God Awful Movies - 255: Geronimo

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Geronimo, the story of a depressed teen and all the people with way more problems in their lives that set those aside for a minute to deal with his stuff. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

What's supposed to happen in the scene is he realizes the possums there and goes like ah and then the possum runs away Except this morbidly obese possum is like dude this fucking fruit on you Okay, so I assume that they must have like smeared possum Fairbones all over for some because that thing clearly wants to fuck the actor. Yes, that's all literally. Oh, the director was like, okay, Ann, cut. And the possum was like, Bean of Butter, shut up. Still going.

Bean of Butter. Alright. OOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Dan Wright, Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah. So, you know who's a good poet? I do not. Rudyard Kippling. Oh God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, 100 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? HP Lovecraft Unappreciated author of science fiction. I'll sell you right now Whoa is a great word to describe HP love all right boy. This is descendant quick, right? All right, so tell us eat what will we be breaking down today?

we watched All right, so tell us what will we be breaking down today? We watched Geronimo is the least offensive part of the really yeah actually. It's the story of the white man's bird. Yep, that's it. Yes, the story. They took an extremely racist poem from 1899. And in 1990, they made a Christian movie about it. And it's about kids from a gang in Chicago getting saved at a Jesus camp. Right. Except it's done so badly that even the racist caricatures in their movie are disappointed with the white man's

technique. Yeah. And they just roast him the whole time about how he's carrying out the burden like an idiot. It's pretty fun. That accidental angle of it. But otherwise, it's just terrible. And I mean, spoilers for the rest of this review.

Would we say they get saved at Jesus Camp? No, that's because, yeah, right, right. This is the white man just shrugging off that burden, right? Like we're half-asseted to a point where it didn't even matter. Yeah. I prayed for my burden to work. That's good. Yep.

There you go. Yeah. Andy Lai, how bad was this movie? Well, if you thought the help was bad, if you were blindsided by the blind side, then buckle the fuck up because this is some Christian white, save your his mother fuckers. Oh, yeah. I, this is how crazy, racist, and horrible this movie is. I did not realize the problematic nature of the title

of this movie until he announced it just now. I'm so focused. That's right. On the contrary, it's the new name of the Washington football. Yeah. They're in a committee. We don't know. We don't find out.

We'll find out. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? one for being the best of being the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to say best worst inventing new stereotypes. Oh, okay. So the entire movie we're falling around five kids from a gang in Chicago and they're going over the top. The movie's going over the top with all the racial stereotypes of that. But the movie clearly felt like they, I don't know, ran out as if that's like a risk. You have to worry about so they just made up new ones partway through the movie.

They were in the writers room and somebody was like, all right, let's brainstorm. For the association, just shout out the first thing that comes to mind when I say black people. And it was like gasoline, whittling nonchucks, afraid of thunder. Christ. Okay. Oh, it's gasoline, got it, whittling nonchucks. Okay. Okay.

And afraid of thunder. All right. I'm right. I don't know if it's a positive thing to say, but there is some out of the box racism. Yeah. All right. So, of course, I'm going to do the easy one here. I'm going to go best worse use of David A.R. White.

All right. So the main reason we're watching this is because this is the first film credited on David A.R. White's IMDb Filmography, right? But of course, he was nobody then. Nobody knew he was going to become the Christian movie Titan that he is now. So he's got he's he's not an under five, but he's an under seven. Right. So he's credited as overbearing counselor. He's right between angry mom and woman whose car is stolen. Build way below gang member at pay phone one and gang member at pay phone to but it's a start. It's a style

Aim high. He's gone a long way right now. He's starring in the pureflix original series Love during the quarantine. Oh, I thought you were gonna start I thought you were gonna say he was starring in the pureflix original series. Please buy a lifetime Yeah Please buy a lifetime membership. Membership. Yeah. Yeah. No, you don't understand. It's like, that's absolutely everything. I know how whole life insurance is a great investment. It's like a reverse mortgage, but for screaming.

And see, I was going to go with best worst racist closed capture. Yes. If you watch this movie, I swear this is true. If you watch this movie almost every time African American characters in this movie speak, the captioning is inaudible because the white person who did the CC for this movie who has like three different types of horse snails that they differentiate every time you talk blackingly just every So every time 19 9 captioning mumbles. It's like

Yeah, right right yeah exactly the close captioning just rubs its arm a little Some captioning tried to sing along with the N word in Hmm All right captioning thinks all lives man. Yeah All right, well I'll tell you what there's a lot of inaudible to get to so we're gonna keep the break brief and when we come back We'll dive into all the sequential scenes that are Geronimo Hi

Karen Can I talk to you for a second? Oh the producer of the movie come on in did you see my new poster? Huh? Oh, I'll hang in there. Yeah, I get it Cuz yeah, no, you don't get it cuz the cat is hanging on the branch. No, I get it. Because, you know, you don't get it. Because the cat is hanging on the branch. No, I, yeah, no, I understand. Yeah. So look, I wouldn't talk to you about the closed captioning that you did for the movie. Oh, I know, I know.

No need to thank me. You are welcome. Well, I wasn't going to. Yes. So, um, I'm wondering, did you want the script? Because we have that, right? So you could like maybe fill in some of the parts that are a little harder to hear No, no, I don't need that. I know what I'm doing Okay, so okay so like in scene three when Joe is talking the close caption that you put in is just as quote Inaudible blackness

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or like, or two scenes later, when Reggie's praying, you wrote, I assume some kind of rap music. I don't like rap music. My niece went to see Hamilton last July, and she said it was good, but it seems like it wouldn't make any sense because none of those people were black.

None of those people were black, exactly. Yeah, these are the clothes. Okay, and then just one other one during the big waterfall scene Whenever leave or I've talked you would just write I'm calling the police. I did every time You know that this this will be fun. I know it gold stars for Karen Oh also one last thing. it's about your comments in the suggestion box oh yeah we don't have a suggestion box and we would appreciate it if you stopped bringing one from home no okay and we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up on quote from Matthew about some

man's burden or another, I believe Heath already mentioned it. Yeah, this quote, Matthew 913 is basically saying, all right, we're talking to the heathens of color here, not the white Chris Chris, people. In this movie, Matthew 913. And then we get horn music over a bunch of pictures of a brother and sister, which is uncomfortable. Yeah. Oh, this is fun. Like this, I was, I was like, wow, this is, okay, Hornographic 80s sitcom is starting

right on board with this. Boy, does that nail the theme? It was like, who's the boss? But like, you know, Tony was in porn. So great. I wrote down music. Q Bill Clinton is going to make love to you, baby. So then the narrator cuts in and he's like, I'm the narrator. My dead sister, sure will be central to my motivations. Drunk driver, it's a Christian movie. So it's either gonna be that or cancer was drunk driver. In this instance.

Yeah, this might be our fastest atheist because of tragedy in a movie we've ever seen. It's rare that they introduce it that way. Yeah, cold open. I'm an atheist now, problem of evil. Okay. All right. This is starting to movie.

One, two seconds. All right. Not bad. Have you guys heard about the Coke fill bomb? Just that. So then, okay, so then there's we get introduced to the terrible Mikey in this film. And in such a great way because he's like, you know, I really haven't had much of a relationship with God since my sister died. And then I guess the mom shows up, knocks on his door and yells something through the door But it's Mike's so bad that I couldn't tell right? So he's like I haven't had much of a relationship with God and then he just turns to no one apropos of nothing and says yeah

I don't feel like going What was that you say want want want want want Did you say want want want want want. No, I don't feel like I'm just saying. But it was not the almighty he was speaking to it was either his mother or the ghost of his mother based on the appearance of this woman. I swear, there is nothing that you guys can say that'll convince me this actress didn't die five days before they filmed and just get reanimated using a fucking haunted lock it and it's a hubris or something. using a fucking haunted locket and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, You're good. What's she look like? Late Doug Henning, exactly. You're welcome. Yeah. In addition.

Yeah. But mom shows up in this room and she's like, hey, look, it's been like a month and a half since your sister died. Can you get over the atheism shit? And he's like, no, it's act one. We just barely are even started with the fuck. What are you? Are you kidding me?

