God Awful Movies - 181: The Laws of Eternity

Episode Date: February 5, 2019

This week, guest masochist Aaron Rabi joins us for a discussion of "The Laws of Eternity"; the product of a spectacularly weird Japanese cult that seems to be equal parts Buddhism, fevered mushroom trip, and Ultraman. * * * Hear more from Aaron on [Embrace the Void](https://voidpod.com/) and [Philosophers in Space](https://0gphilosophy.libsyn.com/) * * * See us live in Denver on March 9th. [Click here for ticket info](https://theorientaltheater.com/event/332075/God-Awful-Movies-LIVE-in-Denver). If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

All right, you're gonna be tempted to stop the show. Maybe you just normally stop the show when I start going into all the who does our Legal stuff and who does our social media don't stop the show until the show ends this week. Trust me. Just trust me on this And of course he is being ridden slash commanded by he is being ridden, he's lashed commanded by... Hissler. Hissler. Hissler. Is that like, her slur in a Hissler? I had a whole moment where I was like, is Hitler copyrighted?

Like, is this a... This is the end to get the knockoff Chinese brand. Is there a definite, like, you get a defamation case against you if you say shit about Antler? It's Trump's America, I wouldn't be surprised. God awful movie! Welcome back to the Gamecast where each week we sample another selection from religious cinema because sometimes you'll find one that makes it all worth while. I'm your host Noah Luzon, so unfortunately Heath is unable to join us today, and I mean like unfortunately for everybody, but mostly Heath.

But sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend, Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. I must have accidentally taken some acid this weekend. So I saw something. I don't know if it was the movie, but it was fabulous. Like, I'm hoping our hallucinations all line up for this episode.

Yeah. And also joining us today is the cohost of the Philosopher's and Space Podcasts and the embrace the void podcast and a very special guest, masochist Aaron Rabbi. Do you? Oh, welcome. Be got a little middle name. Yes. How thanks for having me. Thanks for having me back by. This is great. So I'm playing Keith in this episode, right?

Yes. Which means I'm the racist Eli, I think, is the way that works. And oh, that's his new brand. There we go. You're tall. Right. And my pedophilia preferences though go straight or go straight, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Little girls, I think, and scotch, scotch and little girls and race. And wild cards. All right. All right. I'm tuned in. All right. Okay.

So before you take on the Heath percent of all the wake, tell us a little bit about about philosophers in space. Are you guys, are you guys really in space for that? Well, technically we're all in space. I don't know if we told you that. Oh, good point. Okay. All right. Um, yeah, it's, you know, it's another way to, um, trick people into talking about philosophy

by pretending like it's something more interesting. And I love it so much. Yeah, no, I, it's a pretty awesome show. I, you know, I highly recommend the episode that I guessed it on more than other, the other episodes are still pretty good. But, you know, it's a fun concept. It takes a lot of, uh, really cool, really cool philosophical concepts from modern sci-fi, which really honestly is kind of where everybody gets their, their philosophy now, right? That's where philosophy lives

is mostly in our sci-fi at this point. Yeah, sci-fi is just philosophy with better special effects, basically. Yeah, bigger budget. All right. So tell us, Aaron, what will we be breaking down today? budget. All right. So tell us, Aaron, what will we be breaking down today? The laws of eternity. Yeah. That's a great name. I assume we're going to find out exactly why everything sucks all the time forever. We will. We will impact pretty much with that. We will find, like, this is one of those things where we will find so many answers and so many more questions. Yeah. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you just did way too many shrooms, but you love the color yellow, you will love

this movie. This isn't just the craziest thing we've ever watched. It's one through five of the craziest thing we've ever watched. It's one through five of the craziest thing we've ever watched. Like, act three is the craziest thing we ever watched, but act two was the craziest thing before that. I was thinking about this in relation to the anime craziness scale, like on the Christian movie scale, this is absolutely bananas, but like on the anime scale, this is still slightly above medium, I think, right? On the word dislike. This could have gotten a little

weirder, but it gets pretty weird. Well, but consider this though. Okay. So medium crazy for an anime, as a religion, right? You really summed it up right there. Okay. So this film is brought to us by the happy science cult. That's literally, I mean, they don't call themselves a cult, but yeah, but they call themselves the happy science group or something. They're fucking cult. And if they're the brainchild of, they're the child of this dude, the Japanese dude who decided he didn't want to be a, you know, a worker anymore. So he decided to be a guru and he just came up with one of these lazy ass just mush everything together and call it a new religion, kind of religions.

Yeah. And also apparently he's wildly racist. The guy, like, literally the religion is based on ranking the racists, right? Like, yep. He hates Chinese people in Korean. So it's like it's different than our racism, but not really. And we should point out he is the star of this movie. This movie is supposed to be his origin story. Well, sort of, yeah, sort of like slightly, slightly fictional, a lot of historians. And the fact that these people are wildly racist

gets a little confusing as the protagonists of this story appear to be a bunch of Aryan white people like with Japanese names, though, right? The only ones that are able to get to the highest level of heaven are the ones with the Japanese name, right, and blonde hair. Those are two important factors and we're discussing the racial components of this religion. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Sure. I will nominate this for best worst referencing of every theory ever because there's no one said they really do put everything in the blender like it all goes in and I'm, you know, you all know me.

My stick is 100% noun verb pop culture reference philosophy concept. No one really cares about, right? I'm all about the references, but these people really go deep with it. Yeah, it's amazing to me how many like mutually exclusive concepts they throw out together. Yeah, if you've read, if you've read Dirk Jettley's holistic detective agency, the electric monk is sweating at the end of this move. All right. Okay. So I was going to go with best worst spell check preview. All right. So a little behind the scenes here on how I do my job, usually Eli goes through and he writes the notes first and then I have to spell check them.

Otherwise, I have to look at his misuse of the fucking form of their all the way through as I'm writing my notes and I just can't handle that. So I spell check it, which means I get a little glimpse of what's coming based on which words I'm spell checking. In this movie, it's several references to God, Eagle. It's and then Thomas Edison said, and there's like, Oh, and now we're in a glass city in the ninth dimension. Like, what the fuck are we about to watch? Does he mean God angle? means God angle. It never disappoints. And on that note, my best worst is best worst celebrity appearances. Here's a wonderful thing. I can rarely say you should absolutely watch this

movie, not put it on an apartment, not yeah, fast forward to this part. You should watch every single second of this movie. It is on YouTube. It is a blessing for us all. I literally told Ely before we recorded, I'm like, we should review this once a year. Just when we do a bad one, we have to do like silence in his three and a half hours. We should reward ourselves by doing this movie again. I feel truly blessed to be here. And this movie literally never stops getting crazier with its celebrity and appearances. You are always going to a higher heaven and there is always a weirder choice for the next person at that next level of a higher head.

There is not a single second of this movie where I was, okay, I kind of saw that coming. Not a second, not a single, I am zero for 1,432 in this movie. Like Don Deon shrooms might have seen some of this comment. Yeah. Yeah. You could, you could literally say you did not see parts of this movie coming and it would be true. There we go. Listen to this again at the end. That'll be even funnier. All right. All right. Paul forward time is not real. All right. All right. Time is not real. All right. Well, we have epic levels of insanity waiting for you on the other side of the break. So we'll keep it brief. When we come back, we'll dive into all the random philosophical ejecto that is.

The laws of eternity. So Aaron, philosophy. Huh? Yep. Aaron philosophy, huh? Yep. So do you like, you like think about all that way out there, trippy stuff all the time? I mean, not really. And philosophy is just like a system of... So like, why do men lose their hair, right?

Well, that's biology, not really philosophical mystery or anything. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I get it. Nobody knows. Nothing we can do. not really philosophical mystery or anything. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Right. I get it. Nobody knows nothing we can do. Just like all the other philosophical, philosophical. No, no, no.

I mean, like, there's four hymns.com. I'm sorry. What's a four hymns.com? It's a one-stop shop for hair loss. Skincare, sexual wellness for men. Oh, like, like, like, the, uh, the skin care was inside you all along. No, they offer well-known generic equivalents to name brand prescriptions, right to help you keep your hair. Oh, they send a doctor to your house.

No, in the, in the mail. No. Oh, answer a few quick questions, and then a doctor reviews them, and you can prescribe you what you need. Okay, but what do we need? Am I right? The philosophy is that right. Well, if people want to order now, Gantt listeners can get a trial month of hymns for just $5 today right now while supplies last.

See website for full details. This would cost hundreds if you went to a doctor or a pharmacy. Go to forehims.com slashgam. That's f-o-r-h-i-m-s.com slashgam. For hymns.com slashgam. Yeah, but it's like, does hy him's need you or do you need him? Simmer right? That's nice.

You're just like human job security for me. Run. So good. In your hand. Aaron. Aaron, really glad you're here, dude. Yeah, we thought your background and philosophy like really, really help out with this week's show.

Oh, that's so kind of you. Happy to be here. Yeah. So, okay. So, in your opinion, you know, philosophically speaking, who was the God of science, thoth or Thomas Edison? Ooh. The God of what now?

Ooh, better question. Sorry. This will probably help. Philosophically speaking, are you a more of a sixth or a seventh dimension guy? Oh, good one. The dimensions? And if Mother Teresa goes to hell, does she go there to get the people that she sent there?

Well, that's a thinker. That's a thinker. You guys brought me here to torture me, didn't you? He did too. Yes. It's a bare-it-foam. Hey podcast listener, a lot of you who've asked where Heath has been for the last two shows and well We think it's important. We be honest with you

Sure, we could tell you these on vacation, but the truth is he's mad that you aren't coming to our live show in Denver, Colorado on March 9th I know I know, I know. Many of you live very far away and can't come, but Heath knows that many of you can come. And he's not coming back until you buy your ticket. We don't know how many tickets we have to sell or who has to buy a ticket before he'll come back, but just to be on the safe side, please check the show notes and buy yours today. God awful movies, live in Denver, Colorado on March 9th, buy your tickets, or Heath will never come back.

And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open this up in the near future with three bodies visiting the Edison Museum in New York City. All I have here is say what you want about this cult. These motherfuckers can logo that they can that they can. So yeah, so we got we start off with these three friends. One guy is super excited to be at the Edison Museum. He is jerking off to every light bulb in that place. Another guy is kind of bored and wants to go. And a third guy is checking out restaurants on his phone.

So already there's a good Noah analog and a good Eli analog. Aaron, I'm afraid you're gonna have to be blonde douchey guy here. That's fine. I can play team Tesla. Okay. This guy doesn't deserve a museum's bullshit.

So I didn't even invent that company invented that. Yeah, right. Before some attributional copyright name on it. Saying alterating current. Some people think like pigeons. Okay, so I have to mention this right away because this was a weird idiosyncratic torture for me. The subtitles in this film do not match the words.

Okay, so here's what happened. Like somebody went through and did the subtitles translating them from Japanese and then someone else went through and did the dubbing translating from Japanese. And they weren't on the same page on the translations. One of them do English way better than the other one. on the translations. One of them knew English way better than the other one. That may just be your misperception not being an eighth dimensional being. They might actually think of it as you get to I was listening to this in the third dimension. Yeah, that's your problem. The subtitles being slightly different from the words being spoken in this movie is the first of many times I would say to myself, man, if I was watching this high, I'd be upset. I was watching this high.

