God Awful Movies - 263: Flywheel

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

This week, Thomas Smith joins us for an atheist review of Flywheel, the story of... a flywheel. And a guy. And that's pretty much as much of a plot description as it earns. --- Be sure to check Thomas Smith out on Opening Arguments, Serious Inquiries Only, Philosophers in Space, and Comedy Shoeshine. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

You're like insurance payment is not so like the bank also provides the insurance for Yeah, right What else he says you're checking account is over drawn. I'm like the meter that where you parked your car is expired like what why do you know I lindon animal crossing only has one star on Animal Crossing only has one star. I just wanted to know. Also, your fire extinguishers are not up to color. It's like this one banker, just in charge of everything. Your left testicle isn't making boys anymore.

I just thought I'd run through the list. God awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to The Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because drugs. I'm your host, Noah Luzonz, and he will be unable to join us tonight. He's off this weekend for his birthday, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, How are you this fine afternoon, sir?

I am a genius. Now, did you know I'm a genius? I didn't do anything. No, you know, I was, you've hidden it well, but now I see what you mean. And, and I believe you, and also joining us tonight is friend of the show host of the opening arguments podcast series, inquiry's only in philosophers and space and man twice as good at having kids as Eli Thomas Smith. Thomas. Welcome back, sir. Hey, thanks for having me and making me watch a two hour fucking piece of shit. Yeah, you guys are my best friend. Yeah. So there should be a happy ending at the end of one of these at the very least for all of them. To be fair, it was going to be a three hour ballie would move without some miles.

You know, I have a personal philosophy as I will never turn down invites to do this show, but I might have. If you're like, it's a three hour ballie. Yeah, you shouldn't have told Eli that. We're going to test that. I like kid hospital. I would have made something up. Yeah, you shouldn't have told Eli that we're gonna test. I did my kid hospital. I would have made something up.

I just run a virus. Give me one second. Yeah, my kid got hit by a car. I actually had another kid and it's, you know, passed away. I just need to mourn. All right, so tell us Thomas, what two-hour movie will we be breaking down today? We are breaking down Flywheel, a movie about a lifelong scumbag who decides to be a Christian for five minutes and bam, literally everything in his life and his business turns incredible.

That's it. That's the whole goddamn thing. And as if it weren't depressing enough, it's also the story of Alex Kendrick's career, right? Alex Kendrick was like a douchebag media guy at a church center made this movie and now he's a multimillionaire. Oh, yeah, no, it's a tragedy, but not intentionally. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the media empire, the Kendrick brothers, but you liked their original stuff before they sold out and learned out of focus the camera, you will love this movie. Nothing I have ever done or seen has made me more

confident than this movie. The fact that the Kendrick's brothers turned this meandering wander around a used car lot into again, a multi million dollar mainstream media empire. It means I can do literally anything. I can fly. I mean, yeah, that's one way to look at it, but the other way is really depressing. Like this is the best we could do. Huh? Just look every time I come on the show, I think I make the same joke. It's not really joke.

When are we turning Christian? Yeah. Just let's start making the movies. Oh, so much better. Yes. Almost by default. Like, Oh, so much better. Yes. Almost by default. Like, yeah, almost we couldn't be, I mean, we didn't even be better at being worse.

If we wanted. Well, I own more than one microphone. So, Well, there you go. Already. Yeah. All right. Well, okay.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best of being the worst at? Sure. I'll do best worst understanding of business. So he said, you know, I'll get into it at the time, but he's selling cars for rip off prices. He's just scamming like doubling the prices of use cars. And he's somehow behind $32,000 on a rent paper. Like it's unclear.

He owes somehow $32,000 of rent on his piece of shit lot that is there's no possibility it's that much. And then he dramatically lowers prices as we'll see. And it's a ghost town. Just now everybody, it turns out the customers were just there for the rip off process. They're like, I usually discount bag. I look, you could pay a fair rate for a car. Yeah, I'm boring. Everyone, you should this scumbag. I look, you could pay a fair rate for a car. Yeah, boring. Everyone check out this scumbag. Just watch him rip you off. It's entertainment.

It's like, you know, it's like Eli does a magic show. You go there, you watch the process of him being a scumbag. And that's part of the product. You know, the fucking movie they, they never give him like a cocaine habit or a gambling addiction or a really expensive girlfriend. Like there's never any reason why he's so far in debt. The whole beginning of the movie is, well, here's a couple thousand, here's a couple grand, there's a couple thousand. Yeah, he's rolling it.

Yeah. So fucking stupid. Okay. So I was going to go with best worse titular illusion. Okay. I know that there is a flywheel in this movie. Right? But that's it. Right? Like it's so, so I keep wondering how they're gonna use the flywheel in the movie. But it turns out that it's just like, yeah, without a flywheel, the car wouldn't go. So Jesus is like, fly, well, the movie could have been called like fucking timing belt,

right? Like just at a car park. It didn't fucking matter. Oh, gasoline. And that scene where they decide to like hash out why this movie is called Flywheel, more worth the price of admission, which brings me to mind, which is best worst waiting for acting. Oh, God. So nobody involved in this movie can act.

But apparently the person shooting the movie was told he was going to get some star quality acting because every scene ends with the camera zooming in right over the great performance that it expects, but it's just the dead Joey faces of Alex Kendrick and his real fucking family who can't even make happy and sad faces on fucking command. No, it's like the cuts for this movie are we're on some form of radio delay. Is that the movie? like the cuts for this movie are we're on some form of radio delay. And there's no such thing as like editing. So that's why you shoot it. You're just stuck with it.

Oh, yeah, no, it's so good. There's so many times the camera's zooming in on somebody and I'm just going to like, is he going to smile? Did you think he was going to smile? Let's see if he's going to be proud. Nothing. Are you waiting for him to say cut? All right, well, we're gonna make a quick movie and kick off our multi million dollar mainstream media movie empire, but it's only gonna take a minute.

We'll be back after that with all the background noise that is flywheel. Hey, uh, excuse me, Alex, you get those tapes converted for the, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, Stan why there isn't an honest God-fearing used car salesman out there who would just like make what he should. We've been over this. You can't just ask commission. If he loved Jesus, he would be fine making $500 a car. You know what, guys? This. This is a movie.

What? About a used car lot? A used car lot, but where they love Jesus. Yeah. And it gives money back to everyone he cheated. Carla? Oh, you used Carla, but where they love Jesus. Yeah, and it gives money back to everyone he cheated. Exactly, yeah, people will love this thing. We can start a whole movie company based on that. Damn, we really could.

Yeah, yeah, and if we end up making a bunch of movies, we can only take just fair profits from what they make and we'll use the rest to help people. I mean, buy ourselves a jet. Yeah, I want a jumbo jet. And we're back and we're going to open up on some pretty sweet Commodore Amiga fonts. We knew we were in for some good shit when we saw these, right? How did they manage a low res IDVD intro?

Is there a three or a version of IDVD to the point in the HD lettering? Yeah, I think they made a PowerPoint presentation and then filmed their monitor with the camera. Oh, there you go. All right. I just, I looked down and I saw that this movie is like an hour and 58 minutes or whatever. And the first thing I wrote in my notes is like, the Kendrick's need a hard 90 minute cap cut.

Yeah, 90 minute, you know, is generous too. Oh, yeah. That's when you turn, just turn the power off on the whole thing. Like 90 minutes like you're done. Yeah, they don't get turn, just turn the power off on the whole thing. Like, nine minutes like you're done. Yeah, they don't get 90 minutes and credits or anything. No. The music is so bad. I, it's just two chords where they're just like, and it's just like a church, you know, music director is just so fucking proud of this nonstop

boring generic piano score. It never ends. It tricks you. It's like it goes to a new scene, right? Like it's just doing credits forever. Goes to a scene and I was like, oh, thank God. Oh, I've finally done with this. And then like they hit the bridge of the.

They're like, hold on. We're not done. And this goes on for so long that I think it's technically a music video. Like I'm sure we opened with a four minute music video. Yeah, no, we're seeing a flywheel in the background. Well, listen to those same 16 fucking repeating notes for a hundred years. You know, you were really generous with the 16. I have that at about nine different notes.

It was the same notes over and over again, but they repeated the entire thing every 16. Oh, gotcha. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was just like, it was like one of those little samples on a keyboard where you're supposed to do the lead over it, right? The whole thing was done on a Casio, the entire,

yeah, I got it, hated. And it wasn't even a Casio they owned, they just went to the K Martin plate around with the one that was there. They took their one microphone that I have, oh, he's no son, I don't know, I'm sure. Not, and they just took that into the best buy and like, hey,'ll hold the mic right here

Yeah, he's saying he's saying literally the entire score for my two-hour film. All right Well, we had time for 16 notes before they kicked us out, but that's fine. That's okay That's okay because the second hour of the movie will just be me holding one synth note I'll change it to another. I'll add one more synth note to change it up. And then just repeat that for 60 minutes. Okay. We're good. All right. So and what we're going to see well, well, this stands as playing ad infinitum is a guy buying a classic car that they did not have permission to put more than one 13th of one mile on. Right. But this car is going to be like the star of the show, but we're constantly going to see

people off screen saying like, yeah, pull it up over here because they did not have permission to try it for Motherfucker. And if you're wondering how this movie is going to be shot, the very first scene is two characters walking from opposite sides of the frame to awkwardly shake hands in the center. It's the opposite of Misen's sense. It's Misen's cyanide, if you will. And yeah, that's when he buys a car, however, I was entirely distracted by the morbidly obese black lab.

Oh, he was a chonk. When Anna was sitting next to me for this and she said, that's not a chocolate lab, that's a too much chocolate lab. All right, so now we cut to this used car lot in Albany, Georgia. And at this point, the video quality, I didn't know what I was getting into. I, you know, I can play in every time, but I see in the notes flywheel.

It's on Amazon. I was like, the notes flywheel. It's on Amazon. I was like, I'll thank God. It's on Amazon. And what I think Eli means by that is I have to go to Amazon, give them money to buy a film, the entire quality of which the film quality could be described as Tom from MySpace is profile pic. Video quality. The whole video is that. Yep. God. Oh, I'll never

get this $2.99 back. Actually, one day I will. Eli, one day I will come for you. Actually, this is how I'm saving up for one of my kids to go to college. It's just I'm going to do these games throughout, you know, the 18 years or whatever. And then I'll come with a bill for Eli. Like here's how much it's for all the pure flicks and pride movie subscriptions. Yes. Well, and the mental distress and whatnot that we put. And one of my kids can go to junior college. And that's, yeah, there you go. So, yeah, so we see a bringing in his classic car. It's a 1958 triumph TR3, by the way, in case of a big curious, those sound like car words. Yeah, right.

Well, they use a bunch of car words here. You know, they go all car on us. Now, I want to point out that this movie takes place in Albany, Georgia, which is, I don't know, like a hundred miles from me, like, maybe not even quite that. And also, I believe there was a time during the summer when Albany, Georgia had the highest per capita incidence of COVID-19 in the world. So it was really fucking bad there for a very long time.

Are you going to go on the tour and see all the hot spots of the film? Yeah, you, well, we call that driving down rural Route 7, but yes. And here's the, the car, the used car lot that mysteriously charges $32,000 of rent over a month. I don't know how it worked. All right, so now we've got us, we've got to watch him sell a used car to somebody we have to watch him, like rip off a customer because that is everything about the first act of this movie. It's either him ripping off a customer or somebody saying, man, you sure do rip off customers. It's either him ripping off a customer or somebody saying, man, you sure do rip off customers.

