God Awful Movies - 24: GAM024 WWJD 3: The Journey Continues...

Episode Date: February 2, 2016

In this week's episode, we polish off the grand finale of the WWJD trilogy with an installment that maintains the series' continuity by having nothing to do with the other ones, just like the sequel.  Dr. T joins us to recount a story of tragedy, heartache, and not hurting anyone.If you'd like to follow Dr. T on Twitter, trust us, you'll just want to click here.Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more check out their Facebook page.

What? Go enjoy that. And then he threw his sandwich out of his tabat. Yeah. That's like where Gallagher grew up, you know, on this street. And the guy, he doesn't pick up the burger. If you're homeless and starving and someone throws a burger at you, you pick up the burger. That's like a stripper asking you to like face up your dollar bills and a neat stack. Like, she starts to put them out again. Like a vending machine. Feet!

God awful. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Everybody's favorite guy sitting to my left he then right heath. Welcome back. Why thank you, sir Um, I'm allowed to sit here by the way. Yeah, not hurting anyone. No. Yep. Exactly. Pray with me right now I'll even give you a job and sitting 999 miles to my right is person with an awesome personality Eli Bosnich Eli glad you could join us once again Oh, I'm glad to be here You you sound genuine when you say that every time every time I believe it. That's I mean it I mean I'm insane something Long ago and I just enjoy these movies start to finish

Everyone else has to power through them and I'm just like movies movies. Oh look they fix the bells That is not one thing Rogan sir That is just a cornucopia shit gone wrong in your head and you may have already heard his laugh But sitting 33,455 furlongs to my right in a far off land of castles and dragons, is special guest masochist and self-described Twitter, Blatherer, and in-frequent skeptical podcaster, Dr. T. Dr.

Hey, how's it going? It's going great, man, going great. So tell us, how did we rope you into this shit? Well, as a white middle class, a guy I've kind of got a right to be on every podcast, but, um, thank you. Someone said it, thank you. I'm a bit of a podcast, who are really,

in that, I've, most of the skeptical podcasts have paid me for sex. Except this one. No one in this one has paid me for sex, but I did give Eli a blowy one time, but that was for free. For free, sure. Okay has the lips of a four-year-old girl. We're gonna just turn off from the confessional portion of the show. Awesome. I love it. We usually save that for the middle. All right, so he'd tell us what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched WWJD3.

What would Jesus do? The journey continues. Or a dub dub tray as the kids are calling. Yeah, all right. The exciting conclusion to Absolutely nothing because once again, there's exactly zero plot connection to the previous movie. The the only common thread is that the Confused libertarian drifter guy is back from part one and he's going to continue being strangely inappropriate in everything he does. Just like Jesus. So it's more of that guy plus a town learns to Christian really hard in the background.

That's awesome. It's pretty accurate. Eddie, how bad was this movie well if you watch the first movie and you thought to yourself man I like these actors but there's just too much plot because w w jd3 is here to make absolutely no fucking sense and like not just that nobody knows how the world works because the people in this movie seem to know how the world works like a smidge and more but they act in a more insane way about the world so I think it kind of bounces it out I think it makes up for it right right yeah exactly the the story got much more insane

But now they're using rollers to cover the paint so that's right exactly they found rollers on the set They were like oh that's what those are I'm sure Somebody was right now my leg after the first two movies again clearly after the second one you guys just didn't know how this works now Actually that brings me right in my no point because or my next point rather because I wanted to apologize Doctor T normally we try to avoid bringing guests on midway through a trilogy because then we make paint roller jokes that they don't get but we made an Exception this time around because as Heath indicated, this movie has fuck all to do with the other two. That being said, if you had any questions after watching the movie, anything you wanted

us to fill you in on about the first two, we'd be happy to clue you in. Apology accepted. I love feeling I owe you at least a couple more there. No, guys, is there anything that you feel like we should clue Dr. T and on anything you should know for clarification before we get going? Yeah, actually, the drifter guy, he had like a strep throat whooping cancer in the first one and stuff like that. And he was definitely supposed to die.

He was definitely supposed to. I mean, it doesn't really help you with anything I'm just mad he didn't die. I wanted to go on record. I really fucking hate that guy. This could be a second coming Also a patent manning in a wig is now the mayor of a town in California. I said I'm having a shoot. You should know. You should just know furiously making notes here furiously making notes here ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I checked IMDb. That was an addition. Oh I'm sorry, it blasted me. Whenever he came in, you made me watch the shit film. And whenever he came in, I was like, I knew that guy.

And it turned out to be Bo Duke from the juke's of Houthard. I mean, yeah. Boomerrard Duke. See now, I knew him from some of his other roles, such as Super Shark Swarm, Wild Things 4, For some, Night of his other roles, such as Super Shark, Shark Swarm, while things for For some, Knight of the Twisters, Bandit, Bandit, Bandit, and Return of the Killer.

Sure, that's really nice. You said, yeah, you made it out of that up. Bandit, Bandit, Bandit, Bandit, Bandit, is the seventh seal of, it's just better. It's better than the seventh seal. For the same. I think it was, it was etiology. Way better than Bandit, Bandit, no question. By the way i think it was it's a trilogy way better than bandit bandit no question that's it by the way that's how it smells it's like bandit colon bandit bandit

i've got to use a bandit who steals bandit ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So anyway very much a career that went up and never came up. He's gonna be in smoky smoky smoky next. It's gonna be great Oh shit, sorry guys the whole show is gonna be downhill from that joke But I mean if the promise of Duke's a house or jokes isn't enough to keep you listening I don't know what I can say to help you so on that note We're gonna pause very quick break when we come back We'll break down all the still to acting and cleaning montages that are what would Jesus do? Three. The journey continues. Well, after spending three weeks in a row talking about him, we actually got lucky enough to find the man himself. So now for a god awful movies exclusive interview

with the creepy drifter guy. Thanks for having me. I'm not hurting anybody. Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that several times. Yeah, almost a dozen. Anyway, we've watched both of your movies now and we have a couple of questions for you. Go on, I'm a good man and a hard worker. Okay, great. So in these movies, it always seems like you are only interested in food and shelter when it's hard

for people to give it, right? Like when they're busy or grieving or poor poor when it seems like people want to and are Able to help you you just move on can you walk me through that sure so I mean boys I have a question that I live by and that question is what would Jesus do yeah, oh you boys have heard that phrase Yeah, several times from from you Recently and also before. Well, I don't know if you've read the Bible, but have you read?

Oh, no, yes, yes, we have both of us. Yeah, multiple versions with analysis, we read it, yeah. Okay, well, you know how Jesus was kind of a tool? Yeah, very much so. Yeah. I'm going for that And we're back for the breakdown and this movie is gonna start us off with a shot of homeless Opalus where this movie is gonna take place and of course a shot of Regular size dinklish they want you to know right away

He's back baby and this movie starts with a bunch of like scenes of the May recurred but I know also I want to say I really like to know as idea of just music notes so I have music notes for every scene in the movie so the music note for this first scene is shadow didn't die after all. And while we're listening to that music we see shots of small town America including an old man who looks like he shits every time he takes a step This is the saddest opening sequence like everyone in the town is having serious trouble doing like Scene one town they're already having trouble it. There's like this old man who could barely carry his 16 ounce bottle of soda down the wall. He's a kid on a bike, but did you see this one?

The kid definitely couldn't ride a bike, so they have this like horrible two-second cut of him almost crashing in that way. Help me! Help me! It's good. It's like a diabetic dude trying to cross the street with one foot. It was just really, really depressing. That old man had rickets, I think.

Is Rickets still a problem in the US? Oh, is it Rickets? Oh, yeah yeah it did look a little bit like rickets in in homeless apples apparently it is yes the same homeless zombie hordes we had for movie one uh... and they i think they were trying to very clearly send that message hey guys remember movie one were ignoring all that other crap all that shit with cliff and everything we're going back to basics yeah it was basically you felt like they had broken up with movie Two like when you have a buddy who breaks up in a sheet girl

I'm the same old man, and it's like man you tried to fight me on your front lawn not anymore Now that you lose out of my life, but I miss her. Uh-uh. No Baby come back restraining order still stands I Baby come back restraining order still stands. I just as a note, I'm one of the, I think the film's biggest feeling is that everyone in the whole movie all the way through, got into the wrong side of the car. I don't know if you guys picked up on that, but it's like there was no realism in this film at all. Everyone wrong side of the car.

Why was that? I'm so glad you brought that up. I have been meaning to apologize on behalf of the sixty six percent of the world's population and ninety percent of the world's roads that get that wrong i do apologize i'm sure though that you guys and those countries that you tortured into doing it as well i have it right i i want to apologize yeah you and fucking barrundi i suspended belief that point, but the rest of the film was So from there we cut to this this dying lady with a Bible

But we're gonna get an old lady dying in our opening fucking That is how you start a movie I am plugged in I cannot wait to find out where this movie goes Except she wasn except she wasn't she wasn't an old woman she she looked about forty with gray hair she was no she was the woman from that one amazing trick doctors hit advert that peels her skin back I think father time has at least been very kind to her but she's I think she's like thirty or something right and her son looks like Andrew Scott, except he can't act. He just got a picture of Moriarty, he's a Sherlock, but he couldn't do it. He just like, he got a retarded younger brother

who was like, what do you think? Andrew, could I do Sherlock too? And he's like, oh no, there's only one part. I'm so sorry. Yeah. And he kind of looks like Billy Bob Thornton with skin lotion. Yeah. Like, like if you grabbed Billy Bob Thornton on like the back of his head and pulled back up his full of skin, tied it off the rubber band on the back of his head, that's what this guy looks like. You know, I've done that and it's exactly what this guy looked like. I had a miscancer Jimmy Fowl on the whole time. It looks like if you shaved a sneech.