Yeah. I mean, it's undistinguishable whether I was higher or not. Yeah. Right. Everything lost meaning, including the concept of normal brain function. Okay. So comic relief guys, they're walking around notices that Thomas Edison once tried to make a device that would communicate with spirits. Now, the reason

is because Thomas Edison was a crazy fucker. Yes. Why would you, you know, this in a movie where you're going to make him see like such a rational person, he's a higher being in a different dimension. You know what? I take it back. I take it back. I just heard what I said. The only reason they need Edison is because he was a crazy fuck. Well, I mean, I assume that the idea was you started off by just hating people, right? And you go to hating people to wanting to talk to spirits, to hire dimensional being to wherever this movie ended up. I love using words to explain that.

Yeah. Yeah. So they're reading about his spirit phone and Ruta, who is going to be the character, the main character of the movie has some kind of weird demon epiphany. As he's reading it, he sees the eye of Sora on out of the corner of his eye. It's unclear. Yeah. A little bit of Jew whispering in the back.

I can keep. I have a J card. I can make that joke too. I'm just saying. Well, there you go. There you go. Someday I'll be able to crick you pot too. That's right.

On to convert or something. All right. So they're reading all this and they also have to make a big deal out of the fact that the first recorded thing ever was Mary had a little lamb. That is going to pay off. Let me tell you. And I was super happy that they got the girls from Freddie Krueger to get to do this song. I think they actually did they play the actual first recording in this they may have. Or they think they were some version of it, right?

Right. Well, and then they had the kids sing it over it to make it extra creepy. Oh, they say, but big fan of the skeptic guy in this one scene, right? Well, the two friends are obsessing over all of this stuff. You've got the one stem lord in the background who still thinks that science, like technology is actually about rationality. And he's like, maybe we shouldn't give a shit about this stupid spirit phone thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no looking for a restaurant on their phone and they get lost. And I'm like, okay, I already

got that this guy was supposed to be the Eli of this movie, but okay. Yeah, who put the nub in charge of the Pokemon go? This is right. Also, just a stupid little thing that bothers me. Whenever we see near future, like for some reason, people always put like clear phone screens, see why? Why the hell would you want that? You know what's great about my phone is that I can't tell what's on my phone with it. Oh, this is way harder to read. The future. Also, two handed now. So they managed to be like, have you ever been tired of using only one hand of your phone? Well, don't worry. So they managed to be like, have you ever been tired of using only one hand of your phone? Well, don't worry. Someday it'll be the size of a Game Boy

D. I blame Spielberg for like 75% of it. Yeah. No, I think you're right. All right. So as they're walking around lost, they run into Dan Snyder's version of a Native American. I just wrote my notes, holy shit, it's Nathan Phillips quick. Put on your hat and smirk. Yeah. I was thinking, well, if we are playing Pokemon Go, right, a wild Native American is a rare spot on you. So you should definitely catch that shit. Got a feed and berries. Right. It's racism. Right. I think there. Yeah, exactly. But she brings a message from Thomas Edison via the spirit world. By the way, it just gets crazier from here, right?

They're wandering around New York City, the empty streets of New York City. They run into a Native American who has a message from Thomas Edison via the spirit world. That's the starting point of the crazy. Right. So, so they head back to her T.P. which is in Manhattan. Her Manhattan T.P.

Yeah, there's over about 8400 a month actually. That's a nice one. So, I mean, so far this is the standard intro for any Miyazaki movie, right? You've got fetishizing of early industrial technology and you've got a cryptic old lady who's doing some weird shit with miners. Oh, this is so spirited away right now. So far, we are well-undragged for an Oscar nomination.

Right. Right. If nothing goes wrong from here on out, this could be a good movie. Spoiler alert. It's not okay. It did go wrong. So she explained, she's like, I'm a shaman.

And I get messages from dead people all the time. I got to admit, fan girl the little one, Thomas Edison call though, right? Thomas Edison. Pretty great. Thomas Edison light ball. Oh, nice break from people's grandmas. Let me tell you. She does by far the worst Thomas Edison impression I've ever seen.

Oh, my God. This is a guy who's famous for having recorded his voice. Yes. You could have practiced a little bit before we got on this stage. Yeah, so, but she channels the spirit of Edison. Edison is calling upon Riyota to finish his spirit phone. Mm-hmm. This calling on, like, Edison, right?

If you take out the weird anime swooshing effects, right? This is three young individuals watching an old woman have a seizure, right? Yep. I wanted one shot from like a normal person's perspective and just how creepy it would look to watch or just be twitching on the floor. I don't know.

You guys quietly put fives in a glass box on the way out the door. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Fucking weird. All right. But then she's like, oh, were you able to give me your hand? I'm going to electric ET touch you and you're going to get some equations from this, right?

You're going to see a blueprint for your spirit phone. And the visions that pass by him during their electric touch, communicating spirit moment is a preview of how crazy it is. It's the Da Vinci man, but then there's also just like some e equals MC square and then you've got spreadsheet. You had this new taxes. Someone's playing ski-free. And this is great because we're only six minutes in and my shrooms are already coming up, which means, hey, you know There's a strong batch right here and go for a while here Yeah, so he's like really is like I get it Thomas Edison wants me to build the spirit phone

Black Eli, this is Roberto. He is in he's a hundred percent. Yes, spirit phone. I was just thinking that the instant He says it. He's like son thinking we'll yes, spirit phone. I was just thinking that the instant he says it, he's like, so I'm thinking we'll build a spirit phone. Fuck. Yes. I'm in. Let me get mine in 10.64 size phone. And we are out here.

This may be me watching spending too much time on Twitter, but this scene for me, Reudo was Jordan Peterson, right? The black dude is the skeptic movement. The spirit phone is gender essentialism and like the rest of us are the blonde dude just like looking on and horror happening to our community. Oh, you co is pick me feminism. I get it. Yeah, there you go. All right. So now to really double down on the Eli analog here, we see Roberto he's biking along. We get a close up of his Velcro shoes and his way too big for him ankle length basketball shorts.

He's on his way to help their back in Japan now where apparently this Hispanic dude, the white guy and the Japanese guy live. And Roberto is going to help you to build his spirit phone. So what you're saying is I'm ahead of the curve with fashion. Yes, I agree. I do it. This is where I start to wonder as an amateur in all of this, right? Where's the Jesus? I mean, I assume Jesus is coming at some point, but like so far, nothing has given me any impression of Christianity and any of this. Well, okay. So that's the thing about this movie is that like for the very, like the first

10 or 12 minutes, you're like, oh, did we pick, I don't think we picked the right movie, you know, this is weird, but it's not. And then again, and then it fucking the bottom falls out. Okay. But before it can, though, the love interest has to show up. It's Yuko, the useless female. Yuko, the useless female on every possible plane of existence. Yeah, yes.

This woman is impressively in a refrigerator. Exactly. Oh, yeah, it's so bad. The lack of agents. She's like the lack of agency personified, right? Like, oh god, stand around and look at the men. She would have been perfectly at home in 1970 science fiction. Yeah. But you call, okay, so like Roberto and Riyodar are trying to build the spirit phone. She comes in and Roberto goes, you go goes to a religious school. She must know all about the spirit, where I literally wrote, hey, you believe in bullshit. Catholic is bullshit, I'm an

right. I guess all Catholic school girls really are the girls from the craft. Yeah. Maybe I misunderstood that movie. There's a great little aside here too, where they're just trying to move the plot, the fuck along and get to the crazy. So Roberto says, we're going to build a spirit phone and you go out of the blue says, like the one that Thomas Edison tried to build. Yeah. Right. She will always have been reading a book the night before on whatever plot point they're about to discuss. So no one has to repeat themselves. The least plausible hand waving ever. It's like she knows it so immediately that they should all look at each other and think serial killer. We should get out of the room right now. She literally

says it was in a book. She was reading last night. I wanted her to be like, yeah, the book's called bullshit bullshit. No bullshit. Yeah, this was the scene in which I realized this was just a massive set up for Eli to get back at me for the series. And I deserve it. It's fair. It's a fair punishment. Good. Good.

That's what we're all about here in my new cult. I was happy science where this, we're all joined in happy science at the end. You'll understand why by the hell. Yeah. All right. So then Patrick shows up. The blind guy from earlier, he's like,, Hey guys, I am a cynical skeptic and I'm here to prove that this won't work by helping you build it.

Oh, hey, the blue person's in contact. Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. So then you would have built breaks down the fucking spirit phone blueprint as though we were gonna later have to fight this as a boss villain. He's like, all right, I will handle this, but you're going to handle the lens. None of this will matter. None of it. This flashy part is where you can wound it. Yeah. This is the glowing part here.

The only significant thing about this is that as he's handing out assignments to everybody, he just looks at you, go and he gives her a thumbs up, right? He's like, Patrick, you'll be great at building the generator. Roberto, you'll be great at building the articulating arm. You go, can you make us some tea? Yes. Yeah. And this will pay off in another scene or two, but for the moment, I was like, all right,

no job for the woman consistent across all mediums. Yeah. Right. All right, but eventually and pretty soon, actually, they run out of science words to say, so this evolves into a science hard montage. And then we science the shit out of some science. We did not make up a Roni meter. That was probably, I should point out that this spirit phone is the e-meter of the happy

science calls to their show now hard they worked on that thing they're going to ask you to hold on to and think happy thought you know they worked so hard because they passed out and woke up and it was built right yes like the elves came in the night that's the universal signal of the science montages over everyone's asleep and one guy still tinkering on a computer or with a very tiny screwdriver. Yeah. All right, but the montage wraps up quickly and now it's time for them to give the spirit

phone a try. Yeah, this reminds me of the time that we built a spirit phone. And it is done. Wow. Our very own spirit phone. I want to use a first. I call first. I feel like it's weird that you're here now. Yeah. No, no, no, no, because this is a flashback. So it makes sense. Oh, you know, right, right. Okay. So, okay. So you want to use the spirit phone first. Yeah, I cannot wait. I want to use a first I mean Okay, excellent You know, I didn't think Heath would go in for this kind of thing. I got a slot Nick actually Hey, buddy, guess where I'm calling you from check this out. It's a spirit phone I'm calling you from a spirit phone He he is that spirit. Is that Ryan Slotnik from evil giraffe? I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone

Slotnik is alive you said I can call anyone I want want to talk to Slotnik now. I'm doing it on the spirit Seriously, dude come on. Give me that give me that hey, hey stop it. Hi Ryan. Yeah, he's gonna call you back You'll do it on literally any other phone. Bye Ryan. Bye. Bye. Did you say bye? Okay, guys, we can we can literally call anyone from history with this thing. Okay, we could call Shakespeare or Bertrand Russell or Isaac Newton. I mean, you were going to get into a yelling fight with two out of three of those people if we could be afraid. I am not. You are. 100% more. Okay, I don't even know which of those three people you think I won't get in a yelling fight with, but fine, Eli, you call somebody easy.

Hi, Jean-Bene, so you are never going to guess who this is. Literally every line I wrote after that got edited out of the show. Yeah, boy didn't every single line boy didn't. All right, so Roberto false out because that's funny, Dammit. And then they they're ready to fire the thing up. And we get this amazing line. Reuda says, if this all goes right, there should be a change in the magnetic field. That should cause something. This just cause something.

Fuck you specifics. That's right. It's a hypothesis. So robust. You you specifics. It's right. It's a hypothesis. So robust. You could debug gender studies with it. Yes. The paper clips jiggle. He's like, no, I was right, though.

