God Awful Movies - 107: GAM107 M 10.28

Episode Date: September 5, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up to figure out what the hell the title of this movie is about... --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

Suddenly the spurned redneck brother from before drives up next to him and starts beating the shit out of Geico's car with a bat Yeah, cuz he reached a hundred Mississippi. I don't understand what's the question From the next land like this seems like an easy fight to avoid that the driving a breast baseball bat fight It's like gonna eat everyone like, dude hit the brakes. He's like, what? Drive straight at the same speed. Alright, we're doing it. Half-class is bullshit. Let's smoke some aids. Let's go.

Not awful. Movie. who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be immediate left is my good friend he then right he visit to soon for the flood jokes are we uh it is it is thanks for uh asking about my birthday it was great appreciate it and uh by the way you know who's a good comedian who uh who does some nice crowd work who's that the president of the United States when he's visiting a disaster set is hilarious yeah yeah he had quite a crowd and sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnig Eli How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Pretty good Noah just

Engaging in some risk behaviors because I've lost my way, you know, it's good You've been learning from our selection today got this root beer All right, so before we get into this week's movie I want to let everyone know that we've got an upcoming show in Austin. Uh, at the end of the month, that show is still on. We're going to be donating a portion of the proceeds to hurricane relief. So if you know somebody down there that could really use an extra laugh at the end of the month, be sure to check the show notes for links to buy tickets. I just tried to make money off the disaster.

Didn't I am a horrible person? You can buy my hats on the website. Anyway, so tell us, Heath, what are we going to be breaking down today? We watched code letters and numbers. M1028, it's an hour long dare video from middle school, but with heaven and hell built it. It's damnation abuse resistance education, the movie. Well done. And Eli, how bad was this movie well if you loved saw but you wish that hobby lobby had done all the special effects you will love this movie it's it's saw 316 saw 316 it's actually very close to that because that's what the code letters are m10 28 is Matthew 10 28

So yeah, okay, let's deal with that up front I don't want to just catch people off guard in the sea segment of this with oh, and now we're in hell So right up front this movie is about 90% after school special and 10% cheap horror movie because towards the end the main character goes to hell for all our Sinful ways and honestly I Would have been no less surprised by a big Bollywood dance number at that point in the film I mean, was that just me did you guys know that was coming? I did not know I did not see a teenage girl going to damn nation for Five or six minutes of this movie coming. I did not see that coming. Just like in saw. Yeah, it was terrifying, but good. It's great. It's like 2016 the movie. You're like, I don't know if I like this

that much. Oh, it got so bad. So now we're in hell. Yeah, yeah. Well, in the movie, she gets back out of hell. So maybe maybe 2017 won't be so bad after all it could happen it could happen Now is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm gonna say best worst depiction of hell we started talking about it and I really mean both best and worst at the same time right scary It's legit really scary, but also somehow contains muuppets in a car movie sequence. It's like Nightmare on Sesame Street. We'll get there. It's scary, but it's definitely not hell.

It's just like Indiana Jones has been through worse than this person's version of hell. Yeah, it's like a holding cell. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Limbo limbo. And there's a lot of logistics that need to get worked out in hell. Like they need a, they need a copy of who moved my cheese and a floor plan. It's a whole, I don't want to get into it. It's like a low budget police department, but they spent the money they do have.

They spend on weird shit. Looks like a great example, actually. Most police departments in the southern part of this country, way worse than But they spent the money they do have they spend on weird shit Great example actually most police departments in the southern part of this country way worse than hell So it's a way worse. Yeah, I mean I would have gassed I've been probably to a few more police departments in the southern portion of this country than you guys But that would have been my guy a lot of white people in this place We'll get there and you know Trump hasn't pardoned the devil yet. So he's got a balance. It's not my point is the,

it has a belt. I feel like he has. I feel like he has. I'm gonna go with best worst title. Now that I know the M1028 stands for math, it makes a little bit more sense, but I watched this entire movie just being like, all right, at 1028, I'm gonna know what this movie means.

Some M's gonna happen. I don't know what to do. Yeah, no, they throw the Bible quote up at the very end of the movie and I'm like, oh, okay, that's it. They literally couldn't think of anything to name their movie except the Bible quote at the end, all right. To be fair, neither can I. So I'm going to go with best worst overall score on the Beck del test. For people who aren't familiar, the Beck del test is the measure of sexism in a movie that says like if a movie contains a scene where two named female characters talk to each other and aren't talking about a guy, then like the movie passes the backdeltest.

This movie is almost entirely girls talking to each other. Almost every scene is that and yet they never pass the backdeltest. They have so many chances. So many chances. Also can we call any of these characters named, can we, like you're a detective, so you somehow figured out these people's names, but it wasn't until the very end of the movie that I was like, huh, that's what that one was called. Yeah, like, we've gotten pretty good at that over the time of,

well, you know, I look on IMDB sometimes. That's the only way. Yeah, and it's okay. All right, well, unfortunately, Eli didn't bring anymore Jewers to inflate the opening, so I guess we're going to pause for a quick break, and when we come back, we'll descend into all the childhood psychological trauma that is M 10.28. All my words are Jew words.

Hey folks, I want to take a minute to talk to you about this week's sponsor Beachbody on Demand. These are the folks that brought you P90X, Insanity, and the 21 Day Fix. They're dedicated to science-based, healthy programs to help you lose weight if you want to get healthy and otherwise achieve your fitness goals. We love all our sponsors, but we were very careful before choosing to work with Beachbody because integrity is important to us in a workout program, especially if we were going to recommend it to you. So Beachbody on demand is an online fitness streaming service that gives you unlimited access

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We know I'm broken. They have vegan meal options as part of their nutrition plan plus all other workouts come with a Modified person off to the side one of the problems. I've always had with like video workouts Is there's just like some trainer who looks like they were carved out of marble and I'm supposed to follow along with a 19 year old name Yennefer, but they got a person off to the side who does a modified version of the workout, which is good for me and my fitness goals. And I got to preview a bunch of different workouts and this one really looked like it was at my fitness level. So at the start of the program, I weigh 220 pounds, and if I can lose 10 pounds in the next month before we do another ad spot, Heath has to try a

different program next month. Yeah, wasn't lying about that. Learning about that now. And his speech body on demand easy to use. It's really, really easy to use. As I said, I've tried it already, I could do them all at home. Beachbody on demand gives you the ability to stream hundreds of workouts on a computer, a web enabled TV, tablet, smartphone. They have an Apple TV app, which is what I use or any other web enabled device. They even got like a cool app on my iPhone that I track the workouts. And when I do them, I get to watch it on my Apple TV.

And I enter all the calories and apple and apple and apple. Yeah, okay, so in a first-first workout, man. Uh, pretty tough, but it felt good. I felt good and I feel like I'm really weird. Be honest, this is for uh, this is for science. I'm so sorry and I think I might die. Okay, I might die. Okay, well, we'll update you on Eli's progress in a month, but if you want to follow along, we have a special offer just for you This is a brand new service, but already has over a million members so you can claim a free trial membership Just text awful to 30 30 30 and get full access to the entire platform for free

You can follow along with me. You can join in with me. We could do 21 day fix together See how it goes. Again, that's just text the word awful to 30, 30, 30. You join in with me. Get a little healthier if you want to lose some weight, if you want to, or follow whatever fitness goals you might have. Just make your left arm super strong. Whatever you want.

You can do it. Do it with me. Teach body on demand. Let's make Keith do insanity. We'll film it. I will film it. It'll be great. Wanna watch me vomit?

Be fun. A lot of people like to watch me vomit. Made a lot of money on that before. This is not the first time I've made money on this. Bring in the net seriously. Hey, how's it going buddy? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What's the deal? Oh, we have some exquisite tortures planned for you. Roode, doxy, whatever. First, first, there's the fire pit, which you will be dipped into wearing chains.