Um, I need to talk. I need to talk about the other two sales. Yeah. Do you? Do you? Do you? Alex, you think I'm not a fit man. I mean, Alex Kendrick, but the other two actors are sentient food and a children's movie fat. And I can not handle it.

I just wrote down how does this dealership make any money when the salesman keep eating the cars? Oh my God. And I did that was before I knew anything about the story or anything. Oh, I have them down as Tweedle D and Tweedle Dums throughout, yeah. When he walks in, the first guy says to him, man, you are the king of cheese.

I wrote my notes. No, man. They do make the main character look like an Olympian though. You know, he's not, you know, he's not fit or anything, but compared to his co-workers. And by the way, one other co-worker, we will never learn anything about what his job is, what he does. It's a black man who just comes on camera every 25 minutes or so. And in this movie, so that means he does it about 10, 12 times. And he just shakes his head like, you know, like disapproving. And then he'll go, he'll go like white boys or something like that.

He'll draw attention to his blackness in some way. Yeah. Right. I wanted the racializing of that character to like scale up throughout the movies. So that by the last scene, he's just like, you know, I'm 15 times more likely to be shot by a police officer while I'm on. Oh, Sam, you know what the salesman look like? Do you remember that movie Akira, the anime where the guy at the end, he like bubbles out into a monster. It was like if he stopped halfway through and started to sell used cars. That's what the other salesmen at this dealership look. And by the way, if you're all my age and you need a slightly older reference, think of the last act of big trouble in little China. Sure. Yeah. Yes. Same, same basic principle.

I'm in the sweet spot where I don't get either. Miley references the two. Remember the Guinness motorcycle twins? It's those guys. Mm-hmm. So we're in the, at the use car lot, and his family comes in, the main character's family comes in so he can ignore them and not love them a bit, right? And she does the, the wife comes in and does the pregnant lady, lean, which I appreciate because she could have just been as fat as everyone else in the movie.

So she lets us know. I thought she was just as fat as everybody for a while. Yeah, we'll get to it. There's more later. Never pause on that. So she is pregnant, but I didn't know that at this point. I can see why you might have missed it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she just blended in. So they do this incredibly lazy bit, right? Whereas kid comes in and leaves him a picture, but he's on the phone, so he doesn't have time.

And then he's just, the family leaves to go get him lunch and he just starts crumbling up all the papers on his desk, including the picture from his son. Yeah. Okay. What's the thinking there? Because I get it. You're like, oh, busy the picture from his son. Yeah. Okay. What's the thinking there? Because I get it. You're like, oh, busy guy. He's stressed.

It worked. He's looking at paper. He registers them. Like he looks at the paper, crumples up, looks at the paper. What does he think he just crumpled up? Like, oh, man, my fat co-workers doing crayondrawings for me. I did it. But tire of the shit.

Get to work. Pretty excited. I need the paperwork for this Honda, not a hand-drawn picture of one. Yeah, that's like a line that's like sign here. He's like, wow, this is work. I guess so. Yeah. So, all right.

So now we get one of the many outdoor shots of the film where they do absolutely nothing at all about the noise of the fucking highway right next to this god damn lot they're filming in. Oh, just the entire time. I can't take living in Georgia no more. Just in the background. Also, one of the fact, so this is him. This scene never matters, but I will say one of the fat co-workers is sitting like leaning against the car and eating, but we never see what he's eating. So I

wrote in my notes, I'm pretty sure Vince is eating little pieces of the car. He's saying that. I think we've cracked why this business isn't working. You know, you're eating your own supply there. Yeah, I also love this too, because I have this as just seen that they never finished doing. Like this was, I think this whole movie was like, we'll do a video journal of the process of writing a movie. And then they're like, wait, Christian, people have no standards. So that's a movie. Like we can just go there. We're done now. Vince is like, I have him as Vince, I wouldn't have remembered anybody's name except, you know, you guys made me write it down.

So Vince is like, oh, everything I do is calculated. It's all a cow. I'm not going up to the customer yet. And then the guy's like, well, don't calculate too much. And Vince must have been like, should that have been like a wayitty put down or fifth or so? Yeah, but I couldn't think of anything.

So just pretend like I said something witty that was a put down about you calculating. I think we're done here. There are so many scenes like that in this movie where you're like, oh, you guys meant to put humor in there. I get it if there was humor, that makes sense. Yeah. The camera man's

still like, I'm waiting, I'm waiting for a joke. Was there a joke or acting? Oh, speaking of the cameraman having no idea what to do. This is also the part where the kid comes back in with the lunch and and sees his picture's been crumbled up. So this scene ends with like the camera, the first time of many, like, he was talking about where the camera starts zooming in on the kid, waiting for him to do like sad, but the kids expression does not change at all. Like it could be a still shot. No, we have no fucking idea. No, it's like a candid take of it. Like it's like in the office where two people go in the other room and you don't. It's like, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I cannot believe that neither of you have this and it makes me think that either I'm crazy

or I cannot believe that you might have missed this, they tried to change the setting. They tried it, so they started the scene in the car dealership and then I think what happened was like, well, we're out of time at that site for shooting. So they went to his house and forced the scene there. As though his house was, I was losing my mind. Am I crazy? his house and fit the scene there. As though his house was it. I was losing my mind. Am I crazy? You know, there's a fireplace. They did that fireplace. It's not. It's not that what's it? They just pretend that

they finished the scene. Okay, the car place, but the fucking is his house. So here's the here's the wonderful thing about that. And this is going to happen over and over again in the movie. They did not have like they had permission to film in this guy's used car lot, but they weren't going to close the goddamn thing down for it. Right? So this was like operation the entire time. They kept having like, you know, somebody would show up to buy a car in the middle of

their scene and they'd be like, all right, well, we got to scrap that one. So there was a bunch of times where they had to just be like out behind somebody's house and pretend that the used car lot just had rakes in a lawn mower sitting out back or something. Yeah, it's amazing. It's like when they're playing hockey and Wayne's World car. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Car movie on. Yeah. They finished the scene in his house. And I was like, okay. So they go through the whole thing where the kid is like, oh, mom brought you a chicken sandwich and he's like, I thought you were going to brew a brewery anyway saying that.

And so, but they're at home. Yes. And so I'm like, was this a different lunch? Is this another occasion where he was being brought lunch? And also he threw away his kid's shitty picture again. Like, this is just a montage of him constantly crumbling out his kids shitty picture again. Like, this is just a mod dodge of him constantly crumbling out his kids crappy drawings. Once a week he throws it away. You see the calendar pages go by.

Like, this is crumbling, crumbling, crumbling. Well, there's also this great moment. So like, we get that and then we get him coming home, right? Because we're supposed to be playing along with the illusion that that happened at work. So we get him to come home and his wife's like, well, you sure are coming in late. It's like, but we can, we can see that it's three in the afternoon. We can see out the windows. What time does he normally come in? And of course, since they have nothing else for this character except he's a dissonous car salesman, his wife basically turns to him and says, you know, does it

ever bother you that you're a fucking liar, who fucking lies to people all the fucking time? He's like, I'm a used Carl Salzman. I'm supposed to be a piece of shit. How many times do we have to have this conversation? Ah, this is, and also, okay, this is the creepiest part. I know you guys spend more time around this religious shit than I do.

The wife is one of the kids essentially. Yes, yeah. Like in this family scenario, the wife is like, what if maybe tomorrow we went to the park or something, she's one of the kids, the creepiest I wanted to barf during it because you have this dude and everything runs through him obviously because it's Christianity. So he's in charge of everything or something and she's not happy with him So like she has to ask permission for everything. Yeah, it just was for fucking disgusting Well, and it's not like that changes in act two or act three like right that doesn't change with the turn in the character

He remains like that. Yep Absolutely, so yeah, and so she's mad at him for overpricing his shitty cars and then she does like like Thomas Ascent, she's like, can we please go to church tomorrow? And he's like, did we go last week and she's like, no, and he's like, all right, we can go to church. Thank you. Oh, yeah, church is the best part of living in Albany, Georgia. Hey, let's be serious. Dying of coronavirus is the best thing about living in Albany, George.

All right. So his son is, oh, there's this great scene here where his son's hanging out with his buddy and they start having a conversation about how they sure hope they don't grow up to be dishonest to use cars. They also been like the dad And quick note on the buddy, he has a future at this car dealership. This is a chunky little boy. He's saying he's gonna get like a legacy admission

to the property. Look at me, I belong to your hire. No paperwork necessary. All right, so then we go to this fucking church. Okay. Now I want to point out because I've been to Albany, Georgia. My brother used to live there. This is a fucking town where the average income is $17,000 a year. God. Think about that when you see this very large, cozy, comfy, nice looking church that's actually in Albany, Georgia.

It's, it's the nicest building in the movie. Somehow this building is in like present times and the rest of the movie is in 2002. It's like in Wizard of Oz when she gets there in the building tower. Like the, all of a sudden the cameras are better. It's like HD. The target, everything's miked.

Like just because as you walk into this fucking mega church, everything turns to gold with how embarrassingly wealthy this fucking mega church is. Yep. Well, and then they have to see and write, where the collection plates go in a round. And we're supposed to be thinking, oh, look at him, not putting money in the collection plate.

But I'm of course thinking, Oh, you greedy fox. You have such a nice building. These assholes only make $17,000 a year. How dare you take their money? It's amazing. I know we're all thinking the same thing. They have no sense of irony. They have no sense of hypocrisy.

The whole thing is about this guy, nickel and diming people, you know, selling a $6,500 car for $9,000. Okay. Like, yeah, meanwhile the church just fucking robs everybody. Blah, every, every week. Yeah, there's nothing selling zero dollars worth of stuff for any amount of money is worth. And all you get is this horrendous open mic part of the church service. I don't know what that was about. That was like, church sucks so fucking annoying.

I can't just, it's just objectively sucks. And they didn't bother to tell the extras they were gonna pan across to look like they don't fucking hate church like they are just desperately waiting for these. People are fucking gently stroking a gun along the inside of their lips while the teenager up the front is like, I see, Cord, I'm not allowed to masturbate. Cord, I'm not allowed to masturbate.

Wait, wait, wait. Yes. The director's like, guys, I need the main character to stick out. Yeah, right. Is it? I mean, you, you, you can't just do what he's doing. And they just can't do it. No, no, no, no, no.

You know how everyone in cats got like cat lessons? I bet everyone in this movie got smiling like a human who doesn't pray for death lessons. Yeah, but in all, but he lessons like that don't stick. Yeah. No, they had to fly a guy in. And we get, by the way, we get some more like we really need to drive home that the kid hates his dad, you know, and so the pastor's like, whoa, boy, you're, uh, you're going to be as tall as your dad and the kids like, oh, fuck you.

I hate my dad's height. I don't want to be tall. You mean lie or high? Yeah. You're gonna be as tall as your dad and the kids like fuck you. I hate my dad I don't want to be tall now you mean lie or high So and there's just this okay, so they leave church and it's super brief seen He put an envelope in the collection plate. Mm-hmm. This motherfucker carried an empty envelope with him to church So he could pretend to give a tie which I love I empty envelope with him to church so he could pretend to give a title which I love. I hate. Oh, I thought he grabbed it out of the Bible. Anyway, this is the move you do. You absolutely do this move. Oh, fuck yeah. I am so far on this guy's side. Absolutely. Well, and then so they, they're leaving church and he's like, so what do you want to do for lunch?

