God Awful Movies - 306: Super Kids Academy - Episode 1

Episode Date: June 29, 2021

This week, Marsh joins us to watch kids try (and fail) to clap in rhythm. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K

He's in he's certainly in the 2013 but uh follow I really need you to know less details about this But I am fascinated I will if you go now if you're gonna bring me in to do something I'm gonna put the effort in You know I'm gonna he's kind of fly but I'm not Cara Santamaria she turns up to me As it walks the film and blacks it I'm gonna put the fucking effort in guys. Stop spired! Just the things it's Jeff. Like an idiot. You heard me. She's actually really smart. She's smart. She's smart.

God awful! Movie! Who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be who be Eli has going. I'm amazing, Keith. How are you? I'm pretty good. Glad to hear your amazing. Wasn't expecting that. You weren't. Did you watch this week's movie? I, okay, I enjoyed it. Yes, I did. Yes, I really, really did. I'm a passionately enjoyed this super kid. And bam, bam, bam, we're in a narrow. Okay, we also have seasoned veteran maskist, who is also beautiful and talented. Michael Marshall, Marsh, welcome back. Oh, well, normally I would say, it's great to be back. And normally I would be lying.

But this time I'm actually telling the truth. Thank you so much for having me on this show and exposing me to this particular thing. This was, this was a joy. This is a lovely joy. All right, Marsh, let's get right into it. What are we going to be breaking down today? We watched Super Kid Academy, the intruder. It was an absolute joy. It was the story of a bunch of Christian kids with the superpower of asynchronous swaying, pushing back against the evils of network broadcasting. They will dance.

It's rough and delightful. They'll dance like they've never met each other before. Eddie lie, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love Barney the Dinos dinosaur, but that coward never took the time to give MTV the thrashing it deserves you will love this movie. It is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at. Yes. Yes. Yes. There is there is there is. Please go. Marsh. I'm going to go with the best way to defeat evil because we've got this big evil monopolistic media company that's broadcasting 24 seven all around the world on all of the channels,

horrible stuff. And the way to defeat that is to cut in every now and again on like one channel and do a song about who you are for four minutes and then stop again. And the thing is, if that's going to defeat all of evil, are they broadcasting it on all of the channels? Because if they're not, someone's going to go, oh, it's us fucking kids again, just switch obviously to either side.

No, they're solution to supreme evil was like, we made a YouTube channel, you all have to please watch it. Don't ruin the other stuff. Smash that button. Yeah. All right, I'm going to go with best worst rapper. Strong disagree. We are in a fight. Wow, apparently we're in a fight.

We're gonna get to the details of this rapper, but just know there will be a rapper and it's like, okay, imagine me rapping. Like imagine if I was gonna rap this whole episode, if I was like, rig, rig, rig, rig, wrap, wrap, wrap, gonna wrap this episode front to back. And when I say, God, it's worse than what you just heard. It's so much worse than that. I don't know how Eli is gonna defend this, but also a child at gunpoint. That's what you got to combine with it and it becomes the best thing ever.

Yeah. And also bear in mind, he's the way you're describing it. That sounds terrible. But listeners picture he's doing all that in a sideways cap with a CD on a string around his neck. Certainly amazing. Yeah. Exactly. All right. Exactly. Everyone wants that shirt. That's a good point. I will sell you that shirt at that CD. And see, I was going to go with best worst choreography, but that struck me as we were sitting here that I needed to talk about the fact that Kelly Copeland can't speak the English language. So I'm going to go with best worst pronunciation. So little background here, the namesake of the show as well as it's like writer, producer, director is Kenneth Copeland's daughter. Kenneth

Copeland being the famous spit on my hand to cure COVID. Public airplanes are jet tubes full of demons thing. I crazy person. He's also worth almost a billion dollars. So when his daughter was like, dirty, I want a paper show. He made her this television show. The problem is, what did she say? She appears to have a mouthful of big league chew. Yeah, hard to say with that. At all times, there is no part of the South. But that accent is from, and it is fantastic. Alabama actually has a big league chew accent. That's the, that's the problem. Oh, there you go. You're going to give it to you at birth. The doctor like, spanks you and then puts the dip in your mouth. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I thought it sounded like she'd made and then puts the dip in your mouth. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I thought it sounded like she'd made a deal with the devil where she gets her on TV show, but in return, every single word she says has to have a Y in it somewhere. All right. Well, you've got some idea of what we're about to talk about. We're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back to tell you all about

Super Kid Academy, the intruder. Super Kid Academy. That's right. We were more in the big, than if they ever were in the kids. Then the kids were. Yep. Okay, how about now?

