God Awful Movies - 184: Run the Race

Episode Date: February 26, 2019

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of "Run the Race", the story of two young brothers fighting over who has to be the protagonist. It's a conflict we all lose. --- Come see us in Denver! https://theorientaltheater.com/event/332075/God-Awful-Movies-LIVE-in-Denver If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I Dad's like I won't stout at my faith, dude, but I You know straight in the fuck up man Stop it with the thinking I also doubted my faith and then I realized that that is that is an inside thing So I could just pretend I wasn't and here we are I would like you to also pretend. I'm one of the millions and millions of apostate atheists that are around. Yes, we are.

We are real. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. movie

Welcome back to the gamcast for each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because we can take it I'm your host no illusions and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left as my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back Thanks Noah So you know who's equally good at throwing footballs and making movies? Not Tim Teebo. He is terrible at throwing a football, but just, a gregiously bad at making a movie. Yeah, I don't know if it's equally,

wow, wow, Tim Teebo in the cinema business. We're all fucking doomed. It's like we weren't doomed already and then that happened. We got to see the inside of Tim Timo's stupid brain in this right? Cause like watching this movie, you understand why Tim Timo liked this movie and your stupider and worse is a person for it. It's great. Yeah.

Now he's just barely professional at both. Yeah. He's actually, and that voice you just heard by the way, that's coming from 900 miles to my northeast. And it is from my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic. Noah, I didn't realize this.

I have written 8,000 movies. Do you know that? We're in 8,000 movies. And you just, any series of events in your life is a movie. I really, or an imaginary life, even if it's stupid. And cut. We got it. We did it.

There's one. All right. Sequel, what we're about to say. Yeah. And rap too. All right. So we've already heavily hinted at it, but why don't you go ahead and make an official heath? What will we be breaking down today?

All right, we watched Run the Race in theaters. It's the story of Tim Tibo and his brother in high school and all the fascinating running they did, they ran. And most of the story is about these two main characters fighting over who gets to be the protagonist, but neither of them wants to do it. It's the reverse fight of what you thought I meant. It's a fight between Tim Tebow and his brother to please let me be a side character. It totally is. The plot of this movie is the same as Mario like to get from left to right, basically. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love Friday night lights, but wish

it wasn't so caught up in the sports and the plot and the romances and the character, you love this movie. It's you want to know how I know your gay, the movie. Oh, movie. Oh, moving varsity blue lives matter. All right. So is anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to go with the best worst plot pivot. Um, they start with a movie about football like we were all expecting, but apparently the director got super excited about the action packed world of track and field.

So it's basically Tim Teebo's career except instead of baseball, he's a minor league baseball player now by the way, after failing a profile ball. So instead of switching to baseball, the movie found something even more boring to carry the ending literally just running. Yeah, they pivot to running. This movie is like Tim Tibo was like, all right, tell you what, take these actors, you make me four pitches for four different movies. And everyone came in and the guy was like, it's about a guy who's not Christian enough for his girlfriend. It's about a truck star. He's got a brain tumor. It's about a football star who hurts his name. guy was like, it's about a guy who's not Christian enough for his girlfriend. It's about a track star who's got a brain tumor.

It's about a football star who hurts his knee and he was like, great. Put them all together. Hey, yep. Yep. All right. So I was going to go with best worst vanishing Americana. So this is a theme in a lot of movies now, especially in Christian movies, but in mainstream movies as well to show sort of like the shitty town, the dying town in America as sort of a stand in for lives that can't get

any better people who are stuck in a shitty and when it's done well, you see a movie like Heller Highwater or whatever, when you're like, wow, that was a really artistic shot, the way that rusted out train on a track that doesn't go anywhere, represented their own C&O or whatever. But the director for this movie, first of all, he wasn't aided by the fact that the lighting director just figured more is better, right? So everything is just bathed in fucking light in this movie. But also like he didn't have any artistic selection. He just figured, oh no, I get it. You just point the camera at somewhat looks shitty and put actors in front of it. I got a half full kitty pool. It's got some branches and a dozen and a half.

Oh, it's per I got a rusted out running shoe. I have a closed old country buffet that has a fire in one window. Just Norman Rockwell going through a depressive episode narrating Scott Dan movies in her special shot. When Norman Rockwell stopped giving a fuck. Exactly. The four kids sitting around eating breakfast cereal around a fire. You forgot it.

I was at the Sunday times. Like Norman Rockwell wanted to quit his own painting. Yeah. I'm going to go with best worst bad dad. Let me explain. Let me explain. We've seen a lot of bad dad. Some of them are actually bad dads, but this bad dad is like a lazy half-hearted bad dad. So we'll get to it. He abandoned his children when his wife died.

So his wife died of cancer and he was just like, bruh, kids? Nah, not for me and just wandered off into the distance. And this movie is his journey to be like, we good? Like that is the whole arc. He's like a deadbeat dad for deadbeat debts, right? He's dead beating deadbeat dad.

Yeah, you ever addicted to someone and you don't want to go through the kerfuffle of an apology? So you just come back and you're like, Oh, what's going on? Man, I did, I did shit on your front porch, but we're fine, right? It's that the fatherhood. Right, no, and that's the resolution of the, yeah, wow.

All the resolutions in the film are like that, by the way. Don't spoil it, but yeah, it's similar, maybe. You know what you said. All right, well, obviously we're all pretty stoked about this one, so we're gonna keep the break brief, and when we come back, we'll into all the abject failures that are Run the race You know watching a film like run the race brings up a lot of questions

But in nice stay in college. Why is it no longer possible to buy a small popcorn? And of course is this really what counts as a movie? So with that in mind This summer Hey, Heath you ready? Yeah, just just one second just one second Two men will be called Guys, sorry, he's doing doing a sip. I guess I'm not doing a sip thing. I was having a sip of coffee. I'm ready now. I'm ready. It ready is sitting down in the room where I am. I'm okay.

And two men will answer. Okay, okay, okay. I'm coming. I'm coming. Just just let me. Seriously. I had one more sip. There was one more in the thing. From the makers of Run the Race comes pod the cast. Okay, okay, I'm ready. Don't take a sip. I hate you took a sip.

I'll give you a face. And we're back for the breakdown. And before we even get to the movie, I feel like we should acknowledge the first three pages of the notes, consist of Eli and Heath's preshow musings. Thank you. Yeah. Well, that's, that's the majority of my notes that I like to just, let's just play it like that's all my notes. Can we just talk about not this movie and just do the previews? We came real close to talking about not this movie. I will after you guys go through your thoughts, explain my pre-show musings, but yeah, by all means.

So my theater consisted of a homeless gentleman who was hum singing to himself through most of it, just sort of like a, oh, through most of it, just sort of like a, oh, mm, mm, mm, mm, through most of the movie. And my favorite, the other two guys in the theater were two 40 something gentlemen who very clearly came into the theater to have gay sex. Saw my fat ass sitting there with my popcorn and my skittles, my twizzler and my giant slurpy and my coat spread out across four seats. And we're just like, yep, we're also here to watch Run the Race and not suck each other's

dicks because we're married to women. Can't wait. Shall we? Yep, these are our seats. Movies. No numbers. I feel so bad for them because God knows gay sex to a tim Tibo produced movie. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Hagenheim just to get you guys fucking with a screen of Tim Tibo and David air white movies going on We could make that happen guys

I don't know if you've been to the momolately Most of it is worse than that. All right. Well, we've got the video and we've got the guys We just got to get in right make this happen. I knew I should have left him a business card For a different reason. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. So you like to fuck to Christian. Here's my card. Okay.

So, and so he's, where did you watch this one? How was your theatrical experience? I watched the, I watched this movie in God damn Kentucky. I had to cross state lines. I had to go to Kentucky. I had to cross state lines. I had to go to Kentucky and in my theater, there was me and one Christian couple on a date. And they were all the way Christian. Like like if either one was there alone, they would have been breaking the Pence rule and they would have like ran away terrified. They're the worst.

A lot of my notes are just what they were doing and how they were acting. All right, so I saw this theater in a packed house. I also had to cross state lines. Wait, really? Yeah, yeah. No, okay. So this movie is in Florida, Homefield, advantage. Yes. Yes.

Yes. I went to North Florida to see this. Okay. So there was a theater that was playing this, like, an hour and a half from me, right? But also an hour and a half from me, there was a church playing it, right? So it's for some of these Christian movies, sometimes they'll like release some of them to the churches and then you pay like, you know, they suggested donations. So I went and I paid the suggested donation and everything. But I was not able to catch the beginning of the movie for a multitude of reasons.

Most of them being that the church's website said that brother so and so was going to get a given invocation before the movie. So I wasn't, I was like, kind of trying not to show up on time. Part of it also was that it didn't occur to me that like, even on movie night, you're supposed to dress like it's a church. And part of it was that I was a long haired 40 something year old guy coming to what turned out to be basically youth night at the church. The bad. Oh my gosh.

Did you dress like Jesus? I thought for the longest time that they could smell the atheism on me. But when they finally let me in, which is a good 20 minutes to the goddamn movie, I sat down in the fucking room and I thought, oh my God, they're afraid I'm going to fuck somebody. That's what this is. Right? I forgave them so much when I realized that it was just me, a bunch of 15 year old girls

and a youth pastor that looked like I was cutting in on his pussy, right? Ha, ha, ha. That's the best, because imagine it from your perspective is like, oh, great, because I look like an aunt. I'm not allowed to go in and see this, but then you open the doors.

Yes. I tell the witch doctor, oh, okay. We were going around and saying our favorite Harry Potter book. Yes, yes, exactly. Except your 30. So they'd be doing something half that age, but no, his favorite is my immortal.

