God Awful Movies - 26: GAM026 Unconditional

Episode Date: February 15, 2016

In this week's episode, Eli, Heath, and Noah join forces once more to take on a film that snuck just enough god stuff in to make the "faith" category on Netflix.  It's the story of a woman on the hunt for the man who killed her husband, even though the only description she has to work with is "african american male."  So listen in as we desperately try to fill an entire episode with a movie where nothing actually ever happens; Unconditional.--- Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more, check out the band's Facebook page.

Un chapuzón, con el habito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parque Sur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bailo es sin parque sur. ¿Qué es esto? ¿Tú te dijeron? ¡Oh, es un hombre de ríos! What are those eat? Did they eat people? Oh, it's a people eating horse Again billionaire money because that one wouldn't that be been great? It's switching us to a whole movie We're the horse now hunts everyone in this group. Yeah exactly. Exactly. They all they're all huddled into the barn and increasingly small numbers.

He's done keeping secrets. Pfft! Ha-ha-ha! Anti-Semitic people eating horse. Ha-ha-ha! It's fun. Ah, she's moving into seagull. Ha-ha-ha!

God awful! Movie! Movie! Movie! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin! Moomin!

Moomin! Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Sinema because it turns out that Shadon Freud is monetizable. I'm your host Noah Luzonz, and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right, Heath. Welcome back. I loved it. I loved it. Such a good film Fantastic

989 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Oh? I'm doing pretty fantastic. I saw an Oscar-winning film. So I feel pretty Pretty great. I'm gonna beat Leo out for the Oscar. I can tell Well, somebody has to yeah, you can fight a bear all you want, but. If you beat in the bear, I mean he's got his ass kicked by the bear. You shouldn't get awards for getting your ass kicked by the bear. And you know what it is? It's that like placement trophy culture that we live in now.

Yeah, exactly. You get your ass kicked by a bear and they're like, you know what? You participated to, you get a trophy as well. It's a bunch of bullshit. So tell us Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched unconditional. It's the story of a white woman who's pretty sure a black person killed her husband and she uses this information to spy on people matching that description. So it's kind of weird. We get to watch your spend about 90 minutes

interacting with some very nice black people during which she has no idea that it's racist and illegal to be a racist vigilante. Oh, and Jesus the End or something. Yeah, I can't trust that. Imagine all lives matter of the movie. Yeah. And D.L.I. how bad was this movie? Well, let me, I can just say this, when a white

girl signs up for a big brother, big sister program, this movie is what she imagines is what's going to happen. That's how is most just like, oh my gosh, like they're going to gather around and they're going to call me mom and I'm gonna be like I'm not your mom because I'm white and I'm rich but it's gonna be the same to them because they're like puppies This is This may be the most racist movie we've watched because of how like Condescending it is the nature of the like condescending white woman and the no moment of like checking in with black experience in this movie might be the

make this the most racist thing we've ever seen. Yeah, but it might also be at the same time as far as film craft goes the best movie we've ever seen. Oh yes that's fantastic. Like yeah, the shot was always lined up. They had drawings. They obviously hired multiple camera people. I fuck you guy from the other movie. They finally fired him for this one. Like, Dave, you're not in this movie. Fuck you.

All right, we'll see you forgot not dead too. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I think the helpful skeptic on Twitter pretty much nailed it. He said, it's still a dumpster fire, but like behind a cinema button. Yeah, good dumpster. You can smell it. You're like oh nice And they're like no there's a baby in there. Where does not change the Okay, it was black. It was a black baby. So it doesn't they're like pit bull puppies God at least a movie knew that line was racist, but we'll get it.. We'll get you. I'm not sure they did. I'm pretty sure they did.

It was weird because like the amount of Jesus in the movie was super duper low. And basically the main thesis of the movie is bad things happen, but wait a minute. That's pretty much it. Like God's love has just got to wait. It's a is just got a weight it's a test quiz i guess pop quiz well and and that's really kind of encapsulated i think in the the shittiest tagline i've seen in quite some time this is the tagline for the movie it's not a dead end if it takes you somewhere you needed to go but but i mean put in a sense of well fucking, but also it could be because if you, if you

get there, then you have to turn around and go back, that's still a dead end. Right. It's, it's only not, if it's your destination, then it's not a dead end. It's definitionally speaking. I don't want to be nitpicking here. I'm just saying that to, maybe it was like, it's not the wrong road. If it takes you somewhere, you need to go, but a dead end by its very nature would take you somewhere you didn't need to go Unless the end was it was your death in which case it's just your destination. I don't know It's just that that's just dying. Yeah, so also this movie and it makes repeated Mention of this is based on a true story and looking back over it now

I'm like both because nothing happened i mean there nothing actually how could this this movie is a this is a movie about a woman whose husband got killed and then there's a guy who's tangentially involved to us dialysis but winds up okay that that's like that's the same as nothing happening this is like a movie about deciding what to have for breakfast yeah based on true story, by the way. Yeah, the other thing about this being based on a true story

that made it weird as a religious movie is that there's almost no religious motivation for anything that anyone does. In fact, there's a ton of religious citation for people not to do the things that they do throughout this movie. They act in direct count, and I'm just talking like, I'm not just being nitpicky. Like, well, you know, the Bible says you can smash the rocks and the heads on the infants,

although that's in there, just a reminder. Oh, it is. It's also like, there's lots of moments here where like, it's very clear that the church or whatever these categories are that are supposed to be caring for these children aren't doing it. So human beings out of the goodness of their hearts are doing it. So the thesis of like God is the light behind the clouds is Very clearly disproven by the fact that there's absolutely nothing God related that helps anyone in this entire His dialysis machine doesn't run out of juice and then it gets struck by lightning

by lightning. Number five is a lie. Yeah. Would have been a great twist. Well, I believe in the guards get the sense that we're stalling here. We're going to get our balls shocked. So we're going to take a quick break and when we come back, we'll break down the relentless barrage of cliches that is unconditional. I'm stalling. I'm stalling. I'm stalling I'm stalling Okay, guys, so so we're gonna be doing our big push for patreon this week in the style of Unconditional so does everybody ready? Yeah, I have a question. So my line here if I die Please let everyone know I'm sorry. I never got to paint the sun. I wonder, is that too similar to later when I say, I wish I could see the sunrise and paint it? You know what? Yes, yeah, it is. It maybe if you could combine them together somehow as we do it.

I had a question too. How's my pathetic cough doing? It's going to be like, like, that's good. But remember, okay okay you just watched your entire family get buried in a mining accident and now you have the black lung so deep in the deep in the throat. Oh okay good no it's like yeah exactly exactly. Why am I in a puppy costume again? For the last time you are a three-legged puppy with cancer of your ability to love. Yeah, your ability to love has cancer. Exactly. Oh.

And we're back for the breakdown and I could tell just based on the production logos that this was going to be the best movie we've watched in quite a while. Get a bunch of Exposition via child's book drawings, which was actually kind of cool. They're telling this like a story of this woman's husband getting killed using like baronstein bears animation. Right. So we learned from this this this voice over from a Southern white lady about how her husband got murdered by that black guy with the red shirt. Yeah, you know the black one with the red shirt The guy so also there's a fantastic moment where she her husband gets shot And it's exactly the same as all of the Batman flashbacks and me and my fiance at the exact same time went

Oh my god, she's gonna be back But no, she's not gonna be back. It's in the alley and everything yeah and also we've got to talk about this woman's accent. I don't I don't recall the actress's name but they she the character that she's playing is supposed to be from Nashville so they made her put on a southern accent occasionally. Now Southern Ginny Weasley. So now I'm gonna point out that like at the best she gets sort of a hint of Southern Alabama.

She never gets anywhere near Tennessee. But it's basically it's as consistent as having a reissue in Robin Hood essentially like basically makes Sean Connery and hunt for red October sound really good. Her accent is the voice you use if you wanna pick a fight with a Southern person. It's like, well, golly, I sure hope I don't fuck my sister tonight. All right, great, we'll punch in. Here we go.

That's her accent coach was like trying to pick a fight with her the whole time and she never just quite got the hit. But yeah, I love the animated beginning that includes the all black guys in red hoodies are murderers. So it's sort of like racist up. Yeah. So yeah, we get our well G-shocks.

