God Awful Movies - 103: GAM103 Creed of Gold

Episode Date: August 8, 2017

On this week's show, Eli and Noah team up for an atheist review of "Creed of Gold", the story of a plucky group of college freshman who take down the fed with antisemitic conspiracy theories and FOIA requests. --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

This week's episode of God Offal Movies is sponsored by Love. But not just any love, the best love. Mike's love. Mike's love specifically for Amelia. And Amelia, Mike would like to know, will you marry him? I hope she said yes, otherwise. So weird sponsorship. I hope she said yes. Say yes. That awful movie! Not awful. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian

Cinema because if there is punishment in the afterlife, we're going to need a head start. I'm your host, Noah Luzon's and sitting to my immediate left is the chair where Heath usually sits. He's not here. It has nothing to do with how much editing I had to do on last week's show when I got back from vacation. He's just on vacation the following week. That's don't read anything into it. I didn't excrete me. I was slamming me and Loki. The cat were down on the basement just hiding. No, but I was horrible, but I will say like by the time I got home on Monday, he'd already left. So I, you knew I was going

to hear it anyway. Of course, as you already heard, sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. how you doing this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. Hey, you know who's a visionary ahead of his time? Who's that? Mel Gibson. What the heck? I have some really great ideas about movies.

Oh my God. And yes, that of course would be related to the answer to this question, which is Eli, what will we be breaking down today? Well, we watched Creed of Gold. It's the story of three plucky teens quest to expose that the Federal Reserve is actually a private bank founded on stolen gold by Bolshevik Jews. Yes.

It's a real adventure. That's a scooby gang feel to it too, throughout. Absolutely. There is no question that this is like, jinkies, the Jews. Yeah, six. Junkies. Yeah.

It's like meeting a girlfriend's dad and you're talking for a little while and then he starts saying the word them a lot and you're like, oh, I gotta get out of this place. Yeah, it was a super uncomfortable movie and I felt like I will get to it anyway. I got to stick to the formula. So tell us Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love national treasure and you have multiple frog avatar Twitter profiles, you will love this movie. Dave Rubin should give this movie a softball interview and then defend it on Twitter.

That's why this movie is very uncomfortable. It's like sitting on a, it's the movie version of sitting on a bus next to two guys talking about how no Jews died in 9 11. That's the, it's just a movie version of, I do I interrupt? They both seem, I don't, it's fine. Well, so there's a, there's a much more direct analogy for me because I used to be into a bunch of conspiracy theory bullshit, right? And back then when there was no internet or when internet was hard to come by and you were into that kind of shit, you had to like order books or you'd find books at your local wacko fucking bookstore. And occasionally you would read these books that are just like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, there's a secret cabal

run in the whole world. And you get three quarters of the way through it. And you're like, oh, and it's the Jews. What the fuck? I've been reading Nazi propaganda for the last two weeks and I haven't realized it. Oh my God. You know, so if there's definitely a feeling like that, like you can almost, because they never say the word Jew in this movie, right? They never say it was the Jews. Yeah. Of course, all the bad guys have very Jewish name. They were too. And you're right because like I was a 9-11 truth or I've talked about that. And when I was, my like, oh, this book or this web page is obviously not true is when they would start talking

about you. So I'd be like, yeah, how did tower seven fall down if it's not made out of towers? But if it was a Jew, I'd be like, okay, I've obviously come across the wrong source of information for how the government died 9-11. Let me move to something more reputable like zeitgeist and patrons. This is just going to end up being for you.

I have a feeling. But if you want to know how I ended up cured of 9-11, truth or is I had had a big argument in the break room where Noah and I worked with someone about whether or not 9-11, truth or is I'm, I had had a big argument in the break room where Noah and I worked with someone about whether or not 9-11 was an inside job. And everyone was like, you should talk to the, whatever his name was at the time about it. And I was like, oh, Noah's gonna verify. He's a skeptic like me.

And I went up where he was just trying to do his job. And I was like, I mean, you've seen zeitgeist, right? And Noah gave me, I got a personal diet tribe for 25 minutes about that movie. And it truly started me of like, okay, well, he seemed to have Googled that in ways that I haven't. Oh, oopsie, pupsie. Yeah. And we've been friends ever since. And it was so funny is that like Elish reaction was, yeah, no, that's what I was saying to just now, that was those wackos down there. Don't talk to Al. We busy. All right. So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Um, oh wait, you know, before you do, can I, can I, can I throw one out for Heath? Oh, absolutely. Okay, best worst movie to not have Heath for. Right? I mean, this whole movie flirts with his favorite conspiracy theory. The only time I have ever in my entire, like I've known, he's in October, I've known him for 10 years. The only time I've ever seen him truly pissed is when he was trying to explain to a friend

of his that the fed is not a punsy scheme and failing miserably. I talked to him while he was on vacation on a literal beach and I was like, yeah, I know it's creative goals, but the fed and he was like, yeah, it's weird. You chose that one while I was gone. I'm glad I got to be around for the mark. And I got to see the mark. Oh, that was the one thing that kept me after editing out all of the ranking of the races and everything.

The only thing that kept me going was listening to how miserable you guys were over this movie that I didn't have to watch. It was quite nice. Indeed. Can I give it best worst surprised reaction to a murder uh i don't want to spoil anything here but i have overreacted to whoopi cushions with more fear and surprise and upset then a main character of this movie will do a homicide. Yes. Oh, Jesus, okay.

I have one that I've got to throw out. And this is a stiff competition, best worst, but I think this might have the best worst last second efforts to make this a Christian movie. Absolutely yes. There are like three just incredibly shoehorned in scenes that are just like, no like no, no Bible Jesus God anyway moving on.

Yeah, I mean, the only way this could have been more obvious is if they had just ADR in someone going Jesus like every three minutes of the good christ. They practically did all right. Well now that we know the truth about them Jews in their fake fat, I suppose it's only a matter of time before the hitmen show up for us. So we're going to have to keep the break brief and when we come back, we're going to record? Uh, yeah, I guess so. What's the matter? Well, I was looking at your notes and you know how this week's movie is super crazy and like nutty about how the Jews run the fed with secret gold they stole during World War I. Yeah, man, it's gonna be hilarious. Why are you so um...

Yeah, it's just... All of that is true. What? Yeah, it's kind of a family business thing. And you know, my mom listens to the show. So I thought I'd just, you know, get that out there. She, wait, no, I'm, I'll hold it back up. It's real. Like the gold and the fed. Yeah, yeah, three trains. I actually know a brevic. We went to JCC camp together weird guy blinks sideways Okay, well, well we should probably just Leave this out just do the show. Yeah, yeah, just thought I'd clear the air before we did the episode You know, I don't want it to get weird

So so wait then missiles shaped like planes. No, it's shit. Yeah shit. Yeah, you just paint them Hey folks Some of you may know last week he and I did a hilarious bit where we begged you for your money and much to the horror of Noah You guys delivered yeah money and much to the horror of Noah, you guys delivered. Yeah. Yeah. Despite years of trying to keep our asks for you to sign up to patreon.com slash God awful classy and subtle. You all decided to throw it out the window when as of this recording, 28 people became patrons and less than a week. That's right. Begging. And since that obviously worked, we thought we'd see if we can keep this street going. So first of all, Noah, I believe you owe the audience a little.

Yeah. Pretty, pretty pleased with sugar on top. Support the show at patreon.com slash God awful. I think I'm going to get going to get like 80 more people now, but that's not all. Oh God. No, I thought that was. Yeah. We thought we'd try some other techniques that Noah has denied us as well.

Eli. Yeah. Like bribery. Like what? Mm hmm. Which is why I'm proud to announce, if you become a patron, we will like you better, demonstrably better. Well, that's just, or maybe threats.

40 more patrons by next week, or all poison heath. Think I won't eat anything literally anything. Okay, that's true. Yes, but but but it's not a good seduction. No, no Eli. patreon.com slash God off. I leave you guys alone for one fucking week. And we're back for the breakdown and the first thing we're going to learn about this movie is that the dove foundation is on board as fuck. They are into this. Yeah, exactly.

All right, so we're going to open this movie up on an old woman telling us with a thick communist accent telling us a story about Russia in 1917. He he she's telling us the tale. Oh yeah. When people created freedom for a government promise. Except that was so much better than she was able to do with the accent. Oh my gosh, it's so fucking bad. So yeah, so we see like a revolution in the

streets in Russia. And also at the same time, Inspector Gadget is there and he's like secretly addressing an envelope or something. Yeah, he's like writing a note to himself. And as he's writing that note, a bad guy shows up and he gets shot at with the faked looking gun possible. Well, so far in the movie anyway. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And of course, during this, the old lady still doing her voiceover and she's talking about how the Bolsheviks got really popular because they suddenly had a lot of money.

But where did they get their money? Spoilerates the Jews. It is the Jews. And apparently Inspector Gadget is the one reporter who knew where their money came from. Yes, only one reporter knew. So now we get the opening title shot or whatever and we see a big train full of gold, which apparently Inspector Gad gadget is on. Mm hmm.

And this is where I realized what conspiracy theory movie was because like, look, there's a lot of crazy anti fed stuff. Yeah, right. But like, train full of gold is deep. You know, there's a difference between 9 11 was a government inside job and 9 11 was the aliens using a controlled explosion from the inside. You have said it. If you think professor X did 9 11, you are in a different category than if you just think like those buildings shouldn't fall it down. Well, you're in the same category. You're just way further in that category. Exactly. Yeah,

right. So yeah. So Inspector Gadget is running from the bad guys jumps off the train, winds up in a library somehow. Yeah. Uh, where he hides this secret paper in a book right before he gets shot. Right. And it was like a train station slash library. Oh, the fuck knows. Yeah, the closest thing they could find to Russia in Detroit. But 75 years later, apparently, after you got shot, your father, this movie has not told us yet who this narrator is addressing. So up until now, I'm pretty sure it's my dad found that hidden letter in that library book that no one had checked out for 75 years apparently. It was actually, it was a copy of Twilight. That's why it's, that's no one I think. No, but perfect sense. Yeah. Well, I'm glad he got to it quick before my wife. So yeah. So,

he found out apparently the main character who is is learning all of this from the narration found out that the Bolshevik money came from and I quote secret group, but secret group. Yes, secret group rhymes with you. And then they are so not subtle. No, they're really not. It gets so much worse because right now people are like, oh, you're just reading a lot into this. And if you don't know the train of gold conspiracy theories, it'll sound like that. But by the end, it'll be a way more when we meet Mr. Steinberg in steam, outskie, it'll

be a lot more clear. Yeah. So apparently this character's dad found out that the Jews secretly funded the Bolshevik Revolution and then they killed him one night. And that's how the dead leaves. And apparently mom has decided to tell this backstory to her son while they're waiting on the train that's going to take him to college. Just she's like, oh, I meant to tell you, your father was murdered by the illuminati, which is run by Jews, finding out about the Bolshevik funding of the 1917 revolution. Um, also get some, some of those a shower singers. If you have a community, what it's really gross.

