God Awful Movies - 138: The T.R.U.T.H. About Dinosaurs

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of "The T.R.U.T.H. About Dinosaurs", an effort at a kid's video that teaches us that the earth is six thousand years old, dinosaurs and man co-existed, and if you don't believe that, you're going to hell. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

And and also the T-Rex brain fossil Yeah, they think that was a brain bone did they obviously think they had a brain bone They definitely had a brain bone because they're like They hold up the size of the teeth and then they hold up this fucking fossil And look at the size of its brain. I'm like now wait a minute. That's a rock You have a rock Start counting the dimples on the rock. T-Rex is stupid, only use 10% of its tiny little brains. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Thanks Noah. So, uh, you know what you call a dinosaur? A codnuffle bankrolls, the secret cabal of Jewish lizard aliens who run the world.

Who's that? What's that? George Soros. It's a George Soros. That's so much better than any other shit we get in this room. You're enjoying while you can folks. All right. Of course, sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Do you know what you call a dinosaur that is in peanut butter fuck no wait

But the doctors are due so he's Now you're much closer to the humor level of this film I Now you're much closer to the humor level of this film. I feel like we should just like not do that movie. We should just do a completely different movie. I should splice this in on the evergreen episode or whatever. What the fuck were those guys talking about jokes funny. So tell us. Assuming I don't do that, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the truth about dinosaurs.

It's that classic movie formula that combines science documentary, theme park, infomercial and stand up comedy showcase. And it's all about how secular carbon is biased. Secular archaeology is a scam. Yeah. Oh, it was painful Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love knock knock jokes, but you hate the fact that it's always the

Jew media trying to corrupt the minds of your children at the door. You will, um, this movie. It's like Bill and Ted's bogus adventure, if it were Bill and Ted Nugent. And Ted Nugent had creative control, of course. Right. Yeah. But Bill and I was there like as a hostage video. Yeah.

Same amount of pedophiles. All right. So just as a fair warning to the listeners, this is not so much a movie as it is a low quality stream of consciousness fever dream. So just as a fair warning to the listeners, this is not so much a movie as it is a low quality stream of consciousness fever dream. So we're not going to, there are no narrative threads to pull on this week. Instead, it's just like I'll randomly say, and now we're on a pirate ship made of cheese and you just have to keep up, right?

So just be ready for that. It's like an effort at a kids movie clip show kind of thing very poorly done. So there's going to be a lot of random. And yet it does still manage to take a hard right turn. Somehow a thing with no plot manages to take a hard right turn in its not plot. It's impressive. You got it. It's impressive. Yeah, right. And the hard right is into more insane. Yep. Right. It's not even into insane. It's not like it was a normal thing. And then it, yeah, wow, we'll get there. Obviously. I should also point out that the title of this movie isn't the truth

about the dinosaurs. It's the T dot R dot U dot T dot H about Dyser. And first I thought that was because their lawyers were like, you can't call this truth guys, but, but, but no, it turns out that truth stands for something. Truth is to reach understanding through him. I think we can all agree. That's a shit acronym. After seeing the movie, you guys have any thoughts on what it should be teaching ridiculously untrue things habitually. That'd be honest truth and advertising. Um, uh, I'm going to go recursive. Uh, truth really undermines theism. Hold on.

Hahaha. Get. All right. Well, mine, I'm just going to underscore my absolute favorite moment in this or probably anything we've ever seen. Um, I'm going to make it stand for todd in this or probably anything we've ever seen. I'm going to make it stand for toddlers refuting utterly thick-witted hypotheses. My favorite toddler of all time, she just basically makes up for all the babies that have cried on airplanes.

I'm like, oh, they can do this too. Awesome. I heard it was also teens reaching up to heaven was awesome. I wondered what it was about and that was one of the things. Yeah, yeah, that's probably. They love their crappy acronyms. All right. So other than acronyms, anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at. Yeah, I'm going to say best worst atheist little girl. And really just best best. It's the greatest. I have the same thing. Actually, I have to say one, I had best worst refutation by an atheist little girl. Yeah, but, but it was the best in terms of like for us. It was the worst in terms of their reaction to it.

Oh, it's great. They're doing like the little man on the street thing and they come across like six year old Lucinda. Okay, you're all fucking stupid. First of all, none of the science things you said is Greg, but I'm glad you're here. I want you to open up to Timothy real quick with great and now Ben no or fuck you. I'm six. She's best. You've got any best worst CLI? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst hard right turn into hell. You don't see it coming, but at some point right after the wacky comedy, and I can't emphasize this enough right before the wacky comedy, this movie will be like, but seriously, you're going to go to hell if you believe.

All right. Well, I guess the shit pile scene in Jurassic Park has nothing on this flick. So we're going to take a quick break to dogber upper lips with Vapo Rub and when we come back we'll dive into all the extinct lines of thought that are The truth about dinosaurs Hey kids. Hey, I'm he I'm not heath and I'm also not he And we're... Lying to kids. Today, on Lying to Kids, did you know a bear will eat you for making fun of a bald guy? That's a scientific fact. Hey Noah, what's up Eli?

What's red and white and fireproof? I don't know. What? Those with enough faith and in God's favor. Ha ha ha ha, that is a fact. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ed? Is that my turn, Ed? Because we're lying to kids. Was that Mystic River? Yes, now? Yep.

Okay. Really? Back to big. And we're back for the breakdown and just to answer any questions about production quality nice and early, we're going to start off with a dude in a dinosaur suit as mob made him standing below a street sign that couldn't look more amateur unless they ran out of room for the last few letters. Okay, and what happens is he's standing there in the dinosaur suit and a guy in a limo,

like stops and rolls down the window. And I was like, if this guy picks up a dinosaur hooker at the beginning of this movie, I am in. Well, they get really close to that right, because they're doing the dumb and dumb, or a bit, which means the dude in the back is trying to fuck the dinosaur. And they're clearly copying dumb and dumb or they copy several things right here dumb and the guy looks just like fucking Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels got fused together. Harry Lloyd the fuck by corn had an incest Amish man, baby with giant gap tooth. It's fun. Also, could I point out that just like as he pulls over, he's like, hey, where's the dinosaur

museum? And I'm like assuming the dinosaur would know that is so fucking racist, so racist. It will be the last time. So the dinosaur gives him directions and we get the subtitles to dinosaur language. And by the way, this guy's not even fucking trying, right? The dinosaur noises are me. Anyway, I want to point out that this is a tiny moment, but the first direction that the dinosaur gives is stay straight.

And I paused on that because my wife is bringing me something to eat. And she looked up and she's like, are you watching a gay conversion video for alligators? That is no less ridiculous than what you're watching. Yeah, exactly. Not at all. I would love to watch a gay conversion video for alligator. About equally scientifically accurate. We'll be watching something. Just stay around.

All right, started to mention it already real quick. Can we talk about the gap tooth? Is like we deal with some pretty big gap tooth over the course. Yes. So, but this was insane. My notes here are just gap to gap. I want to put my dick in there. It's ridiculous. His upper gums have a clip.

