God Awful Movies - 122: Christmas Gone Viral

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Christmas Gone Viral; the story of Ray Comfort completely running out of ideas and just doing the same damn video over and over again. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

And he turns and for just a second we see Alan's humanity as he goes, I was normal before I met you, right? It was so sad. It's so funny. It was. James Joyce's the dead has girlfriend of Alan's life. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just Brian Cranston watching Ray Comfort choke to death on his own vomit and fall asleep next to him. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be immediate left is a good friend. He then right. He's welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know, it's a great analogy. Ray Comfort is the Daniel Baldwin of this movie. That makes sense. You know what I mean. I do. I get it. I get it right away and I could carry on with my next thing.

Eli's gonna do his accent. You can go right through. You do right through. There's no reason to delay and make me terrified. And of course, sitting at anyone miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic. Noah, question. When you die, who is in charge?

I feel like I go first. I'm the host guy. I called you called not you the dog. That's not we clearly work this out. Spend way too much time talking about my death when I'm away. So tell us, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Christmas gone viral.

Oh, okay. So you know how Girl's Gone Wild had too many attractive people with boobs and too much consent. Well, this movie fixed it with Raycom. Anyway, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love bothering people about Jesus and you haven't been on the internet for 11 years, you will love this movie. Question, do you guys think that in like six years, Ray is going

to make a movie about 9 11 and how it affected people's views of I can't wait for that. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. This is this is the movie you make if you just discovered YouTube was a thing. We should. This is what my grandmother emails me. My grandmother literally emailed me Charlie bit my finger like two months ago, the funniest email I've ever received. And this is my grandmother's email list, the YouTube movie. Yeah, right. Right. All right. Is it just me or are all the Ray Comfort movies just bleeding together at this point? Is it just one long movie that we've been watching for the last year and a half? They definitely have all become one movie, not just the Ray Comfort movies,

but all the Christian movies to become one movie. Asking me to describe the plot of anything we've watched since when we started this show is just a hellish compilation of Daniel Baldwin and Stephen Baldwin, blonde women who I vaguely recognize when they were on normal TV saying things and slave themselves, but there's no particulars. At one point, someone turns into a wolf. All right. So, okay, good. It's not just me then. It's not just me. As a matter of fact, I don't even have it the worst. Um, that was there anything that you want to nominate. This one for being the best at being the worst at. Yeah, I'm going to say best worst, uh, subtle facial expressions when the people realize

what Ray comforts doing. The obvious ones, they have to, they clearly cut the obvious ones, but what's left that we see are these little moments of recognition and they're amazing. Like they all just realized they're going to have to like deny a kiss at any second. Really? From right comfort. It's the best. You see this little thing in their eye and they're just like, oh, I mean, we haven't seen him do this so many times where we've seen him bother so many people on the street, but

in this movie in particular, there are so many of those. Right. Because it starts with what do you think the meaning of Christmas is? And how many bullshit news segments and random documentaries out there are saying, what's the meaning of Christmas? And so everyone with this broad smile is like, family and make a black cake will get to it. And it's just like these sweet answers and then he's like, rot, but are you a good person? And you see the, oh, it's this. It's this. You know what I'm going to catch in, I'm going to catch an Uber. No, this has been fun. You said we were all going to see

the movie, but it's just you and me. So I'm going to head out. I don't really want to see the wars of the stuff. We're not good enough friends. So, so my name is kind of related to heaths here. I don't have a best worst, but I have a best, best. And that would be best, best reaction to Ray Comfort's bullshit line of, are you a good person question? And you don't necessarily, there is at least three people I could mean by that. I think you probably know who I mean. Absolutely. If I win, we would interviews, Rochark. Yeah, it's pretty phenomenal. This is my best

best for this movie is this is the best best. Oh, no, we're both crazy and we've just realized it This movie is full of people because they're doing it all over the world and look you go to cans, France and you're like Hey, I want to talk to you about Jesus most people are like we are dust in the wind go fuck yourself The only people you're gonna get long interviews interviews are of crazies. And this is the crazy peak of the mountain. This movie is just a series of people being like, let me tell you about the desert winds. And he's like, well, the Bible says the desert winds are giving it a give it a give it a give it a give it a give it a give it a give it a and I'll raise you some Christian woo, yes.

All right, well, obviously we've got a lot of lust in our heart to get to. So we're going to keep the break brief and when we come back, we'll break down all the drawbacks to politeness that are Christmas gone viral. Well, hello boys and girls. It's me, Santa again. Do you love God-awful movies? Would you like the people who make it to keep being able to do it? Have you heard rumors that someone just dropped a giant douce in their stocking?

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Oh ho ho ho ho! So head on down to patreon.com, slash god awful, and consider supporting the show today, because Patreon fucked us super hard, right in the face! No! From the makers of Christmas, Gone Viral. Sorry, can I ask you a question? Comes a YouTube video made by people who haven't watched YouTube since 2010. Have you heard of Jesus Christ? Um, yeah. Are you a Christian? Because if you spend most of

your life in church, you miss out on a few things culturally. Um, no, I'm not a Christian. Well, hey, I bet now. Oh, fuck. This summer, Jesus bit my finger and now you say that Jesus stop it. I'm gonna stab you Arrrr. Coming this summer. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna start off with Santa on roller blades because make no mistake. Ray is hip to the early 90s. Alcoholic Santa on. Yeah. That's the cold open of this movie. I'm alcoholic Santa and he's rolling blade and around.

It's fantastic. Yeah. That's literally how the movie starts. We see Santa on roller blades. He comes right up to the camera, inches from the camera and he says, my name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic. I want an alcoholic, Santa on roller blades following around Ray Comfort harassing him on the free forever now. New Patreon goal. We just added how long how much we cost for

that guy to do. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's not doing anything. He's got some free time. Get him a bottle of whatever. I love to that. Okay, if you're like me, you go into this and you think, huh, rollerblading drunken Santa named Bob. I wonder how this will tie into the rest of the film. You can stop wondering shit like that now. Yep. It will not answer it will not. Yeah. And speaking of shit that makes no sense. So because straight from drunk Santa to Ray in the car with his dog and both of them are wearing sunglasses. Okay. Let's talk about the fact that Ray Comfort's dog is one identical to him, right? I dentical to Ray in physical appearance to entirely done with Ray's shit, right?

He's in there like, you right? I'm doing Christmas. I've heard Christians like to talk in their cars, and that's why I'm doing a car section. But the entire time the dog is just like, can you drive? Can you just drive? Who are you talking to, Ray? Back back I'm a dog, Ray. Maybe just drive, Ray. Right?

These classes off me. Yeah, the matching aviators are very upsetting to me. Yeah, it's like a buddy rapist movie with a guy in his dog really like Brock Turner and Hoot shit's very, very upset. All I wanted at this point was a giant shit or a crash. I wanted the dog to violently shit everywhere or Ray to violently shit everywhere or a crash or all I don't know if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. is you know, Paul quoted Greek poetry, but when did he lend the Greek poetry? Jesus, Ray, you couldn't possibly find a more boring fucking start. And then he tells him lies about Christmas. Yeah, well, that's awfully nice of me. He says a third of the world celebrates Christmas, and that's a gross exaggeration. So it's like just over a fifth. He says two billion people, which wouldn't be a third of the people, but it's actually more like 1.6. Anyway, and then he informs us that he's asked people all over the world to annoy other people with cameras about Jesus because he can't be bothered to do this. He's outsourcing this job now.

Yeah. He's literally, yeah, I set up an international street harassment team. Let's see how it went. That'll be this movie. So yeah, and that will be this movie. This will be just other people in different countries doing Ray's stick basically for an hour. And well, and he's a spoil it, but there'll be a couple other things in this movie as well. Yeah. It's a musical interview's young Voldemort. And we get some musical interludes. We get a few musical interludes.

