God Awful Movies - 233: The Goop Lab Ep5: The Energy Experience

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

On this week’s episode, Eli and Heath team up with veteran guest masochist Jonathan Jarry for a skeptical review of Gwyneth Paltrow's new Netflix show, The Goop Lab. We watched episode 5, entitled "The Energy Experience." --------------------- You can find Jonathan on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/crackedscience His podcast is The Body of Evidence: http://bodyofevidence.ca/podcast All of his science work is accessible here: https://jonathanjarry.com --------------------- Get great deals while supporting the show by checking out our sponsors: https://bouqs.com/offers/awful https://mejuri.com/awful https://forhims.com/gam --------------------- Come see God Awful Movies live in LA! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-la-tickets-86927786349 If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

He's like a bad magician. I was working with like ad hoc assistants who weren't practiced for this. Yeah, he brings his hand up, he way, way up to tap into Alisa's energy. Like he needs to find good reception. And I thought people like him were opposed to 5G wireless, but I guess it's not. I would love it. I would love it if Amarol fell on hard times and he had to star in a revival of those old Verizon commercials.

Can you feel me now? Can you feel my bad touch now? God awful! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be This week you're welcome. I'm your host, Heathen, right? And sitting about 600 miles to my right is my good friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How's it going? Well, he's the crazy thing. It's that it's kind of really uses so many different ways of things to, you know, people have cancer. This show has been proven to well. It's just a lot, isn't it? Really? When you think about it a lot, word salad, They'll be a lot of that and sitting somewhere to my great white North taking a quick break from his pickup, shini game is professional science communicator, award winning podcaster

and for some reason now veteran guest, massacres, Jonathan, Jerry, Jonathan, welcome back. Thanks, Heath. Hey, thanks. I noticed Noah couldn't make it again. So I took the liberty of correcting most of Eli's mistakes. Thank you. My God. I hope that's okay. Eli, did you, you did go to school, right? Well, legally, I am allowed to say yes. So why you technically. Yeah. And why you really tishto. Yeah. That's what they get on your diploma. They say legally, you went to school. Have a go. All right. And seriously, are you a hockey player? Are you like, honestly, taking a pause from a possible shooting game? I'm not. I did play hockey when I was a kid. And I do know some grownups who still play hockey,

but I gave up on that dream a long time ago. I kind of had to also too many teeth. Yeah. There are shini rings everywhere, though. It's the coolest. They don't, we don't have that here. We've, you got to find a pond. It's a whole thing. Yeah. All right. Well, tell us, Jonathan. I guess we have to talk about this movie show instead of do we? Do we? Do we, though? What are we going to be breaking down today? We watched on Netflix, the Goop lab episode five, the energy experience. And if you want to know how bad it was, you lie, we'll tell you in a moment,

but you can also, you can also go through the Wikipedia page for the show and scroll down to the bottom. And there's a lot of negative reviews being quoted there, including my own. And the list is growing. And to that pile. Yes. And just to clarify really quick, the Goop Lab doesn't have the episodes in any particular order. It doesn't have its ideas in any particular order. Nothing about this matter is directionally or anything like that. So we just chose our favorite one to start with happens to be listed fifth on Netflix. But they even say right there, you can watch these in any order. The title of this one is the energy experience. So that's what we're on.

Yeah. And like Star Wars episode five is the best. Damn right. Wow. Shots fired. We're going to get a lot of feedback about that. A lot of emails exactly. Hot. It on episode five. Fuck you. Yeah. All right. Eli, we ask you this all the time, but this is this is an important one. How bad was this thing? Well, if you love the camaraderie of the TMZ set, but you wish it were somehow more evil and dangerous. You will love this Netflix special. It's rough.

It's it's I feel like it has to be illegal. John, it isn't, is it legal in Canada? Would this be legal in Canada? I don't know. I don't know. I guess they probably had their own Andrew over there who probably said, hey, as long as you don't say the word medicine, you guys are fine. Oh, yeah. We'll get to a few moments where they were like, mad as well. Nope. Yeah. Yeah, they have to stop themselves several times. All right. Is there anything you guys would like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I nominate this episode as being the best at being the worst at finding cell phone reception with your hands. If you think the human body is a base transceiver station. Yeah. Doing an interpretive 5G dance

there buddy. Yeah. We've been in a concert and a little kid stands up and starts conducting and then you ever crawl underneath that little kid and think he was healing your anxiety. That's what this episode is about. That happened to me when I saw cats in theater. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Yeah.

Could have cured your sedema. Whatever you want. He in six year old is actually a weirdly good energy healer. I don't know. Keep doing it. Dressed like a cat. This guy just missed out on dressing like a cat. Obviously.

That's the key. That's the key. All right. Well, I'm going to go with best worst reluctant evil sidekick. So we'll get into the details. I'll wait to explain until we get to him. But there's a terrible fraud energy healer. He's the main character besides Gwyneth and this thing. And he brings with him for his interviews

this evil sidekick like apprentice guy. And at the end, that guy has to like do stuff with him. We actually watch them like, you know, perform a little bit. And this like a guy is so clearly like, I don't want to do the thing you're saying is super creepy. I don't want to do it. No, no. And it's so much worse than we'll get into the details. It's so much worse than I'm describing it. We'll explain. He might as well introduce everything the other guy says with what my client needs to say is similar along the terrible reluctant people who work at Goop front. I'm going to go with best worst skeptic. Now Brian Brian. My soulmate, my friend, my lover, my one and only. So Brian will get to it. But Brian is Goop's skeptic. Well, and he's getting best worst, best worst skeptic for sure or best worst edit of the

things Brian says. I don't know. I'm not Brian, but one of those two things is true. I can tell you that I dare you guys to have Brian on the show as a guest. Oh, on a feature gamcast. Take it. Yes. Answer.

Yes. Tweeting him now. Yes. Answer is you. Yes. Tweeting him now. We could do a ham. Cut in a few of his sentence fragments like they did on the goop lab, just like sad, Brian, my name, that's like, that's what we get from this guy. Yeah. All right.

Well, I guess now would be a great time for everyone to do a little consciousness yoga, maybe some aura, cagals, and once we're all warmed up, we'll be a great time. We're everyone to do a little consciousness yoga, maybe some aura cagals, and once we're all warmed up, we'll be back to tell you all about the Goop Lab episode five-ish, the energy experience. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the first ever writers meeting for Coop. Hey.

Yeah. Don't interrupt me, Pea. I'm Gwyneth, but you can call me Gwyneth. And I am honored to share this space with you. Okay, weird transition. I'm Jackie, but someone put the black one on my name tag, which is weird again. I used to be a, I just-

See the space, Jackie. Jackie, see the space. Sorry, what? You're taking up a lot of space. I need you to see the space. Oh, okay. Yeah, that'd be great. Did you see it a little bit more?

Just a little bit more? There you go. Great, a little bit further. I'm Michael. Kind of a skeptic, you know what I mean? And I think that- You absolutely will not think. Oh, okay, I was just gonna say,

I think this is gonna be fun, you know? Oh, yeah, no, you can think that. Cool, yeah, fun. Great, so now that you are all absolutely unable to hide your disgust of and fear with me, let's go put ourselves on camera and pretend we're friends. Okay. Jackie step back on damn it.

It was a very South Park version of Gritifaltra. Hi, welcome to Typical Jewelry Buying Experience. How can I help you? Hi, sorry, are you wearing a ball gown and a t-shirt? Yes, everyone who works in jewelry retail dresses in an insane combination of formal and informal clothing, sir. Cool, sure. I was looking for a little something for someone special.