And the wife goes, I, I have to point this out. She says, well, we can have a frozen pizza or something else. I'm like, yep, that's always true. You could always do that or not do that. And his answer is, I don't want those. And she's like, well, I don't know. You could eat time. I don't know. Any other thing was part of my part of my list there. Well, first off, I have like, she's like, what do you want to do for lunch? She's like, Oh, yeah, where's my kid drawing to tear up? That's just my normal environment lunch routine. Got anything, buddy? Got something. Also, this family eats nothing but lunch. This is like the fourth time she's like burgers. We had burgers for morning lunch. No, this is afternoon lunch. And then night lunch, we're gonna have burgers again. So yeah, all right. So okay, we cut to that night again, this three o'clock in the

fucking afternoon, we can see the sunlight coming through the windows. She's in bed, readin her devotional and he's watching TV, not giving a shit about his father or whatever. Right. Like they they tried to establish some daddy issues for him at this point. Yeah. How do you? Is that a little projection there? How do you know he's not giving a shit about his father by watching TV? Well, because the wife says, hey, your dad called and he's like, oh, okay. Yeah. That part.

That was information we need. Now, this is where the subtext of this movie comes in. And this is a fun game. Feel free to play along if you watch this movie. It is called Alex Kendrick cannot sit in the chair. Yeah. This will be the first of literally the plot of this movie is Alex Kendrick splaid out on various surfaces of his house. The new chairs, couches, and sofas, as though he has missed the sitting surface.

Yeah, he's got quite a bit of that. Yeah. And so we get, you know, this is now 10 minutes of just bitter, just nagging. She's passed a fight with him, but again, she's one of the kids, so it's like this really slightly passive aggressive thing. And I'm just thinking,

do people have relationships like this? Like just one of you murder suicide right now. Just flip a coin. One of you do it. It does sound, it has to be done. This is not, I was so annoyed and tense just from existing around this. I couldn't do it. These people's countertops depressed me. The only thing this wife will ever do except tell this guy to fuck himself is gently wipe a clean paper towel across the clean countertop. Yeah. And then they turned to go to bed, by the way, and I was thinking like, so no sex then. No, no, no.

Well, they just still totally get it on like after all. Well, if he wants to, because it's Christian, yeah. That's true. Yeah, exactly. So now we, we cut to the next day at work and this is where they get there. I feel like they believe this is their like home run humor moment. The fat guys getting out of the meada thing. Fat guys in a little car.

Humor I can get behind and well, except they don't know what to do, right? They don't know what makes that funny. They just, so they just got a rock back and forth and one of them falls on the way out. Although I will say magically appearing black character, he pops out of nowhere and goes, you look like too much, Milla's trying to get out of a hot wheel and then vanishes again. I appreciate it. Yeah. He comes, he, he signed posts like, oh, there's going to be here for way to everybody. Hold on. The funniest thing is about to happen. And then we get the camera man's a little early,

you know, because for a while it's just a car. Yep. You know, and they're so we get this is why this movie is two fucking hours long. Just the car and you can kind of make out that there's people in it. Oh, wow, this is fucking hilarious guys. And then like you said, they do the getting out of the car.

God, I didn't know it's supposed to be comedy though until they cut over to the black guy shaking his head and I was like, oh, that was jokes. I can't go. Right. Until he did the like, oh, white boys. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Meanwhile, the overweight guy sure like white boys. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Meanwhile, the overweight

guys sure are fat joke. Yeah. Oh, and then this is where the minister shows up to buy a car, the minister from the church scene and the tweetle, the tweetle, the dumb are sitting back going like, Hey, guys, hey, do you think he'll, do you think he'll rip off the minister? How much do you think you'll rip off the minister Mm-hmm. And by the way, this movie is about God interceding to get a used car salesman in Albany, Georgia, out of $33,000 in debt. And the least realistic thing in it is a mega church pastor needing to buy a used car. Hey, I need a used car to kind of offset the weight of my private jet. Like, I need, there's a waiting issue.

I just want to put it to what, like, what are you talking about? I'm going to hang it off the helicopter. We just want a junker car to drive from our helipad to our room, like to our house. So it's jet, we, you know, we have the BMW, but like, we thought, you know, we don't want to get dirty. We'll just buy a used car for that. What the fuck you talking about? Yeah But dammit if he doesn't rip off the reverend. Yeah, and there's this moment with a reverend like he's like Well, I'm gonna pray for you. He's like dear Lord Please treat Jay that's the main character exactly as well as he treated me through this car sale

And I wanted that to be the like the fucking liar, liar birthday wish moment in the movie. Same. But they didn't pull the trigger on that, right? Nope. Anyway. And I'll tell you what else they didn't pull the trigger on. So he's buying this for his daughter to go to college or whatever, right?

I thought we're minutes away from a, the brakes don't exist. And then the pastor dies with his daughter in the car and then he's got to be a who I should do fair pricing or at the very least that like the reverend was going to show up later and the car was going to be fucked up or the daughter was going to turn out to be like a news reporter that told everybody what a bad deal he got or something that this was going to somehow come back. Anyway, yeah. So he goes inside, he's ripped off the ministry, he goes back inside and tweedle the and tweedle dumb are like, man, you sure didn't rip off that wrap. We sure are un-Christian and unscrupulous here. Again, totally on his side, take that fucker for

all these worth. Yeah, right. Exactly. If anybody has ill gotten gains, you could have told him like, so this used camera, I'm going to need 45,000 dollars for it. Oh, okay. I better. I'm going to have to go into my other pocket. Hold on. Exactly. And I'm going to have to open this back pocket that has a zip. Okay. There's the other 5,000 for cash. Well, and so Tweedle D has this big argument with him. He's like, where he's like, man, I can't believe you would rip off a minister. You know, I mean, I rip off all ladies all the time, but a minister and, and, you know, like, we're standing back at like the three of us anyway,

standing back going like, okay, why, though, would that be? Yeah, especially the minister. Yeah. Right. In our use car dealership, we'd be like, get the fucking minister. Get the minute. Have you considered that your daughter might need three cars? Maybe, you know, one for each trimester of school. I don't know.

All right. It looks like you will. It's 32,000 for the car and 840 trillion dollars in back taxes. Yeah. It's going to be 8840,000 and 32,000. Yeah. All right. So and this is where the banker calls, right? So the banker calls to establish that for reasons, again, that we will never explain. He is $32,000 in debt on his mortgage and they're going to come seize all his used cars for that over that. Yeah, but luckily it's one of those down home mortgage collectors where

you have the same guy who calls you and he's like, Hey, Jim, any chance we could get that $32,000 from you on Friday. Friday's not good. How about Monday? Oh, holiday weekend, holiday weekend Tuesday. Yeah. For that, you know, you know? I'll get it from you whenever. I'll get it from you. I also love this because this one banker is in charge of everything to do with this business. Yeah, I don't, you look, maybe 2003 was a different era, but this banker is like, hey, you're behind on the rent, which, okay, I mean, sure, maybe the bank could manage the property, whatever.

And then he's like, also, you're overdrafted on your checking account. Just another issue that I'm calling with as the bank. And your insurance payment is not, so like the bank also provides the insurance for them. Yeah, right. I just like, what else? He says that your checking account is overdrawn.

I'm like, the meter that where you parked your car is expired, like, that where you park your car is expired. Like, why, why, why do you know your island on Animal Crossing only has one star? Also, your fire extinguishers are not up to car. It's like this one tanker just in charge of everything. Your left testicle isn't making boys anymore. I just don't have to run through my list here. Is it making boys anymore? I just don't know if it runs through my list here. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. So and then okay. So we cut to the demo having I'm assuming, you know, evening lunch.

Oh my God. He's what I need in a fucking trigger warning, right? Oh, yeah. This is the worst looking pizza ever captured on Phil. It really is. I know we always make fun of how bad a pizza looks, but oh my god. I literally thought to myself, they couldn eating this pizza dinner night lunch as they call it. With plastic cups, they have plastic cups of like, I think he might have a beer, but

maybe I don't know. Are they the Christians that don't do the drinking? Yes. Because I, so I grew up, the Christians in my family are they're like, yes, we very much do the drinking Christians. There's a different breed, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, the ones we have in we very much do the drinking Christians. There's a different breed, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, the ones we have in South Georgia are not the drinking Christians.

Okay. Well, I've, the Christians from my lifetime that I've been my family and stuff are the like, no, drinking is awesome. Like Jesus, you know, he did the whole water into wine thing. He didn't do water into like more water or like water into, you know, the spin drift celser or something. But anyway, they're eating dinner with the plastic cups. And I just, again, my note here is, please just kill each other, please kill each other.

Your son will be better off. He'll be happier. Yep. Yeah, ultimately. And then of course, we have to keep establishing that he's a bad dad, right? So there's, he's like, where's the kid? And she's like, well, he's finishing his science project in his homework. He's like, fuck homework in science projects.

Get him in here before he messes up my carpet, you know. Yeah, by the way, and he says he needs to set the table, which means get the paper plates and the plastic cups. There's not a lot of setting the table for that pizza, the worst fucking set. So your mother pre-heated the oven to 425 and sleep the cardboard box, plastic and undercoating it all into the oven for 16 whole seconds. So you come here and eat this hydrogenated soy oil that will eventually go directly into the cataract behind your eye. The least you can do is rinse out yesterday's plastic cup for our privacy. At the end of the meal, he's like, do the dishes that can just sweep everything off the table into the garbage.

No, I think it would be funny if he actually washes the paper plants and that's not gonna cover it. Oh, and this is so, it's so fucking dark because she like does a weird passive aggressive fucking we should kill ourselves and then each other prayer over the carpet. And then the kid, this poor kid's like kind of cereal, this is that pizza. And she's like, yeah, man, it's the same fucking corn oil with pizza everywhere that is at New York or California. So yeah, whatever fucking Taco Bell nightmare construction of sucrose and soil and green, you want to stuff into your face before you have your first heart attack at 15, go ahead.

It is a different shape as all it is. Can I have my starch in a shape, a smaller shape? I want it with small circles in the wet cow product. Sure. Because Daddy and I are having big circle and the dry cow product. Yeah. big circle and the dry cow problem. Yeah. I know I do this all the time.

I have to call up my wife when she does this because like we get pizza and the kids are like not eating their pizza and would rather have something like, you know, all they want to a piece of cheese or something. And my wife is like, no, eat your pizza. And I'm like that the pizza is the least healthy substance in the right. Yeah. If they don't want to eat their pizza, they don't have to eat the yeah. So, so, so, yeah. So she trolls him with her little prayer there about how he sucks. And then bitches in him for ripping off those, she's like, wait, did you rip off the minister

in the last scene? He's like, why would you? How would you know that? And so they, they fight about that for a minute. And then he verbally abuses his wife. He says, you only time you open your mouth is to eat. And that's horrifying. And would have had some emotional weight if his wife had an immediately taken a vengeance bite out of her pizza to punctuate the moment. So I'm like, Oh God, that's horrible.

And I'm trying to empathize with these characters in this movie. And then this woman stuffs an entire fucking paper by into her mouth. All right. So he wanders off to go sit near a couch. Miss the couch again. Right? Yep. You see, it's for me. Yep, he's sitting on the carpet in front of it. You can see a target of the director painting on the couch. Like, in the camera mirror off to the floor. Yeah. There's like gaffer tape on there like this and the thaw.

So yeah, so he's fucking hate watching TV, clicking from the channel to channel. And he happens upon this televangelist who sure does make a lot of sense. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but here's the thing, like televangelists for the most part are like eloquent speakers. So I assume this is someone that Alex Kendrick owed money to. He's got all the televangelist rhythms, but none of the speaking. Yeah. I'm just like bondage bondage bondage he's like if you the reason you're in bondage is to burn to burn. And I'm like, what if God wants me to be in bondage? Should I should I be in bondage?

