God Awful Movies - 155: GAM155 Bibleman Episode 4

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Bibleman, Episode 4... or, at least, what Pureflix had incorrectly labeled as episode 4\. It was actually episode 2 of season 2\. So don't be surprised if you're a little lost. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

But just the idea of like non-obidient data makes me very happy. I love the Christians think of data as potentially like, oppity. That's amazing. Fake ones and twos. FAKE ONES AND TOOS! SIFER JUST WIPPING THE NUMBER PIE! YOUR NAME IS THREE! YOUR NAME IS THREE! THIS IS RACIALLY INSENCITIVE, BUT I'M GANGING THREE! God awful!

MOVIE! MOVIE! Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be He left his my good friend Heath and right. Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah. So you know who's a little tired? Who's that? Eli. He doesn't, he doesn't have the spoons this week. He's a little tired. So let's, let's do our best to pick him up. You know, he like he's going to be more of a comedy anchor than normal.

I think I really need to pick up the slack for him. We'll do. We'll do. And speaking of which, sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick, other than the spoon thing Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am fantastic now. Well, or as this movie would say, I am a diagnosed depressive in a dying medium, hoping I can establish financial security before the medium

bills under wing, wing. Sure hope I don't have to go back to being a waiter. Yeah. How clever and meta of you, Eli. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? I don't have the spoons. I don't know. I. I don't know. I wish he, I wouldn't say things.

Okay. Well, we watched Bible man episode four. It's the story of, I really have no fucking idea. Like, you're supposed to be a lesson about humility, I think. It's hard to say. The movie has a stroke at one point. I think. Yes. Yes.

And it confuses itself with words that cancel each other out about being proud and humble and godlike at the same time. It's really hard to, it's Christian Humble brag the movie TV show. Yes. unaware of the meaning of any of those words. Yeah, there's an enormous number of words they are unaware of the meaning of. All right, so Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love gay, cook, slash sci-fi porn videos, but you wish more of them were

interrupted by a music video made up of the dialogue from said porn video. You will love this movie. Oh, hey, also, if you love it when people have a meta breakdown throughout the course of making children's television show, you'll love this. It's like a Barney the Dinosaur took off the mask in one episode and was just like, oh, I'm going to molest people in a massage practice in 20 years. You did that. Google that. It was a lot like that though, actually, in every possible way. As a matter

of fact, if you told me that that was how Willie Ames and the crew sort of celebrated on rap night. I guess I couldn't argue. Okay, so is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst understanding of computers. So this movie thinks computers are like low level gods. I'm pretty sure.

Like computers are quantum warlocks who can manipulate the fabric of reality. Sometimes for nefarious purposes, you know, like a Jewish person. They're like a Jewish person. They're the gods that the Old Testament God keeps talking about. He's like, that fuck you. Yeah. Turns out the Old Testament is just recording of him at the Apple store in 2020. Just, I got to sit back down.

All right. So I was going to go with, I changed this out of the last minute, but I'm going to go with best worst abs. Okay, we'll get to it when we get to it, but they said the nipples on Batman suit were too much and Willie Aime said, hold my juice box. You know how old doels, you know how abdominis recti has a word that sounds a lot like rectum in it. We'll get to it.

And again, I hate to be a broken record here, but best worst time to have a self realization, i.e. in the middle of your propaganda children show. Yeah, it's of all of Willie Ames's mental breakdowns. This was perhaps the worst time. Now we know what they were ADR over. Yeah. The other episodes, you know, kids in God damn it. I was on Charles and charge. But Psalms 21 something over it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck. All right. Well, Willie Ames has some children to touch and that can't wait for long. So we're going to pause for a quick break and when we come back, we'll dive into all the grown men playing Fords that is Bible man, episode four. Hey podcast listener, you know, there are many milestones in creating a podcast. The first time you get a thousand downloads,

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and we'll help. So head over to squarespace.com slash awful and get your idea off the ground. Send us an email and we'll put your site in a song during our next Squarespace spot so everybody can know how excellent it is. Don't have an idea? Why not make a gam tribute website? A Ray Comfort fan fiction portal or a website to host a certain ramen cooking show. The sky is the limit. Either way, we can't wait to see what you come up with. Squarespace. Think it.

Dream it. Make it. Squarespace. Mr. Ames. Uh, please. You can call me Mr. Willie Ames. Right. Cool.

Okay. So we said in the last meeting that this week, we tackled a question of Bible man's sidekick. I thought we resolved that last week. Uh, I don't know. Um, you became convinced Larry stole your lucky bookmark and you derailed the meeting, demanding he'd dance for you inance if you're a member correctly. That's right. I did. Yeah. Right. So about the sidekick, I was thinking, how about a survival black man? Nope. Nope. And he desperately wants to be just like me, but he never measures up. And he could cook for me. He could clean for me. No, this is said no. Maybe call me Massa, you're in there. It's not hard knows all around Mr.

and Mr. Williams. Two ideas. How about a computer that very clearly wants to fuck me? This is a kids show, Mr. Ames. Sure it is. If this was a kids show with the outline of my penis, be this obvious Dave. Sure. I don't think you can have an African American man servant or a sexually repressed computer as your sidekick.

Mm-hmm. You know what? You're right, Dave. Whew. Okay. Good. We are going to do both. What? Out dance. Nope. Dance for me. Okay. You like this? You like this? This is good dancing. Got hit by a waffle iron full of bees, right? And then we swing back over to Cypher.

He's trying on new undress. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you not like it when I start in the middle of a thought, leaving you thinking shit, did my phone skip or something? Well, now you know how I felt at the beginning and it's fucking movie anyway so we're back for the break down at bible dance fight back guys god damn it and we watched them run onto the scene yes and then and then turn around and start running back the other direction. Like, like people were going to be confused if they just started the scene inside a room. Like, that makes it

impossible to start the movie anywhere that's a physical location in the universe. You will never convince me that this isn't just footage he had of one of his victims escaping. And he was like, that's using the movie. I got security cameras. So, yeah, we're zero seconds in by what mass plan guns with two bad guys. And he's got a drone, a very poorly CGI drone next to him. This is the physical embodiment of his computer units. Yeah, there's two of them. So he's going to whip out his units. Yeah. And he says to

units, he's like, initiate faith shield. Right. But that's not what it is. Like she makes an actual like, you know, force field shield for that's an evidence shield with a real. I want a faith shield now where he's just like, faith shield, she does nothing. Get shot in the stomach. Oh, that's all you, bro. Just believe, man. This is a bad way to learn three true things.

Stop. I'm doing a face shield. I'm going to get a fake shield gone. Yeah, we all believe in the shield. Then you'll just not fire because you're dead. You guys are high in burying my face shield away. It's you being negative. But the way, but now the thing is that's amazing about this is that just like in real life,

the faith shield isn't enough, right? Faith is not enough for him here. So he says to Eunice initialize multiple deflection sequence to which he says initializing multiple deflection sequence. And I'm like, Hey, this is life for death. Maybe you should have short commands, right? I'm trying to try to get Siri to tell you the weather when you've just been somewhere else. Siri, what's the weather? Weather in here. Here. No, stop, stop talking. Stop talking. Always here.

Yes. I always what time is it now? He writes. I had to give mine a guy voice so I didn't feel bad in erupting or I was like, hey, shut the fuck up, Siri. You're doing that. Now, apparently, by the way, the multiple deflection sequence that Bible man has on his shields make lasers bounce around like Super Ball until eventually they kill the people who fired them. Yeah. And when I say kill, by the way, I mean kill, like he melts the humans into a green bubbly

muck. Yeah. If you were worried that a Bible man didn't have enough. Gore. We're going to get some in this episode. Yep. Also, can we talk about his new Bible man suit? Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, everything's new. It's, it's, yeah. Yeah. So I guess season one just crushed it. So now they have way more budget after their three year hiatus. And now he has a suit that's not like just a homemade Halloween

costume from the Depression era. So that's good. But they got way confused. We already started to mention this earlier about abs. He has way too many abs on this thing. What? What? They're on his back. They're on his scene. Yeah. Willie Ames is like, I want 32 pack abs fucking figure out.

Abton is dancing. Abton is on his eye. It's ridiculous. He looks like grapes became a superhero. It's just, it's the grapes crusader. The models who do the beach body videos would be like, okay, you need to see a doctor, man, you have a weird genetic. Yeah, basically, it's like a tread that just runs all along the, the, the, the bodice of his suit, basically, right? So yeah. And then of course he kills the bad guy

and Udice is like, wow, that was fun melting those two human beings to death. And he has to go, no, Udice violence is never fun. Says the grown man who plays swords for a living when he can. How sad is it right that this came out three years later? Think about it. That means that Willie Ames like wandered from studio executive to studio executive sucking ever more diseased cocks with hopes of showing off these three shitty fat Ryan dancing videos that he had convinced in his heart that more lay ahead for Bible man. God, that's sad.

God damn project. Also, like, can we talk about the weird, biggy, fuck buddy that wants to take things more serious way that unis initiates this conversation? Right? She's like, Hey, this is great. We should do this more often. What are we? I want to buy them and be like, ooh, I don't like labels. What's that? Evil alarm. I am your evil alarm. Yeah

Yeah, I see the thing for me right now where I am emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. This is also where we get the first Bible quote, which of course he does throughout. We get a Psalm 3710. He's just deflector killed the two bad guys or whatever. And he says Psalm 3710, in a little while there will be no more wicked people. And does that sound like the fucking Bible quote?

No, that's not it. Pretty sunsletons, no more wicked people. Can we? No, no, it's actually close to right, but that's stupid. I think he was mistaking it for recording artist Uncle Cracker who said, in a little while, I'll be thinking about you. In a little while, I'll still be here without you. Oh, yeah, that maybe. I like Uncle Cracker. Actually, at first thought he said, pretty soon there will be no more

Wikipedia, which was even weirder. I don't know what he was pictured there, but yeah, no more Wikipedia people pretty soon. I can see why the Christian might be pissed about that. Doesn't help. All right, so now we move away from here. It's time to meet our bad guy who's looking in on one of those ubiquitous omniscient crystal balls. They hand out to all the Bible man villains. Is there been a single one that can't just see into his fucking hideout? I think he hands them out.

Like I think when they become a villain, he's like, hey, do you want tapes inside my house? Oh, what's up? Yeah, I got some cameras set up if you want to watch me poop or our blocks. I don't need all the, wow, 47 bathroom cams and two in the main layer. Can I just get the, no, all right, yep, I'll take them all. And this bad guy, by the way, he looks like the tin man joined the Bork. Yeah. Yeah, like they were just like brainstorming different stuff and they just put it all together. Like what should the bad guy look like? Everybody just fucking shout him out.

Uh, Romans and Turion, uh, uh, steam, steam punk star, fucks. Uh, Woody Allen. Great. Okay. We're done. We're done. steam punk star fucks. What do you Alan great? Okay. We're done. We're done. I was about to yell dead body, but you said what do you Alan? So they yeah.

I mean, but honestly, my only note was, yeah, sure, he looks like group fucked prints hunkering, but at least he isn't Jewish. Oh, he does have a sidekick. We'll get there. We're going to get to it. I hate him so much. He's just, he's like every actor in the 90s, I'm assuming because he makes it about half a sentence before he falls into a bad ace Ventura impression.

Just like so just decade of directors off screen going like, don't say already then just please don't say. Oh, what did I say? Cut. What did I say? So then we get, so then we got the miles Peterson had at all intro that we're so used to. And okay, so for whatever reason, we watched this on pureflix.

And the bottom of the screen, the whole time was blurred out, right? Yeah, just for me, or was this for everybody? Yeah, blurred out for me too. Okay. So I didn't, I, whatever, for whatever reason, they had to cover something up on there, some logo or something, they had to cover up or whatever, but I didn't notice it until this point. So there was like one actor whose name was blurred out on the credits and I was just thinking

that they were like, fuck that dude, particularly. Um, but no, special guest appearance by family. Funny man. Bill Cosby. Oh, guys get some blurry. Let's get some fucking blurry. Oh my god.

Hey, Patreon goal. I know we were talking about like songs. There's a, Patreon goal. I know we were talking about like songs. There's a next Patreon goal. We will sink Bill Cosby into this episode of Bible man. We'll bring it ahead. You need to get the zoo scoop them. The whole. All right, Bill Cosby. I'm sorry.

Remember when those were the Bill Cosby jokes, what do you talk like? There's a more innocent time back then. Women ruin everything. Sorry. Okay. So now we're at Eagle Gate Manor, which is the douchey name they've given to Bible man's hideout apparently.

And we're here to meet black friend 2.0. Yeah. And he introduces, he walks into the scene by going, you had two guys on you at once. And I just wrote, man, I hate having these fights. Well, yeah, he says you had two guys on you at once. I should have been there with right. I mean, that's an amazing start. And yes, a bunch of fights with Eli started like that in my experience.

Absolutely. And then the next thing, Boba Man says, back, you can only be in one place at a time. And the boys club needs you, which is an amazing follow up to that first thing. I had no idea what was happening where they're going with the scene. It was disappointing where they went with it. Yeah, right. Well, so Cipher is arguing that he should be by one man's psychic, but you missed the computer is also arguing for that.

And they're having a fucking uncomfortable polyfight behind me at Denny's at this point. Yeah, I want to mute them all on Facebook right now. Just like, oh, okay. This is none of my business. Boop. All right. And so now we go over back to the bad guy's layer. And he also has a computer and she's Jewish.

So there you go. Ty, all right. Who had fourth minute in the pool? Damn it. I shouldn't have chose minute two. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I'm a student. It's a lot of you. I'm a beauty. Based on what we've seen so far, too, was a good baddie lie. And thank you. Yeah. And her name is Lucy short for Lucy Jew, which is clever. That's good. So yeah.

So the plan apparently is the Jewish computer lady wants to get the bad guy who is the Prince of Pride, by the way. That's the main villain of this episode. And the two of them are trying to figure out a way to break into Bible man's press conference and use a laser beam to make him more prideful. And but first they have to have a big messy fight about who got him the job as the Prince of Pride. Yeah. Right. It's like the episode of the office. I expected someone to turn on a fluorescent beer sign at any point. Honestly, I would watch an entire show about this couple's unhealthy

relationship. Now that I've captured you, Bible man, it is time. I mean, now that we've captured you, Bible man, I can finally fulfill my evil plan to make all the children in the world hate Jesus. You'll never get away with it. Wait, no, no, just sorry, certainly back. Your evil plan, really? I'm sorry about the Lucy really right now. This this moment.

No, no, no, it's fine. I didn't realize you came up with the evil plan all by yourself. No, go ahead, continue. Let's see, we have a guest right now. Okay, so it's fine for you to degrade me in front of guests, but not for me to stand up for myself. Is that what you're saying? Should I go?

I feel like maybe I should go. No, it's fine. No, it's fine. It's fine. It It's not losing you aren't standing up for yourself. You are being a bitch Is what I'm calling name go what a doctor Glaber say about name calling? I don't know what a doctor Glaber say about being a fucking bitch Oh such a big man, aren't you showing off your friends? No, not even my friends guys I'll show you what a big man I am Really good fine go do it do it do it you want it right here? I Want it so fucking bad right here right now

Okay, he's Computer I'm I'm I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna go. Nope. Lock eyes with me. Would love to go. Well, yeah, we also have to throw into this mix. The principal is Stoner Gimblutacres, right?

Yes! the Prince of Pride's stoner, Gimp ludicrous, right? Yes. Ludicrous looks like the turtle from Finding Nemo dressed up as a medieval peasant. And was also part of an orphan themed boy band? Yeah, I feel like, which needs to exist. Like that needs to be a thing. Yeah, back alley boys. Yeah, back street merchants. Oh, so much better than me. So.

And of course, they have this little, like, you know, whatever cliched bad guy moment. And then they have some evil cackling. And then the actor loses his goddamn mind, right? And has a breakdown about his career. Absolutely. It's the tail end of Eli jokes that you guys don't get to hear. loses his goddamn mind, right? And has a breakdown about his career, absolutely. It's the tail end of Eli jokes that you guys don't get to hear. He starts talking about it. I'm a fucking loser and this is stupid.

I'm wearing spandex and I got the makeup on and I know that my character is going to get us asked by the dumb fucking williams, bitch. We never win. We put on makeup. One of these stupid fucking costumes. He said he'd introduce us to Scott Bale that never wins. I was supposed to be the snowman in Frozen. You fucking fat bitch.

Bill Nactus can't do podcasting yet because it doesn't exist. So meanwhile, back with Bible, so cars for my dad. So meanwhile, back with Bible, man, Cypher wants him to get ready for his press conference. And Bible man says, the Bible says not to be prideful or arrogant. And Cypher's like, I was just telling you about the fucking press conference, man. Like, were those just the words you were were gonna say regardless of what I said because they don't relate to my words in any way

He doesn't want to get ready because it's arrogant shows up with his dick out Pants are for the pants are for the fancy Pants are for the prance and for the fancy. So why don't fancy pants? Hey, man, why's your dick and any? Shush. All right. Well, you can say a lot of things about Willie Ames, but we know his dick's not an Annie. So it's an inverter, not a shower.

Don't be. He's no Scott Bayo, but we've seen this man's penis. All right. So now it's time for him to get ready to go. He has to put his arm around and as he does, Unison Cypher have to save the name of each piece of his outfit in Unison, like they need Morgan to sync up the tracks later. Oh, it is amazing. So a gambler's, especially the new ones, you won't remember. We used to have a segment on skating, atheist called 30 seconds on the clock, which Keith and Noah were very good at.

And I was, what's the word not? That's how they do their naming of things is if they had zero good answers, they're like, waste belt of. Christian Jews. Also, yeah, breastplate of righteousness,, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, these are the shoes of peace. I just just stupid. Good for you. I'm gonna do the shoes of work. They definitely had a writer who was like,

okay, listen guys, I'm really good at like, you know, blank of blank type stuff to get thrown at me. I'll fucking nail it. What do you mean? Trust me, I can bring the funk. Shield of faith. Didn't we use that three seconds ago?

Yep. And wasn't it a different thing then? Yeah. Okay. Do you know it a different thing then? Yeah. Okay. Do you know what a Literation is? I do not. I'm not helmet of salvation.

Helmet of how vation. Did you say howvation? Yeah. So you do know what a Literation is, but that's not helpful. And then Bible man walks out and like after he's got the waist belt of truth and the breast plate of righteousness and all, he walks out after they will all said that. And then he

says, and the sword of the spirit, which means he wouldn't let Cypher or Eunice say the cool sword line. He had to hold that one for his own. Oh my God. I want to be at that table read where ciphers got it and he's like, and the sword. I think it's, he's better if I say that one, right? I feel like just for my character won't make sense if I don't say the one. They're the only one we got a little iteration on to. I mean, I just by the man, not by the man and friends, right?

We're not Josie and the fucking pussy cats here. I'm scooby-doo. Oh my God. I have to point out here too. So now he's in his outfit again and we have a close up of Willie Ames in the outfit and I wrote my notes, those are the saddest eyes and jaws I've ever seen poke out from behind a superhero mask. And for context, I've worked in Times Square. Oh, I have seen a Batman finishing a foot long sub that someone else loaned him in the middle of Times Square and it's got nothing unwilling aims. Anthony Bourdain would call a hotline for this dude. He's like, oh, you okay, man? Yeah, I have personally, and I think you guys too, been co-workers with a 350-pound

spider-man in Spanish. That guy was the best. He was actually the best. He was the best spider-man in terms of like his energy, but all right. So now we cut to the press. Right? Just like statistically. All right. So now we cut to the presser. They're announcing this press conference that he's got. They're announcing that they're going to do a new Bible man comic strip in the

shotsville Gazette. Right. This is where it really hit me. Can we talk about the irony of a fighting pride episode in a show made, produced, directed, written, and story? A guy who pretends to be a superhero of God. today's villain is the solution. Sorry, Van Gogh. Great point. All right. So now also apparently the comic strip that the Bibleman comic strip that's going to debut this Sunday, worldwide, apparently the shotsville Gazette has worldwide distribution, you see, is drawn by an 11 year old kid.

Oh, and honestly, this kid is such a better actor than anybody else in the show. It's embarrassing. Like he's guiding them through it. Like, hey, William, it's just you and me, buddy. No cameras. Just relax. Oh, no. Talkin.

Oh, no, You'll be talking. Where's talking? Don't. No, you're good. A Bible, man. Don't look at the cam. Stop being matter. What do we say about that? Okay.

My name is Williams. But just as we meet the 11 year old, okay, this is Steve and the one that draws the comic, just as we meet him, the bad guy shows up to use his secret laser beam to make the kid more prideful. Now, before he can get a shot off though, cipher, the sidekick, where the would be sidekick shows up to pitch himself as the sidekick in the comic to the 11 year old kid. Right. In the in the middle of the press. In the middle of a press conference, yes. And everybody is just like, what?

And is this like really long awkward silence that I don't know, correct me if I'm like, that felt super racist, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Nobody says anything overtly racist, but they're all just like, black guy classic. Okay, that's a real people talking in the press. But the behavior itself, he's like, Hey, Steve, I'm a full grown adult. But will you make me Bible man sidekick? Is this weird? I see porn, Steve, hardcore stuff. I'm not talking about your dad's playboy, Steve, I can get you pee. I can send away for whatever you want.

That's a super computer. So now, okay, so the press conference ends. There was one question in the press conference by the way, the press conference was, Hey, by man, how awesome is it to be a hero to which five men says, no, no, that's God. God is the, is the good guy. And then the press conference is over. That's all. And let's face it, what other questions could you possibly have here? And then they have to introduce another kid. This is Tyler because Williams has a minimum number of boys. He gets to touch per episode apparently. Also because none of these movies, not one can just name people normally. They were like, all right, we need the names of two children. They're like, Steven and Tyler, don't say Tyler.

Are you gonna hear us? I'm saying it's the first round of Smith. Don't say Steven Tyler. Steven and Derson. Oh. Baldwin. So you want him to be Steven and Baldwin or Tyler. All right. So just that though, just as Steven is meeting Tyler, the bad guy shoots the kid with his arrogance

ray and Steven becomes a total douchebag. Yeah. And the evil thing he says is no, I actually don't need any help with this project, but thank you Yeah, right I wanted Tyler the kid who asked to help out to instantly kill himself just like That was fast Steven that's on you buddy fast. Stephen, that's on you, buddy. That was more of a Baldwin thing than a Tyler thing, but that's cool. Someone's getting a tape. So Bible man also gets shot with the with the arrogance right. And his response is to turn decipher and say, Hey, man, these fake abs and my armpits make me look fat. Why, uh, my look okay. Guarantee you that was a retroactive edit. Like they had footage of Willie being

like, I look good, right? Like these abs aren't stupid. And they were like, just do a shot of him getting hit with the rest of the way. But she was just trying to make me cry again. Right? Right. Also, by the way, the pride laser thing makes everybody flash red, like bright, red over and over. Right. And I just wanted somebody to acknowledge that, just be like, hey, okay, just real quick,

was that child that, you know, we're in charge of for today flashing right, right? Like bright red just now. Like the weakness of a boss villain. I was just going to say, is Steven a boss is about to be defeated? Okay, no, but he definitely flat like, like, he just got turned evil is what it looks like. I feel like, like, do you have evil nemacies? Cause it's like you're wearing an absurd muscle suit and a cape. It just feels like, oh, cypher, you're so afraid of hates.

Come on. Back to the things. Oh, sorry. Sorry. No, it's just me. I'm just, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. All right.

Black. All right. So now we head back to Bible man HQ and Bible man is going over the images of his super awesome comic character. Yeah, he's looking at sketches of himself, you know, like a humble person does. Right, right. He's got very specific. Jesus.

And by the way, like, let's just say it like these drawings are shit. Oh my God, they're so bad. It's amazing. I thought, okay, yes, they were bad. We all agree. So they all look like that kid who drew like Wolverine, okay, in middle school, but then he never gets better. Yeah. And then shows you it in high school and you're just like, Hey, you're getting a used car place, right?

Maybe they didn't need to get better because they were really good to begin with in middle school. I don't know. So, yeah. But Bible man is worried that the drawings look too good. Because if he looks too good, it'll draw attention away from God. And that'll be bad. Yeah. If I look too good, then that's bad.

Willie aims to himself in the mirror. See, this is how much sloppy fat I was going for. I was going for this much sloppy fat because I don't want to be perfect. My fans are going to expect too much. They're going to want more dick and more dick abs. If you draw it like that, they're unrealistic setting me up for failure. And of course, the bad guys looking in the whole time and the stoner dude is worried because he doesn't think it's working because Bible man is still being humble, but the prince of pride explains that he's now being proud of being so humble. Yeah, also known as Christian, I think is what that's right.

Exactly. It's almost like you accidentally proved that holding humility as a goal is necessarily self-defeating pointless and impossible. Huh. Oh, by the way, for apropos of nothing the lady robot that works for the bad guy would like to fuck bibo man what they were sitting in the room after all the a shots had been done uh can't help but notice no one explicitly says they want to fuck me and I was pretty sure I wrote on the whiteboard that everyone in every episode

We'll write a line for the computer. Is it a lady computer? Yeah, it's a lady Sure, she's a Jew willy. She's a Jew make a make the computer a Jew Okay, I'm okay with I'm gonna let that go. I'm gonna let that go. I'm gonna write her strike. One to write for the daily show. All right. So, so now the bad guy teleports over to the boys club. All right. That that cypher looks over. Apparently that's where Stephen draws the comic and by the way, Stephen has a sweet fucking office. Oh my God. I expected Stephen to have an intern to come in. He like slaps his ass. Tells him to get him off me. Yeah, I mean, I'm setting up my new home office and I'm thinking like, fuck, I got shit on Stephen. But then Bible man shows up and they have this conversation about like, maybe he looks

too cool in the comics. And I don't catch a word of it because every time Bible man moves his suit creaks. Oh, absolutely. And it is squeaky shoes levels of funny. Oh, it's, it's genuinely hilarious. Again, if this were on purpose, it would be amazing parody because he's also not super mobile with the 97 abs that they've ran for his ass. So he's like, Steven, I want you to know that I really think that it

ain't you should move over the head. Right. And he's going to sit on this. I'm going to lean on this one butt cheek. We'll move towards this desk. And am I wrong? He's way way too hard on Stephen, right? He really think of my sketches. And he's like, well, Stephen, it's dog shit. You should fuck yourself to death. Follow Tyler into the light. If you know what I'm saying, yeah, right. I was going to say, speaking a fuck yourself to death This is where Tyler shows up with some of his sketches too. I need to look extra medium. Are you fucking stupid? What did I say? This is not gonna work. Okay fine, so Nothing you want me to draw you? Enjoy his one hand clapping with the fuck does that mean I got a blank piece of paper tell me when I'm going to learn what the, you enjoy his one hand clapping. What the fuck does that mean? All right, got a blank piece of paper. Tell me when I'm there.

Oh, okay. Yep. Got it. Now, and we should point out by the way that before all of this happens, the bad guy comes comes over and zaps the fuck out of this kid with the, with the arrogance laser, right? Hit some like eight or nine good times square in the face. hit some like eight or nine good times square in the face. Yeah. The laser hitting this kid is so weirdly violent. Like the kids takes a full, it's really fun to watch. Like I rewind. It's like Richard Spencer getting punched like you're like we're not supposed to do that, but you got to admit how fucking fun is that to watch just. I'm playing. So. But then Tyler comes in with some of his sketches. And of course,

at this point, Steven, so arrogance rate up that he's basically like, fuck you, eat my turd motherfucker. Eat this turd. And then walks off the best. Now, Bible man is suspicious though, right? So he calls, say, for he's like, I'm beginning to think a demon was superpowers and future tech is making the kid who draws my Bible comic strip to prideful. And say for say, no, that makes sense. That's literally his line. No, it makes sense. Make sense. Apric, Jeff Goldblum would have popped out of a trash can and been like reaching. I'm a bad actor. I shouldn't be in movies. And then Bible man says, Eunice engage multi particle scanner.

And again, because yeah, because when you got a scan of one at a time, it takes forever those particles. So particle scanners. I wonder what they think those words mean. Like one of the thing particles are unblocking or multi. The particle scanner breaks the multi one. They're stuck with the old one We're gonna advocates in a manual credit card Williams gets his hand stuck yeah, of course all right, so but of course he's using his multiple particle scanner there He can now find the bad guy.

So it's lightsaber battle Bible quote, fight time. What? Except at one point he goes, the man in spandex, do I look like I'm kidding? So it is blind. It's a weird, I wanted the villain to be like, no, dude, you look, you look like you're gay. I mean, okay. So here's the thing though, the movie was being like, it kept doing that whole meta self-aware

thing. But at a certain point, that's just lazy, though, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. If we stopped in the middle of this thing for me to say like hold on let me let me bring up my gain a little bit That's that's met up Either way, I'm gonna try to use that all the time now just like I'm a man in spandex. Does it doesn't look like

Can you see my dick? What do you think? I'm all the way serious. Does the Spandex with his boner showing? No, yes, whatever it is. Yeah, does this look like a penis outline of a man who's not being serious? Do you like my jokes? No, then I'm a provocateur. There we go. We solve it, everybody. Give me back my Disney movie. All right, so the fight goes on for a while, and then the bad guy leaves, because that's just how it goes in these uh... in these shows so he uh... bible man goes back to you and is to get his dick checked out

mm-hmm and ciphers pissed because he quote missed another fight scene okay this movie's getting to met up like i was worried this movie was just gonna keep up the metta not stop all by the man did you do another fight scene without me? Sorry, cipher, a percentage of our audience is racist and doesn't like when you're in

the show. I know, but every minute of screen time I get gives me more to scrape together for a real and a desperate hope to escape this career path. Oh, trust me, cipher. This isn't a career path you escaped. It's like quicksand, more realistic propaganda, quicksand, that is always somehow too little money and too much time. You said it, Bible man. This is what Willie and I do instead of sex. Yeah, I don't think they know they're in a TV show, but then it's confusing because they're

still using words like scene. So it's like they're on the third level bluff with Willie Ames. Like he's in on the joke with everyone, but they're trying to make him feel like that. Like yeah, we're in a TV show wink, right? Right? You're part of this joke. You get it. Oh, I hope you don't write me another $1,000 check.

Oh, no. That's my weakness. Not another $1,000 check. Will you buy, oh man? No. All right. So they're trying to figure out who this bad guy is. And then suddenly, Bible man has a thought.

He says, wait a minute. He called himself the Prince of Pride. Maybe he's the Prince of fucking pride. Yes. Good. Excellent. That's correct, Mr. Ames. Well done.

And then of course, he has to call upon Eunice to read him some Bible verses. Yeah. And also scan for cranial disturbance, which she's unable to identify his head hurts. And she scans it for cranial disturbance. I wanted to be like Charles and charge got canceled. Well, I only bring it up because like it occurred to me as we were watching this one in particular Bible versus in Christian movies are like tech babble and star trek. Right? It's just like meaning this word salad followed by a person saying, you mean very clear thing that isn't implied

at all by any of the words that you just said? Yes, that's it. Exactly. And then he sends cipher away so he could be a lone in prayer. And look, I'm about to have my second anniversary. I've been with my wife for almost seven years. I know the how long are you going to be out of the house? Do I have time to jerk off talk? Okay. He's like, I'm a cipher. Why don't you go pick up some milk? I'm going to say milk and eggs and eggs. 18 of them though. You can't go to the gas station for 18 you have to go to the grocery store Look at my spandex boner Do I look like a man who's gonna leave all his coming is suit?

If I didn't realize that was a look until you said that but yes You want to pray back to back together? No, I'll get some eggs. God damn it. I'll pray you watch. Yeah. And by the way, at this point in the show, Eunice just sums up the story in her Bible log because she knew that I would need to take several long breaks before I ever got

this far so then we get the following day bible man still in the corner praying when cipher interrupts him he goes sorry i was praying on and off all morning sorry on and off like you need to be a factory periods for some water. You had to switch over to some dark web prayers. What's going on, man? And with, with Cypher sneaks up on him while he's allegedly praying, Willie Ames literally jumps in fear. Like he might as well yell black guy. Oh, sorry. After you're an actor in this TV show. Stand my ground. Stand by ground. I mean,

sort of the spirit. Um, so. All right. So they're talking about the goddamn comic strip for a while. And Stephen still doesn't like the sidekick idea. A cipher being in there, Stephen has his own idea for a sidekick, but they're building a lot of suspense over it or whatever. And just then Bible man gets an emergency message from the newspaper dude, emergency message by the way in this universe is just a voicemail.

Yeah, are we supposed to think that the newspaper guy also has a super computer? Like how is he leaving a video voicemail to his name? Just like here you go. In case you need me, this computer takes up two floors of a room. Yeah, you know, just in case they just send me a text or something. There it is. I wanted him to be on the shit cam just like, Hey, I'm testing out that for the 40th camera you gave me.

Check this out. And okay. So and then of course, Unison Scythe for our arguing over who gets to be the sidekick on the meat, the newspaper guy in the kid mission, right? We have to drive that home a little more. Unis wants to go, but Willie Ames can't afford that special effect anymore. No, right. So it'll have to be safer. All right. So meanwhile, in the bad guy layer, the bad guys are also fighting and prideful. And they're figuring out their evil plan, which tell me if I'm wrong here, the evil computer is going to lesbian, scissors with unis because not going to lie. I'm into it. the evil computer is gonna. Lesbian scissor with units because.

Not gonna lie. I'm into that. I'm into it. Well, I mean, they have lots of romantic candles in their evil sewer layer. More than I would. Yeah, one might say they went overboard. Set not for some interreligion computer fucking. I don't know. Maybe. Thought the kids from the unmiracle we're going to come in and do their Bella and Edward back and forth again. Say it. Who's the voice in your head? Jesus. All right. So, and then we we should mention that, you know, these guys know their comedy. One of the characters falls down in this scene. Hello. Oh, it's so stupid too. Yeah. So the sidekick for the bad guy pulls his chair out and then he pulls it a little too far. So bad guy to put the principal pride tries to sit down and

he just misses and falls and we get the line smooth move. X slacks at this point, like, we're just going to hit all the 90s bullshit cliche line. Like, alcohol shows up. Did I do that? And is that your final answer? Show me the money Houston. We have it. It will get worse. Like I'm joking now, but right now come back. Yes, at least one of those actual links. Yeah. Literally one of those comes back. Yes.

That actually happens. But more importantly, we, we get this pratfall, but we can't see it. They show us the fuck it. Like the important part was that fresh new line about X-lacks, but they don't show us the fall. Yeah. And then as if it, as if they knew we were all sitting here thinking, well, it couldn't get worse,

one of the characters says to another, uh oh, I feel a music video coming on. Yep. And so I have a theory about how this got created. I think the villain actor approached Willie at craft services and he was like, hey, you remember the things I said at the beginning of the movie up until exactly this point and he was like, yeah, he was like, what if I dance around and lick pipes to that audio. And Willie was like, absolutely, do you want, I don't know, seven minutes of the runtime of the, to do that. Sure. My theory on this

was just this actor smoked crack for the first time and they were in somebody was like, Oh, no, get this got this. Well, blackmail or something. All right. Well, unpopular opinion perhaps I loved this music. Did you was so because I mean, watching this guy try to come up with this stuff to do in the hallway that they use this is set is the greatest, because he's trying so hard to like, you know, chew the scenery, but it's of, it's just wall. Right. Yeah. So he's just like grabbing it walls, hoping to come up with something. Nope. He can't swear and he can't do anything sexual and he can't do anything crude. So he's just like, oh, arms down.

Are knee swing dance? Did I ring? Arms down. Arms down. I'm just doing a push up. I'm sorry. Yeah. And this literally goes, okay. So we should point out there's no song here, right? It's just like Eli says, just the audio of all his lines from earlier in the movie being played again. Well, he dances around in a hallway with a slightly diagonal camera angle. Yep. And that goes on for three goddamn minutes. But to be fair, at one

point near the end of this, I was like, all right, I take it all back because he goes hard on the dance move from single eight. He really doesn't like all the way. Like Beyonce clearly stole that like down action. Like there's no way that's straight from Bible man episode. Whatever the fuck this is that they're not even sure about. Yeah, amazing. Can we hopefully stand a wrong Beyonce on his behalf? I don't think so.

I know I bring up can we sue Beyonce a lot, but I mean, I feel like there's a way we can sue Beyonce. Keep, keep, keep, keep pitching them. Oh, and then we should also point out that like at the very end of this infinite music video, they tack on the point of the scene, which is that they're going to sneak sketches into Steven's portfolio to make him think that he got hacked by Tyler. That's the plot of this goddamn show. Anyway, now that the Prince of Pryce dastardly plan is starting to take shape, I suppose we can pause for a quick break. But first, let me give act three of the hard sell.

Will Bible man be able to fight off the Prince of Pryce's powerful pride, right? Does that waste belt of truth make his ass look big? Where other than the waste would one put a belt? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the Dillatory Conclusion of... Bible Man Episode 4 Furthermore, if I have a fever on even a moderately hot day, they can melt in my hands. Evidence enclosed, no illusions.

Hey Noah, what are you doing? Oh, hey Eli, I'm just writing a strongly worded letter to every company that has ever wronged me. I mean, a lot of these addresses look like their private residences. If the blockbuster's closed down, Eli, we're also gonna send the manager's letters. But I mean, all these letters, how are you going to carry all of this to the post office? Well, that's the best part, Eli, with stamps.com,

I won't even have to. I can just buy in print, real US postage for any letter or any package right from my desk 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Sure, sure. Stamps.com will even send you a digital scale so you can weigh your letters and packages and print the exact amount of postage every time. Why do you need to send packages? No, what's in the packages? If you don't know now, you won't have to lie later, Eli. That is, that's true.

Wow. Got to say, Noah, I do not think this is a good idea. What are you talking about stamps.com is amazing. They're so convenient and easy to use. No, no, I do not think this is a good idea. What are you talking about? Stamps.com is amazing. They're so convenient and easy to use. No, no, I know that. I mean, we use stamps.com to send out all our Patreon rewards and it couldn't be easier. I was, I was talking about how many of these letters you've signed in blood. Most of that's not my blood, but here's the best thing.

Right now, our listeners can use the promo code awful to get a four week trial of stamps.com that includes postage and a digital scale. Just go to stamps.com before you do anything else, click on the radio microphone at the top of the homepage and type in awful. That's stamps.com enter awful. Yep. Stamps.com enter awful. So how many more of these do you have to write?

June of 1994 through the present. A, you might bring me some dead flies. I do. I do mind bringing you some dead flies. How many more of these do you have to write? June of 1994 through the present. Um, hey, you might bring me some dead flies. I do. I do mind bringing you some dead flies. Hey guys, what's up? Hey, Heath. Hey, oh, uh, you're going to eat these melty M&Ms? I call them. Who called them?

I'm just going to scrape them off the table. Where do you have a scraper? I pocket. You don't pocket scraper. What do you do with your pocket? What do you do to scrape things? Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathen Wright.

I'm No Illusions. And we're podcasters here with a very important message for Christian movie makers everywhere. Please, be careful with self-awareness. I mean, sure, it starts out all fun and games, calling things a scene and a little meta bit about always losing. But before you know it, you've got booms in the shots and characters breaking the fourth wall.

Maybe that doesn't sound so bad, but Christian movie makers, I want you to think about how self-aware you really want to be. I mean, if I made propaganda aimed at scaring children into a religion, I wouldn't want to step back from that picture. You know what I mean? Because before you know it, you're doing coke off a youth group leaders dick and then asking him to pray with you. So please, that example, but yes, Christian movie makers, please take it from a podcaster. Don't get to meta. I want it to be an actor. I said don't get to. Sorry. Sorry.

And we're back for more of this shit. And we're going to rejoin the, let's say, action at the newspaper meeting with Bible man, cypher, the editor and that little bitch, Stephen. Hey, hey. Now he's, he's there to show him his new sketches. And again, you know, they're, they're, they're kind of unimpressed because again, these drawings suck. They so saw it's so sad. This is the best drawer they knew.

Like they could have gotten an adult artist and been like, wow, Steven, you're really talented. But instead they were just like, all right, man, the kid draws a good ligor. What's going on? Right. But the newspaper editor's not impressed until they get to those drawings that the Prince of Brides snuck into his portfolio and they love those ones.

Yeah, but Steven is not having it. He's like, I didn't draw this shit. Did you have that piece of shit drawn for you? Yeah. Yeah. So, and he's about to charge out and buy them as like hold on, hold on. Wait, just a second. They look at the next sketch. He's like, okay, now get the fuck out of here. Now this, this is too much. Also, we need to talk about this. Everyone

takes a turn to touch Stephen in this scene and it makes me very, very, very, very, very careful. Cypher, the newspaper guy, Bible man. Yes, the only description of this scene is Steven is passed around. I don't even want to see more kids just like beating the shit out of adults who make physical contact when it's not warranted like that waitress in Georgia who just beat the shit out of that guy. How great was that? Just to get that video. Oh yeah. She won't guest on the show. So, so, so Steve is dorms off all pissed off

and then all the grownups look at each other like, I bet this is why other comics are drawn by adults, huh? Thanks, class of this. Guys, what's there a law about child, the word just gave me him a had child labor. That thing. You make, don't worry, we're not paying them.

It's okay. I think I think it's they have to give birth by law, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Remember that. I remember this is a Christian movie. Also, this is great moment where Bible man slowly gets up and he goes, don't worry. I'll take care of Stephen. And I was like, oh my God. If we cut to a scene where Stevens like Edel locker and they just bad moment rises up

behind him and snaps his neck. The best Bible man as a horror movie. So and okay, so now they're trying to figure out how these sketches mysteriously made their way into Steven's portfolio. Luckily, Cypher thinks they hit the decode button on the picture, which turns it into a picture of the bad guy. Is that actually found a cliche worse than zoom and enhance? What? There's so many levels of confusion about reality.

It's breathtaking. They think there's a button to turn a drawing into a drawing of the guy who drew the drawings. Yeah. I think that's something. Oh, that'd be rough. Got an old Superman comic or Batman comic you hit it on there. It's just a bunch of Chinese women. Yeah, right. And then the Prince of Pride shows up. Now they're about to have a fight But before they do they have to do some incredibly racist faux Chinese over bad lip-syncing. Oh Here we go This is fun. My notes here are just guys. Did I do some acid? What happened?

My notes here are just guys, did I do some acid? What happened? My note here is what the fuck is happening? Like they they sped up the video, but then they reversed the audio. No, it wasn't that. It's just Nonset like the TV show had a seizure. That's the only way I can describe this. Well, yeah, because right after that with Transition akin to a fart turning into a shit, they're lightsaber fighting. Yep. Right? They're in the same room and suddenly it's dark and smokey and no one knows what the fuck

we're supposed to think just happened. The alarms are going on. They're shouting cliches at each other. Yeah, they're just doing terrible, terrible impressions of more stuff from the 90s. That's all it's just like Jim Carrey, Jim Carrey, the matrix is a movie. Matrix matrix. It's so dumb. And of course, this is Cypher's big chance to prove that he could be a great sidekick,

right? That's what this has been about the whole time. So he's using his time to do a status update on Facebook or something. Yeah. It's like us doing our jobs. You guys are like, Hey, Eli, did you get any of your writing or notes done? And I'm like, no, but I am fighting with this guy on Twitter.

Let me show you what I said in the 17th comment. Guys, let me show you. I said to your screenshot, says that you read it on the Facebook. Maybe, maybe use your spoons for your job. So yeah. So I guess Cypher's desperately trying to email Eunice to tell her maybe she should be the sidekick, but he's being denied access to emailing her. Anyway, something's wrong with Eunice. Apparently she's getting fucked by the Jewish lady computer computer. Can fight. Yeah. And one little piece of banter we get here. Um,

but says to the pride, what's this? The Prince of Pride? Is that what it's all? Yeah. Yeah. So he says to the Prince of Pride? Is that what it's all about? Yeah. Yeah. So he says to the Prince of Pride, you've just been voted villain least likely to succeed. Now they need to have that, they need to have that at high schools. Like that would be like, that should be a snow. So probably like you're terrible, but also so stupid that it's not really dangerous. Like your growth Benines I don't like I don't think I should have be handed out in high schools. I feel very

Suppression The don't voter have kids award like that would be good I'm back in all right All right, so cipher rushes off to help you miss apparently and I'm back in. All right, so... All right, so Cypher rushes off to help Eunice, apparently. And I'm sorry, did I imagine this or when Eunice and the evil or computer are fighting, does Eunice go, I've got Intel inside? Yep, she does. Is that a real sponsorship? Oh, dude, you're getting it Dell. Like what the fuck? I missed that.

That's pretty clever. Yeah. Well, it's a 90s thing. So of course, it's in here. That is from in that decade of things. Yeah. So they have these two computers having a computer fight, which apparently involves Lucy, the evil computer trying to make Eunice think that Bible man got a hand job from Sally after lacrosse practice or something, right? And again, what do they think is happening? It's computers. They might as well be break dance fighting. It's just complete.

Two computers just rolling around from side to side. Oh, yeah. What you got, you got served. Be on. Yeah. And by the way, something about this hack fight that they're having causes an enormous number of explosions. Yeah. There's a, there's a lightning storm happening. Yes, right. Because of this. And they're just yelling at each other. Yeah, the computers again, these are two computers that are fighting in the light right storm. And the computers are fighting.

And we cut back to Bible man and the Prince of Pride, either fighting or doing comedy high jinks now. Oh, okay. So here's the moment where it all falls apart. I know you thought it was already apart, but this is actually the moment here. So they're cutting back and forth between Cypher trying to fix Eunice and Bible man and the bad guy fighting. But at a certain point, they realized that these two grown men who don't know how to sword fight sword fighting

can't keep going. So we cut back and they're like playing go fish and Rochambo and you can see the cameraman scratching his dick. Oh, I wanted, I wanted that to continue so badly and like cuts back to the computer is cuts back to them and he's just like got an audition for an industrial. What kind of money's in that? Well, it's my brother's company. So none, but he said that I could come in and audition. And thanksgiving last year, he said he could sit. Also, by the way, I don't think I've ever been more angry in a movie. Honestly, they play rock paper scissors and they shoot on fucking scissors and I was furious. Are you serious? To stop it. I had a drink. I stepped away. I had a little meditation.

So and then a finally cypher though figures out how to fix the computer. He says to Eunice, he says, Eunice, remove all data, not obedient to Christ. Oh, oh shit, that's all of it. Yeah. The screen just goes blank for the rest of it. Yeah, right. The room your in goes blank. Oh, could he not read oh he couldn't read But just the idea of like non-obidiant data makes me very happy Other Christians think of data as potentially like uppity Amazing fake ones and twos. One's zero zero. I get what you were going for.

Cypher just whipping the number pie. Your name is three. This is racially insensitive, but I'm getting paid. It's also. It's a bit too different the root to admin something. I don't know. It's in there. All right.

So now I guess I guess that the Prince of Pride won this fight or something. Anyway, they wander off because that scenes over. And then the good guys all regroup at Bible man HQ to see if they can figure out what the fuck that last scene was about. Oh my God. And this is where we see he takes off the Bible man because now he has a Bible man mask that he can take off. And seeing they do like a close up where they're trying to see. Seeing Willie Ames's sad old face is just a huge bummer. Like I actually had a moment here where I was just like, oh no, it's like

when I take off my glasses and people are just like, oh man, what happened? I'm just like, I'm a dad died and it's just I'm tired. I'm going to start where sunglasses in a little bit, but I'm sorry. I also love it. by old man stumbles in and he's crushed, right? He says that pride guy is right. After Sunday, the comics finished and then I'll never be able to show my face anywhere. And I'm like, Willie, you already can't, bro. I don't know who told you you good.

Did you not hear Eli just now? No, I'm not going to get into town when I was not. Yeah, but but now Eunice does another retinal scan and she notices different science words than before. Uh, an ego plasmate distortion. Or very electrophield Noah. Obviously. Yep.

That's what they went with. That's not even it was worse than that though. Ego Plasma was there, but distortion area and electro field are almost real words. It was even worse. I believe it was heat radonic seismoray. I think you're right. Ego stimulating heat radonic seismoray.

Oh, yeah. Fuck sake. An ego plasma ego stimulating. Here's radonic seismoray. Yeah, fuck sake. An ego plasma ego stimulating here's radonic seismoray. And the cure for this, by the way, is Isaiah 25 11 24 11 something like that. Yeah. Which is such a weird part because it's just like the

you think you're so fucking fancy. But you all know that. I wanted to leave the bar and I paint my fucking check. I'm going to a different TGF Fridays with my boyfriend. This one has rats and you know I'm calling the health star apartment on y'all. Again, they just had to quote a Bible verse, but they got like all angry through it. They got it wrong. It was like Lord will bring down their pride.

You know, the clever science, the both sides, I hate science so much. Just hate true things. So much of my show is about hating truth thing. Yes, right. And also like what they do get right of this Bible verse is very clearly like God making a death threat. Right. Absolutely.

The actual translation of this Bible verse is quit that shit before I kill you. Yep. So which irrelevant I know, but in the story doesn't work out well, right? It is he's not where God wins. He's like, you think you got your fucking charred, Saviren. Fuck, they got away. They are faster than me. I'm nip it in control of the universe.

Cause of the iron. All right. So Bible man's got a convoluted plan. Now, we'll get to how bad his plan is, but Bible man's got a convoluted plan that starts with him going to ask Stephen to forgive him for not saying God words for a whole scene earlier. This scene opens with you want me to forgive you for what? And I want it to be like, you know, the weird touching thing. Or I just sort of really manhandled you and like put both hands on your shoulders.

And that is, that is something to do with permission. Anyways, let's use Tyler's cartoons. Yeah, Right. Yeah, Steven isn't, isn't mad anymore. He's the, I guess pride ray is wearing off. So Bible man and list Steven to help him capture the villain, but Steven's not sure if God even likes him anymore. Right, but it's Steven does agree to like say nice things to Tyler about. Yeah.

Okay. Good, good job on that awesome villain you drew, but then what man's like, well, actually the bad guy drew that. So fuck Tyler. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, all right. Fuck yeah.

I mean, fuck, fuck Tyler. He looks like me, but slightly more attractive. I don't like him. That's fine. Yeah. But yeah, right. But they do decide that to finish the comic strip in time. Steven's gonna need Tyler's help.

So then, okay, then Bible man shows up at the villain's layer. Now I feel like if you knew where the bad guy was, your plan didn't have to be more complex than go there, right? I mean, you could Google map your way into a plan there. It's the best. He's like, what are you doing here? And he's like, I need the show to finish here. I don't know.

We got a hard limit at 42 minutes. They told us we couldn't use the Eagle Man or anymore because it's a school library. It's a Monday. Also, by the way, the bad guy has a camera in this 11 year old boy's bedroom now. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Like nobody on the production. Hey man, maybe like not my first masturbation cam.

