God Awful Movies - 267: Rumors of Wars

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

This week, Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast joins us for an atheist review of "Rumors of Wars", the story of a Christian screenwriter thinking he was Christopher Nolan and winding up hopelessly confused and lost inside his own movie. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Hear more from Cecil here: https://dissonancepod.com/

The VO is happening right now. This is Roxy's voice, so it's in her journal. What we're hearing. That means her journal included her transcribing. You know what to do? While I was trying to write that definition, I did not mean to write that last word. And we can weather after the break and the cold.

Hahaha. It's your journal entry. Have a car commercial in it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God awful.

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Apparently they're delivering pizza in Chicago right the highway. Great. And unfortunately we're going to be without Eli this week. He's taking the episode off for his birthday but we're stoked to welcome back our special guest massacast host of the cognitive business podcast, that funny guy from citation needed and the guy most likely to make Eli regret taking the episode off. That was Cecil. You are here and see so welcome back, sir.

Thank you so much for having me without Eli on. I appreciate it. You and me. Appreciate it. Well, you've been requesting it for a long time. I think it was about time to pull the trigger. When I missed stuff, you introduced me. It's like, oh, he doesn't hear.

He's in the KKK. Great. Moving on. He should get those big, great insurugs. I don't, I don't think your jealous of C-SOUL's introduction. Yes. He's that right from scathing Atheist and get up a movie. Thank you.

All right, there we go. So tell us, I am from those. Oh, what will we be breaking down today? We watched rumors of wars. It's the story of the Antichrist, becoming a billionaire and trying to take over the world with RFID chips. So it's a Bill Gates biography written by Robert F. Kennedy

Jr. The movie. And it has not aged well. Let me tell you a so see so no how bad was this movie. I'm going to steal Eli Bosnick the way Eli Bosnick says this. If you like bad guy outfits from Captain America, but hate futuristic Venmo, you will love this movie guaranteed Also, well, just wherever.

Yeah, you just draw one of those in. If you want. Yeah, let's apply liberally. Okay. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be in the worst at? Yeah, I'm going with best worst

McGuffin. Yeah. So stupid. The whole movie is about Christian people trying to figure out why this evil corporation is forcing people to put a chip in their hand. And they try to make this diary into the key to unlocking the secret, but the secret is obviously just read the Bible.

So they keep trying to work in the diary, but every scene with the diary just has a Bible too, right next to it. They have to cross reference. And the diary just says like, yeah, man, see other Muguffin, I don't know, I did. Whatever. Why am I in the movie? The book of footnotes, yeah.

Well, and then winner doesn't do that. It's just completely random shit, right? Like the guy wrote his phone number in it, so the dude's looking for that guy. Like it randomly has something to do with the story after that. That's, that's, that's, they built a McGuffin to lead the characters to a second McGuffin.

For no reason. Oh, so bad. Okay. I was gonna go with best worst subtitles. They are so bad. Now, subtitles on peerflicks are a special, special thing to begin with, but this thing, like they got the proper form of your maybe five times total.

There may be twice the characters names were Eli asking their spelling variety. The punctuation was so sparse, you think they were paying extra for it. And for some damn reason, it was right justified to the center of the screen. So it was all just on the left half there. And it was fascinating. Mine was in web dings too.

The best part was when they tried to spell out the automatic Pia that they were doing. It was the best. When someone would say, when someone would say, or huh, it would spell, it would be like 16 characters long. Like, in your question at the screen. You guys, that guy was like, you guys were gonna swat into you. He was really ambitious.

Whoever was typing that out was just ambitious. It was amazing. All right. I'm gonna go with best worst use of a famous actor to tell a cow story. I thought that. I mean, what the fuck? I just run the cow story in the middle. And it has nothing to do with anything.

Nothing. Nothing. What the fuck? It's even a bad metaphor. It doesn't even mean anything and you watching. No, I'm sitting there thinking like, okay, he's really gonna hammer this cow story, right? That's not your making sense.

They brought in the big guns for the cow story. You think you're gonna get a good cow story? No, I have a theory on this. Okay, so Eric Roberts appears in this movie for like 90 fucking seconds for no goddamn reason to tell this cow story. And I honestly think this cow story is like just a talk he gives. Oh, right? Like this is just something he already does. He goes to conventions or something. He gives this is the opening of his talk. So he's like, all

right, guys, I'll give you 90 seconds, but it's going to have to be the speech that I already do. I'm not learning to shit for you. Right? I got this. I'm thinking they just did a sound test with Eric Roberts. You know, I tell a story or something and they're like, you know what? We got it. We got it.

That is so much better than what we wrote. All right, well, I'll tell you what, Heath and I have done exactly this movie 412 times already. So while we think of yet another way to skip this cat. We're gonna pause for a quick break. But we'll be back soon with all the clunky flashbacks that are rumors of wars. Hey Cecil, really appreciate you dropping by

with Eli off this week. Are you kidding? I'm actually kind of flattered that you thought I was funny enough to sub in for Eli on an episode. That's pretty awesome. We thought you were, what now? That I was,

Hey, did we, do we find somebody hairy enough to replace Eli on this week's manscape then? Yeah, did we ever. Oh, wow, season even hairier, great job, he's. Oh, okay, okay. You guys wanted me here because I'm hairy. Of course we did silly what the hairiest?

What do you think we wanted you here? I thought it was what was your theory? Actually, I'm embarrassed to admit. Well, I'd be embarrassed if I was as hairy as you too, so but don't worry. Now there's something you can do about it, especially now that Manscapes has released their brand new weed-wacker, noacker nose and ear hair trimmer.

And in your case, not a moment too soon. Okay, I am not entirely comfortable where this is going guys. I'm not. That's okay, Cecil. That's okay. Man skates proprietary skin safe technology helps prevent nicks, snags, and tugs in those delicate holes. Plus, the premium man skate weed whacker uses a 9,000 RPM motor power 360 degree rotary

blade system. And I know how much you love to know the degrees of your blades. And it's contour design enhances the trimming experience. I do like an enhanced trimming experience. I will say that. Well, it's even waterproof, which makes for easy operation and cleaning. And yes, you get a replaceable blade every three months to keep your weed whacking time clean and enjoyable. That's right. Fellas. 79% of partners pulled, emitted that long nose hair is a major turn off. And you've really got to worry about those other

21%. Super weird that you know that. And best of all, you can get 20% off and free shipping with the code awful at manskap.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manskap.com and use the code awful. What are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds. I did not know you guys were gonna make me the butt of the joke here. That is just, wow.

Well, dude, we asked you to stand in for Eli. Oh, you know what, it actually always makes sense now. That is fair. All right, now shoot us in the face. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha your carol to Pug of Pagokorn. I'm Carl the punky Pug of corn. And we're here to tell you about the importance of voting. That's right Noah, the importance of voting and how marsh did COVID. And I really, the guys, why would I say and I really like garlic bread? What is that? It's it's Carl's thing. I don't know, he likes garlic bread or something. Okay, but isn't it weird that I'd say that?

Like I don't- Don't try to make sense of it, Cecil, just roll with it, man. But why? I don't get why, though. Because I have no idea where the punchlines even are anymore, man. It's it's what? Usually can- And everything is a matter of reference to an inside bit about a call forward, now, so he lies been really writing the sketch

So long that we're nine layers deep in a Christopher Nolan script and I just keep mowling the words and hopes that somebody out there's been paying attention Along enough to understand where the internal references and then where I begin Okay Noah Noah. Are you okay? The shot pen thing was supposed to be bees Who the hell knew that why thing was supposed to be bees! Who the hell knew that? Why was it supposed to be bees? None of it makes any sense anymore. Okay, okay, just it's fine, it's fine. Okay.

And I really like garlic bread. You sure do, Carl? Lululu jinglea keys. Guan Dedach. What's stamps.com. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're gonna open up on either like a post-apocalyptic world or the Philippines.

But the subtitle says the future to clue us in to help us out there. Just to, you know, anytime in the future, that would never point next week in Detroit could be, you know, perfect for sure, for sure. Typing comes back in. Sorry, that was really big. Not like tomorrow. Or like, we're talking years, though.

I mean, like kind of, not too far, medium. Not to where we have to come up with new tech or anything. Yeah, I know. Call us on this in a podcast. We don't do well with times. Yeah, so we see a truck full of soldiers and I'm like, well, I still don't know if it's Detroit, the Philippines or the post apocalypse goddamn, but it's the post apocalypse. So we get this group of soldiers that are out like looking for Christian insurgent hostels

that haven't turned themselves into the one world government to be beast marked yet. Right. Right. Right. And they're all talking on their police scanner, but they sound, they sound like Stephen Hawking using a Johnny five plugin. Yes. It's the weirdest sound.

It's so strange. They did like triple Voke effects on it, so it's barely recognizable as words. It's so crazy. It doesn't sound like anything at all. As you auto tune the radio, we're doing exactly like cops talking to each other. That's weird. So while they're doing this, the one thing they say that stuck out to me over the radio, this is like the guy back at the base being like treachery in progress, corner of whatever

and whatever, is there rollin' around? What? And treachery in pro- They analyzed the emotional intent of some vandal who's like straight pain in the wall. Retrored? Retrored? Retrored? So at the same time that this is going on, of course, we cut into the treacherous Christians inside, right? Just trying to live their lives.

And one kid is going like, hey, maybe we should join the new world order. I love this kid, so God damn much because they tried to make an arc out of this kid, but then they gave up. Yeah. And he looks like a, like a reject from Slytherin. Doesn't he? Yeah. Doesn't look like a reject. Yeah. A hundred percent looks like that. And as soon as he comes on the screen, you know he's going to be a bad guy. From the first moment he speaks, you're up that can. That's going to be a bad guy. You know it. It's super easy to telegraph this shit.

Yeah. And we also pan across the whole group of just, you know, smudgy post-apocalypse Christian triple trade markets, like they're like playing poker with rubble for chips just passing that rubbing dirt on each other's faces just because that's what, hey, can you get my back? I want to be. Yeah, exactly. They don't want to be unevenly smudgy.

Also, so the kid comes and he says, the bad guys are right outside. Maybe we should join them. And there's this like one like whiz and Christian guys. But son, they'll brainwash you. You won't be able to think for yourself better to stay a check. Snotes Christian. So the music is saying life and death is supposed. The actor's sense of urgency says that we're going to be late for this field trip if everybody doesn't line up, right? No, two lines pick up the chairs. We're going to the all purpose room.

So, but yeah, but the bad guys, the alliance does manage to come in and like, you know, rustle up all these Christians, they get a mess. They're trying to scatter. Can we? Can we talk about the uniforms for the? Yes. Yes. Yes. We're don't, don't forget everybody, we're in the future anytime from now to now. And then like till wherever. Yeah, we're in the future anytime from now to now and then like till wherever, you know, infinity. We're in the future. The future is represented by turtle necks, strong turtle necks. Oh yeah.

We have our turtle necks and roller hockey pads, which they got to have some protection against the fish. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's a roller hockey. And then there's one Mr. Clean looking guy. He's clearly the evil one. The bald guy is currently the evil one. You know, you could see evil roller hockey instructor. That's what we're looking at. Yeah, we're shouting.