So I think we're going to go with shaved sneitch because if I'm not mistaken this movie never gives this character a name This is the main character of the movie. Does he ever get a name? Oh, not that I noticed Which guy the main character Jack oh, yeah Jack okay, no, no, no, Jack's Lorenzo Lamis yeah oh Is he yeah, it's uh what is it James and and uh Jimmy's the brother and his John right past your John I'm still gonna vote for shave snitch do I still get to vote for yeah let's go yeah let's go slave shave snitch that's actually kind of hard to say fast though Joseph is Joseph Joe right yeah okay so wait I'm sorry so we have Joe Jack and James yeah that Joe right yeah, okay, so wait. I'm sorry. So we have Joe Jack and James

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, she's I thought Joe Joseph. I mean Let's pick it. Let's pick a good biblical name to get in there Yeah, so she dies to get out of the scene and I assume acting all together So we cut over to the church where we're going to spend most of this. And the current pastor and his wife are asleep when a burglar breaks in in black face, he's wearing black face. Just because I should polish his their faces, the the the. He is he is in blackface. And he breaks into the the church making as much noise as possible. Oh yeah, that's a good thing.

That's a good thing. And then it tends to break into the bedroom of the church where the pastor is. Yeah, right. By the way, the actor who played this burglar is drastically overusing the crowbar that he brought with it. Like you pretty much don't need that once you're inside, but it gets in there and it's like sort of fighting with boxes, juggling the crowbar with lemons, it makes no sense to make it so much. He's cracking open cardboard boxes with it. E-ra!

Yeah. Yeah. Did you see that the door that he wedged it when first of all said open for prayers on it? Yeah. And it was great. Oh no. I'm a burglar. I'm not imprante. I'm gonna have to do it when we open for me. I'm a burger. I'm not imprant. I'm gonna have to do it. We won't be open for me. I

So yeah, so and I love to that the guy the the pastor guy goes to the door when he hears he sticks a chair under it And then when the guy starts banging on his door trying to open it up He turns to his wife and he goes like call 911 and I'm like, yeah, that's a great idea now Yeah, I remember my notes. Oh, they weren't gonna call 911 before. Right. He was like surprised It's Heather from the swingers party. Oh, no, no She didn't do the secret knock never mind honey Yes apparently with burglars break in her house you should wait and see if they go away and then call 911 I want I wanted to hear that 911 call like

Hi, is this 911. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, I'm calling to report that the the burglars went away. What? Yeah, we're breaking and we just waited it out and they left so Now 9-1-1 the rape is over. Oh, all right So why are you calling just to check in? How are you? I feel like no one ever asked how you're doing tonight I don't know your culture very well So I thought maybe it was a premium rate phone line or something and they thought well We could be on for a minute, but not five. Listen man, when you don't have free healthcare, you got to use it sparingly So now what we're getting from this scene is that this church is in a bad part of town where people break in and try to rape you

And shit all the time so the pastor who is at this church is getting the fuck out Now luckily he mentions that he knows this other pastor who would just love to get raped in his church or whatever. I just want to point out because this is going to happen several times throughout the movie. This old guy's role in this movie is for people to be like, hey man, I just got raped by a dragon and for him to be like yeah, nothing I can do for you listen You got us to take it out for one more week That's all this character does this man with his pregnant wife Someone tried to break into their bedroom in the middle of the night and he's like stay for two more weeks Come on, you're being a dick about this

Bears miss his business That's the whole way So then we we cut over to Jimmy getting out of prison now the the the son that was with the diamond mom He's picking his his brother up from prison and We have this Really painful exposition seen that I think goes on for about 36 years or something like that 25 right and seeing that I think goes on for about 36 years or something like that 25 years where it's basically like that he picks him up and immediately when he peered on screen I was like okay great now you're gonna step forward and say give me the keys you fucking cock sucker the the way we know he's in prison obviously no one has ever met anyone who's been in prison and made this movie because he's like, oh man, it's so fast.

I've been in prison. I don't know how cars work anymore. I'm like a baby. Is that a real thing? Is that a joke? Is that a joke? Is that a joke? Does prison give you cars sickness?

Like, do people in New York City who don't drive start to projectile vomit if they get in the taxi once a while? I get to understand. I don't know why everybody's looking at me about what it's like when you get out of prison on the fuck what I know Anyway, so then he says and to this is the cruelest fucking thing. He's like hey, bro I got you something It's in the glove box. He opens the glove box up. It's a Bible now I think you just got out of fucking prison. It's not a hooker. It's not cocaine

It's a god. It's like yeah, you know, they had those in the goddamn I had a no also he picks it up and he goes gum and he goes not the gum the Bible and I wrote my notes So worse than gum worse than Would you probably haven't had a lot of So I can't get off her gum a lot the last 38 years you were in I guess you didn't get off her saying I'm a lot the last 38 years you were in. I like the way the film stuck to our understanding of American cultural stereotypes by making sure the good guy was light skinned and the bad guy was dark skinned. Oh yeah, that chimed with my understanding of your culture.

I thought that they weren't going to acknowledge that the brothers were different races in this movie, but they do mention that he's adopted, but it's not until like 25 minutes into the movie. So for the first 25 minutes, I was just screaming at my TV. Different races, different races, Donald Trump opened up the door and he's like, what are we doing? I'm in, I'm in. Is the race was dotted? I brought a pair That that guy is the producer of the film right he's he's the owner of mass our films yeah, Joe now He also says he didn't see much sun in prison and I'm like, dude. Were you in a fucking blackout sign? What did you do? He was an abograde Exactly exactly great exactly exactly not white

we also learned in this scene that he's the super pastor that the other pastor who is leaving was talking about that would love to get right so he's gonna go now to the bad church with his brother and they're gonna fix it up together and that's you sort of gonna be our movie also my music note for this scene the part in the documentary where the baby duck dies uh... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And the brother is acting as though they didn't get any food in prison. Yeah, oh man They didn't have burgers in prison. It's like I feel like they had burgers in prison

But that's fine. He's playing all hard-tack and oranges, bro Don't worry. I got you out of jail and I got you a job But it doesn't pay Right, he said I'm just gonna feed you and you're three meals a day and you can't leave Just like prison you remember right? Yeah, but no toilet wine Well, I love to he's going like like yeah my parole and Parole officer insisted I get a job and he's like yeah, no, no, I got you a job And he's like what is it pays like oh it doesn't he is like no the parole officer wants me to have a job that fucking pays bro yeah they

don't count that as a job all the role officer i'm the tooth fairy now great just chicken weekly you're fine and this is where we touch the first moment of something that will not fucking matter at all but will be touched on a million times in the movie yes they notice that there's a they pull up to the church and they notice that there's a bell at the top. Mm-hmm. And more than anything in the world, Anthony Jezelnext detached twin

once the bell to ring. Yeah. Yeah. He actually says, my childhood dream was to ring a church bell. Like, I always dreamed of going to Juie art and one day becoming the world's greatest triangle play i just want to live in a church bell you know live up there maybe rape a

gypsy let's see how it goes was depressing fucking thing i've ever heard and then they walk into ghost church here and um... the brother the uh... skip you the fucking whatever the hell pat joe the pastor uh... walks up to the to the pulpit stands behind it checks it out it works like the poll in ghost busters the work is it's okay

uh... so then we cut to him finally talking to uh... business man on the phone uh... yeah disembodied church business voice will only know as he disembodied voice from this point on and you're sure and then and then and then they need to make this church

more profitable this is the ninety-eighth movie in a row where the easiest thing in the world to make profitable is hard to make profitable all you look at a business where i go up once a week for two hours i lot of to people and then they give me 10% of their income, I don't know how not to make that profitable. Tax free, tax free.

Well, yeah, you can tax incentives too. It's like what are you spending money on that is not outweighing 10% of more than 10 people's income? Your products invisible and they don't collect until they're dead. Come on, this should be easy. I also love a while he's on the phone call with the guy and he's giving him the whole asses and seats man, asses and seats. This guy's gonna say, he goes, come on, the clock is ticking.

You know, like in a movie with a ticking clock. There are stakes now. Exactly, exactly. Also, there's a safe in the office. We got to talk about the safe. There's a metal box. Yeah. Yeah.

But because Jimmy has been at prison, his brother turns to him and he says, do you think you could break into that safe? Dude, I was in for sexual assault, man. I'm like, what are you talking about? I don't know. Is that safe gonna lie to me about whether or not it's 18? Because then yes, I will get into that safe. Also, I just want to point out at this point, the music note I had was the doll the girl wished over came to life.

I'd rather a pro. Why did nobody have the key to the safe or the lock for the safe? I mean, surely the last person had it or did he just look at it as well? Let's go. There's a safe there. No, there's a code. You have to mine a bit coin first and then yeah. Oh, right on.

Right on. There's also a phenomenal moment where he goes, do you think you're breaking into it and he goes, I don't know man, they don't make safes like this anymore and it's like yes, they do. They make much better safes. Otherwise they would have stopped at that one. Yeah, they make them better each time. That's the point. Yeah, exactly. And then they find the bells to the, or the button to the church bell, which is like hidden like the bat cave you've got a fucking pull out the one book and then dingle the fucking keys and just such a way or whatever on the piano the candlestick things spins around yeah right right yeah but it doesn't work dammit but

he that's okay because he'll hear it one day and now we have to get to our first of many cleaning up montages and and the with and the cutscene to get to our first of many cleaning up montages And then the cut scene to get into this is just brilliant He says we got to pick up some of this trash in the brother We just got a person says I don't pick up trash and then we cut to him The movie tears streaming down my cheek Can you be imagine being in the writer's room when they came up with that? Can you imagine?

Oh my God. Oh, they were pumped. They were pumped. They were blowing each other. I think that was a good place to stop, guys. Hey, guys, call it a day. You know what? They can improvise the rest of the movie.

