God Awful Movies - 100: GAM100 Bibleman: Defeating the Shadow of Doubt

Episode Date: July 18, 2017

This week, guest masochist Seth Andrews joins us for an atheist review of "Bibleman: Defeating the Shadow of Doubt"; in which a man in a purple Nerf suit repeatedly hits on a child. --- Be sure to check out the Thinking Atheist podcast for more of Seth's milk chocolaty voice. http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/ --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

Un chapuzón, con el avito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parkesur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bailo es fin Parkesur. If you haven't seen Bible man and you haven't seen his weapon of choice, which is obviously a Star Wars ripoff, it is the color of my urine after I take a multivitamin. That's the color of Bible man's white sugar.

Yeah, as I give you the visual you need. He did. And you feel like a lawyer at Lucasfilm was like, Alright, so we got all the paperwork drafted But we'd have to watch the movie And it was a guy that's making me death by we don't own light That's Sicily thing Let him have it

Not awful Movie! Movie, movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie. Movie, movie.

Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema for a hundred weeks in a row now. Wow. I was really hoping we'd run out of movies by now, but we're not even close and they keep making more goddamnit. Anyway, apparently I'm still your host, No Illusions, and sitting to my immediate left Run out of movies by now, but we're not even close and they keep making more goddamn it anyway. Apparently I'm still your host no illusions and sitting to my immediate left is still my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know, we don't do enough at our atheist layer. What's that?

Hip-hop dance number. Nothing we should do that more often. I couldn't agree more and of course sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnich. Eli, how are you? This fine afternoon, sir? Speak for yourself. He's speak for yourself. And down and throw up real quick. And come on. Okay, guys, by episode 200, this needs to be a visual medium. Okay. Let's make that happen. And of course, sitting 1400 miles to my west, south, west, we've got a special gas massacres for you tonight. Seth Andrews is the host of the thinking atheist podcast on YouTube channel. He's the author of Deconverted and Sacred Cows. And he is legitimate contender for nicest guy in atheism. Seth, welcome to God, awful movies. So happy to finally have you on.

It is an honor to be here for show number 100. I am a boy in your world today. So I'm just thanks for letting me play along. Looking forward to it, man. You guys heard him call himself a boy in our world. You heard him. So the whole. That's consent.

That's consent. Absolutely. All. I mean, I got a need Andrew on all of these. Just just just just just silence a second. Just jump in and say, I want to be very clear that that doesn't that was a joke that he said. I just feel like half the shit I say on the shoulder night is going to end up as somebody's

ringtone. I just I'm trying to gauge myself going in. Luckily for you, the movie we watched today gave me plenty of ringtone. So you don't have to worry about me. I'm I'm set there. Now, of course, we've been on your show to reveal a couple of movies in the past. It's basically going to be just like that with way more fox, you know, I should say way more, like the word fox. I feel like you're limiting this medium. Again, so we get here on episode 100. We know after they heard Eli Bosnick on my broadcast, I had to remind everybody that no, he does not have Tourette's and they were really relieved to hear that.

So I would be relieved to hear otherwise to be perfectly honest with you. Oh, right. So without further ado, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched Bible man defeating the shadow of doubt. We did. It's season one, episode five of the Bible man TV show that, well, it actually went straight to video, but it's eventually got picked up like ironically by the sci-fi channel. So technically it's sort of a TV show. And it's the story of

what happens when all your 80s sitcom money gets spent on cocaine. And I thought. And Eli, how bad was this TV show? Well, if you like the Adam West Batman, but you think a goat demon is trying to convince you, God doesn't love you. You will love this movie. It's like a 50% SNL sketch, 40% in living color sketch, 10% just straight up hate crime. Just straight up like they did a talent show at a KKK rally. That actually appears at one point in the show.

It's the whitest dance and rap team you'll ever see. Now Seth, I have to ask you were, of course, an evangelical Christian when this series quote unquote first debuted. Is this your first run in with Bible man or are you guys been acquainted before? Well, obviously I graduated high school about a decade before Bible man was introduced. You know, Bible man came out in 95, but I was well into my career as a Christian broadcaster. So my introduction to Bible man is normally when we were out doing stuff that was kid related, we'd have a broadcast at a bookstore that sold toys and Jesus action figures and videos and music targeted to young children. And Bible man was sort of part of the canon of this merchandise. And I remember

even as a believer, I mean, I was a true blue Bible believer and Sunday go to meet and believe it. And even I remember looking at Bible man going, you can be shitting me. I mean, he, it's like, I mean, it's like, it's like if, if you made a transformer out of nerf material, you know, I mean, I don't really know how to say it. He's just, he's just got a look that is, I wanted to add, I want to add badass to Bible man. So I could see a super scene, the trailer for Machete that Robert Rodriguez did, you know?

Yes. So if you're gonna hire Bible man to kill the bad guy, you better be damn sure. The bad guy isn't you. I wanted that for Bible man back in the 90s. We need a Christopher Nolan gritty remake of Bible man. This could be fun. You know it's bad when you're like, oh, I miss veggie tails.

Well, you know, Pamplin was the organization that produced Bible man. And I knew them from a music standpoint. They used to, they were for some reason loaded. You know, Christian music, even back in the mid 90s was kind of a shoestring gig. It was, you know, always boutique kind of record labels and these artists working on a very low budget, trying to get noticed, trying to get picked up by mainstream radio stations across the country. And so Pamplin comes in and they were showing a lot of flash and bling and they had all these real high dollar promos and they were whatever they were, whoever they were, they were well funded, But they only lasted as a music entity

for about six years. They folded in 2001 or two, something like that. But they were sort of the production house that was behind Bibleman. So I'm guessing at some point they found success beyond music in this straight to video marketplace. 2001, huh? So you're saying 9-11 brought Bible man down. So I said, I don't want to misquote you here, but you're saying there are some good things about 9-11. That's what you came on the show to do. I have no recollection senator, right? Thank you very much. I'm just sitting here, reeling at the idea that this is what you get when you have a high dollar production company behind your thing and in Christians. And I'm like, I mean, obviously, Christianity has like the crappy version of everything,

right? They have their own crappy music. They have their own crappy museums. They have their own crappy wrestling and everything else. But to find out that this is when they really spent some money, that's, that's amazing to me. I don't know about the video side, but the audio, the radio, the record housing portion of the company, relatively speaking, compared to the other music groups, were, you know, they seem to be pretty well funded. Now, you know, they weren't Columbia or

RCA or any of that, but it is terrifying to see what they came up with, but Bible Man, it's just awful stuff. I mean, how many Jesus CDs did you get for just a penny a month? That hits close to home. I've been all I did clubbed. For those people, they used to mill you garbage for way more than a penny a month. And they just wouldn't stop. Now, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to say best worst high-tech headquarters

where they were trying for that. It's supposed to be this like super fancy like Bible man bat cave, but it's just like old arcade cabinets. It's a a play school chemistry set and just nonsense light bulbs everywhere. There's, there's literally one of those like the laser globe things from Spencer's gifts. I have expected there to be a weather vein on it somewhere. It's like a nerd kids treehouse from 1980. It's going to be this high tech HQ. Yeah.

Like the plasma ball is one of the least useful things ever created which uses electricity and it's right there front and center in the lab. Yeah. He does have, I don't want to spoil anything, but he does have Jewish Siri. If you ever thought to yourself, he's Siri and you were tired of her answering right away just like, oh, now you're talking to me. Now you're talking to me.

No, I don't want to fight. I like you to fight. The unit is my favorite character in the film. Can I nominate it for best worst PSA take home message? I mean, I don't want to spoil anything, but the message of this show might be the same words I hear echoing in my head that I tried to dull with pills morning noon and night. No spoilers. Yeah. No spoilers.

Yeah, like take that where you will. I wanted to go with a best worst ability to banter with supervillains. Right? Like there are three fight scenes in this movie and I'm using fight scene in the loose as possible terms here that mostly consists of this guy and his is nemesis, a Bible quoting at each other cleverly. And that goes as well as I make it sound like it would go. I think if I had a nomination, it would be for probably for Willie Ames for Bible man for best costume as long as that costume is Liberati's vibrator.

He would win on that heavy off throwing out. It is impossible to describe how silly looking you have to watch it to imagine. It looks somehow like it was carved out of cheese. And the silliness is added to by the fact that they spend a tremendous amount of time with this mussely foam-covered character just sitting in chat and with a little girl. It might look less silly if he was always fighting or zooming around, but he also spends a lot of time just like clumsily trying to fit himself into Indian style setting just like, oh god, not as flexible as I was. So let's rap, huh?

You can see a little, I don't know, the Styrofoam or foam flap on the shoulders. So whenever you move his arms forward, you, you saw just a piece of the costume, just sort of like if a light breeze can move your cost, can move your armor, we may have a problem in the fighting of evil. All right. Well, I got to say we have been waiting for 99 weeks and counting to break this one down. So we're going to keep the break, brief here. When we come been waiting for 99 weeks in count and to break this one down. So we're going to keep the break, breathe, here. When we come back, we're going to delve into all the insufficiently self-spooping buffoonery that is Bible man, defeating the shadow

of doubt. Yeah, we're doing all the episodes. Oh, make sure to speak. And Seth is joining us. I have him. And we'll find him in his dog and I will bring them. And your little dog too. Hey folks, we just wanted to take a moment before today's show to thank you. We know you come to this show for funny and we're going to get right to that. But before we begin, I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who makes this show possible week to week. As of this recording, there are 1,621 human beings who are patrons of this show. I mean, some of you give less, some of you give more, but you and everyone who's ever shared this show rated us on iTunes or even just dragged your buddy at work over to your

headphones to say like, you got to check this out. I want to say thank you. You know, we were sitting around the other night planning our Seattle show and I made a crazy billionaire money joke and I realized sort of in a lightning bolt moment that if I had crazy billionaire money tomorrow, I'd do this. I do this for no money. I do this before I do anything else in the world. And I do it because I get to do it with Noah and Heath. And I get to do it for you.

