God Awful Movies - 135: I Can Only Imagine

Episode Date: March 20, 2018

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of "I Can Only Imagine", the story of a plucky Christian tune that tried to make it all the way to number one on the pop charts, and only fell seventy places short. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

And he's just like, oh look, it's a pamphlet that says, you got a can't do. Yeah, the worst of all the cancers on the front page. What could this be about? Yeah, like, the fear of Dennis Quaid. Regret to inform you that, turn over cancer. Like, what is we a scratch off? Like, big red cancer. And what does he keep in the car

and gets what kind of cancer he has? I'm sorry so can I see your license registration of what kind of cancer you have? God awful movie movies who Welcome back to the gamecast where each week we sample another selection from christian cinema because if you torture people long enough You get to run the CIA. I'm your host no illusions and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back Thanks Noah. Uh, you know who had UMBC beating Virginia in their bracket? No, no, you absolutely not. Nobody had that. Fuck you. You're a liar.

Everybody's a liar. 16's never beaten a one in the history of the tournament. Every asshole on Facebook had that right. No. All right. Good. Good. I didn't, I really didn't want to have to call you out. And of course, synagating one, Miles, do my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I want to say cricket. You were talking about cricket. You were close. It was a sport.

So tell us, Heath, what will we break it down today? We watched. I can only imagine. It's the story of a gritty dad west to come to grips with the fact that his son is bad at sports and also bad at music. No, just an all around failure of a son. It's very sad.

It's very sad. This is going to be a really mean episode. I can only imagine what his father went through. I'm going to do that for the rest of the year. No, I know you are. I know. And it's going to it's going to be sadder when the audience realises why an Eli, how bad was this movie?

I love this movie. You guys are wrong. It's wonderful. I want to be a Christian now. I cried. I laughed. I was in joy. I laughed two months. I feel like I laughed where you cried. So here's the thing. This is so close to a good movie except it leads up to the worst possible song. Like the performances are pretty good. The story is not like we did all the King's horses recently Yeah, everything I'm like hey nobody got punn nobody apologize for getting punched this episode

What a grand film we I love I love you back and to back that up nobody got punch wait wait no hold up Loved it. I loved every minute of it. I wanted to be a Christian. And then I got to the song and I was like, right, that's why I don't want to be. That's right. I don't want to dance for Jesus. No, no. Okay. Now this, of course, was a field trip. This was a, this is in theaters. Now you guys saw this together. I didn't, I was not able to go. You guys went out and saw this Thursday in the city. I had to go to follow dad too much. Should I had to get done on Thursday? So how was your theater? Well, we had a lovely date. We shared a fun do which was delicious. It was so cheesy. It was not delicious. Both got a dessert flight, which is a lot of fun. I enjoyed the flight. There might have been other people in the theater. I kept trying

to put my arm around. He is a regular. He's a regular. I knew that popcorn, Tricky. You've tried that before. It's not going to work. And every time he likes popcorn more than he doesn't like touching dance. Well, that's true. No, that is definitely said. No, that's right. So, all right. So now we should, we should point out that this movie is the story of the song I can only imagine, which is apparently it's the best selling Christian single of all time, which so sad. No, I know because that means that it one time reached a number five on billboards, adult contemporary

chart and number 71 overall. Now, like for a year, just once for a week, that's it. They made a movie about, they reached all the way up to number 71 on the billboard charts and made a fucking movie about it. This is like the time I started my high school musical, the movie. Yeah, exactly. Well, it is actually.

Yeah, that's, oh, I'll, now is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Uh, I would, yeah, best worst, great person who's supposed to be the bad guy. Oh, Jesus Christ. Like, I started to bring this up already. The dad in this movie is supposed to be the antagonist

Right, but he's the best character in the movie by far. He's like all his Wild he's angry He's all justified except the beating granted The beating okay, I like fair point, but like but otherwise he's the best dad He just makes him a tragic hero though. If you think about that, he just wants this terrible kid to be better at stuff. And it works. You're supposed to be terrified of your dad.

Otherwise you don't get shit done. That's what you get shit done. That is true. You do need a dad who doesn't tell you you're doing a great job. No, because you're not usually. You're so usually. You're not. You by definition are not.

Okay. Well, yeah, I know that's true. That's true. You know who had a by definition are not. Okay. Well, yeah, I know that's true. That's true. You know, who had a bad dad? Mozart. You know, as a great dad, everyone on Facebook right now talking about whether or not they need puppy pictures. They all have great dads.

Dad sending them the first puppy picture. Rocco bomb a bad dad. It's just, it's universe. Dad dad. All right, then. All right. Well, I was going to go with something that was going to get me personally far fewer angry emails from people who don't get the joke.

I was going to go with best worst alphabetical cast listing. Now I would I just the stupid in this movie is so stupid that it's seeped into the IMDB page. So if you look at it, if you look at the cast, it'll say it'll show the main character and the guy who played the main character when he was a kid. And then it says rest of cast listed alphabetically. And then in this order, it has Dennis quaid, Madeline Carol, Chloris Leechman, Trace adkins, Rhoda Griffiths, they have no idea what alphabetically means apparently, alphabetically by height apparently. That's so sick.

All right. I hinted this already, but this is definitely best worst song that the entire fucking movie is leading up to. This entire, the beginning of this movie is this song was written by God, Jesus Lord himself. Oh, Jesus Lord himself. Oh, yeah, absolutely. This song's a hell of a thing. And then you hear it like 30 seconds before to the end of the movie and he's just like,

boom, boom, boom. Oh, Jesus, there you are. Right there. It was the end of the King's speech, he just did the fucking limmerick about the guy from Nantucket, right? And now this. All right, good. All right, well, I need to take some steps to get this fucking song out of my head. So we're going to pause for a quick break. And when we come back, we'll break down all the diarrhea entry bullshit that is. I can only imagine. From the makers of I can only imagine Captain, we're gonna overturn. Oh, no, we're not.

Comes another two hour build up to a song so bad and repetitive. You can't believe it made it out of the singer's head. Let alone in the theaters. My father was killed by these waters and I'm not going down. A story of one man who only knew one way to survive and inspired a generation. What do we do Captain? We... row. Row row row your boats. Uh...

Row, what? Sir. Your boat, son. What? Your boat. Coming, gently down the street. This fall. I can't gently tell the street.

I love that so much. And we're back for the breakdown and I feel super under prepared here because my notes don't start until the movie. But apparently these guys have like three pages of notes on the previews as well. Oh, there was some excellent, excellent movies coming up. I don't know if you guys heard God's not dead three in two weeks. In two weeks. Oh my God. The effort that they went through to make it look like something happened to that movie. I don't know if you guys heard God's not dead three in two weeks. It's coming soon. Oh my God.

The effort that they went through to make it look like something happened to that movie. Like we've seen enough of these movies that we know nothing actually happens in that. But like they're like, oh, wait, no, he almost does a punch. Start, start showing that bit. It looks very exciting. I'm pretty sure it's shoving the movies. It's like 90% David Aeroite doing the Ikeeto he learned yesterday and it's looking pretty great. You see this? You feel this? This is risk control.

Risk control. And it just comes up on the screen risk control. It's a movie. There's also a Pope movie coming out. Yeah. Is he? Is that we're going to see that, right? Oh, the scene where he opens the door and there's all the Nazi gold behind it and he shot it real quick. And he like poses with a deformed kid in front of that door. That was fun. Pretty exciting. He does some like hacky 90s stand up at one point.

He's like mother-in-law. Right? I mean, he Protestants fuck kids like this, but Catholic, it's going to be great. He tries, it opens, the whole trailer opens with answering the questions you've always had about the Pope. But I was like, no, not answering the question. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nope, not those great. Well, look what his kitchen looks like. We meant what his kitchen looks like. Oh, what's your Spanish grandmother?

The questions your Spanish grandmother has about that. Yeah, right. So, right, the ones that you should ask, how much if you melted down, stop it, stop asking this. You being dis. How much of it was teeth? How much came from teeth? Oh, also there is a, I think, a Pixar movie about Big How much of it was teeth? How much came from teeth?

Oh, also there is a, I think, a Pixar movie about Bigfoot called Smallfoot or something like that. I don't. Sorry. The good name of Pixar. It's an animated movie, but yeah, something like, yeah, well, it's pretty great. I don't care what the movie's about, but their slogan is, yet you're not here. They come. So I'm fucking saying that. Yeah, to be clear, when this slogan appeared on the screen, he's left at full volume. They thought I was bringing him there as a make a wish. Why was there all of a sudden? They're like, that's you. So nice that he gets to go outside because he's just like, bless you. So nice that he gets to go outside. Cause he's just like, Yeah, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,

he's grabbing other audience members. That's another name for the big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big I didn't like going there. Yeah, you're not here. I come. So, and then look, this next movie, it's not relevant, but I want to tell the story. All right, apparently Keith is a pedophile. I don't know why. What? The reaction happened here, but because my volleyball movie, are you serious? Yes.

Okay, I want to talk about my experience. I would like to talk about my lived experience. Okay. I'm sitting there in the movie, a trailer for a sports movie comes on a volleyball Girls volleyball movie and all of a sudden he is punching me for my attention. He's shoving Trying to get me to be aware of this movie. I'm desperately looking for recognizable faces. There are none. The only person with a name is Helen Hunt. This entire movie. Come on. Just shoving me and pointing at these teenage girls playing volleyball.

I was very confused. I like volleyball. Okay. All right. Glad to know it was the volleyball that was getting your attention. I played a lot volleyball. Nice. So I want to put it when you start.

Damn it. Never mind. It's like it was okay for me to be so attracted to Jennifer Connelly and Labyrinth because I was a kid at the time. Yeah, right, right. Now, when I watch it, it's very uncomfortable. Are you a kid at the time? Yeah, yeah, I was a kid when movies came out that came out when I was a kid. So now, here's where my, no, it's start.

