God Awful Movies - 274: Agent Emes Episode 3

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

This week, Moishe joins us for the Case of the Missing Pushka, the story of a bunch of stereotypes being brazenly reinforced. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

We baked you a hala and of course it's got a saw in it, but to get the hand saw into it they had to shape it like a giant cock and balls. They sure did. I know our listeners are thinking it can't possibly look that much listen to my fucking voice. Yes it does. This looks more like a dick and balls than my dick and balls. Like...

Alright, I stood next to the TV, dropped right through my hair. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be or miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic Noah. And this week, I'm Nazi propaganda. You are. And actually, you won't be the only Nazi propaganda joining us today. We also have our special guest, bassist, Moishi. Moishi, welcome back and it's been too long, sir. Yes, it has so good to be back on the show, Noah. And you're going to say that even after watching it, the thing is, you know, what it is, is that we very rarely make voice. You watch anything long. That's why he still lacks it. Yeah, what's really, it's really in everybody's interest.

Yours mind, but listen. Well, the thing is, is that our listeners are used to whenever we introduce the guest, the guest go and like, I hate you guys and I want you to fuck off and die. And you're just like, it's great to be back. Oh, I've never listened to this. I've never listened to this fucking show. Oh, well, no, I get it. I get it.

All right, so tell us, boy, she's what will we be breaking down today? We will be watching secret age MS and the mystery of the missing push. Yeah. Okay. Is that a real thing? Is that a real word? It's just fucking with me on that. Is that a real thing? Is that a real word? And I just fucking with me on that.

It's a real word. It's not what we ever called it. Like I don't know about you Eli. We always called it just like the seduca box. I never heard of it. I mean, you didn't use pushkey that often. Yes, but for the listeners wondering if Jews do have giant celebratory boxes of money. Oh, yes, absolutely.

We do have them. It's worth saying we don't usually talk about it to the public, let alone put it in a direct-to-home video movie. I think they were counting on all of us having given up by episode three. They're like, no, we could put in the giant box of money at this point. It'll be fine. Episode five is Agent M.S. and the blood libel. I'm excited for that one.

All right, so but my question though is like honestly, like was the one in this movie comically oversized or you or is that like a real? No, pretty. It felt small to me. It's Jesus. And and here's the best part. They did not include this in the episode, but I don't know if you did this with your

Zidducka box, but as part of the unveiling of the Zidducka box, they open it from the front and all the money pours out onto the floor. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. That's our high holiday. Yeah. Part of the celebration, at least when we did it with artsy ducka box, was literally opening

it up, allowing our Jew gold to spill onto the floor before us, everybody cheers, and then they scoop it into a giant Jew bag. And the causes they go to, you know, it's weird. I remember like ours would go to like building the fucking, uh, you know, uh, secote thing, you know, like, it's not like it's going to the, like, it's going to the ACLU. Like, no, no, never. Wow.

At best, you're getting like an especially nice, sook of that year at worst, it's settlements on the West Bank. I feel very bad that I couldn't get from Sukkot thing to the word Sukkot, but that's not the second in my brain. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you've loved the uncomfortable anti-semitism that Agent M.S. is stirred in your heart on the other episodes, but you didn't feel like the show was in on the joke. You will love this episode. Again, this movie inceptions its anti-semitism in an episode about a secret box of money that Jews have. It ups it. It ups. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but it does up the anti-semitism.

Absolutely. It does. And is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yeah, I actually struggled with this. It was either the best worst depiction of the Jews or the worst best picture of the Jews. All I know for sure is it makes me feel like maybe there were fine people on both sides that day. Maybe they shouldn't be replaced. But yeah, so no, okay.

Are we? Are we the baddies? So, well, so I'm going to, I think I'm going to time mine back into Eli's description of it. I'm going to go with best worst pointless giant stack of cash. Right. The kid, the kid that opens up as well, and he's got like 70,000 $10 bills in their engine. There's no reason for that whatsoever except for to be like, okay, yeah, yeah, that

part sometimes that we do have that. I just yeah, yeah, still still struggling with that myself. And I know I usually give away the game here, but all I'm going to say at the outset is best worst motivation for a villain. I'll set it up this way and I don't think I'm spoiling anything. This episode is a caper about who stole the pushka, the giant box of Jew gold. The reason the person stole the giant box of Jew gold would make Stephen Miller blush. He'd be like, okay, that's a little much. Yes. Yes. All right. Well, I'll tell you

what, we've got a lot of Yiddish to explain to Noah on the other side of this break. So we're going to keep it brief. And when we come back, we'll dive in all the stereotype reinforcements that are agent, Emma's send a case of the missing push. Gentlemen, welcome to the right is meeting for episode three of Secret Agent Emis. Hey! Now we've all fought for 45 minutes over the temperature of the room, and we're agreed that everyone is unhappy at 72.664 degrees.

I'm just saying that I have the asthma though. All right, so who's got ideas for the show? All right, all right. What about Agent MS? Doesn't know how to speak English, because they don't teach him that in his tax fund at Yashiva though. And that's kind of every episode though.

Oh, what about Agent MS? And the argument about whether that passing comment was specifically anti-Semitic. Nah, the stuff is for kids. Um... Agent Emis sent the blood libel? Eh, too believable. I got it!

What if we base our story on a who-done it around a giant box filled with money that Jews keep in our safe? I... Herf, that's... Great. Now, let's celebrate with some off-brand, which is both flat and hot from the sun. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on the police rushing to the scene of a prison break. Now I want to point out, these are real police cars driving in a real town very quickly

with their lights on. Just no matter how insignificant the town or the hour, I want everyone to keep in mind to all of this that at some point for this episode traffic was blocked. They also say that there's been a prison break from the prison. I wrote my notes as opposed to the bakery. Yeah, right. A prison break repeat, a prison break at the prison. Well, yeah. They also say the suspect is driving a 1993 Cadillac and someone really just wanted to show off their 1993 Cadillac. Yeah. And for the crime of evil, like I get why this guy's pissed off. All right, that is not a, that's not a very fair charge to me. Taking away someone's freedom. Well, yeah, though, they say the, the radio, they say subject is considered extremely

evil. Yeah. Oh, black. Is that what, oh, no, okay, no, it's, but no, it's Dr. Lotto of the evil bad guy nevacists of agent Emma, who was apparently arrested in the last one and is now breaking out of prison. Yeah. And this movie's so Jewish, even the bad guy has a nagging Jewish mother who pretends she's dying when she has to do stuff. Okay, hold on a second. Let's just, we've got over this in the first show. He's just a fucking Jew, right? Yeah, I appears to be.

Where is Justin Jew? What, the more you come to understand about low-tovs, the nefarious fucking plot, the clear It becomes that I can't break it down. I can't break it down because it makes no fucking sense But he he believes in the Messiah. Yep. He believes in the power of Mitzvah. Mm-hmm. I'm confused about what kind of Nazi he is. I feel like not enough people have spent time asking low-tough what the end goal is because it's very confusing. Well, you know, but that's a common theme among children's show bad guys. So I'll give them that, right?

But yeah, he's the evil bad guy, anti-Jew. I don't know. Yeah. No clue. And we covered the pun of his name, right? Of the genius cleverness of the show. Did we cover this in the last? I don't think so.

So low-tove is Hebrew for no good. It just means literally, he's doctor no good. That's a fucking joke. But what's even better is that MS's organization, I didn't catch this in the first one we watched. I caught it this time. Their thing is called Tovemet Ode, which just means a very good.

So it's just Dr. No Good versus the very good. That is the battle taking place here. And I gotta tell you, you know, that attention to detail, that kind of creativity really just permeates the entire project. So absolutely, absolutely. So, so good. to detail that kind of creativity really just permeates the entire project. So absolutely.

Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. So Dr. Lowtoff's being driven home from prison by his mom. His mom is very upset that he managed to get himself caught by a little kid. Although, although to Dr. Lowtoff's credit, he goes, how could I have stopped him?