I did say. I said something would happen. Literally something always happens, dude. Yeah. So now they try their spirit phone. At first, I guess they get a wrong number or something, but then you go praise because you have to pray to make the science work sometimes. Yeah, it's like the old antenna where you'd have to have your little brother stand on it

at just the right angle. Yeah, right. You need your woman and refrigerator to pray at your spirit phone. Yeah, here you go. This is where it all made sense. The reason she didn't have a job earlier is because she's the heart ring of this team, right? In the back of the heart. I don't get a hour. All right. So monkey. I got a really cool

monkey. All right. So then the spirit phone works now and they're hearing Mary had a little lamb, but you know, spirit world version. It's Thomas Edison who has opened by singing Mary had, he's like, you know, me, the Mary had a little lamb guy. I don't think Edison thought of himself as the Mary had a little lamb guy. Yeah, neither do I. Nor do I think that's how he would choose to open communication to the living realm from the seventh dimension of paradise?

Guys, just getting this together. I'm thinking children's song, no interruptions. All right. Great. That's how I'm going to open my contact with the world. Super depressing one hit wonder. Remember when I did that thing back in the 80s? Yeah.

That's all we've really big for a while. And what's great is it doesn't work. So Thomas Edison then has to be like, sorry, stupid. I'm Thomas Edison. Hey, Rue to remember me from the shaman. I feel like this is how I should have opened it. Duh, stupid.

But okay, but Thomas Edison needs help, right? He says, well, the reason I've contacted you is because there's a very serious in the, so whatever you do, make sure you, it's the best. I want him to be like, fuck, really blew it. Using all our good signal, singing Mary Had a little land. You heard every word of that, didn't you? It was crisp, right? Yeah, so yeah, but the thing cuts out and they're like,

wow, Thomas Edison needed some help. What can we do? But just then you go praise the machine back to life and a mysterious voice offers to take them to the spirit world. I thought for a second that they were gonna have to decide to kill themselves to help out Thomas Edison, this movie was gonna take a super-dark turn. Yep.

At several points during this one I was wondering, are they dead now? Have they sacrificed themselves to the God now? Yeah, okay, so but now it's time to meet God Eagle. Yep, God Eagle. Yeah. God fucking eagle. I am so in at this point, right? In case you're wondering who God Eagle is, he was the highest shaman in ancient Inka and you go nose that again, just off the top of her head. Yeah. No, she's familiar with his work. Right. She knows all of the bands from that era. He goes, my name is God, Eagle. And no one says, do you want to rethink the name?

You want to, could you be Alan? I feel like you could be Alan. Sounds, sounds much cooler and ink and to be. He is going to represent like 80% of the racial diversity of this entire movie. No, that's true. You gotta go all in on what he's got. So, yeah, so they're gonna go to the spirit world with the help of God, Eagle, but first, they'll need to meditate. And second, no, sorry, that's it. That is it. First time meditation, they get an express ticket to the spirit world.

This is bullshit. Nope, no cool aid drinking, no, nothing, right? I was curious about this Eli, because you do meditation as well, right? Like, how often does sitting up straight allow you to get freaky with God, Eagle? Not once, not one fuck. Not one fuck. Not one fuck. The meditating every fucking day for like four years, these assholes reach the spirit

realm on their first try. It's bullshit. Yeah, bullshit. This is why I fucking hate it when people spend real life money in a game. You know, they buy those golden feathers and they immediately fly up. Yeah, meditation is some pay to win bullshit. Three out of 10 dollars. You bought the spirit phone of barely even fucking counts if you bought the spirit phone. All right, but they, but yes, they follow a gold feather up to cloud dimension. Yes, we're apparently god, God eagle is doing some really serious bongrips, right? Yeah, right. Cause it's just it's cloudy all around them. And then they do this

again, just this isn't a this movie thing. This is a movie thing. They do the bit where Roberto's like, Hey, guys, look over there. And then they all look over there and a few seconds later, something is visible. Ha ha ha. Look at that thing that's going to happen. Yeah. That area looks like it has potential. Well, they are in the fourth dimension. So I think in the old cartoons where the thing that was going to move and the frame was

shaded slightly differently. Yeah. We can tell. Right. Yeah. No, it's glowing. We can interact with that. All right, so the doorway appears and they walk through it. And at first it's just more clouds, which is fucking hilarious.

I just want to be another part of the clouds. They're like, yeah, I guess that was just going to lead to why. But no, but then the clouds clear and they're in a city. And then they have a weird dick pinching moment. They do. Okay, is that are are any of us aware of this being a cultural thing or an anime thing? No. Okay, one of the characters literally just like like the way you would like chuck your

friend on the shoulder, he just reaches over and he's like, got your testicles. Okay. Yeah. So Patrick says, wow, this must be a dream. And so Roberto grabs his nuts and twists him one time and says, no, not a dream because that wouldn't hurt any dream. So can't you? I like, in America, they pinch the arm. I don't know what Japan's thing is here, but also you pinch yourself and pinching other people in the dream does not dissuade the idea of a dream. Maybe it's a maybe it's part of their meditative practice as a cult, right? You grab each other's junk and then don't be upset something. I don't.

Yeah, that's so it. They're probably was a lot in this that was just trying to normalize shit for the leader of this cult later. Like, no, it's like in the cartoon, you grab the dick to make sure you're right. And in defense of Dick grabber, right? Patrick deserves it at this point, right? Like Patrick's being the guy who 20 minutes into taking the mushrooms is like, oh, I don't really want to do this anymore.

And you're like, dude, that's not the way this works, right? Six hours. I have a fuck up son. I'm not going to pump your stomach, bro. No, we're not calling the hospital. I'll tell you what, I'll turn my phone off. You can pretend to turn it on for the next 45 minutes until you forget. There you go.

Go on, play with that Brick of Plastic. Yeah, Patrick Sica out of bodying already. He wants to go home, damn it. So then him and Roberto start fighting. And I guess if you fight while you're in heaven, you get sucked into a black hole to hell. Now luckily for them, God Eagle shows up in the last second, right?

Is the pit opens beneath them? Yep. Yeah, I fell out of my chair when bird eagle swooped it when God eagle swooped in. That was, if I had actually been on troops, I would have died at that point. That would have been the end of me for all of eternity, even normal. I was giggling uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Okay. So keep in mind, we had just heard the name God eagle up to this point. This is the first time we get to see the incredibly, he's a racist caricature that falls somewhere between Native American and Jew. So I think maybe there's some

Mormonism in this. And he has giant golden wings. And he'll just walk around in this movie like, like that's not in need of explanation. Yeah. It's, it's like Birdman in a way that even Dan Harmon wouldn't be comfortable really going. Right, but he explains to him that they're in the fourth dimensional posthumous realm, which is basically the tutorial stage of heaven. Yes, it's heaven's airport lounge. Yeah.

Yes, and this is metaphysics. It's delivered in the form of an ASRM video. Evan's airport lounge. Yeah. Yes. And this is delivered. This is metaphysics. It's delivered in the form of an ASRM video. You just quietly monologues. Slowly. What's going on? And to keep in just, okay, just once you get to explain what a douche Patrick is, right? They're showing him either God eagle showing them around heaven.

He's like, yeah, these are all a bunch of dimensions that you didn't wear. That exist in Patrick's like, aren't we fucking here to see Edison? Do we really have to fuck around in all these different heavens? He's a right. It's like, no, we can see heaven in the spirit world later. We got to go meet Thomas. If we get three o'clock appointment, if we get pushed back on Zock-Dock, I swear to God, you guys ruined my rating.

All that matters is space mountain. Stop it. I stopped taking pictures. Right. Right. That's Patrick. All the matters of space mountain stop it guys stop taking the right. Right. That's Patrick. The whole thing is the bitchy guy you took to Disney World. Yeah.

And I understand his feelings though in this particular thing because like he's described like you said, this is like the entry level. Like he says, this is like having gone to no place in particular, which really should be the tagline for this movie, right? Go absolutely nowhere at the end. All build up. No, no. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. But so, but now they're going to use their magical yellow feather to travel into a different part of the spirit world. And as soon as they got there, I was like, man, fuck, it's a water level. Yeah. I wrote, now they're on the moon. This is absolutely pose law for anyone who's watched me as aki is still it is like even

with God Eagle. I am still unsure if I'm watching spirit it away or not. Well, and I love okay, so they see this river with a bunch of people swimming across and you go just turns to God Eagle and goes, is that the river sticks? What a weird fight. I was reading a book about it last night. It was an book.. Was it exactly. Yeah. And everyone has a silver string coming out of their skulls that are attached to their bodies. Yeah. A lot of references going on here. You

just spend that big wheel of mythology and just throw something. There you go. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It is absolute hodgepodge of all the shit that guy can remember having read. Yeah. Cerberus is prancing around. And then God Eagle shows up to explain this all in painstaking detail. And I gotta say, I'd be kind of pissed if like the beginning of death was an iron man, a thon, you know, Right, they have to swim across the river and then they have to hike for a day and I have to dandelion. Fuck you, man. I just died. Some child soldier who got murdered for not sleeping with his commander shows up and

it's like, yeah, no, all you got to do is swim across. You're crying. Okay. Let me get Helen Kell around here to help you out with this. I was just thinking of, you know, folks like me and Eli would show up. You'd be like, no, I'm here because I don't do the exercise. I'm like, yeah, he's darn a trial like that. Like, we're like, we're across the fucking river. I'd still be an earth guy. Cardio, fuck you.

All right. So now after the river crossing in the Dan DeLion hike, every dead person gets to the super dome where they will watch a movie of their lives. So the first thing that you do after a say 72 year life here on earth is watching 72 year long movie of that life of your of everything you ever did and every thought you ever had significantly longer than 72 year movies. Sorry. This would not go well for me. Okay, well, that is the end of the movie. Again, I want to apologize to everyone here, did not know this movie viewing. It was going to be taken place. So yeah, question, Grandma Betty.

Hi. Those were anal beads. I said, yeah, so they did go there. No, no, that was the necklace you left my mother. So those should not have been there. Uh-huh. Yeah, well, I already said I'm sorry, grandma, so I don't really know what to tell you.

Here. here. Again, everything else that Eli wrote, God, that was originally like a nine and a half minute bit. Yeah, it was the zone episode. Yeah. Also, I have to throw up this quick line here. This is such a great example of how well translated this movie was, right? So God Eagle says this movie also includes everything he thought of to which Roberto says and I quote, you mean it also includes everything he thought of.

And then he does the best gulp thing ever. And I just want to know like what horrible truth to that young child is like, because he in his head secretly want a skin Patrick and wear him buffalo bill style. And that's what's going to come up. Oh, and okay, yeah, then we should also point out that as you're watching this movie of your entire life and all your thoughts, all your friends have to sit there and watch that shit with you. It must suck so bad to be the first in a large group of friends to die. Right, like you go and you do this for one guy and you're like, oh fuck, I'm gonna have to do this for Larry and his wife.

It's a long. God, damn it. This is Steve. Steve 400 fucking years. Me and Steve weren't even that good of friends people. Steve came to dinner once. He came to dinner once sitting in the afterlife. No, you were mad at a lot of inanimate objects like personally angry with a lot of inanimate objects. This is my note for you. So this is by far the lazy as black mirror episode I've ever watched. Where's the bit? Where's the bander snatch button for click ahead to the less boring settings. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, God. So, okay. So, and as, as God Eagle is explaining this, of course, we're watching someone watch a 72 year long movie along with his friends. And God Eagle explains that if you just have happy thoughts, you'll go to heaven. So yes, this is the religion of

send puppy picks. Please. And this is the part where I noticed that God Eagle has one of the deadest thousand eyes stairs of any animated character you've ever seen. And like he has this line about everyone that goes to hell. And it just you can tell he's seen some shit. Like he is two days away from just burning this whole system down. So you can do the heaven equivalent of grabbing a beer and hitting the emergency shoot on the airplane. Yeah.