It used to be a backgum good world until Billy got killed and trying our damnedest to make the word on have two syllables in it. Ow, wow. Ow, wow, wow, wow. What laugh goes, aw, woon. Woo, woo. So then we cut to our opening scene, our opening post-Vo scene. And there is so much shit going on in this scene

that I stopped the movie to check to make sure I had an accidentally skipped to like an hour and 18 minutes. Yeah, they're cutting back and forth between several different seemingly unrelated things at the time. This woman's, she's sitting in her vintage pickup truck in the rain having flashbacks about the day her husband got murdered. Right, she's got CSI Christianity going on in her hand. Right the rain it's raining rain and also two young kids a brother and his apparently mute sister tiny tech yeah there are shoplifting food from a convenience store next to

the murder suicide rainy alleyway which is right there and they get caught and run away and that's gonna come in in a second and meanwhile this was the weirdest one to me there's a very attractive black man, and he's giving himself emergency medical care. Like, maybe chemo, maybe he's turning himself into the green goblin. He's, he might be setting off a bomb. It's not clear, he presses a button.

But wherever he was, it's also raining. So, so he's in the montage too. Yeah, right. And when we saw the kids um i just want to point out that maken who's the little black boy is wearing a hoodie and i wrote my notes quick it's kidnody shoot it he's the one that murdered your husband yeah and by the way the movie will never get this exciting again so enjoy it while you can um i i just wanted to i this is such a minor moment but i had to point it out

when ok so so making in his little sister steal some candy i'm sorry kisha yeah that's right they steal a little bit of food from the convenience store they get caught and the security guard goes after them now this security guard basically has the physique of job up goes after them now this security guard basically has the physique of job up if you told me that the fat security guard is actually them setting up the penguins origin story crazy he's make a wish fat shit

so then i guess okay so the kids are running away from fat security guard and the little girl gets hit by a car as she's running across the rainy street. Well, we should explain. That's what's happening and she is going to the alley where her husband died to kill herself in the alley where he died. And I wrote in my notes, I feel like the best way to die is the way my husband did in this alley alone in the rain. That's what he would have wanted. And by the way, she has a giant hand cannon of a gun. Yes, so I just want to point out that had she shot herself in the face, it would vaporize her head. Her head is going to fucking explode. It's just a giant gun. Watch the movie. It's giant. It's not a killer self gun. It's a kill someone through a cement wall

Don't watch the movie. It's not the gun does not make it worth it And by the way, I think if there was a sex act involved at this point It would have been called a muzzle in the thunderstorm. Oh nice. Oh, yeah So yeah, so she's just about to shoot herself in the head But then she hears the little girl get hit by the car and she's like well, you know, I'll kill myself in a minute So she stops and takes the the little girl to the hospital. This is all six minutes into this movie by the way Sorry, I'm gonna go off on a tangent that I'm gonna have to remove and post anyway But why the goddamn hell do we have to cut into him going and getting dialysis in the middle of this?

Like there's not enough goingysis in the middle of this like there's not Enough going on in the center of the movie. We got the kids stealing shit We got the lady killing herself pouring down rain kid gets hit by a fucking car. She takes it That's not enough shit to cram into the first six minutes of your movie We also have to cut to an unrelated shot of a guy almost dying before he gets his dialysis fuck off Well, no it was raining where he was dialysis fuck off. Well, no, it was raining where he was. Oh, he's so at all. It caused together. You know, also this established the all-important plot point that that thing you do three times a week that is very easy to plan around. He never does it and almost

dies once a week because of it. Yes, right, right. It's like, dude, take your puffer. No, I mean, just take your puffer. Give me my my puffer you might want to just just set an alarm in your phone man It's not hard take your guy a huge theme in this movie is just one person's Incredible irresponsibility for their own medical care, right? Which I have absolutely no sympathy for just go Do your medicine thing then go back and give kids grocery carts full of flour, whatever the fuck you do. He's an awful lot of that. Yeah, they try to build a lot of the suspense in this movie on like, have you taken your insulin? Oh shit, I meant to. Diast...by the way, dialysis isn't a f- that's not how it works. Diast is happens three times a week. Three times a week. That's what this guy has to plan.

It's not like it's something that has to happen four times a day Right, and that's why he's constantly having to show it's three times a week just be like yeah, man I'm not good for Tuesday's why oh because I need to fucking squeeze my kidneys out Yeah, goddamn neutral bullet. I would think that most people would be willing to wait a few minutes Yeah, in that instance so now we cut to the hospital where um... uh... sam the red headed chick that was going to kill herself earlier is waiting in the uh... the waiting hallway to see how the little girls gonna be uh... and it turns out that she's gonna be

fine right this movie doesn't have the balls to kill a little girl in the opening minutes but uh... of the two children we have to admit that it would have been better for her to die. I'm just saying there was an able-bodied child, there was a broken child. I'm just balancing, I'm just saying like if one of the kids had to go, Keisha was obviously already part of, I don't know what is mute in as far of dead. How far dead are you in the camp?

I'll ask Richard Dawkins, I'm sure, Hilma. Easy soapy choice, absolutely. Not a problem We have 80 minutes left of movie. I don't know you want to get lunch sure unforgivable to so fees easy choice So also we get this that making the older brother is a hustler and Every time he's on screen he's gonna be hustling because you know, you know black kids. So the first thing that he does is extorting a promise out of Sam to come back tomorrow and see it when they get out of before they get out of the hospital.

Which is so weird. First of all, I hate making. Nothing making. I hate making so much. I hope there's a school shooting and he's the only one that dies. I hate him. I hate him so Much I hope he plays with a toy gun in any state where why people are cops If you watch this movie you'll hate making too. I hope he holds a pair in front of a mayor of Colorado He's quite a hateable little character.

So he basically, the nurse is like, oh, she wants to see you. And instead of being like, oh, I owe this child nothing, back to my suicide attempt. She's like, okay, I guess I owe this kid. And then he's like, you better come back tomorrow and bring me some food and also $3. And she's like, all right, that's a promise.

And they do this secret white friend, black friend handshake on it. They do. They do. I mean, it was one of like the entry level ones for like white friends, but it was still pretty cool. It was like two phases only, but she did it. Yeah. Also, I just want to point out that the way that this kid attacks this woman, someone needs to explain consent to Megan real quick.

She's like, well, I don't know. That means yes. Oh, Megan. Oh, I don't know. That means yes. Oh, Megan. I mean, she made a promise. What? No. Yeah. So then we get the turn in this flick.

She's leaving the hospital. And there's a guy there to pick up the kids and the nurse asks his name just as she's walking by. It turns out it's Joe, whatever. And they know each other from when they were kids. Joe Bradford, there can only be one Joe Bradford in the world. His name might have been fucking Tom Smith. Oh Tom Smith? From Bale New Jersey, my childhood best friend. Yeah, why did you do that based on my name? And uh, by the way, can we talk about the physical appearance of this

very attractive black man I already mentioned once. I'm having a lot of confusing thoughts about this guy Perfectly sculpted jawline. He is delicious, but he's damaged a little like in a good way You know, yeah His kidneys won't work so like you can't run away from you know, you know, yeah take care of him He's got that extra surgical hole in him and everything he brought out the gay in me I don't mind saying it a Joe is fucking smoking hot So they have a chance meeting over a hit and run black kid. It's the same old story. It's how my wife and I met Except Noah hit the kid. It's a well

Yeah, we don't want to go into it as all the law suit is set up the lawsuit He's set up a part. I out of court. That means I didn't do anything wrong just ask George Pell yeah he's the guy with the grill right so now we uh... we we get a flashback uh... when the two of them run into each other she's like that the nurses like oh I take it you know each other she's like or he's like she was my best friend as kids and then so we get the flashback to them best friends as kid.

By the way, this is number one of, yeah, 2600 flashbacks. We're gonna get in this movie. So settle in, there's a lot of that. This movie is about 12 seconds long without the flashbacks. Right. And so basically we get Joe being introduced by the principal and she says, literally she says, this is Joe,

he's the janitor's son. Yep. He's the new janitor's son. So basically she's like this is Joe he's the only black person in the world hate him. Yeah right. And indeed all the white children do. All the little crackers are mean to look at a school full of white kids. He's like why am I standing next to this little Negro child? Great question. Yeah it's grandma's the new janitor and somehow they have an address in our district and we somebody sold, I don't know, but every beating iced him and he'll let you touch his hair. It's very exotic. You all might have noticed that our kindergarten hamster died, so now we have Joe. Oh, God.

And we cannot let the eichner spring him home. We've learned that. We learned that hard way. Do not let the eich can spring him home we've learned that from the part we do not let the I can spring him home. And of course the only person in the whole school that'll talk to Joe is the soleist ginger girl who is just in it for the tater chips. Yeah, she kind of trade rapes him on this deal at least with the snacks. She gives him this tiny little jello pack for his potato chips for a full bag.

It's kind of bullshit I thought. Yeah, she went on to later run Starbucks. Yeah, here you go potato chips for a full bag. It was kind of bullshit, I thought. Yeah, she went on to later run Starbucks. Yeah, here you go, potato chips for a field worth of coffee beans, they? Yeah, right, right. Well, and then also when a girl says, how about my jello for your potato chips, there's no way that's not a sex thing.