He has thousands of years of Torah behind him this guy loves the fucking Torah All right, so but then the mom has like a heart attack or either that or she's just Fucking with and we can't tell right if they which just say Jewish mother so it's impossible to tell right Right. Yeah, exactly. And they, they somehow got an old actress, but still put her in the world's stupidest old woman wig. Right. Why? It's like putting cat ears on a cat like this. It's like, we're just fucking thing I've ever seen. But if there's anything in all Jewish production is going to have, it's a bunch of spare wigs.

So, you know, that's true. That's true. That's a very niche joke that I don't know that everyone's going to get, but that's a great joke. All our Georgian listeners are like, why Jews wig? Not all our Georgian listeners. Dammit, I joined parlor. I joined parlor.

Also, I went out low toves outfit. It's very clear he escaped from a concentration camp, right? But he's literally wearing the like stripe pajamas with a lice hat. Like, yeah, no, right. He's full hamburger. It's weird how a non-Jewish person reads that outfit versus how a Jewish person reads. Oh, I went straight. I went like Assassin's Creed.

I went back in time into the fucking camp. But I saw that. Right. Spoilers for the next game. Yeah. All that. That one. They should do that one.

Assassin's Creed doc. Yeah. I can't wait to play that. Oh, I break out of Buchenwald. I'm not going to lie. All I break out of Buchenwald. I'm not gonna lie. All right, so then we get to greatest intro in the history of television. Yes, I'm including Bible man when I say that because Bible man doesn't have the theme song that will now be stuck in my hand for a week. Oh, yeah, I see great age. And man, da da da da da da da da.

I was counting on one of you guys to do the rest of it. So yeah, no, that's all I just, I just, if this theme song teaches us anything, it's that there is a keyboard of less quality than Casio and the person who wrote this theme song, I wouldn't say. I forgot, I know we did this in the last one too, but I just every time we walked in of these episodes,

I forget that crazy scene where the kid almost eats shit. Like, and I really, you have no way for me to describe it properly to our listeners. They have to watch it. There's a scene in the opening credits where it's like an action sequence and he's chasing a bad guy. And this fucking eight year old kid, like basically knocks down a fire escape stairs, but it bounces off the ground. And you watch this child actor come a fucking ball hair away from just eating shit so hard.

And I just was like, where was Oshan this set? Yeah. No shit. Well, so the one that always forget, and the one I thought you were going to go to was the example they show in the credits of how he's like, you know, this Jewish superhero agent, Emma's. And that's when the guy in the groucho glars glasses tries to swap out kosher dogs for the demonic ones. Right. And I got that like that. There's just a silly little thing that they're doing. But like they're giving this

Did you wish get so like they're reinforcing this idea that there's like somebody out there who's trying to trick them into eating Nothing goes there at dogs and I wonder what that does to a child And the irony is like there are people out to get the Jews, but yeah there are people out to get the Jews, but this is not what we need to be looking at. Exactly. Yeah. A fucking Richard Spencer isn't going into kosher grocery stores. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah, but once again, he survives the stairs and the opening and everything. And then we open up on the on the giant money box. And I got to say I missed this on my first watch again, but my favorite scene though in the whole opening credits is the moment. You guys remember this where like the guy runs the red light and MS doesn't go after him because he's a good Yashiva boy. Yeah. That for me was the first moment that I was like, this isn't realistic at all. If this kid were an actual Israeli spy, he would have shot that guy in the back of the head, gone through his phone, found his address, murdered his dog, carved, don't fuck with

the Jews into the dead guy's chest before stuffing his mouth with non-cocher hot dogs. Because I only actual note that I wrote in the document is needs more Munich. Secret Agent M.S. Munich, it should be the final episode. Agent M.S., there's a little girl in there? There are little girls everywhere. Secret engine M. Imagine if the imagine if the Israelis didn't drug and execute I command because there was a don't walk sign.

Secret agent M is seducing I couldn't a bar. In bed. All right. This episode's got dark quick. a bar in bed and say. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this doesn't tie into anything. This is just establishing shot shit where they're like, oh, remember guys, nice week we're going to meet at Dave's house and then Henry's house so that their houses will be tax exempt places of worship. Don't forget that.

Very important. And then they introduced the gigantic box of money. Yeah. I'm going to be honest with you guys, I blacked out for most of this scene. I literally just had five minutes of Vietnam style flashbacks to Solomon Shector Day school for this. This is a rough go for Moisha. So for those of you guys who are not familiar with the listeners who are not familiar with

what a push is, this looks like to the uninitiated, the kind of box that you would keep your robotic wolf ninja in until you unveil him to the worlditiated, the kind of box that you would keep your robotic wolf ninja in until you unveil him to the world. Yeah. All right. Except it's, it's so much more dangerous. It's ju-money. Yeah.

In the span of three fucking minutes, they have a joke about tax exempted houses of worship. They have a joke about all the money they hoard and they have a joke about how none of them like sports. Honest to God, if you showed me this and told me it was produced by Proud Boys Studios, I would not believe you. Yeah, right. Right.

They really lean into a lot of those stereotypes early on. So yeah, so H&M is in his, you know, mild mannered, just some little Jewish kid persona. Instead, they're talking to his dad and he's going like, man, that is a giant fucking his mild mannered, just some little Jewish kid persona. It's that they're talking to his dad and he's going like, man, that is a giant fucking box that you gold, huh? And then they they established that it's been there for like 18 years. Now, could you guys explain to me what the hell is going on here? Is this just like a collection plate concept or what?

Yeah, it's like a collection plate, but you remember how you did like a time capsule when you were in elementary school? Yeah, we do that with the various wealth we used to control the media. Come back later, dig up a big box of money and spend it on some settlements. All right, but why, but what's the point of waiting a particular period of time? Because it's not like, you know, the money doesn't grow in value if it's just sitting in the box. Right. We like it.

So the goal is to have enough to fill a swimming pool, right? And then you dive in. Yeah. Moishi is kind of joking, but it is literally so that when you open the big box and it spills onto the floor, everyone's like, look at all that fucking money. Wow. And keep in mind, what you're sabotaging is your own charity or cause by waiting 18 years.

Yes, absolutely. Right. Okay, all right, just checking. All right, so H&M is just going like, wow, that's a whole bunch of money there. We could do some charity with it. And they're like, yeah, I mean, we could. And the bully kid turns around. Now in this movie, I should point out in this episode,

they finally got a bully that's larger than Agent Amos instead of the little tiny kid that they used before. But the bully kid turns around and he's like, Hey, would you mind shutting the fuck up? My dad's about to talk. Oh my God. The genetics in this movie are we like there's practically tastes. Act should get an under five credit. Oh, fuck. I will say that that bully ends up getting a beautiful arc throughout this. Yeah, I really, I really feel like he ends up having the most depth as we will come to

learn. Well, even right here, I'm like, I'm, I'm with team, I'm team bully kid. I wrote it in my notes immediately when he told Agenemist to shut the fuck up. So, okay. So then this fucking stereotype shows up. This kid's dad, right? He goes, I shit you not his opening line of his speeches, friends, employees, debtors. I have a BMW traditional Jewish greeting. Of course,

everyone knows that Jews don't have BMWs because they worked with the Nazis. So you got to get a different nice car. Oh, right. Yeah. No, that makes sense. So yeah, but there's like he has and we're trying to establish that this guy is like, you know, only thinks about money, kind of character, right? Right. Yeah. But all I saw was the stereotype. I get that what they were doing in retrospect, but all I saw was the stereotype and I thought, wow, so proud, boys, he produced, no, okay.

No, all right. Also, spoilers, this movie will never be like, you need to care less about money. Nope. Never. At any point. No, you find out some horrifying shit apparently about what we think about money. Yes, actually, we too. I watched this film and was like, fuck, do we actually believe that? We'll get there right before the first throw.

So yeah, but at this point, by the way, Agent Emis' friend turns to him. You know, this is his buddy who actually knows his secret identity and he's like, boy, I'll tell you what, I bet your arched Nemis' tries to steal that giant box of money before this episode's over, huh? Right? And he says, no, he could never do that.