All right. So we're going to begin our international tour of annoyance in Jolly old England. And I love the establishing shots they've used here. Right. There are no landmark shots. There are no wide shots. It's just close ups of people on dark streets. It's two guys doing a drug deal out of a trunk and a crotchial lady trying to get people

to take her pamphlets on a sidewalk. That's their establishing shot for England. You know, England. Exactly. Weird. Also, this doesn't count because the whole thing, he's talking to British people and they're all just like being kind of nice to him. Yeah.

England's like the Canada of atheism. Like that doesn't count. You're not exactly. Nothing. Nothing's proven here. Yeah. Yeah. This entire English segment is just British people are too polite to step out of literally any

conversation. Exactly. That's a little bit from these people. Exactly. And I just want to say commenting on our man on the street selection here, the chubby girl at the beginning is only here to remind us that overweight and smoking fucking hot can coexist. All right.

Oh, we should not need a reminder. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes. None of this. I'm going to have a salad with this girl. She's finishing your fucking fries. Well, I don't want her finishing fries. Well, she's happy to order fries herself and me myself. You order her own fries. You'll get her own God-don't-fries. And like, you want to get a whole rack of ribs. I want all the rack of ribs too. You get what you want to eat. I'll do that too.

And as if that's not enough, she also says God damn and looks at people with lust. She's so naughty. So naughty. Anyway, her version of hello breathtaking. Yeah. And I love to that like the argument she's making back, because this is just like a ray comfort acolyte in England, who's talking to her, go through the whole, are you a good person? Have you ever lied? Have you ever stolen stick that he does in every

single one of his movies? If you're not familiar with that stick, listen to any other of his movies that we've reviewed. There have been like five of them. And her argument is, well, I feel like God would overlook me texting OMG and not torture me and flames for eternity over that. And we the viewers are supposed to go, oh, that poor naive girl. Yeah. Stupid. And we have to point out that again, England is super, do not religious. So everyone who he's asking this question to in England are treating these questions about God

like if he could talk to Kermit the frog. And he seems like a moffera. Right? Because if you were like, no, I'm serious. What do you think about God? I don't know, man. He's dead. Like a million years ago, our king was like, I want my own church because I want to

fuck different ladies. And we were like, I want my own church because I want to fuck different ladies and we were like, whatever man. And since then the church has just been like a slightly wet rag that grand cares about. So are you done? Is the question? So I'm going to go have some unprotected sex. They don't use condoms in England. It's a big thing. They do use. You know hang around British people. I have not fucked many British people. I will say that. This is also where we get one of our first moments of recognition where the person's like, oh Jesus. Yeah. He's like, okay, do you know why Christ was born? And the person's like, oh God. So that's such a stupid question. Because of God and raised like, sorry, no, we were looking for because abortion is wrong,

even if you get raped. I don't know. I play the get rid of this fucking guy. Yeah, right. And now it's time for the first of many Christmas flashmobbs. for the first of many Christmas flashmobs. So this will be a running thing in this movie because that's like, I guess that's what the point of this movie is is to try to convince people to go out to the food court, start singing Christmas carols and giving out Jesus pamphlets until they get kicked out. Right. And and raise postulating because he shows a bunch of flashmobbs that involve Christmas songs and just regular songs throughout this.

And he seems to be postulating that all of these people were doing it in the name of proflotization. But they absolutely weren't right. 99% of these flashmobbs are just like, you guys want to go to the mall and sing some Christmas songs? Let's do it. We're board white people. Let's go. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Yeah. And I got to say, I want to be there with the flash mob for Jesus fucking happens because because like, look, if you just start singing, no one knows you're not part of that mob, right? You're also a customer at the mall.

You're just the loudest singing customer. Oh, I would be so, I just slowly walk into the center of the circle, start to undress and just gently shittin' my hands while nodding and smiling at the following singers. He's not a part of this. I am. We rehearsed this for weeks. a second. Let me get it on my face. Hello, everyone. I'm Kareka and I'm here to tell you a story about a boy born in Bethlehem. Oh, she's okay.

Well, they can't they can't kick you out for that. They absolutely can kick you out for that. I'm a greedy disagree. No, do not agree. Am I being detained? And I might be you are going to get detained. You will be detained. Yes, there's no question that you will be detained.

I was hoping one of these flashmobs, they'd like have a bra with a Hanukkah flashmob. At some point, they never have. It's sort of fun. Or like a flying tackle from Daniel Baldwin, one of them starts, one of them stays. Oh, it's always one person standing up, starting it. Yeah.

Daniel Baldwin flies in. Well, what I had the thought of is like imagine being a foreign person who's come to America and you're not Christian and you just like go to an American mall and this starts to happen around you. Just people all start standing up around you going like, Lord, I would be like, Oh, no, I've seen this movie. Michelle White person caught in a hay. I mean, to be fair, I brought this machete for a terrorist attack as it begins with, but now I feel justified. I also got very jealous that there's no like, you can't do like an atheist flash mob.

I mean, I guess a mass shooting is the closest we can get, but it doesn't feel the same. No, no parking space. Feel different. And since we already did England, now in our international tour, we're going to swing way over to the other side of the world, France, like, I mean, honestly, like he has, like other parts of the world in this, why go England and then France? Anyway. And so what we're going to have here is we're going to have two French people. It's not even too French people. No, no, it's a German

person and a French person speaking English at each other poorly. Yep. It's it's trick words in English as a second language. Yeah. Well, exactly, exactly. You're using like the bullshit Ray Comfort synonym tricks and whatnot. Yeah. It was like, all right, can you explain the big bang? Let me finish explain it in high coup using only binary code. And then I'm tired. It's not what he is like. Yeah, right. Right. But the French girl she finds fails to explain cosmological origins in a language she barely knows.

Therefore, Jesus did it is the population of this film. Okay, you can't explain the big bang. Murder this gay person right now. That's the only other thing you can do. So, so this lady carries her through the hole, you know, after she explains, well, you know, the big bang has to come from somewhere. I must have been Jesus. Oh, okay.

That's how this conversation is going. She goes through the whole stick again. Have you ever stolen anything? Have you ever lied? Oh, you've broken the 10 K. M. Amman's. You're going to hell unless you accept Jesus because you're a horrible sinner. Again, I want to stress the precept of this movie is that saying God damn is a hell worthy trespass. But luckily God's standard is thinking

my son is awesome, makes murder okay. So yeah, same as my mom's. Yeah. No matter what you do, you can accept Jesus and you're fine. And he's like, does that sound logical? She's like actually a stab you. Yeah, I accept Jesus. Like that, is that correct?

Yeah. But she goes, yes, it's a logic like she, there's no way she knows the word logical. But they might as well have just like thrown in fake words to throw her off more. Just like, yeah, and this conversation's pretty lavinous. Like all things considered, you say that you're really into the tertiary of this. And you're just like, uh-huh, I'm in tans and would like to stop

talking to you. You tell me what to say and I'll stop talking. Right. Three, two, one, no more talk. The conversation actually ends with the German lady going, are you afraid to die? I'm sorry, this is weird conversation. I don't want to play. I know. Also, I'm German, so no. And then we go to South Korea, you know, so yeah, that is the other side of the world. And we listen to a lady sing Silent Night in Korean. I wanted her to get side tackled by a copy. He's like, we are Asians, damn it.

Hey, you fucking kidding me. Also, there is this phenomenal moment where this one Korean, because they're shooting the crowd and they're trying to show like, oh, they love it. They love it. But there's one woman with a stroller who starts to walk towards it. Seize the saying she's like, nope, don't know what the fuck that is. He has. And just zoops away.

