God Awful Movies - 252: Pornography: The Great Lie

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

This week, guest masochist Moishe joins us for an atheist review of Mormon anti-porn propaganda about how looking at naked pictures can steal your soul away and turn you into a criminal. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And it occurred to me like in fairness to this movie, I can see how porn could be destructive if you literally don't know how emotion picture works. It's like, if you do not have the like level of cognitive awareness to like understand that the thing in the box is a deal. Yeah, so that giant penis is about to come on me, yeah. It's just a Mormon watching Oculus Quest porn for the first time batting away. Get out of my house! Not awful. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be socially isolated friend, Heath and right, Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. Just watching some porn in a dark alley. Are we doing that? That is where the porn lives. And of course, sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Not great. I was doing this dance for Heath and this alley. He's completely distracted. I need you to commit to the moment, Eli.

Get out. I'm giving it my all. I'm starting to feel like you were charging the company for a lot of outfits that weren't just for the live shows, Eli. I'm not having this fight on air. The legitimate business expense. No, I thank you. That's true.

That's true. All right. And of course joining us tonight is a Jewish guy who was hiding his real name even before we elected a Nazi as our president. Moishi, welcome back to the show, sir. Been too long. Thank you so good to be here. Great to have you again. All right. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched pornography. You bet your ass. Great. Oh, lie. pornography. You bet your ass. Great. Oh lie. It's a Mormon propaganda movie about the dangers of heroin. And it just got ADR to say

porn instead of heroin. Right. For this version, they changed nothing else at all. It's just a remake of something else they made. Now it's about porn. It's just, yeah, like they do. They had to cut out the scene where the chick jumped out the window, but that's it. Yeah. And Eli how bad was this movie? Well, if you hate pornography, but of course you haven't seen any because of course you haven't seen any. You will love this informational film. I've seen videos on how to fight big foot with more specific informational film. I've seen videos on how to fight big foot with more specific things.

And there's movie. It's pretty good. You got to get inside its guard. It's the same way it's porn too. Just like fair. So okay, I have a theory of how this came to be. So I feel like I think that the producer of this film is the guy whose wife appears in this film talking about her terrible porn addicted husband, you know the one that they like fucking FBI inform and doubt and change her voice and everything. I think that that lady caught her husband watching porn and she was gonna make a big whole thing about it and he was never gonna get laid again and then he like he made this video as a

way to trick her into thinking that he was taking that porn addiction thing super serious and wasn't watching it anymore right? Because this whole fucking movie has this feeling of like, uh, well, you know, porn is really bad because there are hurts. The people with who have the pain. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yes, I would. I'm going to go with best worst pop scare. Oh, yeah. At one point, they're trying to explain how the porn industry, it's giant lumenodic corporation run by Lex Luthore. Yeah. But then they show us this super basic office. It's just like four people modest business attire and they're

looking at spreadsheets in a conference room. And that's the pop scare. I just described it. Like you get the evil photo negative thing for a second, but we're just looking at fucking Steve from accounting wearing pleated dockers. And it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I assume you were talking about that at the beginning when they like the porn is outside lurking around our house and you see the porn walk by very quickly. That was that's what I assumed you meant, but yeah, no, that was also what's the good one?

See, that's not pop scare. That's hitchhiking and drama. Yeah, absolutely. This is movies a lot like a Hitchcock. Yeah, I know a very Hitchcockian. That was the, that was, I really found it in the style of Fellini. Oh, we can debate it. Oh, Hitchcock is actually one of my favorite titles. Anyway, go ahead. I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy Fellini films. Well, yeah, okay. No, that's fair. No, well, honestly, no, because this one was 22 minutes long, but yes, I get what you mean. Yeah. Will Smith is in that movie

hitchcock. I will nominate this for best worst episode of How It's Made. I have never been on a porn set. I have seen a lot of what I have been assured is genuine behind the scenes footage. Yeah. It looks trust me. Anybody who's like done VR porn and looked around a little bit can tell you this is not what the sad looks like. I'm born. They oversell it. Yeah.

Apparently on Patreon, given a lot of money and getting a lot of weird extras on porn sets, but not actually going there. You get footage, I guess. Well, right, no, that's at the $10 level. This, we actually get the level, man. Who is this? S***. Yeah, a s***.

C'mon, man. Sounds like a pervert to me. S***. Eli, oh, it's not a thing. Fucking creep. I'll tell you what, his cell phone number isn't. All right, so I'm going to go with best worst lies, right? Which I mean, if this movie doesn't have the best lies that we've seen and it doesn't

have the worst lies we've seen, but like it's built, it's called, you know, pornography to great lie. And it's built around this whole like, you know, we're going to tell you one of the lies that pornography tells you that we're going to be like debunked that lie or whatever. But they can only come up with two lies, both of which are true. By the way, one is that you can't be addicted to pornography and the other is that watching porn doesn't harm you. But that's all they can come up with.

And they had to keep coming up with different ways of rephrasing those same two things over and over. So it seemed like they had a bunch. I actually wrote down on my notes at one point, I could quit porn anytime I want. And then moments later, that exact phrase popped up on the screen and they seriously were saying that. See, I was going to go with best worst unresolved plot strands. So as Noah mentioned, there are like interviews, interspersed throughout the movie, but they're actors playing interviews.

They're not actual interviews. They're actors playing them. And people in these interviews will casually mention the consequences they endured for looking at porn. And based on those consequences, either someone super overreacted to porn or these dudes were not watching Brazzar. They had to install a thing on their computer to get the porn they were watching. Yeah, right. Right thing I was talking about, like 31 years later, the porn still echoes in my mind. Well, here's the thing, we found one of the guys admits to buying porn, like with his

money. So we already, that's all, he's already taken the first step towards that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Guys getting his arm chopped off with a saw like, we're in for a dream by the end of the thing. It's absurd.

Yeah, the consequences they come up with. It is a small step from like entering your credit card number to just like watching a dog fuck a woman's skull. No, yeah. That's what they say. At least it was for me. That's the old adage. That's why you became a $10 patron. I get it. Yeah, there you go. All right. Well, I'll tell you what I don't know about you guys, but all this talk about a dog fucking a woman skull makes me need a quick break, but we'll be back for the refractory period and pornography.

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subscription, additional restrictions, apply C website for full details and important safety information. Remember that's forehims.com slash gam. All right everyone, welcome to the first writers room meeting of pornography the great lie Praise his name indeed What hi him? Yeah, I don't think there's a believable universe where I'm not Jewish so I decided to just kind of be okay Yeah, that's okay now look this information of film is going to save hundreds if not millions of souls from the Clutches of pornography.

So we've really got to nail this one. Sure. Got a nail. Absolutely. Yeah. But of course, none of us here have ever watched pornography. Question we haven't? No, we haven't. Right. Of course we have. Yes. Yeah. I certainly have not myself. Yeah. Me neither. Exactly.

Well, all right. Exactly. So given all of that, it's going to be extra hard for us to write this thing. Oh, right. Because because we've never watched it. And yeah, right. And we need the people who watched this movie to know we've never watched it. Right, of course, of course.

So what are people who've never watched pornography know about pornography? Which is us, you're talking about us. Absolutely, no, no, no, no. In reality. Oh, oh, well, we know it has lights. And the camera, that's it, the camera. Great. And the women are attractive.

Do we know that? Would we? I don't think we know that. Oh, I was just kind of assuming, okay, the women get paid, right? Sure, sure. I mean, except for the amateurs, I mean, right, yeah, of course. And that's like a ton of porn amateurs.

I heard. I would also have heard that. Yes. Yep, but I feel like it's always weird when there's very obviously just the one person's they're trying to shoot 45 different porn's using the same dildo. Yes, I hate that. You mean you both heard that you don't like that. Yep, we did.