I guarantee there's a clip right there. You need a god to explain this toothpaste. Michael straight hand just comes plowing through the gap. Yeah. All right. So now we're on a pier and it's time for us to meet disciple Dan. Right. And I thought because he unpacks his guitar case super duper slowly, I was like, and

suicide bombers. It was definitely that quality of video. That's what you expected. Yeah. So he opens up his guitar case and he's got a show far in there. This is the second time we've gotten the show far, show for crossover in a movie, by the way. I don't know if you noticed. Yeah, because he blows the show far and the show for comes. Yeah. Did that happen in another movie too? Yeah. Maybe you weren't there for that one. It was

one of the, uh, a genie must movies. Yeah. Oh, I'm, did I miss one of those? I might have missed. If you don't, if you don't still have the sound of a fucking show for ringing through your ear. That's why I didn't understand that one I saw. I missed the one with the show for. Yeah, right, right. That's what it is. Also, we should point out here that during these little credits over him blowing the show for,

they keep doing like the Lord Almighty presents and produced by the Holy Spirit, A.D. Jesus Christ. And like the ninth time I do it, I was like, okay, seriously, would no one put their name on this movie? Yeah. Well, yeah, just in case you're thinking something might be saying here. All right, so yeah, so we have the little scene where he blows the show far for no fucking reason.

That's the credits. And now the narrator tells us he's gonna answer us a few basic questions about dinosaurs. For example, who created the dinosaurs? What did they eat? And does it really matter? Yeah, good. Those were those are my only questions. So that's good. Also, by the way, it would be who created the dinosaur? No. What did that mean? Food. And does it even really matter? Yes.

We're done. We're done. We're probably hurtful. So it's all fine. Lots of great children's education begins with, doesn't even really matter. And what is true? Yeah. Right.

Also, when he said who created the dinosaurs, I just wrote in my notes, please be Satan. Please be Satan. We're just writing down the questions going, oh just wrote in my notes, please be Satan. Please be Satan. We're just writing down the questions going, huh, one of these is not like the others. So yeah, so after they list the question, he goes, but how do we determine the truth? I'm like, oh, it's a person. I know this one. Also, by the way, there's still a few more credits happening during the scene and we get special thanks to Ray Comfort.

Yep. He will show up, by the way and we get special thanks to Ray Comfort. Yeah. He will show up, by the way, we'll get there very exciting. But at this point, I'm thinking like, okay, 50, 50, a dinosaur fucks itself with a banana to make a point during this, this movie. And it's close. I think we have that movie coming. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So yeah, so they're trying to do, like, how do we determine the truth?

He goes, do we start by taking man's word? And he says, man with all the loathing of bames, dad, you know, and he says, or do we take guts word? That's the whole thing that that's the fucking hypothesis of this film. You know, are you going to trust a bunch of scientists and lab coats or the Lord almighty? Yeah, just driving next to your stepdad. Who are you going to listen to? Sim, fucking teacher at your school or business? Yeah. Right old fashioned dad. They say you can't drive when you're drunk, but I drive better. See? Hands off the wheel. And of course, this is where all of the 37 guys who got together to do this all

have to do the reservoir dog thing together. Oh my God. I know that there was a day where they were like, Hey, do you guys all have a mortifiably embarrassing thing you could do to start the movie? 100% of you, that's cool. Yeah, each of them gets there like 15 minutes of fame to do something wacky, but they can't even walk nor like they can't do the The slow motion reservoir dogs walk. It's just walking and they can't say hey, can you guys just like fucking walk? This is normal reservoir dogs reservoir dogs. I'm eating my tie Just even the space you guys do your inside each other don't right?

God, I also got confused because like they were doing wacky stuff. So I was like, am I making fun of them? Are they making fun of them? Yeah, that's infinite loop. Yeah. Yeah. So each of them goes through their wacky little move and then they get to the dead end at the end.

They're like, where were we even walking? It's like the credits or something. I don't know. And they had to ADR everyone being like, what happened? Did we get to the end? Because they're like fucked up being like, what? They're like, wow, we got to end. No, cut, God, we're going to look at tomorrow. Everybody say what happened. The line was what happened. Why happened? All right. So now it's time for we're going to have a series of questions in this movie each followed by a few like man on the street videos that

they got all of them by the way at the creation museum. So the first question is are dinosaurs in the Bible? Now we start off with a bunch of kids on the streets saying no, dinosaurs aren't in the Bible, but then the guy from the Institute for creation research steps in to set us straight. Well, but also one guy in the park or wherever they are actually says yes, but he's not sure because he doesn't want to like offend the guy. He's like, no, yes. I believe. Hell Hitler.

Sorry. Sorry. I felt like you were going to do it the same time. One, two, three, whatever you're saying right now. Right. Let's talk about the guy from the ICR, the Institute of Creation Research, because he's like, because obviously the answer to are their dinosaurs in the Bible is inverse, blabberty, blabberty, blabberty, blabberty, it says, and God said, look, of a loss of raptor,

right? So he goes, as with all of the ICR interviews, he goes, okay, so here's the thing. All right. Everybody being let out and cussed from a TGI Friday. All right, hear me out. Hear me out. She said, I could call, and then my friend, call Philip. Call Philip.. Yeah.

Yeah. The public. Tory what had happened was he says behemoth dragons, tanning him, obviously all of those biblical references meant dinosaur. Otherwise, this book is completely foolish. Shit. So and and then they have the like I guess they were going for comedy, where it was supposed to be that there were 23 references in the Bible that said that there were dinosaurs, but they're all dressed as referees

because they read it wrong or something. And there's 24 refs in the shop. They counted. They were really counted wrong. I did. So yeah, and then all the referees agree that no, there are dinosaurs in the Bible because, you know, when he said behemoth, I mean, what has doors on its face? Dinosaurs.

Obviously. Right. And now a man who very clearly sells furniture is here to tell us that secular education is a lie to us. Yeah, by notes, just say, now a lot of people believe dinosaurs aren't the is here to tell us that secular education is aligned to us. Yeah, by notes, just say, now a lot of people believe dinosaurs are the Bible because secular lives and bullshit, asteroids don't burn that hot. Yep.

We trick kids into believing dinosaurs are for millions of years ago, us secular educators. Yep. And then we profit. Are you guys having checks? no, it's it's all going to pay off with the Jurassic Park tickets. Um, and then it's time for a fake Jew. Oh, this is the setting. The fuck decided to do this. Oh, I will tell you exactly how this happened. Someone said, you know, Dave does a great Jew. Dave, you got to do your Jew in the movie. You got to give me the hat though. You got to give me the hat. I'll get you the hat. Oh, this is a man who is dressed as a Jew for Halloween. And we've done a handful of movies now that have that

that have the like hobby lobby costume of the Jew for Halloween should be a bingo square from now on. That's what this guy's using. Yeah. Oh, it is and it's as offensive as you can possibly make it. And he's just here to establish that no, the Bible makes it very clear that dinosaurs were created on day six because it says on day six, all the land animals were created. And those are dinosaurs. To which the not Jewish gentleman goes, ah, ah, ah, ah, it is, I didn't think it was possible

for me to be like offended as a Jew anymore, but I like to play and started doing to fill in. I was like, no, Mujou for the next 12 minutes because of this movie. This guy had like pay us on his pay us. Like it was over the top. Oh, it was so bad. All right. And now we're going to learn all about the guy who coined the term dinosaur. That was Richard Owen back in 1841.

