God Awful Movies - 204: The Mystical Laws

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

On this week's episode, Mark from the How to Heretic podcast (listen here) joins us to desperately try to convince you this is all what really happened in the movie. --- Come see us live in Virginia Beach! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-virginia-beach-tickets-63066905813 If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

There's just one little moment I want to touch on in this like freaking out about China thing. They're like, oh no, they're coming for us. Their ships are landing any moment. And then one guy goes, I said we should make a stronger alliance with America. And another character goes, no you didn't. Again, I want that conversation to continue. Just, no you didn't, Kyle. Well, I was gonna, but you interrupted me. No, you always do this.

This is why you don't have two siblings in your war cabinet, right? Because they just... It's the same fight they've been having before to hear. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Oofy, Oofy, Oofy. Oofy, Oofy, Oofy. Oofy, Oofy, Oofy, Oofy. Oofy, Oofy, Oofy. Oofy, Oofy, Oofy. Welcome back to God Offer Movies. For each week, we sample another selection from Christian cinema or occasionally Buddhist spinos in anime. So you don't have to.

And know as a Disney World, dressed as a Native American little mermaid, making evangelicals cry. So I'll be hosting this week. I'm vague adjective, he fend right. And sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, welcome back. Thank you, hey, hey, you know what religion makes sense? What's that?

Mormonism. Mormonism. It's got a nice solid foundation. Really? I understand. The entire book. I read about that. Yeah. Certainly makes sense in comparison to what we're going to be talking about this week. And sitting somewhere in a Utah city made of pure gold and laymanite jaw bones is our amazing friend Mark, the How-To-Heretic

podcast. Mark, you're welcome, by the way, for involving you in another amazing cinematic experience. Oh, thanks, Keith. Quick question. What the fuck did I do to you guys? Like, you had some laughs and a few drinks and looked at Mormons in their natural habitat. Why the fuck are you doing this to me? If I could pull your pig tails and push you down on the playground, I would mark.

I really, really, really, really, but this is what we have. All right. And just in case anyone's not familiar already, you want to tell us a little bit about the How To Heretic. Yeah. So the How To Heretic is a podcast I have with my two pod partners, Dan and Doug, who you've heard on this fine show before. And we were kind of a little safe space, a little landing spot for entry level skepticism,

atheism, anybody looking to find their feet before they find their way to the scathing atheist and freak the fuck out and go back to Drake. That's right. Gateway to us, which is the gateway to whatever religion your wife is. Cash gets it. All right. Let's get right into it. So tell us, Mark, what are we going to be breaking down today?

Well, I don't think there's anybody out there who hasn't seen this movie, but if you just in case you haven't seen this amazing thing, we watched The Mystical Laws, which is an anime feature length plus movie made by a Japanese cult. That's a little bit Mormon, a little bit Scientology, and a lot of it fucking crazy. Oh, and it's really got damn long. Yes, it is. Long, but delightful. I must have it. Oh, fantastic. And Eli, how delightful was this movie? Well, if you love doing acid, but you hate the calm, realistic state of mind that follows you love this movie. This is it gets crazier the movie. It's also significantly longer than an acid trip,

right? What are those six, eight hours now? Oh, yeah, yeah, Max. And is there anything you guys would like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I would say, and I think this wins by a country mile, best worst protagonist. This guy is essentially inert. And it's like, if you cast, you cast an empty pay less shoe store as the lead in an event and Avengers movie, he literally dies in this movie. And the minutes after he's killed are the least wooden parts of his performance. And he's God. So it's great.

Also he's got several gods. Maybe he has some, which I don't know, all the gods. He has multiple, multiple meditation montages. Yeah. Med meditation is sitting silently and thinking about nothing to be clear. And then that's great travel. That's in the movie a lot. Yep. All right, I'm going to go with best worst understanding of how McGuffins work. Yep. And just be clear, McGuffins don't work at all when several main characters are literal gods of the universe. But they still need to create like 19 different vague magical objects for no reason, all of which conflict with each other. There's like a golden bucket.

There's a golden scepter. There's a shark dragon made of vapor. and of course, space dinosaurs will get there. It's, yeah, it's shark dragon versus McGuffin versus McGuffin versus McGuffin versus McGuffin the movie. Yeah. None of the matter. None of the matter. No, no, no, no, versus ultimate destructive weapon, which is only important because it causes an inoffice fight. Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention one of the McGuffins, a nuclear, but they won't say nuclear bomb something else. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to take an easy one.

I want to give this movie best worst unsuddle villain name. The villain of this movie is called Tatanaka killer. That's not even slightly exact. That's literally the name of the guy. Tatanaka killer killer. Well, they're very established family in Indianapolis, the killers. He's been killed. It's game over on the fuck very philanthropic. My family built this country. All right. Well, I'm going to go redeem all these plot coupons we got. So we're going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll tell you all about the Deus Ex Machumentary that is the mystical laws. All right, everybody. Welcome to the first ever board meeting of the Empire of the Golden Sun. Okay, so let's go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Brian Hickenbacher,

I'm from Austin, Texas, and I love to water ski. Okay, next up, who's next? I am Takagata Killer. You're gonna go? Though my origins are unknown, I bear an electric whip that I use to kill my enemies. Okay, I'm Lekha Chai. Sorry, just really quick. Circling back, your name is Takagata Killer? That's your name? Yes.

I was supposed to go. Yep. Yep. You know, you were next. That's true. Sorry. Just again, want to be clear, your name is Killer? What's your dad's name?

Dave Killer. Dave Killer. That's your dad. David Killer. Sweetish. No, it's not, not sweet. Oh, excuse me, I was supposed to go. Really?

You want to follow deathemic death face? Great. No, go ahead. Fine, you're next. Right. Well, I'm like a chan. I am super genius CEO and I have a magic bracelet that stops demons from choking me. I already hated here.

Put the evil empire. And we're back. And this one starts off with some shockingly modern logographics for a cult religion that got started in 1986. Like all the best religions do. And they're called happy science. Happy science. Their cult is named after science having an emotion. So not a promising start, but that's what we're starting with.

So I was raised in a cult and I have a podcast, as you guys know, where we talk about cults every week. But I didn't know, as you guys know, where we talk about cults every week, but I didn't know anything about these happy science fuckers. So I looked them up because I had to make sense out of this movie. And wow, it is some premium weird shit all the way. So God waited a hundred billion years all alone for earth, the planet of love to happen. In addition to believing in sexy Swedish ladies from flying saucers, they also want Japan to fully remilitarize gain nuclear weapons and restore the emperor. Yep.

That's not right. They are not good. Or it is truly the stolen crazy from every possible religion and belief regular listeners will have heard the first movie that we did of theirs and they only get crazier. They only get crazier. And by the way, this cult is organized around the idea that China and North Korea are teeming up to Newk Japan and take it over. Both because, you know, to Newk places, you got to go from two different angles or it doesn't work.

As the movie will emphasize later, it's the simultaneousness of the Newk clear. It's got the same time. Really matter. You got to do a 10 count at the beginning. Yeah, you cross the streams. They're not dangerous until you cross the streams in nuclear weapons. So just to be clear, this movie is a warning of what happens if the happy science cult doesn't get their way. So to open it up, the year is 2020 X and Totally not China with a swastika as it symbol is taking over the world. That's right. I was really struggling here. I'm glad you pointed that out. You lie because I was really struggling with the the obtuse symbolism of the golden flag, right?

It's almost exactly a black swastika on a blood red banner, but it's not exactly exactly like the little squirrels, so it's swastik-ish. It's like more tasteful. So I couldn't make heads or tails of it. Yeah. And by the way, there was a coup in the Republic of East Asia that caused this like Nazi China to become big.

So like East Asian big brother was too liberal. And now this is what's happened. And we hear from the narrator, like the narrator might as well say, this movie is stolen straight from 1984. Also all the Kurt Cameron Rapture movies. We just took all that stuff. We made Kurt Cameron read 1984 for 48 hours in a row without sleep, food or water. This is the movie he wrote as a result. Mr. Galanz, the author of the name for this movie is Must-Hate China.

Right. Yep. So it's time to see just what these bad guys can do. So we happen upon a group of happy learning Japanese school kids on a tour of one of Japan's many beautiful shrines. Right, Ed, we get tiny little moment, but it was super fun for me. One of the girls is like, you know, oh man, look at the shrines. And I've heard about this like crazy crazy interesting thing that happened with this religion. And then the dude standing next to her is just

like, who the fuck cares? Religion's dumb. I'm hungry. Yeah. And he has these like a 16 year old kid with a 55 year old man's voice. Yes. Yep. The voice acting in this movie is so bananas. Yeah. Yeah. it's like they cut takes from other like fundamation shows and they were like, I have this jumble of words that if you can feed into a computer at the right timing, we'll technically voice over your movie and happy science was like, we'll take it. So yeah, the kids are standing there talking about trines and stuff when suddenly the earth shakes. And I thought, oh my God, it's coming up out of the ocean.

They think it's their, their mythical monster dragon, but no, it's Geridite from the Middle East. It's ancient Jews from Palestine coming to Japan and their wooden submarines. See, I knew this is why you guys had me on this week because this is a secret Marmot movie. Pretty much. Yeah, it's, it's the God on Empire with their, so they have invisible submarines. And I guess this whole scene is to let us know that there's submarine invasion of Japan worked because the golden empire has blocked Japan's radar satellites. Yeah, something. Vision, it's unclear.

Yeah. Yeah. And the go to empire, by the way, that's the Nazis who took over. Yeah. And yeah. And we're in their boardroom for a second, I guess. It's like confirmed that their submarines are working.

