God Awful Movies - 305: The Encounter Episode One: The Heist

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

This week, Dan and Jordan from Knowledge Fight are back to take on Pureflix's favorite Jesus in the TV series spin off of their "popular" film The Encounter. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Hear more from Dan and Jordan on Knowledge Fight. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Soy Feliciano López y sé que en la vida no hay nada perfecto, ni el golpe perfecto, ni el partido perfecto. Pero sí hay una energía perfecta y está en perfecta energía, soluciones integrales de energía solar y autoconsumo. Hace como yo entra en perfecta energía.com y cambia de energía. This is not a Jesus with any kind of control of the situation. This is a Jesus who's creating a fucking Rod-surling morality play in order to teach one due to lesson while the collateral damage is those people are psychologically fucked with for the rest of their lives, man. Jesus doesn't go around touching their heads and be like, you won't have PTSD from this. Well, it reminds me of that verse, Romans 312. Uh-huh.

Would you like to play a game? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Movie! Movie! Movie! Welcome back to God Offal Movies. For each week, we watch another terrible movie, so you don't have to. I'm your host Tithen Wright, and I'm joined by the lovely and talented Eli Bosnick Eli. How's it going? BAN! TASTIC HEATH! C-H-H-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R- How's it going? Fantastic, Keith. Great. Okay. You are on a ridiculous delay. We'll figure it out.

Really bad. Dial up whatever you're working with. I am calling into the internet from 1992, everybody. And we also have two veteran massacres. We talk about Alex Jones as a job. They are also veteran massacres. We talk about Alex Jones as a job. They are also veteran massacres on this show too. Dan and Jordan from the Knowledge Fight podcast, gentlemen, welcome back.

Hello. I was gonna also pretend we were on a delay. But I don't have a delay. I have zero delay. This is as fast as I talk. All right, let's get right into it. Dan, what are we going to be breaking down today? We are going to be watching the encounter episode one subtitled The Heist. This we are. It's not a movie. It is a TV show. And as far as I can tell, this is basically like,

the last time we were on, we watched something that was too good. There's too much to talk about. That's correct. And so this time you guys suggested that we watch something that was a barren waste land of anything interesting at all. Okay, so last time Jordan and Dan made the podcast six hours long, what if we give them a 20 minute show, it'll only podcast six hours long. What if we give them a 20 minute show? It'll only be eight

hours long. Yeah. What if we give them a 25 minute long version of bottle rocket without any jokes without any charm. Live action veggie tails with a murder attempt. So who's fun. Yeah, we watched it three minutes of silence. The TV show. We're going to talk about it. It's going to be fun. Some modern art and Jordan, let's be specific more than we already have. How bad was this television pureflix series thing? Um, I believe I would call it just as bad as I'm not going to say 9-11, but I'm not going to say not 9-11. Does that make sense? It was bad.

It was bad. It was like 9-12. It was like 9-11-18. It's a bad, it's a blood-backed show. That's how bad it is. Extremely loud and incredibly close to me. In terms of how bad it was. Great.

Yes. This TV show reigned on Jordan. I'm out of the night. I'm out of the night. What's that about? My boy somehow. I think flight 97 went down. I was in 93 ship.

We shot that down over Pennsylvania. Mark Walbert. All right. Got him. I'm on a delay. It makes it so much worse. Got it. No, you got it in there and you nailed it.

You like said, Mark Walbert, but earlier it was so good when he said it. All right. Trust me, everybody. It was great. Is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna throw in best worst heist with entirely unclear objectives.

I don't know what they were doing. They both sense. Yeah, we'll get to it trying to explain that, but yeah, there's gonna be a heist, but it's nonsense. Yeah, I was gonna go with best worst, so-called good guy with a gun. Yes. When the character's in this, there's, you know,

the gun people, they have that myth of the good guy with a gun, say, in the day. And it, we'll explain exactly what happens, but it goes so goddamn badly right in their face, it's the fucking greatest. Jordan immediately when we turned it on. He was like, is this just a good guy with a gun story? It was tough. It was tough. And then after he didn't fire immediately, I was like, oh, this guy's getting shot. This guy is going to die. For sure. If you've got a good guy with a gun situation, you raise up immediately or you're

getting shot via nailed it. My best worst is I'm going to call this the best worst Jesus. Oh, and that's because I have I have read the Bible cover to cover too many times to notice that Jesus never once successfully opened a safe in the Bible. That's true. That's a fact. And that's unparalleled. That's unparalleled. Jesus in the Bible doesn't have telekinesis. Jesus in the Bible at no point fucking happy gazes his way through a safe.

He never fonds his open a safe. He never fonds his open a safe. No, you know, the epistles. No, that doesn't happen. And honestly, if he had, we'd have been more impressed. I'm just going to say it right now. Totally. Yeah. So how many times have you read the Bible, cover to cover? I'm curious. See to see. See to see. I would say probably 14. Wow. You're being on 14 today. Maybe, maybe it was that many before. It's like I was

kind of forced to read it by my family, peer pressure kind of style over and over and over until I was maybe 16. So there you go. I think I probably read it cover to cover twice. Really? But then more than that, just because of the books, you go through these weird Bible studies where it's like,

all right, we're gonna spend a week on one chapter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this. And though, but yeah, in my fourth grade class, the teacher would give us a box, little fake bucks, for reading like 10 pages or something. You got the version of book it? You got the, I chose to read the Bible

because it was so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that was one time there. Just trying to win like, blush animals or something. Here's your personal pan pizza for making it through Duda Remy. There you go. Okay.

Yeah, basically. So you guys like extra Christian now or the opposite after reading the Bible a whole bunch. Um, I would go with the opposite just based on the fact that I found this show blasphemous. From a from a biblical standpoint, this show is wrong. Do you mean the heist or do you mean the podcast we're on right now? A little bit of everything. Okay.

Currently. That's fair. We're blasphemous for atheists too. And I'm going to go with best worst divine tactic of changing someone's mind. Just heads up. In the case of this movie, that would be contrasting scrapbooking projects. Everybody would be looking at contrasting scrapbooking projects.

That's not an exaggeration. That will be a major plot point used by Jesus of Nazareth, of Galilee, the son of God, a scrapbooking thing. Of the shell station. Yeah thing of the shell station. Yeah, of the gas station. Yep. Yeah. All right, well, I think we got a pretty good idea of where we're going with this.

We're going to take a quick break. And then we'll be back to tell you all about the encounter episode one, the Pureflix series subtitle, The Heist. And I would love to wire the money. How long does the wire need to be? Please let me know how long and how thick so I can go to Home Depot and ask them your future Duke Eli Bosnick. Hey Eli, what you doing there, buddy?

Oh, I was just wiring my Nigerian prince friend some money. He's going to give me $80 million for this bank thing. Eli, what you doing there, buddy? Oh, I was just wiring my Nigerian prince friend some money. He's gonna give me $80 million for this bank thing. I mean, can you believe that? No, no, I cannot. That's so very obviously a scam. Why would you think that's real? Oh, I know, I know.

I thought that at first, too. But after I learned about Mint Mobile, now I know that not everything has a catch-heat. Hold on, what's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service starting at just $15 a month. Wireless service for just $15 a month? Did your Prince Friend tell you about this? No, silly.

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All right, that sounds pretty great. So, how do I sign up? Well, to get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash gam. That's mintmobile.com slash gam. Cut your wireless build of $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash gam. Okay, and no catch, no catch, no catch. All right. So you think your

Nigerian prince friend would want double the help, maybe? I mean, I'll email an ask him. Nice. All right, guys, time to write the encounter TV series episode one. Okay. So I want to start things off with a bang. I'm thinking let's open with a heist. Love it. So cool. Love it. So cool.

Okay, so here's one thing. The bad guys, they pull up to the the bank, right? Or something like that. Ooh. What's, ooh, what's the problem? It's just, David A.R. White only gave us $400 budget. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, for the season, for the whole season.

Mm-hmm. Okay. So not a bank robbery then. Nope, no, probably not a bank. We can't get really a bank. Spitball in here, my cousin Jerry works down at the gas and sip. You might let us use it if like,

you know, he's allowed to keep it open and still have customers while we shoot. The gas and sip. Uh, okay. I guess a gas station robbery could work. It's just, I already wrote a whole hostage situation bid and I wrote a whole thing about getting the codes

to the computer from the bank. Ah, I mean, it's 2020, you know, gas stations have computers now. They could probably steal those codes for like, like the credit card. The credit cards, yeah, I guess. But then I had a whole come to Jesus scene in the bank vaults, computer room spot.

Well, gas stations probably have a vault too, right? I don't know, man. Does your cousins place have a vault? Uh, no, but it does have a room in the back where he like takes shits and does math. Sounds like a vault to me, right? This is gonna be great, okay, no, no, This is gonna be great. Okay, no, this is gonna be great. Gas and sip, nice.

And we're back and we're gonna start with a really sad robbery team like the worst oceans 11 gang ever pulling up to the gas station that they're about to rob. Yeah, you got this team in the car. And honestly, I didn't realize that they had a getaway driver until much later in the episode. I thought it was just those three dudes in the car. I don't know why I thought that, but I didn't realize that lady was in the car. Yeah, I made an immediate bet that the Bechtel test would not be passed. And based upon her screen time, her lines,

which I do believe were, that's it, I'm out of here. And then she said, come on. Yes, she did say, come on, that's right. I forgot the, come on, come on. Does her honking the horn count as a line? I don't know, it wasn't talking to another woman about something other than a man. She was honking a horn to a man, though.

Literally. Exactly, that's rightking a horn to a man now. Literally. Exactly. That's right. There were two female hostages. There were two female hostages. There were two female hostages. And neither of them were allowed to speak. Yeah. I think what they spoke about was like, man next to me, man next to me.