Oh, so you went to Missouri. What's Missouri? Majority makes handcrafted fine jewelry for every day and every style. And you guys sell, oh, here at the mall, we sell incredibly overpriced blood diamonds. Oh, wow. You're super honest about that. Yeah. Well, you know, most people don't know about

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No, no, but I will lead you over to our most expensive shelf and then clear it you hate fully if you don't buy something from it. Oh. Because most of my pay is commission. So really the whole process is bad. Yeah, the whole from beginning to end everything about this place really wafts evil, but majority has a curated gift guide for anyone in your life, friend, partner, even your mom. Oh, that that's awesome. Yeah. And if you order before February 11th within

Canada and the US, you'll get whatever you buy delivered to your door before February 14th, gift wrapping and all. Damn, that's fast. So where do I try it? Well, you can head to majority.com slash awful or use the code awful at checkout for 10% off your first order. That's M-E-J-U-R-I dot com slash awful for 10% off your first order. All right. Well, I'm going to leave now because everything about this place is evil and it smells like a synabon by the nickel. And we're back and we're going to start off with the trailer for their show that they

put at the beginning of every show. And it's like, it's like a lightning round of lying. The show is like regular speed lying. And this is just like, but la la la la la. It's fast. They can't a little montage of it. Starting with Gwyneth Paltrow, explaining that her true calling is not acting. It's actually pretending that fake things are real and selling that for millions of dollars. A lot different. Yeah, yeah. She says that her calling wasn't making out with Matt Damon.

And I think she recognizes that that's not very hard. She could have gone into rescuing Chilean minors or learned a trade like plumbing. By the way, I want to see that. I wanted to see a TV show of Gwyneth as a plumber at the Distar's. Yes. But no, no, she chose to hire the fan club from the secret and pull in Oceans 8 on middle class women. Yep. And to be fair, she's nailing it. She is. She's very good at that. Yeah. She's transitioned. Yeah. When she said that, I was like, oh, your calling's not making out with Matt Damon. It's systematically destroying every vagina on earth.

What cool transition for you, I guess. Yeah. And then she says, you know, we get to explore like, is this real? Do we feel better? And this right there, this is the epistemological money shot. If it feels right, it's real. I don't remember intuition being part of the scientific method, but what do I know?

I must have been nodding off during that particular class. Yeah, you missed it. You went to sharpen your pencil and the teacher behind your back just mimed like, did the jerk off gesture while they were talking and pulled down a slide that was just like, go with your heart. Yeah. Cause I didn't go to NYU. You live. Exactly. Thank you. You get it. Oh, and just this entire montage every second of it, I was like, I want to watch every fucking episode of this show. Oh, and we will. We absolutely will. I already watched one of the other ones too. It's, it's bananas

throughout his pattern that's been established by watching too. And then of course, it's introduction ends with a legal disclaimer. Yes. Like all good TV shows. Yeah. Yeah. Can I read the disclaimer? Please. Absolutely. The following series is designed to entertain and inform, not provide medical advice. You should always consult your doctor when it comes to your personal health or before you start any treatment. Which is, it's a version of the Quack Miranda warning, right? Which says, don't sue us. We're not playing doctors, but we totally are.

It's like psychics, right? They have to advertise themselves as for entertainment purposes only. Meanwhile, they tell you your eight-year-old son's corpse is being eaten by dung beetles at the bottom of a well. Are you not entertained? I never understand the purpose of it. Who does this fool? Like what is this fool?

This shouldn't work in a court system, Eli. The legal system. It literally fools the court system. The legal system literally fools the legal system. Correct. Why? They're all grownups. Can't they all just sit around and be like, Oh, yeah, you guys are in the middle of an impeachment trial. Eli. That's better. You know what? I heard it as soon as it came out of my mouth. No, this is, this is in the national interest for her to fool a bunch of rich people into buying Jade eggs and solid gold, whatever the fact. Magic bullets to put up their butt. Yeah. Let's say her.

Yeah. It's good. If you're reading this, probably call your doctor right now is basically what it's saying on this, on this disclaimer, it should definitely not be allowed. Yeah. Also one other moment in the little intro thing, they've got like budget doctor Ruth, whoever that lady was. Yeah. She's talking about her like orgasm workshops, which sound pretty fucking interesting. But even Gwyneth is a little skeptical at this point. And she's like, sorry, hold on. What the fuck are you doing to the people in your workshops? Is that legal? And then it cut away because like, probably not. Yeah.

Because the answer is in the same. So I had to binge watch the entire series because I was writing about this for the McGill OSS. And that episode actually about female sexuality is probably the best one of the series. Like it's actually, there's no woo about it. It's actually quite good. Oh, nice. But it is the episode in which Gwyneth realizes on camera

that she doesn't know the difference between a vagina and the vulva. Whoa. And that is just my point. I think we all know the difference between those things. Why don't you just tell us, John, and so we all. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Just to why don't you watch the episode? I will, then. Great. And I'll still know. I'll know. The 100% journal genitalia and the vaginas on the inside. It's a Swedish. You're welcome.

Now it's owned by Ford. How's your dating life right now, Heath? I have a very, it's a nice Volvo. I like it. It's better understood now. All right, very safe. It's boxy, but it's good. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna open it. Boxy's not the word you should be using. It's boxy, but it's good. We're going to open it.

Boxy's not the word you should be using. No, they don't like that. Yes, you are. So we're going to open this episode with a voiceover that tells us the entire universe is made of energy. Okay. Is it? Isn't matter a thing too, Jonathan?

Well, so before you even answer the show answers for itself to contradict itself, because the very next sentence is, all right, well, it's entire ish. He's been a dick 4.6% of the universe is physical matter. So like literally the first sentence of the episode is wrong. And the second sentence admits it was wrong by accident. That's how we start this show. Yeah. I was surprised we didn't see a photo of Albert Einstein with the equation E equals MC squared

on screen. This is the nail. But yeah, I mean, if I had a time machine, I would go back in time and I would knock Aristotle's senseless to make sure he didn't write down this word, energy, for the first time in human history. Because here we are, right? It's everything. It's a new age version of God and it is meaningless in this context. Meaningless, but also the kind of true that makes it so fucking hard to have a conversation

about, right? Where you're like, well, energy flows all around us and you're like, I know you don't mean protons. That's sort of right, but not what you said. You're not thinking of what it is. Stop nodding. Don't nod. You're nodding. You don't get to use any of the real parts that you accidentally stumbled backwards into. No. And then we're going to get our first clip here of the energy doctor, Dr. Armall. Ameral. Ameral. John, Ameral, letters that aren't MD, I believe. Yeah.

Okay. I just want to say at the outset, this guy's name sounds like the newest and most dangerous state rape drug. Right. I wake up in the morning, you're like, oh man, someone put an Ameral in my lemonade. Yeah. Well, this show is going to confirm what Eli just said way too much. Yeah.

There's a line that he says, I think it's in the voiceover. He says, the more connected you are energetically, the healthier you will feel. What? Now, I, I don't know about that. I mean, go talk to kids who've stuck their booger covered fingers in an electrical outlet and ask them if they feel healthier. You need one of those mediums we talked about at the beginning. Yeah. their booger covered fingers and then electrical outlet and ask them if they feel healthy or. You need one of those mediums we talked about at the beginning. Yeah. And then the voice ever continues. And he talks about the fact that people in the West don't slow down that we value

achievement over fulfillment while we watch footage of Goop's employees at their desks. Goop is telling us we really should learn to slow down while it's whipping its employees because they've got profit margins to hit. Right. Also, you achieve fulfillment. That's an achievement. That's stupid. If you're using fulfillment in some other set, like people who say fulfillment isn't,

that's what people say when they lose it stuff. And they don't achieve something and they're like, no, well, it's all about fuck you. No, that's an achievement too. Finer store was 12 to two. Yeah, but our team was very fulfilled. Okay. Where are they? Where are they?

Go get the customer crying. You're crying too. Okay. Also, quick moment, we have to talk about there is not a single group employee that's just sitting in a chair at a normal desk. They're all at like treadmill desks and standing desks and in a pool of water up to their neck being zapped by unicycle desks. Yeah.

He liked you really want to talk about standing desks, Eli? Look, I stacked these books. We both have one people. I'm just saying we don't put it on camera, Jonathan. We don't put it on camera. You guys have a Tai Chi standing desk right now. It's fine. Yeah, but no, I think when we move on from that footage, we actually see clips of Amrall

working on these women. And I have to say, he looks like a sweaty mind decided that raky healing wasn't sexual enough. Yes. Oh, God. He's so exciting. It's so upsetting. Everything he does in the show. Before it's explained, it just looks like various shots of people trying to avoid being touched by this guy with their eyes closed. True. Right? Like, it's just, and I get it. I too would turn into a pretzel trying to avoid being touched by this guy. We see, yeah, we see, we see, we see Gwyneth basically attaining climax on screen with Amrall looking like he's found some sort of orifice on her back.

