God Awful Movies - 268: The First Power

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

This week, the Halloween Spook-tacular begins with "The First Power", the 1990 story of a bunch of producers not quite realizing Lou Diamond Phillips' career was over yet. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Why did they choose ankle deep water for this sea? Whatever gravitas this scene might have had, and that is a sh- I- already I doubt it, just as the words come out of my mouth, is definitely destroyed as we watch, Lubat Diamond Phillips slosh over to the body of his- Eh! And my socks are gonna be cold, eh? Ah, my dusters way too long for me, it's dipping in his blood. the body of his... and my socks are gonna be cold, eh?

My dusters way too long for me, it's dipping in my clothes. Ungainly, just next to Sylvia Plath, two shallow gadgets. God awful! Movie! Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be He said, right, he's welcome back. Thanks Noah. So, you know, who's a road scholar? Better than daily. Everyone with an address.

Everyone who has an address is a road scholar. There you go. And sitting 900 miles to my north east is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am fantastic. No, I got to watch a demon beat up Lou Diamond Phillips. It's a good day. Over and over and over.

And so he loses. He loses. It's never ever. It's like his life. I know. So tell us, Keith, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the first power. It's the story of a detective played by Lou Diamond Phillips trying to catch a serial

killer possessed by a demon with the help of the worst psychic ever. I don't you think in, you know, they're all tied for a worst and best psychic. But this one actually made it like actively worse by trying to be a psychic. At one point, the cop played by Lou Don Phillips and the psychic are gonna go find the bad guy and the psychic starts really slowly explaining this super vague premonition at Lou Don Phillips.

It's like, okay, just shut up. They're telling me where to go on the radio. God, you're the worst. It's just go. And D.L.I, how bad was this movie? Well, if you're enjoying God awful movies, just kidding, it was all a dream. Or was it?

Yes. Or is it? Yeah. Sorry, that's this entire fucking movie. Yeah. It's false stars. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And we should point out here. Oh, was there. Yep. Yep. So, okay. So we should point out just getting this was a psychic prediction. Are you done? No. Yes. Okay. so we should point out that we found this for free on YouTube, but with Greek subtitles, which was weird because all the names were still in a Latin alphabet.

And like, right, like if I watch a Chinese movie with English subtitles, the proper nouns aren't written in logo grams. Right? It's very straight. Anyway, I got a few subtitled notes. I thought I should mention that up front. It was going to be really weird that why I was talking about Greek.

Okay, so is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Best worst down on Trump as COVID. Oh, oh. Hey, we're recording an advanced dude. By the time people listen to this, he could be dead from COVID, right? Maybe.

Oh, listener. Listener, I know you're probably listening to this episode back in the archives, but if you don't remember what it was like to be alive and free on October 2nd of 2020, I'll just breathe in this moment with us. I'll just breathe in this moment the way Donald Trump can. He's having so much to do. You're amazing. You hear that?

It's better because Donald Trump has an end Joe Biden. Does it? Right. That's the best. I'm gonna go with best worst silver bullet. So this is a horror movie. So like as in every horror movie, there's only the one thing that can kill the bad guy. And it is like when they finally get around to revealing what it's going to be in this film, it is it is the most glorious, wonderful thing that I own. I will own this motherfucker by the time they hear this episode. I will definitely own one of these in all the world. I can't wait to talk about this. We can't talk about it. We can't fucking wait.

It's so good that I blacked out. We all work off the same notes document and I go through it first. I blacked out my notes about this object. So that he had no, you could be surprised and not accidentally see it in my notes. I had a genuine 10 minute pause time out after this thing gets real. Were you also on Amazon? Because I was on Amazon. It's prime day. Maybe they'll have this on the prime day.

I hear it's on sale. Coming up in the middle of the month. Oh, shit. See, I was going to go with best worst power ordering. All right. This movie is called The First Power. And about 14 seconds before the end of the movie, we will learn that and just to clue you in so you know what the fuck's going on.

You don't have to take this journey with us that Satan and God both have three powers, the first of which is resurrection. So this movie will be about a demon that has absolutely everything except that power until the last 14 seconds. All right, well, I'll say what? Lue Diamond Phillips is on the other side of the fucking break. But we're gonna keep it brave. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the fained scenes of the first power. Lou Diamond Phillips, get in here, big guy. Hey, fellas, give me one second.

I just gonna get my head through the door. Head, yep. Yeah. Hey, looks like you want to pivot. I would say pivot. Come in I get my head through the door head. Yep. Yeah. Hey, it looks like you want to pivot. I would say, coming on your side, just go back out. Nope. Guys, I got it.

I got it. Trust me. Okay. Just there we go. There. Well, and I'm okay. All right. So what movie do you guys want me to do next, huh?

All right. Well, you know, you were great in LaBamba and stand and deliver. So yeah, thank you. Thank you guys. Right. So we were thinking next, you could be in a gritty supernatural horror cop flick. Mm. Yeah. So my career in LaBamba and stand and deliver makes you think I should play a cop next. Pop. Yep. Sure does. Okay. I guess. Yeah, just one question. Can you do any fight choreography? Are you good at that? No, not not even a little. I can dance and sing. Dance and sing. Oh, well, you know, it's fine. It's fine. We'll just make your character lose all the fights. Oh, good. Yeah, everybody can get beat up. I'm gonna lose all the fights. Yeah, right. No, that's a great idea.

By like a lot, you're gonna lose so much by a lot. Okay, so I'll, I'll have done LaBamba and the Stan and then this movie and then what's planned for my career after that? Well, I'm a celebrity get me out of here. Yeah, tracks. Your head is so big, right? Like really big. So wide.

What shape is that? That's a great question. And we're back for the breakdown. And I'm actually going to open up on a subtitle note because, okay, we're looking at the MGM logo and I'm pretty sure that the Greek for Metro gold one, myres, Metro gold one, myres. So like I just I started off wondering is like, is Jim Dematrakus on gel Greek for roar? I don't think it is. They can't

teach their kids that animal noise till way later. What is the lion's say mom, I'm only three. Yes. Yeah. So we get the logos and then we get our opening credits. It was include Lou Diamond Phillips and nobody else. However, we do have the first piece of brilliance of this movie, which is someone was like, okay, as the credits go on, they're going to be carbon, a super scary, satanic pentagram into the back. But then they didn't realize how long the opening gas is.

Yes, yes, yes, so all of our notes are triangle, triangle, star, energy symbol. Yeah, no, I was so invested in this little licorice symbol they were drawing, but yeah, up, the guy was so sad too. He's just like, all right, can I do the pentagram now? Nope. No, I got it. I'll turn it out. All right.

No, I got it. I'll turn it out. Pentagram. Nope. Okay. Still credits. Still. It looked good.

Motion the way through right because it's like kind of cool stuff all the way to except for that all But one side with the petagram look fucking stupid We leave it on that for so long so yeah the petagram eventually shows up and then the title like slides out from behind it But there isn't room on the goddamn screen for the title so the petagram has to be like oh you want me to scooch? Okay, I'll Out of the way then just a sign of fucking Satan. It? Okay. I'll move out of the way then. Just the sign of fucking Satan. It's fine. I'll get out of the way. You go ahead and upstage me, asshole.

So, so then we open the movie proper. We have a none doing like apocalypse ASMR, right? Yeah. Supposed to be enjoyable. The movie ever was to me. Yeah, that was delightful. And she's talking to a group of priests and being like, Hey, have you guys heard about the book of Revelation?

Have you heard about this? Have you seen this? And they're like, yeah, that's fucking stupid. It applies to anything if you're a crazy person. Are you a crazy person? Yeah, yes, if you are, we're going to put you in a cell. Yeah, one, one of the priests says like right off the batty's like, look, we all know the Bible. You can twist those words to mean almost anything. I'm like, wow, that's a stark admission. Precure. You're right. But wow, I love these guys. They're in Los Angeles.

They're just like, yeah, this is fucking stupid. I don't know. We get a paycheck and we don't pay taxes. Yeah. At one point, the guy goes, it's the 20 fucking stupid. I don't know. We get a paycheck and we don't pay taxes. Yeah. At one point, the guy goes, it's the 20th century. We don't talk about Satan. And I just wrote in my notes, see, this is why you can't be a Supreme court justice sister. And she's talking about the satanic panic. This movie was made in 89 released in 90.

So we're like, that right and she's explaining how like no the satanic panic it's it's it's real like the world is becoming satanic we need to panic and they're like oh my god you're ridiculous yeah so they advise you're not to worry her pretty little head then we get a goddamn ad we're four minutes into the movie I'm like what is this a fucking podcast? But there's an ad in it. Okay, for me, and I don't know if this is true of you guys, this was the only ad I got in the end. Yeah, me too.

Yep, yep, same here. That's how far they thought most audios were gonna make it into the Lou Diamond Philip vehicle. The first power, you can buy that ad up front for a hundred bucks and anything after that three cents. Well, yeah, no, that's the thing is that that literally means that the epic times is like, look, I'm not paying 1.4 cents for that. Okay. So all right. So now we meet Lou Diamond Phillips. He's hard at work at home cracking the case by staring at maps and whatnot, right? It's so good. He's clearly trying to like make a bunch of dots on his map that represent things that have happened in his detective work and turn it into a pentagram, but we see

him being like, all right, it's like, it's like almost a panic. It's not a perfect pentagram, but it's just stupid conspiracy. And he like crumbles fast and that throws it out. Yeah, so yeah, he gets all frustrated and then sexy lips call us him on the phone, right? So we're not gonna be disc character yet. We're just gonna meet her lips. And she's calling him on the phone to give him some clues about where the serial killer

he's tracking is gonna strike next. Yeah, she doesn't where the killer is, but he's not allowed to kill him. And he can't ask for the death penalty. Yeah. Okay. So this movie comes back to that over and over again, as though the arresting officer gets to decide whether they put him in the death penalty bin or not, right?

No. No, Lew Diamond Phillips has dibs. Yes, yes. Right, yeah, exactly. But she's basically, she's trying to give him clues to like help with his stupid map. And I love the idea of a serial killer being frustrated by this really slow cop and being like, come on, having a call back and be like, wow, okay, it's so clearly a pentagram. You just put one more dog on the fucking top with idiot. And then just draw that line. You got it now.