And these guys are so racistly drawn. They're supposed to be Chinese people, very obviously. They don't say the word China, but everybody, all these cartoons look like King of the Hill tried to draw Chinese people. It's so rough. Yeah. This is also where we're introduced to the head of technology, Lake Achan, a spoiler alert, whatever you think is going on with Lakeachon, you are wrong. It's also true by the end of this movie, right? You're still wrong. Yeah.

So she blocks the radar of Japan and masked bad guy, Tattakaka killer, gives her a sticker that says, very good. Yes. But did you guys feel like this was, you know, kind of a formal board meeting and she, she, the slit in her little Chinese dress went to her hip. Yeah. I feel like that was a lot of thigh for professionals. Absolutely.

She would have been brought in. And we judgey. Yeah. Wonderful. It's important. So now we cut over to, to Booby City. I didn't write the word subtitle, Sid. That's what it's on.

Where, Booby City. The invaded Japanese are being helped by the happy science, called Spursion of Doctors Without Borders, the Earth Doctors. Yes. So, I think somebody lost a bet in this movie and that they had to use the word earth 12,000 times if they were going to get their final check. Yeah. We'll show that throughout.

These are the earth doctors. By the way, in my notes, I wrote as a joke, as opposed to the Mars doctors, way more on target than I thought I was going to be. We're technically doctors with a border to edge the planet. If you want, we didn't want to be inaccurate. There you go. Yes, doctors. Right. And so we meet our protagonist, showed Shiri Shou-shuru-shuru-something.

Shishimaru. Shishimaru, I call him Dr. Handsome in my notes, because he never develops a personality. And he is helping an old lady whose family has just died by giving her a hot beverage. That's right. If you're dehydrated and in shock on a super hot day, you know the comfort of some scalding hot black cup, no lady. You want some fun, do in a cup? That's what we got.

There you go. All better. Don't miss your grandkids now. There we go. And do want some fun, do in a cup now. Right. So, show is slaying as a doctor and then mid conversation about like who's going to invade them and how much medical supplies come in who should walk in, but the

mother fucking general of the earth, doctor. Matthew Modine. Yeah. Yes. There is. Oh my god. Nobody I've ever seen. He looks more like Matthew Modine than Matthew Modine does realize. He's true. He's anime Matthew Modine. Now, we should point out that every single time this character will walk into a room, no matter what is going on, gunfight, laser battle, alien confrontation, everyone stops to go, oh my god, shut up. The generals here, you guys. It's the general. It's the general. And I only point that out because, can you guess what position the leader of the happy science called has given himself in the earth, doctors. It's the general.

He is the general. Yeah, he's the general. Yeah, doctors, doctors typically give themselves military rank. Exactly. Non-profit. Yeah, it's always a military rank. Exactly. On profit. Yeah. It's always a good sign. Yeah.

So general comes in and then he and show staring to each other's eyes for 45 minutes. For ever at each other. Hit me through this. What happened here? Do you guys think that this is just lazy animating that if you don't show anybody's mouths moving? You can just take five and just have two people stare at each other and let's say that frame's good for like a few, for like a cigarette,

right? Yeah. That's half the movie. Yeah. He stares deeply at show and show stares deeply at him, right? And show gets a psychic vision of him getting shot to death with a silencer of all things. Yeah. But doesn't mention it. But says nothing exactly. How do you not be like, Hey, you know, this, I know this sounds crazy, just little thing. Have you ever been murdered like in the past or the future?

I don't know. No, I'm sorry, just never, I pretend I never said anything. You'll be great. It'll be great. Yeah. So yeah, the general and show staring to each other's eyes for a, for the eagle in the village in the 19 early 90s level of time. And then I didn't want you to get murdered. What? Yep. And then the general leaves.

Now I feel like I definitely did. I wanted so badly for someone to be like, Hey, show question, how come the general was looking at you like Noah looks at a Chinese airport smoking lounge? No reason. So we cut to under the sea where the goddamn empire has destroyed all of the US aircraft carriers, you know, all of them. Yeah, that's right. And this is where we go to like Japan's war room. Yeah. And they're talking about how like there's this thing called article nine, which I think is a real thing, right? Article nine is real. Yeah, it's real. And apparently Japan has an army, but for no reason, because Article nine is like, yeah, we're not allowed to use the army to protect ourselves ever.

That's our rule. Right. It was America's and stay down after World War II. And what it means is that they get to spend their money on like social services and healthcare and roads and trains that go faster than ourselves. But the happy science called hates article nine. So they are using a vast percentage of this movie to show that when the Chinese Nazis invade, they're sure going to regret article nine. Let me tell you right now. Well, you know, and it's truth, they are actually a defensive force. They do have a military that can stop an invasion if it were to happen on their own soil. Right. But because happy science is this right wing militarist cult, they just pretend that it means it's just mass suicide,

it's national suicide. Even though we have an army, they just have to shoot them. They're all cardboard cutouts now because they're exactly. Yeah. It's really more of an outfit thing. Shit, we should have thought this through. And this is where US President Tom Bucks gets on the line. That's the name of the president. He might as well be US president Kyle White guy. Freedom dollar sign. Call ball eagle. Yeah, the president. Yeah. And did you notice when they cut to the Oval Office for some reason, there was this portrait of Abraham Lincoln on the wall that they photoshopped off some website into the animation Where it's like a Francis Bacon painting it is fucking nightmarish mark has copied it into the notes and the word for it is blurry

A bit Abe Lincoln in the back exactly. It's gonna kill on a steam sale Right so so the president asks his generals, what are his options? And they're like, we have to surrender or die. And he's like, Oh, no. Um, meanwhile at the totally normal and not at all, it's called Hermes Wings headquarters in New York. Yes. Everyone is, um, exposing about the leader of the gold empire, Taka Kaka, Taka killer. Yeah, enough cop killer. So look, I mean, the first shot inside this place is hilarious. Is it really a secret society when you order a giant carpet logo like that?

You know, there's an order form and then you get the printers proof back and then some POs and invoices. Then like nine guys come install it. How secret can that be? Right. Not a secret rug. Yeah. No. And what we learned about Takabaka, Baka, Killer here is that no one knows where he's from, but everyone from the military who does remember a guy in the military who wore a mask all the time. So, you know, he's probably the only member

of the military who wore a fucking mask all the time. Yeah. Well, maybe not, we don't know. We don't know why he has the mask. He came up all the way through the, nobody asked, it's social contracts, he just don't, you don't mention the mask. Yeah.

Well, the military is typically very cool about that sort of thing, right? Yeah. Your own identity, how you express yourself. Don of thing, right? Just your own identity, how you express yourself. Don't ask, don't tell about the mask. I'm sure, first of policy. And I love that what the spy agency is, you know, the secret Hermes wing spy agency has gathered all their intelligence and gone out on a limb to conclude that Tha-Tagata killer may not be his real name. that thought to got to killer may not be his real name. I just wrote in my notes, you think?

It's a great bluff though, with the mask and the name, not to get to killer and the swastika's. It's like too obvious. Like, you know, we're going to look like bigots if we accuse them of being Nazi Satan, but you know, he is not. We think that we think that thoughtachagata might be a nickname. We're a secret underground cult with bases all over the world and I can tell you our intelligence is gathered that his real name isn't murder phase tincting tinct. So it's time to check on the bad guys in their headquarters and it's decorated in what

I want to say, bad guy, pure one. The layer section of pure one. Yeah. And one other note on their HQ layer here, you know, Tattocaught to killer is in a giant throne and then there's like a room with a conference table. But it's so goddamn far away, the truth. They like the throne is like eight rooms away from the table. And I just wanted somebody to dress up. Be like, hey, man, can you just just slide the throne in or is there a roller?

Can you just get some casters? I'm sorry, sir. I can't hear you over there. I'm just, I was going to make a hand with this. If there was an 11 minute scene of him scoaching Ford in his chair, this is my favorite movie of all time. So I got you know what? Pick it up.

We're scratching. We're scratching the floor of unthree beautiful there. One two, two, one three. Come on, Dave. I'm going of unthreative. Beautiful. There. One, two, two, one, three. Come on, Dave. I'm going to kill you with an electric whip. Right. The bad guys are, the bad guys are worried because real quote, we are a dead goose if they decide to nucus all simultaneously.

Is the simultaneousness of the noks. The threat is that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a bad drug combination. One at a time, they're fine. Right. They combine like merge dragons. Yes. It's a joke just for my wife, but that's okay. It's staying in the show.

No, it's not here this way. So yeah, they're worried about simultaneous nookin. But luckily for them, what condom murder has invented the ultimate destructive weapon. Well, we're not sure if we're going to call it that. I love, why can't they just give it a fucking name? There's a line where somebody says his glorious majesty will name the weapon once it's completed like a christine

a christening or something. Yeah, they have a legit argument about this. They're like the ultimate destructive weapon. And then they wrote an animated a guy going again, just to be clear that is a placeholder. Uh, Tinkaka, uh, Indian burn is going to name it finally. It needs to be a really good pun. I don't like bomb diggery stupid. So I see this is what I'm talking about. Just pin in that we're going where we will go back and name that though. Come back. It's a working title.

Don't anybody fall in love with the working title. That's a classic mistake. Right. So what this bomb does is it creates a six trillion degree fireball. trillion. Yep. Just 400 sons. Case anyone's wondering.

Yeah. 400,000. Sons where a thousand. Yeah. And then it launches that fireball via catapult. It looks like in the animation. Yeah. I'm picturing angry birds with a giant son.