They lock the push guy in a safe every night. And I'm like, isn't the push guy a giant box of money? Like, you just put a lock on it and it is a safe, right? Wouldn't that be the same? Okay. Oh, simple Noah thinking that we don't have safes within safes within safe. But when you're a culture built around giant 18 year old boxes of money, you get multi-layered safes down pretty quickly.

Right, no fair. A lot of people don't know, we control the safe industry. All right, so meanwhile, Dr. Lotto's minion clearance is there scoping out that giant pushca. Yeah, right, we see him on the phone with Lotto, I'm telling him about it. But before he can get to it,

he gets shoved by Chevy Jews out into the it. But before he can get to it, he gets shoved by shovy juice out into the street. Yep. He does. And what I loved about this scene is that it's, it's not supposed to be like, ah, juice or shovy, it's just supposed to be, oh, you know, that thing that typically happens, juice just pushing past each other like a fucking black Friday stampede. Yeah, but Agent M.S. recognizes this million, but he can't say it. black Friday stampede. Yeah, but Agent M. is recognizes this minion,

but he can't say it because he's not in his agent M. is here. He's in his mild mannered, whatever the kid's name is, persona. So they make the joke about how his kid doesn't sports because he's Jewish. He's the henchman's like, sorry, I was just asking your son about the sports definition.

And he was like, look, there are three kinds of Jews. There are sporty Jews, sneaky Jews, and fat Jews. My son is very obviously of the sneaky variety. If you want a sporty Jew, you go to the JCC down the street. They're playing basketball. They're constantly and for all time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is like, this is like the scene from the dark night where Bruce Wayne is like at the party and the jokers there, but he can't do anything because he's

as he's there as Bruce Wayne. Right. You can just see agent MS is like thinking of nine ways to kill this fucking goyum. All right. so then Emma's head's home and we have this scene that's it's unnecessarily confusing for both us and our audience, but I have to keep it in because there's just not enough meat here for us to do a whole episode otherwise. The one where he comes in and he finds his sister dressing up as agent Emma's. Yeah, and I've actually heard that the agent MS subreddits were up in arms about the rumors of a female Agent MS reboot. So it turns out that she's just going to dress as Agent MS for Purim.

Yep. Yeah. And they have a, so they have this whole moment where like he thinks his cover is blown, but really it's just that his, his little sister's Purim costume. You get it? Yeah, because this town fucking loves Agent MS. Yeah. This is a box with Agent MS hard. Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah, I wrote my notes. I'm like, this scene just exists to make it hard to describe to our audience what the fuck is going on. just exist to make it hard to describe to our audience with the fuck is going on. All right. So the next morning, agent Emma's wakes up to his bed, bed, bedale alarm. Yeah, I wrote, I wrote in my notes, no, for $10,000, I would like you to guess what that bucket and two-handle jug makes the agent Emma's his bed are. I'll give you a hint. It's called a Negal Vosser. Yeah. I just, yeah, right. No, I assumed ass washing was a part of it. The movie tries to convince me otherwise I'm unconvinced. And for those who are worried about this and aren't actually watching the movie, a

Negal Vosser is like a teeny tiny kitty pool with a two-handled jug in it. And it's so you can ju-wash your hands right before you go to sleep and right when you wake up. Yeah. I want to be clear, not wash your hands in the way that actually washing your hands works. You just gently pour water over each of your hands three times way that actually washing your hands works, you just gently pour water over each of your hands three times and say a prayer because that's what you washing hands is.

Yeah, but what kills more bacteria, soap or prayer based on how America's doing prayer. Yeah, prayer. So, but this is it and it's just some ordinary Negal Vosser. This is is a televoss, it's a, it's a bidetio. Anyway, so the boss from Agent Emma's agency, I guess, is appearing in his Negal Vosser because he like shows up all in Specter Gadgets boss, you know, just in weird places. This time it's in the Negal boss. And he tells him that the pushka has been stolen. Yeah.

And what I love is Agent Emis is like, I mean, it's Dr. Lotov, right? He does all the bad stuff in all of our shows. Yeah. And he's like, this is not just a simple case of burglary. And I'm like, how is this? This is, this is the definition of a simple case of burglary. And I'm like, how is this? This is, this is the definition of a simple case of burglary. It's something that does some things. Yeah, he says, and then just to make it,

so this movie is so Jewish, it's like hanging out with two friends that work at the same place and you don't or whatever. And at this point, he says, Agenem is, I need you to wash your hands, say, Brookers and Shemaema and then get right down here. And I'm just like, I'm not fucking gonna Google that one. I just got done.

Standard military operating procedure. No, standard SOP. So. And then I want to talk about this weird moment at the end of the scene, right? Because they just are chewing the chewing spring terrible. I don't know why that actor chose to eat a juke cookie at the end of the scene, right? Because Agent Mell is the chewing, the chewing is pretty terrible. I don't know why that actor chose to eat a juke-y in the middle of this scene. It's very upsetting. I'm talking about it at the very end.

He goes, Agenemis, before you go and there's this super long pause, so long that I wrote in my notes, is he gonna fuck him? Because it super seems like he's gonna fuck this kid. He doesn't fuck the kid. He doesn't fuck the kid. No, he has to go see an even more genetically inferior Jewish child to learn the tradition of charity. But before he does that, he decides to finish his cookie and I shit you not. The director lingers on him chewing for nine and a half fucking seconds.

So, they're done talking. They're just like, this is our transition now. Yep. Yeah. But he's like, yeah, okay. But before you can go on this mission to figure out what the hell's going on, you have to, uh, I want you to watch me fuck this cookie with my mouth. And then I want you to go see the extraordinarily Jewish kid who can pedantically correct your understanding of the Torah. Fish lips kid whose name I and I laugh at it every time it's been three episodes in a row. His name is hacham. Is it sure as buddy? It sure is. Best against name. All right. So yes, so ha Hachem is going to explain the laws of charity to him.

And this is Noah's best worst where he pulls out a giant wallet full of money. For no reason, it's never apropos to the plot. It's like Travolta in pulp fiction by in the fucking heroin. This kid opens up his wallet. It's just $9,000. He pulls out a $10 bill and he says, here, I'm going to hand you this. And he's like, why is like, there will never be a reason I just wanted to show off my fat fucking stat. Well, he's using his fat fucking stat to explain Talmudic sort of laws about charity,

which I didn't actually remember. I didn't, I mean, I remembered vag about charity, which I didn't actually remember. I mean, I remember vaguely this, but I didn't remember the exact rules. Apparently, it's good to give, and this is what they say in the movie. I didn't Google it. I assume it's true, but it's a mitzvah to give at least a tenth of your income to charity. But this is the part I didn't know. And I'm quoting this almost verbatim. If you give more than a fifth of your income to charity, so more than, if more than 20% of your income leaves your hands, you're a dick. And yes, I'm only barely paraphrasing.

I think the actual line is like, Dennis is like, but what if I want to give more than a fifth and fish lips goes, then you're a sucker. No, he says, you're a full. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yes. He says, but you can give up to 20 percent. And I just wrote as a joke. I'm like, there's a fucking limit, but then he's like, there's a fucking limit. Yeah. Apparently that's a real thing. Like you're only like there's a line in something that says like only a fool gives more than that. And so I wrote this episode should be titled agent MS versus any possible remaining good

whale towards the Jewish people. And by the way, before everyone gives the Jews too much credit, there's a bunch of exceptions to you being able to give more than 20% of your money to the temple. Don't worry. Yeah, right. Right. Unless it's a Saturday and the sun is facing east. Well, then, and you can triple your investment by buying here at Liberty University.

