God Awful Movies - 287: Absolute Proof

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

This week, we team up for a skeptical review of Absolute Proof, the store of My Pillow founder Mike Lindell trying to utter a coherent sentence. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And Melissa Carone, through the 19 Apple Teenies she had had at the All You Need Sizzler, was like, Oh my God, they're running for a flamm, yo, by now, twice in her round. Which she explains to us now by saying that what the policy was supposed to be, and these are her words. When it jammed they were supposed to throw them away and then rescan them. You know, after they had thrown the battle back. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be good friend Heath and right heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. So you know who makes a great pillow. Who's that? Casper mattress. They do. Lovely pillow indeed. And sitting nine or or most of my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnig Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fine Noah. You see that? That is a complete sentence. This one and this one to prove it was possible. The outset here, you could spell it out with Noah Lipsies or weird hyphens because

you just don't know what punctuation would signal that type of a pause. So subjectively, you say, I don't mean to interdict you. Oh, you beat me to it. You beat me to it. I know, but I accidentally used it right. I can't mean to interdict you. Oh, you beat me to it. You beat me to it. I know, but I accidentally used it right. I can't help. So I can't believe you induced me to that joke. You induced me that joke.

So don't worry. Audience eventually all of this will make sense. It'll be worth it. It'll all be worth it. So tell us, Ethan, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Mike Lindell's absolute proof documentary proving deception on the faith unveiled network underscore 362. It's the story of exactly what that sounds like. It's the story of Mike Lindell trying to explain voting machines like my grandma trying to explain how to tape one show on her vcr and watch another show at the same time Hours oh this was a tough one. Yeah, I was painful and speaking of which Eli just how painful was this movie?

Well if you love the hard hitting news reporting of the Tucker Carlson show, but your consciousness resets every three words. This movie, this is like the memento guy trying to read Shakespeare backwards, the documentary. Oh, yeah. I don't know about you guys. Took me eight and a half hours to get through this one. That's like, that might be a new record for a two hour movie for me. All right. So, hey, so before we get all this bad news about Mike Lindell, the Mike my pillow guy, I should point out that setting aside the Patreon only bonus episode where we reviewed Wonder Woman

84 last month still available along with over 50 more bonus episodes when you donate as little as a dollar an episode of patreon.com slash God awful. This is the first time in 2021 that we've actually the three of us have all been on the show together. So, you know, Good to have the band back together. Oh, Indeed. I can't like that. I smoked for way too long. Okay. So is there anything you guys want to know make this one for me the best to be the worst? That's worse fadeouts.

There is a bit. It's fadeouts from talking. It's amazing. Every single time they're about to show us their evidence, they fade out. And several other times just for fun. It's just two hours of like, okay, so here's how Biden stole the election. If you look closely at the evidence, I have right here. We hear rubber. Yeah. Yeah. Fade back in worldwide website. I extranmermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermermer three thousand. So let's let's dig down on this because here's the thing. Mike Lindell has been talking for more than a week about how he has a three hour documentary. It's two hours, which means those blackouts are some dark universe

lawyer of Mike Lindell's just slamming his hand down on the blackout button when he's like, and here's the map to you, I boss next house everybody. Here you go. So I don't know. I think there are multiple reasons for him. I think sometimes Michael and Dell just goes off for 25 minutes for guests, what he was talking about. And then he's like, you know, can we just fade out when I stop making points? But sometimes they show exactly that.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, exactly. So I think it's selective. I think he was trying to get it under two hours I think there are also times when his guests stop him and just go man shut the fuck up. Well, I finished my point They also cut in but sometimes they show exactly So well, yeah, we'll get to Dr. Shiva eventually, but yeah, so okay So I was gonna go with best worse port Montau and it's honestly it's I couldn't done better

But I wrote this down before I even started watching the fucking thing because he's calling it a docu movie. No, documentaries are a kind of movie already. It is subgr- And look, documentaries are defined as things that provide factual records. So this isn't even that, right?

Machuumentary wouldn't be right. Maybe I crock you, but like it's definitely not a docu-movie. There's not even how Port Montawerks, you'd have to be like, docu-vie. It's like, yeah, right, exactly. Do-vie. See, now, I was gonna go with best worst wow,

but then right before this recording, I realized the best worst that I wasn't aware of until moments before we started speaking. So I'm gonna go with best worst disclaimer. Oh, God. So we didn't get this in our version. Right. Because we found it somewhere. But when this was shown on OAN, they put up this message, the following message for 90 seconds at the beginning.

Quote, Mr. Lindell is the sole author and executive producer of this program and is solely and exclusively responsible for its content. This program is not the product of OAN's reporting. The statements and claims expressed in this program are presented at this time as opinions only and are not intended to be taken or interpreted by the viewer as established facts and quote and then literally the words absolute proof rise up into the screen. Like selling fake IDs with a sticker that says for novelty purposes only. We put a thing on it. I know it's liable of time out.

I just like honestly we had to have Andrew look over our notes to make sure that we weren't going to do any defaming of anybody by saying what they sat. We love dominion voting. Right. Exactly. I had to like get several of my jokes vetted and some of the quotes where I'm like, hey, man I'm I even allowed to quote him saying. Yeah. Yeah. Whoo. All right, well, I'll tell you what, we've got a lot of wrong on the other side of this break.

So we're going to take a few minutes to limber up and when we return, we'll dive into all the unsourced assertions that Mike Lindell things are. Absolute proof. Things are absolute proof. So we're not even making a stop for baby Hitler. For the last time, this is how you get super Hitler. Hey guys. That's what's gonna happen. Guys, what are you doing? Oh, hey Noah, Ethan, I were just taking care of our oral health.

With my time machine. Yeah, you see, 20 minutes after eating, we got back in time to where we were eating and we got all the food off our teeth. Boom, baby, oral health. Okay, or you guys could just try gum. Gum? Yeah, gum. The American Dental Association recommends chewing sugar-free gum for 20 minutes after meals.

They do? Yeah, but not all gum is created equal. Some might come in fancy packaging, but they only cover up bad breath. Others are low to with sugars that can wreak havoc on your teeth. Luckily, the oral carax person equipped have made a gum that stands out from the pack, one that helps prevent cavities and tastes great too. Does? Sure does.

Quip gum can help prevent cavities and fresh and breath when chewed for 20 minutes after eating. It's sugar-free and it has two friendly xylitol with zero calories. And to satisfy your taste buds, quip at it a long-lasting mint flavor, crunchy, trilayer design, and stamped it all with a classic quip tongue. I don't know, Noah, handing out gum during COVID? Well, that's the best part. The slim travel ready dispenser, available in five colors, metal or plastic packs, and

protects up to 10 gum pieces at a time and fits just about any per-sure pocket for on the go. And in a world where we all need to be extra safe and hygienic, the quick release button means you that you can still share with friends, no wrappers, hands, or hassles. Add a gun refill plan for the gift that keeps on giving all year round. Quips customizable subscription, unless you chew and share at your own pace and not worry about running out. Plus the more you buy, the more you save with bulk discounts on extra gun packs. All right, no, we're in. Where do we sign up? Well, if you go to get quip.com slash awful right now, you can get a free plastic dispenser with any refill plan. That's a free dispenser

at get quip.com slash awful. That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash awful. Quip, the good habits company. Now give me the keys to the time machine already. Okay, but can we jump back real quick to see if Shakespeare wrote his place? He totally did not. No, no, quiz orp gave us three crystals. Three crystals, I know. Guess you're wasting them. Get a bunch of help, minimum.

Gentlemen, welcome to the evil league of election stealing's big final meeting. Whoa! Like indeed. So let's go over the plan one more time. First, we buy Dominion voting and SSES. Oh, it will yes them to. And then we say the machines don't connect to the internet, but we give a press conference

about how they do connect to the internet. And we put it in our manual right there times. Yes, and that the night of the election. And also before and after we use computers with Chinese IP addresses that we do not attempt to hide to cyber hack all the voting machines into changing the votes. Yeah, it's using Q Snatch, which we embedded in the servers. Right. Which we don't even need to do because the machines all change the votes anyway. Right. Even if they don't, all the adjudicators will just change the votes themselves. Which doesn't matter because the real ballots were switched out with one's pre marked for Biden.

Anyways, exactly. Perfect. Nell it. Right. There remains only one question. Yes. Oh, what is it, boss? Well, you don't suppose a meth head pillow salesman is going to blow this wide open with

a crack team of mentally ill known liars. Do you? Of course not. Yeah. You're crazy, boss. You're crazy. Good. Okay. Glad to hear. team of mentally ill known liars do you? Oh, of course not. Yeah, you're crazy, boss. You're crazy. Good. Okay, glad to hear.

Glad to hear. We're going to steal 700,000 votes with a vote. We sure are. Viva Venezuela. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on this totally unironic Colbert reporter studio set. Which he bought. So now he just like has that sitting in his house somewhere. Right desk set. Yeah. He bought a little symbol for the front of his desk that says, www. Broadcast Network. Yes. It's actually WVW. They didn't realize how dumb that would be.

Yep, exactly. Yeah, and I love to the in the background. He's got the two glows, but he couldn't get like a spinning globe graphic. So he just has static pictures of the globe. Okay. So yeah, so we start off with this like 10, 12 minute monologue, which I was terrified. It was going to be the whole movie, but no, there will be guests. But it starts off with him talking about how everybody's picking on him. And it's because his mom says it's because they're jealous of all his success. Yeah, his Twitter got canceled. He's so close to crying here.

I was pretty stuck in. He's making those like, like almost crying. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I wanted him to cry. If I don't blink, they won like almost crying. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I wanted to cry. If I don't blink, they won't fall out. Yeah. Oh, he looks like the Frankenstein monsters trying to sell you a Christian rehab.

Can we talk about? It's like, he's terrified. He looks like every hockey announcer who got fired for saying the N word, which is a lot of people all together on some more into one guy. Yeah. And so I apologize. I tried to Google this quote and I couldn't find it. Somebody said it about when a Chicago's mayor's, but I think it's perfectly apropos for

Mike Lindell. The man never exits a sentence to the same route. He entered it from nope. Nope. No, in fact, he doesn't exit a sentence period. Not in these two hours. He does. We're for me to say period there.

Leave all grammar and punctuation behind ye who enter here. This is truly stream of thought. That German guy that wrote the world's longest book, Bottom Stream, which is supposed to be like what puck dreams during mids are. He would read, watch this movie and be be like that guy's full of fucking shit. Yeah, shit James Joyce be like, hey, get it together. Have a period. Yes, relax man. Yeah, so okay, so he starts off by like trying to he's gonna tell us the two miracles that happened on election night, right? Now miracle one was we were gonna cheat, but Trump won by so goddamn much that our cheat machines broke

and they had to recalibrate them. Okay. Can we talk about his understanding of an election machine? Oh, I thought we were going to talk about his understanding of the word algorithm and I got all excited. Yeah, we will get there. We will get there. We will get there.

We will get there. Possibly a couple of other words. As far as he knows, election machines just like, it's just a check box on a receipt. So like, foreign spies can just go in and be like, I'm going to vote like 100,000 times and then just it pops up a thing. And it's like, yep, vote. There you go. Done. Clearly. Yep. Yeah. I think I think he's picturing like that, that thing of numbers at the butchers, except China comes in. It takes like six of them. And so that's just fun.

