God Awful Movies - 212: GAM212 The Healing

Episode Date: September 10, 2019

On this week's episode, guest masochist Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of "The Healing"; the story of a successful doctor who becomes an alcoholic after a terrible tragedy. But after losing his job, his money, his home, and his dignity; he finds out that if he becomes Christian, he can be a homeless, broke, unemployed, undignified person without the alcohol. Check out Marsh's show, Be Reasonable. Check out Marsh's other show, Skeptics with a K If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

He looks around his bedroom, apparently being a drunk means you read a lot of newspapers because there's a lot of discarded newspapers on the floor. Well, yeah, you read the papers and you throw the various pages out in different places, too, yeah. Yeah, it's two things you get with alcoholism. You get a first-for-alcohol and a first-for-knowledge of current events, the two are always handing in hand, people forget that. I want to do like, 6 fucking crossword patterns, just do this shit.

To the newsstand! Yeah, fuck this is it! God awful! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be stay this week, but sitting 900 miles to my Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic. Noah, hey, you know who's not allowed to bathe children? Who's not allowed to bathe children, Eli?

Strangers. Noah. It's a good cold open. I was worried about the cold open for this film. I was very concerned that, you know, because sometimes you and Heath, you have a tendency to jump way too far ahead. And I'm like, can we tell them the context of the naked child joke first? But no, you did good.

You did good. See? I got all right. And sitting 4,100 miles to my East Northeast is our gas massacres Michael Marshall. He's the project director of the Good Thinking Society. He's the host of Be reasonable. He's the co-host of skeptics with a K. And he's an on again off again European. Marsh, welcome back to the show.

Thank you so much for having me know, uh, the weird thing is I'd already written a naked bathing children joke before I watched the film. Stop clocked right twice at the twice a day. Yeah. No, exactly. That's why we had you on for this when you would kept sending these emails. Hey, man, if you've got anyone where I can use these naked kid jokes, you'll give me a call. That's how I got the jobs.

Yeah. All right. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? All right. We watched the healing and the healing is the story of a doctor who undergoes a personal tragedy is emotionally manipulated by a borderline stranger and ends up living and working in a shith hole for zero pair.

But that's a good thing because Jesus. That's exactly it. We could end this show right now, but we're not going to Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love the kidnapping and medical neglect of hostile, but the doctors are just too likable. You will love this. This saw killer watches this movie and is like, oh, that's fucked up.

I'm going to turn this off. Lying some poison blood. All right. So I'm not exactly sure, Mars, I don't know your age exactly, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on this call that's old enough to like actually remember the 80s. Is that correct? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I was, you've got a bear in mind, I hear in the UK, because of how horrible everything is. We're operating it like five years to every American year right now is how much we're aging with the world around us. But, you know, all right. So I just, I want to be clear, the 80s looked,

the whole decade looked exactly like this movie. I'm offering that up as an excuse for all the cocaine. The cocaine makes sense now, right? Yeah. I wanted some cocaine every second. I was watching this movie. Otherwise, everything was beige, right?

Yep. Everything was beige in this film. It was a very beige film. It was a whole it was a beige decade, dude. It really was. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to say the best worst dramatic deathbed speech because when someone's dying and the film gives over to their dying speech, you really want to sort of milk a drama for that. You want to hit the tones just right. You really want to sort of capture the audience.

And this film does not have that. And I've never seen anybody take this long to die. You know, relatives of mine have had terminal disease that lasted for months. And it's seen shorter than this deathbed speech. When I love about this deathbed speech is eventually God just gets bored with it and kills us, right? Yes. God cuts his mic. Yeah, exactly. He starts playing him off.

Yeah. All right. So I was going to go with best worst. And I mean that it like I mean best worst in this instance. Best worst dream sequence. Oh, it's real good. Oh my God. This weird, experimental 80s music video, heroin, public service announcement warning. It's my everything. It's like it goes on for like way too long.

And he's running past all these people and they run out of people. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. But it's, it's pretty incredible. Do you remember frying pan girl? This is your brain on drugs after she hits the egg with a frying pan. It dreamed about this. Dream. That's what I was. We figured it out everybody.

And then I handed it this at the beginning, but I just want to touch on it again. Best worst comedy high jinks. This movie will have some weird fucking last beats and we'll cover some of them for sure. But by far, the weirdest is, oh, you bathing a strange child against their will. And then forcing that strange child to bathe an old man. Yeah, to bathe you back. Yes. Happens. Yeah, like, as I'm going to go with, you know, okay, I don't know everything about comedy high jinks. I'm no expert in the field or anything But the number of children that are stripped against their will in comedy hijinks always zero

Always zero. That's the first fucking rule. It's the first thing on the whiteboard It's its own matter. All right, well tell you what, this movie is in a big hurry to get nowhere and we don't want to slow it down so we're going to keep the break brief and when we come back we'll dive into all the malpractice that is. The healing. From the makers of the healing. Oh, Eli, did you just throw an egg cream at me? Because I love you. Comes a movie about love. Not always understood. Ely, I'm a conference organizer.

Stop posting on Instagram that I threaten to take Steve Nevella to Pound Town. I will never give you more than you can handle. But a love that is always felt. This summer, the helping. Stop giving giving me pennies I live in England now and we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna get some damn early red flags on this one for example the production logos are out of focus yeah I wasn't sure about those production logos because it seemed like they were sort of slightly shaky and I thought they had some sort of all-timey effect for like a stylistic

choice, but it was just that it's shit. Yeah, I was like, you guys know, you guys aren't good at this. No, this was not a choice. Yeah, well, the uvra they were going for is,mit the VHS tape we digitized this from broke and the music in this intro gave me every indication that I had accidentally clicked on porn from the 80s. I was very disappointed when it was a Christian movie. Oh, they were getting the most out of that drum machine.

Yes, sir. And then okay, so the movie opens, we get a few credits leaving it. They're like credits. It's kind of like magic. I have to look past them for them to get into focus Yeah, I didn't get the point of this credits It was sort of like they couldn't afford a proper graphics department to do a full introduction So they just put them in random place on the screen that you had to sort of search out like Damn it. There's the best boy Found him found him All right, and then so then we open the film on a person cackling like a haunted house clown as he dumps food

waste onto a homeless person and hey, fun fact, that'll be the most pleasant part of this movie. So really enjoy it as you watch someone dump trash on a hobo. That's, that's the high point. It also, he had with him a garbage bag that was only half full. It was an over choice. He was making to do that because he could have put all that in the bag and then just put the bag in the bin. But no, he chose to pull that food waste on the homeless guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's getting his kicks out of it clearly. So homeless guy goes stumbling and wheezing his way down the alley picking up empty liquor bottles hoping

that there will be one little drop of alcohol left in them. Yeah. Yeah. And what was basically a vision of Paul's Brexit Britain, that's exactly what we're up going to be. That's what my life is going to be on November the 1st. I'm not saying drinking out of random bottles. You find is how you end up drinking P. But drinking out of random bottles. You find is how you end up drinking P. Yeah. Yeah. I can see why he isn't here this week. This could be triggering. He saw the preview and he was like, I need another break. I can't get this. This is how far he made it guys. So he rounds the corner and then there's this weird moment. I have no idea what this is doing in the film, but there's this weird moment where he comes

across to lady arguing with a cabbie. Yeah, they do like a, they had all of their downtown LA slash downtown New York stereotypes, but they forgot to stagger them. So it's just like, what do you mean five dollars? I ain't paying you $5 and then a gang walks by covered in glitter and the FBI hands an African American gentleman a suitcase full of crack. It's just all in the fall of the 80s at once. And what I loved was there's a part where she's arguing with a cab driver and he wants $9. She's only

getting even $5. And at one point she shouts, it was a hot and smelly ride. And I thought this is going to get like racially dicey early on. They do smell different kind of things. I thought, oh, God, we'll sort of get there a bit, but not at this point. And then, okay, there's this weird moment as he's still walking around looking for more liquor. And I guess we're doing like, Bums Eye View cam. Yeah, but I didn't realize that. So what I thought was just a bunch of kids came to try to grab this guy's camera or something that's going to be.

Maybe that's what happened and they were like, you know what, we'll make it work. I feel like that's what happened. Yeah, they're like, oh, now we got to get another fucking shot from back there. Climb back up on the sign pole, man. It threw me as well that the tramp had very clearly walked further than the taxi when we then switched to tramp side view of us watching the taxi. So I felt like we were someone following the tramp at that point. So I got really confused with and shunted back into the tramp side view and then we saw it was all very confusing.

Well, if it was confusing already, let me add to that, then the bum guy falls down dead on the street. But so this is after he gets, he gets harassed by three guys in those matching verses. Oh, yeah. Very conspicuously bumping into everyone like their exos from West Side Story. And we're meant to believe it to them. It's their intervention that calls and fall over. But if you look really carefully, what actually happens is they knock some bins over and

then a binman, a garbage man comes up and he's dressed like one of the dexies midnight runners. This garbage man comes up near the tramp and the tramp faints and it's because he's such a massive fan of cummon, I lean. Oh, I see. I get overtaken. Perfect. Is that dexies in the mid 80s? This is the height of that. Yeah, no, I get it. I get it now. I like your interpretation of this film so much better than mine. All right, so now we're gonna meet our hero, John. We cut to him getting ready in the morning and demanding clean laundry from his pregnant wife. Yeah, I wrote in my notes. What's the matter? You mad because you're dressed like a Victorian baby doll? You're mad because you're dressed like a Victorian baby doll. It's such a sort of a very ham-fisted way of setting up the dramatic tension here as well, because he is literally singing, life can be so sweet on the other side, on the sunny

side of the street. Yeah. While she is very slowly and fallonely and very bitterly looking at old photographs of them, and then she says literally, I was just feeling sentimental about this picture. We couldn't tell that to be nobody speaks that way. That's not how you do. No one's ever said I was feeling sentimental about anything. Yeah. So he's a doctor. She was a nurse. We know that because she's looking at a picture of them being a doctor in the nurse. And his, the husband is going, Hey, honey, is my blue shirt clean. First of all, you have one blue shirt. You have 80s. The man had a white shirt and a blue shirt and a shirt for partying. Yeah, look, I feel like she's going to open it up and he's just

going to have a Ruyji Biv closet or something going on there. No, nothing to go. One the violent one. Damn it. But yeah, so he's asking for the the blue shirt and she's like, I was just feeling sentimental about when we used to be more Christian Yeah, remember our three sims with Jesus. Yeah, exactly remember we used to go to church You would help with that clinic. We were just we were just better people than Eli Marsha Noah back than really. And I love he says to a, at this point, he says, you know, pregnant ladies show off some weird ideas. Water sentence that is right there. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. We've been out of place anywhere else in history. Flash cuts to her slowly erasing the theory of relativity on a drawing on a cardboard.

All right, fine. If you don't like it, I'm just saying it doesn't hold up to quantum physics. That's because it's not a theoretical Dan. So, anyway, so she's talking about how she wishes that they were closer to Jesus. He goes blue shirt bitch I don't hear your sass and by the way, Ben she goes to get the blue shirt It was hanging in his fucking closet. Yeah, like 10 feet from him He still makes his pregnant wife

And I think it's only because I think it's because she is the least convincingly pregnant person I've ever seen I think he just doesn't buy that She's pregnant Not being funny Eli looks more believably pregnant than the fact That's fair. It's fair. She was carrying the baby weird so she Yeah, so she carries so she goes and gets him his shirt from the fucking closet douche bag He puts it on she's like hey, we we gotta go to church and and be more Christian He's like I already Jesus when I was a kid. I puts it on. She's like, hey, we got to go to church and be more Christian. And he's like, I already Jesus when I was a kid. I gave it the office, dammit.