Seriously. All right. So now he takes him up to the next level of heaven, which starts okay. The next level heaven starts with reuda laying in a field. So heaven starts with chiggers. I'm, oh, I'm itchy now that I'm in heaven great great. I'm in heaven and I'm itchy Fuck you. Why is heaven always a big dumb field? I mean, you know, I had nothing against fields But fields you're just fucking fields

Yep, and and more importantly this heaven is a is a town where everyone's nice to each other Yeah fucking Gentile heaven. And they form. Who does? Okay, so, all right. So, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. They get to heaven and he's like, hey, let's go to that town over there and Patrick goes, you should really fucking for my future, and he's like, it's goddamn heaven, you can fly

asshole. You see my wings? We're gonna fucking fly over to that town. Oh, if this was me, I'd have been like, so can we teleport? I know you're wrong. Fun. Not sure why we wouldn't just jump to the point. I was the opposite perspective. I'm like, I can fly here. All right. I'm done. You all carry on with your crazy psychosexual acid trip. Pick me up on the way back.

Yeah. If you guys got to come back through here on the way. If I can fly, right? Right. Fucking and flying is probably an option in this area. So I'll figure that out for a while. Just as long as you say thank you afterwards. Yeah, it's okay, but no one has any good ideas in this movie. So they fly over to the town along the way. They're flying past farms leading all of us to ask who the fuck gets to heaven?

And it's like, you know what? I want to do? Pumpkins gigantic pumpkins. Some people were like, nice heaven. So do I get to work the fields here? Absolutely. Mormon heaven. This, this heaven is so lame that I wrote in my notes at this point. Oh, I get it. You get to kill these people in heaven, right? You want them for sport? Won't you lame assholes? One guy in the fields, like I should have thought about dirty or shit while I was still alive. This did not work out well for me. This seems so much worse than anything, any of their hells. Yeah. And we even get this weird little thank you montage. So they're flying over and God, he goes like, this is the heaven for super nice people who say thank you all the time and

we get a montage of everyone in this town thanking each other and when they thank each other they get glowing little yellow halos. Christian Sims. Yeah, exactly right. So okay, so we fly past the happiness halos and then we get to the door to the sixth dimension, which leads me to wonder are the first two still line and plane. Right. Like what are the second and the first dimensions in this universe. I was also wondering if we're talking like 2d plus time or like what's going on here. 2d plus time or like what's going on here? Seems like a little bit,

seems like a weird shift to make there anyway. So yeah, basically what we're discovering is Earth's most boring fucking video game, right? Right, because you get a tutorial level and then you get a fucking water level and then you get a farm level where you just have to thank enough people to get your head glowing

and now we're onto the sixth level. Yeah, right. And again, movie racist, black guy tries to break down the door immediately. This is the point where you're like, I was like, holy fuck, 30 minutes. That's how far we are into this two hour movie. And I realized that the time dilation from the shrooms is really kicking in at this point. Yeah, very aware of that fourth dimension. Oh God.

But Dream Eagle explains, no, the way you get to this extension is with dreams and ideals. Mm-hmm. So Black Guy explains that he wants like a nice job and a wife and God, he goes like, Stupid Dream Boogner. Yes. He's like, stupid dream, boom, nerd. Yes.

He's like, you're dreaming the things wrong. Stick to building generators. Yeah, dreams and ideals, right? So when we get to the white guy, he's like, beyond murdering you and all your people and taking your land and then getting into white heaven, there's other dreams and ideals for me. Seems like there's a whole nother six dimensions

we didn't take from you guys. That was our bad, uh, um, and a fast destiny here. Do you have any spirit flags? So you need a blanket. All right. So, but Roberto, yeah, he wants things wrong. So they all think harder. Um, and also, by the way, as they're thinking harder about their ideals and everything, everyone gets wider. Right? There is definitely an element of Mormonism here. Oh, yeah. They're all moving towards super Saiyan. So the door opens because they thought, right? And then they go into the same thing. Oh, and because they're advanced, right? We get this thing about them being, right, with which mathematically, they can't all be advanced, right? Not all getting participation trophies as we're going to find out right?

Well, the six dimension is participation trophy dimension really that's what we're going to find out right? We haven't gotten to the meritocracy heaven yet. Yeah, exactly, but we will. All right, so they get into the realm of light. They walk through a bunch of fucking starship enterprise inspired tunnels. And they all like, I guess split off at this point, right? Patrick finds himself in a lab. Yep. Yeah. So somebody took a hit of Salvia, which explains why the tunnel thing is happening. Right. Yeah. And and and got eagle to not warn them not to look directly into the sixth dimension. So they're probably all going to have eye damage now. Yeah.

And by the way, just a little side note, all of the things that are being invented by the heaven scientists and the sixth dimension are things that the happy science cult will sell you. So like, there's a, there's a pre-deceased device, which is very clearly just a bobsled. They covered in plastic and there's a perfect energy machine, which, uh, a guy who founded the cult and is the main character was like, Hey, British, I figured out free energy. Can you guys give me some uranium so I can figure out

every energy everyone and Japan was like, no application for your radium denied. And he was like, aw, you guys are. Sure. I've seen the illness sensor on the cover of Goop though. I'm pretty sure. You. Retails a little high for me personally. Well, yeah, if you do want a Bob's lead, it'll tell you that you're white that they have this. Yeah. Okay. So Patrick, you see in that Roberto's

see the free energy machine. So and then we learned basically that the sixth dimension is like it's heaven, but for people who know their shit, right? It's like the celebrity line in airport security of heaven. Yeah. My hell and Noah's heaven is what I have it right now. You spend all your favorite eternity discovering new science. I just wanted one me walking around the lab going, oh my God, boy. You guys wanted to end up at work. Oh, yeah. It's lunch. At first, I'm like, I wouldn't want to be a part of any heaven that would have me as a member when I'm thinking about like the things that I'm good at, like philosopher heaven.

Fuck no, no, thank God. But then I realized that means there's probably an oral sex heaven here somewhere and I am super okay with that. Right. I would definitely not like sign the slip that gets me into oral sex having. Please, get you're going to get you go to that whatever heaven you're in to come on. I mean, I mean, like if I get to go to mouth stuff heaven and all I have to do is believe in like a vague religious oneness, that's basically what I was doing growing up in a universalist

church anyway, right? That's a lock-in from ages 13 to 17. Yeah, because it's what people do during their lifetime and I just wrote, dude, does this mean we end up in podcasts haven't, because I can really honestly say I would rather go to hell. And some guy being like, so what, Mike, you work? I don't know.

There's a big line to talk to Dan Carlin. There's not a big line to talk to the sword and scale guy because. So I am just gonna sit here. I don't know what mixture this is. No, I don't. Who's going to magic heaven? So God Eagle says, yeah, all these people are experts in their field that have one thing in common. They're not filthy atheists.

Yep. And then he digs into the divine light thing like that hippie spirit will stand in for any idea that tries to marry irreconcilable God concepts into a singular entity and gets there by knowing as little as possible about those God concepts. I literally just wrote, he's going to tell me what words mean in Greek, isn't he? God is a glowy jellyfish. I don't see the problem personally. Makes sense, right?

As much sense as any other concept, I guess. At this point, the animation quality starts to drop pretty precipitous level to level. Like, I feel like you can see the budgets dwindling. Yeah, right. Dimension eights going to just be like South Park pretty much. See, they did this way before into the spiderverse. All right. So then they get to the arch de Triomphe. Okay, this is the weirdest way to open the scene. It's got all these characters standing in front of an archway that's, I don't know, 85 feet

wide. And God Eagle says, this is called the narrow gate. Yes. This is the heavenly butthole. Nobody gets it. Not even on your birthday and your friends like, oh, yeah, I get it in this gateway all the This is the heavenly butthole. No one gets it. Not even on your birthday. And your friends like, oh yeah, I get in this gateway all the time.

And you're like, you, no, you don't. Oh, come on. Everybody knows it's the best gate. You just got to warm it up and then get an imperial slow. Stroll. Which is exactly what they do. Well, and what's amazing is he goes,

you have to heal and cure 10 people to retrieve this level of heaven. And I was like, oh, what a cool theology. Like if you helped 10 people in your life, nope, not in your life right now. Yes. I was like, how do you define a heal? Like broadly enough, I could knock this out in an afternoon. Well, yeah, exactly. But yes, they, okay, so apparently now they had, they just have it the ready, rooms full of 10 sick people right in heaven.

Who are the sick people in heaven? Is it evenly dispersed? Like, are you going to get a room full of people who've got the flu and they just need super crackers? I get there and a bunch of childhood leukemia patients just like, oh, well kids, let's hope laughter is the best medicine. Who wants to rest? And what is like some group of people are sick that's not evenly divisible by 10 is one guy going to be, yeah, a lot of fucking questions here. Yeah, and at the beginning of this, you get another long, long, weirdly awkwardly long shot of God Eagles 10,000 yard the beginning of this, you get another long, long, weirdly, awkwardly long shot

of God Eagles 10,000 yard stare, where I just like, my theory is the reason these hospitals exist, it's because he's got to manage these dimensions of pain for people to be suffering in, like some Native American mother Theresa so that everyone who comes along has a chance to save 10 people and go to the next level of white heaven. Yeah, right, right. You get all the way up and then they're like, oh, finally, I've gotten to the 10th dimension. Like, yeah, no, it's just being a sick person for somebody in the sixth trying to get to the seventh.

It's not all it's crack. That's the circles around fish, fish, fish, a theory of heaven. So now we get a montage of Ryu to actually helping helping people and Yuko nodded all help. I get they could not make this character more worthless. Riyota invents a robot bed that functions as a wheelchair and collapsible crutches, which seemed like a bad idea. That's a little bit of bad idea, right? And Yuko is making beds and opening windows.

Yeah. And this whole time, it really does feel like an elaborate ruse for collecting these people's souls and what little bit of vital fluids remain in their elderly bodies. Like, this is clearly training montage for the children who are later going to be like desiccating and drinking their own parents in this cult. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not going to say a lot for the guy who are later going to be like desiccating and drinking their own parents in this cult. Yeah, I was going to say I'm not going to say a lot for the guy who's at the head of this cult, but one thing's for sure is that he takes good care of his bodily fluids. Ain't nobody getting to those.

All right. So now they've taken care of 10 people and it's time to see if they get to go into the angel dimension. So they walk through a wildly different gate than the one they were standing in front of before. Like they know they didn't need new animation, right? And hey, credit where credit is due. This movie literally never teases anything

that they don't deliver. They're like, well, seventh heaven boom, you get to see seventh heaven Jesus, the inside of Jesus' butthole boom, you're in there. You will never be promised anything that this movie doesn't deliver except for resolution, which I guess. Well, yeah, I mean, they never offered like there was going to be one, right? I don't think I promised that.

Yeah, exactly. So, okay, so now it's time for all of them to walk through the gate and Ryuna and Yuko walk right through because they're Japanese, but Patrick and Roberto are white and black. They didn't have peer intentions. You see when they were taking care of their 10 sick people, it's the best. God, he goes like, yes, sorry. You guys are going to have to wait here in eternity.