I feel so under prepared. But here's the movie. Okay. So we're going to start off with Christian Seth Rogan getting interviewed about his song. Now this is going to lead to the backstory. But before it does, this chick's interview and I'm and she's like, tell me about how you wrote this here sound. And he goes, well, it was easy.

It took 10 minutes to write the music, another 10 minutes for the lyrics. That's the actual origin story, right? The honest version of the movie ends there. But the song is literally E E minor A. He used the three easiest chords. Right. But she's she contradicts him. She's like 20 minutes. No liar. It took a lifetime. And he's like, he's like super cute. He's like, are we in an argument? That's amazing. Told you. He's just like, no, it took 20 minutes. You're a bad listener. Can I give you a feedback? It's running. And also, I told you, I'm sorry. Okay. I don't mean to pre-empt the entire movie with a little impromptu God awful music here. But if you took 20 minutes to write this fucking song, you jacked off for like six or seven of them. Oh, again, this whole movie leads up to a song that is remarkably bad.

Oh, yeah, really impressively bad. Yeah. Spoiler, this ends up being a horror movie and the song is the monster. That's the format we're about to get. Okay, so here's how bad the lyrics are for this song. I looked at him and I thought to myself, yes, I can count the number of words in this song in a few seconds. There are 93 words in this song. This song that this woman can't imagine. He wrote in only 20 minutes.

24 of them, by the way, are I can only or imagine? Plus, plus if that's not bad enough for you, here's all the rhymes in only 20 minutes. 24 of them by the way are I can only or imagine. Plus, plus if that's not bad enough, here's all the rhymes in the entire song, okay? Like side, those two things rhyme. See me, that's a fucking sushi and rhyme. Feel still, fuck you, you fucking hillbilly, that's don't rhyme. Fall all against sushi and do and you. That is the whole fucking song Well, and also a main quadruple theme triple down in this song is when I go to heaven I can only imagine to be so great. What am I gonna do when I see Jesus should I dance for him?

It's like you know, so I'm gonna explain something occasionally because Noah and Heath are really cool when we meet atheist celebrities And I'm not so I feel like this whole song is just the three minutes of me talking to them when we're about to meet Lorry just like should I dance for him? No, I want to get it Matt Dillhunt. I feel like I should have my nips out. So he knows I'm excited. No, I'm just gonna shirt down.

Put it down. The song. Yeah, right, right. Oh, hey, it's Jesus. You think I should do a head spin? I got a pretty mean head spin. What? Every time Noah has whispered, you're embarrassing me at his shoes.

The song. You're embarrassing me. Go sit by The song. You're embarrassing me. Go sit by the table. Go sit by the table. So I'm sure. Yeah. So yeah. So the interviewer is like, not only did I didn't try very hard.

It was really easy. And the interviewer's like, no, no. It's movies an hour and 50 minutes. You're going to have to come up with something better than that. He's then, and then he's like, no, okay. Well, I guess you have to know my entire life story really to get, you know, this, these, these complex lyrics. So now we go to his origin story and we see him as a little fat kid.

Yeah. Baby Heath. It's very similar, similar thing happening in my childhood. And this kid, we get to see him ride a bike in a second and he struggles with that bike. He rides a bike like I do a push up. He's not having a good time. Yeah. So they keep having him that the whole thing throughout this movie is he listens to music. So they keep putting this kid listening to good music to try to associate it with the song you're

going to hear at the end. But like, that's not a good idea. You don't want to put good music all throughout your movie and then end it with Twinkle Twinkle little stuff. Right. Well, the other thing we're supposed to learn, we have to learn that he's really into music, but we also have to learn that everybody in town sure did love his antics. Oh, yeah. And the ladies loved antics. Oh, yeah. And the ladies loved him too. Oh, yeah, apparently. He drives by.

He's got his wagon behind his bike. And he drives past and all the girls are like, whistling at him as he goes. It's a bunch of bullshit. There's no way that's, I was a fat kid. I had a wagon. No, like, you might as well still, like pull over, start doing a rap video,

like girls twerking on his hydraulics radio flyer nonsense. Also, I want to point out that they try to date this movie at this point because he goes by the movie theater and the goonies is playing. And that I only point that out because this movie will swing between the eighties and the forties several times. It's very unclear what level of Christian he was, how related to the world he was. I think I have a theory. And that's this guy was always going to be some kind of Christian blank. And they were like, all right, but we need to make it seem like you tried to make it with like a normal band that you had a normal childhood,

not that you went to church camp, then went to school, then sung in your church choir, then sung in a Christian rock band and then came out with a Christian song. So they keep swinging us into like pop culture references in the hopes that like his adjacentness to the tall spacious building is enough for us to think he was of the world and not in it. Doesn't work. No, exactly. I thought you meant my joke. It can be both.

I was like, hey, thanks for the note. It's a little, a little double on conjure for everybody. So we're giving notes live on the show now, everybody. I don't know if the follow-ups working either. I see your back, you're trying to back pedal out by like being super metta about it, but I still still don't know. Yeah, Eli's not much better with his bike than this kid. Um, so anyway, yeah, and, and, and we also have to see him make his little weird cardboard space helmet. Yeah.

What was that? It was that like supposed to be part of a movie from 1985 also. No, he's just an imaginative kid. Yeah. And I just wrote my notes. See, I could have bullied this out of this case. He would have been like, the one with more space man stuff. Well, luckily for you, you didn't have to because dad was there to do it.

So, all right, this is the most sloppy introduction to a character I think we've ever seen, right? So dad is played by Dennis Quentin. Oh my God, I just wanted to send him a fucking check. Just stop doing this, Dennis. Retire with whatever dignity you had after interspace. I love this dad character. He's so good.

He's angry and grizzled. He's dead. He's my dad. So dead. And just so you understand how slobily we're going to introduce him. He has to be the guy whose dreams didn't really work out for him. And we learn that because when we first meet him he's literally got a barrel full of memorabilia that he's burning. He's literally burning his past. Yes, right, right. Settle, guys, settle. Yeah, and he's like, you know, and his son comes in and his son's like,

I dream of accomplishing things. He's like, don't do that. Don't fucking do that. Give up on your dreams on a count of three. One, two, two, a half. It's the craziest. It's like a, a forcikle version of those. Like, what was that thing there? They did the walk the line parody where it was like the wrong kid died. It was that subtle. He comes in. You hear me boy, you hear me now, let me hear you tonight your dreams right now rapin kill your imaginary friends Do it in front of me Takes off his shirt. He's got a bad dad t-shirt underneath it. Who bought this for me? I used my alcohol money to buy this Say it with me fuck my dreams in the eye socket Feeling Say it with me fuck my dreams in the eye socket. Fuck my with feeling. Fuck. Oh,

dream. Beer does not exist in this day. Right. Right. Only fear exists in this. And then of course, dad has to burn his stupid cardboard helmet, which honestly, dad is so doing him a favor there. He's just, he's just like, hey, look, Eli's going to beat up, dude. Yeah. We are atheist. You hear me? Fuck your dreams. I love this dad though. He's always,

like, I feel like the fire pits always going just to put a cap on his abusive arguments. So he's like, constantly got it. Good. Yeah, my kid comes on with dreams. I need to have some way to burn them. Yeah. I'm going to be silly if I got to get some Doritos, put them there at the bottom and put some oil on there. Got a waiter to warm up, got to get the logs nice and hot. No, constantly burning dreams. Oh, you want an Nintendo. Now I cut your fingers off and burn them.

Exactly. All right. So of course, then we get him like falling asleep that night to the sound of mom and dad fighting and and dad is super beaty. We get it. Move on for fuck sake. He comes in. This is how unsunlocked child abuse isn't funny, but he comes in the room to beat up his

sleeping son at one point and Dennis Quaid is just like, I teach you. He's asleep. All right. Does that work? Like the dad gives up on like, I want to, he's just like, all right. Does that work? Like the dad gives up on like, I don't really like start up a train so I'd test the kid and be like,

do it. See? Got it. So yeah, so but then we got like mom waking him up and taking him to church camp. And he's got this, he puts in this music and he's like, can we just please drive around and listen? I put in music, especially relevant to our situations. Yeah, rather than going to church camp, he wants to abandon dad and ride around and hang

out with mom. I don't think he was hitting on mom. It did feel like, can you really listen to the words? We listened to the lyrics. I made you this mix tape. This is Marvin Gaye. Let's get it on. All right.

So they pull up at Jesus camp and it's so fucking funny. My note is, oh, this pansy as child is terrified of a bridge. And then heath and Eli's notes are fucked at bridge. I was so scared of that one. I wanted as he got out of the car for mom to be like, all right, honey, have fun. Never dream. So we get him trying to make his way over the swinging bridge. And I'm just writing, don't make a Florida joke.

Don't make a Florida joke. Don't make a Florida joke. I don't know. This doesn't come out until Tuesday. I can make a Florida joke, right? Yeah. Plenty of time. We all forgot about that one.

There was a new one. Who? How did he know? Because there were three days in America. That's how he knew. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and of course, this is where we meet the love interest. The kids nine, but this is where we're going to meet the love interest. This is Shannon, the love of his life.

Fox with him on the bridge. And then look, he does exactly what I would have done. She, the girl's like, hey, he ain't scared of this bridge. I ain't he's like, no, I ain't scared. And then she starts to move it around. And he's like, all right, Shannon, cut it the fuck down. All right. We can meet cute on solid land over there.

All right. I don't want a full page in the yearbook. I'll just talk to you over there. So yeah, so they become friends. And then we also have to meet ethnic friend here, which we do at lunchtime at Jesus camp where they're playing the cup game. I want an anachandric to come inside tackle one of the kids. No, it's like this. I want them to stack the fucking cups. Come on, guys, you suck at this shit. They broken to a riff off.