You can ask for the people in his grout or like, this is some North Korean trap shit. You're not fooling me. No, no. What a Donald Trump talk and are you guys the bad one? Which way is the bad one? Is the bad one up or down? They just tackle him and steal his phone. You do not get to use this anymore. No more. Sam songs are thing. And by the way, that's what we're going to get us out to Korea, just

a lady singing silent light in in Korean. And now we get Central America. Our next country, just, just, yeah, Central America. I'm pretty sure he thinks there's a country called Central America and South America and America. Yeah, exactly. Or else you think, well, like my viewers know the difference between Guatemala and Guam people, give me a fucking break, Central America.

And in this segment, we meet a hero who will stand above a soul. In my notes, he is Jamaican guy. Yes. But he is the hero we meet. The first answer we see him give, they're all answering about what Christmas is about and his first answer is make a nice kick. Yeah. So yeah. So again, and that's how they're suck or people in right there. They're like, what's Christmas about to you? And I was like, Oh, yeah, I'll answer that shit. And then they're like, you know, have you ever broken the 10 commandments? Where are you going to go when you die? And part of this part of the standard Ray Comfort procedure here is to say, have you ever committed adultery?

This is your making guy. Just see the guy asked me, every bit of his demeanor just says, I'm going to feed you your nuts. He barely fucking moves, right? He just stands there. He's perfectly still working in the opposite direction he goes I see it yes and there is the world's longest pause while this white guy

who's on Central America on mission is like it's part of the thing you're supposed to be uncomfortable and afraid and then you you get out of the conversation I added it to make it look like a Seconds after the cut he's just fucking the interview guy does this answer your question? Are we married? No, we're not I love that guy. He's so fucking angry It's the best and now we move over to South Africa. And the Central America thing,

I was just happy he didn't put the trans-vall colony at the bottom or something. But, and now it's time to meet the first of the, oh no, we're both crazy conversations. Not the best, but the first. And this woman begins by introducing herself as having come from a traditional Afrikaans family. And any of our listeners are unaware of the history of South Africa.

That means my family owns slaves and we're proud of it like four seconds ago. We were like throwing out and bombs and having people who worked for us. You're paid. It was like, yeah, Toby, come here. How long do I knock you out when we do two days? Because this guy is a Christian. He does two days. I think we do the same thing going on.

What is it? It's two days, right? I love to because then we have two separate interviews in Africa and South Africa. One is a white person interviewing a white person. The other is a black person interviewing a black person. There will be no race mixing in the in the right comfort movie. And I love to like because we get a long bit with this lady with the with the white lady where you know, she's like, you know, I didn't really have Christmas growing up, but I feel like people focus too much on the gluttonous stuff and Christmas. And I'm just writing to my nose like, all this poor thing still thinks they're interested

in her opinions. She's figured out what we're doing. Yeah. Wait and talk the rate comfort story. Yeah. Right. Right. And this is where they hit her with the, the Bible says when you hate someone, you've

committed murder in your heart. And it's weird that Noah is Hitler, right? You're right. It makes our relationship awkward. It changes the gift ideas a little bit. Yeah, exactly. I might need cyanide. You never know.

I also love to, there's a part here. One of the things that Ray always asks in this and of course his accolades in South Africa, join him in asking in these, is have you ever used the Lord's name in vain? And this lady's like, no, oh, I mean, yes, I've said goddamn, but they fade out really quick before she can say damn. It's like, oh, I mean, yes, I've said, go, baby, baby, little chicken runs across the screen with a fucking sign or something. Yeah. Dog with the sunglasses just dives across like the body. So yeah, and then it descends into like, I was saying just too crazy.

People agree. And about shit. This was just one of those fucking woo ladies. These ladies that I grew up with in the woo universe. It's just like, I will agree with whatever you say under the assumption that you will also agree with my bullshit. And they are loving it because she's like, you know, Christ is my savior. Christ is the beginning in the end.

And he's like, yeah, and you know, Christ is all you know, and she's like, absolutely. But I mean, the medieval concept of hell, they try to introduce it to scan. She's like, exactly right. They're just, oh, so good. Like when two homeless people get on the subway car at the same time, and they're both yelling about China putting robots in the water and one after another. Nice. And this was the start of a beautiful. Yeah. So yeah. And now we get to the actual black people of Africa. And this is so fucked up. I don't know if this was just by random chance or how likely this was as an answer. But the guy who's interviewing him says, what are your favorite memories of Christmas? He asked these two black girls and one says going from door to door begging for something to eat. And the other one says we always got noodles on Christmas.

Jesus fucking Christ, you know, he's got the interviewer has no idea what to say. He's like, oh wow. So you're not going to buy this Jesus loves you shit. Huh? You're welcome. gonna buy this Jesus loves you shit. Huh? You're welcome. The little. I don't know what to say. And this couple, these two black Africans, they are the two different sides of personality. One is entirely invested and thinks she is the greatest human.

And the other is like, you need to not smoke crack before we do these on camera interviews. He's like, are you a good person and she literally goes, like, I'm the best person, I'm the best person, motherfucker, like 100, she does like the kiss the fingers to the sky thing. She spikes the trophy for best person. She said sitting in her backpack. And then he goes into the whole thing. spikes the trophy for best person she said sitting in her backpack.

And then he goes into the whole thing with her, right? They, oh, but if you ever lied and she's like, you know, have, you know, Jesus says that if you hate a person, you committed murder in your heart. So you've murdered too. Haven't you? And she gives to the stealing question, she gives a very terrifying war lord-esque answer. Some people do not understand that when something is theirs and I need to

make it mine, it becomes mine. Oh, all right. As someone who begged for wasn't a toy, you stole. Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, But then he gets to the part of like have you ever looked at a man with lust and she's like oh fuck yes And he's like so you've committed adultery And her reaction is so Saying

Compared to everyone else in the history of rakeens like she reacts exactly how I always want everyone to react as he's going through this She goes god damn fucking nuts on this guy. Yeah. She was amazing. I brought my nose and I want to bring her to America and make her Heath's wife. Oh, I was a big fan. Two votes. Absolutely.

She was fantastic. This girl is my jam. She's going to cut a ravine into our friend Heath's back, but that is fine. to ravine into our friend. He's back, but that is fine. Long as he behaves himself and isn't a tutu, he'll be all right. And now we move over to the Philippines where I wrote, I bet we get to see somebody get murdered for smoking opium. We didn't, by the way. And again, it's like going to Central America. It's like gee, I wonder if you'll find Christians there in the Philippines. And he just finds one woman the entire segment is just this one woman and she just like she wins and he's like, all right, well Philippines check. She's like, yeah, I'm going to heaven not for being good. It's because the Jews killed Jesus. And he's like, wow, oh, you pass.

We'll start. We're done here. The Philippines are great. Cool. Yeah, she had like the fast track to not talking to Ray comfort there. Yeah. Now you know how to not to be bothered by Ray is just to be like,

Christ my Lord and Savior, it's not through good deeds. It's through giving your heart over to Jesus and bad person. And he's like, oh, all right. And I ask you question, it's the Jews good deeds, it's through giving your heart over to Jesus and bad person. He's like, oh, all right. And I ask you a question, it's the juice. Okay. Great. Great. And yeah, so Reya is apparently like,

well, fuck, we got nothing from the Philippines. So let me define flash mob for you. And basically, when he says here, he just cuts into the middle of the movie to say, you know, flash mobs with Christians songs this time of year are a great way to violate time and place restrictions in a way nobody's gonna punish you for probably. That's the message of this film.

But he makes sure he makes sure you know, like it's not enough just to sing Christian songs that people against their will. You also have to hand out pamphlets. And this is the only actually Christian flash mob. We're gonna see because everyone else is just singing Christian songs, right? But they're just Christmas songs. They're not like, I'm profilitizing. They're just like, I want to, I want to sing a song in the mall because I'm bored. But this is a lady who was like, I'm going to give out Jesus pamphlets.