Yep, correct. You said, yep. Right, just we never watched porn. Oh, exactly, exactly. Right, well, lights, camera, people get paid. I think we've got enough. Oh, for sure. Yeah, we make two movies with all that.

Fantastic. All right, we'll shoot movies with all that. Fantastic. All right. We'll shoot the entire thing on Monday. Really? You don't like to sell out a camera stuff, huh? No, no, I do. I do, but just don't do a weird little one act play with your dildo. You know what I'm talking about?

You do that thing. Yeah, that's there. I heard. I, yep. I heard. I think that's fair too. And we're back and we're going to start off with this weird warning about how they employed actors and not real former pornography users.

They didn't soil their hands with those people. These scenes have been recreated to protect confidentiality is what it says. So like, I'm thinking, like as a joke, I'm thinking like, oh, these Mormons watch porn. So they're going to be blurred out like FBI and form and stuff. How silly would that be? They literally are. They literally are. The great irony is that I will bet $1,000 that at least one of these actors has appeared in porn. Oh, sure. Oh, I want to know what it is. No fucking shot. The fucking Sally.

They got off Craigslist hasn't sucked a dick on camera. Yeah, no, and we really need the like the split screen on that. We absolutely need the split screen there. I want to do a deep dive of all their IMDb is torn on IMDb. No, no, I don't think he'd be that up. There's an IP DB, I think. I'm sure there is. I've heard.

All right, so the camera opens up and we're looking at this house and it's in the suburbs or whatever and the family that's just all so in and everything. And there's a, we're getting like creeper camera, right? Serial killer camera perspective. Yeah, here we see pornography stalking another victim. I just wanted to say like if Riley Reed had jumped out of those bushes and stabbed, they got to get this. It's my favorite movie. They look at the window. It's just Michael Myers masturbating in the yard just wearing the

mask and nothing. My note on this intro is this is a weird episode of Buffy. See, I wanted the Michael Myers theme to start playing on sweet sax. So it's just but but on sax. So it's like, boy, I'm on, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, a serial killer thing ran out. I mean, to be fair, there is no better genre for this film, then horror porn. Yeah. I'm just saying it is horror porn. I'm just saying there's no better category at blockbuster for it. That's true. All right. And so the narrator, as we're watching, this is coming in with these ridiculously loaded

questions. It's like, if you thought your family was in danger, would you do something about it, or would you just sit there and watch like a little bitch? Right, like, I mean, you might as well and just been like, what does YES spell? You know, okay? Fuck you. But like, apparently what he's, and then as this is happening,

as you're saying all of this shit, we watch all the kids go to bed, like all of their rooms, apparently apparently everyone in the house goes off to Presumably watch porn Fucking night time night night night by everybody's statter I just want to know what internet provider this family has provider this family has. What the fuck? What are they telling?

Did they're all fucking streaming bang pros at the same time? Hey, hey, everybody go down to 720p. We agree. 720. But genuinely, what do you think the end of dinner was like? Were they all just like, well, time for bed? Yeah. Right?

I too shall go to bed now. All at the same time. Can we be excused? We all said that really loud together. I don't know about you guys, but I'm that kind of antsy when you haven't jerked off all day. So.

Well, and it look if this movie was trying to make the argument that masturbation is a fun family activity. You know what I don't like with this jokes go and never mind. I'm in a back and up. I'm in a back and up. They are Mormons. They are Mormons. I did like they showed it was, well, I didn't like, you know what? Good point. I might abandon this too. No, I'm going to explain what I was just thinking. The brother and sister are shown back to back, not physically back to

back. But like back to back. You're really fucked out pastry here. Yeah. I feel like my words keep getting twisted. No, they show in separate shots, but right next to each other, the brother going to his room and sister going to her room. And I wanted them to just like walk back out of their room slowly, be like, hey, so were step siblings, right? I was watching.

I was watching. It's crazy. the word step siblings, right? I was watching. I was watching the dude. It was crazy. It's weird how they surprised you with that relationship like a third of the way through the movie, right? It is weird that they constantly. I'd love if they did that up front. Okay.

So here's a weird one for the narrator the whole time. He's still going like, you know, if someone was about to saw your children's ears off with an ax, you know, whatever. And he comes across one that I've found actually found kind of interesting. He says, if someone was going to steal your soul, would you stand by and let them take it? And to me, that is a fascinating moral dilemma. Right. Like if somebody attempts to steal my Vortals sword, have they committed a crime?

That's, you should get Andrew on for that one. I also really appreciated just the like, someone's gonna steal your soul, take this serious, we're adults, Stone. Well, yeah, the thing, this film teeter's dangerously close to making salient points like, that's the re times, I think so. I think it caught me like, there was like one moment where it was like watching too much porn can give you unrealistic expectations of sex. I was like, oh, yeah, no, I buy that and it'll make your soul devil food. And I was like, yeah, I'll tell you what one

that really cracked me up. And I should explain to the listeners that were recording this right in the middle of the beginning a couple of weeks of this coronavirus lockdown is where the narrator says, if all the people you hold dear are in danger, would you sit by and do nothing? And I'm like, no, no, they'd go to the goddamn bar and shit. I'm here with your people. And George. Yeah. But they're saying horn will steal your soul. That's their first message in this movie. Yep. And I just want to see like Satan slide in a hustler across the table to somebody like, all right, one soul. This is right back off the table in one minute. This is my offer. And then okay. So then he starts talking about how like back in the day

you used to have to like really go looking for porn. You had to get it back in in his words in dark alleyways and hidden places. No, you did not. They sold it at the pigly wiggly. Yeah. Okay. We, I think we can all agree. This narrator was doing some absurd things in his life before

he made this movie, including apparently finding porn in dark alleys. Before the internet, the only way you could get porn was putting the man he had in the urinal. Okay, nice. He's trying to buy porn news in the drug handshake. Hello, sir. Today, stop it. Stop doing it. The whole magazine. It's a very like you can't palm this. This is dumb. Stop going under the leg. Stop going under the leg.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, show him to you and you'd be like, hey, you're trying to molest me

and you'd be like, what? It's crazy. I was just doing that. You're trying to molest me. All of a sudden, the lights go on in the alley, catch a predator guy walks up. Oh, get out of here. He said, he said, this is a dark alleyway. Damn you.

He goes the guy, the narrator says, but today there's no way to escape. But I'm like, let me hear Lucinda coming upstairs. Find out how quickly I can fucking escape it. All right. You she's light on her feet. Well, because he's like the porn can come to your home. The porn can come to your office. And I was like, okay, so far this is just a great ad for porn. You're not selling me away from it. All I will say though, because they put down this list of like, you know and I was like, okay, so far this is just a great ad for porn. You're not selling me away from it.

All of a sudden, I will say though, because they put down this list of like, you know, they're like, oh, back in the day, you had to go somewhere to like actually to some like CD shop and buy the porn, but now you can get it. And he goes up on this list and I was impressed because it's an honest list.

I'm like, well, that's, that's a lot of fun. We do have a lot of porn. There are so many options. It's a good deal. I do have a lot of porn. There are so many options. It's a good deal. I wanted him to get, I wanted him to get weirdly specific. You can get in it. Jerry's Bo Dagon 47th and 6th Avenue. Sometimes if you buy a Lucy cigarette, he'll let you go into the booth for free.

He also says that porn is a phone call away. Yeah, what? Is there an order porn by phone service? That's a 900 number, is he, right? Oh, right, but that's not right. That's porn, that's phone sex. That's totally different. That's porn to Mormons, my friends.

That's like walking into a strip club and being like, this, look at all this porn. It's porn. We're just making our podcast here at this strip club. It's all audio. It's fine. Yeah. Okay, a question about this movie's knowledge.