So? Okay, yeah, that's pretty bad. Yeah, and then all snake fingers over here is gonna touch you. Um, okay. And then there's a fire pit, which really is a second fire pit already? Uh, yeah, is that not a super? No, no no it's fine it's fine you're doing good you hate it no no it's fine honestly it's fine

i just expected a little more you know variety i mean that's like to fire pits like right away snake snake fingers right no snake fingers that that sounds pretty unpleasant so you know good stuff you're crushing it you're just being nice.

Ffff. Ffff. Ffff. Ffff. Ffff. Ffff. Ffff. And we're back for the breakdown.

And we're gonna start off by learning that this film might have material inappropriate for children. And I'm like, it's religious. Yeah. Guys, this movie has tits in a brown bunny-esque blowjob. Wait for it. Wait. For it, guys, if you haven't seen that scene, everybody.

I'm not only like men, I mean like everybody. If you have not seen that scene, it will change your life in a good way, in a good way. Chloe's the Vigny. All right, so, and we get an idea quickly how, how like awesome and well done this movie is gonna be because even the title cards are somehow out of focus and like the tripod is in a wind tunnel or so. I, yeah, I don't even know how you manage that. So we get the credits and then we open up

on a snowy house in the Midwest. Yep, and everyone's getting, opening up a letter from someone with a tape inside, and I just wrote, you get a tape. 13 reasons why, joke. Bringing it back, bringing it all the way back. Yeah, yeah, honestly, I was, I'm saying to myself, is that a combination, suicide note, and suicide mixed tape?

Yeah. It's a weird thing to, what are you putting on that tape, by the way? What's an appropriate suicide? Dino's white flag. Ula-la. Oh you didn't really have me. Respect to have me have a mixed tape so ready. It's on my Spotify. You can check it out. So, so we see an old woman who's gotten a cassette tape along with a note from Mary apparently. Of course, from my angle of the universe, what I wrote down is, oh, wow, that means she invented podcasting.

She should sue Adam Corolla. But then we get a couple more, right? So mom gets a tape and then there's a younger girl that gets a tape. And then we meet Drunken Kid, vaguely ethnic kid. Yep. Who's, who's, like obviously he's a bad boy, he's drinking beer in the middle of the day. Drinking a root beer after 2pm, he's gonna be so gassy. What is he doing?

What's he doing? Any smoking, but the actors having so much trouble, he's coughing coughing in wings and clearly had to do more than one take. It was no good for him. He is the teenage girl who wants to hang out outside with the guy who smokes being like, oh, actually, I'll take one too. It goes between my bottom knuckles, right? I just wedges between my bottom knuckles and say, oh, now poke myself in the eye. I'll smash myself in the eye

So yeah, so this guy he and this also little continuity error He throws his beer bottle and breaks it in the alleyway as he's getting into his car And then he has another beer Like yeah, another cold beer on him he keeps it cooler in the car you guys know on him. He keeps it cooler in the car. You guys know. I was going to say don't get set for on a beer. You're going to want another one. No, that's bad. Was that his car? All that throwing makes it thirsty. I believe it was his car. I felt like he was stealing the car, but then it was his, it was right. I think the movie was being racist for a second. He think the movie. It was the movie that was, it was, it didn't know whether they, he took his own car or not. I think it was the movie was the movie because I mean he's not a white guy

So the movie I thought was racist right there So he gets out of the beer apparently he also has a cassette and envelope at which time I started to suspect this was a movie about the Unibomber But it's not I wrote my notes. This is basically 13 reasons why I went to hell. Yes There you go. All right, so now that we've got all of that important present day shit out of the way, we can cut to a high school two months earlier and we get the greatest establishing line in the history of film just waiting there to greet us. Would anyone care to offer up this line?

Sure, sure. So a kid's asking this question to the teacher. Is it true that Jesus was a gay activist who spoke out against the Romans? And the teacher answers really weird too. The teacher's like, hmm, gay activist who died for the sins of straight peoples. Interesting thought faggot. I don't know. I do got to admit it was a weird choice to cast Ian

Hersey-Elene as the art history teacher. I just think it was a strange. Well and that's the other thing we have to emphasize here. This is art class, right? Like they're not in history class, they're not in theology class. This was a question in art Just your typical hetero art history class. This is the the crucifixion by al Greco got hits fags next slide Yeah, right, but then the teachers atheist all of a sudden is weird Well, and that's the thing so the opening this sort of the opening salvo of this movie is this art history teacher talking about Heronymous Bosch paintings now that what the movie is this art history teacher talking about heronymous Bosch paintings. Now, what the movie is saying, all right, as we will learn throughout,

is that man, if anyone really understood how the world worked, it was heronymous Bosch. No idea. Yeah. Yeah. The interpretation of that painting is disputed, by the way, it's not clear whether he was talking about a paradise lost or an actual isn't

it don't worry about it is it this basically the movie opening with a teacher holding a magnifying glass over a clock and being like you know who is a scientist Salvador Dali may listen gentlemen sound given a minute well i can only speak for myself but i got it bad got it bad got it bad for this it bad, got it bad For this particular teacher, especially when she starts going all professors Sorbo Daya tribe on her students. Oh, it's so Hot. Yes, she basically goes like remember guys. Hell is a stupid thing for stupid people to stupid their way into

She actually calls religious people the feeble-minded flock Look she already had me at the tight bun, but feeble-minded flock. I was there. I was all the way there I was on IMDB trying to find her contact information. I hired a private investigator. I don't want to get into Turns out she's just an actress and she's made and well, yeah, and this was yeah, right, right and this was filmed 18 years ago Yeah Yeah, and this was yeah, right, right, right, and this was filmed 18 years ago. Yeah So all right, so We get a little bit of note passing, etc etc This this class ends and then we wind up in the hallway where we're gonna meet our main characters So and I should point out

Mary and this is Mary and Natalie that are talking they do not make it a single line in this conversation without failing the Beck del test. Yeah, although, right. The opening line is, hey Natalie, I have a note from Chad for you. Yep. And to be fair, I thought we were setting up for her a sweet lesbian scene because she's like, oh, and she goes, you know where to find me.

And I was like, nice. But no, they're just going to talk about boys and parties. Yeah. Oh, God, this opening scene is this boring is actually dating one of these girls would have been, you know. So, yeah, so they meet in the bathroom to talk about like, be in bad and go into parties and whatnot. So this entire scene is white noise for me. It's just white girl noise. Yeah. Like awful, high school girls talking for like, It's just white girl noise. Yeah. That like awful high school girls talking for like,

man, man, man, man, man. Like Louis C.K. pissed online at coffee or whatever you're talking about. This is all I heard. And at this point, Natalie, right? She's the one who drops her bag. No, no, that's Mary. No, Mary, Mary drops her bag

and her nefarious items fall out. Now, if you want to show a kid is bad and they drop their bag what falls out drugs a gun yes tarot cards tarot cards no yeah it's tarot cards here it's the rider weight deck to be exact i love the reaction to is like are those tarot cards but the tone is like is that weaponized uranium? Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you a Jew? What's happening? Oh, Jesus. Hello. God mower to the object. Yeah, right. So, all right, so very quickly to establish this scene here where Mary is the main character of the film.