Wow. Also, if this guy's killing in the shape of a pentagram, I really want to see how that worked out for most of the killings. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, you scared me. You should be scared. Oh no! Oh, shit, sorry.

Do you mind stepping over this way a bit over a second? Sorry, what? Well, I'm going for a pentagram on the map thing, and I just realized we're on the corner of Charleston. First, I need to be on the corner of Charleston. Second. So if it's just like a... Sorry, you...

Well, it's on the corner of Charleston. Second is, this isn't hard. I'm not the fucking Tetrahedron killer. I'm the pentagram killer. We're making a line. Now, if you don't mind, I gotta kill somebody in the middle of a lake next week. I don't have-

Tetrahedrol. I'm sorry, what? You'd be the Tetrahedrol killer, not the Tetrahedron killer. You're not killing Tetrahedrons. You're killing it. You know what, here's gonna be just fine, actually. Okay.

All right, so now we're on stakeout. We're looking at the place where the sexy lips Actually. All right, so now we're on stakeout. We're looking at the place where the sexy lips that called Lou Dimon Phillips on the phone said that the next murder was going to take place, right? So we have to check in with all of our undercover stakeout cops. And by check in, I mean sexually harass the female ones. It's okay. It's the 80s. She's into it. Also, rough.

They made some very strange choices at this stakeout. They had homeless guy. Okay. Lady walking by herself. All right. Man making out with a blow up doll in his car. Yep. They couldn't get a second female cop in 1990 to be in that car. Yeah, not with him anyway. I wanted the serial killer to walk up and point out the obvious blowup doll and just be like, wow, all right. So and then we also see we see Lew in his car and we meet his partner, Ollie. And so Ollie is a black guy and I mentioned that because the opening line here where Lewis talking to me is like, Hey man, don't be scared just because this is satanic

are you afraid of some kind of a hockle spoke is shit like a the boogie man or the KKK? That's literally the line. The second thing probably. I bet you're afraid of Baba Yaga, Santa Claus and white supremacists. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Right. Dude, relax. They're supposed to stand by. It's fine. Alright. So yeah, but they're all talking about, you know, whether he's going to show up or not. And just then lady cop, here's a creepy noise from the alleyway. So she goes to check it out and gets captured by the killer who chloroforms classic cat bait chloroform

Yeah, but right. Yes. And it's not a great stakeout. If one of your officers can just get grabbed, right? That's the whole that that's not, that's an offering. Like, yeah. She's just wriggling around on a hook in the middle of this park. Yeah. Pretty much. Right. But so it's just as she's getting now, two guys I have down is doubting cop one and doubting cop two show up to doubt Lou Diamond Phillips theory. All they do is roast him for being stupid. Yeah. Exactly. That is their job. But they're telling them they're about to pull the plug on his stakeout. And that's when we get the news that Lady Cop has been abducted. Yeah. And by the way, we get to see Lou Diamond

Phillips get out of his car here. And we get to see his giant black duster jacket. That he will never take off in the shower during sex. It does not matter in real life. Lou Diamond Phillips is wearing that right now. He's like 58 years old. Yeah. So, all right. So we meet our killer, right?

He's got the lady cop tied down at some Satany ritual and the other cops are looking for. I didn't catch exactly how they figured this out. Like one cop says the word park in Lou Diamond Phillips is like, park, that's a noun. Let's go. And they all run to the park. The first of many times this movie will be like, Oh, he's probably at the place, huh? The place of the things. That's where the rest of the movie is. We should go. We don't need is a psychic. Yeah. Yeah, right. Right. Actually, all right. So we come back to our killer. He's like being evil and Satany and shit. So he has to say the Lord's prayer backwards, but lazily, right? Like heaven and art who father are,

rather than the never need trial retto for ruo kind of away. Yeah, you should have to say the words backwards letter wise too. Fuck off lazy bull. She also stops and explains it, which kind of kills the moment. He's like, don't know if you noticed I was just saying the Lord's prayer back. It's actually back. I'm kind of a slave.

You get it again. So yeah. Yeah, but just then Lou makes it to the main serial killer area of the park. I wrote my notes. I'm sorry, is there the old quarry inside this park? Yeah, it's got a catacom. As he starts wandering through all these like expansive indoor underground facilities in the park. I'm like, good thing no homeless people

I've ever noticed this shit, huh? But yeah, so right before the bad guy can stab Lady Cop, Lou shows up and tackles him, right? Well, actually he doesn't. The bad guy is just about to stab her. He's like, wait a minute, is that the main character creeping around? Hold on. I'll be back. I'll stab you in a second. Yeah, I thought to myself, I guess he got surprised by the movie's sound effect. Yeah, it's unclear. Also, it's just a little thing, but it will

get funnier throughout the movie. He un-sheaths his cereal killing. Oh, God, yes. By the way, he will always have and it goes shing. And it will be a louder and longer shing each day. By the end of the movie, it's like shumble, it does all of blue man as it's on its way out of the sheath. Last time it takes out ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, nice. God, really? I should have gotten one with a starter. Zunbi. All right. Nice. Really? I should have gotten one with a starter.

Zonby. All right, so yeah, so the serial killer literally brings a knife to a gun fight, but he's fine. He wins, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. So he's wanted to run off, but Lou Diamond Phillips finds a trail of blood that he can follow. This is him prancing through the warehouse, yes? Yes, right. Yeah. Yeah. There's a scary warehouse inside this public park. It's on the other side of the catacombs. The park's catacombs lead you to the warehouse and got it. Just to be clear, I know I mentioned it very briefly. Lou Diamond Phillips will step all change after the serial killer. There is no other way to describe his motion. Yucka, Ben, and Prancing, yeah. Yeah, Ben, Ben.

So yes, so he's going through this creepy warehouse. He's just shooting at random noises. I'm like, wow, they did realistic cop work at least. That is, that works. I thought to myself, Lou Diamond Phillips is terrible at using his gun that has infinite bullets. Terrible. Yeah.

90s cop guns are rigged like a fucking carnival game. There's like curly cues in them. All right. So, yeah. So the bad guy starts taunting him, right? Like he's like wandering through the dark warehouse of the bad guy's like, over here, getting colder, getting warmer. Whisper-taught.

Whisper-taught. Yeah, exactly. Just say whisper. But they start getting into a fight. He runs out of bullets as infinite bullets do run out here. So he tackles the bad guy out the window. First he throws the empty gun at him. the empty gun at him, which is what my favorite parts of the movie. That guy's like, ow, that's a bruise now. That's a bruise. And a stab you. He does that. I'm going to catch it. Thing where he just slaps it down to the ground, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha rest a little bit, Lou gets stabbed a couple of times, but he gets the better of the serial killer, dude. And so slamming his head against the ground repeatedly. Okay. But here's the thing. It's supposed to be this bad-ass moment, but the acting choice through Diamond Phillips

is made is teenage girl has just won some sort of Jonas Brothers related prize. So he's like, you're so vulnerable. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so Katsch is up. She's like, Lou Diamond Phillips just got up intensive care and he caught the notorious pentagram killer. They also point out that Lou just takes out serial killers left and right. He's that cop. Yeah. They say he has caught or killed three serial killers in the last five years. I mean, okay, well, I guess this cop is also a serial killer. Yeah. He gets mostly bad guys, we think that never comes back or matters. Nope. There's never any reason for that.

Anyway, so yeah, so they're checking out the water treatment center that the killer used to work at for the first time in the movie. Yeah. Don't worry. We'll get plenty more of that. So then we cut to the courthouse. We are, Lew and the killer are both arriving at the same time and they have that awkward couples meeting at the grocery store moment. How does this work? A serial

killer who is in cuffs being walked by cops is like, excuse me, I'd like to walk past the cop. I stabbed. Please. He's right there. Walk me past it. I would, I'd like to walk past the cop. I stabbed police. He's right there. Walk me past it. I would like a private moment with the cop. I stabbed police. I want to talk to him. And they're like, okay. I have a question because we see him getting out of the car and like there's a crowd of

people booing him. Are you allowed to show up to court and just boo people? Because I want to do that. I want you to be a doobre allowed to do that. That's boo people? I want to do that. I'm super doobre allowed to do that. That's my new thing. I'm from doing that. What I love is all of the reporters before they have their little private moment run up and they're like, detective Logan, detective Logan, do you think you'll get the death penalty

on this one? I'm like, why would they ask the arresting officer of that? What the fuck would he have to do with it? Anyway, okay. So the pentagram killer gets the desk penalty, which means party time at the precinct, right? So all the cops start openly consuming alcohol on the job. No worries. That's literally popping champagne in the middle of the office. So fucking stupid. Yeah, but while they're drinking their champagne, Lou Diamond Phillips gets a call from sexy lips. She's very upset about all this death penalty shit,

right? Yeah. She's like, I told you, no, death penalty. We had a deal. You're a cop. You're allowed to make that deal. And he's like, yeah, I'm allowed lie. I just. I just like. We do that. All right. So now we cut to the gas chamber and everybody's pretty fired up about the big execution. Right. Okay. So his partner, right? The guy who he was making the KKK can't juxtue earlier.

The door closes and he goes out of use creep. And then you can see the actor be like, I should have said it when the door closes and he goes out of use creep. And then you can see the actor be like, I should have said it when the door was open. No, he can't hear me in. Guys, time out, time out. I'm going to write a sign on paper. I have to turn it. I don't have to write it back. What am I talking about? I'm just going to hold it up to him. It's not that I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah. So they we watch him get executed in the gas chamber for quite a while. Don't worry, it's 1989. This was still humane back then. Yeah. What a bizarre choice.

I mean, I knew the gas chamber was a thing. I just want to know what the thinking was behind that choice. All right, gentlemen. It's time to work out how the great United States will execute its worst criminals. Here, here. Uh, just one thing. I don't see why we can't stick with the firing spot where you have a thing. I know, that's great, and it works, but we need new ideas.

