God Awful Movies - 283: Hearts are Trump

Episode Date: January 19, 2021

On this week's episode, Thomas Smith of Opening Arguments joins us for an atheist review of Hearts are Trump, the story of a very, very sad little old man who was really, really sure Trump was gonna win again. But he was wrong. And so he's even sadder now. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ Check out more from Thomas on Opening Arguments or Serious Inquiries Only or Philosophers in Space.

So this is obviously Donald J Parker was like, I can get on the on the Google and find out what the football talk would be. There you are Clemson and they've got it one second. Let me write this down fresh man. Oh, I hope he's okay. Quarter back must be Jewish. Oh, he's a red shirt. I thought they weren't allowed to say that anymore. Okay

I got no Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be of us will never be on the show together again. At the same time, but sitting nine hundred miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm a fucking amazing no, okay. Well, I'm going to take you down a fucking peg then because if this was all good for you, then it was at my expense, but not just my expense. We have a gas mask is with us this week. Thomas Smith is the co-host of opening argument. Serious inquiry is only ant philosophers in space. And he's also really really is with us this week. Thomas Smith is the co-host of opening argument serious inquiries only and philosophers

in space and he's also really really pissed at us right now. Thomas, welcome back. Hi. You ever almost getting a car crash that's your fault with someone and an afferer, you're trying to make small talk. That's what this podcast with Thomas should be. Oh, that 16 wheeler did not stop. Huh? I thought for sure. You said you need to be. They were on their side of the road though. Yeah. In this analogy. Yeah. And Elon was not on our side of the road. Yeah. So why would why would he have stopped?

Why would he've stopped? He's just driving. He's just driving on his side. Okay. Yeah. Speaking of which Thomas, which lane are we in today? Well, we watched a terrorist training video that I assume the FBI let you borrow or something. I don't know if you guys are working with them or what, but it's called hearts are Trump. And it follows several characters who go from not supporting Trump to stealing Nancy Pelosi's lectern. Yeah.

Yeah. By the end of the movie. Yup. They are all in an Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you're tired of a classic movie trope of conservative old timers who just don't understand the kids these days

and you'd like to see a movie from their perspective. You love this. It's the first three-fourths of Footloose from John Lithgauss Point of the Year. Yeah, oh, it's Donald James Parker. It's Gramps. We're going back to the, I can't tell you which is more depressing to me.

The fact that we have now watched six of Donald James Parker's movies. Oh my God. Or the fact that there are still eight that we haven't watched. Hehehehe. And he's still making him. He's still making him. Oh, you know, right? This one came out in October. Yeah, and very

Obviously didn't come out in November. We'll get there. Well, when your movies are just improvised Here's the best of what I can recall from a Facebook argument. I won't You're able to actually pump them out pretty fast Yeah, this was all done last year, all at least. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if they were able to make this in real time, like just before the election and turn it around. I don't know, seven days or so.

Well, if they were making it as we were watching it, I wouldn't have been all that surprised. Yeah. I noticed that didn't have an ending time in the stream thing. It just was like, keep, you know, it was just going and then eventually they stopped streaming it to it. I think that's right. All right. And by the way, so for the record for listeners at home who don't recognize the name Donald James Parker or even Gramps, the other movies that he was in that we've done are right to believe. Gramps goes to college, the unexpected bar mitzvah love weights

and one more round. That could literally be a list of the worst movies we've ever watched, right? Yep. Mm hmm. So did I do unexpected bar mitzvah? Did I just listen to you guys do that? I don't feel like you can do any of those with us. I don't know if it was that one, but yeah. Okay. I think you've seen him before. I think you've encountered grams before. I think you've encountered Gramps before. I've noticed with my therapist that sometimes what I do with this is I just block him out holding Heather. Yeah, I just just make my own reality in which this was all a dream. And I have to do this.

So forgive me if I don't remember which Gramps movie I fucking watch. So I was speaking to which it's time for the best worse than I'm going to start this one out. I because this is the obvious one here. Best worst three months of aging. Right, because okay, so we'll talk about it. Obviously we get it in the movie, but over and over and again in this movie that's like, well, it's not us that starting riots and breaking windows and things over and over in this movie. I haven't seen anything age this bad, this fastness that Nazi dude chose poorly. It's fucking fantastic. It is prophetic in its ironic. Yes. Oh, right. They might as well ended every scene with a blank screen and then like the narrator like starting to say and they did you know

They would go on to break when I'm gonna go with best best best best best best best best These people are sad now Best, best, best, best. These people are sad now. Two percent. Yes. Every time I hated this movie, which was every second of every minute of this movie, I got to remind myself how sad and powerless every single person associated with this fucking

movie is how their month and year is ruined. They're just every day they wake up, and I get a big boner from it. I know that makes me harder than Donald James Parker. Oh, yeah, but fully half of them can't fly anymore. It's just lovely. My best worst is, you know, I know this applies to so many of the movies that I've done on here and that you guys do where they do the apologetic argument terribly and then the other, the atheist is always represented in the dumbest way.

But I thought Jesus wasn't Lord or something. It's the best worst that, but the problem, I didn't realize how lucky we had it when it was just about some obscure Jesus ebulshitit that, you know, maybe you don't, you maybe you guys know, but like, I'm not going to encounter my everyday life. This is that, but with arguments I encounter every fucking day, and it's a dumb down version of them delivered in the worst acting way in the world. I will tell you, this is a true story. I was watching this.

I had to watch this in halves. I couldn't do it all at once. I watched the first step, and I had to take a break. I listened to a podcast, turned it on a podcast in between that. And for the first 10 minutes of this podcast, I thought the people were fake in the podcast. Like the movie is so fake with the arguments that I, my brain was like, oh, so this person is just saying this in a fake, like devil's advocate way. Like I genuinely, it was, I knew what it was like to oh, so this person's just saying this in a fake like devil's advocate way.

I genuinely, I knew what it was like to think everybody's lizards. It was like that for a second. I thought like, well, nobody really means anything they say because these actors are so bad saying the worst arguments. I almost lost my mind because of this movie. So that's, that's how I'm doing everybody. That's worse that. That's what I'm saying. That's where whatever that is. It's good thing we don't have a word for

that actually. I'm a big idiot. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, we have a two hour all caps Facebook screen to break down. So we're gonna need a break first, but we're gonna be back in a minute with all the and another things that are... Hearts are Trump. I don't know, 33 marshmallows? That's physically impossible. I'm telling you, man, they shrink when you get them in there. Hey, guys, you ready to record? Oh, my Jesus, dude.

Thomas, man, are you okay? Oh, what this? Yeah, yeah, I guess the last few years it made me a little tense. This is how I walk now. Are those your butt muscles? Yeah, they've been like that since the Mueller report. Tom, have you thought about getting a TheraGun? What's a TheraGun?

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Oh, right. But they feel amazing. Yeah, total tension blaster, really good. And best of all, you can try the Theragun for 30 days, starting at only $199. Go to Theragun.com slash awful right now and get your gen for Theragun today. That's Theragun.com slash awful. Theragun.com slash awful. Theragun.com slash awful. All right guys, I'm sold.

Now let's get to this recording. Okay. Question, can you physically sit in a chair right now? I'm gonna need three chairs and some duct tape, but yeah. Do you want me to try to- Don't touch. Okay. All right everyone, welcome to the first writers meeting for hearts are Trump

And by everyone I mean me Donald James Parker Anyway, any ideas me. Yes. I saw a YouTube video today that really blew my noodle ditch Asher did gonna make a movie about it. Are you? Yep? I Need some young people from my church to repeat my great ideas Of course good. We can do that and then I'll need to reenact all the conversations I had with my wife about the YouTube video I saw and Ooh, I guess I'll get a black guy to tell me about how Donald Trump isn't racist and then well, and then I'll give one or two more speeches Just you know. I would have I want randomly inserted into a film that otherwise has nothing to do with

my character. That sounds good to me, Donald. Yep, three cheers for Donald. Great idea, Donald, Donald, Donald. I learned a fig nude and ummm, figgy. So, figgy. Now, Donald, don't get lost in the sense of the flesh with that big newton you hear. Oh, I hear you, Donald. I do hear you. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna open up on the title screen that woulda looked cheap and shitty in 1987.

Yeah. Yeah. 1995 Windows Solidarist, like, come on, guys, little effort. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And we're gonna open up on like, I don't know, three or four minutes of standing 25 feet away from a TV,

watching a guy tell us about the dream he had about Jesus. Who do we fuck Noah? Who do we fuck? We're actually, sorry, I wrote that note before, I fully realized what we were watching. What we're actually watching is a guy talk about the five hours he spent in heaven talking to Jesus specifically about the 2020 election. Yeah, I did the movie start.

Did it start? I just might know for like five minutes, I was like, is this the, did I, am I watching someone watch the movie? Is this the movie? Which is, this is a really cheap way to pirate this thing. I, you guys, And by the way, speaking of that, there are,

so we are watching people watch TV. Yes. Kind of. And the TV, there are jump cuts in the TV, which means they did edits to the video of the video. They could have just edited the video before putting it on the TV and they're filming that, but they did. They're after.

I got TV moves for a bit. It's amazing. Well, I got to tell you, the third time that they cut to Donald James Parker and the old lady that's supposed to be his wife, like looking a slack jaw at one another. I fucking lost it. They just kept playing it over and over again. Gun to my head, I couldn't tell you, like my wrote these notes as I was going through. Gun to my head, I don't know if they're supposed

to think this guy is fucking nuts or if they love him. I didn't know it was like, oh, are they the characters that are not believing this or are they like loving it? I fucking don't know. I have no idea. It was amazing. Yeah. And by the way, I noticed this right away

and this like I want to point this out because this bothered me the entire movie. I had to rent this thing on Vimeo and the entire time on the top right there's a little icon that says you rented this and it looks so accusatory and mad at me. It's like a scarlet letter or something. Brownie face emoji in the corner.

We will always know. That's seriously like a telltale heart. Like I genuinely felt morally, I'm still beating myself up about the 399 that I gave these people. Oh yeah. I've been pouring schemes. I can I steal 399 back from them. Oh, Donald James Barthain. can I steal 399 back from them. Oh, Donald James Parker.

Can I beat 399 out of them? Can I go hold him up, but just be like, I just want exactly $3. I don't care what you have on your desk. I will give you a change. Yeah, I brought change. We should clarify what this is because it's so fucking beautiful and important

because Donald James Parker, creator of the unexpected bar mitzvah and Gramps goes to college saw Kevin Zadi who I will talk about in a second appear on Sid Roth's YouTube show gets supernatural and was so moved by both Kevin Zadi and what he had to say that he made a two hour long movie about it. Well, no, he made a two hour long movie about his dumbass granddaughter not listening to him when he told her to watch it. You know what? That's fair. That's fair. It's intentionally related. So you might be thinking, Eli, who's Kevin Zadi? I'm glad you asked podcast listener. Kevin Sedai claims with very little evidence that he died during

a routine dental procedure. And while he was dead, he went to heaven and spent five hours in heaven with Jesus. And Jesus taught him to play the soprano saxophone. Yes. That's who that's the spy here to this movie. And by the way, we'll put the link in the show notes. If you go to the Sid Roth show where he makes this appearance, the reason why there's a big ol' fucking edit is because there is a three minute and 14 second long infomercial for the $35 you can pay to Sid Roth for Kevin Zedai's book Audio tapes and most importantly music CD of the music he learned from Jesus

While he was dead and in that Infomercial they claim that if you listen to that CD you will be able to communicate with the angel with the angel. We could do an entire God of a movies on the infomercial in the middle of this clip. I just got a hand at you. I'm like, you know, people are always trying to sell you on their shitty band, but like he really took that to the next level. Right. That's a way to get your goddamn demo CD in their hands.

