God Awful Movies - 258: Down to Earth, Episode 2: France

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

On this week’s episode: Eli and Heath team up with veteran guest masochist Jonathan Jarry for a skeptical review of Zac Efron's pseudoscience Netflix series, Down to Earth. We watched episode 2, entitled "France." --------------------- You can find Jonathan on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/crackedscience His podcast is The Body of Evidence: http://bodyofevidence.ca/podcast All of his science work is accessible here: https://jonathanjarry.com --------------------- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

She goes, yeah, we have a sparkling fountain because flat water is so boring. I mean, it's flat, it's boring, nothing happens. So we made a sparkling fountain and we have champagne, found this well for, for example, that's croissant, dropping from the sky using drops. I mean, it's a bare minimum for France, so what do you guys have in America? For a year and a half, the kind of VPA was a guy who'd spend his life trying to eliminate it? Ha ha ha ha! Not awful! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Eli Bosnick Eli welcome back. Thanks, Heath. You know who's a great thought leader?

Who's that? Star of high school musical Zach Efron. Zachary Efron. Want to hear more of his opinions. Yep. We're gonna whether we like it or not and sitting somewhere to the north of a line. I'm legally not allowed to cross because I live in a shithole country is veteran guest, masked, professional science communicator award winning skeptical podcaster and guy who insisted on being introduced as the man who continues to replace Noah. Jonathan Jerry

is here. Double J welcome back. Hey, thank you guys for having me back. Yeah, I mean, I each time I'm on the show, Noah isn't here. I just suspect that your listeners will think that this is like a jekyll and hide situation that like I'm this like scientist, but then when I do cannabis, I turn it to Noah. That is not the case. It's not what's happening. Maybe one day, maybe one day we'll be on the same show at QED. I never saw you in the same room. Oh, there's only one way to find out which is blow pot smoke in Jonathan's face if you ever see him. Hi, drugs in his desk at his university.

God, that's how Noah Morphs, we all know that. So tell us Jonathan, what are we going to be breaking down today? We watched the goop Lab testosterone edition, better known as Nail to Earth with Zach Efron. Yeah, and it's a new travelogue mini series on Netflix that promises to explore environmental solutions and exotic fruits of cure cancer and equal measures. They keep their promises. Yeah, they do. We specifically watched episode two, France to make sure Eli could annoy us with this horrible French accent. Yes, I can.

Don't remind him about stuff. And Eli, how bad was this movie in an American accent? Well, if you love Goop, but it's all a little too science based and heady for you, you will love this movie. It's like the ums on the Joe Rogan podcast got together and made a travelogue. That's this movie. I'm gonna show. And is there anything you guys like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, so just to sort of lay out the playing field here, so everyone understands what the fuck is going on. I was going to go with best worst reason to make a TV show. Now, look, Goop is a business, right?

It's an evil, bad business, but I understand why it resulted in a TV show. Down to earth is just Zach Efron has a stupid friend. The show. This is like it. All of a sudden Netflix made four episodes about your cousin who fell for an MLM. Why is this television? What happened? And the friend is the worst. I hate him. So goddamn much. His name is Darren and I I'm furious every time I see him. He's the worst. He's the worst starting at his name. Yep. Starting at being named Darren. D-A-R-I-N-Darrin. Fuck you. God. By the way, by the way, you may think he's California. He's actually from Minnesota. Oh, wow. Okay. I made a more, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, I'm gonna go with best best actually best best

cameo from Anna Kendrick. Hell yeah, she is fucking amazing. She just she just spends her entire time. Passively aggressively roasting their stupid fucking shell and they don't know it. It's the best. We'll get to it in a second. She's in like one of the first couple scenes. Yeah. Yeah. For me, it's, it's being the TV version of that eco-friendly vegan food store you like to go to because they have really cool stuff. But then you see that they sell homeopathic Arnica and you're like, oh, that's a shame. Yeah. Don't dilute the Arnica. And then you tear their backsposter and you have to stop going there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You're talking about gentlemen.

All right. Well, apparently we're going to learn about France and medical science from the star of high school musical. So I'm going to need a minute to consume a few substances that Zach Efron isn't allowed to anymore.. Yep carbs Then we'll be back to tell you all about down to earth episode two France Hello, mr. Netflix. Oh hi, Zach. Come on in also. I'm not mr. and Netflix. I'm also here, bro. Me too. Oh

Hello, you must be Zack's father. Ha, he wishes. I really do. So look, brah, let me cut straight to the JBJ. We want to make a TV show about shit and stuff. You want to make a TV show about shit and stuff? Shit and stuff. He gets it. Yep, yep. We're gonna go places like do stuff, like shit and stuff. He gets it. Yep, yep. We're gonna go places like do stuff, like shit and stuff.

Zach will pay Obby. But you're gonna pay me back, right? You saying I'm a welcher, bro? No, no, I would never say you're a welcher. I would know, exactly. Right. So Mr. Netflix, what do you think? Honestly, I'm thinking a barely charismatic grifter

has his hooks and a child actor and it would be criminally irresponsible to have anything to do with it. Oh. Hmm. But, you know, what was COVID? I mean, we're just burning through material. So, yeah, you can have eight episodes.

Nice, Bra. Hooray. Let's go celebrate with some drinks on Zach. Yeah, wait, what? And we're back. And the cold open to this one basically says, please do a God awful movies episode about us. Right away, we get church bells and we get Zach Efron walking in slow mo with Kevin fucking sorbo. And I was like, what is happening? Turns out it's actually not Kevin sorbo, but it looks just like it. That was my experience. I was like,

all right, we're doing it. We're doing it. I'm doing, I'm doing the God of movies tomorrow. He looks like Kevin Sorbo's beach body after picture, but not in a good way. Yeah, this guy's rough. That's Darren. We're going to get to him in a second. But we start off somewhere in Europe. Zach Efron says that on the V.O. We're somewhere in Europe. He's not willing to risk being any more specific

than somewhere on that continent. They're in the witness protection program at this point. Yeah. And they're going to meet with Dr. Alessandro Dei Francici's. Yeah. So, I mean, this whole scene is amazing because one of the producers asked them to keep quiet because they're chatting, like just before they're about to go live. And so, the producers are asking to keep quiet for a second so we can check the levels on Zach's mic. And Alessandro, he just loses it. You are a strongzo.

You are strongzo. I was telling a story unique in the world and you interrupt me with your micro funny and your camera. Do you even know who I am? I am a former politician from Italy who was condemned by a court of auditors to pay the equivalent of $15,000 for tax of damage in the context of a bankruptcy. It's very complicated. It is only available in Italian and you have to use a Google translate to understand that

is walking out of the room. He gets so fucking angry. It's amazing. There's such assholes, so I get it. But yeah, he's like, I'm Alexander the fucking Francis. He says, how dare you? And he is the head doctor at the number one spiritual healing shrine in the world. That's where we are apparently. They have rankings of that.

This is the number one healing shrine. And what a tease, by the way, because they won't come back to this guy again until the end of the episode. They just show him freaking out like Christian bail on a guy trying to hang up some self equipment. And then we have to wait 40 more minutes until this guy hauls out his binder of lies. It's such a teeth. They try to figure this out while they apologized to the doctor off camera about Zach asking about where to buy cocaine, they cut away to their intro. So they're in Paris. That's the somewhere in Europe. Paris France. And Zach says, we came to the culinary capital of the world to

study water. I feel like the the verb study is doing a lot of lifting here. Yeah, I gave him a lot of extra credit there. They're going to talk about water, technically. He says, we came to the culinary capital of the world to learn about the most important food. Water, fuck, that's the only one that is it. Oh, okay. Zach says in voiceover, our bodies are between 50 and 65% water.