To which she gives her a little like God killed his son for you. And this is how you repay him speech. Yes. Yeah. She's like, yeah, I mean, guess God's never done anything except killed his son for you. The thing is, so he does say to, he snaps at her and I suppose we're supposed to see this as a sign that he's such a bad guy and he does snap at her and says, I gave you enough when we were young or what more do you expect? But then she answers without Bible court and I'm immediately back on his side. It's like, yeah, fair enough. Exactly.

All right. So now we're going to cut to the next scene, which I can only describe as four men Caucasian. It's these writers idea of like bro, it's like, oh, business talk, business talk. Do you have a stockbroker? Of course, you got to use my stockbroker. No, use my stockbroker. Let's destroy a ski center. They also get just even sort of basic wrong. In the sense that at one point, they're talking about this complex business deal and how they can all profit from it and get extra money out of it.

And he says, that way we can make sure one of our hands is washing someone else's. Yeah. And that's not how that phrase works. No, it's not afraid. That's a really hard way to wash your hands. My right does your left, your left does my right. As we learn later in the movie, this is a very bathing other people centric film. Maybe that's what they think. The big expression. I was full shadowing all of us. The thing is, these four guys, we established even though they're

talking sort of business, business talk, they, we established, even though they're talking sort of business e-business talk, they're all doctors. And so they're talking about setting up a business as like a practice. And at one point, one of them says, well, if it's Harry, it's in my field kid. And I can only assume that that doctor isn't the oncologist. Oh, doctor. Oh, I had my notes. I couldn't keep Dragon White, they were saying because I was looking

at 80s clothes and golf clothes at the same time. And that's about all I could take. Meanwhile, the street kids are playing ring around the bum. Yeah. I'm sorry, the bum cadaver. This is a dead man that they're running around now. If God awful movies has a theme, it is, the world is never more terrifying

than it is through the eyes of Christians. And their view of poor people just like, y'all wanna eat him? Yeah, let's eat him. Don't you eat that bobo now. I'm gonna melt him down and jickdom into my veins. I must have, I was totally confused as to how long this guy's mentor have been lying on the floor because we cut back and it looks like no time at all has passed, but we know

that the main character had time to get dressed, drive to golf, take a few shots, and then steal this dead tramp on the floor and nobody's doing anything about it. Apart from these, there's three kids running around the tramp. Okay, then there's three ruffians come along and chase those kids away. Early Ron, we had three gang members. I think the casting directors got some sort of higher two get one free deal. Well, I love because it's really hard to tell that what's supposed to be happening here is this is a dead man because the guy's very clearly breathing the whole time. Yeah, through his stomach.

So we're just like as he just passed out is this what's going on here, but then another hobo shows up. This is Jamie. He'll be important to the movie. The dead guy not so much, but this character Jamie will show back up. He goes back and he's like, oh, no, my friend is dead. And then the cop show up to pick up the body. Like, like they were waiting for Jamie to confirm the death. But they're two seconds away, which means Jamie was like, my friend was dead. And the

cop's like, fuck, he said dead. All right. Come on. We'll get lunch later. He said dead. Come on. We were going to leave because he was breathing but I think because he was breathing and because not very much was clear in this film and not very much carries on being clear in this film I didn't realize he was dead I thought he just fainted at the site of Binsby Miss Handel and so it wasn't clear to me so I thought this guy is going to be like a central part of this film we've established as a doctor and now we've got this guy who we spent a little time with at start, and he's collapsed. This is going to be important.

Nope, nope, we don't see this guy again. He doesn't come back. It's not like he's the guy that the doctor's going to save. He's not the person who gets the healing or anything like that. He just disappears and we never think about him again. Yeah, exactly. And there will never have been a reason why he was in the movie at all. Yeah, this is because the writers were all sitting around and one of the Christians were

like, now we need to establish that poor people exist and die, right? And I think that's like, and that might have been it. It's like, we got to remind them that being poor, I'll kill your ass. Do we know who that trample was? Because I'm just thinking now, maybe the director was a massive, massive fan of Hitchcock. And this is his way of putting his own camera into the field. He's got to put his attention. All right. So meanwhile, back at the golf club, they're all sitting around having a few

drinks and oh, shit, Sam, the Christian is here trying to hit people up for funds for that clinic to help to board people that are dying on the streets bullshit. And again, what Christians think people think of them is amazing, because before the record no one was talking to Marshan, he was saying that like, there's this amazing period in Christian cinema from 1973 until 1989, when Christians managed to be terrible and completely serious about themselves all at the same time. And like the talk that they have these doctors doing of like, oh, Christians always trying

to help people. Yeah, go. Stupid morals. Yeah, exactly. And clearly what the films trying to say as well is that his friend, because he was Christian with his wife. And it's very clear this, this film is trying to say as well is that his friend, because he was Christian with his wife. And it's very clear this, this film is trying to say that his friends have peer pressured him out of religion.

Yeah. And because obviously peer pressure is a terrible thing when you're trying to pressure someone out of religion. That's the bad type of peer pressure. Yeah. It's not that peer pressure is bad. It's that your peers are bad. Yeah.

Exactly. And now, okay, there's a, a, John, the main character has an emergency phone call. They come in there like, Hey, you've got an emergency phone call and they joke around about it for a second because they're evil atheist doctors. They joke around about like, Oh, but it's some asshole dying on your day off. Fuckers. Yeah. And he says, you know, his patients, they keep reading medical magazines. They got a new medical emergency twice a week. And I thought, well, they're atheists.

They point out how Christians are always hitting people up for donations. They think diagnosing yourself from a magazine is a bad idea. Are these characters you guys? Is there a problem? Three. Oh, yeah. We're equal to getting. We come in threes.

Possibly, there's a point as well that I'll make out that I mean, nothing to use got you guys, but it was confusing me the entire way through is that the main character John looks exactly like English footballing icon Bobby Moore The World Cup winning captain Bobby Moore. He looks exactly like Bobby Mordid in the 70s And it freaks me out constantly throughout this film how much of a ringer is he is for him He looks like Bobby Moore fucked the guy who played Dexter Yeah, if you combine the two of them. yeah, I had to look Bobby more up. I'll be honest. I saw it in your nose.

I looked them up. I'm like, yeah, but yeah, but with the Dexter thing going, yeah. So okay, so we learned that Dr. Lucas, that's John, that's the main character. His wife has been in a serious accident. Now, we've set up that he has a phone call, but rather than using that phone call to tell us that they have the waiter come over and tell his friends that while he's on the phone. Hey, just so you guys know I was on call waiting in that case, wife is fucking dead.

I don't know why I'm telling you. He was just having lunch with you. I assume he would want you to have this information. Yeah, the fact that he shares that information is so unprofessional. And it's not even quiet about it. There's like, you will not want the people at the table nearby to tell me, I'm going, sorry, who's wife's dead? Oh, you guys want to see these crime scene photos of Princess Diah having with me, you have

carry on. Then I can get your appetizer orders. All right. So he rushes to the emergency room, but does he? Does he walk? He's so carefully what he does is he jogs very calmly to his car, which is not the pace that I would go if I just been told my wife is in accident. Yeah, but, but damn it, he's too late, possibly because of the jogging.

And the way we establish this is that we just, see him talking to his car and then we see him like Walking out of a emergency room entrance very sad Right, but but not like tragic movie sad like Charlie Brown is never gonna meet the great pumpkin sad All right, just I'm gonna save the emails. It was lying. That's that one of the great pumpkin Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

I just figured I was really shocked that that was her entire death scene. That's how callously we treat women in this film. There were this two of them. We don't spend much time with any of them, but I think they just didn't have the budget to film inside a hospital. They either couldn't get the budget

or they couldn't get permission to be inside of a hospital, possibly because some of the other things they do in this film, and from being their vulnerable people. Well, so, okay, here's my theory. I think there was a dramatic herd dyeing scene, but the actors are so fucking bad that when the producer looked at it, eventually he was just like, you know, if we just cut to

the wake, they're going to figure it out. Yeah, the next scene is him and awake being sad. They'll know. Yeah, because the thing scene is him and awake being sad. They'll know. Yeah, because the thing is also dying scenes in this film, we know they take like 10 minutes to have stuff for ever to die. Like, you know, they had too long in the film. That's something you had to get cut. And oh, this week, the 80s, when you could wear a bright gray suit to a fucking wedding.

Come on, come on. We're fucking pinstripes. It was a pinstripes. It was a pinstripe. White grace suit at the wake. Yes, it was. And I love it. So he's sitting in the middle of the room being very sad.

Everybody's just like, I was just like, you want to talk to the husband? No, fuck, he looks sad. It's awake. Yes, he's going to look sad. But the only one who's going to help his Bob, Bob walks over and he's like, here, have alcohol. It's a great way to cope with loss.

Here is a glass that I can't emphasize enough is brimming with apple juice because of Christians and we don't drink. Yeah, right. Now you're going to lean over and slurp the edge of this before you pick it up. But might as well have brought him a cocktail and a fish ball with a big umbrella and cheese burger. We don't know how alcohol works. We're Christians. Well, what I love is that he does.

Bob gives him this drink and then we immediately cut to the next thing which is him waking up in bed. And I thought, did Bob just roof you? That's the only extra thing. Bob has spiked his drinks. Also, okay, so we cut to him. Okay, he's waking up to his phone ringing. His phone from 1878. Right, this is not what phones look like in the eighties, not the 1980s anyway. Yeah, he answers it. It's the operator who's saying he's going to call with him. Yeah, exactly. Then she walks over to the table where no one's there. It's four in the morning.

She's like, Hey, if someone was sitting here, I'd tell you that he's getting a call from John. I don't know why I do this. No, but okay. So he's getting a call from work. And we figure this out by the end of the call. This is the, it's been six weeks, rub some dirt in your dead wife and get back to work call. God, I like, I bet they had a draw straws on who had to make that call, right? And I love that he's like tomorrow. Yeah, let me check my calendar. Yep, wife is still dead. I can come to work. Yeah. Let me have a nip of this night, Quill. And I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, yes, he goes to get up and he opens his bedroom drawer and there's a bottle of alcohol in it, which is silly because there's also a bottle of alcohol like sitting on top

of the same nightstand. Yeah. So if he's going for a liquor, yeah, right, right, there's also one on the floor. And this film is so hard to get through that I thought by the end of the film, I'm not sure who's who floor would have more empty bottles of liquor. Right. But don't worry, he's not an alcoholic, though. He's not.

He starts to drink it straight out of the bottle, but he pours it in a glass first, right? Yeah. Because if you're going to have a drink, the moment you drink up, you should be civilized about what exactly exactly again, very triggering for Heath. That's why he's not here today, but not here. The amount that he pulls in the glass is less than a mouthful. And then he drinks it and we immediately cut to him asleep again. And our Bob is definitely spiked his booze all the booze in his house, his spines. Well, that would make a lot of sense. Since the next scene we see is Bob showing

up in his bedroom, well, he's so sweet. Yeah, with ominous music, like a Brett Cavanagh moment. Yep, absolutely. But what we're supposed to see here is that John's bedroom is messy. Now, there's not a woman to cook and clean for him anymore. And Bob looks around like Tisk Tisk, John. Dead wife is one thing, but a messy bedroom. Come on, man. Yeah, yeah. No, he's all grieving and drunk, which is why his wall pictures are askew. Yes.

