God Awful Movies - 140: Bible Man: Silencing the Gossip Queen

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

This week Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of Bible Man episode 2, "Silencing the Gossip Queen", in which they take on a character that is very clearly a jewish stereotype that they never acknowledge. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

Un chapuzón, con el habito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parkesur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bail Guésville Parkesur. And also if you read through the entire version then goes on to the rule of threes and shit and it gets really fucking weird really quick Like like honestly if you reach all the way through you have rape apologetics, but yeah, he only he only quotes the first part And to be fair, that's true of all of Matthew like it's impossible to quote more than a sentence of Matthew before he's like

Because they're coming for your Bicycle 18181815 Swing Bible movie movie Welcome back to the gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because of podcasting doesn't work out I want a really weird resume. I'm your host no illusion and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend He then right he's welcome back. Thanks Noah You know who has lots of Jewish friends. We do. We lost just very important to establish that right now. Lots of Jewish friends. Speaking of which sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend

Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon Jewish friend? I'm good. I'm good. I feel like we need moisy for this episode. Yeah. Not returning the text. You like, you need a like a call. What do they do? Where they take the picture? We need to like take away Heath's ball. All right. So I feel like we need to explain ourselves a bit. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the Bible Man show episode two, silencing the gossip queen. And it's that rare combination of a children's TV show

and a Nazi propaganda musical. It's what Bialyst stock and Bloom should have made instead of springtime for him. That we're in a better choice. Well, what's interesting is that like, this is power for the course. If you're like a Muslim kid show, right? This is like, this is like Muslim sassamist street. We're just not used to seeing it from American filmmakers or television makers or pseudo television makers. So Eli, how bad was this episode? Well, if you love crime fighting superheroes with a holy message and you're a big

old anti-Semite, you this movie. Wow. I don't want to bang the same drum, but man, man, they hate the Jews. It's rough. It's real rough. All right. So let's actually get into the detail, sir, because this movie doesn't have like a strictly anti-Semitic message or anything. It just has a villain that is a little over the top for Mel Gibson's dad, right? Like he was just like, guys, the hook knows really we're going with the, they did. Yeah, they went with it. And the hat. Yeah, the villain of this and the boof font here doing everything. The villain of this movie, the villainous of this movie is

the gossip queen. And she could not be more of a Jewish stereotype. Oh, absolutely. She is the craziest version of a Jewish stereotype humanly possible like a weird anti-semitic triple speak of a stereotype. Yeah, and we should point out that the actress is not Jewish. She just plays it Jewish, plus they give her a fake hook nose. I think they took away the horns at the last second, but this is actually Willie Ames, the the star director, writer, choreographer, etc. of the film. This is his wife.

That's Buddy Lembeck's wife. Yeah. It's the gospel. Yeah. Oh, yes. Very much so. I'm so happy. Do you think he was trying to send a message by typecasting as an ugly gossipy bitch?

Well, hey, honey, you know what? You should play in this one, an ugly bitch. If, hey, honey, you know what you should play in this one? An ugly bitch. If the two kids are the perfect girl for you, she, she starts producing a mini series. It's like the tiny dick man. It's a new show I'm creating. Fucking tiny dick can't find the clitoris man. Rod. Alright, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the best at the other worst at? I would. I would. I'm going to say best worst ADR. Amazing to do the

overdoing. At least three different times we watch Willie Ames trying to say two numbers, like from a Bible verse, the line is like Ephesians 15 11 and in the take they kept his mouth is moving for a good like 30 seconds while he mangles the second number. So they have to ADR over it and put in one number, but for like 30 seconds, it's just complete nonsense. It's amazing. It's a Godzilla movie level bad ADR. Oh, he accepted it's like suddenly a Godzilla movie, right?

It's not like it's that way the whole time or anything. Yeah, I know it was spectacularly bad. Like we've watched vultures of horror and by that standard, this was so fucking, I was surprised that they kept something that bad in Bible man, right? Like that's, it's so bad that even given the quality, we've come to expect from multiple viewings of Bible man episodes, I was like, oh, come on guys, you can do better than this.

All right, so I have a best worst here. I wanted to go with best worst schism. You're talking about the kids, right? Yes, yeah. And there's a point in this movie where like everyone has to get angry at each other. And they have, like, apparently they've given themselves 14 seconds to have nine people get mad at each other

for nine different reasons. So it's this weird, like, human centipede of fucking foibles that has to happen in order to, like, actually work this into the time frame they've given it. Is there such a thing as emotional impermanence? Like you want your baby to have object permanence? Is there emotional impermanence? Like you put a mirror in front of these kids and they'd be like stop copying me and they get in a fight with some mirror in like within six seconds.

Subject permanence, they lack subject permanence. Yeah, exactly. We've discovered a whole new disorder by watching 130 some Christian movies who would have thunk. And again, I just got it. Just one more time. That's where it's unintentional anti-semitism, right? We sure it was unintentional.

We are not sure. I'm not. A hundred percent sure that like six years later later someone was like, hey, is that character supposed to be Jewish and really was like, oh no. Right? I was just thinking, you know, like a sneaky person with a beaky nose. I'm like a Maggie, so a new York voice. That's the stereotype. Well, maybe Jewish people shouldn't be so. Oh,

all right. Yeah. Okay, let's go with unintentional. It's way funnier that way. All right. Well, if we drag out the intro too long, we're probably going to think better of reliving this experience. So we're just going to pause here for a quick break and we come back. We'll dig into all the Judeo phobic dance numbers that are Bible man, episode two, silencing the gossip queen. Hey, folks, you know, it's not very often that we get to talk about listener responses here on our show. And that's because mostly you're all pretty cool. That is when Eli doesn't write sketches that some people

interpret as pro bullying. Because it was. No, you're right. It was. But there's one person who's feedback. We'd like to give some special attention to this week. Let's call him Mike. Mike has contacted us on every podcast we do and every possible medium, every few months since we started podcasting. Now, we're pretty sure Mike has never actually heard any of our shows since he never addresses anything we say or do, but he knows there's atheists on it. And apparently that's enough. And the thing that makes Mike special is that he's obsessed with our sexuality. And he likes to rhyme. Seriously. So, I mean, those are two great things.

What do you think about it? Yeah. Like, you're gonna have to explain further when I'm explaining. No, yeah, exactly. Exactly. In the abstract, this is a good thing so far. But in homage to today's episode, here's a special song that we made up of a selection of 100% real quotes from Mike's email that we like to call,

that's why you're queer. I love you and want you to really learn But your fakes and someday you will burn That's why you're queer You hate your lies That's why you're queer You must not love your wife I live knowing that God is on my side There is only one God to feel. That's why you're queer.