So yeah, call forward. I also learned during the pre-credits to this movie that Marina Manudos has a podcast, Maria, you were welcome on this show anytime. Just throwing that out there. I also got a few great previews. I think we're going to have to do at least some of these, right? We got breakthrough, obviously. I think we're going to do that for sure, right?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Breakthrough with the Tofer graces in that, by the way. Mm-hmm. We heard it. Yeah. There was a movie over the cover. Yeah. There's also apparently a movie called Biggest Little Farm. That's like, it's basically

fake like potatoes for 2019. And I'm pretty excited about it. It's in California instead of South Africa, but it's, they're gonna pray away the wildfire. That's what happened in this movie. Nice. Yeah. So that's exciting. We get to just watch them burn to death

in a fire while they're praying. I'm assuming anyway. But my favorite part of my pre movie experience was the wildly sexual popcorn and soda commercial. Did you guys have the same one? Oh no, what's that? Oh, it's, it's, it's insane. There's a guy behind the counter just like, just dripping come all over the popcorn and soda. He's handing to this girl and she's there with her date who's not as attractive as the crazy, crazy model attractive guy behind the counter at the movie theater. And the Christian couple I was with found that very inappropriate.

They didn't like that. They were they tipped loudly. They tipped very loud. Yep. Needless to say, there were no sexualized popcorn ads and by viewing of this film. But yeah, we're beginning of the movie. Honestly, I'm kind of at you guys. It's mercy. My notes for the first like four scenes are they're really not going to let me into this shirt. I'm just going to have to show off going like so no, seriously, though, how bad

was the movie? Yeah. Wait, so you really missed like several, you missed the movie? Yeah, no, I missed the first 15 minutes while I was trying to talk the guy in the door and to let me in. Oh, me too. Okay, here we go. Eli, this is your chance. Okay. This is your hardcore history.

Okay. Quote. She's supposed to do it right? God, how did they do it? Oh my God, it's just like a tie-trap. This movie. Don't say a slur. Don't say a slur.

Cikes. I'm sorry. Alright, so how did this movie start though? Like I said, I got in there. I'm honestly probably like 15, I'm sorry. All right. So how did this movie start, though? Like I said, I got in there. I'm honestly probably a 15, 20 minutes late. So you guys are on your own here. Uh, that's a great question, Noah, because the answer is with Confederate imagery. If your guest has zero seconds before Confederate imagery, there's a sign that says the rebels

and you're like, Oh, I wonder. And then there's a giant Confederate flag being way around by a teenage girl. Oh, God. Yep. That literally happens. And the other part of the opening is, it's a cold open on a guy silently vomiting. The first thing that happens. Yeah, it's like weirdly controlled. He's just like kind of like No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, does a musical number with a coach, like Pirates of Penzance. Yep. Yep. Pretty close. Pretty close. They do the like, they're all in a circle and like the captain is supposed to get in the middle and do a whole thing. And I was sure the kid that we're watching silently vomit a moment ago, he's the captain or the, he's

the big running back on the team, which is first of all a giant lie. This kid is playing zero high school football at alone. He weighs, he like, he weighs less than me. Yeah. He, he looks like the Abercrombie shirtless B team. It's like at best, but I was dying for him to get into the middle of the circle and start freestyle rapping, but it's sad. It doesn't have. I just wrote in my notes, Nathan Phillips walks into middle of them, starts playing

a drum. Everyone, come on. Be cool. Everyone looks sad. Look sad. And get us in trouble. And then we get some football, I'm assuming. Yep, they football a little bit.

Yeah. We get a quick flash of me and heaths people, the marching band, just the nerds got a half a second in this movie. Wow, me and he's just stood up, started giving standing ovation. He's got angry glares in our separate theaters. Yeah. And the football we're seeing, it's somebody just knows football from playing Madden at the very most. So it's just like spin move hurdle, spin move hurdle, spin move. It's so dumb. This is run the same play over and over. Oh, sweet right. Got it. They hit that. That's all they knew. Yeah. They'll never suspect. We'll sweep right six times in a row, but they won't. That's actually true, but they don't do that. Yeah,

no, you're right. You're right. Yeah. And then after the game, he goes up to the coach and he's like, coach was the Florida scout here and coaches, the coaches through line in this movie is stop thinking about whether or not you're going to get into college and take us to the playoffs. Yeah. Just win at the game. Come on. Don't be a dick.

Yeah. We also learn he scored five touchdowns in one game better than L buddy. Al Bundy could suck a dick. They don't show us those five touchdowns during the football sequence though. They just tell us. Yeah, I've got to give me a that stupid. That is just stupid. That's like Eli was writing like what the football player did that was amazing, right? How many footballs touched out 97 less zero. And then then we cut to their gross poor house full of gross poor things. And Zach, who is the the football star brother. What's the other

brother's name? Day two number one. Dave, we don't learn Zach and Dave until act three. So thank you. So Zach wakes up and someone is shining lights in the window. Yep. And it is, you guessed it, deadbeat alcoholic dad get like every goddamn football movie. Can you get one football movie without this? Just like one with like a super positive dad and a wasted mom. Like that would be fun. Like I would watch that. A gender swap football movie. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, yeah. But I don't want your life. Well, you know what I do. You're you're pretty good dead.

I would love your life. I'm gonna quit football and start an emo band. Bounce is the basketball office face. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? No, I'm fine. Thought you were doing like a power move thing. No, I wouldn't do that. I know you wouldn't. Thanks for all your support. Yeah. And for showing me to quit football. So okay. So I'm sorry. You guys got to film me in here. So deadbeat dad showed up shining a light through their windows. That's how we meet this character. Yeah. And then Zach scares him away like a coyote with a baseball that he's like, get, get, get, get. Like I expected the next scene to be dad like eating out of the trash and he's actually some out of the window. He's like,

come on. We got to get one of those lid locks. He shoes him away with a broom and closes the recycling kit. No, don't, no, no. Yeah. So yeah, dad was just there to like break into the house and try to be dad again. He's, you know, he left him. We're going to learn in a minute. He left him after mom died. So we get, we get a dead mom too, which is from cancer. Yeah, from cancer. From the fucking cancer. We literally get a cancer mom. So there you go, bingo. And then we get, this is one of my favorite parts.

And then we get this is one of my favorite parts. We get Zach after dad leaves. He goes back inside and he angrily in the dark watches Beverly Hillbilly, Beverly Hillbilly's and it's just supposed to be this brooding moment like, but he's got a bottle of Tabasco on the table, not whiskey, not a beer Tabasco sauce and that's it. Just like I was watching Beverly Hillbilly's drinking Tabasco in the dark. His dark moment. That's crazy. Him drinking Tabasco right out of the bottle. Just want to stand there and watch you.

That is harder than I would, the guest. All right. So I'm kind of guessing on the timing here, but I feel like right about now was the point where they're like, okay, so what's the name of the show you review movies on? So that added a whole new complication. So I still didn't get in yet. Ah, ah, I see. That was a problem. Well, don't worry. You missed the church scene so we can see Dave going to church while Zach stays home to sleep. Yeah.

Classic. We get to meet the pastor here who is also an African American gentleman like the coach. Mario Van Peoples. Oh, really? Yeah. And there is, is this woman called their nanny? What do they eventually call this? I was confused by this. I thought her name was Annie. And she might also be their nanny. So yeah, not, not clear. It might be an Annie.

I think she's Annie and unforgiven, right? Or no, Alice. And okay. Yeah. Yeah. But it's that she gets the main prostitute from unforgiven, right? Or no, Alice. And okay, yeah, yeah, but it's that, she gets the main prostitute from unforgiven. And she is nanny.

And yes, in a, in the southern world, nanny is either your grandmother or an old woman that you've known since you were a kid and like it's a person, I think a godmother relationship. Okay, it's the second thing. I thought she was mom at first, but yeah, we find out mom's dad,

and this is the older woman who takes care of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My only note about her is she looks like she's gonna tell you the story of Darth Plagueis the wife. That's it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Devon and saying, Hey, how come your brothers not are called? And he's like, I'm working on it. And then see, Davey, end of that scene. And then there's a montage of sweaty young men. Yeah. It's, I'm pretty sure a training montage for becoming gay. What's happening, right? It worked. Damn, I missed this. I mean, there's no other way? It worked. Damn it.

I missed this. I mean, there's no other way to explain this. Like, it was over the top, like Tom Cruise walks by with a volleyball inside of his ass. There's like, guys, tone it down like that. And then you were able to see the movie. Yeah. No, this is what I was able to sit down. I like literally the first note in, or the first thing I wrote in my notes is, no, this is what I was able to sit down. I like literally the first note in the first thing I wrote in my notes is

Oh, they think I'm gonna fuck somebody This is when Noah finally was like God wonderful movies. That's the name That's what it was yeah, so but no, okay, but these are the first spoken words that I heard This was my experience I walk in and there's a bunch of 15 year old girls in their party dresses and everything. And I sit in the back and I've got my little notes. And the first words that are said after I sit down is Zach, he's talking about the scholarship he's going to get for his football, but he says this just proves it's not like some fantasy I built up in my mind.

I love that those are the first words I hear of the Christian movie. Yeah. And this is when we're we're talking to the coach again, right? And he's he's given that speech about like it's not, you know, it's about winning, not about being good at football because he's asking about the scout again. And I thought that was like a great, great little message they had in there by accident. It's about winning not being good. And that's just like Tim Tibo on the gators and the Broncos That's his fucking career. Yeah, no shit. I can see how this spoke to his heart. I Missed that scene the one I got was the the later one where they're sitting around the trash fire together Eating cereal. Yeah dry. Yep fire. Fire pit cereal party. Very exciting. My notes here are just this could be us.