And they show a picture of Richard Owen, who is so obviously an evil wizard. Who is it? Google Richard Owen right now. That guy's a wizard, right? I mean, cool that he worked at a museum in his spare time, but he also very clearly cursed the Danes or something. Yeah, and then so we say, yeah, this guy coined this term in 1841 and then suddenly Ray comfort is there. Look his lickable little face. And Ray, of course, is here to say, well, just look at Job 40, 15. If anything's going to make us look sane, it's Job 40, 15.

Right. And we've heard this apologetic before, which is that he thinks that they're, it's not a hippo. People always talk about this thing that's being described in Job as a hippo. And he's like, it's not a hippo because the tail's small. And it's actually, it's a dick joke. But what's amazing is that Ray Comfort has now dedicated a tremendous amount of his media presence to not getting a dick joke. Yeah. Yeah. disamount of his media presence to not getting a dick joke.

Yeah. Yeah. This is about a hippo with an erection. The verse is like it has a tail like a cedar and has strength in his lines. It's clearly a hippo with an erection and that that's Ray's whole thing. Like can we talk about who? who is the guy who wrote the book of Job who was dealing with sexually aroused hippos? That's my question about this. Like, that should be a movie. Yeah. Well, it couldn't be worse than this.

So, or ready player one. So then we see a cartoon dude riding on a purple broad of sores. And this is going to, this is like, they're trying to sell this image, right? They're trying to sell this is a thing that happened. Dinosaurs tilling the fields and whatnot. Right. And the movie becomes self-aware because the guy turns to Camin. He's like, well, this could never happen. And the dinosaurs like, fuck you, day six.

And he's like, wait, what? Right. And they, and they're just really drilling into this. Well, the behemoth in the book of Job, obviously, couldn't have been an elephant or a hippo because they don't have tails like cedars. And I'm like, but dinosaurs, powers don't come from their navel. You know, like, it's not like it now matches the goddamn script. How about this is bullshit scribblings of pre-scientific mythology. That fixes everything. And then we get this scene with the scientist, right?

So we get this like, I am a vacky scientist. There's no ways that dinosaurs existed at the same time as humans and he's like, hey, what if I hit you in the head with a frying pan? Oh, and I wrote my notes here, oh, it's literally just wacky images to distract from how much they did not just address that question. Yeah, right. Right. Exactly. Yeah, instead of going down the list of, you know, the mountains of scientific evidence against them, it's time for wacky dinosaur jokes. Also, which dinosaurs have a tail like a cedar

tree? Isn't that the point they're making? Have they not seen trees? I don't understand. Well, how, how's that like these archaeologists found dinosaur tails right next to human beings in a cedar forest? Yeah, right. I'm just imagining a dinosaur whose tail sticks straight up like that. Yeah, I don't think I don't think we found that dude yet. So now it's time for some silly dinosaur jokes. Now we didn't know at this point that like 20% of this movie was gonna be made up of these wacky little dinosaur jokes. So at first I was fairly forgiving. That ends soon. So at first, I was fairly forgiving that end soon. We should also point out that now that they know, because of course they made the movie that 20% of this movie is just jokes, not all of which are originally about dinosaurs

that they just make into dinosaur jokes. They must add coloring to these jokes so that the kids won't get bored. And one of the colorings that they add in this first scene is a guy tells a joke while lying on his back and eating an entire box of doughnut. What was that? I mean, they were crispy creams. So like, I'm listening, but, right, but you do that at home. He's like, unless I go into your room after 8 p.m., I don't have to see that. But someone was like, you know what would be funny if I'm just sitting here, oh, there were many problems.

I'm like, crum, I don't need to give a, crum, they were like hilarious, keeping that. Yeah. I feel like what they asked about, like, who has any funny walks? Dave was like, well, I don't have any walks, but I can eat donuts really fast, like medium. I can eat a medium. Medium fast. Yeah. By the way, we watch him eat three donuts after he gives the punchline to this terrible joke. All right. Okay. I don't see how three. No one should have to go through that unless they're sitting next to Heath

on a plane. There you go. How many donuts do you eat at a time? Well, I mean, after I tell a joke on video, zero. It's a rule I have. All right. So now it's time for Sean and Dan to enter the picture. These two will cut in periodically to teach us specific facts about real dinosaurs. And they don't

actually, you know, they don't want to fuck this thing up with knowledge or anything. So mostly it's just jokes, but they do like occasionally say something true about the size of a bone or something. But it's something that you could do if someone handed you a bone, right? It's they never say anything interesting. They just like, well, if you think this is cool, look, Stegosaurus has had these fucking things. This is also where they established their catch phrase, which is, and that's what we call a bad thing. That's their catch phrase. That's not a cat. They talk like they coined bad thing, like they coined that phrase. It's not, that's not a cat. They talk like they coined bad thing like they coined that phrase. It's not that's nothing. Oh my. But they season to cis letter for using bad

thing from them. So badly. Oh shit. All right. So yeah. So we learn a little bit about actual dinosaurs, but stupidly. And then at the very end, they go and we really love the apatikas who were going like alphabetically here or whatever they're they like, we really love the apatisaurus and're going like alphabetically here or whatever they look. We really love the apatosaurus and the brachiosaurus, but there's one thing about them that we sure don't like. They're Jewish. Yeah, it's a race. They marry outside of their race.

But no, but this is the suspense, right? They're going to go, they say, but we'll tell you about that later. And then after they give the obvious closing line, they have the whole joke about, well, we were going to do the ABCs and we only got through B. What about the chicken is so, or is because we have to make time for that jumping? Right. It's like like someone put them at gunpoint in front of the camera and was like six more minutes right? Yeah, and I hate these guys so fucking much. They're the war like I don't have I Like I want to like raptors to attack them from either side. Oh, be amazing.

These are the guys who would come to your school and whatever presentation they gave, I would try that thing the following day. I'd be like, all right, smoking. Here we go. Nope, I'm not those guys. So this is, oh, I'm going to throw up, but I'm going to go guys. So they were fucking awful. We'll have many chances to hate them as this goes on.

All right. So now we go to the famous dyno prince in Glen Rose, Texas. And we get like this movie seems to so often almost get there, right? Like because the guy here says, if these footprints are millions a years old, the Bible's wrong. And I just wanted the camera to keep running until he starts crying. Oh, there was a terrifying pause there for a second. Yeah, sure, sure, but it was like he just started panicking for like during those two say he starts shitting in his hand throwing it at the camera and cut.