But I do believe we have a plot. I would not like to go to church. Great. Right. So he goes down for breakfast and dad gives him shit for not going to church as well. Yeah, he says, uh, he says, go to church or you can't have any more food.

And I was like, the good guys of the movie, everyone, the good guys of the movie. Yeah, exactly. But just then a gaggle of girls shows up to just drag him to church by his dick and that works. Yes. Oh man, the patterns these young women are wearing. Oh, they're so loud they blew out the speakers on my TV. The hostables walked by the house and were like, uh, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go just, you know, improvise a quick hello and then go into the script part. And that was a terrible fucking idea because it's just like, hello, hello, we are

come on, I love us now, hello, hello, hello, like a minute of that. And then they cut off at the exact same second, right? Yeah. Drug cartel kidnappers watch that scene and they're like, okay, think it easy, lot. Very, it's a lot. Well, and by the way, the filmmaker will not learn their lesson about that in this scene because we will do that 16,000 more times in the film. Some of the inaudible wasn't racist. Not when it was five white people. It's gonna switch real fast.

Yeah. All right, so now they're, they're driving the church in front of the shittiest green screening in all the movie. There's a flap coming off of it in the corner. Steve the tech walks behind them at one point. It's supposed they're in a convertible, but don't worry, nobody's hair seems to have noticed. Okay, now, no, it was the 1980s hair was immovable from 1979 until 1991. That's the fact. That's science. And

the suburbs of Chicago had the same cactus a lot. That was weird. Oh, Jesus. And so like he's talking to love interest girl. This is Trisha. And he by the way is Jeremy. I don't know if we've mentioned that either way. So Jeremy's talking to Trisha. And she's like, so what have you been reading recently? And he's like German philosophy. We're at about the death of God mostly.

He needs you. Yeah. Do you hear God actually died? Yeah, dies. And she hear God actually died? Yeah, dies. And she's like, fuck you man, in the Bible, Jew is what I meant in the Bible. That's awesome. And then he's like, oh, then no.

That's not. At which point, she opens up her scrapbook and she's like, I brought a newspaper clipping of your dead sister. You wanna read it? You're just speaking of reading, yeah. you read anything in the newspaper any bit you Sorry, all right, so now we're at youth group they finally get to youth group and they're getting the big pitch for camp Zion on the Christian summer camp that they should all volunteer for right I

Fucking love this time share pitch for Jesus. I want everyone to get like half a state dinner in the end. Yeah, right, right, exactly, exactly. Can we get the coupons for the zoo now just so we know we have them so we know. All right. And of course, during the slideshow that they're showing of this camp, they have the picture of Jeremy and his dead sister, right? And there's this awkward.

Oh, so everybody, I'm moving on to the next slide. Look at all these alive people on this one. The exact words are, oh, there's Christine. Man, do we miss her? Absolutely no pause. Also, we had a pie fight. You all put the pie. Which means that as this guy was putting his slides together, he was like, oh, the

Christine photo is going to be a downer. You know what? Pie fight brings the moon right back up. Get the product in the hand. All right. So now that we've established all that, we've got to go check in on the inner city. We have this insane series of establishing shots for the projects. Oh, it's got the inner city Chicago.

It's got cowboys. It's got open fruit trucks. Those were cow, I'm not crazy. They were cowboys in downtown Chicago. Yeah, apparently. Yeah. We'll ask Cecil about them. But yeah, the whole thing is like this is where the people of color live in urbanville. And you know, the electric boogaloo is happening on every side of the, the choreographed in

their head. Yeah, exactly. I want to talk about the two guys who get into fight. So they asked these two actors to improvise, a little fight starting as one walks out of the building. So their conversation goes, Hey man, where are you going? I'm going somewhere. You ain't got nowhere to be in.

They just started shoving each other. I wanted so badly for them to just be like, wait, I'm sorry. Did I say you ain't got nowhere to be? And then we're fighting over this. I'm sorry. This is on me. I got nowhere to be? And then we're fighting over it. This is terrible. I'm sorry. This is on me. I'm having a terrible day.

I was very aggressive. You do have somewhere to be it. That's crazy. It's it. Whether you left or not, you would still be somewhere, I guess. It's also where the narrator is like, we had all the gangs, the Latin kings,

the pony tonis, the totally real gang that someone did not just make up to mess with me. Yes. Yeah, the narrator cuts in. He's like 18 miles away from my house is where we kept all the non-whites through a red line district. Anyway, so and then he describes inner city Chicago.

He goes to me, the city adjustment, Cubs games, dirty politics and snipers. And I'm like, wow, that fucking city hasn't chased a lick in 30 years. Sorry. What was the last one? What was the last? Sniper thing? Sniper snipers? Yeah. People getting shot at Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. This is, he actually says Cabrini green snipers. So this is actually a reference to something kind of real. There was like housing projects that had one incident that I'm aware of where like gang members had sniper rifles and somebody got shot. But this

is them being like, yep, the gun problem in America. That's it. It's the green green projects. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So and then of course the narrators like, you know, but I'm afraid of black and Hispanic people in the way that they'll kill you for wearing the wrong colors. I'm white. And then we meet the posse, right? So this is the five, I guess homeless kids, semi homeless kids or whatever, then are going to be at the center of this movie. Yep. Oh, and they're just walking down the street, giving strangers tummy raspberries and tussling their hair. And they will never not walk in rhythm to 80s hip hop doing the electric boogaloo. Like their whole life is bringing the noise, bringing the

funk like as people all the time. Yeah. Yeah. So they sneak into a fancy hotel to go swimming. And this is so that we can introduce that one of these kids, Ralph, has a complex back story that has him afraid to go into the water. We will tease that out a little bit at a time for the next hour and a half of this film for you. Yeah. And by the way, they'll do it with all the delicacy of like, Hey, man, I know you're afraid to go in the water and that's your back story.

And he's like, that is my back story. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so they, but they get kicked out of the hotel. And they're like, I don't know, what do you guys want to do? What is there to do in the city on a Friday night? They're like, Oh, you guys want to go watch the drivebys? Yeah, let's go watch the drivebys. Sorry. Okay. Like I'm not saying I'm against it, but you're aware of a drive.

It's their great fine for that. Who what is a website you can log in like whatever we're going. Yeah. Right. So they they head out to where they happen to know that a drive by is going to happen so that they can watch all the cool dying And hey, let's be clear this dying is This is some of the best movie dying we've ever seen. It's like they shot the first domino when they try by Like eight guys the squips all go off at once and eight guys all fall and unison. They fucking swoon like it's beetle mania. It's amazing. Yeah.

This is some of the best dying we've seen and we watched samurai cop for two months ago. But oh, wow, that was amazing. And then we get the car jacking, right? With a car jacked lady and the lady says, and I quote, Hey, my car. Oh, man. Yeah, this movie is what your grandma thinks

the Black Lives Matter protests were. Your grandma was your, this is your, your grandma saw this movie on VPN and she thought this was the protest. This entire sequence so far was just that grandma being like, all right, I'm going to introduce black people in the movie. Yep. Yes.

Let's go. We've got electric blue. We've got knowing about drive by shootings that they attend for fun, breaking into a fancy hotel and scaring the white people. Carjacking. Yes. Got it. Let's carjack a white woman who's vulnerable. There is one

perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So the car jack is lady to get away from the drive by. They drive a little waves, but the cops jump in right behind them. And I'm like, okay, if the cops don't shoot them, the drive by is only the second least realistic part of the movie and it is. Right? Yeah. I wrote the same thing. I said, this movie's about the divinity of Christ and the least realistic part is these kids survived this police encounter. Yes, right. Although I will say there is like one white or at least looks white. Oh, yeah.

And he gets out first. You're right. He saved the other four. I would have been funny if he got out and he was like, what's the problem, Officer? Everyone else gets out. They instantly get shot. Oh, sorry. I felt threatened.

Are those kids stealing your car, sir? You want to buy some fireworks? All right, so now we come to the police department where the cops are going to scare these kids straight via nostalgia, right? He opens the scene by being like, I remember when you had door up a little scamp where breaking into the belittled league games, but now you're murderers and car thieves. They grow up so quick. He said they were breaking into Riggly field and I love that you like

that's a little league feel. Yeah, but he says, Hey, either you tell me who the shooter is and I just sent into to Christianity or you don't tell me who did the drive by and you have to go to prison. And like me personally, I don't, I have a tough decision right there, right? Well, what's great is the kids in the scene are like, like the cops like, do you guys want a snitch or and they're like, snitch, we would like to snitch, please. Snitch, snitch. Snitch.

