Girls Know Nothing - S2 Ep8: Kaz Kamwi - Karaoke Kween, Colourism, Love and Dating

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Welcome back to Girls Know Nothing! 🧡 GKN is a female focused podcast hosted by  @SharonNJGaffka ! Our next guest is  @kazkamwi4180 , a British TV personality and fashion blogger which you might recognise as a finalist from season seven of ITVs hit dating show - #LoveIsland, and in 2022, she won the third series of Celebrity Karaoke Club New episodes of Girls Know Nothing 🧡 will be released every Wednesday, and will also be available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and wherever you get your podcast fixes!  GKN Social Channels:  Https://linktr.ee/girlsknownothing  Instagram: @girlsknownothingpod  Tiktok: @girlsknownothingpod TikTok: @girlsknownothingh

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welcome back to another episode of girls know nothing you'll probably recognize this guest as a finalist from the seventh series of love island kaz can we is an english fashion blogger and influencer she also not only came as a finalist in love island she also won celebrity karaoke club so welcome to the studio kaz can we this is where you started she's just dancing to the side on camera vibing in like hi everyone so unprofessional let me put my phone away you're just lit before you even got here um obviously well people will first seen you on love island yeah uh and I think well obviously I was there for the first beginning bit of your journey yeah not so much the end which i did find really hard to watch it from the outside and not being

able to be like i think you left way too early i was fuming i was really sad when you left babe you looked really angry you're so angry do you know what if you build so you build like close friendships we bought really close friendship really quickly and it's like when people leave it genuinely feels like a part of you's left because you're just sat and you're like oh okay right so one less person to run to do you know what i mean yeah it's so weird i think it's weird because you can't it's not like when someone moves away you can still contact them and it's gradual like you're literally ripped from the other person you're like my family's gone like we just you bond different we just bonded different some people and i was like oh i think why is she gone man

i think we bonded differently to a lot of other people because even though we are different we had a very similar yeah experience yeah when it comes to dating it was very exhausting in certain aspects yeah definitely and I do think that it's something that's talked about more often now yeah and I do think that you were partially as to reason as to why that conversation started to come more to the forefront um obviously you've done a lot of other tv and then there's like conversations about whether race has a yeah a part to play in the challenges that when it comes to being on tv yeah did you what's the love island like the hardest part of that challenge do you know what i think is it was i i had such a good time on the show in itself like love it's amazing i watched it loved it when they're like

come on it's like why not it's fun experience i thought meet the love of my life but so I was literally like yeah and I'm just like you're in a bikini all day but and you have I think in the back of my mind I did have in my head I was like okay it might be a little bit tricky based off like previous seasons you've watched because you see other people's experiences and you're like oh am I gonna mirror that am I just gonna do be different but then all I was like you know I'm just going to be myself be authentically me and just you know see how it goes um and I think there's different challenges in general that come with being on a tv show I think number one you're in um a house with people you don't actually know for a really long time like people get under your nerves you get under people's nerves but you have to get over things

quickly because you are living with each other for the most part gone with everyone to be fair but I think on the other side it's like you are dating so you're navigating what your dating life on the outside is like so like i didn't know certain things like i came out the show learning what love bombing is and gaslighting i didn't really know those things when i was in there and attachment styles but then on top of that it's like okay you start to understand that like how big of a tone race can play and colorism I came out in those conversations around colorism and I was like gosh it's just it's really a lot and I think sometimes when you're unsure what you're experiencing it becomes more clear

when you're like hang on a minute like I don't know like I was because I got tired of just hearing like people saying their types was blonde hair and blue eyes that's not a problem like everyone's got different types that doesn't bother me but I think when you hear it so much you kind of sit then you're like okay I mean before coming on you I was hoping people be more open so I was just sat there and I was like if this is all I'm hearing like I'm just gonna assume like I'm just here for bands and for vibes because then it's just like okay like that's so far away from me so I'm just like so why am I actually here I think there was an unearthed conversation between us and I think it was because it was so emotional yeah when we were both sat there being like why did we get brought here girl we were tired we yeah I think we were

just emotionally just like because you know what you can you can put yourself out there but there's only so long you can do that before you're just like okay cool I'm and also you don't want to force off yeah just like okay cool but then it's like no um what's the words like for the lack of a better word nothing against any of the guys because I was I used to say different like yeah like your type that's fine but it would just kind of be like okay well I'm just gonna wait for someone to walk in to say something different then I guess but then you don't know if that's ever gonna come yeah I mean it's not really the space for that that's not how it works no like I think obviously there was an

argument that I had with one of the the guys about their type and their preference and I think it was because I got so exhausted obviously that conversation ruffled a lot of feathers because I said things that were taken out of context yeah and that refers back to like colorism and race and I think it's just because in the back of my mind I was just holding on to that conversation we had because we were both so exhausted and emotional and upset and I very rarely cry yeah at being rejected by a boy yeah but when you're doing it constantly it's and there is no escape from it yeah it's very very hard yeah but I know you've done other tv yeah like uh what's the one you did recently the challenge the challenge honestly I was fighting for my life every day when I heard

