God Awful Movies - 231: Love Waits

Episode Date: January 21, 2020

This week, guest masochist Maggie Mae Fish joins us for an atheist review of “Love Waits”, the story of two people not having sex. Or, actually, all the characters don’t have sex. So it’s basically an abstinence orgy. --- Check out Maggie’s videos about Fireproof, I’m In Love With a Church Girl, and Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas, Or just check out her whole channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChBD4NpITiW2CzIz5GwppDA --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

So he walks her home, they continue this conversation in a different scene. Would we say walk though? Um, they move their butt, they, they locomote somewhere. These alien robots. Doesn't go well. Like, everybody in this movie, they learn to learn to walk run and speak like for this movie like Only kind of though really Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be And right he's welcome back. Thanks Noah. So I just, I'm just going to try to fill a bust to this episode with other stuff. Um, okay, I got it.

You know what's a great game? Uh, super hot for the Oculus Quest. It's actually pretty pretty pretty. Yeah. But we, we actually have to do the movie. We brought a guest in everything. He's we have to do the movie. Let's ask the guest.

Would you rather just talk about the other games? I mean, you watched this movie, right? Like, what's better? Anything else or this movie? I mean, so I did wash it, but like I'm playing Luigi's Mansion 3 and I could have that power. Oh, no. Excellent choice. Oh, I got to bring, see, I have that game.

I got it for Christmas and my wife hasn't let me play it yet because she says she has to play it and beat it or else I'll just come in and go, oh, it's behind the such and such and she's right. I will. So yeah, yeah, back seat playing, you know, exactly. That's it. That's it. All right. And I guess I should probably introduce you at this point. You might have noticed that voice wasn't Eli's. We do have a great, we've stepped up quite a bit from Eli. We're happy to welcome actress writer, video film essayist and special guest, massacres Maggie Mayfish Maggie. Welcome to the show. Oh, thank you guys so much for having me. This was truly just a wonderful

gift that you gave me this film. I, yes, this will be very fun. I'm excited. Okay, that is not the typical reaction. I'm looking forward to the tone going I'm excited. Okay, that is not the typical reaction. I'm looking forward to the tone going downhill from there. Like you're really like way nicer about it right now, but we're gonna have to talk about this whole movie. No, no. All right, so we should explain. This is not your first foray

into the world of Christian cinema, correct? Correct. So on my YouTube channel, I do film essays on films, video essays on films. There we go. That's it. Yeah. And so the last we did a series of three essays on the Christian propaganda universe. Oh, didn't you, you did fireproof, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait, which, which, which are the other two? So we did fireproof. I'm in love with a church girl. That was so good.

Just wonderful. Brilliant. And then we closed it out with Kurt Cameron saving Christmas. So beautiful pics. Wow. Yeah. Kurt Cameron saving Christmas in a lot of ways is what made this show into a thing. Wow.

Right. If you go to, if you go to our Patreon page, you'll still see the poster from that with Eli's face superimposed into Kurt Cameron's body there. The fact that that movie existed, we were like, okay, there has to be the opposite of that movie

in the world somewhere. We like to think of it as Kurt Cameron's body superimposed onto Eli's face. Well, yeah. I like it. Yeah, that's a better way to think about it. All right. So, well, I'll tell you what, we went next fucking level on you. He's tell us what will we be breaking down today?

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Just an advance to Maggie to everybody. Yeah, we watched. If you liked it, you should have put a purity ring on it that absolutely should have been the title. No, it's called love weights. And it's, it's that classic story of a Nebraska on Janu move into the big city of suburban South Dakota and trying to avoid being corrupted, but more specifically, it's, it's a 30 minute list of misogynist talking points and other Christian, terrible, evil propaganda talking points surrounded by 90 minutes of establishing shots.

That's what we watch. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. And by the way, fun fact, this is straight from Donald James Parker's real life. He's the guy he wrote it. He plays the creepy band director in this one. Oh my God.

Oh my God. He's so mean. Oh, he's cute. Yeah, that's mean. He's a me. I have notes on this band director. I was like, that's the meanest band director. And like, he's not nice.

I can't believe this movie is dedicated to him. So wow. Yeah, no, this he has. He just stands back and yells finish him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's the worst. He wrote this movie also. He stars in a bunch of the other ones by Chip Rosetti too. So we've dealt with this guy before. And he's he's from South Dakota in real life. So this is him being like, yep, whenever those fucking rubs from Nebraska move to the bustling metropolis of whatever the fuck. Oh, God. Overwhelmed by all the big city sexuality of sex.

Sex outing. Yeah, exactly. All right. So Maggie, this is our traditional question. Usually goes to Eli. We're going to let you feel that today, and it's a big fucking question this time around. How bad was this movie? Well, before we recorded, I said this and I stand by it. This film reaches David Lynch levels of just like abstract, like horror, there's one scene that just, I think, really encapsulated it.

It was when the main girl runs into the sad sex ed teacher at church, and it's just a faraway shot with two lone, terrible artificial trees to the left and the right, to the white wall, and then those two characters just speaking to each other for about seven minutes. And it's dark. It's dark. It's so dark.

It's so dark. This is like Christianity noir. It's rough. Yeah. Yes. It almost felt purposeful. How it shills into the bone, it really does. Yeah, it almost felt purposeful how it chills you to the bone. It really does. So yeah, everything that Chipper O'Zeni does always serves so close to the point of self-parity

that you have to wonder, but it's not just sincere enough. Yeah, he's trying to make movies every time he's trying really hard. He made a movie that you could have called friends. Don't let friends be Jewish. Oh, well, yeah, they have to become completed Jews, which means Christian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we guys want to just do that. That would be better than this. We just redo that one. All right. So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Uh, yeah. I got a couple. I'm going to go with best worst scene breaks, first of all, about half the scenes of this movie. Two characters show up and say like one sentence each and then they're like All right, well, that's all I had for this room I think about some more sentences We'll reconvene tomorrow for this exact same conversation, but like in the kitchen or something. I don't know

I'm tired. I look there right? Break it up. Yep. All right. So Maggie, do you have a best worst? Yeah, I think that I would say best worst side characters who are saying lines because clearly some other actors didn't show up. There are 30s group scenes where a side character will say one opinion and then a couple lines later he will say the opposite opinion.

Yes, just someone else. Yes, that's it. So clearly that was someone else's line and that actor didn't show up to the readers like, oh well, you can say this one too. And so their character all their characters looks psychotic just like just one aiding on all their opinions. And that happens multiple times. So. Oh, they get that with location at one point.

It was the most amazing thing. There was a there's a point in this movie. I'll point it out. We get to it where the actors couldn't decide whose house this was between two characters. So they're all playing it as though it's a different person. So I loved it so much. Oh my God. All right.

So I was going to go with best worse choice of central thing. So okay. This is a movie about abstinence. And I guess Chippers Eddie gets all the, you know, halfway to he's done casting. He's not the first to shoot. He realizes that you can't really show people not having sex, right? That's not a thing that you can video. So he's like, oh, we got to make this about something. And they choose flute. Despite the fact that not a single actor involved in this movie can play the flute.

Why could you get a flute plant like? Well, they thought these were such good actors that they had. Well, that's the thing. It's not like you need someone who could play flute and act to make it into a Chipperosetti movie and it didn't have to be fucking flute, which means Chipperos Eddie stood up in front of this cast and said, can any of you do anything at all? And the only answer he got was that girl going like, well, I had a flute lesson once, right? I know you hold it to the right instead of to the left. That's absolutely what he did. There's no excuse for that. I know you hold it to the right instead of to the left. That's absolutely what he did. There's no excuse for that.

All right. Well, anyway, there's a chipper. Is that he flick on the other side of this break? So we're going to keep it brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the inexplicable choices that are love weights. Hey, Mr. Parker, um, I have a wife that wants to have sex with me. Look, I get it.

I'm an attractive guy. Uh, you know, no, no, you actually, you look kind of like a, I don't know, like a post menopausal olive oil type on chemo. It's great. And that's your wife's type. I get it. But I'm a Christian, which is why I have to turn down all the women who throw themselves at me every day by asking suggestive things like super salad or saying, we don't allow

binoculars in the year. No, Mr. Parker. Mr. Parker, that's not remotely what I'm here to see you about. Oh, your mom wants to have no, no, what? Your sister. No no sister in law no okay I'm here about the script for love weights oh right pretty good huh that one no not at all it is all of it like on purpose I'm what do you mean okay well this scene here where we watch the girl do the dishes between sending and receiving an email. You're not a writer, I see. We'll see. We have to establish the passage of time. Otherwise, it won't make sense later when people talk about yesterday

and tomorrow, it's a writer's time is just. Okay, well, what about this one? The scene where we watch two characters walk into a house and they realize they need something from a different house. And then they immediately leave that first house and we do a separate scene. Right. Yeah, well, we have to establish that there are multiple houses. That there are multiple houses in the world. In this world, it's a work of fiction. You have to.

Yeah, I can tell by how many people want to have sex with you in it. What? No, I think just go ahead. So are we done then? I guess so. Yeah. Good. Now, are you sure your mom doesn't want to have sex with me?

Well, I mean, I've been like, asked her, but- That's what I thought. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start this one off with a dedication to Chip Rosetti's band director, I guess, which was sweet. Yeah, I liked that. My first note was like, oh, dedicated to band director of high school. And they specifically mentioned we lost every football game, but we had way better music than the other

team every time. And I was like, this is a great start. This is the story of my high school band nerd career. Great. Right on. All downhill from there. Right. I was also charmed until we saw the band director character later on and I was like, oh, wait, so you think this was a good director? Well, all right, okay. Oh, you'd be amazed the number of things that that man thinks about himself. This is again the third movie we've watched that he wrote. So yeah, all right. So yeah. So and my first note by the way is the music just started like it was mad at me. Uh, my music now, okay, that's weird because I know we've heard the same thing and I heard

over the pants love song. So that's great. All right. So we get the credits, we get the opening song and we meet a group of high school girls that are basically just standing around picking on the one girl who's a virgin for being a virgin. Yes, which does not happen in real life, which I watched it with my partner. I told them several times me, you know, being having been a girl in high school. Nobody does that. Well, one who has ever done that.

Obviously, you've never been to the big cities of South Dakota. I mean, uh, Riddle me surprised, you know, like, okay, I haven't. But yeah, the way that women talk to each other in this movie is very dystopian. It's like he's going out of his way to make sure they never pass the backtell test. Yes. It's so, yeah, basically all of these girls line up around Sherry. That's going to be our main character and go virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin. As you run away in shame, or no, I'm sorry, wait, they tell her that they've got a guy all

lined up for her to have sex with so she can shed that nasty virginity of hers. Yeah. with so she can shed that nasty virginity of hers. Yeah, this is the thing that never happens to boys in high school from my experience. I've never been chosen to be the virginity take note, never, never, never, never, ever. It took a long time. A lot of failed efforts. Yeah, I tried so hard to lose my virginity in high school. And there was zero takers. So I immediately do not relate to anything that this is the last offer. Absolutely. Again,

I didn't go to I didn't go to high school in South Dakota either. So it's a whole different world. Yeah, right, right. Well, and you know what, I'm so old. We didn't have email back in my day. That's why I was I was never in a situation like this. Yeah. The email is going to be an important part of this plot in a second. Weirdly enough. Because that's how the kids get in touch these days. You see, you, my space, me. What?

Yeah. It was my space. All right. So, but as Heath is already alluded to, we're going to continue this conversation, but in a different scene, right? It's the same dynamics, except for now, they're making fun of her for being a virgin in a different place as she's coming out of class or something. And then this is where we meet Becky.

The chick is just dying to punch Judy, the bully girl in the face, the entire movie. Yeah, which is weird because they are equally mean to each other. Like I titled her slutty girl, but I really love Judy. She's my favorite character. I really remember the whole thing. She's awesome. Judy's awesome. She wins at the end too and it's fan fucking task together.

