God Awful Movies - 232: The Boondock Saints

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

On this week’s episode, we team up for a review of The Boondock Saints, a movie which many incorrect people think they like. --- Get great deals while supporting the show by checking out our sponsors: https://bouqs.com/offers/awful https://www.getquip.com/ https://www.butcherbox.com/ --- Come see God Awful Movies live in LA! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-la-tickets-86927786349 If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And that's when we get the line. I'm strangely comfortable with it in a terrible average accent, which is like famous. Like there was another amazing line in my memory. Like, you guys ruined this for me. Why would you make me watch this again? Why did they change it with all the things? Had great stuff. Don't worry. I'm sure there was a firefight. It's still going to be great. We're holding out for that was a fire Gonna be wonderful We will sing it together OOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Willum DeFoe know to answer your question? Willum DeFoe is an amazing actor amazing. I, you know, honestly, this is like if it hadn't been for this movie, I would be like, yes,

no brainer. Absolutely. You are correct, but I don't, I can't just, if the last performance I saw, I was this one. So, uh, you never stop acting. He acts so hard. He's such an acting actor. You can get you yeah, because you can tell you can always tell a great actor when you can see them acting every minute

there on the god damn. Really? Yes. When you really feel the acting exactly. Yeah. Like a juggler. You got to make it look hard. Otherwise they won't. Exactly. Exactly. My teeth hurt. He acted a lot. make it look hard otherwise they will. Exactly. My teeth hurt. He acted a lot. Willem DeFoe opens this movie by doing a pitch up for himself. Okay. Now this movie is the big trick.

So I want everyone to go absolutely crazy. All right. And of course, that was my bad friend who sits 900 miles to my northeast and has better intrinsic taste in films Eli Bosnick Eli How are you this fine afternoon sir? I go away for one week guys. Okay, all right. No fair, but look what happened last time I went away for one week Jesus Christ.

That's fair. No room to bite it. Well, you were gone. Well, you didn't come back to over the top no. All right, so tell us he's what will we be breaking down today? We watched the Boondocks Saints. It's the story of two Irish Catholic brothers getting told by God that they should become vigilante serial killers in Boston.

Plus, just a whole bunch of big stuff that they added since the last time I saw this movie. It's weird. It's crazy. I don't know. They did like, like, like George Lucas did with Star Wars. They went in to add it. They put in a lot. I see. They put in a lot. I don't know what, like somehow Bill Boer's innermonologue came to life as a movie and inserted it as like a director's cut without telling me. And he lied.

How bad was this movie? Real bad Noah. So bad. Oh yes. There's usually a different formula to that, but at a certain level of bad, we just have to say real real Everything I just said though, the there was a it's bad. Yeah, it's still No, I gotta do formula here we go formula well if you like this movie

You don't I know you think you do Believe us when we say you do not love this movie. So many people wrote to us when we announced this one and said, like, come on, this movie awful. And here's the thing, like, you know, it's worth for a really weird episode when I just take the DVD off my shelf and Heath writes his notes from memory. But I never, I didn't own this movie because I

liked it I own this movie because Heath was my roommate I wanted to have like all the movies everybody loved in my movie collection and everybody fucking loved Boom Docs Saints it was one of those movies everybody said oh you gotta watch Boom Docs Saints it's gonna be great right and sometimes when people say that hey you know what I had a watching memento or or fucking reservoir dog so yeah sure every said and then I watched it and I'm like, this is shit, and this is why I no longer listened to everybody. This movie is the work fucking reason I'm misentropic because people told me to watch this movie

and said I would enjoy it. Fuck them, it's bad. They, these people, they watched the original version that I'm talking about. Okay, that's something. I was telling Eli before the record, I feel so good, so vindicated by the 2010s 2010s right because that's when everybody realized that everything I said sucked in the 90s Did suck in the 90s?

Docs and Adam Sandler and shit I was on my own little fucking island back there everybody's like oh Adam Sandler's got a new movie I bet that'll be funny. I'm like what would make you think an Adam Sandler movie? What are you fucking funny? Boy, to a time he was ever fucking funny in his entire goddamn life. Most of that shit doesn't even really rhyme with Hanukkah. And now, suddenly, everybody pretends that they saw it the whole fucking time. He was one of the highest paid actors in fucking Hollywood. You guys did fucking not. Anyway, Sam.

But Marijuana Cuts. Anyway, Sam, but marijuana. Cause gin and talk is great word play. And now he's a seasoned comedian and you can find great stuff. I'm saying the catalog. So he'll tell you on I will admit that this is a religious enough movie to count for Graham. If you will admit that this is a terrible goddamn movie. Okay. It's through it. Either way, it's definitely a religious movie.

Literally, the plot is God is like murdered people. I'm God and they're like, yup, God. Yeah, that's true. No, I really yes. It's way more religious than I remembered it being. Yeah. It's definitely religious, but we don't need to make a deal about me admitting anything like done.

All right. But we don't need to make a deal about me admitting anything like done. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah. So I didn't know this. I learned this recently. I'm going to go with best worst backstory of the writer slash director, the guy who made

this thing. Troy Duffy. So Harvey Weinstein found Troy Duffy bartending in Los Angeles to facilitate his alcoholism redundant. He found him bartending and Troy Duffy somehow sells the script to Weinstein gets a huge budget from Miramax and even gets Weinstein to buy the bar for him and make him an owner. But then Troy Dovey starts showing up to Miramax meetings with execs and he's wearing like

vomit covered overalls that he was wearing at the bar an hour earlier and he's yelling at him and he loses the funding almost immediately. Yeah, apparently in a drunken fight with you and McGregor. Well, that also happened. Yeah. So he gets other producers to help him shoot it somehow, but he's still hot garbage as a human being. So a whole bunch of actors turned down including, yeah, you and McGregor.

They like, they went out drinking together. And you and McGregor is like, you know, I'll think about it, but I'm not really a fan of the death penalty. And Dr. Duffy just like screamed at his face until you and McGregor left and he never got to hire him. Yeah. But he finally gets a shot. And then he tries to sell it himself at the con festival. But that happens in June of 1999, literally a month after Columbine. So everybody's like, no, no, no, right. No. And so the best he could do, he ends up getting like a one week release in like six theaters. He makes no money. But then it gets a crazy cult following from DVD sales.

They go crazy, but Miramax had all the rights to the DVD sales in that deal. So Troy Duffy gets like nothing. So just to be clear, Harvey Weinstein ends up being the less offensive person in this business. That's the moral of Troy Duffy's story. Oh, yeah, there apparently there's a 2003 documentary all about I have not seen it, but I've heard good things about like just this guy falling the fuck apart. Yeah.

All right. So I was going to go with that. He does a little bit of a let down after he's great, big one and everything, but I've got a short one. Best worst fucking title, right? But the fuck does this movie have to do with the boom docs? It takes place in fucking Boston every scene well isn't Boston I mean Boston kind of like the boom docs of cities yeah and the guys are

from maybe like boondocks the Ireland I watched the sequel now come on okay no now we touched on this already a couple of times, but I was just gonna go with best worst recollection of this movie. So, like, we had a conversation about doing this movie a couple of months ago, and I remember I was like, oh, I liked that movie.

Like, oh, you saw that cut too. Yeah, and we all sat around and me and he's were like, no, I get it, like the angle on the review will be that me and he liked the movie. And you'll be the one who didn't like the movie. And I was maybe four minutes before I was maybe four minutes into this movie before I was like, guys, that angle where we like the movie. I would not like to be associated with liking this movie. Please. And look, if associated with liking this movie, please.

And look, if you do like this movie, you should not listen to this review of this movie. Stop the podcast and turn away, live in the sweet, sweet innocence you now hold, because believe me, you do not like this movie and you do not want to be the person who likes this movie. I promise you. It's so funny. Okay. I watched this movie for the very first time. I was in college. So a couple of years after it came out, I didn't see it right away. And this is one of the first times I hung out with college girlfriend. It was very exciting. It was one of the best days ever. She came

over. She introduced me to this movie. We smoked a bunch of pot. I guess that made this all possible. And maybe I'm not remembering the. No, so I was high in the 90s too. That's the thing. I was also high then. You can't blame the weed. So we watched this movie and it was great.

And like I've I loved it ever since until like, you know, now, but I'm thinking back like I think she might be a giant big it. Like I don't know. That's the only explanation. I don't think she has, I don't know. We make she made us dress up as ghosts every Halloween. I don't know. I don't know.

I didn't even make any sense because they had high holes and horses, ghosts don't write horses. So. All right, well, I'll tell you what, he's admitted way earlier than I thought he was going to, how horrible this fucking movie is. So it fucks up a few of my written transitions. So with no real transitions.

I love that. So ever back work with. It's a break, a brief break here. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the pew, pew, pew that is. Boom Doc Saints. And since that's where our first date was, I thought it might be a nice surprise for Anna.

What about you, Heath? What are you doing for Valentine's Day? Oh. As this ever happened to you, are you a giant pilot garbage on Valentine's Day? Okay. Do you swear that you're gonna get around to it? And then don't because the three minutes

it would take you to overjoy someone else's too much? Well, then you need books. What's books? Books is short for bouquets, B-O-U-Q-S. Not everyone prefers roses for Valentine's Day. The books co-lo has you covered with a variety of beautifully styled bouquets, sweet treats, plants, gifts, and succulents. Okay, but I'm sure if I just explained that the ecological effects of flower farming are

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and it wasn't just beautiful, it smelled amazing. Plus, I got to pretend I ordered it for Anna. Doesn't Anna listen to these shows? I mean, I ordered one for Anna with money. Is that what I gave the money? You nailed it. Look, we know our listeners. Half of you will hear this ad.

Remember you need to order flowers or guests with plenty of time and get 25% off your order from the books company by going to books.com slash awful with code awful. That's B-O-U-Q-S dot com slash awful. Yep. Totally going to do that. Good stuff. But more importantly, we also know the other half of you are Heath. Okay. And for those of you who are Heath, the books co is And then we can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one.

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We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. We can get a new one. Yeah, you can still get 25% off your order from the books go by going to books.com slash awful with code awful that's B O U Q S dot com slash awful or check the show notes. Cool. I'll probably just explain that Valentine's Day is a creation of greeting card companies to sell chocolates and flowers. Yeah.

No, that'll go. That's going to go great. Yeah, people love that. I'm going to explain. Sure. No, yeah, the economics. I'm gonna explain sure. Yeah, the economics a man will explain Okay, but mom I need my cell phone for work. I Can't just get my own plan because I told you I'm not liquid right now

Tattoo's are a business expense. Hello, it has the phone number on it. Fucking bitch. Dude, um, is there mom? Is there gonna be a mom? Yeah. Wow, she sounds like a real bitch. Oh, yes, super bitch.