Also, your white Trump got elected. All caps. You abortion supporting murderous horse. You have allowed the devil into your back doors. But when you stand before God, you shake with fear You deny God to excuse that you're queer. That's why you're queer. You made your life. That's why you're queer.

You know you can't love your wife. I live knowing that God is on my side There is only one God to fear That's why you're queer Are you getting these emails? Wanna know? Right back soon Reverend Pastor Mike

You will die some days Though you think you won't You think you know everything, but fake news you don't. The devil has told you you know it, but when you die, that you will have to fall. That's why you're queen. You hate your life. That's why you're queen.

You know you hate your life, that's why you're a queen. You know you hate your wife. I live knowing that God is on my side. There is all that one God to be. That's why you're a queen. Only one God is my God, how lucky man. I live knowing that God is on my side Then there's only one God to be That's why you're here

There's only one God to be No other God There is only one God to be Just by That's why you're here Alright, see you on Twitter. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start off with some basic science stuff and beakers, flasks, a sewing machine.

You know that at one point he turns to the set guy and the set guy's like, it's white. the set guy in the set guys like it's white. We'll you're being silly. You're silly. Now get out there and do your little show. And what's amazing here is that what we need to see here is just Bible man and his lab doing Bible man stuff and what they've decided to make him do is show up his suit as the heroic moment that we got, but I love to that in science, apparently we color code all our liquids with primary colors.

It's one of each. So we see him doing his science and whatnot. And of course, we also noticed that someone is watching him through a magic mirror, apparently. And she's a Jew. Yeah, they've been at almost 30 seconds before the first eight crime. It's not quite. Here it was. We see the most ridiculous stereotypical Jewish like she's wearing a Halloween costume

called evil Jewish woman that we know, no, definitely exists at like the Kansas Hobby Lobby. Where are the fuck? Absolutely. You know how like you can only get mint flavored sprite below the Mason Dixon line. You can also only get the Jew costume and the Halloween adventure below the Mason Dixon line. Well, so funny because we've, of course, we talked this up in the intro, but as I'm going back through our notes, I'm like, oh, yeah, there's just like, we each have eight lines of, oh, my God, she's just an evil, Jewish. Okay.

Well, here's the crazy thing. She's also got a long Island accent, right? Like, oh, he knows gray skin, the hair, which stereotype, which comes from anti-Semitism, but like he can kind of forgive it. Long Island accent, you're thinking Jew. I know you're thinking Jew. You know you're thinking Jew. Yeah.

Like honestly, at this point, I'm expecting the Jewish lady to be like, well, the Holocaust was real and then like, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, no, it wasn't. It's got some queen. Those numbers are exaggerated. I'm Bible, man. Like that's almost what's going to happen in this episode. It is. and like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop loose slips and blabber mouth. And honestly, I was just grateful that they weren't like squimble and mowgliels. No, this was a completely different stereotype.

They have different ethnic groups and weird stuff. And they keep going with this. It's not just the Jewish thing. Yeah. But the loose lips too. Different way. Yeah. No, these guys are we're, yeah, we're thinking we're going Italian stereotypes here, but it's way more something like they basically are carrying around plumbers, helpers, but we'll get there. I wanted to comment to on the gossip queens, Throne, which is a leopard print blanket arranged a la pillow fort behind her. So I don't know what happened.

Because here's the thing, like Bible man, most of its sets are a church basement, that same room in a church that we've seen all of these episodes. And then like the super duper, duper nice Bible man lab, which we get to see the second floor of in this episode, spoiler alert, which makes me think that Willie Ames was just like, I don't know, I've budgeted like 150,000

for the Bible man lab because we're going to use that all the time and you have, I don't know, like $7, $7,000, you're going to be included in there. What can you do with seven bucks? How much was the costume at the party? Yeah, right, right. $3. Well, we promised to put it on a movie. They said they give it to us for free. It's like, bers yeah, $3. Well, we promised to put it on a movie. They said they give it to us for

pre and it's like, bazaar.com. So the henchmen, blabbermouth and loose lips have been sent off to destroy the Bible youth group. So they walk through her evil mirror. Yeah. Okay.

So apparently that's something you could do. They definitely had the following conversation when they made this episode, they're like, oh, so what's the thing? You know, Jewish people in mirrors, some of there's like a saying about Jewish people in mirrors. Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew. Do you know mirror?

Never be, fear, that just, you're thinking candy man. Not like it's they don't show up or they can, no, that's it. They can walk into them. They can walk into them. They can walk through them. Yes, okay, that's what they're watching you through the mirrors and then they can dive into them and get the silver because they're made out of the silver. I'm going to work. All right, so that's the cold open. And now it's time for that sweet, sweet Bible man opening

that even though this is our third episode, we still each have a page of notes about, because it's like, oh, you know what else I haven't said about this yet? Yep. So you learn to appreciate the subtleties of it. It's like good enough to like the third or fourth time you watch it, you realize what David's made entirely drops character and starts to look off camera in the background whenever he's not talking.

It's like that with the five-o-man opening scene. You start to get the little moments of it. My realization I had was by a man's origin stories and nervous breakdown. Wait a second. A lot of superheroes start with a nervous breakdown. I actually can only think of one superhero who doesn't start with a nervous breakdown. They're just all lucky people who had nervous breakdowns. And then I just wrote Superman.

I can only think of Superman. So yeah, so so it's a reminder here. This is how the Bible man thing opens up. It's like, uh, so and so was a successful, powerful person. He had it all, wealth, status, success. And they give us a demonstration of those through three things, right? We get a totem of wealth status and then success. And they get all of them wrong. Yes.

There's their examples of ridiculous free trade. Like wealth, they show you like a hundred dollars, a single hundred bill inside a money clip that's supposed to hold many, like they don't even have some singles to fill out the lot of money to put inside their 100. They don't even have a metal money clip that money clip was like bought with fucking tokens or goddamn tickets at the arcade or something. It's a plastic money clip with a burger king pay check in it. Also also gloves.

What one glove? Yeah, one like the econ one-on-one example of something with no value left glove by itself. Like really that's in textbooks. Also like what kind of weird fucking one-gloved coat parties are the picture in that this single hundred dollar bill and one one glove is wealth. That's wealth. Yeah. And they're only a third of the way and to fucking this up because then they have status, which is a copy of the Wall Street Journal and

a cheap laptop, a newspaper, having a newspaper is sad. I don't know if you know this, but they just sell me the Wall Street Journal. I'm gonna make it. Hand them the coins and they hand me the old outdated medical education every time. I also have this Apple Newton pad that I'm gonna go crazy. Yeah, right. It's super big success. Babies first bite, they're also a pencil cup. There's a pencil cup there.