you were doing it I was like why who thought that was a good idea you know what i'm all about like putting myself out my comfort zone i put myself away on my comfort zone like you know the tea was amazing and it's just it wasn't the um particularly right fit for me it's i don't even go to the gym no i know that's why i found it so bizarre i didn't you know what i didn't even train for it i was just like on a holiday like living my best life before i literally just come back from zanzibar for best friend for mom's wedding so i was like full of cocktails and you know fresh beach in my mind and then i was like it's time to work out i said work out i got then everyone's like training in the morning and i'd be like sat in the gym with them like so do you go to the gym every day at home they're like yeah i'm

like no but i guess we flashback to our first gym training session in the villa when you're like how do I do this and I was like no I can't have this conversation with you I'm pretty sure I tapped out I think I did one sit up one sit up and I was like I'm gonna root for everyone yeah cheerleader on the sidelines not much has changed not much has changed I mean it's only been what two years but like you also did uh celebrity karaoke yeah how do you end up on all of these situations that I like why is she doing this I mean she is the winner yeah that is true that did surprise me actually no I don't think I'm surprised I don't I've seen you do this thing in to I do mainly to avoid the washing up oh yeah no I literally was like the queen of avoidance in that villa like when it came to clean up and wash up I think in back of my head I

literally just it's weird because in my head I'd be like I'm really on holiday why am I cleaning up but like really and truly like we were in like a house like I mean thanks everyone for letting me just kind of vibe out I washed up like I washed up like twice and everyone was so proud of me yeah I do remember that yeah I was so proud of myself as well princess Kaz were the challenges in terms of like race on the other two shows different to Love Island yeah do you know what I think with the other shows because it wasn't focused on dating it was more so like it didn't i didn't it wasn't the same impact do you know i mean yeah um i think as well like for example like with the challenge i think it was a very diverse environment i think the the bigger challenge there was more so

like figuring out where i was going to get physical strength from, endurance from, and all of that. So I don't think people were necessarily looking at me. It was more so like your strengths, what you could add. So I think it was most of the premise of the show. I think with Celeb Karaoke, again, it's very, so lighthearted. It was all around like just singing and just, you know, being a boss to be fair um and building connections i think the thing in common with everywhere is you have to build connections but i think because um with love it's more so about dating romantic it's very romantic so it's a lot more people are more specific a lot more intentional um with how they carry out themselves um so yeah it's kind of like

when you go on a dating app like everyone who uses dating app filters what are your filters like i think if that's the only way i can kind of describe it like i think sometimes easy to use practical situations because it's quite pragmatic to expect people to understand fully when they haven't been in that villa but if you look at your phone like let's say you're in hinge rayard tinder whatever you use you're going to filter that based off your preferences what are you filtering for it might be something like height everyone's like height's not a big deal some people like height is a big deal but it might be something like religion it's not a big deal is a big deal it could be race is a big deal isn't a big deal so i think when you think of it that way take that

into a villa where the reality is you're only working with what you're working with yeah how much are you willing to adjust that so i think it's more that so it feels you can you feel it more because yeah it's you can't really deny it's in your face yeah that's true and i think as well probably with the other shows that you've been on there's probably less filtering out because it's so light-hearted like they don't have to make drama yeah for it to be entertaining yeah but it doesn't stop trolls though oh no it doesn't stop trolls at all um i think the troll side i've always think i think that more so comes from social media for sure i think it's such a weird one

because see i feel like we grew up with we grew up in the age where social media was like coming up so yeah it's kind of like very different to like someone who's like 15 because they literally walked out and the internet was there whereas for us i'm pretty sure it was like what myspace facebook i can remember like creating a facebook account and be like what is this new thing yeah instagram i can remember when i used i made my instagram account on my mom's phone because i didn't have an iPhone I had a blackberry I had a blackberry bald with a little ball and like I um got my first iPhone I think the summer before uni but I made my Instagram the year before using my mom's iPhone so it's really weird I'll be like unheard of do you know what I mean and I just think um trolls have it's always been a thing that's kind

of been there existed obviously I was doing fashion blogging before um so I'd receive people had trolled me before but it was more stuff like your outfit your like like boy I think more body shaming more outfit stuff was what I'd got which I'd literally be like that really makes sense like they hate people it didn't make sense but I think um with being on a show you're exposed to much more people and i think that's where i was like this is a different level of trolling but it's like death threats but then the racial trolls that's when i was like i'm tired man i don't get it like so i think there's this it's a hard one because i think where i don't really i never really know who to put responsibility into the hands of because i think it's in the hands of quite a lot of people yeah it's the responsibility of the person who sends it right yeah but how did

you deal with that because obviously if you like you experience it to a certain extent because i did because of beauty pageants yeah but it's on steroids when you move into tv it's mental it's actually like one of probably the wildest things ever like I know I definitely dipped and ghosted when I first came off the show because I put my phone away and everyone's like what are you doing guys um like is it your mental health there's people like no she's working on something big I'm like I'm not gonna lie to you I'm in bed with my friends my family I think I'd like speak to all the girls I speak to you guys speak to my family and we're like go on stories nope because it was scary I found it