So yes, so they watched this. They're entirely convinced, right? So grandma picks up her cell phone and dials it in the least cell phone way possible without using a rotary die. Yeah, I wrote down, I'm calling the TV. I'm not sure, I don't know what she was doing. Well yeah, and so she's calling her granddaughter

who apparently she doesn't have saved in the phone. She dials a 10 digit goddamn number on her phone. Yeah. And she's like, hey, you have to watch this terrible Jesus dream video that I just saw about the dental soprano saxophone guy. What do you mean? Fuck me.

How would I even fuck my own face? It doesn't make sense. And the dialing sound effect is done with the same precision that we've come to expect from this movie already. Or she's doing her finger on the phone. It's we're not. Why is Jesus teaching supreme? Why is he telling us on a Jesus taught you to play something? Why not like a harp or a, I don't know, a loot. It's something Jesus see like. Jesus.

Oh Jesus. But yeah, as Noah mentioned, she calls the grand, it's their movie. I know I say that a lot, but I will say it even more. In their own movie, she's like, honey, would you watch this television be in your grandpa's saw? No, what about for some cinnamon roll? So, yeah, so they bribe granddaughter into watching the video.

That'll come back. But first we have to watch the two of them have this bizarre conversation that starts with like Donald James Parker said, you know, there was this Abraham Lincoln meme that I saw on Facebook. I wrote that down because I'm still in the process again because I blocked these things out and I don't remember any of this. I'm hoping this is a parody. Like I'm always I'm rooting for this to be a perfect amazing parody.

And if it is, this is one of the greatest jokes ever conceived of. The guy who I guess wrote this movie you're telling me says, you know, I just recently saw a paraphrasing of an Abraham Lincoln quote that went something like this. Yeah. So he's paraphrasing a paraphrasing of an Abraham Lincoln in his own movie. Really had you know, it's best there. And then he wrote his wife aligned to say, well, what a deep and close to what Abraham Lincoln probably said thing to say. Yeah. Oh my god, we're watching

the fucking Facebook will take ownership of all your videos at midnight movie. That's what I like. And then there's this great moment where the grandma, she's gonna throw out a little analogy here. She's like, you know, Donald Trump is like George Bailey. And he's the only thing keeping America from turning from Bedford Falls to Potter'sville.

Just a bunch of crickets coming in and they go like, now, is it now for us? And then Donald James Parker turns to the wife and goes, you know, that's not a bad analogy that I wrote for you to say in this movie. And then for me to agree with him. I want the confidence of Donald James Parker just for a day. But Felix Felicia's potion, I just want to be as confident in Donald James Parker writing

about himself for himself. I'm surprised you haven't worked this into a skit where like I'm saying like, God, Eli, your penis is so big. It's incredibly large. It's a great point. Large. That's a great point, Thomas. Is it? You're trying to do big Eli?

Do you know, like, two unwieldy? So, yeah, they're talking about, basically, they're talking about all the dangers that the Democrats will bring if they win the election. Of course, this was all made to try to sway people into the Donald Trump category because so many undecided voters would be watching it. I'm sure. Yeah. And one of the lines here, Donald James Ferguson's, yeah, but if we talk about this, this being, you know, the guy who died spent five hours learning, you know, getting saxophone lessons from Jesus, if we talk about this, people will call us insane. And I'm like nailed it. We're only five minutes in and you got one right, man.

I just want to point out how much you have to already know to know what the fuck is supposed to be happening in this movie. Because what I saw when they when we watch someone watch TV, which was just an interview on someone else's show, which was the first 10 minutes of me, what all he said, like I was trying to figure out what was supposed to have swayed them, you know, like what's the first 10 minutes of me. What all he said, like I was trying to figure out what was supposed to have swayed them, you know, like what's the message? And it's just the guy was like, I think China's gonna take over us.

Like that's it, like there's nothing, there's nothing there. And then we're to believe that they were so compelled by this. So like, get the granddaughter on the phone. We've started a revolution here. Yeah. Honey, get up the secret cinnamon roll recipe. This is a make a break moment for our country history.

And by the way, right after he says they are going to call us crazy, here is his exact line. Oh, please. The enemy of our souls is the master of deception. Yes. If you were talking about Satan, Prince of Darkness, that's a crazy thing to say. If I was having a conversation about the mythical Satan with a Christian and I was like, and would you say he's the enemy of your soul and the master of deception?

They'd be like, oh, no, man, that's a villain in a cartoon you watched. He's so much acid before you come to me. Yeah. Follow up the, they're going to think we're crazy line with a reference to the goat monster that's trying to trick you into master baiting. Well done. And then we go, Godwin, for the first time, they point out that if Biden voters were in charge back in 41, the Nazis totally would have won.

I know I always have notes like this when I do this show, but never have they come this early. Like, I'm telling you, never have my I quit, fuck you, fuck you. Like, I'll send you screenshots. I just fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I quit. First scene. First scene. We're not even.

Oh, this was a brutal, brutal watch. It was so fucking hard. And then, okay, so then they have a conversation and please feel free to correct me if you don't think I'm selling this correctly. On whether or not it's time to take up arms if Biden wins. Yeah. Yes.

And the answer, spoiler alert, is not no. No, it's definitely maybe. Yeah, and I love it because they simultaneously are ready to take up arms all of a sudden because one guy said China, like that was all it was, but also he, he also tries later on the movie, he tries to play it like, you know, four years ago, I didn't know who was what in the election. Like I just thought everyone was a good person. Like, which is it?

Yeah, really? Okay. Yeah. And I love that Donald J. Parker has to fucking head just bets and admit that he's a pussy who makes movie love letters to himself about himself. He turns to the wife and he's like, you know, I'm a lover, not a fighter. And I wrote my notes. That's right, everyone.

Donald J. Parker fucks and he wants you to know. All right. So now we cut to granddaughter. So granddaughter and mom are there and they're talking to Donald James Parker and granny. Yeah. And if you're wondering how it's going, grandma's first line in this scene is just because someone is paranoid. Doesn't mean that someone isn't out to get them. Yeah, and because like the granddaughter and they're saying stuff like, oh, you, these conspiracy theories.

And I'm running down again in all caps. I don't know what happened, but this entire note section is all caps. I know what happened. It's not even a conspiracy theory. Tell me what the theory is. Right. They didn't tell me anything. Right.

They just had a guy. It was like I died in China. And I'm like, what is the, what? Let me in on the movie. Like I would love, it would be a compliment to call what you're saying a conspiracy theory. That would be an upgrade. I don't know what the fuck this is. It doesn't even rise to the level of

concern. It really is the Republican party, not even bothering to put out a platform in movie form. It really is. Yep. Wow. Well done. So, but the grandma decides to come to the defense of the guy who got a saxophone lessons from Jesus and she says, did you notice the way that he was laughing and smiling and saying people don't laugh and smile. Not for the last time in this movie. This is the defense. Oh my God, it's so eye opening. This is the defense whenever somebody questions like, wow, you sound like a fucking nut job, the protagonist will be like, yeah, but did you see that they were a good speaker?

Yes. They were articulate. You're like, what the fuck? Right. That's the best you can do in your movie. That's the best you can do. And then there's this great moment where we see how like what level of apologetics we're going to get. Because like the granddaughters says, okay, grandma, if this is so important, why doesn't your omnipotent God take care of it? Why is he like making you talk me into it? And she's like, well, why didn't God kill Hitler, honey?

Like, well, yeah, there's another great way your worldview falls apart. I guess we didn't get this conversation at all. What was your point, grandma? Grandma, do you think Joe Biden is Hitler? No, I just think God doesn't like him the way God didn't like Hitler. Literally, now I'm going to say the words freedom isn't free because I'm an idiot. Oh, we got 90 Hitler references, Holocaust references.

And one of them was, I think the granddaughter says like, oh, you just been watching too much Fox News. And then the grandma or somebody or a gram, well, at a certain point during this scene, all of a sudden the grandpa is there. Yeah. What's the name? It appears like the ghost of Christmas past. Yes. It just appears.

And Lydia watched maybe the first 10 minutes of this before. I think she left me. I actually haven't heard from this. But this was one of the parts she saw and was like, where did he come from? Oh, it was so big. It was so fun. He probably was like manning the camera for the first part or something and then you're

lying in the seat. But anyway, she says like, well, how would you know what's on Fox News? You refuse to watch it. And then they get an argument about like, well, Fox News is crazy. And she says, well, I think that about CNN. And then the mom tries to take the like centrist like, well, I think they're both crazy. And I just want to ignore them. And then the like, well, I think they're both crazy. And I just want to ignore them. And then the grandma, I wish I were making this up. She says, like

that worked out for the Jews in the 40s or what? Yes. And the Jews ignored CNN and Fox. The Jews ignored two sources of cable news in the 40s. That's what went wrong. Really? Her actual line is quote, that worked really well for the Jews while Hitler was doing his thing. Yes. Was there a fucking line? And by the way, that is by my count, the fifth God win in the first 10 minutes of

the film. Yes. Yes. Is it the last? No, no, no, I think we keep that batting average up. I don't know why I said that. I know I know I do. All right. So you're probably thinking to yourself, like, well, I'd love to hear these people's thoughts on Black Lives Matter protests. Thomas, I will pay you for your notes during the second of the movie. Oh my God.

It was just all caps kind of repeating what they said. At certain point, they're like, follow the money. The grandpa dude says like, well, follow the money. And then the in one of the few lines in the movie that isn't totally fucking stupid, the granddaughters like, who's making money from the protests? What are you talking about? And then the guy says, unless they've been hired by someone to protest. Yes, so let's do the paid rabble. And you're like, does that answer the question of who's making money? Like, where's the money making part of it?

I get it. Yeah, right. Someone's for, where the, well, and then grandma, grandma somehow manages to make it even worse. She says, why are there no protests to end sex trafficking? Yeah. This is my favorite line of grandma's in the entire movie.

She's talking about Black Lives Matter. And this is what she says. People are mad about slavery, but not about literal exact quote, people being enslaved to provide sex toys for birth. Every line, Donald James Parker writes is like close. It's the lizard people English. You know, it's not quite that one was so bad.

I almost detected a look from Donald J. Whatever of like, I didn't write that. That was. And she improvised that one. Yeah, so that's definitely all her on that one. Oh my God. And then, and then she says, and why are there no protests against all the black babies that die in abortions? I'm like, yeah, we're all the protests against abortion.

We don't have any of those. Nope. Too easy to get an abortion in this country. Nobody has anything. You walk right in and yeah, it's greeted as liberator. I don't know. All right. So now we have another character to meet.

