God Awful Movies - 272: Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son in Law

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

This week, Andrew Torrez joins us for an atheist review of "Petey Wheatstraw", the story of the cut throat world of 1970s stand up comedy, and the role that Satan, Prince of Darkness, plays in the same. --- Hear more from Andrew Torrez here: https://openargs.com/ --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

You ever seen a dolomite movie this band is in it and they can only do this quote line But yeah, okay, so they just are playing the same stands over and over and as though that's all the fucking Brites they could afford. Yep, see I in my notes, see what I like about funk, cause you only need to write nine notes, and then you just play them until the 70s are over. Ha ha ha ha ha! Movie! Movie! Movie! Movie! Welcome back to the Gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because Eli tricked me. I'm your host, Noah Luzon, so unfortunately Heath won't be able to join us this week because he's sitting in line waiting to vote,

which is all the more impressive when you consider that we record these on Friday, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic. Well, honestly, I don't know when people are listening to this episode. I'm either fantastic or awful. Yeah, I am nowhere in between. Yep. Okay. Yeah, there you go. That's fair. That's fair, except for the patrons in which case, you're just on the fucking edge, right? Exactly. Yep. Okay. Yeah. There you go. That's fair. That's fair, except for the patrons in which case you're just on the fucking edge, right? Exactly. Yeah. And sitting 724.4 miles to my northeast is the host of the opening arguments podcast and returning guest massacres Andrew Torres. Andrew, welcome back for the second week in a row, sir. Yeah. Thanks. Noah,

I guess I'm what counts as diversity here. What I am sure will be a sensitive and thoughtful evaluation of this film. You know, opening arguments has been a little bit too friendly lately. We need to make sure that that's when they start expanding the court, we need to make sure you are definitely not on the list. I'm pretty sure this will get me that last strike. Oh, I've always wanted to do this. Tell us Noah. What will we be breaking down today? We watched PD Wheat Straw. It's the story of the cutthroat murderous world of stand up comedy and the innocent victims that die and or have to fuck Satan's daughter in the crossfire. The age old tale and Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you miss the housey on days of SNL sketches being turned into movies, but they were just way too classy for you, way too fleshed out. You will love this movie. It is fair to say that PD Weedstra does not rise to the level of the black exploitation genre. That is true. This is Dolomite minus the trademark rights and the high production values you've come to associate with it.

Apropos of nothing. You know, what movie is three times longer than I remember. In the last time I drink and lay watch to do college. Yeah, the one thing I love about black exploitation movies is that the production quality is always so bad, bad lighting, bad makeup, bad costuming, bad writing, bad directing, and the music is always fucking stellar. have had the pd week strut them in my Absolutely what 100% always was there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at yeah I'll take best worst hey

Maybe I shouldn't have joke that was a joke about how great next week's guest was gonna get it online Live you learn yep, there you go. I spent the whole movie going I bet Andrew remembers it being better than that You are correct sir. All right speaking of which I'm gonna go with best worst Poop joke. Oh I cut my teeth on poop jokes, right? Like one of my proudest moments still is episode two of the Skating Atheist where I believe we cram something like 47 poop jokes into an eight minute skater,

something like that. I'm proud of that stuff, but this is not just the worst poop jokes that I've ever seen. These are the best worst poop jokes. A fucking creator of poop jokes can look at these poop jokes and go, all right, that's some lowbrow shits. And I was going to go with best worst tonal shit. Don't really want to spoil it, but let's just say that this film takes a very, very strange turn.

It's not all that unusual to ride that line between comedy and tragedy, but it's real unusual to just divert and then come back so quickly. Yeah. Get off and get gas at tragedy and then get right back on the highway to comedy. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Don't cry. Yeah. All right. Well, tell you what, we're about to chase this plattle over the fucking map. So we're going to need a minute to stretch our quads, but we'll be back in a flash with a random consecutive events that are PD Weech straw. And again, I just want to emphasize, my client is very sorry and we'll bring the monkey back to the zoo today.

Yeah, okay, okay. Thank you for your understanding, I appreciate it. Hey Andrew, how much up to? Oh, just cleaning up after Eli again. It is murder on my cell phone bill. Murder bill with a cell phone, got it. No, there's another one. Well, why don't you just try Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile?

Well, asked Andrew, they were the first company to sell premium wireless service online only, and now Mint Mobile is introducing their unlimited plan for just 30 bucks a month. Wait, unlimited data for just 30 bucks a month? That's way cheaper than what I'm paying now. You bet it is. All plans come with unlimited talk and text

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That's mintmobile.com slash gam. Cut your unlimited wireless build a 30 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash gam. Alright, Noah, I'm in. Andrew, Andrew, Bill Barkhats is a bill, right? Even though it's William. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Technically he does. Nice. You're not gonna stop him before he goes. No, I am not.

That was for you, middle of all. Mr. Dolomite, come on in. Thank you. It is that. Temporarily successful comedian Dolomite. Right. in. Thank you. It is I, temporarily successful comedian Dolomite. Right. Right. Now, you said you were interested in making another movie. That is correct. A Kung Fu comedy, if you will. Oh, wow. I had no idea that you knew Kung Fu.

I do not. And as will become apparent in this film, I do not know comedy either. Okay, all right, no problem. So what do we think it for a plot? Well, it will mostly be about two fat motherfuckers who owe me money from a comedy gig I did in St. Louis and my quest for revenge against them. Okay. But when that plot is over, I will fight the devil so that I do not have to fuck an ugly woman

Okay, so usually plots just you know, it's like one plot per movie. Oh, I assure you that there will not be one plot in this movie Let alone multiples. Oh, okay. Well, well, Mr. Dolomite that that sounds terrible. It's like really bad, but you know It's the 70s, so I'm gonna go ahead and and button this movie. I'm glad to hear it. Unfortunately that was a rather long sentence so the period during which people found me funny is over. Oh I'm very sorry to hear that. Are you? No. No. And we're back and we're gonna open up with me learning just how much cooler Z none is than I was given a credit for.

It's not often that a logo tells you how much fun you're about to have watching a movie, but Z none pictures is that logo. Yes, sir. So we're going to open up on flames and then we're going to open up on our hero, Dolomite, but PD Wheatstraw in this film, the devil's son-in-law, who is here to do slam poetry for us. It's like the opening monologue is all the guys who asked for money got together on the subway to write this out. This is pretty genius though.

The opening line is, I can sit on a tombstone and produce baby ghosts, which by the way, is foreshadowing for eight seconds from now that no one involved with this movie knows how babies are made. No, they do not. Yeah. Although I will say that's a, that's a fuck up in the writing though. You don't tell people you're going to do that and then not show it to them. Okay.

Yeah. Absolutely. All right. Also, the end of this slam poem was the point of the film in which I had to turn on the closed captioning. Yeah. Yeah. Early and often.

So this movie is available for free on daily motion. And whoever was in charge of the closed captioning over at Daily Motion had a rough week. All right. So yeah. So he rhymes us into a doodly do about the day he was born during a hurricane in Miami. And we open on this hilariously pregnant woman giving birth. Uh, yeah.

I mean, I want you to picture a woman trying to hide a five foot yoga ball on the line. Like her belly is spherical. Yeah. And the family is preparing for the arrival of their child by bouncing off the walls like Roger Rabbit just did his first key bump. It is. It is. Strange. And so, okay. So yeah, the doctor comes in to assist in the birth. Did not expect this black family in the middle of Miami to know an Asian orthodox rabbi,

but he is their doctor. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. If you had asked Mel Brooks in 1976 to play a character named Julie McJurson, he'd look over at the doctor and PD Weed Strong going, that's a bit much. Yeah. He's also, and I don't know that this is related to the movie wearing a plastic vest over a

regular vest for his costume. Because he's funny. Yeah. And then we get this amazing line. The doctor says, oh my God, she's going to have an elephant because she's got such a big giant ridiculous stomach. And the husband says, you try to say my wife screwed an elephant. And I just wrote my notes, I'm in movie.

You had me in hello. Yeah, right. So they do some slapstick here. The baby starts to, she first gives birth to a watermelon, apparently, before PD Wheat straw. Uncomfortable for me. Yeah. So, but then we finally get the baby who is an 11 year old in a diaper, right?

And I guess that's supposed to be the comedy bit, right? That the baby comes out 11 years old and kicking ass. But actually, it's just a very, very angry child actor who's trying to say his lines as quickly as he can to end the scene. It infernists the movie explicitly notes that his fraternal twin brother is a watermelon. Yeah. He could. Yeah.