You guys are dinks. Yeah. So, and then he just leaves them there in in front in a white abyss where they gateway they cannot cross through just like, you guys are hanging out, you guys are fine hanging out here for an undetermined amount of time in a universe where you can slip into hell by stubbing your toe. Right. And when they complain, right, he gives them like some version of ghost writers, penitent stare or the app like you're annoying aunt who you never visit quite enough and like shouldn't you have hung out with

these like shouldn't you have fluffed that pillow a little bit harder. That's why you don't go to a special heaven. Yeah. Yeah. I assume that now that he's separated the children to God Eagle will start to eat them right? That's the next stage of this horror movie, usually consumed their flesh and taste their power. Sort of. Yeah. Okay. So now it's time to join Ryuda in the seventh dimension, which is great inventors and business

tycoons heaven. It's business man heaven. It's getting very cherry to the gods up in here. Oh my god. Ted Dyson is going to show up in a second. Tell me about Star Gates. It is amazing, this vision of, because it is literally just businessmen dicks.

Like they got the guy who founded Panasonic, who the Japanese call the God of Management, but literally everyone else understands is the God of overworking people literally to death. They got the guy who founded Toyota. And of course, Thomas Edison. Well, he's right, right. Okay.

So yeah, billionaires are more angelic than doctors or artists or anything like that. That's what this movie has to tell us, right? Like because God Eagle even says at one point, he's like, I bet you didn't expect angels to be douchebag billionaires. You never thought angels wore business soups. Did you distracted the surplus labor? Yes. And everyone else is just like, yeah, no, I did not,

did not think that. I mean, really, I wouldn't have guessed it myself, but Edison as white Jesus does tie a lot of things together conceptually speaking, right? Yeah. Really does explain a lot of the Western world. If you think about it. Right. So, yeah.

So now, Thomas Edison comes floating down on an angel chair of some sort. Right. And we're like, okay. They're going to pay off the Thomas Edison thing. But before we do that, we have to go to girl heaven. Girl heaven. Separate but equal. Oh. we do that we have to go to girl heaven. Girl heaven. Separate but equal.

Oh, and this is again, this is where this movie gets because it's good. It's crazy, but this movie is like, hey, lean on in here. All right. That's how fucking crazy we are. By the way, when she gets to girl heaven, she's just on this island alone and I wanted so badly for like a soaking wet Idris Elba to come out of the waters. He's got three tongues coming out of her mouth. I'm just like, all right, Yuko, I get you girl.

Yeah, unfortunately female heaven is just spa day. Right. Gender, infantilism, all it gets you is sitting around. Look, this very is pretty places for you to stand and think about men who are doing productive things like spa days and heart rings. That's all you get, ladies. Yep. Well, this is where she meets her first angel, the one, the only Helen Keller.

Helen Keller. Helen Keller shows. The- The Helen Keller, who you go introduces by going, who spent a lifetime fighting deafness and blindness. Um, no, no she did not. Yeah. I mean, she was deaf and blind, but she wasn't trying to cure either of those things. And then she meets another angel, Florence night and

gal. I was my note here is literally just Florence night and gal. I am weeping with laughter. I cannot see the movie. Yeah. Are there no famous Japanese women, right? Is Carla Johansson going to play every character? Right. Oh, God, yeah, the, the silliness just ramps up exponentially from here on. But meanwhile, Patrick and Roberto are still bitter that they didn't get to go to cool kids. Heaven. Yeah, it's just me and Heath watching Noah on the atheist experience. Well, I wanted to go to the college. I could have made the time. It's easy. Black dude's pretty cavalier about like he doesn't get to go anywhere and he has no idea what's coming next, right?

Like as far as these people know, at the end of the waiting, they're going to some kind of pain dimension, but he just doesn't seem to give a shit. Nope, nope, but they are having to start to have some pretty dark thoughts. And like so as they start arguing at one point, Patrick goes, you know what? Maybe God isn't fair after all. And then at that point, as though to prove Patrick's point, the ground opens up under them and they land in hell. Yep. And I love the visual right before this where they're getting angry and they're fighting. And like evil Venom symbiote starts to grow out of the top of their hands like like Tim Curry from Ferngully is going

to show up and save this movie. And like if Tim Curry's character from Ferngully had shown up, that would have made sense in this movie. Like nothing was beyond normal at this point. No, not a generation of kids that pollution was gay. So. All right. So then they show up in and hell and I had this character down originally as wild bill headcock. Their hell guide. Oh, yeah, that's that family it.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly, but it will be so much. I'm going to save the reveal for when they give it to you. Oh, absolutely. But it's going to be way better than the niche I put him in. So all right, but yes, they follow the cackling evil guy. They met in hell. That seems like a good idea.

Yeah, and I had some problems with believability here because like they just follow them. Like where is the kid tested Eli approved windowless van that balance wants and should clearly have to shift the children into his murder basement. All right. So meanwhile back in heaven, Thomas Edison is filling Reuda in on the plot a little bit. We learn here that normally Edison hangs out in the eighth dimension. He's a little too good for a seventh dimension bullshit, but he's willing to stoop to Reuters level this time. Oh, it's amazing. And this is a real scene of the movie. Reuters like, Hey, didn't you bring me here because of the spirit phone and Thomas Edison's reply is literally,

Hey, chill out. Okay. We're gonna, gonna talk some more about reincarnations and science and bullsh**. No, no, not and. No, the science of reincarnation, as he says, that's what we're gonna talk about. Yeah, do you know my reincarnation? This is certainly, suddenly becomes an episode of Be Reasonable. He's a... Ha ha ha ha.

This is where we learned that Thomas Edison was Gutenberg and Psylon. Yeah, no, he invented paper, printing, and light also that people could study their Bible so their Buddhist teachings better, you see. I wanted him, I wanted him to be like, and obvious because he goes and printing led to spreading the Bible and I wanted him to be like, so my bed on that one, right? And then he says a line that I again, I watched this movie first. I bet would literally kill Noah. The essence of science is convenience. Oh, there were show me anytime the word science appeared in a sentence.

I died a little bit. Right. Science is convenience. You know, like when you buy CBD to convenience store and then you pretend it works while watching this movie. Science. convenience store and then you pretend it works while watching this movie. He says at one point that science is a means to advance ourselves spiritually. He says science is in danger because no one believes in God anymore. This is also where he says that his spirit phone is a Columbus egg, which is so many layers

of nonsense in a single sentence. It's the onion of nonsense. So what he means is it's like a way to find out who knows the truth. But a Columbus egg is a bullshit story about Columbus cheating at a bar bet that has nothing to do with knowing things. It's it's just too much. It's a parfait of acid. Right. You've taken enlightenment and salvation and you've turned it into an Easter egg. You are a dick god. Oh yeah. Okay. And it's also worth noting it because I wasn't familiar with the term columbus egg before I saw this.

But apparently it's the obscure term for like something that seems obvious in retrospect after someone else discovered it, right? Like, you know, the, the, the new world is, is the example. And no, right? Like, like, okay, so that's not, oh, also adding to this onion parfait of nonsense thing that we've got going. It's also just it, you can't, you can't apply that to something that hasn't been invented yet. Yes, but the message that we're getting from this, okay, is of that, of course, that the religious leader for this cult is kind of like Edison, Copernicus, and

Galileo. I'll put together, if you think about it. Right. If you watch our movie, yeah. Yeah. And despite being all of those scientific heroes, the most important thing is spirit, right? This is, we get some of the worst pushback on materialism I've ever heard and I felt very guilty listening to all of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha fucking rough. Okay, so meanwhile, back in Lady heaven, angels from all this, they're showing you go around, they're like, look, angels from all the various religions are here not blowing each other up, huh? Look, getting together. Well, I really want to see how that works out with Islam just like, yeah, and I know your book is super clear, but we all get together here. So if you could just, I, I would love

for you to just newsweek this. Okay. Thank you. It's not a problem because this is clearly all the angels every white religion. Yeah, exactly. Not as mixed as you might suggest. And of course, Yuko is just like, wow, if everybody joined our cult, there'd be no more conflict or wars. Huh? And everyone's like, yep, that's exactly what would happen if everyone just joined our cult. And then flow night chimes in, right? She's like, oh, well, you know, the angels of this dimension are all hard at work promoting the philosophy of this cult that this cartoonism. And like, I'm just saying, those are shitty angels, right? Like this cartoon is literally their best effort today. These are shitty angels.

Yeah. The angels keep you from freaking out when you die. There's a little montage of like angels in a semi circle around a guy being like, hey, hey, you're dead. Allen, come on, don't. Don't poop in your hand and throw it at us, Allen. Okay. Okay, you're throwing poop.

You're throwing poop. And we also find out that some of the angels get reincarnated by like parachuting into wombs like a D day. Yeah. Great. Adam bomb dropping shot of one of the angels. And then there's this weird check.

Apparently sometimes the angels go down the hell to try to talk people into going to heaven. So we get this weird shot of an angel talking down a demon with a knife. Yes. It's the best. Yes, it's the buzz. God, that's fucking weird. The demon was trying to hold him up for some demon crack, you know, I guess no, I'm not going to give you the five. I know how you're going to spend it. It's madness. Come on.

Yeah. Of course, this all leads us to the argument from listen to your heart. Do we mention that Mother Teresa shows up, but young, hot Mother Teresa though, not the old lady Mother Teresa. Young, hot didn't torture people for a living Mother Teresa. And another word, the third angel. And I really did think we were going to get Asian female worth mentioning. Like did nobody Google Japanese female figure?

Are there literally no one worth talking about? Is it all white ladies? I mean, I have Google Japanese female figures and got very different results. Probably while watching this movie, I assume. All right. Well, this is the fucking listen to your heart. You know it to be true speech. And I got to be honest, usually when I've listened to that speech in the past, I've gotten

at least a hand job afterwards. So we're going to pause for a quick self-care break. But first, let me give you the act three of the heart cell here. Will are heroes managed to save the mortal dimension from Hitler's elephant monster? Am I making that up? Isn't it weird that you can't tell? Fight out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the utterly bat-shit conclusion of the laws of eternity. Eli, are you ready, man? We have to work- Oh Jesus, dude!

What? Casual Friday! Okay, one, we don't work in an office too. It's not Friday and three, even if it was, and we did, casual Friday is not just your underwear. You sound like my old manager at Chuck E. Cheese. I mean, you don't know. Dude, you need some new underwear. You look like you're wearing a potato sack. Yeah, I guess I could use some new stuff, but it's not the same. You know, it's

the same. Not necessarily. Have you tried Mac Weldon? Oh, is that that guy? He keeps inviting over. Nope. Nope. That's a different thing. Mac Weldon is a premium men's essential brand that believes in smart design and premium fabrics. Premium fabrics. You mean, like, like, they make underwear out of gold? Nope. I do not mean gold. Look, they let us give it a try and ordering essential socks and underwear was a breeze, not to mention they're the most comfortable I've ever worn. I don't know, no, ordering underwear on the internet. I kind of like to try them on and store to know if I want them, you know? Do you? Really? That's horrifying. Well, Mac Weldon wants you to be comfortable. So if

you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they'll still refund your money. No questions asked. Really? Because I get a lot of questions when I do that at Target. I bet you do. Well, for 20% off your first order, visit Macwellden.com and enter promo cold awful. That's promo code awful at checkout. Wow, 20% off my first order. All right. I'll give it a try. So long, old, eight, well, please don't. Ah, there we go. Wow, your junk is the monster from bird I have heard that. Hahahaha! Aaron Rabbi, welcome to heaven. Wow, heaven. Aaron, I am the world famous scientist Thomas Edison.

I want you to meet all the highest angels Toyota, Panasonic, Steve Jobs. Those guys are all Dicks, like literally ideal stealing Dicks. Forgive me, that's your legacy too. Shouldn't like Nikola Tesla be here or something? Oh, no, Aaron. Heaven is for winners. Winners? That's right, Aaron, winners.

