God Awful Movies - 127: Moment of Truth

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Moment of Truth; the story of nothing happening for 30 minutes, and us trying to figure out what to talk about. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

What if it was supposed to be a music number and then day of the shoot they realized that the black people weren't professional break dancers They had just assumed that they were like alright Marshall. This is your opportunity was like Booch, da boob boob. Stop. What are you doing? Look at me, look at me, what are you doing? Boob boob. Boob boob. Stop. Stop, I can see it. Boob boob. Stop it. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be front Heath and right. Heath, welcome back. Glad those bones spurs are healing up nicely. Thanks. No, no, no idea what that means, but I usually make a formulaic observation here. So you want to know who can go fuck themself? Who's that? Every website that's a slideshow.

I fucking hate that. I just want to see like what Kelly Kempowski looks like now or whatever. It takes the fucking average. He's not even in it. Bullshit. Fuck you. Amen, brother. Also, you don't need to send us that deslitify website that displays everything into different

corners of the screen as a way of quote unquote helping. We get it. Thank you. That's also a pain in the ass. And by the way, that voice over there 81 miles to my right. That was my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm pretty good. Hey, Facebook, you know what the worst way to advertise is a video in the middle of my video. That's the worst way to advertise. I'll never finish that video.

Now, be like, we cured cancer. All you need is lemon and if a video starts I'm not reinforcing that behavior. Well, I if that is the start of a video, I don't give a fuck if there's an ad in an or not if I see might a few of them videos. So yeah, but but I get your point nonetheless. All right. So got off a website's portion of the show is over. For Forbes to, it doesn't even go. You're forced to go. I'm a guy. I'm going to sign up to what, don't post an article that makes me buy a subscription. To read it. I don't know. Or even shadows it over and gives me a quote of the day. Just I did I quit did I click on your fucking quote of the day? No, yeah anyway So I never want the thing with the shadow over I've never ever wanted it right exactly so we've done a 127 of these movies

We just want to talk about something else with you Yeah, well, we do you ever think of that? How are we? The other thing too, by the way, is that this movie's 26 minutes long and nothing happens. So get ready for a few diverse stalling. You're stalling. You're stalling. You're stalling stalling stalling stalling stalling stalling stalling stalling stall. No start over. Start again. You sounded weird at the beginning. installing Yeah, you missed a you missed an L2 so tell us if what will we be breaking down today all right We watched

We watched moment of truth. Yep. It's the story of a high school kid finding God just in time for fucking something. But it's also accidentally a gay interracial love story. Yes, it is. Which is fun. Sure is. Well, it's multiple gay love stories. One of them is interracial.

It's very accidentally progressive. And Eli, how bad was this almost gay porn? Well, if you're on your desperate third attempt to make evangelism seem cool and someone in your writer's room just yelled, star trick after a 20 minute. You will love this movie. This is your pastor crossing his arms in front of his chest. The movie. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. So I noticed this before I even watched the movie. This is amazing. This is how the Christian film database summarizes the movie. This is the closest they can come to pretending this movie has a plot under film synopsis it says, the truth is like a light in the darkness. When it's gone, all that's left is the darkness. That's it. Right? That's the plot of this. Okay, here's the thing though, the quote unquote plot of this quote unquote movie is that

one quote unquote kid of person other quote unquote kid. A ride home after his car quote unquote breaks down. And along the way, he tells him about quote unquote salvation. This desperate and tragically failed effort to make that seem cinematic. That's what this movie is about. Right. That and a heavy handed metaphor that like reminds you of George W. You know, when

you explain something, we're all mice and there's a maze. And we're moving each other's cheese, but at the same time upon reflection, I will be a good president. No, no, no, no, again, dammit no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, want to just cut in and say, no, no, no, I get it. It's you that doesn't get your analogy, right? All right. So I feel like we've stalled long enough. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna say best worst Christian movie getting infiltrated by gay propaganda without realizing it. We started to mention this already. So this is a character in this movie. Everything he says can mean God or also gay butts as like every sentence every word. It's always like you got to choose to receive Jesus. Just back right into the love that's come to you. Love Jesus. But almost certain it's a gay

actor who did this on purpose. like for spite. It's amazing. Yeah. Well, I think there was a lot of spiteful gay actors in this one. The angels in the movie were also quite flamboyant, which leads me to my best, worst term of endearing. Throughout the movie, the Gangel characters will refer to God as the master. And it is every bit as creepy as you would think that would be. Why would they do that? Because their attempted angels here was like, you know what kids like? That star trek show.

So we'll just like wink around with star trek and angels. I'm going to go with best worst way of helping. Now, look, I know I didn't grow Christian. Christian, a lot of our listeners did. And so when I say, are there actually prayer chain phone calls? I'm gonna get a lot of tweets telling me that they're real and you were a part of them. And sometimes I think my whole job is just learning about terrifying things that are real. Yes. Why? Why? Are they real? Do you guys know already? I'm sure they're totally real. There's no way they're not. Every time I see something in a movie and I'm like, that's not real. Richard, Richard, the fake name, nine people tweeted me and they're

like, actually, he made the dark crystal and I'm like well I can fuck myself All right, well, we can't exactly promise you Christian home our aronisism and then make your way to round for it So we're gonna keep the break brief and when we come back We'll dive into all the low budget 80s music video outtakes that are Moment of truth No, Diane you want listening to me. I don't work for exposure. I work for money and garlic bread. Okay, yeah, well, you call me back when you have a better offer. Hey, Carl, what's, uh, what's up? Oh, hey, Heath. Well, now that I'm the most beloved character

on our show, the office just keep pouring in endorsement deals stuffed animals. My own movie, I can't keep track. Wow. Yeah. Um, looks like you could use some help actually. Oh, trust me. I'd love that. Heath, but who has time for expensive hiring websites or the pain of waiting through a

thousand resumes? Right. Well, why don't you try zip recruiter.com. Zip recruiter.com. What's zip recruiter.com? Welliprecrooter.com. What's ziprecrooter.com? Well, it's the smarter way to hire. Ziprecrooter posts your job to over a hundred of the web's leading job boards with just one click.

