God Awful Movies - 264: Megiddo: Omega Code 2

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of "Megiddo: Omega Code 2", the story of a bunch of writers trying to figure out where the colon goes in a sequel title and giving up before they reso...lved it. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And when when guy gets done with his little temper tantrum the fucking antichrist looks to the sky and says and I quote Bring it on Because that's as good as these writers can do this set up the possibility that this movie was gonna end with a cheer-off and I was possibility that this movie was gonna end with a cheer-off and I was turning in, yes. Yeah, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did, did it, did, did, did it, did it, did it, did, did, did it, did, did, did it, did it, did, did, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did, did, did Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema,
Starting point is 00:00:54 because you're already used to this intro, and it would be weird if I changed it now. I'm your host, Noah Lucien, who's sitting 700 miles to my immediate leftism, my good friend Heath and right, Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah.. So you know who would make an amazing femme fatale super spy? I have no idea. Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Okay. All right, I can see it. She would crush it. Oh, the money is to be a trilogy. Honey, honey dumpster, if you will. Answering 900 miles away northeast, that was my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. I saw I got to watch the, oh, what was that word I was looking for of movies. All right, so tell us, Heath, what we be breaking down today? Okay, well, that word they were looking for was prequel sequel.
Starting point is 00:01:47 We watched Magito, the Omega Code 2. It's both the prequel and the sequel to the Omega Code that forgot what happened in part one. Yep, sure did. And to be fair, so did I. But anyway, it's part zero and part two of like a, like an empty sandwich trilogy, but just two movies to make three.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Which I'm pretty sure is a cinematic technique. They invented by accident just for this. So that's cool. I think so. Yeah, it's the backstory of the anti-Christ. And then they catch up with their first movie and then they go past it without acknowledging the original plot and they're just like fuck We wrote over the other one. We're damn we're gonna get in trouble
Starting point is 00:02:38 And it just ends out of fucking nowhere. It's the only movie. I've ever seen that lacks object permanence as a movie. Yeah, no impressive stuff. The fucking finale of this movie has like, squal marks and shit leading up to it. Yeah. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you watch the Omega code, you wasted your fucking time. This is a vanity documentary about the Annie Christ, which gets interrupted by a nine year old playing GI Joe's 33 seconds before the end. Yeah, like correct me if I'm wrong,
Starting point is 00:03:15 but did this movie go past the first one? Did they end in the same spot or? I didn't, God reached out at the end of both of them. So did he do it twice and they just missed it in this first? I don't, God's just like, come on, nobody saw that. All right, what are you talking about? I saved the world, assholes. Maybe it's not Omega Code 2 in terms of a sequel. Maybe it's Omega Code Take 2. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:03:44 They try in the whole movie. Oh, right. So it's Omega code take two. Oh, okay. They try in the whole movie. Oh, right. So it's like a Christian thing. It's like where God creates humanity twice at the beginning of the Bible. Yeah, right. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:53 A lot of arguments about canon is a reboot. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst evil commando uniform. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're fucking absurd.
Starting point is 00:04:07 The anti-Christ. It's the anti-Christ. He has a giant army of like, you know, evil socialist commandos from the EU. And they're all wearing the best uniform. It's like, it's like a jaunty green blazer and the question boots and bright red pleated docker. It's crazy. They look like jockeys in a musical. It's so good. Like anti-Christ superstar and the whole cast is elves from Santa's workshop.
Starting point is 00:04:38 The visual is amazing. Looking at the costume, you can see it forming in a picket's mind. They were like, let's just put them in red and red. And then they were like, okay, well, now they just are wearing red jumpsuits. Okay. Fair, fair. Green. Let's put a green jacket on there.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Still silly. Okay. Nehy boots. Got it. Can we make the jacket a little more like the masters, like the golfers way? Yeah, right. Yeah. And let's give everyone a beret.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Good. Yeah. Yeah, they look like a military and she's a country club. Yeah. It's unrelated. All right. So I was going to go with best worst marriage proposal. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Right. Like Stone Alexander might as well walk over and lick this woman while she's born with his brother. So gets that on when he starts being in a circle. Oh, so good. And see, we've hinted at this already, but I was definitely going to go with best, worst ending. The only explanation for the ending of this movie is that someone had to finish it before their mom came home.
Starting point is 00:05:45 That's how it's moving and abruptly and strangely crazy this movie ends. I have pulled up my shorts more slowly when caught masturbating than this movie ends. Mom, end of movie. Yep. Yeah. All right, well, tell you what, there's no need to rev your tires if you're just going to spin your wheels. So we're going to take a break and just take a fucking break. But we'll back in a minute with all the, we don't know where the colon goes in a sequel action of Magito omega code two. Hi, I'm no illusions. And I'm Heathenwright. And I'm Eli Bosnick. And today we've got a special message for our listeners in the UK Australia and Canada. As our US listeners already know, man's skate design a mission to change the grooming game with their below the waste grooming
Starting point is 00:06:38 and hygiene products. But today we're pleased to announce they just released their products in the UK, Canada, and Australia. And boy, do you guys need them. Look, there's not much we Americans can lecture those countries about, but ball maintenance is definitely one of them, especially you, Australia. We're looking at you. Exactly. So if the shrubbery around your big Ben is in need of a trim, the lawn mower 3.0 trimmer
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Starting point is 00:07:28 and free shipping with the code awful at manskate.com. Upgrade that dog salon with the luxury products of manskate. Especially you Australia. Especially you Australia exactly. Don't look away. Come on. All't look away. All right, everybody. Welcome to the first ever writers room meeting for the Omega code to McGito, however the hell that's pronounced.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Isn't McGito? I thought it was a mandingo. No, no, it's McGito or something like that. Oh, fuck. A lot of my ideas are not gonna work then. Right. Right, so as you know, we don't have the entire cast back
Starting point is 00:08:10 for this one, they have other projects. Okay, okay, do we have cast pervandian? No, no, he's making shark attack. Sure, yeah, okay, can't say no to that. What about Michael Ironside? He died in the last movie. Right. So right, he did.
Starting point is 00:08:29 He did. Okay, what about the fire breathing juice? Another TV movie and an episode of Jag. Rough, okay. Okay, Michael York. We owe you. Absolutely. We can't help, but have him actually.
Starting point is 00:08:45 He's sort of just been hanging out. Okay, since the great. So we're just gonna make the whole sequel to our first movie just about Michael York. It would appear so, yes. Did someone call for me? Are we ready to make some cinema magic? Mm hmm.
Starting point is 00:09:03 No, not yet, Michael, I willI will call you though when we-when we need you, by name. Oh. Okay. We are out of peanut butter. Oh, well, cool. Then put it on the list. The one on the fridge? Yes, the one on the fridge. I like chunky.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Then put chunky peanut butter on the list. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown and we open a course on a bible quote, Revelation 17, eight to be exact, which is about the beast of the apocalypse. So basically the fucking movie opens on a sandwich board that says the end is nigh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:39 Based on a true story, eventually called the book of Revelation. So this quote is all about the beast rising from the bottomless pit. And I love the idea that the only reason this hasn't happened yet is because God didn't think this through and realize that like ascending out of a bottomless pit would take infinite amounts of time, right? Oh, damn it. He's just been climbing this all fucking time.
Starting point is 00:10:05 You can start in the middle. Better go, go meet him halfway. Go ahead and halfway. The middle of infinity is still, okay. That's still pretty far. Sarah, I need you to take one 15. Get down there, big girl. All right.
Starting point is 00:10:19 So yeah, they throw up this quote. It's this fun little game that Christians play with the Bible, where it's like, is this senseless bullshit or profound? Right? Because it ends with like the beast that was and is not yet is. And I'm like, no, it's, it would be one of the, that's just dumb. That's dumb.
Starting point is 00:10:35 That's how that game always ends with the Bible. It ended up. Yeah. And the antichrist is like giving a little talk here. Yeah, Satan is doing a little monologue. A walk-in-talk monologue, but then it kind of zooms out and we see his Satan's little helper guy, his number two. And he's just like, hey, are you listening to my speech?
Starting point is 00:10:56 And he's like, oh, what you're doing to Vio? Okay, sorry, sorry. Yeah. I didn't realize that was a digetic. Yeah, just quick thing boss. I'm not sure your whole plan is gonna work. You should really read ahead. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:11:11 All right, so but instead of ahead, we're gonna go back for a long fucking time. We're gonna go back into the Antichrist childhood. So we cut to the Alexander residence in 1960, which is a big party full of important people, I guess, that we're out. Okay. The first shot we get of this is the mom's portrait with the little black sash on it.
Starting point is 00:11:34 So I just wrote my note, what an incredibly inappropriate set of music for a funeral. It's like, big bad jazz. Yeah, God was this supposed to be a funeral? I mentioned that. I know it's a Labor Day party. Okay, all right. He does. I want Benny Goodman at my funeral.
Starting point is 00:11:49 That's the right. Oh, damn, but damn, but damn, but damn, but damn. Blah, blah. Yeah, so we cut to this kid and we see that his dad's a media mogul and then we, he goes to like his little brother's room to miss his dad, mom, right? Yeah. And, and roast the baby. like his little brother's room to miss his dad mom, right? And roast the baby.
Starting point is 00:12:07 He's like, hey, hey baby. Psst, psst, fuck your face. Psst, psst, fuck your face. Psst, psst, fuck your face. Yes, he does not like his little brother. And his dad, by the way, does not like this all, all this grieving for mom bullshit that he's been doing, he.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah, dad's like, all right, man, it mom bullshit that he's been doing. He. Yeah, dad's like, all right, man, it's been fucking 90 days since your mom died, stop grieving like a baby. Right. We're Protestants. Yeah, so he's ordered to stop missing his mom by tomorrow or he's grounded.