Well, so, but now the fucking sermon that he's delivering, if you translate it out of Christian would just be white privilege, white privilege, white privilege, right? Because everything he says, he's like, you know, everything about your life is a result of the choices that you've made. You are responsible 100% for everything that has happened in your life. And by the way, this is something that was intentionally inserted into Christian theology to prop up white supremacy. I feel like that's, that's like worth noting.

Oh, okay, because I thought it was just to prop up the multi mega billion dollar churches who are like, they literally literally the people pay a guy To be wealthy and say you're not wealthy like me because of your choice Christianity is yep So fucking weird and then they try for this like pseudo supernatural moment right because he turns the TV off and he throws the remote and the TV comes back on. Oh, I totally missed that.

I, I had to watch it twice because I saw that nose, nose, nose. And I was like, Oh, that's what they were going for. Just like I've reached my limit. Each scene, you know, I can do about five minutes and then my brain just starts giving. Well, right. But so here's how badly they do this. He throws the fucking remote. The TV comes back on.

He picks up the remote again and he turns it off and nothing happens. So yeah, either God reached out and turned the TV back on or when he's through the remote, it hit the on button on the cushion. You know, like that happens. So anyway, there wasn't like an additional message after that. It was just like, no, it's like, maybe it literally wasn't in the script. Why privilege? Yeah. Also, we get the pan shots of the sun, cry sleeping, the director was like, all right, the sun and the white,

you're gonna be sleeping, but you're also in the process of crying as you're sleeping. Because that's our sense of subtlety, like that's what we're able to do here, that's our artistic ability. So the sun's cry sleeping, and then they go to the wife, and the wife is cry asleep, I'm just like,

wow, does he? Can you sleep, Dan, hate him at the same time with your face? Can you do, can we get that? I really wanted her to slowly reach under the pillow, pull out a piece of pizza, and get it. Yeah. All right, I'll tell you what,

the we deserve a break, so we're gonna take one, but we'll back in a minute with even more. Flywheel. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha moral would you like to be about that? I don't know. What are your options? Okay, well, there's feudalism. The phone is free and it's brought to you on a golden pillow. Wow, that's awesome. But everybody else is a literal slave. Oh, I don't love that. Okay, all right, not a feudalism guy.

Fine. How about uncontrolled capitalism? Okay. Now, in this one, the phone is $500, but we can get it to your house in two days. Hmm. And no slaves. Yeah. I mean, what are you going to do? You're going to give a guy digging cobalt out of the ground 15 bucks an hour. I'm sure. Um, if you have anything more ethical, okay. All right. I knew you were anything more ethical? Okay. All right.

I knew you were looking for purely ethical capitalism, right, this way, sir. Everybody gets paid a fair wage. Everything is made ethically. Even Dave here gets free housing when he needs it. Hi, thank you. Thank you. Oh, no problem. Yeah.

So, how much is the phone here? About $2,400. $2,400? Yep. Just about $2,400. $2,400? Yep, just about $2,400, but Dave has a house. I love my house, thank you. Cool. Let's go with the first one.

No problem, sir. Oh, Dave, stop whining, you commie. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to open up with Jay. Reaching his breaking point, I guess, like, Tweedle D is overcharging some young woman for a car and he just can't take it anymore. See, I was just head over heels for this girl and I'll tell you why everyone in this film is the ugliest, most biggest unattractive person in the world.

Except this one girl in the entire film who is a girl. Like that's just a girl. Yeah, it's just a normal looking person. Yeah, and I was such a relief that my eyes, I did my heart to the book, like out of my shirt, it's like I couldn't even. Yeah, she's not spilling out of her clothes like porridge in a fairy tale. Yeah, she doesn't have half a microwave pizza in her mouth with the plastic still on it. It was like, where do they get her?

Seriously, she must be related to somebody. Yeah, she's certainly not Albany, Georgia. Yeah, she's like young enough to where we can get, we can trick her into being into this movie. It's the one normal person in this movie. So, so he sells the car to her and then they leave and we leave Jay, the main character in the car dealership by himself. And he looks up and there's a sign up above him that says honesty is the best policy.

And they have this dramatic moment where he pulls that down and he's going to rip the sign, but he can't rip the sign because a eh, he lacks the strength and be the dude wasn't going to let him rip up his honesty. It's the best policy sign. So they like, he grabs it and he goes to tear it and they pan up and we hear this fucking sound effect, which is very clearly fabric being ripped, right? It's not a paper product that's getting ripped here. They're just grabbed when Captain

Von Trapp rips the Nazi flag. They just like that sound cute. Yeah. So he proud boys that sign for a little bit and his sales force come back in, right? And they're like, wouldn't they're a sign or something or a clock up there? We don't know much about honesty because of how un-Christian we are and whatnot. And my notes just like, should we joke about being fat some more? I'm not gonna say. Takes a minute for the scene to do anything.

I like, what do we, ah, fat guy. Yeah, they gotta rev up to each bit of dialogue. They're like, okay. Rev, rev, rev, rev, rev, rev, rev. I like chips, rev, rev, rev, rev. Yeah, right, right. So, okay, so then they have them, I like ships. Right. Right. Right. So, okay, so then they have them, like I learned it from watching you moment, right where Jay comes in and he's like, Hey, Tweedle D, you ripped that lady off.

You shouldn't do that anymore. We're going to be honest car companies. Like I learned it from watching you. And then they, they, they wanted her off and, and, and are sad or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, but and it's like they're totally right. Like I don't yeah, you know, like yeah, you the he J is the king ripoff artist of the world. Right. Well, it's a very least if he's going to like turn over on New Leaf, he has to like establish that. He can't just go like, Hey, stop being the thing that you've always been and I've paid you. Stop doing exactly what I've trained exactly right.

Yeah. Right. I was hoping all the other characters in the movies could change first. No, all right. I guess I'll do mine first. So yes, he wanders out into the lot to sad for a little while and we come across this old guy now. We haven't really discussed max yet right so

Max is the old guy that's fixing up the triumph that works for him and will occasionally just show up to give him magic old person wisdom. Oh, but this is the scene where they try to make the flywheel metaphor work. Yep. Yep. And it's like you ever do that game at camp where everyone tells one word of a story That's how they try to establish the flywheel metaphor. He's like, yep, this car. I think the flywheel might be stripped Uh-huh, and that would be for the Oh, three three four

four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four four press it wrench and loosen the tightening. Single bolt inside, like, ah, dead gum, and if I find the right bolt to tight. Yeah, right. And I'm trying to lift the loosey in, righty, tidy, dammit. And then I agree with you, I think the metaphor of this movie, the scene is the metaphor scene, and I think the direction was just talk about the car, and I think anything you say will be a metaphor.

So just go with that. And they're like, well, you see thing about a beautiful car is you got to make sure you turn your headlights off. And you park it. And they're just like, yeah, that's good. Just keep going. Pop the hood. And is this meant?

Okay. We won't. Yeah. Back miles per gallon. Do this for 10 minutes. And then we'll just take any word you use. And that'll be the title of the film and the metaphor for the story. Our audience are people who redeph in the Bible.

So no matter what you say, you're going to be fucking nail it. And they kind of do it with that tone. Yeah, and that's why you got to jiggle the keys a little when. Well, they even set him up for this, right? Like because he even asks him, he's like, well, what does a flywheel do? You know, and then they're like, oh, okay, so now we're gonna dig in and they're gonna give this whole illusion

about how well sometimes life is coming at you too fast. And sometimes you don't have enough energy. So you need a flywheel to distribute the whatever says something, right? But they don't know enough to do that. So they're like, well, it makes the car go if without it, it wouldn't go. And you need to go with a car, which is true about pretty much any other part. They don't differentiate it in any way from any other necessary part of the car. It also shines a ton of light on why Max hasn't gotten this thing fixed. What's the flywheel, dude? I don't fucking know man. I was like, Crescent Ranch. Yeah. Jay is like, let me get this straight.

You've known that you just need a new part this whole time and you've been billing me for labor for like four weeks of just tinkering. Like, anyway, have I told you about Jesus? Cause I can tell you about Jesus right now. Sounds like we need to order that fucking part. What are you doing out here all day? That's it.

All right, so the old guy wraps it up telling him about how Jesus is like a flywheel. And then we go watch him sit near his couch some more, right? So this time you can tell he missed hard because he's like, boy, now he's very obviously heard. There's like an ice pack on his ass like they have some crew member who was like, damn, you're gonna need this.

And we get to see he's looking at all the family photos, and this is his actual family, right? Like, he didn't hire. No, it's not. No, it's not. His actual family was even worse than this, apparently. Jesus. Well, I can say that earlier in the credits,

I noticed it wasn't as real. No, we see her wedding pictures, and she's wearing, it's like a community theater production of Lord of the Rings with this wedding dress in this fucking photo. And we see him look at it. And then again, it pans back to him. And I know he's supposed to be acting, but he doesn't. He's completely blank-faced. So it looks like he looks at the wedding picture and he's like, oh, she worked very hard. See, I thought when I looked at it, I was like like your wife used to look like that no wonder you're upset Things if I mean I don't know what he looked like but it just shows the wife so things have gone downhill

It's you know a few dozen too many cardboard pizzas a day. We'll do that too apparently Yeah, you should go keep it to one lunch. I was it So now he's gonna do his come to Jesus prayer, but he's going to do it in a very, very strange way. Yeah, is it come to Jesus or is it come to the prophet Muhammad? I think it fits in with the rest of his doesn't know how furniture works. I guess he doesn't know how like kneeling, because he just becomes a Muslim, right? Am I nuts?

Or maybe he's just hedging his bats, right? Like later on, he's gonna like try Buddhist shit or something. He's like, I'm gonna put some incense in a shrine. We see him do a little bit of each position. I think. Yeah. It's like he's shooting for only fans.

He's throwing it back for God. It's really upset. It's not a position I ever wanted to see Alex Kendrick in. And I think I speak on behalf of Jerry Falwell's Bullboy when I say that's a really upsetting image. All right, so sometime later, so he has his prairie, comes to Jesus. And then sometime later,

he's sitting around in his room noise when his wife gets home. Ha ha ha ha ha. Jesus at the hiss in this fucking movie. And he wants to apologize for, you know, the abuse the night before. And this is such a wildly uncomfortable scene because this is the, I just abused you

and now I'm gonna talk you down from doing anything about, like the right thing for this character to do is leave this man Right. Oh, yeah, for sure, but this movie is going to reinforce the idea that no, no, your abusive husband if he comes to Jesus We'll be just fine stick it out Well, if I know anything about marriage what your wife wants you to do is you know after you verbally abuse her is to Apologize by dominating the conversation the entire time and saying all the things she's feeling at her and not letting her talk. And then you fix it.

Everybody, everything's fine. Make a sex. And then you explain how she feels about your apology. Exactly. What's amazing is that this is a great moment, where when we get this occasionally, where Christianity understands that yelling at your wife is bad, but they don't know why it's bad. It's like when you're trying to teach a toddler not to climb into a stove,

but they don't understand hot or burn or death yet. So they're just like, okay, so that door I can't go in, but this one I can, this is fucking weird. It's good. All right, so we cut to them't go in, but this one I can, this is fucking weird. That's it. All right, so we cut to him now, it's the next morning. He's a apologize to his wife. He's turned his life over to Jesus.

He's gonna go to church now. But so we cut to him like, ready to sell cars the way Jesus would. And his first step of being a Jesus to guy, if you guys noticed, is to park terribly across three parking spots? Oh, I didn't know that. It's like, what?

It's like in the last day of Groundhog Day, when he finally figures it out, it wakes up and just like punches a guy out. Oh, fuck, dammit. You know what, that's not a good start. All right, so yeah, so we got to, he's at work. He's reading through the Bible, looking for wisdom. And it's like, this is so lazy.