Yeah. But so the point is number one, there's a limit to how much you should give to charity goddamn it But number two, and this is the most important point that Haqqa makes is that charity is not about goodwill It's about doing what you're fucking told. Yes. Yeah, he says that explicitly He says that explicitly in the in the episode. Yeah, and when Emma is little fucking socialist is like Okay, but if God wants us to give to charity Why don't you just make everyone have the same amount of money and Hachum's answer is God made rich people and poor people So that the rich people can fix it. Yeah, right. Yes, the repeated refrain of Judaism

The you know Lord works in mysterious ways of Judaism God made the world broken so we could fix it. What a dick, right? Like, you imagine if like anything that did that, like the restaurant sends out your meal and they're like, we mostly cooked it. We want this. Fuck you. We brought you into this restaurant

so that you could finish the job. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. God made the rich people so that they could give money to the poor people. I don't know if that's more dangerous or stupid, but okay. And then Kachem asks for his $10 back and I really wanted him to charge interest just like $10 and 25 cents.

Yeah. You just wanted him to like juice that kid. Like Paulie from the fucking sub-ron house. All right, well, I'll tell you what now that we've learned something here today, I suppose we can pause for a quick break, but we're back in a flash with even more agent Amos. Secret edge. Oh, which ones do what do you do? Hi, I'm Noah Luzon, and I'm here to talk about this week's sponsor Hello Fresh America's number one meal kit. Hello fresh. Let's you skip those trips to the grocery store and makes home cooking easy, fun and affordable.

But most importantly, it cuts down the odds that you'll ever go to a restaurant with Eli who's vegan and moishi who's got celiac disease. I'm just saying, is it that much trouble to ask the kitchen to change their gloves? And that those gloves be kept separate from animal products or wheat? Yep. Unlike eating with Moishi and Eli, hello fresh, easy and stress-free. Cut out meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on your table in about 30 minutes. Wow, it takes us 30 minutes just to ask questions about the menu.

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Everybody change your gloves again right now. At least once, yes. Dude. And so I said to where your wearing sandals, all I'm doing is taking pictures of what you're showing off for free. Yeah, dude, I feel like we've had this conversation before I don't think that's a good excuse. Oh, you sound just like the police. Can I say that? Hey, Moishi.

Oh my god. Thank god Noah. So, look, you've been on the show a couple of times. And I wanted to thank you. So, here you go. Oh, that's so sweet. You didn't have to. Mango nectar. Yeah. You didn't have to. Mango nectar. Yeah, you like told me what you guys use it for and that you've never felt comfortable oiling up while I was here. So I figured, you know,

I'm sorry, oiling up. Yeah, thank you. No, he loves it. Don't you? Moishi. How? Yes. It's awesome. Thank you, buddy. Nice. Nice. All right. I'll see you guys in a. How? Yes. It's awesome. Thank you, buddy. Nice. Nice. All right.

I'll see you guys in a minute for the record. Hey Eli. Mm-hmm. What was that about? Oh, yeah. So after Noah watched this week's episode and learned that Jews actually do keep giant boxes of money, I told him the thing about Jews having horns. He's also real.

You know, BingBang Boom, Free Mango Nectar for our horns. Sure. Are you not worried about spreading that kind of anti-Semitism around? I mean, we're putting out this episode, right? Yeah, that's fair. You didn't drink that No, and we're back from where this shit We're gonna open up this time on low-tops minion clearance. Getting is asked kicked by a hat Which means that at some point in the writer's room this conversation happened. What should he fight? Really happened real moments in the universe. This is some birdemic level CGI model. I'm here.

Yeah. I will say though, clearance fucking sells it, right? That guy, there's nothing there. You have to remind yourself it's added afterwards. He looks terrified of that fucking hat. Well, I looked him up. He went to Juilliard. Did he?

J.E.W. Yeah. head. Well, I looked him up. He went to Juilliard. J E W. Yeah. So yeah. So, but he gets his ass kicked by the hat. Agen M is comes over grabs his head and says, I caught you. He's like, I'm actually going into a hospital to visit a person who's dying. So yes, you caught me doing that. And my favorite moment of that reveal is Agent MS asks him what's in his coat, right? And he goes to reach in to show him the chocolates he brought for low toves sick mother, and MS goes slowly, right? Like slowly reach into your coat. Don't do anything, you know, too fast. And I love it because it means there's at least the possibility of this universe. That coherence has a gun. Or that, uh, as you know, this is going to take him the fuck out if he moves to. Right. I love, I love the notion that he's just

like slowly, like that's going to stop this grown adult from shooting him in his fucking face. But yeah, but this is where we learn that the real reason he's there is because Mama low top is dying. Not the plot point I was expecting from Agent Emmett. Nope. Yeah. She's in the hospital there and they go to go in, but before they go in, the hospital administrator shows up and stops him and she's like, excuse me.

You're a random friend of the, this lady's family. I want to talk to you about her bill. Like, David, where's Hachem when you need a man? He had the cash to take care of this. And Clarence is like, don't worry, low tovel, get the money. And she's like, again, random hospital nurse administrator person is like, no, no, no, I reviewed all of his financial records and can say, verifiably, he does not have the mind. Yeah. I took his blood pressure, temperature and credit score. I know he doesn't have the

blood. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, and also you're just some random kid. You can't go in there. And he's like, damn it. I wanted to go see my arch nemesis is sick. Mom, I just what would that have been like you know anyway I would have I would have really enjoyed a arch nemesis is trying to be polite to each other in front of one of their six mom it's the scene from Batman versus Superman where we find out their mom has the same name. And therefore there by ends their rival. Yeah right yeah. All right, but no no, now that is not the case, but now with this new information, right?

Knowing that Lothav needs the money to pay a hospital bill, he goes back to see the boss. And the boss is like, huh, that might explain why we were getting such weird readings from our graph. And it shows this, this bar graph, it's a 3 3D bar graph that's just kind of going up and down It's just a cheapest silica. It's Microsoft word. It's my It's Microsoft word. I know that fucking graph. It's Microsoft word Yep

Clippy didn't show up and it was like It looks like you're trying to find a push guy. Yeah. So do you need help finding a push? Yeah, but he says the instruments have been giving us weird readings as though there was, you know, as though this was not an evil crime. And I'm like, what kind of fucking instrumentation do you have? And then they realize simultaneously that the reason low tove needs the money is because his mother is sick in the hospital. And my note is, God, if only we could somehow structure society in a way where people

weren't forced to take extraordinary and sometimes criminal actions just to afford basic healthcare for their families. But you know what? That would require people to give more than 20% of their income. And you know what, that would make those people fucking losers. Yeah, fucking losers. Fucking losers like the Bible says, I love this show comes so close to making a good point.

I love to. So he's like, the boss is like, you know what this reminds me of is the story of Jacob and Esau. And I'm just like, what? He's like, he's like, remember because Esau was, he was a terrible, terrible person in every way, but love this person. I'm like, he was not the bad guy in that fucking story. He's not even a little bit the bad guy in that

story. He's just covered in red fur. He's just hairy. That did get so monumentally fucked. But the movie's like, yeah, that's what it is. Also, fuck that guy in his sick mom. Right? Like, like, uh, Agent Emerson is boss just sit there and laugh about how much that guy's sick mom can go fuck herself. Yeah. Agent Emerson is like, I'll give him a gold star when I put the cuffs on him. Yeah.

What? And the boss is like, Hell yeah, sick mom. And again, this is a children's program. This is like a Paw Patrol had the shooting of an unarmed black man, and then the dogs spend the rest of the fucking episode joking about it. I can breathe. Woof woof.

Oh, it's this guy. So, so Agent Emsko's home, you know, back in his mild, manored garb and finds his dad being arrested for stealing the bluska. And little sister is totally fine with her dad going to jail. And I was like, that's a weird character choice. But to be fair, he won't let her learn to read. So I kind of get it now. It brings a full circle. No, that makes sense. So yeah, they, they, apparently, the police suspect his dad of being the thief. So we cut the Emma's visiting his dad in the bird cage. Yeah, my note, my note just says cut to interior Auschwitz

day. This present is fucking nuts. So few Jews are in jail. We think you wear stripe pajamas and they just keep you in a bird cage. Yeah, no, he's wearing that same hamburger outfit from the beginning of the movie. Yeah, they just had the one. And I love their conversation because he goes, Dad, did you steal the pushka? And his dad says, no, the Torah says I can't. He implies if it didn't, I would steal the fuck out of that pushka. You see how much money was in that box? Well, and then the son is just like, I don't know, Dad, I would steal the fuck out of that push, you see how much money was in that box? Well, and then the sun is just like,

I don't know, Dad, I might believe you. He's like, really? You might, huh? Wow. Wow, might. But this is where he realizes that if he catches the real robber, they'll have to let his dad go. Yep.