Oh my God. No, no, no. Okay. All right. So then we get our second question with the man on the street answers. This is when did the dinosaurs roam the earth? Obviously. This is, you know, I've seen a lot of man on the street where the camera sort of turns

and it's like, what the heck is this guy talking about except this is a man on the street with a, what is this six year old talking about? But the six year old is right and the camera is wrong. It's like, yeah, millions of years. Can you even count that high? I did. All right, so wait, I brought a clip that I love this so God damn much. I had to pull the clip. Now keep in mind that this little girl is just answering the question when did dinosaurs roam the earth. She doesn't have to destroy the Bible. She doesn't have to go after the Bible

specifically, but she does. All right, so here she is, the most adorable thing ever. 10 million years ago? A long time ago. A couple of million years ago? A very long time ago, even before a man was supposed to hear. In the Bible, it showed that only first people, but that wasn't true because man was came after dinosaurs. It's like, dinosaurs, mammoths, and people that turn nice. And we should point out that we've got that established, right? It's dinosaurs and then it's mammoths and then it's people. But we should establish, or we should also mention that while she's doing this,

they've just got questioned marks popping up on the screen like, what the fuck's up with this bitch? Am I right? Oh, there's like a evil color filter over and like, I'm bound to like evil sound, which is a serial killer's noises. Just got demonized all the sudden. Yeah, right. Right. Show her in negative. Yeah, they do though. They have that weird negative hamper color thing that they do. Yeah. So, pop scares out of the TV for a second. Right. So after this little girl completely destroys their argument, they're like, yeah, fuck, she's talking about. And they move on to this AIG guy who's here to clear up all this evolution nonsense. Yeah. We bring up to Mike Riddle. And I assume he's here to suspend us from high school because that's what it looks like.

You're talking about Joe Biden's short bus born again, Christian brother. Yeah. That's the one. Yeah. Oh, for fuck's sake. And then they do this. Oh, god damn it. This fucking shit pisses me off.

They do this bit. This is the only thing that AIG has, right? So the guy comes up and he says, you know, they found a complete T-Rex skeleton that had some preserved hemoglobin and soft tissue. That's impossible with fossilization. Yeah, look, it's so weird the way they say it to them, like we under this T-Rex, but the bones were fresh. What? What? What? What? Like, was there a date? Found a fresh bone. Those are the ribs you got from Applebee's did. No. Okay. Ray comforts.

Stix's finger in the bone and licks it. He's been dead for hours. That's a divorce. Give it a give it a give it a give it a give it a give. And during this part, I love the angle switching. They do. Oh, yeah. There's one guy talking and they change angles like 15 different times for no every new sentence was like, Oh, hello.

I didn't see you there to my east. I was just talking about how we found a cell phone in this tarot actles pocket. Like, I want to throw out a quick nugget of science here because the stuff that they're saying is kind of true, like they're getting the implications of it completely wrong, but preserve soft tissue or traces of it were found in T. Rex skeletons on earth on Montana and in a lot of other samples since then. And scientists aren't 100% sure how it survived, but you know, scientists haven't fully explained this does not equal God created dinosaurs, right? Like, like, like, honestly, like, because they're

saying that there's preserved meat, they're exaggerating the fuck out of that. There are like cells and whatnot that anyway, but like, six thousand year old meat also should have rotted, right? So if it turns out that the free radicals of the dinosaurs, iron rich blood was causing proteins and cell membranes to not up and shed both sides still need that I've rotted right? So if it turns out that the free radicals to the dinosaurs, iron rich blood was causing proteins and cell membranes to not up and shed both sides still need that explanation. Right. And to be clear, it's not an alternate theory

that dinosaurs are 20 years old. Like that's not what they're working on with Sue, the T-Rex, they're not like, or 1985, this motherfucker got on his saying, like, bell bottoms and dinosaurs, they were both still right now. I'm just throwing that out. But you said we put all the ideas on the whiteboard.

We put your thing about radical Islamic something freezing freezers using Islam to do the dinosaurs. Some people mind. Yeah. And this segment ends with another one of those like abrupt. We have nothing left to say endings. It's just like, okay, so in summation, we found a dinosaur with exactly the type of cells that animals have. That's why Dave backed you.

Right. Yeah, no, right straight into some more clever dinosaur jokes. And now it's time for this weird England skit. Yeah, boy, she, they nailed those, those accents, didn't they? Oh, man, it is rough. And we should talk about the entire point of this scene is, I think we will call these dragons a dinosaur. And again, it's all based on the idea that like dragons and dinosaurs are interchangeable. That's all they're doing with this nine minute eternally boring sketch with the night outfits they stole from the natural history museum. It is just nine. It is insane. It's insane. Right. And the point they're trying to make is, well, they couldn't have talked about dinosaurs in the King James version of the Bible,

because the word didn't exist till 1841. So obviously when they said dragon, they meant the dinosaurs that roamed the earth in 1611. Yes, that's exactly what they are spending five minutes establishing. You know how descriptions of dragons match perfectly with the dinosaurs we found so far? No, you don't. Yeah, me either. Yeah, and also, by the way, at the end, it goes like, uh, they have this little funny disclaimer. They're like, this is only a skit. It's not intended as a historical whatever. That's it. And so it just skits you miserable fox. You don't get to call that

shit a skit. Yeah, just because it ends doesn't make it a skit. 9-11 wasn't a skit and neither was well, that's kind of a flash mob. All right. And now more great jokes. all right. And now more great jokes. The way they position these jokes and set them up makes me feel insane and terrible, right? Because the guys always got to like slide down a slide or come out of a field of dirt or like suddenly there's a scene from it shinlers list when they're shooting hands on the kids and then the guy explodes that in the back of that little girl's head. He just popped up out of my mouth. Stacked it out. But I wasn't pressed.

They managed to bring some racism into this scene. Yeah, what the fuck was that? He's talking about the T-Mex joke. Yeah. Oh my God. And also the T. Rex brain fossil. Yeah. Did they think that was a brain bone? Did they obviously think they had a brain bone? They definitely thought they had a brain bone because they're like they hold up the size of the teeth and then they hold up this fucking fossil and say and

look at the size of its brain. I'm like, no, wait a minute. That's a rock. You have a rock. Start counting the dimples on the rock. This is why the T-Rex was so fast and why Jackie Robinson was so good at baseball. No, no, one of the things. This was a Mexican tiranosaurus because the dimples T-Rex was stupid. Only use 10% of its tiny little brain. only use 10% of its tiny little brain. One of like T. Rex Stephen Hawking to roll in just like raw, raw. All right. Yeah. And of course, they tell us all about T. Rex, but then they are, they're like, but there's

something about him that we don't like too. We won't tell you about that until the, you know, the rally at the secret society. I don't think I need to mention it. It's, it's names. So we're still building suspense on that. Right. At this point, there were so many bad puns. I just wrote in my notes. I think we found the movie that's going to hurt Heath the most ever pun again. Great. Nah, it's awesome. It's my thing. One guy. Let's reinforce that. And you all so quit. Super happy like that. Food. Love these ramen. Ramen. Yep. That's cool. All right. Well, since stream of consciousness

doesn't lend itself to act breaks, I guess we can stop here. But first, I want to give the second half of this thing a hard sell. Why did the Stegosaurus cross the road? Why did the velociraptor throw his butter dish out the window? What do you get when you cross a pranosaurus with a pony? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the local card dealership commercial antics of the truth about dinosaurs. Wait, what do you get? Would you cross the pranosaurus with a pony? You'll never know. You have to tell me. Show me your dick. That's...