Tough but fair. Yeah. All right. So then we get to the credits and we get so that there's like TV level credits, right? Yeah. Yeah. Except that you don't often see Lee Roy and skill it. Oh, God.

But you should. You fucking should. Also, pretty sure they just told these child actors to fight and film it. This is not. This is not strike me as a choreographed scene. No, yeah, that's certainly what it appears to be. They're like, yeah, try not to hit the face too much, but yeah, other than that, go ahead and hit the face. And yeah, I like that too much. You know, not too much. Yeah, as long as he wakes up within 48 hours, you're good. So exactly. So basically, so we watched this for a very, very long time. P.D. Weathe struck its ass kicked, but he's being watched by like old black Mr. Miyagi. Yeah. And look, like since we're going to dump on this movie and rightfully. So I want to point out that these credits right here recreate literally all of the

the plot of the karate kid movie in one 85 second montage. Yeah. And with the same level of racial sensitivity. Yeah, because we then got to a quick karate learning montage. Oh, by the way, so in addition to Leroy and Skillet, we also get also starring Wildman Steve in the credits at this point. So fun fact, I went to IMDB to look up Wildman Steve's credits. And they are as follows, his first film, ain't that just like a honky. Followed by the guy from Harlem, followed by this movie,

and then for his final cinematic masterpiece, the $6,000 and word. Oh, amazing. Oh, I'm not gonna lie. I will be back when Dan does that movie. All right, well now you've spoiled the end of the episode where I reveal next week's movie. Oh, right.

Damn, but I thought I learned my lesson. All right. So yes, so we get our karate threading montage, which includes, by the way, his sensei, try and figure out what to do with none chucks. This guy does none chucks for, I would say four seconds, Very clearly hits himself and then stops and that's about it. Yeah, but the kid knew what he was doing, right? The kid was working. I mean, he was going to a fruit ninja and shit.

All right. But then he finishes his Jedi training, right? Apparently he learned all of Kung Fu that summer. And he's like, all right, you know all kung fu now, to which the child replies. But I really want to be a comedian. Yeah. What? Hey, said, say, can I be a comedian ninja? And he's like, I guess I mean, if you want to be a sure, okay. A comedian ninja. Yeah. And his response is, yeah, you could be a comedian. The way to do that is to be kind to people and not take shit from anyone.

Right here is where we need the Morgan Freeman voiceover. Rudy Raymore would not, in fact, be kind to anyone. No shit. Yeah. So yeah, so he takes the fucking vow of the comedian ninja or whatever. And we cut back to the future. Now he's an adult and he's comedian. Now that was a much simpler thing back in the 70s. Apparently your entire comedy routine could be your butt is much larger than most people's. And it could be a dialogue shouted back and forth between you and one audience member. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it was like just listening to somebody argue with their waitress at the waffle house. Yep. Yeah. The actual line is shut your ugly old time ancient ass up, which, like, you know, when you're sort of late at night and you're down the YouTube rabbit hole and you wind up on that montage of Jimmy Carr destroying hecklers, and it's reasonably funny. This is the exact opposite of that. Absolutely.

He's not an insult comedian. He's just an insulting person. He's just unkind. And this is further fleshed out when another man in the audience stands up and is like, Hey, don't you talk to my woman like that to which Dolomite responds, fuck you. I will kill you. Yeah. And then he goes, well, that's my set. If you didn't like it, go fuck yourself and walks off stage.

Yeah. He made quite a big deal out of like, I know you guys weren't entertained, but I don't give a shit. So, and then also, by the way, so we get one last credit that I have to point out directed by Cliff Rockmore, Libra. Me too, Cliff, me too. To point that one out. I'm going to walks on the beach.

I get it. So then we meet Lee Roy and skill it. Now, I got to be honest with you. Like, I kind of want to go look up some of their old stuff because this is a comedy duo and like the two of these guys are actually pretty fucking funny together. They're just giving nothing worth doing in this in this fucking movie. Well, that's what's so fascinating, right?

Because it's obvious that they are a comedy duo, but that whoever cast them was like, and you will do none of your fucking bits. Do you hear me? None. You will do one joke in act three, and you will not be funny. Yours and Dolomite. God damn it. Not somebody. So their entire appearance in the movie is a set up to their comedy act, which they never do. It's just like, Hey, Lee Roy, hey, skillet. How's that mother yours? She's fine. Hey, skillet, how's that mother yours? She's fine. Yeah.

So, so we meet them and when we meet them, they're getting a very large loan for their new comedy show from I shit you not. Mr. White. Yeah, Mr. White who looks like the principal in every John Hughes movie, but is played as like this intimidating villain, which makes no sense because we're going to find out like in 86 seconds that Lee Roy and skillet have an entire lounge act full of hired goon. They do.

Right. They do. Right. Towards the end of the scene, Mr. White is like, if I lose money, you'll be sorry. And the camera pans around to like three Microsoft employees. He brought it in. In turn, next. Buy him out, boys. Yeah, but we meet, we meet the bad white folks. So meanwhile, we have PD Weats. He's, he's showing up to this town, right? He's flying out of wherever

it was. He was just doing that comedy show about helping that woman's ass was and flying to a new place with new large asses. So we see he like he shows up, he gets picked up and he taken to a radio interview so that like, you know, he can promote his comedy show. And of course, so that Lee Roy and skillet can hear that the famous PD wheat straw is in town to compete with their show. And I love this radio interview. It's the DJ's like, so what's the show going to be like? To which PD Weach Straw's answer is, you bet a fucking cup.

And let's be clear on the plot here, right? This KXP, all exposition radio all the time is about to explain to Lee Rian skillet that the day after their shows opening night, PD Wheatstra is going to put on his show. So dot, dot, dot, like there can't, there's not room, you know, this town ate the, you know, big enough for two separate comedy acts. That's the plot on different nights. Yeah. And that's that is what truly baffled me is the choice to make it the day after their opening night. Right. And also spoiler for later in the movie, there is never a PD read straw opening night comedy act. No, oh, no, there is not absolutely not. We will never make it that far into the film. But skillet hears all about that.

And he has to run in and warn Leroy that shit's about to hit the fan. Oh, there's this insane moment where skillet uses the opportunity to funny walk across the set. Oh my god. I think this information. Would you say moment? Would you say moment? Would you say it was a single moment?

I like it. It's a single episode of everybody's love Raymond. It's what it is. It's. It's. It's. He also changes the bit halfway through. He's like, I'm walking like I got a pee.

No, that's not the joke. What's the joke? Okay, something like that. No, no, I have one like shorter than the other. I had to delete all of my notes here about the appearance of Lee Roy and skill it because I know what happens to lawyers who wind up on the SPLC's list of heat groups. You know, they get nominated to the Supreme Court. Exactly. So he wouldn't want all that controversy. Okay, so meanwhile, so PD is chatting up with the guy who owns the club that he's gonna

play at. This scene doesn't serve a hell of a lot of purpose other than to introduce us to the poop joke theme of the film. Oh, man, this guy comes over and he's like, hello, I am the owner of this club. Stand up comedy about poop in three, two, two, well, he actually, like, kind of does the, like, looking down at Dolomite and is like, uh, uh, can you give me the set up line? And then Rudy Raymore obligingly says, and I quote, your addressing room looks like a shit house. Speaking of shit houses.

Yeah, right. No, that's exactly how I get into it. I know this is so weird to say, but today's poop jokes are way more sophisticated. Yeah. Yeah. We've made progress. Two things are zooming along. The COVID vaccine and today's poop trip.

Exactly, exactly. You know, I don't want to, I don't want to like brag or anything, but we've contributed to that. I'm just, all right. So they leave the club though. And damn, if there aren't a bunch of people out there stripping PDWEEch draws car, right? It's because we need a chance for him to kick some ass.

But right before he goes to kick their ass, he yells about how black people deserve poverty. It's a very weird right wing moment in the middle of this country. He's like, oh, and this is why black people always live in ghettos. And you're like, whoa, Peter, we're strong. I think there's more to it. Keep it a political buddy. We'll kung fu those guys. Well, yeah, and we can't decide what genre we're in, right?

