God Awful Movies - 114: The Life Zone

Episode Date: October 24, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of The Life Zone; the story of a plucky group of kidnappers that saves unborn fetuses from the clutches of their evil, abortion-bent mothers-to-be. With Robert Loggia in it. --- Come see us in Australia! https://www.thinkinc.org.au/skepticon-australia/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

I Wasn't rape wasn't incest I I really just hate babies Pregnant on purpose when she meant hold me I had to have the baby though and that really gold me so you know I killed a baby out of feminist fight That's what you do Baby killing for feminist fight. Yeah, that's what pro choice means the end. That's the whole thing. That's the whole documentary we watched. Yep, yep. I didn't have a good reason it was just bloodlust.

Esk you or doctor, baby killing for feminist spite. It's super fun. God awful movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be I am mediator left as my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know who looks like a nine year old mopping of a fetus with Benjamin but disease. Robert Losea. Robert Losea does. He is in this goddamn movie. Oh my God. We'll get there. Oh my fucking God. Though and sitting 81 miles to my right. Of course, is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm so happy. Are you? We keep going down. We keep digging. We just keep digging. We think you hit the fucking bottom. It's like the Oak Island mystery. God damn it. Just fills up with water and you have to start again. Go to give the listeners a little behind the scenes here. We're about to record.

And I'm like, trying my damnedest to get everything set up quickly so that we can get the goddamn mics up and running before heathen Eli start talking about where they hit this fucking movie. Like guys, hold on, hold on. I'm not started yet. Robbing oddly polite like X's at a dinner party. Just like, heathen, good to see you.

Eli, how are you? How was your? No, no, just click buttons. So I am doing big, Eli. I'm doing big. How are you big? So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right. We watched the life zone. It's a pro life propaganda horror movie that should have been aborted in act one when, when everyone realized the writer was mentally disabled. And then it would have been a reason for the also act to an actor really any trimester would have been better than this, but it would have been ideal in act one when we found out he was mentally disabled. Honestly, A partial proportion would be in contraception against this movie would have been best for

everybody. And Eli, this is a big fucking question this week. Oh God. How bad was this movie? Oh God. That's okay. Hmm. Well If you loved red dragon and your Republican candidate who killed her daughter It's hostile To facts. It's hostile To facts, it's hostile to the craziest thing. I don't know any, how any part of this happened.

Any of them. We're going to talk about, I don't know how a second of this movie got made. I am baffled by every moment of it. I mean, at this point, I'm not surprised that this movie exists. I'm surprised it wasn't shot on a phone. You know, like we've watched movies this stupid, well on a phone. You know, we've watched movies this stupid, well, maybe not this, but we've watched this kind of movie, but they don't usually have fucking Robert Lozia in them. This would be like the fucking accidental

bar mitzvah, Stardinial Craig and Eric Baina. So, okay, quick list here. I've written a few of these down. This movie contains Robert Lozha, you know, from Big and Scarface. And over the top. And over the top. Yes, exactly. Also, and I didn't see him in the movie. I just saw him in the credits and on IMDb, apparently Charles Durning was in this movie, you know, from the sting. Oh, brother, where out now tootsie and of course the life zone. Do you need not read scripts?

I'm sorry. Everything you could take. Also, Lindsey Han from Village of the Dam Shrooms, Exquisite Corpse 1 and 2. Also, Angela Little, you know, from Busty Cops too, and Larry the cable guys, Hula Polusa, Christmas, Lew out. I knew I recognized him. Okay. Did not catch that.

Good catch. And if you'd like to hear us review Larry the cable guys, Hula Polusa, you can sign up at patreon.com forward slash. Oh, God, damn it. That's on the list. Now, isn't it? Absolutely. I had a deep we're back. So I would sooner do this Joan Bonaire am the episode of citation needed. I think. So I but but like seriously, all jokes aside, they're, no,

I'm sorry, this is a joke. There are three Oscar nominations in this cast. People, is this, I don't, again, this is gonna come up a lot, and I apologize, I don't understand how that happened. They raised the scripts, right? Did they need it? Couldn't have had that much money. So I don't understand, like what was Robert Loge doing that weekend where he was like sure

Robert He's got the live zone and then sure this thing I can't I don't know And now I'm like well, they should be on our show As I don't mind if the rules change right right? Like now the presidency doesn't matter, right? If Nick's here, we elect a cat to be president. I'd be like, sure. Because that doesn't matter anymore. But now Robert Lozier, like, has to be my friend for a day.

He's doing this as long. I'm sure you can get that for 90 bucks, I'm thinking. Jesus Christ. Well, but you know, I gotta say though, honestly, there are a lot of ways where I think the script itself seemed to disguise the point of this movie here and there. So I wouldn't be surprised at all if like a lot of that, like man on the street shit was added after

Lozho agreed to it. Yeah, because it's a way better movie without like, I agree. Well, it's a a way better movie without like that. It's a way less offensive movie without it, right? So if you, if you, if you create this movie or you, you, you present the script in such a way as to take all of the propaganda out, it's just a horror movie about abortion. And I can see how you could sell that script to, you know, Charles Durning in Robert Lozia as such. I don't know. Maybe I'm just desperately trying to hold on to some respect for these guys. Yeah, the page with just their lines on it. I like this. It's the script. No. No. No. All right. I mean,

fucking right. Yeah. These lines are fine. Why do I keep saying yes and I agree? I agree. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show.

I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show.

I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. I think we're going to call him a show. one for being the best at being the worst at. Yeah. Um, best worst straw man montage. At one point, we get a montage of pro choice people, like given their opinion, like you're talking about the man on the street things. And they're all like, yeah, I just feel like, you know, if a woman can't stab a fourth trimester fetus with an ice pick, then what was the average moving all about? It's funny is when you said best worth straw straw man montage, I was like, which one? Yeah.

I had the same thing. There's a straw man montage in this movie that is introduced by characters who are like, well, this is bullshit, but we should probably pretend that these are good ideas in this movie. There are characters in this movie who need to clarify that they don't believe the ideas they're about to say to as the tromen of ideas they don't think. I can't even, it's like if I created seven Twitter accounts and just started fighting with myself forever, forever. And then they made a movie about it. The movie, yeah, exactly. I wanted to go with, I don't know if either of you guys saw this, but I wanted to go with

best worst misleading movie poster. Did you guys see the movie poster? Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. It looks like the clawing faces. Yeah, well, it's like, it's like, it shows a woman's pregnant stomach and it shows like a baby trying to claw its way out or something from inside.

So it or Donald Trump, it's not clear. But it was not sold as a propaganda film, right? Like if you looked at that movie poster, if you looked at the description of the film and everything, you would not know you were going in to see anti abortion propaganda. You think you were watching a horror movie about pregnancy. Yep. And it is very hard to find an honest description of this movie.

And yeah, they have done an excellent job of being like, yeah, you know, some women trapped in a basement. Are you pregnant women? And there's a scary Christian. Yeah, Robert Losea. Robert Losea. Ah, as in Robert Lose. So I have to go and this is important.

So I need to clarify something and then I need to give my best work. So the answer is best worst twist. I'm going to spoil it for you right now. The twist of this movie is that all the characters are in hell. Oh yeah. But that means that it is also best worst hell. Hell is sitting around eating snacks, watching Christian movies for nine months.

Yes, my mind. And then that's our life. We're in hell. We're in hell. Hell. Hell. Yeah. That's our life. We're in hand. We're in hell. Yeah, it's good to get that out of the way up front because it's one of those twist endings that like if you think about it for two seconds afterwards, like, wow,

that doesn't make any fucking sense at all. So it's better to just have that through out, you know, I cannot handle. I have thought about that twist ending so many times. I've referred the next three days. And here's the thing, we watch it and you're like, I want a stupid twist ending. And then last night at four in the morning, I was awake being like, how would they get a message from their families? Does their families know how would they get to those two girls get released from hell?

Or are they just getting an ass in them? And I have been trying to justify, and here's the thing, the writer didn't do that. The writer wasn't, I wonder why this movie makes sense. You should've, like, no, I'll send, I'll send that off to Robert Luzia, but I will take a lot of the blood for the rest of my life until blood comes out of my ears and I'm dead.

Oh, that's not at all. The reason blood was coming out of my ears by the end of this fucking thing, but it's got something for everybody, I guess. All right, well, I guess I need to take a couple of really deep breaths before we start talking about the nonsensical argumentation in this movie. So we're going to pause for a quick break and when we come back, we'll dive into all the righteous felonies that are the life is old.

Robert, Robert Loseau. Oh, oh, my God. Robert Loseau. Robert Loseau. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Okay, sorry. Not a hugger. No, me, my God. I haven't lost it. Hey, don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Okay, sorry. Not a hugger. No, me neither. Cool. I got to tell you, Mr. Losey, can I call you Robert? No. Okay, Mr. Losey, yeah, keep it professional.

I get it. We are so excited to have you for this movie. I'm calling my dad right now. Dad. Dad, listen to who I'm talking to. Listen. Look, look, shut up. I read you, shitty script. It's the worst thing I've ever read. It's the worst thing anyone's ever

read. And I worked for Harvey Weinstein. It's a dad. I'm going to call you back. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. I had a new boat and I'm missing a payment. So I'll be in your movie on two conditions. Anything you want. Let me stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. One, you have 15 minutes with me, total, ever in your entire life. Two, I do my entire performance from this room and from this chair. Deal. Awesome. It's pleasure to be working with you, sir.