You know you're drunk, then. You never gotten drunk enough to rearrange the pictures in your house. Okay, Noah. I am mighty. And there's a lovely moment where you sat on the bed and he turns to Bob and says, don't worry, I'm pulling myself together. I'm going to be all right. I've just got to get going, you know, and I thought, mate, we've all been there. Just give him a minute. I'll be fine in just a minute. He's just got to get himself going.

It's fine. All right. And so now we're going to cut to him back at work. We cut to the hospital. We have this, this movie has this weird habit of spending a lot of times on things that don't matter and then skipping over things that do, right? So what we're going to see here is that Bob is falling asleep at work with a liquor bottle visible and they have to fire him. But together we have this like eight minute long scene where all the people have to like come and get Bob and communicate with him through gesture.

This was a very, there's a few things I found very confusing about this. First of all, they open with a shot of Bob, I think, and a nurse, but in the background, there's a sign and the sign says Secretary Carolyn fat. Now, I don't know if her name is Karlin fat and she's the secretary or whether she's just called Karlin and it's just a really mean sign that someone's put up more. It was the 80s. You could get away with those things sexual harassment, fat shaming. It was a free time. And then maybe I wasn't paying full attention to this scene, but you've got what I thought was Bob talking

to the nurse and they're behind a glass kind of full length glass window. And then what looks like Bob walks up to the glass window and I thought, oh, was it a mirror? And so was he on this side and we're shooting the mirror in a sort of an arty kind of way. But then the two Bob's walk along the glass window and then meet at the door at the end. It was a window the entire time. It's just they found a guy who looks almost exactly the same as Bob, but just to confuse me. Right. And I thought they weren't far away from mimicking each other. Like they're

the fucking grouchy marks in the in that one film. And that's what I thought they were going to get to at this point. It was really confusing to me. It really was. Like it seems like a weird thing to do zero in that. But literally the guy is swinging his arms in the opposite motion of Bob and everything. Yes. It was really fucking weird. But yeah, just as you're sitting there going like, okay, what are they trying to do here? Then we get to the, oh, okay, it's just that they're going to fire him for having his liquor bottle sticking out.

Yeah, John asleep having drank a round bulb again. All the evidence. Bob has got the problem here. Oh, so okay. So now we get him like putting all of his stuff into a box and getting fired and everything. He has a long touchy look at his dad's wife's picture. Well, his dad's wife's headshot. Yeah.

Brut, my notes, God, I miss her. She was the best damn, malloto place model in the world. There wasn't a Malfoto place in this country that didn't use my wife's photo. Oh, God, his office annoyed me. Like, I listen to this show a lot. We have established, this shows established that Christians don't understand a lot of the world around them.

But I didn't realize they wouldn't understand what a doctor's office looks like. No, but they clearly don't, because John's office, they wouldn't understand what a doctor's office looks like. No. But they clearly don't, because John's office, as a doctor, yes, he's got a desk. His desk is right up against the wall, and he sits this side of the desk right by the door with his back to the door. If a patient comes in, where the fuck did he sit? They sit behind him, like, couch somewhere.

They have to sort, like, perch on top of the desk, and they sit with him. But we all know what doctors surgeries look like. How do they not know that? And they fuck it up even in Bob's as well. Yep. But they get to Bob's office in a bit. He's got a desk. It's by the window, but not right up against the window.

The space to sit on the side of the desk near the window. And Bob doesn't. He sits this side with his back to the door. So the patients are going to come in and walk all the way around. Yes. By the window. This is not how it works. It's like a James Bond swivel,

but you make the person doing the walk for you. Hello. Mr. Bond, if you'll just stand on this lazy Susan at the door to my office. You'll lose, okay. He also, he's got, okay, so he goes to get his name played off the door. Clearly it was being held on by posted note glue. He also has one of those creepy ass porcelain doctor statues that every doctor had in their office in the 1980s by law. Well, those are real things. I've never seen one of those

things before. And he kept when he was picking things off his desk to put them in the box, he kept avoiding it. And I thought, is it not, am I the only one who can see that? Oh, on a doll that shows up in all of Marcia's movements. Let me come back to another scene, like another bit of the scene where he'd move in the desk. And the doll's still there, but it's facing away from him. Like it shamed him. Like it's like, it's so weird. No, we missed a great opportunity. We should have denied that we saw the doll and just digitally inserted this doll into every movie and documentary we ever invite, March to watch. March, there's too many doll jokes in your notes. I don't know if it's the thing you're

trying to create, but we really, it's not a bit that works. Yeah. And we know that the next time I'm at a gam live show, we know what you're dressing as as well. One time no one will reference it. Next time I invite myself to QED, I'm bringing nothing but my pen dolphin collections. I also love, okay, the choices in this film, we skipped the wife dying bit, we skipped the him actually getting fire bit, but we're going to get all 20 goddamn minutes of his walk of shame out of the hospital with this way too big box that he clearly can't see over the top of. Yes, to constantly like, it's one of those things where you know, you're almost done,

but you're like, if I shifted again now, it's just going to be silly because I'm almost to the car now, but he keeps having to do that with it. And it's like collapsing. So he's walking a little faster now. It's very underneath it. Disappointed while he's trying to walk. It's all. Yeah. Everybody blanks him, even secretary fatty blanks him. So clearly he's the one who put that sign up and she's on interest. He's being told. Um, and then just to as he gets out to his car, Damien, if he doesn't break his creepy porcelain doctor and his wife's picture frame. Oh. So now that he's hit rock bottom, he might as well drink and drive.

The drinking and driving in this scene is fantastically irresponsible. He's going full marsh after QED is over. It's pretty impressive. Well, there's a lovely bit as well. There's a lovely bit while he's driving to illustrate how he responds to things being. He raises the bottle to a toast and at the same time, an ominous didgeridoo starts playing the background. And I wrote my notes, oh, that he must have been tossing that Aussie buske that he just drove that. Yeah, I didn't, I don't know if he was supposed to be toasty or whatever. I think it was just they were like, hold it high enough.

The camera can tell what you do. And he's just got this awkward hold going on. So he drinks some of his liquor and then he drives to a bar to drink even more alcohol. And while he's in the bar, dam it, if the street thugs don't start stripping his car, right? But it's the 80s. So all you needed to take a car apart was a hairpin. Yeah, that's true. Car apparently made out of Legos from 1980. I just like basically, yes, that's how easy it was to take off the car. So I've got

a car with me 80s. And I'll point out, we've seen two black people in the film, so far. One of them was in the gang that was rubbing the tramp who was dead. The second black person we see is the person breaking into his car. We are two for two in terms of black people being criminals in this film. We're going to keep that average going by the way, just so that you know, yeah, they even steal his box of getting fired shit or whatever, but he comes out of the bar and sees that his car has been stripped down and nothing that's up on blocks and everything. But he's so drunk that he just thinks that's pretty funny.

Well, he does, he bumps into, uh, to, to Jamie the tramp and to be fair to him, he does, I think the tramp Jamie says to him, somebody stole your car and I'm in character. John says, well, someone stole most of my car and to be fair, that's a pretty funny line. I did it at that line. But then he immediately follows up with, I just hope the parts they stole were paid for. I thought, you should have stopped at the first line. I don't really know. That is not a funny line.

Yeah. So, yeah, but this is where he meets Jamie. Jamie was the guy that we saw crying over the dead homeless guy at the beginning. See, that seemed totally made sense. Yeah homeless guy at the beginning. See, that's seen totally made sense. Yeah. If the authors of this movie comes back, so he goes off to drink with this guy, right? He's like, ah, man, your car got broken into that. Seems like the kind of thing that would make you want to drink. And he's like, yeah, I do want to drink it. He's like, you should

buy me one. And he's like, okay. And then they wander off together. They wander off because the bar is closed. And Jamie says, who needs a bar when there's a corner liquor store? And I wrote in my notes, the Heath N. writes. But I do like, this is a tramp in a red light district that's saying, oh, yeah, just follow me around the corner to the back of the bar. And I thought this film's going to get a bit sexy at this point. So this is where we're going at this point. But once again, we cut away from all the good stuff. We miss out on the gay sex all the gatherer and we cut to him waking up now in a homeless shelter. John, that's the third phase of grief or the fourth. I'm not from the night. Well, he's waking up by the sound of what is meant to be snoring,

but the person doing it can't do snoring, right? So it sounds like someone gagging. And that just made me think that Jonathan asleep while the old guy was blowing him. Yeah, right. He wakes up. Jamie's got a hair ball that he can't get up or something apparently. So and then he's got it like apparently there's a medical emergency, So and then he's got it like apparently there's a medical emergency, right? And he's doctor, damn it. He knows what to do. Have someone else call an ambulance. My God, it's the 1980s and people can afford health care. Quick call a car that is of average size that we call an ambulance these days. Stalington Continental will load them in the truck and treat them in there.

And also so the soundtrack here is pretty sure that CPR is a very exciting and be always accompanied by shaft chasing a bad guy. Yeah, the soundtracks amazing at this point because we also see it from his eyes at one point and there's a really tense action shot where he's looking around the room with that kind of shaft action music going on, but he's looking around at just a lot of people sleeping. Once he starts the CPR, there's just extras who are looking on and they look super bored by this whole thing and the juxtaposition is perfect. And so, the ambulance shows up and gets Jamie, but then he starts noticing that all of these

people at this homeless shelter are not in great health. They could all use a good doctorate. Yeah, one guy has pneumonia. And so his solution is to try and get him back into the hostel, which is not a good idea because he's got a fucking pneumonia. He was in the hostel to begin with and that didn't seem to cure his pneumonia. Yeah, and they treat the guy running the hostel like he's the bad guy. He's like, this guy has pneumonia and he's like, well, don't bring him in fucking here.

And we're supposed to go like, what an asshole. What? No, he's right. Yeah, that's good advice. Don't bring him in there. Take him somewhere where they can do some about the whole new morning thing that you found. Yeah, exactly. So but they won't let him go in there.

He has to go down the street to the mission. Right. And again, what the movie wants to do here is contrast between that grumpy old hostile and the sweet and loving mission where everybody is happy and fed and filled with the love of Christ. Yeah, this was this when we cut to the little establishing shot of the mission. It's the first time that I learned one could scoop oatmeal abulianly. This guy might as well be singing a song and do it a little dance where he spins around or something. Yeah. cartoon birds helping him hold the spoon. And also, okay. So again, little moment, but

it's a great filmmaker's moment. As John and the homeless guy with pneumonia are coming up to the to the mission, they show him from across the street and they pan back so you can see the sign that says center street mission or whatever the hell it says. But the sign is so fucking high up that they basically need an aerial shot to do it so it's panning back just a ridiculously long time and we're like are we gonna see a sniper or something in the floor. But eventually no it's just the sign are we gonna end up in heaven. Are we going to end up in heaven? And in fairness, I did write down that once we're inside the mission, we do see our first black people in this film who aren't criminals, or at the very least they aren't actively committing crimes right at that very moment.

