God Awful Movies - 219: The Reliant

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

This week, the gang gets together for a one-night only Fathom Event starring Kevin Sorbo*, Eric Roberts*, and the 2nd Amendment. --- *starring as in... in the movie enough for them to put them at the top of the cast list on IMDb --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

He has a giant ninja sword here in their little tent and it's my favorite. He won't stop carrying it around for the rest of the movie. It's a collector's item. Like I said, the weapons never match. Yeah. And by the way, yes, and it's one of those swords that like if you tried to tap a tree hard with it, the handle would break off. Yeah.

Oh, no, this, my wife has stopped me from buying this sort At four in the morning By coming downstairs and turning off the TV as I'm writing down a phone number so many Not awful movie OOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Just my good friend Heath and right he's welcome back. Thanks, Noah. So you know who just learned about a signed seating in a movie theater? Who's that? Everyone who saw this movie in Northern Kentucky, except me. It was just dozens and dozens and dozens of old people screaming seat numbers across the theater very confused after learning this concept for the first time.

So much fun. Do I take the chair with me to where I want to see it? What? Like a Lego. What? It was 20 minutes of that. It was ridiculous. Awesome. And guys, guess what? We got the band back together sitting 900 miles to my northeast. This is my bad friend Eli Bostic Eli. How are you this fine after the answer? I'm amazing Noah But however unlike this movie I will not promise to be on this episode and then be gone after the Right right. Yeah, exactly if you just weren't here in the B segment or something

Paul to sorbo the B segment or something. Paul D'Sorbo on. All right, so tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the reliance. Bob, Bob, Bob, out of the reliance. It's the story of I'm, I'm not sure. I don't know the projector at my theater broke several times. I honestly don't know what happened in the movie. I'm really hoping they explain some stuff in an early scene, I missed, because otherwise it's fucking insane.

But from what I patched together, the infamous Antifa biker gang of the world took over a Walmart in Ohio and the world plunged into anarchy. Nope. Yeah, you know, that's you didn't miss anything. That was the movie we watched. Interesting. Okay. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you stand for our nation's second amendment, in spite of all possible evidence,

both personal and statistical, even in your own film in the movie. Yup. You will love this movie. Let me tell you, this movie is a real sandy hook line and stinker. Oh, I see how you thought it was. Yeah, okay. So now this was, of course, this movie was so fucking good that theaters could not

handle a whole fucking weekend of all the people that would come in, right? So they had to shave it down to just one showing Thursday at 7 p.m. The golden hour as they called it. The cinematic universe Thursday at seven, you saw it then or you got to wait until it's free on Amazon next month, but we went to the goddamn theaters for it. They were playing every fucking where I only had to drive two hours each way to see it. It was a one night fathom event. It was goddamn amazing. Now I believe I won in terms of going to the theater to see it. I hissed off the audience by spontaneously laughing three

times. Oh, does it, can anyone beat three? I definitely laughed when you weren't supposed to, which is anytime you would laugh. I did a lot in life. I did that. But definitely want to watch in Kevin's store movies. I did that a lot more than three times, but I only got in trouble. I think specifically that I noted in my notes twice. Yeah, I think I'm, I think I'm at two two. So yeah, you're, you're, you're the one. Okay. Yeah. No, wait, by the third time I left everyone else in the theater, it also given up on the movie. So I only pissed people off twice. So I guess we're tied. All right. So is there anything you guys want to

nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. Noah, you already started to mention it. I'm going to say best worst theater release, which was yesterday and they got pulled. They had enough money to buy one day of theater time and they're hoping to make enough on that day to eventually buy more theater time. That's the good point. Oh, is that so? Yeah.

It's like going to a high-stakes poker table and buying one chip. The business model. Yeah, the art. All right. And by the way, that's not like their secret plan. That's not like, oh, we know this from insiders. That's their plan. According to their website, yes, sent that to someone and we're like, hey, put this

on the front page of our website. Yep. You guys need to double up in the seats in Christian cities like Cincinnati and they did fuck it was packed. Oh Alright, so I was gonna go with best worst weapons No one in this movie ever has a reasonable fucking weapon either they're walking around like turn in corners with a weapon, either they're walking around like turnin' corners with a gaddling gun or they have some weird mid evil fucking morning star shit going on. It's just too subtle to be intentionally fucking with us, but it's too insane not to be fucking with us. There's a Damascus sword in this movie.

There is. It's a Rugi starts walking around. We do. We got one of those. And by the way, just to make sure that they had this category the best worst weapons one on lockdown the marketing for this film Included an assault rifle raffle. Yes, it did wait what they literally they literally gave away an assault rifle to a random viewer as part of the marketing for this It you're allowed to do that. I don't think you I hope you're not out to do that. I don't think you I hope you're not me. Do a heroin raffle that would be so much. Absolutely would be. I feel like honestly, if you want background checks, just

check and see if they saw this fucking movie. Put them on the list. If they saw this movie, I'm fine going on the list. If that's the way it's done, all right? Yeah, check my background. Good. Just to theirs too. Thank you. I'm going to go with best worst movie blackout. So it's right towards the end of the film, but this film will pass out and wake up in the

middle of itself. We'll get to it. We will. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we're going to pause here for one two hundred and forty-th of the time I spent driving to see this motherfucker. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the playing guns in the backyard that is the reliance. Kevin! Hey, Sorbet! Hey, guys, how's it going? You mind if I smoke in here? Um, well, thank you. Great. Okay. So, uh, Mr. Sorbo, we can't tell you how excited we are to have you as part of our big. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm fucking pleased as punch to be here, guys. You did a swim. Love the script. Absolutely. Love it.

Just one little problem. What's that, Mr. Sorbo? Well, haven't read it yet. Don't have the time. So hit me, boys. Oh, okay. So we're going to start off with Brian Bosworth's daughter dying in a car accident. Oh, her name is Faith.

Get it? Yeah. Love it. love it, go. Right, right. But he fights the hospital cops so he ends up going to jail. Right, relatable. Who hasn't been there, right? Exactly, exactly.

So seven years later, you and your family are celebrating your son's birthday when a giant band of looters led by Brian Paz worth attacks your house. Right, tax my house makes perfect sense. Oh, and by the way, your daughter doesn't like guns at all. Bitch. Right?

Yeah. Okay, just real quick. How about we kill my character right here? And then I can go sit on a boat and watch reruns a Hercules. I mean, can we still use you in the trailer? I expect to be in 100% of the trailer. Keep going.

Oh, okay. All right. So you get killed, I guess. And then we think that your wife gets killed too. So we cut to one month later, your family's all camped out in the woods, but they go back to your house for some medicine and some guns. Medicine and guns, right? The two most vital parts of survival.

Sure, great. Yeah. And your daughter, the one who doesn't like guns, she runs into her fiance, who she thought was dead, but was actually just out looting and murdering with the people who killed you and your wife. Okay. Is he a Jew?

Actually, legal made us cut explicitly saying he's Jewish. Yeah, classic. They do that. Same thing happened in Let There Be Light, actually. Same thing, exactly. Cool. So he's with the family now, but she's mad at him for all the looting and murdering. And your son spends his time loudly posing theological debates to his sisters while he should be hiding.

Okay, is he a Jew? No, he's your son in the movie. Like in real life? No, no, in the movie. Oh, okay, got it. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, Hercules meant there's a lot of swimmers out in foreign waters, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, we don't know for sure. He's not...

So anyway, one night someone sneaks in and steals their bug out bag so your son leaves to go join the looters. And then just as he does, the tent burns down. But luckily, mom is there with two sassy marshals. Very sassy and then together, they take down the bad guys and bring Brian Pazworth to Jesus. Right, but your juice son-in-law dies. Fucking nice.

And your daughter has a flashback to your dead daughter's accidental gun death. Right, you wanna make an omelet? That's what I said, I want to play in the movie. Yeah, cool, good. So wait though, you boys are telling me I'm in nine minutes of this thing, and the rest of it is sitting in the woods, arguing theology, all while demonstrating how useless

and dangerous guns are, even in the unrealistic fantasy of someone who worships them. Yes. I am 100% in hot damn. Tim! Why why mr. Sorbo did a swear first? I did You guys notice I'm looking more and more like a horse And we're back for the breakdown and I got to say the fun with this one started way before the credits All right, this was a as we said a one night fathom event So it was preceded by this little like six or seven minute DVD outtake documentary thing or whatever that

repeated for like half an hour before it. So I was already in the love with this movie way before it started. The writer comes on and goes like, every time we made, we ran out of money, God would find us more money. Yup. I'm like, oh, is that why you had to do your church seen under a green screen? He he. Actual quotes.

They could get a church. No, that's weird. Not for this one. Yeah. I fell in love with the movie when I saw three guys with matching Jesus shirts as I walked in. Is that a thing? Jesus? I don't know what that is. Apparently

it's hot. Yeah. Sounds like Jesus, but it was spelled Jesus. I don't even know what it is, but as I saw that, I was like, this is going to be amazing. And then I saw a giant crowd of very, very old, very, very drunk people walking in. Oh, nice. It was pretty exciting. So yeah, I had a pretty full theater. Eli, I. Theater. Speaker 1, Speaker 2, Speaker 1, Speaker 1, Speaker 2, So yeah, I had a pretty full theater. Eli, I know you were scared that you were going to have to watch this one naked. Was there anybody else in the theater with you? No, it was me, two gamblers, and the same little old lady who has been in every movie

I have ever watched in New Jersey. Who now says hello and goodbye by saying God bless you to me every time she walks in and out of the theater. Did you have any non-senior citizens? I did not. No. I had one besides me. There was, there was all the old people.

