God Awful Movies - 242: Ambushed!

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

This week, Dudley Dumpling takes us on an Old West Adventure where we learn the importance of loving Jesus, quick before you get shot and killed while a puppet looks on in horror. It's a weird show. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

You like helmets, right? Power Rangers? You know who the first power ranger is? Jesus. Exactly. Yeah, I think one of the exact phrases is God wants you to gird your loins, which is also he created a bunch of stuff that goes right for your dick apparently so worship him and gird your lines against his dick attacking creations is a weird message Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be is my good friend Heath and right, Heath, welcome back. How know? Oh God. How you doing? I think we're all asking that question.

I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I'm going to say some racist, anti-native American stuff just to explain to everybody ahead of time and what that meant. Go ahead. Yeah. All right. So sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic, Noah. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. Are you? Yeah, are you? I'm great.

I feel like you're too shabby for the first time ever. Are you not feeling too shabby? No, trust me. There'll be a day where I'm too shabby. You'll know. We've all been waiting for you. One to 10 shabby-ness, what were you at? Two.

Two. Oh, come on, bullshit. You haven't had to go out in like nine days come on you're at least at a nine and a half on the shabbiness oh yeah that's true yeah from the external shabbiness yeah yeah so you've never been in a two when we were in a two you weren't in a two it you're fucking wedding I really wasn't all right right, so tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched ambushed. It's the story of a Native American becoming a completed Jew, just American, a completed

Native American Christian. And then he takes up the completed Red Man's burden and helps an evil white guy atheist. It's wildly offensive. The whole thing. It's and brutal. I don't know. It's very short. I hated every minute of it.

Yeah. I can't tell exactly when this was made because IMDB has literally never heard of it. Like I looked up the various actors, many of whom I could find on IMDB and still IMDB has never heard of this. But yeah, it was, it was clearly in a far less woke day than the, than the 90s or 80s when we grew up. Wow. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love PBS, but you think Dora the Explorer uses way too light a hand when it comes to the wages of sin. You love this movie. It's a Sesame Street epistemology. Oh nice, nice. There you go, except for the opposite. Yeah, so here's what bucked me up about it. I normally know very little about these things as we're going into them.

So all I knew is that we were dealing with a Western movie starts. It's got the most generic possible Western music. It's got the most generic possible Western, you know, visuals and everything. And about four, five minutes in puppets show up. There have been a human being up to this point. Everyone's been a human being.

And then there's puppets and they surprised me. I got to say you really got to know going in that puppets are about to pop out of that stage coach or it'll freak you right the fuck yeah. You got to cold open with puppets if you're going to say it. You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exact. At least make the horses puppets at the beginning. It's so stupid of you, fun. Give me some indication that there are puppets coming. Don't surprise me post credits with puppets. Yeah, and these puppets particularly,

so just for clarity, this is not the first Dudley Dumbling movie. It's just the first one we watched. So this movie's really hoping you're up on your Dudley Dumbling lore when it surprises you with fucking puppets. It's also the last one we watched. Just putting that on record. Oh, incorrect. Literally two votes.

Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Best worst puppets for no For the reason right yep and except for one guy in the movie It never acknowledges the fact A movie that just happens to have three puppets in It's insane and the one time it does get acknowledged the one guy's like all right I'm sorry if I'm way off base here, but you guys fucking puppet. Yeah. And they ignore it.

Like he, like it was like a social, like he asked about a goiter and like they just go right and ask it. It's insane. So like watching Shawshank redemption, but Morgan Freeman was a puppet the whole time. And otherwise exactly the same. Exactly. Exactly. I'm not a fucking acid flashback.

It was ridiculous. Yeah, there's some Dudley Dumbling deep blower about a world inhabited by puppets that I want to catch up. Okay, but here's the fucked up thing. Not only are these guys puppets for no reason, but the puppets serve no real purpose in the story, either. Uh-uh. Right?

Everything about them is superfluous. No, I think they just had some actors that were like, I don't know. I'm talking. But you probably shouldn't show me on camera. You know. All right. So I was gonna go with best worst gunfight.

Oh, yes. So like, I know that gunfights have gotten better over the years, but man, holy shit, I didn't... I forgot that this is where they started, right? The whole like, everybody's hiding behind their own rock, Pekew, Pekewing, and occasionally there's a bazing. That's the whole fucking thing. And this is like a bad version of a Bazing, that's the whole fucking thing. And this is like a bad version of that.

Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, makes you really appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly. Yeah. There's one great moment in a gunfight sequence where they do one of those PQ moments. And one of the extras clearly got like blasted right in the eye with some trash. Yes. Yes.

The fucking the blacksmith guy. Yeah. Yeah. You practically grabbed. I was out. I'm out. Time out. Time out.

And then he's never in the rest of the movie. They just cut away after five minutes of him being like time out. It hurts a lot. You should cut away. We all get around to watching this. We're joining hands and pray for him and shit. Yeah. Yeah.

See now, I was going to go with best worst Nazi dog. So Dudley Dumpling and Gramps have a dog named Vine Hoff, Moffent, who they will just occasionally reference. Is that the name of the dog? It's filamon. It's something super German. It's filamon. It's something super German. It's filamon. It's filamon, but he's he pronounces it really weird. He goes filimon or whatever every time he says it.

But yeah, come filimon, right? So it sounds like, oh, Safin der Van Scheidelvakant. It's a very, it's a very weird like if this was an episode of hunters, it would be foreshadowing that Gramps was a Nazi. That's what I'm saying. And by the way, this dog, this puppet dog will never do anything. I mean, it won't could, nothing except for Gramps occasionally turning to him and being like, yes, you are a pure breed, filiman, a pure breed indeed.

I'm going to be fired by Lehman. But you're going to be indeed finished your sass perrella dali. Finish your sass perrella. So just so everyone shepherded. Yeah. So just so everybody knows if you're following along, my subtext for this movie is that Gramps is a Nazi who escaped down to Venezuela and now time travels to try to save the furor. So I haven't seen

the first Dudley dumpling, but that's, that's what I'm talking about. See, I was close. I was, I just had him like traveling through time to like hide from Nazi hunting, time traveling bandits, really. Yeah. Yes. You could go back in time and save one person from dying. Would it be Hitler? Hitler would be Hitler. Yeah. we're Nazi puppets. Alright, well, there's some pretty crazy shit on the other side of this break, so we're gonna give you a chance to prepare yourself and then we'll be back for all the strained puppeteering of ambushed. Guys, guys, get in here. Eli, if you show us the supporter tape one more time... No, no, no, no, it's not that. Check it out.

I call it the two-thinator 9000. Yeah, that seems dangerous. Is that a bandsaw? Yes, and yes, I'm telling you guys, this is going to be the ultimate way to maintain good dental care. Eli, the best way to maintain good dental health is good habits. That means brushing for two minutes twice a day and flossing regularly, no matter what brand you use. Oh, but that's so much stuff. Okay, but check out Quip.

