God Awful Movies - 166: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Moon

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

This week, the gang teams up live from QED in Manchester, England for a skeptical review of "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Moon", the story of how to get punched by an astronaut if that's what you're into. --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our latest ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

No, what? Keith, I just realized we can't do a moon landing episode while we're in England. Eli, what? No, we go on in five minutes. This is absolutely the wrong time to realize that. I know, I know, but it occurs to me that we might be spoiling the surprise back in America. Eli, wait, what? They're behind us because of the time zones? The big time. Are you serious right now? Very serious. And I'm not even sure if they've made it to the moon landing yet. You, what?

You think it's the 60s back in America right now? Yeah, because England is ahead of us. But by decades. Okay, well, their healthcare system, we want to do it. But don't encourage him. Heath, Eli, sorry. Do you think time zones make you actually go to the future? I mean, I feel like that question was dripping with way more

in credulity than was necessary. Okay. So do you think that we're going to get home and and it'll be the past? No, no, that's stupid because we have to go back through the time zones. What if we flew the long way around, Eli? Lois Lane would come back to life. And their education system would be the same. No, I think that would be better. No, that one, that's good, that's a good one. Keep explaining how you think time works.

There are slaves. And he runs over to the group of us and goes, Guys, do flashlights work in space? They go at the speed of light in there. And I was like, everybody knows that. You mean light? I thought the photons You thought what? Photons The photons were in on it?

Different photos Did you make this movie? Nope Not awful Movie Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. this is, of course, the show where each week we sample another selection from nut job cinema because our country doesn't have free healthcare and Eli is not healthy. We need to make that money. I'm your host, Noah Lutson.

Since sitting in my immediate left, please welcome my good friend, Heath, and right. And sitting just far enough away that I can't grab his microphone evisually is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli as much as a giant pile of tin foil on your head improves the sound quality. I was thinking maybe you could lose the..., Noah, but I need to explain it. What do you got there? It's an authentic NASA space helmet. Or so this movie would have you. You remember that remake of Raiders of the Lost Ark that those kids made for like

25 years? Turns out they also fake the moon landing spoiler alert. All right. Great reference. So okay, so a quick correction here for the live audience on your programs. You may have been misled into believing that we were going to review Matt Powell's film science falsely so called. We are not apologies for that.

I blame Andy Wilson. Um, but I also blame Matt Powell. Yes, yes, for not having this fucking movie out on time. Some of us have schedules to go by. It damn slacker, but we still got something good and woody for you. So without further ado, tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched a funny thing happened on the way to the moon. That's the actual fucking title.

That's the title of this movie. It's the story of how to get punched in the face by an astronaut. Yeah. Yeah. Like, seriously, the guy who made this movie tried to make a sequel. It starts with him harassing like an 80 year old bud Aldrin until the 80 year old man winds up and punches him right in the face. Greatest thing ever. So hard.

It's the, if you haven't seen this, watch this video. It's amazing. I fall asleep to it every night. It's a clean saver. It's the best. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you believe the US government pulled off a massive billion dollar stage play of going to the moon, but forgot to not release the outtakes, you will love this movie.

It's like believing that 9-11 was orchestrated by the little rascals. Two kids in an overcoat dressed up like Tower Seven. Steve novella shoots one in the face. Like he did last night and I have evidence. Gosh. So how are the libel laws here now? Are they still, uh, all right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be in the worst at? Yes, I would. Uh, best worst understanding of what slow motion video means. Oh my God. This movie thinks

that if something is moving slow enough, the physics of the slow mo universe in that video take over and you become magical. Yes. We will get to there in more detail. It's amazing. All right. And so I'm going to build on what Eli was saying earlier. I'm going to go with best worse never before scene footage. All right. So this, this movie sells itself is having this never before seen footage that'll prove the moon landing is a hoax. And it's like when you watch a movie and they say there's like 15 new minutes that weren't released in theaters and then you watch those 15 minutes and like why can't you see I cut them down before you put it in the fucking theater. It's worse than all of them.

I'm going to go with best worst montage of a thing too stupid to say even in a moon landing was fake documentary. We'll get this movie at one point. They had the woman record the voice over for the point they were making. She was like, no, I'm not going to say that. Look all cold buzz Aldrin, the world's fastest kung fu fighter, but I just can't. All right. Well, we've got a lot to get to and only a little time. So we're going to take a quick break and when we come back, we'll launch into all the nonsense that is.

A funny thing happened on the way to the moon. Woo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Hi, I have no illusions.