Because this is about to be a kung fu fight, but there's Benny Hill running around, right? Yeah. Yeah. 100% my note here is Benny Hill on 125th Street. Yep. Yeah. Even to the point where they accidentally pick up a hot chick with their like, I wrote car couch, but you know, to be fair, she did go to the Prometheus School of Running Away

from stuff. So they're right. They also destroy like a bunch of eggs, but they can't get the comedy moment right because no, what happens is there's two guys carrying like a small pallet of eggs. And when someone gets within 44 feet of them, they rock at all the things in the air. The saddest part of this was I was positive watching this again that all the eggs were going to land back. You know, they were going to do that film, the scene in reverse trip. And all the eggs were going to land perfectly undisturbed and then get

broken later, right? Like that's how you pull off that kind of thing. But no, they start cracking in mid air. And Rudy Raymore was like, I am not buying more eggs for this movie. We are using this scene as is one take broken egg comedy has come a long way as well, but yeah, so but eventually P.D. we struck catches up with the bad guy. So he starts rhyming them into submission, but that's not quite enough, right? His slam poetry isn't quite enough. So it's time for pants way too tight karate. My notes word for word are oh sweet God.

They forgot to learn kung fu for their kung movie. So they're just fighting. And they didn't choreograph it or at least if they did you can't tell. No, I think this was remembered to let me win was as far as the choreography got. Yep. Also, this quick note here on my second watch through of this movie, I realized that one of the robbers is stressed as the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz. I did not notice that. Yeah, I do not know why. It's like I just needed someone besides me to know it.

Just like the A-b walking through the basketball passes or something. Exactly. That one just got right why me. Bit of foreshadowing for the ending. I think, okay. All right. So yeah. But the assembled count is very impressed with PD Weach Trust asking skills.

So he orders all the guys to put his car back together. And they do that. I feel like they'd have a better profession than car. Take the car. But the key is that he teaches them a very Sucian lesson, right? The one car, two car, red car, blue car thing, and then we're done with that scene.

Meanwhile, okay, so when we were at the club, we met two characters named Larry and Ted. Now Larry is like a 10, 12 year old kid, Ted is his older brother, and they're working on some level with PD Wheatstra, putting up promotional flyers and posters for his big comedy show. Right?

Yeah. So we cut to them, they put up a poster and then apparently, Leroy and Skillet, like most comedy duos, has a couple of henchmen, right? Yeah, sure. That's like me and Eli, we have Heath. Yep. One specific one. Yeah, but he's taking care of business for us right now.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, but it didn't reach so they come across these posters and they're like, fuck, we got to call the boss, you know, this is big news. So they call, uh, Lee Roy and skill it. They're like, hey guys, bad news. Not only is he having a comedy show, but he's telling other people about it. Right. Do which Leroy and Skillet reply?

Do you do want to try the plan? We discussed earlier in the movie about asking him. Well, we just asked him nicely. No, no, let's make sure we weigh some guns around first. All right. So we wrap that scene and then we, we very slowly pan up a mostly naked woman, right? Oh, yeah, we got to get to the exploitation portion of the film too. This is now now now is

Comedically desperate to fuck Pee-Dee Wheat straw, right? As you are. Yeah, the idea that this man is desired by any let alone multiple women is the most far-fetched part of the movie. And this movie contains the literal devil. You can teach possibly my favorite devil in the history of film. Oh, man, the devil's great. Yeah. By the way, PD's response to her come on is, eh, why not?

It's probably not as terrible to fuck you as I think it is. And I just wrote my notes. The E-Lite boss next to her. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. PD Wheat Straw, right? Is this exact line is, eh, let's give it a whirl. It may not be as bad as I think it is. Yeah, I totally try in that line. 100%. What's said? Oh, so, but right before they fuck the phone rings. And she, she answers it and when you know it, it's for PD. Now somehow, PD could tell by the ring that it was Leroy. And so he just picks up the phone and he's like, Leroy, you need to go fuck yourself. So it like we introduced in this moment that apparently Leroy and skill it like, I guess, Oh, PD we each draw money for some outstanding comedian debt or something.

It's baffling and you can tell that the movie is convinced this is comedy, right? And I was trying to discover it like one of the fucking puzzles at the end of the ventricode I was just like okay, maybe it's cuz he's saying fuck is it that he's saying fuck you? I He says at one point he's like because they're asking to postpone the show So it's not the coincide with theirs. And he says, and I quote, I wouldn't postpone my show if you needed ice water in hell. What does that mean? No.

No. No. It's like Dolomite found like a book of phrases and put them in a blender and then gently sprinkled them over his scrunch. I think that's probably pretty close to it. But yeah, but nobody's tells now. He's like, no, sorry, we can't finish that. Foxy, we were going to do. I have to go kick some ass, take some names. I have a comedy feud to fulfill.

Well, we got it. Exactly. All right. So now Lee Royans killing have asked their heavies to check in every hour on the hour. They want them to follow Ted and Larry around as they put up the posters and call them every hour and let them know what's going on. Keep in mind that there weren't cell phones back then. They had to go find a goddamn pay phone every to every hour. This was the moment in which I became very concerned about the economics of this movie's

plot, right? Because they borrowed $100,000 from Mr. White, Lee Raine's skillet half, right? They have an entourage, which consists of the banned earthwinden fire. And they are checking, they're on duty 24 hours a day. And are checking in every hour. And I'm like, that hundred grand is not going as far as you think. Yeah. But he calls him up and he's like, yeah, man, they're still putting up posters. And so Lee Roy is like, all right, I'm going to need you to whip the shit out of his poster guy. Right. So, but first we have to have a quick, we have to humanize Ted and Larry's

relationship, Big Brother, Little Brother. So Larry's telling Big Brother about how he wants to be a basketball star when he grows up and Ted's telling Larry about how he better not skip, keep skipping school like mom said he's been doing right. Like all we just get a pile of this shit all at once. Yeah let little Larry is 30 seconds away from singing the I like being alive. So I expect the movie to close caption over it like this is definitely not foreshadowing in any way. What's it? So, yeah, so little Larry agrees that he won't skip any more school and just then the henchman show up and during the altercation shoot Larry in the fucking heart. What a incredibly dark turn for PD Weedstrop post-colonic the devil's son-in-law to take

that a fucking 11 year old gets shot and killed in the front lawn at this point in the film. Yeah. Way darker than I was prepared to go with my jokes, y'all. And not comedically. No, we should point out. Oh, no. He's not like, Oh, she out. She, I got squawching. The entire movie grinds to a halt as this child coughs up blood and promises not to skip school no more with his dying words. Exactly how it goes. The mother's out there screaming and crying like it's a fucking Oscar clip or something. The ambulance shows up way too quick for a black neighborhood. Like come on, be realistic guys, but the ambulance shows up to take him away and everybody's screaming and crying and we were renting their clothing

and I yeah, it was, it was a very weird turn in the middle of the Kung Fu comedy movie about the devil. Andrew and Noah, I have questions. You are both 45 years old. Ish were ambulances big vans with sirens and what year year did that stop? And did ambulances have zebra print floors? Okay, everything had zebra print everything in the 1970s. That's everything was zebra print until I was at least like six. Okay. I thought if you were going to ask about like weirdly and aggrinistic moments, because I don't know the answer to this question. That this movie posits in 1977 that after reshooting the black family would call the cops and struck me as odd, did not strike me as odd that the cops do not infect ever show on the day.

That's true. They don't do that. Yeah. The ambulance did, but there was never a cop. All right. Well, I tell you what, I need to shift to like dead kid jokes apparently. So I need a minute to recalibrate, but we're going to be back soon with even more PD Wheat straw. Gentlemen, come in.

There's on the chair. Okay. No, are you not going to race me for the chair like he does? No, dude, there are two chairs. Oh Okay, wow well, I gotta say I Broke it anyway. I'm sorry about that Andrew. It's fine. By now I buy him by the palette So um, all right gentlemen. How can I help today? Ah, I would like to sue Noah. It's true, he does.

For what? He listens to stuff too loud. I can't hear my podcasts. Podcast. You listen to one show over and over again. One episode. It is called The Adventure Zone and Taco the Wizard loves me more

than you ever will know, Aleusion. Nobody is disputing that, you like. Ah, all right. You like, why don't you just buy a pair of Raycons? Oh, I tried, Andrew. Went down to the gun store and everything. And they were all, Raycons don't exist. Those are from sci-fi, but I knew they had them in the back. Like, no, no, no, you like, Raycons.

Raycon earbuds started about half the price of any other premium wireless earbud on the market, and they sound just as amazing as the other top audio brands, you know. Their newest model, the Everyday E25 earbuds, are their best ones yet? With six hours of playtime, seamless Bluetooth pairing, more bass, and a more compact design that gives you a nice noise-isolating fit. So I don't have to sue Noah? Correct. You don't have to sue Noah. Plus, Raycon's wireless earbuds are so comfortable. They're perfect for conference calls or binging podcasts.