really scary I think I'm really resilient and I'm really like strong and I can handle a lot of stuff but I think to a certain extent I'm really strong because I just didn't know what the right thing to say was what the right thing to do was but the main thing for me I knew was like you know what this is really impacting me negatively and what do I do when things I when I'm not feeling good I'm taking myself away from that situation because I'm like I'm just not dealing but I'm also very vocal so I think when I was ready to speak up I just spoke candidly honestly and just told people how I felt because I was like I'm I have no problems being open sometimes I'm a bit too open and that's where I'm like oh because then at the same time like I don't mind showing people me but then I also don't really like to because I

feel like for example like in that villa I was 100% myself so when you come out and people like judging from all angles it's like yeah it gets really personal because that's like the rawest version of you've just shown yeah exactly if I was like putting on a front and stuff then I'd be fine because I'd be like oh they're judging someone I acted to be but where I'm like it's just me I'm just like right so do I strip myself back and I'm like but that's not really me um so I think the main thing was just being honest being open about how it impacted me and I just think people need to do better in general because people forget you're just a real person how did you know you were ready to start speaking out about things that are impacting you um I wasn't being

myself anymore and I didn't like it that's just it I didn't like it I didn't like who I was becoming I was starting to judge myself a lot more I was starting to question myself I'm quite like what you see is what you get like if I'm happy my face shows it if I'm not happy I don't even have to say anything I think my energy is very um I think people pick up my energy really quickly like when when I'm flat I'm like yeah I can I can literally feel myself draining people around me because I'm just like so like flat and then when I'm like up I can feel everyone getting bubbly as well um so I think it was just I think being honest with myself I was like what do I want to be and

I just wanted to be myself again um and I knew that the only way I could do that was to just be honest about why I just wasn't online anymore why I wasn't really like even when it came down to like getting back into content I was doing before I just lost so much confidence I'm such a confident person and I was like nah mate I just didn't like you know when you can see yourself changing yeah and i was like no no no no no because what i'm not about to do is become a whole other person purely because i got drugged through the mud like it happens to a lot of people obviously and i'm not the only person who's been through it but then i also think in the back of my head I did think like my I've obviously I've got three younger siblings two sisters one brother and I always think like I know how much they look to me and look up to me

am I about to show them a part of me that's just not even like who no I'm not doing that so I think it was just that just being like basically fuck off to everyone who really just tried to come for me when really and truly like no do you find it really like is it really pressured to have to know that your younger siblings look up to you in that sense a little bit a little bit I think it's a cultural thing as well yeah I think I feel like you know I think being an older sibling some people say it's like a second parent I definitely wasn't necessarily made to play the role of a second parent um growing up I think I acted more like the youngest if anything I'm probably the most rebellious of all my siblings but I think that's where the princess cast comes from where I'm literally just I think I just so badly did not want to have to be

like um I think I've just always been my mom my mom's always that i think from the age of like 12 i learned the word assertive at 12 years old because people would be like no no she's not supposed she's just assertive and i used to be like yes i was like what does that mean like 12 years old i've been calling myself assertive since then that's kind of mad though that is a bit mad actually i don't think i knew what assertive was at 12 like i definitely like 12 um but i think it was also like my parents way of like letting me be able to really just be myself and not feel pressure to fill into like shoes I don't need to yeah I was allowed to just be like a kid and stuff I think it's really nice actually your

parents taught you that word and gave you that word to you so I think when you think about stereotypes when it comes to women and stereotypes when it comes to race yeah you're automatically put into a shoebox where you're not assertive or a born leader you're angry angry you're aggressive and i'm just like no no no i'm just assertive like i always say to people like even like arguments are like i don't really start arguments right not really obviously sometimes but not really for the most of the ones i've seen yeah i mean but like for the most part it's like I will finish it though like I'm not gonna go out of my way to create a problem or to

create a drama I think I communicate quite well for the most part granted I'm not perfect absolutely not no one is but for the most part like yeah but like I won't I can be confrontational but then it's like I don't just go to someone I'm like I heard this what the fuck I'm not doing that yeah like I don't just go to someone I'm like I heard this

what the fuck I'm not doing that yeah like but if you're ready to talk about yeah we can talk about it do you find my ground but yeah do you find that obviously you were a fashion blogger before yeah any form of tv yeah when you started seeing changes in yourself post tv did it make it harder for you to to work essentially yeah kind. Because even when I look back, like I haven't, like even I was like, yeah, I'm going to get back into my fashion. I don't think I've fully done it.

I think I've done some videos now. Like I've done that maybe to my own, but like with my sister, with my sister and my mom, because then I feel like I've got people with me. It's kind of like a little bit of a shield. Yeah. I love creating content with my sister.