Real pleasure. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Nope, nope, not a handshaker. I get it. I get it. Sorry. Sorry. not a hand shaker, I get it, I get it, sorry, sorry. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

And we're back for the breakdown. And we're gonna start off with the most hand-tipping production logo I can recall in history. This movie was brought to us by Justice for All Productions. I mean, they could have put all in italics to make it a slightly more hand-tip. But yeah. It's a hand holding a scale might as well be a fetus hand sticking out. Oh, holding a scale. It's ridiculous.

And so, okay, so this is a horror movie. So we start off with the uninspired music box opening. Yep. Nothing scarier than a music box, maybe a kid singing into a music box. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, obviously it felt like they were going to pan over and this could be just like a serial killer playing the xylophone for the kindergarten class. He just murdered.

Yeah, I had them all propped up. He's in a much better movie. That's where this goes. Yeah. Instead we get a porcelain angel and I killed the whole scary thing they were going for. And the credits is suddenly looks like a really bad garage sale On the wall of Jesus like someone is a fan Right

It's like some teenage girl kicking her feet on the bed looking up at the Jesus poster. Yeah What was scary to me anyway was that scale that should have it the weight room at school. It's very traumatizing for me. It was like you're moving the little one there and we can all see you need to move the big one, dude. You're fat. Let's go. Three up. I might be a nine.

I could be a nine. You don't know. No, you're like, it seemed like a good way to weigh people. We should just, why don't you, I'll do it. And I'll tell you, you need to move the big one like four clicks. You're doing the little one one click. Go faster. And well, the other thing to it, we've seen so much of these, these Christian movies

that start with weird, crazy Christian room. It would be like starting a pro scrapbooking movie with the credits from seven. They don't get. They're like, they must watch these movies, watch the exercise and go, Oh yeah, Christian stuff. Who are? Yeah. I convinced somewhere, the like illuminati who run Hollywood are dedicated to show all possible rooms to creepy music. And it's just like a living room. Eventually,

it's just going to be like a costume shop in Bale, New Jersey. Do we have everybody that come out? Everyone starts taking a big bow. Yeah. Well, this one, this time they got to check Harvey Weinstein's basement off their list, I guess. See, I had a hospital in Puerto Rico. You know, the fuck's up thing is we're recording this like two weeks in advance, but I still

think that that joke is going to be relevant. Oh, absolutely. That's scary. I mean, we can't stay there forever. Yeah. Anyway, so what we've got here, we're in a like creepy like hospital basement or something. There are three young women in beds. One of them wakes up sitting straight up just so they could trigger me earlier.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so someone explained the motivation here. Her first instinct upon waking up in this strange room is to try the TV. Yeah, she's like, she's like, where the fuck am I? Did somebody steal my kidney? What's on TV though?

Maybe Rachel's mad at Ross, but they were on a break. What's going on? No way. There's something on the news about me and why I'm where I am. Oh, God, did I miss? Did I miss the Orville? I better not have. You could take my kidney, but I swear to God, if I missed the premiere, my friends posted a bunch of game of throwing spoilers. Oh, you better hope I'm locked in this basement for the rest of eternity. So we need to talk about this girl's physical appearance. She looks like Noah dressed up as Pamela Anderson for Halloween.

She looks like blonde lip injection Barbie. Yeah. Yeah, she was pretty hot. If that's what you meant. Yeah. So when the TV doesn't work, she's like, you know what, fine, fuck it. I'm done with this creepy saw kidnapping scenario. I'm leaving. But as she's walking to the door, she slips and falls down because nothing, nothing, because

she's in a horror movie. She's like, mimes running upstairs that aren't there. So she finds out the door is locked. And just as she does, there's a scream, which then gives way to the title, you know, the life zone. So apparently the scream came from one of the other girls that just woke up and is now covered in blood. Settle. Settle. He's going with subtle.

Also, there's a genuinely comical moment here where girl wakes up and she's like, covered in blood, subtle, subtle. She's going with subtle. Also, there's a genuinely comical moment here, where girl wakes up and she's like, where am I? And the other girl's like, I don't know. And they're like, just they're both just like, why are we yelling? Yes. It's genuinely fun. Like, and they're not trying to be, but if you know, if you know, comedy, it would be

genuinely brilliant. Yeah, the two of them are yell talking. And there's a third girl that, that seems comatose over on off to the side. And when the second girl that woke up, I'm going to go ahead and give them names. The first girl is Laura. She's the blonde. There is Natalie. She's the Brunette and Stacey is the redhead who is currently combatose. So Natalie Caesar and just runs up and starts shaking her and screaming at her to wake up. Why won't you wake up? Like she's mad at her. Like we were supposed to wake up on that same time. That was the role. So and then just then a TV, not the TV that Laura tried to turn on mind you a different TV that's also in this room.

Click on and Robert Loja is there. Robert Loja because he'd be damned if he was going to go into the room where they were filming this movie. All of his parts will come on a TV piped into the film. And also he had, he's got a desk in front of him. And he's got a scotch in every scene. Yes. A scotch, a cigarette case, I think, a medieval warlock's pencil jar.

And a tiny little treasure chest. A little tiny treasure chest. Yes. So at this point of thinking, what the fuck is about to happen? I'm so curious at this point in the movie, they don't get to it. No, there's never a reason. Well, I could shed a little light. I guarantee you the Scotch and cigarettes, not in the screenplay. They were just some PA who wasn't brave enough to say you promised you'd stop smoking when the camera was on. So yeah, so he backends them over and I love to this is how stupid the fucking writing in this movie is he's like, Laura, come here. And Natalie come hither. Hither he says. So good. And then he calls for Stacey, who by the way is Stacey Horowitz.

So, you know, Jewish, which is the most realistic part of the movie. I don't know a lot of listeners won't be inside this, but Jews have a ton of abortions. And people think that's a joke, but it's really all the Jewish listeners right now are like, yeah, no, we do. We have a ton of abortions. It's just, it's a pretty cool thing. Do you? Cudon Richard Spencer going, not enough though, huh?

Not enough. Do you know, you asked Kenny, you just be like, how do you feel about abortion? And they're like, eh, it's ever, that's the general Jewish thing in the board. And just saying, eh, sometimes you got to get an abortion. All right. You got to kill a team. He's like, well, fuck, I'm just wasting money on these Congress. Um, now, he, so okay.

So he says, now, like he gets them all gathered together, awake, stay, see up or wherever he's like, now you're probably wondering who I am and who each other are and where you are and why you're where you are and who's next to where you are. It's so ridiculous. I really want to just keep going and do all the permutations of the question words. Yes. And where are you? Why and who how are you? Yes. Because the literal quote is you're probably wondering where you are and why you are, but he pauses. Yeah. Cause he says why you are where you are, but he's just as why you are.

And I want it to be like, so let's talk Plato. This is some life as far as things. This is going to take a while, by the way, you kidnapped and you're in hell because you had abortions. But to be man, there's a, there's a line, right? There's the idea of human. And then there's the actual pageant Stacy. I know you're Jewish, but come on. And then he turns to Laura. And he goes, Laura, why don't you explain the plot from here? My contract has a very strict word count. We're close. And he dips the fuck out. And then go swallow

some more gravel. You finished And we should point out at this point because it's pretty important to the movie. Laura and Stacy are Pretty decent actresses. They're not amazing. No, they're certainly not amazing, but Natalie. Oh my god. Is that special form of actress that we've only found in Christian movies. There's a line has a truck size gap while she remembers it's her turn to talk. So she'll be like, I don't know, were you in a hospital?

Oh, yes, I also was in hospital full of bright lights and magical American medicine that you all use. He's good. So I want to point out that this this actress was listed as like an executive producer and like three other things in this movie. So yeah, she bought her away and when she haan earned her way in from that amazing performance in shrooms, obviously, but, but no, Natalie just bought her away in. So we go around about this for a while, but eventually they realized that they were all

about to have abortions last thing that they could remember. Right. And just then the door opens. There's a lady doctor there and she goes, yes, you were all about to have abortions right before you came here. They're like, yeah, why didn't we, we already did that reveal? Why are you doing it now? This makes no sense.

Well, she comes in and she goes, you were all gonna murder your babies. But we'll see. Yeah. Right. Right. Okay. So, yeah, this woman is there to tell them that they were about to have abortions. So she kidnapped them. Her and Robert Lotion, some convoluted thing

where he has to stay in a different location. Um, they, they kidnapped him and brought them to an abandoned hospital and are going to force them to give birth to those fetuses. That's the plot of this movie. That's the good guy in this movie. Yeah. It could be where. And the thing is, at this point, the movie, again, if you had nothing to go by on, but the IMDB description of the movie poster, you would not realize that you think, oh, that's a creepy idea for a movie, a crazy Christian called the kidnaps women who are trying to get abortions and forces them to give birth. I can't wait to see this

woman eviscerate the doctor, lady, that them to give birth. I can't wait to see this woman eviscerate the doctor lady that kidnapped her. Right. I can't wait for their eventual escape or that. No, no, no, no. No. This will be the good guy. Yep. The doctor who kidnapped the lady is and is forcing her to give birth. Yes, forcing her to give birth is the good guy in this movie. As close as we're going to get to one, yeah, well, her and Robert Lozia, yeah. Yeah. I love to that. Like one of our first lines is she's like, Lara, the strongest of the three. And someone off stage is going off cameras going like that's the character description.