Nope, higher, gotta be higher. Oh, dang. Oh, hey guys, what are you doing? We're sorry, we're building a shield around our computer so nobody can see what we're doing. Yes, so all our website stuff is completely secret no matter what. Guys, if you want to protect your privacy online, why don't you try IPvanish? What's IPvanish? IPvanish is a virtual private network, a VPN for short.

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I mean, yeah, there was there was there was never a need for that to at any point. No, but no, you do not need to build a giant wall around your computers. That what you're saying? I mean, yeah, there was there was there was never a need for that to at any point. No, but no, you do not need to build a giant wall around your computer. I don't know, Marsh, we already spent a lot of money on this wood and these nails. A lot of money. So much. Well, for listeners of the show, IP vanish is offering an incredible 65% off. That's just $3.49 for the first month or $31.49 for the whole year. Wow. That is way more affordable than everything we spent for the wall. Very. That's all the wooden stuff. Yeah. Yeah. The good deal. Well, everyone, go to ipvanish.com.com.org slash awful to claim 65% savings. They've got plans starting at just $349 or $31.49 for the year. This is the time to sign up with

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What? Sorry. Are you are you chewing gum? No, this is just her. Wow. Yikes. Uh, okay. Okay. Right. Um, so we got a chance to check out Commander Kelly. Um, you named the show and the character after yourself. Marr-Norm, earth color. Right. Okay. So for the script, what you've written is, the kids, my dad brought me, um, pin in that.

By the way, the kids, my dad brought me, dance and sing around and then Carmen sings the end thing. I learned that. I learned from her. Yeah. Okay. Kelly, that's not a show. You see how that's not a show, right?

Yeah, we can't make that. Not even for kids. That's nothing. My derpors worth the Perlian dollars. So we'll start filming the next day. I'll call Carmen's agent right now. Nice. I'm pretty sure that's just common.

Yeah. Yeah. Probably just common. Early in, we're totally in. What? Well, well, and we're back. And we're going to open up on a team of, I believe, flight attendant children, breaking into a house, into a bedroom where an adult is asleep

in the bed. It's uncomfortable. I was really hoping this was like the Christian version of don't wake daddy. Jesus sits up out of bed. They all have to go back to the start. And I did have a music note at this point, which is I'm going to have to jump over some eight bit snakes in this 2D dungeon. Yeah. And so we learned that they found what's called the super translator in this bedroom, in the closet, but they're looking at the door of the closet, which is closed, and they're like, look, they're super translator, which is, we're looking at a door. But okay, so some thing they found some like magical thing.

Yeah, I'm very bothered by this whole super translator thing, which we will find later out is a way of getting from one place to another. So it's a transporter or a teleporter. But now they keep calling it a translator. But the other one we bothered about as they talk about this, these various different kids is all of them can't get their lines out. They garble their words so much that I need a fucking super translate to just to understand what's going on. Yeah, they go into the closet, come back out and they're in subtitles. Okay, this is much easier.

This is not good, but yeah. It's also very weird because like this, this show, this is the first episode, it starts incredibly jargon heavy, but like three minutes from now, they're going to introduce all of this stuff. There's no reason for them to fucking the first 10 pages of doon this thing. But for some reason, they're like, let's use the super translator to fight the NME. Have you got the laser disk 4672? Right.