And obviously I love, like we did one with my mom for Mother's Day. I loved that by the way. Honestly, like it's just so sweet and so wholesome and I just love my mom um so that was and it's really I really have fun doing it but I think when I was like okay I'm gonna have to start doing it by myself I just had too much anxiety because I was just like I don't know like I think it's just like being picked apart especially for like your looks and you know I it's such a shame that, like, this, it's such a hard one, isn't it, with, like, science, because, like, people see your face

every day, and see your body every day, so it's, like, you want to maintain a certain way, so then you feel comfortable to present yourself to the world, and when people, like, say certain things about you, like, people pick different things apart, it makes me sit there and be, like, did I sort this out okay should I fix that but I never thought that before now I'm like oh gosh it's it's just like I don't really know what direction to kind of go in but it's the main thing is like being like comfortable so I think when I started to become a bit more uncomfortable I was just like it's not gonna do that just for now until I feel like i'm comfortable again which

is just sucky did it ever make you want to stop what you're doing and move to do something completely different yeah i can't different as in like what completely outside of like being creative like the fashion space not i think a little bit i think it made me want to do maybe a little bit more behind the scenes still in fashion but like not like in front of it for a little while but then again that just didn't really feel the most authentic really so yeah no so you did start a new youtube series yeah with your other half yeah who isn't here we should have done like a like a three to be fair though that would have been the most chaotic episode ever we probably be speaking all over each other we probably would have broken the mic that would be gone this whole set would be

turned upside live a nice together you've seen it yeah like christmas dinner was probably the most chaotic experience i've ever had in my life it was like feeding time at the zoo and i actually don't know how it happened so funny it's like it just I don't know with cheese in her hair phase poked my eye out of the breadstick like it was trying to figure out what she can and cannot eat off the menu yeah that was a lot by the way Abby's food preferences I thought yours were a lot I thought mine Abby's were a whole nother level I think abby never wants to inconvenience anyone so she'd be like no guys i'll do it we're all set they're like no so she's not eating basically just air and cocktails but how what what inspired you guys to want to start your youtube series yeah

so i think you know i think when we came out the villa like loads of people wanted to do stuff together but we both had so much going on so it was just kind of like shimmy at the time and then i think we started doing like tiktoks and we were kind of just i think one day we were both having a conversation just about what we want to do in terms of like work you know when you just touch base with your mates and it's just like you know how are you doing this for this for that we're talking about holidays we're talking about life and then we were both talking about like basically we both wanted to start a series but it was very like we both had individual ideas but then as we were opening up to each other about it a lot of things were really similar yeah and then we were just like

why don't we just do it together then we were like yeah then we're like okay cool so we're literally that same night we was out on the phone we were like right so we made a tiktok page we just made the instagram page made the youtube page and said yeah let's just yolo that was literally us did you feel pressure when you left the villa to always have to do stuff together and you couldn't be individuals um no not really pressure i think when we came out because obviously i came out after lib so when i came out i had like loads of messages from lib so on like instagram so we didn't have each other's numbers oh i forget that yeah so when i came out i remember going on my phone and i was like where's liberty and i had like dms and stuff um and then obviously she sent me her number and she was like oh my god babe they call us kibbety and i was like

what the hell was kibbety and she's like oh my god that's so crazy so we we just because we didn't know that stuff um and we just it was just so hilarious and so funny and like loads of people would say that but honestly there was so much going on from so many different angles that like i think a few brands wanted to do some scab up then it just didn't work out it just didn't make sense when we were like yeah looking at all like the contracts and stuff so we were literally just like yeah cool but we just always i think we just were doing our own thing and then just maintained our friendship and just always supported each other so i think it it kind of just organically happened i think us doing like the series together now happened in the most natural way again it was

us just having a conversation and be like wait that's what i want to do not that's what i was doing like let's just go yeah yellow to be fair I love watching your tiktoks I was saying off camera that honestly because I know both of you I'm not surprised yeah sometimes I'm like how have you let these situations get especially your dating ones oh no honestly like we obviously we do get ready with me like tiktoks and we just talk about different situations and it's so when we're filming it's stuff we haven't like necessarily we don't tell each other what we're going to say we just say right think of three things so we'll like be like pick a theme like i don't know like worst date you've been on we'll be like okay we'll be like think of three and i'll think of three okay cool

and then be like you ready yep and then we'll do it so we're naturally react naturally never naturally reacting to each other's and obviously there's some things that we have told each other because obviously we've been friends for what's about two years now so there's things that obviously if it's like people she's dated while we've been friends um i know those situations but if it's like ones from before we were mates i'm literally sat there like you did what what happened where so it's really interesting because we're like learning about each other at the same time i did watch one of your videos where you said that you are on face value you get on with everyone oh yeah and then you realize it's because you're putting your guard up and you don't let to like to let people