Heath. This could be us, but you're a lonely weirdo. We could buy houses in Jersey, eat cereal by the fire. I wasn't paying attention. Did anything happen in the movie? No. Cool. What? Okay. What cereals would we get? Oh, whichever ones you want at cocoa. And the ones I want. Yeah.

And then those crunch, fruity pebbles. Noah could teach us how to eat Captain Crunch. Oh, I'm aware of how to eat Captain Crunch. Yeah, he read the book. He read the book. All right. So now we cut to, I'm so stoked. I'm back in the driver's seat.

Just now here, I will back up. But by the way, one other note on the scene, we actually get the line, going to make it out of this town and get better serial. That's what's that like, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. He's dreaming about the fucking top shelf serial that they got. Yeah, we're gonna get rich and have a six slash toaster. He just picks up the bag from the bottom shelf and he's like, fuck you.

So, I'm a store brand. I'm getting killed on one day. Where's the bros? Pick a real word at least. Brab come on. Oh, Mr. Pib too. One day, one day, seen your Pib. All right, so now we cut to a hospital.

This is one of 39 scenes in this movie that will take place in a hospital. But Davey's getting checked out, this is where Zach meets Ginger, who is played by the poor man's Shannon Woodward, who is the poor man's Ellen Page. Yeah, she's delightful. So yeah, we're like three levels down from Ellen Page here, which is still great. Yeah, and he's trying to hit on her, which is uncomfortable.

And he goes with the opening line of, I'm on an undefeated high school football team. Here's my penis. She's not into it. My middle school chest team has gone the fourth in the nation. Um, marry me. I don't, I'm not a starting chest player, but I'm honest. I'm honest.

Without me managing their equipment, who knows where they. Well, and then, okay, of course, she's not interested in him. So he just needs to flirt harder. Damn it. That's the lesson that we should be sending to young boys today. If she very clearly tells you, no, I'm at work. Please stop hitting on me. I'm not interested in dating you. You haven't asked hard enough. That's the key. You got to keep asking and follow her to other activity. Yep. She goes, I don't date football players. And this is why not.

She's like, the books, Heather has to be something like our relationship needed to overcome in order for this to be a movie. I'm just going to place this hurdle between the two of us. All right, but the brothers find and minutes off to work. These two boys, I guess, work at nanny's grocery store overnight, stocking shelves. Yeah. Yeah, we get to see that. We probably didn't need 15 minutes of walking the aisles to establish that fact, but that's

what we got. Fucking Christ. Well, okay, but Davey is going to go to work. Zach wants to go off and party with his red neck friends after the game. Yeah, he's going to be the 97th person in the back of that big truck. Yes he is. Yeah, but but Davey's the good Christian kid. So he'll cover for party atheist, Zach. Yeah. And okay, so I have to, I have to point out to like every time people talk, the dialogue is painful.

Like I die and say I lose one verb every time somebody says a line in this movie, right? It's like it's like listening to awkward people flirt at a Star Trek conventioners. It's painful. Yeah, it's just like it's like banter. You know what it is? It's every bad podcast the movie. Like, oh, we get together. Let me tell you, you, this homo right here, he says, ah, you got to be there. You got to know our friend Rick, but if you did.

Anyways, we are going to buy a second microphone. And really also, I missed this scene because Anna and I were having a very intense whisper fight because I wrote a note about how there's no such thing as people who put food back at night during grocery stores. And Anna was like, do you really not know that there are people who talk shelves in grocery stores? And I was like, why would they do it at night?

Why wouldn't they do it during the day? And she was like, they do it both times a day. How do you have so little knowledge about the world? And then we whisper thought for a while. So whatever you guys said happened during the scene happened. What do you think happened in the grocery store in your head before yesterday? Out what I'mited to Annabelle that she thought was unrealistic is that they set the shelves up in the back and they are on some sort of rotary.

They show. Rotary. Yeah, they like shelf forward onto the tracks. The tracks. Yeah, the shelves. That's why all the groceries are never in place. Theater sets, like a theater with like the things that slide in the neck flies. Yes, exactly. Okay. All right. Yes. Now it's time for them to go to a diner slash tire salon.

I'm where apparently, by the way, Zach is so good at football. He doesn't even have to pay for his burger. Yeah. They're in a combination convenience store slash restaurant. Those are the best. Look, if I can't buy a lot of ticket while I'm eating, I will eat somewhere else. I would like those to be the best. They're not. But like, honestly, now I'm thinking about it. Like that would be great to have all that stuff together. You just, they don't do that. They just hardly ever see that. Nope.

I'm just talking business. So, and then pathetic dad shows up, right? At this time, not with a flashlight through the window, just like physically present in the room with them. He's just, he's picking up their food like your friend who forgot his lunch money and just like, oh, Tater tots, huh? Bro, you don't want those tots, right? Help you with your tots.

I'm going to stab you in the hand. Yeah. And Zach is a, this is the only part of this movie I enjoyed, which is that there is a Christian movie father redemption art going on with the exact just actively hating the fuck out of his dad while the two of them redeem their relationship. Yeah, right. No, David and dad are sitting there going like, well, dad, it really hurt. And then Zach is in the background just going, fuck you.

The best. Fuck you! What's the best? No, I'm sorry, forget you. Forget you both Christian movies. He's singing the radio version of Sealo Green song. Yeah. So, Zach angrily walks off, but Davey hangs back with pops. Pops is trying to get Davey to borrow money from Mani and give it to him. Yeah. So even though we just had a moment where Zach was like, Hey, we shouldn't trust this guy. He's a piece of shit.

And Davey was like, he's our dad, given me a chance of the moment he leaves. Dad's like, so this feels like bad timing, but can I borrow money from my son? I wish I could transition. How about that weather give me money? I just need to unlock this Nigerian check and account and I get all that child support, all set. Yeah. And we also get that, that angry walking montage, which was fun, especially

because of the music for me. Oh my god. It's supposed to be an angry walking montage past like the rust train track like you're saying before, but we get happy walking music. That's what's happening. And like, it looked like the actor could hear the insane music choice because he almost stopped to be like, really? Is that I'm not link going through a high rule victorious, man. I'm just like, I'm rewoken. Is that I think I'll go for a walk outside? Come on.

No, stop it. This is crazy. I can't even walk through my own speed. It's nuts. I'm here by the old dirt factory. You guys are what? Well, it was amazing too, is that other than that moment, the music is always so ridiculously on the nose, right? The lyrics are basically

describing the on screen action and every other moment. But yeah, but eventually this angry walking montage culminates in him going to yet another red neck drinking party teenage party. Cornhole he they had cornhole. I was so happy about the cornhole. I'm undefeated at cornhole in my entire life. Oh, you and I have not played cornhole. Oh, cornhole tournament, our new podcast for we go over. He will know I have him just playing almost certainly remain undefeated. I've played so many games of Cornhole and I win every single time. That's a fact. See, that's why my notes say I just

realized that my co-host and business partner's life goal is to go back to a high school party. They're so fun. High school parties were the best. Oh, I missed that. Just out in the woods. You were happy with just being in the woods with one red cup. That was it. Cornel was honest. You better have fuck up that red cup

because they're one another one. That's where my life peaked for sure. Also. So we watched the red now by myself in the woods. You don't know. You don't know. People read dogs multiple red cups when I do those going down to the dog park. Hey, I got more of these. Just a little. There's many cups as I want now. Nobody can tell me not how many I can have.

19. Let me let me play ping pong with your wife. So okay, well, that's accurate, but all right. So it's relatively story. So I believe this might be a Christian movie first that we get at this redneck party. Because of course, I missed the football at the beginning. So I hadn't seen any sports yet in the movie. So the first bad sportsing I see is beer pong, right? Because we get the extreme close up of him throwing and the extreme close up of the ping pong ball falling in the car.

They couldn't get a single shot of now. Thinking one ping pong ball from like six feet away in the cup. Yes. No matter how many tries they gave him, it was like, it was like making Tim Tibo, you're starting quarterback. Yeah. Tim Tibo plan beer pong, you would just like, I don't know, knock the table over somehow with his arm motion. It doesn't make any sense how he moves his arm through football. Tim, you've been praying for the last 45 minutes.

I really just need you to one. Now I gotta start over. Of course, this is where we have to meet the bad guy kids from the bad guy school. They're black. Yeah, feel like making the only non-coach African American in this movie, the villain was a poor choice. Okay, so the coach and the pastor are black. So I guess they, they feel like they made up for it. But yeah, the fact that the black school is the school that cheats, not a great idea for your fucking movie that starts with a Confederate flag. No, but, but pastor and coach like they can say any anywhere at this point.

We're good. Yeah. So the, but the evil black character shows up from the evil rival black school. And he's like, hello, we are rivals. I've come bearing a conflict. Let's do this. So dead. Just like your mom punched me in the face.

I wrote my notes. Now they're fighting. Fucking fighting fighting if fight they fight technically I loved the squaring off moment before yeah, I'd actually started it was just like every kind of looks around And they're like I've got to pair up my size to run at each other Come on come on huge fat come on you know, you're not with me roll over, come on, huge fact, come on. You know, you're not with me. Roll over one. Come on. He let's stop lying on up with my girlfriend. Stop it. Don't run around. Don't run around now that she moved. Don't get down in a football stance. You fell asleep. You fell asleep. You spit up on your shirt a little bit. I'm gonna have her take you to the car while we have.

Just being dragged by my legs, but someone's girlfriend. I never get to fight anyone that isn't he. He's shitting. He just gets brought to these parties to be a dummy for fights like this. Oh, but oh no, during the fight, Zack's leg was injured. And now he can't football anymore. I expect his leg is injured so suddenly I expected the bad guy from karate kid to like walk away from the fight. Not to go broke in a body bag. Yeah, he gets his leg swept.

Yep. He swept. Yeah, he has torn his ACL, which we learned from the doctor that makes the house call to his poverty home. And then coach explodes in like stereotype, Kramer. He literally like the door flies open. He's like, you've been doing that fight. Yeah, but yeah, no, he's super angry, apparently,

because they didn't write any full sentences for him to speak. Right. He says the opening of like four damn lines before he realizes, oh, wow, your legs injured, isn't it? I'm not going to yell out Tussin. I'm not doing that. Stop trying to make me say stuff. So. All right.

So we head back to the hospital this time so that Zach can get his ACL repaired and darn it. If Ginger doesn't come back in that nurse that he was stalking before. And it's, it's more sexual harassment in the workplace. Women, women warm to that. Let me tell you, they do. When you're opening line after she's already turned you down multiple times is, hey, should I show you my penis, which is literally what he does.

But it's classic. Oh, question is when can Zach start doing stand up again, right? When will he enough? Yeah. And she gives him a hard time. She's like, well, I guess you don't play football anymore. So well, still know though, I mean, name a book. Don't say the Bible too slow. No Bible.

Well, no, apparently that was the right answer with this with this. God, yes, that's right. It turns out to be the right answer. Yeah. Well, right, because this is where Zach notices her, her Jesus bracelet. She's wearing the Corinthians 220 bracelet and he knows that verse and so she is so good wet all of a sudden. Zach the atheist looks at her Bible verse and instantly knows passage and sentence. Yeah. Yeah, it's Galatians 220, which apparently says, I'm crucified with Christ. What the, I don't remember this part.

What the fuck did that mean? I'm crucified with Christ. What the, I don't remember this part. What the fuck did that mean? I'm crucified with Christ. That's a positive, that's something you wrote on your bracelet. You're insane, right? That's crazy. You're a crazy person. It's a reminder, it's like memento.

She looks down, she looks at her hands, there's nails in them. Right, I'm crucified with Christ. This is so, I thought I was a nurse. Also, this is where I after it meant I thought this movie was like a biopic about Tim Tibo Not just like Tim Tibo got his hands on a script and was like money make a movie So throughout my notes up until this point when I googled because I was bored I was like is this the story of the t-bow brothers

which one was t-wended in me this way that yeah they just slip in a little bit of loosely loosely based around tim t-bow i think that way and i think what they're doing here by the way and this is i'm gassing here right i don't have this on any authority but what i think they're doing is they wrote this shitty movie and then somebody said something to someone about maybe Tim Tebow would be interested in producing a movie. So they rewrote the characters to have all these weirdly Tim Tebow like characteristics

so that when he read the script, he'd say, wow, this really speaks to me on a personal level. I bet it'll do that to everyone who grew up in a small poor town in Florida, went on to play football at the University of Florida as a quarterback. Noah comes over, stops his pulse for him, huh? I'm not that stupid. I'm not that stupid. No.

All right, but now it's time for some more football. This time, those zackas on the sideline with his crutches. He gets in a crutch right. Hey, you know what? People say we don't get Christian movies their credit. If you try to crutch an opponent in the head, I love your movie. So there you go. Five stars. Okay, but he had an ACL tear like yesterday, like a few days ago and he's jumping around and like, he gets into a break dance fight with this rival black character. What do they think an ACL tear is? I'm very confused by this movie. Yeah. So what, right. So and by the way, it's the same black

kid that swept his leg and fucked his ACL up to begin with that comes over and just starts giving him a shit on the sideline to get him into a fight because you know he's black. Anyway, so we have a big sideline fight and we head back to stocking more groceries. Meanwhile, we have to check in with all the action at the empty supermarket. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, okay, and this is where we get to see Davie have his seizure. Yeah! So, so Zach is like listening to his music, having a little room temperature, coke, gross. Davie's mopping the floor and he suddenly has a seizure. As though these two characters are fighting for the audience's sympathy, right? We're like, ah, poor Zach is lag and Dave's like, oh, is lag?

Well, watch this. Blah, blah, blah. And then Zach takes, I didn't keep track, 45 minutes of comedy shenanigans to find him. He's like, hey, Davey, where are you? Oh, yeah, but you're, but you're lying on the floor drooling. Am I right? Classic Davey. Yeah.

Okay, you know what? I'm an account. I'll turn around. I'm going to be lying on the floor drooling. Am I right? Classic day. Yeah. Okay. You know what? I'm going to count. I'll turn around. I'm going to count. I'm going to count. I'm going to count. 99.

Oh, man, I'm being spun into the back by the rotary system. We have at this supermarket. See? That's how it works. Well, and it would so far because I guess they think that they're building suspense by having like such a long shot of him finding Davey. But then when he finds David, Davey just wakes up and he's fine. So there was literally no point to this scene. He's like, you okay? And he's like, yeah, I feel like my illness

is pretty well established. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well written. You're good brother for slapping my face to save me. He is. Oh, have to be back. I'm laying down. So happy you didn't get aborted in the Philippines. So that almost happened to Tim Diba. Yeah. No, I know. All right.

So the next morning, we get the two of them getting up. Well, no, I'm sorry. We got one of them getting up. Davey gets up to jog because he's good in Christian, but Zach stays in bed being lazy. Plastic. And the music here is no mention this before. It is literally describing the plot like to a word. The music is just like, no worry about me.

Two acts still to go. I'm going to be the main character now in this song. It's his hand movie life. And coach. Coach shows up now and he is brought. Donuts. They don't show us the donuts. There's a box and he says there's donuts in it, but they very carefully never open that box.

Yeah. Donuts in it, but they very carefully never open that box. Yeah. He also knocks and then turns around and walks and turns his back to the door and delivers all of his lines with his back to the door. That was an interesting choice. It's like there's an alien ship moving in on the horizon and coach doesn't want it to get the drop on him. There is no point in this scene where he is looking in a normal direction. It's, it's like he was jerking off and someone caught him and he put everything

away, but he still has the erection. So now he's just like, oh, yeah, coach the big football game. He's like, yep, yep, yep, yep, football game. This is turned this. I want to hold you the rest of the movie facing backwards, just the entire rest of the movie. His coach in the football game from the sidelines like in a spoon. He's looking at what's happening. I sure would love it if you boys ran a heat 49 to the left. Sorry, right. Sorry, right. My left east.

And also was there also a feeling to this scene like he was going to offer him gay for pay because that was the vibe I was getting. He's like, yeah, he was sure of had a hard time. If only someone could help you out with $300. I feel like this notes about you and the homeless guy in the theater. I guess that like I would offer him $300. The rest of my skittles apparently he was too good. Start with a loo ball. All right. So, but, but what I love about this is so coaches here because he thinks that Zach could rehab his ACL in time to run track this year and get a scholarship for track. And what I love so much about this

is that as coaches taught telling Zach how good he could be at track, Davie is basically running in circles around them going, when am I in the scene? Am I going to be in the scene, guys? You're talking about how good it would be to be a runner. Just wanting with a track trophy behind him. Yeah. So I was just putting this somewhere. But yeah, now we get to that great plot pivot that Heath was talking about to the far more dramatic sport of running fast. Let me get that track and field money and get out of this. What? So okay, so now we go off to an auto show or as Eli wrote the notes, a car shoe.

So again, I had a big fight here. These are real? Yes, yeah, where people take a bunch of old cars and then folks go to look at the old cars. I'm out, I'm out of the humanity. We did, we did bad. You thought this was a fictional thing with people having cars? Yeah, why, why do they do that? I'm sitting there whispering fervently to my wife. You did bad. You did wrong. You thought this was a fictional thing with people having cars? Yeah.

Why do they do that? I'm sitting there whispering fervently to my wife, why do they want to look at cars? And she's like, I don't know, but it's a thing. And I was like, it's not a thing. And we Googled it and it's a thing. Why? Tell me why they want to look at it. I don't know.

They rotate them out at night. They put them in there into parking spots, whatever. You went to a magic convention and you're going gonna get all shitty with people who like cars. No, I just didn't know what it was. I go to magic conventions. There's nothing, there's nothing lower. There's nameless annual meeting and there they won't have it in the same hotel as us. I'm not judging.

I just want to know what the, is it something about about the like you can look at the engine and be like This is the one of a kind of classic cars and old-ass cars, you know, I just Yeah, I really deeply don't understand some people are into cars Eli. Okay. Yeah, so so okay But we're here because it's real hobby like like car tracks. All right, but we're here at the auto shoe because it's time for Zach to take his relationship with Ginger to full restraining order level. Right. Or because it's a movie into success.

Yeah. No, exactly. The fourth time he asked her out though, Jesus. Exactly the fourth time he asked her out though Jesus Couldn't legs her and then she's like yeah, let's go on a date great. Yeah, he does He does you gonna be dressed so shitty where your hair looked better then? Jesus fucking crazy up she gives in because that's how all great romances start with her giving in Okay, well, I wouldn't say. Wouldn't judge everyone who bads someone into eventually dating them.

I don't think we need to judge those relationships. Some of them work out just fine. Maybe. He's at the doctor. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Then we got to Zach. He's fucking around.

He's not doing his rehab enough and he's not exercising hard enough and he's giving up on life Damn it his knee will never heal at this rate Seen is so pointless and amazing. Just like if you've been doing your rehab. No, they've been stretching No, can I play football? No, what did you hear my question? Yeah, but so he leaves or him and Davey leave but Davey's like, oh, I forgot my coat. Let me run back in. And when he runs back in, he asks the doctor if he can run track, not if Zach, the one with a tour in ACL can run track, which as far as we knew was the point of this, but whether

he, Davey with the brain trauma disease or whatever can run track. It's like, uh, they're making me become the fucking protagonist, I think for the end of this. I don't know. Can I run track with my fucked up brain thing from football? And the doctor's like, yeah, that's, that's cool. So you don't have any evil black track rivals, I guess.

You have any of those? rivals, I guess. Yeah. You have any of those? Stay away from Edgewood. So yeah. So she says sure why not? So on the way home, David tells Zach that he's clear to run track, but he'll need Zach to help him out to be his trainer because who would make a better trainer than a guy who several months ago tore his ACL. So this is where I realized in the movie that like no one who made this movie knows anything

about sports because this is the kind of writing that I would do where it'd be like, hey, look, I play a run run with the run run sport. I could teach you to run run. Yeah, man. Well, just what do we do? Oh, we'll just run Okay, cool. Yeah, we'll run every morning at run o'clock. Yeah, there's nothing else to it Yeah, eventually I'll be the best runner. Yeah, if we run. Yeah, we'll just run Sports nailed it. How did grocery stores work? I love running backwards. Well, okay. Sorry. Sorry. That's gonna make you a worse runner

backwards. Okay. Sorry. That's going to make you a worse runner. I love to that. Davey keeps saying as he's trying to talk him into being his trainer, he's like, come on man, we have nothing to lose as though like having stakes were a bad thing in a movie. Right. Like there's literally no bad or a good outcome for this. It's neutral. It's completely not yet. I feel like this was in the writer's room. They just took that down and was like, we have not, there are no stakes. We need some stakes in this movie. Fine. It gets shuffled in with the, with the script. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's time to go have our coffee date with Chinsor so we can listen to unwitty people right with again. And right about drinking coffee with a goddamn straw.

Hot coffee. Hot coffee with a straw. Look, we have seen some crazy Christians don't know how the world works movies. But this is the pinnacle, no? Two teens sharing a cup of coffee with a straw. That's not pretty great. There were gaffers and lighting designers and texts and PAs.

They had made it coffee drinkers. Yes, there is. It's statistically impossible that no one on that set knew how coffee works. Dozens of voting age adults watch this and we're like great. Good job, everybody. Let's move on. Excuse me, waitress, let me get a straw for this coffee. No, you're going to burn your mouth off. You're an idiot. I'm eight. So I would burn my mouth. That you should sense something. So, but of course, the point of the scene though, right, the fun part here that we've seen in every third fucking movie we watched is that she starts to say grace over her coffee, but he doesn't how embarrassing.

Get your bingo cards out everybody. And this is when the couple next to me was like, it's like our first date. It's just like, we did, we did, we did, we drank coffee through straws. Oh my God, I was so fucking, I almost started yelling at this point. Just like, show your mouth, show your mouth. All right. But yeah, but he prays with her and says, grace with her, because he doesn't know any better yet. I didn't do that, A.G. There is, she's cute. You know, I wouldn't have done the same. So no, Josh, do it right now. If I walk downstairs of my wife saying, Grace, I'm going to bow my head and make up, we'll go through my memorized

deck just for our clubs to our hearts. I'm going to talk to you. All right. So they leave the date. I just, the walking away on the date thing, I only bring it up because there's like three instances of casual racism in this 90 second scene. Oh, the one of a black guy tried to mug you. Yes. I would use my Chinaman karate on him. I was a mate. Like, I thought he was going to miss the threebeat and just be like, build the wall.

I don't know. Sorry. Too felt weird. Yeah, they're walking away. And she's like, you don't have to walk me to a, my car, he's like, what if someone attacked you? Like that guy and points to a black tooth, that's walking by. He's like, man, why is it gotta be me?

Yeah. A bunch of other people, a bunch of people walk by. He's like, what if someone tried to attack you? Couple walks by, white guy with an, with an axe walks by, then the black guy comes over here. He's good. That guy, that guy, what if he tried to bug you? Oh, come on, man.

He's pulling the black guy over. Sir, sir, sir. What are you trying to bug you? sir sir. What do you mean? Like him. What? You called me over. Oh, J. He's like, Oh, is this a cuckled thing?

God damn it. Y'all white people always okay. All right. So, but the day ends and then Zach and Davey go to visit mom's grave, but deadbeat dad is already there. With a beer and roses at the same time. It's one of the darker Judy Bloom stories. He's literally laying on the grave crying.

And so that comes out, but he's like, fuck you. Oh, it's the back again. Like it is though he is there, he is us in the scene. Cause Davey's like, hey, Dad, you sure do miss fuck your face. Fuck, I just wanted this conversation to continue throughout the movie.

Boys, I know I ain't always done right by you. Boo, boo, fuck you. Fuck you, Dad. But I'm gonna get right with Jesus and I'm gonna be your a dick. Eat a dick. A dick. Again, Dad, this isn't been a black and dick

a couple of years. Huge without you. But if you're ready, like, like, like, Chorn, like, you know when you have corner, like a second, no, no, no, no, just like running up and down the sides of the giant black dick, eat, eat, like, corn. Be a family, I love you, sir. Fuck your face.

Fuck your face. Fuck your face. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much how I played out. It really is, though. They have a flower fight. He throws his flowers at the dead. Mead apology. He's in the middle of the dad monologue we know from every bad movie and he throws flowers at his face. He's like, middle of the dad monologue. We know from every bad movie and he throws flowers at his face. He's like, you know, boy, as I was park, oh, that's

ours. That's all this little little packet of poison stuff. You're not supposed to eat got me sharp corner. So yeah, so that wraps up and then we get that scene where they're walking by the major scene and whatever and they're jealous. Regarding all the various nuclear families on their way into church. Yeah, at this point I just wrote this movie is a great ad for policy genius.com. And this is, this is the first I saw of the pastor and it's Mario van peoples, which I know because I originally wrote a joke about how he looked like Mario van peoples fucked something and then I looked at the cast list and I'm like, oh, that was not a very good joke. Fuck his wife.

Yeah, right. And then came to the movie. Yeah, but he's preaching about nouns. Like I, this, this fucking sermon was amazing. It is 100% meaningless. Oh, absolutely. Right. If you reduce this mathematically, it would be a zero.

He keeps talking about how you need a capital M moment to turn them some days into today's. Those are literally the words he's used. Yeah. Fucking sermon brought to you by the posters in the teacher's lounge. Um, also weird moment during this scene, um, correct me if I'm wrong, a little boy, I fucks the shit out of Zach. What was that?

What was that? And that's the best thing. This must have been happening to Noah as he was watching this happen on the street. Like all the teenage girls turn around. Yeah, it is weird to be the only adult in this charge. Noah's just like, I brought a light. I couldn't use my flashlight either. My fucking notes are so bad.

That's so messy. Yeah. Was that like supposed to be a flashback or like? I think you supposed to be looking at like his younger self-vinchurch and remembering what it was like to love Jesus so much or something, but they really don't play it. So it really looks like that.

Little boys go and like, hey, you meet behind the church, 330, right? But yeah. I saw you, he points to his eyes, he points at Zach's, looks as though it and pantomime. All right, that kid's hard. So all right, so they're they're driving home from church and Zach turns to David and he says, I need to get out of this town is still the plot.

Got it. Do you want to sum up your thing? I have a brain brain. And we get the exact quote, it doesn't matter what we run from. It's just time to run. She's those are nonsense words. Like to follow up on that sermon. Like you could like it doesn't run what we matter from. It's just time to matter. Like it doesn't matter what you say. Oh, what's amazing is I guarantee you originally they thought this movie was going to be called Time to Run. So the slime would make any sense. Then it got changed and the actors were at the premiere just being like,

why would they keep that? I got to make that sweet, sweet hour and 20 minute. Tramps like us, baby, we were, but no, stop doing that. Keep doing that. Mona Lisa's and Mad Hatters. Nope. And then we get, okay, so I was, I prematurely wrote in my notes here, running montage, but it's not, it's a movie happening montage, right? Like it's, because there's some running in it, but there's also some Zach finger bang and ginger and

Davey stocking shelves and dad playing pool and being absent. There's some cereal. It's, there's a cereal montage and then to the running montage. Yeah. Yeah, we get dad getting good at bar pool, which is a weird addition to the montage. Like, I thought that was like, feels like a real life drunk dad just ran on to the set. It was like, I'm in the montage too. Play pool. Look at me. Look at me play. Let me play, pull with your wife. I'm not vomiting on the table. As part of the game, hit bar. You got to shoot around it, shoot around vomit, as they say. Also, does he play keep away at one point? I'm pretty sure people who made this movie think ginger is a dog. Yeah, keep away and catch.

Zach and ginger's montage might as well be him like pulling our hairs and knocking our fucking books out of her hand and shit, right? He's like, they don't know the difference between bullying and flirting clearly. One other moment in this montage, they were like, all right, this is kind of dumb. How do we spice up this mostly running montage that we did again? Uh, what about a supermarket business montage? Yes. That's in there. What's Nanny been up to?

She's doing the books. We get Nanny like just literally looking at a spreadsheet. Wow, this, maybe I could get a rotary thing that moves the things from the back. I don't know. All right. But now it's time for Zach to meet Ginger's family. She lives in a rich house and he has a poor car. Now, okay, we haven't talked about the car yet. They went so goddamn overboard on the poor car.

Right. Like they broke every single light or turn signal. There's a crack in every window. Barney Rubble is in the passenger's seats. It looks like the live action remake of cars. And this is the character played by Larry the cable guy. Yeah. It's like whatever happened to cars and like this car had a meth habit and

yeah, it's the cars behind the music. Yeah, right. All right. So he goes in to meet the parents and that we have the super awkward and it's not super like, you know, going and meeting the parents is always super awkward. This is far more awkward because of the stilted fucking dialogue Absolutely that dad's opening question is so does my daughter fuck half as good as her mother Question till you try get out of here He goes how do you like my daughter and Zach as well as she says fuck a bullish your wife? I don't get the question. I don't see. Looks like the opposite of Florida.

Do you get what I mean by? And then as if that's not an awkward enough question, dad follows up with, and what do you think about Jesus? I like three of his albums. Right now, spending time with you. about Jesus. I like three of his albums right now. Spending time with Joe. His greatest hits, that doesn't count. I wrote my notes, oh God, it would have been worth dating ginger and ruining that relationship

just to get to be in that room when dad asked me that question. Oh, I love that. And Zach's answer, I mean, it was nowhere near no level, but it was pretty good. Like I kind of enjoyed his answer. He's like, well, dad, buckle in. You're not going to like this. I think for myself. So yeah. Yeah. No, the fucking records scratches to a halt in all the cartoon characters gasp as he explains that he's Christian, but not church going Christian again. This is only in Christian movies that like, are you my religion? Yes, but not to the exact extent that you are in a way that is improbable except by my own admission.

You get out of my fucking house. But he makes a bunch more good points. He's like, remember when Jesus didn't heal everybody in every town, he went to, even though he was a magical healer of everything. Yes. John asshole. No. And dad's like, all right, well, that's pretty good. I do want fuck my wife. You got me good boy. Let me just tell you right now. I was holding on my thread, but you just snap that thread with your fire. And dad's like, I once doubted my faith, too, but I, you know, straight in the fuck up, man, stop it with the thinking.

I also doubted my faith. And then I realized that that is, that is an inside thing. So I could just pretend I wasn't and here we are. I would like you to also pretend. I'm one of the millions and millions of apostate atheists that are around. Yes. Right. Yes. We are real. But yeah, so dinner wraps up ginger walks out of the car with him and and bitches

I'm just like how dare you not tell me that you had doubts about Jesus and weren't a hundred percent committed to your religion But to be fair, I'm kind of on her side. It's like dude Can't you just pretend to be religious if you don't care, it's the world's easiest thing. Yeah. Right. Especially with our religion, you don't even have to do good stuff. No, not even a little. I mean, look, he's nail, he nails this argument. He's just talking himself out of ginger. Well, right. Okay, so that's the thing. They, like, he does this because they said in the book, the screenwriter is for dummy's book that the relationship needed to be in conflict as we moved into act three. Right. That's why they're mad at each other. Yep. So he bitches that are any, any drives away. And he backs out of a circle driveway

because it's a dumb person like me. You shouldn't be allowed to do anything in reverse. I'm not comfortable that your vehicles have a reverse gear, making a nine point turn in someone's circular driveway. And I'm facing the house again. Damn it. I'll go the other direction. This will do it.

I'm going to stand backwards and drive that way through a spoon. All right. So now I guess we've checked all the boxes on the act two screen played by the numbers chart they were working from. I guess we can take ourselves a break. But first, let me give you the act three of the hard sell here. Will conflict resolution. Will climax. Can following action find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the schmack, tacky, lurking conclusion of run the race. They will forget to do all those things into the last second and then be like, check, check. Yeah. Everyone, explain it. Come to the This is about the quality action.

It's Michael Scat pulls a gun, the movie. And it's freez SPI closing credits. Hi everyone. Welcome to terrible websites anonymous. We're proud of all of you for being here. Jeff,

why don't you start us off today? Yeah, yeah, okay. My name is Jeff. I went to a 45 minute marketing seminar at the Hilton, a very nice room. They said, your website was just a digital business card, and I figured, heck, I can do that myself. But no, no, I could not.

No, you couldn't. Very good, Jeff. And no, no, I could not. No, you couldn't. Very good, Jeff. Remember, step one, put your faith in a higher power. Specifically, wix.com. I'd like to go. Oh, please, Bill, go ahead. Great, great.

Yeah. So with wix.com, you can choose from over 500 stunning templates. Or if you're totally new, you can choose their free website design tool. You just answer a few questions, pick the site you want, and Wix builds the base site for you. Then you can customize with your own photos, videos, and more. But instead of doing that, I paid my nephew $4,000. And well, it was four years ago. And he's never going to finish your website bill. No, no, he's not.

What do we always say everybody, huh? There's always hold with wicks with wicks.com. That's right. Get started now by going to wicks.com. That's wix.com slash podcast to get 10% off. Whix.com slash podcast. I know if he's been really busy, you know, he's moving for four years, Bill. Maybe. no.

Got a lot of stuff. You know, when watching Run the Races excruciating Meet the Parent Scene, our minds couldn't help but be cast backwards by our own similar interactions. So without a movie plot to reflect on here or anything, let's look back at our own experiences for your amusement. So, young Mr. N. Wright, what do you like about my daughter? Uh-oh, I... um... I don't like phone calls, so... No, no, no, about my daughter no, no, no about my daughter.

What do you like about my daughter? Right. No, she's that. Huh. That's, I mean, a super label heavy. So I don't know. She's, uh, she's like, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, um, say something nice about me to my dad.

Something nice about me to my dad. So, uh, about that dinner, we, uh, we're just going to go ahead and eat her. What's happening? So, Mr. Luzon's, uh, tell me how you feel about Jesus. Well, you know, I'm glad you asked. Three hours later. And the eyes of a dead pig. Huh, cool, cool.

So how about the dinner? Are we eating or what? It's her kindness or smile the way she is with her friend. Honestly, sir, there's not a lot I don't love about your daughter. Our daughter's been dead for three years. So how about that dinner? We eatin' or... Huh? Did the clip from Mystic River? And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroes.

Davey was running track, Zach was fuckin' up his relationship, and baby Jesus was really sad about it. And we're gonna rejoin the action with deadbeat dad chilling at a pool hall. Oh, this is the rousing your son for running track scene, right? Or, and also rousing your friend for his son running track. This the weirdest choice for a writing,

is, oh, I hear your son runs like a runner. Yeah, this random guy in this pool hall was reading the paper to learn about the high school track breaking news. And he's describing that to us. And of course, coaches there too, right? And dad's like, yay, he's running some gay track or something. And coaches like, you should be a better dad. And then the dad's like, define better. He's like, third, this is just the beginning of the third act, man, not you, not yet. But it's, it's here also that we learned if Davy takes first place in tomorrow's

race, he'll go to state championships. Get that million dollars prize, prize gold track. Yeah. Get out of this town. It's, it's, and he literally like runs up to the coach and he's like, you stop saying nice things about my kid. Yeah. Right. But when dad learns, I guess that Dave, he's only one race away from state championships. That's all he needs to straighten the fuck up, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's about to leave the bar bartender's like, you want a six pack of road beers for leaving? And he's like, no, no, I do not this time. No. I will not. Can you pass me that leaf so I can turn it over I'll be eating later cheese Go jogging next to a gravel factory

All right, so then we head over to Davy praying before the big race And I love this because a good Christian prayer has to include all the legalese right so he's like god if it isn't your will Do the thing you are already Landing to do but if I here in refer to as the party of the first part do it here by state under the with please please make me win or lose Please, please make me win or lose or whatever you would think. It's cool. Okay. So if tracking field is part of your plan, okay, that's weird. Weird plan.

Yeah, weird plan. And I love it. That comes in on this thing. He's like, hey, man, are you going to stretch? And he's like, no, I'm just doing the praying thing. And he's like, oh, okay, maybe stretch to the prayer stretch at the same time. Loosen up the hammies while you talk to the Lord.

Yes. Well, yes, so now it's time for the big race that we first heard about in the immediately previous scene. Yeah, the race that they cover on the radio. Yes. So that's how everybody in this town is like glued to their radio listening to color commentary on track and field, color commentary on a foot race. I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah, but the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It goes on for a while too. And the guy doesn't know what to say. He's just like, running, running. If I was going to use a verb to describe this, I would, I already said, run, run would be the verb though. Yeah, that would, uh, talking at all. It's run. It's very clearly main guys running. Other guys are also, I should have gotten names before the race.

I don't know who the protagonist is. I don't know. All right. So, okay, you guys know ovals. You guys know ovals, right? You should find no one. See this thing. It is ovular.

So run. They even include the, it's actually really hard to tell from here who won. So in a second, they're going to tell me and I'll tell you my color commentary is I can't really tell what's going on. Yes, but all the kids run, but Davey runs the runniest of them all. And now he wins. race. And now we're back at church. I wanted him to get side tackled by the evil black guy during the race. But that's just another concussion. Oh, well done me. We'll get there.

So, okay. So now it's time to head back to Mario Van People's Church for more of his bullshit banal drivel wisdom. I got some football metaphors for this. If you don't have faith in your football coach, I'm sorry. That means trust that the one I'm thinking of is trust. The right. Your coach exists.

You know that and it would be negated for if your coach, you know, told you all the son that he rose from the dead. You would stop trusting. Or if he told you to massacre your bride on your wedding night, if she wasn't a virgin, you would say, no, coach, that's not how you play football at all. Fuck. Damn, I thought this was gonna work.

Hold on, hold on. Seems like a good one. All right, guys, like a box of chalk, let's fuck, that's the other guy I got. Okay, the devil is Bill Bellachek. You get it? I think this is a good start and we can work from here. And the sermon accidentally wanders into real reality for a second and he doesn't know what to do.

Faith is great. I mean, okay, faith with action. So really just the action. Action is great. Am I here? What have I done with my life? I am not necessary. Let me check my resume real quick. God stuff. Don't fuck a lady. Oh, I fucked a lady.

Damn it. Yeah, I'm a little somewhere. But of course, dad shows up for this particular sermon because of that leaf he turned over at the bar. Um, I at this point dedicated an entire page in my notes to just what's the plot written while holding my pen like a dagger, right? So, but, but church ends, Davey hangs back to Jesus it up with dad a little bit more. Yep. Hey, Dad, are you, you all better because you're Christian now?