I would have been pretty happy. That would have been pretty great. All right. So, but now we also learn here that everyone at this camp has to keep a Jesus journal. A part doesn't have one part is the kid, the main character kid. So his, his buddy, his ethnic friend, TM, we'll go get one for him. And while this is going on, Shannon accidentally drops her journal and it falls right open to the I love Bart so much page. Uh oh, how embarrassing. Anyway, that's important. So late that night, ethnic friend wants Bart to sneak out with him and they meet Shannon because he has apparently stolen, I would say, $150,000 worth of fireworks that he had set off and

he wants them to watch. Where did he get like, this kid was holding like several tons of explosives inside of himself. Like fucking video game character. It just keeps your the shenanigans away. My father had a job entirely through my childhood. So I don't know a lot about how fireworks work, but I'm pretty sure that like they're not something that a nine year old can just like

set up and fire up into the air. I feel like there's electronics involved now and fanciness. No, there's not. No, you just light a match and put it. How does your father having a job relate to you not knowing how lighting a work works? I had a good child. Those were for the peasants, the peasants would like them. And we would say, no, no, no, there's no, no, no, you're a, you're a, you're a, a frightened child that had to hide from things that went crack. It has nothing to do with you being better than people. It's, it's about you being worse than other people. I think it makes me better because I, the noises didn't upset my gender balance. Better worse than what I was doing here. My humor remained in town.

Well, yeah, no, my, my humor is my, especially my yellow bio all out of whack. So no, but the, yeah, the kids goes like, I'm going to set up a firework show. You guys sit over there and then like, there's literally fucking time square July 4th. Shit going on. It's insane. It's not, it's not even like all coming from the same place, right? Because if they're in Tennessee or some, in Tennessee, they will sell you a goddamn mortar, right? If you're 13 years old and you've got a couple of bucks.

So yeah, like a lot of these fireworks, you actually could buy in some states, if you're 13 years old and you've got a couple of bucks. So yeah, like a lot of these fireworks You actually could buy in some states, but they're not even all being fired from the same platform Right, and they're going off at times so they're like clearly electric. Yeah, it's it's absolutely ridiculous I want to flash kind of the ethnic friend turning to a group of like 45 year olds and being like good stuff guys Good show this I'm gonna go to the bridge and see how those two 45 year olds and being like, good stuff guys, good show this. I'm going to go to the bridge and see how those two nine year olds liked it. This is worth the weeks in the $10,000. Yes, exactly. We did it, everybody. But while this is happening, Shannon turns to Bart and she's like, Hey, I'm just going to lay it all out there. We're gonna fall in love and we're gonna fuck. You hear me?

We are going to fuck. I'm nine. And by the way, that's the whole purpose of this scene. Right? This whole like diversion to church camp is just, well, that's where I met Cheyenne and that's important. So that gives you an idea of just how boring this guy's origin story isn't shit. That we have to have this entire Jesus camp

Scene just so that like later on we'll know why he has a girlfriend That's it. Yep. Yep. So oh and then also of course because we get the next thing where he's leaving Jesus camp But before he leaves Shannon has to run up and give him an Amy Grant tape I'm trying to think of who would be comparable to say you were inspired by as a podcaster. Maybe static. If I was like, you know, I get the number one inspiration about us as a podcast. You know, when you were changing radio stations and you could kind of hear another station start up, you're not there yet. That was really the influence for skating a.m.

Amy Grant. She's not even really Christian. It's like Jesus broke up with her and these are the first drafts of all of her songs. Now, we're going to get to the fact that she looks amazing and that makes up for a lot. But every Amy Grant song is like, I understand Jesus isn't working. He's got a lot going on right now. But you could call. Also, I love that. At this point, the movie Shannon says, yeah, I love Amy Grant. I want to be a singer just like her one day. Now, spoiler, Shannon won't. Shannon will not achieve any of her dreams, but this is a Christian movie and we will not be concerning ourselves with girl dreams. Dammit. But anyway, so Bart goes home and finds that his mother is moving

out. Okay. And they really try to play this off differently than the way it is, right? Your mom sends you to camp and then leave just abandons you and your father abandons a nine year old child. And they're trying to twist it like it's that. I mean, it's that's all because he's a bad dad, but they're trying to twist it like abandoning your child. Sometimes you gotta leave the kid behind. What are you gonna do? Well, also I love that mom is abandoning the kid,

but she's got a moving vancola. She's moving out. She's abandoning the kid, but she's packing her shit and bubble wrap. She's not a fucking savage Just come some he's that camp alright. I'm gonna begin the six week process of my move out Yeah, well, I love to that like they they're trying to build this contrast between like you know I had this great time at camp and I was on top of the world and then I came home and it all crashed back down time at camp and I was on top of the world and then I came home and it all crashed back down.

Yeah. He actually calls it the best week of his life. That's sad, which yeah, he's overestimating the value of that first of all. Like everybody punches over their weight in like vacation and camp. Right. And definitely I feel like the guy, the guy this is based on was like insisting that this be built into the movie and everybody like the whole crew was just like, okay, dude, like, yeah, you kissed a girl at camp. No, I didn't.

I was not. She's Canada. I married her. She agreed in the prenup to say every time, whenever I call her anytime, day or night. She has a special cell phone. So case. So so Bart is all pissed. He blames beady dad for his mom, Leven, and then him, the two of them have it out.

Oh, kind of. They're going to be like a man child fight for a second. He's like, what did you do? And he's like, aren't you nothing? And you can see Dennis quayd be like, he wrestles the kid to the ground, but like Dennis quayd isn't going to hit the, it's not a beating scene. So he's just like, he's like, might as well take him by the scruff of his neck and shake him back and forth a little bit.

Like, pick him up in his mouth and yeah, get him on his robbery. The punch the kid throws is great too. He's like, it's thrown as if the fat from his arm is kind of weighing him down. So it's kind of like slowly does this really awkward look. It's like that one, you like him, you should never make you do that. He's like throw a punch. Go ahead. Like he's going to teach you how to do it.

And you're just like, I know you're going to do the like old man's strength reversal thing. And it's going to hurt. And you're going to have me in a hole or whatever. And yeah, that's how I didn't have that issue with my father. He never, he never did that like, I don't know. Do you want to get this out here on the air? It's fine.

We can take the debt of the debt of the rest. No, it was a positive thing. He taught you what you get, you become tougher. It's better. So you need to be abused. I don't, you don't. That's not what I said. No, it isn't because I haven't said that.

He's why he were on the all the King's horses episode. I'm just saying this character is so, he's always being angry, daddish, like he's killing a puppy with a miter saw. He's always doing weird, tool stuff, pissed about it. Yeah, no, he died. You can tell though that this dad definitely has his extension cords wrapped up a certain way and gets really pissed. Yeah, because if you don't roll him the right way, then they don't tell us go about equally and you get in trouble. And then you learn and then you do it the right way. We're learning a lot

about heath today. We're going to learn a lot about Eli at a few scenes here too. So all right. So we're done with the childhood stuff. We cut back to the interview. And the interviewer is like, did you ever see your mom again? I'm like, a fucking course. He saw his mom again. He's in his 30s now. And he's rich now, which you can't at the end of the movie. They're like, guess who wanted to have a son again once he had a million dollars. Yeah, right. So yeah, so and she's like, so what did you do? He says, well, I said about doing the only thing that would make my father proud. I tried to get good at football.

I was very triggered by this sequence. This is a lot for me. My only know here is you's weeping super loud. We make it kicked out of the theater. We got flashlight shine on us. So a bunch right here. Some people may have tried to follow in there. Father, father, father, football footsteps and failed.

I wish I had broken both of my legs or my spine or whatever the fuck happened. I just got tackled and made a noise and I was like, well, no more of this. But why didn't make me practice weird abuse punches? So now, it got right. I feel way better. That's it. Karate chopped me in the throat. I want to be clear. It's not he wasn't abusing me.

He was teaching me to be better with. Yeah, no, he didn't push me. He was teaching you to be better with. Yeah, no, he was pushing you to use my to be violent. Yeah, it's different. It's different. All right, so we go back to the house and he's he's barred as upstairs reading some Jesus. And he's here's his dad come up and he's like,

oh, fuck, I can't let dad catch me love in Jesus. Right? Is that what that scene was? Yep. Yep. All right. So he goes down stairs and dad has to throw the milk, dad's mad at him because he let the milk spoil.

He should have defended it against those microbes, dammit. So he like chunks the milk jug at Bart's head. And there's this amazing moment where he's like, he's like, I expect to hop practice every morning. And again, they have like a second of conversation before they've written these incredibly clumsy, I'm an abusive dad lines for him. He's just like, so did you get tackled? And he's like, yeah, it's practice. I obviously got tackled. I never got tackled. I was more of the alpha and the Omega. It's like, really, you never got tackled. Do you still running? Is the place still going dead? Yeah. Place to go. Got some good. I was. We seen the bench press downstairs. We have

an basement. Most of the keep paint cans on it. And there's weird circles there all the time now. But I could jump on there anytime I want and get time I want. Yeah, basically dad's message is you're not trying hard enough. Try to break your ankles next time, kid. It took infinity tacklers. That's how many. It was impossible. So, yeah, the new plan to make dad proud is impress him by never getting tackled by less than infinity tacklers. Immediate cut to the next seed and the kids getting both of his legs tackled off. Yeah.

But practice actually like both legs gone. Yeah. Yeah. So he wakes up at the hospital. His dad comes in and he's like, they say you can never play football again. You want me to just fold this sucker over and tell you stop beeping? Yeah.

It's so much better than that because he goes, you can't play. He goes, for how long? And he goes, ever. And then Heath starts cackling at full volume to the heart of everyone in our theater. It was so funny. The way that, like, that's not how you get that diagnosis.

It was like, the dad walks in, there's no doctor in the room and the kids just like, so what did you say? What the doctor's saying? The dad's like, yeah, you're crippled forever. There's like shit. And dad's like, yeah. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, there was a bit of an under reaction there.

Yes, we'll just toss your legs in the fire pit. I still got it going. It's fun. You need to learn. Try to punch me. They almost throw it. So try to keep me. Oh, you can't because you have no legs.

