God Awful Movies - 235: Belle and the Beast

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

This week, guest masochist Anna Bosnick joins us for an atheist review of "Belle and the Beast"... or something like that. The movie changes titles more often than most. But it's the story of a petulant two year old being a full grown man and a woman falling in love with him for no reason but the fact that she's the love interest. Hear more from Anna here: https://www.annabosnick.com/ --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And just that Craig shows up and he's like, hey guys, so what's up? And he starts drinking his juice. And she's like, did you get my dad fired? And I just want to dip to drink the juice for the rest of the movie. I didn't have to. I said I had to. Craig, you're eventually going to finish the juice and have to answer the question. Okay.

Spin it back into the glass. You. Spin it back into the glass? You're spinning it back into the glass. This is really dirty. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be snow illusions. He's going to be unable to join us today, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic, Noah Valentine's Day, secular and what could be more romantic, honestly? Well, I've got an intro written out. Let me just go ahead and read this one. We're also excited to welcome a returning guest, Mazicus. She's musical. She's hilarious. She's pregnant and therefore easily nauseated in the Eli Vastor to watch this movie. Anyway, and a Bosnick happy Valentine's Day. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Noah. Happy Valentine's Day to you too. You know, Valentine's Day is my

anniversary and I could have spend it at a platinum night for a live show. My wife's thrilled. Valentine's Day to you too. You know, Valentine's Day is my anniversary, and I'm gonna spend it at a platinum night for a live show, my wife's thrilled. Oh, that bet she is. You said you wanted to go out to a nice restaurant. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All right, so tell us Anna. What will be breaking down today? God, who the fuck knows? Right. Who depends on who, yeah.

It really does. It depends on this movie isn't sure what time it came out. It isn't sure what it's called or who's in it. God, it's got two different titles, but according to Prime, which we watched it on, Bell and the Beast, a Christian romance. It's the story of a woman being turned

into an unpaid servant by a guy who thinks she's less valuable than a vase. So yeah, it's a Christian romance. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And do you like how bad was this movie? Well, if you love Beauty in the Beast, but you hate beauty concepts, you will love this movie. Look, there have been a lot of retellings of Beauty in the Beast. Some good, some bad. I'm going to venture that this is the first retelling that I think fails to tell the story

of beauty and the beauty. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, if it wasn't for the giveaway title, there'd be no indication that's what they were basing us on at all. No. All right. So I want to say upfront, I know that the like, you know, play modes are for your fetus

and it'll get smarter, think it's nonsense. And obviously you guys are banking on it being nonsense here. But if it wasn't, what do you think? What do you think? You guys just did your unborn child. I mean, oh, God, my baby kicked me more times during this movie than I think any of the other ones I've ever sat beside Eli while he was watching. Like it's crazy. I turned to Eli. I was like, I am not the only one who doesn't like

this movie right now. Well, spoiler alert for later in the movie, but I think our baby learned some pretty sweet karate skills. That's right. Spoiler alert. Oh my god. That's totally what it was. Yeah. No, I guarantee you the star of this film had I will show off my Sweet Roddy skills and I will punch through sugar glass in his god damn contract He didn't want to be paid. He came to him and say, you know what you guys guys don't have to pay me. All I want, all I really need in life. This is just show off my sweet moitai cleanse. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh my God, there's so much to choose from. I'm going to say best worst concept of dates. Dates like hasn't going on a date. No, hasn't going out where people think that going out means literally just going outside to do that. Yeah, outdoor shot counts as a date in this movie.

You're right, actually. In fact, throughout the movie, people do stuff outdoors that you wouldn't want to do outdoors. And it's perpetually winter in this town, apparently. So like, it's stupid. Yeah, no, actually, like, you know, best worst understanding of outside would also be a nightmare. Yeah, that would be a very, yep, yep. All right. Well, you know what?

Interestingly enough, I'm going to go with best worst understanding of insight in a sense. So very clearly part of this movie is getting good video of this mansion that is probably for sale, right? They rented this mansion and the person was like, okay, but I want good video of every single room. So like we will, for no reason at all, we'll have scenes that take place in the garage

and in the hot in the fucking helps kitchen and shit. They'll be like, why are we in this stand? This fucking walk and closet right now is like, oh, right. Oh, hanging things. Spacious. See, judging by the mix of like decor, I was assuming that this was multiple different hotel lobbies that they were shooting at. But that, you know what, your idea makes more sense. Yeah. Also, we'll never forget hot tub room. We'll get to it, but we'll never forget hot tub room.

Oh, God. Ever. It's imprinted in my memory. See, I was going to go with best worst villain, Camuppance. So, uh, spoiler alert, the villain of this movie is a serial killer-esque level stalker. Yeah. Who gets the protagonist's dad fired and his Camuppance will be a shoved. Yeah. I don't know that this movie knows that this movie's villain is a villain. There's like a 40 to 50% chance in my mind that if I asked these writers, they'd be like,

I mean, you know, Craig's heart is in the right place. Yeah, but someone's house to ask him on a date. Yeah, man, it's me to the person, but this was filmed in 1998. So, you know, they didn't know back then. Yeah, exactly. Like, no, I was, I was actually shocked by the end of it when I was like, okay, they do know he's, he's not the good guy, right? Like for a long time, it played like he might be the love interest.

Like the story might actually be about her eventually, like stopping being such a bitch and going out with him, right? Yeah, man. We've seen movies that were like that. Yeah, exactly. Right. 235 Christian movies later, you never assume the weird guy who shows up at your house is the bad guy. Yeah, right.

He's not the love of a dress. Particularly if it's him or the rich guy. Yeah, exactly. Right. So, well, tell you what, there's a lot of petulant massage you need to come. And since Eli's been off Twitter for a while, he's not prepared for that stuff. He's going to need a quick break while he steals his nerves. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the petulant massage. And he that is Bell and the beasts, a latter day Christian romantic tale. Okay. Ready.

Do you have the jelly bean? For the last time, yes, I have the jelly bean. Okay. Go. Yankee doodle went to dinner. Hey, goes. I'm really sorry that I have to ask this, but what are you he's doing? No, what are you doing here? Oh, yeah, I guess that's a good question. In the world of this show, we all live

in the same house, which admittedly feels way weirder with you involved. Yeah, especially considering I'm pregnant now. You're like Yoko Ono. Yeah, and it is way more talented than Yoko Ono. That's true. I'm sorry. I forgive you.

Anyway, what are you guys doing? I'm trying to keep Eli and good dental habits. By bribing him with candy and singing a song while he brushes. Yep. Yeah. Why don't you just try quip? What's quip? Well quip makes good dental habits simple,

starting with an electric toothbrush, refillable floss, and anti-cabody toothpaste. Does it have Mickey Mouse? I don't know if it has Mickey Mouse, but quips electric brush has sensitive sonic vibrations with a built-in timer and 30 second pulses to guide a full and even clean. Plus, Quip delivers fresh brush heads, floss, and toothpaste refills to your door every three months with free shipping. So your routine is always right. That does sound really good. And if you go to getquip.com slash awful right now,

you'll get your first refill for free. That's your first refill free at getquip.com slash awful. Spell G-E-T-Q-I-P dot com slash awful. Quit the good habits company. Okay, you're good. Pfft, jelly bean. Here. Broom, Yuck!

Mint again! Wasn't that gonna defeat the purpose of brushing? Yeah, it would, if it wasn't just frozen toothpaste. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Mint and candies. Alright, everyone. Welcome to the first writer's meeting of beauty and the beast a Christian romance or

Bell in the beast the latter day tail. Yes. Yes, or bell in the beast the latter day tail in case this Movie thing doesn't work out. Um, by the way Hit me Hit you Not visit like with ideas for the movie. Oh, okay, yeah. I mean, it's just the story of Beauty and the Beast, right? Right, right, totally. Well, I have seen that movie.

So, someone else can go first, I think. You know what? I've also seen the movie so many times. So many. Someone else should go first. Just that isn't me,, I've also seen the movie so many times. So many. Someone else. Someone else should go first. Just that isn't me because I've seen it. Yeah.

So much. Seriously? Uh, okay. So it's about this girl. Who's Christian? Helping, helping. Yeah, she's Christian. Yeah, she's Christian, sure.

And her father is kidnapped by a prince who's been turned into a beast. Which in our version will be extorted by an ex-alcoholic. How are those two things similar? They're both mean. They are, both mean. Yeah, both mean. Jesus. Yes, lots of him

Anyway, so they fall in love and this guy from the town gathers up a mob to kill the beast. Oh wait In our version who's the guy from town? Oh, so his name is Gaston and he's super pushing and gross Yeah, it sounds to me like you just really likes Bell. Yeah, I mean really why was Bell was Belle wearing that anyway? Great point. That's a great point. I can what? Never mind. We'll figure it out. Yeah. Anyway, at the end, she kisses him and he turns back into a human. Christian, great. Okay. Well, that's our movie. Now, on to serious stuff. What's our third backup title in case this doesn't work out? Oh, how about please, please, please, please watch this. I love it. And we're back for the breakdown.

And we're going to start off with a logo that makes you just instinctively think, oh, this app is going to suck. I said, with inquest, mother fucker, brought to you by the fact that two thirds of Amazon Prime I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I'm boring. Oh my God, they were trying to go for the actual Disney movie music or something like it because it's like this, this little piano line that sort of kind of sounds like the music from the beginning of it. It's, it's not.

How dare they, basically how dare they try to imitate that award-winning fucking soundtrack? Yeah, it's the Chinatown Gucci knockoff of that soundtrack. Yeah, exactly. It's not even a real piano. It's just like a piano track on a keyboard. Right. Right. Yeah. Oh, all right. So we start off on we got this narrator, right? Because we have to we desperately have to tell people that this is a beauty in the beast, retelling otherwise they wouldn't notice. So we start off with this narrator going like, once upon a time, there lived the prettiest girl

in our Christian acting class and a guy. And pretty good set of abs on him. So we made a fucking movie. By the way, this is accompanied by the drone work done by Kobe Bryant's helicopter pilot. Very much going for like sweeping views of Utah or wherever the yeah, but it's it's just nauseating. It's dropping and flying up.

It's a tree. We watch them fish it out. Also, just want to say we get a vision of Bell's car here. Bell exact same car as Heath and right. Just say it. Also, just want to say we get a vision of Bell's car here. Bell? Exact same car as Heath and Wright. Just say it. Just say it. Yeah.

And this movie originally was made in the 1998 and they're like, there was a beautiful girl named Bell. She loved her family. She loved God. And I got to say anybody named Bell in the 90s, any family that named their daughter Bell in the 90s does not deserve their daughter's love. That's a rough one. So yeah, and so we introduce her and yes, she's very Christian and loves Jesus a ton.

And then we introduce this angry rich guy who everyone in town, he's so angry and bitter that everyone in town calls him the beast. Yeah, and in between that aerial shot and this shot someone has slathered the lens in Vaseline. Yeah, this is the first hotel lobby shot that we get. Yeah, the first of many. Oh, many. All right, so it's time for us to meet the beast and he's he's bitching

at this poor old lady that he had issues his his his made cook servant mom. Yeah. Right. Right. He was either Mrs. Hagen or Mrs. Haywood. I think it changes throughout the business. It's Mrs. Actually, it's neither. It's Mrs. Hayood. Yeah, at least according to IMDB and the credits at the end, it's Mrs. Heygood. And he's like, obediently with a very first scene of the movie proper, she slides him over what looks like a pretty damn good breakfast. And he just goes, that looks like an awesome breakfast. It had made me like, I need bacon right now when I saw that. Yeah, right. It had like, there were four slices of bacon. There was some fruit with some like, compost shit going on over here. There was some eggs. Look great.