Sarah is the bad badger. She's so bad she smokes in the bathroom. And then Natalie is the good girl who they're corrupting. She's not allowed to date. She's only allowed to go to church things blah blah blah. They're trying to get Natalie to go to a party with her with them because apparently their parents will trust them that actually go to the church thing if oh Jesus Christ I actually know all this I was just gonna say you should be grateful at home no one

was time reading those great courses and reading books and looking at space and he's like all right let me explain who Mary Natalie and Sarah are and what their relationship is. I'm gonna remember this in 40 years because that's how Alzheimer's works. So in 40 years, someone's gonna be walking me to lunch, which I won't be able to chew. And I'm gonna be like, Mary and Sarah both want to go out of the party, but Natalie's not sure. Yeah, right. Oh, Jesus, I love the idea that I'm gonna make it 40 more years. That's great

Funny Eli so yeah, so basically the kids decide that they will lie to their parents and be sexually promiscuous this night So now we cut to dinner that night at Mary's house. Oh, and it's a terrible non-Jewish dinner so non-Jewish dinner. So I need to just, but Jews talk when they eat and the non-Jews don't and no, that's not, that's not at all true. I've talked every time. No, you talk with bread, but well, if there's a Jew there, I mean, you know, you're different. Yeah, exactly. I don't have a seducinated dinner table. I feel like we're getting getting on track now Every time I've eaten with a goyish family. I sit down and you people just you scrape your silverware against your place in Total fucking silence and then you start screaming at each other, but there's no zero. There's no Like pass the potatoes you are it's the

It's just like pass the potatoes you are it's the Okay, no, yeah, no, that's right. I thought but that counts as talking so I you you are correct though Yeah, well they drop us in in the middle of this conversation and it's so fucking awkward because what's just happened is the girl Is asked for permission to go to this church thing mom doesn't want to let her go because she's grounded But we don't see that part. We just see the reaction to it and have to fill in what just happened. Yeah, and mom's super aggressive, just standing up silently. Yeah, my first note was that they were playing this scene like dad just asked mom,

if she thought she was really still young enough for that dress, right? But no, it's all about the fact that the daughter's grounded and she shouldn't be allowed to go out because she talked to me into her mama. Real quick, we also address the relative ages of these parents. I don't know what dads,

like a 10 year old fat kid in his dad's suit and mom's 85 years old. And they have a biologically impossible little toddler girl to be mentioned to Mary or whoever this is. Yeah, I think they prayed to Thorin, he liked lightning struck some fucking mud and that's how they got that. So yeah, so the dad, by the way,

is the writer, director of the film. And the mom is probably his mom. I don't know. Oh no. And check on that. So mom's in the kitchen, angrily doing post-dinner dishes, the phone rings,

and this is what's going on in this scene, Eli, who probably doesn't remember this. Back in the day, you would have an answering machine where if you didn't answer your phone, like people could just hear in your house the person leaving the message on your phone, which was awkward if you had friends that were like calling to say they'd brought you drugs

or whatever But that's what happens here and it's Natalie's mom who basically calls this is hi guys I'm the sweet wholesome person sweet wholesome person's going to the thing tonight. Can you give her a ride? So that's that was I guess Mary's plan to get out of her grounding the message on their machine ends with God bless you And I just got to say right now if your message machine ends with God bless you I'm going to leave the word Kant on your machine. That's what's going to happen. If you're a children's hospital and you end with God bless you'll be like hey everybody Kant anyways I found all the medicine. It's over here but I don't want to bring it anymore because your president is seeing a thing. I'm just gonna see, I'm gonna retroactively sneeze

and then it won't be awkward. So yeah, so yeah, but this is how she tricks her mom into letting her go to quote, that church gym thing, which they're gonna like, you know, walk into and then walk right back out of and go to the party after mom and dad drive off. Remember classic.

And there's this amazing fight between the parents okay oh my god this movie would have us believe that her promiscuity a desire to go to this party is just tearing this family apart damage oh yeah like the kids are supposed to be getting like scarred by this hearing the background but they couldn't write anything like mean enough no i'm I'm so flinging flanging angry. Alright, that's not smart.

It's literally them going, it's every conversation I ever have with my wife. I have this thing at seven. Well, I have this thing at seven. Well, you didn't tell me. Yeah, it's on the calendar man. Check the fucking calendar. Fuck you. Except for flingle flangles

that fuck yeah exactly so yeah right if you've got the no swearing poor square on your uh... christian movie bingo card you can go ahead and set something on that um yes but mom is pissed dad is angry at mom for being angry um and there's also this this adorable little sister here that is also being scarred by this whole event. Oh my, she's looking at her sister and she's like, hey, hey, look me in my eyes. You know what I'm gonna do when I grow up? Blow a podcaster. I'm already planning the revenge. You see this septum? Not gonna have a nod of peace and metal in it for long. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha She's adorable. Yeah, no, she really is. And actually, you know what, while we're on the subject, the girl who plays Mary is actually pretty good too. And it bizarrely so in this movie.

And I say that like, you know, everybody looks tall when they're standing next to Lucinda. I mean, compared to the other actors in this film, she's amazing. But I think she actually might be a fairly talented actress, which is really awkward in this film. Sure is. Sure is. So she made her an acorn crucifix

She gives it to her and she's like oh this. Oh, thank you. Okay Oh, you're supposed to wear it. Yeah wear it. God on my body sure and people will see she gives her a hug and whispers in her ear Jesus loves you, and I wanted her so badly to be like, and he's always watching. Yeah, right, right. She gives it in the, we all float down here, tone, right? Yeah, she pops scares into a demon in her real harmony. That's what happens right there.

It's fucking creepy. Yeah, it turned from sweet, discrepiant, a big fucking hurry. So yeah, and now we get the whole like, you know, the scene where dad is all pissed and makes it clear to Mary just how on the last thread their family is overall her skulled duggery and makes it very clear she better be home by 11 p.m. Damn it. That's a generous curfew. Dad. Yeah, at one point he, dad's just like if she's not home on time And that's it Finish your thought in the scripted movie Right, and she goes does 1059 count dude. I wasn't allowed out until 11 in high school

Yeah, but you had you know, you had a Jewish mom so but it's like the problem kid versus parents moment like this 1059 can you describe the ruckus right just turning up like teenage met anthem by like the atheist drug band can't hear you dad yeah except they're not willing to go there right they're not willing to have or say anything smart as they're not willing to have or listening to any bad you know nothing saying any swear words or anything so yeah that's the best they can do so everybody leaves moms got a thing to that night I would to church thing and dad's got a church thing that night they got to take the daughter to a baby so the little girl to a babysitter big huge pain in the ass everybody

leaves now Mary is down in the basement doing some ironing and we get this weird series of horror movie establishing shots through the house. And I say weird because nothing is gonna happen here. Never pays off. She's just gonna iron her clothes. No, it's just like Azazel coming in and being like,

nah, wrong house. Nobody's home apparently. Yeah, although this does contain this incredible moment where the camera slowly zooms for a very long time on a newspaper advertisement for a Telephone psychic Not not just a telephone psychic the number oh The number which is one 900 future which is not enough fucking numbers which is one 900 future, which is not enough fucking number. It's not going to let you count to seven. Jesus.

Not enough numbers. Jesus. They didn't know how long the phone number was. This movie made a whole newspaper prop with the wrong number of numbers and a phone number. That's, but I love that the whole, the way this is shot, there's a candle, right, beside it and everything is like,

oh, she's invited the devil into this house or something like that Like you know like what there should be as oh there's a candle next to that piece of newspaper that's a fire hazard But no I thought there was gonna be a fire. I was like oh that's gonna catch on fire. This is scary But no it was just like look at the words on the paper Seen twice to understand what it was communicating to me Also, I have to point this out. She's listening to her headphones while she's ironing and she appears to be listening to like the mega man's soundtrack It's like That's some of my favorite stuff rocking out to the water level

1999 I would have listened to something like mega man soundtrack Walkman yeah, whatever she had. Yeah, so, and, but she gets all freaked out by a noise or something. Again, it's nothing, but she has to run around and act like she's in a horror movie for a second, I guess. To be fair though, I do that whenever I'm home alone. Like I, I know that experience is a very relatable part of the movie.

I'm an avis and a skeptic and absolutely. Anything moves in my house. I'm like, fucking ghosts. Yeah. Ghost. I am 36 years old. I get scared by empty house. Like no one in Lucinda, when they left, I carried around a giant knife all over the house. I still have it right now. It's right under my desk next to my computer now. So access for that

So now there's a creepy knock at the door or actually it's just a regular knock But they treat it like it's a horror movie moment This is Sarah. This is bad girl number two the smoking one from earlier and she's like are you ready to go or is there still some More horror horror movie establishing shit to do is she's like no, I'm almost ready come on in more horror movie establishing shit to do is she's like no I'm almost ready come on in. Um, actually she's like oh my god my parents just left and you smell like beer already. That's her actual creating. And she also makes fun of what she's wearing, which is valid. She's dressed kind of like an inmate from Shawshank.