You know what's not smart. Believing you found out takes from where NASA faked the moon landing. You know what else is not smart? Ignoring the evidence brought forward by heroic young podcaster so that Steven Nevella could kill again. Nope, nope. Even young was wrong, actually. But you know what is smart? Going to zippercrooter.com slash God awful movies

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and actively invites them to apply. So you get qualified candidates fast. That's why Zipper Cruder is rated number one by employers in the US. This rating comes from hiring sites on trust pilot with over 1000 reviews. Stephen Nevella has the 1000 murder reviews. Yeah, that got. That's a guy. I couldn't. And right now our listeners can try Zippercrooter for free at this exclusive web address. zippercrooter.com slash God awful movies. That's the zippercrooter.com slash God awful movies. zippCrooter.com slash God awful movies. That's zippercrooter.com slash God

awful movies. Zippercrooter.com slash God awful movies. Zippercrooter. The smartest way to hire. Higher, a murderer. No, if you hire Steven, why do you do this to Andrew? I like to keep him on his toes. You know, he's very nimble, right? Hi, I'm No Illusions. You know, sometimes when we do live shows, Eli likes to give Andrew heart attacks by prodding around the edges of libel to expound on jokes that happened before the record started and thus have no context to the listening audience. But to be clear, Steve novella is not a murderer bet we know up. Nope, just at all Eli at all. Steve novella is actually a super nice guy that couldn't have been kinder when we met

him at QED almost two kinds like he was hiding something or like he was just kind. What actually happened is that the QED organizers had our live record scheduled immediately after the skeptic skyd episode, which was happening on another track. So our audience didn't really fill up until after their show finished. Hiding a murder. Just let he was hiding. No, being a podcast. So when people started coming in at the last stack and Eli started making jokes about how Steve novella was more important to them than he was. And this led because of how Eli's brain works, dispending the rest of the hour accusing Steve novella of the most heinous crimes imaginable. Okay, that is not fair.

I can imagine way worse crimes than the ones I accused Steve. Okay, imaginable for me. Anyway, the point is that we have nothing but respect for Dr. novella and the work he's done in the skeptical community. He was one of the chief inspirations for me to get into the world of podcasting to begin with because no one knew he needed to be stopped. Nope. That's not what I knew at all. Eli. Anyway, just want to make it clear that when you hear Eli accusing Steve novella of being a horrible person, it's just a joke and Steve is actually a really nice

guy who didn't murder anyone that we know of. Damn it, Eli, that you know of. And we're back for the breakdown. All right, so this is a documentary film, and it's gonna make a scientific point. So obviously we're gonna start with a couple of Bible quotes in the science documentary. Yeah, Proverbs 9, 11 rocket fuel doesn't burn that. That's pretty much the movie in a nutshell.

Yes. And what I love here is, okay, so basically we get the Bible quotes and then it just shows us nuclear explosions and carpet bombing and the point they're making is fucking science. Am I right? Always nuking people and blowing shit up. And then the narrator comes in.

She says since the beginning of recorded history, the human race has been at war. Not most of us, most of the time, but okay. But then she says first we were at war with members of our own family and then with our fellow countrymen. And that sounds wrong to me. And the anthropologist in the house. All right, so we got Nooks, uh, check. And now at one minute and 13 seconds, Nazis.

Nazis. Because what kind of moon landing documentary would not have fucking Nazis? This is going to debunk the moon landing. Yeah. So far using the Bible, nuclear weapons and Nazis just to be clear. Like I could see debunking evolution from here. Oh, but the moon landing, my interest is. Twisted. Yeah.

And I should point out, by the way, I know I make fun of Eli spelling a lot on the show. I just want to point out that in his notes, he has spelled Nazis, F-N-A-Z-I-S. So it's not like, it's not like he doesn't know, it's that he doesn't care. I just, in my own defense here. I wasn't looking when I tied. Nazis. Nazis. Nazis. defense here. I wasn't looking when I tied. Not see. Not see.

And then I love this line to the narrator goes, but perhaps the reasons that were at war lie within the dark untouchable crevices of the human heart. And I'm like, if you know Eli, you will know that none of your dark crevices are untouchable. No matter of your conscience. All I need is one of those long mirrors and a dark home. And Stephen Navella, host, the skeptics guy to the universe. And then she says, the dawn of warfare, some believe, was initiated by a fallen angel.

I mean, yes, some people, but those people are wrong, though. Yeah. People believe all kind of dumb shit. And this is where we open up the tower of Babel. We, uh, yeah, because, you know, we're talking about the moon landing. So obviously you would start... I think they were saying, because the moon is up. Yes, yes.

You know what I mean? Just like heaven's up, the moon is up. Like if we launched from the South Pole, we'd go to hell. And the weudans went from the North Pole. Well, as Mars explained in his talk, there is no South Pole. That's all a bunch of bullshit. But the point that she's trying to make is she shows the Tower of Babel and like, you know how that didn't work out in history.

And then she shows the Titanic. Yes. You know how that didn't work out in history? Yes. You know how that didn't work out in his clothes? Yes. Science always fails. The Tower of Babel, the Titanic, et cetera. Right. Right. And I realize, for the first time, but not the last,

the point that this movie is trying to make here is, look, every time humans get too up, and he God has to put him down. Yes. Right? And I'm like, dude, there's a carnival cruise ship twice the size of the fucking title is right now. But guys like, just a bunch of drunk people going to Maui.

