God Awful Movies - 260: Fire by Nite Episode 3

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

This week Meg Anderson joins us for an atheist review of "Fire by Nite", the Christian version of Saturday Night Live without all the sex, alcohol, and references to staying up late and possibly missing church. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

But what's brilliant is they don't understand why the Charlie Chaplin fast forward was funny. They were just like, people aren't that, I mean some people are that, it's comedy, it's comedy, it's great. I thought, I like, it was an ode to Benny Hill to me in a sketch with a little going forward, but then someone, like imagine someone was like, dude, I love the Benny Hill to me in a sketch with little going forward, but then someone like imagined someone was like, dude, I love the Benny Hill ending and then they had to Google to see if Benny Hill was a Jew and then they're like, can I disappoint you? I'm not doing my best, I should make some noise to the ending.

God awful movie. Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be 100 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. Hey, you know who's a super talented musical act? No, I don't be neither Question will maybe answer next week who knows also joining us tonight is our special returning guest master cast writer comedian and content creator, Meg Anderson. Meg, welcome back. Always happy to have you on. Hi, guys. Thank you so much. I just remember that I spent the worst night of my life with Eli Bosnick. Eli, do you remember what night that was? Oh, was it watching this movie? That was the second worst night. Selection night. Oh, wow. Yeah. So Eli, I'm a massacist when I'm around Eli.

Oh, that's right. What's funny is that you almost spent it with me then too, because Eli invited me to spend election night with him. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me at the end of this night? Donald Trump might be president. And he's like, right, you're right. You maybe you shouldn't be around people. Yeah, no, I remember I was excited to get to hang out with you

and I was like, oh, well, I guess I'll throw myself into the river by myself. You're right. You're right. It's, I mean, to be fair, we were in this weird bougie little apartment filled with like African chotch keys. These people had collected on their vacations. So there was no way Noah wasn't hucking apartment filled with like African Chachkes, these people had collected on their vacations.

So there was no way Noah wasn't hawking one of these tribal spears into some of the chat for the end of the night. So it's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag, is to whether or not that was a better or worse night. When I approached the building, I knew the pizza was gonna be really good

when I walked in. I was like, this is gonna be brick oven pie. Yeah. All right, well, now that you've reminded us all of something that was worse to watch than the movie we watched today, I want us to tell us what we're gonna be breaking down today. We are watching an episode from the Christian Variety Show

Fire by Night, which is also Donald Trump's HR policy. Oh, well done. Well done. I have like five punchlines, which is also K-Man KKK's HR policy. Oh, well done. Well done. I have like five punchlines, which is also caveman KKK's first idea, which is also the title of Anthony Scaremuchis autobiography. Fantastic. Which is, this is a stretch, which is also from the same author as the children's book, Cloudy, with a chance of Israelites. Yes. a cloudy with a chance of Israelites. Woo!

Yes. Yes. You guys watched the pilot episode of this in November. And I am shocked that Fire by Night did not destroy the entire genre of comedy variety shows after this. Because you throw out the mold when you see something like this, you're like, yeah, we can never do it again. And then this is the one when I was kind of digging into it, just as a reminder for folks,

this was produced by the largest mega church in Tulsa, the church on the move. And it was made from, it was a decade long. Yes. They made 91 episodes of this show, which answers the question, how many ways can you do a racist impression of a Jew? Yeah.

Yeah. So it turns out impression of a Jew? Yeah. Turned out 91. And Eli, how bad was this episode? Well, if you love Saturday Night Live, but the only part of it you've seen is the opening credits through your eighthiest neighbors window. Made this TV show. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. And so one of the most fun things about watching this, of course, this is the, the Christian take on Saturday night live. So it's a lot of it's done in skit comedy. And what was so fun about watching this this time is that I happen to know Magnus quite a bit about skit comedy. She's done quite

a bit of skit comedy. So I have to know, where does this show rank in terms of like in terms of finished product, not like, you know, your your buddy workshop and something like we're done with this. We're moving on. It cannot be perfected anymore. Sketch comedy. Where does this rank in terms of what you've seen before? I think this defines the genre of we'll fix it in post. I think this defines the genre of, we'll fix it in post. Which we saw with the incredible sketch of the Rebel Brothers, which I'm looking forward to talking about with you guys, which is, it's just, you watch it and you're like, this is the comedy version of when you take the cake out of the oven to early and by too early, I mean you didn't

mix the ingredients together and just break the cake. Oh, I was supposed to crack the egg. I don't know. It's in the lower tans now. So let's just sit in post. We'll fix it in post. Oh, all right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

I'm gonna go with best worst what's hot segment so Spoilers as listeners who maybe listen to the November episode they have a what's hot and Christian music segment and Again, I won't ruin it, but let's just say it goes off the rails. It's not about what's hot in Christian music. No, it isn't. Mine is the best worse is the aforementioned rubble, brothers. It is. It just is the definition of umk comfy from beginning to end.

It's like, you know, an ill-fitting pair of, you know, wash out denims. Oh, it was fucking terrible. It was brutal. It was nice that they put it up front, though, so that we saw what we were in for, right? So like, you had no illusions going forward. All right, so I was just going to go with best worse segues. And the reason it gets best worst in this is because it's get comedy.

You literally need no set, this is the entire genre requires no segue. You can just fade to black and start with a whole new skit. We'll forgive you for that. And yet they still fuck that up. Make sure to. Make sure to. Yeah. I want to say as a side note that the use of the term skit comedy as opposed to sketch comedy is totally appropriate. Like skit is like what you do in drama class when you're like, hey man, let's just do a skit together to kind of work out the scene. But like a sketch is like what it actual like what it has to be.

But this is definitely skit comedy for sure. This is a skit. All right, all right. Thank you for correctly using that term Noah. I've been Identically agreed with that's amazing. I'll appreciate that All right, then speaking of fucking up segues. We're gonna advertisement now Seriously Noah another hot pocket for dinner? What, I like hot pockets. I-I know you do, but you need some variety.

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Again, that's HelloFresh.com forward slash awful 80 and use code awful 80 for $80 off, including free shipping on your first box. Hello fresh. America's number one meal kit. Is that a second microwave? Yeah, so what I'm done with the I like I really like hot pockets. You do. Okay, everybody time to write up so too. A fire by night. This one's going to be about rebellion. Ray. Just real quick, Q, Q, quick question here before we start.

Yes, Meg. Are we sure that night is spelled N-I-T-E? God, Meg, yes. We have been over this. Okay. I just clarifying because I thought we're gonna spell night, like night, writer, and then fire like F-Y we're gonna spell night like night writer and then fire like FYRE like how That's too much. That's too much. That's too much. That's too much. Okay. That's fine. So dumb idea. So for episode two

We have second chapter of acts as our musical guest. Oh, I thought we had to Garmo and key Why we know what we can have both'll just only acknowledge one of them. It's a great idea. Yeah, it's just like their career. Okay, and for sketches. Okay, I wrote a sketch where it's like, I love rebelling. I also wrote that sketch except mine goes like this. I love rebelling. I'm in it. But just real quick, Kuku on this, is it possible that in this show, you can let me include my subtle bit about lynching? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Comedy gold. Yeah, you know what? I think we can use both. We can use both. Okay. Thank you. And then I am going to ski race that bitch Jennifer. Sorry, Dave.

I'm going to ski race Jennifer and I'm gonna beat her. That's non-negotiable. Yeah, good. Jennifer's the worst and I was gonna take her all show to figure out how to put on her ski bibs. Right, right, good. Bitch. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up on their

hood like a live from Manhattan it's the night after Friday credits right? Jesus the music says everything you need to know about this show because you just keep waiting for the lead instrument and it never shows up. Never shows up. Nope. They could not help using slurs around the saxophonist. So. Oh my God. He ended up getting a job with law and order because this is like the rejected version of the law and order.

Oh, there you go. It's literally the grainy shots of the host Blaine trying to bribe his way into a gay club. I'm. Guys got leather hat and a leather vest and he's like, come on man. But you don't tell anybody what if I clean the bathroom afterwards fine. We see a photo of the musical guest, the special musical guest, second chapter of acts. The fucking, the main guy there looks like potato famine, Gallagher. Oh, wow.

You know, it's one of those things. I know they stopped letting unattractive people make music in 1992 and that was for the best, but they really, really doubled down on the unattractive people in the Christian music scene. These people, they look like the people, the hills have eyes, villagers avoid. Like they don't pull over if they see second chapter of acts at a gas station. They're like, no, we can eat different people. I don't know. This is the thumbnail that they would use in homicide detective manuals for.

You never would have guessed it was them. But he looks just like Gallagher. He's hilarious and audience friendly. He's easily accessible. All right. So now we wrap up the credits. We meet our host, Blaine Bartle. Now, if you'll recall, we've already done the first episode of this show. His monologue, the first time could have been summed up as his cafeteria food. Am I right? So how is he going to follow up that powerful monologue? Yeah. What's better than one mediocre joke? Zero fucking jokes. Oh my God. The man

it perfected the no liner. Right? You could open for him in the Polkanos Noah. You could open for him in the Poconos Noah. That would be so good. Absolutely. And did I mean, he pitches their ski weekend. And look, nothing will tell you about the audience of this show more than the fact that they're like, yeah, literally everyone watching this show should come to our ski weekend. We have plenty of room for both of our audience members. What's crazy about that ski weekend is that,

so that is their original fundraising pitch. And it feels like someone went to, like got a free weekend in Tallahassee in exchange for the condo pitch. And they were like, I just went to the most hilarious meeting and they're like, let's go to the show. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, they're like, let's do it on the chat. You're right. I can't afford not to get it. That's great.

It's good. I can't afford not to. And then they start off hard and they never relent reminding you how many ways you could die. Well, okay. So here's the fucked up thing about this is that the ski weekend thing, it wasn't a real thing. That was just there in for this bit. No.

No. Yes. No. I don't wait. No. I can't. I cannot. I don't think it's their hasroom.

There's literally no information beyond. We're going to have a ski weekend this weekend. As a show, there's no like sign up at her. That's, you know, right. That's right in too. Yeah, that was just the theme of their comedy thing, or the thing that they did instead of comedy, was skiing and that was there in. I'm almost certain of that. My whole life has changed.

This is not a real, because it's a sloppy ski wig and pitch, but it's an insane company. It's like a baby second. Yeah, this, this makes me feel differently about things. I don't know. I believe that as much as I believe that someone floated to heaven from behind that big rock. I don't know.

He's also going to tease the awesome ending of this episode here. He's like, and by the way, stick around to the end of the show because I'm going to fight a woman. That's right. I'm going to fight a woman. That's exactly what he said. Also, never trust anyone who calls a snowsuit bib overalls. Why? What the fuck was that? Why does he say that? I hold on. I need to go back to this.

You really think it was a bit? I'm, if it's a bit, then he was like in the writers room and he was like, guys, I got a great comedy premise. We describe a possible ski weekend. I am done, Pishin. Yeah, right, because the whole thing was we were we had these hilarious ideas for the, you know, ski tips. So we go through this whole little thing where he's got always somebody drew all of these little things that they thought they were going to end it. They had a little

easel that he threw away the of all the various humorous rules of skiing that he had. Yeah, I think it was all just a setup for that bit. Oh, that's amazing. That's amazing. And this fire by night should also, the other title should be telegraphs the joke. Right. So like that this is a bit seems like not their style. Their comedy stylings are,

can you believe that we're naming them? They're doing that. It's like, all right, but literally otherwise the ski weekend was, hey, come to our ski weekend, we're not going to tell you where it is or how. I don't know which I like more. I kind of like that one too, where they held the ski weekend and then they were all sitting there by themselves.

And they're even told the what town it was going to be. I mean, where are they going skiing? Like, which like, I learned to ski in Wisconsin. So that's pretty close. It's all bunny hills, all the dirt. Right. Oh my God, that's incredible. I'm going to live in a world where that is a bit.

That's amazing. All right, so we go through this amazingly terrible attempt humor for a little while and then just out of nowhere He ends it by going like and speaking as skiing here's a biblical reference to rebellion Yes, he's like guys get it be serious for a second rebelling is just as bad as being a witch I will say that was the first time in the show that I cracked the fuck up when he says, and I quote, the Bible says rebellion is a sin of witchcraft. See man, this is, this is the kind of stuff. This is the dogland.

I was kind of stuff I don't get because what I do know according to the book I do trust is that rebel was dumbledore's cat. And rebel, this joke is so bad that I wrote. I'm a rebel was the original transgendered. I can't even say this fucking joke. Rebel was transphobic, not JK Rowling. Rebel wrote those tweets. I knew it. I knew it. I knew Rebel wrote those transphobic tweets because she was rebelling against what it is. Here's the other question is where in the Bible does it say that and who are they rebelling against? Is it against Jesus?

Is it against the Romans? Like I just, I can't keep up with the bullshit justification. Yeah, rebelling against the Romans seems like they encouraged that. Yeah, it's weird. All right, so we wrap up this monologue and then we get our first bit. This is their chubby friend doing his Carl the Pug of Pag of Corn voice. Yes. What is the Carl the Pug of Pag of Cord?

He's a character using one of the two voices I do that we put in our ads. Oh my god. Yeah, no, that was me making fun of Eli's voice work actually. It's an intro. Meg, I have a vital question because you taught him, probably you were my teacher. Yeah. Is this character that we have in this bit top 100 terrible characters you have ever seen? This character, the only character that I saw was dumber than this was in the second sketch

of this show. So it goes, this is number two, the Rebel Brothers. And number one. Yeah, well, the three characters in that one, yeah, one are tied for first. That's correct. Yeah, it was really, this was really bad. This was watching this guy was like, if a dad tried to teach his kids a lesson, like he's dressed up almost prisoner from New York, right? Yeah.

But like he's trying to teach his kids a lesson about rebellion, but the kids in real life had already been placed in protective custody against him. Did you read? Who are you doing this for? in place in protective custody against him. Did you read? Who are you doing this for? Because you've made bad choices so far, and this is just one and a litany of them. Who, the tiniest, subtlest moment about this sketch,

which is only 10 seconds long, is that he has failed to wrap a box of cigarettes into his t-shirt. He's in a way that a mystifying to me. And I'll think about it every night before I go to bed for the rest of my life, because what he's done is he's obviously folded it once and then applied some sort of twist to the fabric, not understanding that a second fold was required. It's, I honestly expected him to turn around at the end and just cigarettes come pouring

out of the back of his t-shirt. This is take 847. Well, I mean, that's amazing. That's like, that's like the old to like a bad boy. It's like, yes, like if, you know, John Travolta from Greece was their version of the baddest rebel that ever lived. Absolutely. Yeah.

So we get his little skit. And then we move on to the skit we've been teasing the rebel brothers, which it opens up on a photo of two people trying to make a baby stop crying for their first time ever using nothing but funny faces and props, right? Yeah, this is like the Olen Mills studio frustrated photographers the moment before they put their job. Okay, so I have a theory and then I need to explain what happened as I watched this. My theory is someone saw an eighth of a second of a clip of the two wild and crazy guy sketch.

And that's what they're trying to do. Yes. Okay. You're 100% correct. Yes. Okay. You're 100% correct. Thank you. They saw that sketch moments before an object fell on their head. And then they woke up and said, I came up with an idea that no one has ever done for a sketch.

Yeah. Well, and they're doing these voices as though they had no idea they were going to be doing sketch comedy today, right? Like no one told them they're doing these voices as though they had no idea they were gonna be doing sketch comedy today, right? Like no one told them. They're like, fuck voices. Jesus, one character just changes voices entirely halfway through. Also, this is where we get introduced

to their terrible laugh track. Oh, I've never said this before. They deserve a refund for this laugh track. They accidentally bought the sarcastic one. They finished a joke and you can hear like click. Aw, click. I mean, no, this is gonna go to your polka nose bit, but it's like the left track is so,

it's so unfunny, the left track isn't even laughing. Yeah. Right, no, so the, I feel sorry for whoever's queueing this thing, cause like when, right? Like when do you even turn it on? And oh, but it is so fucking bad. And then so these two guys come on. And they're doing like, you've ever seen like the uncle

who doesn't know the difference between a seven year old and a 13 year old and his kind of scared of kids being asked to entertain the kids for a minute. Yes. They're doing his stick for like three or four minutes. So it took me a couple of viewings of this sketch to get the like joke of the sketch. Because I think the game of the sketch is that in a verbally abusive house of an emotionally violent family of developmentally disabled methodic and stoner.

Finding a way to stand up for yourself will get you arrested by two strippers in military costume. That's all right. And you know what, that's a great summary of this sketch. Now I, I have a question about the voices because I watched this in the room with my wife and my mother who was visiting and they made very, very strong arguments that they were making fun of people with disabilities. Absolutely.

But I think that was just them being quote unquote silly. I don't think they were aiming for disability. Well, so here's the thing though, in the 80s, just being silly and making fun of somebody with a disability was like one in the same totally. Right? Like we didn't distinguish between those two things. Your mom was around. She just didn't want to tell you about it.

You know she could have told you that. But yeah. I mean this is like reach for the stars and you get the moon. This is reach for silly and you get making fun of development lead. Oh, that's a t-shirt. Can we get that t-shirt? So please, Angelo. Also, I love that it's the military, right?

Why not cops? Yeah, okay. So just to keep the, just to catch the audience up here. So these characters are being rebellious, right? They come in after curfew and they cut the tag off of the, they can't cut the tag off of the cushioned tag. They cut that tag off of us. They're so rebellious. And then at the end of the skit, two soldiers come in and arrest them. Yes. Two soldiers. Yeah, soldiers. And I assume it's soldiers because they didn't have police uniforms.

They had military uniforms for their anti-communism sketch that got cut even from this. That's the only thing I can say. Yeah, or that, and this is so occurred to me. They never said where this sketch was set. So if it's set in Russia in 1950, then that makes sense. Who's working in the new year? Or if it's set in any large American city in 2020. Yeah, right. Exactly. It was set in Portland. Yeah. This is set in someone. There's like just wait for 30 years, this joke is gonna hit hard. All right, and so then so blame transitions out of this skit, right?

They arrest the kids for being too rebellious and then blame transitions out of it by sitting on a bar stool going the Oxford English Dictionary to find segue as and then he hits us with a Bible quote. That was fun. Anyway, you'll be swallowed by sorts if you don't say what your parents want you to say. Is this the opportunity that we can talk about Blaine himself? Please.

He, as the host of this show, is what I like to see. He's like Phil Hartman, a film Hartman who was like a humorless co-gaddled porn addict. That is on show. And so can we talk about the like research I did on Blaine, who this guy is like, please, because this is so revelatory. Yeah, right.

We talked about it the first time we went through the, the first episode that we did, but this is the kind of thing that bears revisiting. So you guys already talked about that. He started the Kickstarter to push his online ministry to help men affected by porn. By porn addiction, yes. That's special.

Okay, good. Yeah, chopping wood. Shopping wood. Yes. I will never get over the call that chopping wood. I'm sure you've joke about this and forgive me audience if you already have a side for this, but was it intentional or was it like he was actually chopping wood and he's like,

this will be good and no one can ever make fun of this. I just, I felt like at the time I felt like what, you know, I was in the same space as I was with the whole wax on wax off thing on the karate kid movie. Did he realize that he made it wax off and and then finally the answer. We were given the answer when he made the updated one with Jackie Chan and turned it to jacket on jacket off. You know, so he was obviously was trying to get it now. So yeah, I think I think he was in on the choke.

I don't know. It would honestly be the first time Blaine Bartle was ever funny. So probably not. That's, yeah, that's fair to. So this section is where Blaine is going to recount the time he won an argument. He 100,000 percent did not have with a random youth. He wanted freedom. Oh, God. Yeah, I was standing around the other day when three young people came up and said, hey, let me set you up for a fucking hypothetical argument later.

Yeah. So this is when the three freedom-loving kids came up and said that they wanted the freedom to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, however they wanted, right? I always find it suspicious when someone pretty aggressively talks about a group of young people who quote approach me. It's like, we know you were out soliciting prostitutes, dude. Like, we get, and then you had this argument with prostitutes.

Yeah, right. If anyone is going to get into an argument about the Bible with the prostitute, he's soliciting, it's blame. Right? This is blame. And you know what? This is another thing. Also what I love very much is,

so Blaine then does an impression of the young people, quote, prostitute, who asked him questions, but the impression he does is like, really mean impression. It's just kind of like, he's like, they were like, what's freedom? Why can't we be free?

Which is every wife's impression of their husband? I want freedom to do the dishes. freedom. Why can't we be free, which is every wife's impression of their husband? I want freedom to do the dishes. Yeah, I'm a bit like, I was like, whoa, Blaine, did you're taking a date? All right. They just want you to pay the pimp. I don't know. I could be wrong. Yeah, but so his, his amazing retort here though is that like, you know, you can't have freedom because the kids are though, I want to be free to do whatever I want whatever I want and he's like yeah okay freedom like I'm gonna then I'm gonna go fuck your girlfriend and punch you in the face how you like that bitch right which is like almost literally is come back yes yes and that is like dude whoa that's like the that's like the, that's like the friend that's like, Jesus, I didn't realize how much crack you smoked, dude. I'm taking home, taking home, taking home, taking home.

So we'll get him an Uber, get him an Uber. Uber pool, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Uber pool, if somebody else has to deal with him, that's actually better. Yeah. I love that in his show, in a dialogue that he created, he loses to an invisible fake child, right? He is 97 years old and in the story he made up, a kid was like, I don't know, I want to

be able to do what I want. And he was like, oh, rape someone. Why? Is that my counter? This is just like, this is the first of several examples that he gives of what quote, freedom and rebellion is. And it's like, dude, they're probably talking about like,

hey, like I wanna be able to like make my own decisions about who, you know, what clothes I wear? Why spend time with her, where I go? And they're like, you want to do some date rape? You want me to get out of that? That's right. You took the right. No one said that.

Ha ha ha ha. Blade, you brought that up all on Solicited, man. Ha ha ha. Every time we talk, you bring up date rape and violence. Do you? Ha ha ha. You should talk to someone, Blaine. You should kickstart this.

I need to kickstart this. All right, so, and now is the time on Fire by Night when we dance, apparently. This is the second chapter of Acts Music. Break the first of two. Second chapter of Acts. We have to sit through. And, listener, this is on YouTube.

You should absolutely watch this musical number, but just in case you're in a car and you wanna know what these people look like, it's the photos of your mom in the 80s, twice, and Yanni. They go, you just pictured second chapter of that. His hair is so wispy. It's like a fog of hair. It's like he fog of hair.

It's like he started to get hair plugs and then explained that he didn't have the money for the hair plugs and they were like, fine, you get three, four foot long strands of hair. Hope you enjoyed those. This is the guy who you're like, wait a second, that's not the guy who is addicted to porn. Are you sure? Yeah, right. I'm not going to say that. second, that's not the guy who is addicted to porn. Are you? Right. Well, we don't know that he wasn't to write. It's not like an either or necessarily heading

a cot. But if you told me those three people have children handcuffed to the radiators, I would say how many? Right. Absolutely no question. They fight over like the good radiator. The good radiator in the house. There's no way. Also, the way they sing was impressive in its insanity, because this is just, they're holding open their mouths as wide as humanly possible.

So I'm amazed they managed to, like, based on the visual representation, all of their songs should have been like, jazah, salah, mah. Well, and also let's talk about the song itself too, because it had this fucking all bridge feel to it, right? Like they had gotten into a fight about whose song they were gonna sing, and now everybody's just gonna, when it's their turn to do a solo, they're gonna do something from a different god damn song,

and there's some poor organist trying desperately to keep up somewhere. That organist grew up and they wrote the song X-A-L-F. That is the music. It's like awesome though. Like come on, it's my favorite character in this entire performance. This musical number cost my wife to yell, you aren't queen at the TV. So this song is definitely about the same guy that they're all fucking, but none of them realize it. All that makes the lyrics so much better. He can buy everybody's saying about it. Because I don't

specifically say the Lord, like they do a lot of other songs to Jesus. They're like, he gave me fire. I was like, I think they're talking about Freddie Mercury, but I don't know. All right. So they wrapped that. So the the bucket, I think the organ is quits, right? Because they're all still singing when the music stops. So they wrapped that up. And then they reprise the Muscogee vice bit that they did in the previous episode. Oh, they do. Oh, this is a running sketch, Mac, just so you're aware that this had the legs for a third episode.

Yes. Just for real. Well, when you see it, you're like, I need to see more. I want more. I'm absolutely learning this for sure. And I want to talk about the very opening because they more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more.

I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more.

I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. a quarter of a second, but then you can tell he's just glaring with the utmost white hot hatred at the actor who he plays for his very serious injury.

Well, and okay, so and they're doing a Miami vice bit here. So that means that for the first time in the show, they have to include an African American, right? Yeah, who it took me a couple of viewings and close up look. I was like, is that a guy in blackface? Right. Yeah. I did it trusted, but then I was like, okay, I think it's this is someone who is actually

not in blackface. And so I should point out to the audience that normally it's really, we normally avoid doing bad comedy on God off of movies because it's hard to describe bad comedy in a way that's funny, right? Because you're describing how funny it isn't. This show is such an exception to that rule because where they try to get their humorous stuff like, why those hats are far too big to be practical, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. At best, at best. Usually, their comedy source is just like, remember, this is like a real thing. Yeah, I get that they can't cause and stuff, but it's being funny as sin. I don't understand it.

Yes, it is. And it's funny because it's like, I keep thinking of like, who's the audience? So this is the audience they're still trying to give this to go on a ski weekend, right? I like this. The audience who they've duped into thinking a ski weekend is possible in February. And they're all based in like, they would think that an oaky from the scogi joke is, but this is the same crowd that protested Vietnam protesters. And they were like, yes. Right.

Merle Haggard was correct. Now I have an alternate take, which is maybe Muskegee Vice's totally serious cop show to them. Oh my God. They're like, when did this become a drama? I don't understand. But I'm loving it. So the interesting thing though is that the intended audience is kids in a church who aren't allowed to leave.

Right? And that's what they're doing, basically what they're trying to sell. So they're not trying to sell the kids that are watching it. They're trying to sell the adults that are going to make the kids watch it, right? So what they're going to do is they're going to put a bunch of prayers and bullshit in there to make the religious people

happy. And they're going to be like, and funny hats and shit, right? Kids love funny hats. And that's good enough, apparently, for 91 episodes. Nice. But if the only time you talk to your kid is when you hit them, you're probably thinking, we're kids like funny hats.

Oh my God. Just saying. And my hit, you mean love. Okay. And they do. I they do. I love the homo erotic undercurrent of this buddy duo, which yes, it's like front facing motorcycle riding stroking. They were like cocked guns and like the Don Johnson guy was like, I got unnecessarily wearing like a tight

tank top and a diamond bowl low, which I was impressed. Yeah, that they found. Like is that necessary? It is actually. It was in Blaine's writer. And this homerotic couple is they've been tasked to arrest a rebellious kid. So we're cutting between them jumping around all silly and stuff, doing their cop bid. And this rebellious kid who correct me if I'm wrong is about to punch his mother in the face any second. Correct. I feel like they just asked these two actors to improvise rebelliousness but without

specificity. So he's just like, I'll do the thing if I want to. Oh no, you won't young man. Tell me to not. I will. Don't. Okay, wait. So if that's true, then they didn't discuss

what their motives were. The like mom's moment before is like, he stays out to wait. And then the like the, the Cobra Kai son, who's the Cobra Kai's backstory, he's like, I just raped a bunch of farm animals. Oh, right. I'm like, because both of those stories are true.

You're responsible for your action. He's a repeat offender goat rape car. That's what you're gonna make. Makes sense. It does make sense. So yes, so they come into a rest of them and I have to talk about this very specific line here because Blaine Bartle, he's playing the Don Johnson character because of fucking course he is. Turns to the mom and he says we're going to take him downtown we're going to

change his attitude we're going to buck him. Yep. Thank you. Thank you. You're going to buck him. I also so I believe it is we're going to book him. Oh, I've very much heard. I've very much heard. We're going gonna fuck him and I was like fire by night episode three. Oh my god, I miss that. I miss that. Book him that makes way more sense. Okay. I guess he was trying to do some kind of ex-sanner. So, boy, you know, it's really bad when a guy from Oklahoma makes fun of another guy from Oklahoma's accent. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. So, so they take the rebellious kid downtown and then they have the scene where they're like trying to break him under the hot lights and everything they're interrogating them. And they tell him he's going to go to hell for being all pissy with his mom and that doesn't work. And I threaten him with spoilers and that doesn't work. Not just spoilers, spoilers for the end of Rocky V.

Yeah. Yeah, that's already spoiled. I'm just saying. Yeah. He says, and this is what he actually says, you've forced me to do to you what you should never wish on another human being. And I paused and got ready because this is Christian television program. But yeah, the answer is spoiling the end of Rocky 5.

Yeah. So what happened to this guy that that's the worst thing that someone did? And then the crazy ending that he had. Yeah, well, it would have been better than the actual ending of Rocky 5. But, but what I love here too is how quickly they have to get out of this skit. Right? Like, are they just suddenly realized they have no ending? So one of the guys says, well, you know, rebellious kid, Jesus loves you. And the kid is like, you know what? He does shit.

I'm sure sorry that I was mean to my mom. This skits over. Sure is. But he does shit. I'm sure sorry that I was mean to my mom. This skits over. Sure is. And Sleeve. As someone who regularly writes sketches where all the characters at the end die because I don't know how to write an ending. I look it down on this sketch. That's amazing.

Did you guys, did you guys hear when Blaine was in with asking Cobra Kai and I say Cobra Kai because the guy who played him honestly looked just wasn't with asking Cobra Kai and I say Cobra Kai because the guy who played him honestly looked just like the actor played Cobra Kai. He had a red kind of like Bruce Springsteen bandana and like cut off. Yeah. And the same blonde hair quote that's the villain. He said kids who don't lose their attitude go to Detroit. Did you hear him say that? Did he? Ooh. See, honestly, 1986, yeah, that makes sense.

Detroit was like, it was pretty rough back then. I was gonna say, that's Noah Luzion's backstory, so that makes a lot of sense. Oh my God. Ooh. Wait a second, this is the Noah Luzion's, this is your history. I did beat the shit out of Ralph Modge,

you're back in the day. I will say that, my God. It's been a 259 episode con for Noah to tell his tale. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, well now that I know that they're gonna recycle material two episodes into this series, I need to take up drinking. So we're gonna take a quick break,

but we'll be back in a minute with even more. Fire by night. Welcome to big cell phone company stand over there. Oh, okay. I mean there's no one else in the store. Are you gonna next? Is that me? Yes.

Okay great. Yeah no. I was wondering if you could help me do something about this whopping cell phone bill and all of these hidden fees. Oh no, we got another one. You're going to switch to Mint Mobile, aren't you? What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile provides the same premium network coverage you're used to but at a fraction

of the cost because everything's online. I mean, Mint Mobile saves on retail locations and overhead and then passes those savings directly to you. No, I was hoping you could do something about my bill here at Big Cellphone company. Oh, let me see. I guess I could sign you up for a family plus plan where you share one cell phone with your family plus their family's family for just $458 billion a month. Okay, so that's the opposite of what I want. Oh, okay. Well, you probably want Mint Mobile,

because you could cut your wireless bill down to just $15 a month. Wait, hold on a second, $15 a month. Yup, every plan comes with unlimited nationwide talk and text. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and keep your same phone number, along with all your existing contacts. That is so much less than I'm paying you!

It is, it really, really, really is. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to MintMobile.com-slashcam. That's MintMobile.com-slashcam. Cut your wireless bill down to 15 bucks a month at mit mobile dot com slash cam yeah yeah i'm gonna go to mit mobile see you uh... don't don't go yet what if i told you you were eligible for a new phone upgrade okay does that mean that you're just gonna sell me a new phone at the manufacturer's suggested retail price but say the word upgrade first? Yes, then no.

Oh, lost another one. Okay, everybody, welcome to improv for Christians. This is the special course you petition the theater to have over threat of lawsuit. So we're saying yes and. My name is Meg. Sorry, excuse me, Mrs. Anderson. Hi, Mike. You could just call me Meg. Sorry, excuse me, Mrs. Anderson. Hi, Mike. You could just call me Meg.

Not till we're married, I can't. I'm already married, but. Okay, so, can we do improv without any SE cross-talkie sticks in it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. I'm sure we don't you don't have to reference any kind of physical body touching. Oh, and and drugs. No drugs. Yes. Okay, Alan, right? Yeah. Okay. No drugs. Nobody touching. Totally fine. And by that. And we also, we want to include, of course, in drugs. And by that, and we also, we wanna include, of course,

in drugs, we mean alcohol and caffeine and tobacco use as well. That's a pretty strict definition of drug, but that's okay, whatever makes you feel safe on stage, it's my goal, is it? Can we keep politics out of it? And also, oh, and movies, TVs, and music that isn't appropriate for our audience. Yeah. Okay, yeah, I mean, we're starting to kind of limit things

with drug politicians, music, movies, everything like that. We're just not, you know, really we're focusing on the funny is when actors tell the truth on stage. Ha ha ha ha. No, no, we can't do that. What do you think Christianity is? So kind of free for all? Great. Why don't we just do a scene Mike and Ellen you're up. Oh

Boy Dave I sure am hungry That's it. That's literally everything we can talk about is it. Yep, and scene great. Okay, Clot think that's it for the course. I think we're done. Sure, I like the one where you were hungry. And we're back for more of this shit. And we're gonna open up on another, God, they had no original ideas for this episode. It's another reprise. We're gonna open up on another Jerusalem news update, which I'm sure will be more tasteful than the last one.

Oh, it's so good. It's like they got feedback that their due voices were too broad, so they're trying to pull them back, but they won't stop all the way doing them. I just, having not seen the pilot, I can't believe that I had to wait this long for a juice catch. Right. So, yeah. So we meet our fucking host in our correspondence, fucking

Irving Bergenstein, Oh, what's he, June? Right? Nate Cobblstein, you mean, and Irving Ravenberg? Yes. Jesus. The characters that were named that because someone told them Billy Graham's Christian variety show already used the name, Julie, Mick, Jew, faceface and Baruch a time going to hell. Oh, it's so bad. At one point, one of the guys says, Oy Vey, like a white guy who just got permission from his black friend to use the N word this one time. Oh, Oy Vey. Oh my God.

Alright, so the idea here is that they're interviewing Jonah, right? Jonah is just escaped from the belly of the great fish and he's on his way to Nineveh to preach to him about God's wrath, but they're correspondent is caught up with Jonah and is getting the skinny about that story, right? And I just want to throw this out there. These fucking apologists are not sticking to the Bible. It's a fish, not a whale. It's a fish.

It's so, they do both in this. He's like, you know, you got swelled by a giant fish, presumably a whale. I'm like, not a fish, asshole. We don't know much, but we know it ain't a fish. Anyway. They're really hitting the Joe card. I mean, they had to like plant little fish to be fish food and it was like, yeah, I was less focused on that and more focused on the fact that the interview with Jonah when he came out, I had the same verbatim conversation

with a crazy person on a downtown A train once. Did they film that? Did they film that? Did they film me? Right, and that guy also pulled a fish out of the back of his collar at some point through it. I mean, got it. One point, the guy says, know what I mean, Vern. It's just like, you're borrowing bits from commercials that are funnier than your skin, huh?

Well, I appreciate the earnest, the earnest reference. You know, I was like, you know what I do know what you mean? And you've got that thing. I mean, that thing, that's the thing. When they go far out, they hook the kids and their back. Simpsons is a little for adults, a little for kids. That's what this is, too. Oh, I see.

I see paving the way. Yeah. So yeah, and the whole time, of course, like, at a certain point, the commentator turns to the camera and is like, well, there you have it. The kind of shit you have to believe to take this book, literally, whoops. Why the hell did we do this? And the way they're dressed is as if they had just rated the church's Christmas page and some golly costumes.

I wanna be all the wise men. And they're like a Dan Acroid impression would be funny in this. Absolutely, yeah, for sure. So we interview Jonah, then we see Jonah running often in a va in like, you know, Charlie Chaplin style fast forward comedy. But what's brilliant is they don't understand why the Charlie Chaplin fast forward was funny. They were just like, people aren't that, I mean, some people are that.

This is comedy. It's comedy. It's great. It was. I thought I lie. It was an ode to Benny Hill to me in a sketch with little going forward, but then someone like imagine someone was like, dude, I love the Benny Hill ending. And then they had to Google to see if Benny Hill was a Jew. And then they're like, can I disappoint? I'm like, today is my first time standing. So, there's so many comedians we can't use guys.

So okay, yeah. So then we cut from that skit to blame, chat it up with the band. And I love this so much because the opening line, this is how bad Blaine is, and interviewing the opening line is, well, you guys have been performing for 14 years. How have you stayed together for that long? And their answer is like, we're all siblings dumb ass. long. And their answer is like, we're all siblings dumbass. And man, behind the music has nothing on the depression of this 35 second inner word these people say just brings you

into a darker, sadder world. Man, it is really, really a bummer. Well, and also that question from Blaine makes the viewers realize Blaine doesn't know what family is. And also he's thinking about porn for the entire interview. He's just a real weird way to get seen that he saw. Not that she wanted it because the question, well, the second question is, how do you guys rebel like when the whole episode is about rebuilding from their parents and he's like, and then the potato famine Gallagher is like, our parents died. Yeah, and so then we stayed together and you're like,

holy shit, you're a fucking monster blame. Right, yes. Right, well, so and that's how tragic and terrifying the story is, right? You're a fucking monster, Blaine. Right. Yes. Right. Well, so and that's how tragic and terrifying the story is, right? Because we start off listening to the older sister who's significantly older than the other two. And she's like, yeah, you know, and you're like, you get the impression very early on that she's a crazy person because she says, and I quote, the Lord taught me how to play

piano and write songs. I was like, wow, you think the Lord would write better songs, but okay. And then we learned that like her two younger siblings, their parents died and she had to take care of them. So these two, you know, seven and five year olds had to go live with batch, shit, crazy Christian older sister who thinks God taught her how to play the piano. Well, I mean, to be fair, that piano teacher now has a savior complex. And they get so close to accidentally telling this tragic story honestly,

but they have the older brothers just like, yeah, I mean, our parents died and she had been married. And we didn't really talk that much before we lived with her. So I guess a band is not the worst thing that could have happened in that scenario. Shrug, I'm on television. I'm going to keep this in the show. What is, what if the older sister, what if the two younger siblings were like, you said that we were abandoned? Yes. And then the older sister was like, no, you're in abandoned now. And they're like, fuck.

And then of course, blame with his great interview style steps in again. And he says, uh, so if all of you guys were, I don't know, on a TV show that children were being forced to watch, what would you tell them? Well, here's what's great. And I thought this question was posed insanely, but it's going to pay off in the best way. He's like, each of you in a sentence or two and no more just one sentence. One sentence is all that you have. What is your message for young people?

But again, you only have one sentence is two max. And he says that in such a weird way. But then the first lady, the answer is talks for 75. All right. Blaine, I take it back. She goes at one point. She's like, don't be afraid of what's inside you. And I wrote in less than some vagina, though. And if that's what's and then be terrified of that.

Yes. Correct. And if it's a vagina, see, for me, when I heard that, I was like, he's talking about what's inside of you is dreams. And by dreams, she means the DNA of strangers in Los Angeles. And by DNA, she means, come, come of terrible people. Yeah. So, and then they have to deal with this kind of awkward thing about how they love freedom because America, America, but they hate freedom because you're supposed to submit to Jesus.

So they try to get around that by saying, and I quote, the more we submit, the freer we are. Yeah. It's like there's a cult. and you've been there for a weekend because you thought you were renting an Airbnb. And now not the leader of the cult but someone high up in the cult is explaining that the leader of the cult wants to have sex with you and claim his children as your own. That's how they're describing Jesus. And also I'd like a good review. Why?

That's amazing. It's just like, this is where it's like, how can we not have any understanding that the proselytizing is like so obvious and it's so uncomfortable. It's like the way that they're talking about Jesus is like, he's like, hey, kid, look, I know you've gone through a major tragedy

and you're vulnerable, whatever, but I have a higher status here. Jesus, he wants you to desire. Just let it happen. Yeah, God is a weirdly needy dude for being omnipotent. But there's a lot of that in there There's a lot of that like are you God bought you a very nice gift and you didn't even show up and he had a whole dinner Susper say I also love at one point one of the one of the sisters says

God isn't the image in our brain. I just I love how often their definitions of God start with what he isn't because they can't actually define what he is and make it make any fucking sense. So they start off with, well, he's not a hat. That's what I've got. Yeah. You guys are exposed to this, so you have a higher tolerance, but to have to watch just this garbage and keep the trend of like convinced you that this is the only way to do it is like, oh, just, it made me want to be addicted to porn, so I wouldn't have to do that anymore. Yeah, by the end of this fucking answer, we're all yelling like, Blaine said a censor to you, mother fuckers. You shatting mother fucker. And then we get a window into what Seth Andrews was banging his head to in November of 1986 with Eli's best worst what's hot segment. Oh my God. I love these album covers and these videos. I love the way the big guitar sting at the beginning, drowns out their host and they don't know how to fix it.

The host is the thumbnail of a rapist on college campuses. Absolutely no question. Oh, Ron Lucien is pre-mullet. Oh, and let's just be clear, because we've seen one of these before. The What's Hot segment is supposed to be, here's how the cool music going on in Christian music. He cannot manage it. Instead, he gets about half a sentence into talking about how DeGarmo and Key are getting a little too mainstream. And then he rants about Billy Eidl's penis for six minutes and then it's over. Yeah, the pale face British rocker. What the best inculc-leens saw you could come up with. This is a crew where the whiter the better. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah. I think that was John Lithgow sermon from the first strap of footless.

You go back to what's hot segment is the same. Oh God, it was so good. He's talking about a Christian music. He gets two songs in or two albums that are whatever and then he's like, but you know, sometimes people think rock is about rebellion. Look at Billy Idol. He's the double. He's saying naked with a penis, a penis, no less.

And then the fucking ex- and then it's a bit of a do-do-do-do-do-do. That's what's hot. That's what's hot. Oh God. And then as if that wasn't crazy enough, fucking blame cocaine Zannos for a minute right? We go back to blame and all the entire notes on this entire little

Sermony gives is just dot dot dot what? Plank cocaine Zannos is going to be my next mad live entry and then blame cocaine. He's like, look, I know you're not a bad person, but you are. You should listen to whatever God says. I don't know. Yeah, he says. So this is now the second time that he's brought up the examples of what rebellion are. And he has, in the stylings of comedy, he has followed the heightening rule, right?

So he has heightened to super violent and inappropriate, kicking mothers in the face and doing drugs every day, playing, you need to be humble to rehab. Yeah, he really did ramp the fuck up compared to the rebellion we've been dealing with up to that point. Like all he's doing is giving the viewers good ideas. You know, somewhere in his house, there was a note card with examples of rebellion

and it was kick mom and face, drugs every day, steal girlfriend punch face, which totally. And then it turns, oh God, Jesus, it turns into a sitcom again. In case they can get the full hour soda die. It's time for everyone's favorite C segment of fire by night family first. And I just want to say this is where I realized that family first isn't actually a sitcom. It's just fuck the older sister in the TV show.

a sitcom, it's just fuck the older sister, the TV show. Like, okay, yeah. Because the first episode, the older sister, she wants to talk on the phone. And then the third episode, so I looked ahead, spoiler alert for the rest of the times that we do this 91 episode series, it is always the sister's fault. There's never a reason for any of the other characters in the show. Oh my god. Wow, well, this is the best worst sunny decommersial I ever had. And by the way, we should point out, of course, once again, in

case you missed the first episode, we did it this first of all, Blaine is in this as well. He's the older son, right? The, he's the, the Alex P. Keaton of this show. And also the people playing his parents, well, at least the guy playing his father is the same goddamn ages him because he's in his 30s. Sure is. This is a weird vent for planes like I still look like a high schooler needs. And it has weakened from episode one where he made everyone insist that he was the captain of the football. Yes. But he is now the star of a movie. So what's amazing about family first is we get to watch them punish a woman forever wanting a thing, a little boy who no one will ever pay attention to, and blame to live

out a series of more and more upsetting fantasies about his view. Right. Oh my God. But, you know what, I do love a good fake TV opening credits. Yeah. I will watch 91 episodes of Girl Not Living Her Dreams because of a like laughy talk into the old kind of phone bit. I'm an I love that bit. Also, there is nothing like an earnest non-ironic spiky mullet. Oh, yeah. Amen.

Amen. And a apparently shoe polish beard. Okay. Yeah. Yes, we're talking about Dad's beard now. Yes. He looks like Christian cinema's first drag king. You were saying like it's very first attempt.

Oh my God. I thought he was a professional hobo. I thought he was the guy that played the Tubbs character in the Muscogee vice skip, but he hadn't cleaned his face all the way up. No, oh my God. Yeah, I can buy that. Also, did you notice that some of the people who were sitting at the table, the actors

had their lines where he says, no pads? Yes, he did. He's also right. So they leaned down and grabbed it. And that is how iced tea does his lines in long order. This show and iced tea, yep. But I challenge you to be honest, watch iced tea. He's always carrying a note pad in law and order. And it's because he has there's lines written into them. Amazing.

All right. Challenging question who hates Jews more the people that made this show or iced tea. Oh my god. I can't speak to that. All right. So then we get a knock on the door and it's a V. Dork friend Clarence. He's there to get Blaine call me Doug for this bit Bartle and show him his cool new camcorder, which is going to be like the B plot of this episode. Yeah. And after the rebellion, brothers, I just want to say I really appreciate Clarence's really subtle performance here.

I always had to say actor who did that. See, he totally transformed. I like that his nickname was the big man. Oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah, he's like the Blaine walks in. He's like, what's a big man? And I was like, yeah, that's an ode to Clarence Big Man Clemens from East Street band. We wait a second.

Blaine is admitting he listens to rock and roll music. What's next? Porn. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jesus, I love that like his, his dorky friend comes in and says, Hey, look, I just got a cheap camcorder. We could make a TV show. And I'm like, this is the origin story, isn't it?

We just went mad at. We're, well, though, isn't it? We just went mad. No, weird. Well, though, isn't a camcorder back then? weren't they like $6,000? That one, no, but yeah, yeah, I don't know. I guess they were, they were still pretty expensive at that point. He's been selling drugs to Blaine. He's got the extra cash.

Oh my God. Completely. I like that the 25 year old N old narc daughter made her dad promise to drop her off at school, but a block from school. And I was like, oh boy, you know that whole bullfather's been exposing himself to the cheerleaders. Yeah, right.

He's like a hundred yards as close as I can get anyway. It's fine. That's fine. It works out for both of us. And just one little thing I want to touch on about this breakfast scene, son who will never matter. The youngest son, he spends the entire scene just roasting his sister and or giving off

warning signals of violence, like the entire time. She's like, oh boy, I can't wait to get a job in her in my own money. And he was like, fucking holler. And they're like, you scaly, wake. Oh, yeah. I guess I should probably mention that too. The thing is how that's gonna be the plot of the episode here is that we learned at the breakfast scene that the daughter Connie is got a job interview

and she's gonna make her own money now. And then she does the joke about, I got a clerical job, not a clerical job. Yeah, what? No. She's fucking crazy. Again, we're working in a world where I didn't quite What? No. Fucking Christ. Again, we're working in a world where I didn't quite hear you is a comedy premise.

So, yeah, so that afternoon we learned that Connie got the job and I just wrote my notes here like, I'm terrified of where this plot line is going to wind up. Like anytime you see fucking female autonomy in a Christian production, it's not going to go well. Yeah, it's not never independence for women doesn't go well in this genre. Oh God. But mom says she's like, I got the job and the mom goes, what kind of people will you be working with?

And I'm like, mom, is that a race thing or a Jewish thing? It's definitely one of them. It's definitely. It's the strangest question you could ask a child when they reach employment. Hey, I got the job not how much does it pay? What hours will you be working? Just like names of who will be there? Yeah, look, what good thing could that possibly mean? But is it, but that's what that's the code the Nazis had, right? Yeah. that's the don't trust a Jews code.

Yep. So, well, there's a lot of that. Yeah, we'll come back to that. But so, God, it's like, I got the job. I'm going to go hang out with my friends. Mom says, be back by 10 and she says, fuck you. Fuck you, you're lucky. I don't kick you in the face like Blainewood.

Yeah. 10? I'm sorry. My curfew was like Blainewood. Yeah, 10. I'm sorry. My curfew was like when school ended, so I didn't realize I was going to out conservative this Christian television show. I know. Well, I was out as if the mom had like said no. She just kind of like complained and then stormed off.

And I was like, oh, that is the strongest mother character. These kids will have ever seen. Yeah. So okay, so then we cut the Kanye at work. And I love this too, because we never define what the fuck Connie's job is. It's just sort of general jobbing. Oh, and they very much stole this opening from every sexual harassment training video

you've ever been forced to want. I just cut the part where he like asked her to sit on the copier for him. Yeah, like, was that her manager who was like uncomfortably close to her? Like, she was sitting and he was standing and like, there was a moment there where it was just his crotch. Yeah. And then he left and I was like, what is in that computer turned on?

Like she's the kid now. And trifxed. Yeah, so she just, she works at generic office, officeing jobly. And she's sitting there talking to her co-worker. And her co-worker is like, yeah, you know, my parents used to be a pain in the ass too.

Then I moved out on my own and rebelled against them. And now I got it made. And this is so wonderful because this is where we get to see what the people who made this television show think a bad girl dresses like, which is a white sweater and male polish. But she's got red hair. And you know, yeah, firecrotch by night, baby. Yeah. But so like Connie learns all about own apartments and she's like, you know what, darn it, I'm going to incite this incident. Yeah. So she decides she's gonna move in with her coworkers. She's gotta go back home and tell her parents about her independence.

And again, Dad's got a beat mom at the weirdest question to ask thing, because she's like, hey, I, your 17 year old daughter am moving out of the house to live with a stranger. And his first question is, she a fucking Jew. You go in to live with a fucking Jew. Yeah, I got this. Fucking first question is you're the, it's not even a question. He says, you don't even know if this girl is a Christian. Literally. Yeah. Unblued. Do you even know if she has the correct religion? She could be a felon. I couldn't hear anything over the mallet and the codependency in this. I'm actually a parent. Makes sense.

Yeah. Well, mom is downright traumatized by this. I'm like, if you guys not considered that at some point she won't live with you, because at some point she won't live with you. Well, they actually work that through on the timeline. He's like, okay, we can only legally kidnap her for four months. Right. And then I was like, that's true.

That's true. Yeah. So they decide that she'll have to learn her lesson the hard way. Yeah. Dad picks up his spindle and he's like, all right, I'm off to work. You got to ride the rails, baby. And suddenly the cops have wooden legs and the dogs have rubber teeth. Am I right? Just a little

insider. Oh, Bojoke, we do. All right. Bye. There's a drag club on car five. So we're going to get out of this stuff. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm so far out of the edge of my seat. It's dangerous. So we're going to pause for safety sake. But first, let me give actor the hard sell here. Is Connie moving into a crack house? Will Dad smear his beard on camera? Will they remember that this was a sketch comedy show? Find out the answers to these questions and more. We'll be returned for the haphazard conclusion of Fire by Night. And now back to family first.

Hey, Dad, can I go to Kitty's party tonight? I don't know, will her parents be there? I hate you so much, I hope you die at that party. Dad, did you hear what Johnny just said? He's just jealous that Kitty didn't invite him to the party of the year. She's right, Junior, don't interrupt. It'd like to interrupt your faces with an axe. Ho, Junior, you scamp.

I'm gonna buy a gun and kill all of you. Uh, Dad, those were two very specific open threats. Are you gonna say anything to little Ed Kemper over there? All right, Junior, head to your room and go play with your gun. Fine, I was gonna do that anyways. All right, so, um, so here's the thing you need to understand about going to parties, okay? Yeah, you can't go unless you bring junior

Life's not fair, especially when you're lying in a shallow grave under the interstate You were made in the image of the Lord have fun you two brace me And we're back when we last left off Connie was gonna move into a possibly Godless apartment, but before we can pick up that thread We need to check back in with Blaine who was about to throw a goddamn If they didn't put him in front of the camera some more so if you recall he and his buddy Clarence Have been making a movie for Jesus Okay, and to give you an idea again how bad these guys are at comedy They start to do the

which of us should be build first on the poster argument, but they realized that they don't know how to do it funny, so they just agreed to disagree. Well, what's amazing is I guarantee you there were nine takes of this scene where he was like, no, I'm going to be first and then Blaine used his Coke strength to tear his arm off of his body. So several re you know surgeries and a year of rehab later they're like okay. So Blaine you're going to win. Yeah. I'm a little fucking win. This is also you can you can tell that Blaine needed to win that argument. And that is foreshadowing for what's gonna happen at the end when he tells me to ski. Yeah. Spoilers.

Okay, so, and then the two of them have their, they're still filming their video, their movie or whatever. And they're like, all right, it's time to film the final scene. And they get this giant rope that's extraordinarily thick and I got so excited. And they're using a spotter, which is appropriate. Good for that.

But I saw the rope and I was like, that is the rope that you use to tie a boat to a dock. Right. Like they broke onto there and I was like, this is setting the stage for lynching or auto erotic asphyxiation. Or did we play or both. So now we have to cut back over to Connie. She's moved into her own apartment now. So we get this scene of her late night infomercialing her way through the kitchen. A-K-A living like heath.

Well, okay, I love that you say living like heaths. I looked at that kitchen and I'm like, yeah, they didn't have the guts to commit to the mess like Eli and Anna do. They put a ketchup out from the fridge onto the counter and they were like, it's all we could take 10 months. She's the fucking same. Well, I mean, it's like, you know, you really see a lot about this character when she gets

really flustered when there's a chair in her way. Yes. It's like Connie, babe, you're gonna be facing so many other tougher things in your life. This is the time when you can face that chair. That's too close to the fridge door. Right, that's because they're trying to like set up that all this apartment is just terrible but they're not gonna like fill it with cockroaches

or something. So the way that they do that is it's so small. There's a chair in front of the refrigerator door. It's like move that fucking table problem solved, right? Yeah. Give it a Christian space work, not able to move. Share.

They just didn't get to the Christian space work part of the improv course, the Christian improv course. Oh yeah, everybody got hoppy and walked out by then. Yeah. Exactly. I was watching this and I was like, Oh yeah, everybody got huffy and walked out by then. Yeah, exactly. I was watching this and I was like, this is the story of a young girl living our own for the first time in a house.

It's kind of like uncomfortable, you know, sexual things with the roommate. I was like, Lena Dunham wrote this sketch. No. No. Cause this is the first season of girls. This is Christian girls. I've always said that. I've always said that. I've always said that. I've always said that

plain is the Christian Lena Donnell. All right. And then oh god, this is so stupid. They have, she gets the phone call from in her words, the utility company, just generically. She's like, hello, the utility company. Apparently they're gonna cut off her utility. Damn. Also, she has to, they're doing that thing where characters narrate the thing that's happening, but not talking realistically

on the phone. Right. So she's like, I'm sorry, but not talking realistically on the phone. Right. She's like, I'm sorry, what? I gave her the money. She spent it on crack. Why do you know that? You're the crack dealer. All right, Blaine, talk to you later. You know, it's funny for a group of people who are so hung up on specifics from the Bible,

for act of detail in this comedy routine is alarming, I would say. It's like a little broad gestures. Yeah, keep in mind that we still don't even know what her fucking job is. It's a job, Amy, a job, a job. So the other thing is that when the boyfriend, Crystal's boyfriend comes in.

Yes. And they have him have the same kind of like, Hey bro, later dude, which is like, the Rubble Brothers kind of had that like, we did, bro. Like, it's like, my dad does that same voice when he's trying to be funny cool guy dad. Yeah.

I love my dad. I know it's a good guy, but I was like, why did they cling on to that as this is how we're Rebel talks. Rebels eat ketchup sandwiches. Rebels fuck dudes with mullets. Not not much. Yes. Well, I'm pretty sure everyone involved with this filming thought that chicks like to fuck

dudes with mollus When she goes into the room the roommate goes to the room and she's like we're gonna be in the other room fucking So don't join us or do I love to yeah, they come in there like we're gonna be in the other room being rebellious and having sex and not caring what the Lord Thanks and she slams the door and there's a fucking Ralph Machio poster on the outside of her door. I guarantee you that came from Blaine's personal collection. Absolutely.

Blaine's like, do not fucking touch this poster. I will add this and I will remove it. All right. So late that night, dad can't sleep. He's in the living room worried about Connie reading to the Bible. I'm like, oh God, don't look through that book for daughter related advice. My first note here is when the mom comes in, it's like, yeah, I was just looking for a reason to kill our daughter in this book. There's a bunch actually there's a ton of really good excuses to kill our daughter. So, yeah, so they decide that they're gonna pray for Connie.

And their prayer isn't like, you know, I hope things work out well for Connie in our new home or I hope that we can come to understand that our daughter is gonna become independent. It's, I sure hope she stops this rebellious bullshit. Jesus maker, come home. I hope bad things happen to my daughter. Yep, amen.

I think all of this could have been avoided if the mom had decided to also be a hobo and then they could have been all hobo family together. And then, according to hobo rules, you don't have to look for a reason to kill your daughter. No, no. It's just about the can of beans that you're fighting over. Exactly.

Oh my God. Also, this is the second time that they've hated on minimum wage jobs. Yeah. Right. Right. It's meant the prisoner. Right. He was shitting on minimum wage jobs and now it's like

Why are we hating on minimum wage jobs? It's like I need a little money to be a crack or So okay, so then we cut from them we cut over to Connie and she sure can't sleep very well on that leather Ottoman apparently that she sleeps on just oh And this is supposed to be a serious scene where she's missing her parents except It's a big leather 80s Ottoman and it is making constant fart noises that are louder than her dialogue It's the I want every terrible movie drama to take I want the entirety of Transparent I want it all to take place on an 80s ottoman What happened to her bed? Why is she's living in a bedroom? That's what she's doing

Yeah, right and so she sit around on her farty ass couch. And suddenly she screams, they're supposed to be a mouse in the apartment. They couldn't afford a mouse, right? Like, apparently they couldn't get her right. She's not a mouse. Exactly. So, but. Oh, wait a second. Is she on the Ottoman because crystal is in the bedroom? Yeah. Fucking. Oh, I a second. Is she on the Ottoman because crystal is in the bedroom? Yeah, fucking. Oh, I miss that. Okay. All right. That makes sense. That makes more sense, I guess, anyway. So, but here's the thing about the screaming mouse scene is that they don't show us the mouse. She just is scooting around on her Ottoman. She screams right in her fucking ear and then says a mouse. Right?

It's like, let us know so that that scream doesn't take us entirely by surprise. Also, the roommate busts out of the room at this point and she's like, hey, stop screaming about mics. You're ruining our fucking. Or are you? This is also the white fragility training manual video. Right. Coming out. So, and then and so, of course, she sits back and and prays that her mom and dad are a forgiver for being so rebellious against God and thinking that she was good enough to do something

right. And then the show stops and says, Hey, Noah, you could put your last interstitial right here. This would be a great spot for it, right? And I'm like, fuck you, show. I'm being rebellious. But okay, so yeah, after they're like suggested commercial break, we go cut back to Doug sitting around with his mom and dad who are again, the same fucking ages him talking about the Connie plot line. He's like, Hey, guys, don't worry about Connie. Eventually she'll starve and come home because this is Christian cinema and we don't have a her getting used to it or her doing better.

It's eventually she will starve and come to you in desperation. Yep. My God. To which the parents reply, you know what, that's crazy. Your mom and I actually prayed for that last night. We actually asked the creator of the universe to starve our child and make her afraid and sad to come back to the house.

And just as dad says that, wouldn't you know what Connie walks through the door and wants to move back in? I'm like, yeah, prayer works great when you're a work of fiction. Yay, we can have her family orgy again. Also, she said, and I quote, things aren't going great between Crystal and I, which is literally how you tell someone you have a crystal meth addiction. It's like we're missing all the signs. Yeah, right.

Blame goes, wait, that's my line. Oh, never mind, never mind. Sorry, we got ahead. You're on. You're on. And they end on a laugh line about how sad she was and hungry like a, like a freeze frame of you were hungry and sad. Yes, yeah, exactly.

They might as well like hand her a piece of pie and then slap it out of her hand and end up you are. And towering you'll never have rights. But we can't end the show just yet because we had to show within the show, because we have to cut to everybody watching this crappy movie that Blaine and his buddy made for Jesus. And it occurred to me as they're doing that for the audience at home listening to us.

This is a video inside a sitcom, inside a sketch comedy show, inside a podcast, and that's kind of freaking me out, okay? Yeah, oh, that's amazing. But that's what we're watching. And apparently the rope as much as we were hoping for auto-erotic esphyxiation, no, it was for the final scene of their show when the rapture happens and they needed to lift him up out of his chair. Oh, I thought he hung himself. I was with a rap show. No, are you sure you didn't write on the show? We can tell us no, you're in a safe place. I'm really good at this. I never said that I didn't. We can get you

on Kickstarter. No, I can chop some wood. Oh my god, I know the funniest guy. But it was like that. Oh, that makes so much sense. Got it, right? And they were all like, and for sure, like the little kid in the corner is like, that's not how it will happen. Well, what I love to is, look, Eli and I have watched something like, I don't know, conservatively,

at least 20 movie, Christian movie, raptures. Not a single one has ever gone to the trouble of actually using a rope to pull someone up. You just walk in and there's a pile of clothes where they used to be, right? This would be so much more high quality than anything we've ever seen. And then by the end, so that, I guess that show is over, but the show show isn't over because now suddenly we're watching a

DeGarmo and Key video. This is not the only DeGarmo and Key video I've ever watched and now I'm very sad. That goes on the list of like things that you should shame spiral about Noah. on the list of things that you should shame spiral about Noah. Yeah, I'm still right. Maybe I'm reading into it too deeply, but guys, I think Tegarmo and Key fucking hated each other. Oh, the Abbot and Gistello of Christian music. You know how when you watch a star is born,

you can really tell that Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga were like really having fun, that there was a solid connection there. Whatever the opposite of that is, that's what the Garbo and Keyhaven is missing. I think you might be right. That's so funny. I did not pick up on that. That's like what they talked about Vince Vaughn and Reese Ridler's spoon had in four

Christmases. Go back and reverse that one. Yes, absolutely. You know what? Eventually I'm sure we will. This was my favorite bit of the whole show. This video? I love this.

I love the music video. Yeah, for sure. I love because for me, it was the story of the little ginger boy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, this little kid that sneaks into the back of the DiGarmoan keg concert. Yeah. And for me, I was like the character arc of him thinking first that it was like a dirty movie theater.

And he was like, I can't get it. And then he found his wandered his way and he's like, holy shit, is this an eagle's concert? Because that sure looks like a really shitty version of Glenn Fry. And then he realized he doesn't. And then he gets fondled a lot by many adults. Okay. Thank you so much for bringing it. They have the only explanation for this is they, the DeGarmoan key, the band had a who

can touch this kid the most contest. My God. Because that is the only explanation for how much touching they do of this child that we admit as part of the music video, they have never met. Yeah, exactly. He's just so kids they don't even know whose kid he is. Yeah, he's like the kid who grew up, the kid was in Dick Tracy grew up and then got abused by DeGarmo and key. In the music video in front of us. Yeah, it was, I was like, oh God, oh God, oh God, stop. And then like, I don't know, I thought that it's like,

I hated the music, but also I was like, nah, I'm totally into this. But if you, you have to not listen to the lyrics, but the music and I was like, yeah, like I'm like, digging this. And then I was like, is that Brian May? Is he, that could legitimately be Brian May. Why do you let a homeless kid on stage?

And by the way, for our listeners at home that maybe had this kind of shit when they were growing up, the music video we're talking about is from DeGarmo and Key's Destin to Win in case you, which by the way gives the show its first opportunity since the Miami Vice Dynamic to work in African American by the way gives the show its first opportunity since the Miami vice dynamic to work in African American into the program. Yeah, absolutely. For shitty Lionel Richie. Yeah, exactly.