Yeah, I mean, it's not, it's not the end of the movie, but it's close enough that I'm in a, yeah, short answer, yes. I resolved my conflict off screen and entirely in my head. Yep. And we also get the bros talking to each other. Um, bro, what are their names again? I don't know. Zach and Davey. Zach and Davey. So yeah, Davey's like asking him about how it went with the date with, you know, with Ginger's parents. He's like, did you fuck it up? Did you, did you present the problem of evil to your girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What did we say about listening to Atheist experience in the car before a day? You guys in the middle of an ill-defined act three conflict. Yes, we are. What do we do? We should running montage. Running montage. At this point, my notes just go, there is at most another half hour to this movie. And it is not about anything, not yet. No. And okay, so this running montage, this was the

peak of my best worst, right? Where like the directors trying to do artsy of them running through this dead town. But again, the car, he's like, what about just set the camera in this poop right here? This is human poop. I think Look at this lay this lady's doing math at a weird angle. That's fun She ain't gonna find no vein between her toes. All right. Now she's running from something I don't know. Maybe she's just decided to run. She's math running. Oh, she's running at us. Oh, it's coming right at it. All right Bring down That's a wrap everybody Now it's time to resolve that. The movie just ends in a tackle with the camera by Matley.

Boom, boom. No, you're right, it's just... Oh, God, that would be my second favorite alternate ending to that. This movie. Government took my baby. Alright, so now it's time to resolve that conflict with the love interests. So we head back to the hospital. He shows a fucking ginger is there doing her work. He shows up and he's like, can you forgive me?

And she's like, for what? And he's like, right, are we done? Yes. Yeah, and then they are not bad and the fucking screenwriters tear out another page from their screenwriting for dummies book well what i love is that she goes she goes you really hurt me and i just wrote my notes man a conversation with me or no i might kill the

ha ha ha ha she just be handing me sticks and stones at the end of it. That's good. We're going. Please. Already. All right. But yeah. So, but no, they they've resolved their conflict and then hug it out. Hey, hug it out. He leans in for the, uh, for the ass out hug. He's a, he's a. He's not touching.

They might as well bleep out a kiss. It's so bad. Sensor and bar appears over their faces. All right. So now we're back at the fucking poverty fire. And Davey turns to Zach and he goes, Hey, Zach, as long as no more medical maladies, perform me an act three, my track scholarship is going to get us out of this town. And actually the whole time you were training me, I was training you for football, running sport. Lex on wax off that. Yeah.

Doesn't relate. Well, but what is his plan here, though, that he's going to get a track scholarship and they come with, you know, but you have to let your little brother come to rules. And therefore, they'll both be able to go to college. I would like to bring this sock puppet and my brother to college. No, it's just like a little league draft. You get the brother option. If you pick one brother around four,

you automatically get the option of another brother, round eight is how college tuition works. Yeah, exactly. But just then, Davey has another seizure. As though the movie ran out of ideas, like you literally see all the characters standing around being like, oh, there's no conflict left in the movie ran out of ideas. Like you literally see all the characters standing around being like, oh, there's no conflict left in the movie. Davey, you wanna take a tell? Oh yeah, absolutely.

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm to pick the first one and they're like, no, I don't want the other one. Round eight. I didn't go to the same team. I feel like me and Eli have similar amounts of little league experience. Absolutely. I'll tell you what happened in my little league, the bunter was yung for the day. We rotated the little league players out on racks on rails. Yeah, we had more little

leagues in the back. All right. So yeah, so now we cut to the hospital where we learned that Davey had a super seizure. He can't run track anymore. This is where we get the great bed pan humor. Yeah. He's asked him to dump his bedpan. He's like, oh, I mean, yeah, you're my brother and I love you and you're sick and he's like, no, you would have touched my poop, gay. You're gay for my poop. Yeah, that was when the couple next to me was like, peeing poo. Right. Yeah, right.

The only things were allowed to laugh about fantastic poop is universally funny. I feel like if the writers heard me say that, the lighten here would have just been in the brother going, poop! And the couple next to Heath would have left exact same amount. Yeah, right. He goes, no, I'm kidding about the bed pan thing.

Just pray for me. He's like, okay, so it wasn't the bed pan that was full of shit, but. I'd rather dump a bed pan, honestly. Yeah. And the pastor said that was done of shit, but I'd rather dump a bedpan, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. And the pastor said I was dumb by accident. Shouldn't I mean do a real thing?

No. All right, well, then Zach goes out to the waiting room to get some nanny wisdom. And nanny's wisdom here is so fucking stupid, right? Like nanny just lists all the bad things that ever happened to her life and say, but I'm happy in this exact moment, therefore all of those things were necessary. Yeah, it seems she's like, I had over two of hers and I cried every day for a year.

I just wrote, seems excessive, every day, you didn't do Christmas, you cried on Christmas. Right. And then she's like, but the world makes sense now. And like, does it? Like now I'm a 65 year old supermarket magnate, living in swamp crotch Florida, this makes sense. It's all coming together.

Oh, love. How depressing was the describing grandma thing in this monologue where she's like your grandmother was a nice person and a child. That's all. That's all. That's all. It was described something my grandma did that's real right now. Too slow handmaid sale.

Well, she basically she's like, well, you know, God gave me ovarian cancer and I was mad that I couldn't have kids, but then I realized this because God wanted me to take care of the two of you. And then Zach's like, oh, but couldn't you have done that with children of your own and no cancer? And she said that that fucks up my thanks. Shut up. Shut up. She just stands up.. Oh children of my own fuck I'm gonna go poison a lot of food in the grocery store. I'll be back But the whole fucking scene and this is the pivotal like now is fucking you know problem of evil question is gonna get answered here The ironclad logic is the Texas sharpshooter fallacy, right? I'm here therefore this must have been where God was aiming. Jesus yeah, but shit sucks, but God loves you. So he has to be real. Otherwise, he couldn't love you and I wouldn't be allowed to say that sentence. Problem of evil is solved. The two sentences go one

right after another. She's like, life being bad doesn't mean God doesn't love you. He loves you so much. The end. That is my logical for Christmas. Yeah. So armed with that wisdom, Zach drives home to get Davie some hospital gear. We get to the house. He's just like, sadly, look at pictures for a while. Yeah.

It's really depressing too because he's doing that like, Hey, God, duh, this is why is it so hard to pray? I feel like this is crazy. I feel crazy. I feel like a crazy person, unless you respond. No, crazy, crazy, person. I love you, Don. And then he's like, Lord, I'm done running. I'm hope. Just please help me find a better vehicle for the climax. This is a bad thing for me to say because tomorrow I'm actually kind of run away. Yeah, we don't know. Metaphor. Are we?

Is it a metaphor? No, it's just a little run. It's a little run. A photo metaphor at this point. Now, yeah, exactly. No, let me explain. I'm done running, but I'm going to run the race. I'm going to call it that.

Yeah. Jesus. Okay. So yes, he prays with great difficulty. The whole time there's a goddamn fish tank bubbling in this scene Just to remind me how much I had a pee at this point So then Zach gets back to the hospital with you know the the goodie bag for Davie and dammit if deadbeat dad isn't there Deadbeat and everything all that hell up and again credit where credits do this scene does not devolve into the I forgive you

He's like, oh hey fuck your you. He's like, oh, hey, fuck your face. And he's like, oh, son, it's like only one of them is in the movie. And the other one's just like, fuck your face. Yeah, but ultimately, Zach forgives his dad because I have to pee, dammit. And then, you know, what, the conflict number two resolved rip out another page there. Yeah, it was just whatever, whatever happened in this movie, plus one more time being like, sorry, and then he's like, we're cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. Was that a fourth apology? We are good to consider yourself forgiven.

Let me ask you something. Do you say no to a road beer anytime recently? I did. I did. I did. Just the other day did Swap for energies Six change man

Yeah, okay, so now Davy wakes up Zach's bias side and Zach's like hey man I brought you your Bible and he's like good. This has been working so well for me so far You want to read about some horse sticks And and then he says and I just want to make sure I got this right Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha them on the line. Is it odd turn for the conversation? I'm going to say it right now. And you know how you're asking me to pray for you? Yeah. Well, I did. I prayed like I never prayed before. All right. Wow. That's great. And then I prayed for me. Right, wow, that's great. And then, I prayed for me. Sorry, what?

You prayed for you? Yeah, yeah, I was just like, I was like, Jesus, if it's your will, send me a, sorry, sorry, just no, quick thing. I'm in the hospital with a brain thing and you switched over to you for a second during your prayer. Yeah. Well, you know, because my girlfriend and your girlfriend is mad at you. Yeah. I know. I know. I know I heard about that. I was right before I had four grandmaw seizures. So yeah,

no, I heard about that. But I feel like, you know, lock it in here. Are you mad? I just wish your prayer was a little more focused on, you know, stuff that matters. You're mad. Fuck your face. He's mad. But yeah, but now Zach loves Jesus. He's like, you know, I went into that house and atheist and came out of believer and Dave is like, that's great. So you had a conversion that happened entirely

in your own head and weren't on camera at the time. He's like, yep, he's like, we are nailing this movie thing, huh? I believe you though. So, you know, that's like we shot it. I feel like you're the main character now. And then because this movie was only boring and not nonsense up to this point. Zach is gonna run in Davies place at the state finals. What's that? It's not how anything works. Somebody else. No, the last name is match up. It's fine. Wouldn't that go to like the guy in second place or or like lacking that someone who'd entered at least one track competition at some point this year? Are they twins?