And now serving China. Yeah. And he's talking about all this nonsense where he's like, well, you know, unlike every other election ever in history, they couldn't tell us who won at two o'clock in the morning. That night, don't say Florida shut up. Shut up. Don't say hanging. election ever in history, they couldn't tell us who won at two o'clock in the morning that night. Don't say Florida shut up, shut up, don't say hanging. And his point is if they had declared the victory that night, we'd have been totally normal and cool about losing the election.

And I wrote my notes, would you, Mike? Would you? Oh, yeah. Right. No, your side certainly wasn't declaring pre fraud and pencil. They do anything. That's of course not. That's for that would be silly. All right. And then, okay. So much to our surprise, he remembers that he was doing a list of miracles long enough to do number two. So he turns behind himself and he's like, well, for this, I got to show you this chart.

So he shows he pulls up this chart. It's not a chart. It includes no sources whatsoever. And it's just got a list of ways that you can cheat at voting and numbers. As you can see, today I have packed my lies into columns. Makes it official. Yeah. Can we examine some of these roads? Oh, that's yeah, by all means. Yes, please. Okay. So it says 22,903 mail-in ballots from the future happened that was one of the rows. Yep. Yep. Like they were received before they were mail stamped.

I guess is what he, so he thinks we like rigged it for Biden, but we're idiots like we made fake ballots. We were able to make fake ballots, but we couldn't get a date stamp that made sense. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. As like an evil calling card, the wet bandits. It also has.

So remember, 22,903 was the number from that row. Here are some of the other rows. Voters registered to a vacant lot, 2000. Voters registered to a vacant lot, 2000. Voters registered after deadline, 150,000. Votes adjudicated with no Republican present, 103,000. Votes loaded before opening of the polls, 50,000. Exactly, 200,000. All his numbers except for a few end in multiple zeros, and this is not the only chart where that's going to happen.

And it's not a chart. Yes. Again, it's a spreadsheet. Exactly. Exactly. The odds against that beat, obviously, you just, you did some where you actually counted something and then you're like, I don't know, fucking 150,000 after the deadline. Yeah.

Throw it in there. Well, right, you have to imagine that, like, 103 people have to be stopped. It's like, guys, guys, we've really nailed this number. I really appreciate your enthusiasm, but we're going for these multiples of a thousand. Yeah, so that, and that was just an Arizona, right? So from there, we moved to Michigan.

And Michigan, we've got 17,000 dead voters. And then, towards the bottom, this is maybe my favorite. It's just like, 615,000 votes. But there's no like, byline, it's just like, I just didn't like those things. It's 15,000 votes. Those ones are bullshit. It also says 71% of precincts in Wayne County, Michigan

didn't balance. And then it says in parentheses, see remarks. Where? There are no, we never see them in the next two hours. There's never remarks or anything where it's like, see below, nothing is below ever. Yep, exactly. And again, no source for any of this, right? We move on then from there to Nevada again without any source.

Mm-hmm. And look, like honestly, these numbers might be pulled from some kind of real thing and he's just misrepresenting them. But by failing to provide any sources, you can't refute this. Now, honestly, it's entirely possible to sources that they're his ass or some other dudes ass on the internet, but like they might be, there might be some reality somewhere down here, but we can't find it because we don't know where the fuck these numbers even come from. Oh, the source is his ass because, for example, in Nevada, exactly 500 voters got a raffle ticket gift card award division as a door prize for voting. Yeah, what? It wasn't like 507.

There's no chance. No, okay. 500 also. This is so important in his little chart for Nevada. He has people who don't live in Nevada voting in Nevada twice. Just. Yes. But the weirdest category award is in the Pennsylvania one where it says, oh, good, between

80 to 100 self proclaimed black lives matter affiliates members from other states have admitted to voting in Pennsylvania. Now, that's the left side of the column on the right side. It says 80. Also, does he think black lives matter has like a membership? Oh, it's like AAA. Yeah, you gotta get the car. That's matter. You have to apply up on their dues.

So yeah, but it's time we get to his fucking Wisconsin. The quote unquote chart, you can tell this his heart's not really in it anymore. There's only like two lines and it's like votes that are bullshit or whatever. 130,000 votes by people trapped in the X dimension by Superman. But the only reason I bring up the Wisconsin one specifically is because this is when that like creepy ass exploring the killer's house music kicked in. And it was such a weird thing to happen that I had to pause the movie to see if there

was an alarm going off in my office or something. Every time you know that moment where you're at like an orchestra and they stop and you don't know whether or not to clap because sometimes it's just stop but they don't want you to clap. This is the reverse of that moment and orchestra is waiting for Michael and Delta stop so they're like baa na na na na na. Oh, no, fuck, he's still going. Oh, God, was the music trying to play him off that whole, that is the only way the music makes any sense in this movie. First the lawyer got to the orchestra, then he got to the black out button during the second half of the movie. All right. So then we got in, he's like, but so let's go back to Georgia. And at first

I thought, dude, this is your movie dumbass. Just put Georgia at the end of your group of slides or whatever. But then it occurred to me that we had just done all the other states in alphabetical order. So that's how we got him and he literally didn't know how to change the fucking order. But that's just going to back. Give us the footage of Michael and Dale trying to figure out how to move a PowerPoint slide. He's out there somewhere. I want to watch it. He's trying to copy and paste.

So he starts off this when he's like, remember that phone call where the president committed multiple felonies like recorded and are now being investigated by a newly elected ambitious African American DA and a county Biden one by 46 points. This is the stuff he was below. And he is talking about. I do remember that, Mike, do you want to fade out? Okay. This is a good time for that. No, no, right. So yeah, but he's got another, he's got his fucking spreadsheet again of all the different categories of votes that shouldn't count.

But even if those, like, he's got like dead people, such and such, number of votes, he's like, that's all Trump was doing. He was asking Brad Raffitzberger to give him the votes for these dead people. But like, even if you actually had dead people vote, you can't just give those to Trump, that would still be cheating, right? That would just be cheating differently. You have to share the cheating baby votes. There are 66,000 baby votes. You have to share

that you have to split them. And then, well, and he's like, these are the exact numbers Donald Trump was talking about. And you know what, the Georgia Secretary of State said, he said that those numbers are wrong. And then he just moves on. Right? He doesn't refute that. He just said, you know, officials say that the people who actually are willing to be in a position to know say that we're full of shit. Yeah. Moving on. He tries to explain his source. This is the only time he ever tries to explain his source. And he claims that Brad Raffensberger from Georgia sent Trump this big list of like illegal votes, including dead babies as what a prank like that. Well, yeah. Is that the claim? He's too dumb to realize that he's contradicted because

he says all in one sentence that they got the numbers that Trump got those numbers from the Secretary of State that the Trump administration couldn't get numbers from the secretary of state and that the secretary of state corrected those numbers no two of those things can simultaneously be true or hear me out Brad Raffinsberger is the most brilliant democratic op in political history. Right. He's just like, I don't know, 185 million votes by dead babies. He emails it over and then when the lawyers on the line, he's like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Donald. Donald rips up every piece of paper he ever touches because he's a criminal. So he's like, damn it. You got me, Brad and Brad just walking away,

his limp disappears as he gets into a cab. Just saying. Yeah. And so Mike Lindell realizes how dumb this little segment is as he's saying it. And he's like, okay, moving on. Well, two plus two is for OBV, right? And he says that. And I'm literally looking for screen here. There's a row on his stupid spreadsheet that suggests 275,000 50 plus 17,000 equals 726,000 five inches. That's, it's in a spreadsheet. You would have had to like get rid of the plus function to make it possible for you to have that in your spreadsheet.

The little red squiggles were there. He hasn't even helped. And I, okay, so we have to give the audience kind of a taste of what we're dealing with here in terms of the actual words that are being thrown at us. So occasionally when he went way too nuts, I actually transcribed what he said, this is the first of them. So this is an actual quote from his opening quote. The biggest thing against humanity in our country is this attack through these machines. They got this opened up, this revealed the machines to where we're at right now.

So what you're going to watch during this show is 100% proof that the big thing was the theft by these other countries that came into attack our country through these machines that are made to steal elections. And quote, that's his like statement of purpose. No, it's a steam train powering down. And so there's you just like a band dense one sentence and goes with another like right after that he goes like and we've seen it this past month. You think it wasn't communist coming to take us over? I had to check to see if I'd accidentally skip forward in the video in that app. And I want to point out we are professional nonsense listeners. Okay.

Yeah. And it was going to interpret this nonsense. It was us. We have watched more than a dozen movies where someone has gotten up in front of a group of people to refute the science of evolution with no monkeys. And we were all three of us like, I don't know, man, MC Escher can't diagram this fucking thing. Well, and just as you're thinking like, wow, this sure is silly and fun and goofy. He starts talking about all the domestic traders and he gets that murderous look in his eye. And you realize, oh, yeah, yeah, they're going to get people killed with this.

I have more, right? More than they already got killed with it. And the domestic traders, he means Jack Dorsey and Twitter, right? Yeah. Well, that's amongst them. Yeah. means Jack Dorsey and Twitter, right? Well, that's amongst them, yeah. One of them. He's like, yeah, so speaking of political cyber attacks by hostile foreign powers, Twitter and Facebook

are taking down propaganda from cyber attacks by hostile foreign powers. Yeah. There's a point. And one point he says, they're suppressing cancel culture. I don't think that's what he meant to say, but. Yes. Where can I be brainwashed as a Nazi on the internet anymore? Where can I do that?

What the fuck? The whole time he's talking like he's afraid we're going to interrupt him. Absolutely. Yes, this is this is someone who's used to being interrupted by the words sir, sir. You can't poop here, sir. Oh God. He goes, all right. So now the show's gonna start and we're like, starts.

But luckily, because you're thinking to yourself, oh my God, am I gonna watch this motherfucker Yammer for two hours? But no, he does have some guest Yammerers. And this is where he brings in the first one. This is Phil Waldrand. Phil Waldrand. This is who listeners might remember from his appearance at the Georgia hearings with Rudy Giuliani, where he said that votes were trucked in from other states, at which

point someone asked him, are you saying votes were trucked in from other states to which he replied, I have affidavits from people saying they moved votes to other states to which he was followed up with Georgia, that state. And he was like, not, no, you guys should look into that. You're interdicting me from making my point. Hold on, I can't use the correct of this now. Yeah, right. Right. That's it. We both fucked that up now. So yeah, before we get to Phil Waldron, I have to, I have one more transcription I have to share. This is literally the opening question for Phil Waldron. Okay. This is this is actual first question for his actual first guest.

Quote. You know what we're talking about here today is specific. These machines that we're used to, uh, to hack into our elections and, and, uh, by foreign countries, including China and, uh, what, what, what, what did you kind of bring us up through the election for yourself and what, and then you have gotten so in, so, in, so involved right now. I don't know. I'm going to say interdicted a bunch and get it completely wrong every single time differently. Yeah, no, right. He can't even use it wrong consistently. What do you say? What word are you going for, man? I'm filled. This is filled, right? Who keeps being like, yeah, they were interdicted and then the interdiction got interdicted

by the interdiction. But again, use it as an adverb. Interdictively. Then again, this guy is a cybersecurity expert allegedly. And then he tries to use the word algorithm, which is exactly what he should know about. Right. Here's what algorithm means.