So yeah, not even close. No. That man has been shot. That's true. That's true. That's what the deal. Yeah. Yeah. I did enjoy the apparently leader guy of the heist gang here being like, okay, you guys

all understand your job for the heist, right? And they're all like, yeah, no, we totally get it. And he's like, okay, it feels like nobody understands their job for the heist. I need you to like say your job, speech out loud. He's so mad. It's pretty great. But the best thing is like they don't have concrete jobs for this highest, right? Like one of them is a hacker. We'll learn three quarters of the way through this fucking television episode. But one of them is just like violent crazy guy who ruins every property. He might as well announce that at the beginning of

his wild car. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I would take issue with whether or not this guy is actually a hacker. I'm not, I'm not sure what he will get into his hacking abilities and decisions as a hacker. Yeah, they're very interesting. What's interesting to me too is that like, I have been working at a gas station and gotten robbed. Really? And this did not ring true to my experience. You weren't Jesus. Now, you were playing the Jesus role and were not Jesus. So that would be, that would go differently. There's a couple of things that they got really bad

about the planning of this robbery. Starting with gas station at the target. Well, I assume there's a reason that the gas stations the target Although I still don't understand why credit cards man, what does that mean credit card? What does that mean? You got to get the credit cards man. I don't know what that means. We get the credit card Why credit cards? What don't you understand about if you get credit cards you get credit cards? You get credit cards then you buy ether and credit cards you get credit cards. You get credit cards then you buy ether and all you are

complicating this plan. This is why we're not allowed to the car together anymore before we plan heists. The biggest problem that I see is that you can see on the door that it's open 24 hours a day. They're doing this stick-up job in the middle of the day. It's broad daylight. There's a lady on a hover round just doing wheeling around the parking lot. This it look it's the art of war you attack when they least expected. Of course they would

be planning for a late night ice. I can tell you this. Sun zoos did not turn over gas station. It's not what the book is about. Look, if you're not establishing the Joe dynasty, you're knocking over gas stations. Those are the way that's how it works, man. Yeah. Lou Boo, one of the most notorious, uh, stick up menu. Yeah. Also, speaking of problems with their strategy, this is when the literal lady on the hover around. She should roll up on her jazz scooter and she's like, Cal, Cal Dawson, and GD, stares into the window where they've, they parked at one of the pumps right next to a camera. Yep. And she stares in and says their name. This is Mrs. Cranston and she knows them personally. That seems, it seems hacky that her name is Miss Kranzton.

Yeah, I don't know why. She might as well roll up and take a selfie with them and be like, I'm posting this to the police station's Facebook page. I don't know why, but I am. Totally. I can't wait to tell your aunt that I saw you here at the station. She is my favorite character, not least of which, because the moment she knocked on the window and they rolled it down,

I was like, if the loose cannon doesn't shoot her right now, this whole thing is done. There's no way that you guys are getting through this. That was the only way to establish state. Yeah, exactly. That's almost what happens though. So she says that she's like, I'm going to write down your names in my journal and hand it to the police officer right over there.

And they're like, yeah, okay, cool. Bye, Mrs. Cranston. And then inside the car, they're like, all right, well, that's a cancel, right? And yeah, obviously, who's can guy is like, I can murder her right now. If that's how she walks away. And they're like, what do you like me to come? Not murder your new, your new guy, new guy get out of here. Don't murder people when we don't say I have to say that like if the job you're doing

isn't important enough to murder, Miss Cranston, then it's not important enough to keep going after you've been made. That's a great point. That's a great point. You bail. Yeah, you got to go. This job is so goddamn sloppy too that like you could do it any time. There's no need for like, it's not like this safe is only open between three and three

15. No, whatever. Just come back in eight hours. There's a title fight between, you know, like Mike Tyson and somebody right there at the Bellagio gas station that moment. Why aren't you sticking that place out? You don't even know that the owner is on vacation. You should know everything about this job. Miss Cranston's a snitch too. Okay, thank you, because here's the thing about Miss Cranston. Mrs. Cranston sees them is like, hello boys, lovely to see you. And then as we will learn immediately, go through police officer and is like, those motherfuckers are robbing the place. I'm telling you right now, those guys are immediately.

One of the problems that I had is I don't know if the show establishes that she should see that there's a robbery going on. No, like we just see her. She's raised her like profiles. She does not know that a robbery is going on. She is already left the premises widely before anything goes down. And she just goes straight up to the cop and it's like, hey man, there are people who are not white there. We got to solve this problem. And the cops like sure the fuck do. So yeah, he's going to walk over in a second. Also, just want to mention the last thing that happens before they run into the gas station here. Leader guy is like, all right, everybody, everybody put on your ski masks and they all pull over their different color bright, different color ski masks that they clearly had a fight over who gets what colors. Yeah. And he's like, sure. All right, ski mask. Whoo. I have the tiger and they're like,

all this crazy music starts happening. And everybody's like, all right, just, you know, don't, we're not doing it yet. Don't, don't woo yet. And he's like, woo. Okay. Sorry. Last one. Last one. Yeah, I mentioned while we were watching it that if it weren't for the music, this would be a very boring scene of just a nerd being like, Hey, guys, we're going to go wrap a story. Yeah. Which I replied, it's still a very boring.

Yep. Yep. Yeah, but they burst into what I'm going to go ahead and say is the busiest gas station in the history of time. There's too many people in there for the size of the thing that it is. Like it's a tiny gas station. Yeah. It would be very uncomfortable to have like six people in there. People flipping through LPs that they're buying somehow. Yeah. There's a lot of traffic.

They're digging in crates. Which also means that they did not wait for the six people that were present in this fucking pigly wiggly to leave before they began their robbery. What if they have jewels? There's a one in one out rule at thickestation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. It's like a hot dance club. What soon is one of those musically leave someone else's company. Okay, and that would have been funny if they actually had to adhere to that and go in one to time and like not realize when their plan technically activates. When I got robbed at the gas station that I worked at, the guy did come in when there was like four people in the gas station, but that was to sort of insinuate himself and make me feel comfortable with his presence.

And once those people had left, he was still in the store and that's when he pulled his gun. Oh, is that a well thought out robbery at the very least nailed it. Yeah, that was a good robbery. That's how you rob a place. He pulled it off. Yeah, good for him. How much money did he get?

He got more than these dudes. He got more than zero. Cool. He got more than credit card numbers or whatever. Now, Dan, my question for you, though, is how many magic tricks did you do and how many craft products did you show him? Because there are, you know, there are factors here. Yeah, I think that's where my sort of defense strategy fell apart, because I didn't have any collages or magical power. Yeah, blunder. My strategy was more like when he said, I'm taking the 20s. I was like, you can have the 10s too if you want.

So I just work here. Yeah, I don't care at all. Say my money, man. Yeah. I am not a good guy with a gun. I'm a guy willing to give you all that's in the cash register. You want a carton of cigarettes too? I don't give a shit. What do you want? Right, baby.

I did enjoy when they first run in and one guy's like, I had hands up. I said, hands up. And he pulls his gun out. And there's one guy. There's one like medium old white guy in there. And he won't put his hands up. and he's being all tough. And the robber guy's like, this guy won't put his hands up. He won't. Dad, dad, this guy put his hands up with the leader. Finally, that guy puts his hands up and I was like, oh my God, I guarantee 100%. This is going to be good guy with a gun later. And I was absolutely correct.

That's what Drona said as well. Totally. Immediately. I think it would have been more realistic if he was holding a DVD copy of the encounter movie in the one dollar bin. Like if he puts his hands up and he's got the encounter with a big one dollar sticker on it. Overpriced. Exactly. I thought it would be more interesting if he wasn't like a good guy with a gun and he was more just like a guy who's like, no, yeah, I'm not going to go along with whatever you do. Guys autistic, I think.

This is ridiculous. I don't know how to deal with this. Did we accidentally rob while Bartleby the scriptner was in here because this is going to fucking suck. I got to say this right now. Term is actually neurodivergent. You're being a big it. Whatever. Yeah. Because it is my favorite getting Rob's story. She went to get a taco one night in the middle of a robbery of the taco stand. And she walks in while the robbery is happening. Everybody shocked. She's not paying attention. She got her headphones and she's in while the robbery is happening. Everybody shocked. She's not paying attention.

She got her headphones and she's on her phone. She looks up the guys like, give me your money and she's like, nah, I'm outta here and just leave. And nobody caused a problem. Everybody was like, I mean, that's a valid move. Wow. I didn't consider that move, but she was there and she could just leave.

Wow. Any of us could have done that at any time. Now I want the taco truck guy to have been like, oh, sorry, I would also like to do a na, I'm out of here. Can I also do a na, na, na? Totally, totally. Was that an option from the beginning? I don't know.

I mean, we have to, I rob you. How about that? Can we have a hand? Yeah, exactly. Stick him up. Yeah, he puts a flower to the guy's head. Yeah. But okay, so they finally have like, you know, everybody's hands up and they think the situation is under control.

And one guy walks over to the cashier and that's Bruce Martiano from the original of the encounter movie. He's the cashier and he's like, maybe I can help you. Are you looking for answers? It's the best. In preparation for this, I went ahead and I watched the movie of the encounter as well. And first of all, are you serious? You guys buried the lead. You didn't tell me fucking sting wasn't it? That's amazing. That's right. The wrestler sting. Do you know why? Because they didn't want you to wind up talking about stinging for 25 minutes.

And by the way, unfortunately, that's going to happen. Are you visiting Finn? I like stinging as much as the next guy. You like a medium? You just a relaxed medium sting fan? I'm a chill sting fan. I like him when I was a kid. He was really cool.

He hung out on the rafters and he was emotional based on the crow and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the, like, so I saw the movie and I recognize that this is a series that grew out of the movie. Is there anybody who's watching this show sincerely has probably seen the movie? So when they see the gas station attendant, they already know that's God, like, or Jesus, right? Because of the context of the first movie. And I think that that really helped me understand

the show a little bit in the context that like people would be viewing it. Did it? No. Okay. That's what I wanted to hear. But what I kept thinking about while we were watching this is if you haven't seen the encounter movies

until fairly heavily into this 23 minute television episode is just about a crazy gas station attendant who's like, hey, man, do you want to know your own middle name? See, here's the problem. Here's the problem. Once I knew going in that this was Christian based, the moment the gas station attendant was weirdly calm, I was like, oh, fuck this guy's Jesus or God or whatever. We're going to have to do this whole thing.

Yeah. God damn it. They're sort of the will they won't they about him saying God or whatever. Yeah. Is he gonna actually say he's God? Is the only question I had. Now the thing that I think is really funny is that if you watch the movie, he's really blunt about being Jesus. Yo bro, I'm Jesus. He, yes. Yeah. Constantly when people are like, how do you know my name?