Yeah, it's great. But also the so like the funky girl, yeah, it wants to punch Judy in the face. She's just as mean to Judy as Judy as to her. Like they are both bullies in the situation throughout the whole movie. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I would have had those. Well, it's because they're not Christian. That's true. Yeah. Right. No, you're right. That's right. That's right. They do become Christian eventually. And that all stops. I couldn't take notes on there. Like characters or personalities or anything. All I have is, wow, the undampened concrete echo of this goddamn audio

So it's great doesn't it? Like like listen like honestly you expect better of this podcast and you should. Absolutely also can we talk really quick about the Speaking ability I'm gonna say human beings, but I'm not sure. These people quote people, they talk like alien robots with bad AI. It's like, it's like they're reading a ransom note with the cut out magazine. It sounds crazy. I had my notes. If you told me these were all French people reading English phonetically, I would not ask you to prove that, right? If that was part of the IMDB trivia, I'd go like, oh, right, okay. All right, I get it now because people who speak English wouldn't

be a part of this goddamn script. I get it. All right. And one other question on this. Did I hear this correctly? Did one of them use the phrase, I'd love, I think it was Becky. Becky, it was Becky. She's mad at Judy for being too sex positive or whatever, and she says, I'd love to stay and be the raspberry seed in your tooth,

but I'm not gonna, is that a saying? Does people say that? South Dakota thing. I don't know, I wrote that down too because I was like, well, you know, having eaten raspberries, it does suck when one's in your tooth, but never in my life have I heard a person say that out loud soon. That's a big metaphor to bring to the table. I feel like maybe troopers that he was having like a serious raspberry issue while that explains it exactly right.

They're sitting there writing that and Donald James partner James Donald Parker, whatever his name is had a raspberry seeded his tooth in that moment. He's like, what's an annoying thing? Oh my god. Do you hear that noise? You can make him. We've been writing for hours together. You can do that.

Just get a floss. Get a toothpick. Jesus. Or do you think he's Shakespeare, you know, making up phrases on the fly? That was definitely a thick and pop culture. You know what? I think you're probably right given what we know of the man. Yes.

Yes, he thinks he's fucking Shakespeare. Yeah. They've written about the same number of works. Yeah. Damn, so now it's time to meet her dad, right? Who we meet yelling at her for not having his supper ready when he gets home from work. Oh, yeah. I wrote down a dad is absolutely abusive, definitely verbally abusive. Yeah. But then later, so after the main girl, you know, becomes Christian, she cooks him dinner

and I was like, wow, wow. Gross. That's the less, you know, she's a good Christian show. Now she cooks her father who is verbally abusive dinner. Of course, we have to, he has to be a mean dad so that when he becomes Christian later, he can be a nice dad. Like, only by hair though. Yeah, even this Christian actress was like, no, this is ridiculous.

Like I'm 14, what the fuck is happening? Yeah. And okay, so she runs off from me and dad and she hugs her pillow and just so, you know, that we can suddenly introduce this fact. She looks directly at the camera and says, Oh, dead mom, why did you have to die of cancer? Oh, it's also, uh, it is a, uh, it's a pillow pet, not just a regular pillow. Oh, okay.

Reel. You and a corn pillow pet, yes. Uh, which is, uh, that is a toy for children. The fact that I missed that. I don't know. Yeah. That's perfect. Something that doesn't exist on it. Perfect for this movie. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So now we are going to meet. I would call this almost a star of the movie, which is the engine

for the school bus. Oh my God. Right. We hear more of that goddamn engine than we hear of any of the characters in the film. So every time we have to have a scene where Duke, the male lead and Sherry, the female lead chat, they always do so on a school bus, which we always open with an establishing shot of a school bus and a director slash editor that doesn't realize you could use different audio than the audio that was on the fucking microphone on the side of the camera when you film that fucking

school bus. Like we were going to be confused if they just started talking like what the fuck are these benches are they in a large truck that move in children somewhere what is happening? There are several like there they have a whole scene where you watch every single person exit the bus. You see about five people slowly walk out of the bus and then walk on to the, and then like the, and then the finally the lead, because now it's like what? Why in the world that we need to see this? Why? We spent like two minutes watching them all walk out of the bus going, what's going on? What?

We've got way what's happening. So cut or we just, so, you know this? Oh, so as, and, and everywhere I should say, because this is their little meat cue, right? This is where Duke and Sherry first meet and he's like, Hey, it's this seat taken and she's like, it's very clearly empty. No. And all of the kids that are behind him on the bus are trying so goddamn hard not to look at the camera.

One fails miserably. The little girl right behind them fails miserably. Everybody else does a pretty good job of looking immediately to the left, um, man. She gets caught like a deer to like a tractor beam deer. Just like, I looked right at it. I'm stuck forever. Yeah. Am I saying this out loud in the movie? Yep. I can't look away. We'll just use the bus noise over it. And then, okay, and then we have I would say a scene in any sane movie, but no a series of scenes in three different locations in this fucking one where fucky girl Judy, the bully that was making fun of her for being

a virgin earlier, is setting her up with dukes email. Because again, that's how the kids get in touch these days is through the email. Yeah, so she's supposed to just email him out of nowhere, be like, I have your email, let's have some sex. And that's what happens. But does she choose us to do it with an anonymous email? Which made no sense to me. She also like says her plan out loud.

She's like, okay, well, I guess I just got to email him with an anonymous email and it's like, whoo! Where are you talking to? You're by yourself. I just called myself that I'm by myself. This is a weird conversation happening today. I'm third person second, first, I'm doing a lot of things.

I'm sorry. So first. I'm doing a lot today. So, yeah. So she emails too. Cause she's like, hi, I am a random teenage girl that wants to have sex with you on the internet. And is a random teenage girl that wants to have sex with them on the internet? Like this movie has God in it. That's the least realistic part of the film right there. I'm just going to in it. That's the least realistic part of the film right there. I'm just going to say it. So, but he emails her back not before we cut to another goddamn scene of her

doing the dishes, because we have to know time has gone by, right? Right. She's like, Lulu, Lulu doing this stuff. Yes. My favorite stuff. Why don't I cut from my scene to my next scene, talk to myself more. Cut. First, let me clump through the goddamn house as though it was just lined with microphones I had to step on along the goddamn way. I think this is also the seawater. There's a long shot of watching her walk from the scene to the way. So no reason. So there won't know how she got back to the room she was in in the

last fucking scene. They should have just had her like hold a ball of string for the whole movie and just watch it out. The visual grammar of this movie is for Toddlers. It is. And and then we should, okay, so then we she gets this email from this kid where he schedules the sex having right and one little detail on this. We see her computer screen for a second when she's sending the email. And it's clearly Chippras Eddie's computer or Diane James Bargess computer. And I love that there's an ad for some kind of terrible online business degree. Oh no. What a sad little story. It was in the sad. So dark. That's what we're talking about.

Like the David Lenshield layers that this piece has to offer. Oh, if I could just watch James Donald Parker being like with like some sad dark song in the background. There's one light bulb over his head. He's in his house. University of Phoenix. I need an MBA. My movie.

The thing is not doing it. All right. So wait, no, it's the next day. Um, Judy has showed up to talk with Sherry about penises in Vaginas as they do. Mm hmm. And she, so this is where they start shitting on birth control, right? This movie is a series of terrible, terrible messages. This is, I think our first, where she says, hey, have you stopped by the school nurse and given a gotten a condom? And she goes, the school nurse gives out free condoms.

Why if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be so tempted to be sexually active. Yep. Beep, boop, boop, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, Friends, we're from France. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this whole scene is just this like super sad ignorant political cartoon. Like and their characters in a political cartoon that moves a little bit. And Judy's like, well, actually, yeah, the nurse gives out condoms now. Thanks Obama.

And Sherry's like, well, shouldn't the teacher, you know, teach us that sex is terrifying and wrong. Thanks Betsy DeVos. Like it's so transparent and direct. It's so bad. Then Becky comes by runs Judy off Becky the, um, the virgin positive girl, I guess I don't know how you want to describe her. And she's like, Sherry, I don't know how to tell you this.

And then she just pauses a really long time because it's clear that she forgot her line and really doesn't know how to tell her this. It was a great little metamoment. I just, I end up with it. I think they used to phrase eat a rock here too. This is another one of those raspberry and teeth things. Yeah. Very fusing. What's the thing you wouldn't want to eat, rock? Good, you're good to spend. Oh, we're done brainstorming, we're settled on rock. Yeah, we settled on rock, it's going in. Cut for it. We're on it down.

Oh, you're on it down. Right, same pen. It's using pen. Okay. All right. It was so. Do you want to learn to cut and paste on this thing? I thought not.

I got a virus from phoenix.com. It's actually.edu. I didn't realize. So all right. Now we're, we're back on the bus. We have to have that scene where Duke chats with Sherry about how much he now regrets having made fuck plants with some anonymous girl on the internet instead of pursuing a meaningful relationship with her.

Yeah, well, if you're going to introduce the scene, first you should say, otherwise how well people know this takes place on a bus. It's on a bus, everybody. That's true. Yeah, this is a part where I, so I my brain was having it was like pushing through sludge to try to keep up with the plot quote unquote because I on first glance did not realize that he is Both the guy that she is emailing and her like current crush Which is odd because he's about to be like our star Christian good boy

But he was the fuck guy who was like willing to fuck any girl. Just a brand new chick from the internet. Right, right. Right. So like, what the? Oh, yeah, who's the fuck knows? Oh, well, he hasn't rejected his atheist mother yet. I feel like that's his story, right?

Right. Oh, I think you're right. Okay, that's correct. That's story. Right? Right. Oh, I think you're right. Okay. He's got a Christian dad and an atheist mom we find out about. Right. And he doesn't like, you know, get the mom arrested for being atheist or whatever he does the end.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly spoilers. All right. So then, okay. Yeah.

So it's time for Sherry to get off of the bus and go walk up to her, her booty call. But he doesn't, like Chip Rosetti doesn't really trust his audience to understand that she had to walk a considerable distance unless we watch her walk a considerable distance. Oh, again, the string would have been so good here. I need another one cut. She's got different sizes of school each time. So yeah, she eventually shows up at Duke's house and she's like, hi, I'm the anonymous chick that came to fuck you.

And he's like, really? We're pulling the trigger on that right now. Then why even have it in the movie? Why would we do the anonymous thing if we were going to just undercut it immediately after? Right. I think that is also what confused me because I was like, wait, but she just so what was the point? I don't know. I got. Yeah. What they do is they have a conversation here being like this movie doesn't make sense.

Does it? They do. They do. We should change the plot now. Because it's early. And so. So let's start having sex now. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. They have this very transactional show. We now have the sex discussion. And they're like, so how does sex start?

And she's like, I think you hugged me and I cry. And he's like, oh, this is not. God. I don't know what you saw, but. This was so upsetting. Oh, God. First thing that happens, they hug and she's literally weeping almost right away. And I was like, well, I'm walking out.

Damn, it's not a theater. I have to walk out of my room into a different part of my apartment for a spiky. Yeah. Oh, man. Like the level to which, what's his name, Chris, Chris the guy wrote chip, chip. Yeah, the level to which chip thinks that young teenage girls are like starved for any sort of like touch or affection or attention is just like, it's creepy because I don't think he realizes that women give that to each other.

That is why like women form strong like friendships with each other in high school because we're that we aren't starved for that really, but this woman just starts weeping at like the lightest touch from, from this like flute player, dude. Well, I think it's because Chipperos and he knows his audience and if he has two girls hug, they'll be like, I would not sell them a cake. You know, so he's going to be a does family review telling everybody not to watch this movie at that. Yeah, exactly.

That's true. That's true. Homosexual hug. Yeah. I bet there honestly is, though, a dump. I didn't check, but I bet there honestly is though a dub. I didn't check but I bet there is a dub warning. Yeah. It's about the it's about the left the shortness of everybody's shorts, right? Oh, yes. That's literally part of it. Yep. Yep. I couldn't well. I'm like, there's the Christians don't like that. They get you can see that girl's knees.

Okay. So then there's a moment which once again, how is this not self-aware, right? The kid, Duke, is like, well, I can't have sex with you in this meaningless fling because I have feelings for you and we're not gonna have sex now. And he says to her, and I quote, this is harder than a solo. Okay. Now she goes, wait, you sing and you think, Tee, that's what she thinks. He means

by a solo in this, but no, he meant playing the flute in a solo. They were not going for a masturbation reference. I was amazed. No, but he does this. I mean, horribly upsetting scene for a number of reasons. There was one moment that I enjoyed. It was this actor who plays Duke trying to say the word floutist. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm saying like a dozen more times in this movie.