Yeah. And uh, Laka, of course, is a little bit worried because that would, well, that would 1,000 percent destroy the earth. Yeah, exactly. Right. But here's the thing with this type of board meeting. You don't really want to ask too many questions because Tatigata killer, first of all, that's his name.

Also, he has a lightning whip that he takes out when people ask questions. That's right. And he also dresses her down, right? Yes. Like, look sugar. I'm an emperor and a military man and a genius scientist. I'm also wearing a petite little ballet mask, delicate slippers and 400 yards of creamy yellow silk. What am I to norm core for you? Pretty much. Pretty much. He says that and then he electrocutes a guy who asked too many questions to death with a whip. Yeah. Another guy's like, Hey, can I ask a question about the whip? Wait, are you, it feels like you're pulling the whip back out again?

It's my question. I would throw the question. I would throw the question. Right. Meanwhile, in the Ajanta Caves of India, side characters are digging up a magic. But what about the Ajanta Caves of India? Sorry, nevermind. No, you're about to touch. No, it's good. I'm glad you were the movie.

The movie was on it. Oh, thank God we got to India. And all I'm going to say about this scene is the subtitles of this movie are good. The dub of this movie is good, but they are different than each other. It's like the two guys in charge of those departments hated each other and refused to communicate in making this movie. Totally. I completely agree.

I was so thrown by that the first time I tried to watch this thing. It's like there's clearly a fight over context going on. And they're both right. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. And this is where they're discovering underground a beautiful glowing golden muguffin.

Chamber pot. I want to be all that. I want to be all the munk who finds it to be like, oh, thank God, I've been holding it for 80 years. Doing that noisy guy at the baseball game, Pee. Come on, and use the stall. You know that you do that. Just, we don't have to make eye contact. Fun fact, if you ever have that guy at the bar, the baseball game, just outdo him in orgasmic noises, and he'll never do that again for the rest of his life. I promise you, you know, just, um, I'm a bad boy.

You also won't be welcome at Yankee Stadium ever again for the rest of your life. So yeah, you punch one guy while he's taking it. Anyway, I'd be worth it. It might be worth it. So with that mystery developed, it's time to head back to Japan where the Hermes, not occult wings, is helping someone we don't know escape from the Gaudum Empire's thugs. Yes, we're in a bunch of rented white monsters. Okay, I don't know what property they didn't buy, what copyright thing they were afraid of, this ultra high tech evil empire run by a guy in a ballet mask with an electric whip drives nothing but like Dodge Stratuses and Mazda Toyota Corolla's the entire movie. Well, you can take any car on the lot, but you take, you know, you've got to go out of the

economy section or it's an upcharge, right? Right. I mean, you don't build an empire by being an idiot with money. Right. So they have a little car chase here. Right. And really the entire car chase is just for them to be like, okay, well, just to explain the plot to you, Mr. President of the United States, Tom Buck.

We set up a giant network called Hermes Wings in case a character from the Maccato ever tries to take over the world with a son bomb and create a Nazi empire. So that's where we are in this movie right now. To which the president responds, oh, that's great and totally not a cult. I'm happy to hear that you've been working on that. You're welcome wherever I am. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah. Well, and then of course there's the, the turn right left. No, turn right where, you know, he has his premonitions and the other guys in the car

are like, oh, yeah, he's got premonitions like, you know, cops making fun of the guy who's got gas in the squad car. Get along to Johnny. Yeah, but also like if you actually do because they find out in a second that he was right that he did have a premonition, maybe just explain the rest of the movie right now, man. Explain what's going to happen. Use your premonitions further. Tell Matthew Modine never to go into a supply closet. Yes. His premonitions will be interesting to say the least. Right.

So now we check back in with the God-um empire, where two soldiers outside of Lake Achan's house are expositing her. Some more. Yeah. They're like, well, that Lake Achan, let me just read from her resume that I have right here from this, this 30 under 30 evil genius ladies article. Let me tell you what she does. Yeah, I feel like you could see the Wikipedia reflected in the guys glasses. So, you know,

there's it's two security guards sitting in a Humvee going on and on. Well, she's a then she graduated from the Soap bone in 2021. Then she moved and took a gap here and went to America. And it's like, it's a good thing that these writers joined a cult rather than going to film school because, you know, if you flunk a cult, they just murder you. You go into film school. You got to repeat the semester. It's embarrassing. You know, she started night capital and she crashed into one of the markets with high

frequency trading. Yeah, that was her. That's crazy. Yeah. And she sort of has a sad moment while they're expositing. And I just wrote in my notes, if she breaks into, it's not easy being green. This is my favorite movie. So with her vital exposition out of the way, we had back to Hermes Wings Tokyo branch where oh my God, the general's back. Yeah, and he's here to tell them that there's a mole in Hermes Wings. There's a Nazi mole.

And also to point out that the Nazis are invisible. Now, they have visibility technology. They have invisibility powers, but that's, because the general is going to go full Marianne, mother fucking Williamson, and he's going to retaliate with real quote, love and justice. But then he's like, yeah, also, I'm probably going to get murdered, like right away. So show Shishimaru, congratulations, you're next in line to get murdered. You're next. Yeah. Guy I meant once and know nothing about you are in charge of whatever all this is. We're the guy I booked four minutes ago. There you are. You're in charge of a cult now, son.

I mean, just in case I die, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't wink. Am I right? I'm gonna say, well, he actually does it a little more officially, Eli. He says, I hereby announce my successor. And I think when you say hereby, that's like legalese. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Right? Yeah. I have it at the front of all my child pornography. So your position will be light of hope. We'll be the name of your job. Yes. His official title is light of hope of the world.

Right. So get murdered. Are you, you're, you're making me get murdered? I see visions, you know. Well, how do you qualify for that? Is that just a, is that night classes? Like what do I need to know? Just like an online certificate you buy,

but you have to take a quiz, but you've taken as many times as you want. Yeah, it's, that's passfail. Yeah, it's a pretty good doctor without border. So, you know, now you're in charge of taking down a magical Nazi emperor. Go. Now you're a cult. And there's just one moment I want to touch on it.

So like he says, like, hey, you're going to be in charge of the God cult. Give her a blah, blah, blah. And, and shows like, oh, I don't know if I can handle that responsibility. And everyone sort of does the murmur, murmur, but one guy in the back goes, we love your show. You're gonna mail it. I would you could tell the voice actor was speaking into a microphone, but trying to do a far away voice. Yeah, we love you show. Echo and for we, quiet quiet.

He's doing crescendos and dacreschentos by moving the mic. Hey, man, that you're not. Don't do a run. Don't, he's doing a run. I just want to say it now. I want that guy in all future chosen one moments in movies.

So my new successor will be Shoshimaru. I don't know that I'm up to the task. You can do it, show! Thank you, Dave. I can pull the sword from the stone. Fuck yeah, way to go, Arthur. Yes, thank you, Dave. Lord, please take go Arthur. Yes. Thank you Dave Lord, please take this cup from me. Woo Jesus you can do it. Jesus. Jesus

Jesus Jesus not the time Dave. Sorry. Sorry my bad. You're the worst Just like that, exactly. And then right after that, he's like, yeah, so you're light of the hope of the world of the whole thing. Quick thing, you'll also need to find the antidote to 400,000 sons. The Incas invented it back in the day. And it's under Lake Titicaca. So just go ahead and grab that and we're all good. Yeah, the invented it and tossed it in the day. And it's under Lake Titicaca. So just go ahead and grab that and we're all good. They invented it and tossed it in the lake. And this is where they definitely prove

that Shoshoshoshoshosh is a moron because he is so fucking wooden, but he also repeats everything anybody says to him at half speed. So the guy is like, you must find the sacred symbol. Then there's a long beat and he goes, the sacred symbol. Yes, God damn it. You keep doing that. Don't she. Yes, I just fucking said it. Just say yes when you hear what I said. Oh, I hope someone murders me soon. And indeed, like literally, there's you are I'm killing you. Yeah, literally just as they finish saying Lake Titi Kaka, they get attacked by an ambush of invisible, but now visible not see not invisible. Yeah. Yeah, the point that the best time to become visible is right in the moment of attack. Yeah. The Hermes wings security guys are like, I see what you did, but I

can still see it. You're just like gray and fuzzy and wearing a giant swastika outfit. You're, I mean, pretty, pretty conspicuous shoulder patch really gives you a way there. So yeah, that show and reinoe, remember reinoe? No, you don't because he will be introduced and die in the scene. Show reno and the general, they all hide in a supply closet, but reno turns out to be the mole. Well, such a bummer. Yeah. I was really getting attached to that guy. So, uh, so he shoots Matthew Modine. Yep.

And then he points his gun at show and shows like, all right, so I get it, you're the mall, you're gonna kill me then. And he's like, no, no, I have a speech. I would like to give first, please. No, Mr. Bond. Damn it. I wanted to do my monologue when you were both alive. Okay, great, but I need you to like react like the general would because you're now the

head of it. So just like, give me both parts. Anyways, he's you. And then as he's in the middle of his monologue, he gets pepper sprayed by a monk. Am I wrong? Suddenly monk. Yep, that is exactly what happens. So to be clear, a Tibetan monk, assuming good guy at this point was just standing outside of that

supply closet, waiting out the little speech. And then he was letting him get mid speech. He was like, I don't want to go right in because that's like, I didn't get to say anything. But it's probably started with a good joke. Let me get to that. Webster's dictionary defines villain. All right, I'm going to go right in with this. He's a talk from me. Yeah. And so he hits them both with knockout gas and they fall asleep.