Like, maybe the other one's just's not how I like that be great. And of course they have to continue to have the Bible quote trivia during the fight where I just had to write down this little exchange where he goes the answer is God and the bad guy goes, I never was too good at trivia and by one man says there's nothing trivial about Jesus. It's the best fun fact about Jesus. He was called Abba. No, nothing trivial about Jesus. It's the best. Fun fact about Jesus, he was called Abba. No, nothing trivial.

At least, Strobel, the case for Christ, like what? Also, we get the 90s banter come back, but they actually say, is that your final answer? Yeah, they do. So, the fucking Regis Filvin, it's amazing. They actually use that. Like, the fucking, Regis Filvin wants, it's amazing. They actually use that. Like it is the year 1999. Sure is.

90s. 90s. They just both start pointing at a calendar. Great. Great. Also, great. Oh. One of the quotes they use is the thing where God's like,

I'm the best God of all the gods. And it's like, hey, you know what? Maybe don't brag about how often your God acknowledges the other God. I know that's a relatively new trick, but your God talks about other gods jealous time. And then he calls the villain boy, which was uncomfortable. Okay, that happened. Okay. Okay. Okay. I thought maybe I blacked out and I came back in something different was happening. Did he use the phrase, ain't you been a listening boy? Did he say that? He sure does. He did. I'm a bus up. This is here shiffer. Really? No. So every said I can talk like a black guy. It's killer. That needs to stop right away. Well, it does luckily

because this is the point where Bible man electric cuts the bad bad guy he dies exactly this move this episode is the exact same ending as lethal weapon five on its always sunny and the bad guy burns off all of his skin through the electrocution leaving nothing but a skeleton and a pile of bubbly green ooze that is instantly covered in flies that was surprisingly graphic for this children. Wasn't it though? And then, let's just be clear, a Bible man has a nervous breakdown because he's like pride and destruction.

He's got a damn mind. Go together like toenails and cheese. Are those? Are those bad? Are we saying those are bad together? Good together. I don't know. I mean, Narnians toenails and cheese like I'm not sure where I fall on this either like trying to get going. They literally shut off the camera because really aims is losing his mind. Right. He tries to funny and eventually the cameraman feels so sorry for him that he

just turns it off and tells him he's still filming. Yeah, that is very good. Get married. Well, he gold keep going man. I'm going to go grab some from graph, but the camera is on. Well, he's very brief spirited. We're very fond of him. He's a character. And then all right, so now we had back to Bible man HQ for a quick wrap up. They all seem to think that the

comic strip is pretty cool, including the newspaper guy who they said the transmission saying that everybody loves it. Their phones have been ringing off the hook with people talking about how awesome he looks in that new comic book and that Willie Ames really is a big celebrity. If you think about it, the phone lines are jammed. People love it. Also, we're being sued by the FFRF, but don't worry about that. Other people really like to sound. And then everybody chuckles like the end of a Scooby-Doo cartoon. And then we literally get a high kids from Bible man. Yep, and he says, hey kids, it's okay to be proud. Just don't have pride. Yes, what? Birds, words are difficult. Pride makes very little sense. So you should ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. You know,

Justin Kaiselberry. That was my stuff. Real about salvation. Yeah. More of the story. God has all the humility. Yes. Look. Look at God's enormous throbbing humility. All right. So the obvious problem with this episode, and I can't believe it hasn't come up until now, was the conspicuous lack of fat Ryan. Hey, man. And I for one was waiting it for him the whole fucking time.

If he had popped out of the variant and said, that's right, Bible man, this whole fucking endeavor would have been worth it. So to close things out, I want to ask you for your theories. Why was fat Ryan unable to be in this episode? He was working as spider man and a twister of some rock sometimes square. But but then he got gout and maybe diabetes. I'm kind of some kind of foot dying disease of some sort. He couldn't stand anywhere. What what year was this episode? 99.

Okay. So he didn't die in 9.11. And neither did anyone else. There I said it. I said it. Oh, right. Hey, look what happened to Alex shows. We can't afford that, man.

And well, that's going to do it for our review of Bible Man episode four. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to talk your titties for next week. So tell us Eli. Watch on deck. Voiceless. Oh my fucking God, really. There aren't enough sympathetic biopics about a guy who ran into a planned parenthood and

took hostages. Yes. Oh, I haven't watched it yet. I don't know how much of this story is going to be accurate. He took, he took fetus hostages. Yeah. Well, among the hostages, he took were fetal hostages. Yeah. I'm gonna murder a fetus every five minutes until you stop murdering. All right. So with exactly that to look forward to, we're going to bring up episode 155 to a merciful close. Once again. Huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go.

If you'd like to cut yourself among their ranks, you can make a pre-episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful when they're by earnably access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us to unbelievable as five store review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a, the ascitation needed in the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email god awful movies at gmail.com, a for Heathen right in the light Bosnick, I'm Noel Luzin, promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week, until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Lucy, the Jewish computer, got a job at Canterfitt's Gerald

in the World Trade Center, but suspiciously called in Zip. And then having. Suspect. The cutscenes of Bible Man and Prince of Pride playing soggy waffle are available on DVD. Eunice was sold for parts and ended up as Eli Bosnik's laptop. She later committed suicide. What the fuck?

He's got to be so dumb. She had to purge everything that wasn't Jesus and... If you knew my inner and history, you'd kill yourself too. You did it. So one of the books of yours that I have, Heath, is Atlas Shrugged. I can hold onto that. My brother-in-law helps me move this couch up here the other day

and we're sitting on the couch having a cold drink after we got done moving it because it was a big pain and the ass he's looking over the shelves. And he's like, you know, you didn't strike me as an iron ran fan. I'm like, I know you didn't strike me as somebody who would know the name iron ran. Yeah, or I could read it from here. Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's a founded out. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's the sound it out. Yeah. Yeah. It's one that you really like. Even though you haven't read it. It's like the Bible. What's that

book about? Go on. Go on. Tell me all about it. Tell me all about it. Tell me the name for characters in that book. So Atlas held up the world and man he shrugged. Two slots. Well, some of us may have realized that that was that metaphor live on the air on our show. So that and our churches wrote that out.

As a sample, Atlas shrugged off his responsibilities, I guess you could say would be upon I just made. Guess what I just thought up. Oh, I heard that. She goes, what did you think it was before? Like Atlas is like, I can find no. Atlas was like, yes. Oh, right. Here we go.

But I keep saying episode four because the name, the incredible four, that cannot possibly have, that has nothing to do with the show, right? Yeah, pureflix, pureflix actually has it wrong. That's not episode four of season one, it's season two episode two, according to my extensive research. Oh, right on, right on.

So yeah, no, that, it made no fucking sense. And it's, if we wrote into pure, no, that made no fucking sense. And if we wrote into pureflix, they would correct it for us. So that's why we were all lost. Exactly why we couldn't follow the plot. You know, I wasn't sure about the non-computer voice choice there, but it worked. Yeah, I mean, I just, I don't mean give notes here, but he you weren't making any computer fucking. I was there. You were just saying no over again. Like the moon making me into a rapist there. I was. I know where you're making a fucking computer with me before. So maybe if you'd fuck the computer with me, you would know what

that sounds like. Fuck the right computer. You fuck my computer. Yes. All right, doodly do too. The turn around, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for such a quick yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha said no when you asked me to answer you. That's true. That's true. Well, I put a backer bucket on your head and you didn't dance. I'm not advising it. I'm not advising it. It's a bad idea. Nobody do that. Just saying you like Bosnick. The legend continues. I love the way Eli thinks this is going to make it to the air.

Gotta keep you on your toes. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018. All rights reserved.