Like I was in high school in 1999. We didn't dress like that. No, no, and I just turned out I was not in high school. I mean I still went into high schools But not I'd occasionally visit high school, but I was selling those kids drugs. I wasn't I was in I was in front of a lot of anything I want to talk about clear. I'm a yeah and So all right so very quickly before I incriminate myself we're going to this church gym thing I love that my mom listens to this show middle school.. I was in middle school. It's anyone's wondering.

The guy was in sixth grade. So no 10 years old, not in 12 years old, not in, not in middle school yet. Elementary school. Mm-hmm. State Farm doesn't care. So we go to this church gym thing and Mary and Sarah in the car waiting for Natalie. Natalie of course is the goody-two shoes that they need to make this whole thing work somehow, but that bitch ain't shown up yet. Oh, so bad. I think they have this weird leg. Natalie.

I don't know. I feel a little guilty about this and she's like, at least I don't pretend to have a conscience. Fucking my hard-determinist anyways. So like, starts to get similar. I couldn't stand not to be god fucking Mary. Which by the way, almost passes the backdeltest until the end of the conversation. She's like, so what about Rick? How about you still with Rick?

So close. What happened with you and Rick? Also, tiny moment, it might be the worst sports thing we've seen actually, but it's this tiny little thing. They don't even play a sport. They're just establishing that there's basketball happening at this church gym thing. Yeah.

So they just throw a basketball across the frame that makes no sense. Like, it might as well roll past like tumbleweed. Like, I don't know what, like, like, might as well bounce up to the ball and dunk itself around the ball for us, just disembodied, it's so stupid. So we listen to some more awesome high school girl gossip

and then Natalie shows up ready to be a bad girl after all. We head out to the party. Be bad girl. So yeah, now we get to this major rager and this is where by the way we established suddenly that it's Halloween. As you're walking up to this house there's jackalandards because that's scary I guess. And they go up to the dark house and the guy shows up to the door and he's got like a scary mask on and he does like a little intro monologue like it's a haunted house of teen risk behaviors he's like hey kids welcome to risk behavior alley we've got beers we've got sexual promiscuity and we've got self-hung

Yeah, yeah everybody's so drunk All right, so they go into this party. I have questions. I have questions about this party Okay, so I didn't go to a lot of parties because I was very intimidating in high school. Yeah, that's right. That was too obvious. I was so jealous. But we've established that you were in high school or in high school parties for business.

Was this what parties were like? Actually, you know what, this was fairly close. Kind of like a suburban Halloween basement, I could see this. Yeah, this was actually not too bad compared. I mean, it wasn't like an international gorilla's version of drinking, right? You know, that could have been a party.

There probably would have been drug use there somewhere. Couple of notable differences, but it was close. Yeah, it was close. Yeah, it seems cool. It seems cool. I did a lot of reading. I got on a real reading kick in high school. I got a lot of Reading done nice. What books did you read? I got like really into fantasy. I read the whole I of the world series That sounds good game of thrones

Wait before the show so if you think think Game of Thrones is cool, I was cooler. So comedy jokes. Oh, man. But I love the movie so clumsy. So they walk into the party. They walk into this basement. And immediately it's like some dudes. It's just yelling like Sarah Sarah. It's me Rick I'm off camera, but it's the guy who just broke up with Mary who's standing that your other friend is Natalie. There are 33 minutes left in this movie

So awkward there are thirty three minutes left in the school. Yeah, right. So yeah, that's that's what we're supposed to learn here. The guy that Mary just broke up with is now dating Sarah and that bitch didn't even tell her. And the guy that Natalie came here to meet isn't even there. Darn it. But luckily for Natalie though, trench coatia is standing right behind her and seems painfully interested. Okay, let's talk about Trenchcoat Mafia. So this is supposed to be a creepy guy at the party and it is a nine-year-old dressed as a bodyguard wearing sunglasses in the pitch black party.

In a dirty face. wearing sunglasses in the pitch black party in a door. Are you? Yes. Yes. If he's not blind, I hope he dies. His first question to her should have been, who are you? Are you a person or a post? I can't. Yeah. And also, can we talk about this guy, Rick, right?

Because Sarah goes over to start making out with Rick. And he is the fucking Geico caveman mascot isn't he? It's phenomenal. He looks like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite going through a hippie face. Kind of like a teenage in Nigo Montoya. Yeah, okay. TNigo Montoya. I'm gonna call him now.

I'm pretty happy about that. Well done. So, yeah. So, caveman guy is gonna, I have him as Geico through the rest of the movie. Geico is gonna go upstairs and fuck Sarah, but on the way up the stairs, Redneck guy is coming down. A Redneck guy apparently Geico has fucked Redneck guy's sister, and Redneck guy is coming down a redneck guy apparently guy go has fucked redneck guy sister and redneck guy is out for revenge says he's gonna smash his face

oh sorry he says he's gonna crash his face crash his face i believe yeah and he yells at rick from like just way too close like the the rick actor is clearly laughing because this guy's inside of him to deliver this line Ticklin his bowels while he's yelling Well, and the guy's message is a little weird too. He's like hey man. If I ever see you I'm gonna kick your ass now Not now, but later in the movie for some reason we're now in a party where like basically

There's no shaperones or anything this would be an ideal time to kick your ass but I'm gonna do it later in the film. Listen I'm the great great great great grandson of the Lamanite King so I'm gonna give you a head start. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you ha ha but yet if this is a high school party this turns everybody circles around outside the front port is a fight yeah absolutely why would it not be the fight there yeah right because it works better later in the movie i guess but yeah and now sarah doesn't want to fucking because he just heard he was with the red neck guy's sister and i wrote

god all my notes sound like things that he has to pretend to care about on the phone i just that's crazy i care about on the phone. That's crazy. I care about all those things. You hear me genuine laughing all the time. She's so funny. Crazy. Brunch.

But meanwhile, trench goat mafia is, I guess we're going to go with flirting with Natalie, which is is basically I have a penis I would like to put in you. Hey, hey, where are you going? I feel trench coat Moffe is paying. He gets, he gets absurdly angry so fast though. starts yelling like dark night just dance with me. Where are I'm completely blind down here seriously? Where are you? Look, if wearing an outfit that you think is cool but is actually entirely comedic is wrong, then I didn't want to be right in high school.

Elbow patches. Elbow patches ladies and gentlemen. I definitely got a leather jacket and wore it like that a while when I first got it in her school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we all did something similar to that depending on our income.

So, now, okay, so Natalie has to get away from trench coat mafia. So she goes outside on the porch where there are no witnesses so she can be safe. But luckily for her, suddenly all of the named characters show up on the porch very soon after. And is it just me or right here specifically, did they all of a sudden get really thick Midwest accents just for this conversation? Like they all sound like they should be like

churning butter or like something with cheese making. Like they sound like dairy and swing state ignorance all the same time, just all of a sudden. And it sounded like growing up, yeah sure did. So yeah, they all meet out of the, we made a lot of butter as a kid is what I'm saying. And Detroit, we were big butter makers. He was selling butter to the kids. He was selling butter at the high school. That's what he was doing.

He was buttered by every salesman With shoulder like there Yeah, so So yeah, so Natalie's had enough dammit. She needs to go back to the church gym thingy And but Sarah doesn't want to drive her there because Sarah still wants to go fuck Geico you see yeah This is important stuff guys. This is all the movie really has. I mean, we have to act like we're interested in this. I'm picturing a drug handshake with butter

and I'm distracted because you're trying to hit me. Like, here you go. Ah, it's all an issue. It's an issue. Just fucking hand it. We always do this. Now there's like a 20 mashed in with butter. This is so stupid.