It's in very simplest form, it's a set of steps. Yeah. As it applies to a voting machine, the algorithm in it, if you really had to use that word, would be count the vote end of steps. That's it. end of step. There wouldn't be a way for a hacker to interdict an algorithm. No, that he says about algorithms really makes sense in this context. No, there's no multiplier or anything that was, he might as well be saying that Trump's votes were stolen by Grimlins. He keeps talking about how China did it. He has to specify which China he's talking about.

So he says communist China over and over again. Yeah. Wait, Taiwan? No. Communist China. Your niece who blocked you on Facebook, China. It's all really serious. You gotta be careful, everybody.

And also so it as he's talking about like his frustrated attempts to save America from this cyber attack, this Vaderian theme rises ominously As he's talking about like his frustrated attempts to save America from this cyber attack, this Vaderian theme rises ominously in the background. Oh, come on, in minute, you would have loved this movie if a shark came up and just, wow, got filled. That's what the music said was going to happen. Well, he also starts talking about how like, you know, everyone will tell you that all

the court cases that were brought against the election that we lost all of those, but we didn't lose them. They were tossed out for procedural reasons. I'm like, do test the step below losing. Yes. Right. That means that you were told, no, that's not how law worked. Yeah. The judges were going by an algorithm. It says this is stupid. throw it out and the algorithm. This country will let you sue the twinkie makers for you murdering a gay politician and your lawsuits didn't make it to court. And to be clear, the theory that he brought up in court is, I guess it's that like spies snuck into secured buildings with the voting machines and then like, stuck their mechanical robot arm into the device, like they're a transformer, and they uploaded,

also take 13% of Trump votes and switch them, divide them. And then also self-destruct on November 4th, so a big check this. This is all based on the idea that we don't have access to Dominion's code in their machines or the code of every single voting machine that we have for our voting system. And yes, the fuck we do, of course, we do. Yeah. Obviously, we don't allow voting machines with secret code. Why would we do that? We that held in a secret bucket in Venezuela or Toronto or no. I want to know what he's picturing, right? Cause I'm picturing him. Some guy just like has a voting machine on a dolly. He wheels it in, closed it. It's filled with blinking lights. And some guys just like, um, you sure it's good. And the guys like trust me.

I'm from Dominion voting in communist China and walks out the door Yeah, well he says at one point the guest Phil goes Oh, well, you know, we found the foreign servers in Barcelona. I'm like, what do you even mean? Right like I agree that servers in Barcelona are foreign. I'm not surprised that you found some there What the fuck are you even talking about? You're saying the internet is everywhere? Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. The amount of people in this movie that will not know the difference between

a thing being on the internet and a thing being part of a network of computers is staggering. It is beaten only by the amount of people who will introduce themselves to cyber security experts. Right. Yeah, exactly. One of the pieces of evidence during this segment from, again, an alleged cyber security expert is that we checked Germany's internet stuff and they had a bunch of internety things happening on November 3rd. Yes, yes. internet stuff and they had a bunch of internety things happening. On the internet was going nuts.

There was like so many packets in Germany. It's more even more with the election was happening. Well, yeah. This is also where he says that he has affidavits from someone in the Italian embassy who participated in the coup. And then as though he had to correct himself live, he goes, well, an attorney gave me the name and email of someone who knows the guy who's shutting down the investigation. Right.

Which makes this impressively hearsay of hearsay. They've heard of some hearsay. Right. And if the DOJ is who he claims is shutting down that investigation. hearsay of hearsay they've heard of some hearsay. And if the DOJ is who he claims is shutting down that investigation. So part of the theory is that William Barr is like a communist asset and against Donald Trump and the Republican party. Yes. William Barr is our liberal spy. Yep. Well, it, so, okay, so you might be thinking, well, what's the motive? It turns out to dominion. This is not of this is true, by the way. Dominion also owns an air purification

company. They don't. And Trump, as we all know, hates the air. So of course, they'd put their thumb on the scale because as this guy actually says, Phil Walgreens, he's like, look, if your company stood to gain under a different administration, you'd probably ring the election too. And it's funny because Mike Lindow would and it's, right? Like, because this company would benefit. Yeah, this is your attempt to do that. We get that you would do that.

Yeah. Yeah. To be fair, don't just talk about everybody's companies like that. We would do better than this insane screen into an open, unmarked camera that you're doing. I think you're really better. But yeah, billionaire companies want to get rid of Trump and his tax cuts for billionaires. Exactly.

Exactly. Also, part of the theory is SGO Smartmatic is going to make billions on election fraud plus dehumidifier. I guess it's just two big branches of that billion dollar company. To be clear, dominion voting systems, according to this guest, fake the election for China so that they could sell air purifiers when Joe Biden passes the green new deal. Yes, that's the conspiracy. Well, that's the conspiracy now. Yeah, trying

to get along with, you know, their longtime allies, Germany and Canada, of course, and you know, they wanted Biden to win because Hunter Biden was going to buy exclusively Lenovo laptop. Exactly. All right. So then he moves on to his second guest who's even worse than the first Russell Ramselin. He's the head of your allow to call yourself whatever you want, basically. The intro to this guy I laughed for so long here. They're like, this is Russell Ramselin. This is very serious. He's an expert. He has a, as you can see, taxidermined golden retriever on it. I dare not look away. What the fuck is happening in your life? You have a stuffed dog.

He hunted and you show it. Yeah, he hunted a golden retriever and it is a trophy on his wall. That is all I can make of the picture. That's what it looks like. Fun fact about Russell Ramson, by the way, when you Google him, the first thing that comes up is politic fact pointing out that 100% of the time when they've checked his statements, they've been rated pants on fire.

Yeah. He looked like if the Andy Griffiths show had been about a lynch mob, you know, he's, he's Don Hangman's knots. Well, well done. Well done, well done. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, God, he sounds like Darryl Ray half-ass in a fall corn leg horn impression.

Oh, this is the guy who sounds like Gramps. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard to listen to. Yeah, uh-huh. And there's this amazing moment at the beginning because Russell's whole thing is about what he found in the logs of the machines So he's like, yeah, we found this stuff in the logs of the machines. He gets two sentences in of his intro

When Mike Lindell who created this program is like this is dominion machines and Russell's like no, no, it's ESS. Yes, and he's like, oh, and there's this pause and then Russell's like, don't no, it's ESS, C.S. and he's like, oh, and there's this pause. And then Russell's like, no, where are the machines are the same. They're the same. They're the same. Well, wait, and so his whole opening here is about, he says he was given these logs that show that votes had been changed in Dallas, right?

Because when you cheat, you generally log in to show that you've cheated. So he says he got this logbook. Sign the guest book. Right. He said he got this a couple of years ago. So apparently we cheated so that Beto could get close so he could smell it or something. We were cheating for Ted Cruz. Who the fuck even knows? Doesn't Lindell ask him why would Texas only allow like certain fraud voting machines? Cause Texas denied dominion in their state, but they used these other companies that

they're saying are also potentially fraudulent. So Lindell asks the guy, okay, why would Texas take some of the bad machines and the guys like, I don't know what the fuck the point you're hoping I'm going to make for you. Yes, yes. No, you don't know. Okay, I don't know. I will say we hold your votes overseas.

What? What, what, what that even mean? Well, Michael and Dale try to take a guess at it. He's like, we saw way like hold him in China in a big box and then like send him back to be good. You guys like, yeah, well, again, I don't think it's not what, yeah, nothing you said, but what the internet, like what you said with the internet kind of.

Right, but that's the thing. We don't be like 8,604 isn't in a place, right? We don't. What are you even talking about? It's in Germany. He might as well just be like, okay, so you know how your grandma writes a note on her phone that she thinks an email and then she forgets about it and clicks away because she's playing Candy Crush and then later tells you that she sent you the email and it must have gotten

lost somewhere in the internet. That, but with votes, that's what we were hoping you picture in your mind with the vote that you voted. Yeah, and then we get the best sentence kind of. Yes, yes, do it. He's like, oh, no, no, I think I understand. So they changed the votes and then they send it back. Oh, no, no, I think I understand. So they changed the votes and then they send it back.

Cyber Lee. By cyber cyber Lee by, so I watched that sentence eight times. I watched it happen because you get to see Mike Lindell's brain fail to come up with whatever word he's searching for with cybernetically. Maybe is what he is going for. He's like the romantic matrix, he's cyber funnest, he's the platonic boomer. It's so fucking fun. Amazing.

So very quickly, let's examine all the broken links in Russell's logical chain here, right? That will not happen quickly, but go ahead. Yeah, okay. So asserting that you have evidence isn't the same as having evidence. No, it's not. Having evidence that there are vulnerabilities in the system, which is what he's claiming to have evidence of, isn't evidence that the system was manipulated.

No. Evidence that the system was manipulated, which you're not even pretending to have, isn't evidence it was manipulated and Biden's favor. And evidence that the system in Texas was manipulated in Biden's favor wouldn't be evidence that Trump would have otherwise won the election. They focus on Texas so much in this movie and every time I was like, why does this matter? Why are you guys focused on who cares? You want to talk about flipping Texas? Do you really? Wow. Okay. More generally, this whole movie, the claim is that like, okay, we had hackers coming in and messing with the voting machines.

No. No. Voting machines are not connected to the internet. The backend systems for reporting have a connection sometimes. And on top of that, we do audits with physical ballots to make sure that problem doesn't manifest itself in actually vote cheating. Yeah. That's the whole thesis of the movie and it's gone.

Right. So, okay, so like if you were honestly trying to make a case that an election was stolen, you had a two hour documentary to do it in, right? The very first thing that you would do, if you had an integrity and you actually wanted to do it, you weren't just completely full of shit. Is you'd explain all the various methods by which we secure the elections. You'd start off by saying, this is how elections work. This is how voting machines work. This is how they're secure. This is how they're audited, et cetera, et cetera. And then you could show how all of this shit was undermined, right?

But by doing any of that or even admitting that that shit exists, they have undercut their argument failing. Oh, right. To acknowledge the existence of paper ballots decimates 98 minutes of this two hour movie. Yeah. Right. And also like, because he keeps saying he has evidence

and Mike Lindell is at a certain point like, well, why didn't you take it to, you know, law enforcement of some sort of, he's like, well, they said it was inadmissible. Like, well, then it was bullshit. Like, are you saying it was so good? It was inadmissible. Like, there's a fucking mercy rule for the other team's lawyers. Like, oh, we can't let you have. This is just too slam dunky. I'm sorry. This is like the world's funniest joke. People keep dying when they see it. So we're going to lock this in a box with the arc of the covenant, put it to the other of the earth. This is where Mike Lindell forgets what his movies about for a second too, which I love.

So this guy explains his ridiculous theory. And Mike Lindell's like, okay, man. So subjectively, why would the hackers do that? What, first of all, why subjectively? You want this cybersecurity guy to explain like artistically, you know, just what you got feeling, not about objective facts, but like in your gut, why would the hackers do that?

Who would he, who's interested? Interdictively, why would you do that? Yeah, but the cybersecurity expert guy is like, ah, I actually have no idea. And I was like, you don't do I really do I need to help the movie here. The line is to steal the election from the Trump that the thesis of the movie will do it. No, no, it's not that. It's not that. It is though.