And I want to see the version of this where Brad Falchuk, Gwyneth's husband, watched the footage for the first time. Yes. Crazy billionaire reboot. Yeah, the hand motions are just, he's making him up. It's nothing. He's just making shit up, but he still does extremely creepy upsetting hand motions. You don't have to do that.

You can just do other wavy stuff, but he doesn't. Like you're going to see an minority report with the like virtual screen. Yeah. But remember how it didn't have any like sexual assault vibes to the hand of the issues? He fixed that. He does. He absolutely fixed that.

So now it's time for our first interview with him, which hey, starts in an honest note. She begins this by saying, what the fuck are you doing to people? And that's a great question. They're not going to answer it, honestly, but that's the first question I had. I was expecting like cut to black roll credits. Yeah. And his answer right away is, I'm like a body worker slash chiropractor or something like, you know, not does she's like, so are you a dot? And he's like, please don't say doctor or we have to cut.

Don't say dot. This is one of the first times where that happens. Oh, I got to go live on a boat now. You sit down. Yeah. Yeah. So on the body of evidence, my podcast, we recently taped an interview with a former massage therapist who told me that a body worker is an unlicensed massage therapist.

So Amarol is proudly announcing himself to be a guy who gives massages, but couldn't get licensed professional body. Couldn't commit to that three weekend day school requirement to become a massage. I always had a cruise once in that evening glasses. I'm not a dentist. I am a tooth enthusiast if you will. So yeah, I am a Phoenix certified tooth to a faster. If you could call me a turn to Yeah. By the way, I looked up John, whatever his name is, there is not anything skeptical about this dude in three fucking pages of Google. It's just a series of very pretty websites that have him in a white lab coat looking like a doctor. That's it. That's all you can find out.

That's guy. Oh, wow. He like, Gish Gough is his SEO, just put in a bunch of lab coat pictures to God damn it. Yeah. And then he says, I'm not treating a particular condition when I'm working with people. So again, I left a bunch because Gwyneth Paltrow is the skeptic in this moment. She's like, so what are you treating? And he's like, again, please don't use dark words. I'm not quote, treating anything technically. But he says, but I have a hypothesis. And like, whatever you're about to say,

dude, just, but it starts with, but I have a hypothesis, which stopped. Not great. He says, change the frequency of the vibration of the body itself and you'll change the way the cells regrow. Now, this is when I started popping Advil, not because of the tension headache that

would later turn into a migraine, but because I thought it could help with a stench of cloacal ejections. I could smell it from my television. Oh, smart TV. Don't Google that people. Don't Google that. So we're vibrating at the wrong frequency sometimes is the theory here. Yeah. Jonathan, how many hurts is a good like soul vibration or body vibration? What are we supposed to be at? Do you know?

It's probably seven hundred and seventy seven hurts because seven is a godly number. Oh, that is true. They held it. I'm going to start a website now. Seven seven seven hurts.com. You're welcome. Yes. So couldn't we just fix this with like, like if you're, then if the number of hurts in your frequency is off, couldn't we shoot like super high pitch or super low pitch sound at people and fix it like that? As long as you don't go down to 666 hertz. I was, okay,

so you gotta be careful. We gotta be very careful. There's a dangerous one in the range. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you could avoid getting bad touched by that creepy dude for a giant fee with just some pitched noise. Cool. Not to know.

For sure. This is also where he says, hey, do you find that people have diseases and then thing shift? And I just wrote in my notes a masterfully written sentence, a masterfully written sentence. This is also where we're introduced to his reluctant evil sidekick that he's teased at the beginning, apostolos lecos. Yeah, he's an integrative physician, which is like doing a double major in medicine and fantasy prone personalities. Oh, look, look, Rhino horn powder.

What if it cures diabetes? Oh, look, sticking needles in people. What if it cures asthma? Oh, look, mentally shoving my hand through someone's butt energy field. Maybe it'll make them feel better. Spoiler alert on the last one. We will revisit this before the episode is over. We will.

You got a couple, like if we combined the needles and then switched out whatever you said for insulin, it could help diabetes. Shut up. I'm doing rhino powder. Great. Great. Also, this is where we, they go through there. I'm going to call it nonsense therapy fast list.

Like it's like they started to get cornered by their own stupidity. So let us just starts listing off words and then the word therapy. He lists in order magnet therapy, light therapy, laser therapy, vibrational therapy. Hmm. What other words are confusing to most people? Compound interest therapy. Uh, whole life insurance therapy. You're you're in there, there, there therapy. What are the fuck? You want tricky therapy? Ranked. As voting therapy. Yeah. He talks about integrative medicine residences to teach doctors how to treat people with their hands. And I mean, you know, you've got a problem when treating patients with your hands,

goes from surgery to shamanistic rituals. Like the arrow should be pointing in the other direction. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And now he's going to explain to us why no one has filmed his work before. And his answer is, wow, you know, without the context, this looks like total fucking bullshit. You know, like all the real things that are hard to put on film.

You know, you can't film surgery. It just looks like a guy randomly stabbing another guy. If you try to film surgery, it's like that. It's like that. We don't want to film because of that. Yeah. I'm one of those people who doesn't look crazy if you don't look at me. So that's what I like to do. Yeah. And he says, he asks rhetorically, like, you know, people would be saying, like, is this person having an orgasm? And like, to visualize this, you know, those, those modern dance shows where you go, is that a grand mall seizure or a plan movement?

Yes. Like this is possibly how those dancers have sex allegedly. That's what it looks like. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. We're going to meet Julianne, huh, professional actress dancer. Yes. We are. So now it's time for some hard hitting questions.

And I fucking love this moment so much because Gwyneth or the very, very unhappy assistant sitting next to her goes, what's objectively happening when you work? And you see the two guys get so nervous because the answer is nothing, but subjectively, I'm doing magic. Yeah, I think I think it's's Elise Lona who's sitting next to Gwyneth. She's a chief content officer for Goup and she asks him, like, what are you pulling on? People's leg Elise. People's leg. That's what he's pulling on.

And he tells her you can measure the energy of the body between four and six feet off of the body. Now, keep that in mind because at the end, his buddy, the integrative apprentice, he will actually say, you cannot measure that kind of stuff. It's all the same episode. Yeah. And later. Yeah.

They will also claim that they're like, all right, well, I'm finding the best spot. It's like six feet off the body right now. You can't, he's not six feet off the body while we're watching him do this. And I know what feet are. And he's not. So that's what. Yeah. But that's okay.

Even the show starts to realize it's bullshit because now it's time to bring up, I think, what all medical doctors and skeptics have been talking about lately. How the double slit experiment and quantum physics relates to the problem. Damn it. I was furious. The moment this happened, I was like, the f**k that upon the scheme, somehow you're gonna get to that f**k you. Oh God, should I attempt to explain this?

Oh, please, because my note for this scene is, okay, I started to read the Wikipedia on the double slit experiment, but it's boring. So I'm not going to pretend to know what it meant. But I promise you that Gwyneth Paltrow and this guy also don't know what it means. Now, they just read the Cliff's notes version, a D-packed Chopra edition. So I'm not a physicist, but I will attempt to briefly summarize the experiment, which most of us learned about in high school, I think, unless you went to school in the US, in which case you're lucky, you were taught how to tie your shoes. Right.

So according to one theory, not a nice private schools that are well-funded, Jonathan. Good. I didn't go to one of those. So I need you to explain this, but I've heard. I've been told some people have gone, they go to-funded, Jonathan. I didn't go to one house. So I need you to explain this. But I've heard, I've been told, some people have gone, they go to really good rich people schools. It's awesome for them. Yeah, I know.