He goes, what the fuck is this? I want this and then he storms off. Yeah. He eats like a two year old, just loading up on carbs. He literally wants a bag. He's like, no, don't want protein. What? I honestly don't want X want Y. We just completely sums up his entire act one character. Yep. Also, the clothes in his closet are brought to you by the designer from Knight at the Rocksbury. There isn't a fabric in this guy's closet that does not shy. No, not at all. I just, because he keeps, like throughout the whole movie, he keeps bitching at Mrs. Heygood. I want it so bad to find out like the act three twist is that that's his mom. You know, his last time is Heygood, but no, it's anyway. Yeah. So, and like

she's, and they have to do this like four times so that you really get that he's an asshole, right? So she's like, here's your breakfast. She's like, well, here's your newspaper. She's like, fuck you. I don't even like this. Just a reminder, the fireplace repairments come by. Fuck you. Why would I want to know about my fireplace? Right? Like over and over again. Yeah. There's also this amazing moment as he exits the scene where she goes, oh, Eric, what do you need solitude for? And I wrote my notes, me to Heathen, right? All right.

So now we're going to cut in to a dentist office where we meet two women, one of whom is the girl from passage to Zara Hamla It's one of the wait is Anna played is that character no, not Anna the main character Bell. Oh really? Chick with the dimples you could fuck. Sorry that I Yeah, but I do I recognize you're from somewhere I looked at her up on IMDB and yes She has been in the Christian movie before. She is a Mormon Christian actor and, uh, yeah, we first met in Mormon like 16 or something planned.

Uh, the love interest in passage does have a goodness. Yeah. And hey, I'll say it, her career has gone exactly the same hill. Yeah. Straight hill. She invents the straight hill career Yeah, not uphill, not downhill. Straight hill. She invents the straight hill career. It was a plateau.

Yeah, no, we, we, we, uh, and I think it ended after this movie. Oh, wow. So this dentist's office. All right, she, they are dressed like dendelaide dentist. This is the first where I'll be like, okay, cool. She's got, but I talk about her doing homework tonight. So like, okay, cool. So she's, but I talk about her doing homework tonight. So like, okay, cool.

So she's going back to school to maybe become an actual dentist instead of a dental hygienist, right? Because she must have already had some medical training if she's a dental hygienist. I will be wrong about every assumption I make about this woman. Oh my God, her educational pathway is so baffling. I make no sense. She must be like 34 and it has seven full starts and shit in her career or something. I, yeah, I have no fucking idea.

She's got like a sea soul level education. It's weird. And by the way, and just when you thought that this Christian movie was going to pass the back deltas, the two of them are just talking about, oh, you sure work very hard. Yeah, I'm going back to school blah, blah, blah, then at the very end they revealed that the entire point of the conversation is that one of the girls male cousin is interested in the other one. Yep. So yeah. Yeah. She's like, please go on a date with my cousin. He could tie his shoes and everything. But she is not interested. No, not. She is not. And by the way, this is quite

literally all that these two characters will speak about is, do you want to fuck my cousin now? It's like a new Verizon commercial. It's all anybody wants to talk about with Bell because she's like, oh, yeah, no, I got home. I'm like, why would you want an education? You have a vagina. Fill it. Yes, right. Right. And that is virtually every character's assessment of our uponmate and our young. Yeah. All right. So we cut over back to rich guy. He's at his house.

There's a guy there fixing his fireplace and he's yelling at his assistant. Well, he then fights, right? He's all angry at her for fucking up the big thing, the business. Yeah. And they do that weird movie trope where it big thing, the business thing. And they do that weird movie trope where it's like, you're fired. You can't fire me. I quit. And I have never understood that in movies, but he has the weirdest take of it at all,

where he's like, I'm not going to pay you for the last few weeks because that's how quitting works. Yeah. He acts. Well, he acts like a, you know, we're talking about before he acts like a grumpy two year old, like he is seconds away in the end of the scene from stamping his feet and holding his breath. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So she storms off the assistant, she gets fired or quits or whatever, storms up. And then just then the poor fireplace repairmen accidentally knocks over a vase.

Oh, see at this point in my notes, I'm like, oh, well, luckily, electricians tend to have insurance for that shit. I mean, I was a fiddle teacher and I wasn't, I was covered for breaking something and someone's family can have it like, yeah, it'll be fine. He'll just do this. But a little do I know. No, not in this, they don't have shit like that in this universe.

No. Apparently, because Eric immediately screams at him, do you know how much this is worth? It's worth more than your life, and I just wrote in my notes, I measure stuff in lives. Yes, this base was worth more than the lives of mere mortals. Well, then why do you have it just sitting on that fucking pillar? Are you idiot? And then because again, this movie, this insurant list universe that they live in, I don't know what the

fucking rules are here. He goes, I'm going to call your boss and get you fired for knocking over my face. Like that is not out any fucking job work. But that everyone in the movie will act from that point on like well yeah I know he does have that right. He can invoked he get you fired for breaking his face guard at any time. It's true. At this point he says, well, this is broken. Now, gross bread. I was a fire. I think I, you, just, I've ruined my day. It's all your fault. Yeah. He also threatens to call the police and I really wanted that to happen. Just like, hello, police. Someone here accidentally broke something of mine. What do you mean stop calling here?

I am not a tantal tale. You're a tantal tale. I'm the very supposed to show me the toothbrush at the price that's on the back. Didn't never receipt on it. That means it's free. What I love to the way that they set the stakes up for the Zico is I'm going to

call your boss tomorrow morning and have you fires like why not just now? Right now. Obviously, this is working hours. I'm working. I'm going to busy day today, but tomorrow, between nine and nine thirty.

I'm going to be so happy in the right now. All right. So, okay. Then we cut to what we eventually realize is that guy's family, which includes dimple girl bell. And that's how stupid this fucking movie is. I had her down as dimple girl because I forgotten the character's name in the title. Anyway, it bell was the titles. Right, right.

Thank you. One but not the other. So yeah, she is the oldest daughter of the fireplace repairman. And he also has two younger kids. So we're meeting all of them. But at first, we think that she's the mom. I was like, I had to delete so goddamn many notes when I realized what the dynamic of this family was. Also, I just need to point this out. Someone appears to be making tea in the background of this scene at the full volume of anything else in this scene. Yep.

Oh, I have a lot of audio notes as we go forward. Yeah. Oh yeah. Someone might as well just be saying, Lulu, Lulu, not controlling the folly stuff, not controlling the folly stuff as my favorite stuff. Well, we also meet her younger siblings in this scene. And I don't know why this is a universal thing in all bad movies, let alone Christian movies. It's the younger brother always

hates his older sisters. Oh, yeah. Always. And this one who appears to be like 14 years old is doing like stupid stuff like, and he can't be used to it. Way he can use that. Like it's this movie doesn't understand how ages work. His entire personality is why are you repeating that? Yeah. Right. That's his entire goddamn, yeah, everything that he does in the film.

Two out of his three lines. Yep. All right. So then dad explains to his oldest daughter that he's going to get fired because the guy's going to call tomorrow morning about the vase, which is how things work in this universe, right? Yeah. Over dinner, which appears to be red jello. He really did. It's a Christian thing. They put so much shit in their jello, those Christians, it's so fucking weird. They probably just have, that's probably, that's like, let's have hamburgers

and it's like encased in red jello. I can ask for a set now. Jello hamburger. All right, so, so then a bell says that his, his 25, 23, whatever year old daughter says, I'll tell you what, dad, let me see what I can do. I'll go over to that rich guy's house tonight and see if I can save your job. Yeah, father figure in her life says, please go over to a strange entitled man's mansion in the middle of the night and ask for my job back and do whatever it takes to get my

job back. Yes. This is one of the many times that I'll be like, that is a bad death. Right. Well, it's one of the many times that I will say, this is a porn setup. Oh, definitely. Many times that we will say that. Right. Like in any other movie like that, that would just be code for she's going to go over there and blow him. Yep. and honestly, do the whole movie, I'm thinking to myself, she should have just blown him.

You get what I've been, I have a note about it later. Let's get to it. We'll get to it. Yeah, my active theory for this entire film is that this was going to be a porn and then the protagonist's mom walked on set and she was like, oh, this movie, oh, Chris, it's called Beauty and the Beast. A Christian romance.

And this movie is just made of the afternoon they had to fake it wasn't a porn. Well mom was there. She was like, man, you guys keep a lot of lotion for the actors. Yeah. Well, you know, I can't really, she, my, all right. So yeah. All right. So she drives back up. She goes over to the dudes mansion.

She goes to the little buzzer thing. She goes to the gate and she's like, yeah, I would like to bother the head of the household at 11 o'clock at night. You don't know me. And she's like, yeah, come on in. Yeah. First of all, the housekeeper is there at 11 o'clock at night, you don't know me. And she's like, yeah, come on in. Yeah. First of all, the housekeeper is there

at 11 o'clock at night. So she must be a live in housekeeper. And second of all, she just let a stranger on the premises who has a perfectly valid motive for murder. What I don't understand, what's the point of a security gate if you don't know me, but I'm here to talk to your boss is what it takes to get in just save yourself the money Yeah, so she can see and the lady not only does she let her in but she says yeah He's somewhere on the property just wander around back until you come across him

I'd be so because like she shows up and he goes what are you doing on my property? And property? And I'm like, yeah, it's not a fucking park like I mean, this guy's been an asshole about everything, but suddenly it's justified. Yeah. Judging by actually the set, it was absolutely a fucking part of the city. Cause he is sitting outside in the cold at 11 o'clock at night on a bench. Yep. Must be very comfortable. Like you do, like you do. I will just say this is the first of many times where we will realize this movie has no

idea what unmarried people do. Like this spoiler alert or married people. This doesn't they don't have any idea what people do. Yeah, but this movie is pretty sure that all single people do is like sit in various locations and play two player games by themselves. And so she explains she's there about the vase and there's this fantastic line that I really wanted them to go deeper on. He goes, do you know what fine art costs?

And I want to know what the people who wrote this movie think fine art cost. I went to the hallmark store for that face. They only had that one at the cracker fairer. That was what they had. That was the right. I love. Okay. So and then okay, here's my reading of this movie. And this is so much more fun than this goddamn movies reading of itself She went over there with the intention of just blowing him. Mm-hmm. He didn't get it Right, so he's like all right fine if you want to save your father's job And you can be my new assistant and you will work for me unpaid until I feel that the dentist would pay and that's the plot of the movie And I would love the idea of like it just be feels like I just thought I'm, I would fuck you.

Oh, this would have been so much simpler. It would be so much better. All right, but so he yeah, he sentences her to be his butler. It's just like, well, you know, I already actually have a job and I go to college. And she's like, yeah, I don't care. That's the whole plot. She puts her older brother through college as well as her two younger siblings as well as her dad who can't seem to make dinner for himself.

I'm sorry. This movie is just, it's like a family who puts everything on her. Yeah. With the entire thing. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's crazy. And it's a Christian movie so we can never actually acknowledge that that family is being shitty by expecting her to do all of that.