It's funny. Noah and Heath and I, we get messages pretty regularly. It's astoundingly generous messages from folks who tell us that this show was the thing that made them laugh during a divorce or a death. Our show helped them confront the movie. They saw as a kid that gave them nightmares. And each time we hear it, we can't believe how lucky we are that this thing, this silly, fun movie roast we do with our buddies helps someone get through chemo or even just a dark

day or a boring commute. And what I want to tell you is that you for these 100 episodes have also been that for us. You don't just pay the bills, though you do pay the bills. You don't just support the show, but you really do support the show. You keep us going. You give us hope. And on behalf of Heath, Noah and myself, all joking aside, I want to say say thank you. Here's to another 100, 200, 1000 episodes as many as you'll have us a million more God awful movies. Hey folks, just a quick reminder that if you missed us in Seattle, you still have a couple of chances to catch us live in the US of A. We're going to be in Austin, Texas on Friday,

September 22nd and Salt Lake City, Texas on Friday, September 22nd, and Salt Lake City, Utah on Sunday, October 1st for even more on stage shenanigans. You never know what's going to happen at God awful movies live. And as we learned in Seattle, apparently neither do we. And if the potential of Eli's and Nebriated Ass cheeks isn't quite enough to motivate you, I should let you know that the weekend of September 22nd is going to be a great time to be an atheist in Austin. The atheist community of Austin is going to be holding their 10th annual Bat cruise the following Saturday with a pre-cruise lecture from Mohammed Saeed of the ex-Muslims of North America. Tickets for the cruise are only 30 bucks for adults

and the pre-cruise lecture is free. So if you want to come see a shitload of bats with us the following night, be sure to check the show notes for links to more info about the ACA's annual cruise as well. And remember, if you miss us in Austin and Salt Lake City, you have to come all the hell way to Sydney to see us in November. And that's a long flight. And they have poisonous rocks there. So be sure to check the show notes for more information because dammit, if I'm going to suffer through airport security and crying babies for this shit, the least you could do is show up. And now back to the show. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to need all the 30 seconds before this thing descends into delightful stupidity. Okay. We're going to

open up on Miles Peterson, who is dressed like a Bespectacle didn't specter gadget for some reason, standing in the rain and losing his fucking mind. Yeah. You know, it's always a good sign when you hear those origin story is losing their fucking shit. Because Batman didn't like shit in his hand and smear it all over his face and he's like, this Alfred, he was like, no, man, we're making you a costume. Jesus God. There's no context at all for the opener, either. The guys, they start on him standing out in the middle of a rain storm. He's he looks like Ronald Lacey from Raiders at the law stark, the guy's

face melted off. You know, the guy with the fitness hand. He's dressed like that. He just they start on the guy out, just wailing and clawing at the earth and desperation in the middle of a type of whatever's going on. And you just think, you know, they just had to start somewhere. So they chose that moment. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's supposed to be what his name is Miles Peterson. Yeah. The Miles Peterson story, but it's clearly the Willie Ames story. That's the adres. I had well, I was buddy Lembeck on Charles and Charles and eight is not Scott Bale. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. And I was in the rain and I found a Bible in the dirt. Can we use that?

Also, can we talk about this? Because the opening line of it, the Vio says he had it all, wealth, status, and success. Now, wealth and status equals success. Like how do you have wealth and status without success? I mean, I get it. It's Christian. They can't just say and bitches or whatever. but like what a lazy list of three, right?

And the image for that, by the way, yes, a watch. Well, and keys that was assumed presumably to a very nice car and an apple to E with a track ball on the mouse. That was a rich person thing. I'm sure the Harry Potter font on the Bible that he discovered in the mud. I was Harry Potter even a thing in 1995. I do not know. There's a magical sort of a thing about the way he discovers the book, the magic book,

right? I thought it was going to be such a silly looking prop that I was like, oh, he's going to open it and it's going to transform him into Bible man or something. No, no, just silly is looking just a sarcastically made prop by Brian just to fuck you. There's your Bible. You couldn't find an actual Bible. Nope. No. No. That's the Bible. Right. And he's supposed to find it in the mud, but somebody clearly freaked out when they're about to put a Bible in actual dirt. So they went with like cartoonishly bad prop dirt. It's inside like a piece of fake tumbleweed.

It's covered in tinsel, like a paper snake pops out for no reason. Well, I think it's I think it's fake dirt and a fake Bible. You know, they were really cover in their basis. And now I should point out that this is just the like 30 second hero introduction we get at the beginning, right? He loses his mind, dumps out his briefcase, closet the mud, screams, and finds a Bible in the mud. And that's what made him Bible man.

No radio active spider. That's the facts story. That's it. I keep waiting for miles to look up at God and be like, thanks for giving me something made of incontarchment during a rain storm. I'm going to use some tablets here, bro. I'm just saying, I know you do tablets, you do golden plates. I you got a lot of options here. You went with plastic for God's sake. Give me something at least treat this with the same respect you'd

treat a good comic book. Okay. So then we got this amazing title sequence. Oh, this title sequence and theme song, this is Coke off a drum machine personified. one take. I'm not fucking do this again. I promise you one take. It's the Bible man show. All right. I'm out. You know, the door slammed. It's so rough. It sounds like saved by the bell just like broken to a black guy's house and surprised the shit out of them. They're like, sing with us. Now, he's like, all right, I, I, I, oh, the lyrics of this theme song sound like they were made up while the guy was singing. I had to write these down. This is so amazing to me. Bible man's coming. So you better stick around a brand new episode is coming to your town. See how they almost rhyme there? A whole lot of fun with the greatest book

of all. The Bible man's coming and it's going to be a ball because that rhymes with all. And then I love this so much. Go get everyone you know, because it's just about time for the Bible man show. It's the Bible. It's the Bible. It's the Bible man show. That's the rhyme, right? They rhymed Bible man show with Bible man show that's the rhyme, right? They rhymed Bible man show with Bible man. Should are we sure future Senator kid rock did not write that? Don't joke about that man. It's Michigan. That could happen. It looked to be fair. This is not the worst rhyming they do in this episode. No, it really helps. No, it's not. I could just about swear I've heard this song used in Iraqi prisons, or at least I can get on CNN.

They use the music in Iraqi prisons. This is why we had to go and I don't know. There's something about it that does seem really lazy, no, I know exactly what you're talking about. Someone was really congratulating themselves. And the truth is, I mean, this is the kind of thing that you might see, you know, the most basic of creators put together just on a whim. There's no thought at all gone into it. No, no, like the, the, it ends with we're learning how to live and we're learning how to grow. It's storytelling, picture, painting, grooving. Don't you know?

And then Bible man show again. Everybody get ready for Bible man show so that we can once again rhyme Bible man show with Bible man show. Also want to point out written by directed by produced by and starring Willie Ames. Now that's not a credit. That's not a credit. That's the transmission of guilt. That line is. This is like Trump Jr.

Stweeten out the emails basically. Yeah, you don't want to sign your name to this stuff, bro. So now the show proper starts and it starts exactly where you expected to start a church. And in case you didn't get enough, like of your Christian music, Phil, it's going to open up on the church's performing arts team. If this show had just been 37 minutes of them, I would have been just as happy with that. I'm happy about it. That's right after a pastor, Chris Burman from ESPN comes out. Did you notice that? England's when he did.

Yeah. Absolutely. Wow. Satan's stumbling. Bumble and yeah. Yeah. Back, back, back, back. That's his steak. Anyway, I certainly can't get high pitched enough for the whoop Stumble and bumble and yeah, yeah, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, down into the basement, like it's going to do a reveal, but it doesn't. And you can tell it's something sinister because of the evil clown on a very small bicycle music that

we're hearing as they get into the basement. I got kind of a flash when I was watching that segment. You know, having been raised in church, I don't know how many of you guys were raised, but, you know, they were always doing stuff for the youth. They were trying to empower the youth. We had some youth group, but they supposedly catch you name and they would have programs done by youth for the main congregation. And so when I saw those kids paraded out on stage and they really do have that look, I mean, it's the look like I just got my prison closed and now I'm heading out to the yard. I'm going to have all the kids had on stage. That's real. I mean, that's exactly what it was like. And I really kind of got

like the chills because it brought me back to that time of my own youth when I was in church and they would have us do these types of presentations. They were awkward. They were weird and at the end, you'd hear that sort of weird church clap, you know, Amen. It's kind of a mix of claps and amends. So I mean, whatever they were doing, that felt pretty authentic. Almost like they, they'd just called a church and said, Hey, when do you bring in the youth on? Yeah on to do their thing, right? And speaking of prison clothes, why are they all dressed like Louis CK? What do you think is a good uniform for this dance team of teenage girls?

Okay, I got it. So you remember when Louis CK was at his fattest? Can we dress them like that all wearing that size giant black t-shirt and huge jeans. Yeah, I thought they helped. They all had kind of a corn fed thing. I mean, I literally thought if they could call this dance team, the children of Golden Corral, and that would be a big, big, small, piratum. I just want to say I feel like out there somewhere in the world, there is video.