Yeah, totally. We all call women bitches when we disagree with them, right? Yeah, bitch. Everyone, we do all of us involved within within writing of this movie. Anyway, welcome to the first ever writers meeting for the Boondock Saints. Why don't we just, we'll go around and introduce ourselves first. I'm Kyle and my favorite movie is boobs. Yeah. Yeah.

I, my name is Ryan and my favorite food is boobs I see I eat a callback Oh, that's hilarious. That's super funny. Okay, my name is Mike and my favorite boob's are Boob's oh Double it. Yeah, now they come in pairs. So here's what I'm thinking for our movie. Have you guys seen like, you like Scarface and the Godfather?

No. No. Too much talking. Right. Right. Yes, same here. Awesome. But do you guys have the posters on your wall? Fuck you, I do. It's the only thing resembling art I own. Nice, nice.

I want the movie to be like that. Wait, let me just clarify. You want to make a movie that is like owning a Scarface poster, but not having seen the film. Exactly. Awesome. This is going to be great. We're on the film. Exactly. Awesome. This is going to be great.

We're fantastic. Yeah, my Twitter avatar is the Joker. Mine too. Me three. Booms. It's the Joker with boobs. And we're back for the breakdown. We're going to open this movie up in a church.

And I open up with this realization. if a movie starts in a church, it's a gangster movie or a horror movie. If it ends in a church, it's a romcom or a Christian movie. I'm pretty sure that holds up. Is it a gangster Christian movie? It is. It is. Yeah.

But as much more a gangster movie than a Christian movie as we know because No Catholic church in the city of Boston with let them Here church dude were the Boston Catholic church and you tried off your poisonous. That is yeah Yeah, I was gonna say this movie is about people that hunt down pedophiles and murderers I got some bad news about the church they started in in. Yeah, right. Okay, so have simultaneously acquire a pre-stalking and an old Irish guy muttering about vengeance. It's like Thanksgiving at Heath's house. It's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, that's, that's pretty accurate. And by the way, let's just go ahead and explain the, the Irish guy that we're hearing in the background is Billy Connelly who is in this movie and he's going to be there like he's going to be their dad that doesn't

like spoil anything. And he's given him like the vigilante speech in their heads, but there's a little girl in the pew next to them who looks over at him like like she hears it. She's like, does anybody else hear that? Do you guys not hear what's happening? Like those guys are having like a super violent voice over from, I think Billy Connelly. He's Billy Connelly. He's from head of the class. These guys are definitely gonna murder some people. Nobody hears that. So and I should point out, okay, so like, the preacher is doing this thing, they go up and they kiss Jesus' feet

because Jesus had a foot thing. And I do manage the fucking preacher pulls me out for just a second by hitting on one of my trigger words or trigger names, I guess, in this case. Cause he's, the preacher starts talking about Kitty Geno VC, the Kitty Geno V-Man

Herb in a legend used to make neighbors distrust one another that this movie clearly thinks is real. Well, not just that, but Kitty Geno Vase is actually really interesting for the opposite reason that this movie and the people who like it think it's interesting, right? So like the whole thing is like, oh, this lady got stabbed to death and there were 38 witnesses who did nothing. And that's all totally made up even the New York Times who published that was like, yeah, no, we saw that on a yick

yack. So the reason she died actually is because New York City didn't have a 911 system at the time. And so when her neighbors scared off the killer, which they did and called the police, which they did and held her until she died like or the police arrived. Yeah. Yeah. Her neighbors were very neighborly in this instance. Yeah. All right. But when they did that, she was poor. So her neighborhood was given a low priority. So if you think about it, it's not about people listening to a lady get stabbed. It's about all of us listening

to America get stabbed. It's a very useful. All right. you know what I'm saying? Kitty, Genevase, the story's not working. Have you guys heard of Bernie Getz? That's another guy that will ask me, New York story. Jesus Christ. So yeah, the powders basically say, you know, but if only there were some assassin vigilantes

with, I don't know, some tattoos probably or something that would, that would really take care of business. So they walk out and this is where I first realized that this is where, due to place Darryl and the walking dead comes from, I had no, I didn't read this. Yeah. Yeah. Right. The guy from this and walking dead, the two things he did.

He's also in the sequel and the in production three. Cool. Yeah. In production for the last 37 fucking years. Yeah, that will be on any minute. They're putting a lot of work into it. It's like a, it's like a boys life. Yep. Troy Duffy and Richard Linklater are going to do it. Yeah. Two filmmakers. to do. Yeah. Two filmmakers. A lot of. All right, but the zombies are fucked. That's the important thing. And then we get some

jarringly Irish music as we open up on them showing up to work at a slaughterhouse. By the way, jarringly is an adjective. I'm going to be using a lot in my notes. Also jarring the Irish accents of these people. Oh, yeah. Rob, did they get worse since 1999 again? Like I feel like they added worse accents in. Yeah, they dubbed over the Lucky Charms mascot for 100. There's lines. So, so here's the thing that the Irish accents are so bad in this movie that when Billy Connelly shows up, he has a bad Irish accent.

He does. I was going to say. Really? I think he was like, he didn't wanna make those guys, no, he's like, well, I gotta do an impression of the thing that they're doing. So, I'll go for that. What do I, so glue kissy, I see, glue kissy. Sorry, sorry, we're here.

All right, so anyway, so we have to see that, like, they were at this slaughterhouse and they're always having some kind of meat shenanigans or another and everybody just really loves them there, right? Yeah. And that I think Keith will agree is where this scene ended until sometime when me and Heath were sitting at home, minding our own business. Someone had this weird scene about fighting a woman because she, yeah, right, because you made a joke about hitting women. Yeah, so we have this scene where there's this woman.

Okay, first of all, the whole rule of thumb thing, another urban legend bullshit, right? So he says, the way the scene plays out is he says, well, the rule of thumb around here is, and she goes, rule of thumb. Well, that's a legal rule that used to allow men to beat their wives if the implement wasn't wider than their thumb. That's also not true at all. It comes from measuring your, like, something with your fucking thumb, right? Like, fucking obviously you rule with your thumb.

That's what rule of thumb is. Anyway, so they're wrong about that, but it doesn't fucking matter. So then she gets mad because he says, well, I feel like you'd need a bigger implement than that. Yeah. Connor, Sean Patrick Flannery, one of the two brothers, Connor and Murphy are the two brothers. Are you just saying Irish names? Yeah.

And Connor is like, oh, we need a rule of the wrist and like, okay, relax, don't just. But like the jokes like, oh, because she's bigger, the actress who's playing this worker that they're talking to is a larger, was there's just one of those charming spousal abuse in Boston jokes? Yep. God. Which they added. Yep.

That ends with him punching a woman in the face. Well, she does kick him in the dick though and kind of win the fight. So that was nice, but still doesn't, but then he punches her in the fucking face. Yep. And then the CGI and the CGI added it. Yeah, they added it. They added it. good. We never technology also so they go home at a certain point and These two despite being gainfully employed live in unimaginable squalor and that makes I mean This is fucking Boston not moga D. She right? Yeah, I wanted them to like turn in their neighbor the count of Monte Cristo It's just like come on guys take care of you place Man in the iron mass down the hall is having a mixer and you're not invited. Jesus.

Yeah. Okay. So then we meet the character named David Delaraco played by the actor named David Delaraco. God, I love this. Factoid is everything you need to know about this movie. If someone like jumped out of the bushes and was like, quick, describe how bad that movie is, I'd be like, they had a guy named David Delaraco and they didn't bother to name his character anything else.

He'd be like, oh, you live another day, magazine. Yeah. Well, this is Troy Duffy's garbage friend from like Hartford, Connecticut. Yep. And he was like, you know, who's funny and tells amazing horribly racist slur jokes in the bar every night when I go to the bar every night? But buddy David Delaraco and he will get very confused if he's not named David Delaraco in this movie.

In my head, and I don't know that this is true, but in my head, there was a month and a half of shooting where his character was named Steve and he just stopped to 200 wasted takes later. They were like, fine, his name is David Delara. And when he gets introduced with his little title card, he's like a member of the mob, but he runs packages for them. Yeah. Are you technically in the mob if you run packet like is there Uber driver in the mob? Like how low down on the table? You are the you are the lowest level of mob.

But yeah, he's a numbers runner. So yeah. And okay, so him and the brothers are at the Irish bar, Irish and and we learn now from the sad, stuttering old Irish guy that he's going to have to close down the bar because the damn it them Russian gangsters are moving in on his territory. Yeah. And he has the speech impediment and that's a good 20 minutes of comedy material in the scene too. Certainly a good 20 minutes of material. Yes.

Yeah. Material. Yeah. We're just material. Yeah. They call him fuck ass because he has a cartoonishly ridiculous version of not Tourette's, but that's what they think this Tourette's is. And he says, yeah, fuck ass after stuff. So Rocco comes in and he's like, hey, fuck ass. Get me a beer. That was like, I was not like that. Pretty sure that was funny. 20 years. I don't know what happened. I don't. It was someone computer altered. My memory maybe heats as well. And I remember now quoting this line, but now I realized that was a computer and things. This guy, this guy, Doc, the bartender, the Irish

guy with the speech impediment. He's played by Gerard Parks, who is actually Irish from Dublin and he hates this so fucking much because he has to listen to these idiots do Irish accents in front of them. And he's like, oh, you're going to give my character a speech impediment and make fun of it while it's near fucking close dollars. Mangle this Irish accent like the fucking serial mascot. What is happening? Fuck you guys. It's see it in his eyes. Right. And like, this is he's a good actor. He's in fight for life. He was on Fragile Rock. He's in the gun. This is a guy who had been in movies. All right. So, but anyway, so the Russian gangsters show up and they're like, you know, we are Russians and we are here to close your bar down now. We are bad guys.

So they spill the Irish guys beers, which makes it serious except we cut away from that. We don't get to see what happened. Not yet. Anyway, right? Yeah, the scene cuts away so quick and so meanlessly and poorly shot that I literally had to make sure I hadn't accidentally like sat on the fast forward but no I remember that. That cuts too bad. No, that's in the movie. So okay, so now it's the next day. We're at the scene of the crime. This is where we're gonna meet Willem DeFoe. So he's the super FBI awesome cop. So super by the way that he shows up in slow motion while everyone else is moving in regular motion. Okay, but but the slow motion is too slow because whoever made

this movie doesn't know how to make movies. So it's like, and where every other movie would have been like, great. Now the scene starts as like, banana, no, like 30 feet from where it is to the scene. This is, oh, I thought by the time he got into the scene, he was going to say it's and start multi-pie thongs flying circus. Also, the scene he's walking into, lying circus. Also, the scene he's walking into, the cops just stand around loudly guessing how murders happen because that would explain a lot. That's what they do in the movie.