Yep. All right, so now we're back at her dentist job and her friend Anna wants her, you know, this is the one that wanted to go out with her cousin Craig. And she has to turn him down now. She's like, well, sorry, I can't go to the thing that I was going to go to with you and your cousin because I got sentenced to be a butler. Yeah, she's like, it's a long story, but I was basically sold into slavery because my father doesn't work for an employer with insurance.

And now I have to work off the price of this priceless vase, which would probably actually be so much easier. You just fuck me and be done with it. But instead, I'm going to do about like six months worth of a most of the labor for I'm and teach him like basic kindergarten social skills and probably get stock of syndrome for I'm at some point along the way, you know? Like you do. Like you do.

So and then oh, and this is where we have first meet Craig right the cousin. Oh yeah. The fact that the cousin looks like Gritty is a downside. I haven't I had Craig as poor man's Steve O but that says a lot because Steve O is poor man, Steve O. Exactly. Yeah, no, it's a, she says, yeah, I gotta go. I've gotta do my secret slave job now. And he walks in just as she's walking out and he goes like, was it something I said? Or is it just the fact that my face can only be described

with insects references? It's weird because what he said was, hey. Yeah, what you said is, hey, so probably not something you said. No, it's your it's your it's the way you look, man. It's your visit. It's your whole, your whole thing. So yeah, okay, she shows up to be an assistant at the beast's house. And I just want to say this is a quote unquote mansion. And if reviewing 235 Christian movies, this taught me anything. it's the terrifying idea of what Christians think nice and fancy mean. Yeah.

Yeah. She's greeted by the housekeeper who looks like every single woman I've ever met at a church gig. Yeah. I was like, somebody calls everyone dearie unironically. Yeah, shows you where the coffee is and where to stand. Yeah, so this was a Mormon production. There was no goddamn coffee, but yes.

Oh, I don't think it was a Mormon production originally. I think it was a Christian production originally and then it turned into a Mormon when they realized they couldn't fucking sell it in 1996. Yeah, it Mormons think they're Christians. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example.

It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example.

It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example.

It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. It's a weird example. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you.

We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you.

We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. We watched a lot of you. on YouTube. What do we call it a favor? So, okay, so she shows up at his thing to be the assistant. They have the argument about whether her name means beauty or the thing that goes tingling a ling when you shake it. It's so fucking stupid. Also, during the scene, the music is pretty sure he just told her she's dying of cancer

on general hospital. I don't know why. Well, she seems to be confused about the concept of running errands as his assistant. Yeah. What does she think assistants do? Right. Right. He's like, here, I have some errands for you to run.

She goes, oh. What is you? Oh, okay. Errins? Again, Noah, what did you? Okay. Errants again Noah's theory makes perfect sense. She was like, Oh, okay, you don't want to fuck me now. You want to do some weird secretary role play and then she shows up and he's like dry cleaning. And she's like, this is weird for plan. It's a weird scene.

All right. So yes, so she comes back with a dry cleaning and he tells her to put in the closet. So she wanders around the house looking for a closet with suits. And like, she isn't in it. Right. Well, this is the part where I was like, okay. So they're going for like the beauty and the beast scene where she's like running, wandering around and trying to find the east wing where it keeps his enchanted rose that makes him more of I guess a nozzle every time a pedal falls off. And I was like, I was just hopefully a mahogany side table will anthropomorphize and

start singing to her. So I was hoping she was accidentally going to stumble across this fabulous multi room drag wardrobe and this movie would have me back. So yeah, we all had dreams. Yeah, we all had dreams. But what was actually happening is we needed to see the walk in closets in this very lovely mansion that they rented. Yep. And the room with the Bible in it.

Oh, yeah. No, it's not a rose. It's a Bible. And I will say this, there is a giant menorah on the hearth behind the room with the Bible in it. And I just had this moment where I was like, they know that's a menorah, right? And then I was like, wait, no, they don't. They don't. And there were some Christian prop designers that obviously went, saw some ironwork menorah,

like art new foam and menorah at Pier One and they were like, ooh Deborah look fancy candle Laura. Yes, but nine whole candles. Imagine being so fancy you own nine candles. I was thinking of the same thing as I saw. I was like, they don't even know, dude, they're just, they're all the fucking way out in Utah. They have no God to my team. I was like, please let the menorah start singing. But also, but also we once a bagel earlier instead of his breakfast and there's a menor.

I'm like, what if he's Jewish? What if this is like a, got an Ebenezer Scrooge situation going on? Yeah, absolutely. I had a, I had a's Jewish? What if this is like a gun? Got an Ebidizr screwed situation going on. Yeah. Absolutely. I had a, I had a whole fan theory that didn't play out and I'm really sad. It didn't. And okay. So yeah, so she's looking around trying to figure out where to put this. And then he catches her, you know, just poking around his fucking house like she just won it in a red pool. And he's like, hey, you know, Mrs. Hey, good was here.

I was on the phone, but you're gonna ask her where the fucking suit's go. She lives here. She's the other person in this house. Jesus fucking Christ. So he walks into the closet. They put up that we see that this one. This has got a lot of lovely space.

There you could really, you could do a lot with this. This could be a small office too, If you wanted it anyway. So I think go back downstairs and I don't know. Some time later Mrs. Heygood comes in to tell him that she's baked pie to cut the tension, I guess. I want a Mrs. Heygood in my house. And I love this scene because Eric is trying to be an asshole, but like his character doesn't work for it. She's like, you want some pie, dear, and he's like, fuck, you, oh, yes, I would like some

pie. I love it because it though in the background beforehand, we just watch for a very long time Bell very suggestively licking these envelopes thinking like, as though she said, no, see what I had in mind is that I just blow you when I came over here I didn't want to get sucked into a goddamn 70s sitcom premise, but okay But at the same day, and he's like oh pie and she's like fuck it never mind I wasn't even putting anything in these envelopes never mind So I so wanted to find out later like to find that the the twist ending is that Mrs. Hey goods dad broke a mirror in that house. We was

hanging around for 40 years ago or something. Well, we don't get that anyway, but she's made them pie. Yep. And he's like, organize my books and don't talk. We eat. Alright, so anyway, she's working for Eric Moore. Right, we have to see what a dick he is. He's like, go get me a phone number and she gets the phone number. And he goes, this is the wrong phone number. And she has to go get another one, right? Well, he says, no, it's a different one. It's on the credenza.

Yeah, I, so I could have swarmed. He said, cadenza. And I were around it and I was like What the fuck is that like yeah, but maybe it's in the giant solo in the middle of But I ran it and I was so disappointed See I wanted him to keep naming more and more obscure furniture that the number could be on he's like no The cravit hanger. What are you doing? The ottoman, not that ottoman, the Swedish ottoman, the new Dutch one. I just like to thank Google for weird furniture. We're still thinking

in lots of words I could use for that joke. Oh, also this is where we first see that he likes to play basketball by himself when he's not Oh my god. Sitting out in the cold. I wanted him to be doing the announcer voice also and like a sad Yeah, yeah, they just like run off into the bushes and get it again. Yeah, they just like run off into the bushes and get it again. So I can do it. All right. So now we have Bella at home.

She's studying at her Bible when insect man shows up to see if she'd like to go on a surprise date. Does that work? Surprise dating? That seems like a dumb fucking idea. This movie seems to think that well-intentioned guys will just show up at your house being like, hey, want to go out? Yeah, that's how they seem to think it works.

Yeah. So he says, you want to go up for ice cream and she plays along. She's like, yeah, sure, I guess I will go with you for ice cream. Yeah, I'd like a change of pace. What going out for ice cream means and this guy's head is going outside of the porch and oh, have some Ben and Jerry's that I already went to the store for. I picked out your flavor. You don't even get to pick out your own goddamn Ben and Jerry's flavor.

I didn't even give you the choice of the two that I had. And then later he takes some of hers without asking. And what he had ice cream in his pocket, right? What was he gonna do if she said, no, would he just sit on her porch and eat both of them and sit on her porch and eat both of them, absolutely. Yeah. To see its episodes like this,

where we need heath on the line to tell us why he went a ton in this situation. Sit on the porch and eat both of them. I can tell you. Or just go inside to eat her ice cream. situation? Sit on the porch, you need both of them, I can tell you. Or just go inside to eat or ask, but there is snow on the ground. Why do you want ice cream in the fucking snow? Huh.

Ugh. And also, I gotta put, this goddamn actor's hairline is receding so fast that you can, like you can tell it between scenes that's receded further, right? You can see it can tell like between scenes that's receded that further right you can see it happening Yeah, he just gets a tattoo of four hymns on his forehead You are listening to save a guy. This is pretty good deal, man. All right So she shows back up at at the mansion for work and Mrs. Hey could says and

She shows back up at, at the mansion for work and Mrs. Heykurd says, and this is Mrs. Heykurd will do an awful lot of this like every time Bell asks for him, she'll say like he'll be in a different room, right? So this time she goes, oh, you should find, you'll find him in the hot tub room, dearie. She says, the spa, the spa room. Oh, the spa room. That's it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, and by the way, the people who made this movie think a spa is just a room with a hot tub. And also, by the way,

like not a room that seems like a hot tub should go in it like a fucking library that you just set a hot tub in the middle of it. So weird. Right next to the literally right next to the library that you you know what's good for books steam Hot hot water having water around real good for books anyway, so they you'll go find them in the spa room And I was like Eli. This is the longest intro to a porn you've ever made me watch I can't believe I fell for it Hey, like at a certain point, it felt like the filmmakers were doing that on purpose. Yeah. Right. Like they were trying to tease you. And then I seemed like, you don't know, they could fucking this scene. Right? You know, they're not

going to answer. Christian. He's got a Bible. And she's like, go, go read something or something after you bring me the one thing that I, the one thing that I wanted. And she goes and she reads the Bible and I'm like, Bell, the Bible is his rose every time you read it, he will turn like a little bit more into a douche nozzle. I'm not a shitty person. A physical nozzle end of a douche. You got to stop touching the Bible. Yeah, so yeah, well, this is where they have their little Bible fight, right?

So he's like, oh, I hate that book that you get it away from me. It burns and he throws it in the hot tub. And she freaks the fuck out. Nobody, nobody throws Jesus in the hot tub. She dives into the hot tub to get it and shit. Yeah, her actual line here is, look, I don't know you or your reasons. She dives into the hot tub to get it and shit. Yes. Her actual line here is, look, I don't know you or your reasons. You know, why is it?

You know, fantastic writing. But yeah, he storms off after throwing the Bible in the hot tub and she like, patts it, she's like poor Bible. They're there. I shall nurse you back to hell. Yeah. And for those paying attention when he goes off, he's like, hey, Mrs. Haywood, what's for breakfast? He was hot tubbing before breakfast.

Yep. Yep. All right. And okay, this is amazing. So he tells her, he yells at bell tells her that she needs to go pack his suitcase for this trip. He's taking, doesn't know how long he's going to be gone. What kind of weather there's going to be? What kind of events will be attending? She just he just says, go pack my bag. And then we get my favorite moment in this fucking movie. This movie's free on Amazon Prime. You should watch this goddamn scene. It, it occurs at

21 minutes and 20 seconds. Okay. She's calling her friend, the other oral hygienist, calling her friend to bitch about how much she hates the job, but she's holding a phone. She doesn't do the like shoulder thing with her phone. She's holding it. So the whole time she's talking and doing this scene, she is absentmindedly trying to like fold a button down dress shirt with one hand. I'm putting it in this shirt. I did not see this until Noah put it in the notes. It's at 21 minutes and 20 seconds. It's like she's doing those airplane signals with the shirt because there's this one moment. It's so perfect.