Never mind. When there's parentheses, you don't just go ahead. And this is where we get the phenomenal first straw man argument between Lara and Dr. Wise, you know, because this movie's super subtle. And Lara, who by the way is doing a mean impersonation of Lucinda. I don't think that's very nice. She's like, you put a constitutional rat. And then Dr. Wise is like,

what about your baby's rights? And Laura's like, pretty sure I didn't kidnap my baby motherfucker. Ha ha ha ha. Am I being detained? Yeah, obviously. I'm like, kidnap to you. That's the whole thing.

I also love the way she throws out like, which is basically like, you know, you took away my rights. And she's like, what about the child's rights? What about God's rights? God's rights. God's rights. You know, who doesn't need their rights protected?

I'm nipotent people. I'm nipotent people. I'm nipotent people don't need rights. Oh God, a flash cut to God on an episode of cops just outside of gass and sit based pressed against the car window. I want my lawyer. I ain't saying shit. I'm saying shit. The moment you're going to talk to me, you're going to talk to me, you're going to make this harder for your son.

Just take me in. Just take me in. What happened was I, what happened? I don't know. Just take me in. Let me get cigarette. So and also I want to point out that like right away, the Natalie character, the terrible actress character, the actress that manages to look bad next to Angela Little and Lindsey Hawn is saying,

like, I don't know, maybe abortion is murder and, and, and I didn't want to kill my baby anyhow. I'm going to be the Stockholm syndrome character from here on out. And here's the thing. She would be interesting if she had a twist, right? I thought, okay, she's playing along, but she's going to be the one who secretly has been planning all along and like helps them escape and gets them out. Nope. Yeah.

Nope. Being kidnapped instantly changes this moment's instantly. Like she wakes up and she's like, yeah, you're probably right. That's a really good point. Yeah. Yeah. And also, this is going to be a running theme at least in my notes. Why is no one murdering the doctor, lady? Right. There are three of them that she has no weapon. She is an undefended. There are plenty of them that she has no weapons. She is an undefended. There are plenty of heavy objects to lay in around later. We will see that they have access to knives, boiling water, and no one ever thinks, hey,

you know, we could, well, I mean, eventually they at least talk about it. But at this point, right, this is how long you would have to get into your explanation of why you kidnapped me before I murdered you. Yeah. Oh my God. Crazy billionaire remake. Oh my God. Crazy billionaire remake.

It's Noah. It's just 90 minutes of him attacking Dr. Wise with a problem. You know, you just tell you why you're kidnapped. I don't care. Roll in a new TV every scene. And he breaks it. Fuck, man. I'm on. Damn.

You don't grow on trees, you know. Yeah. The flat. There's a 4K. Come on. And then we learn. So we learn the plot and everything. And then we learn that the filmmakers here went to the Ray Comfort School of getting to feature length. Because this is where we'll

get our first of many man on the street abortion video propaganda things. Oh my God, it's so funny. And you know what's a really bad idea going up to strangers and asking about abortion. Although I got to point out my favorite person ever is the black woman they ask here, who is like, no, I don't know, I kind of like the abortion thing. I kind of, I can't. the abortion thing. She clicks into like a tickles, she had tickles a little, you know, look warm on murdering babies. I'd give it a seven, medium fun, medium fun. Like the abortion thing, you know, you draw a hot bath, get a glass of like a, suck a baby out of your poo.

It's a good, it's a fun night with the girls. Have you ever done those like fun pottery classes and then you all get abortions together? It's like, I don't know. I'm excited. That's fun. And what cracks me up, and this will be a running theme through the movie. They have no idea what a person who has no moral compunction about

abortion would say in any moment, except constitutional right. Right? Like, that's the only thing that they know of as an argument on the other side. So they'll just have people say that over and over again. And then when they're trying to do otherwise, they'll have them like using the language of pro-lifers, right? Like the woman who says, well, I don't think babies should be killed, but I like having the right to do it. I'm on the fence. That's her actual line. Right? Like they don't even know how to

write it in such a way as to not have baby and killed in the same sentence. Oh, guys, so great. And also they can't even like, they can't even pose the constitutional right thing right? Because they always have to be like, well, I'm pro choice because I believe the words you can have an abortion are in the constitution. That is exactly what I believe. And where I shown otherwise, I would stop being pro choice. I'm abortion, and then we have to get this guy, the dude who's like, you know, hey, baby murder is gonna murder babies, you know, that's what they're made for. This guy's my favorite. He's just like, look, if they don't like, I'm Tony D from babies, babies, babies, and

if she doesn't like it, she's gonna throw it down the stairs. Show it back up in the air and weasel hot or something. You know better to have a doctor do it. It's gonna go falling down the stairs with it. If you don't let her have an abortion. And by the way, just in case you're not disliking these filmmakers enough, there's one little Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And okay, so and now the doctor lady comes in to put an end to that nonsense for a moment. And this is where we sort of introduce this. G Stacy sure is being a bitch about this kidnapping theme that's going to run through the entire film as well.

Oh, God, it is so funny because this movie obviously wants us to be like, well, I mean, Stacy could at least hear her out. Yes. It's like a teacher tone like Stacy, wouldn't you like to come up to the chalkboard and participate in your abortion? Education. Well, one of you do it. She literally comes in and she says, and this is a real quote, democracy is wonderful. It's good to know we can have all sorts of different opinions.

A kidnapper. You know, because of people's opinions. Well, yeah, exactly because she's even like, you know, God gives us free will. Isn't free will great? I mean, I took it away from you guys and all, but still God's the shit, isn't he? By the way, this is Dr. Victoria Wise, we learn here. Yes, subtle. Dr. Jean, every woman, good guy, positive smart, MDO, no BGYN.

And this is where she does my favorite thing. It happened a little earlier in the movie in one of the interviews, but she does my favorite thing that happens in every anti choice movie where a bro choice woman goes, oh, well, I think that a woman should have a right to choose. And Dr. Wise goes, I'm a woman. Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. When you know that participation in a group doesn't mean that no one else in that group cares about their

rights, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, look, they paid me to say these words. So obviously it's not sexist. Right. Obviously if a woman thinks it, then all women think it. Why would I want to take away a right that I, why would I want to take away a right

that I have? Oh, that doesn't make any sense. Wait a second. Oh, I get it. I'm stupid and indoctrinated, but I think that by having a vagina, people won't know that, oh, that's funny. That's fine. I'm trying to pray on the sensitivity of the people who disagree with me, but it doesn't work if you think, show up. Nobody thinks. agree with me, but it doesn't work if you think, she'll hope nobody thinks. Well, like a dead one black soldier walks up to the front of the Civil War and they're all like, okay, it's black Confederate soldier. Everybody's like, yeah, work.

Good. They make a good point. I also love here. This is the moment where like Lara decides to like pretend to agree with Doctor Wise, like in hopes that she'll let her go. She's like, yeah, no, I sure have learned my lesson. I won't kill my baby now. But Laura, I sure have learned something today. Yeah, right. But the actress is so terrible that like, she's clearly trying to do bad acting here,

but it's indistinguishable from her regular acting. And I could see I just should imagine the director going, no, just like you normally do. It will be fine. Trust me. Wait, do normal. Okay. Now do, oh god damn it.

I'm just fucking whatever. I don't know. Do keep rolling. We'll go. This is also where we learn that Laura is a lawyer. She's a, well, not just a lawyer. She was top of her class and homecoming queen. I like these top of her class, by the way, at all miss law school.

Like you could have said any school, why pick the 19th ranked law school in the country? Top of your class at Trump University. Well, it doesn't give out diplomas, gives out experience that many would say is worth more number of years at the bottom of the screen. And this movie cannot stop its anti-intellectualism bent because she goes, I don't see what relevance that has. And Dr. Wise is like, oh, relevance, you in your fancy law words. Yes. relevance to which Laura is like, do you not know the word relevance? It's in the other dictionary. Just that's just like a word in all the day. Just a word people use. One would call it very relevant to this conversation. What now? Are you a witch?

Natalie's buying it, right? Natalie's like, no, see, Laura's changed her mind. And the doctor doctor wise is like, no, she's using an intelligent psychological maneuver. And I'm like, no, that is not what intelligent means. This whole movie is everyone on Twitter with an anime profile pictures version of debate. Just, uh, you say that, but no, cock. Retweet my own tweet. The movie. Yeah, and Dr. Wise is doing that like slow motion room pacing lawyer speech thing. She's like, Lara, is it not true that you do slow motion pacing the room lawyer? As your profession.

Yeah, you're a professional liar. Why would I believe anything you have to say? Oh, delicious. And this is where Dr. Wise, she turns it over to pre-taped Robert Lozius. We have three more minutes of Robert Lozius time now. So everyone, uh, and honestly, uh, so we didn't mention this when it happened the first time, but this character, his little thing is like, he, he won't let anyone talk while

he's talking. And I bet that's not in the script. Right? Every time so we tried to deliver a line, I bet he was just like, shut up, I'm talking. And then kept going. He's like, I buddy was just like, shut up, I'm talking. And then kept going. He's like, I'm plowing through these fucking lines, people. I said 15 minutes, motherfucker. And by the way, he rearranged those same four ridiculous objects on his desk this time.

It seemed like Robert Lose was like, yeah, I'll do the movie, but I'm in the middle of a magic spell. You got to film around it. I'm doing a pagan ritual. You figure it out. This is also where we learned that they've, they've been implanted with self-destruct mechanisms in their necks using laser surgery.