Now you like this violence. Come on. So now he's in his school, he's back at school and he's in a wheelchair and everything's going fine. But in order to graduate, he needs to pick a new elective instead of football. And the only thing open is Glee Club. Now Glee Club. And I have, yeah, well, right.

And I have to emphasize that they put in the movie that no, there were no other elective. So this guy, as they're interviewing him to do this script, he's like, look, y'all, I wasn't gay or nothing. That was the only thing open. I was playing football. I was doing something manly. And then I got hurt and I had to be gay. I mean, I feel like there was a writing session where they were like, really? They wouldn't just like let you get a credit because you've gotten hurt for the season. I mean, sure, other players would get hurt. No, no, they made me. In fact, I want to see where they put a gun to my head and I say fucking pull the trigger. Faggot. I'm fucking eatable before I hit it. But then gun clicks

and I didn't. Dick to my head. I started singing. Dick to my head. I had to do it. So I'd go into Oklahoma. I had to do it. So I'd go into Oklahoma. So. Like, remember that torture scene from here we go, Ayur Shema? It was like that. It was like. I put a bag of red on my head and my head came out safe. No, Oklahoma.

It was like deer hunter. I was like, three dicks. Give me three dicks. Ma-a-a-a-a forced him over to glee club and he doesn't want to be there at all. He gets sing or act or dance because he's in a wheelchair. Hilarity. And so they decide to make him the technical assistant technical director. But then the like the chick director, but then the,

like the chick that runs glee club, he hears him singing to himself and he's so good that he has to be the star of glee club, but she surprises him with the starring role in the musical. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We cut to the next scene. Everyone's congratulating him and he's like, congratulations for what? And then they wheel him over to the thing that says, no, no, you're going to be the lead for the school play. Like secretly cast as the lead. Yeah. It's like, I mean, involuntary like hostage theater where he's super fond of. I think about it, but that definitely didn't do that. High school. That would be amazing. I would give all my money to watch a play where you just got like all the kids who hated

attention and were really shy and you just put them in a musical by force, but they don't get to rehearse. It's just like, oh, come on, everyone still shows up. Sorry with a fringe on top. Oh, I'm so panic attack. He's going. Show doesn't end until we get to the last number, kids, but we should have a show.

Bob is drinking, but we should emphasize that once again, here he is saying like, no, I didn't want to be in no baggy play. They made me do it. They made me be in that play. Also, I just want to take a second and focus on how sad it is that like, imagine if your life was so pathetic pathetic that like getting the lead in the school play made it into your biopic. Hey imagine if your life was so pathetic, your name was so illusions, I didn't realize we were attacking each other. I'm not gonna have to be in the lead.

I'm gonna hate this show. I'm not okay with it. I was a fiddler in the room. My freshman year, I was a star. Were you currently at Oklahoma? And you don't expect to do anything so significant that that falls off of your biopic list. We don't have much time left.

No, I don't know what to tell you, man. I don't know how to fill another 60 minutes of screen time with, and then even more people listen to his podcast. So, what about to fill some time with Tevye? What about roles you didn't get? Why limit? There's some fun roles you didn't get. We could talk about them. That's good. So I didn't want to be that frozen sellman anyway. So stupid and he had to be he had to be a gay guy in Beauty and the Beast. He wants to do that and he had our zone show for a while and that got canceled.

You know what's still running? This back. No one knows what you're talking about. You lie one just get zero. Yeah. No one knows what you're talking about. Eli won Josh Gads 0. Yeah, so okay, at least at least you threw a name in there. So people tell who he was talking about. Fine, everybody. You won.

You won. Take that Josh. So then he like starts drinking halfway through the show. He's like, what's his thing? I really like it. You know, I'm a guy who got to eat. Scotch brothers. Josh Gads dad still alive to a Scott to eat. Scott brothers. Josh cats dad still live to be a

beautiful to him. Oh, yeah. So alive, live and dead. I bet he's real proud of him too. We bet he's like, oh, my son. Did you see him? Yep.

You did. You did see him. Look at me. Breathe in air. Oh, God. All right. So. So we got to him him singing in the play. And I, I'll admit, I tried as a hell of a voice. It does very well. But while the play is going on, we cut over

to dad. Dad is not at the play. He's at a diner where they have an ad for the play that he sees and it kills him. Well, he's the only one listed in the ad. It's like high scope production starring Bart. Starring your son. Yeah, yeah. And but he sees this and then he like keels over like and like we're supposed to believe like, oh, fuck, that killed him right seeing that his son was singing was enough to do the trick. To be fair if that had killed this character it would be the best. I'm not. Muscle musical shit comes spewing out of his eyes just like. But no he's not quite going to die just yet.

So here we are like 12, 13 minutes in the movie and our second character's waking up in the hospital. Up beatie dad has pancreatic cancer, but he ain't got no time for no pancreatic cancer. He's got dreams to burn. The sun and the sun's girlfriend Shannon come up and they're like, hey, are you okay? He's like, fuck you. I mean, hi. Yeah, he's like, how are you? He's like, I'm fine. Why don't you tell him about your fucking play? He's all pissed and he just goes home to like take his cancer out with a drill press.

cancer out with a drill press. Yeah. It's so funny. Yeah. Also, what's in Dennis Quaid's mouth, the whole movie? Right. He's does yet. It's like a mouthful of loose corn or something just drying in a little bit. It's weird.

I feel like there was an agent meeting where it was like, okay. Uh, so Dennis will do the movie. You have three days with him. Um, he will not take out his gum. Is that a deal breaker? He's got a thing going on right now. I'm looking for a Willie Wonka reboot. But the gum is a keeper. Yes. Also, there's this stupid bit at the end of this where Shannon, the girlfriend,

walks up to the doctor and says, excuse me, doctor, can you freely share medical diagnoses with anybody who takes an interest? No, I guess that's a good thing. Bye. I thought it was a Christian movie. It was going to be like, oh, that guy, Panky Cancer, big old Panky Cancer. But in a surprising twist of realism, he's like, who the fuck are you? And she's like, right. Right. and he's like, who the fuck are you? And she's like, right. Right. Right.

So he goes on the next day, Bart wakes up early to go to church and dad's already up and is made in breakfast. Now I want to point out that I know that dad's be to dad and we're supposed to have the idea that dad's been torturing him his whole life and everything. But in this scene, dad just is clearly trying to be nice the whole time

and Bart's be in the whole time and parts be in the asshole. Except about church though. He's not how he's a super angry atheist dad, but they don't directly say that. He's just like, Hey, Dad, go on a church. And he's like, Oh, cool. You want some eggs first or you want to fuck a dude first because you're gay. That's church is gay.

At one point he yells, what if I want to do musicals dad and I just wrote the Eli Bosnick story. I'm kidding. My father was very supportive. Well, good. Never made me practice punching. So, but the way this hole opens up is dad opens up the newspaper and he's like, Hey, look, you're on the front page of the paper and that funny. And then Bart's all like Joe Pesci, right? He's like, so my dreams are a clown to you. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I said he's Joe Pesci.

Yeah, what? So yeah, so they get into a fight. He doesn't want to eat anything. Bart wants him to, he's like, you haven't even heard me sing. Why don't you listen to it on your 1923 radio over here? Again, what decade was this supposed to be? There's this fucking amazing, great moment where he's like, they like the fight dives down and then Bart starts to do an impersonation of him, which starts the fight up again. He's like, Oh, look at me. I'm Dennis Quaid. I was in inner space. I'm Kevin Costner. I don't

think that's not fun. You got that shit out right? Oh, so fun. Yeah. The little dueling Dennis Quaid impressions at each other. And really so fun. Also small thing, I'm pretty sure Dennis Quaid just hung out with my dad for like a year to go method Because his bowl of breakfast stuff has literal vice grip pliers in it That's sitting in the bowl on the table for breakfast. Like to eat it with like as a as a utensil I yeah, maybe I don't know You know he doesn't start eating but like he might as well just like take a bagel out and cut in half with an axe like Paul Bunyan.

He's so many, so many my dad things going on. All right. So then they have a plate fight. Okay. Dennis Quaid breaks the plate over, over his son's head. So never did that one. We're learning all kind of stuff about he's. And I love record for the record

and I love to that. So then Bart goes to church all bloody headed. He doesn't even actually, okay, so fun story, but dad never, he never physically never hit me with a plate or anything, but he did, he thought there's a hilarious, he'd make like English muffin for me and he would sneak toothpicks inside the English muffin Like insert them in and I bite down on them and he'd be like, bye, you smashed it to a toothpick and it hurt a lot Sometimes he put razor blades in my apple She put razor blades in my apple. It's almost such a card. It's like a saw. It's like a slightly safer version of that.

Yes, it is. That's fun. That's fun. So we didn't play those games in my house sometimes. Sometimes we would rough house. So I get it. My dad would jab my gums too. I bet sometimes no one is there would be looking in the telescope telescope and then his dad would just shank him with a sharpened

So he goes to church all bloody headed Shannon sees him there She's like why's your head bleeding? He's like oh, it does that from time to time She's just like it happens allergies what does that from time to time? He's just like, it happens allergies. The toothpick don't. I thought it was just the English muffin. Yeah, but then we have this ridiculously where Shannon is sitting in church group with him

and all of their friends and she's like, all right, so I know this guy and I want you all to pray for him. His name rhymes with farts. So, but he gets all pissed. He's like, he goes storming out and he's like, Hey, you embarrassed me in front of church, crew. I, they know that you meant me. And she's like, well, yeah, obviously I fucking meant you. And there's this moment where he makes some kind of joke or something. And then she goes, that's not funny. And he goes, it's kind of funny.

And if that is not the summary of my whole existence, then is someone, is me upsetting someone them going, that's not funny. And he going, okay, well, it's, it is kind of funny. You mad. You said something stupid. I rolled it back into the conversation. Humor is that now I'll explain. Try your English muffin.