He's Murphy's Raw outfit. And then so then the video like tries to, tries to fuck with us right because the whole video is about this little kid sneaking in behind the concert, but then it turns out the kid was at the concert and he was in the front row imagining that he didn't have a ticket with snuck it. I don't, I don't get fantasizing about getting gang banged by DeGarbon and key. I get it. I thought we had sort of an inception and it did not cross my mind. I mean, one can only assume and this is a very small like bridge to jump,

that this is from Blaine's fever dream. Okay. All right. This is the porn he got addicted to. Okay. Absolutely. But like, also, it's like, if you don't, I mean, because then it blows up and it's like, you have, they have like 50 gospel singers in the background behind them on this stage. And maybe I just have COVID glasses, but I'm like, oh my God, the germs that are being spread. Right. All on stage. I can't unsee it. And there's so many kids on the stage by then. And yeah, it's not good. It looks like fucking Paulson County High School. Yes, it does. And you know what? Whoever shot this music video is going to be suspended. And then that person is going to be fired. And you know what? Whoever shot this music video is going to be suspended.

And then that person is going to be fired. And then that person will be pardoned by Donald Trump. Yeah, we're seeing. All right. So yeah, so that music video ends and then Blaine comes on to tell us how we're like Jonah, because we suck and we should be swallowed by whales. And I love this is a little biblical insider moment here He's like think about all the profits that did exactly what God told them to do Isaiah Jeremiah Etc. Right. He stops right there for those who are not in the know the next of the major profits is a Z kill

He's the one with the poop bread and the scroll leading and shit Funny how they always stop right before they get to a Z-Q. You know, profits. I say, Jeremiah, the other one. Jeremiah was a bull frog and then whatever the other ones are. And just think about the fact that like, anyway, I think the world's probably about to end is a normal ending for this. He tells the story, the Jonah story again, and he tells it in such a fucked up way because first of all, he's like, and boy, I'll tell you what, after Jonah got out of that well, he was so excited. He turned 600,000 people all to his religion.

I can't say what religion it was because it's not Christianity and we're not exonizing that one right now. But and he says, man, the people of Nineveh were so excited by Jonas preaching that even their animals fasted. That's just starving your animals. Don't don't trust anybody fasts their animals. There's up in the right. Although I did have an awesome vision in my mind. I really wanted them to doodly do to a bunch of Jewish chickens just being like bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak bak Pay us in the black hats. They refuse the social distance. Oh, I can see how you can do the rooster and pay us the little thing of the comb.

Absolutely, yeah. So, Jesus, yeah. So, obey your parents and starve your dog. Seems to be the fucking message here. Wait, oh, God, I got to, I got to point out this line. This is so amazing. This is a question like, he's like, you know, a lot of kids these days, they've been burned by drugs.

They've been burned by alcohol. They've been burned by drugs. They've been burned by alcohol. They've been burned by and I quote doing their own thing in the area of immorality. And that follows up with AIDS and things like that. And actual. They came out and said I couldn't see the gayslare in my mind. So I'm just going to say sexual immorality, yada, yada, yada AIDS, but you all get it, right? It's 1986. You know, you know.

1986, I mean, the epidemic had basically just started, but it reached Tulsa and they said, you get burnt, but I think he said get burnt by drunks. Oh, okay. And then alcohol and then AIDS. I was like, wait, is that, is getting burnt by drunks? And AIDS. God really did a number on him. You know what I mean?

And then he goes, you know, he's like, but I think our generation is just like Jonah. At first, they didn't want to do what God says. And now they're being swallowed up in the giant fish of AIDS. And soon everybody will be a Christian again. I'm like, yeah, how that workout for you, man, between 1986 and now more Christians, less Christians. Um, I will note leering in the background of this rant was a mannequin that was fully

dressed in a snow suit. You know, I said, I couldn't keep my eyes off of it. And it will never come to fruition. It will never matter. Never a reason. No, it's just, it's part of the skiing theme of the show. That was for Blaine's private time post-shooting. And we saw it before he- But you say it wasn't dressed the whole time?

We saw it before he covered it in mail. Ew. There's also a moment in his little monologue where he says, don't turn Jesus off. Quite like that. Archer back a little. He likes it when you're archer back. Ew. And just let him finish inside of you.

And then he's going to, now he's going to pray. He says, if you've never received Jesus or if you're rebelling against God, I'm gonna pray for you and I'm pretty sure we're both. So I think Blaine prayed for us. Yep, that's fair. And his prayer is so fucked up because he basically says, dear God, please make them terrified enough to believe in my religion, amen.

Yup. And that's it. And then, of course, the second chapter of Acts is going to sing at us again. Uh-huh. Why does so much Christian music sound like marriage vows to Jesus? Oh my God, dude, we're 30 seconds into this before I'm missing

Blaine's summary of Jonah, right? Ha-ha-ha. Well, you know, you talk now about the Segways. I thought this was the best Segway. It was like fade out of like clockwork orange psycho rant and fade into your teacher's show in the high school variety show. I love a good plastic beaded necklace. You know, they look like they just got permission

to dress themselves. And that's the thing. It's got like kind of like the weird logo sweatshirt with the necklace over that. And then she's got like a funny looking blazer with like a mismatched blouse and then like a floppy bow tie. And then the other woman looks like, if she looks like a little girl dressed up to be a school teacher.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, there's definitely a, we're wearing our parents clothes kind of a field of everything there. Yeah. Just a reminder, these literally are the clothes our parents died in.

Oh my God. And I will say, I was made a lot of attention to their clothes because it was physically impossible to pay attention to the lyrics and not fall asleep. Oh, this song is 855 minutes long. It's just that every second was twice as long as the previous second, right? So it was this weird like going deeper in the dreams and inception kind of thing. There were three minutes left in this video for so long. Hey, you just watch it and you're like,

I want to not be here anymore. Like if I had to listen to that song in church, all it would make me want to do is fuck around with my sisters in the pews and then go drink the actual fucking communion wine and then get AIDS and then the vicious cycle would happen and I have to listen to this. Get burned by a drunk in me. God, if you stay away through this whole fucking song,

a radio station should have to give you a new car or something. Yeah. Um, so, but if even the last note goes on and And then and then right when you think you've made it out, he reminds you that he's gonna ski against the indoor ski champion To close the shop. This is fucking what is this scene? What is happening? I okay. So I see how you could think in your head that this would be a funny bit, right?

So they've got the actual indoor skiing champion there and they've got this little ramp that's like a foot and a half and they're going to race down the ramp. Get it to here. It's only a foot and a half. Right. I can see how in your head that seems funny but what actually happens is they start doing it lane gets so pissed off at the thought of possibly losing to this woman that he basically just pushes her over and then throws himself down the fucking rail yeah yeah and then insists on doing a slow motion replay of him winning and that is the end of the show.

But he refers to himself in the third person and there goes fargo down the slope. You're like, you can't have both of us. I feel like what happened on set before this bit was that he tried to like finger her and she's like, stop it. What the fuck are you doing? Jesus. Oh yeah, well, I'm going to win this ramp race. Well, I tell you what, that would make the fact that she never takes off her mask and always stays like eight feet behind and make a lot more sense.

She wanted deniability if this show ever came out and good for her. I am right. I really appreciate it. He said a couple times. I'm very capable in the sports area. Yes. Yes. The old compensating line. Yes.

The tough protest too much played. Oh god. And the whole thing ends with him going like, oh, by the way, here's our address. Write to us and tell us that you like me. Write us. We won't you like me. Right. Right. We won't read it, but okay, I'll read it. Okay, I'll read it.

You will totally read it. All right, well, I'll tell you what. Meg, I feel like nailed the moral of the story when we talk about the Rebel Brothers skit. So I guess the only thing to close off on here today is speculation about what kind of porn blame got addicted to any guesses on the genre. Ski coach humiliation reverse dominatrix porn.

Nice. Nice. I would say the porn where you have to pretend that you're in an acting a class in prison. And then they rape you for false. There's definitely some prison rape in it. I think you win, Meg. I think actually, yeah, for sure. Congratulations, you get, you know,

to never have to watch this shit again. Speaking of which, Meg, I can't thank you enough. You've come back for more and more than once on this thing now. And I'm amazed that you still do it, but I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for hanging out with us today. You guys are the best. Thank you for ruining my afternoon anytime. And well, that's going to do for our review of Fire by Night Episode three.

That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to channelize you for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. The Omega Code, one of our most requested movies. I feel like we did that. We haven't done the Omega Code yet. Pretty sure we haven't done the Omega Code. Oh, wow. All right, so with that to look forward to,

we're gonna bring Episode 260 to our Mercable Close. Once again, a huge thanks to Meg for hanging out with us today and perhaps even huge of thanks to all the Patreon Donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com. So I've got off on there by your early access to an ad free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating ideas citation need a D&D minus and the Scepticron available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments,

or sit-up and suggestions, you can email got off on movies at gmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. All of the young audience members grew up to organize the Trump rally in 2020 Tulsa, Oklahoma. Blaine Bartles went on to chop wood. Kid and family first never mattered. I Was so fucking weird I could have sworn they were like setting up a bit with that but nope nope Jennifer is a bitch Fucking Jennifer. And he tried so he threw himself down. He did. I can be my girl. He be. This is just embarrassing. So embarrassing. It's like the guy that it's like the guy is like the dad that shoves a kid in like the potato sack race.

Exactly. But on combinations. My dad is efficient. All right. An interstitial to kind of Christians get comedy class. That's going to be hell.

Oh my God. I googled it. It's a real thing. Christian sketch comedy is and Christian improv is Christian improv class. I want to go several mega churches and they're doing zoom classes right now and there's a big part of me that Oh my god. Well, that's like how they encouraged everybody to buy a gun and be a member of the NRA, so you could take it down from the inside. Exactly.

Whoa. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020. All rights reserved. reserved.