I was reading that document that he put together and like, wow, I'm quickly losing faith in the American schools. So according to one theory, right, light is a beam of discrete particles called photons. Again, to our American listeners, it's like shooting a gun, right? Light is a beam of discrete particles called photons. Again, to our American listeners, it's like shooting a gun, right? Got it. But the bullets are called photons. For people outside the U.S. Was it like a semi or like a full of what kind of gun was it? Well, I'm just trying to figure out like for people outside. I'm stuck for protons. Yeah, but outside the US like, oh, a gun.

How do I? Anyway. According to another theory, light is actually a wave. Like sound is a wave through the air. And the double-sit experiment consists of a laser being shown at a plate with two vertical slits in it. And there's a opaque screen behind it. And the pattern that is observed on the screen reveals

that light behaves both like a stream of particles, pow pow bang bang, and like a wave. Now that's really cool and confusing and it led to the development of quantum mechanics, but what it isn't is fucking magneto moving things. What is mind? Which you would not know because it will say quantum physics proves that this isn't bullshit. The double slit experiment and then the third sentence real quote is our consciousness can affect reality. Yeah. I mean, this is de factobra. Yeah. The context of this whole thing, he brings it up right after he says that he's massaging people's energy

fields at a subatomic level. Well, first of all, if it's Adams, that's matter. And he's tut, there's physical matter again. And he's contradicted that earlier thing. But he's saying that like he can observe photons until they become a female orgasm. Like what the fucking, what is the claim here? It doesn't matter because he's talking to Gwyneth. She's supposed to spend most of the episode going, wow. Yep, it's it everyone sits there going, the vocal fry, the vocal like saute deep fry that she has going at moments is rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you guys want to talk about network spinal? Okay. Well, now we should. I don't want to talk about the guy who trained him, Donnie Epstein. Yeah. His will be one canobi. Yeah. So not a lot of skeptical content on Donnie Epstein. However, the new world truth. com has a blog accusing him of using demons and it is amazing. Please, please Google Donnie Epstein and read it. The highlight of this absolutely beautiful last symptom before the inevitable suicide of whoever wrote it is that they pulled a picture off of Donnie Epstein's Facebook of him dressed like a witch with the caption.

It's obvious he's fine with witches. Yeah, a network spinal is what happens when car fractures go. Doing these thrusts is hard. It's work. How can I, how can I work less? It's, I mean, it's, it's light chiropractic without the cracking. It's, I mean, it's, it's light chiropractic without the cracking.

It's like Pepsi zero. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I actually, I watched an animated video of it and basically they think that there's a reset button at the back of the neck and their technique boils down to, have you tried turning it off and on again? I'm not kidding.

Did you blow on the back of the neck? Like an Nintendo cartridge, maybe? You don't know. Yeah. I also, I watched, I also Googled Donnie Epstein, which is not a good idea, but I did, I did find that exact same website. He was talking about those the first thing I read because it was clearly the, just the title, I could tell it was a Christian guy being like, this guy's exorcism are all wrong.

He's not doing that correctly. That'sorcism are all wrong. He's not doing that correctly. That's not how you exercise somebody. He's putting the demons in. He's putting them in exactly. That's literally what that website is about. But I also watched a video of him giving a speech to like one of his little classes. He does little seminars like like Tony Robbins and he clearly got yelled at by a lawyer during this one too, just like John Amra was throughout all of the Goop Lab because he's he's saying whatever he's saying about what's what's the name of his thing? Vertical spine.

Network spinal. Network spinal. So he's describing his nonsense network spinal thing. But at the end of every thought, he has to mumble like, also get real medicine, y'all say, I was told you're something you're real medicine. Clearly a lawyer made him do that, it was so fun.

At the next seminar, like his lawyer, I actually has a microphone at the back of the room and he's the one who's like saying this after every sentence to be twice as hard. And also goes here real doctor. We tried that with Andrew and live shows, it's a whole thing. Yeah, it was just a whole lot of, yeah.

Yeah, if you want to see a better spinal thing, go see this is spinal tap. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, much better spinal video. All right, well, I got to say every single moment of the goop lab feels like a good time to take a break. This is one of those times.

It's one of all the times now. So we're going to do that. And when we come back, we'll see if Donnie Epstein's or always the same as a duck's consciousness or whatever, he'll be a witch or not. Spoiler, it does. They weigh the same. Hi, I'm going to Paltrow, you know, from shallow how. Anyway, I realized that my job couldn't just be making out with Matt Damon, I wanted

to change the world, which is why I created poop laps. The only 100% holistic plumbing service endorsed by me, went with Paltrow, you know, from three minutes of some of the Avenger movies. Today, I'm speaking with Holistic Plumber, Shit Squeezer, Pipedream. So, shit squeezer, what are you doing? Well, Gwyneth, in today's fast-moving world, people spend so much time on their phones. Pops have water. I look at those pops. Was that vague enough? Legal. Did he use the word plumber? Did you use the word plumber?

Very much did not. Then we're good. Yeah. So today we'll be helping out Poo plebs own heath and right. Heath. Tell us what's going on here. Okay. Yeah. So I was eating a subway sandwich on the toilet and I go to grab my second one from the place where I took it. Sorry. You're second. You're second subway sandwich on the my sandwich shelf in my bathroom where I keep the other one. Yeah.

So I was doing that. I end up dropping the first one and that, you know, that yoga mat bread just swells up like a life raft and haven't been able to flush since. So that's my problem. Sure. I see. Shit squeezer, what's really going on here?

Yeah, so often what we think of as toilet clogs. Okay, just to be clear, it's definitely a toilet clog. It seems like you're going to get into something else. It is actually matter that is blocking the flow of energy and matter through a pot. Wow. That is technically true. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to take this wrench. Oh, are you actually allowed to call it a wrench? It's just with an R. Oh, okay. Yeah. Good. And I'm going to I'm going to wave it around the toilet.

Just kind of kind of wave in it. Mm-hmm. Heath, is that helped? Well, what? Real quick, just a reminder, you are on TV. I am, yeah, yes, television. Yeah, the toilets fixed. Thank you, shit, Squeezer.

Amazing. Next week on poop labs is putting poop back inside your body healthier. I asked it as a question, so I won't go to jail. Lulu, Lulu, doing Eli stuff. Eli stuff is my face. Hey, Eli. doing Eli stuff Eli stuff is my face. Hey Eli. Oh, okay. I guess I have to ask why do you have Jonathan tied up and gagged in the other room? No reason. Hey, what do you think of my new hat? It's very large. It's a big hat. Right. Yeah. 20 gallons had to order it custom. Great. So this wouldn't have anything to do with your hair loss, would it? Hair loss, what? I don't, you're the one. Well, who has, nonetheless, why don't you just try four hymns.com? What's four hymns.com? Four hymns.com is a one-stop shop for hair loss,

skin care, and sexual wellness for men. Ooh, they sell me new skin? No, no, what, no. Because I've been looking to buy skin. No, I know, I know you are. It's not that. So hymns is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and FDA-approved products to help treat hair loss. Mmm, that's weirdly vague language you're using.

They have doctors who can prescribe you monocidil. Oh, that's cool. That's weirdly vague language you're using. They have doctors who can prescribe human oxidil. Oh, that's cool. That is cool. Yeah. So just answer a few quick questions, a doctor reviews it. And if they determine it's right for you, they can prescribe you medication to treat hair loss that's shipped directly to your door. That is convenient. It is. Dive into 2020 hair first. Right now, our listeners can get started with their first month free. Just go to fourhims.com slash gam. That's fourhims.com slash GM. Prescription requires an online consultation with a physician. Will determine if prescription is appropriate. Offer valid only if prescribed. Three month minimum subscription, additional

restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. Remember that's four hymns.com slash G.A.M. Hmm. Good to know. So just circling back, I feel like you've been avoiding it the whole time. Why did you tie up Jonathan? Don't worry about it. You're fine. It's fine, Jonathan. It's fine. He said, don't worry about it. Yeah. And we're back.

And if you were hoping to watch John Amaral do four nothings at once, you are in luck. He's about to do a session with four different people from the Goop staff at the same time. He's like Bobby Fisher playing everyone in a circle. It's bananas. Bobby Fisher of subatomic aura massage. Yeah. Very exciting. Yeah.