And the cops like, all right, well, it looks like we have ourselves a what? Snitch. Snitch. So, okay. And meanwhile, the narrator is heading to the very same camp on his motorcycle. He's decided he's going to volunteer for this camp because he thinks it's going to good way to get a nutritious panties, right?

Oh, and this, this is where this movie first hints at the fact that it's actually just going to be all of my thoughts projected onto the screen through these African American characters mouths because he's driving his motorcycle with a narration going on over him when the bus full of black characters pulls up and roasts him for a solid three minutes for the rest of this driving sequence. Yes. He's in the middle of it. He's like, guys, I'm doing a narration. Could you, could we, oh, oh, just me and myself on the old

Fuck your face. And by the way, like so for quite a while in this movie, every time these kids are on screen, they will all talk at the same time. Yep. Like every moment with them is the last four seconds of an, it's always sunny scene. Right? So, okay, so we, but we all get to camp Zion. And we have to meet Grady, the bad guy head counselor. What was cut from this film that this character exists? I want to know what we were supposed to piece together.

This character will be in three scenes for four seconds each, one of which he will be jerking off during. I have no idea what he was supposed to add to the plot. Well, and then by the time, by the time it's over, he's he's walking up to us going like, well, I sure have had a character arc and we're like, no, you really haven't, sir. But yeah, so this is great. He walks up to Jeremy as he arrives at camp on his motorcycle. He's like, hey, no motorcycles allowed on the camp and also try to look less dorky. You're closer dorky.

Yeah. Yeah, that, uh, peach colored PK polo shirt is way too rake. So I feel like a fucking crazy person. Am I wrong or were they dressed identically as white guys in the eighties? I could not tell them. Yeah, right. Exactly. I'm sorry, friend.

Are those chinos unpleaded? All right, relax, Chippendale. See what we're getting your change. All right. So now we cut over to the gang kids. They're like Satellinian. And I don't know what this character is supposed to be, right? Because he's not a camper.

He's not a counselor. It will be revealed. He is not a camper, which brings up lots of troubling questions about his existence in this movie. Oh, do you mean this amazing character, bit actor? Yes, yeah, yeah, fishing hat. Yeah, fishing hat. Yeah, so he walks up and he's like,

Hey, we don't see a lot of African Americans in our camp. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm going to be comic relief, or at least that's the idea here anyway. If there's anything I can get for you. And of course, one of the kids immediately goes, how about some cocaine? And he's like, um, I know a high rock. You can jump off a, I don't like that the first suggestion that the white kid had for the only African Americans at the camp

was how about jumping off something? Yeah, yeah, it's not great. He also, he tries to like do the Dale Carnegie make friends and influence people thing. He's like, well, they're T-bone. I like your tattoo. And again, because these characters are the representation of my in, he's like, I like your tattoo and they're like, fuck you. All right. So now we get Jeremy going over and like finding out that his assignment is going to be to take care of these kids, right? And I have to point out this one sequence as they're moving into the, I guess, the stables or whatever where he's going to get his assignment.

There's this shot where it looks like one of the characters is stepping out of the anus of one of the horses. Was this just like, I honestly like, I know that the guy did not like the horse didn't give birth to him as there's seen big game, but I only know that because he isn't wet. It's so it's I think it is the actor trying to like, oh, am I out of the shot? Let me step into the shot here. But it absolutely looks like he is pantomiming like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah God, those guys are wild animals. Yep, those are the exact worst dilapidate, Chad Goddamn. Also, here's this moment when the guy gives him the assignment where he's like,

hey, don't they need like therapy or a social worker and the boss guy is just like, Jesus. Yes. Yes, he literally says he goes, these kids need a psychiatrist and he goes, you can be their psychiatrist and I want it and be like, no, no I can't. I literally can't.

You know that's a real job, right? Yeah, it's a requires all kind of education and whatnot, but no. So he decides he's going to do it. So he goes out and all the kids introduce themselves by their gang names so that we get all the bingo squares nice and early, right? Yeah, this is also where we get the butterfly knife.

All right, so one of the side plots of this movie is that one of these kids can like materialize knives from his fucking ears or something insane Insane knives. Insane. The largest, most dangerous way. I expected at any point that like they'd be roasting marshmallows, it pans over to him. He's got a bazooka on the end of his stick. Yeah, he's like a video game character. He's like, he's pulling out weapon and the counselor guys like, yeah, I don't know where they keep it like we stop and first come every day Where do you guys get those? All right, is that a butterfly knife give it back give it back and And when they do the names thing here the kids all introduce themselves by their their gang names

But their gang names all sound like they failed their audition for the chip and down. Like a really sad version of American Gladiators or something. Yeah, it was lightning. Okay, lightning. Sure. Tinkle. I'm going to show you.

Tinkle was the gang name of one of them. Midnight, SNM, and I was like, okay, like a sexual thing. And the counselor asked, he's like, oh, what's SNM? And that stands for Saturday night special. So, I don't have any name. Meshall. Yep. Also, magic is the last one.

Magic. Yeah. And then of course, Trisha, the love interest happens by right then. So she stops and he's like, Hey, do you want to like to get together and do something? She's like, this is literally my job that I'm doing right now. We're co-workers and I'm working. And he's like, right.

So I have a pet theory about this Trisha plot, which is that Trisha will spend the rest of the movie in my opinion, pretending not to understand that he is hitting on her to get out of hanging out with Jeremy, because he's like, Hey, we should hang out and he's like, hang out a window. That sounds dangerous. But, yeah, exactly. She's a woman from all the decades ever. Yeah.

Yeah. So, she rides off and then they go check out their cabin. The homeless kids are very unimpressed with the cabin. I'm like, you guys are homeless kids. So seems pretty sweet. Okay. Does one of them at this point drive his axe that he pulls out of nowhere into a pillar and just store it there.

Yep. A battle axe. Yeah, he's got a little tiny axe. It's kind of like the rock hammer that Andy do frame had, but a little bigger. Yeah, and also, so they have to show boy, these kids sure are incredible. So they show them immediately setting the cabin that they're in on fire. Seconds later, seconds later, who's like, this cabin sucks. I'm putting my ax here and counselor turns around for a second

and there's a giant fight. They're just like, the thing of gasoline, they've smuggled in a container of gasoline, too, along with the ax and there's a big fire going because that's what they do. Yeah, and as he puts it out, they're like, oh, come on man, I was lighting that on fire. Yeah, right, right. And then he turns back around and one of the kids suddenly has a goddamn switchblade. And he's like, oh, guys, where did that switchblade come from?

Now, you guys keep doing that. All right. Go just, okay, give me back the knife. Go have fun at camp now. Hop, hop, no chainsawss. Assalam o'clock. How do you do that? It was like a naked gun montage, just constantly ever more firearms falling out of these children onto the floor. Did a nuclear satellite? I don't even understand. That's not even a thing.

What? Also, and I love this moment so much. We reveal the Jeremy's dark secret. We see that he's brought alcohol onto the camp in the form of one wine cooler singular. Yeah, wine cool. He's got a bottle and James. Yeah, similar bottles and James. Very exciting.

You're going to throw that in the bug juice. All right. And of course, the, okay, so we cut to this scene like later on, Trisha is just about to demonstrate some CPR on Jeremy. But before the good stuff can start, Grady, the, you know, mean counselor guy has to come up to him and tell him that his kids are fucking up the swim test. Quick question. This isn't necessarily a Christian movie thing. I just want to compare notes on our lives together. Way too many erotic movie scenes from my childhood were based around CPR. Am I wrong about this? I feel like...

Oh, yeah, the Sandlot. wrong about this. I feel like the sand lot CPR as a way to have sex with someone is like the plot of 44 movies. I want to. All right, but of course, this whole scene exists so that he can come up and and say, Hey, guys, do you want to go swimming and one of the kids can go, no, my complex backstory forbids it and go, all right, well, we'll flush that out. And act three, I'm sure. Yeah. All right, so now we cut to the scene where they're all having dinner.