We have to meet granddaughter's dad, who I just, we saw this character and I'm like, well, there's an actor that beats this wife. I mean, I don't know. But as an actor that beats this wife. It's a good bet. It's a good bet. Yeah. Well, and that's the character they I mean, I don't know. But as an actor that beats his wife, okay, it's a good bet. It's a good bet. Yep. Well, and that's the character they give him to, right? She walks in and he's like, maybe something to eat. And she's like, fuck you in the scene.

And so you're saying it's the role he was born to put. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. All right. So granddaughter goes to hang out with her evil socialist Biden voter friends. And this is when we're going to meet Troy, the Trump supporter love interest for her. This is also where I texted Eli and Thomas and said, Hey, let me know when you're done watching this so I can report it to Vimeo for the anti mask bullshit. Oh, yeah. Yep. Cause the first thing they talk about when Troy shows up

is he's like, you guys are wearing masks, huh? And she's like, yeah, Abby really cares about masks. And he's like, yeah, I guess I would care about masks except, you know, they don't work. You know, the virus of COVID-19 is way smaller than the holes in a mask. And she was like, it's crazy Troy that you know something that all of medicine doesn't.

Yep, that's fucking amazing. You must have watched a lot of YouTube videos, huh Troy? Jesus. But they can't even, by the way, when they do that scene, Abby, if that is her name, is not wearing her mask. Nope. So like they can't even portray that part, right? Like that she cares about masks and black lives matter and all that.

She's like, Abby really cares about masks. You know, pan over to the mask sitting in like a fucking garbage can. Exactly. So picking up dog shit with it, throwing it away or something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So they do some anti-masks. And we should point out too that like these are supposed to be like college kids. Right?

Oh, yeah. The granddaughter Abby, she's like 32. One of the Detroit is like, I don't know, he can pull off college. The buddy that he's with is like 51. 55. It's fucking great. It's hilarious. And it doesn't help that like my note was like, Hey, some joggers from the 90s. Like, doesn't hold their fashion is 30 years old. Like, they come in with a, Hey, fellow youths. Yeah. He's trying to turn the park bench around backwards. So yeah. so the two friends wander off and leave Abby and Troy together, right? So that they can have a meet cute about how he really gets Donald Trump and old folks and how America used to be great.

And she doesn't. Oh, this conversation is so fucking amazing. Here's the steps this conversation takes podcast listener with no gaps. Do you ever fight with your parents? No, I honor and respect my elders. Are your grandparents cool? They are wild with anger at the thought of trans people. Yep. That's the conversation literally is. What are your grand pairs like they hate the trans? Here's what I wanted to pick up from this, which is they get into that argument. You're right. The harsh transition to anti-trans stuff. And so the guy who is like a gay, also homophobic

Andy Sandberg character, it's like a, it would be pretty offensive. Honestly, if he did it, but it's kind of that's what he looks like. And he rattles off these arguments. He's like, they're letting kids change their sex when they're seven. And then he asks, he says this, what were your hopes and dreams when you were seven to the girl? And she rattles off a list of things every single one of which would have been better than being in this movie. It's like you might as well be in a snuff film and say, man, how dumb were you when you were seven? She's like, yeah, I wanted to be like an archaeologist idiot. One hundred and seven year old. Anyway, let's proceed with this snuff film.

Now you know better, don't you? Well, he's, he's like talking about the push to make kids experiment with homosexuality at just seven and eight years old. I'm like, yeah, man, that's just the thing preachers do. We're all against that. That was just you, man. And for the last time, you need to report that gym teacher. And then he says, I don't know.

I think I was born late. I should have been around in the 1950s. You know, pre-civil rights. If someone says they belonged in a generation pre-civil rights, they're a racist and they don't belong in any generation. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, but she's fascinated and she'd like to learn more about the lizard people so the two of them are gonna go on a date And so now Donald James Parker and he like butts his way back into the movie like Tom cutting into a conversation in a conference or something

And he's decided that he's gonna call together a meeting of all the city's pastors So that they can discuss how they should all support Trump First Amendment be damned. Oh, it's so good because I guess his pastor, unless Donald James Parker is his own pastor, which I would be 0% surprised. He's supposed to give a moving speech, but it's Donald James Parker's movie dammit. So he he gets up meaning nothing and as a character with no interest and he's just like, my turn to talk now. Property was destroyed. Yeah.

What I love about this is that their movie, they're advocating to commit crimes. Like they're literally, hey, all you pastors, let's go advocate for who to vote for in your churches. Yeah. The one thing we're not supposed to do, but churches are never punished. So we do it anyway.

They don't give a fuck. They don't even care. They're making a movie about how they should all break the law and violate their fucking 501, see, whatever thingy. And it doesn't matter. Yeah. It doesn't matter. No, and the movie is about what a bunch of pussy's, the pastors who don't do that are. I just want to note that I hope everyone in this small, huddled gathering of pastors died of COVID. Well, it was such good news.

I promise because white group of maskless people and we should point that out that like throughout this entire movie virtually everyone will be maskless. This was all made in like September of last year. Yeah, except for one guy. Yes. Sometimes wears a mask kind of. They're like, they're like, should we cover? Yeah.

Yeah. Should we cover our bases in case there are some, you know, fucking fundamentalist criminal terrorists that were recruiting who might also kind of like masks. Yeah, sure. Why don't you wear one for a quarter of two scenes inexplicably? And they're like, that covers it. I know this was an accident, but this guy is in multiple scenes, either wearing or not wearing a mask. And he's only ever wearing a mask when a person of color is talking to the girl. mask and he's only ever wearing a mask when a person of color is talking to the girl. So the subplot that I had going was this guy was like, oh, black guy, black guy.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So speaking of which, yeah, so they're all leaving the meeting and black preacher stays behind to I think explain to them that he doesn't want to support a racist and Donald Trump is a racist, but everything is, first of all, the lines are just insane. And then they dub about half of what he says and they have a white guy come in and say

some shit and stash. 100% what actually happens. I need to clarify, we are not exaggerating. The black actor on mic goes, gentlemen, thank you for having me, but and then it switches to a guy going, I appreciate your opinion dog, but yes, thank you for having me. I'm Donald. And his mouth is still moving differently from that. Yeah. And then it gets back to it. And there's no effort made to make sure

that the voice lines up with the guy's lips moving at all. And then we cut back long enough for him to say, all right, well, I hope you guys think about that. No, yeah, we sure will. We sure will. Yeah, here's what I love about this. You fucking idiots are already, God, this movie.

They're already huddled in a tiny room without masks. So that means you're already onuddled in a tiny room without masks. So that means you're already on the same dumb ass fucking side already. You might as well have filmed a scene at a KKK rally where one guy takes his hood off and is like, guys, I hear your arguments, but I'm just like convinced that the right right race is actually the best. I don't believe you. I don't.

You're already there. I think we know where you stand. Oh, she said, and by the way, we should point out that in the course of this scene, we hear all about how you can't trust the Democrats because their protesters started riots and broke windows. Yep. And we hit one person specifically talks about how he's concerned that people who have power will be hesitant to give up that power.

Again, but they're presenting these as reasons you wouldn't want to let vote for a Democrat in both. Age like a fine wine. And also, there's this great moment where there's this not the worst white explaining moment in the movie, but the first real good white splitting moment where the white pastor points out to the black pastor that yes, yes, yes, he's against real racism, but not this silly crap BLM is marching against, right?

He explains what real racism is to the black man. Finally, someone who explained it to the black guy. Keep begins this explanation with the sentence, look, you are my black brother. There is literally no set of words in the English language that makes sense. Unless your mom had sex with an African American, the offspring was African American and you are not. And you are now pointing that out to him for no reason whatsoever. Yeah, or like, and you just did a 23 in me and like knocked on his door and said,

look, you're my black brother. That's what they all would be. Pretty goddamn awkward. Why would you say black? You're right. You know what? It still doesn't work. There is no combination of things that makes that sentence work

Unless the black guy didn't yet know he's black You're the for the first time he realized he was black. That's the only way it makes it and the pastor in his hand Wraithing about racism he, God is so sad about racism and then you realize this actor cannot think of any racism ever in history. So he goes, sad about racism, you know, all the whatever you people are pitching about. He likes that even. Well, I was so amazing about this scene is the way that it ends is that the black picture just leaves. He doesn't say, uh-huh. He doesn't agree or anything. He doesn't nod. He just turns away and walks off camera. Yep. And

then the two white people exchange a look of black people. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. We tried. We really tried. There's only so much you can do with the. Some people are just unreasonable. Yeah. So, okay. So speaking of unreasonable, now we're going to cut back to granddaughter. She's visiting with granny and Gramps. And she's softening up to their the lizard juicer coming from my crucifix argument now. Yeah, this is where we get the when was America great again. To which grandma responds, again, real quote, our track record with the Native Americans leaves a lot to be desired.

And the granddaughter at one point goes like, well, why is this all nodded all the kind of shit that they say in history class? But the point that Donald James Parker is making here is you don't learn about the truth in history class because your liberal, Cuck public school history, D-Trick curriculum is pushing their agenda to real quote, remove God from society. That is, in his words, the agenda of historians. The Texas people who called Moses

one of the founding fathers trying to remove God from society. Jesus, my sister is a historian. Her agenda is getting people to agree on how much rain damage constitutes truly legible when it comes to Colombian birth records, okay. Jesus, she doesn't have time to fight God. This wow. And then granddaughters going to ask, do you guys literally worship freedom and flags

and their answer will be. Yes. I would say no. It's not no. There was an amazing moment here too where he recommends a book for us. He's like, oh, you should read the book the long war against God. And I was like, you know, we were looking for another book to read unscathed. You know, you have a good movie when the movie has to start recommending other stuff to do rather than watch. If nothing, I'm saying makes sense pops up in the middle of tenet. You know, there's the new Star Wars movies. They're not good, but you know, P you, Tosin.

Just saying, if you're lost, you can flip over. And then, and then, Grand Daughter asks, Yeah. Do you mean Mortal Kombat? Yeah. Mortal Kombat. One is the exact word she used this. And Donald James Parker's answer is maybe I sure hope not.

It's not no. Yes, once again, not no. Yeah. Guys, be honest, do you think I could convince Donald James Parker to fight me? Absolutely. Absolutely guarantee that you could convinceald James Parker to fight me. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely guarantee that you could convince Stonald James Parker. Look, I know they're still making moral combats.

I know that, but we have to all agree that this is just Donald, whatever, James, whatever his name is like him thinking it's still 1993, right? Like, yeah, oh, yeah. He thinks this is a good reference for the granddaughter to make. Yeah. Or something. That was the young kids are into these days, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we have earned at least half a dozen breaks at this point. So we're going to take one of them, but we're going to be back soon with even more hearts, our drum. So he exploded with laughter. Yeah, it takes him like a week and a half to reform. I remember when it happens, like a week and a half to reform, every when it happens.

Like a T 1000? Exactly. Yeah, but with Scotch instead of the silvery metal stuff. Good evening, gentlemen. Table for two. Yes, under smasnik, please. Weird that you did that with our names. Are you sure this is safe? Oh, eating at a restaurant? No. No, I am. With the gentleman care for an oxygen tank.

Oh, yes, please. T-dog, one oxygen tank, something. I'm good, Eli. If you want delicious fresh cooked meals, why don't you just try Hello Fresh? I'm sorry. What's Hello Fresh? It's America's number one meal kit. Hello fresh cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in about 30 minutes or less.