Now, remember that range because it will be contradicted in about a few minutes. Right away. Right the fuck away. They'll say a different number. Yeah. Also, seems like a wide margin, like an I 65% water and someone thinner is 50. You are way more mango than water. Way more mango nectar than water. Yeah. It's true. Most certainly. Yeah, and so Darren Sorbo tells Zach there's some real science all that stuff that I have distorted and taken out a context and poorly cobbled together in my book that this show is about to plug. And I mean, you know, I mean, I don't know who drew the molecules during the explanation about water

in oxygen. It's a little like infographie that pops up, but H2O is represented as one big ball with two smaller balls attached to it. It's fine. And O2, the oxygen molecule, which is literally two identical atoms of oxygen bound together. It's one big ball attached to one small ball. So in a nutshell, this pseudo-scientific illustration is a summary of what we're about to watch. It's that big oxygen conspiracy, sneak test. It's eating, it's twin in the womb. It's like trying energy from the other oxygen atom. Yeah, but they're basically saying like, okay, we all know that water has hydrogen and oxygen,

but does it have magic? And this is one of many times where the movie asks itself a question and Zac Efron asks himself on the Vio question and then he's like, great question. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's an actor. I was in like 14 going on 40 or whatever.

And now, I don't know. Oh, now I grew a beard. I sure hope no one puts me on TV. I cut to Darren. Cut to Darren. So yeah, he's pretty, right? Yeah. So now we now we meet Darren officially.

This is the guy I thought was Kevin Sorbo. He is a guru of healthy living and super foods. He's a guru of each of those things separately. There's a choice, quote, from the credit sequence that you're talking about where he says, that's mother earth, brah. Like that's all you need to know about the show. That's a tagline. Absolutely. Sums it right up. So they say guru of healthy living and super foods. And then they cut to a shot of Darren holding a comically oversized piece of fruit like a giant giant prickly pear or something like the size of his body. So

Zach Efron clearly thinks superfood means like really big food. They're going to a county pair. Oh my God, it's a super pumpkin. Yep. So then they explain the show, they're traveling the world to look for really big fruit and healthy living. So Jonathan, can you tell us a little about this guy, Darren, aside from the fact that he looks like a surfing instructor

whose divorce talked him out of his job. Yeah, actually his divorce, but he is so sorry. So his name is Darren O'olean and he wrote a book called Super Life, which, which Zach points out in every opening credit. Like, you could say he wrote the book about this literally and then there's a shot of the cover. And I would invite listeners to read from the generous sample of the book that is available for free on Amazon. And you will see that this whole show is like a bait and switch for him, because he appears relatively level headed on TV. And I do say relatively compared to Zach. No, compared to the book because in his book, oh my God, the garbage, the nonsense,

there's just so much of it. Oh, God. But you guys know what would have been like a more honest intro to this TV show? Hi, I'm Zach Efron. You may remember me from Dirty Grandpa, Baywatch, and your teenage daughter's bedroom wall. I was looking for meaning in my life and I saw that all of my co-stars had shacked up with their own personal gurus. So when I saw a guy selling pukashell necklaces in the parking lot of the whole foods on Ventura

Boulevard and in Sino, I thought, if Netflix has enough cash flow to finance a Gwyneth Paltrow documentary about psychics, I'm sure they'll pay for me and the pukashell guy to travel the world in search of Kamukamu. This is down to earth on my knees with my hand to find water with Zach Efron and a guy who says hi to me with a shock of sign and calls me bra. Yep, this is where they drop the title. They're like, all right, we're traveling the world to look for magic and enormous fruit down to earth.

I was going to say the irony of this show being called down to earth is almost too much. It might as well be called still relevant and talking to our stepkids. I would actually watch an alternate version of the show called down to the better angels of our nature with Zach Efron and Stephen Pinker. They don't travel the world, but they go to Flint and they go to Minneapolis and Pinker tells Zach that things he was just so much better than they were a hundred years ago. You want to read my Harper letter? No. They definitely pitched that show and started making it. They landed on this. This was the better thing they landed on. So yeah, they're about to leave for France, but first, they're going to

stop at a French restaurant in Los Angeles, basically just so they can drag Anna Kendrick into doing a cameo and tasting a flight of waters with them or something stupid like that. Now I wrote that down as a joke. I was like, oh, they're talking about water. They're going to fancy restaurant. They're going to have like a flight of waters with them or something stupid like that. Now, I wrote that down as a joke. I was like, oh, they're talking about water. They're going to fancy restaurant. They're going to have like a flight of water and then cut to them, flight of water from literally America's first water Somalia. Yeah. And so, and Anna is pitch perfect because clearly she got dragged there by Zagin. She probably told her that he wasn't a spiritual quest and he'd nailed a Netflix series.

And he just wanted her to taste some water on camera and they taste different ones. And Anna to her credit goes, you know, I bet they're all the same. And this is an episode about the power of suggestion. And if that's the case, well, I got my face, I guess, which is so nice. That's such a nice way to say, this is bullshit. I recognize this is bullshit, but we're on TV and you'll cry. And you're all so dumb that you won't get what I just said. So you won't cry, but I still said it. So there you go. Yeah. So good. And so this is a

melee explains the like, you never touch his purified water. It's all about the minerals, the naturally occurring amazing minerals in water. And then he says that water looks for minerals and pulls them out of your body. If it's purified, the water doesn't have any minerals, so it seeks them out and steals them from you. But it's still in your your body. So the minerals move, I guess, I don't know, is that what happens, John? Is this the water steal your fucking minerals? So this is the part that pisses me off, okay, because the the the sommelier Martin from Germany, he argues that the more crap there is in your water, the better it is for your health. And he says purified water, don't drink it. Now, Darren, the guru, he's there. He's sitting

through this whole thing. He's nodding along. He's an executive producer on the show. In his book, Darren argues for the exact opposite. He claims that water with too many solids is bad for you because it can't enter your cells. Quote, what does that, yeah, quote, what does that leave us distilled water? That in my view, you're right, is the same way to go. The only truly clean water. It's almost like it doesn't matter what garbage you sell, even

if it's contradictory. You can be friends with people like that because you're both outside the mainstream trying to sell your wares to gullible people. Okay. So he pictures water with minerals like slamming into the cell wall and just being like to find is not quite too horrible enough for me. Yeah, no, he's got a water distillation apparatus at his home so they can drink distilled water. Fantastic. But let's talk about the Somalia, okay, Martin Driesa. Let's please. Yes. Yeah,, the Filaming Yolk Pels Ferry Val with this Evyan 1983. Would you like to sniff the cork? But honestly, I mean, this guy understands gigging, okay?

He found a niche that nobody was occupying, and he nailed it. He was like, I'm going to be the water guy. And he's been a national geographic. He's been in men's health, the Atlantic, and on the bill. Bill Nysaves the world on Netflix, where he refuses to drink one water claiming that it's not natural because it comes from a factory. Now I have, yeah, not making this up. You can check this out.