Yeah. You know, laser surgery. That's not what laser mean. What do they think lasers do? They're shooting a chip into you with a laser. It's a laser. It's a chip made of laser that turns it blooms out into physical reality after the laser beam is inside what they fuck they cut you open with the late like this giant hole out

the front of her head. No, we know those lasers that stops about halfway. It doesn't go all the way. They do have. Yeah, that is how laser surgery works. But yeah, but they're picturing like a lightsaber. Yeah. As the surgically measured.

Now I feel attacked. You can do the rest of the same. Some of us don't know as much about lasers and some of us didn't think that was ridiculous. Is the rest of us trying to play along. And this is what I get for trying to join in. You feel super silly when we go to the bagel sandwich section and me and Heath know all about it. What is this food of which you speak? So, but also not only do they not know how lasers works, they also

don't know how implantable self-destruct mechanisms work either. I guess. No. Because she's like, if you try to go too far, an electric shock will knock you unconscious, but it won't hurt the baby. But it absolutely will hurt the baby. It's an electric invisible dog fence thing that will knock you out. And apparently she says like inject something into your blood. Yeah. The absolutely hurts the baby.

Yeah, right, right. But that is not how consciousness babies or electricity work. I wanted them next scene just to all be having spider portions via dog fence. We're just like, time into it. one of them next scene just all be having spider portions via dog fence. I was the other thing and I wrote this it very early on in my notes. I'm just like, if I was Stacy, I just be steadily throwing myself off of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, look, I'm on the bed.

Now I'm not. Yeah. Anyway, and we'll apparently we'll go back to that. Yeah. And by the way, that electronic dog fence thing does not stop them from killing Dr. Wise. Nope. Having abortions and then just hanging out in the book.

Yeah. Show and show and Robert Lozier their butthole every time you pierce on TV. Cover that webcam and feces and enjoy your blood underground. I don't know if you reward Robert Loasher with the but holes in the future. So okay, now the movie pauses from all of this to show you scenes of what real horror movies might look like. With one line of change. Yeah. Their version of horror imagery is a skinned pig, scary centipedes and black people, black people just being black, just black people. Not again, doing anything in particular. I cannot emphasize enough how they have absolutely included in this horror montage. People who live in Africa.

Yeah, no, it's the video they subjected those kids in Charlie and the chocolate factory too in the tunnel plus black people. It's, yeah, it's and Hitler and Hitler. Hitler, yeah, Hitler bugs skulls vampires, just a guy in Africa hanging out. More bugs Hitler again. I learned it. It's crazy. I was waiting for them to get rigged up like clockwork orange, but it's just a never-ending loop of loving the bad man over and over.

Stem cells getting water-borted. That's pretty close. Yeah. And then, okay, apparently this was a simultaneous nightmare that all three of them were having. And we learned this when all three of them sit up out of the nightmare as though this movie was just specifically fucking with me. They might as well be holding signs that say, fuck you and no. So this is where they, they blatantly start like trying to figure out like, oh, why wouldn't these chicks just leave? Why wouldn't they just beat that woman about the head and neck

for a bit and then leave? So, so they have this whole like, should you think we should try to take out Dr. Wise? No, that would fuck up the rest of the script. It clearly doesn't say we do that later. So they're just strangler with the umbilical cord. See, see what happens. Also, there's a bunch of moments that they like, look, if you're making an anti abortion propaganda film, you probably shouldn't have a scene where the characters discuss the fact that people who share your beliefs constantly bomb abortion clinics and murder doctors. Right. You wouldn't want to associate your site like it.

Wait, there's a movie where we're trying to convince people to not believe in God. We wouldn't be like, hey, don't steal Dave's parking space. Let me tell you right now. He's a detective invention. Well, and by the way, that follows the line from Natalie where she says they won't hurt us, their Christian. But I have a theory on why that kind of shit was included, right? Because I think that the director, producer, whatever was trying to convince a number of

people involved with this film that it wasn't an anti-abortion movie, right? They even say like the doctor, doctor, why is this? You will hear arguments from experts on both sides of the issue. Well, you're here kidnapped in my torture dungeon for a while because I think that the act or the producer, whatever wanted to be able to tell the actress, no, no, it's not an anti abortion movie. It's just a movie about abortion. And so by like, including lines like that, they're trying to like, you know, be able to later sell it to theaters or, well, I'm sure no theaters carried this movie, but they're trying to, you know, maintain the ability to sell this as something other

than anti abortion propaganda by including, because there's like three or four instances where they do that where they're like, this isn't pretty good argument against this, isn't it? Uh, by the way, that line by Dr. Wise, he'll hear from experts on both sides. No, you will hear from Christians pretending to be on the other side, but never an actual expert. Yeah. No, if you, if you watch the fucking credits in this fucking movie, you'll find out that

the man on the street interviews are like the makeup lady, the rigors, you know, it's to from this film. And that, of course, is because for any of the arguments in this movie, you could wake an abortion advocate out of a sound sleep and be like, well, why do you think you're not a like a change? And they would give arguments that totally debunked this entire stupid fucking movie. It's like, no, it's not a question of as you're presupposing that it's a baby. It's like the prior actor movement, right? Where does God be good? It's the same thing except you're moving it forward. You're making the same foul. So you're just doing it in a different direction.

Why'd you wake me? I'm having a good. I Google that. You have a, you have the internet or your full, man, you have to wake me up. Speaking of which we now cut to two random guys talking about abortion. Now one of these two guys is Ken Daveccio, the writer of this film. He would be the fat sloppy fuck who doesn't stop eating during this scene And now I'm jealous why can't we eat we talk I want to do review this whole scene while me and he's eating entire bucks. Oh fucking juffa cakes. You know what I'm thinking about this movie? Oh. So he does not.

There's no reason for this character to be eating. He's eating food. He's eating devil eggs the whole time. They're devil eggs. We're watching this guy clearly win a bet about how many deviled eggs he can put it in his mouth right before a scene and do the scene. This loose egg flying everywhere like a wood shipper for this entire fucking scene. It's ridiculous. Oh my god. And it is though that was just there to distract us from how stupid the argument that's going on was right. All right. So first, let's, let's just plow through the fact

that in this movie, the characters are watching an even less interesting movie. Let's just plow through that for the moment and discuss the actual discussion. These two guys have it. These two guys, both at the beginning of this conversation admit that they're against abortion and then they're like, but let's argue it out as though one of us was in favor of abortion. And that guy then lights a cigarette. Yeah. Literally. Oh, I'm okay. Got got it. Tick evil. And this is the point in the movie where I started texting Eli my logic hurts. Okay, so here's the argument. Here's the argument and let's give it a fair two.

I couldn't say that. I couldn't get all the way to the point. It's fair to. Right? It's a pretty basic question. When does a mass of cells magically, there were not mind, transform into a human being, gentlemen, when does a massive cells magically transform into a human being? Oh, for fuck's. Okay. This is the viability argument. I just want to point out

first of all, which Eli kind of alluded to with this sleepy abortion advocate. That threshold has to be met regardless of which position. Yeah, it does. It's either on it. And, and one side uses measures of consciousness and humanity. The other side, the side that this movie is on. Does it? It's the other side.

Yeah. Of course, this is humanity. And they act this up. He goes, so when do you think of master self magically transforms into a human being and straw magma, straw face goes three months and the other guy goes, it magically transforms into a human being when come touches an egg. That's when the magic happens. Like two Harry Potter students arguing over when we, when God, him, they be, uh, says when it turns out, you're a baby asshole. Right.

And they, they go back with like time. That's how they, like, yeah, what you murder a baby. Yeah. Would you murder a baby like a minute after it was born? No, of course not. Would you murder? I'm going to stop you right now. Uh, no, would not murder a baby.

What about that? What if we say something different than that? But then they keep going back like what about a month before the, I wanted them to go as like what about 10 months before the birth? What? What if I think about a baby and then master bait? Is that all so stupid? What is it all years from now now you could have a baby. And I killed you now. I don't. So also by the way, all it would take to debunk this, you wouldn't even have to wake that dude up.

You just have to read a list of informal logical fallacies. What they are saying here is you cannot say precisely where tall begins, therefore short doesn't exist. Right. That's the formulation of this fucking argument. And then, and then he's like, he tries to push back on that, the guy who's, the guy in the, by the way, the guy who's arguing in favor of abortion is an Ivy legal leadist in a suit.

The other guy's wearing a fucking backwards baseball cap and eat necks the whole time. And the elitist guy goes, well, you know, but a fetus isn't a baby, and he's like, but it becomes a baby. And we're done with that argument. Oh, you know, if humans become corpses, so I guess all sexist necrophilia when you really think about it, huh? And pedophilia. Yeah, and pedophilia, right? Right? Right. At some point, carbon turns turns into come which turns into a baby. Did you just exhale? Are you fucking crazy?

You carven murder or come. You're not. You asshole. Next time next time your husband or male friend is fucking you turn to him and be like really your own granddaughter just to fuck with him. Just a. turn to him and be like, really, your own granddaughter, just to fuck with them, just a ... So also, this is a, they paused this conversation for a minute and I'm so glad they did because I was having trouble.