No, they absolutely do. And this, I mean, the guy you're talking about is Detective Green Lee. I'm assuming. Yep. Who is my absolute favorite? That's Bob Marley, by the way. Yeah. Bob Marley is the fucking actor's name. What? A Canadian comedian named Bob Marley, white guy who looks like it is Irish Boston guy in this movie. And he's my favorite though. His character is fantastic.

They work me in throughout his one of the, one of the few things I still enjoyed that I didn't get tricked by. And he's, everyone I went to high school with right now. He's perfect. Yeah. Well, okay. So what he's doing is he standing around trying to piece together what happened at this, at this scene, you know, and, and he's not doing a very good job at all. He's doing stick. Basically, he's very much doing stick. Yeah, he's, he just, he's like dead bodies on the ground with different bandages and he's like, so the fucking guy hits this guy. I don't know, drinking, it's drinking. It's, it's, it's, it's Boston. Somebody got drunk and hit this guy and then hit this guy and then will Willem Dafoe like pieces everything together like Sherlock

Holmes in two seconds. It's the best. Yeah. Well, but first he just the again, the one running plot of this movie that we will still enjoy is every time greenleaz wrong, Willem Dafoe makes him go get food or beverages for him. I cover this first time when he does it. He sends him out for a latte with a twist of lemon. Did they know what latte meant? They didn't. No, not possible. No, I put some lemon juice in my milk coffee beverage.

Yeah. No, this is definitely Troy Duffy. By the way, we're going to explain in a second that Willem DeFos character is a gay person and Troy Duffy is like, I don't know, gay, latte is like a gay coffee word, right? Yeah, yeah, or gay drink word. Yeah, yeah. Also, his, his character William, Willem Dafoe is agent Paul Smecker, which I just realized is super clever word play. It's small packer, switched your heads. Wow.

The spooner is him. Wow, it is. I guarantee you they got to smacker after five hours of cry fighting with the writer of the movie that he couldn't just name him small packer. All right, so we'll have to phone now is going to listen to fucking opera music on his dis command while he looks around and pieces this all together. It's, you know, just in case that fucking one song that Anna insists several different songs wasn't bad enough to listen to. The gay coding of Defoe's character in this movie is so bad. Oh my God.

So terrible. And I'm like, sorry gentlemen, I know you're getting a fight outside of this TGI Friday So if I could just break you up for a second and have you named four things you know about gay people. Yeah, I'm about I'm basing an entire character in a movie on literally whatever comes out of the Got it. Lodge them in opera opera Sure, opera's are gay. Say opera's are gay. Yep I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. the press about the cool vigilante zombie killers out there. Yeah. And his speech here is like, look, all right, these are not run of the mill criminals. They are just normal heroes. Okay, maybe they're angels. I'm going to call them angels. They're normal. Angel, awesome guys doing their best stood their ground. Troy Duffy,

they're Troy Duffy everybody. Yep. Well, and that's the thing. Okay. So like the only literally the only thing they know about this now is that someone killed some people. That's it. And they're all like, ah, that seems pretty heroic to kill people. So then, uh, Detective Greenley, of course, has to end the scene by going, well well I bet at the end of this scene They won't walk into the police department turn themselves in So now Willem Defoe takes them into a room to talk to him one on to I guess and this is where we finally go back and fill in What the fuck has happened in this movie up till now. Yeah. So we're going to put this momentum

as narrative together because if they didn't cut this movie together, like a nerd frantically picking up their books, this is just a movie about guys who got in a bar fight that ends in murder who then decide that's a great use of their time. It is four minutes long without the use of this. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. And the only thing that we really learn about this, we've heard our character speaking Gaelic earlier and now they're speaking Russian to the Russian guys, because apparently they speak all of the languages that there are. Yeah, they're polyglots, they're poor, slum living, meatpacked working, polyglot. Yep, yeah, exactly.

But we go back in time to like right after the Russian guys knocked their beer out of their his and we end up with this completely unchoreographed fight scene. Oh, yeah. Right. It's just jerking people. The most interesting moment of it is literally a slow motion bottle break. That's all they gave us. It's two bottles. They're.

Oh, okay. Yeah. No, one of them. Yeah. Right at the same time. They took out all the cool parts of the scene that me and Heath remembered before we watched and Of course in the end they they'd like the Russian guys ass on fire Okay, yeah, but again, you've got to imagine like there was a moment where they were like all right

Well, we've won this fight. We've had here in this bar You want a torture win of them. Yep seems like a weird change in tone for us Yeah, the light is asked on fire by pouring Hennessy on it You can't start a fire with Hennessy first of all, but no Why are they drinking cognac on St. P. So all right, then the next morning in this flashback, the Russian guys that they beat up the night before break in on them while they're waking up in their slum huffle.

And they're like mad that they didn't like lose and go home. They literally complain as they're dragging them away at gunpoint he's like this is against the rules of bar fights you're supposed to just fight and you know let us light you on fire and then go that is the rule yeah no apparently um so yeah so they cuff I have miss bro one and bro two throughout the whole fuck occasionally I'll call the one guy Darryl but other than that I don't I didn't realize they had names. Corner and Murphy. Other names. Okay, so I, but I don't know which one is which. So it doesn't matter. Okay, so they come, they come, Conor to the toilet and they take Murphy off to go kill him. Yeah. That is what they do. They nail it. Okay. All right. Yeah.

And this is where Conor then, I guess, rips the toilet off the floor with his Irish anger. Yeah, but not before he sits over the toilet screaming in rage for a solid 60 seconds. I wrote in my notes, and people want to watch someone scream and strain over a toilet. I've got a potential hundreds of hours of footage for this film, I'm just saying.

Also, like, there's no way, the easiest way around that is to pull the toilet. Like you could, there's going to be some shit around the bed. You just got to like pull out some, some maybe some piping and some tubes or something around the back. Or here's another good idea. This is the guy let you handcuff yourself. Why not just not do it correctly. Oh, it's against the rules of barfights, don't you? That is a code to a section B. It says if they call it a letter, my fire, but then you have to let you have to do like an honest, an honest handcuffing. I got to do the ass fire. It's in a section, subjection. Yep. Yeah. It's in the ass fire subset. If there is a puzzle that Troy Murphy can't solve, we will learn in this movie.

It is handcuffs. He has a real, real, real present. I don't really know if there's our record. But Connor pulls the toilet out of the floor while still handcuffed to it, as his brother's being taken downstairs. And his plan is, oh, you know what, I might as well now that I'm holding this toilet, use the toilet, right? Yeah, no, that makes sense. And he's thinking, I get, he must be thinking to himself,

hopefully these gangsters took my brother directly under our fire escape, because I'm going to carry this toilet out to the fire escape and drop it on their head. Otherwise, I'm just carrying a toilet. They better be right under or else this is dumb. All right. I'm pretty sure that he walked up to the roof. First, wasn't he on the roof at this point? He is on the roof.

Yeah. So he must have walked up a flight of stairs with that toilet while his brother's life is on the line, hoping that he can stay behind. No, I am definitely, I'm definitely nearly just counting down 2019. They'll probably shoot him at, yeah, I got this at eight, y'all, I'll get him a more. Yeah. So right before they shoot him, he drops the toilet on one gangster and then just leaps from at least six stories up, right? We've established they live on the fifth floor. So it's at least more than that just jumps directly onto the other bad guy using that bad guy to break his

fall. You see, because it matters what you fall on the, who the fuck is it's loony tuned rules. Whoever's on the bottom, it's the one that gets hurt. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, that makes sense. I mean, in fairness, these, these Russian guys are, they have the reflexes of Kupa Troopers, and you can land on them like Kupa Troopers safety laws. Okay, all right, that makes sense. And then, to be clear, they rob them and take their guns. Like, that's not a part of the saving your brother's life thing.

You kind of puts a damper on that moment, right? Because like, what this movie wants us to believe is like, oh, these two brothers kill for the first time just looking out for each other. And then they robbed the guys they killed. Yeah, right. Took all their shit. Don't waste the guns and money. Jesus. Also question on the ass bandage. So they lit his ass on fire. And in this scene, which is the day after that, he has a big visible ass bandage over his ass. Wouldn't you just wear full pants over the ass bandage after you have it put on? You would think.

Don't feel like you'd cut a hole into the ass of your pants to show off your ass bandage. No, I'll get some chaps. Yeah, no, it doesn't seem like it. But you know what, we're not Russian. So okay. And then the phone cuts in at this point to point out that speaking Russian is a really silly addition to the story. And that's when they reveal that they also speak Italian and French and Spanish, which it's great listening to these guys try to speak Italian and French. They manage to destroy every language they allegedly speak.

Also, this doesn't say anything up. It never matters. It never has any effect. Tori Duffy was just like, and you know what else? They speak all the languages. But yeah, right, right. Oh, and then of course the cops have to come in like, hey, the press is here and the press just loves these

righteous toilet smashing vigilante murderers. But so my question here is, why isn't the story in the press up to this point? Two men beaten to death in an alley, right? Why is everyone getting behind the, or conversely, why do Bostonians get behind that so much? You know, they're like, yes, finally, the deaths in alleys where they belong. What? Well, everything before spotlight, they just listed the race of whoever had been murdered and they waited in seed to see if there was like some super cool vigilante to take. Yeah, I got it. Okay. All right. Russian was a race back then. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And by the way, during this fucking scene, as he's questioning him, Nathan Lane

literally shows up with a handwritten note asking Willem to vote, a turn down the gay portrayal Okay. And by the way, during this fucking scene, as he's questioned him, Nathan Lane literally shows up with a handwritten note asking Willem DeFo to turn down the gay portrayal a bit. He's, oh, what, what acting choice did Willem DeFo make here? Like I get, he's not homophobia. Okay. Yes. That's, that's correct. I guess like he's not established as being directly a gay person yet, but he's definitely being like your friend's body mom, but but you're in middle school. So it's kind of scary. I don't know. Yeah. He's doing Elizabeth Taylor is the acting choice. So now they're gonna wake up in the prison where it's raining where they both just got a dream message from God. It was raining inside the police station, right?