Quip makes that simple, starting with an electric toothbrush, refillable floss, and anti-cavity toothpaste. Plus, Quip delivers fresh brush heads, floss, and toothpaste refills to your door every three months with free shipping. So your routine is always right. Wow, that sounds way easier than the tooth and eight or 9000. Well, and if you go to getquip.com slash awful right now, you'll get your first refill

free. That's your first refill free at get quip.com slash awful spelled G-E-T-Q-I-P dot com slash awful. Quip, the good habits company. Okay, okay, all right, so so much for the tooth and eight or 9000. Okay, but why a bandsaw? Why does his head go back into the left? I am not having this fight again.

Alright everybody, welcome to the first ever writers meeting for ambushed. Why does his head go back into the left? I am not having this fight again All right everybody welcome to the first ever writers meeting for ambushed So Gramps and Dudley are headed to the old west for this adventure. Oh, what are you guys thinking? Um, oh, how about a bank robbery? Yeah, yeah, it gets foiled by the lone ranger. Oh nice love it Love it and a lengthy lecture on the metaphor of the armor of God, right? Right? Sure. Sure.

Yeah. I guess so. That's part of the. Maybe they could be in an Indian chief and participate in a horse chase. Yes. Both of which and in a protracted lecture on the metaphor of the armor of God. Seriously Phil, look, look, this is a Christian kid show. I don't be lumped in with those heathens

over at fucking Sesame Street. Okay, but like it could still be fun, right? Yeah, like come on, man, it's still a kid's show. Fine, fine, uh, it's still a kids show. Fine. Fine, uh... 22 minutes of sass brilla conversation, then the armor of God, Jesus stuff. Sounds good. This is real. Sass brilla.

A lot of sass brilla talk. So much sass brilla talk. And we're back for the breakdown and we're not even gonna get through the production logos before I have questions. Well questions did you have? Mr. Button Family Video? Yup, zero seconds before they accidentally made a sexual in-you window they don't understand. Yes, right, right the fucking logo comes up and I just wrote Mr. Button Fox.

Wait, what did I miss? What, how is is what was the sexual in you? You missed the clitoris he you missed the Clitoris. Sorry, the what? Mr. you it's okay. We're gonna answer remorfise the clitoris as a guy named Mr. but I'm not going to go ahead. I didn't do it. They did it. They're the ones who created Mr. Button production. I think you did it. All right. So we get Mr. Button. He fucks me. Then we get Harvest Production. Harvest Productions, by the way, very much does not fuck and doesn't

approve of it when you do it either. They have an entire hymn for their intro. Oh my God, it goes up for so long and the music is just, it's so generically Western. Well, stolen magnificent seven. Literally stole like I actually made a joke about this about during the we did crawl as the bonus episode that's coming out soon, but in this movie, they literally almost note for note stole the Magnificent 7 theme. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're like, bye, bye, bye, bye. They do it for a while. And they're like, okay, now we just go out of it. And it's not. Yeah. Apparently, and apparently this flew enough under the radar that nobody noticed was this made before that? Maybe did Magnificent 7 steal it from this? Oh, I had no idea when this was made because I find no reference to this on the internet

anywhere. We are the only evidence that this movie exists. All right, so we get like a solid three and a half minutes of credits, including this one. I love with members and friends of West high Baptist church and Mexican gospel mission. That's really great. It's there. I was a big fan of Wallace big Willie Tucker. Yeah. He was in the movie. Also, by the way, Ron Nix is in this. He almost nobody would recognize the name. He plays the lone stranger. I shit you not the lone stranger. Is it the magnificent 7.1? Yeah, exactly.

The lone stranger. Yeah. So he is like a legendary stunt man. And he was, I don't know, like he, he really dialed it in for this little bit, but he does a ton of western and horse stunts and shit like that and has a non speaking role in this one. And again, like even on his IMDB page, there is no reference to these fucking puppets. And he was his dying wish to have this remove from his IMDB. I think he's still alive, but yes, it will be his dying wish. It would have been funny if he was a puppet too. It wouldn't have changed my mind.

But he never talked. And they're so bad at puppeting. His mouth would have been moving with no lines. We also have a bunch of shots of a cowboy gearing up to these credits. And I learned from this movie that SNM is just a cowboy who kept going, right? It's like, all right. We'll put Clip and Saddle of Belt and Tie this. And I was just like, okay.

So a guy just had like three extra pieces of leather. And he was like, this is a six thing now. But anyway, we see a lot. I noticed I'm guessing buckle salesmen just crushed it in the old West. Yeah, they really did. Buckles everywhere. Maybe now it's there. We're in an SNNM situation.

They're gonna make money. I don't know. I guess everything was buckled to everything in that. Yeah. So, okay, so the cowboy gears up. They get on the stagecoach. We watch this stagecoach, but I don't know most of our adult lives. Right.

And then the stage coach pulls up, this guy goes to take the male in or whatever. And they zoom in on the stage coach. We've been watching it for about four minutes now. And three goddamn puppets pop up out of the stage coach and freak me right the fuck out. I love this so much. Heath and Noah's notes are just surprise and terror at these. Okay, so let's be clear. These are some rough looking puppets.

Yeah. Right, like as I understand it, Jim Henson made the original go at Kermit by like tearing up his mom's old jacket in the closet. They were not able to hit that level. No, no, they were waiting outside by Jim Henson's dumpster and they were like perfectly good jacket remains. We got puppet. So yeah, it took me a minute to recover from the fucking puppets, but these are the puppets. There's Dudley Dumbling, there's Gramps, and there's the dog Philimon or as... Finally man, finally man. Yes, sometimes there's fine comp for whatever his name can. But anyway, so they have time traveled to the Old West town of armor.

This has all happened to me in eight seconds. It's going to take a long time to recover from all of that. Okay. They time I didn't get that part when who we're in, we're in puppet universe to start and then they have a time machine and they go here. That's well. Well, he's, I don't want to spoil when we watch in search of Dudley Dumbling, which is the first movie in the Dudley Dumping saga, which we skipped over, but yeah, they're time traveling Christian puppets. Okay. Gear up. So okay, with it, here's what happened to me is when the puppets showed up, I read the goddamn description on the YouTube thing and that's what it said is that they time travel to the old west.