Okay. Um, okay. Uh, do you guys promise you won't be mad? What? Let's promise. Promise you won't be mad. You know what? Yes, Dave, we won't be mad. Okay. Okay. You guys remember the Nazis? Very much. Yep, we remember the Nazis. I remember that. Yes. Okay. So technically, did you guys know that the gas chamber was actually invented before they

used it to, yes, yeah. All right. So why don't we, why don't we do that? The gas chamber? Yes. Yeah. Really? It's just, you know, I feel like the Nazis kind of ruined that.

Yeah, it's, you know what I mean? It's the toothbrush mustache of execution methods. Yes, excellent. Okay, I hear that, but come on. We can't not do something just because the Nazis did it. That can't be... We really think we can do that. That's a good policy.

Nazis had tanks. You want to get rid of all the tanks? Huh? Well, no. Guess not. Exactly. Thank you. Okay, okay.

So we used the thing that Nazis did. Yeah, but, but if anyone asks, it was invented before them. It invented before them. Technically, I guess. Yeah, okay. All right. Historically, is this, is this going to look okay? I'm sure it's going to be fine.

It's going to look fine. We're overthinking it. All right, here's the fucked up thing. That six states still used a gas chamber. Still, yeah, well, they, they, like, if you committed your crime before a certain year or if they can't do the lethal injection, yeah, they have, or you're allowed to pick it, you, you can choose it if that's the way you want to go. Yeah.

It's like that friend who's got a bar in his basement and he just keeps trying to get you to come downstairs and show you the bar in his basement. Six states are like that with the gas chamber. Yeah, exactly. Also, a whole bunch more states are somehow killing people still. Yeah, without that, I don't really care if it's a little bit better. I do a little bit, but that's for dick, whatever. Yeah, well, actually, yeah, well, that could be a real long conversation there.

But anyway, it doesn't matter for this guy though, because the gas chamber wasn't enough for him. They clear it all guy though because the gas chamber wasn't enough for him. They clear it all the gas and the gas chamber and then he starts fidgeting back to life and has super strength and a knife. In the gas chamber. Yeah, so like for my last meal, I'd like a giant knife. Yeah, I'll be fine. Are you going to eat it? Yes. We gave that one guy blueberries. So yeah, we have to give him life.

So, so he breaks out of the gas chamber. Or someone breaks out of the cast. Somebody this actor could not break the sugar glass without a stunt double and the worst edit I've ever seen. It was so bad. The stunt guys like four times his height and like a different race. It was crazy. Yeah.

I know we talk about it a lot here on God off of movies, but somewhere there's real moldering away in a garbage dump of just this actor going, I guess the shirt last wall and the world deserves it. Yeah. It was really clear that they weren't expecting to have to use a stunt double that day. They didn't have one the right size on it. So he breaks out. He starts to go right after Lou Diamond Philips.

Lou shoots him because you're allowed to bring a gun into those kind of things, but it doesn't do any good and don't worry. It was all a Sit straight up afterward stream And we should point out this is the first of Truly a dozen times the movie will do this. Yeah. Yeah. There are so many fucking. Oh, it was all a dream moments in this goddamn film It's like inception it was all a dream moments in this goddamn film. It's like inception. One would rightly believe this movie is narrated by a board toddler.

That's how often he's like, no, he doesn't jump out. He actually, what happened then? He has a kitty, a gun. Yes. Speaking of which, yeah. So he went down the script. His cat is pissed. So he grabs his gun right because the cat is telling him that Timmy is stuck in a well

apparently. We don't speak cat. So we don't know. It's in the Greek subtitles, I'm sure. So yeah, but he walks around the room gunly, right? Because the cat's freaked out about something. Now I have cats, right? So I know he's walking around with his gun because there's a squirrel right by the fucking

street door, right? Right. Right. But anyway, it's a horror movie. So he gets the gun. So he kicks in this one door and there's his own house and there's like blood all over the walls and shit, right? Yeah. And crazy like kids screaming noises, I don't know where. Yeah. So he walks into this room and he's just like, huh, did I leave all this blood and kids screaming in my arms? I was like, was that me? It couldn't be me, I do that.

I don't remember. You know, you get tired and you're like, I should clean this up, but I do it. But you know, it's going to dry like bad dishes and you still leave it. This is the worst. Sinkful of dishes, wals full of blood. You know, the Eli Bosnick's. Bathroom wals full of blood.

All right. So, yeah, so there's a knock at the door. Some beat cops are there to bring him to the station right away. Yeah, and he's like, uh, uh, you guys are gonna want to see this. My walls are covered in blood, but when he checks, it was all a dream. Dream thing. Just kidding, guys. I was just, I was just hallucinating a room of blood and child screams. Okay, time to be a cop. Let's go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was just, I was just hallucinating a room of blood and child

screams. Okay, time to be a cop. Let's go. It'll be just fine. I am in a great mental place to be a police officer. It's all right. So, but the cops take him to the scene of a crime. It turns out that Carmen the sexy detective that they were sexually harassing at the beginning that was caught by the pentagram killer that Lou Diamond Phillips saved actually did get murdered by the pentagram killer, even though the pentagram killer is already dead. And let me spare our audience a tremendous amount of confusion. The murdery guy will spend the rest of the movie killing people close to the protagonist, but since the movie forgot to establish who

the protagonist knows or cares about, the people will get ever more random until the movie is like, no, remember, he bumped into that extra. You guys are jerks. You had no idea who so many of these people were. What? Because they always go, it's Carmen. And then spend four minutes of screen time before they show us the person and we go, oh, okay. And then, okay, yeah. Right, okay.

And now it's time to meet our love interest, though. We have to finally meet sexy lips. She is a psychic named Tess Seaton. That's such a weird name I started looking for anagrams in it. I mean, too. I couldn't find anything good. I got toast sense and snot teases, but that's. Ooh, toast sense.

You know what? Snot teases makes a lot of sense. But yeah, but she is a psychic that's been having visions of this killer and she comes into the police department to tell Lou Diamond Phillips. No, no, no, this is still the same killer spiritually apparently. Yeah. She tells him and this is very important. He's not a man now.

He's a force. Yeah. Right. She says you forgot to execute the soul. You only killed the guy. And he's like, okay, you're, you're ridiculous. You're gonna need to leave. And she's like, I'm not crazy. You don't patronize me. I'm a professional psychic. Yes. Yes. And he's like, wow, I didn't help that. Yeah. Oh, you're so much worse. You're right. You're not even worth patronizing. Okay. Just get the fuck out of here. But she actually makes it work. She goes, look, I'm a

psychic. But usually I just sort of let murderers get away with it. But just this one. I'm not going to use my own dogs and see if shows are getting it canceled. Yeah. And then he's like, okay, I still don't believe you. And she goes, here's my number. Call me when you realize the guy you killed is a force. Yeah, well, it's even worse. He asks for a number, right? He's like, look, I don't point him all this psyching shit, but if I want to fuck you later,

where would I, um, no. And this is when he realizes she's the one who is calling him, right? Oh, yeah. Right. Uh-huh. Because he's like, I can't believe you realizes she's the one who is calling him, right? Oh, yeah, right. Uh-huh. Because he's like, I can't believe you lied and did the death penalty. And he's like, Oh, okay. So that was you. Also, didn't you just say your psychic?

You didn't see that coming? No, I'm not a cop. See, I can say whatever I want. You're pretty terrible at this being a psychic thing. Okay. So, but it turns out, so she leaves, and we find out that the cops have already caught the person who killed Carmen.

It's this crazy heroin junkie guy who seems like he was almost possessed by some executed demon soul when he did it. Okay, this scene is so confusing. Right, okay? Yeah. For so many reasons. Firstly, Lou Diamondville goes in and the guy's like,

Catatonic, he's just staring at the floor. And Lou Diamondville seems to make the case to his fellow officer. Please correct me if I'm wrong. He seems to make the case to his fellow officer. He couldn't kill anyone. Look how silly he is sitting right now. It's the one.

Yep. And they're like, yeah, that is, he's pretty still. Yeah, you have to move to kill people, guys. Maybe you should go in there and try some fire magic on it. What the fuck was that? He's like, you know, but just look at it. Yeah, I got a zip. Look into my lighter.

You are getting very sleepy. What are you trying to do there? But nothing happened. No, I was like sure something was going to happen here. And the guy just there's him. And the little Philips was like, okay, well, fire magic didn't work. So the only explanation I have is I was once a 13 year old boy or Lou Diamond Phillips is Lou Diamond Phillips got his first zippo

and just kept looking at me like, you can do the little snappy trick. I did that right. Yeah, you dropped it. I'm going to have to refill it. I could balance this on the back of my head. No, it's just no way you're going to do this. Don't make a company based on that. All right, well, I'll tell you what, don't make a company based on that.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, now that the plot has assured us that the remaining hour or show of the runtime isn't going to be all credits, I suppose we're going to afford to take a quick break, but we'll be back soon with even more of the first power. And at the time, historians didn't know how to describe this thing, right? Quote, I? Quote. I would never think he man. He's Eli. What are you guys doing alone by the birds? I said, what are you doing? Whatever think to do. Pause.

Pause. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. No, I lost my headphones. So Eli is my headphones now. Yeah, he pays me a mango. I said boss. Heath, why don't you just get a pair of wireless earbuds from Raycon?

They sent us a pair to try out and it sounds awesome and they feel great. It's true. They do. Raycon's newest model the everyday E25 earbuds are the best ones yet with six hours of playtime seamless Bluetooth pairing more base A more compact design and a noise isolating Plus, Raycon earbuds are stylish and discrete, no dangling wires or stems. Wow, that sounds pretty good. Yeah, and for a limited time, you can get 15% off your order at buyraycon.com slash gam. That's buyraycon.com slash gam for a special 15% discount on Raycon wireless earbuds. Make sure to check it out now while the deal is running by Raycon dot com slash cam. That's fantastic. No, I'm in. You mind if I listen with you?

Not at all. No, um. Play, play now. Blah blah blah, history blah blah. Who are you? I'm a love this one. Yeah, me too blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, me too. So good. Pfft. Detective Logan, you see, I was the one telling you

about the pentagram killer. Yeah. And how'd you do that? I'm a psychic, you see. I don't like to get involved in these things, but after I saw what he did in the paper, I just couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry, wait, did you just say you don't like to get involved in these things?