But it's fucking hilarious to see which muffin. So yeah, so he, but he can't love for anymore. He has to Bruce Banner his way the fuck out of there. And he takes off on his motorcycle for the big world of music. And I just wrote my notes. This is really my story guys and I need a salt respect Passes the sign that says Binghamton New York. Yeah, you go Bart. You go You're gonna be the best pigeon New York cities ever

I think I love you at that book of Mormon audition You gonna take it by storm baby So if all the you could have tapped dance before Jesus. So now. It's so dark. It really started dark. Let's face it, this started dark. All right, so he goes to the big city. That would be Oklahoma city, by the way.

Yeah. Right, because they say I had to leave to the big city to find my dreams and then it literally comes up and says Oklahoma City six months later. I'm like, oh fuck you. I've been looking at hotels in that city for the last week and a half. The music scene is like the music store. Yeah. The art center. And so, okay, so he's working at some youth group and this band is like, they walk in and they're like, oh, here we are, a band without a singer. This is quite the dilemma for us.

He's just like plugging in sound equipment. The lead singer vanishes into a cloud of smoke. Yeah, right. He's like, pulls a pencil out of his short hair and it'd be like, I'll be your lead singer. And they're like, ooh, yeah. Hey, good news, guys, turns out you're just a convenient plot device. What was he doing there? Was he just hanging out hoping for a gig? He worked at that center.

He worked for the youth. He was like the roadie, the house roadie or whatever. That makes me feel slightly better. I thought he was just like wandering around theaters. Hey, you guys need a lead. Oh, never mind. The production of water sales guy. Yeah. You guys need a Willie Lohman? Nope. Looks like you got one for our weird so many theaters come fully cast. So yeah. So he joins this band. They call themselves Mercy Me and then we cut to one of their gigs. Now, they're playing. We don't know who this guy is, but as they're playing, there's this big biker looking dude with a ponytail standing in a catwalk as though he's

going to assassinate them horribly unimpressed. This motherfucker looks miserable. He looks so mad. This whole character. Yeah. We don't know. So his whole thing is just like, fuck you. Right. But in the audience isn't really loving it all that much. But just then Bart tells the audience a story that touches their collective heart and they sing a song about fucking God. Absolutely, right? and they sing a song about fucking God. Absolutely, right? It is crazy how much that song is about fucking Jesus, right?

He's just, and he's making love to the song too. He's like, oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus. Let me hear it now. Jesus. You're standing over there. You're standing over there. So have an English muffin Jesus. And the band, it makes no sense.

The band's immediately locked into this song he made up just out of nowhere. He's like, so maybe this crowd, you heard about this guy named Jesus and the band's like, we got it. Lord, Lord, God, Lord, God. That is the only Christian song for Dan Fantke. And of course, now Catwalk Biker gets it, right? He sees Bart Soul, like when George W. Met Putin, and he understands that this guy could really be something one day.

Oh, also, by the way, I got to point this out. The whole fucking time, the audience is doing that mad mad creepy Jesus camp wave thing with their eyes closed. What is that? And how do I get our audiences to do it? Because it seems that's creepy as fuck. Yeah, you infect them with the zombie virus. We make a Christian podcast is how we do that. Yeah.

Two months. So yeah, and okay, so this is where we learned that catwalk biker is a big Christian music producer that bars been super anxious to meet for a long time. Brickle. Yeah, Brickle. We get this. We get this weird exchange about their names. He's like, hey, Mr. Brickle and the guy's like, it's just Brickle.

Like, Manning, the mail port, never mind. And he's like, and then brickle does the same thing back to me, he's like, okay, Barth, and he's like, it's Bart. Like who gets what you can say? Who says Barth instead of Bart? He goes, all right, Barth, and no, it's a person's name. You know, the sound yours is brickle. You read a lot of semiotics. You know, roll it. No, not rolling bar. Okay. Stupid. You, uh, you've ever been John Candy and a dog. No, all right. So yeah, and

he's got to give him this whole like you're good kid, but you're not ready. You're not Christian enough. You're too old to be a Jedi. You need to find your song. Yeah. Brickles the like Christian, Mr. Miyagi. Exactly. Right. Next scene, they're like nailed to a cross and crane position. No, sing. I'm very much in pain. Use it. He goes, you're not ready, kid. This is just the beginning of act two. And of course, uh, Bart is like, well, can you at least ride around on our come stained bus? And he's like, no, I don't want to, I don't want to touch your bus. It's kind of gross. So then we have to go see Shannon. Now, I love this moment in the movie because you have to step

back from this and understand that this is a real dude. Tell the story of his life to to a film writer and he's like, so what did you do? Did you get some pussy or anything while you're out there? He's like, no, I pined for my wife the whole time, y'all. I pined for my wife. Show that a lot in the movie about how all I was doing was thinking about her the whole time. Okay. Yeah, because one time she heard a woman's voice, when she called and there's a hole, she still asked about it. I would really love this movie to reflect. It's first stopped into the ass. That.

So he goes to see Shannon and he buzzes himself in, pretends to be a cop, does it like a complete asshole? Yeah, he breaks into her building and then he jumps out and surprises her like an asshole, which he comes down the stairs. Yeah. I wanted to like mace him and just putting in. He's like, surprise. You want to get back together and hang out all the time.

And she's like, what? I have a whole, we have no idea what my character is up to at this point. He's like, ah, who cares? Come on. And just to make it worse, he gives her a shitty CD. It's like, oh my god, one of the, is this fucking Times Square? Do I have to fucking run people off in my own apartment? We're trying to do this shit too.

I wanted him so badly, he'd be like, cool, cool. That's 20 bucks. Oh, god, this is like the worst version of here. Read some of my poems while I watch your reaction. So he goes back downstairs to tell the band that no, they will not be trained fucking Shannon. Unfortunately, but this is when we learned that catwalk biker thought better of it. And he did come along after all. And is it me or did the movie pause for a laugh at that moment? The whole movie just held for like a good 60 seconds while they were waiting for the theaters all over America to just crack up and lose it and brickle coming along.

My theater did. I didn't notice the boss because I actually needed it to let the laughter die down. Yeah. So this is where we move into our being a Christian musician montage. Yeah. They're doing that rebellious Christian music and Oklahoma. Yeah. So much courage.

We need a montage to show it. Living a tough life. And then we get this thing where they learn that they're going to play at GM A week. Now, I want to point this out. This is such a popular event that Google assumed I was asking about good morning America weekend edition. The movie didn't really know it at all because at one point, one guy in the band's like, what's GMA week? Any other guy's like, well, it's only the biggest event in. I didn't say yes. The ass.

The movie. Yeah, they actually couldn't think of a meaningful way to. In that sense. Yeah. I should showcase. I think, okay, so GMA is the gospel music association. So I think this is the double words presentations or something. I don't know.

Anyway, they're going to play there. It's a pretty big deal. It's not like Google knows about it big, but it's pretty fucking big. So they're going to do that. But first we have to have another missing Shannon montage. So we cut to GMA week and I fucking love this scene too. Where they walk into the theater where they're going to be playing and they're going like, whoa, this theater is almost as big as the smallest one. The game guys have ever done a live show in. It's

so huge. It's amazing. Just like, what is this? 75 seats? No. Right. What have we brought some more in and put them in the front then yes, then it would be 75 Eats man, yeah, but it's supposed to be like they made it big and they're gonna be huge and they're like and this is Dingo he's your sound guy. We got you as he's magical with sound stuff Yeah, and first of all apparently we're just gonna like ignore that there's a grown man named Dingo And first of all, apparently we're just going to like ignore that there's a grown man named Dingo. And this movie is just gloss right over that. But but Dingo's can do it.

Like I really wanted a montage of him just Dingo plugging in different sound cables. Yeah. I'm right. It's a ship down of the XLR three quarter. Yeah. Oh, so, so this is where we get the, the cameo in the movie, right? He goes backstage and there's this dude doing a cameo where they like obviously no No one's gonna know who he is. So they have to start by saying his name and position. Right? He's like it's like a TV show where they go like, oh look, it's former green based Packers cornerback pat Lee, you know, it's that kind of came yo, I don't know sis. Yeah.

But then and he's like, oh my God, I know who you are. You were at a concert once that I was at watching you and you were a red vest at that concert. Yeah. What was it? Was he like the valet? What? But then he turns around the cameo guy does John cameo. I'm going to call him. And he says,

I don't know Amy Grant, the famous Christian singer was I wearing a red vest at that thing. And then we turn around and boom, Amy fucking grant is there. Hey, credit where credit is due. Amy Grant looks fucking incredible. She's 57. What looks, she looks significantly better than I do. Significantly younger. That's the weird. That's the weird example. Most people describe somebody's track.

Yeah. And like, uh, Bart goes, is that Amy Grant? I'm like, I don't fucking know, dude. You tell me I would know if she licked me. Don't believe me, Amy Grant. Lick me and find out I dare you. I bet you can't. I bet you're too scared to lick me, Amy. 57? 57. Oh, yeah. She looks beautiful. And anyways, he's all starstruck. He's like, uh, Amy. Hi, nice to meet you. Oh, it's the first amendment stupid. I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to, I love to Okay, an example at the moment that Eli is making fun of me for right now. That's fine.

My dad was never like try to kick a line at me, kick a line at me. He should have never trained me. I talked to girls. It's better to pick got your tongue, boy. That old chestnut. It was literally done. It's done. All right.

So now it's time for the big show, a big I have in quotation marks. And the movie, by the way, recognizes their music sucks. So they don't make you sit through much of it. They like, they give you like the last two chords at the end. All right. Well, that was our show, folks. Glad you didn't have to sit through that. And it's great.

There's this, this row of angry, like athiast music execs in the front row, just like reading Darwin being like, boo, boo, just music. Don't impress me. So yeah. So after the show, the whole band is sitting around backstage nervously waiting to find out what all the record executives think, right? Biker, catwalk, biker, dude, Brickle is out front talking to them, but Bart just can't wait. So he pulls what I call an Eli ask audible. He just bursts out from behind there.