One of those hydrogen and oxygen factories, yes, just slamming that shit together, Willie Nilly. So I have a quick quiz for the two of you. Are you guys ready? Oh, I'm ready. Let's do it. So Matt and Lisa is the co-director of the Fine Water Academy, where you too can train to be a water sommelier.

I need to die. Or be signed up. Or be signed up. Can't be in this world anymore. My question is, how much does it cost to take the one to three month course? Oh, we're doing prices right now. Wow. Okay. No, absolute value, absolute value.

Okay. $12,000. $12,000. $2200. Oh! Wow. Okay. So that sounds like a deal. That sounds so much more fun.

Second question. In a video on Martin's website, he shows a bottle of what kind of water that is bound to become more expensive as global warming progresses. Ice. It's glacier water. Ice. Ice burg water. Oh, it's ice burg water.

Yeah, like it. And finally, Martin has created what kind of product that the rest of the show will be dedicated to trashing. Water, cup, deuterium. Bottleed water. Extra points if you can give me the name of his brand. Rain, synthesis. Beverly Hills 90820.

There it is. Fuck you. I'm so jealous. That's a really good title. They make a leader, a leader of bottle water that costs $100,000. What? Yeah, it's the diamond edition of the luxury collection of Beverly Hills 90820. The water has calcium, potassium, and silica in it. The bottle cap is made of white gold with 14-parad white and black diamonds. Now, did this guy find a niche in the world or not?

He nailed it, man. He nailed it. Oh, Patreon. Patreon.com. For a billionaire money. We will buy the $100,000 bottle of water for Marsh and send it to him. As a prank. Maybe just solve something in it to make the That's a prank. I need to solve something in it.

Think of the homiopathy that you could make. Yeah. Wow. There's so much money that you could make out of that water. That's amazing. Seriously, we got to sign up for that, for that water, smelier course with him and Oh no, Ross and carry them. That's fantastic.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. So on the show, Martin says, when you think over 70% of your body is actually water, it's like, wait a second. That's not what we heard in the voiceover that was recorded presumably after you guys did the thing with Martin and Los Angeles. Wow. Okay.

Well, that guy is doing the water flights with them. He explains that water has TDS, that's a stat of fancy water, total dissolved solids. And then he starts pouring them different ones. He starts with what he calls the olive oil of water. That sounds so bad. It sounds terrible, yes. If I were trying to just sway someone from drinking a water, I'd be like, this is the olive oil water.

This one's oily, enjoy. Yeah, this one's got 1,300 TDS units. Great mouth feel, I could say like that in your mouth. It really coats the inside of your mouth. OK, but Zach Efron tries to say something like that, but he's a fucking idiot. And he's inconsolably high for this whole scene. He's got this. He's a man of his face for this whole scene.

He tries to say something here and he goes, water has a watery flavor. I've never, I've never touched cannabis in my life. And so when I saw him and that scene, I was like, oh, I guess he was just like working late or something and he's just tired. He thought Zach F. Run was really hitting the books, Jonathan. Oh, so then they do some Spanish water, which Zach describes as it's like drinking pebbles.

So it is more unpleasant than the olive oil water. They are finding worse ways. It leaves like a granular residue in your mouth. That's good, I guess. And a Kendrick says that. She's like, I can feel the water sticking to the roof of my mouth. This is fucking stupid. Just checking her watch.

She's like, I gave it guys. I gave you like 30 minutes and we're like, it's 25 minutes now. So I'm gonna have to leave very soon. And they finish the tasting with a Slovenian water. Now look, yeah. I don't want to insult our Slovenian brothers and sisters, but no one's ever been like, if you want the good stuff, you've got to go to Slovenia.

But apparently it's illegal in the US. So how did he smuggle it in? Yeah, he had to smuggle this water and it doesn't go through your cell walls, so you got to just keep it outside in a bottle or whatever. That bottle was keystert, is what word? Yeah. This water is street illegal in America.

Yeah. And Zachary Front looks the water, they board the bagels, what's in there, though? There's something. That's it. That's it. That's what Zac Efron thought of to say while he was looking at water. And I think Darren says it tastes like there's a coin in there. Yep. And Martin's like, that's how you know it's vuking. Yeah, this water tasting just for the record is olive oil, pebbles, and penny water. Yep. Oh my God, this guy is every boyfriend of my wife's friends.

I've ever been stuck with at a party because we're both male. Yeah, he just discovered this new thing that no one knows about. He quit his job to found a startup and you could be one of the lucky few on the ground floor of this investment. Just trust me. Shaka. Jonathan Jerry also knows my wife's friends. There we go. We found everyone.

And this is where the sommelier says, I'm not even going to tell you the TDS of this water. It's too high for you to comprehend. You couldn't handle it. Okay. Okay. It's 7,400. It's 7,400. It's the number. And then he says, this is not for hydration. This is medicine. Yeah. Because it has magnesium in it, which is a medicine. Is that a medicine? No, I mean, he keeps bringing up this concept of healing water,

of like functional water that's practically medicine. And if you go on the site of his Water Simele Association, they mentioned curative water. So part of this stick, if you'll part of my German, is to indeed promote medicinal water, which is not a thing. Oh wow. So rough.

And this is where they contradict themselves, where some of the guys like, oh, and by the way, over 70% of your body is water. And they're like, we just moments ago, so different. No, no, no, no, no. Our range was pretty big. Like you could have hit anything in between that,

but you had to go over. Damn. Yeah. And then of course he finishes with this little column response thing with Anna Kendrick. He's like, so tell me, do you think water is good? And she's like, yep, water is good. Do you think water has value?

She's like, what? And then she's like, do I think you're full of shit? Yes, hard cut. Hard cut. Like, like, like, doon, yeah, I guess water has value economically. That's weird, but I'm pretty sure your jobs made up bullshit.

Yeah. I was talking to Darren Anne, the familiar that time. Somebody knows and I'm out. We should send her flowers and a big bottle of water. Absolutely. So good. So that was absolutely delightful watching Anna Kendrick shit all over the stupid show without them realizing it. And now they're ready to leave for Paris. But first we're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back to learn all about the amazing hydrogen hydroxide technology of France. Thanks for taking me out to dinner, Heath.

Oh, yeah, no problem. So about that green card marriage. Good evening. Nice. This is going to be so good. Welcome to Mel Oldoront. My name is Eitser and I will be your fat sommelier. This dude is the best, like seriously the best. Oh Mr. N. Wright, it is good to see you again. Hi, I'll...

Sorry, did you say, Fart Somalia? Ah, yes, here at Marelo Doron, we try to enhance the guest experience by controlling evens of Fart's day smell. I am an enthusiastic European, so Americans feel inferior and believe whatever I say. I see. For example, may I interest you in the old lady? Ooh, smells like sick, but in a natural way. Like it's for the best, you know? Yes, she is very close to death.

Yes. Right. Actually, I think I'm... Oh, perhaps you would be interested in movie popcorn, but no dinner. Oh, Jesus. Ooh, that's a good one. There's so much going on in there.

Yes, it's a very different notes. It's a complex part, very naughty. Yeah. Please, please stop farting on us. You know what? You know what? I will leave you with the menu and I will come back. Yeah, okay.

Thanks. Thanks, Hightsill. Sorry about that. No, it is fine. Listen, not everyone understands the way of... Oh. Was that like complimentary? No.