Then, Ziprecrooter actively looks for the most qualified candidates and invites them to apply. No wonder 80% of employers who post on Ziprecrooter get a quality candidate through the site in just one day. Wow, Zippercrooter really does sound like a smart way to hire, but it must be super expensive if they do all that stuff for you, right? Actually, you can find out today why Zippercrooter has been used by businesses of all sizes and industries to find the most qualified job candidates with immediate results. Right now our listeners can post jobs on Zip Recruiter for free. For free?

That's right. For free, just go to ziprecruiter.com slash God awful movies. That's ziprecruiter.com slash God awful movies. One more time. Sure, one more time. Try it for free, go to ziprec recruiter.com slash God awful movies. You sold me heath. Hey, you think I can hire someone for belly rubs on that? Probably not.

Okay. And when they say we should hang yeah, they're asking you on a date Well, why don't they just say that guys guys? I got you a present. Oh, dude. That's nice I have to do this. I mean Christmas was last month. I know, but I saw it and I thought it was just like perfect for you guys One second before you open it. Let me get ready ready for And he's got a flame thrower. Eli, what is the, uh, was the flame thrower for body? Oh, this is in case you don't like McGift. I'm going to, I'm going to burn you.

You know, burn you. Okay. This is what I was expecting. Why are you going to burn us if we don't, sounds like you already don't like your gifts. Sorry. Where is no, no, we't? Sounds like you already don't like your gifts. Sorry, where is, no, no, we like gifts. We love, I'm sure we will love them. They're great.

Oh, it's a pillow case. I like it. And you're used pillow. Yeah, you guys like them? Oh, they just the best. What I always wanted. Great. Wow. God, you guys like him. Oh, the just the bass is what I was wanted. Great. Yep. Wow. God, you were right. This is a great way to give gifts. Pulse is so.

Who are you talking to? And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to start this off with a sigh relief. The title in this movie managed to be at a movie like font. It stayed in the same place the whole and we're gonna start this off with a sigh relief the title in this movie Managed to be at a movie like font and stayed in the same place the whole time. They're getting good at this shit guys Marshall is learning how to do it. I just wrote in my notes. I really only have one question when is the musical number Yeah, well don't tease the audience like we were tease there is no None number none Yeah, well, don't tease the audience like we were teased. There is no none. Number. None. Diculous.

Yeah. So, okay. So we start off, we see a child's drawing on the fridge, mom in the kitchen, or she belongs. Okay. And the kid is terrible at drawing. This does not belong on the fridge. Well, not that high on the fridge.

Parents need to have a second failure fridge for shitty stuff. I think that should be like prominently the bad report cards. You're a failure. They're on the freezer and the fucking garage. Yeah. Exactly. All right. So moms in the kitchen where she belongs. Little boys drawn another fridge ornament dad comes home. Kid runs the same at this point in the movie. I'm 49 seconds in the movie froze as if to say you got it. You got what's going on. Oh, and also, by the way, the music note I have for this, for this scene is you paused the game, but you were in a town. Yeah, it's this weird, like creepy, xylophone music.

My music note is I'm about to get murdered by a clown. Well, right. Yeah, because then it turns all dark and scary, right? It goes from that, like, you know, tinkly music, box music to this, like really creepy thing. See, we see that dad has brought his son a flashlight. There's a heavy handed fucking. So the bringer of light is the father, huh? So I see what you're, no, and but as bad as this is still going explain it later. I might as well bring the cat to get a bag of way and like a nugget of truth.

It's just stupid. Get your light. Good one. Yeah, so the music turns dark and scary. A storm wells up around them. The kid and the dad go upstairs. Mom is tied to a rocking chair and screaming around a gag. What's happening here?

Spoiler alert, that's a metaphor. This is not a memory. I thought this was like a super, duper dark memory. Nope, this is all part of the metaphor. Yeah, but we don't get told that it's a metaphor. No, we just see like a dad and a kid who are like pretty happy about the whole situation. I was, um, gagged and bound on a chair.

It's like the kids thinking about buying this house and the dad's like just giving them the tour. Yeah, right. And here's the, uh, the master bedroom at the hostage. Here's the, what? Lots of light. I don't know if you've noticed lots of a line. No, before that one. Dan, no, master bedroom, master bedroom. Yeah. So they, so they

see, Bob, I'm all just tied the fuck up. This is a metaphor for divorce, by the way. And right, like I figured at least it was if it was going to be a metaphor, it would be a metaphor for physical abuse, but no, this is a metaphor for divorce. It's not a very good metaphor too. If anything, if you want to divorce metaphor, the woman should be untied from a Christian husband. Yeah, exactly. Christian divorce metaphor.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, go out. So yeah, so they walk past that. They go down this nine mile long highway with children's drawings all the way along it. So this kid is a fucking 14th place trophy winner for sure. Gross. And then dad pushes him into a closet and locks it.

It's just like, yeah, right through this door, step inside. I'll finish my sentence terrifying room. A dark is here locked you in. Yeah. So the kid is locked in a closet with nothing but a flashlight. And he can't see all of the light. If only he had Jesus. All right. And then we learned and we've already sort of like hinted around to you about it. Keep in mind, we had no fucking idea going into this movie that it was going to be a sci-fi. So we see this timer counting down. We get a message from Mission Control. We back out and there is what I can only describe as a man who's been desperately trying to find work since the

market for Durand Durand background dancers crashed. He's suddenly looking. This, apparently the standard, first of all, they're wearing the like, you know, whatever, the V shaped alien generic shiny suits. Yeah, it's like they were extras on the Apple and they just like hung around the old disposed costume bin right before the orgy started and they were like, well, I'll take a couple of these. Marcelle, you'd give us six extra dollars if we brought our own costumes. So yeah, and by the way, also the standard issue hairdo for angels in heaven is apparently

frightened goose. Oh, these angels each have a helmet of mallet. It's the mullets. It's making them breathe like Darth Vader. It's crazy. A man's helmet like Roger Cadal should be doing research on these mullets. It's like a lab. Super Saiens turned into Garfunkel.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, all right. So by the way, we did, they don't say right away that these are angels or whatever. So I'm not sure if they're about to anal probe that kid from the closeters. I don't know what's going on here yet. But these are angels and the master is sending a message from mission control that says, Hey, what is it? First, what is this character's name? I have chat. I see