It's fine. Fine. Well, and then to like bolster this science can never do anything right bit that they're putting on a fucking video that's on YouTube. She says two decades later, NASA couldn't even launch a telescope with that's on YouTube. She says two decades later, now so couldn't even launch a telescope with a lens that focused. Yeah, they couldn't even launch the most advanced satellite or the most advanced telescope in the entire world without one fuck up that they fixed, right?

Right. And are they suggesting that the telescope is a hoax? I did. Like, okay, we ended World War II with that nuke. Got an idea. What if we end the Cold War, we launch some binoculars. How much are binoculars? We'll fake it. We'll fake the binoculars. Inflateables. She... And I love the Richard Nixon quote here. She's trying to draw a line from like the tower of Babel being like, let's go up there and fuck up gods

Do they to like like panic being like our boat will sail to gods Water hub or whatever that is and then it's got the Richard Nixon quote where it's like we go amongst the land of God itself But they try to frame the quote like Richard Nixon was like God. I challenge you to a fist fight You hear me? Fist fight. Fist fight. Yes. That's what Nixon poked like. Yeah, no, it is.

Millennials. Get off your avocado toast. Yeah, no, there's a lot of Richard Nixon in this one. We get an awful lot of shots of Richard Nixon just looking evil. I remember when he was the bad American president. Yeah, that was the best. Yeah, really was. That was the best.

All right, so yeah, and then, but they promised they're going to discipline. Well, they also point out that the, that all the press coverage of the moon landing was controlled by the government. Like, what, what, what do they think happened? Just like Alex Jones driving up next to a Apollo 11 with his own rocket. And like, repress. Who are you hiding? What are you hiding? Go on up. Stops chaining me. And then we get to like reinforce the science can never get anything right message here. We get a montage of a bunch of rockets failing. Yes.

This, okay, so this is my favorite part of the movie because the point they're trying to make here is look, every rocket hasn't made it to the moon. So no rocket made it to the moon, so no rocket's made it to the moon. Yes. I'm going to put a fail compilation of the beginning of this movie to prove that people can't walk to the place. It's right. People sliding us.

Really, you walk to the store. Bullshit. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, ever air India flight. Now I don't know what that footage is. Just a montage of me trying to open a condom wrapper and just bite and add it. The email orgasms, a hoax. It's official. Yeah. All right. So, okay. Is it not? Okay. No, stop it. All right. So then we get this, we get this clip of a Werner von Braun and where he admits that the Russians were way ahead of the Americans in, in terms of space stuff and we get some other, but they don't, they don't put dates or anything or any context on these quotes.

So you know, they're all from, you know, ever 70 years before the moon landing, but they want us to believe that like the day before the moon landing, every scientist came out and said, no, there's no way in hell we're going to beat the Russians thing, right? And it's also like again, in American history, this is the point where everyone was just lying at each other. So Americans were like in Russia, they've got guns that shoot tiny little Russians that go into your bloodstream and fuck up your balls or something. I don't know.

I went there like 700 years ago and they had like one of these Chinese guys who could shoot a bow and arrow from a horse. It was nuts. Yeah, but then we should we show Nixon and we show JFK. We get a couple of different presidents in there. I miss the dignity of JFK. Didn't think I was ever going to say that, but he's just like, how y'all doing tonight? Who's drinking tonight? Who's fucking tonight? And I'm like, aww. Yeah, presidential. Yeah, we get that, that famous clip of saying we should go to the moon before the end of the decade. It's embossed and that's a single syllable. And then we cut to the Apollo 11 launch, which it's impossible to look at that and not get like all excited, especially if you're in a science, right? It's not, it's impossible to look at that

and not feel like a certain pride in the human race and the human ambition and stuff. So to tamp down on that, we get sad violins and it innerspurses with just evil shit or bad shit. Well, evil shit and then Martin Luther King. Well, it is the montage goes rocket, starving child in Africa, rocket, boar in the Middle East, rocket, Martin Luther King. Yeah, seemed like an odd one out kind of a situation, but I don't know for the intended audience of this, maybe not so much.

Why did they show us the Starving Child in Africa part, though? Because that kid could have eaten the rocket fuel that we wasted. I don't, I don't know. That could actually be a commercial for our new space program with our Trump budget for that. Just like starving astronauts. The price of a cup of coffee. You could sponsor an astronaut that got flies all over the helmet. There was one weird thing in here. They showed the monk who self-imilated and there was a part

of me that was just like, I mean, that guy, that guy did that. That was his thing. All right. So now we're going to, we're finally going to get to like the first argument that this movie is going to make, which is that humans couldn't survive going through the Van Allen radiation belt, which has been debunked by none other than fucking Van Allen himself. Right, they say, well, to survive through that, they would have needed lead shielding on the spaceship, which isn't fucking, Google existed when they made this goddamn movie, right?