Well, and also like, you got to feel like the kids asked before, right? So was this a whole thing like, why did my dad die? I'll tell you when you leave for college son, you just got to wait. Yeah. Um, so yeah, but she gives him the letter that his dad found, the letter from the Inspector Gadget guy in 1917 and warns him that he has to be careful because they've been the family's been in hiding from the secret illuminati Jews the entire time. That's why they had to change their name and move away from Russia.

Yeah. So all right, with all of that backstory out of the way, we're going to cut to New York city where there are people. Should I say, New York city? You probably should, yes. And we've got people in a boardroom who are trying to figure out how to take all the poor people's money

out of the world. I guess this is the, the illuminati here. Yeah, the board of the Fed, the secret directors, something that this government is offset by the news being like, hmm, we sure do wonder why no one has money when there is plenty of strong grain in Africa.

Right. Why wouldn't they have money when there's plenty of water and grain? Everyone weird. Yeah. And we're going to meet two characters that are important. We're not going to learn their names until much later, but we're going to give them characters that are important. We're not going to learn their names until much later, but we're going to give them to you right away. We meet Mr. Warnwall, who I had originally as Mr. Pateo had plantation owner addition. And also Mr. Steinberg, a Vitch Isky, who I originally had as somebody cause playing Stephen develop poorly. Yeah.

And you good at feeling that that actor's first cracky was like, let me tell you, where are we all? No, I like where you're going, but no. No. Little, they told us to dial it back a little. Yeah. And they're arguing, right? Because a worm wall wants to destroy the world's economy.

And Steinberg's like, Hey, man, last time we did that, it caused World War II. We caused World War II. Mr. Steinberg said, yes. And yeah, Steinberg's going like, we don't want to be too greedy. We want to be greedy now, but not too greedy. And just then a secretary comes in with this important note for Mr. Warren Wall, which he turns up and he goes like gentlemen, I've just been informed that someone is investigating our tax records. All right. So now it's time to go back to our main character. Our main characters name, by the way, we're going to learn in this scene is Adam Smith.

Adam Smith, ladies and gentlemen. That's how subtle this movie is gonna be. Yeah, so we're at university where the professor, apparently he's taking a sequiously full-laying the Federal Reserve 103 or something. Yeah, the professor literally just gives like seven solid minutes of fed propaganda which a doesn't make any sense because that's not how history is taught because it would be like him just being like

hi I'm your professor the post office is the miracle God delivered to man. Well, okay, but here's my theory is that the person who wrote this movie No, Sermons does not know college classes, which is why this lecture is so surmanesque. It's silly Right, you know, he's like the federal reserve is our savior and came down and died on the cross. Fuck what would hit die on shit? Gold train. Gold train. I'm not so no, I'm not that on the fuck. Yeah. It's fucking amazing.

And we see Adam watching him say this and he's like, you fool. I'm a college sophomore. If only you knew the kind of shit I'd Googled. Yeah. I was really hoping for a God's not dead setting here. Just like, I'm sorry, professor, but that's actually lizard gold. Debate me by the end of the submit. No, that doesn't. That's what happens. It would have been way better. Yeah. And also we, okay. So he talks about how big the Federal Reserve's dick is for a little

while. And then he says, oh, and by the way, everyone will be partnered with a hot blonde for your term paper. You'll share a grade apparently. It's weird to randomly assign a term paper partner. I had a professor that did that. It was a three person term paper and it was just randomly assigned and it was like, your whole fucking grade for the class.

I was just like, yeah, right, right. It's like, oh, if you want to, you got to drag these two dumb asses with you. Oh, yeah. Okay. So this is also where we're going to meet the love interest, heerston, I guess. And this is, look at how badly scripted this movie is. This is the opening interaction with them. Adam Smith depends on who's asking.

You just heard you're going to have partner. That's not just a thing people say at the beginning of movies, Adam. Yeah. And again, just plotting forward with the stupidity of this script, this is how we have to learn that she's just in it for the grades and doesn't care about learning or whatever She wants them to just buy a term paper from a professional will write your term paper service Nothing wrong with that So yeah, I don't want to hear any judgment Show

You know what man? There's moral absolutes. It's not a popular opinion contest. Let's jump ahead in the movie and have the shoehorned in God discussion. All right. That's just for the people who watch along. All right. Yeah. And so he's, Adam is not super comfortable with this idea of buying the term paper. Also, he can't afford it. So she has to have her like Eli as a joke, but non-ironic looking down her nose at the poor person thing. She does, she's like, look,

we'll just call this a business advantage. Yeah, because we looked up business terminology on the Google and that was the first thing that didn't start with an A. And we thought if we used the A thing, then people would know we were just doing it alphabetically. And this is where this set. Okay, so there's a second banana named Cody, right? Yes. Cody, the coder, by the way, in case you're wondering, Jesus, he's a coder in this movie. Yeah.

Cody's a coder. So Cody, the coder, who we have not been introduced to. We have not even seen him as a character. As far as we know, he's just a guy sitting makes the atom gets crazy close to Adam's face after she said this and goes, I don't like her. Yeah. Oh my god. Okay. So yeah, now now Yeah, oh my God. Okay, so yeah, now now we have to meet Janelle. There, there's not a really a reason why we ever have to meet Janelle. It's, she is the most spectacularly useless character we have ever met in a film. Janelle could do and say anything in this movie and none of it would matter. No, she could be on a journey to learn how to juggle.

She could, you know, be an oil painter. She could be a guy dressed as a dragon, literally nothing she says or does in this movie affects the rest of this movie. No. So, yeah. So, she is apparently Kirsten's roommate. So she comes in, she's like, Janelle, I'm back. And we have to, again, to reinforce

what a bitch Kirsten is, we have to see that she got a package from grandma. And Kirsten's just like, some kind of weird grandma shitting throws it away. You know, she just shoves it in the drawer. Yeah. This is my last willing testament. It's about how the Jews put all the go. Oh, fuck you, fuck you, Kirsten. All right. So and also, okay. So Kirsten and Janelle start talking backstory as you so often do with your friends. Literally Janelle opens by going, Kirsten, you know the exposition to my character. But we know that Janelle is dating a guy named Trevor who has a trust fund that pays out a quarter of a million dollars a year.

And my notes say, uh, lock it down, girl. Yeah. Right. And that holds in that condom. Yeah. We're gonna trap. So we get done with Janelle and Kirsten. And now we have to cut to Adam and Cody in their dorm

room, having a completely useless scene. Right. Although we do have one great moment where he goes, look, man, the federal reserve is a private bank. It's no more federal than the federal express. And if you didn't ever dive into conspiracy theories, I can't emphasize enough how much that's a wink to like the conspiracy theorists in the audience. It's phenomenal. Yeah. He's like, Oh, I already talked to the professor and I'm going to write a paper about how hot jet fuel burns.

Yeah. Exactly. So all right. So now we cut to the quad where Adam's roommate can now talk about Kirsten's Exposition with Cody. Oh God It's literally like the two characters got put together and they're like so We're the side characters. We don't

We don't really have fleshed out Motivations you want to talk about the main characters and. Yeah. So yes, please thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Sure. No, we're dad works on the board at the Federal Reserve.

Yeah. All right. All right. Adam had a kid brother or something. I don't know. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah.

No, that's the next scene actually. So we move from this scene where one character says to another character, yeah, Kiersten's dad is on the board of governors for the federal reserve. Then we cut to another scene where Kiersten and a genelle are playing tennis and genelle is like, hey, you know, in the last scene after it cut away, it turned out that Adam turned down a scholarship to be a super rich lawyer to help his brother who's having trouble in school. What a loser. A loser. And that is a note, by the way, every scene in the first half of this movie should

end with all characters going, and I just have to say this, there is a fantastic moment. I know not everyone watches along. This one's on pure flex. You can probably find another places to, but this character was obviously instructed to serve a tennis ball at some point during this scene. And you see the actor being like, I throw it in the air and then I fucking hit it like T ball right? She's like, so she's just awkwardly standing there with a tennis ball in her hand and the racket like held up like the statue of liberty for the entire. He's amazing. Well, I love to because at first they have this very sloppy everybody referring to it as

a game metaphor. And when I say it, I mean, just whatever they're talking to talking about it at the time. So she's like, yeah, Adam seems like a smart guy. He just doesn't know how to play the game. And then she delivers this Eli level tennis serve that is like, yeah, you don't also don't know how to play the game. I don't know if you meant for it to be like that. The camera cuts, but there's no question. The ball spikes into the ground directly in front of me. Exactly. All right. So now we get this amazing fucking scene.

Okay. So what's going on here, Adam is talking to Kirsten about this term paper about the Federal of Reserve, which he is uncovering conspiracy theory information about at the same time, the bad guys are watching him through hidden cameras in the library. They have gone ahead of him. Apparently, there's just a guy who walks ahead of him dropping little cameras just in case he goes by there too. Multiple angles, by the way, like not just one camera, the multiple like they're getting

wide shots. I wanted a guy in the background as they're talking to go buy in one of those runner dollars. Don't mind me just looking for books. There's a guy in the fucking basement going, all right, ready, three go to three. All right, let's cut this in a little tighter, a little tighter ready for. Yeah. With the Oscarsars they get a shot of him he gives like one of those nice waves He's all Half eaten bag of skittles in his hand Why am I never ready for this part of the I'm the one cutting to this camera goddamn it

Yeah, all right, so also I just have to point this out they need and she says at one point look We need an a in money and banking And she says at one point, look, we need an A in money and banking. That's the name of the academic field in which they discussed the federal reserve. Yeah. That fun fact. Ken Ham was going to get his doctorate in money and banking, but he had a science instead science. Yeah.