I'm Jesus. I know everything. Yeah, what do we talk about? He has a name tag that says Jesus. He, yes. Yeah. Constantly when people are like, how do you know my name? I'm Jesus. I know every Yeah. What do we talk about? A name tag that says Jesus. This is borderline miracle on 34th street level of obviously I'm Santa Claus. It's over the top. Yeah. And in this, he's playing we're a little cagey about being Jesus. I don't understand why. He is gotten, I will say this as someone who's encompassed all of the encounter. I'm going to say uvra up to this point, he has gotten more and more coy about being Jesus as we've gotten to know him. Maybe he got burned. Maybe they watched that Futurama episode where God was like, you need a light touch. You can't be too obvious. Otherwise, people will rely on you all the time. So you got to use

like a gas station attendant. Well, I think maybe after the movie, there was a performance review. And, you know, Hey, listen, you're Jesus, too obvious. God was like, I like the strategy. It worked pretty well for almost everybody, but you lost sting. You did not turn his life over. Maybe you don't play so, so easy to get. You know what? I would like more books of the Bible that show us Jesus' elves. You know, like whenever he was trying to save somebody and then he just blew it.

I want more books of the Bible with Stingeth. I want books of the Bible where Jesus fails to heal and or help. Sting. There was two moments in the movie that I actually cheered for. One was when the cop was revealed to be named Officer DeVel. Hey, come on now. And then the second was when they ran out of bread.

And Jesus was like, are you sure? No, he did not. He did not do it. Jesus call back. He did it full on Jesus like, man, you know, you don't know who you're dealing with here. There are no fishes, but he didn't make poor loaves. God, that was funny. Oh, good.

That's almost like a fucking Marvel Easter egg to the truth. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's going to cue the credits for us when Bruce Marciano shows up. And the encounter credits, I want to say are somewhere between like true detective season two and like a trailer for the television

show you're about to watch. Yeah. See, this is, this is where I, I think we screwed up by watching it on YouTube. Yeah, we didn't see the opening credits. I don't think. No, we were watching it on YouTube and there was a little button that said, skip intro. Oh, that's right. And I was going to click on it. And then you were like, this is a YouTube video. But then it skipped the intro anyway. So yeah, yeah. So I did not see this part. Yeah. Yeah. This is where they got a little bit more overt about the Jesus finally. They're like, all right, this is, you know, if he can happen anywhere anytime, well, you can, if he can happen anywhere, anytime, you can never turn back.

This is spiritual. If you haven't seen the encounter, the amazing movie on Pure Flix, apparently you guys actually have with Jordan has Jordan has not. Okay. I'm just obsessed with over-preparate. Yeah. And he speaks of himself in the third person. Right.

But the credits were like, this is about Jesus now. Gotcha. Jesus now. Gotcha. Jesus Christ. You'll never know where he strikes. He can hit anywhere. He's like the riddler. He just shows up. He asks you a bunch of questions.

And if you answer incorrectly, you go to jail. It's the opposite of the riddler. Because the riddler asks questions. This dude just said stuff. The answerer. I am about as agnostic as it gets. And both of the versions of this Bruce Moshiano character, like in the movie and the show, I would just be like,

all right, cool. I'm Christian now. Yeah. I don't understand how you could get the fucking magic collage showing up without being like, man, whatever, you're Jesus. I'm moving on. Yeah.

Like this, we're done here. Reality is not what I thought it was. Yeah, you're Jesus. I'm moving on. Like this, we're done here. Reality is not what I thought it was. Yeah, you did magic. I got nothing for that. Yeah. So bad guy robbery guy. This is gonna be, what's his name? Binky, what's the fucking head robber?

Not crazy eyes and not main character. JD and Cal are the two main guys. JD's right? Yeah. Yeah. This is where JD demands from Bruce Marciano Jesus, JD and Cal are the two main guys. JD. Yeah. Yeah. This is where JD demands from Bruce Marciano, Jesus, where is Mr. Patel? Because they need, and I'm quoting the movie here, the password for the computer at this gas station.

Yeah. They're going to take the gas station owner's Bitcoin or something. It's, it's very not well thought out as a robbery plan. No. It seems as though what we're dealing with is some sort of gas station owner who keeps a lot of credit cards on file. And we know later on that he has a secret double life with extra passports. We don't know that.

Later on we find that out. No, we don't know that. Yeah, we do. Jesus opens the safe and he's like, this passport's and to fake IDs and all this shut. So something's going on in this guy's computer, right? Maybe, but I don't know. I assumed there might be another explanation for that stuff being in the safe. Like what? Maybe kids just with fake IDs trying to buy a beer. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like I worked. Oh, I worked. Oh, that makes way more left IDs. to buy Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like I used to I worked Oh, I worked

Yeah, we always had a few IDs in the safe at a bar. Then why is Cal acting like it's such a big deal? Cal is an idiot. Cal is an idiot. That's true. Jordan. I want to say Jesus for like an hour. Jordan. I am on your side. I was like, wait, Mr. Bratel is a fucking international man of mystery and this show never fucking revisits it. No, no, it seems so important to me that he was a Jason, but he even says is this guy like Jason Bourne? It's it seemed to me like certainly that is a possibility, but it was so undersold in the show that I assume like there's probably some innocuous explanation for the stuff being unsafe. Mr. Prattell is actually 16 years old.

He's got to use a thick idea to buy beer at his own store. So like we hinted at earlier, old lady upon seeing them immediately went and told a cop to come check out the gas station. So a cop comes in because the old lady told him she saw humans in a car and everything immediately goes insane. I just wrote in my notes, there was a firefight. Who knocked scenes? Yeah, Defo would have figured out this crime pretty quickly. Yeah, me and Jordan were sitting there like, this is escalating. me and me and Jordan were sitting there like, this is escalating.

I mean, on the fast track, that was, that was an interesting bit of a TV writing to have the guy just fire immediately. No, like, hey, we've got questions or comments or like, are you actually a cop? Just boom, boom, boom, gunshots. Yes. I don't think either of those are realistic. I don't think it's realistic that they'll just start shooting shots. And another is like, I have a comment. Oh, it's more of a comment than a question. I'm not talking about real life. I'm talking about screenwriting. In real life, you wait until everybody leaves the store and then you stick a guy up.

That's just how it should go. I don't think the cop would enter, they'll try to enter the store if he looked in and saw three people in mass. Yeah. Yeah. That was a weird tactic on his part. I think you might establish a perimeter or something. Yeah. And I think you would have winked at the good guy with the gun and been like, you're going to handle this, right? And you're my guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to sneak you a secret phone and we're going to have back panel through the through the hostage situation. Look, look, look, look, look, old man, you're a little bit thick, but see if you can get in the fence. Yeah. I was just gonna say that. Yes.

There's like a bunch of broken forties at the back and he's got to walk over them in bare feet. We have just we've stumbled on a better episode. Die hard, the Jesus one. But no, it's actually a much more realistic good guy with a gun situation. He pulls out a gun, a young person grabs it and he gets killed by his own guns. So, hey, credit to pureflakes. There's some realism in this celebration. Oh my God.

I was, it happened so much faster than I thought. Like, a scene ago, I was like, that's going to be the good guy with the gun. And immediately he's going to his ankle holster that he has and then he gets shot with his, I was so happy he got shot with his own gun. Like the movie got foiled by itself trying to be that asshole. That's so good. But what I understand actually the NRA put out a press release about that scene. And the unrealistic it is compared.

Yeah. Good guys with guns never shoot themselves. This is propaganda from the gun grabbers. Yeah. What would have been realistic as if he had brought his two-year-old and the two-year-old grabbed the gun out of his ankle-hostar and shot him. That would have been the most likely real world scenario. That was part of the press conference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. The NRA is really important about that. Yeah, this is liberal propaganda from QR Flix. QR Flix by David A. R. White, liberal propaganda.

Then the mass shooter bursts into the gas station, shoots the two year old who just shot his dad. It's a full cycle. That's the accurate thing that you want to show. There we go. There we go. We've written a reality TV show now. The real world with guns.

I would watch the shit out of the real world with guns. All right. Now up to this point real quick, honest evaluation of how the leader is doing because I feel like he did not have control. Jamie is the leader. Yeah. Yeah. JD is the leader.

You got crazy guy hacker and leader. Yeah. And then there's the, then there's the wheel person who is not involved and abandons them still later than she should. Oh, yeah. They should have abandoned them way early. There's apparently a sign for like, shit's gone bad. And it was a long listen and no one paid attention to that at all. She did everything she could to warn them. Totally. Totally. She's a great wheel person.

Yeah. If I was having a meeting with JD, I was like the bobs and we were having a meeting about this afterward. Sure. Sure. Sure. I'd want them to delegate a little bit better. I feel like that would be the thing that you could have done better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Because I feel like he let people do far too much on their own. He gave people too much space to improvise within their own characters. And I feel like maybe more of a solid hand could have kept things under control. Here's a here's a mic for him. I'm maybe a little mice. Sometimes it's a good idea. My performance review is team is too big.

Really crazy dude. Totally. Causing problems. Do you have to have a loose can of yes. That guy. There's no point for that. You can just not have what don't go in when there's

like 18 customers. No, the robbers union they make you have a loose can of that sounds true. Or it's the only thing that makes sense at all. There's regulations. Yeah, exactly.

There's a coat of honor among thieves. Who else is going to employ loose cannons? If they were doing this as part of my crew, let's say like I ran crime in the city. Sure, you're your baby driver, you're Kevin Spacey and baby driver. They're all dead. They're all dead.

Yep. Yeah, that's driver. They're all dead. They're all dead. Yep. Yeah, that's, no, that's true. They're all, they're all, they're all, they're all of no use to me as a, as a criminal enterprise. As if this was an audition for like good jobs, you guys fail. Yeah. If you can successfully steal credit cards

from a gas station, maybe we can, maybe we can, maybe we can up you to banks, but until then you're fucked. They need an entire episode where it's just them all meeting with Satan later as like a job of you about something much better officer to veil. Yes. Now young men do you know where you failed? All right, well, the so-called good guy with a gun just made it so much fucking worse for him and everybody else around him. So I'm going to pop some champagne and celebrate with a quick break. And then we'll be back with some more The Encounter TV series episode one, The Heist.

Hi, I'm Ethan, right? And I'm Eli Bosnick, you know, over the week or so that Noah's been gone, getting the teeth ripped out of his skull and then replaced with a torture device known as dentures, heath and I have had pretty much our run of the place. And you know what that means? It means late night movie marathons, quadruple elimination, video game tournaments, and all the sugary cereal we want, no matter what. Mm-hmm.

But now that we're grownups, that stuff isn't quite as fun as it used to be. Yeah, our late night movie marathons kind of ended early at like 830, kind of fell asleep. Yeah, and we would have had that video game tournament, but our eyes aren't exactly what they used to be. We had to sit so close to the screen. Yeah, yeah, we're very close.

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they'll refund your money. No questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash GM. And use the code GM to save $5 off. Thanks to Magic Spoon for sponsoring this episode. Now, what do you think, Eli? Another pillow fight?