Jeff in some of the notes. I have. I have. I have. I'm I have. I have. Yeah. I have. Jeff at one point. Yeah. So I have chat. Chat. Chat. chat chat and Jeff will represent the same character But he has to fill in the new guy. There's a new angel that just got hired from where the fuck does he get him from Cypher Cruder like I'm like how does someone become a new angel brings up all sorts of theological questions, right? Because we learned that the new guys not from earth, which means that there are creatures with souls on other planet. Like Mars took Mars. He'll take a hard right in this film into God. It's just so that like people can wear triangles on white outfits. It is. There's lots of questions. I have questions that will not be answered. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, we will try

to we'll fill in some answers. We'll try to make it all make sense as we go. But before we get to the details on the angels, the two gay angels meet each other, we have to cut to our main character norm. Now norm was the kid that was in the closet earlier, but he's all grown up now. So much so that he's 25, but he'll be playing a high school kid anyway. And he's in the locker room all bummed about getting dumped. Yeah. And we see him flashing back to being broken up by the first recipient of a pelvis to cheekbone transplant. It looks like. Talk about albino girlfriend. Yeah. She looks like the lady from like the bacon and eggs poster at the diner. She came right on and she was in a cigarette ad too from like the 80s.

She looks like Kate McKinney dressed up as a white lady. Yes. Right. No, this woman is impossibly white. And also she is struggling to act in a way that makes me feel sorry for earth. Like I would have known Trump was coming if I had seen this acting before. I'd be like, fuck, we're doomed. Yeah.

The Ricky Fock a soul of acting her hands are just rising up. I don't know what to do in my hands. I don't know what to do in my hands. I want to explain by the way, I feel like white lady, she's Kate McKinnon. She's lesbian and I feel like that was a positive thing that I was I was pointing out there like white is bad lesbian's better than white lady. Yeah, no, those are just taking categories. Yeah, it's better to be are we ranking the this isn't racist anymore. We're just now ranking

demographics that's better. That's a bad. We're moving up everything's all the demographics. Everything's just so well. I can do this. I can do this. No, you can't actually so he is definitely best gay. So the fucking best, right?

You're just with your buddy getting a beach. And I think it's great. So no, no, let me definitely rank high on this list somewhere. Anyway, that's what I'm saying. Thank you. Thank you. So the effectiveness bias is as usual. Anyway, so now dad shows up right?

The kids in the locker room remembering the impossibly white lady breaking up with him. And dad shows up in the locker room. He's like, you know, I thought you could use someone to talk to, but then he disappears because he's only imaginary dad, I guess, the artsy. I didn't understand how this fit into this movie or any of it. It doesn't, does he hallucinate? I don't understand the character. It doesn't make any sense. Like, he does that thing that like they're flashing, like, that you might want someone to talk to someone to talk to someone like you're supposed to do that at the beginning of the flashback, but they're in one and then they don't flash to something. Yeah, exactly.

I feel like the director got confused about like where they were in the, they just got caught in a loop for a while. Right. Like as if he was just going, it's like he said, I wonder what that would be like, what that would be like. And then it waved out and came back and like, yeah, it was probably pretty weird. Um, and okay. So now we go back to fucking planet yearbook laser background. Um, and this is where chat is meeting the new angel, a not a non, a non. Yeah. Anyway, these two guys could not be more about to fuck right. We will see two guys who are more about to fuck later in this film, but these two right

away are like, wow, you have the most amazing bouffant. You too. Oh, they could fit them into each other somehow. It's like a perfect puzzle piece. Each hair twines with each other hair. I'm so to it. But we learn that ab blob or whatever doesn't have time on his planet. Yes. Yes. This is them trying to be like science fiction. I guess or whatever. And he's like, Chets like, Oh, we only have a certain amount

of time before this ticking clock stops ticking. And and a non has has to ask him what time is Like like the absence of a time dimension wouldn't bother you until you saw a clock You show up in a place with a time dimension for a while you're fine, but then you're like what is the number? That's the problem. Yeah, like hey, you notice how the conversation is working where I say something and then you say something, have you not noticed that up until this point? It's a point. Yeah.

All right. So they go back to their little matrix computer to watch Norman. Apparently they're peaking at their Norman's guardian angels, I guess. And the countdown above that we saw earlier is the countdown until Norm meets Jesus. He's going to have his one chance to meet Jesus in exactly like 34 minutes or whatever it is.

And he better not blow it. Right. This is the countdown to when you figure out that Jesus is super important and everyone has one. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's in fact, the countdown to his moment of truth, title, draw. But it's no, no, there's no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this somehow. So we, okay, but first we, before we get to all of that, we have to cut to the cool kids outside of the school,

chatting about how awesome it is to avenge the last for the Lord. Oh yeah. My time traveling high school self, like crawled out of my mouth and tried to bully these kids. It was like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, like, like, like, like, I was like, it's okay. We have a podcast now. We have a podcast.

It's okay. Okay. Well, what would you make fun of them for? I mean, they're listening to some deaf stupid beats and there you have some cool parking lot high school time. Somebody definitely used that phrase, by the way, like deaf stupid beats was written in the script and they were like, all right,

we'll come up with something. I don't know what they mean. Molly Madsen's hanging out with them. Fuck you guys. Walks away. I wanted so bad for them to be a Christian break dancing crew. What? Because we see, we hear this music and we like eventually pan over to the group, but they sadly do not have a piece of cardboard down.

I have a sneaking suspicion. This was where the musical number was supposed to be, but someone at Marcel finally put their foot down. Remember how we did two hate crime music numbers in a row? Maybe we got this one. Yeah. What if it was supposed to be a music number and then day of the shoot,

they realized that the black people weren't professional break dancers. They had just assumed that they were like, all right, Marshall. This is your opportunity. It was like, all right, Marshall, this is your opportunity was like, man, you know, a boot, boot, to boot, stop. What are you doing? Look at me. What are you doing?