She throws the like collar at the bottom of the shirt so that it lands kind of folded and you see the actress be like, nailed it, got it. There's more drama in this actresses' journey to fold with shirt one ended than there is in the rest of this movie. And the conversation that she's having with Anna, which by the way, I hate that I share a name with so many of these Christian movie rights, but she's like, why won't you fuck my cousin? And she's like, yeah, I know.

I'm so mean for not wanting, like 90s movies do this so often. We're like, I'm so mean for wanting to avoid this person. I don't really know. I'm not interested in literally asking him a marry him last time we saw him. Like, oh, yeah, No, he was like, wouldn't it be stupid and stupid and like dumb if we just like married each other right now, it's dumb and stupid. I bet you would. I bet you. Also, what a point out that she does sum up the

entire plot of this movie during this conversation, just in case grandma fell asleep. That's right. All right. So now, so he's off. He's gone on his trip or whatever and we get this like her just wandering around his house scene and she starts reading is His book report like everything that they have that he's written is in these like primary colored folders that like it looked like something that you would have turned in and six the nominal Yeah, and they're amazing because're, he's a consultant. We're going to learn, but he's the business consulting language that the people who wrote this movie came up with is my favorite. It's like, you need to raise profits and lower costs. I'm a consultant business business.

It's the second worst business thing we will have in this movie. Yeah, and one of the many, many scenes where we just watch a montage of people reading. And I was like, okay, now can the manure start singing? The deck lamp, the carton of eggs her pen anything like can I watch anything in this movie besides people reading it was insane Yeah, right because he like he catches her reading his book and he's like fine Then if you if you like that so much then why don't you read all of the primary colored reports in my Trapper keeper reports in my Trapper keeper. And then, oh, and then it's time for she's like, we, you know, we really have to flesh out the beast's origin story here. So she's going to go have a conversation with Mrs. Heygood. And would you know, and it's in the fucking help

kitchen in the back so that we can see that room as well. Yeah, because the help has their own kitchen and the help is just Mrs. Hagrid. I was like, she is sowing in this scene and I just wanna know, what does Mrs. Hagrid sow for this guy? What does a full grown adult need sown for them in the 90s? I'm imagining that she's like fixing his stuffed animals,

but my issue with the sowing though was that they did not turn it the goddamn fuck off during the conversation. So the entire time we get a year this fucking goddamn sewing machine in the background. in the background. So and also, by the way, I want to push back on this fucking movie Trump that they're going to like, they're going to reinforce in this scene because like, this is the part where we learn that he has the dark backstory and his wife died in blah, blah, blah. Some people are just assholes because we've chosen to be that fucking way. Okay. We didn't have to, we didn't have to die or anything like, don't try to fucking fix us. We've decided on this. Yep. Yeah, it turns out he is actually a Christian. He's just giving God the silent treatment. Yes.

Yes. Because God killed his wife. Well, yeah, he said, and I love to, Mrs. Heygood said, his wife died in an accident. And I was like, oh, right. And then he tried to make God's daughter into his butler, but he wouldn't do it. I'm bitch about it. I get it now. Okay. All my notes, by the way, for this are just, for the love of all that is good in the world,

please turn off that goddamn sun machine. I will become a Christian at least for the duration of this conversation if you shut up, this goddamn sun machine. All right, but yeah, this is also where we learned that he was an alcoholic, but he got over that. There's never really any reason for that. But anyway, that's going to pay off in a not at all.

It's going to pay off in a, yep, in a, yeah, bottle of alcohol. That's what that call. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Would have been so much more appropriate if that thing had started singing. Then I'll call it.

Yeah. All right. Well, I'll tell you the writers here have literally checked off the last thing on that act one to do list in the how to write a screenplay worksheet. So I guess we can pause for a quick break, but we'll be back soon for even more beauty and bell and the beast the romantic tale retold Christianly Mormonism

Hi, I'm Anna Bosnick, you know when he isn't having weirdly sexual gift contests with Heath and right Eli is actually an excellent gift giver. They're not weirdly sexual they're just sexual. But he's also impossible to shop for. What is that true? Impossible to legally shop for. That is fair. That is a fair piece of feedback. That's why there's box of awesome from bespoke post. What's that? bespoke post sends guys only the best stuff every month. So whether you're looking to commemorate an occasion with a champagne saber or toast perfectly aged winter cocktails, box of awesome has you covered. Oh, oh, oh, tell him about the light bulbs. That's right. Dim was one of

the boxes of awesome. They sent us. It has a cool smart lighting system and two white ambience light bulbs. I could turn them off on my phone. To get you started, take the quiz at boxofawesome.com. Your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome for you. They release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories. It's free to sign up and you can skip a month or cancel anytime. Each box costs only 45 bucks, but has over $70 worth of gear inside. Wow, 45 bucks for $70 worth of stuff. But it gets better.

Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code awful at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com code awful for 20% off your first box. Box of awesome because you can't buy, he doesn't get any grapes for Christmas. You can try. No, you can't. Hey-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K No. Thanks, I'm good. You sure? Because he like really likes you. You know I get his texts and his emails and that lock of his hair he sent me.

No, yeah, I can't. That Greg, such romantic old-fashioned. Yeah, anyways, not interested, sorry. Well, you know, if I can't convince you maybe Mr. Monkey can. Please, Bill. Go out with Greg. He's watching us and he'll hurt me if you maybe Mr. Monkey can. Please, Bill! Go out with Craig! He's watching us and he'll hurt me if you say no!

Listen, I appreciate it, Mr. Monkey. But, uh, I don't know. I just, I just think he's not the guy for me. Please, Mr. Monkey doesn't want to die! Alright, see you, Candace! Please! And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Belle asking if she can work even more for free when

she gets home, right? Because she's like reading the reports. She's like, I didn't get done with all of them. Can I take them home and do even more work for you for no money? Yeah, I don't understand why she wants to do more of this stuff. She's already putting her older brother through college and making dinner every night for her family said kids, her younger siblings and going to school and working at an orthodontistry place.

Yeah, that's enough. One would think, yeah, So she's at back home and she's reading through the reports and Craig calls to see if she wants to go out on a surprise date with him again. I wrote in my notes, Craig is outside in a tree jerking off to her through the window. Of course, there's a joke, but it turns out, yeah, he's actually asking her this from out front of her house. Yep. Yeah. So far, and also so far, there's a joke, but it turns out, yeah, he's actually asking her this from out front of her house. Yep. Yeah, so far, and also so far,

he's asked her out for ice cream, which meant Ben and Jerry's on the porch. Right, yeah. Like pocket Ben and Jerry's on the porch. What does he think going to see a movie or going out to eat means? Like, no, I don't, I don't want to eat cold takeout in your truck or watch YouTube videos on your phone.

That's not right. Exactly. He's got a fucking blockbuster rental sitting on the porch. He's like, we can see it from here. You know, you hold up the tape, you can see the whole thing. Yeah, and look, and because your sister comes by and her little sister comes there, she's like, hey, did you shoot down that boy that was going to like, she didn't shoot him down.

She like asked him to plan something with more than like six minutes notice, right? Less because he's outside right now. Yeah. Yeah, he's a boy. Why aren't you fucking? I don't understand. This little sister's quiz round gets weird. She's like, oh, was that Craig?

How does the clitoris work? All right, this is Kelly. Kelly is my favorite character. And also, by the way, Kelly is the best actor in the goddamn movie, right? She's the only person who seems like she belongs in a fucking movie. Sure.

But she's talking to the sister and she's hamming it up and she's goddamn hilarious. And she's going like, she's asking her about kissing. She's like, wait, does the boy go left in the girl go right or the boy go right in the girl go left? And of course, she's like, neither you fucking idiot. You'd be facing the same goddamn direction if you did that.

You fucking putt the gun through. Digged it all in, just digs it in. Think. Anyway, anyway, so. Girl needs better sex education. Well, yeah, right, right now, this is a Utah movie, isn't it? Yeah, there's no fucking idea. I think that's how babies are made at this point.

All right, so now, okay, we rejoined Eric this time and is giant podcast listening room. Again, I love what Christians think is nice. He's watching TV on his luxurious set of lazy boy chair sitting next to each other. Yes. I love. So he says, you know, you've read my reports, what can you tell me about my job? And she's like, the, the Oxford English Dictionary defines your job. And like she's like, she has the writers themselves could not tell you what a consultant does beyond consultants.

Yeah, she says, I really liked your analysis. How would she know if she likes his analysis? She's just reading the analysis. Right, yes. She doesn't know what he's the one. He's in. Really? You thought that that advice that Wendy should start selling shirts was good, huh? Ooh.

Yeah. She's like, well, you could be nicer. Like, you tend to just like pick them apart and tell them all the wrong things they're doing. Well, well, yeah, that's, that's what he's doing. He's like a dominatrix for companies. Well, also like this character we've already established is going to school for like an MBA, right? You would think that they could have her have say something more than like you should be nicer. Yeah, she's going to school for an MBA.

Yeah, but he's like, no, you don't get it. I'm like, I'm the Simon Cowell of business consultants. It's kind of my thing. All mean and angry. Like, so he starts, I guess, stomping around like a fucking toddler because she was, you know, less. He was mean. All right.

Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Slam and doors like me when animal let me dress a sand and wander the was you know last year was mean right yeah right right exactly slam and doors like me when animal let me dress a sand and wander the streets of our neighborhood covered in fake blood It's a whole thing The only reason I want to talk about this scene is that she then walks in while he's working out and like this is supposed to be like a Cheesecake shot of like him sweating, but he has the machine set to the lowest possible way. I'm gonna one of those little tiny ways. So funny.

And of course, this scene is really here because we haven't even seen the goddamn work out. The home jam. Yeah. He's got a whole gym. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is one of many scenes where he'll be like, okay, I'm gonna wait until she comes right through the door

and then I'm gonna do like a really cool bench press. Yeah, right now I'll do a cool spin kick just to see what I'm doing. His first line might as well be 1 million, 1 million, or more. Oh, hey, didn't see you there. All right, so we check in with her at her dentist job. Yep. And look, her friend is basically saying at this point, she's like, hey man, this plot makes no fucking sense.

Look, if your dad lost his job, you know, if you were getting paid for all this work you're doing for this guy, that would make up for it. Like if your dad worked at McDonald's, like this whole fucking movie makes no sense. I'm a character in it. Also just have to point out these orthodontists appear to have an open office plan and I am not. Also she's touching someone's teeth.

So this is one of the reasons why I was like, she must have gone through medical school before this. Why is she quitting medical school to go get an end, like a fucking business degree? Are you kidding me? This is like a good paying job. Why would you go back to school for fucking to become a dentist since she already has this? Nope. She doesn't. Yeah. And look, it's because what they could have put like they they had a buddy who had a friend who had access to this dental hygienist spot for them to do these these shots in, right? Have her be a fucking secretary. Don't touch people's teeth.

You don't have medical school. All right. So meanwhile, Eric's still business hard late that night. Uh, at which by the way, he's got the guy he has to do business, face work. So he's scribbling on a paper, but the papers not even, he's going sideways. It's not even aligned the way a paper would be if you were writing on it. Okay. This is so important because we can see it's just scribbles. Like, they know we can see it's not writing, right? There's not even the lines.