But they can't say grace correctly because this movie is just a lever being pushed back and forth between Christian movie trope racism, racism, Christian movie trope. Yeah, trope. Can we get a second lever and just do both? Okay, yeah, we'll do that. Great.

Yeah, the prayer ends, the saying grace ends, and one of the kids turns to Jeremy, he's like, hey, man, why didn't you say amen? He's like complicated backstory. And they're like, oh, okay, you too, huh? All right. And then, so one of Jeremy's major traits in this movie will be to every time somebody makes fun of him,

to give them better ammunition, right? Like, oh, come on, man, you can do better than that. So one of them's like, man, your mom is so fat, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, my mother's not fat. Here's a picture of her. It's so like now you can really dig in. You're off to that right now. Exactly.

Exactly. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. Egg on your face. I'm not sure if I win or lose, but there you go. I thought that was a picture of his dead sister, but I guess it was both of them.

Yeah, it's both of them. Yeah, because they're like, hey, who's this hot sister at yours? Yeah. So somebody said your mom's fat, he pulls out a picture of his mom and dead sister and hands it to them. Okay. That's what happened there. Trump card. And they're like, wow, this okay. We're all very confused.

Like, I guess you want to. Yeah, we are too shocked to continue to make fun of you. Well, play. What to say next. Do you have any other family members? We could make fun of that you give us a photo. George Washington was fat. give me a dollar. Yeah. All right, well, nothing like a nice somber dead sister moment to pause for a break, but we'll be back in a minute with even more.

Geronimo. All right, that will be 29, 99. Thank you. Okay, my turn, my turn. Okay, no, just one. Let me save it. Let me save it. Let me save it. I just made a purchase.

I'm gonna save it. All right, which one of you tore the labels off of all the can't? What are you guys doing? Oh, hey, no. So, yeah, Eli and I were playing store because, you know, we miss buying things. I just got a sweet new shave kit. Well, I wanted to buy a sweet new shave kit. No copies, no copies.

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It's for chilly surprise. We have canned fruit in there, guys. Yeah, that's why it's a surprise. Alright, you kids listen up. Now, I know you saw who waxed Louis the Goose. And if you don't speak up, it's the slammer for all ya. I'm talking hard time, maximum security. And if you don't speak up, it's the slammer for all ya. I'm talking hard time, maximum security.

Whatever man, we ain't talking. Yeah. All right, well, that's up to you. You wanna go to the who scout for 25th of life. I'm not gonna stop ya, but you can give me a name. I might see to it that y'all just go to a Christian summer camp instead. Wait, sorry, what?

You heard me. Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. So our two options are going to a maximum security prison for adults, which we aren't. We're going to a Christian summer camp. Christian summer camp, yeah. Like, like with kayaking and marshmallows and stuff. Yep, that's right, yep. It was Charlie. Yeah, Charlie did stuff. Yep, that's right. Yep.

It was Charlie. Yeah, Charlie did it. Yeah, excellent, excellent. This is how me and a cop works. I, I guess so. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha horse riding practice scene. This is one of my favorite moments in several ways. Yeah. He tells them it's just like driving a car, you know? What? But one that has a will of its own and shit.

What possible way other than you end up elsewhere at the end, is it like driving a fucking car? Right. That's cool. We almost got murdered by a cop the last time we drove a car. And is it like driving a fucking car? Right. That's cool. We almost got murdered by a cop the last time we drove a car. Yeah. That's right. Exactly.

They get on the horse a cop immediately rolls up for the sirens. Oh, you see what we're talking about? We're to even come from. That's crazy. Now we have to go to a Christian camp inside this Christian but Jeremy's on the horse showing them how easy it is and one of the kids finds a little nail sticking out of the fence and stabs the horse in the ass with it. Right. So the horse goes taking off and Jeremy wipes out and I'm like, you know, honestly, like if he was paralyzed for the rest of his life by this or something,

you know, honestly, like if he was paralyzed for the rest of his life by this or something, sorry, I'm laughing. Yeah, he falls so hard. He falls down to the point where I had to pause here. I laughed so much. I was worried about the god damn stunt man. Who, by the way, was three times the size of the actor playing here. Yeah, but he walks over like Wiley Coyote made out of ashes like, oh, you're ass Still halfway in that like

Oh Jesus and then and then we cut to the crafting scene where of course the kids are just making shanks and Nunchucks and shit. And ninja stars. It's amazing. So whenever we make out of the yarn, we gave you an a pan over to the gang and they've got swords and bombs and it's crazy. None-shocks. He says, you guys want to make something that doesn't kill people and they're like, no.

And he's like, all right, okay, ask the answer, Neen. Yeah. So yeah, so they get bored making all their ninja weapons. So they decide to go through Jeremy's shit, right? They go back to the cabin and they go through his bag and steal all of his stuff. And this is where David A.R. White happens by the time of the radio is not allowed at fucking camp and that line delivery It's so obvious he's going places so obvious

You know as as he's as the kids are running off you believe that radio is aren't allowed it camp Yeah, yeah, for sure Also while they're stealing all of Jeremy's stuff here we get Also, while they're stealing all of Jeremy's stuff here, we get theft music as the music. And I was like, okay, that's weird to choose theft music. But then I was like, oh, that's not the soundtrack. They're actually playing theft music on a boombox. That's actually music in the universe of the movie. Yeah, no, they tuned it to theft music radio.

Yeah. And then so as they're doing this, Jeremy's checking out this Noah's arc themed puppet show. And I just, I point that out because like, I feel like Christians should not lean into the, all the babies and puppies died story with their kids as much as they do, but they are on a shame to this one. They love it. It's one of their favorites. To be fair, it's also one of the only stories in their book of stories.

That's true. No, you're right. You're right. That are cutting up the computer. Get a stretch, aren't you? If you think about it, actually, is a better, yeah, right, right, a better story. For a few or a few people dying that one anyway. So okay yeah and then there's this little girl doing the puppet show and she's like Jeremy would you like to participate in the puppet show and he's like no I'm selectively

brooding and then she's like well then why the fuck are you just in you want to know how this story goes then I'm just hanging out just want to see how this happened. I read the book, but I didn't see the movie yet. I wanted to see a different from the puppet show. So yeah, so he goes, he's like, you know what I need is some fucking bottles and James. So he goes back to the cabin and this're at the camp store trying to buy rolling paper since cigarettes. Yeah. Yeah. Because all they can think of it, this is a bodega, right? So it's city urban bodega stuff.

That's it. I want a bag and egg and cheese and I want, I want old, very, very expired Oreos that are a different price for white people. They are for us. I'd like a half a pint of laundry detergent for $14, please. And then we cut to canoe practice so that everybody can fall out of the canoe. Yep, for a while. Then they go over to watch, skit, night? Yeah, is that what we're seeing?

Cause I was very confused. I was confused. It was killing. Whatever it was was slaying this audience. I guess maybe imp... I don't know. Yeah, right. No, it was, there was apparently there are like these nightly plays that they put on at the camp or something.

We don't really establish that very well, but a couple of times we move away from them. This is the first. And this ends with Jeremy going up to Trisha and saying, hey, do you want to, like, do you want to sneak off with me? And she goes off. What do you mean by off oh again it's so amazing she's just playing so dumb to get out of seeing him in any way in shape or form he's like you know on a date and she's like a date on a calendar and he's like what you me we go to like eat together eat. Yeah, like a meal of food together. We would eat food. You know food. You know food.

Food nonsense noise. You're hilarious. Okay. Bye. All right. Yeah. But so he strikes out and as he's striking out, Grady, the bad guy counselor comes up to him and says, Hey, I need you to get serious about, like,

you know, Christianizing those, those kids, or there's really no plot at all. Yeah. Hey, how would you say it's going with those inner city kids of color? Oh, they hate me and they keep making weapons slash having weapons. Cool. Change their religions. That'll probably, it seems like a good time. Okay. They're back at the minstrel show that's crushing it right now. Should I go grab them and do that?