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We grow them on our chef's grave. Intense. Intense. But Thomas, what if I don't have time to cook? But you do have time to decontaminate. In the chamber, yeah. Well then you might want to try Hello Fresh's easy eats offering. It has tons of quick and easy meal solutions like oven ready and 10 to 20 minute meals perfect for your busy schedule. Yeah, Hello Fresh actually sent us a trial box and not only were the recipes delicious each meal had its own bag and unpacks in seconds so it made meal planning for the week of breeze. Sounds like it. All right Thomas I'm sold. How do I sign up?

Go to hello fresh.com slash awful 10 and use code awful 10 for 10 free meals including free shipping. Hello fresh.com awful 10 and use code awful 10 for 10 free meals including free shipping. HelloFresh.com, awful 10 and use code awful 10 for 10 free meals including free shipping. That's right. All right. Well, let's get decontaminated, huh? You guys want to hold your breath? Oh, yeah. For 30 minutes. Yep. I don't think I can do that. Yeah, I told you to go for the oxygen tank. So tell us about this boy of yours. So tell us about this boy of yours. Well, his name is Troy. Is he dreamy? Grandma behaves.

You know, it's probably going to be a race war. So where did you meet him? At the park. He's actually a friend. You know, only those who bear the whole armor will fight off the devil's horde. Camberlaces, Camberlaces friend. Oh, that's nice. What's she up to these days?

Well, it's actually pretty cool. You know, as a people, think Italians are white, but they're not. They just swar the Mediterranean's the lot of them. You'll find out we'll all see. Just getting your nursing degree. That's nice. Gotta save your poop in jars.

And we're back for more of this shit and in a strange knot of self-awareness, we're gonna rejoin this action in a bathroom. We're gonna meet a new character. This is Desmond and we're gonna meet him as he listens to the antifa subversives talking about how they're going to like cause some violence at the upcoming Black Lives Matter protest. How they are going to use the weapons offered to them by the Chinese government to kill a Christian biker gang coming into town. Yes, yes, that's exactly the plot point that we're gonna open. This movie keeps getting crazier. How does it do that? And if you're wondering, hey, are we ever ever? Ever going to come back to this? No, no, we will not. Well, sort of we sort of will and it's honestly the high point of the film But you won't get to learn about that.

Also the camera, you know, the film is lucky that these people drank four gallons of gatorade before the scene because they have enough time to just pee for an hour and talk about their secret Chinese antifa plans and never be done. Well, but here's the thing. They're very clearly not being right because when they hear the other character flush the toilet, they both run off immediately. Their pants are done. They were just standing and saying, not forgetting no time to wash your hands, no time to

even have had your dick out in the first place. Like, they just run away from the urinal. Yeah. But this character, Desmond, he walks out in his girlfriend is out there waiting for him and he's like and he's I we should point out he's an African American character and he says to his girlfriend, I don't want to be here anymore. I just heard Antifa in there planning to murder some other fuckers and she's like, what's sometimes you got to murder some other fuckers? Come on. Don't be a pussy to rise up and kill white people. That's what we people say, right?

Is a lie that Donald James Parker wrote for a black woman to say. This is the beginning of what will be several hate crimes that I'm trying to find a way to report. I don't know whom whom to report them to. And he responds to that, he goes, I thought I knew you, but I'm not here to kill cops or get them fired. And what's fucking amazing about that is like, Donald James Parker somewhere underneath the massive, like personality disorder and dementia, knows that like Black Lives Matter

hasn't killed a bunch of cops. So he had to head shit in his movie with like, I'm not here to murder cops with ancient Chinese weapons or get their departments defunded and replaced with social services. I keep going down or lodge a complaint based on the badge number that I saw. He says, right down further. So, so, but she doesn't want anything to do with it. If he's not willing to kill cops for her,

he's not black enough. Is a line that Donald James broke her own profile. Like, I'm gonna say. Yeah. The line that, like, so, you know, they go their separate ways. And the line that I wrote down is, I'm not driving you home before I've done some protesting.

So she's like, find your own way home because I came here to protest and do all the thing that I that the author of the writer thinks black people would do and say and I'm not leaving until I've done my protesting. I'm just the fact that it didn't have a watermelon reference in this scene is amazing to me. Yeah. Oh. So Desmond Wonders off having broken up with his girlfriend now, and he runs into his conservative buddy Troy, the guy, the crush, the Donald Trump supporter crush from earlier.

And he's like, hey, can you give me a ride home? A point in the general direction of elsewhere to illustrate the point. And then we get what I think is this movie's worse scene. Oh, yeah, I think it's up there. It's up there. It's if you were to pick one to be the most offensive. Yeah. And to put into evidence when you're reporting a hate crime. It's going to be the one. It will be this one. It would be the one where the black man turns to the white man and starts to see it off by saying, yeah, what do you think of black lives matter and Donald Trump? Yeah.

Hey, my struggle here is a black man is I just haven't heard what a white Christian man thinks and I just need. Please tell me what you think. I don't. I'm lost. I don't know. Please tell me. I don't mean to put a burden on you, but yeah. Yeah. So

and and and choices and try like it to a scrunchie. He's like, well, let me start off by saying, I'm a big fan of you people. Black people are swell. Uh, you'd like me to name something I like about black people. I love how Christian you were while you were slaves. That's the problem that I can come. Continue to address the white man's religion. That's real. This is not a joke that Eli made. This is a real. No. And what is so hard about watching this is that you can tell that this really is this fucking boomer doing his best. So like, I'm, I'm going to reach across the aisle.

Yes. I'm going to solve race relations. Exactly. Exactly. Your people made really good slaves and stuck to a religion that is ours. Oh my. That's, that's how he goes into it. Okay.

He doesn't even say I really like your music. Yeah. It gets worse. It gets worse. It gets worse. You go ahead and take a moment and try and guess how it gets worse from I like that you state our religion while you were strong. You get strong. Whatever. You get strong. Did you perhaps guess that Troy doesn't really believe in police brutality. Yes, he goes, what do you think about police brutality? And Troy goes, well, being a cop is hard. And then there's a pause because that pause should be filled with.

So yes, sometimes they get to murder innocent people. And of course, well, if a black man's already asked what you think about Donald Trump and police brutality, his next question is clearly going to be about his goddamn welfare check. I shit you not. Those are the three topics he brings up in that order. He's like, but what about the way that republicans in donald trump are always a guest welfare for my people uh... on my god troy response by saying

sometimes i think black people are their own big is that of me yes uh... yes he gives the would be better of black people were just less lazy speech and then he points out that he can't be racist because he likes and these are his God damn examples. Alan West Ben Carson and Candace Owens. Yep. I think Thomas Saul or whatever is in there somewhere. And I wrote down in my notes in my funny little comedy notes as a joke. I bet he's going to tell you that he loves Uncle Tom next, but that's actually what happens.

What actually happens is that the black character goes, people call them Uncle Tom's and Troy, the white character goes, Uncle Tom is a compliment. I stood up and did a lap around my room. I did a joke around my room. I did I did a jog around my room. Not since I witnessed live on air Eli having to respond to James Lindsay defending the Disney crows. As actually the people the best characters ever and like that since then. Wow. anticipated. Oh, this could not get worse and less Troy than handed the African American

a Bible and asked him to read the slaves obey your master's passage. Oh my god. Why did you say it? Why did you have to say it? No, I wouldn't happen to be in that. Literally what happened?

It's he literally has him read Ephesians five through nine, which is the slaves serve your master's because once you're both dead, you're both in heaven. It's he literally has him read Ephesians five through nine, which is the slave, serve your masters because once you're both dead, you're both in heaven. I'm telling you, I don't know. Look, I called Andrew. I do, I'm freaking out during the scene because I'm like, do I have a duty to report this? Like, can you, I think some one of the amendments or the civil rights act means we can't just

watch this. I do like, are there not laws in this country? You can make this. But Thomas, weren't you paying attention? As Troy pointed out, some slave masters were actually very good to their slaves. Oh my God. I'm not kidding. Yeah, to which the black guy goes, that's a different way of looking at it. But I love it too because because fucking the author, the writer, screenwriter is like, well, I better put in a slight counter argument there. So the black guy goes, well, then sometimes the good master died. And then the next master was not as good. Yeah. Like, what's happening? I don't know. That's on Andrew Jackson.

That's not on him. A point counterpoint. Guys point counterpoint. Point some slaves had great lives counterpoint. Sometimes the good master died. Well, and then and then point that, well, hey, man, if we're not careful, we could all be enslaved by the Chinese and then black and white would be even, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's actually further than that. I think he says, look, if we get enslaved by Russia or China, I'll be a good and faithful slave. That's right. That is the point. I'll show you how good a slave I can be. And so he reads that he makes him, he forces him in a hostage video to read that Bible first.

And I was like, this is worse than my Bible podcast. So he had to read this shit. It's even worse. They made the black guy read this. Oh my God. And then I love the way this all ends, right? Because then Troy starts pointing out that in any minute, Antifa will start murdering people, like lying against the wall and shooting

them to which Desmond says in clarification, this is the actual quote, I went back three times to make sure I got this exactly right. Quote. So you think the Antifa dudes could just start killing and destroying property who would kill their own members who don't get involved with the killing? Sure seems that way. Sure seems that way. Sure seems that way. That's the actual exchange that happens in the bill.

Look, I just, I gotta take a second to make a broader point. Look, I know that we all know this, but like this is why fuck any both sides of bullshit. Just, yeah. Just any both sides of bullshit right? Because here's the thing, even this movie knows when this movie tries to summarize our arguments, it does so fucking horribly, but at least it describes things that we disagree with. So they'll be, so for example, they'll have the character be like, but what about the kids and cages, you know, and then they'll have some fucking

bullshit disagreement with it, but like, there are kids in cages. We all agree that that's a thing, but the movie isn't like, oh, no, that doesn't exist. It's a hoax made up by the way. No, the movie grants that there are kids in cages, but then it is okay with it. Yeah. Whereas when we're talking about what the, so that's what the left believes about the right, it's a thing that really happens. It's a real thing that everybody agrees on.

When the left, when the right is argue against the left, it's, Antifa is coming to ins, with the help of Russia and China is going to enslave your family and kill everybody who doesn't kill officer. It's like, what? We're not going to let you say, Mary Christmas and we're coming for your guns and yeah. Unbelievable. Oh my God. this is what they believe. There's no middle ground between, I think there's systematic racism in this country and a goat demon is trying to convince you to joke off.

Oh my God, it's, this is so hard to watch. Cause like these people aren't medically insane or you know, like they're just people, they're just people on the right who support Trump. And there's a lot of them. They're just people on the right and their votes mattered. Like their votes were counted.

Yeah, so depressing. Okay. And so we go back to Abby and her mom, granddaughter and mom, and they're going to church together, right? First, we have to have dad be an asshole again and tell mom to bring him up here. She's woman, right? He hasn't turned Christian yet. So he's an asshole. Yeah. But then we get this a great seat. Now, this is not the

first time in this movie that we've had two characters just sitting in a car because they don't know how to film a moving vehicle conversation. So it was become to me like the signature shot of a Donald James Parker movie. We watched these two characters sit in a car together for a very long time. Yeah. Talking about her new boyfriend. I have a very important question about this scene. None of it mattered to me, except for this very first dialogue where she's like, was dad charming and she goes, oh, he was charming. He'd charm your socks off while your shoes were still on, to which the daughter responds, ew, mom, don't talk about sex.