Boop, boop, stop. Stop. You see. Stop it. So, but instead of all that awesomeness, we, we see, and by the way, the only thing I can think because I just did this interview last week for, for the scathing atheist, the only thing I can think is this is the world Seth Andrews grew up in, right? This kid who stand in there, like sort of the leader of the Christian evangelism crew,

that's who Seth dreamed of being, when he was a kid. He would watch this movie and be like, yeah, that's kind of like me, I guess probably. Anyway, so Norm walks by this group. He's so broody, so very broody. And the vaguely ethnic girl in the short pink shorts says, um, hey, why don't we Jesus up norm for a little while? All the acting is dumb. It's not good at saying words. Oh my God. Wow.

Yeah. Anyway. So yeah, but then norm like ghost was car and he sees that his albino girlfriend is with her new boyfriend. So he squeals angrily away. I wrote in my notes, hit him with your car norm. Moum down. And when the wheel's, he was like, oh, no, I control the movies. I have my notes, hit him with your car norm, moumed out. I was like, oh, no,

I control the movies. I have a weird superpower. There would be so much gay sex and Disney movies. There would be. Yeah, yeah, exactly as much as what's pretty much all the movies as much as Tony Perkins thinks there is yeah Mostly the so yeah Was that a Disney anyway, so yeah, he drives off the version of the clubs But a Disney case exactly. All right. Yeah, like I said, very short movie guys, few distractions today. Um, anyway, meanwhile back with the space angels, chat has to explain Lucifer to a non. Oh, and I should point out by the way, there's this painful echo effect throughout when the angels

are there to make them sound more. Spacey. Yes. Off. Also, there's this amazing moment where he's like, uh, Lucifer, he's telling the story of Lucifer and he goes, Lucifer was sent down to earth. And I was like, okay, so wait, there are other planets which means that Lucifer only operates on earth. Like there's no Satan on other planets like where's this angel's from. I don't, I think that angel was just born,

just angel born, I don't, yeah that angel was just born just angel I don't yeah who the I yeah like again we have questions um but chat is explaining the whole thing about how everybody is born with a god-sized hole in their heart and they need it filled but Satan doesn't Satan tries to fill it with sex and drugs and rock and roll and shit um he also explains at this point that Satan made Norm's dad abusive so that he wouldn't like dads in general and therefore would not like the holy father. Right. And Adnan is like, Hey, why doesn't God just stop him from doing that so that everybody totally believes in Jesus and Jeff is like, I'm going to need

you to shut the fuck up. Do you have shut the fuck up? And by the way, small thing, Jeff talks like Zach Braff and nobody likes that. Like his mouth needs to be like way out in front of his face for the noise to work. Is he seems to think that? Do you guys hate Zach Braff, but love scrubs anyway. That's how it is for me. I hate him, but I love that show. I don't know who that is. I don't dislike Zach Braff.

I'm neutral to Zach Braff. JD. Anyways, love that show. I feel about Zach Braff the way I feel about popery in a bathroom. I'm not like, yay, and I'm not like, fuck you. I'm just like, that's there. Zach Braff, the popery in the bathroom of scrubs.

Yeah, so a couple of diversions here and there, guys. You want a 10 minute episode? We meet some my guy and he talk about Jesus and he accepts Jesus, all right. And I'm wearing a brand new breakfast club, plus. We're doing this for you. For you, ask us some questions sometime. Maybe you get a longer episode.

How am I? Fine. I'm meditating a lot lately. I ask you how you are every week. All right. So this is by way, when we revisit that metaphor from the beginning of the film and learn that it was not about abuse at all. This was about divorce and basically the angel just walks us through the metaphor frame-by-frame seat.

See, mom's tied up now because you see, yeah, why show it when you can show it and then tell it and then show it. And as much as I'd like to talk about this being like condescending, I didn't get it. So I was like, wait, Norm's father wanted a divorce, so he tied her up instead. I can't hear it. I'm in the middle. I can't hear it.

Yeah, like what happened there? Like I want a divorce. No, cool, cool. Never mind. Let me show you my collection of ballgags and rope. This is cool. You want to check this out? Let's try it.

Where will I put the kid while we take care of this? Yeah. Right. But he spells out this long whole thing about how, you know, because he's been locked in the darkness without God, the guide him. He's all miserable and blah, blah, blah. Like that, you know, explains the plot of the movie, I guess. Yeah. We had a flashback here to a norm having a water fight with 2% milk, the girlfriend. Yeah. They're doing like a car watch thing. And she like splashes them a little and then he splashes her back and then she splashes back. Let me just throw this out. The least realistic

thing about this movie is a woman who was delighted by you splashing water at her. Girls don't want you to throw water at them. Ever. They want to throw water at you. And then it's over. That's it. It's one sided aggressive thing. They are the United States of water fights.

He also, he chases her around for a moment in this thing. And she turns around and she's got like the, uh, the hose and she's going to spray him, but I wanted so badly for her to have an actual gun, which is what my wife is. No, she just wh, just like the rest of the movie is him going blind at the E.R. trying to clear his up. All right. So we wrap up that memory.

We cut back to the present moment where Norm's car is broken down at the red light and we can tell that because there is a heurus Sheema level of smoke pouring out from under the hood. Yeah. Car broke down like Eli's piece of shit car because Eli's four. Really sad. Who could really really sad? No, Eli tried to pay for dinner the other day as card got declined. I'm very. How? How? How? How? How?

Dary you, sir. My black card, my American Express Black card, which I have never have. You have nothing like that. So you would even let me touch one. If I touch one, it turns into a master card. Literally, I can change like a magic trick that is based on poverty and overstepping. Yeah, right. How much debt. So, okay, so his car's broken down, smoking like crazy. This guy pulls up and he says,

Hey, man, you need some help. You think? Hello, man character. Hello, black character. I'm so, so bad. He's like, yeah, man, my car's got a busted water pump. And he's like, Oh, that's why it's smokeier than Bonneroo. I see that. No, it makes sense. Now why there's a guy standing behind it with a fucking fire extinguisher blow. Yeah. Anyway, you need to click this switch that goes from water to smoke. You click it back. That's the problem here. Also, he takes a ride from black guy and he's just like, all right, that car is here now. Is that car just in the In the 1950s, what did you do when cars broke? Did you leave them by the side of the road for like homeless children with smudgy faces

to live in from now on? Okay, first of all, this was filmed in the 90s. And secondly, you privilege rich fuck when your car breaks down. That's exactly what you have to do with it. Generally speaking, if you're poor, you have to go into the business and say, man, my car's broke down. I promise

I'll be back for a day or two. I get paid. So exactly. You throw them away when they ran out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Time for a new BMW. Let it roll into the house of the Schmenderson's. They'll be fine. Smash.

