God Awful Movies - 161: Where is Good?

Episode Date: September 18, 2018

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of "Where is Good?", the story of a husband trying to forgive his wife for getting raped and failing. Yes, it's that bad. In fact, if anything, it's worse than I'm making it sound. --- Come see us in London! We’re live on Saturday, October 6th, and you can get tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-london-tickets-47591873575 --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

We didn't mention this earlier when she took the pregnancy test. She very carefully wrapped it in a plastic bag and then stuffed that plastic bag down into the trash can in the bathroom. And now she comes home and her husband has found it. Yeah, that's a weird moment. Just like, hey honey, so I was just normal sifting through our garbage bags for urine smells and I can't just stick inside of a bag. It smelled like you're urine.

I'm gonna be honest. God awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. movie Welcome back to the gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because it's the only legal thing I'm qualified to do for a living. I'm your host Noah Luciens and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back. Thanks Noah. So, uh, you know, who's a liar? Who? Who's the most painful movie we've ever done while he's moving and he knew it and he

pretended he was going to do it with us. And now it's not doing it with us. Eli Bosnick. Eli fucking Bosnick. Eli, you know what? I'm dedicating an interstitial and an ad to you this week. And you're not here to defend yourself. God damn it. Yes. Eli was not able to join us today. So tell us he is a liar. That he is. What will we be breaking down today? We watched where is good with a question mark again. It's a pretty opera, a title I gotta be honest. It's a pretty opera title, I gotta be honest. It's a giant episode of SVU, except instead of like, you know, some compelling police drama, it's nothing.

It's just two hours of horribly depressing content. Like it might as well be two hours of Mariska Hargote just weeping in the corner of a room, except without the talent of Mariska Hargote. weeping in the corner of a room except without the talent of Mariska Hargote. I did not care for this movie. I had very many moments. I had to step away. Oh, it was fucking, it was Brett Kavanaugh asked.

So I guess Eli's not here to fulfill this one and you've already kind answer, but I'll ask you anyway, how bad was this movie? Well, if you hate women, you will love this movie. Sorry, wait, no, I did the formula wrong. I did the formula one more time, more time. Well, if you hate black people, you will love this movie. No, sorry, I keep turning around. No, you got it.

I got this, I got this. I got this. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. thing is that we've got two hours and seven minutes of movie to cover and it's all rape, right? So we have to put jokes in here somewhere and here and there we can say, Hey, that guy looks funny, but like it's the whole God. It's all it's a, it's a fucking rape movie.

It's terrible. And according to their promotional stuff, like everything on IMDB, this movie is based on Romans 828, which reads, and I quote, and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. And I'm guessing that they use that because if they had said it was based on a woman's moral obligation to carry rate babies to term, they wouldn't be allowed on Amazon pride. Riffra makes this not a hate crime just barely. All right. So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Riffra makes this not a hate crime just barely. All right.

So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to say best worst scenes. Yeah. Adding up to the worst movie each moment is the worst. And then if you combine those, it's also the worst. It's like a worst monster.

I did not care for this movie. I will repeat that. No. And okay. So I'm going to go with best worst poetry. All right. It's a, towards the end of the, the very end of this movie. There's a poem. And I was, I'm going to say it, I was equally offended by the you better birth that rape, baby message and the poem. Those were both equally offensive to me. And when you, if you fucking watch the movie and you hear the poem, you're good because at first you're gonna be like,

oh, come on, no, rape is much worse than that poem. Not really, though. Yeah, just for the record, the poem works. The poem is effective on one of the characters. We'll get there, it's a good. Yeah. I'm gonna add one more by the way, one more best worst. Best worst, the bad guy gets away with it.

Right. We'll get there too, but I'm pretty sure that's what happens because the movie forgets who did it. Like, we'll explain, but just be aware that we will watch the bad guy do the bad thing. And then later the movie is going to be like nope, you're crazy. He's then right? You are shh, it's not. That's not what happened. Like you could mean three different people

they're including God. Yeah. All right. Well, even mentioning the name of this fucking movie is gonna get my blood pressure up. So we're gonna take a quick break for some beta blackers, but when we come back, we'll dive into all the misogynistic bullshit that is.

Where is good? That could have been best worse title to what? The fuck are you talking about? Hi, I'm Noel Luzion, host of the podcast that you're currently listening to. Now I know there's been a lot of speculation about why Eli isn't here today, and we're here to tell you that despite what you might have heard, it's not because he had to have something surgically removed from his rectum. And it's not because he's busy filling in his new neighbors on his criminal history

as required by law. It's also not because of a tragic, Sybian accident. And it's definitely not because he's being detained by the FBI in connection with his stated goal of quote, genetically engineering a sexier alligator." And quote, And regardless of what you may have read in court documents, it has nothing whatsoever to do with his penis or the Endangered Species Act of 1973. And just for the record, the Arabian oryx

was removed from the Endangered Species list in 2011. Anyway, so... Also, about that. Eli's absence has nothing to do with illegal use of Chris go or legally ambiguous use of Chris go now we're not going to tell you exactly why he's not here but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with Andrew suggesting we maintain plausible did I ability and now back to the show And now, back to the show. He's a liar.

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We're on to the next copy point, Heath. You're on to the next copy point. That's right. All you need these days is stamps.com. No, no, I still need the Lithuanian porn. No, I mean, in terms of postage. Oh, okay. Yeah. See, with staves.com, you can access all the services of the post office right from your desk. With stamps.com, you can buy and print real US postage for any letter or a package. And it's available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Just click print, mail, and you're done, kind of like the Lithuanian porn. That's right, Heath. We use stamps.com to send important letters and packages

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Stamps.com, the Lithuanian porn of postal services. I don't think that's the tagline. Sure is now. You guys keep that one. And we're back for the breakdown. And as if to say, yep, this is going to be intentionally annoying. We open on an ominously dripping faucet, right? Like the movie's opening is drip, drip, drip, drip. It's like it's it wants you to turn it off. Yeah, they're trying way too hard to be like artistic here. Just like stop.

It's staying your lane. We know going in and son, I'm watching pureflix. Just calm the fuck down. Yeah. Okay. So we there's a stay in your lane. We know going in and I'm watching pureflix just calm the fuck down. Yeah, okay, so we there's a woman in the tub and we don't realize right away that she just got raped, right? So all my notes here are like, Jesus Christ lady, laid out a fucking towel before you get out of that tub, you savage. Yeah, exactly. Oh my god, you have that in your nose too, that's hilarious. What the fuck? It's gonna be and you're no stew. That's what it is. What the fuck? It's going to be all wet. It's slippy and then it's going to get slimy,

stupid, just stupid move. But also it's hard to tell what's happening because we see her face immediately. And I'm just like, okay, Alice Cooper's in a bathtub. What's happening here? Just full like that's what they think. I apparently, it looks like after you're sexually assaulted, you would little your face would look like Alice Cooper makeup wise. I'm not sure why they think that, but that's what they do. Yeah, but they clearly think that because that's true of all the victims in this movie. And they do again. Yeah, it's.

Yeah. Okay. So she calls 911 and she goes, I've been raped. But like in the manner of, yeah, I ordered a pizza like 45 minutes ago and they said it would be half an hour, right? Yeah, it's like a apologetic on the phone. It's like, hello 911, I got raped. Sorry, sorry about that. I mean, it's technically a non-emergency. Like, he's gone now. I should maybe I should call like the regular number. Like it's weird. The tone is, the tone is very

upsetting. Yeah, well, all the actors in this movie, like just showed up fresh from not being good enough for a local car dealership ad or something. So it, I know they're not trying to make fun of rape, but it seems like it based on the acting choices, right? Yeah. That's accurate. So, so then we cut to it a different lady and she's praying to God to get her pregnant, right? Right. Right. And we already know God to get her pregnant, right? And we already know what's gonna happen, right? So like, oh my God, God is gonna get her rape to get her pregnant.

Like, this is some monkeys paw shit, right? Uh, it's like you need a fucking prayer lawyer to do the fine print. Anyway, so she's like, yeah, God, give us a baby. And I promise I'll dedicate him to you. Right. Like what? What prayer, yeah, God, give us a baby and I promise I'll dedicate him to you. Right. Like what? What prayer? What? What? What dedications was she doing? Yeah. We did Darwin. I know you're kind of pissed about it. I swear, I got all you this time. No doing done, no doing all of that was fucked up.

That was just my husband to joke. He thought his ski, wink, you know, I'm giving you Jesus. Too soon. Sorry. As you pointed to this woman, this main character woman, she looks kind of like a young Charlize Theron without the talent or the hotness, right? She looks like Catherine Higel's personality is what I'm getting her. So we cut from her to some evangelical talk. So this is where we're going to meet Jonas the douche patch beard.

He's so red neck he can't even grow a goatee. He just goes the patch at the bottom and that's it. It's it's right. It like there's nothing about this character that isn't hateable. Yeah, so he's a preacher and he's on this evangelical talk show to tell people that he's going to be leading a pro life rally at an abortion clinic. In case the beard wasn't enough, you have to know this is a terrible human. Yeah. And he says, we're not going to stand by and watch society kill babies, which is a weird, like don't watch. Why are you? That's the weird that you that. They're kicking. Are you going creamy like to like a like a stadium seating area near it. What the fuck is happening in your life?

Don't go to that. Also, I, oh my god, I had such a creamy moment right here because the screenplay is by David Manning. It's not. Oh, it's, oh my god, I got so excited for a second. Right. I have a look it up. Would you want you to start to do because I am DB the writers not listed because he wants nothing to do with this apparently, even when you go to a full cast and crew, he isn't there, but no, it's a, it's a different David Manning. Anyway, so they're going to have a rally to let people know that they're not just going to stand aside and let women have bodily autonomy and everything. And even says, look, I disagree with abortion in every circumstance. This is a movie about rape. Every single name of tough one and we've got a movie premise. Let

me tell you rape go movie, go movie. Oh, God. And then we get the inspired by true events tag. And then we cut to Earth's most tiny lackluster anti abortion rally. There's so, so uncoordinated, like tired and sad. And yeah. And they, they really committed to this tiny little circle that they have. And they're marching in a circle, which cannot last long. Like I wanted to see 20 minutes later. They're all just like stumbling and dizzy and breath. Like, they will put their picket signs up to their forehead and then bend over and run around it like a withle ball bat before they do the whole thing. It's basically what's about to happen. Yeah. So Hannah, that's the wife character, the main character. She shows up, she sees

her husband there. He's the evil soul patch person. And just then a woman goes into the abortion clinic. So she like, like quickly, she, she, she fucking quick draw harasses her. Right. Yeah. And I would have preferred her not to be an African American woman. Yeah, that was just an African American woman. Like it's horrible, regardless of who this person is. But I mean, did it feel to you? It made it worse that she was black, right? Like it felt also racist somehow. Well, right, because the movie, like in a lot of ways, and this becomes clearer as we go, the movie is saying at this point, like sure, you're not sympathetic with her,

because she's black, right? So anyway, and then abortionally Hannah, the hero of the movie, she says, you have no right to murder your baby, and the lady's like, no, I very definitely, like the Supreme Court has decided I have this right. And she's like, you're a murderer, that's the hero of the movie. Yep. Yep. There what again, like we got a really pull to find moments that aren't

horrible. So there was one moment that was a music to be in this scene. Hannah is her name, right? The moment she walks up, she sees her husband in his sad little abortion protest circle and she's like, oh, hey, honey, he kind of jumps out of the circle. He's like, just chant about murder on this public street. And then he only steps like half a step out of the circle and he gets bumped into because he's in this tiny little tight fence. And it's like, we bumped into each other again. This keeps happening.

Do you see me bump heads, honey, because the marching thing nice try and ask the black lady, though, you're close. Yes. And then, okay, this is so fucking weird. The music in this movie never matches up to the situation because we cut from there to these cops getting out of their car. Now, we will find out later that these cops aren't bad guy cops that are also comic relief, but the music is going to like the music is going wacky. Yeah, right? It felt kind of like oceans 11 and I was like, okay, that's yeah, that's not the proper mood for this movie or anything similar to what's happening in the scene.

Yeah. And also, so they so these are the SVU detectives who are stepping out of this corner and they're being treated like bad guys in this movie. It's weird. Yeah. I mean, the director seems to have no idea. Yeah. So, okay, so they go into the hospital,

they're dealing with a serial rapist, right? So we have to establish that there's a serial rapist going around raping women. And there's just no evidence at all at every time they find one of his victims, right? Right. So they go into question the victim, right? And the victims, I guess still passed out at this point, right? So they see the doctor first. And the detective is like, oh, how is she doc? And the doctors evil now too in the movie. So he's like, not great. I gave her a plan B while she was sleeping and kicked

her in the belly. She should be fine though. Like this is what happens in hospitals. The fuck. Yeah, she's unconscious, but please, by all means go in anyway. I murdered the shit out of that fetus. So we're fine. We're totally fine. If you're worried about the important part. All right. So then the, the, the, before they leave the hospital, though, the lady cop has to stop by the talk to her doctor because apparently she's looking for a kidney transplant and just that her doctor happens to be at that hospital, right? Right. And so the doctor is like, oh, some bad news. It's not a match. That last one was not a match. So apparently this woman's just been like asking a random dude to

donate a kidney. And this was not a match. We learn that she's adopted and doesn't know her biological family. So apparently this strategy is just like, hey, you got a kidney? Cool. No, you have two, right? No, stupid. I'll take the drink though. No. Now you're okay. It was weird. It was weird. Sorry. We're in a bar. Right. Right. So yeah, the doctor tells her, no, you, we can't use that kidney. You'll have to find another one. Apparently she has minor renal failure, by the way, because like she needs a kidney, but she is in no way to rehabilitate it. Well, she's not quite as good as shot as she usually is. But other than that, she's having no negative effects from the fucking dialysis that she must be on.

Yeah. That was weird with the, with the shooting thing. We, we, they're going to focus on whether she can shoot accurately a couple different times in this movie. Like they, it's like check off's gun and they fuck it up completely because they don't use it at all. It's dumb. No, right. Yeah. No, she never has to shoot anyone. Really? They fuck up check off's gun. Yeah. Anyway. All right. So meanwhile, back at the abortion clinic protest, they're done, like a hard day of harassing women or whatever, they're finished up. And right before the wife leaves, the husband gives, he has tickets to the big thing and she's so happy.

He's going to go to the theater, even though he hates the theater. Yes, the big concert that just like rotates around from Christian movie to Christian movie. Yeah, right. So then we go back to Lady Cop and she's with her partner and they're staring at an overhead projection of all the rape victims in hopes that like they can blind them all up and find a collector puzzle pieces or something. Yeah. And why are they using a giant projector for this? There's no reason. It's just like a list of six names that they

could be looking at on paper. Like I or just the fucking picture that they're projecting. It's just the two of them. I wanted a bus to walk in and be like, what are you doing? Don't don't use that. We're going to no, we're going to come in here and use the project. We're playing some big smash brothers tournament. Get out of here. And then they have this bizarre walk and talk moment that makes no sense. Oh, yeah. Right. It's insane. So first note of that, Detective Carla, that's the lead detective here.

She's one of the main characters. Her southern accent is fucking with the movie in my opinion. Like, it's, it's, there's nothing funny about rape, but when you say it with a dumbass Southern accent, like right? It kind of a little bit, it's stupid. It's, it took me out of the, I'm supposed to be somber, I'm supposed to be mad at it, and then like I wasn't mad for a second. So I was mad that I wasn't mad for a second.

So I didn't like that. But yeah, the conversation is impossible. It like traveling at light speed. They're just like, yeah, it's crazy. They start talking and they're in the station and then they go get coffee during one sentence and then they're back at the station. Another sentence later makes no sense. Yeah. And also, by the way, this whole conversation seems to be very detailed advice on how to get away with rape, doesn't it? Like, do we need that much detail on how you can rape women and not get caught? Be great to leave that out. Be great to leave that out. I feel like it was. All right. So meanwhile, Soul Patch and his wife are debriefing the abortion

protest. You know, they're're they're laying in bed going I just can't believe anyone would ever think a killing and murdering their baby today. Oh, so are they Yeah, and that in the husband even goes like well, you know if it wasn't for the grace of God We you and me we just be getting abortions constantly even me I don't even get pregnant I'd go in and get them because it's just because I'd be such a heath even me, I don't even get pregnant, I'd go in and get them because it's just, because I'd be such a heathen. Right.

Yup. And then, you know, they're appealing to God for their own kid and she's like, Oh, why can't we have a baby? And he's like, Oh, well, God hates you right now and because you're barren and that's, you know, obviously God hates you. We need thoughts and prayers. So you'll stop being hated by God and stop being barren.

And she's like, yeah, it's, it's your dick that doesn't work. That's the problem. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. And it will turn out to be as dick. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, he's going to go on a trip without her, right? He's like, Oh, I got the big trip to go on later, try not to get raped. Well, I'm gone. And she's like, all right. But the big trip to go on later, try not to get raped. Well, I'm going. And she's like, all right, but let's try to have a baby right now. And the way they've established these characters so much, I expected it to cut to him, cutting a hole in the sheet or something. Yeah, they're, they're, they're creepy, creepy couple. This is also where we find out about

Jennifer, right? That. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, well, you're gone. I'll hang out with my best friend, Jennifer. Go out. And he's like, oh, God, she's the worst. I don't know why are you friends with Jennifer? Okay, outside of the movie, why does every woman have a Jennifer in their life? The worst, everybody has this. Stop being friends with Jennifer. Everybody stop. I have friends who like smell bad and cry all the time. Like don't have to hang out with them.

I'm actually that guy. I'm sure of her. I don't need to hang out with them anymore. They don't hang out with me. It's fine. Nobody's got to eat brunch with Jennifer. It's a public service announcement. Stop being friends with her.

Hell yeah. And also we have to establish that Jennifer had a boyfriend named Chris who was in and out of jail all the time. And they keep getting back together and then he'll go back to jail and they keep getting back together. That's going to be really important to the movie. Yeah. Also, she gets an invite to a party from Bri and Bri is too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So black friend, Bri, absolutely. Yeah.

Absolutely. So then we have to cut to a lady cop at the shooting range. So we can establish that she can't shoot good right now. And I just, I only bring this fucking scene up because she is in the most impossible, tank top. Like she might as well just open the door with her boobs. Right. Yeah. I like I like a detective Carla. Oh yeah. Basically. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I like Jen physically, but yeah.

I'd have sex with Catherine Heigel's personality. That's true. Yeah. I'd have sex with Catherine Heigel's personality. That's true. Yeah. Um, but at the shooting range, she shoots from 10 feet away. Like she has one of those paper targets and zips it out, it's supposed to go to like the end of the, it goes like literally 10, I didn't even know they had a setting. Why would you need a set of 10 feet away? For like, this is the setting for like black person in the car that you're at the window of. Like what the fuck? Yeah. Right. Right. If you walk into his apartment, he'll be about here. All right. So, so we come back to Hannah and Jen. They're having lunch and Jen is like, well, since your husband's out of town, I figured we would pop some roofies and go to the

club and she's like, I don't know. I don't know if I want to get raped. And she's like, no, a whole movie depends on you getting raped. Yeah. Like, I'm going to get you into some shenanigans, raped. And she's like, no, a whole movie depends on you getting raped. Yeah. Like, I'm going to get you into some shenanigans, honey. And Hannah's like, no. And she's like, yes, no. Yes, we already know this about sexual assault. Stop.

Don't know. No, it does mean it's so important that it means no right now. God. Oh. And by the way, too, the actress who plays Jen, I just have to point out her only other IMDB credit is as wardrobe assistance. So, that's all right. Yeah, you can imagine what kind of talent we're dealing with here.

Yeah. Anyway, so she's like, we're going to go to a birthday party today. Be sure you dress sexy. Yeah. And this is when Chris shows up too, right? Yeah. And apparently, there was a certain level of douchey beard that was required by the casting director or something because his is in his douchey as the other guys, but he's also got that bullshit.

I'm going to grow a beard even though I can't think no one on. Absolutely. He looks like recessive 90s music was a person in things like like really shitty 90s music with bad DNA. Okay, like 90s music rolled a three for DNA on its D 20 turn into a human and got into a shitty B Christian movie. Yeah. Oh God, I wish I could have

watched this movie on one and a half speed or something. So yes, so Chris is like, hey, I'm here to stalk you. And she's like, all right, let's go outside and talk in private. And he's like, I've changed. I found God or something. And then he's going to cry or at least that's what the director told him to do. His cry acting is brutally bad. Like he might as well be yelling, crying now, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry, I cry. You should be somebody like off stage with a like a super so perg

just trying to get into this face or something. It's so goddamn bad. Yeah, God. But yeah, he found God in jail is the point of this. Yeah. Him explaining that. It's funny how nobody finds God during their PhD program in science. Right. Never gotten something positive for society, is it? No. Hey, Jesus, how come you're always hanging out in those jails? No reason? No reason. So she's like, I'm glad that you're Christian now, but go the fuck away. So she goes back in the restaurant. He goes to leave. And then we caught immediately to what had to be written in the script as scary black

people, right? Oh, there is no other way to describe it. It's just aggressively, probably in the script, ethnic music, if I had to get aggressively ethnic music. Is that a fence? Yes, that's very offensive. I feel like it's, I, did I not tone it that you did tone it down. It's still horribly offensive. Just see it out. You left out the N word on the

so which is nice job on that. Like it, it might as well be audio of black gunshots. Somehow they're black. Just like black, black, black person, black person is doing this black gunshots. You can tell that it sideways, can't you? Blue love. I don't matter, yeah. I get so rough. I also love that like these, these are like friends of his from jail or whatever. They're like, Hey, Chris, what's up?

And he's like, I'll try to get back with my girl. And he's like, Oh, that girlfriend of yours that looks just like Katie Perry. No, the fuck she does. I feel like that's something the actress kept saying she kept saying, I look just like Katie Perry. Don't I? And the director's like, fine, fucking whatever. Sure. We'll put it in the goddamn script. You look like goddamn Katie Perry. Anyway, but Chris doesn't want to catch a ride with these criminals because, you know, he's straightened out and turned Christian. Okay. And just one other detail on these aggressively ethnic people.

Did they not have multiple grill pieces each on each of their sets of teeth? They were like, no, it was crazy. Like one guy, one of mine has, like, spinners on. Yeah. Yeah. One has like one over his mouth, like a Hannibal Lecter mu muzzle little spinning miniature rims on each tooth to it's crazy. All right, so then we get this goddamn phone conversation between Jonah, the douche patch husband and Hannah, Catherine Hygels personality. And he's like, oh,

she's Ram exhausted from a long day of bombing a borscht. I mean, being at this here thing, this convention. And she says, I'm going to go to a party with Jennifer, but I promise not to get raped. So rough. And then it's like, I love you. No, I love you more. No, I love you. Just to hang her. I hate phone calls in movies more than the real ones, maybe 19 minutes of hang up. You know, you hang up. Like I thought they were gonna start talking about the Fed despite me, and I was gonna quit the job. That. And by the way, this is the third time in the movie now that they've made us go through this.

I love you. I love you more. No, I love you more. Thank right? Because that's what this idiot fucking writer thinks is a good relationship. Anyway, so now we cut over to Jen and Hannah getting ready for the party. And Jen has gotten them a hotel room just in case they wanted to do some lesbian stuff later, I guess. Yeah, I was into that for a second. Turns out opposite happens. But yeah, Jen's like,

I got a, got a, got a room, you know, here we go. It's right here. And Hannah's like, you got us a room. They've been walking through a hotel this whole time. So yeah, right. You wouldn't be, you wouldn't be confused or you'd be just wildly stupid. You had no idea what was happening in your life moments ago where you were walking. And I did. So I enjoyed Jen's outfit here, which apparently she was in charge of. You said she was the wardrobe. Well, What did some other movie? I don't know. Okay. Okay. So it was her previous film experience.

Got it. So she didn't choose the prostitute themed aerobics instructor outfit for herself. That she's wearing like a torn up umbrella and a cargo net to this birthday party. Yeah. All right. So they head to the party. And by the way, Hannah looks insanely uncomfortable to be around several black people. And it's not the character.

Like the actress is very clearly terrified of melanin, right? Oh, absolutely. There's, it's a party of more than one black person. And she was ready for one. Like she didn't, she's done the one. There's like, this is my black friend. Like that's it. And okay. Yeah. Got it. She was there. There were like seven and she's panicking. She's on a move. Yeah. Yeah. So they go to the party. They sit down on a couch and then two guys come up and they're like, Hey, let's have alcohol. And she's like, no. And then the guys like, please. And she's like, okay. Right. And right before this happens, what are my favorite

moments? They Hannah and Jen sit down on a couch. And they're supposed to have at most two seconds of unscripted, just like, Oh, we're sitting down at a party talking, but they had to cut the audio because they obviously had no idea what they were just like, catch us, catch. Action, action, action. But yes, so they finally start the scene with them terrified and dude walks over and offers them drinks. Yeah. And by the way, this is going to be very important.

He basically the two guys that offer drinks, they basically just wave to the hostess of the party. The hostess of the party brings the drinks. Yeah, Bri, who Jen works with is the hostess. And she brings them drinks. They order, by the way, I fucking hate this. We'll have shots and beers. Why name drinks? You can't name movie. Can never name a drink. Just any shot and any beer. Fuck you. Yeah, exactly. I'm pretty sure they think those are drinks. Anyway, so yeah, so Jen at that point gets a call from her stalker ex-boyfriend, right? Oh, Chris. And she's like, I don't want to talk to him. Here, you talk to my stalker ex-boyfriend, right? Oh, Chris. And she's like, I don't want to talk to him. Here you talk to my stalker ex-boyfriend convict guy and hands the phone over to him.

Yeah. So she has to go outside and like talk the ex-con down and the ex-con saying annoying religious stuff. Like, okay, we'll just tell her I'll pray for her. Like, oh, God. The worst. Yeah. And but now she goes to go back into the party. And she has this like very clear, like, roofie moment, right? Because she had just drank

her drink. She, she chugged a glass of champagne right before this, right? So, you know, she comes back in her friends, like, are you okay? And she's like, that roofie didn't agree with me. And she passes out on the couch. Now, look, this movie was made in 2015. If your friend doesn't get suspicious when you have half a drink and start passing the fuck out, your friends sucks. Yeah. Kind of feel like it doesn't matter what year it was also. That's just, oh, you got poisoned just now. You were poisoned. Clearly, let's look into that. But that apparently is now what happens. And what does happen is, I guess when you pass out from GHB or roofies or whatever this is, you get text flashbacks to the most recent movie script

you've read. And in this case, yes, yes, we get these echoes of lines we've already heard on the black screen for like, I don't know, two and a half minutes. Yeah. It's weird. And just to recap, the drink was handed to her by Bree that the hostess brought her this drink just. Yeah. The pin in that for later. Yeah. Yeah. That that will matter. Okay. So now she wakes up in the in the rape tub. Um, and so she, she walks out also doesn't put a fucking towel down. I look now that I know that it's post-rape, I forgive her for it, but it's still positive. Yeah. And again, with like the hamburger I make up, like, just don't. Yeah. What? Who thought that whatever doesn't

matter? Yeah. So she goes out into the hotel room. Jen, by the way, is passed out in the other room Like at first I was like was Jen also raped or did she just not she come in and she's like, oh, you're raping her I don't want it in a rob. Yeah, what? What happened there? Who the fuck knows she came in from being drunk found her friend Passed out in raccoon. I'd sleeping in the bathtub full of water and she's like, oh, she looks cozy, I guess. He's doing, oh, so by the way, with, with, you know, and by the way, when Hannah realizes that she's been raped, here are her words. Oh, my goodness.

Literally, that's her fucking line. Oh, my goodness. I've been raped. Like, it must suck to be a Christian, right? Man, and then the tone, the tone of this movie is like, man, oh, a rump, raping, stupid raping. And also her first reaction to this, after the Oh my goodness, Oh my gosh thing was,

my husband's gonna be so mad at me for being raped. Yup, that's the reaction, correct. And by the way, she's right. I'm so uncomfortable at all moment. Like that's my most common note in this movie. It's just like, I don't like this. I'm uncomfortable. I'd like to leave the movie. I'd like to quit the show. It's so it's so depressing. Yeah. Also, I really need the rapist not to be the scary black guy like it is right now, because that's what they've done. That's what they've set up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And, and, you know, spoiler, it won't turn out to be the scary black guy. You think it is,

it was a different scary black guy. Right. They don't even fucking fix it. Just make it, I like it. So easy. It's so you get to write it. Yeah, you're white. Don't make the rapist. The rapist has to be the color of the writer of the movie. I think that's a rule. That should just be a rule. There you go. Or the leads, whatever it is, the majority. Why? You know, it's a white. Thank you. Yeah. Like, yeah. Jesus. Okay. And then she prays, right? Oh, yeah. She's she. She's fine. Jesus, please help me. Yeah. She asks Jesus to help her.

I guess, you know, yeah, help me Jesus. Yesterday would have been a great spot for helping too. Earlier in the evening, anytime, but maybe today, if you get a minute today, I don't know, help me with my life. Yeah, I feel like not get rest today. Today, if you got anything for that. So she does she goes to down line one one, but she can't bring herself to do it because

she doesn't want to tell her husband about it. And again, like this could be like a really good message of like, you know, here's a good reason why like mentioned so vociferously opine on the morality of rape or abortion rather so that women won't be afraid to tell them they got raped. But no, the movie never seems to recognize that. Anyway, so she goes home from the hotel to do some bad acting some more. She's mad at the dress, right? Like, there's this big moment where she throws away her sexy dress. As though the movie is like, yeah, I deserved it. I was wearing a very short dress, right?

There's no other way to interpret that. The only positive that comes out of this is like, yeah, I mean, I guess save all the evidence, but call the cops would be great, but save the evidence if you're taking a step in the direction at least. And you know, look, I'm not going to, I'm not going to like go too far on that because I understand that a lot of women don't report, right? And I understand that they have their reasons and it's not up to me to decide that for that. I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine.

Yes. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. And got Jesus. There's so much. There's going to be so much of that in this episode. Apologies.

It's all Eli's fault. I know they're about to tell us this is part of God's plan. We know that that's what's what's going to happen in this movie. That's what the Romans of passage is talking about. Oh. All right. So she goes to bed. She lays down in bed. Jonas gets home eventually. And I had to write this in my notes. The bed that they're in is so fucking cheap that when he like lays down in the bed next to her and gets back up the headboard sinks and then rises

back up. So fucking cheap. Like a good guys at least get the IKEA. Okay. I own a headboard for the first time in my life right now. It's pretty exciting. I actually don't even know it came with the apartment. So I've never, correction never owned a headboard, but I have one now. All right. So meanwhile, we cut back to Chris. He's harassing Jensen or Chris, the ex-convict guy is has showed up at Jensen's house to, to stalk her. And look, as if, you know, you best birth that rate, maybe isn't a bad enough message. There's also a huge undercurrent of man. If you do enough stalking, though, it'll work. Yeah. Right? Absolutely.

That's, that's what's happening here. He's like, everybody deserves a second chance, you know, Thomas Edison. He tried to invent the light bulb like a thousand times before he got it right. And I wanted to be like, okay, well, that's, that's, that's really, not really a second chance then. You're describing an unrealistic amount of being nice to stalker ex-con, ex-boyfriends. Are, are we not? Okay.

Well, she even says that she's like, he's like, everybody deserves a second chance. And she's like, I've already given you a second chance. Like a 15th chance. Don't be a bitch about it. You know what I mean? Anyway, but he went to Jared. He pulls up this cheap shitty ass looking cross necklace. And I looked at it and I'm like, I feel like that necklace would have been the most offensive thing in this movie to Eli,

right? Every hug begins with Jared. Yeah. They will not kiss in this movie. They'll try again later where they should have definitely kissed. No, they don't. It's pretty great. But they do.

They do both in the middle of this conversation. Stop talking for a minute while a car drives by the shot and they kept it. They're both just like made conversation just like, wrong. Are we, are we cutting or keep rolling? He's doing the rolling thing with his fingers. Okay. We're keeping this pause that we're going to pause right now and keep it. Okay, got it. All right. Still this is a slow car. This is a various. Oh, it's a golf cart. It's a really loud golf cart. Oh, man. Okay. He's almost, when he's around the block, we'll start again. Okay. Hello, they're waving at him. All right. Speaking of pause, take this necklace. Yeah. A guy getting tortured on it that I bought

you. Yeah. So okay, so and then just then Hannah pulls up, right? And so Jen's like, oh, you've got to leave. There's another scene about to happen. And then they have this really weird, okay, so they go inside Jen and Hannah go into, into Jen's house. And they have this conversation, which is it's obviously that she got raped, right?

Like her problem, she's going like, hey, remember when I woke up, all naked and fucked up in the hotel room that you and I were at after I left after half a drink because I was feeling woozy and and and Jen's like, yeah, I wonder what happened there. And she's like, it was, uh, it was, uh, never mind. And she's like, okay, never minding. Yeah. And she's like, okay, never minding. Yeah. And she's like, oh, was it black Ryan? It's like, maybe, I think we could just say Ryan though,

but maybe, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. And by the way, like, fucking Hannah, the character plan, a lady plan, Hannah is such a bad actress that you feel like she's making fun of rape victims. She's like, rape victims are like, this, like, bly, bly, bly, that's how it feels throughout. And I know it's just that like she's not a good

actress, but it's impossible not to think that as you're watching this movie. Maybe get a good actress one time in one of these movies. I like my note here is I feel uncomfortable having any notes about how this gets handled by a victim or anything about this whole topic. Yeah. So she tells Jen that she got raped and she's like, have you told your husband? She's like, no, he's going to be mad at me for being raped again. She is correct in that assessment. He is the pastor character. All right. So now we cut to a restaurant that I would take Eli to as revenge for making me go to that French place. And the SVU cops are there with another lady who were introducing apparently she's a cop character as well. And they're having the why did you become a cop conversation?

And by the way, the real answer to that is always, well, I was unemployed and they were hiring, right? answer to that is always, well, I was unemployed and they were hiring, right? Anyway, oh, and they also talk about what a great shot she is, right? Oh, yeah, they're very specific about this. Like, remember when she was the range, I heard dying kidney must have fucked up or shooting because according to these cops, she can hit bulls eye every time. I again, they will not fire this literal check-off scone. It does not matter. Nope. They keep, nope. They must have cut something that like they got real excited about it. And then they were like, oh, this is, we made it two hour

and ten minute movie. This is rough. We have to cut stuff. I, you know, if I had to make about, I would be like, you know what, they, they said at a certain point, they're like, yeah, you know, if I had to make a bet, I would be like, you know what, they, they said at a certain point, they're like, yeah, you know, having the cops shoot an unarmed black person in the movie was probably a little too far. Let's just make him the rapist. So let's stick with our positive message. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, in case you forgot, lady cop is an orphan. Every goddamn scene she's in, she has to like fit in. I am an orphan who was adopted. Yeah. And by the way, at this point in the movie, I'm thinking to myself, all right, prediction, the rape baby that's obviously about to happen, donates a kidney to this. And then she gets her powers of shooting back and then she can kill us. And on blackboard, I don't know what's going to happen.

Without the movie realizing that stem cell research could fix lots of kidney problems because fucking ass. Oh, Jesus. All right. So now we cut to Hannah and bed in this really weird shot that looks like she's trying to shove something larger than her vagina into her vagina. She was, I mean, that's not what happened, but I would challenge you to watch this scene and not assume that that was what was happening at the beginning of the scene, right?

Oh, she, she was absolutely masturbating. I got really confused for a second. I was like, wow, back on board with this movie. Hold on, hold on. Wait, I said, I must have like popped up a different window or something. I'm not watching pure of like I want to call Noah and see if this happened in his movie. No, it did. Yeah. And then also like right after that, she goes and she gets the gun that they keep right beside their bed. And so like if you blink, you assume she pulled that gun out of her vagina, like she'd been hiding it there the whole time. Or so like, if you blink, you assume she pulled that gun out of her vagina, like she'd been hiding it there the whole time, or maybe like since the rape she keeps it there just in case, I don't know. But she gets a gun, she loads the gun, and then she

puts on her murder shades. It's the middle of the night. Makes no sense. She like pulls the hood over her head. There's nobody around though. And it's not the night. So I like, I really wanted to see her stumble to her car with her sunglasses. And then now she's driving and it's like, yeah, okay, well, she realizes to herself the sunglasses. That was a little too dramatic. I was by myself.

I'm going to take the shades back. Yeah, right. The very next scene we've got her driving without the sunglasses on her the hood up. It's amazing. But no, she's going to go shoot to death. The last person she remembers talking to before she got raped. And what, right? Yeah. What's her plan right now? Just like drive to the black people area and be like, has anyone seen a black guy named Ryan? He's rapist. Does anyone know rape Ryan? Rape Ryan.

Then it's like, no, sorry, never mind. There he is. I found him. She drives to him. She drives directly to him on the side of the road. Yeah. How the fuck she knows where he is? This be out.

She's got GPS coordinates for rape Ryan, I guess. I don't know, but she's about to walk up and murder this guy on the thinnest threat of evidence. But then this is so goddamn weird. The girl she harassed on the way into the abortion clinic walks by. So she's like, okay, I'm not going to murder that guy. Yeah. What?

Yeah, that's an interesting twist. I mean, I feel like that woman gets a free abortion now, just like only fair, right? She like saved one right. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Like the next time that girl's walking past the protest, Hannah has to be like, no, no, stop. Let her through.

Yeah, no, she, like, she stopped an actual murder. I wish you could stop. Guys, let her pretend to want the math checks out. It's she can do this. Let her go. Yeah. All right. So now we cut to what is supposed to be a romantic dinner between the lady cop and

her husband, except it's a buffet. Right? Like he shows up with his own plate of food and they think it's a fancy restaurant because there's candles. We should order more of the cheesy bread though. We have to order that with the waiter. The cheese bread's not a thing. Yeah, right. Right. No, they bring the bread sticks though. It's candles. We should order more that cheesy bread though. We have to order that with the waiter. The cheese bread's not a thing. Yeah, right.

Yeah, right, right. No, they bring the breadsticks though. It's fancy. And then she starts talking about how she was adopted again for fuck's sake. Right? The guy's like, her husband is like, so are you going to hunt down your biological family to see if one of them has a spare kidney and she goes, I'm adopted. And he goes, no, that was a correct was it to my statement. Okay. Nobody gives a fuck about this storyline.

The sexual assault story arc kind of soaks up all the sympathy. What are you doing? Move on. Well, speaking of which, just then her partner calls because the serial rapist is struck again. Right. And he says it all weird. This is her partner detective slate on the phone. And he's like, all right, Carla, we got number six. It's a weird way to, like, you mean six rapes? Don't announce stuff in terms of like a rape tally man. Thanks. Just say. Yeah, let's look to the scene and stop stamping them on the side of the car. Like the goddamn world war one flying. You're not doing that. It's fucked up. You're an asshole. Okay. So she shows up at the scene of the crime and the cops go to

in to interview the latest victim. Basically, this is how that goes. Do you remember anything? No, try harder, right? Uh, yep. And she's like, I can't remember anything. The cop, the partner slate gives her his numbers. Like, if you remember anything, or if you just want to accompany, you know, like he's obviously doing it for the police reasons, but the actress playing this like he's hitting on her. Or maybe he's actually slipping this actress his real number, right? That would surprise me.

Yeah. Anyway, but as they're walking away, she does remember one thing, the rapist wears cologne. Yeah. That's, I mean, is that a clue? I feel like I don't think that over emphasizes overestimates the significance of this to a police, but I really wanted them at this point. I was like, okay, cool. So actually, this could be interesting. Maybe they'll do a smelling lineup. Like, if it's a point, if they do a smelling lineup, I'll be back on board with it. Like, I will, I'll enjoy the moment of the smelling lineup at least. Well, yeah, because the, because the cop lady she even says, do you think you would recognize

it if you smelled it again? And I'm just like, you know, at the, uh, cop lady she even says, um, do you think you would recognize it if you smelled it again? And I'm just like, you know, at this point, I'm just glad that no one asked if he smelled black, right? Like that, that's really at this point. Like, the smell line up is like, I expect it. Like guys in one black guy,

she's like, that one's different. That one's different. Right. God. First draft, definitely they had that. Yeah. No shit. Um, so yeah, but we had that. Yeah, no shit.

So yeah, but we don't do an old factory lineup. And instead we cut DeHanna coming home and Jonas is upset because she forgot about the big concert they were supposed to go to, right? And and this guy, like, okay, we're supposed to believe that for weeks now she's been open around and not talking to them and everything. And he is impossibly uninterested in her obvious trauma. Yeah, right? Like this character's name might as well be not all men anyway. So she wakes up the next day and she's sick almost like she's pregnant. Right. Yeah, and he made her breakfast in bed because again, not all men.

Right. It was an ice cream sundae though, respect. That's that's a good. Yeah. Well, right. No, yeah, that's he brings her an ice cream sundae and he said, I made your favorite breakfast in bed. I'm I'm I like this woman's taste.

That's cool. Yeah. Well, right. No, that's good. I would marry him for the. I want some savory in with my sweet. Like if you're making it like you got to make me both, but that's that's a start. Yeah, maybe a little bacon to go with the ice cream. Yeah.

All right. So now we get her go into the store to get a pregnancy test and she prays a little and the prayer might as well be like, all right, I know I said I wanted a fucking baby, but with a black baby, he's going to be all kind of pissed. So then she finds out she's pregnant and the camera does the, like they're trying to do the like nauseous spinning camera thing, except they very clearly just hung the camera on a rope and twisted it a couple of times, right? And it can't go very far.

So it's going one way and then spin and back the other way. It's slowing down. It's going back. That's weird. All right. So she goes out for a sad dejected walk. The soundtrack is pretty sure she's going to fight some ninjas along the way. But no, she's going to the abortion clinic. But all those assholes from the beginning are there

protesting because they're the bad guys. Yep, it's an awkward moment. She's like, hey, Hannah, you want to jump in the abortionist murder march? We always do it together. No, no, I'm just some kind of tired. Oh, I got an idea. What? This will be funny. This will be funny.

What if I walk in there, like ironically, like I guess it's like, oh, I'm going to do it. I'm going to get it a little more. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. been going on for several weeks that you've just been for several weeks. You haven't had a conversation with her like, to find out why she's obviously suicidally depressed. Jesus. Yeah. Also for several weeks for the whole movie, what, what is this guy's job? What he's, or her or hers? Yes. He's a, I think a pro life pastor is what we hear at the beginning, right? He's a pastor of something, but and also a, a melter of thing. Cause that's all I can do. He seems to just be melting stuff at a weird little desk every time she walks in. Don't know what that would be.

Yep. And no clue, no clue, something with a hot glue gun and being a pastor. Yeah. And by the way, to give you an idea how badly this is written, he says, I don't understand. And she says, I don't expect you to understand. And he says, how do you expect me to understand? Those three lines like, like the screenwriter saw all three of those next to each other. Right? Or was it like, there was a page break? So we forgot. What about it? No object permanence in his script or something. What are we throwing in different words? Maybe comprehend. I don't understand. I know. Got it. How do you expect me to understand comprehend? Yeah. But that's the whole fucking scene. And then he accuses her of cheating. Oh, right, right. And she's like, no, well, okay, technically no.

Technically no. Oh, fuck. Hate this movie so much. All right. So meanwhile, Lady Composite the station, cop, moping, because you know, bad kid, and he can't find the rapist. And then, oh, and I have to wait this up by the way,

Lady cop, we hear desk like three times. There is a picture of a nine year old boy on our desk. And I have to wait this up by the way, Lady Cop, we hear desk like three times. There is a picture of a nine year old boy on our desk. This character does not have a nine year old boy. It just didn't occur to somebody that they needed to move that off the desk before they started filming. A very similar thing with the jerk off lotion next to Hannah's bed, right? Oh, hopefully unrelated.

Cool. Yeah. Yeah. I just bought this frame. I didn't, I just liked hopefully unrelated. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. I just bought this frame. I didn't, I just liked the frame. I didn't take that frame. Yeah, right. Get in there.

Keep me in to put something significant in there. All right. So, so she's sitting there copped, moping and the other, the black lady cop shows up and she's like, Hey, here's that file you needed to move this plot along a little bit. Yeah. So she drives off. Apparently she's going to find her her biological family at this point. Right.

Yeah. To get a kidney. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So she pulls up to this to the house and she does the impossibly little tibet knock and then she runs away like a pranking nine year old, but she's part 98 yards away from the fucking door. Like obviously someone's gonna get to the door before you get back to your car, right? You got to dive into the bushes and wait for you. Right. And they clearly hear you,

but they were embarrassed because of the social contract and I want to pretend that they got in merit. It's a whole thing. It's how it works. Also, it probably didn't help the that she's wearing fucking gigantic heels throughout, right? Like that didn't speed her up at all. Yeah, I really hope that police are not allowed to wear nine inch stiletto heels when they're on the job. Like this woman is. Right. But no, she can't quite get back to her car. Her biological mom opens the door and is coincidentally the same age. Right? These two actresses are the same fucking age. Yeah. So they go in to have a conversation. And it's, it's the whole like, um, why did you hate me so much that you gave me up for adoption? She's like, I loved you so much. I didn't abort you. Yep. Okay. They were in

high school is what we learned, which is exactly when you should have an abortion. That's true to God and abortion. Absolutely what you should have done. God. Yeah. I also love the line where the mom's like, I couldn't have taken good care of you. But look at you now, you're successful. And I'm like, what gave you the impression that she was successful though?

That cheap ass blazer. I don't think. But anyway, so, so, so the impression that she was successful though, that cheap ass blazer? I don't think. But anyway, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so adoption and she made it. She's a detective and you know, she wouldn't exist otherwise. Some other better baby might exist, but that's never meant to. But like the mom is like, you know, adoption is great for white babies. And you're white. We are white and adoption is great. Yeah. And then detective car was like, all right, cool. Well, I'm about to play the guilt card. Super hard. Uh, yeah. Is that person I just met three minutes ago? How much ice do you have in your house right now? Just to get to Does this smell like chloroform to you? Don't worry about it.

All right, so meanwhile, Jen is watching public domain on television. It's so weird. She's watching. So this I actually got to like, she's watching. Don't worry about that mule. The music video by Louis Jordan. It's like old timey jazz, apparently, which great. I'm sure. But right. Jen is really big Louis Jordan fan like weird, weird choice. Like somebody read, you know, Sid Fields book. And this was Jen's entire backstory that they could think of. She was a big jazz history puff. We'll do the thing with the Louis Jordan at the beginning, in no sense.

All right. So Hannah shows up to tell Jen that she's pregnant. She gets all cry, but Jen will be damned if Hannah's going to be the worst actor in this scene. So you, right, go to the first, she's like, okay, hold on, let me go get a coat hanger. And she's like, no, no, I decided not to do that part. But then she has to give the whole, no, you can't get an abortion because I got an abortion one time. And it made me super sad because I killed my own baby. Yeah. An awkward conversation. You walk it. It's like, Hey, so remember that great party. Thanks for the invite, BT Dubs. I'm growing a rapespawn inside my body.

No, And like this is not a good pitch for pro life. It's so good. Like Jen's explaining then like, Oh, I had an abortion. It was bad. No, that was great that you and your jailed boyfriend didn't have a child. That's awesome. Right.

That's amazing. This movie is making me extra, extra super duper pro choice, like past pro like mandatory. Like I want to be a sign spinner in front of plan parenthood and just like people in me and all Mary like who looks at the tricks who wants and abortion who has shit baby inside of your back by four and give fifth one free. Yeah right. Right. Perfect.

Come on. All right. Well, fuck this movie. I'm taking a break. But first, let me give act three. The hard. So did Eli by a house just to avoid fuck this movie I'm taking a break, but first let me give Act 3 the hard cell. Did Eli buy a house just to avoid watching this movie?

Shouldn't he have to watch it anyway, just as punishment for making us watch it? What the fuck? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the adjective-defying conclusion of, where is good? Unfortunately, Eli was unable to join us today, but I'm sure if he was here, he'd be the first to tell you that he's bald and impotent. That's right, Noah.

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A Borshin is murder. Eli. Abortion is murder. Abortion is murder. Abortion is murder. Excuse me, ma'am. Bug off language. Sexual intercourse off. Are you going in there to murder your baby? No, I'm going in there for an abortion. That's the same thing though. Nope.

What did you know that a fetus has a detectable heartbeat at six weeks? Um, yes, I did. Did you know that cockroaches have heartbeats? I don't see how that's relevant. Of course you don't. Now please fuck off. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you know that abortions are very dangerous?

No, they aren't. Yes, they are. No, they aren't. Yes, they are. No, they aren't pregnancy on the other. Okay, no, no, stop, stop, stop. Okay. But are you aware that many women get really depressed after they have abortions? That's not true. I have a pamphlet right here that would disagree with you, ma'am.

And who wrote that pamphlet? Not me. Have you ever heard of postpartum depression? I'm not sure how that's relevant at all. Well, if you were actually concerned about a woman's physical or mental health, you'd be suggesting abortion to random pregnant women. What's more, if there really was such a thing

as post-abortion depression, the most effective way to exacerbate it would be to stand outside of an abortion clinic and call women murderers. Right. But, uh, but do you know what the, what the Bible says about abortion though? Absolutely nothing. Oh. Are you sure? Yep. Read it from cover to cover.

But let's face it, if you were worried about taking the Bible literally, you'd be standing outside of a courthouse protesting judges who've sentenced rapists to anything more than a 50-shekel fine, which is about $14 US. Well, see, all the arguments you actually use aren't just nonsense, but they actually support the pro-choice side of this debate If you think them all the way through Okay, but uh, but abortion is still murder though. No, it isn't. Oh, yeah, well then what is murder then? Murder goes like this Right

Right Hell you're right. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our hero, she was wandering aimlessly as though she was surprised. There hadn't been a plot point yet. And we're going to join her getting home. This is so fucking weird. Okay, we didn't mention this earlier when she took the pregnancy test. She very carefully wrapped it in a plastic bag and then stuffed that plastic bag down into the trash can in the bathroom.

Right. And now she comes home and her husband has found it. Yeah, that's a weird moment. Just like, hey, honey, so I was just, you know, like normal sifting through our garbage bags for urine smells and I can't just stick inside of a bag. It smelled like you're urine. I'm being honest. I love they must not know that you have to piss on those things, right? Cause he's like lovingly stroking this thing. He hugs or he wipes it all. He basically like he uses it to spear an olive. It's so fucked up. I wanted to see the actual pregnancy test too, like, because this is, you know, a Christian

pro choice movie. I wanted to be like pro choice brand pregnancy test. It just says like, don't even fucking think about it. You're pregnant and it stays. Yeah. So he's, but he's all excited, right? He's like, oh, honey, you're pregnant. It's great.

And she's like, yeah, but every time I imagine being pregnant, it wasn't because I was raped at the end of act one. And so this is the point where she has to tell him, right? Because she hasn't told him yet about the rape. And look, I mean, if you've been raped and you have to tell somebody about, like, I'm not going to be judgy on the way you do it, but maybe don't open it up as though you cheated on him and then just leave it there for a super long pause. Yeah, that's, that's not good.

Good way to do it. Yeah, like, I mean, it's insensitive, but the way she's telling the story, I couldn't really blame him if at the end of it, he went, oh, good, you got raped. Okay. All right. Whew. Right. Right. But and also, you know, while we're on the subject of, you know, things you should do if rape is some tragic thing that happened, you know, stop believing in God because that's

crazy. Like that's literally they're like, oh, this is everything we've been praying for. Like apparently God's an evil genie then and he includes great big solutions. If you don't specify I'd like a child no using rape to get me there. Right. Yeah, exactly like again, some monkey paw shit. And so but also okay, so he gets upset less so than I would like by a bad call against or even a questionable call against the Jaguars, right?

But he's pissed. And he's basically like, I damn, damn it. I told you not to get raped. You're stupid idiot. Some guy at a party, what race? And what race, Hannah? Right? Right?

Name an ethnicity right now. It better be what? Yeah. And like he could not possibly be more of an evil bastard for here, right? Now eventually the movie will recognize he's the bad guy, but they don't let you know that yet, right? Cause he's going like, damn it, I told you not to go out with Jen every time you go out with Jen, somebody gets raped. It was bound to be you eventually, right? Like that's his, basically his attitude. Yeah. And he's still like good pastor character. According to the movie kind of.

Yep. Just like I knew we should have typed our prayers ahead and checked with a lawyer just to see whether we were wording it well because he's Jeannie. This is your fault. Yeah. But yeah. So he angrily throws the piss stick. And then I'm writing to my notes, okay, I hate him as much as the rapist character now. So, okay, now it's time to cut back over to Jen because she's still part of this movie. And she's getting ready for a hot date, but Damien, if Chris doesn't show up to stalk her some more. Yeah, he brings a box of like her stuff, you know, like favorite t-shirts and remote controls to VCRs and fletch like that you would have that bring back to the X and, and he sees her. She's all dressed up very clearly for a date and like a dress and make them the whole thing.

And he's like, Oh, what do you, what do you dress up for? She's like, Oh, no, Netflix by myself with no black guys. That's what I'm doing. I am not going to have a black guy over here. Yeah. So yeah, so he brings her this box of stuff and she's like, Hey, while you're here, can you help me lift heavy things? Because I'm a lady. Now, there's this great moment because he wants, she wants him to put this heavy box on the top shelf of her closet, which is fucking stupid because how you're going to get it down without breaking your neck later.

But he steps into the closet to put it out there and it plays like she's about to like close the fucking closet door lock it and run away. I really expected that to happen. No, no, no, no, no. Also, the box, it doesn't, it doesn't come close to fitting on the shelf. It's going to fall everywhere. Yeah. It's, it's the dumbest idea to put it, I wanted it to devolve into a giant argument about just like basic physics. You know, it's like, no, like I'll put the box somewhere else for you, but just look at the box and look at the shelf. Two cents of it are hanging off the fucking shelf.

This doesn't make any sense. Yeah. And then there's this weird moment where she goes, you smell really good. Are you wearing cologne? Cologne, cologne. And like the movie's trying to convince us that maybe he's the rapist because, you know, cologne, but like Jen was literally on the phone with him at work when she was roofied, right?

Yeah. And the movie doesn't expect us to know that. By Bree, the hostess of the party that we know this because we saw her do it. Yeah, right, right, exactly. We saw her bring the drink anyway. Yeah, but the movie has forgotten about that entirely. Okay, so and then just as they're about to get some hanky, punky going because he's been stalking her well, right?

He's doing the good stalking, but just then her date shows up and we get that awkward him leaving while the dates coming in moments. It's big stare down. I love it. Yeah. Uh, Jen's the worst though. Like I Like at this point, I'm honestly rooting for like the two guys to just leave together. Like dude, she sucks. Yeah. Oh, you gotta do it. And I gotta do she feared. Yeah, you want to, you want to do some games? You into smash brothers. I am into smash brother. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. So and then we have a completely useless scene where Chris goes to see his gangster buddy.

Now I figured that like this was going to be the moment where he gets back on the cocaine or something, but it's not nothing will ever happen of that scene. We just interspersed that with this. This is absolutely them forgetting that they cut a scene that this related to. It just have, it's 10 seconds of him being like, hey, can I come into your house? Yes. Door closed scene over. That's it for no reason of him being like, Hey, can I come into your house? Yes, door closed, seen over. That's it for no reason. Yeah. No, we cut immediately from that to Jonas driving around wondering how he'll ever get over his wife getting raped. And he and her sitting in a completely dark room because they're like, lighting, who did's lighting? This is night,

it's night. And the music, by the way way seems to think that he's gonna drive around until he reforges the shards of narciil right again the music has no idea what's going on in the movie but eventually though he comes back and he forgives her for getting raped see he's a good guy after all. What the fuck was that? He comes back and he's all smiley and she's all smiley. And they're just like, hey, hey, what's up? Why are we smiling? Both of us are smiling. Do you remember what happened in the movie? Is this the, are we in a different movie now?

No, no. Shoot now to order. I don't understand why we're smiling. But he does conquer into calling the police, which, no, no, no order. I don't understand why we're so. But he does talk her into calling the police, which yeah, that's a good idea. So yeah, that's that's actually correct. I think it might be the first correct thing that's happened in the movie. Like yeah, the next thing we should do is probably call the police. It was like physically jarring that the movie got something correct. There's a big pause too. He's like, okay, we got to do the right thing.

Two, three, four. And I'm expecting him to be like, call Hillary Clinton or something insane, but like, we just as like, we should call the police. I was like, oh, yeah, you should. Okay. Right. So we cut to her getting interviewed by, by Lady Cop, right? And she's like, well, the guy I was talking to right before I passed out and got raped,

was named Ryan and he was black. So, you know, and the fucking, the cops as was he wearing any type of cologne? Do you think you could sniff it out in an old factory lineup? We were going to have one of those earlier and we forgot. And also, this is a bizarre moment, too, right? Because she's like, have you watched the clothes you were wearing since then? And she's like, no, like, and she's a great because we might be able to get some evidence off of that. And I'm like, well, you know, if you want DNA evidence,

she's pregnant with his child. It's a pretty, pretty easy one. It's pretty easy one. I feel like there might be some DNA in there. Needless to say, is are made of DNA basically. It's not a scientist, but. And I wanted, and I wanted the end of the scene for Detective Carter to be like, yeah, so great job coming, coming forward

was the right thing. One last thing, kidney wise, how are you guys? Raise your hand if you have two, if you have one more kidney than you're using all the time, raise your hand. My hand is down. Is any of your hands should be. So yeah, so they, so they, they send out the dress for testing and they bring in Ryan for questioning.

Now, apparently this movie has no idea how getting arrested works because this is a black guy. They just shoot him, I think, when they walked in because he's a barber, they get him a mid haircut. Yeah. And this is a fun little moment. The guy getting the haircut is like, I mean, understandably pissed. He's like, dude, I waited for Ryan. Hector can't do the uptown fade right. He always fucks it all. Ryan's gone. Come on. Did you just wait? Can you not until he's done? It's like 10 more minutes.

Yeah. And this is also where we learned for the first time and not the last time that Ryan has a fucking I'd attic memory, right? Because this is supposed to be like seven, eight weeks ago. She slides over the headshots and she's like, do you know this girl? And like, honestly, I'm watching the movie. I would not have recognized this girl based on the picture they give her. They give Ryan rather, right? No. And he's like, yeah, no, I got her a drink at a party. And I'm like, no, you didn't. No, absolutely not exactly. So the exact words were, so you got her a drink and he's like, I got her a drink. What the fuck did that mean? How did the emphasis on different words in that sentence, I got her a drink.

Yeah, but no, you didn't. You snuck the fuck. No. No, the hostess got the drinks. You need to say this. Right. Were you guys watching this movie? God.

And then let me get one of my favorite moments. He goes, all right, well, am I under arrest and detective Carla does the like classic, you know, law and order police everything. She just the giant pause and then you watch her like picture, Mariska, and then the ridiculous triple take lean over thing. Not yeah. Yeah. So good. Yeah. So he doesn't know anything. And just then the, I guess the lab gets in touch with him and says, Hey, you know, we found traces of cologne on that dress. And we brought you a photograph of the bottle that Cologne comes in in black and white, like the Cologne had a mug shot that was on fire or something.

Yeah. Any Cologne isn't a, whatever. Okay. So now you see the Cologne, what, it's so stupid. Yeah, he goes like, do you recognize this Cologne? Yeah, like the emphasis they put on the smell, the smell of Cologne in this movie is really weird. Like they got really excited when they thought of that in the writing room, but I don't know, but I loved the, the cop acting in this thing. The like, first of all, the

two cop actors clearly gotten a fight over who gets to be bad cop and they couldn't decide. So they're doing bad cop, bad cop, like angrily at each other. Like I don't want to, you should have just stepped out. You should have act. We asked them to be in good cop. Whatever, this is both back up. You could see them being mad about that. Right. But then they're also doing like all the other like dumb cop acting tropes. Like they're breathing out way too loud. There's just a whole bunch of like hit Ryan saying something and then being like, yeah. And then tons of the table leaning thing also. The like, because that's, that's like acting school for the bad, for being the, the cop, just like day one over exaggerated exhaling day two, two handed table lean day three diploma.

And they're just going, just lean over the table. You're blown right in my face. That's weird. I also love that okay, so they bring him the picture of the Cologne and he's like, I didn't do it, but I know who did because I recognize that clone. Like, you and I live together for a fucking decade. I have no goddamn idea what Cologne you use. What the fuck kind of relationship? Does he have with this guy? I use old spice high endurance deodorant pretty sure the move for me most. But he knows it was it turns out it was breeze husband. That was the rapist, right?

Right. Yeah. Ryan knew based on looking at the cologne. Yep. Exactly. And then they go arrest that guy. And so they go to the, they go to the bar where they know that guy is apparently, um, breeze husband. And they, I enjoyed this part too. They made this guy. What's his name? Oh, I don't know if he even gets a man.

I think maybe it was dad, whatever breeze husband, they, they made him buy detective Carla a drink. Like she went in there undercover and like tricked him buy detective Carla a drink like she went in there undercover and like tricked him into buying her drink before they arrest him. And I want to watch that whole thing unfold like at first he doesn't want to buy her a drink and she's trying to like seduce it. It's not worth it. Yeah, like the sign fell but naked naked naked. Yeah.

Exactly. All right. So they, they arrest him and they go back to see Hannah, right, to tell them that, uh, that, you know, her, her testimony helped them catch the rapist. And this was the, like, it wasn't the first time I noticed this, but like every angle that they shoot this room from, you can see at least two crosses hanging on the wall. There have to be 39 crosses. Either that or they move the crosses around based on where they're shooting from, right? Anyway, there are crosses every fucking where and she's like, we have some good news.

We found your rapist. It's the other chick's husband who's birthday. Was, remember him? He had handcuffs at the beginning. We just kind of, I can't blame you for not remembering. He was very minor character. He was black. Oh, right.

Right. Right. Like, Jonas comes really close to being like, I remember he was very minor character. He was black. Oh right. Right. Right. Like Jonas comes really close to being like I knew he was black. I fucking knew. Ha ha ha. Well there's also a moment where she goes wait, it wasn't Ryan because I literally almost shot him to death in a parking lot in act two.

Good thing for that abortionist black woman who blocked me. She is a godsend. Yeah, right. And I love to that lady cop goes, no, as it happens, Ryan was a perfect gentleman. He took you to your hotel room and could have raped you, but didn't. And they overemphasized that like the writers trying to say, I know that not all black men are rapists. I do know that there are some non-rape is black men. Yeah. Great way to do that without saying it. Have the rapist be a white actor. That would have been better. So many. All right. So the cops leave. Jonas turns to where he says, well, half the battle is over.

And I feel like referring to her rape as a battle is probably the wrong analogy. But the other half of the battle apparently is that this rabidly pro life jack ass who goes to abortion clinics to protest and goes on TV to say that even in cases of rape abortion is evil, wants her to get an abortion, right? Yes, exactly. And it was like, you know, how am I supposed to get closure if I have the child of the rapist inside me? And Jonas is like exactly. And she's like exactly. And he's like exactly what? Who is he? Who is that? Are we on? And what he even says, and I quote, how do you expect me to let

you carry that baby? Right right because she pushes back on it She's like no, I want to have this baby because it could be your baby And he's like how do you expect me to let you carry that baby? What are you gonna toss her down some fucking stairs dude? Jesus, yeah, we don't know whose baby it is. Okay. What if we wait and see what color? No, no is okay, what if we wait and see what color? No, no, no, you're saying no, you're saying no, never mind. Let's, all right, let's do some math. Okay, 50, 50, it's dad is a rapist, right? 50, 50, it's me.

So, so we get the abortion and 50, 50, we kill half a rapist, right? That's a quarter rapist dead just the math. Read the book. Yeah, at this point in the movie, I'm right now my notes like if this movie does not end with this guy being torn to pieces by a giant Coat hanger, I'm not gonna be satisfied by the end of this movie. It's not gonna be. By the way, when we make God awful movies The movie the evil abortion doctor is totally gonna get stabbed in the heart with a code hanger. That's that's that's locked the fuck in. I also loved it. At one point she's like, well, what about all this hypocritical bullshit about your religion? And you're like, this is different.

You know it's different. He's black. Fucking awful. Should have mentioned at the beginning. Remember I said all scenarios like you can even you need to ask about race You can't just jump down on me later that you know you know you know why that's not fair All right, so now we we cut to the next morning and she's praying You know please God help me do the right thing and he's and he's like walking in there

Just like baby sickly just jingle in a coat hanger going hey, what day is it? What day is it? It's so silly. He's like, it's abortion day. Who's excited? Can we have the presents now? And then we go to the abortion? Or do you want to go to the abortion and then open the presents?

I never know, it's just better to do. It's so exciting. It's so exciting. I made you your favorite abortion day breakfast. It's so easy. Exo breezy. Sorry. Sorry. Not laughing yet. We're not like exo breezy. Okay. Abortion day though.

And finally when she's not like as excited as he goes, look, I know this abortion is going to be hard, mostly because of people like me. We're not really going to spend much time dealing with that, but it's going gonna be hard. And then she goes like, look, he's like, I'll go there and I'll help you. I'll push you down into the code hanger.

And she goes, look, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it alone. Like abortions are like facing the main bad guy. You understand? Oh, Jesus. And honestly, like at this point, like I wanted the movie to like, I wanted her to have to like fight her way through all the

Protesters like a ninja or something that would have made this the greatest movie ever right? I would have forgiven the last nine and a half hours of this movie if there had just been a great big fight See where she had to like keep moving up to different levels of the abortion clinic a la Bruce Lee or something anyway All right, so she goes to the abortion clinic, but quick before we can have interesting, like before we can follow up on that fucking story, we have to check in with Lady Cop, because she has to see about that kidney she has on back order so that we can have the most bizarre and lazy as thread closing in the history of film. Right.

So dumb. She goes into the doctor says, well, hey, I have good news and bad news. And I'm like, oh, you know, I love it when my doctor is coy about my diagnosis. All right. I'm thinking of a disease. Exactly. Doctors like, all right. So good news, bad news. So good news, biological news. So good news. Biological mom

is a match and she does want to give you a kidney. She's going to donate. But actually, she will not be doing that thing bad news. I got it wrong. You're fine. The bad news is that she's fine. How is that bad news, but regardless of who fucking says it like that, like doctors need to plan out the order of their talking. They need to say, really, that's important. I think they should write everything down ahead. And how does that, how does that even make sense? Like, how do you make that mistake?

That's like, yeah, so I read the chart upside down. And, uh, I heard somebody, yeah, M stands for dying without a kidney transplant, but W, this is funny. W stands for totally healthy kidneys. And this happens all the time. I don't know. We should underline. Is a weird system. We are. Is it weird? You're fine, though. Yeah. Really good news and good news. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The bad news though, is that you don't have read ol' Philly. I'm sorry.

You're gonna be in the main doctor. There's the bad news. I'm fucking crazy. But okay, now we cut to Jen. We check in on Jen. Now apparently she's just worked out, but we don't know that. So it really looks like she's just in a post masturbation stupor. Right? Sure. I like that better. I just said, sweaty. I thought she was jogging. Yours is better.

Yeah, mine's better. So, okay. Now she's going to go through the box. Well, I'll see if I just started off like, if I just cut it off there, it's even better. But no, she's going to go through that box of stuff that Chris brought her in the last scene she was in. And this is where she finds the goddamn poem. Chris has written her a poem.

No, I'm sorry. No, she did off of an eight year old's homework to create a poem, right? Exactly. It's so bad. Okay, I wrote down the opening. I'm not going to give you the whole poem because you, I love you too much for that audience, but this is the opening line. The day we met was when I knew my heart was yours

through and through. True, Lou, Lou. Mm-hmm. It's a tough job. And it gets worse from there. It's so bad. Right, like in the end, he has to say stuff like, this love for you out forever show,

because he can't think of another rhyme to get for the. God. It might as well have like on the back. Ro, I thought of one, Ro. What are you guys saying? Ro, rise with whatever. They actually, they show you like you can see the poem at a certain point and they literally have shit

axed out and some of the written words are written upwards to make them fit on the page. He had to use carrots, white out, crocked out, for again, a poem he was copying. He didn't wrap his mouth. He was literally transcribing by hand. Oh, it was so fucking bad. I, yeah, yeah. No, like literally the worst poetry I've ever encountered in my fucking life.

It was Vogue on. It was Vogue on it. Anyway, but, but, but it works, right? She's, she's just floored by the fact that he figured out how to rhyme through and to in the same poem. So she goes, she goes to see him at work, right? She goes to be like, all right, you stalk me just enough. Go stalking. Yep. And she runs up to him for the big kiss. Nope. No, no,

Christian movie. Christian hug. I'm surprised it wasn't a fucking side hug. Or one of those like, you know, 13 year old in a play, genitals pushed way out behind you hugs or something. Anyway, nose rubbed time. Eskimo kisses. All right. So now we go back home and Jonas, Hannah gets home, right? And Jonas is like, you don't look very aborted, right?

How do you abortion go? Good. Was it fun? Abortion day, right? No. No, you look not happy. Oh, yeah. She just couldn't do it. So he storms off and I want to say, okay, like, and we both actually have some derivation of this in our notes. But for the record, I'm as offended by the dude trying to brow beat this woman into an abortion, as I am about the protesters outside the clinic. Like, we mean it when we say pro choice. This guy is an asshole from both directions. Yeah. Uh, dear movie pro choice includes this scenario.

Yes. He gets to choose how complicated it is. Yes. He gets to choose how complicated is that? Yes. None. It's none complicated. Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, and she's, and she's like trying to talk, she's like, look, hun, God will help us through this stuff.

And he's like, God's bullshit. I just use that to make money. You know that, God damn it. And then once again, he blames her. He's like, you put yourself in this situation. And I wrote my notes at this point. I feel like punching the actor, not even just the character. Oh, my notes here are like, Oh, we're going to yell at the rape victims some more. I am skipping

the rest of the scene. And I genuinely, I had to skip the rest of the scene. Oh, you're lucky. You fucking did. Yeah, because she says she, you know, he storms out. She follows him into the other room and she's like you're right I should have listened to you I'm a bad person for getting raped that's a line that a man wrote in this script right his biggest issue with the rape apparently is that it will embarrass him in the future and then I should you not he punches him in the future. And then, I shit you not. He punches her in the fucking face. Oh, are you serious? Yeah, you literally skip this scene.

I literally skip this scene. He punches her in the fucking face and lays her out in this scene. Fuck. I almost fell out of my fucking chair. I'm like, okay, at least the movie knows he's the bad guy now, right? I mean, I don't know for certain though. I don't know, because she got right back up. So, biblically, he's in the clear, right?

She woke up within 24 hours of this. I don't even fucking know if they know this is the bad guy. But Jesus, goddamn Christ. Is that how it worked? Yeah, because I mean, so she's got a half black fetus inside of her and he knocked it out. So you're 24 hours. 48 hours.

48 hours. Just only half black. Yeah. No, you don't look honestly at this point in the movie, I was like, the only good way this is can end is if the very last scene is him getting locked up for spousal abused with the serial rapist. Yeah. Okay.

That would have been the happy ending of this fucking movie. with the serial rapist. Yeah. Right? Okay. That would have been the happy ending of this fucking movie. But yeah. So then she goes to see Jen. Oh god, there's like 15 minutes left in this fucking movie. I'll make it. I'm going to make it. So she goes to see Jen and Jen takes her to church so that we can get an extended musical

number. Because otherwise this movie wouldn't be long enough. Yeah. And at the church, you can see this exact same extras from that party. They didn't have enough money to make the rapy party extras different from the church acts in this way. Right. And then the same goddamn extras we get at the birthday party later for the rape, baby. Yeah.

Yeah. So, but apparently this is the point where they've got to sneak in the Jesus he stuff, right? This is where they sneak in the Romans 828 reference. Oh, yeah, they were clearly like, oh shit. It's like 10 minutes left in the movie. Well, it's just have the pastor recite Romans 828 or something like that. I don't know. And yeah. So he kind of does. He like paraphrases Romans 828. Basically like all the bad stuff's actually good. So don't get, don't stop being Christian, even if it's like if anyone brings up the argument from rape based grand planning, don't that's wrong. These are not

the drugs. You're doesn't count. That's an argument on our side. Jesus into existence if you recall. Stereous ways, right? Ray based grand planings and say, what's more mysterious than rape plans being good? That's fucking mysterious. Thank you, Ed. Jesus. All right.

So then we get a montage, right? We get, she's getting more and more pregnant lady cop is friends with her biological mom. Now Jen and Chris get married and they say, Grayson stuff. This goes on for guy. Oh, and lady cop can shoot straight again. Right. Because of, because of nothing being wrong. Right.

Right. Idiots. I did enjoy the little moment where Detective Carla goes to see biological bomb and it's just like, all right, funny story. You could have the kidney back. We jumped the gun. We should always check first before we, I feel like we should not take the kidney out right away.

We're going to put it back in, I guess. Sorry. And okay, so we're almost done, we're almost done, guys. And then we get Hannah going into the police department and honor away in, breathe, the rapist wife is walking out. I'm like, wow, that's awkward. Yeah, that's awkward. How is that, like, am I crazy?

How did nobody acknowledge this? Like we saw, uh, well they say that like he put the, the roofies in the drink between Bree pouring it and bringing it to her. He like got, he had like a, like an inside man at the champagne company and like, I took,

I took, I pre-roofed all the champagne. I didn't figure any of the guys. The whole factory I figured we'd get one of them them. I mean, a lot of broken eggs around the area of that factory, but I did the whole man and annelt it. Like what the, it's insane. And also an awkward moment to walk past the wife of the guy that you now know, it was your rapist like, hey, hey, all right, you're the, you're the girl that I invited to that party. Sorry, I didn't explain to you how the rape party works.

It's like a thing we do. I, you didn't do it right. Jesus. Yeah, but apparently this scene is only here so that a lady cop can come up to Hannah and offer up some words of wisdom that are, you know, the kind of wisdom you'd expect out of the writer, given what we know so far about David Manning as a screenwriter. Yeah. Terrible speech.

Like, I know how you feel. I'm adopted. It's a lot like a rape victim and domestic abuse victim adoption is the same. I feel you. I feel you. And then she goes to the grocery store because this fucking movie still isn't over. Right? Like this is the part where she runs into Ryan, the guy who she thought was the rapist and she's like, this is so funny. I came so close

to murder and you once, this is you're going to laugh. You're going to lie. Ryan, you remember me? I was, it's funny. This is why you didn't rape me at that time at the party. You did rape me. I do remember not raping you. Yep. Yep. Come to this derriere aisle off. It's just stupid.

Then she literally says that she literally says, do you shop here often? Oh god, for fuck's sake. So and then she's like, oh, hey, I'm super sorry. I have accused you of rape. And he's like, no, it happens all the time. I'm black. So cool. So, uh, well, last thing, uh, girl or a boy, and she's like, I'm going to let that be a

surprise. He's like, cool, cool. What about just racially? Did you get the about just racially? Did you get the racially? And anyway, so then the movie's not over some more. We get her sitting on a bench, getting divorce papers from her husband and she seems upset by this. I don't see bad Christian after all turns out. Yes.

Get divorced equally against the rules. Yeah. No, it is. It is actually the rape thing is only, it's 50 bucks, right? So 50 shackles, it's not even 50 bucks. It depends on the settlement, it might be less against the rules. Yeah. Great. So, okay, and then we cut to five years later, and I'm honestly, I'm pleasantly surprised

that the movie realized we didn't have, they didn't have to make the movie five years longer to get there, right? At this point, I'm surprised, but, but this is just here so that we can say, oh, look how cute her unaborted kid is. Look at that kid she didn't murder. Exactly. And they're playing at a bouncy castle, which is awesome. I fucking think that's it.

I'm never allowed to play. It's bullshit. Right. That's what you would be like the next time when I come to Cincinnati, we're renting a goddamn bouncy castle. And not letting the kids in. You have to be above the clown's hands. Fucking yeah. Little kids. Sure people. Yeah. Absolutely.

Really random conversation with just some character that has not been introduced to us, where she's talking about like, well, you know, getting raped wasn't that bad. Look how cute my kid is, right? Like, I should get raped more often, basically. At least, yeah. Oh, God. And okay, so now they go to a, they're having like the fifth birthday party for her daughter and Jen's pregnant too.

And the goddamn movie still isn't over. Yeah, just another one of those moments to be like, okay, well, my daughter's the best. I think this is a clearly a happy thing. It's weird to say it, but, you know, I'd get raped again. Like this was great. This is great. You have to admit, like all you bad them up. Worked out well. And then like one, two, three happy birthday. I never got aboard it. Woo. So honestly, like they, they, they, like clearly they couldn't think of a way for this movie

to end. So it just never ends, right? Like it's probably still going on another fucking window somewhere. Anyway, but, but now I will say that there was a positive message at the end of the movie, right? I wasn't expecting one, but it was there. The ducks. Yeah. It's so weird.

They go to a pond, you know, just Hannah and her daughter and their feet and ducks. And there's like a really big sign on the side of this like little dispenser for duck food that's like bread kills ducks don't feed bread to ducks like a real strong message to close it out. I mean, I wish movies wouldn't get all preachy like that, but there was apparently bread kills ducks. Yeah, they wanted to make sure there was something we could all agree on at the end of the movie. So yeah, don't feed bread to ducks people. All right. So it's over finally or maybe it's not like I said, maybe it's still going on some other windows, but I'm done with it anyway. So to close things, I Eli missed out

on this movie and it. it was as bad as anything we've ever done, but longer, right? So gross is gross throughout. In your opinion, what should Eli have to do as penance that would be as bad as watching this movie? Oh, okay. I think he has to review it himself. I think he has to do the whole.

Yes, yes, yes, to do impressions of the two of us along with and he's the line. And he has to do the whole show as Melania doing impressions of us. Oh, there you go. There you go. Patreon goal. All right. I honestly, I started to write it down and then I really, because I wrote down, move to and as best as Phil, House, and New Jersey.

And then in my, it personally, he actually, I already did that. So all right. And well, that's going to do it for our review of where is good. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to tighten our arteries again next week. So he tell us what's on deck. Faith, like potatoes is the title of the movie that we're doing. A pair of that. We have to come up with a dumber title than where is good? I guess this one has a period at the end. So it's faith like potatoes, the statement, not like faith like potatoes. Is love to see Dan Quayle try to spell that one, right? But apparently it's going to be a wildly racist movie against my people.

Okay. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 161 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon Dodgers and help make the show go. If you'd like to get yourself among their racing, make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby earn early access to an extended ad free version of every episode. You can also help us to unbelievable five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a

deacitation needed in the skeptic grad available on iTunes Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email gotoffemouysadumail.com, legal surfaces for this podcast are provided by the offices of PA and retours. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slatt

and a guvivo with drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neelan Bosnick. I'm Noel Lucien's Promised New Work Harden and none of the chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

That rapist got to keep his DNA going in the gene pool. Lady Cop died from renal failure and really shitty doctors. Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh. And if the rapist wasn't black, I'd have a stronger statement about good eugenics to make right now, but I'd not. Yeah! So Morgan, the bad news is that there's no Eli today, but just to be on the safe side, I'll breathe through my teeth the entire time.

So it'll be, it'll be all good. We can get that mom for the last time. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC, cap your a 2018 all rights reserved. 2018, I'll write's reserved.