They, it's someone, guys, come on. Come on. You lazy fuckers. Well, it's very long book. It's a very long book. He doesn't even have the full Bible. He's got like his Bible cheap for work. He's like, all right.

Now that I've given over this, used car and podium to God. Let me see what he wants. Murder those guys, murder those guys, murder those guys. Okay, here's something vague enough I can use for use car sales. Right. Oh, man. Yeah. Let's see. Four skins, four skins, four skins, a lot of four skin stuff in

here. I don't know how that applies to use car lots. But yeah, and I love to like the best way to turn your failing business around is to not be working when you should be working just leading a fucking book. Yeah. I don't think Jesus is a good like business owner example, either. Did he sell anything? No, yeah, nothing you think about it.

We don't hear about how great he was as a carpenter. So, no. Yeah. It might have been a failing business and that's why he turned to the whole God stuff. Like, sure. Fuck it. Profit margin a failing business and that's why he turned to the whole God stuff. Like, sure. Fuck it. Profit margin, 100%.

Because he says, all right, Lord, this is your lot. I will honor you with it. And I just picture like a big booming voice being like, no, third. Good. Good. In Albany, Georgia, wow, you should help. God's version of getting a gift from grandma.

He's just like, wow, this is great. Where did you get it? Where's the receipt for the other? Oh, yeah, oh, great. Oh, great. You. Jesus. So, okay, so Tweedle D gets to work, right?

And we have to have a moment where they, it would him and Tweedle Dumb say, you know, okay, so, Tweedle D gets to work, right? And we have to have a moment where they, it would him and Tweedle Dumb say, you know, like, hey, you're overweight. No, you're overweight. We're both overweight. You know, we have to do that again. Oh, this is the thing where they're like, we were supposed to, for, at this point, I'm shipping them as characters. I don't know if you guys think this, but I was like, oh, this is a, this is a fiery gay love story story and I'm fucking on board for it. But they have this thing where he's like, we were supposed to meet it depressing name for a diner in Georgia.

No, I went to even more depressing name for a diner in Georgia. No, without one was closed because of the suicides last week. So that's why we're going to go to this one. All right. I'll tell you what tomorrow morning 8 a.m. I'll meet you at failure and shoot yourself. I'll have to. And then Max comes through and says,

well, I sure am the black guy in this movie and then he wanders off. I'm not. My note is like, does he get a line? And like he does to the line. I still don't know what he does there. And he's apparently employed. And literally his line is essentially like, I'm just a black guy. Like, I don't have what he does there. He's apparently employed. And literally his line is essentially like,

I'm just a black guy. Like I haven't word for word, but he's like, well, I'm just a black man and the tweedle dumb and the cut. Yeah. Oh, so we get this long painful moment of breakfast humor. And then Jay calls everybody together so he can apologize to his whole team for being a dishonest un-Jesus-y bad atheist person. And he says like, from now on, we're not going to sell barcars

for big profits and whatnot. And as employees who work on commissioners, like, I'm sorry, did you just say that you're going to pay us a lot less money? And he's like, yes, yes, I did. Yes, and to be fair, their first reaction is, oh, okay, so like you want to treat people fairly, so you're gonna raise our salary to make up for the commission loss and he's like, nope, nope, not gonna do that. No, I would like to treat people fairly, but I don't make less money, so you guys make a lot of money. Right, no, I want to treat people fairly, not you guys, not you too. Yeah, I'm a Christian, you're your employees, I don't make less money. So you guys make money. Right, no, I want to treat people with fairly not you guys,

not you too. Yeah, I'm a Christian. You're your employees. I don't have to do employees. Right. I don't have to do employees. You can. You're lucky.

I'll use a fucking barcode. Lucky I don't hit you with a stick. I'm pretty sure if you wake up in 24 hours, I can hit you with a stick. Yeah. So yeah, but it's always work for us. It's like dude, like fuck you. Like, but it's always work force is like, dude, like fuck you. Like we came into work today and you're like, you're gonna make half as much

money. No, we're leaving. We're gonna go make more money rather than less. One of the guys is like, I'm taking my chips and I'm out of here. He just like takes a hold. He has arms full of bags of chips. Well, and again, this for my shipping, the Star Cross lovers, they leave together. Brian's like, I'm leaving Vince, you coming with me and we see this beautiful moment where Vince decides between, you know, staying in his small job or following the love of his life into a new place where they can finally be together and they fucking do it. They fell on Louise their way out of that car dealership.

It's beautiful. You get a minute of the camera on Brian. Well Vince is like, babe, hey, babe, you come. That's sweetie, sweetie, babe, hun. I got chips. I've got chips. I've got chips. Now I really, really wanted him to have swept him up in his arms like the end of officer

and a gentleman. And hungry eyes. Oh, shit. And then of course he, they leave and we turn back to the black guy, he goes, I told you they were some strange white boys, you know, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, it walks off. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And then the J by the way, it's like, oh, I'm kind of glad he quit because the numbers really would not have worked. You know, like, in fact, you're all fired because I don't know why any of you work here. Right. Yeah, I don't even know what you do. Black guy, I just keep paying you for like, it says here on the invoice, um, shaking your head disapprovingly. You know, times 14. I don't know if I can afford that anymore. The quality is but stop shaking your head disapproving. I can't pay you for this. I'm not. It's a build on.

I'm not. All right, so the tweedles go to leave. And dammit, if old car fixer guy hasn't hooked one of their brakes up to the horn. Yeah, yeah, which is the closest they ever get to humor in this movie. But the actor, the actor can't manage it, right? Because they obviously didn't do that because that's a crazy sentence. So they were just like, and then as you're driving away every time you break, you're going

to hit the horn and he's like, got it. No, that was you breaking. Oh, sorry. Now the break is off because the car is going, stop hitting it while I'm talking to you. When you have the hard time doing this and holding my chips at the same time, thank you. If I could get a crew member to feed me the chips while I do this, I think I could pull it off. That's why you didn't let me wear my beer hat full of chip props. And by the way, like also this is supposed to be like the godly turn, right? So like Jay and we, you know, the old man who apparently works full time as a, as a fly wheel replacement guy or whatever. Yeah.

He just, it Cressant wrench operator. He just wrenched. He's supposed to be super saintly too, right? But then when the guy leaves, they're pranking him like yeah, and what's probably a dangerous way like I hope There's a huge car accident because of this and they well right yeah, several people are killed right there They're taking petty revenge on the guy who left the job because he came in one day and the boss told him He was gonna pay him a lot less money. Yeah, exactly like how the fuck do you guys think you're the good guy in? Anyway, yeah.

Yeah, you're really holy. Wow. But yeah, so he calls his wife and tells him like, hey, I'm Jesus-y now, but that means that everybody quit, so almost certainly gonna lose our business. And his wife's like, okay, well, let me call your dad so that he can be proud of you in the next scene, right? Which I have no idea why that scene exists. Right.

Yeah. All I can imagine is that this is Alex Kendrick forcing his dad once in his life to say he's proud of that. He can't create on camera. Yeah, I think Donald Trump Jr. tried the same thing, but Donald Trump was like, fuck you, kid. I'm not. He held a whole RNC over.

Yeah, but before dad can show up, we have to have the moment where they find the flywheel, which is amazing, right? Because this, the whole thing is like, yeah, I got to find a flywheel for this triumph TR3 and boy, I hadn't made them since 1958. Sure, we'll be difficult to find that the way they resolve it as he walks out there And the guys like oh, I found that flywheel by the way That's it where was it it was in the movie plot store It was on the props table labeled flywheel. Yeah, where I found it. Jesus Christ. But then his dad shows up that night

to pray over him and tell him, now that he loves Jesus, he's proud of him and whatnot, right? And I my whole time I'm like, is he a ghost? Please tell me the dad is a ghost. You know, like I'm trying to make this more interesting. At a certain point, he sets down his cane. I'm like, yeah, he doesn't need his cane anymore. He's his ghost. But it's like, no, his dad just drove from Atlanta or something. Why did they zoom in on the cane? It was so weird. Why was there so much sexual tension with the dad? Yeah. Did anyone read that but me? That's pretty common in the Bible of the angels. There's a lot of sexual tension. You know, there's a whole wrestling scene.

If I'm remembering correctly. Yeah, man. What I was missing in Alex Kendrick, his actual dad wrestling scene, would have made this movie for me. Well, and the, also like the way dad explains Jesus it all keeps sounding like Holy Trinity Bukkaki with all the showering of gifts and raining down on him

and a lot of touching and yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, here's the whole conspiracy. The conspiracy is an apologies. I just, this all made all these connections right now. I'm going to do a quick TED talk. Christianity allows men to be pieces of shit. Agreed, right?

You can do the yell at your wife. You get to be an asshole. And then what they do is they also think that anyone who rejects God does so because they have dad issues. And so this movie is like, that's the whole thing. Like if you accept Jesus Christ back in your life, your asshole dad will come back and be like, oh, proud of you, son. Everything will be fine. And so it's, and thus the circle continues. So he's an asshole to his kid, even though he thinks he's being a good guy. And then, you know, if his son, like, you know, leaves the church, then he'd be like, well, he has daddy issues. Yeah.

Well, and they reinforce that with a very neck scene, right? Because the neck scene is him being a good father and a good husband, right? He comes in to see his kids volcano project and shit. Okay. This was great because this is so obviously Alex Kendrick being blown away by this totally fine science project, you know, but like it's either the only acting he does in the movie or Alex Kendrick is shitting himself at the thought of the fucking craftsmanship that went into this paper machine. Oh, he's staring at it like he wants to fuck it.

Yeah, I like the idea that the actor himself literally has never seen a science project. Like, wow. And this, this is a vault. Will stuff come out of it? Yeah, dude, that's not your lines. Can you? Look at this. Look at this.

It's like, it's wrinkly. It's folded like a real, it looks like a mountain. It's oh my god. It's folded like a real it looks like a mountain. Oh my god Is there real lava in here? So he goes to like his apology to this to the son and he's like you know, I'm a shitty dad and the kids like yep He's like you didn't have to agree that quick But okay, I'm gonna be better It's it's God's fault that I haven't been better yet, right?

You could see the wheels turning in the kids head of like, how do I not agree too fast? Oh, you don't say. Well, and then so we have this seam worries with his wife and he's helping her for laundry now because he's a good husband now. Yeah, because they also operate a hotel. I think there's so many towels.

Tax of towels. Like, this was insane. The pure. They have 500 pure white towels. They are folding together. Oh my God. That was this KKK stuff. Well, they have a lot of pizza grease to wipe out.

Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. All right. So, yeah. And so, there have this conversation where he's like, yeah, she's like, you know, with all your employees gone, will you be able to run the stories? Like, they only sat around and ate fucking chips.

Of course, why would it matter? But he's like, no, I wouldn't be able to do it by myself. If only I can find somebody that I can rip off and underpay to do the work. Yeah. Then I won't have to rip people off anymore. And once you know it, God will definitely send you someone you can exploit, whose labor you can exploit.

That's what God does. I like the idea too that he gets there in the morning and there's just a palette of chips like the normal, that do employees have been ordering just like tons of domestic tons of chips. The guy from the vending machine company is standing outside weeping hysterically. I got a kid in college, man. And here's the thing, you're not doing any business. You don't need more sales. No, he's always like, I don't know how I'm going to do it.

But then the whole thing again, like I started off at the beginning, he lowers his prices, he's gonna be so fair, so he's selling the car for less, and now he has no fucking customers. And he's like, I need more people to pay money to do nothing. That's the only way this business works. Yeah, so okay, so now Jesus sends him a cheap salesman, right?