Exactly. So, all right. And also we learn here that he has submitted a FOIA request to get to the bottom of the Fed because FOIA requests are where all the best investigation happens. Again, huge nod to the conspiracy theory websites there as well. Oh, God. Yeah. If I, if someone had a nickel for every time a crazy guy who went down two deep a hole on info wars showed up at his local bank and was like, I want all the records. I want to know how much money you have in your accounts, sir.

Sir your dick is all the way out. Well, and see that's so obviously what this is, right? Because we've got a guy in a library doing dumb person research and thinking about all of the evil Illuminati cameras that must be looking at him at that very moment. That's this movie right? Right. Absolutely. What these guys think is happening when they're filing their foyer requests. Anyway, so he's like, yeah, you have to do a bunch of work.

Look up this list of rich people. Also read this 900 page book about the Bolshevik Revolution. And now it was at this point that I really had to do a deep dive into which particular conspiracy theory they were promoting. So I googled who finance the Bolshevik Revolution. And it's just like Info Wars world. Not daily Alex Jones is just standing in the background of your Google page going, we got one. Oh my God. It by the way, it was the juice was the it was us. It was a hundred percent us. And the reasons why get fun. Right. We should point out we're going to get like this full conspiracy theory at one point, but we should point out that like the gold on that train, according to a vast amount of people who believe in this story, who believe in this conspiracy theory,

is from the center of the earth where reptilians live. Yep. Right? So it's not, it's not like they were just like, and it has to make some gold lying around. You dig into this and you do get to aliens that live in the core of the earth. Which by the way is not full of love. It's full of lizards. They just handed up some golden.

They were like, Hey, man, let's, let's fuck up Russia a little. Yes. Yes. One other moment from this scene, I have to point out. He's like, all right, you chunned down the people on this list and I'll keep being a crazy person in the library. And she's like, I think I'll do better knowing who's on this list than you. And his reaction is, you think you're better than me?

Yeah. And it's, it's such a weird off putting moment. You can see the actress be like, oh, I don't think that's the reading. I think it's like fun, not super accusable. Okay. Next scene. Yeah, we don'table. Okay, next scene. Yeah, we don't do second takes. All right.

Okay, this is the weirdest fucking scene in the entire movie, or like at least not the weirdest, but the one that makes the least sense to be in this movie. Really, there's a lot of movies where this scene would make perfect sense. Just not this one. We have a character who he've never met. He's on the phone saying, I found the corruption and then a bad guy comes down and kills him. Would we say bad guy or would we say bad boy? This is a 13 year old.

Yeah, it's a 13 year old. Also his gun makes a 13 year old's gun sounds. He's also got a Britney Mike. He's got like a some mouth. What the fuck is going on here? But yeah, like literally in this scene, we meet a character, this character gets killed. We will never refer to this again. No. All we have to learn, I guess what we're learning here is these guys will kill you if you find out. Yep, that's all I who the fuck knows. Anyway, so but see this fits into a theory. I have that the production company that they hired was just like milking them for every

dog like they had a big inheritance. The guys who wrote and directed this movie or whatever and they're like, you know, yeah, no, you're going to need a whole nother scene for that. I feel like we're going to need to do an exterior one. They're going to need to do two exterior shots for that case? I'm going to make us rich. Yeah. And that comes up by the way over and over again in this movie. I'm actually kind of serious about that. We'll get there. Oh, it's being wish no fuck. It comes up at the very next scene, right? This because this is the diner scene with the the scullin bones initiate who doesn't really want to

get in meeting with stuffy financier from the 1970s live action Disney film in some fucking outdoor cafe for a scene that will never mean anything. It's so good. Yeah, I have to point it out because eventually this character Byron is the scullin bones guy. We'll come back into the movie just sort of just surprise. I'm pirate. I have a backstory.

We didn't really get to apparently, but we have to like introduce the fact that he is in this incredibly useless eight second scene right now. Yep. And speaking of useless characters, now we have to go back to Kirsten and Janelle, right? And with their on ironic punch lines from Eli Snob character conversation. And that's literally all they do in the scene is she's like, Janelle, what are you doing? You can't go to the lake house with Trevor. And she's like, no, you know, I'm just playing the game.

You're playing the game. I'm playing the game except there's and that's the whole scene except there's one amazing scene where Kirsten goes He left you stranded the other night and she's like yeah, but he apologizes and I'm like oh wait I'm sorry I have questions back up Stranger he was just like hey would you check the tail light is it out? Fuck I'm on i95 It's a very weird piece of color to put in the movie.

Yeah, with not yeah, exactly as much as this movie loves backstory a lot of time, it doesn't give it to you when you need it. Also the ending of this scene is so insane. So they have this whole conversation, which is clearly like basically Kirsten saying, no, you shouldn't fuck Trevor. He's just using you for your vagina. She's like, it's okay. I'm using him for his lake house with the fuck. Yeah, they have a little mojaha at the end of it. But then we cut to Janelle late that

night sleeping fully dressed apparently. She gets a text and sits up and that scene is over. Yep. They were that was that was from Trevor. See, and now she's going to get in the car with Trevor. Yes, right. Exactly. Okay. So yeah, then they go driving fast in the city, and we have this honestly, this needs

to be on Christian movie, Bingo card 2.0, they have the, we couldn't afford to wreck a car wreck. Oh, absolutely. Yes. We couldn't afford to wreck a car wreck. Oh, absolutely yes. It's literally just bright lights and then someone throws saran wrap at the window like this. You have no idea what happened. And then that character is fucking dead.

Chanel, we will never see her again. She'll have a funeral two scenes from now, but then we will never refer to her. Everyone will be over her death immediately and she will never have mattered. Yeah, it's the only thing that, and now Adam comes in and they have like a, it's her fault for being dead conversation. Well, it's her fault for like, you know, like letting that man use her for casual sex instead of waiting for him to put a ring on it, I guess.

She keeps talking about how it turns out Trevor wasn't even rich. Like her friend is dead and she keeps going to like, and he wasn't even rich. And he's like, yeah, no, it's sad your friend is no longer alive. And like, had no money. No, you can smell the poor. I should have known it. Yeah. Oh my God. So, yeah. So Adam, at least kind of tries to explain to her that it's not her fault. And in this movie's classic fashion of splitting the same conversation into three different shots so that the production company

could make more money, This conversation suddenly continues. We are at a church, right? They're getting ready for Janelle's funeral and Adam and Kirsten are sitting on the steps here, continuing the conversation. They were just having in the last scene. Yep. And I have to, this is so amazing. There's a moment in this scene where the, of course, the illuminati are keeping a close

eye on these guys what with the foyer Request and whatnot. So there's a scene where a dude peaks out from behind a tree and takes it It's it's total comedy. He is behind a twig and he's like With one of those he's got one of those 1920s camera. That He's got one of those 1920s camera that was a full light bulb. Yeah, exactly. And then sneaks back behind this twig. It is hilarious. And this is where he says like, yeah, I was lost once too.

And I was like, oh, please find Jesus. I would, I would like this to be a Christian movie. He does. Don't worry. He does my fucking. And there is no possible way to explain how unsuddle and stupid this film is except for us to let you experience for yourself. So keeping in mind that these two characters were sitting on a church step waiting for

a funeral to start. Let's give Adam's bad boy backstory coming to Jesus moment a quick lesson, shall we? I was I was lost once too, Kirsten. I had no dad, I had no purpose growing up, and my life seemed hopeless. In the inner city where I grew up, if you didn't join the gangs, you, you most likely died by them. But once you joined, there was a life of despair and loneliness and hopelessness. Where did you find answers? And the camera pans up to the cross at the top of the door as this is happening.

Yeah, and it's not a big cross either. This is very much not a big church. So it's just like a, and there it is. It's so fucking bad. Oh, I love it. Also, I love it. Also, this kid, okay, we have to point out how incredible you can tell from the voice, but how incredibly white and not gang

this kid is. Absolutely. I really was hoping this kid would be like, na mean, I remember the night they did a drive by on Squiggy. Squiggy. How I loved you. Oh, Jesus. Nope. Nope. Cut the movie. And now we're having dinner with Kirsten's parents. Apparently he's there with Kirsten's parents in her. Are they dating now? Who the fuck knows?

Okay. Okay. So this is a fancy house. And as a way to show it, a fancy house. Yes. He has three salad forks. Because the idiots who made this movie think that fancy dinner just means having multiple forks. Yes. It is, by the way, fish fork dinner fork salad fork with the oyster fork on the far

right depending on if you're eating English, but the point is they're wrong. It's not it's not multiple forks. It is different kinds of forks for different dishes. I don't want to get it. So and also this is supposed to be a funny scene because we've learned that that Kyrsten's parents are dead anyway works for the for the federal reserve. He's on the board of governors. Now it's worth pointing out that that Adam Smith's character is obsessed with this. His roommate and best

friend Cody knows he's obsessed with this and his roommate and best friend Cody knows that her dad is on the board of governors of the federal reserve, right? Because that's how we learned when he learned apparently, Adam does not have this information and he's talking about what a bunch of crooks the fed are and he's talking to one of the guys who's on the board of governors. Tee he, but it's it's supposed to be like a meet the parents level awkward. Yeah, but it's not because he's like, oh, I mean, they're all a bunch of blood drinkers. Have you read the right?

Have you read this? Have you read the blood? It's really important. He's like, huh, I'd sure like to see that. Boy, yeah. Well, yeah, and that's the thing is it's supposed to be this whole like, you know, awkward. Oh, you shouldn't say that around dad, but this is like, you shouldn't say that around anybody, right?

It's just, he's just nakedly discussing anti-Semitic conspiracy theories at the table. In Long Island. It's phenomenal. So we cut to Kerson and she's like, powdy stuffing out into the pool. Yeah. I can't believe you embarrassed me by calling my dad a secret ju-lizer.

Hahaha. Also, when they go out to the pool, picture snappy guy is still in her backyard behind a tree. He is smaller trees. He's seen. If you're wondering, hey, at some point, will the people following them just be fucking standing there? Yes. Yes.

No, we're behind this fig leaf. Um, yeah. So yeah, there is apparently a, a gentleman in a black suit with a giant camera just hiding in this backyard and just moving around the tree as people walk by until he gets, yeah, whatever. Okay. So in, and, and she pushes them in the pool because they ran out of the pool. Goddamn it, someone was getting in it. And then we go back to the bad guy boardroom. Now, the bad guys are super worried because the kid who is investigating their taxes is now at the home of Dr. Stanford of the Fed. And this guy, Wormwood, is so wormhole, whatever's name is so worried that this college student

is going to bring him down. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. No, that again, this is the conspiracy theory of a wet dream. Yeah, exactly. They know I'm onto them. Exactly.