That's as much as we can say, because we don't know where they're going to go after this. Yeah, right. But they are homeless at the very least. We haven't presented them as equals to the whites. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So he comes in and he's like, hey, I got this guy. He's got pneumonia. Can you guys call an ambulance? Yeah, but weirdly, he's even more casual than you just delivered it. He's way too casual. He was like, yeah, this,

he's got, it was like, yeah, he's got pneumonia with, with complications. So could you call an ambulance or is there really clinic? It's like, you need to be way more enthusiastic about this. This is, if you want to use bad complications or worse Why are you walking this guy around you are a terrible doctor? Well, and that's the thing if all you were gonna do is call an ambulance the hostile guy didn't say you couldn't come in and call a fucking ambulance You just called an ambulance from that hostile Yeah, you're the one who tried to return him to the hostile like he was a bad purchasing mason to return him to the hostel like he was a bad purchase at mace. And now you're like, okay, it was the, it's because I was too worked up.

Hey, how's it going? Love the mission. Love the whole cartoon bird scooping thing you got going on. We question. Do you have, okay, do you know phones? Do you know calling? You do. All right.

I have a proposal for you. I love to. He goes like, well, we don't have a clinic here at our mission. All we have is nurse Mary. And then nurse Mary shows up and everyone in the mission rolls into the back room like they were going to train fuckers. Everybody line up for your free Mary Spongebob, which again, we'll make sense later in this movie. And I thought, and I'm so disappointed, it just shows how badly this story was told. I thought, okay, we've got the second woman in this film who's been named, and if we discount

Secretary Caroline Fatt, I thought this means it is love interest. He's going to definitely marry her by the end of this film. And we send a lot of the signals that that's going to happen, and it just does not pay off. Well, because it's a Christian movie, so it would have to take years. There would be years of hoarding. He wouldn't be allowed to be in a room alone with her. It's a whole thing. So everybody goes back to see Nurse Mary. They call an ambulance for the guy with pneumonia. And then John is talking to the guy who runs the shelter. And the guy runs the shelter says exact words

You said you were a doctor, but you look more like a drunk to me my friend Yeah, that's prejudice. You can very easily be both people are Pardon me for saying this, but you look like a smelly hobo. Are you sure you're not a smelly hobo who thinks he's a doctor Are you sure you're not a smelly hobo who thinks he's a doctor? He goes, if you looked at a mirror lately and he's like, no, because I look like I, that British footballer guy fucked a dude from Daxter and no one wants to look at that. Yeah, I wrote, have you looked at him regularly lately? Because you look a lot like Bobby Moore, but after the cancer hit. Well, and again, he tries to explain himself here. He's like, hey, I'll have you know that they stole my car and my weird shattered doctor

statue. And then I woke up at a homeless shelter. And the other guy discredit is like, also like you didn't drink until someone stole your car and center street. And he's like, all right, I'm going to leave this homeless shelter. I'm going to take my business to another homeless shelter. Come on, pneumonia guy. Good day, sir'm leaving this homeless shelter. I'm gonna take my business to another homeless shelter. Come on, pneumonia guy. Good day, sir.

I say good day. All right, so I'm just in case this movie wasn't on the nose for you enough yet. At this point in the film, John goes home and we literally watch him take a long look in the film. John goes home and we literally watch him take a long look in the mirror. Yeah, yeah, he looks around his bedroom, apparently being a drunk means you read a lot of newspapers because there's a lot of discarded newspaper on the floor. Well, yeah, you read the papers and you throw the various pages out in different places too.

Yeah. Yeah. It's two things you get with alcoholism. You get a first for alcohol and a first for knowledge of current events. The two are always having people forget that. I want to do like six fucking crossword. Purgers, to the new stand. Yeah. Fuck it. So yeah, so he goes to clean up his drunk and mass. He's cleaning up the booze bottles and resisting the temptation

to drink the thimble full. I'm good for him. And then we cut it to him, eat and hang over food, wearing baby shit green pants. And Sam, you remember that Christian guy that was trying to raise money for that clinic of the golf club earlier? Anyway, Sam shows up at his house. Yep. And I just want to point out that during this like eating scene, he's doing like, you genome-neal-level detes, even though he's supposed to have done like six weeks of drinking. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And he even says to Sam, well, you're interrupting my attempts to put nutrition into a body that's severely damaged by alcoholic poisoning. And that line would have gone a lot better. If his t-shirt wasn't so tight, it's short off his pecs and his abs. That is not a guy that's severely damaged by anything at this point. Well, yeah. Okay. So now apparently Sam is there to try to talk John and to take him up the white man's burden and opening that clinic with him over on center street. That's all I know about this thing because other than that, I just stared at John's

Cassio watch the entire time. Oh my God. There was a time when a doctor would have put grandfather clock that he had tied to his wrist with plastic tubing. Also, we should point out that Sam's approach to this is, you know, the day before your wife died, she told me how much you sucked. And she was like, yeah, really? Yeah, really. I'm disappointed in him. And I just thought I'd pass that along to you. And anyone you were eating with. So please let me know.

Sam, the stuff that Sam says is great because he's saying, well, you know, they told me I'd pass that along to you and anyone you were eating with. So please let me know. Sam, the stuff at Sam says is great because he's saying, well, you know, they told me about what you did for that old guy with pneumonia. And John says, well, anyone would have done that. I'm saying, done what? Walked him around a city and then left him to cope with pneumonia and complications at a soup kitchen. That's not what I'm going to do. And Sam's even saying as well, well, you know, the violence on center street is higher than any of the street in the city. And we've seen zero violence at this point. We've seen some kids run around a tramp and that's the extent of the violence that we've seen at this point. So it's a very safe city

other than that. Apparently, yeah, exactly. So yeah. And so, so Sam's like, you know, because of course, Sam is a doctor. They're like, you know, and they have to explain a way why it is that Sam couldn't just do this clinic himself. But apparently he's too white or something. He's like, I don't speak jive the way you do, John. You're hip. The kids will listen to you and take their flu vaccines. I don't.

I'm not sure I got this, but that was the argument they were going for in the movie. Yeah, yeah. Sam says, well, you know, I try, I try to talk to them and they just call me. He says, they, they called me a fat cat capitalist looking for kicks, and that does not like sound like that's a conversation that happened over the clinic. That sounds like a thing. So, Jack, fall back from the station. You were proposing some other than the fucking flu vaccine words. Yeah, and then like just in a move that this movie has no recognition of being a dick move whatsoever. He's like Sam starts going like, look, if you won't do it for me, do it for your dead

wife. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You go to see a guy six weeks after his wife dies and you start trying to get into give you free labor by starting the sentence, if you love her and you're the good guy for this film, you're the good guy here. Wow.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So yeah, if you love your wife, you'd be a Christian and open a clinic for me, then Sam fucks off. And leaves John to wrestle with all that shit that he said. There's a lovely moment when Sam fucks off because John walks into the door and Sam walks through the door and we see literally a split second shot of Sam on the other side of the door. Yes, yes. Just in case we couldn't imagine what him leaving might have looked like. We're the fuck did Sam go? Yeah. Just because once again Christian film viewers have not got

object permanence. So they have to have it really shawnt on it. Oh, there's two sides to that door. I get it I get it now, y'all. It's like our door at home. Yeah All right, and then late that night this movie treats us to a dream sequence that I could just watch over and over again for the rest of my days. I want to talk about hand waving ladies. We'll get to hand waving. I love all of it. I love this scene so much and this is the first time in the movie that I actually left

really hard out loud and then I have to pause the film and rewind it and get my wife to come and have a watch this film. And watch this scene of the film as well, because it's just beautiful. It's John's nightmare about Sam's speech, which in fairness, it's 100% reasonable. Do you have a nightmare about that for each but what a nightmare it is. Yeah. So the way, okay, he's running down the street and slow motion. His wife's there with her heaven, baby.

Remember she was pregnant when she died. So this is his heaven, baby, I guess. And all the people that need his help are running alongside of him trying to grab at him, right? So his wife is saying unrepeat, souls, souls, souls. Yes. Creepy. They think it's a good thing. It's really fucking creepy. All right. So here's the here's the cast of characters that we get. We have, um, wife and the heaven, baby, we have heroin guy literally shooting heroin to

into his arm and then waving that part of his arm at John. Yeah, yeah. It's a young Charlie Sheen who's, who's holding up a sign saying, I'm literally doing a drug right now. And then there's a lady just waving her hands. And I have a very important fan theory about this. They ran out of drug props because it was the 1980s. And so that lady was just like, I don't know what if I'm like, rrrr, like a kitty. And no one had it in their heart to be like, no Margaret, you can't just rare like a kitty. And spoiler alert, Margaret will be a prominent

featured extra throughout the rest of the film. She will transfer from the fucking dream world into the real world and no one will ever acknowledge it. And she's not good at what she does either. Even if she wants to be like, around like a kitty, she doesn't really put her heart and soul into it. So it just comes off as like, disinterested Tai Chi. I don't know if she wants to go around like a kitty. She doesn't really put her heart and soul into it. So it just comes off as like disinterested Tai Chi.

She's then, and we're not looking for Zen on this scene, Margaret. And then the mother fucker sits straight up like the undertaker, Bingo. I'm pretty sure you get the all square before this movie is over. Oh, and then of course he goes to turn off the alarm the next morning and dammit if he doesn't find the Bible that his wife gave him with the you should start a charity clinic inscription right there on the bedside table. So all right, so then we head to the clinic where they're hard at work putting up door molding so that he can be a doctor from there.

Yeah, they're just nailing up the door frames while they tell him about how horrific his working environment is going to be. They're like, yeah, so that was all we were missing to be a medical clinic was a door frame. Yeah, there's stuff need to be hammered a little bit. It's fine. Yeah, right. No, it didn't even need to be nailed up, but just needed to be hammered. Yeah.

Don't bring any drugs. People will steal them. Don't bring any medical supplies. People will steal them. So I guess you're just gonna be a guy And the thing to bear in mind this they open this by saying all this is the room that Mary always uses So how bad a condition was it in when she was in there? What is she done to that room that it needs so much repairing before you use to when she was in there. What has she done to that room that it needs so much repairing before you use to trip people? That bitch was just rip up your molding in your room if you leave her in there long enough.

And we cut to a side view and the thing is it's not ready to use because the entire room is a completely empty wreck. So what have they done from every year? How does Mary operate in a room like this? Well, she's only a nurse. We don't need to take us here usually. Oh, it's a doctor, right? We better make this place habitable. We better infect something. There's a real doctor here.

Yeah. Damn it. Framed the doors, a doctor is here. And then, okay. So also, Tom is the guy who runs this shelter. So Tom tries to say Jesus words to John and John is ready to have a fucking fight. It's the bad. Like again, this is 1970, 1980s Christian movie. I was ready and waiting for this. I was not expecting the pastor guy to be like, you

know, the thing about God is and for John to be like, hey, fuck your Jesus. Fuck your Jesus right in his fucking face. I'm a doctor. Jim, not a fucking Christian, yeah, right? And to his credit, Pastor guy is like, uh, strong reaction. I mean, Jesus is kind of our thing. It's a mission. Who do you think? But what John says as well, he says,

oh, you can save your scripture for those who have to listen it. Listen to it to get their soup. I treat everyone no religious blackmail. It's like, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's exactly our argument. You've hit it right on the head there, but you're going to be the bad guy in this, but you're absolutely nailing it, mate. Yeah, eventually he'll learn better, but at this moment he'd be willing to treat a Muslim. Yeah. Also Tom delivers this amazing line. He says, all right, you do your thing. I'll do your mind, but I'm going to use my Bible just like you use your medical books. I so wanted somebody to come and say, hey, I think my wife's been on faithful.