They keep using the phrasing. It can come where you work. Oh, yes. Yes. I don't think the movie knows that come means come. I don't think they know about that. No, they do not. No, they do not.

No relationship. Or they're pretending not to. All right, there is one moment in this movie that makes me think that maybe they do, maybe this was all a set up by some of the most brilliant comic minds of all time. Oh, it's a beautiful clothes on that. So, but yeah, now we get the title screen. And underneath it, we hear a little snippets of former porn users lamenting the day that porn stole their souls and whatnot. One guy says that porn made him angry. And I'm

like, Hey, buddy, you're doing porn you? I only know one person who porn could make angry, but that's because everything can make him angry. That's weird. All right. No, I just want to watch that guy masturbate and then fly into a murderous rage. Very obvious who her daddy is. And I mean Noah.

There are so many moments in this where it's just clear they're doing porn wrong. And it's just like, you just showed them like three little tricks for your porn time. They'd be having a way better time. And this is where we get a heath spes worse right because the narrator says pornography is big business and we see what appear to be like the fucking anchors for the evening porn walk in through an office. Oh, God, I love porn office and I want I wrote and deleted so many sitcoms about porn office It's so it's so good. There's a table. Oh That was what that was my fate fate. They decided they were like,

we need to characterize evil porn conglomerate. Yes. And they put a pool table in the office like, right straight out of the music man, like with a capital T, that rhymes with P, that stands for porn pool. Both. Porn is pooled.

It looks like a great work environment. It's weird. It does. It does. It environment. It's weird. It does. It does. Yeah. The industry somehow look better. Like the weird hormones behind this literally couldn't picture, Ron Jeremy if they tried to. Right.

It's like, I don't know the guys in the bank. Yeah, right, right. No, they had though they had all the little the clear the glass walls to build trust amongst the team and everything. They actually made all it like you could watch this and just go like, I'd walls to build trust amongst the team and everything. They actually made all of it. You could watch this and just go like, I'd like to go into porn. That looks like a very nice one. I could be in porn doing yoga together just in lunchtime.

It's in a class that they have. It looks like a bank ran out of ideas for like Q3 and just started filming Asian spit roasts on the side. Yep. Sure. I mean, we've all been there. We have all been there. I loved the thinking that went into making

this porn office multicultural, right? Because it's by far the most diverse group of people we see in the movie, which means at some point they were getting in there and we're like, all right, so we need to cast the porn office. Can't all be white people, right? We should get like a Latino and a, well, an African American person.

We get a Lamanite representative. It was weird that the Mormons were like, we need to make sure there's representation in our porn. Well, I mean, I think you're just going the wrong direction. I think that they like big casted originally and they're like, guys, they can't be all black people in Latina. It's got, we got to throw a whitey in there somewhere. And then we watched them sorting through binders full of women, which was, yes, yes, yes. I'm really kind of right on the nose.

Now we know where you got them. Bunch of headshots. And I feel like that would mean something else in the porn business, the headshots thing, but they're looking at literal headshots. I don't know. Is that what you would send? Does anybody know? Do you send just a normal head shot?

And they're being so respectful. They're just like, oh, he had, I think he would be good in seeing like, oh, you know, this one is her eyes doing something. Right. Right. Doing just like the most casual evaluation of these things. This guy who did several summers at Tanglewood did some things. And the fucking area of the,

the narrator goes millions of dollars. You're spent to find ways to better entice people into porn. I'm like, dude, no one is spending millions of dollars on the porn that I'm watching. Okay. Yeah, to be fair, we got pictures and videos of people fucking in here has worked forever and will work it forever. Medium independent.

When they can download knowledge straight into your brain, the third thing it will be is porn. And also the first two. Yeah, this is my, okay, as he said, this is maybe my favorite bit of phrasing in the whole fucking movie is where they say that the porn industry is trying to trick you into quote a World filled with self gratification that will fill their pockets Need that visual come on guys. I want to know what number you got a call for that know what number you're going to call for that. All right. So then we get the first in our series of porn lies, right? That this movie is ostensibly going to be built around.

So the first lie is one look won't hurt. And this is where we see, we see like one little boy walking down the street into two other boys are peer-pressuring him into looking at boobies. Yeah. Or whatever. I mean, we're watching a literal at boobies. Yeah. Or whatever. I mean, we're watching a literal clip from my childhood. I'm quite certain. Yes, we're on.

Like you find some, some kid, you know, will in my experience had one porn and we all gathered in the woods and looked at it for a second and then ran away laughing and pushing each other into the bushes. That was, that was how you did porn in the 90s. All I'm saying is that any kids standing that close together, there's a cookie in the middle of them. That's all, that's all I'm going to say about that. Yeah, let's make sure that camera doesn't swing around to the left. Yeah. I mean, we had a cookie, but I was just, I was just eating the cookie. It wasn't a common thing. You were just waiting. You were just waiting to be done. You guys gonna finish that?

I mean, I'm not, yeah, I'm not gonna jerk off, but I'll eat the cookie. It was that, yeah. It was that weird thing though. You had to, because you're 11 or whatever, and you had to prove constantly, because it was the 90s and everybody's a fucking bigot. You had to prove that you weren't gay and it was that weird thing where like, all right, we're looking at ladies and porn. Are we supposed to get erections? Is it gay if we don't have erections right now? We didn't know Sheddy.

Sheddy. Sheddy's erections to be safe. To see what you wanted to tell us might be gay. It was a lot of pressure. I didn't know whether I was supposed to have one or not. I'm trying to like tell myself in my head, go away, ere, go away, wreck. It didn't. It's not comfortable. Yeah. I mean, look, far beyond from us to join the anti PC crew, but I'll say it right now, something that we've lost in this whole PC culture is watching porn with your buddies and realizing that you're having a terrible time and you don't know what to do or say. Yes. Okay.

I didn't lose that in this decade. We can do that right now, Eli, if you want. I always found it was best to talk. Sounds good. Let's get on a Zoom call. Best of most, you should have too. All right, so then the narrator is like, sure, you think you can stop jerking off whatever you want, but if we, you know, the narrator is like, you know, sure, you think you can

stop jerking off whatever you want, but if you don't finish, it'll mess up your ability to pee comfortably for a little while. And this is when we meet the former porn user that tells us about the porn that he saw once when he was a kid and 31 years later is still haunted by. This was very upsetting. This is, I think the narrator again, talking about his absurd dark alley experiences. years later is still haunted by. This was very upsetting. This is, I think the narrator again, talking about his absurd dark alley experiences. And this time he's like 11 and he's like, yeah, it was the walking down the sidewalk.

I saw a heavily used porn magazine off to the side of the sidewalk and I picked it up and I didn't go well. Didn't go well. He's doing. But yeah, 31 years later, I want to watch that porn, right? Tell us what you saw, man. I get bored halfway through a clip. This dude's got 31 years worth of memory

from a magazine page. I just want to know what crying he committed. I want them to be like, so what got you in here? And he's just like, oh, insider trading. I mean, the porn was definitely a gateway. Yeah, no, we'll get to that. But yeah, this guy went to be at a conflict eventually. I'm pretty sure I still have an old penthouse magazine

from like 1991 somewhere. I think I still own it. On times. Interesting that you would decide to share that with us. The eighth. It was from France. Somebody wanted to France, so that for me. That's not porn my friend, that's culture.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was hot. Thank you. I do have a lot of questions about who you were as a person that someone went to France and they were like, I got to get a gift for you. Yeah, bring. Yeah, well, that's accurate. That's what happened. One of my best friends.

