God Awful Movies - 137: God's Not Dead: A Light in the Darkness

Episode Date: April 3, 2018

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of God's Not Dead 3; the story of a Christian movie coming disturbingly close to realizing that the religious people are the bad guys. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

I think David A.R. White might be having a nervous breakdown. There's a thing. David A.R. White's been making movies since 1990, right? Christian movies, but he's always been sort of like, David R. White making movies in a wacky background. But now the wacky background is the president. And I feel like he's spent two years watching his people run the country and not care when the president fucks a porn star behind his mistress's back and he's just like

I want to swing. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be and sitting in my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know who's a good actor? I don't. I'm really asking. How is he in a good movie? How is Hugh Laurie? He's two years. I'd love to see a good movie once. You know what's weird is that you're actually sitting to my left this time up until now I've

always lied. You usually sit right across from me but you're actually to my left. That's so fucking weird. And I still says sitting 81 miles. Damn it. I didn't change it and sitting to my immediate right? Yeah. It's my bad friend, Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am conflicted. Yeah, right. Also by missing house, but yeah. All right. So before we get any further tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched God's Not Dead, a life in the dark day. That's part three. And it's the story of a movie losing an argument to itself during its own movie.

Might as well be called God's Not Dead. Yes he is. Fuck you. Wait. And he lied. Fuck you. Right. How bad was this movie? Well, if you've been making Christian movie since 1990, you just had the terrifying realization that you were the bad guy in all of the world. You will love this movie. Yes, this movie could not be more metatragic.

If David A. Erwite turned to the camera at some point and mentioned us by name. Yeah, right. You guys didn't have to be so mean about my appearance. But honestly, with what I was pushing, I don't blame you. It's better. It's better. You know, you're watching a joke. You're watching a joke.

Now, we would love to watch you, John. You could watch it all day. Murphy's. So, now we should mention that we watched this movie in Oklahoma City. We got to the American Atheist Convention. Went out first a night. We saw it on opening night and it's Oklahoma City. So of course, there's half a dozen eight or ten Christians there, but there were also

a couple of other atheists from the convention going to watch it ironically like we were. And for whatever reason, all the Christians sat on the left side of the theater and all the atheists sat on the right side of the theater. So like every time something ridiculously melodramatic would happen, half the theater would crack the fuck up. And the other half would go like, I don't get it. Is there because of the his his black friend dad, why are they laughing? I don't get it. So how he died. Yeah.

How funny. Trust us. It is. We're gonna tell y'all that. All right. So before we do, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Uh, yeah. A couple of things actually. Um, first of all, best worst extras. Oh, we're gonna talk about how we will talk about stay puffed those literal words are in my notes Every extra in this movie looks at the camera the way the parents looked at Larry Nasser Sorry, every extra is just human

And they're I don't know why but enormous Oh, yes. Okay, another one with overweight people, I'm an overweight person, but like these were just silly. Like there was no reason for it. And several times they had to just traverse the frame. Yes. And, you know, best pick for traversing the frame, not in the largest possible wheezing,

bowling ball. It was crazy. Every single time job of the Hutton Cargo cargo pants is trying to get across the frame. Every single extra certainly just had their rascal revolt, right? Everyone in this movie looks like God is making fun of fat people. He's like, oh, you want to get fat? All right, look at this. This is Dave.

He has arms the size of a guy. He has a second rascal to carry the fat. Yeah, right. He's got one for his. We can do this. Eat the whole race. Eat the whole pack. All right.

So you said you had a couple of best words. I do. Also, best worst. This is my favorite thing ever. Best worst. David A.R. White doing physical activities. Now we've seen him in a bunch of movies doing physical activity, but this one is just delicious. At all moment, like I'm quite certain he injured

himself a dozen times. And they had to cut it and they were like, okay, stunt guy to throw one dart. It's the best. Oh my god. When he starts throwing those darts, like one of those is going to hit yourself in the balls, dude. Oh, that one, 100% happened. All right, so I was going to go with best worst cause of death. All right, so I already spoiled that there's black front dies in this movie, but the way he dies, basically, you normally you would have to do a truffle shuffle to set off a series of events like this, but it's fucking really we'll get to it, but it's fucking ridiculous. It was

one of the most amazing moments in all of Christian film. I don't want to spoil my best words. I'm just going to plant the seed now. Best worst, this is a candlelight vigil now. I don't spoil it, but just stay tuned. Yeah, yeah, listen all the way through and you'll get that one. All right, well, we've obviously been waiting years for this shit. So I'm not going to make us wait much longer. We're going to think a quick break to pay the bills. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the accidental admissions of defeat that are

God's not dead. A light in the darkness. Are you a Christian movie writer? in the darkness. Are you a Christian movie writer? And then it turns out that he was, he was, he was alive the whole time, right? Is sleeping on the job kind of the whole point? So she's like, boy, do I love Jesus? And then we do the white words. You mean

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you might as well answer Casper. Are they? Are they not? You're... You're... Tsk. Tsk. Reverend Dave, Reverend Dave, how do you define truth?

Well, to me, truth is a person. No, no, that's wrong. Is it? Is it not? Yeah, truth is a pretty vague concept, but it's definitely not a person. Do you want to try again? Yes, please do it. Do I just go? Yeah, you go. It's great. Truth is three hats. Nope. Yeah, so you made that work. Okay, sorry, let me try again. Little a little frustrated. Okay, let me start. Don't question. Here we go. I'd like to take this opportunity to declare a race war. What? Dude, dude, wait. I'm off my game. Just a regular war. Don't declare war. No, no I race we're okay we're gonna bulldoze your church that's probably yes yep

and we're back for the break down now if you'll recall when we last left David A.R. White in part two he was being arrested for refusing to turn over his sermons to the evil atheist government. Spoiler, that will not be the plot of this movie. That won't even relate to the plot of this movie, but that's where we're going to start because that's where we have to start. What conversations took place in between the last movie and this one where they were like, literally no one buys it. Twelve test screening. One person brought a dog and the dog pushed the nut. They knew that wasn't a thing. I want to point this out right away because it's

going to be a continuing theme in this movie. This movie is so lazily written that almost every scene will be followed by a newscaster explaining how that last scene advanced the plot. Yeah, including this one, right? It starts with, hi, I'm a news reporter. Here in the news, the plot of God's not dead. He's free speech. Still a thing we'll find out. Yeah. So ridiculous. Like in the year 2016, the atheist Jew lawyers created a law called felony bounds overstepping. And this is marking. No, we need to just do a new move. And all of this is shot over like scenes of him getting out of jail like Morgan Freeman, like he's going to car.

Dave was here into the pillar in his halfway house. He was thrown in Gitmo for the overstepping. Yeah. He was getting out of jail. I wanted him to be getting blown when they're just like went up to his house. Yeah, it was thrown in Gitmo for the overstepping. Yeah, it was getting out of jail. I wanted him to be getting blown when they just like went up to his. All right, you're done. I want to blow on somebody, but you're like 10 minutes. Been here for days, days. Yeah, right. Been here for two days. Yeah. And they make it like he got trapped in stone by a wizard for a thousand

years. So stupid. He's got a long beard, white hair. Yeah, crazy. He pulls them off. Yeah, it was cost to lose. Yeah, no, yeah. Happy Halloween. I mean, the news is just like, yeah, but the government changed their minds between parts two and three.

So another good amount. We will never hear from that plot again. Nope. But of course, now we do, Jude, that's the today is a good day guy. We meet him right away. He's there to pick Davey up from the big house. Right. And for those of you not familiar with the first two movies, what have you been knowing

with your life? But secondly, this African American character is a racist prop for David A.R. White to use, usually a disposable one. And don't worry. Yeah. In this movie, they dispose of him. Honestly, David or I are white 10 minutes into this movie might as well just crumple, jute up and throw him away.

Well, yeah, but he needs him around now so that they can go have a traditional African, American breakfast. Like the guys like, are we going for chickens and waffles and collar greens and watermelon? God damn it, dude. They just eat regular food too. Jesus. And then of course, this is where we get, obviously our favorite line from the preview. The reporters are like talking to them as they're letting them out of prison and they go,

they go, what is truth to you? Which, first of all, what a stupid fucking question. Really, how was the correct answer to that? But like anyway, but of course he goes, well, to me, truth is a person, a person, a person. And then he tries to explain, he's like, Jesus Christ is the person. I'm telling you, I don't know why I got all riddally

about it. Christ, Jesus, but technically, like, he's the way and I mean it metaphor. Oh, that's true technically like he's the way in the law. I mean it metaphor. Truth is a second take highway. I want to all know this battle field. I don't. Yeah. And also, by the way, so we go straight from this to more news

pundits explaining the plan and they just can't believe the Reverend would have the audacity to say that he defines truth in Jesus. Anyway, so and then the news says, and this is a great question that will never really be answered in the film. They say, well, Reverend Dave, his church is on a state campus. What is a church doing on a state-funded campus? And I'm like, yes, what is a you're doing on a state funded campus?

My note here is colleges seem scary writing this movie. Yeah. I don't know. They seemed always be like, right. There you go. You got your movie right? You did it. Literally this montage ends with a reporter turning to camera and going, this is what our

country has come to. Yes, universities. Our country has come to. Yes, universities. Our country has come to you. Am I as well cut to a quad full of those blue lights made of burning Christian lights, safety light for the secular university. An art professor shoveling Christian kids into a kiln to fire some demon pottery. So, yeah, so we get the title shot. Cos not dead a light in the darkness. And then we get Davie and Jude and they're driving to a homeless shelter to drop off supplies

and meet the love interest. And hey, if you think that Jude is a one dimensional character, just wait till you meet the woman. Oh my God. I have one quest and that is to fuck David. And I'm like, let's face it, that's what Jude's quest is too, but yeah, they're a little more explicit on this one. It literally, her whole journey is just like, will you sleep with me now? Yeah.

How about now? No, it's like watching a woman try to pick up Heath. So they get to the homeless shelter and she gives him, she's like, here, I gave you some food this time and it's got a little will you go with me check this box note in it? It's crazy. It's because he was just in jail. It's got a note that says I like bad boys and he's just like using it to wipe his mouth. He's like, I don't know man.

He's already like sprinting in circles with scissors. Like, no, yeah, no, that's, I expect him to just like stab somebody on the way out I don't think she's gonna be. He's already sprinting in circles with scissors. Like, yeah. Yeah, no, I expected him to just stab somebody on the way out or something. Also, just real quick, she's giving him leftovers from a soup kit. Yes.

Do the homeless people not like day old leftovers? All right, well, these poor chops aren't gonna stay that long. Can you give these to David A.R. White? That bad boy right there. Yeah. We're talking about the fact this character's name is Meg and Meg has a good woman, handkerchief on her head or wrist. Oh, she can do it.

Yeah, these are the other. Yeah, no, she's always riveting when she's off screen. So, so then Davey goes back to church and damn, if there aren't a bunch of protesters, they're hating Jesus. And the protesters. Okay, Christian movies, listen, it's been a while, 136 episodes. I know it's been a lot. You need to learn to teach your protestor something because they're just, yes. But something.