He as close, this is as close as he gets. He gets worse throughout the movie right here. He's like, I'm a flounder. It's so bad. And you see her be like, you can take that one more time. No. You're sticking with that. We're sticking with that.

All right. We're sticking with everything, huh? I usually try not to laugh at speech impediments, but this, I gave myself an exception for this because it was, it was darn. And also he was like spitting such terrible views that I was like, I, let me have this. Yeah, really, I'm spitting terrible things. Yeah.

Yeah. So yeah, no, and this is where they learn that both of them play flute. He's first chair floutist in the school band, doesn't matter of fact. And then they sit there and they think, wow, talking about flute playing as way better than sex is in it. We should have a platonic relationship. So he walks her home. They continue this conversation in a different scene. Would we say walk though? They move their butt. They, they locomote somewhere. These alien robots. Doesn't go well. Like they everybody

in this movie, they learn to walk, run and speak like for this movie. Like only kind of though really crash course. Yeah. So they they they they they be stumbling forward. They they swing for a little bit. They swing for a second. They're like, wow, this is fun. My mom doesn't let me go to church. Do you believe in God? Yep.

Yeah, this is what we learned about evil mom. Exactly. And she goes, well, my character is that, uh, let's see, I my dad, uh, doesn't like God because I have a dead cancer mom and he's sad. Yeah. Right. Well, there's always an explanation of as to why you don't believe in God or why you personally

hate him who exists for sure. Of course. Not only is there always an explanation, but that explanation is always dead cancer mom. It's literally dead. Okay, I don't know if you're familiar at all with our weird backstory of this show. We actually have bingo cards that you can play along with watching these terrible movies. And one of the squares is cancer mom. And you will every single goddamn time.

It is, it's right in the middle. We put it in the middle, you know, you might as well. I mean, that's like, I can think five right off the bat. Christmas shoes. That is. Yep. Dead cancer mom. Mom, I'm a cancer.

God's not dead. Dead cancer mom. Yep. Yeah, no, like one of our, I need one of our listeners to tag in right now. I believe we can name approximately 229 more because we're honest. So, oh no, my personal favorite by the way, I believe we can name approximately 229 more because we're honest.

So. Oh, no, my personal favorite, by the way, is that that TV show about Atheist podcaster who gets friended by God on Facebook, whose mom miraculously recovered from cancer. And then God can't get by a taxi cab and died on the way home from a miraculous recovery. God friended me. That show is still going. We reviewed the first episode and we were like, all right, one of the odds this goes three episodes, five episodes. And I was like, America has the worst possible taste. It's going forever. And I turned out, man, scathing the gays, you're still going after seven. So I will say it out here in LA when they were like advertising it. I remember a lot of people being like, well, it's like not even really about religion. It's just like, it's not even really about that.

And I was like, it might be. And I think it is. It's like the people who tell you you can't really taste the grilled onions. It's like, yeah, but you like the taste of. Right. You like it. So yeah. So anyway, so okay, I'm sorry, back to this movie. I see, I see what you're doing. I'm trying. I'm trying. Maybe get in there with some video game stuff. I don't know. Whatever.

I'm trying to pull off this thing. Rest of the phone book. I don't know. So yeah. So we, but we end the swinging scene with the boy going basically, wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be doing chores like a lady and she's like, I am. So now they're going to continue this same conversation, but walking down the road or locomoting down the road, ambulating for the other line down the middle of a street. Yes, because he doesn't know how walking. Because they're aliens.

Yes, they're like, oh, this is the walking line clearly of this cemented area of earth normal. Well, wait, here's how much they don't understand how shit works. She's walking to her house so they pass her dad driving to her house the other goddamn way.

I didn't even think of that. Yeah, well, I was doing a circle. I know where our house is. It's stupid. So, yeah, so dad sees her with the boy. She runs, he runs the boy off. She gets in the car and then we learn that Chipp Rosetti doesn't know how to film a scene in a car where the cars moving. So they just sit there and have this

conversation in the car for a really long time without going anywhere. We don't have any audio of this car. We can't really go anywhere. People won't. They'll never know that it's moving. So we get in a bus. There's just another seat. I can sit in. Damn, I don't get it. So. So, okay. So she tells her dad your dad's pissed because she was with a boy and he says, look, I've

got to go out of town. And now that I can't trust you with your own hymen, I have to get you a babysitter. There's an old lady that lives next door, right? And then we meet the old lady next door. I thought that neighbor lady next door was only gonna be in this scene because she's so very uncomfortable in front of a camera and delivering lines.

Like even in comparison to the other actors in this film who seem to be here voluntarily at least. Right. Yes. Yeah, I did wonder if she was chained to the chair at several moments. Yeah. Is she need help? Blink twice if you're listening actress who played whoever, Mrs. McAllister. Okay. So now we listened to her clearly not know how to play the flute. Now, I'm not, I don't want me to pick, right? Like, she probably didn't tell anyone.

She could play the flute. They probably told her three days before, and that her character was a floutist, and this is as good as she could do in three days. Oh, my God. I could hear my mom screaming in my head as a watching it. My mom is a music teacher, specifically a flutist. She like, is a very new shape.

That's her thing. That's her number one instrument. And she was, she was serious. I didn't talk to her about it, but she was furious somewhere in Newark about me watching this, somehow metaphysically that was happening. Like so many things were going wrong.

Couple just, I topped my head, quick notes on flute. They cannot make noise when you're breathing in. That would be impossible. That makes no sense. And the notes change when you press stuff. That's what the buttons do. They would change the note. Yeah. Oh, it was so goddamn bad. The mimeing and the flute playing was so fucking bad. And but then wouldn't you know it, old neighbor lady is like, actually, I am a goddamn champion floutist, you know, with a London Philharmonic or something. Here's my flute. Allow me to play it well for you from off camera. She tells her that it was her song was flat and no, it wasn't. It was sharp. That's fine. It seems like, I don't know this, you know, concert floutist would maybe mention

that you don't put the entire flute inside your mouth. That would be her first note. But no, she just says something wrong about pitch. And then she takes out her flute and plays impossibly well slightly off camera, but they show our, they show us her fingers just barely. And they're, they don't correspond to no change. No, no, we do see her Harley Davidson throw pillow, though, which I, wow, dang, because we're still at Chip Rose, that he sells. And then she offers, you know, She to be Sherry's flute tutor. She's like, you know now snatch this lip plate from my mouth the movie as a plot now get it And and Sherry tells her that she wants to become first chair

Floutist in the band because she wants to show up that boy that she likes and And even the character here Jean old lady is old lady is like, wait, you want to, you've liked him so you want to take over as I just, just makes no fucking sense. And she's like, I know, it worked with me. It's in the script. I know. I just can't, I don't know how to justify this. So, uh, just, uh, praying or something.

Remind the Christians that this is a Christian movie. You know what you're just like a fucking raspberry seed man. You're being a raspberry seed man. Yeah. Just stuck in my god damn. But then we have to have the seed again. This is, you know, fucking classic Christian movie bingo stuff here. We have to have the scene where she prays some Jesus into Sherry.

Right. This is the point where I guess Sherry rededicates herself to Christ. Yeah. This is also where the volume just gets aggressively loud all of a sudden. Yeah. Well, I forgot to say earlier when they were when Sherry's on the swings and the hot date was like, so do you go to church? And she does that phrase that I hate where she's like, well, I was saved when I was eight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And like, I had to re-re-re-mind myself like what she meant by that. I was like, oh, yeah, because that's like, you know, oh, yes, because it's a cult. What does she mean by that? I had the same note, but my note was just like saved at eight.

What? What would that even mean when you're eight? Is that like, so like she grew up not religious and then at eight years old, she like joined the church and so like, you're, you know, you're like saved. I don't know. No, it's, it's this whole fucking brainwashing thing that they do. She was like, and she was seven year old. Yeah, I was like, what, what are you?

Yeah, no, no, this is what they do. They take kids that are already Christian and then they say, but you gotta, accept the love of Jesus and say, I accept Jesus into my heart voluntarily. And you can't do that when you're a certain age. You're too young to know what you're doing. So you have to reach eight,

whatever comes right before the age of reason. Yeah, exactly. What are you trying? The cost of the age of reason. And, exactly. The cost of the age of reason. And once you're eight years old, yeah, or whatever it is, then you say that you elect Jesus into your heart and they tell you that you're changed and they treat you different for like a day and a half and they, you know, you can all swelled up with pride because everybody in the church is so proud of you for doing something that didn't require any actual effort.

So that's what require any actual effort. So that's what she's talking about. That happened to her when she was eight, but now she must rededicate her life to Jesus, which happens right now, which by the way is an admission that the whole safe thing doesn't actually work. Right? Even in their own fucking movie five years later, she's like, yeah, but I kind of forgot about this shit, like I will about this purity ring in about a year and a half too. You know, so anyway, I kind of forgot about this shit. Like I will about this purity ringing about a year and a half too, you know. So anyway, I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Also was um Mrs. McAllister reading the book of Genesis in the scene? She was, she was. She, she's like Bible, page one. I guess. I'm gonna check out this uh, oh, it was good. It says it was good. My favorite verse, let's go to my favorite verse. It is the first verse. It's right. Genesis one. There was the word in the beginning. Yes. So was she wearing a Kenno Gianhakama at this point? What she wants she is. doing on a sort of sport sword fighting right?

Yeah, so okay, so they pray together and the next day Sherry goes to school. She's talking with Duke and Duke says like, huh, you seem different. Are you more religious or now? And she's like, I am. I've been religioning very well. You know that moment. Did you enjoy the very start of this scene when they tried to walk through the doorway together? They learned about doorways today too. I don't know how like the spatial dimensions work on their alien robot planet, but like they

learned today, they were this many days old, today, days old when they learn like, okay, one at a time on the door. They'll get it wrong one more time in the room. Well, I think honestly, they probably asked Chip several times. Can we do one at a time? He's like, no, you come in together because you're a couple now. So, but yeah, they're standing there talking about how much more Christian she is. And then, damn, if Judy doesn't come by to tackle them for their virginity.

Damn, Judy. This is the point where, uh, Duke goes off and he goes like, uh, you know, we could become non-vergents whenever we want, but you'll never be a virgin again, Judy. So we're better than you. That's, that's the big, I mean, there's a very, very many plethora of slut shaming. And yeah, that was, that was a thick, heavy layer one. Yeah. Like I said, this movie is filled with terrible, terrible messages, but the whole, but the slut shaming, your purity as your virginity as your value is definitely to king amongst them.

Right. And this was the the the the messageria is like, yeah, we can fuck whenever we want. You can never be clean again. Yeah. But I wanted her to be like, well, can I just get reborn through Christ? Don't you guys fuck fuck. Yes. I don't use our thing.

I think we have to. Yeah. I don't use our thing. I don't use our thing. I see. We have to leave. We have to open it around. So, but yeah, but this is where the two of them commit to each other to be proudly virginal together, right? And you can tell that at least one of them is really disappointed that the other one said yes, right? But I guess now that we know we can leave these two alone for a few minutes, we'll take a quick break, but we'll be back soon with more exciting, not having sex.

Hey, Heath, how'd you like to Christmas gift I sent you? Um, it's good. Yeah, you sent me cash. Well, how much did you like it? Oh, um, I liked it that many dollars worth, exactly. Oh. Yeah. As this ever happened to you,

do you have friends who suck at getting you kiffs? Do you want better kiffs without going through the hassle of getting all new friends? Do you like getting stuff? But you get paralyzed by the overwhelming choices anytime you're called on to pick a single item for purchase. Then you'll love the monthly box of awesome from Bespoke Post. It's a box full of guy stuff that you can get regardless of your gender because it's awesome.

So whether you're looking to commemorate an occasion with a champagne saber or toast perfectly aged winter cocktails, box of awesome has you covered. From style and grooming goods to barwear, cooking tools and outdoor gear, box of awesome has you covered from style and grooming goods to bar wear, cooking tools and outdoor gear. Box of awesome has carefully built collections for every part of your life. Let's see grooming, drinking, eating, sometimes being outside. That is every part of your life. I told you it is.