After that, live, they're just just giggling throughout the rest. All right, let's set up this Daisy chain. Right. So I want to be at the back. You always get to be. So I'm a chain not a circle. Now. So now we also have to meet two two new characters in this movie. Two young boys that are like, you know, the local hoodlums in this entirely white town. Yeah, it's in a really bad area, right? This time, we know this already. It's in a really bad

area. There's just people breaking into churches and stuff and nice lawns and lots of well-dressed middle-class people and the two hoodlums really rough and and yeah. They're clean cut haircuts and everything else. Yeah. So they start fucking with the with the brother, the prison brother, but he's prison hard. So they fuck off and then wait, I have my favorite line of the movie. He throws the thing. He's like, Hey man, he throws a thing on the ground and it's like, Hey man, you miss that. And then they have this sort of standoff thing where he's like, Hey man, fuck you. And they're like, they're gonna fight. Well, he doesn't say fuck you. They're just like, hey man, he throws a thing on the ground and it's like, hey man, you miss that. And then they have this sort of standoff thing where he's like, hey man, fuck you. And they're like, going to fight.

Well, he doesn't say fuck you. They're just like, yeah, and he goes, right, and he goes, hey man, hey man, that's my brother. But he says it because he's going to fuck. He's going to beat him up. Like the older brother, as a way to discourage this grown man, to from beating him up, is goes, Hey, man, he's my brother. And I'm gonna do that every time someone

is gonna kick my ass from now on. I'm just gonna turn to a stranger and be like, Hey, man, he's my brother. And they're gonna be like, do you mean he's gonna fight with you? Like, what is the... No, I just want you to know, he's my next of kin. Go ahead. Wouldn't it hit a man with a brother and glasses would you so nice to meet you

That would have been so awesome pleasure moment in that movie holy shit if you say your brother, huh? Okay nice to meet you bro Fuck out that would be awesome and then credits cool. I bet he knows your blood type That would be more and then credits cool. I bet he knows your blood type. I Want to put it's just a quick scene, but they have this moment where they sit down to eat and Johnny Jimmy whatever the pastor brother the sneech who's been shaved stops to say grace and the prison brother does not yes, and he has this moment He goes you could have waited and I just want to say I'm entirely with the prison brother does not. Yes. And he has this moment, he goes, you could have waited. And I just want to say, I'm entirely with the prison brother.

I fucking, I don't mind if you say grace, but I hate it when people pretend that saying grace is like stepping inside fucking cerebral. He's talking to him. He turns to him and he's like, so what do you think we're going to get done? And he's like, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, and it's like, fuck you, man.

I know you can hear me. Talk to him after to your invisible friend. Speed through it, debate club style, come on man. Just got out of jail. I'm gonna take the other half of this thing into the bathroom and fuck it. As a pastor he'll know, Matthew 6-6, when you pray go to your room, close the door,

pray to your father who's unseen, then your father who knows what's done and secret will reward you Everyone knows it everyone. I'm sure he did too and besides that this movie came out in 2015 They had time to see a war room. They know to pray at a closet So and and that's the other thing too is that he actually says to him afterwards when he gets done saying grace He turns to his other brother who's already eaten since you could have waited and I'm like there's that's my issue It's like you can talk to your imaginary friend all you want but it's not rude for me to just eat my fucking food you're you know that's not being rude

fuck off so do you want to imagine is listening so Jimmy sneaks into the the pastor's office here Bob the fat where he catches his brother drinking the devil's swill there so skip you lays down the fucking law there will be no alky hall yeah you're not allowed to drink in church unless you're pretending it's the blood of a dead tube dog fuck segment come on there's rules to this shit

so now we we cut to the two local fucker ruse that that you extremely clean cut the boy band vandalism exactly And this is where we learned that they did learn how graffiti was painted over in a clue You know on this one dr. T in the last two movies both both in both films Someone was covering up graffiti with basically like the brush You get with the Crayola water colors or something this time they finally learned that you use rollers Right to which like the one kid turns to his little brother

This is gonna be so fucking confusing because everybody in this movie is somebody's brother or whatever But though and nobody has a name so the one brother turns to the other brother and he says hey look that brother is Clear yeah, this is gonna be completely fucked all right little brothers Matt older brothers Nick. Okay. All right Thank you. Thank you appreciate it. How the fuck did you guys forget I went back through this movie looking for the name of Matt and Joe And never found it any fucker. I did the older brothers are the brothers caramazov and the younger brothers are the Jonas brothers That's how I know okay? All right, all right So big Jonas says the little Jonas that's so I know okay all right all right so big Jonas says the little Jonas That's so much that's much easier big Jonas a little Jonas as to big Jonas

Hey look they're clevering up your masterpiece there the graffiti that you made you guys oh I'll fuck them up and throw a rock in his head Yeah, they throw a rock at his head and basically they turn around and they're like, did you just throw a rock at us and they're like, our dad is absent. And we get to, maybe my favorite scene, it's not as good as, will you please say a prayer to whoever you want to, don't eat while I'm eating, whatever that bullshit is. But we have one of my favorite moments where he goes, he's like, hey, Jimmy, so the big guy,

the prison guy again is like, oh, I need to beat the shit out of these people because they're assholes. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna scare him with hell. And he's like, hey, you know what I'm gonna do to you? And the kids reliably are like, you're fucking crazy. He's like, I'm not threatening you,

my invisible friend is gonna put hooks in your skin and nobody can hear you scream. And I was like, dude, people can hear you screaming hell. People can't hear you screaming space. If they're just saying, he actually says that. He says nobody will be able to hear you screaming. Like, the rape victim falls in the woods. What the fuck is wrong with this person?

So you're just speaking to children. But what do you, what do you enjoy these guys? I think there's a school, right? Yeah, yeah, 16, 17, 16, 16, 16, 16, any bully worth their salt would write hell on your fist with piss if you came out with that crap with them. If they were fine, maybe you could get away with it. 17. five maybe you could get away with it 17 Again, this would be such a better ending to the movie and you can't you can't see it

But the pasta really gets into talking about how and he's saying about the burning flames and the things and and you can't see it But he is masturbating. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. His answer in his pockets for a reason that character who like goes up to children who he doesn't like and is like the hooks will tear your flesh That's our protagonist That's the good guy of the movie for all we know these kids are Muslim at this point But yes, I took it I took it that the stoning was a reference to the Islamic faith That's why they were doing the bad guy going the stoning with a stone in the back of the head it was a reference. I got it. Also the Christian and Jewish faith.

Yeah. I should have been looking harder for the racism and it would have been easier to see. Check Sam Harris's Twitter. Please. Then we get this insanely bad eye movie cut to them cooking. And this is just want to give you an idea how bad the dialogue is. Basically the first line of this scene is remember that last scene Knock at the door and then of course it's the the love interest

Bringing leftovers now that she know and this woman looks like this is the mom of the hood living spider yeah We find that in just a moment, but I'm gonna describe describe as marissa tome but with spina bifida but but we it's it's very obvious that she wants to fuck cancer Jimmy Fallon uh that's just to sneak the aforementioned sneak faster and she's she comes in she's a terrible mom in my opinion based on this conversation she comes in and she says yeah I'm sorry my kid threw a rocket you guys, but yeah Thanks for that crazy hell rant Terrified and I could not be more thankful please continue and still appear in my children whenever you get the chance

And she's got this big pot of lasagna or something and she's like I always make too much and I just want to point out I always make too much is movie code for please punch my Cunt with your penis and no one acknowledges Just slam it in there. I don't care what it is a dick anything That other ones holding the frying pan you can use that like the Lorraine caverns pan you can use that like the Lorraine caverns. There's a two of you guys, a two of you guys, you both fit. So you're talking about DV, DA? Well, now.

So then we get that this brings us to our second cleaning up montage. And this is such a weird one because first of all, they're just like sweeping the same spot over and over again and shit. But this is also where we get like the meeting the locals and and good pastor like they're like black women are bringing him lemonade and bad brother is trying to fuck these two sixteen year old girls that walk by. Exactly. The music here transitions from Zach Braff says you have cancer to everyone and Neil deGrasse Tyson is talking Oh shit, so and then you know, yeah like um the brothers talk into the girls and that then jimmy doesn't prove the older brother is like talking to some girls because he's been in jail for ten years

and i've been in jail for ten years i might have fucked grown up tome pickles by that point but the fact that he's just and he's also he's not like grabbing her in the and he's not spreading cheeks he's just like a lady you should go by and they're like uh... you're charming and then he's like join our religion and he's, that's what you're supposed to do man, you're supposed to yell at people who are lost in time. If they like to change faiths.

This is why I never bring you to the bar. And Jimmy Fallon who got struck by a shrink ray is just paperwork and the paperwork. I think you, quite clearly. And then they come up with a great idea of maybe instead of paying their way They could just ask people to give them shit since people think that they can send them to an invisible happy land when they die Right, why not? And just as they're making that plan the dirtiest person we've seen in any of the movies we've ever watched

Walks into the room with a desert eagle 9mm a bright shiny brand new desert eagle 9mm when I was made of gold when I was did was like, here comes the daddy. Without realizing that spoiler alert, it was the actual daddy. Yeah, right. But he's a dildo, eh? He's a whore. He was a hotly in Greece, huh? Yeah, no, he was great. He was already greased up for you. Yeah, so yeah, he marches in with his gun and orders them to open this safe. Because he wants his tithe money back? He just keeps saying, I want my money, I want my money. This indulgence I bought is bullshit.

I want my money back. Well, I was just a local property taxpayer. You know, and was sick of the sub-city. And he's like, which one of you is the pastor? And this is where prison brother steps up. And he says, I am Spartacus. Yeah, he's called. Oh, I'm a poacher gun at me, dirty, David Silverman.

You point that gun at me on the pastor. Yelling at Noah. Yeah, you want to show. Do you want to buy it? Yeah. So, yeah, so then Jimmy and dirty zombie man wrestle for the gun for a little while and then Jimmy get shot and dies and dies, but first he has the the gods not dead. I don't want to go to hell right

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and rape victim David Sedaris is like no, it's okay. Do you accept Jesus? And he's like, shoo! SINY NOTGIC WORDS! When James was shot dead, I sort of thought things were gonna get better because he's the producer and I thought that would give him more time to produce the film, but the production values didn't improve noticeably so... How awesome would it be if there was a different camera after that scene? Everything's an HD, screen wide. And the pastor realizes he filled his mom's dying plea to take care of his brother. Maybe she thought you meant in an alpacino way.