So nurse ratchet can come in and she can say, this is where she says, like, you'll hear from experts on both sides and then she says, this is the actual line. You'll hear from experts on both sides. Everyone and everyone. I guess there can't be an end after everyone, huh? Everyone and then some I and then why did you write this? You could be everyone and the empty said. There's nowhere else to go. I tried to rhyme orange. I got it. It's got away from me. Door hinge or a vengeance, not that hard. So and now we get back to that riveting conversations between the out of work carpenter and the suited elitist with

the vast. But he's he's fucking stumped at this point, right? The guy who's arguing in favor of abortion. But then he goes for a new one. He goes for the viability argument, right? I guess it's when the baby can live outside the womb. I think a change my mind. Now it's when the baby could survive on the wild on its own, you know, fight a real. And also the other guy like every time he has the fucking carpenter, the writer of the movie, every time he describes it, he has to add the word magically, right? Like he just where it doesn't belong because when he says magically, you become wrong. Right. Apparently, fucks sake. And then, okay, so they stop this. They, they, they summarize. was when he says magically you become wrong. Right. Apparently.

Oh, fuck's sake. And then, okay, so they stopped this. They summarized, they're like, huh, we've made some very important progress. Let's summarize it for the audience. And they turn this off and Stacy bless her little heart, goes propaganda, crap garbage. Yeah. Stacy'd be good at God awful movies. Yeah.

Well, most you wouldn't know because then, Doctor doctor wise is like, well, how do you counter the argument? She's like, I don't because my lines were written by somebody who's never actually asked that question to somebody on the other side of this argument. Yeah. She's just like, it's, it's my body. I can do whatever I want to the fetus until, uh, whenever I can, I'll fuck a fetus right now. I'm allowed to do everyone. That is the argument on my side. At this point, like you could tell she was forcing,

like her lines started sounding like they were stitched together from like the audio version of a ransom note. And I think it's because she just could not bring herself to like deliver up the straw men. Fantastic. because she just could not bring herself to like deliver up these straw men. Oh, fantastic. And this is where we get the third trimester abortions are a legal conversation. Yes. All right. So I want to point out one just huge logical error right here.

So she's talking to nurse ratchet is talking to Laura and the lawyer and she's like, now would you say that if something is legal, that makes it right? And Laura goes, yes, I'm like, the fucking electric monk would have trouble with that one. Hey, look, think about this for a second. If anybody actually thought that being a law made it moral, they'd wind up looking in a 3,000 year old book for their view on abortion. Jesus, core slavery, which they also bring up. Yes, yeah.

Are you serious? Maybe don't bring up slavery. According to the Bible, the rules about abortion and slavery should switch. I just want to be clear. Right. And literally, the only response there, because again, they can't have a character say pretty much

any words that aren't a-ha. That wouldn't counter that stupid fucking argument. So she just goes, it's my body. At which point? Yeah. Literally, like a Twitter character, Dr. Wise goes, I'm sorry, but I just perfectly debunked you.

So the end. Yeah, even replays the fucking little bit of the video. Yeah, she's like, that's the screen cap in this Twitter fight. Jesus Christ. I wrote in my nose like, now that we've piled up that straw in a vague man's shape, let's wait for a stiff breeze. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, God. And we get one last little tale of the pro life guys here, where you're the guy in the suit goes, look, when you want to talk about a portion, you just whine about rights, even though so cold the rights were just created by what, three guys and robes, you know, like black freedom, the worst. That is the argument is that the right to abortion was just five guys in robes.

Five guys, just five random guys ran into each other. Hey, you don't want to make abortion legal? Yeah. I mean, I'm just a guy. Are you just a guy? Yeah. Just your average Joe, I know about as much as, I don't know, say a filmmaker and his crazy bad friend as they eat deviled eggs.

Well, so I honestly think this video may very well have come from like the writers meeting for this movie, right? Because he asked him at one point, he's like, but if I know that abortion is wrong, how can I make an argument in favor of it? And the other guy's like, you just say constitutional right over and over again. There's no logic there. That's literally what he says. That's literally what he says. They don't have any logical arguments.

So they just say constitutional right and get really emotional. Jesus fucking Christ. And to which he concludes, so I, the person who doesn't understand this argument and is as biased as you possibly can be, doesn't have a good counter argument to my own argument. They must have the wrong position. That's the thesis statement of this fucking movie. Also that everything with nuance is evil. All things are signing things with nuance. That's it. I told you, Ethan Eli both on separate occasions. I'm like, you guys are going to have to do all the funny this week. I'm just going to be pissed off.

I'll do the pissed off. You guys just be funny. All right. So now it's time to empathize with the with Dr. Wise, the kidnapper for a bit. So we can't do a scene where she's like laying out like the vitamins for all the pregnant girls. And she has a flashback about her miscarriage. Yeah.

No. No, she just can't have babies. But I think they were referencing that she was pregnant and then she wasn't. Yeah, yeah, they were like talking about like, oh, you weren't healthy enough during the pregnancy. Yeah. They were working out. But like her parents are scolding her for miscarriage. Yeah, she had.

Yeah. But did she like eat it right in front of them? Like what did it, it had. Yeah. Like did she like eat it right in front of them? Like what did it? It's so ridiculous. Her parents, by the way, which include Charles Durning, just throw them that out there. That's dad. Oh, it's happening.

Oh no. No, turning. And Charles Durning spends his entire scene looking at his hands. And it's acting, but in my mind, he's just like, what the fuck am I doing in this movie? What are you doing, Chuckie? What are you doing? Soie? What are you doing?

So, yeah. So, like, she's all upset, her parents are upset with her for having a miscarriage. So then we flash even further back to calling her ex-husband, who is Martin Kov. John Kreece. Yeah, evil sensei from Makaradi kid, who by the way, has 17 upcoming projects on IMPTP somehow. But I think it's nice that he took a break from his soft court, Pornow to be in this level. They could not more clearly be a porn.

No, yeah, it is absolute porn stash. He took a break for a few seconds to do this fucking scene for them. And there's still a soft core porn actress in the scene. Yes. Like he sits down to have this serious conversation in the soft core porn actress is like, wait, am I in your other movie now? Two and he's like, yeah, you'll get another 200 bucks fantastic. All right.

Just clearly like I want the same deal as loja. He's doing his magic trick the whole time. Fucking this soft core porn actress. You fell around it. I so wanted him to just go off on like mercy just nonexistent in this utero doesn't. Um, so yeah, yeah. So he, but he's left his wife to find a new fertile girlfriend. He doesn't like the non viable baby machine that he was married to. And that's why we're supposed to sympathize with the Follonia sell it of the film. I don't think this movie realizes how attractive a barren woman is. A relationship

with a barren lady that's just like a giant come party. Like you got a lot of people like Heath. I love him. Some barren women is true. So now that Heath is finished filling out his classified ad for the night, I suppose we can take a quick break. But first, let me give act three the hard self. Will Lara discover love for her unborn lump of cells? Will Natalie find her long lost personality? Will I ever be able to watch Scarface with a straight face again? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the eventual conclusion of the life zone.

Hello, loose-indulusions. Where where am I? You trapped underground. You will pro-choice and so now we're going to make you sit here until you have a baby and then you will learn and you can just straight up fuck yourself. Okay, I'm sure that you will understand my team, motherfucker. I will eat the eyes out of your mother fucking skull. Wow. Okay. So one second, if you could just listen, you listen, motherfucker. I am the skating atheist. I will spend every second of

this nine months throwing my feces at everyone and anyone you ask me nicely to let me go and I'll leave when I'm done stopping your balls into pudding you backwards ass Coltie mother fuckers Wow heath was way cooler about this Pylosinda the senda they have snacks here Dammit heath snacks good ones fucking Crips and dip bagel sandwich And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroes They were in that room where this whole movie happens and they still are

So in this scene we're gonna open up on Stacy waking up to the sound of a baby and heading off in search of the pop scare. It's literally like someone in this filming process was like, oh, shit, guys horror movie. We're just going to make a horror movie. Yeah. Robert's asking questions. Also in solidarity with this film's director, I will be eating for the rest of this recording. It was the film's right wife, not the director. My wife made a lovely pasta, so I'm just gonna help myself to a couple of noodles. You chance go ahead, tell me about the movie. Oh, this is such a professional way to behave.

Yummers. So, so yes, so she starts walking through the room like I wonder if the pop scares over here. Maybe it's behind this. And the pop scare itself is just as she gets to the door, the doctor wise opens it. First and smiles. It's like a pleasant pop scare. Yeah.

I wanted her to like open the door. It's just a room full of tube socks and used tampons. Just all dressed in one Z's like, oh, yeah. They are serious about that. Doctors like a superhero of savings. She's just like Neo, but like catching commons that a dodging bullets. That's a movie I'd watch. So yeah, I'm in front of porn stars with six test tubes. So, okay. So, and by the way, the pop scare then asks Stacy if she'd like some more milk to help

her sleep. And she's like, I'll make enough for you and your baby. And this movie is so stupid. So she's like, so is my baby a boy or a girl? And she's like, okay, well, we don't believe in the devil machine that finds out of it's a boy or a girl or has a terrible debilitating illness that might make you want to have a girl. To the boy or girl thing either. Now you've, you've, you've switched characters there because Stacy doesn't want any warm milk.

She doesn't want any of that bullshit, but Natalie shows up. She would like some. Oh, that's right. Yes. And that's another pop scare. She's like, you want some warm milk station? She's like, fuck you. Natalie's just like, right behind her.