And it's the old school 80s video where the dates on the corner and the cause dad didn't know how to take it off of Seth Andrews wrapping and dancing to armor of God somewhere. And if someone has that, there really is very little that I would not do to obtain it. It's going to throw that out. We have a very specific set of skill. They're mostly juggling. I'm not. Yeah. Right. It's kind of way. I can also write a unicycle. Um, so yeah, no, that's just juggling with your feet. I can juggle with my feet too. Um, so now at this point, so we've got the, the troop doing their dance

number upstairs, but we go down to the basement where there's like the green ooze from the interturtles dripping down the wall. And I wrote my nose. I was like, wow, this show is literally proven that watching paint drip is more interesting than watching the church program. Congrats, guys. But this is where we're going to meet our villain. This is Shadow of Doubt. This is Shadow of Doubt. Yeah, really? Like, I'm the penumbra of the first amendment. Really? The shadow of Doubt.

Yeah. And the way we're going to meet him is by he crashes through a brick wall and does some. All right. Like, I, this is a man who only covers his ass cheeks at weddings and funerals. Okay. Like my, my, my, my note on this guy is like, he looks like the love child of the Heath and Seth was dressed up for a pirate themed gay masquerade or G. I can't imagine why they went. All right. Along with that. We got some work to do. I see wrote a note on that. I said, he looks like the, he looks like the illegitimate child of Ben King's late in the entire cast of Cirque de Soleil.

That was the note I had. I am down as game and weigh-ins. Oh, no, he's the fourth brother who just sat in the basement. So everybody's being complimentary. Everybody's being complimentary of this guy's look. Agreed. Exactly. But yeah, so he breaks through and he's like, you know's being complimentary of this guy's look. Agreed. Exactly. But yeah, so he breaks through and he's like, you know, he does this bad guy.

Ha, ha, I'm the shadow of doubt. I will be defeated by the end of this episode. And then we meet his assistant, Luda Chris, who is apparently the comic relief of the film comedy. You know who shouldn't involve themselves in Metacomedy? Christians. We'll spend this movie. Spoiler, he's just like a teenager in a mask who I'm sure killed himself within minutes

of this production being over. Who's like, you're just an actor man in a mask and we're just, we're just doing this to keep kids amused and they can't watch Sesame Street because learning leads to critical thinking. So, Shadow of doubt, I mean, is this a riddler rip off? What were they going for? Because I saw they were doing those riddles of staccato mannerisms, but I couldn't tell what they were trying to emulate at the time. It was like half Jim Carrey as the riddler and half like anti-black homophobia. They were like, I always felt like Jim Carrey was a little too small in that part. Can you really? I would say this Disney crow it up, you know, just like, yeah.

Yeah. This was clearly an actor who's problem with Jim Carrey is that he underacted so much. Are you married to not blacking up? Yeah. And the assistant is, it's so obvious. They're just trying to like pad. It's a kid pretending to not even try it. The game. So when he loses it, the game, he wasn't trying. Yeah. If he has a built in character as like a defense mechanism for the writers, that's what

this guy's here for. Right. Yeah. Exactly. As though he's trying to insulate this, how crappy this is by coming out and saying, yeah, we know. We know. He's just like roasting the show. Yeah. Like, well, if your mortal enemy is a gay person who's smarter than you, you probably made this TV show. Yeah, right? So now we cut over to the high tech Bible lab or Bible cave or whatever, where Bible

man is getting a Bible alert. Now this computer that is alerting him will say attention Bible man, a total of eight times before it ends. If this is also where we meet Bible man's alter ego, but also his, his black friend coats coats. Why is coach wearing Russian military fatigue. What? And he's in a full, he's in his own fully lit office. Why is he wearing Russian military fatigue? It's not great. Yeah. The token black guy is wearing what white people from Kansas think black people wear,

which, which would be like, like half black Panther party, garb and half African war. Yes. Like, you know, like, like, like a beast of no nation. Can we make him look like a beast of no nation? And he has two medals hanging from his shirt. There's no explanation. Like, what are they? Like I can't look and get him gone. Congratulations on the spelling bee. Because they think you would get in third grade home room for, you know, making a day on the testers. But he's wearing these medals around everywhere he goes. Uh, fun fact. Cotes is actually a prequel for that sheriff who spoke at the Republican

National Convention. Not a lot of people know that, but as you watch the whole series at the end, he doesn't give a guy water and he dies. And then he transforms. It's a really interesting through line he's gotten this year. Which will follow I'm sure in coming episodes. That's just my way of saying yes, there are coming episodes Eli was getting. So now what these two are doing apparently is answering the phone, which is in this universe, it requires a four step process to people in a password and you'll need a vector lock on the.

You have to factor a lot. You have to vector lock on calls. That's how that works. Also, by the way, his password is the Christian version of one, two, three, four, five, six, right? I don't mean we have to work as John free 16. Jesus. So he logs in. This is where we meet Eunice, the supercomputer, which yeah, it's a highly advanced computer. We see the screen. It's a game of asteroids. Yep.

And also, I chose you the next block for Tetris. It's important. I thought our voice was kind of hot. And so I got to admit, there's something about UNIS that just thought, you know, when the lights are off and Bible man and no one's watching Bible man in UNIS, you know, I'm just saying something. Williams actually married the voice of Eunice. Really? Yeah. Yep. They're absolutely. Dumbled into that little piece of trivia, didn't I?

Right. Crazy billionaire remake. We do her, but the voice is Eunice and the star is Bible man. All right. Not until I get a climate fine. I get a fine next fine. I don't know how to pick it together in my head. I wouldn't make any connection. Yeah. So was I, but different. So now I need some clarification here because I feel like I'm going to be the only one who says this and everyone's going to be really negative. Unis is a vicious racist, right? Yeah. Definitely. Okay. Thank you. Because here's the thing. He comes over and he's like John 316 and then and then coats.

He they walk away and they're like, oh, there's a Bible learned and he's like, all right. And she's like, hello Bible man. And he goes, how come nobody ever says hello to me? And there's this awkward pause where Eunice like displays a copy of the bell curve on her screen. So I was very, oh God. It's just a strange moment where unis, I felt like unis was not being honest. So yeah, they go through a little comedy stick about how he doesn't know the magic word or whatever.

And then we finally get the emergency message that took him 14 minutes and a little banter to unlock. Now, this will be from pastor Rex who is concerned and a little banter to unlock. Now this will be from Pastor Rex who is concerned about a young girl named Kyla. And the way he explains this is he says lately Kyla's parents have been struggling with arguing. Yeah, I'm like to the movie. Yep, this is super hero taking this call. Yeah, like the bat signal goes up in the sky. That man like blast through the wall of a restaurant in the tumbler and it's just some guy who like doesn't want to share his entree with his wife.

They're just like mad. I'm just saying you should order all the food you want. And like I always order everything I want. That's what ordering food means. Just like we didn't agree on sharing. Confirm that. I love that that's your standard couples argument. I hate first was come on.

Like what it just order what you want to eat. order what I want to eat if you don't finish I'm helping what we didn't agree for each hard cuz she's the kids menu and there's never He's engaged by the way make sure you congratulate Continue oh my god So shutting down that running gag. It's a. That's it. So the transmission ends. Bible man is very concerned. He's never seen past a wreck so worried before in his life. So I guess it's time for him to go into the Bible man chamber or whatever. I got excited about that. I mean, I was waiting for you. He's

going to slide down the shoot. There is he going to. I mean, I was waiting for you to slide down the shoot. Is he going to, is there going to be some sort of a rock and roll show that happens? I mean, did anybody else feel a sense of real let down? I mean, they just, yeah, when the shooting up scene is just, yeah, I'll be in the other room. I'm going to change. It takes, it takes a really long time. This thing is entirely made of nerf. So, yeah, also, by the way, this is where we learn that the magic word was please all along. Is he getting it? Because that's anyway. Yeah, no, that's all that's all this movie's got to offer in terms of humor, guys. You

know, loosen up. I completely disagree. Ludicrous will cut himself later in this movie. I'm just saying it's fine. That's one of the great jokes. That's one of the funny things. Yeah. Now Bible man goes to Pastor Rex's church. This is the first time in the film. We've seen it in the credits, but this is the first time we really get a good look at his purple and yellow muscle suit. I had my notes. It's like Magneto asked his tailor to gay it up on a budget. Yeah. And he's like peacocking with his purple case. Like his golden chest plate and helmet are too subtle. And he's like, he cocking with his laryd. Well, they got Kyla sitting on the stage at this point. Now, apparently there's choreography

or dancers or something's going on all around it. But for some reason, she's like sort of split out on the church stage looking for Lauren. And I'm like, how did you get there? Where are you folks supervising you? Right. Why are you just sort of drifting and not being attended to by anybody? And then a guy, a guy wearing fake muscles in a mask walks up to her and he's like, so let's talk about the most intimate parts of your life. And this is a creepy. And Kyla, Kyla looks kind of like, like, am I going to get molested again? I'm having the one week awful. He's this like the third time. Seriously, I'm just telling at this point, like he literally comes up there, like he's

awkwardly hitting on this girl in a bar. So you, uh, anyway, I'm going to sit half on the stage and half off because this won't allow me to lift my legs this costume. But, uh, you know, we'll look for a recline here. Let's pants make you look medium, not fat. Is this working? Jesus working. I just read the game to talk to someone, Carla. Do you really need to talk to someone? Talk to someone. I literally creeped out. I told you to be out. Yeah, it's hard to imagine. Like, you know, I guess it's 95 or 96 or whatever when this was made. So maybe we weren't super aware of the child molestation thing at that point. But, yeah, yeah, I imagine in retrospect, this seemed like a bad idea.

