God Awful Movies - 265: Adam's Testament

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Adam's Testament, the story of a whole bunch of unrelated plot points all getting spilled into the same script. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And then the devil is sitting in the back of a limo. Oh, sorry, we couldn't afford a lip. He's sitting in the back of a sedan. It's a sensible town car. Not quite. He tries to do the slow, evil window roll down thing, but it's too fast. So he's like boo-root oh um hi I'm the pev also it's got the it's got the child safety windows and only rolls like half way down so he's trying to do all the things over it he's taking his face out like a dog trying to sniff while they're talking about god awful movie movie Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Right. He's welcome back. Thanks Noah. So you know who's getting divorced.

No, I know the A.R. White is getting divorced. The religious hypocrite who founded Pure Flix, which I'm sure is now canceled by all the good Christians. He's getting divorced. Oh, wait, like, that's going to make three quarters of his filmography. You know, the movies about how divorce is evil and you should never, never do that and only satanic people do that. Very awkward in the future. So we're going to move a few of those up in the, in the last year. We watched this on pureflix, this movie we're about to review. So I know I feel like we should just end the episode as a boycott right now.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, no, not yet. because I have to introduce this other guy. Otherwise, nobody will know who else was laughing. That's my bad friend. He's 900 miles to my own Northeast. And he is Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?

Real married. No, thanks for asking. Real. It's crazy how I don't have any Jesus, but I'm still married. Yeah, no happily myself as well. Yeah, you good person. I actually almost felt bad about this. When we got the news, I was like,

ah, maybe we shouldn't mention it. And then in the news article that told us he was getting divorced, it was like from the producer of God's not dead and unplanned. And I was like, all right, fuck that guy. Yeah. I got forever. Right. All right. That's not dead and unplanned and I was like, oh right, fuck that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. So, but unfortunately our today's movie has nothing to do with him. Although that would be so fucking great. We're going to tie it in. We're going to make it work. We'll find it. We'll find it away.

It's on pureflix. But, well, there you go. So, tell us, Heath, what was on pureflix? What are we going to be breaking down today? We watched Adam's Testament. It's the story of Satan, the Prince of Darkness, going down to Georgia looking for a soldier's steel. But he finds the world's least talented musician part.

And also Satan is just super bad at guitar too. So the whole plan ends up being a big struggle. You remember that will Farrell sketch with like Garth Brooks, he's trying to write a song before he gets famous sitting on his couch and then the devil shows up. It's Will Farrell and he's like, I'll make you a star. It's like thirties on the music that can boil. Oh, so then he's like, there's a guy named Fred and he's got a pair of slacks. Yeah, I am not. Okay, the guitar's out of tune. That wasn't my fault.

Fred's got slacks as a winner. They literally made that sketch into a movie by accident and I couldn't stop laughing at it. Yeah, this is very much if the devil went down to Georgia, had just ended with, oh, I dropped it. I don't have my damn right. Oh, I'm doing a C don't have my damn right. I'm doing a set at EC seven. Wait, see seven seven seven and Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love the gritty modern

cowboy stories of late 2010's television, but the only place you have to shoot is your Catholic church, it's graveyard and the alley next to your Italian restaurant. You will love this movie. It's a not at all true detective. There you go. Yeah. Oh my God. So it like I want to give the audience the same warning about how bad the writing was

going to be in this piece of shit movie that Pureflix gave us here is the description of the film verbatim Adam a young musician had the perfect life I have no idea what part of the movie they're talking about Until one day everything changed also. I have no idea what day that would be his father continues on a relentless path to save Adam's soul as angels and demons are disguised as humans. Also, we have fun costumes in our movie. Also, there's outfits, there's lovely little outfits. And it concludes this ancient spiritual war between good and evil will test their faith. Good job, right?

In the movie summary, grandpa. Let's get you back to the Alzheimer's word. Huh? Jesus. You'll connect those thoughts one of these days. So other than summary, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of the worst? We're understanding of what guitars are and and and butals are like physically also singing. But yeah, and sing like physically, they don't know how noise has happened on the door. And we'll get to the details. Like honestly, I'm surprised the singer wasn't like fingering frets on his chest to make a different notes happen on the scene.

So dumb. Well, them not understanding noise would explain a lot about how the goddamn movie was That son is chest to make different notes happen on the scene. So dumb. Well them not understanding noise would explain a lot about how the goddamn movie was mic'd too. So. Oh my god. Literally. So little, let me part the kimono here.

I wrote it the top of our notes because I usually go through the movie first. That's just the sound of the movie. It doesn't matter if you watch it on YouTube or Pure Flicks or Amazon. That's what the movie sounds like. Oh, it's so bad. But if you want to sign up for a lifetime membership and support, I'm here looking like half of that. Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say I don't know if we can sign up for that. He's not great with lifetime commitments, but all right. But I was going to go with best worst vanishing plot points.

Okay. So it's like this plot felt the need to juke now and again, they'll introduce this crazy shit. That would be the plot of any other movie that just disappears in the mist. Oh, he murdered that guy. Wait, how the whole, where are we going? He just murdered that guy back there in that last scene. Why are we moving? Murdered that guy anyway. Anyway, is the plot somewhere in the movie? Wait, what happened with the, I said anyway. And interrelated note, I was going to go with best worst moral high ground. So as Noah already mentioned, this movie is the story of a murderers quest to make his

son be more Christian. Yep. Yeah, unrepentant murderers, far as we know. Yeah. Throughout the film. Yeah. Pretty solid murder. I'm a team murderer.

I was one of my favorite. I might have just gone with best worst murder. Oh, it's one of the best worst murders for sure. Alright, well I'll tell you what, we have way more plot points than plot to get to, so we're gonna think a quick break to warm up, and when we come back we'll dive into all the alternating whispers and shouts that are... Adam's Testament. Adam's Testament. Adam's Testament.

Okay, little of this and some garbage can cleaner. And that should do it. Hey Eli, what are you doing with all that science stuff? This looks dangerous. Oh, I am making my own finnest stare ride for my hair loss. Out of stuff you found around the house? Yep, stuff around front of the house. I don't think you can do that. I don't think that's a good idea at all.

I mean, what else am I gonna do, Heath? Go to the doctor. I mean, why don't you just try forhimms.com. What's forhimms.com? Oh, it's a one-stop shop for hair loss, skincare, and sexual wellness for men. It's time to write a new chapter, one in which you have hair. So wait, you're telling me I don't have to make my own finnest share, right?

You do not, and you can't. For him, it's connected to licensed medical professionals online, which could save you hours, completely confidential and discrete. Answer a few questions. A medical professional will review. And if they determine it's right for you, they'll prescribe you medication to treat hair loss that shipped directly to your door. Today, Hems is giving you their best offer yet.

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Prescription products require an online consultation with a medical professional who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. Remember, that's forehns.com slash gam. Hey, thanks, Heath.

So who told you that you could make your own finasteride anyway? Oh, it was a my pillow guy. Yep. Okay. That tracks. Hey, I hear by call the first writers meeting for Adams, Testament in order. Hey,

all right. All right. So he is what I'm thinking. It's about this cop, right? But he's also a gangster. Is there any other kind man, but a being I working in shows. Right, right. But his son, his son has gone to the devil. May he rest in peace. Who will be played by my uncle Eugene? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no them my real shame. Who doesn't text back their mom? You got a text their back. That's ridiculous. Got a text their back. Okay. So what are we looking at budget wise? All right. Well, we can use the alien next door. Right. Father B. Amici said we can use his church. Love the father. And we have $500,000 worth of eye color changing CGI. All right. So we just change everyone's eyes and yell at each other in Alice.

That's the plan. Bada Bing. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to open up with Mark 836 for what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul. And Bible quote that pretty much relates to nothing in the movie. Check. I love that quote so much. They try so hard for these every time in these movies, like they go through the entire

Bible for whatever something that relates to their thing, but it's always like God is life. Yeah. Right. Oh, well, this one sounds like your buddy trying to cheer you up when your ex girlfriendgirlfriend clearly traded up I will have about that. Yeah, those grapes are probably sour anyway All right, so we start off on this bald guy sitting in his car drinking. Oh Our protagonist chemo vendingel You know, you know how they did a gritty Joker reboot? This looks like they did a gritty vulture reboot. Just having a drink in his parked car.

You guys would be in kind of judgey about this. Like, right before you go to the bar to have a drink, you got a drink. Exactly. Yeah, no, I'm sorry to make fun of bald alcoholics that early in the story. Right away. So, yeah, so they go into, so he goes into this club called purgatory. Huh. Interesting. And it's, it's a real, it's a real strange club. There appears to be a wedding going on.

They also have a, a Jewish fitler. This club is like a Stefan skit. What? Okay. Why is the fitler Jewish is my first question for you? Well, he's wearing a tallis. He's wearing the tallis. What is that? I how the hell did I miss that? Jewish. Yeah. So I mean, to be fair, you were probably distracted by the senior citizen in a wedding dress. The Mison cent was busy. Yeah, we're on the right side. We had a guy who was like warming up for his audition for Tevye. Yeah.