So show wakes up and the ancient monks who dug up that pot a few minutes ago are watching him sleep. Well, not until we start the scene of this gripping action movie with about three solid minutes of just looking at the top of some curtains. Yep. Right? And I'm like, oh, what happened to the movie? Hey, animators of this movie, you know what they call an animated movie where things don't

move or happen? A painting. It's a painting. If we can get a painting of his mind space while meditating. That'd be great for another three minutes. Perfect. Yeah. So yeah, they let him know that the general is still dead, but they knocked out his murderer

and him with the sleeping cats. Right. They're not murderers that they said that themselves. We're not killers, yeah. Okay, but didn't you guys just, you heard him explain that he's a literal Nazi spy? I feel like this if there was one time that we could murder. You hear me explaining that we're not murderers. And then they let him know that he's Buddha.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And the only character in this whole fucking movie that isn't a hurry to deliver their shit lines is this 400 million year old Buddhist monk with asthma, right? He just, this guy just run through his lines as fast as he can. It's like getting feedback from Noah. He's like, your Buddha and he's like, what do you mean?

And the monks like, I mean, you're fucking Buddha. What do you think I mean? I mean, you're sitting on Buddha. No, you're Buddha. You are Buddha. Come on, dude. Come on. You saw us find that golden mcguffin. It said you're definitely a Buddha and a magical luck dragon. Just be ready for that too that we'll come into play. Yeah. And again, all he does is repeat back to these monks until they get entirely frustrated with him. They're like, you are the light and hope of the world. You mean I'm the light and hope? Yes, jeez, can you not fucking hear me?

He's trancey the gardener. Actually, I know I said it right back to you. Do you guys mind if I flash back to somebody else earlier saying a light of hope for the world also? And then they actually do that. They do. They do, but then of course, there's skeptical younger monk who's like, you'll have to forgive me,

but there's an intense interview process, son. Are you Buddha? Yes, that's exactly what the Buddha would say. That's what the Buddha there you go. Yep. But remember, they found another planet urn. Yes, this is where we learned that the ur they dug up earlier in the movie is 2,500 years old and made of alien metal.

Yes. Also, look, it's pure gold, but not of this planet because it would have been impossible to have a gold earn from 2500 years ago, just ask the makers of the golden treasures of Tutankham and Stoom, which was a thousand years before that. Good, good job, Colt. Yeah, it's monoatomic gold, apparently. That's right. Yeah, he's about to leave, too.

He shows like, okay, I'm the Buddha, I don't know. I gotta go, I have a real thing to do. I gotta go to Peru and find the opposite of 400,000 sons in a lake. I really don't have time for this. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, have you read any David Eich? He's like, okay, go on, go on.

Yeah. Well, then they give him this book. And the guy says, he gave a book and says, learn about your true self. And he looks at the book and repeats back, learn about your true self for like three fucking minutes. Yeah, it's the monks given him the book was fun too. I was like, oh man, they're about to give him a necklace

and a demo CD. It's gonna be a whole pain in the ass. But he reacts again, like you do when someone gives you a book. He's just like, oh, a book. Yeah, I'm gonna get right on this, because you love to read. I do, I do love to read the books I choose for myself. Thank you.

For inserting yourself into that process. I love that you didn't wait for me to ask if you had any recommendations, just gave it to me. Oh, you're giving me a blank essay book with, oh, with an assignment at the top. Cool. No, this is very fun because I didn't have any assignments. I needed an assignment.. Haven't had homework in so many years. Sorry, with the death of the planet inevitable, show gets right down to work, establishing himself as the head of Hermes' wings. It's completely unclear what he's actually doing, right? So they show him walked to like a neighboring fucking county in real time. And then there's a montage of him lecturing the HR department of like an orthodontics

supply company. It was no dialogue, which is great filmmaking. And then we pointlessly cut to a scene from the pre-crime department of minority report for no reason at all, just the sad music binds it all together. It's so dumb. He's just like, Hey guys, conference room really quick. So I'm the Buddha. That's a just small thing. Also, this Nazi world takeover. It's going to be a bear. Like we're going to need extra hours. It's going to be, we're going to buckle down. Broom, buddy. It's gonna be, we're gonna buckle down. I'm gonna go meditate.

Great, bye. I wanted to do like a developer's conference style announcement about it. It just brings up a picture of the Buddha on the screen. What does the Buddha mean to you? You. Introducing me. Light and hope of the world. Everybody repeat this back to me. No, one at a time,

one at a time. You go. It says, says right on the business cards here. There it is. CEO, manager. Go ahead and pass that. The world passed that around. Yeah. I will need that back. Yeah. So we check on a walk-a-walk eye poke who's doing his affirmations in an empty chair. What's happening in the same? That's right. Yeah. The Nazi cobra commander is like just talking to himself. Is he talking to himself for like the fucking wizard of Oz? It's really not clear. Very unclear and will never be answered. He's actually talking to an empty chair, and I was like, is that you, Clint Eastwood?

I think you wonder that mask. If the mask comes off at the end of this movie, and this was Clint Eastwood, once again, my favorite film. Worth every 900 minutes of this thing. Still better than Gran Turino. Right, but he's just sitting there being like, I'm the only perfect man on earth. Isn't that right, Wizard of Oz? Also, can I ask you a question, but don't do the lightning

whip thing because I know I've been doing that to people who ask questions and then he gets lightning attacks. He lightning, yeah, he lightning attacks himself. Because he angered his inner that's him. Simon because this guy. Okay. I thought it was how we orgasmed. I was like, why did he do that? No, it's definitely marketing.

Yep. Yeah, it's totally it. That's how they both the all the men in the killer family have a very intense orgasm. Have a very strong electricity based orgasm. Yes, I get it. Look, Google and trainer, but we're supposed to get the hint that there's like an evil demon inside of him, right? That's

kind of what's being claimed here. Right. It's sure. Meanwhile, in Japan, show is meditating again and gets interrupted by a glowing body pillow. What's happening? What is this? Oh, or an ECE that he comes across in a, yeah, beautiful grove of pink flowers falling down from a tree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, after 59 minutes of an establishing shot of the trees blowing in the wind,

we finally get to the, you know, Gaysha goes to appearing to him. Yeah, and it turns out that this lady is the protector of the heart of the spirit of Japan. Yeah, and she's doing a killer job of it too. Yeah, and he's like, you're real? And she is this amazing moment. Again, that they just kept in the movie where she's like, I mean, you see me. So yes, I am. I'm real. A magical protector of Japan. But, you know, article nine's really fucking me over.

So I guess she says that article nine is the problem and that devil's in the world represent all the evil rape murder and atheism that's our list yes, devils cause all the evil rape murder and atheism in the world and while she's saying that they we see like books behind her to represent all the evil we have um

I think it's supposed to be Richard Dawkins, but I'm not sure, but we definitely have Marks Nietzsche, who people who watched the last movie know is a great villain for this cult. And Darwin. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I said her main ghost power is like a haunted tour of magazine subscriptions.

This whole movie makes me feel like I ate a loaf of ketamine. My sense of time is completely fucked. I don't understand anything anymore. Yeah. So he's just like great. So you're a God. And there's other gods too. Oh, so you're like in a league of gods. Did you guys want to have a quick meeting about giving extremely powerful technology to Nazis? Or just creating Nazis? I don't know, just it seems like this is on you. Maybe you guys could do something. Yeah, but no, not at all.

In fact, he asks her directly. He's like, can I change the future? Because I'm seeing these bad things with my visions. And she says, this is real. I can't tell you if you I change the future? Because I'm seeing these bad things with my visions. And she says, this is real. I can't tell you if you can change the future, but I can tell you that nothing will change if you don't try to change the future. So get in there, sport.

Get in there. Yeah, I just wrote in my notes, what? Hey, I get the chore of God, but have you heard of the trolley dilemma? So no action, no change. That's not universal. And of course, she says to just the right fella that a savior that will start a new religion is needed.

Now, Mormon here, Gaysha Ghost, we are way ahead of you. We got this back the fuck up. Yeah. In cringing on Mormon territory is a big part of you. We got this back to fuck up. Yeah. We're encouraging on Mormon territory is a big part of happy. We've got a weird rapist that did just this. So back off. Back off. Exactly. So now it's time to head back to the golem empire. So Lake Achan can nag Benihana iPoke about the sunbombs some more. She's really worried that thing is going to blow up the world. And she's, they're in the like even more Larry

Lair part of the Lair now. And she's like, hey, just this occurred to me just now. Is this a fucking Lair? And he's like, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay, but you know, do you see all the catwalks? It just feels like we're the bad guys. They always have cat walks.

And there's like, yeah, clearly a weapon labeled most destructive weapon. I know I made that, but it's, it's in layer and it just kind of all came together for me. Yeah. I don't know how I thought this was all going to turn out as a peacekeeping mission. The whole sun bomb thing. Maybe I thought like a big cook out or something. Look, I want

to own this too. I want to own part of this. Well, and he says to her, you know, he's trying to impress her, I guess, and he says, soon, I shall become the sole ruler of this world. Long pause, the supreme ruler of earth. Again, twice with every fucking line. What like they were struggling to get this up to a lean nine hour running time, I guess. And this is where evil co-pure commander Nazi guys like, yeah, so we're going to test the giants on bomb and she's like, we're testing it. We're going to test it. Testing it on which

continent. No, no, assume that's going to catch the eye. I just feel like the good guy is going to see it. The 400,000 sons thing, you know, there's a lot of photons there. Right. But he gets sick of her backtalk and he tries to demon choke her. But luckily, she has an, an anti demon choke bracelet. Yeah, that's a good standard issue. But she doesn't really use it for anything impactful. She's just like, all right, well, don't make me do anti-magic on your choke using my bracelet. All right, well, that's it. Fine, that's it.