And it is by far the worst flash mob. They're bagpipes. You can barely hear them. Yeah, right. by far the worst flash mob. They're bagpipes. You can barely hear them. Yeah, right. No, the video is awful. I couldn't tell. I could hear the bagpipes. I could kind of tell what song they were doing from that. And they're giving away those fake hundred dollar bill on the track. Oh, do you ever got one of those? This is a tip. I got absolutely. I got those as a tip. In fact, the reason why they are bigger, you will see them again later. The reason why they are bigger size,

is apparently like people kept getting attacked for leaving fake tips. Oh, good. My good. Someone would just pour water down the back of someone's shirt as my favorite waiter of all time at the place where I worked just walked behind a guy who left

a fake $100 Jesus tip and poured a glass of water down his shirt like he was doing fucking roll up. He was fired, but he's my hero forever. Oh, that's all I wanted to see. I wanted just like 10 TGI Friday's waiters and in stripes to come out and just beat the shit out of this bagpipe or with the bagpipes. 20%. You cheap motherfuckers. Everybody listen. in stripes to come out and just beat the shit out of this bagpipe with the bagpipes. Oh, 20%.

You cheap motherfuckers. Everybody listen. Yeah. So we get some far away, learicle, a humming, and then people clap so we know it's over. That's that. And now we head down under. God, everyone in Australia is so fucking attractive. Oh, geez.

Everyone's two points more attractive. It is very upsetting. Also, as someone who tried to find a Bible on that continent, I know how this video is going to go. Well, yeah, I love this with a long hair kid that they have there where he's like, he's you know, whatever he wins his argument, convinces the kid that he's going to hell. And the kids just giggle and a log like, yeah, man, I'm going to hell forever. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like you're taking this very seriously.

But this kid has the best answer to what do you call someone who steals that I've ever heard on any of these interviews or will ever hear again. Yeah. Right. Okay. Cause that's the way that things push the car. Are you a good person? Yes. A good person. Have you ever stolen? Oh, well, you're a thief. You have your lied. Oh, you're a liar. You're a lying, thiefing blasphemy, fornicating, whatever. But when he asked this kid, this stone-dashed kid, you know, have you ever would he call a person who steals the kid goes a stealer?

Ha ha ha ha. Stealer and the guy is he's so thrown off. He had confused like he had to like flip through his little script. Yeah. flow chart. Wait. Beef. It says just what do I do? I thought you know, not stealer. That's a.

What else would you say? What would you say? Right. Same with leaf. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I love that little what the fuck are you talking.

There's nothing else that happens in Australia that's well that and the fact that he has to like with one kid who's not a thief. He's going like, well, have you ever downloaded illegal music? And like, I was like, up man. Well, just cut over to Metallica checking iPods. It's the early games. I got you, motherfuckers. And now continuing our world tour, we're going to head over. We're going to spend most of the rest of this movie in an exotic land called Los Estados Unidos, because he only got so many people responding to his call. Um, and he, he's at some college somewhere in California, I assume. And he's like, Oh, look, here I am at a local college. And someone's

already beaten me to the crazy. Yes. Already a giddy in their hand and out, Bibles. I still wanted him and rate a knife fight like two hookers working the same corner or something. They kind of do because right? That's like super like he gets all like braggie. He's like, so this guy's a giddy and well, I mean, he's just like an amateur. Christian, I'm a pro now.

I want to be a guy. It's no big deal. I want to pro. They don't, he's a Gideon. Well, I mean, he's just like an amateur Christian. I'm a pro now. Once he comes, it's no big deal. Once come pro, they don't let you be a Gideon anywhere. He can still give out Bible to the Olympics, but I like, I'm for real. I'm a pastor. Don't worry about it. There is definitely a passive aggressive thing about his whole, I used to be a Gideon,

but then I went to the major. No, but you're doing good. You're good. That's good. Batman. So, and we're here, of course, for some man on the street, because we've seen some other, we've seen his accolize, so we have to see the master at work here. So we made a whole new group of man on the streets, including, first of all, the Mexican stereotype man.

Right. What kids were shooting a student film, right? We see a shot of them like one of them is holding a camera. The other one is dressed as a Mexican stereotype and Ray obviously interrupted their filming for his. Yeah, there's no one he will not let noise. And he definitely thought this was like good diversity. He was like, oh, it's a Mexican shot. That's perfect because now it's going to be all the way people otherwise here in the States. And now can you say on delay on delay, a reba, a reba. Yeah.

And also this is where we meet Pock Mark's cowboy. And Marcus. I love Marcus. So fucking much. So Marcus. Okay. Everybody is not going to disappoint. I know we don't tell you to watch all of these movies.

But if you just watch Marcus, Marcus for those of you who are unaware is the fucking crazy person at your college. You remember at college where you'd be in class and it'd be like, Hey, everybody, what do you think of him? And you'd raise your hand. You'd be like, I thought the play was sad. And then Marcus was raised as a man and be like, the play reflects the deepness of my soul. And I read it backwards. Just in case there were messages hidden within that guy. I'm going to be real nice to him because I'm going to watch his Twitter because I know what's going to have his YouTube channel puts up a single video. I am not coming to school that day. You play Hamlet backwards. It says murder everyone on campus, murder everyone on campus.

It's really weird. That's where the last four plays we've read have said that every time you read something backwards, maybe read them forwards, just only forwards. Well, and not only is he the crazy person on campus, but he's also Jewish. Well, yeah, right. Cause he starts off. Ramos like, do you like Christmas? And he's like, that's a stupid fucking everybody likes Christmas, man. Yes.

And he goes, if you accepted Jesus as your personal savior, and he goes, I'm a Jew. And we're done. I wrote runner noise. You practically see the camera fall like a found footage horror film. Stay away from my apple. He's real scared. And by the way, in fairness, this guy's terrifying. Well, he is. He has, but we're not done with Marcus. You think, because he says, I'm a Jew and then it just cuts off like somebody just, you know, like they were trying to film inside GE headquarters or whatever. It just cuts off and you assume, oh, okay, well, he's done with that guy, but no, Marcus will be back. Oh, Marcus will be back. Marcus will return like the tyrannosaurus in the last act of Jurassic Park and devour

rail live. It's so amazing. Anyway, but we'll leave Marcus for a moment so we can focus on black girl who's too poor to celebrate Christmas or business. There was a very dot. She was like, yeah, my family doesn't have money for Christmas. We're also real busy. We're real busy. There was a very, she was like, yeah, my family doesn't have money for Christmas. We're also real busy. We're real busy.

What we're doing is we're building a fort. It's made out of blankets. I don't want to get into it. It's almost seven miles wide and 150 miles deep. It doesn't really have time for anything else. I have four more words to speak this day at Corne de Hosea. Yeah. to speak this day at Corno, Ozea. Yeah. And then also we meet the the Chubby atheist guy, the strong atheist in this bitch with the glasses. Yeah. And the sweet

beard. Yeah. Oh, hmm. I call him Celo Pink in my notes. Hmm, hmm, hmm. I call him Celo Pink in my notes. He is delicious. Yeah, he's pretty cool. He's pretty cool. We also, so we get this one argument where like he asked somebody, you know, do you believe in Jesus and he's like, do I believe that there was a guy named Jesus? Yes, I believe there's a guy named Jesus and he goes, yeah, yeah.

Felt tearing our community apart with your family. He's like, but do you believe you used to sell to God? And he's like, no, no, I don't. He's like, well, but Jesus said good words. So it wouldn't make sense if he was diluted and said good words. Would it? Would it? The guy said,

what? But yeah, no. Either Jesus was crazy and delusional or he was God on earth. That's correct. That's correct You have a question. I identified actually there's a third option where he never actually said any of that shit And the people who wrote it down a hundred years later that weren't there didn't get everything exactly right Oh, sorry, does this sound delusional to you? Yeah, the salt of the earth, but if the salt have lost its savior

Where will where with shall it be salted? It is then sports good for nothing. It's passed out and to be trunned under the foot of men, does that sound like something a crazy person would say? Yeah, right. Well, it goes to the goddamn servant on the mound. That's where Ray goes. Ray's like, have you ever read the sermon on the mound?