in yeah and then when you do you're like it's scary territory 100 do you find that what you're doing is actually scary territory because you do have to let people yeah know that stuff about you yeah I think it is I didn't realize it was scary until like when I'd open up about something people be like wow thank you so much for opening up and I'm like I just opened up about something I'm like oh I just spoke about something like my deep I'm like now people know me more I'm like like I'm really open we're really private yeah it's really bizarre like i can't explain it because i know both sides of you and i just yeah i don't know how to do you know i mean

so like i think like for example like if i look into like you lip bay abby rachel probably the only people who know me on a deeper level yeah if i'm like everyone else surface like most basic of basic stuff which i don't even mind telling people like cool whatever but when it comes to like real life like how i feel in certain situations how i feel about certain things like even just like grief like losing my dad like a lot of people don't know much of it they just know the surface but like the real feelings i'm like yeah that's why i'm like i'm so gonna be tight like but i've learned that it's actually okay as well to open up and i do think i think i feel more comfortable opening up especially when i know that it helps people yeah i think i'm like okay cool it's like and i don't mind and also it

allows me to be a bit braver and i think the more i put myself out my comfort zone the more like relaxed i get do I've not actually seen it yet but do you think you'll ever properly open up about losing your dad definitely I think I've done it I'm doing a little bit more and I just think I was like 19 at the time and none of my friends had lost a parent at all and I was in uni like I basically grieved through that, like going out and being in the club, to be honest. Which isn't grieving, is it? Yeah, and it's just so bizarre. And I think when I look back on it,

because I'm like, what, 28 now? I'm like, wow, like what was I? I was really just like skating. I just don't understand what grief really is and the gravity of it. So I think it's something I definitely want to open up especially for like young people because I'm like 19 and I'm looking at my siblings they're all younger than me and I'm just like wow it's it's crazy it's because I I do know like quite a

few people who have also lost a parent yeah and like you try to help them yeah and but you can't sympathize because you've never been through it yourself yeah and then you don't really know what to say yeah so I think even from my perspective learning about how to help somebody who has lost a parent yeah to hear it from somebody like what can I say what is the right thing to say do you know what I don't even think there's a right and a wrong I think that the best thing I would ever say to anyone is just to be there i think that's everyone just needs someone to just be there and just be present whether that's being there in like absolute silence whether that's being there in that they were like i get i think it's just being there that's that's the only thing i can do because you can never really say the right or wrong thing because it'll be different for each person yeah individually but

I think the main thing people always appreciate people just just are there yeah whether it's a little touch base whether it's just sending love whether it's just like you need some distraction it's kind of like yeah do you think it's altered your um how you see romantic relationships a little bit i think i'm a lot more like i'm more picky than people realize like i'm not surprised i'm not i'm literally you're the person with the weirdest x i've ever heard in my life i know you and fay yeah weirdest i know i know fay made a really good fay always says to me she's like because i'm very i'm like i always say to him like yeah i'm like really like intense that's because i just don't mind asking like straight questions straight on like i'm just like just tell me but then she's like you'll be

like yeah like straight on and you'll be like yep intensity cool but then as soon as it does get intense you jump and she's so right yeah i'll be like yeah put it out there since i'm like well gotta go no don't go work um i think it's made me a lot more like picky, but I think it's also made me see like life is actually really short. Yeah. Like, so I feel like you just have to just, I go for things a lot more.

I think I'm more like, what's the word? Is it audacious the right word? Oh, audacious. That is a word I would. I can't like that. You know, I approach it with audacity. I mean, I have a lot of audacity when I'm dating to be fair. Or just in general. audacious the right word oh audacious that is a word i would i can't like that you know

i approach it with audacity i mean i have a lot of audacity when i'm dating to be fair you know just in general and in general like absolutely listen if you don't ask you don't get i say this to everyone you get and in kaz's case you dip yeah yeah you get it and you're like see ya no i think so i did see an article where you were saying that you're not looking for love yeah and I think when you've been on a show like Love Island I hate circling always back to it but people are so invested and interested in your love life yeah even if you aren't dating somebody from the show yeah and so to hear you openly say like categorically not looking for anything did that surprise people um I think yes and no um I think my my journey from what everyone said was really stressful

journey is a loose term um I mean I did leave like to be fair I did leave happy and then that just didn't work out for different reasons which is just that but I think when I say I'm just not looking I'm like I don't know I just feel like to be honest I don't leave my house I leave my house but I don't really leave my house so well that's you know that stops it right there and then like if I go on a date you know if I have it you know I'm like I'll be on a date for like two weeks and then I'll delete it and then she's back again and then I'll back again in like two days I'll get like really lit and I'll be like oh this could be fun and the next morning I'm like it'll delete like it's it's like a really toxic cycle why am I doing that I think everyone's like

that do you know what I mean so I think it's it's like I'm not looking for it if it does come oh I will explore that but you know I just been having a lot of fun right now is that what inspired your decision like fun or is there like a particular reason behind it um I just think I don't know I think maybe the guy you know the guys I meet they're really really lovely really attractive but I don't know about the rest of it not to like throw you out in public like that but yeah they've been pretty fit to be fair yeah she's now thinking about them yeah I'm just looking back and I'm just like yeah the roster is pretty good looking it's been a good looking roster some people have offered some depth but then it's just like it's we just just not age the compatibility is just not ah um i don't know i