One man in his blog is going to bring the grubling to the ground. Exactly. And now we're back in the library so that we can talk about the central conflict about whether or not morals are absolute in a world without God. Now you might be thinking to yourself, boy does that sound unrelated to everything that's happening. You would be correct. You would be correct. And I would have an easier time following this conversation if there weren't a spy wearing sunglasses indoors indoors in this

library. Just stand next to him staring at him. No tree. Nothing blocking him. Just a full grown man wearing sunglasses looking occasionally peeking around the corner of the shelves like a fucking cartoon. Right. Like if he was dressed as a bush, this would be no more cartoony. Right. We need a durn. Durn.

Durn. Durn. Durn. Durn. For the movie, it is hilarious. I would love to redo the soundtrack for this movie, but I honestly couldn't have made it any any more cheesy and overblown than the guy who actually did it, right? Because this is where like Adam has this whole big no, because when God

makes the rules, there can be true justice speech. And the music is just impossibly. Anyway, yeah, and of course this leads to Kirsten's amazing parting line of, but how can you believe in God and be successful? At the Jolos team going no fucking globe, bro. I'm alright. I don't know. Yeah, sure. You're gonna eat those teeth? Yeah, sure. You're going to eat those teeth. All right. So they leave the library. And this is where Adam realizes that he's being followed.

He's like, you know, I notice a lot of guys in blues, brothers, suits peeking around corners at me. I think maybe something's up. My experiences from the ghetto, let me know. I've got to see what he says. I've got to see what he says. I've got to see what he says. I've got to see what he says. I've got to see what he says. Yeah. That's actually what it's. fighter sense for other white guys. Apparently. Also, I have to point this out. Okay. This is so unrelated to the movie because he's going to need his roommate, Cody, the, the coater, the geeky guy to help him out here. So we have to cut over real quick to him and

his geeky friend doing smart geeky stuff. And I just have to take a second to explain what they're doing. This is my favorite, like impossibly stupid indicator of what dumb people think smart people do moment in any film or TV show ever. So it's two nerds. One of them is reading an algebraic equation to the other. Okay. So far so good. So far so good. Yeah. The other is soldering shit onto a motherboard based on this equation, right? Like so he'll say, okay, so plus X squared and the guy will go, okay, and it'll solder a specific point on the, that's what smart people do. He's soldering the math into the matter. I know.

How it knows how to do those very little things that make sense to me. How well is with the math get into the computer now? I don't know. Oh, my, I love that so fucking much. Anyway, like I said, completely unrelated, but that was so amazing. And I feel I already feel bad enough for heath. I have to mention that. Right. And then the main characters come and he's like, Hey, Cody, I need you to go distract this spy who might be a murderer. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't mind, just run some interference for me.

And also this is how unclever house profoundly unclever the writers of this are. They need their characters to get away from the bad guys using some clever trick. And the clever trick is he calls his buddy, Cody is this, Hey, can writers of this are they need their characters to get away from the bad guys using some clever trick. And the clever trick is he calls us buddy, Cody, and says, Hey, can you ask this guy for directions or something? Yeah, he's just like, I do know where to get a party store. And the guy's like, what? And he's like, all right, this seems over. Yes. That's it. Yeah. Exactly. All right. So now the bad guys are drinking and colluding and stuff and realizing that somehow Adam Smith knows the names of all the people in their group. Moha. Again, every scene between these characters is just goddamn, this man is good. He thinks we are bad. Yeah, he knows it was really the

Jews. Okay, so now we've got Kirsten and Adam chilling at his dorm still researching the, the, the, the Fad, you know, getting on fucking info wars or whatever. When the roommate comes up and he says, Hey, there's a black bad guy SUV out front been there all day. Weird. Black SUV out the been there all day weird. Yeah. Black SUV out the window with secret conspiracy written on the side. Is that something worry about or is that no? I mean, the bad guys in this movie would be invulnerable if they didn't just dress up like bad guys and drive bad guy cars, right? They're having a costuming meeting. Hey, I've been meaning to say this. What about like shorts and a t-shirt?

Make us a little more. costuming meeting. Hey, I've been meaning to say this. What about like shorts and a t-shirt? Make us a little more. I mean, then I would be a guy who should be out taking pictures in a rich person's backyard. Never mind. You know what? Never mind. I guess it doesn't fucking matter. Anyway, so also, by the way, the bad guys are like talking to the boss or whether from the S from the SUV. And basically the boss is saying, yeah, we're probably going to have to murder the shit out of these guys. But not now, like maybe act three-ish. I'll tell you what, when are you guys killing Seth Rich? Okay. Eighth, so don't go straight home because I might want to have you kill this guy after you murder Seth Rich and that FBI agent who killed himself. Oh God. Yeah. So.

Okay. So now apparently Adams left the room. Cody and Christian are there and Christian is having that like, no, Adams off screen. I have to talk about him now. That's my only purpose in this film moment. Yeah. Well, it's nice to see they're passing the Bechtel test, assuming Cody's a woman. Yeah.

Yeah. No, they're not even trying. And also she's like, Cody, can you please discuss Adam's backstory and detail? And he's like, oh, I can't. Otherwise, there would be no suspense about it. Bye. So funny. He goes, oh, yeah, I could tell you about oops, got to go.

And she's like, I'm sorry. Is that comedy? I don't. Why wouldn't you tell me? Yeah, he goes, he's a man of strong passion. And then he walks out of the room. She's like, wait, does that mean he's gay? Hold on. Hold on. Be clear. What is that? Oh, but it's what she decides to do now that she's got the room to herself is through all his shit because she has a vagina. And this

is where she comes across his grail diary. Yeah. Takes a few pictures of it. Mm-hmm. That's going to come back just so you know, in an amazing and technologically stupid way. Yeah. But now for now, it's time for him to show back up and explain more conspiracy theories about how the Jews financed the Bolshevik Revolution. Right. And let me, let me save you some time. It's impossible that rich people during World War One would have used nepotism. Therefore, there must be an illuminati.

Yes, that's the logic of this film. Guys, I, I don't know how to break this to you, but um, rich people help each other out. That's the thing. Not a meritocracy. I mean, don't get me wrong. The Justice Department is working on it now. They are working on it to stop. I'm going to get all choked up because too long. Every time I saw a black kid at college, I thought, God damn it. What

white kid should have been there? I don't want to. I'm getting teary on the air. Not the place. This is the joke part of the show. And I don't want to get too serious. See, what's going on is is he's still convinced that Trump is going to fire Jeff Sessions and need an immoral person. And he's like like, damn it, that's me. So that's Eli applying for a job in the administration. Would we be surprised if I replaced the mood? If my on show character replaced the mood. I mean, yeah, that's the fake me.

No, I mean, that is better than the mooch. I think the fake me actually doesn't act as badly as I wanted a fucking child, not him, not Trump. He's way better than me. Also, okay, shifting back to the movie, I have to throw this line out here because based on the music and the setup and everything, they clearly thought this was profound. And I love dumb people trying to be smart. This is the line.

He says, history is the shadow of what we live in today, but what we do can change the history of tomorrow. And what? And again, that makes no sense, but the music in the background, blah, yeah, exactly. It's his Independence Day speech. Yeah, right. That's exactly what they thought they had right there. He's like, ooh, shadow makes it sound smart. So now they have to, I guess, talk his roommate, Cody, into coding, right?

They need somebody to go through all the fed data you got from his FOIA request and find out, quote, if there's anything fishy in there. Yeah, can you look at all the transactions of the fed and see if there's any fishy transactions? And by the way, he's not like, uh, that's fucking impossible. He's like, I'm gonna need some Dorina. Yeah, right. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So and of course this has the bad guy sweating, right? Mr. Warren wall, you know, doesn't think 30 year old fake gray hair guy is taking this seriously enough. It's so he's like, look, man, we control all of politics. By the way, are you having a happy

Hanukkah? What would you get for the third night? Just want to know. And literally, it is me and Noah's conversation. It's just like, you are too eager to kill. Come on. Kill. Teenager. No. No killing a teen.

I expected Andrew to jump in and be like, hey, fellas, I'm going to need you to clarify these or jokes. Yeah. Again, this is such an amazing, like this, some people actually believe there are two people having this conversation, right? Where he's going like, look, we create wars and starvations all the time, Jaime. It's not, you know, that's no different than killing this one kid, right? And the other guy's like, oh, yeah, got me there. Way of a.

That's a good point, Schmeckle. Yeah. Oh, God. So, all right. So now we have to have this moment where we realized that Kirsten is starting to trust Adam because she's like on the phone, canceling her paid term paper plans that she didn't tell him about. Stupid, stupid.

Right, no it is because like when the fucking, she gets the paper back and all of the citations are info wars, she's gonna realize that this is not an A plus paper. Oh, you get an F and also I think you need to see a doctor. You wrote a whole section about how you were being followed while you wrote this. Yeah, we went ahead and called your parents. I know.

Yeah, no, his dad's very much alive. He's just been concerned. No, it was just some crazy Russian lady at the train station. His parents were back home. You're pleased. Take envelope is full of my poop. Oh, mom, at least he got a care package. Mom, mom, I know you listened to the show, never sent me a care package.

Never. Yeah. Yeah, pity me. I had a terrible child. Yeah, I was just saying, neither did my mother while I was in college and it never occurred to me to think about, but yeah. I was struggling through my education at NYU, which was entirely paid for by other people. And I talked to myself, oh, a care package.

What a hard life. We have listeners who are like truck drivers working for jobs. You're also patient. Out at funny failure, he sure do make a lot of jokes about how much money I give him. He sure do humor himself a lot with that joke, especially on a count of he seems to think I sound like liest. Okay, but a lot of them do. I think they're fake, but messages. So it's not pretend, and I've got a bunch of New England listeners going on. All right. And not just because of how much I hate Boston. There's a lot of you.

A lot of you sound like the beginning of deliverance. Let's just be real with each other. Okay. I'm not saying you are, but you sound that I was at reason con and a lot. Every time someone said my name, I ducked. That's all I'm saying. reason, Conn, and a lot, every time someone said my name, I ducked. That's all I'm saying. He expected the Jew to follow it. Yeah.