All right. So then the narrator cuts into tell us the awful truth, the stuff that you see in those porn videos, that ain't real at all, y'all. It's not even how sex works. Let's be and stomp jam there, but China's against each other. And they can't decide whether or not this is a porn shoot or a commercial, because they're like, porn is just like this commercial shoot. And so then the girl's like, we have my money for doing porn because like, they forgot to communicate because the narrator was like, I'm not going to describe my cousin's sister as doing porn. This is a commercial shoot, but they in the actual shoot pretended that it was a porn. So, right, the just the perspectives are wonky. Yeah, I don't, I don't think the people involved in that part of the documentary knew what they

were being filmed for. At all. No, I don't think the people who made the documentary were aware, like I hate to break it to you guys. That commercial for fucking and Taylor loft that you had going here, that was not a porn shoot. And they get so fucking my dude on the details. They're just like makeup can be

used to alter one's appearance. And it occurred to me like in fairness to this movie, I can see how porn could be destructive if you literally don't know how emotion picture works. It goes like, if you do not have the level of cognitive awareness to understand that the thing in the box isn't real. Yeah, that giant penis is about to come on me, yeah.

It's just a Mormon watching Oculus Quest porn for the first time batting away. Get out of my house. It's fucking wild. They're talking about how like makeup works. They're explaining how like you can't see everything outside of the frame of the camera. They are moments away from being like, this is a lamp without it. You would even be able to seat this, or a sun.

But the sun. Well, the guys actual words are pornography is founded on the delusion that what is portrayed is real. And I'm like, dude, before I watch this, I watched porn where a woman grew to the size of a building and shoved a man in her vagina. Okay. Oh, giant. Yeah.

Come on, give me a fucking break. I have questions. You like jerks off the nine dick demons fucking naughty Japanese cat elves. That's not being portrayed Did you know porn isn't like that in real life? Those are actors. Yeah, I knew that This movie could be about pro wrestling without changing anything It could be heroin pro wrestling you could just words. This movie could be about steamboat Willie. Like it's literally, it is literally just about the difference between reality and race and a lot of things. Yes.

And I love that they thought they were like, someone kid is gonna be watching this, and he's gonna be like, well, fuck, now that I know that he was lighting it, make up, I'll never watch porn again. All right, the narrator goes, great effort is taken to make the pornography attractive, and I'm like, okay, well now I'm gonna close fucking wide open hairy buttholes.com because it feels like you're judging me.

Are those union fucking carpenters? You need really? Honestly, if this is what porn does to them, Avatar's gonna blow their fucking dick so. Right. Right. Okay, I have one other question about this scene. There's a waterfall that they make.

There it is. They don't use what? They do not. I need to know how they use that waterfall. How do, like, so this is supposed to be a porn shoot and there's this very small waterfall, but were they gonna like do like camera angle stuff to make it a full-size waterfall? Or something?

There was also white panels because as we suggested in the sketch that we opened this episode with no one who made this movie could admit that they'd seen porn and that porn consists of people putting their bits together. So they were like, Oh, my wife's here. What is porn? I assume it's a series of white panels and waterfalls. And probably this is not from a last of the Mohicans porn that I've seen that is not. It is not from Put Your Balls on my chin, Gatch, that is different. It's a, it's that and it's a lady in a somewhat modest sundress looking into the camera, right? Huh? I don't know.

I love you. Yeah, and we should, we should explain the story of this poor model, right? Because very clearly, like this model came in because they were, they needed like something that was going to look like a porn set. So they're like, well, you know, we'll hire a model and bring her in. And then like somewhere along the line when somebody picked her up from the fucking airport or whatever, they were like, now this is for a Mormon thing and you're Mormon. So you're going to do it for half price, right? Or something like that because over and over again, they show shots of this woman turning directly to camera and saying, Hey, there's a problem with my rate.

Can we, can we settle this real quick before I do any modeling for you people? And they kept all of that in the movie. Well, it's either that or they were like, all right, what's really going to turn people against porn? I know. What if they find out the women are only in it for the money. Hahaha. Hahaha. Have some love for the game. God damn it.

Yeah, they were literally like, what's the worst thing about porn? The paperwork. Hahaha. How paid everyone is. Yeah, bureaucracy, am I right? Hahaha. It's the lack of passion in the workforce. I'll tell you.

Where's porn's Meryl Streep, right? Where's their Danny Trejo doing some student film in the middle of nowhere because he likes the script? I'll tell you, he doesn't exist because porn's a great fucking lie. Put it in the movie. It's socialist, that's what it is. The best fucking part is like at the very end, where the narrator tries to like wrap it all up into one salient point.

And he's like, what you see isn't always the reality. And they show the before and after. And it's just her and then her wearing makeup. That is really fucking cute. Like, okay, yes. All of this movie is that once you contour your cheeks, your soul is saved and fucked up. Just like the horror of Babylon. Well, I'll tell you what, I think we can all agree that we're incapable of escaping the need to watch porn

right now. So, you know, what, with all of our addictions and whatnot. That's so bad. You know, we'll take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll dive into even more pornography, the greatest lie. Hey folks, just dropping in to tell you about a new podcast that sponsored us this week, Truth vs Hollywood. It's a new show from audio boom that looks at movies based on true stories and examines just how true they are. Truth vs Hollywood is hosted by podcast veteran David Shen and Joanna Robinson who go into

these movies in-depth. Not in the, you know, we read the IMDB trivia page for it way that you're used to us doing on this show. Not only do they do their research, but they also include excerpts from interviews with writers, journalists, historians, and people who are really there. Their first episode just debuted and they're opening up on one of the greatest gangster movies ever made, and thus one of the greatest movies ever made. Goodfellas. The first episode doesn't even get you through the first act But I learned a ton and of course I had to go back and watch good fellas again to get ready for the next episode

Anyway, it's a show I'd recommend trying out if you're a fan of movies or of history and maybe some of the great movies That they're talking about over there can help balance out some of the awful ones that we make you learn about here Anyway, look for truth versus Hollywood wherever you get podcasts, or check the link in the show notes. And now, back to the show. Pfft. Alright, Jens, the folks can't get enough of this pornography we're slaying here at pornography age, but we need ideas.

We're all ideas. What do you got, fellas? Give it to me. Uh-oh, okay. Uh-oh, what if it's, uh, like, uh, taxi, and then they fuck. I love it! Make it its own website. Okay, I got one.

What if the porn stars pretend to be newscasters and people, I don't know, they jerk off on them like while they read the news. Weirdly specific, but okay, make it happen. Um, okay, you guys know the show, Pond Stars? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so it's Pawn stars, but then they fuck. Yeah, damn it. That's a fucking great idea. Right? Pawn stars. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. That's the one. That's the ticket. Everything we just said is a real porn. Yep. the ticket. Everything we just said is a real porn. Yep. This kid could have been so goddamn long. And we're back in the

opening third of the movie, we discussed the first lie, the one where it said, you know, one look won't hurt you. And that's demonstrably true. But now it's time for line number two, which appears to be two looks won't hurt you. Like, wow, are we just going to keep going up from there? And yes, hurt you. Like, wow, are we just gonna keep going up from there? And yes, we are. Yeah, this is where people start listing the side effects of porn.

He's like, I started to hate myself. I had thoughts of suicide. And I'm like, oh, pretty sure that doesn't have anything to do with the porn guy. Okay, I mean, that tracks with Eli, but that's just anecdotal. Like, what porn is this guy watching? It's causing suicide, I mean that tracks with Eli, but that's just anecdotal. Like, what porn is this guy watching? It's close to his suicidal thoughts.

Well, but it's not, look, it's the fucking religion, right? That's the problem. He's like, I hated myself for being hypocritical. And I'm like, well, yeah, so you could either give up porn or give up being a hypocrite. Yeah, you don't have to like watch porn in public to stop being a hypocrite. You can just admit that you watch porn in private.