No, I just shit my pants. Okay. So was it free? And we're back. And now we're watching Zac Efron and Darren, whatever the fuck, driving their car into the train that takes the channel from England to France. And they are both terrified and also amazed by this entire concept. They're freaking out. Watching them talk slash think through

the existence of the channel is one of the darkest things we've ever viewed on this vodka, but it's a tunnel underwater. How do the trains breathe? Yep. And Zach realizes there's a tie into the water thing. He's like, it's underwater though. Like water. We talked about that, nailing it. Now, I have to be team Zach briefly here and baby for the entire duration of this episode, because at least he has good intentions and he's just a lost sheep who's being taken advantage of this be real. But Zach seems to have claustrophobia. He's not feeling well. He's in a car inside a train. It's in a tunnel under the sea.

And he's just, he's not taking it well. Now, if the guru that he picked up from that whole food parking lot actually cared about Zach's health and wasn't just tagging along for the free publicity, you would think that he would try to reassure him, get him to listen to calming music, maybe teach him from meditate, progressive muscle. No, he mocks him, right? He does. He reaches for his chest and he goes,

I'm gonna train at a tunnel under the sea and he pretends to be short of breath and he starts laughing, because that's what friends are for, right? Mocking anxiety disorders and people you're meant to be mentoring. Don't miss Darren's therapy tapes on vinyl called, oh no, I hear voices. I'm good crazy.

I think Zach really needed a more appropriate guru for this show, someone with a solid background in psychology, you know, something like down with pronouns with Zach Efron and Jordan BP or something like that. They're in the car and the channel and Zach is panicking and he asked Jordan, is there anything I can do to get rid of the anxiety and Jordan goes? Oh, let me tell you what doesn't help with the anxiety. These bloody postmodern neo-Marxist and their pronouns. Z, Zer, Zach, without the K at the end just made up names straight from the matriarchal world of darkness.

And God, well, God is the ultimate archetype. Now, stay away from cider and benzos. They don't make. You want to, you want to sign my letter? No. No. Get away. No. Go eat some meat. Right. So they finally make it through the channel, though. And they, they're in France. And this is, they're driving from the coast over to Paris. And this is when Darren decides, okay, we need to stop the car, get out in this random field next to a highway and check the pulse of the earth with our bare feet. He goes, he goes, I want to feel the earth. And Zac Efron absolutely thinks he means fuck, right? There's an infinitely. He's like, fuck Zac Efron's exact

response is you mean do push ups? Yeah, he doesn't need to understand a category of people other than actor and personal trainer, but he'll get there. I have faith. Yeah. But Darren's theory here is there's like a way of soaking up the new energy of the new country you're in like like the earth is aware of political boundaries. Yeah, in countries and the energy pulse is different. So you have to like recalibrate yourself and the shoes, fuck it up. So you have to do it with bare feet. Yeah, he just comes across as a pushy foot fetishes. He's just like, take your shoes and suck self and walk through the grass for me.

Zach, I brought, I need this. And Zach, I've brought finally a grace to do it. And immediately he's like, and I stepped in dog shit right away. he agrees to do it. And immediately he's like, and I stepped in dog shit right away. I didn't know that Netflix was dipping a toe in the adult content pool. Gotta make a living. Yep, absolutely. Also, just tiny little moment, but I loved it. For no reason, Darren is like, parkour and just a little move over the little railing next. Oh, he's doing so much old guy stretching, doing that arm bar in front of his chest thing, and the fucking over the shoulder stretch, it's phenomenal.

Yeah. It does the little grinder thing where he puts one hand down and like walks around in a circle, like a compass or something. So good. Uh, pulls out a whistle that he doesn't need to have. It's phenomenal. Yeah.

And this is when Darren says something about circadian rhythms and Zach Efron clearly thought that was like a nonsense word that Darren had just made up on the spot. So he clarifies on the Vio. He's like, yeah, so that sounded like ridiculous nonsense. But no, it's a real thing. So, yeah, it's a real. And apparently, you got to get the electromagnetic connection to the earth. You fix your jet lag by soaking up the electromagnetic field in your new time zone through your bare feet. Is that accurate scientifically, Jonathan? So first off, they were in London,

and now they're in Kalea. That's a whole hour difference. So I don't know, I guess it's gonna take weeks for them to get over that jet lag. Unless they have a foot party, I guess. But yeah, as you pointed out, I love the format of their interaction. Cause Darren says,

touching the earth with your bare feet will reset your circadian rhythm and Zach and voiceover goes turns out and you go what? Is there a good scientific evidence behind grounding? No, he says turns out the circadian rhythm is a real thing. Wow. Thank you Netflix for this educational bit of programming. Can I do a show where I tell Shia LaBuff that sticking a candle up your nose can ward off the coronavirus and he then tells a camera turns out the nose is a real thing. But again, keep in mind how little content they possibly got that they kept. We went through a tunnel isn't that cool and we got out of the car and stretched for a bit. It made it into the show. Yeah, the the editors like guys, he gave me like 35 minutes of footage.

Like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here. Guys, you got into a weird fight with that doctor at the beginning. That was just the whole episode. We're just making shit up now. I don't know. You guys want to have a race in the field. So they have a race. They have a foot race in the field.

And Zach Efron loses and gets kind of mad about it. It's this undo to feel being like, yeah, Darren, Darren won that foot race, but uh, uh, it didn't get some was in my eyes. I was tired. I need a power bar. Oh, yeah. And as though they were challenged by our commentary, now we're going to watch them just fucking chat about whether or not Zach Efron can cry on demand. Yes. Oh my God. Yeah.

They're back in the car. They're driving a Paris and Darren is like, uh, I prefer of nothing. You did not prompt me to ask you about this so that you could show off your acting chops. Can you cry on demand? Zach Efron's like, have you not seen my movies? That's why I get hired as an actor is because my amazing crying. I love that they show one of them faking something on demand

and that person is sitting right next to Zach Efron. But more importantly, he can't. Right, he's like, oh yeah, let me show you. And then he gets like misty eye, little bit. He makes a sad face and he's like there it is crying under man. Yeah He just does the wins for a second and he's like Ta-da and seen let me know if that acting's too powerful for you

I don't know if you saw but I made the frowny face that time That water Samaria and West Hollywood needs to bottle that up and sell it as like tears of Zach. Oh TDS of 600. I'm trying to. They also talk a little bit about what's in the tap water that's bad because they're going to be reviewing tap water in Paris. If it even is water heath because Darren says we seem to have water that comes out of the tap. What do you mean?

It seems like it's water. What do you mean it seems like it's water? What do you think it is? Yeah, that's not part of the conspiracy, if there's a conspiracy. It, like, the tap being the source is not part of the trick. That's weird. No, yeah. Darren also says that some water gets energized by the sun.

Like, the good water is in rivers and the sun touches it. Like tap water doesn't have units of heat in it. I didn't understand that. I mean, look, it's probably the conclusion you come to when you watch Superman returns on ecstasy. Oh, yep. But he does say, you know, he concludes by saying we're drinking this experimental tea

that has all of those unnatural things in it. Now, not true, but I would pay money to see Darren Allian give that presentation to the citizens of Flint, Michigan a few years ago. Trust me, dude, Bras, you do not want tap water. What you want is to buy like a top of the line reverse osmosis machine for your home. Now you'll be missing out on healing electrolytes. So what you want to do is you add hemoleon crystal salt to your water by hand. Why hemoleon salt, you ask?