Speaking of which, let's get back to the movie here. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. So Keith isn't here to keep us on track. Yeah, right. He's precisely. So, yeah. So Cody now has found something important because one of the companies, the companies is making way too much money.

They just can't tell which one it is unless they break into the Fed, go to the eighth floor, find a computer programmer that works there that could help them and talk him into helping them. Right. And this is supposed to be a like, oh, sure, you could break into the casino, right? Oh, right. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to get past the lasers and then there's dogs made a fire. You know, but it's just like you would need a guest pass. Yes. And then the immediate neck scene is them breaking in. And it's just like, wait, do you have IDs? Oh, I'm here to see my friend.

Oh, okay. Let me get you a pass. There you go. There you go. There you go. And this is where we're going to read meet up with the Byron character that we met randomly for two seconds before Janelle died. Byron is a programmer that could tell them exactly all the stuff that we need to know who apparently has a crush on Kirsten so much so that he has her yearbook picture hanging

up in his cubicle. He does, which is very upsetting. Very creepy. Yep. Yeah, but they don't bother to tell us about any of this. It's just like, yeah, no, I know a guy who's got a crush on me. He's kind of my stalker and everything, but he does work there. Yeah.

So they just walk in. They're just like, Hey, man, do you mind if we access the financial records of the fed and he's like, oh, sure. What are you doing Friday? Glee. And this is where they learn the name of the company that is the bad guys. Apparently that is Duncan's investment because that's what the names of investment firms sound like.

Yeah. Duncan investments. Oh my, how amazing would it be if this was Duncan donut I what would that be like But I don't understand what is the Duncan corporation Very good mr Mr. Smith. Very good. How did you? Who are you? Theodore Duncan of the Duncan corporation. But how did you get all this money? Oh, Mr. Smith, don't you know America runs on Duncan? No!

Yes, Mr. Smith, while white girls are slurping down their frappuccinos, we've been serving cup after cup of chemically altered coffee to gross poor people by the millions. It can't be. It can't be lots of people just make coffee at home do they mr Smith or do they go to Dunkin donuts that's run by an Indian family or maybe they're not a family But you feel racist for thinking there if I do they do that because it's quicker and and and the donuts one of the highest margin foods in the world mr.. Smith, before the Boston Tea Party, there was the Boston Cream filling.

You bastards. Are they a family, though? Please. I don't know. That is what that would be like. Um, so good. All right, so also we have to have this pointless fucking scene. And I thought I actually went through this, the notes and I'll leave now this scene's pointless. We don't really

have to talk about this one, but that was all the scenes. And then there was no script left. So I had to put all of them back because there's a scene here where they're in the fed, right? They're coming down. The bad guys are coming up, right? The matrix reject bad guys that have been following them are coming up. Oh, the tension, but the security guard stops the three bad guys and says, Oh, you guys don't have day passes. You know, I see you do you know a programmer's name that works on the eighth floor because that would do it. Yeah, it's supposed to be comedy because like the the worm wall guy calls ahead and he's like, don't let those three in.

But the security guard thinks he means his guys. And Tee he has the three of them. All right, yeah. And now, now it is time for Byron to commit suicide. He literally walks in and he's like, oh, hey boss, I found some accounting irregularities. And also my skull isn't bulletproof. And his boss could not be more suspicious.

Oh, yeah, it's just like, oh, thanks. Hey, what's that over there on that tarp? No, if you look under, I bet you could see it. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, his boss doesn't want to hear about his bullshit accounting bullshit. He's like, I'm going to fire your ass. If you try to find accounting irregularities in our software anyway, for good reasons, good

reasons and stuff. I'm going to fire you. This is the least suspicious way to behave in that scenario. Yeah. I mean, so all right. So for we we have to cut from there now to again, a completely pointless scene. This is where Adam is meeting with that professor of dollar type stuff, allogy from the class and asking him like, you want to dig in deep on the fat and he's like, man, hey, do you think people with money have too much power and the fucking professor says, well, Adam Smith, the character, let me tell you about Adam Smith, the economist. We're not even trying. Oh, also, by the way, the professor, his acting is bad for this movie. Oh, he seems afraid of cameras.

He was like a Bushman who like had a drag on camera and he was like, fuck, he got my soul now, but fine. Fine. Yeah. Well, if you told me he spoke no English and was just phonetically sounding this out or something, I could have believed that. At gunpoint. Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah. And also, by the way, the, the, the, the line at the end of this basically

that closes this scene as the professor going, I don't think there's ever been any evidence of rich people being corrupt. If only someone could find some, some young, plucky gang of investigators could find some. Yep. So, all right. Now we got back to Byron, who is now going to be a major character in this movie from here on out. Obviously. And this is where he overhears his boss. His boss is having this conversation with his door open in his office. Yeah. Byron found out about all our embezzlement and criminal activities. Don't worry. I'll fire him and possibly murder him. Of course, but Byron overhears that. He's like, Karen, Karen, are we doing Byron's birthday this week? Yeah, you can't do that. Cake, I'm going to have him fired and murdered.

Yeah. Byron and murder. No, I'm email you. I'll email you. Honestly, Karen, when I call you, can you just come in here? Cause I don't like shouting. All right. Karen. But of course, since Byron has heard all about all of that, he has time to program all the numbers with his typing before they can fire him. And then he sneaks out of the, which is not supposed to be comedy, but he's like, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee Obviously Adams there cock walking. Oh God. How many times just like yeah, we should totally hang out

Can I bring my boyfriend? Oh? Yes I love him. I love hanging out with you guys have a boyfriend. That's nice the three amigos. That's us Three amigos. I brought flowers for you too three amigas. I brought flowers for you too. I Oh, man, this is fun. I should eat less bread. I feel like this doesn't happen to people who eat bread when they're sad. So all right. So also, okay. So during this conversation, we introduced this movie's ticking clock that makes zero fucking sense and is insane and is shoehorned in at the last minute. Oh my god, I'm so excited for this.

Okay, they are, we have to get the download done by Friday because after Friday, the Federal Reserve is going to change all of their computers. What which apparently means that the information that was on them won't be there anymore? Yep. They're just going to start over with no data of like previous transactions with the Fed. I want to see that announcement. Just like, uh, hey folks, we hey folks we're doing a hard reset. We're unplugging it and plugging it back in again.

It's a little slow. You know, we think there's probably a lot of cookies at this point. So yeah, we're just going to unplug the single largest monitoring of the world's money. You all seem upset. You all look sad. Let's go on. I was also going to announce that we're introducing a $3 bill, but I feel like you're like everyone has too many questions for me to get around to that.

So yeah, no, that's the ticking clock. They're switching out the computers at 5 p.m. on Friday, the whole fat all over the country. They're switching out their computers. And that's when they need to have the information by or whatever. So now it's time for an exciting looking at spreadsheet scene. Oh my God. I had no fucking idea what was going on. by the way neither did Cody. No, the character at one point is like I'm sorry, what the fuck is going on. They have the money, they don't have the money, they're buying, I have no idea. No, yeah, exactly, but that's just the thing, this is one of those movies where they can't go deep.

You remember, one of the very first reviews we ever did before God off when movie started, when we were still just doing this uns unscathed we had that movie persecuted about the the legislation that if it passed Christianity was doomed or whatever but they could never say what the legislation was because it was obviously an anti gay thing when they first wrote it and then had to write around it this movie suffers from that same thing we are never told what the fed is doing or what the bad guys are doing or anything like that because if they gave us any details, they would be tipping the hand

of the anti-Semitism too much. Exactly. And just to show you how nonsensical this is, at one point the guy's like, and that would do it. And Cody goes like shooting ducks in a pond. Yeah, what? That's fish in a barrel.

Fish in a barrel. Duck in a pond. Yeah, what? That's fish in a barrel. Fish in a barrel. Duck in a pond is hard. Well, it would be easier than ducks flying. Yeah, but yes, yes, not in a pond. Duck in a barrel. Duck in a barrel seems easier than fish. So yeah, and also to give you an idea of just how badly done this this movie is at this point, they're like, well, good luck finding all the discrepancies, Cody, we got to go. But then the next time we see the three characters, they'll all be together. Yep. So yeah, that's how much attention they're paying.

But before we can do that, we have to go back to bad guy HQ, right where they are still worried about these teenagers. But this is where we learn that Steinberg's name is Steinberg. And that's, that's great. Well, and the way we learn this is, again, with them flirting with the conspiracy theory without saying it, because Mr. Steinberg says, if they figure out how the Fed is financed, there will be a riot in the streets.

What group, what ethnicity, well, not exactly ethnicity, ethnicity is more of a cultural thing, but not really a religious thing If that group is discovered why there could be pogroms Jesus, okay, now we go back. Cody's found something Um, and just in case you didn't hate Adam's character enough He's sitting there playing the two chords. He knows on guitar over and over again. We both have notes about this. Mine is, hey, Adam, do you know any songs?

No, then this is private time for you. Adam. Adam. You're sub guitar guy at the party, Goddammit. You're below that. At least that guy knows Blackbird. Yeah. You do. guy knows Blackbird. You do, yes he does.

But yeah, so they have a whole scene where they're basically figuring out that they need to figure some more stuff out. Yup. And they go to Adam's room and it's been trash. It's been, oh, ransacked by the bad guys who are looking for the information or something right Jesus yeah exactly and and this is where the the the kirsten delivers this amazing line where she's like you have the whole financial world after us you've endangered my life my family and possibly my whole educational experience

that is literally the line. Those are in a weird order. Right? It's like my life, my family, and my outfit. If I get shot, it'll ruin this trip, obviously. Adam Smith, the main character of this movie. Next to Cody, the coder. So yeah, okay.

So Cody sees bad guys out the window again. And they so they need to get away. So they need some sort of distraction. What could be the least clever possible way that they could create a distraction in this film? Uh, announcing that trans people aren't allowed to serve in the military. Oh, come on, that's bad, but it's not on original. Okay.

So, yeah, no, the way they get the distraction they create is Cody runs away until he outruns them and then he comes back and they leave. That's just running away. Yeah, that's get away. You didn't need the distraction. No, it's able to outrun. That's all that happened. Yeah, that's get away. You didn't need the distraction. You were just able to outrun. That's all that happened. I love it so fucking much.