Ha ha. Hi, I'm Tony D. Is your barely disguised propaganda lacking that certain Jouh Nusseq, huh? Then come on down to Tony D's wacky sound effects warehouse where we can turn your series of incredibly dangerous and poisonous ideas into a series of bright colors and sounds that might be mistaken for children's entertainment. Just listen to these satisfied customers.

I used to stay outside the supermarket, scream as slurs of people, but ever since I got some wacky sound effects at Tony D's sound effects warehouse, I remain on the property considerably longer. Thanks, warehouse, I remain on the property considerably longer. Thanks, Tony D. We got whistles, we got horns, we got xylophones and drunks, and we can turn this. And remember kids, that's why you go to hell, believe in dinosaurs. Into this.

And remember kids, that's why you'll go to hell if you believe in dinosaurs. That was way less terrifying, right? So come on down to Tony D's wacky sound effect warehouse where your customers will say, wait, what did he just say before the slide whistle? I said there are a bunch of motherf***ing holes. Okay, let's get you a tuba. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yep. Now, to get there, we're going to start off in the Dino lab where one guy is going to play one of the damn crazy evolutionists with all airwacky bullshed about dinosaurs not living among us. Right. And the actual argument here is nobody has ever seen a living dinosaur.

Will have you talked to everyone in the world? No. Got you. Get fucked. Yep. Yep. That's the whole bit. Oh, yeah. Like a cosmic teapup.

I was like, I'm just like throw water in his face and that boy. Stupid. Yeah. And of course, now we have to get our man on the street. Has anyone ever seen a living dinosaur bit? And no, they haven't. They haven't. Yeah.

Literally everyone agrees that no one has ever seen a dinosaur. Right. But then of course, the AIG guy comes on. The answers to Genesis guy comes on and he says, well, as far as we know, they're extinct, but we have a checked everywhere. Yeah, he literally begins his counter argument with, well, let me rephrase the question.

Yes, he does. No one is ever going to give you a good answer after they say that, by the way, just a little pro tip to take home. If you say like, Hey, I have a yes or no question for you. And they go, let me rephrase that. You go, Oh, okay. So the answer's no. There are times when people ask you such a loaded question, you have to do that.

I disagree with Eli's takeaway, but you know, um, see this is what we do when we fight. This is how we fight on the show. Hard. Um, man, is he we do when we fight. This is how we fight on the show. Hard. Um, man, because you got to fight at the movie theater. Also, I did. There was no one to get to a fight when he kept it was just gentleman. differently able to know what bought him. You just, and this is why we don't fight on the show. All right. So yeah. And again, this weird moment of self-awareness where it's like, well, if the Bible is true, then humans did live alongside the dinosaurs.

Hold on. Hold on. Never mind. Never mind. Is what? Bible is true. So my job is to find data that matches, which is called, exactly. I'm a scientist.

He gets so close to the truth here. It's amazing. He's like, if the Bible's not wrong, no, never mind. That's a Bible really makes my job more different. Yeah, right. He did. He did a lot.

He did. He did. He did. A lot. He did. He did. He did. He did. He did. He did. He did. Perfect word of godting. Sitting in a table next to real scientists just eating his lunch alone. You guys got a bunch of facts over there.

Cool. Nobody likes you. You know, there's two kinds of history. Yeah, speaking of which, now it's time for the dinosaur news update. With Eric Hobind. Yep. Very exciting. Yeah, were they starting to say stuff like, well, you know, state with Eric Hobind. Yep. Very excited. Yeah. Where they started to say his stuff like, well, you know, Alexander, the great sod dragons. So you know, and Marco Polo.

Yeah. Also, Marco Polo, whose descriptions of everything he saw are so obviously bullshit. He also so magic. Yeah. He also saw a guy just like put his fist through a guy's face and then pull out a brain and be like and they're just showing us toys like it's real stuff. They're just like Arkeo just found this well it this shoe box diorama show Alexander the great punching a dragon in the face but that's what happened. Yeah, it's obviously, it's true.

Babylonians carved it into walls. How could it not be true? Also, the Epic of Gilgamesh totally is 100% accurate. I don't know if you knew that or not. At this point, I wrote, oh, okay, do these people think big foot is real? What about unicorns? And I was kidding, but they think the Loch Ness monster is real. Yeah, just as I'm thinking to myself, wow, this has a real aliens built the pyramids vibe to it.

They hand us over to their cryptozoologists. Bob, Bob, the cryptozoologist was like, well, obviously, there's dinosaurs or the Loch Ness monster would be bullshit. And if there's dinosaurs or the Loch Ness Monster would be bullshit. And if there's a Loch Ness Monster, the, the Bible is, did I lose an index card? I need to, and no one mentioned this very briefly, but one of their pieces of evidence is that there's drawing on pottery of dinosaurs. Yep. Yeah. What? Everything that's been drawn is real.

That's a rule. That's what we're watching. Well, right, also, dinosaurs still exist in the world today. Aterosaur lives in St. Louis, this movie. Yeah, I just found a post it with Jesus blowing three dudes. I'm just saying, this movie needs to ask everyone in the world what they've seen drawn. Yeah, right. Before they make any draw picture of myself fucking Eric Hovine's wife. He's like, you son of a bitch.

I'm killing you. I'm killing you. I just need to stick figures with like labels. I love it. All right. So now we have to hear from Frank Sherwin, another guy in smart close to think dinosaurs exist in the world with us now. And he gives us a little hint in his first sentence here that he's a crazy person.

He opens his statement by saying, dinosaurs and the Bible go together like politics and corruption. Just so you know not to take anything he says seriously. Right. Dinosaurs live as mongas and the government is out to get you. It's like Jews and gold? No, not the same. It's corruption. Okay. That's the best that's going to get. Jews and the followers. No, still no. All right. So, okay. And then we have to introduce dinosaur petroglyphs.

Okay. I have to talk about this example they give is this thing and I don't remember it's in Utah, I think, and they say it looks like a broad source, but it only looks like that because there are mud stains over the original petroglyph that look like feet. Right. It was very obviously just it's like the nostril in the face on Mars. If you've ever seen the image of the face on Mars and you're like, wow, there's a nostril. No, that's just a spot where the data on Mars. If you've ever seen the image of the face on Mars and you're like, wow, there's a nostril. No, that's just a spot where the data was missing. That's an artifact from the picture. And people are like, well, look at the nostril. That's the

same fucking thing they're doing with this petroglyph. Also, think about what they put in the movie. They don't go petroglyphs look like this. They go, I read a book about a petrog didn't have a picture and described it. Not thought that might fucking work. So I went, I found it. Most of them, they're a fucking no show. You'd think you saw a dinosaur. You might put it in more than one petri-glive,

but it turns out here's the thing. There's one that kind of, if you really twist your eyes a bit, it's like the ship in Moritz, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, that's as good as carbon dating. Just the shapes and the draw a coloring book. Are you talking about? It was a color. Well, yeah, yeah.