Are they supposed to be twins? No, because they're not. I really wanted this to be true. So some kid can just be like, ah, I'm not going to make states, but this is you saying he's going to be ready for me. Just put it, just put the his times under my name. Just a tipy tapion. He is my brother. Wee moms racially cool. So she's a striped. So he goes to tell the coach about this dumbass plot twist and the coach is like, yeah, what's up? Sure.

All right. I'll cheat for you. Yeah, the coach is supposed to be like, I don't care much about track and field anyway. I wanted the other kids on the track and field team to be like, hey, coach, you're standing right here. I want their story so bad, right? I want the kid who is the second best track runner in that entire school story. Ge here, Davey sick.

Wow, this is my chance to get a scum. I'm blaring his brother in front of him. We're having sex. Do it. Is he on the track? Team shut up. Shut up. I wanted to see Zach faking a seizure at like the state championships.

She's like, no, look, it's me. Dave with the much brain. He only he can shake like that, right? Look at me. Maybe I'm murder suicide. My whole family later, just typical Dave stuff. Brain injury. All right.

So now we're at the big state competition time for a pep talk from the coach. a little later, just typical Dave stuff. Bring it. All right. So now we're at the big state competition time for a pep talk from the coach. And the pep talk is basically, look, man, this isn't even really a fucking sport. This is like part of a sport and you can play a whole sport, fuck this track and feel bullshit. Yep. I cheated track and feel I'll kill everyone on the team. I'll put them in a bus.

I'll let the bus roll into the river. Great. She's just got stronger. We're a football team. Any problem. He actually asked the coach at this point. He's like, hey, you really think I can win this? And the coach is just like, no.

Nope. Everyone else has been training and they have ACLs. This is the dumbest plan ever. What are you talking about? You have an injured knee and track is not just running. Yeah. Also, your brother doesn't look like Groucho Marx. I don't know why you think that's a good plan.

Stop putting your leg in my hand. But then just as they're easy about to go out to the race, the Florida scout from before is at the track meet looking for football players. What app this guy, this all got so out of control. This is all such an obvious crazy lie. Someone came in and they were like, you wrote the ending, right? And he was like, did I? He runs the track, but the football scout is there. And Tim Teebo was like, I love it. I'm going to go not be gay. And friends with Eddie George. So he would be the scout. That's actually Eddie George. Yeah, no, it is. It is. Yeah. And by the way, yes, college

teams scout track players for for running back and wide receiver. Yeah. That's true. It's a G Kill Elliott. Yeah. Huge track star. Yeah. I thought they kept the track stars on racks at the back. Right. No, and we rotated a man when they need no rails on the football. So I looked, I looked one little detail here. The coach is like, no, this is dumb plan. It's stupid, but I guess we're fucking doing it because the movie's almost done. Let me give you some advice. And he's like, so you're a football player, right? Imagine a track like it's four football fields. It's 400 yards ballpark. So just imagine four football fields like, like it was complicated otherwise. Yeah.

He's going to be. He be confused, but I don't understand. But as a concept, put it into terms. I know when you get to the end of the football field, you're going to want to stop. Don't continue. You're going to think it's the end, but there's four. So it's kind of in your head, unless you're at four, don't stop. And then you think that's just go five. I'll stop you. Run real fast until you're done running. Yes, exactly. You also have no ACL. So everybody's going to be way ahead of you. Now that I think that when they stop, actually, when they stop, that's the end. You'll know.

Let's Eli as running coach. You're going to want to run fast. Yeah. I didn't ever run a coach and they do over his life. All right. So now they're lining up for the big race. So the big foot race climax of this motion picture. Oh, but no, there's more to it than just a foot race. Okay. So I read a bunch of reviews of this one going in because I hadn't seen the beginning of the movie and I was hoping somebody was going to clue me in on what happened at the beginning and one of those reviews. But even in the most apologetic trying to find the good side of this movie reviews that I found, they all were like, and then you get to the fucking race and it gets goddamn

stupid. This is like the dumb review. Yeah, right. The dumb reviews are like, and then it was fucked from that point on. It was fucked because as Zach is running at the very same time, Davey is in the hospital dying. The starting pistol. It is starting pistol. Man, I'm at the last. Oh my God, I was weeping with laughter at that point, and the couple next to me was weeping with weeping.

It was the best. They were so mad at me because they were crying and I could tell and I was laughing. Now just multiply that by 63 and imagine they're all 15. That's exactly what happened to me. I started cracking up when I realized this is where they went and I was like, they're not going to let me stay at the end. They're not going to let me stay at the end. I have to stop laughing when I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, it was so good. And he's running the race and like the cross cut with the die and then he's running the race. And he's like, he's using the great advice from coach.

He's like, all right, left turn, right? Don't stop. Don't stop. Just another. For the whole field. Easy. But then, but then he loses the fucking race, right? He loses the race in David dies.

And I would commit any number of felonies to go in and recut the movie so the credits start right there. Absolutely. I wrote if the screen goes black and the words fuck God. Just appear on the screen. This is my favorite movie. Oh god, no, it's such a good ending. Should have prayed for an ACL.

That's on you. So okay. So now Zach's driving back home. He's all excited because the Eddie George was impressed. So he calls Nanny and Nanny's like, that's great. But, but I am not going to make sure you're not driving before I tell you your brother's dad. I'm not. I'm not even going to tell you to pull over first. Oh, I wanted him to be leaving a message for Davey. Dude, you're going to die when you hear this. We're going to really die. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. But he needed almost a whole scene to get over Davey's death and a montage. There's a montage of sad moments, they're happy moments with the brother from earlier in the movie. Yeah, technically not a running montage, but it's it's almost all running stuff. There is running in the montage. Yeah.

It's at least as much of a running montage as the running montages have been. And then there's the scene where like dad and Zach are remembering Davey by the giant garbage fire that seems to go 365 days a year in their yard. So they're sitting there with his pictures and I thought they were going to burn them right? Like a like a getting over your ex thing. I don't think this is what we do when a child dies. Dad, no. The role man, that's what I did with your mother. It says throws the body onto the fire. Okay, that was excessive. You want some nice cereal? So yes. So dad gives Zach Davies Bible and he's sure happy about that. And then he's over it, right? We cut

immediately from that to Zach smiling dumbly at a football field, looking at the banner that says, Davey was voted athlete at the year of the year at Bremerton High. And you thought he'd never amount to anything. The shittiest, smallest banner ever. It is, it is to us this tiny little three by four banner. It's just a fucking post it. Yeah. It might as well be an eight by eleven sheet of paper that's taped on three signs. This is Davies ghost hovering next

to him. Aw. They printed word art and black and white. And also, by the way, judges there as if to say, no, the writers did not forget that I existed. And to. And now he's violating the first amendment at a school. Well, right. Okay. So yeah, he's sharing his testimony about how his little brother is his hero because of how well he died.

He can hold his breath like nobody's business. One of you die right now. God killed my brother, but in nicest way you can imagine. I totally get it though. Nice way. Also everybody needs to stop running and embrace who's chasing you. It might murder you, but still.

Oh my God. So that's it. So the relationship between him and the girl was an analog for Jesus keeps asking us out and we keep telling him no. Oh. We need to take the restraining order off of Jesus. That's what the movie, I just got the message. Just wanted him to be like, and just again,

quick reminder, that message, I am not the speaker for the school of shooting. Work shops are not taking this advice. I just saw you guys gathered together here and thought, you know, why not? Yeah, but his testimony is basically God killed my mom and my brother and then he broke my leg at the height of my football career.

He loves me. God needs to get me to it's a bad time. Right. All right. And then Zach goes off to play for the Gators and it's hilarious to see this kid in a college football uniform because he's tiny. Yeah. And then they show like other football players around him and he's so goddamn tiny. Yeah. It's like watching my wife go out for fucking the football team. And then the movie ends, but they MC you it.

Yeah. There is a Tim Tibo post credit scene. It's the, of course he had to be in the movie. How many times do you think before they started shooting Tim was like, just to be clear, I'm in the movie and they were like, yep, we're absolutely part of the movie. Okay. Okay. I mean, the movie throw a spiral right now.

You can be in the movie. Oh, come on. Don't be dicks. Just account of it's an end over and spiral like? It's spiraling. It's spiraling. Pick six. That's a completion.

Yeah. Right. All right. So I have actually have a Tibo question to close things off as well. I'm going with the, I'm going with nine here over or under number of times Tim Tibo said, wow, this is like a real movie Ha on this set. Abs.

Oh, wow. Over. We are over. Yeah, over. All right. Well, that's going to do a far review around the race, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to set things back in motion for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, we're headed back

to Nollywood with a series that's got at least six installments that I've seen on YouTube so far. A playful wife. Oh, good to like playful. No, pray like one who prays decidedly not a pun. Yeah, exactly. Nollywood, I'm guessing that is not a pun. Okay. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up so 184 to one merciful clothes. Once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a pre-episode donation at patreon.com. So I got off of them.

And they're by your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows. The skating a the accentation needed in the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher the show and all your various social media platforms and if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our Stability shows and scanning a of the Accentation Need and the Skeptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can name out God off from movies.jm.com Legal Services to the spot, cast a provided by the offices of P. Andrew

Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnikov, and we will draft some of Mars, although the music was written and performed by our audience on your Martin Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neely Bostick, I'm Noelus, it No illusions from us to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club clothes. Tim Tibo went on to get out of that shitty Florida town and become a minor league outfielder for the Mets with their team in a shitty Florida town. And also Binghamton, New York.

Where you live from. Yep. Noah went on to have his name add a disson list in Lake City, Florida. Zach met girls who put out in college and dropped ginger like a hot rock. We're gonna get Canadian Buddy houses Morgan. You can get a Canadian Buddy house too if you want. Morgan, you can live in my house.

You want to get yourself a Canadian Buddy house. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2019. All rights reserved.