So he quotes Romans, but the little girl is unimpressed. He advises that she pray for her parents, you know, since that'll fix your problems right there. When he quotes the Bible, I really wanted Matt Damon to show up and just like goodwill hunting the shit out of him. Yeah, brah, I read Romans too. You're up and just like goodwill hunting the shit out of him. Yeah, brah. I read Romans too. You're going to plagiarize the whole thing for us.

Do you have any original studying theology? Next, you're going to be talking about some vickers. Yeah. Oh God, if anything needs a crazy billionaire remake, this is it, right? So but the little girl is on impress. She's like, it feels like God doesn't even care. And at that revelation, we, we cut down to the basement where shadow of doubt is listening in on a red coat solo cop on a string, right? Cause this, this show's not taking itself too seriously, guys. We know we're silly. It's pretty funny.

And this is also where we learned that Kyla just started having, it's not really the parents arguing that's bothering her. She found a Claire's gift box full of doubt. So yeah, exactly. She opens up the little box that apparently she found in the church basement that had all of the evil not believing in God in it. So Bible man decides he's going to go check out that basement. See if there's any evil supervillains lurking in there. But on the way out, the pastor stops and he's like, is there anything I can do? Bible man? He's like, of course, you can wish in your head, dumbass. That's what we do. Yeah. I wrote in my notes here. Yeah. Can you think real hard about this little girl

in the pastors like way ahead of you. No, I meant prayers. Oh, what about prayers about the little girl? I just think about that little, but you guys seeing that meme where the guy is drowning in the dudes on the dog going thoughts and prayers and screaming into the top of the moon. That's what I thought of. Thought pastor and prayers. So we cut down to shadow of a, uh, shadow of doubt in the basement here. Now he and ludicrous have to have a little bit of comic banter before the first big fight scene starts. Yeah. And he like, he does is like, oh, my plan will be complete. And again, ludicrous is just listening to Johnny Cash's hurt loading a gun slowly. And he's like,

I don't know, man. Like, what is that? What is that achieve slowly and he's like, I don't know, man. Like what is that? What is that a chief? And he's like, you know what, ludicrous? We had a whole meeting with HR about this. Why don't we just that we filled three minutes? So why don't you just, you know, and he wants to ludicrous wants to incorporate holograms. And I just want to say I too wanted to incorporate holograms into my profession and was shut down my employers I'm not saying names, but it rhymes with boa fusions

Hey, I said 200 episodes in I want a visual meeting. I didn't say I didn't want a three-dimensional Still on though. It's still on the table. I love this ludicrous character though He's so you're just shitting on the movie the whole time like he might as well stick his arm out of my screen and close the tab of this movie. So I don't watch anymore. I enjoy a Bible man entering the basement in this hue of blue smoke. Like, you know, this is the staple of every church basement, every lower level of every church. Just for some reason, bathed in a hue of blue fog or smoke. And he walks in and you know,

the music swells and whatnot. And then he pulls out the lightsaber, which is. The lightsaber. I don't know how to say this. It's if you haven't seen Bible man and you haven't seen his weapon of choice, which is obviously a Star Wars ripoff. It is, it's the color of my urine after I take a multivitamin. That's a Bible man's white Yeah, does that give you the visual you need? And you feel like a lawyer at Lucasfilm was like, all right, so we got all the paperwork drafted, but we'd have to watch the movie I don't know. I'm thinking we don't own light.

That's the silly thing. Let him have it. So now, yeah. Okay. So he comes down into the basement. He pulls out his lightsaber. He puts it back. And then he runs into shadow of doubt.

So this is where we get the first fight scene. No, a whole lot of preamble. It's just, oh, you're a bad guy. I'll attack you with my lightsaber. Luckily for shadow of doubt, he too has a lightsaber because they couldn't come up with anything of their own. And I have to point out there's this really weird choice here. When he gets Bible man's attention, he does a ripoff of John Melchovic mocking Nick Cage

in Conair when John Melchovic is like, nothing makes me sad or when the agent lost his bladder on the airplane, right? That's what he's doing. He's doing a mocking of Cyrus, the virus, but for Bible man, the TV show. Wow. And now I got to go back and read the movie again. Good. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I've seen in Conair. That's absolutely what this actor is doing. Also best rhyming in the entire film, including the theme song. So yeah, so they, and as they're fighting, by the way, I should point out that there, this is the first time we get their Bible quote banter back and forth. Right, it starts off with some, some digs against Shadow of Doubt's teeth. I thought, hey, man, you know, some people have good genetics in terms of dental and some

people don't, you know, no reason to get all bitchy about it. But but then they go into the whole Bible quote back and forth thing, which is fucking insane. We also, we also get my favorite line in the whole show. He goes the shadow of dad's like, I'd love to stay and play Lembeck, but I doubt you feel the same. Clearly the line was like I love to stay and play buddy or something or whatever. And the guy's character name from Charleston, charge always that what? Okay. Aims is filled with rage at this point. Just starts to actually fight his fellow actor out, out. Oh, you are. Look at the sign. What does the sign say? Never mention C and C.

You lied. Look at the sign. What does the sign say? Never mentioned C and C. That's why I'm the writer, producer, director, lighter, gaffer, sounder. Now, so we got to point out what's going on here is as they're having this fight in this banter, shadow of doubt has some kind of weird, sentient green sploge of doubt that will attack will periodically attack Bible, man, weaponized skepticism gas. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And so eventually this takes him out at which point shadow just leaves in the scene is over.

He's like, I've defeated you. You're standing here with your neck right before me. So I'm out. I will see you at the next fight scene. Yep. I'm amazed at this at the clumsy nature of this whole section. For the reason that they're hitting you over the head with a two by four as far as the metaphor, right? Oh, look, he's plagued with doubt. He's over. Bible man has overcome without doubt escapes doubt has overcome doubt won the battle and I had just thought this is, doubt escapes, doubt has overcome doubt, won the battle. And I just thought, this is, you know, first of all, I've done whole presentations about the beauty of doubt and

how the church likes to frame doubt. Is either a sin or a weakness or, or, you know, you're under attack of the devil. At no point, would they see, does the church like to frame doubt in a positive context? Now we say, when in look, if someone could ask your kid to get in a carbastranger, they would doubt that and they would have to be a protective mechanism. If someone says that they can, you know, they have, they can turn water to wine and it's not Jesus and it's not two thousand years ago and you don't have a video, a Karen to prove it, they will doubt it and they think that's perfectly fine. But in the church, you know, they really, what's especially when it comes to these young kids. And I actually

grieved a little bit when I saw the actress that played Kyla because I thought this little girl feels like she's part of a story that is a moral story. That's a good story that's going to encourage other kids. And she's actually sort of caught up in this mechanism. And the message to her and to the viewers, especially if this one scene is don't doubt, don't doubt, even when doubt overcomes you and feels like it's won the day hang in there and go with the flow, fake it till you make it, say it, spray it, wheel it, deal it, make them feel it. And I found that kind of a tragic message,

especially one targeted to kids. Well, you know, it's so I'm so glad that we have your perspective on this because as I'm watching, this is obviously that's the poisonous message that is the undercurrent of this entire episode. And I don't know exactly what the message is, right? Because like the message is clearly don't doubt, but it's like, what do you do instead, right? Because doesn't the message then become don't think? Yeah, no, that's exactly what the message was. Yeah. It's a message that I think he capped at the, when he did his little Jerry Springer last

word stand up, I don't know what you call that. I mean, I don't mean to jump again, but I mean throughout the entire thing. The text and the subtext is God made a promise. Oh, your parents are fighting and you're worried that the marriage may break up and you're really miserable as a human being and your life's not happy and you have no purpose and you're lying on the floor on the stage in the middle of a church by people dancing around you. Well, that's okay. It's okay if you don't feel see, notice, taste, smell God.

It's okay if God is not detectable in any way, look, it's printed here that God is here. And that's really all you need to hold on to. That's what I took from that anyway. Yeah, no, I mean, like obviously the messages don't think because that's the only message that they can possibly send to kids because, you know, even six and seven year olds are figuring out that this is bullshit. So yeah, it's disturbing as it is. That was over and over again, the massive. Yeah, he starts doubting. He just like takes a fetus out of his pocket, starts eating it.

Sorry. I was going to use this for a sting video, but now I have no morals to go down and everything. And here I am eating a fetus. This is what happens. Kids like a Capri Sun, you got to stab it. Oh, I missed. I mean, it's, I mean, it's tummy. It feels pain, you know, that's just scientific fact. And so don't get any ideas, bro, we don't need a visual representation of that one, man. I mean, I appreciate all the work you do, but we do not need the fetus Capri Sun. The presons and daughters.

It never happens. It seems like a weird challenge. This a running gag. I don't know. Sadly, no, I just want to go to the corner and rock back and forth for low. You're going to need a very long shower after this one. Yeah. So now we had back to Bible lab where Bible man's alter ego is apparently analyzing the green sploge.

And carrying up so unsure how this is supposed to work. He's just like, run the computer on it. I'm the computer, right? Can you run it again? What would that change? Do you know why don't units, um, you're being real negative. And you could just, you and me first coats. I thought we agreed.

Yes. Really gang up on the plaque. I come on now. So and speaking of coats, he comes in at this point. He's like, Miles, you've been working on this for days. And I'm like, then you just now got around to having your computer analyze the substance. Are you sure it's been days? Yeah.

And coats is just carrying a flask for no reason. They keep doing science stuff like that. It's like, and this is what the grenadine looks like in a flask. What were you doing? Analyze something. Also, is it just me or is coats very clearly calling his gay lover to bad in this thing? Absolutely. Absolutely.

Thank you. That's exact. I wrote this is very progressive for Bible man. It's just come to bed. Come on. You're a few minutes. No. No, don't take a few minutes.