So before we see that as a prelude, we see a shot of the Goop headquarters lobby, which because I never seen it before. It looks like an Apple store got robbed and Gwyneth just moved in a handful of mid-century furniture pieces, vaguely inspired by female genitalia. It looks like a, it looks like a pure one divorce settlement. And we're going to open, so they say, yeah, he did four energy healings at once. And there's this fucking amazing moment where Greneth is like, how come no one invited me?

And there is this thing's like, because we fucking hate you. I mean, you got your own, that's why not because we hate and fear you, because you're weird. And your vagina smells like a bad candle. I don't know, just doing our own. Wouldn't it be funny if like every Goob employee secretly hates Quinneth and like they have their own and they talk behind their back when she's not around. 100% what's happening. That's not an F. Yeah. And now it's time for us to meet Julian Hugh Huff. Huff. Sure. It's Huff. Yeah. Who listeners may recognize for her multiple appearances on Dancing with the Stars, but you might also recognize her for not understanding why people were mad at her black face Halloween

costume a couple years ago. Oh, damn it. I have pasted a picture of that costume in the notes. Yeah. Full black face. Yeah. Full on. And she is the CEO of Kinnergy, which, I mean, I know Noah's not here, but I just have to point it out, is an anagram of cringey.

It would just spell it wrong, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she's here to testify that she's benefited from John Amroll's, you know, energy type one no thing. But it's very funny because of course, you know, it asks the client who's lying down to do all these weird postures. And it's like, yeah, let's see if the professional dancer will start contorting her body and response to the apples with you. Like it's her job or something.

Yeah. Julian Huff is is Gwyneth Paltrow's like Sith apprentice in this day. It's so bright. She really is. By the way, for those of you who are wondering what Julian Huff is up to these days, first of all, when you Google Kinnergy, the third autocomplete result is cult. And that is because Kinnergy is now on Oprah's 2020 tour. It's like a 9 a.m. Yoga Tai Chi plyometric combination

combined with nonsense dance class that's offered everywhere Oprah's 2020 tour. Great. Julian Huff comes out at the beginning of her class full black face dress. You got some Tai Chi. Wow. Great. God. So now it's time to treat Brian the skeptic. So yeah, so there's there. I mean, so yeah, Brian is the group software architect who is our token skeptic for the episode. Let's be frank, there's one in almost every episode of the show. It can for the episode. Let's be frank, there's one

in almost every episode of the show. It can testify to that. It's hard to imagine that there are any skeptics working at Goop. Like I feel like they screen, we must screen their job applicants on social media for any posting mentioning the Richard Dawkins foundation or liking pen and tellers bullshit. Absolutely. But they're just like establishing so hard. Like, hey, Brian, would you describe yourself as a giant skeptic who would never be fooled by anything? Because, you know, point being, if this works, it's 100% real is what we're saying.

And he's like, yes, that's right. No, well, I mean, please repeat what I just said exactly. Say that you're a giant. I was going to say what Brian, we don't know what Brian replies because Brian never gets through the second half of any sentence. He says in this episode, but the best part is like he's their website guy, right? Like they hired him from some fucking glass door tech marketing. He was working on Facebook figuring out how Nazis can promote their posts. And they were like, Hey, you want to do something a little bit more evil?

And he was like, sure, whatever. Right. This is just a guy who knows Python libraries really well. And now the most memorable thing he will ever do publicly is stand awkwardly on camera for a quarter of a second going, well, I don't really know if cut away. Yeah, right. The scientist in me wants to question everything and it also cut back in, I'm employed by Goop. Yeah. Yep.

We're also gonna work on Janay, who has chest, pain, sleep paralysis, which I say because that's how the TV show cut it the fuck together. I'm sure that she said some medical conditions and their Andrew side tackled her out of the frame. So instead they have pieced together the bad feels and wearing her body it is. Yeah, he just side tackles the editor and then editing. Boom. And it takes over the console.

Starts cutting the show. Yeah. Yeah. And then and then we go to Elise, the chief content officer who tells Amroll that for her, you know, it's been an intense few weeks, what with selling vaginal eggs to miss educated women. What with selling vaginal eggs to miseducated women and selling 400 tickets of the in-goop health retreat and generally rolling back public science literacy a good hundred years in her interviews has been tough. There's a lot of anxiety. Yeah, that must be tough for her. Yeah. And man does at least look like she's got all that she's so ready for the fucking coop documentary. As soon as this all burns down, the fire festival. Exactly. Yeah. So now we cut over to Julia and Huff again. And she's going to explain that the first time John worked on her foot, she got

mad because when she was 10, her parents got divorced and she had to live with her dance coach. Am I exaggerating or is that exactly what she fucking says? As we all know, dancers hold trauma in their feet. I mean, it's just it's just medical knowledge. And that's the thing, like she's a dancer. So when John Amaral like fondles her aura, she does dancer moves. And I'm thinking myself myself like what would happen to me then like I would I'd like pretend to look for somebody and like walk away from That's me. I don't know. Oh, it's just how I'd start doing the Makarena I thought maybe people just start doing their job

So your face down and he runs his hands over you, all the sudden you start making fun of the, whatever you can see through the little hole in the massage table. We watch the floor. Your feet are fast. Yeah, and then more concerning is you see footage of Amrul, he runs his hand back and forth

on Brian's ass, the skeptic. And he says, really nice. I'm sorry. Can I call Goop HR? Like, how would Goop HR deal with this? Like, hi, I'm a Gooper. And I think I was molested by an energy healer. Like, what are they going to do?

That's okay. We'll energy, we'll energy meet to him. And this segment, by the way, closes with this quote. It calls MC2. Yeah. It's true. The C you got to, you got it anyway. This is Joe.

Can there somewhere? Keep digging. Absolutely. Yeah. No, it's here. It's there. So and it ends with this quote, which I'm sorry, I must, I must recite because I had to watch it seven times to write it down because

it's such nonsense. This is what Amrall says. What's happening when I'm working with people is that they're feeling intense experiences and feeling that whole emotional range of absolute sensitivity and vulnerability to the range of absolute frustration, anger, and despair. Okay. Enough. Okay. Enough. Yeah. But they're all like, they're all clearly like, John's doing his stupid, wavy thing. And they're all like half orgasming and doing the whole thing. I really wanted

like James Randy to sneak in somehow and just like get behind Amarale and chloroform him, bring him down to the ground and then just watch these four people fake orgasms to the nothing that James Randi's doing in the air next to them. He's so much fun. Oh, no. And speaking of what he's doing to them, now it's time for the testimonials. So Janay is going to talk about why she started crying during her experience. Yeah. And you know and I feel really bad because a lot of the Goop staffers throughout the show, I mean, they have real anxiety, they have real traumas, they have the stress of every day life, I mean, they work at Goop and there's a way to deal with that in a healthy fashion, but they end up turning to questionable gurus who claim they can, you know, hand knife

through their bodies oras, and they're just getting exploited. Yeah. What I wrote in my notes here is like, this is what happens when people are not touched or have any fucking affection in their lives is that the first asshole who gives you a nice pat, you're like, that's fucking magic, man. I heard that, daddy. And there's just one little thing at the end of this segment here.

He explains to her that pain in your chest is sadness. And I just like to say as someone with now, Takikardia and deep vein thrombosis, I get it. John Armoral, call me. I got some work for you to do, buddy. I need some hand waving. You have those two conditions that Dr. Toget. Yes.

All right. So now it's time to move on to another testimonial of someone who didn't even get treated in the show, but this is the best they could find. Raquel, who is 40 years old and who has been diagnosed by Amaral with trauma and grief. Yeah. By the way, the first thing she says in her interview is, when I first met John Amaral, there was a woman on the table and she was screaming. That's the beginning.

Yeah, I mean, if you're going to encourage people to follow their instincts and give them to what their intuition is telling them, go with it, Raquel. Run, run fast. You're right, instincts were correct. Yeah, she's like, well, I immediately thought, I really hope this is, you know, fraud and not assault. That would be the better scenario. Good news, it was fraud.

