God Awful Movies - 139: Gam139 Bal Ganesh 2

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Bal Ganesh 2; the charming, animated story of absolutely nothing. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

And then he his quill breaks again and he's like this will never do so he rips out his own tooth and uses that to write instead which for anyone who doesn't have no illusions as a coworker I can understand why that's right and thing. And to be fair, he needed to sign that receipt. So no one is going to make me hear. This is a reasonable part of the movie. I can totally see. Good enough for Ganesha! Yeah.

God awful movie! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be them back. Thanks Noah. You know who's gross? Who's gross? Lower casts. They need to know their role. They are, they shouldn't touch people. They need to know where they are and not fuck with it. Hi new listeners. I'm Noah. Hey, he says, this is a Hindu movie about India. Sometimes, but you have to wait for the context. We'll go back to that joke later when you have context. But to get that, of course, that to be heathed downfall as some Indian listener is just like, no, no, this is the final straw. Can't really. And that guy, you just heard that guy sitting

81 miles to my right. His name is Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I have no opinion on the various casts. Yes, you do. You do. Yeah, you do. You're not the cast. Everybody listen every listen over the other shows. He has opinions on the cast.

So you so your sales is a perfectly good place to get a wedding. That's where you like it. Listen, you go back., listen to all the episodes. You come here, you let us know who's more racist. Me or Heath, we know it's not. But I like the racist. I would like to race for. No, I take, I'm so sorry.

I take it back. Don't count that part. You can't count that. He's just a new listener. It was nice of you to try though. It was nice of you to give it a try. It's a race song. Nope, there nice of you to try though. It was nice of you to give it a try. I know there's no way to do this.

Race. We're cool with the top half of the casts in India. We're saying, if you're in the top half, I don't know how many there are. There's seven. If you're in top three, like conservative top half, we'll give it to you. All right.

I'm going to transition to the context for all of these jokes now. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched. Balganish 2. So really, we're just going to keep doing this. It's really going to be this all. Nothing but that. Yep.

And Balganish 2 is a collection of moral allegories from Hinduism about an obnoxious overweight baby god who physically assaults a cat, plagiarizes a book and takes a slave as a spoil of war. It's confusing, as a lesson about anything. It's it's either shallower deep. I haven't decided. Yeah. I mean, if Bangladesh wanted to use still better than the Bible as their catchphrase, I would get it. You know how fair and Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love Hindu mythology, but you really want to learn it from an all-mouse episode of Ent tarage. This movie. Let me be exceedingly clear.

This movie is exactly 50% Hindu myths and exactly 50% my sitting around being duchess to each other. Somehow is though. That's just an accurate description. You know, sometimes Eli has to dress it up and sometimes he can just be literal. I feel like the Hindu myths. We're going to start talking about the narrating mice at one point. There was, it's not clear who's who. Yeah, we got really close to that at one point. And I should also point out, like

if this is not just about making fun of another culture, there's a reason we focus on religious cinema. I mean, think about how wasteful it is to make movies like this. Like if we reappropriated this movie's budget, we could feed a homeless guy all the pancakes he could eat one day. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't hungry like a guy who had a lunch. So all right, quick question before we jump into this, is there a worse, less empathic harder to root for movie hero in all of cinematic history than Ganesha? Zach Snyder Superman. Okay.

All right, granted granted. I mean, I think I got to go back to the accidental bar mitzvah to find one that I was more rooting against, right? Who is the good guy in? Who is the good guy in this? Randolph and Antisemis. All right. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Yeah, actually two things. First of all, best worst,

Foley guy tripping on acid. We'll get there. Yes. Also, best worst torture started to mention it earlier. At one point, the main character will violate the Geneva conventions in this cartoon for children. And it's treated as like a whimsical moment. Yeah, no, it is. It's like the torture story. You little scamp torture. All right. Yeah. No, good one. I was going to go with best worst. We're going to start this movie any minute now. Yes. Oh, my, you know, I don't want to spoil the first 15 minutes of the film. But let me just say that like that's not the beginning yet. None of those first 15 minutes are the beginning

yet. You know how we like sit down in our chairs and do a test record and count to 10 to sync up the track. Right. You would hold never hear any of that. Yeah. Right. No, this movie kept it all. I'm going to go with best worst montage. We've seen some pretty bad montages, some Bible reading montages, some praying montages. This is the first taking dictation on a guy's. And it's like three and a half minutes long. It is long. It is family guy Conway, twitty joke.

As is everything else in this goddamn movie. All right. Well, we've got some dancing mice to revisit. So we're gonna keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the mundane, but somehow still repulsive stories that are Balganesh two and done. All right. Balganesh two animated great job guys. Great job. Okay. So how much time do we have? have. Uh, you know, it says I still doing a little thing. Uh, 22 minutes. Oh, 22 that that seems short. Is that short? Yeah, that's short. Yeah. Okay. Hey, maybe we could just add in another story about Ganesh. Uh, yeah, but the, the budget's kind of gone. So I don't know. Like what do we have?

We have four dollars. Fuck. Okay. What can we animate with four dollars? The talking mice from the beginning? Okay, okay. Well, maybe we like send them on an adventure or something. They're like mirrors the adventures of Ganesh.

So people, no, no, you're misunderstood. Just the mice talking. Oh, okay. Um, do we have enough for them? Can they move also? They could spin flip their sunglasses up. Maybe. So just not, not a lot of moving them. No. Okay. Um, So maybe the mice just sort of sit around and bust chops on each other, you know? Bust chops? Yeah. For like,

40, for three minutes. Yeah. Yeah, for like 43 minutes. Cool. So we're gonna, we're gonna have the mice bust chops on each other for 43 minutes. Got it. Moving.

And we're back for the breakdown and I feel safe saying that we all started this movie off going, oh, yay, dancing mouse. I'm embarrassed to admit how excited I was to see dancing. Oh, I missed it. Oh, I missed it. I was too. Even though it's like a CGI from a Commodore 60, it's the war. You could see a guy running behind him, like doing punch cards. It's such a bad animation.

It's amazing though. And if you don't watch these movies along with us, you could be confused about how centrally this mouse is dancing. Right. I feel like everyone should be confused by how essentially this mouse is shaking its ass. He confused no more. It's very sensual, very, very sensual. Like this mouse, there are dollar bills in this mouse. Maybe a 20. Also the music note I had for this is mouse shaking its ass music. Nothing else would be appropriate for this music. And no music would be more appropriate. Yeah. My music note was oboe dying of emphysema. And that's was along with this mouse dancing. Yeah. No, actually, it was, it was a bizarrely fitting oboe dying

of emphysema. It gets, it gets happier. It starts like that, but then they perk it up. It's weird. It's like the oboe's make a wish was to fuck a man. And that's so rarely captured in modern cinema. Yeah. They're afraid. They're free to bring it up. Watch Moonlight get woke. So is never say no to the kids, the Make a Wish kids. I never like no. I yeah, yeah, once in a while, the celebrity is that's like, no, I can't do that. And then what they do is they publicize that. You know, a bit and a flag doesn't have time

for the dying kid. Yeah. Oh, so there is no thing that I'd be like, eh, it's such a crazy weekend. Yeah, there's no thing that I'd be like, eh, it's such a crazy weekend. Yeah, right. I don't mean I don't think Ben Affleck ever turned, I don't know why I'm picking up Ben Affleck. But yeah, so anyway, so we get dancing mouse over the credits.