I also really want to know, because we're going to learn this as like Satan's Club. I want to know how Satan came up with that name. Right? Right. Minions, gather around me. Yes, Lord Satan. We need a base of operations for our plan to corrupt the soul of those two guys I don't like.

So I'm thinking we make a nightclub, a den of sin. Perfect, the Lucifer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those really down and dirty places with a bar and other sinful stuff. Other sinful stuff, exactly. Right. And so we call it... Parcatory.

Really? Yeah. You know. Parcatory. Wink. I mean, shouldn't it be called like hell? Yeah. What? What's the matter with you? That would give it away. But but calling it purgatory wouldn't. That's that's very simple. No, because people will be like, Hey, is that club run by the devil? Oh, wait, it can't

be because it's called purgatory. And everyone knows that sick runs out. And purgatory and everyone knows that sick runs out But in purgatory is run by medium Jeff. Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah purgatory is run by medium Jeff. Oh What's he like? That tracks yeah makes sense. He's mad. Alright, so the bald guy goes into the bar and he asks the bartender, he's got this little picture and he's like, hey, have you seen this guy? Now it's the lead singer of the band that literally just walked off the goddamn stage. But still, the guy's still like, let me think about it, I'll be right back.

Wait here, I'll be back with whether or not I've seen someone. You need to go. Can you just answer now? What? I check with my manager. Yes. I saw. Yeah.

Right. Right. Okay. You know what? Bring out the manager. You're being a dick. So yes. So the bartender comes back and he's like, yeah, man.

He's in the back. So both guy goes to the back and he finds our protagonist, Adam, and kind of Adam tries to run and then he have tackles him. Sort of like he's under arrest, I guess. He's like a flag football tackle, if you will. Yeah. Okay. Where was he trying to run though? Cause they were in the back room and he like just gets up from his chair.

He's done running towards the wall. He can't see me when I move. And the cop guys like gotcha. Shit, forgot to paint a tunnel. All right, so yeah, so they're like, oh, you got me. And then we get the credits because we can consider ourselves the fuck. T's. Oh, yeah.

Someone requested true detective credits. Yes. And by true detective credits, we mean slow motion and old faces. Yeah, slow motion and old face. A little bit of a Hungarian board, Dello band. That's pretty hard. It was fun. It's like Sam's spade figuring out the Bible code. It was dark and gritty. This is also where we see and I thought this was maybe my phone neck tattoo. Is that what

you were going to say? Yes, I was and it's all I'm ever going to say afterwards. I was blown away by okay. So during the credits, yes, there's a bunch of fucking true detective ripoff shit going on But there's also a character with a goddamn giant old timey Like you know big band era microphone tattooed on his goddamn neck and the fact that we were talking about anything else Just weirded me the fuck out Might as well have a gramophone tattoo going up on his face We were talking about anything else, just weirded me the fuck out. You might as well have a gramophone tattoo going up on his face too. Oh, way too much.

All right, so yes, so we see microphone tattoo. We all paused the movie for a long time and stare at microphone tattoo. We write microphone tattoo in various fonts and sizes and our notes. I tried to touch it for a while. Yeah, it's me. I potted it slowly with my fingers for a good 10 minutes on pause. Yeah, I have a seven notebook full of microphone tattoo.

Yeah. All working no microphone tattoo makes no a doughboy. Yeah. All right, so then we cut, we have the credits. We got back to bald guy. He's putting Adam in his car. Now, we feel like he's a cop arresting this guy, but he's not because it's not a cop car. Apparently it's, he is a father. Citizens arresting his son for breaking the Bible law. And it tells us this. He goes, technically, you haven't broken the law, but violated the Bible and I wrote in my notes

so I'm Bible arresting you. What? All right, so yes, so they're sitting in the car together and they have this argument, this front seat to back seat argument and I noticed Eli that you have the exact same note I did on the slide. One dad says try spending one day in my shoe.

And we both wrote, are they gonna freaky Friday? Oh, they freaky Friday. Please freaky Friday. So, but no, they don't. It was still early in the movie that could have been the plot as we like, oh, now you have to be the drunken cop and I have to, and that could have been hilarious. That's trying to sing it. Oh, that dad was guaranteed to be a better musician than that son. That's actually, yeah. No, no, no, you mentioned it. All right. So, yeah, so he's like, um, so they start arguing and they get out of the car at one point. The

son's like, your Bible is a lie, which the dad responds to with physical violence. He's like, yeah, you know, you can talk shit about me, but don't you talk shit about the word of God, right? Yeah, just to establish himself as the protagonist here. Yeah, exactly, exactly. By the way, they thought we were going to notice this move from being in front of the club, doing in front in some like a trailer park, because they had to yell loud. And they were not doing that. You know, those apartments. So I saw guys, I noticed. So anyway, so the kid runs off, in some like a trailer park, because they had a yellow cloud. And they were gonna do that near the department. So I saw guys, I noticed. So anyway, so the kid runs off dad sitting there feeling sorry for himself in the car when

suddenly a gentleman shows up to tap dance on his hood. Oh, I was so hoping it was one of those roving gangs, a tap dancer. Well, it was. It was. It was, technically. Yeah, so the skyscars tap dancing on his hood and then does a back flip off his car. I wrote my nose, I'm like, man, this movie has back flip money, no shits.

Okay. Based on the Miking, I did not think that would be the case. No. But yeah, so this is the devil, right? The devil has now shown up the tell. The bold character what a bad that his name is Joseph by the way they they eventually get around in the second act at some point and naming him. But the devil's here to tell Joseph what a terrible father he is. And it's I want to talk about this guy's performance because it's like.

It's like he saw Al Pacino in the devil's advocate and was like, who subtle? Yep, subtle. Yeah. Yeah. So this is the closest thing to a real actor they have. This is Nick Mancuso. So he's got one of those like, he's the guy from the thing faces.

Oh, yeah. But this was like, he felt like, okay, I'm obviously the best actor in this movie. I have to fucking go for it. And he did. He's not free. He's not free. God damn sacking. Yeah, right.

There's no scenery, but I will chew it anyway. There's also this great moment where as he's parting, he says to Joseph, this is the neutral zone, my domain. And I just was like, my pretty sure hell is your domain. And neutral zone will be nobody's, like their name, right there in the name, make it into the title.

All right. And so then we're introduced to the unreliable narrator of this film, which is the title cards, right? Because it's like 10 years, the title cards is 10 years ago, but we just kind of flash back and forth between modern day and 10 years ago, right? Like 10 years ago, but we just kind of flash back and forth between modern day and 10 years ago, right? Like 10 years ago, there was a flashback with fucker you talking about, right?

So we cut the 10 years ago, though, back when dad had a hair piece. Oh, I want to talk about this two pays so bad. It was not too pay. I think it was a bald cap for the rest of the world. It looks like a Beatles costume that doesn't rise to the level of Halloween adventure. Halloween adventure passed on that particular wig. Oh my God, it just, it doesn't turn when his head does everything that's could possibly be wrong with it is wrong with it. It's amazing.

But we cut to him back when he had hair and his son was clean cut and didn't have a neck tattoo or a go T. And we see the wife, the, uh, who is, of course, going to die. We know because she basically walks through this scene saying, I promise not to die today in an atheist making car crash, right? Okay. Now, it seems like, you know, somehow you know you're going to die later. All right. Well, this is a 10 years ago. If you look at how glowy and white these walls are, obviously, I'm about to die.

Yes. That's a good point. Sorry. And they're doing this thing right where she comes in. She's like, it's time to wake up, honey. I made Japan cakes, except they didn't get a child. So I just, no, it was like, oh, it's nice that they incorporated the beginning of this stepmom porn

into their Christian film, you know, two birds, one stone and all that. Right. Yeah, but then we cut to the modern day where we have our character Adam. He's in the middle of making out with his like evil, Satan-y girlfriend, but he has to stop to talk about how much he hates God. Oh, yeah, nothing like smack-talking God to turn on the ladies.

By the way, at this point in the movie, the sound design was so irregular, I was twiddling the volume on my laptop Like I was trying to contact aliens. It was fucking insane Pretty sure I asked for help and Morse And this girlfriend character by the way is so unhappy about everything that's happening Like in her life as an actress more than anything else But in the movie she's just like hey, can you stop whispering evil? Hold your right hand to my face.

Just, ah, what's happening? And he's like, you want another funniest part? About how stupid fucking, stupid fucking God is? Fucking God, stupid. And she's like, no. Right. At a speech ready. If I may quote, Daniel Dennett, you may not please don't.

No. Stop. All right. At a speech ready. If I may quote Daniel Dennett, you may not please don't stop. All right, so we cut back to the Joseph the bald dad and this movie is so lazily written. They don't have any way to establish that he's an alcoholic other than to have him consuming alcohol and literally every scene. Right? So he's like in the bathroom pouring himself some wine as he sits on the shitter. You know, like ridiculous amounts. That's not a.

Alcoholic thing. That's just a, that's just a nice poo sky. What are you going to do while you're shit? That's like a 45 whatever. And this is a lovely home and they try to make it dark and gritty by putting out a calendar of oranges in the sink. You know, like a real badass. Also, just, you know, pro tip, turn on the light for your brooding solo drinking sessions.

Kind of like this though. And now I wanted them just hit his shins throughout this entire bonding. Oh, fucking, why have I turned on the light? So many tools. And now I wanted him just hit his shins throughout this entire Why have I turned on the lights? Fucking Legos God damn it at him. Yeah, I wanted his wife to show up and like turn light on and like fuck up his whole brooding thing Start playing dance music or something. Oh Yes, but he walks around in this house in the dark like pick and shit up going like I wonder if this photograph has any exposition in it, he'll shake it a little bit.

But we eventually do get the full blown flashback to her dropping in her papers in the streets just as drunk driver was coming by driving drunkly. Oh, and let me just say because I love the little touches of insanity that make it into these Christian films. This particular junk driver and we've seen a lot of them. He's drunk driving while listening to funk, which I don't know. But yeah, but I want to fucking here. He gets some kind of funk going on, but not right away.

First we see him like fighting with his wife or girlfriend or whatever he's leaving. And he's like, I'm drunk and abusive. Bye, bye. And it kind of fucked up the tone of like the character to say, you can't say bye, bye, abusive Lee. Really? So he's just like, uh, toot, fuck one by I don't know. On people drunk. And he gets in his car and he starts bumping Really? So he's just like, uh, two don't fuck one by top three. Oh, people don't get.

And he gets in his car and he starts bumping some like ace of base. Yeah. And I was like, all right. It's not the same. It's why they cut see a later alligator from Blue Velvet. Not a lot of people know that. And so he's driving drunkly and angrily and and and not giving a

shit about Jesus Christ and his relationship with this Lord and Savior. Meanwhile, the mom spills her papers all over the street and must walk out into the middle of the street and look only at them. Right? Okay. And again, just another little touch here

that I really loved. They didn't give her enough papers for the papers. Yes, she has three pieces of paper. So she's like, oh man, I'm done. I really loved they didn't give her enough papers for the papers. Yes. She has three pieces of paper. So she's like, oh man, I'm done. I'm done. Now would I tolerate and collate these in the street now. But then she finds a pamphlet, right?

This pamphlet sitting on the ground saying like, are you ready to meet your maker? And then she just stands there and stupidly stares at it, which means that at least to some degree, that Chick-Trac killed her. Yeah, right? That she's the pamphlet falls open after she's been hit. No seriously, look to the left. God's just up in heaven.

Ah, she should have put it on the front. She should have put it on the front. Yeah, that was God's fault very clearly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was God's fault very clearly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he killed that lady. God literally distracted her with a message that says, I want to meet you.

So, I guess I'm going to kill you. Read this now in the road and you're dead. Yeah. And okay, so sometime later, dad's there, right? Dad is responding to this. Dad is a cop sometimes in some of the flashbacks. I don't know, but he's there and then Adam, the son, just drives by and thinks, hey, I wonder who the dead person under that sheet is, but it's his mom, so he freaks

out, right? Oh, and again, tiny moment. Oh, God, this is so good. Yeah, this is the actor playing the EMT. It doesn and again, tiny moment. Oh, God, this is so good. Yeah, please. The actor playing the EMT doesn't know what to do. So he starts tucking the dead body in. You go to sleep. No, already dead. I'm done. We don't have a sham. I feel like you're chilly. And then so, yeah, so they're all standing around in the, the sun is crying, the sun's girlfriend is sad and the dad is all angry.

And the EMT is looking at the drunk driver who's sitting in the back of his ambulance and saying like, I sure wish somebody would murder this guy who just killed that lady with the drunk driving. If only somebody would murder him, huh? Yeah. I got that. He walks right up to the ambulance guy and he's like, uh, here's my badge. I'm a cop.

I'll take it from here, ambulance guy. And I needed the ambulance guy to be like, nope. Take the ambulance from here. What? No, you know, that's what cops do. They show a badge and then they say, I'll take it from here. I just ran a Starbucks for a week and a half base. Well, and so I guess the idea is supposed to be that the ambulance guy is like, yeah, man, take him. Go ahead, do whatever you want to do.

But I feel like that ambulance driver kind of had a different method of killing the guy in mind Billions driver kind of had a different method of killing the guy in mind because because immediately after that we see him drive up then we cut to a newscaster going a man was found dead in an ambulance after it drove off a cliff. Okay. Okay. The newscaster. I think almost exact words were like all right, we found a fire bombed ambulance with a corpse in it back behind a warehouse. The police don't suspect foul play.

Yes. What? Well, okay, he specifically says the ambulance went off a cliff and they haven't found a driver. But they don't expect foul play. This just beg for a play this look this kind of thing just happens. Well, we don't we don't like to talk about it. But one out of eight ambulance this drives itself up a clip. It's something to do with the siren. We don't know why. I just love the idea of walking back to the ambulance guys and I took care of that. He's like, great. Where's my ambulance? He's like, Oh, you wanted that back? Oh, what was I going to do? Murder him not in the most obviously connected to you way possible. Oh, it's so amazing. Just put in a lost ambulance request form. I know, it'll take him a couple of days to get you a new one. You just, how did he do that?

Did he die about the ambulance? What's going on fast? He should be all scraped up. That's probably where he lost his two pay. Oh, that's the scene we're missing. That's the scene I wanna, is this guy just like struggling to push an ambulance off a cliff?

Yeah, right. He's like, you know what, I'm gonna have to put a brick on this gas pedal, probably that'd do it, right? I got a, okay, I'm gonna put it in neutral, and then I'm gonna try pushing. Hold on, I got this. Remember in Roadhouse, when you get the thing in this account? I need a knife.

Throw a knife at the gas pedal from outside the car. Drunk through the gas pedal. Drunk driver, Doc, get out here and help me tip the ambulance, but then you climb in real fast when it looks like it's going to go. Okay. All right, this is badly now I have to find like a dog car. I'm going to be like that ambulance guy. That was so fucking stupid.

I love it so much. All right. So now we cut to this other incredibly stupid scene, right? This is the one where Adam is driving along on his motorcycle and he you know the cop is trying to pull him over But he's like fuck to police. I mean, I'm gonna pull over and everything but you know, but fuck He's like I don't stop for any man. Now let me just pull over here. Oh We don't have the kind of money we'd need for a chase scene. Okay. All right. I'm willing. Yeah, the girls like, Hey, you should pull over that copy because

I'm not afraid to die. What? Okay. That's great to know. Thanks, guy. You should pull over. Yeah. Either over. Yeah. Either way. Yeah. The only way that line makes sense is if Adam was originally supposed to be cast as a black guy. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Exactly. So, yeah. So he pulls over, but he's given the cop shit. So the cop gets out of his fucking car and basically gives them the like, you know, obey me and be obsequious or I will shoot your girlfriend to death, ultimate him. Yeah, I mean, I know it's not on purpose,

but this is the most realistic depiction of cops that we've seen in the Christian cinema, I congratulate you. We need to retrain the police force. No, not with plastic stuff. I feel like escalating straight to hostages. We're. And at some point, like, you know, the girl is like, Adam, oh, God, help me. And he goes, did you say, God, that reminds me of an evil atheist monologue that I've been practicing. She's in imminent danger. She's like, oh, God. And he's like, there's no such thing as God.

If I make quote, Daniel, then it in the cops like, in the middle of a hostage thing. You know what you're the hostage, then. You're the worst. Yeah. So he, the cop hits her with his night stick. And he's like, oh, wow, fuck, man, I didn't think you, okay, fine, fine, cop me or something. But just then the cop gets a call on his radio and it ends the scene, which means that crime was a freebie. Right. Yeah. They have believe. You know what they say? Two crimes at the same time, the second one's real. Yes, have a good night. Yeah, that fucking scene wouldn't have been weirder of the cop it turned out to be looking for John Conner. So I think the audience in home might need a minute to recalibrate their expectations.

So we're going to give them that minute, but we'll back soon with even more. Adam's testament. I'm Tony D from Tony D's house of all the other sheets that aren't my sheets rock. We've got scratchy sheets, I've got sweaty sheets, all the sheets that my sheets rock won't sell. Sure, my sheets rock is created to so called regulator sheets, which are designed specifically to keep hot sleepers cool and cold sleepers comfortable, they regulate temperature, they wake moisture, they stay breathable and are so soft, you'll sleep comfortable every night.

Well why would you do that when you can come on down to Tony D's house of other sheets where everything is crammed into a plastic square so you can't feel how terrible they are. It's true, my sheets rock sent us some samples and they're so soft to the only sheets I use now. Wait, who are you? I'm ETH, one of the hosts of the shows. If you say so.

Well, what if I don't believe you, Mr. My Sheets Rock? Don't believe me? They're five star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90 day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns. Check out MySheetsRock at MySheetsRock.com slash awful and enter code awful for 10% off and free shipping. That's mysheetsrock.com slash awful with the code awful.

My sheets rock for when itchy and sticky isn't your thing. Hey honey, sorry I'm late. Whatever babe, I ate all the bread. I noticed you wore your underwear outside your clothes for our date. Yeah, well, I don't text my mom back. Yeah, I get it. Hey, hey folks, I'm Tim. I'll be your server.

Can I tell you about our specials? We're atheists. Nobody's special. Yeah. Uh, so, that's not what that means. So we have a Veeel Picata. Picata religion, totally. Oh, okay, that was just terrible, terrible word play.

We also have our homemade bonaise sauce that can come on any of our pastas. Nothing, okay. And of course, we have Angel's Food Cake. Psh, I hate Angel's Food Cake. Do you have any like, Devils Food Cake? Yeah, we'll have two of those. Nope, nope, we don't have that.

Why don't I give you guys a minute? And you can... Whatever, I want Fettuccine Alfredo, but instead of veggies, I want fries. I'm just gonna eat his fries. Yeah, just so you know, I don't believe in tipping. I don't believe in believing in tipping either. Wow, all right.

Well, you guys really are going tipping either. Wow, all right. You guys really are going to hell. Yeah, we are. My clothes are so itchy. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the story in flashback mode where clean cut, blonde dating at them. I love that one of the ways,

so the various ways that we make him clean cut are like, you know, he doesn't have the goatee. He doesn't have the microphone tattoo. And he's not dating a fucking red head. And he doesn't have the leather jacket with like 18,000 bejazzled rivets. So yeah, but the clean cut version of him 10 years ago is walking through the school and he's being tempted by the devil's sweet guitar skills. Right. The devil has disguised himself as a substitute guitar teacher that looks like he would be like he would be out of place anywhere except for really digging his job at GameStop. Right. Or being a substitute guitar.

Yeah, that's true, actually. Yeah. And honestly, this was almost my best worst, this was almost best worst, obvious devil. Cause he walks in the room and he's like, oh, have you been playing long? And he's like, right. Just wanted Adam to be like, weird reaction to have you been playing long. And he's just going to monologue at Adam throughout this scene in Devilese. He gets about a sentence in before he says, Adam, you see, music is like science.

It's like math. There's no God is what I'm saying. Guitar. If you ever heard of the golden ratio and I'm like, yeah, and he's like, oh, well, then never mind. I was going to tell you, but apparently you know. Yes. And this is when the devil names a bunch of great Yes, but like in an evil tone So he's like Palito Fibonacci you clean is my favorite my favorite evil subject is musical geometry

Yeah So he hands the guitar Satan hands the guitar over to Adam. Adam plays one chord, right? And the devil's like, I see great potential in you. This is also where we as the audience realize, oh, this actor does not know how to play the guitar well. No, it's like, it's blank. And then he just looks up with dear eyes. And the guy's like, oh, that's what you're gonna do.

Yeah, great. Great. And another thing that the whole movie doesn't know about guitars is if it's an electric guitar, you don't get full sound unless it's plugged into a goddamn amp. But yeah, yes. Yes. Yeah. Slide oversight here.

So the devil's like like you've got potential. You, you also don't need to plug it into it. That was just a me thing. You also has this great moment where he's like, Adam, can I let you in on a secret? And he says boring devily stuff, but I really wanted to be like, I ate a bunch of mushrooms. 45 minutes ago. I'm not really the guitar teacher. I'm just afraid to leave this room. Will you walk me home? But yeah, barely that was his first introduction to the devil. So now we go back to purgatory alley, right? So dad is still looking for me. Decides to go back to the same alley to see if he's come back. Like he was a fucking cat that got out or something, right? He goes back to the same alley to see if he's come back like he was a fucking cat that got out or something right

He goes back to the same alley now there was a homeless guy that was there before because Every like every fourth Christian movie has to have a homeless guy holding Bible quotes on a piece of cardboard Yep, right to all that's in alleys and Christian movies Exactly full to bursting with Apropos quote holding homeless people. Exactly. Yeah. And every character is never like, oh, you know what, I'm going to memorize this quote because this is clearly going to like guide my quest here. If we ever find ourselves in a Christian movie, we'll know. Yeah. Yeah. So he gives the guy some money.

He's like, Hey, have you seen this? Yeah, you know what, never mind. You're a creepy homeless guy. And then the homeless guy says something back to him. I wrote my notes. He says something in echoey, Aramaic or something. It turns out, yes, exactly why I was exactly correct. It was fucking Aramaic. But yeah, but then he does say something in English too. He's like, the boy you seek is not far away. And Joe turns around. And he's like, okay, man, you want to be a little more specific about that. Oh, you vanished great.

You vanished great. Great. Awesome. Advice magical angel sent from heaven. The fedic homeless people are the worst. He might as well have been like warmer. Boof. So yeah.

So then Joseph calls his connections on the force and we get my favorite vanishing plot point over the entire goddamn movie, right? He's on a pay phone. This movie was made in 2017. He's on a pay phone and he calls his old partner on the force and he says, Hey, Frank, you remember that unsolved murder case with all the symbols on the wall and the stuff that's also part of this convoluted ass plot of hours. And Frank's like, yeah, I sure do. I bet this is going to come up again later in the movie. He's like, really, it's not. I'm not even. You'd be amazed how none of this is going to come up later in the blind. Can you name all the details of that case? I can, but we're just dropping this plot line.

So we want to. Well, the greatest fucking thing about it is that Frank goes like, oh, yeah, that was the case where the victims had their eyes and their hearts ripped out. And then I'm like, well, then why didn't you just say, you remember that case where the victims had their eyes and their hearts ripped out? I feel like you'd lead with that.

It's weird that the wall writing is what's stuck with him. Eyes ripped out, hearts ripped out. That's every day in the big city. I'm talking about the one where there was graffiti. Yeah. That's the one. He's property. The one with the black guy. Well, just the guy who ripped out the eyes and the hearts. It does matter what. Yeah, but he's like, what language was that symbols and stuff? He's like,unishmer. Yeah, but he's like, what language was that? Symbols and stuff. He's like, that was Aramaic. And he's like, wow, that's so lazy

that that was Noah's first guest, really. It was that's going Aramaic, huh? Interesting. Code in Aramaic. And you're calling me about that. Is this related to anything or just like off-road? And I think he's like, no, no, that's nothing. It's one of the codes in Aramaic. I don't know. Like a Sudoku type situation for me. anything or just like I'm going on and he's like, no, no, that's nothing. Want to decode some air make.

Like a Sudoku type situation for me. Really wanted them to do the awkward catch up thing where he's like, so how's Carol? So she's good. Good. Okay. I gotta go. So now we cut to we cut to Adam playing guitar back in the flat. He's going back and forth between then and now right like back to.

All the walls are white time and modern time and again how bad this actor is at guitar is impressive for a movie where they made this his thing this is like a movie starring me about jogging. I'm not mad. I'm impressed. I love that he's playing an acoustic guitar here too, because I feel like that means two things. The movie's decided that like acoustic Christian electric, yes, demonic, but also somebody on the set was like, you can't keep using electric guitars, not lugged in your So yeah, so Adams walk into his gig or something and he comes across the bum that had yelled Bible quotes at his dad Right and he's there singing along with a guy who's playing a bugle He's plet he's, are you fucking serious? He's playing like Miles Davis's solo from a kind of blue

on a fucking Google. You can't play all those notes on a fucking Google. It only has notes in the harmonic series of the key in the Beatles. You would call C-G-C-E-G-E. You could play taps, and that's it. Yeah. Idiots.

But that doesn't stop this actor from just furiously fondling every part of this. He's tapping the bet. He turns it around and plays it from the wrong end at one point. It's fantastic. All right. So and Adam gets into a fight with these guys, right? Cause the singing guy, though, the one guy that his dad had talked to earlier has this little Bible quote on his piece of cardboard. So he has to yell at him about how atheist he is and how he doesn't believe in any of that Bible shit. And hey, I just want to say, fuck you homeless guy. I know how hard life really is.

That's a hot tank. That's a hot tank. And the homeless guy is just like, all right, relax with the Daniel Dinnett quotes that you're screaming. That's a hot tank. That's a hot tank. And the homeless guy is just like, all right, relax with the Daniel Dennett quotes that you're screaming at. We're strangers talking on the street. Right. Why are we having a conversation escalated crazy fast?

And the guy, the homeless guy says, you know what I see in the world and Adam says, what do you mean what you see? You're blind. That was the first time I realized that they were going for blind with this character. Oh, yeah. He's like, you're, you're staring at me. You're blind. You're staring at me like the Mona Lisa and you're saying you're blind.

Well, so that, that's why when the dad turned to him and said, you know, hey, have you seen this? Oh, never mind because you realize you're supposed to have realized you was playing. I don't know why the fuck they thought we were going to know they intended for that character to be blind. And I just need to say at this point, blind guy, X Machina definitely needs to make it onto the next version of the Christian movie, Bingo card. Oh, or at least homeless guy, X-Mocky, then yeah, for sure.

Yeah, exactly. All right. So meanwhile, we cut to the redhead, the girlfriend. She wakes up a wash in an ocean of animal prints. Oh, and it's so good. We have to learn that she's bad, right? So we get her mom calling her on her cell phone

and she's like, my mom, fuck that bitch, right? Oh, not picking up her mom's her on her cell phone and she's like, psh, my mom, fuck that bitch, right? Oh, not picking up her mom's phone call. Also, she is, she's still dressed in like a Halloween costume her mom wouldn't let her wear. Oh, yes. Okay, so this poor actress, everything they have right now is just leather, everything. It makes no sense.

It's all like, no, but your character would probably only be wearing like this short of a skirt, huh? Right? And the poor actress is so very clearly wildly uncomfortable in the outfit, not just because it's a little more revealing than she's comfortable with, but also because it's like, you know, whatever it's made of cow. Yeah, exactly. And she's like ducking behind stuff casually as she acts.

She just lean into this house burn for a second. Yeah, and they have this bizarre fucking scene, right, where she's leaving the house and the devil shows up and he's just about to devil something or something but then the angels show up dressed as cops. And like they put the demons in show colds and then they vanish and then the angels turned to her and they're like, sorry about those demons, ma'am, have a nice day and she's like fill it out via am I right? This seat made so little. Did they talk in a different language in the scene too? Yep, they did. I had no idea what happened.

Yeah, they use some glowy hand light. One of the angels has glowy hand light that he can use. Yeah. And that'll never matter again. But anyways, so she walks away from that. And then the devil is sitting in the back of a limo. Oh, sorry, we couldn't afford a lip. He's sitting in the back of a sedan.

There's a sensible town car. Not quite. He tries to do the slow evil window roll down thing, but it's too fast. So he's like, boom. Oh, hi, I'm the devil. I want to just be like, yeah, here's some grape upon. Get the fuck out of here. You're being weird. Also, it's got the, it's got the child's safety windows. It only rolls like halfway

down. So he's trying to do all things over it. He's taking his face out like a dog trying to sniff while they're trying to one second. Let me, let me open the door. Can you step back a little bit? No. I gotta push this button on the roof. I don't want you to get out. So yeah, but yeah, but he's pretending to be a music producer

who's interested in Adam's cord, right? A music producer who's driving around looking for information from random people on the street. Yeah, right. Yeah, couldn. Yeah. Couldn't think any other way to get close to this musician he was interested in signing. And then okay, so just in case you weren't aware to this point in the movie, the extent to which this actor can neither sing nor play guitar.

Oh, we're going to watch him sing and play guitar. Ben, Ben, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no star fingers and he's going on the fretboard. Oh, the fucking over and not on the string. Yeah, he's playing the top two strings. He's moving his fingers around on the other four. Oh, dooku's there trying to copy him. Dude, that's the beginning to eye the tiger. It's just done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And the song it's so he's so bad they have him sing for like three minutes. He can't sing it. It's I could he stop laughing This is why I was like it's the will for all sketch. Yeah by accident They accidentally stumbled into the will for all sketch. Yeah, he also like it's like he didn't son, Devom, you, me, me,

and I meet Monday's, no hats. Now we see his girlfriend, Staren Adam, like, why wouldn't they just find an actor that could play the fucking guitar? It's crazy. They made so much of this music about that. So we also, we see Frank going over the evidence.

Now if you're thinking of yourself, wait, who the fuck is Frank? Yeah, cause we haven't introduced that character. Yeah, it's the guy who was on the phone and the movie forgot we didn't get to see him. Yes, right, right exactly. So hope you're keeping up. So okay, and this is such a useless fucking scene.

I don't know why I've been talking about it, but we get to see where Frank, you know, he's been looking over all the old evidence and the Bible, by the way, in the montage, and he calls a different character that we've never met to get more information on a cold case that we know virtually nothing about and that the movie will not be about. No, and that the movie will never come back to. Nope, no. No, we're almost done with it after this thing. We have one more mention of it, but yeah, so he's calling archives to get some information, but the devil is there pretending to be the guy from archives and telling him that information is unavailable.

So the devil satan, the Prince of Darkness, in order to make this happen, he couldn't just you know, getting the guys ahead or catch a phone call using magic. He had to physically break into archives like hours ago, maybe days ago, and just wait for this presumably phone call to happen. And now he's faking the voice of the guy at archives. He's taken other calls. I'm actually waiting for a time. I'm going to be able to. All right, case three, three, one, six, two, yeah. I don't even know. Doesn't have to marry. Windows 95. I got I got to reinstall.

Do you have the CD force? It's four CDs. And Satan's henchman here are my favorite because all they do is stand behind him. Yeah. Stand in front of him in flanked formations. And they're doing that, but they're clearly so angry about getting forced to like stay all day for this for no reason, just to over your phone call. And apparently run to the archives to get those other calls.

Well, right. Yeah, yeah, from case three, three, one, four, three, yeah. Exactly. But yeah. And also the devil doesn't like, he's been waiting their all day for this fucking phone call. He can't make it all the way through the phone call without like tipping his hand, right? Because at a certain point he's just like, um, yeah, yeah, I'm just a guy from America. He's not an old son of Satan. Fuck you, Frank. What? Right? By the end of it. Yeah, he went to the omega code to school of not revealing that you're the anti-crackers. Right. Whoops. All right.

So meanwhile, so dad goes to take some flowers to his wife's grave, right? Yeah. And they didn't have that fake grave money. So they just shoot another grave from the back. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah. So the dad is standing out there like at the wife's grave.

And Frank calls him. He's like, hey, I have some more information for you. He's like, oh, where are you? He's like, I'm immediately next to you. We didn't we didn't want to bother doing two locations for this. So I am right next to you. Hey, I'm over here. Oh, you're you're visiting your dead wife. You're visiting your dead wife. Like, I kind of put a bummer on my, I'm right here, prank. I'm, I met a few, you came to a cemetery to find me. You know, then I'm in a cemetery. Have you seen Joe Biden?

He was just wandering around my phone call while you were, were you at your dead wife's grave? Yeah. So he's like, oh, well, I got to go chat to the Frank returns to the tombstone. He says, don't worry, dead white, the plot of the movie is still me finding Adam. I know there's a murder mystery thing now, but that's the plot. That's the plot. Don't worry. So he walks over to chat up Frank. Don't worry. I will forget about that two scenes from now. Well, yeah, exactly, exactly. And so this is actually the last we're ever going to

fucking hear of this cold case, right? Cause this is where Frank is like, that case was about a series of clubs that were owned by someone we couldn't figure out who it was and they kidnapped victims and killed them with demonic sacrifice. Remember? And he's like, yeah, I called you about it. Why would you be telling me this? It makes no fucking sense.

Well, I'm a local cop and also a, you know, Aramaic cryptographer. I could not. I'm Philadelphia's leading air make great Pogifer cop actually. And then Joe is like, all right, I owe you big. And Frank's like, well, I mean, I just told you I didn't really help at all. Yeah. I'm trying to improvise, but yeah, okay, you owe me. Yeah, well, so he tells him that his son is involved. He's like, yeah, well, that case is opening back up. We're seeing clubs just liking again, and your son is involved somehow.

Our undercover cops that are on this case have taken photographs of him. And he's like, that can't be true. He's like, it is, me two hours and and meet me again Where not in any place in particular shut up shut up Just meet me in two hours if you ask where you've thought it through more than the fucking writers of the movie So this is weird can I ask you? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor?

Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor?

Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? To do an a line? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Are we in a fucking metaphor? Right. Absolutely. And he's like, oh, hey, father, that's, that's gonna be I have an aromant question. Do you want to code of some sort? While the hell is like, why don't I ever see you in church anymore? I wanted to be like the molestation. Right? Oh, it's dead wife, problem evil. Oh, right. No, I was figuring, you know, yeah, but like statistically speaking, we probably okay, okay, rhetorical question. You can ask him. Thank you. You got a good looking kid. Yeah, he says, um, statistically speaking, we probably. Okay, okay, rhetorical question. You can ask him, thank you. Got a good looking kid. Yeah, he says, he's like, so how's your son? He's like, oh man, he's, I mean, he's the whole fucking lot

of this movie and it's still act two. So Barry, not good, you know, not. I think he might have been kidnapped by Satan with the music. But he's really fucking bad at guitar. So they're gonna get there exactly. It's got a microphone tattooed on his neck even though he can't sing. It's the whole thing.

I think they think they would ask him, they sing a little something before I put this on your neck, but no, they just think the tattoo being physically near his vocal cords is positively influencing the sound. I don't think he understands the physics of anything about music. You play guitar without an amp. I don't know if that counts. It's gonna be people. And I know it's just the bad writing in the scene, but was it just me or did it seem like

the priest was trying to lose him as he goes into the monologue. Oh, right. Oh, not good father and father Calahons just like right. I actually got to go to the bathroom. Here's the thing about Satan and my son. Okay. Well, you know, somebody ducked around the corner and called me. Got to go.

So yeah, so he's like, all right, I'll tell you what, how about we pray for your son together? You and I, and he gives this crazy specific prayer right where he's like Satan you will have no power over Joseph for his son and you can't use your minions to come between them or fuck with their girlfriend You're pretend to produce their music. Do we cut the Satan going oh god damn it man. Come on We cut the Satan pounding just like Damn it man, come on. We cut to Satan pounding just like, or would you say?

Say to my face. Well, that was a sweet solo, whatever. All right, so then, but we follow the priest. We might as well like really flesh out this character. Sure. So we cut to one of those Catholic rituals that they pretend aren't creepy as all fuck but are. Okay, this happens every time there's Catholic

stuff in any of our movies I have to Google it to see if it's supposed to be creepy and it never is. He takes it. Live in a world where you're not familiar with this there's a fucking silver lantern filled with plant matter just lying in an altar and he like looks it over for a second, picks it up and then just casually starts swinging it around and walks away. And when I'm in favorite little parts, that's a sensor, the little incense burner thing. And he spilled the incense like he dropped the lid off the thing.

Yeah, it kept going, which is excellent. Yeah, I like to come on. We don't have two takes kind of money. Yeah. So the priest is in there, is there a prey and then shit out loud. The devil walks in, smoking a cigarette. I feel like the whole point of Nick Mancure's will take this part was like, all right, but I'm smoking a cigarette in the fucking church. So,

Jed Bartlett. So he comes in and he starts fucking with the priest. Now, this actor has decided that during the course of his performance, he is going to try out every voice he has ever done in his life. He's on to smegle now. He's doing them alphabetically. We're at the S's. So he starts fucking with his priest and like slowly turning into smegle voice as he does for no fucking reason. And the priest is praying to God at this point, and this is happening.

And basically, he's just like, all right, so, gentle Jesus, help me, I'm getting attacked by Satan. Okay, now Satan's like, talking really close to my face. Which is crazy. Jesus will help, will help, nothing. Great. So fucking that the blind homeless guy, blind guy, ex-mocking us shows up.

They give up on him being blind from this point out in the movie. So he shows up to help out. And he's like, you know, whatever shit talking the devil for the remainder of the scene. Yep. And this is also where he claims that the high ringing sound you hear in your ears at night is actually Jesus Whistling at you. That's

Tinnitus. Yeah as if it wasn't as if the Miking in this movie and the use of the fucking bugle to play 88 goddamn different notes Wasn't enough. We now learned that the person who made this movie thinks that tonight is is Jesus whistling at him. Jesus fucking Christ. They're understanding of audio cannot get worse. No. I think he might be a firefighter. He just knows where the fires are. There's also one thing that I just, I love Satan at one point. He's monologuing at Michael, right? And he says, you hypocrite, you hypocrite. But for whatever reason, Nick Mancuso's performance is, he's like, you have a girl.

You have a girl. It's like he, I wrote hypocrite three times with my eyes closed and that's what Nick Mancourt so I had to do. Oh, I love all the various characters he's trying on before this is over. And then so, yeah, so Satan's like, but I want to take this guy so. And then the angel who turns out later, we find out he's the angel Michael. Heowy hands fuck. He was fuck He was lying on one of the pews Hello

Did someone call for a bugle? He's like oh dude dude. I'm gonna sit up bugle first when I do it I'm gonna see a bugle. He's gonna see the bugle and then I'll sit up That a floating bugle. No, it's a guy And we they even zoom in on the bugle and his hands pressing non-existent valves on a bugle. Why do that? Alright, so now we cut to dad at a bar now. Apparently, this is where he was supposed to meet Frank. The movie didn't bother to tell us that or anything. Oh, this is where we meet Swinger Club Peter Lori, the bartender. Come on.

Come on. This actor and Joe walks in. Seize this guy at the bar, the bartender. What you call him? Peter Lori. What? Swinger Club Peter Lori. Okay. All right. Got it. And he's like, hello, I'm gonna sit at your restaurant, the couch that you apparently have, and make a phone call and not order anything. But then he orders something, what the fuck was he drinking? He was like binge drinking.

He appears to have drunk four decorative candles. He's not. He walked in there is like, I juice on the rocks. Keep him coming. I don't know. It shows a little montage of that. Yeah. Yeah, but so while he's waiting, he can't get in touch with Frank.

So this demon girl shows up to seduce him. And we have we have this and this is should probably a Christian movie, Bingo Square as well, where he's They're flirting so the movie drops into a soundless montage because the writers don't know how flirting works Or what it would sound like this laughter. I know there's laughter. I've seen him do it from a distance So yeah, so he fucks the succubus and then like we cut to like immediately after the devil's fucking with him for fucking the succubus. Well, I thought that was happening like in the middle of it, like the way they presented it.

They were fucking and the devil was like roasting him during. Which by the way, that would not work. Like if Satan thinks being roasted during sex with a demon is going to ruin my sexual Jokes on him By the way one of the lines from this little mini roast I just had to write it down because it's so brilliant Because you couldn't protect her because you're The double because I just needed the double because to be written down It was the double because I just needed the double because to be written down in the historical record.

And then then he's moodily afterwards. He's moodily staring in the mirror and he breaks it in rage except he wasn't allowed to break the mirror. Well clearly because he heard himself on the first day. Yeah, give it a little punch. I don't know. Definitely heard himself. Yeah, give it a little punch. I don't know. Definitely hurt himself. Yeah. So we so we see the mirror. It cuts away. He kiddie scratches in the mirror's direction. And then we see like Uncle Mark tapping the center of the mirror with a hammer and being like, okay. Okay. And I love these like he's doing that thing where you're like staring at the mirror being like stupid you Joseph idiot fucking fuck Suck you this wrong way and now you got you got roasted by Satan. You didn't have anything funny back

I want to know how to walk in and be like hey, baby nice You yelling at the mirror your knuckle there. It looks like you hurt your knuckle You yelling at the mirror? You hurt your knuckle there? I was like, you hurt your knuckle. But yeah, but he decides he's gonna kill himself because he's so ashamed of his succumbest fucking. So he goes out onto this balcony and just as he's about to kill himself,

Michael, the homeless angel shows up, full blown Freeman eyes at this point. And he's like, oh good, I didn't want to jump up anyway. Thanks for the excuse. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, no, you still got to go find your son. He's like, right, the whole plot of the fucking, the whole fucking movie.

Right, right, finding my son. Do we ever deal with that murder thing? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, also just quick thing is, um, is that a demon lady still in the other room? Did she leave?

Yes. Yeah, she's still there. I feel like we're getting off track. Don't kill yourself. I'm here. All right. Well, now that we've gone way out of our way to point out that the main character of this movie did two have sex with the lady.

I guess we can pause for a quick break. But first, let me give it back to you the hard sell. Will Frank be able to crack the 20 year old cold case? Will Joseph's dark past come back to haunt him? Will Lucifer fool Adam into thinking he's a music producer? No. No, there will never be any reason why any of those plot points were introduced, but stick around anyway for the mostly unrelated conclusion of...

Adam's testament. Adam, come with me, Lucifer. Don't do it, Adam, stay with me, Lucifer. Don't do it, Adam. Stay with the angels. Hmm. I don't know. This is tough. Hey, Adam, I'll tell you what. How about 50% off almost any one item at Adam and Eve.com? Ooh, 50% off? Don't listen to him, Adam. Why not, though? That's a great deal.

Because anyone can get 50% off almost any one item at Adam and Eve.com and use the code awful at checkout. Wait, is that true? Uh, yeah. And when you do, you'll also get 10 free boredom bust and gifts including six spicy movies, a three piece bonus kit, and best of all, free shipping delivered discreetly right to your door.

So I don't need to sell my soul at all. You sure don't. Just go to adamaniv.com and use the offer code, awful. Curse you, Michael, and you're reasonably priced adult toys. Hey, don't blame me. Blame adamaniv.com. All right, Adam, how about this yogurt card, three stamps. Meh.

Curse you, yogurt card! Okay, you curse stuff a lot. He's right, you do. Hey, minions, come to me! Yes, Lord Satan! Yes, Lord Satan! Lanolin, the seductress. I have a mission for you.

Anything, Dark Lord, anything. So, Joseph is supposed to meet his detective friend tonight. And that information might ruin our plan, so I want you to distract him. Joseph, the cop guy looking for his son? Yes, the very same. Ooh, yeah. What?

What's the... Oh, it's's just I mean Come on what really what do you mean come on? He He looks like a rejected cartoon of Mussolini He looks like a Jewish woodpecker Okay, I understand that but you are a succubus. This is your job. Hurry, yeah, it's just, you know, I want to see if there's some other options.

Maybe we could explore something else. Are you one other options? Okay, how about this? Use to do so, or you can spend the next million years tending the boiling shit pits. Um, okay, boiling shit pits. Oh, boiling shit pits every time. That's easy.