There was me. The only other person under 60 was, I'm pretty sure inside a Faraday cage that he built. And I'm pretty sure he's an artisanal gunmaker. I'm pretty sure that's a goodisanal gunmaker. Pretty sure that's based on his appearance. I had one person under 60 in my theater as well and he looked so fucking out of place. And then I found out after the show that he was a listener. So yeah, there you go. Really?

Yeah. Nice. But no, I'm not. The only thing I want to point out about my pre-show thing is, yes, I got the amazing documentary. I want to point out about my pre-show thing is yes, I got the amazing documentary, but my amazing documentary was immediately followed by the gaste ad for Cirque du Soleil. I've ever seen so my entire theater like froze in gay panic because it was really like, yeah, we prayed to the Lord every day and then it was like, hallamala look at this dude's balls. was like, all the more look at this dude's balls. No, no, no, really close on balls.

All right, I'm sorry. There's two things from the documentary that I absolutely had to point out. One is there's this little behind the scenes interview with Kevin Sorbo where he's describing his methodology of deciding what movies to do. He says, you know, I read the first 20 pages of the script. And if it holds my interest, I go with it. So somewhere in the world, there is a file of the script, Kevin Sorbo rejected, and I want that. So God damn bad. The second was the director comes on and he goes, you know, what, what's

going to really connect people to this movie is that it's realistic. It's not about the zombie virus or quote The tornadoes from the comet that hit the earth What That sounds like an alien jumped into his body for this interview and All the sudden had to give two examples of movies while like looking around a movie theater to try and guess what human movies are. Yes. And also guessing what a tornado and a comet are apparently.

Right. Right. And beyond that, even if he'd gotten that right, the director is selling this movie on its realism. Yep. Thought that was worth it. movie on its realism. Yep. Thought that was worth the emphasis, I say. Yep.

And this is when my theater was like, uh, we're having technical difficulties. We're not going to be able to show you the movie right away. So I got to spend an extra 15 minutes just listening to like really loud, separate conversations about Fox and friends and the interaction of alcohol and arthritis medication. It was so many popcorn farts that full volume. Yeah. God's movie technical difficulty.

Yeah, right. Right. I'm pretty sure I know I missed the next scene from what you guys explained to me earlier. Okay. All right. So we, yeah, we'll walk you through it The movie finally starts and this is a bold fucking choice. They decide to open on Brian Bosworth acting So yeah, he bring in this I missed I missed the boss doing his like bits. Oh, yeah No, yeah, the whole first like three minutes of this movie our boss looking at the camera going, someone help my daughter who is limping in my arms.

So yes, so his daughter was in a car accident. He runs in screaming for help. Dr. Kevin Sorbo shows up, right? And he realizes that the boss reeks of booze. He was out drunk driving and and cause this accident. So he tells the security guards, hey, you got to watch this guy. I'll go save his daughter. Tiny note here, because I want to see if maybe there was an error in my film as well.

Noah, was your security guard a CGI baby? Cause my security guard is a CGI baby. I got him down his, skipping the security munchkin. Okay. Good. Consistent. Did your security guard look like Eli? Yeah. All right. So, but and this is where we introduce one of the most painful parts of this movie, the little girl, his little girl's name, Baza's is faith. So get it. That's, that's really clever. Oh my God. And

so they're bringing the daughter back and and Bosch is screaming after them. I can't lose my faith. Oh, that's genius. They tie it back in later. I like this movie. Oh, yeah, there's about 231 more of those. So get ready. It's a matter of it. The fucking security munchkin turns to me. He says now because he, because he, like they try to cop him and nobody cops the boss. damn it. So he fights with him until he's got the gun and skipping the security munchkin goes, now what would your faith tell you to do? Now what was our fifth tell of the world? All right, but boss does give up his gun and they march off. And then we cut to seven years later. And this is when my movie started. So I was like, wow, seven years later is the cold open.

I want to make a Christian movie so bad and do that now. All right. So, and we're going to meet a plethora of fucking people. So keep up. We're going to meet Sophie and Adam. They are a plethora of fucking people. So keep up. We're gonna meet Sophie and Adam. They are a just barely adult couple that are about to get married. And and Sophie is Kevin Sorbo's oldest daughter. We're also gonna meet Eli and Jimmy. That's the older and younger brothers in this family. And we're also gonna introduce and this is so fucking lazy on the background in the TV. The news guy is saying the dollar is collapsed and society is over now. Meanwhile, the weather or something.

We're still here though. Yeah, right. We're still broadcasting television, but society is collapsed. Fox and friends runs on its own generator. We're using Bitcoin. It's fine. We're using Bitcoin. It's fine. We're still going here at Fox. Yeah.

Also, tiny thing, they play a little chess in this scene. And we have never once seen a movie for this show that has ever correctly played chess or not done something wildly stupid, chess wise. And they kept the pattern going. I think they set up the board in a way that might have been theoretically possible. But they show one of the characters using his knight and he double hops it. He can't like in his head, do the math of up to over one. He walks it one, two, no.

Amazing. I love for yes. Amazing. I love that shit. And by the way, I should point out that the whole fucking premise of this movie is that society has collapsed in the background and I've looted throughout everything. None of that is ever explained. All we ever get is somebody on the TV going, well, the dollar is collapsed. You know what that means? The apocalypse.

No log, the perch. Perch. Perch. Right, right, except for everybody at Walmart. I don't know about you guys, but I take out my machete in my perch mask every morning. I check the value of the dollar and I start the food away. Yeah. And when the dollar collapses to zero, that's when you go try to rob cash dollars from the US. Yes, right.

I love it. They're walking around spending fucking money at the beginning of this top mass. Just going to Walmart with a handful of liquid silver. I don't know what the fuck they think. Do you take back her buckets at journeys? So, but it just so happens that we've caught these guys on Jimmy's birthday. So the little girl comes and says, Jimmy, it's time to stop pretending to play chess. This is getting painful. Come over here and open your one fucking birthday present. Open your present and no one

gets too presents in a movie. I didn't see the scene either. My projector broke again. Really, they gave me the, you just saw the odd number scene. Yeah, that I thought that was going to be the pattern. I was like, this is really happy about this, actually. I got disappointed when it started working for most of the rest of the movie. Made it out of here in 40 minutes. This is the fucking best. Yeah, right. All right.

So no, so dad got him a rocket launcher. I mean, this gun is ridiculous. As with all the guns in this movie, it's like nine times more gun than you could ever need for any real human situation. Yeah. I got you this satellite that shoots down nuclear missiles. Yeah. shoots down nuclear miss. Yeah, right. Yeah. And Sophie, the oldest daughter goes, she's dad on his birthday and then storms off all anti gun. That's going to be important to the movie as well. And then quick before they can eat cake or open the rest of the presents, Kevin Sorbo is like, come on, let's, let's shoot stuff. Oh, that was awkward. Who wants to shoot a gun? Huh? Yeah.

How about some gun shooting? Also, we should point out at this point that the movie is shot like through the camera shot in such a manner that I believe nobody told the cameraman how or where the actors were going to stand before he filmed this movie. Yes. The camera is always chasing after everyone every time they move. Well, it beyond that to every camera angle has a distinct no, no, because the pantry is there, kind of a field to camera placement, too, right? He's constantly in this tiny fucking room, trying desperately to get all the actors in the same shot. All right. So Sophie storms off to her room, and this is going to be pivotal to the film.

We see her hiding a small key. We also introduce mysterious dead sister in this movie. We'll come back to both of those. See if you can solve this puzzle. The sister's dead. The big sister doesn't like guns. Yeah, I was sure it was like, oh, it's a mass shooting. This is like a new town child.

This is terrible. Put that in their movie. In their movie. And it's actually, it turns out when we get the reveal, it turns out it was worse than that, right? It's literally worse than that. That's correct. Yep.

At least in terms of making their pro second amendment point, and that's what's amazing to me. They advertise this is a pro second amendment action movie. Like finally an action movie that doesn't denigrate guns. So what? Yeah. By the way, one of their detail on my walk into the theater, you just reminded me, I saw a Christian themed t-shirt

that was a memorial to the people who got shot in Dayton. Oh, wow. It was like a pro second amendment memorial shirt about the shootings in Dayton. Wow. Wow. To be fair though, the day that guy walked into that t-shirt shop, he nailed it with his beliefs. He was like, hi, sorry to take your time. First of all, do you have a shirt that expresses my condolences for those who died in Dayton while expressing my commitment to the second method to do

you take back or buckets? And they did. And they did. They held it on all fronts. All right. So now we're going to cut over to K sorps, Jimmy, that's the older brother and Adam. That's the fiance driving out to this shooting range. And Adam is talking about that last year when would Sophie stormed up and he's like, well, what was that all about? And K sorps is like, what this is this actual line? He says, well, let's just say she has a little trouble letting things go. Now that becomes so much more fucked up when you realize that the thing she's having trouble letting go is the fact that he Fologiously killed his daughter through negligence. Yeah, he's a daughter

What she has problems letting go is his dead Child yes yes All right, so they pull up at the ammo store, I guess, to get bullets. And you see there's a bunch of protesters off to the side. Now good luck determining what these guys are protesting. Oh shit, here comes me and my group of hippies. I love the fucking signs for this protest.

Yes, okay, signs are amazing. They're just vague this protest. Yes. Okay. Signs are amazing. They're just vague single word. Yes. Disobe. Disobe and just like stop. Yeah. There's also one that says, where is our justice?

Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah, clever. Yeah. And also, so this is like kind of supposed to be Antifa, right? They're trying to like, uh-huh, point in that direction. Apparently they think Antifa is pirates. Yep, but like, Biker themed pirates, some weird combination of that pirate bikers. Also, and I will admit, I cheated.