Yes. What? What? Because that would be naked at ankles That would definitely be when you're talking to your parents. That's the first assumption you want to make you want to sexualize Something that's not sexual that's very natural character choice. Yeah, but that's how they open this conversation with basically the whole like It was dad always terrible or did he used to be Christian conversation, right. Yeah, but that's how they open this conversation with basically the whole like, was dad always terrible or did he used to be Christian

conversation, right? Yeah, it's, the daughter does have to be like, hey, mom, how do I broach this topic? Was dad ever not a fucking abusive fuck face piece of shit? Right, right, she says, does any kind of treat you like a servant? She's like, do you know that one line about slaves of being their master? Oh, just do the last thing. Last. Okay. So the last. And the mom is like, well, the Bible says that I'm a fucking servant to that beer guzzling fucking douchebag. So yeah, I'm happy. I'm good with this arrangement. The

Bible tells me so. Yeah. Yeah. That she blames herself for how abusive and terrible her husband is. Yeah. And God, I lit you guys just live for the boomer trying to write the, the, the Millennial dialogue and what a generation she's supposed to be. She says, so they, you know, transition to talking about the Troy, just the boomer idea of the perfect man. Right. And she's like, I've been thinking about the prospects of marriage. Yeah. So everything in a, in a Donald James program will be as lizard English. Yeah. Right. And so the finally the mom's like, well, I think I should meet your boyfriend. You should invite him to dinner. And her daughter's like, well, are you sure that that's not going to beat you? And she's like, you know,

what? I don't care. I'm going to be ever so slight risk. We have to take it. Yes. Exactly. So it's time for Troy to meet the parents. He's going to start off saying the blessing. I should point out all these characters, join hands in the middle of the pandemic that they're meeting during. Oh, they might as well lick their hands and then lick them again after they pray. Do the old like making a deal thing where they spit on their hands. So yes, so does not do sure about this Troy guy, but then it turns out that he likes college football. So he's not a Democrat. Yeah. Apparently they bemoan that COVID shut

down everything college football, which I think we can agree is the worst part of COVID. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know if there's another one of these things where you just don't know because when non-humans make a movie, you don't know. Are they trying to play it off? Like Troy is just reading a Wikipedia entry on the dad's favorite football

team or is that just the acting and dialogue of the movie? I do not know. He's like, wow, what about their running back? Kailer from last season. I'm concerned about the up and coming freshman quarterback who is going and you're like, is he? So is this a joke? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'll never know. quarter back, who is going and you're like, is he? So is this a joke? Or is it? No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'll never know. Well, what's wonderful is this is again, great insight into DJP because having watched his movies, we know that Donald J Parker was a computer programmer until you needed to be smart to do that job. So this is obviously Donald J Parker was like, well, I can get on the

on the Google and find out what the football talk would be. There you are. Clemson. And they've got it. One second, let me write this down. Fresh man. Oh, he's okay.

Quarter back must be Jewish. Oh, he's a red shirt. I thought they weren't allowed to say that anymore. Okay. Red shirt. I got no, no. Eli has no fucking idea. Right. Yeah.

And during this scene, we get the dad offers him up after he's finally warmed up to him because of his Wikipedia reading abilities about his dad or whatever. He's a team. He offers him a beer and Troy says, no, thank you, Mr. Martin. I never touched the stuff. It's like, okay, did you do someone from the silent generation, right? This like, we're not even boomer territory. Where did this is like 23s? Get new. I'm going to, I never touched the stuff about a beer. Let's take a milliner started the Nickelodeon guy.

You never know who makes that bathtub, Jen. So that should be my opinion. Well, let's go to the follies after the what he's saying. So I never touch the stuff about a beer. Nope. No, fucking if he offered him like ecstasy, maybe you'd be like, yeah, no, I don't touch that stuff. It's a beer. I mean, maybe you'd be like, yeah, no, I don't touch that stuff. It's a beer.

I never touched the stuff. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, and then it's going to get worse, so because now it's time for Desmond, Troy's black friend, to explain to his people why they should vote for Trump. Yes, this is Pastor who disagrees from earlier is his dad. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yes. when you know it because there's the one black family in this

I don't know if that's intentional or they just didn't have the person And a woman who I will never not be convinced was in this movie at gunpoint Yes, this mom character says every I've been watching a lot of diamond and silk and Candace Owens mom and dad. Oh, have you have you mother. And of course, this is a great moment to write. So the dad says to Desmond. He's like, but son, we're Democrats. Our family is always voted for the Democrats and Desmond says, but why dad? And of course, this is Donald James Parker answering it, right?

He's the one writing it so that the dad's character just says, I don't know, man. Cause I'm black. That's not an exaggeration. He says, I don't know, tradition. Yeah. That's what. That's why I don't. That's how much he thinks about black people

and how they make their political decisions. Right. I don't know. I just think we've always done this. So I'm doing it. That's what he thinks. All right. And now we're going to get to the B plot of this film,

which is that Donald James Parker is going to make a YouTube video in his YouTube video. I will. Mine. This is where my notes descended into madness where I was like, I will not watch a person make a YouTube video in a YouTube video. A man must have a place to go. That's gone too far for you.

That's the step too far. I look. Some slaves were nice to their masters or whatever. I can deal with it. I can deal with it. I can deal with it. I love to how they try to throw the realism in the first like false take. Oh yeah. It's like, oh, I stumbled over my word there.

What a dork. And then like take two is just a 15 minute fucking man. Man of best self. Precited word for word. Oh, I guess that one's good for your blooper reel for my YouTube video, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I always was making a blooper reel. Well, if they get the DVD with the extras, you know, if they want to get the extras. Yeah, so, and I thought I wrote my notes, oh my god, the conceit of this movie is what if somebody liked my YouTube video, but it's not. No. Right?

Like, I was sure that this video he was making was going to go viral because of his folksy wisdom, but it doesn't. Yeah, you would see the super fake fucking like internet interface with the number like ticking up here. You see like their version, the boomer version of that. Nope. No, no. No, no. Donald J. Parker cannot imagine

a world. We do not make up the vast majority of his viewership. We will never refer back to this goddamn video. He just makes it and then he puts it on and then of course the whole message of the video is, look, I'm just a down folksy homesick. I don't know about this or the that, but I've done my own research on the YouTube and Donald Trump is magical. You know, I know this is where it gives us the bullshit of like, well, four years ago,

I thought they were all saints and I just assumed they were good people. But now, and you're like, okay, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I saw the unexpected bar mitzvah dude, no. Yeah. Yeah. He, in fairness to him, I mean, he should write as though no one's ever seen any of his. Well, yeah, no, that's fair.

That's fair. Oh, Jesus at some point in the middle of his YouTube video, he says, and look, I don't think Donald Trump is the final solution. I'm like, that's a boy, those two words in our political rhetoric. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, when he says that, he's using that in a negative way, like he wishes Donald Trump would be the final solution. Yes. But Donald Trump is not. No, only somebody even more Christian for a later. Yeah. He also says, you know, would everyone go in after him, the Hollywood celebrities

and the news, I don't know how he's been able to tolerate that without going postal. And I wrote my notes. All right, Donald James Parker. How would we define going post? Where's the body going out to get? And I love the very end of this scene is so good because he gets done filming it. And Graham was like, I would turn off the comments on the YouTube video if I were you because there are a lot of good reasons to do that. It makes perfect. It's not cowardly at all. Yep.

Really? Yep. If you think about it, you should turn off the YouTube comments because Eli is going to make fun of. I love the idea though that this was the actual like the woman, not the actress is like, uh, you know, you probably should turn off. You might get just, you know, weird stuff about your appearance and definitely about your appearance and like, probably your, your appearance and stuff.

And I just, it's totally weird. You know, everybody will turn it off. Pretend that they're Popeye and they're asking you if you like them or blue. Oh, it's going to be really weird. Yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable. Yeah. So yeah. So okay. And then we do this amazing scene. Oh, my God. So okay. So I need to contextualize this because this, this scene is insane.

But for context, and we haven't watched any of these yet, Donald James Parker has made not one, not two, but three movies about sitting his best friend down and telling him he's a piece of shit and he needs to become a Christian. He's also written two novelizations of those movies to say Donald James Parker is obsessed with sitting people in his life down and telling them they suck and need to be more Christian is like saying I have a passing interest in Christian cinema. Yes. So we cut to the two presumably watching a football game. They couldn't afford to put football game audio there. They're just sitting really close together on a couch. And Troy says to Abby's dad to his girlfriend's dad,

hey, could we step outside and talk privately? He's like, we're in a room by ourselves, but it's not more private out there, but okay. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And I was anticipating, oh, good. He's just going to ask to marry the daughter. And then he jokes, you're not going to ask to marry my daughter. Are you gonna say oh shit? That means that's not what they're talking about What is it? What's in the box? It's about Desmond. He smells different Some of the slave owners were very nice to their slay I just told them that. I'm thinking maybe we keep him. Don't call it. So, but yeah, but no, he wants to talk to his girlfriend's dad about the fact that he sucks and needs to be more his religion. Yep. My note is

scary. You're a piece of shit. That's the conversation. Look, I didn't mean to start a fight by calling you a shitty person. Somehow, I thought it would go differently than this. Keep in mind, this guy is supposed to be like 20, right? Like, yeah. Oh my god. Right. Talking to his fucking future wife is future father-in-law. Right.

And he says, and one of the, like, the veiled threats in this conversation is he's like, hey, look, I'm going to fuck the shit out of your daughter. I'm gonna impregnate her. And if you ever want to see your future grandkids, you're gonna have to be my religion as a motherfucker. It's a bold move. The actual words he uses are, I want you to be fully functioning to which the dad replies,

I'm not disabled. What? I'll do three pushups for you right now. I used to could do the clap he was. I can't do that now, but I used to. And what's so hard about this is like, yeah, Troy is right though. Like this guy is a piece of shit. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So feeling really, you know, torn during this scene of like, well, you've got a point, but also shut the fuck up. Well, yeah, because Troy's also a terrible fucking person. Every conversation is about how people should vote for Trump. We need a sequence of other people telling each of these people that they're also a piece of shit. A Russian nesting doll of interventions.

So he goes back and they're like, Troy, can we speak privately? If the dad, the dad comes back inside, Troy, can I speak to you outside? You have to use the show. Sock. And then like a bystander is like, hey, everyone in the movie. Can I speak to you? I'm pregnant. Bring it in.

Can I speak to you in a different Vimeo video? They walk over to it. So okay, so now we cut to that night at dinner and dad just like asks his wife and daughter's like, hey guys, am I, my piece of shit. To which they respond. Yeah. They're like silent for like 20 seconds, like a full 20 seconds.

But I love it. You're right. The dad's like, oh, this is gonna sound crazy. I can't believe I'm asking this. Oh, okay. You're not. Okay. All right. Am I an absolute fucking beast of shit? Am I a terrible person that you hate?