Yeah, you know how everyone takes aspirin and everyone's head, it goes away, but you watch porn and you want to kill yourself. You get what I'm saying. It's not a universal thing. Jesus. And then I guess we've done with that like because we move quickly to our next lie, which is it's not a big deal. Right?

And this is where we hear from a woman who ruined and otherwise seemingly functional relationship because she found out that he'd watched porn. Yeah, it wasn't until I threatened to divorce him that he agreed to make a change. Yeah. He's just like, oh, you know what I just realized now that you get half my shit and take my children away from me, I have an illness. Don't Google it. You can't Google it.

It's real. It's very real. The best part is that like they shoot it with just him and his family like playing on a swing set. And then like when he loses his family, they disappear and he's just on the swing. Like he's just the weird porn watching ghost of the playground forever now. Hey, Dave, I heard your wife kick Jada the house. Yeah, but you know, I live on this swing.

Three country can't stop me from coming to this playground. Is this where he shows back up at his house and he's got his golf bag? Yeah, the wife is like, I know you weren't fucking golfing. You're watching porn at the country club and like throws it in his face. Like she, like she unzips the golf bag and me a caliph of pops out. She just grabs me a caliph and throws her at his face. Yeah. I don't know what they're going for here. Yeah. They have this fucking big porn fight reenactment. And they also they sneak in another of the lies at this point that it comes up on screen and says, lie, I can stop any time. And

again, yeah, you want to go all the way through it. Just don't just stop in the middle. That's uncomfortable. This is where they say that pornography is just as bad as drugs. So I wrote in my notes question, if you suck a dick for porn, do you still need it? The dick or the porn? Um, all right. So here, okay. And then we get the moment that convinces me that just maybe, maybe this is the product of the greatest comic genius that has ever and will ever live, right? Oh, yeah.

Because this is the part where the narrator goes like, you know, they have to put warnings on cigarettes and, you know, bleach and shit. What warning would they put on porn? And as he say in that, we're panning over like, we got an extreme close up on some warning, right, on some chemical or something like that. But the little snippets we see could not have been more brilliantly chosen for their comic of fact. Here's what we get. I shit you not blindness if swallowed, right? Contains petroleum disillusionment. Yep. I saw that one. What are we talking about motor oil? I don't know.

Well, maybe because also we had if skin irritation develops in case of eye contact, continue rinsing eyes for dot, dot, dot. And finally, the fucking David Caradine special, if ventilation is inadequate dot, dot, dot. Oh man, it seems like they answered their own questions. Yeah, right exactly. That is some next level accidental. You were right. Was that Agent Orange? I can't.

I'm trying to figure out what they're describing there. I mean, to be fair, you shouldn't rub porn in your eyes. No, you shouldn't. No. He's just going through everything in his home right now. Just like, what the fuck is the truth? What would that be? All right. And then the movie lays down a few more of those consequences of porn watching. We've hear from a guy, again, not a problem with porn here. We hear from a guy who is ex-communicated

from his church. And in his words words almost lost his marriage because of the porn. He wasn't allowed in the church where his daughter is wedding. Yes, yes, I just got to say that. That was an awkward wedding. Steve Wallacher, thank you so much for coming. Are you kidding me? Me and the family wouldn't miss Denise's special day.

Well, it means the world to us that you came. Oh, well, yeah, absolutely. All right, well, we'll see you in there. Well, sorry, what? Well, what? You won't, you won't actually see me in there. I'm not, not going to be in the wedding. But you're, but you're right here. What, what here what you're not gonna be in your daughter's wedding

Yeah, free not what why not Well porn I'm sorry. I'm sorry porn pornography. Yeah, my wife caught me watching some pornography. And so now I just got a, get away outside, but take lots of pictures though, because I can't wait to see my little girl get married on the pictures and videos. Okay, wow, I'm, I'm super sorry to hear that. Yep. Yeah, me too. Me, me too. What kind

of porn was it? I said Asian lady newscaster porn. Asian lady newscaster porn. Sure. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll see you at the reception. Yeah. You'll see you there. I mean, I think that would have had to happen, right? Is what they're trying to sell us? Yes. That's when you drop in through the ceiling like mission impossible. What had to happen, right? Is what they're trying to sell us, yes. That's when you drop in through the ceiling, like mission impossible. And yeah,

fuck you, mission impossible. All right. And then we hear from several youngsters who got roped in by the poems. You know, we hear a bunch of little like one sentence snippets from kids saying stuff. Like I sure wish my parents had invaded my privacy more, you know, it's it's so bad. I stopped praying and going to church, you know, all of that shit. I want to talk about my favorite one here, which is the kid who was like, I was checking on my email and I saw a username. I didn't recognize and I just wanted to pick, I wanted to flash cut to this kid's room where he was like, I don't know anyone named, come on my face 69.

But I guess I'll open it up and see. My favorite was the Cartman looking kid who was just like, there was, because all the other kids were apologetic and then this one fucking kid just looks straight into the camera and was like, yeah, I watched it. Fuck you want. Yes.

Yes. You remember this kid? I'm not misremembering this. Yeah, I grabed. Fuck you want. Yes. Yes. You remember this kid? I'm not even misremembering this. Yeah, I grabed my feet into a fucking couch. Yeah. I think his exact line was more just like, all the kids were watching it. What's the big deal? But he said it with this tone.

This kid's going places. Probably therapy and eventually suicide. But honestly, that is the best outcome any of those kids are getting. Also, Noah, you mentioned this briefly, but the porn made one kid not want to go to church. What weird, new atheist porn have I been missing out on? And if I haven't been missing out on it, Ken, we start making it right. Yeah, exactly. That's the right question. Yeah, I also want to see Richard Dawkins and porn., right, right, right. Exactly. That's the right question. Yeah. I also want to see Richard Dawkins and porn. I agree with you. You've never seen all those videos of Sam Harris sucking his own dick. That's very sad. They're all I can find on YouTube.

I was I'm just saying Anthony Magnabasco is already cameraed up for a porn all I have to do is catch him in an agreeable mood and we can make this shot wrap and ski to epistemology. Well, though, fantastic. All right. And so then we, oh, so we cut back to that guy who's still haunted by the 1985 40 saw as again and do a spread. There was a lot of bush back then. It was pretty scary and he

tells the his porn anecdote you know this is the one where he's talking about like you know I was going to get the porn in my five year old asked me where I was going and I couldn't just get say you know I'm going to get porn's I'd lie to him right that's that's the terrible consequence of porn okay actually I don't think he lies to him. He just drives away. He's like, I couldn't tell him the truth, but he's not like, dad, he's going to the supermarket, go back inside.

He just like, stairs the kid down and floors it. Yeah. He just leaves the fucking kid in the driveway. That's what they show us. but I'm quite certain this guy literally got caught masturbating in his car by his five year old son. You're right. Yeah. I think it was like, can you come to my T-ball game and he's like, it's buffering.

Go away. It's a fucking room with you. Or if not, and he did just drive away during hard eye contact, you know that five year old, like watched him pull out of the drive and was like, he's getting to porn. I'm going to look at pieces of paper when I say I didn't for a living. You watch. He says he didn't care who he hurt with his porn anymore. He was willing to run errands, will he nearly despite his son's curiosity and then he says and I quote it wasn't until I was incarcerated that I realized how bad my porn addiction had gotten feel like we skipped over a whole goddamn fucking seven episode tiger king arc there didn't we

I'm watching porn and my driveway next Next thing you know, I'm sucking Dix in a dark alley to watch movies of people sucking Dix. Wait, so is the inference here that the porn he was addicted to was child porn? Because that's the porn you go to jail for. And if so, don't lump that into your anti-porn document. Right. I imagine Utah you could go to jail for just anything. Or just anything. Yeah. Oh, are you fucking kidding? There's absolutely no way they would have leaned into that. This movie had to kill in the lives in compounds demographic. They were never going that might be the one point they allowed.