Starting point is 00:12:38 And then everybody leaves, he's left with the baby and he goes and he gets this match and he's like, I hate you baby, you killed my mom. And I'm writing in my nose, I'm like, is he just at the baby up? This movie doesn't have the guts to set a baby on fire, does it? In your face Noah, yes it does. Well, not really.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Like, yeah, right. He likes the match and throws it in the crib, but then the nurse lady walks in and grabs the baby. And she's like, hey, man, what did we say about lighting your baby brother out? Stone, are you a fire demon? Answer in words. So then Stone's dad sends him to like, you know, hard ass military school to straighten out as baby burning ways, I guess. We see him with the fucking most interesting dosakis guy, basically the dad's going like,
Starting point is 00:13:30 hey, make sure you whip my kids ass a little more than average ass whipping. It's just because he's a baby burner. So how shy would you say you are about torture? Because, stone needs some structure. Exactly, Yes. He also might be a fire. What?
Starting point is 00:13:49 I said, I don't know the things that I'm legally required to tell you about it. Bye. Okay. Just don't have so many fireplaces. I just don't read it. Maybe he inhaled one at our house and he's fired even now. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:05 And then we see him saying goodbye to the sun. He's like, all right, son, I know I told him to hit you extra, but make lots of friends, okay? You're just going to stand there staring at dad. Okay, let's go. Let's go. I'm just going to leave him. And then for some reason, they felt like they needed to introduce the love interest
Starting point is 00:14:23 now when he's like 11. So he looks over and he sees this like nine year old girl and he's like, yeah, I'd hit that. He gets real excited. He's like, does that little girl own a fucking pony? Right. Yeah. It's happening here. Are we leaning in? Oh, no. Sorry. Okay. Well, the best part, though, is the little girl because she's a child just stands there, but they do a slow motion shot and the pony accidentally does a hair toss. Yeah. But they kept the shot. So it's one would argue the mise en scene is that he wants to put the pony. One would argue corrected. So yeah. So that was a meet cute between eight-year-olds. We just saw.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Exactly. They'll end up married before it's over. So yeah, and then we have that weird scene where he goes to class and all the kids are making fun of him for being a baby immolator. Okay. Okay. So yeah, they put like a burned baby doll on his bed. It is dorm as part of this.
Starting point is 00:15:26 So are we to believe that this is like the first day of school. So his dad showed up, got the headmaster to definitely torture him to get structure and also spread the rumor about him trying to hurt him. Right, his baby brother to death in the crib. It was him or the nurse. Those are the only other people that knew about it maybe his dad put that down there right yeah
Starting point is 00:15:52 So okay, so he mobs off into creepy church right this is such a weird scene because he he walks into this creepy-ass church And you know a bunch of Christians kind of admit and how creepy their shit is but there's always weird weird evil noises. The kid reacts to them, but then he keeps going into the creepy church. He does. He's like, oh, weird, was that like a bat? Gasm of some sort, okay. Oh, no, it's non-diadgetics. He is, but.
Starting point is 00:16:17 He is. Yeah. And then he goes into the creepy church and Emperor Palpatine shows up in the mirror, which was interesting. And he's just like, oh, hey, am I a Sith? What's happening right now? I got you this antichrist knife. No big deal.
Starting point is 00:16:36 Did you get me anything? No. I did get you something. Yep. It's a part. You have to order it. Bad sperm. Ordered.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Orgasm. Yeah, so the evil monk apparition guy is like, oh, you are the antichrist. I know when I see him, bless me. Oh, master. And I'll like do this evil bloody inverted cross-drypy thing for you. Can I be your like assistant to the regional antidepressant? Yes. Okay, you're dripping some blood there.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Yeah, all right. Okay, it's in my eye. It's in my eye now. For you known for forehead, from the knife, is that a written eye? Just maybe practice a little, it's right in my eye. But to be fair, that is the best case scenario for a little boy going alone to a church at night. That could've done way worse. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Indeed, indeed, the ceremonial wine. Of course. The red cushions.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Oh, the whips and chains. Yes. And the black dildo. Sorry, what? The big black dildo. I'm the antichrist. I was looking for father Amici, so I can ascend to my power with the... Oh, oh, Father Amici.
Starting point is 00:18:11 He's churches is actually across the square. Oh, across the square. Oh, my bad, sorry. No problem. Okay, then whoo, what is it? No reason. Okay. Okay, then whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo,, at first everyone used to stand in lines and just, you know, run at each other. Not a great strategy turns out. So, okay,
Starting point is 00:18:53 that works right now. From my notes, not this. Okay. I'm going to be a great general 500 years ago. I can't wait to graduate. And of course, during this monologue, we cut to like 10 years later and now stones all grown up and he's the one telling all the other kids about how to do military tactics. He's the one giving this introductory speech to the new cadets, right? Yeah. That's a dark speech. It was a little too real. He was just like, okay, everybody, you're all going to tell poor people to kill even
Starting point is 00:19:23 poor people with guns and that's great for you. So that's how war works. And also we see that he can kick some ass with some karate. This will never matter. Right. Right. Like, oh, sorry, one last thing for failings. 101. There might be a timeout on the gun fights in wars, you might have to settle it with career. I never know. You're going to be attacked by ninjas. A lot of people call timeouts like that. And we have to reintroduce the girl with the pony from before.
Starting point is 00:19:54 And we know it's the same girl because we introduced her on a horse. So I wrote in my notes, hey, she might have grown up, but that pony grew into a fucking horse. So we get this scene where we we reestablished that he has the hots for her. And he's so he's playing violin at some concert or whatever. And he is I fucking her so noticeably that both her dad and her boyfriend catch it, right? Oh, he's staring at her like he's trying to see a magic eye. It's over the top.
Starting point is 00:20:31 They zoom in on him doing the violin fingerings. There's like a little clip on the blue there. Yeah, so then there's this, okay. So after that, there's this amazing moment where they have him like show up at this diner to invite her to go have a fling But the writers of this movie don't know how any of that would work So he just pulls up at this diner and she's at this table and they keep staring at each other like each of them thinks the other one has the first line
Starting point is 00:20:56 And then she just gets on his moep out and they fuck off Yep, well, yeah because he literally Well, yeah, because he literally drove his scooter into the diner. Like, on the, yeah, the sales floor. Hello, just drove my Vespa here. I'm the Antichrist. And then I love you. Yeah. We also see the boyfriend chasing her as she rides away.
Starting point is 00:21:19 He goes, Gabriella, you forgot your cappuccino, right? Which is just a piece and carrots, piece andots thing, but they kept the audio in. So I just wrote my notes, the Eli Bosnitz, right? Just the boyfriend's sadly standing there. Oh, okay, I've already taken this home, paid for this. You want one soy one regular? Okay, you should drink this before four or your tummy will hurt. Okay, it's a half calf.
Starting point is 00:21:45 It's, and okay, and then we get this little montage of like, clearly like just two characters falling in love, but it's the anti-crash, right? So there's ominous music playing over it. I wanted them to do like, usual love music, but just in a minor key, right? I think I'll go for a walk. Oh,
Starting point is 00:22:02 I mean, you're gonna be like, I'm like, and then so we we get we cut to this like the the big graduation from military academy which is of course a paintball gun game right. They're going to play paintball. Hello everybody. Uh we're going to learn to kill by playing paintball. Capture the flag you know but, but yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, and I love the like headmaster speech here,
Starting point is 00:22:28 he's like, there are two types of soldiers, alive ones at the end of the war, and then the dead ones that didn't live through the war. I'm like, well, okay, yes. That's not really useful. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. There's unborn soldiers too, if you want to be a. It's a weird distinction
Starting point is 00:22:47 you made. Also are the teams everyone versus Alexander? Because that's what it appears. Well, they have two teams, but apparently, yeah, his thing was just to go and take on the other team single handedly. That was his plan. Also, I want to point out that this movie started in 1960. We cut the 10 years later for this. The first game of paintball was played in 1981. Come on guys, at least try way ahead of their time. Everybody's just got like an old time. He palette. Yeah. So yeah, so he paint most like a motherfucker and then also occasionally just punches other people because I wanted the because there's like a motherfucker and then also occasionally just punches other people because I wanted the because there's like a music montage. Well, this is happening. The like ominous
Starting point is 00:23:31 st. I wanted everything to come to a hot work. I was like, oh, Alex, you fucking take me. Why would you think punching is okay? I want I wanted Alex to get hurt because they're all wearing helmets with full face shields So he punches the guy and I was like, okay now it stops and you're like, howie howie how Oh, I just I should just show you with the paintball gun. This is stupid Now it's the hockey locker room. We work keep the gloves on for helmet fights stupid Yeah, so but he wins the game single-handedly against, by the way, Gabriella's boyfriend guy, right? Who then makes fun of him so he inflicts him with magical
Starting point is 00:24:14 satanic paint vomiting. You guys tell me is that sentence correct? Did I just try what happens? Correct. The boyfriend guy is like, I have sex with pony girl. You have a crush on since your eight and wanted to fuck, mostly the pony, but also her. And he's like, oh yeah, well, your blood is painting. And you're while putting it up. I'm a demon. What?