It's a dumb system. Lefty righty at least got it. Every time, Rick, every time. So, but real quick, Rick's teeth, we get it like a weird close-up of him, like, Rick, by the way, is Geico. Yeah, Tani go Montoya. He, we get a weird shot of him, like, smile scowling, and we get his teeth. They're crazy. They're facing in all directions every

It's like he covered his gums in honey and dipped his mouth in a pile of teeth like Like kickboxer with the broken glass with teeth. Yeah, he looks like his teeth are preparing for the Persians to attack He definitely he's got the tooth equivalent of Six-fingered man. He has six fifths of the right amount of teeth is the all right so yeah so now here's the deal they need to get back to the church thingy um... sarah won't drive them because she's being a bitch but

rick and her are driving out to the lake to fuck and they will drop them off at the church thingy, but only if Rick gets to be drunk and unsafe behind the wheel. Yeah, it's just great. They're just like, look, we can drunk drive you there, but I'm not driving you there. We'll drunk drive you. Yeah, I'm sober. I'm sober.

We'll not drive you there. He will drunk drive you there or any of you who I assume can operate a vehicle. Yeah, right. Because you just offered to. Yeah, right. Because you just offered to. Yeah, exactly. So, okay, so before we can get to all the driving risk behaviors, we have to cut to mom who is at the least pleasant gathering of non-canable humans. Swingers party.

All right, the second least pleasant gathering. Yeah, but mom's on the phone looking for Mary, because she knows she's not ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha sense anyway. And at the same time, dad is at a half-building with a bunch of other guys wearing hard hats as they sit around and discuss things. And the, oh no, we need to lead into this scene line is my favorite. He goes, I'm telling you, you can't put a door there. And I wanted him so badly to be like, that's a toilet. Yeah. The background conversation throughout this is so forced they keep going with it. It's just like blueprint paint Square I'm gonna say girder Just stick with rubber One guy I'm sure was actually saying rabble rabble rabble back there one One of the guys was just rabble rabble, they're like, Steve's talking, you want to say words, rabble rabble rabble? Yeah, but,

but in the foreground, dad gets a call from mom. Where's Mary? Oh, she's off Horan again, I bet type of call. And in the background, we have these guys desperately trying to keep saying construction words until the scene is over. Oh, God, crazy billionaire money, I remake this movie, find all those actors, and I extend this scene by 40 more seconds. Because you know one of the actors would end up being like, oh, yay!

Oh, sorry. Oh. Oh. Man, I had a construction where it's, but I am. I am, I am getting, I'm gonna leave my wife and children because I am. That's it. This is how we found it, folks.

This is how we found it. Gay hammer. Fuck. You say gay hammer man? Yeah. Uh, just hammer. Why did you, what did you hear me say? You said gay.

Are you said gay hammer now? I feel like that. Yeah, and we both at least at the worst. You have to tell me if you're gay. So it's like a cop. So meanwhile, the girls are going to fast in an automobile with an impaired driver. And then, as if that's not bad enough,

he puts on rock music to really invite the devil in. Oh. Also drinks from a liquor bottle that's way too big. It's supposed to be a 40, but this is minimum 200 ounces of malt liquor Yeah, it looks like something witty the pool would be drinking a honey out of you And we're gonna order a prop liquor bottle. What size do they have absurd size? Yes, they do. I'm looking for can you drink out of the decorations at an Italian restaurant? Yes again What about a giant copper still built into the car?

Would that make sense? That would actually be fucking awesome. He just drinks out of giant old espresso machines. Tom trying to get you to drink his terrible homemade beer. Good mom, man, try it. No, you're not good at this. That's why you have to buy it and you don't do it for a living. you're not good at this. That's why you have to buy it and you don't do it for a living. No. So I bet I bet Tom's got some good homey beer. I wouldn't be surprised. Well, you know, Eli has such a beer kind of sewer. He would probably know. So yeah, and I love to, by the way, that they show like Natalie, the good girl of the group. She's covering her ears because of the evil music music she doesn't want to let the devil in. So as they're driving along, suddenly the spurned redneck brother from before starts, shows

up, drives up next to him and starts beating the shit out of Geico's car with a bat. Yeah, because he reached 100 Mississippi. I don't understand what's the question. From the next land, like this seems like an easy fight to avoid. The driving a breast baseball bat fight. It's like, everyone's like, dude, hit the brakes. He's like, what? Drive straight at the same speed.

All right. You're doing it. Half glass is bullshit. Let's smoke some eggs. Let's go. So stupid. So he pulls over pulls over yeah to make himself more Jesus Christ yeah, and and Natalie would like to get out of the car that's being hit with a bat now that they've stopped So but just a remind us what a badass Geico is he has to like give her the violin look, you know

Oh, it doesn't he slapper? Oh, does he slap her? I could be it's fucking pitch Definitely a slap is somebody but definitely slapping and there are only women in the car Well, that's yeah, right, right? So he hit some damn body. Okay, so then the baseball bat guy drives up and The basically they taunt him. They're like, oh, you want to come get us, come get us. Why would you want to come get them? You have three hot chicks in the car, and you're like gonna go fuck one of them at least.

But instead, you're gonna chase this guy down that wants to kill you. He has a beer bottle, and it's like he's challenging him to a race for alcohol. And I wrote in my notes, the race for alcohol, the Heath and Wright story. I go kind of slow. He does. You follow him for me. And I wrote in my notes the race for alcohol the he then write story I go kind of slow

I win that fucking race I tortoise it like the tortoise and the hair exactly so The tortoise in the hair of alcohol he then right he's in the hair of the dog the bitch. Yeah Morning drinker. I'm a morning drinker is what I'm saying. And after noon, what time is it now? It is, it's 3 p.m. That's morning, so after noon. Can you ask for help on a different show? So just, I didn't ask for help.

I mean, if anyone wants to give it, sure, I need it, but I didn't ask Leave I was bragging. Maybe I'm a little too proud pretty sure I saw bragging Maybe we do a proud of myself maybe we do a sketch with Carl the Pug of Pagot corn where he doesn't intervention He's got to stop buddy. You're killing yourself. You're killing yourself Tidy cuts every day brother. I can't watch you die. I'm a dog pug unicorn. All right, moving on. Yeah, please Latino version of the purge mask is chasing the fucking other drunk guy. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, he he follows them to a scarier spot where it'll be easier to kill him.

Well, what were the mechanics of this chase? What were they doing? Like, he thought a dead end in the woods was the place to look for it. It's where they end up on this chase. I don't understand anything's happening. Yeah, well, but one way or the other, they end up on this dark road in the middle of nowhere. And the red net guy attacks Geico and starts punching him and dragging him out of his car. He reaches for the gun that's in his glove box, but he can't quite get it.

That'll be important. And so the dragon, he starts getting the fuck beat out of him. The girls all take turns screaming to see if one of them can solve the problem that way. I'm in them back in time. And I look, this is the advantage of listening to this show rather than watching these fucking movies I cannot communicate to you listening to the show how long this scene is punch punch punch punch punch it goes on for hours hours in my mind in my mind I have never not been watching that scene Peter Griffin right next to him with hurting his shins So yeah, so Sarah who was the girl that he was gonna fuck at the end of this has had enough she

Takes the gun out of the glove box and she goes back to like shoot into the air to scare him off Right, that's her plan or shoot into the ground because she's an idiot. Would that not? Well, I mean, that might also scare them off. Yeah, exactly. But shoot in the air actually probably would be worse because the ground has to come down. Yeah, exactly.

Shoot yourself. That that really gets them scared to get your own arm and fire through your own arm. That way they know your own patterns. All right. If I'm ever getting beat the shit out of Heath, you get the gun. Well, please, let me say this. It is absurd how long she waits before getting the gun. She stares at the gun while like, he takes a water breath like someone comes out with a round

side ting-ting and this working. Conor McGregor standing off to the side. Oh, you shouldn't have been involved in this fight. You did a bad job Pedro Just looking back at fourth gun insurance information. What do we do? Because the window I feel like they should exchange info Should I use the gun? She throws that into the ground it bounces up gets him in the eye. Oh, I'm so sorry. We have all state I'd like to know what yours is and stop beating him up

Nazis. Thank you And that's by the way, can we can we put point that out that what we're watching is a bunch of white kids beating a brown person to Dazs it's a lynching in Yes, yeah exactly exactly. It's the only vaguely ethnic person in this school getting beaten to death by white kids so yeah, so she steps out, she shoots into the ground and one of the guys who's beaten this guy, one of the red necks friends, also has a gun. So he pulls his gun out and just randomly starts shooting into the headlights because now apparently the car's facing them even though it wasn't earlier.