This is he were never going to step on that. And again, like he fucking he went to jail for failure to pay child support or some shit probably. They don't imply or you know, they never say or even imply that he went to jail for porn. Only that like, I guess while he went to jail for porn only that like I guess while he was in jail He didn't and couldn't get any porn that he realized how bad it was or something, right? Yeah, this was very clearly a guy who went to jail for something like got a range got brought to court and

The judge was like how do you plead and he was just like porn The porn Is that a thing? The porn did it your honor. Do you remember when we let a guy kill Harvey Milk and then he said, I junk food yesterday and we let him go. I want that defense with porn. I want that but with the touch myself.

I was eating salty stuff instead. Yeah. And people were like keystering porn to get porn into this jail for the touch myself. I was eating salty stuff instead, yeah. And people were like keystering porn to get porn into this jail for the black market to sell that they couldn't, couldn't get otherwise. What's great is he clearly got convicted, but now he has to maintain that defense for appeal anyway. So every day he's just like, yeah, that, that porn.

And that's the everything I had. All right. So now the narrator is going to explain the long twisted road that leads to porn hub premium. Sure. You think you're in control, but pretty soon you lose hold of the handle and then you're at the emergency room having a parent chattering teeth surgically removed from your back. If it happens to all of us, we think it's going to be a simple, fun time with our friends. If you VPN through Italy, you get free porn on premium right now just for the record.

Oh, fuck yeah. Hey, sure. Everyone starts out just watching one porn at dinner or you only watch porn at parties with friends wrong. Pornography is like spoiled milk because your brain can't vomit. Oh my god. I have, dad, I have, my only note on that was literally like I took out a little note, like I don't even know where I got it. I took out a little note pet from my pocket and I was just like, brain can't vomit. I was like, he goes to good. That's good stuff. That's good. He goes pornography is worse than filthy

Ballooned food and I'm like dude don't have a fucking swallowing analogy What the fuck are you doing? Where the fuck is he going with this my brain was paralyzed for a second But like he was paralyzed and that way we're almost made sense out of it I was like you're scum it. Can puke food? You're brain can't buy you fucking Mormons. No, uh, dick vomit.

It's dick vomit. It got me again. And then the fucking the guy, the addict, right? The incarcerated 30 year porn addict or whatever. He comes up to explain that he started using cocaine and alcohol to enhance the pornography. He did cocaine to enhance the point. That is not how, let me tell you some, I don't know a lot about a lot, but I know a lot about you.

Dick not working on coke. Let me tell you. You don't enjoy a nice, uh, software. You guys have never had like a quiet night at home done a lot of coke than settled You don't enjoy a nice uh, softer You guys have never had like a quiet night at home done a lot of coke then settled in for a cozy night of ripping your fucking dick off Oh, man, I have a hot tape that might be controversial if you're using cocaine and alcohol to enhance your porn You're doing literally all three of those things. I'm sorry, I like a little bit of a challenge in my masturbation. I like the thing of it is watching porn on hard mode.

Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna try and solve this Rubik's Cube with the same color stickers on all. Ooh Eli, that does not work to put it on hard mode Now I'm in the mood for cocaine and porn that fucks everything up So we're gonna pause for a quick break while I sort this shit out for first. Let me give actory to hard sell Who is her daddy? Does she in fact like that? How am I gonna pay for all this pizza?

In fact, like that, how am I going to pay for all this pizza? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the money shot of pornography. The Great Lie. Excuse me, ma'am. Did you happen to order a large sausage pizza? I did, but I don't have any money to pay. Oh, well, let me ask you this. Have you ever considered the problem of evil?

The what? Oh, it's the concept that the idea of a benevolent God can't easily be reconciled with stuff like, you know, baby cancer and tornadoes. Oh, well, um, like, you know, baby cancer and tornadoes. Oh, well, um, like free will and stuff. Right, right. I mean, free will is philosophically problematic as a concept, but it's not like free will accounts for baby cancer, right?

Yeah, I mean, I guess not. So. Yeah, anyway, this sausage, I have here. Oh, good. It's a king. It is my penis. Yes. And we're back for more of this show when we last left off our hero was tempting Christians away from the righteous path, one of the jackalation at a time. And we're going to rejoin the narrator, begging us to, you know, just say no.

And by the way, we, we, at this point, we see a kid playing Xbox. Is there porn on that? Yes. There is. Yeah, man. This kid so addicted to porn, he's playing it again just for the achievements. I'm at 99%. I don't understand how to get the, the last porn point. What? It also says pornography destroys your ability to see beauty. And I'd like to argue for the opposite being true. I have very often finished jerking off to porn and then been like, all right, I'm going

to go to an online museum site or something just so that this wasn't my day. Here we go. Look, hey, you know, googhanheim.com. See, I was looking at the fucking flower. Still your day. Yeah. I genuinely had that moment literally two nights ago. I was watching porn and I finished and I was just like, I should repotry.

Yeah, thank you. I looked at the key to not. I looked at fucking cheats. I would need, all right, cheats is the answer for the second part of my question. What porn? Were you watching before Keith? Oh, that's not fun. Yeah, what porn porn pairs well with Keats. Oh, you know everybody wants to know what porn we watch. I would rather not get into that conversation. I'll be three. I would like to talk about this. Yeah, that's behind the panel. I know you would. I know you would. So there's this guy with a taxi, but there's a twist.

Interesting. So all right, he also did. Derroiter also says that at a certain point numbness sets in. I'm like, well, I have not jerked up enough yet. Then well, you're not doing enough cocaine with it. Yeah. You get a tolerance. You got to start injecting the porn at a certain point. I was going to say, rub, rub enough coke on your dick man. And this is where we get the wife's doing the overview. And she says that him watching porn, quote, broke down every hope I ever had. I wrote in my notes, damn,

all of your hopes were him not drinking up the porn. This is a destroyed every dream I had for my family. I'm like, wow, those are some bizarrely contingent dreams. Lady. Did they also say that there are long term effects of like porn use. Like it's a drug like Harry Palms and shit apparently like dick, COPD. You'll be like,

glasses. They repeat the brain shrinking lie here, which is very popular. Oh, I missed that. Yeah. Is that during, is that during the chick who looks like the hot dose of Emily Dickinson? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. The one who plays this is just rocking and her fucking rocking chair.

Yeah. And she almost squishes her cat's foot with the rocking chair. And it came so close and the cat runs away and probably attacked her a moment later. Yeah, that cat didn't sign up for any of this. There's also an amazing quote where they go, as one expert says, not which expert, they're not even bothering to name their fake

experts. They're just philosophers. porn is bad. I love to just weird moment where the narrators telling us about our sexual urges and as he's saying that we're watching this very fit young black man brushes teeth. And I'm like, boy, did this movie nail he can't get like that. Okay.

So it nail in that so close. Okay. First of all, yes. But that's not the point. I was very confused by this for a second. Not sexually just confused as a movie watcher. He he starts brushing his teeth. and then he sees himself in the mirror and he's like, hold on a second. Like what was he about to use toothpaste as lube or like what? So I think what we're supposed to be watching. It doesn't recognize himself anymore. He's like, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn. The narrator says, porn will tell you it heightens a rousal and improves relationships. And I'm like, you know what, I've never read the brochure. So I don't know if that's true or not. Like why is porn selling itself?

It's already porn. We got naked ladies in here. Also, it improves the rouse. Oh, all right. Now I'm listening. But tell me this, Mr. porn, Esquire, how will it affect my relationships? Oh, well, you say lead the way, sir. Yeah. No, but by according to the narrator here, it deadens the relationship with real women and he somehow manages to refrain from adding heath. What I love about this, right, is that this, this is again, is a very popular anti-Porn myth based entirely on the idea of it like I'm telling you, once you see Asakira getting

back to the fucking horse farm that is your wife, you just can't do it. You'd rather put a bullet in your fucking eye. I'll tell you right now. You're going to want to watch Asakira horse farm instead. Exactly. Change a rule. Well, but so, but he says the guys is like, porn made my wife boring to me sexually, right? horse farm instead. Exactly. It came true. But so when he says the guys is like porn made my wife boring to me sexually, right?

Which, like, I mean, yeah, sure, maybe that, but like it's, it's given me and my wife some crazy fucking ideas we never want to come up with on our own. So again, the problem here is your attitude vis-a-vis porn, not the porn. Yeah, I feel like the first take of that guy was just him being like, honestly, if my wife had just stuck a finger in my ass more than once per year, I never would have gotten carcoring. I almost certainly would not have strangled that hooker. Just saying, outfit stuff doesn't even feel different.

Yeah, right, but open up again when they actually do identify a real problem Invariably it is a problem with religions attitude towards pornography Right like look if you wanted to do a legitimate problems with pornography documentary you could they didn't want to do that So they didn't want to do that so they didn't. Mm-hmm. Now that would mean talking to women, which obviously no one involved with this movie ever did. And then we learn the most important truth about porn, right? Because like up until now, the movie keeps coming up and saying, lie, you know, whatever, you know, lie, you can stop whatever you want, whatever. Now it's going to start coming up and saying lie, you know, whatever, you know, lie, you can stop whatever you want, whatever. Now it's going to start coming up and saying truth, whatever. And the most important truth is that porn will make you reject God. And to demonstrate this by

the way, we see a teenage boy refusing to take communion because he's like, I can't put my jerk off hand on Jesus's flesh. It would just feel weird. Yeah, yeah. Horns a gateway drug to science. Wait a second. If she evolved to be more attract, oh, you know what? I don't believe we got anymore. Why is there still come? I just told God made the body made the human body absolutely perfect, but that

asshole looks way too wide. Yeah, this is also where they tell you that if you get caught up in pornography, talk to your parents. And man, do I have so much pity for the normal U-tons whose kid listened to this movie and came home and was like, mom, dad, I've got something to tell you about. Big booty bitches and they had to be like, oh, okay, no, I know we got to fix this, but man, this is bad. Six or seven. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

Same problem. Yeah, that's just like, that's one of its truths. It's like, talk to someone. It'll help. And I'm like, yeah, maybe they'll want to like just jerk off back to back with you or fuck you even. They fuck you. You solved all your problems. But as soon as they said that, they're like, perhaps you could talk to your parents.

I'm like, Oh, I hope that happens to Eli. I really hope that happens to Eli. Oh, no. And then it comes up and says like, truth, you can flee from pornography. And I was really expecting like a fucking porn chase scene at this point because we saw porn stalking the little family outside earlier But now oh man. I wanted there to be like an old kung fu master who is just like sure you can free from pornography But if you do you'll be running the rest of your life

Cut the Kurt Cameron with his baseball bat. Exactly. Exactly what I was thinking. Snatch this come from my hand. Yeah, it's it's about having to go back to face scar. But we hear this letter that some Mormon kid wrote before he went on his mission about how he was so into the porn that for a while, he thought that he wasn't going to be able to serve God by going out and advertising Mormonism forum for free for several years. But luckily, he told his parents and his parents told an unqualified stranger. Oh, that's so fucking creepy, right?

Because they show the fucking this kid. They show a kid going and just talk to some elderly man about his jerking off. Like that's the creepiest thing about all of this to me is that what the Mormons want is for you to go in and talk to a fucking grown ass man about you touching yourself. Yeah, that's a super real fucking thing in the Mormon church, right? Oh, yeah, they really like make you talk about your masturbatory habits with like Steve. Well, and what's more is that like Steve at like Steve brings it the fuck up, right?

And Steve will continue to bring it up until you give him a good story. It'll be like, all right, must not be jerking off yet. I'll ask again in three months. Hey, Steve, can you inch your chair back away from me? You're sitting real close, right? And a reminder, the year that they started allowing parents into those rooms was two years ago. Yep. Two years ago, you were allowed to be like, Hey, you keep asking my kid about jerk enough. Can I sit in? Yeah, 2018. They decided on that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. Great. And then the next little truth that comes up on Scraresus truth, pornography is more powerful than you think. And I'm just like, it turned invisible. It can fly.

It's super born. What's that? You've never reached into your porn and pulled out a glowing sword. You used to defeat the dragon. That's why you subscribed to premium because you get the sword. Oh, right. Yeah. And then I was like, the missionary kid who was writing the letter or whatever, he ends up by saying like, but then I gave up the pornography, and now I can go off and be a missionary, and I don't, and I won't even have to use the book of Mormon

to hide my weird boner anymore. It'll be great. It'll be great. That kid's name. Joe Exotic. And credit where credit is due. Hello, can I tell you about how Jesus helped my pornography addiction is the only opening line that is worse than, can I tell you about how Jesus helped my pornography addiction? Is the only opening line that is worse than can I tell you about the book of Mormon?

I don't know. Some kid goes to me with that fucking, that opening and I'm going to be like, yeah, man, sit there, fuck down and tell me all about it. But then we learn that nobody can masturbate for you. And that's true, right? Like, it's not true. Dutch rudder, man. I don't know. That was such a bummer to find out. But they come up and they're like, you

know, ultimately the choice is yours. You can't, like, no one can make you look at porn. I'm like, I probably could trick you into it, though. I was going to say I have a bunch of foolish friends who have jumped on Zoom calls with me who can verifiably say that I can make them watch porn. It's my virtual background. So I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yes, but yeah, exactly. Then you guys the fucking smokey the bear only you cannot watch porn fucking doesn't work with it's a negative thing kind of a moment bear

and then again the phrasing of this fucking movie right he goes the internet may still be at your fingertips but they're still your fingers I'm a whole fucking note on thinkers They're just your Chinese Out I wrenched it it's that was my fault that's on me Bill. Bill, I need a day off. I can think about it. These kids fucking fingers. So then narrator comes and he goes, you may think you're only exercising your freedom, which is exactly what I'm calling it from now on. So you've been in the bathroom for a while. Yeah, just exercising my freedom. The whole thing is so weird too because it This monologue happens over this slideshow of the kids. Yeah, it's like this It's like a weird mashup of the legal at the end of a Viagra commercial Overlaid onto an in-memorium for the kids at your high school who killed themselves that

into an in-memorium for the kids at your high school who killed themselves that genre benching. Yeah, I know it's, it had this weird like multi-racial, you know, kids of all races and ethnicities cannot masturbate moment to it. Yeah. And then the narrator goes, some of your so-called friends and it immediately cuts to the black kid. Yes. Did you guys just say that? When I was thinking fucking beat the one black kid is on that line. Some of your so-called friends might seduce you to watch and the skits just like,

wait, I thought I was just another one of the good ones. God damn it. We got a photo negative of the Lamanite for a second. Wait, wait, wait. So. Well, they had the photo negative, but layman night for a second. Well, they had the photo negative, but they cut it because they can't live too white. Yeah, right. All right, that's confused and we're going to confuse people with that. And they also, at this point, they offer a few of their suggested solutions for overcoming your

porn addition. One of which is, I shit you not just never be alone. All right, that one tracks. I feel like spent time with your mom, spent time with your loved ones. Hey, mom, can you sit with me till this boner goes away? There's a whole lot of full back wants. Yeah, and then of course the final truth that we learned from the movie, it comes up and says truth Hope is found in Christ and I'm like I found hope in all kinds of different shit, man

She's she gets around found a lot of things in hope to find their catchphrase for the movie that is real That is true, but they keep repeating it and it gets more and more desperate as the movie goes on by the end. He's like, that is real. That is true, Stephanie. God, I can't stop thinking about these fucking fingers. I'm never going to be able to look at a picture of doubting Thomas again, damn it. Where do you guys hold your fingers normally? What's a normal finger? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

It urges us one last time to talk to our parents about porn. And I thought at that point in the movie I had this weird desire to just like call my mom right and go, I'm just thinking of why is this movie? You and I should talk about porn. And just like maybe get that on, like, like get it recorded for you guys. I don't know. I decided to do. Absolutely.