That's part of it. Because honestly, like which of those three items, those are the three things we see, the Wall Street Journal, a cheap laptop and a pencil cup. I don't know which one of those is status. Is that like he was on the, the front page there already? Anyway, and then we get success. Oh, that's so sad. Here's the thing that breaks my heart. It's a great thing. The fake Rolex is the most hard one. Yes. Right. Because it's sad enough when you meet a goyem who's like, you see this thousand dollar watch and you're like, yeah, man, get a fucking phone. But it's even sadder. And like, you see this watch, it looks expensive. No, it doesn't. It looks like you're a male pro.

From 40 years ago. Well, it's not just the watch, though. You also has a key ring with four keys. And honestly, the key chain still has the price tag on it. It literally still has a price tag. They're going to return that later. They were like, okay, well, hold on. Well, we're not going to spend all that money on the prop. Yeah. Right. No, success is when you have like, you know, a shed in your back that also needs a key. Yes, there's two house keys and yes, there's a carcass, but also a fourth key. What is it? P.O. Box, maybe like a rich person would have like a successful

person would have one of those fireproof boxes for my $1 bill. Now, you never know after this, though, we get something very important. We get introduced to our cast of child characters so quickly and interchangeably. It's hilarious. There's like they introduce 97 kids in a quarter of a second. They're like, this Barry and Larry and Sue and McGay. It's just like all the children's play out, except of course for baby. They introduced last who weighs 135 pounds at the age of four. Yeah, well, okay, it's pretty weird the way they they introduce them to they like they do the

cast one by one like like they're announcing the starting roster for the fucking next guy. It seems like each kid should be like naming their superpower after they show like a worthy smile cannon Ryan childhood diabetes like Also good before they before they introduced the kids too We have that iconic scene where he actually has the aneurysm that turns him into bimal man So they have they say you know, he said wealth status is success But then one day he lost it all and the way that they show that or like he realized it wasn't enough for some, the way they showed us his him, yeah, almost losing a fight with his briefcase. He starts dumping it out like, like this is how you become an atheist

apostate. You like, and your briefcase full of like spreadsheets in the rain, like reject that secular math, like fuck this. Yeah. Now he's Bible man. Yeah. So that's how we became Bible man. And yes, we get billing for all the kids, Ashley and Sparky and whatever. All right.

So now we cut to the school where uh, where Bible man is apparently also the, like chemistry teacher or science teacher. Okay. And we need to talk about his sweater vest, right? I don't know what Williams was doing. If there was a big and tall store that offered to sponsor this episode, his sweater vest is approximately 435 sizes too large for him. It's circus tent. It's fantastic. And his corduroy is too. He's got like corduroy with like about a thousand pleats in them.

Like, you could fit five of him inside his clothes right now. But I kind of like the 90s, they were a simpler time for for fat kids. Every section was the husky section. Everything was big and tall. No, it was. It was great back then for people with a 27 inch waist. So yeah, and what what happens here is that the one kid, Ricky, all the kids names and with E, by the way, except for exact for fat Ryan, but Ricky is passing a note. And the way

this scene plays out is Bible man says a science sentence, a kid passes a note. And he's like, Ricky, I noticed you passing that note. Let me call you out. And then the bell rings because otherwise they would have had to come up with a second science sentence. He was sweating already. Yeah, I'm playing. He was like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, That's something come on really you can do the super simple but Jaina nope that's it all right Choose buried all the fast and you just throwing out slurs what I'm sorry here we go

Gook Gook Ring the bell You guys have a button I see the button Come on So yeah, so he gets saved by the bell from that second sentence. Of course, Ricky has to stay back while he looks at that note. And he's like, hmm, I sure feel sorry for the person they're making for you're making fun of in this note, Ricky. I wanted it to be him so bad. Oh, opens it up. And it's like, Hey, can he not afford a vest that fits in?

And just like, I feel bad for whoever this is about. I know my best fits. Super. So. But Ricky sure is sorry, gospel, Mr. D and he'll never do it again. Yeah. And Willie M says an ounce of gossip is worth a pound of trouble. That's exactly where it's for his last. I really wanted Ricky to start asking about that, Matt.

Be like, okay, wait, so hold on, a trouble is only worth one sixteenth of a gossip. What the fuck are you talking about? And draw it on the board. Keep talking about the Jews. What were you saying earlier? And I would like to emphasize this gossip is amazing, right? Like I had forgotten until I watched this episode that that's something you're not

supposed to care about, but it's an adult, it's just the fucking best. There is little better way. That's a bad lesson to teach people. I can walk up to a total stranger and be like, you wanna hear about my best friend's wife, what I caught her doing? They'll be just like, yes, strangers do it.

You wanna get some fucking coffee? A dog. They'll just eat like, and about her off anything, my friend. Come on. Let's talk more about the the value of bullying. There's some strong opinions on that. Oh, no, there's going to be some victims of gossip.

We're like, actually, I was gossiped about in school. It was really hard for me. Yeah. That's a lot of people are feeling that way right now. No, you are the victims of gossip. What is wrong with you people? All right, so, no, I'm your own. You're all heroes, just like soldiers.

I'm gonna tell you a story that's true. When I went to high school, a significant portion of my high school class believed that I sacrificed animals and that at least one kid had witnessed me doing so. Did you sacrifice animals? No, I didn't. I sacrificed any animals. I feel like I sacrificed animals and then at least one kid had witnessed me doing so. Did you sacrifice animals? No, I didn't. I sacrificed any animals. I feel like that's what you're saying.

No, yeah, right now I have to do have to put that on. I'm an atheist after all. But yeah, like no, they're like, yeah. So yeah, there's definitely, there are definitely victims of gossip. But yeah, no, I'm still with, I'm still with your overall message, gossip is awesome. Thank you. And if you have any by all means, send a tea because I know what to do with it.

It's really good. Send him your deep secrets too. He really handles those well. Yeah, yeah, for sure. All right. So now Bible man is leaving school. And the evil one of the evil henchmen's bladder mouth or whatever shows up. And the evil one of the evil henchmen's blabber mouth or whatever shows up and tricks Bible man into an impromptu game of tag.

You know, the old come and get me, Ruth. Yeah, right, though. I bet you can't catch me and then he runs off. Yeah. And okay, so I want to talk real quick about the appearance of these henchmen. Oh, yeah, of course. We started to mention it already. I want to talk real quick about the appearance of these henchmen. Oh, yeah. Of course. We started to mention it already.