I'm doing it. I'm rearranging these couches with the pouches. Yes. Well, you first see throws the couches at her and they'd kind of miss. And then after she gets free of her, his neck breaking thing, she is, she's raised to put them back. Like, yes, she, she, she rearranges the living room, which is no wonder you think she's good wife material. There you go. go Feng Shui in your face eat it My notes for this scene is she's leaving are you mad you seem mad Lake a Chan Chan don't do this anything when after I said I love you

Is this because I tried to choke you with my deal of hours? I'd love to see the on- screen series of texts from like two hours later. Hey. That was weird. I'm sorry. It's been crazy at work lately. I'm taking over the world. I've got this ultimate destructive weapon to name,

and I'm just totally blocked. And then just her bubble, just her little thing bubble coming up. I see that you're typing into the thing. I know I just said, hey, and you hate when just a hey by itself. And now I'm following up before you said anything. I just, it seems like you're about to, you go, you go, you go. This is a text leaving Sakanaka killer on red. Still better than this movie. Right.

So meanwhile, it's the golden empire in the Sea of Japan. Japan is freaking out about the whole Nazi China thing. And the government is useless because of the title 9, which means that Japan's only chance is a giant, a-headed cloud dragon summoned by a body pillow. Exactly. Yeah, right. Exactly. That's where we were just leading.

That's what happens. And there's just one little moment I want to touch on in this like freaking out about China thing. They're like, oh no, they're coming for us. Their ships are landing any moment. And then one guy goes, I said we should make a stronger alliance with America. And another character goes, no, you didn't. I want that conversation to continue. Just, no, you didn't, Kyle, well, I was gun up, but you interrupted me.

No, you always do this. This is why you don't have two siblings in your war cabinet, right? Because they just, it's the same fight they've been having for 40 years. And you guys remember when all the good guy nations wanted us to be their friends. Over that guys. Oh, that was fucking the day. Yeah. So right, the ships are about to land and take over Japan, but that's okay, because body pillow lady summons a giant eight headed lizard cloud dragon called the righteous holy beast. Who the fuck was in charge of the name? So this movie, I want them to see a fucking shrink and then repeat grades two through 12 like they need more help than any of us are qualified to give.

Right. And she summons this dragon because I think we're to assume she's a goddess and she hears the US call Japan and be like, I don't know guys, I think you guys need to deal with the Nazi empire because you're closer. I think FDR actually said the same thing. So you know, history. Yeah, very stirring. Just America sends them a text of us with our finger on the tip of our nose. Not it.

Oh, shit. All right. And I got to ask this woman, if she could summon the righteous Holy Beast to save all Japan with just a shake of her little leafy wind chime, where was she in the summer of 1945? You know, she comes back from vacation. Oh, God. I had the flu this week. Wow, a lot of your shadows, a lot of your shadows forever and concrete. Yeah, but farts out a dragon in his own and they fight.

It's a dragon battle and an evil dragon wins. I wanted one guy in the meeting to raise his hand be like, oh, you have an evil cloud dragon to fight the good one. Sorry, sorry, just a lightning whip myself. I'll just. I hate to be the guy who always, who, you see every solution is a nail when he's got a hammer, but this like dragon versus dragon really seemed like the most.

Right away, use the dragon. Just forever when we have a thing, you just use the dragon. Great. Yeah, I see, I see now how dragon fits into a lot of situations for, you know, Nazi empire taking over the world. It's just all dragons. And what this movie was missing was a jarring shift in terrible animation styles. So I'm glad we finally got there. Yeah, the animation team for Balkanesh took over for exactly 30 seconds. It does. But they'll be back. They'll be back. Yeah. So yeah, the the band dragon wins kind of because the good dragon will be back

later, but but the the Jive evil Chinese Nazis start to invade the shores of Japan by harassing kind of a little fishing fishing village. Yeah, they're like just going like fuck shit up pushing people around. Right. So that's that that's discouraging for show, to say the least. So he, um, he goes to Japanese body pillow lady to ask her, you know, what she would say he does here since his future vision and meditating doesn't seem to really be working. And he's like, I don't, yeah, I was meditating, but don't you have a fucking magic dragon too? You wanna, you wanna give me the spell for that? I'll do the spell if you're tired of doing the spell.

I don't know, come on, lady. I wouldn't give him $2,000 if she just turned to him and said, you're kind of a shit Buddha. Also really quick, can we meet somewhere else? You're, I mean, we just keep, you're a goddess. I feel like I'm wasting a bunch. I'm walking up to this grove. It's there's like a big steps thing.

It's really buggy here. Like I know it's not when you're here, but when you go, there's a lot of bugs. A lot of bugs. So apart from the bugs also, the Nazi invasion is happening right now. We're wasting a lot of time, just a lot of time. A lot of, there's a lot of commute going on with this relationship. There's also this. He constantly keeps saying, well, there's nothing I can do to change this. And it's like, no, dude, you're one unarmed, slow, witted, terrible cartoon

character. You cannot stop an amphibious invasion with overwhelming air support. It's like he's the one on fucking ketamine. It really is. So yeah, we get a, we get a couple of terrifying flashes of the goldm run Japan where people aren't allowed to speak against the government. And, um, and the weirdest possible taking this movie, which is that if China takes over, they'll make us apologize for the rape of Nant King. That's right. And that's the thing is I read about this, these fucking happy science loonies and they absolutely deny any Japanese atrocities in World War II so there's no rape of Nanking, the Korean comfort women never happen, not the baton death march, but sure, it's science, you know,

happy historical revisionism science. I'm just saying, they're stealing a lot of the Mormon stuff. They're taking the picture thing. Thank you for that Eli. They owe you guys some kind of royalty. That's all I had. Andrew, if you're listening, we're suing happy science. We're suing happy science on behalf of Mormonism. We're taking their dragon.

Right. So with Japan in that terrible estate, it's time for show to sit down and meditate, like he means at this time. I wanted it to pan over and there's like another guy meditating also out in the forest in the middle of nowhere. And it's like, dude, I'm, I'm the reincarnation of Buddha. What do you do?

No, I am. I am. Oh, it's because we're both trying to go in the door at the same time. I need to pivot. You go first. Maybe those fucking monks were just covering their bases and they told a bunch of guys, right? Oh, yes. Scatter shot. Yeah. You just play in the odds. Right. So he meditates himself into space. Yes. And I literally wrote in my notes at this point, not knowing what happened next. Sure, meditating in space,

like you hold the earth, show me some fucking god eagle or get the fuck out. And who should appear, but mother fucking god eagle. Actually, it was Maroni, clearly. Maroni coming to bestow the Melchizedic priesthood. I mean, the sacred ritual. That's what I mean. Yeah. So this is happy science is Maroni. And he comes to the head of this cult slash all the protagonists in all of their movies so far to be like, hi, I'm from an unspecified Native American slash Atlantian place. I am you in a past life.

You have performed the sacred ritual to call UFOs. Here's my friend from Venus. That's right. I'm a Deus ex-deus. I'm just Deus. I'm God. I'm God. It's going to be fine. Yeah. So there's exactly this Venus guy. So no, there's alien druids, which for a movie where nothing fucking happens, it really does have it all, right? Yep. And then there's the best question ever. And this is where the the the dub in English completely fell off because it was amazing where he just said, why are you? That's it. Yeah, nice. But yeah, we learned that there was an advanced

civilization on Venus. Yep. And they all died. Well, because the average daily temperature on Venus is 864 degrees Fahrenheit. So. Well, that's why their skin is blue. So yeah, so the, the, the God Eagle guy who just appeared while he was meditating, I'm not making this up. We watched the movie. You have to believe me.

The God Eagle guy who just appeared. He was the ancient king of an incand empire. And now you need to take my glowy Venetian transporter to Lake Achan's house because she is a protagonist now. That's right. Suddenly. So the Venetian guy says points to this like beam of light and says, please ride on this. Now next time a strange man in the forest wearing a cape says, please ride on this. You'll know better. It's a bitter lesson, but a critical one for every boy to learn. Absolutely. Trust your Uncle Mark. It's in the dangerous book for boys. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, now we know that if Nazis ever start taking over, we just need to get the God of the Inca tribe and the ancient race of the planet Venus to help

us out. So again, obviously, good information. And now that we're all resting easy, we're going to take a quick break. But first first let me give act three the hard sell. Will a nuclear hedgeman run by a Nazi take over the world? Yes. I know why you two should realize this 2012 movie was inspired by prophetic visions from God. When we return for the extremely accurate conclusion of the mystical laws. All right, thanks everyone for coming to the second meeting of the Golden Empire. Okay, first real quick. I just want to reemphasize that any in office conflict should be brought straight to HR.

Also shocking someone to death with an electric whip is officially unacceptable. Didn't think I would have to say that. Sorry. That's me. That is on you. I'm looking right at you. So good. Okay, that's all clear.

It's fine. It's fine. If all move past it, we'll be right. Okay. Like a chan, you have a presentation for us today on the ultimate destructive weapon. I do. The ultimate destructive weapon will release an explosion for 100,000 times the heat of earth's sun. But I warn you, it could destroy the earth. Um, the power, the power. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, you're, you sound excited, but really quick, I just, I'm just building a speech actually.