This guy shows up, he says, Hi, it's the next scene. I wanna work for you for six weeks for minimum wage. Okay. I gotta say, I genuinely laughed when the guys like six weeks or J is like six weeks and the guys like minimum weight. I think that's actually how Christians think about employees like. No question. Yeah. Definitely exploit me. You can hit me if you want. As long as I wake up within 24 hours, this explains any tip I've ever gotten from a Christian.

Yeah, watch this movie. Right. And we're just waiting for me to go minimum way. Jesus. Oh, and, oh, and would you look at that? Max got the triumph running off camera. Yeah, I'm not tightened the correct bolt. Yeah.

Oh, it's the working bolt. It's like it was loose. So now it works. And the best part is this is where we watch these two actors realize that there wasn't like a thing towards the plot with this car. He's like, I got it working. And he's like, great. Was I know we sell it? And then it saves the dealership, right? No, no, no, Just the car. It's here. Because you could probably get the 32 grand you need out of that triumph. Now that it's camera. No, absolutely not. Just drive. Yeah. So and then we get this great moment where Alex Kendrick tries to write dialogue. Right. He's sitting around with his new minimum wage employee and the guy basically turns to him

and goes like, so you, you come here often. I, it is where he tries to pitch us an Albany, Georgia. Oh my God. He goes, it's, it's a-sized city. It has 75,000 people. You just told us so much more about the size of your penis than you know you told us to. Good-sized city. Let me tell you about the many attractions and fun things to do here in Albany Georgia. There's this used car lot Killing yourself another car lot across the street by the way Depressingly named a diner you can eat there this scene is in here because he got $50 from the Albany tourism Which to be fair was their budget for the decade of 2000 like they still

That was all 2000 through 2010. They were like, we gave Alex Kendrick that $50 to say that Albany feels like a city. Nothing more in the coffers after that. That's all we got. So yeah, and so, okay, so they talk a little while and he's going like, you know, again, the dialogue is so still to the new employee

is saying stuff like, speaking of selling cars, you sure love Jesus a lot, huh? Shouldn't we rip the customers off at least a little bit? No, okay. And then they have this great moment where they need to set up the big payoff that's gonna come later in the movie.

So he's like, hey, I've been working here for maybe a day, it's unclear. What are you take off and give me the keys and I'll lock up and handle all the paperwork and all the private stuff here? Yeah, we're like $300,000 worth of inventory. You would then be entrusting me. Yeah, you know why not? Right. There is no fucking way you could possibly trust this doofus. He's the least trustworthy looking person. And before I knew what was happening in this movie, I wrote down like, he's actually

an undercover investigator trying to bust the used car salesman serial killer. Maybe it's close. Yeah, actually. All right. And then again, this is such a lazily written movie. Then we cut to five weeks later when that guy's about to leave. He'd been there for a week, apparently, as of that scene. Right. So it's like five weeks later, that employees not going to be there anymore. He's like, Kevin, thank you for working here. Yes, I thought you would be a dick, but you're not. Okay, goodbye.

This is over now. Yeah. I wish we sold more cars, because again, when we lowered prices, nobody wanted to buy the car. That's okay. So, and then the banker calls, and he's like,

Hey, man, did you guys just flash forward five fucking weeks? You owed me $32,000. Are you supposed to give that to me on Friday? It's been six fucking weeks now. The banker is like in a time warp, he doesn't know. Where am I?

Am I calling you from the past now? It's amazing thing where he goes. $12,000 is a good start, but it's not the amount of money you owe. It is an amount of money. So good for you. I think. And I was Kendrick. It's just like, yeah, I wanted to sell more cars, but I didn't.

Can I have another month to pay you? So, dude, you just had five weeks in the last fucking title card. Yeah, this is where they say like, you'd have to sell every car on the lot to make this payment. I'm like, it's 24,000 bucks. You have to sell every car on the lot to make a month's rent. What the hell is this? Well, and two, look, these idiots do the fucking math force.

They tell us later that the car has, that the lot has 35 cars. They tell us that they're making $1,500 a car. That doesn't add up to $24,000. Just don't give us the numbers if you don't want us doing the fucking math. Well, I think they're paying old guests like $80,000 a year to just be a full time like wrench or a wrench or slash metaphor constructor. Like that's what it is. Sam makes six figures shaking his head. Yeah. Well, right. That's over. I get it. I get it. All right. Yeah. He's well, there's a lot of lawsuits that the one black employee is paying those off. So the banker leaves and he's like, well, you have until Friday or I'm going to come and seize all your

cars. You haven't done Friday five weeks after the Friday. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Don't you go flashing forward in time on me again, dammit. Yeah. All right. So we basically now had a character look directly into camera and start his sentence with, well, the stakes of this movie are, so I feel like we've earned another break. But first, let me give Ack three of the hards out. Will he sell enough cars?

Will he sell cars enough? Will enough cars be sold by him? Find out the answers to literally just that question We return for the yes, he will sell enough cars conclusion of flywheel Hi, hey, do you work here? Yes, and I hope you find a car today Wait a second are you God? Yeah, yeah, that's me Wow What are you doing selling you God? Yeah, yeah, that's me. Wow! What are you doing selling you cars?

Yeah, um... Like a buddy of mine, he kind of gave me this place, so I'm... I'm helping him out of debt. Huh, well, uh, wow, that's nice of you. Yeah, well, you know, he did turn his life over to me. So Yeah, so are you a Honda man? You look like a Honda man Yeah, I don't know. Hey my grandma has cancer. Why did you give my grandma cancer? Dude look, I'm trying to sell some cars here. Okay, I don't have time to do the whole god gig while I'm also doing that Uh, okay, sure. Yeah, that... Yeah, that makes sense. Um, do you have any good Hondas?

I don't know. Is he who smashes the heads of the O'Malley Guide babies against the rocks happy? Yee... Yes? Yes, yes. They are. Let me show you some foredoors. Cool. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to open up on our heroes sitting around at home looking for some wisdom in the Bible. And this is fiction. So he'll find some, right? But or he won't because the only thing that the Bible really says at this point is, God's got that shit. Don't worry. Yeah. It's it's amazing because he's like, yeah, what's the Bible say about

when your business is about to go out? And she's like, oh, oh, Bible says stop being a negative Nancy. And he's like, okay, stop being a negative Nancy, got it. Well, the effect of everything they've read in the Bible is like, God wants you to be perfectly still and do absolutely nothing or worry about anything.

And then he'll sell the cars for you. I don't know the last part. Everything they've read is like, don't do anything. Literally, do not stop, don't say anything. Stay there and just believe in God. And then magically you'll have a thriving business. That's how it works. Well, and it's so bizarre that the movie

actually has to confront that, right? Because he turns to his wife and he says, wow, you know, to a non-Christian observer, this would seem like we were thinking backwards, huh? It's like, yep, but they would be wrong for various reasons wouldn't they? Yeah. And they have this weird conversation about like, it's not our money. It's God's money that he lets us use. And I wrote in my notes, at this point, I would tell someone that their subdom relationship

is getting unhealthy, and they need an outside intermediary to like set lines and talk about what they want out of a financial domination relationship. I would start sitting them down with God to talk about like, you know, it's not all about safe words.

It's also about like, what is making him happy? Can we talk about this? I guess. Have you tried fucking Jerry Falwell, Jr.'s wife together? Like it might be more fun. So all right. So now he's in the lot. He's being a good dad when he's competing with his son having a car joy. I know that you would be competing in a good way. He's like getting way too serious about it too.

The kids like, my car has rockets on the top daddy. Oh, your car fucking sucks. My car is better triple booster rockets. They go super shot up and fuck you. And fuck you. You just crumbles it up against you. He's just wrestling. We come back to him and the son of wrestling on the floor.

Just lights his picture on fire. Yeah, he's trying to stop his son's picture and his mouth. Wow. Yeah, you're car. How fast is it now? How fast is it now? So, okay. So while he's sitting around hanging out with the kid, Mary comes in.

Mary is a character we've never met, but Mary is in desperate financial strates and can't pay off the rest of her car. So she has to give the car back because you know, that's how it works. You can either, you know, make the payments or give them back the car. They're fine with it. Either way. And her financial situation literally gets worse by all of a sudden. She said, I'm so sorry.

I have to give back the car. My husband lost his job. And of course, our son is sick and he's sick because he tried to give back the car my my husband lost his job and of course our son is sick and He's sick because he tried to give this three-legged puppy radiation for the puppies cancer Puppy big now he has spider-man powers, but for cancer puppies and Well, it's so funny because they have to keep adn't shit because the callousness of Christians is such that they're like Well, you should have got right with the Lord, bitch. Yeah. Right. So they have to add the three, like, and puppy cancer or there will be no sympathy in their audience. And can we talk about how this Mary character that we're just now meeting

wants her kid to die? Because she comes in and she sneaks in as you say, keeps getting worse, where she says, yeah, kid sick sick and we need this car to take him to his appointments to get our kit for our sick kid. Anyway, here is the car. I'm not, I'm not stopping paying and waiting for you to come pry it from my kid's dead hands because I need it to transport my dying kid. I don't have a mention. I have a dying kid. Yeah. I'm just going to give it to you because I don't really want my kid to live. I'd rather have to stop driving back and forth. It's a lot of miles.

Because these payments are a real bitch. I didn't think about the insurance, too, when I made my agree to it. Dead kid is one thing, welcher is another. No one's going to call me a welcher. Also, and this is where he says, and we all know what's going to happen. He's going to say, here, you can have a car for free. I'm a Christian, but he says a sentence here, so baffling that I paused the movie and truly thought about it for five minutes.

He says, you've been one of my best customers. Yeah. When you want to use car lot, that can only mean they come in and buy a car like once a week, right? And he gouges her every time. Yeah, right. Every time he's gouged. You never checked the Kelly Blue Book value.

You're my best customer. So, yeah, so he's like, you can, you can have the car. And his son is super impressed. We get that from context clues, not from his pace. But camera zooms in like, as if to go, you want to go for an emotion now? No. No. My. Oh, I never mind. Never mind. Do you do you? Kid is staring at her like he's trying to blow her head up with his tail. And for the last hour of this film, by the way, this was the somebody fell asleep on the

Yamaha Ksynth keyboard tune. The rest of the movie. I actually thought I had 10 to 9 is at one point. Like I took up my headphones and I was like, oh my tins, I got to tap on my hand. I was like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, I can't, can you hear that? Ah, can you hear that? Oh, you know, make all these weird noises.

All right, so now he's back at home. Being a good husband, we have this pointless and long diversion about credit card offers. I would, I would absolutely refuse this scene. It's just like, junk mail, am I right? I will I would absolutely refused this scene Junk male am I right? Spam calls and junk male and I was just like oh no Yeah, what I thought they were building to like does God have a credit card offer

That You know that God will save me and then the guy in the boat comes he's like getting my boat and is like no God will save me and the whole punch line is like he dies And then God is like hey, I sent you a guy in a boat like is it that kind of thing? Like I do this no interest credit card offer with great points by the way And a point of sign like is that cashback? by the way, Annapurna sign like, is that cashback? Yeah. It's just there for nothing. It's absolutely nothing. No point at all.

Yeah. And his wife says, how do you feel? She says, well, what do you call it when your life's turning upside down, but you still feel like God's in control. And I like, I wrote, oh, a dangerous delusion. I know this one. I know. I have the exact same note except fucking psychotic.