So to get started, take the quiz at boxofawesome.com. So they'll know which box of awesome is right for you. They release new boxes every month in a ton of different categories. It's free to sign up and you can skip a month or cancel anytime. Each box costs only 45 bucks, but has over $70 worth of gear inside. And the best part is you get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code awful at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com code awful for 20% off your first box. Box of awesome. Seriously, it's really cool stuff. You

should check out their website. They sent me a bag. It's it's fancier than any bag. I've I just walk around with it with you know fake stuff and it just be like, here's my bag of things. It is really nice. I got a really cool knife problem because I went out of course he stuffed with the knife one. Nice. It was so awesome. It's really, I don't know if you saw it. It's very cool. You know, when you support God off of movies on Patreon, you get a lot more than just early access to an ad-free version of every episode. You also get the legal liability that comes with knowing that you are, in some small way, financially responsible for all the stuff Eli says. But to make up for that,

we also give our patrons an extra secular review episode every month. This month, we tackle the film already being hailed as the worst of the year and possibly the worst of the decade, and possibly the worst of any decade and possibly the worst of any decade cats Just listen to what you're missing. So let's talk about Cats the musical. It's a goddamn nightmare. My eyes are burning. Oh God my eyes Is that better or worse than salted wine? I would say worse This was Baffling it's insane

Nothing makes sense. Nothing is making any sense. Oh, this is complete nonsense. Dame, Judy, Densh, is it in this movie? Oh my God. Majesty. This is for my stupid job, my journey as a movie reviewer. Congratulations on that. Yeah. Thank you. That's exciting. So if you'd like to hear our full review of cats, sign up at Patreon Today. Patreon.com slash God Awful. Pledge is little is a dollar and episode

and you'll get immediate access to this month's bonus episode plus 42 more episodes of Patreon only material. Pledge into this show on Patreon. We watched cats for you, or Eli and Heath did anyway. And we're back for still more of this shit and we're going to open up on Sherry waking up to a church invite from Jean, the old neighbor lady floutist. Oh yeah, Jean is a Macalester. Yeah, yeah, Jean.

Yes, that's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but the seat starts with with Jean trying to do a little space work for a second. Oh my God, Christian space work. It's been too long, man. She is. She has three seconds of like, uh, fake, you know, making scrambled eggs below the frame. She doesn't even have to like do anything more than slightly. Let me move this pot from the left burner to the right burner and then back to the left burner. Oh my god. Why hasn't she come in the room? She's sticking the spatula in her eye. What happens next? Why have you not entered yet? There's someone off screen just holding a gun to her head. That's it. She was tapping out SOS with that fucking pan. We didn't notice

this. What it is. All right. So now dad comes back into the movie. He comes to pick Sherry up from Mrs. McAllister's house. I mean, he's like, how much do I owe you? And she's like, I am a Christian and therefore demand no money for loving your daughter. Yeah, but someone's gonna watch that and then not pay their babysitter. Right. They're like, well, I just kind of, I just kind of assumed that you're a Christian and you are just like fucking take it. It's like, oh my God. Yeah.

This is terrible. But Chip Rosetti doesn't pay anyone who works for him. Yeah, right. Yes, exactly. That's it. That was him sending a message to all the actors, that part in this trip. Yeah.

That's exactly what it was. That's so much. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's stopping so transparent, at least like trying to disguise yourself, Chip. That is so amazing. Big old like she's like, well, you know, I took your daughter to church. That's why she's so pleasant right now.

And he goes, what kind of church does she attend? And I wanted so bad to just get in there and cut in a Muslim one and then send it back to Christian cinema.com. Oh my God. Yeah. But no. So he goes to like, I don't know, they have this father, daughter. I'm going to talk shit about you going to church conversation.

Yeah, that was weird, right? I mean, it's all they're all weird, but that was a particularly... She was like, I just, he was like, what makes it different than the old church? And she was just like, I don't know, it just like, it felt like people really meant it. What? No, like real Christian, like real. Yeah, not like those fucking filthy anglicants. Right.

What? No, we're a Methodist. We're just flex, but okay. Call them to get a black a little bit there. Yeah, sure. Okay. Also, I couldn't really see this scene because of the giant bouquet of flowers, the comically huge bouquet of flowers on this table.

I think that's sitting right in between the two characters. I mean, that had to be a prank by the set people just being like, all right. I bet we could get like a fight guess. What do you think? Like a Christmas tree on the table? I bet we could get an L. I'm going to get an L tree onto that table. Okay. And now it's time to meet. And this is like, this is like norm coming in of a Chippewa's Eddie movie, right? This is the time we meet Donald James Parker. He was the star of Gramps goes to college. Donald James Parker. Yeah. He's in everyone at chips Rosetti's movies. He's the one who writes most are all of them. And in every single one, by the way, this is so amazing. This is four for four now. There is always at least

one woman who desperately wants to fuck his character in every one of the movies that he writes. So he will be playing the band teacher in this film, right? So when we meet him right after. Sherry has had her flute audition. Yeah, he's I hate this. I this character is so disturbing. The look in his eyes shakes me to my core. And I will go directly into the eyes of these characters. I mean, I guess I'm a little bit skipping

ahead here, but she outperforms the girl sitting next to her. And then, you know, like a normal person, she feels a little bit bad about it. She has feelings for, you know, another person who is feeling sad. And then this crazy teacher is like, oh, you don't need to feel bad. You are better. So therefore you don't need to feel anything. In fact, you win. And it was just like, holy shit. Yeah. Flute is a zero sum game. Be happy. Be excited. Well, yeah, he, he, he, from the very beginning, he sets this whole thing up. He's like, all right, here are the stakes of this film. And I do mean this seriously. You are only the eighth best floutist in the school. You must challenge each floutist before you, beyond you. To reach number one, there'll be a mirror match at the end.

Karim Abdul Jibbar will have a fluke and fight you. There's a bit with a fiddle. It's going to get rough, but we're going to go through seven mini bosses before you fucking fight the main ball James Parker's flashing orange So yeah, and by the way, there is a moment here and again Apologies Maggie. I think you have to have seen four movies to truly get why this is so goddamn funny But there's a moment here where Donald James Parker Lectures somebody about humility. Oh, my God.

Right after we reveal that he's the secret love of gene the old neighbor lady who she's pined for her entire life, right, with a little tuba reveal. Right. Oh, gross. Yes. It's so bad. All right. And then we get the scene where Sherry wants to go to church, but dad wants to go watch

football and hang out at alcohol distribution centers that humans like us, us humans like it. He's making this. I couldn't stop laughing at this point. There were a few fun moments actually. Now they think about it. This was one of them. He's supposed to be watching TV. And he is convinced that he needs to do so much physical work with this remote control. He will not let it go. He will not stop moving it around. He's doing it two handed, one handed. He's doing tricks with it. He gets so distracted by this one stage direction.

Like, oh, use the remote for a second. And he was like, I got this. And he's eating it right now. We didn't even start. Okay. He said in texts back from the hit one three times for C days and shit like that. Exactly. I think this is also the moment where he is wearing a plaid shirt and the couches plaid. So it's a double plaid nightmare.

She's floating ahead. What? It's terrifying. And there's also again, this is this, especially knowing how autobiographical this work is. This is such a sad line when she says to her dad, you know, being in bound and trying to be a better floutist has really given my life purpose. Oh, no. So sad.

Oh, also, University of Phoenix offers some great programs. There's a lot of things to live for. Oh, doing great. All right. So yeah, and then she gets invited to the church's youth group. It turns out that the church youth group is about to have a whole big, not having sex ceremony that's scheduled for act three. Scheduled for act three.

I also, I love there, because this is the exactly how the exchange goes. Jean says, you know, Sherry, you should come to the church's youth group. They're going to have a whole big thing about remaining a virgin and to which Sherry says immediately, oh, I don't think my dad would like that. He wants me to be a- How do you need more information, Sherry? Put in more information. My dad wants me to be a secular virgin. It's important. That's the church, not the virginity that dad's not about. Then I think she asked, well, why wouldn't your father

want you to be a virgin? And it's like, why are you talking about any of this? Actually, why did you just fix the line? But you realize that's it. You just have to girls. Again, they have that virus from phoenix.com. They can't copy or paste or anything. So once it's written in the doc, God damn it. It's got to stay. James, you know, we can cut also just unplug the router or something.

I don't know. 10 seconds. James, you know we can cut also just unplug the router something. I don't know. So and then we set this whole thing up where it's like, okay, well, I'll tell you what, I'll cook for your dad if you know, he'll let you go pledge your hymen to Jesus. So they agree on that deal. So we have to have this scene and this is, to me, this is the high point of the movie. I apologize to the listeners for not having the timestamp on this. There's a moment before dad walks in. This is the best art. Yes. Where Sherry and Jean have to say three unscripted words to each other. It is so good. I watched it for goddamn times. All they come up with, by the way, one of them is like,

one of them is like, house, and the other one waits, being like, oh, you're probably gonna say something after hours. No? Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good Oh my God, it was amazing. But yeah, so dad comes in and they they're gonna eat or whatever. And this is dad comes in and he's like, oh, hey, Jean McAllister, my neighbor who's taking care of my daughter for me for free. Thanks for making all this food. Are you staying to eat or just making me food and leave it?

This is actual question. Isn't I was still laughing about the good, good, good, good. I didn't even notice that. Yeah. And this, this is where we learned she's making chicken cord on blue by tearing up ahead of cabbage. It's a complicated recipe. So, and then we cut to immediately after her first flute battle, right? It was just cut to two kids putting down their flutes and Donald James Parker going, that was a very interesting display of fluting that just happened. And then he announces that that Sherry S1 and this poor girl who was already being told she was the seventh best floutist in school

has to now admit that she's the eighth best floutist in school. It's a sad moment. Maybe not even there might be other people who haven't, you know, try to get you to her. We heard Sherry play. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And this is this is the moment, Maggie, that you were talking about where he just starts

yelling about like, walk it off. You're fine. Yelder faced whatever whatever, flute is serious, get serious. Yeah. Yeah. Just like in what world does that make him a good teacher? And like, you think this is good chips? So like how do you talk to people when you're trying to like, you think you're fostering kindness?

I don't know. It was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He can't even, he doesn't even know what nice person lines would sound like for the purposes of a script. It's amazing. And we do get the amazing line here where, oh, yes, the one I want to carve onto his fucking tombstone. This is fantastic. Donald James Parker says to her in during this rant about being more competitive as a flutist, he's like, listen, pride and mediocrity can coexist. I am the maker of the movie love weights.

Oh, no. Some guy know is carving this on my tombstone that I almost I don't know what's happening. Do you think that is from a review of one of his past movies? That's gotta be a title of a review. And he was like, oh really? Well, I'm gonna fucking use this right back in your face. Right down the other chest.

I'm gonna roll off the tongue though, doesn't it? I don't know what those words mean, but I'm gonna use it. That two second clip sums up his career as a filmmaker and I love it. I just want him to have like tattoos on his knuckles like Cape Fear that say pride and the afternoon. So while you're doing that tombstone thing, get on a little knuckle tattoo. If you get to see what I can do. All right, so now we reach the whole point of the goddamn movie. Okay, this makes the whole movie, this next scene makes the whole movie worth watching. This is the meat, this is the potatoes, this is the fucking spinach dip.

It's the whole, the dessert, everything evil. Yeah, I love this. So goddamn it. Okay, so we'll get there. We have to open the scene up because apparently Chip Rosetti learned his lesson about acts asking his actress to vamp for a second Before somebody comes in it's just muted here. Well, it's not even muted their movie because I know because I can hear their lips Smacking as they move their mouths as though they were talking. Oh, he just told them to be like mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth.

Yes, yes. Wow. Just mouth, word, word, word, word, word, and we can hear them. As they're doing it, it's so good. Oh, I thought this was just these two girls being like, all right, we've done really badly with these opening scenes so far where we had to do anything before somebody shows up. Let's just lip sync until Duke gets here. Plus, you know, let's not break the Bechtel covenant and he's not here yet.