Can you check? Can you give her the test of the dirty water? See, John, we both have faith in you. Yeah, exactly. Look, her uterus fell out and now we have a doctor that can help you with that. Another guy walks in. I found a dead person on my property. I have a calf that isn't done any work. So you got a book? You should be there.

Wash your hands over the shit. And this is where we meet Nurse Mary winner of the this was almost my best worst winner of the fakest wig I've ever seen on a human. Oh, her hair is amazing. She's got the weirdest hair I've ever seen. It's like the style of a bob, but it's disproportionately large. It feels like her hair is like a foot closer to you than the rest of it. It's like you fed a Halloween adventure, Beatles wig after midnight. That's what her hair is like. Also, where did she come from? Cause she appears in the room.

That's right. We've just seen a side shot to the room and it was empty. So where did she come from? It's one say a name five times into a mirror or something. To teleport in. She drops in from the ceiling or something. And then I love this little montage afterwards. Cause we get this doctoring slash Jesus in montage where we learn that both of these men are helping people aren't they?

Yes, they are. Equally. But he clearly does not know what he's doing as a doctor. You got the dream lady who it seems like I can only figure that she's got a splinter in her finger or something like that because she's holding a hand out in that kind of way. She just waddles in. She pat him on the head. That doesn't really happen in medicine, but there we go. He's got an eye chart on the wall. I didn't think he was

an optician, but fine. And then he's treating a guy who's got track marks on his arm. And John very clearly takes the guy's arm and shoves it right near the camera for a reason. Like, oh, look at all these track marks. Oh, this isn't good, is it? Yeah. And then, okay, so yeah, we get a few doctoring things and then he walks out and he hears Tom delivering some sermon or something. And he has this like, the look on his face that I would have if I had to do like a real thing in one room while somebody else was doing

Christianity in the other room. Please start heckling Jesus back. Please start heckling Jesus guy from the bank. Boo, redo to run to me. All right, so John goes back into the clinic, right? He walks back into the clinic where Mary the nurse is there. He's got the creepiest look on his face at this point. He has a really creepy look on his face.

He shuts the door and I genuinely got scared at this point because he framed him as the bad guy and I thought, oh God, nowhere are we going with this. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, Mary's safe. Mary's safe. But he rightly points out that none of this should count as charity because he won't let those people eat until they've listened to the sermon, right? So really what you're doing is you're charging them their time to give them the food. And he's right. Yeah, but we know he's the bad guy because he's wobbling his head back and forth wanting to live as it is. Oh, right. Yeah. We all know that smoke atheists. They're all smoked. They're all

bob-head bubblehead figurines. They have all strength. The atheist famously have the next strength of a newly born baby. You've got to hold an atheist head when you pick them up. That's kind of the key. Well, and what's amazing is nurse Mary's response here is like, I, we would give them food, whether or not they listened. And I wanted John to just be like, cool, so why don't you give them the food first before they bring things. Just don't be a jerk, John.

You know they wouldn't fucking stay for the yeah, people like the Bible. Bible's a great book. Yeah, no, she offers up three arguments. One, he'd feed them even if they put their hands over their ears and yell, la, la, la, I can't hear you. Two, homeless people love that shit. And three, the Bible is magical. And I, and John's reaction is so good.

It's a little callous, but he's right. He's like, the Bible gives these people hope and he's like, but right, but they're terrible losers that will always be destitute giving them hope seems like a kind of a mean thing to do, right? Especially if that hope isn't in a tangible form like job support or a living if it's just Magic words and she's like magic words then how come the bible says you're not a loser even if you think you are and there's a tremendous amount of evidence that you are making my point feel like you're making my point

and of course this is where john has to get to uh... basic basic right he has to say like i just can't believe in a God that would kill my wife and my unborn kid, but don't wear a nurse Mary has a great analogy for that. She's like, you know, when you give these kids these vaccines, they don't know why you're hurting them, but you do it anyway. Yeah. I mean, I was reading nostalgic for a time when people who cited Bible verses also still accepted vaccines. Yeah. I have a world to have been in. One during if they lost some audience there. As God said, Ali, Ali, Oxham, I think.

So, yeah, I wrote God's nothing like vaccines. He really does cause autism. But, but the, but the analogy breaks down, right? Because it would be way different if like when when the kids came in for the vaccine, and he was killing their mothers. So he goes, that's different. And the nurse goes, is it? And I say out loud, yes, it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She says that, you know, like children, we don't always know why we're hurt in order to be made well. It's like, yeah, Mary, but like his wife and unborn child were like really hurt, like sad months, I'm walking out of a hospital level. Yes, right.

Going, cutting straight to the wake levels. I wanted her to continue with the metaphor and be like, but you don't have smallpox of the soul. There's little bits of sin. Nope. The body gets you stupid. Come back to me. So yeah, so she says, well, you're going to find God after all. He says, I'm looking for God and I haven't found him.

And she says, well, I'm sure you'll find him. If you, you know, Bible quote, Bible quote, look in your heart, whatever. And she walks away. And then he goes, he carries on talking. Yeah. Doesn't he? Yeah. Well, God's going to have to find me because I'm not looking. And then the door opened, and I really wanted to be God at the door. Why did you just say so? Either that or I really want to be married at the door saying like, sorry, sorry, John, did you, did you say something? Normally we finished the conversation before the person leaves.

So, um, something you want to say. But no, um, instead of it being God or Mary, it is dying homeless guy from before Jamie that he, that he got the drink with after his car got stripped. Jamie is there to be his medical assistant. So now we get a Jamie helping him do medicine montage. It's the best. Oh, this is like a joke. Don't you worry, Doc. I'm going to help you with my old time. I hope I was done. Yeah. Yeah. And okay. Yes. Mars, you, you, you, you have this in your notes as well. This is the most confusing introduction to ever because at a certain point, they walk

into the building they're in while they're talking, right? Yeah. When we immediately cut Jamie walks in, he's going to be the assistant. We cut to them walking into a building. It's the building they were already in. What happened? And then we cut to them being in that building still. We just needed an establishing shot of them.

Oh, it just in case you would have forgotten where they were. We'll show you where they were. Or how they got there. Oh, they got there through the door, y'all. That's the thing. They were testing out the new door frames. Oh, they do this a couple of times in this film. They keep having these weird shots of establishing shots

or cuts between things that actually are the same. Continuously, it's really, it's really strange. It throws me every fucking time. Yeah, oh, they do it a lot at the end too. The whole last 10 minutes of the movie is that. Oh, and during this montage, by the way, of Jamie helping him be a doctor, there's this great moment where this heart chick tries to steal, they're all like, and like, a take a number of things like this was a deli or whatever and this hot chick tries to steal some little kid's number. She's my favorite character in the movie. I like to think she also gets, she ends up getting that little kid's treatment as well.

So it's written down in the middle of the building. Okay, so you've got a group. Okay, little little group. But sure. Make sure you take this teething medicine three times a day. Yeah. All right. And then, fucking, and then Jamie drags in a reluctant child who he and John strip naked

against his will. And he drags Jamie drags that boy with a technique that looks worryingly practiced. This is the first young boy he's dragged to a bath to strip. Yeah, it's like this kid knew it was coming. Yeah, they bring in this kid and they're like, Ellie's pretty dirty. You know what that means? And they're like, yeah, I know what that means.

And then we cut to them in the basement with this kid in the tub, both washing him. So weird. Not part of clinic services. No. Noah, you were a young man of 45 in the 1980s. So maybe you can tell me at what point was bathing other people's children against their will? Okay.

Okay. And can we make America great? And look, like, here's how bad it is. Like, you have, you can't imagine how bad it is without actually watching the movie. Here's an actual line from Jamie the Hobo at one point. He says, all right, now let me get you toweled down, Timmy. Yeah. Yeah.

And this is the second time in the film that I wrote exactly this. This is literally our argument. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy thing. What have you been up to today, Timmy? Well, an elderly tramp and a disgrace former doctor gave me a bath in the basement of a

sink kitchen. This is not good. Lucky you, Timmy. Lucky you. Jamie ends the bath with a line that is chilling. He says, well, your mother is never going to know you now. So what? They're going to have to do it. Jamie ends the bath with a line that is chilling. He says, well, your mother is never going

to know you now. They're going to need dental records to recognize you, Jimmy. Well, it is if this was fucked up enough, then they go though, because the kid gets out, throws a towel around him, and then they go to leave and they're like, no, no, no, it's time for you to soap up Jamie now and then have the child bathe the old man. We were watching at this point we were watching a half-naked child wearing a tiny towel bathing an elderly tramp. It's so strange against his will and he's threatening violence at the child as he does. The kid's bathing him and he's like,

oh, Timmy, I'll kill you. I'll pull the teeth out of your skull. I'll put spikes into your fingernails, Jimmy. You'll never see the end of me. Okay. It's like, so the kid is bathed against his will. The kid is then made to made against his will to bathe the tramp against his will. And I'm watching this against my will. This is the several levels of a life to defend. All right. So now we cut back to the streets. We see Jamie trying to go into a bar to drink again, but the kid that he just bathed and John run in and like, no, you can't drink alcohol anymore.

Now I piece that together in retrospect and I would not stake my life on it. That's my theory on what they were going for. I literally just wrote in my notes, people don't want Jamie to go in that door. Well, I only got the bar thing when I saw your notes, Noah, and that certainly makes sense because I just saw Jamie trying to go into a building and a child that I didn't even recognize the same child because he could seem well. Right. A child just run up and said, Jamie, you can't go in there. And after the last scene, I assumed it's because he's not allowed

with an 100 feet of a school. Jamie, your ankle break, like, come on. So instead they take this kid to a dinner because apparently they've just taken this child as their ward now. Yeah, the 80s. If you held a kid, if you had your hand on a kid for 10 seconds, that was your kid now. Yeah, they licked the kid so no one else will. Yeah.

Right. Oh, God, I'm surprised we didn't see that scene. But there's another weird edit here as well, a totally weird edit. They find Jamie at the bar. They stop him going in. We fade to black and then come up from black as they walk inside another building. And it's a continuation of the scene. So you didn't need to fear fully to black there. This is meant to go out a minute later or something. It's so weird. I feel like they just wanted to prove they could.

I just assume the director got sacked after the bathing scene. The part where he got arrested for filming that has been cut out there. Dave, did you cut 47 reels of bath time scenes and only one other reel of the rest of the movie and fade to black while I run away. Exactly. Oh, I loved you. So they're order and breakfast, but with that we cut that outside. There's a black person out there. So you know he's looking for somebody to rob. We get ominous music when we see a black person when you just appear with the window. We get ominous music. Oh, black people, the music said. So yeah, they're trying to like scheme on who they can rob, but then they don't find anyone good to rob. So they leave.