Come on. I'm going to bed. Remember, Dr. Paulson said we should go to bed at the same time. Anybody else think the computer looked like those handwriting analysis computers at the state fair that they always drag around to city to city. Anyway, I just got that vibe with all the flashing lights. I guess they're going to, to try to look like mother from alien back from 1979, but I mean, it's just useless flashing things in big bulky boxes. Essentially, we

require this to analyze the evil doubt substance. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Wait, these lights are blinking out of sequence. Yeah. Start feeding punch cards into the computer. And what is digital testimony? He said something like, I'm analyzing my digital testimony. What? What's the digital testimony? And there was no context given that I could see. What is it?

Yeah, well, I think it's the same thing as vector lock. It just said science word, science word, they are. And they ran out of science words and had to go with testimony because they're like, well, that's Christian, I guess. Yeah, it's so, like the techno babble in this show is priceless because it's like, well, that's Christian, I guess. Yeah, it's, it's so, like the techno babble in this show is priceless. Because it's like, it's not things that you would need techno babble for, right? It's just like, answer the phone, but they don't know how to say that. And they have to say vector lock. So, yeah. So eventually he agrees to come to bed with the black man.

I wouldn't come out wearing like a silk version of the same warlord uniform. Is that thing you like? Do that thing. I'll be EDM mean you be you be ava brawn will mix it up. But the times races get weird with it. All right. A quick call back to all that great please humor later. We go back to Kyla, the very young girl that Bible man has taken

an uncomfortable interest in. And once again, she's on the church stage like she was last time, but this time with a very porny, paint me like one of your French girls, kind of a shot. It's really, really disturbing. And she's having a flashback to our arguing parents. Oh, and I wanted these flashbacks to continue so badly, like flashback or the parents fighting and then a helicopter over Hanoi and then a little girl holding a grenade, pulls the pin. I know we have some editors who are listeners. you can make this happen. Give me some of that. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest, I kept saying crazy billionaire money. Like we, all we need is the Bible man outfit. So crazy hundred air remake could really do the trick on this

one. Now we get us Willie Ames too. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. So Bible man shows up. Kayla is super pissed that he hasn't fixed her parents yet. Yeah. And you, you can see him react and fear she goes, you and he goes, you promised you wouldn't tell him. She's like, you said everything you would be okay. And he's like, oh, it's okay, guys. She's just doing her line. She's just, all right.

Dream relax. Take that tone with me. Cut your head off with a lightsaber. So yeah. So she's demanding, you know, like where was God last night? I prayed and he didn't stop my parents from fighting. And of course, by woman is trying to answer back with his standard apologetics or whatever. But at the same time, shadow is downstairs attacking him with more of this doubt gas from a far.

shadow is downstairs attacking him with more of this doubt gas from afar. Okay, just real good. The shadow of doubt guy and ludicrous living in the church basement now together. I'm confused by what they're doing. Yeah, you just thought about this more than the writer. Yeah. So yeah, so the little girl trots off all bitchy because he can't fix anything. And then we get the little scene where shadow is like monologuing about how closest plans are to fruition so that Luder Chris can make fun of him some more and explain how dumb this script is. Luder Chris might as well tag us in a post at this point. But now it's, oh my god. Okay, so you thought it was bad before. But now it's time for Shadow to pull out his flasks of Acme Instant Minions, which he throws down

and they turn into late 80s background dancers. That means there's a dance number coming, y'all. No escaping it now. And it is amazing. Like Seth, you recommended this months and months and months ago when people first recommended this movie to us and I was like, oh my gosh, we got to do it with Seth. And Seth, I got to say, I don't want to be too aggressive here. I needed some kind of warning that the devil had a thriller as dance number, okay?

I just needed to medically prepare. There's a clash of so many things that should never meet in that scene, right? I mean, you've got the sort of evil ask backup dancers who are vaguely reminiscent to the bride of Frankenstein. You get that. I mean, they got the hair and the white stripes. They're in tight clothes and something that's, they're in very tight spandex and something that's targeted to very young children.

And I'm thinking, well, you know, build your target audience of young males, I guess, you're going for that. And I don't know, it was just awkward. I felt like it was, it was a clash again of things that she really never meet. I don't know. Anybody else catch that? Yeah. I mean, I honestly feel like this guy and rap probably are two things that should never meet. Yeah. Also, all the rhymes they used were things that should never meet.

And like, again, you said it earlier, the theme song was not the laziest the rhymes we're going to get. Not even close. It gets real rough here. Yeah, the title of the song is I recall it was doubt is out. This little doubt disco that they're doing and was and it's called doubt is out. I'm guessing it was available on sort of Bible man, no, a track or everything. Yeah, I got out there.

And you want to steal from C and C music factory. If you're going to steal from Thriller, you also want to steal everybody dance now. Everybody sweat. Now now. And he's out. Yeah, that's what they went. This feels like a weird legal challenge at certain points, right? Don't let me feel like they like they got an Andrew and he was like, oh, no, I'll do

everything for free. You guys are a church and they were like, Oh, no, I'll do everything for free. You guys are a church and they were like, really? M-I-C-K-E-Y-M. What are you doing? We should not just mention nothing, nothing. But see, here's the thing. And I think this is really common when you have this Christian media, whatever the type of media is, right? They're counting a lot of the times on the fact that people won't sue them because they're Christian, right? Like these T-shirts that you say, see that have like the Jesus pieces or whatever, you know, obviously, Reese's could sue them for that, but that would make them look bad because they're suing church groups and stuff like that.

So over and over again, you see churches really abusing the goodwill of companies that would probably get, you know, a lot of negative press if they tried to sue people out of the using their stuff. Or if they accused certain movie producers of a crime they didn't do. Yeah, that also, that also as we found out is not apparently that's the whole thing. So speaking of those rhymes, you're absolutely under something when you talk about how Christian culture likes to copy pop culture. You know, when I was a broadcaster,

it was whatever's hot on the radio within six months, there was, if not three, there was a Christian equivalent. If you went to our bookstores, Christian music stores or whatnot, they had people ripping off everything from Coke, Coke, Cola, they had somebody rip off the tide logo, you know, washes sins out, you know, makes you feel fresh, they would steal those lines. They had, instead of got milk, they did got Jesus with the same fonts, the same layout, the same artistry. They ripped off Starbucks, they ripped off all these. And USA Today actually did, and several other people did, some research on where these sorts of, I'm just going to call it brand theft

items came from within religious communities and in the religious marketplace. And Noah, you're absolutely right. The consensus was that many of these companies that had caused benefit discussion and they realized that the PR, the bad PR they'd get by suing somebody in the church, a religious institution who was using their message to sell Jesus. Ah, they're not making that much money. They're not that big of pain in the ass. They just let it go for fear

that they would look anti-religion and they would have a huge backlash in a monstrous religious monstrous, well, in many ways, in a huge religious consumer base here in the United States. And, you know, it's kind of cheap. I mean, there's a saying that says, why create mediocrity when you can copy genius? So you find people in the church who are not creative enough to go out and make something from scratch that is excellent and unique. They merely find what's popular. They copy, cat, if they make some money off of it and they get to play the religion card if anybody threatens to sue. Yeah, and keep in mind that this is for profit, shit, right?

Like it's not like they're giving this away to the churches or whatever. They're selling this and making money on it. So. Yeah. Yeah. Also real quick, can we talk about a couple of the specific lyrics in the song? Please do. Okay. So at one point they say, he's both a verb and a noun.

They're talking about shadow of doubt. I'm assuming. Yeah. Okay. When you say shadow of doubt or shadow of a debt, those are both nouns in that case. They're right. Exactly. Both those can be nouns, both can be words. Those are both fucking nouns in that case. So your idiots. Another thing, he, he eats his carrots and peas.

They is another one. I have questions about that. I have questions. Oh, do you have a question about that? That's not what, why? Reasonable to you? Because they need something that rhymed with ease. You see, fucking typical atheists and their beef stew. Gross. Really?

What? You know, I don't know why that reminds me of that. What's that T-shirt? It was a, maybe it's a church marquee. And it said, one cross, one spear, three nails equals four given. And you know, Chris, he was like five given dumbass. I'm so happy about that. Here's the lyric that confused me the most. I bet it's the last one. Yeah, he's my favorite villain.

Something, something you will be ill in? We're not. No, this is the line. I went back and checked this several times to make sure. He's my favorite villain. If you don't, you will be ill in. What? What?

If you don't, what? I don't know. I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm being yelled at by someone who runs a bodega. Just like, you know, he will be ill. I'm so sorry. I don't have to use a credit card, man. I have cash. I'll go hit the ATM just like, if he was very upsetting.

Don't what? You will be ill. I just, there's no context whatsoever. I even went back to the previous lines to see, oh, is he continuing a thought from before? But no, he's not. They just, yeah, and I think they have no idea what healing or don't means.

So at this point, as we're watching it, as I'm watching this, my wife comes in the room, and I've got my headphones and I'm watching it on my computer, and she just sees the look on my face and she goes, what the hell are you watching? This is mid-dance number. Yeah, fantastic. So I removed my headphones and she just sees the look on my face and she goes, what the hell are you watching? This is mid dance number. So I removed my headphones and I let her watch the end of this thing, this whole little dance number that Shadow of Doubtless, her jaw is on the floor. She goes to walk out after it's done and the only word she uttered as she left was

traumatic. That was her one word break down of the film. Such a weird scene. They have a really weird picture in their head of atheists. Like they're just picturing like Seth in his basement with like a fucking cauldron of beef stew apparently. And he's doing atheist hip hop with a Ron Ron mat. He likes really weird fucking picture they have. Unless you guys did that. In case you're an actor a picture. I don't know. I have no recollection. Can you say that?