I only know this because of the incredible documentary before the movie. One of the signs is an anarchist A that they got wrong several times, but still kept the sign for you can see the stop making it a star. Joshua swear to mother fuck. So yes, they pull up into the store. They see the Antifa people marching that way. And they're like, you know, don't look them in the high or something. And they go into the store anyway. And of course, the store gets attacked by Antifa while they're in their getting their bullets. Yeah. And every single person in this store has like nine holstered guns ready to go. And they just pull them out and start firing.

But it doesn't really help. All right, well, that's the amazing thing about this movie is it is this is the first time that all the armed characters get mod by unarmed people and fucking die because that's not how guns work. Yes, there was a room full of guns and according to them, the good guys lose here. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So in, oh, I love this. So fucking much. So they're running out to their car. Of course, Kevin Sorbo just pulls his pistol out of his waistline that he carries with him everywhere. They run out to the parking lot. Jimmy gets knocked out and Adam's about to get fucked up.

So Kevin Sorbo shoots in the air and he yells, leave us alone. That that clip is my favorite. Like imagine writing that line into your movie. And then not eating bleach. What? And in his head, a lightning bolt went out of his gun and into the sky and lit up the heavens. It was amazing.

He's scary. Leave us alone. And then after he shot that bullet in the air, he tries to like keep helping people. And I really want him to be like, oh, fuck, that was. I'm out of bullets now from running. I was dumb, dumb. So we have this use them all on bad guys. We have this amazingly cliche moment to where they try to get in the car.

The car won't start because it's suddenly from the fucking 70s. Like, come on, cars don't even do that shit anymore, but it's a movie. So the fucking car won't start at first and all the bad guys are attacking him, but they get away. And he hustles back to his house, yells to his kids as he pulls up, they pull up, there's a goddamn handaxe hanging out of the window of the car. They didn't bother to push out the handaxe on the way or anything. No, it's just hanging out there, like the fucking ninja stars and ninja. It's gonna play some mumbly peg. So he hustles so many yells to the kids. He's like, grab your, the government is coming back.

Skids quick. They're storming the strategic location of our town in rural Ohio. Yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna be a big takeover of the world, but right here first now, this is where it's starting. Starting here. Yeah. And so this movie finally revealed itself to be the prepper porn that it is because the daughter's going like, Dad, you're always so weird about your dog and determination and preparedness.

Nothing like what's happening in this movie will ever. Oh, no. Right. Like that's how this whole scene plays out. Right, but again, in the proper imagination, they lock themselves in their gym backer safe and dehydrated eggs for six years while you and I all get butt fucked by like Portland college students or whatever the fuck's going on, right? That's what actually happens is they fucking die well right they have to explain that away right because obviously nobody who watches this movie

would be able to sympathize at all with with Kevin Sorbo if he didn't have a plan for this kind of shit but his bitchy liberal daughter fucked it all up because that key that we saw hiding earlier that was the key to the gun safe, y'all. Oh, so he, and again, just to be clear, this movie isn't positing Kevin Sorbo dies because he is unarmed. They're positing that Kevin Sorbo dies because he doesn't have enough guns when facing his opponents. Right, right.

And because gun safes are fucking stupid and they take lives. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Guns don'tes are fucking stupid and they take lives. Yeah, that's exactly, exactly. Guns don't kill people. Guns safes kill people. Also, let me just get this out of the way right now because it's the greatest reveal of all time. It will turn out that the safe is not key operated. No, you're right.

Nope. Also, I love this vision of the the anti gun person that Sophie's standing around because like the bad guys show up, right? And they start shooting and Kevin sort of a shooting back. Everybody's shooting and everybody. And she's still sticking with her guns on that anti gun thing, right? She's still like, no, I'm not going to tell you because they because those are murder weapons. I'll just stay here.

I'll tell them I'm a Democrat. I will be fine. You guys. What you got to do. Um, yes. So the bad guy showed up and then of course, Sorbo has another fire up bullet in the air yell moment where he goes, we will defend ourselves, which is by the way, what northern montana and say when they come, right? But Brian Bosworth

is there for revenge, apparently, right? So his daughter died from the car accident and Kevin, he blames Kevin Sorbel the doctor for that for some reason. Oh, okay. This makes slightly more sense now. I thought the boss was just like, we're going to kill a doctor today. I know one of those. Yeah. I honestly better than the movie. Just going to throw that out there. If you just been like, any meanie, mindy buzz, there we go. Yeah. And then this is where they piss us off entirely by killing off K-Sharps. We came for a fucking K-Sharps movie where eight minutes in and he's dead now. How bad is your movie when you can't afford Kevin Sorbo the whole thing?

Oh, even worse than that, did you guys see who was first built in this movie on IMDB? Eric Roberts. Eric Roberts. Where was he? I didn't see him. Neither did I. He's the gun store owner. Remember when they go to Walmart to get bullets?

Oh, you're kidding me. Oh, you're kidding me. Oh, Walmart to get bullets? Oh, you're kidding me. Oh, you're kidding me. Less than Sorbo. Yeah. He isn't it for a quarter of a second. He's like, protect the people, not their property. Oh, God, Jesus Christ. He is out of the house.

Is there Eric Roberts? One hundred percent had a really violent flashback and had to stop filming. There's no question about that. All right. So K-S sores dies dramatically. They're radically under armed, but the kids have to run into the woods because that's the only place this movie could afford to shoot. Yep. Like 20 feet into the woods. Yep. To be clear. Again, it's just the backyard. They're just going into the backyard of their house. Yes. It'll continue to not make any sense because of that for the entire movie.

They will fail to not catch there or someone else's house in their shot of the woods 150 times throughout the smell. Right. All right. So now the kids of hall desk, right? All five of the kids, but the mom and the fiance are stuck at the house. So we have this moment where like where like the boss and a guy who I just have written in his straw hat.

Yeah, I have in the straw cowboy hat too. Okay. Yes. So if straw hat and the boss are going to like, you know, question the wife and shit about where their kids are. Damn it. Because he's still at least to get revenge on the dead Kevin Sorbo by I don't know fucking with his kids stealing his daughter is what it sounded like to me at this point and I think that might still be the case, right? It goes up to the mom and he's like, all right, one time offer. He shows her a picture of a child and then he's like, I'm going to take your daughter. That's the offer and mom's like, I'm going to take your daughter. That's the offer. And mom's like, no.

Yeah. What? How did that fit into the plot? I don't understand. Even after you explained to me what I missed, I don't understand. No, because it makes a ton of sense. Because remember later on when it's revealed that he's snuck into their campsite, he steals their backpack. Exactly. Right, member? That's how you know he's after their daughter. They're backpack exactly, right, member? That's how you know he's after their daughter. That doesn't even have a Jansport backpack. Yeah, they don't do. Yeah, the amazing thing about it is there are no number of scenes we could add back into

your viewing experience to make any of this make sense. Keith, I figured that might be the case. I had a funny feeling it didn't fucking matter that I missed stuff. Yeah. But the whole reason that actually happens, right, because it doesn't make any fucking sense. This is my daughter. You have one that's approximately the same size and color I'll take it.

Right. That doesn't make any sense, but it sets up the amazing line from mom where she says, I die before I would give up my faith. Huh? Sheldon's faith. Faith is the name. Yep, the child. So good. Also, there's this amazing moment where like Adam won't tell them where the kids went

either, which I mean, they went into the woods and everyone saw that, but okay, but he won't tell them where they went. And so there's this we gas nowhere near them gun butt strike that the boss does. And somehow that is going to be my Halloween costume. That little weak gas hit. Oh, I got it. I have it. Just so you're interested. Okay. So you dress up, right? Normal, normal clothes. You dress Lucinda as a gun. And she just dances around you in a circle. I'm getting him. There we go. Yeah, right, right, there we go. All right. They'll use a gun as a varmant hammer later in the. They will. They will.

So, all right. So now we cut a month ahead of time, right? This is a month later, the kids are still living in the backyard. And they have a makeshift tent made of tarps. Yeah. Okay. Now, I am no out. This is going to surprise listeners and coworkers alike. I'm not an outdoorsman. Do you keep a fire inside your tent? Not ideally you can be done. Not the way they were doing it. No, you would die of smoke and ovation. People should not do that. Yeah. Every time they walked, they should definitely not do that. In and out of the set, I wanted them to open the flap and just plumes of smoke.

Yeah. They have zero ventilation on it. There's no smoke coming out of the top of it. So I don't know where it's going. Also, on the way out into the woods to show us this tent, we see him walking just for a second. And the little brother eats it so hard. And finally, he clearly heard himself for real. And his name is Eli. And it looked so exactly like many times that I've been walking on a very level sidewalk in a city next to Eli and he just collapses into a poor for no reason. It's in the name.

Enjoy that so much. It's in the name. We Eli's not. We don't balance well. All right. So, yes, so we cut to the kids a month later. They're in their little tent. Sophie is masturbating to a picture of her wedding dress.

Apparently, Faith, the little girl got shot in the head at some point in their little tent. Sophie is masturbating to a picture of her wedding dress. Apparently faith, the little girl got shot in the head at some point in the altercation, but don't worry, not in a bad way. Yeah. And she's got like a bloody bandage wrapped around her head that clearly hasn't been changed forever. So she's just had like a massive bleeding head wound for a month or their most recent title.

Yes. And just to be clear, that will not be the focus. It's not let's get faith help. It is, ah, man, face wound-based night terrors are irritating. Yes. Damn her inner PTSD. Yeah. Also one other fantastic detail about this scene. I thought I saw one of the older

brothers when they were going back into the house and then running into the woods. I thought I saw him grab a sword and I was like, did he fucking grab a sword? Is that really what happened? And he did. He did. He has a giant ninja sword here in their little tent. And it's my favorite. He won't stop carrying it around for the rest of the movie. It's a collector's item. Like I said, the weapons never match. Yeah. And by the way, yes, it's one of those swords that like if you tried to tap a tree hard with it, the handle would break off. Yeah. Oh, no, this, my wife has stopped me from buying this sort at four in the morning by coming downstairs and turning off the TV as I'm writing down a phone number so many times.

Yeah. And this guy is attached to the sword the way Eli would have been if he got that at four in the morning. Yes, exactly. He will not let go of the sword ever or use him. He will also never use the sword too, which is no, but he'll try to pretend he's about to. Yes, but he never will. And also, they're all like in great full makeup after a month and a tent at this point. And this guy with the sword is like perfectly shaved. Yeah. And they're like, have you been shaving this all month?

He's like, I shave with my sword. I told you I brought the sword for her stuff. Shut up. But he's not the only one with a dumb fucking weapon. Okay, so we get the scene right after that right, the kids have been out in the woods for 30 days. Now they have to go back to the house for some antibiotics because 30 days later, they're starting to worry about that still bleeding head wound. They're a little sister. Maybe we should go back to the house. It's like right there. I can see it. We have a we have an acre of woods were in the beginning of it. The house, we just go right to the house. There's medicine. There's everything. Look, we said we would give

it a calendar month and the head wound hasn't healed up. So now we go back. Okay. Yeah. So they're going back for some antibiotics and I shit you not Jimmy has his fucking ninja sword Sophie has a goddamn bow and arrow I feel like these two actors just had a game going where they were trying to sneak ever silly or weapons into the production Yeah, I wrote they have a bow and an ninja sword this movie should be called Rambo first blood of the lamb The bow and an ninja sword, this movie should be called Rambo first blood of the lamb. Wait, when did Rambo have a sword? That would have been fucking awesome. Did one of them have a Gandalf staff that he had made at this point also?

No, it was a spear. He had his homemade hand. He had the spear. Yeah. Yes. Oh, he had a stick spear combo that he lashed together with the reeds from the woods behind that. Yes. Yeah. Man, 30 days into a fucking yard camp and you go full Lord of the flies. Got it. So the fat brother's head is on the

top of the tower. All right. So they go back to the house, the sofian and Jimmy, the two oldest, tell the little kids to hang back. They go back into their house. The house is filled with rats and skunks. It's only been a month, so I feel like it was already pretty messy to start with. Let's be honest. Right, but why is the house trashed to this extent? Maybe a tiny bit like, okay, looters came through and took some, but why would they just like flip everything over and like carry in flaming barrels to make it extra

apocalyptic. It's so dumb. Well, you know, when the dollar collapses, and Tifa comes and turns your house into a safe space and you need to fucking table. The dollar has collapsed. Everybody ransacked the couch. Just look for coins. Oh, no, wait, those are. Oh, it's a quarter up. A dollar fuck. I didn't even think about it. They've had loose gold in the couch.

I don't know. All right. So they get back to the house. The Sophie's like, let's split up. And even Jimmie's like, he's from the inside. The movie's like, no, that's fucking stupid, man. No. But what the reason she wants to split up is so that she can go get the key to the gun safe without letting him know that she's the one that hit it and thereby killed dad. No lock though, Jimmy sees her picking it up. So now he knows all that.

So it was you who took away our second amendment rights all along. Exactly. I wanted to eat the key at that point, just like Crowley, like, let's suck it. No, don't fish this out of shit now. You'll think. So all right. So they cut her open. Yeah. With the samurai sword. See? Yeah. There you go. You're making fun of me for having this collector's item.

Uh, so I gain value. The series are limited. They were going fast. They were almost sold out. They did sell them in minutes. I called in the next visit to the website. I went for the next series. Yeah, didn't get free.

I know analysts are the show. Fucking got a sham wow too. Trying to make investments for a family. Sham wow. The guy's angry that I was getting it at that price. He seemed to angry genuinely angry. All right. So now they got a head down to the basement where they keep the gun safe.

There's a corpse in the basement. So if he's like, oh, gross, a corpse in the basement. And Jimmy's like, fuck off. It's not even somebody we know. Quit whining. She's like, yeah, fair, fair point. Fair point. So and then they go to the gun safe and

It's combination safe. It's a combination safe It's they they show us a close-up of him putting a fucking combination into it But before anyone's like, oh, you know a lot of saves have a Combination and then the use a key you wouldn't need to show that in your fucking movie Wouldn't it would have been really easy for them to also show us him putting a key in it. Yes. Or not show the combination part. Right. Just have it stay a key because you set up a key. God damn right. There's so many ways to avoid this confusion.

To be fair though, if they had had to keep the guns of this movie in a big ass jewelry box, that would have been pretty fantastic. Little ballerina pops up, just grab the AK 47. And let's go. All right. So they have a quick, you know, should we stay or should we go now conversation, Sophie and Jimmy, and just then a bunch of other people arrive. It's straw hat, Adam Robbie, who we haven't introduced and Randall, who will never introduce. Hey, Heath, an answer to your notes.

No, we don't know who the fuck Robbie is. We have no, oh, no idea. No, okay, because they're like, Robbie, we know all about you. So does the audience. This is perfect. Right. No, we know all about you. So does the audience. This is perfect. Right. No, we don't. Nope.

No, Robbie is apparently Jimmy's buddy from the Priapocalypse. Guys, maybe this movie is like one of those sacred emulates that Laura Kraft was after. We all got different versions and if we piece it together, we get to see a movie that makes sense.

Ha, ha. Jesus Christ. Um, and, okay. And by the way, Adam, the fiance, We get to see a movie that makes sense. Jesus Christ. Um, and, okay. And by the way, Adam, the fiance, Sophie's fiance, he's just fine. He's been fine the whole time. He's just been out looting and killing and having a good old time. Yes, which, which we discovered because she's like gonna borrow his knife real quick. And she's like, hey, hun, whose blood is on this knife?

And he goes, not a kid that I killed for food, not that. real quick and she's like, Hey, huh? Who's blood is on this knife? And he goes, not a kid that I killed for food, not that. Okay. Nobody asked about a kid. Now it feels like it's a kid. Did you kill a kid? Yeah, I killed it. I killed a kid. You did kill a kid. Okay, wow. He goes, well, it's not like I was killing anybody with it. And then his buddies go like, well, you killed that one kid for the food.

He was guys. Go on. He was a big kid. Literally what he says. I wanted him so badly to pull straw hat into the other room for a whisper fight. Just like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. I'll come to my fiance. I was going to ease her into the, I murdered a kid conversation.

We can hear you guys in the other room. It's right there. No, you can't. I'll kill you. You can kill that kid. Fuck. God damn it. All right.

Also, by the way, this guy in the like Oklahoma prop straw hat cowboy situation. That's the bad guy from the beginning, right? Yes, definitely. The guy is okay. That's very clear and it should be to everybody. And one of the characters that's supposed to be a good guy is like, aren't you the fucking Pier one import cowboy that tried to kill us earlier? And he's like, no. Yeah, so you can at least change your fucking hat, man.

Yeah, he said no, but just then Adam, the fiance, here's an action beat upstairs. So he has to go check it out By himself. Yes, right. No exactly. Only wait guys. Well, let's let's check out this creepy sounds one at a time So then we end up with this amazing fucking fight scene where everything's too close But they're trying to like like this guy like clearly you can see what he was going for in the fight scene where everything's too close, but they're trying to like, like this guy, like clearly you can see what he was going for in the fight scene is like, oh, we have to use the bed. And it's like, all right, now you just have us jump up on the bed and jump back down, man, why? But there's so much of that in this fight scene. This will be the first, but not the last arm bar we see in the film. A lot of arm bars in this movie. Yes. They all went to one day of MMA class

learned the arm bar and they're like, we're using that in a fucking movie. All of it. That's amazing. That's such a good move. That is the extent of karate in the world. They started learning MMA alphabetically. Yeah. Yes. Learned the arm bar. Got directions, never went back. Wasted that 10 class pass. They're why I've got them for Christmas. So also there's this amazing moment where like I guess they figure they got to have Adam do something clever. So he uses a an aerosol can to like torch the guy that is attacking him, but he lights it off of the guy's gun, right?

So he has to wait for this guy to shoot at him before he's plan works. You know how guns bullets leave a trail of fire in their path. I don't know maybe that would work maybe it wouldn't but I feel like if my plan is okay when he shoots me in the face I sure will get him. It's not a good plan. Yeah, cheese. I've been burned. A little bit of my eyebrows, Mr. Ferrari. He's dead. I'm going to look silly. Yeah.

And then, okay, so the attacker, like he gets the gun away from the guy, the attacker cuts his leg and then just then the guy attack, I swear I am not making up this resolution. The guy that was attacking Adam slips on something on the floor, falls, hits his head and dies. So again, just to be clear, we are two for two in fights where a gun is involved in this movie and two for two times guns are absolutely useless. Well, except that the guy got his eyebrows cinched because of one. Yeah, right. The guy with the gun was at a disadvantage

because the other guy had an aerosol camera. Okay. Who was this guy that died in this game? Nobody. Nobody that had not introduced this character at all. Okay. I'm so confused. I have no idea at any moment what's happening in this movie.

So if he's supposed to be the original looters when he got out, wouldn't he be like, Hey, is Robbie downstairs? I'm friends with him or whatever the fuck. Yeah, right. All right. So the gang regroups downstairs to reflect on that action beat. And I should point out that this is the part of the movie where I realized that I absolutely loved the lady sitting three seats to my right.

Her husband had made her come to this movie. She was not happy about it. And she started getting vocal right around now. Because this is the point where like, Robbie and, and, uh, straw hat and Adam are like, well, let us at least give you some food. And so he's like, I don't want your food.

If you had to kill children for it and the old lady next to me goes, that's dumb. That's fantastic. Audience, if you are picturing Noah Norman Batesing himself as an old lady while watching this movie, I want you to know so am I. Yeah. And so yeah, Adam tries to reconcile with Sophie and he's like, Hey, you know, last time I saw you, you were running out into the woods and I was risking my life in limb to not tell anybody where you went. She's like, but you killed a kid.

I can't get over that. Something about me and dead kids. I was just, that's my line. That's my thing. Yeah. We're going back in the woods just outside from this house. Yeah. A little bit.

We're going back and then, and then then Adams like, come on, we're in a pretty sweet apocalypse gang. If you change your mind, no, right. But unfortunately, Adams been injured. So he can't go off with the apocalypse gang. He has to stay back with them. They're going to nurse him back to health, but then he has to go because she's still mad about the kid murder. Yeah. And then they go out and bury dad, very good dad burying scene. The only thing I want to talk about with this scene is that as they open as well,

they find his self-defense insurance card. Oh, God. Yeah. Was I believe there was a concealed carry permit perhaps too? Yep. I think those might be the same thing, yeah. Yeah, they showed that at a funeral by accident in their movie, that's pro guns. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pull out the tasteful nudes of mom

and the tasteful news of Jerry Falwell, Jr's wife. Yeah. Right. And then they start singing, which was fun. I laughed a little bit and gotten trouble a little bit, but not too bad. Okay, all right. Yeah, so there's one middle daughter, we haven't mentioned her because she absolutely doesn't matter to the movie in any way. And the actress seems pissed about it

about how little of a function she serves. I also think I'm not sure because they never let her do anything, but I think she might be the most talented actor in the crew. And they like wouldn't let her act so that like she wouldn't make Sophie and Jimmy feel jealous. I don't know. But yeah, she also is quite the singing voice. So she sings a little futile reary song. I really wanted a gang of warlords to walk up and just be like, yeah, we heard you singing. So

give us all your stuff. Right. Now hiding. Fuck forgot. You guys should really go like 20 feet into the woods because we can like hear and see you and then you're not hitting it all right. Yeah. So anyway, so now they've got their antibiotics and their guns. They go back to the woods. We have a couple of scenes there. There's a great moment where Pankajimi is spear hunting deer. You're hunting deer. Weird up moment for the movie. He jumped. It's the silliest thing ever.

He like silently stalks up onto the top of like a crag and he sees the deer and we watch the deer slowly walk. And then he just jumps down like 40 feet. That's it. We must assume like through the face, right through the face. And I got in big trouble for I laughed way too much at this point. And I got. I laughed at this point. Yeah, me too, me too. I got this was the first for me. I mean, what really got me is that he did everything exactly in the same mannerisms and idioms as binky does when he attacks my feet under the blankets. Right. He's talking exactly to the exact slow motion jumping everything.

Yeah. I wanted so badly for us because it does the like jump and cut away thing. I wanted it for it to cut away. It cuts back. He's crumpled on the ground next to the deer and the deer is just looking and like, whoa, both of the arrows are broken. I'm a deer. Start eating him. The deer just takes his sword and walks away. Oh, this is going to hurt him.

This is an investment for our family. Anna. Don't touch my sword. Nobody's gone. Oh, I took my sword. So, fuck you, man. So now, you need a minute. Eli was so excited. Eli is just beaming. I was so happy.

Eli is just beaming, beaming with habitat. I'm so happy. I was sticky on my desktop now when I record that just says pums. All right. So then we cut to that wall feasting on the spear hunted deer. And this is amazing too, because like none of them are covered in blood. Right? Like I mean, there's another step after this between killing and eating,

but okay, fine. Oh, blood covered faith walks out. That's fine. I'm gonna go take a river soak. Just go in the shower in our house. It's now in the woods now. And by the way, at this point too, the old lady next to me goes, who's cutting their hair? I brought my sword for this. But a deer took it and my ankles are broken. I don't know. We're going to have to deal with the hair. All right.

So Adam and Sophie settle in to have the same goddamn conversation they had in the previous scene and the one before that about how she can't forgive them for all this kid murdering and stuff. Okay, to be fair in Sophie's defense, it was a month. Yeah, like you how fast did you devolve into looting and murdering if we found you post looting and murdering after him. You made it a week. You got a little hungry.

We went to fucking TGI Fridays and they were out of sizzling skillets and he was like, yeah, let's go fucking kill some. But yeah, but she turns out this is the day that would have been their wedding day and she gives him back his ring because fuck him and his kid murdery shit. Yeah, quick note to this actor crying and sneezing, not the same thing. Not the same. Which did I do? All right.

So then we get. Yes. So then we get this amazing scene and it's amazing. You have to think this one through, right? This is the scene where Jimmy is teaching Eli how to shoot a gun. Remember when we first met them, Eli was school and Jimmy at chess, but now it's fucking Jimmy who knows something that Eli needs to know, fuck smart kids. That is so the inspiration of this scene, right?

Absolutely. This is an absolute, fuck that little point, extra moment. Yep, someone got beat by their nine-year-old nephew in chess and then was like, you wanna come to the gun rage and the kid was like, no, and it was like, yes, because you don't fucking know how to do it.

Statistically, no, I'm way more likely to kill your aunt with this than I am a bad guy. Did your friend Chris Kyle died there recently. Those, those different, it's because it was different. They don't just had, yeah, they should ban Muslims. Oh, okay. Was it a Muslim? We shot him.

No, okay. So I have to say, like, I was realizing at this point too, like, and I should, I kind of knew this going, but like every single moment in this movie is just another scene of like, yeah, but what if I had been right that time when I said that though, right? Yep, absolutely. This movie is 30 to 50 Farrell hogs the film, right? 30 to 50 Farrell deer. Yeah.

Oh, I love to. They have the shoot for center mass discussion here. Yep. Oh, I love you. They have the shoot for center mass discussion here. Yep. Oh, God. They actually, they're like, let's get into the philosophy of like, you know, leg shooting, like the president suggested to get rid of the Mexicans coming across or do we shoot center mass? What's the right thing to do? And they were like, it doesn't matter as long as you kill them. I don't know. Right? You just got to kill them. Yeah. And also, by the way, so as they're having their little target practice moment, the old lady next to me goes, are they just going to waste bullets like that?

Did you ask for her contact information? I feel like you guessed on this. At the very least, I should have given her my cards. Like, you're going to want to check out my podcast on this. You are heavily featured in the next episode. You got a starring role. You're in it more than Kevin Sorbus in the next episode. You got a starring role. You're in it more than Kevin Sorbos in this fucking movie. This is actually when the couple next to me started talking and the guy who's a husband

and a wife, the guy started naming the exact specs of every gun to his wife. And this is like the first one I heard where he was like, that's the P22 9x G fuck you. Every time that was your response, shut the fuck up. Nobody cares. Shut up, Tom. So yes, so there's sitting around the fire some more, they're discussing what, what the most beautiful sound in the world is, I apparently 40 days in or so, the lack of food or potable water is becoming a problem, right? Yeah. And the nominations, by the way, if you're wondering for most beautiful sound in the world are microwave popcorn.

Yep. And amazing grace for part harmony. Yeah, and don't forget that this conversation also all began when Jimmy referred to the sound of a cocking a gun as the most beautiful sound in the world. So yeah, I don't know what the most beautiful sound is, but they really fucked it up. Right? I know they're nowhere close. We've eliminated three answers.

Also in terms of them running out of food here, they're describing it like, all right, well, our acre of woods is running out of animal life. Like animals just are staying on their acre or not. They're in a different acre that we would need to find and we can't. Do that, do they think woods work? It's amazing how many things they get wrong in this movie, not knowing how nature works. That sounds about right, Part for the course. Yeah.

Wanted to see a meeting of all the animals. They're like, all right, guys, they've been spear hunting us over there. We're just staying clear of the schmenders and properties. They stay on the Smiths. That's great. Yeah. They're not hiding in the woods because they're smart and they're in their house. Yeah.

All right. So then we cut the late that night. There's a bad guy sneaking around their camp and stealing their stuff. Now we don't say we would just see feet in a gun barrel so we don't know who it is, but someone is sneaking around camp stealing their shit. Yeah. So they wake up and they freak out. The bag is missing and so is Adam. So they bug out. So they bug out. I guess that's what that bag. I don't know. You don't need to make sure you bug out bag from your tent. You're living in in the what what are you bugging out to? Yeah, right?

Underwater host bug out. Yes. All right. There's now there's an antifa gang taken over this woods. Let's run to a city. We'll run to a city. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that squirrel thinks it's a witch. Let's go. Let's go. No, it ends Antifa. So, all right. So soapy storms off to find out if Jimmy's got the bug out bags. Apparently he's very easy to sneak up on guard duty. And then there's just like, oh, never mind. There's Adam kind of a moment. And really the best thing about this scene is that the scene ends. There's a pause while they wait for the camera to cut and Adam, like he got in a fight

with the writers of the movie is like, oh, and by the way, I forgive you for accusing me of taking the bags, you bet. I didn't. Yeah. Because that makes no sense. She's like, did you steal our bug out bag and all our stuff and then come back to the woods without it? Yeah. And he's like, what?

No, what the fuck are you talking about? But we also, there's two more important things that we learned here. First of all, somebody stole Jimmy's MacGuffin. When he went back in earlier, he had grabbed his sword and a big box of MacGuffin. We don't know what's in the box yet, but they stole the box. And number two, the baddies know where they are. So they'll have to leave now, even though the guy obviously

could have just killed them or did whatever he wanted when he stole the bag. But they got to go like the trooper cob rice. They see it first, then it shows on the second night. The Santa Fe gang is toying with us. Yeah, exactly. That makes no sense and seen. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, the gang might just have to camp in the neighbors backyard for a spell and have a willow tree. And those things are creepy at night. So we're going to pause on that suspenseful note. But first, let me give a act three, the hard sell here. Can they shoehorn in 23 more faith word play lines in time? Who's mom been double team in this whole time? Just why? Find out the answers to these questions or when we were turned were the hilariously vapid conclusion of the reliance. That's right. The word why is a spoiler sort of.

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Yeah, that does sound better if you describe. I'm sorry, is that real dolphin? Yeah. Oh my gosh, you were too? No way, really? Yeah, real dolphin. Yeah, for the power, the grease. Yep. Powerful dolphin. Really? Yeah! Real Dolls! Yeah, for the power. Right. The grease.

Yep. Powerful Dolls. How can you use that thing after what happened to your daughter? Listen, Ellie. I don't expect you to understand what this weapon... Oh, Jesus! Damn it! Uh, sorry, everyone okay in there?

No, you just shot me in the leg. Not okay. Sorry. I was what I was doing as I was explaining the Seriously, okay, okay, that one was on me. Let me let me take out the bullets. I'm just gonna take the bullets out Ow! Oh Shit did I get you? I got you. Yep. I got you. I'm sorry. You know what never mind that daddy quick the bad guys are here to kill us See see see now. They'll see, see, now, Bill. See why you don't bring a knife to a gun fight. Uh, dad? They have guns too.

Well, fuck. BANG! And you shot me again. Hahahaha! And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the gang on the move in the middle of a theological argument between Sophie and Jimmy. And yet again, they lose this argument so bad in their own movie. So so badly that they need the person arguing the other side to just decide to machine gun shoot a raccoon to get them out of the argument.

Yeah. Literally, a tiny little raccoon appears and he shoots it with an AR-15. Just slices it into 1900 pieces for ridiculous. Okay, so but here's the argument Jimmy's present and he's like, hey, I bet dad would have prevented all of this if he could. Ha, and he's not even omnibenevolent or omniscient, huh? Ha, sis. And then she goes, this is amazing.

I've never heard this one before. She says, don't blame God for the devil's sin. What blame gun safes? What? Yeah. What? What? Guns don't kill people.

The devil killed people. Yeah. Devil shit doesn't count if your guy called omnipotence and then made the devil. Right. And this is where he's like, okay, well, was that the guns fault just now when I shot that raccoon? It's not the guns fault. And she's like, well, I mean, I can't see

you're here now because of that AR 15 gunshot next to my face. So yeah, kind of the guns fault. Also you, you're fault as a person, both you and guns should be banned is one of my friends. And then I said, but in her argue at back is just because he's like, I want cold hard reality and she starts yelling the substance of things on scene line, but actually says it as the cold hard reality of things unseen. She could not make it through that bullshit plebiasm without being like the cold hard reality. I think I'm going to call Noah when he's on the atheist experience and get him. I'm going to tell you. He's like, I have to tell you, you just can't see it. It's in here. You're not allowed to look. Is that a word, by the way, plebiasm? If

it's not, I'm going to use either way. I'm using. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's in the oligism, all of Eli's own, but I like it. Just like Shakespeare. Yep. Eli and Shakespeare, both of us wrote the same number of Shakespeare's plays. I'm also, also, there's a thing because so because he's like, you know, why would a loving God do all of this and Sophie's answer? Of course, because she's because he's like, you know, why would a loving God do all of this? And so if he's answer, of course, is because she's a fucking Christian is, you know, look, dad and Becca, the dead sister, dad and Becca deserve to die because the lady ate an apple. We're just lucky God didn't kill us too. Yeah, her actual like, fight ending line is the question isn't why you're dead and our sister dead. The question is, why are're dead and our sister dead.

The question is why are we sinners still alive? Yeah, and the whole cast looks in including the girl who just delivered the line looks at themselves in horror like, oh, we have other lines, right? We are losing this argument to ourselves. I don't know what's happening. I'm yelling. I'm yelling now. I've been carving the word Y into a tree throughout this conversation. Again, I wanted the warlord gang to walk up and be like, you guys are yelling super loud. Like it's, it's just like a very small area of what you have. Two pieces of stuff again. One, give us all your stuff. Two, you're not going to win these kinds of fights. One, give us all your stuff, too.

You're not going to win these kinds of fights. This is about what you're not talking about. Can I give you the feedback? All right. So Sophie huffs off after losing this argument to check on Adam's bandages. And they have a conversation about how they sure wish things had worked out a little less apocalypticly. And they have like a happy moment here.

He's like, oh, come on, we're, we're having fun, right? Out in the woods and gunshot moons and knives and we're hungry. And she's like, okay, yeah, we are. It is pretty cool. It's kind of cool, right? Yeah. Well, my dad spent his entire life jerking off to,

so sure why not? Super fun. You want to do a flashback together? Yes. Or how about a flash sideways to an alternate dimension, right? Because this isn't that what it was. I didn't understand this didn't happen. Right.

Couldn't have. Okay. Yeah. I'm not crazy. All right. I was sure again, I was like, Oh, they set this up in another movie that I didn't know. No. So, yeah, so we Vaseline Lens are way into her imagination to what their wedding might

have been like. And this is the time I got in the most trouble for laughing, right? Me too. I got the music. Yes, yes, when the girls start singing. Oh my God. It's so good. So yeah, they flash sideways to this wedding that didn't happen.

And we're hearing the music of like, you know, what might be happening at a wedding. And then they pan over and there's actually a woman singing the music. So it's that like, you know, diagetic, non-diagetic music. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's diagetic. And I laughed way too much and nobody had any idea why and I got trouble. Yeah, except that's the thing is I don't think they were using this as a comedy moment, but they managed it. This is hilarious. Also, and I already mentioned this a little bit, but I have to point it out here. This entire shot is done in front of a green screen and not well, which means that this Christian movie could not afford to shoot in science.

Sure. Couldn't get a church. Sorry, wedding season two busy. So yeah, so they go they have their little wedding Vision or whatever for a minute, but that's all gay is fucking my right. Let's go back to gun shooting Back to that. Sorry real quick about the wedding need to cover it when they say I do the preacher says Well, we all know what's next. You can shake your brides hand Yep, I'm just kidding Do you think they're laughing and the movie theaters? As they watch this?

Hi, mom, I'm in the movie. Now today, who's drinking tonight? But yeah, they get interrupted by gunshots that invade their fantasy. I yeah, who the fuck? She wakes up. She's like, my dude really do got hijacked. Oh, okay, I'm away. Oh, yeah. So bad guys are shooting them.

Uh oh, the bad guys have the drop on Jimmy. So now the other kids have to come to his defense. Would be safe defense? Well, Eli shoots the fuck out of one of them. That's for sure. He does. Yeah, that was a man. He like kills a man.

By the way, the old lady is not buying this scene. She was just going, oh, come on. There's a scene in there where the, the, the brunette girl that serves no function in the movie has to shoot one of the bad guys through the tent. She can't even see him. She's just the other sister is pointing to vaguely where he is. So she shoots like three times the guy dies and the old lady is like, oh, come on. Question. In your guys' version of the movie, because this was in mind, but I feel like it wasn't in yours because you guys saw some notes about it. When Eli shot the bad guy, did

he go over and press his lips against the dying man's lips and breathe in his last breath? Or was that just my first? You just saw that in your head. I'm pretty sure. Okay. I think you have a weird connection to anybody named Eli in real and fake universes. Just saying we all have stuff in common. And of course, so and during this gun fight, like they, they capture the boss, but Adam, the fiance gets shot and he's going to have to drive dramatically. And then the movie blacks out and reopens on itself. Yeah, right. No, like the camera lost consciousness for a second. Truly, truly like blacks out and then they're like, oh, fuck, same place. Yeah.

Yeah. Is this when it comes back in and they got the bars tied to a tree? Would we say tied to a tree next to a tree adjacent to a tree? He is. He is. And there's a fallen terribly tied up there. Right. Like they were doing some kinky bondage shit. Yeah. And he, but he's like sitting there, you know, all like crestfallen because he lost the fight, right? Right. And this is when the guy next to me is like, obviously, just shoot him with that six hour P three 20. And like, here's the time. I'm sure the fuck up. I'm not here. Did you know what gun that was? The old lady and that guy would have gotten a long fine for that scene because she goes, there's a point like where um Jimmy goes I should kill you now and the old lady goes yeah, you should

Her husband's just turns she goes what it would end the movie And I will say I love her at this point the best the whole theater I think had turned against like if I started throwing popcorn everyone would have started have started throwing popcorn. I think at this point, all the Christians were fucking done with it. Well, maybe it wasn't that maybe it was right after the greatest flashback reveal in Christian movie history. Oh, yeah. Now, if you'll recall, okay, so Bos was the bad guy that broke into their camp earlier and stole their bug out bag, but he also took that MacGuffin box from Jimmy. And this is when we learned that the reason Jimmy wanted his MacGuffin box so bad is because

it had a lock of his dead sister's hair in it and he never remembered he had pockets too. Right. Right. So we cut back to the flashback of whatever did happen to little backup. This is so goddamn amazing. And in case you're wondering what happened, they were playing. So again, maybe I blacked out here.

I'm not clear. They were playing Cutty. Chothers hair as little kids. And then he grabbed the gun out of his dad's ankle, poster and shot her in the face. That's why there's it wasn't hair related These scissors are going too slow. I'm gonna shoot It's as far as I can tell that's what they were going for. I have no idea what he was supposed to be doing with the gun

Right, but yes, so dad now keep in mind that Kevin Sorbos Character here is a doctor Right not a cop not a fucking gunfighter or something. No, he's a goddamn doctor. He's passed out on the couch. And he's a doctor slash gunfighter. Yeah, exactly. Well, right, right.

Yeah, on the side, sure. So he's passed out on the couch in his home with five fucking children, the oldest one of them, 10. And he has a gun just in his goddamn ankle holster. The kid gets it and shoots his little sister in the face because of Kevin Sorbo's criminal negligence. Yeah, just a gun like hanging from yarn like a mobile. Nobody grabbed this. Is a Joe camel cut out on the wall, shooting your sister is cool kids. Yeah.

So the brother shoots the sister in the face. That's how she died. That's how dead Rebecca happened. Yeah. And this is right now the guy next to me says to his wife, he leans over to goes, you know, proper safety tactics would prevent the shot the fuck off. But I want to point out as we move into the tiny little funeral scene, this is their movie.

Right? Again, this is a pro second amendment movie. They didn't, they weren't forced by law to include this scene the position of this movie is worth it Yes, right right sometimes you hey you got to kill a little kid now And again if you're gonna defend yourself against imaginary shit that can't happen and then by the way after the little funeral scene They have this moment where like dad turns to little Jimmy goes it it wasn't your fault, Jimmy. And Jimmy doesn't turn back to him, say, no, it was obviously your fault, dad. I'm a fucking kid. You're a grown man. Jesus.

Public school budget at Stoneman Douglas is, there's more money for kid now. This is a lot of. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get straight A's the whole semester. I don't know. You can really fuck up your finger paints this month. What the fuck is wrong with you get straight A's the whole semester. I don't know You can really fuck up your finger paints this month. I just want you All right, so now post flashback. We have a buzz meeting little faith for the first time Now that's the little girl that I guess was named after his dead daughter on the day is daughter of tied something who will fuck knows. Oh, when we released the scathing atheist got off a movie's book of tongue twisters, the

dead daughter who met his dead daughter on the day is daughter died. Definitely making an in dead daughter who met his dead daughter on the day is daughter died. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's like these don't really work well. Yeah, tongue's like, these don't really work well. Yeah, talk to us. I was excited at this point because it seemed like the movie was catching me up. The movie was like, he seems confused.

He's going to do a flashback to the thing he missed. And then Bosworth is like flashback, flashback, flashback. In the part of the movie that he didn't see. Yeah, your dad, Kevin Sorbo shot people and saved my life. And then I was like, all right, well, that didn't help. I will need to be told what the fuck was happening here? What do you guys know? Yeah, again, I don't think this was from anything that you missed. So yeah, you remember when K-sorbs and Adam and Jimmy fought their way out of that parking lot? It's a Walmart. We're an antifa attack them.

Eric Roberts Walmart. We cut back to there. Yes, exactly. And on the way out of that lot, in a part that we didn't see, they saw a bunch of people trying to kill the boss. So Kevin Sorbos, like, I know that guy, he drugged driving, killed his daughter with me once. Let's stop and save him. So they stopped saved Brian Bosworth.

He gets in their car and that's when he realizes, hey, that's that doctor that named his daughter after my dead daughter and realized I was drunk when I came in with her. I'll take revenge against him. That's how we do where to go at the beginning of the month. You saving my life is the perfect opportunity for vengeance. Yes, right. Right. And keep in mind now, he's

telling this story to the kids that are trying to decide whether or not to kill him. Why? Tell them. Also, if you look in my back right pocket, you'll find I was a zip liner. I just applied all the time. Just so you guys, now I just want all the time just so you guys know, I was once you have this information. It's only fair. I want you to take my tactical zip lighting sunglasses. All of garden pasta. And I love this little detail though. So he calls his buddies like, all right, we're attacking this doctor's house. And then they cut to them, like laying down in prone position to shoot rifles at Sorbos family.

And Bos, clearly called this guy and was like, all right, meet me there at Sorbos house, but not right away. I'm going to go back home to my house, change into my camouflage gear. Yes, yes. And then we're going to do. And he's got all his stuff on with the like cargo pockets full of I don't know what just full of stuff. Yeah. Uh, the guy next to Heath is like, you know, that's the 4A 14 tactical jacket from the

fall. Fuck off. Your cargo pockets are stupid. You never use them you look ridiculous having sex with our son These characters you're involving at favorite people Yeah, these movie games tell the people next to us no matter what at the beginning of the movie like you know what You're gonna be involved in some shit. So yeah creative You are you might not realize this is an audition. This is an audition by any chance. Are you fucking your son? Because that would be perfect for a bit. We're going to do you are okay. Okay. All right. So we exit this flashback and everybody stands around going, you know, why would the guy that we were already thinking about killing tell us all of this, this movie makes no sense. And while they're trying to puzzle that out, Adam's like, hey guys,

I'm still dying over here. I haven't had chance to, am I a little swan song? Oh gosh, Adam, I'm sorry. We really got caught up. You okay? No. Oh, I forgive you. He's clearly, he's clearly dying and he's like, can we get reengaged? Can you just take the ring back? She's like, I love spending time with you. I don't even, I don't. All right. You're about to die. She put her hand on him and she says, no one has given a greater love than you have

given me. And like, we know a significant amount of greater loves than the one Adam has given a greater love than you have given me and like we know a significant amount of greater loves than the one Adam has given to like we don't even need to use the couples we know he's love for our bees. For example, because it's never involved murder. Yeah, right. They're having a deathbed wedding. This is so fucking amazing as he's dying.

And she's like, I do and puts her fucking ring on the old lady, bless her fucking heart. Go is. Oh, for Pete saying amazing. Should have given that woman a job. We missed out. I'm just going to hire her to go to all these movies with me. Yeah, just sit next to you. This is when the guy next to me said,

this is the worst comedy ever when Adam died here. And the wife is like, I'm getting up and going to the bathroom. She left for a while. All right, but unfortunately though, while they were busy flashing back and dying and stuff, the boss has escaped. The boss hasn't just escaped. He is like totally undone. All the ropes packed up his stuff, changed his clothes, taken a shower,

like put all the ropes back and and roped him up in the right way and left him there with a note that says like, thanks for the fucking company. Love the boss. The note says smoke bomb. There he is. I see the smoke. Okay. Guys, what are we talking about? Everyone looking in exactly the same location at all times. So yeah, Jimmy's pissed because they let the boss get away.

So he's going to go hunt the boss down. And now the tent is on fire. No fucking idea. Why? Yeah. He walks in the tent and he walks near the fire, but he very much doesn't like knock anything. Oh, no, push anything. He's just like a reminder, there's a fire in this tent. And then the tent's on fire. And I was like, I mean, to be fair, there was a fire in the tent. Yeah. So they try to put out the fire for a while, but not for very long. They give up pretty quick.

They give up so quick millennials. Am I right? Nope. Not even close. See how the T.P. claps straight down. I believe that's pretty big coincidence. Yeah.

Right. Tarps don't burn that hot. All right. Don't say Jews. I said Jews. And then, okay, so we cut to that, like, some people in the woods and we're like, uh-oh, who's stalking them now? And they pan up and it's mom.

I had no idea because we saw her like twice early in the movie. I was like, am I supposed to know who that fucking actor is? Yeah. She's also 21 years old and the daughter's 19. So it's kind of confusing. Yeah. I'm a big, big, confusing. Also, those kids were 100% about to murder suicide when mom walks over, right? Yeah. They have a super awkward like mom and she was like, Hey, what's with all the bayonets and the blindfolds on the youngest ones. Oh, we were playing Christiani murder suicide. Yeah. Yeah. No, because they are playing Christianity. They're like talking about how

sad it is that mom and dad died and the little kids like, I want to go to heaven and be with mom and daddy. And the big sister is like, just a little longer. You can die soon. Yeah. And that's perfect. That's a great solution. What you just described. Great eight year old. Yeah. I'm going to die soon. Yeah. But then mom shows up. They have a happy reunion. And apparently mom's been fucking these twins. Good for mom. Right. Like, so these two guys show up now. And apparently they're the comic fucking relief. But they were told that the entire audience was going to be made up up their six year old niece. These guys are the jokesters of the shooting range where this caskos, let me tell you. Jesus.

And they literally announce, I'm not making this up like exact words. They're like, we are the good guys. Hello. Hello. Have some chocolate. They literally say that too. I'm not making this up. You are the good guys. Yes, we are. What's that behind your ear? A bald eagle. So over the top. They've also got a comic rivalry, but they don't know how either of those things work. So they'll be like, I'm the older handsome, our brother. I'm the younger brother. His wife got caught fucking their son.

Scott Demen! What? You escalate. What did we say? I was one step in the face. All right. And then mom's like, but wait, where's Jimmy?

And so if he's like, oh, fuck, right. No, he already had it out to the climax, like in the last scene. So sorry. Let's go, let's go catch up with him. So we cut to Jimmy charging to a field with his sword, with his sword, he steps on the goddamn bear trap. Stan got in trouble again. And gets the eye laughed here really hard.

Oh, I love the words. And you lay, I believe because after he gets, he hits the bear trap, he puts his belt around his attorney kit. He pulls out his sword to use to like twist and tighten the turn to get. I thought he was going to cut his foot off. I thought he was going to cut his foot off too. I was really excited for him to cut his foot off with that like model sword. He bought a, okay, that didn't even break the skin. Brought the sword, but just 127 hours of him

when trying to saw his leg off with a fake sword. I want to be super clear about bear traps here. They have a release on them. When you're not a bear, you can just hit. That's the great thing about a bear trap is there's that thing right on it where you can release it. But he's just like, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, he's too big for my claw and my foot.