Yeah. Yeah. So she explains that she had migraines and depression, but John helped to realize that it was because she was hungry as a child. And now, real quote, every single cell in my body is good now. Yeah, that's what I do every morning when I wake up. I just check on all of the cells in my body and like thumbs up. Guys, thumbs up. Yeah, okay.

And quick note, Elise's face throughout this commentary is fantastic. Jonathan, you have some notes on it. Yeah, so I took a little screen shot, which I hope goes on social media guys, because yeah, we're back. You guys can't see it yet. Tim, you must put this on our Facebook page. The world needs to see this, Tim. Jonathan, from the best side by side of a leak.

Go ahead, sorry, you explained it. So yes, so after the testimonial, we go back to the Goop interview room and we see Alisa's face and close up and it is amazing because she is literally the woman version of Tucker Carlson, literally same expression. I mean, you have expected to start saying the signs on climate change has not settled yet. And if you squint, you're like, is she wearing a bow tie?

She would start losing a debate to a 15 year old. It's true. So we cut back to the main room, right? We watched Tucker Carlson and drag. And then Dr. Leckos, so again, what we'll realize is he introduced at the beginning, Dr. Leckos's job is John Arnwall says something totally insane.

And then Dr. Leckos says vague words connected to medicine words. So that's gonna take the form of, there's a correlation between what happens to you and your body. Yeah. You know, when kids start to imitate adults, we're speaking in tongues in church. And I do this slowly, slowly get the hang of it. That's what's happening.

Yeah. And is this the part where Gwyneth jumps in to ask a very important question? She says, oh, you're, sounds like you're describing, do you mean like, like molecules of emotion? And John Amaral says, yes, like molecules of emotion. And that's going to be, that's going to title of the book, Molecules of Emotion, a memoir by John Hammerl. Sentimentium bonded with philium. Molecules of Emotion, the Heath and Wright story. Now with more tacky cardio. Yeah, it's funny, I studied molecular biology. We never covered molecules of emotion. Again, I must have been, must have been nodding off during that particular class. All right. Well, it's another time in the time dimension again. So we're going to take another

quick break. And when we come back, we're going to learn about proper digestion of emotion molecules. I'm pretty sure we will. Hi, I'm Jonathan Jerry. And I'm Eli Bosnick here to talk to you about a fantastic new healing process called Therupi. Therupi is based on the ancient tradition of China, the Native Americans, and whatever other ancient culture you've described inherent wisdom to. Indeed, it is. Its practitioners, known as Therupiists, spend years training in the technique

at something known as Sahakul. Indeed, they do. Therupi uses the electrical impulses from your brain to induce speech. Yes, and then vibrational therapy to the inner ear, which in turn reaches the brain. Thur-api is useful in treating depression, anxiety, trauma, and much, much more. And best of all, it can be supplemented

with natural remedies that come from nature. That's right, Eli. None of the medications prescribed by your Theropias don't come from the natural world. No anti-matter here. So, if you've got stuff you're dealing with, why not try the end up with a weirdo doing slow motion disco over your butt. And then I think we'll go for dinner or something. What about you?

Oh us? Yeah, it's actually fun. She said she doesn't need to do anything special for Valentine's Day. So now stop right there. Oh, uh, where are you? Dan Dinkins, love Translator, and you're about to make a big mistake. I am. Nobody wants nothing for Valentine's Day,

because everyone wants to feel loved. You're Maloink? That's true. Yeah, but it's too late to do anything now, isn't it? It would be if it weren't for books.com. What's books.com? The books company is the best way to buy a variety of beautifully styled bouquets, sweet treats, plants, gifts, and succulents. Wow, that does sound good. But I really like to give people handmade gifts. What does that mean? It means he doesn't want to spend

a lot of money. It does? Yes, that's exactly what it means. Yep. Well, don't worry, Schema from Shining Time Station. Boog's offers bloom starting at just $39. Yeah, that does sound good. It is good. Boog's sent us some product and they smell amazing and look fantastic.

Get 25% off your order from the Boog's company to boqqs.com slash awful or using the code awful at checkout. Man, that's okay. That's great. She's really going to appreciate this. So he wants to ask for outfit stuff. No. Yes, I do. And we're back. And now it's time for John Amaral and his reluctant evil assistant to the regional energy shaman to give a little pump fake towards a real piece of science, but then go right back to the nonsense. Yeah. Is that right? Do they not, they mentioned something real for a second year, right, Jonathan? They do. They mentioned the work of Candace Perth. I was not familiar with her. I had to look her up. She was a genuine neuroscientist, and she's credited with discovering the

receptor to which endorphins bind in the brain. She held important positions at the National Institute of Mental Health. So, you know, a genuine scientist. And she thought small protein-like molecules exchanged by neurons were responsible for our emotions, which, you know, emotions aren't balls of mystical energy. There must be some physical correlates, so not a bad idea. So, I think this may be a case of respectable science being stretched out of recognition by group, like a used up therapeutic ban you use for scratching. Or, as we might call it, molecules of emotion check mates. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yep.

Gwyneth just described this as molecules of emotion. And they're like, well, speaking of which, this is a real science thing that we said next to molecules of emotion. So that's a connection. There you go. Perfect. Yeah. And then leko's, and this is the bit that I love where he says, of emotion. So that's a connection. There you go. Perfect. And then lecos, and this is the bit that I love where he says, I don't think the technology's quite there

to measure energy healing. What? My job is immeasurable, the important. Yeah, so in the beginning we're told you can measure this and now as a system saying, you can't measure this. Ha ha ha. And we're all you can measure this and now is the system saying you can't measure this. I'm always like, shut up, shut up. I mean, you can measure the body, but not the thing we did never mind.

And then again, he's just entirely going to debunk himself here. Aproposal of nothing, he decides to volunteer just because something hasn't been proven. Doesn't mean it doesn't work. Yeah. And just because something isn't proven doesn't mean you can't charge 500 bucks an hour. I actually, I don't know how much ammo charges for this because it's not on his website and he only takes on VIPs as personal clients because he's figured out that celebrities have money and they can convince them can be convinced of practically anything.

Oh, it's market, right? It's if you have to ask, you can't afford it level. Yeah. Yeah, it's brilliant. It's not on the menu. Yeah. And this is when we get to see him doing a little bit more of his nonsense, uh, or a massage thing. And he starts announcing what he's doing.

He's like, and now I'm putting my hand in the, the most sensitive part of your aura, which is, you know, four to six feet away. Again, not the distance that he is from the body. It's fine. And they don't respond a couple of times right away, like they're fucking supposed to in the script. And he's like, I said, now I'm putting my hand in the sensitive, but like, yeah, seems

like you wouldn't have to announce which parts of the aura you're manipulating, because, you know, they'd feel that if it was real, right? Yeah. He's like a bad magician who's working with like ad hoc assistants who weren't practiced for this. Yeah, he brings his hand up, he way, way up to tap into Alisa's energy. Like he needs to find good reception. And I thought people like him were opposed to 5G wireless, but I guess I guess I would love

it. I would love it if Amarol fell on hard times and he had to star in a revival of those old Verizon commercials. Can you feel me now? Can you feel my bad touch now? And I just want to point out there's a little moment here. We take a side note here to point out that if you think this is bullshit, you're sexist, which I think was a fucking brilliant technique, right?

They do this little interview where Gwen, Ethan, Elise are talking about how like women aren't allowed to scream and their voices are silenced in society and you make weird noises when Amaral does this thing. Therefore, don't make good points about other sociological stuff and then go back to your bullshit science fake stuff. No, absolutely not. No. I thought they were going to pan over to Janae and she was just going to be like, what? Pan, pan, pan's back again. Nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it. Yeah. Then when Elise, when Elise talks about her own personal experience, Gwyneth says,

could you get any goop here? And I, again, I get the feeling that Gwyneth surrounds herself with crack pots and fantasy prone personalities who picture like the weirdest stuff, but she's actually the level-headed one, but she's so tired from her juice cleanses that she's like, all right, let's sound rocks in the air. I don't know. I'm sure I call it Madison, why not?