think it's just maybe i just want to put less pressure on myself i think definitely because i think if i say like right i'm looking for love then i would seriously approach everything as like me like genuinely looking and i'm very much like if i get along with someone i'm like okay if i get along with them i'm like i'm sure we can just grow a bond i don't do that anymore yeah i think it's the pressure for the age thing as well because we're both approaching 30 yeah which is in my eyes still young i still see it so like i'm turning about 29 one month in a few months one actually it's the end of the year like october so yeah i'm like a few months we're literally like what are we in march april may june july august september seven months so i'm gonna be 29 like seven months so i like i see the societal

i only feel pressure when like people ask me loads i'm like oh my god am i not should i be panicking more than i am because i don't i'm not really panicky but then i've always said people say to me like your 30s is like since i was like 22 people in like been saying their 30s is lit 30s is where it's at I was hearing that from like 22 so I've always had in my head like yeah my 30s is gonna be where it's at yeah yeah lit lit lit lit and then people were like okay cool if you want to have kids you're trying and I'm like oh oh okay I don't really look into that that much I'm like should I but then I'm very much like I'm like do I want kids yeah I would have like two kids but then I'm like if I didn't have kids, I'm like, do I want kids? Yeah, I would have like two kids. But then I'm like, if I didn't have kids, would I feel like my life didn't get complete? Probably not.

And then I think that surprises a lot of people. Because I think a lot of people think I want a massive like family. And I'm just kind of like, I'm a little bit selfish sometimes. I just like to look after like me. And then my friends, they're like my siblings. I'm like, oh gosh, I get, sometimes I get scared of the idea of having kids. But then some people are like, you don't really know love until you have kids. I'm like oh gosh i get sometimes i get scared of the idea of having kids but then some people like you don't really know love until you have kids i'm like okay but then i'm like okay if i have kids i want like two but i just want a little daughter i just want a mini me

you just want it's like yeah so then i sit there and i'm like is that a good enough reason and that's why i'm just like so i think sometimes i don't feel the pressure as much but i don't know if it's because i just don't take it that seriously yeah I think when I start to have actual conversations with people because I was having a conversation with one of my mates like the other day she's talking about like freezing eggs and stuff and I was like you know that's kind of a shout actually it's a shout and then I'm like maybe it's because I don't I think I live very lightheartedly in general. And I always say like, sometimes I am serious, but sometimes I'm like,

I need to actually be a lot more serious. I don't approach everything as seriously as I should. So yeah. And then I don't know. It's a weird one. Cause I think when I look at like, like what I always would think at like 19, I used to think,

okay, I'm going to be married, engaged. I'm like 25 married engaged 25 tops everybody at 25 and then I'm like okay and then when I look at it now and I'm like even when I'm dating I'm like I look and I'm like you know how like some people have like that one person like you know worst case scenario I'm gonna see what you're I'm gonna see where you're I'm like I don't even have that anymore because i'm just like no i'm just not doing that with my exes i'm not doing that so it's just it's a weird one but yeah but to be fair a lot more women are talking more openly about freezing their eggs yeah focusing on what they want from their own life yeah because of the societal pressure around having to be a mother yeah or constantly getting

told like oh well you'll change your mind when you get older exactly you're just young it's fine and it's like you just you won't know until it happens you just want yeah that's what i think you won't know till you're in like different situations as well and i think like when you experience certain things your thought process your trajectory how you perceive it is always going to change do you know i mean it's going to because now you're moving based off an experience as opposed to just like the ideology that you kind of had so yeah it's just really interesting it's nice to hear you say that um because a lot of people would probably call you a role model for being so open even though you have a guard up do you consider yourself a role model but like to who

like to my siblings app i don't care i said all my siblings yeah i said my brother i said banjo i'm gonna call them yeah banjo me me bed i said all of them yeah there is no way you can ever tell them i am such a lit sibling to them i am an inspiration to them honestly they do inspire me as well like genuinely but i am sure when they say who inspires you in life i better be top 10 on that list i always think i'm surprised you've gone for 10 and not for like two i was trying to be humble oh okay i think i should be top three like you know but like yeah i think to my siblings for sure um to other people like people would DM me and tell me and I'm like oh like wow it does make me think like oh wow but then sometimes

people say and I'm like okay but like why do you know what I mean but yeah yeah it's do you feel the pressure when people say like you are a role model to them yes and no I think no because in my head I'm like you know what I'm just being myself and I think no, because in my head, I'm like, you know what? I'm just being myself. And I think if I haven't met the person, like it depends on how like deep their message is. Sometimes I'm just like, oh, okay, yeah, nice. And then other times I know, and that's me being kind of,