Yeah. And they look around at who they're going to try and rob. The guy from the clinic who had the track marks is his friend who's Napoleon Dynamite, basically. He's looking around. He say, well, we can't rob John because he hasn't got a TV or anything. They look at a lady who's rummaging through a bin and say, we can't rob her because they tried to rob her last week. These are not elite. They are not bringing that a game to the crime business. Yeah, he's taken through the trash. Yeah, at least saltmutter, but not full. And we could wait until she's finished digging through the trash and we can steal that from

that. But more than she's got that. Okay. So then we go back inside the data. This is where we learned that Jamie was going to be a preacher before he became homeless alcoholic. Yeah, and we learn this as they start to eat and Timmy goes to eat something and Jamie smacks him on the hand for not seeing grids because it's really important for the kid to learn that the stranger who bids you also gets to physically discipline you. Yeah. No eating till we thank the wizard.

Don't forget to say a man or I will bathe you again. I love this plan too, because he goes like, yeah, I was going to be a preacher before, you know, I became an alcoholic. And then John's actual line is it figures. Now yes, I don't know why the writers had John say, I know why I would have John say that, but I don't know why this writers had John say, I know why I would have John say that, but I don't know why this movie had him say that. Well, I do get it because John says it with the chicle and as a man who's just seen Jamie undress a small boy, he found I get it as well.

Oh, okay. All right, yeah. I get that now. Yeah, it does think here. And then, okay, so there's this amazing moment here. This is probably the most 80's moment in the history of film. John says to Timmy's like, you know, Timmy wants to take some of his breakfast home, so his siblings can eat some of it, right?

He tells me, he has six and a half siblings. Right. And then Jamie responds to that. And it's sort of like, oh, six and a half, like he's gurning and he's going to be a set up to a joke. And the kid doesn't say anything. It's just then that's there's no follow up. There's no punchline to that. Yeah, if you there be some sort of punchline, we'd explain what the half meant.

Nope. We just don't talk about that. He's just got six and a half. That's fine. We'll carry on. Yeah. Yeah. Little Jimmy was born with no legs.

Yeah. I was going to say flash cut to a pair of children's legs just sitting at a dinner table in a tenement somewhere. And then so, Johnson's, wow, six siblings, I hope your dad makes a lot of money because our country really doesn't take care of people in your situation. But no, although I did want Timmy to be like, oh yeah, no, my dad's a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. That's why I came to you for a bath.

Because of how great my family is to it. But then little Timmy explains that no, actually his mom's a welfare queen. Yeah. Oh, God. Living off the system just, just us some starving children moochies here have this copy of the bell curve. Here's, this is the actual line. The kid says, but we get more welfare money every time there's another kid.

So dot, dot, dot, dot, the trailing off of the soul is really weird. And also this film at this point isn't making the argument that it thinks it's making, because it's saying, oh, you can survive for so easily without a job if you just survive on welfare, but Jimmy being bifbed by strangers and had to be fired by strangers. It sort of says the welfare state isn't very good at this point, surely. Yeah, I was going to say like, honestly, at this point, I was gonna say like honestly at this point, I was just thankful that little Timmy was white. All right, well quick before this makes a hard-turted straight into Reaganomics. I guess we can take a break, but I got to still give act three the hard sell here. So here it goes. Will John

do whatever is still required of him before this fucking movie can end? Will the eighties learn where the waistline is supposed to go? Will Timmy's mom buy lobster with her food stamps? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the Zeno's runner conclusion of the healing. Every minute is longer than the last minute. So Timmy, what are what are things like at home? What does your dad do for work? Oh, my daddy and around, Mr. Oh Yes, just me and my siblings living off of the government.

I tell you, the other day, this man, he came to the door and offered my my job. And she just said, nah, I'd rather live off the government for free. Did she know? All she sure did, what with child support and food stamps and social security, she says we live high on the hog off the sweat of the American brow. Sometimes I think if someone were to, I don't know, remove the social safety net, she'd get right back on her feet. Can I bring this home to share with my brothers and chitchat?

Sure Thanks, mister Well, here's your $50 Timmy. Thanks, President Reagan. I have dementia. You do And we're back for more of this shit when we last left off, John and Jamie had promised to buy Timmy whatever he wanted at dinner if he'd keep his mouth shut about what happened in the basement and we're going to rejoin the action with a frightening number of children lined up in the clinic's waiting room now. Okay, this will never be explained. So the only conclusion this movie can have us draw is that these kids are like, I hear you're giving out fucking bad

Well though this is more vaccine shit. They are losing audience like crazy They've got like a little vaccine assembly line going out here where Jamie gives them their lolly pop and their fucking kiss Yeah, he kisses them and at one point he slaps one of them as well. Is that what is going on here? The 80s were a fucked up time to grow up, guys. I just wanna point out, I was fucking Timmy's age during this year. Oh, that explains a lot.

Yeah. We get to the end of this film, we found out. It's Noah's origin story. He's the only one. He's been like, Timmy all along. We see Timmy's hair grow long down his shoulders. I'll show you Jamie. Give me a kiss. So yeah, exactly.

But I also love that there's sort of like this, you know, boy, look at all these kids that need his help. It's like a world filled with illness. As though there were no God at all. Yeah. But then how's there leaving that night? The junkies from earlier, steel johns medical stuff and push Jamie down,

push him down to death. Yeah, well, ultimately, yes, yes, this will be a fatal pushing. This movie has a very odd idea about the ways in which people who live on the streets die because we've had two fatal fallings over at this point. People just fall and then only he's hit the ground. I'm afraid he's gone now at this point. But we've had pneumonia with complications cured by soup. So yeah, they don't really get the whole causation thing. So yeah, they're like, no, no, dead people

fall down. The arrow going down his fatal. Yeah. He gets internal injuries. They say in a minute, he gets, he's got internal injuries from his falling down near these, these criminals. It's so weird. Yeah. Well, and then, and then so they take him back into the clinic and they're like, well, Jamie has to go to a hospital, but Jamie hates hospitals. So fucking what? You take it and clearly got a criminal record. That wasn't the first kid he's bathed. It's the washroom and, ah, shit. Yeah, this is really going to put a bad twist on my forgiveness monologue. I love the idea that he's got, he's known as the washman, like he's got that kind of criminal nickname. He leaves his calling card with just a lot of solpsons.

I can see him at everyone of his clients. So yeah, and then there's this weird moment where apparently Tom is trying to get John laid, right? Because they're like, well, I guess one of us is going to have to sit with Jamie and see if he's, if he's okay. And Tom's like, I'll do that, John. Why don't you walk Mary home? And that's, that's such a weird moment because literally the line before Tom says that

is Mary saying, I thought I'd come and sit with him for a while to relieve you. So she said, I'll sit with him and Tom goes, yeah, I'll stay with him. Why don't you fuck off? Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. So, well, then we hear her conversation and we can see why Tom wanted to the fuck out of there, right? Because he walks over, she talks entirely in halted Christian platitudes through this

entire dialogue. But to be fair, John matches her in awkwardness, right? He comes from the Heath and Wright School of flirtation. Oh, your neighborhood sucks. And your house sucks. Okay, bye. Everyone lives here deserves to die. Take it easy.

He says your place is shit. And essentially, everyone in this shit told deserves to be here. And she goes, yeah, but you know, Jesus, so what are you going to do? You know, it's what it is. Yeah. And he's like, well, you know, I'm too screwed up for Christianity. And she goes, no, the Lord loves a broken and contrite heart, John. He's got really dangerous kinks. It's kind of fucked up. Yeah, look, what you're saying is God loves to break you and then make you apologize for it. Yeah. Broken and contrite. That's how he wants you. But of course, she's got what the Christians think is their trump card apparently. She's like, you know, God killed his kid for you. Like people who love you do. You killed his kid for you because he was mad at you for him to forgive you.

I wanted that to go on a bit longer as well. I wanted to say like, you forget that God's Mad you for him to forgive you. I wanted to go on a bit longer as well. I wanted to say like, you forget that God sacrificed His only son for you. And also, you're only son for you. There's no reason. There's no reason. So if you think about it, you and God are even or you owe Him twice, or does it cancel out?

I'm not sure. Yeah, but so he walks away, doesn't even get the good night handshake. No, but he does watch her walk up the entire every single set of the set of steps in her house. It's 40 minutes basically of her slowly walking up a set of steps. This movie does not know how to edit at all. No, yeah, again. And for that, we missed the gun fight somewhere or something.

Yeah, exactly. So he goes back to see Jamie so that Tom can fill him in a bit on Mary's backstory. Apparently she was born to a welfare queen too. And here's how awful they introduce this. It's like, so what do you think, Ameri? And he's like, I mean, you know Christian women, those old maidens and Tom's like, hey, hey, hey, she got the shit fucked out of her. Fire husband.

He's dead now. She is not a maiden. She got the shit fucked out of her. We all know how the husband died. How the husband died is amazing. He died. Yes. She's like, you know, he was married.

She was married for a long time, but then her husband died in a knife fight in an emergency room. A knife fight at the emergency room. Why did they hold a knife fight? We should have taken this outside. We should never have this emergency room. We thought we'd be saving time. You know, you know, you'll get a meat in the emergency room. We thought we'd be saving time. You know, you'll get one of the emergency room.

We'll have the fight that, but no, if this was a bad idea, I'll write it. Goddamn, night fight. And there's also this great moment and this, this is one of those things that Christians do to me all the time that hisses me fucking off so bad. And they have no idea that it's an asshole thing to do. Tom is like, you know, you're a good person. You can keep telling me you're not a Christian all you want, but I don't believe you. I love that. So I love it because every time I see it in the movie, I get to scroll up to Noah's notes, which are always like, fuck you. But Tom walks out and Tom's like,

you deny Christ and that's your problem and he walks away. And then we hear, okay, so apparently John has a voice over that speaks in vinyl, right? Because every time he's supposed to do a voice over, the audio quality kicks down about three and not just so his voice over goes, I do deny you Jesus. And then he cries for a bit. And then we see a cut to him walking home and then we immediately cut to him back in the same fucking room like he did.

Yes. Doing testing out those door frames. What let's all right. So now Sam, the guy who originally suckered him in to take in this job by exploiting his tragedy shows up it and he's like, Hey, how things coming along here? And he's like, uh, fucking sucks, man.

Fucking sucks. The Sam showing up is so weird as well, because we open the scene with like John treating a patient. and then he stands up and Sam is just stood there and the door is shut. And it's like Sam, where did you come from? And have you not heard of Dr. Patient confidentiality? You can't just walk in here when I'm treating people. This is weird. Who the fuck keep saying people's name into the mirror in this room? And then, and then of course, Timmy runs in. Jamie's stuck in a well. Which means, by the

way, which means Jamie's in there with serious medical complications in the other room, and they left Timmy to look after him. Yeah. Why was he on watch? This, this clinic has major, major issues with safeguarding. What we did to make matters even worse. Fucking John goes into the room that Timmy was apparently just in watching over Jamie, pick some loose hills off the counter and feeds them to Jamie. Those are depositories, Timmy. No, oh, God. They were used to. But now Jamie wakes up and he starts saying Jesus words and I wrote my notes. Well, that'll be the end of them because I didn't think that this was going to be a 17-minute

long scene. Oh, this was such a long scene. I wouldn't mind it. Jamie's taken a long time to die. Get on with it. You all drunk and pervert. What's amazing is I just one moment in this giant death monologue. He's like, oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, I know all about the Bible, but he has this great moment where he goes,

can I confess my sins? And there's a seven hour long pause while all the characters in this movie are like, uh, not to me. And so we just sort of goes like, okay, no response. Gonna go ahead and keep monologuing. So I took up a confess my sins. I got so bad for him because at one point he goes, I sure do regret not having a been a preacher. And I'm like, how sad is your life if that's the best regret? You can come up with on your deathbed, right? And then after that, my fucking notes are like, God, is the whole last half hour of this movie going to be this dude dying? All of our notes, and I especially want to give props to Mars exceedingly British notes who become more and more British. It's more and more bored. It's like a note taking form of a b reasonable episode. By the

end, all of his notes are just, I mean, there's just nothing to say about this. Jimmy does say to John that he has to save little Timmy, because Timmy wouldn't listen to Jimmy. And that to me just sounded a lot like Jamie wanting to push Timmy up. John, you've got to sort Timmy out. He wasn't listening to me. You've got to sort this from me, John. Promise me you'll do this. Oh, and then after like nine minutes of Bible quotes, he goes, now everyone pray with me. I'm like, wasn't that all fucking thing a prayer? She is. And he keeps going quiet through this beach like he died. And then he starts up again. And I've got a theory I think he was ad-lemming all of this just to fuck with the other actors so they knew he was going to get to the end of his death scene but like, no, give him

to give him some. He let him do this to himself and he was just keeping it going. He took him seven minutes to die. That was an eighth of the film that we've been so far with him on this one-dead speech in the eighth of the film. Yes, yeah, there are literally false stops in the prayer and everything. And then he dies mid prayer. He goes, dear Heavenly Father, I'm so and then time. Yeah, he can't even die mid sentence the right way. Because the way you do is, oh, dear Heavenly Father,'m so, and you drift away, but he doesn't drift away. He stops on emphasis. Yeah. Emphasizes the light word and stops. It's, oh, it's amazing. And then John goes, well, I guess you'll have to finish that sentence to God personally.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, but when I say it, it's a threat. All of a sudden. Okay. Okay. Oh, flash cuts so much to Jamie, just bothering God as he walks around trying to do his chores. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's great Jamie. I got a lot of babies to give cancer to today, Jamie. Oh, what is that one involved in too? So yes. Then John walks out and he's got to go find Timmy, the street rat, give him the whole, don't worry, I'm sure we can find a different old man to bathe you, Timmy's speech.

Yeah, and he's talking to Timmy and Timmy says something to him and I didn't get a single word of it. I couldn't understand a thing this kid said throughout the entire film. I think he was sad, but I just got from context clues rather than anything else. I have no idea what was going on. Yeah, I have in my nose, I have no fucking clue what that kid is saying. That's all I've got. Could they not have done another take on that kid on any one of those, the lines that

kid said, I was not the best version they got out of that kid. I feel like if I had turned on the closed captioning at this point, it'd be like, oh, come on. Like we fucking know. Yeah. All right. And then John's vinyl voice over starts to chastise God, but then thinks better of it at length and decides that he does want to be a Christian after all.

So I got to tell you, God, sometimes, okay, you know what, this one's good. This one was good because you killed my friend and then you killed me And I just want to point out we had watched the show Hannibal before I started watching this movie and my wife was more freaked out By and left the room because of this film at this point. She was like this is fucking weird. Let me know we're gonna Watch a guy who eats people again Yeah, right he's in his head. He's going, God, I don't know if I believe

in you. You know what I do. I'm a Christian. And then he immediately turns to Timmy. And he goes, like, Timmy, you should be a Christian. I don't know what religion your mother is or anything. This is like when I watch a YouTube video about a thing and decide I'm into it. And the next time I see Noah, I'm like, oh, I don't know. Are you really into this thing? And Noah's got to listen to me talk about the thing I learned about this afternoon for 45 minutes, but a religion. All right.

So John heads back to the clinic, but this time as a Christian so much so that he even kind of likes Tom's preaching now. Yeah. so that he even kind of likes Tom's preaching now. Yeah, the only thing that we see change about John is that he spends less time doing medicine now. Yeah. Right, right, yes. He's in the back due to he's see a whole Bible reading montage and shit.

And then his buddy Bob shows up. Remember the guy who got Roofy in him at the beginning? Yeah, he turns up because he had no one to Rufi for a while. He's just coming. He just figures that clinic that's a good place to find to assign targets. I'm sorry, I've been trying to dose Carol, but I give her five pills.

She doesn't even get dizzy, man. I don't know what you're fucking doing. So Bob shows up and he's like, hey, man, you know, now that you got yourself cleaned up and you're not a drunk anymore, you want to go be a real doctor and make real money. And he's like, no, I you know, now that you got yourself cleaned up and you're not a drunk anymore, you want to go be a real doctor and make real money and he's like, no, I'm happy in my shit hole. No, but I'll tell you who would like to work here. You.

Yeah. Yeah, he says, nope, I'm signing you up once a month here. It's on the clipboard. Now you have to come and Bob's like, damn, it's on the clipboard. I have to come. God, it's a. And now we get another god damn doctoring montage. Yep. Yeah, but it's on the clip, what if the God could do it? God, yeah. And now we get another God damn, doctoring montage. Yep.

Yeah, but it's not very good doctrine. He helps a guy off a bed. Then he reads the Bible to the Charlie Sheen, wanna be a drug addict guy. And then he's trying to inject a child that is visibly feral. I mean, it's a child who's riding around angry. And all I'm thinking is that this is a child,

he tried to bath and the child's having none of it. And now he'm thinking is that this is a child he tried to bath and the child's having none of it. And now he's going to have to sedate the child and get into the bath. And also, by the way, all the neighborhood kids gather around to hear him breathe the Bible now. Oh God. And then we see splinter ladies back. We get splinter lady. We get the Tai Chi lady, the Kittie lady, Margaret cheese back. We've got no idea what's wrong with her, but now she's got two doctors, one on each of her hands. Yeah, right. So she patched Bob on the head too. And you know this actress like, that's my thing. I pat him on the head. That'll be. I'm a man, chatter. That's my mom. I'm on the move. I let you use my house for the opening scenes.

I got a head pattern lady gets three full scenes and she's in the dream montage and she's in the dream montage. But yeah, but like speaking of a house, he's now living like at the clinic or something. What happened to his house? He definitely had a house before. It was beige, there was newspaper on the floor.

Forgotten that he has a house and so is he. Right, yes, clearly. I was a lot of alcohol. It's like that lost episode of Hortars where they just burned the guys house down. That's what they did with this. It's a controlled demolition. So then he has a long voice over where he thanks God for being so awesome. Yeah. And I wrote in my notes, but it was all right. Everything was all right. The struggle was finished. He'd won the victory over himself. He loved big God. That's, that's what I've written in the notes. And then, okay, the next day, the red bandana gang is walking down the street. And John recognizes

him, right? He's like, hey, those are the kids that killed Jamie. Hi guys. And, but, but, but instead of doing anything about that, he walks over and he tries to like, A, A, one of the street drunks. Yep. This is the guy who says, and I quote, well, I ain't prayed since I was a baby. What? I did not pick up on that. That's amazing. Well, he says, I prayed since I was a baby, I'll consider it. And I just wanted a shot of him like sitting down on a bench. Should I think or should I not think? I'm a hobo.

Let me give this some serious considerations. He also said he'll consider it in the same way. He said it like he was accepting medical advice, like the doctor told him to like, you know, change your diet, do it more exercise. It was sort of taking in that spirit, but he was just being told to pray. Yeah, God was such a bad scene. This whole time at this point, I was almost switched off because I just thought, why is this film carrying on? Yeah.

So this film is done. He's been converted. He's fine. He's accepted the truth of God. He's accepted the big brother of God in there. We're done, right? This is that's the end of 1984. It's the end of this film. Why do we carry on? Yeah, right. No, yeah, exactly. Jamie's even dead. Why are there still 20 fucking minutes to go? Yeah, well, we're about to find out. So he tells this homeless guy he should pray and get off the booze and then he tasks this random homeless alcoholic with walking nurse Mary home. Like I almost know your name.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Walk her home and she's but she's like, it's all right. The street punks would never rape me. I think there's a vagin of Dantata reference there that they caught out earlier in the film. And by the way, she says that and then walks out of the movie. Yeah, she's like, it's fine. I killed one of them very publicly, very gory once and they just sort of make it a bad

for me. I still wear his teeth around my neck here, check it out. So John goes into the back to like, I don't know, close out the cash register or something. And one of the punks sneaks into the clinic to demand that he write a prescription at knife point. Yes. And I love this because the punk speaks in full, Mr. T mode. He's like, that writes me a prescription fool.

I ain't getting on no praying. That's the point. He just missed the T's all the way through. Yes. And I wanted him so badly to be specific here. Like, you're gonna write me a prescription, fool. Not vicaridine, man, that's got some, that's gonna make me nauseous. Well, yet no, like a codine, something,

the oxy would be good. It's oxy. But not a pill form, if you can get it in the patch. That'd be great. He also, he puts the knife to John's neck. And he said, I saw a program on TV about how you can kill it in the patch. That'd be great. He also, he puts the knife to John's neck and he said, I saw a program on TV about how you can kill someone by slicing them right in this spot by which he means the neck.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I want to watch that TV show. Good evening, welcome to Dateline. Tonight, stabbing in the neck, deadly menace, find out more. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But don't worry, John, he went to medical school. He knows how to knife fight. So he goes full ninja, slaps the knife out of the guy's hand and then throws him to the ground as though the Hulk fighting Loki at the end of Avengers. Right, like the punk tries to hit him with a crutch. He me. Oh, Ben's out of the way. For me, this was even more proof that he should have ended up marrying Mary because he's already proven he's immune from the one thing that killed Mary. You can't get

it in a knife fight. He's perfect for us. Oh, and he then calls the other doctor guy and he's like, Hey, bring some old clothes. It's going to get messy. I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And it's some serial killer shit. Now we're going to get medieval on his ass. Okay. I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Serial killer shit. Now we're gonna get medieval on his ass. Okay. I love that. There's a so they take him to the I guess the delirium, Tremens room or whatever they have at this clinic. And now him and another doctor basically tie this kid to a bed. For a while. I love the light slap he gives at this point to try to push John away.

I also love that this, I mean, this is a movie trope. It's not just like a Christian movie trope, but I love the light trust me. If we don't give you heroin for two days, when that's over, you'll be great. You'll be just fine after that. And you won't want heroin anymore. Yeah. That's a really weird line as well where John is healthy, he says, oh, I'll help him alright. But I'd like to slam his teeth throughout down his throat. I thought that is a weirdly violent image for what has been a not a very violent film.

Like you could say I want to punch him, I want to slap him, but I want to slam his teeth right down his throat. It was just weirdly viscous. In front of him. Right? He's like, don't worry, I'm going to take care of you. And he's like, no, man, you're trying to get revenge on me for killing your friend. He's like, no, I'm not. Anyways, I would love to hurt this person.

Let me tell you. Okay, but I'm just sad. I can hear you. All right. So now we get to see where he's like sitting over the kid watching over him and we're getting his voice over, like chastising got a little bit going like, okay, man, I get it, but don't make me help the black kid. He's hate-bring. I hate him. I hate his stupid face. I'm going to help him, but yuck.

Amen. Oh, there's an awful bit as well with this character who we already have a black, a black character who's both a criminal and a drug addict, but in talking to him, it turns out his father run away when he was a baby as well. So yeah, if they'd have thrown in like a fried chicken reference, they've basically got raced his finger and that offensive oil. It's awful. I will say though, there's this moment that I appreciated and I normally don't really

appreciate this as John is praying. Heroine kid, the kid's name is Sal, by the way. So Sal sits up and does that like waking up sitting straight up thing that I hate so much. But it interrupts a Christian prayer and that's the one time I'm willing to accept that physically impossible. Let's work together. Okay. So now it's time for detoxifying and learning Christianity montage.