Okay. And so then we turned to the closest thing they have to real evidence. And this is so sad, right? So we turned to Antrim County, Michigan. Oh, I don't know. We were going to turn to the matrix graphic of green text. Oh, right. So well, that's, there's a lot of numbers in that graphic. That's a lot of evidence. Okay. So here's what happened in Andrew County. There was a legitimate error. Somebody fucked up and they didn't update something or something like that. They didn't plug in the thumb drive. They were supposed to before they tabulated the votes. They looked at the results and they're like, well, that's fucking wrong. What the hell do we do here? And then they figured out what they did and

they, but they had already reported out the numbers. And so they sent out a thing and said, hey, we fucked up the numbers. We have to recount this. And then they did. Right. That's it. It was human error. The machines didn't do anything wrong. What's so average? Somebody just fucked up. They noticed it because we have all of these systems in place to make sure that the vote counts don't get fucked up. And they fixed it. And ever since then, these wack allune jack asses like Michael and Dell have been zeroed in on this tiny ass county in northern Michigan as though that's evidence of all the fraud. The fact that they admitted something was fucked up is evidence of the fraud.

It's the opposite. Yes. Bringing up Andrew County is a great point on the side of, oh, even if something goes wrong in some kind of system with electronics, we. We catch it and we fix it. And we have paper ballots to check just in case. Yes. And by the way, the person who made the mistake wasn't Republican. Yes, it's a Republican fucking county.

Everybody there's Republican. This is if there hadn't been real human suffering because of course people have called in death threats and bomb threats ever since, but this is an amazing farce-esque comedy that you could make into a movie if there wasn't so much real human suffering about this tiny shit hole town in the middle of nowhere, Michigan that becomes the center of the QAnon conspiracy because a lady wanted the song drive back before it was done up. But this whole segment is great because this guy, this lawyer, he's the one who like brought the suit in Andrew County.

And he asked so many times to be like, I can't tell you the next thing that I just thought of because I'm getting sued by Dominion for libel. For one point for a billion dollars. Yeah. I'm very excited for the last time I can wear this suit before I have to pawn it and then give that money to me. Yeah, it's a right, right. Exactly.

And then to close this segment out, while he is sitting there next to him, Mike turns to Cameron goes, all right, well, we're gonna show you proof that even Russell doesn't have that straight Russell fuck you Why wouldn't you tell him all the evidence you have you as a surprise party for the With that hard sell he couldn't be more clearly signaling that this should be the interstitial break, and I'm not gonna look at gift to our Sothe mouth. So we're gonna pause right there, but we'll back soon with even more absolute proof.

And to be clear, that's more than none so far. Also, I'm lying. It won't be more than none. Kk, ready? So I'm reaching for the broccoli. Grocery food. Ah, good. You got me. That was good. Hey, guys, have you seen my, guys, are you doing a kumate again?

Because we had a whole meeting about this. Okay, okay. One, we agreed to put a pin in the kumate thing. And two, we're not technically doing kumate right now. Okay, well then what are you doing? Our new martial art, grocery food. Okay, what's grocery food? Great question Noah.

It's the best way to protect yourself at the grocery store. Someone reaches too close to grab a peach when you're right next to him. Grocery food, you get him. Yeah, guy won't stand on the dots at the store. Grocery food. Okay, well I like it, but guys, if you want to cut trips to the grocery store, why don't you just try Hello Fresh? What's Hello Fresh?

They're America's number one meal kit. Hello fresh, cuts out stressful meal planning and grocery store trips. So you can enjoy cooking and get dinner on the table in about 30 minutes or less. I don't know, Noah. Meal delivery, it sounds kind of samey, you know what I mean? Well, hello, fresh offers, 23 plus recipes each week featuring a range of flavors, cuisines and ingredients so you'll never get bored. Okay, but Noah, I'm all special with my diet and stuff. Well, eating healthy has never been easier with local carbs, smart vegetarian and pescatarian options every week and no matter what you choose, every single recipe is packed with fresh produce sourced directly from farmers.

Okay, that sounds good, but do you have anything, I don't know, lazier? Not sure, hello, fresh would love us describing it that way, but yes, hello, fresh is easy, eats offering, has tons of quick and easy meal solutions, like 10 to 20 minute meals, low prep recipes, and quick breakfasts and lunches. Perfect for your busy schedule.

Yeah, I am very busy, that's all you. Hello, fresh set us a box to try. Are you? And not only was the food delicious, it unpacked in seconds. I just grabbed the pre-portion bags from the box and stuck them in the fridge. That does sound easy. All right, Noah. I'm in. Where do I sign up? Just go to hellofresh.com slash awful 10 and use the code awful 10 for 10 free meals, including free shipping. So wait, I go to HelloFresh.com slash awful 10 and use code awful 10 for 10 free meals, including free shipping. That's right. Now, let me see some of that grocery fool you guys were doing. Oh, Keith,

show him steal the grapes. I don't think he's ready for steal the grapes. He's right. You're not ready for steal the grapes. It's a really hard move. Okay. Grape control. All right, everyone. Welcome to Voter adjudication training. First up, Black Lives Matter. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure.

Black Lives Matter, fucking. Yep. Yeah, so it's pretty simple. You take a ballot and you run it into the machine. That, that's a paper shredder, right? Yes, yes it is and it's got 5G straight to China, yes sir. So when the pieces come out, you just write down whoever you wish they'd voted for. You mean who's they voted for on their ballot?

Sure, yeah, throw one of those in there too. Good thinking. Yeah, Chris. Chris is new everybody. Yeah, throw one of those in there too. Good thinking. Yeah, Chris. Chris is new, everybody. Hi, Chris. Gong Chan,黨, the Rong Yao. Not sure what you said there, Chris, but why don't you go hang out in the server room by yourself for a little while, huh? We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. All right, anyway, Stacey Abrams needs the room. She's got a bunch of full trash bags weather,

so let's let her do her thing, huh? Oh, yes, you're thinking. Oh, you got it. Go ahead, Stacey. This is what Michael and Dell things happened for real. Yes, yes, it is. And we're back for more of this shit. Before we get to the big proof that he promised us right

before the break, he asked us to imagine if we dare a world without Michael and Dell. a world where deprived of a good night's sleep that my pillow had just afforded us. We didn't know about whatever the hell it is he thinks he stole us so far. Yes, we would be then as well. Yes, yeah, exactly. If it wasn't for brave souls like Mike Lindell and Russell what's this name? I love he starts trying to explain here how they caught the Whoever the fuck they're saying cheated cheating, right? He says all right, so what we did is we went into these public records and we got the machine code and we added up all the ones on the zeros

Why why would she do that man also also? You'd just be adding up the ones you the zeros. Why would she do that? Man, also, also you'd just be adding up the ones. You don't add seriously. I feel like your friend was just like, you get the ones. I'll get the zero. That would do nothing to tell you what code it was. I know. This is in Texas too. That voted for Trump. They counted the zeroes and ones in all of Dallas's voting and that number of binary digits got bigger, which kind of makes sense to me. It seems like as you added information, that number of digits. So overall number of ones would increase. Yes.

Well, and then, but so Mike Lindell points out that none of anything that happened in the last 25, 30 minutes of this movie matters because he's like, well, right, but, but you said they were cheating in Texas, but Trump won Texas. So Russell has to explain that and he says, well, you're right, because they knew I was on to them because I had already told the freedom caucus about the shit that I found. So they were too scared to cheat. I will, too scared to cheat more than the cheating. I just said that I caught him.

Like, they weren't scared enough not to leave a public record that I could find despite not knowing that he can't add zeros, but not enough to cheat all the way to Biden winning. Yes. Did he also claim that he caught people watching Netflix on their poll book? What is he talking about? Okay, so this, because I spend so much time

on the Great Awakening.win, which is my favorite QAnon website, I actually know what this theory is. It is a video with no context, but it goes around the Q and on space of a woman on an iPad that is apparently her poll book. It's not, but on an iPad watching Netflix. And that's proof that the poll books were connected to the internet.

What's amazing about that is we have no reason to believe that that was that woman's poll book. We have no idea what that's a video of. And more importantly, you can watch Netflix when it's not connected. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're on the internet. Also, pretty sure a poll book is not a voting machine. That's different.

That's things. Yeah. But they're like, no, it's pretty much the same. Look at this close up of a router with the blinking light. As you can see, every blink is a hacker. Every single blink. They're hacking the Netflix public. This is also they constantly reference affidavits, which is a legal speaker. So whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, but they have an affidavit from a lady who said she got put on hold. And then they answered her question. Who wins it? That is what it, that's what it boils down to.

Yes. The whole time is smoking gun here. Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. So and then Russell decides he's going to explain how the filthy spaniards are involved, right? And I had to write down this quote again, I you know

I only had so many of these in me, but I wrote I had to transcribe a few of them So this is another amazing question from Mike quote You know, we all heard this we all heard this about this Italy thing and That it went to Italy and Germany when they had to on the, I guess this would be in the middle of the night on November 4th. Is this something? Would you, would, would you know anything about that? I mean to, I mean so they, what, what, what we've all heard out there is that it went over there. Some guy even admitted he did it, which we're going to have his affidavits up here. But what do you, what's your opinion on that elbow ground?

Okay. Look, if Russell just stared at him for 45 seconds and gone, what? That's credits. That's the blackout right there. Also, this is where Russell says that he used standard white hat tools. First of all, I don't want to get too into computer stuff, not a thing. And he's lying. Right. But if he wasn't lying, he'd be admitting into hacking into election software. Right. Yes. He is. It's what he's claiming he didn't. But like, someone's weekend was ruined because that guy said that sentence. So they now have to go to his like, abacus factory that he thinks is a cybersecurity company and be like, hey, did you say on national television that you hacked into our election security and he's going to be like, well, well, well, well, well, I'm a giant liar is my defense

here, which is actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the valid defense. Few I'm a giant liar. Did he claim that they found a piece of malware called Q snatch? Yes, that was the tatters hackers wrote a program and they gave it a vote steely title. Well, it's no fun if you're not, if you get show off a bit. Okay.

So a little history on Q Snatch here. Q Snatch is the, I'm going to say snipe hunt of right wing idiot internet hacking, which is basically this goes around whatever pseudo science, pseudo crypto circles occasionally. And Q Sn snatch is just sort of the catch all term for like, yeah, they're using it to steal your Bitcoin. They're using it to take pictures using your iPhone. They're using it to hack into your grandma's vaccine appointment and microchip instead. And when you Google Q snatch, you sadly do not get porn. What you get is I was hoping for Cuber porn. I was. Yeah.

Right wing idiots making up on their blogs and my favorite one post on stack exchange of someone being like, hello, I would like to buy one Q snatch, please. Before 19,000 programs are like, you're an idiot. And then the post gets closed for being an illegal request. One of my key stats for some reasons. Reasons. Oh, so, okay. So we're done with Russell. We now cut over to Dr. Shiva.