Starting point is 00:24:40 So now we cut to him and Gabriela out on a date, torn the Coliseum. There's this great moment where she's like, yes, this is the Coliseum where they used to kill all the Christians with lions. He's like, yep. I remember that. Oh, I used to get off one.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I used to watch movies where they talked about that. Probably people would get off on that. Not saved it. Reincarnation of Satan. Oh, you're right. I'm the end of the crisis. I'm a Satan. I'm more like, we also have this amazing moment where Satan wants to know if she likes him
Starting point is 00:25:09 like him, he's like, I'll be just a fuck. Or, you know, what's going on? And she's like, well, you know, I'm Italian. I'm like labels. All right. So now the military Academy leader guy, the dosakis guy, is getting on to Stone Alexander for magically inflicting Gabriela's boyfriend with satanic paint vomit, right? Yeah, that'll lose you some points from Gryffindor.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Sure. Yeah. That guy's name is Fausto, by the way. Yes. Yes, Gabriela's boyfriend. Super subtle. Fausto. Can't wait to meet Jeffaoffer in the next one.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And yeah, it's still standing there going like, I don't know, you could have been anybody that inflicted that dude with satanic paint vomit. I just, I don't know why you would immediately look to the white guy. I don't get it. Feels like you were involved. You do weird evil magic. You've been here for like 10 years. You do it all the time. And now he's going to threaten the guy except because of where it goes in the conversation. It feels like he's like, um, Shadow Dog, do you mind joining us for this meeting?
Starting point is 00:26:18 I just feel a lot safer. If Shadow Dog was here as an impartial third party. Yeah. Right. This is where whereial third party. Yeah, right. This is where where stone is like, yeah, I'm trying to fuck your daughter also by the way. Yeah. And the guy's like, I don't know, because like I just said before, you do weird evil magic all the time.
Starting point is 00:26:36 I don't know if you're the best for my daughter. And stone's like, okay, well, if you let me fuck your daughter, I will not turn your blood to paint. I. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. You say stuff like that all the time. That's not good. I'm blood to paint. And no. And stone's like, oh, really?
Starting point is 00:26:54 Smoke horse. Yes, devil muppet. Yeah, this thing looks so goddamn. Okay, so we've seen these a couple of times, like lurking in the shadows, right? These evil dark things that follow Stone Alexander around, which I have been calling devil muppets up to that point. This is the first time we get a clear view of them and they look like something that Spyro the dragon would kill.
Starting point is 00:27:14 It's supposed to be creepy, but it just looks so silly. I really wanted this scene to just go like four minutes longer because he's like, do we have an agreement cut, but I just wanted the guy to be like, yes. What the fuck is that? It's a shadow. You know what's that? Shadow, duh.
Starting point is 00:27:33 Call it a double muppin' I never really thought about. What? It's the spirit of sadness, I guess. Do you mind if I take him for a quick walk so he can make his pull through? So Steve, be coming in time, smoke horse, the things just tracking us from trying to fuck this guy's daughter and not turn him to paint or maybe
Starting point is 00:27:48 turn him to paint. I don't know. All right. So now it's it's graduation time. So he's graduating is little brothers there, the one that he tried to burn to death. And we learned that Stone Alexander is going to go to work for the European Union, which does it.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Nope. Yeah, right. Well, that's the thing. It was, look, I was old enough to buy cigarettes when the name was changed to the fucking European Union. The people who wrote this movie were around then. I remember it. Jesus fucking, anyway, yeah. So it was the European community at that time.
Starting point is 00:28:21 It was the name for the fucking thing. But anyway, yeah, he's going to work for the European. Did they not get the rights to that? So, yeah, so we beat the dad and the little brother and we have to kind of explain away the fact that later on all of these actors will have different accents, right? It's insane. Yeah. Okay, where are they from? They're, they're, it's an American family, right? We're on, we're, we see him on Labor Day in 1960 being all American with American military people, but dad has like a moving accent around the European community. Yes. And, but the sun has a British accent and, and later on Italian one. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Who the fuck even knows, but yeah, they try to explain that. Capitalist actually. Yeah. They try to explain that a little bit at this point by him going literally, this is the line. Stone Alexander goes, but father, I was raised here in Europe. Europe is my home. The country of Europe, you see. You know, just generally around.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Yeah. And also, so this is where a little brother meets Gabriela, right? His little brother David meets with Gabriela and he's like, oh, I smell love triangle. He walks up to, he's like, oh, I smell love triangle. Yeah. He walks up to, he's like, hi, I'm David. You know, my brother, by chance, he's the antichrist. No, probably go. Probably recognize him. I'm really, yes. And at this point, I'm like, okay,
Starting point is 00:29:57 if this turns into the backstory of the antichrists, little brother, I'm on board. That's awesome. Well, guess what he, you are fucking on board. Yeah, I guess I turn board here. That's awesome. Well, guess what he. Yeah. You are fucking on. You lucky. Yeah. I guess I'm on board here. Be careful what you wish were. So yes, a little brother and horsegirl are all falling in love. They're just flirting away. And just then stone shows up and gives me my best worst. The, you know, where he pisses on her leg and says, mine, mine. He literally is like, oh, I see you've met my brother.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Hey, why don't we get married, huh? Huh? To which she responds, I gotta go. And he's like, cool, cool. She loves it, right? Lots of people who want to marry you say, not yes, right? They say something other than yes.
Starting point is 00:30:42 When they want to marry you. I'm a real. I'm a real. I'm a real. I'm a real. I feel like she's going to come back after that and tell me yes, right? They say something other than yes. When they want to be a new soup was getting cold. I feel like she's going to come back after that and tell me yes, right? Yeah, but she was not hot soup. It's a hot soup. You don't want that. It's a bisque. She doesn't seem super cool about the attempted betrothal. But, hey, you know what? It ends up working out because then we cut to 25 years later where he's given a speech in his old military academy apparently picking up on a 25 year old conversation
Starting point is 00:31:10 Speaking of luck 25 years ago You guys there no none of you. Oh you were alive. Oh wow, okay weird All right, this is like an Eli call back then Wow. Okay. Weird. All right. This is like an Eli call back then. So.
Starting point is 00:31:26 And oh, and this is where we learned that Michael Bayn is in this movie. The guy who killed the goddamn terminator. Well, the Seraconic killed the terminator, but you know, you know, he was Hicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Terminator alien, Omega code two. Yeah. All the greats. Yeah. So, uh, Stone is giving us a little speech. Terminator alien Omega code two.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Yeah, so Stone is giving us a little speech. He's like, I'd like to point out that my father is here. I haven't killed him yet. I killed him later. It says so in the first movie. Haven't done that yet. It's been 25 years since we last saw each other. But my dad is the same age forever. Yes. Yes. And then, yeah, so they all like step, stand around and say, We last saw each other, but my dad is the same age forever. So that's cool.
Starting point is 00:32:05 Yes. Yes. And then, yes, so they all like step, stand around and say, well, we're that we would all have different accents. If we were related in the same clothes from 25 years ago, he has that's so weird. And then dad's like, son, we've joined me in the corner for a whisper fight. It's about whether or not you're Satan. Yeah, right. Yes. Yeah, Dad was to walk off a chat with him in the ninja battle room of the mansion. And he's like, son, I'm very sorry for raising you to be the anti-Christ. Sure did fuck that up.
Starting point is 00:32:42 I'm surprised. Sure did fuck that up. And this is where they have the gladiator, like you will not be the emperor moment. Oh, it's amazing. He's going to, this is the exact quote, he's gonna donate his television empire, including all the satellites to the people. What? No.
Starting point is 00:33:04 You're giving away the media to the people. What? No. You're giving away the media to the people of the world. The fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it seems like a weird gift and would be oddly received. Yeah. And that's why I, Richemond Von, changed my mind. I'm giving all my TV companies and satellites to you. The people. Uh, how? What? Uh, I'm going to give, like, they will be yours.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Like, you're gonna give television to all of us? Yes, yes, exactly. Okay, I mean, that's a nice gesture. But like, how are we gonna run it? Who's, who's in charge? The people will be in charge. Right, right. Yes, the people.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Okay, you got that. All right. Well, you're welcome. You want to use the satellite to try to see some boobs? Fuck yeah, I want to use the satellite to try to see boobs. Nice. Socialist. I mean fair, that's what you would.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I mean, that's what you would look for boobs. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, but Stone is like, no, no, you can't give away my inheritance. I I'm gonna need that shit Yes, this fucking insane moment where he's like I require much more comforts Then you can imagine Pa I'm talking two pillows two and not those fliat motherfuckers. He did
Starting point is 00:34:45 it. I said once you get on Amazon that you think won't make a difference, but really do. Talk like a European walk in. Weird. It's off putting me to my comforts father. my comforts father. There's also one other crazy little moment. They cut away from this part and we see little brother who almost got murdered in the crib and he's dancing with Gabriella, Stone's wife now. Yeah. And he's like, oh, so should be dance now. And she, the actress is like, I guess, but maybe we wait for the music to come on. Nope, no, right now. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:31 All right. And we watched them dance for a minute with no music in the entire world. It was insane. What did they do? Well, it's so, because they're, they're flashing back and forth. Somehow, little brother and wife are still expositing despite the 24 minutes of flashback because they yeah, they're flashing back and forth. Somehow little brother and wife are still exposing
Starting point is 00:35:45 despite the 24 minutes of flashback that led up to this and the fact that this is a sequel. You know, she's like, you sure are a congressman with a big like a upward trajectory in your future. And then so yeah, and then we cut back to stone and his dad going like, uh, yeah, you know, this is, this is not going to work for me. I'm going to have to do something about it. And there's like this very long moment where dad keeps not realizing that he
Starting point is 00:36:15 means murder him. I know, I know, but if you want to go to court, I just want you to know that there is a very strict mediation clause. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to murder you. Oh, you think you'll murder me in a mediation? I'll have you know, I've been through several mediation. It's done. I think I'll come across just fine.
Starting point is 00:36:35 He's literally tossing them off the balcony, like going, no, do you see what I mean? I'm tossing you off the God damn it, daddy. Anyway, I'm going to toss you off the balcony. So, yeah, so he throws his dad off the balcony and then he runs out and he's like someone threw my dad off the balcony quick. Come everybody runs out and dad dies. Right, but for a second, maybe he's gonna talk. So he's got to be like, don't try to speak, father.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Please. Evil plan. If you say, even if you point at starts talking, he runs the hand over the face with the she's. Don't speak. You jumped off the balcony. I said, balcony guys. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:21 Well, now that we know that they did actually remember that they mentioned that he killed his dad in the first movie I have to cross out some jokes from later. So we're gonna think we can come back. There'll be even more Maggito omega code Lulu just brushing my teeth brush my teeth is my favorite, Lulu. Hey, heath, hey, Noah. What are you doing here? I'm here to reward you for brushing your teeth. Oh, Y'all. I sure am.
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Starting point is 00:38:09 Yep. Equip smart brush for adults and kids. Connects to the Quip app with Bluetooth. You can track when and how well you brush, get tips and coaching to improve your habits, earn points for daily brushing, and bonus points for completing challenges, like streaks. You can even redeem points for completing challenges like streaks.
Starting point is 00:38:25 You can even redeem points for rewards like reprodux gift cards and discounts from Quip and their partners. That's legitimately awesome. It sure is. Plus, you can get brush heads, toothpaste and floss refills delivered from $5 and shipping is free. How smart is that? Start getting rewards for brushing your teeth today. Just go to getquip.com slash awful right now to get your first is free. How smart is that? Start getting rewards for brushing your teeth today.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Just go to getquip.com slash awful right now to get your first refill free. That's your first refill free at getquip.com slash awful. Spell GETQIP.com slash AWFUL. Quip. Better oral health, made simple and rewarding. All right. Well, I'm off to reward Eli for wiping. Great. How's that going? Not great. Gross. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Yeah. I said great. It was weird that I said great. Minions come before me. Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord Satan. The time has come for me to ascend to earth and bring about the apocalypse. Praise me to the dark one.
Starting point is 00:39:28 Yes, prepare your armies for within 40 to 55 years. The time will come to rise and take what is ours from the kingdom. I'm sorry, Gilebe. Yep, no question. Yeah, is that you say 40 to 55 years? Yeah, yeah, probably, you know, 40 to 55 years, something like that. Oh, okay. Why the delay? Oh, I must enter my vessel, a child, who is poised to inherit great power. And then, you know, after I go to school and stuff, I would, sorry, you
Starting point is 00:40:07 say school and stuff. You know how to write. Yeah. But no, well, I got to go to school in a little boy's body. And then I got to get a job at the UN, work my way to the top. So that's going to take some time. And then then we then we can do the evil antichrist. Okay, all right. Well, I mean, you know, you're the boss here, but it seems like we're gonna we have a lot of downtime in there where you Satan, Prince of Darkness, King of Hell are just sort of hanging out. Hanging out. Yeah, just like doing math homework apparently and schmoozing. Yeah, there will be a lot of schmoozing in this plan. Yeah, maybe you could just inhabit I don't know like the current head of the UN. Oh, save yourself like
Starting point is 00:40:54 Oh, 40 or 50. I would be cool fools. The Antichrist must begin his reign from the very start now. I must leave you from the very start now. I must leave you. Hand me my copy of how to make friends and influence people. All right, here you go. Excellent. I will see you in 40 years. 40 or 50? Yes, 40 or 55.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Probably 55, the way you said it now. Sure. And we're back and we're going to rejoin the film 10 years after all the dad killing with Stone taking communion in a way that very much says the anti-Christ is a Catholic, not a Protestant, you know. Okay. Yeah, like literally doing the Eucharist thing, like almost exactly, like can you use the blood and body of Christ for being the
Starting point is 00:41:45 anti Christ? I feel like that was an oversight. And it's weird that like is isn't more creepy and Catholic mass, right? They just substitute it in a few words. Did they? Yeah, the audience is supposed to look at this scene and be like, wow, three, maybe four words in that prayer are different than the one we do. So yeah, real
Starting point is 00:42:05 weird. Yeah, I missed that entirely. I thought he was just taking communion. It was so not creepier than regular. I didn't notice that they had changed it at all. I thought that they were just saying like, Hey, look, he's he's Catholic. No, he says like this is my body tainted with sin. Oh, I'm saying you know what I say. Satanic. Oh, now it's scary. I see. Yeah. Oh, so Satan got transfigured somehow for this.
Starting point is 00:42:36 I guess he was just doing transubstantial. Doing opposite day regular mass. I see. You might as well just do regular mass and then be like, not at the end of the end. Also, just a general question. This started saying 10 years later, right? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:42:58 What year is it? Is it 2005 now? Yes. Yeah, that's how I have it. Okay. Because we started in 1960 We went to 70 and we cut 25 years ahead Right to 95 and now we're 10 years ahead of that
Starting point is 00:43:12 Okay, yeah, it's 2005 right and this movie I believe was released in 2003, right? So this is supposed to be like near future all right and in this universe apparently Lee Irmy was elected president. We have president steers and que And in this universe apparently, Lee Irmy was elected president. We have president, steers and queers in this universe. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he This was a sequel because it spent a third of its runtime on the Antichrist backstory. Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:48 This is SSN, which is not a great title for your new corporation. And the journalist on TV is like, so Stone Alexander ended world hunger entirely. But is he secretly evil? Right. Find out after the break. Yeah. Film in 11. What?
Starting point is 00:44:06 Yeah. So and then we learn that Lee Irmios, the president and Michael Bain is the vice president in this universe, right? Oh, it's so good. They're just, they're just doing what we did for the first movie. They're just standing there roasting literal clips from the first movie at this point. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:44:24 So, so we've caught back up with where like, now contiguous with the first movie, right? Because he's given his like, oops, I just admitted that I'm a living God, didn't I speech? Right. Except now it's intercut with shots of his younger brother being like, oh, classic older brother declaring himself the anti-Christ, am I right? Everyone's got that one family member. Dude, your brother's weird. You're the vice president, though. It should be fine.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Also, we learned that the world has been changed a little bit politically. No more countries. The world's divided up into 10 democratic zones. One of those 10 is Israel. Yeah. Yeah. The zones are divided by your grandfather's racism. They totally are. For the first time but not the last time. This is where we will learn that the Latins are all groups together. By which this movie means Mexico,
Starting point is 00:45:28 all of South America. Yes, all of Latin America is one zone because they're devised up by skin tone. Antichrist, Etae Dohmum, yeah, the Latins. So, and now the president's advisors are warning him that now that he's got most of the world on board, the Americans who have not yet bought into this whole one world government concept are going to be his first target because obviously they have the most freedom, right? They have this moment where they're like, oh, and according to this satellite data that
Starting point is 00:46:02 we just got Stone Alexander is trying to get nuclear weapons from Russia. And the army's like, wow, I bet that will come back up later in the movie, huh? There's no ring. No, it's calling right now about that. Yeah. Do we pick up? We hit ignore. I feel like you'll know from the number of rings.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Yeah, we got to wait. We got to wait for the full rings. So yeah, fucking stone calls the president on Skype and tells him he better meet him in Rome or else. I expect you to be at my party in room. Okay. Okay, you said that real weird. I am Michael York. I say everything weird.
Starting point is 00:46:43 Yes. All right, so we cut to a Air Force one I am Michael York. I say everything we are. All right, so we cut to Air Force one, which has apparently merged in with Air Force two, like Voltron style, because both the president and vice president are on this airplane together. Yeah. Fun fact, the this shot of Air Force one from the outside is taken from the movie Air Force. Yes. Yes. from the outside is taken from the movie Air Force. Yes, yes. I wanted them to just like pan over outside of Air Force one and then there's like Air Force
Starting point is 00:47:09 one from their own other movie flying next to them. Are we in the same time on? Oh shit. So yeah, and so the vice president though has looked over the fucking data and he's noticed that everybody who opposes the antichrist, his brother, dies of natural causes. But again, it's the president drill sergeant from full mental jacket. So he's like, yeah, I'm just thinking maybe we don't piss him off. I'm going to challenge him to a fight. And then the other guy in the plan is like,
Starting point is 00:47:43 actually, I think he might be right. Shut up, break, play gin. Gin. I win. Yeah. It was weird. They bet $25 on their game of gin apparently. Oh, weird. You wouldn't, you would make it a two bill situation. Yeah. So she can't at the end of their game of gin. Yes. Uh huh. Good, good, good, good, good, gin game. Yeah. Hold on. Can you break? Can you break a five? All right, so now we have the anti-crash addressing, you know, the people and showing off his sweet new evil army. Mm-hmm. And we we we start off on the stock crowd shot which we know is a stock crowd shot because it's like not set up. The way one would set up a crowd for a political rally. No, it is not very clearly a soccer match. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:28 And he said, I was thinking everybody's like, uh, no more countries, only one currency, only one language. For some fucking reason, we settled on English, which is weird, but I wrote in my notes, please be as Toronto, please be Esperanto. And then he's like, also, I'm the dictator of the world. But in a good way, that's like, don't be afraid though. No, I meant in a good, I'm like Caesar. And it's going to go great.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Yeah. So he's like, I'm not the devil incarnate. Everybody starts shedding not the devil incarnate. Not the devil incarnate. And then the 2020. So then the president shows up the chat with the antichrist, right? And he's like, look, I know a bunch of crappy, comi countries want to join your union, but you know, because they're shitty, but fuck you, right? Because that's how diplomacy works. Eddie, he hugs the little brother and I wrote
Starting point is 00:49:25 my notes. Ah always awkward when you have to hug the anti-Christ at the beginning of a political summit. Come here come here come here come here come here come let me rest there. All right that's join my evil European Union or aukele. Yeah right right he's like join the new world order. And the president's like, no, America, America freedom. And he's like, all right. Well, I guess I'll have nothing to do. But shake your hand and see you off here. Hey, have a magic handshake. I mean, handshake. You're putting out your hand in slow motion. What's happening now? Okay, it just feels like your hand's going to let him fire something as soon as I grab
Starting point is 00:50:10 it. No, all right. All right. We're doing a handshake. We're doing a handshake. Cool. Yeah. Merrick handshake.
Starting point is 00:50:18 Yeah, right. Right. And I'm dead. Yeah. Well, exactly. So like he goes to shake his hand and he's like, I'm pretty sure the devil magic's in the handshake, but what am I going to do? Right. So she's saying, it's sure enough, a minute, like 10 seconds later, he collapses from all the devil magic that was transferred in with the handshake.
Starting point is 00:50:33 The antichrist didn't even bother to put in a delay. It's kind of obvious to think. We'd have been great if the president just like fist bumped him and walked away. And then it got to do. It doesn't count. I don't know. Oh, hi, hi, hi count. I'm not shit. Oh, high five. High five.
Starting point is 00:50:46 High five. Let's play a game called hands. Tuck. Tuck. And wraps. And what would otherwise be a very serious scene when the president starts to have a heart attack? Everyone grabs one limb and they carry him like a fucking helping Hillary Clinton into an
Starting point is 00:51:03 SUV. All right. So yeah. So after the collapse, David, the vice president, Michael Bain, is meeting up with Gabriela, the wife. Now I guess of the anti-Christ. And she's like, how's the president? And he's like, not great, you know, demon heart attack.
Starting point is 00:51:19 Yeah. Yeah. Right. Did he shake hands with my husband by any cherry? I just the first house, the president is my question. Actually, how's that? Yeah, so they have this conversation where, David's like, you know, I'm secretly in love with you.
Starting point is 00:51:33 She's like, I know, is there any other exposition that you'd like to share? I'm just like, sure, does your husband kill everyone who opposes him with devil magic? Cause I'm about to oppose him. I just feel like it would be useful for me to know. Kill everyone? What are these words?
Starting point is 00:51:49 That's for a fun. That's it. I have a pony. I wanted to see like a super old pony and a jazz scooter come out here. That's it. No. Tosses its hair back and forth in front of Daniel.
Starting point is 00:52:03 That's it. Wrong brother, never mind. So. All right. So yeah. So he's like, watch out just in case your husband's the anti-cristened. She's like, yeah, we'll do. And then somebody comes to fetch him and he's like, yeah, it's time for us to move on to the next scene where you meet with your brother, right?
Starting point is 00:52:19 So he goes to meet with Stone Island Exander who all but spins around in a chair to face him, right? He's holding a teeny tiny. He's got the evil European tiny cup. Swishing it like brandy. Oh, that didn't work at all. It's hot and it's not a smister. Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:39 I tried to do a thing. So yeah, he's like, you know, say, really sorry, I had to fill your president fill with a homicidal devil magic, but just so you know, if you're not joining me, I'm gonna put out this doctorate video of you killing our dad. Okay. It's a pretty good deep fake. But before we talk about that,
Starting point is 00:53:02 what's happening with that jacket? It's really long. I mean, it's so long. It's so long. It's distracting. It's like, uh, it's clearly like an evil amount of length in this suit jacket. How do you get that? You don't like it?
Starting point is 00:53:14 It goes to my ankle. I got it at the tailor. Yes. So, oh, but just then just before he can explain the jacket, the guys come in to tell him that the president is dead. And they do it in the most awkward way. He goes, Mr. President, and then there's sort of like a knowing pause. And I want to give it away.
Starting point is 00:53:41 Sorry. The president said a slow roll. And didn't, I was like, I totally caught that up. Your brother's dead. And he's like, okay, well, that I will give you 24 hours to answer my question rather than kill you with my double magic right now, right? Yeah. And then he leaves. And there's this tiny moment that I just absolutely have to mention.
Starting point is 00:54:03 He's had this evil number two palpatine from the church saying earlier Yeah, and he like gets in right up close. Everyone's gone. It gets up right up close and he's like Yeah, yeah, what you want to kill him? Yeah, okay, we should kill him. They're all gone. I got it. Thank you noted that you could just talk normal. Oh, we should kill him got it. Thank you. No, did you could just talk normal. Oh, we should kill him. Oh, and then we get this brief moment of like the antichrist talking shit to Jesus. Right. There's all this thunder clapping and everything. He's looking at all these paintings of Jesus going, oh, stupid. When you got crucified, that was fucking dumb. You're still fucking dumb. Dad's dick. Tell your dad he's a dick.
Starting point is 00:54:47 Dick. Which means you're a dick, technically. Fucking dick. Oh, and then Palpatine comes in and he's like, hey, your brother's turned down your offer. And I only mentioned that one because it moves the plot forward, but also because there's just a little bit
Starting point is 00:55:02 too long a pause between your brother turned down your offer and The anti-Christ going back into his monologue, and I really thought he was gonna be like cool, so You heard the latest TikTok gossip Charlie's mom wouldn't let her dance to Wap What do you think about that? Yeah, you know what? I'm going to go challenge God to a media or fight. I'm just God. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Okay. Boss, you keep giving these speeches about that. Like you said, I can't see how I lose to you. You've got to read a head man. I'm important. I'm telling you, really? It's just right there, but you're just like how you how you lose.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Yeah. So Satan goes outside and he's like, ah God you're such a woes I bet you can't even knock down the Coliseum with a meteor Kenya. So God knocks down the Coliseum with a meteor Yeah, because God is easier to go than the kid in school who ate bugs God's just like angrily throwing his water bottle on the sideline That's just like angrily thrown his water bottle on the sideline Right so it went when guy gets done with his little temper tantrum the fucking antichrist looks to the sky and says and I quote Bring it on Oh
Starting point is 00:56:17 Because that's as good as these writers can do this set up the possibility that this movie was gonna end with a cheer off and I Yes set up the possibility that this movie was going to end with a cheer off. And I was throwing in. Yes. Yeah, did it. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, Jesus just dropping it like he's hot. And then we, okay, so, so then we get some signature Omega code newscaster exposition about the meteor fires and floods and plagues and riots and all the other bad shit they could think of in their brainstorming session. So Stone Alexander turns to the International Council of stereotypes to ask how they're gonna fix things, right? Oh my God, this room is where I lock all the accents.
Starting point is 00:57:02 I'm not allowed to do post 2005. I. I. I. I. I. I. And they're all watching that news that's telling us like, oh, you know, in case anyone, you
Starting point is 00:57:14 know, can't see the biblical plagues happening everywhere. That is happening. Yeah. We have vaccine rollout right before the election, though. Yeah, I know we're going to get it. Right. By the way, Antifa is completely blowing the apocalypse out of proportion. It's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:57:34 So, okay. And then so while we're watching this, we're also cutting back and forth to President David, who still refuses to join the anti-Christ dealian league. Oh my God. He reaches a being escorted out of the Applebee's level of insanity in this argument. Well, yeah, did. Okay. So he perfectly encapsulates American conservatism, right?
Starting point is 00:57:56 So one of his advisors says, well, okay. So why is world peace a bad thing? And president David says because it takes away my freedom. I'm staying. Boy, there's America right there. I'm finishing my coffee. Do you know that when you wear a mask, you inhale as much CO2 as if you were standing. No, that's none of that is. Come on. Mr. President, they're going to taste you. But then he just starts reading off like little snippets of America documents that he sort of knows. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:58:31 He's like basic for the people, we the people of the people. For score and. Bring us to mountain. Yeah. Huddled. Make sure to start over with just my children and my wife. Yeah, so he has his America will not be bullied speech. And then we cut back to the antichrist who's like giving out gold stars for whoever murdered
Starting point is 00:58:55 the most people in their zone. Yeah, Russian guy is sucking up. He's like, I just want to throw this out there. I'm actually executing everyone who disagrees with us. And he's in the middle of giving out that gold store when the wife comes in. He's just like, you know what? Do it X-Nay on the order mains in front of my wife way,
Starting point is 00:59:17 but good. Andrew, can you come in here and explain these are jokes? These are just jokes. Yeah, he doesn't even just say like, no, I don't want you killing people wink, wink. He like had just, but he's like, okay, let's go from a medium amount of fascist murder though, right? Cause like, right, honey, that's what you were hoping for.
Starting point is 00:59:37 How I'm saying, how do you feel about medium murder? Still mad. Oh, you're mad. You're still mad. You're your man. All right, so then we cut to this amazing sea where the like antichrist wife is head packing him for heading a worldwide fascist empire. The best. They're just it's a couple, but literally a couple fight with the
Starting point is 00:59:57 anti Christ. And the wife's like, I just heard that you're doing the apocalypse. We are talking about this before bed. The apocalypse. This would have been a doodly do if it wasn't actually part of the goddamn. There's no, there's no doodly do to do. They did it. Yeah. So he's just like, he starts teasing or he's like, you're a full antropist. You hang around poor people, poor people with any wonders off, right?
Starting point is 01:00:22 Yeah. And she accuses him of the murder too. She's like, I heard you murder like everyone with handshakes. And I believe the president just like died of a handshake. And he's like, I knew you'd throw that in my face. I knew. And yes, I do. Sometimes kill people with handshakes. Yeah. All the time. I kill. I kill. I'm a demon. I love, like she's like, you know, the people will find out that you're not really as good a person as you pretend to be. And I'm like, wow, did the Christians overestimate themselves?
Starting point is 01:00:52 Right? They thought that their fascist thinkator would have to be, like, at least pretend to be a good person to fool. They're amazing. No, no. You guys didn't know that. Anyway, so now we cut to a huge crowd where none of the actors from this movie are visible.
Starting point is 01:01:07 And then a very tight shot where two people's hands are waving around the line at the bottom of the screen. He's giving a speech to Africa. The whole of Africa. Hello, Africa. Is there? Yup. All of Africa, thank you for making it.
Starting point is 01:01:24 Did a show in the Middle East last night? Is there all of Africa. Thank you for making it. Did a show in the Middle East last night? My arms tired. Boy on my arms blown up. Look at my very long coat boy are my arms dealers. No, okay. So yeah, fantastic Also, what was it with the chaos line? Right? Where he starts yelling chaos and he's just like, should I say that again? In case the Oscars need it. Oh, it's the best.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Yeah, he's given this big speech and this crowd kind of doesn't react when he thought he like punched a big line. He's like, the world is in chaos. I said, chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, echo. Did you say echo? See, my theory was that was just Michael York trying to pronounce that word through his crazy person accent. Cheers. Chaus. Chausu.
Starting point is 01:02:21 And so, all right. So then we get to, we go to Mexico because apparently this movie thinks it'll find a plot there. And this is where Gabriela is off doing some charity work. And a Mexican general shows up and says, hi, I'm going to come back and act three. They felt like it was showed up now. It would be less confusing. So hi. Yes, you are me.
Starting point is 01:02:43 You are here in Latina, Vania, Latin, land, Latin, Latin, Latin, Latin, there you go. Latins a Stan. It's Latin act. Never mind. All right. So yeah. So then they, so, so they talk over a dying Christian old lady and pray for and meanwhile the antichrist We come back to Africa. He's like and by the way African people fuck you Take my lightning powers right up your ass lightning What okay, this is a weird moment yep the whole thing's crazy, but the anti-Christ Set up a speech to do an evil magic show that does appear to be the case.
Starting point is 01:03:30 For homicide, all 500 people in Africa. Yes. Yes. To demonstrate his power. He yells to the crowd, I can't help you because you refuse to bow to me as your god. And then he hits them all with lightning and kills a bunch of them and then the other ones bow to him as a God. And I'm like, dude, like if your goal was to convince these people you're your God, you open with the lightning powers. You like come in and you're like lightning powers. Now who do you think I've got right? Yeah. Feel like you're doing whatever you want at that point. Yeah. Definitely. You don't want to open with your international policy and close with your lighting. Exactly. I am orchestrated several trade deals. Yeah. Okay. All right. I guess we're going to have to use lightning powers again. I want you to know that Sweden
Starting point is 01:04:17 vouched me just for the trade deal. So yeah. Why they get their own zone in my weird 10 zone. Why they get their own zone in my weird 10 zone. Okay. All right. You're your God or whatever. Do you want us to all sing stereotype noises from our different ethnic groups? Right? I would really like it.
Starting point is 01:04:34 You would all sing stereotype. Sing the songs of Africa. I miss the rain. No, not toad oh, not toad oh, got that. That's all right. Well, I'm pretty sure braiding a bunch of people in shootin' them with lightning is going full anti-craze, so I think we can take another break.
Starting point is 01:04:49 But first, let me give AX through the hard sell. Will this movie remember that it's a sequel to a flick about the Bible code? Can these writers overcome the fact that the Christian apocalypse is preordained and that no character within the film can have any significant effect on it? Does Stone Alexander have any other mortal combat fatality powers to unleash? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the profligate conclusion
Starting point is 01:05:13 of... Magito. Omega Code 2. Good evening everyone. Welcome to the world United Summit of all the nations of the world. I am Stone Alexander and I am your God. Well, he says that a lot. Shh, sorry.
Starting point is 01:05:36 Today, I would like to unveil to you a new plan for a united world. No longer will borders hold us back. You will be divoted into ten zones. First, the Americas. Wait, we're stuck with the United States. Yes, I am sorry, Canada. Tough luck. Oh, man. Then there are the Latins. You know, just all of them down there.
Starting point is 01:06:07 I'm sorry, sir, are you combining like Mexico and all of South and Central America as one? Yes. Yes, yes, you know, La Cucuracha or whatever. You guys will be great. Then there are the Asians. I know you guys don't get along, but I can't tell you apart, so figure it out. Wolf. Africa.
Starting point is 01:06:31 You get to stay one big country. What? Russia. Weirdly enough, you get your own thing. Not sure why I did that. Australia, New Zealand, Europe, the Middle East. Wait, hold on, you grouped the entire Middle East together. Yeah, it's all the brown people except for Africa.
Starting point is 01:06:52 Sorry, sorry, sir. None of the countries are going to accept this. There's thousands of years of history here that you're not taking into account. What if I offer all members of my evil army about rei oh i'm fucking it is a great uh... to be honest yes paris for all uh... big wireless please hold no wait no don't put me on hold again i want to talk to
Starting point is 01:07:21 we got a quirky pretty girl to sing our whole music to help you to forget we're a giant mega-corp aren't we relatable? Hold music. Our CEO makes $12 million a year. No, no, this is not a good idea. I'm not sure. What can I charge you? Sorry, did you say what can I charge you? Yeah, we're kind of dropping the pretense these days.
Starting point is 01:07:44 I mean, what are you going to do? Switch to Mint Mobile? Sorry, did you say what can I charge you? Yeah, we're kind of dropping the pretense these days. I mean, what are you gonna do? Switch to Mint Mobile? Oh, what's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile provides the same premium network coverage you're used to, but in a fraction of the cost because everything is online. Mint Mobile saves on retail locations
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Starting point is 01:08:42 Okay, that sounds great. Can I cancel with you then uh sure yeah please hold no no no no humanizing hold music quirky funny humanizing hold first we paid this girl less than two hundred dollars our CEO has a toilet made of gold toilet made of gold okay i got into and we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action at Stone's castle where he's making fun of Gabriela's dead poor people and whatnot.
Starting point is 01:09:15 Yeah. He's like, come on. Old ladies dial the time. Old ladies actually have co-morbidity. 94% of apocalypse death technically isn't on me. All right. Okay. So then some newscasters cut into explain what's going on, right? This is where we see like this thinks breaking apart and all the massive earthquakes and tornadoes and gas shortages, et cetera.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Yeah. And the reporter says 25 states are seeking a apocalypse aid. So apparently, the other 25 are just like letting a free market figure it out. Yeah. Well, I think I know which 25 those would be. I'm living in one of them. That's for sure. How's the market going? How's that invisible hand that's not stabbing you in the arm? Yeah, fucking messy. Yeah, I wrote my notes. What I love is that God and Satan have identical tactics. So really, they're just having a smite off,
Starting point is 01:10:09 if you think about it. Really, yeah, actually. So then there's this moment basically where we have president, David, and all those advisors are saying, hey, man, you need to be, you know, you need to get on board with your brother of the Antichrist, and then we cut to the Antichrist,
Starting point is 01:10:24 and all his advisors are saying, hey, man, you need to be top on board with your brother, the anti Christ. And then we cut to the anti Christ and all his advisors are saying, Hey man, you need to be top fraud. Your brother is a president, right? Mm hmm. And this is where the Secretary of State shows the video of him killing his brother, right? Yeah. Right. This is where he's had enough of David's like resistance to the one world government. And look, I get it. Pre-Trump, I can see why people would think this kind of thing could take down a president. But nowadays, you know, Fox News would have talker Carlson telling him old people are magnetically attracted to balcony railings and all the Republicans would be throwing themselves off high shit to pone the libs.
Starting point is 01:11:01 Yep. Yep. Jesus. So, yeah, so he shows that on TV and then the FBI shows up at the White House with a warrant to arrest the president because that's how that would work. Oh, if only. Yeah. The FBI sent five guys. Yes. To deal with the five guys in the secret service. So, you know, tie.
Starting point is 01:11:26 Yeah, but to be fair, they did not expect that the secret service would be loyal directly to the president. I wrote in my notes, damn, I think Trump might be using this movie as a handbook. There's this fucking amazing moment where the FBI shows up and they draw their guns on the secret service. They're like, we're here to arrest the president. Let us in secret services like no. The FBI guy just shoots him in the head.
Starting point is 01:11:49 I think you guys like, maybe, okay. Maybe secret server guys like, are we playing with guns? He shot me. Yeah. Yeah. No, we have one of those good old fashioned. Everybody just stands face to face and starts shooting at each other gun fights. Like they did back in the day. Yeah. There was a fire. And then the president finally runs out the back of the White House.
Starting point is 01:12:17 Yeah, exactly. The helicopter in the back of the White House and flies away. And he's just like, yeah, all right, with Louis, I uh, I'm still the president. That's the rule. If you fly away, you didn't get me, you didn't get me. You got my jacket. That's the scene too. Right? Like, like, the first of all, like kudos to smooth. We had helicopter money. I didn't think this movie had helicopter money. But then I like to shoot out ends with him just like getting to the helicopter and leaving, that's it. That was the clever thing that he did to get out of the- And Nixon has taught us anything, helicopters are safe.
Starting point is 01:12:51 All right, so then we cut the stone giving us his like, but America is now mine monologue to the Chinese leader, right? Yeah, he gets on the phone with the guys like, hello, China, Mr. and he's like, I'm president she, it's fine, just don't call me China, please. And he announces they're like, all right, well, the US president is getting replaced, he flew away so we didn't technically get his jacket,
Starting point is 01:13:23 but like, we're switching it up. So I own America now. Right. And China's like, well, I don't care. We can stand to lose a lot of people in a war. We're fucking China. He's like, eh, yeah. Yes. Yes. You are. I'm the Antichrist. And let me just say you, China, have kind of bummed me out with your war tactics. Well, and then the Stone Alexander says, well, you know, according to the Bible, the armies of the East are going to rise up against us. And I'm like, according to the Bible, you lose to a guy with a mouth sword, dude. Are you reading the Bible? Really?
Starting point is 01:14:03 I'm only reading a word a day. Yeah, but I'm not right, right. I don't want to get ahead. I don't want to spoil tomorrow. Yeah. Does this part about a bear? Does this guy? He's bald though.
Starting point is 01:14:15 So, you know, gross. So, and then he summons mouthbees. Okay. What? It's not the summoning mouthbepiece so much as the wife walking in You always walk in right as I'm something you're gonna think I do nothing but summon mouthpiece Yeah, he gets off the phone with mr. China and then immediately pop the teens like all right No, we have time to do our afternoon
Starting point is 01:14:44 Evil Beast thing the pop teams like, all right, no, we have time to do our afternoon evil beast thing. So he starts literally vomiting a swarm of B locusts, whatever, all over the world. And the wife walks in at that exact moment. He's like, hey, honey, do you want typhoon tonight or B vomit? No typhoon. No typhoon. Fun. Yes no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they're fast, very fast. Talk about murder hornets. And the Chinese premiere has an assistant next to him at this point and she's like, yeah, lots of bees all of a sudden. And chance you just had a fight on Skype. And a crazy, crazy, crazy.
Starting point is 01:15:38 Yeah. And first of all, by the way, okay, this was supposed to be the lion, face scorpion, horse, locust with crowns and shit. Instead, they just went and bees fuck you bullshit. Yeah, exactly. But so, yeah, so we see the president of China, whatever stand in this window and there's just bees moving by the window. See, San, this is like, all right, but we have one more trick up our sleeve.
Starting point is 01:16:00 We'll wait until late act three. So meanwhile, the president shows up on a battleship. He walks out of the bridging is like gentlemen, you guys are on my side of the coup, okay? All right? We're shirts. This is a weird situation. Yeah. Yeah. And this one navy boat is just the one they're they're cool with Yeah, yes. They're on his side, the president's personal side. Yeah, you guys are all on my team, just right away. I thought I was gonna have to give a speech, okay. We don't, you guys all like sticklers
Starting point is 01:16:35 about the order of succession or something. So, yeah, we had about the secretary of state just jumping right in. Yeah. So, he's like, all right, it's time to send out our troops to fight. And I'm like, all right, it's time to send out our troops to fight. And I'm like, are we going to get American troops fighting bees? You're fire arms are useless.
Starting point is 01:16:56 This shooting canons into the sky. And they brought the president. Okay. We with them. They're doing a raid on the fucking antichrist palace with the president. With the president. Like he's like, no, I want to play it too. And they're like, well, if he wants to play it too,
Starting point is 01:17:17 he is the boss. So, Mom said we have to bring the president. And we, I want to talk about this accidental comedy moment that they have when they get into the president. And we I want to talk about this accidental comedy moment that they have when they get into the castle. So here's what happens. They get into the castle and the anti crisis. Hello, David, but it's just a TV that turns on. But a lot of the military guys breaks out and shoots the tea screen And everybody's like okay, man You get that you didn't kill the guy on the TV right?
Starting point is 01:17:51 Sorry, sorry. I thought he was right behind me. I It's a TV. There are another TV where we can watch his Difference between us next to you and somebody on TV I just wanted to clear up safety for later. Flat. Small. Yeah. So and also they find Gabriella locked in the dungeon, talking a bunch of crazy
Starting point is 01:18:17 bullshit. She's got her, her cryptic prophecy here. She's like, you must follow the man with eyes that do not see. Okay. A blind guy. I mean, is that really a riddle? I don't even know why you're trying to make it a riddle. Yeah, it turns out to yes, just be a blind guy.
Starting point is 01:18:39 Yeah. So they're like, yeah, we missed Stone, Alexander, when we went to raid his palace. So I guess we'll drive away. It's like, didn't we show up in helicopter? We're driving away. They drive away. And again, it's one of those beautiful things where it's just a little bit too long before the next thing in the plot happens.
Starting point is 01:18:56 I really wanted the military guy with him to be like, so, Mr. President, I'm thinking of a thing. I think it's by something red, something bees. Yeah. So yeah, but so then they come across a blind guy and the president just serves follow in him. And I want to Gabrielle to show up and be like, okay, not every goddamn blind. Come on. Excuse me, sir. Sir, do you have a magic message for me, sir? me sir sir do you have a magic message for me sir do you have eyes but you can't see yeah I'm blind is that what the weird way to phrase it yes I guess and then the president
Starting point is 01:19:34 is just like all right well I might as well follow this guy into a church and stay for the sermon now right yeah it'll be relevant to my story, plot movie. It's so fucking, like, okay, so he's the fucking US president. People in this church would recognize him, right? Even if it is Italy. So yeah, so he walks into this church. There's a dude preaching about like, you know, this part of the movie in the Bible, major spoilers. Yeah, right? Dude, this is great. You you popped in actually. You need to listen to my sermon about the end of that book. Yeah. People have been telling every character that they need to do that. And so and then the all of the people of the church turned to him and start chanting save us
Starting point is 01:20:18 at him. And we know that this is a profound one because it's like it's slow motion and then fades out on that, right? Really, really shows you how easily Christianity transfers its cult from Jesus to any white guy with power. Huh. Yeah, so, yeah, so he walks outside and they're like, you know, one character's like, what the fuck was that? It doesn't even make sense in the plot.
Starting point is 01:20:42 Was something just communicated there? He's like, it's time to fight back. He's like, we've been, we just rated his compound with guns and grenades and shit. What do you mean now? It's time to God damn it. This makes no sense. No, I thought we killed him in the TV. No, man.
Starting point is 01:20:57 We just talked about this. God, I'm there. Other TVs. So I guess me and the president of China, we're going to go beat up the anti-Christine person is the only thing we can do now. Yeah, right. So that's the plan, right? They're going to pretend that they're all showing up for a historic peace agreement with, you know, tanks. We also get a weird shot of the Western wall. It's like, meanwhile, the Jews are praying. Just in case you were wondering what the Jews are up to during the giant peace conference.
Starting point is 01:21:29 Yeah. So now the, the president is there. They're all trying to figure out how they're going to attack the anti-Christ, right? How it's going to happen. And they all look at, they see that the president's just kind of hovering in the doorway. He's like, either way, a lot of people are going to die die and they're like, yeah, we're planning a war, dude. So that's, we go into it, expect in there. Okay, I know you said you want to beat up the anti-Christ in person with the leader of China.
Starting point is 01:21:57 You said that. I just think, why don't we just expose the anti-Christ and get a new leader of the UN? He's like, shut up nerd. We're doing my thing. Yes. Yeah. He sneaks himself a gun and then he heads off to take it. Take out, I guess the anti Christ on his own. This is when Stone Alexander addresses his troop on giant screens, like only the bad guys ever do. Yeah. Tension everyone. We're going to do a one on one meeting greet with all of the evil nations. I can do selfies, but I do not have time to sign stuff.
Starting point is 01:22:31 So please hit a pre-signed 8 by 11. I love you. Yeah. Also, it is, uh, it's not a lunch in any more come having eaten. So yeah. So President David praised to Jesus to ask why the hell he would be the main character in this film. He says, I don't, I don't want to die, God, but you would never guess it based only on my career choices.
Starting point is 01:22:58 Dear Jesus, I don't know if I can shoot the Antichrist in the face, but if that is your will, it's a weird, weird plan. And it's so good because he asks God, like, hey God, why me? And there's such a long pause. Okay, I really thought I'd get an answer from God there. All right. All right, then, nothing. Sorry, what? an answer from God there. All right. All right then, nothing. Sorry, what?
Starting point is 01:23:27 I thought you said something. Nope, it's nobody. Nobody said anything. So then he runs off into the enemy camp. To what? We don't fucking know, right? To shoot the antichrist in the head. Well, but no, to run up to the antichrist
Starting point is 01:23:43 to point a gun at him and say, hey, the ant. Well, but no, to run up to the Antichrist, a point of gun at him and say, Hey, the Antichrist, it's just been revoked. Yeah, instead of shooting Emmy Yelts' name, and then somebody hits him in the head with a rifle butt because yeah. The. All right. So now they've got him in this cell, right? And they have the moment where like the two brothers are at either side of the bars and and Stone Alexander's talking shit to him. And David's really upset because they turned they drove Gabriella Satan crazier. And so they have the classic moment where he has to like reach through the bars, but come up short, except his cell is underground. Like they're the bars are on. So he's like leaping
Starting point is 01:24:30 up, try to get him. It's like watching a short person try to grab something off a shelf. Hypoglycemia Phil. I also love that he's like, the integrator's like, oh, it was so funny watching you and her with your long and glances. I mean, honestly, I'm the antigrages is like, oh, it was so funny watching you and her with your longing glances. I mean, honestly, I'm the antigrages. I'm gonna let you fuck my wife if you want to fuck my wife. I'm not. Coming to you and I'm something non-antigrages people let you fuck their wives.
Starting point is 01:24:56 So I'm just saying really something you have a pool boy. Yeah, he says to eat her statement. He goes, where is your God? Now he's like, oh, he'll be here. And in a very end of actor, he'll be here. He's gonna wait for a lot of people to die. So he's like, well, you know, there's 12 minutes of runtime. So it's not gonna be more than that. Okay. I just, I really don't understand our plan. What? Who is fighting over what here? There's 12 minutes left. What are we doing?
Starting point is 01:25:30 Yeah. Right. Right. Exactly. This, again, this was supposed to be this. Everybody was going to sign a peace treaty because apparently the Chinese zone, the Latin zone and the American zone hadn't signed on yet to his one world government. So they all brought their armies to the peace summit, which means like consider how much
Starting point is 01:25:53 how many fucking tanks had to move across oceans to make this happen if they didn't expect it to be a war. Now I should point out the movie has two tanks. Right. We will see them again and again with different flags hanging off of the back of them. I just wanted to point that out one time it's wearing a mustache big tank with my. Exactly. So, but yeah, but just then surprisingly, the armies that came to this piece summit start attacking. Who didn't think so the Chinese are attacking the Americans are attacking even though Latins are attacking. Attacking what though?
Starting point is 01:26:33 Exactly. There is no clarity to the entire rest of this movie. And all the characters are like, yeah, I don't know attacking. It's really vague still. God, I guess we're attacking God, I don't know, attack. It's really vague still, God. I guess we're attacking God. I don't know. It's like someone declared food fight, but with bullets. That's what I've seen this time.
Starting point is 01:26:53 Right, right. Everybody just starts fighting everybody and there's so much money wasted on this, because okay, up to this point in the movie, I was shocked when they had like helicopter money, right? But they clearly spent a ton of fucking money on this dumbass scene where who the hell even knows who's fighting who?
Starting point is 01:27:14 It's just explosions in the background and bloodless falls. At one point, an explosion explodes. I just, yeah. Yeah. It's like you're playing paintball, but everyone forgot to assign teams. Yep. Just like Eli running around yelling, and I keep paintball. I'm shooting myself in the dick sometimes. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm going like, wait, those can't be the same tanks. They're going in the opposite direction and have Chinese flags on them now. Yeah. There was some CGI fighter jets
Starting point is 01:27:46 and some bombs and shed and then budget explosions and then David, you know, he's being held captive obviously by the antichrist. He gets away by, you know, pushing down the guys who are holding him captive and he runs off just as bad guy HQ gets exploded. Oh yeah. But of course, Stone Alexander is fine because he is the devil. He's got the green smoke of protection. Okay, now let's give credit where credits do. This is what our 15th apocalypse.
Starting point is 01:28:24 Yeah, 16 something like that. Yeah, 16th. Something like that. This is the first one where Satan literally climbs out of the anti-Christ's head. In the physical way. Oh, yeah, he like unzips the European guy costume, like a Barney costume and he's just like, and I'm Satan.
Starting point is 01:28:42 He was physically hiding inside Stone Alexander's skin. Yeah. As apparently a gargoyle? A that fucked up flying monkey, right? This may be our silliest looking Satan. Yeah, oh, certainly. There cannot be a sillier looking Satan than this. Maybe the one from the Mexican Santa Christmas movie, but this is up there top three. Oh
Starting point is 01:29:08 God this was so ridiculous. He's got these silly little Wing hands on the top of his wings, but then he also has normal hands He still talks like Michael York. Yeah. So it's now Satan going, hello there. I am. To destroy. Yeah. So yes, the devil, he, we pose, he grabs David and he pulls out an organ. We don't know which one. I'm thinking it must be a appendix based on how long he lasts afterwards. Not an important one. I just wrote my notes. Oh, man, I got Satan poked right in the tummy.
Starting point is 01:29:52 Yeah. Okay. And just to be clear about the visual of what's happening here, a giant gargoyle Satan is bantering with the president of the United States and then eventually stabbing his heart out with his claw thingy. Yes. Like nobody's what? That didn't catch anyone's eye. They're all busy at the big, many tank fight. Well, this is great moment too.
Starting point is 01:30:18 We're Satan, like, looks to all of the explosions and shit. And he has this big long speech about I call the power of the darkness to rise up and destroy all those who stand against me but then nothing fucking happens they're like I guess we used a whole CGI bunch of on me huh so just more uh more tanks and explosions okay more tanks and explosions I guess I wanted a bunch of demons to rise up and just like stand there Okay, man, what I don't What tea are the tea what are the teams? Did you assign teams at the beginning? The red pants guys that's our team come on
Starting point is 01:30:59 And then I wrote this is it I wrote as a joke in my nose because he says Jesus is nothing and I wrote in my notes shit Jesus is right behind me isn't he? And then Jesus actually shows up right behind him And same does like a slow turn like oh fuck. Yes You guys have to leave my mom is mad my mom is We can't play Super Nintendo anymore. Yes, God very clearly made end of the movie light. And by the way, when Satan sees that and he goes, no, that is visually the greatest
Starting point is 01:31:36 God damn thing we have ever seen. Yeah. Right? Like the last six minutes of this fucking movie are right up with international gorillas in truly fucking all time gam must see shit. Yeah, there's something about lightning in your enemies that these movies just haven't come. Also, he doesn't call him Jesus.
Starting point is 01:31:59 He calls him Nazarene with Michael York's again crazy pronunciation of the English language over a variety of, he's like, Nazarene with Michael York's again crazy pronunciation of the English language over a variety of he's like Nazarene I think you're yelling at me You're really focused on like the racial element the racial element. Northern Italy. What does it matter which part of it? It's fine. Okay. And then so and then the psychic guy turns to Satan, right? And he's like, you suck your terrible Satan. You fucked it all up and he runs up. But then he gets lighting bolted and bad CGI demons to death, I guess. Right. And then Satan's like, all right, Jesus, you got me. You're the Lord. Mm hmm, right. And then Satan's like, all right, Jesus, you got me, you're the Lord.
Starting point is 01:32:44 And then so he bell rogues. Oh, the over. So we, we, he tosses him down into a pit to hell. We see him clinging for a second, but no, yeah. We watched him be like, ah, ah, ah, caught myself. Not now. Not now. Doesn't count.
Starting point is 01:33:00 I'm halfway. And then that breaks off. And he, I'm out, I'm out. I sprained my ankle. That's a food we know you said at the time. I'm halfway and then that breaks off. And he's I'm out. I'm out. I sprained my ankle. That's a food. We said that's a diamond. And then we see it.
Starting point is 01:33:09 Like he hits the bottom. Alan. He's all like chained up in the lava. Cause I guess once you showed us that dumbass looking gargoyles devil, you might as well go all the way. And then there's like movie over and movie over. So aggressively abruptly. And then there's like movie over and movie over so Aggressively abruptly there's like weird trumpet fanfare out of nowhere like Mario beat a board
Starting point is 01:33:45 And by the way the entire bad guy army all dies at once like they just took out the mothership right a title card drops like a fire curtain. It's just like, and kingdoms of the world have come to king into the Lord. It's so good. It's like the movie through a smoke bomb and dove out the window through the glass and it's like, we got no movie over. Yeah, that was it. It's over now.
Starting point is 01:34:00 There is no wrap up whatsoever. We don't need one. All right, so I guess that's going to do it for our review of McGinnon Omega Code, too, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet. We still need a publicly committed to doing more of this shit. So Eli, tell us what's on deck? You know, war for a young musician soul. One dead will find the way. Adam's testament. All right. I like to lead in there. Are you really making it?
Starting point is 01:34:26 You really sold that shit? Awesome. All right. Will you will you do it as Michael York really quick? In a wheel for one guy who uses cans so well, only dad will thin the why. Adam's test of it. All right. So that's a little more. work in a pretty good way.
Starting point is 01:34:46 So two six, deep word to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among the arrange, you can make a per episode donation of patreon.com.sl. Got off one there by your own early access to an ad preversion of every episode. You can also help attend by leaving us a pop star review
Starting point is 01:34:58 and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the Skidding Aids, the Sitation Data, D&D Minus, and the Skeptocrat available wherever podcast lip. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email us on www.gmail.com or link to services for this podcast or provide it by the law, if it's a P.O. to retort us,
Starting point is 01:35:13 Tim Robbins and Takes Care of our social media. Our theme song was written in the form of a RISELOTN, we will drop some on Mars. All of the music was written in the form of our audio engineer, Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in our life this week. For Heathen, write in Eli Bosnick, I'm No Lutians, promise to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.
Starting point is 01:35:30 All of us went on to star in the Omega Code 3, 2020 in real reality. Satan went on to have an itch on his nose, but just that a reach of his chain hands. For eternity. Awesome, worst. Everyone agreed to do shirts and skins for the next Apocalypse. We are out of peanut butter! The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.

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