God Awful Movies - 163: GAM163 God Friended Me

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of "God Friended Me" and learn what it's like for cops to watch cop shows. --- Come see us in London! We’re live on Saturday, October 6th, and you can get tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-london-tickets-47591873575 --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

And again, like now it's a buddy cop show. I do. Yes. Yes. Yes. God. I mean, I'm just picturing these writers sitting around with empty containers of Chinese food.

Okay. It's the black list, but it's the God list. Take out. Okay. We're going to scamper it. The black is the protagonist and the god is just a list Well done God awful movie OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OO OOBE OOBE OOBE OO OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OO immediate leftism, a good friend, Heath, and right. Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah. You know who's a good social media guy? Who's that? My space Tom.

My space Tom is friends with everybody. Never cyber stalked you or involved you in non consensual games of life and death. Good guy. How fresh of you and sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you? This fun afternoon, sir? 900 miles. Noah. What are you talking about? This is a podcast. We are sitting in the same room. Not facing microphone. Podcasts work. All right. So tell us, Heath. We've already thrown out some hints, but make it official. What will we be breaking down today?

We watched God friend me episode one, the pilot. It's the story of an atheist podcaster who gets friended on Facebook by God. And it's like they were talking directly to me. Like God wants me to stop being an evil blasphemer for a living and change my ways. Now, I mean, only I didn't have 5,000 friends already that I just filled up with dumb. I super duper question if I could. Yeah. Eli, how bad was this pilot? Well, if you love me myself and I, wisdom of the crowd living Biblically scorpion and Kevin can wait, but all those shows were just too high quality.

You will love this movie. Those are canceled CBS shows. Yeah. Which one is you being forced to listen to the show? Those are canceled shows. Well, and it was funny as you could have put it together just as long of a list of TV shows with the exact same plot as this one that I've been canceled in the last four years, right? Anyway, okay.

So look, I get that TV writers and computers have a complicated relationship, right? Anyway, okay. So look, I get that TV writers and computers have a complicated relationship, right? Like this goes all the way back to the 80s, the 70s, whatever. At least as long as I've been watching TV, I remember watching a show at one point where two super hackers were hacking so hard that they were both typing on the same keyboard at the same time. No, I have spacebar, I have spacebar. But I feel like this show reaches new levels of not knowing how anything works. So before we get to the best worst, what do you guys think that this show got the wrong guests? Oh, it's so hard.

It's so hard. Podcasting, microphone. Yes, you know, don't use microphones. The physics of noise. Rent. Okay, I'm going to go with an easy one. How safe it is to be a black guy and break into a house in New Jersey. Yeah, that just happens in passing. Oh, Heath.

I'm going to go with the minority report suicide super computers that they have. That's all I'm going to say about that. There will be a machine learning suicide themed supercomputer in this TV show. Or will there or is there? the game. So it's a good morning. Suicide themed super computer in this TV show or will there or is there honestly it's the other option they're going to offer us up is that God exists. So of the two, what is certainly more likely and it's still better than deception. So again, you got to weigh

or Kevin, get away. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go with, besides all the things we already mentioned, best worst understanding of New York City. Just a top one quick example. This atheist podcaster lives in Manhattan and an apartment, the size of Manhattan.

It's absurd. He makes, he makes 30 grandier max on his day job and clearly nothing on his podcast. But he's like showing up at Monarch and Rachel's place to buy their building. He's doing a Jared Kushner at Trump Plaza, refusing to rent to himself because he's black. Yeah, I'm pushing her a Trump plaza. Refusing to rent to himself because he's black. So yeah, he had a hell of a view out of that $17,000 a month apartment is Jesus. All right, I was going to go with best worst questions. Okay.

So like four or five different times in this TV show, somebody will pose the atheist character a question. And then they'll get, they'll be a commercial break. Come on. So he was about to answer that question. There's not enough room in this. And he hears the thing because any of those questions are the kind of things that like one guy who had thumbed through the God delusion once could just destroy in a heartbeat, but because they're trying to sell this show to 90 year olds that still watch network television, they can't allow him to answer any of them, right? No, just like Eli jumps in. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do watched 162 Christian movies. So we have seen a lot of atheism stories, but a double bluff.

You guys, I don't want to spoil it, but, uh, hey, they pull a real switcheroo on the A.C. origin story here. It's quite amazing. All right, well, I've got a mysterious friend we're quest to take care of. So we're going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the poorly contrived bullshit that is God fronted me episode one. And I mean, contrived bullshit for a TV show. Yeah. Also, is it episode one, if it's also the series finale? No, they already filmed the second one. There'll be a second one. It's a pile and now Lee. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm no illusions. And I'm Tay Diggs.

You're not Tay Diggs, Heath. I'm Tay Diggs. Fine, I'm Heath. I'm Heath. And this is a very special message for the folks over at God friend of me. Look, whether you're an intern is being forced to listen to this show because you're running metrics on your pilot and our episode is going to get more attention than you're show did or a cast member who took this show because you needed work and like main characters

and atheists. It's not that bad. We want you to know that we forgive you. We do, we forgive you. You didn't write this show. And when you got the script, you were too busy calling your mom to let her know you were starring in a pilot to think about what if this show were about a Jew

who gets friended by Jesus on Facebook? Right, or a Christian who gets a friend request from Allah. After all, atheists are just old British guys. And you're an atheist, kind of. Right. So again, we want you to know that we forgive you because you didn't know the whole Pennsylvania thing was going to happen right before your premiere. Bad timing on your premiere. That's rough. And you know, you're not like Mike Pence Christian. You're a good type of Christian. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you read the Bible? We did. It's, it's a bad book. A lot of slavery in there. But clearly you haven't. No, you didn't. So we forgive you, especially Brandon Michael Hall. Wait, what? I want to kiss his face. Okay. Now you've made it weird. I love you, Brandon. Me

too. I love you more, Brandon. No, Brandon, you see, right? And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to start off on a shot of New York City. So I'm already telling this show to go fuck itself. Look, you're, you're showing how God in it or it can have New York City in it. You can't have both. God damn it. Yeah, we banned him. New York City. You remember when Eli had dreams recently?

No. All right. So we're going to meet our atheist podcaster. And here's how quickly they get it wrong. He has an in studio guest. Yeah. Well, he has an in studio guest, $600,000 microphones, and they are facing the opposite directions from them.

Well, right, right. No, he's talking sometimes nearish to his microphone. And he's got his little, he's got his little diatribe, right? He opens off in his little monologue where instead of saying there is no god, he says there is no proof of God, because that's as close as they're willing to come in this show. And you already know they lost nine out of 10 of the listeners they were courting for this show when they aired that like it was just us left over after that moment. Yeah.

And where's he going from from there just like there's no proof of God anywhere in the universe. Okay, time for a new podcast. He likes the West Wing. What about that? And of course, he's interviewing a rabbi, right? So he says there's no proof of God. And she says, now, there's proof of God right here in this book that's demonstrably false. End of scene.

Yeah. Well, it's not just any rabbi. It's his cool hip lady rabbi friend who he went to NYU. Oh, yeah. I love it. Yeah, went to NYU. He's an atheist podcaster. It's eerie. Like, like, it's Eli, but black and happy. And yet, not shitting right now. It's like semi bizarre you are like every other fact is like Eli than not Eli, then Eli, the not. It's a weird wish master situation. It's like you want to be a really, really good looking black guy and I was like, yes, please, but your podcast isn't doing as well. I'm already hitting, but your dad's alive.

They actually say that too. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. If he sits on a plate on his first try, I'm Christian at this point. Hi, intern, you got to listen to the whole show, but that makes sense. All right. So yeah. So they've got, oh yeah, instead of ending the scene here, rather than answering the ridiculous, they're, she literally says there's proof of God in the Torah. So rather than answering that, he starts talking about his daddy issues right away, right? His dad is a pastor and he's an atheist.

Oh my gosh. It is the best. He's like, well, I could answer that. But instead, how about a little exposition? Yeah. Well, I mean, the closest he comes to answering is he's like, okay. But like if I came to you today and said I was just over here talking to a burning bush, you think I was insane. And she's like, no, I wouldn't like, okay, but you'd be wrong though. He wouldn't be insane though.

Like a psychologist would say he was insane. She does say no. It's amazing. And then that you see both actors freeze. She goes, no. And like, uh, but is that the light? They're both pulling out of script looking at it out of the table. Are you sure that's her? That's stupid even if you believe in God, just show up and command stuff. Why you been all fucking cryptic with burn the bush? And of all the things you can appear as your avatar is a burning bush. God damn it, that's lame for an omnipotent person.

Quick question. Do they like fire humans? Is that comfort them? Because I want to appear in a very like communicable manner. Do they like bushes? Yeah. And then of course, this scene has to end with her going, what happened to you, Miles?

Because, you know, our atheist character couldn't just be good at logic or anything, could he? No. And by the way, something did happen to Miles Spoiler alert. Yeah, right. Cancer. Yeah, right. No, he, he, he, he, he, he, he looks off and he's like, we're not going to reveal that

until the end of the episode. But yes, there is some trauma in my life that caused me to believe that burning bushes can't fucking talk. All right. So then we leave from there and then we get like our next hint of how little they know about how podcasting works because we cut to him on the phone, leaving a message for that guy from serious XM. He wants to get hit the big time and be on serious XM.