I yes, it's really quite painful. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You have magic powers. At psychic powers? It whatever. So psychic powers that could help you stop all the murders. But you chose just to help the police with like the last three Yes, wow Oh You kind of suck, don't you? Well, I mean when you put it that way yeah, I

Guess I suck like a a ton, a ton, a ton. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open up on Lewinous Partner,

breaking into the psychic ladies house, right? Or mansion. Well, her, yeah, she's a gazillionaire psychic. But yeah, so because this is a fucking 80s cop movie, the cops are just like, yeah, we don't need no warrant. Let's break on in and we at home watching along. And I'm like, yeah, fuck civil liberties. Oh, oh, oh, and then they find a computer.

And I just started writing it. My nose, oh, a computer in an 80s movie. This will be great. Oh, yeah computer in an 80s movie. This will be great. Oh, yeah. Fucking bad. Yeah. They walk in. They see her 12 foot bong on her table,

which was cool. Right. What the fuck was that? But then they're like, all right. Let's check her computer. Maybe she has some prophecy software. And she does. Yep.

Yeah. She literally does. And I got to mention the functions on this Prophecy software. Oh, please do. They show us the screen for a second. It has seven functions lettered so you can choose from, you know, menu style. See which one doesn't belong. I don't know. Play along. The seven things that Prophecy software can do are a horoscope, B past lives, sure, C wall street, what can you use for?

Okay, D psychic clients, that's just, you know, informational. Address book, yeah, E mind games. You would have a little fun. F metaphysical info. It's just sort just a general category of and G sports. Oh yeah. So people are better on that. Yeah, okay. Also it seems like you know, it would know what menu you were going to need without asking. It seems like a psychic software could just go to it. And I want to point out like just for context,

commercial internet wasn't a thing then, right? This wasn't her website. This was just her personal computer. It would not dial up internet, wouldn't be introduced for another three years. Yeah, this lady never needs a word document. She just needs psychic clients, mind games and sports. So yeah, so they start listening to her phone messages, right?

And they're fantastic, right? They're their ex-position based messages. It's, hello, I hear you are psychic. I want that. I, goodbye. It actually says, I hear you're the most accurate psychic which I thought was great because that means there's like budget psychic long shot stuff

I If you got $12, okay, I can give you a tip about a roulette wheel. It's like a one in 38 shot. That's all you have for you. I can look it up on 538 for you. Yeah. But the second message is my fucking favorite. I always had to boyfriend breaking up with her

for being too fucking kicked. It is the boyfriend. It's a mess. I gotta say honestly, he was the most sympathetic character of the entire goddamn movie. Amazing. I don't know how we don't need him more because his whole concept is hilarious. He's calling up here to be like, Hey, it's Paul.

It's fucking impossible, Daytona psychic. Yeah, we need to talk or you know what? I guess we don't. I guess we don't have him here. You're the worst. Yeah, so and then the third message though, is from the serial killer, the one who's been executed. I know his execution turned out to be a dream sequence,

but he was executed at some point. The movie never tells us that exactly. Yeah, and he's like, I'll see you later in the movie, Lou Diamond Phillips. Yeah, and the killer says, and this is important, I'll see you at this exact, you know, the corner of this street and that street. Ha, ha, ha, right. And just then she walks in the the psycho lady test. And she's like, hey, um, it's breaking into my house and go to my shit. Look at the look at my Commodore and 1989.

Fuck you. We're bringing you in. 9-11. What do we say before 9-11 9-11? No, Russia. Just Russia. Iran, Contra, Cold War. Yeah. So yeah, but he drags over there. He's like, I want to know about this message on your answering machine and he plays it back and it was all a dream. It was never there at all.

But he, first, he gets the wrong message when he tries to play it back. He's like, listen to this. Oh, okay, this is your boyfriend breaking up with you. Sorry, this is awkward. Okay. Next one. Next. Next. I'm, this is awkward. Okay. Next one. Next. I'm getting next to that.

Fuck, the next god damn it. Put that message from the evil demon guys gone somehow. Yeah. You're great. That machine's only had two messages for 30 years. This is impossible. I wanted him to keep going with the message machine. He accidentally does like a remix of the boyfriends just like, I can't, I can't date you anymore.

Date you anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hey, it's, Paul, please take me back. I'm just kidding, bringing up with you again. God. I just called Paul back by accident, you talk, you talk, how do I know Paul, it's the police. You're good. It's not you, it's me, no, you know it's you. You know it's you. Hey, or I can't, I can't. You knew I was gonna say that. And you knew it was you.

You suck. All right, so yeah, it's for the whole time, Olli, the partner, is sitting there going like, hey man, you keep saying that there's a message from a dead guy on the machine. I don't think it's good that you say that thing out loud. And he's like, you're right. I'm saying and it was something different.

Good call. Good call. All right. No further questions. So but of course, obviously he then goes to the exact street corner where the serial killer just told him to go, right? Yeah. Which is a mariachi themed, like, street fare?

Yeah. And we get these amazing, like, spooky shots of mariachi dressed people like, they very clearly do an ominous pan over, like, old little Mexican ladies. And it's just like, this is a little. Ooh, like, they will sell you churros.

Yeah, they're trying to be scary. And one of those shots, he's a guy just being like screaming about my amazing street corner. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, and we should point out that Ollie says she, she tells Ollie that he's in danger. Her psychic power is tell her that he's in trouble, right? So he's all freaked out. Yeah, and Lou Diamond Phillips is like, relax. You're a black buddy cop in an 80s movie. You're gonna be

You know what I make it feel better? Call your wife and tell her you can't wait to see her and you're so excited to You know what I'm making feel better? Call your wife and tell her you can't wait to see her and you're so excited to meet your baby. Huh? That's your yep. Aren't you too over this shit? Get out of here, man. But just then, a horse is frightened

and is running right in his partner. Hehehe. And I thought to myself, oh my God, did the bad guy possess a horse? I still don't know if he did or not. I'm pretty sure he did. He might have possessed a horse. I still don't know if he did or not. I'm pretty sure he did. He might have possessed a horse or the rider or the horse and then the rider. It's not clear. I mean, but the horse like, like runs over the partner and then backs up and

runs over him again a couple of times. I feel like you have to possess the horse for that, right? Well, yeah, I feel like L Diamond Phillips made it worse here. Yeah. Mostly his fault because this horse attack starts happening. Horse attack. That's what we're wiring his gun into the air right next to what is happening. He's just like gunfire, calm down, demon horse, calm down, gunfire, calm down. And people who are running everywhere, enough of this pandemonium. I'll fire a gun in the air It's good thing those bullets stay in the air after you fire them too, or that would be dangerous Well, let's start looking for the bad guy. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I know they're not going for Comedy trampling here, but I only know that from context clues this This horse rear and back up to trample on the

partner some more. It's like biggie attack in my feet in the morning. And again, like they can't actually squish this actor. So we get this weird like half shot of wooden fake horse hooves, like gently tapping the actor on the chest and him being like, out she I'm getting squished at. But yeah, yes, so the horse stomps the partner to death. We will never see him again. We'll never acknowledge that that's what happened, but yes, that's what happened. So it's time for our chasing car chasing a horse. And if you want to know how broke this fucking movie is, the guy literally

pushes his fruit card out of the way before the car gets there. It's the best. In fairness, they spent most of their money on the 80s drum fill that starts the chase. Okay, yeah, that's true. That's a lot of drum. Did you do? Did you do? Did you do? Phil Collins. Chase scene. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do him on the roof. Yeah. Well, he jumps out of the car and then he's like, Oh, wait, this psychic is with me. That was stupid. I'm going to need to lock you in this car with this seat belt. And she's like, Yeah, what the fuck? You think you think you're locking

me in the car with a seat? That's nothing. Okay, whatever. Yeah, no, I'm locked. I'm not going to tell you how to get out. There's a secret. Oh, it's like it. Fuck. Yeah, so, but he chases the bag. I catch us up with him on the roof. They have a little roof altercation and then the bad guy just jumps off. Yeah, like five stories up. He's got, uh, super jump now, which I would argue. That's the first power. Super jump. Super jump. That's the one. So. All right, then he chased us. Somebody loses him, of course, because he can jump five stories.

And then doubting cops show up to doubt Lou Diamond's bullshit some more, right? He's like, are you telling me that the bad guy jumped five stories and then ran away? And he's like, yep, he's like, that's like, okay, let's try to forget. If that's if that really happened, then you should make a polite at least. Yeah, one more time. I need you to tell the story in a way that you're not fired right now. That'd be great. I'm going to go and say, oh, okay. Yeah. So I, nope, nope, that's my still the same story.

That's what I'm going to. Oh, and he's like, hey, what happened to my witness? And he's like, yeah, turns out that, nope, that's my still. Nope, nope, no, no, no, that's what I can get. Oh, and he's like, hey, what happened to my witness? And he's like, yeah, turns out that, um, seat belts just open right up. You can just just push the button and it opens. So she's like, well, you know, we don't get to just take people, right? Like there's a cop. I do not know that. Oh, and I love, by the way, that the two doubting cops are rousing him this whole time.

His partner was stopped to death by a horse an hour and eight minutes ago and they're like, we have this fucking idiot over here. Never a better opportunity to roast. Yeah. And then of course they end to that scene by having another uniform cop come in and say, sir, they got Mazza. We have no idea who the fuck Mazza is, right? And when we see him, he's 300 yards away from us in the distance way up on top of something and shit. So for the longest time, they're like, oh my God, Mazza, we're like, we don't know who that is. Lou Diamond

Films doesn't know who that is. He comes out of the scene and he's like, was he in the movie? Was this guy in? Was he the one making out with the, I think he was the one making out with the blow up though, right? Is that, we didn't do names. Did we do names? Was that his position?