I could think of so many different things that she could have meant, but yeah, they went literal with it. And also Samantha, young Samantha Samantha rocks the two-phase Bro Han shake here too, so yeah, so that's how she knows it. Yeah, she dated some black guys in preschool, I guess So yeah, he beats up the kid that trips the little girl and then goes to the office and that's how they become friends And I want to say by the way Look Joe beat the fuck out of that

okay, I mean there were no fucking around on that, that was, you know, solid right cross to start, good ground and pound at the end, you know, so good form for Joe. Yeah, yeah, really fantastic stuff. So then we, he's the ronda rousey of children's school year effects. If I need a nine year old white kid beat up, I'm going to Joe. Oh, you said it was me No, no, I'm not doing this on air. I'm not doing this on air It's fine. So then we go back to her house on the floor Whatever and I guess she decides you lose one fight to a nine year old No, I don't want to talk. I said I was gonna bring this up here

She's get through the show. I'm a professional. So, let's go on. So, she gets home. We were back in the present day. Now, she gets home and she decides she should probably fuck Joe one time before she shoots herself. So, she puts her gigantic gun back in the glove box. May safe place for a giant handgun. Also, she has a horse, she has cows, she has chickens,

she's got this whole farm, she was just about to blow her blow her head off so she's like, oh, I love you horse And I'm like you don't love the horse horse was gonna sit there and start to death while it waited for your now vaporized brain To come and feed it some fucking oats and also of course she walks in the house and the first thing she goes to is her Dead husband smell jacket. I don't know. I mean I've never lost a wife or anything like that. But is that a thing? Do people just have like that one article of clothing from their dead loved one that they smell? Yeah, checking every day. It's just like, you know, when you charge your phone at night, you also grab an article of the dead person's clothing. You give it a sniff and then

you cry yourself to sleep. Oh, yeah. No, absolutely. I don't have any dead ones, but I've got a few extra funds. And I have a whole set up like a Norman Bates type shrine going on with three or four of them. It's not a big deal. I think it's pretty safe. I think it's pretty safe.

I'm in different orders every day. Same order every day. That's important. Oh, okay. I get it. Also, I as the child of a children's book author, she appears to be a magical kind of author that's also an author, illustrator, and publisher.

All right. Yes. My mom is not only, she's written over a dozen children's books and she's won the Leabett and Hopkins Award. Nothing about the way that she does children's books in this movie has anything to do with the reality of how children's books are written. Sorry, just a personal pet peeve.

She's just like, oh, I'll draw some pictures and weave a tail and it gets sent to the printing shop where they make a copy for every little boy in Girl in town I Wanted to send my mom this movie just so she could be like do you know how many fucking revisions of where is the bear I had to go through? I will stab you in the heart is the bear I had to go through I will stab you in the heart. No I love it. It's gotta be like watch it like my dad was a cop so you can't watch cop movies with me I'm always pointing out dumb shit and I get it I get it. So okay so now we gotta get another flashback. This is back when when husband Billy was alive and you

can tell because she was pretty back then she did her hair and stuff. And I officially was done with the accents at this point in the movie when she walks in. When he walks in and she says, Hey cowboy and he says, Hey pretty lady, I was like, fuck you. Done. God. And there you go. This stopped being adorable.

Well, yeah, as you say, and it didn't, yeah, the fact that it could go down in adorability from where it was is pretty amazing, but damn did it Especially when we get the whole I guess There in redneck love bit here where she sneaks chickens into the cabin where he keeps his He comes home and he's like you gonna write another one of them Faggot picture books of yours and she's like yeah Then he says and this gets explained at the end of the movie But just bear with me

He goes you got my two dollar bills from the bank and she goes yeah, they're in the cabinet Mm-hmm, but she's snuck chickens in the cabinet. Yeah, so when he opens it It's like one of those cans that joke cans of peanuts. You just chickens come flying out it So who knows how long she's tortured those ends? She's wrapped them in the dark and there's been four days since he's been home She's got a Discriminated inside a cabinet covered in chicken shit and the one chicken that died that they've eaten But they come out at him and then he's he's like, oh you put chickens at the cabinet

I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you, but then she runs outside and gets on a horse Yes, and he has to chase her on a horse to apparently fuck her. I barely make it into the bed sometimes for sleep. She was like, you got to catch me. I'd be like, it's fun. You got to come home to eat eventually. I'll fuck you then. Well, and we get in the slow motion riding the horse

to scene. I'm like, God, Jesus, are they going to be taking a moonlit walk on the fucking beach before this is over? Oh, yeah, he chases her into the farmers only.com commercial Apparently you don't have to be lonely delightful So then we we cut back to the present day where Billy's dead and she's miserable and The phone's ringing she's waking up to a ringing phone. It's making

and uh... the phones ring and she's waking up to a ringing phone it's making gilting her about not showing up to uh... where's my visit bitch yeah but basically exactly bring us some candy and some money in unsequential bills but some reason she's not like hey little person i've never met i saved your sister's life

goodbye click she's like oh my gosh i so sorry. What flavor candy do you like? Right, right. What kind of pizza do you want? By the way, the beginning of this next scene is crazy. Some at the showing up in the project. Like you said, to bring the food to the poor blackheads. And it's like a John Wu hero arriving at the battle at this point. There's like colorful sheets blowing in the wings everywhere there's groups of pigeons taking off constantly is ridiculous like overly epic and they're like crazy and it's this big letdown she's just like yeah here's that pizza right right I'm supposed to shoot those commando ninjas or whatever well and then you can also you can tell that these kids are like their mom just doesn't give a fuck because she's smoking a cigarette. That's how you

can tell. So then she notices the next door neighbor T. Now, now we we we glazed over this, but in the voiceover about the husband getting killed, they tell it, they tell you that the only things that they found on the scene were a mechanics rag and they saw a man in a red black man In a red hoodie running away from the scene when the cops showed up. Keep in mind. They only make one of those a year So there's probably like four guys like a hitari sort Probably four guys in the world that have a red hoodie and a mechanics rag. Right right So she notices that this guy that lives next door is a mechanic

and he's black and based on that were supposed to think oh my god that must be the guy that killed her husband she should have started shooting right away that was the one time i have a this movie that you can't just immediately pull out her civil war musket and she was in the face black guy with a red shirt come on boom well he wasn't wearing the Black guy, we the red shirt, come on, boom.

Well, I wasn't wearing the red shirt just yet. The red shirt gets revealed a little later, but. But so right now, all she knows is he's a black mechanic. Are you the five fingered black man? The field man hasn't? Bang. We still get that scene later. And by the way, can I just go back to this grandma

for a second? This is the stereotypical old black lady. So check on your bingo sheets. And she's the grandma of Kisha and Megan. And she hits like 23 racial stereotypes in like five seconds on screen. Like you said, she's smoking a new port, but she's like also smoking a black and mild. It's time she's shining shoes. She's crumping.

It's crazy. Just saying phrases. I declare. Mmhmm did I use child please child please oh it just gets worse from there on her so now we we learned that the real reason she was running out to the projects so so quickly is because she still wanted to get Joe's dick. I can't blame her. I kind of wanted it too. So she gets done with the pizza and the candy and she goes to see Joe who also lives in that same. Oh, she says, do you know a guy named Joe and she's like, Oh, believe me, we're all black. We all know each other. Don't worry. He's my cousin. He my god, he shot my husband. You shot my...

Excuse me, ma'am. Do you own a red hoody? So now she goes over to see Joe. And Joe's got this shit hole house. Oh, and his mailbox is Papa Joe, by the way. He's not just regular Joe. She starts to walk up and as she's walking up she meets Denise who is Joe's neighbor and smoke and fucking hot.

Denise is super hot. I think Denise and Sam should have a kissing contest over Joe and everyone should win. That's my writer's note. I like it. I was kicked off the scene of unforgivable. I have this movie. It's unconditional. It's a good thing we don't have the name written on the notes for at the very top there. So, yeah, so we meet lovely, lovely Denise.

We don't linger on her long enough. But then she wanders into Joe's house and his entire house is decorated like the front of somebody's fridge. It's all... It's like he has the drawings of each of his victims It's very free. It's like Joe turned to his decorating was like I want Joanne's fabrics covered in children's drawings And he was like stop drilling you hit gold. I know exactly Because it's just glitter and crayons and the drawings of children he knows

We've been really creepy if we found out later that those were all his drawings? No, no, no, I did those. Those are months. Would you like them? No, you're very bad at drawing. Yeah, I know. Oh, didn't get my dialysis in time. What have you been standing here talking to me?