Can you not confirm it tonight? Oh, if you do, oh my good, we get a little hemmed in there. Hemmed does a Bret Hart from the ceiling to, comes on down, gets some dillahuntie coming out of the stage. Richard Dawkins rides in on a white horse dressed like Christopher Hitchens. I'm into this. Everyone's committed. All right. All the votes. While we try to set that one up, I guess we've earned ourselves a quick break, but first I got to give act three, the hard sell here. Will Kyla warm to Bible man's horribly inappropriate advances? Will ludicrous eventually just say the Eli Bosnick story and reveal

this as the farce it is. Will Miles and Cotes cut the tension and fuck already? Find out the answers to these questions and more, we'll be returned for the repetitive and deeply unsatisfying conclusion of Bible man defeating the shadow of doubt. Hi, I'm shadow of doubt and this is my sidekick ludicrous. I'm I'm actually just an actor. Okay. Oh ludicrous so wacky actually I'm meta and by interacting with me. So are you all of this is scripted reacting with me. So were you. All of this is scripted. Ah, ha, ha, ha.

It's feel like our wacky antics are here to put a relatively gentle spin on a pretty insidious message, you know? Okay, Nudegris. That's like a children show telling kids not to think for themselves. That's pretty messed up. So okay, Nudegris. Good. That's enough of the antics. We're this is brainwashing right good. I Wanted to be a dancer Why hello there Kyla. Hey, Bob a man. What's the matter? I Guess I just been having doubts. I mean what does it all mean? Well remember in I mean, what does it all mean?

Well, remember in Corinthians 31, yeah, but but doesn't the Bible also say slaves should obey their masters? Well, yeah, it does say that. I mean, I guess we're all slaves. If you think about it, slaves are job slaves, our relationship slaves are all minds. The only real freedom is death, right? Oh, okay. Relationships slaves their own minds the only real freedom is death, right? Oh Okay, uh Well, I think

Maybe I don't remember what it was like before I was born, but I know it wasn't painful. I Think I'm gonna go And we're back for more of this shit Seth had a chance to escape and didn't take it. So we're going to return to the action post-dance number with Bible man returning to the basement lightsaber already drawn this time. I actually almost sent you a message at this point in the video and almost said thanks anyway for the invitation. That's so funny.

You would say that I almost thought I cannot finish this clip. You know, I just remembered how much bigger my show is than your survival. Ah. I'm desperate for the exposure. So here I am prostituting myself for the sake of the show. I'll tell you what, amazingly enough, we still haven't gotten one of those.

I'm sure of that every time we bring someone on the show that I'm going to get that email saying, woo, you didn't warn me enough. So yeah, okay. So now without preamble, Bible man comes out and just like Paul's lightsaber out, they start fighting again with more of this Bible quote, shit talk. And I should say also on the fight choreography. This is basically like watching children play with nerf swords. Right. They're clearly not trying to hit each other. They're trying to hit the other sword. It's even I fight over the check at lunch with more viciousness than all the fight scenes in this movie. And cool. It helps. But it between blows is the sword's lock.

They always sort of chatted up. They chatted each other. And this is the point for me where Willie aims attempting to sound badass. I mean, he has a voice, which I was trying to think of what his voice sounded like. It's the same sound you hear when somebody flies a mini RC helicopter over your back porch. That is what Willie Ames's voice sounds like when he's trying to be tough. So, you know, they lock swords and he would say, you know, Romans or John or he'd quote a description at a first time of the end of the specific references. And the more he tried to deepen and make his

voice sound more authoritative, the more I thought he sounded like a weed wacker. He sounds like all the mean impersonations of white people got together and formed Voltron, just like. He knew. There's this great little homophobic moment in the middle of this fight scene where Shadow kind of goes in for the guest. He goes, miss me, miss me. Now you gotta, oh nevermind that so gay.

Sorry, sorry. I say crazy billionaire money. What we do is we remake this scene for scene except for right here. It turns into hardcore gay porn and we just throw it on YouTube. Don't let anyone know. Oh, I really wanted them to kiss there. And then Shadow just keeps saying doubt over and over. Bob Mann starts doubting his sexuality. I don't know. It says in Leviticus 2013, he just kills

himself with a big stone. Now you've just spoiled the end of the series for us. Yeah, but Bible man confirms here that he will never renounce his faith in Jesus Christ. So if shadow realizing this has to pull out a couple of more of them minions. Now I want to point out we spend a lot of time, a whole musical number, in fact, setting up these minions, right? Like this was going to be a big deal and setting up a dance fight against. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yes. Don't do it. So does the point. No, he throws the minions out by, well, man, it's both of them with his lightsaber and they die. Okay, that was. Yep. Important. Um, and then so shadowed out wanders off Bible man,

praise to God to forgive him for doubting him. Yep. This seems like a weird one to me. Uh, so without we literally couldn't think of anything else. So we just replayed the last fight scene seen out of the way We head back to Bible lab where coats has made a breakthrough and he's so dismissive of coats He feels so racial. He's like Bible man. I think I figured it out. No Doesn't matter would you say that if units suggested it? No, I mean if units suggested I

would you say that if units suggested it? No, I mean, if units suggested, I'm not gonna listen to this. No. Yeah, well, what we're supposed to learn here is at this point, the doubt has gotten so bad, Bible man is even doubting himself. What? Yep. And how do they not have like a faith affirming musical number here? Right? Like, like, like, George Michael comes out, got a faith faith faith, like, number here. Right. Like George Michael comes out, got a half faith faith like, Oh, so Chris pops up, that guy was actually bisexual. So and that song's not about religion, maybe just think it through. And I actually had a moment here where I thought we were going to have a positive message

because he's like, he's doubting himself and he and Kyla both doubt themselves. And I was like, oh, it's gonna be about believing in yourself. Nope. Nope. That is. That is not the road we are being led down. It's the literal dumb ass opposite. Yes.

Yes. Whatever you do, don't believe in yourself. Yep. Yeah. That's a problem. Coats then opens up a box and he's like, look, it's a little box filled with tiny copies of the God delusion or something.

I don't know. Well, he's got this great line right, because Bible man says at this point, he's like, whoever this is, he's affected my ability to reason. I'm like, is that the word you were going for, man? I mean, he did, like in the way a good teacher does, I guess. A fact that, that you have negatively.

And and now we get the best plug in any media I have ever seen of everything ever. He logs onto the computer to analyze the box filled with the little fighting God copies, right? And the screen is on a Christian video game, obviously sold by this company. And that man's like, hey, is that a fun game? Kids can play at home and he's like, it sure is. And he's like, sorry, that was just on the screen.

Anyways, and the movie never, I wanted Luder Chris to jump out so badly and be like, really, guys? Really? You couldn't just throw a copy of the game at the screen. God makes the breakthrough. And I know that you've got Bible man or you got Willie Ames's character, Miles is watching him over. And he's really impressed with his discovery. And he actually says the scripted line, which I guess from the opening credits we know

was written by Willie himself. He said, this is swell. I thought, where are the remaining two words that are missing, which are golly, beef, because that's the kind of language, you know, this is swell. Golly, beef. What do you expect from a writer who at one point has the line? What is it? Like, I know you're concerned for me, but I'm concerned for that little girl. We all had notes on that somehow we skipped it earlier with the line came up, but yeah. So he found little box and they analyzed it. They realized that shout out to this vapor, this green splooge or whatever is an emotion intensifying vapor. It's not a vapor, by the way. It's a solid mineral that sublime into poisonous doubt gas. That's the evil plot here,

just to be clear. What if we just bring up the problem? We're doing the doubt gas. We're doing the fucking doubt gas. I built the thing. I found these minerals that you can supply them into a get green gas. The whole thing. Well, I love to because this is where like, first of all, it was codes that made this breakthrough, but then Bible man kind of takes over to explain it to coats, you know, but what he does, he's got it. He's doing that like the teacher, like trying to bring you to the answer dialectic or whatever. And he goes, think about it, coats. What's the one common factor between me and Kyla? The one, the two white American middle class Christians of the same denomination.

It's a long fucking list, bro. Syphilis. No. God, God, new one. Stop it, coats. And apparently the answer he was going for was that both he and Kyla have feelings. I think I want, I wanted coats to be like, I have feelings, man. Sure you do. Sure you do, coats. So he goes, he goes at this point, he goes, coats, Bible quiz. You know, so coats puts on his thinking cap, he says, which proverb tells us not to trust our feelings? That would be, I believe, Proverbs 3.5 wasn't.

Yep. Yeah. So this entire episode in a nutshell is Proverbs 3.5, which basically, so I was thinking, shh. The two characters at this point in Unicin go, don't trust your feelings. Yep. It's like an anti-PSA. I just needed them to get into a van where a man was promising them puppies,

and I'd know I was being them puppies. And I know I was being. Well, I was, he starts his, this is such a great example of a Christian starting a thought that they can't finish, right? Without admitting their full of shit. Cause he goes, you see coats, if we trust our feelings in the moment, we can be tricked. But what he, you know, the follow up to that is we need to like step back and think about things rationally But he can't go there, right? So he just stops as a, you know, we can't trust our feelings in the moment We need to trust other people's feelings in different moments dead people But in no of the sun or wind worked You're thinking a lot just

You're thinking a lot just. So yeah, armed with this information, I guess it's time for a Bible man to shoot up and go help the little girl and team fuck the gay guy with coats, I guess. Yeah. What's up with the potato cannon on the gay coach? You want to come along. You want to come help, you know, and he just happens to have laughing on the desk. What looks like a Spud Cannon. I couldn't get my header. And later on during one of the battles, he has to stop. He has to pull out and activate the gun site on a cannon to shoot a target that is literally four feet.