So I guess, you know, now it's personal or whatever. Yep. Well, he has a very particular set of skills now. He's got a fake mustache. He's got flying hat. Flying hat. All right. You don't want to get in fucking, I've come to love these movies. I've written a whole counter narrative in my head where Agent MS is just a ball of thirsty adventure. Oh, and then we get the scene where his two little sisters show up for tendin' to be tiny little lawyers, and that's adorable. Oh, that's good.

Very cute. The dick, Hala. Yeah, right. Something that little girls are like, yeah, we baked you a Hala. And of course, it's got a saw in it. But to get the hands on to it, they had to shape it like a giant cock and balls They sure did I know I know our listeners are thinking it can't possibly look that much listen to my fucking voice This looks more like a dick and balls than my dick and ball

All right, I stood next to the TV, dropped her out. I compared it's uncanny. It's crazy how much this bread looks like a dick, which I think was actually a very subtle joke on the daughter's part. I think that was her telling her dead, like, hey, dad, eat a dick. So I think you guys just missed the subtle humor. All right, well, tell you what, that daughter was my favorite character in the fucking show.

So I'm all about it. Yeah. Oh, and I love this moment because the guards like, hey, wait a minute. You don't need the Hala bread on Tuesday or whatever the fucking is that he figures out. So he starts like pulling the bread apart to reveal that there's a solid there, but they've baked the saw into the bread so good that they can't, like no matter how much he tears away, you still can't tell what it is to the point where eventually Aegean Emma has to say, it's a hand saw.

It's a saw. It's a saw. It's a saw. Just for like 45 seconds, he's pulling little crumbs out of the hand. And here's my question. I really like the version of events where the dad didn't check and he ate a fucking thing. Like that was the daughter's foot. And like if the daughter's foot was to murder her dad by making him eat a saw, I got this,

that's pretty fucking metal. Yes. I'm in. Yeah, I got with the fucking non kosher hot dogs sticking out of the back of his head from the beginning feels lucky at this point. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay.

So now we're going to cut to Agent M. is surreptitiously trailing behind Dr. Lothav. You know, trying to like get the skinny and whether or not he took the push up. Okay. I have a very deep and important question about this scene. For the beginning of this scene, while Emma's is trailing Dr. Lottov, they have CGI'd a microphone onto his ear. Well, so I think there really was one, and they CGI'd it to the end when it has to retract, yeah.

Okay, I thought that it was CGI at the beginning and then we get a live action one and then they CGI it again when it needs to retract. I miss so much of this scene and had to rewatch it because I was just like, why would they spend the budget to CGI a microphone on his face? So the part of this that really stuck with me, of course, was the website that was supposed to. Right? At one point, he walks by the store where it's got like Judaism.com on the front of it. And it's just the whole goddamn movie comes to a stop while he looks up there. And he goes, wow, that's apropos for both me and the audience, huh? Judaism. If we're all your Judaism supplies, I guess this would be website.

To go to anyway. By the way, if you haven't been to Judaism.com, it now forwards to jujayaka.com. And it's weird, Jewish alternate universe at sea. It's pretty fantastic. All right. Because Jewish culture only has three things. Those weird chocolate coins, candles

and, uh, and like a fucking dreidel once a year. So it's just like, all right, we got 17 different flavors of dreidel. Click here if you want to buy all of them. So yeah, but so agent Emma is, is, is talking to his boss on his radio as he's, he's trailing low tough. But then low to any, he's like, don't, you know, don't get too close, Agent M is, Dr. Low-tough is bound to murder you in an alley or something. This is such a weird scene. Yeah. He disappears and then low to grabs him and then all of the actors simultaneously at this moment in the scene realize, what, I can't actually fuck up the kid, right? Can I, can I fuck up the kid? There's so much that happens in the buildup to that scene, though,

right? Because there's the, first of all, there's the moment where Clarence doesn't bring a gun, where Loto is like, did you bring the gun? And literally Clarence is like, I forgot! And he's like, how will we intimidate the kid? And Clarence goes, should I draw him a picture? And everybody's like, no, fuck you Clarence, you can't draw.

And I just want to say, it is not a good idea to reject anti-Semites artistic pursuits. All right, we should have learned or fucked up. And they do not, they do not take it well. It's true. All right, tell them their fucking landscape is pretty. Let him in a fucking school. Yeah, right.

We want to deal with this again. Jesus Christ. And then, and then like, MS comes up on them and Loto goes, if it isn't my four foot friends and MS goes that five feet to you, Loto, as if he's different heights based on how familiar he is. I thought that was a ditch. It's the weirdest, it's the weirdest fucking comeback. That's Mr. Five feet to you. I also love that there's this moment where the two grown adults are just like, well, if we don't have a gun, what can we possibly do to this 11 year old, right?

That would, that would be negative. Also, by the way, this, this scene is filmed in the near pitch fucking black, right? Yeah. Yeah. This movie has a lot of Nolan inspirations. I know. That's a lot of, uh, yeah. But they were drawing from artists.

Right. No, right, right. Because I couldn't tell what anybody was saying. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah. So low top is like, fuck, I don't need weapons. I'm going to hug you, but in a combat way, I guess the only way, the only way to describe this hug is like a touchy coach hug. You know what I mean? Like, it's so hard to describe what the fuck happens in the next eight seconds. It's like if you're starring in a children's show put on by your local temple and then you're asked to wrestle a child.

It's that. That's what it is. Yeah, so it is. And then he can't do anything to him from there. So he starts moving him. Like if you were struggling to move a piece of furniture that you also wanted to fuck. He's very beautiful.

Like he, he waddles him by the shoulders. I'm glad that you're keeping your analogies familiar for the audience. That's nice of you there, Moishi. So yeah, but, but then agenemesis like, uh-huh, but I did bring a weapon, taser to the nuts. Taser nuts. All Jewish kids get a taser pen. You get it at your Burmets, but I did bring a weapon, taser to the nuts, right? Taser nuts. All Jewish kids get a taser pen. You get it at your Burmetsvets. Great.

Awesome. Oh, good call. So, yeah, so he tasers this nuts and runs off. And at this point though, he's convinced that low tough didn't do it on a count of Dr. Lotha applying that he didn't do it. And Emma's has to strongly consider that maybe it actually was his dad. So he sets up investigating that theory. Yeah.

Right. So he has to go check on like. So apparently the reason they thought it was his dad is because his dad's tire tracks were found at the scene of the crime. Yeah. And he calls back to base and he's like, don't you realize every car leaves car fingerprints in his boss is like tire prints? And he's like, oh, I thought they were called car fingerprints. Go. Yeah. No, no, he just starts poking them with a pen. Yeah. Well, so he takes the dirt that the tracks were made in. And he's like, I'll send you a dirt

sample. I'm like, what are you? They're gonna come back and say it's dirt. I mean, I don't know. That would be helpful. But how many Jewish cars have been in this dirt? But just then a suspicious guy with a shopping cart happens by, and when I say suspicious, I just mean a guy with a shopping cart happens by, right? Yeah, then he runs away. when a shopping cart happens by, right? Yeah, then he runs away. And like, he's running away without abandoning the cart. That is a losing proposition, but somehow Agent Emma still manages to not catch him. Yeah.

Well, there was a don't walk sign. Oh, that was a minute. I can't. All kind of that would have been exactly the time to pull the trigger on that, right? There you go. You know, I could have been riding his cart down the road like you do in the grocery store until your wife tells you to stop.

All right. So agent Emma is going back home like in his agent Emma's gear this time, right? To drill the suspects wife, i.e. his mom. I was so disappointed that he didn't have a Batman voice. I just love the little back and forth they have about the Jew food. She's like, here is a bowl of very dry off brand pretzels. Would you like some jujus with that? This was my flashback to my temple day. It's just the weird off brand purple drink that never was carbonated in the first place. So yeah, I just I love the idea that like this is like her kids standing there in a mustache

and sunglasses so she doesn't figure it out, but little sister is quite suspicious. So he's he questions his mom and he's like so was your husband acting like he was in a push Castile and mood or she said, well, he did have a lot of motivation. Yeah. A lot of motive to do it. Again, things I wouldn't reveal in my movie that a lot of Orthodox Jews are instaggering amounts of debt because instead of making a living, they live off social security and fucking study Torah all day in their house, which they pretend is a religious organization. Yes. Yeah, I wrote they should have changed the episode's name

to Agent MS versus the archaic notion that the best way to reduce income and quality is to rely on the corrupt and highly unreliable tradition of religious donations instead of just creating a stronger government social safety net, like every other first world country on the fucking planet. That would be nice. It's been two wordy.

Yeah, right. No, they probably couldn't get that after that. Secret would be nice. It's been too wordy. So, yeah, right. No, they probably couldn't get that into that secret age and am is versus the arcade notion of it. Yeah. Doesn't. At this point, I'm also pretty sure like the dad did it. Yeah.

Like by this point in the movie, I'm like, we killed the Rosenbergs with way less evidence. That was fun with that. So. Well, yeah, and the mom, I love it. This way she goes, and you know, like, yeah, he lost his job, he was getting fewer hours, we were running out of money, and then those letters started coming, those letters are bills, right? She brings out those, her bill was, right.

And the reason why she refers to them as those letters is because mom, begin orthodox Jewish woman, probably can't fucking read. Yeah. Oh, God. Uh oh, and we should also point out by the way that mom is pregnant and Agent Emma's already has two younger siblings. So she's working on four here. Yeah, she's going for her baker's dozen.

Yeah. Well, eventually, yeah. I just I wonder if like in every single episode, he'll have one more sibling and mom will still be pregnant. Still be pregnant. Episode 14 mom died in childbirth. Oh, yeah. All right. So then Emma's, he goes to interview the rabbi at the temple

where the push go at missing, which is my favorite scene in the fucking movie, right? First of all, it opens up with agent Emma's going like, did you notice anything unusual about that night? And to a person like myself who was not raised in the Jewish tradition, that place exactly like the joke in men and black usual about that night and to a person like myself who was not raised in the Jewish tradition that plays exactly like the joke in men in black after Will Smith has to deliver the alien baby.

What was it unusual about that fucking night? No, just the usual. We locked up our giant box of money, which is 18 years old and filled with charity. A man went up, bragged about what kind of car he has, then he drove me home because even though I'm the leader of my community, I can't operate a motor vehicle. So yeah, pretty typical. Pretty typical. Yes, yeah, he's like, well, let's see what happened that night.

Let me describe the opening scene of this episode and gruesome detail for you, huh? Huh? But we are gonna get a hint here. He says, I remember we stopped for something to eat and Mr. Bernstein, that's the guy who bragged about his car at the beginning, looked in his wallet for a 20, but he only had a 10.

Don't you hate it? Don't you hate to see it happen, right? And then Agent M.isco is, all right, one more question though. You know, he gives him the fucking Colombo thing. And he's like, did you steal the push? I might. And he's like, no, he's like, right, right, right. Yeah, sure.

You didn't steal. I'm sorry. I shut myself. Yeah, the rabbi is like, hey man, you know, why don't you just fuck right off? Yeah, it was weird for me to, now I feel like I wrecked the whole conversation by ending it by accusing you of stealing the money. Yeah, that's weird. That's weird. And so then he goes back to headquarters and the boss is furious at him. He's like,

how dare you don't you know religious leaders are above reproach. And I just obviously written by Rabbi Sohan's, oh, of the such and such. Yeah. Yeah. And the lieutenant is like, keep calling him the lieutenant in my notes. But the lieutenant is so mad that he makes MS retire. He's like turning your mustache and hat. Yeah, he's gonna give me your badge and your gun. It's weird that he let him keep the gun. I assume it's a union thing, but he makes him give up the fact that he had to pay for that himself probably.

Right, out of pocket. But my only note here is like probably. Right. Out of pocket. But my only note here is like, this lieutenant is full of shit. All right. How many years do you think it's been since he's been in the field? All right. Seen the things that Agent MSF made the hard fuck cause. And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but you know what? Now he's going to try to put him on a leash. Fuck, you don't bring in a gangster like Agent MS unless you're ready to stack fucking bar. That's all I the same about this. My favorite bit on this is the one that they have the sad secret agent M S music playing in the bag. I was like, secret agent. But I will say they break the same type here because he turns in his badge and he's

like, well, fine, if you're going to quit, then yes, you can accuse religious leaders of stuff and you can shock people in their mots of balls. Whatever you say, Angel, just, you know, yeah, yeah. No, he's like, all right. So I'll, all right. Well, I can't afford to lose you. So even if you're going to go rogue now and again, that's fine. I'll give you a 48 hours. He does so well. You're dad's name. He ends this moment by saying, you're the only agent who can fit through small openings. And I just wrote my notes. Again, definitely a fuck stuff reference.

Yeah. 100% of a reference. And just just as a real quick reminder of how bad the filmmaking is here, when he's like, he's like, you know, you're too close. I'm taking you off this case. Agent M is takes off his hat and his sunglasses and his agent M is coating his mustache. He's like, you know, you're too close. I'm taking you off this case. Agent M is takes off his hat and his sunglasses and his, Agent M is coating his mustache. He's like, that's fine.

And then I quit. And the guy's like, oh, man, okay. Well, then don't, don't quit. You can stay on the case. And then we watch him put all that shit back on. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So.

But upside, but the mustache is upside down because that's hilarious. Yeah. Well, that was made it worth while. All right, well, tell you what, Agent Emma's needs a minute to spear a little more glue on that felt mustache. So we're gonna take a quick break.

But first, let me give you a act to be the hard sell. Will the next episode be about Agent Emma's controlling the media or starting all the wars? Did Eli and Moise, she filmed this series themselves just to fuck with me? Given the budget on these things, how surprised would any of us really be? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the Homsian conclusion of Agent Emis and the case of the Missing Pushka.

Agent Emis, you've gone too far, you're off the case. What are you talking about? I'm trying to find the missing buschka. But you've gone too far, Emis. You accused the rabbi. He was at the scene of the crime. And what about Dr. Lothov? I hear you hooked his matzabals up to a car battery. Damn it, Lieutenant. I needed the truth.

But you told the snipers to shoot menics and children. Yeah, we're Jews. That's not really a deal breaker for us. You have a point. Here, you can have your head back. And we're back when we last left off. Emma said been given 48 hours to find the real culprit. And we're going to rejoin the action with him, pissing away a significant amount of that time in Yashiva.

And I love it. When he's not in his agent, Emma's outfit, there are three young Jewish children in this scene and they look fucking identical. I could not differentiate them with a gun to my head. I'm not allowed to say that, but you are. Yeah. So one of the kids is going to get in trouble for losing his pen. And that, of course, is only there so that bully kid has an end to go. Well, why don't you ask agent emissive secret identities dad wear it when he's a thieving bastard. Right. Yeah. Oh, and then bully dad is just like, you know, and also incidentally, my

dad has been trying to get in touch with agent emiss to give him a clue. Well, I have you guys all here. I don't know why I'm giving you this information. Also, here's my dad's cell phone number, just to give you some C agent MS. Yeah, aren't you the guy that takes pictures of him for the bugle? Yeah.