And that's right in the copy. See? Who's the weirdo now? It's still you. Yeah, it's still very much you. But yes, now is the time to get the latest and greatest from Raycon get 15% off your order at buy raycon.com Slash game. That's buy raycon.com slash game for 15% off of raycon wireless earbuds buy raycon.com slash game. Thanks Andrew. Case closed. And that that's, that's not how that works. Sustained.

Hey Eli. Yeah. I love you more than Taco the Wizard Lodge. Oh. Uh, Mr. Dolomite. Hello there. Are you the writer? They sent over to help me with my kung fu comedy.

Yeah. They, they said that if I didn't come help you write something, then most of the movie would just be you yelling rhymes at a fire barrel. Fire barrel, that is correct. Okay, so the studio is already briefed me on the plot that you want and that's got Leroy and skillet. Anything you want to add to that? Yes, I would like a child to be killed in a gangland shooting. You want to put the death of a child in your kung fu comedy. Yes, I would also like him to be shot by a Nazi, a Nazi who turns out to be his father. Wow, a Nazi.

But as he shoots his son and the puppy he is holding, I would like a flashback to his days working the camps at Bookin' Vault. You want to depict a concentration camp in the middle of shooting a child at, did you just add a puppy? I did add a puppy, yes. Mr. Dolomite, with all due respect, isn't all this dark stuff gonna ruin the comedy?

Tell me, my friend, have you read the script for this movie? Yes. Is it currently funnier than a Holocaust flashback while shooting a puppy? You know what? Fair point. Got me there. Okay, I'll go put that stuff in the movie. Thank you. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open up on Little Larry's funeral. That's right. Going all the way with dead kid in this one. Yeah, and I wrote in my notes that I feel like

stripes were an odd choice for PD Weach draw to wear it, but that was until I saw his brother is wearing powder blue to the funeral. Yeah, that's quite an interesting palette there. But I also love, so we have singing lady at the front of the funeral procession. And I wondered if she was like, like a singing lady at the funeral, like guitar guy at the party, like, was she asked to do that? Or was she just not stop and it's a funeral. So nobody has the heart to say man. Anyway, yeah.

But so they're walking out of the funeral and the two henchmen, Lee Roy and skillet's henchmen show up with machine guns. Like, I'm not denied that I am a terrible person, but like I have to admit the first time I saw Maurice White pull up and machine gun down a funeral procession. I would shittin' at least laugh my ass out. This is why you never book conflicting comedy gays people. 90% of the violence in Chicago is over conflicting comedy gays. People don't know. Yeah. People don't know.

Yeah. So. Well, I wrote my notes like, well, damn, now getting all upset over the death of one 10 year old seems kind of silly, but. But, but yes, like just, just to be clear, we are one third of the way through the movie and they have just killed the protagonist, PD Weedstraw. Yes. Along with all the other characters.

Yeah. So then, well, except for the bad guys. So then a crazy stylish older gentleman comes walking through the big pile of dead bodies on the front steps of this church. This is Lucifer. And I love, I want to go back and watch everything this actor has ever done in his goddamn career. I had so much fun every time he was on the screen. He shows up like he was supposed to be an extra in the funeral scene and he wants to know

if he can still have crafty. But he's Lucifer. He gives him his business card, which is weird. That's a needs a business card. I'm just picturing someone showing up in hell and he's like, welcome to hell. And they're like, well, who are you? See? This is this to print. So he says, Pety, what I would from you is a son. And I wrote my notes. Am I going to be the top of the bottom? Because that changes things. But no, but Satan wants Pety to fuck his daughter. That's not how sons work, but okay.

Satan wants PD to fuck his daughter and give her a son so that Satan will have a grandson, I guess. Yeah. And so that the post-colonical makes sense. Yeah. And he's not making a super persuasive argument. So he pulls out his crystal ball inside of which is a swoosh and inside that swoosh are the guys that shot him. Yeah, well, that's a liberating skill at learning that PD is no more, right?

So basically Satan's like, so you can, you can stay alive if you marry and, and fuck my daughter. And he's like, I don't know about staying alive. And he's like, well, if you stayed alive, you could get revenge on these motherfuckers. And he's like, okay, I'm in. Okay. So as I'm watching the scene, I was waiting for the classic Satan-only grants monkey paw wishes, right?

Like, you know, I think he wants to make some kind of deal with the devil with you, right? Like, but no, the devil is literally the only character that's honest in this entire movie, right? Wow, he is, he's so much more moral than our protect and constantly throughout the movie when he quote unquote crosses the devil the devil will be like well PD I'm not gonna lie I'm disappointed at your behavior I'll give you one more time yes yeah so so Dolomites like all right well you know what I'll fuck wait a minute hold Hold on hold on. Let me see how ugly is your daughter?

Yeah. And again, the devil's totally honest. He's like, yes, she's real ugly. Yeah, exactly right. He shows her a picture. We don't see her, but you know, we see his reaction. And he's about to turn Satan down. And then he's like, he remembers his sense.

They tell him something about wisdom. And then he's like, oh, right. No, that would be stupid for me to just be dead and then hell. Is that what that wisdom wisdom wisdom vio supposed to be it like I've watched this movie three times now and I thought they just left an extra mic up while the seams got like it was crazy bonkers. So yeah, but that's how it all goes down. Then we come back to the funeral. And instead of like having everybody just wake up from being shot and going like, wow,

that was weird. We actually run all of it in reverse, but they still remember being shot. They do. It makes no God damn sense. Anyway, they regular funeral at it. And everybody's like, I'm sorry, hold on a second. We just get shot and then unshotted. Does everybody else feel like we got shot and killed and then we're not dead now? Well, and also the movie will never address this, but I'm like, you know, as long as the devil's doing the like Superman flying around the earth backwards,

you know, rewinding time thing, like he could have gone back one more scene and unkilled little lighter. No, it gives a shit about it. He's just dead. And little Larry's older brother actually brings this up. He's like, Hey, because afterwards they're all talking about the deal with the devil. And he's like, Hey, how come you didn't ask for my brother to be? And he's like, Revan, I must have my revenge on this. Kill it and lean. Yeah, right. So yeah. so Larry's big brother will not rest until he settles with Scarface Willie. That's apparently the name of the henchman that has the big scar on his face.

That's Scarface Willie. So we cut the Scarface Willie. He's out for a night on the town when Damit, if Larry's big brother doesn't spot him. And he's like, hello today, I am here to be beaten up by you. Please follow me into this obvious trap. And they're all like, yeah, let's run into the obvious trap. Absolutely. Yeah, so they start all fighting one at a time.

It's a five, it's not a five, but one, it's a one on one and then one and then one and then one and then one but he is getting beat right but that's when PD shows up and when PD shows up, they all react like he's a ghost, but one, if you'd shot him and he just hadn't died, this is how it would go to, right? But Scarface will he is freak the fuck out and apparently the close captioning failed me either that or what PDW e-straw really said was tell your boss I'm still alive and I'm mad as a horny little bumblebee. It's the closest I got. That's what the close guy watched itbee. It's the closest I got. That's what the closest I got. I watched it twice.

That's the closest I got. I got nothing. All right. So, but then Scarface Willie is so frightened that he shits himself backwards. He shits the front of his pants. I just, I have to say this in this Kung Fu stand up supernatural comedy that features killing everyone at a funeral. This is the one moment that we all have a, huh?

It or not. 100%. You see, it's the classic like guy peeing himself on the video, but Brian, the fully guy is there pressing the wet chart button. It's crazy. And it's so long. Listen, we will never communicate to you how long this wet chart sound effect goes on. They are positive.