So yeah, so the puppets head to this hotel, everyone seems cool with that. Right? They're in the city of armor and they go to the hotel armor. I expected the front desk clerk to be named armor. We're all armor around here, aren't we armor? Yeah. Yeah. We're all armor around here, aren't we, armor? Yeah. Yeah. But then a family of, you know, human beings goes into the hotel and they check in and I wanted them to be like, hey, in Keeper Cool, which is like a room. Also, you know, you got like three puppets, right? And they're just like standing out on one of your balconies, like puppets, like not

people. Puppets, they talk. Mm-hmm. So yeah, so they check into their hotel. Oh, this is where they meet the fucking eight year old bell hop pee-wee, who they want to be friend in a very creepy sequence. Right, Gramps turns to fucking Dudley and he goes like, yeah, that, that 80 year old high seem like it'd be a little nice to be friends with. And Dudley's like, I don't know. And he's like, wasn't talking about you. Also, this is where they gave

the puppets legs. Oh, man, are these hell creations? They are a thousand feet long and they pour out of the TV screen and wrap around your neck. It's fucking insane. Yeah, that's the thing is, okay, yeah, they're like basically like muppets, except that occasionally we see their legs and that makes it so fucking creepy. Yeah. You guys know it's just devolving to terror as we get through this each time. Puppet likes pop up.

It gets worse. Yeah. The puppet legs get worse and worse. They turn into spiders legs and they have maybe come God be here. Rimeval before it's all over. Yeah. It's fucking terrifying.

All right. So, oh, and it's time to introduce the main theme of this movie, which is Sasparilla. Sasparilla. That's a definitely main theme of this movie, which is Sasparilla. Sasparilla. That's a definitely the protagonist of this movie. That's a theme in the movie. Yeah, it's mostly about Sasparilla, actually. The Bellhop kid says, can I get you guys a Sasparilla and Graham says, I'll

think I'd die at Sasparilla and I think that's a joke. Okay. So right after that, there's a gun shot, which is going to spur forward the plot, but I really wanted to grab out a fall forward and someone to be standing behind him, like, nobody orders diets. That's brilliant. All right, so, yeah, no, there's a gun shot. They all run to the pepper town.

All right, so the era gunshot though, they all run to the window and it turns out that there's a bad guy robbing the bank. Well, he's trying for it anyway. Luckily though, a white hat shows up just in time. Now, this is Ron Nex, legendary stuntman. And I say that because there's no way you would guess he was legendary based on this weak ass horse to horse tackle. And he does. They slow dance on horses for a second. And then they both roll onto the ground. Oh, it's so bad. Yeah. Yeah. I have to feel like either the other guy wasn't a stunt man or Ron

next is like, all right, but I'm not getting fucking hurt for you guys. Right. It was one of the other. But yeah, he tackles the bad guy, knocks him unconscious and then rides out of town because he's the lone stranger, right? Question, if you are doing bad guy stuff in the Old West, why don't you dress up in white hat and white cowboy stuff? Right.

Nobody would ever see you coming. That seems like they just completely, they've decided on that. Right. It'd be such a bitch to keep it clean. Yeah. That's what it is. They know the villains wouldn't keep it clean. Everyone starts out in white and then eventually when you get dirty enough, you have to become

a villain. Huh. Yeah. That's got to be it. All right. Old West Rules. in white and then eventually when you get dirty enough, you have to become a villain. Huh. Yeah. That's got to be it. All right. Old West Rills. So, and then all right.

So now everybody gathers around the unconscious bank robber. Peewee is sure worried about him, the little bell hop kid. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I know. So I'm like, I'm having a lot of trouble following the first seven minutes of this children's puppet show. Yeah, he, he, like, lies down by the guys side. He's like, don't die, Mr. Taggart. And some rando is like, he just hit the ground kind of hard. And people, he's like, yeah, man, that kills people. Thus my worry. That's my worry. Yeah.

I was confused that he was, he's, I thought he was a good guy because, you know, a kid is like, Dad, don't die, but he's, he's a bad guy. But I was thinking like, see, this is what, this is why you don't wear face bandanas for fun if you're not a bad guy. That was just right. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is pretty, it was, it took a second to us to help figure this out, but yes, this

was the bank robber. His daughter is right there and runs up and says, oh, dad, bank robber, dad, I hope you're going to be okay. And the bell hop kid is unrelated, but just worried about Mr. Taggart, the friendly neighborhood bank robbery. He's just also in the movie. He's like, I'm also here. Right.

Yeah, basically. Yeah. All right. So now we head over to the jailhouse and meet the sheriff. We meet him as the girl that had come into like, you know, cry over her father's unconscious body, shows up to like give the sheriff a pie. Yep. She says, I brought you a surprise.

I really wanted her to pull out a sick shooter, blast him in the face. Come on, Danny. We're getting out, Danny. We're hitting the road till the heat dies down. I honestly felt like, you know, like she was seducing the sheriff on behalf of moms. You know what? He's going to go away for a while on this bank robbery thing. You're single. Yeah.

Sex thing was super weird before cell phones. Let's just admit that right now. But yeah, so the sheriff's like, well, thanks for the pie and everything. Now, you can give a slice to your dad if you want. So she goes up to her dad and she wants to give him a slice of pie and a Bible. And some America. There you go. Half a Bible, America.

I'm sure we have puppets in town. Why is no one freaking out about this? Fucking puppets hanging out, but yeah, we all have some version of, is there a file in this pie? He can talk about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this.

He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this.

He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's talking about this. He's like, that's not what I fuck it. You know what I'm fucking. Damn it.

No, Jesus can set me free. No, that's great. Cool. Jesus. Yeah, right. Jesus. Send him on your way out. Fuck you.

Stupid little girl, idiot. I'm an atheist. Morality is relative. Read a book. Not the Bible. All right. So meanwhile, the puppets are having the root beer at the restaurant. The fucking gramps says to Dudley goes, how's your sass real? Dudley then critiques the fucking root beer like he was a judge on

chat. There's a little bubblier than I like it. I gotta say honestly, it doesn't have the nice same smooth flavor of a Dr. Pepper. Yeah, the puppet prefers Dr. Pepper. You hear that heath? You end a puppet without a tongue. Both love Dr. Pepper. He has a tongue?

What are you talking about? Dr. Pepper is better. Dr. Pepper is delightful. I don't know what, this keeps coming up recently. I don't know how. I have a Dr. Pepper sitting right next to me at this very moment. It's really good.

All right, so Gramps observed that they're drinking their sasperilla, that the town of armor needs God's armor. Get it? And a little Dudley has a weird fucking guess as to what that is by the way. He's like, oh, it needs God's armor and Dudley goes, you mean law and order? And Gramps is like, no, I meant a metaphor. You were really quick with a 1980s Reagan catchphrase. I heard that out there, Dudley.

Oh, too fast. And Gramps is like, uh, he's like, what was, uh, a fuck was Peewee's motivation in the last scene? He's not even related to that guy. Dudley's like, I don a fuck was Peewee's motivation in the last scene? He's not even related to that guy. He's like, I don't fucking know, man. I guess he was in the movie too, right? Yep. And then Gramps makes Peewee finish his Sasparilla.