And the way they try to introduce lead, they're like, so apparently it would need to be covered in this magical metal called Lead. Is that how it's pronounced? I don't know. Poo. Stuff in pencils. Yeah. No, thanks. If you shoot me, I'm not going to block it with a pencil. That's not the stuff that's in pencils. What? That's graphite. Yes. I am wearing a pencil, prove vest right now. Staying if Steve Neville comes up here and shoots me with a pencil, it's unbelievable to his attacks. So yeah, so they spend a whole bunch of time trying to convince us that humans could never get through the Van Allen radiation belts, which I mean, you know, I, we don't have enough time to debunk all the dumb shit that they're saying, but trust me, there's a mythbusters episode that goes over all of this, or you

could Google it in which case you'd have done more research than the makers of this film. And the narrator shows us this by drawing the circles where the Van Allen built supposed to be, but she's like, scolding literal rocket scientists. It was like, see the circle I'm drawing hot. No, bad. We can go through it. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, and then they have to spend a bunch of time talking about how up until then the Russians had been way ahead of the Americans in terms of space exploration, right? Because if you start the race and the lead, the race is over now, I guess. They even talk about like, and then they say, but wouldn't it have been easier for us to just bullshit our way through it? Which no, not if you do the fucking math on it, it wouldn't, but they say like, well, you know, there were generals involved and they're always full of shit. Remember them inflatable tanks from World War II?

See, they lie? They can lie. I forget, when did we send video of the inflatable tanks to the Nazis? But the point of this section is like, we can't just lie to the Russians, right? The way that we did with our inflatable tanks, we would have to lie to everybody. And I'm just really hoping someone suggested that plan of just lying to the Russians. I wonder what that would be like. What the hell?

Okay, Citizens of America. Everyone listen up. Just Citizens of America. Just citizens of America. Nobody else watch. I'm like super serious. Okay. Here's the thing. We're going to fake the moon landing.

But nobody tell the Russians. Oh, or the French. Because those guys are little bitches or now everyone Pinkie Sway, North to tell the Russians Pinkie Sway. Thank you. I love how your JFK was getting more and more. It turns Australian. Yeah, it felt everything.

I think it was you. And I put the stock. All the accents end at Ray Comfort. I think it's like, you know the movie where the guy turns into the zombie because it bit him. It's like a reverse thing. Like slowly, the beard is growing. Oh no!

Guys, kill me now. We'll get Steve Novella in here in a minute. All right, and then, okay, now we're going to start listing a bunch of the other stuff that we could have done with all that money that we spent on the moon landing, right? How many houses could you buy with it? How many cars could you buy with it? Basically, it was acting like fucking Eli whenever this comes up. I'm trying to turn you guys against Eli here. Just saying.

Who here thinks we should scrap the entirety of scientific research and discourse for anything except health and nutrition? Yeah. Oh no, it's just me and other crazy people on the internet, it's just me. Yep, yep. Turns out the nest it doesn't just send things straight to the moon, they actually do a bunch of stuff. Yeah, no, a lot of the stuff. Well, advertised better nerds.

All you ever talk about is like, I sent binoculars into space again, boo! I don't care what Jupiter looks like. I want more Velcro for my shoes! Boo! Boo! Well, and then they try to like, they try to get the anti-corporateist on board with them.

They're like, and then they try to like they try to get the anti-corporateist on board with them. They're like, and. Thank you, nerds. And never again will I just leave my shoe untied so that people walking by will be like, are you okay? Oh, he's gone. So okay, so then they start trying to get all of the like the hippies on board with them by saying and who did all that money go to company. Yeah, Kennedy's fancy science friends at NASA, like who were they, who were they going

to pay to like build rockets, literal rockets, like a plucky organic startup that does like at sea rockets at a hand. Yeah, right. Well, and then they say, okay, this is maybe my favorite moment in the entire movie because they say, and if you think that's too big of conspiracy to pull off that too many people would have to know, consider that we still don't know who killed Kennedy. Yes. They're example for how, yeah, you think this is a big hoax.

How did they manage to kill Kennedy, huh? Also, they go, all right, fine, maybe some of you don't think that the government killed John F. Kennedy. How about the Manhattan Project? There were 129,000 people involved in that, and that's why we still don't know about it. Yeah, yeah, no, their actual argument is if 129,000 people could lie for three years while under constant military surveillance during a war, why wouldn't a bunch of astronauts be able to do it for all of time?