Yeah, he's pitching to serious because beta max won't return his calls. I'm guessing. Hello, serious. I have an atheist podcast. Please put Howard Stern on the line right now. And they hung up. Okay. Hello, TGI Fridays. I have an atheist podcast. That's what's happening. Well, and just then God sends him a friend request because he and he's got his phone set to where every time he gets a friend request, he gets a real time alert. So I doesn't have a fucking atheist podcast. That's all I'm saying.

I wanted him to click on it. And it's just like God taking selfies in yoga pants with like broken English on the page. All right. Instantly gets a message. Hey, no, right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. Exactly why. Yes. And here's the thing though, is like getting a friend request from somebody calling themselves God would be the least weird thing that happened to me. I have like at least a dozen gag God profiles that have sent me friend requests, right? This would be so unexceptional. Anyway, I got an angry follow up email the other day because I didn't respond

to someone's email recommending that we all watch cakefarts. Let me clarify. Someone sent us an email saying, you should watch cakefarts. I did not respond. And then they sent me a second email being like, Hey, man, I fucking took the time to recommend cakefarts for you. And you can't take five minutes to say thank you. Okay, you question, is it a cake farting or does it somebody eating a cake and then what's I had to watch it to find out? You have to watch it to find out. I'm checking it right now.

Okay. All right, so then we get him at the start. And what's it amazes me how desperate this show is to be like of its time, but it gets everything wrong. But so of course now he's at a Starbucks, right? He's at a coffee shop because isn't that where millennials go? Coffee shops. Anyway, so he's talking to the guy, the barista there. And he's like, the barista's like, hey, man,

I listened to your podcast like, no, no, he didn't. No, you did not, you did not, nope. And then the guy goes like, so are you making money off of this? And he goes, yeah, sure, I am. And this was so fucking weird because it, for the first time in my life, it allowed me to think to myself, man, there's at least a fictional character that wishes he was me. That's fucking weird. Again, it's Bizarro Eli. It goes back and forth and back and forth. Yeah, exactly.

You make money doing that? Well, uh, mostly memory foam rectangle, mostly what I make. How's your dick doing, by the way? I cannot pay for this latte and cash. But I do have this offer code for dick pills. I will give it to you. Well, and then that's the other thing too, he's like, yeah, that advertising money is really rolling in. I'm like, you know, because look, we know a lot of podcasters that make their living podcasting. I don't know a single fucking one that does it through advertising. Right? And I'm just saying like, why don't you read one fucking thing about podcasting

before you put it at the center of your goddamn show? One fucking thing, a 16 second read on a blog would tell you that's not where anyway. Yeah. Well, yeah. Here's, here's the amazing part, right? Whoever wrote this show, probably Googled atheist podcast, which means that at some point they hovered a finger over our show and we're like, they seem mean. Yeah, but in case you guys are listening now, that's not how it goes, right? When you meet someone as a podcaster, this is not at all how the interaction goes. Yeah, you know what? I think they need a lesson on how podcasts actually interact with people.

So it's on the radio, kind of, kind of people downloaded from it from iTunes. iTunes.com? No, no, like Apple Music. I have a Samsung phone. No, my grandson. You can just Google it. Google Play, put it on the Google Play. You know what? It's on the radio.

Ooh, I like the radio. Oh, cool. I love cereal. Is, I like the radio. Oh, cool. I love cereal. Is your podcast like cereal? Uh, no, it's a comedy show, actually. Oh, awesome. Awesome. What's it about? It's a movie review show. Oh, cool. What kind of movies?

Sh-pad movies. That, uh, that sounds great. I'll tell you a pretty of my church about it. What's it called? What's the name of the pond? Your church. It is called, how did this get made? And you make money doing this.

Yeah, it's actually, it's okay, it's okay here. This is $5. You just handed me $5. I know, I know you're a good kid. Thank you. Don't spend it on drugs. I'm gonna spend it on drugs. Alright.

That's actually exactly. Oh, I should not have watched cakefarts. Hey, watch it while we were doodly doing. All right. So then we cut to him at his real job because he can't really make a living as an atheist podcast. I mean, can't you imagine that silly? Anyway, he works at a credit card call center. And we get this scene basically so that his buddy

in the next cubicle can say, hi, I'm the friend in this show. Oh, man, and look, he's doing his best to wacky best friend it up with this script, but he's not been given comedy lines. Even though he is the comedy sidekick, so he's like, hey, man, what are you up to? Yeah, joke joke that was the entire content of this character is that he's an Indian stereotype friend That's all that's happening. It was like, hey Indian friend

stereotype lighting around 10 seconds Working IT I'm a hacker. My mom thought selected. I'm the problem with that. What's amazing is obviously this Indian actor was like given this script and was like, okay, they obviously want me to be like this weird, horrible stereotype. I'm not going to do that. So you know the Christian writer walked over to him three times during filming and he was

like, oh man, do you like the Simpsons? I had a thought. What do you think of a poo? What do you think of Harry Condobolo? Pancazaria. You like Pancazaria perfect. Oh, okay. Cool. All right.

So yeah. And what we learned from him is that his mom keeps trying to set him up on dates and he would prefer to use a dating website like the millennials do. I am on the tender fellow children. So well him and Brett Kavanaugh the last two on tinser. And just then, Miles, as the atheist podcaster character, gets an email from Eric with serious ex-zam. He's about to hit the medium time.

He's about to give a presentation, like a slideshow, and we will learn. Yeah, he's going to put together a PowerPoint about his podcast to show to serious to get signed to be on the telegraphs. Maybe radio's not the best bet. No, you know, it's some people that might think that that's antiquated guys. All right. So now we cut, we are desperately inserting characters at the beginning of this. Right. So now we cut to him at a bar, whereas little sister works, celebrating the good news with already empty beers. Well, kind of magically empty. They, she has a full beer. They cheers and it's empty. So

he can drink it empty in the very next car. Yeah. Right. God stole his beer is what happens. The opening line here is congrats on the podcast, Big Bro. And I have an amazing moment of context here because my family was visiting while I was watching this. And my sister was sitting on the couch next to me as I watched this furiously taking

notes. And with no sense of irony at all said, why would she say that? That's one of those unique sentences that they use for passwords for nuclear codes. Yeah. And okay. And so in coming off the heels of congratulations on the podcast, Big Bro is you should go see Pastor Dad and be a Christian now. Well, and that's pretty realistic, right? You know, I have a family that's just like, oh, we think that's so amazing. But like, how is your fast for your own Kapoor?

And I'm like, oh, no, that's all. Did you forget? We just cheers into my beard. It's vanished. It was like a second ago. And we learned that him and his dad don't talk. Right. Right.

Because of the atheism, because usually it's the atheist that burns that bridge, right? The atheist child is usually the one that refuses to speak to the religious parent. Yeah. Wanted to cut away where he's just like, get that Bible out of my house. Yeah. And the sister like ends the scene by going, what's it going to take to bring you together? And I'm at least he didn't say a miracle at that point and not because that would be too cheesy, but because the writers weren't good enough to think about it. If they thought of that cheesy ass line, they'd have used it. I was just going to say intern. Don't write that down intern. I know

you already stopped listening, but don't write that down. Come on, man. All right. So he's walking out of the bar and God sends him another friend request because you know how like when you decline a friend request on Facebook, they allow that person to keep sending it to you every 30 seconds. It's like that. Jesus, they were actually in this universe, Facebook is worse than Facebook. In a bunch of ways. Yeah. I wanted God to start hacking his account just like putting up Christian episodes of the

podcast. Yeah, we get off of close to that. Oh, and we should point out so God's profile is a cloud. And just then he sees in the sky a cloud. A cloud. It's amazing. And the cloud in the sky looks like the cloud on the profile, which is, you know, cloud shapes.

Yeah, but then the cloud slightly moves. So he's still atheist. He was close to everything. Yeah, right. Cat Ker atheist. It was close to the first time. Right. Kat Kerr was fucking with millibars or whatever. It's still easy. Also, that was far too subtle. So now we, you know, get a literal burning bush.

Yep. Yep. If you look back at his phone and God's icon was a woman with a bush on fire, I'm Christian right away. That would have been clever. But no. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he sees the burning bush and he's like, ah, no, that must be a coincidence. But you know what? Just to be on the safe side since most of us atheists are really just hedging our bets. He accepts God's friend requests, right?

Okay. But sorry, quick touch on this burning bush. They explain it because the owner of the store nearby comes out and he's like, you kids, I'm sorry, was a childhood prank lighting his storefront on fire. I want to follow around those fucking kids. They're like the precursors to the goddamn warriors over there. You guys didn't light stuff on fire. We like a lot of shit on fire. Okay. So we accept God's friend request. And then one second later, God suggests a friend for him.