Hell no. Who got a rhyme for no? Who has a rhyme for no? So we'll say hack. We'll say hack for. That is on me. So, and I love it. Okay, so the, apparently the reason the protests are, protesters are there is because

they don't want to church on this state-funded campus. Make sense to me. I think I'd show up to that protest. But then after that, we've got them like walking around the church that night and David or AR weights going like, oh man, what kind of world do we live in? Now a day's churches need armed security. And I'm like only in your silly bullshit movie, though. It's insane. They're great. They they the church hired like black order to forget the liberal terrorists at the university. They're gonna just like Benghazi, no? No? Not like that at all. This is the whitest white person problem ever created.

Right. And I get that it's a movie so it takes place in the universe of that movie and shit, but it's trying to make a point about the real world. Like if the Avengers was trying to convince us that we should actually protect the Infinity Stones, it'd be a dumb fucking movie. Also, this is the first of the extra appearances that made me and he left out. It was really because the mall cop, yeah, they rented, could not look more serious. You remember the scene in the, in black Hawk Down? See, watch that movie 50 times to get ready for David A. R. White and Jude to walk by him for a half a second. He is constantly talking about risk control. He's just hanging around the ground.

Tell him people ought to kill someone with a coin. Yeah. Yeah. Drive the nose up into the brain. And then again, this is, now we're going to get to the fact that this movie turns on itself in a pretty terrible way. But this is the first time we had of it because Jude turns to him and he's like, yeah, now it seems sad to have college students outside. You remember that I'm from Africa and saw a child soldier's mother and day and airwights just like, my guy.

Nobody likes a story, topper, Jude. And I also love, so here we've got a cut to like David A.R. White giving a sermon, but they only give us like 10 seconds of his sermon because as easy as giving a sermon is, I don't think something David A.R. White can really pull off. Right. So we get like the 10 seconds of anyway. I think he got winded because like several, several other things he tries to do. He can't do for more than 10

seconds in this movie. There's a lot harder than sermon. So yeah. So and but he's, but the point of his sermon is they're not going anywhere. He's like, we'll leave over my dead body. Sorry. Actually, Jude's dead body. He starts to stand up and wave. Yes, my dead body today is a good. I actually had a good. That's fun. I have a catch phrase. You know, he does have a guy. That's not it. But yeah. So, yeah, but picketers are no fuck the constitution. Also, he wants to let everybody know that Jude is going to be his new co-paster, right? Very important moment for Jude. So afterwards, they're leaving the church and they're, they hear a breaking sound.

Now, of course, Davey has to run after the purvey has to be bad ass. I'm expecting a little parkour, but no. Fuck. But he starts chasing somebody has thrown something through one of their windows. So he goes to chase that guy down. Jude goes inside to check out the damage. It's like, all right, I'm going to go call the police. I couldn't catch him.

Why don't you go down and check the basement full of explosive gas tanks that we have. What? And this is the whoop goldberg bullshit, right? The church blows the fuck up. Right? So for clarity, someone throws a brick through the window, which knocks the top off of a pro-paint case. Why is something like a bomb they were planting. Yeah.

There's like a big target on it that says Achilles, great here with brick. And then Jude comes down and turns on the light and you know how lights are made of fire. That sets off the gas, which blows up the church. And then okay, so then Davey runs inside, right? He's on the phone with the cops and I think he's explosion. He runs into save his buddy. So he goes down to the basement, Jews, there's heads bleed and he's still alive, but just barely.

So David goes to like pull him out, but he drags him like a sack of fucking potatoes. Right. He's just dragging him up the stairs, hitting his head on each step on the way up. Oh, just having so much trouble. It was like me trying to do cardio with Eli the other day at the gym. Like someone from the Midwest who promised he's going to carry his bride over the correct. Oh, well,

fun. Um, geez. Okay. Well curves for women. We're going to last scene of, of the man with two brains. Yeah. So also real quick, can we talk about the actual explosion itself? Oh, please so at some point they were like, okay, how do we want the explosion guys? What are we doing CGI team? All right, well,

we were thinking like half back draft, half vultures of horror. Have you seen both those? Can you get both of those together? Okay, but do you want the explosion going in all directions? No, no, directly at the black guy. It's a one way explosion. And let's have it turn the corner and come out for him when he's running. The propane to be directional. And then he comes out of it.

So yeah, so so Davey's dragging him out of here like a caveman with his bride and a cartoon. And then he stops at one point on the stairs. Yeah, yeah, no, he gets winded. And then he prays to God. He prays to God. He's like, God, I can really use a mountain. And guys like, no, no, don't worry. I got the sprinklers. That's right. He's just God, please help. And the sprinklers got in. I'm like, wow, God, you know, you can do so much more than that. And the average guy's like, hey, man, not the time.

Maybe just save me from this inferno that we're in. That'd be great. It's the stairs into a ramp. There you go, David. No, I'm really looking for a much bigger. Could you put his skull back? Possibly. Yeah, but so he drags him out and then you fucking dies.

But before he de-first, yeah, he's got to have his little Swahili Rose Bud moment. He's the Asidega evil way. And what's amazing is David A.R. White cannot help himself. He's like, I don't speak that language. I don't wait. What? American English starts to Google translate on his phone. It's all size slower.

I want it. Oh, it's so bad for Jude to be like, okay, well, that was obviously a little action. We need to slow it down a little bit. Yeah, if you were worried that this movie made too much sense, they're going to do one of those famous reverse time cuts that doesn't matter because you could just tell this story in a linear. Yeah, right. Jesus. I want to be like one of them fancy little go back in time. Well, suddenly they're in the diner from Pulp Fixing. Yeah, one reason. Okay, just do the movie. Assholes. All right, so yeah, now we cut diner from Pulp Fixed, yeah, I'm just okay. Just the pool of assholes. All right.

So yeah, now we cut to 12 hours earlier. We meet. I've got her down to the first half of my notes. It's just girl. It's not that I don't know her name. It's that the name is fucking Keaton. That's not a human's name. That's not a fucking first name.

Oh, Phoebe Kates. Okay. Getting out of the water and fast times the Ridgeman high is what's happening right now. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly right yeah exactly exactly They're getting as close as they can as a spank scene and a fucking Christian movie here and Sure over and her narration is for this scene is basically

God sometimes when I talk to you you don't talk back Which is exactly the same as me talking to myself. Oh, I'm so close It's exactly the same as me talking to myself. Oh, I'm so close. Oh, I'm real close to goodness. Feeling like I'm crazy. Maybe just say one thing back. Did you? What?

Did you say that was not you mumbling? I just mumbled to myself. You go. You say such a sad glimpse into like every moment of believing in God. I must be. Yeah. That's terrifying. Yeah. And by the way, this is not like an internal narration. We think it's an internal narration

because she's swimming while it's when it starts. But then we cut to her in a library, looking at her little, she's got a little, a bracelet with a cross on it. And she's saying all of this narration out loud while sitting alone in a library fucking what i wanted the librarian to come over and just like shhh talk to god in your head i wanted the librarian to do that so many god damn times for whatever reason in this movie every time two people have to have a conversation they go to the fucking library um okay and then boy shows up what was he did anybody adam adam shows up

adam so and then that's their that's her boyfriend. They flirt for a little bit and then she has to leave for church. Her like, I've got to go to church alarm on her phone goes off. And I'd love to be able to tell you what happens in this conversation. But I was too busy looking at his perfectly paintbrush shaped eyebrows. The single most distracting thing that's happened, including 9-11. Oh, he was on fleek. Yeah, absolutely.

He apparently just came from his job as a Latino prostitute straight to this library. Yeah. Yeah. And of course, he says, I've got to go to church and he's like, Oh, me and churches for Namos. I'm the atheist character for now. Jesus. All right. So now we get one of the strangest moments of my life. This was so goddamn weird. All right. Or was it?

Or was it? No. Yeah, it was. So we're in a dorm room now. So we're in a dorm room now. Or are we? Yes, we are. And Keaton and Adam are there along with minority best friend and minority best friends, girlfriend. Mixed race couple by the way. Progressive. Always great. This movie is super progressive is exactly the term I was going to use.

I feel like David or white pointed that out so many times that the actor took him aside and was like, Hey, man, I need you to stop. And you're dating a white girl. A white girl and everyone in the movie is fine with it, especially my character. I shot a bunch of scenes where I just look at you guys and you're like, thumbs up. I'm now the word loving it, you guys.

It's pretty great. Okay, miscedulated scene take five. Just don't call it that. You can just say our scene, whatever number. I don't know why it's always our scene. You keep saying that. It's weird, you're making it. So, and it turned out these people

are sitting around talking about the Mandela effect or not really, no, but they're using those words. So here's how they apparently understand the Mandela effect. Now in case you don't know, the Mandela effect is like where like a culture all seems to have a false memory or a significant portion of a culture as a false memory, named after the fact that everybody thought Mandela Nelson Mandela had died when he hadn't. So it's things like, you know, the fact that Jude never says today is a good day or the fact that, you know, Darth Vader never says Luke, I am your father. The fact that curious George doesn't have a tail exactly

now. But the way they explain the way that science explains this is, you know, people's memories are shit. But the way they explain it in this movie is with Occam's Ruben Goldberg. Yes. It's like what happened is two dimensions smashed into each other. And we wound up in a dimension where a curious George doesn't have a tail, which is why we always remember him having a tail. This is the movie version of having that conversation with someone you don't know is crazy yet. They're just like, the weather, right? And you're like, oh, yeah, absolutely. They're like the government controls. No, thank you. I've had some of those conversations outside this hotel today.

Right. But they, so they decide that this means the Mandela effect means exact words are reality collided with a parallel reality. Yeah, collided First of all parallel reality More importantly though, why was God trying to kill Nelson Mandela Dick move racist God also at the end of this when they say it they go I mean it's quantum physics Nelson Mandela. Err, that's what I wanted. It's right. It's a dick move. Racist God. Also, at the end of this, when they say it, they go, I mean, it's quantum physics. They do. Nope.

Nope. Not even it's. It's his wrong. Yeah. And, but see, but this is what they've got to do to make their things sound less ridiculous than science. Well, yeah, and the reason that they've been talking about this is because she's going to go, I don't know guys, is quantum physics parallel things intersecting and he goes, well, is it any crazier that God came to earth as a man and then sacrificed

himself to himself to please himself about a lady eating an apple that he could have stopped? And she's like, no. But then and then Adam, her boyfriend is like, yeah, you got to watch out for Keaton. She's struggling with her face or something like that. And she's like, I can't believe you would tell him my sugar and storms off. I thought she was going to go write a good Christian song or something, but no. She's not literally his quotas. She's not one of them anymore. Yeah. Like, you get down to the roof. She's not literally his quotas. She's not one of them anymore. Yeah, that's not to the root she's into butt stuff.

She's just like seriously, okay, well, you know what, that's over, huh? I don't care when it's your birthday. So she storms off and Adam, you know, catches like chases after and she says, like, quit picking on my Jesus and he's like, I'm gonna pick on your Jesus because it's stupid. She's like, okay, when we're breaking up,

that's an important point of the film. They break up because of Jesus. Just a little note here, the guy next to us in the theater, so we were the dividing line of the theater. The guy next to us at one point while they're having this very intense scene just goes, breaking up. Right.