Yeah. And then again, they start talking about how there was no independent press coverage of the moon landing. Just like Buzzfeed reporter in a space suit. Top 10 things to do on the moon. Top 10 places to eat on the moon. Alex Jones in a decepticon. Get shot down. And then okay, and then we're going to knock down the argument from, yeah, but we have pictures though, right? They say at the beginning of this, they're like,

and we asked for all of the pictures that NASA had, and they're the only set us 20 good ones. And they actually say, like, I called up NASA and I was like, I'm going to need all your pictures. And then I showed up at their office and I was like, I need every single one of your pictures. And they were like, here, have 20, please put your pants back on. Stop shitting on the reception desk, you can have 20 pictures. And by the way, like when they got these pictures of people on them, they had like cameras mounted on the spacesuits, right? They didn't have a fucking camera with a little windy thing

that they're sitting around clicking, but that's what this movie would have you believe. Do they think the hoax only works at like 20 of the, well, there are only 360 angles, right? Right, right. And like 20 of them worked. And the other three 40 showed like props that said like fake earth stuff. I don't know. Well, and also they point out that I have no idea what they're going for here. They say, well, and notice only two of the pictures are of Neil Armstrong. She actually says, perhaps this is a quote, perhaps he feared liability should the whole

thing come unraveled. And that's why they only let them take two pictures of him because two examples of you committing a crime aren't enough as we learn from the latest Supreme Court nomination. I just love the idea of like the moon landing hoax gets blown up and Neil Armstrong's like, look, I was just there. Let him take a couple of pictures. I'm an actor in this thing, people. So this is where she's, this is where they bring up the sea that's on the road. She's familiar with Atlantic conspiracy. It's basically the idea that there would never be a shape like in nature

Which means that according to these people they built and designed an entire set and then left fake writing. Like this is a fake rock writing on the props in the shot. Yep. Yep. That's their argument. And by the way, in case you're curious, it was actually a fiber that got on a copy machine is how that wound up there. It's very clearly that's it. But yeah, I just I love the idea that they would make fake rocks and then label them as fake rocks. I wonder what that would be like, but that would be like. Lou, Lou, Lou, doing moon hoax landing stuff. Moon landing hoax stuff is my favorite stuff.

Hey, Dave, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, Rick, what's up? So about the prop rocks that we're doing. Yeah, they look great, don't they? Well, I mean, it's too gray. No, no, that's not the problem. It's not that they're too gray. You wrote fake rock.

Unlike a bunch of the rocks, Is that, is that important? Yeah. Okay. Um, it's not clicking for you. Okay. It seems like that's going to be a problem for taking the pictures. Dude, why would we do that? Oh, what, what we'll do. We're going to face the fake rock side away from the camera. Cool. Like that. Cool. Away from the camera. Right. But why, though, Cool. Like that. Cool. Away from the camera. Right.

But why, though, the whole thing? Why what? Okay, I thought I would give it a second. You got it. No. Why the fake rocks in the first place? I mean, we can't go to the moon. So we need fake rocks.

No. No. Why not get just real rocks? You know, the ones that are just available everywhere, just regular regular everywhere rocks would do it. There it is. Real rocks. Real rocks. Yeah. Real rocks. I mean, I already made the fake one. I saw. No. Did it take you a while?

Yes. You put in some effort. Okay, you know what? It's fine. It's fine. I'm going to go back to not telling anybody about this entire operation. Me neither. I will never tell anybody. Nobody involved ever will. Perfect.

Why was your making secrets? I don't. Well, okay. And that's not even the dumbest argument in this section because then we get, and of course anyone who's done any research into the moon hoaxing things knows about this one, we get that the shadows aren't going the right ways bit. Right? They're like, well, if the only light source was the

sun, why would the shadows be moving in converging directions occasionally? I'm like, multi artificial light doesn't do that either, right? Right? Like uneven terrain does, but even the lights that they use in Hollywood don't make shadows go in opposite ways. And I'll tell you my favorite thing about this section of the movie. So we had done a live show in London, we had gone to France and Heath was finishing up his notes as we were flying here. And we're all just sort of sitting there with a little bit jet lag and Heath runs over to the group of us and goes, guys, do flashlights work in space?

They go at the speed of light in there. And I was like, everybody knows that. You mean light? I thought the photo... What do you think? Photons. The photons were in on it. Different photo-mess.

Did you make this movie? Nope. But I thought they were going to like start arguing that the moon was flat though because they were saying that all shadows have to go perfectly. Yes. So the moon has to be flat and that like look at all 20 pictures from NASA. All rectangles. Oh shit. Well, we also get the, well, there's no burn hole under the landing craft.

The, in the oxygenless environment, like the argument from lunar regolith doesn't burn that hot. Apparently, they ask why there's not enough dust on the landing, but just basically the same nonsensical shit you've heard a thousand times from these guys. Well, I mean, and then of course they tell us that they didn't take a picture of the stars. Oh, yes, yes.

Right. So if they had taken a picture of the stars, apparently everyone would have seen the best boy like hanging out there with a light. Right. So if they had taken a picture of the stars, apparently everyone would have seen the best boy like hanging out there with a light. So that was over. Right. And part of that theory was that like an amateur astronomer could then debunk their picture really easily. But because he would know where the stars would start for me.