We all stop shouting. Jesus. Why are you all shouting? So yeah, that is two six six. He's important. We'll, uh, we'll, we'll come back to him. Yeah. And yes, all the bad guys have numbers. There's two six six, four, eight is also a major character. Well, me three, 20s is so fucking stupid. Who am I? Two, six, six. Oh, at the beginning. No, that's not working. Okay. That's a bad. Sure. I have to start lowered that high. All right. So we cut upstairs. There's still some rebels hiding out. But don't I have to start lowered it. That high. So we cut upstairs. There's still some rebels hiding out, but don't worry.

The alliance is clean and those guys up with smoke bombs, right? They're throwing smoke bombs in and just shooting all of the good guys as they walk out. Yeah, smoke bombs, the flashbang they bought it. Walgreens on sale. Oh my God. Through the fourth of July. It's on the clearance rack. It's seriously, you could buy this as a 10 year old.

It's the lamest smoke bomb you've ever seen. It's one of those smoke bombs where it doesn't even like forcefully shoot the smoke out. It kind of just hangs there like they lit a bunch of chalien sons. It's ridiculous. Yeah. See, so I got bad news for you. 10 year olds can buy all the rest of their weapons. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, that's fair. Okay. Now, I forgot this America. Yeah. Depends on this state, you know, Tennessee. Yeah. Yeah. So meanwhile, we have this one guy.

He like tries to run from the bad guys, but he's not faster than a bullet. So he doesn't make it very far, but he comes across the bitch he can't that was thinking about joining the bad guys and he's got this journal and he's like, hey, kid, keep my journal safe and then he dies. And then the bad guys coming around and he gets like, hey, I found this journal. That little can't are all over like a Trump campaign advisor. As soon as he came around the corner, He's like, what do I really want? What do you want me to do?

I'll do it. I'll do it. I'm an atheist. I'll suck an atheist dick right now. Watch, I'll tell you here's the answer. I'm gonna be care. Exactly. It's pretty fun too when the guy's like dying

and he's like, take my diary. It has the truth about the universe. And I want the kid to be like, no, he was though. He totally was. Totally. But yeah, so that leaves the journal, the McGuffin, in the hands of a different bad guy. This is 408. He's going to be our main character. And you could tell he wasn't, he wasn't a hundred percent into mass murdering these Christians earlier, right?

So, so our title screens don't get any more specific. This one says years earlier. It does say. And we cut to a jogger jogging jogglyce. This is by the way, why we brought C-Slan for this. And I will say excellent four foot technique. Well, there you go. Leaning the perfect amount to definite good arm swing on her.

Very nice technique. Got it. Good. Good to know. Sounds like a really complex sport. Yeah. It's a skill. So my self running so many.

So it's left, right, left, right. It is. I'll keep it up. That's mean. All right, so she's but as she's talking she hears news about an explosion in a military base near Chicago. That's all the details they give us by the way. Those lazy fuckers could not be bothered to look up a military base near Chicago. There is one. It's in Joaquin. It's 50 miles away from Chicago and it's Great Lakes Naval Academy. It is not an Air Force base. There is Air Force dead littered throughout this movie, but there's no Air Force that are stationed

there. So it's just a dogman. It's interesting. They didn't bother to look it up. So amazing. Question. Is that Air Force place a giant very clearly Chicago high rise building? Exactly what they show us. That's certainly did. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, I just I thought, wow, first scene we got jogging and Chicago season was the perfect. So yes, but one of the soldiers killed in that bombing was jogging girls, husband, very, very sad, right? Yeah. And there's a TV scene here with their interviewing a soldier. And I have a quote here, what the soldier says, the soldier says, it seems that the impact was through the roof. But at this time, we firmly believe it came

through the top. Like, the roof is the top. Why are you saying that? And that's what I'm saying. When you say, but it's to not agree with what you just said. Like, is it? You agree? It's the top.

Like, who wrote this? I mean, investigating the theory of a team of literal moles carrying the bomb through the top of the floor. We move that out. She was very unlikely when we set it out loud. Yeah. And this by the way, it's very confusing here, but this is all a flashback that she's having while she's jogging. Right. Yeah, that's. Flashes back to when her husband died in the bombing and then she flashes back to his funeral. And then we, we cut back to her jogging and she's like, and that's when it, like the military

got really bad. And we see like random soldiers behind her beating up random people for no discernible reason. Okay, just to give everybody the timeframe. I get this is now where what month stays minutes and seconds later from years earlier. So we were in a flashback in a flashback. So I can see why you were confused. It's years earlier than the future. Earlier.

That's all. So bad. What the fuck? Well, no, it could have been small, then, then it could still be in the future from now. I got it. Anyway, that's where we are. Got it. Any of the times. Yeah.

So, but eventually, so she finishes her jogging, she jogs her way all the way to her college history class, which means that she jogs for like her commute. She must just arrive at class smelling wonderful. Also, that is not Chicago. Fuck you. That's not Chicago. No, he's calling it Chicago. It's grand rapids. It's Michigan. Yes, it is. At cornerstone Christian university, I believe it is definitely not Chicago. Nope, but they're going to keep saying Chicago as long as they can get away with it. And also what the fuck is with her accent? Like her accent is so bad. It's like London, but like London, Ontario, not London.

Also, it's, I think she's going for British or, you know, British Ontario. But only for the nouns. All these selectively. Yeah. Which is a weird pick. See, and now I thought she was British and trying to do an American accent, but I couldn't. She almost hurt herself several times when she like started to bend out of it and was like, wow, her. Val. British. All right. So she gets to her, her history class. Again, we're still in a flashback from the future. She gets to her history class. And instead of learning history, there's a student advocate by the name of Lee Richardson. He'll be important later, who's there to tell us about the new RFID Satan, I mean, regular

chips that everyone's going to get in their hands now. This is normal chip. Everybody's going to get, you know, just for like meal plans and stuff. Yeah, I just want to be. What? Six what? Can we, do you say Mark at the beach dial back just a but okay, so he tells he turns to all of the kids at the students and he says And I quote please click the link on the main page of your server

The mind hold on. I'm just gonna run this phone cord to my AOL account. I'm excited to run in a second. The fuck are you talking about? I love how he sells it too, because he tries to sell it as, well, hey, guys, it's, you know, it's going to do this and this for you and this and this. You could pay with it and you get 20% off the bookstore and I think it can be a 20% off and I'm 180% marked up glorified notebook that the campus bookstore is selling as a required text that your fucking stupid professor put out there.

That's an amazing deal. Amazing deal. Thank you for upcharging me and then downcharging me afterwards with your stupid chip. Ask for us. A chip which is, it's a smartphone, right, man? You're just like, right? You have those. You're saying we put a smartphone in our, can we just keep using our phones? Yes, Apple Pay instead, like what the fuck?

Well, yeah, and that's what's so amazing about this, right? Because the whole Christian paranoia to scheme around 666 is this idea that they're gonna put some tracking device in you that you'll use to pay and blow it, but we just already all have that. We have all of those things you just described. So it just so undercuts the whole concept that they had in the left behind days, but they haven't updated it at all. Wait, I get it.

What I don't get is like cash money somehow crushes it. Like cash money has all the same problems as paying with your fucking weird chip and like you're still exploited for your labor, right? Like fucking what the fuck? Right. Well, right, right. Because the idea that they present later is that like, yes, but once you're dependent on the government for your money, then they can turn it off. It's like, yeah, well, they can already do that though, you know, yeah, no fucking clue. But yeah, but so, but her history professor isn't so sure about this implantable microchip, everyone's required to get. Oh, this professor is the greatest. So it starts with a shot of him and him being like super likable and interesting and insisive.

And he's like very clearly the part was like, yeah, it's a David Barton PhD. But it's played by like budget bill Pullman who's supposed to look nice and not look like a fucking cowboy costume from a children's store at Halloween. And he is the like libertarian, whatever conspiracy theory guy, but smart in a positive way. The movie is quite certain. Yeah, exactly. On the chalkboard behind him, it says like John F Kennedy is supposed to be a lesson about JFK. And one of the only notes on the board besides JFK's name is Lyndon Johnson killed Kennedy. What? I missed that.

I missed that. I missed that. I missed real. I also like to that the chip placement on this is on your, it's on your right hand. Just below your thumb in between your thumb and forefinger. And that is the perfect chip placement if you're a teenage boy. And it's like one of those self winding watches.

Yeah, right. Never run a power. It's never going to run out of power. It's just got to be waterproof in a last forever. Forever. Guaranteed. Run it after your dead. Are you kidding me?

Yeah, exactly. All right, so yeah, but the professor's not too sure about this chip thing. And so he starts yelling at the guy who's who's telling him about the chip. And he's like, get out of my classroom. He's like, okay, but they still have to get the, you know, still need to 20% off of their books and shit. He kicks them. Also, you know, just to be clear, this is a law.

Me leave, I'll leave, but he doesn't stop laws from being real. You're not like, nothing's happening right now when I leave just so you know. Yeah, right. Nothing will stop the Zern Corporation from implanting. It's like a fucking, it's, Zern is a faucet brand. I don't like what the fuck man. Yeah, so that guy leaves and he's just like, okay, fine. I'm out of here. Thanks for listening to my presentation from Zern Global Incorporated. Their logo is demon horns. Okay, bye.

And we see their logo for a second on his little projector. It's so stupid. It's like the most obvious demon horns coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Can I ask a question to you guys? Because you guys watch a lot of these movies. I thought professors were all bad. This is the first one that wasn't. Okay. All right. I just wanted to make sure. I'm just going to make sure.

I'm just going to make sure. This guy's in the intellectual dark web, but he's a genius. Yeah. And I mean, like Alex Jones origin story, I figured, would be like good things for them. Like they would like that, that sort of thing, but I just, I was, I've seen, I want to say four of these movies already that have had a professor in them that is clearly, it's clearly an evil person, right? It's clearly somebody who is constantly trying to, and so this is the first time I've ever seen a professor that's actually good, but, but it like, like he said, he's teaching, are you detained 102 or whatever?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was struck by the same things. He said, I believe this is the most sympathetic college professor we've ever seen in Christian film. Okay.

Oh, yeah. I thought they would show him in the faculty room and all the other professors just like flicking the back of his head and my phone is standing time to choose together. All right. So wait, I got to point out this one last line to excuse me. After everybody after the discern global guy leaves, he turns back to his students. He goes, and I quote, everybody pull out your tablets and your laptops and turned to page 39 of the internet. It's like computer tech in an 80s sitcom. It was so amazing.

All right, so we head back to like the future or whatever, where 408, that's the devil soldier guy who got the journal is standing over the burning book barrel or whatever and telling off 327 his subordinate soldier who doesn't seem as excited as he should be about burning bibles. Yeah, yeah. This is, this is the guy who sees like, he says something about, at a certain point he says they're throwing in stuff and one of the guys says something about these

books are dangerous. You know, the one says they are. I mean, clearly a question mark at the end of the guy looks at him. The hero of the movie looks at him. The supposed hero of the movie looks at him and says, excuse me. And the guy said, I mean, they are. Like he doesn't understand. Oh, my God.

I went down again. I didn't know I'm down. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. And then I went down. I'm a bad inflection guy. I don't know how to do this. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I sing all everything I say. Always ends on a high note. High note. High note. Yeah. So, oh, and I love to. Okay. This is all taking place in a in a grain elevator area. And so okay Low budget post apocalypse movies love mother fucking grain elevators

Like look where you'll see him everywhere in zombie movies nature because they always look like no one's touched him for 400 fucking years, right? I feel like they went around and like scouted for places and they were just like, ah, none of these have catwalks. We really need evil catwalks, right? And oh, and this is also where they play like the orientation video for all the new prisoner slash recruits.