He's like, I know you told me to stay back there, but how much do you like me? Am I being professional now? I accidentally ate acid. I'm having a crazy life. And the amazing thing is like, the guys are like, seriously, do you want this to be back? And he's like, yeah, tell me whatever you got. I've had me with it, had me with it. And they're like, well, you have a lot to work on.

It kills himself instantly, just like that. Yeah. I quit music forever. You know shit about big fucker. It's small in the face with a play to eggs. Yeah, so yeah, he's like, am I good enough? And they're like, no, I know you're not. I know a guy looking for a pizza delivery specialist, though. And so he freaks the fuck out and decides

to stop being a musician altogether. We also, we even get the like the flashbacks to his dad also telling him he wasn't good enough. Just like those record executives told him, yeah. And it's so stupid. It's like, we can't sell your Christian music. Christian stuff does not sell. That is proof. We need atheist records only. It's dumb. Yeah.

So, okay. So he goes backstage where he continues to rent like an asshole now. Like he's like, yeah, I fucked up our chances and I'm mad at you guys because I'm not better than I am. He's like, I've been trying for minutes minutes. Do you hear me? Yeah. Why can't a mediocre fat guy be a rock star?

Y'all tell me. But yeah, but of course he goes to quit the band, but catwalk, biker follows him to talk some sense into him. And he gives him what I call an atomic pep talk. If you took any one element away from this pep talk It would no longer be a pep talk. It's like the minimum measurable amount of pep talk He goes let me tell you you suck most of the time But not a hundred percent of the time

Well, then he's like well, but what is the backstory of this film? He's like, daddy issues. Yeah, he has daddy issues, right? We went over that at the beginning and it'd be weird if we didn't flash back now, because it'd be the same beginning in the movie. And we let him to here, but then we'd have to move forward into where the original narration began. Right. But the advice is just like, Oh, your dad beat you, write a song about the beating. Yeah. So like belt, stick and wrench goes platinum eventually.

That's only done. This is Christian music. People are going to get it. Yeah, right. Right. And he wants, yeah, he wants the faces fear of the abusive dad. I just want him to like cut to like Bart lowering himself into a cave full of Dennis quads flying around.

Yeah, right. Right. So now, okay, minutes later, Bart is super sorry. He doesn't want to quit the band anymore. He's sorry guys. He's like, yeah, man, like it's been 38 seconds. Which is why we didn't, we haven't hired anyone. Do do the sound guy is just sadly taking a guitar off of his shoulder. Yeah. I heard that's how one got this job. So he's but the one guy's

like, so are we a band again? And he goes, no, we're not a band. We're a family. From now on, we're not a podcast. We're a family. Now we're a podcast. We're a family. So don't the carat of smashes. Yeah. The dogs charge exactly. Ben's family. Well, I know there's been an awful lot of plot so far. So we should probably take a break and let the audience catch up. But first, let me give act three of the hard cell. Will the Avengers be able to stop Thanos

before he collects the final infinity stone? Will Percival find the keys in time to save the oasis? Also, what the fuck is going on with this stupid movie? Find out the answers to these questions and less when we return for the yada yada yada conclusion of. I can only imagine. Jesus, we have the new batch of heaven arrivals. Thought you might wanna greet him. Man, they just keep coming, dovely. Yeah, sure bring him on in. Hey, so thanks for having me. No problem, go say hi to grandma.

Oh, grandma. Cool. Cool. Next. Hey, Jesus. What are you, what are you, what. Hey, Jesus. What are you? What are you? What are you?

I'm sorry, what are you doing? I'm dancing for you. Why? I don't know, I figured, you know, best foot forward, right? Like, wow! Yeah! Okay, okay, kicking, kicking. Yeah, I did.

Did some type of one-know in high school, so I figured, you know, show you my best foot. Wow! Oh, okay. Yeah, nice to tech one know in high school? So I figured, you know, show you my best. Oh, okay. Yeah, nice to meet you, dude. I can see a lot more than I, you're in a robe. Anyway, welcome to heaven. Okay. Let's do anything for you. Honestly, is that river dance?

No, it's not, it's doing nothing. Okay. Well, if it's not doing anything for you, then this obviously isn't heaven. So I guess I mean, oh, I mean, yeah, no, great dancing man. Welcome to heaven man. Now go say hi to grandma or something. Okay.

Cool. Uh, she's not here. She's, she's badly. Oh, no, yes, she was. She was. Like dance. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our hero, he was going home to confront his dad and he was not wearing a helmet. He's kind of asking for it, I guess. And at that again, he's just doing angry dad. He's got tools everywhere. Like an alcoholic

would have beer cans. He's just like random power tool stuff on random pieces of the house. He's just button would smashing it down doesn't matter. It's the best. So, yeah, so he comes in dad's asleep, he goes to bed, wakes up the next morning, dad has cooked him breakfast. And specifically dad made him a frittata. And he comes in and he's like, I mean, made you a frittata. Yeah, and he comes in and he's like, I mean, me, me, you know, frittata, you probably have

a lot of questions about this frittata. It's, it's, it's, it's Spanish. It's really an homilite. It's funny how it's a combination of spices, but it's like saying all Mexican foods the same combination of ingredients. You know, that old joke, but honestly, it's good. Got jail they protein. Well, I, apparently they just think that Dennis Quaid saying Frittata is so fucking funny

that they can live there for like 10 minutes. I mean, I left it for Tata for all. And then dad wants to say grace. Right. Right. And this is that really the fucking crux of the whole movie dad's Christian now so he's fixed it couldn't be being lonely and dying makes you less likely to hit people know he's Christian now so he's fixed And his grace is so bad right he's like uh Dear god The key to the frittata is how hot you get the pan. Happy birthday.

So so dad says this shitty grace. And then he goes and then he goes like, well, what made you Christian? He's like, I read the Bible. You want to see my burned in trails? Yeah. And Bart goes, oh, yeah. Did you, uh, what part of the Bible? And he goes all of it.

Parts like, all right. Thanks, Sarah Palin, maybe name a book in the Bible. So I'm going to learn this is two sentences away from he's trapping me in a conversation where he's like, really, you read a lot of John lock. I love it. Did you read the lock and key, the graphic novel? Yeah. the lock and key. Oh, the graphic novel. Yeah. But John lock and key. Goldie lock in the three bears repeating. So, all right. And they play this like comedy line, right? Well, he's like, I read the Bible several times, what the hell's up with Leviticus? Yeah. What's

the deal with Leviticus? Have you seen this? Yeah, I'm about this. I was like, you guys can't use that as a punchline. I'm allowed to do this because I'm not the one that says this book is the work of God. You can't do that. And then he has this weird moment where he's like so happy and rebuild and magipe. Fuck your mom's so hard on that jeep. So hard and he's like, stop trying to connect with me dad,

which I'm here to fight or something. I don't know. You're a bad dad. Yeah, what, what, what is he here for? He's like, I don't want to connect you with you, dad. He's like, why the fuck are you in my home? Then he's like, yeah, I don't make no sense at all. Does it? Shit. And dad's like, well, I dreamed that maybe we could fix that cheap up together. He's like, give up on your dreams, dad. Boom. Dynamite. Like in the first fucking scene. Dynamite motherfucker. Throw your Jeep in the fire pit. How you like it? Asshole.

He's like, I think when you do bad things, you just have to know who you are forever, dad. You just wear it like a chain around your heart forever. Anyways, I got to see you. Thanks for talking. Yeah. I'm now leaving. So he goes to get on his motorcycle, but then changes his mind. I don't know. I didn't get broken or I was Oh, okay. So his bike won't start. So he's gonna steal his dad's truck. I guess. And this coming up is my absolute favorite part of the movie. He gets it. He gets dude's dad's truck.

And he's just like, oh, look, it's a pamphlet that says, pancreatic cancer. Yeah. The worst of all the cancers on the front page. What could this be about? Yeah. And he grabs it and then like a spring loaded letter popped out. And it's like diagnosis, pancreatic cancer, your dad has it in bright red at the bottom,

diagnosis, pancreatic cancer. Like that's how they tell you you have it. Like, consider Dennis Quaid, regret to inform you that turnover cancer, like, what is we a scratch off like and why does he keep it in the car and forgets what kind of cancer he has? I'm sorry, so can I see your license registration of what kind of cancer you have?

And MacMahon shows up with a giant check paid the order of dad has cancer. Damn it. Let's balloon suck. So yeah, dad's got the dying and Bart figures this out. So he goes out to the garage. Now dad is beating the Jeep up with a baseball bat. Dad collapses.

Art picks up the baseball bat and seriously considers beating his dad to death with it. Okay. How amazing would it be if I can only imagine started to play and he's just killing his dad with a band. And then it cuts back to the lady from the beginning and she's like, oh, wow, that is a crime. Two of crime. What is I'm watching that he's standing over his dad with a baseball bat and I'm like,

what the fuck kind of song is this But the movie plays this I guess I won't kill my cancer as father with a club as though this is this moment of great mercy Right it's that he's just like dad are you dying? I wanted to be like you have to tell me Are you dying? I wanted to be like, you have to tell me. Show me your dick. Don't ask. Bilt stick radiation or chemo.

What do you want? So yeah, he forgives his dad, takes his dad to church. Right. And they bring up John Newton. John Newton, which is the ultimate of the like stories you would not want to tell, right? It's like, let me tell you a story about John Newton He was a slave trader for years. He Thrived on the rape and enslavement and destruction of families and the death of innocent people, but then he wrote a

song that we like What are you gonna fucking do? What are you going to fucking do, right? Yeah, amazing grace. That's catchy. You shit. The hundreds of thousands of rapes that he enabled. Still good at physics. Still good at physics. You don't know. Well, and also, by the way, the message of this movie is clearly sending here is if you think about it, this number 71 on the billboards chart song for a week really is kind of like the modern amazing grace. Fuck you. Fuck you movie.

Jesus. Fuck John Newton. Like, amazing grace is a good song, but still fuck John. Yeah. It turns out there is no song. I like the boys are back in town, but you can't lay, oh no, they ran over a bunch of people with their tour bus. Okay, well then fuck guys, you can't.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. But yeah, so we get that, then we get the Bart and Dad for giving each other montage. And then by the way, that melds straight into another montage, right? This goes from like making up with Dad montage to a pining for Shannon montage. You can't do back to back montages, guys.

There are fucking rules. You got to double up on the montage. Double up on the montage. Also, by the way, I'm sorry, but are we learning that this grown man started journaling again? Because the dad, because the, well, while he's making up with that, he's like, uh, so you still with that girl Shannon, he's like, no, he's like, well, what the fuck's wrong? What's you boy? You ain't never going to get no pussy hot.

Is that again? You're a fat kid. Are you not aware? Slapped those tips. Look at that. Still bobbin. Look at you and your men for each other. Didn't you watch the beginning of the movie? Yeah.

Right. Right. So he calls her and he's like, yeah. And at this point, she won't take us calls. So he's just, we have all these scenes where he's calling and talking to our answering machine. And he's like, I started journaling again as though that's going to be what does it? Sploosh. Yeah. exactly. Hello, hello. You were journaling this. Say it again. But slower. I love a man who journals. What size? You mean that you like give into propancha? Pretty excessively like in written form. You reenforce all those bad thoughts. There's a lot of evidence. That's bad for you. So now it's time for dad to give his dying speech. And it turns out that it was Bart singing that brought dad to Jesus and saved his soul

in the first place. Turned out that after he hit him with that plate that day, he did listen to him sing music on his World War One radio. And this is also where dad takes back his like, Hey, I was wrong about the not following your dream shit. Why don't you go ahead and try that. I want some dead. I won't care anymore. Okay.

And again, sorry, little theater story here. That's what happens in the scene at which point he felt in Bethesda and right turns to me and goes, Hey, did he just say the end word? And he said the N word. He definitely, that's the day. Watch the N Lee, they're accidentally said the N word. And there was no end. Well, we're pretty sure they're up in N.

So we had a weird whisper fight in the back of the steam for the right. I have no idea what happened in the rest of this scene because he was just like, he did. He did. He was like, they're all about and I was like, no, it's not, no one said the end. He said, I don't think they did. He did. He was like, they're all about and I was like, no, it's not no one said the end. I don't think they did. Stop whispering inward. I, so over three, say, so I also, I have to point this people in front of us are like, stop it. So I also have to point this part out. Um, Bart's dad at this point, he's like, I left you some life insurance and I, what

little money I have, I'm, I'm going to leave to you. So you've got some money now. So this is the story of this kid bumping around with his band and tell his dad's life insurance money ran out. That is the story we're hearing. Yeah. He got a life insurance plan with all that like angry, self-employed woodcutting money. I guess.

Yeah. And how does the movie think life insurance works? Like, you have to hand somebody a physical skeleton key to a chest of gold. And get it at some point. It's like, it only dances like a big thing. It's on it somewhere. It's written down. I'm just saying, at least his dad left him some money out.

I'm taking a plate full of eggs to the back of the head. You see how nice that is? That's a bum around with his band. Jesus. Would have been fantastic. So it's fine. It's fine. Never put toothpicks in my food. It made me pregnant. It's all good. Thanks for all the support, dad. I'm so cheese. I made it. So, so then we actually get the one part of this movie that I thought was very well done. You know, we see it so infrequently. I'll call it out when I see it. Do you mean the song, Amazing Grace? Well, yeah, in the way that because as he's dying, he's like sing to me Bart, and so we switch

between Bart singing him Amazing Grace, and then we switch to him hearing Bart on the radio, singing Amazing Grace and coming to Jesus. And then that all ends in the funeral where they're all singing amazing grace for dad. I thought that that was really well done. And I just wanted to like scream at the top of my lungs, Christian movie makers. It's like that. But for a whole fucking movie, a whole movie. Imagine doing that the whole time. Try that hard. That's what you're shooting for. I cried a lot during that scene and it made he's fantastically uncomfortable. Because still like I was motion activated. I just like stop taking notes and just wait it for me to finish crying. I was like, if I keep crying, he will have no notes for the rest of this.

I was trying to get his attention with other stuff like, hey, look, I'm shaking my hand. You're gonna get your soda. So, A is cozy black Panther. We can talk about this movie some other time. So then we, and this is very important at the funeral grandma, who is of course, leechman, the fuck is she doing in this? Anyway, so she just turns to him at one point and she goes, just imagine what your daddy's seeing now, you know, like in that crappy Christian song.

I just noticed that he has, did he say the N word in this notes here? I just noticed that he has did he say the N word in this notes? I'm pretty sure. If you guys go back, go back and watch the movie theaters again. No, I guess that's the gambit that you have to offer. There's no fucking way I'm going to go back and check. So yeah, all right. He said the N words. So now he's back with the band, which was apparently just waiting for him this whole

time. You know, I'm wearing a bag off. I wanted them to cut over there, just like in still in Nashville in that green room, just like, man, what the fuck? I wonder if he's, he's killed his dad yet or hang until his dad's dead or what? Just throw him in the fire pit. Let's fucking go. And this is where he starts to write the song. And I just wrote in my notes, yep, great art always happens on the very first try.

Well, also, okay. So he's flipping through his journal and he's seeing the words I can only imagine several times in his journal. And of course, my question is, why does his journal have nine words per page? He's going for a page count in his personal journal. Why, yeah. Are you, are you triple spacing your hand right? No, page spacing, your page spacing, yeah, apparently, you can move the margins. That makes no sense. He cannot handle multiple sentences on the same page, I guess. He wrote, I can only imagine every like on 30 different pages. He's got

like tattoos on it, like, Memento. I can only imagine. Yeah. This is a nine year old boys journal. We know he was talking about what of a China looks like. You're not fooling that. We all end up writing like the booby song if this is how it works. Exactly. Right. So we have to come to catwalk biker, uh, uh, uh, Brickle who can't stop listening to his awesome new single. Yeah.

He taped his performance. The one after his dad died and Brickle got the tape and Brickle's listening to it and he like does that thing into like start slowly dancing uncontrollably like first his leg. Like I just can't ignore that. There goes my hips. Oh, look at that. This is amazing. This song is almost too good.

If you think about it, too good for music. Yeah, the song's like the ring. You have to pass it on. Yeah. Also, of course, John cameo is there in his office and he likes that music too. He likes it so much that they should send it to Amy Grant. And here's the amazing thing. This movie accidentally keeps sliding in the insidious corporate side of Christian music because in this great come to God moment, the two main character protagonists are like,

you know, that would be great for Amy to cover because I've met a bunch of people would buy that. And she's a slightly bigger name than bar. We probably get that onto the iTunes charts. Don't you think? I mean, we'll get to it. We'll get to the most weird corporate part of this movie. But go ahead. Yeah. So we cut to the house of skills. Now I know that doesn't mean anything to the audience, but yeah, to us, when we first met Eli, Heath and I lived in a house that was very much like the house that you would imagine a bunch of band mates living in anyway. So they cut to me and Heath's old house and there's a phone call from Amy Grant. Now we have to do this super funny like they hand the phone to Barton is like,

she's like, Hey, it's Amy Grant and he hangs up. Ha, ha, funny guys. But no, I thought they were going to do the different person thing. Like the phone rings again. He's like, Amy Grant, sorry about that. And it's just like, no, this is the news boys. Fuck you. Amy Grant, that's not funny. You've seen how we've aged. You know how we've aged. That's not cool, man. But I love to that what we're really doing here is stroking Amy, Amy Grant's ego. It's like, yeah, the hung up because you're so super famous.

People would be very impressed to get a phone call from you, Amy, in our script, bull shit. Lick me and find out the truth, Amy. That's right. Come hang out with us. Come hang out with us. Come hang out with us. And we won't know that it's you. We won't, we won't hang out. So okay, probably busy. Can't a light dinner fondue right now. You won't. I was married before. So the record started. So now we're all the way back around to the beginning. And apparently it's been Amy Grant asking him questions the whole time, right? She's the interviewer.

So the reveal in this movie is, come on, what are the odds? Anybody's going to recognize Amy fucking Grant. They wanted this to be a big reveal. Yeah. Oh, shit. It was Amy Grant the whole time, but we saw that at the beginning. Yeah. We knew that was happening. Except I didn't know who the fuck Amy Grant was. Yeah. By the way, Amy, if you licked me, everyone would know who you were. They would all remember you. Okay. Let me tell you, Amy. So this is where she asked, again, we're back right at the beginning, like, how did you write this song? And I thought, like, a clever enough script doesn't have to then have him answer the question that this entire movie to this point has been the answer to, right? He's like,

right. So for anyone not paying attention and that's a bunch of you. And then God made him awesome. I can only imagine how awesome heaven is. Yeah. Yeah. On the same bench. So Amy agrees that she's going to cover his song and it's gonna be huge. So he calls Shannon to tell her the good news. Now I guess I should probably point out that like this actually, the like no, honey, I was pining for you the whole time thing works both ways because like the, the Shannon who's not answering his phone, like clearly she's fucking somebody right. Oh, I wanted Shannon's black boyfriend to walk into the room right now.

So badly, it's like honey, is he still calling? No, it's fine. It's fine now. Dennis Quaid walks in with his underwear. Do you think he knows? I fake my death. He probably doesn't. So, but yeah, the movie forgot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha about the, whatever our conflict was, was it the thing where you asked people to pray for me in church? Anyway, we're resolved now. I've resigned by apologize for that.

You know, we make up. Yeah. Yeah. And of course, she's so impressed that he apologized for the whatever the fuck it was that she picks up the phone, but it's too late. He hangs up just as she answers.