I'm not crazy. It was. It was the dream, but they were awake, but then they're awake and it's not raining in the, yeah, yeah. But this is the part where God is like, I just came up with an idea for what we could fill the next two acts with. We really haven't set anything up yet. You guys should go just kill a bunch of people now. And they, they both do the like speed wake up thing at the same time and like exorcism posture, you know, with the back arched. And they look at each other because they're in, you know, twin beds next to each other

where they live in this jail right now. And one looks at the other, he's like, did God just tell you to start murdering people? Murdering people, yes. Excellent. Cool. All right. Let's work it out. Let's do that. Well, that is the plot. Yeah, okay. So they go out into the

because they were just spending the night at the prison so that the Russians wouldn't kill them. They weren't really a job. So they walk out the next morning. The cops are all such big fans of them for their Russian murdering and they they they show them they're like, hey, look man, the media is going crazy for you guys and your murders. They even gave this movie a title. They're calling you the boondocks, Saints, for reasons that apparently will be explained in the second one. Oh, how badly did you want them to be like, why, why do they call us the boondocks, Saints? It doesn't, it's not. I'm also making another moot. What? It's the press making a sequel? Maybe you've heard of Troy Duffy and his band that is now called the Boundox Saints.

They're pretty great. I don't know. That's a true thing. They were called the brood. Now they're the Boundox Saints. Yep. Yep. Exactly.

Check out Hartford Open mics if you want to. All right. Hartford open mics if you want to. All right, so and now it's time for us to meet the Italian mob boss that Rocko works for who will function as the movie's main character quite randomly on a certain and Ron Jeremy who is in this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And we're going to begin this scene. It ends worse than this, but we're going to begin this scene with him complaining that cancel culture has ruined being a mobster.

I was like, you can't tell anyone you're going to kill them these days. I'm telling you. Yeah, right. And so, you know, the Italian mob boss, Papa John or whatever the fuck his name is, no, actually, Papa John would be pretty appropriate given the way this scene is going to play out. So, yeah. Papa John is like, hey, you're a funny guy according to the movie. You want to bring this to a grinding halt until he racists joke to us. All right. So Harvey Weinstein and Troy Duffy walking to a bar.

And I love like, okay, so he's telling this terribly, terribly racist joke, but they have to establish he's the good guy in this situation. So whenever he says black guy, the gangsters correct him with the N word, right? They're like, no, you don't mean black guy you mean this Epitent and and he's like oh yeah, okay, okay, but he doesn't use that word because Because he's a good person. He's a good guy character that tells an incredibly Racist joke the punchline of which is simply wouldn't it be nice if there weren't black people But he says black people. So it's okay. Yep. Also, like the performance while delivering

this joke is this actor looking into the future, seeing how well this scene is going to play in the year 2020. I don't want to do this anymore. It makes a ton of sense. If you picture this guy watching this on YouTube and being asked by his grandchildren why this was a comedy. But you could have just not taken this job, right, Gramps? I am a Coke dealer in a Hartford bar and I'm quite certain this is, you know, kind of offensive. I don't want to say this. All right, so we're done with that. So it now is time for us to cut to the brothers buying guns. And apparently they went to the underground gun store that Boston has plenty of. And they gave this guy the take as much stuff as you want amount of money. Hmm, right? They just you get three handfuls of gunners. I have a much you can get.

Yeah. Yeah, they just show him paying with all the stuff they stole from those Russian guys and then the guy goes, yeah, take whatever you want. That's a bad system you have. There's a terrible business. I like the theming, but uh, yeah, no, great. Your displays are very nice. You're underground guns.

Yeah, including rope, which they take. Again, you know, if you're getting handfuls of guns by the handful, that's the policy. Grab all guns and like by rope at home depot or whatever, you know, you can get rope pretty much anywhere. Yeah. Or actually, I should say, you can get rope pretty much anywhere. Yeah. Or actually, I should say, uh, rope is how they say it was. We some rope. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We spend an awful lot of time talking about the rope. Don't worry. That's going to matter later. So now that our heroes are armed up, I guess they can run off and righteously murder the people that their voices in their head told them to kill. So I'm gonna pause for a quick handle, Jesus, but when we come back, we'll break down even more.

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good habits company by the way your beard is on fire naturally on fire yep and we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroes, they were getting guns and rope to go kill people. Yeah, they just walking through Boston with matching vigilante outfits and giant matching gunbags. Right. Yeah, exactly. Walk right into a fancy hotel. Yeah. I wanted the bell hop to be like, Hey, can I bring your gunbags to the back guys Guys room for you. That way you're going very clearly. And of course we're going to interspersed the so like they all they go off to kill the guys, but then we cut to Willem Defoe getting the call about them having killed the guys. And he had sex with a guy, which is comedy. Yeah, right.

No, yeah, exactly. And he he calls him names for being gay. Yeah, right. No, yeah, exactly. And he calls him names. That's for being gay. Yeah. They added this. Me and Heath didn't like it before they added this. I guess I guess wearing it. When me and Heath saw it, he was wearing a business suit and his partner comes in and they picked out flowers for the marriage that they deserve to have together. They deserve pleasant. That's what me and Heath saw. And then they changed it when they made the new ghost ghost busters. They changed. All right. So, but okay, he shows up at the scene of yet another mass murder. And he says, Hey, Greenley, how many people are dead? And he says,

eight, no, fuck, it's nine. And he's like, yep, now you have to go get coffee. Now, again, the idea here is supposed to be that Greenlee is not very observant and didn't notice things correctly and Willem Dafoe's character did. But, but he didn't notice how many be could count to nine is what you landed on for that? Why? Because you're a goddamn idiot trying to write a movie where a smart person is smarter than anyone at all. Yeah, Droid Duffy ran out of clever things and his brain and he was like, all right, here's one that always fools me bottom of the barrel. The difference between eight and nine. You know what's always happening to me? Gay people showing me up about counting up to nine.

This is constant in my life. There we go. Cause it's it's so close to 10. You're so excited to use that second digit. I think I think this will be a great part of my movie. So yeah, there's a Willem Defeu is there. He's he's talking shit being an asshole to everyone because otherwise something in this movie would be pleasant to experience. I don't. Oh, come on him. Will him to foe in this scene? He gets up on that ledge of the sunken living room of this hotel suite. And he like he literally

river dances at one point. He's like he will not stop chewing the scenery so hard in this movie. And it's fantastic. This is one of my favorite parts where he's walking along the ledge. And they're like, Hey, can you just fucking step down from the weird ledge while you give the lecture? This is ridiculous.

Yeah. No, see, I agreed with you right up until you started to like, you, you described it exactly perfectly. And then you said, and it's fantastic or some such nonsense. It's going up until there's salts and back flips for. Oh, it's so, it's so goddamn bad. And then again, like he has to do this smart guy thing. And he's like, okay, well, this guy was shot with two guns in the back of the head. So there must have been two shooters because you wouldn't use two guns. You wouldn't cock your arms up.

But you would, right? Like that's the only way that you physically could shoot someone. Like it would be so hard to lock your elbows and do this. Like the whole movie rests on his Sherlockian deduction, but none of it even adds up. Yeah, and like, it's not Sherlockian, it's just random. And I know that this is like a movie trope, the idea of like no one holds a gun like this.

But I swear there's a generation of manheats who think that like if we just hold a gun upside down and pull the trigger with our pinky, we would commit the perfect. I don't know what we're going on. They'd be looking for spider man. Like an octopus. Kill these guys. I don't know.

Well, it's definitely not. He's the knee. I'll tell you that right now. I'm going to check the aquariums. They're right side up. And can't miss these aquariums. If they're right, side up. I'm gonna check the aquariums. All right, so now, okay, so now we're gonna flash back to the murders, right?

We're gonna show what really happened. And we cut to these guys like, I guess they crawled through an air shaft, a la Bruce Willis. Yep. And also, okay, so the main guy that they're trying to kill is a fat character. Thank you.

Yes. His costume, his costume is high school plays level bit. Like the pillow is sticking out of his shirt and shifted to the wrong side of his body to be girth. It could save. It could have just cast a fat guy or barring that made this character not fat. You're talking about the Russian mobster guy? Yeah. That guy or barring that made this character not fat. You're talking about the Russian mobster guy.

Yeah. He looked like George Washington in a suit, which was completely. It was really fucking weird. You remember in Glee when Al Pacino walks in, nine tenths of the movie through and shoots someone in the head. You know how that wasn't too ridiculous?

That's what this cost him is. All right. So yes, so we see him and he's yelling at us how that wasn't too ridiculous. That's what this cost to miss. All right. So yes, so we see him and he's yelling at his underlings. And then we cut back to the brothers who are in the air ducts, having an air duct fight. And wouldn't you know what, they fall through the ceiling right over the room that they were supposed to be in. And so they just shoot everyone in the room, because they're pretty sure that you wouldn't be in a room with Russian mobster if you weren't also a bad guy. They're the coolest. They dangle shoot people.

And by the right, yes, it cuts immediately from this scene to Willem to foe literally saying that's bad TV or a bad movie. Yep. If you will. Yep. Yeah, he realizes that this is just like something that would happen in a shitty movie made by a guy who wasn't trying very hard. Which means that at some point he said that line and Duffy, the guy who wrote it was like classic self-aware or not, because it's great.

What? Well, it cuts straight from William DeFosan, like this is absurd. It's like TV to Connor and Murph being like, that was fucking great. Like TV, like a movie, like a really good movie. We are in a good movie. Well, actually, they kind of go the other way with that because they're like, yeah, in the movies, this is much harder is there's a lot easier. So they actually literally have a conversation at the end of this action sequence where the

two characters in the movie are aware that in a movie this should have been more interesting. Really would have thought we'd have gotten more out of that, don't you? How long is the movie now? Are we, uh, uh, and then in one of the more confusing turns in the movie, after everybody's already dead. We're back in the doing the crime timeline now. Rocco shows up also to kill all those same bad guys. Right? Yeah. So did he get promoted from like guy who brings a sandwich to the big boss to now elite hitman? Is that yep? Yep. Off camera. That happened like yeah, they were like that racist joke was amazing lots of good slurs You get to murder a room full of gangsters now you tell jokes like a man who can murder let me tell you Yeah, and okay, so he comes in and of course think the brothers are still wearing their schemas So they decided they're gonna fuck with them

And of course, the brothers are still wearing their ski masks, so they decided they're going to fuck with them. Because, you know, it's kind of funny, like, to see your friend cry like a little baby when you credibly convince him that you're going to shoot him in the face. Kill him. It's just classic Frank. Jesus. And then he stands around yelling fuck like as though the writers of this movie believed that if he said fuck enough times, it would automatically get elevated to funny. You know what never mind that's I'm sorry that is our corporate statement. I apologize

for being light of it. I will say now at so many times in my notes I have written, God I hope this isn't why people think we're funny. What if this is what people think we're funny? Turns out Duffy's a huge fan. I thought you guys would get it. Uh-oh. So. So meanwhile, okay, so we cut back to Wilm DeFoe and the cops like. Fucking William DeFoe with the fucking cops and a fucking crime scene. Fuck.