Because it's mine from ancient sea beds. So it's pure from modern environmental toxins. Again, a big thank you to the city of Flint for paying for my travels and my speaking fee? Thank you. So they finally get to their hotel and they start really take an advantage of Paris by studying the water. Ah, yes, the fine, fine tap water of Perry. As it is always known. Yep. And they meet with deputy mayor of Paris, Celia Blau. And she's fantastic, actually.

She's delightful. At first, she's like kind of humoring them, be nice about it, but then it turns because she realizes what's happening and she hates them. It's pretty great. This poor lady, I feel almost as bad for her as I do for Anna Kendrick because she's a public servant. She's so excited to be on television with the high school musical American boy. And she thinks she's going to get to do a little science talk about how she, her public

works project. And though she gets about four sentences in before she's like, oh, everyone's crazy, but me. But she, she does say because they, the, the mutually kind of hate the idea of bottle water and she goes, you know, I think a bottle of water is the biggest joke I've ever. And I kind of agree, but you know who needs to hear this? The water sommelier who sells water, you had him on your show. We need to get all the people they interviewed together

to fight with each other. Yes. Yeah, it's rough. Also, did she say that they're free water fountain system? They have like this great system where they have free water fountain. So, you know, homeless people can have water. It's a really good thing.

Yeah, which is amazing. Yeah, great. Did she say that it makes a bunch of money somehow? And then they like give the money back to the system. I was confused by that. Does the money? Yeah, the money goes back to the French citizens. I didn't really understand that because of course the two

do's don't want to hear about the economics of public works. I mean, they just want to drink some of that water. And so she's like, oh, I didn't bring a bottle with me. And so Darren's like, it's okay. And she's like, bends down. He just starts drinking straight from the found. He's like, it's okay. It just bends down. He just starts drinking straight from the founds. Like, oh, that's good stuff. He hates it. She's like, oh, that is unsanitary. Don't touch it. When I said bottled water is bad, I did not mean put your lips on a public

concept. Oh, man. Too late. That's too late. Gross. Super gross. And hey, this is where they announced that they did the most French thing ever. Yeah. Which is that it's not just a public works project. They have sparkling public water. Yes. I was so excited about this. This is real. They might as well have cheese fountain sitting around the middle of Paris. She goes, yeah, we have sparkling fountains because flat water is so boring. I mean, it's flat, it's boring. Nothing happens. So we made the sparkling fountains and we have champagne fountain as well for, for example, that's croissant, dropping from the sky using drugs. It's a bad minimum for France. So what do you guys have in America for a year and a half? The kind of the EPA was a guy who'd spend his life trying to eliminate it.

I don't know. Yep. Pretty much. Yep. But Zach Efron must find one of these sparkling water fans. He freaks the fuck out. And in fairness, I did too. I must find one of these.

And then he goes, the sparkling water doesn't come from a spring. He's so excited. It's simply CO2 that's added to the water. And do you know what CO2 is together? Everybody, a chemical that's added to another chemical, oxidane, commonly known as water, because everything is a chemical. So please, when you're talking about toxic substances that have adverse health effects, could you stop calling them chemicals? No. All right, at least I tried.

You did, man. So speaking of science, they're not going to understand. Exactly. From there, they head over to the Paris water treatment plant. So they're going to check out the process for the public water there. Yeah. And as they're driving up, this is one of my favorite Zach Efron literal quotes. They're driving up. Oh, yeah. This water treatment plant, he goes, I can smell the water. And even Darren's going to like tone down the bullshit. Dude, I know you're trying, but like, don't, it's a little too far. I do this for a living, but you're a little much right now.

Peel it back, peel it back, Zach. You're a little green at this, Zach. Oh, and again, you feel so bad for this poor public servant. He's got his little vest and he puts the he puts the hats on them and they're like, what are these for? And he's like, don't ask stupid questions. You don't care. Just where I had because I told you to. And there's this amazing initial moment. We see the like reservoirs before they've drained and filtered and done all the stuff to them. And Zach Efron, obviously going for a company moment is like, so what's the weirdest thing you've ever filtered out of the water?

And the servant has this amazing look on his face where he's like, I mean, come on, man, you know, is it dead body? It's, of course, it's a dead body. People jump. We are French. I have to say, I was very disappointed because for a show that is all about experiencing things and checking things out for yourself, We are French. I have to say, I was very disappointed because for a show that is all about experiencing things and checking things out for yourself,

I wanted them to throw Zach and Darren into the filtration system. Yeah. So they could experience a whole process for themselves. But given that the whole thing is shot handheld and there are lots of snapsumes, I mean, this struck me as the weirdest episode of MTV Crib's I've seen.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And, uh, Yale's are leaving Uma, where we treat 300,000 cubic meters a day, just me and my bitches. Yeah. And so, yeah, he mentions 300,000 cubic meters of water a day that they go through, that they process. What is that like, Keith? Can you give me an analogy?

So, yeah. This is when Zach Efron is like, hey guys, pop an end just to explain what you just heard. Cubic meter, that's complicated technical jargon. It's a unit of volume. You're probably gonna need a visual aid. So one cubic meter, it's like a washer and dryer sitting next to each other.

What if they're not sitting next to each other? I wonder what Zach thinks that means. And now imagine 300,000 wires and dryers. So now that that's explained, we get to look at their whole system. And there's also this fantastic moment again at the reservoirs, where they're walking and they see that there are ducks in the above ground. Yeah, there are ducks in there and then the guy says you're like, we keep the ducks in they produce natural substances, we call it old cloac, we bottle it, we sell it to this water sonnay in Westerlywood and in a co-fin with Ulklava. This is where Darren, because there's dogs, he's like, crush women it. And he's like, no, man, this is like a big fucking state works thing.

I made you, oh yeah, no, you can jump into our giant water pit. This is where Darren also explains that in the U.S., we have 600 times too much chlorine. And that's why we have all the cancer apparently. The Paris system doesn't use chlorine. They use UV light and they use ozone, which is natural. Well, what's great is the Paris water guy. He doesn't say we don't use chlorine. He's just like, yep, we use much, much less than that amount of chlorine you just said.

Also, I just don't have time to correct all the stuff. That whole thing had so much wrong with it. It was crazy. Yeah. And then Zach, our friends like, can I go swimming? And he's like, no, stop trying to make jokes. No, absolutely not. I hate you guys.

Sure does. Well, Zach Efron and Darren are definitely no longer welcome at any government buildings in France. So that's nice. They're going to walk around the city now and find some of that famous region tap water as the plot of their show. But first, we're going to take one more quick break to drink some chlorine and then we'll be back with the thrilling watery conclusion

of Down to Earth episode two. Hi, I'm Beelis Celebrity and this is Public Servant Slowly Realize I'm Nuts Now. Today, I'm here with the head of sewage treatment, Francois Mère Doublet. Frank, thanks so much for joining us. Yes, I am François Mdou, wow, a billion celebrity. I somewhat enjoyed your work in 1997, and I'm very excited to be on television. You did and you are.