Rambo. We were not well liked. See how my character jumps back and forth. Yeah, that's the credit card. He's bottled through the cards away. You don't know where I am. You don't know the real me back. Back it for the poor one.

It's the poor one. The card thing I had. He was really embarrassing. He's the little thing. I was just revealed our real selves on the show then shall we? All right. We're going to beat that. So, okay, so he agrees to take a ride from the from the from the black dude in the Volkswagen

Beetle and we've got. Every guy's got old timey street cars. Yeah, why? He's 1992, right? Yeah, yeah. I think it was released in 93. So maybe they filmed it in the 50s and it just took him that long to edit it. I don't know.

So yeah, so we go all out the bottom of your car break. And you're not sick of feed out anymore. The whole fill up what goes wrong with cars like that. All right. So we cut back to the angels fill up what goes from the cars like that all right So it we cut back to the angels and the angel goes like a ah so Alan is the one and the other angels like what the fuck are you talking about man And so he's explaining that Alan who is the black guy who in the beetle will be the Jesus vector I guess And he goes just to be ominous. he's like, I hope Alan sees this the opportunity. I'm like, you've got an omniscient clock counting down. Well, well,

look, we'll get to it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So Alan and Norman, right away together, and we see them in this, I just said, what if we tried gay stuff level of awkwardness? Oh, have I had this car ride so many times? I've said, I love you, but I love lots of people. So I don't see why you're so quiet. Talk. Just talk about anything. You don't have to talk about that. I said, I love you.

You can say I love you back. We don't have to. We have a 45 minute ride back to your house. So if you don't say something, I'm going to turn on country music. the Hulk. So yeah, now this is an extraordinarily homo erotic scene, right? And the angels were already sort of, you know, whatever looping us up for this. But this scene even has porny music in the background like fucking Alan was just riding around listening to a porn soundtrack. It's like a bad redub of a porn that they cut the sex out of. It's like, so, norm, are you interested in and you see the guy's mouth say blow job, but then there's a just a European voice that's like, they're less in about Jesus. Yeah.

Yeah, Alan's super, super gay and norm's not getting it. So Alan's trying to like ease him into it. Yeah, first he's like, hey great, great sports game last week. Genetic, hetero sports comment, hetero sports, right? Right. We should play with balls and have sex with the woman right now. There's none around. So like, what are you doing? now. There's none around. So like, what do you do? What are we doing? Wouldn't it be amazing if you could just do that with your buddy? Right? Making a prayer like this. How would you rank the sexuality's in your head? I put lesbians first, but I have an attractive Messiah. So I'm me.

So okay. And God, Jesus, the way this scene is set up, it could not be more this guy's going to get a penny fuck from the from the gay guy. He, because he's going like, Hey, you know, norm, I have something I want to talk to you about and I don't really know how to bring it up. And norm perks all up because he's like, God, I could really use a blowjob from a Gadeud. And he goes, do you believe in heaven?

I just wanted the next scene to see like Norm leaping from the moving vehicle as they take a corner or something. Does the ducken roll? That's exactly what I want Norm to ducken roll out of the car. I'm just grabbing the wheel and drives them off a cliff. Yeah. Sure, it's not all a three seconds to lay like the fucking opening scene and nothing to lose or whatever.

You got a lot of wages to make. So yeah, so, but norm and we should point out that norm is just like the perfect ideal next spot on the flow chart that every evangelist dreams of. I wrote my notes. Funny, you would give exact the answer I need for this next part of my script. Yeah. On to page four. All right.

There we go. Honestly, at this point, I expected him to like flash cut him going, so you'd say that having a time share is actually making you money when you. I think it's so terrible. Is this awful, awful sales bitch? It's like here, take this Bible, hold the book, hold the book, in your hand, yes. So read from it to me. It sounds like a good deal this Bible, right? How many good deals would you like? I'm staring at you in silence. Fuck it out.

I've asked you a question and we'll now leave an awkward silent pause in the conversation I wouldn't norm to just pull out an emeter Dude you're fucking up your sales script you seem stressed grab these I'm gonna start doing that. I just want Gary and E. meter. I still like an antidote. It's a Christmas tree dress. So yeah, so Ellen gives him the whole, you know, do you believe in heaven? He's like, yeah, I suppose I believe in heaven.

He's like, if you died tonight, would you go to heaven? Are you certain that you would go to heaven? And you know, he's just like, and I'm feeling like Norm is just going, can you skip to the fucking part where you told me, and I can say no. But Alan is not gonna skip the four play here. He says, if God asks why he should let you into heaven,

what would you say? And I'm like, ooh, ooh, ooh, can I answer on Norm's behalf? Because I know Norm's gonna say, well, hey, God, I guess I'd say I've done good in the world and that, but I would say, hey, God, you have unlimited paradise and it costs you nothing to let me in. You stingy brick. Why would you ask why I deserve to be there?

You owe me for 40 plus years on the shit old planet with the eyeball burrowing bugs. Do you reeth, for fishes and president Trump. Wait, this your wreath for a fish? Yeah, it'll jump right up into your dick. They jump? Yeah, no, like if you piss in the river, they'll like swim up the piss stream and go right into your dick. How can this your dick?

Are they like salmon jumping up through the piss stream? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you need a little bear on your dick. You need a little dick bear on top of your dick. Dick bear. Dick bear. If you'd like to buy a dick bear, just go to the picture on dot com. I was like, God, awful. $10 patrons get a free dick bear. You remember those little finger puppets you'd get at the arcade? It's like that. It's hard to piss. It just goes

everywhere with a wave in the sky. You're in a field. Googly eyed monster. Then you get throw it at women who reject you. It's perfect. Everybody. Yeah, we have gone to the arsenal of piss balloons portion of the distractions to make this episode, uh, hit time. Yeah. All right. But no, he doesn't bring up the urethra fishes. He brings up the like, I've done more good than bad so that Alan can say, yes, seems like everybody thinks that being good is what gets you into heaven. But it's actually about having the exact same religion as me. What are the odds?