Yeah, this is like, they put the orientation video on and they clearly have hologram technology. But again, the sound sounds like they ran it through noise reduction 400 times. It sounds so bad. It sounds so bad. It sounds like you recorded it on a media and then recorded on an old time, you reel the reel

and then stepped on the tape and then put it back old time, he reeled a reel and then stepped on the tape and then put it back digital. It's the worst sounding request. And you're like, the picture looks great, guys. What is wrong with the sound? Can't we change our focus a bit? I'll be a tech. Get somebody in here to tune this thing up.

You see a lawnmower, man? You know, that's bad, right? You know, that's bad, man. That's what's happening here. But yeah, it's this like beautiful attractive woman on the hologram being like, welcome to Zern Global, the hella Burton of the Apocalypse. And everyone's like, yeah, sweet free turtlenecks, woo.

And then she's just like, and the logo is not demon hands. It's just clear. It's a calf end of my speech. It's Philippian tubes, actually. And we're done. So feminist. All right. So now 408 and 266 God, this is so fucking stupid.

Are being debriefed about today's institutions. And this is where we meet their commander, who is the main character from War Room. He was also in courageous and a question of faith. And at least four other movies with titles so generically Christian that I honestly can't tell you if we've watched them or not. He's backflip guy, right?

He's backflip guy. Exactly. I have him down his command or backflip for the rest of the movie. That's all I remember for in that movie. His asshole friend being like, hey, everybody check it out. This is my friend.

He's black. No big deal. Do a backflip, man. Do a back out. This is my friend. He's black, no big deal. Do a backflip. Man, you're back. Yeah, exactly. That was him. So all right. So this is the scene where like he gets promoted. Right. So like bald guy, uh, two six six is his like rival that doesn't like him very much. But commander backflip in this scene promotes for a way to be two six sixes equal. I feel like you just say the rank, you know, but he says, I'm going to promote you to be the same rank as two six six. Oh, I'm going to be like a co manager. Yeah, what? I don't think I'm just like, you remember the office when there was the two co it didn't

work. The workplace flow. it's gonna be weird. And I still gonna do his performance review or. Right. Yes. How is this gonna work? So. So yeah, so two six storms off. He's very upset about this.

And then the commander commander backflip grabs 408. He puts his arm around him and he's like, you know, son, the premise of this movie is dot, dot, dot, right? This is line. Hold on. His line is amazing. Oh, you know, our mission is close at hand. We're near perfection at reaching our goal of a unified society than ever before.

And that is word for word. What I just read for you is word for word. Yet there are secret groups banding together creating distress is what he says after. None of that. I listen to it three times and I'm like, you're not using tenses rights. It's wrong. It's really wrong with that sentence. It's like, yeah, stroke mid sense. Okay. Well, point being now that you're co-manager, you are going to need to kidnap a lot more Christians to hit your corners. Yeah, that's right.

All that time. Yeah. Other number guy that I already forgot, like, there's a big fiscal corner for us. Just want to say, there's a big fiscal corner. He was mad because they killed him. He was mad that killed the Christians. He was mad. They killed the Christians. He wanted to convert the Christians. They gave them. Yeah, he got super mad at the, at Mr. Clean because he shot him. Yeah, Mr. Clean. Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of quota talk.

Oh, boss, just one last thing. Do we need the roller hockey pads for these meetings? Right now because we're just in an office, right? Oh, which way of the hockey pads for these meetings. Right now, because we're just in an office. Right. Oh, which where the hockey pads, God, he slips and falls on my wrist. Okay. I understand now. The risk guard. Yep. I broke it. I broke it. Wait, so right before 408 is about to leave though, the boss calls him back. He says, hold on one other thing. There's a trader in our midst and we need you to go kill him real quick. Now that you're promoted, you got to take out the trash now and again, right? So go kill three 27. You want me to kill him? It just seems like if you already know he's a traitor, go kill him.

I think you have to let her say, good trader. Oh, I hope it doesn't understand inflection guy. I hate that guy. I'm going to totally, it's totally. So I'm going to kill you. You understand I'm tearing it down. So he goes to 327s bunk 327 is it there? So he looks at his watch, which I shit you not says RF ID across the bottom in case you didn't get it Totally does And and he starts tracking the guy and of course it's a thing that tracks in movies So it's beeping and I'm like wait does this watch just always beep like that or and this is even worse is the beep coming from 327's hand tracker. Just a bunch of them sitting in that office. Okay, these beeps are crazy. They're not in the lineup. I can't get one done like this. I'm trying to do paperwork. I'm putting the

numbers and statements into the spreadsheet for the fiscal quarter. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship.

The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship.

The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. The ship. three 27 three 27 is reading his Bible. He turns to 408 and he goes, I knew they'd send you and he goes, really? How is like, well, you and the bald guy are the only other known characters. Really? I mean, I'm weird in flexion, guys, so it couldn't be me.

Weird that you know, it would be me. I just got promoted in the class. So you weren't there. I figured it was me. Be though. Yeah. Also, you're talking weird. Did you want to like spin around slowly in a chair?

And then say, I knew you'd come. I feel like that'd be more impactful for you. Oh, no, I just go straight into your room. You don't even have glasses. You're going to take off your mat. Okay. All right. All right. Well, then never mind that. But yeah. So 327 starts giving them the hard sell on explaining that no, it turns out that the Christians are actually the good guys and we're the bad guys Yeah, he says we persecute innocent people Shaw and thinking yeah, unlike the Bible He said they're reading the Bible. Yeah, well, that's that's his speech. Yeah That's his actual speech is like we're killing innocent people the Bible which I've been reading says we should not do that Yeah, the guys like you sure?

I know we just picked it up like an hour ago, but maybe turn to I know any other page And then you dashed the child No, we're good. We need to shoot this motherfucker. You are right Oh, you know, no, we're good. We need to shoot these motherfuckers. You are right. So, so yeah, so 408 shoot some in the chest, right? They weren't going to do heads in here, because they didn't want to upset Christian moms. We mentioned earlier that they do exchange the names for people.

So Shaw is 408, right? Whatever. This three to seven's name is Phoenix. Oh, I miss Phoenix. It's Phoenix because somebody just took writing Screenplays 102. Thank you very much. And we call that a metaphor.

And Phoenix, Cornerstone Christian Community College or whatever the hell that was. Yes. Anyway, I just wanted to point that out. Fucking stupid. Oh, man. His name is Jesus Christ 038

All right, so then we wind up back in like the modern day where Roxy that's the girl that was jogging at the beginning of the girl whose journal this is Roxy awakes to the terrible news about yet another explosion. This one in Miami also looked a lot like Grand Rapids Michigan. Really dead. So just to be clear here, the evil atheist plan is to slowly bomb low level suburban malls. Apparently. Yeah. Then global domination right after that. So you missed an important step.

They're going to bomb low-level suburban malls and then get newscasters to say things like, many people are pretty sure it's religious. It's religious. That's right. It's all religious. More after the break. Yeah. All right.

Well clearly this story is taking its fucking time, which means that, you know, the That's right. That's right. That's all we do now. More after the break. Yeah. Alright, well clearly this story is taking its fucking time which means that we have permission to do the same. So we're gonna take a quick break, but we're back in a flash with even more rumors of wars. 819-382 get in here. Ah yeah boss, what's up?

I need you guys to relieve one forty four and three twenty six and tell them to help five thirty nine and three seventy three at the perimeter. Yes, sir. Uh, sir. Yes, three eighty two. Well, sir, it's um, it's about the numbers. Not this again. Well, okay, it's just that, you know, I'm Dale. He's, he's Larry. You're not. No. No. Regular names actually have'm Dale. He's Larry, your man. No. Regular names actually have fewer syllables.

They're easy to remember. I just don't understand what advantage we gain from using the numbers. Yeah, right, right. And plus, there's gonna be a thousand of us and then I just become like zero, eight, 19. Do you put a zero in front of that? Right?

No, right? No, no, no, no. We've been over this. We've taken away your names and given your numbers like in the secret agent song. Oh, yeah, right? No, right? Dammit, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. He's right, yeah, we do. I don't understand. Damn it, 283, it's 382. Oh, I'm sorry. This is also the problem with what you do. You know, you know what, enough. We're doing the numbers because I said so

and that's all there is to it. Now, you two are dismissed. Yes, sir. Hey, 382. I'm not in the mood, 819. Tows on first base. God damn it. And we're back and we're gonna open up on 408 getting caught looking at the post-apocalypse

porn, i.e. a book. What are you doing? I was not sure I could off though. What What did you see what song of Solomon? Yeah Yeah, this guy's such a fucking idiot like nine times he gets caught reading this book I'm like turn your back to the door just read it in the bathroom. What the hell is wrong with you? Scan it into your phone or your hand or whatever man

Can you imagine if your porn was in your hand though that would be so You your neck would hurt so bad Yeah, I can't focus on this it's just hard to focus Need a selfie stick Just gonna get camera stabilization on this I can't remember what it was. I'm there. Yeah. Hey, can you hold this box? No, what?

All right. So then we cut back to the modern day, right? Or, you know, whatever the years before the future was earlier before the medium after. Yeah, exactly. So, so Roxy shows up at her history class and she has a new professor. Remember when she had poor man Mark Hamill there telling her all about how he was being detained and shit. Well, he's not here anymore. They've got this, we've got this evil professor. You can tell by the faux German British communist accent. He's talking so over the top silly just like hello. I'm your new history professor who is normal, normal, not evil.

Sorry, it's coughing. Wow, nope. Hello, history, atheist history. Nope, so just regular. I love it, so he's got a, he, you know, you're ready. He's got like a faux German accent. So he's like, hello, Sam. He's got like that like little squeak. And it sounds like what was she sounds like Nick Cage is a Brit and he sounds like Colonel Kling. It's like a dueling bad accent. It's the worst. It's so bad.

And yeah, and he's like, instead of having history class today, we're all going to go get our Mark of the Beast chips that you get yesterday. So just to be clear, Zern Global's plan, the company that is running the global domination, their plan for taking into the world is it involves fake history professors at this like you feel feels involved in my house outside Chicago.

It feels involved, right? Also, when you're a college student, you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I just, I pay $1,700 a credit hour, but yeah, let's end class early to go get hands up paypal when the problem sounds great. Yeah, fuck you. You bitch. You're my monkey for the next hour.

Fuck you. Yes. The fuck outta here. But they're all like, oh, Captain, my captain, and they stand up on the desk, and they don't get the chips. Like, I don't know, I didn't pay you for a field trip. Open a fucking book, asshole.

You're a terrible weird, like, yes, hello, say, how are you, asshole? Up there, teach me about US history, or are you detained 102, or whatever the fuck you were saying? Exactly, the fuck, man. They tell us about Germany in the 1930s, really quickly, you know, the professor, right? All right, so no, okay, so we cut to this line

where they're all waiting to get their chips, and it turns out that when Roxy and her friend get to the front of the line, it's that same guy from the history class that they kicked out yesterday, right? That was trying to get him. And he's flirting hardcore with Roxy. Yeah.