Are we expecting our audience to take notes? It seems like a lot. Ask our audience to take notes. Yeah seems like a lot. Ask our audience to take notes. Yeah, but the bad guys have hung Mazza up, like Crucifixion style way up on some grater where how in the world would they ever have even gotten up there? We don't know the movie never tells us. Well, they kind of do, I mean,

one cop is like how'd they get him up there? And it's like, well, I don't know, probably the reverse of the way we're getting him down right now. We're using a crane. So yeah, yeah, so they get it, they get the body down with a crane. They set it over where there's a lot of water

for dramatic effect. There are dry places where they could have set it, but you know, it's more dramatic. I know. Why did they choose ankle deep water for this sea? Whatever grovy toss this scene might have had. And that is just I already I doubt it, just as the words come out of my mouth is definitely

destroyed as we watch. Lubat time in Phillips slosh over to the body of his and my socks are going to be cold. I hate this. My dusters way too long for me. It's dipping in this lens. Ungainly. I'm still wearing this. Just next to Silvia Plath, too shallow. Yeah. That's the next look joke. Thank you. All right. So so Lou goes to the church because he knew our audience would be wondering if any of this bullshit

counted, right? So he goes to a Catholic church. Yeah. He sees his crucifix teasing him by doing the pose that his dead cop bunny was just doing, right? Yeah. And then he goes into confess. And this is the first time I ever realized that confessional has had little occupied signs

like airplane toilets. He gets in with this preacher and he's like, uh, hey, preacher, it's been a while, but, um, one of the guys I caught is a force now. Do you have any empty force? Magic. Psychic shit. Yeah. Well, so first we have to learn, of course, that he, he doesn't really believe it all

this religious stuff because his dad died. Now, this is an action movie, not a Christian movie. So his dad was shot instead of dying in a car accident or off cancer, but it's basically the same basic principle. Yeah, you get it half the bingo square, half the bingo square. There you go. Yeah. And then he tries to ask like, can people rise from the dead, right?

Can like people reanimate? But it's so badly scripted that he's like, father. I need to know Do people die stupid? That's seriously your question. No, I meant then not they don't Okay, something with a demon. Do you have a quote? Yeah, demon. Is it a demon demon into the question is That's what you're trying to get at Yeah, yeah, he says to the preacher, he's like, hey man, so is demonic possession is that?

And they're like, oh yeah, no, that's totally absolutely legit. Totally. He's like, how do you know for sure? And he's like, because I'm the killer and he leaves that and I'm the killer. Except it's all just a tree. It is. And I love by the way, how he reveals himself with the, let me ask your question.

Yes, right. Yeah. He asked the father. He's like, okay, so how do you defeat a demon? And father's like, well, let me answer your question with a question. My question is, knife throw. Giant, slim knife flies out at him. It's the best.

Yeah. Right. So he leaps out of the confessional booth. He's waving his gun around, right? Yep. Because, you know, he's only had like six of these

crazy visions of shit that haven't turned out to be real up to this point. You might as well start shooting at him at this point. Yep. Yep. And the demon is now up on the stage dressed as the priest. you'll up to this point, you might as well start shooting at him at this point. Yeah. And the demon is now up on the stage dressed as the priest. And I love that he was taunting Jesus. He's like, look, look, I'm Jesus. He stands like this. Stupid fucking Jesus on the crucified.

I like savers who don't get crucified. Idiot. Yeah. And then he just, he, the bad guy goes, oh Ravale's gale over him and leaps out the stained glass window with the, with the super jump. Yeah. Demon magic is mostly jumping based, very jumping based. We will learn in this.

So far, yeah, there's a lot of parkour moves in demonology. And then we have this chasing for no discernible reason, right? He chases the bad guy. Like there was no reason for the bad guy to reveal himself at this point. The bad guy is, you know, getting chased for the sake of getting chased. So he runs into this CD motel. And there's all these homeless people sitting around and he's like looking at all them to see which one looks most demon business. Yeah. So tell us also the DMV in their lobby of their hotel.

Yeah. I wrote this is where people are when they aren't at a casino. Yeah. Yeah. So, but he looks around and one of the homeless people kind of like points upwards to me is like, no, he's up there and the guy you're looking for. Right. So, he goes upstairs and the bag I get the jump on him

and kills him with a bat. But don't worry, that was just a psychic vision that psychic lady was having. How much of it? Fuck you. Where are we already in a dream, a second of a guy? It doesn't matter. Yeah, right.

Yeah, exactly. Some of none of this happened. But yeah, so she runs to this motel or she actually, she runs to a cab and says, take me to the CDS motel you've got. I guess. Where her premonition started with, oh, look, the sign of the Baltimore hotel. Now, let me watch this murder in my premonition. Now let me go there in real life. Yeah, right, right, exactly. So, yeah, so she's running that way.

And then, of course, now Lou is like living out the psychic prediction. He's going into the hotel so we get to watch that scene. We just watched again, which is fun. But she stops. She's like, Logan right before he's about to get killed by the killer guy. Yeah, exactly. And then so we get killed by the killer guy. Yeah, exactly. And then so we get the big bat fight then. She also stops the killer guy for a second with her magical amulet trick.

Yes. He's got the axe or the bat and he's about to swing it at the time. Phillips. She's like, look at this pentagram coin that I have. That's an automatic timeout. You have to take a time out and he's like, I do have to get time out. That is an automatic timeout.

But after five seconds, I believe the rules say that I am allowed to use this ceiling fan chainsaw that has a jet engine inside. I was like, what? I was like, all right. and chain saw that has a jet engine inside. That's my second one. What? I raised this. All right. This movie just graduated, right?

So like up until now, it was just stupid, but this made it amazing stupid. This was fan-fucking-tastic. It's blocking bullets. It's the best. Yes. So the killer reaches up, holds the ceiling fan out of the ceiling and then turns it on them as though he's trying to blow them away with it, but it starts whirling like a fucking buzz saw.

They start back and we, no idea what they're back like. They're like, oh, that's gonna modulate the fuck out of our voices. I don't know what they're going for there, but then like Lou Diamond Phillips is shooting at it, but it's bulletproof and eventually it like runs them out the window. Oh, I wanted to see somebody else at this hotel turn on the ceiling fan somewhere else and like click it a fourth time and be like, oh my God.

Yeah, so but they get to, I don't know, sorry, they get outside. Lou Diamond Phillips steals a car. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha guy goes, hey, I'm not one of those assholes who doesn't love the cops, which means that the movie basically goes, stop, police business and he's like, blue lives matter. Have my car. Yes. Yep. But yeah, so the bad guy jumps off the roof because remember, he has roof jumping powers. So he jumps down under the car and we get the a good old fashioned 1980s guy on the hood scene, which graduates to guy on the hood scene Which graduates to guy on the roof of the car scene eventually they knock him off though by driving through one of those

Drive through dumpsters Yep, they have in the world Fucking knows all right, so they stop the car right and they're like hey, man Sorry that we drove your car through a dumpster and he's like, no, it's okay, blue lives matter, right? I'm probably hooked up with this. I'm still gonna vote for Trump in 2016 and 2012. Okay, okay, you're out of the movie now, thank you. I'm gonna get back in the line for the drive through dumpster. That was so fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Wee. Yeah. All right, so Lew and the psychic wandroff for a little exposition. Hot dog guy! This is the best character! No, I'm sorry.

Look, so they're talking about their older spiritual weird shit and the hot dog guy is standing right behind him going like, oh fuck are you guys smoking, right? The best. They're literally just describing exactly the crazy thing they think happened to them. All right, all I know is you're being attacked by a demon spirit who has given maybe immortality by Satan or God or something. And hot dog, I was just standing two feet away from them being like, okay, well, that sounds fun.

Do you guys want to fucking hot dog or not? And they have, hey, credit work register. They have a genuinely funny comedy moment here. Like they realize, oh, we've been talking about demons in front of the hot dog guy. And he goes, yeah, she just got out of the hospital. And hot dog guys like, you might want to put her back in there. I laughed. I laughed for the hard. You want a hot dog before you go back into the asylum? Great. All right. So yeah, you guys thought he was the best character.

My favorite character was the guy who walks up to him afterwards right like after he delivers that fun little joke and says Can I get a hot dog plane? What you the fuck each up fucking meet on a bun the hot dog. What are you for? I would like a sausage, but I don't. I also want my chest to hurt afterwards. Do you have a, I'd like a hot dog cut up into small pieces on a plate. Please. Could you pre-choose some of it?

I don't know how good. Do you sell noodles with a little bit of butter? No, all right. Then a plain hot dog would be fine. And a juice. Okay. Yeah, all right. So yeah, but you know, he's like, okay, what do we do now?

Like, what's the plot of this fucking movie anyway? She's like, you know what? I know a psychic that's way better than me. Maybe she can help us. And by the way, no. Nope, like they go, they're gonna go see Margarit, the nun from the beginning of the movie. Any ball of the psychic.

Yeah, but like she will never have psychic powers or anything. Or be useful in any way. Yeah. Yeah, nobody will, but she definitely will. No, yeah, exactly. So they go to the nunnery to see her and they get to the, there's a lady that like, I guess the balancer at the nunnery

is like trying to turn them away. Right. So it's like, tell her it's police business and ladies like, yeah, we'll tell you to fuck off. But she's like, okay, tell her it's spiritual business. She's like, oh, okay, well, in that case, that is our market.

Yeah. Man, okay, Riffra covered me on the police matter. Yeah. We don't have laws here for laws,, okay, Riffra covered me on the police matter. We don't have laws here for laws, but okay, speech had magic. Yeah, right. Exactly. Okay, so yeah, so they take them to Sister Margarita's weird basement cell where she has like a thing that she can slide back and talk to him for only a second, but only a second.

I wanted her to be like, I'm on the toilet. This is not the, my room is down the hall. If you guys wanna. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Nothing. Really, nothing at all. It's like it's act two. No, I can't. Yeah. Your your exposition is in another castle. She says the church doesn't let us talk about that. We're not allowed to talk about the first power. And Phillips jumps in with his best line in the movie. He's like, oh, yeah, okay. So not to be disrespectful, but fuck the church in the face. We'll get to know you have to tell us. Yeah, right. Yeah, the more you know there, Lou. Yeah.