Fucking boobs. He goes. He turns to all the other cops and he goes, you know, there are much bigger uh, stakes to these two murders, though there were those last murders in case anybody was curious. We have escalated now to a much higher level, but stakes, but there's not. Nope. Same goddamn thing. He sets up a more interesting movie and then the movie rejects it. He's like a turf war between the Russian and Italian mobs and they're like, or or or two Irish guys kill people at their whim for another 40 minutes. Yeah, he tells like he gives them like an economics lesson. He uses the word glass nose at one point. Apparently

glass nose. Part of that was deregulating the mafia sector. Yeah. And also like Reagan's tax cuts meant a great opportunity for the Russian mob here in the States to not pay as much taxes on their cash illegal job. I don't know. But gangster earnings, yeah. And then we have a, the scene where like, Rocco and the brothers are sitting around like, trying to make a list of people they should kill. Right.

But more importantly, trying to justify this movie. Yeah. Right. This whole scene is just them being like, I think it could be fucking awesome if you just went around and shoot people. That's a movie. Yeah, that's a movie.

It's absolutely a movie. Right. Well, and there's a disturbing amount of, but you should do it in real life, though. Like look right over at the camera and say like, yeah, but really it would be great if somebody really did this though. Huh. Yeah. Also a bunch of like signaling that he would like them to kill people of color. Right.

He never says like, go out and kill people of color. But he's like, so you're saying these gangsters with their baggy pants and backwards cat, the fight against was coming to them. Yeah, right. Right. No, just like the rules at the night clubs at my college town didn't actually say no black people in this one. Exactly. Yeah. So they substitute it for the, they were like, yeah, it's time to do something about the blacks, you know, like the Italian and Russian mob, I guess. Yeah. So, okay.

And then, so they have this scene where they're all sitting around going like, yeah, drug dealers should be murdered by vigilantes. This is the premise of this movie. It would be like broken windows policing, except we'd murder murder them at the end instead of just put them in prison. So broken windows policing is a guess what I said. Well, there's a moment here where Rocco stops, I mean, he's like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. We're not just talking about violent criminals, right?

We're also going to talk about perpetrators, evictivists, crimes like drug dealers and men who facilitate prostitution. We're going to kill those people too, right? And they're like, yeah, oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, you didn't have to add that. Also, the makers of this movie should not be anti drug dealer. You are 14% drugs, sir. Oh, every scene in this movie is clearly a Coke party for these degenerate actors who

know Troy Duffy with the cocaine just off camera and every other sloppy thing on a table and a gross Coke party is there. That's like half the scenes. Yeah. And then they have the hilarious scene where they accidentally shoot the cat because otherwise I there would there would have been a level of hatred for this movie that I could achieve that I had not yet achieved. So they killed just adding it. Taking off all the Noah's boxes. Okay, we got him sitting up straight. They kill a cat.

All right, can we get Adam Sandler as a guest? No, we can. But we found someone who's just as funny as him to be called funny, man. Great. That's perfect. Can we get Jennifer Hudson to sing memory? Not all right. Well, I have to be it's genuinely scary to me how little I remembered about this movie had I been interviewed publicly on the record two weeks ago about this movie out of me like, boom, doxie just fucking great. So I'm afraid of other things that I haven't seen in 10 years. Yeah, you know, I started having that feeling too When I saw you guys just notes on this I'm like, Oh God, what do I think is good?

That's really fucking bad. I'm gonna delete my entire Twitter just to be safe. I don't know Yeah, just to be on the same side. I will never like another thing Be be real with me. Just Barney advocate a race war So I remember him just doing that test of the five senses thing, but maybe he's stuck it in there after the orange soda. I don't know. I don't know. All right.

So and then we shift gears here a little bit. We have the got that cat scene and so abruptly I thought there was going to be a commercial break in it into DVD. But then we come back and the non-darel brother realizes that Rocco was getting set up the other day when they said like, this movie just like tries to have a retroactive plot now. Yeah, this movie pitches plots for itself in itself. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, like the reason they do this is because they're gonna switch over from killing Russian mobsters to Italian mobsters The only reason I can assume that this happens is because they ran out of quote unquote Russian mobsters and they were like We we have Ron Jeremy and that other guy We could put different shirts on some of the extras from the Russian mobster scene and have them do different accents. The ones then we'd have another 10 minutes of movie. All right, so yeah, but they're trying to convince Rocco of this. He's not buying this. They set him up to be killed.

He's still pretty sure that his gangster buddies are good people. Yeah, they love him. It's unclear, but he's not though, right? Because then he goes, then he goes and kills them. Okay. So sometime later, the brothers are hanging out apparently at Rocco's girlfriends place. And then his girlfriend shows up and she's a drug addict, which is funny, I guess. That's what humor. She's a noisy Dame. You know, noisy. Dames, they added this to they added this scene with the siege. Yeah, good. Glad to hear that this wasn't in the version that you guys liked. No, definitely not. None of the things that happened with this character

were in me and Heath's version to be clear ever. Yeah. So so Rocco bursts into the fucking room and he's like, he's like, Hey like hey guys There was another action sequence that we're gonna fill the blanks in on later But right now we need to get the fuck out of here but not before I You know fucking jump into a goddamn phone booth and turn into super misogynist for a bit and yell at this female character that we haven't met about what a bitch She is yep, and what a slut her friend is. Yep. Also, why does he pack an iron when he's frantically packing?

These are great questions, great questions. That one actually gets answered later in the movie, but yeah. What was the point of this scene? Like, yeah, real talk. What was this scene when we watched it? Right? We're better now. We're better movie. Okay wasn't in the movie never mind We're sticking to our guns. I agree classic comedy. Okay, so he stands there pointing a gun at some chick Who's whose house he lives in who's apartment? He lives in right? So he's the deadbeat boyfriend here

pointing a gun at this woman after having killed her cat This is in explanation of why her fucking cat is dead, right? And I wrote my notes at this point, like I want every character in this movie to get killed except the foe. And it's not that I like the foe. He just, his character hasn't done anything worthy of getting murdered. So I just want him to get really bad splinters several times or something. So now it's time for us to flash back to Rocco's action scene where he killed a bunch of gangsters too. Yep. So he walks into a fucking diner and slow motion again because you have to put some shit in slow motion otherwise the movie is an

hour and ten minutes long and we notice that nothing happened in it. Mm-hmm. She's the fucking, the lyrics to the goddamn song they're playing in this scene are literally somebody saying something's happening here. Ha ha ha. Go back, watch this fucking, as if to assure me this and I believe by the way that we're listening to Troy Duffy's band at this moment. Yeah, this was not below Springfield. No, this is. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, During this scene, I grew a new No, this is. Yeah, exactly. Formerly the brewed. During this scene, I grew a new theory, which is that this movie was like everyone working on it who has talent or taste thought that it was going to turn out to be one of those like mob cautionary tales, like good fellows or scar face and Troy Duffy just never shot the moments of awareness where it's a cautionary tale. That's where it turns out that any of this was a bad idea.

Yeah. But yeah, so we watch Rocco shoot some people in a diner because they set them up, I guess. Yep. I don't fucking know. But yes, and then that we have the scene where they're all sitting in a car together going like, well, we could just You know kill more people in the third act and the other guy's like yeah, okay They might as well go so what do you guys want to do for the rest of the movie?

Well, this is where Rocco is like all right,, so like, who do we kill next? Cause that's what we're doing now, right? Yeah. And Connor's like, we didn't, we didn't really have a system. Kinda thought God was gonna like check Mark in. Oh, he has not. I'm gonna get like a list or something. Never.

Yeah, and one that Rocco says, oh, that's great. I know a lot of bad guys. We could kill everyone I know, but not me. I am not a bad guy. I know all the bad guys and I worked for and with them. Yeah, don't think about it too much. We'll just kill all the people I know. Jesus.

And that's when we get the line. I'm strangely comfortable with it in a terrible Irish accent, which is like famous. Like there was another amazing line in a terrible average accent, which is like famous today. There was another amazing line in my memory, like, you guys ruined this for me. Why would you make me watch this again? Why did they, they changed it with all the things, had great stuff. Don't worry, I'm sure there was a firefighter still going to be great. We're holding up for that.

That was a fire. That is locked in forever. That will be going to be wonderful. I'm sorry. We will That is locked in forever. That will be gonna be wonderful. It's by far the first thing in together in harmony. Thank you. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, apparently he has some issues to deal with.

So we're going to pause for another break. But first, let me give Axe three the hard. So did this movie think the 90s weren't imprisoning enough people? Why does so many drug dealers accept drug dealer as the default movie bad guy deserving of death We're you a drug dealer when you first fell in love with this movie heath Find out the answers to one of these questions or fewer will be reserved for yet more homicidal conclusion of Boom Docsates He was also a lunch lady

I was. Ha! Ha! Loo, lo, lo, doin' noah stuff. Noah stuff is my favorite stuff. Hey, Noah, what you doin'? Bryce Blank and I go, what are you doin' here, man? Usually Eli would walk in to start this sketch.

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I didn't say that. Pretty sure you said you liked it. I did not. Hey guys, what's going on? Eli is falsely accusing me of having like this movie at one point. You totally said you liked this movie. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that too. Um, you know, there's all the sexism and the racism and the homophobia. There's no way I like this movie. Absolutely not. Okay. Heath, I just ran a control F of your Facebook. You call

this movie awesome sauce 33 times. As, um I've probably got hacked. Okay, there's a bunch of photos in an album titled Boondock Sates themed birthday. Do you are definitely an adult in these pictures? It's deep fakes. If you guys know about that, that term deep fakes is a lot more common than you think. They deep fake the birthday. Okay, but your first line in our notes for this episode is, man, I love this movie. I've always loved it and I always will. Just, you wrote that. It look heath. A lot of us grew up liking problematic things or problematic people.

That's why there were so goddamn many of them. It can be upsetting to revisit how much we like something that, looking back now, is clearly harmful, but you move on. You work to be better and you acknowledge that the reason we were allowed to like those things is because it was easy for us to ignore racism, sexism, and homophobia when it didn't affect us. It doesn't make you a bad person to have liked this movie, but it does offer you a chance to be better now. Okay, or I could start a YouTube channel

and slowly turn into a Nazi. Or that, yeah. That is an option. Or quickly. So here's the thing about the Jewish question, right? Yep. And we're back for still more of this shit. When we last left off, our heroes were deciding to kill someone, odd numbered scene.