We are not going to see names like Ben Affleck in those credits. No, we are not. There is however a quality control guy. So at the end of this, I say we find that guy and ask He said no to what would you say you do here? All right, so with the credits out of the way we cut to a big mansion with my statues and Settle in guys because we're going to be here for a while. And right away we see mice wearing winner hats and scarves in the summer. Like, I already fucking hate you.

That's great. Like, tell me about how you're an activist DJ for two hours. Yeah, one of the mice is dressed like that. I had Dr. Seuss gangster coroner. Yeah. One of these mice is absolutely about to tell you how transformative Coachella was for him. Another one just came back from a month long silent meditation retreat.

The final one wants to talk to you about macrobiotic eating. These are just the doucheers. Well, no, they're like number two through five on the Duceus mice ever because after they all congregate and say things like, yo, do what's up? The worst mouse ever shows up in his sports car. Oh, now I want to point out he's the only mouse that's white. So racist commentary. Commentary. But what cast is he a part of?

That's the real question. No, no, it's not actually. Let's get into it. Don't be afraid. Well, actually, yeah, let's get into it for nine minutes. They will talk about the relative social status for like five minutes here. Yeah, my notes at this point are just, hey, can we start this movie with a solid seven minutes of mouse argument?

Yeah. And we do. Yeah, this guy, he just shows up. He does donuts around their driveway with his sports, his driveway. We learn in a second. He made him wait to be at his house and he shows a plate. And he's just like, I'm rich. You guys are poor.

I invited you guys here to tell you that. It's like Eli's vision board. Okay. You said you wouldn't look. I comfort it with a cloth when you came over. So you were really late though, though, that whatever. And I've got to point this out even though it's going to make me sound racist. There are so many almost in English phrases in this. Oh, absolutely. There's so much like the one guy goes, like, don't take it to your heart, my friend. Yeah. It is a combination of like 1992 slang and also close to Google Translate.

He is just like, you are looking quite fat with a P today, my friend. But, yeah. One of them was, who knows which side of the bed do you wake up from? Was that, was that a homophobic thing? Like do Indian people think that gay people only wake up on the east side of the bed or they're like, gay couples stack up and don't use that, I don't understand.

Well, if you guys hadn't already run off all the Indian listeners, we could ask that. See? This is the problem. Would someone please tweet at your Indian friends and what they think about gay people before you got stabbed. You're going to find the bad. Did you wake up from? All right. So after several minutes of just pointless banter between these mice, we eventually learn that they're talking about how great the first movie in this series wasn't how they need to make a sequel by telling

more stories about Ganesh. Right. Because everyone loved the first movie. This is, I believe, the only movie I've ever watched that begins with, man, everyone really loved that last movie. Should we do it again? Yeah. These guys are super aware about breaking the fourth wall throughout this. Oh, yeah. I thought that this mouse was about to like push my screen over like it's going

to fall in my mouth. It's crazy. Yeah. So like, yeah, everybody wants a sequel. Also, real quick, I wanted them to address this. Two of the mice out of the like eight of them are naked. Six of them are wearing clothes. Yeah. Two are naked. I wanted them to address that. Like, hey, so I get you guys are a nudist couple, but like just for meetings, you know,

maybe one cloth or something. Or better, they just like get animated dicks on those mice that make everyone real uncomfortable. Just go full. Dr. Manhattan, we're just like a big swing in mouth stick that we're supposed to ignore. Make it blue and radioactive, whatever. Yeah. Right. All the radioactive moustache is exactly what this film was missing. And now we're going to like. We're like six minutes into this film. And they're like, you know, and they moved from that to what we think is going to be the movie. We're wrong. Right. We're only halfway. We're not even halfway through the intro. but instead we've got to have like a previously on Balkanesh

montage. In form of a slam poem. Well, it was a song occasionally and a poem occasionally and some dude talking occasionally. Yeah, because not doesn't rhyme with wrath. No, it doesn't. There are several times where it'll be like, and then he went to see Shiv Shiv Ji and he'll be like, I like hammers. Nope. You want to rhyme in a second language? Suck my dick, shoes you. Yeah, it's it's quite painful, but but they now if we hadn't heard our first episode on Balganesh, the first one of these is like nine different stories about Balganesh animated, right, about Ganesha. And they go through all of them in this lab. You know, like previously

honest, the whole movie. This half the movie, like this is genuinely about half the movie is them recapping part once. They could fill time. It's pretty rough. And it starts with them being like, okay, hold on, just give us like 20 minutes. We need the characters to walk into frames because these are the slowest walking characters in the history of movies.

And then they tell us that entire backstory. I pretty pretty detailed noted the entire backstory. Do you guys want to hear what happened in fight one? So nobody's confused. Right. Right. Yeah. By all means, because the only note I had is, wow, the more you condense this, the crazier it is. Well, yeah. All right. Here we go. It's condensed as I can. So part one, Parvati is Balganesh's mom. She got pissed at a cow, created fat baby Elvis. That's Balganesh out of mustard to guard her bathroom while she takes a shit. That was why he exists. The origin fat baby Elvis is a snowboarder also has the strength of a god and they do a

sweet little recap song about all this. Lord Shiva, that's his dad. He decapitates the kid with a spear happens, which was mildly awkward for them. But easy fix. You go, you murder an elephant, you chop a head off and you touch the elephant head to the fat baby. You're fine. Also a crazy bad guy was fucked up the world because the top level God, Brahma, who has three heads, he gave crazy bad guy was fucked up the world because the top level God Brahma who has three heads, he gave the bad guy all the superpowers to the bad guy was like, hey, let me get like everything. Like he asked for like more powerful than any God power.

And the chief guy was like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Like it was going to backfire on the bad guy, but it's just like, okay, I'm all powerful. Great punch. I win. So like he beats the bad, he's the worst. Then all power of bad guy caused a drought for spite and then a sage guy has to perform a sacrifice and get some advice from Lord Brown about how to fix the fucking problem.

He originally caused the advice was to get a bucket of water from like the top of Mount Everest and walk it to Southern India. That was the advice. It doesn't seem like that would do anything, but he starts doing it. Bogganesh, the kid follows the sage into the desert, the kid morphs into a bird, and then he knocks over the bucket of water, kind of ruins the day. But that's how the Kavari River was formed. If you guys, I don't know, that was holding up the story. Now the Kavari River exists. So we're good. And then Ganesh and his little brother have a race around the world.

Ganesh cheated by walking around his parents in a circle because he's an asshole and that's discounted and he won the race. They found the moon god and Ganesh cursed the moon god by taking away his light. Moon god was like, hey, we get that back. Ganesh was like, okay, I was the end of that story. Yeah, it was.

And then a rich guy invited Lord Shiva to dinner to show off how rich he is. And Shiva sent the obnoxious fat kid to teach the guy a lesson. You know, eight all the rich guys food and like every physical object in the guy's mansion. And then everybody danced for an hour again. That was, wow, yeah, no, that was the whole fucking movie. So if you don't have time to listen to part one, that's it. And that's the thing is like, right, so they used all of those stories in part one. And then they go to do part two and they're like, hmm, he who some mice could talk about

how he was going to do his stuff, huh? Yeah. You guys want to talk about the time he wrote a book? Yes. We'll get there talk about the time he wrote a book. Yes. Yes. I will get there. Okay. But before we can get there, though, the movie I was going to start, we have to go back to the mouse, still desperately trying to convince us this movie deserves to exist. Right. And at one point, a mouse goes in this movie, we will do three to four stories and I'm like, do you? Are you not firm on how many stories in that movie? In that range of stories coming into your units, stories are, you have to pick one of those.