Is your pillow filled with nickels again? It, yes, and no. Dimes? Your lighter. Hahaha. Thank you. Thank you, everyone. We're here today to honor a hero here.

As many of you saw on the news, Tom saw a robbery and progress at the Piggly Wiggly on 4th and Main and sprang into action. Tom's the best here. Yes. into action. Yes, turned a robbery worth less than $200 into a gun fight in a closed space. Utilizing a concealed handgun that is actually only legal in a few states. Anyway, Tom was shot to death and he's dead now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we, now we? Woo? Yes, woo, woo. And we're back.

When we left off, the good guy with a gun thing, backfired inside a fictional universe written by Republicans. And now Bruce Martiano is gonna get involved. He's the cashier. Or is he, we are gonna find out for real who he is right now. Well, he runs up over to help him. He's like, I need to help that man.

And he's like, no, you can't help him, or else. And he's supposed to do this bad ass line. He goes, I've had worse days. And he might as well just go like what I was crucified. I'm Jesus Christ of Nazareth. All right, all right. He was referencing that. I was thinking the 40 days and 40 nights

is what he was referencing. You can't even bother Jesus with a day. This is a barely a few hours. What, this is his first hostage situation. He's hung out with the devil for a while. It's true. Yeah, but that does create a problem in the show, right? Because Jesus is like, hey, I don't care if you kill me, I'm Jesus.

And so the robber, for no reason whatsoever, this would not benefit him in any way. Shaper form is like, okay, well, if you help that guy, I'll kill you and a random lady. That's true. And that scares Jesus off. God will assume, right? That if the cashier was shot, he wouldn't have been hurt because he's Jesus. Yeah, well, that's safe to assume. Problem solved. I have a larger issue that we need to address. One, how long has Jesus been working? Did he show up on time for his

issue? Right. Yeah. Was he a good gas station? Could it be cashier? Like is he doing all right? Is he like an agent in the Matrix where he can just like teleport into the cashier? Totally. Was the cashier even, was the cashier a regular dude who was embodied by Jesus?

Which guys, that's some fucking mind rape is what that is. Jesus is hurting a human being. He's not even supposed to be here today, actually. He's not even supposed to be here today. actually. He's not even supposed to be here today. That's some Wonder Woman 1984 shit, right? Yes, exactly. Problematic.

I think we're canceling Jesus. This is what we're doing right now. I don't know that he employs Jesus. It would have been great if Mr. Patel came back in the middle of this and was like, I said, we're not doing any of these Jesus skits that you want to do in the store. I told you not to do that. Not again. I told you all you had to do was pound on the safe for it to open. Now you act

like you're fucking magic all the time. Jesus, you're fired. You're fired. So yeah, now that Jesus is properly put in his place, we get some dramatic shots. And these are of a security camera, a different security camera, and some pigeons. Well, they were watching too. Yeah, the establishing pigeons. I mean, there's no better way to metaphorically let you know everyone's watching than to have cameras, cameras, and pigeons. Dramatic pigeons. Exactly.

I feel like they wanted to do that like woo gun foothing and they were like, we don't have enough money for that. We could do the birds though, right? Well, when I got robbed at that gas station, I should tell you when I hit the panic button, just the room filled with pigeons. Oh, all right. That makes sense. Okay.

It might be something to this. It's like legend of Zelda when you hit the chickens too many times. Yeah. It's just a swarm of pigeons. Yeah. Actually, funny story though, actually, when I did hit the panic button, nothing happened. And I was really worried because I was like, that's supposed to be the panic button. So I hit it again. And then like, nothing happened.

And so I called the non-emergency police line. Yeah. And then after I called the non-emergency police line, I get like the phone rings. And it's the people from like the other side of the panic button. They're like, hey, hit the panic buttons. They're a problem like, yeah, I got robbed. Hey, buddy, how you doing? You have a good night so far? Guys gone, but I got robbed. It was nuts.

Yeah, the panic button just goes to like ADT or whatever, the alarm company. Not a good panic button. That's not great. Press one for English. Oh my God, you really have a menu at the beginning of this? When the police showed up, they called it, they called it to the station and they made me do like some gestures at them through the window so they knew it was me.

It was weird. It was like I was doing an interpretive dance. I've always wondered if you're an 80 T operator and 99.99% of your calls are, did you forget your password again, Carol? At a certain point, your tone becomes too casual when you're answering the phone or making those calls, right? Yeah. Hey, as you go in 80 T again, oh, a murder. I am so sorry.

I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have opened with a knock knock joke. That's on me. I get the sense they don't like differentiate between like a panic button and someone just yeah needing their code or whatever. It's the same people at the call center. Hey bro, sorry about this, but secret of the private security industry. Not that much crime happens. I've only known one person in my life who ever worked at one of those like centers where

those calls go to and he was someone who wants tried to get me to do animal tranquilizer with it. So that doesn't speak highly of their uh, no, I spent, I spent a long time reading up on the nuclear miscelliers of the, uh, army or whatever. Oh, the NORAD guys, they are fucking shit faced and drugged up all the time because it's so boring. All you do is look at a nuclear missile and go, I hope that doesn't go anywhere.

I think the analog is us having this conversation because the show that we watch was so far. So boring. You guys want to put into test CD in case what it would look like if someone shot at Hawaii, just for fun. Come on. You guys want to try one of those? Let's see what happens, bro.

Oh, I could not love more the way JD tries to control the situation. I keep going back to this guy's leadership skills because he doesn't talk anywhere near as much as the guy willing to shoot everybody. He's like, no, he doesn't. Yeah. And it's like, man, that's your one job as the leader of the group. You know that the hacker guy, who's your brother is is gonna go off and do his thing. Your only job is to keep the loose cannon guy from murdering everybody and the moment something goes wrong, he's murdered people, he's fired at cops and he's got hostages lined up in front of the fucking window.

He has hostages in three seconds. He's just like, we're doing hostages. I saw this in a movie. We're doing, I'm escalating hostages. I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I don't know. Lady, you stand in the window with today's newspaper or something. I don't really know how it works. We're doing hostages. Lady,

Lady, put a dime on the window for scale. The thing that you know, you hear this about like child raising, you know, parenting sometimes. Like if you're thinking about hitting your child, that means that you made a mistake, like four stages back. Totally. And I think that with this robbery, the fact that the loose cannon's getting out of control means like the leader JD made a mistake four stages totally. Totally. If you're the leader of this and you're hiring your crew, you're putting your crew together, obviously your brother, best hacker in the world. Sure. Nailed it. Yeah. Drivers. Let's not go best hacker in the world. But okay.

Drivers seems pretty good. He hired the wrong loose cannon because you need to have a loose cannon who doesn't secretly want to take over. So important. Yeah. You need a, you need a Madsen loose cannon who's just going to cut an ear off, but he's not going to ruin the whole operation. Yeah, you got to know your know your role, player, stand your lane. Stand there and you're just loose cannon, man. You're scared people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But listen, the reason you're here is because if anybody's going down, God damn, it's gonna be you. You're gonna cause a problem. And that's gonna allow us to get away. Yeah, you make people afraid by committing worse crimes than we're really scared. Exactly, look, I'm a great guy, crimes. But we're really looking to look.

I'm a great guy, honestly. But now I'm picturing the overly friendly loose cannon who like didn't really deserve the job he shows up and he's like, oh, yeah, they call me crazy horse McGee who wants a snow cone and they're like, all right, man, you fuck this. You've really fucked this for us. Listen, guys, I'm really sorry, but when you hired me, it was a couple months ago. I've been in AA since then. So I've been really kind of handling my shit.

And so I'm not that loose anymore. I'm a much tighter cannon now. I'm a tighter cannon. I'm a much tighter cannon. I feel like a really friendly loose cannon might be way scarier. Actually, yeah. Listen, I'm really sorry about this. I think you're a great person. Honestly, we've talked a little bit and now I'm going to shoot you in the leg. I'm super sorry. I'm real bummed about it.

I'm real bummed about it, but your shins gone now. Look, these guys are robbing this place and I know that we're all in a very tense situation. Totally, but I opened a Roth IRA for you. That's really nice of you. What's coming next? What's coming next? Oh, no. Hey, man, the only thing I love more than you is cutting off ears. Can I get a high five? Come on, let me get a high five. You don't even know what the real goal here, man, is I'm going to cause a new housing crisis. That's what I'm going to do. Stealing all these credit cards. Again, maybe. So now Bruce slash God is showing Cal, who is our good guy bad guy to the back, where the data is and he's lecturing him

about not murdering a guy, which I think we can all agree is totally Jesus of him. Yeah, yeah, I really, really got freaked out by the reveal that he sent the grandma there. Cranston. He sent Mrs., but like when he argued that he sent Mrs. Cranston there as like their first chance to say no, which I mean, in all honesty is just a test of how good your crew is.

Like they literally said, we've been made twice. Twice. So you just go, you've been made. Be there no longer. It's not hard, right? Yeah, the job relies, it depends on you not having everyone know who you are. Yes, so that's not even a morality test for Jesus.

That's a competency test. Like, are you a good writer? It's an intelligence test. Yeah, totally. Like, are you even worth saving? And the answer should be no. If you're sitting in that car And crantston comes over and is like hello young man. I am a good friend of your grandma whatever the fuck

Like even if you do the best robbery. Yeah, you're still in trouble Hello young men just so you know I am a police drawer And I happen to draw faces exactly like the ones that you guys walk around with. If it doesn't deteriorate into a hostage situation, you're still going to end up like, you're going to get questioned about it. Yeah. Someone's going to put you at the scene.

Yeah. And it's going to be Mrs. Kranson. Exactly. Or Jesus, your font. Yeah. I mean, yes, it was obvious. They should have stopped at that point because of Mrs. Kranson. But totally. Jesus, this is, it's on him They should have stopped at that point because of Mrs. Cranston, but. Totally.

Jesus, this is, it's on him too, partially in my head. Like totally. He lets a lot of murder happen while he's being subtle and vague with signs like that. Obviously, it doesn't work every time. Just intervene. Now there's hostages. Yeah, no, this is Twilight Zone Jesus.

This is not a Jesus with any kind of control of the situation. This is a Jesus who's creating a fucking Rods-Sirling morality play in order to teach one due to lesson while the collateral damage is regardless of whether or not that guy fucking lives. Those people are psychologically fucked with for the rest of their lives. Man, Jesus doesn't go around touching their heads and be like, you won't have PTSD from this. Well, it reminds me of that verse, Romans 312. Uh-huh. Would you like to play a game?