And now it's time for them to kill that person, but splice together with Willem Dafoe, piecing it together, even numbered scene. Now, this time we're going to be killing Ron Jeremy, Jesus Christ, this, every scene of this movie is like you're playing Clu, right? With this time, we're going to go Ron Jeremy at the strip club with the gun. With the rope. Yeah. But of course, first we have to get like rock, oh, masking incorrectly. That's pretty silly. He didn't do the cut outs of his ski mask correctly.

Can you buy ski masks without going on a watch list? I feel like that nobody's just like buying black ski masks for skiing, are they? Nope, nobody. Also, are we supposed to believe that this Rocco character bought a ski mask and then cut eye holes around the eye holes? So we would do, are you cutting holes in the back of the it already has them. What are you doing? You got them.

All right. That would actually be pretty fucking funny if he turned around and his hair sticking out of eye holes and it's really bad. But again, this movie that would take way more clever than this movie has. Yeah, I was going to say way too good. And they make the reference to fat Albert here, right? They're like, you look like fuckingushmouth, which is wrong actually. He looks like Donald who has the hat over his face.

Okay, yep, yep, yep. And then the Connor says, you sure you're going to be OB KB, which I'm pretty sure that's a Bill Cosby reference. And Bill Cosby reference aged better than most of the other. And we should point out this movie grinds to a halt for these jokes, right? Oh, yes, it's just everyone stops and he's like, are you sure you're going to get ready? Here comes the joke. Oh, slightly better pacing than the racist one at the beginning, but only a little. Like this movie is cut.

It's that kid in school that would turn to you and say, check this out. I'm going to say something funny before saying something funny, right? That's this goddamn way. That's that's who wrote this fucking movie. That guy, he eventually got out of fucking elementary school. It took a while, but then he made this goddamn movie. So yeah, so they kill Roger and oh, also, by the way, I learned this reading to the fucking IMDB trivia. The other two guys that they

kill in this scene, the two random people that just happen to be a strip club who they shoot, there are cut scenes where we introduce who these two characters are. Oh, they're just like other bad guys. Yeah, there are other bad guys. There's a scene in the hospital where they see the one guy beat this wife or something and then there's the other guy is a drug dealer that they saw outside the club, but all of that shit gets sht gets cut. So we're just like, yeah, Roger. He's getting shot for being a gangster and these other two are getting shot for master baiting. I don't know. We're doing the right thing. It's very clear now everybody watching this movie that this is the good message. We're

doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah, sure. watching this movie that this is the good message. We're doing the right thing. Yeah, yeah, sure. And holy fuck, again, you know, this movie is relying on, you know, what it seems to think our action sequences, but we just watch forever as these guys spin around shooting at mirror or at windows. It's like paintball with a douchebag the movie. Yep, right.

They might as well just be doing dive rolls. They might as well just be doing dive rolls back and forth unnecessarily. Yeah, right, right. Why are you doing the military crawl? There's really no reason for that. You're not going to stop that. If Dwight Shrewt became an insult, he would write this movie. She's just.

And so, and then of course we've got this is intercut with Willem DeFoe, piece in it all together. And he's angry because he learns at this point that three guys got killed at that diner and they didn't call him in on that one and he didn't get to like dooshily flutter about the coffee shop as well. Well, I love he's like, uh, that's relevant. Just that why all murders are going to be relevant to this murder trail that we're following. Just let me know about all the murders that happened in the city for the next week. Yeah. Tell you what, if you guys tell me about all the murders, I will stand at a reasonable distance when I talk to you. Is that it? We do. We'll end the phone. The actor. Yeah.

All right. So meanwhile, Sally McBride with Channel 22 is starting to get into this whole murder thing, right? Right? So yeah, murdering bad guys is going great today in Boston. Oh, I was thinking, okay, who wants to start a Lynch mob? Yeah. You know, just at Salimichrod, I'm Salimichrod. Right. It was at this point that it occurred to me, this is like what would happen to a superhero movie if you took away the superpowers and the heroism. Jesus. All right, so we get some more, but now we're at the fucking coffee shop. We get some more lazily written hacks Sherlock Holmes bullshit from Willem DeFoe. Yeah, yeah.

And I was super distracted during this scene because right behind him is the list of fresh juices that this bar sold. Yeah, this was actually shot in Toronto. So it's just like this nice happy bar with like juice. Yeah. It was supposed to be up. But again, like we saw the guy who ran this bar and the mobsters that inhabited it. So I love the idea of a scene we missed that way that where they were like, Tony, come here, come here. What's it going to take to get

a papaya juice around you? A mango strawberry banana smoothie. I could be pollen. You guys got be pollen. Oh, is it pronounced as IE? I was always saying a cut. We germ. Okay. So now that we cut over to current mob boss, right, Joe Papa John's. And Papa John is going to the old retired mob boss because he needs a super assassin. Now keep in mind, he hasn't tried a regular assassin yet. Right? He goes straight to the like super assassin that has to be broken out of prison that the other like mobster is like, oh, you know, be careful working with him. He's a monster. But it's like, we haven't, it seems like we could have just gone with regular strength

before extra strength is all I'm saying. I go straight to the force push. If you've got a magical murder, murderer, murder. Okay. Yeah. That's true. That's fusing. Finally, a movie does that and I give him shit for it.

No, you're right. So this is where we meet Billy Connellese character super assassin, Il Duce. Yeah. And he looks like desert island Sean Connery. It is not what they were hoping for. Yeah, you know, it's hard to make Billy Connery look intimidating. So they didn't bother to try. Why would you even try?

It's not going to happen. He looks like Billy fucking Connery. He looks like somebody that you kind of want to hug. You do. You really do. I read that they actually Billy Connery got so excited about being kind of like badass in this movie all the time that they had to give him a cigar at all moments. Yes.

So he wouldn't beam smile throughout every scene where he's supposed to be bad. So they had to put a scar in his mouth. But this is where they like pull him out of jail like Hannibal Lecter like it's a whole thing. Yeah. And they they roll him on a dolly. Why would you be rolling him on a dolly? What, what was that preventive? I told the security. You see? Well, I guess they figured, you know, the bite mask was scary or something bigger. Must mean you're

even more badass. I don't know. His feet His feet weren't in shock. He could have been walking. And they were just like, oh, roll them though. Cause then, you know, he'll, if he tries to run, he'll slip like a cartoon. I don't know what the hell. He'll have to skateboard an old man can't skateboard. So I'm good. All right. So me. No. So meanwhile, Rocco has an idea who they can kill next, which is not the first time that the plot of this movie has moved forward because one character just turns to another character and says, you know what we can do in the next few scenes, right? Wow. This is, I'm going to admit, this next one,, this next scene totally unmotivated, but I know

a murdering murder guy who can sure murder. Yes. Now it's time for him to introduce silly oversized trench coat guy that they need to kill on, on, on numbered scene. Yeah. Well, what's, what's crazy is he's introduced as like this ruthless assassin who has a poker game. Well, but okay, but here's the thing we're supposed to believe that if you go to this poker game, you are necessarily also evil, right?

They go in and kill everyone at this fucking poker game. So no matter what, if you go to a poker game with a murderer, you are a killer by proxy. I think it's just like a pizza guy in there like, no, no. Okay. Can I just before you do the gunfight, Prince Andrews in there, I am too honorable. I was breaking up with him. I was coming over here to tell him I could be a dead poker game. So. Also, when we introduce this guy, the trench coat guy, he like silently murders a whole fucking family and then he's just

to be like, yep, we are morally correct about everything we're doing in this movie. Yeah. And then he takes Rocco, this is a flashback to Rocco meeting this crazy cold guy. He takes Rocco with them to like then burn that entire family in a dumpster, all their corpses. Yeah. And so he lights the dumpster on fire and they just like stand there watching it for a while and like you rock.

I was like, all right, so we just watch. We watched the corpse fire till it's out or like right now talking sorry. Okay. Yeah. Oh, we still well, sorry, sorry, sorry. Can I get in on your poker game? All right. So now at this point, I guess even this boring ass fucking movie realized they've gone

back to the well on the forensically reconstructed the crime scene and then go back and do the crime thing. So now at this point, this is where they're trying to reconstruct the kill the trench coat guy and Willem DeFoe is just going to walk through the action scene saying what happened and shit. Yes. And in between sentences, Willem DeFoe somehow goes on a three day bender. He comes in dribbling and then like shot to shot, he suddenly untocked and scraggly with a seven day beard. Yes. My my pet theory about

this movie in this moment became that Willem DeFoe knew how fucking awful this script was and was like, okay, I'm going to do this movie as it deserves to be done. That's my performance. Yeah. Right. No, that's a great way to describe the performance. Sure. Or he actually hung out with Troy Duffy in real life. Yeah. All right. So yeah. So they go in, they kill everybody at this poker game, but trench coat guy was taking a shit during the massacre. So they didn't get him. Unfortunately, none of the three of them are smart enough to realize that the various doors in that room lead to a whole different rooms with other people potentially. But

don't worry, they they rock. Oh, beats the guy to death with a cue ball eventually and that's that beat some to death with a cue ball because the two brothers, they are like struggling and the two brothers don't intervene. They're just like, uh, no, just let this play out. We'll see what happens. Yeah. Yeah. We'll find out if God's on our side or not. He is. All right. But then just when they thought this action sequence was over, you'll do. Jay is in the movie too. Now this is the part that apparently he really does it in intent to defend. This is the there was a fire fight moments. I'm sorry, Noah. There was a fire. Is the line? Yeah. Yeah. Does not hold up. Oh, this is amazing. And will him to fo is will him to fo is conducting the movie like a Maestro at this point,

and it is so fucking beautiful. Like he needs to be a guest Maestro at the like the Boston pops to do this soundtrack. So like I would go see that. He is amazing in this moment. Now keep be honest with me, because I know I have this experience. I definitely remembered this firefight, not being everyone in the movie standing a foot in a half from each other, firing infinite amounts of bullets with stormtrooper like accuracy. That is another deleted. That is the whole fucking scene.