That is a monologue that if spoken on the street in vernacular English would guarantee a diagnosis of deluded by any passer by. In fact, it's fucking shorthand. If you have a cartoon and you want to show there's a crazy person on the street, he'll be holding a sign that says the end is nine, which is the thesis fucking statement of the sermon on the mount. And uh, Ray also gives the Jesus split time in two arguments. What the fuck is this? I've heard this a bunch of times.

That's supposed to be BC and A.B. That's the dumbest superpower ever. Are you fucking ready? I'm gonna do it too. Now, ready before and after, I just did it. Past present future. I split in three. I beat Jesus. Stupid.

Well, yeah, I mean, and think about the the formula formulation of this argument. He's basically saying, Jesus is how we count fucking years. Are you calling him a liar? That's the fucking apologetics we're getting from this idiot. Okay. And also, this is also where we meet up for Nando, who is the chubby 19 year old kid who really wants us to think he had sex with the lady. Oh my God. This moment is so good where he's like, have you ever had sex out of marriage? And he's like, yep, sure have. Oh, you know, that's for proof for anything, right? She's pretty. She didn't make me use a condom. It was great. They don't use condoms over there. And they shouldn't. My point is

they shouldn't. Don't use condoms. If I put anything away from our show and oh, and this is also where we get, okay, this is a hard fucking left. As he's talking, all these people, he goes, oh, and do you know what the number one killer of drivers in the US is? What the fuck is this? I would give all my money, because look, I don't care about what things are real and not real. I can barely spell, I can barely speak, but he can know a care about reality. And so I would have given all my worldly goods to watch Noah and he's

Received the answer to this All right, so hold on guys are you you're you're doing it in your head now right what is the number one killer of drivers in the US Heath what's the answer? The answer or raise answer in the US, Heath, what's the answer? The answer or raise answer? Raise answer is ready? Yes. Trees.

Yes. Trees, because trees don't move and you do. That's that's raise answer. That would be like say the number one killer is mortality. It's physics. It's Isaac Newton. It's a Newtonian genocide Isaac Newton killed everybody What the fuck was the point of that inertia is the biggest By the way, if you're wondering how he's going to tie this in to his Jesus lesson,

he's not. Nope. This is purely a trees are coming to get your moment that he just felt like we all needed. Watch out for them. Trees folks. Jesus. We also get more of a Mexican stereotype costume guy. They featured him way more than you think. It feels like Ray got like 30 minutes with Al Jolson and they made him cut it and this was like the compromise. He's like, all right, you gotta let me keep fucking speedy Gonzalez. Otherwise, it's all the way people. Diversity. Yeah. Okay, Ray. Good. Yeah. We'll make sure it's diverse. And since we could all starve to death, wait for a logical break in a rate, comfort movie, we're going to call that the end

to act too. And I'm going to give act three of the hard sell here. Why didn't he put which country it was in Central America? Did he think Costa Rica was too Mexican sounding? Did he just prefer the name that had America in it? Continue in a ponder of those questions and more. When we return for the dad who just bought a it. Continue in a ponder of those questions and more when we return for the dad who just bought a video camera in the 80s conclusion of Christmas gone viral. Coming this summer.

And have you accepted Jesus crossed as your personal savior? I'm a Jew. Yep. Well, he's forgiven even worse than that. From the makers of Audacity, top 10 scientific facts of the Bible, exit the appeal of suicide,

the atheist, Jesus, we've watched all of those. Can I talk to you for a moment about Jesus? I mean, this light is gonna turn green any second. Comes a person completely lacking a concept of personal space boundaries and where do you think you'll go when you die push push that's good does it sir I'm gonna have to ask you to leave absolutely can I talk to the baby when she's done Ray Comfort stars in there is literally no one I won't annoy. And have you ever used the Lord's name in vain?

Dude, I said I'm busy! Sorry, anyway, yes, yes, I do. You may now kiss the bride. Coming, as soon as we clear up these restraining orders. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our hero. It didn't really matter where he was because you could literally walk into any minute of this film and have the exact same experience as if you had watched it from the start. It doesn't matter. But now it's time for the argument from how awesome are hands. The same argument your high cousin wouldn't shut up

about the first time he smoked him up. Ray comfort is going to use to try to convince everyone that Jesus is the son of God. Oh my God. It's so good. So yeah, he goes up to this lady and he's like, you ever really study your hands? And she goes, yes.

And Ray was not ready for that. It's supposed to be like a darker question so he can launch it to like anti-evolution nonsense. But she's just like, yeah, my hands are actually a treasure map to some gold. You can see the malls and he's like, oh god, uh, fuck. Mall marks the spot. Balls are gross, you're gross. We need to find somebody else with hands. We also have hands. Anybody else with hands? Well, yeah.

Okay. So he and also, by the way, at from this point on in the movie, everyone he talks to will come pre-annoyed. I don't know where he, like what they're coming out of it this point, but everyone is so pissed at him by now. And so he goes to a bunch of people and says, you know, have you ever really studied your hands? And then he, he pulls the big question. He's like, can you think of even a single way to make hands better? No, you can't, can you? Moving on. But then he moves on and

he accidentally named the bunch of, yeah, like extra fingers fingers fingers that bet both ways extra thumbs wait. Yeah, no, those at all are a shit. Do a rotating strip. Does that. Yeah, retractable clause. I mean, they're the immunity to carpal tunnel syndrome. Finger bones that don't jam when you catch a basketball run. I wrote down like 31 things immediately when he said that. Yes, I have a list, Ray. And then finally, he's like, like two fingers instead of four would be worse. No, that would be worse. That would be what I say. Yes. Jesus. And the only numbers are two and four. Got it. And in case you're wondering why

I have no notes during this section, it's because my wife immediately yelled pugs for hands. And I spent the next 10 minutes of this movie having a full volume screaming fight with my wife About whether or not it would be practical to have the living bugs that start at your wrist You mean like not like having pause you mean like an actual entire pugs instead of hands and at a pug dog entire plugs instead of hands and at a pug dog. You're a full size or regular like moss and they go to the bathroom and have an independent set of consciousness. They shit into your arm or I'm on top of it. I asked which way to the questions I got unsatisfactory answers.

I'm still giving her the silent treatment. I don't want to talk about it. I wish my hands smelled like Fritos. I like that. They had they do. They they're both smell like Fritos. I don't about it. I wish my hands smelled like fritos. I like that. They had, they do. They, they're plus smell like fritos. I don't know how. That's it.

He like showed me that the other day. They do. That's weird. So yeah, so we go through a few people, we go through the hands argument where basically he doesn't let anyone answer. So we established that you can't make hands any better. So Jesus must have created them since they're so perfect.

And then he goes on and he asks a bunch of other people, hey, do you believe in the stupid parts of the Bible? Now, this is a really weird turn that this takes, but that is actually the next segment of it is, do you believe in even the dumbest shit? Yeah, this whole tangent of this thing is nuts because I will get there. We'll walk along the path. But this path is how come people believe stupid, obviously not real shit? Yeah, spoiler alert. It's because God hates smart people. But we have to get there in a very circuitous route. So we're going to start with Penn Gillette.