Wanted to finish conversation. Where you get that really quickly, too. Alright, so apparently, okay, so they're dropping a bus load of kids off with Joe because in their school if you're good all day You get a green card and get to go over to Joe's house and get free snow coats right But first when they all get off the bus they all huddle up and they go And I wrote in my notes. Oh god. They're preparing to eat you Sam run This is a black thing to black people go super saying what do they do? I stopped watching roots about halfway through it's a very long movie. I forgot where they learn how to do this So now we get the scene of all the little black kids singing and dancing together like the black kids do oh

Yeah, they do a little soul train dance line as part of part of this oh They do a dance line and I wanted so badly they get this point where they turn to Sam and it Sam's turn and I wanted her so badly billionaire money re-read it as movie There's like go Sam go say she walked in the middle and she just blows her head off with the gun I wanted it so badly. Go say, poof. Oh, do we all have to do that now? No, it's okay. She didn't say Simon says, Joe, we're good. We're good. We also learned here that Joe plays the sacks as if I wasn't already in enough danger of blowing that dude, but yes, he

plays the sacks. Right. At this point, I wrote in my notes, if someone wants to fuck Joe, if no one else in this movie wants to fuck Joe, I will. And by the way, Samantha does not shoot her head off but she does just completely ruin the whole dance line for a second. She does the white person reaction which is awkward nothing. Oh god, do you people want money? What is this? Yeah, exactly. Fun fact God, do you people want money? What is this? Yeah, exactly.

Fun fact for all the black people, if you want to see a white person become autistic before your very eyes, surprise them with a dance challenge. That's a real thing. Yeah, we are terrible at dancing and racist. Yeah, yeah. I just get my dick out.

That scares him right back. That's just pulled my, just my balls out of my gene zipper. Start to jump up and down, screaming the names of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. They will stop challenging you to dance off. And that's the counter move people. That's the grass to their firepunk. So, okay, so now she grabs, I guess there's one remaining stoco in here. So she grabs it.

She's going to bring it around the corner to take it to Keisha. And when she does, she comes around the corner and wouldn't you know what this is where she finds out that their neighbor mechanic owns a red hoodie. Oh, it's a good old meme. It doesn't even be the murderer. Yeah, I can't wait. That's where we go with that. And she's so sure that she goes to the detective

in her husband's murder case. Yes. Exactly. She goes to the detective and she basically says, yeah, I found a guy that matches the description of my husband's killer. Yeah, black guy with a red shirt. It's definitely him.

So, can we go shoot him or how does this work? Do you shoot him or do I? Who shoots him? This is the beginning of the George Zimmer movie where they go, we just need someone who will stand their ground, cut to a young George bit of boxing ring somewhere. So then the police gives a crazy, the policeman policeman who and we don't address this I don't think look it's a bad thing he says but the movie doesn't ever come back and be like that's a bad thing for him to say He says I'm no racist, but I'm a realist and by the way whenever you say that you're about to say something It doesn't matter what you say next. Yeah, right. I like chocolate pudding. You found a racist way to say it I don't know how.

It's just a topology. So he then explains that black people, and this is in the movie. I'm not saying black people are like pit bull puppies. They start out cute and cuddly, but you know, and that's literally it. That's what he says. And she leaves the room, but there's no moment where she goes, well, that's a weird thing's what he says and she leaves the room but there's no more where she goes well that's a weird thing to say she's just like you have a point well you have a point those kids are pretty adorable but they will grow up to bite your throat out no I want to be very clear on this one because it's very I think it's very obvious from her reaction when he says that she's like oh you're a racist fuck and and and walks out she goes back to him a bunch of times now well i mean he's

the cop that you know you can't just go get a different cop like you can go get a different sandwich shop or whatever uh... like and and and i and i only point that out because like not all of the movies we've watched would be cognizant of a what a racist thing that to say that was i want to give the movie at least enough credit to say they knew that was racist is fuck all of our movies are so bad that this is basically the fact that that guy's not the protagonist is the reason for this crazy thing. The fact that that's not the final monologue of the hero

we're like you know what man this movie is pretty good. This movie is pretty bad. I can get the bar is so fucking low now. But he also says like, you know, I understand with that pitbull thing I understand what you're trying to do, but he was basically saying those black kids you saved are probably drug dealers by now I really wish he wouldn't interfere with police business from now on, you know by saving the lives We're trying to run him over one at a time and if you take my saving Keisha, you killed three white husband Basically the message he sends yes so if you go back in time and kill Hitler would you all right what if I told you all black people are Hitler i'm a cop i'm a police officer and okay but so and now that's the thing though is that it the weird thing

about this movie is it seems to be cognizant of this guy saying the pitbull line is racist but it doesn't seem to be cognizant of this woman saw a black man in a red hood and assumed that was her husband's murder they don't you know they never address that level of racism although the cop does point out he's like that's not evidence and she's like I feel it in my heart and it's like great. We're done here. Do you like these white power pamphlets? Yeah, right except for the racist shit everything he tells her is super reasonable Like okay, you saw a black man in a red hoodie. I can't go arrest him now everybody. I arrest is a black guy in a red hoodie I realized that sounds like a great reason to arrest this guy. You're talking about yeah, they don't let us do that anymore

That part's already filled in on the form. You gotta check the crime and you're arresting it for. Oh, she's now I'm ready to go. I just need fingerprints. So she decides to go back to the projects in the middle of the night to what? To stay murder tea. Yeah, I guess.

To stake him out. Yeah. But she's distracted because nearby black people are the Disney cr out. Yeah. But she's distracted because nearby black people are the Disney crows. That's what's happening. Watch the movie. Yeah. You might want to show people they're dancing around a fire. Don't be mad at me. I didn't stage the movie. And of course, she sees the fire and that reminds her of another flashback. So we have another husband flashback. And if have another husband flashback,

and if you wanna know how campy this movie is, they're camping. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, this couple did everything but fuck. Ha ha ha ha ha. No wonder we wandered around the ghetto looking to get shot. Yeah, no, it was like summer camp.

There's horseback riding, and there's river riding, and there's camping in the night. There's gonna be some thmoars but no pussy so yeah, so they're there Camping in this flashback and she's telling him the story of firebird which is this this book that she's gonna write and draw and publish and promote and market later and I'm sorry. It's a shit story

Yeah, but but for those who are interested, I think I can sum it up pretty quickly. There once was a bird that was like, why do bad things happen to good people? And its mom was like, where were you when I created the whirlwind? Hey, you can't beat up the Leviathan! Snickers, did you open the doors of his face? All right, I'll show you the back of my to fill in come on Follow me Follow me you can see the back of my little magic hat

So yeah, so it's a story about a bird that flies through a cloud and even though it seems like there's a storm and blah blah blah He gets it to the top of the cloud and there's the sun there and that's a euphemism for God and all of the stuff He puts you through. I'm just saying I'm pretty sure there's no law 42 porn about the firebird yet, so get on it Interesting. Come on people But what the kid's story is or what the Parable is or whatever here is that Sometimes God you're like a little tiny bird flying through a storm and

God's shooting lightning bolts at you, but it's okay because if you get to the top and you get through the storm You're gonna see the sun again, and I'm thinking of myself. First of all a lot of baby birds die in storms and shit And secondly, if God hadn't put the fucking storm there the sun would already be there so the pair like it Prachetown the storm. Yeah Exactly And that's the whole thing is that the little birds ask in the mom Why do we have a storm which is like basically why does God do bad things to good people and the and the fucking answer in this movie is Oh, because there's a son above it. Yeah, but you know what that memory makes her decide not to murder someone based on the cloth

They own Whatever it takes, I guess. So we cut to Joe having a mini Oscar ceremony for the black kids that behaved that week. Yes, yeah. By the way, Joe, he distributes a lot of candy to children for a guy with diabetes. That it just seems like, you know,

I can't use this. I'm more responsible about this this. You don't need your feet. And of course, Macon wants his candy, but he doesn't get any because he didn't bring his report card because he doesn't want his name to go up on the website where all the smart kids go so that all kids will think he's tough, whatever. Anyway. And Macon is super duper aggressive. I wrote my notes. Mac gonna try to murder Joe But luckily Sarah or Sam or whatever will shoot him first That's where I thought this movie was going. Make it with my candy bitch. Cut. Oh I got your back Joe

Help me feed this kid to my horse My horse keep My horse keeps secrets. He keeps secrets. So yeah, but Sam does show up. She doesn't shoot Megan, but she does show up just in time for another flashback of the time that she saved Joe's life when they were kids. Right. And so they're hanging out in the woods and Joe says, I wanna show you something and it's not as thick. So, I was already not a fan of this character. When he shows up too, she's like sitting in the woods like drawing pictures of this bird or whatever.