That's what Eli, that's what the Vaseline on the screen is for. It's to make it's because they don't know how to actually write words. He's a little bit of a... They're just trying to like blur it out as much as possible. But Mrs. Heygood comes in and I don't know. She offers him something and he's like, you know, you honestly, his comebacks in this are like a bad Chandler impression without the laugh track. So like could you be maybe, oh, could you be more day day day? It's really awful. So and I guess the next day like, um, he's sick, right? So, Bell catches him in bed. And I guess they realize, well, we have to start changing his personality a little bit at

some point because by the end of it, it has to be different. So that's what this scene does. He wakes up, she's putting his stuff away. She's like, oh, I didn't realize you were in bed. I'm so very embarrassed. And he's like, ah, what if I was into shower with my penis hanging out, huh? That would be even a fun shower joke. Where you going? Okay. And then he goes, he goes, Bell, I'm sorry I was an asshole to you yesterday. I've also been an asshole

literally every other second system. Minute wave. I'm not sorry about those moments, but the thing yesterday, it's been working on me. I apologize for that. He apologizes and this movie acts like she's gonna bring him a fucking metal. It's like, oh, he did this wonderful thing for you. He just said, sorry for treating you like shit. Why aren't you automatically in love with him? Right, right, why are you not crawling into that bed with the fuck's wrong with it? Oh, this is great fucking moment too, we're like later on and like, she's

going like, he's got this bottle of booze, right, that he keeps in his office. Is it? Is it? It's it's it's a blue bottle with no label on it. It's honestly closer to fancy olive oil than it would be to my nose. It looked like something a cartoon character would like put a notion or something like that. Yup.

And she likes to like so why do you keep the thing around? And he's like, if you even drink, bro. Yes, it's like, it's fucking hard. It's hard out there for an alcoholic. Yeah, when he said that, I wanted her to be like, no, but I'm a Christian. I judge people for stuff that has nothing to do with me

all the time. Yeah. So, he's like, well, look, I need to have that there so that I have something to stare longingly at in act three when our relationship is on the skids. Noah wrote this note and contemporarily in the movie and that I saw. And yeah, contemporarily contemporaneously. Sorry. Sorry. All right. So, okay.

And then we have the moment where like he gets a phone call that she takes and he forgot to do something while he was sick and she takes the blame for it now. Yeah. For no reason. Oh, because he apologized to her earlier. That's three. It makes no sense and it's supposed to show them becoming closer. But the only thing about this scene that I loved is that we see the overnight male. And the way that the people

who wrote this movie think overnight whale works is that you just write overnight on it in big red letters. There's no stamps. No scan cuts just overnight in big red letters in the fucking two fairy takes it on our way to Bayon, New Jersey. Get it right, motherfuckers. Yeah. So, okay, so now we have another like, you know, she walks in to see Mrs. Heygood and she's like, Hey, where's Eric?

And she's like, Oh, well, we haven't used which rooms have we not used yet? He'll meet you in the great room. This is so good. This is so obviously an advertisement for the house. It's like, you wait in the great room. It's next to the just okay room. Well, she says it's next to the entrance. And she's like, oh, you know, the one where I couldn't find early, like the one that I couldn't find earlier, but the closet's in it. And she's like, no, the other one. She, I'm confused as to what she saw that wasn't the great room if it's not.

It's fucking stupid. You know that big great room that you walk into as you come to the house? It's that one. The one right next to the entrance you've been walking past every single fucking day. Sure. So okay. So now, so they have this conversation. He's just, he's like realized that she was right.

He's been too much of a dick in his corporate consulting and he wants her to look through his notes and make them less angry and harsh. Now I would have said that he wanted to take the anal out of analysis. That's a great joke, but they're not allowed to use it because they're going for a Christian audience here. Sure. Sure. I will. He had her just to recap. He had her meet him in a different room of the house just to tell her that she's going to be doing more work work for him. Yes. Like the writers of this movie, you know what people liked about 50 shades of gray? All those times she was exploited for free labor.

Yeah, right. Got it. It's 50 shades of gray without the fucking. It really is. Exactly. It's so. Yep. All right.

So now she's immediately after that. We have the scene where she's like been working on his reports and he wants to see what she's written. Oh, this actress Miming, reading really hard is fantastic comedy. It's not as good as the one handed shirt fold, but it's pretty fucking great. Oh, and she's doing this outside on the balcony. She's writing in the cold while standing at wind. He gave her a desk at the beginning of this thing. There is a desk that she could be working on inside. But she's standing outside in the wind and the cold

realising reports in primary colored trappers. Yes. I have a feeling she couldn't find her way back to her desk after leaving the great room. So, she just walked outside. All right. So, yeah. So, he's like, I want to read your stuff. And she's like, well, I'm not done with it. He's like, I don't care. I want to read it anyway.

Yeah. And she's like, oh, I just wrote whatever I was thinking after he literally snatched it from her hands long pause. Why do you draw little pictures of me setting myself on fire? Yeah. Well, all her notes are just like frowny face over here, frowny face over there. You know, be nicer. You should be nicer.

Why not be nicer, right? Yeah. Looked for the love in his eyes. Try to come with a song in your heart. Ha ha ha. All right, so. And then he just shocks his own god damn report over the balcony in his temper tantrum.

I love how the movie, the movie makers make time works in his next set of scenes. Yup. He chucks, he chucks the thing over the, over the balcony and then goes and plays pool with himself. Yes. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I now wanted every scene in the movie to begin with him playing more and more complicated

games all on his own. The finale takes place. He's skating around his private hockey rink scoring goals on himself. So it custom playing pool with himself and then to her after the game after he's played a full game. She finally has figured out her way downstairs to pick up the papers. Right. Well, and then yeah, and then he goes, she hasn't picked up two of them by the time he comes downstairs and apologizes and helps her put these papers back together. It took her a whole game of pool to walk downstairs. Well, she had to get out find her way through the great room and All right, and then okay, so then they're gonna wander down a garden path together and fall in love. Oh They're gonna leave half the papers on the ground. They totally are. Yes

There's gonna be like four five papers still sitting there and it'll go what now this garden path with me should be like Fucking fine, whatever Somebody will get this shit. And then this is so awesome. So they're walking down this garden path. And this is clearly all the lines were written before the writer saw the place they were going to be walking. The lines are very clearly witnessed

though they're walking through a garden, but they're not. They're walking through a forest, right? So he's going like trees and winter. Yeah, right. She's going is so beautiful. He's like, yeah, my wife planted all of this. I'm like, the trees she planted a fucking forest was this 30 years ago when you came back. What the hell are you talking about? She hasn't planted all that moss on the rock. Yeah. What are you even talking about? And also, but they walk and of course we're here because there's a little garden path

in the mansion and we also have to show that part for the realty purposes, but it's really short. So they only walk like seven or eight steps and then he's like, all right, I got to get back to work. I wanted to take you on this eight step stroll, but now you're on your own. Yeah, and he's like kind of snarky at the end of it too. And I'm like, God, I really wish this was the Disney movie. Where is the point where she braids his hair and teaches him how to eat with a spoon?

This is just so much business. All right. So now he comes across, this is, it gets really weird at this point. So he comes across her doing her homework at his place. And then we end up with this helping her with our homework montage. Okay. Can we talk about the music of this montage? First of all, the music of the montage

and them speaking to each other are at the exact same volume. Yes, they are competing for your attention. Yes they are. If the singer of the music in this montage isn't related to someone in this movie or in this movie, I'll eat my own ball sack. It's my promise to you.

Oh my god. This is not just the worst song that exists. Okay. This is the worst song that could exist theoretically in all possible worlds. It's also in this montage where we learn that her undergrad degree is a fucking English degree, which does not give you the authority to touch people's fucking teeth. Yes, that no medical training. I couldn't get, I'm sorry. But my mouth just turned into all caps of like just, and she's going for a business, this makes no fucking sense. So she went and she got a degree, a certificate or whatever it is that you need to be an oral hygienist. And then she went and got an English degree. And now she's going back for an

MBA. And then and after that, she's going to be an engineer. It'll be a space man. be a space man. What? But this montage. Oh, well, and also, by the way, the song is not mixed correctly. It's got a very dirty garagey sound to it. The rest of the movie doesn't have everything is bad about this. Oh, yeah. There's at one point where they're like showing that they're starting to enjoy like working together and he's throwing a stress ball around and she catches it and then tosses it back to him And I just wanted him to like I wanted to show that his anger hadn't fully caught away And he just throws the stress ball in his last away It's in the face with it or something All right, and so and then and now they're even having fun together instead of playing billiards all by himself

He's playing with her Mm-hmm, and that's where the montage kicks out right so they're they're not there. They're two of them are upstairs playing billiards together when Craig the stalker shows up at her job to bother her Yep Craig is here wearing a skin suit made out of your dad. When do you want to talk to him? No, she actually meets him in the great room, which is funny. Yeah, she does. And they have him, Craig turned away from the camera near a bush and I swear to God, I thought he was peeing in a bush. And I came downstairs and I was like, oh, they've ramped up the crazy on the road fast. See, but nope.

Ironically, my first note was, hey, I brought you a jar of my pee. We're all on the same lines. Yeah, right. It's so, yeah. And like this movie is so very clearly trying its hardest not to piss off all the crags that are watching it. It's there. It's a very Craig centric world view this. Yeah, because we'll look because the target audience of this movie is sitting here watching this fucking thing with their husband, who is at this point saying, well, if you had gone to work for some rich

fucker, when I had decided that I was going to date you before you had agreed, I'd have gone over there and gave him a piece of my mind, right? Well, he also doesn't know any of the like reasons why she started working for him. So he just thinks that this is her second job. And he's showing up and he's guilt tripping her about not seeing anybody in town and not having time for anything anymore. Meanwhile, she's putting a fucking person through college and being dad to her two other siblings and like it's it's just yeah, it's crazy. He gets mad at her for working. Right. And by the way,

fucking Craig having a crush on her does not create an obligation on her part for fuck's sake. Does he barely ever acknowledges that? And she's like, I appreciate it. Oh, he calls her, what is the college? Because they can't like swear in this. And Mr. Riches, that's the insult they lay on the. Mr. Riches. And she's like, I appreciate that you think you own me because we're after all the only

two single people in town. And that's what everybody keeps harping about. But you will respect the man who thinks I am cheaper than a face. Well, she, like, yeah, no, when she calls him Mr. Riches, he might as well have used the N word, right? She is exactly. He might as well just throw in a Bible and a hot tub. She freaks the fuck out on that one. Yeah.

Later in my notes, I write Riches is his word. You could say Riches. Oh, all right, so this is so good. Then they realized that they haven't shot this. I swear to fucking God. They haven't shot any scenes yet in the three car garage of this mansion. So she literally catch. They have no reason for him to be in the garage. So she catches him like looking for something in his car. Yep. Yep. It's totally not him setting up. Oh, I bet she's gonna like look at my sweet car collection. Yeah, right. Yeah. Another like perfectly set up moment for her to walk in on. Don't bother to my Mia. This is my Lamborghini. But this is where he invites her to the big business meeting date dinner.