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I think that actually was the book of Job. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, now that you mentioned it, Jesus could have made this a house call the night before, right? He could have just knocked on Cal's door and been like, Hey, I'm Jesus. This is your heightened weight.

Um, don't do a robbery tomorrow. Yep. I mean, because the other real conclusion to draw here is that Cal was not going to change whatsoever until it was revealed the guy was Jesus, literally. Yep. And he fought back for a while. So if Jesus just revealed he was real like a week ago

or, let's say, before he lost his fucking job, that led him to the situation we're in. But I would suggest that also that Cal isn't going to accept any of this unless he's in an emotionally heightened situation where there's no other way out. Ooh. Which isn't even more fucked up thought.

Right, yeah, absolutely. Jesus is a bad BDSM scene partner, I love it. Listen, in order to convert people to Christianity, we really have to orchestrate situations that leave them into a situation where they have no other choice but to believe in Jesus. That's the only way. Yeah, you want to get out of a murder, right?

Yeah, I will heal the person you murdered. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Jesus is the payday loans of belief systems. Yeah, in this case, you've got to do two years in the show, he's an extortionist. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the interest is high.

And I want to talk here about Cal's skepticism of Jesus. Okay, so he takes him into the back, right? Jesus tells him his full name, his height, his weight, and his birthday, and Cal is still like, I don't know, I'm keeping the mask on. You were friends with my dad in the joint. Yeah, that kind of like, I guess, you know, some denial makes sense.

I mean, you're not just gonna be like, okay, it's Jesus right away. Like that's unreasonable. You gotta give somebody, like I think the problem was with the dialogue as they kept talking. Once the guy is like, enough Jesus for me, I'm gonna sit with that for a while

and just really kind of process it. Like, okay, now Jesus is real. What else does this mean for my life? Sure. You know, and the answer is probably, I got to shoot Jesus just to see, just to see. It's him and me. Nobody'll know. He won't even know. He's dead. The stakes are bizarre because like, there's two really and that is that like this person is Jesus or this person is wildly insane Yep, yes, there's only two options

In the case of This incarnation of it where the gas station attendant you have other problems like the cops and the whole hostage situation But in the movie at the whole hostage situation, but in the movie at the diner, like when he's either Jesus or a complete lunatic, it's in your best interest to not believe that he's Jesus, because if he's a complete lunatic, he's going to kill you. Yeah, I mean, can you, okay, so if this was, if we're gonna go with this is real life happening and Jesus isn't real, how does a human being do what this person has done?

And the only answer is he has been stalking Cal for months, like finding out every piece of information that he can, getting into this situation, finding out that they're going to a do a job two weeks earlier, getting a job there, inspiring Mr. Patel to go on vacation and then pulling this whole morality play. And if he just got shot one time in the leg, we'd all know he's full of shit. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. He's just like, I'm a long time mentally. I'm a do mentalism. Fuck. I do in a play.

You're assholes. Why isn't that season three of you? A lot of people say shoot your shot, but they don't mean it. So yeah, now Cal is going to hack into the computer. This will be one of my favorite hacking program names we've ever had here on God of the Movies. He is running the Safe Cracker program on the credit card Safe program. Yeah.

The name of the program is Safe Cracker. Also, I want to talk about just the computer that he's at. He's at the computer in the back of his gas station. There's an icon for crypto, first of all. Oh, yeah, of course. There's also a computer icon for, it just says algorithms. What the fuck would that be? That's what I'm saying.

He's got, he's living a double life, Mr. Patel. Yes. Sealing credit card numbers. He's got this whole crypto scam going on. I think this is also borderline a racist plot line where he's one of the scammers who is doing the Nigerian email thing. Like this is, this is an intense situation. Yeah. Do you really have to have a South Asian name too and be the owner of the community? Like this is the problem of a poor right here built into the movie. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I don't put it past pure flicks to not descend into

tropes. Yeah. But they're pure tropes. Okay. They're pure tropes. Yeah. So he runs safe cracker, the program. And he's like, all right, I click run. Would you like some help with stealing? He's got a card numbers. Clippy pops up, yeah. But what is he hacking right now? Like there's a word document with the Safe combo tight out in it, and he's like decrypting that word document.

That's where all the credit cards are. That's the part of this, this ice that makes no sense. But he focuses on the safe in a second. So it seems, I don't know. It does seem like the computer is going to be hacked and somehow that's going to open the safe. Yes. Right.

Yes. That was the idea I had. But he's still trying to run safe character after Jesus opens the safe. Yeah. Right. It seems to imply that there's something else they're looking for and they do say credit cards a couple times. Sure, but that doesn't make sense. Right.

And so I guess the assumption that you would have is what you said earlier, Jordan, which is like, there's a list of people's credit cards there and you could take their information. It's something. It's gotta be, yeah. Otherwise, the score isn't worth shooting a good guy with a gun.

Probably not. Yeah. I still would say it's not probably. You're not going to get away with this. What is in, well, that raises an interesting question, Dad. What's your level of score that's worth shooting a good guy with a gun? Are we talking two million? Has nothing to do with a gas station? Well, that's obvious.

I feel like if we're in the two million range, we're not, not going over a gas station. No. It would have been cool if Windows started updating in the middle of his thing and he had to stop. Oh, no. No, delete. Was it a cathode ray monitor? It was a cathode ray monitor, like straight up those old timey. Yeah. Like I would have played Lemmings on that computer. So this is also where Jesus does his first Batchic trick, right? Call is not impressed by the name and height and weight and the fact that he lost his job and hasn't told his wife that he got fired. So this is where, as you hinted earlier, he fanzies the safe open for him. Hell yeah. But there's no money in the safe. There's just like random, like we said before, passports.

He said it's what Mr. Patel wants to keep the most safe, right? Which I even could interpret as other people's identification. Sure. Like why wouldn't you want to safeguard stuff that other people, the passports, someone else needs to come pick back up. No, and that's a really good question. Here's another question for you. If that's all you're keeping in your safe,

clearly you have much more space. Why are you keeping your cash in the freezer? Because the robbers, robbers, robbers, robbers. You could also put your cash in the safe. The robbers are gonna look in the safe. Why wouldn't they look in the freezer after they've already ran safe in the safe? What do you mean I'd never do that?

I'm gonna want a nice pop as I'm leaving the robbery. I'm gonna open the canned green beans with a canned opener if I didn't get any money from the safe. I'm gonna find that fucking money. Also, it's absolutely stupid that there's this freezer in the back office of the gas station when there are freezers. Right. The entire wall of a gas station is a cooler and like, what's behind that cooler is a room that is a walk-in cooler. You do not need a little one tiny little freezer with one of each item as backup. He's got as many fridge. He's a dorm guy.

Yeah. It's a mini fridge for money. And this is where Jesus says to him that Jesus is like, by the way, the cash is in the freezer. And Cal, right? Cal's the guy back here trying to hack the hacking. He's like, okay, why are you helping me? And Jesus says, like, okay, well, if I help you rob the store, will you stop robbing the store? And I was like, no, what? You'll need to do way more magic tricks before. I'm still on board with you being Jesus.

I think you're the mentalism guy. And he asked Jesus to do a miracle. And then the miracle that he does appears to be like the Bing Bong sound of the Safecracker program finishing running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not really a miracle. That's just time. It's amazing. They, they, he programmed a trumpet fanfare to go off at the end of his hacker safe, the

program program. I'm going to be honest. Sometimes I really do believe that Christians have abandoned the Bible and have switched to being like, what if Jesus was more of a Jedi? There's no like... All right, so he can open safes with his mind. All right, so he says stuff like, I'm gonna help you even though it's a crime. And you're like, what?

I'm getting my mind blown. He's Jedi-ing. That's the whole thing. This isn't the Jesus of Job. This isn't the God of Job. This isn't the God who's like, oh, why do bad things happen to bad people? Because fuck you. That's why bad things happen because I'm fucking God. Well, it's like even He said to cyclone. The Jedi thing even let's take a step back like spoiler alert at the end of this Jesus pulls the bullet out of the good guy with a gun

It's just a complete rip off of the matrix. Yep. Yeah. It's just the end of his hand and pulls it out of his. Because it's the code. Yeah. The whole thing. It's just Neo.

Oh, how amazing would have been if he had reached his hand in and just pulled out his lever and been like, oh, fuck, sorry. I don't know modern medicine. Oh, I was thinking about the four humors. I'm pushing it back in. Oh, okay, buddy. There's something to that that's really interesting. It is that like trying to re-characterize Jesus as like things that are more reminiscent of popular tropes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's something to that. No, there's a definite destruction of that biblical character of Jesus, where that idea of like, hey, guess what?

Also, fuck you. Some of it's inconvenient, right? Yeah, the Jesus of this circumstance is like doing everything he can to help, but also like allow you to have free will to make the choice, but despite the fact that he's allowing you to have free will, means you don't. And so there's this whole dumb thing going on instead of that classic biblical God who just says, shit happens, go fuck yourself, I'm God.

I don't remember that verse. You haven't read Job enough. Okay, he gets pissed. Yeah. I like how passive-aggressive Jesus starts just listing obnoxious details about how he's doing. Yeah. So you really got to tell your wife that you got laid off.

I know you got laid off and you know, you're really talking. You should really go down on her more too, I would say. Yeah, yeah. No, yes. I want you masturbate when you were 14. It might as well be what he said. It's weird. You do a stranger a lot more than most adults do. I mean, I get it when you're a kid.

You want to do a stranger every now and then, but like you're a grown-up now. Just, just bang one out. Anyways, so meanwhile, back in the gas station, exhausting and lefty too. Let it take for a, come on, man. You know, I'm watching. Check off in the closet like Jesus does.

That is in the Bible almost. So meanwhile back in the gas station, crazy bad guy has a cell phone now and SWAT is here. At the gas station robbery, SWAT is here. My favorite part was how much of the hostage situation we skipped over to just see them opening the door a crack and getting handed a phone. I feel like it takes a little bit more before you get handed a phone. You know, like there has to be some sort of conversation without a phone like, hey, give us a fucking phone. Or maybe like a robot comes and gives you the phone.