This is the slice in some Star Wars after 1999 clearly. This was the goddamn pinnacle action sequence of the movie. And it's just three guys shooting at one guy and one guy shooting at the other three. No one takes any cover. No one moves in any. Okay. To be fair, to be fair, Willem Dafoe firing a gun into the sky for no reason was the greatest thing in movie. Like it's so good. He's kind of in the scene, kind of not because they haven't decided. And at one point, he just gets down on one knee, like iron man, like he just landed and then fires the gun that he clearly snuck into

this scene and just fires it into the air. And then we have to keep it. I don't know. Oh, it was gratuitously stupid. So it's so incredibly stupid., it's rare that something this mainstream manages to be this stupid and stayed in our hearts and minds for this long. You could have put a gun to my head and been like, describe the ill-duty shootout. And I would have been like, oh, it's really awesome. I'll tell you what it's not that seen from the office where everyone doesn't Mexican stand off and dies, but serious. He's definitely not that.

I'll tell you, tell you right now. It would have been so good if right after the faux shoots into the air, they just like pan out and all the other cops are like, hey, man, what the fuck are you doing? Did you just pan out and join? Into the air in suburban Boston? You're under arrest now. You better hope there's a black guy up there. Otherwise, you're in trouble. It's Boston. All right. Yeah. Well, so okay, but but the foes character loses his shed starts, you know, rolling around into bushes in anchor.

And this is where he finds Rocco's finger. Rocco got his finger shot off during the firefight. So he finds the finger and hides it in his pocket. What does he plan to do with this finger? It is the only explanation for this moment is that he is thinking to himself, well, I do eventually end up on their side later in the movie. This will be a real hang up for my character at this point. Jesus. I think that is what they're saying. No, I think he's turning now. And he's like, all right, I'm going to help clean up the crime scene for them.

I see. Okay. Because he uses this, he uses the finger to like secretly find out who they were. It's Rocco's finger and he fingerprints it and you know, puts it into a scanner or whatever. But I think he's already decided at this point that he's going to become a good guy. Well, then why with the rolling around in the bushes, shit, seconds before that, why not have that? To throw you off the scent, Noah.

Oh, no, no fucking viewer. To fool the audience. It's dramatic irony backwards. No, what I said, he's got a great point. No, he does a bad performance, this whole movie so that he can do a good performance as green goblin fighter man. It's the second best crime next to holding a gun upside down when you shoot. Yeah. Right. No, and art crime is the right fucking term. So, okay, so now we, we stumble home from the encounter with ill-duche with the

brothers and Rocco. And this time they tie in, he has the iron which they used to cauterize their various wounds. Remember we packed that earlier. Yeah, but they don't, it's not used as an iron. They heat up the iron on a stove on a range because an iron is the only metal thing you could use on a stove to heat up that they could think of. So he has to grab the iron for this moment. Do just criminals do that. They keep an iron for this. Yeah. Well, you were a drug dealer. You should know. That's also not how like, the cauterization works. Now you just have a bullet wound and a burn. Yeah.

So I love to have like, like each of the characters has one wound that has to be iron and colorized so that they could all be tough in this moment or whatever. I like is, I just imagine all three of these actors sitting right going like, no, no, I want my character to handle it. My character would just like, grit. All right. Well now I have a burn that's infected. Maybe we can steam it. Does anybody have a steamer? Oh, that just burned me. Does anybody have like a Gwyneth Paltrow laser kettle thing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Shock my burn steam.

So, okay. So now, now we have to really like spell out the whole Willem Defoe is on their side and there on his, because this is where like, they see him on TV saying, yeah, no, we're going to catch the people doing all these murders. And Rockles, like, we should kill that guy. They're like, no, no, man, he's like, he's like a main character. Like, he's we're, we're cool with him. And at the same time, this is when DefFo fingerprints, Rocco's disembodied finger using a mini fridge and a copier from 1993. Oh, yep. Do you mean the washing machine computer?

30 years? Yep. Does that, and he's like, David Delaraco is what popped up on my FBI. I think that has to be wrong. That's, that's the actor's name. What's happening here? Am I to my detective to foe in this fucking movie? Guys, come on. Yeah. And also, okay. So we see him like afterwards. He's at the, at the gay bar and he's like being snappy with his waiter and, you know, being an asshole. And now I just want to point that out like, now I'm okay with his character

getting killed. Now there's no one in this movie that I don't want to see violently killed before it's before it's all over. And what the author of this movie thinks a gay bar is is fantastic because it's just a bar, right? And then this self-hating homophob walk through and was like, I bet they have fucking flowers. And opera.

He not. Lapa. A bit lemon. Lataise with lemon. And can we get Lataise with lemon? And he's counting to nine correctly. Yeah. And there's an opera singer performing at this gay bar.

That's what there is. Jesus. Yeah, this is clearly Troy Dovey being like, well, gay people can only drink at gay bars. This is right. Yeah, exactly. Well, right, right. A bar in which a gay person is drinking is then de facto a gay bar.

I mean, I thought that to myself, but then I was like, it's Boston in 1999. That probably is law. I don't know. Ha, ha, Ha ha ha. Ha ha. All right. So now the McManus brothers go to church to remind our listeners that this is got off

of movies that you're listening to that that's the that's the podcast there. And this is such a bizarre goddamn fucking scene. I had so much trouble figuring out anyone's motivation in real time. Like after the scene's over, it all makes sense, right? But like, unless they know how the scene plays out, nothing anyone does make sense. No. All right, we're gonna need all these real people

to read this script of real life. And we're gonna be in our lives, have, and go. So, all right, so we'll have to fo a non-catholic person is going to go to a Catholic confessional to say whether or not he's on the McManus brother's side, which Rocco has Intuited. Right. So he's going to break into the confessional and hold a gun to the priest said rather than just, you know, listening in at the other side or whatever so that he can hear what happens. Right, but Murphy, O'Shanis, O'Connor, O'Shay, he's holding Rago at gum. It's like a movie scene, but with more guns is how I imagine Duffy described this script

as a man to someone. Also, just in terms of the geometry, this just occurred to me, are confession booths like nested up like that where like, you go in to confess the priest and then the priest could confess to a higher priest in the booth behind him. Or just, yeah, does he like, is that like the guy he has to call in? Like he's like, oh, wow, that's a tricky one. Let me check with my manager.

And then like HR is like a move behind that. To be fair, this is Boston in the 90s. It probably makes sense to have your priest immediately confessing every after your person behind them. And then the Boston Globe has a with a fifth one behind all that. They're listening in. Yeah. Yeah.

But but the key though is after all of this Russian nesting dolls of people with guns to each other's heads, Willem DeFos says that he's okay with mass murder now and wants to, you know, be on their side. Yeah. If only one of them were in this confessional booth, then that would help. Yeah. He said, he's the priest. He's like, all right. well, I want to do like evil stuff to help God. You guys like totally do that, right? That's your thing.

And the priest has to kind of answer honestly. He's like, well, we don't normally do murder. If that's true, we're gonna do murder anymore. Anymore, we don't. Anymore, yeah. Do murder anymore. But if God told you it's cool, then yeah, that is what I would say, yes.

She says, one line I wanted to highlight in particular, the priest at one point, because willum defost not religious in this and he's kind of making fun of the priest. And the priest goes like, look, it's very easy to be sarcastic about religion. And I'm like, hey, motherfucker, your job is the one that's easy, okay?

Like, come on, fuck you. Fuck you, it's harder than we're making it look. Yeah. And willum defost clarifies too. He gets the answer the answer of like yeah, I mean if God talked to you Technically can't argue with that can I Okay did not expect that but okay one more time just to be perfectly clear I'm going to join a vigilante death squad God is is pretty. I need you to say yes or no. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Right away. You said yes. We should stop making me admit it, but we are, you're not misunderstanding me. All right. So yeah. So now, I guess one scene later, Willem Dafoe is their commissioner Gordon and they're

working together to find Il Duce apparently, right? Yeah. Or also, they're going to kill Papa Joe tonight. Oh, right, right. Yes. Yeah. Exactly.

That's Papa John from earlier in our episode. Yeah. So they're going to kill Papa John and we and they learned up so fucking Willem Dafoe goes to see bathroom attendant retired mafia done because why not bring that character back in and he learns at this point that all the main bad guys are going to be in the same house at the same time tonight and they're going to get the drop on the you know the McManus brothers. And then and I cannot emphasize this enough we cut immediately to them having got the drop

on the man his brothers. But once again, we're going to skip over the action scene and just be like, oh, I'd be cool. So actually, having there, we never revisit that by the way, though, it's not like the framing in this movie. It's just like, Duffy started to watch them film. What I assume was a minute and a half of characters walking into a building and he was like, dude, fucking boring. Let's just go to the park where they're shooting off Rockos Fingers.

Yeah. So the scene starts with them being like, oh my god, that last scene that we won't show you was amazing. We just, yeah. So fun. Yep. So yeah, so they, they, he was amazing. We just, yeah. So fun. Yep. So yeah. So they, they, they, fucking, they shoot off another one of Rocco's fingers because, you know, why not? Yeah. One of the mafia guys was this Joe Yaga Veta, like the boss guy. He, he's the one who's on the top. Yeah. He walks in and he's like, all right, I'm going to get information out of them. I guess. And he points the gun at Rocco's finger and Connor starts yelling. He's like, Rocco, look at me. Look at me. Uh-oh. Okay, you're looking at me. I didn't have a follow up. I thought, all right. He

shot your finger off. You know, he just did that. Well, yeah, I thought I would have words of comfort. Don't say anything now. All right. So, and then so the bad guys go out, they have a quick bad guy, Huddl. And then they come back in and Papa John is like, okay, I mean, I'm going to shoot Rocco and kill him at this moment. By the way, when they shot and killed Rocco and the two brothers freak out, Anna, who was watching this next to me, goes, why do they care about

him? Yeah, right, right. He's just like one of the guys they would have killed had he been at that poker game. She could have been saying that about any character in the movie. That's fair. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah.

And then like the movie expects us to take this seriously or so. I don't know. But then like all the bad guys are like, oh fuck, Billy Connelly is still in this movie. We have not wrapped that up at all. Which is they become afraid. They're like, oh man, the dook will kill us for killing the guy he wanted to kill. That we hired him to kill. Yeah. He's like, they can have like a radio or something and be like, uh, we're not doing the murder thing now. Just don't. Okay.

You would think you would set that up. But that's put the part of the plot here is like, all right, well, you know, old man murder is in the bushes and we cannot stop him from his murder mission. I'm going to take off you guys deal with this. Cool. Yeah. Right. Right.

Exactly. Also, by the way, Il Ducche doesn't even mean the Duke. It's Mussolini's nickname and it just means the leader, which they are not aware. Oh, really? I thought it was, I thought it was the Duke. All my jokes later where they found out that he's their dad and I don't know whether to call him barons or viscounts, make no fucking sense now. So thanks for ruining that one.