Thing. Yeah. Me a real dinner outside the house. We're not going to just eat bad and Jerry's on your porch, are you? Cause I've been sick before. Pull me once, you know. And so, yeah, so we got a quick scene of her and her friend having the date not a date conversation Mm-hmm, and then he picks her up Oh

And she is dressed for the goddamn prom, right? Not even not even the prom. She is dressed for a Jane Austen novel Think Regency era England, but less revealing. Like she's got a god damn show. Really wanted this business dinner to be at Chili's and she's just wearing that ball gown. Spoiler alert for the next scene, It will be the nicest Olive Garden in the town. They shot this movie in. The one by the mall, other good one. Yeah, hell yeah.

All right, so now that we, they go to this fancy restaurant and we meet plastic surgeries daughter. She sure is happy to see Craig there with a lady. Oh, they might as well put the women at the kids table together. I had this woman as like, I imagine her showing up to her plastic surgeon and saying, can I have the dolly part? Yeah, right. Yeah.

And he says, no, well, no, but I'm going to get you as close as you we can for $700 in that coupon. Yeah. But she approves that she's bringing someone along. Yeah. That's good. And they start. So now we have to have him having this conversation with all these other various business people, the business, business, business conversation. And it's just, they're all sitting around going like, yeah, we can fire those people. Yep. We sure could fire those people. Yeah, they would not have jobs anymore. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And she's like, yep, we sure could fire those people. Yeah, they would not have jobs anymore. And she's like, um, you shouldn't fire people for funzees like, and then they're all like,

wait a minute, what the hell is this woman talking about? Rebel, Rebel business, Rebel, Rebel. Also, I totally didn't care about the business talk, but what I did care about was the prop work here. Um, they very clearly serve her a slice of cheesecake with a bite taken out of it for a previous cake. She's mad was there. She says our famous cheesecake with a bite taken out of it. I hope you enjoy. You should want to to make sure it was fresh.

It is from only the finest cheesecake factory. All right. So okay, then we get this amazing goddamn scene, right? Because it has already alluded to going out, just means being outdoors in this film. So he takes her up to this mountain thing. Now, this whole goddamn scene is shot in the fucking dark. We can see some big black silhouettes against dark blue snow. If those people were not talking,

you would not be able to peg those moving shapes as human goddamn beings. So they drive up this mountain. And the line line is I didn't know this was up here. You didn't know this mountain was up here. I thought. I think it was. I just I thought it was just a mountain. Not again a mountain. Very very clearly written for before they knew where they were shooting

this movie. It's supposed to be like, she's like, I thought you went up 800 feet. You'd be out of the simulation altogether. It's very clearly meant to be like a lovely valley or anything. But again, we can't emphasize enough. it is just a barren field, which they tried to hide by shooting at night. Yeah. And he's like, come over here and you're, and sit on this pile of snow with me and you're just Sierra Gown with no coat and talk to me about how real God is. All right.

So here's the amazing thing. I figured this out. And when I say I figure this out late, I mean, I figured this out just this very moment. They're sitting in front of a frozen lake. That was a lake. Right. That's what she's saying. She did. Yeah. We can't tell because it's goddamn dark. But later he throws it when they come back to this and he throws the bottle into the lake. That's what she's talking about. Right. That's the. I didn't know this was up here. She's talking about the lake, but we had no goddamn idea

because we can't see that there's a lake there because we might as well just be looking in a black goddamn screen. Well, also, I think there must be snow covering or something because I legit thought that was a puddle. Yeah, no, no, no, no. There is, it's completely covered in ice and snow too. Yeah, so the bat and the dark. Yeah,

Jesus. Oh my God. So okay, so the two of them start talking about they have to have the conversation about his dead wife Honestly, when it was just them doing romance scenes, I just skipped through it. It was the same shit over and over It goes like oh god, oh, well, okay So the only thing you need to know about this scene, then, is that when, when, when his wife died in an auto accident, he was driving and quote, the left front tire hit the road wrong and we crashed. You know, sometimes, you know, sometimes it hits it wheel first and sometimes it hits

it. Our first. I have no idea what the fuck that's supposed to mean. And then, and by the way, and her, and she's like, and ever since, he's like, and ever since that I've hated God. And she's just like, man, that was fucking years ago. You need to get over that shit. You just, wow.

Really? Still 12 of them? All right. And by the way, at the end of this scene, Bell says sometimes bad things happen to good people, which is true, but not a point or even on her side of the conversation. No, no, no. It's the end of the conversation about whether or not God is evil, but this movie is pretty sure it's her Trump card.

Yeah. Well, he doesn't not believe in God. He just is mad at him. Right. Like that we've established that he's not an atheist. He just is mad at God for killing his wife. Right, no, he wanted God to see him throw that Bible in that hot.

Yeah. Exactly. Oh, I bet they used to stunt Bible for it, right? I bet they, I bet they, anyway. He used to copy a Harry Potter so that they wouldn't all. Yeah. All right, so he drives her home. And they, and they finished the conversation up

with a very like, hey, you know, sometimes bad stuff is actually good stuff. What if maybe God just bumped off your wife so you could fuck me later, yeah? You know what I mean? Yep. Yeah. Thinking out loud, just thinking out loud.

I was just writing my notes. I am very used to the, I just proved God isn't real at dinner silence when you're dropping someone off. And it a lot of takes in that very silent polite quiet. Oh, that's funny. And we get a Bible reading montage. Another reading montage, fun. Yeah, well, and then we get, we get a Bible reading montage for her and a Bible almost reading montage for him.

Right? Like this terrible song starts playing and he's like, he's looking at the wet Bible. And he's like, oh, there's, this is just the enact too. I can't not yet. No, no. Yeah, it's not Bible ready yet.

You know how I know this is Christian music in the background, though, because the only accompaniment in this song's piano and they didn't bother to get a real piano for the recording. It's just, it's like the pro tools grand piano, grand Steinway piano mod on the keyboard. Right, yeah, exactly. And by the way, it's melody four on that as well, if in case you're curious. Yeah. All right. Well, Anyway, this movie needs a second to come up with a conflict. So we're gonna give it a minute, but first let me give Actually the hard sell here.

Can they come up with a variable that fits into the can they accident time formula in time? How much longer can we keep this Episode going without the benefit of a plot? How the fuck is this like beauty in the beast? Find out the answer to most of these questions and more when we return for the excite list conclusion of the beast and the bell, a letter day Christian tale of romance. I mean, mostly it's because I like to have the actual thing to plug into the mic. No, I get that, but it's just so much stuff to have in the studio. Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna. He said I'm going bald. Ah, don't be silly. You're not going bald. You just got that haircut. That's right, that bad haircut from six years ago.

That's right. Six years ago, you just got really bad haircut. See, he, he, I told you it was just my hair cut. What was that all about? Oh, he was just a little sensitive about losing his hair. Oh, why doesn't he just try fourhimps.com? What's fourhimps.com? It's a one-stop shop for hair loss skin care and sexual wellness for men.

Really no internet pills. Did you learn nothing from Eli's investment in the magic beans? No, no, Hems is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and FDA approved products to help treat hair loss. No snake oil pills or gas station counter supplements, prescription solutions backed by science.

Oh, that does sound good, but doesn't he need to go to the doctor or something for that? Well, four hymns can actually do real doctors online, which could save you hours completely confidential and discrete. But that's going to be super expensive, right? Not at all. Dive into 2020 hair first. Right now, our listeners can get started with their first month free. Go to four hymns.com slash cam. That's four hymns.com slash cam. Prescription requires an online consultation with a physician who will determine if a prescription and The most interesting thing is handsome juice. Well then what have I been giving you? That's what I said. Handsome juice?

I don't want to talk about it. I've mostly been using isotope. Oh, I hear good stuff by their plugins. Yeah, yeah, it's okay. It's chill. Fuck you, Noah. Yeah, yeah, it's okay. Oh, it's, it's chill. Fuck you Noah, fuck you, right in the face. Really good, yeah, it's really good.

Dude, sorry, Eli, what the hell? Oh, sorry about that Noah, my wife died. And you know how we atheists get when our wives die. Wait, what? I didn't die, Eli. Oh, you did though. When you sneeze, your heart stops. Okay, Eli, one one that's not true

It's true and you you fat hairy bitch no illusions seriously dude. I'm I'm sorry. It's dusty Yeah, sorry. No, I've watched 235 Christian movies. I know how these things go. This is not how these things go Okay, people don't die when they sneeze They they don't know Oh, well, I'm really sorry about that. No, you see I was thinking Fuck you people people don't die when they fart either Eli. No, that was me Yeah, he's got you there. I'm gonna go open a window. Oh come on on. See? No, my wife left me. Go to the doctor. No.

And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left off, we were starting to see Eric's softer side. But in case you didn't catch that, don't worry. The movie's about to completely divert for 10 goddamn minutes to clumsily reinforce that. I'm just part of the movie is useless and does not matter. Well, actually, I can see what they were going for. They're like, like, he's working for her now, which is crazy.

Right, yeah, right. Yeah, he walks out and like, he's like, oh, you must be cold. Let me bring you a blanket and tuck you in because this is a Christian movie He's studying outside again in the cold and she could be studying Well, because we hadn't seen that lovely patio yet Yeah, I wrote my notes at this point where he's like talking a blanket in a runner like what is their relationship now? Is it a daddy daughter dumb thing go and look what I have it boss who's the but I don't Okay, anyway

But she realizes she's like oh fuck I gotta go I have an exam in 10 minutes luckily my school is nine minutes away I guess and just then she gets a call from her little sister. Somebody has to pick her little sister up from school because she got in trouble and she's getting suspended. Oh, no, whoever could do it. Yeah, because she doesn't want her to call her dad because he'll get mad. So she's like making her sister parent her instead.

Yeah, yeah, I assume she's in trouble for headbutting someone while trying to kiss them. Well, and then Eric is like, Oh, hey, I, no big deal. I, I've, I've softened up significantly since act one. And I'm sure a school will just entrust a 12 year old girl with whoever shows up and claims her, right? Yeah. Uh, yeah, it's, so this is what the movie was going for. So in the beginning, she had to pick up his laundry. And now there are rolls of switch. He's picking up her sister, laundry sister. It's like the same, same value there.

So. So. Yeah. So he goes to claim this 12 year, though, don't worry. He's got the little, he's got the coach check tag for her or whatever. But that's like the principal would like to have a talk with him. Now, this will be the first of six or seven scenes in act three where like the person interrupting you, as you're trying to to say no, no, you, there's been a misunderstanding.

Like their interruption is vital to the scene continuing. Yep. Right. Because the principles like, look, I understand that you and your daughter's relationship is like, oh, oh, oh, I'm not the, and the principles like, please don't interrupt me while I'm talking and keep going, right? You're fucking up the whole plot. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

You're probably, yeah, now there is, of course, as Eli said, no reason for this part of the movie to exist whatsoever. No, no, right. So it doesn't fuck up the plot, but it certainly fucks up the scene. Yeah. Yeah. So they have this whole little, oh, tee, he, and, and eventually Eric, by the way, just starts playing along with the, yes, his my daughter, whatever.

principles like, you know what the worst problem with kids these days is, his parents have to work all the time. Yeah. How dare you go to work and not spend time with your child? Bunch of fucking assholes. Yeah. So he picks the sister up and then they have a little heart to heart moment. And again, I fucking love Kelly. I know this has nothing to do heart to heart moment. And again, I fucking love Kelly.