So tell us a little about the work you do here. Well, here at Water Treatment Facility of Pantons les Chias, we process over 3 million gallons of sewage a year. This is a process fascinating. I am so interested. And so, do you ever see the sewage, you know, cause problems? Well, I mean, we have quite a few safety measures in place. Good. Safety measures are good. Yeah, I mean, this is plant was built in 1992 and has been operating. And how well armed are your guards? Sorry, how well armed are guards? Yeah, you know, in case the poop monsters congeal and come back for revenge. Poop monsters. Yeah, you know, when you eat animal

products, tiny bits of their souls go down the toilet and then those soul fragments congeal and raw sewage to create poop monsters which come back to seek their bloody, bloody vengeance. We haven't dealt with any poop monsters. Wow, you guys must be doing an amazing job then. Thank you. Next up, I'm gonna eat a piece of poop and shit it out again to apologize.

So any chance I can get that release form back as a contract? No. And we're back. And now it's time for Zach and Darren to have way too much difficulty learning to use the app they have in Paris to find all the free water fountain. There's so much trouble with it. It's the best.

Oh, and the editors are fucking with them. The editors to sub in like a fucking Madden arrow. We like the panel here and then we just watch them look for the fountain for another 16 minutes. So good. Yeah. And did you realize how they found the water fountain? Eventually the cameraman was literally standing next to it, shooting and waiting for them to

find him. But of course, and and app is not going to cut it for Darren. No, no, Darren is trying his dousing technique. He gets down low to the ground. And he's like, no, I got this. I'll be able to find it I'll be able to find it. I'm gonna feel the pulse of the concrete with my hand And rub my hand along this dog shit on in this city. I watch all the episodes of Captain Planet And it finds nothing and it's they spend the next 15 minutes walk around while the camera guys just like I'm not gonna say a fucking word, but it's obviously right next to me where I'm pointing my camera. Yeah. Like all the camera operators are like this WhatsApp group and they're like talking shit

about the host like that you believe that he went down on the floor thinking that he could feel the water. I know they've got a pool going. Exactly. But I can't just imagine the infomercial because he's got to commercialize this. Hi, I'm Darren O'Lean. He's a $20 price tag on a dowsing rod holding you back from pursuing your passion for Just imagine the infomercial because he's got to commercialize this. Hi, I'm Darren O'Lean. Is a $20 price tag on a dousing rod holding you back from pursuing your passion for water

witching? Don't worry. There is another way. And I have the patent on it for only five easy payments of $99.99, which will go to pay for my home reverse osmosis system. You too can learn the hand to ground method for finding water. Simply crouch on the ground like your spider man, put your hand on the gravel, and simply bullshit your way to a water source. If you're in Paris, you're bound to stumble

on a water fountain at some point. And if you are interested in purchasing my method and you also regularly consult psychics and mediums, you are eligible for the frequent flyer discount. Yes. So we watched Darren jumping around doing parkour like spider man landing like iron man smashed his hand to the ground, can't find it. They finally find it with the help of the camera man. And then they they cut away and we get a voice over from Zach Efron

Accidentally explaining how much better his last trip to Paris when there wasn't a a fucking tap water theme He was just like man. I just had like a bunch of really good like steak free and I was like delicious The museums were nice fucking stupid, but now Darren yells at me and pretends to have superpowers So that's weird museums were nice. But now Darren yells at me and pretends to have superpowers. So that's weird. Fuck, we forgot about the shrine. We should go shoot the rest of that shrine. Yep.

So they leave Paris and they head to Lords. He might as well outro that voice over with, oh, fuck, how much time has left in the episode? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So they're at Lords now. this is where that healing shrine is. The number one ranked healing shrine in the world. Four to six million people show up every year

to check out their holy water and try to cure their cancer or whatever. And also go to the sweet gift shop that they show. Oh, why? Why? If you're trying to make this look legit, I say this later in my notes, but they never managed to get a shot of this wholly found that doesn't have one, a gift shop in it. And two, a giant gold covered expressants. There is no single shot of lords that isn't filled with like medieval children's tears. Right. Yep. And we get the backstory on this shrine. Apparently some girl way back in the day started digging in the mud and found water, believe

it or not. That's the whole thing. That's the miracle of the shrine. There was, there was water where there was mud. Yeah, the, the bar for miracles within the Catholic church is stunningly low. Because yeah, the story that Zach tells is of a 14 year old girl who claims an apparition showed her the way to a natural spring. And the church is like, how could this teenager have found water all by herself? It must be a divine intervention. Now, if you check out the skeptic dictionary on Nould, it says that the girl's body is on display

and is alleged to be incorruptible, but the life-like hands of face, yeah, her hands and her face are apparently actually made out of wax. That would explain it. Oh, man. Yeah. Who is trying to corrupt her?

How, like, that's a weird thing. That devil. Oh, okay. Also, an even weirder thing is like, who made the jump from like, you know what, Cynthia? You were right. There is a spring there. Hey, we should charge old ladies with cancer to come here, right? Yeah. Like really old ladies who can't afford it, they should come here and touch some rocks and die anyway. And go to the gift shop. Should the gift shop again? some rocks and die anyway. And go to the gift shop, to the gift shop again. Yeah. So that's what they did. And now we're finally talking with Dr. Alessandro again after their big fight.

Yeah. And we learn what he does. Well, first of all, Darren tries to cool things down with Alessandro because he just, he just threw his fit. Right. And even though, even though the doctor is Italian, I mean, he does the most French thing ever. Darren says, you know, he's trying to convince me, he's like, he's dedicated his life to finding health principles around the world. And it means everything to him. And the doctor just goes, and rolls his eyes, and he raises his hand like,

so what, you think you invented Bushita? I study miracles that come from people touching rocks, huh? It is such a beautiful little moment. Like, if you blink, you're gonna miss it. But the doctor's like, yeah, whatever. Right. So they finally get this guy back on the couch so they can do the interview. He's still super angry at them, but they're trying to smooth it over. Yeah. His job is to meet with the people who show up at this shrine, claiming a miracle cure happened to them. Like their cancer went away from some kind of miracle

like holy water. And he sees about a hundred people a year. It's not the hardest job. And then they explain how the Catholic church has a rigorous set of criteria for a cure to be considered a real miracle. Can we go through these conditions really quick? Yes, please educate us. Okay, so condition number one, a doctor has to diagnose a real illness, which is great because that just means a whole bunch

of people shut up and we're like, yeah, I had fucking, I don't know, felt cancer. And now it all, so great. So they made that rule number one. I guess that's a good one. Condition number two, bullshit little stuff doesn't count. You can't just be like my headache, way in a way, my more gallons seems less flared up now. So I guess that's another good one. Condition number three, the illness has to go away instantly,

like right on the spot. Condition number four, the cure happens instantly. We already said that. I'm sorry. I'm fucking running out of control. I already wrote it down. I wrote it down. Condition number five, the person is completely cured.

Instantly, I said it again. I'm going to put my pen down. I'm putting my pen down. We're just going to, we'll put it, we'll edit it later. They don't though. Condition number six, the disease can't come back for at least I'm putting my pen down. We'll put it, we'll edit it later. They don't though. Condition number six, the disease can't come back for at least 10 years.

And condition number seven, there can't be any real explanations for it. And that's that guy's job. So, so you start showing them X-rays of like a cloudy hip bone next to a not cloudy hip bone, and that's evidence of a declouding miracle of his hip cancer. Yeah.

But see, I want to see an alternate version of the show like down with race science with Zac Efron and Sam Harris. So the doctor, the doctor, he's talking about miraculous healings, he's showing them X-rays of hips and Sam is like, but I was curious to know if you had x-rays of skulls. Now, once again, I'll be taking completely out of context. You tell me you see 100 people a year, that's a lot of skulls. It's an interesting data set, but I would like to share with my friend Charles Murray.