He's the student advocate for Zernglobal. What? And he brags about this. And he's like, my name's Lee Richardson. Here's my phone number. I'm a student advocate for Zerng, no big deal. So again, just to be clear, Zern Global also has student advocates at every college as part of their global

excuse. Who's like, what's the word? Fills like a lot of paperwork too, because at the certain point, they walk up and nobody has ever heard of Zern Global because as soon as they show up at the desk, the lady, that lady who was asking how much calories was in like a cliff bar earlier, whatever, is saying, and Zern Global is, and the guy never gets a chance to answer, but it's like, it's a faucet company trying to take over the world. Just fucking sign your sign, you're so late.

Get a free faucet and a chip in your hand. I like to be at least moderately familiar with the companies that insert electronics into my body. Tell me again. Listen, I've read a book. I know about big faucet. There are terms of service I have to sign. Can I just check a box? Like what's happening? Right. Yeah. So yeah, oh, and I love that we have to have to have the quick scene of the asshole behind them in line that, you know, it's trying to fuck up Lee Richards's flirting game. Yeah, he gets mad and he's like, all right, Daphne, Selma, let's go. Topical Scooby-Doo nailed it. And they're like, okay, well, it's, it's Velma.

But, uh, whenever we're getting this guy's phone number, he's a student advocate. I'm a ZER. I'm gonna fuck that up at him. Kill him. So much. So much. So much.

So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much.

So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. So much. Why am I even getting shit? What the fuck is that about? Why am I getting shit? I still do this dumbass pen. Are you kidding me? That's stupid.

I hate the apocalypse. Stupid. Filling out forms in triplicate. Really that's what you can't just get this fast track. This is what I want. Carpet paper. Really.

We have carbon paper. Okay. So yes, so they take her to the back and nurse ratchet is going to give her a mark of the beach. Right? Yeah. I'm like, she's so like cartoonishly evil about it. Absolutely. Yeah. It was either we're either going to insert a chipper and insert something else. else that's that's told me I don't know. Yeah, she might as well have the German accent too. Right. He fed you for you and he's like, all right, talking super evil. And there's like,

you're talking super evil. What's it? And then rocks, he's like, all right, well, I'm leaving. I'm the fuck out here. And this will not be the last time in this film that one of our heroes is going to escape from the bad guys by being like, I don't want to be in here anymore and then running away. Yeah, right? And they're like, okay, you know what, we planned for this. And they did though, because she runs out of the little area where all the chip shots

are happening. One guy is just standing there. Clearly this was his job. Yep. He was just like, we have a runner. Yep Zern Global has student advocates everywhere History professors everywhere and also a we have a runner guy well, but not a very effective one right because like

Despite having a dedicated guy who just wears an earpiece and looks menacingly at the runner. They don't catch her No, no just wears an earpiece and looks menacingly at the runner. They don't catch her. Nope. This guy sucks. She jog walks to safety. Absolutely. She barely, she doesn't even run. She kind of just briskly walks to her car.

Hey, do you ever do anything when I say we ever runner? Because I feel like this is my entire job. I want to be involved in something. Did you ever respond? I just say it and then this is new scene. I feel like I'm not going to even tell you guys the next time I have a runner. What would be the point? Yes.

What would you say I do here? All right. So meanwhile in the future, else while I guess we're future back at the grain. Yeah, back at the grain elevator. They've got a bunch of prisoners that they're going to execute, but first commander backflip that has an evil monologue that he'd like to do. You just feel for those people up there, though, too, because they're just, can you just kill me before your dumb speech? Can you shoot me before I am?

I'm going to throw your dumb fucking speech, too. It's like insult to injury. You know, I'll be atheist and get shot if you just skip the speech. He'll still do the speech. Oh wait, wait, so we haven't pointed this out yet. This is where they really drilled down on the fact that the symbol for the evil bad guy, Cabal,

is the calf. That's right. That's right. It's real sad. That's right. And he gives like a business MBA marketing little speech to his guys at the beginning of this before he does the shooting thing. He's like, yeah, so Zer and Global really wants us to like drill down on the branding.

So let's all just remember that the calf is our symbol. It's a golden. Everybody repeat after me. The calf is our symbol. The calf is our symbol. Oh, yeah, yeah, he does the call in response. I forgot about. Yeah, and then he goes into a way longer way to extend the call response to follow it up and everybody gets confused too. So he's

like, can a man build a city? And they're like, yes, sir, really? Can a man control his own destiny? Yes, sir. And then he's like, can a man pick up a calf? That was like, what man? What? What? Did you add a new one? You lost me on the third one. I know. And he gets so mad.

He's like, all right, fuck all you, the speech is done. You ruined my momentum. I grew up playing before this. Just kill him. I don't know. Oh, God, he starts yelling motivational speaker words to the point where at one point I shit you not. He yells the fucking Lexus slogan, right? And also too, by the way, I want to point out a take 33 minutes into this movie for a cop to kill a black guy. So say what you want

about the future, but this looks like progress to me. This looks like progress. They've been just killing white folks up until now. So you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. First black. So far future, I guess. Yeah. It's really far into the future. So they kill all the prisoners, right? They shoot all the prisoners after the speeches over. We cut over to a 408 and he's just not into this mass murder at all. Really. And then we cut back to all8 and he's just not into this mass murder at all, really. And then we cut back to all the people who have been shot and they just, they, they all died in such comfortable positions, all leaning so comfortably against one another. They look so great.

It's amazing. They look like 4 a.m. at a house party. You know what I mean? We're just kind of leaning on each other and happening and just, you know, yeah, we drank way too much, but I don't care. You're my bro. I'm just gonna lay on you for a little while That's what they look like yeah exactly dying child's post All right, so 408 goes in to see commander back flip things like hey man, do we have to like We have to do the evil monologue shooting all the guys thing all the time. There is no mercy in this dough job. He's done the chores.

Only one Irish that does that. Fuck you. 408. See you up. When I tell you to sweep the leg, you sweep the fucking leg. The fuck out of my office. Yeah, so you know, he basically, he says like, you know, okay, yeah, no mother fucker would kill people when I say it kill people. Now I know you're having doubts as to whether or not you're on the good guy side or the bad guy side.

Knowing that information, I'd like you to handle this interrogation and obtain some highly sensitive information. Right? Yeah. So fucking stupid. So they send him to like, because 266 that the bald guy is trying to interrogate a prisoner, but he can't get anything so they sent 408 to like relieve him like to Tag in or whatever Right and there's a guard outside of the interrogation room

Where I wait walks up to the garden. He's like Hey, so um as a torture going in there Saddest report and he's like pretty good. It's all right. Not bad medium medium torture So he goes in and he's like and this is so fucking stupid because he's been reading the book right the journal that he got earlier in the movie So he knows that Lee Richardson is involved somehow with Zernd global so So he goes in, he says, I already interrogated this prisoner. She told me Lee Richardson is their leader. Oh, you already interrogated her? What, why wouldn't you like put that on the spreadsheet?

Yeah. We're like, we're not like signed targeting people. And then we kill them. Yeah, that's really important that you thought, that's actually when, fuck am I doing in here? I'm gonna ask you all. And then we communicate to share the information

that we get, we both find more Christians to either convert or kill them. I don't know if you understand the process here, Gerald. What's going on? Listen, I am a co-manager. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, he's like, oh, okay, well, now I look like an asshole, so he storms off, he turns to him and he's like, well, finish her off then, right?

He's like, look at that or two, like, finish her off. Is she that close to coming? She looks like, I mean, she looks like she needs a minute still. I don't know, I'm gonna finish her off. I'll give it hell, but you know. All right, so now we're, we're back in the modern day. Roxie is pulling up to her apartment and dammit if there isn't a mysterious van

following her around now that she wouldn't get her chip. Right? Yeah. And we have that long thing where she looks at the van, looks back in her house, looks at the van. That's a scary looking van. They know I'm a main character. Nah, nah, it's really nothing.

It's right on it. And I have to point this out because I put a screen grab up it on my Facebook page. Keys jingle is literally the subtitle at this point. So happy. Yeah. So she's looking at the bench. She's like, are those the bad guys?

And then she noticed that it says, Zern global on the side of it. She's like, yeah get the bad guys. Oh my thoughts that was leaking, that makes sense. They're probably just, people plumbers, they're following me. I remember I go crazy, like Wario's in the van or whatever. Yeah, he looks like an evil version of the plan.

That's right. Yeah, that's all right. All right, so now, Roxy goes to see Brian. Who the fuck is Brian? You might be asking why did Cecil Noah and Heath, all the black dimension, this character named Brian whom we've been introduced to up to this point? No.

Nope. But he was like at the very opening when we first met her and she was having the flashback, we saw him like, look stalkerly at her at the funeral, but they never tell us who the fuck this guy is. Just a quick scene that's like seconds before Brian is here. Okay, and we're back. Right. Yeah.

So so Brian is some guy she knows who she's now going to see. Right. Yeah, he's a clean shaven Edward Snowden. I can't imagine. Yeah. That's what he looks like. That, so he looks like to me. But she tells him that she didn't get her mark of the beast. He's all freaked out.

Then she wants to know if he knows where Professor Dietrich lives. What the fuck kind of question? Who knows where their professors live? Why would he know that? I mean, I know he's Edward Snowden, so he probably can just like hack into something and then he'd add out the seriously. Like, who knows that shit? You're a creepy stalker?

Oh, hey, you're the creepy stalker. Do you know where the professor was? What? All right. I feel like this is personal attack on me. I don't think we were. Yeah. So it's like hung out there house and, you know,

we'd have like a philosophy dinner and smoke pot. Anyway, go ahead. Yeah. All right. You're a creepy, stuckery, call a chief. That's awesome. That's good. No, not so much. It's fine. It's mutual. He's still nowhere they live. So yeah, but security shows absurd global security shows up, but she's got to run out the window. She's got a bail. Yeah, but the cops though, knock before they break in and they didn't shoot. So again, progress here. Oh, yeah, some progress moving forward. For sure. And this is years before the future. So it's coming clip before. Yeah. All right,

but so she jogs over to Professor Dietrich's house. Good thing he lived nearby. We've got a runner. He's the guy outside the door. Well, now I'm out front. I'm just in the woods. Can I just help? I can trace her. I see her. Right? He's staying here and announce more runners. Who's there? It's fine. Fine. I can hate this job. All right. So she gets to this house though. And he's left a clue. He wrote a clue into that journal he gave her about where he would have hidden a secret SD card that had a video on it. Jesus fucking Christ. They know you can put those on websites, right? Or you could just hand her the fucking SD card when you handed her the McGuffin earlier

to get her to the this McGuffin. They get so many trails and McGuffins in this. It's so dumb. Yeah. She does figure it out though. She goes to the right place like when she shows up and she's really good at escape room. So she reads the right. Yeah.

The whole comments. She turns to the, oh, it's something about a light. And then so she fiddles with the light. And that's how she finds it is because she's like super smart or something or right. Yeah, exactly. It's just like the Davinci code. Yeah. Right. She's got an SD card and she puts it on. I'm honestly impressed. The movie didn't have like a five and a quarter floppy dress. And her just like, it's awesome. Smash it into the side of her phone and this drive that she had.

Just got a CD. She's, yeah, exactly. Hold on, hold on. I'm clicking on the server of my phone. Do you guys remember, do you guys remember that movie Strange Days where they had the, the, there's a specific type of media

from back in the day? God, what the fuck is that thing called? Beta Max. She's stopping a beta max into her phone. Oh, this is VHS. Come on, David. I know. All right.