I think you guys are the worst. Boiling shit. Oh boiling ship it's every time that's easy. I think you guys are the worst Who we're looking to right off? And we're back for still more of this shit when we last left our hero an arch angel had convinced him not to kill himself and we're gonna rejoin them showing up at club purgatory to redeem Adam once and for all. But first to do so they have to get past a series of heavily accented demons beginning with the balancer. The balancer has the like black eyes thing and he's like, holy fuck, the balancer doesn't have eyes.

And Michael's like, hey, I'm going to need you to be cool. This is really the front door. There's a lot of, have you not figured out this is a demon hell? Come on, dude. Look, we're gonna deal with a lot of fremen, you're just gonna have to get used to the ice. And then he does the password,

and I wanted so badly for him to have the wrong password. So you gotta be like, nope. You entered a password from three years ago. Tell me. Would you? These squares has a traffic light in it. Oh, no, just Michael trying to do that thing where you like tip of bouncer five dollars. Hey, man, high five.

Is this four dollars and ones four? You just drop it. The high five is a stupid way to do this. We'd have to like pinch it and then slowly bring our hands down Like Romeo and Rosalind So yeah, but you get said though. He's got the right password. He's he's like Henry Hill in goodfell He doesn't have to fucking wait around and we we actually we watch him walk in and then we see a Lying of people like the camera pants down as if to say see he's an archangel. He's important

So he goes into the club the fucking music in the background is so god damn ridiculous. It's like a 15 year old god dude is trying to fuck me. I loved it so Much I so wanted to hear their entire attempt to detect no song. It's just a sinful nature beep-boop beep-boop It's just a sinfulato basement is apparently, right? Okay, this is the best like fuck we don't have a scene. Oh, yes. That's for this.

It's just a chair and he's like, hello, some fem feel. We meet at last in your chair in the corner where you always sit. Man, this is something are you like the key maker? Like, oh, really? Because I'm Asian real classy real clip. But yes, I am the key maker.

So I'm disguised as the bathroom attendant. Yeah. There's yeah. So let me, it's, it's going to be difficult for us to communicate to the audience at home just how nothing Happens in this fucking scene. But yeah, they walk into this basement There's an Asian guy sitting in a chair and he's like, oh, I thought you might come my brother Isazel has been awaiting you and then another character comes up They stand there and talk shit for a second and then Archangel Michael says now go and be banished and they're banished.

And let me just say my sympathies for the actor who plays Azazel, this poor man could be so hot if it weren't for his face. He just absolutely got destroyed in the face. Like he's got rippling abs. He's wearing this leather vest with these sweet pecs and then the camera pans up. And he, ah, he just looks like an anti-Semitic World War II cartoon of Adam Driver. It's, wow. He looks like Adam Driver's Purim-based stunt man. It's not good. It's not good. And this is a zeal with the leather vest.

And he presents Michael, the angel, and the angel and Joseph and Adam with a deal. All right, let's make a deal. We here in hell get Joseph and Adam. And they're like, oh, you're done. That's not a deal. No, that's just names the two things that you get. We do. We get to end the scene for this.

But yeah, also blood sugar sex magic was overrated. That's your shitty band. But yes, but they they offer the trade and they talk a bunch of shit and then Michael is like, I banished the and they're like, oh, fuck, I forgot. He had the banishing power. Damn it. We should have been nicer. Hey, man, you can just like turn demons into a flash of light and kill him.

You want to just like stick with that as like the entire just go right to that. It was all the monologue in necessary. And then it's just a tiny moment. But at the end of the scene, right, for some reason they don't cut after he explodes them. So he's like, here, just step around the chair, step around the chair, the past the chair. All right. So yes, so they get past these guys, apparently these gatekeepers and they go into Satan's dining room where he's having a lovely meal with Adam and the girl the redhead.

So good. And Satan's like, welcome boys. I must assume you've done the light flashy kill move. They're like, flash kill move turns out he has that. He's saying it's like, okay, well don't do it again right away. I would like to banter with you now for a little bit. Right, yeah, exactly.

We need some more evil banter. It's better. He explains that Michael banished them to the desert for seven generations. Yes. I really want to follow the story of those demons. And another thing, Michael, ah, fuck. What the hell happened?

He banished us to the desert for seven generations. What? He can do that? Yeah. What? He can do that? Yeah. Yeah, he can do that. Damn it. That sucks. You're telling me, at least you're not wearing a leather vest. Oh, wow. Yeah. You're gonna burn that way like...

permanently. Right? I am. And then she said, well, I don't know if I want to date right now or just see each other. Okay, but what does that mean? Right, exactly. Okay, I'm thinking of a thing. Is it sand? Yeah.

343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 343. 1331. Be around the wall. 143.

1331. Be here. Nice, we're back. Wow. That was fast, right? Yeah, well, you know, it's an abstinence only state. Ah, got it. You want to get tacos?

Hell yeah, I want to get tacos. Oh such a better movie. Such a better movie. Much better. Yeah. So yeah, but dad is trying to talk Adam into giving up his Satan-y ways, right? He's like, Adam, don't you remember how white the walls were during the flashbacks? He's like, I don't care anymore. I wouldn't be devily. He accidentally quotes the mark thing. He's like, no don't care anymore. I wouldn't be deadly. He accidentally quotes the mark thing. He's like, no, son, you could do anything. You can walk on serpents and scorpions. We should try to do either of those as a bunch of people who die.

Also, by the way, that waitress girl who never gets a name. I'm pretty sure in the entire movie. She does. She gets a name in the next scene. Oh, not okay. Here at the end of act three. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. At the moment, waitress girl until they figure her out later, she's just so mad about the dinner date she was having with Adam ending up at Satan's Lair here. She's just like, come on. Yeah. They they cut over to her and I read that expression as her thinking, what the

fuck am I doing in this movie? What purpose does my character? My name's Mary, by the way, there it is. It's Kacha. Kacha is the name they went with. Anyway, so yeah, so Michael's in Satan talk shit for a little while. It's saying it's like, but I have my minions. And he's like, yeah, no, I brought fucking Gabriel and.

Donatello the beautiful guy. Whoever this guy is. And also other guy. Yeah. Who doesn't have a dumb power? He doesn't, yeah, he doesn't have an associated instrument, apparently. Yeah, I want to have like a recorder. He's got a kazoo.

He starts playing the recorder in a piano sound comes out. Yeah. All right, so yeah, so Satan's like, oh, you brought your friends, huh? Well, why don't I use my Satan powers on redhead girl and make her like, you know, rise. So really do we have to do we have to go with rise? Do we have to? Oh, which is exactly what that actress says, because she does not ride. She like, she's like, ride, ride, ride, ride. Okay. Okay. Great. But then the good guys with the special angel helpers are like, they have a song for that. Yes. They're like, stop turning the girl into a demon.

And that's the end of that. Well, yeah, they do a prayer and then they close on the big power clap. Sing. It's the, it's the, um, the Lord's Prayer, right? do a prayer and then they close on the big power clap. It's the Lord's Prayer, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. The they try to do the deliver us from evil passage thing. But Michael gets the passage wrong. Yes. And he's behind by like half a beat from the bad. Anybody else. I could not stop laughing. And to be fair, I react the bad. Everybody else. I could not stop laughing.

To be fair, I react the same way Satan does when I hear the Lord's prayer. So I get it. I get this. Yeah, right. No, if somebody all comes in and starts doing the Lord's prayer and unison and then claps at me, I freeze frame for a couple of seconds. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You go into the Boy Scout, a sweet-o right in there. What happened? So yeah, so they forced the devil and his minions into a temporary freeze frame. Well, they run off. They grab their kids and run. They get into their escape mini van. Yes. Oh, it's perfect silly.

I all it needed was for the angel to be like, don't touch the handle. It's an automatic door open. It now it's going to close. Don't touch it. You just made it that handle. It's an automatic door open. It now it's gonna close. Don't touch it. You just made it take longer. You, it's gonna take longer now. No, just pull, you just have to pull the one thing, the whole seat comes forward.

You don't have to lean it. Don't they just reenact every time I've ever gotten to do an Uber Excel. All right. So now they turn to the bag. They get, they get into the escape mini pan. They turn to the bag. They get in the escape mini pan. They turn to the bag and they go, Adam, Katia, are you okay?

I'm like, oh, she has a name now. Wow. There you go. Oh, she got it. And they're like, yeah, we're fine. We were having a great dinner with Satan until you showed up and started chanting prayers and shooting lights and shit everywhere.

You assholes. Well, they ask Adam and Katia, hey, do you guys remember anything from the night club? And they're like, yeah, we did win Satan. The Prince of Darkness had a magical fight with these angels here. We do remember that. We do. It literally just happened. So yes, so they all go to the police station for reasons that are never explained. Now, when they get there, So yes, so they all go to the police station for reasons that I never explained. Now when they get there,

Codious family is there, right? They're all crying. Like apparently she was a runaway or something. They don't explain this. I'm guessing. That's right. All these things. No idea.

Her family's at the police department waiting for her. She walks into their arms and they leave, right? Come on, honey. We'll get you to a better movie. Let's get you in a sweater, huh? Let's get a sweater on you. Would you like to not be wearing a leather bra for me? Yes, you want to know that?