I was going to hold. Yeah, I got that, you're building a thing, but it's a quick question from his chan. So your thing that's 300,000 times hotter than the sun. 400,000. Right, right, 400,000. My bad. How does that not destroy the entire earth? Sorry, I don't understand the question. Sure. Sure. Yeah. No, let me be clear. You said it could destroy the earth. How does placing something 400,000 times hotter than the sun in any possible way not definitely

destroy the entire planet? Well, honestly, I'm not sure. Okay, well, that doesn't help at all. So I'd like to vote now. So everyone against destroying the planet with the admittedly aptly named ultimate destructive weapon. Everybody against Everybody okay, everybody's against it great. Oh really? Oh, man, you weren't you were the well, yeah, I'm sorry better luck next time. Okay. Next up Tata got to murder. I noticed you raised your hand just now. You were the only one, but different thing.

Why are you wearing a mask? I was wondering that too. Yeah, up. It's for science. Sure, right. What science though? Don't just say science again. Just be more science. Okay. Let's take five. Can we all take five? I'm from Venus. Yup. Yeah, we know. You keep saying that. And we're back.

When we left off, the reincarnation of Buddha was flying a China on a Venucian spaceship to give a magical Nazi Empress a stern talking to, I believe. That's what I'm saying. In, DD was, and I just want to say this now, he floats on over and what race are you is always a bad opener? That's right, that's right, exactly. Before we begin, let's make sure everybody knows what race we all are. That's just good get to know you manners and our imperialism of politice cult.

You know, eugenics. The happy science. He actually says, he sees the Nazi Empress lady and he's like, you know, look Asian. Yeah, well, I mean, neither do any of the main characters. It's not. Did you see ghost in the shell? That was racist, right? So he says what race are you?

He means what alien racer you were about to learn, but she gets mad and she, she like ties them up with her, like special bracelet, but then he calls on the angels of heaven and the angels of heaven grab her. Right. Previously not introduced, but did you also notice that her alien wonder woman Lasso thing had a very clearly dedicated camel tell restraint? It did. Very much.

It was tying down the head of his pain very, very clearly. Look, she's learned from Taco Baca killer that you gotta tie that thing down firm. Oh yeah, she's not dummy. But yeah, she gets grabbed by these angels. And again, my best worst for this movie was almost best worst power I didn't know I had until a second ago. She's like, wait, you have angel powers and he's like, yes.

Oh, that's nothing. There's more. They really, the angels, they hate regressive feminist magic and you were doing the Wonder Woman thing. So at this point, he's not only has he met a Venus butler and he now meets a Swedish alien from Vega named Theta. So her name is Theta. So happy science is just Scientology minus the long honorable history and gravitas.

Okay. Yeah. Minus the publication history. Exactly. Yeah. And she explains that her people came here from Vega as immigrants. And I wrote in my notes, oh, how awesome would it be if we just had an hour of them filling out forms for the next of them moving?

Waiting in line at the office. Oh my God. Oh my God. They said come Tuesday. Having their babies taken away. Okay, come on. We are white aliens. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. So she explains that her planet was peaceful, but there were two war-like planets on either side of her. And one of those planets used the giant sunbomb, which she now gave to Takenaka Killer. It's unclear why she gave the bomb that destroyed her planet away. Yeah, that's true. And she said that, and this is baffling, guys, and I'm not sure if happy science has

different methodology than normally emotional science. But the ultimate precious sacred super weapon killed the core of their planet, making the weather bad. So they moved into the core of their planet. I am a little lost. So they moved into the core of their planet. I am a little lost. Guys, you know, it's unoccupied right now. Hear me out. The core that just got murdered. Yep. So they all decide to move to Earth. And we get the most blatant piece of political propaganda here. And it's terrifying how, again, this is a 2012 movie. And they actually say, yeah, so we moved to earth. And we're trying to

decide, you know, where specifically on earth to go. Here's the thing. Countries that don't have citizenship questions on their census are super easy to infiltrate. So that's where we went. Right. What was it? They don't count spirituality as something and it's like, Oh, China. Okay. Got it. Yeah. Exactly. And we see them like body snatching Chinese people because they don't have citizenship questions or religion. Right. Like they tried to do it in America and someone was like, name first name and last name and they're like, fuck, never mind. Went over to China. I want to be a peasant.

Right. We get a flashback to her meeting, top of Dr. Killer, which is where they have the amazing why are you wearing a mask? Yes. This is what I'm doing in experiments. He's such a typical military man, young blogger, Laga killer with his Chris beauty form, his sweet Eddie Van Halen blow out hairdo, and his harlequin mask from Eyes Wide Shut. He is the very model of a modern major. And she's like, hello, sir, you have a nice eyes mask.

Sorry, sorry. Don't mask. Don't mask. You have a mask. Mask. Try not to look at the mask. Stop poking a mask. I'm poking a mask.

Right, but basically they make a deal that if she helps him with their vague and tough. What's the most native? Sorry, sorry. I'm curious. I'm poking it. It feels like a polycarbonate. Do you take it off sometimes?

Do you have more than one? There's no mouth hole. How are you talking? Is the dishwasher safe? Like how does this smell weird in there? But yeah, she agrees to use their vegan technology to help him and his results. He will give the vegans the continent of Africa.

Yes, the best one. I want it so badly for a flash forward to them all in Africa. Oh, hey, Theta, did you check this spot out before you arrange for this? Because it seems I want to say less great And I got to say if I'm just one note lot of Ebola Apparently vegans in their culture don't understand what an opening bid is right Slide a piece of paper back across the table at himself She also cannot hold up under questioning. They're sitting there and he's like,

are you from another planet? And she says nothing. And he goes, are you? And she's like, I'm from Vegas. And at one point, they have a little standoff too. She's like, okay, so what do you want? And he's like, what do you want? And please stare at each other for a while. Feels like they should have hammered this out before the meeting. And then finally it's like, okay, are you a magic alien who wants to take over the world? Yes, magic alien, take over the world.

Okay, okay. Okay, finally. We're at the same page. Good. I was worried you were gonna be into a sex thing because, let me tell you down there, it is just teeth teeth on

T-thon teeth you with mask during sex do you take it off for that? Nope, right and then with that the flashback out of the way She keeps this insane monologue about how she when she moved to earth She became from earth because her people are now earth people, earth, earth, earth, earth, earth, earth, earth, earth. I was dying, I was like, I love earth, people love love, earth, people, planet, love, people, planet, earth, love, planet, love, earth, earth,

earth, earth, earth, earth, like. And then she concludes, you understand the significance of my tears, which is, by the way, significance of my tears, name is by the way, significance of my tears, name of my emo solo project when he goes under. Okay, anyone's wondering? And I don't know if you guys saw this, and I included a picture just so it was very graphically obvious.

Oh, her looking exactly like a penis. Exactly. When you're looking at him over her back, her like flesh tone, vegan hairdo is a, she looks like a giant cock. She's rocking around in front of him through the rest of the moving. And honestly, if like three minutes beforehand, she'd been like here, my healing goo and she like rubs her sides for a second. Blast him in the face. I'd be like, all right, happy science cult.

You win this one. It's like one of those secret Disney cutscenes, but for like five minutes of penis. It's just right. Yeah. So with that insane conversation out of the way, show he's going to meditate some more. He's going to meditate some more. Yeah, what this movie needs is some more, nothing. Yeah, he doesn't meditate very well, too, because he's like, oh man,

Incas, God, Nazis, the fire stuff, the world getting killed by Sun's cobra commander. Meditation is really hard right now. I'm really sorry. Very Nazi's one. It's like when I meditate. So this is where we reveal the villains of the movie. Any guesses on what the villains of the movie might be? Did you guess space dinosaurs that are going to step in as soon as they fire the ultimate weapon? No, then you're not watching this movie. It's like, oh, it's the third act. It's time to introduce an entirely new storyline and new characters. If I have nothing to do with anything. So it's like the Nemoidian Trade

Federation shows up to block Earth and they're here to eat us. They're going to take people, but they can't do it until we attempt to self-destruct because that's part of the Galactic Treaty. They're not arguing. Yeah. The Diders, but they are allowed to eat us once they take over, right? So they're gonna appeal to some like corporate body of super intelligent alien beings and be like, well, they fired the sun thing.

All right, you get to invade and eat them. Okay, do you have your eye 54 form? Ah, you know, I have these tiny little T Rex arms. Can I get that to you Monday? Well, you know, without Lausie, lie, what are we? Right? What are we? What are we? But space T Rex is I say it all the time in velvet cloaks. Can you send this as a PDF? Because this I don't know what you I don't know what you, I don't know what you sent me. This, this isn't it. So show, gatherers, the humans, and the members of the Hermes cult all over the world to infiltrate the evil base to try to steal, slash, deactivate the sun weapon. Um, it kind of took me a while to land here. Obviously, this should have been the plan the whole

time. We could have started the movie here. We're going to stop the sun bomb. The three meditation montages feel really silly now that we're going with a go there and stop something planned, right? A very non-buddhist approach to this particular problem. Right. And the whole world is on board with this, by the way. That's the other detail we get here is that the planets, by the way, are all together like a living thing, the planets. And if people are about to destroy the planet, then the planet being part of the planets will destroy the planet, to prevent the planet from being destroyed. That's right.

And we know that's not true because we're having this conversation. Right, but he's like, I'm talking about it. Should have killed us fucking dead by now. And we see like a montage of like all the different countries having big meetings at their palace to be like, so Nazis are bad, right? We're going to stop the Nazis. And one of them was, it was my favorite little moment. We get to see like the Angela

Merkel of this movie be like, okay, so this is kind of funny. We're, we're teaming up with the not Nazis this time. So you guys are going to laugh at this, believe me. Oh, I wanted so badly to just cut over to America where everyone's like, I mean, as long as we don't punch them, guys, can we focus? That's right. New York Times, right in Think Pieces, has the left gone to, no, no, stop it. Has the Buddha gone too far? I love the way that they portrayed these speeches.