Three movie you shouldn't lie. Yeah, right. It's less than $20. Okay, it's 1999 though. It's 1999 guys. All right, so yeah. And by the way, the mice are bored by this extended intro, right? At one point, the mouse is going, well, okay, get on with it. But before they do, a cat comes by and they all have to hide from the cat and they give each other shit about who wasn't afraid of the cat. Yeah, although to be fair, the rich mouse has a pretty awesome catch phrase. When I am around, don't even mention tension.

I just wrote the Heathen write story. All right. So cat comes by, they get scared, give each other a bunch of shit. And then the mouse and rubber gloves for some reason finally tells us a god damn story. He's like, Hey, you know what? Speaking of cats. And then literally 15 minutes in the movie starts. Okay. So good-nash, the elephant headed God as a child is being an asshole to his pet rat from a swing. Right. And I was genuinely worried that this entire story would just be the time everyone played. Did you hear that to the mouth? Yeah, right. Well, that's why I was afraid it was just going to be the mouse mice arguing over whether this movie should exist for an hour and 15 minutes and then ultimately deciding

that it shouldn't. Right. So, so Ganesh is, he's on the swing and he's going, like, Oh, I'm eating such good food and having so much fun on this swing. Sure wish my mouse friend Moushak was here to enjoy this with me and the mouse is like, Dude, I'm here. Stop being a, a dick. And this whole intro scene is just like, ah, you know, the classic when you roast too hard, conundrum, right? Your buddy gets all mad, then you got to be like, come on, man, dude. Yeah. You mad. Right. So get out. You know, the other gods Lucy with the football in a couple of times, and then he gets mad and wants to take his ball and go home. And so good national apologizes. And also, this is where for the first time of many times the sound effects go crazy.

There's no relation to what's happening on the screen. This is the fully guy tripping on acid, like just playing with random objects. They're like, okay, give us a just a nice relaxing afternoon type thing and like a boon and glass comes flying out of my head. We're up there. Just okay. Think easy. Stop throwing grape fruits. So all right. So Moushak storms up the stairs. He's not accepting Ganesh's apology, but there's a cat up there and he's a mouse.

So he runs back all scared his fuck. Right. And then they make fun of him for being scared of a thing that eats him. Yeah, which is very, I wrote, you're a God and he's a mouse. I feel like you roasting at this point is not a good idea. Yeah, right? But yeah, so Ganesh is like, all right, well, if that cat's going to be a dick to my mouse friend, I'm going to whoop its ass.

So him and his two lackeys, the bull God and the little ogre dude run off to go catch the cat and show it whose boss. All right. So just to be clear, Balganesh won the birth of a god and the defeating of a devil, Balganesh too, the time his mouse friend got scared. I'm just, I'm just wanted to make sure I'm summing up. Well, yeah, because I mean, the listeners might think this is going somewhere else. It's not, right? This is the whole story. We're going to keep going through the various

scenes and everything. But, you know, spoiler alert, there is nothing else beyond that to this story. Well, well, kind of, yeah, something's about that. It gets worse. Yeah. Okay. You won't expect it. So, could he ever, right right? So Ganesh circles around the cat. The cat circles him like Neo and agent Smith for a minute like they're going to draw pistols on each other. I want to point out the cat at this point And throughout has done nothing wrong, right? The cat was just walking by a mouse got scared because you know It's a cat, but Ganesh is always as a complete douchebag To be fair the cat is terrifying. Well, yeah, it's Cecil's demon cat.

Yeah, it is. There's 100% of dark wizard serial killer. Yeah, that's a fact. That's to be fair, it does look like it invented the word dinosaur. Also, can we talk about Ganesh's smack talk to the cat? He's like, come at me, cat, fucking fuck you. Like, I expected Marky Mark to jump in and just's like, come at me, cat, fucking fuck you. Like I expected Mark to jump in and just be like,

what kind of cat is that? Is it a Syme? He's cat? Cause I'll beat the shit out of the cat. I'm talking to the cat. Right, so Ganesha has a long moment of shit talk. And by the way, everything, and I'm gonna come back to this cause we gotta fill this episode with something.

But everything is a long moment of, right? Nothing happens quickly in this film. If he's going to circle this cat talking shit, that's going to go on for two and a half minutes. Yeah. It's like walking with an old person, everything in his movie takes a little longer than you think it should. Like everything's like, oh, that's unpleasantly long.

That's unpleasantly long. That's unpleasantly long. Yeah, right. So, yeah. So his friend's laugh at him because he can't catch the cat and he gets all mad. So he chases the cat. The mouse bounces on a fat guy. For reasons I can't begin to comprehend. Yeah.

Bounces up and down for again, like four or five minutes to show us that they can animate bouncing. I guess we can also do bounce. And he's on the fat guy's belly popular misconception. By the way, fat guys, bellies are actually not a trampoline. It's the opposite. Small objects just kind of like squish in there and and stay like I found a TV remote once.

Also a little behind the scenes here. If you have not watched Noah's notes get angrier and angrier as he roots for the cat and not bulkiness the God, you have missed out on a real experience. Oh, all right. So look, there is no way to make me like a character less than having fuck with an innocent cat. All right. And they really double down on this. So they chased the cat eventually into an entirely different ecosystem and season. They run into the summer here. And the running is so bad too. We mentioned the walking this. They do some running now, like they pass the same cactus over and over and right. A cartoon. It's great. Watching a fat kid chase cat though is pretty fun. Well, yeah, no, it's hard to do this wrong, but they manage to be

like a reality show. Like a fat kid chasing cat. Catch the last picture of your father to this cat. Go get it. Look at him go. It's not actually of his dad. It's one of those stock photos, but he doesn't. He'll never catch a cat. He's not going to catch it. It doesn't matter. They never catch it.

So, but in this universe, of course, a fat kid can catch a cat. So eventually they come to a lake and the cat is cornered and Ganesh laughs like a sinister asshole picks up the cat by the tail and dunks it in the water. Yeah, he water boards the cat. Yes, yes, he tortures the fight and then he throws it in the fucking middle of the river to drown. Yeah, it's a very, very like, okay, I'm going to be vulnerable, I'm radically vulnerable right now. Did anyone

else get the vibe that he was maybe going to rape this cat? It wasn't outside the realm of possible. No, right. That would be that's the logical next step right. We go right up to him and then he raped it and we don't quite go there. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like, thank you, Noah. Yeah. Right. Like I said, yeah, you can show that you can find my vulnerability when you start torturing cats. I voted now and rape the cat. So all right. So then he runs the cat off. He picks the cat up out of the river. He says, you've learned your lesson. Don't be a cat that's,

might you're scared of anymore. Thought he's gonna put in a box of poison or something at this point. Just be like, yeah, get philosophical with it. That's true, that's true. Yeah, right. We revere Schrodinger and then this guy, we think it's an asshole.

All right, but of course all that cat torture and sure did get him hungry. I mean, like gross, but yeah, what it does, it does. What the fuck? Like don't torture cats. Yeah. So he goes home looking for food and he goes into his mom's room and instead of mom being there, there's a hot chick all beat up in his house and he's like, who are you? It's really weird. He's like, hello, dying woman who's just laying there on our euthanasia table that we have. Can you cook? Are you? Yeah, right. You're feeling dumb, fucking hungry. You seem like you've got a lot going on, but I'm a how much you die. You do not want to see what I do when I get hangry. I mean I took a drink so

Hither and thither but We're thinking well coconut dumplings Well, yeah, but it turns out that that was his mom right that she it was his mom and he didn't recognize her because She had bruises on her and was in purple instead of pink. I don't, it was a Clark Kentie kind of thing. I don't know. But she's like, he's like, oh, mom, who beat you up? I'll fuck him right up. And she's like, it was, it was you that beat me up.