But doesn't that mean they could hire an amateur astronomer to get it right. One more guy in their 400,000 person conspiracy. I think you could fit that in. You would think, all right, well, I'll tell you what, anywhere we pause in this flick is going to be jarring and random. So we're going to call that the end act to and I'm going to give act three of the hard sell here. Where the fuck do they think the moon rocks came from? Are they going to address the Japanese mission that took pictures of the lander? Do these people think that hills are fake before and after high noon?

Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the belligerent conclusion of a funny thing happened on the way to the moon. Hey Eli, have you seen my I missed your calling card good sir coming in old sport. What's what's happening right now? What are you doing? You're doing a weird thing. Just getting into the spirit, old chap. I trade stocks now.

Old boy. So I need to fit the bill. Trade stocks. Yes. All right. Well, why don't you just use Robinhood? That's scoundrel. I doubt he'd work for me. Riches. I am. No, not a guy. Also, no, just in general. No. So Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options and cryptos, all commission free. Comission free. You make my monocle quiver, sir.

Nope, not a monocle. You clearly just broke your glasses in half. Making them monocle. Nope. Okay. Well, other brokerages charge up to $10 for every trade, but Robinhood doesn't charge commission fees at all. You keep all of your profits.

Well, the pricing hits the spot, but in the free damn far too busy following the long string of ticket tape, I used to check the stocks, my boy. That's what you're referring to is a fruit by the foot. I'm pretty sure. I eat it. Well, Robinhood provides easy to understand charts and market data. And you can place a trade with just four taps on your smartphone. But you won't try it. Where do I put my John Hancock? Well,

Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Sign up at awful. Robinhood.com. That's awful. Robinhood.com. Fantastic. Now, if you're excuse me, the footsie is up. No, not what that means. Put a sock on my footsie. No. Starting in London. Hey, Dave. Hey, Kyle, what's up? Hell, Satan. Yeah. Yeah. Hell, Satan, uh, quick thing. It's August 4th, 2024 today. So I know what day it is. Kyle. No, no, no, I mean, obviously, I'm saying today's the day we're supposed to unseal all the files from the fake moon landing. files from the fake moon landing.

Oh my God, is that today? Yeah, yeah, that's today. Well, shit. Uh, I guess go ahead and do it, right? I mean, rules, rules are rules, right? Right. Right. So that's the thing though. Uh, like I was thinking, can we just not, not do that or can we create some fake files and release those instead?

Well, not on this kind of notice, we can't, I feel like. No, well, no, I just mean like, you know, we faked the moon landing, so why would we now, all of a sudden start following the rules about openness that doesn't really make sense? So for you, you're proposing we just keep lying about landing on the moon. We continue on.

On the moon, okay. Okay, yeah. Do that. Great. Great. Um, hey, Dave. Yes, Kyle? I'm never going to tell anybody about this.

Me neither. Like our secret, right? Smile at me. This is an audio medium, but I And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our narrator, she was asking why we couldn't see stars in the background of the moon photos And we're gonna rejoin the movie still drawing on about that shit since they've got virtually nothing else. And they're saying like, what a great opportunity. We're on the moon. Why not take, we're closer to out out out out into the space and the moon already like partway into the outer

space. So why wouldn't you take pictures of the stars? That's where they are out. Yeah, they missed missed opportunity. And and this is where we get what maybe one of my favorite sections of the movie, the outtakes that the makers of this movie found. And so basically what they're doing here is they found footage of them basically, you know, that famous shot of the astronauts as they like looked out the window with the camera and saw like the earth from the moon for the first time. So there's a little bit more footage after that. And their claim here is that they see in the footage them like peeling the earth decal off the window.

Some guy walking in front being like, you guys want crafty? Come get some crafty. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So they're argument here and this is the only new thing in this documentary. I just get like 17 things. So like you'll have to scroll back up. But the only new thing in this documentary is that they're claiming that basically they

took a piece of construction paper and cut a little circle out of it and put that in the window so the moon would look further or the so that the earth would look further away when they took video of it. That's their claim and they show this shot and apparently they've managed to get the clouds to curve around like the clouds were in on it along with the photons and stuff. That was chemtrails. Oh, okay. It's so weird that like all of Earth wasn't one continent. Yeah, it turns out from space, you can really only see America.

You guys are being weird. So, again, they go back to the money thing they hear. They have here, they're talking about the lunar rovers, right? And they say, you know, each lunar rover costs $60 million, even though they have fewer parts than a regular Jeep. Like the fucking colon and diamond has fewer parts than a fidget spinner. What pointer are you trying to make here? Why didn't they just drive around on fidget spinners on the moon? Does it make any sense? And then they do, of course, the flag. They say that

the flag was blowing in the wind. No, it wasn't. The flag was acting in a way that a flag would act if there's no air resistance, you know, because they're saying like, look, it's almost like there's wind. It's like it's, it's not acting like anything on earth would act. Shit, what point are we making? Fuck. I think Stanley Kubrick.