Okay, but Jonathan, what do you think? How is their criteria skeptically speaking for miraculous healing? Well, I mean, the criteria are pretty decent, but the thing that what it boils down to is documentation, right? Do you have the right documentation? Has the right investigation been done? And again, turning to the skeptics dictionary, about 200 million people have made the pilgrimage to Luleå over the years. So the success rate is like one out of every 3 million roughly. But it's worse than that because you may want to take into account the fatal accidents

suffered by pilgrims on their way to or from Lule. And so it's conceivable that more people have died going to Lule than have been allegedly miraculously healed. And of course, I, I mean, I also love the logic of that mythology. And I know that I don't need to say this to your listeners, but the logic is that there's an omnipotent and omniscient God, right, who allows disease and fractures and infections. But if you go to this one place on earth, he will grant a complete healing to maybe 70 people out of 200 million.

You know, you got to want it pretty bad. Please stop by the gift shop and give generously. Please stay at one of the 270 hotels in Lulele. It's good for the economy, please, please, please. And speaking of the documentation, we get the argument from Lee Strobell here. The doctor shows his like big stack of paperwork. And he's like, if you measure my paperwork in height, the medicine part is much taller than the religion part. So I'm science. And what's amazing, he has to correct them. They're like wow these are all the people who were

Miraculous the healed and he's like no this is Just the people who said they were healed so yeah, you can fill up a lot of binders with crazy old ladies There's an interview with Alessandro in the Catholic World Report in which he says that when he was young He was working in the baths with sick children. I don't know what that means. What? Yeah, I don't know. But he was confronted with the problem of evil. So he decided to study pediatrics to help suffering children, which is great. But now I feel like he did a 180 and he went right back to just contemplating the suffering from a distance and just praying for a miracle. What a journey. And what I love is that he ends this whole thing right? He's like, yeah, so you could see here is a bad X-ray and then later they took a good X-ray.

It's a miracle. But he ends this whole like I'm so medical and scientific thing by being like, and then I send it to the bishop and the bishop's like, yep, that was God. Why would I say no? send it to the bishop and the bishops like, yep, that was God. Why would I say no? Yeah, that's their system. So they finish up there a little, a little interview with Dr. Alessandro. And as they're walking out, Zach, our friends like,

yeah, by the end of the day, he, I don't think he hated us as much. I think that guy likes us. No, he does not. Did he say anything? Did you guys do that one on one? You didn't, okay. You want to do a fist bump. No, he does not. Did he say anything? Did you guys do that one on one? You didn't, okay. You wanna do a fist bump?

No, no fist bump. Strong Z. Strong Z. The guy shouts from behind his armor. That's okay. So from there, they go to meet up with the chaplain of the healing sanctuary, Father Jim Falen. This guy, hey, credit where credits do.

This guy is absolutely fucked, right? Cause he has three minutes of screen time left to turn every, every, incredibly dangerous homicidal claim that was just made by the show into a metaphor. It better be a metaphor because he's like, yeah, eight thousand people with cancer, something like that. They show up every year. Oh, we don't cure him, but they like it here. It's nice.

They feel good. He says, Lord is not about magic. It's about gaining indulgences to fast track your soul to heaven, which is a thing that happened under Pope Benedict. That lease and may still be happening for all I know. You go there and the church tells you that you've just been forgiven for like five cents or something. Oh nice, but they don't tell you which five.

Otherwise, you could plan ahead. You could, I'm picturing an Epstein scenario. And I don't want to get into it. It's Chef's choice. Yeah. And the general message here, they don't use the term placebo effect, but the message is, yeah, it's nice here. The placebo effect is real. You know, you think you're doing something.

All you got to do is fly to Paris, drive to Lourdes, and then buy a candle and some fancy stuff at our gift shop. And, you know, nothing but... And I'll tell you, what I was blown away by is that there's not an official process. Like I've gone and kissed the Blarney stone and they're like, yep, lean your head back. That's the rock. Kiss that one. But apparently at Lord's, they're just like, yeah, you know, wander around and then fuck off, I guess you fuck off.

Yeah, I guess you can fuck off. So that's when Zach and Darren decide to just walk around the magic cancer castle in slow mo for a little montage. It's very emotional. And again, they cannot get a single shot without solid gold statues and donation boxes and a priest fucking a kid in the back. Right. This was the hardest shoot of this entire TV show I guarantee you.

I think my favorite moment was the closed captioning that said, serious French in the rock music. Okay, so I think the music editor is like that skeptic who was working at Goop on the Goop lab. Remember that guy? And he's trying to send us messages because this whole sequence at the end is indeed underscored with a song in French. And part of the lyrics literally translates to all of these lies which we disguise will one day leave us defenseless. Are you serious? I'm dead serious and this is literally a warning against a lack of critical thinking skills.

Oh man, Anac Kendrick was definitely involved in losing that song. Can I come and do some posts for you guys? Sure. Nobody speaks French, right? No, why? Exactly. Fun. Don't worry about it. Shotgun. And then we get to watch all the people with cancer have a,

a fucking false hope parade with candles. Yeah, yeah. And Zach gets to sort of do his apologetic thing. He's like, yeah, whether or not you believe in prayer, candles are pretty. I'm sorry, did I say candles are pretty? Yeah. You guys are going to put this in the show, are you? He actually asks himself, does any of this work?

I got no idea, show, are you? He actually asks himself, does any of this work? I got no idea, but candles, right? That's nice. And then he says, but if a miracle is defined as the impossible, inexplicably becoming possible, then real or not doesn't matter, does it? What? Philosophy 101, logic one, but actually, whether or not you were truly healed or you just think you're feeling better

in the moment, because you're filled with the spiritual drunkenness, that's a big frickin' difference. Sure is. Also, if they charge money for the placebo effect, that's a difference. Yes, that's free. But apparently they don't charge to go there,

but of course you have to stay at a hotel and you have to get there. Buy from the gift shop. You need the little bottle. Yeah. They're fine. They're ways to monetize. Fun observation. After the end credits have rolled, there's finally a slide that states, this program contains product placement. There you have it.

All right. Well, now they're finally going to close it out with a question for themselves that they have trouble answering. How is tap water related to miraculous cancer healing? We seem to kind of do both of those in this episode. And the answer is, I don't know the answer to any of my questions for me in this scripted show. I'm Zach Efron. Bye.

I don't know why they asked me to do the voice over. Someone helped me. The end. I know it's skateboard. Last thing, sorry, I also can skateboard. What do you think that this last monologue is telling us here, Jonathan? I think the bottom line is that tap water is evil because of chlorine, lack of minerals, and tons of chemicals.

So you have to smuggle in a stonion water that tastes like copper or move to Paris and be homeless or go to the world if you want medicinal water or actually there's a restaurant in West Hollywood that sells curative water. So it's up to you whatever is closest. I mean, the whole show on Netflix is frustrating because it is superficially about the environment, about sustainable practices, but there's a lot of pseudoscience woven through

and through, more so in this episode, less so in others. You know, they platform a vegan food blogger who is a major figure in the clean eating movement. There's a guy who claims goat milk comes out of the animal pre-pastorized. And, yeah, and there's another guy who claims that genetically engineered plants are killing bees and it acts as a soft endorsement of Darren O'olean, whose book basically tells you that if you don't eat organic food, you're giving yourself cancer.