Like always. So then we cut to the big concert hall before the Amy Grant concert. Now at first we just see him sit on the stage before he had like chatting with Amy about how it's going to be such a big night for him. Yeah, I don't, I don't know that it's a big night for the writer of a song that someone famous covers. Just not picturing Taylor Swift talking to some 40 year old guy It was a backup guy for the bg's just

Me singing that song I bet that's what you've always dreamed of was writing music for other people the same I need you to get off the stage. I have some I'm in a singer's song now, but you can sit in the audience elsewhere Yes. If you buy a ticket. All right. So we cut to the concerts going and I love once again, they recognize the movie makers recognize how bad the music is because you think you're gonna have Amy Grant as your guest. You would think you'd have Amy Grant sing one of her popular songs at this moment in the movie. But no, they give us like the last four seconds of a terrible goddamn song, which was more than enough. And again, it's just the

Amy Grant like, on our Jesus seems real busy. So she finishes that up and now she's gonna sing her rendition of his song, but wait, no wait, she can't quite do it. She's gonna have to let him sing it. What? Totally impromptu. Yeah, right. Yeah, no, that wasn't planned at all by the marketing people Fuck you and then finally after the entire goddamn movie we get to go oh that song That's a bit is that we all had the exact same emotional journey. Oh, yeah, I remember that Is on the radio for a little bit. No, no, no, it. It was an annoying, but it was on. It was on the radio. I do remember that. It's like, I remember it's like slightly more Christian

drops a Jupiter. Yeah, it's like, we're in, we're in, we're in. We're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, oh, I'm just riding a little proud. It's, I don't like that. But yeah, but don't like that. But yeah, but the audience sure as hell does. Yeah, and Brickle loves it too.

Brickle walks in at this point and he's like, you son of a bitch. But you can see the actor absolutely just so sad about having to pretend he loves dies a little bit inside. Like even the actors go and wait, we're making a movie about this fucking song. I wrote as a joke that went because it pans to his face and then it pans to the empty theater. And I wrote, oh, it's going to be empty except for Jesus who gave him an orson well standing over.

Yeah, right. But it was his dad. I thought it was going to be Jesus for a second. It was just like this guy gets it dancing for the end finally. So yeah, so he sings his song. Everybody claps for him and loves him. But damn it. He only wants to get to Shannon who's in the audience.

Trying to get to her like me trying to go to a bathroom after a live show. Yeah, right. He's like, I'm gonna poop into your hands. Yes, he walks out of the audience and he finds it. I wanted him to walk right past her though and just start making out with the girl right behind her. Yeah. We never developed your story. Yeah, no, I'm with the Glee club teacher from earlier. Yeah. So also we have to point this out too, because as he's about to sing this song, like in that exact moment, his band is back home about to deliver a bunch of packages that have like, you know, from the writers of the big hit Amy Grant song on them. Right. And again, this is the moment of like totally opening to the door to the corporate shell that is Christian music, right?

It's just like, guys, don't send out the ad packets. All right. Well, we already agreed to 30 20. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're all very clearly a business. We have a packing and shipping business to various radio stations all over the country, but we're going to pretend. The automatic and meaningful. Yeah, it's not like a magic pumpkin scenario. Like, they don't have to do anything here. Also, like, I'm sorry, but what's the timing of this? What time is Amy Grant having a big concert and UPS is doing pickups? Right. So anyway, yeah, but they have to stop the truck that they're delivering them singles in because Amy Grant gave them back the song and now it's their single. I think of trying to pitch that movie in a screenroom, Just not and then the big moment is they got a they get their

single back. That's a big, exciting. And of course, he could fill it's a Christian movie. So they're like, yeah, I guess we're gonna have to do that now. So yeah, so then the song gets super popular. We have to have their song getting popular montage. Yeah. So stupid. Like we hear a bunch of DJs, Christian ones being like number one, Christian song in America, but also they want to tell us the real radio stations. So it's like, this is an eight years radio stations.

And the top request is a Christian. Actually, hold on getting word. We are a Christian radio station now too. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, right. Amazing. Yeah. And by the way, no, it was never the top requested song in any goddamn radio station anywhere outside of the Christian music.

It would be for pre conversion sets voice to be in this montage. Man, I'm going to love it forever. I haven't heard it yet. If I don't love it, I'll probably turn into an atheist. And then we get the actual breakfast club clothes where it's like talking about, oh, you know, there are song went triple platinum and they had 21 more hit songs. 21 more hit songs, none of which ever reached the top 200 on any non Christian chart. Seriously, you guys remember their second biggest hit word of God speak of fucking course. You didn't unless you were Seth Andrew

does a child in which case I'm very sorry about this whole rant. Word of God speak. There's Jesus over there. No, not that guy. That's his friend. Tim, this is Jesus. That's at least double platinum right there.

He like that's if you if if the whole podcasting thing doesn't work out, you know, and I in this little thing, they had this great moment. I thought it was very sweet. I love this movie. They had their wedding picture and you see the real people and they are way fatter than the actors they hired for this movie. You were just like, ah, look at them. Oh, there you go.

It's great to show us like the album cover photo of one of Mercy Me's albums and they're trying to, it's great. They're trying to be all a loof, like looking off the sign, but they're trying so hard to do it. Yeah, you can see I'm shaking and I still photo trying to look at the camera. They look so, and yeah, they look like an ad for like the LLB and Husky section.

It's not great. And then we have to end with a clip of them playing at the National Prayer Breakfast for Trump. Oh, Jesus, I didn't realize I was 2017 prayer breakfast. I was already out. I will admit I was out of the theater by that point. I was just kind of I was glancing over my shoulder. Okay. Yeah. And then they played at the prayer breakfast. All right. I'm done. Okay. But we need to talk about the craziest part of this movie and it's in the last second of the movie. It cuts to a picture of him and his dad, the real guy and his dad and another guy who I assume is his brother. Okay. Who's not in the movie at all. Yeah, he was burned in the barrel. They probably

cut that out to get the PG rating. In the last three seconds of the movie. They're like, by the way, I have a brother. Yeah, he didn't really fit in. We just figured, you saw that but you were weeping violently at this right? I was, I was, I was, I was, I saw through my tears. It was blurry, but I saw it. All right. So this is actually our second Erwin brothers flick. The Erwin brothers wrote and directed this when the first one that we saw from them was October baby. So they've now done the origin story of a shitty Christian song and the origin story of a shitty Christian person. So in the interest of job security, I want your suggestions for something even more boring that they can do the origin story of next.

Um, you can only imagine it would be the origin of species just like two hours of finch beaks. No way in hell we're seeing that one. I hope you've got a different suggested Eli. The writings of the Apostle Paul. Yeah. Pethy a piss all movie. Jesus fucking grace that's coming up. I was going to say something like, oh, this growth on my bum.

This. Let me tell you all about it actually. Yeah. Okay. Well, while that doesn't for our review, I can only imagine Eli's already got me all fucking depressed. So I might as well ask you about next week. Eli, tell us what's on deck?

Paul the opposite. Right. Oh, movies and theaters are the only way I can get heat to hang out with me. What? We're eating real cheese fondue next time. Real cheese fondue. Oh my God. He loved every second of it.

Don't let him lie to you. Soy mushroom. Ew. Melt. Oh, fucking gross. He loved every second of it. Don't let him lie to you. Soy mushroom. Ew. Melt. Oh, fucking gross. He loved it. Imagine melting a soybean and then eating that. What was that?

Cheese. It would be just like cheese. Okay. The cheesecake was dusty. I will admit that the cheesecake was a little dusty. I would say the entire thematic thing going on for the meal was dust. Yes. All right.

Well, it still sounds better than Paul the Apostle of Christ. So with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 135 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the arranging, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So I've got awful. And thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by living as a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a, the excitation needed and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodoffalmoviesaGmail.com, legal surfaces for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right knee-lip osnick-omno-illusions promise to work hard during another chunk next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club clothe. Mercy me, to a gunfight with the news boys, outside of the set for God's not dead four. All eight band members were killed. Don McClane wrote a song. What did he did he take back American by? We're even now we're even. Music itself never fully recovered. Eliza Christian music song.

There he is Jesus right over there. No, not that guy. That's his friend Tim sold 84 million copies. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Have a pedometer on it. Do you know how many steps you're taking today? I do yes. Do you know like offhand like about about what your average is? Not off the top of my head. I could tell you though. I've got all that stuff. That's not that big a deal. It is No, no, I'm curious Years is an Apple watch so I'm sure we can't compete directly or anything because mine can compete with anything Except the Apple watch and yours can compete with only an Apple watch because they're great. There's my steps monthly average of 8,952

steps. I was going to say 10,000. Nice. Nice. You're whipping my ass, man. I need to move to New York. Yeah. Yeah. Got a trudge to fucking blink every single day. Yeah, right, right. Run around like an asshole while everyone else is trying to lift weights doing the same beach body workout. The same teenager. 19 year old telling me to do pushups. I can't do. No, I am doing thigh master. I have a thigh master. I paid for it. I'm going to use it. I got this fucking, the, you know, I've got a leader board thing. I'll tell you like how you do compared to the other people out in the universe that use this watch. And I checked it the other day and I'm it's like 76% of people who use this watch walk more than you,

you lazy fuck. I'm like, God, yeah, wow. Wow. And I like to walk, but you know, I don't go anywhere, right? So I'm just in the house, the whole fucking time. And then, and then I said, Oh, but look, you can do it to your age. I'll adjust it to my agent, get all those goddamn 20 year olds and 30 year olds out of there. And so I adjust it to my agent. It's like, yeah, 84% of the people you're are right. The old people that were helping you out, man, it was the old folks that were helping you there. So, so I've started walking a lot more. That's good. Hey, get that fucking hike it, get yourself back and hiking before you're out in Colorado. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. All right. Sorry, Morgan. I know that was all very important to you, but what do you want to talk about Morgan?

Yeah, I don't worry about it. I'm going to cut all of this out. It's not that funny. I just picture Jesus. I'm a little sick shooter. You know, I'm absolutely cancer Jesus. And I'll fuck up his whole day. I'm sorry, Mary.

I am not in this right now. There's this guy earlier. He was trying to do the Lombata. It was really, I sent him to hell, but I feel like he won. I have this crazy, he won. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018. All rights reserved. This was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2018. All rights reserved.