They are going to get 10, 15 minutes of comedy of this growing wet spot on this man's pants. Do they expect that like Dolomite's arms get tired, he shakes him out and then picks the guy back up again. Well, to the point where the very neck scene is that same guy sitting around telling Lee Roy and skill in about what, you know, about PD still being alive and all of them holding their noses because his dick shit smelled so bad. His piss fart, whatever the hell it was, yeah. Always got to let it change his pants before he tells you the story of the guy who's come back to life to avenge himself on you. I feel like when you walk in all shit cover and everybody's just

like, why don't you do something about that first? I don't care about the urgency of anything else. This is really, I'll tell you, this is the emergency. This right here. But yeah, after 27 minutes of boy, did he just shit himself? We cut back to Petey. Now, he's about to fuck now again, right? But damn, if their fuck isn't interrupted by a phone call again, this time from Satan. And correct me if I'm wrong, but Satan has two things. One, you have magic powers, right? Two, be careful with your magic power. Well, sorry, he has a magical cane or access to it, right? He's like, you know what, I know this is weird for me

to call you in the middle of act two about. I meant to mention this earlier, this is so weird because we could just go back and write it in the script. But at any rate, I left a magical cane for you that's gonna give you superpowers. Should you ever be attacked by a bunch of guys? Yeah, dear listener, this is not just hilarious comedy from No Illusions. Yes, at this point, 37 minutes into this movie, it becomes PD Weetz draw and the search for

the magic pimp scheme. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. And as a prover, okay, so the devil has to explain that over the phone and says, like, you know, it, it is entirely possible that Leroy and skillet are going to send five goons to your apartment right now to your girlfriend's apartment right now to beat you up. And then that happens and PD Weetz draw kicks the shit out of them without needing magic powers whatsoever. It's, it is the most, like this movie, was this movie shot sequentially, right? I would not understand. you can move scenes around.

It was yeah boyhood borrowed a lot from this. Yeah, it was. So yeah, no right, the the devil calls him says, hey, if you find yourself outnumbered at any point, be sure to use my magic cane and it's, you know, omnipotence. He's like, yeah, sure, we'll do. And then five guys attack him. No magic cane. No omnipotence. It's the weirdest goddamn thing that you can imagine. Also, he's in his tidy greenies the whole time that was distracting. I have to talk about one moment during this fight scene because again, nobody learned any karate for this movie. No, but at one point, he was very clearly

supposed to throw one of these extras out the window, but this is and throws him near the window, relatively close to the window in comparison to other things in the room. And the extra just is like, he does a little like, I'm falling to the floor moments. See, I was going to point out that PD Wheat straw before performing every single kung fu smooth in this, in this, in this, he does that thing you do when you're nine and go, whoo, pocha, pocha. Yes, it's, it's, I love it. I'm confused by when you're nine, because I still do that all the time. Whenever I do anything vaguely karate like so when I get into a fight, that's what I usually. It's okay. So yeah, so he finishes kicking some ass and Satan calls him back and he's like,

what part of magic fucking came? Did you not understand? Hey, it's the devil. Notice you didn't use your cane during your fight. Just do not like it. I can return. I can't. I can't get you a different one. They make one with a sword. I just didn't think you would need. So.

But yeah, so now, so he calls his buddies like, Hey, you got to meet me at the creepy graveyard where the Satan left this magic cane for me. Uh-huh. Now, that's never established by Satan, right? Like Satan doesn't say, go down to the old, okay, good. I just wanted to make sure I didn't stroke out there for a minute. If he did, neither me or the guy do in the clothes captioning, caught it. So yeah.

So, okay. So, oh, speaking of the poor guy do in the clothes captioning. Okay. So we cut to this graveyard. And there's this guy. And so, you know, 90% of this movie is just like a stand up comedian, like forcing one of his good stand up bits into the plot somewhere, right? So we get the worst example of that, which is this guy doing his drunken bill, Cosby

noises. This is a character that we've never met. We will never see again, who just has to open this scene by wandering through and being the hilarious drunk homeless guy. And look, I'm gonna try and put this delicately. The people in this movie are not super easy to understand as it is. So the gentleman doing a drunk character had no hope of me understanding any of the words that he says in the script. Oh, yeah.

No, the fucking the close captioning guy just started apologizing to his ex-girlfriends and stuff like that. And it was just it was a weird moment commenting on the scenery. Yeah. So, but yeah, but so this guy he taught he jokes drunkenly for a while and then he falls into a grave so that like you know when when PD and his buddy come by later there can be somebody trying to get out of a grave get it I hope so because they really don't pull the trigger on that joke very well

So if you didn't see it coming you won't have seen it go any other hour Protagonist stands above a drunken homeless person who is fallen into a shallow grave and says, oh, well, maybe I'll kick some dirt on you. Like, I think it's bonkers. The many things that this movie thinks is funny, that is baffling to me. The mistreatment of the homeless population to me, the mistreatment of the homeless population is key to this movie's comedy. And by mistreatment, we mean burying a lot. Murder, murder, drugging. And not just like, I mean, like, of all the ways to murder someone, one of the meaner one, you know, well, the movie will top that in 20 minutes, But I don't give that away. Yes, yes, it will. So yes, and they come across this,

this drunk guy passed out to Grave and and he's like, Hey, let's put some dirt on him. And in his, and his body's like, dude, are you, are you fucking serious right now? He's like, no, I was, I was, I was, I mean, if you were serious, I mean, you're telling me, okay, all right. We're done. I was kidding. So they find the magic double-cane and they, and they wanted to off. And by the way, magic double-cane, very much a stick and a small amount of duct tape. Yeah, but even you use all that much duct tape. Mm-hmm. All right, so, okay, me, my, Leroy and skillet are hard at work getting ready for the big

show. Mr. White shows up and he's not so sure. He's heard about this, this PD weed straw fella. He's not sure his investment was well made in the first place yeah and we're always like oh don't worry we murdered him no i mean we murdered his show yet didn't save it all that well and then totally bafflingly, Mr. White is like, I would like five tickets to the front row of this black sexy comedy show that you have planned for this evening.

Yeah. And the light is my wife loves these kind of shows. Yeah. Right. There's only one way to interpret that, right? Absolutely. Yes. My note underneath that is my wife loves Black sexy comedy show.

Yes. B B C. Yeah. All right. So, so PD and his pals are at the club chilling. Oh, God, we haven't mentioned any of the costuming up to this point. I just want to say, PDW's trust outfit here is all that needs to exist in the world. Really? Oh, yes, it is. Show. Okay. So we get this

painful to watch scene. Okay. The idea here, the through line of the comedy is that this woman shows up to audition to be a singer in their show. And she can't sing it all. Because bad singing is really fun to listen to for nine and a half minutes. Okay, but she isn't singing so much as she's a cell phone that nobody turns off. Have the scene. Look, again, we all know how this comedy beat is supposed to work. Here's how it's not supposed to work.

Have your tuneless singer sing the same single sentence over and over again. Yep. At the maximum volume while you cannot hear the dialogue over the scene, which is PD using the Pimp cane like a compass to track down the bomb that Earth Wind and Fire have hidden in the bathroom. Yeah. And, and, and, and let me say again, we will never express to you how long it takes to a little might to realize that that's what the cane is doing. Like, we spend three or four fucking minutes on this. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen a baby that makes itself laugh for no reason? Right. Like, it's just all the sudden the crinkly paper

is the funniest thing in the world. That same thinking is behind the comedy of the bomb detective chain. It's movie. So yes, they find this bomb and we have like bomb hot potato for a little while. Singing lady still doesn't shut up. They're throwing a bomb around and she's still just doing her little atonal sentence. And by, oh god, I have to point this out. Bomb. Yeah.

It's four road flares or red candles covered in construction paper. And I shit you not. They have drawn a clock and taped it to the front. It made me so sad. I don't think any prop has ever made me sadder in all my days. This movie did not have real clock to go on the bomb money. No. No. No.

No. Oh, so yeah, so they throw that around for a little while. Eventually, PD takes it outside and he tosses it into the middle of a bunch of watermelons so that we can get a watermelons explosion. And a young Gallagher walked out of the theater that day with a dream in his heart. All right.

So now we cut over to the opening night of Lee Royale's skillets comedy show. Oh, and this is where the music goes off. Oh, yeah. A girl is playing the piano and a trombone at the same time. This, this is in fact the Dolomite band and they are to music what the previous scene was to singing. If you've ever seen a Dolomite movie, this band is in it and they can only do this quote line. Right. Yeah.

Okay. So they just are playing the same stands over and over and as though that's all the fucking rights they could afford. Yep. See, I wrote in my notes, see what I like about funk is you only need to write nine notes and then you just play them until the 70s are over. Exactly. That is not fair to how great the PD Weetz draw theme song is.

I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the other music in this. There's great music through most of this movie, but yeah, this was rough and we get like Nine minutes of this as people show up for the comedy show PD weedstress shows up Don't worry. He's in disguise by which I mean

Talking in a silly voice and wearing a small hat not a normal size hat at all To be fair his hat is distractingly tight and very small fucking Clark Kent would look over at him and say, put some effort into it, man. Come on. And would you say silly voice? This is a Jamaican accent that would make Dan Acroid put. Truly, truly. Miss Cleo would be like, yeah, Clark Kent's right. Put some work into it, man. All right. So the music wraps up and an MC comes out to introduce Lee Roy and skill it. And we get like 45 seconds of them doing comedy, which is the high point of the show to me,

right? Yeah. But again, they weren't allowed to do like their full act. No, no, they get one joke. I thought the math joke was pretty funny. I don't know. I'm not gonna spoil it here. So, you know, because you're gonna watch the movie, you deserve the pay.