So the bad guys right now are either a Jewish mudwitch. We talked about her already, or Italian mimes, but like Italian American and kind of dressed like gay, Mario and their mimes with with dried mashed potatoes on their face. Yeah. Very clearly what happened. Yeah, very clear what happened is when they got the Jew costume, the guy was like, I got these Mario and Luigi costumes. I used to think stuff. You all want them to. I couldn't eat all DNA evidence to be taken out of this store and they were like, yeah, sure, absolutely. And then like Williams had

a breakdown and screamed. the Japanese are coming. So they painted their faces green. And they were like, see, will they totally different? And he was like, okay, okay. Okay. It's just, they get trees stacking up real fast. So why don't we just, he's it. We'll stick with the gay Mario thing.

The button. Now, we'll pin in the Japanese face. We'll maybe do that. There's a third episode. Don't worry. I love do that. There's a third episode. Don't worry. I love to that. Okay, as if Willie Ames running wasn't awkward enough, they also give him a stack of books in a briefcase to carry through this chase. Okay. It's so because this actor is so much faster

than Willie Ames. Oh, yeah. They have to do their absolute best to like have him just like serpentine back and forth. You can see the shit running down his pants. Oh, God, I should have done insanity. Oh my God. But now wouldn't you know what it turns out that this is a trap. He turns a corner and he's like in this weird alcove with a basketball court and everything. And he's like, oh, it's a trap. I better pray to God for my Bible man costume to be on me now. Yeah. And a full grown man changes into Spandex and a cape in the middle of a school yard with a must at this point like if a full like if that It it shouldn't go well when that happens Well in this in this episode. I don't like this is why we need to arm the teachers for full grown men

Yeah, if we're gonna do that. This is the only good reason Well speaking of arm teachers this motherfucker has a lightsaber, which they made no effort whatsoever to do light this time with it. So it's very clearly just telescoping plastic. It's a wipple ball bat. It's stupid. It's so stupid. But of course, the Mario Mime also has a lightsaber. So they're going to fight because this entire series is an excuse for a grown man to

play swords badly. Oh, very much so, very much so. This is like he just was like, all right, I need at least 45 hours of me sword fighting other men or I'm just never going to come. So by the man, I don't care. So we're going to figure this out. Get in your goddamn tube face. Do you want me to even get hard?

What's going on? Put on the tray. So, okay. And then this is where we got sort of, I think the central element of the Bible man mythos, which is the, the Bible quote, shit talk. Oh, it's amazing. It's amazing. And there's two different ones in this scene that were pretty ridiculous.

First he quotes Romans 12, 21, like it's a big deal, but it's the dumbest. All that says is, I looked it up. It says, basically just win instead of losing. Good is better than bad. That's one of the best. Passes for wisdom in the New Testament. Yeah. And and then he quotes John 5, 4, and he claims that it says, with our faith comes our victory. But that no, that I look this one up to that. No, it says it says being born from God is a victory that actually Trump's faith. Yes. Read your fucking. Yeah. And this is why I was going to be art asshole. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, get there. But yeah, so he's, he's Bible quote, shit talking, uh, mashed potato Mario, but as he's doing it, gossip, Jew and gay Luigi are sneaking up behind him. I'm just surprised he couldn't smell like the bagels and locks. He was like, I'm sorry,

Sam and, oh, you got me. Right. But instead she sneaks up and gets him with her, her jewelasers. These are her beams of bitterness. And you have to admit that would be the superpower of a Jewish woman though, wouldn't it? Yeah. I mean, I have those two. I get it. Oh, okay. Shoot him out over the airways.

Every Tuesday at Saturday. Yeah, right. Yeah. She might as well burn down a building and collect the insurance money. It's so fucking rough. And not show up for work on 9-11. So okay. So the Mario brothers kidnapped him. And now he's out of the way.

So she can destroy that goddamn youth group once and for all. But before she does, we have to hear that church group singing. Yeah. Okay. Here's the thing. I rarely warn people when they're about to watch these movies with us. You can find the song. That's why I'm here. Bible Man show on YouTube. Do not listen to this song unless you want it caught in your head for the next seven years. I'll just like random times. I'm going to shoot it out with a bolt gun. I swear.

Oh, okay. Well, so maybe we can exercise it from your brain by actually breaking down the lyrics here. I have to sing it away with one eight seven seven cars for kids. I'm men. All right. So here's the song. Now we have to keep in mind. This is being sung by 10 year olds. the way you expect 10 year olds to sing with crimp tear, by the way. Oh, very crimp tear. So she goes, every day that I live is a chance to be awareness of all God has done for me. Yes, that's the beginning. That is not an English sentence. These liars were written by the guys who wrote the instructions for my phone's accessories

and shit. Every day that I live is a chance to be awareness of all God has done for me. Anyway, that's the opening. It gets worse. This is creepy. He loved us so much that he gave his life. And now I want to give him mine. That's very clearly about suicide, right?

I expected her to just slither wrists right there. Just keep singing as she nails herself to a cross. That's why I'm here. Clamp. Ah. So then we go into the chorus where she goes, that's why I'm here to be like Christ. That's why I'm here every day of my life. Yes, Christ and life have rhymed now.

That's why I'm here. That's a great rhyme compared to where we're going. Well, no, that's true, especially when the gossip Jews start singing. She goes, I'm going to live without compromise as the day of the Lord draws near. That's why I'm here. Right, nice little work in of an apocalypse promise into a I love in this part though fat Ryan starts singing when there was no lyrics and they do not cut away and it's amazing it's just like a good five seconds of him being like and I'm sorry. Sorry. I see him looking at the cameraman and apologizing.

Sorry. I will say anytime Ryan is on screen, you watch Ryan. If you're going to do this movie, right, you keep track of Ryan. That Ryan's the highlight of this movie. He's occasionally pulling out candy bars from nowhere. Throwing him down his throat. Like a very specific tumbler. Being judgmental about a thing I brought up earlier. Fine.