Yeah, exactly. All we've seen is a fucking small town rent a cop show up. And then all of a sudden there's a fucking 1980 cell phone with Gordon Gecko holding the other end of it. And somebody who's lived through a situation like this, it again does not ring true. It does like every like a gas station robbery is something that is pretty easy to pull off kind of because nobody cares. No. Yeah. And if everybody's

in your train to just let people have whatever they want. Totally. And the people who are robbing the store usually know that that's what the training is. That's the point. That's why you rob a gas station. It never escalates to this. And that's why it's like, is they trying to get the nuclear codes? Is there some other stakes to this? And they never make it clear. And it's frustrating. No, it's not. When the phone came in, I was like bullshit, bullshit. I would never get to this point. No, I mean, it honestly makes you think that JD's entire plan is based around some knowledge of Mr. Patel's secret life, which is like, that is a far more interesting story

than Jesus fixing Cal's issues. You're not wrong. A regular therapist seems like they could fix Cal's issues. Just like, hey, you have issues with your dad. That's the problem that we're dealing with here. You need to focus more on your fucking son in the positive side of your life. And then the fucking, how did JD know that this was living a double life? If he is. If he is. Yes, exactly. Jesus is trying to get like, he's trying to convince Cal that like, Yeah, before the third act.

Before the third act. Crazy person. Yeah, and he's like, hey, you know, I did know your dad and I still do. He loves you. He loves you. There's a lot of you talking about. Many points to the wall that he imagines. And it blows Cal's goddamn mind.

Incredits. We don't see what it is. We just see them look at the wall and it's like, what? What is it? Oh my God. Yeah. Right. Jesus says it's been there the whole time.

And I was like the password one, two, three is written on the wall. And Jesus said, that's his big sign. I was thinking it was maybe the original spider Spider-Man poster from back in like 2001 that had the twin towers on it that got recalled. It's a Honest Wagner's rookie card. Holy shit, it's Honest Wagner. That's worth a million dollars. He was a serious racist and an abuser, but like really good at baseball.

This is a weird conversation we're having. Anyway, yeah. So there's some kind of, there's some kind of big sign on the wall, but, uh, you know, we're not going to find out what it is quite yet. Before we find out, we're going to take one more quick break and then we'll back to reveal the, it turns out least impactful cliffhanger ever constructed in the big finale of the encounter episode one, the heist. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick, and I'm Heathen, right?

And for just a moment, we'd like to talk to our older listeners. That's right, youngins. Go ahead and step out of the room. We need a second with the old folks. Don't worry, you can come back in a bit. Hey, maybe cancel somebody while you're out there. The hamburger, he seems problematic, right? Work on that. There you go.

Yeah, perfect. So, now that it's just us, older folks, couple of things. First off, when technology, quote, breaks, 99.99% of the time, It's because you're using it wrong. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. And the remaining 0.01% of the time,

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awful to get the deal and start protecting yourself online. Okay, young people. You can come back in now. All right. So, you guys cancel the hamburger, what'd you do? Oh, wow, they did. They did. Yeah, he's on Tucker Carlson this Thursday. Look at that. Yep, every time. Okay, everyone, down on the ground, buddy in the bags!

Don't you see, Johnny? This isn't what your father wanted for you. And it's not what I want for you. Maybe. But this is the life I have. Johnny, we are trying to do a goddamn robbery here, man! I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me.

I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear me. I hear want. That was nothing! I didn't mean anything! What do you know about the life I want? Except for what you want my life to want to have the life you need.

Arm robbery in progress! Really need you to focus up right now. Want the life, want life, want you have want. But I want the life you need till you need the life I want you to want me to want you. All right, all right, I'm out. Everybody's dead. And we're back. And now JD is trying to negotiate safe passage to Mexico. That's awesome. With the local police negotiator guy that apparently got called in.

I absolutely love that. Well, he's trying to negotiate safe passage to Canada because he wants a Northern coyote. And then in an even more confusing sentence, he says, you know what I mean, which implies that he was like, I want a professional coyote. And then the person on the other end of the phone was like, do you mean Wiley coyote from the cartoons? Because we can't get you a cartoon coyote. Wiley is very unprofessional.

I believe they said professional coyote at one point. Yeah. Which, which was confusing to me, because is there any world where you want an amateur coyote? Is there a licensing? I feel like you don't have like what is somebody like I'm a moon lighter I'm on guard I'm the over driver of coyotes Good or bad the coyote, why would you, that's so involved.

Why would you want somebody like ferriting you across a border like that? You're walking through stretches of land. You wouldn't like just fly to somewhere. You know what would be great too is like, ah yes, we'll get you a coyote and it's an FBI agent pretending to be a coyote. What, what law enforcement agency has a good relationship with a good coyote, a good

coyote is not known by a law enforcement agency. That's what makes a good coyote good. I'm definitely you know what I think I think what happened here is that the in the the writers room they realized like all right, it's unrealistic unrealistic if they're asking for a plane full of gas. Yeah, right. That's how it's out. Right. That's silly.

We're not going from a fucking gas station to DB Cooper. It's not happening. Gags up the chopper. Yeah, exactly. We want a chopper to fucking. No, we're robbing a gas station. We want to sweet in the excella express down to Jacksonville and then we'll take a bus to near the Texas, Mexico border.

I want an Uber X. Do you hear me? An Uber X. I assume they're in California, right? Yeah, they have to be in California, but it doesn't sound like they want to go to Mexico. Right? No. I don't know. I thought they asked to go to Mexico with a coyote. Oh, did they?

I thought it was, I thought Eli just told us that it was a Canadian Northern coyote. Yeah, Eli says a lot of things. I thought it was a Northern coyote. I thought I heard Northern coyote. Well, okay. Number one, I was willing to go along with you because I am a trusting person, but Northern coyote sounds fucking crazy. I want a union cut. I would like a tundra wolf to take me to Ottawa. The reason that I thought it was California is just, it felt like it, and then also the movie Jesus has a driver's license. Oh, okay.

He's got a California driver's license. This is California Jesus, yeah, okay. So's got a California driver. He's got a California Jesus. Yeah, okay. So I just assume like, oh, this is just, Bruce Martianno Jesus is in California. That's the California Jesus. All right.

Now, that raises a whole nother question. That raises a whole nother question. Does Jesus have all 50 state IDs? Should he be in any state at any given point? Oh. Maybe that's who Mr. Patel makes fake ideas. It's probably not with Mr. Patel. Oh, shit.

If Mr. Patel is Jesus, this is fake, I hate it. It's his handler. Yeah. It's like Jason born again. But that brings us back to the question of, is Jesus inhabiting a regular person's body? Or is he creating a brand new human being out of his own essence?

Well, it's tough to say from the medium of storytelling of the film because he looks exactly the same in the movie. Sure. And he has an ID that's Jesus. And it looks a lot like him. And it's Jesus. It's Jesus. It says Jesus.

Yeah. So he has it like he went to the DMV. Jesus of Nazareth average height five foot six of Santa Monica. Yeah, so he has a, like, he went to the DMV. Jesus of Nazareth, average height, five foot six. Of Santa Monica. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. No, no, totally. One Galilee road, Nazareth Galilee. But place unknown coming up to the place is Jesus Christ.

He is an organ donor. That's nice. That is nice. I already have a donkey license. Does that transfer? No, a donkey. Fine. That's a. That's a class of D. That was actually one of the reasons that he was crucified as he didn't have a license to ride that donkey. Yeah. Got into a minor accident. This is also where Jesus reveals the cliffhanger from before the commercial break for us. Amazing cliffhanger indeed.

Which is he has made not one, but two vision boards of Cal's life. The first one is the vision board where Cal doesn't listen to him about how it lives his life. And he's not, you say vision boy, it's not like a fucking hologram and Jesus is showing him like some amazing spiritual magic. It's literally a cork board with like the little things

running across it and pushpins. It's like a conspiracy theory, but yeah, of his life. It's the Charlie day from it's always sunny meme. Exactly. That's what it is. It's him being like, no no you don't get it man See your life started here. Your dad was kind of an asshole and that's where we wound up if you don't if you don't swear

Absolute fealty to me life will be bad You don't bro. You don't even want to see the pictures on this that says you didn't follow me Also, you don't even want to fucking know. I understand that like the whole religious conception is to give your life to God. You know, like, I get that. It comes off wrong when it's an individual saying, give your life to me. Yeah, when it's a personified person, it's creepy. It's how.

You know who else says that? Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat. Shang Tsung is also a give your life to me. Literally was about to say. You said of a bit. I had a soul sucking joke and everything. Oh, too bad. Too bad.

I'm coming to Chicago. You guys wait there. You guys wait Chicago. I'm coming there. I'm gonna get to all the mortal combat references first. Surprise, motherfucker. I'm coming there. I'm gonna get to all the Mortal Kombat references first. Surprise, motherfucker. I'm sub zero. All right. So meanwhile, Mouse Cater, which is what I have called JD and my notes is is back up at the front of the store asking for, I don't know, a rocket

ship or whatever he's demanding at this point. Real quick. Did you call him a mouse cater because JD sounds like JD and you're referring him to Justin Timberlake? Say, Justin Timberlake. I believe I did say Justin Timberlake. That's because I'm British by birth. That's not true. That's not even true at all.

So I'm sorry I lied to you like that. I'm just nervous. I made up a lot of things just now. I don't think British people say C.H. for J either. I believe that you are Justin Timberlake's. No, I call him the mousecater because in this scene, he yells for the first time. And when he does, his voice goes like this. So he'll spend the rest of the movie talking like this. I found it very distracting. Are we gonna start making fun of people whose voice is crack.

Yeah. We also get a little more negotiating here with the negotiator guy. And so JD is saying, I know you can do better than that. Like you're breaking my balls. My balls, I wanted so much more handled in this guy. Yeah, for it's local cops, whatever. It's just some guy who's like, yeah, Steve, you're negotiator guy. I don't know. He's probably gonna ask for like a pizza or something. You figured out. I wish that this had just turned into like that Denzel movie, the inside man.

movie the inside man. It's like it just gets real intense with the negotiator or the Sam Jackson negotiator with Kevin Spacey. All of a sudden they just show up out of nowhere. This is the second Kevin Spacey reference. I'm not very comfortable. It's baby driver. It's the it's not my fault. I didn't write the Jesus TV show. It's Jesus's fault. That is Jesus's fault again. They're both canceled, fair enough. Yeah, there was not enough negotiation fun. It's just an evergreen kind of thing to have on a show. Yeah, absolutely. The back and forth, like ridiculous demands.

You know, I can't do that. Keep them on the line. Keep them on the line. All right. Okay. Real quick, real quick question. You're in the situation where you're being robbed in real life. All right.

All of a sudden you're taking hostage. What's your ask from a negotiator? Wait, wait, you're hostage? The hostage is asking for the hostage. Oh, no, that's not true. Hostages get to ask for like pizza and shit. So what is your, do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, you're gonna be in the hostage situation.