This is, this is the climax of the movie if you are done. Really? Yes. Someone else's pants. I also love this moment where they have to like introduce the guys who paid for the show and he's like, and the actual line is, all right, everybody in the audience, let's hear it for the whites. That's for their investors. I love that.

All right. So, but now, Pety is in the audience. He's going to use his magic devil cane to make Lee Roy and skillet say mean things about Mr. whites. Why? Yeah. So let's be clear here, right? We've already seen how the karate kid ripped off this movie.

And here we'll see in 1977 Rudy Raymore invented liar liar. And Jim Carrey just came by and stole it 20 years ago. Oh, you're right. And Bruce Almighty, too. Bruce Almighty, yeah. Yeah. And Gallagher. Yeah.

However, I will say what those movies had is a second half to this joke because he uses the cane. And instead of them saying something funny, they're just like, fuck you. Yeah. But so they, they quick introduce the next act before they slap somebody with their dick or something. And then the lady comes out and to sing and it uses this cane to make her dress in her hair fly off and make her sing bad. I have a question about this singer. They introduce her.

Her name is Cammy Smalls. She is when she walks out on stage either two feet tall or the band is 84 feet tall. One of those things must be true. Also, she just comes out like mid court. No, Andrew, did songs not have beginnings until 1989? Yeah, we just come up with that. So fairly relatively recently. Okay, good to think it was older.

You'd think we'd come up with that earlier, but yeah. Yeah, but so she comes out and then he canes hers so she can't do her song and then he then he uses the devil came to like make a snow storm lightning thing happen inside the club. I'm just saying all the other shit was superfluous, right? If you were going there, you might as well started there. Yeah, it is weird that he took a time to prank a singer who has yet not been related to the plot of the movie when he was just going to blow up the building. And listen, if you're thinking to yourself, that doesn't sound super funny. What if I told you that it was intercut with footage of a man being beaten to death?

Yeah. It is right because Larry's big brother gets a scar face Willie at this point and yes, beats him to death with his bare hands. We watch that for so long. It's so long. It's so long and so brutal and so not comedy. Nothing that's happening in this 75 minute scene is comedy. No, it's only like, we even start interspersing these cuts

of what I said, it was giggly black Santa Claus with bloody tears, but it's actually, I guess it's the Satan character later on, they're gonna give him this big, bushy white beard for no discernible reason. I had him as white face Moses, so that's basically. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

And then we see Mr. White and his henchies carry in Leroy and skill it away, right? Because Pedia's gotten his revenge and sure seems like the movies over now. Sure. All of my notes for the rest of this movie are there are blank minutes in the movie. How could there be anything left in the movie. Well, so here's how. Say we cut this Satan and he says, well, I was in pretty good cane storm summoning there. And ugly Satan daughter who's wearing a veil at this point. So we still haven't seen how ugly she is.

She's like, she's pretty impressed. She's like, all right. Yeah, no, I can see, I can see that. I can see me and him together. As a matter of fact, she says, and I quote, my joy is infinite like the sea. Yeah, buck, do you think infinite meat? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. And one little touch, as this scene ends, we watch PD's friend, whose younger brother was murdered, Ted trying to finish off the Scarface Willie. But before he can, Scarface Willie kills himself. Oh, I didn't even catch that. With a knife stabs himself with a knife. And the movie pauses to be like, is that comedy beat? Kill himself so that you can't kill him.

Alright, well I'll tell you what, I'm pretty sure that this movie needs a minute to decide what to do with the last 40 minutes of itself, so we're going to pause for a quick break, but first let me give it back to me the hard self. What's the plot from here? What's the plot been up to this point? You guys want to talk about football or something? Find out the answers to these questions and more. We'll return for the 10th Gen. Conclusion of PD Weach Straw.

Daddy, Daddy! Yes, daughter of Satan. Daddy, did you find me a man to marry? I sure did, honey. You were married a famous comedian. Oh my gosh! Oh god! Oh, I'm gonna marry Cherry Seinfeld? No, no, he's black. Richard Pryor, he's a genius.

No, no, couldn't go. Oh, Eddie Murphy. Also, no. Eddie Murphy. Also, no. All right, dad, well, that's 455 guesses. I'm, I, who is it? It's, um, it's Dolomite. You never guessed. Is it too late for Jerry Sinful?

Wait, wait, yeah. I still don't understand why I had to wear a wig and makeup for the sketch. Call acting Andrew, read a book. Ha ha ha ha ha. K. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open up on this weird montage

of PD Wheatstraw going on superhero with his magic cane. But, but it starts with this like very long setup with characters that we've never met, arguing. Right. I am baffled by this. All I can assume, this is literally all I can assume, is that Dolomite was like, I have at least 11 minutes more of comedy bits that I could do with this magic cane. And they were like, well, you should probably do them before the conclusion of the movie's

plot. And he was like, no, we will put this movie in the order we shot it. All right. So the first scene culminates in a woman catching her husband, cheating on her and trying to kill him, but, but BD Wheatstra comes through and freezes time and says, why kill him when I can turn him into a puppy? He has turning people into puppy powers. I just want you to put a pit in there. He would have come in handy a lot more in this film if he'd remembered it, yeah, exactly.

All right. And then we do a whole montage of him walking around like granting wishes and doing super shit with his cane, right? Yep. He makes a fat woman thin and makes a broke guy rich. There's also a great moment where there's a kid chasing a ball into into traffic and he uses his cane to make the car stop. Well, well, yeah, that's the thing. It's not that they had CGI or anything back then. So the cars just keeps coming, but slower. Is it like they, the guy just hit the brakes is awesome.

It was awesome. And look, this is the, right? This is the Bruce Almighty infinite powers. You know, I've got the magic cane montage. And almost everything that PD Weetzfra does here is like, it's not nice, right? Like the one genuinely generous thing that you think he does is save the child from being hit by that car, right?

And then he promptly takes the child over to the side of the road. And and I swear to you, I'm not making this up. Pulls out a pick and says, I'm going to comb out your nappy hair until the child and jams it into the kids' hair and starts yanking on it until the child actor on the screen cries for real. Very obviously for real. And, and we linger there for a while and watch that kid cry. This is comedy to someone. And let's point out by the way that he also runs out into the road when he's used his magic cane to stop the car.

So like, you don't need a magic cane to do that. You run out into the road and people will hit the brakes anyway. So. So and then he, like he sees some people getting out of a crappy car. I love this moment because like, there's a family getting out of this crappy car that's broken down anyway. It was the cane and it turns into a really nice car that's running. So they get back into it. I just, I loved the, the thought process and that man's had. He's like, Oh, all right, well, my car is nice now. Get back in.

Yes. I am really, really glad that you had these notes because despite the fact that we are the same age, due to the passage of time and the fact that automobiles have become slightly nicer in the past. Right. Yes. Yeah. The crappy old car and the quote, nice new car are basically

the same car. Oh, it's a 1978 old Zadie or something. Like, it's a, it's a hoopie. Yeah. Exactly. It's a piece of shit. Poop jokes and cars. They've come a long way, baby. By the way, at this point in the movie, my wife just turned to me. She was watching this and she goes, this is the weirdest music video ever. Yeah, I don't remember that. All right, but eventually though, he gets back to the bar and he learns that Satan came looking for him while he was gone.

And he says, okay, I need to go rehearse my comedy show before that starts. And she's like, really Satan came by to sit and you're gonna rehearse comedy. Okay, all right, priorities are your own. I guess. And spoiler alert, we do not get to hear Pety Wheatstraw rehearsing his comedy bits,

which I was really looking forward to. Like, you're a fatty fat super fat. So you're more of a classic comedy. You have a fat. You have a fat. Yeah. Almost got it. Rule of threes. Rule of threes. What rhymes with. So, yeah. So, so Satan shows up though. He shows up in the dressing room and he's like, Hey, man, I know I gave you a magic cane that can do all things, but if you see a little boy about to get squished by a car that looks like a filthy sinner, like let me have that one, okay?