Oh, okay, so, and boy, my love is that they, okay, so they use these heavy handed techniques to set up this next scene where he's talking to rich kids dad or to bully kids, rich beamer dad. And instead of just going straight to that, we have this weird, silly, useless, him detecting montage, right? We have like 30 seconds of him like talking to people who are nodding and writing shit down in his notebook. Yeah, it's, you can literally hear the stock like audio from Law and Order in your head

if you watch like the way their time. Yeah, that girl. I've seen her. She'd come in here sometime. Yeah, it's broad though. Did something happen to her? What I love is that they interview a bunch of different Jewish women, but because they're Orthodox Jewish women, they're dressed identically.

So my notes are all like, why is he talking to the same woman? Oh, yeah, my notes were, why is he talking to his mom again? All right. So now we cut to him talking to the BMW dad and they shot this in the fanciest Jew house they could find and I forgot how tacky rich Jew houses are. Oh, yeah, it's just like solid gold torus on the wall and landscapes of mots of balls marching across the plains. If you're wondering, yes, this shot is exactly what Moishie's house looks

like. I have been there. This could have been shot in Moishie's home. Absolutely. Absolutely. I have, I have the nicest furniture covered in the most expensive plastic. All it was missing is a bedroom that a cat lives in that boy. She's not. All right. So yeah. So then before we can get to the interview between Agent Emerson and the dad, he has to kick his bully kid out, right?

He's like, yeah, you go do some homework or something. I'm talking to cool Agent Emous, not you. You're schmuck. Yeah. And he's vicious to him. Yeah. He's fucking vicious to, we find out that like, the bullies like bullying tendencies are actually just the product of emotional transference

that like his deep desire to exert control over those he sees as weak in the same ways as father dominates and humiliates him. Right, constantly demeaning his achievements, eroding his confidence and his intelligence, rejecting his pleas for love and validation all meanwhile, the bullies desperate pleas from help for his teachers, his classmates, anyone are just dismissed as a ego driven tantrum of spoil, Brad leaving young Abby once again alone. And my other note here is Abby looks like someone managed to breed a blowfish with an

accountant, but they were somehow brother and sister. Now they're now. You feeling okay? They're we got it. We got it. You know, right now, it's having a moment. I'm a mom. I know how you're good. You're the cat. The cat needs the bedroom.

The cat needs the bedroom. It's fine. I'm gonna get a hotel. He lies telling a true fucking. This is the fucking world I live in. So untarably off the rails. All right. So the, so off the rails. All right. So the, so now the other thing that we have to establish before we get down to the

nitty gritty of the interview, right, of the interrogation is that dad is incredibly cheap and stingy and shit, right? Like before the sun leaves, he's like, Hey, where's the change for that five that I loaned you earlier loaned. He wants a loaned him the five, but wants to change back from it. And so the kid gives him the money. He's like, I seem to be about 10 cents short here. And I'm like, really, movie, you're just going to lean all the way in, huh? Okay. And I want to be clear, it's not bizarre that a character in a children's show would be this penny pinching. What's bizarre

is, listen, this movie will never acknowledge that as a bad thing and he will never change. Nope, right. It's just like, yeah, you dad, am I right? Yeah, you did. Well, yeah, so once we established all of that, he actually starts,

Aegean Emma starts interviewing him. And we learned that Mr. Brownstein doesn't think that Aegean Emma's dad is the criminal. He thinks it's the homeless guy. He saw wandering around near the synagogue because he's a homeless guy and they do crimes. For our listeners, we should explain what we mean when we say homeless guy because you're probably picturing a homeless guy. But these are Orthodox homeless people. And you'd think that doesn't exist, but I live in a very Jewish neighborhood of New

York City. I'm a hipster that moved in, but I blend in. It's camouflage. And they have those. Like I'll walk out of the street and I'll see orthodox homeless people in full orthodox guard just dirty or be like, you know, like Sparernickle kind of a fucking thing. I don't I don't have a great even joke for this, but it's just like seeing an orthodox Jewish guy is like it's like seeing some a Jewish school do a play in which there are homeless

characters, but the kids playing the roles can't take off their Jewish. Right. Yeah. in which there are homeless characters but the kids playing the roles can't take off their Jewish right? Yes, it's like you're watching a Jewish play about a homeless guy, but they do exist. Well, that's like it's weird to see a homeless guy in a fucking shoot. Right, that's what it is. That's what it is. Yes, I'm confused that they're able to keep up all the Jewish stuff, but they can't just get a fucking job. Like they seem like equally hard tasks. So I don't know what the job one seems easier to me,

but yeah, right, well, I don't know when you, I'm no expert on homelessness, but I feel like a white button down shirt is the last thing you wanna wear when you're homeless. Do you think they use the wrapper to fill in, to shoot up? Do you think that that functions as a bell? Oh, yeah. Like, is that too dark?

Can you picture that right? Absolutely. Maybe that's how they got started. I've always said to fill in a gateway truck. You already always say, oh, you can keep your stash in the little box. Oh, there you go. Perfect. Yeah.

Yeah. No, you can't look in here. It's religious. Now I know what to do with the to fill in my mother trying to give me. Keep my weed in there. And so, okay, we get done with the interrogation with a bully kids dad and we get another little detecting montage because they still had some of that scenery left over. And then we finally get around to him questioning in their words, the vagrant. And he's like, hey, you have a shopping cart. Did you steal it? That's his opening. He's like, yeah, he's like, no, he's like,

I always sleep behind the synagogue because when I do, I wake up and somebody's left me breakfast. I wonder who it could be. It should incase anybody's tire tracks were there in need of it. Anyway, it's just incase any. All right. So we go back to his like detecting montage and the only reason I bring this up is we get a shot of agent Emis's notes and they are terrifying in their lack of ability to write the English language. It is upsetting. But that is dad comes home. Yeah. Well, because Mr. Bronstine has posted bail for his dad because he doesn't think he did it. Yeah. That's cheap, Mr. BMW. He's lucky. His bail was less than one fifth of that guy's salary or he thought. So. And by the way, so apparently when you make bail in this universe, they drive you home, the cops drive you home, two cops, in fact, and they introduce these two cops, they introduce, they go way out of the way to introduce the fact that one of the cops is obsessed with

numbers and numerical totals and stuff. There is no reason for this at all. No, right? numerical totals and stuff. There is no reason for this at all. No. Right. We just we spend a minute and a half with him going like, no, it's not 150,000. It's 175,000. I am obsessed with numbers. And it's partnering going, that is correct. He is obsessed with numbers. That is a singular characteristic. I had to describe him in one way and only one way. It would be obsessed with numbers. Anyway, moving on. Yep. And by the way way, that will just inspire agent Emma's to go, mm, end of the movie.

Well, right, wait, wait, numbers. Hold on a second. Yeah. Apparently, I didn't think about the numbers. Well, okay. So yeah, so it's time for him to do his big reveal. And this movie is so fucking sloppy that we frantically cut to bully kid now talking on the phone. He's like, hey, I hear Agent Emma is going to explain who he thinks really took the push cut. And I want to be there to see him say that it was this kid I bullies dad, right? Yeah.

And that's how they introduced that that's what's going to happen in the next scene. You know, in case we didn't figure out what was going on when Agent M is stood in front of the five suspects and said, I figured out who did it. Right. So yeah, so we go through, he like eliminates each of the potential suspects. He's like, it couldn't be the rabbi because he's too religious to do a crime, right? And he like nods to the rabbi and the rabbi nods back. He's like, that's right.

That's right. Too religious. When he does the homeless guy thing, he's like, maybe it was the homeless guy. He's homeless. But no. Well, and that's his thing. He's like, but there's no other reason to believe.