Yeah. And this is where same note except fucking psychotic. You have to have a job that's what. And this is where this isn't yet another scene. I know I've met, I've alluded to the microphone situation, but this is the scene that really drives it home. Here's the thing, they are shooting this on your camcorder that your parents had in the 80s or something. And they only have that onboard fucking mic. And it's always usually pointed out

the star, you know, the Jay. And so he'll come in like loud and basically like, oh, right on the mic. And then the wife will be like, yeah, what is that? And like, that's the sound for the whole thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. All right. So he's just going to watch some TV. And I thought for a minute that we were going for the whole like, right, so he's just going to watch some TV. And I thought for a minute that we were going for the whole, like, oh, now he's a Christian, so he can sit in a chair like a human wood. But later on, we see him shooting for an ottoman and missing.

So that wasn't it. And this is where we get the, like, the TV's going to solve your problem kind of thing. And I'm like, I'm gearing up for it. And the first thing it says is, like, the latest craze in weight loss. It's like eating, use cars or something. I was like, I was ready to get to there. Fire in your fat employee.

All right. So yeah, but no, he flips around to the news and the news is like, in our lead story, the act three turn, you know? So it turns out that the news just you know the news has done a secret camera of sting operation at six random. Used car lots all over Albany Georgia no no no sorry I'm so sorry I I have to write this down in the country. Yeah right.

It was the national fucking. They overshot this so hard. This would be a stretch for your local small town shit news crew. Like this would be still a stretch. You'd be like, all right, I'm gonna move. Use, come on. But no, we're supposed to believe that Tom Jennings, who's get like the major national fucking 60 minutes.

Yeah, like ABC news did this. Yeah. He says, I in quotes, six used car lots picked at random in the United States. At random. I hope they went to like Alaska. You know, I got one like way out there. Why don't we commit to random?

Uh, you. Yeah. So they start talking about how yeah, everybody was a real piece of shit except for this guy from this movie who was a true Christian And I'm like, okay, good then the movies over are there 29 minutes of credits or something And I love to in the build up to it. They build it up like the used car industry is it's and they make it out And I'm like this kind of contradicts the whole film because they make it out like everyone is just a fucking oil baron from a cartoon like a yeah car salesman is just they got their their on a mountain of treasure and

this fucking was just in debt couldn't even keep up with his payments when he was ripping people off right right well yeah and then that's kind of what they're saying here is like, yeah, so what he was doing was really just the industry standard anyway, but dammit if he wasn't the only honest one. So now he goes to work the next day and the car. Well, the eight, what it said in the script is the lot is filled with people raised by God. My God, there are tens of people in his hands. Well, well. Yeah, and also one more quick note on the behind the scenes, it turns out again, the guy

that they hired for six was the undercover investigator. We kind of, I mean, you all knew that, but just in case. And I love it, too, because they show the like, we live in an alternate universe in this movie where you don't need anyone's permission to put them on your fucking new show. So they just went undercover, exposed docs to this guy, you know, like all these people, show their faces. And I love it too because we see the scenes with, you know, with Jay, our intrepid hero. And I was like, I see, I remember this scene.

I was there and there wasn't a camera. So how do you know? Right. Right. Hidden camera. Oh, we hidden camera in front of him. This is after this. It was weird.

It was kind of a weird hide. The hiding the hidden camera was like the dude employee was holding a selfie stick like to it. It was four feet to his right. You know, so J was so stupid. He didn't like ever ask what that was about. I don't, it makes no sense. Yeah.

So he shows up to the, to the lot the next day and everybody's just slept in line to buy a car from him, right? And oh, so there's a moment like so he calls his wife and he's like, Hey, I need you to come help me sell cars. And she screams so much louder than the goddamn microphone can handle. Yeah. dreams so much louder than the goddamn microphone can handle. Oh, there's so much peeking in this bill. Oh, they just leave it. It's fun.

Yup, they don't give a fuck. Yeah, and again, so like to bring back that, she's one of the kids thing that you were talking about. He's telling his 9.7 month pregnant wife, you're going to come here and spend the entire day on your feet selling cars for me. Yeah, fuck you. And this is where I, I'm a little thick because I still was like, I think I caught that she was pregnant, but I was like, is it supposed to be a secret? Because like in one scene, she was holding a pillow in front of her stomach.

So I still don't know in my mind, is this just Christian movie? They cast someone who was pregnant and she's kind of just whatever, like forget about it kind of thing. So I still don't know in my mind, is this just Christian movie? They cast someone who is pregnant and she's kind of just whatever, like forget about it kind of thing. And so then, like now we've revealed that she's pregnant, because we get a full shot where even I am like, okay, the character is fucking, but this is not whatever. And so at this moment, I'm like, we've gone through this whole thing

and no part of this conflict was ever, I'm not sure I want to have a child with you anymore. You know like her husband is abusing her. He's a piece of shit They don't get along at all and this whole time she was pregnant with another can Well, it also he's about to lose his fucking job is business is about to go under and he's got a new kid on the way Yeah, never brought up. Yeah, the wife was he, that could have been his defect. We have a nut. I don't know if you noticed this, but you're 80 months pregnant. You want me to, to, to turn down free money in my business. And also, by the way, to donate it to the fucking mega church. And we're about to have another kid. That's

what you want me to do. It was never part of the discussion. It's so fucking insane. And so, and, all right. And by the way, we get the, like, car selling montage now where they're selling up the cars to all of the tens of people. It goes on for so goddamn long. It goes on for so long and nobody knows anything about cars. So it's just like a shot, a two shot. And the guy's like, so this is a car. Yes, this is a car.

I'll take it. Does it go room, so this is a car. Yes, this is a car. I'll take it. Does it go room, room, room? Yep. All right. So eventually this goddamn montagians and we cut to the wife like towering up all the money they made that day. And she says, and I quote, we made $38,400 today. And that's after subtracting out the cost of the cars. I'm like, well, I fucking hopes. So by the way, that means that you have way more than that in your account. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Your profit might have been 38,000, but that means your bank account is just fucking what? Like, what's the ratio? It would be like $200,000 at least. Well, I guess they're only making $1,500 bucks a car at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

I get and I don't know too. It's confusing because I do, they do a payment plan for everybody. So maybe then they just have like the down payment, but she says we made that amount and that amount becomes the amount they have later. So like what the, nobody anyway, it makes no fucking sense. Knowing how any business works. Yeah, exactly. But so the banker shows up to get all of the shit, right? And he's like, Hey, where are all the cars? And he's like, here's your money. He's like, but what happened to the cars? He's like, where the fuck do you think I just blew this many people out back?

So the banker comes who we've covered is in charge of this and guys entire existence. He gives him a check. So you've already got the money in your account. And you know that this guy is in charge of your check. He literally tells you how much is in your checking account. I'm pretty sure you could just be like, yeah, take the money. Do a bank thingy. And the money's yours.

I'm sorry, man, did you just give me a UOU? What the hell is this? Yeah, to be fair, he did show up to represest a car lot by himself with nothing. Like, he was just gonna pull a laundry basket out of the back and be like, please put all the keys to all the cars in here. I have a lot of driving to do. He's like, well, I have this one banker's box.

Put the cars in it, I guess. Please. Take, put them all in. All right, so, yeah, so now his car lot is saved, hooray. And we see all the news is just about nothing, but how honest he was, right? Which also somehow created a market that wasn't, you know what I mean?

Like everybody woke up that day and is like, that guy's so honest that I now need a used car. I need a car. Right. I want to buy three cars from him. Yeah. Here in Albany, Georgia, you know, I was thinking, I'm going to buy a car as soon as a national news program tells me who the only honest use car salesman

in America is. That's when I'll make my buying decision. The next morning, like, wake up, like I saw the news, cancel it, honey, cancel everything. We have to go back to this. How are we getting there if we don't have a car? I don't know. Of course, we need a car so badly, but we have a car to get there. It's whatever. We just need it. All right. So yeah.

And of course, we're sitting there thinking like, how the fuck can there possibly be 20 minutes of movie left, right? That's when the wife is like, hey, you know, I was just thinking we've still got 20 minutes of runtime. What if we just paid back all the people that you ripped off before the act to turn? Yeah. I written my wrote my notes. You know the only thing, Dumber, then cutting a commission job out to what you think is

fair to be paid, giving everyone back the money from when you weren't doing that. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And it turns out that they have just exactly as much money as they would need to pay all those people back It's $39,000 over like a five year period. It's like it's not much then No, well, I think he said two years. Oh All right, it still seems like nothing though. Like what is this business model? Yeah, he's sold three cars a year Oh, okay, well in in that case, yeah.

No wonder he couldn't make rent. I didn't. You would think God would just be like, I'm trying to tell you you shouldn't be in this stupid business. So the numbers don't work. We're all right. So he sets out to a tone for all the car selling sins of his past and we get several of these.

We get like three or four of these like him showing up to give them the money. But the first one is amazing because he shows up. He rings this chick store bell. She comes to the door. He's like, hi, I sold you a car about a year ago. And she's like, yeah, I remember like a fucking course you remember. Why so goddamn many cars that you wouldn't remember the one you want last year.

This is how I got my driveway. Well fucking yes you remember Jesus Christ. Anyway, I overcharged you here's $1500 your black. Well, it turns out darn it, she just really needed them money right then because her husband just lost his job and her three-legged puppy just got cancer. So. Yeah. I know.

We get a montage of every customer being like, you are the, you are my savior. You're the best. Which tells me these cars must have been fine. Like none of them ever complained. Nope. And no one were ever like, oh, whatever. And also I wanted somewhere in the montage to be like one, one customer is just totally blowing them after he gets. They're so happy.

Like they're, I mean, it is Georgia. So I guess, yeah, you know, $1,000 in your life is now changed. Yeah, quite quite, quite a difference. So and then of course, like some of them, the people that you get some money back to scream louder than the mics can handle again. Yep. Yep. Oh, you hear that plasticky sound of the like the onboard camcorder mic just maxing out like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's wax paper through the fucking teeth of a comb. Yeah, exactly. We also have this great moment at the end of this montage where it's like, they're supposed

to be like the trashy couple. And they're just like, why are you doing this? This is stupid. And he's like, well, I'm good with Jesus now. And they're like, yeah, yeah, it sounds great. Why are you giving away free money to people? That doesn't make any sense. Anyways, we're going to have a fight about being dead because we're supposed to be comedic.

But yeah, right. It's your job. Our jokes will imply that this is an abusive relationship that we have here, but it's okay, because it's for funny. And again, abusive over being dead. Every day they have the same argument who's making today's bean dip for night lunch. That's how it goes in this time. I also wanted one, just the wife of Jay, whatever name is, she should have snuck in there somewhere that part of the getting right with God,

is like, yeah, just one more step. You just have to shave that stupid ass fucking goatee. That's the guy that says here in songs five. Don't have that goatee. I don't have the roast vocabulary to make fun of that go to properly, but it is just horrible. It is just the stupidest looking thing. If you have that facial hair, I just shave it. Just shave it. I'm sorry.

It's not anything is better than that. Even by 2003 standards, it was pretty bad. Yeah. Okay. So he calls his wife atheist programming, guys. Let's be aware who our target audience is. I was don't worry. I'm going gonna cut it out

This is not just attack people for their go-t's When they wear go-t's some of us just had a kid Thomas fucking relax, okay? But he's precise go-t is like he it looks like the result of a really bad rim. I don't it's awful the result of a really bad rim. I don't it's awful. A really good rim. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're that's in the eye of the beholder. All right.

So quick before we hit a brown eye of the beholder joke, I'm going to move on. So he calls his wife to tell her how easy it is to give people money. He thought that would be harder. Yeah. And then but she tells him he's being prideful, so we have to see the scene where he pays for his pridefulness with racist stereotypes. Oh, man.