See, Nikola was a genius, He is for winners. Winners? That's right, Aaron. Winners. See, Nikolai was a genius, but he also tried to build a death ray and then held a press conference where it didn't work. Ah, give me a minute, give me a minute. Then when I stole his ideas about electricity, instead of accepting the minimal bonus I offered, he tried to take it on the road and sell it door to door. So I held a bunch of events where I used his technology to kill an elephant. That's the man with the dangerous electricity. No, no, it's actually very bad. Listen to me, listen to me.

And of course, he did die alone and penniless trying to fuck a pigeon while people today are still paying a power bill with my name on it. I don't think I'm gonna like heaven. Yeah well don't worry you're not gonna be here long. Really did try to fuck a pigeon I did. Didn't his memoir or pigeon. And we're back for more of this shit and you could be forgiven at this point in the episode. If you thought to yourself, Hey, these guys sold this to me as way crazier than it actually

is. But don't worry, the crazy is backloaded in this and to give you an idea of just how bad it really is, we're going to rejoin Reudeth in the seventh dimension, the man heaven part. He's in the lab and he ut orders this actual line to open the scene mister edison you're the god of science to which edison replies no that was actually

that that's it the premier science of the premier scientist of Atlantis. Get it up, cherry to the gods, here we go. So were you waiting for the crazy? You were still waiting for the crazy?

You got the fucking crazy. Edison really does pull a, oh please, God of science is my father. Yeah, you're right. You can call me Tom. Tom. You can call me Tom. Yeah, so we get to thoth who is an Egyptian God. So we assume is going to have a really cool head, but no, turns out also played by Scarlett Johansson.

Yes, actually, yes, it turns out. Basically a more racist nutty professor this moving. Oh my God. He just lists the craziest collection of high gods. He's got La Mou, a bunch of people that he appears to have made up. Buddha, it's fucking nuts. Yeah, he goes into discordianism at some point. I'm like, if this is going to turn out to be a giant discordian prank, then I will

go right right. And then that was Mickey Mouse or something. I would be like, oh, okay, you got me. You guys got me. But yeah, but what we're learning here is that there is one spirit above them all who is the great spirit who was booted at one point or herm is at another point, the leader of this cult at another point, but his spirit name is called El Contare, which is the name of their highest God feels like a challenge at a Mexican restaurant to get your picture

on the world. If you only Google one thing from today's episode, make it Elk and Tari. Oh, man. And I had to Google it. And like, I'm pretty good on obscure gods. Did that like never heard of this? And it turns out the reason is we've now entered the dimension of them making up their own bullshit instead of stealing some other person's bullshit.

We have reached new bullshit now. Well, in the fact that the Japanese guys name for the Super God is the modern Spanish for the singer, that explains why you kind of had to go back to the well, the other people's thoughts so often. Yep. People make the lamest cults so lame. Try harder, do more drugs and then invent a better God. Oh, right. Like if me and Aaron started a cult, it would be a very original cult. That's all the ass. Oh, the list is clear.

I've already started a cult. Like I have a cult. It's a void related cult. They're great. I love them shout out to all my voidlings, right? They are way cooler than this, right? There is no gender essentialism and a lot more fucking. Well, there you go, how yellow are they? Right, but so Edison tells Reuda about the eighth dimension.

He's like, ah, the ninth dimension is where Elk and Tari live, and he's like, oh, I want to go to the ninth dimension. He's like, oh, slow your fucking roll, buddy. All right. Thomas Goddamn Edison, and I can't go to that dimension. But you can go to the eighth dimension, and it's really nice there, but there's only one way to get there. And Reuters like, ooh, is it like a labyrinth or a series of great trials? You say, no, it's a wonky Vader, actually. I have a, I made a spiritual elevator.

Yeah. Right. You know, puts the everlasting gobs stopper on the table. And we everyone cheers. Oh, he gets in to go up to the eighth dimension. Really hoped there was music when he gets in. Oh, that's right. Well, the thing is, isn't it the entire movie was scored by music? So we wouldn't have known. Yep. We're going to get some serious elevator music at some point. You know, those comments just not quite yet. We got to save that. It's really good and important. So we got to save it for like the last 20 minutes.

It took several times and like, yeah, you didn't think there were three songs yet in this movie. There are. All right. The musical it turns out. Yeah. Exactly. In the third act. All right. Meanwhile, back in Lady Heaven,, exactly. In the third act. All right. Meanwhile, back in Lady heaven, you goes wondering why she's in this movie. Right. And Helen Keller explains she needs to start a wacky cult in Japan. Yeah. For her husband does it the very least because they said also you're supposed to marry

Riyuda. Um, yes, she's getting, she's getting training for how to stand in subways next to what a stands of pamflits, I think Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Pretty much your life now. No, stand and smile. Stand and smile. Yes. There's an amazing Miss translation here. She says you were born with the person you'll marry. I wrote, okay, now this is anime. I've seen this. We're back in my zone now. Well, look, this is a God's embodied in human beings called their rate of incest is very high.

Let's be rough. I just find the essence. There are no steps between Egyptian gods and incest. They are already there. All right. And by the way, we should point out here because we haven't pointed it out yet. Heaven in this vision is about as fond of lens flare as JJ Abrams. Yes.

There is so much of this movie. I watch all the movies on the on my TV, like in my home. And there's so much just white filling the screen or yellow filling the screen that I switched to my laptop to see if I was like sitting in a wrong angle. It was not. Yeah. You know how like the last few moments when you die, you experience your entire life, right? This is the JJ Abrams version of that, right?

All of it just together. It was. All of it lensed where yeah. All right. So you to head to Lady Heaven and he picks up a Ugo in his walk ofator. And then they hit to a crystal city with a giant hourglass, the eighth dimension, the shiniest of all the dimensions. Yeah. Seems awfully breakable for a dimension.

We've really gotten to some sick visuals though, right? I wasn't like, I was feeling the body high, but I wasn't really getting the tracers yet. And now we're starting to get there. Yeah. So, and then of course, Einstein is there. Yes, Albert Einstein is highest level head. And they're like, what are you doing here? Albert Einstein is like, no,

I'm just doing the contact thing. I'm spe in Einstein's. So confused. Aren't you a Japanese cult? Like, I don't like calling people race trader, but at this point, I'm just really confused. Oh, and this is where he describes himself as not Albert Einstein, but more as a luminous substance

who excels at physics. Right. But he's a luminous substance who excels at physics. Right. But he's not luminous. Ha ha ha. Well, he is at one point because he becomes infinite Albert Einstein. Well, okay, he says I can split up into infinite numbers and then he demonstrates this by splitting into a very much finite number. 40 or 50, I guess.

Yeah, so we're so 40 to 50 rates. I thought you were good at math. I'm coming on. I also thought you were luminous. You're real. If this movie had finished with a Hall of Mirrors fight against Albert Einstein, this becomes your favorite movie. Well, it's not like the fight that it ends on is not better than that though. Right? Like I was true. I don't think there's a lot of ways to improve this movie. Nothing can be done to improve the final fight in it. That's fair.

That is a fair. But yeah, I mean, he's pretty much counting Einstein's like it's a Trump inauguration crowd. It's not believable. Right. There's white boards. It doesn't look infinite because of all the white clouds, but. Right. And this should have been a warning about always going to come next because the

science that comes next is going to match his counting abilities. Oh, God. We're talking about the goldfish analogy here. Yeah. He explains that there's no time in that dimension. And you can see these animated characters be like, I mean, there is because you just said a thing and now there's a hundred orders'm so this is what every episode of philosophers and spaces exactly like, like, like, floating nonlinear times to Thomas is like, I'm like, no, Thomas think of it like three goldfish. And he's like, dude, I think there's things are moving through time. And I'm like, I got nothing.

Yeah. All right. So, yeah, but here's the, okay, but here's the thing though is that his analogy is the op, it's an anti-nailogy, right? Yeah. Right? Because he's like, no, there's no time. So imagine these three goldfish one represents the past and one represents the future and one

represents the present. And he's like, is that supposed to help? He's like, it was supposed to help. It didn't help. Now there are fish in here. I mean, like, what was so crazy was he starts off by like imagine like a bubble, right? And I'm like, okay, he's going to do, you know, the hyper-dimensional, for your bubble theory of non-linear time.

And he's like, and now imagine three goldfish in it. I'm like, wait, wait, where are you going? Where are you going? Back it back on the path. That's great. And he gets lost in his own analogy here. He goes, I was just in the 30th century, where I will create a time machine, which I will use to go to have been in the past. So make this sentence, make sense.

Yeah, right. Period. Therefore, sentence is over. And like, you didn't need to do Yeah, right. Period. Therefore, sentence is a whole thing. And like, you didn't need to do this, right? Einstein, it was quoted as saying he believed in Spinoza's God. And Spinoza's God is a pan-psychist. God exists everywhere. And like, you could have just done the thing he actually believed. Yeah, you could just throw up. It's a fucking goal.

Whoa. Yeah, you could just throw up a fucking goldfish. All right, so, but, but just as like quickly before Albert Einstein has to make any of this shit makes sense, God, eagle shows up. Yeah, we got it. We got to go get your friends. Your friends got to know. This is the thing. I'm not doing keys. You're jingling keys.

Come on. We get your friends. Right. And we get, we get a question here for a second about whether the woman folk are gonna get to come along Yeah, right like killing demons as man's work. It's so amazing cuz she he's like no you go. It's too dangerous How the fuck do you know how dangerous is you've been in heaven for 30 minutes? And how is it any more dangerous than leaving her with Einstein a well-known any more dangerous than leaving her with Einstein, a well-known flanderer, like a well documented willing to sleep around with

anything that would go to bed with him individual. Well, and beyond that, look, the last time you left someone alone here, they got sucked into hell for bitching about something, right? So yeah, I feel like the best thing to do is to keep you go nearby. Right, you go, it's going to be like, I'm not sure you're goldfish thing. Go to hell. All right. But eventually they agree a letter a couple of months. So God, Eagle, Ruda, and you go take the wonk ofator down to hell. We are going full Dante here. They're going to take us

through the various levels of hell. We start off in the hell of strife. This is where people of, uh, full of anger go, where Noah and I will end up. Nice. Well, I feel like I'm going to get a place right on the border of that and the hell of the bloody pond where debauched people go. Yeah. I just, because they, they say the hell of the bloody pond and I go, oh, oh, people who have period sex. I yes, it is, by the way. I thought we were really shorted on the hell of the bloody pond. Like we could have get some really good close-ups of some hentai going on there, and they did not get us any details.

They also specifically pointed out with the hell of violence, it's the hell of violence, and also verbal violence, which means somewhere there is a hell of centrist tweeting that words can't be all like that exists somewhere in this fucking world. All right, and then they passed through those hills and now they're going down to the deep hills where all the demons live, right? We're going to prove once again that the inferno is the best part of the divine trilogy. Nobody reads pergadoria paradesio because they're boring Kevin is boring show me the demons hell yeah

All right, so then okay, but god eagles like oh hey if we're going to this part of hell you guys are gonna want these Jawa cloaks so you'll fit in right? Let's try not to stand out God equal I am an eagle that is a human, that is a God. Try not to do anything that would draw attention to yourself. And we find out that there's a base camp for the angels that are headed up. Right? Everest base camp on the way down.