I'm a bear. I wanted a bear to come over and just be like, I got it, dude. I got it. Chill, chill, chill. I'm going to put this on YouTube later. So I'm going to make it on the doda. But he yells out. And again, because they're in like 20 feet of woods, he's just like, hell, we're all really close. I can see all the movie characters help me. You can hear me. You're right there. Yeah, but unfortunately before the good guys can get to him, Robbie Strahat and all

show up to kill and rob him. And of course there's a moment where like Robbie stands up for Jimmy. He's like, hey man, Jimmy's my buddy. So Strahat kills him. Yeah, character that we were very connected to. Straw hat is the best moment because they've got to kill Robbie, because we never met him and he never met us. So he's like, hey man, don't kill him.

He's my friend. And he's like, all right, I won't kill him. Bam! Ha ha! Killed. Ha. Killed you. Get it?

I was better in my head. It was bad. It wasn't bad, guy. Psych. You guys even said something about it and I tricked you. It's me the whole time. I was the villain. Surprise. But and now though, you know, if I can straw hat, me think he's got the upper hand, but

just then Jimmy praise and apologizes to God for all his angry tree carving. Uh-oh, I so wanted Jesus to show up and go on, John Wick on this one. Oh. This whole time I was rooting for a ghost army of like kids that died in mass shootings. Like ever since we saw the little kid at the beginning where Bos saw his like dead child ghost. I was like, oh Lord of the Rings ghost army is going to win this thing at the end. No, never happened sadly. All right. So now they're about to shoot Jimmy. And in the woods, fucking Sophie's got a big ass gun, but she's just got to get over her quabs about murdering people. But just before a straw cat hat can kill Jimmy, she shoots him and straw hat is hit with an arrow.

But who shot the arrow? Their bow was stolen earlier. But this is shot so badly and we watch Sophie's reaction. So it looks like she's, it looks like she's thinking, do, do arrows come out of guns? Yeah. Do arrows come out of guns? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! collectible ninja sword as it's bad. And it's a butterfly knife. And it has a cup holder. Yeah, exactly. All right, so now the bad guy's dad,

mom runs up to Jimmy. She's like, here, drink this. You've lost a lot of blood. We can see his leg. There's no fucking blood. It's all right. Also not how water and replacing blood. Right. Yeah, no, you've lost a lot of blood.

Drink this. It's blood. I'll play. Oh, mom has been in there for a while. Drink the clotted blood, Jimmy. Oh, my goodness. It's mommies. There's a menstrual blood joke.

Everybody owns a drinking, menstrual blood joke. Oh, right. I owe to you. I owe to you. I got off a movie. Stop and make sure that we all, we're visualizing it correctly. Yeah. Let's try to differentiate our brand.

All right, so and then the boss, apparently, is the one that shot straw hat with the bow and arrow and he shows up to turn himself in because he's been redeemed by the blood of the lamb now. He has. Okay, yeah, so he's supposed toemed by the blood of the lamb now. He has. Okay. Yeah. So he's supposed to be a good guy now because he helped the good guys in this last gun

sequence. Yeah. But that means he was stalking his old crew this whole time and he saw the bear trap thing happen and he waited and he was like, no, no, no, there's going to be a more clear redemption opportunity if I wait for a gun fight to break out. thing happen and he waited and he was like, no, no, no, there's going to be a more clear redemption opportunity. Yeah, wait. We're a gunfight to break out. Get a few shots off. Let that happen.

But then win at the last minute with my shot. Yeah, yeah, either that he was stalking Jimmy specifically. He's like, wait, he's going to get in trouble. I'm going to shoot somebody with bow and arrow and routine myself. He's going to hurt himself with that sword somehow. Oh, bear trap. It's going to be better. Oh, and now he's sawing his leg off.

I'm gonna let this go. I'm gonna see how this plays out. I think I'm gonna be the hero here. So, and then of course, now mom has to have the, should I murder this guy or not? Keeping in mind, Brian Bosworth is the guy who killed their, their dad or her husband and ran the kids off and terrorized him for a month or whatever.

But of course, it's a Christian movie. So she asked ultimately decide not to kill him because he says to her, and I quote, I never wanted to take your faith. I just wanted to find mine. Get it? It's a little girl. Same face.

Oh, and it's the ultimate what's in the box scene. It's like just like that. And I wanted to be like, what's in the box? And he's like a lock of your daughter's hair did we do set that up And then of course faith runs up and hugs all the remaining bad guy right out of him Mm-hmm and this is like the movie should end right there But it doesn't it doesn't end for so goddamn long at this point, right? Mm-hmm it does, because they have to baptize the boss.

Oh my fucking. Yeah, okay, come on. You did not see a baptism coming in this room. I certainly didn't think it was going to end on a group fucking hug. No, I did not. A three man group hug. Oh my god. Okay, so the two deputy sidekick comic relief guys or whatever are escorting boss back

to their town where he's going to go on trial for murder. Boss has this little Oscar clip moment where he goes, how could they forgive me for all of that? One of these characters that we don't know who the fuck are goes, you know, he's just how can I ever repay him and the guy goes, you'll never repay him. But someone's already paid it for you. And I took some exaggerant, they don't kick it quick, but they do kick it eventually. Oh, Jesus, that was Jesus. That was. Jesus. Also, little faith has a line here where she goes, he might end up being the best

of us. And I wanted so badly for her brother to be like, well, no, like one of us might commit zero murders. No, he can be better. I could think of other numbers less than that number. Yeah. So murders. And it's time for boss to ask God for forgiveness and have one of the two deputy dudes. Oh, I'm sorry, both of them, the two twin dudes come out and baptize them in the river. The double baptize them. Is that do you get extra? Yeah, a lot of sins. Yeah, you're Christian and Mormon at that point. And if Jimmy also wants to get baptized now, because he believes in Jesus now too. So he runs out and the boss helps baptize him. He does the Mormon half of his baptism.

And then they literally all have a giant group hug. He's the guy that killed your dad. It's fantastic. By the way, when this movie comes out to Amazon next week, I am going to make that three wet dude hug my screen saver right now. It is Vin Diesel sat in a graveyard at the end of fast and the furious sex, but this is this is going to take its place. All right.

When they finish the baptizing and they do the hug, I wanted so badly for somebody to just paddle by on this little creek in a canoe and just be like, guys, there's no apocalypse. Yeah. It's everything's fun. It was one mom, it was one Walmart that one day and now it's, it's all set. We get to hear about the flash mob down at the Walmart. Yeah, a bunch of folks got scared. All right.

Well, for some reason they figure they still needed one more scene after the group hug. So we got one where we get some hilarity from the deputy guys. And I think if I'm not mistaken, this point of this scene was to set up for the sequel. Yep. Well, also for Faith to go, is there hope for our nation, I mean? And then to go, well, our community is one of the few still standing up to tyranny. Yeah. As long as this one little town in rural Ohio is still around, America has changed.

That's what they're saying. President Tim Ryan will take us out of this land. And then, and then after all of that, we panned down to that tree that Jimmy was angrily carving Y into earlier and we closed the movie zooming in on him having carved Y. Because the makers of the movie are like, that's why. What? Should we do a different question word? How? How? Whence.

Alright, well I'll tell you what, after the third ending, the movie actually does cut to credits. So that's going to do it for our review of the Reliant. But that is not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to tease next week's selection. So Eli, tell us. What's on deck. From the makers of the unexpected bar mitzvah. Oh good. Comes the story of a grandpa going back to college

to disprove the big bang. It's Gramps goes to college. It's a big bang. All right, here's how many, too, many of these I've watched. I'm literally thinking how we watched that before because it sounds so fucking bad that it just seems like something I've experienced. All right, so with Gramps goes to college to look forward to, we're going to bring up episode 219 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to all the Patreon supporters

to help make the show go. People need to get yourself among the ranks. You can make perhaps a donation to patreon.com slash God up and thereby earn an access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help it done by the link if I started review on iTunes and I'm showing you the show in the live various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, skating and the authentication data in the skeptic grant available wherever podcasts flip. If you have questions, comments or suggestions you can email Godoppa.com, link of services to the podcast and provide about the offices of the end of the drawer.

Our theme song is written for you in the Breakfast Club flow. this movie ended his presidential campaign that day, sledding to the woods behind his house in Ohio. He's a little impatient to set a little consolation text to Eli what happened to him. He met hundreds of families back there. Noah would go on to meet a listener on his way out to the theater. Hi Steve. Hi. Little Becca's tombstone reads worth it. I did.

Yes. Oh, no, I did both that time. Did you because on Zencaster it's only showing that you did one. I 100% did both. I did. I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did both that time. Did you because on Zencaster it's only showing that you count D.L.I? I did. Yes. Oh, no, I did both that time. Did you because on Zencaster, it's only showing that you did one. I 100% did both that time.

I mean, like back me up, he's look at those Zencaster things. It's very clearly just on five, right? And I also only heard five. Yeah. I years super best friend promise I did. Yeah, because they said cast are probably just cut out right as you were saying for there. Or something, but that's fucking hilarious This count of five is hard. Yeah. All right

If you could Morgan keep statistics on me for how many times we nail that on the first try versus how many times we have to take multiple Thanks, I don't see why we need to batting average on you Yeah, it's like gun violence. I don't think we need to track those statistics. Yeah, right. Exactly. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2019. All rights reserved.