Yeah. Yes. So, but yeah, but this thing though is this is where Duke, Becky and Sherry and all of the named characters except Judy are all going to go to the pledging your perpetual virginity class. And we're going to have this, uh, the youth group leader tell them all about the dangers of sex and how evil condoms are. And it's just a litany of bad ideas, one after the other, after the other, right? Yeah, it really comes out. I mean, most of this script feels like, you know, scraps of sermons that are all pushed

together. But this is probably the most like complete sermon within the film. Oh, absolutely. From beginning to error, you know. Yeah, like this was the conversation that Chip Rosetti and Donald James Parker were writing around. They were trying to get to this. Yeah, they started with this. They had some raspberries. They wrote a movie around it.

Yeah. That's exactly. So it starts off with the with the chick going, once the most effective form of birth control and little goody two shoes from Gramps goes to college, goes abstinence. And I wanted so bad to be able to burst into that goddamn room like the cool aid man and go, all right, what's the least effective form of sex ed? Anybody know the answer to that? This. This. Yes, exactly.

This movie. Jesus. The fucking teacher, she goes contrary to some media reports. Nobody gets pregnant from abstaining. What media reports are you fucking reading, lady? Contrary to the New York Times, it's actually a country to our religion, but other than that. Yeah, and she's even, she's, she elaborates on this.

She's like, and you know, when data shows that I'm clearly wrong about the thing, I just said, it's because you're all horse. That's why so stop. Yeah, right. That's actually her knocking down what I just said that, that the media will tell you again and again, that abstinence only education is the least form of sex. If you measure sex said by like number of teen pregnancies, number of abortions, the amount of sexual activity, number of STDs, et cetera, by any reasonable measure. Yeah, by counting.

Yeah, right. Yeah, by science, by real life, by fact, by numbers. Yeah, exactly. So there's also this great moment where the sex ed teacher, this woman is, she's like, she's like, believe me, there will be temptations. And then she just stares in one exact spot. We don't see which kids she's staring at, but she's staring at one specific kid. She's like, believe me, there will be temptations. Oh, she's staring at one specific kid and she's like, believe me, there'll be temptations.

Oh, she's staring at big stuff. She's staring at big stash, chin guy. Yeah, that was pointed. That makes sense. That makes sense. Okay, then we have this amazing moment where like one of the kids says, but if you're married, you can do butt stuff, right? And she goes, well, or no, she doesn't.

One of the other students starts going into this bizarrely specific instance of kink that wouldn't be okay in the eyes of God. Right? She's like, well, if he wants to tie you up and handcuff you and make you wear whiskers and call you George, what? Like Madison stop. Sorry, no. Someone is like, I was just like, I reround all of Madison's lines so I should have again. I'm gonna be standing off screen going, Madison, don't tell him about that. Yeah.

She's like, oh, sorry, I was reading Bernie Sanders' essay from this thing. I got, this is a different thing. Madison is the like red-haired kind of like Irish looking with the freckles girl. No, no, Madison is the girl from Gramps goes to college. The little blind girl. She's got those little cheeks. She's got these cheeks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there also was that other girl who is the one that talks about the dangers of porn. The one who knows how to speak words. The one person in this entire movie who could talk and she started talking like a human and it was like jarring to me. I was watching this for an hour and a half. This is weird. I feel so bad for the kid that gets chosen for this line because I don't know why Chip

Rosetti cast him, but I know why Chip rosetti cast him where they start talking about porn and then this is just this one sweaty kid who raises his hairy palm or whatever he goes. Sweaty Bobby. Yes. And he goes. Some people get addicted to porn just like alcohol. Hey, Bobby, you want to let go your mom's leg and believe in a line? No.

That was so we agreed you would deliver Mama's leg no I have high C There's also this great moment where somebody goes, well, porn also makes men go crazy and do rapes. And the fucking youth group leader goes, yes, it's very sad when that happens. Fucking what? Yeah, that's a bummer.

That's a real bummer. Yeah. Good wording. Jesus Christ. That was upsetting too. And then we meet this kid who refers to himself only as Mr. Fisher. And I'll tell you what, he is too cool for that purity rig. Right. That's his character. And then she, like he's like, I'm not going to take no chance to be playing you guys are stupid. And she's like, you know, it's important

to remember as we're thinking about just freely having sex flippantly and not respecting the bounds of marriage, then Satan is trying to let gay people do it. What? Oh, but yes, yes, she steps up and has a whole big speech about how Satan is trying as damned as to do away with the sanctity of marriage on every front. Get what? Get every get what I mean by that. There would be gay people to get married is what we're talking about. Oh, you know what? I honest to God, miss that subtext because I mean, this whole scene is so shocking that there were there were moments of my brain shut off. And I did not even realize that she was trying to broach that top. I'm so jealous that your brain shut off that I should have. I mean, I watched this that topic. I'm so jealous that your brain shut off that I should have been saying

depends on my question for all these. I mean, I watched this movie twice because I was so fascinated by it. Oh my gosh, twice. Yeah, I think both times I had a slight aneurysm during the scene. So. If this was definitely the aneurysm scene, yeah.

And believe it or not, despite all of the shit that we've talked about, it's about to get to its worst, right? Yeah, that wasn't the worst part. No, we're not there yet. No, no, no. So stash guy starts yelling about he's like, he's supposed to be the atheist who's forced to be at this thing by his parents. Yeah. And he's like, tell God to make me fly or else I'm watching snuff porn right now. And they're like, no, just calm down, calm down. And but then the teachers like, well, you are right that like, you know, Christian, we do ruin every party. We are the worst. And then the transition from there, somehow she's like, I'm going to say gay people are evil next. Yeah. New thought gay people are evil.

Satan is a gay person. And that, that is, you are correct, not the worst part. It is about to get more evil than that right now. Yeah. Right. So it's time for her. He's like, you don't know nothing about being a teenager and having sex with the opposite gender. And she says, actually, I do.

And a little piano starts playing. And she tells us about this goddamn story of her getting pregnant when she was 17 Having an abortion even though she didn't want to Something going horribly wrong with the abortion and her being rendered infertile for life That's the fucking message the message the movie ascending now is and don't have an abortion because it'll fuck you up and you'll never be right again. Yeah. Yeah. And she says it and this really let her her entire tone is like this.

I got pregnant. I wanted to get back. Oh, being triggered. Yeah. Oh, but there is one moment and I'm hoping I'm not the only person who noticed this once the little piano music starts It after it goes for a little while suddenly. There's a sound of a stream That cuts in with it and then the music fades away Because what they used was the

Relaxing cassette tape that Donald James Parker keeps in his car from when he's bucks And they had to cut it out and they have to cut it out and they meant to cut it out before this stream starts going through but they fucked it out. You're a very successful movie man. Your MBA is going amazing. You're very tight. Anyways, and that's my abortion. Yes. Yes. Oh, and her whole speech here is like, I got pregnant because of the exact same ignorance that I'm teaching right now.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And like the implication that like, oh my god, abortions are so unsafe. It like, it felt to me up like she's. Oh, yeah. No. unsafe it like it felt me up like she's oh yeah no right you remember in Fargo with the woodchipper didn't go great didn't go great I mean and that's the

thing like it would make more sense to have an entire industry devoted to making movies about the dangers of root canals right they don't do that for some fucking reason. Lookin' raspberry seeds. So, yeah, but she tells us that she's infertile and has no value as a human, and also it's her fault, right, for all the sinning and the sexing and the abortioning. Oh, absolutely.

And then another girl, red- headed girl cuts and it goes, Hey, can I still take the chastity pledge? If I can, my friends still take the plastic chastity pledge or shoe box. Yeah. I'm asking for a free me a free. What? That was so funny. I think she even was, she says like, and like not because I, I, I happen, but, happen but but for like if someone did have sex is it okay?

Theoretically It's so amazing. Yeah, and the answer is yeah, God gives you a clean slate and Nobody was like oh, so I should just fuck and then take it As we're watching I was like. I was like, all right. So every night tonight, they're gonna go out and have hard time with that. And so everybody, let's get fucking busy. I guess we still got two weeks before this.

Didn't Aquinas say give me chastity and virtue but not just yet? Hey, don't use fucking Aquinas on our tank. You don't need to clip it in again. All right. And then we have the scene where she catches her dad making out with some lady he met at the bar. Oh, yeah.

The opening shot of this, I wrote down it. It looks like the dad's head is wedged between this woman's breasts. And I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be him like they're supposed to be kissing, but then he just like did that. Or if this actor just decided to take some liberties and shove his head into her chest, I don't know, but there you go. That's the opening shot. It felt like his face was opening up like the predator,

and he was going to shoot harder for body off was what. But here's the thing that we have this long opening shot of that where their heads just aren't matching up quite right to be making out. And they're not moving it all. Yeah. It's terrifying. Hey, let go of the remote control. It's right between our faces. This is weird. You've been holding it since we started the movie. You need to put it down. No. But yeah, but then Sherry comes in and decides to cock block her dad because this is just some bar slut that he met, right?

Yeah. Yeah. He's, she's very disappointed in his choice of woman. I put in there like, I don't know that this man can be picky. Sherry, I think that he has to sort of take what's left over. If you know what I mean, I don't some people don't get married into their 30s and 40s. It's just some people do. Some people do.

Totally normal. 38 is the new something younger. I'm 38. All right. And then, okay. So we have the moment. I'm 38. All right. And then, okay, so we have the moment, we're back on the bus. You know, because we listen to and watch the bus for a while. And this is where they hatch the plan of trying to hook dad up with the abstinence teacher

at their church, right? The youth group lady. Right, right. It was right in front of my eyes the whole time, the perfect woman. And she says, and she says, Ariel, and we the audience are like, fucking who?

Yeah. And she goes, you know, the youth group lady teacher and we're like, who? It's like from three scenes ago that was telling us not to box the terrifying voice. Oh, Ariel. That's the one you had, you know, had sex in there. Exactly. Except for Bob. Broken woman. Yeah. Got Hater. Ariel. Got me. You know, it's like she has the scarlet, big scarlet letter that you'd, yeah, it's

so. The letter you for universe is gone because that's how abortions work. Yeah. So. And then we have this great moment. And I love this moment. So goddamn much cherry goes to Jean, the flute player next door. And she says, you know, I'm trying to hook my dad up with a woman. And Jean is like, oh, really? I don't know if it's just like, you know, Ariel from your church. What's her number? And don't know if it's like, you know Ariel from your church? What's her number? And she goes, Oh, Ariel is, you're obviously you were talking about Ariel would be who you would be. Yeah, talking about. Oh, yeah, that was super mean. And she's like, yeah, so, you know, I would have set you up to Jean, but you're old.

Can you cook for their date? She does. She fucking does. And then leave maybe, I don't know, remember earlier, where you stayed after you made food? That was it. You could just make it and leave. So, okay.

So now it's, they're getting ready for the surprise date between dad and Ariel. And there's another moment where Jean, like a three-year-old betting you that you can't tickle them. She's like, oh, I sure hope you don't surprise, set me up with a fella someday. Oh, God. So sad.

She's so horny. Yeah, and it gets even sadder when she's just like I don't even think I need a man and Cherious like well doesn't the Bible say that you're incomplete without one and should spend your time cooking and cleaning for one She's like oh, well, you're right that that is what it says in this book that I just like Genesis page one It'll be years but it'll be years before Timothy at this rate. Yeah, you're right. And then like she's like in the background in this shot. So it's even sadder because she's like kind of out of focus.

And it's just like, yeah, well, I guess if Jesus wants that for me, then that'll happen. And then he'll happen. And then it cuts away. So, a lot of sadness cuts in this movie. Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, so the saddest cut for me is actually right here. So this is Ariel shows up and they have this awkward moment where Sherry's trying to close the door behind Ariel, but Ariel is standing between her and the door and they spend a second figuring out how the logistics of that. Ariel almost gets seriously injured by the door while they're trying to like shuffle.

No, you go to your left. What? No, just in the door. What are you doing? They have to have done doors before, right? Maybe yesterday. Well, I mean, maybe that was a part of what they had to learn to, you know, be in the movie.