What a war zone are you taking these children into? God eagle. Like, you're going to traverse Yemen or something like. Since they, yeah, so yeah, so we're all gonna do the Jedi thing, right? These are not the higher dimensional beings you're looking for. Exactly. Right. Okay. So then we, we, they find Patrick and Roberto in a Geantry. It's pretty easy. There's just the one tree and how. So then we realized that that Sam Elliott character is actually

Nietzsche and we learn that because and we learn that because the subtitles come up and say hey I'm Nietzsche right? It's not the worst pronunciation of a famous figure we're going to get in this movie, but it's one of the worst. Exactly. They can got they cannot get any of the proper nouns correct, right? They fuck up every proper noun from here on out. To be fair, when I try to spell Nietzsche every time I also spell it Nietzsche and then have to go look it up.

So like I'm sympathetic to the guy who was typing like he didn't want to have to stop this horrible movie to Google how to spell this properly. Yeah, I mean, I usually throw some asses and some z's and some h's around together and like fucking spell check gets it, right? Like I can get it close enough that spell check can take me the rest of the way. You mean the guy I wanted to fuck his sister, right? Yeah, the guy I wanted to fuck his sister, right? Yeah. The guy who wanted to fuck his sister, the whole book about fucking a sister.

Yeah. And we start getting some lecturing here from Nietzsche, right? And you get the impression that before this scene, right, he forced Patrick and Roberto to sign a thing that says that God is dead and like, I literally wrote, now Reuto is going to debate him and all the demons are going to collapse. Not knowing that I can see the God damn future. David A.R.

What they this fucking called these David A.R. White God damn it. And what's so amazing about niche is that he gives the exact same monologue that Thomas Edison did. Yes. He's like, yeah, join us. We will create a new world based on truth. But I'm the bad guy you contend because my tones are darker. So yeah, okay.

Yes. Then we see a series of cuts of all the evil atheists that are fucking the world up, which apparently they all have evil atheist smoke rising from their heads. This is literally the clips they give us, a professor, a Buddhist monk, and a lawyer for the FFRF. Yes, a woman saying freedom of religion means freedom from religion as well.

Yes. Yep. And the other major quote here was right, they hate the idea that minds come from brains, right? But yeah, the freedom from religion and freedom from not believing is also freedom. Like what else does that mean besides freedom from not believing in religion, right? Like, that's the baseline.

Yeah. And what I love is Riyota, who has learned the truth of the universe 34 seconds ago is like, I just learned this three minutes ago, but you are wrong. Yeah, right. Well, in his argument, as you can tell it's wrong because atheism makes people unhappy. Yeah, the freedom that makes people unhappy as an actual advocate of denying free will, I feel repeatedly attacked by this movie.

I feel judged in everyone. Well, you know, burning your hand, your skin burning when you touch a hot stove makes people unhappy. So that's not true either. Jesus fucking stupid ass Christ. Anyway, yeah. So Atheist speak from hell. That's how you can tell that they're wrong, right?

Because you even says at one point, he's like, I don't know who's right and wrong, but I know you're in hell, so that that's a big hint. Which to be fair, nailed it. Yeah, I know. Reuna defeats Satan, Echie with the power of his confident dressing down. It's a little bit of prosperity gospel, right? The poor's deserve it. Makes perfect sense, right? Why would you know, if you wanted to be better, you could be. But here you are, Godding is deading all the time. That's gone. It's on you.

Yeah, exactly. So, okay. And then, all right. So they defeat Nietzsche. And then, Ely, why don't you take this? Why don't you tell us what element enters the movie after Nege retreats? It's an elephant dinosaur. The spiritual monster behemoths. And of course, he is being ridden, he's last commanded, by Hislur. Hislur? Hislur. Is that like, her slur in hisler? I had a whole moment where I was like, is Hitler copyrighted? Is there a death, like, can you get a defamation case against you if you say shit about it. It's Trump's America.

I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. But yes, Hitler is here with his dinosaur elephant to whip Runezans. Yeah, he looks like the graphics that you're particularly horrifying though. And then like the elephant looks like someone's nephew, like, threw it in the afternoon. Like, it's weird because everything around it looks like it was drawn relatively properly. But like this one thing looks like polygons. It's so weird.

Also, Hitler is drawn really weird. He's like super wide. Yeah. Okay. So, guys, I just read, this is the sentence I wrote in my God, damn notes. The sentence is, so Hitler orders a dinosaur elephant to kill God, Eagle. There's nowhere to go from here. Like I feel like not only must the show end now, but my life as well. It's the series finale of all of our shows was when Hitler commands

behemoth the evil elephant to shoot fire and poison smoke at God. And this movie gets weirder. We are not at the end. We're not. Right. The next line for me is get him Indian Gandalf. So like the paradox of this movie is every moment is going to be weirder and simultaneously the weirdest thing you've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But and then of course, Nichey throws out his catchphrase, right? So God Eagle tries to fight behemoth, but behemoth fucks him up. And Nichey starts yelling out, God, he's dead. God, he's dead because it's's Nichi, right? Get it? Right. So it's all his life.

It's just one pony, right? Just ride that pony. Yeah, exactly. He calls that out way too often. He's gonna get us talking too. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Finally, God is dead! Pfft. Pfft. The truth shall never die. Finally, God is dead! The truth shall never die. NOOOOO!

They've escaped! Nichi, can I talk to you for a second? Ah sure, Hitler, what's up? Look, I am just as disappointed as you are. That they got away, but you're saying God is dead way too early way too often. What? Me? Really? Yeah, like you were going God being dead when God eagle ran in the behemoths head. You know, that's true. I didn't. I didn't. So like next time, why don't we just wait? You'll do like really make sure God is dead before we say God is dead, okay?

Okay. Yeah. No, that's a good note. I got it. Okay. I got it good Also your Amazon order came really I wasn't expecting it until South day This is what I'm talking about Nietzsche. You know what I heard at the moment it came out of my mouth what I heard at the moment it came out of my mouth. Yeah, this is not the last time he's gonna, he's gonna miss fire on that. So, but now it's time for, okay, so God eagles down for the count. Reuda's gonna have to kick that dyno elephants, ask himself, but luckily, he knows how to call fourth Johnny Saco.

It's a, is it the power ranger? Oh, but the man shows up. It's very unclear. He yells the truth will not die. And then a giant robot shows up and is like, Hey, how's it going? And Ryuko, Ryuko isn't even surprised. He's like, finally my giant gob friend, robot.

Is he here? Yeah, it's almost a mech. I mean, I guess we'll like give it to them, but I feel like team Edison could have been a little bit more technological in the giant robot. Maybe put some armor on them and look, we're never going to get to talk about this in any other movie. So I might as well say it now. Can I just say it's always weird when the good guys summon one of the worst balanced animals in the world to help them out? Yeah. Do I have some? I mean, do you have a creature with one leg? Cause that would be worse. But I'm not that human. Weird.

What's weird? Here is this news boy, Metal Ocolypse reboot is actually pretty good. Right. The Hitler saying thing is really going to play well as satire. This is a religion. This religion is equal parts, hippie weed reflections and Voltron. And I'm going to be fair. I'm a huge sucker for for Beck combat and drugs. So like and panpsychism. So really like, I mean, this is, this is the top of my, if I have to be religious, this, this religion is the top of the list right now, you know, oh, absolutely. It's my favorite. Punching evil for love, Gundam style. But just as ultra man defeats behemoth, Hitler levels up and assumes his ultimate form.

Yep. And I love when he defeats beh behavior, it's yet again, what the classic, why did you wait to use your unbeatable laser sword until the very last moment, right? Right. And you needed you go to pray him a sword. You know, right. I'm right. A rule tool. Women as literal weapon. I think that's special attack bar filled up first. Yeah, exactly. Right.

So God bought angel Voltron, has a laser sword, which he uses to melt Hitler and Nietzsche, who are now dead in hell. Kill hell again. More dead. I okay, look, this is right up there with Salman Rushdie's demise as the best game death ever, right? Oh, we have out question. Oh, yeah, it's no, it's a beautiful sequence.

I really, I was, this was, if the movie ended here, right, you'd have like a, you know, an okay acid trip, right? Like you had some dark times, you had some light times, but it didn't have to be anything. But you need three musical numbers. We still need three musical numbers. Okay. So we're sending the musicals. So with Hitler, it means you defeated. Well, unfortunately, the Rwankovator got crushed while they were in hell. But good news, fucking Voltron can fly him around like a lock dragon. Yeah.

Bad news. Demons are flying after them by the millions. Yeah. So, so they get to hell and all the demons like pour out into hell and start to wreck it. Into hell. Yeah. Into heaven and all the heaven neighbors are going to move out now. Like everyone starts selling their

heaven for us. Yeah, and this section of heaven looks like the set of what dreams may come. Yeah. I was hoping, I mean, like at this point, I would believe it, but like, Robin Williams could show up. We'd have an actual genius on set for once in this whole fucking movie. He becomes a robot and fights the demons, but no, no, an angel army shows up. Yeah, Riko does a crucifix Jewish star super move and his angel army plugs up the demon hole with a mountain. Well, that is my notes and that is what happened. That's what's so fucking weird about this, right? Because they look up in the sky.

There's an army of angels and I'm like, oh, wow, are the angels going to fight the demons? No, no, they're there because fucking God. He goes like, watch this shit. You guys are going to want to see this shit. I'm going to totally put a mountain right on top of their hole. It's kind of pissing off. Tomahawk combo breaker. Yeah. Also, why is it that, why is it whenever you see an angel army? They're always done as Roman Legion. You never get a barbarian horde of angels. That's true. Yeah, there's no Visigoth angels.

Yeah. I just want to see the people from the North as angels. There's one time just running at that wall. It's all of a sudden. All right. So, but the bad guys are defeated. Roberto and Patrick are super sorry about them, literally having to come to hell to rescue them.

Yeah. And literally, this movie ignores these characters so deliciously, because they are mid-apology resolution when a light pillar think comes down to take him to the ninth dimension slash cosmic bump. It interrupts them. They're like, you know, I learned something today. Oh, sorry, I got to go up to the ninth. Oh, it's, I went through an arc, but, you know, right. You

just like checking his Instagram while they're coming. Right. I'll try. You said something about sorry or something. Sorry. Let me tell you. Yeah. So the spotlight shows up. It's so weird and bizarre that I have expected Linus to just step into the middle of it and tell us about the true meaning of Christmas, which honestly, again, with the way this movie is going, sure, why not? Yep. But this shaft of light leads to the ninth dimension, the cosmic realm.

Yeah. And Yuko is coming because she's his girlfriend. Literally, I wrote my notes. Nobody likes that guy. It's just like, I brought my girlfriend to the ninth dimension. Super God is like, oh, I didn't know she was, you know nobody likes that guy. It's just like, oh, you brought my girlfriend to the ninth dimension. Super God is like, oh, I didn't know she was, you know, it's great.

I'm really glad she's here. I need to go get another share from the basement. This is fun. This is, how are you? Only God in this case is a 2001 space baby. Right, the awkward space baby's looking at you. Like, really, you couldn't, couldn't the message to head about it. You know that like, you know, she doesn't like my food.

Like, come on, man. I would have cooked something vegan if I'd known she was coming. I would have, but you didn't tell me. All right. So they're going to head up to the ninth dimension. But before they can get there, we're going to get the first song of the movie. This is at okay. So they're floating over heaven and they're looking back as this music plays at like, you know, normal typical heaven, shit, the fields and the flowers. And then like Voltron is standing right in the middle of all of that, wins his little

weird. The dragon ball dragons there. There's some spinning ladies and a Pegasus. There's a Mermaids. Yeah. Yeah. Centars and Mermaids were clearly about to fuck, right? This animation is like a six year old telling you a joke. Yeah. There's a skyscraper that turns into a soda that Thomas Edison is holding. Yeah. A lot of b-roll from Fantasia. Yes. And we should point out that the lyrics to this song are as nonsense. There's no melody, there's no bridge, there's no chorus, it is just an ascending and descending series of notes with random nonsense words as the lyrics.