I loved her. How? I adore you, but Mike is not going to even try to pronounce that last name. It's Iodora. Yes, Iodora. I'm hard to say. Well, not just item one is he can't pronounce that name, but item two is if you Google Dr. Shiva, a bunch of stuff comes up. If you

Google Dr. Shiva, I adore, I it's like liar. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Oh, you're right. Yeah. So the very first sentence on his Wikipedia page is Shiva Ayadore is an Indian American engineer politician entrepreneur and promoter of conspiracy theories, pseudo science and unfounded medical claims. The second sentence is Ayadore makes the widely disputed claim to have invented email. And they say widely disputed because it's Wikipedia. So they don't just say fucking lie, but he tells the lie that he invented email. He was born in 1963. The first email was sent in 1971. Yeah, it's widely disputed because he invented it like 10 years after they invented it. According to his thing, when he was two, yeah, if you want a fun internet rabbit hole to

go down, follow Shiva. I hadorise attempt to walk back this claim through the years. And the last Gokka interview, he was like, okay, I was the first person to make a smiley face in an email, okay. You can't prove that wasn't me. You can't use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to but I invented the BCC and the CCC. No, you didn't, they were all doing that. No, well, I invented it. It was like, oh, why on a great influence? No, no influence whatsoever. It's like, also, you started making this claim

30 years after the fact, why did it not occur to you to take credit for 30 fucking years? I want to talk about his four MIT degrees. Oh, yeah, right. That fucking, the movie doesn't, they just want to mention him and not tell us what degree they are. So normally you would just say has a PhD from, right?

Because there's degrees you get along the way. This is like me saying, I have two degrees, one from Binghamton High School and the next from the college I went to. And one black belt degree from the Taikwondo School of Clinton strip to black belt degrees. You know, what do you want to do? Grease. Yeah. Also 98 other ones in the form of my temperatures. So yeah, but the point he's trying to make Dr. Shiva, he's saying like, okay, well, I'm the world's top expert on, you know, paper to

computer stuff. And that's going to relate today. You know, email, it's paper turned into a computer. That's valid. So here I am as the expert of ballot paper computer stuff. Well, yeah, no, he proves that he says he's built, he says I built a system to choose by the largest fortune 1000 companies. I'm like, well, not the largest are you to use the term fortune 500 companies, which

is an actual term that people use. He's the old fortune 5,767 of which I'm proud to say our company is a part. Oh, Jesus Christ. I love. So now this guy, he lost a Republican primary in Massachusetts, right? And is convinced that he got cheated out of his victory because he's way better than the other guy, right? That's his entire evidence. Like I spent more money. I'm better than that guy. I come on. I lost the white counties, the black counties, and the Hispanic counties. What are the odds? I'm like, dude, you lied about inventing email.

The odds are overwhelming. He also, he's trying to blame the Republican establishment and he's like, they don't want a bottoms up guy like me. I'm like, hey, Dr. Shiva, but he sure that bottoms up guy like you is not what you mean to call yourself. I mean, maybe it is. So we're time to plug that. And then he starts explaining his theory about the voting machines.

He's like, okay, so with a voting machine and my client don't just sit and he's like, let me stop you right there. Machine. You said machine just now, didn't you? It's the machines and he's like, yeah. Okay. So one of my favorite games to play with this movie is to just every time he says the machines, you substitute precious bodily fluids in your mind. Oh, that's an excellent one. Right after the machine's thing, he has this moment where he's like, yeah, yeah, because

you're a scientist and an engineer and Dr. She Shiva's trying to throw him a bone and goes, yeah, you're a scientist in an engineer of marketing. Pillow. So often. In engineer. In Mike Lindell just clothes with happiness at that. He's like, yeah, I'm also a scientist. I'm pretty much.

How many degrees did I just get from you saying that? You know, some of them are rectangles, but like I was actually exploring a thing where you don't use it. We are both engineers. Yes. Yep. That's all of us. We're the same.

And in the point that Dr. Shiva is ultimately building to a round all of Lindell's interruptions, this is the first time I was convinced of the blackout is because his gas told him to shut the fuck up. So we blackout, we come back. He's in the middle of still making the point he was trying to make for for Mike, kind of off. And what he's saying is that he put a tweet out, accusing the secretary of state of Massachusetts of a felony, and then the secretary of state called Twitter and Twitter took it now because it's illegal for them to leave it up, right? But he's presenting this as like,

and now suddenly the government can tell Twitter what it can and can't do is like when it's committing crimes. Yeah, the government tells everybody what they can and can't do. That's what that is. But I don't think it was like, hello. This is Massachusetts. The state. Please cut down Dr. Sheva. I'm sending you a tweet that accuses me of a felony and another one that says I'm a fatty pants. Please take them both down. Love Massachusetts. The state. But of course he mentions Twitter so Mike has to go off. He's like, oh, oh, oh, I know about Twitter. I'm gonna bitch about that for a second. Well, and what's amazing is this is the hard cut central of the movie, right?

Cause he's like, oh, oh, oh, Twitter, the time stamp in space like China hard cut comes back up. So the other thing about Twitter hard cut comes back up. So the other thing about Twitter, hard cut comes back up. We watch them try and fail multiple takes where he doesn't obviously, feloniously commit a crime on camera. Yeah, I kept calling, I was calling these the yada yada yada wives. So Dr. Shiva explains that, you know, if you respond to a jury summons, it can only be because you're a shield for the government too. Right.

And this is where he explains to us that in his Republican primary, his votes were multiplied by 0.666. That's right everyone The not number of the beast. Yeah, one one thousandth of the number of the bee What's amazing here is that even doctor she was like man shut the fuck up Give you goddamn right I'm just I'm going for two thirds. Okay See when he said that I literally wrote in my notes. Well, this was fun. What podcast do you guys want to do now? We're not topping 0.666.

This is also where he starts talking directly to Bill Barr. He is very sure as watching. He's like, Bill came out and said there was no election fraud. Bill, watch us say it. Bill, call me back. I'm texting you. I'm texting. It's doing the three dots, but then there's no message.

I think it's the, are your servers in Germany? I think maybe you accidentally went and back and marked it on red. It feels like that must have been a mistake. You couldn't have done that on purpose, right? You meant to get back to me. Well, he starts bitching about Twitter again. he goes, you know what they did is they went after my integrity. I'm like, well, it's a good thing you hit it so well, Mike. Oh, and then he goes, Oh, and Jack Dorsey, if you're listening, he's not dude dude having to watch party with William Barr. And the Supreme Court will find out later. Yeah, he's talking to Jack Dorsey and he's like, yeah, so Twitter shut down my movie unplanned and I was like, did that?

Because I saw that in theaters and I don't think Twitter controls. He continues it for two hours. They shut down on only Twitter for two hours and then back up. I will say though, this is the first time that Mike Lindell goes full God win and starts talking about how this is exactly what they did in Nazi Germany. I'm like, they were over half way. We should be proud of them on that. Yeah, good for you, buddy. Dr. Sheva is just sliding his chair further and further away. Yeah, you could just watch him regretting all his life choices. This is also where we learn that all the journalists are also watching. Yeah, he has this great mind. He's like, journalist, if you're watching, you call me.

You call me. You want to trick me into saying that I'm the Batman, even though I am the Batman, I go out and might try and fight people who don't use my pillows But why don't you be a real journalist and break the story of me yelling with a known fraud and idiot Into the camera at OAN until our lawyer passes out from having to push the blackout button so much huh? What you tell that story? He says instead of, hey CNN and the New York Times and Washington Post instead of running stories about how I'm committing defamation, maybe you should commit defamation. Maybe you should run the story about social media de-platforming by private companies just like Nazi Germany. I lost my Twitter account just like the Jewish people there.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I remember that scene in Schindler's list, right? Where he was standing. It was rough on it because they couldn't get it. This tweet is a life. This car is a life. First they came for parlor. All right. so then Dr. Shiva escapes while he still can and we're introduced to the next guest, Patrick Colbeck. Giant head. Sorry. Funko pop of the bobble. Sean Hannity named whatever the fuck, Patrick, something. Yeah, so Patrick is another failed politician who's convinced that he was cheated out of something or something. This is a guy who once accused a political rival of being a terrorist because he was a Muslim.

He's a politician out of Detroit or the Detroit area. This is one of my best, this is one of my favorite fadeouts too. He's like, so yeah, I was a poll challenger, an official poll challenger in Detroit. And here's what happened. Yes. Yeah. And I was like, noenger, an official poll challenger in Detroit. And here's what happened. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, no, no, no, I want you to finish your thought this time. You were going to say Sydney Powell filed a lawsuit about this Detroit thing in fucking

Wisconsin and nothing happened because she's neared. Oh, I also loved how he brags because everyone has to do the like I'm a cyber cyber words that are impressive to your grandma and he's like I did cabling design on the space station which is true to be fair. He actually did do that and then he's like and I was a a Microsoft small business technician. He was a computer salesman to a local staple like that's what that means. Right. Yeah. And then and then sometimes I would go into an insurance salesman's office and be like, oh, these computers are old. Do you want new ones? No. Okay. Bye. Yeah. And in that capacity in, in my expertise, how I just described, I went in there and I found a physical wire that went from Detroit to, to Joe Biden's.

But a wire went from a box to somewhere. I don't know. I'm pretty sure is China or Joe Biden. It's some point he makes the argument that if one computer in the room is connected to the internet, then all the computers in the room are connected to the internet. Yes, that is my favorite quote from the entire movie. If one computer is connected to the internet, they're all connected to the internet. He says it.

One way he goes, well, you know, just because it's air gap doesn't mean that somebody can't break into it from a farm like that. This is precisely what that does literally literally air gap means never wants to be in and all in any way. He goes, he goes, yeah, and they have firewalls, but some people he firewalls for breakfast. And I say that not because it's particularly funny, but if you watch this movie, watch Mike Lindell's reaction to that because Mike Lindell in his crazy cook brain is picturing someone eating a wall made of fire for breakfast.

You can see his little beanie reptilian eyes being like, oh, that would be hard. Yes. It's the snap in front of his face to bring him back. My, my, sorry, I shouldn't have said fire while that's on me. I'm gonna stop picturing that stuff. No, it's not. Water wall.

Water wall. There you go. You're fine. Oh, alright, well, steam wall, steam wall. what I was. What a wall. What a wall. There you go. You're fine. Oh. All right. Well, steam wall, steam wall. God damn it. Okay. All right.

Well, I'll tell you what, it's a good thing the movie blacked out just then because it was the movie or me. So we're going to take another quick break. But first, let me give it a act through the hard. So will you be convinced by his evidence? Would it even be theoretically possible to be convinced by his evidence? What does he think evidence means? I've been Interdicted by his evidence

The answers to these questions and more when we return for the surprise QED conclusion of absolute proof Hey everyone welcome back to what feels like the 98 hour of this two hour movie I'm Michael at Dell and if you pause the movie at any point, you can see my absolutely destroyed nasal canal. Our next guest up is a guy on the subway who told me demons are in his blood. So, so, so, so, what, what, what, what,

would you say those demons in your blood had anything to do with this election? Oh, yeah, totally, man. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, new, interesting, and true information. Sure, man, can I get that 20 bucks now, though? Hey, I said how'd you like to make 20 bucks? Not that I'd give you 20 bucks.

Oh, fuck, man. Business. All right, now there's proof of evidence, certainly truth right here. Next up is a Post-It Note that I wrote the word Trump won the election on. Tell us a little bit more about that, Post-It Note. Uh, you're full of shit, man. I'm just a Post-It Note. Oh, damn it.