Now Penn Gillette will not agree to be in a Ray Comfort movie. And Ray Comfort is super pissed. So now Ray Comfort is like trying to prove to a friend that he has actually met Penn Gillette though in the middle of this movie. Right. Cause he shows the thing from that one movie he had Lawrence Krauss on and he shows that like as Lawrence Krauss was leaving, Pendulate was there and he tried to get Pendulate to sit down with him and Pendled him the fuck off. It's so good. He finally learned his lesson from when he got destroyed. But he like Lawrence Krauss made him cry in whichever movie it was. So this one is just like, I also spoke with Lawrence Krauss. This is him getting up from the couch at the end of our conversation. Hello, Pangellet. Will you talk to me? No, absolutely not. I had to shoot the memory of his snowflake

metaphor out of my brain. It was not fun. Anyways, Pangellet didn't accept my challenge. Yeah. Even he even shows a picture of, and we were actually right across the street when this happened, a picture of the time he stalked Penn at Reason Rally. Right. He's got a picture to see. Here's us in the same picture. Look how annoyed Pangellet looks. So, he appeared to be running away.

Well, yeah, look at him politely shake my hand instead of what spinning into your open mouth and then okay so now he's going to tell us why adults believe childish bullshit in the bible get ready for it here it comes okay no here it doesn't come we got an analogy instead and it's going to start off with this picture. This is the best. This is the greatest. Everyone has this picture, right? You have that picture that your terrifying is going to wind up on the internet one day. You know, and and Ray put it there on purpose.

Okay. So this is him when he was in his early days as a kids entertain entertainer, looking like a moldy tampon failing an audition for 70s porn. It's so creepy. Like back when I was a pedophile serial killer and I had this ridiculous terrifying chucky dot. He looks like he's explaining to a kid how they have to eat another kid to find the key to get the bear trap up their

head. He's fucking pedophile jigsaw. It's terrifying. Well, it gets worse because then then he goes, and I would always line all the kids up and give them candy. And I'm like, I don't like where this is going. Right. When Eli tells me these stories, I have to get Andrew on the line. They're plausible to buy ability and shit. Save that for a second, buddy. We're just going to stop the record there. All right. Right. So you're hanging out on a playground again. I feel like I was super clear about that. Okay. So, okay, but here's his analogy now. So when he would hand out the candy to the kids, the greedy kids would push their way to the front. So he just started to start at the back of the line and give the kids who got pushed

to the back. They're candy first, which is exactly what God is doing with all the dumb shit in the Bible. It's just baby teeth and the fat kid we saw in the pizza place of Chicago just disappointedly watching us. It's Ray Comfort moves on. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. on the pizza place of Chicago just disappointedly watching his as Ray come for moves. Oh, no, no, no, fucking bullshit. You anticipate that and you, you, you, you had your bets. You start moving to the other side. You can see it coming. You can see

you can rest your way back. The pizza is sliding tackles, Ray. No, mother fucker. Got 40 pounds on you. I got a sexual assault lawsuit against Russell Sinomins. We're doing. Russell Simmons raped a lot of people. So all right. So I you know, yeah, the logistics of how you would get the candy anyway are important and everything, but I don't want to lose track of this analogy because what he's saying is that God put the dumb shit in the Bible. So all the

smarty pants who think they knew everything would, you know, move to the front of the line of intelligence. And then he'd do a reverse order of letting people into heaven. The Bible stories were all fucking stupid. That's part of the trick. Yeah. Like a magician just like tore a kid's ear off to get a coin. Just hold the bloody ear like this is to make the same people go away and know that. Yeah. No, his argument is and I'm using his words here. God put the intellectually offensive stories, his words into the Bible to scare off the wise and prudent. Again, his words. God didn't want wise and prudent people believing in him. I mean, sour and wise and prudent

people in God's defense. You ever hang out with stupid people? It is really, really fun. And he stuck with them forever. Like, I've been to some skeptic conventions and you guys are like, blah, blah science. I have two bicycles. Stupid people, they jump off a roof. If you give them a second, always 100% of the time, they will jump off a roof. If you give them enough time, I have never been to a skeptic's invention where someone jumped off a roof. That's all I say. I'm on God's side. All right. Okay. Well, it's good to have that established. We're gonna set up almost famous at ReasonCon next time. Yeah. There you go. I am a golden.

Fuck that. Wouldn't work at an atheist convention. You're right. You're right. God damn it. See? See? I also, I also have to point out this little moment that I love so much. He's talking to a fat kid who definitely had sex with a lady once. And he says to the kid, he's like, do you know why people mock you? And the kid is just like, I feel like it's, it's you that people might like not like, I feel like this whole podcast dedicated to mocking you. But me, I'm just, me, they mock me, crap, I'm a little overweight, you know? You think, no, no, it's because all of that important, intellectually offensive stories in the Bible that you believe.

They're too wise and prudent. No, no, you're the Daniel Baldwin of this whole thing. I just, you know, I'd get that, I'd get that. So okay, so now we have to cut for a moment to a more sober, less Mexican Santa. This is Alan. This is the manager of living waters. Who's explaining that if you dress up like Santa, people will take whatever religious bullshit pamphlets you offer them.

Yeah, they will. I'm sure you could give out mine conflict this too. I'm jealous. Poor Walker with a fuck they are great. Yeah. So we watch Santa give a no, you know, he takes pictures with people because he's Santa. Everyone's taking a picture with Santa.

But then he makes him take his stupid fucking pamphlets as well, which are the bigger $100 bill ones that won't get water down the back. You're sure that apparently, right. which are the bigger $100 bill ones that won't get watered down the back year. Sure. Apparently, right. Um, I love to because he, he brags for a second. He's like, you know, I mean, I, I bought the deluxe Santa suit. Just $60, $60, but you can get a cheaper one. That's why, that's why I'm doing so well here on this weird boardwalk where there's

clearly a chalk circle that a policeman made that I'm doing so well here on this weird boardwalk where there's clearly a chalk circle that a policeman made that I'm not allowed to go. Yeah, right. And there is the best moment in almost anything I've ever seen here where he's like, yeah, I'm giving out a lot of pamphlets and he turns. And for just a second, we see Alan's humanity. As he goes, I was normal before I met you, Ray. I was so sad. It's he goes, I was normal before I met you, Ray. It was so sad.

It's the fucking way. But James Joyce's the dead has nothing on Alan's. He's like the crazy heroin girlfriend of Alan's life. Yeah. Yeah. Just Brian Kranson watching Ray Comfort choke to death on his own vomit. I just wanted a couple of things to happen in the scene that didn't. It would have been great though.

If Alan was going to do a flip over a line of kids, I would have loved this movie forever. If he's or tried and yeah, right. He typically failed and smashed into a lot of kids in Santa costume. That would have made me happy. Oh, we did. We did a little showtime routine and didn't work out. Also really wanted to see a shot of the garbage can on either side of Alan. Yeah.

Just like these camera goes over and just huge pile of stupid $100 bill tracks. Fuck you. So yeah, okay. So now we go back to a few of our men on the street A theists. And this is, I have to like highlight this one question and answer period here where he asked the fat kiddies like, you know, where do atoms come from? And the guy's like, the big bang, where the big bang company is, nobody knows. And Ray goes, wait, wait,

you can't say nobody knows because you haven't asked everybody yet. Does he think that that's how knowing works? Like there's like this one, like Steve is out there somewhere and knows exactly where the fucking big bang came from. And he's just patiently waiting for someone to ask. And the follow up is crazy, dude, it's like, how are you going to make a wild claim? Like, I don't know. That's super arrogant. Dude, it's a magical Jewish warlock. Is how this is all explained.

Stupid. Also, quick thing, what the fuck is on this kid's neck? I know. He has a cut. He has a, like, a cut of some kind of it's a neck, but he is. He looks like ISIS got lazy halfway through a video. Now you know what, you're fine, Fernand, you haven't fucked anyone yet. I have. I told you. Your dog was awesome. All right. Look, that whole condom thing is weird. You obviously made that up. I don't know why you're directing

it. It pretty Something about condoms in you. You need to let it go. I'm telling you it feels way better This is a weird meta-message you're sending. All right Cut it out Spiders coming out of your cut So then we give it you guys probably were wondering why we loved Marcus so much We really didn't give you enough reason to love him. Oh, he's back. Marcus. Marcus is back. Now, we have already talked about Jamaican guy that almost punched the dude in the face when

he asked him about adultery. We already talked about the black girl that ran up one side and down the other. This guy likes fucking squirrel girl or whatever. But this is the guy I was talking about at the beginning when I said, best person that's ever responded to Ray Comfort. This guy is so goddamn amazing. It starts with Ray Comfort trying to do his, I can scientifically prove the Bible to you. No, you can't. Yeah, the guy won't even let him get it out.