She's like, I'll have some and it's like a pop scare though. Yes. That like a pop scare though Yes That was a pot it was a very pleasant hostage saying yes, please to warm milk And we have to point out that like all Stacy does throughout this scene while Natalie's like oh I have decided I like baby. I will name him you are again I don't give a fuck about my baby. I'm gonna hate him. I'm gonna flick him on his dick.

Dude, take that baby. So yeah, and Natalie is just profoundly okay with this kidnapping. You know, to a disturbing degree, she's like, you know, I know that kidnapping me has had to have been a huge pain in the butt But if I could ask one quick favor, well you got me kidnapped Is there anyway? Maybe you could get a video from my family and let me watch it That'll come back. That'll be important. She's like, I'll see what I can do I'll talk to Morgan Freeman. I'll see if he can get

And again these characters are in hell. So what does that mean? I don't know. Yeah, because apparently the doctor already sent some videos and pictures of the women to their parents. Yeah. Just like a picture of a fetus reading the newspaper is proven to be so weird thing. But yes, they're in hell so how does it makes no sense?

Right. Yeah, exactly. As we're going to learn later in the movie, they like go up and talk to these people whose family they've kidnapped and I don't know about you guys, but if someone kidnapped my wife and was just like, so we just wanted to send you of it, I'd be like, well, now I have you and they'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, see, I have you now. Now you're here. You're, you're here. And I don't have a laser microchip, but I have kitchen knives. So I'm going to find out where my wife is. Speaking of kitchen knives, this is also where we learned that our kid and app girls have

access to those too in the warm milk room. All right. So now it's time to cut away from that to get a abortion debate on foes CNN. Yeah. Bago sandwich. Oh my God. Yeah. She's eating a bacon.

I can cheese on a bagel. It looks so good. I literally, I literally paused she's eating a bacon. I can cheese on a bagel. It looks so good. I literally I literally paused here and A to steak. He did. And this is where I stopped in watching the movie and A to steak. It was good. And this is where Noah and I both wrote down a note That he's a long lines of pretty sure heath is pregnant Yes, he was heathen the fuck out of that bagel. What is it? Eating happily.

That's like me. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Joyously eating. And the debate goes like this, basically, there's two people, a man and a woman on screen. There's a third voice speaking from a God perspective, apparently, who starts it off by saying, why do most women have abortions? To which the abortion expert

lady goes mostly because of thoughts and things that they think. They couldn't think because they've never had a woman who doesn't regret her abortion. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Then he asked him, like, where does that right to abort come from? And the dude goes, I don't know, but constitutional right constitutional right constitutional right is the only argument we're aware of. Yeah. I think they should have abortions all the time. It's important that women, if they don't have a baby, somebody should give them one every day and they can kill one. If they want that's only fair to women. And by the way, Stacey is just steadily like pumping her fist from the

couch. And she's rooting for pro abortion arguments like sports. Yes. As we try to see right to privacy. Jerry. And I also love it. I guess this is this movie's effort to walk its own rhetoric back because the guy goes like at one point like, what about all those fucked up crippled babies? And it's like, no, the movie isn't going to come out. You can abort those ones. Yeah. He's a prenatal test for down syndrome. And Stacy's going nuts on the couch. Like, yes,

let's kill retarded babies. Richard Dawkins just pops out from between the couch cushions. Yeah, I got little plagues with fetuses on them. And also in what I think is another effort to try to sell this script is not being anti abortion. They actually spend a few minutes here doing a fairly good job of laying out the whole back alley abortion argument and how making it illegal would really mostly affect poor women.

Why again, you're doing that in your movie. Again, like I said, I think they wanted to have clips to show to people to say, no, no, we present both sides. I think that's the only thing in any way or or or the guy was just so full of eggs at a certain point is they fucking I was just putting as with her saying, I'm CNN now, I don't know. Um, and then it's just like, because now this movies now, because this movie is anti abortion, it's like, look, yes, we know that making abortion illegal would only affect poor women and rich women would still be able to get abortions, but, you know, we're not poor.

So soon, running and I do after this movie. That's really the deal of that argument is like, yeah, but I'm a temporarily embarrassed millionaires. So fuck them. And then again, to make sure everyone knows that this is a horror movie, we get another pop scare, which is Robert Lozha, basically yelling boo. It's me, Rebel Luna. I'm in the movie again now.

His magic spell is not working. He's clearly frustrated about the magic stuff. Move just weird objects around again. Yep. God, he's just yelling at us. That's his point part in this thing. He's like, things are frustrating and difficult. Livyosa, fuck.

Also actual quote from the movie from Robert Lozia, pregnant women always eating never thinking. So you're saying act quote. Yep. I think I enjoy like five or six months of pregnancy. And this is where we learned that Robert Lozia and the nurse, the doculady have gotten together from hell to send a video crew out to get video of their families for them. Right. Like, like, like big brother messages.

Yes. Like RuPaul's drag race messages from home. Yes. On top sessions. And they're just like going along with it, not calling the cops. No. They just to crew shows up like, hi, we're the kidnappers film crew. You ready to go? And yeah, cool.

Rig me up. What do you got? A little earpiece. Perfect. Not not a word about it. And look, I mean, this movie was not made in 1978, right? This was what went 2006 or something like that, 2007. So like, you know, like, like dad could have just filmed

it on his phone and sent it to him online. They sent out a film crew to get these kidnapper videos from hell from hell from hell. Yeah, a couple of demons show up with a camera and a fucking lighting rig. Just red little cherubs with holding it just trying to do the thing. Sorry, you got to take a union 15. Really, the unions in hell, oh, the unions fucking everywhere. That we've got you. Really excited to work with Harvey Weinstein in a couple of years. Got to say, I was worried because of all this charity work, but yeah, it's going to be cool. It could make some great movies down there. Also, this is another thing that I would recommend against putting in your anti-abortion

movie. A screaming annoying child that seems like you should be setting next to me on an airplane. He's the worst kid ever. He's throwing feces, he's plotting a school attack. This would have been a great abortion. This is why abortions are good. Like check out Frekenomics. This is dirt road for society, but we need abortions.

We need more abortions. Double snottline coming out of his nostril. Yes. Why? Why? And the way they present him, the dad is talking to Natalie. This is Natalie's dad standing out his brownstone and Brooklyn apparently. And he says, um, yeah, no, but you'll get a chance to see your little brother. Look at him and he picks up this kid and this kid is

immediately screaming and crying. And obviously they couldn't like get him to stop doing that long enough for them to take the shot. He's got like Zika and Spina Biffin somehow. This is crazy. I also love that dad at this point says, and Natalie, by the way, now your boyfriend is going to make an honest woman out of you. So, you know, there's another good thing about this kidnapping. Talked him out of killing your baby. Isn't that great?

That great. I haven't now. So that ends and then we revisit Heath's nightmare. This is nurse ratchet weighing Stacy on the full school, whatever the fuck scale. I'm not going up to the 200 one. I'm definitely in the 190s. Stop. Just try.

Just take a minute, give it a second to let it balance out. It's dude, you're in the 50s. You need to skip two on the big one. It's on the bottom. The 51 don't make me lift this little thing and hold it there with my finger. You know what? Let's go to the post office. Yeah, but I was.

Oh, Jesus. So. So it stays. Once again, being a total bitch about this kidnapping and forced gynecological exam, she's not cooperating at all. Yes, we know real bitch about the whole force per thing. Yeah. So and the Dodgers going like, well, it looks like your pregnancy is perfectly normal.

And then we see like an evil glint in the Stacy's eyes. Like she's like, oh, maybe I could have normalize it. Yeah, the doctor's like, yeah, I don't really do anything, you know, unless something goes wrong with the pregnancy and Stacy's like wrong with the pregnancy. It's like, why'd you repeat it all slow like that? Instead of it, instead of it, we're just now. Oh, God, if the next scene in this movie had just been them running at each other and belly bumping from across the room.

The movie would have been amazing. Somebody wants to me. So now that the three girls are just hanging out, having a forced pajama party, having a good old time. Jesus Christ. And they're all doing impressions of Dr. Weiss, but since Dr. Weiss hasn't been giving any like persona or personality characteristics to do like, hi, I'm Dr. What?

Being Dr. What? Dr. Dr. What? What? How are your hands? Right? Hands?

Like she asked in the last scene. Joyce has them out like like that. And Natalie is not on board. She's like, well, I for one have Stockholm syndrome just so you know. Honestly, though Lara ends up doing an impression of a pro life fetus for a second. Yeah, genuinely. I'm going to grow up and kidnap three pregnant baby killers. I'm a fetus. This pro life is so good. She should have done like that. She

should have been in fetal position for it. But yeah. But this is where they suddenly realized like Stacey points out like guys, we all have hostages in our stomachs. Right? Like these guys are psychotic about our babies. Like why don't we use that to our advantage? And Natalie's like, oh, no, because I because that what we, why didn't we think of that like two weeks in. No, bummer. Oh, God, this was a certainly difficult movie to watch. Because then she's like, well, now you're seven months, seven months pregnant. That would be murder. Like, no, the fucking people made you care. No, it wouldn't.

Anyway. But I wanted to see the hostage thing happen. Like them breaking out of the building hostage style, just like a coat hanger, halfway in. I'll fucking do it. I'm not gonna turn off that dog. That's all fucking do it. Jesus Christ. Dominion amazing.