My vagina doesn't feel JD enough. Yeah, let's do it. Great. Yeah. She uses the word, she like very clearly uses the word goop or goopy to mean liar here. Like she's really aware of it. I loved it. I loved that little moment. Yeah. Quick self-awareness. But the also thing that's great is like, it's very clearly someone's been like, it's all about self-branding. Like make sure you're working the brand in, right? It would be like if every time we made a good joke on the show, I was like, oh, these got awful movies, am I right? I just determined, could you be any more got awful? Right.

Also, this is where Elise, I think she says, right after John did his awesome, amazing healing to me, I started dry heaving a lot. What? Yep. Like it was a positive, like, are you supposed to dry heav after a healthy thing happens to you? Is that how that works? Because she says it felt like an exorcism, right?

Yeah. That's the line for the trailer. Like it felt like an exorcism, right? Yeah. That's the line for the trailer. I had an exorcism. That's what she's talking about. Yeah, it's very upsetting, especially as the person watching it who knew that nothing happened to her, then nothing somehow did a bad thing. Yeah, they could have said nothing. Several times, a couple more times in this episode, they'll be like,

yeah, I know I vomited too. Totally. That's, that's, that's, it's good. We, John Amaral makes you vomit, like real science vomit, positive. That's on his business card. But now it's time to learn it. Last about what happened during Gwyneth's session with Joe. Oh, yes. She cried a lot. And Amrall says that she internalizes so much stuff about the character she plays. And I get it. I would also be crying a lot if I'd start in shallow howl in a fat suit.

Yeah. I wrote in my notes, she internalizes the character she plays. I just wanted to watch that energy session. He's doing the mock arena over her unconscious body Just going like this is that time he threw you into the fire in Iron Man 3. I remember that was hard for you This is another weird flex too like hey, you know what I was not having enough of in my life dry heaving and weeping and John I'm a

Fixed it for me for the low low of, I'm a multi-millionaire. You can't afford it. Yeah. And then we're going to close this with another hard-hitting question from Elise who asks, doing this work, how do you keep your energy real quote? How do you keep your energy clean and straw? Yeah, I'm sure the money helps. Yeah, I'm sure the money helps. Yeah, right. I spend hundreds of thousands

of dollars on Oramisage from John Amaral, wink, tooth sparkle, ding. Yeah, it's, it's so rough. Well, what's great is that he doesn't have an answer for it, right? Because obviously, of course, if this was real and you were constantly diving your hands into the chocolate pudding of other people's anxiety that wavers six feet from their body, it would affect you in some way. But because he's not doing anything really, he's like, Oh, no, it's, that's great cardio. Just, you know, Hey, macarena, macarena, macarena, macarena. An Ameral workout DVD. All right. So now it's time to actually watch Gwyneth during her section.

And we're going to learn that she's very tired. Yeah. Anorexic looking Gwyneth, who does juice cleanses, is mysteriously drained of energy. It defies explanation. We're going to come from, yeah. Also this is where she's going to explain that her Caesarian scar acts up when John works on her. Yeah. And he says, this is his response to that. Well, you know, we don't consider rupturing our energetic planes when we get

a C section. Yep. I don't know what to say about that. I mean, it's just, I don't know. Just going in to get your tonsils removed and you're like, cool, cool. I'm so sorry. The anesthesiologist, can I talk to you real quick? Do you have any anesthesia for my energetic planes as well? I just don't want to go to your trauma on the, oh, I'm a crazy person. You're giving me extra. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Also, did he say that he's going to get her into her parasympathetic zone like she wasn't there, like she didn't have that going on in her body already. Yeah. Yeah. He did. Okay. I, I'm not the science guy, but Jonathan corrected me from wrong. Parasympathetics, that's like science guy, but Jonathan, correct me from wrong. Parasynpathetics, that's like your, your nerves telling your heart to go, right? Yeah, it's all the unconscious stuff. So there's

just, there's no, you don't need to do anything. It's it's so the juice cleanses had that stopping in her to some extent. And then he's like, oh, don't worry, I'm going to unplug the router, plug it back in. I'm going to brace get your brain and heart going again. You'll be fine. Yeah. And all this stuff, Elise says, you know, it's totally dismissed by most conventional doctors. Yeah, Elise, now do you think there's a reason why a majority of qualified healthcare professionals are dismissive of a notion like that?

You think, I think maybe they know something you don't. I don't know. Right. And because this is bullshit, you know, they know something you don't. I don't know. Right. And because this is bullshit, you know, you got to bring up energy, you got to bring up planes, got to bring up quantum physics, but you also have to bring up the fascia. Oh, yes. Fascia is as much a cue to medical bullshit as are you a good person is a cue to Christian bullshit? Yeah, so the fascia is basically the the saran wrap around your muscles and all that kind

of stuff. And they think we are told in this episode, I'm not making this up, that consciousness is expressed through the fascia. Now, forget the brain, right? The seat of consciousness is collagen. Guys, I'm going to have to solve this recording. I need to jump out my window. I'm going to take a second. I get it. Well, again, Jonathan, I don't mean to correct you, but I'm pretty sure they're basically liquid crystal. Like, you know, when you touch an LCD screen and it's a consciousness, it's like that. I mean, you should probably read up on it. That's literally what he says. He says it's like when you touch an LCD screen. Yeah, he said that. And by the way, it's not like they're not going to back this up with another very real doctor. It is where we're going to meet James Oshman, whose first Google result is energy medicine

university.org and looks like Gary Busy drank Polyjuice potion of a baby. This is the best. They introduced this by being like, hey, just, you know, quick thing. Doctors say that you're a liar. I think Elise says that and he's like, Hey Elise, can I talk to you over here off camera? Really quick. Great.

And then they come back into the frame. Actually, Elise, there's a doctor of philosophy who disagrees with what you just said. What you say really soft? Doctor of what? Nothing. Dr. Nick Seed, next. Philosophy. I feel like he said philosophy. Is that the same?

Oh, and I just one more quote from this section. This is where John says, we're coming up against some limitations of the matter-to-matter kind of healing where you do physical work on the physical. So again, translation, the problem with medicine is that it does too much stuff. Yeah. He must have watched Dr. Strangel and thought, I could do that. I need a cape now. Just going to find Tilda Swinton. He already has a cape. Definitely already has a cape. Absolutely. A hundred percent. They like made him take it off right before every scene. Yeah. No question. So now we're going to meet him take it off right before every scene. Yeah.

No question. So now we're going to meet another testimonial. This is John 57 who was cured. Which is not a Bible quote of his numbness. Yeah. And just to be very clear, he had lymphoma, but this program is not claiming they cured his lymphoma. They cured his numbness.

Now correct me if I'm wrong. He never had what you know He had numbness and then the doctor said you have a 50 50 chance of remaining numb It's almost as if they're also telling you that you have a 50 50 chance of not remaining numb Almost like numbers mean something like they add up, mathematic. Yeah. And the reason she is because he paid John Amaral for a bunch of sessions and then after never being touched physically by John Amaral, his spine felt better and he had some, you know, feeling again in his body.

So one of those 250 fifties happened. Yeah. Yep. And now it's time for the fourth dimensional butthole. So we've been teasing it throughout the program, but it's time for Dr. Legolas the Elf to try his own hand and energy healing. And I'm going to describe what I saw. I want you guys to jump

right in if you didn't see this. He points to Janice butthole and goes, this, this right here, this is a super receptive spot. And this is where the evil assistant is super reluctant. He's just like, okay, you're pointing at the victim. Sorry, the page. Can I say no? Can't say page. You're pointing at the butthole though, right? I don't feel comfortable. Okay, but before we continue making fun of this, I mean, this is, this is the part of the episode where I got genuinely angry because there are two white men, right? And they're hovering above this black woman who's a goob staffer today Janay. And she's face down on massage table and they both start touching her bum, calling the area quote, more receptive, quote, kind of like a sponge that quote, it draws

you in that quote. There's really, there's a lot of energy flowing right in this one little point. And he tells the other guy to ask her to quote, open up her body. And the other guy says he felt his hand go inside her body. Now, given the fetishization of black women's bums, I'm, I'm the only one who felt uncomfortable and angry watching this. Oh my God. This is terrible.