And I only point this out one because the puppeteer cannot make this puppet drink his Sasparilla. But like the scene grinds to a halt. He's like, finish your satsbarilla and we'll head upstairs and Dudley's like, I was wondering and he's like, finish your fucking satsbarilla. And then we cut to Gramson Dudley upstairs in the bedroom, doing a little Bible reading for play. Yeah, you thought Burton Ernie were progressive. These guys got the love that Dairnought speak its name between a grandfather and grandchild.

So, you know, edgy. I don't think that's progressive. Are you giving that as an example of like highly progressive? Yes. Okay, that's not comfortable. The direction of progress is confusing this What do you like to say? All right, so Gramps is reading the Bible. He's reading that fucking bit out of Philippians about the armor of God because Christians are so damn confident

that that's the one that's going to get kids to dig their bullshit. What? There's armor and a sword. I won't apply. Right? Yeah Right. Yeah, we've watched like 16 movies now that invoke this armor of God thing. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah, no, but again, it's because they're like, it's like, yeah, armor, kids and God gives you a shield and a helmet.

You like helmets, right? Power Rangers, eh? Eh? You know who the first power ranger is? Jesus. Jesus. Exactly. Yeah. I think one of the exact phrases is God wants you to gird your lines, which is also

he created a bunch of stuff that goes right for your dick apparently. So worship him and gird your lines against his dick attack. And creation is a weird message to focus on fire and a couple from Ephesians. Yeah, right. And then he falls asleep in the most realistic reaction to a Bible we've ever had on God awful. Right. Grims Wallace asleep because this is fucking boring. And the kid, the kid goes, okay, God, God's asleep because this is fucking boring. And the kid goes, okay, God's armor.

Can we not just buy some of that? I wanna buy some of that. And Gramps is like, no, we don't buy it. We live it and pay 10% of our income. It's your one. Yeah, and we both, but it's both. All right, and so Grampsalls asleep and they need this puppet. But they don't need for whatever reason they decide that they need this puppet to sip a

drink from a bottle with a straw here. And it is so painful to watch them try to make this. It's like the movie that we did with the paralyzed cop. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, they're so we did with the paralyzed cop. Absolutely, yeah. It's like that again. Yeah, they're so fucking terrible with puppets. To the extent that I actually watched this and thought to myself for the first time,

huh, I guess puppets must be harder than I thought. I know that must be more to puppets than Oolibaz was giving him credit for. What's funny is that you learned that during the same scene that this puppeteer learned that I just sort of fucked it. But at some point the puppeteer was like, I can do snoring really good. I'm good at that as a noise anyway.

So I would puppet snores for a long time. Aggressive snoring just to show off that trick. He nailed it. Read's like a hug rough. How dare you? Can you get a CPAP machine for a pug just for their daily look like not tiny moments? Yeah. All the time. I'm going to find out. And I'm sure I'm sure your medical coverage for Madge covers a CPAP machine with a total adorable hugs. No question. Yeah. Idris Elba, Tom Hanks, and Match all got the test for the coronavirus first. Ha problem man. No problem. So here's your puppet. Uh, wait, puppet. I'm an act. I'm not a, I'm not a puppeteer. So I don't think who cares? Steve

neither am I. How hard could it be? Just make the puppet do what it says in the script. Okay, but all right people were ready to roll. We're ready to roll. Let's do this. Take one. Yeah, I guess. And action. All right, then, don't we finish your session? For real. Okay, Gramps.

Sorry. How do I move the arm? I get it. We're still rolling. We are still rolling. It's on the stick. It's on the stick. Just.

No, I know. I know it's on the stick, but like, how do I get here, people? We are wasting rolling. It's on the stick. It's on the stick. Just I know I know it's on the stick, but like I don't want to hear people we are wasting tape, okay? Okay Cut cut sorry, it's Steve, right? Yeah, yeah, I'm Steve. Yep. Oh What are you doing Steve? What are you doing here? Oh? I Was just saying before, I couldn't figure out how to make the puppet drink, you know what I mean?

So, so you lowered the puppet onto the bottle? On to the bottle, yeah. Yep. Why? I was thinking, well, again, I couldn't make him drink with the mouth. I was thinking maybe he, again, I couldn't make him drink with the mouth. I was thinking, maybe he butt chugs it. He what? He butt chugs it.

Oh, you guys, it's where you put a bottle up your butt and then we get it. We get it because it's in your ass at that point. I tell you, I tell you what, why don't we just do this take and have the puppet drink at regular, okay? Okay. Nothing goes up the puppet's butt for this take. Nothing at all. None. Zero percent.

For this take though. Yeah. Okay. Okay, but I told you, I don't know how to do that. You know what, you'll figure it out. And action. All right, there, Dudley, finish your Sass Pabralla. Um, I got an even better idea, Gramps. Let me show you how to turn an apple into a pipe.

Cut. Seriously, dude? What? Let's take ten. It's educational. You would need to know how to do that, potentially. And we're back for more of this shit. And we're going to open up this time around on the blacksmith who also happens to be P. Wee's dad who also happens to be the guy I believe

who got eyeballed by the shrapnel earlier. Yeah, I was that him. I think so. Yeah. This is Mr. Bumpers by the way, Mr. Bumpers because you could have gave him like he's not a puppet, right? Mr. Bump because he bumps metal black. They were like bump metal, bomb Mr. Bumpers also 100% this actor was very much like fuck you.

I'm wearing my t-shirt and a civil war hat. That's old timey enough. So the big robber's daughter shows up. This is Amanda. She shows up, but she's like, hi, Mr. Blacksmith. I sure am bummed about my daddy being in jail. And the blacksmith is just like, well, you know, your dad is a no good, low down cheating, horan, syphilinic piece of festering possum shit. The little daughter's like, it's my dad and she's like, right, right, right, right? Okay, I'm a, I'm a child. So if you could not, does he not tell her to kill herself here?

Not that I heard. I did. I didn't just watch. I'm pretty sure he was like, well, your dad's fucking evil atheist. You should like dip your face in that big truffle water out there until you die. And she's like, oh, I'll try that later. I guess. Thanks.

He does tell her like you might as well dunk your head into the truffle water. Yeah. He says if you're trying to turn your dad into a Christian, you might as well just, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Which, which he then interpreted as go drown yourself in my front yard. How is that different? I think he was considering a dip, not a drowning. Well, I think he was saying it was a task one would not succeed at, not a suggestion. You know what? Agreed to disagree.

What other note on blacksmithing, by the way? Do you not have to heat metal? I'm hammering it to matter. He's hammering metal. He's just like, I'm banging it, bumping the metal with metal. I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get a good tune out of it. I don't know. So yeah. And so apparently Amanda is friends with his son, Peewee. So she's like, hey, can I go wake up Peewee? And he's like,, yeah, sure why not? I obviously don't know how to do this shit.