They're like, we need a distraction. And then they cut to him running around like an asshole for a little while. It's like, well, but then you guys left together. If he did that and then you guys left, that would be a distraction. That would actually make sense, I guess. But since this script

doesn't sophisticated enough for stuff like that or for things like act breaks, we're just going to pause here because why the fuck not? But first, let me give act of the last third of the pages, the hard sell here. Who really did fund the Bolshevik revolution? How did all that Nannel Thermite get into the wreckage of building seven then? Why did the Iranians kill Michael Jackson? Find out the answers to these questions, remember at least questions like this when we return for the posthumously flogged conclusion of Creed of gold. Hey, Alan.

Hey, Terry, what's up? Well, look, man, it's, it's about the movie. Oh, yeah? Yeah, we really love it. I create a gold so cool. We're just awesome. Yeah, a little worried that people might get offended offended by the Jew stuff. Oh Really the Jew stuff. Yeah, I don't get it either. So look, I ran a quick finding replace through the script and put in the word Bolshevik instead. So shouldn't be a problem.

All right, let me see. Stop you dirty Bolshevik bastard said Tony. Okay, yeah, now I'll teach you to stick your dirty Bolshevik nose into my business. No, I like it. I like it. It still reads good. Yeah, yeah, me too. We are inches from Nazism. Oh, I am already there.

Yeah. This is so big. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our heroes, they had cleverly evaded their pursuers by running away from them. And if you weren't clined to give the, the, the, the writer of break and say, look, you needed some way for them to get away from the bad guys for the next scene. And you just couldn't come up with anything. You would be wrong because in the next scene, the bad guys are still right behind them.

Right? They never lost them. But, but we are now going to get, I would say top 10 most beautiful moments of any of the movies we watch. This is the, we cannot afford literally anything level card chase. Oh, they can barely afford to film a moving vehicle. It is just screeching sounds and things that have to do with cars. That is it. Yeah, right. Like, like, like, and the screeching tire sounds don't even match up to when they're turning or anything. They're just driving down a fucking street and it's

going, street. Yeah, it's amazing. Oh, so good. So they get to the FBI where they meet agent Zimmer. Zimmer. Just I pulled that name out of the blue, I guess. I guess, Zimmer, I guess Rosenberg was busy that day. And this agent is entirely open to hearing from college students. She lets them into her office. She's like, oh, yeah, you guys say the, the Fed is filled with secret Jew gold. Yeah, come on. Juice the blood of the innocent. Anything. No. the fed is filled with secret Jew gold. Yeah, come on. I'll just take this. That's what we do. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it.

I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it.

I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. on the conspiracy to because she's like, yeah, no, Cody, I'll take your computer as evidence now. And I'll keep it. I'll just take this. That's what we do with non child porn cases.

Yes. All this is my now evidence that you have and your video games and shit. Yeah. Yeah. So the gang heads down stairs. Because I guess they've lost the bad guys in that car chase or something. And Cody and Kristen are sure that they've won now, but Adam's not so certain. He's like, something tells me this isn't over yet. They're like 40 minutes left in the room. I think that we got with credits like 30 minutes. Yeah, this isn't over yet.

Yeah. And so, okay. So later on, we get Kirsten. Now, you guys will recall she got his grayle diary earlier and took some pictures. Apparently, one of the pictures she took was a handwritten letter in Russian, which she now uses Google translate to translate from a handwritten. Like you do. It's surrealic. Yeah, you know, like you do. Also amazing moment we learn that they have hard copies.

This is real. They have hard copies of all the transactions at a warehouse. Somewhere the fed all the transactions. The fed has made they have printed out on paper and put an aware house somewhere all the transactions and by the way, these transactions do they think yeah, I mean, yeah, if you're picturing the last scene from Raiders of the Lost Arc here, no, we're talking about like my storage locker when I lived in New York. Yeah, exactly.

Is it Manhattan storage? I just want to keep my bike and all of the transactions in the bag. There. Don't you have a computer that seems like a waste of. No, you're never. Well, you know, in case they switch out all the computers, I want to make sure that you won't back up. Oh my God, they are actually all that's fucking amazing. For God, they're switching out the computers. We should make that warehouse mean nothing.

Yes. So yeah, all right. So yeah, so we cut to, now Byron, remember him, he's at that warehouse now, because apparently he had the fed keys. You know, he works at the fed, so he's the keys to the fed. And while he's there, he calls Kirsten,

and he's like, I found more evidence. Here's a piece of paper that shows that the bad guys are giving my boss money. We write that down on paper and keep it in a box. Yeah, I got this box. It says list of evil stuff. Do not show people. But while he's on the line there, three bad guys in bad guys suits show up. And they're going to murder, they're here to murder him, but first they must deeply explain

the plot, including the fact that the FBI has double crossed them. Yeah, while he's on the phone, like, he, they see him on the phone. He puts the phone like next to him. He does not turn it off. They are aware that he's still on the phone, and they're just like, let me explain my evil plans. Yes. Yes.

So Christian over here's all of it, including the pew pew when they kill Byron. Okay. Can we talk about her terribly active reaction? I said, her terribly reaction to him being murdered is my every, my wife makes bigger reactions to life. Yeah. Originally, my wife walks around our apartment and starts screaming.

And I'm like, what, and she's like, there's the hat. And I'm like, what is that? Okay, this girl, she's just like, oh, a murder unpleasant. This tasteful. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, no, I thought that Eli joke went a little too far. Like I have seen, I have seen bigger reactions from listeners who thought maybe you went a little too far

over the I want to fuck a child jokes. Then this woman manages for the guy who had a crush on me just got murdered doing something I asked him to do. He, he, he, he. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is like, like, honestly, like you would probably walk up to your friend after the community theater performance and say, have you thought about painting? I feel like you'd be good at painting because you can just keep doing it over and over

until you get it right before anyone has to see it. Oh my gosh. That was the shit. The shit. Also, the bad guys here, this is just a quick phone call. They're like, Hey, we killed the guy. The bad guys say they'll be under surveillance for the next 25 hours. See, you know, not just a day, 25 hours. And this is where wormhole goes, I don't want to have to kill the girl. Her father's on the board. And you know, that's going to make the golf social super awkward. How was your year, Dan? Well, my daughter's dad, wormhole. I also, I love to because his message here is like,

I don't want to kill the girl, but like, this is not a hard, like, I don't really not want to kill her either. So like, that option is not a hard, like, I don't really not want to kill her either. So like, that option is open to you. What do you guys feel like doing to you? Feel like killing the girl? I don't want to be the one who makes the decisions. Oh my God. Just tell me if you want me to kill the girl.

No, what do you feel like? I'm asking you. You want me to kill the girl. Just saying you want me to, no, I don't want you to kill the girl if you don't want to. I'm asking you, don't want you to. All right, so now Adam and Cody show up at Kiersten's place so she can fill them in on the murder and the monologuing. So they need to leave right now.

So they do. Meanwhile, at the warehouse, it is time for a vultures of horror level explosion to get rid of the evidence. Except, except for Byron's body, which they leave there. And it's like, there's clearly supposed to be like a set up moment here

because they've put a bunch of like broken bottles near him as though he got drunk and blew it up himself or something. But then they left many bottles. Yeah, right. Like air purring bottles. Yeah, exactly. He got drunk, but not that drunk. He was crazy about it.

He took a flight the way he flies and then he blew up the warehouse. So all right. So now we cut to the gang sitting on a dark curbsome. We're talking about how they need to write a computer virus to infect the Fed. Yes. And Cody's like, I can't do it. I need a computer that's got a jub-jab quad core. Computer words, computer words, computer words. Oh my god, it could not be more clear that they just googled good computer and started reading the specs.

He even says now this is a movie that came out in 2014 he says I'll need a computer with 16 gigs a ram dual quad core up to 16 gigs of ram really that's your like that's your high end I need yeah it needs hyper graphics and that the I love to Adam goes like you know I don't know what any of that means. And clearly neither does the person writing this script. But here's a fucking computer, right? So and but Cody doesn't want a program on a girl computer. It's Kiersten's computer, crost-skaff-cooties, but he'll do it anyway.

And this is when Kiersten goes, I mean, we need the raw computer code from the Fed. What? What is raw? Don't get me wrong. It sounds super pompous, and that's all I want from now on. It's raw computer code. Someone sends me an email, ooh, I'm actually only doing raw computer code right now.

Oh my God, you have to come to this internet cafe. They have organic, all natural raw computer code. They don't even have the zeros. It's just ones. Delicious. Yeah, but luckily, of course, Cody still has the raw computer code because remember, he had, it doesn't, who the fuck knows. Anyway, so they had to do the deed deed the bad guys once again are right behind them Yeah, you know like they are Um, and so and Cody of course is programming like a motherfucker in the back seat Basically, he's absent by their own almost

program programming programming Program but as he's doing this, they're on the bridge. The bad guys are behind him. The bad guys call Kirsten on the phone and they're like, get off of the next exit and we won't, you know, kill you as much. He calls her.

They've got her number and he's like, hey, it's me, the bad guy. I'm sorry. The bad guy, you know, I was then peaking out behind. Black, black, man, it's me, the bad guy. I'm sorry. It's like the bad guy. You know, I would been peeking out behind the trees. Black van, you know, yeah, that's awkward. So and they order him to go to a good murdery spot, right? They're like, they do. Yeah, and they, they, exactly.

It's like what guys, we saw this, you can run these guys at 22 miles an hour in city traffic. I mean, this is not tough. But yeah, so they go to a good murdery warehouse, but luckily, as they're walking in, Adam suddenly becomes a god damn ninja. Does he? Well, I just, because the effectiveness of a ninja should say.

Because his movies still like slap the gun out of the guy's hand. Right? Like you're stealing the remote from your little brother, just like, and then, and then he shoves him and grabs the gun and they run away. Yeah, yeah, right. Right. Yeah. So Ninja like results without the ninja like dexterity.

And basically slaps the hand and then the guy throws the gun a second later. So they go running through this warehouse. They don't run back out where their car is. They run deeper through this warehouse. They don't run back out where their car is. They run deeper into this warehouse. Um, and unfortunately the bad guys are watching them through their live action Pac-Man tracking camera. Yeah, it's got an overhead video game. They're just red dots because apparently they all have trackers on the, I, who knows? Yeah. Uh, by the way, I have to point this out. They are very clearly at Manhattan storage. I have a storage unit in this building.

Like I was like, oh, three, one, four. There is a bunch of magic shit. Huh, I bet it doesn't have an electronic lock on it. It does not, in fact. Have a key, you mean a keypad lock? Yes. A key-coded lock.