I just have to read the message and I'm like, no, like this person's like highlighted things that I didn't even acknowledge. And in those moments I'm like, okay. And then it that I didn't even acknowledge yeah and in those moments I'm like okay and then it makes me realize that actually yeah to a certain extent having a platform regardless you do have a certain responsibility and I think that puts things back into perspective as well um and I think it's easier sometimes I don't know like I sometimes I find it easier to just be like I'm definitely not a role model because then I feel like it's my way of like stripping away from holding

responsibility yeah and like having to um really recognize how I do get perceived and I'm just like if I don't want to deal with that I'm just like oh but why but then it's like no that you have a certain responsibility to a certain extent you know what you do about it's up to you um but it is there i i completely get that and i think yeah it's nerve-wracking to think that every single thing you do can impact somebody in a certain way for sure and then you're also like in this weird vicious cycle where you're like constantly making sure that oh if i do this is this gonna upset someone but then you also have to remember to like not think of that too much because then you start to put that extra pressure on yourself that you don't need to and then you want to carry yourself away and then you're like no it's yeah it's it's just it's just yeah and it's 24 hours i know there is no turn off yeah

but then i wouldn't change it that's the thing um I think the main thing is I don't know I just want people to be able to just I don't know I just think if anyone was to look into me I'd the only thing message I'd want people is to just live authentically that's what I'd want people to take away from me do you know I mean good bad ugly cute like talking about living authentically yeah what do you see like what is the next big dream for you to have like what's the next goal you've got next goal do you know what like actually actually well she's thinking about things she can say now can't you no no it's not even that I was gonna say doing my driving because I've been avoiding it for so long oh my god yeah I can't but I don't know forgot that's like not like no but like i'm so bad small goals yeah

right so obviously i i started my lessons and i was like what 18 and then my first instructor that i had we did like four lessons then he told me that i needed to be more manly on the road and he said i was too um flimsy with the wheel and i needed to be more masculine and that really threw me off i was like a weird way to describe genuinely and i think that really like changed my brain chemistry because then i just like was like oh okay like i'm i'm not driving right like i don't know and then i was like on and off then i went to uni in birmingham and i was too scared to learn in birmingham because i lived in essex and i was like i'd rather learn in the country roads yeah i don't want to learn in the city I lived in Essex and I was like, I'd rather learn in the country roads. I don't want to learn in the city.

So I just didn't do it. So then what? Graduated like 21. And then the next couple of years, honestly, I've had about nine instructors. They've been great. Fell out with one of them. Oh, nice.

Yep. A fantastic experience. It was so random. It was so random. Do I want want to know do you know what basically right she was really lovely we actually used to get along but i think she was like she was like too much of like a mate as opposed to like any instructor but basically we fell out right because she wanted so i could only do mornings um and then she was like i don't know what happened but she needed to like um take her kids to school um or something and i was like oh that's fine then i was like so i'll just have to

get a new instructor because i couldn't do the afternoons because i used to work at the time and then i was like oh but i can do the evenings which is like after work and she's like i need to make like um dinner for like my husband and stuff and i was like oh okay so i was basically saying like it's just that what about the weekend and then she's like weekends you know she wants to like go shopping and i just said well that's a bit selfish excuse me i'm trying to get a driving license i know because i felt like because basically she wanted me to like do them like earlier in the morning she wanted me to do like 6 a.m lessons what am i gonna do at 6 a.m you were 50 minutes late here in the middle of the afternoon there's no way you were getting up for a driving lesson at

6 a.m lesson i didn't get it and she only wanted to do an hour one as well so in me there just wasn't any logic but i felt like i had no wiggle room i couldn't do evenings i could only do 6 a.m and i was like it doesn't make sense and i was asked that it's selfish and then we just had an argument i was like okay but i was like but then i'm saying like we probably just wouldn't work and she's like no we can work if we do 6 a.m in the morning in the week except the weekends and i was like babe so yeah so next goal is driving yeah because i actually need to do it now i'm over it now to be fair as well if i just haven't been doing it and i'm not a serious candidate when it comes to that so that i need to do um and then probably deciding about what i want to do in terms of like moving i don't know what i want to do i think if i can like genuinely

establish and sort that out i actually would have done something because right now i'm just like basically tackling things i've been avoiding yeah yeah because i think when i want to do something i do it if i don't i just linger on oh i can let things linger for years if i have to so because i did see that you did some work with the big issue yeah and i you were talking to me a little bit about it but would you not want to do that more oh absolutely so basically when i was in uni i did sociology in uni um and i did a three-month placement with them so they their office was based like right outside my accommodation so it literally used to be like a five is that why you ended up working with them honestly like so basically i didn't actually know who the big issue were okay i used to go so when

i moved to birmingham so like when i lived in essex i'd never heard of it ever I went to uni at like 18 um and no night yeah 18 10 19 and I did my placement when I was 20 so when I did it I used to before I started it when I used to go like food shopping and with my mates in Birmingham and even just like walking to uni I used to see a lot of people who sold the biggest show around Birmingham city centre and I'd bought it but I just didn't really know what it was I used to just buy it and put in my bag and just carry on and then I think one day I was like actually like reading it and like my mate and I stopped we're speaking to one of the um vendors who was outside like the ball ring and stuff and I was like oh my god he was really funny and just really cool we're just asking