I'm not going to solve the global conspiracy. Let's just end the movie. She's just holding the tape up to the light. Like, what do I do with this? But yeah, but so she puts this SD card in or phone so she can watch the video on it is how that works. And it's the dumbest fucking video. It's this professor just explaining things that are obviously true as if a conspiracy theory. Yeah, he's like, did you know that cell phones have a GPS?

I think he's just like, yeah, I know. How? Yep, what? I use Google Maps. Yeah, that's how I got to your house anyway. And then he says, did you know there's a chip in every phone? You can't remove it. Yeah, you can. You definitely can remove it.

You can remove all of the things from your phone. All the non-metaphysical things you can print you sure, you know, takes screwdriver or whatever. Get it out of here. But what good is the cell phone if, like, they present this as if it's some like super sinister thing that the cell phone company doesn't want you to know about, but like, what good is the cell phone if it doesn't know where it is? What the fuck are you talking about guys?

That's just a radio. Like your listening to the radio at that point is what you don't even. Wow. So yeah, but he's like, he's breaking open his phone and telling her all about what all of the crazy symbols mean on the chips and the devil and all of this shit. This is the good guy. This is're the devil and all of this shit. This is the good guy. This is like the wise Gandalf of this. Yeah. He also pops open his phone and he's like, see?

It has a logo on the inside with evil demon horns. They hit it on the inside of the phone, so nobody foils their plot. I've now foiled it. Now you know, yeah, go and figure out the movie. Oh, and we should point out. So she's sitting on this guy's back porch watching this. Meanwhile, we've got a runner guy is walking in the front door like, who I'm going to find her now, right? Yeah. At one point, don't, don't they say something like he's like, if they turn off your chip, right? He's not gonna turn it off the chip and he says, if they turn it off, you can't eat, you can't drive, and you can't sleep.

You can't sleep. What? What the what? Yeah, right. If they turn off your chip, they like mow the lawn next to your house. I'm the rest of your life. They give you a baby. They're just like, help me turn the chip away. Give me a baby.

Give me a look. I'm a newborn. Yeah. Yeah, they explain the other two. He's like, yeah, you won't be able to start your car without your chip. And you won't be able to make any purchases without it. But then yeah, that makes sense. Sleeping?

I don't get that one. I feel like they hold your ambian prescription at the pharmacist or what has happened? I don't get that at all. I didn't even understand that. They know those, but yeah, but she realizes she can't use a phone anymore. So she leaves the phone and runs off bad guy. You know, they got a runner. We've got a runner guy shows up at the back. We're just a minute too late and he only finds the phone with the video running. Uh-huh. For you.

Yeah. I mean, runs off is very generous. No, I think she walked seven steps and badly hit behind a tree. That's like thing. What happened? He's not gonna see. He's not gonna know. Shut up.

Shut up. I'm talking to myself. That's weird. All right. So we cut back to the future. And now two six six is taking a team out looking for Lee Richardson, that guy from the journal that for a way pretended some prisoner told him about keep up. Yeah. And we're listening to Roxy as the V.O. of the future. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And okay.. Okay, so 408 is reading the journal that is partially hers now that she wrote some stuff

in two. Right. And that's what's happened. Okay. Yeah, exactly. And he's such a fucking, again, this is your secret journal. He's reading it in the armored car, like hoping no one looks over there, right? Because two six X's is like, what are you reading?

And he's like, I'm in a, I gonna, I'm gonna, you know, again. It's only good. Scott, let's share this with the class if it's important. Did you bring a journal for everybody? What are these pages stuck together? Yeah. Look, Jeremiah.

So but luckily before he has to come up with an excuse for why you'd be reading that journal, he's saved by the bell, which is of course a sniper taking out their driver in their armored car. In their armored car. Noah, that was a dry for outs. Through the original sniper, taking out the driver of the armored car using like a sawdoth shotgun. Yeah, 10,000 yards. Yeah, I made it.

Shotgun. Yeah. Oh my God. So, and to give you an idea how little they're trying, right? They shoot through the armored car. Then the two six six tells us this case is like all units fall back. They're the only unit. It's just that they only had the one armored car. Yeah. And what and what you should do when you're getting when you're under sniper fire is get out

of your vehicle. You're armored car vehicle. That's what you should do. Make sure to do that. Yeah. And he says all units fall back, but they all moved forward. They don't have any. It's not like they have prepared defenses somewhere to fall back to. So awesome. He's just saying army work. Bravo. Echo. You're just saying, you know, that's not even starting. Not anything. Be. But, yeah, so apparently they were driving to a prison where they believed that Lee Richardson was and now the rebels have attacked them outside of that prison where Lee Richardson is.

Apparently. I think the rebels like had taken over that prison. It took me a while to understand what's happening here. But is that I think the rebels took over the prison, but Lee's still in a cell, which is weird. I don't know. We'll get to it, but it's just weird. It's a weird. Yeah. So they took over prison, freed all the prisoners and just stayed there. And they're not. Don't come out. And then we're now, don't come out from the later. They're just like, no man, we got a sicker.

We're going to throw on some stuff on the barbie. We're going to hang out. I don't know what you guys are doing. I just want to come join us or whatever. So, hey, there's some old toilet wines that go in from the big one. This is good. This sweet place makes a ramen noodles

from the commissary. That's all. So they're in some ramen noodles from the commissary. That's all. So they're in the, they're in this firefight with the sniper. Meanwhile, another kid runs and says, Hey, guys, the, the alliance is there. And everybody's just sitting around like, you know, I was wondering what all that gunfire was about. That's it. We're in that gunfight.

Are you guys okay? Yeah. So they decide to like join, I guess. Yeah, they do. They do a moment though where they do this sort of like really dramatic pause where the leader says, well, let's give him a and then he loads his gun. Warm welcome. Yeah, that's how you act when someone's attacking your company. You take yours for dramatic effect while that's going on. You know, it's just not clear. A lot of people are doing inflections weird.

You just say, one, welcome. I said, like, circus. Yeah. We're like, one welcome. Yeah. We shoot them. Oh, one welcome. That's what I said.

I don't know. Okay. Now, if you like, I don't know what to do. All right. So, 266 is bringing all the bad guys into the prison. I feel like I don't know what to do. All right, so two six six is bringing all the bad guys into the prison. 408 already has Lee Richardson. And then there's like a punchy fight where some guys are trying to save Lee Richardson. And there's a shooting fight where some people are trying to shoot to six six. And like right when you're thinking like, oh, wow, this might have an legitimate action

beat in it. The Lee Richardson characters to say everyone calm down, calm down. We can't afford this. Yeah. We really have this green silo paintball range for like 10 more minutes. That's a cut. Also every single hitting sound effect in that punch fight was exactly the same every single one.

There's five in the Wilhelm screen every time there's a punch. Exactly that. He is exactly that. Every single one is distinct and sounds exactly like the previous one. And there's five punches in a row, all from different angles. It's amazing. Just pan over. There's a guy slamming

a piece of ham and you said you said you said give him a warm welcome. I was making him. I was just warming up. Yeah. Now I see we're in a gunfight. So can you chill that gaffer out with those pork chops? That doesn't sound good. So yes, so Lee Richardson gives himself up, right? Yeah, and he also he adds like, okay, I'm gonna go with them. By the way, everybody on the Christian team, I left my Bible in my cell if you know what I mean. Yes. And the bad guys are like, okay, he boss should be like,

go get his Bible, that's not what I'm supposed to begin. No, we're new. Okay. Yeah, sorry, 10 more minutes with the range. Maybe I'll range where we go. Didn't the boss say we need more recruits? Now let's just go. Let's just go.

Yeah, right, right. Oh, we did, we did just find a whole bunch of, a whole bunch of the Christian. No, okay, all right. We're leaving now. All right. There was some having this ham. So yeah.

So, all right. So now we get this great moment, right? So we go, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, down a sidewalk at night in the dark, writing in her journal as she walks with a pencil. Yes. Okay. Okay. And they actually show us what she writes. Yes. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Her two sentences per page style. The most amazing. She's supposed to be like the detective piecing together the global conspiracy. She's writing down in pencil in the dark walking around Mark of the beast. Big space. Different new thought RFID dash control people. And then flex.

She's right. Want to do that. Yes. And that's it. That's the whole detective work. That's it. And that takes an entire page. Now, keep in mind that in the future our character our 408 is reading that and getting the story that we're watching in the movie. Yes, but yes, so she raised that down. She stops at earth's last fucking pay phone, apparently, right? And she calls Lee Richardson. And she's like, hey, you were telling me earlier about like some seminar that Zern Global was putting on. And he literally responds like, yeah, hey, is this your real number? Because Verizon's telling me it's a pay for what?

Do you own a pay for? I own a pay for it. That is so retro. I love it. So yeah, so he picks her up to take her to the big anti-Christ rally. She sure is impressed with his Pontiac. Seriously, no one in the world has a more appropriate car than a, it's like

a four cylinder trans-am with a timing problem. That is his car. When you hear it, come up, you can hear it's going, it's like chugging weird. It's like, and you're like, there's that car's clearly broken. Something's wrong with your car. He's driving the pay phone of cars. He's absolutely is. And he's so goddamn proud of it. You know what? And he's like, check out my 82 sports car.

I don't know. Well, it's sporty though. Rum, rum, rum, rum. She's like, yeah, sure. You don't have to go rum, rum, it's doing that on its own. That's the noise it makes. It's sporty though. Rum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum awesome my car. I feel like she would be impressed. Wouldn't she? When she got in the car with the Trans Am. Like, yeah, she sure would, man. Or when they rented the armored truck, they were also like, do you have an 82 Trans Am. They kind of goes, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It has a wet smokers call. Oh, then there's this amazing moment where they're they're driving to the seminar, right?

And he looks down and he sees that she's wearing a ring and he goes, so where is do you have where is your husband? And I'm like, oh my God, we're going to watch Heath flirt. Okay. I think you kind of nailed it. First, you know, he argues with her and wins, so you'll point him. Right? He's like, that's really an engagement ring.

And she's like, no, it's not. And he's like, yes, the fucking is. I know what it is. That's how he's saying engagement ring. And she's like, nope. And he's like, you're a liar, I win. Yep, yep. See, he does get the first point.

No, no, no, I'm single. I promise. And he's like, oh, okay. no, I'm single, I promise. And he's like, okay, well, I'm single too. Yeah, wink. I said wink out loud. Did you hear me say wink? I'm gonna die alone. Yes, yes.

I have a bow tie and an 82 trans am. So, I'm gonna be, I think I'm gonna be all right. Yeah. I'm assistant to be, I think I'm going to be all right. Yeah. Assistant to the regional student advocate for the global. That's pretty big deal. Pretty big deal. So yes, he brings you in. He brings you in and he's like, Hey, I reserve really awesome seats for us.

And by us, I mean you, because I'm the opening act and I got here three seconds before it started. That's right. Yeah. He runs right out the stage. That's right. Yeah. He runs right out the stage at that moment. Yeah. As an entertainer, I can say, fuck you Jesus Christ. Everyone's been having a heart attack back there, you asshole.

Yeah. What the fuck is going on? He runs out of the stage. And he comes out and he's just like, keep it going for the, the henchman staring at you from back of the stage. He's going for the henchman. Welcome to from the back of the stage, you're going to the henchman. Yeah. Welcome to Chip Fast, who's drinking tonight? All right. Nobody. Let's meet Mr. Zerr. And literally says Mr. Zerr, like it seems like I would have a first fucking name, right? Yeah.