Yeah, I don't want to hear you. Come on. I had to do it. Plans. I feel like you passed rather lightly over Satan hiding in the dressing room by which we mean, like standing behind the rack of clothes in Oh, it's Pety Wheatstrauss Dressager. It's that I was hanging out in your coat rack and I will admit it seemed scarier in my head.

I wasn't masturbating on anything back there. Yeah, right. He also asked Pety, he's like, I think I need to take my cane back and Pety's like, no, and he's like, Oh, okay, but don't use it against me. All right. Pinkie's where he stays suspiciously quiet.

He does. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He's like, all right, well, I'll be back tomorrow so you can marry my daughter and he's like, oh, okay. Cool. Cool. So he leaves.

PD goes downstairs. He tells no that a that was Satan that just left, to which she says, I knew it. Pfft! That's... That's... Did you? I love the smoothie so goddamn much. All right, so now, pedean is funny.

They need to hatch a plan to keep him from having to marry a Satan's daughter. This is where Bugs Bunny meets a Hindu myth. Okay. Oh, fan. This plan is amazing. So he calls Satan and he's like, Hey, man, I'm going to have to meditate through my entire wedding. It's a family tradition. And then he tells his buddy, you need to make a convincing, he'd eat straw mask and we can put it on a homeless guy and trick him into fucking Satan's daughter. I have never been high enough to write this scene. Hey, hey, write this down. We're going to put it in the movie.

This is where we introduce that your character is capable of making perfect flesh masks of everyone he knows. I love mission impossible. Yes, right. It, there are only two things about this plan that confuse me, right? So one, did Pety Wheatstraw forget that he has omnipotent powers over time, space, and matter now that he has the cage like you don't need your body to be a secret expert in face making. Like you could just turn, instead of turning the guy into a puppy you could turn the guy into an exact duplicate of pd wheatstraw right and to if there's a plate the whole

point of this is to buy them time to get out of town right if there's a place you can go we're saying can't find you why don't you just go there? Why do you have to sacrifice another homeless person? You weird sociopath. Yeah. Right. Also, do you just have a regional Satan? It's like every episode of the dukes of hazard, right? Like they cross over the county line and damn them, duke boys.

Yeah. Sorry. If we make boys. Yeah, sorry. If we make it into Wisconsin, they have to report directly to Cole. So I don't know how to do this. All right. So they go find themselves a sacrificial homeless guy and kidnap a drunk. Okay. We cannot clarify enough.

This is like someone played yackety sex behind Schindler's list. We watch a comedy needle being filled up with heroin. This was their first idea. Yeah, nothing's even gone wrong. Yeah, Betty Weetzter has infinite power. We can stop people. We've seen him use the cane to squeeze people dead in their tracks. You did not have to ambush a hobo or you could just turn him into a puppy

until you need him. Yeah. So and and one more thing, right? Like so they kept up the hobo, shoot him full of heroin. And our protagonist says, hey, can I stuff this guy in the trunk before I give him sacrificial over to see? Yes. Our protagonist. There we go. All right. So we cut to them.

Jimmy, his buddy Jimmy now is touching up that feedie wheat straw mask. This, this is so excellent because you can watch them be confused about where PD is supposed to be in the scene, right? Because it's just him with the guy poking him in the face with a paintbrush or whatever, right? Yeah. But then like, it's obvious that PD is supposed to be in the scene. They're like, fuck, what do we? What do we do? We put a wig on a cat and then put that cat in the suit. Yeah, I just want to put up like this was supposed to have been opening night for the PD Wheat straw comedy experience, right? Remember the competition that was going to drive me right to know for this. Yes, there were deaths over this.

No, not only does that not go on and this takes several days to pull it like we see days at night, go past? Yep. Like nobody in the movie remembers the act one plot. Like I nope, it's not like people show up to that club going was there not a comedy show. So now, but Jimmy as he's touching up the mask, he's like, hey, you know, it occurs to me that fooling Satan is probably a bad idea. And and he says, don't worry as long as I have this cane,

I'm as powerful as Satan to which Jimmy doesn't say, so what if you lose the cane? Or, hey, were there any non-drugged up homeless person plans that we could come up with, but using this cane? You know, omnipotence? Yeah. All right. And then we get all the Surefire

comedic gold of an older gentleman jogging for several minutes. Okay. Was that comedy? Because I was just like, it's cool. It's a Satan's, staying healthy.

Good for him. Yeah. So Satan is out for a jogging. He's wearing a red tracksuit because he's Satan. I think that's the joke. I love this tracksuit. I would wear the tracksuit every day for the rest of my life. Andrew, you are very soon going to own this track. Yeah, you're going to get seven of these for Christmas by the way. So So Satan jogs into the club and

tells PD, Hey, I've got a wedding gift for you. So I wanted to give you before you married my daughter. Yes. So they they jog off together. Yes. He takes them to the abandoned funeral home Red Velvet fuck den with an orgygy very weird location for a fuck orgy. Yes, I'm with you. I'm with you. I wish we could have set this up and said, if you paused the movie at this point and said, I want you to fill a notebook of all the guesses in all the universe of what's the gift to his son-in-law would be, would you come up with Orgy Montage? Because I would not have come up with Orgy Montage.

Be like the first second thing on my list, Andrew. Based on this movie so far. Right, so we have a big long comedic Orgy Montage. Andrew? What happened here? Okay, Eli, there's something you just need to understand about until like the mid 90s, all of our porn in every, it didn't matter how, how what scenario it came up with was just the obligatory 90 seconds in an R rated movie where you got to see 1970s boobs jiggle around on the screen.

Okay. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That is more pussy eating than you see in most movies pre 1995. That's true. That's true. So he, he, he fucks the shit and once again, okay, so keep in mind Satan's post beat bad guy here. Yeah. Satan just gave him a giant orgy, but okay, this is not a monkey's paw. I mean, other than the little like, you know, stuck on horns that are there. We know it. Oh, God, they're so bad. So bad. But, you

know, it is six reasonably attractive demon ladies that, uh, PD Wheatstruck gets to fucking Syria out of him. It's great. Yeah. So, okay. So then he comes back. Now he's, this is such a weird fucking scene So he comes back from his orgy. He's running late. It's almost time for Satan to pick him up for the wedding except Why does he need to be there? They have to fake him that they're gonna give to say It's all so confi he walks in and they're like where the heck were you and he's like oh I was We needed to put boobs in the movie.

So I was doing a, doing the boobs scene. That's how I was. Yeah. So he shows up just before Satan gets there. He has to run in the hide. Well, the demon horn guys come to pick PD up. And they're like, here have this unconscious person that's definitely PD weight drop.

But wouldn't you know it? Homeless guy wakes up from the heroin overdose. person that's definitely P.E.D. Wheatstrop. Yeah. But wouldn't you know it? Homeless guy wakes up from the heroin overdose they gave him and he takes his mask off. Uh-oh. The demons have realized they were duped. And again, the movie keeps pausing like a toddler telling you a joke, right? It is sure you're going to be like, oh, I got woke up from the heroin overdose. This movie is hilarious.

All right. So Satan's daughter is left standing at the altar. She is pissed. The devil is pissed. So he earthquakes the fuck out of PD wheat straw. Yeah. I applaud this movie's decision to use the starship enterprise as flying through an asteroid field way of Shake the camera a tiny bit to the left and have you wave your arms right? Yeah, exactly knock two things over Yeah, but PD we struck or grabs his cane and unearthquakes the earthquake Right, what you do and then the devil's like Shit, I probably shouldn't have given him an item that's as powerful as I am, right? earthquakes the earthquake right what you do and then the devil's like shit I probably shouldn't have given him an item that's as powerful as I am right I got little bit yeah the devil was like oh fuck right I'm Nippin and Skane he

actually have a scene where he's like oh right I forgot I gave him that cane like do you often give out your I'm Nipp, can't even forget about it. Jesus Christ, man. See why he lost that fucking fiddle. So, okay. So, Pety and the gang are talking this over the next day of the club. Nella's very upset. She's, by the way, I don't appreciate you

getting my fucking apartment Satan earthquake the other day. You broke a bunch of my shit. And this is where the demon Halloween costumes show up for another fight scene. And I'm gonna admit, up until this moment, I did not think this movie could go lower rent, but they sure do with these costumes.

So you guys are the experts in this. Why do the demons have little triangles sewn into their uniforms? Have their color coded? Is this like a hierarchy thing? Is this some part of the Bible I haven't read? I love that you think we would know. I've never been prouder. So.