But it looks an awful lot like a router that's just been duct taped to the side of the thing. This is so amazing. We're not quite there, but this is so amazing. They show this plot depends on them having an electronic lock that they can override on this thing. So they show outside of this, obviously, just you slide a fucking, it slides over and you put a padlock on it, the storage

thing, but they've got this fakey ass looking keypad next to it. None of the other storage lockers near them have a fakey ass keypad, right? So it couldn't be more obvious that this was just taped on later. But yeah, that's what they went for. Jesus, okay. So now it's time they're gonna, they're gonna lock these guys in the Manhattan storage locker thing. Keep in mind, other people go to those.

Yep. Like knocking on the fucking door would be enough. That would have been it. That would have been all that would have been required. It's just someone walking by to be like, I'm gonna get grandma's couch bang, bang, bang. I'm in here. Yeah, sure.

No problem. And by the way, I want to know more about the storage unit. Is this the bad guy storage unit? I wanted to be filled with embarrassing bad guy stuff. Like, sorry, you could like code in the barbarian comics. All right. Look, I thought when the movie came out, they would gain value. And now I just, yes. Yes. Okay. I'm sorry. Are these beanie babies? Those are going to be worth a lot someday.

They don't have the tax, man. They don't need to do this. Yeah, these are, even called Bernie babies. Yeah, well, you know, if Bernie had won president, that would have been Bernie would have won, by the way. Oh, please lock me in here. Actually, could you shoot me in the face? I would really like them.

I love to. So they get locked in there. Apparently, by the way, her computer, the kid had it stuffed between his ass cheeks because he still has that. He literally pulls it from his ass. Oh my God, we have to talk about it. Okay, so he's like, they take his cell phone, they're like, all right, you're locked in there.

Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, they're locked in there and then literally Cody reaches in and gets not a small laptop, a giant laptop. He's just like, he might as well have had one of the original like max that were shaped like a big fucking, he just pulls out one of those punch card computers out of his ass. All right.

As soon as I'm done feeding these cards in there. Yeah. So we have to fast forward to the right spot on the cassette to load it. Um, yeah, apparently, and I love, as he goes, like at this point, because you see the guys walk away, right? You see the bad guys walk away. Clearly, they do not lock the fucking door. And the guy goes, this is a steel door with an electronic lock on the outside.

And I'm like, none of those things are true, except for on the outside, which is where you put the lock. That's what the girl says. She says, this is a steel door. Nope, it is aluminum foil. It's an aluminum foil door with an electronic lock on the at nope, not even it has a pager. They lost their deposit for the spaces.

Chipped a little of the paint when they taped that on there. They lost their deposit for the spaces for the day. Chipped a little of the paint when they taped that on there. Just say, if it doesn't matter, just say we're trapped under 100 years underground. Yes, it comes from Dinosaur bones. Yeah, also, by the way, the bad guys, there is, we've established in this movie, there is $8 billion a year on the line here or 30 billion.

They changed the amount a couple of times, but there is like billions of dollars a year on the line here. The bad guys lock them in the storage room and then just leave, leave, and leave their car there. They leave their car. They don't like, all right, let's break up everyone in separate cars so that they don't have a car. Obviously, get out. Yeah, right. Should they miraculously escape? Let's break up everyone in separate cars so that they don't have a car. Obviously, if they get out, yeah, right.

Should they miraculously escape? Let's buy knocking on the goddamn door. Yeah. Right. Jesus Christ, so the bed, again, look, they have 25 hours or less than that now, before all the computers are switched out and they're in the clear apparently. And yet they can't afford to just like, no, why don't you just watch the door and just shoot them if they come out? Anyway, so now this is the first of about 11 times I've written in my notes as the scene

intro, still in the storage unit. I wanted so badly for Cody to just be like, so I'm thinking of a thing. Nobody wants to play. I just want to say the anti-Christ is super cool about this thing. Nobody wants to play. I just want to say the anti Christ is super cool about this. He always wants to. Whatever. Yeah, but first we have to have this scene where Kirsten forgives Adam for getting

her all involved in all of this. Now keep in mind, this was a term paper. We don't even know what the assignment was. I guess it's on how awesome the federal reserve is or whatever, but this was a term paper. They are now locked in a storage room by fucking arm illuminati men. She's like, yeah, I can see how like though that this is like a term paper type thing. It's not your right. She's like, there's nothing you could have done.

And I'm like, do you think everyone in the class is locked in a store? You can think discovered the fed is a Jewish conspiracy. There's someone knocks on the wall. Oh my God. Where you got that? That guy's got to switch up his assignments, man. There's a lot of boy requests, right? There's also just an amazing moment here. She goes, Adam, you proved that a group of people, not saying who,

just a group of people, are a good dinner that they're at. And of course, this is like, as Adam's ready to throw in the towel. Damn it. We've lost. But this is like his addons ready to throw in the towel damn it we've lost But this is where she has to like parent back his god made maybe God does make the rules speech because only moral Absolutes can save them now. Oh my god. I just wanted William Lane Craig to smash through the wall Hey I hear someone understands that is does not equal ought. I look like a flesh scarecrow. Crazy billionaire money. So what a flesh scarecrow or I don't know. So also Craig versus a flesh kill. Oh, all right. Yeah. Thunder dome.

All right. Now, that's worth the crazy billionaire money. Thank you. Patreon.com. Full. That's got awful shit. How do you last week worked? I mean, you know, what the hell?

Now, we know begging works. Yeah. Poison Heath. So, okay. But also I got there are a number of times in this movie where like just randomly someone will start talking about in 1917 during the Bolshevik Revolution, there was a train full of gold,

but it's not always the same person. Right, the last time it happened, it was Adam telling her this story, and now she starts telling Adam the story, and then Cody starts telling both of them the story and then he finishes the story. It's like a weird improv game. Yeah, all right, with conspiracy theories.

Actually, that could be a lot of fun. Yeah. Also, I love this tagline at the very end where Cody goes, wait a minute, are you telling me that all rich people are just evil villains? They know, no, no, no, no, no. No, you see hating rich people, this is real. Hating rich people is a cummy plot. Yes, that's what they say.

That's why people hate rich people because the communists tricked them into hating rich people. Yes, right. The communists who existed pre-hating rich people. How did the communists come to be? And while they were spontaneous generations, it's a tough, it's a tough, how did God come to be? It's a good to like, it's no one, no matter what, it's an infinite regress.

Anyway, yeah, and also, by the way, this fucking history reveal is hilariously scored. Again, like I said, I'd love to redo the soundtrack on this movie, but I couldn't make it any more sarcastic. Yeah. No. Literally someone being like, this is important. This is important. More subtle. More subtle. So the next morning, still in the storage unit, I wanted them so badly to have had a kid orgy, like the kid orgy from it. They're not going to put that in the new movie. I bet they're not.

I bet they're not read the book people. There's a kid orgy and it has taken that up. There is. Yeah, they run a train on that little girl at the end of that gang bang, I guess. Yeah, it's more of a king gang bang. It's a it's a it's a fuck train. They run a train on that little girl at the end of that gang bang, I guess. Yeah, it's more of a gang bang. It's a, it's a, it's a fuck train. They run a fuck train on that. It's very loving.

And I like, I wouldn't be surprised if asthma and Trubby kid get in there. I want to talk about this instead of the movie. Let's get fucking part in it. Yeah, that was a, that was a bizarre little close. Yeah. Anyway, they're back. They're still in the storage unit. They have not had a kid or a G instead, they're a, the smart kid is building the escape atron, escapeo, man. He's just like, there's a wire

that controls this door made of aluminum foil. And if I electrocute it, it will unlock. Right. And because this is so obviously a padlock door, when he does short, the thing they can't even get it to automatically go up, they still have to push it up because that's how that door works. Oh, God, it's so funny. Oh, and fuck to say, there's also this incredible moment. It's just a little thing, but she's like, well, we've still got to get to my parents house. That's an hour away, two hours back into

this city. And I just wanted to be like, and I'm going to want to stop for lunch. You guys hungry and I could eat. I'm not starving, but like, okay, but I don't want to eat like gas station food. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Exactly how she's planning it out. So yeah, so they may get to Kirsten's dad's house because they need, they need to run their virus program on his computer, which has access to the Fed computer before they get it to Warren Walls computer, which also has access to the same computer, but they need it to be on Warren Walls computer. Got it?

Good. So first, to get dad to agree to this, they have to be on Warren Walls computer. Got it? Good. So first to get dad to agree to this, they have to tell him all about the corruption. They do so, by the way, using the same words they've explained it to us with several times in the film. Yes. Yeah, they're just re-explaining the plot, which makes no sense, by the way. So they're just like, but I bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, banana phone over and over and over again. Fucking nuts. And she's saying it like it's bad news. She's like, Daddy, I've got bad news. And he's like, you're pregnant.

And she's like, no, you work for an evil communist Jew plot. And he's like, oh, bummer. I kind of wish you would just be because a board shit, we can do a board. So we're not that Christian. I always don't tell anyone about it. Yeah. So I love to again, just digging into these dumb ass fucking tropes of the fed conspiracy

theorists. They're looking through it. They're trying to figure out where the embezzlement is and why nobody's figured it out. And the doubts as well, the fed just creates money. So there'd be no way to know. That's not it. All banks. They print it. They print it. That's what they do. When they run out of money, they print it. You see. And that is how the inflation happens. That print fiat money. I guess this as opposed to non fiat money. Yeah. God Jesus. I really wish we had heath here for this. I just want him to have to suffer through that conversation. If you just like we bring him in for one scene, all right, you're not that on vacation, bro. Yeah, get back. So now, okay, worn wall is furious because he just found out that they escaped, you know, and which means that his guys couldn't bother

to station to guard there. They like, I, we all want to go to the strip strip club guys. It's not going to work out that we draw straws. We all want to go. And now we get another car's driving because we can't afford a car chase. And I cannot, I'm going to save you all up some time at home. I cannot convey to you how long this car chase is. Oh my God. It is a solid eight minutes of just like, meh, meh, meh, meh. And also, okay, so this is supposed to be taking place in New York City, although they clearly filmed it in Detroit. So they have all of these little cut shots, these momentary cut shots of iconic things in New York, like not in the same scene as the cars mind you, but just like very quickly,

you'll see a snippet of a, like a New York subway entrance or something like that. And but they have no clue where things are in relation to other things. Right. But they, they, they pass Wall Street and then immediately after that, 42nd Street. Right. And then they're at Columbus Circle and then they're at Columbus Circle. Yeah. Harlem.