And she's like, that's the bird that's gonna be in my book. And I'm thinking of myself, okay, we're supposed to believe now that for like 30 years, she carried this bird story, this close to her chest or whatever, it took her like all these decades to finally put the finishing touches on bird flies above cloud story. I mean, it's not that to what your mom does or anything, but yeah, it's still nine sentences. Oh, El Rosenberg knocks out a children's book in a week and a half. If my mom had a book

she was working on for 28 years, it'd be like, mom, it's the ABCs. It ends with Z. It starts with A. Let's get it rolling. Start a new project. This one's not going well. Oh shit. So, so Joe shows up while she's doodling her bird and he's wearing a ninja superhero samurai outfit because it was a metaphor by the way he she's not she's actually doodling a bird she's not doodling her bird i just want to you know strapped on everything it was nice it was it was cute uh... so he's taking her to his samurai training ground where he's gonna learn to be a ninja superhero actually pretty's actually pretty cool little fort he had going there.

He had like a pull up bar and a heavy bag made out of leaves. I thought it was cute. Yeah, I thought so. Honestly, I thought this little kid that played Joe was probably the most impressive actor in the movie. Yeah, the child. So then, so he's showing her little ninja for it and then they run across a rattlesnake which might be the least harmful snake in the world aside from like a garden snake. I got to say about mountain rattle. I'm going. Yeah, mountain rattle are like you get in Tennessee. It wouldn't kill you. Well, I would if you've just got bitten just laid there for a long time, like those fucking idiot snake handlers, with Christianity and whatnot.

But yeah, but no, they'll fuck you up, a mountain rattle or a fuck you up. But this snake, particularly, I don't mean like mountain rattleers. I mean this snake, this snake, he kicks a thing in the snake, like, hey man, chicka chicka chick, get out of here. Yeah, right. And he decides to attack it with a mop. Yeah.

Very clear here, the snake is just like, chicka chick dude, fuck off. And he's like, mop time in the snake is just like chick-chick-dood fuck off and he's like mob time and the snake's like oh mob time bike so just just for the record snake one black samurai zero to be clear well and also just to be clear if this kid loved Jesus properly as it says in mouth you he would be fine but he doesn't love Jesus because he hasn't been to prison yet Yeah, exactly exactly that's where black people go to find Jesus So we see him waking up in the hospital and finding out that his dad doesn't love him Right a grandma is dad gonna come help me check your skin

He turns to Grammy goes how come dad doesn't love me? And I just wrote in my notes, check your skin. Yeah. Yeah. So then we can pack to the present day. It's the movie. I didn't write this. Yeah. Depends on what.

Depends on what. Yeah, actually, we get even more of that in the next scene here. So we cut back to the present day and it turns out that uh... he's opering a bunch of food staple boxes with the kids you get a box of flower in potato chips you get some grits and quaker votes um... so she goes back with kisha and making to take them their box and take their box of quaker votes and and potato chips back or whatever

and i got a witness is the only time in the movie that they made me laugh. At the front door? Yeah, yeah, because she says, Megan says, I didn't invite you in, but my grandma don't like white people in her house and she goes, what? And she goes, nah, I'm just kidding. And that actually gave me a laugh.

That was actually pretty good. Sorry, Samantha, you people have to use the back door. That's the rules here in the projects. But while she's waiting outside for them to see if it's okay if she comes into their house or whatever, because she's white, she notices that T, the guy next door, you know, the mechanic with the Red Hoodie, has left his door a jar. Right. Which, first of all, people in the project probably don't generally do, but also, if they do,

breaking into that person's house and wanted around pride not a good idea right that out but that's exactly what she does she sneaks into the two house and just starts snooping around and uh... she she finds his incriminating box of evidence and uh... was murder clippings you can see scrolled on the top is murders are done committed and uh... was murder clinton's you can see scrolled on the top is murders i don't committed police do not open on the

she isn't in here and uh... yet so but he comes back home and she runs away just in time yeah well and he sees that some stuff has been moved around but he thinks it was making because i guess makins in the habit of going around and fucking around with his murder box or whatever and And also I love this too. I I wrote in my notes here She just remembered she was supposed to have a southern accent and then I looked in heath's notes and I looked in Eli's notes and all of us at this exact Say moment is like oh her accent Calls the cops and she's like officer. It's my

is like oh her accent. That's bad. She calls the cops and she's like officer. It's my from the type of what accent do I have to. Oh, Monish, me, Sada, a new drink of fine milk, husband, killer, no. Me, Ravi, a wrong time you fight, honey, you're with the church. She's stroking out, guys, cut, cut.

Someone's going to be a useless brainer. She'll cycle back through. She'll cycle back through. Trust me. She's stroking out guys cut some of the things that's brand her She'll cycle back through she'll cycle back through trust me So she leaves a message for Detective Miller and basically to say I know who the killer is or I think I do it was Anthony Jones Yep, oh Anthony Joe. Oh, well, appreciate you narrowing it down Bob Will you run him through the Iz He a Murderer program that you have? Well, I'm not right. She says, can you run his name? That's a thing they say on TV.

Yes, that doesn't even make sense. Can you trace the call? Which call? The one from Anthony Jones. I have no idea what you're saying. You know, that card was really for when the case was going on. You don't just get to call me forever now. It's not how murders work.

Right. So then she's sneaking out after she almost got caught and she starts walking with Macon and he realizes she's being all weird and clearly hiding something. So she bribes him to keep his mouth shut about how she's Erases visually at the homicide detective and I hate making so much. Yeah

Stupid making and he takes the bribe. Yeah, yeah, well, I hate to say it But this is actually as close to a cliffhanger moment as we're gonna get in this place. I mean does he take the bribe? There you go So we might as well take a break right there But not before I give act three the hard sound Will movie level things eventually start happening? Will Sam murder some dude over a hoodie and some racism? Will she wind up with a Boston accent before this is all over? Find out the answers to these questions in mortal and we return for the melodramatic conclusion of unconditional

It came a harsh bear Conditional. It cares my hair spare. In a world where one man's condition means the difference between life and death. Dude, you have diabetes. Just take the insulin seriously. A wheel in a minute. No, no, just do it right now. Like now in this moment of fighting with me about it, it could already be done. You wouldn't die. One man's desire not to take his medicine could mean losing everything. You have a medical condition you need to treat it. Do I? Yes.

From the makers of unconditional comes, take your fucking medicine. Fine, you don't want to take your medicine then die, but stop waiting until you're about to die and then taking it. That's just crazy. Quick, give me my medicine. No, I keep it now. No, I need it. I'm gonna die And we're back for more but we lubricated a little bit more this time when we last saw our hero She was bribing makin and to not telling Joe about her breaking and entering Escavade and when she gets back to Joe's house Dammit if that little shit isn't whispering something into his ear. I hate making so much

So easy to hate him. Make in life doesn't matter All black lives matter except making So at first she thinks that like her bride didn't work and that Make in a cell in her out, but what he's really doing is inviting himself in all his ghetto friends to come over to her horse farm well he's whispering to joe he says uh... she's got a horse and he gets she goes is that true and she's like oh and he goes about the horse in the farm she's like and i have a horse in a

farm he's like hey everybody we're going to someone else's home and she looks justifiably horrified for a sleepover. Yes, like what? Also, I know we haven't done it a lot this episode, but music note for this scene, maybe these white people could learn to dance after all. So, yeah, we get this farm activity montage with the kids going over to a horse farm and they're having like Like weak fights and their torturing chickens together and they're making I act as a big white load in the face Yeah, right

That's what happens now But the weirdest part to me was the kayaking. Is there, their farm kayaking? Is that a thing? She grows them. Yeah. There's a lot of people that are kayaking. Kayaks. Now also, so we get this great scene where she, she shows Kezia,

tiny Tim Mutegirl, a horse. She's never seen a horse in real life. And she like covers her eyes and takes her into it. Now I gotta say, like a horse is kind of a terrifying thing to see. Like if all of a sudden your eyes are uncovered, there's a horse like six inches away from you, and you're a little tiny human being. That's actually kind of scary, probably not the best way to do it,

but the little girl's cool with it, I guess. Yeah. And she says they have it. You know, they have a special gift, don't you? And then she pauses and I want her so badly to be like, they can fill a woman in a way that no man can ever feel really truly full kisha really full kisha fall where you going where you going but no I want to that they can't talk yes that's their secret so apparently kisha also has that gift yeah right right kisha horses and rocks all good at keeping. See

you're something and they have better attributes. You're really you're really short selling the horses. But yeah she's just going like my horse I've told him all my secretinos where all the bodies are and he ain't never told us so. I'm sorry I'm doing way too good at Southern accent and I'm fucking it up. Oh yeah never told us sir. Yeah, right. There you go. Meanwhile, I wanted to cut the little girl talking to the horse and she's going, and then they busted her Muslim boyfriend for that shit.