So, but the none is like, you know, forget the first power. And I'm like, well, I mean, up until the fans seen that was really easy to do. But now this one's going to stick with me. But clearly this none is going to be no help at all in act two So we'll see if we can speed things up for him by taking a break here. First off, let me give act three the hard sell Can they track down the demonic spirit in time? What the fuck would they do with it if they found it? What were they afraid the ceiling fan was gonna do?

Find out the answers to these questions and more. Well, we return for the underwhelming conclusion of the first power. They play out that scene. It's just like, tt tt tt tt. Out. You're an asshole. Stop against my arm. They reach over and just pull the little pull chain. It slows down.

Now I got to pull it three more times. Three or four. I'll be. I got them. You can't hell right away. Now, if you listen for it, you can tell if you listen, you got to listen. I'm doing the clicks. Stop screaming. Time out. Time out. Time out.

You got a time out earlier. I call time out for my fan thing. Pull up. You know, use your medallion. Here's a regular pointing star. You have time out. Damn it. He still hasn't texted me back.

Hey, Noah. Oh, uh... to his fine wait what uh... he says two o'clock is fine okay but why didn't he just text me oh uh... yet he realized how much he was spending on a cell phone bill and it's just a lot cheaper to send me so uh... yeah he says to his fine

well why doesn't he just switch over to mint mobile okay one second. No, I don't just run off. Yeah, man. Ah, ah, ah, he says, what's Mint Mobile? No, one second. I'll be right back. This is going to take forever. Okay, sorry, sorry, he says, what's Mint Mobile? They were the first company to sell premium wireless service online only. And now Mint Mobile is introducing their unlimited data plan for just 30 bucks a month. Wow, just 30 bucks a month?

That's right. All plans come with unlimited token text plus high speed data delivered on the oldest largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any mint mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts. And if you're not 100% satisfied, mint mobile has you covered with their seven day money back guarantee. That sounds awesome.

Wait, where can he sign up? Well, to get your new unlimited wireless plan for just 30 bucks a month and get the plan shipped directly to your door for free. Go to mintmobile.com slash cam. That's mint mobile dot com slash cam. Cut your unlimited wireless bill to 30 bucks a month at mint mobile dot com slash cam. Nice. I can't wait to tell he's the good news. Oh yeah. Oh, and hey, hey, when you do, Do you give him this egg plant? Sure. Why? Oh, he'll know. Lord Satan, I summon thee, grant me your will. Who summoned Satan the morning star? I am your humble servant, Satan.

Please grant me the power so that I may kill in your name. Yes, it is granted You may die, but you will rise again Lord Satan Hello Lord Satan I just quick thing. Yes, my servant. Hi, yeah, right. It still hurts. What does? Dying.

Well, yeah. Right. Yeah, so the whole first power thing, where I come back to life, I still have to die. Like, you do. Yeah, right. No, you, I'm'm sure what is the problem? Well, I mean, it like really, really hurts when that happens. I don't like like the gas chamber that happened, then I got shot, jumped off a building,

all that stuff happened. And I can't stress this enough. It really, really fucking hurts so much. It's so bad. All right, all right, all right. Tell you what, tell you what, how about I also grant you the third power, the power to possess drug addicts? Sorry, the power to possess drug addicts. Just them just them. Yes.

I mean, I feel like regular non-addicted people would be more like useful. Sure. Okay. It has to be drug addicts. Okay. Okay. That's weird. Anyway, follow up just because, you know, fool me once.

When I'm possessing drug addicts, am I gonna spend most of my time wanting drugs really, really bad cause of the body? I'm in, whoa. I mean, probably, yeah. Okay. Here's dick. And we're back for still more of this shit. And now I guess, but can Lew and Tess are partners now. So we're going to rejoin them driving around looking for clues. This is where they

stop and get a drink together, go to the bar. So fucking stupid. This scene exists only to torture heath, right? It's just like all the things. I was curious. All the things heath doesn't want you to do in a bar. This actress does in the pace of four seconds. So ridiculous. She points out that the scotch is, quote, watered down. I wrote my notes. Bartenders love this. Always do this because they love this. Yeah. I put a lot of water in your scotch neat that you watch me pour from the God damn it. And then she takes the bottle.

Oh, yeah, but like, nope, with a little poor thing on it. He's doing that. No, somebody just opened the door with your face and you're on the sidewalk. Well, what I love is one I wrote, they love that even more. Definitely do that. I love the idea that she can't take the little

drink thingy pour her out. And so she's like, now we can finally have only announced it a time. Shit. We got to shake it. We got to shake it. This is a real shot. It's like an ounce and a quarter to an ounce. This is ridiculous. It's can't even get that much. Yeah, also she orders a scotch just like, I'll have a scotch. The alcohol type, please. Get the fuck out of here. One alcohols, please. And then they leave without paying for the drinks. I was rooting so hard for a bartender to run out and side tackle her as they're right. They do. Yeah. Yeah. I was rooting so hard for a bartender to run out and side tackle her as the leaving. Yeah. Well, so it turns out that the reason that there isn't even a drink to begin with,

it's so that she can help him work through his dead dad trauma because his dad got killed in a bar. I guess. But yes, but they have a fight, right? Like he's like, oh, yeah. Well, this is why your boyfriend doesn't want a DE psychic bitch. And she's like, oh, fuck. And she wand fight right like he's like, oh yeah, well, this is why your boyfriend doesn't want a d-e-sike bitch And she's like, oh fuck and she wanders off and he's like oh Well, that's not productive. We don't have enough movie for us to have a conflict So he just chases her down. He's like totally sorry about that Resolved and she's like yeah, we're so we don't have time for a whole big conflict We're not paying the bills she stormed out

So they decided that they're gonna go to the serial killer's house, right? We're not paying the bills. She stormed out. Yeah, who wrote exactly? So they decided that they're going to go to the serial killer's house, right? Who also had a mansion for some reason? Apparently, yeah. And his grandma is there. She has old lady only opens the door of crack syndrome, which is so common in cop movies. They're like, hello, your son was a serial killer, right? And then they go into the line. They're like, oh, we're actually from the newspaper. And we know he was innocent.

If you let us in, we'll explain. Yeah, right. We are here from the newspaper times. And we know how much the family members of serial killers love to talk to reporters. So we've decided to pretend to be them. We're from next door. We heard you have been asking about why people are walking across your lawn.

Oh, yes, come right in. All right. Yeah. Right. Right. So they start looking around at their photos. There's one great one. She goes, that was my husband. He was a good man, the good,

all die young. And I'm like, that's a weird thing for an old lady to say. Wait, that's right. The old. You big fan. I guess what I'm saying is I fuck. You know what I'm saying? Can't help but notice there's three of us and some thing could be going on later. Also, by the way, I should point out that there is like music box music in the background of this scene because like that's pretty. To the point where I had to like take my headphones off to see if there was a goddamn ice cream

truck driving by my house. Yeah. Yeah. The grandma takes them into Channing, the murderers old childhood room. Yeah. Yeah. And that crazy music's playing the whole time. And she's explaining how he was great. She's like, yeah, he's great kids to require. Heated people always had a music box playing in minor keys.

Great kid. No. Great kid. No. About trying to sing night. His knife would always go sing. He played the knife in orchestra. I love to like the psychic ladies starts going all psychic, right? They're in his bedroom, his childhood bedroom. And she's like, oh, he used to come in here at night.

I'm like, it's this fucking bedroom lady. You're gonna have to do better than that. What's greatest? They're trying to do that grandpa came in and had sex with his daughter while grandma watched and that serial killer guy is the result of that. Right. But this movie, I guess, was PG 13? Or I assume it's not our yeah, right. They're

definitely doing the not R rated version of psychic description of that. It's like oh, no, not in my no no bits. That would be a whoopsie of the highest order. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they're being coy about it, but but it's at this point, of course, that the old lady says wait a minute This isn't right reporters don't usually go into weird psychic monologues in the middle of their reporting And that's when she recognizes Lou Diamondville. She's like, hey, wait a minute. You're no fucking reporter You're that guy from La Bomba get out of here Kicks him all out and can I just say hard to reclaim the moral high ground when you let your husband bone your daughter lady like maybe maybe you take a back seat in this particular argument.

Oh, all right. So then they leave that house testers running off to the hills for reasons unknown to us, the viewer and Lou Diamond Phillips, the character. Right. No idea why. And Lou Diamond Phillips has to run up a hill for the second. I'm not happy about this.

He does not do well at all. Yeah, but he gets to play with his zip-o more, right? Like she runs into this dark tunnel, water treatment center area, whatever. When he has to light his way with his zip oh that zip oh comes in awfully handy in this film yeah he's just running behind her being like stop running into weird places without explaining what do you do it I don't understand the progression of this film makes no sense there's no urgency for you not to explain god damn it okay I can't see now. Are you

are you taking us to the end of the movie? Yeah, but eventually they wind up in this unsafe tunnel filled with poison water or something. A guy comes in and tells them like, oh, this area is all poisonous because of the earthquake or there's never a reason why any of that. And none of it will ever, I mean, it pays off in that it is about to be used in 10 minutes when the movie ends, but like, not in a way that matters or makes any sense, he just pops in and he's like, right, so this big wheel here, let's a bench of water into the room.

Oh, what if I turn the big wheel? No, don't do that. I'm turning it. Yeah, psychic. Psychic is turning this big wheel for a second like she's playing with it. And he's like, don't play with anything. Please don't play with anything. What did I just say? Sorry, I forgot what scene we were shooting. Yes. Right. But he had just explained that an earthquake happened. And this is the old water system that they don't use anymore. But rather than like shut it off, they kept water flowing

to it and the city pays this guy to just kick people out of that area. So they don't turn the big wheel on and fuck everything. I'm spuzzing. I'm cheaper than a padlock. Yeah. Right. But then she realizes that the serial killer's spirit is mad at them. He's hanging out in this happy place, and they're fucking it up.