I haven't even needed this out. So get me the fuck off camera. And then he walks off camera for the next eight minutes. Yep. All right, so the daughter goes to find pee we and he's like, I don't want to hang out with you. And she's like, really? Because I heard that the lone stranger was was nearby, totally different angiards. It's a good, okay, there's no, and he's like, load stranger, I'm fucking in.

I'm in. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's all about it. We also get another shot of the puppet legs here. They like drag them along the ground as though the puppets are walking. Again, it's my hell. It's my hell. It's the opposite of ASMR.

Oh my god. If there's an opposite of ASMR, it's these puppet legs. I have so many plans in the works now with showing up with puppet legs. Oh, yeah. You like you have nine. Now you have an idea, but it's worse than you. It's going to be more than that. You can't even begin to imagine how many puppet legs are in your future. All right. So they had out to meet the lone stranger. They come across the puppets. The puppets would also like to meet the lone stranger. So they're on their way to do that and Gramps is telling them all about God's armor, right? Again. Again. I couldn't tell it was Gramps here. Yeah, I was just like, okay, who's talking?

I wanted one of them to be like, hey, what was doing voiceovers, fucking cut it out? Oh, it's granted your puppet, man. Can we just dwell on this one more time? Don't do voiceovers. Also, you're made of fabric, so that's weird. And he's going like that the shitty saying is so insane. Right?

He's like, when we meet our enemy, the devil, he has to put that, he has to specify, just in case you were in danger of taking this puppet seriously. Yeah, not enough children's entertainment names their enemies. What door to start doing that, right? Yes. Talking about her enemies in the cartel. Now, if you see this man, you tell me and I'll kill him

Where is he over there? Can you find my machete? So the daughter is like talking to grabs and she's like wait a minute Do you we have armor for Christians? You mean like being a warrior and grandpa is like, yeah, being a Christian is pretty badass. He tells them all about the helmet of salvation and the fucking shielding righteous. Yeah. Was really hoping we'd get to hear about the cod piece of abstinence, but we don't. We do not. Totally teased us on that girting or Lawrence thing. Oh, and by the way, while he's doing this, they just keep cycling through the same three shots in the most amazing way.

It's like far away close up horse feet far away close up horse feet. The entire scene. It's so good. Now Noah, so far, I think we can all agree. This movie's pretty boring, but you know what it's missing? What's that? Vicious, vicious racism. That's correct.

He said right. Yeah, we could use it. It becomes a lot less boring now. It's super exciting. We're about to get racism. All right, so they come across the lone stranger and he's with their worst.min, an Indian warrior. It's okay, guys. I'm sure that'll be tasteful. Yeah. He actually says it looks like an Indian brave, the little kid. And

no, it doesn't. It doesn't. It looks like an Italian guy with a feather in his hat. Yeah. It looks like. That is what it looks like. It looks like a tan dude from Brooklyn is what it looks like. Yeah. And then, okay. So the load stranger goes one way and then the kids run away from the Native American because he's the Native American, right? That is exactly what the fucking happens. Okay.

Oh my god. He's looking at us. He's looking at us. Don't make eye contact with the savage. Fuck. Fuck. Go, go. They react to the Indian brave, the way missionaries reacted to me in temple square and Salt Lake.

Oh God, it's coming this direction. It's just a huge idea. The Stan still missionaries only see motion. So, but the, but the Native American guy catches up with them and they have this really awkward like, well, we weren't running from who was running from nobody was running. Hello, it's not because you're an Indian American, a, may or native. You're not. You're very clearly not actually.

You're probably like a talent, but to the Indian chief's credit, he goes like, hey, are these three fucking puppets? I wanted heathed the pop up and be like, thank you. Okay, you saw it. You see that they're fucking puppets. I mean, asking everybody for the last hour, getting nothing. But of course he has to do it in the super offensive native American pigeon English voice. Oh boy. He also offers to trade the puppets for blankets and a handful of beads here. Yep. He does.

He does. They just man they were a fucking syphilis blanket away from going all the way, weren't they? Who? They sure were. Wow. We also learn his name here. He is brave eagle.

Yep. Is what he is. All right. So in the next scene, they sit around a fire together because that's the next scene. The fucking puppets and the kids in the, in the old engine feller are sitting around a fire. And this is where we learned that brave eagle is literally a mascot. Yep, they made him like he pulls out this can of beans or whatever and he's like, this

is my company. Look, this is me and he does like the super racist Indian pose thing. Oh, his pose is such a concentration of hate speech. You can make racism lemonade by watching it. Just hold the jug of water. Oh, so fucking rough. Yeah, it gives everybody an Indian name. Right. He goes around and he's been you you're gonna be such an, such an eagle. And Graham, she'll be a Tee-hee-hee, bald eagle. Right? But then P.E.S. for Nickname and he's like,

oh, fuck, wasn't really thinking of doing this for everyone. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh. We just got bald eagle. I just hear my horse sure is hungry. Right. No, what's that? I'm getting a smoke signal.

I got to take this. I got to take this. Sorry, I should have set that to vibrate. So he wonders how to go feed his horses. The little girl goes, he's friendly in a spooky sort of way. Is the actual line? Nope. Right?

I guess that's something religious kids had to say a lot back then, but still. Hopefully they love how they're fucking movie. And then fucking Peewee decides to go through his shit. Yup. Right? He's like, he's out of here, man. Let's root to his shit, see if there's some money in here or something. It's very strange.

I love the exchange here. Grandpa's like, okay, don't go through the guy's stuff. You don't trust him. And the kids like, I mean, I will after I go through his stuff. But grabs is like, look, man, if I'm sure if he's got drugs or porn in there, he'll share it with the time. It's right. And he was like, oh, man, I never get to look to people's book. It's different.

Get the first thing. Yeah. porn's going to be all used up. Everyone's going to describe it to me. But yeah, Gramps is like, more of the story, the big thing with Christianity is being nice to other races. That's established. I wanted the kid to be like, okay, but what about the part in the Bible? The big thing with Christianity is being nice to other races

I wanted the kid to be like okay, but what about the part and Bible here and scene All right, so then we cut to a church where they are there. But okay, all Christian songs are terrifying. If you pay any attention at all, they're talking about, they're singing about being washed in the blood of the lamb. Yeah. And from the sound of this, this tiny cowboy town has a full church choir. Then it does. Yep.

It's weird. Also, I just want to point out throughout the course of this scene, the song will continue. And at one point, like someone who is an operatic tenor will take over. So you're listening to like, maybe Washington, the blood of the lamb. And then people start talking. And about a third of the way through the conversation, you're just going to hear a guy go, and be washed in the blood of the life. It's so fucking disconcerting.

I wanted the camera to pan over and for them to be like, hey, man, we're trying to have a conversation there. Sorry. Sorry. It's my soul. I said, it's the switch. I watched your soul in the blood of the lamb. This is distracted.