I guess. Like it was his job to do this. Like he was like, just gonna, like I thought the next thing was gonna be like establishing shot. Like, you're talking about your boss. I'm not. You're not looking at the panic tension here boss. I think, I think honestly, we're gonna, we're gonna come back to that guy at some point

in the movie here So okay now it's time for us to head to one of those awesome college church services You know the ones that are for kids Yeah, where they sing and they have cool head It isn't poisoned most of the time and This is also where we run into Josh from the first movie Josh Wheaton And this is also where we run into Josh from the first movie. Josh Wheaton, not Josh. And you know what, I didn't realize that's who he was

until the very end of the fucking movie where they actually say his last name. I'm like, oh, right from the first movie. Yeah. And that's problematic because this actor looks exactly like the guy who plays out of him, except for the eyebrows. Yeah.

Right? I think it was the same actor. They just changed the eyebrows like Clark Kent or whatever thing. Now he's not Superman anymore. He's Clark Kent. He's got glasses. But Josh is so key and comes in just as they're finishing up the song. And the song ends so abruptly. It's so weird. It's like, we love God. And great work today. We are broken. So grab a pamphlet. It's as though she walked into an old time, he saloon is how they end this. Yeah. And Lord, you're rich. So Josh comes up to where he's like, well, Keaton, it's good to see here. I haven't seen you very

much. And she's like, yeah, sorry. I don't believe in God anymore. Yeah, yeah, right, right. But she's super sorry for not worshiping Jesus hard enough. And again, I didn't realize that this was the character from the first movie. So I was just like, okay, so this is another guy that wants to fuck her. That looks exactly the same. She's got a type. She has a type apparently. And this scene is supposed to be her like struggling with her face. So she does this like stumbling like, I don't know because they can't have this character voice any real problems with faith, right? She can't be like, so about problem with evil. He'll be like, no, no. So instead she goes, you know, there's no hyphen in Kit Kat. And he's like, what? And she's like race

war. Sorry. Am I Muslim now? What is the hyphen? Okay. And the Mandela thing we get it, you have black friends. Stop showing off. You're still Christian. Hyphen doesn't matter. Sedginated scene. Take two. And I love the contrast we call her too, right? So we go from her singing songs at the Christian thing to her boyfriend, who is at one of those

awesome sin parties. And again, I don't know why Christians always do this. If they show a bad party, they have to get two girls standing alone. Just dancing. Yeah. I think they do. Just like that. And he's just doing the electric slide to a slow song. No matter what. I'm doing it. I'm taking know that there's that alcohol there because.

Also, good clue is the four red spotlights on everything that happens at atheist air. Like I wanted them to zoom out and just be like, yep, there's four red spotlights on every atheist character. Ever. Yeah, right. So Adam's hanging out with black friend and black friend's girlfriend

and he's so pissed at Jesus that he might just blow up a church with a prick, guys. And this was a weird transition of moment because they're wandering home, past the church and the friends, he's like trying to fight a sign on the ground and they're like, yeah, you're pretty obviously violent right now.

Okay, bye. Yeah, right. What better thing to do with your drunken body than just leave him there? We're this way. Why don't you go over by that like spray paint and a brick with the glow of the video game arrow over them? Right right here on the floor. Literally we have to talk about how obvious all these drops are. They were just sitting there, right? Like a trail of skittles is like, oh, hey spray paint

a stencil, a murder weapon, a key weapon. Yeah. An ostensile. Right. So we spray paints because the church has a sign that says everyone welcome here. So he finds a, you know, you know how they there'll be cans of spray paints sitting on the ground sometimes when you're when you're walking by. So he goes by and he spray paints a big ax on it. But that's not quite enough. His rage is, it fully, uh, isn't fully executed here. So he

looks around and he sees this brick again. Like you said, with a glowing video game arrow over it. And it's just like this one brick. I mean, it's you can have like, it could have been a wall with a loose brick. But it's just one brick sitting all by itself saying, you know, whatever caution exploding brick, take a brick, leave a brick jar. It's balanced on top of like a wily coyote blue brick of the church with like heavy explosives marked in red here. Yeah. So he throws the brick through the window, which isn't much bigger than a womp right if you think about it.

And it, because he clearly found the death star weakness in this fucking church. Right? He throws this brick and then it explodes like this was fuckingly bought it from Acme. One might wonder why God provided the spray paint and perfectly positioned the Jews. I don't wonder. Jude was, you know, we were done with acting like Mandela. He was like, All right.

And now it's time for a news report to come up and catch us up with a plot. Right. And this is supposed to be a panel show. And one of the guys on the panel is like, I blame the church for them getting murdered. Hey, what? You're not standing there. You don't get stabbed. That's all I say. And we learned here from the news report that they haven't found who did it yet.

This of course, we're cutting back to after the church blew up and after Jude died, but they're treating it as a hate crime homicide, which seems a little weird. Because it is a right. So now we head over to the college board and we gotta meet the godless heathens and I gotta say these characters are so goddamn cliche. I was surprised they weren't meeting in an actual ivory tower.

Oh, it's the best. They're just like swirling sniffters like nine in the morning, like orange juice. I was gonna pray on top of his parade. They're licking my agony. So this is the college where the church is located and they're like, well, the evil secular lady, she's like, this church is brought nothing but controversy. And then Jefferson Darcy shows up who also works for the church board. And he's like, but the church is historic. And I'm like, that's so our concentration camps.

Everything that existed before right now is historic. The fuck, he was that matter. But they want the church moved off campus. And I'm like, sorry, burn the fuck down. You just have to wait for the windable hard hard guys. But, uh, but Jefferson Darcy, he's friends with, with pastor Dave. So he doesn't want them, you know, he tries to fight to keep the church there. And once he loses the argument, they're like, but you have to tell him those since you guys are friends, that's a dick move. A little bit of a dick move. Tell your friend that he can't have his church anymore. Yeah, that's it. And then of course, we've got to have some like,

we got to go to Jude's funeral. And man, is this African funeral TM? It's just like everyone's dressed in like bright, flowing colors. Someone's got a jembe for no means. So, you know, we're very uncomfortable. We're putting chicken walking around in the background. Yeah.

We put bones through everybody's nose. I was like, we're going too far. What do African people look like? Chiquita banana lady. No. No. No. No, that's going to be, that is going to be, I love during the funeral, we keep seeing like

slow motions, sad Davey. That was great. And so, but Jefferson Darcy shows up at the funeral. And I so expected him to just be like, Hey, Davie, no more church for you. Sorry for your loss. This is your, um, expulsion notice. Let me know how that goes. But no, no, he's just there to say, Hey, come talk to me later when you're not, you know, morning, you're dead friend. You might as well open his phone to a, we need to talk and snap Chad from him. Yes. Oh, man.

He's bad now. So then we get, Davey talking to the parents, right? To the Jude's parents. And the mom tells him like, no, no, you're good. It's all right that you got my son blowed up. And then the dad says something in Swahili, right? And I guess it's the same thing that Jude said right before he died, which, you know, David Erowais, like, wait, what did he just say? I think that's the same thing. Jude said before

he died. I'm like, how the fuck would you know? Like, honestly, like, you're going to be able to distinguish two Swahili sentences when separated by three days. I want it to be like, actually, I just said to my wife and Swahili, we should wrap this up. I'm hungry. Yeah, I mean, what he said. I guess what he said. But it turns out that his dying words were just his catchphrase.

Yes. The thing that he has said since movie one, God is good all the time, all the time. God is good. And I want to point out about that God damn catchphrase. Like, that's not clever. It's like sometimes if you switch the clauses, it means a different thing. This is not one of those instances. If you just said all the time, God is good, all the time, God is good. You'd be saying the exact same fucking thing. Also, he says, what does that mean?

And the African dad's like, well, it's hard to translate. It means God is good. Does that make any sense? Do you understand why I just said? How was that? We have all those words. What do you have? I would have to be hard to translate. You have the word good in your life.

Good house. It's, it's, it's, is, do you have the verb be? But to be clear, his rosebud was just swahily for his catchphrase. Like they set it up like that's gonna matter. But then they just knock it down. It's the incidentally 20 seconds later. I feel like David A. R. White cornered that actor at some point and was like, and then you just say some super wise African stuff.

And he's like, oh, did you not? Yeah, you know, just like one of those great phases about earth and a spider. Oh, race. No. just like one of those great phases about earth and a spider. Race. No, you do not say race war, dude. And then he brings, okay, so we get done with the, well, we have to have him jogging some. Oh my God. The job. This is this is just one of the jobs. Those are the first of several amazing

jogs, quote unquote jogging bridge. But David A.R. White, who obviously doesn't jog is choosing as an acting choice, I assume, to sprint across this bridge. I would love to be there the day the A.D. was like, Hey, man, like, no, you just jogs. So, you know, just hit this, like this, know, do I scream the whole day? You know, the words in Swahili for job. So they show them doing this crazy not jog run. And then after like three seconds, they have to zoom. This is him like 10 miles back and switch to a stunt guy to do the rest of the 20 feet of running that they're going to need for the shot that he couldn't finish.

So good. Yeah. And then of course he gets done jogging and he has to cry first buddy. And then he brings more food to love interest check. You know, said the home, a megh, the woman who works at the homeless shelter and she's like, you know, oh, your buddy died. That's a bummer You know you give me food all the time. Maybe I could feed you some

Weird she goes, you know, I could feed you we could pretend your homeless What if we like hunt a homeless guy together? Fuck soup hunt a homeless guy together and then fuck soup. Did you ever get into soup stuff? Old pork chop. So you ever fuck the none of a pork chop? Slimey after. He says, she's like, I want to give you some food. And he's like, can I take a rain check?

Can we maybe do this when I'm at my lowest point later in the film. Just after the third act. Yeah, I'll see you at the play. All right. Yeah. Crumpels are up. Throws are next to Jews. I use that one again later. So, so then, okay, now he's got to go see Jefferson Darcy.

What's Jefferson's character's name in this? Dean. Tom. Yeah. Okay. So he goes to see Tom. Tom has to tell him that his church has got to go. Right. And there's this really sad moment where he's like, this is my father's church. And he's just like, yeah, that doesn't. It's not an elephant.

Do you think we don't take things that people's parents? Everything's owned by a somebody. Okay. I wish owned by someone before that general. We only take property from orphans here. It's a college incorporated. So this is a great moment. He goes, I love it. I've been there my whole childhood. I spent my whole life there.

I want to be like, I live there. No, you're not supposed to. Yeah, no. Yep. Right under the floor, but it's old. Yeah, but they're like, yep. So Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. All right, so then we have to have this like nine second scene with the church board, right? The church board's complaining about imminent domains. I'm like, yeah, I'm in a domain argument. That makes great cinema. Also, it just, it versus so slightly smacks of the crazy government's coming from this property, because one of them's just like, yeah, the government comes and takes private property all the time. It's a good thing we were armed and ready for the coming. Yes, what? Dave just picks up an AR 15, gives it a gentle kiss. Just.

And we get the most amazing string of like just incorrectness words, the legal nonsense. It's just like, yeah, imminent you mean imminent imminent domain Statue of limitations Presidents no president's president's presence not even close and that's like the best legal talk they get to I just want to like the Dakota access pipeline to blast through the wall church Like Richard Dawkins riding it like slim pickings Richard Dawkins riding it like slay pickings. So stupid. That was Yahoo and that was yeehaw, but it was a phasion.

So okay, so later that night. I'm glad we went back for it. You're a firmer. It's nerve home. So okay, one of these days we're going to have a stroke. One of us is going to have a stroke in this show. It's going to be hilarious. Yeah. I know who it's going to be. You're going to be doing cardio with them at the time. So later that night after the board meeting, Davey, uh, Davey sit there filling, sorry, for himself. So he gets a pep talk from Josh, uh, the youth pastor from the first movie.

And he's doing this weird thing where he's trying to weave in the clique, Keaton plot during the pep talk. He's like, Hey, uh, Keaton, she's in the movie also Luke 1248. Huh? You fight for her and for you. Are there any other characters? Meg? Is that okay? Fight for him. Is Adam and are Adam and me different people? Because so than us too. Also, by the way, this is where we learn it again. I guess if you're paying attention to the whole trilogy, maybe you already realized this, that Josh,

this character left law school to become a pastor, you know, after he beat Kevin Sorbo in that great debate. Jesus, great, that's a stupid. I mean, you know, look, I mean, honestly, the world's got too many fucking lawyers. If you're going to law school, whoops, cause you're probably not going to be able to get a job in front of me too many.

But yeah, exactly, exactly One pastors is too many so yeah, um, and then but of course the point of his pep talk is basically like so Davy Maybe you're the main character in this when you ever think of that Thank you are I was in the first one I'm soon then okay, so now, I guess Dave is gonna fight back. So he drives to Chicago, where his atheist lawyer, brother Pierce lives. Yeah, he's not just a lawyer.

No, he's a social justice attorney. Yes, that's pretty sure that's not a thing. We made him, there are characters talking to him. They're like, thank you so much.'s not a thing. We made him their characters talking to him. They're like, thank you so much. You're a very good lawyer. And he turns and sees David our white and he's like, Hey, fuck you. Okay. Anyways, thanks for the rent. Yeah. Be like, we were talking. He's like, fuck you. I'm doing a brother thing. Fuck this guy. No games. Spits, no smell. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. And by the way, peers will be not only the best character in this movie, but the most likable character in the history of Christian cinema. Right. He's the best. Yeah, he's fucking awesome. He's the easiest and he never converts to Christian.

And he, in any other God's not dead movie, he would end up like turning out to be a secret murderer and then convert to Christian. Yeah. In any other God's not dead movie, he would end up like turning out to be a secret murderer and then convert to Christian. Yeah. Right. But David R. White had a nervous breakdown this year. He's going to be an example of secular morality, which haunts this movie like the ghost of Victorian mansion. Oh. So, okay. So he goes, he goes, hey bro, you're a lawyer, you're a social justice attorney. So maybe you can help me with this church problem I've got to which his brother goes, I don't know, little bro, eminent domain, church cases are always messy. Are they? Was that like, did that happen so often that that's like a field of law? I let me go. But legally, I'm advising you not to do just take the biot and move your church and he's like, yeah, law. I let me go. But legally, I'm advising you not to do just take the biot

and move your church and he's like, yeah, okay. But what if we did a movie though? And he's like, oh, no, no, then I have to fight this up, wrap it up in say 40 minutes. Yeah. There you go. All right. So now we got to cut back to all the college buddies

are hanging out watching some sporting event, like college students do. And Adam shows up. He needs to talk to Keaton and confess his accidental homicide to her. A little note on our theater experience here. Some of the, one of the characters goes, hey, Adam, where you been? And the gentleman next to us who is announcing the movie goes, harden.

Harden here, boss. So much. I want that guy in every movie. Yeah, we could hire the shit out of that guy. Right. And just have him in the background while we do the record while he's doing just watching remains of the day. Can't express his love to you. He farted.

He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. He farted. I'm not a part of a bank of corn. Yes, Adam walks in and he's like, okay, so I murdered a pastor by blowing up a church. Uh, any idea is no wrong answer. She's like, well, it's just me here.

So it's weird how you said that. Uh, jail. Yeah, right. You go to jail now. Well, I love to because yeah, he's like, I don't know what to do. And her idea has nothing to do with maybe you tell him it was you. Right. So now we got to go back to Pearson.

Davey Pierce has decided to help him out. So they go back to Davey's house, which is the house they grew up in. Pierce comes in and I love this dude. I love the scaradier so much. He's like, wow. Shit hole. Shit hole. Total shit hole. He's like, you want anything to drink? He's like, do you have alcohol? Because this is a shit hole. That's a total shit hole.

He's like, you want anything to drink? He's like, do you have alcohol? Because this is a shit hole. I don't want to be in your sober. And he's like, I have juice. And he's like, what the fuck, man? Like, grow up. How old are you?

Jesus Christ, you offered me a drink. I brought you a drink. I got a bug you a bunch of twinkies and zingers. He's like, yeah, no, I'm a one. I'm an adult. I'm an adult Like to stay alive have you seen our extras they kept eating Okay, David airwights just like Open the hanger comes there. That was for me. I wasn't doing

If you have I have a sauce if you have some of my apples, I will cry. I'm sorry, but the vision of David and Aaron White do it themselves. And poke themselves in the eye. Like everything he physically ever does ends in him poking himself in the eye. I'm quite certain. Throws it like a dart.

Straight down into his balls. Yeah, right. So yeah, these characters literally just sit across the kitchen table, exposing at each other until Pierce goes so good. Exposition kind of taken care of. I'm going to back towards the end. That's like the the reason behind it all, but like we're distant, got it. Good.

Turns the camera. You got it at home. All right. That was expositioning. All right. All taken care of. So then we cut to Davey having fire nightmares. And you know, that's super important. We have to know that like he's still pretty tore up about the buddy blowing up thing. And then he wakes up and goes to breakfast with his brother. Of course, again, to prove that Pierce is the better human in this movie, he wakes up and Pierce is like, yeah, I've been up since five o'clock in the morning working on this thing. You're not

paying me for you. You want to get some breakfast? He's like, yeah, I'll just, I'll just eat. Are you paying? Doing free pro bono work for you since 5am in your fridge is applesauce and high C. That's it. How fucking old it? it god damn it did you touch my high c come here show me there's only one left god ah he's just got a Capri Sun there's a lot of them in the car and trying to stab a Capri Sun getting all over his hands and shirt okay you're drinking your arm, buddy. You're drinking your arm. It's good. In case, it's coppery. I'm not supposed to eat panties.

I'll learn that. 93 cents in. So, okay, that would explain an awful lot, actually. All right, so now, now they go to breakfast together, they talk about imminent domains some more, which means Barack Obama gets the fuck your wife. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what that means. Prima nocta version of M. Prima nocta. Thank you. Your wife is just like, yeah. Yeah, for rights. You're hoping over you. Yeah, I don't care if that's the law.

And I get, yep, yep. I mean, it's gonna fuck you while we build this road. Slowly. All right. So then they decide the Pearson, David decide they got to go tour the burned out church. I love this scene so much because they've got all the pews covered in plastic because of the fire. And then they accept one. So they sit on that one. And I wanted after this, I would have their entire backs to be covered

and so it's like nobody ever said anything about it. Troubles underneath. Oh, wow, I forgot there was a fire. So fucking place blew up, didn't it? We should probably not be walking. I mean, the explosion was in the basement. We should not walk on this floor, huh? But this is where Pierce is like, yep, I'm an alloyer for you after all. And I'm like, yeah, obviously you are. Why would you be here? Also, otherwise, it's just a little thing, but 90% of this shot is CGI slash green screen. Yeah, I wanted them to run into it as they were walking through. Fuck the backdrop.

Don't drink that. It's mind-for-lame. All right, so now we go back to the college board. They just found out he's got a lawyer and bear hissed. Right, and they're doing a Tom, you better fix this thing or else will fix you. Yes, you know what I'm not a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad get you Joe was and he's gonna give you a variable. Give you one of his the snifter. Nifter full of arrays. Nifter full of the raises the name of our fan. I know this is a lot of new view. A lot of you are new to the show, but please check us out on

Friday. YMCA we have the space for 26 minutes. Snifter full of arrays. Find us on my space. It's nothing but silence. Be ready. So yeah. So they say, you know, it's the best you'll ever get at a YMCA. So they say basically they're like, all right, Tom, either you fix it and make your friend stop soon us or you're fired. That will be your motivation through the film. Right. And he wants them to like overpay for the for the church property. And they're fired, that will be your motivation through the film. Right, and he wants them to like overpay for the, for the church property.

And they're like, no, that's stealing from kids. We're not gonna do that. Yeah. Yeah. Right, I mean, that's exactly the conversation they have. He's like, well, why don't we raise the offer? And they're like, we're already offering more than market value.

He's like, yeah, like we could spend that money teaching children things. He's like, yeah, you don't understand why this is a known up. No, I don't. No. All right. So now we maybe they'll pay taxes. No, they won't.

No. So then we cut back to Keaton and Adam. They're at the library. So of course, they're having a conversation. Right. They're having a whisper conversation. The worst place to talk about a murder is an otherwise silent building. Yeah, right. I'm telling you I didn't mean to murder him. Sorry.

Sorry. Also, you aren't using the computer you're sitting at. Well, I'm allowed to sit here. 30 minutes. So also, we have this super duper clumsy. Does God forgive everybody entering in here? Oh, God. So you really believe in that God guy, huh? And she's like, eh? And he's like, you don't think you could ever forgive someone as bad as me, do you?

And she's like, weird leading question. But yes, we actually, that's our flagship thing. Yes. A manslaughter loophole that you are going to love. In fact, it's the best. I'm so glad you asked. If you have time for a steak dinner, you have time to eat. Yeah.

And then we get this stupid fucking shoe horned and trip down memory lane scene with Pearson Davie. It's 50% attempt to appeal to nostalgia, 50% ex-position. He's just pulling out like, he's like, oh, a stretch Armstrong. He starts breaking out Furbies and beanie, baby. Well, they're older than you. But yeah, yeah, the the 80s and 70s equivalent thereof yarn and tang. Yeah, yeah, who would have stick?

and Tang. Yeah, who put a stick? So shackles for Jews. Remember? Yeah, I do. So, so okay, so but Pierce is mad at Davey because Davey prays for him and then they get a little fight about the religion. But it's like a weird brother fight. He's like, Oh, you pray for me. Huh? You pray for my dick. But you pray about my dick, don't you? No.

Get off. Don't pray about your dick. Pray on my dick. No. Get off me. Seriously, get off. Don't make me proud on your dick. I'm not touching you.

So okay, but just then, Davey gets an emergency call from Josh. It turns out that the evil college people have sent bulldozers to tear down his burned down church, which would have to be torn down no matter the fuck what, right? Like they'd be doing him a favor even if he's still on the property, but they've sent bulldozers to tear down his church and damn it, Davie and Pierce have to stop him. It's so he shows up and he's going to block this demolition team and he goes, David Aeroite goes, somebody hand me a Bible.

Like he's going to like throw down the Bible. It's going to like, magic transformer. Yeah, to turn it to the giant wall. He's like making the transformer noise. Like, to turn it to the giant wall. He's like, making the transformer noise like, okay, just give it a second. She's also, someone has a Bible for him right away. He's like, hand me a Bible. And I want the real world version of this movie where someone's just like,

oh, what? Is there a hotel around? Why would we have? Okay, hotel, I'll get one. So, technically I'm the guy who should have a Bible. There's an atheist convention going on in Oklahoma City. Everybody's just leaving the Bibles out in the hallway. How many walk down the hall and threw them in the garbage too?

Yeah. So, okay. So, they're trying to, so they're trying to smash down his church on a Sunday of all things. So, he's angry. So, somebody give me a Bible. I'm going to read it right in front of the bulldozer. And he is. This is amazing. Nobody goes, who here is read the Bible. And

like there's a couple people that raise their hands. But again, I want the real world version of this movie where it's just like, nobody. Who's read some of it? Nobody. I need a location and an occupancy. Oh, Doc, my. Look, I mean, the thing about this is he's going to stand in front of the bulldozer and he's going to read the Bible. It's just like you could just stand there. Right? This isn't the fucking Senate floor. You don't have to talk.

You could just stand in front of the bulldozer. Right. And while he's doing that, lawyer brother has to go get a local judge to sign a cease and desist order. Right. Right. And he finds her at her church magically.

I don't know how. I want her to explain how reality works. Like you can't just find, it doesn't matter that you found me. I still disagree like if I would have signed this type of thing if I wanted to sign this type of thing that you are now seeing no still not I wanted him to swap it out for the body of Christ like she goes forward and now the news is here to explain the movie to us some more yep and I love this line so much this was the first time in the movie that I just fucking lost it and every Christian in the movie to us some more. Yep. And I love this line so much.

This was the first time in the movie that I just fucking lost it and every Christian in the movie went, I don't know what he's even doing here. So the newscaster says, Pastor Dave is stopping them from bulldozing his church in what can only be described as a Senate filibuster. Unless we hired better writers that could have think of a better way to describe it. Jesus fucking Christ. But just then Pierce shows up with his lawyer pages, so everything's good. Literally, he's like, no, no, I have magic paper.

And the cop looks at me and goes, yep, paper's magic paper. Magic paper. That's it. That is true. Also, I think they forget that it makes the Bible look stupid if you read it during a filibuster. No, that's like that's like Christianity filibustering progress since one. That's the message here. But anyway, then we got to go back to David Pears fighting about Jesus some more.

Right. And this again, this movie is about to take such a weird turn because he's like, you know, you Christians love to play the victim. And he's like, yeah, we do. You're in a movie that is the third in a series of the game victims. We had to create not one, not two, three fictional universes. It's a victim man. Right. And they look at, well, of course, and I love this bit because they give peers like some pretty good atheist lines. He's like, yeah, you know, they used that religion years to rape and awful lot of children. He's like, yeah, but some people don't also. There's hundreds of not raped kids. I think they should dwell on that. Let's stack pros and cons How many religion right now pros and cons one

Super kitchen that's on my side Bring it have a soup kitchen. I'm gonna keep saying rape kids. Yeah, that's only one I'm gonna keep saying the same. I will name. I'm gonna stay with the same one Well, what if they got soup after I'm gonna put that in the middle. I love this line Two David goes he goes well look man, because his brother's going, yeah, but what about this? And he's like, oh, yeah, that's bad. He goes, look, we can debate statistics all day.

And I'm like, yeah, but only because you're gonna lie and make shit up. Like, you know, otherwise we could just go through the statistics and you go like, oh yeah, my religion's horrible. We could debate physics all day. We could have, yeah, Mr. Wheels, hamster, wheels, they have perpetual emotion, We could debate physics all day. Yes, sir wheels, hamster wheels,

they have perpetual emotion, they never stop. They think you have to. You have our eight civilization, one-hand quantum physics. Yeah, right. You've got to smash your universe into a never-touch universe. Our derivative engine line,

present normal line. So. So. All right. So now Pastor Dave, he's at his like habitat for humanity, but Christian thing or whatever. And Keaton shows up to like press him for information. So if they found my boyfriend, whoever did the thing, wow, he's this not subtle. She's just like, so how are you and do you know that it was my boyfriend? Also, like if they catch him, hypothetically, but he's amazing and eating pussy.

Something that would be extenuating circumstances. So now we cut to the, it's time for him to go on a date with love interest. He's low enough, apparently, at this point, that he can go on a date with Mag. And of course, because Mag is just a fucking come vessel in this movie, she has no thoughts of her own. It's just him talking to her about that position. Yeah, right. And what happened to you? Yeah. He's like, when I was a kid, my brother made Christianity look so cool. But then when he went to college and learned knowledge, he stopped doing that. Dude man. Um, and look, I should point out that the only consistent theme in these three movies, other than God not being dead, is that college is bad. Oh, absolutely. Uh,

and I wish I could tell you what happened in the rest of this conversation with the directors. But this is when a character who I can only describe as the stay puffed marshmallow man in a sweatshirt walked sideways across the street. I don't mean he walked from one side of the frame to the other. I mean, I'm in silence. Is that the verb though? I tumble. I would say tumble. Waddle. Waddle.

Because your legs get big enough, like, the one can't get in front of the other one. So he's just so fat that, like, his left leg is permanently in front. Making a hard eye contact with the camera. Those hands on it. It can tie your face to camera. Just...

Y'all mic in a movie? I'm in the movie. Guy next to us. That guy. That guy. That guy. That's an extra all I'm saying is because we actually talked we joke around about going in like auditioning to be extras in this movie. Oh, imagine how they would have let us write in. We could have walked in with our atheist Lanyard's on and they'd be like, yeah, no, all

we've got is the state buff march mill. I mean, I can't even walk in a straight line. Yeah, he's three handsome gents. Please join our film. Yeah, right. All right. So he's talking to the girlfriend, the soon to be girlfriend, and he starts talking about like, yeah, you know, it's really hard on my mom and dad when they ran my brother

out of the house and ostracized him for the rest of their lives for not having the same religion as them. That was really hard on them. Yeah, that was hard for a real tough. Yeah. And he also goes a little too far. He's like, yeah, I don't know. I feel like I'm a bad pastor and a bad person. And God might be fake.

Nope. Too far. Was my conflict. We got 45 minutes. Yeah. So, okay. Then it's time for Dave and Pierce to go to the big lawyer ring. So, thank you.

And the scene opens, he's like, okay, so this is a legal meeting. You don't talk. And he's like, okay, great, got it, got it. So what we were doing is. Apple sauce. The last one. I am race, isn't it double? You have to buy it now.

Fight me. I see fight. All right. That would actually be great. I'm going to be a real man. I'm going to be a real man. I'm going to be a real man. I'm going to be a real man. I am right for it. And it doesn't matter. You have to fight it now. Fight me. I see fight. All right. That would actually be a good fight because if you squeeze it, it's quite a lot of it. Yeah.

That'd be awesome. And if you'd like to have a high. Patrons $10 and up get to have a high see fight with. And Apple. I have a fight with. All right. So. Okay. So they go into the lawyer meeting and Pierce is playing in hardball, but his balls just aren't hard enough

Great more. He's like look, it was up to me. I'd put in a student center. Maybe get some Resources yoga classes. What am I doing? Sorry. I got By the anything but a church am I doing sorry? I got. I'm just going to buy the anything but a church. Yeah, so the, but he's like, you know, but I'm my client over here. He wants to keep his church. So the bad lawyer's like, fuck him and she storms out, but Pierce can smell the fear on lawyers can smell fear. So, so he turns to him. He's like, what, he's like, so Pierce, what's the next step? And he's like, how would you feel about ruining the life of your friend Jefferson Darcy?

He's like, sure. No, that'll help us win. Yeah. Okay. So they decide they're actually going to sue the university now, right? That's the plan. They're going to sue the university and they're going to go to the media and blame Tom, the Jefferson Darcy character, for everything.

And he's so cool with it so quickly. It's just like, yeah, we're gonna sick people on him from across the world and he's just like, yes. All right, wow. I thought you would think about it. No, let's do it. Yeah, fuck that guy. Maybe we like hinted some death threats for him.

Whoa. Whoa. Also, this makes no legal sense. Doesn't at all. And scene. Yeah. Did you just say and scene? We're in a legal meeting.

And you can't just race war. And conference done. All right. So, but now, okay, just for a twist, we go to another thing where the news is telling us what the plot is, but this time, David, they are white. So, the news telling us what the plot is, but this time David A.R. White's on the news telling us what the plot is. And this is where we get our favorite hot take of the movie. You know, these universities say they care about diversity, but what about that word?

Yeah, right. But what about when it comes to the vast majority of people that go to the college? What about white Christians? What? They talk about diversity and tolerance. What about white Christians? Yeah, well, they don't talk about this. Well, they don't talk about all that.

But the white, I go like, rank the lives. Some of the lives move. So, race war. Yeah, it's like, he's like, no, I would set a regular. I set a regular. So, he's like, he's on, no, I would set a regular race war right there. So he's like, he's on those going like, yeah, if you think about it, Christians are the largest of all the minorities. So they should get the most rights.

No, Davey, that's called a majority. Oh, whatever, though, whatever. We should get more rights, though. I should point out that this is being watched by college students watching NRA TV on Facebook. Oh, yes. Which is where everybody in this movie gets news. Yeah. It's never on television.

It's never in a newspaper. It's on Facebook. Right, because that's what they think people do is they go to Facebook to watch the local news. The fuck kind of universe is this. And also on the news, they're like, so if anyone's concerned back at home, what should they do? He's like harassed Jefferson Dar line, merciless life.

So stupid. It was also the National Guard desegregating like an all black Yashiva for one Christian white girl. Fuck you. Christian white girl. He's single tear rolls down her cheek. And then we get this really weird and it's very short where he's doing like a late night talk with the love interest. He's like, so we're watching a movie together. And trying to say there is nothing creepier than a 40 something year old man doing a late

night shit chat with his love interest. Just like, do you ever think that dreams might be free? Oh, you're fucking go rent two cars Don't have a son that can drive But the brother pops in while this is happening. Yeah, it's a great little eruption. He's like I'm on the phone though Stop you to pray over your dick you pray over your dick out your dick is dick is out. Why do you have a jar of apples? What are you doing? What are you doing?

So, you reach the applesauce now. And then, okay. So now is the next morning, God damn it, this is a weird scene. Davey wakes up to Pierce, chopping down a dead tree in his yard. Why the fuck did they have this thing? This is the crazy, you know, cause here's the thing, movies have the, we're gonna chop down the tree.

Oh no, it landed on my car, trope, right? But they just knocked down the tree. Yeah, well not only that, but he's chopping down the tree and Dave's like, oh, I can chop down fast. And you say they have a fucking chopping contest. And after like, after we want these two assholes inexperately whack a tree with an axe for a while, like not even using the sharp end much of the time, Dave's like, I got a solution for this and he goes and gets a chainsaw, which he's apparently had the whole time.

This is like 20 minutes into the wagon thing. He's like, do you want to use a much easier machine? I have one of those. It feels like David Aeroite made a real bet with the other actor. Like they really was like, I'll fuck it. I'll fuck it chop down a tree with this Swiss army knife. I have. I could do it. And then he broke like three toes and hit himself in the eye somehow.

And well, we have to use the chance. So I do working. So yeah, so they have to use the chance. So I do, working. So yeah, so they chop down the tree, they pull it down, and it comes down nice and easy. And I'm like, why the fuck am I watching this? Like this, this never comes back. It's not an analogy for anything. This is just, what has dumb fuck movie decided?

We needed four minutes of, is tree chopping. You know, you don't get enough of it in movies. Tree chopping. Right. But once the trees chop down, they have a good old fashioned mini religious debate, which again, here's the thing. This is the God's not dead franchise. All right. This this series of movies started out with an atheist character putting a child in a headlock and being like, sir, you don't love Jesus. And in this case, the atheist character is like, I don't know, I just feel like I can do good things

without religion, you know? And David or white's character is like, no. Everyone's broken and the church is the clue. And he's like, you seem upset about these true things I'm saying. I am. Yes. Yeah, and it's like, and it appears as like,

yeah, it's like church lost its relevance and I'm like, yeah, if any of that happened the same time they lost the ability to force people to go. When was the before time of that? When was it super useful? I wasn't useful, but it was damn relevant in the middle ages, slave. Do you hear the latest? I also love this bit that where appears as like, yeah, but nobody ever finds answers in a church. And David David airway goes, I shit you not. Peers churches in about finding

answers. It's about seeking answers. What? Well, you can do that anywhere, man. So what's about not finding? Right. That's exactly what it is. That's bad, man. And so what's about not finding it right? That's exactly what it is. That's bad. Yeah. And now that David A.R. White is accidentally admitted that churches have no purpose. I guess we can pause for a moment and celebrate our victory. But first, I got to give Axe III the hard sell here.

Will Davy manage to save his church from the evil first amendment? Why the fuck would you have a Christian church on a state funded college campus? Seriously, how is this the plot of the fucking movie? Find out the answers to one of these questions and more when we return for the slow, flatchelent plot deflation that is, God's not dead, a light in the darkness. Hey there, new listener, it's me,

call the bug of Pagoclon. I've got the unofficial mascot for the show. What? Hold on, I thought that was me. We said I was mascot. Nope. Anyways, whenever a big movie like this comes along, a whole bunch of new folks, and a few of you who don't visit us often, drop by.

So I thought I'd take a moment to welcome you and answer a couple of frequently asked questions. Question one. Why do you guys laugh so much? Answer, because it's a comedy show. And if we didn't laugh, our show would sound like this. Uh, David A.R. White is an unattractive man in my opinion. Agreed. Agreed.

Great. I promise you get used to it. Question two. Hey, this is my very first episode, but you guys have 136 episodes. Where should I start? Answer. Well, that depends on you. Some people like to start an episode once and they get all the inside jokes and references. It's like a little play, but other people want to know our favorites. So how about it, fellas? Recommendations. Oh, I'm going to say let there be light. Kevin Sorbo and Sam Sorbo. That's pretty damn good. I would have to go with I would have to go a second glance. And I'm going to recommend the apocalypse series Gary Busy and Mr. T in the same three

movies. Yes, please. And finally, if you're a new listener or even if you just drop by on occasion, a quick reminder that pledging is little is a dollar a show over at patreon.com slash God awful helps us make the show and also eat food and stuff. You get a commercial free version of the show, free tickets to our live events, March and Access to 21 bonus episodes of us reviewing secular movies. If just one out of 10 people listen to this show pledged, we'd be the highest funded podcast in the world. And we'd buy golden revenge against

our enemies. Garlic bread. What did you say? Either way, we all agree. Anyways, thanks for stopping by. And now on with the show. And we're back for more of this ship, but before we can move back to the plot, we have to drop in for us. Surprise visit from the news boys. Jesus. Okay, so the news boys are on the news, get it? They don't, they're just too lazy to write them into the fucking script. So they just show up on the goddamn news.

And he's giving us the clumsiest metaphor. The cross. The cross. This is where we really crossed the Christians in our theater because he goes, the cross is horizontal and vertical, you see, at which point we all started laughing at this movie and the Christians were like, I mean, it is. No, that's true. And the middle is Jesus. That has been weird.

So like the two dimensions smashed into each other. It Nelson Mandela got killed by Cartesian coordinates. So it's just quantum physics. Yeah, I'm a tree quantum math. Also, we've talked about this before, but the main news boy is one of the weirdest looking people we have. Like normally you would need a series of genetic disorders to get that fucking weird looking. He looks like the predator is personal trainer.

Yes. Yes. Dude, that's fucking perfect. Yeah. So they're talking and they're talking about how Jesus is the center of the cross and blah, blah, blah. And Keaton, of course, is watching the news boys video clip on Facebook as we so often do.

And she's inspired by him. So she goes to find out him at one of them sin parties. And then they wandered off the haveling conversation together. And she's basically like, so how you do it? And he's like, well, you know, the murder. Yeah. Hand stuff you want to do hand?

No, no. Okay. But also this, of course, is where he has to tell him that his dad used to beat his mom and God never helped. And that's why he hates God so much. Right. And again, he makes a really solid point here. He's like, hey, you know, when my father beat my mother, our church was really focused on the fact that she divorced him and didn't help her at all. Right. said, right, but to be fair, the Bible is super clear about both of those things. Yeah. The one is okay. And the other is not not the right way on that. It's actually a whole rule about moral.

You did wake up within 24 hours. So. And this is where they really start running out of things to say. They've just like kind of given up. So it's like, yeah, the church, the church called her a sinner for divorcing her abusive husband. Oh, you're, you're done. I thought you would have a follow up. Stand your thing. Do not.

We don't have. Okay. Um, I can, let me, and she's, and she's even like, well, let me pray for you real quick and see if we can find an answer. Nope. Oh, you're done. I thought we'd have a follow up for that one. Yeah. I know what you're saying. spray and then say nothing. Okay. We're really phone. Okay. Yeah. Right. And with a we're phoning in with the with the cans and the string. Huh? Dave, can we cut

or no? No. Krillin. We're going to. So now we cut over to Dave Pierce and the and Meg, the love interest, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I told my brother that if he put salt in water, he could make his own seven up. And then he drank two gallons of salt water, which why did he keep drinking? But even if he was a child, he'd have been like, no, that's not ready yet. I keep vomit.

Why do I keep vomit and bro? Yeah, no, that would probably be fatal. But yeah, but it's just, but it's just their silly story. Again, anything could go here, but what they had was, yeah, he drank two gallons of saltwater, you know, like you do. So I said him on fire. And of course, at the same time, Jefferson Darcy is back home reading YouTube comments about how much cocky socks and he's very upset. Yeah. And the Christians, the Christians throw a brick

through his window, which I was like, wait, is your movie? What's, you guys really don't also follow up to that either. Could you guys not think of anything other than a brick through a fucking window? I mean, come on, we'll use that. He might as well turn the brick over and it says, are we the baddies? Yeah on his collection of thermite and flint. Right.

Kind of. Should not get that there. We're just so grateful of nerve agent that they worked as a daughter. Okay. So. So after dinner, we get Davian Magdair Chatton, you know, after the dinner with Pierce. And she's super proud of him because she's a woman and that's her job. Also, she very much wants the D. And it's time for Tom to pull up and fight. Oh my, okay.

This fight is ever, it's like me and Heath fighting over in Eminem in a bouncy castle that we did not win. Oh, God, he's being an exquisite favorite. We said, we said nobody. We said nobody. Three, two, one, stop. Two, one, stop. Call forward.

And so so Jefferson like he pulls up, he's like, you started this shit and all the people on the internet are throwing shit to my windows and he runs up, he's like, you started this shit and all the people on the internet are throwing shit through my windows and he runs up, he punches him in the face, which okay, but apparently David A.R. White, like insist he's like, but my character would be, my character would be pretty kick ass too, right? You would get some licks in, right? Pastor Dave.

Also, he would have a cartoon lump immediately out of his eye, right? He was have a goiter right away. You just right away. I feel like it's right away. Right. So Tom drives away after the fight and make comes over and he goes, you okay? And she's like, yeah, I was not involved in that fight.

You lost that fight. Yeah. And he goes, you should leave. I'm soaked in my own urine. It's dark out here. You have a notice, Jack, but you will. And the smell. I guess you eventually.

Hi. Dear, let's deer around here. And again, this is definitely one of the moments that David A.R. White heard himself and had to switch out first on man for something. He was just like, caught, did you shove yourself in the eye? I was not even possible.

It was a shove and then it was done. How are you? In your eye again. You shit yourself didn't. Well, I'm fine there. So, so yeah, they have their fight. Meg drives off and then we get Pearson, Josh. They're loyering together because remember, Josh was going to be a lawyer until he decided to be useless. So he's helping Pierce set up his legal defense. And this is where Pierce essence is like, Hey, man, why did you leave law school? He goes, well, you know, being a pastor's pretty much the same thing except you make last money and the earth wouldn't even notice if you disappeared along with the rest of your profession. If you think about

it, civil rights is the same as bothering teenagers. Like, for example, what did you do today as a civil rights lawyer? Oh, I helped this woman who was being discriminated against in housing and then this LGBT teen, one rights to get back from his abusive parents so he could have his college fund. Right, right. I did a big sale for creepy virgins. So, so pretty much pretty easy. Civil rights is what we both said. And this is where Josh says, well, if you think about it, Jesus was the ultimate social justice warrior. What? I could not have hurt the Christian side of our theater more

with a knife and saw. Just the guy next to us, the narrator guy might have been like, destroy my worldview. Ha, here's the fucking thing. The savior is a cuck. Damn it. Exactly. That's the thing. Who was that fucking line for?

Right? First of all, it's wrong. I read the fucking book. And secondly, you're turning off your own audience. They ate those fucking social justice warriors. But yeah, and this is the point in the movie where I had a major life changing realization. I think David A.R. White might be having a nervous breakdown. Here's the thing, David A.R. White's been making movies since 1990, right?

Christian movies, but he's always been sort of like, David R. White making movies in a wacky background. But now the wacky background is the president. And I feel like he's spent two years watching his people run the country and not care when the president fucks a porn star behind his mistress's back. And he's just like, I want to switch. I'm strange. Yes, I'm the bad guy.

I didn't. I've always been the bad guy. I should have. I've always been the bad guy. I should have been trying to tell me for years now. No, I thought I was just promoting good world, but it turns out when we're in charge, we hurt every one. No, because the first move, the first move is all about how bad atheists are and then it turns out that we're Wait

That's what I love the justification by the way for the social justice warrior line is he's like, well, if you think about it, Jesus did call for women to be slightly less oppressed in the parts of the book that were clearly added much later. Yeah, right? He invented feminism too. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, that's, yeah, that's Jesus the original. That's J.W. He's getting tweets from trolls.

I wouldn't fuck your mom with God's. Gross. Oh, and then, of course, we got to get the whole area's grace saying pizza scene. This is where the narrator guy that was sitting in the middle because there's this whole thing like where he's like, his brother goes to eat pizza and he's got a mouthful and David airwitz like, Oh, let's say grace and then brother has to hold the pizza and whatever. And they all laugh at him. the guy the narrator or in and Pierce goes That wasn't funny and the narrator guy that sit behind us goes yes, it was humor

Yes, it was to which I said no it really it wasn't I know I do this for a living and then we broke all the fourth walls Possible and we all that we were all like we agreed we were talking to the movie not Next And we all got we were all like we agreed we were talking to the movie not to next art. All right. So the Bradley Stee and

the the the now we're heading off back to the to the next lawyer thing. Of course, Pierce has to explain to Davey House sex with a lady works apparently is like, if you fucked Meg Meg I don't know how penis is Their intro babble talk for going into the courthouse was just is it on the leg? Why would it be on Which everybody says between the legs

Where does the leg and you have to tell me? Show me your leg. Yeah. He's like, you should, you should fall in love with Maggie. He's like, why is it? Cause she's listed as love interest and Noah's note. Still, come on. So we only got 30 minutes left in this movie.