He loves how the fan blows through his luxurious beard. Oh, okay. And so on the say, he was like, you know, it's blowing the flag around Stanley. Can we take that off? And he was like, luxurious beard. Keep in the fan. That seems to be the theory. And also, and this is one of the greatest arguments I've ever heard.

You might be wondering how they faked the, the, the waylessness, right? Because we didn't have CGI. We couldn't take away the wires well. As it turns out, he just bounced around regularly, and then they put it in slow motion. Because you know, slow motion, you can jump nine feet up onto a ladder effortlessly at a big ass suit. It's magic in slow motion.

And the fast motion version of this, so they so they show him walking on the moon, right? He's doing the boom, did boom, did boom, did boom. And then the fast, most, most fast, that word. He looks like this. And I really want to be at that meeting where they were just like, Neil, but what are you doing, man? You're walking on the moon. He was like, yeah, I got it. No, just walk normal, Neil. We're going to slow it down. Got it.

You doing karate, Neil? karate Neil. Elias now join for the listeners at home. Elias now join the ministry of silly walks. Someone is, but if you watch it in slow motion, it looks like I'm walking on the moon. Yes. No, it's the same thing. If you put me in slow mode, trying to do a pull up and then vomiting person, all of a sudden I'm doing kung fu in the matrix. It changes it. It's a backflip. And okay, and now we're going to get to like their new stuff, right? They have some, again, some outtakes that NASA, I guess, accidentally sent them. So we start with the audio evidence, which is literally a thing where all the astronauts are in the capsule looking back at the earth and they ask Neil Armstrong question.

And someone comes into his headphones or whatever and says, Neil talk. And they're like, see, he's being queued by the director. Or he's overawed by the view of the thing or he didn't hear you the first time talk. They build this up to the whole fucking movie that you're going to hear never before I heard evidence and that said it's someone saying, hey man, talk. Like it was going to be like, hey Stanley Kubrick, it's me Neil Armstrong, you're the director on the fake astronaut. We are faking the moon landing together, yes we are.

Certainly faking it. Still rolling. Cool. Should we keep this? We're going to keep it. We faking it. Still rolling. Cool. Should we keep this? We're gonna keep it. We're doing an outtake thing. All right. Put in the blooper reel.

That's for that. Do it again, real. But I love the idea that like, Neil flubbed a line. Yeah, it's a perfect billion dollar organized thing. And Neil was just like, ah, mooon. organized thing and Neil was just like, aww, moon!

Well, it's gonna be fair, Neil did flub a fucking line. That's kind of the most famous thing he ever did. One big man, step fuck. Line, line, sorry, just keep rolling. I got this. One giant step on a big man. Steve Nevella. Steve Nevella. Stanley keeps looking at me. Stop.

Yeah. And then, of course, they show us the thingy I was talking about earlier where they say that they cut the construction paper earth out and put up a little decal or whatever. Then they claim, because they keep showing you the same thing and they're like, why would they do this three times if it was real? And I'm like, because the shot was shitty. There's so many reasons why they would do that. What?

Because if it was real, they would only do one take of the Earth from space. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, boss, how many shots of the earth from space for one of the first times ever? Do you think they're going to want one? Just the one, you know, we should take a second one. What are the odds? You're going to fuck this up. We're an asset. God damn it. Okay. One tie. One take. One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one,

one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one have to convince us, okay, so then the other question that you have to ask yourself at this point is that if we fake the moon landing, why the fuck will we keep doing it, right, over and over again? Just like, rub it in Russia's face.

Like run up the score. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, so they're like, yeah, they, they not only did they lie to us once they lie to us five times. And like, yeah, so they're like, yeah, they, they'd not only did they lie to us once they lie to us five times. And like, yeah, I guess, and then, and then of course they're saying like, and of course they didn't make all these same video mistakes those times because they knew what they were

doing at that time. But my favorite part here and it's based on something true, which is the second time we went to the moon, nobody fucking cared. And they point out the fact that like when they showed it on TV a bunch of people were like I'm missing. I love Lucy. I get it the moon. Boom nerds So the theory they put forward here is that to make it more exciting for the people They faked the problems with Apollo 13 I just love the idea of a writer's room.

They're all sitting around, okay. How do we spice up the moon? Okay, this time when we go, there's a crisis actors. Crisis actors, yeah. We get a bunch of teenagers. We march them around a kindergarten. Shoot them. Shoot them.

Send them to space. I have a guy who will shoot up a guy. You have a guy who's not shooting guy have a guy. Is he not shooting guy? His name is Steven. No, no, no. Yeah. And then, and then of course she starts, she starts arguing that she's like, well, Neil Armstrong, you never gave an on camera interview after the moon landing.