All right. Oh, by the way, are we going to discuss the fact that she's singing into a tampon? Yes, man. What is right? That's, it looks to me like the kids just found a tampon and they're like, look, guys, my crew phone. It's even got a little wireless cord. And I don't know what it actually was. I feel like they wouldn't have

used a tampon. Carrey's mother comes over and she's just like, and they're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh. Anyway, so she sings into her tampon even more. She says, that is stem cell blocker. Yeah. That's what that is. That's a stem cell blocker. It's a tadpole. She says, I've got to be strong. So my friends can see how knowing you,

Lord, is changing me. Sure, sure. Yeah. Now we're done with the e-runs. We move on to the U-rimes. Don't worry, there'll be a's later. May I point the way and all I say and do. So those around me find their way to you. Yeah. And there was some fun sexual tension between the Callie character and the Nikki character. Oh Oh yeah, she definitely does the Michael Jackson pull her up on stage. Can I think do you think it's very intense. So also then we get the chorus again. And at the end of the chorus, there's this weird moment. Okay, through all of this, four of the five kids are all sitting together in a group. And then Ashley, the little black girl is sitting off in the corner. She doesn't get any books or anything like that. She has her own water fountain and it seems like after the chorus, she is about to go into

her solo or at least think she is and the camera just abruptly cuts away from her back to the white girl. Yes. Okay. I'm glad you noticed that as well because I was like, did I miss her? Cause it's very clearly like doing the camera float up her torso thing. And then it's like, she's, but I feel like she had a verse where she was just like, y'all, the fuck is need to learn right now.

And they were like, oh, okay. Yeah. So instead we get crimpy hair saying now Jesus knows what we're going through, because he lived on this earth just like me and you. Okay. Technically, he had superpowers, so not like me and you. No, that's true. That's true.

And this is where Nikki tries to start singing, but gets the lyrics horribly wrong, and they show us that too for what? It's like every white person and the rap song comes on at the bar and they try to do it and they put them to have to stall on the N word and they're just like, y'all. I thought I told y'all my N word before. It's tough to know y'all my N word. It actually, go watch a white guy do that song because they hit the fuck with me so powerfully.

If they're avoiding the end word, they'll, tall, young, brown, fuck with me. Don't fuck with me. I ain't saying it, so don't fuck me. All right, so she carries on. Speaking again of Jesus, he promised to guide us every step of the way.

He only wants to hear us say. And then they go to the chorus again. That's why I'm here. So all Jesus asks in return for his sacrifices that we spend our entire lives devoted to worshiping him all the time. Heck of a guy that Jesus. Yeah, it's like when someone's like, Hey, can I ask you a quick favor?

And you're like, sure. And they're like, help me move, but for your whole life for the rest of the world. Wow. You should not introduce that with quick favor. All right. So having now politely waited for the musical number to end, the two evil mimes

show up dressed as janitors with L fears and tried mashed potatoes on their faces. They're in disguise, y'all. And their plan is to gossip about the kids to like, yeah, get, and I just want to say that even though this works, it's weird for janitors to have the latest gossip on kids, right? Hey, man Give a shit Aren't you a grownup Yeah, so the one janitor saying to the other he he's like, hey, I heard that that Nikki was a real bitch.

And Ricky over here is that Nikki is a bitch. Yep. Oh, and by the way, just just to recap the stereotypes we've hit so, yeah, politely offensively. We obviously we've hit Jewish lady. We've hit Italian Americans. We've hit, I think gay people. I think we've hit elves now. I just, I wanted to see a few more minority groups get stacked into this and introduce

to this bad guys, just like bebop and rock steady wearing hijab. And then like, it felt like it was going to keep going pretty, pretty crazy. I feel like as we get into the series, you know, that, And if any of you were elves in high school, I just want to apologize for Heath's joke now. I know. Okay. So, yeah. So Ricky over here's the two janitors gossiping about children. And they're talking about how one of the little girls was mean to the other little girl or one it was talking behind the other little girls back. So he comes up and he just like gets like mean to the other little girl or one it was talking behind the other little girls back. So he comes up and he just like gets like nose to nose with that girl.

He's like, bitch. Yeah. Literally. It's just like, Hey, maybe you could because all their names end with E. Yeah. It's like, Hey, Ricky, can you help Nikki? And instead he just gets raging bull levels of close. And this is where we get into the schism, right? This is where I was talking about at the beginning where now all of the kids have to get angry at each other separately through sillier and sillier communications, right? Because the first

one is like, okay, he overheard the gossip. And then she's like, I don't know why he would say that to me. And it's like, say that to me, I'm a vegan, vegan. I don't mind that, the Vulcan. By the end, I wanted like the last book or just walk over the black girl and just be like, and word, what? I don't know why I said that. Sorry.

No, I threw that out there. I love to, as this is going on the complex blocking involved in this. There's a part where fat Ryan has to walk by Ricky and they like, they shoulder up, right? They, they go, they're going to do it out. How I will pay anything to watch those children fight. And I've paid a lot of money to watch children fight other children. Those, that is the, that is the McGregor versus wife, beater of, not, of, over that guy. Let's flood me.

One of the, sure. You're right. I should have been more specific. I was talking about boxers. Yes. All right. So now the kids are all fighting with each other. So we can cut back to gossip

quiz, Yashiva, where Bible man is writhing on the ground here. I want to point out that so far in this movie, Bible man has been worse than useless. No. And I just want to say, look at the way Bible man was dressed. Okay. This is how you get off. Cheese and I'm just saying I'm skeptical. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So now I guess the roofies are wearing off now. And so she's like, you know, talking shit to him and he's throwing out his Bible retorts that are that's just your opinion, man, levels of crappy. Oh, my, it's amazing. They wrote again, I, it's rare now that I get to come back to our real original sentiments about Christian movies, but hey, you get to write the movie really struck home for me in this moment. It's just like, ah, you always think you're so much better, everyone.

I am. Nope. That's not. It's 12 to 20 really already did that one. You repeated that one and that was shitty. But I went on three one two three. When Christians because Nope, I did that one.

And this is where he goes, I've read the whole Bible. He's supposed to say I've read the whole Bible, but he says I've read the whole Bible and I kept expecting him to be like, not just the index, the whole thing like what? I thought maybe that was him like, you know, protesting too much there because he had quoted Romans 12, 21 twice and it's such a shitty. I can't think of good ones too. I've read the whole damn thing. Well, and he also says after that, he says, I've read the whole Bible.

Your side won't win. He's saying this to the Jewish lady. Did you, did you have people lost in that book? Did you not, you did not read the whole thing if you're not aware of what happened with, with that. That's my opinion. I, I had a theory that when he says I read the whole Bible, he meant not just the Old Testament. Oh, clearly.

All right. So now in a bizarre twist that will never make more sense than it does now, the Gaza Queen is like, well, I know you're my art's now, Mrs. being a home now. If you like, she's like, well, I did, you know, you spent a lot of money on the sat with the beakers and shit. I still have this goddamn leopard print blanket from the general, the dollar general behind me and everything. So, uh, yeah, you go back there just five minutes of him walking away silent awkward. Yeah. Fantastic.

Well, he has to pull out his lightsaber right now, which means they didn't bother to disarm him after they kidnapped him, keeping mighty at his lightsaber in his hand when they kidnapped him. And the bad guys are unarmed. So he could like take them out now, but he doesn't. And this isn't by the way, like a power rangers, they won't escalate the conflict type thing because he later murders all of them with this sword. Anyway, but before we get that, he's got to go back to Bible man HQ where he's wrestling

over the map screen from Star Fox. Just watching a screensaver. I don't know. I can describe it as you ever turn off porn in a hurry on time and the person walks in and they don't know you were watching porn, like they didn't catch you and they're like, yeah, that's how he's looking at this. Facebook audacity Facebook. I was just called tweeting. I was watching this video of earth moving through space. And that apparently is all that's happening. That's it. Just in case earth stops rotating. He wants to be

the first to know. But there are switches. He switches to a sign curve graph that explains his headache. Well, yeah, because next to that, there's a generic picture of a human, like the one from the pharmaceutical commercials. And then there's the sign wave next to that. Yeah. With the, yeah, this is your circle area.

And this is the headache. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you're too close to end of your headache. This is the sign of your headache in case that helps you. Does not. That's stupid. That's meaningless. Yeah. Then there's also a radar screen. Yep. To track incoming headaches. I don't know what he's doing. Every screen is not a road runner cartoon going on in there somewhere. Yeah. Anyway. And okay. So she goes, he's standing there. He's got a headache. That's very important, apparently. And he's got roofied, which

they address as if it's not upsetting at all. They're like, yeah, we just, we roofed him. Yeah. Right. I wonder what happened in the interim. I'm skeptic. I want it like a slideshow of roof unite pictures to show up on the screen. It's like the end of hangover. Him, the gossip queen, like pulling teeth out with pliers, just dead with dicks from all sides. So he's talking about his head, I can go, he goes like, why did she let me go? Again, that will never be answered. Why bother have him dwell on that question? Well, I assume it's because she's Jewish and therefore probably a little suicidal and she knows when he comes back, he'll murder her. So she says, all right.

And since the future of the Bible club and Bible man's migraines are literally the only stakes this show is going to offer up, I need to inject some suspense before the break by giving actually the hard sell here. Will the kids solve their conflict in time for the Bollywood dance number? Will the henchman defeat Bowser's sinister machinations? Will the gossip queen rape Bible man to death? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the counter-aclymactic conclusion of Bible man, silencing the gossip queen. Hey, Carla, what's you doing? Oh, hey, I'm just checking out the fantastic pornography in the

members area of browsers.com. Brasers.com. What's, uh, what's browsers.com? Well, it's the number one. Guys, guys, what the hell are you doing? Uh, sorry. What? Brasers.com doesn't sponsor our show.

Yeah, but you know how blue apron sends us free stuff and stamps.com sends us the free mail credits. Yeah. We were just thinking, you know, yeah, maybe we just start the ads. And you know, they'll like that. So the stuff you're doing this all wrong. Hey, Carl, what you doing there, buddy?

Oh, hey, I'm just checking out the fantastic pornography in the members area of brazist.com. And smoking these smooth, mobbaros cigarettes. There we go. And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our hero the youth group hung in the balance and we're gonna start off Reminding you of that with another scene of the same thing happening The kids are all giving each other the silent treatment. I just wrote my notes. You're breaking up the band Yeah, I wrote that their Bible Club got Jillian to put that shit between us They're all giving each other the silent treatment. I just wrote my notes. You're breaking up the band. Yeah.

I wrote that their Bible Club got Jillian, but that's between us. You still listen to an animal. Do you still listen? Anyway, yeah. So there's there's clearly there's no coming back from this level of Bible Club division. This is Israel Palestine levels of just North Korea versus South Korea levels. It's just, it's, it's, like I said, it's an all out fucking skism at this point. Right. But then Bible man walks in, he's not Bible man at this point. He's the teacher at this point, right? Yeah, yeah. He walks in. He's like, yeah, I realized this is, you know, a private student led Bible club that's consistent with the first man meant all

other Jew laws. But I'm clearly a charge here. You guys need to fucking calm down in the name of Jesus and stop gossiping. I thought I just wrote my notes. Okay, I know this is private, but I'd like to butt in like all weird adults, but in our tastes, like to introduce coach Dave. He'd like to say a few words. Everybody taking me. Here's coach Dave.

Talk about gossip. Yeah. So I was expecting the next scene to be like Nikki and Ricky burning Mickey at the staker or whatever. But instead Bible man has gone and put on his Bible man costume. And I'm with you. He's I was guessing that this was his way of being like, it's not, it's not teacher letify man disguised as Um, so but now they're walking down the street and Bible man's blame in the juice. I he's like, does anyone remember like a super, duper offensive Jewish stereotype?

Yeah, he's like, now when you guys were right before you guys started getting angry, does anyone remember anything different? Yeah, anything weird about that last meeting, any like Jews or Italian elves? Yeah, it was a great, it's Italian, it's amazing. No, totally. Do you think that's causing this? What am I thinking? And there's this also amazing moment where you go see like you kids you need to watch out for

Satan's minions or whatever. Yeah. And at one point the kid goes aw this whole thing is my fault. And by the way man it's just like yep. Yep. He nods. He nods when Ricky says, oh wow it's all my fault. He's like yep sure is a little bitch. Shouldn't have made fun of my sweater vest. And so, but then we have to have each of the kids like one by one disentangle the conflicts they had earlier. As so many of them are ridiculous, if that it becomes like unintentionally hilarious immediately.

Yeah, again, the third and fourth girls got in fights because they just took the last word that someone said and assumed it was about them. Yeah, right. No, it was feels like confusion about pronouns there that got the last of them. Yeah, one of the lines was, oh, I thought you thought I was conceited. That's why you need Oxford commas or else people are going to get a quad gossip and schisms. I was like, I love Ashley assly, the little black girl. She's like, I thought you guys were all just being a bunch of assholes to each other. I'm like, okay, yeah, but she was right.

Yeah. By the way, why was black girl drastically younger than everyone else? It's like, I mean, there's no reason for it. It's just like four middle school kids and a black fetus. And like, that's the past. A weird little group. I don't understand. Well, they had to reason for it. It's just like four middle school kids and a black fetus and like that's the past. A weird little group. I don't understand. Well, they had to go for some diversity late. They couldn't, yeah, they couldn't find the black girl the right age. I don't know. And that wouldn't surprise me. But then this

is where we get the ADR that Heath was warning us about the first best, the first bit of it. He quotes, okay. And this is what I think is that he he quoted like he's like, well, according to Matthew 1817, but then they realized afterwards that the right quote was 1815. Yep. That's exactly what happened. Okay. Okay. We actually have to play that we could not do this justice without you need the clip. Yeah. Yeah. So Morgan, if you'll play clip one place And you one of us could have stopped this whole mess, but just talking first That's right Nicky Matthew 1815 if your brother sins against

I love it so much. It's like Matthew 18 15 15 might as well be a different person's voice just 18 15 Right How many times do you think Willie Ames tried to say 18 15 before they gave up? Yes, I understand Yes, also let's point out that this part of Matthew is just join me in the kitchen for a whisper fight, right? It is the William Wissbury fight in the kitchen origin.

It is. Well, yeah, and also if you read through the entire, uh, the entire version, then goes onto the rule of three and shit and it gets really fucking weird, really quick. Like, like, honestly, if you reach all the way through, you have rape apologetics, but yeah, he only, he only quotes the first part. To be fair, that's true of all of Matthew. Like, he's impossible to quote more than a sentence of Matthew before he's like, because they're coming for your bicycle.

Oh, 18 18 18 15 18 18 18 18 15 better better better better better Swing Bible I also love the way this closes it's like you know We've all learned an important lesson today and bio-mengos and speaking of lessons I have a judo smack Got a bostaparian Jew mudwitch to deal with peace.

So okay. So now we go back to gossip queen's layer and she's going to sing us a song about gossiping. Yeah. This is a prequel to Marvelous Miss Maisel. I heard from he that there were slave ships filled with dead bodies. So this is fine. Don't worry about it. Oh, no. Okay. I want to dig into that. Did I make that up? You're not implying that no, no, that joke obviously have it worse than shoes in history, right? You're not. No, you're just protecting the plate. You had two strikes. Oh, into a character's now. We don't just break.

Yeah, it's good. You're protecting the plate. You had two strikes. I think you got you might have saved it. But I know if you guys listen back to a couple other episodes, a couple other shows, just see what I'm talking about. I had a lovely Marvelous Miss Maisel joke. But now we're just fine. Fine.

It's fine. Good flex citation needed. I'm just fun. It's funny. It's cool. I love playing low status. So yeah, and by the way, I don't want to fuck a kid either. That's also a security. That's a joke about pushing social mores that I we use based on

me saying alternative stuff earlier about that and they were supposed to interrupt me and they didn't and we kept it because it's funny how to just we're all we're here. I was just I was gonna like I expected you would keep character and I could just keep talking with you a little bit there that was my plan. Oh wait, I'll go back never mind. Never mind. Who's the Jewish Martin Luther King? No, you know what?

Because we're too busy funding the Martin Luther King's that's right. More like now who can't write his own checks. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you use funded a large part of the civil rights? Yeah, that evens it up. Yeah, that check. There was slavery, but that check, there was a check in the 60s from someone to someone. Let's all remember all the numbers He let mix great points guys with the two whitest names Bosnick is extraordinarily white

Both my but both of my real name and my fake name are Julie They're pretty Joey. Yeah, I wasn't thinking about you. I wasn't thinking about you. I'm not going to name any names. I'm just saying. Okay, well, both of my names are Nazi, but that's not really. I'm not. We're getting off track.

I'm just saying if we go far back enough and everyone's family tree, we're going to find some slave owners and it's not going to be with the Prishnops case. All right. So now speaking of anti-semitism, I have to point out that we all have some form of this at this point in our notes. The gossip queen is getting more Jewish as the show goes on. Oh, she's, it's fiddler on the roof at this point. Like it's over the top. She's got a beard. She's doing a bottle dance. She's got payas. Yeah, it's crazy. She rhymes. Floss it with gossip. And then you get to kind of work with the accent she's doing. Yeah,

that, again, that was one of the better rhymes. It's, it's so rough. Oh, they eventually stop trying. They're like, there's a faucet and I got there. And hello there and everybody go home. Yeah, I know. And immediately after that, they tried to write, do they try to rhyme secret with did it. And also tell me with you and me, they tried to rhyme that, but they miss, yes, they missed rhyming me with me. They were supposed to say you and me at the end. And she says me and me, they tried to rhyme that, but they missed. They missed rhyming me with me. They were supposed to say, you and me at the end and she says me and you, it's amazing. Shit. Fuck, second take?

Nope. Nope. You can see everybody thinking about stopping and then just like, fuck it, keep going. I got a little way of saying. I just couldn't name numbers. That took forever. We're just getting it going. Right.

I so wish they had just like ADR did William sayingims saying it, you know, her singing. That would have been me. Me 11 shit. Me 16 me. Damn it. All right. But eventually Bible man shows up to put it into this goddamn musical number. But his lightsaber, of course, there's no match for her Jew lasers, but then he believes in the Bible and reflects the Jew lasers at the henchman. Yes. So then he murders Luigi and then murders Mario in the same manner. And then they managed to fuck up the ADR even worse This might be the best one although there's another one after this too. Yeah, this is the last one

I felt the need to clip out of the show so Morgan if you could roll clip to there I told you gossip queen. I've read the Bible and your side loses you don't believe that Bible stop Ephesians 6 and a less has put on a full armor of God. Now keep in mind. Reward just a brief record of it. Fuck it's seen. We're a goddamn podcast and we would just re-record it. Ephesians 6. 11. This says put on God's armor. Oh, also God Jesus Ephesians 6 11 we could we could we could give you that one off the top of our heads based on the last couple of months alone. Yeah, no shit. Honestly, it sounded like they had to ADR the ADR. Like really? They're like, just say 11 now. And

he was like, 11 said it. They're like, oh my God. He's like, no, just keep it. We're people. We got it. We got it. We're good with that. And then the next day to be like, oh my God, we didn't get it. Just say 11. We'll get somebody else to do it. Fine. And then correct me if I'm wrong. And then she's like, you wouldn't kill a woman. Would you? And his peak of the episode is him going, yes, I will. Yeah. I killed the woman. Yeah.

Well, and then like she dies horribly and then he's got to turn to the camera and kind of wink and go, you know, Bible warns about bitches like that, doesn't it? Yeah. Jewish ones. Yeah. Cut. Cut. What did we say?

Sorry. Japanese. Well, no, god damn it. WAP! All right, so now that all of that's taken care of, we have earned a musical number from the kids. Now, I actually mean that we've earned it this time because this time it's a song and dance, which means that fat Ryan has to dance.