Maybe some letters after his name. Yeah, but also, by the way, just want to point out the stage looks like an altar. That's the two banners on the side with a podium in the center that is clearly like got like Egyptian hieroglyphs on the front of it or whatever. I don't even know. There's some weird symbol, but it's a hundred percent an altar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They were not subtle with this. Not subtle and not subtle and a literal henchman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the mental state is just menist, menist, menist. Also, when he introduces him, he says he says he's a something of industry

and then he's like end of general business is what he said. Oh, yeah. He says he's a something of industry and then he's like, end of general business is what he said. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's not crazy. He says he's, he's a leader in technology and marketing and general business. He's also a master of business administration. I mean, we don't, nobody has any idea what the fuck you know, nonsense degree. No, nothing.

It's a bunch of buzzword bullshit. You know, man, fuck off. We do know about branding these horns, though. I will. We understand. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, so now I'm introducing a man who needs no introduction, which is good because we really didn't write out a backstory for him or anything.

Mr. Sir, totally not the anti Christ. And I was in for two surprises here. Number one, the anti-Christ did not have a European accent, right? So I felt like I owed somebody 50 bucks. And secondly, more importantly, oh, how delightful, it's Eric Roberts. Eric mother fucking Roberts is here. So exciting.

She's so good in, um, I fucking love his news. What did you guys like them in? He crushed it in that one thing. Oh, he's famous. Challenge to the listeners, name something other than the dark night that Eric Roberts is in that isn't this rumors of war. See, on to Raj has himself that doesn't count either. Ties in justified. He's a D.A. agent for. Okay. So I know that for sure. No fair.

You had a head start. I did. I did. This is where he tells his cow story, though. This is the cow story. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. This is Cecil's best words where he tells that bullshit story though. This is the cow story. Yep. Yeah. This is, this is Cecil's best words where he tells that bullshit story about how if you pick up a cow every day

from the dance board, you'd be able to pick up a full grown cow, which obviously wouldn't work. It was also heath. Heath. What do you call that exercise? The exercise of picking up a cow that weighs a little bit more every day. Yeah. Oh, come on, I got to get this. I got to get this. I'm so mad because I can't have the good hands. I know you have a fucking amazing meeting.

Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics.

Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Cowlithenics. Okay, I actually got an answer by the end of it, but yeah, yeah, yeah. I got all of a sudden, I'm so excited. Look at that. Yeah, so he's telling this story, which again, has nothing to do with anything. Like, there's a calf, right? That explains the horns sort of, it ties into that.

But like, you could tell me this entire movie had been sort of written around this piece of video and I would totally believe you Right like what what is the chip have to do with CrossFit? I don't get it. I don't know idea Like why like suddenly you can like your pee you can pee are your deadlifts better if you have a chip I don't understand what's happening and And his point is is that he didn't lift the cow every day. So Darni didn't stick with it. Fail. You lost. You can lost. You didn't do it. I think they heard that story about, you know, like the frog in the pot of hot water from inconvenient

truth that Al Gore tells the old story about that and just completely misunderstood it. And was like, no, and the frog never died. It turns in principle. And the frog becomes invisible. It turns in principle. And the frog becomes invisible, a strip of frog. Yeah. So maybe gay. I saw on a podcast.

Absolutely. So yes, so he throws out some buzzwords. And then after the show is we have Roxy Roxy, who is hiding from Zern Global, sitting in an empty theater all by her fucking self, waiting for the opening act of Zern Global to show back up to pick her up. So fucking stupid. So eventually Lee shows up and he's like,

Hey Roxy, I want to take you and introduce you to Mr. Zern. Well, does he have a name? No, Mr. Zern. Oh, does he have a name? No, Mr. Zern. It's Mr. Oh, it's Mr. Okay. That's still European or something. But she should have known there was something wrong because they didn't have two scenes with Eric Roberts. We could for that. So she gets to the back and they kidnap her and drag her into the interrogation

room in the theater. That's a bit right in the back of the theater. They go back there and they're like, hey, can we rearrange the green room to make it more ominous? Just for a minute, I don't need it for a long time. I just want to make it. I mean, we can really. You know, can you just, why ominous?

Just turn down, just turn the lights down a little. I just want to scare them. Check that. That's all that's where that's where you say, scare a woman. Yeah, I want to scare a woman is what I want to do. I want to frighten a woman. That's not weird.

Is it, is that weird? Okay, this is new. Okay. Hey, there's a runner guy. Do you think? All right. So they grab her and they drag her into the interrogation room and she turns to there's a runner guy and she says, where's Professor Dietrich?

And he turns her phone that has the video playing towards her still playing it. Yeah. Did he just happen on a loop? In case you like, you know what? She's gonna ask. She's totally gonna ask where he is and I'm gonna turn it. I'm gonna be like, oh, he's right here in my pocket. I wanted her to not ask the question for a while.

And it's just like, hey, so maybe you're curious about what happened to hold on your voice coming from your ass. Yeah, exactly. There's like a muffled sound coming from his chest pocket. And it's like, pull on. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Shut up, shut up, shut up, don't ask it. I'm gonna rewind it. Just wait, it's playing an ad.

It's on the ad. You're saying curious? Yeah. I can skip it. No, skip it. 50 and say, well, eight seconds now. Eight seconds, but my fingers too. Damn it. It won't. Oh, I can start. I can start. My fingers too.

It won't let you, you can't stop during this. It keeps going even the way. So. Okay. Now I'm, now I'm installing a new chocolate. This is great. I'm on mobile data. This is going to cost me fucking money.

I'm going on my thing. Yeah. So, so they grab her and then they chipper, right? They insert the chip into her hand and they're like, blah, blah, blah, we were the ones that were doing the bombings the whole time. She's like, why would you tell me that? It makes no sense. He's like, and it never will, but we're about to let you go, too.

Really? She's like, that also makes no sense. He's like, fuck it, we just, we, we, we don't have a movie really if we have you. I didn't really show. I can just leave. You're saying I can just leave?

So she just leaves. Are you gonna say we have a runner and then do nothing? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Yes, roll time. Yeah, I learned this in college. Am I being detained? Dammit, she knew to ask. Ah, she spells her name in lowercase letters too. We've got nothing. Well, they went all this movie scenes kind of bleed together and I have to put an act break somewhere. So they're damn it. But first let me give back to you the hard sell. Will the main characters buy themselves unable to affect the outcome of events as they are constrained by biblical prophecy? Will they all know this, but still try to affect the outcome anyway? Why the hell do these Christian filmmakers not realize that before they start making the god damn movies? Find out the answers to questions and more when we return for the pretty sure it's going to get a sequel conclusion of rumors of wars. All right, gentlemen.

Well, as I told you on the phone, my client would be delighted to take the role as he is Eric Roberts and he never turned down anything ever. No. No. It isn't talent that knited him the 579 IMDB entries and counting. I mean, come on. Wow. So if you've got a contract drawn up, I've literally have a rubber stamp right here, his signature on it.

I could just, well, you know, we thought we'd discuss payment first. I thought we worked all that out on the phone. Not exactly. To be honest, we just misled you about money to get year. How that is immoral. That's immoral. We're Christians, so we don't know what you mean by that.

Okay, that's fair. And that tracks for sure. Okay, so here's what we'd be willing to pay. You can, you can just say an amount really. Just slide a piece of paper, you know, sliding piece paper across, you know, that's everything. Okay. Uh, well, that right there is the most we can offer. There is nothing written on this.

No, no, correct. But it is worth a buy one, get one free at any correct, but it is worth a buy one, get one free at any firehouse sub franchise in the entire cut. Well, in the entire Northeast region, we know we're your client loves the Northeast region. Uh, guys, Eric Roberts is easy, but he's, he's not this easy. You sure? Um, not at all actually. Uh, how much movie do you need him for? Uh, like eight minutes, eight seconds, he said, four minutes, 30 seconds, three minutes, 84 seconds. But it's just footage of whatever he was already talking about when we turned on the camera. You know what? I can write around that.

I can do that. Deal. yeah, absolutely that'll fit. Ice, nice, okay. So he's never turned down anything. He has so many Nigerian boyfriends, so many. Wow. He was in a entourage. And we're back for more of this shit. I'm gonna be honest with you guys,

if you would stop this like five minutes in and you'd said Hey Noah, do you think there's gonna be a VO definition of false flag operation at some point in the movie? I want to say Dictionary I Literally happens. I would have nailed that. Yeah, no, that's what we're gonna open up on act three with a Roxie explaining false flag operation as the news tells us about more devastating explosions Yeah, so to be clear

The the VO is happening right now. So this is Roxie's voice. So it's in her journal. What we're hearing That means her journal included her Dictionary definition Yeah her journal included her dictionary definition. And also her transcribing. You know what to do is was on while I was trying to write that definition. I did not mean to write that last. And we can weather after the break. And.

So your journal entry have a car commercial. and we can weather after the break. And the internet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the mysterious Bible passage, Isaiah 96, which apparently says the government is going to try to kill Jesus with the MMR vaccine. There's something like that. Yeah, right. He says it though as Isaiah 96 first. He's like Isaiah 96. Yes. And that guy played for the Piston. So that's not the way.

He's a different guy. And he was every bit as good as Michael Jordan. He would be happy to tell you that. So yeah. So and by the way, this is so fucking stupid because apparently we're supposed to believe that this character that 408, you know, grew up in a world where he doesn't know what a Bible is and doesn't recognize Isaiah 9.6 is having any meaning. But like when they find Lee Richardson, he's not old. Yeah, I know. He's like, it's just dirty. Yeah. It's dirty. Much, not it. Yeah, it's much. But he's not like older at all. He's the

same. He Richardson. He's sitting for the whole. It's maybe a little, a little extra beard gross. Maybe he could man scape a little better. Yeah. Off the at checkout. Whatever. Well, the future was a few days later in Detroit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There you go. So all right. So now 408 has to interrogate Lee Richardson, right? 266 has been trying, but he can't get anything out of him no matter how hard he punches. Right. So they're like, for a way, it's like like I can do it boss. I have a very specific set of skills. Yeah, his skills are I can slam him up the wall and I was like, man, I didn't think of that. Oh, slam him again.

He's a fucking innovator this guy over there. So smart. Do a ball. It was right there. I was like, you know, right? Yeah. Seems so obvious now that he's done it. So he demands to know what Isaiah 9.6 is, right?

He says, who is Isaiah 96? Like some kind of secret agent named Isaiah. He says, he's at Lee Richardson is like, wow, you're stupid. He's a nine six from the Bible. You heard of the Bible? No, okay. All right, weird. And then he pulls out the journal. And he goes, like, are you part of this McGuffin

or what, damn it, your phone number's in it. And he's like, yeah, no, I recognize that journal and he's like, that's good enough for me. So he turns around and he shoots a commander back flip and 266 and halls ass with Lee Richardson. He's going to break them out because he's Christian now, I guess. Why didn't he ask Lee Richardson? Are you Lee Richardson 55512124? Are you?

Exactly. So they wrote up, I guess he kills Commander Backflip. He shoots two six sixes ahead, but not in a bad way, not in a like a permanent way. Yeah, he shoots him. He shoots him. It clearly shoots him in the chest, but the guy looks up to six sixes looks up and he's just got a hand wound. Oh, is that what he looks like?

He totally shoots him in the hand, but at a certain point when they come when they hand to two six six on the ground, scowling, he's got a hand wound. I guess he's holding his on. Oh, he caught the bullet. It is what it is. He caught must have caught it really good. Yeah. That's not your shawl and monk or whatever. So they run off and now for a way it has to pull out his tracker. And I love this, because I'm thinking like, oh, go through the nose like a total recall. No, he pulls out this giant knife. And he's like, all right,

I'm gonna cut out my tracker right now. That's not a knife. Well, that's like a side sword. Are you kidding me? People will just hang out. And he's like, and I'm just thinking about stuff. I'm like choke up on them.

I'm gonna fuck your leg. It's like a sits-up 25 inch I'm like, choke up on them. I'm not the fuck you're like, it's like a, it's a 25 inch blade. Dude. Is that the Damascus sword from Soul Calibur? It's a hit. Exactly. Just use like a safety pin, man. I have a safety pin.

It's right on the surface. It's just, it's that. We're gonna crack an aisle, Dundee. Looks at it. No, okay. No, you got it. No, that is a hundred percent of that. Yeah, no, that's big. Yeah.

All right. So else while Roxy is sitting in an empty classroom journaling because they can't think anything to do with this character at all except for how we're writing in this stupid bucket journal. And then Ryan, remember Brian, the really important character Brian, yeah, who had the backstory at where it snowed. Yeah, he walks in and he's like, Hey, yeah, I figured you'd be alone in this room. I need to talk to you.

So what happened at the thing last night, the big gala. And she explains that they they held her down and they chipped her and revealed their evil plot. And then just let me go, which is kind of weird, pretty stupid. They just, they go. Well, it's definitely going to win. Just then fucking professor Dietrich shows up. And they're like, yeah, he's, he's like, go, well, they let me go to like why he's like, we really, we're not going to explain it at all Do you show there's no reason for you to ask like they apply for half the movie that that dude has been ice yes And then he just shows up out of nowhere. No, I'm good. I'm fine. I know I was up in the wall for house They were smothered it was good their potatoes were good and I just left smothered yeah, you gotta hear yeah, I gotta say it's only when I know

I was trying to improvise my order and I could Anyway, I had to walk out of shits, but what did I miss was any chip stuff? Any evil henchmen or anything that I missed? Yeah. Oh, by the way, so like Professor Dietrich shows up and he's like, oh, it's all a big plot from the Illuminati. And Brian meanwhile is fucking speed reading the Bible looking for clues. Yes.

Right. And also by the way, they're going to continue like these guys, these Christians, they unironically want us to know that bad people are puppet masters. Are you serious? Are you serious? Did you read that book? You didn't read it. Did you? No, you just page through it quickly like Edward Snowden's doing right now. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Exactly. She's like, why did they let us go? And he's like, oh, they're here. And she's like, really, we're not even gonna throw the question out and then not answer.

That's lazy. That's just fucking lazy. The movie no-and-it-self. Yeah. Right, right, yeah. And it leaves that scene all together. Right, it gets out of that scene twice. It's like, oh, the bad guys are here,

and we're going back to the future apparently. So we cut back to Lee and 408 on the lamb, right? This is where 408 explains how we got the journal, which is so stupid because it's just like, well, I found it on the ground and I picked it up, right? That's the whole story. Yeah, and Lee, of course, it's like, was there a girl sort of dead and curled up around the journal

when you found it? I need closure. I need closure. I'm Lee Richardson, by the way. I don't know if you knew me. From Fort Lee, Lee Richardson? Oh, we'll get to it. I worked for Stern Global as a student advocate.

Can we have a big deal around here? Pretty big deal around here. Kind of car to you drive. So we're still under Trans Am with a little cloth. Little cloth? Yeah. Kind of sounds like this. Put it on the back.

Yeah. Come on, fuck. I love to. We're out here in the woods. I love you. We're out here in the woods. I love you. He's like Lee Richardson is explaining all the the Bible codes that that Roxy is put into her journal.

And he's like, these are all prophecies. He's like, what do you mean prophecies? He's like, all of these prophecies have either come true or will come true soon. I'm like, oh, yeah, nailed it. Yeah. I say apparently wrote down what Jesus was going to look like in a sealed envelope. I'm trying to fucking nail it a few pages later. He's holding it to his head like Karnak. it to his head like Karnak and tell people that God. Yeah. So yeah, no, he says it's like, it's pretty amazing actually.

I say at nine six is a pretty solid prediction of what's going to happen later in the book. He's like, that's not that's foreshadowing, man. Not a pretty anyway, moving on. Yeah, they are. It's a fiction. They made it all up. So you can just write whatever you want and say it was true. That's how it works. It also

literally says in Isaiah 9.6 that Jesus is going to be called counselor. Yep, it does. You ever hear anybody call him counselor, Christ? Oh, I'm sure somebody did it just so that they could win that argument at some point. So he's like, yeah, so how did you know the girl who owned this journal? So then we flash back to how he knew the girl who owned the journal. So we've got the alliance, right? They're taking over the campus. And Brian, who was leaping through the Bible,

he's like, hey guys, I just figured this out. I know this is gonna come as quite a shock to you, but that Zern logo of the devil horns, it turns out that those are devil horns What You mean like the second beast but just like the second beast from the book of Revelation That's all in that book and you made it all the way to the end that quick This you sure that's not just like Texas long horns or something

no no devil definitely the devil sure it's not just the logo for a faucet company I didn't say that those aren't mutually exclusive all right so and then what I love about this is that this movie is trading this like it's some huge reveal that we the viewers haven't figured out yet. Yeah. Right. They're like, Oh my God, guys, the hand just like the mark of the beast. The hand. Right. And Brian explains also that like, Oh, no, this is definitely the second beast who makes everyone worship the first beast in revelation. So the theory is that in Revelation. So the theory is that Zern Global is going to make everybody worship a fucking Kraken. That's the first time. You think the Kraken would have been on the news by now? There's a Kraken in one of those reports. So the nine headed Kraken with too many crowns.

It's going to catch the eye. The way they explain it too to is they say they say, well, it's either on the right hand or the forehead. I'm thinking, man, if you're an amputee, it just sucks in the future because you got to swipe your head every way. You're just constantly like, not did it go off again? Beep. Now fuck it. I got it. I had a gun. Mother fucker. Just holds your head up against the pain. I love the every fucking Christian movie, every apocalypse movie has to deal with that problem and none of them ever actually get, like, let us watch that process take place. But people trying to share music just headbutting each other.

No, wait, I'm not here. No, I took this really cool picture. Let me share with you. Damn. God, no, didn't get it. Damn, I didn't get it. No. You know what, I'm low. Do we do you have reverse charging? So we just smash our heads together for a minute. Let't get it. Okay. No. You know what I'm low? Do we do you have reverse charging?

So we just smash our heads together for a minute. Oh, so there's a there's a great moment to like a great little line at the end right where they're like, oh, he's the second beast that tells everybody to worship the first piece. And then Roxie says, well, then who's the beast? And the bad guys come in just then end the scene, but it made me think about it like a reboot We're Satan shows up and has to be Judith lights housekeeper Right that would be so good But fallen Angela So all right, so but now they've been Oh, please, listen. All right.

So, all right. So, but now they've been, Jesus fucking Christ. Tony Danza still in it though. Like, is he still in it? Oh, I would think.

And he's doing something. Yeah, Tony Danza was doing something. He was busy. He was in that movie with Sarah Crobert. Thank you. Maybe. All right. So, so wait, so check this bullshit out. Now the alliance have recaptured Professor Dietrich and Roxy who they let go two scenes ago for no goddamn reason.

Yeah. Very much let them go. Yeah, they didn't, sorry, we didn't have holding cells, but now we do. We cleared the green room out from the interrogation right now. Right back there. We figured you were already interrogated. Now you had the chip. Yeah. But luckily for Roxy, Brian knows the old push the bad guys over and run trick. That is true. That is true. Yeah. He does it so slide too. He's like, oh, thanks. Thanks for keeping the peace guys. Just curious. What if I were to show you?

Well, it works for a moment, but you know, hey, they have a guy for runners. Unfortunately, they have too many of them at this point to like all five. Oh, you're right, you guys are just like looking at each other like you're going to do. You got to get it. Oh, is it me? Am I? Sorry. See, this is why we can't become managers of we got it on.

We're going to be a leadership. In three minutes, I take my 15. This one's yours. I'm not doing. Oh, you're on your 15 right now? No, three minutes. I take my 15 Yeah, okay. Yeah, who's 15 is it now? I don't know. I think it's bills bill 264. It's 264. He's not 264. Yeah, four. Yeah

All right, so we just so but of course by then they've got to head start the main it's a runner guy almost has to drop on them, but just then Lee shows up with the star of the movie that sweet ass trans am a piece. It's like the fucking it's like the the tyrannosaurus and Jurassic Park. No, guys, they want to see it come back. They want to see it again. His puters trans am saves the day.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Okay. To be clear, he became a good guy here because he accidentally ran over a bad guy. Right. I think he intentionally ran over the bad guy. Yeah. I think he came, he had to change a heart after they forcefully stuck a chip in her like he'd been doing all day. I don't know. Right. I'm not sure what happened. And I will say you totally could do this move. You could take that guy out with your trans amp, but then the one headlight would stick upward for the rest of the time you own the fucking thing and there's nothing you can do about

it. I just want to point that out. Do people have a lot of trouble with that? Like my normal car with headlights just getting fucked up all the time because there's not a cover that closes It looked cool. It looked pretty fucking cool. All right, so So and then okay, this scene is so weird right so he's like he runs over the that we've got a runner guy And he's like get in get in guys and they're like are you sure you can fit three people in that impractical ass car I hear so it's like not technically, yes, technically they'll fit.

So they all drive in it, they get in it, and he takes them to a cemetery, and he goes, well, this is as far as I can take you guys, and I'm like, oh, he's gonna kill him. But no, no, that's just the line. He said when he got to the cemetery, they're all like, oh, is this a murk? You didn't even put that together.

Okay, nevermind, all right, this literally it's just a murk. You didn't even put that together. Okay, never mind. All right, this literally is how far you can take it. I think we've made it to the end of the lie. No, seriously, this is as far out as the train goes. What? Don't use metaphors, you're gonna get confused each time. Yeah. So yeah, he takes them to the cemetery.

He's like, I can't take you any further than this. This is as far as you go. This will be the end of this film. Don't worry, we're real competent. We'll get a sequel. So I take you farther, but I didn't lift you up every day for your whole life. I'm so can't carry you anywhere. So so long.

Yeah, so and before he leaves, he's like, oh, and by the way, you guys might want to try to take the tracking devices that are inserted into your hands out. Like, yeah, we were gunna, but yeah, yeah, best bet, like chop off your arm. Maybe your entire body of you have a giant bastard sword of some sort. Ryan Bastard sort of some sort. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So future Lee wraps up this story.

Well he and 408 are meander and together down a country road. And right then he's like, so, hey, so 408, how did you wind up being a Christian? He's like, yeah, the movie, like it just, just sort of happened off screen, I guess it was really weird. And just then before he asked actually, like, it was really, really, and just then before he asked actually, like, detail that story, a random good guy shows up and says, Hey, you guys happened upon our Christian refugee camp. Yeah, exactly.

Good job. But this guy though, he comes out of the bushes and he says, I've been tracking you for over a half a mile, but then I quickly ran ahead of you to hide in these bushes. I'm obviously, come out of them. I've been tracking you. I've been tracking you. I don't know. Maybe you have a girlfriend. Do you ship on you and think about?

I don't know. You know, and they're like, were you just walking around the woods at night randomly? Yeah. How long have you been following us? Because we had a little romantic moments. Yeah. How long? How long you've been following us because we had a little romantic moment. Trans-am. Nope. My favorite card to you. So he's like, he's like, yeah, let's, let's all go to our Christian Hubble. Who are you guys? And Lee Richardson says, well, I'm Lee

Richardson. And everybody's like, oh, fuck, it's Lee Richardson. Holy shit, guys. Bill Braski. Yeah. Bill Braski of this. He's John Conor and Bill Braski of this movie. the richerson holy shit guys bill broskey yes bill broskey of the speech john conneran bill broskey of this movie but they he's he's he's he's he's clearly the norm of Christianity they never explain why right like and and I think honestly that the only reason they wrote this into this movie was a way of saying like see some of Christianity's best friends are black you know because otherwise I don't see what purpose it serves. Right. Right.

I can't figure it out either, but he's, but he's basically like, he is normed because as soon as they walk in this, everybody's like, norm. Well, it's going on. Yeah. So yeah, so he goes in and we have another group of smudgy Christian squatters, right? And 408 is going to be their honored guest. They're going to have Christian squatters, right? And 408 is gonna be their honored guest. They're gonna have a little sermon, right? So we have chick that very clearly wants

to fuck the shit out of Lee Richardson. Oh, yeah. And she's gonna give us the sermon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Essential. Yeah. She's got a kimono on somehow. Everybody else is all smudged up

and she's got this like gorgeous thing going on. Yeah, it's got a small basket of fruit just. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and she gives this speech, good design decision. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Guys, it's Lee fucking Richardson. Can you believe it? Lee fucking Richardson. And everybody's like, yeah, that's, you know, I see entire script for the last 10 minutes. We got to go back to the earth. And then he's supposed to give a fascinating lecture about the Bible being true to everybody

and get them all amped up, but that lecture does not exist. Right, yes. So they have to just cut straight to violin music and montage it and we just see his lips moving. Yep. He's just, he's got a Bible in his hand and he's gesticulating and that's it. That's you get. Exactly. Exactly. And then he turns to four away. He says, and I'm particularly thankful to my friend four away. Got to admit, no idea why this sworn enemy of our religion who is actively trying to exterminate us helped us and

brought me here. I have not bothered to ask him before Bringing him here to you guys. So hey, do you want to you want to tell us are you You legit you Christian now or you are you or oh wait, please stand up and explain the movie and explain the movie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Then I found this diary and it said not on. I was like, wow, I never thought about not on before And I saw a mel Gibson video Atheist army right yeah And then because this movie knows it's been making us fuck around for too long during the you're one of us your Christian now hug 408 feels the tracker that they've planted on Lee and the bad guys are right there

It's really got soft fingertips or something He's like a cancer-sniffing thought. He finds that instantly amazing. It's a waterproof bandaid for Beastings, right, for kids? That's what that was, right? That's what it was. Okay. How did you find that? I was, I always felt it. Be early. Pressing your back. Clearly. And I felt it. I found it because I've memorized every curve on your body. And I felt it. I found it because I've memorized every curve on your Say I really love transams. I don't know if I mentioned that Alright, so now it's time for a night chase through the woods. No, it isn't

They didn't have that kind of money. Well, a lot of shooting Yeah, so like seconds after this chase begins they realize how hard chase scene is to film and they catch 408 and leap, right? And 266 has to give his monologue about how Christians make great slaves and their women make great prostitutes. And I'm like, Oh, have you been reading the Bible? Cause it suggests that exactly. Yeah, right. Tricky with the prostitutes. You can't pay him because the government knows you spent chip money on it. So yeah, so no, he turns to a 408, right?

And he puts a hold of gun to his head. And he's like, he'll the calf, which is like, you know, give obeisance to, to Zer and global or whatever. He's like, no, I am Spartacus. And the guy's like, I don't get the reference. I'm like, right, we don't have TV players in this future. I'm Christian now though. Feels like you're gonna shoot me either way. Yeah, yeah.

Right, right. No, I'm not gonna hail the calf. Can you pick up a calf? Yeah. Now we're gonna do the call of a spot, God damn it. Yeah, I have a strategy. Let me tell you really quick. Yeah.

Just give me the lifetime of a calf when I am gonna kick your ass. So, but then yes, a gunshot rings out, but wouldn't you know, and it was somebody shooting two, six, six from behind. I'm like, I wrote my notes like, please turn around and see Jesus armed to the teeth. Please turn around and see Jesus armed to the teeth. No, it's who the fuck even knows an under five screams. It's the rebels, right? Because that way we have some fucking clue what just happened. But yeah,

right. Right. The rebels just came and saved them at the last second. Yeah, it's La Raison's thoughts from, uh, from that jail. It's the guys. The guys just like, I will give him a warm welcome. Oh, this is the old because he paused so long. This is when they finally figured out what it meant. I got it. Okay. So, yeah.

So the rebels all run at the evil atheist army guys and They they clearly didn't script this part. They definitely let all those under fives improvise the chase yelling Just so like 20 guys being like gun shooting you bang bang guns. Pew pew. I chase you now. I chase you. You chase my passively freedom. And there's some people in the background that don't actually know if the camera's running or not.

So they're kind of like, should I keep moving or no, do I? Like I might, should I come back to the camera and we'll try it again. Second take. What's going on? Communicate. Use that little microphone. Still rolling. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So it's the Christians win the everyone just stands across from each other and shoots in each other and fight. But damn it if lead doesn't get

dramatically killed or I'm sorry, not quite killed. He gets like, you know, last words killed the just like nine words left in him after they shoot him or whatever. And then the lady, the, the kimono lady just has this amazing meltdown, like she's going to win best grieving scene for a pure, like, some ward later on right here. She is wailing on his corpse. She is just going to town. And then oh, so we cut one last time back to the Roxy flashback, right? She's visiting her husband's grave.

And I just, one small fucking point, like, she's got a photograph of him at the graveside and it's the same photograph that we had of him earlier, which is also the photograph that she put in the book, because this is the one photograph of her husband that exists. It's all pixelated because you blew the one photograph of her husband that exists. Watch. So pixelated because you blew it up from that. Also, it's clearly, it's sitting outside this entire time, but it's clearly on like a cheap fucking hobby lobby bookshelf frame. It's not a large frame.

It's like a, just a fucking frame would be a fucking, it would be a mess if you went out there. Yeah. It's definitely coming apart. It's a rhombus kind of. It's like an expressionist photograph. Yeah. So, so yes, so she breaks the photograph, right? And they pick up the pieces of glass to cut out their chips, their, their mark of the

beast chips, her and Brian, the funeral stalker character that we never properly introduced. Right? And of course, Christians can't handle that. So that's all happening below the frame lines. They're all just going, ooh, ooh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, then they drop the chips and they're like two motherboard sizes. You're fucking huge. That was in your hand.

That's the size of your palm. Like what the fuck is happening? I love Brian's reaction to that. She like cracks the photo and grabs pieces of glass. And she's like, uh, Brian, can you do it? And he's like, what? For this this chip, can we use something different? You fucking psychopath. I have a lawn mower at home. Might be better. All right.

So, okay. So, and then we get a quick scene of proxy and Brian looking out over the hellscape of the city, you know, to see the sequels that is to come. Yeah. The hellscape of Grand Rapids Chicago. Yeah. Absolutely. Fair fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah hellscape of Grand Rapids Chicago. Yeah.

And he's like, all right, well, that was a, it was a fun, broken glass moment. Sorry, I vomit on you for times of. What's next? And she says, we have to tell everyone about this. What? I should probably write in my journal and send it to the future as a code. Wait, why are you writing it down? Can't they just look up and see the helicopters and the rubble? Like what are you gonna say?

Right, like yeah, hey guys, this is bad. Thank you, I understand. Fire is bad. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Re-fget your input. The theme song at the end sounds like Eli making fun of a Christian song sung by a Christian unironically. I'm not even kidding.

Oh, you have to. If there's anything you do fast forward to the end because it's one or something like burger to burger, it is a hundred percent Eli making fun of a Christian song. It's the best. Oh, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. I get to the credits and I bailed right? I was the fuck out of this whole thing. I just I just drank it and it was amazing. I might have to go back for that awesome. I was hoping they're gonna have one of those like post credits Marvel scenes about the amazing sequel that they're obviously gonna do. Oh there because it literally says to be continued. Yeah, yeah, that's

Ballsy unless of course, you know, it fails miserably and they have no money Speaking of what Cecil since those are the two possibilities either they'll make a sequel or this failed miserably and they have no money. What are the odds that we can get you to make a commitment to come back and do the sequel with us if they ever actually make it? If they ever make a sequel, I will 100% be back to see that actor that was once unjustified. Awesome.

Yeah, I'm sure you'll have a big role. It's a prophecy, buddy. You're in. There's no way the box office numbers on this weren't good enough and they spent a million dollars on this movie and ran out of money. Prophecy, too, that's another movie that Eric Roberts was in. And of course, if our listeners did hear more from Cecil before this sequel comes out, you can check out the show notes for links to cognitive distance and citation needed. Cecil, thank you so much for suffering alongside us, sir.

My pleasure, guys. Thanks for having me on. And while that's going to do for our review, rumors of wars that's not going to do for the episode, you should because we still need to renew our vows. So he's, tell us what's on deck. The first power. So the beginning of our Halloween spooktacular. Oh, yeah. And we're doing a movie about exponents. No, yeah. The easiest one. Yeah, right. Yeah. All right.

No, yeah. It's time for Eli's Halloween, fear, nom, and honor, whatever the hell he calls it. So, okay. With that, we look forward to we're going to bring episode 267 to a merciful close once again. Huge thanks to Cecil Frank and I. Well, this is today and a perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to get out yourself among their ranks, you can make a perhaps a donation

to patreon.com. So I got off of them. And thereby earn early access to an every version of a re episode. You can also help us to the time by link on five star review and help make the show go. If you'd like to get out yourself among their ranks, you can make a prep episode of donation at patreon.com. So I've got awful, and thereby earn early access to an average version of a re-upisode. You can also help us to the time by link on five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our simply shows

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Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slot, the legal people, drop someone on Mars, all of the music was written will provide up a lot of offices of PM Dritourist, Tim Robbins and Takes Care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotling and people who drafts on Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen right in Eli Bosnick. I'm No Lusius Promise Norwork Hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. That CEO had the subtle for deadlifting a medium-sized sheep. 408 went on to join his big brother's tile scrubbing business.

Zern Global went on to invent a vaccine to end the global pandemic. But Christian people wouldn't take it because the Vian vaccine looked like demon horns. Yeah! Millions died. Oh, no! Oh, no! Damn.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if I told you guys this, but I actually panicked at the end of this movie when rumors of wars came on the screen because I literally thought I watched the wrong one because when Eli told me he said it was rumor of war and I thought, oh God, did I watch the wrong movie? And I thought, oh, sure. Because they were both plural. I thought, oh, fuck, I watched the wrong movie and this is on the like part one movie and I was so terrified that I had to watch all the movie

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