Yeah. Take her out like take her out. Did you kill Jimmy? You need to be clear mom. You need to be clear about what you're asking of me. For fuck's sake, make excuses. Come on. Yeah, I took care of it. So then we get the the three weeks later title card and here comes regular sized dinklage not hurting anybody once again. You wonder where the fuck he was? He was just not in the movie for the first two and something.

And he gets out and he's like, this town looks like it needs some people not hurt. Is there any reason it needs to be three weeks later? No, it doesn't even make sense that it's three weeks later. They just, they have the three weeks later title card and needed to use it uh... but that but he's got it he's gonna leave now he doesn't want to be the pastor doesn't give a fuck if the bells ever ring again

and then he walks out into his church and wouldn't you know it the glitches sitting in the closed church doing his uh... sitting where i don't belong thing that we remember so fondly from movie one right and if you thought to yourself man is the pastor's gonna be mean to him like thing that we remember so fondly from movie one. Right. And if you thought to yourself, man, is the pastor's going to be mean to him? Like, is that we're going to learn? No, he's like, hey, are you looking for food or shelter? And he's like, nope, just looking to make you uncomfortable. Will you pray with me?

No, man, there's an allotted time for prayers. Never an allotted time for prayers. That's not how prayers work. No, I mean, uh, you basically says, can you pray with me? And he's like, I can't pray while you're watching. You want to pray back to back? It's not. Tell you what, you just watch me pray and I'll leave. So yeah, they have what seems to be a conversation at first, but it turns out to be like two halves of two different conversations. They're standing in the same room, exchanging sentences, but they don't match up at all. It's like, hi, sorry, we're we're closed. Could you please leave?

Jesus was a nice guy. I'll I'll I'll show you the door It's right over webster's dictionary Define faster. Okay, as a man what what what page you are on man. What what are you doing? This is a bit are we and then he has this fantastic moment so the guy has been very polite to him But he's like I'm not gonna pray with you right now this church is closed. That's why it's covered in fucking tarps But he's like I'm not gonna pray with you right now this church is closed. That's why it's covered in fucking tarps He's not gonna pray with you and he goes you have an angry heart And I just wrote in my notes you have an angry heart is something yoga instructors used to say as a reason knows why they wouldn't fuck me I'm so sorry Eli you have a angriest I can see your chi and it's just not

It's not thin enough ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to hurt us. Does that justify our anger? I'm thinking, well, a fucking course it does. Like if anybody lets someone hurt you, you should be angry at them. Like if my parents let the rapists just come into the house over and over again, yes, I'd be pissed at them. Why, why would you not, you fucking idiot? Because they wanted you to learn to defend yourself. Oh, my right Elizabeth smarts parents, you know it was going on. Come on. Exactly like my mom. My right Elizabeth smart parents. You know it was going on Why does why does I mean it's taken as red that God allows Satan to hurt us but but I couldn't I couldn't get the second half of that sentence Would I look at the first half why does God allow Satan to hurt us?

Just because what we just accept that right it says it right at the beginning of the shit you see on Facebook Yeah, right, I believe the answer you're looking for is jingle a key I didn't realize you were so why are you so angry don't you wait so angry? I can tell you all Why are you so what? Some day you will learn so angry. No, no, no, don't do that. I'm done now. I'm done talking now I will my life led up to the't do that. I'm done now. I'm done talking. No, I will. My life led up to the watching this film.

I'll tell you why. When I was six years old, there was a program on a bridge television called Jim Will Fixit. And you wrote into Jim Will Fixit and you said, I want to do this and he would fix it for you to do those things. And I wrote in to say, I wanted to meet the juke's of hazard, right? Now, bastard didn't do it, but two things Jimmy Jim Jim from Jim will fix it is now known to have been the UK's Biggest pedophile. Yep once he died Wonderful and I could have got to meet the juke's a hazard and then I would have been at this point going

I met that guy and he's making me watch a shit film To this point Jimmy Saville Saville Jimmy. Wow, that's awesome. You almost got raped. But yeah, no, that's not all that cool. He was, he, he, he hid his pedophilia very well by looking exactly like everyone imagines the pedophiles of the film. It's a double bluff. I'm sure you had a really good personality. I gotta say just put a little effort in next time you go to see Jimmy Civil. I don't know.

I have no idea how to transfer back from child rape to this. Oh, yes, I do. There's an easy segway spester uh so yeah so so that lady that wanted to fuck him early comes it or she she's walking by she sees two big boxes and so she comes into the church and she says pastor except for apparently he took the fucking adrina chrome from from fear and love it set off a grenade near him you know that

moment in any viet non movie where they yes how did he now and then it that's what he's going through but just like his brothers dead he lost the ability three weeks later yeah yeah right so they got two big boxes of whatever in front of the church like they had been wishing for this like if we only had exactly eight cubic yards of random hardware, wait, what's this? Oh, sorry, sorry, doctor, that's about 6.1 cubic meters of hardware. So I'm going to be there. Oh, yeah. Do you not have signed for in the US? Would somebody just come and leave six cubic cubes of hardware? Yeah, that's the US Postal Service.

Can we get a signature for this? Yeah. the US Postal Service if they delivered babies like the Stork You would have so many dead babies on doorways Unnoted stapled to their head could not deliver. I was home all day Fucking day. You just don't want to climb the stairs you fatty fat That's actually true. Yeah, and and but the brother is suspicious He's like I don't know where to get the money i mean he probably pimped your sons or something knowing him he was you know so he's not like impressed he thinks he must have done something horrible but don't worry her sons now need community

service because they got in a fight and their father was an electrician so he can help rewire the church if you're interested. That shit's fucking genetic apparently. Oh yes, yes. I didn't realize I had two doctorates in a Liebent at Hopkins award for fairings. I can arrest you. No, it just needs to shoot a black kid now. My, my, my, I'm allowed to by the way I get away with it when I do. My children can rewire your church. This movie's idea of a good idea. Yeah. Okay.

Also, also it's very important to know and it's not explicitly said the film but I think it must be the case. There is only one electrician in the whole time and that is the bad who was in jail and just good James no other electricians arrived so until this guy comes back the bell will remain on Because that's so complicated to get a bell to just hang a goddamn rope They did this in 1200s. You know they had church bells into twelve hundreds, don't you? Hit it hit it with the thing push it on it a little push it back and forth Instead it becomes fucking mission impossible three. He's got a higher Simon peg to hack in in a fucking mainframe

He forgives a murderer. It's fine. We don't have to talk. Well, get there Get upstairs ring the bell get this bell thing out of your system so that we can concentrate on the big stuff. There you go. So we cut to the brothers doing their community surface. And he wants to give his little brother, older Jonas wants to give baby Jonas a hit from a flask he found in the garage right and the reason why the kid doesn't do it he goes mom will know we've been drinking and I'm like yeah she's such a stellar fucking parent why are you doing community service of the church you fucking

vandalized yeah well it also like where it was his dad Truman Capote where the fuck who drinks out of a flask anyway? So and and there's also there's a lot of this. Oh, if only dad was here talk from from the kids You get that every fucking if they're on the scene or on the screen for more than 30 seconds They're gonna talk about how boy if only dad was here. We wouldn't be hoodlums at all We'd be like straight arrows and going to school and whatnot little house on the borough They were just like when the poparita's all will be where. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's just a good old boy. And he basically walks in the church and he's like, hey, hey you kids who obviously don't want to be here. You got some food for a stranger and they're like,

no, we don't. And we don't want to be here. Yes. To which his response is, God is funny. Funny like a clown. Where goes, he goes, God is funny funny like a clown Where goes he goes God's funny sometimes he'll prolong a challenge or give a baby AIDS that one is high Larius not so much Funny is the baby you know it's he's does this case funny to you funny not like

So then Nick goes to rough think L up because he's a bad ass and just And I just want to point out we have simultaneous notes all of us wrote notes separately all of our notes say kick his ass Get him Hey, I want to point out mine says please prison rape this guy. Yeah, okay, say kick his ass. It says something about his ass But yeah, it's quite it's quite a good line when he says How about I'll bless your face with my Go ahead and joke that I then he threw his sandwich out of him cuz it's a bad day It's like where Gallagher grew up, you know on this

And the guy he doesn't pick up the burger if you're homeless and starving and someone throws a burger at you, you pick up the burger. That's like, that's like a stripper asking you to like face up your dollar bills and a neat stat like, she starts to put them out again. Like a vending machine. so So and now we get just so you know how cheap and stupid this fucking movie is now we get a one week later Title card. Yeah, and the The This is just so bizarre I Feel like the movie fan and me just can't get over the fact that we get a three week later later title card two scenes and then a one week and there's

never a reason why the time it has to have gone by I'm expected by the end of it it's just like a couple minutes from then you know or something like that yeah. I'm gonna pull the turn, the camera left. C'mon. X-serior, fade in. X-limation point. Awkward silence. But his survey is basically, hey everyone, you're probably wondering why I didn't take this ladder down for services. He's got a ladder in the tarp still behind him.