He can't go while they watch, right? Or something along those lines. She gets devil stick moda on her hands, right in this moment. But what's amazing is the two characters look at each other like, it's probably just a vision, right? Or a dream or something. And he's like, yeah, pretty much everything

that's happened in the movies of vision and sure enough, idiots of vision. So they're like, say, tell Jeff, right? Yeah, exactly. Don't even do the doodly do. It's fine. We're it's nothing. So, okay. So then we have to cut over to the church for a second. And we see like sister Margarita's going after like the fucking holy hand grenade of Antioch. Right. So we know that she's getting a religious relic, but we're not told what it is just yet. Yeah. Please be Chris of X nonchucks. Please be Chris of X nonchucks. You were so close to that. Yeah, that was so much closer to right than it had any need to be.

But the father walks in while she's doing this and she's like, I wasn't opening the magic box of evil. Okay, I clearly was. I was't opening the magic box of evil. Okay, I clearly was. I was totally opening them. We have magic box of evil. It's like, it's easy. And at the end of the scene, like she convinces him that she needs to use the weapon of Jesus or whatever and he's like, I'll pray for you.

And the scene ends and I just thought to myself, okay, he says that, but like, that's kind of like me ending a conversation with all podcast for you, right? I mean, you're free. That's cool. We're gonna do that anyway. podcast for you, right? I mean, you're free. That's cool. We're gonna do that anyway. Oh, there's also this great moment here too, where she says, you know, she's like, I need

this father. I believe Satan is granted one of his disciples, the first power. And the priest is like resurrection. And she's like, I'm trying to, man, you fucked up all of the goddamn suspense I had built, but yes, resurrection. Why would I even never mind? Also the second power is super jump in the third power is knife. And I'm a knife sing permanent.

My shing. So. All right. So meanwhile, Lewin Tess are leaving the poison sewage tunnel in a hurry. She's had another psychic vision and she realized that somebody close to him is in danger He's like where is it? She's like it's in the next scene. Come on. Okay, you're being really vague

What do you want to tighten up the fucking premonitions a little bit? Well, and at this point I started thinking to myself like if it's not Tested who the fuck else could it be the only other character that we introduced that is close to is his cat. Oh, that would have been at the end of the catch just lying there, strapped down into the Satan circle. No, actually, no, I'm getting the premonition again. It's hot dog guy. So we don't care, right?

He was dead. We don't care. It's actually the guy who ordered from hot dog guy because he was physically closer to us. All right. So, and then the, so the police radio cuts in as they're going to wherever it is that she psyched about to tell Logan that he has to go exactly where the demonic spirit killer tells him to, right? Yep.

So they do that again. See, us cops, we're going like, if anything faster than you without psychic magic, you really don't need to be. Stop. All right. So he goes into this, I guess this mill of some place with a lot of fucking catwalks. And basically, the main bad guy is just telling him, okay, now make a left and he's like, oh, make a left, Tom. Right? Eventually he had some falling through the floor where Wiley satanic painted the big X.

He fell into some quick wood. Right through it. And this is where test reappears again and she's got her amulet, but it doesn't work this time. Yeah, he's like, we can't do that twice in the same movie. Come on. Well, yeah, she tries to do amulet time out and he's like, huh, idiot, you're holding it upside down. Doesn't count. Wow. Okay, if you're going to carry that around, like maybe put this side up on it to remind yourself for like some extra metal to like guide your hand to hold it right.

And they also have a great moment. Her and the killer in this she goes you can't kill people forever. And he's like I can though because I reanimate that's my whole plan. She was like the whole thing. Oh, dip. Wait, yeah, I guess you did I fuck that. Okay, but what if you kill everyone? I mean, that'll take a while. All right, you know what? That's across that bridge more people. So meanwhile, Lou wakes up from his four-story fall without as much as a goddamn limp because 1989, right? Damn right. The quick would lowered him into the next story. Oh, okay, no, that makes sense. So the bad guy is like, he's got his knife. He's got a shing knife out. He's slowly moving it towards Tess's throat gets it there looks around once.

Bring it back slowly. There again has a coughing fit. It's water. Sorry. You put it back in the holster and then pull it back out so I can hear the noise. Is that? Just you really like. Yeah, I really like the noise. I like the noise that it makes. I played this in orchestra. And so, but that's when Lou shows up eventually with his rifle.

No idea where the fucking God of Rifle he didn't have in her ear. Undead karate. Yeah, right. Yes, exactly. We get the back flip this arm. Okay. Now think about the bad guy does a backflip and kicks the rifle out of Lou Diamond Phillips hands that has got to be the least efficient way to disarm somebody think about how loosely you would have to be holding your rifle before that would work

Also definitely also God is there a ceiling fan around here? This is also a guy. Is there a ceiling fan around here? This is pretty. I just did this. Flip and now you're still holding me. I mean, if you had just moved it slightly out of the way, nice flip, though. But yeah, so they get into this fight. Lou Diamond Philips gets his ass handed to him again.

So much. And for so the only theory I have is that this stuntman beat up blue time in Phillips and they were like I mean the cameras were on and the movie right but before the serial killer can kill him test comes up and she's like gotcha and she hits him with a thing and he falls off, but he falls for stories faintly this time. Right. And then turns into one of the Razz doubting cops. Yes, he was doubting cop number two.

It took me a while on this one, but yes, it was Grimes. And again, they do the whole thing where it's like, it was Grimes the whole time, but they're like, and we're like, we don't know what a fuck grimes is, guys. And none, no idea who any of these characters are. So yeah, but so doubting cop one still isn't buying the, you know, doubting cop to decided to kill you defense. Yeah. And by the way, Lou Diamond Phillips is just like, look, I need more time. I know that by all accounts, I just murdered a guy. But please let me roam free for a while longer. And cop one is like, yes.

Yeah. No more murdering other cops from now on. I hadn't said that yet. Don't get an established name. You're a Murray more cops, you little scamp. All right, get out of here. I'm gonna rewind. All right, so yes, so Lou takes test to his place, right? And she just absolutely cannot hide the what a shit hole your place is looking on her

face. Okay, I know we're gonna go through the beats of this scene, but I have a very important question. Was Luke Diamond Phillips told that this was a sex scene and the actress not told that this was a sex scene or vice versa? He vetoed live. We got to tell anybody. Yeah.

I feel like they had the sex music set up and like they did the sax choreography and she was just like This scene means nothing No at one point he does the lean-in thing and tries to like slow everything down like what is Happening right now She completely blocks and he's like still not making out got it stupid No eternal demon thing we're dealing with is more important. You're right, you're right, totally. Okay, what about now?

And yeah, okay. Well, yeah, okay, so first he's got to present his theory of the case, right? Like, she's like, what are we gonna do? And he's like, I have an entire room full of bombs and explosives. We will kill the entire human race until he doesn't have anyone left to possess.

Yes, this movie is so bad it introduces a box of hand grenades that it never uses. No, or explains why he would have. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I wanted an after credit scene where it just shows the box of hand grenades and like there's a subtitle that's like what were these for? Remember these they're just wandering off going like, yes, we'll go fuck ours

Gonna go be in a Schwarzenegger movie use a whole barrel of grenades and his Money Python use the grenades Yeah, but so yeah, so they're just about to go ahead and make a fox scene out of it after all when suddenly they hear noises in the other room and I'm like, oh, please tell me he possessed the cat. We know he can possess animals. He got a horse earlier, but no, no, the the bad guy had possessed a homeless lady that was outside of his building and can now fly. He's popping a wheelie with the homeless lady. He's doing flying tricks as homeless lady outside of the window just to like taunt for a minute. Yep.

Like she's doing the escalator and the canoe going back. Yes. And with any chance that this movie would be taken seriously is ruined by him being like We look at me. I'm a homeless lady now Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, look I'm flying. I don't have to But then she crashes us through the window and then we get to watch the new diamond Philips get his ass kicked by a homeless lady So much goddamn fun to watch. This actress does such a phenomenal job.

She does. She read the script and got it and she was like, Oh, so I'm just gonna fucking beat up Blue Diamond Phillips and say whatever the fuck I walk. They were like, yeah, I got so. Got it. She's great. She's so enthusiastic.

She's dancing around like Apollo creed, stepping back. She was doing the all your shuffle dick punch parkour headbutt. She literally slaps him in the face and kicks him in the balls. I don't care. Yeah. What you say about any move, not enough horror action movies involved a demon kicking the protagonist in the ball. And Lou Donn Phillips was not ready for especially the face slap. He got visibly angry. And it was the best. So yeah, so they escaped from the homeless lady. They get this car and it turns out like they're driving away, but it turns out she was in the car the whole time. And they have this bizarre moment where like she's climbing into the front

seat and grabbing the steering wheel, but like his feet are still on the pedals. Right? That's true. We can still see her feet. He could just stop or even just not continue to accelerate, but instead he's going like, oh my God, all the traffic you're staring at. Oh, this performance is fantastic. Is there a drive-through dumpster around here? This is the time, first time we have a drive-through dumpster. I can't even do one of those in the hurry. But I will say though, like we get a super fucking car wreck at the end of this. Oh, yeah.

Right, the flip the car nine times. That was amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Whichever stuntman did that, now thinks Hollywood is a pedophile, Satanic cult, and made a document for documentary about it. And you know what was helpful is all the cars in the eighties were ramp shaped. Yeah.

So you were able to just like realistically, almost any car you drive into it, you're flipping over none of the either they were either a ramps or boxes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, okay. So, so Lou Diamond Philips, he's in the wreck. He wakes up from his car accident and the psychic lady is nowhere to be seen and neither is the homeless lady.

They're gone. So, okay. Now he goes back to see the none, right? He's like, I know we introduce you for a fucking reason. It doesn't make any goddamn sense if you're not in the third act. She's like, okay, all right. I'll help you, but you have to click, yes, on all the terms and conditions first. Let me. Okay. Okay. Great. Clicking it, any chance you have a magic box of demon killing stuff. Oh, you do. Cause, because we were here

earlier, feels like you could have said something about that. You knew we were going to go fight a demon, right? So like you, okay. Yeah. So so first you have to explain the three powers, right? She has to explain the title And then she says and he's like, but what can we do? And she's like, well, there's only one way to stop him and he's like, what is it? And and she's like it's no as best worst And it's the greatest thing of all goddamn time So she pulls out this crucifix and we're like, oh, it's just a crucifix, but then, it's a knife.