And the critical response to the show has been, did you see the packs on Zach Efron? I heard me, dad, he heard me. Look, I know that Zach means well, and he's on this like 10 US spiritual journey to find meaning in his life since starring in dirty grandpa just didn't cut it. But he's a prime victim for health gurus to exploit, like so many celebrities. And many viewers, you know, they wash these celebrity endorsements, they develop orthorexia, they start wasting money on products, thinking they're cleaning their bodies, but they're just cleaning their wallets. And I think compassion and empathy are important, and I'm not advocating for Shadunfhoida. Oh, I am just to be clear, Jonathan's not I am. But but he if you want to get a bit of Shadunfhoida, if you want to, if you, if you feel angry toward these alternative health gurus and you're looking for some sort of celestial

justice, all I will say is watch the last episode of Down to Earth with Zac Efron. Oh, no spoilers, but it's fantastic. That's all I'll say. It may be worth the series. Fantastic. All right. Last thing before we wrap it up, who would you rather punch in the face, Zach Efron or Darren? That $100,000 bottle of Beverly Hills. And I know

it's too over the diamond. It's probably hurt my hand. Uh, reversal of the question, I want Anna Kendrick to punch me in the face. It's a sex thing. Oh, yep. Eli's answer is correct. I win two points. You do. And while that does it for a review of Down-Turth Episode 2, it's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we found at least one more bad movie for next week.

So tell us, Eli, what's on deck? Out of the shadows. Great. What's that about? Do of the shadows. Great. What's that about? Do you have any ideas? This is the very popular YouTube documentary about the deep state that Alex Jones created. Oh, God, this is going to be Fed Ponzi scheme stuff.

So many things. So many requests that it that. Man, that's the end of my time right now. That's the last walk out of this now. Walk out of this one. Would you just heard was Jonathan's parachute? He's not. I'm the anachentric of this episode. All right.

Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 258 to a merciful close. Big thanks to Jonathan, Jerry, for joining us again. And if people want to hear more from you, where should they go? All of my work is archived at johnathanjary.com. J-A-R-R-Y. I'm also on Twitter and I'm the co-host of the Body of Evidence podcast. Check it out. Excellent award winning.

Yes, once. Yeah, what award? Oh, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, a people's choice award for science, communication and Canada, something like that. This is why you got to make COVID. Then you get to be skeptic of the year, three years in a row. Should have brought you in on the ground floor.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. And once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon donors. If you'd like to make sure Eli and Anna's child doesn't live in poverty and squalor. Oh, please do. Can help. Yeah.

Help us out. Well, at least with the poverty part by making a purpose of donating that Patreon.com slash God awful. He's all sticky with mango nectar. He definitely is. And that'll get you early access to an ad free version of every episode and also 49 and counting bonus episodes about movies like samurai fucking cop and roadhouse among others. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist, The Skeptocrat, D&D Minus, and Sikitation Needed, available on Apple Music,

Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off movies at jimil.com, legal services for this podcast are provided, the law offices, Pianjatoras. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars, Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Hewlett-Drafson Mars, all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Jonathan Jerry and Eli Bosnick, I'm Heathen Wright, promising to work hard to

earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. Anna Kendrick can remove one of my front teeth with her bare hands. Zach Efron went on to star in 20th High School reunion musical. It was real sad. Netflix went on to Greenlight down with pronouns with Zach Efron and Jordan B. Peterson. The first episode took place in Serbia. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Jordan, why are we eating steak again? When I was in Sardinia, it was all about low protein. Well, that is what those bloody neo-Marxists would say. And stay away from cider. Yeah, no,

I know, I know, you told me, oh, I didn't sleep for a year. Just laying awake frozen in terror contemplating my doom. Oh, we have to do a Jordan Peterson movie just so that Jonathan can do that impression the entire time. Has he made any fucking movies? There is a movie about him. What? Yes, I haven't seen it. It's a documentary that followed him for a little while. And it was supposed to be shown in a theater here in Montreal and there was backlash and they pulled it and

there was a free speech, free speech. But I haven't seen it. It's on iTunes. I think you can rent it there. Oh, we that's locked in. That is locked in. Not the last you've heard of Jonathan. Everyone. Let me see. Oh, it's called it's called the rise of Jordan Peterson on rate of 91 minutes. How do we do this time? Like did I press record correctly? No, because remember last time your zoo was slow to respond. Yep. Yeah. You're doing slow. Terce. We're good. Terce. Morgan, please send me that. It's for my my file of times that he was sharp with me.

I use it when we're in arguments. Have a series of your, your, your HR folder. Ha, ha, ha. Also those aren't seconds. I'm looking at them. Well, you weren't saying it when you're looking at the times then, because those aren't seconds. They are.

It's like the hail to the chief is in seconds like, and that's really the piece of music that we can all have in our mind. Yeah. I have so many follow up questions about hell to the chief being in seconds, but we have we don't have time. We have to get the second front. All right. The meter on hell to the chief is not like most people hear it.

And the time. Well, that's in double like half of what you were tapping out there is seconds. No, don't slow it down. Just tap half as often. God damn it. What a great metaphor to explain seconds. It is it's useful. This got me out of getting arrested. I once this is this is real. What? This is, yes, this is real. I was driving home

from spring break. We went to fucking Daytona, Florida. It was garbage. But we had this is in college. And I was a pharmaceutical distributor for a large multinational corporation. So I had a bunch of drug dealers. I was drug-milac-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-drug-dr or just outside New York City. Wow. And I'm less than a mile from my house. I'm that close to making it. And like 10 minutes before that, me and my friend are like, all right, we're almost there. Let's, we're going to roll up a joint. We're going to smoke a joint like we made it. We made it.

So it's going to be a joint. I get pulled over immediately after we're done. As soon as we finish the joint, I get pulled over like feet from my house, get pulled out of the car because obviously it smells like pot. I'm pretending like, no, I was on spring break. You know, my shirt smells. It's that's what it is. Cop calls for backup. They pull me out. They gave me that, you know, roadside sobriety test. They didn't have to like blow into the balloon thing at the time, but they gave me the like, you know, stand on one foot until your head back for and tell us when

30 seconds is up. And I was like, okay. And I remembered my buddy, who's a musician, told me, you can estimate it one second by doing halts the chief in your head as that like tapping at the time. And I nailed it. And they didn't arrest me. They didn't do anything. I walked away. Oh, in jail. How music saved your life? There you go. And being white, the Heath and the Heath and the right story. Yeah.

Seriously, we got to go to that restaurant in LA and get lighter water. And fuck with that guy. And fuck with that guy the whole time. A thousand percent. Yes. We got to bring Noah. We got to convince Noah.

Oh, I would come to our fancy. That will end in a stranglehold. It was this fucking war. It made your a liar. It made it. Okay. Do you have anything in a TDS that is higher than 7400? I just really.

I've got cancer and I'm looking for a cure. Could you make 7400? It's just pure magnesium. You eat it. It's just a chunk of magnesium. It's a piece of magnesium. Lick it. Lick it.

Swallow this refrigerator magnet. It's water now. You have to lick the magnesium. Opa and Opa. All right. And then and then you sprinkle the salt on your hand. The proceeding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.

All right, and then and then you sprinkle the salt on your hand The preceding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved