God Awful Movies - 275: Beckman

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

This week, Luke Barnett joins us to review Beckman, the story of David AR White being pretty darn sure he's still young enough to do martial arts scenes. --- Check out Luke's film Faith Based anywhere that has movies. Here, for example: https://www.amazon.com/Faith-Based-Luke-Barnett/dp/B08KH2Q3ZP --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I guarantee there was moments in pre-production where David A.R. White got the script and was like, listen guys, if we're going to get any of the bald ones except for maybe Daniel, we need to beef up these bald ones. Yes, right, right. And they were like, you know, because like Steven or Billy, they're going to read this and they're not going to think it's enough guys. It's such an absolute trite bullshit. And we're gonna end up with fucking Daniel Alasco again, we don't want that.

God awful movie! Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be Ethan, right? He's welcome back. Thanks, Noah. You know who lost half his money and half his stuff? Who's that? Who's that? Who did David? Oh, oh, right. Also, I love this movie. And you know, who got half of his stuff, and Trio Logan white,

go, and you're looking. Why wasn't she in this? Doesn't she lost her stuff? So weird. So weird. All right. And of course, sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend, Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon? I mean, I feel like why wasn't she in this? Doesn't she lost her stuff? So weird. So weird. All right. And of course, sitting 900 miles to my northeast

is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Still married Noah. Still married happily so, huh? That's right. Eli wasn't in this movie. Weird. Unreal.

All right. And we're also very excited to welcome our guest massacres today. Luke Barnett is a writer and actor who first caught the world's eye on Funny or Die. He's the writer and star of a new film called Faith Based Co-starring Jason Alexander Margaret Show and Lance Reddick, which is currently sitting at 94% on Rotten Tomatoes. Congratulations on that and looks fucking hilarious, especially to a guy who watches Christian movies for a living. So Luke, welcome to Guy Laugh for Movies.

Hey guys, I could not be more excited to be here and I also could not be more excited to be watching a David A.R. White movie because in our movie, we have a company called Christ Flix, so the idea of the one I got chosen for today being pure Flix just could not be more perfect. All right, so before we dive into all our normal stuff here, tell me what inspired you to make faith based?

You know, it was a few different things. I grew up very much in the world of all of this stuff. I had a lot of friends that played in Christian bands growing up or more so non-Christian bands that later became Christian bands and were suddenly successful. And then we had done my first movie after Funny Your Die stuff was a horror comedy called Fear Inc. and it premiered at Tribeca and it was a lot of fun. And we kind of thought, oh man, we're all of a sudden going to be, you know, making the

next Avengers or we're going to get scooped up from the independent world and whatnot. And instead, it was more like two or three years of pitching that never really went into making the next Avengers or we're gonna get scooped up from the independent world and whatnot. And instead, it was more like two or three years of pitching that never really went into production. And I think it was at that time, God's not dead three came out. And we had a gen, I looked at my partner and I said, we should just make a really bad Christian movie that then will make $30 million dollars and we can use that

for all the other shit to make our own movies. Hey, dude, I get that pitch every week from these guys, so I know you're not joking. Yeah, and so all of a sudden that joke kind of turned into like, do we turn this into a TV show, which led to like maybe we'll turn it into a movie and all of a sudden like, I don't know, five months later, we were filming the movie Faith Based, which for those of you who haven't heard of it or seen it, it's basically about two guys

who come to this realization that bad Christian movies like Beckman from Pureflix make a lot of money and so they set out to make a prayer in space, which is the story of the first prayer ever to be prayed in space. Amazing. And it's kind of like these guys aren't Christians. They don't have to make movies. And so it's this fish out of water. Are these guys going to be able to make this bad Christian movie or not? Awesome. Awesome. Guys, the firmament's blocking my prayer. I don't know what's

happening. I'm going back or something. All right. So super looking forward to that one. And of course, that one you can already find on Amazon. We're going to have it linked in the show notes, strongly recommended, but we've got another movie we have to talk about yet. So he's tell us what we want. Backman. We have been looking forward to this. We're so goddamn. We have Beckman is the title of the movie. It's an exciting action flick called Beckman. Yep. Wow. And it's the story of David A.R. White doing karate. No, I know. I know. I know what you think's happened, but that's all I care about. No, they didn't cry so hard. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved sneaking out of your house to watch John Wick when your mom fell asleep,

but all you remember about it was man's name, gravely voice. You will love it. It's the goofle.com of action movie. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for me the best of me in the worst at?

I would. I would. I have a visual aid to go over there. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. So best worst flip ahead. Oh, yes. And what I mean by that is so when when I turn on one of these movies, it's my job every

fucking week to watch a terrible movie. So I turn it on and then I flip ahead or I put my cursor over like near the end to see just how many minutes of credits there are to like in my head be like, all right, I subtract four from that. I perform it off. I perform the credits. So I did that for this movie.

The picture I landed on is in front of you guys in the notes. It's Strung Baldwin, one of the bald ones. And he's got about a thousand beads on and a poncho of some sort and face paint that's like blocking his eyes like a blindfold of face paint. Yeah, I like that there's no design to it. It's just like a perfect strip of red across his eyes. Yep. Yep. I don't know. So, okay, I watched this movie and I was like,

all right, well somehow they're gonna get me to this Baldwin with this red stripe on his face. That's, they're gonna like, they do not. Nope. I have no idea how they got there. I watched the whole movie. My favorite is that when I looked at these notes they got there. I watched the whole movie. My favorite is that when I looked at these notes, briefly I hadn't watched the movie yet.

And so when I was looking at this, I had a solid 20 seconds of trying to figure out which bald when it was. Right, which one is it? It's William Billy Baldwin. Yeah, Billy Baldwin. Billy Baldwin, okay. It's the bottom bald one.

So here's the, to give a better visual to the audience here, this is what when I saw this picture and you said flip ahead, what I thought of, remember when you were a kid and they would have those books where it's just a face and it's cut in thirds and you can flip the top and the bottom and give it like the wrong mouth and the wrong nose and like the lady eyes, but the mustache or whatever. that's what it looks like they've done to his face. And I thought those were called flip heads or something and that's what you were referring

to. So all the flips were just different bald ones. Yeah. All right, so Luke, do you have any best worst? My my best worst was best worst high contrast lighting. And what I mean by this is if you've seen any of the John Wick movies or take stranger things, for example, they do a very cool neon pinks and blues and really high contrast lighting to give it this sort of a cinematic feel to it.

And this was as if David AR White saw the John Wick movies, wanted that, and he had like, you know, the budget of one day of John Wick craft services. And so like, he had like the, the gaffer bring out like one pink light to just like put in an area of green. And so there's like these multiple fight scenes you see where like you're basically like all if they had john wick this this would be a great idea but instead there's just like one pink light and like the bottom right corner that makes no fucking sense whatsoever for the scene so best worst high contrast lighting for me. Half of that light is actually Andrea Logan's,

so he had time. Oh, that's actually the first time. He stolen his daughter's unicorn night light and he's just put it in the corner of the scene. No, no, no, it's like, I'm Beckman. All right, so okay, yeah, that's actually where I'm going with mine, okay, so I went with the easy one. I went with best worst Batman voice

because, and yes, I'm counting Christian bail when I say this one So David A. R. White decided to give his character the gravely Batman He's shouting voice, but selectively he forgets to do it over and over again And then just to slip into it mid conversation and shit. It's amazing. Oh Perfect. He'd hear Baldwin just like at craft services and be like, oh, right, gravely voice. And see, I was going to go with best worst movie timeline. And that's saying a lot on our show too. I got a lot of notes about this.

What's amazing and Luke already put it so well is that he very obviously saw John Wick, which uses time jumping well, but he was he got confused and lie one point. He doesn't know what time he's in the movie. He has to walk up to a random extra and be like, wait, how many minutes since I got shot in the front? We got to go back how many years? Five minutes. We got to go back.

Why was I the person? So much of that. Exactly. Why was I the part on so much of that? Yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you what, there are a lot of action sequences on the other side of this break. And David A.R. White is 50. So we're going to give him a minute to stretch out his quads. But when we come back, we'll dive into all the white knuckle action of Beckman.

All right, everyone. Welcome to the first ever writers room meeting for the Christian smash action hit to come Beckman. Alright, and here you go. This is just the script for John Wick. But yeah, with the title crossed out and the word Beckman in Sharpie. Yep. Yes, it is. That's all that is. Yep Lunch lunch great. Yep fantastic. Yeah, can we get tacos? Yeah, I would do tacos. I would talk to tacos Luke thanks so much for using your movie experience to help us shoot the fight scenes for Beckman.

Ah, no problem, David. A.R. White. You ready? Pshh. Am I ready? Do the Philistines have hemorrhoids? I... I don't...

What? Yes, yes. Sorry. I am ready. Okay. And... Action. Take this, Mr. Beckman.

Karate! Karate! Karate! Karate! Sorry. action. Take this Mr. Beckman, karate, karate, karate, karate, sorry, David. Yeah, Luke, what's up? You weren't doing fight choreography just now. You were just yelling karate, karate, karate. What? I was, I didn't do anything to the fight thing. Very much's just yeah, you're yelling oh Okay, sorry, sorry, let's try it again. Can we try again sure all right? Rolling sound speeds and Action Think this mr. Beckman Kata Kata Kata Kata Kata Kata Kata

Seriously what yeah, I was doing David, the issue is not the pronunciation of the word karate. Oh, well, then what is the issue? You have no choreography. I mean, isn't your audience gonna be mad? No, no. At this point, most of our audience will have fallen asleep or they stop watching

because I said heck, like four scenes ago. I see. And how much is this movie gonna make again? Several million dollars. All right, let's get back to it then. Kata. Karate. Exactly.

Kata. Kata. Kata. Kata. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna open up on that familiar David A. R. White feeling of like, wow, it's almost like a real movie. Right.

Right. Right. We open up in Los Angeles where the devil lives. Well, I gotta say, the Universal Studio thing, a Universal Studios logo at the beginning of this movie, genuinely hurt my soul. Right. The company that gave us ET and back to the Future and Jurassic Park are now working with the guy that gave us God's not dead three and fucking Beckman.

And brother white. Oh, I could go. There's quite a list that we could do. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Also, no, not to like correct you on there, but we open up on David airwights. Horses. Yeah. Right. For now, inside his face, skin. I also had a moment that minute he came on screen where my brain just went to, I think that's Beckman. I bet that's Beckman. Yeah.

Yeah, we're getting this cheesy as David A.R. White helicopter gun gun helicopter David A.R. White opening where we see that that we meet the guy Paulie from Rocky. Bert Young is in this movie. What the fuck? See, this is what happens when TBS stops running Rocky at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday, everybody. Bert Young has not stopped doing that. This was up there with Universal for me in terms of it. I had a moment where I was like, that guy looks like they found like a really old version of Polly from Rocky.

And I was like, oh shit, I like, I am defeated. I was like, that's Polly from Rocky. Yeah. It is. And I couldn't understand like anything he said. I had to like, we either get to rewatch and I still couldn't tell you right now what what Paulie sets up here. I have no idea what's going on in this fucking scene. We have him talking that he's clearly just assassinated somebody in the background. And we're cutting between that and a fight suddenly and I have no fucking clue when either of those things are. Yeah, Paulie is definitely mailing in his performance. His first line of the movie, he goes, this is the life you chose and then pauses while he very obviously checks his script and goes, Beckman, name of the movie. No, no second? Yo, it's the movie day. No second takes.

I'll be in my trailer. Don't touch me. And like, I did, I hate to like, just rag on someone's looks because to be honest, like, I'm not Brad Pitt. But David O'Hare White has such an unlikeable face. It is literally like if Owen Wilson was like stuck in 98, like, gained 30 pounds and managed the chiles. Just like you David R. White looks like to me.

He looks like Carl Hungus from Lebowski, but suit super old, doing convention autographs later as an old porn star. If he's going to put himself in every movie, he honestly, this would make his movies better. David R. White should only play the bad guy. Like there's no world where you are like on his side, you know? No. Boy, the entire movie could be summed up as him looking over at another guy going, I don't see why they like Keanu more than me, right?

That's the entire film. And also, like we really should drill down on the old, right? This guy is like six years older than my ass. He's not here trying to do karate. You can basically see him and the other guys going like their lips are going one, two, three, four kick elbow kick block. You know, Jimmy, can we do that? Like half time? They can speed it up with the camera later. You guys can speed this up. Right? Just figure it it out, right? It's made me look badass and post. Yeah.

So this bad fight choreography goes on for so long and they keep like shooting in near each other because it's like, I guess it's a Christian movie. So it can't just be shooting people constantly, but they want a lot of cute pecues in there. Oh, yeah. This fight scene, especially for being the opening pull you in fight scene. Oh, it really looks like something I performed to get my yellow belt when I was 11. I forgot that they were called like katas or forms, but like they literally stole this out of like the Luke Barnett 11 year old yellow belt book. Yeah, there was a very

yellow belt field of all. Yeah. You can imagine them walking through this entire choreography and then being like, all right, let's speed it up a little bit, flow into it. And then they just like never got near full speed. Also like a yellow belt fight with kids, it actually had to keep this. Some at one point, the guy's fighting is like, too hard, seriously too hard, too hard. And they had to keep going because they were in the middle of like, two, three, four. All right, this is the best take we're getting.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not gonna be able to pick it up on three guys. Come on. I have to go all the way back. This was also the first moment in the movie where I realized this was going to be the low budget, high contrast situation, because I think just like, as they're fighting in this mechanic shop or whatever all of a sudden you just notice like one bright pink light in the bottom corner and you're like, what the fuck is that coming

from? But you know David our way, A or white was ecstatic about his John Wick. That's a little, is oh, mosh. And so, okay, I have no idea between this and him talking to Paulie, what's the flashback and what's the future of what, but in one or the other of these, he shoots the guy and has to now escape from other assassins that are coming for him for reasons we never established that I know of. Yeah, sure.

I'm not going to answer that. That was going to be a good answer because all we really know is that David A.R. White didn't want to kill this guy, but then killed this guy. And now he's running. Yeah. And just then he sees a cross. And what I mean by then is anybody's gastrochronology has already fought. Yeah.

Okay. Is this where he pulls out his flip phone? This movie's from 2020, right? And everything in the movie happens like within a couple years of 2020, right? It's such a weird choice. In my mind, they were going for some sort of like breaking bad. This is like the disposable phones.

But you never see him throw any of them away. He never breaks any of them. And everybody has one. Like even the girl that shows up or has a flip phone like what did it why do they all flip phones yeah it's like this movie was moving around through time with just its production yeah it was bizarre David a r white owns a flip phone in real life and that must be it yeah this is a perfectly good phone

we'll have to buy a new one i'm going to another problem i'm grandfathered in with mc i i have a great plan. I'm not getting it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he, everything else about him is straight out of 1998. So he might as well just kept the same phone

that he's had the whole time. My wife walked in for literally two minutes of this movie and asked me if the highlights in his hair were for this role. And I was like, no, that's just David A.R. White. Like he just, you looks like does that. Yeah, from 1998. Yep. The time is just go T from 1998. Yeah, that's just wilted a little bit. But that's one. So all right. So we cut inside this church where a wizard-dulled man talks to God about getting that medicine he needs. Where will he get the money?

that medicine he needs where will he get the money. Oh, yeah, he's trying to decide between medicine and his church. And I was just really wishing he would include an eyebrow trimmer in his option. Well, I had a moment of like looking this guy up to and I realized he played a character named Frank Lapidus on Lost, which if you didn't like, which you didn't watch Lost, I liked Lost a lot. And I had a moment of like men skies on like fifty episodes of lost is he having a moment where he goes to his like shitty trailer on this day of

the air white movie and it's just like what happened like he's looking to everybody else lost and they're all on different shows yeah we watch christian movies all the time so that's just a background thing in our minds right So that's just a background thing in our minds, right? Just hanging out with John Ratson burger. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. And Harry Anderson regional bell Johnson. Yeah. That Carl Winslow. Yeah, yeah, he pops up every now and again, these. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. He was also in die hard. The greatest Christmas movie I've ever made. Exactly. But now, you'll catch him either on like a pureflix movie or like an asylum like disaster movie,

where it's like sci-fi channel, you know, they got him to be in the cockpit of the plane for two days. And now they got Carl Winslow. All right. So yeah, so maybe shows up at this church. He knocks on the door. The priest comes against him. He's like, I'm a reform killer guy who needs help, and I'm stabbed and everything. I'll give you $350,000 to take care of me and not call the cops. Hi, I'm an escape murderer. Can I have your job? Yes.

All right. Wow. That's easy. All right. Great. You have to learn anything? Not really. No.

No. Well, there's a few things you need to learn and I'll talk to you about that now Jesus Christ. Okay, so we get what I can only describe as the Dega Baman Taj but with Jesus instead of the force Right, it's so sad Literally, you'll need to just read this book I wonder if that was Polly from Rocky's idea like i wonder if they had him in there for one day and they were like well how does he learn to become a pastor and they were like oh shit we should insert a rocket for training montage

i will say this was one of my favorite moments of the whole movie i can't i can't even comprehend this montage there There's parts of it where literally David A.R. White is like, I want to be a Christian. And the guy's like, you're not ready to be a Christian. It's just like what? Your whole sales pitch is that you're ready to be a Christian. Yeah. Anybody's ready? Yeah. It's like easy. It's all like a bunch of now try to snatch this salvation from the palm of my hand. My favorite quote from this is he goes, God removes your transgressions farther than the east is from the west. And I wrote my notes. So not it depends.

That's a bad bad. It's hot. If you split things into eastern west, they're just there's a minute. It's right there. That's two things. It's a spectrum. It's right there. That's two things. It's a spectrum. So, yeah. And also, so during this month, there's a great moment too, like where the priest that took him in coughs dyingly, you know, in the background. And then we get David A. R.

White soak and wet, which we were all ready for at this point, I believe. Oh, yeah. It's like a slow motion shot of David air white and an under armor workout shirt Coming out of the water from his baptism. I couldn't get it up at this point with the big baptism smile going Yeah, yeah, he's ready now. I turn that into a remix. It's beautiful And in case you're wondering how we keep track of time here. It's a beautiful. And in case you're wondering how we keep track of time here, it's a giant random wall calendar. This church has in the center of its fucking room. Yeah, it's like in between aisles. It's like just like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, so we can see no, no, these days are passing the days are passing you see So time is real here. Yeah, exactly. Hey later on fire won't be so okay Maybe they had to establish that don't don't don't give away the the big spoiler big spoiler Yeah, right now you're right. I don't have my set of real fire It's incredible. We're getting there. We're getting there. That's just, that's just a foreshadowing. All right. So the calendar finally flips to December because we're going to fucking pull the trigger on that cough dyingly shit before the credits are over, right?

We get the deathbed confession of the priest about all the people he killed in them. No, well, was it, it was creepy. He was like, I, is there an 11 boys in Vietnam that I killed? I killed them. Just to be clear, boys. It's such a strange thing to set up because they, it's like they were trying to, to, throughout the movie, they try to create these parallels of the characters as if they can like relate to each other and be one of the other and it just makes, they don't

like do it enough. So you're just kind of like, you're just showing us that this guy did something bad so that we appreciate that like shitty assass and David A.R. White is now in your role. Like none of this makes sense. Yeah. No, there's no reason for any of this except this guy was like, I get a dramatic death, don't I? I'm only doing it if I get a dramatic death. Okay. You can have a dramatic and like dying dramatic words were like, David A.R. White, promise you'll

never return to that life. You need to say that exact line probably several times. I promise movie that I was coming out. and this is what I realized that the the conceit of this movie is David A.R. White turn into somebody and go and what if I was super badass like I used to be an assassin, right? That's the whole bill. That's the fucking impetus. All right. So now we cut to one year later and I guarantee you there was a moment where they showed

like they had a different calendar that was also in December and they're like, no, nobody's going to get it. They're not going to know. Yeah, we got to throw this up on a full title card. Watching someone change the calendar. We got to spell it the fuck out. They actually had to scratch out 2020 on one of their calendar shots that actually happened. Oh, all right. So, but yeah, so apparently Davie is the preacher now. Yeah. And he wakes up from his gunshot nightmares. But you know, I'm guessing this movie takes place in the South. So who knows how often you wake up to gunshots?

Can't get all freaked out over some random gunshots. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, so we get him doing a sermon, but he's not very good at it. And he does Batman for his soul. And some lady just leaves. Right? It was like us in Edinburgh.

It's the best. My favorite part about the Batman voice is that every person made a note in our document to be like, what's up with the Batman voice? Because it is just like, he's, he's, and he's not a great pastor. And he's like two sentences into this weird sermon and then he's just suddenly like, you don't know. And you're just like, what is happening? Ha ha ha ha ha.

Is he summoning something? In my mind, because we talked about how the Batman voice only comes in sporadically. In my mind, the Batman voice represents Jesus. And so whenever Jesus is really talking through David A.R. White, he does it through his Batman voice. And this was all some very thought through situation. It's like the red letter of version.

Really, I think he was probably just a bad actor. It's one of those two things. I'll tell you that for sure. Absolutely. Yeah, but so in sermon, I guess, it's basically just you sucking God knows it, right? God knows you are. He knows about the little boys and okay, you know what I'm done.

Yeah, that's the woman leaves. The woman leaves the minute he's just like God knows and then he's like, she's out. This is where we get our first shot also of magical Black Lady because it's a Christian movie. And what's amazing is she's supposed to be like concerned about the pastor's preaching, but this actress is very obviously thinking, does he think he's acting? What's happening right now? Right now her expression is, is he doing the Batman voice?

Yeah, she's probably the best actor in this entire movie. And then all of a sudden you can tell that like half of her performance is like, she's probably the best actor in this entire movie. And then all of a sudden, you can tell that half of her performance is like, what's on script and the other half is like really trying to get David our way to do a better job. Yeah. Exactly. So yes, he finishes up his sermon. She goes to check on him. She's like, hey, you know, that was a really bad sermon.

You were doing Batman voice in and out. You're doing this voice. Also, I'm above nothing. I have fucked so many people. What? I don't know if I mentioned it to you. This is absolutely, in my opinion, the weirdest writing of the entire movie is that every time this poor woman makes an appearance, they have written some line of dialogue to let

us know that she had a pretty crazy youth. That's like, yeah. She even says, I have known my share of men, and you're like, who wrote that in there? Like what? Just her walking into the fucking first day of shooting. Hey, I noticed I have four lines, and two of them are about how hard my holes

got to be filled back in the day. I just didn't know was that kind of movie guy. Could we just bring it down to one? Maybe be subtle with the writing. That'd be great. Yeah. But she gives him a little pep talking. Well, she's doing that. There's a knock at the door. Right. This is where we're going to meet a girl. So important. She gets her own little chapter title. We didn't mention that at first, but the movie came up and said chapter one, Beckman. Now we get chapter two. Damn it. Oh, I really wanted it to be another hitman with another 350,000. It's just, you know, when you're next to that warehouse, man, I'll tell you.

She comes walking in and she's basically like looking for her uncle. So she's like and she's drugged. So she's like uncle uncle is that you and he goes quickly into the Batman voice and is like, I'm not Philip. I'm David A.R. White and it's just I'm backman. I'm backman. Yeah, so she's the niece of the priest that died and she's in trouble and needs his help, but he can't call the emergency room. Okay.

This movie, if this movie has a consistent theme and I am not willing to say that it does, yes, we can't call the cops. That would ruin the movie. Yeah, right. The blood would make no sense. Yeah. They've also just got like, they're, again, they're trying to set these parallels and so they've got every character that comes in

is like the same thing. She comes in exactly the way that Beckman came into the priest and we learn from the priest that the priest in Vietnam was just like Beckman. All of these people are the same character. That's how good of writers we are. Yeah. Yeah.

She's does eventually break the mold. She had a Vietnam war story. All right. And then the God damn title card comes up and says another year later. Another year later. Who fuck you? We promised last year later. Yes.

Incredible. But now he can preach the shit out of a fucking sermon, right? Yeah, and he's got a way better suit. Like all of a sudden, for whatever reason, like not is, you know, the congregation is the exact same amount. So Beckman's not making more money. No, it's just now in like a black three piece, which he will appear in for the majority of the movie.

Yes, exactly. Like another character that you might be thinking of, played by Keanu Reeves. Yeah, character he totally stole from David A.R. White. All right. And then so he gets the end of his sermon and he goes, and now a song from our very own adopted daughter. And I'm like, hour like the church adopted her. This is a little ditty.

I like to call sure hope the bad guys don't find me here. All right, and I should explain to you Luke, Eli's wife is a phenomenally talented musician and singer. And so the, of course, this entire time, well tabitha is singing her little song. I was just fantasizing about Anna whipping the shit out of her. I paused this movie, rewound it and was like, there's actually a really good song in here. We do have a parody of them. And she was like, sure, I'll listen to it.

And I don't know if you've ever bothered a musician with a person who is singing exactly a half note off-. It's the cruciartist curse in real life. So it was not exactly a half note. That would have been okay. That would have been a transposition. This was like a few clicks just enough to be horrible. Oh, it was bad. It was almost as if she couldn't play guitar in real life. So they had like stand-in hands, but then they couldn't find stand-in hands that that could play guitar. So they got somebody else who hands, but then they couldn't find stand in hands that could play guitar. So they got somebody else who could just like, strum their two fingers in like one note time. The whole song is just like,

brrrm, brrrm, it's just like, brrrm, brrrm, brrrm, brrrm, it's just like, yeah, no, it's like a fractal of bad, yeah. Just showing us Mario paint going across. Yeah, just playing GarageBand or Rock Band or whatever. Yeah, yeah, showing us Mario paint going across. Yeah. Yeah. You're playing Grodge band or rock band or whatever. Yeah, right. It's just on like the very like the training level when you first buy the game.

Green green, red, green blue, green red, blue. Yeah. But the key here though is that she's sure happy now, but she's sad and laden with mysterious backstory still. Right. and laden with mysterious back story still right and then white jarring lee beckman is driving down a desert road screaming well sorry i i i got a comment on one thing at the end of that scene that i thought was the weirdest thing i'd ever seen which is

beckman runs into a teenage boy from the congregation all that's right he's like hey, sunny, how's your dad doing? And the boy's like, he's dead now, or he's in an old folk home. And Beckman's just like, well, you got the place to yourself now. And he's just like, what? Like, what? Yeah, how did I almost pass over that?

Yeah, this is Tom. Tom will play an interesting role throughout the film. Tom, I appreciate any of you guys who know anyone's name except for Beckman. Yeah, yeah, no, it's my job to keep track. So yeah, this is Tom and he is madly in love with Tabitha. That's going to come back, right? He's in fact, even made a video of her awesome song that he's edited for her.

Don't ask why it's so sticky. And this is where Tom has the black eye and Beckman's like, Hey, what happened? Did you get the shit beat out of you? And Tom's like, no, I shit beat you. I beat out. I was playing a get eye punch. I'm trying to.

For the name I was a daughter here. Yeah. She's not drug gang related. What? My other favorite part about how this scene ends is like the girl and Tabitha and Tom have like a kind of a flirtation or whatever. And then Tom leaves and the pastor, Beckman,

for whatever reason is like don't tease him. Like what does that mean? Like like, you know, don't set him up if you're not gonna give it to him. It's like, what are you saying? What? I hope you plan on finishing him off. Yeah, well, yeah.

You'll read Timothy. There you go. Yeah. But then we cut to Beckman driving down the desert road screaming and being angry and kicking in a door and whatnot. Oh, my favorite part of this is it ends with probably the best shot of the movie, which is the

car kind of skids do a halt and the camera does nicely slam into the car and like lands perfectly on David A.R. White's big face. And like I kept imagining they probably it probably took them, you know, as someone who's made independent films, it's probably probably took them 35 takes to get this right. And the amount of high five in the most of happened after they got that shot. And they definitely tried to do it at a high speed 34 times. And finally we're like, ah, come on. Slow it down.

You just got to take a responsible right turn into this part. So it's supposed to be this like really dramatic bill. He's crazy in the car going 55 60. They show us. Yeah. Why show us the speedometer? 65 65 65. No more.

No more. No more. It's 65 and then takes the responsible right. Well, but in these conditions, it's a very dusty road. That's very fast for these conditions. But yeah, he jumps out of the car. He's got this tiny little machine gun kicks in a door. And then just as you're going, wait, is this a fucking flash?

What the hell is going on? The movie cuts in and it goes 10 hours earlier. 10 hours from what? From what? 10 hours later from now. I From what? The best movie. 10 hours later from now. I don't know when we were. Yeah, I had a moment.

I think one of you guys did too, where I had a moment of like really trying to put this together and I was just like to clarify. Basically, this is two years minus 10 hours from the end of the training sandwich, which those calendars taught us was approximately six months. So essentially this is like two years,

five months, 20, nine days, and 14 hours. Since the opening of the movie, I brought to you into the classroom. I'm just taking out a piece of paper. Yeah, hold on a way of saying I can address why I'm drawing right down the middle of the piece, David. Carry the one.

Yeah, so 10 hours earlier, him and the black woman from this church and the adopted daughter, they're all sitting around, you know, being happy, playing a board game called exposition prompts, which we also just once again, just to reiterate, this is one of the African American ladies, like two scenes in the movie. Yep. And again, they just hammer home that her name was Baby Thunder, and she had like lots of men from the jazz scene in the 60s from her life. Like, what?

Like, I fucked my way all the way down the American bandstand. Anyway, what were we talking about? It did not seem to be that board game. Even though I was like, do you remember at the first scene and only scene she's been in the movie where she said she'd fucked a lot of dudes? I feel like that's not communicated and I looked at the cover of Safe the Cat. So I need her again to mention just how hard she's been.

I did heroin off George Clinton's dick. There we go. I said, there I said. Yeah, but she gets done explaining that and wouldn't you know it? David A.R. White has tabbath this college acceptance letter. Boy, I sure hope she doesn't get kidnapped. She says, and then okay. So now Tom, the love interest from a couple of scenes ago comes like stumbling and bloody

into the church. I thought he was going gonna have 350 grand again. I was like, oh my God, it just keeps going with this pattern. And then David Arawite is like, I was in Iraq and I killed children. It's like, what? We're in the queue. The next one is an ice agent. I was at the border between Mexico. Yeah, yeah. I'm just

going to say it. I'm the one that orchestrated 9-11. Jesus Christ, David, our white. All right. So, yeah. So bad guys come in and main bad guys. And we know because we have a minor Baldwin in the scene. Oh, yeah. I thought it was Steven, but he must have been doing like a bad Kurt Cameron movie. Exactly. They couldn't get Steven. It's the belished Christian movie Baldwin. Yeah, it's Billy. Yeah. Yeah. William Baldwin comes in. I know I feel bad for out of the ball wins is I had to Google which ball when it was also and I feel bad for I thought that this one was the kind of worst the lowest of the Baldwin's but I forget there's Daniel Baldwin. Yeah.

Daniel Baldwin is like doing two at two episodes, he's doing like an episode of a cop number four on CSF Miami right now. And at least like at least this Baldwin has a name in the movie. Yeah, right. He looked at it and you're like, do a Daniel Baldwin lead movie in like a last car or something like that, right? I'm pretty sure we did. Yeah, yeah, we've seen a lot of minor Baldwin's. He's kind of a big deal in our world. So you don't insult Daniel, and we call him Danny, but we call him the D Dog here on God of the movies. Please save us from our terrible self-imposed punishment. I also had a moment when this Baldwin walks in as the villain I had a

moment he starts talking and he's got the Baldwin voice and I need to know like when all these guys come on to set is there any moment that the directors are like talking to the producers and they're like we need to get him to do the Alec voice. Yeah right right we're not gonna know it's a Baldwin we just do the Alec voice. You know that happens, and he cries every time. But we can't say the Alec voice, what do we, what do we call it? Yeah, they're trying to get it to their gun. Like, can you do it a little like slower and more grovely?

And he's like, you won't make it now. I'm just going to do the Alec. I'm going to do the Alec. I made it yourself. I want to do the Alec. I want to do the Alec. I want to do the Alec. A will-on-net voice.

That's what I'm supposed to say. Yeah. like a lovely a will our net voice like an older will I can get it if you've been in for a hunt for red eye like Lego Batman will our net yeah like that.

Yeah. All right. So all the gun guys come in they're there for tab. It's a the black lady tells them to fuck off. So gun guy behind her wax her in the head with a gun because you know, when you're gun guy, right? What are you gonna do?

So happy. Cause the line was you're in God's house pistol whip and I stopped to laugh for a good couple of minutes. Oh, and then and then they're like, you won't get away with this as the bad guys are leaving pistol whip. I was so happy. Yeah, they pistol whip Davies. What's funny, like the ongoing joke for years has always been like in any, in any, the

black person is always the first to die in horror movies and pureflix. Yeah, that's not another thing. They set it up from the beginning. Yeah, yeah, this lady gets pistol whipped to death. There's no reason, unless she's John Wick's fucking puppy in this movie, there is no reason for her to die at this moment. She could just be in the hospital and lived through the movie, but no, they're like, now we can't. Maybe thunder stuff in the hospital.

Like, there's a thing for this side character. Now, no, to be fair, if she had survived, she might have had to have a scene where she doesn't talk about how hard she used to get fucked I don't know why would not have that I don't know that she would but okay yeah All right So yes, so then we get the next thing where they established that no she was definitely killed by the gunwacking He's like calling her next of Ken going like yeah, she got killed by a Baldwin. It was, it's no, no, not one that you would recognize probably. No, not Alex. Was he at least suing the Alec voice?

Yeah, he was doing the. Yeah, they need to do it. We had to shoot all afternoon, but we got him to do it. We tuckered him as always, be selling. Now so Tom, the love interest boys there, he's all crying in the, in the, in the pews and everything. And Beckman turns to him and he's like, God damn it, who were those people? What's the fucking plot? We're almost half an hour in. And just to be clear, this is the plot. The love interest boy, black eye kid, met gangster Baldwininn who we will learn by the way is a fuck cult leader at work and

happened to show him a video of his ex fuck cult member when asking him advice about girls. That is the plot. This is why David our white needs to stick to didn't believe in Jesus, but now I do. Yeah. And also, I just want to thank you for explaining that to me because I had multiple moments of like what in the fuck is going on? And that sets it up a little better for me. Maybe David should hire you for the next one. Yeah, right. Right. You can do the fucking Star Wars scroll or whatever. So, okay, so then we have this amazing moment where David A.R. White calls like the Motel 6 version

of the Continental, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So he's supposed to be a former hired killer, right? Yeah. And now he's calling back his old company. Is that what's happening here? Yeah. Yeah. He's calling to see if there are if there is literally a plot of John Wick They even have like a British woman that calls him Mr. Beckman instead of Mr. Wick And it's like it actually in our movie faith-based the actor that plays my dad Lance Reddick is the concierge at the continental so I could not stop laughing Oh, that's amazing of like this movie. That's also why they didn't even think about that Okay, so he's calling like the assassin hotline

of his old, like it's a gig economy. Yeah, like he was on Uber Killer, and now he's like getting back in as a driver. Yeah, he's on Chuno. But what's amazing is, you know how you can't think about John Wick for more than seven seconds, because then it's stupid, but you don't have to,

because it's like, but dang, but dang, bright lights. Yeah, right. David A.R. White was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow this down and really focus on the minutia of a hotel based assassin. Dude, this is that is the best explanation for this. I've heard it is as if David A.R. White watched all three of the John Wick movies and thought the story was the best part. Yeah. It's like John Wick Wick maybe the, I love John, I love all of those movies. It may be the simplest story of all time. A man's dog is killed. He decides to kill everyone that killed dog.

It's so simple. And David R White was like, all right, we don't have money to do these action sequences or really nice lighting or any of these actors. What if we just focus on the story? The emotions they'd be going through at those times. Yeah. Okay. So now it's time for chapter three.

We cut back to 10 hours later, minus however much time Matt Seentook. Keep the fuck up. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Two years. What a few days.

16 hours. Yeah. who the hell would know? No, because there are still flip phones. But he's, so we cut back to him like where he had driven down the dusty road or whatever. And he's kicking in the door where there are these three comically large African American gentlemen that he's gonna have to fight for the next action sequence. And this is where Jesus comes through

and gives in the Batman voice. Yes. So, and okay, I want to talk about the scene Action sequence. And this is where Jesus comes through and gives in the Batman voice. Yes. Mm-hmm. And, okay, I want to talk about the scene because you know the scene in any action movie where the guy has a gun near him and the hero's like, uh-uh-uh-uh. Except David Ayer White doesn't understand how that scene works.

So the guy's just touching his gun and David Ayer White still, don't pick up that gun. Do not pick up that, okay, you picked up the gun. Okay, do not pull the trigger of that. Do okay, do not pull that trigger more than three to four times in five minutes. Stop it. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Well, and he's, I did you have a star sighting here that I missed. Oh, really? So I actually, I clicked on the cast thing. I watched it on on prime. So like four scenes ago, I clicked on the cast thing. I watched it on on prime. So like four scenes ago, I clicked on the cast to check who somebody was.

And then I saw Maverick Von Hogg is in this movie. This is where he shows up. He's the guy with the giant face tattoo. Luke, you're probably aware of his work in Suns of Thunder episode two and three in the first place because he's kind of a big deal. You've dedicated five years of your life to this. He's not quite a Daniel Baldwin, but he's up there on the A list. So yeah, so believe it or not, there is a pureflix version of Sons of Anarchy and he plays

the bad guy. I don't know how I've missed that. They're amazing. Probably had parents who loved you. One of the things I did notice in this whole sequence, and again, there's so many times in this movie that my brain just goes to imagining what the set was like. You know, I just keep having moments like they cut and then what does David A.R. White do?

Like in real life. And there was, for sure, my biggest moment of this was there's a shot where David A.R. White is like slowly stalking through a hallway with his gun like an action hero and it's like real slow and intense and I just could not stop imagining him going back to like the monitor where everybody was and like watching playback and is like Viagra's kicking in and just like playing it again, play it again. How about even slower?

Do it even slower. Yeah, yeah. Look into my own eyes. Yeah, but he has a gun fight with the bad guys here. Good thing for him. He they storm trooper at the fuck up. He ends up killing everybody and then he finds there's a damsel in distress, right? There's a kidnap girl in the back room of this place where he just randomly fired bullets. This was from David to us.

This scene, right? Amazing. Where he's just like, oh, heroin girl, chain to the radiator. Well, gotta go. Make better decisions, go fuck yourself. Hi. Yeah. He just takes his foot, phone dials and leaves it in her hand.

Yeah. Just such a like weird choice. Right. He puts a bear trap on her head. I don't know, you figure it out. Whatever you get out, you get out. You deserve it. He doesn't take two minutes to cut or lose. And then, he walks away from the house in slow motion.

I would have bet good money. Money I need to survive that it was going to explode by. And with the girl inside. That he absolutely does. I thought that was him with the girl inside. He absolutely does. Yeah, I thought that was gonna happen. Yeah, he absolutely does the house behind me is about to explode while I'm walking away from it. Walk.

But we're all like, no, the heroin girl's still in there. You just dial 911 and hand it or the phone. Yeah. My other favorite part of this is when they, when they, when he leaves the heroin girl, we reveal that the door to her room is completely off the hinges and like laid out, but it wasn't like a bomb when all of us, the gunfire happening like bullet holes, I understand. Nobody unscrewed door hinges.

That's like, what? Well, they didn't have the budget for hinges apparently. They didn't have a big hinge budget. Yeah. All right. So now, so he's got the bad guy self, he's killed everybody, right? So he's got the bad guy

self on one of the bad guys that was involved in the kidnapping. And so he just starts calling all the numbers and going, Hey, I think we need to do something about that girl we kidnapped. Hello. It's me.

You're normal boss. We need to. Where is she? Just so I know that you know that I know. And again, this is the genius of David I. R. Y. Right. Only David I. R. I. could write the scenes in an action movie. No one wants to see. Right. No, no, no, your repeats a place. Also, fuckers. No, not fucking. Okay. Sorry. Oh, that's his grandma. Oh, my God, that's so funny. I didn't, honestly, I didn't even process that while I was watching it.

And now I'm thinking about it. I'm just like, this is the dumbest part of this. Hello, Angelo's brick oven. We need to know the tab of that. That's stupid. Okay. I wish he had just called everybody and asked if it was Alec Baldwin. Right.

Is this Alec Baldwin? I'm looking for Alec Baldwin. Ah, this is his brother. Oh, Daniel, no, no, no. Oh, brilliant. Oh, David, no, no, oh, okay, all right. Okay, fuck you. But eventually, we do, he does get in touch with Willie Baldwin. Uh-huh.

And they have their big, you know, conversational, big mono, mono conversation thing or whatever. Okay. He's trying to write William Baldwin as a crazy cult leader, but David A. R. White is a Christian. So he's like, you cannot scare me with your death and destruction. I have magic powers. And David A. R. White can't help, so he's like, no, no, I have magic power. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha of a sex cult, he was like, all right, what do you got? $10,000 for my two days? Okay, I'll do it, but I also wanna rewrite this so that I'm like with five young guys. All right, guys, thank you.

Well, who am I have already cast? My character fucks. That's right, my character fucks. I wanna make sure, and then they were like, oh shit, right now we only have the African American lady as the one that comes in the guy. We can make, we can make Billy fuck too. I will surround myself with the most beautiful fours, Nevada hands.

Do not try to fool me with a three in makeup. Yes. All right. So then he gives him the ultimate. I mean, it's like, you know, let Natalie go. I had to look up her name. It was bet it was tabitha. I've whatever fucking name is.

Let Tabitha go or we'll have to do X2 and three. And he's like, oh, I already killed that chick. That's a movie is about my bad. Flash forward to 12 years. 12 years later than long, what? Wait, minus times zero plus two now, say back to normal. All right. So Beckman says to the bad guy, he's like, I'll see you soon.

And I'm like, you're blind, minus well, I've been tutels, dude. Come on. Come here. No, you are. Right. Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim So there. Hi Santa. So what's a big boy like you doing coming to see Santa? Okay, I mean adults can visit Santa also. Ligley, we have to let us. We're allowed to.

Nope, I saw your very loud argument with my elf. An argument which I won with your elf. Yes you did, yes you did. So what do you want for Christmas? I want the number one wish for gift of the year Man'scape What's man'scape? Oh The man'scape performance package is the ultimate men's hygiene bundle and makes for the perfect gift

Sounds nice. What's in it? It's got the weedwacker ear and nose hair trimmer nice. What's in it? It's got the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer, which is waterproof and uses a 9000 RPM motor powered 360 degree rotary dual blade system. Plus the lawn mower 3.0 trimmer, the best trimmer on the market for your balls, but and body. So wait, just to clarify, you waited in line for two hours and pushed a little boy over. Re-claimed my place in line from a little boy. Sure. So you did all that so you could ask Santa for a ball tremor? Yes. Well, you can get 20% off and free shipping with the code awful at manscaped.com.

That's 20% off with free shipping at manscap.com and use the code awful. I can. You sure can? Now what are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds and make Santa proud. I will, Santa. Thanks. Okay. Next. What do you want? Well, Santa.

Security! Damn it, not again. Ow! Ow! Hahaha! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

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Many of your questions can be answered at murderUber.com where you can make a payment, place a new murder order, or schedule a current murder for a different murder uber how can I help you yeah thank you okay great so i'd like to put a hit out on backman uh... alright let me uh... check that for you okay so i see here that he's an assassin who gave up the murder life so yeah i'm gonna need to transfer you to that department

tears no no i just called there they transferred me here at one second while i transfer you god damn it thank you for choosing murder who were your call is very important to us please stay on the line and the next representative will be with you shortly what god damn it i hate the system so much and we're back for more of the shit we're to open up on Davey charging the henchies phone and flash it back to all his fun memories with Tabitha. Well, her is memory of her detoxing and I'm sorry, I just have to say this again.

Quick reminder, detoxing is not lying a bed until all the heroine's gone. Please do not do that to yourself or someone else. Is it not? Cause she just walks out of the bedroom. She's like, I feel on heroin now. Yeah, exactly. I made 48 hours. I think I'm set, right? Also between this scene and the title card, I actually genuinely don't know where we are

in the movie right now. I think we're somewhere in the second year from the beginning, but definitely not the third year. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yes. We are 1.64 years after the opening, at least, but not more than 2.2 plus the exact 48 hours it takes to detox from heroin. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So yes, so she makes some childbirthings sounds that are supposed to be detoxing. And then he gives her a car that has a guitar in it and he gives

her a cell phone. Yeah. And the way he delivers this whole thing is so weird because he's basically like, I got you a car, which is basic, you know, I don't know, five to 15,000 dollars, let's say, but then he makes a big point to be like, and here's a phone. It's not the newest one. Here's the guitar. It's not the best one. It's like you couldn't have given her the extra

$25 for like the nicer but you that you got to get a flip phone 15 grand on the car and Inside this guitar is a puppy Like from John Wick. It's not cute like that. You pose a lock it out of the puppies ass You got to the spoiler though, so it's a shitty puppy, but a spoiler, right? All right. But but when she gets the cell phone, she's kind of afraid of it, right? She has starts going into like mysterious backstory flashbacks and asks if she's going to have to blow him for that or something.

Right? A black tab on that part. Yeah. She says,, is this, are you sure nothing's ever for free? And he's like, don't worry, you're with me now. I promise you'll never get kidnapped by bad guys again. And then he comes out of the flashback and opens the letter and damage she had gotten into UC Berkeley. She was going to date a guy named Ryan who just thought they were fuck buddies. Okay.

That can be a positive thing if everybody's. All right. So he's got this. So he gets a phone call from the motel six continental going like later in the movie, you will have to repay your debt to the assassins and the kid. He's like, all right, is that going to be like an awesome action sequence? And they're like, nope, no, it will be so fucking stupid. I'm not going to spoil it. It's the best fucking you owe me a assassin thing that I've ever seen in a pretty pretty fucking solid. Also, before you hang up, did you enjoy your last

murder gig? Would you like to tip? You can enter a customer mount or yeah. So and then he starts calling random people out of the cell phone again. We get more of his, because this is working out so well for him. More of his calling up going like, did I just kidnap somebody which you earlier today? I've forgotten who was there and who wasn't. Is this Alex? This was the dumbest one The post office. Oh my god. He calls up. He pretends to be from the post office Sir, I'm

Frederick Piro from the post office Post-off you heard you're you're like all Batman and What's going on there? He's like, no, I'm normal. What is your real regular address, please? It's a post full emergency. I need to know. As we had the post office, often call people to ask.

I had that moment where I was like, this is probably kind of like a David A.R. wife in Prov. And I like the idea that he was thinking like, where would people just expect to get phone calls from on a regular basis? And he's just like, who the, you know, it's from the post office. Oh yeah, the post office is always calling me to let me know about my packages.

Like no one has ever fucking gotten called. Hello, this is Blockbuster video. What's stupid? Yeah. Yeah. If there's one thing that the post office doesn't have, it's your address, give it to me. Yeah. Yeah. If there's one thing that the post office doesn't have, it's your address. Give it to me.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's so fucking stupid. All right. So he's driving to this house. All he knows is that it's a phone number that was in this guy's cell phone. So for all we know, he's driving to that guy's dentist's house, but don't worry. He's not.

We know because the title cards is chapter four, Janice. So now he's with when the assassins came into kidnapped the girl, one of them was a woman. So now he's going to kill the woman assassin or whatever, right? Yeah. But a guy answers the door and he's like Janice from the title cards. No. This guy also, he's like a nerdy little guy and I will say I think he steals the movie. Yeah, absolutely. The car of Beckman, too. Yes.

This, this guy will spend the entire movie calling out this movie for being absurd and I want him in every action movie from now on. Yeah, he's just walking around the house like what is going on in this movie? When is it? Yeah. So, okay, so the character is supposed to be this assassin, six husband who doesn't know

she's an assassin. This is very true lies. They're trying to go for it. Like true lies situation. But let's keep in mind before this is over, we're gonna establish that she has a bunch of kidnap girls in her basement. So what did he think they were doing there? That's just where my wife keeps her computers. She's a computer salesman. She's a live-in book club. It's time to know that.

And David R. Wake comes in full-on Batman voice here where he's just straight up like where is she? Where is she? Who? What? Do you want money? I have money. But yeah, but he calls his wife and her brother in law and apparently, and that's when we learned it's the chick from earlier.

I love how that happens to the guys like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man. Fuck called a henchman. What are you saying? The bald ones. And David R.O. It's like, okay, well, is your wife maybe like a henchwoman for a fuck called? And he has to call his wife in.

Be like, honey, you are. Yeah, you're a fuck called henchwoman. And yes, there are girls in our basement. What? I also like that brother-in-law comes in and he goes, you think you're the first guy to point a gun at me? And it's like he got the first half of a tough guy line because then he gets interrupted,

but it was just such a weird flex. Like, I'll have you know several people when it guns at me. And then he's got that weird moment where I'd like, I'd back my it's going, like, hold up your hand so I can shoot him This was the weirdest this was like his big threat was like I'm gonna shoot everyone's hand. Yeah What you put your hand up? I'm gonna aim my gun at it you I'm actually gonna shoot your hand you put your other hand up

I might shoot it Put your left hand I thought this would be more impactful Now put your left hand in the end. I thought this would be more impactful. She ain't got all about, yes. So fucking stupid. But yeah, so after, before he can shoot her husband, she spills the beans and tells him about the other two main bad guys, Reese and Frank. So now we get this amazing scene.

It's like the like, you know, family going on vacation and the kids are bitching in the backseat scene. It's like the like, you know, family going on vacation and the kids are bitching in the back seat scene, except it's day by day our white has taken these three people hostage and they're driving them to the bad guys, but it plays out exactly the same. They're trying to shoot this ominous scene, but they're using someone's mom's mini fan. fan My wife was frozen. We always watch frozen My mom to stick figure family and one of them has a gun on the back Yeah, this entire scene was fantastic. Oh the the husband whiny bitch character the whole time is going This makes no sense. Why don't you just let me out? I'd be in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't even do anything But eventually he goes for the gun because he's like well if no one else is gonna initiate the fucking action

sequence i'm gonna do that truly truly and as they're all escaping the car at this truly one of my favorite moe it will be out done later in the film i have to admit that but he shoots brother-in-law in the car while they're struggling for the gun. And as they're all running away from the car, brother-in-law runs around the car so he could die on camera. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Over five. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes sit with the named cast. Blizz. Well, yeah, in the woman run the henchwoman runs off into the woods. So our hero shoots a woman in the back to death.

Or at least that's what he thinks. Right. Mary here, row of him. Uh-huh. But yeah, turns out she was just playing possum. Uh-huh. She faked getting shot in the back with a gun. Yep.

Yep. So that the guy with the gun could catch up with her in hopes of using her rock smash plan. And so here's the thing, she knocks him unconscious by smashing a rock into his brain. Like this is the second time in the movie, someone's a noctum unconscious with fucking head trauma. This guy would have so much brain damage at this point. This is only the beginning. I can't remember.

Right. Oh, now see, Noah, now I wanna watch that movie. Well, Mr. Beckman, it would seem that despite the bump on your head and that trip over the bridge, you have survived Survived to kill my men and destroy my business, but that won't happen again, Mr. Beckman. Not today Not ever again Ammo Quacko Sorry, what? Yeah, yeah, I think we might have done some damage when we knocked him out just now.

Namakwaggo. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. And remember earlier when he had that bat fight with Jonesy, he got hit in the head with a bat at least twice during that. Namakwaggo. Right.

Right. So we still kill him. at least twice during that. Ammo Quacko, Ammo Quacko. Right, right. So, we still kill him? I don't know, that just feels mean, right? Yeah, what are we? Texas? Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, that's fair. All right, well, you're free to go, Mr. Beckman,

but I better never see you again. Oh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. You. How? Emoc. Wagon. All right.

So he wakes up from his unconsciousness. You just meant the movie of David A. R. White getting hit in there. I think it moved me too. I mean, I'd watch that too. Yeah. All right. So he wakes up tied to this chair flashing back to more tap with the memories. Of course. Mm-hmm. This is a pleasure back to the time he accidentally stood between like like trapped her in a closet with where he was standing accidentally and she freaked the fuck out. I also love that there's like no real method to the madness of their flashbacks. No, sometimes their memories, they go into his face as he goes to him.

Sometimes they're just for us to enjoy. Right. Right. So yeah. So again, she's like, you know, I never want to talk about my complex back story again. And he's like, okay. All right. Well, we'll, we'll have another flashback soon.

I'm sure. And then he wakes up in the basement fuck dungeon chained to the floor. Yeah. Well, and he's chained like really efficiently, like there was like custom retrofitting of this basement for chaining people up. Yeah, we'll find out. It's not as it's not as well done as you you'd think upon looking at it. But yeah, I feel like that contractor guy needs to ask more questions. It's my live in book club. So yeah, but this is Janice's basement. The chick that he was trying to kill and she's got a bunch of other ladies chained up there because every other scene has like ladies chained to something in it.

Yeah, that was in David's writer that black lady always had to talk about how many people she fucked and every other scene needs a chained girl in a basement or an unconscious girl in a chair. One or the other. Yeah. All right. So, but we learn here that one of the ladies shaded the basement with him has gotten her hand out of her out of her binds. She's like, I have a free hand.

I mostly use it not to brush the bangs out of my face. And then we have Janice coming downstairs and it's supposed to be all ominous because she's coming down there with a kitchen knife to kill him, but she's wearing sketches and focused, hard to shoot ominous sketches. This is true. Comfortable, comfortable. Yeah. This is also leads into like one of the weirdest things I've ever seen in a movie where she just starts

carving him up. Yeah. It's like what? Like she's talking to him and just slashes his face and slashes his chest and she's just like is this just some sort of like sick fantasy? Like what does this have to do with anything? Well because he's got to be all John Wick levels of beat up before it's over but yeah yeah exactly it's just this bizarre fetish moment as it stands and did they have a moment because

obviously like they pureflix has to hit their parameters to somewhat hit their audience and so does he have like a person that's kind of like the mp a but for like Christian moms right it's like how much can we do it's like all right you can slash him up but like three slashes no throats definitely no throats this is where the one million moms funding comes from the idea

we're only get three double words if you we've got to uh... don't play stuck in the middle with you. Don't know years. All right, and then he hears how fucking lazy the writing is. Here's how he gets out of it. He slips his foot out of the shackle. I really wanted girl who got her hand free to be like seriously.

He's been here one day. This is bull. I've been working on this for three weeks trying to get out of this thing. I bit my thumb off. Oh, fuck you guys. Very small. So yeah, so they have a little wrestle fight. And eventually Wendy, the girl with the hand free grabs the discarded knife stabs Janice

in the back. Now, the Janice character runs upstairs. Do I guess get her gun or whatever with the knife sticking out of her back and I'm sure that's not supposed to be hilarious. Oh, it is the only thing that outdoes the run around the car to die. She literally holds the banisters as she runs upstairs to stop. This entire sequence with Janice like leading up to her running down the stairs. I couldn't tell if I thought this was either the worst acting in the entire movie or if it was the one actor in the movie that was like fuck it. I know what movie I'm in. Let's do that.

Yeah, I'm not mad. I'm disappointed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she goes upstairs and dies. Wendy, the girl who got her hand free uncuffs herself and and backman. Now he goes up. Now, of course, before she got herself killed, she called Reese and Frank the remaining two main bad guys. So now they're coming. And David air weights got to drop on them. But by the time Billy Baldwin shows up, he's like, hold on a second, wait a minute, wait a minute. What if somebody got a foot free and kicked her, then another person got a hand free and stabbed her after she called me? I better call just to make sure, right?

Because he's no sucker. Oh, I really wanted him to answer the phone in a lady voice. Please answer the phone and a lady voice. Hello. Hello. It's me, Janice. So the post office. Oh wait, wait, wait, I'm not. I'm a Mont. I know you, Janice, who knows you? I'm from the post office.

But yeah, but so Billy Baldwin calls him and he does, he does this like evil monologue, he bullshit. Every goddamn time he speaks in this movie, it's this three minute depock Chopra trying to fuck you at a Coke party nonsense monologue. I guarantee you, I guarantee there was moments in pre-production where David A.R. White or whoever it is at Pure Flix got the script and was like, listen guys, if we're gonna get any of the bald ones except for maybe Daniel, we need to beef up

these bald ones. Yeah, it's right, right. And they were like, you know, because like Steven or Billy, they're gonna read this and they're not gonna think it's enough guys. It's such an absolute trite bullshit. You're going to end up with fucking Dan, you're on a last go again, you don't want that. Okay. Oh, all right. This was punched up to William level. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love this monologue, too. He's like, oh, Mr. Beckman, you and I, we could have done Ayahuasca and the desert together. And then talked about it too much to our friends who weren't there, Mr. Beckman. We could have gone on Joe Rogan together. This is William Baldwin high as fuck, like just like literally riffing and they're just like just record, just record.

Yep. Yep. Exactly. So he and he hangs up with Beckman and he turns to his driver who's the other main bad guy. And the other main bad guys like, Hey, man, you want to watch out for this guy. You should get out of town. Well, you still can. The Koreans call him the demon and Baldwin's like, why? And they're like, uh, because Boogie Man and Romanian was taken, I guess we didn't have a thing. man in Romanian was taken, I guess, so we didn't have a thing.

And then we see a mass email. Oh my God. Yes. Uber killer app mass emails all their, their gig people is just like everyone kill Beckman go and his two friends. There you go. Yeah, there's a hundred thousand. Oh, well, because of this amazingly terrible fucking line, wait, I wrote it down because it was so goddamn bad.

At the end of the conversation with Billy Baldwin, he says to Beckman, and I quote, if death is all you value, then I will reign it down upon you. So, so that's him reigning death of a down upon him, but a $100,000 price on Beckman's head and $10,000 on like all his known associates. I really wanted him to get other spam emails from Uber Murder. I just like in these trying times of COVID, Uber Murder has come to get shipped up to get stopped. I don't want an email from Uber Murder about how you're handling COVID. Stop it.

I don't like it. So you already wear masks. All right. So we go to chapter five, Tom, and all of us go like, wait, who the fuck is that a character we've met? Now, but he was the love interest for Tabitha that led them to the church in the first place so they could kidnap her.

He's that kid, the kid with the black guy. He's the kid whose dad died of cancer or whatever. And Beckman was just like, well, at least you got the studio apartment. Yeah. That guy. He had the good chair now, right? Right by the TV. Good angle. Nice. All right. So yes, so he goes to Tom's place. Tom isn't there. And while he's there, wouldn't you know it? A husband and wife assassin team shows. Oh, you love a power couple. I see a power couple. So they come in. They're working together. Good teamwork. Good teamwork between the two. I'm going like, Hey, man, isn't this a fucking religious movie? Why the hell are we here? And this is just another like, there's so many moments in this movie. Obviously, John wicks the big one, but you have so many moments where

you know, David Ayerwhite was like watching a bunch of these types of movies and was just like pulling and pulling and pulling. And this was clearly his like mr. and Mrs. Smith like yep not only well we have a couple but we'll make him kind of funny even though there's no other humor in the entire fucking movie like it mr. and Mrs. Smith is one tone the whole movie it's like a funny action comedy there's no comedy in this entire movie he just all of a sudden has like his mr. and Mrs. Smith two minutes yeah so, so they're like watching each other's back. So to get them, he's going to have to split them up. So he coaxes the chick in to the room and then locks the door with like that shitty ass

lock that you put on a teenager's bedroom door. He might as well flip a sign on the outside of the door from open to closed and the husband spends the whole time banging on it. The six figure assassin with a gun can't get through that door. Okay. Even though in the last firefight, bullets fully took the door off the hint. Yeah, right. Exactly.

The doors in this universe won't even stay on the hinges. So so we get some great David A. R. White hitting a woman choreography, which is nice. But they can't go all the way to having him kill a woman in the movie. So they settle on some convoluted bullshit where the husband finally burst through the door and inso doing knocks her face into the corner of a nightstand to death. Yeah. God, it's so stupid. All right, so he fights her, then he's got to fight the dude

with a pan, was a pan fight at this point. And just as he's taking him out, right? Just as he's finishing this guy off, Tom wanders in and sees him shooting this guy in the head in the middle of Tom's apartment. That's right, Tom, wait. And can I just say that the take they chose for Tom to have on this

action movie of murder is illegal. Fabulous. I've seen a lot of fucking escort mission movies, but this is the first one where imaginative all through the last of us, Elliot just been like, you know, killing is wrong, even if someone's a zombie. Yeah. Yeah, but the kid runs out. He's like, oh, my pastor's a murderer. And he's like, no, don't run off. God, damn it. This is stupid again. Yeah. David A.R. White nails the scenes that we don't want to see in every action movie. Like chasing down the sidekick because there's been a misunderstanding. Yeah, yeah, because he's seen you do your whole job of the movie, which is assassinate people. Yeah. Yeah. So everybody, he chases down Tom and convinces him to get the car with him. And Tom's given it like he's like, look, man, I'm a dark assassin and

they've come and they've killed Tabitha and I'm taking vengeance. And he's like, yeah, man, but this is a Christian movie. It's pureflux. You can't just shoot people the whole time. I meant just shooting them. Well, honestly, this whole movie, to me, is such a perfect example of the hypocrisy that so much of the Christianity that I grew up on is. Like my dad, we would be allowed to watch like every commando predator type movie,

but like you can't see boobs. Yep. You know what I mean? Like your high school and you're like, you can't get a handy. That's terrible. But we will allow you to watch like 300 people be decimated in this movie. And we will force an ABC's on you at four years old that has death and genocide in it. Yeah. Like this whole movie is like a pastor going around murdering like dozens of people and that's on pureflix, but you'll never see like a remotely realistic relationship seen in pure flix because that would go against what it's like to be high school dating. Right. Yeah. I there's also there's a great moment. Okay, so now a bad guy shows up, right? Another assassin

has showed up to try to kill him This is the administrator the administrator is awesome and we're gonna spend a minute on the administrator But before we do I have to point out this great line where Tom goes, hey, man Why don't you go faster and they they are way goes only idiots get into car chases with their big Idiot budgets with their big idiot budgets. And if they tried to get William Baldwin to do the Alec voice, man, did they try to get the administrator to do the mysterious Asian. Oh God.

Yeah. Okay. So he's an assassin whose gimmick is nope. Nope. But no, his gimmick is wearing a suit and tie and having ink pens in his pocket protector. Yeah, honestly, this guy's outfit in this movie is literally like a Halloween town costume you got for nerd. Yes. It was just like, we've got the tape on the glasses, we've got the pins in the pocket,

he's the nerd assassin. If he turned around, there would have been a kick me sign on his back. Yeah. He's Dwight's route. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And again, just to clarify, he is called the administrator. Why do they call him the administrator? Because no, no, no, no one has lived long enough to find out. Is the actual answer. I really want to begin to respond. Well, then how does anyone know he's called the administrator? So someone has lived long enough to know he's called the administrator.

But then there's a, the death has started at the follow-up questions. He shouted out to somebody he's called the administrator. There's so many moments in this sequence too. It's like a big fight sequence between him and the nerd and like, I actually kind of started to feel bad for whoever the DP was of this movie because you can tell they're like, they're doing their best, but David A.R. White is like, I need this to look like John Wick.

And the DP is like, David, we have one light. We've made it look like John Wick. It's like, what also we should point out like, the administrator is a hefty fellow, right? He's not a thin, in shape kind of guy. The moment at which they asked this Asian gentleman, whether or not he knew Kung Fu was 34 seconds after someone yelled action for this

you know karate right? What? No, there's a wall. Are you assuming that? Okay. You know, breakfast at Tiffany's right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. And then so this big fight scene starts to really sold this one bigger than any of the other fight scenes in the movie to this point. And then David A.R. White just gets his ass kids. Which I'll give you wrong. I'm all for it. It's not the laziest version of David A.R. White can't do fight choreography This movie's going to present us with that's coming up, but it's pretty close because instead They're just gonna have the administrator sit down and be like oh beat the shit out of you Okay, I'll tell you what give me a good high coup and I'll let you live

I'll tell you what, give me a good high coup and I'll let you live. Okay. Right. Well, the first, he's got to make an excuse. Like the guy who just whipped his ass was going to be like, well, the sun was obviously in your eyes just now, right? Because he goes, he goes, well, you were already very injured. You are way more badass than that fight choreography would have suggested in real life, though. I'm sure.

There's also, I know it's just a tiny moment, but I have to talk about it. Before the administrator sits down to do the, why I'm gonna spare you monologue, he straightens his tie dramatically, but the actor doesn't know that that's a gesture with a purpose, so he just moves his tie back and it's not straightened when he's son.

But yeah, but he's like, all right, he's like, if you answer this question correctly, I'll let you live. If I don't kill you, what will you do when he's like act three? And he's like, all right. Yeah, no, that's a good answer. Yeah, sure. That's a good answer. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, that resolution was so stupid that I need to celebrate. So we're going to take another quick break. But first, let me give you the act three of the hard sell. Did the pitch for this movie include the words, okay, but I'll kill them, Christianly?

Is David A.R. White doing okay after the divorce? Does he need somebody to talk to, buddy? Find out the answers to different questions and more. We'll return for the splodastic conclusion of, Beckman. Michael Dubois! Welcome to the League of Assassins! Happy to be here!

So, what should we call you? Oh, um, Michael is fine, but Mike is okay. No, I mean you're a cool assassin name. Oh, I think I'm fine without one. I'll just, you know, shoot people to death for money. No, don't be ridiculous. Of course, you need a coolest ass in name. Do? But yeah, wait.

Oh, who are we going to hire to kill the Prime Minister of Chechnya, the Boogie Mon of Moscow, the Silent Demon, or Mike? Yeah, let's hire Mike. Okay, fair point. I just, I love a thing, you's hire Mike. Okay, fair point. I just love a thing, you know? So not sure what you would call me. Okay.

Oh, here's a scary one. What about the beekeeper? And you could like dress up like a beekeeper. It seems like that would make killing people harder. Okay, right. No, I see that. Okay. The... The... The dormant of death.

Do I have to dress like a dormant? Well, I figured that you would. Thought. Ah, um, yeah. I- I kind of like to avoid anything costume-based. Okay, well, fine. Then you think of something. I've come up with two. Ready. Mr.... Mr. Gunshoots. Who shoots people with a gun? Well fine then you think of something I've come up with too Ready Mr Gun shoots who shoots people with a gun. It's you're not even trying

And we're back for more of this shit We're gonna open up on Davian Tom going to see the gangster guy from the ba-a-poly from the beginning at his self-storage place the gangster guy from the, Polly from the beginning at his self storage place. Okay, but it's not exactly a self storage place. Well, you can store yourself there. Yeah, no, it turns out to be so much more than it's he. Okay, is the whole thing a secret prison that looks like storage cubes or does he do both?

You have one, yeah. Yeah. I feel like you have to have a few regular stores because like people will show up occasionally to rent the thing, right? He's taking someone on a tour. Now, you wanna store this stuff while you move to Las Vegas with your girlfriend. Do your books and paintings need a toilet by accident?

I can't recommend that. I mean, they like to try to escape. Yeah. This was definitely a moment where I had a quick, like I was watching and all of a sudden it cut to the exterior of the self storage place. And then I kind of like, I don't know, I got a text or something and I looked down for like maybe

15 seconds and I looked back up and they were like locking the kid in the jail and I was like, what is happening in the school? That William Baldwin with face paint. What is happening? No. So I guess because the assassins are looking for Tom, they're going to lock him in this secret prison for a little while.

Why the fuck even introduce this to your goddamn movie? But before they can lock him away, he has to give David A.R. White some more like, but be Christian and turn the other cheek and don't kill people for murdering your adopted daughter. Shit. Okay. Seriously, I let this guy punch me. Remember my black guy from the beginning? I let him punch me and then later he came up and was like, hey, what the fuck? And now he loves Jesus. Anyways, this is a purerfully smoothy. I'm just gonna close this. Damn. Yes, that's what he does. Great. Okay, Polly, I need a bunch of bullets

to kill people, I'm going to. That's exactly how it plays out. Really what it muffled from the behind the metal. Oh. I got it. Oh. In my mind, there's also a world where like, they had Polly for one day and they had shot

the majority of the beginning stuff and then they were just like, gosh shit, we got two more hours. So we just lock up the kid and have Polly have a little bit of it. Bert Young was like, yeah, I gotta go down to self-storage, I've gotta sell my assigned Rocky scripts. Uh, uh, uh, all right.

So now we get chapter six, Frank. Who's Frank? Fuck you. He's the, God, he's, he's not that he's the driver that he's the third of the four guys that were there when they kidnapped the chick. Are we going to go see Frank? No, no,

it's chapter six. Frank. So we cut to a chick with a nose ring and I'm like? No, no, it's chapter six Frank So we cut to a chick with a nose ring and I'm like, okay, well then fuck you if you're not trying and I'm not trying The second time in a row they have had the chapter be a person's name and then the first main person to appear is not that person Not that person. Yes, clearly. Yes, Frank Is not that person. Yes. Clearly. Yes. Not Frank. Yeah. This is Kara. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. And she's just on, she's on the phone with Uber killer HR. Yes. Just being like, all right. I cracked the firewall. I'm going to kill some, I don't know. Five stars though, right? You can't. Also, you can't just claim we're all independent contractors. You should get like health insurance. A lot of people in the gig economy. This is also just again, this is probably the 12th time that David A.R. White has watched

a movie and be like, I'm just going to pull from that. So he clearly in his research watched the girl with the dragon tattoo and was like, oh, this is what hackers look like. Let me get her dark hair in a nose ring. And so everyone knows that she's a hacker. Yep. Exactly. But again, this nose ring is, this is nose ring via the world of pure flakes. Someone just gave her the purity ring and was like, don't put it all the way in your nose. Yeah. This was somebody's wedding ring. They taped on. Ferdinand the bull looks at this ring and is like, okay,

for this insulting. Also, I want a thousand hours of this either improvised or written by idiots hacker talk. She's like, oh, you think you know me? I have your thumb prints. I have your fingerprints. I have computer words. USB drive.

Yeah, listen, Doss, I will take you down right now. No, that's missed. DOS to you. What computer words do you have? Um, well, yeah, but so she gets off. Her name is Mevis Beacon. Sorry. Good.

All right. So yeah, but so she gets off the phone with that guy and she glances over she sees David I. Are white and she runs from him because he wants to he runs good like Tom Cruise damn it. He wants everybody to see him. Rod. We get to watch a run here. I was really happy. But again, David I. Are white has created a brilliant character that I want in every action movie because in every action movie where there's a John Wick or a Terminator or whatever, everyone just assumes when he says I'm a good guy now that he's a good guy now, but this character will spend the entire movie being like, you're gonna shoot me in the face. No, I'm not gonna shoot you in the face.

Just so you know, I'm mad at you for shooting me just now when you are going to. So you know, I'm mad at you for shooting me just now when you are going to. But so before we get to any of that, though, he's chasing or any walks into this room with again, these comically large guys who just happen to be in that warehouse, chopping someone to death at that moment. Yeah. Honestly, it's literally like a youth pastor with a spray tan walks in and is like, I'm going to fight off three of the biggest thugs you've seen with like, and he grabs like a baking pan or something.

Yes. Yes. He does. Mike, I would probably, my character would probably need a weapon in this case, but yeah, he's like, wait, what are you guys doing here? And they're like, yeah, we're the fight scene that Kara keeps around and Kishie has to run from somebody. It's a whole thing.

Honestly, we thought we should was wasting her fucking time until now, but here you are. Our time to shine. Oh, and one of the guys who sort of comes out of nowhere is the main character of Sons of Thunder. And I had this existential terror moment where I was like, Sons of Thunder guy. And then I was like, I'm so fucking sad and how excited I got. I'm like, no. Yeah.

An actor from a Christian series. I've watched the three episodes of, oh, I'm so with you Eli, I'm so with you. Yeah. I also had just like, again, just a funny moment of like, you know that, David, I think he lives in like Arizona or somewhere and you know that he goes to like an equinox. Like you know he goes to like one of those kind of gems and I just I could not stop imagining him

on like the butterfly machine like checking his phone and like flirting with a personal trainer like yeah I'm training for this action movie called Beckman but I play Beckman yeah it's the name of it you're gonna have put traps for the V. I'm gonna run, it's like through an alley, and I'm probably gonna have to do the run like 25 times, I don't know.

You know? I'm just like, I'm doing all my own stunts in this one. So he's also a regular at a very shitty brewery that they rented for like three hours. So that's where they are again. That's where the fight with the administrator was. And they're just in like a side room of the same. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So he's using brewery stuff like a baking tray that they have. Yeah. Yeah. So he's fighting with

these two guys. They get the best them for a second. And there's like, so you got like the three huge large people. And then you've got the skinny little boss guy telling them what to do. And he's like, get the drill., drill them in the head. And the one guy's like, well, you pay the fucking bills, man, I'll get the drill. But of course Beckman ducks just then. And so one of the big guys ends up drilling the other big guy in the face. And I'm like, is this, this is pure flicks, right? Okay. All right, still pure flicks. All right, then. All right, grab the beer tap. Try to tap his face. I don't know. Yeah. So then, yeah. So, but he beats up all of the guys. That's a universal sentence. You could probably just use that for the majority of the movie.

And we could wrap this thing up and like, it's like a long story short, David A. White ends up beating up the guys. Pizza ball the guy. Yeah. DLDW. End of Beckman. All right, but yeah, but this, if you recall, this was just so that he could talk to the hacker chick.

He finally gets to where he's like, look, I was not looking for a whole big fucking action sequence. I just need you to hack shit. And of course, she's like, yeah, but you're going to shoot me in the face. So, all right. So she's here basically just to give us all of the remaining exposition, right? She, she explains to us that Billy Baldwin is a billionaire and a sex cult leader and he's off the grid and she can't find him. But she knows where the other guy is, which did also remind me, I had a moment during

this whole scene where I was like, shouldn't we have seen Billy Baldwin? Like again, at some point, like get the main bad guy in the movie that you see, and again, it's like, could they not have, could I, I had a moment here of like, could they not afford the third Billy Baldwin day? And so it's just kind of like everybody else can tell these stories.

Yeah, right, there is an awful lot of other people talking about things he said is. Yeah, right. There is an awful lot of other people talking about things he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Billy Baldwin would like you to know. Yeah. So, yeah, so the hacker check tells him where the third of the four bad guys is, this is Frank and she has this amazing stupid fucking line. She's as the scene's ending, she says, do me a favor when you find him, kill him twice. And back then, it's like what? She's like, it sounded good in my head. And like, now that I say it, it's obviously it's stupid. But you want to talk about high fives.

People had to go to the hospital after they killed him twice. And the writers room. Yeah, there's a few of those lines in there that you know they were like, fuck, yes, I'm calling it a day. Well, yes, but yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, that's the thing. You can murder 500 people in this movie, but I guarantee there was a moment where they

were filming one of these fight scenes and in the actual acting of it, one of the guys, you know, he got hit wrong or something and he was like, fuck. And David R. White was probably like, hey, you can't, you cannot curse in this movie. And he's like, well, you just drilled into like that guy's head. You shot all these people. No, you don't use the Lord's name and vein in this movie. They shut the set down like Robert Pattinson got COVID. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This speaking of Batman, this was Christian Bale's like big rant moment, but David A.R. Whitehead and it was like, God damn it. You cannot speak like this in pure play. All right. So, yeah. So, David drives inevitably towards the finale, arriving at third main bad guy's business. And of course, he has to like, he has to fight the bouncer before he can get into the club with a guy work. He has to fight the bouncer before he can get into the club with a guy work.

Yeah. He has to fight him off camera. Yeah. Didn't have time to shoot that one. They were like, oh, we got 30 minutes threatening him. Start to move towards him. We'll cut out. Yeah.

Imagine how badly the fight choreography went in this scene. What? What digital files are floating out there in the world that we met set on where even David Ayer White was like, we should probably cut that fight scene where you can watch me poop. Yeah. In my mind, it's like something where like David Ayer White went to like headbutt the guy and the guy moved and actor David Ayer White just went like falling off the thing or

something like he just fell off the balcony and they were like, I can't stop. Yeah. So instead we watch this white through the eyes of this chick that's like freaked out. He's beating up this big bouncer. She goes to call the cops. He gets them with a fight, points a gun at her and he says, hit and I'm like, when was this movie made?

The girl when she was graduating on her mortar board, it's in class of 2019. What do you mean hit and hang up the handset? Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ dial zero for operator. Yeah, what are you talking about? Anyway, so yes, he goes into the club and he comes up to the main bad guy. The main bad guy sit into a two like ancillary bad guys from different movies.

Yeah, this this table to me was like somebody made like the low budget dick Tracy. Yeah, and they were like throw a few of them these character actors in here all around the table for whatever reason. So it should also be the premise to a bad joke about walking into a bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I love like they they're a button.

So he kicks out the other two bad guys. He's like, you're probably being looked for by some other assassins who thought they were out of the game. You go do your own thing. And they're about to have this conversation. But then like the two characters realized that it's too loud there for them to have this conversation. So he's like, oh, I was really looking forward to a shouting nightclub back and forth with the final villain. You'll never get away. I'm so sorry. What? Who likes this? Who likes this? Who's enjoying this environment? What? Do you want a dance? Do you want what? Do you want to get a beer? They're only $19. All right. So they go back to his office. And of of course there's a passed out hot chick. I think she's a wrestler.

I don't know. What? Randomly, the trick that was passed out in his office there. Yeah, oh yeah, she was in the WWE family at one point. Yep. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

They like got a WWE person and then they were like, she showed up on set and she was like, what am I doing? Like a big fight sequencer. What do you want me to kind of like, I'm probably the best stunt person here. And they were like, no, we're not going to utilize your 15 years of being in the WWE. We want you to just be hot and asleep in this chair for literally no. Yeah, exactly. We will not even address you.

How are you really? Yeah, exactly, exactly. So he goes back to with the main back guy. And the main back guy is like, hey, let me tell you exactly where Billy Baldwin is There's only like 12 minutes of runtime left and he's like you can't just tell me where he is I still have to kill you dramatically for the movie to work. It's so good Again, these action droops indeed to stay around. He's like tell me where your boss is and he's like dude I'll give you fucking Google Maps. I don't like that guy

like that guy. And it's like, Oh, wow. So fun. That kind of fucks the stakes of the scene. I hope I don't get a phone call from the, tingling, tingling, tingling, tingling, tingling, tingling, tingling. Yeah, oh God, this is where he gets the phone call from the Uber killer, where they want to cash in on that debt,

but the cashing in on the debt is they want him to not kill this guy. Yeah, yeah. What a brilliant follow through for that setup. Mr. Beckman, your mission should you choose to accept it is nothing. It's just a scene. Yeah, I wish they had been like Mr. Beckman.

We've been watching this movie, honestly. You as an assassin is just not working out. So the way that your debt will be cleared is if you just wrap this up now. What if you were a priest at a traditionally black church? Do you think maybe? Yeah, but then okay, so he's about to leave, right? He's thinking about just letting this guy live because it wouldn't really make sense in the sequence. But then he notices that sitting right beside this man's desk for reasons that I am fascinated to learn, he has a yearbook of all the girls he's killed.

Yeah. With X's over the ones he's killed. They literally, whoever the production designer was, set this up like it was like a book of baseball cards. You were right, in the middle. He it was like a book of baseball car. He's just like flipping through pages. It's like his pog collection, but it's just like dead girls. And he flips through.

He flips through and finds his surrogate daughter whatever and she received a B in being sex traffic. We learn from this. And he's mad. Yeah. I'm like, my daughter got a fucking B. How dare you get the fuck out of here. She got into Harvard. Well, yeah. If I, I would love to work on these movies because I, I think I would try to do stuff to see if they, if they caught it. Like if I was this production designer, I'd be like, what does he want? Okay, and I'd just make his full book of dead girl cards. And I would have like one page that was just like

a bunch of Shaquille O'Neill rookie cards or something in hopes that like no one touches it until like a podcast like this is watching it and is like, did you guys pause it on the page of Shaquille O'Neill rookie cards? Okay, next page is Bane Capitals HR. If you pause it right here, there's a message out there that says, please find me and kill me. Weird. Yeah, okay. So now it's time for our, so he kills that guy, right? And now it's time for our final

chapter, chapter seven, dandand, Reese, which is, I guess, Billy Baldwin. I think they did really set that up. Okay, to be clear, the good guy just left a sex slave right there without helping her again. With a corpse. With a corpse. Like, you know, so now she has to try and explain to the police. No, there was a preacher that came in and killed him. I was uninvolved.

Yes. You also would think when you found the big, like, collection of dead girl cards that he would be like, and killed him. I was on and you also would think when you found the big like collection of dead girl cards that he would be like, okay, I'm at least going to call the police and walk away after leaving a voicemail that says like, Hey, police, there is a massive sex trafficking ring going on here. If you show up, you know, he doesn't do anything. He's just got to get the one guy. Yep. Exactly. Also some really good shakil cards. Just check out.

We can't hit it. Yeah. All right. So he's driving out to the ranch where Billy Betty bald win is and all of his phones start ringing at once. So he has this like dramatic moment where he throws them all out of the car because in movies, you can't just turn them the fuck off or take out the batteries. And so stupid.

Anyway, so he shows up at the ranch. All the horses are looking at him like, I bet he doesn't go through with it. He was a pussy. And he limps towards the light. He's got this, there's this audio montage playing in the background of all the movie's main points about how he shouldn't kill people and he shouldn't take revenge. And technically this has to be a Christian movie before it's all over, right? Basically, it's a phone message from his mom.

Now David, I've seen the daily. I've been looking at the daily. Yeah, it's like, I wish that we could like recut this with stuff like that. And you just hear like, David, it's unis from the Dove Awards. We're looking at it to an a half right now. So, all right. But yeah, he pushes past all of those good reasons for him not to take vengeance and he walks towards this light off in the distance. Billy Baldwin is in the middle of doing a satanic spell or whatever. Where and they have superimposed these weird ass CGI flames.

Oh, they're so good. They're like a perfect triangle. And it says if David A.R. White was talking to a VFX guy, it was like make the flames perfect and unchanging. And the guy was like, but sir, this is a, it's a wood burning fire. So it's going to be fine. And unchanging. Yeah, or he was talking to his VFX guy and he was like, and yeah, we'll put to like fire

bonfires right there. And he was like, great. Yeah. So that package is 1999. He was like, whoa, whoa. $19. What can I get for six bucks? What can I get for? Yeah, it's like something out of a fucking 1998 video game or something. It's so weird. Yeah, it's like a 16 bit flame. Yeah. And keeping by the other solution was just a set wood on fire. Yeah. What happened in their universe where they couldn't do that? Billy Baldwin was like, all right, motherfucker,

but I'm not getting warm. Yeah. Yeah, or just like a gas, a little gas fire pit that he had set up for his ritual. Like, okay, nobody would even question it. Right. All right. So, and of course, we should address that this is the point where we see Billy Baldwin in his sweet ass face paint.

Yeah, it was like a really bad version of like the ultimate warrior. Yeah, I call it, I call it the Tonto makeup. Oh, yeah, there you go. There you go. Yeah. So, yeah, so he's about to sacrifice, sacrifice like he said in the middle of his ceremony to mullock or whatever and Davey just limps right up in the middle of it. I love. There's a moment where all the disciples are like, he means to hurt the master and they all go to attack him. I'm like, oh my god, is he gonna kill all these disciples? Shooting a bunch of hippies in the desert. Yeah, right. It's like, I'm trying to save you assholes

from human sac- Oh, fuck, this doesn't work. Yeah. And then we get the final of fucking baddy Baldwin's monologues, right, where he does the whole strike me down now and I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, bit.

In this turns into some, his speech turns into some weird sort of like fight club Want to be like speech against consumerism or something is like I got so confused I was like what is he talking about of like It was like reading the doctorer runners show package at a certain point. Yeah Fuck was going on there Billy Baldwin's just given the monologue everyone gave me when I fired them from the toy store 10 years ago Your whole life will be defined by the corporate media. Okay, man. You tried to huff up on dramatic Relax Nietzsche

Yeah, I also like that he just like Beckman essentially drove all the way there like for nothing. Like, there's like no real, I just kind of even's a walking away. Well, yeah, because right then he reaches like the pinnacle of his audio montage and he's like, yeah, I guess I'm not going to shoot you. Never mind. Yeah. He's in the middle of sacrificing a lady. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And then David A.R. White throws his gun away dramatically. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't really work. Yeah. And then David airway throws his gun away dramatically. Oh, yeah, but it doesn't really work And I throw my fuck okay That went like ten feet as you think it up Luckily Anthony Fauci is here to throw it farther and better Luckily Anthony Fauci is here to throw it farther and better. What kind of moral or ethical lesson is this? He walks, imagine the guy you're an assassin, you walk up, the bad guy is about to sacrifice

somebody. There's other women that for all we know, all of them are going to be sacrificed. And your moment is like, I know that I've already killed dozens of people throughout this story, but I'm not going to like kill this guy. The main bad thing. The right thing. It's like, no, man, you've already done your job. Kill the really bad guy at least, you know?

Yeah, but nobody's like, I'm not going to kill you. And the guy's like, oh, well, in that case, the girl tab of the still alive in a barrel back in the, yeah, in that case, the girl Tabitha is still alive in a barrel back in the, uh, yeah, that's right. He said, why the fuck would you tell me that? But okay. So then he runs off to save Tabitha and leaves all these other girls to be sacrificed to mulluck, I guess.

When he opened the barrel and spilled her out, I really wanted to be like, Hey, Oh, wow, that barrel is filled with shit. Man. How long have you been in there i mean they did kidnap you on taco twos day but still taboo on i really ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Billy Baldwin being like, she's in a barrel. And then like, he walks up and like opens the barrel and like she is. And then he gets her. Yeah. That's the end of that.

That's like how his story kind of wraps up. Yeah, okay. Well, she goes, she goes, like, she even asked him at those points. She's like, how did you find me? And he's like, a bunch of dumbass coincidences and bullshit. We don't have much in the way of writers. I got to meet the guy from Suns of Thunder though, that's the thing. I'll tell you about it in the car, and then we'll be sober.

Yes, he even asked, he's like, is it over? And I'm like, oh, you and me both, Tabitha, but not quite, no. No, not quite. So they drive off to say they leave all the other satanic human sacrifices there, I guess. Yep. Right? None of their business. But.

Yeah, other business. Who knows if there's other girls that are alive in those bear, other bear, like I have. They're right, they're barrels. And he doesn't even check the other fucking bear. Yeah, he's not like, oh, well, there's a live one in this one. Solid chance, there's an alive one in the other ones. But now we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll get out of here.

I don't want to push my lucky hands. They're walking away into the sunset. We just hear dun dun dun. Hello. Yeah. And he was like, uh, corpses are scary. I don't want to risk opening another one. Yeah, right. And that first one, man, that was taco shits, I you. Who knows, right? Who knows what I'm gonna smell by open another one. Okay, so we cut back to Billy Baldwin and wouldn't you know what the administrator is there and he ain't no fucking preacher burdened by conscience. So he just kills the motherfucker that David A.R. White hadn't killed. Yeah, he picks up his cell phone. He's like, will there be a sequel? Oh, yes. There will be a sequel. Yeah. I like, first off, it's just such a bold fucking choice to be like, I'm David Erwaite, I'm pureflex, I'm gonna get a fucking sequel. So we might as well just film this

ending. And it was literally like the phone call happens and it was it was literally as if that guy was just like what you just said that guy was like I'm going to be in the sequel. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, it's such and this is such a lazy ass way to do the movie, right? So the whole movie is that he finally has the pathos or whatever it any decides not to go through with the fucking killing, but then the movie doesn't emphasize to go through it to killing anyway. So we still get to get the revenge. That's so fucking lazy

and stupid. Anyway, all right. Well, and that's the end of the movie. We finally get to the credits. We made it the whole way. Luke, thank you again so much for suffering alongside us today. A quick before we let you go, what's the best way to see faith based if our listeners are dying to oh man well thanks for having a guys that was uh... a blast and beckman is really something uh... the faith based is uh... faith that you can faith bases out basically anywhere that you can rent your buy a movie so all your

iTunes and amazon and voodoo and xbox wherever you can go rent a movie uh... you can go see faith basedbased. I can't get... Is it on Pure Flicks? Yeah, anywhere but Pure Flicks. We actually have Christ Flicks in our movie and we have many posters with things like Jesus Plows and High-Risk Higher Purpose, which is like our firefighter movie. Oh nice, nice.

I can't guarantee you'll love it, but I can guarantee you it's better than Beckman. Oh, no. Oh, no. I will also also say I'm not in favor whatsoever of stealing movies because I know how these but I you know every time somebody rinse our movie for for 399 it actually makes a difference but I will say I did not want to pay for Beckman and I and I'm so technically not savvy that I couldn't even figure out how to steal it. So I bought the 599. I gave 599 to Pureflix to watch this movie. All right, so he is earned money listeners.

Yeah, you get a written faith based. Yeah, let's get him his 599 back at the very least. You owe him. The A2O was worth it for that flame though. That was true. That's true. That's true. All right, and that's going to do it for our review of Beckman. That is not going to do it for the episode just. That was, that's true. That's true. That's true. All right, and that's gonna do

for our review of Beckman. That is not gonna do it for the episode just yet though because we still need to set up a trailer, resource pieces to lead you to next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, it's that time of year, which means we're gonna start up 2020's Christmas Tagular! Oh God, then, okay, fine.

And we're beginning this year's Christmas Tagular with an original release on Netflix, Christmas tag. Yeah. Oh, God. Okay. Fine. And we're beginning this year's Christmas tag. With an original release on Netflix, Dolly Partens Christmas on the square. All right. I like Dolly partying that. She cured COVID. Yeah. I'll probably like that to be honest.

Yeah. She may have cured COVID, but she's still not good at her job. I promise. All right. So with that to look forward to we're to bringing up episode 275 to one more of us. We'll close once again a huge thanks to Luke Barnett and somehow even huge of thanks to all our Patreon donors to help make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash god awful. And they're my honor, and it's just to add every version of every episode. You can also help a time by leaving a five star review and sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows and scanning a DSI T-TND-D-Mine is in the scam program available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating aDS citation data, D&D minus in the scam program, available wherever podcast lip.

If you have questions, comments, or send them at a suggestion, you can email gotoffamiliesandgmail.com. Legal services with this podcast provided by the law, if this is a P&R retours, Tim Robbins and takes over our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Salotti and people with traps on Mars. All of the music was written and performed by our already-entered Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a trigger life this week for Heath and Wright and Eli Bosley .

I'm an illusionist, promised to work hard to earn all the chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Thirty sex traffic young girls continue being sex slaves, despite meeting the Christian protagonist of the movie. Right? William Billy Baldwin eventually made his way back to the small apartment he shares with his brother daniel he looked up at the frame backtrack hungoff center about their couch and he began to quietly

david a r-white went on to be pretty sure he was young enough to keep doing flight but not his marriage. That's it. Oh. Oh. That's the dumbest thing. You know it was originally back. Right? And they were like, do that so much to work. What about Batman? That's too close to that.

It's name cannot be. It's not a Batman moment for sure. Batman. I could really let that ring He's not a Batman moment for sure. Well, he was a Batman. I could really let that ring off the tongue like they do with Batman. Shmat man. Nope. No. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020 all

rights reserved.