Yeah, probably go grab them and do that. That's great. They're about to do the soft shoe. So, so he goes back to the cabin and they the kids of booby trapped the cabin with this insanely sophisticated water bucket travel. Oh, for sure. Yeah. They bore water on them and then they're smoking in his face. He's just getting destroyed by this group of kids. Yeah. He's like, all right. All right, we're all having fun. Really elaborate urine bucket trap. Secret blowing in my face.

All right, who wants to get saved? Yeah. Well, wait, so the thing about it is that he never has the sense this character never has the sense to go, huh? You guys got me. All right, moving on. Right? Every single time they do something, he freaks the fuck out and makes it worse. Right? And he's like, Oh, yeah. Well, what if I drink all drink pee. So now you have nothing to make fun of. No, no, no, I win.

I win. I'm winning. Peach, I can't just go. Spoiler alert, I'm going to throw up. Well, he screams at them like Garyusey here, which was delightful. Oh, okay. Guy freak out. All right. So he starts because he's got to teach him about religion. He's got to do the nightly devotionals or whatever. So he starts teaching about Christianity. And then they start roasting Jesus, which is amazing. And that's when he gives him the all caps ones instead of exclamation marks scream.

This is just a couple hundred thousand retweets away from him issuing a weird apology video explaining that he's been fired from his job. He interviewed by the Washington Square Journal. The video of him on the phone calling the cops on them because they're at a barbecue. Yeah. All right. Oh, but there is one brief glimmer of hope for him after everybody gets done making fun of them blowed smoke rings in his face and shed. One of the kids is like, Hey, man, can I borrow that Bible of yours for a minute?

No, just none in particular. I just want to see it. Yeah. This is the Christian version of T-Ball and he's slamming his bat directly into the floor. He's like, I sure I'm interested in what Jesus had to say. Yeah, whatever. It's just past the part where I can hit you with a stick, but as long as you get up, right?

It's fucking missionary wet dream. And he's blowing it. He's right. Right. I've watched enough of these Christian movies that I was getting blue balls from it. I was like, come on man. Tell him about the love of our love. Be here. Daddy want. All right.

So, and then we have to double down on the on him getting being terrible at getting pranked. So this is the scene where they've like put fruits on his chest as he sleeps. So a possible come and start eating them and freak my favorite character in the movie Fat Possum. Fat Possum is pretty awesome. So first of all, this is very clearly a pet possum and what's supposed to happen

in the scene is he realizes the possums there and goes like, ah, and then the possum runs away except this morbidly obese possum is like, do this fucking fruit on your stomach if it's possible. Okay, so I assume that they must have like smeared possum, pheromones all over me or something because that thing clearly wants to fuck the actor.

Yes, that's a little bit. Oh, the director was like, okay, and cut. And the possum was like, peanut butter, shut up. Still going. So Jeremy's like, no, come on, don't climb onto my neck anymore, peanut butter. All right.

Possum. Oh my God. And then he freaks the fuck out and he yells to the kids. I shit you not go back to the ghetto Is the protagonist of the movie oh Jesus he screams about how much he hates all of them and he wants them the fuck out of there So the next morning he starts walking away, which seems weird because he has a motorcycle. But anyway, he's walking off Ralph, the kid that was interested in the Bible, chases him down and says,

Hey man, here's all that stuff we stole from ya. I sure am sorry. Yeah, he's like, hey, so I read the Bible. And yeah, so I stole some more money on top of the money that I had already stolen from, so I stole some more money on top of the money that I had already stolen from you. I stole some more money, put it into your wallet from the back to you, because I read the Bible. And I was like, oh, you know what, that actually trashed.

He nailed it, yeah, that is some pretty good reading comprehension. Did you build a stone artist, any other gods? No, yeah, then you're good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, any other gods? No, yeah, then you're good. No, no, no, no, no, places nailed it. Yeah. And then, but Jeremy's pissed off at him. He's like, man, you can't steal other people's money to give me that. That doesn't count. You have to go give that money back. And he's like, and Ralph is like, Hey, man, I didn't steal your motorcycle. You're welcome. asshole. And he throws him the keys. He's, he being like, we're

gang. This is serious. You don't do nice things or steal to make up for other stealing. But then one of them's like, ow, ow, ow, ow, the pebbles are hurting my bare feet. Yes. We're going to teach you a hot hot sand hot sand. Hot sand. Hot sand. Hot sand. Hot sand. Does anybody have any of those like aquasauks? I want to do it again. All right. So meanwhile Jeremy goes to see Trisha at the infirmary and he's pretended to be sick and

she's really literally writing like totally full of shit on the medical forms. So she's like, how are things going with those kids? And he's like, they're rolling joints with the Bible pages and she's like, how are things going with those kids? And he's like, they're rolling joints with the Bible pages. And she's like, why? And I'm, he's like, because Noah didn't like him enough yet. Apparently, I don't know. So weird. Yeah. And she's like, okay, I'll tell you what, you go tell those kids that Jesus loves them. And we can go horseback riding. And he's like, yes, got it. Awesome. Yeah. Her advice is go yell Jesus at him. That should fix everything. and he's like, yes, got it, awesome. He me out. Yeah, her advice is go yell Jesus Adam,

that should fix everything. Yeah, he says very specifically, these kids are worse than Libyan terrorists. Yeah, see that. That's his description. Yeah, but that was aggressive. You know what Libyan terrorists need more than anything? Jesus.

Man. You sound like Mike Pompeo better come All right, so yeah, he goes to try to connect with the kids one more time They're all out playing basketball because of the blackness They're not they're at a basketball hoop. They do have a basket ball of baskets But they're running drills. Yeah. Yeah. Which is insane.

Like that's how these, these movie makers were like, what is basketball playing? It's just the weave, right? It's a five man weave. I think. Yeah. And I love his effort, by the way, to proselytize at this point. He walks into the middle of their basketball drill, grabs the ball from them, won't give it back and says, God loves you until they take it back from him.

That's it. That was his whole plan. Surprisingly, that doesn't work. No. So then we go to the fire starting competition. Right. They've got a competition going like whichever cabin can start a fire that's big enough to burn the string fastest wins. And the kids cheat and use matches and gasoline? Well, the matches you're allowed, you were allowed to use.

Yeah, but they use gasoline to burn and look, I'm sure Heath would agree that wasn't in the fucking rules. Be more specific about the rules. These kids fucking won. Yeah. There was nothing in the rules that said you couldn't siphon gasoline out of the tractor. The tractor was available to everyone, right? Yeah, I saw nothing about that.

Yeah. Also, maybe are just, you know, hold up the match to the string. That would work too, yeah. They may have had a rule on that one, but so, yeah, so we have that little scene. I guess that's supposed to be humor. And then we get another scene where Jeremy tries to flirt with Trisha and she pretends to not know what any of the words mean. Oh, yeah.

He told the kids about Jesus. So he's supposed to get his date and she's like, yep, we can go horseback riding me and all of my friends. And he's like, I thought it would just be me. And she's like, I don't know why I didn't say that. And he's like, oh, he'd all of my friends and he's like, oh, I thought it would just be me. And she's like, I don't know why I didn't say that. And he's like, oh, hate all of them. I can't pee on you while they're watching. He even says like he's like,

well, I was hoping that you would I could get closer and she's like, what do you mean by closer? Would I don't understand the concept of closeness? He's like, you do though. I'm sure you know about proximity. Stop making me say the things I'm implying. All right. So the two of them, but I guess he eventually convinces her to go out on this boat with them,

right? So the two of them are like rowing out into the lake. And she's like, well, how are things going with the kids? He's like, yeah, not great. One of them started reading the Bible and, uh, oh boy, man, that'll fuck you right up. Did you know God murdered a bunch? Like a bunch.

This is going to sound crazy because obviously you both read the Bible. Great book. It's actually kind of hard to explain how much God loves someone to a child who's grown up around abuse and violence and poverty. Especially when he starts reading our book and finds out that our God murdered more people than he did in it. And just to be clear, my sister got killed by God. Yep, still bombed.

And Trisha's answer is, but still. Yes, that's it. That's it. The fucking theological ceiling. End of scene. So, yeah. So now he's gonna go have a heart to heart with the aspiring Christian kid, who is carving Jesus holding him and his brother.