You're about to get Stockholm syndrome like a motherfucker. You're gonna be like, this guy is actually just fighting for the little guy and the fucking cops outside of the man. I'm trying to make it through this situation. This guy is now my buddy. Okay. What are you asking for? I want some of the good cocaine from the evidence room.

All right, you can't have that. I want it. Listen, listen, you know I can't do that. You know I can't do that, man. All right, the bad cocaine from the evidence room. A specimen cup full of John Ham's semen. All right, well, that's not, that's not hard. John Ham's semen is the bad cocaine.

I want a, yep, I want a specimen cup full of John Ham's semen. We can get you John Ham's bad semen. Not good stuff, not a good stuff. That we keep in the oven and flak her for real. I'm going to need a professional coyote. Oh, if I were in that, I want the Listen, I want the escape guy. Yeah, the hostage taker can go fuck himself. I want a coyote now.

Because if I were in this situation and I were in the gas station, I wouldn't want anything because they have cigarettes and booze. Like I just have a party. There's a lot of fun stuff already got in. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Being in the hostage taker could party. It's candy. That's a good point.

No one's going to blame you if you steal a thing of cigarettes and smoke it with the guy. They're going to be like, Hey, listen, you did what you needed to do to survive. You should take advantage of it. I'm taking a bunch of scratch offs with me. I'm going to win money totally, totally. Also another thing too, like maybe this is bad advice, but this is what I was always led to believe and understand is that like someone robbing a gas station is not going to hurt you.

That is an escalation of whatever crime that they're committing that they are, it's not worth it to them. Totally. It would be nuts. So if you are in a situation and someone tries to take you hostage, like tries to take you off the premises, just don't go. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Second offense on Robin

of gas station, you're still doing two to five. Yeah. Attempted kidnapping is 20 to life. For sure. If you go, you're in trouble. Yeah. They're not going to cause a problem. They don't want that. Just go limp, shit yourself, whatever you got to do. Don't go. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I would have done if I were one of these people. They came for $85 and some air heads. They are not here for first degree manslaughter. Totally. It's like all cop chases where you see the cops chase somebody and you're like, what are you gonna do? You might kill like four people to stop this guy from getting a hundred bucks.

Let's move on with our lives. Gotcha him later. No more chases. No chasing. You have his license plate. Oh, we're going to do a pit maneuver for a hundred bucks. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. And I think that the cops in this situation would even know that like, they're part of escalating this to a hostage situation. No, I wouldn't do this. Let's just add this into it.

Okay, this cop is coming into this gas station knowing immediately that those people are shooting at him. This is a fucking gas station. What if he hits something? True. What if he hits one of the wires? Now there's fucking gas going everywhere. We're fucked in this situation.

Let him go, man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just take the L bad priorit situation. Let him go, man. Yeah, yeah. Just take the L bad prioritize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a lot of good advice on policing. One of the things you're known for, one of the things I'm known for. But the point is that Cal is convinced by the two vision boards. And so he's on the good guy side now. So he's, he's going to start by knocking out crazy eyes. Yeah, that was weird. Well, the real secret is Jesus.

But we're talking about vision boards. So yeah, you had the collage that was like the bad collage. It's like if you don't go with me, this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna be a prison, you're fucked. Ghost of Christmas future. Exactly. And then like if you do,

hey, you get to get out before your son is able to talk or whatever the Fush sure you can have a good life if you just go along with me. Find me the biggest Christmas goose. And then so Cal is like, Fuck yeah, I'm in. Then they use God as a distraction. Yeah. In order to get the bad guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, who is better at creating a distraction than God? Delus Cannon comes is like, hey, what's going on back here? And then Jesus is like down the hallway. When Kyle jumps on it, like Jesus and Kyle set that up. Yeah, we're going to run a two-man game on this guy.

He's not going to make sure that we neutralize the threat. Jesus is going to get down behind him on his hands and knees and cows gonna push him into the pool, you know classic guys Absolutely. Yes classic bit And then they tie him up and put like tape on his mouth and Jesus is basically like giving him a thumbs up Yeah, they're like having fun together. Jesus like, oh, we got them all bound and gagged. This is so fun, right? We're like, I'm the Messiah. Where are we fun?

Here's the thing about storytelling that Christians absolutely do not get. There has to be at some point in time an actual delineation of what kind of powers the person has. Yep, you know, like if you're gonna give Jesus powers, eventually I'm gonna have to know where they begin and end. Otherwise, there's no point to this story whatsoever. You know what I'm saying?

There's no rule. They do not establish rules. I am bothered by that. Yeah, so what are Jesus' other powers? The storyboards for this episode might as well be there's no point to this story whatsoever. Totally, totally. What, because if Jesus could have done more, why didn't he? If the goal was salvation, this could have been handled infinitely earlier.

If it's because of his dead dad deciding to accept Jesus Christ, why didn't Jesus go right from there to then? Did loose cannon get a chance? loose cannon didn't get a chance at all. loose cannon was fucked from the beginning. Jesus didn't seem to then. Did loose cannon get a chance? The loose cannon didn't get a chance at all. Loose cannon was fucked from the beginning. Jesus didn't seem to be talking to loose cannon. I mean the ultimate creator of this entire job has to be Jesus if Jesus was there since the beginning. Yup.

You're saying he's the Kevin Spacey. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Jesus is Kaiser Sozo. So good, buddy. Pfft. Pfft. Jesus. Jesus is Kaiser so bad. Jesus.

Oh, Bruce Marciano is walking away and his limp disappears. The holes in his hands. He'll up. Come on. J.D. was coming. He's the whole time. But yeah, so they've tied up crazy eyes.

And this is where Carl is going to have his like weird stare down with JD where he's like, I'm doing the right thing and he like pushes him out of the way so that Jesus can lovingly, really, really tenderly and lovingly heal good guy with a gun's tummy won't. Well, like, Neo, he pulls the bullet out of him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a real bummer. Well, like, Nio, he pulls the bullet out of him. Yeah. Yeah, it was a real bummer. So we watched that happen. And then I love JD is still doing the robbery in his head at this point.

He watches a bullet. Yeah. He magically removed from a man's belly by Jesus Christ of Nazareth. And he's like, okay, but I still want like to cigarette some candy and we love to get something. They have to talk him down a little bit more. Think about what you could steal from Jesus. like, okay, but I still want like to cigarette some candy and we lot to get to something. They have to talk them down a little bit more. Think about what you could steal from Jesus.

You could get Jesus to give you powers. I'm fairly certain Jesus is leprechaun in this scenario. So there's probably a lot of gold at the end. You can figure it out. If you answer Jesus's riddle, he'll fuck you. Exactly. That's what they say. I was watching this and I was like, well, prosecution of this is now completely fucked.

There are multiple witnesses of complete miraculous events. No one is a reliable witness. No one, this is never going to work. They would cut a plea deal so goddamn fast. Oh, man. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. This person on the stands saying that the clerk pulled a bullet out of the guy's stomach. And Gavill mistrial. We're done.

Yeah. Yep. All right. So yeah, they finally all give up on the robbery, including JD. He finally gets talked down. They agree to give up. So now we cut into the future where Cal is telling the story of this whole thing to other prisoners in jail. He's given a little TED talk while in jail in the future. I wanted so badly for one guy to stand up and just be like, dude, you're fucking lying. Just say you robbed a gas station and like, you're breaking this meeting. say you robbed a gas station and like you reckon this meeting.

Yeah, we were all touched by Jesus here, buddy. All right, let's move on. Also, he says that he'll be walking out of here in 64 days, which gives his sentence was two years in 64 days, which I want to go back to the promise Jesus made that Dan mentioned earlier, he said, Jesus said, if you turn yourself in, you'll be out of jail before your son can speak, and your girlfriend is pregnant with a boy. Oh, that's right, Jesus did a gender reveal as part of his magic trick. I forgot that.

Well, you would only show up if you're Jesus if it is a boy, okay? Jesus doesn't show up for Let's not go crazy. Yeah, I wanted Jesus to set off a bomb back there for the gender reveal and then like the SWAT team just Just shoot everybody 16 died of the gas explosion of the billion Jesus apparently revealed it was a boy California lights on fire. That's where we are six wildfire started out of a gas station the other day because Jesus revealed to a criminal that he was having a boy. Everybody, let's give him a round of balloons.

In good news. This convinced to you stand off to end. This convinced you stand off to end. Mysterious ways, ladies and gentlemen, the mysterious way. Is it a good guy with a gun? Jesus kills 14 to save one soul, everybody. Now that's the God of the Bible right there. That's the best part of the little TED talk too. The cows like, yes.

So Jesus totally got me out of trouble. Oh, sorry about the rest of you. I don't know. Do you have a Jesus story? Just me, great. I'm out in 64 days. Go fuck yourself. That is, I think, probably one of the best parts of that Coda. But the other best part of it is he's sitting there and he's like, yeah, they said I shot the guy, but then on the stand, the guy who got shot was like, doctors can't find a sign that I got shots. So who am I? The disagree.

Like, what a weird answer for that guy. That dude's engaging in a cover. A good guy with a gun is going to go on the stand and be like, well, I guess everything's fine. No, the good guy with the gun is going to be like, that motherfucker, shot me. I want him to have the death penalty and Jesus saved me. So I don't have to die in sin. Like that's the weirdo guy that that is. Yeah. Everybody is fucking lying about this.

Everybody is lying. Including Jesus. Now we need a season of true detective unraveling what really happened in this gas station. I was a flat circle when you see Jesus, man, I'm telling you, it was quiet. It was dark and there were two vision boards. One with good at one with the light. When you go into the back of this gas station, you're now in Carcosa. Nobody sees the base until the base shows up. Now that's just the truth. The thing that I think about that, like the rest of the people there, it's got to be sort of implied that Jesus gave all of them a chance. Right? Why? Just a really

subtle one way, subtler than Mrs. Cranston. They just got like a sign. This is a real loud chance. Yeah, that was pretty loud. The moment you say you've been made, just I don't understand any crime where you say, I've been made before you commit the crime. Yeah. If you've been made, you no longer have been the crime.

Yeah, we're fucked. Let's do it anyway. Let's not do it. Guess what? We didn't commit a crime yet. So we've been made means we don't get to commit this crime and we all get to go home happy. We saw our friend, Mrs. Cranston. Wait, Mrs. Cranston. Nice day for us. We got, we're getting gas, Mrs. Cranston. Hello.