I was that cat the whole time. And it feels like, okay, guy, see, you're, you can morph whatever. But like if I start torturing you, maybe morph back. It's, you know, why were you waiting for mom just like, let, stop me. I feel like a percentage, not all, but a percentage of this is on you. For saying you can't. I don't want a more fat. I want you to just know that I'm okay that you're torturing your mother. Really, I just want you to not be torturing a cat, but I want you to not get more fat for you. Yeah, no, but the lesson here, it's not that she morphed into the cat. It's that she,

like all of the animals are alive in her or whatever. So anytime you torture an animal, you're torturing parvati. But the fact that this kid needed that lesson is the kind of thing that should put you on the camp by a gun list, though, right? Like the fact that India felt like that was a lesson they needed to teach their children, scares the fuck out of me. Yeah. What the fuck is right? The first lesson you guys thought of to teach, okay, lesson number one for the children

of India. Stop waterboarding cats so much. Because it's serious problem in this country. To be fair, if we were making an American ball, Ganesh, we would probably have to do a no mass shooting story at the beginning, right? And that one. That's worse. Yeah, that is this worse. Um, so he's like, what, but Ganesh has learned his lesson and he'll never torture a cat again. So parvati star trek teleports herself into not being bruised up and then gives them

some dumplings. Right. And there is very much a like end of a 30 minute sitcom feel in that moment, right? She's like, oh, you tortured your mother. But um, yeah, that's that's our. That's clearly what they're going for. Yeah. And then like mouse GI Joe walks in and tells you like, don't torture cats as much.

The more you know, or no, uh, knowing is half the battle. Got it. All right. So yeah, mom gives them some childhood obesity to celebrate the fact that he knows not the torture cats anymore. And that story is over. That's story one of three or four or four or four and we'll find out it's three. And now story one is over.

We're back to the mice at the, at the mansion scarf mouse sums the story up just in case it was too complicated for you. Don't torture cats. And then we go into this long conversation where Dr. Suskanks, Dr. Morgmouse, wishes they had stopped and told that cat the same story so that the cat wouldn't eat mice anymore. Right. And then the other mouse is like, no, no, no, what we'll do is when this film is released, we'll sell copies on the cat subway. And we'll do that thing where we like, it really pushy about it. And then they're like, well, we'll sign it cat subway. And we'll do that thing where we like it really pushy about

it. And then they're like, we'll sign it to them. And the cats will be like, Oh, I really don't need this today. And we'll just be like, no, it's ruined now. Well, okay, but you're so only slightly exaggerating, right? I mean, because the mice are like, well, then once this DVD is out, we could distribute copies for the cats. And the other ones like, well, who's going to finance that? That would cost a lot of money. And the other, the other mouse was like, well, we could all go in on it together. That's literally the conversation they have watching the mice do the third take of their Kickstarter video. Hey, I'm rich mouse too much energy. Hey, I'm rich mouse. And that's too low. All right.

And what's the lesson that they should like who's supposed to be nice to who like if when the cat runs out the mice, they ran away. So they were mean like maybe the cat wanted to hang out. But yeah, that's I think that's I don't like if the Pakistanis would stop running away from our commandos. Maybe we could get along better in this area of the world. Really? If that was the, I mean, honestly, I cannot argue sufficiently that that is not the moral of this story, right? I cannot say

definitively. That's not what they were going for. Stop resisting Pakistan. Okay, but it just so happens that this reminds one of the other mice of another story they could animate that has nothing to do with anything anyone has said or done. Nope, not at all. That mouse is so obviously the guy who just learned a street joke and will use any opportunity to tell you just like, so kid answers the door with scotch and a cigar What were my dad's funeral right because Let me finish the joke and the You were crying go ahead you were energizing don't let me interrupt

And also by the way, we have to do some more mouse shit, because we can't just get to it. They have to say, well, this next story is about how intelligent Ganesh is. Your grandfather told it to me because you were too dumb to understand it. Get it. You're dumb. Lower cast. All right. So now scarf mouse is going to tell us about how smart Ganesh was and we're going to start with I shit you not a full 48 seconds of a guy meditating. Oh, it's sweet beard guy. Yeah. Now 48 seconds doesn't seem like a long time, but just count 48 seconds to yourself.

And imagine spending all of that watching a guy sit still in a movie. We're going to do it right now. One, two, no, we're not. We're going to stall a lot less than this movie. Yeah, right. Exactly. A lot of fast forwarding here. That's what I said before we got started.

I'm like, okay, everybody just talk about whatever the fuck you want because nine things happen in this home movie. All right, but we're about to get to one. So Brahma appears, the three had a dude. And he's like, hey, man, that was some great chant. What do you want? He's like, well, I want to write a book, but I'm stupid.

So when I start writing things, I forget what I was thinking because I can't think and write at the same time. I wanted Lord Brahma to be like, do you want me to fix that? And he's like, no. We're looking for someone to take dictation. You know how things that come off the top of your head are the best things you could possibly do.

Like improv is the greatest form of writing, right? It's podcasting agrees. Keep it up. It's just three dudes. Joking. I'm not working off. No, it's just eating the sandwich right now. So can you our competition?

So, yeah, no, but, but, but, but, but, sweet beer dude is literally using Promo like the opening of one of our zipprick Yeah, no, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, Okay, I got you covered the best stenographer in the world is the reclusive Trogletitic snow god in the mountains Why don't you go see him? Yeah, but before you can the cartoon just comes up and says break Yep, it's like all right time for intermission by the way was anyone else really hoping that they reenact the movie secretary with this student Ganesh Worm on the page. All right. So a movie, not for nothing, but I'll decide what a fucking interstitial is going. They're not right here.

This isn't the break. So, so anyway, that guy journeys to the mountaintop via Scotty beaming him up. He just appears there and he goes to see Ganesha's dad. With a really sexist passive aggressive greeting, he's like long live and much braised, the Lord, whatever. Also your wife's here. Hi. Hi, Susan.

Anyways, we were talking. It's fine. She can stay unless you wanted to leave. It's up to you. I don't know if she just like sitting in all your conversations or is this something that just we could talk about? What do you think? It's like people walking up to our table at the conventions. Oh, and Heath is here.

Heath. Heath. Great. I'm sorry. Who did they bring alcoholic beverages to? You. Well, actually, they kept bringing one for each of us and then Heath drank all of them. But yeah, well, they talked to you guys.

They think about it. It's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it was But yeah, well, they talked to you guys. Think about it. That's the fun you have to think. Yeah. Yeah, it was only the single women that were talking to you. He must be rough. Both of them. I mean, both of them, it was in an atheist convention.

So, you see these french fries? So good. Stop telling me to touch you there. It's crazy. That's you. Who you put from? Oh,

he's for president of American American. There will be a clean cut here. So okay, so transition us. We're gonna fingers up or something. This guy is literally invoked to God and then climbed to the highest mountain top. So someone will help him finish that novel he's working on. So they say, oh, you know, who's great at writing is Ganesha. We'll go get him right after this very long humorous scene of him and his mouse friend. So good. So stupid. All right.

So we cut to goodness. He's speed reading. That's bullshit. Doesn't work by the way. No, and he's like, he's reading a tennis match. He's just his head's flying back. For no reason. So stupid.