It also had mazes though. It wasn't just a couple of things in lines as you can see. Unsolvable and possible mazes. Yeah. Bob our Brinkman gave me one. So this was Dennis Swift by the way. So he cites a book that he can't name with descriptions of images that weren't pictures that are unmistakably dinosaurs carved by pre-Columbian Americans. And then we go to an ad for a dinosaur park in California. Now, there will be three ads remaining in this film,

but nothing distinguishes them from the other scene. So it's just like, you're like, is this an, are we in an, we're in an ad? I don't know, we're in a local access cable commercial for like a less successful version of Ken Ham's thing. Yes. It's impressive. Hey guys, do you like dinosaurs?

We built two giant dinosaurs. And that is really it. It is two statues and we bother your kids. Yeah. I thought they needed a theme song. That was exciting. It was like dinosaurs, dinosaur, Spider-Man. Okay.

No. Fresh print. Nope. No. Fresh print. No. All right. And now Sean and Dan are back to teachers about the Stegosaurus, right? They got to show us the plates and the horns and whatnot. And I have a personal story that I need to interject here because my wife, Noah, and to a certain extent, heath their DOS people. Now there's most of the world, their DOS people, dinosaurs, oceans and space. Most of the world, they care a little bit about some of those things, dinosaurs, oceans and space. And then there's about

1% of the population that doesn't care about any of those things. Me, I don't care about dinosaurs, don't care about the oceans, don't care about space. But my wife loved dinosaurs and she's also self-educated. So this is where she sat down to watch this movie with me and proceeded to scream over the breast in a homicidal rage. She sat down, she was sitting watching for two seconds before she screamed, is this a fever tree? And began pedantically correcting everything Sean and Dan had to say. Now of course, they love Stegosaurus, Sean and Dan, but there's one thing they hate about him, and they'll tell you about that at the end of the, uh, at the end of the movie. All right. So now

it's time to shit on fossil evidence for a bit. This is where he goes, like, most information about dinosaurs come from fossils and that's bullshit because they don't have words in them. At least the Bible has words in it. Yeah, fossils can't talk, therefore the Bible is more accurate. Yep. And this is where they do the dinosaurs didn't eat meat. They plant, they show iguanas and monkeys that eat vegetables, even though they have teeth. I felt like it was about to leave a PETA meeting.

I was like, okay, here we go. Now, I'm fine. I'll probably eat corn, I guess. No, it was pumpkins. That's why I had to have such big jaws. I've actually heard that from creationists before. That's why it's such a good because you had to cut through the whole pumpkin. Yeah, they really say that. But also like, do they think that scientists think that dinosaurs were all carnivorous? What, what, what are they refuting here? And also like, what are we, but like, haha, I was vegetables, killed this game. How, why are we jumping? Do we lose? Who lost? Just cut over to like an atheist tearing out that chapter from the God delusion about

carnivorous dinosaurs. Weeping uncontrollably. What? Yeah. And what was the thing they were so they're saying that there's no information in fossils. Yeah, because they can't because talk. They can't talk. And it's just like, hello, fossil like hello, Newman, like they're. Yeah, because they can't because talk. They can't talk. And it's just like,

hello, fossil, like hello, Newman, like they're angry. Yeah, I was just pictured like Darwin and a fossil at brunch after a fight. Just kind of silent and mad at each other. And then like shroud of turn and Ray comfort at the next table, deciding science to each other. I'll take the check. Of course he will. Stop it, fossil, stop it. You're somewhere public. And then quite out of the blue. Okay. So this is another ad. But again, we don't know that. So just out of the blue, the movie goes, is there really a god? I'm like, what? What? But no, this is an ad for answers in Genesis, again, but nothing distinguishes it from the rest of the movie.

And see if you can tell one of these questions from the other. Here they are. I'll do them in order. Is there really a God? Why is there death and suffering? What happened to the dinosaurs? Where did the races come from? And then where did Kane get his wife? No, back up, back up.

Hold on. I was once. Talk about the races. I want to hear what we talked about the races. Do they rank the races at the art park? Because we've got to go. There's no way there's not a ranking that they had. They're like, well,

no, it's well, they rank you on the way in a different color arm band. Parking the parking lots. They're separate, but equal. Welcome. My arm band has a yellow star on it. Shut up, shut up. Nothing. It's because you're just gold star gold star. It's so good. First of place. So yeah. So we get an ad for the creationist museum. And then we get a skit that's supposed to take place outside Noah's Ark, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And my caption for this scene, so we write little things in our notes here so I can cue the scene. And I just wrote the guy Noah got in a fight in at the theater scene to himself. Just like, I'm a marathon.

I didn't get into a fight with anyone in a theater. He's making that out. This show was there. Two votes. So we've got two, I guess of Noah's lackeys trying to decide whether they can bring the dragons onto the arc. And what they're wearing is the greatest thing. So the people who made this movie had to be like, okay, so what did Jewish people look like back in the day? Just, you know, shout it out, whatever you think, uh, farmer, the pilgrim, cabbie, chase spear. Yeah. Got it nailed it.

Now that's it. Pused those. Yeah. Stance or last answer. And the argument seems to be they can't fit the dragons. Of course, they can fit these several million types of insects. That's fine. But the the dragons, there's like not room.

Well, but no, it's even dumber than that. They're refuting the argument that dinosaurs weren't capped on the arc because they were too big. Right. And they're like, no, no, they could have just brought baby dinosaurs. So in the end, they do decide to bring bring the dragons on the boat. Otherwise, where would the Loch Ness monster come from? Oh, it's a water dwelling. This doesn't make sense if they live in what never mind. Yeah. Right. They're saying the dinosaur egg is the size of a foot, so they could have just had a bunch

of like football size dinosaur eggs. Yeah. I wasn't really focused on like the logistics of dinosaur to arc size or that time on that though, didn't they? You could grip the egg by the hot snow. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Mark Furman's a racist. Doesn't matter.

It's not. It's also this weird moment where he goes, take a pink one and a blue one, you know, and then sort of like turn us to camera and it's like, for fucking. Right. It's a weird moment. This is also where we learned that everybody ate vegetables. Nobody ate me until the flood. Boom. Well, until the fall of man and then they reset it at the Jesus Christ. Also,

at the end of this skit, these two guys that are talking like it starts to rain and they close up the arc and then these guys die in the global genocide and they play this as a tee-hee moment. Right? Like, oh, a global genocide and they play this as a tee he moment. Right? Like, oh, global genocide, I get it. I hear we're getting a shower at this camp. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM Wift comes in, he was the guy who was telling us about the dinosaur petroglyph earlier. He's going to explain that dinosaurs have to be real because of the five categories of lizards that the Greeks use. The ancient Greek size. And then he lists them. And it's just like alligators, turtles, umami, regular ones, and fucking dragons down.

That's it. Because if there's one place we like to go for accurate information about biology, it's the ancient Greeks. Yeah. So everything the Greeks said was correct. You got sure. Right. You want to crack open a little play.