I thought he was carving boobs. It really looked like he was carving boobs. Yeah. So, yeah, he says, you know, I started reading the Bible and you can see Jeremy kind of wince, right? He's like, I didn't even highlight the only parts you can read without realizing how fucked up it is. So here's the thing you got to know about an amat like height. All right. Where do I'm going? Okay, you know,

Right. Oh, where do I'm going? Okay, you know, is does not equal ought. This is so stop reading the book. I'll tell you what it says. So and Ralph that that curious Christian kid or the Christian curious kid says, hey, Ben, you want to pray with me? And he's like, yeah, sure, why not? But just in all the other kids' shops, so he has to pretend to be an atheist some more. Yep. And apparently they all show up because Grady just caught them all sniffing glue.

And Jeremy's like, where are the craft shop? Got it. Sniffing glue at the craft shop. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to head over. I'm going to head over at the craft shop. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to head over. I'm going to head over to the craft shop and make sure that the cabinet is all. I'll take all the glue. You know what? I'll take it. I'll keep it with me.

And the keys. I'll make sure to re lock it. Probably still open. All right. So now we cut to another one of these dumbass play things. And this is the one where like they get a page. I guess one of these kids has had a pager this whole time. One of the best of pager.

He's got a gang based pager, which means at some point all the gangs in Chicago got together and they were like, all right, everyone. I know it can be a little hard to keep track of who is feuding with who, who is murdering everyone. So here is your geolocated free, free pager. Everyone take one and I will page you if there's new gang related violence to inform you about what what I find so hilarious about this Eli is that like, yes, obviously in 1991 he's kids would have fucking pager. You just weren't there for the pager part

of say, it was like a four year window where everyone had a pager, but this was in it, yeah. But so, yeah, so they get a page from one of the gang kids in Chicago, so they go and dump what would be like $11.5 into a pay phone, right? To call them and find out what's going on, and it turns out that there are the opening salvos of a gang war back home, right? So, but they have this conversation about like, you know, should they retaliate when they get back?

Should they escalate the gang war? Should they let it die down? And aspiring Christian kid is not so sure he wants to provoke a gang war when he goes home. Yeah, there's some wisdom in the Bible about that. He's like, yeah, I was reading the Bible. The whole race wars and murder thing. It's pretty much the whole book, but it does work out badly for a lot of people. Yeah, it does go well. Let me tell you.

To which gang leader produces an enormous knife for him again. Yep. It's huge. These kids must have the rectal elacity of Andy Dick. That there's constantly hiring these things. And by the way, Jeremy sees this and walks over to us by and Christian and kid and he's like, Hey, do you want to talk about it? Can't help but notice he just handed you a giant hunting knife and ran his thumb along his throat. No, okay.

Cool. We're going to carve a false idol with it. You want it a little bit? Do you need a white savior? Is this a sedernated Bible character? So you're gonna get in trouble for that. All right, well, I'll tell you what, this movie is threatening to have something interesting happen. So I think we all need a minute to let that calm down. But first, let me give back to you the hard self.

Will Ralph ever learn to swim? Will it be in the blood of his enemies? Find out the answers to these questions and more. When we return for the credits are rolling now so it must be over conclusion of Juranimo. Okay, so now you put the ramen in the bowl, add hot water. No, okay, wait, wait, add spice packet, then add the hot water. Okay. Hey Keith, what's your type in?

Hey, yeah, well, you know how everyone's doing cool stuff in the quarantine? Like what? Well, like a no-rode book and Anna had a kid. I mean, I also had a kid. Oh, yeah, you do a lot of the pushing, a lot of the breastfeeding. Fair enough.

You're involved in a lot of that. That's okay. So I'm finally getting around to my cookbook based on my popular YouTube channel, cooking ramen with Heath. Feel like I'll really be able to say I did something during the quarantine, you know? I mean, why don't you just take better care of your teeth with quip? Really? Feel like I already got you with the pushing joke. No, Heath quip. Really? Feel it, Gourdy. Got you with the pushing joke. No, heath quip.

Good health starts with good habits. Quip makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essentials you need to brush and floss better. That's why I use quip and why our listeners should too. Oh yeah. Well, what do they send you? They send you the quip electric toothbrush, which has time sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two minute routine. And there's even a size down version designed for kids paired with quips, anti-cavity, toothpaste, and mint or watermelon. You get all the ingredients teeth actually need and none they don't delivered like right to my door. Yep. quip, brush head, toothpaste, and floss refills are automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule every three months for just five dollars each.

A friendly reminder, when it's time to refresh and stay committed to your oral health, and shipping is free. So I can make better oral hygiene, my quarantine goal, that can be my thing, you sure can, and if you go to get quip.com slash awful right now, you get your first refill for free. That's your first refill free at get quip.com slash awful. That's g-e-t-q-u-i-p.com slash awful. Quip, the good habits company. Okay. I guess I'm in, but it's too bad though, because I think a lot of people would have loved this ramen book. Sure. Is it? Is it just these four pages though?

Or is it? There aren't that many flavors. Okay, there's a, like, a few. That's it. Okay. So you're a new counselor, huh? Yeah. Okay. Whatever. But just know I've got some pretty dark stuff going on in my life. So I don't care what you think. Oh, what kind of dark stuff? Trust me, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad stuff. Oh come on man, you can tell us. Yeah, I mean my stepfather's physically abusive to the point where I have PTSD. Oh wow, you do? Yeah. Yeah, and it's gonna be revealed that my father literally left me on an island to die as a child.

So shit. Wow. Seriously? Well, I mean, look, we're here because we witnessed a murder and our lives are in danger because of that. They are? I mean, more than the usual amount of danger from living in a violence heavy, impoverished area, which to be clear is incredibly dangerous.

Yeah, just every day. Yeah, so even the water is dangerous. So what's your story? Oh, my sister died. Oh, man, that's the murder, right? She got murdered. Oh, like chopped up. No, no, just a car crash.

Oh, what's, um, yeah, it's unfortunate. It is. It's not just that though. It's not I have, but yeah, yeah, what else? Also, also her friend, my sister, my dad sister, has a friend who will not fuck me. Ooh, is that that's bad. That's bad. Right?

Yeah, so, you know, just watch out. Sure. Mean. We'll do. Yup. It will be politically divisive to say that my life matters in 20 years. We're talking about me right now. Okay.

Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Okay. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna open up on Jeremy, almost catching Grady beat off to a sports illustrated. Again, what was caught from this movie that this stayed? Grady as a character has done nothing except introduce information. And now it would,

I, it's like if in one episode of Shining Time Station, Schema was just yanking it to child porn when they walked in. And they were just like, whoa, Schema. And he was like, here's a nickel. Go away. Okay, let's not just smurge masturbating to the sports illustrated swimsuit issue as a thing. That's what a lot of this was. First of all, this was not the swimsuit issue as a thing. That's what a lot. This was first while this was not the swimsuit issue. Um, it was just sports illustrated, but still and no shame in that either, but what the fuck was it doing in this Christian move? That's, that's a classic 1990 thing for people to do.

Oh, I remember one or two years theme song started playing in my head and I got on a nostalgic like I don't mean a man. Gosh, I wish I could just go back and show little baby Eli who just had those sports illustrated issues. How much porn there is now. Yeah, right. He'd die. He'd die. Give him something to look forward to.

Would have made the depression a little easier to handle young and the younger days All right, so now Jeremy goes so he I guess got The comic reliefy guy from way back when in the Fisher hat That guy is supposed to go watch his kids for the night so that he can go have a surprised date with Trisha that she is unaware of and it has not consented to. Yeah, I'm pretty sure a surprise date is just called assault these days, but back in the Christian movie of the 1990s, it was a surprise thing.

Jesus holy fuck was this uncomfortable. He shows up, he hands her flowers. She's clearly not interested. He starts rubbing our shoulders. She flowers, she's clearly not interested. He starts rubbing our shoulders. She tells him she's not interested. And he says, are you sure? Cause your eyes seem to be giving me a different message entirely. Yeah.

He says, you're a tease. And I wrote, you know what? This character was unlikable and racist, but he wasn't rapy. And now this movie has fixed that. Yeah. Jesus. But we discover what her real problem with him is, right? It's not that she's just not interested. It's the he's been reading philosophy books instead of the pie.