He fair though. There is nothing better than talking to liars who think they can speed read. It is the best. There are three things I love more in the world than being like, great, what did you just read? Hats. I saw. It might have been that. It was tea and then a period at the end. What would you say that book was about that you just read in 37 seconds? It's about a guy and 300 living pages long lust. Yeah. Unbridled enthusiasm. You say it the same time. Three.

But answer. So. But yeah, so good. That's your speed reading. The mouse is also reading, but this is funny because the mouse doesn't know how to read and the illiterate are hilarious. Well, I mean in India, that's a very relevant joke. You got to keep in mind.

She's very topical in India. Yeah. Nothing abuses Eli more than be making an edit. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that.

I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. It's not darker people. It is. I mean, it's not their fault. It's mostly the British. Why would it be their fault that they're darker? It's weird.

Oh, God. Whoa, Noah coming up from behind. The most racist contest. New rankings just came out. A people know it at the top. Look at that. I'll put a poll on Twitter. It'll be fun.

So, wow, transitioning from a finger in the ass. It was it was being invited to in the scenario that you guys made up to tap that whatever. Yeah. So that's what you do with a beer cake. All right. So the mouth. So the biggest. That would be weird. You can. You can. And then it'll help you internal biome cofffowers. Everybody tried to trace the string of things we just said. Yeah, right. Five minutes. See your best. Speaking of a finger up the ass. Okay. Yeah. So the mouse in the in the fucking elephant god joke around about reading for a while, but eventually bull god shows up to fetch him. And then the mouse scorches on dumplings because that never gets old. Oh, yeah. Eating those fucking

dumpling. That's a punchline for anything that has anything at all. It's like the part of Indian comedy is Indian. Indian Dalaii. And it was just a big dumpling eating contest. It was weird. All right. So Ganesh and the mouse eventually go to see the sage after all this comic relief. And Ganesh's dad explains what's going on in the manner of a man whose words were being stitched together hostage note style. And by the way, as Noah pointed out earlier, this is a guy who's like, Hey, can you help me finish my novel and Ganesh reacts accordingly? He's just like, Oh, I would love to check that out. I have much going on this week is just crazy work to do. This is what is your August like. Mine's bad. So dad, just to recap what's happening here. This grown

man wants me to go with him and write down all his thoughts out in the woods by ourselves. Yeah. Cool. Okay. I just want to, I'm getting one right now. Malester. Don't start yet. Don't start yet. Right. Right. Now he's thinking, don't blow this for me.

Stop. Now he's thinking blow this for me. Stop. All right. So I've got, damn it. Sometimes when you guys both do this to me, I'll be laughing at your jokes. They keep getting funny and I can't laugh more than I'm already laughing. So it's, that's painful. All right. I've got weak ribs. All right. So Ganesha gets a bunch of blank paper

and gets ready to dictate. We are about to enter into a three and a half minute dictation montage. I'm not exaggerating. But before we can get there, Ganesh has one condition. He says, all right, I'll write down everything you say. But if you ever stop even to take a breath, I'm not going to write anymore. Which is the best way to write. Let's be clear. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. James Joyce fan. Apparently. Yeah. Yeah. Sleep deprived stream of consciousness. That's the best writing. I just want to point out though. No, what a beat in the fuck at a Ganesha. Ganesha. Ganesha.

Yeah. I think those end credits read themselves. No, no, no, no. Right. Okay. But to outwit them, the sage says, okay, but my condition is that you can only write things down once you understand them. So that way he can earn a pause to breathe. If Ganesha has to stop to think about one of his couplets and how amazing would it be if there was just then a 40 minute scene where Ganesha didn't understand anything he said. It was like, I can't hear the mountain. Wait.

The mountain. Me. I'm. The mountain. Me. I'm on a mountain. What do you want? Mountain. Yeah, so um, but now I mean, I feel like the, the right answer is, all right, dude, I'm a human. We breathe. So no, I'm going to right answer is, all right, dude, I'm a human. We breathe.

So no, I'm going to go back to your dad and ask who's like the second best at writing a shit down of all the gods, because you're a dick. But the most amazing thing about this weird set of conditions is that this never comes into play. Right. The guy never stops to take a breath. Ganesh never doesn't understand anything. We don't even hear what he says. No, no, three and a half minute mark touch.

Right. They've animated him talking, but without words and all we're doing is watch if that makes it even fucking weird. Right? He got his lines wrong in the cartoon. And then just mute it. They did AD are on this cartoon. It's like those Christian explaining why the atheist is wrong montages. We have in movies. Yes, right. And the other thing is that it's a very every emotion need the money. So also small thing. So this is again, a writing montage. Yeah. Like I wanted them to cut back and forth with like Muhammad's scribe getting like steroid

injections in his hand writing with a power meter really hard against him. But okay. So he's writing and he's alternating Ganesh between right justified and left justified. Yes. Every other line. Yes. What is that a thing in in he writing first? I was like, I'm a racist.

I should check. Maybe they go left right and right to left every other line. No, it is not. Oh, it's just stupid. How would you know where to start every time for the left? Well, I would justify lines where would I would like to let us just get huge at the end. Make it work. That's that's why you got to go to fucking mountain dubs to get dick dinners in this goddamn country. Fucking start everything at the left side. You idiots. So we fixed India, guys.

We fixed India. This would spend a goal of ours for a while on this show. All right. So and we watched this for a while. Like, my notes are just like, wow, Ganesha's sure right in the shit out of those couplets, because what else would I write? And like, his pen runs out of ink and he's like, quill me mouse and the mouse like tosses him a quill and he's like, thanks bro.

Yeah, it's just sword, rustle, crow, and gladiator. Yeah. One of the people to pan over to Nephi, he's got a chisel off his side and just like pouring. Hey, man, are you copying our fucking thing? Go copy somebody else's holy book. Asshole. All right. It's his thumb. Ow. Oh, this is ridiculous. You know what? I'm fucking hiding this in ancient Egyptian right now. All right. So now we get along like his quill breaks. He needs a new quill.

He runs out of paper, but Moushak brings him more just in time. And then he his quill breaks again. And he's like, this will never do. So he rips out his own tooth and uses that to write instead, which for anyone who doesn't have no illusions as a coworker, I can understand why that And to be fair, he needed to sign that receipt so no I want now I want to bring in a false tooth just so I could do that if anybody ever wants to I can totally see I want now I want to bring in a false tooth just so I can do that if anybody ever wants me Signs up and I'm in a hurry or something you know Fuck it

Good enough for Ganesha Yeah You guys you fun and person Talk guy and he's Hey guys you guys want to shake he's hand too cool. Yeah, he's right there With the woman's thighs wrapped around his face. Who he is bothering him?

Stop. I don't want a chicken fight. Oh, well, don't put out false and I want a chicken fight. So if you meet me, I want you to love to kiss the other guy during a chicken fight. Tom won't answer my question. Yeah, you absolutely are. That's like the best move. That's you. Yeah.

It's a gay chicken fight. All right. And so again, just trans speaking of fingers in the ass, he rips his tooth out. That causes there to be great thunder and lightning, right? And then we cut to the gods on top of the mountain. And they're like, we will never forget the sacrifice you made by ripping your tooth out because you had to write real fast. Also, he then turns to all the like different books he wrote it in and like,

what turns it into Harry Potter seven? Yes. Also, what's the lesson we're learning with the tooth coming? So, okay, based on the elephant head thing from part one, they explain very briefly, they're about to go out and like club some baby seals and try out different teeth. Right? Let's screw them on.