Oh, and then it was this other time, I convinced the Bush administration, Saddam had WMDs, holy shit. Aw, damn. But no, we didn't get that. Yeah. So now we cut to Joe. He's upstairs and he's brought his dialysis machine

with him. And he's about to do his dialysis when Megan comes in and says, hey man, you gotta see this. And he's like, oh what? I gotta do my, oh well, I guess the dialysis can wait. That's, and I just wrote my notes a million times, dude. You need your dialysis. Right, I wrote fucking dialysis.

This man deserves to die. If this man dies at this point it's his own fault that no empathy there's no yeah there's no uh... is what is it there's no stakes the stakes are created by a character's own bad behavior right and stupidly bad behavior not even like particularly inconvenient here so then we get some more chicken chastin and hay writing. This is my single music note of the episode on this scene. I had David Attenborough just said something profound about trees. This is also where she points out that Denise, she's like talking to Joe and she's like, you can't see it, can you? Denise is in love with you. Well, fucking, of course,

she has, but you know, we're cut to a sign of Denise wearing a neon sign that says I want a hot cup of Joe Landing strip pointed at her vagina and he's like oh just friends Oh, yeah, she turns the sign around no we're not friends This guy with orange cone best friends. Yeah, she wants the dialysis dick. Oh, yeah, and the kidney shifter But by the way, I would pay so much to watch those two fuck. Oh, that'd be glorious Anyway, so now we cut to dinner and they're having dinner in the barn because she's not gonna let all these black people into her home I guess so she asked him in the barn and They start playing with her dead husband stuff as she gets very upset

Misordering the sniff shine shrine and as he pointed out before, you do not fuck with the order of the sniff shrine. Hahaha. Fucking making. And then they play, oh, this might have been my least favorite scene in the movie, but they play, so they start playing some country music they put on their record because, you know, kids these days know

how record players work. And they're like, oh, this is awful. To which Joe says, well, you know kids these days know how record players work and and they're like oh this is awful to which Joe says Well, you know her country music helps save my life when I was in prison Right and they go tell us that story and he goes No, you don't want to hear that story of the time I was in prison and almost murdered and she goes No, we do me and these children want to hear about your near I was in prison and almost murdered and she goes, no we do, me and these children want to hear about your near manslaughter in prison. Which leads us to the most offensive scene in this movie, it's another flashback to

gameplays. Oh yeah. But by far the most offensive scene in this movie. Oh yes. So Joe goes to the prison cafeteria Mm-hmm gives up his cornbread like a bitch right to the to the white guy who owns the only hat in prison When he finds out that a big Mac who is another African American gentleman in prison Oh, by the way

I just want to point out these are the names so far of the African American gentleman in this movie T big Mac Papa Joe. Yes, I'll counter in quarter pounder. Yes, a little guy that follows him around. Yeah, exactly 799, 7 many so then that's important. So then later Joe and another black guy are listening to country music and Joe and another black guy are listening to country music and Mopping the floors and when they turn off the country music the white guards literally They've they've segregated the prison. There's white supremacists on one side black guys on another They push the let the white guys out button. Yeah, there's a white guy out button

The guards release the white people to murder the two black genders like the god damn Coliseum because they turned off the country music and Joe pacifies them by singing and dancing by singing and the black man placate the white lynch mob by singing and dancing because sings and dances real good yeah he sings and dances real good shine their shoes but every one mutual respect for white country music saves the day by creating unlikely bonds of friendship yes that's what happened in this goddamn movie ridiculous so no one in the present day goes wow that's a fucked-up story there just like oh yeah So all the children have a barn dance That light convinces the show I wanted to point out when we see Big Mac before this is gonna come back later

Big Mac threatens the only white guy in prison with a hat with a machete. He just pulls slowly like a full size. This is not a shift. This is not a toothbrush that's been carved down. A full size machete out of his track and he's like, hey man, blood diamond machete. And yes, that story convinces all the kids that country music is cool because it keeps you from getting asked right by white supremacists uh... so they have their little burn dance and while they're doing that she kills herself it's just a little fucking nice

but no detective miller has called uh... to to letter no that yes anthony jones the one anthony jones in town was one of the original suspects but had an alibi so yes on a run but seriously stop going to black people areas white to white i'm just here by the way that's jack Dalton from a guy where the car oh right on right on i don't remember a character named jack Dalton in the

giver he's the friend that helped him on some of those uh... wacky missions well okay well solved the problem with you explain to him what different races were like in which animals they were like look you gotta see the jews they're like tiny rat puppies right they start out sweet and cuddly but then they get all your money and they start nine eleven it's a whole thing so it now what we really supposed to get from this this uh... conversation with

the detective is that she's been kicked off the case she had to turn in her bad she's on her own he actually even says that you're on your own so take the law into your own hands very clear should not have said it should have been no you are not on your own please stop and you are doing illegal things but of course he wants her to kill some of them pit bull poppies anyway so So then she's standing up stairs in the barn Where's which is where she keeps all of her like awards and stuff like that and she's staring at this award

At which time we get this other we get another flashback and this one probably makes the least sense of all the flashbacks in the movie She wanted children's she wanted a ward for giving away her children's books for free. Right, right. So like a community service award. Right. So they're letting her give a TED talk about her dead husband. And his love for $2 bills.

Right, how he was saving the world with them. Yes. Why, how does love is like $2 bills. There's actually plenty of them to go around. No, there's not no, but people have heard them. And so we love like people. Horde love. If we shared the more. I think it was a poly argument, right? It was a poly The end of that speech was her. Everybody just take your clothes off. Yeah, everybody. He's in the bowl. $2 bills. Man, woman, holds a whole let's make this happen

and then she breaks down and starts crying and as to run away from the scene because she can't keep up the accent any longer so we move back to the present day right uh... we move back to the present day in jio is see finds her crying upstairs and she explains that she gave up on the bird because the bird is god and he's like that's okay let's just sit here in silence and not talk about what you went through

well and also let's route through your shit again and this is yet another christian movie where some dude is rooting through some woman's private shit and and and like that she doesn't have like any kind of like that not that drawer or that one Nothing about that But he doesn't find any dildos anyway cuz this movie sucks Yeah, and Denise finds him outside by the barn Joe all dying and shit from lack of taking his dialysis or whatever Right, he's like I'm not feeling super good and instead of her being like well Why don't you fucking take your dialysis?

She's like, all right, you owe me and he's like, what do I owe you? And she's like the D Show, look me am I Joe, Joe, the D And he's like, you mean dancing and she's like, fuck you Joe I mean dancing and she's like fuck you Joe. It's like inside. Oh, he surrounded my fire and Ebony. And he just won't light the match. It's so sad.

And she's so fucking hot. So oh, and also tiny Tim goes back in. She's forgotten her backpack. And she runs back into the barn to get it. And would you know it? There's the horse. Is she going to talk to the horse? Yeah, she's gonna goddamn whisper into the ear of

The horse also I'm a Jew so I'm terrified of horses So the fact that the child and the horse were alone. I was like a horror movie for me I was like oh it's gonna bite her and kick her. What do they do? What are those eat today people? Oh? It's a people eating horse Again billionaire money because that one wouldn't that be been great It's which it was a whole movie where the horse now hunts everyone in this group. Yeah exactly They all they're all huddled into the barn and increasingly small numbers. He's done keeping secrets

huddled into the barn and increasingly small numbers. He's done keeping secrets. He's done keeping secrets. He's done keeping secrets. Antisemitic people eating horse. This is popular. This movie needs a sequel. And so now, all right. So now we get to get all good and deep into Papa Joe's

sob stories. Right. He was going to work for IBM because he was a computer whiz and then he broke into a bank and stole $200 so they sent him to okay Well, he super buries the lead. He goes I got eight years in prison for stealing $200 So I spent 20 minutes of my notes being like there's no way that would happen and then he explains oh no What I did is I hacked into a bank and yeah, oh 200 dollars You did not steal 200 is I hacked into a bank and stole $200. You did not steal $200.

You hacked into a bank. I'm hacked into a bank. Exactly. That's way different than finding a wallet and keeping the $200 inside that. Yeah, right, right. I was like, I stole $200. Oh really?

Yeah, it was in the glove box of this car I boosted. Yeah, see, that's total. Of the guy I murdered. Yeah, right. Right. But of course, that's all there the guy I murdered. Yeah, right, right. But of course, that's all there so that we can get another prison flashback. And I just want to say, leading into this flashback, again, remember, this is a story about a real guy who was telling his life story to a screenwriter who then made this scene.