Well, it's because I don't give a fuck and I'm leaving. Oh, and by the way, at this this point if you were like man I wish there was another character that would get introduced that doesn't make any fucking sense don't worry we just introduced a younger version of the hunchback of Notre Dame who's been haunting the church the mother of the two boys there's a younger version of that that the older brothers gonna try and fuck but she sits down and we want to know that she's important. Yeah but we won't actually meet her until we're well into act three again. So we just it's like the cameraman was feeling pervy because we just watched this

Latina girl sit down and it's like Jim, Jim, you're supposed to be filming the Sneech guy. Oh shit. Yeah, my bad. This is for Jim later. footage home. And also we've seen so many of these like barely attended churches in these movies why don't all of the people sit together right it's like a urinal situation it's it's good and just as he's explaining that he's going to leave it's peter dinklage interrupts a clock

yes exactly exactly exactly like he did in the first movie he breaks in the middle of the sermons pastor and starts giving his own sermon where he does the thing from dogma where Ben Affleck goes around the room and tells everybody what their sins were except for in this movie the sins weren't anywhere near as good you're out of order this whole church is out of order You're out of order, this whole church is out of order. You're a countdown to the world. Now I want to see this character go everywhere, just like a big montage of the Drifter, like the UN General Assembly, you're up to, like, you show up at a science lecture.

If I could just take over for a moment, Jesus would disagree with all of this. You guys are talking about stuff from before the universe started. That's great. Like, it goes to a Jewish wedding, grabs the mic from the best man. I think the guy you people murdered said it best when he described love is flying tackle from the side. They all end with a violent tackle. Yeah.

Just go double check. Just to not know that dying rather than go to all those things, why didn't he just come to the last pastor? He said the Lothapastal. And they were looking for somebody this would have been great. So yeah, he does this shame everybody in the church thing, but this time he doesn't have the coughing cancer. And then he like asks what the world would be like if everybody acted exactly like Jesus. And I just wrote my nose three words, extinct fig trees. I wrote Lord of the flies

So what would Jesus do is and then drops the mic and I have expected the title card to cut to like 17 minutes later, but it's sad and I just want to point out the music for that scene is flowers peek through the snow on the Civil War battlefield. It can burn if it's like that Jesus if freak later turned out to be a general that would bring us all. I'm looking for you. I found that whenever someone, I mean I've been in church services back in the day and if someone stood up and started doing what he did, you know, people start getting up and walking out, they'd feel uncomfortable. In your country I guess he'd be shot within about right. No, no, he's fine. He's fine. Okay. Okay. Okay. He can take over a birding station and it would take us a month to kill his ass. Yeah. But if you look at the

crowd, I mean, I don't recommend that you go back to this film ever in your life. But if you do find yourself watching it, have a look at the people in the audience. They just go, oh, look, it's a pedophile coming in to contraband the pastor. Let's listen to this guy. So then we cut to Pastor Translucent Jimmy Fallon wrestling with his faith or whatever. And he pulls out mom's old Bible. And then we start like flashing back to just several minutes ago in the movie, which is, this is, that's like this movie series

is version of the map scene in Indiana Jones. You know, he's like flying and you can see the red line going from place to place They just do that and everyone of them so you know you're watching. Oh, what would Jesus do film? And basically so then they cut to him and the drifter talking and He's like how did you know about all the things I've been going through and he's like well? I'm a magic well, and this is by the way like the eighth scene in a row magic well and this is by the way like the eighth scene in a row which is you know bow fucking hazard walks into the church and starts talking to somebody it's that they just over and over like basically the rest of the movie is just a

series of those scenes so yeah he gives him his good old walk it off advice for grief or whatever and then you know the pastor's like well it's easy for you to say you live the easy carefree life of a homeless person. Yeah. What the fuck was that all about? Yeah. Key feeling for a pastor, they should know better than that.

I think any pastor should know better than the same. Also, one of my favorite lines of the movie, when Peter Dinklage has been talking for a while, he goes, what does that mean? And why am I listening to you? Yes. Totally would ask for it. I identify with you right now. Right.

Well, yeah. And then he's like, well, what would Jesus do? And I'm like, well, according to what you just said, he'd murder my mother and my brother to make a point about how I should love him more. It's not a good person. Right. ACI says, God is big enough to let you doubt. Right. Obviously not so much that because he'll throw you in a lick of heart.

He's a very bad and never get quenched. But he does let you to die to little. God big enough to let you be angry. God's big enough to beat up your dad. Bring God's dad says bring your God God can beat your dad up any day. He knows karate super karate ninja karate Shit so then the pastor walks out and he goes into the office so he can have his what would Jesus do freak out moment Where he chucks his Bible and then this safe just swings open? Yeah, and he has a series of flashbacks of I guess getting beat up by Ivan Drago is that Poor James is safe breaking skills were shit compared to that Bible. Yeah

Hey God opens doors And Hey God opens doors and Ray So at first it takes us a second to like to get to the big reveal here But it turns out that before Jimmy got shot He actually did open the safe and he left his booze in there and then he All right follow me on this one. I apologize All right follow me on this one. I apologize He found a ledger in the bank in the safe

Which allowed him to then access some old ass bank account and use the money You don't get the money that was in there guys that's finders keepers law if you have And gladger you can just do it fine Right shit anyone who just leaves their checkbook around that money's yours now fucking Go to the bank index card crayon 2015 dollars Cash this I have the seat in all the counters and everything. It was in a safe Yeah, yeah, I open this account back in 1827 and I figured it's probably got some interest on it now So while we ponder how the fuck that supposed to work We're gonna pause for a well-deserved break, but before we do let me give back three the hard sell here

Well jump and Z host the fat looks like them do boys work themselves into our right pickle this time But hold on your stump is spelling. We'll see how it all shakes out And we're back with a homeless drifter so look a lot of us here What would Jesus do? Would he invite a man on his podcast and refuse to let him pick the movie? All right, just let me hit him. Can I hit him? Would he get all defensive about how long he spent in the shower? Would he accuse him of stealing his jacket? You are wearing it, but most of all, I'm still talking, but most of all, would he have over six terabytes of choke porn on a zip disk in case the power went out? Dude,

that's not either of us. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about fucking snitch? We do the And we're back for even more of this shit. If you were thinking to yourself, you know, this movie's had an utter paucity of church cleaning sequences. Well, damn it if you aren't in luck. Because now we're going to cut to the younger son, Matt, and uh, ding-l-l-j, uh, wipe-in-down, pews together and having a- having a heart to heart.

And, uh, yeah, this is probably not the first time a kid's community service was to rub some wood at the local church. I'm guessing. Wow. Right to the pedophilia jokes. We're out of the interstitials. Right to the pedophilia jokes. We don't even warm up motherfuckers.

He doesn't even warm up times yet. And it's the younger brother in Peter Dinklage and there's sort of buddying around and he says, you know, my mom really likes you. And I wrote in my notes, no, she likes you. She wanted to ask if you can touch your chin with your chin. She said, can he breathe through his nose or is he gonna give up like a bitch?

I don't know. I can't reach my chin, but I can make it all thick. Yeah to which he says you you should do whatever your mom wants because she's brilliant. She's got really smart boobs. So I thought maybe we were going to get a little little action for a dinklage but we didn't. So now I guess older brother didn't show up for the community service because he's not Jesus See enough And this is also the first time we actually address the fact that this guy's never gotten a name in two movies

He still doesn't get a name He goes what's your name and he goes what's your name buddy and he goes hey you can call me buddy And you just see the kid be like no What is your name? Not doing that You can call me buddy and you just see the kid be like no What is your name? People who are about to commit crimes won't tell you your name My name is buddy and I take off your shirt if you get too hot nothing weird What Jesus would do if he got too hot and your trousers?

I am after all not hurting anyone. Just a couple of guys were gonna fuse together with the shirts off, listening to Unchained Melody. Did church, those candles are supposed to be on man, it's like supposed to be like that. So we learned that the younger brother's nice because he gives him a sandwich. Half a sandwich. Half a sandwich. And at this point Peter Dink Lynch goes, well, you know, this would be the first time

I'd eaten in two days, but I'm going to give you the other half. And the kids like, no, man, if you have an eaten in two days, you should have the whole fucking sandwich. Right. Because I can just go home and get another sandwich. Yeah. Yeah.

High school student sharing six inches eat fresh. Well and I wanted so bad because because Dinklage splits the sandwich and gives him the half and then he's like no no you can have it here he gives it back to him and I've wanted it so bad to be because he'd shit in it or something you know I was like oh you thought I was just meeting jeez no that's like pretty supposed to be a jeezus character. I think the guy gives him half a sandwich and he goes, well, guilt, guilt, I haven't eaten for so long.

Can I have the other half please? I said, I mean, what sort of an asshole does that? You go, I had no sandwiches. Now I have half a sandwich. I will not rest until I have all of the sandwich. That's a prick. Multiply some fish, asshole. So now we cut to older brother, who is literally wearing a ski mask and carrying a person

into an alley. Yep, just casually mugging him. The way that you do. I mean, you couldn't, he might as well have been wearing the little burglar mask like the fucking hamburger or something and a white black stripe prison outfit For fuck sake and that like he's he's going through the person He's so disappointed in his hall. I want him to find like an electric butt plug in there or something so bad Well the younger brother goes I knew you'd be here. Why does he know that? Does he always come to that same alley after he mugs someone?

Risky. This is my this is my mugging alley you see. And in the middle of this is this art. Is that what you call it? It's American slang and it'll get over there eventually. So, um, so another arguing about whether they're going to get community credit uh... community service credit and whether or not they'll have enough money to pay back a j now we never get any context for this what so ever they never explain why they owe a j money but apparently they owe a j money and we're just gonna introduce that fact half way into the fucking movie and make it a huge motivating factor for these guys

yes uh... but don't worry because AJ will pay off as a whole guy. Ever captured it on film. You know how Werner Herzog took the drone up there and he saw it was inside the cave and he didn't show you the footage. You know what it was? It was AJ. And later on in the movie, we get to see it. I thought that the film was filmed in such a bad neighborhood that there could only be one thing that the

money was for and that was probably lattes. So they get to a scuffle and the older brother chokes his younger brother to dead. Can I can I go through this fight sequence for a second? Can I go through this way more punchy that you usually get it is I mean so it's starting with It starts with a a lefty jump punch from Nick the older brother and then Matt the younger brother does the standard counter Counter-moo triangle square circle circle circle. You got it. That's the standard counter move and That's that's gonna let you you're gonna let it hit you right in the face and then do a righty jump punch that's the kind of and then uh... the nick blocks that righty jump punch with his face to get the

upper hand and uh... proceeds to strangle the brothers to death does he strangle him to death he strangles him to death now according to the NYPD that is not excessive at all he's a cigarette. We have a blue seat. Exactly. It's all brothers matter. So now we cut this.

We might as well because there's no black people in this movie. So now we cut this scene with Nick and his girlfriend. Keep in mind, we have not met Nick's girlfriend. This is the girl that was wandering into the back of the church. But for this point on Like the major theme of the on major undercurrent to this movie is whether or not Nick and his girlfriend are going to fuck Yeah, this point on those are the stakes of this movie. Yeah Nick really wants to fuck blossom that absolutely the character description for this for this girl

Said you know how my ambialics not horsey enough for this girl said, you know how my ambialics not horsey enough? Yeah, fix that. She looked like the Jewish friend from Wonder Years. Paul, by the way. Except for a shit. That's what I thought the entire fuck it time. So, but so, can I say that the dog all the way through the scene, it basically had my facial expressions as I was watching the scene.

I don't know if you noticed this, but it kept coming to the dog. And the dog just had this brilliant WTF Yes every time you see it, he would say, well I don't know, I just prayed him back to life. I mean, don't be like, oh, Okay, so yes, now that's what's going on here. He's telling us his girlfriend. Oh, yeah, no, I murdered my little brother But he's okay now and and first of all the girlfriend is such a willing apologist for the for the nearly murdering She's like well you didn't need to hurt him. Did you oh no? No, I was choking him so And then she says well, what did you do to get him to wake up? And I'm like yeah, that's a normal inquiry to get him to wake up and I'm like yeah that's a normal inquiry. That's the kind of thing a person would then ask and then after that of course it might

note that just says oh for fuck's sake. Because he prayed him better. I don't know, I prayed and then he woke up and she was like cool. Anyways I brought you a flowers and a bear And they argue over the gender of the teddy bear for a little while, because it's one of those Christians have to do flirting and they don't know how that works things. So yeah. Well, he says, is it a boy bear or girl bear?

And he opens his legs, like, oh, it looks like a girl to me. And then he goes to kiss her and she's like, let's call the bear, no plusy for you. It's called the bear. No plus the for you. Call the bear. Dopp it. She says, I'm 17 years old. I'm a virgin. And I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm moving up.

No problem. Sure. I'm with you. I'm also, but she doesn't want to kiss him because she's a virgin. And I wrote my notes, you're 17. You're still a version of you kiss someone. As a minor point later on the film, just, I mean, this is the most important, but she does admit that they have kissed before this event.

Yeah, so we don't know why she's not kissing. It makes no sense. No, the one part of this movie that really left me wondering what the fuck was going on. So then she has fun. Everything else is fine. Yeah, that was really nice. And otherwise, yeah. So then she has this model where she explained that she stopped going to church after her mom

dies because that's the only reason Anyone ever stops going to church Except divorce inducing jobs, of course as we learn last. Yeah, a painful employment also, right? Yeah, so but basically we learn that it's okay Nick. It's not you It's her and then they break up. She's not given up at the with the party so right nick is so incredibly hurt that she won't fuck him right after he strangled his brother to sleep

it's not you it's me it's nothing to do with the beating up your brother it's nothing to do with the very sort of controlling behavior slightly rip you over tones of your mind and the fact that you've just admitted that you will like violently attack your own blood to the point of murdering them and needing divine intervention to bring them back. So yeah, I'm not thinking about having sex with you at this very moment. Right.

So we cut to the younger brother. He's doing the church service, but he got his arm broken from the choking. Yeah. Sometimes you don't read your arm breaks. It does. He's doing the church service, but he got his arm broken from the choking As whole it's my fault he hit me. I should have had his dinner ready on time moment so fucking painful And then we got the greatest Fabio Dreamy eyes then we got the greatest and fabios uh...

dreamy a j is okay yet you know how jared lido is playing the joker yes the guy who went too far they were like uh... this guy's a little much let's go with jared lido instead that's he's giving a more subtle performance i also want to point out that these,

okay, these are the two neighborhood bad asses that they owe money to. They show up and these guys could not look less street in thongs and knees. Hi. First of all, it looks like the bad guy student from Karate Kid III is one of them and also trans Draco Malfoy.

I have people at Garth, but yes. They're gonna, they're gonna menace these people with a golf club, we know wait, a golf ball. A golf ball. They tee up a golf ball like they're gonna threaten them with swinging the club, it's ridiculous. It's like they saw that scene where, I forget what the movie is,

where the guy makes the other guy put the golf team is mouth and like hits a ball off of his face i don't remember what the guy richy flex copy go more happy go more yes it was done it was done much better and i got richy flex okay well this summer we were just that it's like they saw that they were like you know what bad guys have golf and then we also this is It's like they saw that and they were like you know what bad guys have golf

And then we also this is some phenomenal dialogue we get there The older brother shows in shows up to save everybody and he says to a J's like if I see you around my brother again I'll take that club and make your face look like a hole in one Sorry, yeah, no that makes zero sense. I'm sorry. I thought that I had something I'm gonna come up with something clever later guys You know it's gonna happen. I'll call you later But AJ is like that's okay. I got my money. I'm in a good mood That's okay, I got my money. I'm in a good mood. Scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop, or take. Like he's in Reaper Madness or something. I have a second half of an eight ball waiting inside my nose, the moment I inhale.

There it was! Who wants to have a heart attack on the craft services table? Oh shit. Again, maybe I picked up too much of a homage in there, but I thought the guy with the eyes was supposed to be Christopher Lloyd from Who Framed Roger Rabbit and it's a little... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're not killed. You're following I talk like this Knives come out. Yeah, no, that would have been awesome again again or WFRRs we should call So now we got to the the next scene which starts off with the pastor waking up to two female characters trimming his bushes and Hoping he would service them Yep, it was a clear enough. Not the fun. No. Hello, Pastor. We're hoping for an early morning service.

Yep. That's where I went. That's why we were trimming our bushes before you came out. So, yeah. Now, so apparently, Dinklage, who got beat up by the way, I'm sorry, kind of skipped over that. He got beat up with the golf club in the little exchange. So now, he's concussed and hospitalized so he can be unconscious for the rest of the movie

as he is. And I just want to point out in the first movie when he had cancer they just stuck him on a cock in the last while it was being bulldozed but in this movie they're like oh my goodness it might be a concussion let's send him to the hospital right again they learned something between one and three oh and apparently the young the girlfriend uh made a dead brother plaque for the priest.

Yeah, and it is the shittiest, lowest budget plaque you could possibly find or made. Are they basically walked in and they were like, whatever your lowest price option is, just open up, open up POS on your register and hit the first button you said that's what we want. Curning people, curning. Do you have anything less expensive than the candy you also sell at this county? Yeah, exactly. It looks like it's from a gas station keychain rack with all the names on it. In loving memory of Jamie, they ran out of James. They ran out of James.

He goes by Jamie, right? They never have my name, same thing. They never have my name. So then we cut to Haven pizza with with the boys, the the the the Jonas brother. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then there's a knock at the door and every time there's a knock on the door in this film, everyone shits themselves. No one is ever expecting anyone and they always just go, there's a knock at the door. It could be the postman. It's probably murder. Two love.

Let's see if he rings twice murder to love it's you rings twice uh... but now it's the pastor and he's not there to kill him he might be there to fuck me as a pastor so keep the knife and should that you grab it but the pastor is there apparently to help them fix things with their missing prison dad right ice i've said this before but the older brother he is set off by the word father like he's gently getting his collar off and unleashed

Like every time someone's like oh man, that's a grandfather clock. He's like you said father Just immediately starts to try to fight everyone he knows Right so he says I want to help you guys fix things with your father and uh... he's like what do you get out of it is it's the fucking bells that's all i've got and the one thing that right here i just need an electrician i've i've set up one of those group goalberg suicides and it starts with a bells

this year i've i've spray painted fed on my own chest and I want to do this the right way. The kids mom's at this point had already said. I don't really want them back. I don't think it's a good idea. He was drunk. He was abusive. He did all these things.

And the pastor's going, I think, they shouldn't bring them back anyway. I need an electrician. So let's bring him back. Right. The mom's like, not so much. Not so much. You know, I need an electrician. So let's bring them back Right, and it mums like not so much not so much. You know bad stuff in the past. I need an electrician. Sorry lady I don't know he seems like the kind of shoot someone with a desert eagle. No, that's okay And I guess in order to find their dad He's gonna root through his Bible and his flashbacks to earlier parts of the movie James 42 7 the man who shot your brother and your brother.

James doesn't have 42 chapters, I'm just saying. I have the same Bible as Donald Trump. And you're a racist. And what's your name's a bimbo. So then we get another scene with the girlfriend. So she's basically telling him that if she if he wants in her pants uh... they're gonna need to get married

right life after death is in probable a sex after marriage and by the way uh... secretary out is wearing iblac like a baseball player at this point except it's above her eyes. It's ridiculous. Secretariat. Also, I want to point out she walks in. These kids are poor. This older brother has been mugging people in a ski mask, but he has more than one guitar. Yeah. For $3.

Right. Right. And apparently she has no idea about the poo poll, loo poll either because you think that they would. Anyway, so again, this movie, idea of a good idea, 17 year old girls should get married to the first person that she fucks. That's this movie's idea of great advice. And apparently also, the film has decided

that the sex life of this girl is suddenly the focal point of the goddamn movie. Right, it's like Jimmy, this creepy camera guy from the beginning was like yeah i don't know maybe just like listen we're running short on time just like a scene or two about whether or not she wants it you know like maybe she wants it but she she can't get it you know she just can't get it you agree to get you guy so then of course we get one more scene to remind us of the ticking clock with the uh... with the pastor on the phone with

disembodied church business guy who wants to tell him it's too late the least of the church won't be renewed uh... and i'm thinking of myself yeah past demanding knows all about that shit he says like well what can I do in the other guys like? Yeah, I don't know that you can do anything. He's like and I and I'm raising my hand. I'm going I know I know you can wish magically You can wish magic have you tried wishing magically yet? How about your church? This is also the scene where Nick says my dad hated church and I wanted so badly for a flashback to dad getting attacked by a church in the bushes of noms that's when i stopped going to church

that would not be by the way the least realistic that's when i stopped going to church and that we've got in one of these not at all would not even top five so and then we got we cut to the pastor's skip and interrogate and mom about where dad might be and again she like basically her message is like well you know even when he wasn't gambling or drinking he was still kind of an asshole so right he would come to church even when he was ignoring the family and

destroying our lives right so and then she says the reason he's so mad at church is that he owed a ton of money to a book he made. So and then she says the reason he's so mad at church is that he owed a ton of money to a bookie. He made bad bets. And then he came into church and gave all the money he owed the bookie to the collection plate. Well drunk. Well drunk. Well drunk. Yeah. Here. God. God. You gotta give me 20% interest on this man. I need a hair. Look. I'm good for it. I'm good for it. What the fuck? And also, there's no moment where they acknowledge

that the church shouldn't have let him do that. No, yes. Right, you would think they know who the guy was. They know he was a drunkard. They know the family needed the fuck. Yeah, right. No, the money just gets sucked away like a casino in a tube and yeah, you can't do anything about it.

Apparently. I have an insight into this because it adds a part to the story which I don't think is explicitly explained. The previous pastor was in charge whenever this drunk guy came in to put all the money in the collection plate, right? The previous pastor took the money out, put it in an envelope and said, give this back to the drunk guy because it's his money and he did it when he was drunk. He put it in the safe. Wheneverames opened the safe he found the money and then bought all that shit in the cubes that he spent it on the thing that's that's what happened all right all of a sudden the movie makes more sense it

turns out that Bruce Willis was dead the whole time I wish they oh spoilers yes we sorry no illusion so now again mom is clearly clearly urging him to not get in touch with the dad so they go to the park where the dad hangs out right also the music you for the park that that hangs out is the sharks have broken through the laser uh... uh...

uh... exactly what they used to Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, Bunker, my life. And I don't know, it's just kind of a social comment. When women say something like that, there's usually pretty strong reasons why you should probably not bring that man back into their life. Churches, especially, should be listening to people who go, please don't bring that man back into my life. And yes, I mean, I quite a part of from all the other stuff that's going on. You've got a woman who's gone through all the stuff and she goes, please don't bring that batman back into my life again and the church goes, nah.

And he's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. What could happen? You signed the portion slip, walk it off. Go, go, go, go down he's all dressed up to go and he's all dressed up for dad and and he runs up he's like you know they see you some bum sleep in there and he runs over and it's the wrong guy and he's like man I could have sworn that lump in

the blanket was shaped like my dad's lump I don't know but they have a wrong bum montage yeah it's like a buster keyton show up at the train platform and steamboat bill you know just like that uh... and then they find the dad and the pastor standoff in the background when they run up to him because he recognizes holy shit that's the guy that shot my brother now right if you're wondering did he wander off to call the police or something? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no this movie and while they're having the conversation the pastor just comes in for a side tackle which is just hit some with a car like breaking bad.

But didn't he look good though? Didn't he look good? I mean we know at least four weeks of past since he did the murder right? He looked good. He was I mean he was a down and I'd show but he had a nicely trimmed beard. He was looking mean, he's a down-and-out show, but he had a nicely trim beard. He was looking after himself. Yeah, his face goes just the freshly shooshined and every he's covered. He's covered in dirt and the sun's immediately go What have you been doing? And I wanted to be like oh, you know bowling I have this new job in a law firm

It's great. I don't know man. What does it look like? They're like when are you coming home? He's like I can't come home because I don't have a fucking shirt. Also, just a little moment, I knit picky, I know, but they point out they go, hey, we put little things on all your baseball cards. We saved your rookie Mickey Manel cards. What? It's still good as new.

I googled that. A rookie Mickey Manel card is worth $24,000. Yes, actually, it's just so everyone's- It's even worse than that. If you're homeless and also you own a Mickey Mantle rookie card, you're an idiot. Because, yeah, you said $24 grand and I'm sure something. But if it's a 1952 tops in mint condition and that's definitely what you're talking about when you say Mickey Mantle rookie card, that card is worth about half a million dollars.

One of them sold for over five hundred thousand dollars recently technically not a rookie card but even in bad condition thousands of dollars yeah yeah absolutely a lot more than you put in the god damn collection plate and they say that he's like ah you guys don't worry about that you just you should get rid of them and i'm like all i have four incredibly valuable comic books in my massive nerdy comic book collection

four of the matter and when my child is old enough to understand words i'm gonna hold them up to him and i'm gonna be like you see these you see these we sell these in case it ever turns to homelessness or you can't desert eagle and go to Robert Church, sell these. You try to decide between murder or sell this. Yeah, exactly.

You're like, you're only got half the value on Craigslist though. It's not going to work. But pastor is gone and dad realizes that it's the pastor whose brother he murdered uh... yet right and so he's like stay away from yet you can see the fuck out of here i need to change my name and uh... put on a wig and you know fuck to a different country

uh... so then we cut over to uh... to mom come and to see pastor deceased jimmy found about meeting with the dad And and he now knowing that this is the guy who killed His brother is like and he's a rotten human being that deserves to go to hell But he doesn't tell the mom first That it's the person that killed his brother. So he's just like he's just like yeah, I met him He was a he was rude as fuck. He didn't hold the door open or anything. I mean Give her some

he carries the lead he really is he's not a good pastor he's not a good communicator and it seems that his fifth can only be sustained by emotional blackmail it is paper thin paper oh but this has my favorite line of the movie or uh maybe my favorite line of the movie

where he still hasn't explained why he hates her husband is just like i don't like that guy which i would have been the first things you would have been like how are you oh your husband murdered my brother that's the first thing you say and then you say the other stuff she goes you're a christian leeway how can you hate and i just wrote in my notes i will find this woman and fuck her how can you not i was gonna say i wrote your christian leader how can you hate? And I just wrote in my notes, I will find this woman and fuck her. I was like, yes, she's, how can you not hate?

I was gonna say, I wrote your Christian leader, how can you hate straight people, I mean. Straight, yeah. She's a ridiculous white man. I'm so white man. I'm so white man. How can you hate him? How can you hit my men? Yeah, actual line in this conversation, she says, how can you surrender to Satan? That's an actual line in this conversation she says how can you surrender to Satan? That's an actual line. And then he replies, oh your your husband murdered my

brother and she's like maybe it was an accident. She immediately starts to apologize. Are you sure he meant to shoot him to death with that guy? I mean either way you're kind of being a dick about it. I mean wouldn't Jesus be a lot nicer about this just saying right she takes the news very well right yeah Oh again, let me tell you if I had a nickel If I had a Mickey Mantle baseball card for every time my husband murdered someone Well, too, what he he killed them? Oh, few. I thought you were going to say something much worse. But Jesus would not report murder separately.

No, no. No. These things are better dealt with internally like, yeah. Like child rape, yeah, exactly. So then we cut to dad, to dirty bum dad, writing a suicide note, because he just can't- In the park. He a suicide note because he just in the park he's just going to hang himself in the park. Apparently right.

He's going like he's like you know sure hope I don't go to hell for this and like you're a murderer. So if there's a hell there's already a spot reserved for you. Also you can't start a voice over for a character that's already there with 15 minutes left in the movie. That doesn't make any sense. They haven't do a voice over writing a suicide note as already there with 15 minutes left in the movie. That doesn't make any sense. They haven't been a voice over writing his suicide note as you listen to him speak his suicide

note. Oh, but that's if God forgives this enough suicide. It'll philosophical note there just to keep you interested. Oh, I'm going to kill myself. That's if God forgives suicide. I'm pretty sure we're okay with the murder thing. I mean, I've seen what his people do, but But just as he steps off to hang himself the pastor cuts the ruts the fucking rope

I wanted so bad for it to cut back and he's got like a ninja star or something He stayed in 50 feet away or whatever I never mentioned I'm just about myself then the music from reservoir dog starts. Yeah What is the past? What did he think was happening while he watched this guy? Ty a noose and put his face inside of it and put string it over a branch like holy shit He's gonna strike himself with that news. I better find the news. I think that he had his Swiss army Hanzo steel Oh, I would never make another one of these to saw beside me knives i'm gonna lasso me a moose

and then the guy who has just been cut down backs away like oh you gonna hurt me no man i just cut you down if i wanted to hurt you i would have done nothing so no thing is required if i wanted you to die Standing here I could have come around to the other side and waved at you Yay jump do a little jump thing so you get your neck And then the most morally insane line of this movie comes out he just because he's talking about oh you know by forgive your whatever any goes quote i would rather my brother die young and glow to glory then be old and go to hell yes yes that's the terrifying concept that justifies like

like if you think about that one all the way through you should murder your two-year-old That's the that's the logical conclusion of what we've got going here. Yeah You need to turn yourself in Jesus forgives you for murder So just again the the world of this moving the world of this movie is Jesus will forgive you for murder. So just again, the the world of this movie, the world of this movie is Jesus will forgive you for murder, but will not forgive you for thinking he's not God. Yeah. Exactly. And also, universe of this movie, I know where a wanted murderer is who murdered my brother. I'm gonna leave it to him to turn himself in So we finally cut to the church and the church is done. Yeah, they're all finished

So dad shows up evil murder dad shows up the family is there at the church for whatever reason, and he's still going to turn himself in, but he wants to fix the church bells first. Well, he's lost about 10 years because he's, he's washed, he's put some grease in 2000 in his beard, and he's combed himself. And he, he's back looking like the hoppy that he always was By the way, I just want to point out the next what the last 20 minutes of this movie I'm just writing he's a murderer in my notes Murderer murderer