They were talking. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Talking. And oh, yeah, well, no, that's another, now that you mentioned, this is not the first time they've had trouble with the whole door concept. Yeah. No, no.

No, this was tough. Like they learned open doorway earlier, but now there was like this sweet thing right in here. Right. Right. Right. Who with a big handle on it? All right. So then they, this is genuinely fucking funny.

This is the moment where the actors can't decide whose house they're supposed to be in right now. Some like half the actors think it's supposed to be Gene's house and half the actors think it's supposed to be Sherry's house. And they're all referring to it differently. Right, like they did it. They're going like, sorry, Dad, we'll have to leave the dishes for tomorrow. And he's like, it's not my house.

So it doesn't matter. Why would I give a fuck? But no, I would never wash a dish. Can you imagine? I have a penis. I wouldn't. What? But yeah, but they introduce him to Ariel. I have a penis. I wouldn't what?

But yeah, but they they introduce him to Ariel. They're like, here's my not having sex tutor from church, dad. You could not have sex with her. I think I'm not having sex with her right now, but okay. And we know that dad's pretty impressed with this area lady because now suddenly he wants to say a prayer before they eat. Right. And his prayer is great. It's like dear God, great job on earth. I mean, everything, great. Nailed it. Amen. I started to say something about how you killed my wife.

That feels familiar. Yeah. You are mysterious. I will give you that. You're weird. You are a scamper. So killed my life. That was good. This movie is like subtly endorsing a flirty fishing to like every number of a church. It's so weird. And then by the way, if you thought two of them could hurt themselves trying to close the door, imagine what happens when four of them all try to sit down and chairs at once.

They do so badly and they don't got it. They could just cut the scene, but we get to watch like 15 seconds of them being like four of us, four chairs, who does division. Yes, Carrie goes to sit in the chair that that gene is about to sit in. So then she moves into the chair that Ariel is about to sit in. The dad just stands there between two chairs just fucking deer in a goddamn headlights over the decision he now must make. So eventually we fade to fucking black with all four of them still.

And so amazing. All right. So anyway, so she goes off to church with Jean and Ariel and she comes home to have the conversation with dad about, huh? How about that? Ariel lady, right? She's my not fucking tutor. So I figured she'd be the right girl for you, right? Yep. During this conversation, the dad, well, so the, you know, a Sherry's like, well, dad, I think you have to get right with God. And then her dad is like, well, you know, you're a big name dropper.

And then she goes, what's the name dropper? What? And then he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he has to wait to a 14 year old, what the phrase name dropper means in a very clinical way. Like, oh, it is when you just say the name of someone important to get someone to do what you want. And then they can just continue the conversation.

Yes. So you know names. That's the first part. Are you familiar with the verb to drop as an infinitive? I just like did ship not know what that meant and like he was writing with someone and you probably would understand this concept. I know what it means, but the 14 year old girl probably doesn't so why don't you write in what it means to both the 14 year old girl probably doesn't so why don't you write in? Would it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Both right at the same time. We either of us good good. Obviously, right now. Also, there's a great bit moment where Sherry does sort of an impression of the bad girls that he's hooking up with in the bars and he's like, wait, how do you know how to do an impression like that? And she's like, well, primetime television will make you know how to have premarital sex. It's a good thing there are things like chipperosettifilms.com, right? There's a lot of appropos to camera and stops. Oh, hello. And it's a PSA. All of this is rainbow going behind her.

Yeah. Uh, she also, uh, Sherry, she's not the most peanut butter mouth actor, but at the end of this little conversation, she says, it's time to meagle with God. And it sounds like she is saying it is time to put makeup on God. And I agree. I think it's time for God to be a little more gay. So yeah, God needs to go on queer eye. 100%. That guy needs to make over.

Absolutely. All right. Well, I guess now that we can rest comfortably in the knowledge to dad also has someone to not fuck. We can take a break. But first, let me give it a act three of the hard sell here. Can Duke not have sex in time? Can Sherry flute well enough to reach Shao Khan? Which of these 13-year-old children will be stabbed in the face before this movie is over? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the abstinent conclusion of

love weights. There's an answer to that last one. There is. That's a real. Yeah. The answer's not nobody. This is so lame. What do you know about having teen sex? Well, let me share with you a very personal story. I was a teen girl was.

Uh, Were you? For the purposes of this skit, heath, yes, I'm doing my lady voice. Okay. Anyway, when I was a teen girl, I was pressured into sex one time. And even though we had only had sex the once, I got pregnant and syphilis twice. I got pregnant and syphilis twice and I didn't want to get an abortion But I lived in California at the time so I had to that's the law there But just when the doctor thought he was done aborting my baby it reached out and grabbed him by the cheeks Oh and snapped his fucking neck like they do in the movies. I didn't think that was real, but it was he died. Anyway, that baby went on to terrorize the plant parenthood for days, and eventually I escaped by using my own blood to lubricate an air duct. The NSA burned that abortion clinic to the ground, but when they combed through the ruins, they didn't find any side of my aborted fetus. They only found a hastily burrowed hole right where it was last

seed. Okay. And that fetus is named Joseph Stalin. What? Which is why you shouldn't have sex. This is literally not the worst argument in this movie. Nope. One of the better ones. And we're back for still more of this shit. And we're going to rejoin the action with Sherry and the bathroom at school getting bullied for not writing any penises yet. It's been a whole fucking two X so far. So Judy

reenters the movie saying, I'm gonna beat your ass for not having had sex yet. What? This is one of those eightiest sex positive school gangs that have been in the mean streets of South Dakota. But luckily Becky was taking a shit just then, right? So Becky storms out of the bathroom stall to give Judy some shit. Now we should mention I don't want a body shame, Becky, but it would be, uh, it would be remiss not to point out that Becky is five times the size of Judy, right? Easily.

He's thick. Like the two of them facing off, it is not easy to be sympathetic to the much larger girl talking about kicking Judy's ass. Right. But that's what happens. So the friend, is there any Becky? Yeah. So, Becky, the one thing that she says that I quoted was, if I have to pray for Judy to

be a Christian, then I'd rather be a heathen. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, I kind of, I really respected that. heathen. So yeah, I kind of really respected that. I was like, hell yeah, Becky. Yeah, that's a tough stand. Taking a Christian movie. A little do we know that she does not hold up to that assertion? No.

I'm not praying for that atheist. I'm an atheist now is what's happening to this character, which is very confusing. Yep. Yeah. Rare based atheism is rare. Yeah, actually. So, but Sherry's like, well, you know, I'm super Christian ever since kind of like late act one.

So I have to forgive my enemy. So I forgive Judy. I feel like this whole conversation was just because Chip Rosetti, like, red Sid Fields book and was like, weren't we need to have a conversation into a mirror because that's deep when you talk into a mirror. That's a cool movie thing. I honestly, I think it was probably because he wanted to prove to somebody that no, I do know how to film it so that you can't see the camera.

Yeah, I can. I can. I just like chose not to in the past. Right. Exactly. No, in that one movie, that was a creative choice. That's a camera in the bathroom in unrelated. They have camera. I honestly think that this scene exists because Chip Rose had he wanted to film in a girl's bathroom, but you know, that's just, you know, there is so many. I watched, I watched it. I watched it with my partner and throughout the movie,

they kept being like, so you're telling me this guy wrote a movie where it's a bunch of girls talking about sex, trying to have sex, then talking about sex in the girls bathroom, in the girls locker room. And yeah, that is the movie that he wrote. Yeah, and always wearing like, but she likes shorts every chance that he, yeah, right. No, it's super, it's a super uncomfortable abstinence movie. It's such a weird juxtaposition. Did you make this partner watch the movie twice with you?

Uh, okay, so the second time is actually their idea. Oh, I wish. Yeah, because they're like, you know what? I, I, I need to figure this out. And so we watched it again the next time. Wait, no, I respect that. I respect that. It's like, it's like, I'm going back in for Morpheus kind of a thing. I get it. Yeah. I'm always curious to hear what somebody completely unaware. Like what we're doing this podcast about this on purpose, which makes very little sense. I'm always curious to hear what out the outside perspective is. Apparently in

this case, it's let's dig in there. I mean, let's really lean into this. I want it twice. Let's look for the beams. Let's look for the hidden easter eggs in this very good writing. I mean, it's very rare that you get this masterpiece of a cluster of f***, car crash. It really has all the elements. You can't look away. Yeah, no, I get that. Like, yeah, usually to get this bad, it has to be self-aware. No, this movie is a lot like crash. You're right. It's just at all ties together. So it's equally deserving of best picture. I'll say that. So now we get another moment of sharing, getting bullied for all that damn virginity of hers. This is where they steal her flute. Oh, yeah. Because Judy's

so mad at her for being a virgin. That is what happened. They do steal the flute. Yeah, I didn't follow this until they like had to explain it later to themselves and me in the next scene. Yeah, but they knock her over. They steal her flute. Judy comes to talk some shit to her and then Justin time teacher shows up just in time again. And then we wind up back on the goddamn bus with the establishing shot again with Duke determined to solve the case of the missing flute. Like, wow, this is quite a paper. Judy was standing right next to you. You got knocked over and your flute disappeared. Do you think she might have been involved? Perhaps it's your nemesis. Do you think your nemesis?

No, no way. No, because I mean, just it's a lot like she tried to beat you up for not having sex. You don't think it's her? Yeah. Okay. Can you help me with this peanut butter? I got a lot. Well, but see now this is very problematic because the two of them were supposed to play a flute duet in a wedding and now she doesn't have a flute for that. Well, how? So, however, will we get another flute? Also, do you think maybe they were trying to just avoid filming that? I don't know. I don't know. No, they're really,

let's have someone steal the flute because she can't play the flute. And also, we don't even have a venue for the spake wedding, so never. Yeah. Never. The church got stolen too. This is everything. And also we don't even have a venue for the fake wedding. So yeah The church got stolen too. This is everything Made a fucking skate park out of it, but it's leading somewhere so more so much more fucking bizarre, right? So she goes she shows up at Jean the neighbor's house and she goes what's

wrong and and and she goes well my my fucking flu whistle and it looks like that's gonna have to do all the work to propel act three forward and it really seems like it should be more emotionally impactful so then the old lady goes oh you want emotionally impactful let me take you on a ride to my dad daughter room. She said you have a dad daughter room. Is that what you call it? She goes. This was my daughter's room. She goes the daughter in Seattle. She has no the daughter in heaven. Oh, it's so sad. Yeah, for a moment, I was like, oh, is this going to be another abortion story? Where are you, Lake? This is the room for the baby I didn't.

Yeah, I was like, I was like, they could, because this is about abstinent. So it has to be about sex, surely. Little did I know that ship actually doesn't really care what his movies are about, quote, unquote. And it's kind of just a free for all. So no, it's not about a bulletin. Yeah.

Oh, I remember when this seemed like it was out of left field. Like knowing now what happens later in the movie, it doesn't anymore feel out of left. But Jesus did at the moment. It really felt like this was coming out of nowhere. Yeah. And the way the way Jean presents it was crazy too. She's like, here's the my death room, check it out.

And then she says, I want to, I want to tell you something. I told you a little bit of a fib earlier, Sherry. And I was like, please tell me she killed her daughter. She murdered her daughter. This is going to be so fucking interesting. That'd be in flat. No, no, no. For missing a note.

No, we learn that the daughter committed suicide. Jean's daughter killed herself. And then her husband got drunk and that night, the night of the suicide went out and died in a car accident. Right. And so her lie, it was she told Sherry that they both died in the car accident, but really she's covering up the shame of her daughter having taken her own life because that means that she might be in hell Right was that the undertow that is the rule again That is the spackle that was holding the other bad ideas together. Yes. Yes

And also because Chip Rosetti just felt like he needed emotion here. So he's like, and then my husband died. And then, well, my dad was going to save my husband, but he was eating my bear. You didn't let me finish. You didn't let me finish? I feel like the bear thing didn't impact you very much either. Hold on. I also had a raspberry seed in my desert small thing. This one like well more stuff.

She's wait. Also, I my husband. Oh, no, shh. I had an abortion. I'm a and I never forgave him for it. That's right.