Well, the Post-It Notes are correct in me again. So let's take a hard blackout. Well, I smoked some more crack out of an apple in the bathroom We come back more of this forever because you're in hell and this movie is eternal. I hate you. I'm quiet post it note I do though And so then I traded my wheat for corn get it? Yeah Get it? Yeah, kind of. Uh, did a missile just come out of your t-shirt?

Yeah, sorry about that. Do you like it? No, dude, it destroyed my bookshelf. Why did you put a missile in your t-shirt? Oh, I was trying to compete with cuts clothing. What's cuts clothing? Oh, they've taken a classic men's fashion staple, the plain tea, and they refined it, combining premium quality with a minimalist aesthetic.

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Let's kick off 2021 the right way. Starting with your wardrobe, get 15% off your first order by going to cuts clothing. calm slash cam. That's cuts clothing. calm slash cam for 15% off the only shirt worth wearing. That does seem pretty cool, guys. Thanks. Oh, Eli, you got a little spot on your... No, don't.

A parachute? Parachute, yes. Okay. And we're back for still more of this shit, and at this point, perhaps sensing that my interest might be flagging Mike trots out Melissa Corona. That's Giuliani's notoriously drunk and witness at the Michigan hearing.

This is as you take them in the back and do something of them then. It's that way. They got her to stop drinking for an afternoon. Clearly, which is impressive, but it's very clearly the person who is always drunk being sober for the first time in a month. And her hair is in its nicest beehive. And she's like, she doesn't know how to walk in heels when she's not wobbling. It's fucking amazing.

Well, it's so, now honestly, this is just for me and like, I don't know, 3% of our listeners, but she sounds so goddamn Michigan. This is what I consider like, because I haven't grown up in Detroit. This is what I consider babysitter accent, okay? So. And we should point out, Melissa Karone is going to get the the hook suit out of her by Dominion. So this is obviously her testimony here,

is what she thinks she can get away with without getting extra sued by dominion. And it has dissolved from I watched them, you know, destroy pamphlets and write in Biden instead of Trump too. I didn't see anyone voting for Trump. Right. Yeah. She says that all the votes she saw, none of them were for Trump. That's all she's willing to say at this point. Yeah. She watched allegedly, she walked around machines for like 22 hours, and all of them said, just Biden and big red letters, the screen, a good story. Just for context, she's talking about when they were counting mail-in ballots, which

were like 80% Biden. Yes. Also, she was black out drunk and we know that for a fact. Yeah. That's because she existed. Well, no, but no, because the owner of Dominion Polter aside at one point, when she started asking questions,

to say X, N, on the Oat-Ve Ealing stay, I believe. That's, she literally says that the part owner of Dominion Polter to the side and says, hey, look, I don't want to hear about any problems that you're finding. Yeah. And Lindell is like, oh, do you want to say who that were? Bum bum bum bum. You're a beer beer.

You're a beer beer. Feed back in, Lindell. What? That is amazing. What you just taught me. You're amazing. Feed up. Bum bum bum bum bum.

Right. So let's get to the heart of Karone's idiocy, right? I mean, straight up for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for and then they would make sure it had registered. And then if it hadn't registered, they would feed it in again. And Melissa Carone, through the 19 Apple Teenie, she had had it that all you need to see is her. And was like, oh my God, they're running for a thing. And you'll buy them twice in her room. Oh. Which she explains to us now by saying that what the policy was supposed to be,

and these are her words, when it jammed, they were supposed to throw them away and then rescan them. You know, after they had thrown the battle. Still if she did actually pull the head of Dominion aside, I would love to be a fly on the wall during that conversation. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Melissa. Again, you don't have to raise your hand. You can just, yep, go ahead. Where am I, Shiz? For the third time, Melissa, feet. They're on your feet. You know that. Oh, cool.

Look, I don't want to be like a bitch, but I've noticed a pretty serious. You're a regular toy. Some stuff that's bad. Irregularity? Yeah. Okay. What's up? So, like the numbers are like way too high.

Like, this one's a 40. You're holding an empty container of malt liquor. Yeah, and it used to be a 40 yep Coincidence no no, and I beg you to stop drinking it. We're trying to do a thing exactly and another thing All right, all right. I Haven't seen anyone vote for Donald Trump, the president. Yeah, well, no one is voting right now, unless we're counting the votes. Then how do we know who's prom queen? Again, nobody's gonna be the prom queen. So I've boarded this to you for nothing?

Yes? Whatever. Where's everyone going after? Home? You guys wanna go to Danny's I was fucking kill a grand slam right now. No, no nobody wants to You told me to stop standing next to you blackly. Well, you were okay. See that right there That's what I'm talking about you can't say that I send a sex tape myself to my boyfriend's ex-wife I know you did Melissa everybody knows you did. I got in sex tape myself to my boyfriend's ex-wife. I know you did. Melissa, everybody knows you did. I got in trouble.

Yup, you did. Yup, read about it. Where are my shoes? Okay. Okay, Anna's amazing. Eli, you're fired. It's fair. If we could just get Anna to do an entire review

as Melissa Coro. Patreon Gold. Patreon Gold. Patreon Gold. All right, so he kicks her out because she's like, hey, look, I haven't had a drink at his 2.13 PM already. So, will you blow into this second drive myself on? So then he introduces Matt DePerno.

But he's got a pretty good plan for his little section here. He wants to get a DA killed. Yes, that's his goal. Uh huh. Oh, shit, this was some scary shit. Yeah. So he's back to talk about Antrim County a little bit more.

And the way he tells the story, everybody voted and then they saw the next day that their county had gone for Biden and then they all got together at a town meeting and said, hey, did you vote for Biden? Well, I didn't vote for Biden. And then so they had to sue the county to get him to change the numbers. None of that's true. None of it. None of it is true. And Mike Lindell, by the way, keeps embellishing it. Like, and then they all got together and did a musical number where they were like, we're looking for no pom-ee. We're looking for no pom-ee. He's got a high-stovey going on in his head. No, the county just completely admitted there like we tried to scotch tape an ethernet cable

to a thing. Yeah. Got it wrong. A lady probably took a thumb drive out too early. That's what probably happened. They're still investigating, but they're like, yeah, no, I'm telling you, they were like, oh, that's trouble.

Trouble in Garas City. How about I? No, Melissa Carone walked up and down our rows and she bumped all the way. Let me drive that with her chin. This is an idiot, stumbling. Oh my God, is that lipstick in the computer? GAME.

No, it's metal. So, is that lipstick in the computer? Gammay. No, it's metal. Is this one lipstick? No. No. This one? No. And then we black out fade and cut to them looking over a bunch of unidentified documents with numbers on them, right?

So it just fades out and when it comes back, we're like going like, well, these are very interesting documents that you've had. Well, it sounds very interesting. That's a good stuff. Like there are there was a very convincing, right? Yeah. And just one thing. So this is, I believe supposed to be the forensic report done by Matt's forensic experts. And if you're wondering what kind of experts we're dealing with, I put a link in our notes here, but Matt asked the judge to keep all of his forensic experts a secret. Yes, yes.

Yeah. The judge was like, what? He was like, yeah, I don't want anyone to know who my forensic experts were, but I'll like tell you what they said. And the judge was like, no. How did you ever think the lower thing? And by the way, his forensic expert, the Russell guy from before the guy who whistled when he talked.

That dude sure, yeah, but they're looking over this their evidence and what they've got once again is these numbers out of Antrim. And if you don't tell anybody to story, it's really damning, right? Because it has what they reported out that night and then what the actual votes were. And they're way off like the actual the report that night was then what the actual votes were. And they're way off. Like the actual, the report that night was heavily in favor of Biden. The actual votes were heavily in favor of Trump because of the aforementioned problem with the thumb drive and the mistake that they have freely admitted and immediately said, oh, yeah, yeah, we got to do a hand

recount. We'll figure this out and fix it. SkyNet Terminator Apocalypse. The machines are coming. Michael and Del says it's the machines in a scary voice 19 times in this movie. Yes, he does. He's also, he can't stop doing that like magician over proving thing. He's like, and we've never met before this, right? I didn't tell you what part of it.

I know, I just went out collusion between you and I. Now would you please examine up my sleeves? Or, you know? Right, and so the big gotcha that he reveals Pinocchio illusion between you and I. Now would you please examine up my sleeves? Or is it? Yeah. Right. And so the big gotcha that he reveals at this point is, you know, they say that those voting machines aren't connected to the internet, but here, right here, you can see under instruction book, how did network the machines?

So it's not a secret. It's in the fucking manual. That sounds like a manual. That's what a manual would say, no? Yeah. This is amazing because they don't understand the difference between connecting the computers to each other and connecting the computers to the internet in the sky. Right, no, no, network is internet in their minds.

That is all that fucking shows you, right? And they later show a different one that shows you how to connect the machine that reports out the votes. Yeah, because they were hoping when they opened the manual, it would be like a picture of a carrier pigeon with numbers written on it's skull. They just open up the cage and that's how you report out the votes. I love to, one way to go, now we don't know who did this

and Mike's like, I know, I know, I'm gonna tell him at the end is you don't know, but I know and Mike's like I know I know I'm gonna tell him at the end Is you don't know but I know is it the machines always I'm gonna tell him at the end and I'm just like dude Why are you interviewing people if you know more than all of them? Oh? There will not be we've talked about it a couple times There will never be a guest who finishes a sentence in this movie where Mike doesn't turn to camera and be like I can actually tell you about that. I mean, I'm assuming they won't black out while I'm saying that information

because even my lawyer won't let me say that, but I trust me. Trust me. Yeah, this is where Matt DePerno is like, so at 11 o'clock, 3 p.m. And Michael does like, oh, shit, I know what's gonna happen. And Matt DePerno is like, nope, I wasn't making a big point yet.

I was just saying what the time wasn't making a big point yet. Yeah, exactly. The time it was. It's a big one. I just want to cut into tell everybody that I already knew the first half of your sentence before you said it. Go ahead and say the second half of it. I just want everybody to know that this is not new information to me. You know, I'll say the sentence and then you say, I'm going to repeat it.

Now, now, now you go, oh, I know it's about. You say, um, I'm actually not allowed to say what I want to say next because I'm going to get sued by black. Exactly. Right. He says, like, well, you know, we issued a report. Now they seem to think that they're going to fool us into thinking because it has the word report on the top of it. It's some legal document or something, but like you and I can release a fucking report. And that's what this is, right? This is just their fucking thing that they released, which the AP described as a day lose of false claims. And Mike's like, I bet Twitter suppressed your reports just like

they do with my pillows and my movies, huh? And not only is this so full of shit that when they passed it, passed the judge to be like, hey, we know we're in the middle of getting sued, but can we put our big lie report out? The judge was like, I mean, yeah, it's bad for your fucking case. It's not Google Maps to anybody's house. So sure, it's technically legal. And they use that as an argument in their favor. He's like, and Michael and Delan's like,

well, the judge said you could put this out. Didn't they? And I was like, that's not the judge saying it's true. Right. The judge simply said it was not illegal for you to put that out at this time. That's all the endorsement that judge gave. You can do a math problem wrong during a court.

Don't let you do it for a second, I guess. You're wrong. I'd like to submit into evidence, my fan fiction of me and Captain Kirk making sweet, sweet love on Star Trek. Yeah. Okay. It's in. It's evidence.