Absolutely uncomfortable. Also because leko's very stearly has to fake it. So he's like, yeah, no, my, my hand went through her. I would like to not call it a booty. Stop. Can I holding up that card that says call it a booty? But yep, my hand went into her. And I, and then he says, you know, I was thinking maybe that was bullshit. But then my hand went through her head. And I was then he says, you know, I was thinking maybe that was bullshit, but then my hand went through her head and I was like, well, this is very real. And just one other thing about let go's during this weird violation scene. Why is he wearing scrub pants here?

Science. Do anyone else notice he was wearing scrub pants? They're called science fans. Science fans. Yeah. Just like that's real. You're not legally allowed to sue someone for wearing scrub. You can't wear the top. You can't wear the top at the bottom is lie. Yeah, just like that's real. You're not legally allowed to sue someone for wearing a cap. You can't wear the top at the bottom is fine. Yeah, God, that was so

creepy. I want that's I mean, the reason he ends up touching our head, the assistant guys, because he was clearly uncomfortable. He was like, stop. You just said to that my hand got pulled into her but hold you just said you we need can we just do this not anywhere else on the body but this would be great and then they're like okay yeah I mean there's magical energy dimensions in the neck too is this better not much but yeah a little bit I guess somewhat less worse and then again as we teased earlier they say that jane woke up in the middle of the night and threw up for an hour. Yeah. Which is really not good because, and look, most of the time when this stuff happens,

it's because someone uses like bullshit, untested CBD oil to massage somebody and they forget to mention it or whatever it is. But like, you shouldn't be throwing up from the nothing. The worst possible thing that could happen to you during this energy medicine healing is something. Yep, that happened. Yeah, and this is this is one of those times when Gwith jumps in and she's like, Oh, yeah, no, totally. This vomiting. That's the best. That's how you know it's good. The first time with John for me, I also barfed. Well, no, I didn't. I I thought I was going to barf. I had like a real bar fee feel So mine work too, right that's the positive right John?

That's what you said She tries to be a story-topper with I also felt like I need to Oh, guys like it's like hanging out with five year olds and one of them like scrapes his knee and then the other one Just like points to a random part on their body is like me also. Here. Yeah. Well, she was vomiting molecules of metabolized emotion probably.

That's what happens. That's winning. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's all about purging, right? It's all about it. It goes way back to, you know, religious belief of like, there's bad stuff inside of me, and I need to purge it from my body. Yeah, molecules of humors, emotional humor molecules.

Demons, goop demons. Now it's time to close things up with final thoughts. And first final thought is that Gwyneth now touches herself and that's energy healing. Yeah, Gwyneth says to the cat, I mean, she tells people that she starts to feel out of body when she's at work sometimes and she has to put her hands over her throat and the heart. Gwyneth, if you're having freakish out of body experiences at work, you need to see

a mental health specialist. That'd be great. We also check in with Brian, who we haven't seen for any of this fucking episode, nor did we, by the way, interview him about how his energy healing session went, even though he was one of the four people. But we will get half a sentence of him here. Yeah, he says, he says, I could almost feel where his hands were going to be without seeing them. I mean, it's almost like Amarol was telling him very clearly and loudly what he was about to do. Yeah, also almost feeling where his hands were is not feeling where his hands were. That's what those words mean. Yeah, and Brian ends this by saying, you know, the scientist in me wants to think about this or do any research hard cutaway.

We will never see Brian again. He might as well end it by going, but like lying down is nice that please don't fire me, man, I just honestly, I really just know HTML five and a lot of guys know HTML four. I really didn't think I was going to be on camera for this. I'd like to go back to working for the Russians. And that's where episode, whatever about the energy experiences is over. Okay, last question before we wrap it up. After watching John Amaral at work, how are you guys feeling like butthole energy wise? Better, we're same. Does energy die a reaccount? I mean, that's what I've been feeling.

Yeah, that's what I've been feeling. I'm parching. It's good. Yeah, I have a much wet heave. Good. Yeah. I have a much wet heave. All right. On that note, we're going to close it out, but we're still doing this podcast apparently and not becoming oric butthole therapists. That's what Andrew told us we have to do in this instead. So tell us Eli, what's on deck? Sing over me. Great. XGAY Country Star documentary here we come. Fantastic. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 233 to a merciful close.

Big thanks to double J. John and then Jerry for joining us again. Can I call you double J? Is that okay? I don't know you're gonna have to earn that I guess. J J as long as you as long as you admit that Montreal bagels are better than New York bagels and you absolutely not cut and we're back. Big thanks to Jonathan Jerry for joining us again full name and for for some more skipping the BDS and doing just the M with us, much appreciated. And if the listeners wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? So I write for the McGill Office of Science and Society, separating sense from nonsense for the

public. Everything that I do is on my website, Jonathan Jerry dotcom. I have a podcast called the Body of Evidence, which is awesome, and I'm on Twitter at CrackedScience. Fantastic. And New York bagels are better. Once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon donors. If you'd like to support the arts of hating other arts, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash Godawful. They'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode. And also 43, I believe and counting bonus episodes about movies like cats, the musical, the movie. And sometimes movies with Mark Wahlberg in them. Oh, get excited, bro.

You can also help us out. Well, we have some five store of you on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheists, the Citation Needed, and the Skeptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher, or wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Sl few of the evil giraffes on Mars, all other

music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark, and all that was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Jonathan Jerry and Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathen Wright, promising to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the animal house. Breakfast, crab balls, we better go. We better go. We better go. We better go.

John Amroll went on to Don, a great jacket, and horn-ring glasses for a new series of Verizon commercials, in which his famous line was, can you feel my hand now? Can you feel my hand now? Soon after that commercial, Don Amaral got taken to court where victim showed the jury on a doll's aura where he touched her. Brian the Goop Skeptic would be fired for refusing to drink his own pee next season. Or guy, just wanted to make a website. Get him on the show, get website on the show. Get on the show.

Nice lack delay. More. I'm using my standing desk again. And I took all my rubber bands away. So you won't hear the twanging. Are you standing up right now? Ground. I am standing up like a gentleman with scholar. Yeah. And my slowly sagging into a chair. Yes. Everybody thinks that every so excited their first day with the standing desk. Oh, you just have one now? Yeah. I just, I have one. I'm just standing up. I have a sit stand desk.

Nice. I have a, because when I'm sitting, the microphone is not close up to my mouth. So I have to record standing up, but it's good. It's good for the legs. Good for the legs. And I was getting deep vein thrombosis. So yeah, Get a good. I really was fucking A low level of it. And now it's going away. I did. I was I was getting that one red leg thing and I was like, oh, God

The important thing is not standing up. The important thing is moving. Yeah, we're not not staying in one position for long periods of time because Ask Cash here is about the wonders of standing up Yeah, yeah, I got to get a mat. I have carpet, but I got to get a mat Yes, I got to get a mat. I have one as well. I have carpet and a step stool a lot of websites tell me I need a step stool. That's the big thing. A lot of websites will tell you you need a J-Deg. Yeah. That's true.

To agree about that. And then Morgan put in like a, did it in it in it in it in it in it. Oh, I was sure you did a poop labs on. Now sadly, I just need a Morgan sweet sweet harpsichord rev what are you doing? Hey if you lose it I can't do it. He's going stupid.

He's going to shoot for five free missions. That's a high-versonic chat now. He's going to shatter the windows in his office. Oh good. I got I'm muting my thing. Okay. If you would like to buy a shit squeeze or pipe cream t-shirt. Oh God. Okay. And this may take several takes. Let's see how it can do this. Yeah, there's also an additional second on my end. What's that Jonathan? You think Staten still work?

All right. Anyways, Keith, you want to bring us back into the show? Yes. Oh. That's my favorite thing to do to every skeptic in my life right now. Stop talking shut up shut up shut up. You never do. He lives outside tackled by Jonathan. He ran the Montreal.

Yeah, but Marsh tackled me at the exact same time from the other side. So I'm just standing up in a lot of pain. All right, you'll hear you'll heal in a year or two. But, the preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, cap your rate 2020 all rates reserved.