No, it's right. I mean, that's facility, right? Not no, dad. I just not know. Yeah, well, right. I mean, that's facility, right? Right? No, dad. I Yeah, well, and then and then the mom like bless her little heart she goes, well, you God you pay bills well You have a job. I hated this so much. I hated this so much because leave it to Christians The crux of this scene is the man fucking sucks. We all agree, the whole movie agrees on that. The crux of this scene is how it's the wife's fault that the man is a piece of shit. Right. She should have confronted him before. It's like she says, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I,

I didn't let tell you that you were a piece of shit in time to spare your ego for the fact that that you were a piece of shit in time to spare your ego for the fact that our, our daughters, you know, shit had 20 year old boyfriend had to tell you it's my fault. I'm sorry that you've been abusive. Yeah. And that's the good, that's, that's like the movie just leaves you with that. Like, yeah, that's the good outcome that the wife was sorry for her abuse that she sustained. Right. Yeah. Cool. And well, dad tells Abby that she can't see Troy anymore So she storms off mom is way too loud for the microphone levels of angry so she storms off dad storms off everybody Storns off then the movie's like oh fuck we gotta go with one of them right so that we watch dad watch Trump on TV Right, right and my notice they didn't even eat their stack of bread I noticed they didn't even eat their stack of bread. That was their thing.

That's just all it was. A little warm stack of bread. It was a dinner. And his dad is having his like, oh, I know I've been bad moment. The free music that Donald James Parker found is, I'm going to go ahead and say that that track was probably called entering the ancient Chinese village. He's like, God, I know I need to bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang Gong. Yeah. Yeah. He's whipping through channels and this TV preacher comes in and it's just

like the TV preachers like have you recently had a fight where everyone in the movie stormed off and you're the only one still in the room. Yep. Yep. And he said the preacher might as well say, welcome to my TV show where I read you a sermon written on my dick. Because all he does is he keeps looking down. Are you Gary and have you like, fuck. Yeah. So and then he prays. He writes. he prays that he can be better in act three Mm-hmm, and then he runs out to his card and drives off as though he's going to find Jesus I wrote he's trying to escape the movie I thought he just like put Jesus like you type Jesus into a garment. Oh, there you go

Yeah, I guess I have to go find Jesus. I love the idea that an all-powerful God would give a shit about fucking Gary and whether or not he like went to church in between being a piece of shit. Because like, of course, he can still be a piece of shit. He just has to also go to church. That's the only requirement. I love that. All-powerful God, everybody. Yeah. He cares about Gary. All right. Well, believe it or not, this movie has an even crazier gear to go to and the clutches already in.

So we're going to take a quick break to let you prepare. But first, let me have act through the hard sell. Will you even be able to say, Mary Christmas in Biden's America? What color of people smell different? Isn't it really the parents fault those kids got locked in cages? Find out the answers to these questions or at least these kinds of questions when we return for the wouldn't want to insult that shit with my analogy conclusion of what parts are Trump. Mr. Smitherson, do you have a moment? Sure Troy, what's up? I wanted to ask you something. Well, go ahead Troy, you're a part of this family now.

And please Troy, call me Jeff. Well, I'm glad you say that Jeff, because I want to tell you that, well, you suck. Uh, I, what now? You, you just suck. It like, like super duper hard. You, you wanted to speak to me in private about the fact that I suck.

Yeah, you're a bad dad, you're a bad husband. And even though you're my religion, you're not anywhere close enough to my religion. So yeah, you just, I guess, messages, you just suck. I mean, you really suck as a person. Okay, Troy, thank you for your feedback, but I don't actually think it's a fact.

And for fat, I'm fat. I'm fat. You're fat. Tiny penis and your face is like, okay, Troy. It's like a Troy. I think you should probably go from my house now. I'm only telling you this because I love you.

Because you love me. Okay, well, I appreciate that Troy, but I don't think that this is an appropriate cause. Which is why I bought Fattie, Fattie, B, fatty bitch tits tiny dick.com and I redirected it to your Twitter. I'm sorry, you did what? And then I went on Yelp. I created a business with your name and I gave you a one star review. What? Why would you do that? You did. I sure did. You know what Troy? I'm gonna go. I'm actually going to go. Hey babe, what's the matter with my dad? I have no idea.

And we're back for still more of this shit and we're gonna open up this time on I shit you not. And Tifa on the prowl. He he he. I just want to take a moment to say before we get to this, good quality cameras should be harder to get. Like we have that, like the same reason we background checks for guns. We lock up the fucking like razor blades if you want to get a replacement, you know, if you want to buy spray paint or something,

they lock it. This should the same. What are you going to do with this camera? Yes, to the 4K camera that was somehow acquired. Because like the video quality is good, the video quality. Now, I'm there anything else. I'm just saying, like the picture is actually good. I want some questions. Like when you buy it, you know, they should be like, well, give me, show me a sample of what you're doing. Yeah. Can I get a character witness statement like a,

this, that we can't allow this in Biden's America. Strangle porn. Yeah, go enjoy your strangle. Oh, sorry. Yeah. This is Donald James Parker was in here earlier, trying to buy suit of fat in a camera. It's too easy to acquire these things. It's too easy. So we see the antiforcrab. This is the guys that we're talking about getting the Chinese guns to kill Christian bikers with earlier along with Desmond's ex-girlfriend and a couple other characters. So they're just, you know, wanderin' through looking for some people to beat up and they see Troy in his Donald Trump shirt. Yeah.

And they're like, Hey, man, turn that shirt inside out to which Troy responds, I'm sorry, I have the right to wear it to which the antiva guy responds, we have the right to kick your head in to which joy responds. No, actually, you don't. No, actually, yeah, actually, actually, you don't have the right to, you are able to, but that doesn't, you're going to get in trouble or it later. Yeah, so they start beating them up.

In this, well, they start shoving and doing. Shovey on us, I couldn't, my brain couldn't take this scene. I've locked out, you're gonna have to do it without, I just couldn't, my heart stopped. It's so bad. It made the violence in West Side Story look like, you know. Like the saw movies or something. I don't know, like it just, it's so fucking stupid.

If you could somehow just watch this scene, I would, maybe we should illegally rip it and put it on YouTube. I don't know, it's just, it's unbelievable. It's just the unison snapping into it. Or is that like, yeah, no, this is a great fucking, no, it's amazing. I don't know. It's just, it's just a unison snapping into it or something like that. No, this is a great fucking, no, it's amazing. So they start messing with him. An old guy comes and breaks it up. He's like, what's going on here?

They're like, we're beating up a Trump supporter. He's like, Oh, okay, we'll go right. Oh, yeah, right. And this fucking dick. Well, yeah, but isn't that the same guy who then is on the Trump side in a minute or no, no, no, that's where the different old white guy was all confusing to me too. Okay. I genuinely thought like no, I'll use this.

So it might be the same actor in a different short playing a different character. I can't say that. It might be. It might be. I have trouble telling old white guys out apart from each other. Yeah. So they get to fight, but then all of the characters come together and they end up like five on five

They have this moment where they face off like the airport scene in Captain America 3, right? But half of them are Trump supporters, so it's Troy who admittedly is human shaped and for fucking Rascal bound more Bidley of beast Big dog don't run t-shirt where sloppy motherfuck's it takes a lot for me to look at any human being and be like you're a fat piece of shit okay I found a mini marshmallow in my belly button this morning and I ate it I'm aware of who I am but I could kill everyone in the scene. Like it's the fucking one cut samurai movie. I've never thought of sure of anything.

Before my hat hits the graph. The troopers are out of breath from standing across from the non-troopers. And sadly ever so truly more sad than I've ever been about anything in these movies, they don't fight. No, no. Yeah, Deepa guys wander off. I think they wrote in, the guy wrote in like action scene and also Troy, my, you know, homo erotic fantasy of a man probably is the writer's thing. He's going to do some fucking slick karate and just kick everyone's out.

And then they tried to film something like, oh, we can't do this. We don't know how and physically no one is able to. So let's just not pretend we kind of fight and then stop for no reason. Right. Yeah. So Antifa wanders off and there's this great moment where dead mom, they turned to so Desmond and his parents, the black preacher from earlier and and and and wife are there. And so Abby's parents turned to them and they're like, we would like to have you in our home

even though you're black. Come to our home. It's it's that and I have the same note because it's even worse. He turns to me. He's like, Hey, we have a bunch of food at our house. It is though, like, I guess you're black. So I assume you have some food insecurity. Like we can help. I mean, you also, I imagine your jobless fresh food, fresh vegetables.

You may have access to them for a time that we allow you to have. We have a pantry. There's some canned bullshit in there that I'm sure you know, your people would be okay with, because you're hungry. It's honestly like that's the, is the weirdest thing. Really. But yes, all the victorious Trump warriors had to Abby Sous for an impromptu dinner. I have to talk about what dad says about his victory. Okay. In their movie, I'm sorry, I keep having to say this, but in their movie, in their movie, dad's like, yeah, I had to use the Vulcan neck pinch on that girl to which mom is like, yeah, you fought that girl real good, huh? Real good. It couldn't

be a woman. But only if he snuck up from behind. Yeah. I don't, I'm not sure why it happened. Is it that the girl was the only one physically capable of doing any sort of fake combats. So they had to change it to be the girl or are they trying to go with the like Michelle Obama terrorist image. I think that's what they're like. Yeah. I think you're exactly right. Fist bump Michelle Obama character. I guess that's it. Yeah. Yeah. The wife's like not since

you used to beat me before you started going to church. Have you taken on a woman so effectively. And then the black dad tells why they were in the mall and I left real I left so hard I had to pause the movie because he's like Sean how did you end up at the mall and he's like well we were gonna go to red Robin But then I thought you know what I would like some Chinese food But we parked on the other side of the mall Part of the e lot, but you know how the e lot has that weird hill in the spot They're kind he goes through this and this bullshit insane. Oh, no, reason explanation for an hour. It's an hour of this two hour film.

Just be like, oh, I needed to get a shirt in here. Does anything? Just do something that's five seconds. My, my, my eyes don't have him. Ask why would you ask that? What were you doing in the mall? Isn't that more of a white person thing? Yeah, like I'm not allowed to be here. Well, and of course, all of this naturally leads them to discuss who they're going to vote for in the upcoming election and they just haven't decided.

Yeah. And frequently throughout the film, they try to do the thing where it's like, well, if your anti-Trump, it means you haven't researched him enough. Yes. They're always like, well, I guess I better just do my research. Find out with this, Mr. Trump, you say, yeah, you find out what he's all about. It's like, no, there's no research. There's nothing that he's all about. You know what he's all about.

Well, and then of course, dad has to have this conversation where he explains to the black preacher that white privilege isn't really the problem. It's rich privilege. Yeah. To which black dad says, and I quote, yep, it's those rich people and his words, their shyster lawyers. Oh, you didn't see the anti-symmetism coming. I expected better from the unexpected bar mitzvah people, okay?

Yeah, yeah, that menorah fooled me. I got it. Right. Yes. Jesus Christ. And anyway, so the dad is like, oh, and by the way, would you guys like to see this crazy ass video that my wife's parents sent us? What? A YouTube video you say.

Yes, please. Yeah. Would you like to gather together and all watch a fucking insane person's YouTube channel together sitting on a couch like crazy people? Yes, we all will do that. We sure would. God. Yeah.