The us. So yeah, so, okay. So everybody's going to church, including the sheriff is coming with a bank robber daddy. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha go inside the church, you want to say a compiled of his family out here? He's like, God, dude, but we don't have the lighting to do an interior shot at this time of day. So I'll meet him out here. And they're, they're fine. The cops are like, yeah, no, we'll, we'll go get your family, you know, freedom of religion is freedom from religion. So yeah, so they, they go in and they get the daughter in the, in the wife and the dad's like, um, he turns

to the daughter and he goes like, I got to go away for a while. And I'm like, Oh, good, they're not hanging him. I was just pretty sure that's where we were going with this. But no, jail time lucky him. And then they cart him off in the like the daughter in the wife are like crying and we're wondering what they're gonna the mom is wondering if she's gonna have to move into like prostitution or how she's gonna like make ends meet and everything and I wrote my notes. This is a puppet show.

It is a strange moment to include in their puppet children's television or Dana. Like I wanted to be in that writer's room where Steve turned to Frank and he was like, yeah, but I want to watch them like weep at their lost innocence, you know? You know, puppet show. Come on, we did your sass perillipit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, got this is such a weird fucking scene. And then it closes off by the way by zooming in on the church for like 73 years,

just zooming in on this window that we can't see through. I don't know what they thought they were doing. Well, then the cameraman clearly got distracted by a horse off of the side. He does. Oh, yes. I was just like, oh, look at the horse. He's following the conversation still going on. Look at the horse. The conversation's still going on. All right, so that's the events.

And now we have Peewee and Amanda. They're on the porch rocking, right? Are they like an old couple now? What? Very, yes. Like, a really weird version of Winhary and that Sally. We met when we were in a puppet town as Jacob. And this is such a weird conversation because she's worried about her dad who we just saw get carded off to prison and

pee. We's like, look, you did everything you could. You gave him a Bible end of list. You didn't do it all. Right. Right. I'm just like, I've been worried about my daddy all afternoon. How do I get the fuck over that goddamn shit? Father and bugging me back. I'm gonna let the loss of my father ruin my dinner. Absolutely. She's like, but what if and then Pee we cut.

See, he goes, he right gets raped in the ass. I know. She's like, no, I wasn't going there. I was, I was going to look like no, honestly, he cuts her off. She's like, but what if, and he's like, what ifs are stupid? Are they? Okay. Okay.

Sorry, are you saying questions are stupid? And I think you just proved my point. We're Christian. Well, he also tells her, he's like, well, we will just both pray for him. And I think you just proved my point. We're Christian. Well, he also tells you he's like, well, we'll just both pray for him. That's the best thing we can do when we're worried about people after all is pray for them. Yep. You want us to do nothing? Yes, I want you to do nothing.

Exactly. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm going to be honest. I did not load up the proper emotional palette for this puppet show. So while I readjust my expectations, we're going to take a quick break. But first, let me give it a act three of the hard. So will Amanda's dad be gang raped to death in prison? Will he become a Muslim? Would everyone involved in the production of this film immediately declare the latter of fate worse than the former? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the slap-dash conclusion of... ambushed.

Okay, and then you lower me on a rope into the safe from above. Yeah, got it. Hey, guys. What are you doing? Oh, hey, Noah. Heath and I were just planning our next big score. We're gonna rob a jewelry store. What again? Guys Andrew is gonna get so much money already in that antacid lawsuit as it is. All right, well excuse us Mr. Moneybags. Not everybody can afford the crazy markups of most places that sell this stuff. Well, no, that's true, but why don't you just try Majority? What's- What's Majority?

Majority. Sorry. Oh, are you guys- Are you guys- Where are you gonna go? No, no, you go. No, no, I insist, please. No, I think I did the last one. Honestly, it's totally fine, you go.

You got- Majority makes fine jewelry for every day without the 10-time markups. Majority pieces are fairly priced, handcrafted, ethically sourced and made to last. Sounds good, Noah. But we can't exactly go to a jewelry store right now. No, no, you can't. But that's okay. Right now, you can book a digital one-on-one appointment or live chat with a stylist. Get answers to all your burning questions. What's

my size? Gold or silver? What's the best gift and so much more? I mean that does seem easier than shimmying through event. It definitely is Head to majority.com slash awful or use code awful. Let's check out for 10% off your first order That's me J U R I dot com slash awful Me J U R I for 10% off your first order. Yeah, alright, so I'm in. Let's do majori instead. Okay, seriously, how were you guys planning to get Eli into event? A lot of butter? Mm-hmm, I see.

Like a lot, though. A lot. So much butter. Got it. What's the matter, little Becky? Oh, gee, I'm worried about my paw. Yeah, me too. God it. What's the matter little Becky? Oh gee, I'm worried about my paw. Yeah, me too.

Now you kids listen to me. Don't be. Don't be worried about my dad. That's right. In times of trouble it's best to remember that Jesus is our Lord and Savior Right right but Gramps you can still believe in Jesus and Everything is fine damn it. It's fine Oh Okay, now how about you to drink some more Sasparilla while grandpa watches. I don't want a I said drink.

Okay. Okay. Mm. Yes. Yes. And we're back from where this shit and we're going to rejoin the action on the two cops to share it for the deputy taken Hank the big rubber daddy to the prison in Silver City.

Yeah. And my favorite character in this movie is a guy that they apparently pay to just ride with you when you're going to jail on a little cart right next to you and roast you for like 10 hours. Two is tight 15. I bet your gang's going to try to murder you, which come out. That's pretty funny, right? Come on.

Let's see. What's the deal with jailhouse food? He's got, so he's telling him that he's basically like three inches from his face going like, I sure do bet your gang is going to ambush us along the way somewhere and try to kill you for turning into a stool pigeon. That way the, the name ambush would make some amount of sense by the time this was all over. Oh, I bet that's going to happen in three, two, you know, and like, but he's saying he's giving him the whole of, but you're safe with me speech, which we know means that like, you know, as it happens,

like his hat's going to get shot off right when he's done with this, but if his head exploded and his brain sprayed all overhang right in the middle of this speech, I would get, you know, with the puppets and everything up till now, like the coax the Christians in and then blow his fucking head off like scanners or something, I would love this goddamn movie. I also would love this movie if just the bad guys hadn't shown up and they're unloading him a 10 hour ride later. He's just like, well, maybe they'll try to kill you in the prison. I bet they try to kill

you in the prison. I'm gonna, I'm gonna learn some riddles for the next one. I know that's not much of a help to you, but, um, riddles. All right. So, uh, yeah, but then of course his gang starts firing at him and then hang in party fucking play fall off the coach for some reason. It's the thing they need to get off the coach. So they run it over the smallest pothole in the world and they're both like whoo! Between set pieces, move between set pieces. They might as well both start waving their hands in the air and yelling doodly too.