I think Duke is just like, you'll do good. Like they were kind of close, but yeah, they didn't even try. So all right. And then we cut to, so the bad guys who try to figure out what they're going to do about Billy Connolly, the brothers meanwhile are downstairs escaping. They have apparently handcuffed them, but like to hit chair legs and chairs that aren't fastened to the ground. I don't know.

Okay. That's how their legs are. They just like literally get out of it by lifting their chairs up off their ground, like slowly, right? Like the fourth grade teacher was going to get onto them for it. Like that's the moment, right? They're like, oh my God, you could totally follow from break your skull doing that. Oh, they're so brave. And then it's like here, hold up this stick. Great. And handcuff your other hand to that stick. Yeah. Don't know cheating. You have to keep holding the stick. That's the law. But also there's a moment I didn't quite get because they have handcuffs on their hands as well. Is there a point where one of the brothers is kicking the other

guys hands off? Yeah. What's going? That was other guy's hands off. Yeah. What's going on? That was a plan for a second. Yeah. I paused it and it's fucking incredible. So the point is he's trying to escape from the handcuffs. So the one who can get his foot free is going to break his hand off that Wolverine. Yeah.

Enough so that he can slip it through the thing. But but his hands, if you watch it seen, his hands aren't like cuffed through the chair. He's just they're just behind him. Right. The solution is for him to stand up. Yes.

I wanted to walk over to the other side of the room and like pick up a toilet and be like, all right, so what are we doing? What's next? This works real well. So they have this incredibly unlikely escape, but then, but, fucking Willem DeFoe shows up with Bugs Bunny tactics. You guys like this move really.

That's the reason in it. Willem DeFoe is a beautiful man. And now he's dressed up like a girl, Bugs Bunny trick. And he's beautiful like this too. It's fantastic. We had it. Me and Heath had an amazing moment. So we were like, okay, we're going to do the Moon Doc Saints. I have a good vacation, blah, blah, blah. And as we were about to hang up, I was like, Hey, does the scene where Willem DeFoe dresses like a lady hold up? Yeah. And we both sort of paused and remembered that scene existed. And I was like, I gotta go. I just got a car trip in the morning. I'll let you know I go see the movie. I gotta go watch Bill Burz set on Netflix. I don't know.

So yeah, okay. All right. So here's what happened then in this universe. Willem Defoe realized there was going to be more bad guys than he thought, right? When, when, uh, when he talked to the mafia, Todd, so he went home, dressed up like lady, and then went to the house and pretended to be a prostitute so they could get into a house that opened the door for him any fucking way. It's literally the old South Park joke where the police chief keeps dressing up like a female prostitute and having sex with people that trying, it's that, but like dead serious. Yeah. It's like if Sherlock

Holmes had been like, what's in this only one way to get inside Moriarty's fortress. So we fuck each other. What can you put your ankles behind your head, Watson? All right, but then okay, so he's about to fuck one of the bad guys. I feel like he's gonna go the whole way with the guy but his wig comes off and Like Clark Kent without any glasses. Now the guy can tell he's very clearly not a lady. Wait a minute. You will have to fall You know, I thought you were really good in anti-Christ. I know it was a top film. So not a lot of people saw it, but I thought you did a really great job. You got hold of it. The lady of it. Cause I know it's to this now. Absolutely green goblin anti-Christ. This movie you crushing it. I got you know what? I think I kind of look

like Jane Fonda, right? Like a Jane like a grace and Frankie, right? So I'm pulling that off. You would say, I would like you to just say what I said. So I can. I've a gun. I just want to point out though that like had he gone dressed the way he was dressed when he learned all of this shit, Rocco would still be alive, right? Rocco died for this disguise, but I'm happy that Rocco's death. Yeah, everyone in this movie, you kill every goddamn one of them. I wanted this to continue like Billy Connelly shows up and he's stressed as a woman. I knew your boys would be needing a hand with the beard still and everything. Yeah. I'm so. One other moment in this scene, can we talk about the lip fluttery gunshot when he

does the, when he shoots this guy right after he's found out to be not in fact a lady prostitute. I do not remember this. Please take a serious. I have no idea what you're talking about. So he sees that it's a wig and he gets mad and he's like, you're Willem DeFoe the actor, what's going on? And that's when Willem DeFoe grabs into his purse that he has where he's got his gun. And he's like on the floor at this point and he sits up and shoots the guy in the face.

But right as he does that, it's in slow mo and we watch, we watch Willem Defoe make the like, like the motorbody like blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, blr, bl it does bring up a staggering reality, which means that Willem Defoe, the, I think Oscar-winning actor sat up and was like, Bacchew, Bacchew,

Bacchew, and it was caught on camera. Yep. Yep. No, you are correct, except that Willem Defoe has never wanted to ask. God damn it. I would stake my life on it. Robbed. I probably shouldn't stake my life. I will stake like my left pinky finger on it. He's never wanted to ask her. I don't think. Let's stay Keith's life on. He was in. He was in platoon. I don't know if he won one, but the some.

I'm sure he's been nominated. I do not think he's one. All right, anyways, now with that, I should never say shit like this. You never know. No, no, saying three is coming out. Anyway, production. He's gonna get that nod. All right.

So now we cut to three months later because I, I guess that wasn't the finale. What's fuck ever? I'm objectively right. This is a fucking terrible movie. I'm so glad to be there. The Endings, the glory of this movie are the final awfulness on top of the awful cake. Oh Fuck it's so bad It's okay. So Papa John is is going to trial right all the other bad guys got killed the Papa John got away at the end

and now We okay, so we've got all the reporter sitting around in his trial going like talking about like oh well, you know He's very clearly guilty, but, um, you know, we won't get convicted. I'm sure. And I think so, so unrealistic. The idea that the press would just sit around during a trial that or somebody was clearly guilty and talk about how he was thinking. But there is certainly no moral dilemma. If somebody were to make a movie of this and maybe the vigilantes they are ethically correct, am I right?

Yeah, exactly. Is the conversation that was happening when suddenly the main characters now with Billy Connelly, who by the way, is their dad? Yeah. Was their dad? Because he knew they're like weird Irish killing prayer thing. And I know that this is the movie's way, this was the movie's way of telling us

that they're dead, but I wanted him so badly to know it because all Irish people only have two customs and they don't know it until you pointed out to them. It's just that stupid ring from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and made a road rise up to me. It was just like, yeah, we got like three things. There is a killing prayer, that's real. That's real.

It's true. It's a fun poem. Is it? Yeah. How often have you used it? It's not important. Well, he doesn't play Call of Duty, but if he did, she's not to incriminate myself. So, yeah. So they take over the courtroom, the McManus brothers and the McManus dad,

I guess, now at this point. And he has the whole, you know, there will be sequel speech. This is totally justified. Uh, sure, which people in real life would follow the example of this movie and go out and kill people that they think are criminals. Yeah. He goes through a weird side tangent where he's like, and just to be clear, we are not going to kill literars. No, like tax rods. Cool. Who else will you not be killing? And literally one of the lines, it's from the, like the statue of Liberty line.

He's like, we don't want your poor, your wretched, we won't kill immigrants just to be clear. Okay, that was a weird announcement. We're killing back guys only. We're doing bad guys. Now that I say we won't kill immigrants. I feel like you guys are going to think we are killing immigrant. Technically, we've killed Italian and Russian immigrants forced into crime syndication by race. You know what?

This is all gone way off track. And the point is though, is that we're going to kill this mafia. And you and the Gregor's an asshole. Also, if you're so, and then he ends it, he ends it by going, if you're so evil, you will rapist. And everyone in the courtroom's like, I'm sorry, what? He's supposed to be saying like, reap the consequences. You'll reap it if you cross this line. We'll kill you and you'll reap the consequences.

And he's like, and on that day, you will reap it if you cross this line, we'll kill you and you'll reap the consequences. And he's like, and on that day, you will reap it. Everybody is like, sorry, reap it. No, not reap it. Re-pap it. You're saying, say the two words. Say the two words next to each other. No, that you think are the two different words that are happening right now.

What I'm saying is if you do bad things, we are going to rate no. No, you guys talk weird. All right. Okay. And now the news lady from channel 22 wraps things up. I type that so hopefully I type. so hopefully at the beginning of so many scenes in this movie. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, exactly. But so now we're going to end with a goddamn series of man on the street arguments about whether this movie has any good guys in it, right? And it does. It's concluded by the city of Boston. It's just like a couple people who are like, I don't know because you know, murdering, that's also murdering if you murder, right?

But everybody else is like, fuck you, every city, every kill them all. Yeah. Exactly. No, look, this, the incase you didn't catch the moral of the goddamn story, the movie itself stops, looks us directly in the eye and says, you should kill gang members and drug dealers with the gun and then it ends. You and McGregor is wrong. We should murder people. The end. Yeah.

All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of Boondock Saints. I will never have to watch that again., that's going to do it for our review of Boondock Saints. I will never have to watch that again. And that's a real relief. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet, though, because we still need to do a religious movie, legit Eli, tell us what's on deck. The Boondock Saints, too.

No, no, no. No, no. No, no. You know, we all needed something beautiful, something we can all get behind. And so next week, we will be reviewing Kenneth Paltrow's new show on Netflix. Cause look, cause like, listen, statistically speaking, there are a lot of listeners to this show. They're like, I fucking liked Boondock, Saints. Why are they, are they, they spent this whole episode calling me a racist in a homophobic?

Fuck them. So it's good to know that we've got that for them next week. We'll bring you back next week for the group. But seriously, you don't like this movie. You should really, it's incredibly terrible. Terrible me. Even you don't like this movie. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 232 to a merciful close.

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Link of services for this podcast are provided by the law offices as a P and Drittoris. Tim Roberts takes care of our social media.com. Link or services for this podcast are provided by the law. This is a P. Andrew Torres. Tim Roberts takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik. People will draft on Mars. Although the music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week

for Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick. I'm Noel Luzin. It's from Mr. War carder and another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Troy Duffy went on to make the Boom Docks Saints to all Saints day. It is even better. It's like two hours and twenty minutes long and it made like eleven million dollars in the box office. It's on the dock. It's on the juice in your penis is better.

Troy Duffy then went on to... nope, nope, sorry, that's literally magic. He made a short about Nightrider. Willem Dafoe made penance for this movie, by getting his penis squished in the movie Antichrist. Did he? Yeah. We went on to review the boondocks Saints three whatever it's called and it will be amazing. I cannot wait My breakfast club close built off a Heath slash choke. Oh, all right. Yeah, I know I'll do the same All right, yeah, I know I'll do the same thing. Sorry.

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