She says this while we're looking at him giving an on camera interview during the moon landing. She says this while we're looking at him giving an on camera interview during the moon landing is she's like, accept this one and this one and this other one. But in the last one, according to her, he left a coded message about not going to the moon. And so there's this amazing shot of Neil being like, there's so much left to explore the moon on. We want you to know that we have left so much yet undiscovered the moon. And we know that you this younger generation will do what we could not go to the moon. Well, okay, but the actual quote she has here is him say he's talking about the advancement of science.

And he says something about removing one of truth's protective layers, right? That's the coded message. And we're supposed to be like, oh, yeah, there's no way that somebody would like describe doing science in a stupid way. If they were a human being that was completely remembered and almost entirely for flubbing the one small step for a man line, like Neil Armstrong, he a great guy. It's just maybe not a great man line. Like Neil Armstrong, you great guy. It's just maybe not a great public speaker. By the way, the other thing that I find hilarious about this is she says he only did these three on camera interviews. I found eight more of them on the first fucking page of YouTube,

right? Complete horse shit. And then of course, she leaves us with a promise of the truth because as we know, in 2016, the government had to open the file on the Kennedy assassination, and in 2024, we're just getting all of Stanley Kubrick's cut footage of the moon. Like, there would be a multi-billion dollar hoax to land on the moon, and they'd be like, and happy new year. All right.

That's the rule. We got to let him see it. Look, there it is. His Jack Nicholson. He was one of the guys. I'd be a fun thing. Yeah. Something tells me that played a lot better before they opened those files in 2017 and nothing

new was learned. Yeah. Also, like during this, when she's like, perhaps one day the truth will come forward. And as you're saying that, for no reason I can discern, we're looking at a row of human skull. Oh. Oh.

Funny story about that. I emailed the guy who made this movie, asked him to explain how he clearly chopped off 200 people's heads. Demand proof he didn't do that. Haven't heard a word very suspiciously quiet. All right, and so then we close on a few more quotes, right? The movie wraps up here and we close on a couple extra quotes, including this is the entirety of the quote, too many secrets. The source for this is the movie sneakers.

You know, the one made by Dan, I believe all the conspiracy theories, Acroid, that one, the fictional fucking movie is where they got to quote to close out who you gonna call. Ghostbusters show me the money. I love black people the end. Well, and the very last quote was from Shakespeare. It says, the truth will out. And I'm surprised that's not attributed to like Christopher Marlowe or Frances Bacon or something like that. But no, at least they got that quote right. All right. So in honor of our host country here, I thought we would close things on a little alternate history. So gentlemen, if the English had been the first

to send a human being to the moon, how would the mission have been different? We'd have known it was fake because nobody brought twinings. I'm thinking you hear like Houston, we have a problem, something's wrong with the boiling water. It just keeps fucking this is.

Can't go. And we'll step away from Manchester for a moment because well, that does it for our review of a funny thing happen on the way to the moon. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet. We still need to global your dubbers for next week. I made that up, but it sounds British, right? So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, I know you thought you got out of it,

but it's time for our Halloween Spooktacker. Spooktacker. Like spectacular, you see, but with spook. We do it every year and everyone loves it. So we'll be covering one of our most requested movies ever, the remaining. That was bound to happen eventually. All right.

Fine. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 166 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to QED for hosting the show. Huge thanks to all the fans who came out. Huge thanks to all the England for pretending the whole time that you guys really talk like that normal life. I mean, come on. And the biggest thanks of all to the patrons who helped make this possible.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode on nation at patreon.com slash God awful, and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help with ton by leaving a five store review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show,

be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating A, the Ascitation Needed and the Scepticred available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godolphinmovies to gmail.com, legal services for this podcast provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson, handles our social media, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot to convince people to refs on Mars, although the music was written and performed

by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heathenright and Neelie Bostig. I'm Noel Lucius Promise, and a work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll return you to QED for the breakfast club clothes Russia got the last laugh in 2016 Buzz Aldrin regretted not going flat palm and upward not going flat-paw him an upward. The footage of Lyndon Johnson packing away a rifle with Lee Harvey Oswald was released in 2024.

Nobody except YouTube, No Disturquer. Thank you so much, Q&A! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! conscious by a drunken belligerent Steve novella. Why not fall onto the soft breezy feeling of a Casper Nonsense. Casper.com forward slash punch by Steve novella. Hash tag. I got punched by Steve novella at QED. So viral. And just a moment too late.

Eli, we were we only have 20 minutes here or so, so I'm not going to let you be rate Steve novella for this part. But if you guys want to stick around at the end, ask him about Steve novella, he'll have more. I got a scroll through a bunch of notes. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to skip that section. Oh, you've drawn pictures. Yeah, where was Steve Neville when JFK was shown? So, I'll tell you the story about my interaction with Steve Neville later, because we don't have time. 2018 all rights reserved.