So it happened now. So yeah, exactly. And he keeps saying, like, well, you know, the information in our report, if revealed, I'm like, I can read this report online right now. Like, I can't share it on Facebook and Twitter because it's bullshit about the election. You know, it's a lie about who the president is, but I can go read it if I want. It's not being suppressed. I have to find it through duck, duck duck go because you're a fucking crazy person,

but I can't invite find it. Yeah. You can go shout it in a public square, Mike Lindell. In fact, I think you should do that. Yeah. I think you should spend some time doing that better use of time and my perfectly legal. In fact, I think you're doing that right now. You dumb fuck and they go a little blackout happy here too, because they start talking about the CEO of Dominion software. It's like the judge said that we could blackout, but the information we've revealed, the CEO of Dominion software, blackout, struggle. Like you can hear the lawyer being like, please, Jerry, please don't get the camera back

up. I'll suck a dick, Jerry. I'll make you feel so good if you don't turn the camera back up. This is when they do a fade out during a sentence that doesn't actually get cut off too. They just like do it after you're paid out. And I'm pretty sure the editor just want to bet there, but they did so many, so many black outs. And then they pay back in and it's again, Mike Lindelby and like, wow, just wow.

Wow. That was amazing what I just heard and you did not. So of course they keep going back to the Andrew County thing and like this is the fourth time they've gone back to the well on this. So that's a real good indication that you don't have any good evidence when you have to just keep using the same evidence over and over and over again. But I only bring it up again because he points out like he's like, we all heard about Andrew County. And that's how we introduce this everything. We all heard about acts. It's never such and such a reputable news agency reported on something, right? It's always just we heard about. And that's enough.

Right. Well, it's Fox News speak for dummies, right? Cause Fox News does that. That's their trick of being like, people are saying that Obama's a Muslim. So they can get away with saying it, but it's for idiots. So he's just like, you know, a lot of people are saying, here's the phone number of the man I want you to kill. Did I get it?

Am I good? A great philosopher once said the interim, it might have been socrates or me earlier I forget who rumors about would you like to buy some coke for me air tight. Then with all the grace and subtlety of Louis CK flirting, we cut to a video of Dominion's director of strategy and security at some voting equipment ex-mo freely admitting to all the shit that they're saying is a secret And they're just being so cool. They're just getting asked questions and being like oh, what um

What's the connection technology every jurisdiction can choose whatever they want or you know not at all Whatever you want to do to report the numbers and it's like aha right What all what everyone to do to report the numbers. And it's like, aha, right. What? Aha, what? Well, and what's amazing is they're too stupid to know that it disproves their point. Right, because the questions which are pointed at important are like, hey, is everything on a VPN?

And he's like, yeah, man, it's all on a VPN. It's a cellular modem VPN. So you can connect it to any networks, but inside the machine is a virtual private network so it can't be hacked into, except all they're hearing is, so I could download their pornography onto that thing is what you're saying.

Right, I could get the Disney Plus. Can we watch Netflix on it? No, no. Also, just more generally, this whole thing, none of this matters, none of the things they're saying matters because 90% of votes have a physical paper trail. Right, we check it, we can check it. Yes, in fact, the 2016 election has more doubt

in terms of a paper trail, because it was more like 80% at that point. The only places in 2020 that didn't have a paper trail were some counties in Texas, Tennessee, Louisiana, Mississippi, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, and New Jersey? None of those states are mentioned in this movie. None of them were disputed.

No, not even remotely. Yeah. She says, oh, and then we have probably by a favorite jump kind of this entire fucking movie, which is where they're looking over a just a random fucking chart. And Mike Lindell opens up this scene going like, well, what's that? It looks like it was manipulated. What? That's exactly how he says it now.

I guarantee you this is the result of him saying, no, no, no, just I'll come into this naturally. Trust me. I'll I'll lead you to it. I'll take it from the top. Holy fucking shit. A spider. No, Mike. Yes.

Mike, every time you don't know what to say, you can't say there's a spider. No, Mike. Yes. And every time you don't know what to say, you can't say there's a spider spider. Michael's going FBI. No, but I love this chart because this chart is the proof that they injected the votes in, right? Yes. And the way that you would show that is that only Joe Biden had votes injected in at those spots, except that's not what the chart shows. It very clearly shows both candidates having votes counted. No, but there's a red circle around those. Oh, right.

There was a red circle. And that's why would you put a red circle around something if it was innocent. But yeah, that's the chart we're looking at. It's an hour by hour tabulation or something like that of the votes coming in in Michigan. And of course, there are points where like, you know, Wayne County reports, the, you know, the county was destroyed in it or whatever. So there's a huge spike. And of course, whenever there's a huge spike, it's generally going to be a big advantage

for the Democrats because the Democrats get a lot more fucking votes out of large cities. So we're seeing this chart where it's just like a little bit of red, a little bit of blue, a little bit of red, a little bit of blue, a ton of red,, a little bit of blue, ton of red, a little bit of blue. And they're like, mmm, looks like some manipulation. No, the fuck it doesn't. It looks like Detroit voted too. Yeah, there's not a guy like hand delivering ballots one at a time with perfectly even placing one by one state in paid for me. We go like this. This is speed of both four, two, five, three, six, four, seven. I lost count. We have to start all the election over.

We have to bring everyone back in. He goes, there's a point where Mike Lindell looks at his, because he says, you know, we don't know where this giant spike here comes from. And Mike Lindell, of course, as well, I do. I'm going to tell you later. I'll show you the evidence. Could it be China? Yes.

I'm like, you're fucking up. But he's doing you don't say you say. And then this is my favorite line in the whole goddamn movie in terms of scale. How would you say this? How bad. Right. It's relatively the biggest in Mike Lendo's words, quote, the biggest crime against humanity in history.

And what's worse than the Holocaust, the Havata more, the institution of slavery. I mean, I'll say this, I am sure that Mike Lendell thinks this is worse than the Holocaust, the Holocaust, the Constitution of slavery. Some of which might not have even happened, yeah. Yeah, according to Mike Lindell, for sure, yeah.

So, and maybe this is too narrowcast, but I worked as a professional magician for years. And I can't tell you how many times I was stuck after like a corporate gig listening to a coked up Mike Lindell do exactly this monologue. I became nostalgic. It was very injured when he was just like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was just like, oh, man, do I smell like Scotch? And am I waiting for my Uber to get you?

You should open a restaurant. Yeah. Totally. There's a great investments. All right. And then we cut back from our fucking mid sentence fade out when we have a tweet in the background. And I love this tweet.

So goddamn it. So this is Dana Nestle Michigan's attorney general. She sends out a tweet that basically says, Hey, you know, when you file frivolous lawsuits, you risk losing your license practice law, you riskbarment and and and censure and he's presenting this as like look at this they're trying to chill the opposition they're trying to scare us like yeah from filing frivolous loss while trying to chill her speech right right the only way it's more ironic is that he's like can you believe them trying to shut down my speech I sure hope someone pretends to murder that lady man because that would really free up the speech if I showed people who were screened for fucking

mental illness before they watched this her Twitter and told them that she was coming for their bodily fluids. Yeah Jesus Christ at one point they show the tweet again in CB a toe with with that Vaderian theme rising behind it. Yeah. Trying to use a tweet as a pop scare. There's also a point. Okay.

This is Mike Lindell Peak stupidity here. At one point, he's talking to this guy, he's pointing at the tweet. They've got it on a screen behind him. And he asked the guy to remind him the woman's name, who sent it. He's reading it. He's like, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it remind me your name, did it, he's like Dana, Dana, that's how I pronounce the A with a circle around one. What the what's the pound sign? Do an octo thought I don't understand any of this. God damn umluts coming to our country.

He goes, well, now here you've got one of the few cases with 100% proof. I'm like, well, if you have 100% proof, why are you so worried about being disbarred for filing frivolous fucking lawsuits? You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the lawyers mini breakdown here where he's like, people challenge elections, okay?

They do. They challenge elections with secret forensic teams that they don't want anyone They go on Oyan after a 90-second disclaimer in a movie filled with hard blackouts to defend those challenges Stop and then we get blocked by Dana Nessa. This is tyranny tyranny. Can you hear the people? But seriously, give me a Twitter back. We'll want our Twitter back.

And again, he doesn't realize that this is working against his point, right? He's pointing out that yes, people challenge election results all the time. And it doesn't end like this. None of this shit happens. So clearly you're allowed to do it. You're just not allowed to do it the way you fucking idiots are doing it. And one last thing about this, he talks about the Washington Post interview, which I looked up and by the way, I don't blame him for not quoting it because she's like, you guys

are fucking idiot who shouldn't be a lawyer. But he's like, she told the Washington Post some bad things. I'm not going gonna say what she said Even show a link to the Washington Post article because the headline is I'm a big fucking fraud Let's just say she went on to the Washington Post and she said she would kill my dog and that's all you need to know Just to be clear Dana Nessel refusing to give Dana Nestle and really the court system refusing to give them unlimited doovers on counting stuff is the conspiracy. Yes. Exactly.

We've done, we've done some doovers. We've done audits. They just won't give you unlimited doovers. Right, that's it. Right, when I showed up at Olive Garden the next day, they said I had to buy new breadsticks and I said that wasn't the deal. This is tyranny. And also, okay, I got a point this out to the subplot of this movie. We haven't mentioned it yet. Is Mike Lindell trying to going, it's not a hard name.

Shucker book. What? Sim Sam's walk walk. Let's do it in pieces, buddy. Yeah. Zach, Er,

Er, Berg, Berg, Zuckerberg, Sunken tank. No. I don't know why I thought that would work.

I knew obviously is the last part you're going to get it wrong. He also, he's, this is where he starts introducing the whole like, you know, he's trying to put a positive spin on this. He's like, you know, all this information is going to come out. And then we're all going to be unified. We're all going to buy my pillows and everybody's going to do a same song in the same key.

And it'll just be great. He says it one way. This will reveal all the evil and all the criminals in the country. I'm like all of them bike Like the J Walker's met this illegal. I just want to point out He might as well call it doodly do that we don't see The harps guards going and they just fade out. Right. Right.

Right. You black out your own doodly do me. Yeah. So weird. All right. So now we're an hour and 36 minutes into the movie. The moment we've all been waiting for, he's about to make with the proof. Oh, God, I love the proof.

So it's time to hear from his special guest, Mary Fanding, who couldn't bother to fly out there. Now, she is one of the original authors of the America report, which is the report that like the fucking genesis of, I'd say, 95% of Dominion's lawsuits now. Yeah. By the way, he forgot that she didn't fly out to come see him at his weird desk in his house. Mary Fanding, thanks for on. And he looks over. Yeah.

And nothing's there. And he's like, oh, you're not. Yeah. But he plays it cool. He plays it cool. He's like, don't worry, Mike. Just keep looking in that direction. And he'll be like, oh, make it.