John Dove. John Dove really writers room really. You guys all sat around and someone was like John Dove. Do you say John Dove? You guys all sat around and someone was like, John doob. The. Do you say John doob? Jump. Yep.

Duff. I would like peace. God. I would like to be done writing now. But just then that guy, John dov comes running by him. He's chasing his girlfriend and they're obviously having a fight. She's breaking up with him, right? Yeah. And he he runs into him and recognizes him. And I wrote in my notes,

least realistic part of the show, caring about running into someone in New York City. Or how about guy looking exactly like his profile picture on Facebook? Right? Well, he he just took it during their fight. He was like, I look, I know we are breaking up right now, but this lighting is perfect. Selfie profile picture assigned. Go ahead. I look like I don't get you a little bit. I do. Yeah. There's our assholes. All right. So Miles follows the, so the John Duff runs down into

the subway and Miles follows him. He's like, wait, this is too crazy of a coincidence. This is probably a TV show or something. I would follow him into the subway now, right? So he walks into a crowded subway station in New York and starts yelling at dude's name. Most realistic part of this is that no one pays him any attention at all. Yeah, but it's not realistic that a New Yorker would try to stop someone from killing themselves. I mean, that's just silly. Well, hold on now. If I was in a subway and somebody was about to kill myself, but jump in in front of a train, I would stop them if it was a train going my way. Absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. You you saved that life because you are not going to wait for them to mock him up with a bucket and a mother. No, that's one of those power hoses. Yeah. But that's what happens. He saves John Dove who's about to like dive onto the tracks and Miles grabs him.

And I did like I wanted a bunch of the New Yorkers to start yelling at John Dove. Just be like, fuck you man. Are you serious? There's plenty of ways to die without fucking up our commute. Jesus Christ. Are you crazy? You're in a city full of tall buildings. These are all good suicide buildings here.

Have you seen the GW? Do you know what the GW is for? Buy some bleach. What do you come on? I'm taking you to a bodega and buy some bleach. Any surface in this area right now. Gone right away. That homeless guy will kill you.

Just make eye contact for three seconds. That homeless guy will kill you just make eye contact for three seconds. All right, so but but John Dove is surprised, right? He goes, he, uh, Miles pulsing back. He's like, hey, man, don't jump in front of the train. And he goes, wow, you saved my life. And it's like, yeah, but you're still, you're still suicidal, right? So you didn't really, you delayed his death, right? Nope. He is. So here's the problem. This scene is supposed to be a like, you saved my life. I do want to live, but it's slobbily written because they couldn't hash it out all the way. So it's just like, hey, save my life. Thank you. No, I'm actually good. Thank you. Nope. I'm going to get on the train. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to even it out. Oh, you're like my mr. Glass. This is cool. I got

fronted by Satan. You see, so you get a Facebook request from the devil. Yeah. So, okay. And then this, that's the open by the way, from there, we get the title right, go straight from there to God, fronted me. And I'm like, okay, over under four episodes, what do you guys think? Oh, under. Definitely under four episodes. They couldn't, if they got four episodes, what would they do? They're not going to write four episodes of this show. They failed to write one episode.

They are very clearly entirely out of ideas at the end of this episode. Well, I get to this scene. This is CDS though. This is CDS. This is network television. out of ideas at the end of this episode. Well, I get to this scene. Before the DS. So this is network television. They are running out of stuff. I could see this. I'm going over.

I'm going to go over. You're going to take the over. Yeah. All right. Awesome. Okay. So he, after the title drop, he goes back home and he's going to check out John Dove on Facebook, right? Right.

To see if he can like figure out what's going on with this whole God hoax. Because he thinks that it's a hoax that includes a suicide attempt. Yes, right, right. Exactly. He thinks it's a hoax where they're so committed to the hoax that the guy was going to kill himself if the hoax went wrong. Yeah, yeah, that makes perfect sense. But while he's doing that, he gets another friend request or a friend suggestion from God. God suggests that he friends Kara Bloom. Love interest for this show.

Oh, yes, Kara Bloom. And when he sees her, he just goes, who is Cara Bloom? And I wrote in my notes, Jewish. So, okay. So now we've got to Cara Bloom. And if you thought they didn't know how podcasting works, wait a little, you see their impression of blogging or internet news. Who know? Cause she's, she's all we know is her boss walks in and is like, Cara, you used to be the top trending story every week. But as you can see from this electronic board that I keep here in this front office, you are not. Yes.

I am mad at you. Go viral. Yeah. Right. Yes, I am mad at you Go viral Yeah, right she says I you haven't written an article in six weeks and I'm like well then watch her fucking job It's amazing what is she done for six? Is she received pay? Does she just come to the office and stare at her palms? coming to the office and stare at her palms. Just like the bartender doing the same thing like, I know it's been like a few weeks, but I'm just not feeling it.

I'll get to drinks eventually just barely. Just going to, you know what I'm just going to take these mats up and put them back down again. That is going to put some fuel in the engine. Let me tell you also she like tries to distract her boss. She's like, Hey, you know, Ernest Hemingway took 10 years to write his second novel. Yeah. And the boss is like, did it?

And there's like this long pause where the boss is like thinking it through. Yeah, very, very easily distracted. Just like, I don't know, shoot a laser pen at the wall and leave this time or mine. Boss can be jumping around like an idiot. Get one of those ones for cats where it just goes in a random pattern. She's exactly. Okay, I'm going to take a long lunch. I'll get it. Or not. It doesn't go. She's just like, Pa, Pa, same spot. Still same spot. Like this is a very, very easy to distract person.

So yes, so the boss says, hey, you better do at least the bearish minimalist semblance of your job or you're fired. And we're supposed to be like, oh, that bitch really writing her ass to write any single thing in six weeks to do her job this month. Yeah. All right. So meanwhile, Miles is back at work and he's trying to get his friend, his Indian friend to hack Facebook once and for all, and so that he can answer the question of just who is this God person anyway. Do they think that Facebook issues you a website with varying levels of security and that website has your ISP address? They absolutely think that, which is actually like your social security number.

What is, everything in this conversation is not how it works. It's like walking into a birchers and being like, Hey, I'm here for one of those very big knives you sell. Although he is acting a lot like somebody I know kind of familiar. He's like, Okay, well, I believe there's no God. And therefore everything in life can be explained. And therefore I need you to help me with this hack and thing because I must know the details of every internet troll that I ever interact with. So like, I'm like, all right, Eli, just right now, just look behind you right now. I'm just curious.

Is there any? No. There are two writers taking notes. They said they are not from God friend to me. They're from what was the show? It's friend. It's friend it God me. Okay. Yeah, no, we'll talk to Andrew. We'll talk to it. Like there's still in your life story, but making you, you know, black and likable. It's kind of mean. Yeah. I appreciate it. I don't know about likable. We'll get there.

But yeah, though, that's actually what I had in my notes is he can't let go of somebody fucking with him on the internet this atheist podcaster. Okay, broken clock twice a day. But he realizes that his only real lead is to go stalk Kara Bloom because the ladies love it when you stalk them at their gyms. Yeah, I wrote there's only one solution, stalk a woman. And I wrote, Oh, okay. Now that's an atheist podcast. There we go. Also, by the way, they seem to think that when someone suggests a friend to you, then you can also like know where they are, right? Like you can tell where they've checked in because they've been suggesting.

Cracking chip on your ISP address. I get it unclear how they think it works. Yeah, and Ruckesh, the hacker kid is like understandably confused. He's like, what are you gonna do? Just like run up to a woman who's never met you and be like, Facebook, I saw you on the internet. Facebook does not, does not work very well. I can verify. Put you in a pretty deep hole. put you in a pretty deep hole, puts

you in a pretty deep hole. All right. Well, that's good to, good to know. All right. So he goes to the, baby, I want to ask at this point, what is the fucking genre of this show? Like if you had to gas right now, it's, it's television. Because it's television pictures for grandma to fall asleep too. Yeah, right. Cause I thought it was going to be a comedy, but there literally hasn't even been a possible place to laugh, right? Well, at this point, maybe it's film noir, because the writers also think it's just like

the game by David Fincher. Well, that's true. They do mention that they wrote that in that they're like, oh, this script reality is just I also think it's just like the game by David Fincher. Well, that's true. They're quite certain. They too mentioned that. They wrote that in that they're like, oh, this script, reality is just like the game. It's very interesting. It's very. It's very.

Very much like a well-written movie. I'm like, oh, that's confusing TV show. So what's going to, so like Miles is about to shoot John dove and then dive into a train himself, but it's gonna be a fake and a paper. A shame. A shame. I saw that movie. It's not.

All right. Now you've spoiled the game for everyone. Great. Now I can't read that Neil Strauss book either because I know it's based on it. All right. So now he goes to the gym and he catches Kara Bloom just as she's leaving. I'm not a real God. There is no God. I'm nailing this. You want to get out of here or I will pull your fingernails out at the root of your fingernails. I'm going to get out of here.

I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to get out of here. I'm want to get out of here or I will pull your fingernails out at the roots.

Are you? I lean in. You didn't lean back in. Okay. Yeah. No, this is this is very much a cross between Black Eli and Black Heath. This guy. So and then okay.