I want to see that too. Yeah, exactly. The crazy billionaire remake of this movie will be the best crazy billionaire remake. Yeah. Oh, I also love to because like why not get all the terrible arguments into the same movie at this point. Natalie's like, but now it's a human being with a nose and a mouth. I'm like, oh, the argument from a nose and a mouth, things that only human beings have.

I just wanted her to cut into a steak and be like, mmm, rum, rum, rum. That was a living thing. That's a stupid example. It's a stupid example. I mean, it's different people. I would eat babies. So now we get Laura's message from home. And her boyfriend is the most impossibly cliche, new Jersey douche. You can imagine.

Oh, I fucking hate this guy. He's bottle service of the nightclub, dude. I can't even see him. It's just glare from his hair gel and his penis cars. All you can see in the whole scene. So he's gonna end up shirtless during the video somehow. Just that. I know he's wearing like a jacket and a nice shirt.

Just out of nowhere pops the shirt. Yeah, right. I know one breeze. I got one. My shirt's off now. Definitely the kind of guy that does the flex point when he's trying to tell you where something is. Yeah. In his message, he's like, we all miss you a ton, even old judge Henderson doesn't have anyone to hold and contempt. Judges love holding people

in contempt. Really, really. So yeah, yeah. He's telling her all the lawyers, uh, miss her while he's leaning on a $30,000 car that's parked in front of a $25,000 house. And suddenly we hear a crash in a scream from the next room. Stacy going, kill that baby. Oh, yeah. So the nurse runs it. I mean, though, Dr. the doctor runs in and by the way, I keep calling her nurse, not because I have problems with women being doctors, but because I have run with this character, not being nurse ratchet. I have been in my nose over and over again. So I have problems with women being doctors because it doesn't make any sense. They would get all emotional. They get all flustered. They'd be all, they'd give you the silent treatment

if you needed help. But you didn't ask nice enough That's not what I know is doing it as well. I'm just clarity He got that would be the argumentation in this movie like that was an argument this movie presented that would not be out of Character for this film. I was never ready to be a doctor because I would get my period and then I'd be a bitch about it This would be one of the less offensive arguments So and also by the way she runs in there to where like Stacy's apparently falling off of a step stool. And she turns to Stacy and she says, Stacy, don't worry, we're going to save this baby. Stacy's head is bleeding out. Oh, I thought she hit herself in the head with a plate because there's a broken plate right next to her. I thought that was like a weird strategy.

That's right. We find out in a second. She's telling us to. Yeah. I love that's where you went first. I was like, oh, she tried to get like smash is the baby dead. I just have a really big bruise baby in my head. Smash. And now, now we cut to, I have no idea how to set this up.

It's just, it's a woman race car driver. I'm like, I like my notes have, is this just the video they taped over? Yes. I was waiting for like 80s commercials to come up. Yes. So yeah, now this is a woman presenting her pro abortion argument, which is basically like, it's fun. I had an abortion just for fun, you know, like riding a rollercoaster, what a thrill.

Wasn't rape, wasn't incest. I, I really just hate babies. I just really hate babies. Got pregnant on purpose. But you men told me I had to have the baby though and that really gold me. So, you know, I killed a baby out of feminist fight. That's what you do. Baby killing for feminist fight.

That's what pro choice means the end. That's the whole thing. That's the whole documentary we watch. Yep. I didn't have a good reason. It was just bloodlust. Ask your doctor, baby killing for feminist fight. It's super fun. So now that the,

I do what I want thesis is fulfilled their quota of pro abortion arguments. We can get back to the definitely not propaganda part of the film. Starting with more of Robert I was hoping his name was Triba or just E. Yeah. So, uh, so, yeah. So, but he thinks that Stacy tried to kill her baby on purpose, but the doctor wise thinks she just fell down or in inflation. Sorry. I thought of one. I thought of one. Right. Yeah. You've got one too. Now we all have one. And then he's just like, I mean, I guess I need to be clear about this. If you kill you, baby, we're going to kill you. But we're the good guys. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. We're trying to save lives. And if you get in our way, we'll kill you. So now we get a weird judge mental stranger slash swinging light bulbs montage. Uh, staring just with the movie. Yeah, we get the cast of rent telling you to abort a baby over and over.

394,200 minutes. Three quarters of a year and murder, baby. Okay. So literally it's just people saying abort your baby in different languages and I'll say nothing less scary than a woman yelling abort your baby in French. I'm porting a baby. Nothing is scary in French. That's why there are no French horror movies.

A lot of people don't know that. But you can't. Ah, portela baby. Oh, the sound. Frume la pipe. La baby. Portez mon. Doesn't work. Can't do it. Ha, bote la bebe! All the sounds from a la pebe, la bebe, la bebe, bote mmo! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, I was like, am I supposed to be funny?

It's kind of funny. It was hilarious. I was in tears laughing throughout this part. New Patreon go by the way, abortion the musical. Oh, yeah. Yes, I like that. I liked that a lot. I thought they were going to cut over to Ferris Bueller to and shaking a baby.

Honestly, the moment. So now Stacey wakes up straight up, sitting straight up again from, I guess that was a nightmare. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I are for not being snitches about her trying to kill her baby. She's still going to kill the fuck out of that baby though. She wants to make sure they know. She's like, look, it just to be clear, I'm going to kill this. I'm like the professional but for babies. She says it out loud to them, but they're asleep and she's like, still going to kill their sleep. Okay. And it's the whole scene. Like when you're in a slumber party and your friend falls asleep, Hey man, I think Wendy Genderson and third grades pretty, oh, you're asleep. Never mind. I mean, we'll talk. He's got. I mean, I heard I

never had sleepovers, but I bet that's what they were like, you know, it's so intimidated. That's what it was. And now we get cool. And now we get Stacy's video from home. Now this is Stacy's sister, I guess. This is amazing. And this is the Ken Delvetschio's version of the evil secularist. Yep. And she's just like, want to hear a list of atheist stuff? stuff. Killin babies. First thing off time. Killin babies. We kill babies. What else? I stole a Bible from a kid in Shatton is now. That was fun. Also, shout out to 10 Commandians monument. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes what else did I shit on? Oh, by the way, while you are gone, they tried to take away your needle exchange program, but don't worry, I saved it so there can be more heroin.

And a shout on some heroin addicts in the mouth. Are Christians against clean needles? I don't really. Yes, yeah, because no, just in the same way that birth control promotes extra sex, having clean needles promotes heroin use, you see? Mmm. So it's, it's, it's, it's, what, God wouldn't have put those aids in that dirty needle

if he didn't mean it. So bad for the world, everything needs to be... Yeah, God damn it. Yes. Oh yeah, no, and she's like, yeah, I protected your needle exchange program. I also got a courthouse to remove a 10 commandments monument. Ah, fuck you, Roy Moore.

It's the funniest, because she might as well just be listing, she may like, oh, and by the way, your charity gala for the soup kitchen is going forward as planned. Fucking soup. God, you're not going to have soup. He would have made it rain soup. Haven't you read the documentary cloudy with a chance of meatball? You got to teach a man to soup. I don't know.

Yeah. So, and then of course, cis presents the argument from you know, Cuzz again. And she makes it very clear that she'll love her sister no matter what, but she'll love her more if she kills that damn baby. And meanwhile, while she's watching this, the doctor, Laura and Natalie are all chilling on the other room. And Natalie thinks Stacy's been a real bitch asking them to go into another room while she watches her video.

And they're all doing like a, what a, the doctor's doing like a, what a weirdo moment with them. Like that's Stacy, real oddball. I kidnap people and force them to birth Distance right I Wrote my notes at this point just nine more minutes nine more minutes has never seemed to further away But this is where we learn about stasis addiction Yes, yes, you're Stacy used to have a serious drug problem. She says she has a serious drug problem and she goes, and Natalie comes out with cocaine

way too quickly for someone else. You think you might know a coke guy? Is that what you're saying? She's not going to know the way a ski instructor perhaps. Who said cocaine? You don't. Okay. And then the and then the chick's like worse. Yeah, she goes heroin and she's like worse. She's like, I don't know any of the worst drugs. I'm like, Oh, you innocent little thing.

You know, but she says no, it was the worst drug of all love. True love. Is that the worst drug of all. Love. True love. Is that the worst of all? Gathered us here today. Hi, my name is Stacy and I'm addicted to true love. Hi, Stacy. I just feel like, you know, I might as well face it.

I'm addicted to that. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. And then she explains that, I'm a big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big And then fucking Natalie turns to Lara and says basically, this is almost a quote. Oh, that's why she would never talk about the father and those relevant foreshadowing conversations that we apparently had on camera. Why wouldn't you let us know it's this is after shadow.

Is the end of the movie guys. Yes. And she's like, you know, well, we all came here for our various sins and they're like, oh, what was your sin, Dr. West? She's like, not being a baby factory. Literally, she's like, look, and there is no like, that was a terrible thing of my husband to do. It's just like, he left me for a proper woman who knew her place as a brood mayor. I was

too busy with my zoomed-back classes and my pink hats. Oh, regret. Right, that you and your fancy words. Yeah, your lawyer words. Yeah, no, at this point, it's the movie tells us the real problem of abortion is that mental like you better if you have a baby. Yep. Which is generally speaking, not truth, when I understand from single mothers in the dating world, I don't think that that's correct. Um, not really sure. but anyway. And then there were only, let's speak for this podcast. And then there were only six and a half minutes left. Uh, how the fuck do I write scenes? When the whole fucking movie is in this poorly led basement, like, oh, and then they're in the basement again.