Yeah, a leather bra. All right, so yeah, so she leaves, she's done being in the movie. Lucky her. And Joseph takes his son, takes Adam into the police station. Now he does that. And then just as he leaves, Satan shows up in a Porsche because they had Porsche money, apparently. An angel Michael standing out there. He's like, oh, shit, is that the chili peppers are here? Yeah. I'm saying. I'm all the way down here and have a little staring contest with Satan for like three seconds.

I figure that'll give you enough time to. Yeah. I don't know what's happening now. Actually, I'm an angel and I don't know. You're going in the police station. As if that's it. Any of us knew what was going on before this, right? So yeah, so dad takes Adam into an interrogation room to have a father, son talk.

I'm. Is the dad a cop? What? What is happening at this point in the moon? Nobody has any idea. So presumably Michael the Angel was like, I guess go in the interrogation room and talk to each other and they get in there.

And it's a great moment. Adam and dad Joseph are like, all right, while we're in the interrogation room, you know what, I'm gonna go on this side. And why are you on that side? What's even happening right now? Why, what are we doing here? Yeah, and the movie doesn't bother

to ever let any of us in on it, right? So they just start having a dad's son fight about all the various unresolved elements of the story. Right? Like he's just like, you're a drunk dad. He's like, Oh, right. Yeah, it's act three. We have not resolved that at all halfway. Yeah, spoiler alert, this movie will not resolve why they're here. They will get out of it the way I get out of a citation needed sketch. Yeah. Because they're killing the character they will kill So but yeah, but first they have to have this big long whiny talk about dead mom atheism and and how and and and how

Prayer is useless and all that shit. Yeah, that's like look. I've done a lot of bad things I killed a guy earlier in the movie. Never really addressed that. Jesus, Jesus, you're stingly, keys, am I right? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, and Adam's like, motherfucker, I was a good Christian for years and I didn't even get an immortal mother out of it. So fuck, God, fuck is bullshit. And dad's like, look, man, I got the movie's almost over. There's a lot of credits here. I got to give the Bible the hard cell. Okay. You remember that guy that I killed in the ambulance. I do remember that.

Yeah. I just want to bring that up. Cause otherwise, otherwise we would not bring that up again. I just wanted to throw out that that was a part of the movie that we've since abandoned. Anyway, noted your good guy. And then Satan shows up, but not in the interrogation room. He shows up in the like one way mirror thing. Yeah. But, but they forgot about that. So we can see him right there. And Angel Michaels just like, oh man. All right, Satan's here. I have to let him argue with you from that other side room. Yeah, it's the rules. Satan starts harassing them. And I wanted them to be like, dude, you got to press the button.

We can't do that. Will you talk in that old time? But it doesn't, dead mom was a whore, right? He's like, yeah, sorry, eight to interrupt your heart to heart. Your wife was a whore, right? He's like, uh, sorry, I need to interrupt your heart to heart. Your wife was a whore. That's right. To a whore. We go whore.

And then that was it. That's actually a Republican. If you want to see her again, you're coming with me to help. And then dead has a heart attack and dies. Because this movie gets out of its plot problems the same way I get out of citation needed sketches. Yeah, no, so yeah, so we know it's a heart attack, by the way, because dad grabs his heart. Yeah, he turns to his son as he's dying, he goes, Adam, I need you to spend the rest of your life

trying to please my ridiculous religious police, or I'll have died for nothing. And then he's and then he dies, right? Yeah. And then Michael walks in and Adam is all clean, shaving again, which means he's Christian. And apparently he's also guitar guy at the funeral. Yeah. And by the way, we get a panning shot of this funeral every human at this funeral looks like the factory second version of a human. Right? Like, not quite.

God, and he's playing his stupid fucking guitar at this thing. I wanted it so bad for his techno band to be like playing the fiddle. Like, he gets through a little acoustic part and then it's like, bmm, bmm, bm, bm, bm, bm, bm. You know, they come in, no. But he, yeah, he's an acoustic Christian now. Yep. Yeah, exactly. He goes through this big long guitar thing.

You can see it, but at the funeral, we're like, oh, you're done, you're not in a Lyric system. It's weird that you would have gone through with that whole bridge twice. That was a nice little tune. Yeah. Like, I mean, playing a guitar that like,

making everyone at the funeral, listen to you play it, that's weird funeral behavior, isn't it? Absolutely. Okay, I mean, playing a guitar that like making everyone at the funeral, listen to you play it, that's weird funeral behavior, isn't it? I just absolutely. Okay. Good. Glad to hear it. Satan's about to show up and talk smack and he is definitely the second rudest person

at this funeral. Yeah. Right. So, okay. So the funeral ends. Adam's walking off Satan shows up and he's like, hey, uh, what's up? I, I'm, we haven't, I really resolved anything in this movie just because we killed off a character.

I guess we still have to finish it, right? Are we cool? Are we cool? I just, I feel like we left things on a weird place. I killed your dad at the police station. He still wanna work together because I like that cord you played. I still do. Like that.

So that's the fucked up thing about the, the movie has never work together because I like that chord you played. I still do like that. So that's the fucked up thing about the movie has never established to us that Adam has no memory of the fact that he was hanging out with Satan earlier, right? So this guy walks up and he's like, don't I know you? And I'm like, yeah, man, remember your dad came in and prayed and flashy lighted this, but no, apparently he has that was like a dream sequence

of some sort. Who the fagaz, yeah. Neither of the characters seem sure, because Satan's like, no, do you? I didn't even like, do you? I don't, I want to start paging through the script. No, because it says right here that you don't remember. But then you saw me inside the interrogation room killing. Oh, my God. Oh, right. Yeah. No, that wouldn't make it even the angel. Michael came in. So you

definitely know him. But yes, so he's bad. So the kid wanders off, doesn't take the devil's temptation. So the devil turns to leave, right? We think the movie's over, but no, dad's there and he's leveled up. Apparently now he's Joseph the white. And this and Satan's like, Oh, I can take the two of you, but the other angels are also there cleverly disguised as statues. And I love the one guy was like a baby angel. And so as he turns human, he's like, it's weird that they made me be a baby angel. I didn't think that one.

And so as he turns human, he's like, it's weird that they made me be a baby angel. I didn't think that one. So yes, so they they've talked shit to Satan. They like back him up to where he falls into a grave and then there's fire tubes and shit. Yep. And then they wrap everything up, right? And we see the dads reunited with dad mom. So it's a happy story. And just final touch, because this is the end of the movie and it will absolutely not matter

but it pans over and there's an old guy and the old guy goes, Why are my children fighting? Yeah when will my children ever learn? Yeah. Which I think is that supposed to be God? That's God yes. Because then the answer is this is your thing dude just boop no more hell like everybody can fuck Jerry fall well as wife like that's not

new bunny yep that was supposed to be God asking himself why he was such a fuck up and then by the way so we end on this nauseating drone shot. Right? Like the dirt. We see this drone shot lifting up. Oh God, so the guy was clearly just swinging. He'd never operated one of these before. They couldn't use more than one consecutive second of footage at a time. So it keeps fading out every second or so to new footage.

Yeah, yeah, vomited three times in the closing eight seconds of this film, which is two more than normal. So like this is particularly bad. That's honestly, that's probably how we should like instead of having like, you know, right in a movie, one to five stars. This was three vomits of three vomits out of five. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. All right. So while that's going to do it for our review of Adam's testament, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to make a prediction for next week. So Eli, tell us, what are you pretty sure is on deck. Well Noah he thought I don't know if you guys have noticed but our hate mail it's getting a little thin you'll notice that so we'll be taking on the men's rights documentary the red pill.

Oh lucky us all right so with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up a 265 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon don't just help make the show go up. You'd like to get yourself among there, right? You can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So that's got awful. And thereby you're in early access to an ad free version

of our re episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and by sharing the show in all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our simply shows the skating ideas, citations, D&D, minus and the skeptic ride available wherever podcast live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email me on cloudoffemewsandgmail.com. Linkless services for this podcast are provided by the law, if this is a P. Editor, TORRES, Timorops and Takes Care of our social media. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Nesslotnik, and we will travel to Son Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark, and once he was with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for a He's N.R.R. Bowsenek, I'm no illusions, promised to work hard or earn no check nice week until then. We'll leave you with breakfast club clothes The devil went down to Georgia and died of COVID. Yeah, no, he's old The guys who were supposed to be driving that ambulance very obviously got caught and went to jail for murder If the actress who played Katya is listening,

if you click on the upper right hand corner of your IMDB page, you can take movies off. I'm not going to those things are called. What's the thing? I just roll a, that old-time lifeguards have to yell into. Oh, what is it? A megaphone? Yes, but it's just a tube. Tube?

Tube. Hahaha. You mean like the things that like the cheerleaders have? Yes, exactly. Those. Yeah, I think the words tube. That's that's why the joke died. Yeah, I don't know if there's a word to turn for that.

Yeah. All right. No, thanks for editing this. Yeah. No problem. But preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved. Thank you.