The worst message. They put it in so many of these. Yes, it's the most terrible thing you could do is admit that like your part of Christianity is like, yeah, doing good is it doesn't matter. Right. Yeah, I guess even that one small scrap of social benefit religions desperately clinging to doesn't even count now. Oh, awful. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So he pulls out his handy dandy Bible and he's like, you know, I can tell you what it says, but statistics show that if you read it yourself, you're more likely to buy the product at the end. So I have highlighted Romans 623, the one about the wages of sin being death yada yada yada. Feel the weight of the leather bound in your

hand. Now read that. And of course, the message he's, he's sending again is that, hmm, it seems like the real problem is that God is more thin skin than Donald Trump and has a bigger button, right? Also, he's doing this whole thing while they're driving. I wanted so badly for them to crash. They get to heaven. Ganesh is there. Dr. Inshwam and he's like, come on. You got to admit, this is pretty funny.

You're telling me about Jesus and we know what the fuck he's mad about her. Happy about her. Let's go see what he wants, right? Have no attention to their book. We're closer, but still meanwhile, a fucking evangelist is jerking off to this, right? I realized at this point, like, oh my God, this is evangelical porn.

They just stroke off to the thought of somebody actually being this interested in their and named bullshit. Now read Romans to, uh, it's stuck. I'll just tell you what it says. It says, don't do good things. That doesn't matter. Yeah, exactly. Fuck you.

But do you want some volcano demons? I don't know. No, I'm doing you. I'll do you first and then you'll do me. Yeah. So basically he says, you know, Jesus is trying to give you the gift of salvation, but you've got to decide whether you want to receive that gift.

And then he goes in for the kiss. Like why I just, yeah. And by the way, the music is absolutely as certain as I am that these two are about to fuck, right? The music also knows that Alan's supposed to go in for the kiss right here, but instead he gives them the whole, so you Christian hour what? I went in for the kiss on the screen at this moment. All right. That was a good looking black. Yeah, he was. I was just a good looking guy is how I should say that. It's a good guy. It sound like I was saying four, but I they're better.

Damn it. Black people, lesbians are at the top. They're like, lesbians are at the top. There are lots of black lesbians who you're faking. Black leathers. That sounds like you've fetishized the other to me. Now you're just twisting my words. I'm sorry, I just don't see color. All right, so he's giving me the desperately wrapped this shit up symbol. So I suppose that we'll take a quick break.

But first, let me give it back through the hard. So we'll norm except Jesus in time. Will this movie have a surprise demon? Will Chet and A non cut the tension and fuck already? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the profoundly and consequential conclusion of moment of truth. Okay, guys, get those hoses over here. conclusion of moment of truth. Okay guys get those hoses over here Jerry get the access we need to move on

this. Excuse me sir. We're here to help. I look I appreciate you trying to help but you gotta leave this to the pros okay. Oh no no sir not that kind of help see my friends and I part of the Bible group, down at the local high school, and we already started a prayer chain. Yes. I'm sorry, a prayer chain? Yeah. I called Kathy Schmenderson, and she called Billy Timmther, and he's going to call...

Oh, and then you're all going to pray this fire out. Ah, yeah. If the master wills it. Absolutely. Yes, sir. Yes. Ah, if the master wills it. Absolutely. Yes sir. Yes. Ah boy what a relief. I thought I was going to have to

send my men in there and spray all this water but, uh, you kids have it all figured out, huh? Uh, well, that's not exactly how it works. Not how it works. Don't be crazy. All things are possible through

Ganesh, right kid? Uh, well, we were thinking We were we were thinking that you I mean you You guys got this boys. Let's move out these kids got it Uh Okay Ray harder you you you pray harder you You're not You shit

Right too hard And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroes norm was about to decide on the spot if he was going to be a Christian or not, but before norm can offer up his answer, we need to acknowledge that there is a slime demon in the backseat. It's just a demon in the car suddenly. And it's a really gross looking to they went all out with the makeup. It's like, but it's hard to choose between the the demon and the angels though, like rotting corpse, 80s hair.

It's a tough. So I wrote down this demon looks like something Eli would order at a barbecue place. Fucking disgusting. But apparently this is Mouac. He's an ex angel. He's like the anti-guardian angel. It's the demon that St. News is to make me think that I'm thinking my thoughts. Right. He's supposed to be like invisible back there and just like shooting bad, dead thoughts and you're excited. But I wanted them to just like fully acknowledge the demon

Can you sit back put your seatbelt I love this idea of like molluck is the demon that makes you think your thoughts I wanted Sam Harris just to appear next to moll can be like, okay, well, Mala, where do your thoughts come from? No, I don't, compatibleism. Get out of here, Sam. Cut her out. The argument, Kagi Doe, Ergo, Deas here. And an angel pops up behind the demon in the trunk and starts like, fucking with him. Yeah, it'd be fun. Right. He shouldn't have had an angel looking over the other shoulder. Shouldn't he? If we're going the whole way, anyway, demon on a skateboard shows up behind the car and fucks with that angel. So yeah. So, but the demon is like, and by the way, we should also point out like, this is shameless nightmare fodder. Absolutely. Yeah. Right. Just meant to scare the children. They're showing this movie Absolutely. Yeah. Right. Like just meant to scare the children.

They're showing this movie too. Yeah, exactly. And keep in mind, the people showing children this movie are telling them that this demon really exists and is sitting right behind them. Right? That like, like I mean, and like nothing else in this movie looks good. The angel space costumes like obviously again, like Eli said, we're just poached from a gay porn set and rinsed out.

But the demon costume, they clearly went all out. They're like, you know, I want children to be thinking about this for seven or eight years after they see this. And it's genuinely scary too. I mean, it used to be scarier if they had just like cut in footage of Gary Busy running, but aside from Gary Busy running, this is the second scariest thing we've seen in a movie. So yeah, but norm, the clock is ticking, right? It takes down to zero as norm decides whether he's going to listen to the demon thoughts

or the angel thoughts. And he turns to Allen. He goes, I'm just not ready for this, which is as close to saying no as anyone ever gets in a Christian movie, by the way, right? How many fucking times have we seen somebody about to get saved and say, I'm not ready for this yet? You know, it's never just no, I'm not interested. Anyway, clock at zero.