Let's get going. Yeah. Right. And then of course, we have to have some lawyers, lawyer, and they win the lawyer ring. Hooray. The case will go to court. Yeah. And hey, if you're like really riveted on the plot right now and you're wondering how that's going to result, it literally won't. So go ahead, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So then, okay, now we cut to this, there was the black preacher, which is the guy who was doing the funeral for Jude earlier.

We get him preaching. Now, I will say this motherfucker can preach. Oh, he's got a lovely voice. And he just, but he knows how to eat, he knows rhetoric, right? He knows how to use the language and shit. And at this point, I was realizing why it was that when we saw David A. R. White's character given an assurment, it was only eight seconds because he wasn't going to go up against this dude. They were like, why don't we shoot all the preaching in one day? And he goes up and he's like, and the Lord

doesn't know the way I feel. And then David gets up there and he's like, hi, everybody. Stupid. I shouldn't start with hello today who's drinking tonight Race war That's the worst time to make that mistake And by the way, of course this whole sermon is interspersed with Davy not knowing what jogging is again So we you know we're getting the preacher and you'll cut the stand up. And then whenever and then it's David going, my side, my side.

In his face though, he is running like Hasselhoff on a beach. He is amazing. He thinks that he's going to call cut and they're going to be like, so do you ever consider the Olympics and maybe I'd have to be an amateur. I have. I've done that. All right. So he gets done with his run and we get done with our sermon. And now it's time for Dave to get an anonymous text telling him it was Adam who started the fire. Now

we should point out, by the way, at no point in this movie up to this point Has Adam gotten a name, right? So we see the text and it's like Adam Richards and started the fire I'm like is that the guy that started the fire or is that a lie? We don't fucking know, but David A. R. Whites response to this To an anonymous text is to go beat up the child in question, fight a kid. Yeah. Yeah. He just, he runs up to the church, to the college and he's like, Adam, did you kill Jude? And he's like, what? And then he just pushes him to the ground and starts hitting him, which by the way, new game texting my enemy's names to David A. R. W. You know, who didn't like your movie, Dave heathed in like your movie. Shove, shove, shove. Mike, he knew it.

The amount of shoving is the best. He just shoves the kid right in the body and then like a security guard comes up and he like one shoved chaos, a scary guard. He definitely has like a no losing shoved fights writer like he's been a regular the rock. It's the best. So yeah, so he does his shoving and this is by the way, he's caught on camera. I love the sloppy ass, but look, look, someone's videotaping this whole thing that they have in there. So Adam gets arrested from murder. The evidence being of course, Davies anonymous tax. Maybe tell everyone you

didn't throw a bomb because that's not what happened. Yes. You threw, I don't understand how that's never been introduced into the blood at all. Right. Well, I don't understand how the cops weren't like, you know, there's no explosives down here.

Probably wasn't intentional. You never asked if I threw a bomb. And, and the news, by the way, is trying to do the both sides of this. It's like, well, on the one hand, a kid murdered a person. But on the other hand, he pushed. He wasn't pushing. We saw it on the thing. Yeah. And of course, we have to have at this point, Adam's black friend calls upon the internet to help Adam out. Right. He goes on YouTube. And he's like, Hey, man, Adam's a pretty good guy. So he internet show up at the church at the, and the, and the very last scene.

All of us will come to the church and be there because you know, when you go on the internet, he, yo, and it will camera people. I'll do what you say. It's like that, but in a movie. And of course, the college sees this as the, you know, perfect opportunity to kind of win the public debate here. And they're like, yeah, you know, that guy that was suing us, he shoved a kid around on camera.

That's pretty fucked up. Yeah. And they're, they sure it is so weirdly. Yeah. It's like we're as a university, just to be clear, anti killing people. That's why I've called this press conference that being said, Christianity is bad. Oh, is that my whole line?

We keep having no follow up on communism is good. I don't know. Yeah. And then of course the news has to come to explain the plot some more. And there's this super clumsy thing that she exits. Some news anchor. She goes just like America today, everybody's yelling, nobody's listening. One side murdered someone. Okay, so now Keaton is going back to the library, which is where she has her conversations, but this time since Adam and Jail, she's going to have a conversation with the virtually identical looking actor that plays Josh. And she's like, she's doing okay, he's the youth pastor. So she's turned to him. She's like, okay, I know that we are

better than everybody else, but like, but once Davey pushed Adam, I made it super unclear to me because, you know, pushing is bad. And her whole thing, her whole conflict here seems to be, I don't know why Pastor Deis being such a bitch about murdering his friend. It was an accident. Where's all the forgiveness I heard of? Maybe give him a calendar week. No. I'm saying that.

I expect it right away. Otherwise, we might as well be atheists. Yeah. Right. And of course, Josh has to like talk her through her doubting of God. He's like, and this is his actual line. Oh, go ahead and doubt God. He can take it. He loves it. He wants your doubt inside of him. So weird. And he uses the example of John, but John is a super not convincing story. So John the Baptist, we should say. Yeah.

Yeah. He uses the example of John the Baptist. And he's like. Well, so John the Baptist, we should say, yeah. Yeah, he's the example of John the Baptist. And he's like, you know, John the Baptist also doubted whether or not what he had heard was true. But then he heard other stories. What the actual point of this is, well, you know, John the Baptist actually saw Jesus and saw him do all his miracles. And even he doubted Jesus.

I'm like, wow, that means that John the Baptist is terribly unreliable witness. Well, the idiot would trust on anything, especially fourth hand two thousand years later. Ha. John the Baptist is just like, I mean, I saw Christ heal the sick and cure the blind, but I also went to this bar mitzvah and this magician. Bull the guard from my ear. So the soldier do shot me. The soldier didn't shoot you in. But yeah, so but yeah, the message apparently the Joshua sending is, no, no, God wants you

to doubt it. He's just silly like that. You know how you like God is. Skepsis emit leads to faith. It's like a horse chew. No, it's not. You guys got to write me ends of line. So many, I don't know. A lot of beginning to get the first two words. Right. And

so now it's time for Pierce and Dave to have their falling out because the movie's almost over. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Pierce is like, Hey, man, you know, if I'm going to be your lawyer, you need to stop like pushing children around on on television. You is like, hey, man, you know, if I'm going to be your lawyer, you need to stop like pushing children around on television. You're like, fuck you, I'm leaving. So he walks out, he gets so pissed off that he forgets how car doors work. Yeah, I guarantee you, this is all real. This is all about, he's like, I'm going to walk home and he's like, you have the car keys and he's like, here you go.

He's like, keep it. Yeah, I guess that would be all you'd have to do. calm and he's like, you have the car keys and he's like, here you go. He's like, keep it. Yeah. Every minute of this. I guess that would be all you'd have to do. Yeah. So Pierce is done with this fucking plot as I am. He walks away. And now is time for the multi-person Bible study montage. Of course. Giving this movie permission to start winding down. And of course, we get Keaton studying

her Bible. Then we get Davy studying his Bible. But then Davy just throws it across the room like Lucinda just got to Timothy. So he's like, well, there's nothing good in that fucking book. I'll go see that black pastor guy. Yeah, they're trying to get all their weird tropes in towards these last three minutes of the movie. He's like, okay, so I did the Bible study thing. Big fight. Talk to minority friend. Mine's dead. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. Uncropbling June from the trash, trying to smooth them out. Still good. Still good. Can I dig up your son? I need to do a Lincoln. Chuck.

Oh, it's good. Oh, the Ted. All the time. God's good. Oh, the time. It's good. Richard Dawkins walks over what he said was good. It's good all the time. So then. So David goes to see that black master from earlier. And I love this. This is such a great moment. This is a weird moment of South awareness in this movie where David Aeroide's like, look, black man, you don't know what it's like to be persecuted like me. A white, cis heterosexual Christian man in the South. And he's like, really? And he's like, oh, well, like the movie actually is like, dude, I'm black. Like, I don't think,

I think the line in the script was probably like yes Massa or something the actors just like you know what fucked you right? Did you not see the flaming cross on the way into my building just now it's right there look right outside I thought it's still it's right next to my petroleum reserves that I should really get real I keep them right there I thought you guys are decorating Is it Klanza? You guys too Kwame? I don't know much. It's horizontal and vertical. It's the center.

And basically the conclusion is, hey, people love Jesus because he was nice. I mean, they are Christian because an emperor made them big. Yeah, right. But the product we're selling is your friendly rabbi. All right. But the product we're selling. You're friendly rabbi. All right. So so now Davey has to pray again, squeezing all of the Christian movie bingo squares and right at the end here, I wrote, we're going full square. Yeah. We're going. So yeah, so he he prays, tells God he sure does misjude.

And then the love interest sends him a message like, meet me in the next scene. He's like, yeah, we need some of this along. And we should point out this scene with Meg means nothing. Oh my God. She's just like, you know, anyway, he's totally heathes thing of just like, I have no lines. We thought we could do like a Christopher guest thing. He's the one in line. Guy next to a vagina. She is the vagina. I love this movie.

She's there, resolved. Resolved. And by the way, like what she's basically telling them is, she's like, you know, I really like the way that God murdered Jude, distrinct in your faith. If you think about it, that was sort of his purpose. Huh? She, and of course she has a light of candles.

She's like, I always let a candle for everyone I'm praying for. And she lights a candle for him. I come out here to the woods to start an uncontrolled fire. I haven't learned anything from this movie. I like it to be windy when I do. Sometimes I drop hot wax on my nipples like I'm doing. You think I can beat my brother in a shoved fire? Wendy sometimes I drop hot wax on my nipples You think I could beat my brother in a shoved fight

Nipple wax The guy behind us nipple wax And then Davie I shit you not leans in for the And hold I show you not leans in for the handhold. They all hands. I would, if she had rejected the lean in for the animal, if she had been like, oh, no, no, I'm not. You got this going a little fast. Why don't you give me some goji balls.

All right, so you got to, you got to be a patron to get all of this shit. All right, so by by the way non patrons if you'd like to hear our review of 50 shades darker, you should be a fucking patron. See, is that what you're going to go? All right. All right. So now he comes back home and he's got a fight with Pierce Pierce is packing his shit because David can go fuck himself, but they have to have a go fuck yourself. Fight. Yeah. And it's the craziest thing. Like again, I don't know what happened to David R. White during the right of this movie because he's like, oh, you're just abandoning me the way you abandoned mom and dad. And he's like, no, they kicked me out of the house

for asking questions. He's like, yeah, but the questions are me. Yeah, that's exactly what's happening. He's like, you know, hey, look, you know, you left when you were a grown man, the kind of age where people leave home, how dare you? And he's like, well, you do know that our parents hated me for not following their religion, right? He's like, well, yeah, me too.

You could have just followed their religion. Yeah, right. Right. I don't know anything. The truth is, a guy, I'm yelling. I'm yelling. This dude has got more of an excuse to leave than John fucking Dowd.