And they show us the site and it's so much worse. All of a sudden he can't see. They show the view through the scope and it got worse. The site looks just like the necklace from evil dead. Remember the girlfriend's necklace that looks just like the necklace from evil dead. Well, and the other thing we should point out is that at that point when he's citing the gun with that, he's shooting nets, right? So it's not like he has to zero in directly or anything.

And he's to hand him from within six feet, and in a direction, just a web of red lasers all over the guy. That's where that net's going to go. So, you know, to be fair, we will learn that spoiler alert. He's only going to use the net once and he's going to be like, give it back. I didn't know that. But I'm jumping ahead. I'm jumping ahead.

Yeah. No, I looked at that thing and I thought for sure, it's like, well, I guess when you're a Christian, you can't use that telescope for science. You can use it for something. So yeah, so they rush out. Coaches armed up with his bazooka, which apparently they just keep lying around in the lab. Probably not a great idea to have the black panther looking guy carry around a bazooka and Kansas.

I'm just saying probably doesn't go well. So we head back to the church. And if you thought that you were only going to get one visit from the teeny-bopper dance and rap crew, you have underestimated this show, my friend. Oh, and it's so ex- and literally they are introduced by him. And now, to do that again, is them again more. Yeah. To do our featured worship song tonight titled choreography by gunpoint. I mean, blank stairs, joyless faces like they cannot wait to get off the stage and off to do whatever it is they want to do. If we go North Korean parade. And so as well, this is going on too.

Bible man sits next to Kyla with it with the attitude of a guy still apologizing to his girlfriend for fucking her sister or something. He sits down all awkward. Hey Kyla, are you still mad? And this is where they have the, it's scary when your parents argue conversation. Mm hmm. Yep. This little girl seems embarrassed to be there as well. She should. I think I love the genuine reactions you can see in this girl's face. Bobbin's like, yeah, so the, the Bible says we should stop thinking.

And he was being so clearly like, well, that's fucking stupid. I'm going to fuck girls and be an atheist. I'm going to call it. This is ridiculous. See you at the Seattle live show. Literally her response is, uh-huh. Do you leave now? Yeah.

Well, at first he throws out his weird apologetic and the little girl's actual line written again by Willie Ames is the fuck you talking about, man. That's the first thing. And then he's like, Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I guess that doesn't make any sense. What I mean to say is sometimes we have no clue what's going on. So yeah, now I feel better, Bible man, because if I feel better, but Bible man Because if I say that you'll go away and stop my parents have called the police about you I just want to make sure that you know that they will know if I go missing Your basement is the first one they should check So and of course, this is where we have to learn that even Bible man has doubts from time to time

But not about Jesus or anything that even Bible man has doubts from time to time, but not about Jesus or anything. No, no, no, no, no. I find it ironic. I find it ironic that the child, I don't know what is she 10 or whatever, the child in the first 90% of the episode is actually the most reasonable and adult person in the cast, right? Like, shit goes wrong. She feels bad about it and she doesn't see divine intervention

and she's like, well, let's make no sense. What a bunch of crap. And she's honest about her feelings and she's a little bit disenfranchised with what the church has told her and all of these things. And I think to myself, man, this girl's centered, right? She's centered. She's much more adult and the other adults featured on screen. Yeah, no, she's just like teaching Bible man. Yeah, she's just like, you know, I've really realized that a meditation practice is what I needed because you know, emotions are just projections of thought throughout space. You know what I'm saying?

I'm saying. Do you love to do your thoughts or do your thoughts have control over you? Come on, let's talk about this Bible, man. Well, I love to because Bible man tells her, like, as I've written before, at least, she's like, don't forget Jesus never for sakes anyone, which is why kids never die or get raped. Hold on, hold on. Let me go back and not give examples. So for that guy that made fun of him at Cross Camp, who's let get eaten by birds.

But remember, at any point, see the parents. The parents exist completely beyond context. They are these sort of disembodied voices behind the doors. So it removes, if there was supposed, there would have been, as if there would have been any real drama. The idea of us really caring about the husband and wife is completely removed because we have no idea with their faceless, they are almost voiceless, they're completely contextless. So we don't even

know what they fight about. Yeah. The groundbreaking message, marriage is heart, does not exactly dramatically increase the tension of the viewing audience. Right? Marriage is heart. Oh, that's tough. It sucks. And sometimes it's hard for the kids. I mean, this is not anything that's going to rattle anybody's cage, right? Yeah. Parents might as well be angry trombones, just like, mullemaking. See, I was picturing the Charlie Brown parents, but a busy, just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that was one of the troll of the brown parents being abused. That's the show. Listen to another ringtone. I just want you to know. We're loading you up today. So yeah, so now the little girl is either fine or really wants him to leave. So she's like, no, yeah, I get it.

I get it now. You're, you're good Bible man. You have done your mission. So now him and coach can go kick shadows ass because the kettlebell music. Yeah. Yeah. Sprinkly sound, sprinkly sound, sprinkly sound, and then suddenly they're heading down into the basement to find shadow again.

I love to do this is where we get the line where he's like, uh, coach is like, I feel like Kagnia and Lacey and bio man's like, gay. Faggot. No, wait, wait, wait, hang on. Did they actually, did you make a Kagnia and Lacey reference her as that a gay? Yeah. No, he actually did. But we're Kagnia and Lacey gay together. Wait, did he use the, did he refer to Kagnia and Lacey?

Yeah, the television show targeted to 40 something females and they put that pop culture reference in a video for children in 1995. Come on, kids, time daily. Nobody. Nobody. All right, this guy knows, no, nobody. Okay. I missed it.

I just slipped right by me. No your audience, man. He's like, I feel like Cagney and Lacey and he's like, hey, don't say that. That's girly. And he's like, oh, what? And he's like, I'm wearing tights, man. I don't feel like super good about my sexuality to begin with. And as they're having this weird Chris, Chris slowly comes up behind them, internalized homophobia.

Stop. You're supposed to do that to that character. See who you're not in the next one. You know who's a bad actor? Willie Ames. Yeah. Said actor holy shit. All right.

So now it's time for yet more lightsaber fight Bible quoting, but this time, of course, we've also got coats Circling around the bad guys with his telescope bazooka Like it's a sword. He's yeah sword circle like thing with a bazooka. He's like holding out in front of him so weird Yeah, apparently they didn't have any idea what to do here Also at this point I wrote he shoots them with a note. And for the life of me, I can't remember why I said that. I don't know what that even means. Net, I just, net, that's why I'm not getting it.

Yeah. Okay. He might as well fly in riding like a military satellite and lasso the man. It's like, what the fuck? A bazooka for a net in a basement. What are you doing? I'm going to teach the kids about close quarters combat with the most ordinance humanly possible. And this is where we have my favorite lines of banter in the entire movie. Bible man and shadow doubt they lock swords right towards the end. And he says, I'll

say sorry if you do. And Bible man says, tell it to the judge. And you can tell they just like had those two lines left over and they were like, like more combat or injustice and two characters meet that obviously don't belong in the same universe. So it's like, hi, I'm Batman. Hi, I'm the Z lord Gordnock. And they just don't have anything to say. That's this. It's just like, I'm sorry if you do. Tell it to the judge and you're just like, all right, well, I'm playing on hard now. Like when you think of the next line and you just go to the deep pack Chopra meme generator and you have right.

Come back something, right? Just make something. Oh my God. Somebody make me a Christian movie banter generator for this. Somebody went a little bit of skill and I don't think it would take much. Not much. Yeah. You might have to watch a couple episodes of this show, which would be tough. But also at the same time, well, we've got codes fighting the two minions who, by the way, apparently, you know, as we know, Bible man can take out in about one and a half seconds. So he's being a bit of a dick not jumping over there and taking care of business for his body.

But at this point, like he starts doing a net based bullfighting thing. It's so good. He still has the bazooka, right? Is that a single file? They only hold one net. No, like Jesus. I mean, that's what I think it through. Well, I know that there were sips,

there were different like settings. He turned it to the net's settings. So there's also a missile in there somewhere at the same time. It's behind the net if the net failed. There's a setting for just a flag that says bang, just the fucking people. All right, I better turn that one off. I'll do the net if the net failed. There's a setting for just a flag that says bang, just a fucking people. All right, I better turn that one off. He manages to run the bad guy through the net thing in sort of like an O.A. And then he just does a little Michael Jackson dance,

just like, yeah. Yeah. Now this was 98, by the way, we knew that he fucked kids at this point. I just want to point that out. That was not a mystery or anything. That's the actual rip off Michael Jackson's music. I was in an actual, I mean, I felt like they just lifted it. Was it actually? Well, they, I mean, they already ripped off Thriller dance wise, just pretty grossly. I don't think they ripped off the music, but this was definitely the move. Yeah, he definitely did the the moonwalk into the little Michael Jackson. The kick in the little. Yeah. Yeah. Um, they're going to run out of stuff to steal season five. It's just like Bible man hanging a baby out the window. This is weird. You could

have stopped stealing stuff. He's dead now. So and so now shadow disappears. Yeah, he pulls out his disappearing flask. So he disappears to fight another day. So I guess they've won now, which we get the, of the brilliant line here, when in doubt, wipe it out. What the fuck is that? I don't know. I feel like they thought that was a saying. I feel like that's a dog whistle for genocide, right? Just like, you know, if Armenia is giving you trouble. Oh, God. Allegedly. Yeah. By the way, my spell check wants it to say, when in doubt, whip it out, it does.