He does a fake handshake. He fixes his hair and looks back up at the screen. I knew you were on the screen. Hello. You thought he was going to put makeup on and be like, just move his lips while she's talking on Skype. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, for those of you who aren't familiar enough with the American report, let me just give you a quick rundown. That Yes, yes, that America has that it used to steal to change. Is real. We interdicted the fuck out of Israel with the hammer. So all right. So

I want to I want you to imagine that all of the yarn and pins and all of Glenn Beck's life were all placed together on one chart over a Mercator projection and then digitized. Okay. Okay. That's what we're going to look at. That is the evidence he's been building to for an hour and 35 minutes is this insanity chart with just lines going all over the world Saying like it's she's going like you can see the individual votes that they're stealing. I'm like where are the vote? He starts zooming in and play a Pac-Man with it's crazy Okay, I have what I believe to be breaking news about this graphic. Okay. The world is flat. I believe this graphic to be flight maps.com. I did. It's certainly what it looks like. I

do not know this to be the case. But if you go to flightconnections.com and type in the random countries that Mary fanning lists during her interview, you get a graphic that looks, I will say it suspiciously similar to the one she tells us is a real time graphic of China hacking us on election night. No place. Wow. Oh my God. Yes. It is the exact same thing like where you can see America twice on it and everything.

Oh no. Okay. I have some questions about this graphic. Wherever it might be from. Please take me there. First question. Why are there colors? Well, because because the red are the most severe attack.

Those are the hackiest of hacks. Yes, the most the most the most severe attack. Those are the hackiest of hacks. Those are the most the most the most hackiest. Got it. Yeah. Well, you know, 66% of the intrusions came from China. If you're wondering where the other 34% came from, go fuck yourself.

Okay. Second question. So we're seeing little arcs going from mostly China into Georgia or whatever showing right. Look, they're shooting hacks at us. That's that shooting hacks. But not direct. Why were we shooting hacks into Europe? They were shooting votes into us. Right. Why would we shoot to hide them? We were hiding votes in Europe. Well, so we were trying to grab some German votes to make up for all the ones trying to keep stealing Also if this isn't a flight map which it fucking is Why are the hacks traveling in an arc to get exactly exactly?

Why are they taking great circle routes and what not? That's the shape of most ethernet cables. Oh, you're right. They are bendy. They are bendy. Yeah. Yeah. The ethernet cables are notoriously parabolic. It's like physics. So.

And so yes, she shows us this chart and that she's about to go on to the conspiracies about her term, the woohan virus. But she stops. She's like, I'm sorry, Mike, do you have any questions before we go on? He's looking at this bad shit crazy fucking map with 9,000 lines going in every possible direction. He's like, no, not really, no.

It's the best. It's the best smoke. Cause look, she is a crazy person and she has a light chart that she's showing an even dumber crazy person who's full of lies. And she's like, Hey man, do you have any questions? But they're both lying and they both at least on some level know it. So he's like, yeah, no, no, nothing that doesn't negate either of our ships. So yeah, he just says each one of these lined arki things is 100% proof each of them.

So we're at like a bajillion percent proof, right? There's a lot of lines. And she's like, that wasn't a question. That's literally his question is, so this chart is 100% proof. Each line. Yep. He says, well, it's our claim written down. So this chart is 100% proof of each law. Yep. He says, well, it's our claim written down. He's like, well, that's the same thing though, right?

That's right. Why don't I show you the colors again? All right. The most depressing moment is like, he's like, you know, this is the same thing I was telling the president when I met with him. I'm like, oh my god, yeah, let's not forget these exact bat shit ramblings were presented in the Oval Office at one point. Right. And by the way, what he presented to Donald Trump was that Donald Trump won the popular vote.

Yep. By 20 million. Look, I get it. Your grandma's an idiot. She grew up in a different generation. She walks Fox News and then BLM's got on there. So now she watches OAN. But if you are so confused as to believe that Donald Trump won the popular vote in this country by 20 million votes, I don't believe you're capable of figuring out pants. I believe he was naked from the waist down. There's no way you managed a button and a zipper and you think,

Donald Trump won this last election by 20 million votes. And then, okay, we introduced this next, please, your God, last guest. I started writing that in the notes like four, a gas, it's not. This is what we talked to general macaroni, a good objective source, like a Trump military advisor would be. Yeah, he comes to us via FaceTime. And for those who aren't familiar with general macaroni, he's the one who would not stop saying China created COVID to distract us from them stealing our election.

So he got fired by Fox fucking news. Yes. Yeah. Too crazy for Fox news. General Matt's distance itself from this guy. He also said that torture worked on John McCain and he called him Songbird John. Yeah. Fox fired him a second time for that or that might have been the first time he got fired by Fox. He also said we should strip search all Muslim men 18 to 28 at the airport every time they come into the country. He also is an 80 year old man in a baseball cap.

So why would anyone take him seriously? And the hat is so big. The weight of this hat is like, he can barely keep it balanced because he's tried to general up his cap, right? Because he reached general when he was in the military and then, you know, time went forward. So he's tried to like put his stars and bars on his little cap. He would, he would look less silly with the accidental cat filter. All right.

And then at one point, Michael and Del was like, you know, I, I got to say one thing that doesn't make any sense about our theory is that we were in control of every relevant governmental department when this happened. Do you have any idea how our idea can even be reconciled with that fact and the general's like, nope. And he's like,. So okay, grandma who was watching this, she's asleep and convinced of her opinions anyways. You could say whatever the fuck you want. If you wanna know how dirty this fucking movie gets at one point, literally there's a blackout. It comes up, Mike says the word yes, and then there's another one. Oh.

And then he tells us again that when this comes out, that they'll have the greatest revival ever and we will be one nation under God. Yes. Uh-huh. This, yeah, his movie is going to save the world. It's like he forgot he was doing this on OAN. So he's trying to bring it back to the Christian message in the last minute.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah. All right. And then he introduces his next and as I wrote in my notes, please, sweet Jesus, I will slice off a finger with a can open or make this the last guest. Terry Turkey. Now he's the former assistant to the regional undersecretary of the Department of Homeland Security or something along those lines. And Mike Lindell introduces him by saying like,

okay, so we've just shown everyone in the world, 100% evidence, whatever the fuck that would mean, that this is a attack on our country. And I'm like, did I, can you give me a time, did I sleep? I fell asleep. Can you give me a timestamp on where the evidence was? Cause 11.03 PM. No?

We don't even know what 100% evidence would be, but I still know you didn't show me that. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he I really be talking about the penetration. I'm like, ooh, take me there, Terry, and then it can get black. So, yeah. And then Mike Lindell starts talking directly to the Supreme Court. He says, I am not making this up. He's like, well, you know, there's gonna be nine Supreme Court justices watching this. It's like, this movie, really? You think so, man?

Maybe six. Oh, yeah. No. Certainly three. Yeah. I mean, look, if you're watching this together, don't let Clarence get you a soda. That's all I'm going to say. He's got this weird prank he does. So, and Mike's like, because this guy used to be in the FBI is so much like, so if you

were still in the FBI, you would probably shoot somebody with a gun about this, right? You do some action sequence with a car chase. He's like, oh, yeah, total action sequence. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Let me tell you. And the closing and this is my favorite part. Mike Liddell's like, thanks for everything you do for the country. And this other guy, this FBI guy's like, oh, you want me to say something back? You too. I think you also too. You too. Pillow. Pillow sales. Pillow engineer. Pillow sales engineer.

Pillow engineer. Yeah. All right. So now Mike is going to take it home, right? The guests are all done. He's looking directly into the microphone. This is the closest to a bit that he's rehearsed that we get. He goes, now you've all seen absolute proof.

And I'm like, what are you even talking about the map, the map with the lines that you did source the flight. Was that the absolute proof? The Charlie lady who wouldn't even come to chart with the hexadecimal on it that I was supposed to you were scrolling through super quick. Was that it? Where was it? Missy, she's mission accomplished. I said. Oh, okay. American stock footage. Yeah. Basically gives us the whole smash that like button speech.

And then he talks directly to the scotus for a little while. And then he quotes Ronald Reagan because of fucking corsita. Time to wake grandma back up. Ronald Reagan. Well, I like him. Well, he was funny. He was in a movie with a monkey. And then we get the little America montage. Right. When we see it order Mount Rushmore, the E.W.A.G. Monument on American flag in front of Purple Mountains, Majesty. Right. Right? They're doubling up the blue angels, the St. Louis arch and I shit you

not literal amber waves of grain. We do. It might as well be soldiers pushing up a flag at Twitter HQ. Fightin' back patriots. So the question to close on it, I think is fairly obvious gentlemen. What the fuck did that guy just say? No idea. Yeah, you got me. You got me. All right, well fair enough. Luckily for us though, here it got off of movies. The lovely and talented Anna Bosnick has turned Mike Lindell's exact words into a song for us that should clear everything up. Hit it, Anna! The biggest thing against humanity and our countries is to attack from these machines.

They've got this open up, this reveal, the machines to where we are right now So what we're gonna watch to win this show Is 100% proof that the big thing was the theft From these other countries that came into attack our country from these machines That are meant to steal elections And we've all seen in the last month You think it wasn't communist Come and to take us over If the vote goes into the adjudication bucket

Whoever's running the voting system Gets to vote that vote however they want There's a pressing cancel culture They're trying to cancel us all out I just seen the churches, the Christian churches They're being attacked right now Well you said before that you could only lose if there was election fraud Even beforehand

If one computer is connected to the internet They're all connected to the internet Wow, so, so, so, everything that died Everybody's been talking about out there That they're trying to suppress saying that they But we, we, we, we heard that machines aren't even online And you're saying that 27 say 2 This and the servers were overseas

So they can go over there and change the vote However they want Send it back Sibly By cyber You know we've all heard of this Oh, we've all heard about this Italy thing And I had it but to Italy

In Germany when they have to be On the, I guess this would be In the middle of the night on the Lamperforth. Oh, is this something? Would you, would you know anything about that? I mean to, I mean so they, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, What are you? What's your opinion on that? Guys did Did Amrit just accidentally write a feedie Bridgers song? That's what it is. Yes, that was bothering me Bridgers. All right, all right. All right. So and well that does it for our event Thank you Anna so much for that amazing job amazing and well that does it for our review of absolute proof

That's not gonna do for the episode just yet because if this movie didn't break us, nothing can. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Oh, don't speak so soon, no illusions, because next week we'll be reviewing Ben Shapiro's mass shootings are the faults of the children who don't fight back with guns hard enough movie. Run. Hide. Fight. Oh my god, I hate to admit. with guns hard enough movie run hide fight. Oh my God, I hate to admit,

I've really been looking forward to this. What? We've had to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 287 to one more simple close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon don't just start at home, make the show go. If you like yourself among the ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God off

when they're by earnably accessed to an entry version of my rep. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms And if you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating a di citation need a D a D minus and the skeptic I available on iTunes to tour wherever else podcasts live if you have questions comments or cinematic suggestions You can email God off movies to gmail.com legal services for this podcast For the by the law of this is a P. Ed retora's her team song was written and performed by Ryan slot You can be able to draft some Mars holiday music was written and performed by all the engineer working Clark

And was used with permission Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heath and right and Eli Bosnick I'm an illusionist promise to work and I'm performed by Ryan Slatt, and you can be able to draft some Mars Hollywood music or something like that on your own. You know, Morgan Clarkson was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heath and right Neili Bosnick, I'm an illusionist from Mr. Warkhard, or earned another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the breakfast club close. Mike Lindell went on to be an extremely important figure in achieving the purple purple purple purple.

Oh, my God. Parkland survivor David Hogg would go on to start a rival pillow company called Good Pillow specifically to bankrupt this asshole, and you can pre-order yours today. That's real. General McInerney continues his quest to fist fight China. I've been entertained and I just can't get enough. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2021 all rights reserved.