Yeah, so they fucking, they fall out of the goddamn and apparently the guy who's, who's the deputy who's in charge of the horses just doesn't even notice, he keeps so now they got to get a gunfight this is my best worst this is where like one guy's hiding behind a rock peculiar but the other guys also hiding behind a rock peculiar peculiar this is amazing more where they go give him up old timer and i want to be all got to be like never would rather die than hurt the economy. Oh shit, I feel like the way that this gun fight works is whoever gets the silliest pizzing wins, right? Cause you keep going back and forth that every time the, the piquim is a little bit goofier than the last one.

When did we learn that guns sound like guns? Because they've sounded the same, though, like a gunshot sounds like a gunshot. That wasn't different in the 70s or whatever this was. Yeah, but okay, but so they're outnumbered and they're firing on Hank in the sheriff, but luckily, just then the lone stranger shows up. Okay, but like this movie doesn't know how to do westerns so the lone stranger shows up and then immediately gets shot. Well, right, okay, so he starts by running.

He also doesn't hit anyone because we can't shoot people in the face in this fucking movie. So he has the even sillier pizzings, I guess, and then they're like, oh, fuck, we can't compete with those pizzings. And all the bad guys except for one run off. So just as they're like saying, thank you, lone stranger, we never could have done without you.

The one bad guy that remained fires and hits the lone stranger and he goes down. Okay, I just want to point out that makes a lot more sense. I must have spaced out during that part of the movie because what I Truly remember is this long-trigger shows up and is immediately shot in the stomach Which was a very different movie viewing experience Don't worry I'm here. Oh God. Oh Never poop again That's what I thought happened too. He basically gets shot right away.

Oh, yeah, he is up. Thank you. And then he gets shot in the dick, like right away. Right away. That's why you always gird your loins. If you had like a Bible, that would be pretty excellent. Yeah, yeah. No, that's exactly what happens is just that all of the bad guys leave quickly before that. Yeah

Just hollowed out in the shape of a dick like a guy. I don't know Now the lone stranger he takes a bullet and it's a bullet that's meant for Hank So now Hank wants to help Hank the eighthiest big robber that had no good in him whatsoever Now he wants to help out the lone stranger because You took a bullet for him CactiRyark nailed it. All right So we cut back to the town brave Eagle stereotypes this way in right yep

The kids see him they're like brave Eagle. What's up? He's like no time for your bullshit. Okay, my friends hurt and he runs off Yeah, and this is where we get introduced to like the mystery of whether or not this little girl's dad has been shot. That is so, okay, this is so fucked up. The puppets and the kids run up and they're like, hey, you know, like, Bravigal, who's hurt? And he's like, I have no time to talk to you. And he runs in.

And the little girl's like, sees her dad's hat right next to the big piles of blood on the stage coach. And she says, Hey, did my dad get shot? And he's like, again, no time to clarify. I've got to go inside. Yeah. And again, just to put a slightly fine point on it, look, here's some blood is a line of a puppet in this children's entertainment.

Gramps the puppet reaches out his felt arm to touch the blood. He's from the lone stranger's stomach wound. He's going full CSI on this. Wait, was your dad on the first? The blood for a second. Stasis, oh, Possible. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, all they know is someone's hurt real bad. They don't bother to tell the little girl.

It isn't her dad because then where would the suspense come from? And of course, grabs us. He's like, do you think my dad is going to die? And he's like, well, I guess it would be a really good time to assume so and make sure that we're very Christian, huh? that were very Christian, huh? He-he-he-he-he-he-he. God, he's doing this, he goes up on again, this long armor of God's feature, when we're in the whole time, by the way, the horse that's right next to him is very clearly watching the puppeteer.

Right, I really, I don't know if you guys noticed this, but the horse is very obviously looking at this dude who is hiding below this puppet going like, what the fuck are you doing, man? And it totally ruins this shot. It does. It really does. It's fantastic.

You just kicks the guy, he falls out wearing all the... Oh, grams. Different guy in all black picks him up. Does the matrix thing walks him out? Dudley walks over there and goes, is this blood? Is this brain matter? And also, by the way, this is a really, there's a really creepy conversation going on here because, you know, Graham says like, well, maybe your dad's going to die. Maybe not doesn't fucking matter if you're Christian enough, right? To which Dudley says, I'm pretty

sure this is a quote, I'm a Christian id willingly margin to certain death without fear. Yeah, is the message of the puppet show? I mean, to be fair, I'd willingly margin to death without fear is also the message at the end of Toy Story 3, which I thought was great, but it's even weirder. I wasn't expecting it from this one. Well, that was it. But it's even weirder. I wasn't expecting it from this one. Who? Well, that one.

It is. Watch that movie. They all hold hands and consign themselves to death. It's a trap inside. Yes, the end of Toy Story 3, when all the main characters are in danger, they hold hands and close eyes and prepare themselves for death. Really? I'm not joking. That actually happens. Pretty fucked up. Spoilers. hands and close eyes and prepare themselves for death. They do. I'm not joking.

That actually happens. Pretty fucked up spoilers. All right, Bosnick Hottec. And then I showed like, but they're all like talking about the armor. I got and then Amanda turns to Gramson. She's just, but what if my dad dies and burns in hell and of seen? Yeah. I left really hard.

It's like, but what if my daddy isn't saved? Hard cut. Well, right, but that's the thing. That's what the movie wants. The movie wants you, the child watching this to think, wow, he's gonna want to, oh no. You know, right? That's the emotion they're going for.

The letter H might as well have risen up next to the girl and been like, I'm a today's letter. H for hell. Burning the fire forever. Can you say Lake of Fire? So meanwhile, we cut back inside the doctor has done all he can for the lone stranger, the rest is up to God. And we got it to the puppets outside and the puppets like the only choice we have is to pray for her. And the puppet says, this program says, God, we know you love a man to his dad even more than she does. And I justut my notes. Weird, weird flex.

Yeah, weird flexing your prayer. If you think about it, a man that doesn't even really like her dad that much. But you do. And then he does this whole Jesus thing at the end. He's like, oh, also help him or heal him or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, whoever's blood dead is. Let's make sure they're okay

too. Well, I love he's like we should pray for the pray for your dad and pee. We's like grams Can you pray out loud because you know otherwise this is just us looking down for like a minute and a half on camera He's like, oh right right. Yes, that's that's going to help So again the fucking armor guy's like dear God, please let us use the sword of righteousness to defeat the badass monster of doubt and grant us the laser pistol was a difference as we face the monster trucks of unchucks Well, so this is a guy dressed in all black hiding right under me. Let's

So this is a guy dressed in all black hiding right under me. Let's pray this horse looks over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So yeah, now we cut back to where the lone stranger is inside where the doctor is done working on.