He's like the fucking argument sketch from my pee thought. He's like, yes, I get. No, you can't. Nope,'t no it's not possible you can't fucking do it false this guy is not the best rate comfort interview ever because like he's a really well informed atheist with great questions he's the best argument with rate comfort ever because he's a fucking crazy person yeah doesn't who doesn't have the like social cues that most people do that prevent them from telling Ray to Fuck himself and so the fact that he's the Marcus in your class and Marcus is and Ray is setting himself up to say

Well, let me show you how I can prove God exists in three minutes, but Marcus was vaccinated as a child so he's like no No, no, no, no. And keep in mind, I guess his kid has already told him that he's Jewish. So number one, he's trying to talk him out of that. And number two, Ray is arguing with a Jew and he thinks he's gonna win. Yeah, always a mistake. And what would the kids like, all right, fuck, God damn it.

Like what degree do you have? Do you, are you educated even slightly at all? Where he goes, I have a BA, a bone again, and he's like, oh my God, I'm a fucking scrambling with the shoelaces that I haven't looked away from since we started this conversation. So yeah, so eventually like he gives up on Marcus, like he keeps saying, no, I'm gonna give you, it's three minutes, I'm gonna get, I'm a scientifically, and he has, and Marcus like he keeps saying, no, I'm going to give you it's three minutes.

I'm going to get a scientific and he comes in and Marcus is like, no, no, no, no. Now, so finally we cut to another person who is a little more polite with him. So he can offer his scientific proof and here it is. Or here's the beginning of it. I'll let you fill in the rest. Do you think a book could make itself like a full-color book? Now, I want to stop right there and dwell on the fact that in Ray's mind, when he thinks of a book, it has colors. Because every book raised ever read has pictures or is the plan for?

Yes. So yeah, right, or has red letters one or the other. Yeah, right. Or has red letters, what are the other? Yeah, for some light reading and all stat with hop on pop. It's a play on their mother and father. This time, right? But we've got some damn snitches here. So, yeah, so the guys just know a book couldn't make it self. He's like, well, DNA is like a book, too, isn't it? Boom. Boom. Why are there still infinite monkeys? What are you talking about? And then, of course, he rolls back into the fucking 10 commandment stick. And I only point that out because we, we, he gets back to the have you ever used the Lord's name and vain thing.

With the with the fat atheist kid who definitely got laid once and he's and the kids like, yeah, and he's like, you don't even believe in God. Why would you use his name as a swear word? And I've heard that argument that makes no fucking sense. Are you people saying you have reverence for shit? What does that even mean? Anyway, the guys and the kids, of course, as well, I used to be a Christian, but I didn't really believe in it. He's like, oh, then that didn't count. Because, oh, I thought it counted. This whole kid doesn't count.

This kid doesn't count. He's the worst fucking atheist ever. He's got a gaping flesh wound that makes no sense. He's hanging out next to a public bathroom. He's gonna be our science guy, our science knowledge. Atheist guy, no, absolutely not. So then we go back to Marcus and we should point out, at this point, we don't know his name as Marcus.

What we do know is that Rea several times asked the kid for his name and he's like, I'm not telling you my fucking name, dude. It's not real because she's a crazy person. Again, the reason why Marcus is the greatest is because Marcus is a crazy person. So Ray does that whole like buddy buddy. I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you to die. And you sort of like nervously laughing at it cause social cues tell you, but again, Marcus is like inside the box of my mind, there are no names. So he's like, all right, I guess I'll call you Bob, which is his attempted to joke. And he's like, my name's not Bob.

Guess again, and he's like, all right, we're done. But he's not, but he's not, he keeps going. He starts talking about weird shit about sacrificing doves and whatnot. And the whole time Marcus is just looking at him like, I feel like I could just rip the whole face off in one guy, the whole thing would come. Yeah. And of course, the, the Atheist, the fact Atheist get at the same time. He's like, are you worried about, he's like, well, I'm not really worried about hell and raise response. Actual line is, tell me why you don't care about your life. That's his response to, I'm not worried about going to hell. Yeah.

Uh, this whole thing, it's just raised so obnoxious that people don't want to argue with them. And he thinks he's won every argument in his life because this. Yeah. He's like, everybody's just like, please go. You smell like I just opened leftovers for a while. I'll say anything you want. What do you need to go at? Please go away. Right.

Samper Marcus, who's like, Hey, I've noticed we smelled the same. Get closer to me. So yeah, So, okay. And he is at this point just randomly rambling about weird shent these are just the outtakes from his other movies that he's been saving apparently. So he starts talking about Jesus during the story of the, you know, the one amongst you without sin cast the first stone, right? He's talking about that story. And he's like, now in that story,

Jesus wrote in the sand. And nobody knows when he wrote in the sand, but I think it was the 10 commandments. Okay, first of all, this has nothing to do with anything. What the fuck are you talking about? But secondly, that would have taken so long to write in Hebrew. Oh, I want to watch that scene so badly. They're all ready to stone the woman.

He's like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. No, no, it's a khach. I need a shmikh oil. Roman soldier comes over, starts correcting his grammar crossing the south. wheel. Roman soldier comes over starts correcting his grammar cross. There's actually 12 technically with these two, I guess, we'll cross that out.

Just cross that out. So and also, there's a couple of times in here when the Atheist he's talking to because again, you know, he picks these people obviously he looks for people who like are just putting out the joint. He looks for people who are like obviously not going to be or at least as he looks for his clear

side as he can, that the people he's going to talk to are not going to be intellectual giants. But even then they always manage to accidentally like completely thwart his arguments. Right. Like get the point where like this kid goes, um, well, okay, let me ask you this. Why does God let babies get born with diseases? They're going to kill them two weeks later. To which race has, well, you're going to have to figure that out. But anyway, answer as we got in is, I'm in love with the church. Go is, you're just going to have to figure that out. Yeah. Exactly.

You don't know those babies. They're maybe probably asshole, baby. Even wraps up. He's like, no, maybe you shouldn't be worried about other people. Maybe you should be worried about yourself. And the other people are dying babies to baby welding a giant golden path. He has to come out of his eyes. I deserve this. One of the baby. Oh shit. And then the guy says, well, okay, well, explain to me why an omnipotent God is bound by

rules that require himself to be sacrificed to which race says, are you saying right? This should just go free. Is that what you say?? I mean, yes, I'm here to college in California. So yes, saying that too, but I don't know how fast they're swim times. I'm just asking. Yeah. Right. And the kids is at one point. He goes like, he's like, even though I'm an atheist and Ray has to cut him off. He's like, now, now you used to be an atheist. Then I'll use that clever DNA thing. Remember with the book You're not stupid anymore and think atheism is true You're not stupid and you see the guy be like, okay, so that's the Not of apologetics

Yeah, you heard how I said the Bible's for stupid wait, fuck, did we land on stupidity good? And then I guess suddenly Ray remembers he was supposed to be doing an international thing so he got a hungry for a flash mob on a train. If you sing on my train, I will shittin your mouth. Let me tell you something. I've lived in New York for 11 years. Every single time someone of the appropriate size has started to sing or rap on my train. I take out my

phone. I turn the volume up and I talk along with my book on tape and I will do that to your silly Christian flash mob. Hi, Power and a sorcerer. I stoned by JK Rowling, right by Jim Davis. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. I gotta say like, honestly, when he was doing it at the mall, when the people were doing it, the mall was like, oh, that's nice. They're at the mall. You know, you expect Christmas. You're just gonna get the mall. When he started doing it on a train, I was like, oh, fuck you.