He did it other than his big currency. But no, this is going to be the payoff for this movie. The rich BMW bully guy's dad stole the pushka because he didn't mean to put $20 in. He meant to put 10. He stole the giant charity box so he could make change this movie is not the proper. They abandoned the low toad premise so fucking fast literally the mystery ends up being it was a greedy fucking jute all. Yeah. Well, and then they explain of course that it turns out the reason that dad's tire tracks were there at the scene of the crevice because he's the one that goes and gives breakfast

to the homeless guy secretly every day. And why didn't he just tell the cops this? Because it's more charitable when you lie to the police and take the fall for a crime that has nothing to do with your charity. According to the Talmud apparently, I have no fucking clue. I did, you know, but, but apparently it's because giving charity anonymously is the best way to do it. Even if it means that you lose your freedom and your family loses their sorts of income. Yeah. Yeah. The Torah is weird. Really's really, you don't say. But don't you fucking donate more than 22%.

So, yeah. So, then bullie kid comes around and he's like, ah, dad, I heard what happened and I forgive you. Here's that dime I owed you. End of character arc. End of character. The moral of the story kids is always forgive your abusive parents.

And don't forget to bring them that fucking money. I'm gonna hold them because he does not say, oh no son, keep the dime. I've learned to be better or I'm not gonna be that he's just like, thank you. The fucking end of these two characters. Yeah, that's the last we're going to see of them. Yeah,

this dad might as well have pinned this kid over the edge of a fucking skyscraper and been like, where's my fucking envelope? Yeah. And then okay, so ancient Emma's goes to leave his work here is done. And the rabbi stops him and he's like,

Hey, here's a giant stack of cash. We keep waving these around in this goddamn. Oh, but yeah, so apparently there was a reward that Mr. Bronstein had offered for whoever could figure out who stole the push guy and since technically agent, I must figure it out. He gets the $25,000 or actually they split it between him and the homeless guy. Right. Well, he says fair. He says, I'm going to give it to the homeless guy and then he goes, wait a second, I've got a better idea than giving it to the homeless guy. Right.

And he doesn't tell the rabbi what it is. So he just grabs a big stack of the cash and says, here, give this much to the homeless guy. This movie comes so close to making a good point. You could feel it. Wiz buy on your fucking nuts. You could feel a wind. Can't let tickle you. It's so close. Oh, what I loved is when Agent Emma's took the like just random amount off the top of it. He revealed that there is actually like, it's a $10 bill with a bunch of one set behind it. You can see that was just a second.

And I was I was quite fine with that. Okay. Love that little moment. All right. So meanwhile, back at the hospital, they're about to kick Dr. Lotto's mom to the curb because she didn't pay her fucking bills. So fuck that old lady. You know, like hospitals do. Right. Jesus Christ. But they go in and the mom's like, Hey, look, somebody paid my entire hospital bill. Hey, but again, he's Dr. Lotto and he hates it when when Mitzvahs happened. So he's like,

he's an Mess. And his mom's like, wait, you wanted him not to pay my hospital bill. And he's like, my character is conflicting in this episode. He gives an explanation though. He goes because each Mitzvah brings the Mosheia closer to coming back from the Messiah, which one weird that he believes that again, just throwing it out there. He's obviously a Jew. I don't know how else we can say this.

He's so clearly a fucking Jew. But more importantly, I didn't realize that was, is that how it works? Do we have to do Eli's? That is like, I didn't realize it was like a status bar in a video game. Like we got to tap that so much. Yep. to do Eli's that like I didn't realize it was like a status bar in a video game like we fill up our mitzvah bar. Do we activate our specials? Is that how?

Absolutely. I don't remember. Orthodox Judaism is a get Zeno's runner here cult. Yeah. So he's very upset that this mom got medical care. My favorite moment though in in the entire guide, the M show comes immediately after that, right? So he looks at the bill and he's like,

wait a minute, there's a signature on this. It says, from your four foot friend, you know, boi-ha-ha, fuck you and your mom, you guys can all go to hell. And I point that out because the whole episode, the point, the dad and the breakfast and the mystery, the whole fucking point was that anonymous charity is the best fucking charity. And then this asshole signs his fucking name to it when he pays back. I can't help it.

I can bill. Yeah. And then and then and then Loto curses his name because as we come to learn Lve loves his mother, but he hates MS so much fucking more All right, so meanwhile, so the families all sit around playing game except the dad is like I don't know summoning something with the book. I don't know the fuck he's doing over there But the rest of them seem to be playing some kind of word game with tiles. So I'd rather focus on that. Yeah. And this is where little sisters like, oh man, I wish I could be a hero like ancient emis. And we have this weird post movie shot where she's bringing the guard some not dick shaped Hollis. Yeah. So the point is

is that like, yeah, but you can do every day heroic things just because they're not fun to look at. I mean, you're a girl. So like, there's limits, but you can do some of it. Yeah, there's all sorts of heroes, guys. There's crime fighters, firefighters, women who breed. You can definitely be one of those three. Yes, yeah, there's one of those things you can be.

So can we, can we just talk about the fucking actor that plays Agent MS? He really sells that he's this like broken down vigilante by the end of the movie. He's got this look in his eyes like he's just like, I can't keep doing this for this city. So yeah, but after they give her the, there's a lot of ways to be a hero speech she brings a normally penis shaped loaf of bread to that guard because apparently that's heroic

too. Like, yo, she gives it to a pretty fucking heroically. Yeah, but it couldn't be more than a total of like a fifth of their total bread because otherwise they're going straight to fucking fools. Yeah, right. Right. You don't want to be a you know, I'll be a bitch I don't know if you guys know it, but that's in the Torah Fight line between being a hero and being a bitch Is the moral of this story It really is all right, so and then we get the Julius credits of all time

All right, well, and that's it. So okay, boy, she that's I think four of these that we've asked you to sit through at this point I don't know. Oh, yeah, man. I am an Asian MS expert. I want to see the John Wick version where he just double taps his weight. There's a whole fucking film. I, I am obsessed with the idea that Tovmet Ud is actually just like an incubator for the real massage. Oh, each, each progressive episode, MS like gets slightly more violent and dark or a year. Right. Until he's ready to go to Europe and like some guy in his family for funding a terrorist. That's right. Right. Right. His finally has his. Are you ready to commit to this program moment?

Oh, right. The final episode of Agent MS. He's like, it is 20s and a guy drops his groceries and the orange rolls out towards his foot and he bends down and gets it and hands it to him. They bring him into a room. They've just got clearance with a hood over his head and they had like single gun. What did he do? Doesn't matter what he did. How'd you like to meet gold in my ear? All right. Well, Moise, you think so much for hanging out with us today. Are we going to admit on this episode that you're actually the kid that played Agent M. Is where we saving that for we're saving that for a later episode.

Okay. So thanks again, man. I'd love to have you. And again, hopefully we'll eventually find, we'll see Agent Emma. I'm actually killing mother fucker. Sounds fucking wonderful. Thank you guys for having me. Oh, you bet, man.

All right. So that's going to do it for our review of Agent Emma's in the case of the mission push go, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to convince ourselves to do this again. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, I'm glad that Moishi mentioned John Wick because this year in the middle of his divorce someone let David A.R. White go see that movie and so he made a Christian version all his own. It's called Beckman and we're doing it next week. Beckman's out already.

Oh, I'm so fucking excited. Yes. I've been looking forward to this for quite a minute. All right. So usually I say this ironically, but this time I mean it. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 274 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the paid to help. Okay, so let's go. Yes.

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That adorable, innocent little girl grew up aggressively undereducated to reinforce her dependence on a misogynistic cult. Everyone in this movie got and spread COVID. Yep. Ha ha! I'm recording now too. Jesus fucking Christ. Right. He won the line. Now we're going to do the five count, Jason, which you will join us for both the numbers for and five. You can go on from there.

That's fine. I have no issues with that. All right. Here we go. One, two, three, two three four four five. I will kill you. I will do where you stand So one more time one more time one more time. I'm ready. I was so I was trying to think of a joke. Sorry, can I lost count? No, she's a spursion. You lost count of five? You got to four.

I'm going to five plus count. I got go, go, go. I got this. One, two, three, four, five. Five. All right. Fucking nailed it. So, Eli, what was the punch line to that joke?

No, it's too late now. I'll work it out on this. I get a second take, so I'm gonna work it in then. All right. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved. But proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all rights reserved.