They were trying to make some kind of stirring visual moment here. And it just looked like the people speaking we're rolling past the crowds on airport people movers haha kind of shouting in horrendous Russian and German and i i enjoyed that i liked that it so yeah they they make plan the whole world is on it and so they um they sneak into the base using their

goggles of invisibility. And then, okay, correct me if I'm wrong here. The case, sneak into the base, the bad guys show up. All the good guys have guns and the moment the bad guys show up, the good guys drop those guns and and form a laser shield turtle. Yep, that's what happens. Yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, transfer from a unit, this like defense formation entailed dropping their machine guns and grouping up in a tight little bunch, right? Right. So they're getting shot at by the bad guys and show realizes that his people are all going to get killed. So he um, yell stop and everybody stop shooting.

But what was amazing again, this fucking guy, he, he shouts, I don't want to lose. And then the pause. Right. Any more friends, pause, pause, keep pausing, let it linger, pause, let's inhabit the silence together. Pause for just a tick, who are fighting for the earth. It's the best. Again, all I want is a real time remake of this movie so that everyone else is just standing around going, is he done? I'm talking. He seems, it's like he's moving in slow motion

between words. I'm in a show of the things. Oh, come on, he was, he was in the rest of it. He needs an annoying friend that tries to finish all his sentences for him. Right. Fighting for the people. The er, the er, no, not Venus.

God has gotten. Right, but yeah, he basically, he says, no, I'll turn myself in, don't kill my friends. And so he's kidnapped and taken. We'll stop if you stop. What are you talking about? We're killing you. You, you stop getting killed, but that one. I'm out.

But that works. I have another wardrobe note here, which is that for some reason, when the reincarnated Buddha is sneaking into the most guarded military base in the world, he chose a very smart ski goggles. Well, and a navy blue safari blazer with gold piping and really bold cuffs, you know? Yeah yeah, you know when you leave the house feeling pretty confident about a really daring outfit and only to feel like a total douche after the big gun battle and your stupid Commodore's blouse, I feel your pain. He's walking through Nazi China, the bunch of people wearing that stuff.

What are you guys doing? Uh, musical. Yeah, not just a sergeant pepper. I don't pepper. Stoned the physical goggles. Spurred, bad formation. Right. So he he's kidnapped and they take him to the public execution venue. Yes. Maybe maybe call it something else.

I don't know. Just any other name. The big, the, the kill a seam. just come up with like something clever. I don't know. But may you see the, and it has an announcer because it literally opens up with like, hello, public execution venue. Are you ready to kill? Well, and I got to say, this is actually what in place where the happy science kind of got something Chinese right. Yeah, they do, they do kill a lot of people. Look, and at least they make it fun. That's all I'm going to say. They make it a spectacle. Yeah, exactly. Kim Jong-un gets it. That's right. So show is getting ready to be executed on a crucifix or as it's otherwise known on the nose.

Yeah. But at least it was 9,000 feet tall, right? It was pretty amazing. You guys feel like it's very T-Soul. Is it too much? Should we? Yeah. Should we turn it sideways? No, okay, no, still basically the same. Yeah. Also, just to be clear, he's on the cross, but he's going to be killed by firing squad. Yeah. And I really want to know if there was like a meeting somewhere where some guy was like,

okay, so we're Crucifying him right? Everyone was like you gross and he was like, oh, we're shooting him on across Okay, all right, it seems like a weird but we're we're gonna do that in an arena It's a circular formation. We're gonna do a firing squad in the arena. Yeah, you got to be sure there's gonna be a lot of bad seats And I want it like like a because this is an atheist Nazi empire, right? It's supposed to be like a secular society. I wanted like Andrew Sidel to walk in and be like, hi, sorry to interrupt you.

You can't have this cross in a public execution venue. No good. Just tied up in litigation for years. You got to take the arms off. And then Lucien rolls in with Baffa Mae. Well, I've brought this. Right. So everyone in the world is forced to watch it. So it's like Game of Thrones that way. And then they kill him by firing squad. I have a question about this firing squad moment. They're like three, two, one.

In the cartoon that they drew that they have complete control over, did one guy fuck up the timing or did I imagine? No, they were off. Yeah, they were not in sequence. There is. It goes three, two, one. Blam. And then there's one guy who's like, oh, shit, Blam. Did you see? Did everyone see? Fuck. We're all so embarrassed. You know, there was no warm up act. They just go right to the main event, right? And I just, I just hope that people didn't pay too much for the good seats. I think they got ripped off. Yeah, you got to have like a warm up comedian or something.

I don't know. Get Daniel Tasha out there to roast him first. Well, then there's this long fucking thing because everything's a long fucking thing. This long fucking thing where they set up, you's got this gaze where he can gaze into people's eyes. So they spend all this time of having him look down the gun sites of all the executioners. And you're like, he's going to use his earth love, Inca God love, earth love, to shoot him.

No, and they just shoot him. They just shoot him. Like, why did you do that? He's dead. And Lake Achan, this is amazing. He gets shot and Lake Achan stands up. She doesn't say we shouldn't have killed him. He was the booty.

He was the whole for the world. She just stands up and she's like, I am an alien. Yeah. Also, that's the best non-sequitur. Probably should have thought of this before the Nazi execution, but I also have resurrection powers and a star fleet. I really should have mentioned this, but maybe I'll use it now. Yeah. Well, I can offer a little information here because I'm from Utah where we have to get the firing squad. And if you're going to come out as gay, that's the best time is right after

the firing squad because then it just kind of throws everybody off and then you can be under the radar for a while. So it's, look, it's when you're valedictorian of BYU and right after the firing squad because then it just kind of throws everybody off and then you can be under the radar for a while. So it's, look, it's when you're valedictorian of BYU and right after the firing squad, you've only got to join. That's it. That's all you've got. Otherwise, you had to otherwise it you want to cross. And my favorite other moment right after the gunshots, where he gets shot. And we pan over to the Tibetan monk guys who are in the audience watching this happen. And one of them is like, fuck, okay, he's just dead. I totally, totally thought he was the Buddha. We were pretty, what the fuck, Rajiv? Like, I told you that staring thing was stupid. And did you look him up? Is he definitely the Buddha? No. I asked him the question. I asked

him the question. I tell him. Yeah. You feel like this is our folks. This could be our fault Yeah, after that happens I What shows soul flies to space to be revived by thoth lamo Rantel cow or god eagle from before Ophelius Hermes and Buddha.

Yeah. Where they explain they are him, they're all souls of the same person, the future, and the past. And we made Nazis. Really makes you think? Ha ha ha. You know, it reminds me of a little wisdom

with my mother passed on to me, which is, you know, don't leave the home in a nautical blouse. You don't want to be killed in a life-loveled TV, right? I believe that you got that advice multiple times throughout your youth. So many times. So many times. So many times. Right.

With that pep talk from at least four fictional characters out of the way, it's time for show to wake up. He's fine. He's fine. So, co-op or commander guy is like, uh, murder him again, I guess. I don't know. They can't do it.

They're like, he's too shiny. It would've been the best if they just shot him again and then credits. Oh my gosh. Show's back up at thalton Buddha. Yeah, you know what? Why don't you hang with us for a little while? I don't think that's gonna work out.

Let's let this blow over. Let's let this blow over. Jesus resurrects himself and then everybody's just like, all right, crucify him again, I guess. Great. Again, I guess. The holes are already there. So that's handy.

Ha ha, get it. Handy. Oh, good one. Just a little crucifixion. Well, apparently, at per-clock, a-lock a killer can't cut the live television feed for some reason, so that's beyond his power. Yeah, he's riffing like it's the fucking Jerry Lewis telepathy. We're gonna just put the right back here in a second. I miss him. I miss him. I miss doing I miss them.

And so now it's time for everyone to have a Balganesh golden laser cloud Hydra versus volcano evil dragon battle. Yeah. So I had fallen mostly asleep on the couch with just playing and I suddenly became conscious when this was on and I was like, oh, I must have just skipped four movies. I don't know what's happening. Like YouTube is just showing me more of this stuff. No, it's the same movie.

The bad guys from Mr. There and some 90s video game characters are there and like Goku from Dragon Balls, he shows up for a second. It is very unclear what's happening in this battle. Yeah, very unclear. It's like 16-bit army of darkness. I was completely lost. Right. The good guy goddess, Lady Alien, Vega, the Venetian, whatever her name was. She's like, all right, well, you got the evil dragon cloud dragon guy coming out. I'm going to summon angels of every ethnic stereotype to be on the good guy's side. She does. She pulls it just like just a series of deleted people from the It's a small world after all right.

No, take the nose down, give it to the vagans, give it to the vagans. Yeah, they're all characters from pre 1965, Disney classics, right? Right. So they all, they all, all the animated figures fight for a second. And then the bad guy grabs the good lady and he's going to make her push the world destroying button. And he's going to kiss her. And she escapes, but he, he goes to whipper, but he misses and accidentally electrocutes himself

to death instead. I, this was so baffling. So the stupid elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective

elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective elective No, because I got up to make dinner when it started. I checked back in when the turkey was done to see if it was still going. It was, then decided a couple pies from scratch might be fun for the kids. So I popped those out after 40 minutes. And then I just caught the end of him getting electrocuted. Yeah. Did I miss some critical paythos while I was busy?