Tusks from rhinos and shits. That would have been awesome. It would have been better. Need a mom with not paying attention. And okay. And then at the end, yeah, he just finishes writing the scriptures. Again, it net the whole, I can't stop for a breath. You have to understand that never comes into play at all. The stages just like, okay, so we're done. Awesome. And that's it. The story is

a sage needed a book written down. So Ganesha wrote it the end. That's it. Yeah. All right. Well, upon reliving the realization that that's what was going to pass for stories for the purposes of this film, I need a break to whack my face against something. But first, let me give back through the hard self. Can Ganesha get the book type fit in time? Who's going to do the cover art? With those really be less interesting angles of the story, find out the answers to these questions and less. When we return for the certifiably insane conclusion of Bal Ganesh to a Shiva.

Hey, Indra, what's up? Sit down, bro. I want to talk to you about the boons that you've been granting. Yeah. What's up with my boons? They're good boons, right? Yeah, you keep you keep finding demons. So already a problem there. They like to meditate real good. And then, and then you give them the power to kick the shit out of us. I do. Yeah, you do. Like a lot.

Oh, I mean, I guess it's happened once, once, it's too many. So here's my thing. How about no matter how good a guy or demon is at meditating, you don't ever give him the ability to kick the shit out of a god. Wow. Okay. So like, no, God defeating powers. None at all. At all. Okay. Okay. Okay. But what if you like, what if he does the one foot balancey thing? Well, that's super duper impressive. I get it, but there is no reason to fight a god except to um, fight a god, right? So like, well, I mean, what if the gods are like after him?

Well, you know, why don't we just deal with that if it comes up? Oh, okay. Okay, cool, cool. Um, can do. Good. Great. Hey, have you seen Ron Gish meditate? No, does he want to kill a god? See, this is what I'm talking about right here. Right. This is right. Okay. I feel like I was just about to do it again. And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our hero. We had just written a long book in a story that turned out to just be him right in a long book.

And just so that we know that that's all we're gonna get. We then go back to the mice so they can say, yep, that really was the whole fucking story. Ha. And you seem confused by the word writer here. It's just like, well, so there you go. Ganesh was not just a super smart little kid, God, also an amazing writer. Yeah. Scribe is the word.

Right. Yeah. Right. Donald Trump wrote art of the deal. No. No. I can't write a fucking shopping list. And then, Greg, if I'm wrong, the mice are like, ah, sure is a lot of movie left.

Another dance break. Yeah. Uh, another dance break. Yeah. Well, yeah, right. Good news, bad news. Uh, good news is the next story is at least better than the last two. The bad news is to get there. We've got to get through five minutes of a dance number with these fucking mice. And, and look, I mean, I've watched enough Disney Cartoon to know a five minute dance

number with mice can be awesome. This is not that. No, right? This is like, this is like if the mice were just, you know, whatever the church dance troop and you couldn't ask that much of them because none of them are really dancer weight. Oh, and it's so bad with the animation as always in these. Yeah. A few of the mice actually lag behind

and get out of unison. It's a how it's like, what are they? I thought we were about to see like 10 minutes of just buffering, buffering, like, what the fuck stunt man animated mice in the paperwork and then back to the top of the, what the fuck? We zoom in on one mice who's like out of breath. He has to stop. Sorry. So much vomiting. Yeah.

Good. Good. I did like the music in this bit. But also by the way, this goes on so long that at a certain point, Ganesha and Moushaks show up to start dancing with them because they're like, Hey, isn't this our fucking movie? Why, why is this you guys dancing for so long? She's, they really do. And my, my notes here are just like, they're dancing, they're dancing vamp, he's vamp. Well, I mean, that's, they vamp too. They just said the lyrics, I don't know what they mean, but they're the same sentence over and over for five minutes. Yeah. Like that doesn't count as rhyming. You can't just say like there's the classic a a a a a a a a a a rhyme scheme. That's not. That's not a thing. I can't do that. All right. So and then this just violently

hits, right? Suddenly the dance number is over that now is the time on sprockets when we stop dancing it's like the movie changed channels. Yeah. Right. And the mouse is like so speaking of a finger in the ass. Yeah. Yeah. And also, by the way, it's rubber glove mouse who says this so it would make some perfect

sense. If that was yeah, because he's like, so what's the next story? I got no transition, no transition here. Would have been cool with some cats showed up, like a crew of them and they danced back. Oh, I didn't do it. Guys all need to get with us before you send these things off. Okay. If you pledge a dollar on Patreon, we can make nine. Oh, Ganesh, my face.h, a week. All right. But white mouse likes his car so much that he's going to tell the story of how Balganesh got his ride, which is the mouse

that he stands on all the time. And I'll just give you a heads up now. If you think this story is going where you think it is, you're wrong. It's not a real thing. The origin story of the mouse friend is not what you expected. It might be weirder than raping a cat. That's the bar. Now that's given the third act, the hard sell right there. All right, so we're gonna start off

with a little snowboarding. I'm a little, we're gonna start off with nine and a half goddamn minutes. Oh, Moussak and Dalson having a snowboarding race with no board though. Right. Boardless. I guess that wasn't in the CGI budget. Yeah. The board. Idiots. Yeah. And again, like everything in this fucking film, this goes on forever. Moussak tries to trip DalSim and DalSim tries to trip Mooshock and. Oh, yes. So they get to the bottom of the thing, the race. And Ganesh is like,

Ha, mouse, remember that time that I met you. So we're going to get the story of the mouse telling the story of Balganesh, the story of the mouse. Now, it's getting really, really meta. If this mouse joined us on this podcast, it tells a story of the mouse telling the story of Gnash telling the story of the, that's the only way it gets weirder. Yes. All right. So, okay. Now we go to ice mortar for this flashback. Yeah. I wrote, meanwhile, in ice age, 345. Yeah. So way above a mountain, there's a dude doing some yoga praying. Now I immediately wrote as soon as we saw this, I bet he gets granted a wish and does something awful with it. Yep, that's what happens. Oh, yeah,

yeah, we've seen enough Hindu myths to know where this ends. Also, like a ton of people based on this making up so much of a religious tradition, a ton of people must have died trying to do this shit, right? Yep. Like there has to be a body count to just like, and then he went to the top of a mountain and stood on one foot and didn't let anything stop him. Yeah. Right.

Exactly because this is always shown as he's such a good Hindu that he got superpowers. You can get superpowers too if you just sit under a tree or stand on one leg on a mountain top and chant long enough. You get up there. It just corpses everywhere. You're bouncing yourself on. I feel like this might not work. Mountain top praying is their snake handling.

Yeah, right. Right. Just a bunch of Indian kids like grabbing radio active spiders or something. Oh, this will work. So yeah, so wouldn't you know it after enough praying? This guy's got postal worker levels of dedication. We see sleet and snow and gloom of night and everything, but he's still up there praying. This guy's got postal worker levels of dedication. We see sleet and snow and gloom of night and everything, but he's still up there praying. So eventually Ganesha's dad shows up and he's like, Hey, man, great wishing. What would you like? And he's like,

I want to make sure that no God, no man, no demon and no beast will ever defeat me. And the God's like, yeah, I can't see how that had go wrong. Yeah. No problem. This is backfired once, just no doing bad stuff. Yeah. He checks in. He's going, hey, hey, don't be a dick about this. Okay. Because there's this room we're going around. And I shouldn't grant wishes right away because people stand on one foot.