I know this has nothing to do with anything else in the movie, but I fucking love Kelly. So I'm all for this thing. She turns to him. She goes, does your mansion really have secret passages? And first of all, Kelly, think, think it fucking through. It's like the head butt thing. If he said yes, they wouldn't be secret anymore. Fucking idiot. She also explains that her mom never yelled at her.

I wanted her to be like, she didn't care what I did. She used to say, be gay, do crimes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Chess stupid bell. Yep. And that's that scene, by the way. Yeah. He learns that Bell is mom now. Yeah. Yeah, right. Nothing was established with that.

And no, by the way, we'll never pull the trigger on the now Eric knows her little sister thing. Nothing. Okay. So now it's time for I would say the point of the film. This is the part where Bell catches Eric showing off his contractually obligated more tireskills. He's doing his sweet fucking kicks. Oh my God.

And he does that like she walks in and he like does a spin kick and he's like, whoa, you're lucky. I almost killed you with my sweet karate skills. Remember to explain risk control to you later, but yeah, luckily I have the reflexes of a cat like he wasn't waiting for her to walk in the door. Perfectly time to do that spin kick. Oh, he's, you know, there's a mirror on the other side of that wall that we can't see everything. He changed clothes Just for this girl. Well, and you know that he knew she was coming otherwise that whole cata would have started with and then I'd be like So yeah, so he's doing his sweet karate and by the way like the whole scene is she walks in and he does

And then she goes, oh, thank you for that last scene. He's like, you're very welcome. And then she leaves. That's it. Yep. The point of this scene, as Noah said, the point of this movie is the show off his sweet credits. Yes.

And well, we also get some McDonald's. She's like, oh, and by the way, we should eat some McDonald's later. Oh, okay. This is the most realistically disgusting fast food burger that I have ever seen in a movie. And it made me want a fast food burger so bad. Awful. It was so gross.

It was so gross. Oh, man. It was, it looks really, really gross and perfect and wonderful. And I wanted it in my body. Anyway, so they do, you know what pairs well with Mickey D's is talking about dead moms. Yes. Okay, so they do, you know what pairs well with Mickey D's is talking about dead moms. So they have the whole thing about like over this, these burgers and I rewound the tape three times just to make sure I was seeing this correctly.

Her bun does not have a burger in it. It's true, I check. It's eating a sesame bun with lettuce and tomato and nothing else. And I am more angry about this fact than anything else in this movie. She fucking Eli that shit didn't she? Yes, she liked that shit. She was a vegan before it was cool. Yeah. So I'm sorry is it cool now? And the hell did that? Yeah, but they have this conversation where he's going like hey, you know, maybe God hates you too. We could get into some kinky shit then We both give up on them now. We're going we're going the other way. Okay. All right

Also, she didn't she's like I didn't think it be into fast food because she's only ever seen him scream at his housekeeper for making him vegetables. What? Yeah, right. Right. You clearly never seen him get a fucking bagel from Duncan. Well, my chicken nuggets. So, all right. So yeah. And then he has to fly to New York City for some reason for business. And this only exists so that they can have this couple of scenes where they realize

that they're missing each other. Mm-hmm. Oh, he calls to check in on her from Times Square because that's a recognizable place in the taxi cab and he's like, yeah, we're going to this fancy place later. It's called the Olive Garden, New Big Deal. New York City. You maybe heard of it.

And then like, no, you hang up. They have, they have, like, right, right. Yes. I know you. And what I love is, so what they give, this is, this is their New York City, by the way, they give us some B-roll of Times Square at Night, right, with none of the characters from this movie in it.

And then we see him in a car, which we're supposed to assume is a cab, but like New York City is like the one place in the goddamn country where I can look outside the window, see the sort of blurry lights out of focus in the background and go, nope, not New York City. No, that is not what cab seats look like. No, that's far too clean to be cab seats. And no, that's as your buddies to be cabs. And no, that's as your buddy's basotte right there. Yeah.

All right. So she's she's fending at the dentist office and her friend, of course, only can exist in a scene if she's explaining how much Craig still wants to have sex with her, right? Yeah. Like my cousin still wants to fuck you. Remember my cousin from Act One and she says she feels I feel bad last time I was so rude for him because he was mad at me for working. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause he showed up at my job and was mad at me for working at that job. Yes. Right. So she agrees. She finally caves in and agrees to go on a lunch date with Greg, right? And he takes her out of the house to a actual restaurant. Right. And just when you're thinking, man, maybe he's figured out what a date is.

He goes, I rented movies. You want to come to my house and watch them? Oh, dude. They're mostly of you through your bathroom window. But anyway, I rented the camera that made them. me. I read to the camera that made them. Well, like, and for, okay, first of all, no, dude, you take her to a goddamn movie. And secondly, or you take her to the video store and let her have some say in what movies get rented. And third, some

movies, you're, you wanted to go over there and watch four hours plus a movie. Fuck fuck you what the hell is Jesus if I seem rude and weirdly possesses of you. It's because I like you so much Yeah, and he touches her This is the first time that he's like do he starts doing the weird like I'm gonna touch your hand when I tell you these things Yeah, and I wanted so bad for her to go full boy Thai clench on him. You know, I saw this morning. It is cool spin. That would have tied it in.

Brutate all together. No, it's controlling. We almost, we cannot help but accidentally write a better movie than this. Exactly. They need us to go through there and put frowny faces in their notes. All right. So now, stalker dude is checking in with the dentist, office friend.

And this is where like, Anna, her friend explains that she's only working for Eric because her dad broke the vase. Thank right. Like he, she fills him in on that part of the plot. Creepy poor man, Steve O, it turns out is the strangest version you've ever seen of Gaston. And he's like, oh, obviously I have to save her from this, but we'll find out how he does that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So okay, so Eric gets back from his trip to New York and Mrs. Hego is like, hey, you know, we should probably really revisit this whole premise, right? Because the plot no longer makes sense. Does she really think that now that you're tucking her in with the blanket, you're still going to get her dad fired? And also, are you going to call his job and say three weeks ago he broke my face and now I want to find that.

That just none of this makes any sense anymore. Yeah, and he's like, I know she's worked off the vase But she's so cute. Can we keep her please? Yeah, but you have to take her on the walks by yourself. Yeah, you have to clean up after her All right, so then okay, we have to like finally have the moment where Bell tells Craig, no, look, I am not romantically interested in you. Yeah. Yeah. He opens up this conversation by being like, hey, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out on any of the times or any of the days.

Which, this should have been a phone call. He shows up at her house to have this conversation instead of calling her on the phone and being like, Hey, you want to go out sometime? Also, when they're having this conversation, they step into shot. Like someone very clearly off cameras like you're not in the shot. So we watch them like, yeah, one backwards into the shot as they're speaking to each other. And she is amazingly clear about how she doesn't like. She's like, I'm just not interested in you that way. I'd love to be friends still, but I just don't see you that way. To which he says, when you change your mind, I'll be here.

And then she goes to respond like, that's not that's a weird thing for you to say is like no no no any touches her fucking face To shut her up. Yeah, there is so much unwanted face touching in this movie. Oh Yeah, right he shushes her and then she's like okay I'm fucking leaving and at least and then I wrote my nose. Okay good. This movie knows he's the bad guy. Oh good And at least and then I wrote my nose, okay, good. This movie knows he's the bad guy. Oh good. Yep, right? Like it has to at this point and then and it proves that to me then he goes to his car and he calls her dad's boss Pretending to be Eric Landry the beast guy rich dude and gets her dad fired after all And I really really wanted to overhear that conversation just hello. This is Eric Landry, the villain.

I have an employee I'd like you to fire from a month ago. What do he do? I don't know if I've had that information as a character, but just, oh, you'll fire him. Great, wonderful. I can only conclude from the stakes of this movie that like Bell's dad, like brings child porn into work or constantly profilitizes to his co-workers and they've just been begging for an excuse to fire him. Right. Yeah. Exactly. All right. So Bell is about to go see Eric for some datey type, not quite a date thing or whatever. And then

her dad comes in full-mop and he's like, yeah, they fucking fired me for breaking that base three and a half weeks ago. Apparently, he called and told him to fire me. So now, so she storms over to his house, slap him. This is where the my tie wrist control thing actually pays off. She actually slaps him. She slaps this actor so hard He spends the rest of the movie nursing his cheek. He's supposed to be crying in the scene and this actress is like crying is smiling Right wet smiling Also, this is immediately followed by a being sad montage and I mean this. If the sound editor of this movie reaches out, I will teach you gain balance for free.

I will teach you how to do it. Oh, yeah, the worst song ever contest gets a new contestant as we watch everybody be sad for a bit. God, this song, someone was like, heard a Tom Wait song, was like, you know what? I could probably do that. I just got to start smoking, right? So get a gravely voice. And by the way, this montage, this sadness much, because they didn't know how to cut the song down or anything apparently, right? They couldn't figure out how to make a shorter version of it.

So they had to have as much montage as they had song. It was so bloated and just droned on for so long that Eli literally wrote a scene break into the middle of it. Okay. Well, that's because it fades a little bit. It's like, okay, so this is the end of the montage. They start talking over it, but no, they don't fade it out.

I was like, wow, they are not fading that music entirely out. They're lyrics. And then they fade it back in just so the fucking friend at the dentist can say, yeah, Eric's such an asshole. Yeah. So important that that line got in there guys. Oh, great. Okay.

So then we get Eric, like goes to her house and he's like, Hey, can I see Belle and her dad's there? And he's like, no, and slams the door at his face. Right? Yeah. He's like, thanks for losing me my job. Yeah. Right.

And so this is where, and because we have to eventually, like, have him figure out what happened. So Eric calls the dad's former boss and says, hey, there seems to be some mix up. Did somebody call you and say that they were me? Because, what a fuck would anyone do that? And also, why would I even think of it? Right? Why wouldn't you double check any part of this thing?

It's fine. He's rehired. Yeah, all right. He's rehired. Yeah, right. So so Bell comes home that night and finds out that dad got his job back. Yeah. She also finds out that dinner was made for and I was so excited in this moment because I was like, okay, someone besides Bell made dinner. Yeah, that's it on him. Dad's unemployed. We will find out that no, his fucking daughter made dinner. A little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a And then Kelly turns to Bell and she says, oh, hey, he called again. And she hands her a note at a so one of the note to just say dry cleaning packages waiting

at UPS. We didn't see the note. It might have said that. We don't know. But dad's like, you know, being fired sure as taught me a lesson, your mother dying wasn't that big a deal because you sure stepped up. Yeah. And he concludes this

scene by being like, you got to go off and do what makes you happy. Leave the States. Wherever you need to go, just not here. Go. Go away. Get out. Says the guy you can't make dinner for himself. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Right. Or pick up his kid from school. Yeah. That's brilliant fucking advice in this film to close it out. Like this is the last time we're going to see dad is find what makes you happy and then do that. Yeah, thanks dad. We're in a fucking wisdom or at the dawn to street and an English degree wasn't enough apparently. Yeah, exactly right. So okay. So now she she finally answers Eric's call so that the plot can wrap up.

Nope, sorry. No, can't. No. She's still not going to let him explain anything and then she hangs up. And I want to say point out because we have another conversation between her and her friend Anna. This movie, I'm pretty sure,

failed the back deltest the most times of any movie that we have. Every time the two of these people have a conversation, and it's like 12 times in this movie. Every time they have a conversation, it's either about Craig or Eric. Or her and her sister, it's always about how do you kiss a guy? What's it? Yeah. Yep. Right.