It's a knife crucifix. And she very clearly surprises him with it because she says she goes the only soul in history who had all three powers. And he's like, oh, Jesus. And she's like, no, Jesus knife. Sharp piece. All three powers and he's like, oh Jesus, and she's like, no, Jesus knife I was doing a bit I was doing a title drop and then

Yes, and that's why this movie counts absolutely forgot off on movies the main Whole fucking movie is written around that amazing moment when she opens the crew so fixed. Do you know what, go back out. I'm going to explain it to you again. I don't like what happened there. I would be happy if this movie just replayed that scene over and over again until the credits. Okay. So now, so the none and Lou Diamond Phillips, they have to go after the psychic lady.

So they go into LA's endless labyrinth of underground tunnels and catacombs and mazes and shit, right? Yeah. And the nuns like, hey, you know what, I'm out past curfew anyway. What up? Fuck, where were I? No, you okay? We got to go ahead. You got to test my bad.

Sorry. I'm just, you know, I don't know. Saw this. All right. So, but Lou eventually pops out and he sees tests all like Satan rich old up But Homeless lady is waiting to pound son. I'm like a goddamn ninja Hanging above the door like doing like a fan damn split or something

Yeah, and she must have been there for a while right? Yeah, you know So she was just like, okay, poised on the ceiling like a spider, ready to go. But look, all right, I really didn't think this through. Words with friends is taking a while. Try to make conversation with tests. I'm thinking of a thing. You know, is it Jesus knife?

Yeah, actually. All right, so yeah, so they get into a fight right the old lady starts beating up blue diamond Phillips again Which is great, but he has a gun so he shoots her, but she's bulletproof, but not But not in the forehead. I don't He shoots her and she's like oh, oh, and then he shoots her in the head. She's like now that one will do it This is why you always bring a ceiling fan. Yeah. Yeah.

Note to self. Yeah. Sealing fan for next time. Yeah. So yeah, but now that's not enough, right? They have to set the old ladies corpse on fire. They have the Jesus night at this moment, right? They could just stab her with the, but they don't.

They set her on fire. And then they stand there and watch it for a bit. Like we watch them go like quick, we've got to get out of here. But okay, let's watch the fire for a second. Yeah, I know. I want to watch the fire a little bit. It'll start stinking in a minute, but not right away. All right.

Yeah. So afterwards they hustle out out of the sewers. Fire. But damn it, if sister Marker eat the none isn't bucking around in the tunnel because she's demon possessed now. I forgot the none. I got to go back and get the none. So this is a none who drinks and uses heroin. That's what we must assume. Well, that's because that's what they established earlier, right? That he could only possess people who are weak of mind and who are alcoholics? And yeah, but no, but now also the none.

Interesting. Yeah. So, but now Lou has to fight the none, which can also. Again, and we should be clear, get the shit kicked out of him by a nut. Yeah, oh, yes, exactly. There will never be a fight scene in this movie where Lou Diamond Phillips isn't just getting

trashed by whatever the other person is. Yeah. So they have a fight. He loses, obviously, and gets disarmed. And now none possessed by demon has the gun. And it lood. The only thing you can do is like, taunt her, him, taunt the demon inside the nun. So he's like, oh man. So I

heard your grandpa's your dad And demons like shut up. Okay, so up until this point there's been no indication that the people bad guy possesses can fight him With or without Jesus powers, right? There's never been an indication that he has anything but complete control over these people. But Lou Diamond Phillips declares it like the floor is lava. He's like, Margaret, you can fight him. Fight him with your powers.

Also your grandpa was your dad and he's like, okay, that's not cool. Come on. No need for that. Yeah, right. So the nun fights her way through and she pulls out the Jesus nice and she goes to just stab herself, right? Because she's like, oh, this is a land of movie right away. But he fights through, I guess, and takes control of her.

And this is when the nun physically transforms into him or else, yeah, that's what just what Lou Diamond Philips is saying. I don't know because he's at this point, Lou Diamond Philips has to punch the guy in the head a bunch of times, and I think he was just like, I'm not punching the none. So. That makes sense.

And meanwhile, Tess is off to the side, and she's playing with the giant water wheel thing again. Oh, you're right. Yeah, she's kind of obsessed with that fucking thing. Yeah, Lou Diamond Philips looks over. He's like, Tess, are going to flood the room with water? Don't do that. Definitely don't do that. I would not help us.

Everyone knows. Everyone knows demons hate getting wet. Cause they're what? Trust me. It is great. We have not set up that this will help either of you at all. Remember the guy told you definitely, oh my god, you did it. Okay. I'm dying. I already did it. There better not be an acid bath somewhere in this public water system. We're going to be in trouble.

It's going to be dangerous. Yeah, right. So she opens the sewage pipe, but she runs down to where it's going to get her, right? Like because she's above it. And first she opens the thing and then she runs down before the sewage can start flooding in so that she can get in on the fun. Now luckily, they fell into one of the sewer's many fine water slides. This is so fucking stupid.

We spent like three minutes watching her and the bad guy just we either way down water slides. You remember in the goonies? You remember? Right. Yeah. So. All right. So they get out of the water slide and that one's just psychic girl and demon bag guy who looks like the serial

killer now for whatever reason. And the crucifix nice falls under the platform that they're on. And she's like, ah, your one weakness that I as a character don't know about yet. But then it falls through a gap. Yep. Oh, never mind. That is sharp crucifix. No, never mind. Never mind. And below them, as he has already hit that, is an open that of bubbling ass.

Yes, just bubbling, broiling, explosively flammable acid. Why would you have that? To be fair, he's this movie is set in LA. So I have so many questions about the municipal artists. I'm pretty sure that's just what the reins like there. But yeah, so yeah, yeah, exactly. So he's about to kill Tess again. He's doing his, whatever, his count down, he's like, I'm gonna kill you in five, four. And then Lou Diamond Phillips comes down the water slide

and grabs him, you know, attacks him. So they rest a little around a little bit. And he's like, nope, this is the one time I am not gonna get my ass kicked. So he pulls out the goddamn zippo. Now this fucking movie didn't have the sense to ever do anything with the right fold that he had or the big box of fucking handguns, but check off zip. Oh, come on, Andy right here. He likes the

zip and just like holds it to the bad guy's face. And he's like, oh, my eyebrows, you fuck. Oh, we forever to grow back. And then he throws him into the vat of acid. Right. Where you bruised me by throwing a gun earlier, same spot. Same spot. Lot of really minor damage to me. I'm not just. But yes, so he throws the bad guy into the acid.

And the bad guy's like thrashing around in the acid. It's like, you know, that's not probably going to do the trick just the acid. So he throws his, his Zimpo in there. It turns out, of course, it's exploding flamey acid as well. Right. Yep. And would that be useful to the water system? They had a thing of acid and somebody was like, well, does it blow up though? Again, he's LA Los Angeles. So he is said in Los Angeles. So he, he go, they go downstairs, they go to the bottom where the acid bath is, and wouldn't you know what? Dammit, if the bad guy doesn't leap out of the acid bath on fire and continue to fight them and explain to them the premise again. Oh yeah, no, I'm, do you guys not get, I'm immortal and I teleport.

What makes you think any of that would work? Or anything ever? Yeah, so Lou fights with him a little bit. He gets the crucifix knife this time, right? So he's about to stab the bad guy and the bad guy turns back into a nun. And at just that moment, a couple of beat cops come in and they're like,

dude, are you about to stab that nun with that crucifix? Don't do that. He's like, listen, guys, I need you to trust me on this. It definitely makes sense for me to stab this nun right now. So I'm gonna do it. Be cool. And they're like, no. You're stabbing a lady.

She's a nun. So yeah, so they stabbing a lady. She's a nun. So yeah, so they, yeah, right. No, fucking Lou Diamond Phillips is like heroically stabs a nun at the end of this movie, right? Cause he turns back into a nun. Yeah. So and the nun's like, no, no, it's okay. I'm a nun.

I mean, it's what being a nun is better than being dead. Come on. Give me a break. So he stabs her to death. The cops shoot him. Right. But the bad guy has gone. So final scene, we get tests. She's standing over a lose unconscious body in the hospital. Which suddenly he attacks her. It was all a dream. But it was a dream. Or what's it? Thursday. The end. The end?

Or what? I expected the film to like Fritter Array and for the director just to be sitting there. Oh, shit. Sorry. I just reading this the first time. Is it? Yes. All right.

So the obvious question to close. Where does this one rank in Lou Diamond Phillips filmography for you guys? Okay, I'm going to go below the bomb, but above his bit part on the George Lopez show. Okay, so in his filmography, it was where Eli put it. Heath, can you be any more specific? I say it beats everything except for standing deliver. Oh, I know. I mean, Jaime Escalante, but it's got Jesus knife beats all the other ones.

Well, so I was going to put it right between bats and the big hit. And anyone who's familiar with his fucking filmography knows which of is that those it's above and which is below. So we're not going to get in any details. All right. So while that does it for our review of the first power, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to keep Eli's October. Scarom, O'Neill or whatever going so you like what's on deck. Here the reswank is a former Christian missionary who specializes in debunking religious phenomena. Oh, no, that is until she investigates a small town, which seems to be suffering from 10. Yes, yes. We're watching the reaping.

The only the reaping. All right. So with a little reaping to look forward to, we're going to bring up a episode 268 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com.com. So I got off on there by your own way access to an ad free version of our re episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review end by sharing the show and all

your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this, show me sure to check out the sibling shows of the skating aid, the citation needed D&D minus in the sky for credit, available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email got off on movies at gmail.com, link the services of this podcast provided by the law of this is a P. Android retortist, temper option, takes care of our social media, our themes are written and performed by Ryan Salatine, people with your own son and bars, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Korgam, was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen, right? Neely, I'm Bob Znik, I'm Noelusius, promise to work hard or earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close Lou Diamond Phillips went on to go to jail for murdering a cop Because he was a demon who attacked me. It's not a real defense to the writers It took weeks for LA to get all of that none out of its acid supply. Or was it?

You have to stop that. Or do you? Yes. Brett Kavanaugh's a repist. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2020 all rights reserved.