Okay, old yelling black lady and her hype mother, she's a hype man. Yeah. Yeah. She's just like, you know, come here and give me a hug. And her mom's just in the back like, it is for it's not just a hate crime. A lot.

It's like a hate crime from a different universe where they have extra stereotypes about people in color. It's Rick and Morty. They went to the hate crime dimension. Exactly. Yeah. They, yeah, they really did for this scene. They're like, how much racism do you think we could squeeze

into 41 seconds? Do you think we can set a record? Like, do you think, let's get the Guinness people out. We got their motorcycle couple on the film. Let's also see how many stereotypes we can get into 41 seconds. All right, so we head back to the used car line and the news shows up and they're like, Hey, we would like to interview you

about the thing everyone's interviewed you about tomorrow at five o'clock and he says, okay, and then we immediately cut to tomorrow at five o'clock. Yeah, like why just say you're doing it now. Yeah, right. And so fucking stupid. So the news is decided though that they want to interview them next to this loud busy road instead of inside.

Mm hmm. And the news crew has a microphone. So they know what a microphone is. Like I've just, I want to know how this at. I wonder if they got all the way to this part of the movie. And then whoever, you know, how it would have hired to do the news crew, like how to mic they're like, have you had that the whole time? Yeah, I was just going to use it for the news cruising.

God fucking damn it. We've been using this on board, Mike. So yeah, so they're interviewing him about the honesty that is national news and whatnot. But darn it, if Tweedle DS sold them out, they're like, you know, the news said that you were super honest, but we talked to a guy who said you weren't honest. Let's go to the clip, right? And so we cut to Tweedle D and he's like, he's not honest. They go to a clip in the movie. Yep, which is a, I wanted him, I wanted them to like,

sure to be like, let's go to the clip. And then he's just like, there's no TV here. I don't know. What are you going to? She's like, no, we're going to watch the pavement. And there's a, imagine what the clip would be like. And imagine it's really incriminating, by the pavement and there's a Imagine what the clip would be like and imagine it's really incriminating by the way. It's a real gotcha She starts she starts doodly doing She like acts it out

All right, so yeah, so that she's like she's like so were you really? Honest are you a lying cheating filthy bastard like he said and he's like well a little of both and she's like well there you have it the entire world sure is invested in the integrity of Albany George's local used car salesman. This has been the news. Some couple without a car has been walking there since yesterday when they watched the evening. Honey turned the fuck around goddamn it.

We've bugged. We've missed out. All right. So everybody starts praying, right? So Alex Kendrick turns to his head to the sky. He says, God, Noah has shit to do. Let's wrap this up in eight to 10. Can we? If you don't mind? Yeah. he starts praying and his wife is like, it's because you didn't shave your stupid goatee. So, yeah, so everybody prays for him. And then just as the reporter ladies getting back into her car, the old racist stereotype lady from a few scenes ago shows up to set her straight.

She explains that, yes, he to all of the bunch of people, but then he went and paid them back off. Haven't you even been watching the last few scenes? Excuse me, Ms. Mayor. I was watching the news as I do all the time. And I noticed that you were in the middle of reporting something live. I instantly transported myself here using my fucking daredevil pat. What's that mutant call to fucking one who's played by Alan coming You know the one the poof I've bamped over here in a cloud of sulfur and I hear tell you Everyone who he gave money back and they live like all within one block of his And they all were watching the news

one block of his shoes. And they all were watching the news. Yes. They weren't at work. They were doing it. We're all watching the news. And instant willy were like, we have to get walk over, I think, to the car sales lot. Because naturally this would still be shooting. It's not as though like this was a canned segment that they brought, you know, like they

recorded in broadcast. No, we're all going over right away to set the news straight. Well, and so yeah, they'll explain that to her. And she's like, well, fucking, I guess we're just going to have to go live again in the middle of goddamn wheel of fortune. We got it. We got to fix this man with it. We've told literally dozens of people here in all of, George. I just want to watch this news day.

Hello and good evening. I'm Tom Stevenson, tragedy tonight as the Hartford Fireclaims and other 200 acres of wildland killing three people and injuring. Sorry Tom, I've got breaking news. It turns out that guy from that news story might not be honest and awesome. After all, back to you. Sorry. Who? You know, the news, the other news story about the honest car salesman that everyone watched. So I was just breaking in to tell you that might not have been true. Okay. Thank you, Jeff. As I was saying, killing three and injuring 12 authorities.

Sorry Tom, breaking back in again, breaking breaking news. The guy who told me the true guy was a liar is a liar and he actually gave the money back. Is this still about the car salesman? Yes, yes Tom, don't worry, he is still honest and he's having a baby. Damn, we really need some more news around here. Breaking in dumb. I just farted. Okay. It had to be like that, though, right?

Like you would imagine that they came in later and said, uh, just just, uh, the 11 o'clock news. We just wanted to update you. Um, the used car light is closed now we just wanted to update you. Um, the use car light is closed now. They don't say open this late at night. Anyway, back to you for tacos. Yeah. And I love to like when they did this whole montage was they all the whole family like prayed to make this happen. Kind of thing, you know, but they all got in their weird doggy style, take it in the butt from God position.

Yeah, all through it back for God. The whole family, I guess God is an ass man, plain and simple. Cause the whole family is like, all right, we know we have to do. Yep. So yes, so the news lady gets back on the news and she's like, turns out, there's another side to the other side of this story of our used car salesman protagonist that the fat guy from earlier is a lie and mother fucking fuck fuck him. Back to you, Dave.

But a bunch of the viewers are like, can I get the weather for tomorrow? It's actually tougher than that. The wife goes into labor so she's like, it turns out the news we news you earlier, is it news at all? And his wife's going into labor. Why the fuck would you tell us? But your viewers are like, this really doesn't affect you if you're not buying a user phone. Right now, what's the market on this? I should leave this city.

Are they going to put the game on or what? I'm going to throw really interrupt the Simpsons for this. All right. So yeah. So now he has a baby that he's not going to hate until she's eight years old, apparently. Her name is Faith. Oh, Alex Kendrick holding this baby is so because he has no idea how to hold a baby, right? He's obviously never interacted with his children at this age.

He met them on their 13th birthday, right? So he's just like, oh, baby, you're so tall. No, baby. All right. So we have to wrap this up somehow. So he hands the baby off to his wife and he's got to go be, he's got to go to his kids school for something. Yeah, dressed as a traffic cone, by the way. Yeah. And wouldn't you know what? He just happens upon his son doing a, my dad is my hero report. I know he finishes it. And I really wanted the teacher to be like, you were supposed to do a book report on

where the red fern grows. You get an effigate Todd. You get an effigate. I'm going to have to fail you. Yeah, you're going to be repeating the second grade until we get this right. So yeah, so yeah, so he shows up and he hears this kid talk about how his dad is super honest and he wants to be just like him when he grows up. And then it turns out that we find out that he's checked his son out of school just for the

fuck of it because he wants to ride around in the triumph, which you can't do after 3 p.m. I guess. Yeah. And he wants to, I think to see the baby, because if you know anything about having babies, Eli, the one thing you would want is another kid around to have a look at while you're dealing with a fucking newborn. Oh, yeah.

I was even my kid in school until like nine at night. Like I just, just stay, stay there. He sent it to Hogwarts. until like nine at night, like I just stay there. He sent it to Hogwarts. Yeah, we got a really overzealous extra in the teacher. And she's just like, she's just fucking coming up with it because she goes, okay, we'll go with Bobby over here and Tom over here.

And if time permits, we'll also end with Kate. And I love the idea that Kate also had a heartfelt thing about her dad that her dad was gonna overcome. But time wasn't, it was dad. It was dad. It was dad more time. And the dad just standing out there like, oh, oh, I gave up my drinking for nothing.

Yeah. Click pow. So yeah, so they get into the triumph because apparently they did have permission to put one 19th of a mile on it And they get everything they can out of that. They're a fucking hell of cop. They're shut. It's just crazy Now I should point out this car is a goddamn death trap, right? That's what you can see the actors realize. Oh right old cars sucked

It's terrifying. It's this tiny little ass car that's made a paper mishay. There are no seat belts in it You're practically falling out of it just because it's so fucking small Yeah, then I don't even think there are doors. No, not really. Yeah, not like that functionally I mean there may have been something that opened and closed But yeah, they're basically sitting on top of this tiny little fucking car. Don't get me wrong, it's fucking awesome. I would love to own that car, but there's no way I'd put a goddamn seven year old in it. Yeah, and a bunch of bolts are just coming out the back way. Yeah.

Talking old, what's his name? Didn't tighten the bolt. Oh, I didn't tighten the tighten the old ones. He listened. All right, so now, and's it the movie and so the moral of this story is to just. Not worry about your bills and trust God to take care of it, right? That was. Yep, just throw it back for God and he'll make your used car business a success.

Yeah, he'll come do like an audit of your business. I don't. Yeah. He'll come do like an audit of your business. I don't. Yeah. Apparently. All right. Well, Tom is I say this a lot because it's true. I can't thank you enough for watching this piece of shit. If you don't mind, can you remind our audience that one more time where they would have to go? They wouldn't hear more from you. Hey, listen to opening arguments. Listen to series inquiries only. Floss, verse and space and comedy shoe shine on my podcast. Yeah. It's a dark time and you know, opening arguments is a dark show, but it's also equipping everybody to deal with, uh, with the facts on the ground.

So go check it out. Yep. And I'm glad to see that I left out the obligatory. Always forget one of your shows when I have you on thing when I introduce you. Easy to do. So, all right. So and also, by the way, check the show notes. Of course, we'll have all of those shows linked on the show notes.

And while that's going to do it for our review of Flywheel, that's not going to do it for the show notes. Of course, we'll have all those shows linked on the show notes and well, that's going to do it for our review of Flywheel. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to entice you with promises. We may or may not deliver on giving Eli's recent history. Eli, tell us what's on deck at least for now. Okay. Now we're going to do the Omega Code 2.

I'm sorry. Winning Win. For real. So it comes out and then yeah, that's a birthday Omega Code 2. You know way you could have seen that birthday come and it was a surprise. All right. So with that, we look forward to we're going to bring episode 263 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Thomas Smith for hanging out with us today.

I'm for watching the movie and recording the episode with us for nothing, but the reward of listening to me recite the outro again, which he loves. And perhaps even a huge of thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to get out yourself and bring the ranks, you can make a pre episode donation at patreon.com.s. That's got awful. And thereby, order an early access to an anniversary version of every episode. You can also help a ton by linking a five-star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our

sibling shows, the skating ideas, the citation, the D&D minus and the Skeptocrat, available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email gotoffandbubesitgmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law, offices of B. Andrew Torres, Tim Robbins and Takes Care of our social media. Our theme is written and performed by Ryan Slotting and people with traps on Mars, all over the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heath and right Neely, LIBOS, Nikon Mnolus, promise to work harder and on the track next week until then.

We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Every single star of this movie about how you should be more ethical and business is now a Trump supporter. Statistically speaking, at least one of the extras in this movie died of COVID-19. The Kendrick Brothers owe me a check for about $11.2 million more than they should have made all the movies. Hit me up Kendrick brothers. Hit me up Oh, I want to thank you for that Thomas by the the because mine was gonna be depressing until you pointed out they were all Trump supporters It's absolutely true. No, you're right. It's all over me. I'm out of all of y'all the Lord God

She's got to be ethical in your bit. I guarantee you they're fucking Trump's Yeah, of course they are absolutely. I'm so fucking Except the token black guy. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020. All rights reserved.