Right. So John explains, he's like, I used to be an addict too for, you know, six weeks plus. I also was addicted to a thing. I know what it's like to be, you know, such a rough month and a half where I was drinking occasionally from a bottle that I occasionally found. It was, it was, it was dark times. And then we get what honestly is the weirdest thing any human being has ever said to any human being. Because John goes, you think you understand pain?

Well, here's what real pain is. And he goes to this incredibly detailed description of Jesus getting tortured to death. Oh, it's so weird. It's so, so weird. He wasn't asked at all about Jesus until like a few days ago. And now we super into the torture porn aspect of it. Yeah.

We spend almost as long on Jesus' death as we did on Jamie's. And that was fucking forever. Right. Well, is weird as the message, you don't know pain until you've been crucified is. What makes you all the fucking weirder is that at the end of it

Salah's like dude that's fucked up who are you talking about which means this was just coming off as a threat the entire time up tonight right he's never heard of it he's the only American who's never heard of Jesus it's amazing yeah you maybe you heard of this guy, this Jesus guy. First of all, whatever your goals are, okay, when the white guy's talking to the black guy, let's not lead off our metaphor with, imagine you getting whipped, okay? This is a general rule. It's whipping you until you're back as a piece of meat and then he says, shivna crown of thorns on your head and he says, and then they make you carry a heavy beam to the place where they're going to kill you. And at that point, I want it sell to say like, all right, so don't carry the beam. What are they going to do?

Kill you early before they can get you so far. I just love, doesn't easy out there. I just love the fucking juxtaposition there. Imagine being whipped until you bleed and then having spikes driven through your head and then having to carry something that's not heavy but awkward, it's kind of, it's going to be, you're back. You're just going to be super twisty later. You got to, and you wake up really sore, you know that thing, you're like, you're like,

you're a friend, you don't think you were going to be that sore, you've taken a bath the night before. But, when you're carrying it, you realize you forgot to bend at the knees, you bent to the bathroom, you think, and I'm going to regret that. It just turns into a PSA about the lifting cross probably. That's why he's a Christian. He's all about proper cross lifting. Otherwise, no, no, no. So I was like, Jesus bending over to pick up the cross and then there's a, an X through that. Jesus bending at the knees and there's a tick. Jesus lifting it up over and over again to heavy techno music. It's called CrossFit.

Oh, God. Sorry, he's not here. Someone's got to do it. Yeah, right. No, I get it. I get it. After you guys were so nice about, let me make you an over. You can't refuse Joe.

I'm dying to know. I'm sorry. I know this is a diversion, but I'm dying to know what it is that he's said to Pixie in the five minutes That they spoke that left her immediately assuming we were talking about him sticking his dick in a blender I'm dying to know anyway, sorry, but yeah, so he explains to Sal that God really loved his son, but in a killing kind of way Yeah, and then he says would you like to hear more and it's like well, you've made all the rest of it sounds so great with all the good thing that you tell me more. And now, sounds pretty much over the hero. And he's still coughs occasionally. He's the occasional hero and cough, but he's ready to be a Christian now. Yep. We get

that scene where he's like, it, Sam is walking him around or whatever. And he's like, man, this fool says that you can be a Christian just by saying that you're a Christian. It can't be, that would just be stupid, wouldn't it? You're saying I can't afford not to be a Christian. Yeah. He goes like, yeah, why would God give away something so valuable for nothing? And I'm like, hey, heroin addict. You remember that first it was free?

Remember, they just gave you that one. Well, also, the line, why would he give you so much for nothing? I thought that was a line that's not gonna work out well for them because that's what we think of Christians. Like why are you putting all that effort in for nothing? Yeah, there isn't a God. Why would anyone give all this stuff for nothing? Yeah.

Yeah. So John's like, it's all right here for you. Sally hands him a Bible. I so wanted to go into like an amalachite killing montage. See, I love that he has that wages of sinner death moment and he's got to be like, uh, keep reading, keep reading. So this is literally what happened. Sal is reading. He's like, see, it says the wages of sin or death. And he has to be like,

no, but literally says, but come on, Sal, I guess I brought the Bible with that sentence. You think God is threatening you? You're going to like call the cops on him. And when it went, when Sal is reading the Bible as well, he, you know, he, he says, you, it's the first step to accepting Jesus, John says, the first step to accepting Jesus is right here. And it's in the last 20, I saw a page of the book. If you look at the book that he's holding, he's quoting Romans and there's loads of chapters after that.

So they must be like one page chapters. You guys have read the Bible famously, the last few chapters, they're like three words that align barely anything to them. Actually, actually, they are. Though those, they, epistles and shit are like super, super quick. It's just revelation that's that's big. They're the really bad Catholic. I was all really bad. Yeah. No, but that's the funny thing. If you've actually read the, the, the Bible, you recognize which,

you know, when the Christians are actually being legit about being on the right page of the Bible. And you can always, you can always tell because if they're on the right page of the Bible, they're in the last 23 pages, right? Like they're, they're, they're, they're somewhere close to Revelation, but not there yet, right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. And they're really hoping you don't read to Revelation. Yeah. I'm sorry. Does this say eyeball monsters? Yeah. I like to bet it before you learned to read Midway through this scene. Yeah.

Early on, you couldn't have read Eyeball out loud. You were struggling with it. Weirdly in this scene. You got really good at reading really quickly. Oh, we have so much. We spend so much of this movie now just listening to a slow reader read bad stuff. And he's saying like, so you follow this? Wait, am I sending it with

guy's name right? Is it Jesus? Jesus? The only person in the world who's not heard of Jesus at this point. Yeah, and he's like, Oh, is this why you're helping me to be like, we're like Jesus? And he's like, no, no, I get infinite bonus lives in heaven. If I, if I do this, Oh, are you kidding? I hate you. I want to slam your teeth down yourself. I just pure self interest. I'd love for you to stop saying that. No. Yeah, we have the, the, what does repent mean scene, right? Like the question that every Christian walks around all day, hoping someone will ask. Yeah, yeah. Sal doesn't know what the word repent means and can't figure it out from the contextual clues of reading the Bible at the time when they forget what they mean at this point. Exactly.

You can explain it. And and we should be clear this whole thing of him like getting off the heroine and reading the Bible. This goes on for more than 10 minutes of the film. We are saving you so much time by describing it. But like how long has this scene meant to have been set over? Because we keep doing fades so we're skipping time. But I don't know if it's meant to be hours or days who just saw me fake, but I have no idea how long they've been in this room. Yeah, and they're in the same clothes the whole time. Yeah, and I know he's withdrawn from heroin,

but I can only imagine that the one thing worse than coming off heroin is coming off heroin whilst someone's reading the Bible too. So this just is worse. Jesus. Alright, but finally though, Saul decides he does want to give his life over to Jesus. Oh, there's just one bit right at the end of that before he finally gives in, where he looks up and he says, you know, it's hard to believe that you want me. And at this point, I like to think he wasn't talking to God.

He was talking to the dead baby that he can see crawling across the Yeah, but so he yeah, he's talking to God now he goes I'm sorry God for being a thief a liar a Hophead Hophead Hop they they just got these are that's from a pamphlet that the fucking dare was given out, okay? Nobody ever actually used it. Okay, anyway.

But we're getting climactic goddamn piano. We're almost there, guys. So he turns his life over to Jesus. And then we have this final scene where there are, like literally every person that they could get to come down for a slice of pizza is they there listening to John and all his friends read Bibles. Yeah, you've got the tramps who are previously dead. They're just wearing a slightly different costume. Yeah, exactly.

You've got the lady in the cab driver. I've still argue about the fact. Yeah, but no, we pan out to a preacher's wet dream. There are people by the thousand wanting to hear the word of God. Oh, and now we don't have to do that anymore. Okay, so anybody know what the moral of this story is? I'm pretty sure it's don't have your wife and kid killed. Yeah. Even that or get your own fucking blue shirt, I don't know.

The more it's totally okay to emotionally manipulate vulnerable people who just suffer to tragedy if you're doing it in the name of Jesus. That is the moral we actually see here. Wow, that actually is the fucking moral. Yup. It's instructional, dammit. All right, well Mars, I can't thank you enough for hanging out with us today. And if our listeners want to hear some more of you, where should they go?

You can find me on my podcast to do regularly, which is a sketch of the K. You can find me on B reasonable, which I haven't done for a couple of months, but I intend to promise you it's coming back. That's why I'll be talking about things that are wrong, but way more interesting than the wrong that was in this film. So you can check it out. Both of the shorts are on iTunes and in most places that podcast live. Awesome. Well, I will say like for most podcasts that I like, you know, that have an irregular release schedule, I'm always like, hey, you know, put out more episodes,

get a regular release. For the sake of your mental health, I'm glad that you only do be reasonable when you're up to it, dude. I'm going to be honest with you. I, a bunch of listeners that heard you on Skeptocrat wrote to me and said, man, I tried to do be reasonable. I tried. I really did. I, I think the reason was the only show whose Patreon goes up when we stop putting episodes out.

It's a public service to not publish them. Or they think, oh, he must be doing very well at this point. He needs this. He needs this. We need to get him back on his feet. Yeah. Right. Right. And if you don't know, by the way, be reasonable as a podcast where Mars talks to some of the, I'm not going to say worst people in, yeah, okay, I'll just go ahead and say they're not listening to this shit. Yeah. I'm talking to some of the worst people in sort of the anti skepticism world, flatter thers and people that have detox diets and all of that kind of bullshit. And really digs in and tries to figure out what

they think. And it's a super interesting thing, although it's frustrating is how to listen to some. Listen to Leo the lion. Don't listen to the lion. Don't start on. It's okay. Don't start there. That's like, it's like the Bible, right? We're going to give you the John 316 of Beary Snowball. Yeah, you know, he's not on Rodney Cliff, the hollow worth.

That's the favorite of the magic. That's my absolute favorite. Absolutely. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of the healing, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to renew ourselves for another season. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, you are gone next week.

So Heath has selected the Christian classic Rocky 5. Oh, when the cat's away, huh? I have no idea what you're talking about. It's totally a Christian. Okay. So with Rocky 5 to look forward to, we're going to bring up a new 12-door merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Michael Marshall

for helping us out today and a perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash godawful and thereby earn early access to an entry version of every episode. You can also help us to the time by leaving a five-star review on iTunes

and by sharing this show in all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows that's getting any of the excitation needed in the skepticrat available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can name out God off and

move you to gmail.com. Link and services for this podcast are provided by the law, if this is a P.A. after a tour as Tim Robinson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot and the people who drafts on Mars, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clarkam was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm an Olesian's promise to work hard during another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

God's kill-to-tremps to convert a rich guy plan went on to solve America's homelessness crisis. I will say Rudy Giuliani loves those numbers. Ha-ha-ha. Nurse Mary went on to decide whether they got to watch the World Series democratically. In retrospect, Timmy didn't miss the non-consensual bands. I wasn't sure if I was inconsistency or whether there was an extra level to this sketch that I just wasn't heading.

So you think along my lines, Marge? I'm the Andy Kaufman of my company. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2019. All rights reserved.