Never. I would net that he's easy. Are you swear? You sure? Because people make fun of me like I give powers to demons no, but they said I did that honestly, I'm mostly gonna use these powers for gardening. Okay, you're not a demon though, right?

No, what? You know, the fangs the fangs, I mean Irish you my mom's like, you look like Oreo on steroids. One other thing, your belt buckles a literal skull. It's like, I'm sorry for loving mega death, but okay, cool. No, just checking by. Yeah, mostly for gardening. I'm not evil. And yeah, and then of course the God's leaves and he goes, Ha, ha, I was evil the whole time.

Like, fucking pee we herment taking back his apology. I wanted the green guy to show back up again and be like, Oh, one thing. Oh, hey, thinking about this joke, this kid, he adds is the door, this is a psycho beauty of salesman. You been waiting to work that in? That sounds funny.

That sounds funny, That sounds funny. But you just burst into flames when you did the mohaha. Oh, yeah. Is that my mom's Italian? So again, it's this movie. So he goes for five and a half minutes about, ha, I'm secretly evil. And then he goes to a village

to kick some ass with a spike glove. Now, I guess secretly evil. And then he goes to a village to kick some ass with a spike glove. Now, I guess, I guess we skipped over the fact that part of not being able to be defeated by any God man, beast or demon is the fact that he's also 26 feet tall and breathes fire. Is that? Yeah. I feel like that wasn't part of the deal. I did. But either way, firebrett, like, is there a good guy application for firebrett? Could you like, let a good guy is asking to be more powerful than God's and breathe fire? Yeah.

Seems like a tell. Seems like a tell. And also there's this moment here because he's like tearing up this city. There's this moment where he waxed deer with his club. I could just watch that on repeat forever. And it looks like they cut away from that immediately. Like it reminded this is a cartoon. Like that. Yeah. They were like, Oh, that's too graphic. We'll cut like right after he hits it. Yeah. Right. So yeah. So he stomps around, kills some deer, waxed some shit with his club,

says the God shall be his slave too. And then one of the God shows up and they have the fight from the first one right where they he materializes a weapon and he throws it and then the bad guy prees fire on it. And then he materializes a different weapon and he throws it and the bad guy prees fire. And It's like, it wouldn't, if throwing weapons isn't working at them, different weapons aren't going to make that better. Yeah. Yep. But they try a bunch. It was like, metal star fire breath. Okay. Well, all right. Spear fire. Yeah. But obviously, uh, wooden stick wrench. And then there was a wrench. Yeah. Which is weird. I thought it was going defy our breath again. Doesn't matter. Yeah, but it's all turn based. It's all like it's all like you had to like type in

text like one of those old like yeah, yeah, eighties computer games. Yeah, original final fantasy style. Yeah, exactly. Throw stick. No, they don't recognize. Throw. Throw. Throw stick. Damn it. Just throw the most general one. Throw I'm going to throw a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a intro. So Ganesh and his parents are sitting around on the top of the mountain. Bull guy comes and says, Hey, you know that guy you granted invincibility to the gods would like to talk to you about that. And then the gods show up. It's like, couldn't the gods have just showed

up? Do we need like was bull guy? Did he have like in his contract a certain number of minutes? Right. And she was got to do the Eli messed up our Patreon again. It's just like, hey, what? Oh. Crazy. I pushed the, I swear I pushed the button. Did you? Yeah, you know what it is?

I heard Patreon's been broken is what happens. He heard you gonna, I booked us two flights. We said we were gonna agree on all the nominations before we put it. But I don't think we all said that. I think I booked us on spirit airlines. He is. You are technically overhead bag. Did I grant them power?

Yeah. Right. And that's exactly. She was like, oh, I'll go a demon guy. Did I grab them power? Yeah, right. And that's exactly she was like, oh, come on, demon guy wouldn't do he's, I told, I asked him if he was going to kill gods and he said no. He said no. And then dead gods just start falling out of the box. And an elephant on an elephant. Yeah, yeah, man.

Kids just walk so he's like, oh elephant. Yeah, uh-huh. Kids just walks over. He's like, oh, Amazon Prime is fast. Cool. So off this tusk. Right. Yeah. So and then Ganesh shows up. There's this weird moment where Ganesh has this like, you know, have you, have you heard

about this? Have you seen this moment? And his mom's like, this is not the time for jokes. It's like he didn't even, was it, did he make a joke? What was the joke? He's like, Ganesh goes, hey, sounds like the gods are making a earthquake around here because he falls to the ground. Oh, right.

Yeah. She's like poor timing. That's a dead guy. Oh, joke. So look at the twin towers. No, it's a single child. Oh, oh, half the inheritance twice the price. So Gilbert Godfrey got fired from ballgın esh to

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,

Oh no, Gilbert is not doing much. We could have like I bet we could get the rights for this movie for three bucks. I bet we could get Gilbert for another three. And we just do this exact same movie only Gilbert Godfrey as Ganesh the entire time. Oh yeah, no, that's worth it. That's totally worth our

seven bucks. You won the cat. All right. So the dad though is like, oh man, that guy that I gave all those powers for is using for bad things. All right, well, I'll take care of this. Ganesha, go kick his ass.

Totally. It's just like, yeah, I'll take care of this business by sending my son. I'm sitting here with your mom. Go play. Go play outside. Kill a demon. I can Jared Kushner of the Hindu mountain gods or whatever. But yeah, but Ganesh is like, no, yeah, no, I can take care of that bull.

Guys, like you sure you don't want me to go with me? He's like, you are the comic fucking relief. Why would I want you to go with me? Why would I want Fat Goblin and the jazz scooter that he needs to come with me to have no, no, I'm going to do it myself. Well, also dad's like, no, guys, guys let him kill the invincible demon by himself. Like, he's got money writing on the demon or something, right? Right.

So all right. So Ganeshko's sky floating around until he sees demon guy and then he iron man's his way in there to kick some ass. Right. And when he first arrives, like demon guys eaten some grapes and his minions are pacing back and forth, like video game bad guys. I thought he was going to self kill a demon, right? Is this just me?

I'm going to throw a rock. One of them was going to get a big exclamation point. And then like, he runs to the right. Yeah. Yeah. So he jumps. He's like, Oh, well, I guess I'll have to kill the minions first or the treasure chest won't open. So he jumps down and he's like, he uses the old Betcha can't catch me gambit literally. Yep. For 15 minutes. You something like he dodges

back and forth. Yeah. One step at a time for 15 minutes. Sainely long amounts of time. Yeah. They do. It's, it's like watching the whack a mole world champions. Yeah. It was another family guy jokes, length of crazy over the top. No. Yeah. Also, like he fights five different demons and he takes all of them out with the Mario spin and toss, which we all have down as the Mario spin and toss or the Mario spin throw. Every one of us has a Mario reference on that. Absolutely.

What that is. Well, the entire scene definitely happened when like the graphics guy played Super Mario Brothers and then stole everything. Yeah. Like he did the pacing Koopa Troopas thing. Yeah. Like I want to see like demons installing a big fire stick that rotates. Just like, no, it has to be the size of the entire screen.

I know. What is that? What is that? What is that? I'm sitting there with a music guy. This is not hard. Alan. Canesh could get this.

Yeah. So, all right. So he fights a bunch of demons, spin tosses some all Mario style. And then when all of them are cast aside, he calls out the main bad guy. And then he and the main bad guy stand there like two wrestlers trying to sell us on the pay per view. Oh my God, I was like, how many times have I seen these gods outside of a denny's at four in the morning trying to get a skillet, trying to get a skillet because I'm too high and I shouldn't be driving right now.