And the extras are furious that they had to wear these silly costumes, right? They are very clearly the same five guys from the apartment fight earlier. And they're like, this fucking stupid, man. I look like a Halloween customer right now. Well, what's really amazing to me to the best acting we see the entire film when they bust into the club. All of PD's friends have to be scared because these are a bunch of demons, but it's just like, you know, it's just like a bunch of eight-year-olds were putting on some kind of hell thing at their church or whatever, right? Yeah. a bunch of eight year olds were putting on some kind of hell thing at their church or whatever, right?

Yeah. But all of the people have to act scared anyway. Then we have this amazing fight scene where we keep hearing the sound of glass breaking, but nothing is breaking because they don't have the budget to break. Yeah, they do not. But then ultimately, PD Kane waves them all away, right? He waves this cane around and they're like, right, I'm nip anance cane, fuck. This is not gonna help. Yeah. And in response, Satan is gonna send out his, his good demons, which I

think is, is weird that he sent his second stringer demons first, right? It seems you need to hold back the best demons. Right. Right. Yeah. So, but P.D. explains to all the guys that he's like, Hey, we need to get out of town very, very soon, but not right now. Satan's regionally. It's like Faga. We get, you know, three miles away. It'll be like a dukes of hazard ending. But, yeah, but the devil's like, all right, we're going to send the real fucking minions this time. P.D. is gang are all arguing over who gets to use which suit case. The devil minion show up, we have the exact same scene again.

It's the same guys, except they put like burn makeup on their faces. They're like, okay, they upgraded them to to Bernie faced Halloween costumes and some of the triangles are red this time. Oh, okay. They did. They leveled up. Okay. This makes sense now.

Yeah. And this fight choreography, I, Pety has the omnipotence came, but mostly what he does with it is uses it like a staff. Right. Just kind of poke at them. And even when he uses the powers, right? He uses it to like temporarily stop the demons a little bit. I'm like, make him back out of the door slowly.

Yeah. Cast turned into puppies. Right. Yeah. It's a can trip. Just use it. Yeah. No, but again, the exact same fucking scene, why should demons come in? They have

uncoriographed fighting and then he uses the cane to make them all back away so that they can run off. And then they go outside and do the same goddamn fight scene again. Same thing again. But luckily in this scene, at least as he's distracted strangling one of the demons with his cane, they kidnap his lady and drag her up to the roof. Yeah, exactly. At least it ends a little different this time. Yeah. So Satan's like, Hey, I'm going to kill now. If you don't come up here and marry my god damn daughter already. And also I would like my cane bag. But by the way, did anyone else notice that in fight number three, which is in the alley, there's a little Wayne graffiti on the wall?

Yes, I did notice that. I tried to Google to figure out if there was a connection, but I came up empty. So I'm sure that's where he came up. Just to be clear, for the listeners keeping track at home. Bruce Almighty, Little Wayne, Liar liar and Karate kid and Gallagher all inspired by PD Weed straw. It's really the most important film ever made if you think we owe it so much. So so PD climbs up to the roof to have it out with Satan Satan by the way is in white face at this point

And I'm so happy with Satan. Satan, by the way, is in white face at this point. And I'm so happy with that. Right. The idea that a black actor really wanted to go evil. So he put on white face. I get it. That's fair. And when he gets onto the roof, I know this isn't relevant to the plot of the movie, but I watched it so many times out of absolute confusion. He steps under the roof and then he does a sassy little dance. When he first sees the devil. Why? Why? Why? Why would you not do a sassy little dance? Yeah, it's fair. I also loved it. Like he's like, he's like,

all right, I'll go marry your daughter. Cannell go and say it's like, yes. Uh, she can. It's the best. Leave. Let the lady go. Okay. Oh, you don't, you don't want to wait to release your hostage.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I cannot think of a single reason. I have a hostage to be useful. So, so then we have the same demon fight for a fourth fucking time. Oh, an unlit roof. Yeah.

Right. Well, okay. And it's, this time it's just Dola might instead of him and all his buddies because we cut the downstairs where his buddies are. Nell runs out and says, Hey, you know, PD's fighting the demons up there. He needs help and all his buddies are like, nope. Yeah. Gonna stay right the fuck down here. And they do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. No, we cut back upstairs thinking that maybe they're going to show up at the last note. They take now back to her place to get her phone charger or something. Yeah, women.

Am I right? Jesus. So meanwhile, Satan is duking it out with PD. PD's getting the best of him though. He's got the cane. So he's kicking a lot of ass. And again, Satan is the protagonist of the movie. He's like, Pety, we were friends. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, dude, like earlier today, I produced like

six or seven hot demon ladies for you to have an orgy with. Like, I'm just asking that you in pregnant. My daughter, clearly, I'm cool with you fucking other women on the side. Right? That's what Pety's answer is, you can't trust the devil. The only person who daughter. Clearly I'm cool with you fucking other women on the side, right? And but PD's answer is you can't trust the devil. The only person who has told the truth and not tried to kidnap a hobo multiple times. Yeah. But so PD kick Satan's ass with the cane. We watch Satan scream at the cane for a very long time. And then the transition to the fire thing. Oh, God. Yes. It's a literal star. Why? Yep. It was, it was, it was the fucking Dolomites purple paisley outfit of special effects. He had, He was the best thing we've seen since the Quran melted salmon rush these face. Yeah. Oh, so amazing. Yeah, he said Satan catches on fire and he throws

them off the roof. And then he snaps the omnipotence cane. And he's going to regret that shit. Got your why he didn't keep the omnipotence And don't forget, while Satan is dying, we smash cut over to what is a silhouette of gumbee lit on fire on the paper. No. No. All right. So he has does this.

He's pretty stoked about all the Satan killings. It's pretty good. You know, I just killed Satan. You feel him pretty good about himself. So he gets in the car, but damn it. If Satan's not in that car, he's still alive. What the hell was any of this about then? Yeah. It's reverse wizard of us. We get to see like Satan is there and Lee Roy and skill it are there. Oh, yeah, right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So he gets in the car and it's like, nope, sorry.

I'm still Satan because you can't kill me And he's like, right, Satan shouldn't have snapped the unippinance came Ugly Satan daughter is there and that's how we like the close of the film is that like she pulls back her veil and we're like Oh, yeah, no, she's pretty ugly. Yeah, I'll vault them or it's it up and shit. Yeah, yeah It's now with one tooth and a like kind of caved in nosy thing. Yeah, you know, yeah. And then PD screams end to the end. That's the end. You might as well scream. We are out of ideas for this movie. All right. So Andrew, I have a question for you because last week, you seemed really disappointed that you weren't going to be a part of that this this episode. And I get that you regret that now, but like, do you have any idea going back

in your mind to your college days? Why you thought you might not? Yeah, I blame my friend Travis had a huge fondness for black exploitation films. And one night we got very, very drunk and watched like the complete uvru of dolomite. And this was one of them. And I seem to remember like alcohol. So yeah, no, you're not. I neither of you are kind of sores the way I am. But see the thing that can happen when you're really, really drunk is you can fall asleep for like half an hour and wake up 27 minutes of lingering on a cane vibrating right that's the thing is that yeah, there's no 27-minute period where it would matter to the plot of this movie already They were you notice anything missing all right all right well played so that's going to do for our review of PD Weed Straw,

but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to rope you back in for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, are the stairs may remember the anti-science extravaganza from a ways back climate hustle? Well, the good news is this week, this sequel is out. No. And the better news is it's narrated by Kevin Sorba. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh, man, I can't, no, don't, don't. Show the pages. Just the fuck up. All right. All right. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring the last episode we record before Joe Biden is present and elect to a merciful close. Once again, he's thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go.

If you'd like to catch yourself among their ranks, you can make a pre-episode donation at patreon.com. So that's God awful. And thereby, you're in early access to an ad free version of our re-episode. You can also help a ton by leaving us a five star review and by sharing the show in all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows and the skating ideas that take you to D&D minus and the skeptic crowd available wherever podcast lip. If you have questions, comments or send them out suggestions, you can email Godoffemot. And you mail that com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law

if this is a P.M. Drutoris. Tim Robbins and Takes Here of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by our audio engine over Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heath and right and Eli Bosnick. I'm no illusions, props to work harder

and another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Hell, abolished the rule of male primogeniture in 1984 and became a community property jurisdiction, so turns out Satan didn't need a son after all. Joe Biden went on to win Florida and we all went to bed happy to him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What rabbits foot rabbits foot? Not gonna look. Mr. White's actual name was Steve Jones. He just felt super uncomfortable correcting the people on this planet. The White's everybody. The White's everybody.

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