He starts binge applesawcing in the other room all night. Oh, Lord. Does he leave mine in it? Moths is there for me. Moths is there. If you'd like $50 off your order of moths. All right. So now Keaton has to go see Adam and Jail and Davey has to run some more. And he gets done with his running and he winds out right out in front of his own church. You

know, so he's got to like have the angry, yelling at God moment in the church. We get the angry jogging close up face for a second there at the end of the jogging to and he's still managed to fuck up the leg motion below frame. You could tell he was like doing the canoe thing. And you're just jogging in places all we want here. High knees, high knees. So yeah, he's like, he walks into the church and he yells to God. He's like, what am I doing wrong? Just show me. And I'm like, well, you're yelling at a ghost in a place that's about to collapse. That's

something wrong right there. But luckily, this is a Christian movie. So he gets a vision. Okay. At this moment, the movie standing in the church the fucking CGI or the green screen burned out church and suddenly the church Fazed away and it just turns to stars and I was so ready for Jesus to appear to chat with him. I wanted a lot of pop up and it's just like, oh, hey Hey Hey, hey, so just so okay, you're having a weird year. I really am. I'm having a weird year. I don't know. Oh, what if this had been the stars falling to the earth and this had been the beginning of the rapture? That would have been a better movie. All right. So now Keaton is going to go see Davy, right? You got Keaton, the girlfriend of the boy who's in prison is going to go see Pastor Dave. Also, this, by the way, is the day of the big protest because

anybody who puts anything on the internet, everybody does that. So that's very important. But first, keep an house to go see Pastor Dave. And she's like, you know, she says at this point, she's like, do you know why kids of my generation are leaving your church? And I want to, David to just keep giving good answers to homophobia. It knows as a science. The child rape. Child rape.

Child rape. Oh, the increasing irrelevance of the intellectual conversation that we have. I think you go back to child rape. Sexism? Child rape. Child rape. The final answer. But, but that's it.

That actually is. Yeah. Because you're a bunch of info fox and David are where it's like, oh, Fuck, yes, we are. And again, it's just like, Wow, neither of us has a follow up. I thought, okay, crazy. Okay. Well, yes, I'll go forgive your boyfriend for murdering my friend. There you go. I feel like it's not really my place to forgive him. Maybe the parents should do it, but you know, my place to forgive him. Maybe the parents should do it, but you know, he was a sidekick. So, you know, important it is that Batman forgive the Joker for all the robins he's murdered. All right. So, all right. So now, Davey goes to see Adam in prison. And we learn here that

it was Adam himself who sent the anonymous text to David A.R. White. And if you're thinking of yourself, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Congratulations. Yeah. And he's like, why would you do that? And he's like, I was hoping you'd be cool about it. Forgiveness. Drop the charges. Drop, forget it. Just forget it. Be like, uh, deleted block the number. Also, he then gives him Jude's Bible. He's like, I want you to have Jude's Bible.

It's a little bloody, but you know, kind of on you let it. So everything but halfway through, uh, halfway through the epistles. All the pages are burned out, but those aren't very good. First half is already a little bloody. If you know what I mean, to do the Rodomy joke, you'll get it if you love a fun.

Are you going to jail for a while? And now their buddies and now David A.R. White has to go see Jefferson Darcy so he can ask for leniency for Adam. He's like, you know what, I've changed my mind. I like the kid that murdered my black friend now. Can you do that? I don't think, like not since the 14th amendment. No, you can't fucking drop the charges on murdering the black guy. I don't think you can drop murder charges. No, not at all. Your honor. It's fine. It's cool. Yeah, we're cool. Also, I have to point this out. The fucking, okay, so when David A.

Erwite and Jefferson Darcy got in a fight earlier okay. So when David A. R. White and Jefferson Darcy got in a fight earlier in the movie, David A. White comes away with a black eye and Jefferson Darcy comes away with a cut on his lip because, you know, obviously David A. R. White's character had to get some licks in too. But at this point in the movie, the split on Jefferson's lip has moved to the other side of his face. Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha. It was so amazing. They're like, where was it last time? I don't even fucking, don't matter.

Ain't nobody paying no attention. So Tom and Dave make up and they have this with really weird, but where it's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. And I just wrote, Keeeeee. Yes. That's what the narrator guy behind us said too. All right.

So now it's time for the big protest fucking finally. And again, it's the same thing way that he was talking about earlier where nobody has anything to scream. Yeah, it's protest versus protest, but nobody knows what's either on. We're like, let him murder not ah you sure the she me

she don't get moved doxies and robber season hey hey ho ho

and christian god has got to go he shows up and he goes hey can I give a speech in the cops like absolutely yeah right right his method of giving a speech to an angry screaming crowd is to stand in front of him Go, excuse me for me.

Excuse me. Like you wouldn't get seated in a fucking restaurant like that. But but of course that doesn't work because Jefferson Darcy also has to stand up next to him. I'm going to excuse us. And they're like, oh, let him talk. Let him talk. But there's like two guys and everyone shuts up except for like two guys who are still shouting in the background. It's amazing, which means that the first line of his big funnallys is I had a vision the

other night. And the guy goes, you're right. Black Lives Matter. I just love the idea that there's two guys still protesting. It's like when you see one guy you try to do the wave, right? So David goes up to give this speech. He's like God talked to me. He told me this movie's plot was stupid and pointless. So never mind. Yeah, literally this is the resolution. I'm withdrawing my lawsuit. I'm giving up the murder thing. I'm no longer a pastor. No, sorry too far.

I'm doing those first two things. The resolution of this movie was the writers realizing that the stakes never mattered. I've been waiting a hundred and 38 movies for this shit. Yep. He's like, I'm giving up on the movie business. Dave, sorry, I'm dying. lawsuit. Give it up on lawsuit. I just wanted the Christiana brothers to hang out with me. Just let him get through it. He'll get to the plot eventually. I'm tired of being love interest with my wife. I'm bleach blonde hair.

I look like a backstreet boy support crisis hotline. I'm always damp. I shouldn't always be damp as an adult. 50. 50. So you know, she's like, you know, it occurred to me that I could really rebuild my church yeti dam where it doesn't have they were going to pay me anyway for a burned up church. Also, I don't care.

I don't care. So I think I can be just fine. anyway for a burned up church. Also, I don't care. I don't care. It's gonna be just fine. And then he's like, everyone put down your protest signs. And they make this take like 15 minutes. Everybody just put them down at once. He has to ask them like six or seven. You, especially you two in the back.

Yeah, beat your signs into plowshares. Yeah. And then he ends up candles. Oh, he's like, take these candles. That's what this is now. And everyone's just like, Oh, candles. Why the fuck? Where the, like, they just had 350 little candles.

Apparently, yes, Meg brought enough candles for everyone. And now it's a candlelight goddamn vigil. I laughed uncontrollably at this point. Yeah. Like for most of the movie, I was trying to kind of hold it in because all the Christians not so much at this point. Nope. And it would be nice to think that this fucking movie ends right there on the candlelight

vigil, but no, the fucking news has to come up and say, and now it seems like everybody's pretty happy with that pastor. He's pretty cool, huh? Especially his hairdo. His hairdo doesn't look at all. Like you got stuck in 1992 and then was in a coma for a really long time with somebody kept his hair up that whole time, huh? Yeah. And then and then Keaton the the the chick has to give her like Opening monologue again. Oh that terrible middle school poem. She was reading about the fire spark Sometimes all it takes is a spark to kill a black guy What were we doing?

What was it? Dave I just I like okay, so like we get these series of shots with everybody being cool with each other now All the people that hated each other hugging them I wanted this to keep going you know's all the way to like Israel and Palestine signing on the dotted line Standing over top of it the Pope and a kid high five But that's where they ended like it's Christianity is like a forest fire, no follow. Then he just screams cosmic illusions like con. Yeah, and literally he goes, you know what? God's not dead.

Well, yeah, we even get this scene where like Pierce calls and leaves him a message, right? He's like the lawyer that left by the way continued to be gone. And it's just like, hey, little brother, glad to see that at the very end of this movie, you started doing something reasonable, starting to feel like a Christian movie. And then you did that way to go. And we're done with that character. And then of course, we have to like, we have to get the very last little follow-up scene

because we're not quite out of the woods yet. We're Pastor Dave. Well, Adam gets out of jail and Pastor Dave breaks ground on his new church. Also, Keaton can hear God again. Right. And again, like it's an afterthought, Keaton just texts or Facebooks. God's not dead. Well, she doesn't even quite get there. The way the movie ends is she goes, God's not. And then the movie ends and then we hear the God's not dead. He's truly alive. That's like, that's the setup. I stayed after the credits and she actually types of real.

Well, see, but that brings me to like, okay, that's what I was thinking. It's like, where was she going with this? So I thought, because we're really fucking busy this weekend and didn't have a time to think about a lot of shit, we ended with her going, God's not. So I thought this would be a fun little auto complete for us to each try out. So I'm curious, what is what is your auto complete on God's not? Oh, mine was, I did this. I pressed the center button and it is God's not hungry. We could eat later or I can bring home. You home hungry. So the case of anyone's wondering that you're out of complete is I want food.

Not that one though. No, it's not that one though. I can't have that. It's still not that one. Tells you my relationship with me. No, I'm sick. Too late. Vegan. God's not vegan. I'm sick too late vegan God's not vegan My complete was God's not answering my prayers Sad that that's like a number one Google search people being like what the fuck man? Google Siri whoever the fuck why God is not the everyone's dad went out for cigarettes and they're not going to wait. So sad to be Christian.

Oh shit, mine's so disappointing. And mine was just, God's not sure if you got my email about the winner and I don't want to be a part of the team. That's amazing for Noah. That's the perfect Noah. That's, I guarantee you any sentence, Noah writes an auto complete with and I don't want to be. And I don't want to be part of the team.

And no. No. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of God's Not Dead 3. We didn't know what number came after two, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to entice you back. So Eli, tell us what's on deck, the truth about dinosaurs. Spoiler alert, it is not. All right. So with dinosaurs to look forward to, we're're gonna bring episode 137 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to all our Patreon donors and I'll make the show go if you'd like to contact yourself among their ranks. You can make a great episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to and have a reversion of every episode. You can also help us done by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scanning ideas citation needed on the Skeptocrat available in iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcast

live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodOffalmoves.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law of the PA and retours, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotten, and convebral draft son Mars, all those music was written and performed by our audio engineer,

Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check here of life this week for Heathen, right, Neely, and Boston Common O'oleusians, promised to work hard during another truck next week, until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Location scouting has already started for God's not dead for. It's me, I'm dead and also dead.

The cut on Jefferson Darcy's lip is somewhere over the Pacific Ocean heading towards Borneo. David, if you're looking to start a podcast, call us buddy. Call us anyway. Yeah, call us no matter what. It was a hard year for all of us, you know. We all made changes. We all made. 10 man's end casters fucking kill great delay on reality amazing well yeah he's

sitting a little further away from it too I thought it was going to be a little bit further off than that. All right quantum physics. Yes quantum physics going on there. Oh God, Morgan, it was so bad. It was so good, bad. It was bad in all the best ways. Yeah.

All right. I wish you wouldn't send me threatening. Threaten me. Don't do it. Love you, loyalist. Thanks, that's one. Probably the biggest downloads we're gonna get all year if you bring a bunch of me.

Sorry. You're the funny one. All right. Q. Carl the Puggapego. Are they? Are they not? It's your script. We need a hard yes or no in this to move on.

Answer. We need a hard guess or no in this to move on answer. You know, it was gone when the amber alert popped up on the TV last night. Literally, the only moment he was gone for a bar on amber alert popped up on TV. All of us were like, where's Eli? Not here. This is all Eli's fault. We'd be done if it wasn't for Eli Morgan. Unbelievable. Well, professionalism. Eli's shitting.

And he's not even in the bathroom anymore. It's really disturbing. Morgan, I'm back. What did they say? The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, cap your A-2018 all rights reserved.