Maybe he is giving this 10,000%. It is. It's the best. It's the literal best. Okay. At any point, if you pause during this thing, Ryan will be completely offbeat and do it his own thing. And Ricky's mom will very clearly have made him do this. Oh, it's fantastic. You can watch him let get

further and further behind the beat. Not not even evenly though. He just gets like awkwardly less and less close to the beat. And then like every 10 seconds, he does this like horribly awkward reset where he jumps back to try to start up. That's the great. At one point, he just really does his own dance. He's just like in the back just like, the sun he's doing a sprinkler. Yeah. Great.

He's cabbage patch. Oh, we had. Okay. Also, okay. So while he's doing that, this 11 year old girl is in the front singing about all the horrible sins that she's committed in her 11 years. It just got increasingly uncomfortable,

especially when she started singing about a man being deep, deep inside her. Oh, when the lyric got the child more. Yeah, sexual. When the lyric literally got sexually, and she says, God lives inside of me. And like, okay, that's, you know, you can interpret that line. But then she literally points at her vagina when she

says that is very advantage. And then in emphasis, this deep deep inside of me as she's doing and she like curled up to get the G spot. It's not good. Yeah, not good. No, no, no, not okay. Also, can we talk about this crowd? Oh my God. The crowd watching this looks like a PSA about overflouration is. It is a people of Walmart memes, every fucking one of them. Oh, it's a fed. Yeah, they all look like plague villagers from Monti Pai. but then there's this like extremely ugly child too. There's a bunch of, there's like, like a reverse Zika baby out there.

Nobody is just like a big white or head somehow, like a mascot for an orphanage. It's so good. You could have sold ad space on that kid's head. We probably do now. So yeah, and this goes on forever, by the way, we are still watching this and we always will be. Like there are nine courses at the end of this fucking thing. By the end of it, Ryan is 30 seconds behind everybody else.

He's so late. He might as well start his own new movie. And then the whole thing comes to a close with a big thumbs up from Bible, man. He likes watching children shake their butts and talk about their sins. Yeah, they do the big ending post thumbs up. And then like 45 seconds later, Ryan, like slams into the frame. Do you want to thumbs up? Fuckin the Josh Gaden book of Mormon there. Yeah, no, he was amazing. Again, like if you just make sure you're watching him every moment that he's on screen, the movie's worth watching.

All right. So now obviously this is the moral of the story is pretty easy. It's that if you want to be a good Christian, you shouldn't gossip. And since we very clearly don't want to be good Christians, I guess that means we should gossip. So you guys want to start any rumors? Oh, finally, you've been taking my suggestions from the box. Yes. Okay. Thomas Smith's baby isn't his. Oh, Jesus. Because it has feet, because it has feet, it obviously has feet. Yeah, that makes it better. I think that he could do and probably has done better,

but that's not, that's not on lit. I mean, this is a lot of you. He doesn't listen to this show. He does it. Sure. And here's the greatest thing when enough of you tweeted him, he'll text me and be like, what'd you do? And I will tell him it'll be like, well, this is where it lies.

I'm not making it through an hour of your show. You guys picture Thomas Smith and some Cuck porn with like, but it's foot porn and Cuck porn at the same time. That's what I'm picture. I'm Googling that now. Oh, yeah. Good looking guy that Thomas. All right, you got any rumors, Heath? I, yeah, okay.

Tom from Cognitive Disnance is DB Cooper. I'm not like I'm 50, 50. That's fantastic. Yeah, no, that actually is very likely. You make a lot of sense. All right. Now, obviously we've become huge fans of the Bible man franchise, but I think it suffers from the same problem as the MCU, not enough good villains. So in the interest

of job security, I wonder if you guys have any suggestions for like future enemies, Bible man could take on. Uh, mad was El masturbation. She's like, uh, super high Asian stereotype. Well, she's not 11 years old. It'll be a step up. Um. Um, about, um, Martin Luther King Jr. Yeah. Yeah. With them, they'll make him Jewish for this one. He ends up with Abe Lincoln and they get him.

Yeah. And well, that's going to do a far review of Bible man silencing the gossip queen That's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to pay the bills next week So Eli tell us what's on deck Bounce I mean cries of the unborn cries of the unborn so with that to look forward Do we're gonna bring episode 140 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to all the patreon donors to help make the show go If you'd like to count yourself among the ranks you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help us out a ton by leaving a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows and skating a the citation needed and the skeptic right available on iTunes, sit your in wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email god awful movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of B. Andrew Torres.

Our theme song was written and performed by Brian Slotnik, legal draft son, Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clarkson, was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neil Iboznik, I'm an Oligions promise to work hard

to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Bible man eventually got killed by a slow-moving coin passing through his face. Blabbermouth eventually ate a fire flower and fuck BABLMAN shit all up. Tom, what's all the plane money? Give me all the you money! I'm a Mara Bull Dancer with this money! Got it, kid. We're talking about the bullpen. Were you calling to the bullpen to get rid of me for for mojito?

Replace you with mojito because he's semetic. No, because he's funnier than you because he's not. It's because he's Jewish and we bring him for the Jewish thing. Don't do this. Don't do this. He's. All right. Don't do this. Heath. Alright. And these are all pulled from his email.

I changed a couple of words to make them rhyme, but these are all 99.99% pulled from his emails and Facebook. That's fucking hilarious. Are we not about to sing this all together? No, we're gonna. Me and Anna did it. Okay. Fine. Moishie take over for me. That's fun. That's fun. It's just about to go fuck yourself. I'm just uncrimping my hair like fuck man. This is forever. like fuck man this to forever ever. Fine.

No, go pull that as pay us throws him on the floor. I will fuck you. I did costume. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Say the word say the word. I already give you money or you're supporting a lot. Oh stop. No, I pitched it wrong. I pitched it wrong. No. Lot of your stuff's on porn hub.

I can watch the first eight minutes of like all the stuff. I want to tell you that's. And that's all I need. Yeah, let's face it. Who the fuck needs more than eight minutes. That's like three laps right there. Yeah, right. Exactly. as long as you can pause it Well done heath I'm in my 40s. I need to pause I want to medium or

Went from a minute now it's forever ridiculous went from a minute now it's forever ridiculous. I murdering her. It's literally when you sent for those of you who were murdered in high school. This is why your teacher should have had guns. So evergreen joke everybody, you like that the year 2027. How did I know? Since I did it. I guess yeah, make all the high school shooting jokes you want, even no matter no matter when we release this episode that will be topical.

I love the Marvelous Miss Macy. I'll call each other up. I'm stuck on the show. I bet his gun's stuff to say. It's fine. It's fine. Oh, and then we have to cut that part. Do we? We do.

I'll lead back. Fuck him. Let's do it. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyrighted 2018. Fuck him! That's it!