He had a fucking bear abortion. Yeah, so you drink an alcohol beer and he crashed his car and the things I also said. I love this too, because like basically they stand there for a while and go like, wow, that's really depressing. And she's like, yep, and I still love God anyway, even though he killed my daughter and my husband on the same night and everything. And then she goes, and then there's this awkward moment where she's like This is great. No, but what why are you telling me any of this? She's like, oh, cuz my suicide daughter has a spare flu

She's like, couldn't you just said I have a spare flu This is a lot I see you okay, you're handing me the flute like a samurai sword. Okay. It's a lot of pressure. There's a lot of... Can you cut this baseball in half with that flute? My daughter used this flute to take her own life. That's fine. Downer throw, showcase.

Goking on the cold metal anyway. You're one of the most serious. You left the blood right on. Should I just not know why? No, you can have it. Leave the blood, I can have the blood. Don't wipe it off, don't wipe off the blood. Do you mean like drink it?

Have it? Okay, never mind, you know what, I never mind, I'm taking the flute, I'm taking the flute. Cool. All right, so yeah, so she gets her flute. It's the day that they're going to have her and Duke are going to have their big flute off for whatever. And then we cut to Judy trying to talk her friend into an abortion. Now, this is a character we have not met in the movie at all. Right? She's just like, she's just like, yeah.

No, this is just brand new political cartoon separate so that they can yell about something unrelated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, she's like, you know, you should go get an abortion. She's like, but my holy father will know that I've killed my baby. And I so wanted this to be all leading up to Judy, like taken care of her unborn child the same way they took care of Sherry's flute, right? Like somebody knocks her down, they slipper a pill or so. Anyway, but yeah, that's not where we're going. In fact, we will simply never see this pregnant character again. And we'll never know what she chose to do.

Right. Well, really, I mean, obviously part of the reason Chip is writing this is to put words and young women's mouths. So this is the thing that you are supposed to say when your atheist st. and friend is trying to, trying to pressure you into an abortion as they are want to do, you know. All right. Okay. All right. So then you should respond when they tell you that the fetus isn't really a human anyway, you should respond by saying, quote, tell that to the abortion doctor who

aborted a fetus only to have that fetus clutch his finger afterwards. Yeah. I thought that's her is that. Yeah. Is that a thing? Yeah, you know what, man, I'm going to need a name for that claim. Is that is that is that I'm gonna need a name for that The portion doctor who thought he to board of that Venus only to have it show up 20 years later and challenge him do a

What the fuck are you that doctor Kermit from Philadelphia who had like the cat drawers. Just a pile of dead cats and dead babies all over his apartment. That's real. That's totally real. Yeah. What? We should also mention that they said one of the school attendants said that Judy, her campaign is called a stamp out virginity. Yep.

Which I think like that's awesome. That's really punk actually And like if you could just kind of tweaked it like stamp out the idea of virginity I think that is something that they should instill in school. Yeah, and there you go Thank you, Chip for this wonderful idea. Hell yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna start Imperity rings. We're gonna yeah. Oh god. I really wanted I going to start impurity rings. We're going to fuck. Yeah. Oh god, I really wanted, I want to start impurity rings for like, you know, kids that have had sex to wear as a way of saying like, yes, I'm not should bubble gum. So go fuck yourself. Or kids who haven't had sex that are okay with that philosophically.

I think they should be. I masturbate to pornography. Does that count? Yes. That counts. Thank you. You cannot. Inclusive.

You cannot fight pornography. It will always win. So yeah, so okay. Now dad is talking to Ariel on the phone and I'm writing on my notes. Jesus, there's still half an hour of this movie. God. And the daughter comes in and she's like, dad, I have a question or more of a van Halen song. Really?

How do you know when it's love, you know? Might as well jump daughter. I don't know. No. No. No. He's just, he goes like, well, real love is why it's when you die on a cross because your dad is still pissed about the apple lady.

Does that make sense, hun? Sure does. Right. Cool. Got it. So I'm going to go crucify myself in jeans, suicide room. That's what you're talking. Jesus. All right. Well, it's been, I don't know minutes and something horrible was revealed

about somebody. So let's move on to Becky's big revelation scene. Right now, Becky is the larger girl, the full-bodied girl that keeps showing up every time Judy wants to bully, Sherry, to tell her how she'd be happy to, you know, to tell her to eat a rock or compare her to a raspberry seed or whatever, right? Right. And so now Sherry is hanging out with all her little church friends when Becky walks by and they're like, you know, we really should make a Christian out of that check. So they invite her into the library for a phrase circle. Now, keep in mind, there at church. Right, this does not happen in the school. There at church, they all look around at one of the other girls at church and say, we need to make a Christian out of her.

Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, you're never Christian enough. There's always something to twist. So. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So they bring her into the library and they're like, dear God, I'm sure that you could see something of value in Becky. I can't think anything to point out right now in the prayer

But you're omniscient so you probably know something Right She got attacked by a bear. I used that earlier. No Oh God, yeah, so then she's like, you know what you guys have correctly diagnosed my psychological trauma because of your Christianity Let me tell you my horrible backstory. I was raped by my cousin and my family is still actively covering it up and I murdered Jean's daughter. That was me. It wasn't a suicide. Man, it looked like she killed herself. It's so well, and look, the phrasing that she uses is the person who quote, stole my honor

and quote, was a family member, right? So we've managed to make a like the, the declaration of having been raped by her cousin into a damaging message all by itself. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She says during this talk, quote unquote, my purity dream is another lost dream. Yeah. As in, yes. Yes. And they all agree. Like, yeah, that is really sad that you're not a virgin. Yeah. That because you could be because you're a victim of incest.

We're focusing on that right Right. Angle of it. And by the way, like, they're advised, or Christian friends advice are all like, well, you should really forgive your cousin and all of your family members that are still currently covering up this crime. Oh my God. Right. Not like, hey, would you like us to go to the police about it? Nothing like that.

No. Oh, no, no, pray for your abuser and you're not a virgin because you were brave. Woo. Yeah. Yeah, just out of the fucking body. Okay. So they mentioned the incest rape thing. And I was like, this is unwatchable. I'm walking out again. This movie is a fucking war crime. And I walk back in and hit play again. And they were like, you need to pray about forgiving your Ares. I was like, what is happening?

I can't watch the rest of the movies. Yeah. Full boy, come. This is the future that conservatives want. Like, is that not just? Oh, and okay. All right. So now it's time for the twist.

Because like again, like, you know, look, in Gramps goes to college, one of the girls drinks alcohol to death in another girl, praise her back to life. So that's what Chipper was, he knows he's got a match with this scene. And damn it, he makes it happen. Okay. So they come out of the library after saving Becky's soul and Duke runs up and he goes, oh my God, guys, I've been looking for you everywhere. Someone urgently needed the prayer of a few teenage girls and you were nowhere to be found. The revelation you see is that some sexually active teenage girl got slashed up with the

knife for being sexually active. It was Judy. Yep. Yep. So the next terrible message that we're going to send is that, remember, the next It was Judy. Yep. Ah. Yep. So the next terrible message that we're going to send is that remember how sexually active Judy is, that's why she got raped or like the way somebody attempted to rape her and then cut her with a knife, right, because she was sexually active.

Not because that guy is bad, right, but because Judy was a sinner. Right. And really, we should all be focusing on everybody. I know I told you a lot just now. She's less beautiful because of the cutting that is our focus right now. Right. Right. Her beautiful face is slashed, much like the Joker himself. Yeah, the origin story. That's what a bit of better. All right. Yeah, no, okay, that's yeah, crash was definitely more

work well if I'd But if at the end of this movie we just paned out and we were in Arkham Asylum, this would make so much Yeah, but like no, that is the immediate place that all these characters go. They're like Judy was cut up. I bet she kills herself because she'll be ugly now She's probably thinking about suicide out of nowhere like it. It's almost side dialogue like they're like leaving the frame and then someone drops that bomb. Yes Yeah, Becky come since this I bet you kill you guys would have a pool over You don't want to have a pool. Okay, never mind, never mind. I thought we would just bet. I think I saw a couple of you

start raising your hands, did, no. No. I just wanna go like a snake draft or what are we doing? Oh, sure. But and also this is where this whole group of church, these are church kids at church. And they're like, yeah, I mean, all this news,

we just heard sounds pretty bad. That being said, God has opened the door for us. This is a blessing. We're gonna go pray away the assault. Yep, yep. Yeah, no, literally, that's a Madison says, yeah, but God has really opened the door for us by getting Judy almost raped and then permanently

disfigured. What luck? Yeah. Well, also, I think this really illustrates the predatory nature of people who do this type of thing. They wait until there is something, when someone is at their lowest, you try to recruit or, you know, try to do this. And it's kind of like a giveaway that ship doesn't realize that he wrote into it. Well, yeah, over and over again.

Right, right. Exactly. That's the thing is that generally their filmmakers have the sense not to have two characters go, hooray, rock bottom. So, so they go to see Judy at the hospital. Now, the the cuts on Judy Spacer. Amazing. It's the silliest.

Like this attacker was like, oh, you don't want to have sex. That's cool. Scrape, scrape, scrape. I'm done. I'm done. It looks like a four year old got into the box of band-aids. Oh, you're putting away your knife. So what do you got an memory board there?

You're gonna scrape, okay? Yeah. So there's this, okay. So now this is supposed to be like the emotional climax of the fucking movie, Becky sits down next to Judy and the two of them have been at each other's throats, but Becky has just been saved by the love of Jesus in the church Just now so she's gonna forgive this girl that she's been enemies with since she was just a little kid

But they've might didn't such a way that you cannot hear a goddamn thing that Becky During the emotional climax She goes, wow, she wants to have a slow show. Sorry, what? And then Judy goes, I don't wanna be loved by Jesus though. And you're like, what the fuck did he know? Are you responding to? I wrote down, because from the get go, I was like,

I love Judy, she's my favorite character. I hope that I feel like at the end, they're all gonna be friends. And I wrote down, I got what I wanted, but this is not how I wanted it. I'm not the right one. This was the worst way for this outfit. Were you holding a monkey's paw when you wished that?

I realized this is elaborate, that I feel like I did a lot. I'm not. I'm not. There's a camera there and there. So dumb. All right, so but Judy and Becky make up and then it's Sherry's turn to face Judy's her ring.

So she just like leans on her pet and starts crying. And then fucking Judy's character goes, what are you doing? I feel the power of Jesus moving into my body now. Oh my God, I'm a Christian. Right? Is that not what happens in a fucking movie? She literally, she's like, what's that feeling? And they're like, that's the touch of Christ.

And she's like, oh! How tangible! This is a domino conversion fantasy where it's just like Yeah, you convert someone and then they convert someone else and then they'll convert someone else and then pretty soon No one will be having sex and it's my dream come true. Oh, yes. This is an You'll have as many as four Christians working right beneath. And then they. This is also hilarious because of like if you've ever been part of like a church that does

this, I was thinking, you know that this is never how it goes. No. So I just yells at you and then you leave. And it's that over. So this is really just chip like rewriting what he wishes it looked like. Exactly. That's the fantasy. That's why they have to make these movies because after all of this shit, we get the absolute Christian movie money shot where Judy says to all of them, tell me about Jesus. There's a Bingo square to where people are like Jesus Christ the

Like Roman Empire through and followed like Killed by the Jews that what Trist I thought it was pronounced this whole time I thought I was not Also what the fuck was this? The fucking nurse comes in and she's like, it's time for your medicine. And Judy starts going, I don't want more medicine. I want more Jesus. Yeah, yeah.

This is illegal. This is illegal. Yes. I'm quite certain. Yeah. Again, as if this movie didn't have enough terrible goddamn messages in it, then she comes in and she's like, no, I don't need secular medicine to make me well.

I need Jesus of Nazism. I'm not going to get measles, mumps and rubella plus that causes autism. I just need some hummus. Just piss me off with one more thing. Yes. Oh my God. All right. We're almost done, guys. We're almost done. So now

we're banging out and saying that for us. Yeah. You guys listen. Yeah. It is almost done. But thank you, Noah. No, we're gonna story. Yeah. They can see the runtime. Okay. So yeah, Judy and her dad are now going to come to church with them, right? Because Judy became Christian in that last scene. I fucking guess. Right. I guess that's what happened. Okay, who the fuck knows? I don't know, she's Christian.