So they watched that same video that we watched at the beginning of the movie. The video that this movie opened on they watched that again. Now during this video, I have to point this out because it's so goddamn important. I love this. Desmond gets a phone call and has to wander off. We're going to come back to that. But only in such a way as to make it weirder and then never come back to it. And then never again, that's correct. Yeah. Yeah. Apologies. Sound guy here. Of course we get the sound of the TV recorded from a mic on the camera with all this fucking face cancellations and shit is awful. You are, we know they know how to dub. We know. We already have proof of this. Just dub in the TV sound later. So God, it's, uh, so what's happening here? They've got the X Y mics and the audio is hitting them at a different fucking times. I wrote in my notes and all caps. Wow. We're really torturing,

Thomas. Are we? Yes. Yes. You know, it'll, it'll, it'll help prepare my relationship with Andrew a little bit. You know, you got to appreciate what you prepare my relationship with Andrew a little bit. You know, you got to appreciate what you have. It could always be worse in terms of sound quality, everybody. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. And I'm TV. By the way, the video you're watching has said Roth cut in the middle of it and say something

about like, wow, black people must be super special. That's why Satan influences them so much more than the whites, huh? Yep. God must have big plans for the black community if the devil wants to kill their babies through abortion. Yes. Yup. So and then everybody leaves except for Desmond and his family and then they have this weird fucking conversation where he's like, Hey, man, who is that on the phone that you had to wander off and he's like, they found my birth mother. Yeah. they found my birth mother. Yeah, they found my birth mother.

His long lost birth mother, and it turns out that I was a botched abortion. My mom tried to abort me and I survived, and that's my backstory. Yeah, the nurse rushed in at the last minute to save him. Yes. Because they relied on a nurse, you know, like, what an abortion is happening at the place that I work. I'm going to stop it. I guess I don't

know. And I'm just sucking on her nipple or something like, guys, come on. This is the first world hearing of this. You listeners know as much about this as we have not set up that he was adopted or anything. And we will never come back to it. No, we'll never get revisited again. No, no, his dad basically says, look, we don't have time for this plot point. We were way into act three. And we just ignore it from then on. I think that the mom and dad actors are genuinely confused. Like, are we not you're sorry? What? And we know I thought we were supposed to be and then it's just like cut.

What are we then? Never come back to it. Are you trying to improvise your way into a different movie? Desmond, you can't do that. Oh no, I guess I better join the football team and find out if I can make my Jasmine stop Desmond they said they shoot your sister if we don't finish the movie She's trapped somewhere basement. We have to finish the movie bring bring bring bring

In the movie no All right, so meanwhile that Jew bastard Mark Zuckerberg is taken down DJP's Jesus links from the Facebooks. Yeah This scene is something So fucking good because here's the thing Donald James Parker is bitching to his wife about how like I post all this Profit stuff and people send me all this crazy fake news. Yes, yes, exactly. And we get to find out what is and isn't too crazy for this movie. Right. Exactly. There's such an arbitrary line. Yeah, you cannot predict what it is. It's a positive. We never know. The things that they're like, oh, don't be like this everybody.

They do like this weird morality play in the middle of it, really. Can you believe people are saying that George Soros was a Nazi? Yeah, he was only 14 at the time. He couldn't have been, and you're like, okay, I guess they're trying to say that's too crazy. And then they're like, and then the wife is like,

so anyway, I've been reading about what the child pedophile rapists are doing in our government. Yes, I guess I think. What is that? And that's good, is that? Swag, and they're like, okay, we endorse this. She's pitching out of the shadows.

Yes, she's pitching, yes, out of the shadows. The movie that we did on episode 259, folks, the QAnon video that we did on episode 259 folks, the killer non video that we did on episode 259. And she warns us about the swearing. She's like, oh, I watch this. I mean, his language is pretty salty. But yeah, you should check it out. Link in the show notes. Slam that subscribe button, y'all. I can't with this scene. Oh, and I just thinking how fucking nuts do you have to be for this movie to distance itself from you? The first part of this scene is them talking about stuff that's too crazy.

And it's just like, my God, what is, what is the, and then in the same scene, it's like, well, the pedophiles are in control of the government. Let's grab our guns. Exactly. Oh my God. What a fine line we're drawing here. Yeah. I know he's like, yeah, these people are saying that Anthony Fauci was roommates with Bill Gates

and we're like, and we're like, it's against against that. I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't know. Gun to my head. I don't know. Are they against that conspiracy theory? And also, by the way, quick note, somebody hit the fucking zoom button.

Oh, it's so good. Yeah, right at the very end of that. In the middle of someone talking, quick zoom in like your mom is trying to film Christmas in 1987. It's like, it's just, uh, and I wish it went out by the way, this scene exists for its own sake in the middle of the movie. It doesn't call back to anything that's happened before. It doesn't foreshadow anything that happens again.

Right. It's just him cutting in to say, I wish people would stop making us seem stupid by saying, Anthony Fauci was roommates with Bill Gates and that George Charles was a Nazi anyway. QAnon's real. Yep. We need to stick to the facts like what my prophet who had a backbone from Jesus when he died in the dentist chair. All right. So now it's we're at church and preacher dad, black preacher dad is going to preach about the gospel of Trump to the random and shiver shifting number of people in his church when we get these crowdshounds.

Mask no mask guy from the preacher scene, he's in this one. Masking and not masking alternatively. But always wearing that same big ass bright orange shirt. Yeah, pumpkin. Yeah, shirt. He uses that quote from, I think it's Paul, where he's like, some preachers will only tickle the ears. And he's like, if you're only here to get your ears tickled, you're going to want to leave. And I really wanted a guy in a gimp suit.

And the ears cut out, just stand up and hopefully walk out. Just like, I won't be kinked. I wanted to be like, if you're only here to get your e-sickle, that's back. Yeah, go back to it. Pass the bathroom and the water. Right. It's right between the pre-matorium and the Dildo shop. We also get a little Shakespeare here. He's like, if I may say a famous quote, erodes, no matter what you name it is good. Also, I am will.

Yeah. So the preacher explains that Christianity has coddled abortion for far too long, damn it. And it's time to take a stand against it. Finally, finally, and I love it too because they, they're in their minds. They're like, he's finally talking about the sin of abortion, which wasn't really part of, I mean, is that part of the movie? I thought it was about Trump, but it, nope, we have not mentioned it at all up to now. Yeah. And so what they make it out to be is that like some super huge abortion fans leave when he said, you know, there's people who have like full body paint saying, like, I love abortions. I come here for the pro abortion content. Like, what? This creature is against

abortion. I'm out of here, taking my sign and leaving. Yeah. Well, and yes, so we watch a budget like I love to as soon as he brings up abortion, we keep, we cut to like this, like blonde, 35 year old woman, like the like the movies just looking at her all judgy abortions bad Susan Susan. Oh, yeah, no, the subtext of that shot is this girl has had 20 abortions. Yeah, exactly. And so we get a couple of people walk out in the middle of his you should vote for Trump Sherman. And then afterwards we get the most aggressive goddamn slow clap, right from Gary the dad. Yep. I would like to talk about the young man in the front row who claps up and down as opposed

to horizontally. Oh, I didn't notice that literally it is worth an entire rewatch of his film. There is a young man who has obviously been forced into this movie who instead of clapping side to side like a human holds his hands perpendicular like crocodile style. Like he's doing a shark and yes, and does baby shark as he's clapping for him. I watched it like a dozen times. This is the funniest thing ever. All right, so now we're going to have another pastors for Trump meeting, right? Yeah.

So now we have to establish that black preacher now is on board with Trump and he's preaching the word of Trump as well now. And so this is a terrorist cell, like I mean, really, we, this is where we start to get shots of radicalization of a small group of people who are going to take up arms. You expect that because the little fucking noodle old man who wrote this movie is again just talking for these pastors for some reason. He didn't bother to write in that part. Like, why are they listening to him? What does he have to do with anything? Right. Yeah. He's just like, well, I am me. So I deserve to be heard. And I'm going to write in that part. Like why are they listening to him? What does he have to do with anything? Right. Yeah. It's just like, well, I am me. So I deserve to be heard. And I'm going to talk in this thing.

And the way he's talking about violence and all this stuff, you expect him to lift his shirt and have a bomb vest under it. Like, follow me to the Capitol building guys. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then black guy gave it up to give his speech where he's like, I used to disagree with him and racism is bad, but they can't keep the pro Trump message because he's like, anyways, people say, you know, the anti-Christ life tell me what's in the gospel. Fuck illegal immigrants. Also, fuck Muslims. Fuck Muslims forever. They're gonna blow us up. My neighbor Larry, he waters his lawn before six. You know what I'm supposed to do? He just goes down the fucking crazy,

irrelevant rabbit hole. And it was funny as the whole time he's doing this, everybody starts nodding along, but like not when he's done with a point, or there's any reason where they're just nodding along at points that made no sense Yeah, is this the guy or one of them's like what outcome when we do a racism people call us racist Yep, and they don't call Darwin and Margaret Sanger racist. Yeah Like are they are they a lot are they currently? What church when you do a racism? I say that's a racism. What I is Darwin doing some racist thing? Why would that come up? I don't understand.

This whole fucking sequence is amazing because it's just Donald James Parker having a lot of fun with the ability to filter his racist words through a black actor. I don't hear you criticizing Ginghis Khan. He was by, I don't want. And another thing, how come our music is so fast? I don't have any against rap, but my niece told me to listen to Hamilton and it was just like flibbited, jibbited, jibbited, jibbited, I don't understand any of it. I'm black. I am one.

And then with amazing rapidityity we cut over to Desmond Troy and Abby thinking about maybe how they should go campaign for Trump on campus Right we speed cut over to that and I there's this great moment here The scene is hardly worth bringing up except for the fact that Abby says well What I think we should do is target suburban mom soccer moms They're really gonna make the difference in this election. And for his like, no, that's stupid. You're a girl shut up.

And she's like, okay. Okay. And they do a different thing. Yeah. That's true. She might as well be like, I don't know. And I think the state of Georgia is really important as well. Okay.

Soccer months. Yeah. The suburbs in Georgia are really going to matter. Idiots. Decap County is like, oh, I'm doing decap cash. I'm going to fuck up. Yeah. They should all over her idea and ignore it. And then they head out to the college campus.

Now we have to put out Desmond. Sure is afraid to go out there and Tennessee and campaign on behalf of Trump because all the people get beat up doing that. is afraid to go out there in Tennessee and campaign on behalf of Trump because all the people get beat up doing that. And when we say campaign, by the way, here's their idea in their mind of what it means to campaign for someone. It is, yeah, it is to stand on the quad and yell, whoa, Trump pants as people walk about. Yep. Make sure you vote. Make that change my mind. That's what you want me over when you said Trump pants in my quack. But like you're just, you're so right that like she has a real idea of what might make

a difference. And he's like, no, you idiot. Make me a sandwich. And also the youth vote might be like 5% or something like that. So let's go to a college and like do nothing. It's so funny. Again, it's their movie. Why do they do this? Why not go with her idea? Yeah, you're right. We better approach the sockermonts. Maybe that's somebody you could like actually convince. No, let's go to a college campus and just stand there and Trump

paraphernalia saying Trump hence 2020. What is that going to do? Right. Exactly. But of course, they get accosted by one of those college SJWs who literally opens by yelling in their face, you're offending me. There's also this amazing seed. He goes, where are your masks?