Yeah. I did wrestle with the spiritual message of this. And I think it was worse because I watched the movie because in the movie, Jordan, you haven't seen the movie. I have not. One of the things that is so constant in the movie is that like sting, the character of sting. I don't care about who he is in the movie. Who gives a shit? He is doubting.

He will not go along with this Jesus who is running a diner called the last chance, right? Well, I mean, it's too on the nose to believe in God. Yeah. And so like Jesus keeps explaining to him that like your grandma was really cool. Your grandma pre-healing for you alone. And your grandma was cool.

And now Jesus is bound to try to save this person because of the work of the grandma. So I feel like there's a chance that like Cal had some kind of, oh, because his dad did convert in prison. Right. And so like, so you're saying, you're saying maybe, if I understand correctly, you're saying that if all of the other people involved in the heist had grandparents or parents who gave enough of a shit about them to pray for it. They would have gotten second chance, but only because Cal had a dad that gave a shit enough, despite JD being his fucking brother. Yeah. Everybody in prison too. Yeah. If they had family members

who prayed, right, right. Yes. No. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Wait, guys, this show makes sense. This, no, we're moving, let's turn it over. It's time together. It does. I'm sorry, God awful movies is over. Now it's just me and Dan figuring this shit out for good. But the thing that I've been thinking about, that Dan has just pointed to was so much that this conception of God and Jesus

is far more like a pyramid scheme than anything else, right? Yeah. So here's what happens. You than anything else, right? Yeah. So here's what happens. You convert to Christianity, right? And then God gives you one save or whatever it is. So now Cal is gonna raise his kids Christian. So they don't ever get the fucking save. They don't get the save.

They just have more Christian children out of that shit. So then God goes to the next person who gets the save and then their children are, it's all a fucking pyramid. You need a down. That's the important thing. Totally, totally. It's like a whole booth in the spiritual internet.

Absolutely. You gotta have. I figured it out. Okay, counter proposal. What if the encounter television show, it takes place in a fictional universe where Jesus is forced like some kind of bound genie to answer all the prayers in the world. It does feel that way. So episode two is just

going to be him and a children's cancer ward just being like, fuck, man, all your parents, huh? All your parents prayed, shit. Okay, a lot to do today. It feels like that. Like it felt like you, it felt in the movie, it felt like he was really annoyed by staying and he was only there because his grandma kept praying. It's like a Jesus. It's like if quantum leap heads had Jesus in it, where he's like Jesus, I gotta go to this place. I mean, me, I gotta go to this place now. God, dammit. And also one of the biggest issues that I take with this episode in general too, is that there's such a transactional kind of feeling about Jesus.

Yeah. There is, like, Cal would not have accepted whatever was going on. If it didn't come along with the carrot of I'm gonna get you out of this problem. Yeah, what if Jesus is like, hey, no matter what's gonna happen happen, you're going to do 25 to life because your friend committed attempted murder. And as we all know, the law says that if you

are in the middle of a burglary, one of your friends commits attempted murder, all of you can be accused of attempting murder and trying to do the right thing. If you do the right thing and you give up and don't make the situation worse, you'll be able to meet your kid when it's in college. Hey, maybe maybe you'll get out early on and like a dime. Maybe you'll get out on a dime, you know? You can retain your relationship with your child. Tell her and maybe she'll bring it your child to the jail and you can have a relationship if you're going to prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think he would have, he would have gone along with it? No, he would have been like, Hey, Satan, what's your offer?

Yeah, let me get a cell phone. I got to talk to somebody to negotiate something. Let me live. Yeah. The slot team to give me a, a Satan cell phone. Do you have a coyote you'll get me to hell? I'd like a coyote into hell, really quick. I'd like to hear from Muhammad. Okay, okay, all right. So I get it. Duke of hell, and I don't do any jail time, I'm gonna go for it. I'll take that deal.

I'll take that deal any day. Duke of hell, Duke, Duke of hell, Duke, Duke of hell, Duke. All right, well, I think we just described the moral of the story in several different ways. Does anybody have any other theories beyond what the transactional nature of Jesus Christ? I do feel like it's exploitative. I really don't really think like as somebody who grew up religious and I don't have like a real anti religious bent

like a lot of folks I know do. Sure. And I don't judge people who do. But like sure. I don't think that religion is an implicit negative. But the version of religion that's painted in this, I think is an actually entirely negative view. 100%.

I think it's horrible. It's really fucked up. I think you're really inefficient system by Jesus overall. That's what it's about with it. That's true too. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it is, it's hard to grapple with the fact that if this is popular Christian entertainment, then what Christians really want is the twilight zone version of God, you know, where there's a moral of the story. There's a fun little twist and then everybody moves on with their lives having learned the lesson of like, don't knock over a gas station, I guess. Yeah. Christians don't want a religion. They want a thrive pitch that ends with a threat.

Totally. It's so surface level. It's so surface level. It's so bullshit of like, man, I mean, I almost, I almost long for people who gave a shit about God to actually make this show because it'd be fucked up. If you really read the Bible and you make this show, then God shows up and he's like, Hey, guess what?

Bad shit happens. Frankly, I don't even know why. That's why you don't ask me questions. Well, if you had watched the movie, one of the things that sting brings up is like, you had your people kill all the Canaanites. Yeah. That's genocide, bro. It's a real genocide, bro.

Like straight up. Bro, he brings straight up. He brings that up and Jesus' character, his only answer is, yeah, I did that. Yeah, yeah. But that's the thing, that's the thing about the Bible that I do. That's the thing about the Bible that I actually respect That's the thing about the Bible that I actually respect.

That's one of the few things about the Bible that I do respect is when there's literally like, no, no, when they're literally like, God just goes, don't question me. I'm God. Because to me, that reads like a guy writing a book of the Bible who's like, I don't understand either. We're trying to get through this. Right. Because I'm your dad and I said so. Go fuck yourself. Exactly. 100%. The thing that Jordan and Myers are about the bible is no half measures. Totally.

Totally. Look, if you're going to fucking be a Calvinist, sack up and do it. Nothing means anything. Everything's predestined. It doesn't matter if you care or don't care. God has said you're going to act like you do. Move on with your life. It's fascinating how this episode of this television show is so incredibly boring. And yet somehow excited this level of rant. Hard brought out the hard Calvinism in Jordan. If you'd like to buy your hard Calvinist Jordan T-shirt, you can do so at God awful movies.com. We've got the watch the new series. Jordan somehow gets mad at C-SPAN.

All right, but yes, moral of the story is basically your Christian, you get sky cake, your Jewish, you don't the end. Yeah. Fair That's a fair reading and that's gonna do it for our review of the encounter episode one But that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we found another bad movie somewhere. So Eli What's on deck? We'll be watching the first in a series of kids movies super kid Academy, the intruder. All right. Well, with the super kid Academy, the intruder to look forward to, we're going to bring

episode three or five to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Jordan and Dan for joining us again. And before we wrap it up, where can everyone hear more from you guys? Well, I have a show coming up on Pure Flicks me and David. We worked out a deal where I'm going to punch up some of these these shows. And we're just doing complete page one rewrite of all of the Pure Flicks shows. One of these didn't suck. Classic question. So look for that in 2022. Yeah. If you, uh, if you haven't seen those or don't have a pureflick subscription, then you can probably find us at knowledgefight.com

or the like there. We've also got a show called God's Damn Wizard that's coming out. You can find that on YouTube right now. All kinds of fun. It's a fun D&D adventure. It's a fun D&D adventure if, uh, people enjoy that. Yeah. I just learned to play D and D recently. Excellent. This is my first, uh, uh, you're just campaign as well. It's, yeah, it's tough to get used to. This is essentially four, five, no, five people who've never played or know four people and one person who's played a lot of D and D before all, uh, kind of muddling their way through a weird story. Oh, right. Fantastic. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity.

If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And that'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out by leaving us good reviews. And by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist. Sitation needed, The Skeptocrat and D&D Monis, available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God-OffelMovies.com, the legal services for this podcast are provided with the lawfuls Pian Drittorrez,

our theme song was written performed by Ryan Slotnik and the evil drafts on Mars, all other music was written performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark, who was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Jordan, Dan, and Eli, I'm Heath, for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Jordan, Dan, and Eli, I'm Heath, promise him to work hard to turn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House clothes.

Janitor Jesus would go on to stop a murder with contrasting crochet products and some insider trading with no less than four embroidered examples. Earl went on to get arrested for trying to steal Nancy Pelosi's lecturing. All of the hostages would go on to live terrified lives where no one believed what they had been through and constantly questioned their own sanity.

They all ended up in hospice. Thanks, Jesus. questioned their own sanity, and they all ended up in hospices. Thanks, Jesus. Mr. Patel has been dead for 10 years. And Heath, if you just bring some good energy to this intro, just like, don't get to do in your head, but just like, good energy. Welcome people to the show.

We got real guests. Listen, Heath, don't suck it up this time head, but just like good energy. Welcome people to the show. We got real guests. Listen, Keith, don't suck it up this time. You got knowledge by hanging out. We're gonna be, we'll fucking come for you. Do you think we won't? Welcome back to God of the Movies. All right, here we go. Just like friendly, but not nervous.

Okay, what do you mean like guys into friends? Will you give me a number from one to 10 like how much energy? Yeah, like so like a 14 14 out of 10. Okay. If you try and beat me, you're in trouble. So shoot for that. Super Jordan. All right, here we go. Jordan minus one. Got it. Jordan minus one. Jordan minus one. Broom, got it. Jordan minus one. Jordan minus one. Okay.

Welcome stupid. No, no, okay. That's it. That was one. Okay. I got this. I'm relaxed. Casual just hanging out. Friends. Okay. That's real close. That's real close. That's so spoiled. Hope you're ready for some fucking hilarity in this segment. Morgan.

No more holding back. Yeah. It just went terrible. Right as you said that. I was going to say, the more excited you are, the worse it's out. No. Right. Here we go. Second to. I'm recording. Zencaster is recording and your internet is slower now. It's it's not recording because it's going to keep the internet before what do we just talk about with this ton of voice?

We know I didn't listen to the P tell Eli was me just talk about when this ton of voice? No, I didn't listen to all the P-tell Eli was me not listen when my tone of voice is like this. I find it helps with Jordan, and if he's getting a little out of pocket, I just go Do the next time I'm gonna fingers to my neck and it really it really comes we don't it really reminds me of my place Look quick click Eli you hear that? You know, I hate those clicks. I also do positive conditioning sometimes. When he's good, I give him a beer. He associates obeying.

Eli, you want a cube of tofu? You know, I wanted to cube tofu. Don't tease me. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2021. All right, reserved.