Then they're, they're driving around the Statue of Liberty in a circle. No sense. None. Also, there's one moment where they're running. And can we talk about Unicycle guy? Oh, please, please. I was so happy to see him. They escape a room. They they walked from one place to the next. And they're as they're running on foot, there's a guy just riding a unicycle that they have to dodge. Yep. What do we think? How do we think that gentleman ended up in the movie?

Oh, I think that guy was like the writer or the director or whatever. And he's like, I'm going to unicycle in this fucking movie. I fuck it. Look, there are three conditions. One, I'm not react with too much surprise. Two, no one says the J word three. I ride my fucking unicycle. And they're like, all right, man, those are your conditions. You got it. You got it. I do want to say, by the way, it is perfectly legal to ride a unicycle on New York City sidewalks, kind of an accident. But I mean, on a scale

from one to bringing your crying baby on a plane, it's like a six. Yeah, it is. You can do it, but you can do it. Yeah, it's, but it's legal. They can't arrest you for side walk. So, okay. So, yeah, so they go from one portal to the other. They wind up in the upper east side or something now. And now they're back at the FBI building. But now they know that the FBI agents that they were talking to you before is corrupt, right? Because they heard that on the phone call where Byron guy killed. Right. And their, their plan is to trick her into bringing the act computer program that they developed at her dad's house to have worm wall, install it on his computer essentially. Right. They're going to bring it to her and be like, Oh, no, I hope the bad guys don't get this.

Yeah, exactly. And literally they go into our office and they're like, uh, case goes all the way back to World War One. It was the Jews, you see? Can you arrest the Jews? Can you just go... Just like a general Jew arrest? I don't like that on a Saturday. I feel like it would be pretty easy. I just go to their little hut. They're not even allowed to drive on those days, right? They can't drive away.

They're all wearing black. It's hot. So we got them. So they leave now and Miss Zimmer is a little nervous. So she calls Mr. Warren Wall and I have to give you an actual, she's like, you know, look, I'm not getting paid for this kind of risk. I can't even afford acting lessons here, but I have to give you this actual quote because this I went back over this three times to make sure this is exactly what she said.

All of these words, I didn't leave anything out. I didn't misspell anything. She says, quote, now I'm involved in a destruction of justice, international case. Those are her actual words, which means there were 93 takes to that. And finally, they were just like, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it. That's fine.

You're an obstruction of justice. There you go. It's like, like some of the takes on scathing atheist where I mess up a word. It's because Noah and Heath have been sitting here for 12 minutes while I try to read what I wrote down. You know what? Let's let it. Yeah, you're right. Chimera. It is Chimera.

That's fine. Whatever. Enjoy your chimera. So Chimera Chongas. So all right. Now the movie is not over somehow. That is not over. And no, there's still another 15 fucking minutes in this thing.

They're waiting around to see if this worked. And this is when Kirsten gets an email from her dad saying that the police are out to get them because they think that they murdered Byron. Right. And look, literally we're just all having our characters wait in a coffee shop so that the bad guys can bring about their own downfall. But there is an extra. Oh my God.

Who chose to make this coffee shop The most beautiful thing in the world. By the way, before you say anything, I just want to let point out that everyone who watched this movie with us knows what you're about to talk about. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Cause coffee shop guy goes, he is your coffee. Literally like that. That actor was like, I am a new, he did years of sense memory.

He worked in this. He's the Daniel Daniel Lewis of Crete, a goal just making shoes and living in a fucking two bedroom apartment with six roommates. He's really him. He is ya coffee. Oh my God. And by the way, if you're wondering why he had to do such a ridiculous New York, Jewish accent, it's because apparently this barista is

also part of the illuminati. Is he part of the illuminati or do they think that all New York coffee shops have a literal button that says police on it that you can push to call the police? Well, but why would he be calling the police on them? Unless he's in it for murder. That's where dad's emails that they're wanted for murder. Well, right, but then so they sent it on an all-point bullet into all the baristas. Yes. And you get one of them.

Oh, I see. I see. I see. Something like a mobile order. All right. Now it all makes sense. The whole movie makes sense now. Amazing.

So, okay. Now we have the cut to Warnwall who is finding out now about the virus and the disease going to go down. So he's, he's trying to make it a, a, a break for it, right? He's going to his private jet, right? And he's on the phone with Mr. Steinberg and steam, um, who, who is very angry with him about all of this happening. And Steinberg's, Steinberg says, if this gets to the media before I have a chance to control it. Yes.

Yes. There's the actual fucking words. Mr. Steinberg controls the media, everybody. Woo. Hey, Yagel. Oh, shit. That one, I missed that entirely on the way through. I didn't even occur to.

That's so bad. Oh shit, that one I missed that entirely on the way through. I didn't even occur to that. So amazing. That old Steinberg. Well, the, the media, the reason I missed it is because of how silly the scene after that is like, if the media gets a hold of that and then like 400 reporters just come pouring around the corner where Warren Walls trying to get on his plane. Yeah, there's just like, and again, all of them with the giant old fashioned single bulb cameras from the 1930s or whatever. Yeah. So the computer upgrades been stopped. The illuminati is all going to get arrested.

And evil brown guy behind a tree can't even go kill him now because there's so many police everywhere. That's a and he literally he just exits the movie. He's just like, oh, no, that's it. You had me for one day by. Yeah, right. That movie forever. Hi, guys, I remember me on the one who killed Byron.

I'm not going to get punished at the end of this. So all right. So now we have to wrap the film up. So we go back to the library where he's putting up books and they're all discussing how rough it is that they finally took down the Jews, but nobody knows it was them. Yeah, man, and there's also like a weird swipe at bloggers here. He's like, man, those bloggers who always tell the truth, they just take all the credit to do the research. Well, isn't it fucking funny that in this movie, like the way that they make sure that this is all going to go good is they send all of this information to bloggers because of bloggers.

Right, because in this, in the minds of the people who wrote this movie, that's where you go for information. Is the bloggers, the bloggers, just the 9 11 truth or mommy blog today, Hunter, who still has the rickets by the way, asking, uh, get anyways, the fed is a private bank. Yeah. And now to wrap the whole thing up, well, not quite, but to almost wrap the whole thing up, we have to have the moment where we have to Christian it up one last time because Damana of Adam didn't buy Kirsten a cheap ass cross. Oh yeah, music note, that is not a shitty cross from Zales.

It is nice. Very nice. Honestly, dude, that's an insult to Zales. That is a shitty cross from like the little, the key ask outside of sales. That's where he got that one where there's just like a board teenager sitting there like crosses and will fix your broken phone screen. Exactly. Also a quick little thing at the end she says that because they were the ones who turned them in they're gonna get 5% of last year's losses. So like $2 billion.

Yeah, it was, yeah, yeah, it was quite a sizable number. Nice off-finders fee there. Yeah. Also, I love to, so as the movie, like, like the very last scene of the movie is this news footage. Now, this is from a clearly 15 year old kid, right? Trying to stand up there like an economic analyst or whatever. But this is to tell him that like, and if those plucky teens hadn't stopped them in time, their next target was going to be the US dollar. Oh, Mr. Jenkins is going to take out the US dollar. Yeah, what's that?

But also, I love that this movie is so fucking stupid that they think you can add stakes retroactively. Right. And it turns out they were going to kill the president as well. So yeah. And also, okay, I just wanted to point out two things about the credits. One, bolstering my, the production company was just milking them for every dollar. They possibly good. There is someone listed for composting in the credits. They had an official composter.

And also bolstering, they got $25,000 more by putting some Jesus in it. The last line of the credits in all caps to God be the glory. Yeah. Oh, all right. So this was fun. So fun. It's like you ever have a scary conversation with a guy you think is going to fight you or for those who don't understand that. Have you ever heard Joe Rogan speak? It's like making it through what? We all think Joe Rogan isn't always just about to fight you. I know you're right. If it's like that and then you make it out the other side without the person fighting you, it's that kind of fun. You're like, Hey, that guy really did just want to know where the bun was in the small. He was just a close talker and couldn't afford a shirt in his size,

I guess. Oh, all right. Let's go get a pretzel. Yeah. All right. So given the, given the amount of fun we had with this one, I can't wait to do another one like it. So Eli, to close things up, what other anti-Semitic canards would you like to see brought to the big screen? Oh, the blood libel cultural Marxism, the ludiprecy. Please. There's so much. I have so many ideas. Please call me Pierflex.

I have so much to play on. We'll throw some sales crosses it at the end. And I will even put like only 25 left at 1999 on the bottom flashing if you want. We can sell some supplements. Some buckets, your buckets. And while that's going to do it for our review of Creed of Gold, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to moisten you up for next week. Eli, you got to something fucking weird for next week, huh?

I sure did. Dashavatar, every era has a hero. Now, this is on Netflix. And if I'm reading it right we both scrolled around it is a super violent deadly serious cartoon about the first nine incarnations of Vishnu. Yeah, no, I clicked around it's also on YouTube. I clicked around and I saw three scenes in one of Chitgar knows cut off in another. An army was decimated. And the third had a kid being prodded off a cliff with the promise that Vishnu would catch him at the bottom.

So with a whole new brand of crazy coming at you next week, we're going to bring episode 100 to three to one merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can prepare episode donation at patreon.com. slash God off on there by earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us to tell them about the biggest of five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist,

the skeptic rat and citation dated available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All other music used in this episode was performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clarkam was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heath N. Raid Neely, Boston, common olusions, problems to work hard during another chunk next week until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

Heath Haws is a Lot when he talks. The Jews went on to start a different war somewhere else. We did it straight. We're involved, killed like 450 freshmen who just copied their term paper off the wrong internet conspiracy site. He's a busy man.

A very busy man. Who's that pizza guy? Kill him. internet conspiracy sites. So, it's a busy man. It's very busy man. Who's that pizza guy, Killant? God damn it. You're losing kill permissions. What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Those two are definitely married. They are you and now they've got to be married. I can't be co-workers. And then there's always one white kid. He's a teenager and he's in. You know he's not really, but you don't want to be like, Hey man, you and me answer because that's walking behind that. It's cool. It's just as blatant racism. Yes. You don't want to do that you know. Correct. It gets weird. I don't like it. The preceding podcast was a production to do that.

That's correct. It gets weird. I don't like it. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2017. All rights reserved.