But she is wearing a mask and she's not. No, no, exactly. He can't be unmasked and doing. Yes. I'm not sure how they fuck that one up, Eli. I don't know how they fuck that one up. How? On the props table, the mask clearly said it was mine.

That is correct, but the scene doesn't make sense. I asked you where you're meant. The props lady said, this is mine, I'm wearing it. Okay, I've got the... And then at one point, he's like, don't you know the only people who like Trump are farmers and hicks to which try response? Yes. Well,

so yeah, when you got problem with Hicks, well, there's also a moment here where he's like, you know, there's a, but, you know, you're, the side you're supporting is a bunch of racists and, and she Abby cuts in and says, oh, yeah, well, a lot of these so-called anti-racists often harbor anti- white feelings. Is what she says. What a response. Yeah, which is followed up with racism isn't as bad as anti-racism. I just wrote my notes. Fucking awesome movie.

Fucking awesome. Well, and then he's like, and of course, since he can't compete with that awesome, what about racism against whites? Point, he says, well, we should have open borders. Yeah. To which, of course, they respond that immigrants are terrorists. They do send the rapists though.

Yeah. And this is where they, he also just says, defund the police. Yeah. And then he's like, you know, who defunded the police? The not. The not even joking. That's his answer. See, the problem in Germany, I'm an expert in history, folks.

What happened was the Nazi party defunded the police. And so when the Nazis rose to power, the police went to answer the 911 Nazi call. And then they're like, oh, where's my gun? I've been defunded. And then the Nazi police is like, I haven't been defunded. I haven't done it. And then they're like, Oh, where's my gun? I've been defunded. And then the Nazi police is like, I have been defunded. I have a gun. And then they won. That's history. That's exactly what they won't teach you that in your liberal hippie school. Because they're trying to kill God. That's right. All right. So now it's time to route this

bucket up. And they end this scene by essentially being like, is this a scene? No, are we? Yeah. All right. In their own movie, they don't win. It walks away. And they're like, Trump long pause. Yeah, I know, yeah, they just, they all walk in a different direction, like not knowing

where the end of the scene is. Like vote, vote, Trump. Bye, I guess. But not before they all point out how useless that interaction was. The first correcting said in this movie, the guys like, I think we're not changing anyone's mind. Yes.

Clearly, no way. Standing in a college campus with your Trump bullshit, shouting vote Trump didn't change someone's mind. Wow. Weird. So weird. All right. So now they're all, we're all of the named characters and then some that the actually

it's not because Donald James Parker and his wife that we started with we've forgotten all about them. So it's Abby and her parents in Troy and Desmond and his parents. They're all sitting around on the couch together watching the election returns come in wondering how long it would take a Biden administration to start hunting the Christians down and having them compete in some form of hunger games. You're not joking. No, listen, this is not he jit. This is no one was being the straight man of the scene. I was just setting it up. Yes. That's not a joke. It's election night. They're like, God, so do you think we're going to have to kill each other in a duel to the death?

You know, there's a 50 50 shot time? Yeah. Should we be training against lions or? Yeah. How do we best get eaten by lions? So like when they feed us the aligns, you go in, do you like to go feet first or head first? I feel like we go head first. It's over. Yeah.

Yeah, get it out. That's what I was thinking too. But then I don't know. You don't get what if you don't get a rest. You know, it would be too late then. So that's the fucking thing. That is the thing. And at a certain point, you don't get what if you don't get rescued. It would be too late then. So that's the fucking scene. That is the scene. And at a certain point, they're like, God, there's only like a few Christians left in

this country too. You know, like they're like essentially like, I don't know. Exactly. Not sure how many of us are left. Yep. And by the way, hey, guys, if they try to shut our church down, should we have a violent revolution? Yes.

Yes. Yeah. They know they actually go out of their way to say like, well, when would it be time to rise up in arms against the government? Well, if they tried to shut our churches down over the pandemic, that would be a great reason to start a violent revolution. Yeah. And then, and then in perhaps the sweetest moment of the movie, mom turns to everyone, she goes, I'm just worried that when Trump wins, the liberals may storm the Capitol building. So close to that. Let's say they decide they want to steal a painting, right? He's carrying a taser, which we're all allowed to have in the building. So he sticks it down his pants.

He's a big fat pants. And then his thigh turns the taser on and he electricates himself in the balls till he dies. I bet that's that's what you said. I'm just worried that's going to happen to the left. That's that's what's going to happen to the liberals. Yep. It's really is almost that. Like it really fucking is.

And by the way, they conclude this scene by going and by the way, in advance, I am not crazy. Yeah, people will call us crazy for thinking that. Right, right, they're like, well, yep, someday people will all agree that we're not crazy conspiracy theorists. Ugh.

And what I love is the scene transition because we just get cut to a super fake fucking power point election map. Yes. And you show them and they're sitting at the exact same positions in the same clothes. They just been sitting there for 12 hours. Is all naturally like two in the couch, two in front of the side. Exactly. No one said to pee in the intervening time.

So I love to. They've got the states colored in and they've got this voiceover going like, well, it looks like we won't know the results tonight. And when he says because this is so stupid because Donald James Parker wrote it, he says, well, the Republican states went to the Republicans and the Democratic states went to the Democrats. So it'll be decided in the swing states this year. Meanwhile, they have Florida as blue.

Yep. If Florida were blue, the election is over. You fucking knit with right there. Georgia. What's gonna happen? Georgia and Arizona. Biden only currently sits at 577 electoral. And no, it know until the weekend.

Right. It is. Oh, this movie denied us so much. It I wanted the ending where these people lost and killed themselves with a miss right before the good guy comes to save up on the sky. But I wanted them to tear their shirts and scream to the heavens. I wanted them to start dosing bleach out into fucking containers of cool aid. I was old this Donald James Parker.

I made it through this whole movie. Dude, I thought that was where they were going. I thought they were going to say Biden won and they like kill themselves or something. I don't know. Because then it's our favorite movie, right? We have to agree that if this movie ends with just a mutual sepaku and a bloodstain floor, I watch it every year at Christmas.

Yes. Right, but someone in dance, they're all leaving, right? Because they have to leave on the cliffhanger. They don't know who's gonna win. So they're all leaving and they're like, should we pray one more time? And they're like, yeah, sure, sure. Mom, why don't you lead us in win. So they're all leaving and they're like, should we pray one more time? And they're like, yeah, sure, sure.

Mom, why don't you leave this in prayer? So the mom character, she's gonna close things out for us. And before she even says the first word, she's already in full blown ugly cry. Yeah. Well, we've kind of skipped over the fact that this poor woman is like a trauma victim. Like, and in a real, I don't mean the actor.

Like, I mean, she really is. Like, they've played up the fact that like, she never can decide anything because, you know, she's a fucking victim of abuse. Right. And like, then at the end of the movie, the feel good moment is, Hey, Mom, why don't you leave the prayer?

And she like physically crumbles at the idea of being in charge of anything. Oh, like, she can't even deal with it. Oh, this actress fucking is so sure I'm gonna pop out of her toilet and stab her and you know what? She's right. I hate. So, so she's crying throughout. She thanks God for letting her be born American.

And she says at one point in her prayer, I fucking quote, bring us to that place where when you are all we have we realize you are all we need are the words. you miss you land among the moon. Yeah, so it's all just bumper sticker bullshit delivered through snotty crying and then Troy asks Abby if she'd like to fuck right. Yeah, pretty much. Well, now that the election is over, let's focus on our marriage. Yeah, yeah. The end. The end. He could see lost, because he lost and Donald James Margaret didn't get to get all his friends together to shoot the little scene. I hope he fucking made a cake. I bet he did. I bet he made a shitty little Trump Pence cake. He just ate it alone, watched his YouTube video, just refreshing, hoping to get those views up. I'll get it up higher than those God awful movie bastards just watching it over and

over again, eating it with his hands and the dark where he shoots his fucking movie. 51% of it accounts as a view. All right, so, but here, but that brings up my final question though. Like, all right, as hard as this movie wants to watch it, it's like top five hardest things that we've ever got. They watched it could have been harder. One thing. Well for you, for you, yeah. For any. Okay, but not in all theoretical worlds because we could have had to watch this thing if Biden

hadn't won. All right. No, could you even fucking imagine? No. I genuinely would have said fuck you. I'm not doing that. No, I would have. And like I wouldn't have known what the movie was. So I probably would have watched it for 23 seconds and then said, oh, never mind.

Fuck you. We're not friends anymore. This way, I almost said that because of this movie. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Very painful. But again, I just sat there. I'm like, we won Georgia. We won Georgia. We won Georgia. It's so good. It's good. It doesn't matter. These people, they don't have the same amount of power anymore. Yeah, they still have some power. And they're going to be back in five seconds. But like

for now, it's okay. Yeah. People who think we're the Antifa Chinese Russian people are going to hunt the Christians in the lines. They don't currently have quite as much power. It's okay, Thomas. It's okay. If Biden hadn't won, this review would have been live streamed from the Capitol building. All right. Well, Thomas, this wasn't enough to scare you off.

So nothing is clearly. Yeah. Thank you so much for suffering alongside us. And just a quick reminder for our listeners in a very short memories. Where can they find if they want to hear more from you? Opening arguments, doing such good stuff. You know, I've noticed an uptick in opening arguments, and I think so many people were like to depressed to listen to it. Yeah. And like honestly, like, we, it's been so fun lately. It's good news episodes and it's good

law. It's fantastic. Come check it out. The streak is port. Oh, the streak is port. Check out series inquiries, only philosophers in space. And hey, if you're into any S video games, been playing some NES video games on the original cartridges, twitch.tv slash series pod, and you find folks are going to come on my channel or I quit. Yeah. I have you.

At least all you have is fucking you. You owe me a blood debt. You will sit there and watch me try to beat battle toads for seven months straight and never beat it. I feel like it will be there the whole time. That's one. It's an even deal. 100% fair.

All right. Well, that's going to do a review of hearts or Trump. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still have a whole new presidential administration to work with next week. This is our last episode of the Trump administration. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Oh, I think we need a dose of a different kind of crazy. So we'll be covering the woo documentary, the healing field. Okay. All right. No, I, because I deserve to suffer more. So with that to look forward, we're going to bring episode 283 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to Thomas Smith for hanging out with us today. And an even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a preps of donation at patreon.com. So I got off of it. And thereby earn an early access to an aftery version of our re-up. So you can also help a ton by letting a five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our simply shows the skating aides citation

data, D&D minus, and the skeptic grad, available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or send them at a suggestion, check this week, until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Donald James Parker is already working on the sequel. You know he is. Sid Roth would go on to re-enact

punching a baby back to life on his television show. And Donald Trump... Fucking lost! Ha ha! You lost your feet, you shit! So... Trump fucking lost. Ha ha! You lost your piece of shit. So fucking lost. Don't be lost. He lost and he got a peach again, and he's sad and scared,

and his shitty assistants couldn't get him together a crowd for his inauguration, like a my own birthday party with beer and hunkered. He lost. He lost. Fattie, Fattie, bitch tits, tiny dick.com. Thank you.