Be omniscient clock. Yeah, right. He's like, this is when he's, he's going to turn to Jesus. Nope. Not so much. Um, now, of course, luckily Allen just happened to have a Jesus summary card with his phone number that he just keeps handy, I guess. And he says, if you change your mind, call me, we still have more movie. But as we'll do the popcorn trick with the Bible instead of his dick. That's fine.

That's fine. You want some popcorn before you go to my lap in the car. Why don't we just check out a rare and change. Also, okay. So norm goes inside. Now the the fucking the new angel, a non is demanding an explanation, which means that a non may not know what time is, but he knows enough to know that this theology makes no fucking sense at all. He's going like, couldn't we just restrain Mollock? Isn't the master all powerful?

And the other angels like, oh, like if he wanted to. Yeah. So God got the time wrong. No, no, no, part of the track. I was going to kill this bird. I killed the bird and then hold on, you're stalling. So yeah. So, and so Aynon says, okay, but like what about Norman? And chat just underscores the uselessness of this clock. He says, well, maybe God, I'll put more time on the clock or something. Maybe not. It's like, it's cool. So then what the fuck are we for? You know, man, you're gonna be bad at this job, right?

You wanna go back to working for the MTA? No. No. We do stuff here. But also this is where he gives what I guess is supposed to be the tagline of the movie. He turns, uh, chat turns the other angel and he goes, the truth is like a light in the darkness. Once it passes, only the darkness remains. And I'm like, that's only half of an analogy.

You just use half of an analogy. You just used half of an analogy. That's just anal. That's not what I'm saying. It's like, it's like a light a moment in the darkness. Once it's passed only dark darkness. Let me start over. Let me start our struggle like right in the beginning. I just just took darkness again.

Wait, one plus one is two, minus one is one. Oh, time zero. If it's time zero, you're always. Oh shit. So after that profound moment, we cut back to norm. He's going to lay down on his bed with his shoes on and have some more flashbacks to like his girlfriend and earlier in the movie. Yeah. And this is where we get the prayer chain that we had to that earlier. Yeah. So that they're all, all the cool kids that we met earlier in the movie, they're all calling

each other and they're like, Hey, we need some heavy duty prayer going for norm. I mean, we need some fucking hard core prayer. No half ass in it, Sally, you hear me? Yeah. No, they literally use the term heavy-duty prayer, which makes me really want to see a split screen of heavy and light-duty prayer, sci-fi side. And by the way, do these assholes dial it down to lower settings sometimes? Yeah, right. Try and get up to 11 assholes. You're, fucking break it. What are you doing? Pray hardest.

Jesus. Yeah, exactly. Fuck you. You always be at the maximum prayer. Okay, we're gonna pray for him at a three. He's kind of an asshole. So, all right. So we go to this closet, right?

We go to this proverbial closet or whatever that we're supposed to have throughout the movie. And again, we should emphasize that this movie, this was made in 1993 does not see it all the irony in the fact that this is all an effort of norm to get out of the closet. Right. At some point someone had to know, right? They had to have an ex gay sound guy who was just like, Hey, uh, fellas, first of all, thanks for the cures. Second of all, you know, that kind of a thing already, right? And Marcel was like, don't worry. No one will make fun of this on a podcast years from now. Alan just keeps walking in and out of the closet like, huh? Huh? Anybody see what's happening? God damn it. Nobody. Alan stopped

drilling holes at waste, heightened the closet. I don't understand what that's for. There's already a door knob. There could be a second one. I don't know what your arm that keeps coming out. It's not worrying about it. All right. So and then we so we see him in the closet. He's got his little flashlight and then as the prayer chain starts, a ton of light just shines in so much that he's blinded and it's even worse than the flashlight because now I can't see anything at all. I mean, I think his problem with the flashlight is they kept shining it on his own face. That's why he couldn't tell where the door handle was.

But also, at one point, little thing, the actor plays norm. He like fiddles with the flashlight. He gets like visibly angry. Yeah. It's like hitting and shaking a prop flashlight. Like, why not just use a real flashlight that turns it. I don't know. He gets really mad. Yeah.

And also, can we point out that like this is the way the prayer chain works apparently. And you would think it would just be like a regular call chain where a calls B calls C calls D calls E calls F. But apparently it also includes like staying on the phone with them while they make a prayer and then agreeing with that prayer. Absolutely. Yes. Because we see Seth Andrews. We see young Seth Andrews give him the prayer and then Alan comes on and he goes like, yeah, Ibbid amen. What? Toads. Toads McGoes.

Toads McGoates. Yeah. Toads McGoates. Jesus. And then, okay, so but as the prayer chain is going, we also see norm running towards the light determined to look less, at least slightly less goofy than the guy in the airport in that last one, but not determined enough. Nope. Nope. It's just running in place in the closet. It's,'s weird. I wanted him to pan down and it's just a treadmill. Yeah. It's like steps off walks over to that. No, Malik is next to it

wearing a whistle. Come on one of their screens. Oh, this is like, if you gave me five minutes and we're like, Eli, what does a computer look like? I'd be like, it's numbers numbers. Yeah, right. It looks over. He goes, Hey, something's happening. Also, we think binary has the occasional five in it. Apparently, I was, some zeroes and ones. And then there's a five. And then

norms Jesus clock resets to seven minutes. It's like the ticking clock in this movie in that it's a ticking clock in this movie. The added time to the clock. Like the refs got it wrong. Like, God, to be like, please add seven minutes. You didn't whistle it at the right. It's like the original like tablets with the 10 commandments having white out on them. So stupid. So yeah. So norms run into it as dad, but the slime demon is because he's sleeping right now, right? Like he's dreaming this or whatever. So then we cut to mullock the slime demon masturbating over his sleeping body. And, and they, we cut back to the angels, they look at the computer and the numbers have stopped. The little lights are flashing, like

they're using a, did a gouser on it or something? Because that's what they think computers do. Oh, the computer knows something's up. That's why it's glowing red in spots. Jesus. When you find God, you get the freeze screen from Pac-Man. Yeah, exactly right. You know, you won the God's. But there's dots on the right side too. It's tough to get those ones. He's like trying to clear it. He's like, oh, I just sent out a missile alert and Hawaii. Fuck off. The master's going to be so mad at me.