So, okay, and okay, now though, it's, it's act three. We're deep in act three. So, Eric can start longingly staring at that alcohol bottle with the alcohol in it. Yep. We get a little montage of him looking at the bottle that doesn't have a fucking label on it because that's what all booze companies do. They don't have a fucking label. No, it's't know what it is. It's blue brand alcohol. It's weird old recycled olive oil bottle

that someone small has, sure, that took the label off of. And he's also sitting down on the couch, like being sad and walking downstairs and not being able to hold his own files. Oh my God. They have this amazing, like he starts walking down the stairs and he has this like, there has to be a better way. But what is碰ers?

He drops a like, man, that man needs a trapper keeper. He drops the phone. And then what's so amazing about this is that they're trying to show that he sure does need his assistant because nobody can carry folders down. Like bell. There's also this moment where he just like sits on the couch after that like, God, I can't do anything by myself. And it pans over to the other couch and the Bible's just like, how does that make you feel

on the Bible? He just stares it for lordly at the wet Bible sitting on the other couch. Yeah, this is where this actor will attempt to cry. He's he's attempted crying touching your hair, touching your hair, maybe sniffing and your

wounded cheek. Yeah, right, right exactly. All right. And then okay, so he pulls down this bottle. Now the bottle is in like this glass box, right? Say like a glass covered box. And then, okay, so he pulls down this bottle. Now the bottle is in like this glass box, right? So like the glass covered box. And in case of emergency of bottle. Yeah, exactly. You know, yeah, but break in case of act three. So he, he punches through the glass because that's in his contract too. And, but we see his knuckles immediately afterwards. This is very obvious. I mean, really wanted him to cut himself and bleed to death. Because that's in his contract too and but we see his knuckles immediately afterwards this very

Really wanted him to cut himself and bleed to death Alright, so and yeah, so he pulls out this bottle and we're like, ooh is he gonna Rub it and find a genie Get some normal scotch like a good rich person. God. Yeah. I'm gonna ask all right. So now we cut to Belle and her friend, the dentist's office friend.

They're having breakfast together. Now apparently this is Craig's, you know, he's only has two strikes now or whatever and she's contractually obligated to give him one last chance. It's an ambush Anna asked her out for lunch. And she's like, I'm sorry, I invited Craig. She also says something that nobody has ever said in a diner. She says the muffins are great here. I said, nobody at a diner.

You only settle for muffins. Everyone always just said you eat muffins because you're not allowed to eat good stuff. Exactly. All right. So then, okay, so they're waiting for Craig to show up at the diner. And she said they're like, oh, fuck, there are six minutes left in this movie. We need to resolve this shit.

Hey, how did Craig know that my dad got fired from his job for breaking the vase? And she's like, well, I don't know. He could only have known that if he had pretended to be Eric and called himself. Like she went from too dumb to think of speaking to a person to this homezean super slew that realizes in an instant that he must have called her dad's work and pretended to be Eric. And just that Craig shows up and he's like, hey guys, so what's up? And he starts drinking his juice. And she's like, did you get my dad fired? And I just want to dip to drink the juice for the rest of the movie. Craig, you're eventually going

to finish the juice and have to answer the question. Okay. Spitting it back into the glass. You're spending it back into the glass. The first thing. So, and then he admits that he was the one that called and got her dad fired. And so here it is, time for Eli's best worse. She pushes him over like out of the seat that they're sitting in. They're on a bench seat and he's sitting on the outside. So she pushes him out of her way. That is that character getting his comeuppance. That is the creepy stalker who got her dad fired.

Comeuppance. Yep. Yep. Well revenge well done guys. Yeah, exactly, exactly. You were shoved now. And you know, there are still crags who are watching this movie before they named it like Mormon Vainia. Please watch this movie. Who were like, wow, I don't know why she was such a bitch to Craig in the movie. He's never been anything but nicer. The last time she thought someone like fired her dad,

she slapped him. Right. This time she's someone like fired her dad. She slapped him. Right this time she's just like, no, Jesus Christ right like goddamn Eric got more comeuppance for this thing. He did that's amazing Maybe that was written in the fucking thing that she was supposed to slap him too, but after this actor saw what she did to Eric He's like, no fuck you. No way. I believe She does not have stage combatrin. All right. So she runs to the mansion to find Eric and he's not there, but dammit, his emergency liquor bottle has been punched open.

Yeah. And they're all like, where could he be? And she sees the picture of the mountain. She didn't know it was there. And she's like, I have an idea. could he be and she sees the picture of the mountain she didn't know was there. Like I have an idea. Yeah, there's only actually been one exterior shot in this movie that wasn't my porch. So I bet he's there or a local park. Yeah, right.

Yeah, right that we pretend to just be strong. And then okay, but yeah, she finds him there sitting on his thinking log. He goes, she goes, what are you doing? He says says just thinking it. She's like you sure that's the only Inking word that you're doing You got that bottle of Strange no, but no he picks it up and he dramatically throws it into the lake He's like I've been sitting here freezing my ass off for three hours waiting for somebody to come by so I could dramatically throw this fucking thing in a lake. I'm so glad he doesn't have to see someone throw away perfectly good mystery olive oil

alcohol. That's why he had to take off. He was he was triggered by this movie. And is this amazing moment? He he turns to her and he goes, you make me want to be a better person. Not man, I didn't say man, not copyrighted, didn't take the good as it gets things. What? What I heard to be like, you had me at how's it going? Yeah, right. No, and then he takes her by the hand and he goes,

Belle, I want you to be my assistant still. It's like, I'll pay you this time. I'm sorry I exploded you for free labor. And then she goes, well, you know, I have another job and I go to school. Remember I was just doing this because you were gonna get my dad fired, right? You remember that?

Oh no, like, okay, what if we fucked and stuff, but you could still carry my folders up and down stairs. I'm terrible at it. I really can't handle that shit Yeah, and she responds to that with basically I do Just what every girl wants to hear I was thinking maybe you could be my assistant for free Thanks for making me not associate path for a while. Also, I think I forgive God for killing my wife. Yeah, right. Oh yeah, yeah.

Just because the Bible sit next to him on the thinking log there, he's got it all figured out. And then they give, they do that they kiss and we get what I can only describe as generic dinosaur reveal music behind it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And honestly, it's a generic fucking kiss as well. It's pretty awful.

It is, it's very awkward. And then that the lady, the narrator comes in. Mrs. Hey, good, yeah. Oh, is that Mrs. Hey, good? Yeah, yeah. She cuts back into remind us that we've been going for a beauty and the beast thing this whole time. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like she's like, I thought she was just like an airline announcer because she has the same.

Like you use the actress who do have a rise. Welcome to the end of the movie. I held it happily ever after. And before you take off, your seats should be in a completely upright position. I don't, don't forget. Some of your memories will have shifted during the flight. So opening the overhead pins. Yeah, holy shit.

Yeah. All right. So I'm not going to ask what the fuck any of this had to do with beauty in the beast. That's too big of a question. You guys are mortals. But, but do you have any theories as to what made them think it was related to beauty in the beast? The title.

Maybe they found the title, the title was given to them as a wedding gift and then the right to move you around it. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Well, right, no, that makes perfect sense because his family got them one title, her family got them a different title. They had to look pretending like both of them. Totally sure. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay. So Anna, thank you so much for hanging out

with us. And hey, why we got you here. If our listeners would like to hear more from you say in album form, for. Wow. Where could they go? Well, I have an album on CD Baby, but it is also on all of the other like streaming, the Spotify and the Apple Music and all of that Amazon music, all that stuff. So just Anna Bosnick, the ring is the name of the album. Awesome.

I have a dog who has a social media account. She's pretty big on Instagram, much bigger than I am. At Match the Pug, which apparently a lot of people have wanted to know about. So please go follow her there as well. Oh, and my apologies for not setting you up with a question. Okay. So while that's going to do it for our review of Bell and the Beast, a modern search for a subtitle that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need

a muster up the will to do this again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. The crossroads of Hunter Wild live in Los Angeles. Oh right that's already. Yeah this is a Chuck Norris's son's version of American. Oh awesome. We've encountered Eric before he's kind of fucking amazing. Alright, so with that to look forward to, we're going to bring Episode 235 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Anna for hanging out with us today.

And an even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So I've got off them and thereby earn an access to an every version of our re-upisode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review on it. To enjoy sharing it, showing all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows. This is getting any of the citations needed in the Skeptch crowd available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, just in a medics suggestion,

check any email, God off on movies.gmail.com. Linkless services for this podcast are provided by the law offices and P.N. Routores. Tim Robinson takes care of our social media. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik and people drafts on Mars. And all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us some chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, write, and Eli Bosnick, I'm an illusionist, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. with the Beast now fully settled down with Belle at his side. He had no more use for Mrs. Heygood. He released her son from his cage in the basement,

and they were free to go. A Mirrory broke his finaly, then off. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more. A little bit more.

A little bit more. A little bit more. was hey good, he released her son from his cage in the basement and they were flated. A mirror he broke was finally paying off. Bell's dad learned to watch where the fuck he was going. Bell and the beast, the latter day tail, would be released in 2016 as White Power? White power and then again in 2018 is funny animal videos, but Christian Morgan you got to get an Oculus Quest dude. It's the fucking it's really fucking awesome. I want an Oculus Quest now Oh, Anna you got to get an Oculus Quest. It's the fucking, it's really fucking awesome. I want an Oculus Quest now. Oh, Anna, you gotta get an Oculus Quest. It's so fucking cool.

You need, honestly, you need it in about three and a half months because it makes me think, it's nauseating for me and I'm not pregnant, but yes, yeah, it's the coolest goddamn fucking thing. I want one very bad, I've always kind of wanna, I love VR, I just love VR. Yeah. I like every every little tiny fucking step of VR that VR has taken since 1993. I have followed along and gotten the fucking thing and shit. And it's finally like what you wanted in 1996,

95, you know, I am a sucker for a simulator. Like those are my favorite rides at all, like a universal. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. I fucking love that shit. When you can transport me somewhere else, this is amazing. Yeah. Oh, it's so cool. It's it.

Yeah. The fuck the player. I don't even need the porn. Like that's just like an added bone. Honestly, the porn isn't even that good. I mean, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna incur the wrath of Heath when I say that, but they don't have like, there's like 19 videos. Like, there's, it's all the same POV video.

There's no good fucking porn. Yeah, you know, doing the lesbian POV. That was interesting once, but like none of the kinkas made it onto there yet. So yeah, eventually they'll have great porn on there, but there's no kink. It's just all straight fucking and it's like, yeah, that's kind of boring. I've seen it. Yeah, it's just fucking. Yeah, that's also you can just see that on the nature channel.

The thing. Okay. Okay. Also, the thing least suited for 360 viewability is a porn set. Like, it's impossible to look around those porns without seeing something absolutely heart-breakingly tragic. Like a mic boom or something like that. Oh, mic boom.

No, no, like a fucking play for her toddler. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like a kid sitting there staring for it. Oh, Jesus, the pile of laundry that she put out of the way just like took off the bed. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

The best though is the best is to see the cats. The other seat, the the those collections of cats Yeah, porn cats that are just sitting there not give it a fuck. Oh my god. I need to Google this after we're done There amazing that is very funny All right, all right, sorry The preceding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved Um, a preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.