questions about life to be honest we're just talking I'm just vibing out um and then I was looking for like placements um and my route to uni I used to walk past like their office and they had like an ad um an ad in the window and so I went in and that's literally how I did it and that opened my eyes a lot because before that I'd like helped out like soup kitchens in like Essex um and I understood and knew the problem that regarded homelessness but I didn't really know much and I think I'd only really acknowledge it was a problem in winter times especially like Christmas and stuff like that when I'd be like oh my gosh like people are outside like that's so sad but in like summer

did it cross my mind did I think twice I think if people like ask for like money or ask for food I'd be like yeah sure but I didn't really think about yeah the issue of homelessness as per se um and then when I did my placement at the big issue it changed my thought process completely because then I understood the different ways people ended up in the situations because I think before I had a very ignorant view completely about how um people end up homeless I think when I started to have people's like conversations with people and it was like people like it came from like different things like divorces um um addiction spiraling like something happened like people were talking about like yeah they worked in finance that's amazing they had a mortgage and then they lost all of that for different reasons and that really made me realize that you know when people say like every single person is literally like a day away

from being homeless it changed my mind because I never saw it that way yeah because my view was just so ignorant but then um I got to know so many different people and I was just like wow and I just wanted to help to be honest I just wanted to like, I don't know. It just, it was lovely. Like, I think my experience there, everyone was just so lovely. And I did work with them when I came out of the villa and I'm still doing them. And then I worked with Shelter as well

because I'd never worked with Shelter before, but I knew who Shelter was. So I think it's once you learn, because there's loads of different homeless charities and houses and stuff that you can work with but I think when you learn the different stories and the different things people want to change it's really nice to like help and I really do enjoy because I think it's so when I just look back at younger me and just how I viewed it how I viewed the world it's so different but that's

because I knew no different I didn't know any better. And I think even just having conversations with my friends and stuff, you just learn a lot. I don't know. I'm a learner. Like when I learn something, I'm like, okay,

like I like to make, I like practical change. So I like when you can make actual steps that do help. And I like being in rooms where decisions are being made to make that change but if you if I don't have the privilege to be in that room I'd like to like voice that in a space I can yeah hence why I say even when it comes down to like changing like how diversity and race are in tv I'm like whether I'm doing that in front of the camera behind the

camera like best believe I'm going to champion for that change because i think it's important um so if we're going to go bigger goals than that i think it would definitely be just seeing actual changes um yeah no that's really amazing to hear um so i'm gonna ask you a final question okay and what that is what would you say to people in the past and people potentially in the future that doubt your success based on the fact that you are a young black woman? Oh, don't do it.

Don't doubt me. Or if you're going to keep doubting me, do so, but understand that that's not necessarily a reflection of me. That's you and your bias and your ignorance. I think it's really important for people to it's so hard because I think a lot of people don't understand because I think it comes through a lot of like I think it's unconscious bias I think it's a lot of like people I don't think everyone's

necessarily aware that they're doing it and I think also to a certain extent it's maybe what is presented to them like base of society and it's a shame and it shouldn't be like that and I think the main thing I would say is for people to just like check themselves first honestly and you know Beyonce said the best revenge is your paper so you just keep going I mean she is wearing Fendi today so I'm talking about beyonce i realize it's actually me i am not beyonce but it is me that's the chat that's the energy you were channeling during celebrity karaoke club so it's okay we'll take that but honestly i'm glad i'm so glad that i finally got you here yeah i know first guest in my nice new tidy space it's so cute and I've just seen you in work mode you're so wholesome I'm so proud no I'm genuinely so proud of you I'm so proud of you oh it's like a really cute

mummy moment this is what people didn't see about us I know right because I'm like I promise I am always like the main camera I'm like the child yeah that is true I can vouch for that yeah it was definitely Faye that took the mummy role so yeah for sure definitely i don't think these guys trust me to be the mom give me like a week no what a week as kaz is the mom friend okay like two days i'll give you a day a day we're going on holiday together so maybe maybe on holiday we should have a day where i'm literally the mom of the group yeah please because i'm the organizer friend and i get hounded by everyone but could you imagine me organizing we would never speak again like lib like what are we gonna do it's all right i'm here don't worry i mean the whole thing would happen it would just be a yolo maybe like four years time honestly thank you so much and i actually can't wait to see

what you get up to and i can't wait for you to drive me around yeah I know goodness I really need you know what made me want my license I just basically it's because I just want a car now and then I said to my mom oh I want to get a car she said you can't drive I said oh yeah so I have to get my license that was a true why I decided I want a car I can't wait for that day so thank you maybe I can but honestly thank you so much thanks baby oh you're so cute this is so pretty by the way good vibes only but I'm gonna take a video of you I'm gonna be like Sharon's in work mode and this is I love that my video of you is why is she 50 minutes late and then your video of me is like

look how wholesome Sharon is in work mode