Right. And now everyone's safe because both sides have a gun. Yeah. So I'm going to say, good guy, who all works out. The second gun, no, it's a second gun actually, makes it technically a gun fight. A gun fight. Yeah, it's a gun to a gun fight.

That's what it turns into. When you bring a gun, it's automatically a gun fight. Not a lot of people know that, but now it's automatically a gun fight when you fight with a gun So now Sarah apparently the one he was shooting at managed to pull a neo right? Oh, oh I thought it was like a strafe dive roll Job double a seven move. Yeah, probably probably yeah But what of the other two now the bad guys are all like fuck

Let's drive away from here where we just murdered people So they do and then we have the long like scary moment where Sarah's laying in the dirt She she starts to call out for to marry into Natalie and They don't answer because they are shot to fuck don't answer because they are shot to fuck. And uh, Mary has like a little like, like, what the fuck was that? Yes, she's a death seizure.

Do you have a seizure before you die of well, depending on what you're dying of. But yes, actually that was a very realistic that girl just got shot and is now dying a moment. No, a shot of guy. Weird. Not a guy. A weird revelatory episode of God awful movies guys.

So, but Natalie is just all kinds of dead. Hopefully you weren't to attach to that character because she's just fucking dead. So now Sarah calls 911 on her cell phone. The best. And it's so extraordinarily Unhelpful with the police dispatcher unbelievable 911 call like what the fuck was the operator? I feel like the operator kept interrupting This is like hello 911 yeah, I'd like to report it. What? Sarah how does that matter? Yes with an H at the end. Why are we I need an end? What oh my god the last four digits five three two eight

What It's like an automated menu for 911 your friend got if this is correct press what no go back Operator operator operator. Yeah, yeah, right. Well, and she's going like that. She's going I don't know where we are We went under a bridge. I don't know if they're dead. I'm like can you look? Can you check and see if they're dead because that matters to the ambulance driver, right? Whether they want to like drive faster or not is dependent on whether or not those people are dead Maybe they want a mosey. Yeah, exactly exactly. It's safer. It's safer if they mosey anyway Well, we try to recover from that,

less than expected violence, we're gonna pause for another quick break. But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell. Do they consider this to be among the typical risks of drunk driving? Why not just have them get attacked by ninjas with rabies? Are we saying that that would make less sense than what just happened?

Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the emotionally damaging conclusion of M1028. Hee, then right. Hey, so how are you enjoying damnation? It's bad it's bad I guess I know What do you what do you mean it's bad you guess? Yeah, no, it's just like

Do you know the stuff humans do to each other? I imagine is it is it fire pits? Well, all right, let me bring up the Google Oh, man, yeah, no, there you go, buddy. Let it out. Oh The worst. Oh the worst. I know I know I know I know it's a truck fire pits fire pits for all of you. Yeah, buddy fire pits Weird Fire pits fire pits for all of you. Yeah buddy fire pits Weird And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroines they were all shot to fuck up So we're gonna pick up the action with dad and adorable little sister arriving home and sure hope and Mary isn't shot to death in the woods somewhere. He's like he's like come on kiddo go to sleep she's not dead look I

can't promise you much but I promise you your sister is alive and well and we'll be here in the morning not dead that's what I call your sister not dead not dead Natalie. No Natalie is dead actually. Not dead Mary not dead Mary. That's why it's weird I call her not dead Natalie. That was a strange name. So but dad, yeah, he puts the little sister to bed and then he prays to God. Yeah, God, you got to help us.

He says, now, if I'm intelligently designing the universe, at least this applies to gunshot wounds, this is not how it goes. Like, maybe God works on some gun control bills, not coagulation spells after the fact. I feel like if you're picked, just setting it up. Yeah, well, there's a lot of debate about the design, but even if that's right, there's still a lot of debate on the intelligence.

So, okay, so now up see cut to an ambulance where they're desperately trying to save Mary and she's pops into like consciousness for a second and there's a demon there all real quick they use it

defibrillator at this point does that fix a gunshot wound to the head would you would you use a defibrillator? Well no the foam type one dohap is what it's the gunshot wound and okay the sparring helmet is for the gunshot wound and that was just for fun I know I believe actually that that would be accurate that you know like any time that you flatline they might. You could go to cardiac arrest or flatline because of the blood loss or the insurance. I think, I, you know, fuck divide no.

But as much as this movie fucks up, I think they may have gotten that part right. Differentiated aren't even real. That's just a thing for movies. Practically, practically bringing people back to life with them is basically a thing for movies. And yeah, they bring her back to life. And is is basically a thing for movies and that yeah They bring her back to life and then they're like we're not gonna. Let you die watch that monitor

Like what is he tell like as in like see vital signs? Don't be a bitch You are but he says watch that monitor and then she fat lives and I wanted so badly for the scene to extend in the female and EMT to be like No, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop. Stop it. No, I hope she got to see her flatline Instagram Altavista So then she wakes up in hell oh So then she wakes up in hell.

Oh my fucking god, I had no idea we were gonna get this fucking crazy, but you know what, we've watched so many going to heaven when you die movies. It's about fucking time we get to go into hell when you die movie. Exactly. And hell, let's talk about hell. You're all wrapped in chains. Yep. You are clothed. Nice. You have a weird like saw a trap on your mouth

Put like not to like standard job on bear trap. It's like it's like a night brace from the orthodontist But like spiky. Yeah Clearly how they made that yes It is your outfit is like an 80s pop star. Yeah. And apparently she's in like, she's in the waiting room of hell. I would tell you had a lot of questions. Yeah.

No idea. So she's, she wakes up in hell. She got this thing strapped over her mouth. So she starts looking out these little holes in her cell or whatever. There's screams on the background. And she peeks through and she sees a bunch of hell stuff. Now it's kind of hard to describe the hell stuff that she sees. We're going to try because that's our job, dammit.

The first thing- Oh, that's what these notes must be. I'm trying to figure out what I fucking wrote here. All right, I'm about to describe what the fuck's happening in his scene. I was so confused. Yeah, the first thing I have is a centabyte is having an orgasm above her great. A heart is duct tape to a wall. There's a dog in the waiting room somewhere.

Somewhere that he's farting. I thought that was kind of pleasant. We never saw that thing. I thought that was kind of pleasant. I wonder what that dog did, right? Was he in the fight with the kangaroo right before? I don't know, but yeah. All dogs go to heaven. There's no way that dog.

Maybe he started in lower hell. And now he got promoted. Maybe this is heaven and we just we've been lied to. Yeah, so okay. And then next to her, suddenly a person gets lowered upside down, hung from chains, all burned to shit, and looks partially decomposed. Okay, I have a burn victim thing.

Okay, yeah, right, right. So yeah, we're on the same page. At that point, I have a Muppet Lepper eats him. Is that what we like? Did a Muppet Lepper eat the burn victim? You guys remember space balls? This is pizza the hut. That's what shows up.

I had predator from predator without his makeup on is watching. And then there's snakes or something. Well, yeah, I also had gigantic demonic spitball in case people didn't remember pizza the hut. But yeah, so this guy is screaming and get struck away. And we should point out that with the exception of this ridiculous pizza, the hot costume, everything else we're seeing is creepy as ever loving fuck, right?

I mean, this is like a legitimate, legitimately scary scene. Sans the Unidimensional 1940s alien masks. In the dog. And the tithed dog. Dog is cool. Exactly. He's in Hell just excited. Oh, there's a dog here.

Awesome. Where is he? Where is he? Get in here. You're so good. We're in a public sidewalk trying to get somewhere. But I'm going to get down here for five days, 10 minutes. Well, my girlfriend screams like an insane person.

You and your wife were just trying to go get some food, but you suddenly have two mentally handicapped people with you, desperately trying to pull them into the nearest bistro. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? We tripled back recently. We tripled back to catch the dog. It was so awkward.