And so finally, all right. So finally, the angels are about to do something for a change. The master's gonna be so mad at me. And so finally, all right. So finally, the angels are about to do something for a change. And they're like, we have to stop Mollock and the other angels like, why didn't we do that early? And he's like, fuck it, fuck you, man. Stop. You know what?

Why don't we do it later there? I just blew your mind time, guy. Yeah, right. You just learn time. You're picking it up on it quick. Um, and then they show up. Mullik is standing over his body and they politely ask him to leave and he does. He's so, you're so expecting some kind of demon battle instead. They're just like, Mollik, do you mind? And he's like, oh my god, I'm so, do you have this space? Yeah,

we have it at 205. All right. it's, um, it's 205. Well, it's 205 now. Well, it's 205 now because you came in and you talked to me. I don't know if it would have killed you to wait until 206, but then we're not renting the space for two. I don't want to get into it. Uh, enjoy the time. I got to get out of here.

It takes us yoga mat rolls it up. And that's really how it goes. They just show up. They say, mull up, leave it. He's like, oh, fuck yeah, my bad. Okay. All right. Like you just caught him jerking off on company time or something.

And of course, the Christians are still steadily praying for norm. Norm still having flashbacks and shit. So he wakes up and he goes and he gets Alan's pamphlet thing that he left him. He's handwritten. Yeah. He spares it. It's a naked picture of a girl. He's just like, and by the way, Alan writes like a six year old who just learned to write in like cursive. It's really weird. Like there's a racer marks. There's like a little bit of spit up on it. It's a weird child thing. And so and then we have to get the moment where like this is Norm's Oscar clip, I guess where he's crying out loud and he's like, God really loves me. But I'm separated from God by my sin. And it's like, why would you say that

out loud? But does it make any sense, especially if you're all sobby? And he's like, God, I'll never leave me and God will never let me down. And I'm like, that's always true of imaginary friends, though. So why not one with boobs instead? See? Ball wins again. Yeah. Entry can pet the part of him that's a goat. Everybody wins. Entry can pet the part of him that's a goat everybody wins You can pet all the parts. Um, so yeah, so tick tick tick the clock's cutting uh, counting down And then we see the like the closet full of light as he finally accepts Jesus and the clock starts counting upwards And that's it the fuck that means exactly. He's got extra Jesus time. Now, anyway, that was art, y'all. And there, that was, that was, it's art see Jesus. But wait, I have to point this out.

So that's literally that's the end of the movie. That's all we fucking got. That was the goddamn climax. I feel like I have to emphasize that so that people don't think I was kidding. When he leaves the closet, I wanted mom to still be there, just like decomposing in the chair. And such a fucking mollock, not having some fear. Not a metaphor rough.

Oh, by the way, I have to point this out. I watched through the credits and in the special thanks, it included the hearthstone community. So I blame you guys for this movie. You had something to do with it. All right, so according to the precept of this film, each one of us has at some point in our lives, had a ticking Jesus clock and a guardian angel or two watching over us at all times.

So to close off the review tonight, I have a two-part question. A, when did your guardian angel stop watching your live video feed and B, what were you doing that made him finally give up? Oh, man. That's a bad job. The guy who had me. You'll bad for that guy. Um, well, okay. So my answer, it's actually the same moment for both. Um, so somebody's mom tried to convert me to Catholicism during a long ride in her minivan. So I took a shit in her minivan. I was about eight. That's true story. I'm not sure if the shit was related, but those two things happened at the same time. She thought it was related. And that's

really. There you go. That's the important thing. Yeah. Exactly. That's like the second stage beyond puking when you get the Eucharist shitting when you hear a evangelism. To be fair, his friend flew down a water slide and just slammed his water slides everywhere when Heath was growing up. So yeah, no, you've got to listen to all the shows Eli. I don't know, I'm pretty sure mine gave up after the 950th YouTube debate I downloaded on my phone in college. Yeah.

Just like, all right, that's, that's enough. I don't want to watch these with you. I've often awful lot of perversive shit to get to this point. And yeah, it seems like, all right, well, while that's going to do it for our reveal moment of truth, that's not going to do it for the episode yet,

because we still need to renew our weekly contract. So Eli, tell us what's on deck October, baby. Oh, we've been waiting on this. This is the abortion movie, right? This is one of the abortion movies. Right. Right. On abortion. It's a good one. It's a one time thing. Yeah, we found quite a few other ways. Is this Robert Lozha? No, no, no, no. Okay. Oh, well, yeah, now, now undersell it. Heath, well, wait a way to go. So we're not doing the rubber lotion on not yet. We're gonna wait until you're gone. Yes. No, I did the one with I get to do. Yeah, no, he has to be here for that one. Anyway, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 127

to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to get yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn an access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms and if you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a, the incitation needed and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions you can email god awful movies

at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Salat, Nick Veeville, Drafts, Son Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heath and right knee-lye Bosnick.

I'm no illusions, promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club, Clow. MoLock and decomposing mom tried to do pottery together like in ghost and both got spun into the clay together, unchained melody playing. Chat and A-Non cut detention and fucked already. At midnight on Christmas Eve, Norm's ex-girlfriend finally turned back into an ice sculpture. She is very happy. We need to definitely rage quit one of our advertisers for fun at some point.

Just fuck with them. Like see how long we can sneak stuff in until they catch us doing something. Wait, no, what we should do is we should just do an audio book or like an audible ad or some, you know, some common thing that doesn't really advertise with us. Yeah. And then just lose it halfway through and be like, you know what? Fuck these guys. No.

Oh, channels. Yeah, that's what I need. I need channels audible.com. Affles. I know I want to say what book I'm listening to right now. That Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone. Part of the deal. Was I closer than he was actually closer. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018. All rights reserved.

thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.