No, I was thinking about that. He's trying to listen to a fucking podcast over there. You see that guy trying to listen to a fucking podcast and you're screaming and wailing at him. He's a beautiful singer though. No, he really good boy. You got to admit, I love how they, they, they're in Hungary here. So at the beginning of this, they pan across the like sad Eastern European faces. Yes, things are bleak here and less.

Oh, me. And oh, my God, it's so good. And it's way better than me. Yeah. No, yeah, actually, it was, it was, it was beautiful, amazing. Amazing grace is such a good song. Well, and silent night, the Korean ladies sing in silent, night, that was quite nice. If you just left in the YouTube flashmob and took out all the bullshit rake comfort and stuff, this would have been a pleasant little six minutes. I want to be Christian for the next. I really like Christmas, Christmas songs and it's good stuff. Yeah. Well, you have to be Christian to like Christmas songs. We just be like the good to press Tyson apparently. He can't be an atheist anymore anyway. Um, so okay. But Ray is

still bow. Yeah. You okay? You guys find, find, find a, find a living. You guys have fun. Um, so yeah, so lie. We can lie too. I don't see why they're the other. All liars and fatibs and adulterers. Yeah, that's true. No, that's true. It's a requirement for the job. So okay, but Ray Comfort, by the way, is still bound to on Jew Marcus, right? So we cut back to some more man on the street things. I love to, because then we had a whole bunch of him asking people, when's the last time you read the Bible and all of them are like, oh, last Thursday.

I was, I read it. Cover to cover. Yeah. I also love the one girl, he's like, did you really read it? Did you really, and she's like, yeah, there was some guy giving out the, Bibles at the college and he's like fuck to get in god damn it

Anyway, and also I want to point out because the girl that he's talking to right then He says she says like yeah, well, you know when I get depressed sometimes I read the Bible It's like do you get really depressed and then it just awkwardly cuts whereas lawyer made him take out the part where he said the bible could cure that right where evil universe andrew was like nope and then we get the i'll think about it montage but of course we have to we can't end this thing until we wrap things up with Marcus. Where he's going like, hey, but now now, now I've just said so many words in a row and you've been trying to get a word in edge wise, but I've never really paused or taken a breath at any point and allowed you to respond. So now does all of that make sense?

Marcus is like, all right, man, like the last sentence you said was comprehensible. Like, there was, you made it was a sentence, but still not going to stop being Jewish. I never thought that was going to happen. It's not. Now that you've concluded your word segment, I've decided to embrace your, your ideas and thoughts in the third journal of the morning song. I'm going to go and be in every English class Eli ever take. And then I'll tweeted him from skeptic 43.

In my free time. So then okay, and then we wrap everything up. We go back to C low pink. And we haven't really, because like, you know, all of these guys sort of blend together, all the man on the streets as we're going through it. We haven't really talked about this guy. We haven't mentioned what a sexy fucking voice this guy has. Oh, when he asked if he's ever looked at woman with a lust in his heart, he goes like, yes. And I was just like, blue,

hash, yellow pink. Yeah. That's queen. Well, yeah, he asked the guys like, um, you know, do you have a Bible? And he's like, no, he's like, give me your address. I'll send you one. And I'm like, that is not why Ray wants that sexy bastard's address.

I just thought I'd deliver it in person. Yeah, it was a gift. And so was what was underneath it. Open the box. Open the box. Have you ever wanted to have sex with a human beard? But then we have to make sure that we know that Ray is a man of his word. So we watch him pack the Bible for Celo Pink.

And he throws, he throws words. There's original. It's the bottom with original literally, but not he doesn't just like put where there's a ridge I feel like this took multiple takes like he's playfully sprinkles the man. And like he put a minute and someone and he was like no, no, I want to be fun with it. I want to be fun with it. Do it again. We'll go roll it back one more time. One more time. And then he was like click click click click click and like slowly like he might as well spray some perfume and seal the Bible with a kiss.

He might as well spray some perfume and seal the Bible to kiss. Except for the most possibly old man pouring ass way possible because it's where there's originals. Yeah. So yeah, so we watch him pack up the Bible to send to him and he's and he then he shows us all the man on the streets that he wasn't able to turn Christian and he's like, don't forget to pray for all of these characters in the movie. At this montage, we'll get us almost to an hour. Almost to an hour and we're done.

Oh, he gave me so close. He made like, what, 57? Yeah, 58 and a half, I think it was. Yeah, the credits really close. All right. So we've watched enough of these Ray Comfort movies that I'm sure all of us have have dreamed from time to time of his unsuspecting ass wandering up on us for a man on the streeter and how we would like slowly coax him in by pretending that we had no

idea what was coming. So we'll start shitting in our hand. So if that happens in closing tonight of all the questions that we've ever heard Ray ask, which one would you most hope he asked you on camera and what would be your answer? Okay. It doesn't matter what the question is, I'm going to do the repeat game until just his ears start leading. He's going to repeat everything he says until he have you ever stolen anything

Right you ticket me now. Yeah, I would absolutely go with Kenna book form itself because I would just be like yep Absolutely necronomicon my friend But it cannot be destroyed because evil can't be broken You get it. You get it. Shangra la. I didn't get ready to murder me. If I straight face that, Ray would stab me in the heart and no jury would convict him. He thought that shit was real. That's on Eli. Pick her in the easiest year book. And well, that's gonna do it for a review of Christmas gone viral. That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to pay the bills.

So Eli, tell us what Daniel Baldwin's on deck. Makes sense. I get it. No, that's good. That's good. We should do that. And next week, we'll be watching Mir miracle on 34th Street, the old one. Me, I'm gonna go on record now.

I said, this is a weird choice Eli. Is that I'm gonna go on record now and say as someone who recently watched this movie, you are not ready for how crazy this movie is. This movie is way, way crazier than you remember it being. All right, not the Mara Wilson one. The old one with black and Adely Wood who got killed on the boat, because she did too much coke and then they hit her with a board and she drowned. Is that all accurate?

Yes. I don't feel like that all adds up. I feel like I feel like if you, if you got hit with a board and then thrown over board, it wasn't really the Coke's fault. Natalie, I don't know that that's a level of cocaine. I don't know. I've done a lot of cocaine. I've never gotten to that level of cocaine. And if you'd like to help us do even more, I don't over to patreon.com forward slash

God awful. Just a bad advent calendar. Yes, sir. No, it's going to be a fun citation needed. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up a one 22 to one merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors out. Make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the orangish, you can prepare episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby, we're an early access to every episode. You can also help us to stun by leaving us five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and only a very

social media platform. So if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows. The skating aides the skepticocrat and Citation Needed, available at iTunes Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or sit about suggestions, you can email Godoff from movies to gmail.com. Legal Services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatt, Nick Avivle, Drafts on Mars.

All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely, Bob, and the Com, no illusions problems to work hard to honor another chunk next week. Until then for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right in Eli Bosnick, I'm No Illusion's Promise to Work Hard to honor another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club glow. Atheist autistic Jewish guy slowly

loosened Ray Comfort's skin in a pit. And now he is Ray Comfort. RIPPING Jamaican guy will fornicate whenever the fuck he wants. African girl is the best fucking person ever. Oh, I love that this movie gave us three people who we would all want to do one on the Washington. African girl, if you are listening, hold me.

She's listening. 1865, 309 Alright He interviewed Roger I'm so scared. Not only a listener to our show, but one of those guys who sent those long personal messages on Facebook, or even say, I don't know why I'm telling you this, but here's the history of my life. And an inside joke from episode 103. Yeah. Right. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.