There's a weird, sexually aggressive moment from my spell check. I don't know what was happening there. You did let me use your computer. So I feel like you, you guys did not have the same same. Oh, no, I did. I did. Yeah. When I went through a fixed Eli Spelling as I am often want to do. And it said that on every single one of them, it's like, you sure you're not talking about a dick here. You guys are usually talking about Dicks. And because apparently we haven't suffered enough, there's two more scenes in this movie. Once again, we return to Bible lab where we're getting another of these urgent Bible alerts.

And the DEF CON won a alarm throughout the entire building is their ringtone. That's the phone call. That's just a normal phone call again. Well, that's the thing, because yeah, because codes goes every, I have vector lock on the transmission. He's like, I'm localizing it now.

I'm like, why don't you use phones? But that's all you're doing is talking to another human being in a different place. I feel like they yelled at the pastor at one point. He called on the normal phone and they're like, dude, use the satellite. Big thing we gave you. Jesus, what do we have that for? Put it in the fucking church. Expensive. I'm just disappointed there haven't been any more inappropriate pop culture references like Kagnia and Lacey. I'm stuck on it for some reason. Like when did somebody bring up a Lee Majors or Max Fonsey now? Something that kids would never know, right? I mean, that's going to be falling asleep

tonight at 4 a.m. Why Cagney and Lacey? Why though? This is going to bother me for a month. Right. No, I'm waiting for episode six where he gets into his like silent movie era references. You know, so okay, so this is of course this phone call is from Pastor Rex who wants to thank Bible man for for fixing everything. Apparently Kyle is fine because your parents Jesused a little more and so they stopped fighting. So again, the message of this movie is if you wish hard enough, your parents will stop fighting kids. You know, if your parents get divorced, you must not have prayed enough, right? You absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right? Yeah. Or you doubted too much. Yeah. If only I prayed

harder, if only I'd had more faith, if only I hadn't succumbed to doubt, maybe mommy and daddy would still be in love with each other, which is really the message of the entire film or the entire series. And it's tragic because you know there's a shit ton of kids that are probably feeling that very thing. They live in a real world circumstances with their folks or two and each other's eyeballs out. And now, not only do they have to be a spectator to this insanity, but they now have to bear the burden of feeling like it was their fault. Welcome to religion in the indoctrination of children. No, he had a God. I was so disgusting. The more it started to unveil, and again, of course, you were in this whole world for quite a while. I was never Christian enough to

be familiar with Bible, man. So as the like the the the the message of this story was slowly unveiled, I was like, oh my God, is this really where they're they're going to walk this back? It's so they're not going to walk this back. That's where they landed. Yep. Wow. Holy shit.

And then of course, we have to have one last call back to that hilarious, please joke. They milked that for time. It was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable. It was skin crawl. It was like watching a comedian bomb on stage. Yes. It just went on and on.

Right. Because at the very end, the last, the punchline of it is he's like, please and the computer's like still now. They're still black, man. Sorry. And the last, the punchline of it is he's like, please and the computer's like, still now. If you're still black, man, sorry. And as if we haven't been through enough, now it's time for some direct address with Bible man. Bible man basically just comes up,

turns his chair around backwards, you know, hey kids, let's wrap. Oh great, so good. He literally, the message is, look kids, sometimes it feels like God doesn't answer your prayers, but you're you're wrong That's it. Yeah, you shut up And remember and like like Jesus was gonna dojo storm the sat and challenge him to Brazilian Jews it's here He goes and remember Jesus is the only real superhero.

You know, me and John Edwards using the same caveats here. I don't want anyone to me and James van Prague, want you to know this is for entertainment purposes only. Only real superhero ludicrous just like slowly floats a coin through the guy's face. It walks off. So I thought, yeah. So yeah, that's the theme of the thing is like, you know how prayer never works yet? Well, yeah, right.

Right. Christianity also known as, yeah, the religion. Yeah, yeah. He's coming. And I got to say you have to stick around to see the best of this movie. I noticed this as I, as I'm like basically closing everything down. I still have the movies up playing. The credits were going through.

I shit you not in the credits. It says catering big Bubba's barbecue. So credit to you Seth Golden Correll. Yeah, it's the big Bubba. I will. I will. You picked a weird super power, Seth. Can I give you that feedback?

We want to keep this series going forever. So I'd like to close off tonight by helping out the writers over at Bible man HQ. I'm wondering if any of you guys have suggestions for other villains that we can pit Bible man against. Oh, I'm saying mixed fiber man is Mr. fiber mix, ill flick. Yeah, I like it. I like it. I'm jotting it down. Send it to Willie. How about wandering eye with his henchmen, you go pants. I have a suggestion for a future villain for Bible man, but I only want to do it in my movie trailer voice. So that'd be all right. Oh, my old man. So this would be my suggestion. All right, here we go. In a world gone mad, one villain has the power to drive God completely over the edge.

Get ready for Baron Fiddry, man. That's all I have. Ah! Sprout damage! You just did the story on the radio of Jesus and the Fiddry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He knows how many hairs around my head the only fucking thing he doesn't know is when Figs are in season The only thing Jesus does not know and that's why I wanted to bear in fig tree man is my

nominee for a new villain for Bible man. So you know I feel like because he's not making these shows anymore. I feel like we could get the rights for like 11 bucks. Like we all just put it in our like in our car ash trays right now. We could probably get the rights to Bible man and we could have so much like half a gram of coke. We got it. I don't know if that's more or less than 10 bucks. There you go. No, no, that's more. And no, Seth, I have to ask, where does this now rank in your list of worst podcasting

memories? Where does this rank in my list of, well, actually, I tried to disconnect about 25 minutes ago. I just, I think it's out. I think it's out. Then, pastor, they can't hang up. You can only kick them. That's what actually one of my favorite things to do ever is to ridicule and, and really tweak and poke fun at and have fun with a lot of the stuff that, you know, religion likes

to take so seriously. And the truth of it is, even though they were doing that wink, wink stuff at the camera, this is what they continue to be serious business. The targeting of young kids, I was one of those kids, I was, Bible man, but we had Bible related stuff. And it was just a constantly reinforced baseball bat over the head. I mean, I'm actually working on a speech, which sort of colors a little more deeply, just how intense the indoctrination was. But I mean, you know, everywhere you go, you're looking at Christian comic books, you watch Christian cartoons, you got Christian music, this Christian coloring books, this Christian clothing, this Christian, you got Christian friends. And so everywhere you go, this type of stuff exists because the church sort of props it up. Oh, you know, you don't need to go

out into the world. We have something for you that's Bible-, that's Jesus friendly. And that's why Bible man is a thing. That's why, and I know people who've shown this stuff to their kids because they're terrified of, you know, Batman and Superman and the Avengers and heaven forbid, they ever see Deadpool. Yeah, right. Spider-Man had a crush on a black girl in this latest one. So Deadpool might not be the worst one. Marvel's got. I enjoy the chance to get together with you guys and just sort of, you know, pull back the layers and show everybody the insanity

of just what religious institutions are capable of, especially when there's a buck involved, right? Right. And boy, did this show deserve it? Well, I got to say, it's been an absolute blast having you along for the ride. And of course, if our listeners would like to hear more from Seth, be sure to check out the thinking atheist podcast. You'll find that link on the show notes for this episode along with links to his YouTube channels and links to buy his books. Seth, thanks again so much for your time tonight. Big fine. Thank you guys for having me. And while that's going to do it for our review, a Bible man, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to make it super fucking clear that Eli was just

kidding about the show ending in episode 100. So Eli, please tell us what's on deck. There is another episode next week. I'm not on it. I'm leaving the show. No, no, no. I, he's a surprise, dude. Can we not?

Yeah. Oh, it's so, it's so funny. The way Eli sabotaged our career and brought our company down over a running joke. No, it's Eli will be here next week. I will. I'll spit forever. How did we think our careers were gonna end from he?

No, no, it's gonna be me. I wanted to be a mind-tower. I just don't want a tearful apology. Fuck you, comedy sale, the anchor, whatever. So, spinnaker, some people are anchored, whatever. Go ahead. The mark. We're watching the mark. All right. And this is, this is a two-parter. Oh, yeah, this is a two-parter. We at least get episode 102. Awesome. Awesome. I was not able to watch, I was not able to find a

preview for this one. So like, what are we looking at here? All right. So an underground mercenary marine guy gets injected with the mark of the beast and the antichrist and the good guys are trying to get him, but he's on a plane. It's a plane movie, plane movie, the mark. I'm so excited. I've had it with his mother fucking antichrist on this mother fucking It's a plane movie plane movie the mark. I've had it with you mother fucking antichrist on this mother fucking plane. Awesome.

So with that to look forward to we're going to bring episode 100 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Seth Andrews of the thinking atheist podcast and a perhaps even huge. Thanks to all the Patreon donors that have helped make the show go for a hundred episodes and if you'd like to get yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby earn an early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by living

as a five-star review on iTunes. And by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating aides, the scab to crack, and citation needed available on iTunes and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions,

you can email God awful movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatt, N. Gavivald, Drafts on Mars, and all the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark, both were used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neil, I'm Bosnick, I'm no illusions, promised into our work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Ludicrous invented a time machine, killed Judd Nelson and starred in the breakfast club.

Kyla went on to be a champion pole dancer. Married Tom. HOTES! Stabbed the computer to death, but ended up being acquitted anyway. Yeah, very important. I tell you right off the bat. Eli doesn't really mean it. Seth, I just, you know, just as a general rule, he does, where you're going to pretend sometimes like he doesn't. He does, but for far more disturbing reasons, all right. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2017, all rights reserved.