I was really enjoying the lyrics because they were like a absurd version of the God explains the tied argument It was like literally a series of random questions, right? And it's all set like you said two elevator music And it just make it it's you know, why is there yellow over there, right? Why do I why do I sometimes my leg falls asleep when I'm not actually lying on it weird? Why? They really drag it out in the verses. It's the it's Karanic arguments, the song. What about Reynes though, the song? Yeah, and the graphics are like a worse version of magic carpet ride, which is a 20 year old piece of film, right? And it's, yeah, it's really thing. I don't know. I don't know if it was like they finished. I mean, the movie's already what? Now we're in 30 minutes long, right?

Yeah, it's, yeah, it's not a short one. Here we go. Super, like the songs, it's just going to be super rambly from here on out. Yeah. And by the way, up on the way to the ninth to mention, you pass a place where it rains gemstones. That seems painful. I wrote my notes. Oh my God. The ninth heaven is bejeweled. Japan has been training us for paradise this whole time. And I love that they're so bad at the bejeweled game too, right? Because they did the pay to win earlier. So they now suck at the higher levels. There's no way to be good or bad at be jewell'd. Okay, so eventually, I feel like there's a history behind that stupid fucking game where there

is no good or bad. You just play a ton's over. There literally is no way to be good at that game. Anyway, so they get there's a lot there. We don't have to touch on it today. I feel like you asked the people who made be jeules. Ask the people who made me jules. If there's a way to be good or bad at it, they'll tell you the same thing I just said.

I feel like you ask the people who made me jules. You want to tell the people at home about the time. You had an angry, loud conversation when the people created me. No, just because there's a score, doesn't mean higher is better. Yeah, no, that's the goddamn game. Okay, but eventually they get to the ninth dimension is a score doesn't mean higher is better. Yeah, no, that's the goddamn game. Okay. But

eventually they get to the ninth dimension where bejeweled makes sense in as a good game. Everything about this is maximally bizarre. The clouds have an orgasm. Everything's made a gold as though God was a rapper with one hit song who thought it was gonna last. The screen is just solid yellow at this point. Ah, yeah, for like four minutes. I was thinking the whole time, please don't be a white dude, please don't be a white dude. And turns out at least it's a yellow person, right? Yeah, right, but it's a different color.

Jesus. So here are the gods of the highest dimension. Who are labeled by the way, just in case. See if you can pick the one that doesn't belong. Jesus Christ. Confucius. Sure. Moses. And Isaac Newton. Okay. And Isaac.

You're more of a live nuts guy. I was very, very confused by the inclusion of Isaac. No, it was funny. Come on. Anyway, but also, but also, I'm sorry, Jesus Christ, confusion, smosis, Newton and Lord El Contare. Oh, of course, yes. Of the cult. Yeah. I was hoping the fact that this was all yellow was going to be a signal that that Gal Contare was actually the king in yellow and they're all going to go mad and like claw their eyes

out. That was really great love crafting end of this movie. But no, Sandra Bullock's boyfriend shoots him with a shotgun. Yeah. Turns out El Cantaro is just the time you were mean to your mother growing up. Oh, so it's so fun to watch like racism and, and, you know, ethnocentrism from another perspective, right? Because there's this point where like he's got a Buddha and Hermes and Ophelus and, and, and, and, and thought in Lama and all these people. And they're all like touching the part of the world that they're going to inspire with religion. So like, one of them touches North America

and then one South America, then one Asia, and then one Europe, and one Africa, and one Australia, and one Japan. Right? Like with Japan has its own God, I guess. And that's the weird dichotomy of this is that like these people at the same time believe everything is one. We're all connected. Separateness doesn't matter. But also, art some race is a little better. Like those are hard, those are too hard theories to square together. Aren't there some countries that get a special point from Isaac? Yeah, right.

No, I love that we actually finally do a movie where they rank the races and heaths not here, right? Oh, yeah, he didn't us out. That's a shame. Why did better than you to think that you'd have thought he's white did pretty good. That's a trend. So I mean, given that the Japanese guy still codes his white to me throughout this entire and and gets wider over the course of the movie. He does. That little legitimately happens just according to Grace go. All right. So now he's on the beach with a blonde

chicken at Lantis because the only rule here is that the next scene can't be something that you saw coming. Yep. And the blonde chick is the Burnett chick from earlier. She's now decided to, yeah, embody a blonde lady, except she shows off her brown sometimes to make sure that the slow people are following this incredibly important plot point. So this is the, the couple that started the cult, right? This is the guy and his wife as they're incarnations in Atlantis. That's what we're seeing now. Singing a duet about an Atlantis airship called the Golden Orca. No, I'm sorry, Eli, the Golden Orca was the big golden submarine at the beginning,

the airship is a new thing. Were you even paying attention to this? You know what? I should have. These lyrics were this crazy. It's fucking thing because it starts out like just a love song, right? It's like ever since I met you, I knew that we were in love blah, blah, blah. And Atlantis have this great big submarine made it cool. What? Yep. By the way, they're flying coach in the Atlantis. They are right. We see them like they're, they're carry on bag being taken away as stewardess, sadly,

shaking your head. He's yelling at her about like, why would you sell more seats than you have overhead space? I got a way to Atlantis baggage claim down. This does mean though that at some point the recruiters for this are having actual conversations that go, no, it's not a chariot of the gods. It's an airship of the gods. It still goes over the pyramids, you know. Same basic thing, you know. I don't know if you guys have seen, I have been forced to watch the most horrible of all movies

to Nesh D'Souza's recent movie, but there's a weird similarity between that movie and this movie where the back nine of the third act is just nothing, but clearly someone's girlfriend wanted to sing a song. And so now that's part of the movie. Yeah, right. No, you certainly got the impression that this song was here because the wife was like, well, I'll be damned if you're going to sing and I'm not. Yeah. So, okay, then the song ends. I realized that this is this weird fucking couple telling us how they met. Oh, it was in Atlantis. There's a good chance to get

the fuck out of the dinner party. Oh, it's great. They're like those friends who met on Tinder who are now trying to make up a weird legit story. Oh, it's great. They're like those friends who met on Tinder who are now trying to make up a weird legit story like, oh, it's so crazy. Friends of ours, circus bears. Why would I say such a thing? It wasn't a fuck website. There was no distance listed. Yeah, and okay, now Elkidari reminds them not to forget to start a cult when they get

home. And then we get all the tunnel effects that they hadn't used up to. This movie is 8% kaleidoscope. Yeah, and we're filling it in with just listing all of the gods we've already referenced. I don't know how to make a joke when there's just no new content. Just win-amp visualizer. Like, what do you,

we're just taking attendance for everyone we met in the movie. Yeah, really. Yeah, no, this is really, and this tracks very well with this actually just post-being a metaphor for an asset or a mushroom trip. Cause this is like six hours into the trip where you want it to end.

So you can just go to sleep, but like, you're not quite down yet and you're just so tired and you're like, nothing is interesting to you anymore. You're just listing stuff. So okay. Now we're back at the lab where they all started and they all awakened for their meditation. It was a meditation the whole time. But nope, but not. And we get sort of a little breakfast club close here where it says,

Reuda went on to win their words, the Nobel Prize in science. That's the best one, guys, the science. That's what the science see Nobel Prize. Mm-hmm. They don't give out Nobel prizes for nine-dimensional batshit crazy. Maybe string theory. You could come on. This is probably kind of string theory. I think.

Okay. There you go. There you go. And by the way, we're also going to breakfast club close for Yuko. She went on to be the wife of a guy who won the Nobel prize in science. Yuko gets to be his wife. Oh, I assume at some point that he manages to get her pregnant with some higher being without actually having sex with her. That's probably part of all of this. So she has that. And then they sing another duet over the credits.

Oh, yeah, because why would you stop at two songs in the third act? I was, was I the only one that listened to this one thinking, I wonder what this woman think she sounds like. Oh, absolutely. This is a very clearly the untalented girlfriend of the somewhat talented guy just being like, we're the best, right? You and me and it being like, yep. Yes. The good news is the lyrics of the song are filled with exposition because after an hour and 50 minutes, you want another 10,000 year plot line jump cut. And some new exposition.

In case you're concerned that your cultists didn't feel like they were getting their monies worth it. Yeah, right. The plot line. You only stuck about nine years worth of crazy in that two hours. You want to try again, guys? You will try again. They really stick the dis, they don't not stick the dismount on the editing here, right?

You had, you had a mech punching hisler. How did you, how did you mess that up? Right? How do you drop that ball? Yeah, exactly. Anything but three songs, you pretty much nailed this. Yeah. All right.

So here's the awkward close on this. Obviously, we're all going to have to join this cult now. So does anybody have a strategy worked out to how we can sort of like, you know, sneak away from these podcasts without anybody noticing? I plan to pull a heath and just stop showing up. So you don't work out for it. I planned ahead and already set up a techno cult through my podcasts. So I'm pretty much ahead of the curve. You're already getting it. Okay.

It's a growth industry is what I'm saying. Yes. All right. Well, Aaron, speaking of which, if our listeners are still craving a little more of your winter and wisdom or just want to join your cult, where can they, where can they find more of you? Yeah. You can check me out on an embrace the void podcast where we talk about existential horror that we're all living through in the real world, not in the world that we

just joked about. And then philosophers in space, where me and Thomas use philosophy to pretend to talk about, or sorry, you just try to pretend to talk about philosophy. You really, that sentence works either way, but yeah, just throw it all together in the blender, like this religion. It'll be great. There you go. Awesome. Well, of course, we'll have that linked on the show notes and that is going to do it for our review of the laws of attorney.

At least our first, I think we should make an annual tradition out of this, but it is not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to do this again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck first, Valentine. It's our Valentine's day. Take it. Really? Everything has to be a fucking okay with another regular to look forward to we're gonna bring episode 181 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to Aaron for hanging out with us today

and perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon notice the help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among their ranks you can make a per episode donation of patreon dot com slash God awful when they're by orderly access to an every version of every episode you can also help a ton by linguist five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and only your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this, you'll be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating a diast citation needed in the skeptic crowd available in iTunes,

stitch room, wherever else podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off on movies to gmail.com, legal services to this podcast or provide a by the law, if this is a P N Drutoras, Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotten, a few people drafts on Mars, all of the music was written and performed by our audience and your Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heath and right, Neelya Bosnick, I'm

Noelyshens, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a love song. Since I once begun to love you, the spiders hear my thoughts. It's a sin for every nostril and I counted every song I bought, but you and I together Hop sandwich, grandma, friend If I can wear an eye patch, yeah On the jugblers in Japan Thought a board game eats my nightmares. I'll never make your bookshelf wet.

We'll always have forever till the marshmallow's forget. So good Yellow handbook on my window Love withers like a child A bodysuit for my kids So I could keep a kitchen towel And go the world might leave us. Well, there's a hamster in the wind. A recipe for children and tonic is Three pots tonic one pot, Jim. I'm

I'm I'm I'm Sorry, Jens, there was a sudden burning smell and I was just making sure that like one of my radieners hadn't caught my house on fire. Go ahead. No, no, you go on. You were just talking about how neurotic your kids are going to be.

It's the flame of truth. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2019. All rights reserved.