And I got to like make my way past these gods. It's so, and I don't want to be a part of it. And okay, a question. So if those guys outside of denny's were trying to be all tough and like, banter with each other, and one of them was wearing ballet slippers, would that have made it a little bit sillier to you? Because that's what I went with you. I know it's a cultural thing, like I'm sure those are like normal shoes for Indian demon

God thing, but like, it takes away from the sinister banter a lot. Well, I think I would take a leaf out of Ganesh's book and challenge that man in the ballet slippers to tough man to man action. That's exactly what he said. Fun fact, also my search history. Yeah. Yeah. So Ganesh starts off with his laser punch, that doesn't do anything. And then they throw the materialized weapons at each other some more. Yeah. How does this type of dual work? Like, if you name a better object, it goes through the lesser object, but they're naming equal. I don't know. The guys are super bad at the strategy element of this game of object conjured doing it. Collierly.

Because what it was like, spear, same spear tie. Okay. Spear again, also same spear again. Okay, still. All right. You know what? We would like, why don't we do this when our society has some more? I don't want to be this guy.

Tools. I'm going to say tools. Rock paper. Rock paper. There we go. I don't want to be this guy tools. I'm gonna say rock paper There we go through the paper. Okay, well that black guy. I figured that That's a call back to other You can have a finger up your ass. Okay, so that pole on the Facebook I'm gonna have a finger up your ass. Okay, so pull that pole on the Facebook page. So the God, the demon guy says at one point after they've materialized some weapons at

each other. He's like, uh, you can never defeat me because of my boon and he's like, uh, but you can't be defeated by a God or a beast or a man. I'm a half God, half beast, half man. I'm a chimera you might say if you didn't have one. It's pronounced. And that's when he's just like, oh, fuck, I have been had. I'm going to get my ass kicked here.

Ganesh is that guy on Facebook who's like, actually, that's the story of him defeating a demon in the technically. Also, there's this weird moment where the demon guy grows up to God's illicitize, but then once he does, he just blows fire and then Ganesh does his ice sneeze power. Yep. And that cancels out. And my question here is, why would you grow big to breathe fire? Like fire is just as flammable one way or the other. Extra billows room.

Oh, right. No, that actually makes sense. I just wrote in my notes at that point. Quick, Ganesh, form Voltron. I know how this works. I get it's big. Throws the thing. Lord Zad. I wanted to see them explore the fire versus I thought it was like water from the because he's got the elephant trunk. Right. And they spray water, even when there's no water around, they just have it in. Yeah, exactly. Elephants just have a reservoir. They just have always a whole bunch of like a fire engines worth of water.

Like reals. Yeah. Okay. Okay. But they should have, like, they should have done it like the dual, like, named other stuff for the spray fight. And it would have been like oil. And then like, okay, blood.

And like, I don't know, just explain. What, what, what beats what? And then we'll put a Patreon pull up and they'll get it wrong. All right. So spray fight items. Seaman. So the spray fight ends and then the dude shrinks back down and runs away. And then Ganesha jumps on his shoulders, just hitting him on the head a lot. And then Ganesha turns big. You would have thought you would have done

that when he turned big, that would have been the Voltron thing, but no, he fucked it all up. But just then, just as he's about to squash the demon, the demon prays and turns himself into a little mouse. And I'm going to admit, I did not see Mooshok the mouse origin story being a god killing demon. That surprised me. Well, also, I don't see it like strategically. Right. Right. Like, what's the point of turning yourself into a little mouse when you're about to get killed? He even says he's like, now there is nothing you can do to harm you. I'm like, I can stick you inside me now. Right. I feel like that's like finding out that Moses's staff's origin story is that it used to be a child rapist. You know what I'm saying? It's just colors

everything now that I'm like, you hang out with a God murderer a lot. Yeah. Right. You got to figure like the big elephant God that got thrown down on the mountain. Like his wife is at things with that mouse, right? That's going to be crazy fucking awkward. It goes. So, I mean, I guess he's still good for writing though. He's very good for writing.

That's important. Ganesh. Anyway, yeah. So, yeah, completely out of blue, did not expect that. But then Ganesh is like, okay, well, for killing all those gods, I'm gonna torture you with schoolyard bully shit for the rest of everyone's lives. He literally goes, okay, I mean,

I'll let you ride me forever, but no ear pulling. And he's like, got it. Ear pulling. Yeah. All the time she pulled my ears. All right. So then Ganesha reminds him that he's a slave and always will be. And we cut back to the mice at the mansion and they're like, Oh, is that why he can ride on that little mouse?

Now that makes sense. And then that was literally the mice go, should we tell another story, you know, because we said through your four, one of the mice goes, nah, let's end the movie. Yes. Yes, this movie was just bored with itself as I was the fucking mouse goes, that was a great story, huh? And the other mice are like, not, no, not really. And he's like, all right, we're done. We're done. Fuck this. Five minutes of credits. We'll hit that sweet 75 minute mark. That's, that's a feature movie. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, God, Jesus, they were trying so hard to stretch for time. And they

still only got to an hour and 15 minutes. All right. So considering how boring these three stories turned out to be and considering the fact that there is a Balganesh three, what kind of mundanity do you expect to find out about in it? The origin story of Balganesh's pants, fun fact, they were eight-off Hitler. Um, maybe it's just like a two hour montage of putting that book they wrote into a three-ring binder. And then gluing and doing a glue version. Yeah, right. No, they would want to have multiple jackets copying it over. All right.

Well, that's going to do a far review of ball gun ash too, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to start this cycle once again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck Bible man episode two silencing the gossip queen, uh, spoiler alert. She's Jewish. Awesome. I cannot wait to have recorded that several months ago in case we needed an extra episode. Well, time was getting married. She does not know what Auschwitz is.

There's no way the character in that movie is wildly antisemitic. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 139 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you like the count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com. slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us tell by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating a the ascentation needed in the

skeptic rat available on iTunes stitch around wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at gmail.com legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars. All theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatt and the Donald Trump did yoga on Mount Everest in October 2016. Rich Mouse, OD on cocaine, while fucking his sister in ball-ganesh for. Is it? Is it?

Get ready for it. Ganesh, definitely raped that mouse. We were worried about the gap, but it's a mouse. Absolutely, definitely. Fucking. Okay, fucking that was nice. Okay. Okay. It throws an ethnic slur into the file for everyone. Yeah. What the fuck?

Did you hit that button? Did you hit the bus twice? I should have not. What the fuck? We shouldn't have that. Did you hit the bus? We should not have had that. We shouldn't have got the one with the N word button. There's really no reason. Why do we have a? It was a tell. That's what's crazy.

Yeah. Well, I mean, our whole conversation about, well, should we splurge or not, was weird now that I think back to it. Yeah. And just as a, as a, just a general rule on this week, on this week show of something occurs to you, say it because it's going to be, because 10 minutes of this movie are a dance number. Well, yeah, that's everything is like that.

It's like, you know, all my notes are like, wow, he sure has been chanting for 49 seconds. Wow. They sure have been snowboarding for three and a half minutes. And then he's like, fuck are we gonna talk? You know what? The spiritual the 15th time he says that chant, you know, what I noticed was, it's amazing. The fact that these mice don't play two for flinching is the most that I've ever seen.

That's really. All right. There is every Hindu myth, apparently. Either that or one day I tortured a cat the end. One day I tortured a person for a very small reason all of him do with all the geoparently all right

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