And then we snuck across the street and walked past the Same person again on the other side of the street clearly seeing what we were doing. He's very embarrassing like a car chase like a car chase But it's an unsuspecting dog. We had like groucho marks glasses on and we did it again. It's no good So yeah, so but we'd ever see the dog we just hear it unfortunately. Instead we see the hung burned guy drug away. And now there's a demon panting behind her in herself, but it's okay, because he's being eaten to death from inside by a spider, I think, right, or face hugger. Maybe a face hugger, maybe face hugger. And now I just have like like, I don't know if I'm just

fucking with myself, because the next thing in my notes is, and now a puppet and a giant condom is above her. Yeah, I wrote nothing like a screaming torture puppet. So. Yeah, and also I believe there's a dinosaur behind her. Anyway, so something shows up at her cell and marches her down torture hall for a little while. Again, so I meant, I entered at this at the beginninges her down towards your hall for a little while. Yeah, I mean, I had to do this at the beginning, but I feel like hell needs a revamp.

I feel like there shouldn't be a part of eternal damnation where they're like, all right, come on, you got a 10 minute walk. Oh, it's the hallway. That's the skeleton shadow puppet show on your left, as you can see. So this is fun. We did some track lighting. It's purple, which is pleasant. Easy on the eyes.

Well, so I started wondering at this point, is this like, is this hell triage, or is this like an orchestrated, personal treatment that everybody gets? Really, the devil's like, okay. All right, for her, we're going upside down. Bird guy, zombie spider, demon, tadpole, and then bring her down torture hall

Okay, or is it just like a waiting room type situation? Right no idea It's just sitting there reading a copy of parents magazine Today, huh can someone come out and like rip my nipples off with some hooks or something That guy, but like I've been here for 20 minutes That guy, but like I've been here for 20 minutes. That's how. Honestly, the doctor's offices near me, in my neighborhood, way worse than the hell she's here with the doctor. Yeah, no, that's true, that's true.

I've been to a couple of dentist's office that could certainly compete. I light's magazine with a gay word find. This is why this is how we got down here. Yep, so it happens. So as she goes a little further down the hall, she sees the, and honestly, the silliness of the skeleton puppet show that Heath was talking about cannot be overstated, it is a series of those

like family dollar skeleton door hangs on sticks being like puppeted from behind orange paper. But they didn't show us, because they were that, they showed the shadow of that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So now she, okay, so she gets to the end of torture hall and then she's dragged into a fiery hole and where she's hog tied like one of Andy Wilson's boys or something. She's just like, they are now lying down. And somebody's just like, hey, hey, just like a scratchy hell voice. I want it to be like a mundane request.

Hey, can I find the differences picture with you? Can I do the same? Left and right. What's a six letter word for curious? Good. I get this Sudoku. So, yeah, and I had to point out at this point to myself like, huh, God put her here over tarot cards.

He's the good guy in their religion. That's interesting. So now, I should point out to that at this point, nothing bad has happened. Like it's unpleasant, right? Like there's some gross stuff, the screaming's got to get annoying. But up until now, right? Like there's some gross stuff, the screaming's gotta get annoying. But up until now she hasn't been like tortured or anything.

Yeah, we've flown Delta. Like we know. Yeah, exactly. And then just as I was writing that, of course, a poor man's sylon comes out, yes, there's a poorer version of a sylon apparently. And it comes out to molest her with its tentacles. Yeah, but not Not molest. He's just like I mean look

But it's definitely just like ah Touching touching not touching you not touching. Okay, I'm touching if I go to hell and there's dogs and Muppets and a tickle fight. I'm happy. I don't see what the problem is. I'm on the right path She just went to Heath's heaven. That's the problem He's sitting around in heaven with harps and like Dawson's Creek and he's like what the fuck is this? I think I'm in Mary's heaven and she's in mind guys. I'm got fucked up. There's like crosswords and grilled cheese sandwiches like I like this place a lot ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha She's been drugged into They ran out of ideas they did help for ten minutes they ran out of ideas like fuck Whips and fire hole fire hole. Yeah By the way, I want to go on record. I like Dawson's Creek to like the show

Like that was a weird thing for you to say Just heathen Dawson sitting on a boat come on In perfect unison. Come on. So. So. And by the way, that's all we get to hell. I hope we paid it a picture for you because we're done with it now.

Because at that point, she gets shocked back to life and she's in the ambulance again. Um, and she, she comes back to life and she screams really loud, right? Because she was in hell. And the doctor's like, huh, why would a dying girl scream? That's weird. Maybe she's screaming because she got fucking shot, you ass. It seems like the right time to scream. Yeah. But instead the fucking EMTs are just like,

so you think she went to Helen, came back? Yeah, I was like, she went to Helen, came back. Probably. It's right on Nickel. Second fire chamber? Yeah, probably second fire chamber. That's terrifying. That's who?

Who is Jesus? You want to be really, really high level patron for podcast? Yeah, I do. I really, really high level. This is weird. Why is this our profession? I guess we're bored a lot but we are crushing it on podcasts. English teachers and fucking EMT's man. You limit yours per month? No, I don't limit it. I never would. I don't limit it. If I limit it, I would lose my job and i would do it would stop short in my face would get caught in all the needles that's what happens

you never know that you know you know i mean if you drunk drive all of this should might happen so i not so yes they get into the hospital and at this point i want to like kind of just backup for a second and consider how much of the plot of this movie was completely pointless. Right like Natalie didn't matter, Chad didn't matter, Rick didn't, well Rick kind of mattered because he got him in the situation but

the tarot cars didn't matter, the fucking psychic line thing, the thing at that with the ironing didn't matter, the relationship, the little sister didn't matter, the crucifix, none of that shit mattered right? What if we name the things that did have a point? that would be a lot quicker Yes, we'll get through this little quicker condom up it condom up at dog in hell And oh by the way so okay, so to get her to the hospital and then we have to like establish the fact that Natalie did in fact die We should see like her grave and then we then we see a thing at her locker where people have left notes that just say, hey Natalie, see you in heaven.

Literally on loose leaf notebook paper, I'll see you in heaven. That seems inappropriate. Like, have a great summer and the rest of eternity, if you're dead. We'll see now, I was very disappointed because we got a shot of what's your name, Mary in Hell. I wanted to see a shot of Natalie in Heaven, just like all of a sudden we flash over to her pussy being slathered in a tele by a four-dicked Ryan Gosling. I mean, that's what I'm saying. We only have the Hell shot.

That's not fair. Alright, well, ruining your birthday. Idea, but I had for you. That's fine That won't be the last time you ruins this birthday. I have to return that costume. Oh I'll eat the Nutella, but now I have to return the costume. Yeah Got a lot of looks at Trader Joe's for you But I also want to point out by the way that like see you in heaven like it's a fucking yearbook signature thing, not a super healthy way to cope. You won't, they're dead. You

don't see them again. Anyway, so then we continue on with this little post death montage or whatever where we get dad reading Mary the Bible in the hospital. Oh, yeah, she's alive. She made it because of Chekhov's Acorn Cross. I guess. Yes. The bullet got stuck by an acorn and a popsicles. Popsicles, they're actually one acorn missing. Oh, is it really? Yeah.

I didn't notice that one. But yeah, she still has the acorn cross. The military should make combat gear with just like breast pockets full of crosses and bibles. There was actually a thing, a Bible that was sold as like being able to stopable. It couldn't, but there was actually a Bible I think that they sold like that at one point.

That, it couldn't. Yeah, I feel like that would be the first, that's bad. You gotta see. Yeah, that's the first line. And it's literally the only use of that book is like this book stops bullets. And if it doesn't, it's a bad. Now it's very literally useless.

Yeah. Yeah. Name of the wind. Nice, thick book stops bullets. Are we carrying your breast pocket? I don't know how bullets work. So, so now we catch back up with the snowy house in the Midwest where we started. You remember, everybody was getting cassette tapes, bringing it back full circle.