Oh, just the murderer what this what is the murderer saying now? Well, I'm getting anna, murderer, murderer, murderer. Well, that's my very next notice, because he turns to the wife and he goes, Francis, could I talk to you? And I wrote, oh, private time with the murderer. That's usually a bad idea. Yeah, I wanna fix things between us,

even though I'm a murderer, because he's a murderer. He's a murderer. And she takes his cheek and she goes, oh, you're gonna yeah, cheeky murder And goes I'm a new man. Give me a chance to prove it. He's a murderer. Well, and then he's like a Hugable lovable fuckable murderer Francis you deserve someone better than a homeless convict murdering alcoholic habitual gambler and she's like well, yeah, I mean

You're pretty much as bad a person there as there is. So, you know, there's only better from you. So, yes, I do deserve other than you. We also get the, the, the girl friend. Seabiscuit. Yes, he biscuits. Jones back. Carly Fere. And they did her their damn just to put her in a sexy dress, you know, and that they just mean like, you know short skirt But she's she's back to give him his teddy bear because she's breaking up with him Bring this stuff to a church I Will here's all your shit

well it's like one of those tv shows that let's like let's like cheer like everybody always went back to the bar because that's where the show took place i guess no one ever went home or anything they always came to the bar to find them it's like that only with a church so we also so i guess niktokites that he loves her enough um... to keep dating or even if he's not getting any pussy because eventually He's gonna get a roofie down or something Right and she's like he says I'll marry you. I mean not today. That's crazy But like someday before we fuck I'm not And then she whispers in his ear.'s like, be the man I can trust.

Yeah, and I just wrote in my notes, stay golden pony. Yeah, I do you one. So yes, the message of this movie, be a good Christian and the type of woman who won't fuck you will like you. Hmm. That's, be a good Christian,

you might get attacked by a bear someday Like if that's like even the Revenant Leonardo DiCaprio had been praying right before the bear Well, there's a good lesson for you So then we get back to dad fixing the bells and he's talking about the bells But he's really talking about his relationship with his sons in the most ham-fisted bullshit with his sons in the most ham-fisted bullshit analysis. And he's a very judgey murderer by the way. He's very much like, well, you know, this church ain't quite up to him. And like, you're a murderer.

Well, murder isn't the euphemism kind of thing. You don't be around the church bells or metaphors for Jesus or his soul or who gives the fuck he's a murderer. Here's a murderer But they'll come and visit him in prison all the time how touching just like this time Right by the way music you hear the ugly sister is getting married at the end of the romantic comedy Oh and by the way I Did okay, so dad fixes the bells the bells ring and I have to say honestly Honestly, I'm not just going out of my way to pick on this movie. I did not realize that a bell could sound ugly

Wacking up Such a let down eight years of electronics and it's just like a pot. Such a letdown. Eight years of electronics and it's just like, BANG! WACK AT IT! So disappointing. I love the universe of this film is that everyone is either a Christian or a backslidden Christian. There's nobody for us. Look at that and go, do you know what? I just, I really wanted a minaret. I really, really think you're called a prayer. There is no, there is no what would all I do. There's no WWAD peace be upon him it just Want to minaret I don't want to hear calls to prayer five times a day fuck this shitty bell

When I remake this movie, I'm gonna have a Jewish family that lives next door to the church and they hear the bell for the first time They go, ah how often is that gonna happen? Moving the church and they hear the bell for the first time they go oh how often is that gonna happen? Oh we're moving. No no no. No no no. But in this movie again because like I want to be in a bell that went about a bicycle. Yeah right they're all backslid Christians in this universe. So like it's a fucking conch and it's summoning the event. Exactly right. But girl, they all hear the bell and they're But oh yeah Jesus and they all They're fascinated by the noise this shitty like the whole town's reacting to like the ice cream truck sound but magical yeah, right right They're all just wafting in the carat smell that guy Jags the only lightning wizard in all the land and

uh... uh... so then we cut to the wrap up which is the board will renew the lease but only if you're the pastor and of course murder dad says i sure hope murdering your brother doesn't mean we can't still be buddies and then we're good we're good don't worry about it yeah and then of course uh normal sized ink lid shows back up on head

trauma so uh right you know and and they hey the door was open also I sat in the baptismal and they have this bizarre like why didn't you give up on us loan some Jesus drifter? It's like he didn't do anything He just didn't do anything he came in and interrupted your sermon was like fuck y'all you're not nice. I'm not hurting anybody Is you're in running down your life And then he hitchhikes away because I guess some other town somewhere needs him or whatever Oh, what would Jesus do for us? So as the mostly harmless bum Jesus moves on to the next town in search of new producers to Swindle we will reach the well-earned credits and bring this excruciating trilogy to

a close and of course that leads us with the obvious question of what the fuck the point was. So anybody care to offer up the moral of the story for this one that's what I thought I would not we'd like to let the other family play it's a Christian film written for Christians and it confirms everything that I understood for Christianity They weren't doing any of themselves any favors with this one

So obviously any rating system worth it salt wouldn't waste celestial bodies on this piece of shit So rather than asking how many stars you might give it I have a question for each of you. We'll start with Dr. T. He's the guest. So Dr. T What is the worst eradicated disease or old old time immality that you would reintroduce upon humanity that would still be better than this movie? Oh geez, um, what? The ethics in this film are so wrong. The morals are so dark. Darkness causes records.

I wouldn't give everyone rickets I like it just not just bring it back but give it to everyone and still some every woman on earth into a sibi and I like Everybody won't Like the guy at the start Everybody fucking be suddenly as rickets and they're going like it's still better than I guess it Just could have been we could add another one of these what would Jesus do okay? So he what is the most important part of your body that you'd be willing to part with if it meant there would never be a what would Jesus do for All right, I'm gonna say for skin. I mean

I'm gonna say four skin. I mean, I'm already circumcised, so it's kind of weird, but I would let someone go back for the scraps if I could stop that one. I would let an old Jewish man with herpes cut my dick and then blow me rather than, yeah, but that's where I draw the line. So like, so I'm like, I'm like medium against it. Coming out for me. Right. Just disagree, not strongly disagree. like uh... so i'm like me i'm like medium against it coming out of forty just disagree not strongly disagree disagree my medium there's another box

restarted extra medium disagree and finally elie what is the kinky is thing that you would be willing to do to kim davis rather than watch this movie again uh... i would shittin her mouth well i mean you would i

i would hope i would you ask the question that doesn't matter that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that days of magic convention center food for to run out and just throw and and we'd have a go fund me up the next day like bail you like out of jail she like goes to Columbia I just want to point out Ohio is only one state away bro we could get that go fund me up page up

in a hurry well I gotta say dr. T you made it all the way through you have earned a pint or a tanker or whatever it is you guys, you was over there. Free blowjob from God. Cannot thank you enough for bearing through this with us. So if our listeners should have a wanna follow you on Twitter for some of those occasional nuggets of brilliance, uh, where would they go? Uh, it's very easy to find me at, at Dr. Underscore Star, Underscore T. It's really straightforward. The word star

It's it's just my marketing is brilliant. It's really good really good. Yeah, we'll have it linked on the show now It's how's that sound and while that does wrap up the whole fucking WWJD trilogy that doesn't do it for the episode just yet because we still need to get your tummy rumbling over next week's show So tell us Eli what's on deck? Christian mingle the movie finally We've been waiting this movie we got sent like this movie when people found it in gas stations before we did this show Yes, and we couldn't it wasn't on iTunes It wasn't anywhere, But then this week someone posted on my Facebook, it's finally on YouTube, it's finally free. That's the sign of a good

successful film. It's like most Christian movies. It is landed on YouTube to be viewed exclusively by its actor's parents. Right. There's not enough website movies out there yeah yeah if i'm not busy alright fuck off christian mingle the movie you can set my dick you know what apparently so what what i'm gathering of the preview it's about a girl who's just can't find love so she signs up with christian mingle even though she's not christian she's christian and it's like a lay christian

oh god it's not that she's much more she's just not Christian enough. That would be a weird fucking movie. It wouldn't be weird for what we see, but it would be weird Now I have to say I'm really hoping I can't remember his name right off the bat But we have a one listener that is very good about sending us naked pictures of the women in the movies that we're doing Yeah, I really hope he comes through for me on this one Because this the chicken this movie is more than more than fair child is gorgeous. It's Jamie and I think she's a girl I eat either way. I just yeah, just make a picture look whatever your gender is we don't judge We're not what you're talking just send us titties. That's not your job. Your job is not to have a gender It's just a

Tits of the women in these movies. Oh, there you go. There you go. I'm sure he's gonna end up sending us Morgan Fairchild instead. But you know, what? I'll take what I can get. Yeah. So I guess with all that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 24 to one merciful clothes. I need to offer one more big thanks to Dr. T for suffering alongside us this weekend. Of course, a big thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a

per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And when they're by earn early access to every episode, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on i2 and 10 by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist and the skeptic crowd available on i2 and stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodawfulMovies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Draft Sun Mars on Was Used With Permission. If you like what you hear or hear more by following the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm No Illusion's Promise

and to work hard to earn another chunk next week and tell then we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. breakfast club close bold best around break the social that was originally written for rocky to by the way or no rocky three my uh... dirty murder or dad

sentence to life in prison because i'm super duper sorry does not count in the real world. The pastor got revenge in the best way he could by laying the pipe hard into his wife. The sons sold their dad's Mickey Mantle card and ended their financial troubles instantly. I don't care, no power! I was like oh no someone's calling me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dr. T? Oh, sorry, yes I am. Yes I am. More competent than I realize. So problem, we very rarely have on this podcast. We lost Dr. T.

Oh, no, I'm back. I lost you there for 10 seconds, let's all right. We're so good, sorry about that. That must have been why you didn't laugh at my Marisa Tome with Spina Biffa to joke. That's the only explanation. So I do one night? Pretty good.

Say it again. Say it again. It'll be funny.