Do you guys think your parents watch porn? I can tell you this much. My very first pornographic, like anything from a magazine or from print was I was like 10 or 11 years old and my mom used to get red book. Do you guys know red book magazine? Are you serious right now? I'm a hundred percent serious and I would take I like the home lifestyle magazine Yes, but they had but they had you know Absolutely not I need to know what you jerked off to a red book

Absolutely not. I need to know what you jerked off to me, Rainbow. What? It is happening. Absolutely a castle. Boy, she's just like, sconces. Look at these sconces. The irony is when I was going to say to defend myself, doesn't sound that good in my head anymore. Which is said it has. It could not possibly would be worse than what we're thinking you are about to say. It had those like ten tips to make your man go wild.

They were like, yeah, but it was like a Cosmo kind of thing. Yeah, right, right. Okay. But it would describe them in detail. It'd be like, I remember like the words, they would never use the word penis. They'd use the, they was always in our thigh. Or remember, inner thigh? It was always, they never said penis or generals, they always said inner thigh would be like,

put your head between his inner thighs. And like, and like, just when we were talking to Jake. What? I take it back. I like red books. Six different. For the longest time, I was like, I had no idea the inner thigh was the most erotic sound. Well, she's just going to town on some girls outer thigh.

Wait, I think I might have read this wrong. I don't know. Is it my inner or your inner? Lose your stage. Turn around. Turn around. Stage inner or house inner? He's just sitting at home playing his inner thighs like a bongo's.

Nope, still nothing. And this is also where we get the voice over from the wife who's forgiven her porn addict husband. And she says, I love my husband. And he's worth super duper long pause worth being married to. Yes. Wow. She had so little good to say that the best she could wear

that was like, he's on a podcast. He's like, to be fair, this is the moment that crystallized porn in the Mormon community for me. Cause the thing I realized is like, this is just how Mormons get blow jobs from their wives. They're just like, gosh babe, I mean, I hate to turn on the computer and accidentally sacrifice our family's place

and Heavenly Father Celestial Kingdom. But I can't, I can't. So I find it right. I think this is just the left porn, it's just leverage. Oh wow, you're probably right. That's so fucking sad. Maybe, maybe put your mouth on my inner thigh, I don't know. Do you want me to be separated from our heavenly family?

Because that's what's gonna happen if I finish the fucking thing. Do you want me to be in our daughter's wedding or not? So fucking get fucking get naked and get between my inner thoughts. And then it concludes with him saying that someday he'll tell his son about betraying him through pornography. And that is the only conversation worse than talking to your parents about porn is talking to you about porn. Just like a kiddo look, you're 11 now. So let me tell you about the time your mom kicked me out of the house for a week.

So they're not actually newscasters. That's the first thing you need to understand. It's confusing because it's not like translated. You don't know who they are. So, and then, okay. So, and then the movie closes on this book of Mormon quote, and I just, I love this so fucking much because the book of Mormon is so goddamn awful right it's the worst book ever written and it's so long and convoluted that they it takes them two screens to get the whole goddamn thing up there's nothing

being said there at all it's like it's it's it's so convoluted but by the time you get to the end of it you're like yeah no the Bible's too good for this. Right? Wow. It's like, it's literally, it's a Bible quote that somehow even more convoluted and even less profound. I will say that tight as a dish is a pretty sweet point. Oh, yeah, the book of Mormon is not aware of how great they pressaged that.

All right. So that's the end of the movie, aware of how great they pressaged that. All right, so that's the end of the movie, but I have to ask, I have to know how long was it between the time that this movie ended and the time that you next watched porn? Negative 20 minutes. Well, so the thing that autoplaid literally is this ended when autop auto played on the YouTube stream was a totally not comedic Mormon production of like the Book of Mormon like their own musical ballet version. Yeah, so zero seconds. We were close. Zero seconds.

Yeah, we did. We could have gone back to back, buddy. I was like, oh, good. They teed me up. No, I'll be honest. I didn't last 20 minutes. We couldn't have gone. I was like, oh, good. They teed me up. No, I'll be honest.

That didn't last 20 minutes. We couldn't have gone back to back. All right. So that's going to do a program of pornography. The great lie, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to channelize you with another title. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, for the end of Mormon Movie Month, we've had cowboys, we've had a treasure hunt,

we've had pornography, and now it's time for the Cokeville miracle. That's right. It's the time God saved everyone in a school shooting slash bomb slash hostage situation. Oh, that should be tasteful. Great. That'll be good. Okay. Right. We need God in times of national crisis. We've learned that. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up episode two 52 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Moishi for hanging out with us tonight and even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com slash God awful. And thereby earn early access to an ad free version

of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out a simply shows the scathing ADS citation data, the skeptic and DND minus. Yes, we finally reached the point and Mormon movie month where the pre records were after DND minus came out. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off when we see Gmail.com legal services for this podcast provided by the law.

This is a P N Dr. Taurus Tim Robertson takes care of our social media our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik and people trapped on Mars although their music was written and performed by our audience and your Morgan Clark and was used with permission thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right knee-leibos and I'm no illusions promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close I went on to end Mormonism with my Oculus Quest. The porn that dude saw 31 years ago went on to define Eli as a human being. Everything you've ever seen that pretends to be real science or a documentary about how

porn is bad is funded by Mormons. 100% of it, all the time forever. I Like the thing nor it There's no one I'm talking about right you've seen that board. Oh, absolutely. Okay. Thank you All right, and I notice notice that me and Moisey strategically failed to answer that question. Um, I assume you never acknowledge the calm you play right through you line of top. All right, interstitial three and Morgan, maybe a little porn music in the background for this one. Four, five, five, five.

I'm sorry. You started. I always, well, the thing is, I had already started counting. four four five five. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He started. I always. Well, so the thing is, I had already started counting him with heat. You just got to go. You got to go then, right? Because he'll just.

I'm just so sorry. I know I keep getting into coming on for. I feel like there's nothing else you coming on for for me. One other thing you coming on for. All right. I wish you weren't recording. Yeah. All right.

I want to know I'm now I'm curious what your answer to that. All right. I mean, you're not a brand. No, no, no. All right. Cause we are recording.

You see one more time with feeling three, four, four, no, no, no. All right, because we are recording you see one more time with feeling. Three, four, four, five, you didn't do it. Did you? He totally did. I heard him fat piece of shit. No, he didn't at the end. But he forgot. And then at the end, he went four, five.

I was just saying, I do think that he hit the four late. I was a little like, okay, I was a little. Okay, we have evidence of it. You can't lie about what he had in the record. It's a recourse, we can hear it. I can hear it with my ear. So let's, I know you're, I think you're lying. I think you're lying.

Let's try that one more time. Everybody together on four. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020. All rights reserved. Everybody together on war. But the preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2020 all rights reserved.