Great, are we done? Yeah. Not yet, yeah. So the dads, like, days were Christianing my daughter. I would have thought we'd have put her in a, in a longer skirt for this scene, but no, we didn't. Okay.

Chip said no, she would still dress like that. But anyway, and then they have this like, Judy wants it. Like they come, they come to Ariel, the youth group leader is she's like, Hey, Judy wants to be in our purity pledge class now, but she was a bit of a, before so, it is an I. before so. Oh, it's artificial scarcity we sold out. She does have this moment where she looks at Judy because I don't know this girl and purity. Maybe we'll see I can tell by her slash face that she loves you. I see four points against Really lady, how's your uterus? How about your one of the points against you fuck you you're curious about your what are the points against you fuck you. Oh god.

All right. So and then they all sit around her and and Jean and her dad all sit around going like, wow, we all certainly have had some kind of arc in our characters of late havent we and then dad decides that he's going to get baptized. And they have this amazing conversation where Sherry goes, but aren't you baptized? And he's like, yeah, but it was Catholic doesn't, doesn't count. Oh my God. That's so funny.

Like you actually says he's like, yeah, I was just like a sprinkly thing. That's bullshit. You have to be fully submerged like River Jordan, like all the way. God's up there checking like volume of displaced water and it's got to be like a body amount. Yes. Yeah, so now her and Jerry are going to be real baptized by real Christians. And of course to us, this is the silliest goddamn thing in the world. But for Christians, this is such an amazing, like an important signal of which type of Christianity this movie is endorsing, right?

No, no, full submersion is the only one that counts and you're not allowed to like Jews or whatever, right? Did any of you guys get baptized when you were kids? I did, yeah. I grew up Catholic, yeah. You got the sprinkly one, so that doesn't count. You're going to. All right, Noah.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm pretty sure I got sprinkly baptized at some point, but not my conscious memory or anything. All right, so now it's time for Ariel to give the big version, Victorian speech, right? It's, they're all going to put on their period. This thing that the movie has been building towards the entire time where all these teenagers pledge to not have sex. Sorry, I'm already laughing. I'm already laughing because sweaty Bobby's suit suit is my favorite thing. Yeah.

They're having a like reverse in-sell ceremony and Bobby is wearing the, he's very large to begin with, but he's got a zoot suit that's like four people's worth. It's fantastic. Yeah. Also, my, the thing that I really like about this scene is that during their speech, they give a caveat that like if they don't live up to it, then it's okay and they just like recommit. But they have if they know that none of these teenagers are going to do anything that they've talked about with it, because you know, as soon as they get their hormones going, they're going to fucking throw

that brain a fire. Right. But isn't that just an amazing, like, imagine that in any other commitment, right? Like, you know, like if you work that into your vows, and if I don't love only you, then I will try again. So what? To have and to hold probably, yeah, me too. No. Yeah. And okay.

So then Dariel gives her speech. They each go up there one at a time to talk about the importance of not fucking and then and Judy goes last You know she she's learned something important here today and We this like honestly the whole movie is worth it just for that weird little Singular band-aid they put on her face at the end that looks like a zipper little singular bandaid they put on her face at the end that looks like a zipper. She goes, sex does not bring lasting satisfaction. I so want Chippras that need to be standing off to the side going, lasting is not the line. It's just doesn't bring satisfaction. What are you talking about? Stop it. Don't add love. Yeah. I like your speech for a second though. She's like, yeah, so, you know, I've had a bunch

of sex like a bunch, like a bunch of sex. Yeah, this movie had just ended about two minutes later earlier, it would have been great. Yeah. All right. So now they've all had their big, I won't fuck speeches. Ariel explains how the purity ring works. So apparently you put it on your engagement finger until you get engaged and then you put it on your marriage finger until you get married and then you can finally fuck, I guess.

But we can't wrap up the movie yet because if you'll recall, Judy stole Sherry's flu earlierry's flute. Oh my god. I forgot both during the movie and now. And this is this is I love this. So goddamn much. They could have just had he's writing a goddamn movie. It's this fucking movie. He couldn't just had her say, Hey, I got you something and hand her the flute. But no, she says, remember when I stole your flute, I sold it, but you're a Christian now, so you have to forgive me. Boom, gotcha, right? Wow.

That's also teaching Christians like how to take advantage of their fellow Christian. Yeah. Like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yes. Get all this stuff in and then just do one of these ceremonies. You can do a bunch of shenanigans, a bunch of wacky pranks, a bunch of great fucking when you're apparently 13. Also, is that? I mean, I'm sure people are having sex 13. I was a giant nerd, not even close, but like this whole school is just fucking left and right at 13.

like this whole school is just fucking left and right at 13. This is what's in South Dakota. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Again. Right. Right. So of course, like the fat lady singing of the opera, the old woman wanting to fuck Donald James Parker hasn't quite shown up yet in this film. So they're at the end of the purity pledge. And Sherry turns and says, Hey, look, it's the band teacher. How odd that he would be here. And of course, they have to explain away his existence, right? So Duke's like, yes, I invited him for reasons that are meaningful to me.

And that's all that matters. I get 459 and over five. Nothing. He's here also. So yes, so they put their purity rings on and then Sherry's dad and the not fucking tutor, they show up because they want purity rings too so they can dedicate their re virginity to one another. Right. Which is weird because, okay, so there was a moment that I needed to watch a couple times because I didn't really believe she said it.

But Sherry, when she is talking with her dad on the bed or having that talk, she said that the sex teacher said that after a certain age, you can have sex. And I watched it twice because I was like, wait, is she saying that like, adults in the church can have sex? Yeah. And unless that's a moment of peanut butter mouth, she does say that.

But then at the end, these like two 50 year olds decide to also use the purity ring. And I was like, wait, but she's the one who said that so you adults can have sex. I don't know. So I just needed to point that out that technically by their own laws don't have to not fuck, but they're choosing to not fuck, which is just, you know, a great way to run away from being gay for both.

Yeah. Yeah. If this just ended again, the pan out to its Arkham asylum and like Donald James Parker is in it and Chip Rosetti's in it and like these two are just fucking and getting into peanut butter and yeah, there's no rules broken. Amazing ending. Yeah, but as speaking of Donald James Parker, we have to end with he walks up and he's like, hey, great job on, you know, committing to not having sex.

That's important. And just then Jean, the old neighbor lady comes up and she says, you're the guy that I've been obsessed with ever since high school and love with. My husband is dead and he goes, my wife is dead. We could not fuck too. So they go off to not fuck. And now that all of the named characters are paired up by gas. Oh, I'm sorry, I love this moment. This is so good.

Because this is what Chip Rosetti thinks is the resolution the teenage girl wants. Right? The dad comes up and he says, All right, well, I've just talked to your boyfriend and it's okay for the two of you to go on a date as long as me and Ariel, your youth group teacher, also go on the same date with you. And the teenage girl goes, hooray. It is a happy ending.

Yeah, it's happy. It's the last note I wrote down was, Vile family dynamic. That's all I feel about the whole, every family was violent. I believe you've'm sort of way. I believe you've set up a sequel with a title. There it is. I would watch two hours of file family dynamic of them just on these four some dates together. Oh my god. Oh, that's a nice chance.

Oh, my god. I'm looking for it's a nice. Yeah. The butt stuff does count. It turns out I looked it up. It does. Yeah. So and then and then of course the movie, and this is my last note, the movie ends on a big romantic fist bump between share and the rings on its ring. Yeah. Yeah. Ring bump. Yeah. We'll never touch. I don't know if that's even allowed. I feel like God was like, uh, gray area. No, so the rings touched, but the, but their, their fingers don't. So it's okay. Interesting.

No. All right. Well, that's the end of the movie. Okay. This is my big question to close it up. Of all the various terrible messages in this movie, which is the most damaging? That's such a hard question. D all of the above. Yeah. Good answer. They're all so bad, but I think something that he added, that he did not need, there was no reason to add it,

except that he really believes this, is that if you are a victim of rape, it is your fault. And incest. Incest and rape are your fault and it does damage your sexual purity. And it's true. Yeah. And which is, which is your value as a human. We don't need a masculine ceremony to deal with that.

Yeah. Right. He went out of his way to include those two caveats. It was just like, wow, man. Yeah. No, you know what? I'm 100% withats. It was just like, wow, man. Yeah, no, you know what, I'm 100% with you, and I just wanna reiterate, this is a movie that includes for no reason whatsoever

the message that you don't need that medicine from that hospital if you have enough Jesus, and that wasn't the most damaging message in the film. Yeah, man. Oh, wow, guys. Oh, Chippros, Eddie, my God, dude, like in this entire industry, there's no one as bad as you. Wait, like that, like, honestly, that you should be proud of that. I think this is probably the, the most transparent film that I've ever seen.

Yeah. Yeah. No, again, like, I, I, I don't agree with that only because I've seen other chimpanzee movies, but I've been going through his catalog It might not be the right word I All right, well, Megan I can't thank you enough for hanging out with us today. If our listeners want to hear more from you, where should they go? Yeah. So you, I, I am on Twitter. You can come say hi at Maggie May fish. It's just my name. They spelled M A E not the month way.

Oh, like fanning Mae. Government won't get you. That hell of a company. Absolutely. And yeah, you can see all my film analysis videos on YouTube channel, which is also my name, bagging my fish. Awesome. And if you don't want to remember all those various spellings of May, you can also just check the show notes for this episode.

And we will have both the Twitter and the YouTube LinkedIn. And surely I got to strongly recommend obviously our audience. I think we'll love your YouTube work on the Christian propaganda front. It's really funny stuff. Obviously like I said, we had dozens of listeners get with us and say, oh, you need to invite her on GAM after seeing it. So definitely check that out. This is so fun.

And this is, I honestly feel like you picked the perfect movie for me personally. And for the group, I don't know, I just really, I watched it twice. My partner made me watch it twice. So it's that, you know, hey, look at it. I said, if you love bad movies, yeah, this is as bad as it twice. So if that, you know, Hey, look at it. I said, if you love bad movies, yeah, this is as bad as it gets. Yeah, I'm with you. I honestly like I'm gonna be perfectly truthfully with you.

I was messaging Eli, the our other partner this year's one on the show. Tell him the whole time like, dude, I feel bad that of all the movies you missed, you missed this one. So yeah, no, it was a great one. All right, so that's gonna do it for our review of love weights, so that's going to do it for our review of love weights, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to renew our own contract. So tell us he's what's on.

The Boudac Saints and I'm so god I'm excited and Maggie, I'm really sorry that you don't get to watch that. That's the like opposite of how much fun we have. This is going to be, I'm so excited about this movie. I'm going to be defending it throughout. I love this movie. I'm aware that there are some flaws to be mentioned and I'm sure they will be mentioned by perhaps Eli and Noah, but I'm very excited. I also love that move. How great. Thank you. I'm camp Boondock. You are officially invited to help defend it with me. If you would like to, I'm sure you do not want to do this right away. All right. So yeah. So you know, that's the thing in order to get here to do this one. We had to promise to do fucking boondocks

ain't sound too weird. So I mean, all right. Well, that's gonna bring up a two thirty one to a merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to Maggie Mayfish for suffering alongside us today. Be sure to check out the show notes for links to some more of her stuff and perhaps even Huge with things so the patreon notice that helped make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a Per episode donation of patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earnably access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton Thank you for watching. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment. If you and P. Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot and

people with drafts on Mars. All the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen, right? Neelybosnik, I'm Noah Luzman, promised to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Chip Rosetti's movie catalog got named the opposite of a UNESCO World Heritage site.

If you see them, you're legally required to destroy them. That's the law. 75 people emailed us to point out that it was Augustine, not Aquinas. Oh, St. Augustine said... Yeah, it was Augustine. Brammy. Instead, yeah, it was too, it was August. It was so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, sorry, I forgot to say four. Yeah, no worries, no worries, one more time, one more time. Eli does that all the fucking time and we've done like 300 times with. Oh, thank God.

He said line sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. The line is four, five, he line. Four, five. All right, here we go. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.

But the proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.