I just wanted to keep in mind all of those things as we work our way through this. So Big Mac, who you'll remember from earlier, is slicing up the white guy with the hat. He grabs his hand and he cuts open his hand with that machete he had before. By the way, the prison guards don't care about that at all, by the way. The fact that there's a man with basically an axe. Right. A black man cutting a white man up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. With an axe. Right, a black man, cutting a white man up. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

With an axe. But he is in the Tennessee prison. grabs him in a chokehold and he explains that he will let him go if Joe spits in this cracker's face. Yes. So he's like, this is reparations apparently. I guess. And the white guy's going like, it's okay, Joe. Spit in my face. So it shoot the hostage

Joker spit in my face Joke do all kinds of shit in my face anyway so up but but But instead Joe Goes god damn samurai and kicks everyone's ass. Everyone literally an entire prison. You're white, black, Chinese, all the games. He's just going to night. He goes fucking Batman on him here.

I expected everyone was kung fu fighting to start playing. Oh, shit, what about this? Such a better soundtrack. Anyway, so eventually he gets on Big Mac and starts whooping the shit out of Big Mac. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hacking from right here. You would think and then this is where we go full on God for a minute because he goes I spent 40 days and 40 nights in solitaire like why would you say 40 nights dude like a Poor thing let you out at night. It's not like fucking Ramadan. Yeah, you're if you 40 days of implies 40 nights, oh man And they made it like an hour without any Christianity right to the face

That's which is pretty good. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Oh, thank God it's a Christian movie because I was like, fuck, we already told people we were doing this movie. Someone better talk about some Jesus. That bird's not going to cut it. Yeah. Right. So what we learn here is that he found God while he was isolated for 40 days in prison, you know, under mental duress where true things occur to you. Yeah, where you go crazy. I'm saying, Sam. You know how sometimes when you put people alone for 40 days, they come out and they're crazy.

I came out with God, but it's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It was insane. That's where one does their best thinking. It's the way we torture terrorists. And just in case we hadn't been heavy handed enough that from this flashback We cut back to the present day and of course he's kidnying to death or whatever So she has to dial us him quickly, right? I guess just use it every day

Just do you just always just like a good healthy habit instead of almost dying sometimes just always use it it seems so easy anyway so uh... so then we cut to them like just chilling by the fire and also i want to put out kisha comes out at this point and there's so much touching and cuddling of other people's children in this movie very yeah exactly that kisha comes out and just cuddles just cuddles up in sam's arms which is can't be heard right so all and we get another sub story because now we have to hear

kisha's sad sad story she got uh... she got mixed up with the wrong crowd and so a guy came into their house and murdered her mom in front of kisha and i just pictured the animated scene from Kill Bill and I was like, I can't wait to find Keisha's vengeance plot story. So yeah, and also we learned that, okay,

so I guess the murderer murdered her mom while she was hiding in a cabinet and then set the house on fire. And somebody came in to save the kids and say I was like, was you wasn't and he's like no it was a guy named Anthony Jones Jones. Remember because he was the guy. That's tea by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. For the white people. That's one of the letters in the name Anthony Jones. Yeah, you see. So that's and then and now this was actually

the worst she ever did with the accent because this is where she has to like Cry while she's telling the story of her husband dying. Yes. By the way, we're getting the fourth consecutive Sobs story here and honestly she was as close to Southern America as she was to Polish America Yeah, move sense quarter kill husband Yeah, right as well of then oh also I did have one more music note, I guess I forgot about this one. The music director is punishing you for not giving up on this movie yet. I wrote in my music note for this scene was I'll blow you if you put my song in your movie. It's very clearly just like, hey, it's me. Check me out of SoundCloud. Right. So yeah, then we get this forgiving montage where she's like burning the,

the picture of the red hoodie that she drew that she obsessed over, I guess. Right. Just going to start a fire and a barn, you know, with a bunch of children sleeping nearby. Nice and safe. And then it's, it's, it's morning time and all the kids are waking up and having a good time and everything. Yeah, they're doing like slow motion farm stuff again, like wheelbarrows and lassoes. We have a lasso out. And Macon, who I hate, is going to check on Joe.

He goes to check on Joe. And I wanted him to open, he opens the door and Joe is dying on the ground again Because he didn't take his medicine again And he's been skipping all his dialysis appointments. So whatever, but I wanted him so badly to open it And Joe's just in their fiercely masturbating over her husband's jacket Denise wanders over and she's like, oh, that's why All right, you do you boo

I get it She's like, oh, that's why. All right, you do you, boo. You do. I get it. I feel better now, because I was wearing perfume, and I was like, do I need something? I was going to yoga like four times a week. I feel better now. Thank you. Oh, time to ostracize him from the community.

The help I would give that attractive black man. So now we cut to the hospital. And apparently Joe now needs a new kidney. His body has rejected dialysis. Yeah. Which is kind of like saying his body has rejected open heart surgery. Dream.

I had to pause the movie at this point. Walk back to the bedroom and turn to my wife and say, oh god damn it, now Joe needs a new fucking kidney. There's like, like they haven't piled enough fucking cliches into this movie anyway. But it's okay because there's an organ available. There's just a kidney that matches this is an available. That's awfully nice. I was sure someone in this movie was gonna donate a McKinney or something. I mean, I thought at least. But so she comes in, Sam comes in to talk to him and he gives the whole they don't think I'm gonna make it or ever speak above a whisper again

monologue. Yeah, he has kidney related emphysema at the time. The one thing we know is that young men in the prime of their life almost never survive a kidney transplant or a ton select to me. The two most deadly operations for a strong 30-year-old with rock hard abs and a jaw that you can run your tongue along. Oh he tastes like smoke after midnight I bet. Sorry are we still recording? Oh gosh I stopped. I should stop. Okay. So she says to him after all this, she's like, do you have time for a story and he's like, do you mean before I die because that's a really insensitive way to word that I was. Is it like a fun dying story?

You're ready with an illustration? If it's like that, then yes. And it is. So she tells him a fucking story. And like I wanted him to just cut her off like three sentences. Can I stab you right there? I get that you're talking about us in this story. This is just a weird way for grownups to have a conversation.

I wanted him to be like, does this story end in erotica? Because that's really the only reason I'm into this story. I'm like, you can't just like do your job at dying people. That doesn't really say that like, they probably won't want that most of the time. Like maybe like prostitute chef, but like otherwise pretty much. Oh yeah, believe me,

I've been kicked out of several hospital rooms. I told him he looked like a fat, run away in this podcast. Get your hands off me. You're not a real cop. It's because they put you in a uniform. Oh,'re not a real cop. They put you in a uniform. Oh, you are a real cop.

Oh, I didn't notice the gun. Not hurting anyone. So, yeah, so she tells him the story about how he really is a superhero and she's drawn a picture of Samurai Joe with all of the kids standing around, which is weird. Yeah, and now we get makin'. Yeah, Hustle and Granny for some bus money to go see Joe. And Grandma's got this weird sort of monologue where she's like, the world is evil and the people are monsters and I'm like, start a tumbler, Grandma.

What's going on right now? Yeah. And I just thought to myself, like, because at this point, this movie's moving beyond tear jerking to tear crow barring. I mean, I think the fucking writer shows up at my house and starts cutting onions and the other room at this point. And I'm thinking to myself,

are we just gonna have a long series of last good by moments with Joe with every character in the movie? And indeed, we are. Because now we get this ridiculous fucking scene with with making saying oh Joe can you be my father I wish you was my dad he's like oh I wish I could but you know I'm done I'm like could you guys not find a three-legged puppy with a scar over his face to stand in a fucking window in a rain in a fucking serum a glassland song to play. And by the way, just a quick side note, I've been to hospitals before and every single

patient doesn't wear an oxygen tube around their face. Like, that's not ever. For example, kidney disease has nothing to do with respiratory system. It's that you wouldn't need that. Most hospital patients just breathe the air. The air, yes. And there's oxygen in that. It's just in case. They just separate out the nitrogen. Fascinating. That's cool. Is that just in hospitals? Where you can breathe the air? Casinos too, yeah.

Exactly. They put air in those too. I don don't know i've seen people with oxygen tanks that can see no and a cigarette absolutely so now we cut to grandma's house and kisha can speak yes not mute but yet apparently we're doing horse now right but she whispers to her grandmother and her grandmother's like wow that's the first time she's spoken. Now I'm gonna give up drinking now. And I feel like that should have been a bigger moment, but everyone in the movie is just like, nah, nah, nah, we just got the make and see.

We got the goal. We got the Oscar goal. Also Kisha can talk. Yeah, yeah, she says, I promised the good Lord that if she ever spoke again, I would stop drinking. So now I'm gonna have to stop drinking. Thank you, Sam.

You've saved the day right but but kind of magic white people right so she goes into Keisha's room and there in Keisha's room she finds the drawing of the bird that she gave her husband and at this point I wrote my notes oh god. Keisha is the murderer I'm not we're not ripping on this movie and we're buying multiple copies. We're sending them to friends and family Keisha doesn't speak because Keisha's not a snitch I love it so she sees the birds she rips it down off the wall and she says did you draw this where did you see this and I'm like Yeah, quick yell at the little girl with PTSD. That should be helpful. I'm sure she'll have some answers The girl you spoke for the first time today really needs to be yelled at by the one person who's the letter learned to trust again What is this picture from your childhood?