Oh, talk about the man boy relationship. From the people that brought you flies come from meat, co. They're in proof of dinosaurs. So and then we get some more of those high brow dinosaur jokes. And we should point out like they don't have enough dinosaur jokes to fit this. So they're just sticking dinosaurs into random, like, like literally the broad-dissourced crosses the road at one point. Yeah, I wanted them just to do jujokes, right? And it's like, ah, fuck the bees. It's just

the hobbies said the Stegosaurus. And now Sean and Dan must teach us about the triceratops. Cause you know, those are the dinosaurs, right? The Apatosaurus, the Brachiosaurus, the Stegosaurus, the Tyranosaurus, and eventually we'll get to the velociraptor. But they, they should do like the triceratops, but there's one thing about them that they don't like. And also, by the way, they, they have a little like with each one of them, they ended on

a little joke like, look at the size of the tyrantosaurus must have been really hard for him to eat gently or what out, you know, like, oh, must have been really hard for him to get in the school bus because he was so big, you know, yeah. And then the one on this one is that like if you were a triceratops, it'd be hard to kiss your mom good night. Yeah. And just a weird moment. There's like, if you tried to kiss your mom with a horn on your face, she wouldn't fuck you. We're in Kentucky. This guy knows what I'm talking about. He does. Who's drinking tonight? So now we get to the big question, right? The one we've all been waiting for, what happened to the dinosaurs? And we get some man on the street and I just, there's one guy I would love to hear him

expound on his theory of the end of time because he goes, well, the axis of the earth turned around and the dinosaurs couldn't, couldn't keep up. Oh my god, they fell off. Yeah, right. Yeah, but no, this is also where the AIG guy is going to smack down the KT boundary and all that meteor bullshit. He literally opens this by going, well, if you look at the real history Bible in quotes,

yeah, it's the flood. Yeah, and look, he does point out some genuine problems in the theory that the bet meter took out all the dinosaurs, right? So like, yes, there are holes in the theory. And yes, there are like scientists still working to refine it and everything. But again, all they're doing is poking holes. They're not trying to refute evidence that shows the earth to be significant, significantly older than they say. They don't present any positive evidence for their say they just show the fuzzy edges of the scientific theories and give them no context. And to be fair, those scientific theories are looking for answers. They're not looking.

It's not just like fuck you Brian, look at this. I shout on your paper. No, it's not how science works. What do you think happened? No, no, just tears it and put it into a shredder. Good No, but that's Brian out like Frank Sherwin cuts in one more time to tell us what he thinks happens. He goes catastrophe, he's cause extinctions. Global floods are catastrophes. I'm done. I'm done now talking scientists don't agree on all the things. So not science wins exactly the earth started pointing down and the fell. And now it's not what they said.

Blood rush to the brains then you see it. They had little brains so they went just pop. I also disproved gender studies just now. I don't know. I also know. I'm actually quote, okay. The guys says now these are not scientific evidences, of course, but they're legal historical evidence.

It's like the end of an argument between me and Noah. He's trying to get me out of the driver's seat of the car. I do not have scientific evidence. I have witness testimony. What other types of evidence can you name? Legal historical outlaw future evidence. A chaotic evil. Seaman is this evidence.

Dragons. Dragons. Greek scribblings. All right. And now we get another ad. This ad is my favorite thing ever. This is where Ray comfort shows up and he goes, if I was to offer you, oh, what you have to do in the Ray comfort voice, obviously, if I was to offer you a fistful of diamonds or a glass of fresh clean water, what would you choose? Probably the do-iments. And by the way, he's miming diamonds here

because he doesn't have any diamonds. But if you were starving in the desert, your lips are cracked. You see the sun bearing down on your naked chest. You notice that you're not wearing a bra for some reason. You just get a shirt for your pale strong body. And I offer you a cool glass of water. What would you do for that glass of water? And then anything,

quite suddenly, he's out in the escalator. And it's fucking hilarious. I love the year. The Kirk Cameron thing. Well, the fact that first of all, Ray Comfort just started sinking out of frame with no explanation. What the fuck was going? Caravan might as well step out of a centrifuge and just watch him spin it.

It's so jarring. All of a sudden he's on an escalate like wanted to like bump heads with Donald and Melania going to the other way. Are you? What are you guys doing? So propaganda cool. Same. But that just yeah, right.

But just to make this even more ridiculous as he goes down his escalator We pan over to another escalator where Kirk Cameron's on his way up But he's like miles away Started talking way too early for us to see him. So it's like, anyway, you're going to burn in hell. Here's some puppets. Yeah. You guys didn't think this shot through all the way. No, we're going to meet in the middle and hover and then we'll finish the shot next to each other. No, we get to return the other way. You have to walk against it.

Now we're, uh, cut. You know that as Ray comforts talking like Kurt Cameron's walking backwards on the escalator of the whole time. I have to. There's a tape where he fell down an escalator going up. And if you're that camera man, because I know some extrician movie makers, watch our show and listen to our show. You must send me that footage. I'm okay with you need you to pay. Oh,

he out. Oh, saving Christmas. Oh, he was on And of course, we cut, from, you're going to burn it

hell because you prefer the sparkling diamonds of your sin to dinosaur jokes with little puppets. And we transition. At which point my wife screamed, you besmirched the name of dinosaurs, wrapped herself in a blanket too hard and hurt herself. name of dinosaurs wrapped us up in a blanket too hard and hurt herself. Slap the movie with a glove twice. Yeah, right.

Oh, for fuck's sake, this is also where we see the one guy doing his Velasa Raptor impression in his Velasa Raptor costume. Yeah, and his Velasa Raptor costume in this is a pig mask, a carrot through his ears, and a lizard hat. Why would any of that be a velociraptor? That makes no, yeah, but that's his outfit. And once he put all that shit on, he's like, we're going to need like nine scenes of me running around with the carrot through my ears. Guys, this is fucking hilarious. All right. So now Sean and Dan are here to teach us about the Velociraptor. And they've got some claws and some teeth. It's all horns, claws and

teeth with these assholes. But there's one thing they don't like about him also. And now we're finally going to get their racist screen against dinosaurs. We've been waiting up for the whole time. And it becomes this amazing moment of completely unaware condemnation, self condemnation, right? Because they go like, what I really hate about the dinosaurs is the way people use them to lie to children. But each one of these people, if there's justice in the world, everyone involved in this movie has to chop off a finger in front of me. Right. And then they show every single person in the movie and the entire crew and everybody they could like talk into it with a slice of pizza to say the exact same thing

like this because it's being used to lie to kids. Right. Right. And one of the guys, it was Sean or Dan, whoever it was, the bigger the shorter guy, he's doing both legs while he's reciting this line that ever. And there was definitely an argument about using that both legs. I'm sure ripped. I am. Yeah. And he definitely hurt himself after winning that argument.

You're not doing the both legs. Why not? You're going to get distracted. You get easily just, you're going to hurt yourself. No. No. I'm like, do the hamstand on the Pommel horse. I'm stuck in the wires. I'm choking.

You gotta send it to the lighter weight. Send you a lighter weight. This thing goes up to 400 pounds. No, it offers 400 pounds of resistance. That's not 400 pounds. Why don't I stand the difference? How did you get it looped? I have it looped.

I don't know the lighter setting. You got it. And then all right. And now we get this sad like underweight puppies and cages music. Well, the people in this movie go through some kids books in the bookstore about dinosaurs. And here's the crazy thing. They go through like 20 kids books and they all say that dinosaurs are millions of years old and not once do these characters go or we're wrong. How do you not conclude that you're the one who's wrong? Well, all these books have real truth in them, not t dot r dot you dot t dot h dot. So, so crazy. There's this very serious moment where they turn to the camera and they go, it's one thing to believe a lie, but it's another thing to teach one. The irony was so

thick, it covered my TV screen. Like, it came oozing out of the corners. Well, also, like, they're trying to act like the books that they, that they're looking through that the kids have are not consistent, right? Because they're like, you know, this book says that dinosaurs were born six or lived 65 million years ago, but this book says they will, we're alive 150 million years ago. Yeah, those don't contradict. No, those are just beautiful numbers in the same span when dinosaurs were definitely a lot of 220 million years ago to about 65 million years ago, all the numbers they come up with are in that range. It's telling me he then right was alive in 1985 and 1992. It was your story.

Did you ask all the numbers in between all the real numbers between those years if he was alive in the dot no. All right, so we get a couple of quick takeaway bullet points. One, dinosaurs were created on day six, about 6000 years ago. Two, they lived in the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Three, they did survive the flood. If you like, they'd say something in the Eden story. Oh, and a giant dinosaur, just a little thing. No, nothing. Apparently not. Number four, they were seen by Job. I just want to point out, it doesn't even say in the story that he saw one. God just talked to him about one in the story, right? So even they're even getting that wrong. Also five dragon legends. So check,

mate, fucking atheist, secularist, evolutionists. Yeah, nothing that's correct about science ends with the phrase dragon legends. Nothing, nothing correct. Nothing factually accurate. Ends in the world. Dragon legends. Nope.

I think I can get without. Nothing about legal historical science ends with it either. No. And then there's this bit where they're like, oh, this is so amazing. The guy says, but I guess if dinosaurs were still alive today, the Bible would have to be true. So if we found a living dinosaur, everyone would become a Christian. Yeah. And there's this weird moment here where I pictured a little kid who like loves dinosaurs

getting really excited to find a dinosaur someday. Yep. I just did this tragic image of some kid with a crucifix around his next being like, he'll be me. That's exactly what they're going for there. But then the guy has to cut in, right? The other dude, Dan has to cut in and says, well, I don't know. You know, if that one convinced these Christians, if even Jesus coming back from the dead didn't convince them, then how would show them a living dinosaur help? We're

not even trying to do that. Like we could. He wouldn't even work. So the sun was in my eyes. I'm not even I wasn't even trying to win. You were. And then we get this moment where, okay, so now Disciple Dan puts his show far back in his guitar case and he walks off all Bruce Banner style. And I only point this out because you could tell because they held this for a really long time, you could tell that guitar case was starting to get too heavy for him. And he didn't want to switch arms. Well, the camera was still eventually it just pans up because you can tell he's yelling. switch arms while the camera was still eventually it just pans up because you can tell he's yelling pan

Oh Pineapples and Sean's back they're going that's why you need a boflex man you should Boflex didn't get yoked I'm joking again I'm joking You brought here to show me sorry the resistance goes up to 420 tell you don't have to carry 420 pounds though that's the great thing about it. Joe Farza in my mind. What happened? We are not coordinated people. All right. So, and then, okay, I have to point out, because then it's just the credits, the movie's over now, but I love imagine, because they have this whole song that sort of breaks down all the arguments that they've

made in this movie and a lot of the jokes that they've made. And I love to think that they just sent this off to some random animator, right? Some guy who's like, you know, for 50 bucks on my anime or whatever. And this guy's listening to a song that literally ends with the words, see, I don't like the way the devil uses dinosaurs to lie to people. And he's just like, fuck, man, it's a paycheck. Oh, I wish I could sell bags of sand or fake thumbs to kids. Alright, so as hard as this was to watch, I've got to admit, I love the idea of making videos that remind kids that either dinosaurs and man co-existed a few millennia ago or the Bible is bullshit. So when we start our secret video production company to sneak nuggets

a doubt into the diet of Christian kids videos, what conflict should we highlight? Right. When we haven't done it yet. Okay, so either water used to be three times bigger than water or the Bible is wrong. Either pi is equal to three or the Bible is wrong. Either pi is equal to three or the Bible is wrong. Yeah, right. I was going to go with either the stars can fall into a lake or the, yeah, right. All right. The fact that they get pyrogue is what am I all?

The apologetics for that are the greatest. Because they never say exactly that a circle is, you know, that pie is three, they say that there's a well where like it would be the circle of that well would be anyway. Yeah. And they're like, well, that well may not have been round. It could have been an oblate spirit. You don't know. That's literally what they say though.

That's the thing. We don't know that it was a regularly round shaped well. Why would it not be a round shaped well? You know what I've seen a lot of elliptical wells because it's just it's whimsical and fun. You know, yeah. Right. Nobody expects circles are boring. Do you, do you think they ever have like Ray and the people who made this? Did they ever have a moment where they're just like, oh, I feel it's real. I feel it's like you remember, I remember being relationships right before the breakup where I knew it's real. I feel it's like you remember I remember being relationships right before the breakup where I knew it wasn't good. Yeah, but I I stayed in it for another

three years. That but but it's your whole life and what you do for. Yeah, no, I think that's certainly Ray Comfort square. And as we learned last week, David A.R. White's going through a lot of that shit too. Oh right. David's okay, baby. Well, yeah, man, well, yeah, we'll get you some good. Are you kidding? Good music. You will be at every con for seven years. So much atheist, pun, David.

Just saying so much atheist, pun. And look, we all know you stopped casting your wife is your love interest about eight years ago for a reason. So and dick just to be clear. Well, I'm sexy. You did. I just want to let you know right now. We've spent a lot of time together.

I'll do it. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of the truth about dinosaurs and our attempts to get David A.R. White in the sack, but that's not going to do it for the episode. Just check because we still need to analyze you for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck? Balganesh 2. I think it's time for some Hindu crazy.

We're going back for more Balganesh. This is the sequel to the cartoon movie. Sequel to the cartoon movie. More cartoon elephant god, Ganesh. Awesome. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up so 138 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make and If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our simply shows the skating aides, citation aided, and the skeptic ride available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Wherever else podcast lip. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoff on movies

at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast, or provide it by the law, offices of PA Drift Routaurus, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars, all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neil Ibosnik, I'm no illusions, promise to work hard to learn another chunk next. Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. Somebody put a slinky on Ray Comfort's up escalator, and you refused to leave until he found out what happened.

He died on that escalator. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Sean and Dan eventually cut the homerotic tension and fucked each other with dinosaur teeth. Henham's boat was massively damaged in a storm caused by climate change. Nobody got the iron in it. All right. So word of warning here, Morgan, this is a movie full of sound effects. So a little bit of sound effects going on in the, uh, in the skits here. We won't ask for any bloops or anything during the main segments, but we've got a few here.

I might ask for bloops during the main segment. You don't have to give him bloops. Don't give him bloops. Don't give him bloops, man. You know if you give him bloops, he'll just come back for more bloops. It's like, it's like immigrants. If you give him out the bloopy, just put in his address every time. Yes.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018. All rights reserved. every time. Yes. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC, cap your a 2018 all rights reserved.