Absolutely nothing. You got all. Okay, great. The moments. But yeah, he electrocured himself to death, which makes the smoke demon, obviously, that was living in him the whole time, come to life, grab her and push the kill the world button and the curl to kill the world button. Obviously sets off a timer of, you know, five minutes and 23 seconds. It's so good. I'm in it. It's a 23 seconds. So this is the like wizard of Oz that was there before, right? That like

the demon inside of Cobra Commander guy pops out and turns on the bomb. And yeah, he sees 523. And he's like, okay, big countdown to Armageddon. 523. Nice round number. 522. Really? But Lee, what the fuck, man? Can we, can we set this to be like a 10 count? Where's I would love to hold number. I'm just going to throw that out there. Any, where's the whole number settings? Is it like a separate menu? Is this metric? And now show is going to in your aunt has been told her crystals don't work at Thanksgiving and is having a screaming monologue at the bad guy. This is just the real problem is that too many people ask for, is the only time you will speak above slow motion and it's that people ask for evidence and that people don't have

enough faith. Then he has a, he someone throws him the magic stick midway through the speech. So dumb. It's the John Gaul speech, but fucking theist instead of a kind of atheist and libertarian. It's so long. And this part especially was terrifying. He's like, yeah, humans have sinned. You guys probably think it's the Nazi thing, you know, or the apocalypse weapons.

Nope. The real sin is atheism. That's it. The real problem is not having any faith. And so he swirls around again, just like the end of any other anime, except here are his magic words to like super blast the ultimate weapon. Are you ready? Wisdom, self-reflection and progress. Progress. His magic laser firing ultimate power word is progress, like the manager at that data input job you had once in the 90s. He might as well fire the key panging in

their kit and out of his magic center. Yeah, I thought an hour and 43 minutes was a long fucking walk for the big payoff to be a coexist sticker. And I love we get a quick shot of the golden giants from the stereotypically Mongolian golden giants from Bogganesh just standing there the whole time. I guess during the speech being like, they have to wait on a speech being like, this is awkward. Are we done? Are we done? There was another great moment in the speech. I don't know if you guys caught this, but my eyebrow went up where it said, there was

like a conspicuous lack of record scratch when he said, are reincarnated beings of love are the origins of democracy. What? Yep. So he blasts the bad guy and bad guy takes off his mask and underneath his mask. Adam drivers. Oh, guy.

Nothing, he's just a guy. Like Adam Driver. He was just a regular guy, not a bad looking guy under the fence, but you'd have like, you know, scars or like, why would I have scars? Because why would you wear a mask? Science. You have like a CPAP machine cleaner for this? Because it's sweaty.

You've had it on the whole time. I wear it because then the animators don't have to draw my mouth for most of the movie. Pretty much. Yeah. So yeah, we learn for no reason. Okay, we learn for no reason that talk about killer. So it might have actually been his name was a clone science experiment. And they put him in a giant bee costume at some point.

And then the good guy says, you're also God's child, okay? And then he dies. Was there a controversy that they were like giving us a solution to here? That, like where the people who made this movie, like, well, test two babies don't count as human beings. And then someone was like, no, no, no, let's make it a Christian message that they are people. I'm so bummed that a show didn't stand up and go, today is a great day.

Ha ha ha ha. So, and because this is a happy science movie, we need one final scene to clarify the show is totally gonna fuck that Venotian. He doesn't care about the teeth, he's just, he's gonna find a hole, and he's gonna put it in. I can do tentacle stuff if you want.

I feel like we've been building to that. Absolutely. Well, I thank God before we get to the romantic moment that I thought this tightly edited turgid thriller minute was over. But good news, there was a ton more filler of random shots of trees and streets. So again, this basically like you can live on this planet. Like we spoke about before the climax of the movie. Cool. I will like it here. Oh, thank you. And then again, the final final words of this goddamn movie. It's so beautiful and crazy. She says, thank you.

It's so beautiful and crazy. She says, thank you, was my favorite word on earth. That's two words. That's fine. Two words. Two words. You could say phrase or term. You could use those. Yeah, that's acceptable.

You're a deity. The end. But wait, there's a weird dead last shot where they just go in for a little peck and then there's a close up of fluid. There's a close up of fluid, there's a close up of a little drop of drooping. What was that? I think it was meant to be like a beautiful, but it, it does just look like pre-com. Exactly. If they were going for pre-com, they nailed it. And that's the end of the movie.

Yeah. I wanted one more scene at the end of this at the Nazi conference room. He just like comes back in the next day, all hung over just like wearing sweatpants instead of the samurai costume. Okay, back to the drawing board that didn't work. I feel like it's going to be impossible to think of a name for our new weapon. If it's bigger, we're going to be like, well, that wasn't the ultimate. I'm having the worst week. You think the Americans are still mad about their aircraft carriers? You think they're still pissed about that?

No, we don't get any of that. But we are going to get, I think, did they make more movies? Of six more movies. Oh, God. Six more movies. Amazing. Six more movies. I'm changing my identity.

You'll never find your name. Oh, amazing. Six more movies. I'm changing my identity. You'll never find me in. Oh, right. Well, that was terrifying. Moral of the story, Nazi nuclear apocalypse, but thoughts and prayers. Plus all the different gods combined together and they're super powerful. Like, and the dinosaurs too.

They're like about as powerful as the UN, right? Something like that. Yeah. So final question, which religions god would win the god Cumete? And why? Oh, I'm gonna go with Thelma. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with him,

but I really felt like he brought his A game to the movie. You know what I'm saying? Thelma, which one with Thelma. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with him, but I really felt like he brought his A game to the movie. You know what I'm saying? Thelma, which one was Thelma? He was one of the six guys that he met after he got shot. And I feel like they kind of rushed over his name. It was like, here's Thelma and God Eagle and Buddha and Thelma was like, bullshit, making me go first. I had to speech.

It's fun. I just, I don't know. I vibed with Thelma. I feel like I vibed with Thelma. I should be the one seed. Yeah, well,'t know, I, I vibe with Thelma. I feel like I vibe with Thelma. I should be the one seed. Yeah, well, you know, I, I feel like because he is a God now according to Mormon theology, I think that Joseph Smith, because he could outbore anything that fucking happened. So he's also a God according to this cult. He was in the last movie. He's in the like six or seven level of heaven. Shut the fuck up. He is. Oh my God. I'm in.

six, their seventh level of heaven shut the fuck up. He is. Oh my God, I'm in. I'm back in. Listen to the episodes you're not in. What do you mean? Is this a show?

But we were just chatting. Yeah. I think the conference called for work. It's been great. All right. Well, last thing before we wrap it up, Mark, where can everyone go to hear

more from you? We heard about the how to heretic and where do people go to find that? Yeah, just, you can find us anywhere. There's in the pod verse or at our website, howtahheretic.com, Stitcher iTunes, I, Stitcher iTunes should like that. I'm also on Twitter pretty frequently at howtahheretic and you can yell at me there. Fantastic. And thanks so much for joining us again. And you're welcome again. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yes, thanks. Thanks guys. It was super. All right. Well, that's going to do it for a review of the mystical laws, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to finance fuck Josh Gad the musical. So Eli, tell us what's on deck? Did Lee attraction because sometimes you're mad enough at God to fuck your mom.

What do you mean sometimes? It's on YouTube. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 204 to a merciful close. Big thanks to Mark for apparently believing the tentacle porn we sent him was the real trailer to this movie. Assholes. And once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make this show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation ad. Patreon.com slash godawful.

And thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist citation needed and the skeptic rat available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoff for movies at chimel.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law if this is a key Android Torez. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik

and people drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Mark and Eli, I'm Heath, promising to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Till then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. Breakfast, tab close, they vote.

Animal House Close. Breakfast, tab close. Animal House Close go. Breakfast. Last word. Boring Jesus' show was mistaken for a two by four and used to fix a garden shed, thus fulfilling his destiny as the only useful God ever.

China, Russia, UK, France, India, Pakistan, North Korea, Israel and the US still have giant apocalypse bombs. But we'll be fine. The space dinosaurs are keeping tabs. Don't worry. There are three more movies in this series. They only get crazy. Yeah. Look at me. Do you see our road? Yeah.

I knew I would win. I knew you did. I never saw it. You saw it. Check the draft. No, take the draft history. Yeah. We can check the cursor.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and you saw who I would have got there. I know you did. I never saw you saw Draff. No take the draft history. Yeah, we can check the cursor history. Fuck I like I like the Joey the Joey spin that the Eli put on a tattoo got cock at a top killer It's my villain Well like all Jews. Yeah, exactly. So I'm just wearing more convincing masks, Eli. That's right. This was that one. That is Heath's thermos. So one of my favorite

things about Heath is Heath constantly makes loud noises one during the count, and two, this is my favorite during our business meetings. Every business meeting, Heath goes longboarding or rolls a bunch of marbles around in his sink and Noah becomes enraged like someone is raping his wife when it happens and goes, who's making that noise? And every time I go, it's heat, but

he just doesn't respond and no, it doesn't believe me. So he gets away with it. You don't know how much effort I put into a new sound each week. You like it. It's my favorite thing. Do you want me to buy a plastic thermos? There's quite one. Holy table. I'm just. It's all total. Well, you get you got the saw. They're waving a giant saw. Exactly. All right. Here's the count.

Morgan, don't use any of that. Don't tell Noah. Morgan, send me that clip. I swear to God. The other day on skeptic. I will that clip. I swear to God. The other day on skeptic. I will use that. I have it saved. You know I have it saved. That's important. You need it. The preceding podcast was a production of

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