You son of a bitch, you changed the philosophy instead of the Bible. Also you're sexually assaulting me, but mostly it's the philosophy thing. Like fucking Christianity, I guess, is book monogamy. I don't know. She says you're using philosophy as a crutch and he's like, you use the Bible as a crutch and she's like, yeah, the Bible is a great crutch because it always works. Should we pause the movie and think about what we just said. So yeah, but she could not be clearer about the fact that she has no romantic interest in them. Because philosophy thing.

Well, yeah, classic Romeo and Juliet story. It's the ancient Israeli theist and German nihilist. They just can't get along. Yeah, right. Yeah, so she sends him back to the cabin. He gets there and All the kids just got back from the front lines of were done Apparently, right? He steps in and all the kids are in the middle of like PTSD flashbacks and shit. Yep. The little kid is like Rolling back and forth on his bunk screaming and he's like he wakes him up and he's like, oh It's just dreaming about my stepdad and he's like does he hurt you? I don't want it to get to be like no no I scream his name in my sleep because of how awesome he is I was dreaming about our our last water fight. It's awesome.

Which Jeremy replies to by being like, oh, you wanna call the cops? Cause they'll come and kill you for holding a TV remote. And then you're straight back. Yeah, I can't hit you anymore, huh? That's right. No, oh yeah, no, they'll punish him for like three or four weeks and then send him back to you.

Yeah. Right, no. And so he realizes this. But. And so, you know, he realizes this, but then we have the moment where like he realizes that Nietzsche can never do for him what Jesus does. So he like walks out onto the porch of his cabin and throws out his philosophy book like an alcoholic pouring that last glass down the drain. I really wanted a kid at the camp to just pick up that book of philosophy and be like, oh, okay, cool. He's dead, huh?

No, no, no, no, no, I was just doing a dramatic throwaway thing that is not. Don't, don't read that. Don't stop. He's alive. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. And also, so he throws that out. life he's God's not dead. He was never oh, it's gone. He's gone.

And also so he throws that out and he's like, she, I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I just learned that one of these kids I'm taking care of has an abusive dad and I've already gotten over that and gone back to my problems of Trish, not wanting to fuck me. And then a fishing hat kid. Yeah. Who is sitting outside is like, oh, I'm actually also physically abused, but let me know if I can help you out with that Trish thing. Ha ha ha.

I was just waiting on this bench in case something like this happened to somebody else. Cool. Yeah, like this entire movie is just people with bigger problems than him helping him with his problems. Yep. All right. So now we cut to the next day.

He's getting in trouble. Did anyone catch what he was getting in trouble for? Yeah. I guess the kids were like destroyed the bunk when he left them with fishing hat guy, but, but the counselor like the head of the camp is very clear. He's like, yeah, you know, those kids, they destroyed their bunk and you were in charge of watching them. This is entirely your fault because they're here as a substitute for a prison sentence, but we're going to punish them instead of you because you know, right, right. Yeah. I mean I mean, they like whittled the bomb. That's not really

I don't know. It's just to go with. Okay. They can produce weapons out of their anuses in a I'm astonishing rate. But then the counselor adds, he's like, yeah, so I'm not going to send the kids to jail. I'm just going to, you know, ask you to make sure they're away from us from now on. That'd be great. Can you just get them out of our white area? Yeah. Right. Well, he says at one point, like, he's like, you know, I want to punish you and I want to

punish these kids, but you've reached these kids in a way that no one else could. And I'm like, what are you even talking about? Right? Are you the only one that can refrain from screaming racial epithets at them when they walk by? Except when you did those few times, but like most of the time, yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Most of the time I see here on our telly sheet, you've only used the word octagon three times this summer. So yes, you're their dad now. I'm going to get eight. And what's great is this counselor keeps going back and forth. He's like, I should fire you, but I won't. I should kick those kids out of camp, but

I won't. I will do that. I wanted the kid to leave and for him to just be like, good job not doing anything today. Steve, good job. A lot of stuff you should have done that you did. Well done. So yeah, but the eventual resolution is that everybody can stay, but they have to get the black people the hell away from the white people. So they have to go out in the woods and actually go camping camping for a couple of days, right? Yeah. And so Jeremy goes out and tells the kids, Hey, you know, we won't get trouble if we all go camping. And one kid says, Hey, that's great, guys, because I just bought this enormous peg of weed somehow. And we'll be able to smoke it. The one kid pulls out

this like four and a half ounces of weed. And he's like, no, this is actually going to work out well for us. Oh, I mean, to be fair, it's 1990s weed, which is slightly stronger than 1970s. But it's going to take a while for them to get through all that weed and actually feel it. All right. That's the one of us who has smoking weed in the 1990s. I can say that's not necessarily. I don't believe that.

Yeah. So, okay. So they go out to camp and fucking, this is the part where like Jeremy tries to take Ralph's switchblade away and then fights the children. Yeah. So, okay, throughout this movie, Jeremy has been walking up to armed gang members and being like, give me the switchblade, give me the chain, give me the nunchuck. This is the one time at which these children are like,

actually, I have a weapon. No. Yeah. Right. We actually brought you out here to possibly murder you. So not gonna hand you the knife. Well, there's this amazing moment where he seems to realize that, right? He's like, all right, now it's just the five you kids

who have been trying to murder me since the moment we met and Switchblade. Ha ha, you know what? Okay, I'm getting it. All right. Did you guys bring my drugs by any chance? Yeah, right. Oh, and then of course he's like, he decides the best thing to do to like convince the kid with the switchblade to give it to him is to fight that kid. Right. So he physically associate the kids whip his ass instantly.

I had to stop the movie. I was laughing so hard because he instantly loses this fight to these kids. Do you think maybe he's going to like have this confrontation and prove himself to these kids? No, they give him an atomic wedge and he shits himself within a quarter of a second. Yep, they hold a knife to his throat and they're like, you're alive because we're nice. That's it. That's the only reason they're like, oh, okay. So and that's it. By the way, that's the end of that scene. We cut to that night and Jeremy trying another heart to heart with Ralph, right?

Which again means they held the knife to his throat and they were like, be aware that we could have murdered you. And he was like, okay, let's continue over to Indian rock. We have a thing. I'm not going to lie. My heart's not really in this swimming based trip anymore, but my work is my bond. Let's go. And then he goes over to Ralph and he's like, hey, buddy, thanks for not killing me, I guess. What you thinking about. Yes. Yeah, so it's time for Ralph to tell us this deep, dark backstory of why he's afraid to swim. It turns

out when he was a kid. His dad took him out on a little boat, dropped him on an island and then left to go get some cigarettes. This pretty sad fucking story, right? The kid was left on an island to die, tried to swim back, didn't quite make it, was rescued by a stranger and then became a ward of the state. Yeah. And Jeremy tries to twist this instant, his thing with his sister, he's like, yeah, yeah, my sister died in an unfortunate accident. Ty.

So that's Ty. I get it. We both had things happen that were stabbing me. You're stabbing me. Okay. That's fair. You know what? You know what?

To be fair. I believe that. And there also is this great moment where Georgia, whatever the kid's name is, is like, yeah man, I mean, where was God with my father abandoned me on an island to die? And he's like, oh, he was there. He was just sort of... He was one traffic, probably he was a traffic headed. Honestly, absentee drunk dead, That's God if we're being honest

Jesus went out to get cigarettes And he did say he would be right back Boy didn't So yeah, and so he's like hey man God was right there with you the whole time that you were almost drowning and terrified as a child and, and, you know, had no hope. And he's like, man, come on. This is the same guy that killed your sister that you're talking me. Yeah. That's so. Okay, then I know I was just trying to make something up. Let's pray for the problem of evil to go away. Let's see how I'm going. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, so they pray together. Ralph prays for a better life. Jeremy asked Jesus to forgive him for being such a whiny little bitch this whole movie. And then I guess Ralph doesn't have to be scared anymore, right? The Christianity has solved his psychological trauma for him now but you can see you can see the two actors being like

so those are the last lines in the scene which means mhm they worked and ralf is like oh um weird okay it's yeah so the next morning now we should point out that like several times of this movie, people have referenced how jumping off of Indian rock is a true test of your

bravery and it's super scary and whatever. So that's where we're going to open up the next scene. It's the following morning and they're on Indian rock and Ralph, who has been terrified to go in the water up to this point, is ready to dive in, which is not a very good idea. If you don't know how to fucking, you know, start low. You don't start with the jumping off of the giant goddamn rock into the water to find out if you can swim. You know what? I want to be Christian.