So Mary apparently is in a wheelchair now. So the cross deflected the bullet into her spine. It's like a dick move by God. I'm just saying, well, it was there. Her neck where all of the bandages were earlier, right? So she got shot in the throat and as paralyzed now. Okay. I don't see how the cross goes in and out if the crotch,

God's aren't. Yes. Or go back to the gun control. They're like, like here, nip it in the bud. So now she's cassette taping stuff for the beginning of the movie. And this monologue is my everything. Oh, she's just like, look, I was always like, oh, figure out this whole religious thing in a minute,

but you could die any second. You could die right the fuck now, right now. Any second. No, not now, but now. Now, oh, it's behind you. Yeah, right, that's the whole fucking thing. And she throws in like these weird lines, like she's like, I learned that death can't be measured

by heartbeats or brainwave patterns. I'm like, I'm sure can. Feel like you can't. I'm sure can. And also, like basically the message here is, I know Christian theology is right because I had a nightmare when I was dying and on a lot of drugs.

That's exactly. Let me tell you what religions are true because of my dreams. Also, now Natalie has to fuck me. Yes. Mary, but yeah. I told the private investigator and he was like, I'm not allowed to convey that message.

I don't want to get into it. A lot of drama. So yeah, and then she closes up, she's like, hell is real and eternity is long, like so long, like the longest sad. Like I was banking on the converting last minute thing, maybe the Christians should change that rule. That's a bad way to set it up. It's not good. And then basically she closes the whole monologue off of going like,

sure glad I'm not going to hell and then looks dead ass at the camera. Get it? Like you might be. Yeah. I'll just end it with. Whatever. Hi. Sounded nice. Want to meet that dog. And what's the lesson here? Like I don't get in a car with a drunk Latino and then get shot by Nazis trying to lynch him for fucking a white girl.

Unless you're good with God first. How is that helpful to anybody? Yeah, especially if you read tarot cards. Yeah, don't do that. Well, that's what fucked me up about this whole movie is because clearly they were trying to give you that whole moral message. It's like, oh, if you go to parties and lie to your parents,

bad things can happen, but this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna get into a ride with a drunken lethario with a tag with baseball bass, at least to a gunfight where you're inadvertently shot and momentarily sent to Christian Hell and then confined to a wheelchair! What? Is that the moral of this story?

Okay, fair and balanced, it actually made me think what if we are wrong? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Let's just be honest with ourselves. Maybe we just hedge our bets a little bit. I'm trying to think of a wager Some kind already put some chips down buddy. I'm all set He's like I didn't know they were fucking dogs hold on hold on I would just like to point out I feel like eternity and how would be better than just dying So like even even if it turns out I'm wrong, I'm probably like, you know, better off. Also, at some point a demon will have to interact with you when you're unhappy.

So who really loses there? Look at the strategy. Exactly, I feel like I'd get promoted. Right? Like I feel like I'd get into hell and like after about three weeks, they'd be like, you know, we should really get this guy just yelling at people.

The diatribe thing he was doing was really crushing it actually. Let's get him back up there. He has made 11 demons cry. 11. All right. So what I thought we would do is we maybe could take some inspiration from this movie and maybe offer our listeners some equally convoluted life advice. For example, never watch Christian movies

because you might drop your fidget spinner while you're watching it and then bend over to pick it up and hit your head and drag yourself unconscious and while you're out, somebody could come in and check you with a performance enhancing substance and ruin your chances to go pro. No. So you're point.

Proposal for a PSA. Okay, so just like life advice. If you're setting up a democracy, you're gonna be tempted to just count the votes, but you don't wanna do that. You need like an electoral college to make sure that people who went to real college don't get equal voting power as ignorant hillbillies.

You wanna make it better that way. I got to debate you guys on the electoral college at some point i'm just gonna go on i'm gonna mention the president win that debate i'm gonna mention i'm gonna point out that that has nothing to do with it absolutely does well not nothing i have to do with it i'm the judge i'm the middle two votes the center oh we win we win no Monarchy

King Obama I should say we're getting close to that you know, we don't you we have a Like we've pulled monarchy out for this year. It's not the crazy idea. Oh, post King Obama. He will kill you with a robot I'm gonna go with look if you don't patron your podcasts, you might end up with enough money for a nice vacation. And while on that vacation, you might accidentally slip, hurt your back. You might hurt your back, be unable to please your wife anymore. Your wife, she has a tormented affair with a cap-aware instructor. He decides he's in love with her and he decides he's going to take you out. Now you get wind of this obviously because you read her text messages before she goes to bed every night

And you find out the murders coming so you decide you're gonna beat him to it But unfortunately she deletes those text messages. There's no evidence when you kill him You go to jail for the rest of your life for killing this random innocent and Capoeir instructor and she testifies when she shouldn't have to but she testifies against you anyways So you know a patreon.com forward such awful. Otherwise you're in jail and you're... backerts? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Because if we're a review of M1028, that's not going to do it for the episode yet because we still need to convince ourselves to come back for more. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. The hangman's curse.

All right. So I watched the preview for this. The preview for this gives no indication whatsoever that it's a Christian movie. It sells itself as just a horror movie. Hmm. I have been told by many, many people that this is a phenomenal Christian twist on the horror movie and a real twist on the horror movie kid gets picked on genre. Awesome. All right. All right. Well, it should be fun one way or the other. I mean,

honestly, like the horror movie Christian horror movies tend to do that they tend to like to sneak the Christianity in and just oh maybe you'll see boobs Jesus you know so yeah that's kind of what I'm expecting so with that to look forward to we're gonna bring episode 107 to a merciful clothes once again a huge thanks to all the patreon donors that help make the show go if you'd like to cat yourself among the ranks you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash godawful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a 5 star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating aides, the skeptic rat and citation needed

available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email godawfulmoviesagemail.com Legal services for this podcast are provided by the offices of P. Andrew Torres. Our theme song was written in performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Traffs on Mars. Our other music was written in performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heath and right knee-line Bosnick. I'm no illusions promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Heath went on to agree with Ishmael Brown and suggests that we call this the animal house close from now on.

Noah was thankful Mary didn't wind up in that circle of hell where you have two assholes in your mouth because Dante was a disturbed mother fucker. Atheist art history teacher showed me how to earn extra credit. Oh yeah, she did. Art History teacher showed me how to earn extra credit. Oh yeah, she did. Yeah, yeah, she put that tight bun, just lets it down and she shakes her hair out. Oh, take that pencil out or the chopsticks, love it.

Wait, now pencil? Pencil chopsticks to hold the thing oh to hold the hair okay What did you think I was talking about you were talking about getting the pencil in if if we're no Good at that shit we should just have a podcast where we count to ten That's what we at this point We count to 10. We, that's what we left. At this point. One of our bad, we'll save a place.

Things will make money. Yeah. One, two, three, Dike, five, five, six, he, seven, eight, yeah. Yeah. Nine Nazis. Ah, ah, ah.

I didn't like it. Counting Nazis with Heath. That was fun, shall we? Yeah, nine Nazis Counting Nazis with Heath That was fun. Show. We just did our I think we just did our pilot that's the pitch If you'd like match dot com what do you think? Aryan brotherhood dot com the podcast podcast. Sorry. Be a blood trader. Plenty of ArianBrotherhoods.com. All right. We should have a less Nazi outtake somewhere in this too

in this record so that we can use it in the show. All right, here we go. The Jews are cool. Yeah. Mail that. Mail go. The Jews are cool. Nailed it. The Jews are cool. Wait, no more time. Sorry. The Jews are cool. The Jews are cool. They're cool. Alright, we're cool, right Jews? Nope, it's too far. Now it feels weird again. Hey, hello. I didn't see you there All right, here we go All right, and then we'll go to the how do you say death in Hebrew?

Do you know give me one second to remember it? Understand when you toast it should be the opposite of Lechaim like it should be whatever is to death Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha In Arabic it doesn't give you a fanatic spelling of it or anything, it just gives you the Arabic and it's like, well fuck you! Two hamsters trying to talk through a wall, if I remember correctly. It's uh, two hamsters trying to talk through a wall. Okay. Well there you go. One of them is in the ice. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2017 all rights reserved. Proceeding podcast was a production of Buzz on a thunderstorm LLC,

Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.