I just, uh, yeah. So now there, all those notes are just like 10 seconds apart. So okay, now they're playing a trivia game, not trivial for sure. They couldn't get the rights to that. Is the point of this scene to prove that the only character who's on their side is stupid and doesn't care about anything? I guess because that's what is enacted, right?

Yes. The bad one knows all the trivia. And Natalie, the good ones like, I don't care about sports or politics or movies. I just like pushing baby out of body. Doing this. You know, that is the message of the scene. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

All right. All right. And here's how badly written this goddamn movie is. She gets to movies and I'm like, Oh, please let the answer to this one be Robert Lozia. It was Charles Durning. It was Charles fucking Durning. It's just this bad. Only they could only afford fewer seconds with him.

Anyway, so yeah. So now Laura goes into labor and we failed to mention, I don't know how we failed to mention this, but with the very beginning when they're like kind of like laying out the plot to these girls, they said they would all stay here until they all went into labor simultaneously. So a weird stipulation at the time to me. It's like really, they're going to have, so they, if they don't have to stay and pregnant again, Robert Lozier comes in and fucks him. Yeah, I don't, but anyway, but now this, but this is where they all go into labor simultaneously.

And Dr. Wise has to just bobby Fisher those vaginas. I would have been great if she did a blindfolded. Yes. She starts juggling three babies. So Laura wins. She wins the baby race. Natalie comes in second. Now, but Stacy's a bitch. So she has to scream more and be and more pain than the other two. Right.

What a great way to convince people to have babies is show the absolute agony of childbirth. I don't tell you what, Lindsey on not a great actor, but man, she sure pulled off the absolute pain of childbirth, except the fact that she was undercut by the script where she had to scream, I hate you, like a petal, a teenager in the middle of it. Oh, if she had just died in childbirth, like, doctor wise is like, okay, hear me out. This is obviously, I know it feels a lot like murder. And the baby, but is the baby, oh, the baby's dead too, right?

I didn't do any of those tests. I shouldn't, that's good that he's dead. He's pretty deformed to begin with. Yeah. Yeah. And unfortunately, Stacey doesn't die. Instead, Stacey has twins. Like, and they didn't know. She's like, she's like, oh, there you go. She's like, oh, it's like that second morning poop where you put it for him. 10 minutes minutes later you have to poop again and you're like, what the fuck are you doing, buddy?

15 minutes between poops? Just a second morning poop. Yeah, okay. You know, you poop in the morning and then like 10 minutes later, you poop again and you're like, what's happening? Nope. So, send me a moon and so I can go to the. I am very sad.

I don't want to go to the doc because he's going to tell me and then I'm going to have a fun razor and like a picture in the eighth year book. So I'm just going to. Yeah. You know, I've got the same thing going like, like, I've had a headache for like five days and I don't want to go to the doctor because if it is brain cancer, I will say it's not the tumor and he won't know how to react. Eli, just quick, quick question.

It's like four p.m. How many times have you shat today? I know. No, I don't feel like any of this is real headache. You know what that sounds? Peter, I would go to patreon.com forward slash God awful to make sure you got that checked out right away. Our new Patreon goal, me and Noah go to the

stuff. You like shit's like a hobbit has meals. 11Z's got four in the afternoon. So, okay. So now the doctor realizes she's having twins. The doctor is freaked the fuck out about it. She has never heard of such a thing. But then she's like, she, she, the, gives birth to the two babies and she's like, uh, here holds your baby stays. And she's like, I don't want to hold them fucking babies. There's like, I ain't fine. No, well, fucking babies. Hold your babies. You, uh, you hold that. I'm going to throw it. I'm going

to throw it. Don't, don't, I won't catch it. I won't catch it. God. It's like my nieces. No, no, I don't want to touch it. Right, because you care about it more than I care about keeping it safe. So just keep it over there and I'll lie about it looking like you're fucking husband. All right? All right. Now we're both mad. Now we're all mad. See? You You could have just, you could have just let me say no the first time. Bunchen. What did you learn? Don't invite me places. Oh, that's a lesson I've learned a number of times.

And okay, so now the babies are all bored. We cut to the two good women, Laura and Natalie have decided that they love their babies after all, but Stacy doesn't like her babies. So she's just laying there bitching and whining her babies are screaming and crying and the other babies are being perfectly quiet and everything. And she's like, Doc, it really hurts pretty bad. I feel like it should be done hurting this bad. And then it's time for the twist ending. She comes over with a test tube full of blood and that's blood and come, right?

It's blood with white at the bottom. Yeah, I thought it was just come, but you know, and she's like, you need to go to the doctor, sir. I'm all in three. I think you need to go first. I'm going all over that. We'll go together. We'll film it.

We'll do a live stream from the doctor. And they're like, oh, no, it's got a brain tumor. Eli has bowel cancer. It's just fine. You need to make me. He eats new show. Uh oh. All right.

Everybody named the color of their come on three. Ready, one, two, three, door hits. I haven't seen it for a long time. So, okay. Never one did it. So, there's a Skype delay here. So, Dr. One, normal color. I love it. So so Dr. Wise comes up with her vial of red come and she says it can't be. It's impossible

in states like what? She's like, you're pregnant. And I'm like, fucking what? What? Why would you do a pregnancy test after a year? Right. I mean, it makes sense. So I'm like, I'm right in my nose. It's like she was cursed by a witch to be perpetually pregnant. She's having the second coming of Christ. Is that why she was Jewish? And then we learn Robert Loseau pops in because you know how the best twist endings are

a character coming on and saying, no, this is the twist ending. That's what he does. He says, yep, no, it's perfectly possible. When you're in hell. And he's like, Stacy, Dr. Wyse, tell the audience why this makes sense. And I died on the operating table at the abortion clinic. And I killed myself for being barren.

This man makes sense. So, and then he's like, yeah, get ready for another nine months of eating chips. I mean, like, this was such a low key hell. How has snacks that so nice to know? Yeah, hell is having a child over and over like women are supposed to do in the bottom. Yes, the message. Okay.

Yeah, hell is like my mother's life from 72 to 77. Basically, yeah, Jesus fucking yeah, right. And then the the doctors like and I'm in hell because I committed suicide I'm like, how is this hell for you? What are you? You're just you're in this the whole time. Also to those two girls get to leave Hey, John, I'm so glad you're back. Well, you'll never guess where I was. Where? Literally the Christian hell. Huh. No, I was an extra. It's not like it's not a baby.

I'm also saying, doing it for somebody else. Also, they have babies. Are these babies condemned to hell now? What happens to the babies? Oh, hell, baby. Right and around on a kangaroo. I mean, we call it little Nikki.

And at the end of it, they fight little person in a Muslim from all comes together. Same universe. All right. So according to the writer of this film, the was the fat slab who couldn't make it all the way through his scene without stuffing zebra cakes and deviled eggs into mouth. Kidnapping is just fine if it's prevent a woman from getting an abortion. So the question I want to close things off on is this, if and when you kidnap Kendall that geo, the writer of this film, what is it okay to do to him by his own logic?

Okay, I feel like for some to carry his rapist child to term his to mean, even though it's true. How about this? How about murder him? If you think it's possible, he might murder someone and the fact that he wrote this movie is really good evidence, he might be really kidnapped someone. And he's, uh, I'm thinking you can do literally anything because drawing a line is arbitrary. You can't make a line.

There's no such thing as morality because a line would be arbitrary. So where does it magically become magic? Where does it magically become immoral exactly bright line morality thing is ridiculous. All right, well, that's going to do it for our review of the life zone. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to coach you back into our basement again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. We interrupt this outro for a special report.

Due to a late breaking Kevin Sorbo movie, next week's cinematic selection was changed after the record, next week's movie will be Let There Be Light, the story of the world's top rated atheist converting to Christianity after a near death experience. Look for it Friday in a theater near you, but look really fucking hard because it's not going to be in very many of them. And now back to your regularly scheduled outro. So with that to look forward to we're going to bring episode 114 to a merciful close. Once again a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors and help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among their ranks you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com

slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving legal five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist, the skeptic rat and citation needed available on iTunes to turn wherever all the podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email god awful movies at gmail.com.

Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P N Drittorrez. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of people's drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audiootnikov, People's Drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clarkon, was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neili Bosnick, I'm no illusions promising to work hard

to earn another chunk next week until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. People who made this movie eventually found out that Ova are gender fluid and they got super confused about their opinion on it. Robert Lozza went on to reprise this role. That's real. Wait, genuine this role?

Seriously? Like yes. I am so excited. Alright. Stacey spent eternity eating, watching terrible Christian propaganda, and feeling nauseous, oh my God, I'm stacey. I'm stacey.

I'm stacey. Quint standing to the episode. G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G Oh, and by the way, before you send me any pedantic email, it's about the actual definition of nauseous. This is Eli. This is Eli. It works either way. Does nauseous not mean like you're technically nauseating, not nauseous. It's not fucking use it. But yeah, but yeah, exactly what's what the word means? Nauseous technology means that you cause nausea. Yeah, right. Exactly. Not. Yeah. Nauseous remains nauseating. Well, that's why I see you. I so it doesn't yeah It's a work see the rest so they you're wrong. Chimera. I like that

Baby turns out to be a chimera Jim The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2017 all rights reserved The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.