Why don't you guys maroon me on an island? And I'm over one on that, but like, I don't know. So, but the leader kid shows up. The gang leader kid shows up and says, damn it Ralph, this is obviously representative of a leap of faith and a baptism. It's gonna, it's gonna fuck the whole thing up if you do this the whole gang. It's our title, Jeronimo, you yelled around Indian rock, but native of next time, yeah,

I'm worth keeping it, but it's pretty sweet. Ty and he gives him the like, I'm going to need your badge and gun. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Also just so you know, Ralph, your PTO does not roll over. So like, you know, that you've given your notice, you can't take any paid time off. That's part of the introductory packet you got from HR at the gang. They tell him if he does his leap of faith into Christianity, he has to have his tattoo

burned off. That'll come back. But also then he jumps into the fucking water with his goddamn shoes on. Yep. No, it didn't. Don't it. He heard his feet on the pebbles earlier and he knew he was going to have to walk over some pebbles to get back out.

I see. I see. All right. That makes sense. Yeah. So then, you know, he swims and he's Christian now or whatever. And then we have a scene of the kids burning off his tattoo. So apparently Jeremy was like, oh, is this kind of torture?

Just this is custom. Oh, it's customary. Okay. And then we have a scene of the kids burning off his tattoo. So apparently Jeremy was like, oh, is this kind of torture just this is custom, oh, it's customary, okay. Well, I guess you literally, torture him. Burn it up, can I just tattoo over it? Nope, the gang one, just have a square,

square of tattooing. No, you guys doing a torture thing? All right, I'll wait outside, but let me know when the torture is over. I, I've already done my job. Yep, exactly. He's Christian now. If you kill him now, he gets to go to heaven.

All right, so now, so that's it. They're leaving camp now. We learned that the little dude whose dad was abusive is in custody, so that problem solved. Good thing there was a white person there to save your him. Yeah. Thank you. Nobody ever thought of calling the police on that abusive dad before now. So yeah. And then we get Jeremy saying goodbye to the gang kids as they're getting back in the van from the Department of Corrections one by one. They're walking past them. He's like, all right, Great job having weapons and bombs and one of you being a Christian now. Excellent,

excellent later Ralph. Give a skin graft as soon as you can. That makes crazy. They burned your arm off. And it literally, again, he literally does not get to do his fond goodbye with this kid because they're like, hey, you treated us like shit. This entire summer, you vicious, vicious racist. And he's like, hey, you treated us like shit this entire summer. You vicious, vicious, racist. And he's like, well, I just want you to know, slam, they literally slam the car in his face. Yes. And by the way, right before all of this fucking Grady walks up. And he's like, hey, you know, I was supposed to be the bad guy character and we never really fleshed that out. I'm sorry that we never fleshed that out.

Grady does the movie equivalent of the person who signed in your book like even though we weren't close. I always thought we were great friends. You're not fucking you know your name. Stay in touch. Have a great summer. All right. So now for just a second, some different narrator tags in to talk about over policing. Right. And it turns out, I guess, that Jeremy is watching a TV show about the plight of inner city juveniles, delinquents or whatever. And we eventually learned that, but for, for at least two solid minutes, we're just watching some other movie with a different

narrator. And he then takes over his narrator. I really want to hear like a scuffle in the booth. Like, one out of 100, hey, get out of here. I'm telling my summer story. No, let me find a spy over it. Get off me. So while I was being attacked by a second narrator, yeah. Yeah. But so, but he watches enough TV to realize that black lives do matter. Also, he's back in church now. He's going to church. And then he goes to go see the kids whose last interaction with him was you hate us. No, I do. Yeah. Well, he starts by saying, you know, I wonder what those kids are doing, probably all dead. No, I'm still praying for him. That just felt easier than doing something, you know, just I'm

praying. That was show where he actually says that in the movie. Yeah, yeah. And that's the end of it. That was like the end of that scene, end of thought. Like I'm praying for him though. I don't know, maybe they're dead praying though. And then the movie is like, oh, yeah, that felt evil. Okay. Well, what if he goes and visits them once?

Yeah, they could spend an afternoon hanging out. Well, okay, so that's the thing is that we then see them go into the city to hang out with the kids and they're all suddenly friends, the kids that slam the door in a space, the last time we saw them interact. Right, so we, a big chunk of character arc happened off screen, apparently they all like him now. Apparently there was a pen pal situation where they got close. I guess, yeah, we have this fucking best friends montage

I do want to say to by the way because he brings Trisha with them and at one point they're all playing football together Trisha's catching that football game is the best goddamn sports and we've seen since the backflip in war room Oh, I really wanted a Trisha to stiff arm the kid like because they're playing tag. I want to. Truck them like Marshall. They also do a thing where they like they're having their friendship montage and they go to Wendy's and Duncan Donuts, which I thought was weird placement, but as they were coming out of the Wendy's, I really wanted one of them to be like, just see that guy sleeping the drive through. I hope he's okay. But yeah, so we get that montage.

They're all going to Wendy's together. And now the only white powder they need is snowballs for snowball fights. And everyone lived happily ever after, except, you know, whatever four of those five kids that were shot by the police by the time they reached 27, but they're not, they're not Christian. They just like hung out for an not, they're not Christian.

They just like hung out for an afternoon, the end. Yep. That's it. Yeah, so look, is there a moral to this story that isn't to hate crime? Oh no. All souls matter. Yeah.

Yeah. Confusing. Yeah, it's a hate crime. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of Geronim. But that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still have more voodet days. So Eli, tell us what's on deck transformed.

It is a 2005 Christian anti drug Kung Fu movie. Oh, wow. All right. All right. Boy, I was sure there was going to be transphobia in it. Okay. Christian anti-drug Kung Fu movie. Oh, wow. All right.

All right. Boy, I was sure there was gonna be transphobia in it. Okay, all right. No, that's better than I was expecting. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring up episode 255 to a merciful clothes. Once I get a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go up.

You'd like to get yourself among their ranks. You can make a prepset donation to patreon.com. So I've got off one there by your early access to an ad reversion of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows the skating aides citation need a D&D minus and the skeptic crowd available

wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, you can email Godoff on movies gmail.com, legal services for this podcast, promote up a little off as it's a P. Ed. Retourist, Tim Robinson handles our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slant, and it could be able to wrap some Mars, although the music was written performed by our R.D. and she and Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen, right, Neely, and I'm No Luzon's Promise in the Work Hard

to earn No Luzon next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. America finally decided to start defunding the white man's burden in 2020. Bitter, though. Trisha and Jeremy eventually got married. She remains not that into him. Jeremy voted for Trump in 2016

and keeps yelling this story at his niece when she blocks him on Facebook. How about I totally started recording and then I remembered that we normally count that down. So then I said recording it. And I almost said recording in 3, 2, 1, you know, because like it didn't matter at that point, but I still felt like I should keep the facade. Anyway. But then the gun's got to you. Yeah, I don't want to be good. Well, because Morgan's going to know one way or the other. And and so like Morgan's going to be sitting there going like, oh, he's kind of mother fucker that would just sit there lying there. there goddamn faces. So now I need Morgan to know that I'm an honest enough broker that I

would tell you guys about it. I need time to heal from this. I'm rattled. Well my air conditioner is off so go fuck yourself. He'll quick. I mean, to be fair, I had no idea what the fuck. They always talked at once every time they got all of them were talking. It's true, but there were also a couple of times where just one of them was like, still said that. You cheeky bastard. But I think a lot of it too, though, and I think this is true, is because the kids got away with saying so much terrible shit that I don't think the director understood so the fucking the

chick had to be like I say check it with whoever did the cause of this skit but whoever did the close captioning had to sit there and go like all right do I do I write snort cocaine and the close captioning for this Christian movie. Okay. Um, so that's okay. All right. Interest issue one. Who knew that the ramen thing would last this long? I didn't think it would have this kind of legs. I knew. It doesn't. Disagree.

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