Hank sure is worried about him. He's like, why would the lone stranger be willing to die for me? And Braveagle says, because you are not yet Christian enough to die. And he is except in a racist Indian voice. Yeah. The only thing more offensive than the Jesus pitch is the Jesus pitch in racist half pigeon speak. Oh God. Yeah, well he turns to him and he goes like, you know, Taggart, this isn't the f- and I'm not going to do the goddamn voice. He does anything. This isn't the exact words or

anything. It's like, Taggart, you know, this isn't the first time someone took a bullet for you. So this isn't the first time someone took a bullet for you. Huh? Huh? Who else can we think of that maybe died for you? Huh? Yeah. Jesus, I mean, Jesus is dad basically shot his son in the dick for you. That's what happened.

And then that fucking Pravee go whips out a Bible from the fucking holster on his hip. Yup. I have here. Let me grab this Bible. I always have with me up my ass apparently. Yeah, and I'll switch right on. Well, let me open it real quick to Romans. Again, I love this so much. If you know the Bible, it's so much fun to watch the

Christian movies. Like anytime they open the Bible, it's always to like the last 11 pages or something. Well, not the last 11, by the way, it's sorry, it's before the last 11, by the way, sorry, it's before the last 11, but after the first 790 or so. All right, Jewish Jewish. Lies, lies, lies, Romans. There we go. There it is. Here's stuff that isn't disproven

yet. Kind of because it's vagueness. Well, yeah, right. Let me read you individual sentences from Romans 10, then nine, then 13, right? Because that's what you have to do to assemble something meaningful from this fucking book. This is also where dad prays and he goes, look, God, this isn't going to be pretty, but then Jesus Jesus, but I really wanted him to be like, all right, God, this isn't going to be pretty, but give me that sweet, sweet salvation, pussy, Lord. Lower your

in labia of salvation and forgiveness onto my waiting nose, Christ of soul. Sorry, I'm not a Christian. I don't know where. Is that good? Did God like that? Let me lick the peanut butter of forgiveness out of your butter. All right. And so we got back outside and just as Peewee's like, you know, fuck this noise, I'm going in guns blazing. Braveagle pops out and he tells Amanda to come on in. He's like, Amanda, come on in.

She goes, is daddy okay? And he goes, you just come. Yeah. Billy, the answer is yes. You prick. It feels like a weird time for a surprise. Yes. Okay. So she runs in. She gives daddy a big old hug and he's like, she's like, oh, wow, you weren't even shot. I guess they could have just told me you were fine right away. No real reason to make me wait at all, huh? And the dad's like, I'm not just okay. And she's like, you're saved. And he's like, oh, yep. Yes, kind of ruined my surprise. No, I am. I am. I hate you. I hate you with the pie and the Bible. I fucking hate you. So yeah. So and then brave Eagle is, it goes back to see who we can only assume to be his gay lover, the lone stranger. Very clear. The doctors like you

can see him now. Yeah. And then Braveagle has to go outside and give his very special feather to Pewie. Yeah, this metaphor was weird, right? He was like, because it was racist nonsense, but it was also like weirdly pedophiliac nonsense. It was like, also it was like weirdly, like hippie spiritual in the middle of this Christian thing too. It is. Brave Eagle has waited many days to find the right boy to give his spirit to boy that can keep secrets. Are you a good secret keeper? No. And by the way, P we do this entire thing is inexplicably

pissy, right? He goes, Oh my, the entire time he's like, I bet you go to do you have to work glasses on me. Socks, socks to be me. I'm writing to my notes. Did they forget there were puppets in this? Ha ha ha ha ha.

And then also all of a sudden kind of out of nowhere. Gramps cuts into do a wrap up like they just realized there were only 90 seconds left. Yes. I love the race metaphor. Like they start a metaphor and then realize they don't have one. It goes, life's like a race deadly you put all It's tough in it Well the opening is so fucking weird to grabs is like and I didn't realize that all the people in the city of armor were already

Christian which I mean it's American Mid-1800s. I probably should have just assumed that. I guess I could have really know why I thought they weren't Christians. Pretty weird of me actually. So I left. And then we get like the breakfast club close. That's right. To had goes to prison, but you know, Christian prison. So it's better. Yeah, Christian there. Christianly, the lone stranger is okay. He's fine. Don't worry about him. It's just a flesh mode.

And then in there, oh, oh, oh, and then we learned what was in those saddlebags that Peely wanted to peek in, turns out, yeah, they were engine bibles, and engine language. In the engine language. Jesus. I wanted so badly for the kid to be like, sorry real quick, what language is that? Cause there's like several hundred tribes across the West, and it just shut up. Shut up, shut up.

I'm the, I'm the tennis guy we could find. Yeah. And then like in their desperate effort to try to like, I don't know, profound it up. It's a little bit at the end. Dudley turns to Gramps and goes, it's good to be alive, Gramps. Like the best they could close on was like,

one puppet observing that not being dead is the preferable state of existence. Yup, it's closest to morality we get from this movie. I guess, or maybe they wanted to push back because they realized at the end of it, oh, you know, this is gonna encourage kids to commit suicide to get to heaven. We should probably point out that being alive is good too.

There. Soft it. Yeah. All right, well clearly this will not be the last we see of Dudley Dumbling, Gramson, Philemon, the Nazi dog. So, damn right.

What historical era are you hoping they drop in on next? Hmm, the Big dog. So damn right. What historical era are you hoping they drop in on next? The big bang. Oh sure. Yeah. They can convert some stardust. All right. This fucks up our whole thing. We just put, we'll put them in the margin. and might all be wrong. Okay. And I was going to go with Waco, the Waco. Oh, nice. That needed puppets. I've been saying that for years. There's children in there, Dudley.

There's children in there. Branch Davidians, the puppet musical needs. Yes. All right, Patrion dog. Yes. All right, well, that's going to do it for our review of ambush, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still haven't reached our limit apparently. So Eli, tell us what's on deck?

The adventures of Chris Fable. This is one of our most requested movies, and we're finally getting around to it. Oh, okay. Good. Well, we know when the recommendations start coming in, it's because the movies are very good and enjoyable. So we're then to look forward to we're going to bring episode 242 to immersive close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors and help make the show go up. You'd like to get yourself among their ranks. You can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash god opal and thereby earn early access to an app free version of our episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving a five star

review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this, you'll be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating a deacitation needed the skeptic rad and D and D minus available wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godop will moves to gmail.com legal services for the spot cast provided by the offices of P Andrew Torres Timber opposite takes here on

our social media are themes on who's written and performed by Ryan slot Diggle-Beeble, Travis and Mars. All of the song was written and performed by Ryan Slotting, we will address on Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clarkam was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neil and Bosnick. I'm the Lucius Promise to Work Hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes.

This movie got sued by Jim Henson for pseudo intellectual property rights organization. sued by Jim Henson for pseudo-intellectual property rights organization. All the non-puppet characters went on to die of cholera or dysentery or something. Eli went on to be killed by extremely long puppet legs every night in his dreams for the rest of his life. A preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2020 all rights reserved.