Yeah, exactly so she goes back into back into her locked in syndrome or whatever. So the Sam has to ask Makin and it turns out that it was T. He drew that. It's the only thing that he knows how to draw a real good. And that's proof to her that he's the murderer. Right. Okay. good proof like if you well okay but the scenario that she's spinning in her head right now is like oh he must have shot my husband taken out his wallet taken out this picture from the wallet left the rest of the wallet because that was found on scene gone home and started drawing it and teaching the neighborhood children to draw it. That's the only explanation. That's the cannibalist. That's the fray me right? But if a white lady comes around, don't tell her I drew this. Yeah, right. If anyone ever tells you ask you who taught you to draw this bird, you don't know shit. You don't know fucking shit. What?

So based on that she goes and she gets her gun and Sets off to murder him right and so she goes into his house. She opens the box of Murdered confession. Yeah, finds the picture and then T comes in and she says my name is cemented Crawford you killed my husband prepare to die I wrote the same thing I wrote oh she has an indigo montoya moment but now we learn that the story is that T did not murder her husband yes her husband was repairing the transformer on a liquor store in the ghetto When he noticed tea hanging out outside and then he attempted to pick him up, right? That's what this looks like gay sex was trying to happen

Yeah, I'm trying to solicit tea for gay sex, but fine whatever tea didn't get the hint So they share a sandwich and some coffee and their best of friends and literally teased like I knew that man Would change my life forever. I walked away going that's a good guy sure. Hope he don't get murdered Bam bam He walks away from T for literally 12 seconds before he's murdered. Yeah his journey was man That was a nice guy. Hey man. Give me your plan. But like there's no Mugging could have taken place so

So then T runs to help him and the guy runs off and he whispers his last words to T He says, you know, it tells him Making me chase her on a horse every time I want to Well, I love to because they then they cut back to like present day. And he says he's telling her billies last words. He says, tell Sam to always walk on the clouds. Now, it sounded kind of cheesy to me like the writing in a shitty movie, but he was dying.

So I didn't say anything. You know, I thought about cleaning it up a little, but I just gave it to you the way he said it. It's kind of stupid. And then she says, did he give you anything else? And I wanted him so badly to be like, yeah, man, solid HJ like you knew what he was doing. This was not his first. But no, it's a blood covered picture of a bird and a two dollar bill.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. So the black guy was a good person after all. But here's the thing if T didn't get a secret code from the dying husband She would have shot him for for blacking with a red shirt. Yes, and drawing a bird. Yes. That's what would have happened Yeah, and now we cut to a voiceover From Joe Sam is reading the in case I die letter that Joe wrote. And the letter is, the letter is like, I'm dying.

You need to be a samurai now. And I was like, is she gonna hunt the white guy down? What is that? Is that unconditional too, but no. It's just the classic sort of blood, blood. And then we see you're at the graveyard, cause Joe died. Or at least they're trying to convince you

that Joe died because. And super. Joe walks up. Just as ever. And it was Billy's grave. She was lay in a flower on. Remember the dead husband. And I wanted Joe so badly to be like, yeah, turns out kidney transplants are a relatively not dangerous procedure. And the fact, the incredibly unlikely fact that they had a kidney for me was Really fantastic So I'm fine now, but I'm not gonna take any antibiotics, so you know Those things are from the devil you know, they're like vaccines and like literally like his VO Bleeds right into her vio

yes yes she finds god's love thanks to a voice over conversation with joe and uh... now she's all of a sudden wearing clothing that fits her so she can be extra good looking for the big finale which is when she opens door in the rain all for a flocks sake well because her children's book are published. Well, yeah, right. And Tiny Tim was reading it right along with her.

When she read, I wrote in my notes, oh my god, Keisha shut the fuck up. Yeah, oh, North voice was so bad too. It just gave her enough lines to like, you know, pay her, I guess. But yeah, no, that closing shot, though, after that, she, it's pouring down rain and they have this ridiculous, like like her opening the barn with both arms and shit She opens the doors up into the rain and she says that

What if God's love is like the Sun? Except the Sun could stop you from getting raped but doesn't Exactly wait anyways credits that literally it's just like what if god's love is like the sun it's always there and we just can't see it crests by the way in case you haven't had enough heart wrenching meaningless voiceovers

we actually get the real joe bradford that this movie is cut up based on coming in for voiceover to ask us for money at the end of it. Go to unforgivable.com forward slash act, which by the way, they're trying to recruit you for Christian charities of America. It's one of the Christian big brother, big sister programs, which by the way does not involve giving kids food, but mostly involves converting children to your religion. Just quick side note. Yeah, and that's what I thought that was really the key in this whole fucking movie. Cause for a long time, I'm thinking about this movie.

I'm like, well, they're really soft pedaling the Christianity. I guess this is the kind of thing that any, you know, whatever, even a spiritual, but not religious person could say, oh yeah, I like this. Okay, this is a good message or whatever. But then at the end, it's like, and see, this is what we're all about, now give us money and I'm like,

that's why you were soft petal in the Jesus. It's like the fucking salvation army, isn't it? Sure. Because you don't want us to know that that's what this goddamn money is for. This is a really long fucking commercial for this charity, and you wanna underplay how much time is actually spent trying to teach these kids about Jesus.

Right. Yeah, so we figured him out at the end. And then we also realized that nothing actually happened in this movie. What right? We're gonna die. People were gonna kill each other. People were gonna do this, but nobody actually did any of that shit. No. Well, obviously, even if this movie was, you know, maybe a little better than what we've been watching over the last few

weeks is still the rise to the level of thumb orientation based rating systems so rather than asking how many stars you might give this movie i'll instead ask you what is the least interesting thread of this movie that still would have made a more interesting plot to follow than the actual plot uh... the security guards journey from fat to fit. He gets on atkins and just hits the gym every day. You know, he's doing weighted abs, not just repetitive abs. He really, really gets cut.

He gets cut. Run fat boy, run. I like it. I was going to go with the same guy. Actually, I was going to say the other fat cop trying to climb that fence for 90 minutes. He's just him and he gets tired and he sits down and he's all sweaty and he has to take breaks and then he tries again and he can't do it. Goes to the corner of the alley, takes a poop.

He's like, you know the problem is I just, I gotta go, I gotta get it out. Too much weight. You're gonna get a running start. I gotta get a running start. I got this. Nope, nope, nope. My other thought was maybe we could watch that horse starving to death for a while Oh right, she could like just if she'd killed herself at the beginning Yeah, that would have been nice too and while that does it for our review of unconditional that isn't gonna do it for the next episode

Just yet because we still need to get y'all rock solid and throbbing over next week show so Eli tell us what's on deck? I'm in love with a church girl. All right. Are we sure this isn't gonna be like just Partially Jesus see a little tiny looks pretty We're just gonna be careful after this last one. I was convinced that unconditional was gonna be all kind of Jesus I mean, let me let me give you let me give you the heart cell. It's got John rule and Stephen Baldwin in it Oh, and Michael Madsen Really? Yeah, yeah, I like Michael Madsen. Mmm, really? Yeah. Yeah. Shit, I like Michael Madsen. God damn it. He's fucking just ruined and everyone for me.

So this movie is apparently the story of LA's biggest drug dealer who falls in love with a church girl this title and reforms his ways because of her and Jesus. It's pretty Jesus-y in the preview. I think it's gonna be a Jesus-y enough. It seems like it's It's pretty Jesus-y in the preview. I think it's gonna be pretty Jesus-y enough. It seems like it's gonna be pretty Jesus-y. Awesome.

So with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 26 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And thereby earn early access to every episode.

You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God off of movies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slatt, Nick of Evil, Drafts on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here more by

following the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick, I'm No Illusions Promise in the Work Hard to earn another chunk next week, until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm

playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, I'm playing a game, playing a game, I'm playing up on the spot when Sam found him, but he totally killed the fuck out of her husband. Joe died because he was too busy teaching kids to read to take his antibiotics after his kidney transplant. Oh Joe, no. Oh yeah, I'm making. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha doodles are bird I'm thinking of the cup is half full but I think that's optimistic right or pessimistic at this point I don't know I don't even know if

it's shit in the cup which we and you have to drink the whole thing how many girls are there right like I can't wait to find Keesha's vengeance plot story. Oh, and I'll say. Well, I said something very funny. Yeah, we were laughing. We could hear you. Sam is reading the, in case I die letter that Joe wrote. Yep. Sorry, this movie has so la ofre, yo creo.

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