So he runs up on a random lady in New York City and says, I know you from the internet. Hello today. You're in the meeting. God is dead. He. Okay. Bye.

It's my name. It's my name. I didn't say it's my name. He's in my name. Wild card. What is your second name? is my name is my name I didn't say is my name he's my name. Oh, wild card. What is your second name? So stupid.

Will you face you say my name? Yeah, just to make this creepier. He ends this with a threat because he thinks she's in on this great suicide hoax that they're pulling him in to or whatever. So she's like, Hey, you let whoever's buying this, no, I'm going to fuck with their credit because I were going to credit guard company and sure we can do that too. Or I could marry you. I'm black. I have lots of ways to fuck up your credit lady. All right. So he goes back home to his $4,500 a week fucking apartment in Manhattan

and he deletes. He deletes the God friend account, right? His apartment. It's literally an order of magnitude too big for. And we're going to learn it's all smart house. So he's got like a $700 nest thermometers thermostats. Fuck you. Abs. He's in Harlem. The thermostat is like a bellows that blows into a cold fire engine in the basement. Go fuck yourself.

The thermostat is yelling down the laundry shoot at the guy who's at that bell. It's being like Harry. Wait. I can't write. And Harry's always pissed. And he says no, like half the time. Yeah. All right. So it's time for him to get to work on his big presentation to Sirius, right? Big up the first PowerPoint. Yeah. Now, the first words in this presentation are, how I'm going to change the world. And I'm like, wait, but it hold on. Delusions to grand your generally the realm of the people who think the creator of the universe watches

them jack off. That's your thing. Right? That's your thing. Not ours. So I should stop tiling all our notes. How I'm going to change the world. So that would be nice actually, Eli, if you would leave. Because after it, I write making fun of the physical appearance of people in movies from. Yeah. That's that's that's I don't know. It's at least I complete the thought. Yeah.

All right. So he finishes his presentation. And then we cut to its 223 AM and his radio kicks in and wakes him up. Yeah, the song is I'm only human after all the rag and bone man song. And I'm always whenever I see a clock in these fucking movies, I'm always like, all right, what's the, what's the Bible verse they're doing? what's the Bible verse they're doing? I've got the colon. Right. So I'm thinking maybe Genesis 2, 23 they were going for and this is now bone of my bones and flesh to my flesh.

That one with the creating the woman out of the, I don't know, I'm only human after all ragging bone man is I think they got really excited about like a super vague. Okay. Let me put this out there. That's a reference. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of a man. Yeah. She is his secret sister.

Oh. Yeah, right, because it is saying that, you know, I'm only human after all, right? That's the clue that maybe this wasn't God. Oh. They're going to leave that as a mystery that that the writers, I shit you not have told interviewers that they planned to reveal who's really behind this God account, but it was, it was going to take them 200 episodes to get there. 200 episodes.

It's so complicated. Okay, guys, when this gets canceled and you're sitting at home and you've got like that good, like three months worth of money before you got to get again and you're listening to this and you're like, fuck it. Assles, God off the movies. Ba, ba, ba, you're listening to this now. Tell me how just tweet me how you were going to end it in 200 episodes. I want to know the 200, what is the 17 seasons of the lost that you have in your mind right

now? Also, we will pay you $300 if you're on another show about this. If you do a follow up with us, we'll give you a memory foam mattress and $300. And hey, guys, don't feel too bad about the fact that we actually are going to make 200 episodes. And okay. So, and all right, he wakes up. The radio is playing his smart thermostat is at a hundred degrees, so God has hacked into all of his shit, right? Yeah.

And now he checks his computer and his presentation has been turned into preachers and stuff. Jesus, man, God is like one of those Sweden level hackers. Like he's got to live on a boat now. It's the most impressive God I've ever seen in fiction or TV. I'm just impressed. Yeah.

Julian Assange is God actually. It's Oh, that's And yeah, that's the reveal. We just ruined there on this 199 episodes. God, a season seven of God friend.

It'd be a chair turns around and is Julian Assange. Oh my God. A season seven of God friended me a chair turns around and is Julian Assault. Oh, hey, man, aren't you a rapist? Yeah. It's right in the book. You didn't see that part? Yeah, right, right.

I paid my 50 shackles. I glide, have, but I send you a franguette quest. I'm a hero. No, no. ques. I'm a hero. No, no. All right. So now, okay. So the next day he goes to where Kara works, right, to the big blog.

Okay. This goddamn building, right? Like, okay, whatever business she's in, they have four floors of the fucking freedom tower reserved for, right? This enormous amount of office space in Manhattan devoted to this blog. Yeah. Is it a single, I had a feeling that it was supposed to be like a buzzfeed or maybe like a, a Cosmo because they were emphasizing on the trending thing, whatever it is, they certainly

don't have four floors of building. They don't have the same offices as Goldman Sachs is what's looking at. She's in like the 50th floor looking out. Yeah, absolutely not. Yeah. A blogger of Wall Street. Yeah. But yeah, so he walks into this blog amazing building and he's just like,

Hey, remember me? The guy you were going to mace before, I've now broken into your office. Yeah. And she's like, how are you even back here? Did nobody like stop and frisk you at the front? What's happening? I want to just like hold up a sign like, you can read this three, two, one side tackle. There he is. There it is. Okay. But they're boss walks in just as she's about to kick her out and she doesn't want to look bad.

So she's got to pretend she's working on a story about him. It's about faith and science and gray suit. Unbindling. Yeah. What's that? That you're stealing from science class door. Yeah. So so in and the boss, of course, is like, that sounds great. Now, if you look, excuse me, there's a red bug on the wall that I've got to go catch. So she wanders off. And oh, no, I'm sorry, she says, okay, she says, all right, but I want a thousand words by tomorrow.

I have more than a thousand words in my goddamn notes at this point. A thousand fucking words. It's been six weeks. You better want a goddamn novel from this bitch. But Kara is terrified by the number of one thousand at this point. She's like, shit. So far I have, there is not an intersection between faith and science the end. How many words was that?

Read that back to me. One thing for five six, I'll do a bunch of eyes in white in the margins. Like right after the headline blank, so Eli's headlines look longer. All right. So and now he's pissed right because he's like, Hey, I didn't say you could write a story about my podcast in your clearly wildly successful blog. I sure wouldn't want you to do that. I'm going to hit the big time with Sirius XM. But she wins him back because she promises to use her journalism

powers. She's like, I'm a serious journalist for, as you can see, BoeingSplosh.com. And you cannot find people without my unique point sploosh stills. So you're going to need me. I know Liam Neeson. And then he has an idea. He says, well, I thought my buddy, Rekesh would help hack the account, but I don't have a vagina. Wait a second. Hold on second hold on. Well, you can use him with a boner and con he'll probably do it. Yes. I will. I will use the shit out of him with a boner. That's what's going to happen on the next scene in the next scene. And it's very clear that that's what happens, right? Yep. We get a sweatpants hacker boner scene. He literally looks down at it. They go to such

his house. He opens the door. He's got a goonies shirt, which is pretty fucking sweet. And the next thing that happens, he sees Cara and he looks down at his awkward sweatpants boner. Yep. Yep. And he even says he's like, I'm wearing sweatpants. They make your boner more visible. Let me change. Yeah. And again, like now it's a buddy cop show. I don't. Yeah. But we have. We got God. I mean, I'm just picturing these writers sitting around with empty containers of Chinese food. Okay. It's the blacklist, but it's the God list. Take out, okay, we're going to scamper it. The black

is the protagonist and the God is just a list. We have a show. Well done. All right. 200 episodes because, because this show is about millennials as seen through the eyes of 71 year olds, we're going to now go to a rakecious mom's basement where he does his hacking with multiple keyboards. Yeah, well, yes, obviously because you have to slap really fast on that keyboard to hack. I don't know if you guys know that you have to slap really hard. So sometimes you slap so hard you have to have a spare keyboard right there.

Yeah, no, it's like playing the organ. You need some of, you know, different harmonies sometimes. Yeah, exactly. So he's, he's hacking and he's like, this code is sublime as he's looking at, I don't know what he's looking at. Like what do they, like, did he click on the hacker tab on God's Facebook page? Yeah. well, no, look, you can tell that this is some serious hacking because it's green font on a black screen, which is where hacking happens. The God account, he says the God account is protected by a firewall. And I was like, you mean Facebook or jobs like one part of Facebook that that button. Oh,

what a burning bush to poke out of the screen just like firewall. The Yeah, see, see, there it is. Yeah. And okay, and this is where he, he suggests that perhaps miles was hacked by Laplace's fucking demon. Right? This is the suicide supercomputer moment.

Yes. He's theory is that the God account is a supercomputer that can tell what people are going to do from their social media activity and it's sending him the friend requests as an experiment. And yes, I would love to be in the meeting with those two computer developers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Davis, how's the supercomputer coming? It's done, sir. All right, finally. Yes, a computer with AI so advanced, it can tell your future actions just from your social media.

Amazing. This is going to change the world. You know, finance, counterterrorism, so many applications. Podcasting. Sorry, what? Yeah, yeah, we were thinking we'd use it to see if this atheist podcaster will save people and then start believing in God. Wait, no, why?

Why would you do that? Because then we'll know with this supercomputer. Okay, just so we're clear, you want to use the world's most advanced supercomputer to mess with an atheist podcaster. Yes, an atheist podcaster. Yeah. I mean, okay, I guess what's a podcaster? It's like the radio.

Like serious? Oh, where's she? In my dreams. Yeah, right. So if that was real, Tom Cruise would be standing behind Eli right now with a fucking ski ball just throwing it up and down. You're under arrest, man. Seriously?

You're gross. Can I just tell you this? I am literally the murder guy and you are weird. I wore this so I wouldn't touch your skin. You guys are writing down your life by the way right here. That's weird. That's where it is. And then they're right before they go. They're like, he's like, okay, I'm going to hack this. He goes, how long will it take you to crack the IP address? And it's like, what? Yeah, no, it's, well, first that sentence is going to have to make sense, but as soon as it does, I'll have it. I'll be right away.

I'll crack the IP address. Take a few hours. You have to write a really good essay. Luckily, I have two keyboards. So I can bang out a lot of words a minute. What? Oh, yeah, don't bother having anyone who's ever heard a computer word before guys. You can wing it. Computers were involved in this process.

Go into the editing room. Grab one of the nerds who looks like he's always squinting. Be like, hey, man, what's a computer word? He'll help you out. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Kara's like, oh, you guys started to do backstory when you were in here earlier. You wanna just pick up where you left off on that backstory about your dad. Yeah, and they do.

His dad is a reverend. Mm-hmm. And the sister thinks that God is using Facebook to bring him and his dad back together, right? Just like the prodigal son. Yeah. Yeah, on Facebook. Yeah.

And he goes, that's insane. And she's like, no, it's the plot of this dumb fucking show. And he's like, right, but it's still insane. Doesn't make it not insane because CBS had that sweet, sweet 645 PM time slot open. Not a good show just because we're in it. We now we have to hate Kara, right? Because they started it. I didn't want to hate Kara, but we have to start hating Kara here because they started it.

So he's like, so what do you think about this whole God thing? Kara says, I don't know. I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual. Fuck you. You're not religious, you're spiritual. Black lives are some of the ones that man. And she gets, she gets this amazing thing where he's like, that doesn't make sense either you believe in a thing or you don't.

She's like, or maybe I believe that there's something greater than ourselves. And it's like, no, that is not one of the options in it. Two options. Yes. Oh, no. I believe there's something greater than ourselves too. The toplaron for example, but you know, a better TV show, for example, you know, toplaron, do you believe in leprechauns? I believe in greater things than ourselves. Yeah, no, not doesn't. Yeah, right. She's like, well, otherwise life seems pointless.

And let's face it, if there's a better metric for determining the truth about reality, than what makes my life seem most significant, I don't even wanna know what it is. Yeah, I wrote, cool. Explain how God gives your life meaning, being what you've already admitted as his non intervention.

Two slow. Two slow. Right. Well, and of course, quick before Miles, the outspoken atheist character can respond in any meaningful way, Rakesh calls him to end this scene. Whoo, he might as well side tackle Miles.

Miles was like, come on this side. I was watching, grandma's watching. Don't answer that. I found God. I found him. I found the IP address. I don't don't say any words. Just okay. And look, this is the first time in the movie that I can even tell that they were going for a joke, right? Because we're cautious. I found God. He's a New Jersey. And I'm like, oh, they meant for that to be funny. It's not. But at least I can tell that they thought they were doing comedy just that. Yes. And as someone who just moved to Jersey, I can assure you, based on meeting everyone who lives here, God is racist. And he passes on the fucking right, like at a. Crazy. What is happening?

I mean, if he's taken a business trip right now, I feel like Pennsylvania, Jersey, New Art Boss. And these are good spots for him. All right. So they're going to they tracked down the goddamn IP address from Facebook and they go to they wind up in an old house in Jersey that's that's for sale and in their it's the middle of the night and he's black. Just want to just want to put all that out there at the beginning of the scene. In real life, the black guy in New Jersey got shot in the face before the cab came to

a full stop. It's like a to Eli's neighbors in riot gear like, hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Too slow. I'm going to tease you again for fun. Now what are you doing? Yeah. So as they're walking up to the house to see if they can figure out what's going on. She goes, she asks them, she's like, so how did you lose your faith in God? And then quick before he can answer, she starts tossing out the things that religious

people would assume are the reasons that atheists are atheists as long as they never asked an atheist or a new one. He got his hands on itchens and Dawkins, you know, like how people get into math. Like he was, he was smoking weed and, and his dealer was like, I'm not even for you. I just got into Hitchens. If you want some, like, let me know if it's good. And he was like, all right, I'll try a little bit of Hitchens. Just put them in your nose, though. Don't get right into it.

Just go slow. Fuck you. I don't need Hitchens and dockets to be atheist. Like, I don't need to watch Matt Dillahunti debate Santa Claus truth there's either. I mean, like, although that would be delightful. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. Especially since he looks like Santa Claus. So there'd be this weird twist in the middle of the debate, whereas opponent would be like, your Santa Claus and Matt would be like, no, in the middle of the debate, whereas opponent would be like, your Santa Claus and Matt would do that.

No, stop. You know, a whole bunch of letters to Matt Dillahunti. No, that's not how I was doing it. You're doing the miracle on 34th Street doing that stupid. It's funny. I better now. All right. Stop trying to sit on my lap.

Don't touch my ears. So now Eli is saying all the lines that he's heard Matt Delauntie say a number of times. All right, so now they're they're sneaking around the house in the middle of the night and they notice that there's a light on upstairs. So the black man in New Jersey in the wealthy neighborhood, look, I'm not racist. I'm just saying it's fucking New Jersey. Starts pounding on the door and saying, open up, you're messing with the wrong guy. Yeah. Podcasts are arrest. Come out here and do an angry crossover episode with me.

We'll release the whole thing to patrons and I'll all edit my version down and make me look good. And you'll edit your version down and make me look good. Come on. There's a way these things are done. Yeah, but so luckily for him though, Cara knows how to pick a pin tumbler lock with a single item. But apparently she wrote an article about breaking into your own house that went viral in like five minutes. Yes. Fuck you. Are you serious? You can't do it. Here's my article about how to give myself the Ebola sniffles just a little bit. She's idiot.

No, we figured it out. Her blog is the Jolly Roger guy. Yes. So Henry Lewis gates reddit though. And then he got it. Doesn't work for everybody. Yes, so all right. Need a warning just for white girls.

There you go. Ha, ha, ha. All right, so she breaks into the house and she's like, hey, you've got a plan, Don't you? And he's like, you're the one that broke into the fucking house. But he's like, no, I got a plan. I do, I do. Hey, I yell now.

I yell, I'm yelling, I yell at you. That's his plan. That's the plan. Yeah, I so wonder there'd be a couple of meth heads up stair that's that rape them to death. It's like, oh, right. Sorry. This is Jersey, I forgot.

Yeah, that's on me. That's on me. Sure see. Okay, so they step into, you know, there's this big light on upstairs, so they step into the room and it turns out that that light is a light. That's not. That's the reveal, right? They walk in, they're like, wow and it turns out that that light is a light that's not, that's the reveal, right?

They walk in. They're like, wow, it's not heaven. Well, fucking corset isn't heaven. It's a goddamn light bulb. Got it, mate. This would be an interesting twist if they find a house in New Jersey with a portal to heaven and they like give God a talking to about pranking them on social media. But then they're like, oh man, is that sound like mesothelioma to you? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's very much.

We must feel new Jersey. So, and then we have to cut away from that. We have to go over to Rakesh, right? Because he's on a date that his mom sent him up on. And he is on a date with a star-delinly beautiful woman like the show does eventually acknowledge how beautiful she is but at first they're going for like a this is so awkward thing and if you got set up on a on a blind date with a

woman this beautiful you would not be like a. Am I right? It's real. Oh, man, I don't want to be here. 33% of us would probably end up doing. God is dead. He was racer. You know, why do I keep asking that? I literally wrote on my hand. Don't ask about race. It's right here. Look, look, well, it's sweated off now, but you can see that I would have written it. Do you have a pen? I'd like to write it down again. Also, what race are you? Damn it. I'm white. You go next. You go. Yeah. So he's just going like, yeah, boy, sure sucks that you and I have to go out on a date. Anyway, I'm going to take a text message from my body on our date. And she's like, I want to have sex with you. Can we have sex now? I want to be in the next episode.

What? Raise your you. I want her to be in every episode. She is the highlight of this show to me. Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, it wasn't the fucking writing. All right. So yeah, she's like, Hey, let's have sex and he's like, yeah, that's a great idea. And she's like, but you and I both live with our parents and he's like, Oh, it's okay. My podcaster buddies really killing it. Yes, we can go to my podcaster friend six bedroom smart apartment. my podcast or friend six bedroom smart apartment. Okay. Okay. All right. So with that very important scene taken care of, we go back to the house in Jersey where

Miles and Kara are and he goes, I shit you not again, they're trying their damned as to be 2018, but through the eyes of a 60 year old woman, he says, I called a lift. I sent a telegram to Uber. They should have a car for us in the near future. Jesus fuck you. I've got mail. Hold on a second. So that's probably Carmel car service.

I fixed someone and so he's like, okay, they're waiting for the lift to show up and Cara sits down on the bench on the portion. She's like, oh my God, I had this exact same bench when I was a kid. It's like, it's, yes, it's just the generic bench that you get at came art. It's the cheapest. I would just, I would sit on it and I would wait for a plot device. Who's that?

And this is Tyler, finale. I'd sit there waiting for the metta plot of this show to come out. Every day. Right. But before we can dive any deeper into that, we, uh, Rakesh calls him, right? And Rakesh is like, Hey, man, God hacked your computer again. And he's like, why are you in my apartment? He's like, I'm having sex with an extraordinarily attractive woman.

And I stopped doing that so that I could tell you that your computer has been hacked. Yes, and they used a smurf attack on his computer. So someone Googled it. So God created a bunch of you new usernames on his computer, like a half a million of them. And that opened his computer. Right. Yes, right. That's a type of DDoS attack.

What the fuck? I mean, like just make some shit up, right? Like at this point, just make some shit up. You're not doing better by using real terms. His computer might as well be physically open with like guts spilling out of it. It's like bleeding. It's like photograph spilling out of it. Emails printed out. Yeah, he's like, man, they hacked into your computer. It's a toaster now.

It's really confusing. Jesus, what does this writer know about? Couldn't they have done a show about that? All right. So instead of like doing the normal thing that a laptop would do, which is be closed at this moment, there's a endless picture scroll, right? Coming up. And the last picture in the shot is a picture of miles with his, his family when he was a kid. And in the back of that, they're at a hospital

and in the back, there's a doctor and a nurse who is very clearly the actress that plays Kara in a wig. It's so it honestly, it might as well just be the actress who plays Kara with a fake mustache on. She might as well run over to the screen and pose in front of it. And then run back to do her lines. Yeah. So just then she's like, Oh, I have to leave suddenly. And everybody's like, does it have anything to do with this picture that's very clearly you? And she's like, no, we somehow nobody had noticed this.

That's great. I think innocuously I announced innocuous. No, you're you're in the picture. And I've seen. And, and oh, by the way, and he goes, hey, what's that? A picture of he's like, oh, it's my cancer mom. I'm an atheist. And you hear about the podcast, obviously, I have a dead cancer mom, clearly. Duh.

And because she even says at this point, he's like, do you think maybe she knows someone who's in this picture? And she's like, gee, I wonder which person in that picture maybe she know. Do you think it's you? Does she know you? I'm I in the picture? You have to tell me.

All right. All right. So then he's like, I don't remember the name of that doctor or the nurse, but there's one person who, uh, it's Daniel from Eureka. It's Miles Benedict Dyson from Terminator 2. You were on Eureka. Has it been that bad a six years? Very clearly, yes.

So he goes to the church and dad is preaching, but the church is completely empty. Now we'll find out that this is a practice sermon, but at first I thought this was a hilarious and great idea of what a church would look like in New York City. Yeah, it's just like, well, the two old ladies are sick today. And it's not the day where we weirdly open up the doors in an admission that we are just like a weird place to walk around a medieval remnant of when peasants looked skyward and stained glass was the peak of technology. So, yep, it's just me mean. Yeah, just God, just seeing that building made me mad. Like, right, how much fucking money gets wasted on housing a, a football

ruiner speech once a week. And that's it. Yeah. Ruins football for some people, especially on the West Coast, but a little bit on the East Coast too, once like every person in Harlem could pool their money and not afford this building. It's so offensive. Right. All right. So then Miles comes in right in the middle of dad's practice sermon, right? And they haven't seen each other in years as we've established several times. And he's like, Hey, dad, do you remember mom's doctor and nurses name?

He's like, yes, I remember their first and last names perfectly. And I will tell you them now, even though we're a strait and haven't talked in years. And he's like, cool. I'm going to go and he's like, oh, sorry. Let me stop you. Do you want to have a weird fight about your atheism to prove why we don't talk anymore? I'm going to have a weird fight about my atheism.

Jesus, the dad even says at this point, he's like, what am I supposed to feel about you being an atheist? And I'm like, just tossing this one out, but maybe not ashamed first starters, but no, no, that's not an option. No. And he explains that he hasn't helped anybody. Oh, okay. So the dad says to him, at this point, he goes, maybe one person you've helped with your

atheist podcast. And I just started writing it. Do I get to go next? I want to go next. Let me go next. Let me send you guys some fucking emails. I would like to go next.

Also, here's a list of all zero people. I helped get away with fucking a child. Zero. And you know what else I have? I have a zero person list of people who I make my living lying to. Or old ladies that we take 10% of their income of, you know. Yeah, we got a whole bunch of this.

Well, and then how about all the fucking, how about all the trans people that I helped to find, to feel like they had a community and a family once their family on your suggestion rejected them, right? How about all of the fucking children that I that I fucking all the kids Appearance like you that I've helped to find a fucking community or a place to go all the fucking gay people that have Written to us to say that we help to talk them back from the edges suicide by reminding them that some people still fucking care about Them I could give you a goddamn list. I got so fucking pissed at this point in the movie.

I shit you not. I had to go to a fucking sporting goods store and buy a goddamn punching bag. And see if I could cap to America that shit. And then I got pissed again because I couldn't cap to America that shit. Jesus, he goes, you know, the thing about you is that you're angry and I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm fucking, we're fucking angry, bro. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

And that's when they accidentally bring up the problem of evil. Obviously. Yes. Yeah. Miles is like, uh, you're stupid. God killed mom if you believe in God. How complicated is this? And dad's like, God killed mom. I knew you throw

that in my face. Yeah, I do throw that in your face. I'm doing it again. Obviously, you didn't think that was hard for me because it was. I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. Right. He literally he immediately goes, I don't want to talk about it. And Miles is like, okay, so I'm going to go, which was my plan and then he stopped me and picked a fight. Remember, way back three minutes ago when I said, thank you. And left. Yeah, talk about this. Yeah, right. You want to talk about the problem of New Jersey in this Christian show? Yeah, let's keep bringing that up too. Cool. We're good at this. All right. So I hurt myself just now. There's a vein that needs, my forehead that needs to be band-aided.

So I'm going to need a break. But first, let me give actually the hard sell here. Is Miles angry at God? Isn't it enough that religion gives people's lives, meaning then why are there still monkeys? Find out the answers to no questions at all. when we return for the hilariously stupid conclusion of God Friended me episode one Why do you think care what other people believes? You know when watching God friend at me with its in-actored Podcasting references and his tired stereotypes of Atheist one thing

became apparent. These guys could use some help. So until episode three when this shows cancel, we thought we'd pitch a more realistic take on God-friended me. This September 30th, you know, when all the good news shows from here comes a show about an atheist podcaster. Hey, did we already call Pat Robertson a deflated droopy dog yet? Oh yeah, that was like episode 120. Ah, fuck. Who thought he knew everything? Guys, Patreon shifted everything into French last night.

Why? Why do you know the explanations in French? Just take the money from people and give it to us. How is this hard? Jesus! But when he gets a friend request from God. Hey, did you guys get this friend request from God? No, I got 40 messages with an article and nothing else. Yeah, me neither. Someone just sent me a meme about ramen noodles for the 700th time though. So that's fun. He'll, he'll ignore it. My defining personality quality right there. Ramen thing. Sorry about that. What were we saying? That for the next six weeks, we're recording at

11.45 pm and 3am to get ready for the one vacation that know it takes a year right yeah, I can do I can do 3am Guys I'm taking a weekend this year You're taking a Saturday right no, but I'm but I'm driving on on Friday That's a day off. It's like a weekend. You can listen to You can edit while you drive can listen to you can add it. Well, you drive. And we're back for more of this shit. And my knuckles hurt when we last left our hero.

He was leaving a scene quick before an atheist gets to answer any question posed to him. And we're going to rejoin him. Chillin with Rakesh and his mom's basement, you know, where millennials live. And Requesh wants to know if he's mad at him for fucking his apartment. And it's like, why would he be mad? Was he hoping his apartment was a virgin? Was he like a menstrual blood office penis onto his pillow? Because even then, like, oxyclean man, you know, kick your asses or leave it, whatever.

That's a lot of different ways you can go on that. He gets it cake farts. Yeah. So it's growing on me. I've had it on this whole time on loop. It's growing on me. Yeah. So Rickash is like, Hey man, if you think about it, if I didn't fuck at girl in your apartment,

how would we have cleaved those two scenes to scenes together that didn't belong together in any way? Anyway, we're now about to reveal that the nurse in the picture was Cara's mom because fucking obviously she was Cara's mom. And you can see the actors be like, uh-huh, and they're like, oh no, that's the revelation of the scene. Oh, whoa. Carous mom the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. And we learn that carous mom is from Cleveland. And they, this is uncanny.

They're just stealing all of Eli's life. It's not fair. It's not nice. They just take it back. Made him better looking and less incontinent. All right. Karah's mom is scramble. All right.

So now we cut to Caribbean sad on a roof. That's where New Yorkers go to be sad is roofs crying on a roof with a bottle of wine. So now you know she's Jewish. Is that a Jewish thing to do? Drink. Yeah. Cry on a roof. I mean, I know from us on a scale from one to Irish, we got nothing on you. She's not even trying to jump. Your joke doesn't make any sense. But yeah, Kara's sorry. And she's trying to make excuses. She's like, hey, sorry about running away from the plot point. I had diarrhea. I, I, I shat my pants. And he's like,

I know that it was your mom. And she's like, no, shat my pants. Yeah, this is such a weird announcement to make to her. The way he does it to he just shows up on a roof and he's like, your mom abandoned you, but she lives in New York now. I know this. I had my hacker friend do a bunch more super illegal stalker stuff to you. Also BT Dubbs, you got a UTI right now. I picked up your medicine. It's so invasive. Right. And he's like, yeah, I've just figured it out. God, the Facebook account wants me to help you find your mom and reunite. She's like, actually, we don't have time left in this episode for that.

So I know where she is. I just need you to help me find it in myself to go talk to her. Right? Yep. So we learned that mom was a drunken drunk that left her because of the drunkenness, which she was a kid. Right? And she saw her on the subway one day, but she couldn't get up the guts to talk to her because this character is based on Heath. So, but luckily mom can she knows exactly what park mom sits in and smiles on a daily basis. Right? Yep.

And then in order for him to like, I don't know, like earn her trust, he decides to tell her why he is an atheist. Yes. And actually, if you just point out how the fucking first mover argument failed here, I would have almost forgiven this show, right? It was just like, you want to know why I'm an atheist?

Cause there's no God. Sorry. Your mom left that thing. You said no. No, it's because of cancer mom. And at this point, I wrote in my notes in all caps Jesus people at least have an atheist mom die of something other than cancer for once and they heard me Yep, cuz his mom got cancer. He prayed for her to get better

She did and then on the way home from the hospital She got in a car accident and died. Oh, cancer cure day. It was like, you're cured my. Oh, they were rolling her out of the doors. They were like, yeah, we got to put you in the wheelchair. Sorry, I lost my drill. they were like, yeah, we gotta put you in the wheelchair. Sorry, I lost my drill. Oh, no. Oh, she gets up to heaven and God's like, come on, that's pretty ironic. I gave you

cancer, you fight it for two years, you beat it. And then I hit you with a car. I am the worst. Anyway, you don't in there and try that blowjob fountain. I mean, like, like that was honestly funny. Like, I'm way less atheist if the problem of evil gets switched to the problem of evil, but like also pretty funny. Like that. That's a good. All right. I probably wasn't.

I don't think they were shooting for humor. This is the only time the show actually gets humor and I don't think that's what they were going for. Oh, the answer cure day, I've learned that for so long. That was the best. I wanna hear the first draft of this really badly. You wanna know why I don't believe in God? When I was a kid, my mom got cancer. Oh, wow.

So sorry to hear that. But then she got better. Oh, OK. Well, that's good. Better enough to get hit by a car on her way home. Wow. That's incredibly fortunate. I'm sorry.

It was an accident. An accident which she stepped away from unscathed. Okay, so you're saying, you're right onto the train tracks. That's a bad set. It's a set. Full of life saving medicine. Okay, good again.

Is it good again now? That medicine was irresistible to a bear that happened to be walking by. Okay, you're messing with me now. Yes, I am an atheist because God isn't real. Fuck you. But he's not though. It's okay.

I'm using that. Now that's my thing. That's my, we're all doing it. That's our answer. But anyways, my, we're all doing it. That's our answer. But anyways, we tell us are all about that. He's like, at least your mom's not dead. We should go find her in the next scene because really we're button up against the, the

hour. They're not going to let us go over this. HBO 43 minutes. Come on. So, okay. So they go to find carous mom and Miles is going to be her moral support for this, right? He says, I'm here for you, unless I get hungry.

And I wrote the Heathen write stories. He also says, I'm going to go get a churro across the street, probably, which is so fucking stupid. First of all, they're at stivocent park on 15th and second. This nurse does not live anywhere fucking near stivocent park on 15th and second. Absolutely not. Also you don't get a churro across the street there. That's so fucking dumb.

You go to like Bauhaus on 14th to get the Taiwanese steamed buns. You go to smack on 12th and 1 first to get mac and cheese. You don't get a churro. That's dumb. I thought they were supposed to be a St Vincent's part, but yeah, same thing, same thing. They're absolutely stifes and parts. Well, no, no, they're supposed to be at St Vincent's. They just couldn't get the license to shoot there, but yes, that's right. See, and I said you can tell this isn't realistically shot in New York because there isn't a homeless man shooting heroin into his penis.

So, all right. So yeah, but but mom's there. She's sitting in a park smiling stupidly like you do. And so Cara goes and sits down and they have this incredibly long, slowly recognizing her moment. Yeah. incredibly long, slowly recognizing her moment. Yeah, mom is so slow about recognizing her daughter, who again, is identical looking. And it's like nice day.

Yeah, nice day. Look at my face, nice face. It is a nice face. Thank you. You look like me, but old. Okay, still nothing. Raise your hand if you've never abandoned a daughter. Is it just you or is it just me who has their hand up? I can't tell. Yeah, it will also like, okay, but if she didn't recognize her, why the fuck wouldn't she have gotten up when this weird person started talking to her?

This is New York, right? Yeah, any, a realistically shot version of this scene is she comes over and says, nice day and the woman goes, I'm sorry, I don't have anything, I don't have anything. Walk away and sign her in money. Nice day, get up, leave. That's what I'm doing. If somebody says nice day to me in the park.

But yeah, but slowly mom recognizes her and she's like, I tried to come home to be with you. Please let me explain. And then the daughter, Kara's like, no, and she's like, okay, then why the fuck are you here then? Right? Like why else would you be? Why would this be a scene if I don't get to tell you why I left you? That's your own. Yeah. And the reason that she left her is that it was too hard to come back. I literally just wrote in my notes. Why didn't you come home? There's a roundabout. And it's one of those you got to past the first so you're you're taking a right but you're turning left and I

I better Fuck this place But then Her new daughter shows up her daughter the new daughter might as well run over and be like hey mom everything okay. I was just over here reading that I love you and I'll never leave you card that you wrote me.

This is a bad time. Carousel weird and awkwardly pissed. Just like, is there dick bigger than mine? Is there dick bigger? Right. So yes, so Cara freaks out and she starts running away and she gets hit by a car. Yes. Fuck this show for making me laugh at two different people getting hit by a car. Yes. Fuck this show for making me laugh at two different

people getting hit by a car this close together. He is this episode is hitting all of our boxes. And by the way, she gets hit by the car and he honks the guy's the most New York thing that's ever happened. Just like, boom. Ha, ha, ha, you're in the road. Get out of the way. Walking off, walking off of the sidewalk. I'm driving. So, yeah, so Miles runs up and he goes, oh, no, she's not breathing, but luckily from the cab right behind the car that hit her out pops John Dove from the beginning of the movie

or the show. And he's a doctor. He knows what to do. I wanted him to be like, I'm a doctor of psychology. How does being hit by a car make you feel? Right. Now, he, I wrote in my notes, he performed CPR, but apparently, like I said, they were really brushing up against that 43 minute limit. So he actually just pounds on her chest twice with his fist and he's like, and I honestly

think the actress wouldn't let that guy put his mouth on hers or something, right? Cause he doesn't do CPR. So many edited out takes where she was just like, no, all right, fine. Also, we learn she has a broken, two broken ribs in a punctured lung. So you know what wouldn't help pounding on her chest. Yeah. He fixes that like she's like, he's funzy and she's like the fucking jukebox. Yeah, so then we head to the hospital.

Miles and John Dove are walking together in the hospital, right? So he can thank him for saving his life from himself. And Miles still has the conspiracy theory going. He's like, Hey, guys, we're saving my friends life. Weird question. Did anyone put you up to this? Like, like, as a fun prank where you pretend to kill yourself and then you hire two cars, one of which pretend not to know the other one you ride around behind and you hit my friend with the first car and then you come out and save her life to like get me. Do you also involving a super, super advanced cyber criminal with a super computer that predicts everything that ever happens?

Are you? You have to tell me if you're just going to be going. Is this the part of the game? Am I still in the game? Take out your tick. Is this this America? You have to tell me if this is America. You have to tell me.

Yeah, so he's like, yeah. So John does, I was like, yeah, well, you know, I'm not a hospital, or I'm not a doctor anymore, because when I was suicidal, I thought it would be a bad idea to be a doctor. And I'm like, no, you're right, though, that is. He says, I took a leave. And it's like, okay, you're still a doctor. No, yeah, you're just a doctor on leave, as always. It's like a teacher in the summer.

I've been unemployed. Right. And this is also where you asked the explain. He's like, yeah, you know how it didn't make sense in that scene? Because I could have just gone up to the next subway station and killed myself on the next train. Well, it just so happens that when you saved me, I had an epiphany

and realized I didn't want to die, which would have been super awkward because like I wouldn't have even been dead by the time I had that realization otherwise. So thanks for that. Yeah. So just to be clear, you saved my life, but now after 30 minutes of sitcom, now I saved the daughter of the nurse who rolled your mom out to the curb to her immediate death. God is good all the time. You have to kill my mom and we're all even. Yeah, right. Okay. So now he goes to visit Kara who is looking pretty good for just having been dead earlier that day. Oh, is there not only does she not have bruises, she has full makeup on. Yes.

I'm just picturing Dr. Dove being like, clear, clear. And just we're really going to blend her because she is a winter. And you do not want her. Yeah. And she's like, she wakes up and she's like, wow, this is amazing. You saved John Dove and he saved me. If you think about it, it's like a really shitty TV script for a short live show on a network whose demographic has phones with oversized buttons, huh?

Who's one of their executives just got exposed as a rapist? Cool. Well, we're talking about grand design. Yeah, the executive rapist thing, maybe we lose that part and we lose the part where my mom got murdered by God. I feel like that didn't really fit in. It's not necessary, right? Right?

Or even the part where I got hit by a car, right? It's also. You're delirious from the medicine. That's you. You're in that. That's what I've been. And then she goes, Hey, have you heard anything back from serious about your podcast? He's like, well, you know, I turns out I didn't turn it in because you could actually make a significantly larger amount of money on

Patreon that you can by signing away your rights to your shit, the serious XM, which no one fucking listens to. So they can play it at 4.30 in the morning. It's a live call and show your rights with a co-host. They assigned you. Yeah. This is binky. He has a sound machine and he's in charge of your show now.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. All right, and then just then someone shows up to see Kara. It's her mom. Miles called her mom because Miles had her mom's phone numbers somehow, probably from the hacker. I wanted her to crawl out of the hospital bed and like fall down an open elevator shed. This keeps fucking happening. Yeah.

And oh, and mom explains at this point, she's like, oh, by the way, I did come back when you were a kid. I just didn't let you know about it. So if you think about it, it's even cooler than you thought. If you think about it, you left me. Right. It's the craziest explanation. Just like I continued to abandon you because if I stopped abandoning you and then stopped stopping

abandoning you twice at that point and that was unacceptable to me as a mother. So you know how like if you break up with someone you should never get back together. It's like that with dogs. So I just didn't want you to be sad. I think you're like what if you came back and didn't abandon you to be sad. I think you're like, what if you came back? It didn't abandon me again. It's just like, fuck, fuck, I did not occur to be in the band in you. So stupid. Now I guess that also would have been an option.

I feel like, honestly, I feel like an atheist podcaster right now. Like I have just done nothing with my life. Right, but mom wants to be part of her life now. So everything is all good. So and then we of course, we have to cut back to him podcasting, which is where you turn diagonal from your microphone and say random words. So he's like, I'm the worst atheist podcaster that there is. And that's saying a lot.

No, it would not. He's been interviewed on a few of those issues. There would be a video. Episode two, not religious anymore, but I'm spiritual, I would say, spiritual. They're still evil genius with control over all my devices. But yeah, I feel like at that point you become religious if you're moving the fucking bar there. Yeah, uh-huh. That's episode two Right. Well, and then red Right, and now oh also we find out that Cara wrote a story about

Finding her mom and it's this top story at the blog again. So she's killing it and Requestion the girl are gonna go on a date, which is literally the only two characters I cared about in the show. I was like, yay! But really, like the only reason we cared about Requesh is we felt sorry for the actor for being stereotyped though, right? I mean, she was also very pretty and I thought acted well. Well, no, no, I liked her, but Requesh was not like the character, that character who

gives a fuck. I don't know. I feel like, I feel like if I were Indian, that's the part that I would have gone in for. If you're the actor that played Rakesh, I get you to like, I'll see you at some auditions. And I'll be like, oh my gosh, wacky best friend. I'm afraid. So I won't. All right. And then we cut back to dad's church. Now we didn't mention this at the time, but dad had a special service at church this Sunday because it was the 25th anniversary of him being at this church and he wanted miles to come, but miles wasn't going to come. But now miles comes.

See? It's all things working out great for everybody. All right, and then we're gonna do the quick wrap up. It's gonna be with with Kara and Miles walking together through yet another one of New York's lovely parks that you really never walk through because it would never make sense. There's a homeless guy because none of you live in Manhattan, bullshit. Well, that too. Yeah, exactly.

The blogger, the podcaster tone Well, that too. Yeah, exactly the blogger of the podcaster tone actually live in that. Yeah, right. How did you shoot the show in New York and get New York wrong? Like you had to clear what New York looks like out of these parks to shoot New York. Get that hot dog stand out of the way and all those bicycles murdering people. We're just going gonna have a nice walk by this peaceful lake and a swan. Yeah, right. And then, okay, and then I love this exchange.

He goes, I read your blog and she's like, I listened to your podcast and it's like, okay, you guys are both lying, but it's nice of you to lie to each other like that. I really wanted to see the realistic version of that. Like, oh, really, what part of the podcast did you like? Oh, she hooves, you guys are characters. It's hard to tell your voices apart. Really? It's hard to tell our voices apart. Yeah, I just, I can hear, I know, Noah, but the, yeah.

How do we look compared to our voices? Yeah, right, right. And of course, Eric from Sirius heard his podcast. They heard the new episode where he's not an atheist anymore. And they sure do like the idea of having an atheist podcast by a guy who's religious. Yeah, I mean, I'm serious with Dennis Prager. Cool. Yeah. I mean, okay, so but, but what is his podcast about now?

It's what I'm not really sure show. This show is about hunting down a guy who bothered him on Facebook. Yeah, because Eli could do one of those. I mean, yeah, like cereal about the diabolical cyber criminal that's still in his life that we're not addressing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. And then she's like, Hey, you know, maybe I could continue to be the love interest going forward. I was on the flash. And it's on it was on the CW, but it was the best show on the CW. It was good. It was good. Okay. We lost the thread a little bit into it. Because we made the villain, the time traveler that killed his mom and that time travel

plotline. It just never works. You can't. Yeah. It breaks this. And then, okay. And the next episode, Michael. And okay, but here's the thing, or like at the end of, at the end of this, I was just like,

wow, that was really bad, but it's been so fucking long since I've watched network TV that you could just tell me it's all like that. And I couldn't argue. Is it all like that? A lot of it on CBS is like that. I mean, I don't watch a lot of TV. We all watch the same things. We all just watch Christian movies and then go write our podcasts in the brief moments that we're

not eating. So that's I couldn't tell you either. So you're trying to include me on the, when we're not eating thing, because that's true. That doesn't make sense. We're not. Yeah, it's true. Fair for me. Okay. Yeah. So that's great. That's it. That's all we got. So if you ever thought to yourself, oh, I could never write a TV show. You were wrong. Believe in yourself. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, that's gonna do it for our review of God friend of me, but that's not gonna do it for the episode Just yet because we still need a pump our serious XM presentation up here. So Eli tell us once on deck the devils Advocate who ah oh wait wait no where you the Alpach, wait, no, we're getting the Al Pacino

devil's advocate. We can't wait. The Al Pacino and the devil's advocate. And they can surely stay in. We get naked, surely, they're in. Yeah. Yeah, all right. So with nakedness to look forward to,

we're gonna bring episode 163 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to catch yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful because we're not going to make it to serious XM y'all and you can also get early access to it at every version of our episode. You know, it also helps out a ton by leaving five star review on iTunes. And by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms and if you enjoyed this show,

be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a the excitation needed in the skeptic ride available in iTunes, sit during wherever else podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, you can give it all to us at www.movcdml.com. Legal Services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P.A. Dr. Taurus. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotting with Little Drafts on Mars. All other musicals were written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clarkson. Was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heathen, Wright, Neil Ibosik. I'm Noelusius, promised No Work Hard to Earn No The Chuck Next We Can Tell Then.

We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. hard to earn another chunk next week until then! We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. There was a messy fight the next day when God saw that Miles' relationship status was, it's complicated. Noah learned what it was like for his dad to watch cop shows. Brandon and Eli wrestled with their shirts off. I'll let you win, Brandon. I will not let you win.

Choose me, huh? I do a Melania. I'll do a Melania. I'm wrestling Eli right now. Oh, we're in. And you don't know how much they meet. True love. I just don't want to actually get the guys who wrote this on the scabbing atheists so that atheist so that I just so that I can say I'm so glad you guys agreed to do this before your show was canceled. I knew I know we have a very small window to work with.

I think the windows this week. Did you get the text? You got quiet. We got the text while I was talking just now didn't you? I heard your phone beep. You want to get it? Yes. Not good. No.

Because that's not how that works. And I'll have you use the Facebook Jesus Christ. Okay. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2018. All rights reserved.