I thought it sent me the wrong YouTube link. I thought you sent me one that wasn't like that didn't have the start on it. That was just like, oh, you this is cold. I looked for the copy. Yeah, all of my notes are just, uh, Heath, are you sure this is the first episode? Because I have no fucking idea what's happening right now. It's called open like Marce said. It's very exciting.

We don't know exactly. It's going to be revealed to us. It's, it's, it's, it's very good writing. Yeah. So they make it through the door. But as they do the robot, they had to have a robot shrimp. And that wakes up who, the person whose room it is, and it's, it's Carmen. It's Christian singer songwriter, Carmen, the musical artist. I, okay, so I have questions about the guy who has a magical closet that attracts children to his bedroom. We'll let that go, I guess. Yes.

It's Carmen here. And he's, so he's wearing a Yankees jersey. And I didn't like what happened to me. Yeah. I was like, go Yankees. Okay, don't get roped in. Don't get, you're getting roped in. The fact that he's walking up like that, I really want to work with like a stonker direction as well, because it's the mirror. Oh, just excited about the Yankees. And as you say, he's got this weird space warp in his bedroom cupboard. And I thought the rich guy had a portal in his closet that attracted children to it would have been a way more convincing defensive Jeffrey Epstein than the one Lauren's crown tools to go with. He's increased. Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. So Carmen follows the children into the magical closet. It's not a good start to a movie. That's what happens now. And then a bad guy also comes in and we know this is a bad guy because he walks the bad guyishly.

Yeah. Yeah, I thought they'd been chased by a mime. That's the whole thing. The comfy is it all boys. Yeah, visually that's what we're looking at. We do know he's a bad guy though, because he's wearing a uniform that says NME on it, which is right. Like NME, but the letters NME.

I've got a confession to make at this point, which is I did not get that NME sounded like NME until about halfway through this. And in my defense, that's because NME in England is the new musical express, a very long-running indie magazine. So I was like, why is the guy from the NME? Are these kids in an open-coming pulse punk band from the 90s and he's trying to get an interview? Is that what happened in the year that they're running from the NME? So much better. That's disappointing. It wasn't that.

One of these kids is going to carve serious on his arm with a blade to prove how really into pulse pump out. Yeah, so he's going to report back to his boss. This is major dread and major dread looks like, um, Dom Deleweez and a cape. I was going to say me during quarantine, but I like yours better. Okay. Also a swimming cap. I don't know why he has a swimming cap. Yep.

A lot of the costumes in this one are very, uh, can we use the box of costumes from the church play from last week? Yeah, I agree, because I don't think this was a swimming cap. What it looked like for me was it looked because he had a cloak on as well, and it looked like he'd fallen asleep during a hair treatment at the salon, because he had his little cap on to the die and he had the cloak over his clothes. He was sleeping in front of his camera when the bad guy called him.

So does this guy just sleep in front of his camera all the bad guy called him. So does this guy just sleep in front of his camera all the time? Is that where he is at all points? And when the guy called him, what I really want is well to be like, hey bad guy, no, sorry, you're on mute. No, you've got to click join the computer audio. Right, go down to audio settings.

There's a little up arrow next to the microphone. I'm not a cat. I mean, we're here in real life. I'm not a cat. I'm major dread. I'm not a cat. I don't know what's happening. But yeah, the major dread, he's like, yeah, follow those kids. And I just wanted to throw this out. He's like, follow them and destroy their show or I'll kill you. And I feel like the threat wasn't necessary. You know, he's already

doing the job, major dread. Carrot and stick dude. Carrot and stick dude. Okay. But that henchman guy was literally making the jerk off motion while he was getting the speech from major dreads in this children's movie to be clear. So he hangs up on his hench person and now major dread is going to do a little monologue to himself. This is where we learn that they pirate the broadcasts of NME with hope and love. And then he scares himself by saying the words, hope and love. Yeah. And it's like, so the bad guy's agenda is stopping broadcast piracy.

So the good guys are basically like pirate bay or something. Yeah. Home Christian broadcasting is killing the evil villain industry and it's illegal. Exactly. Yep, but this guy represents the evil atheist anti-pirating thing, whatever, big not pirates. And we, by the way, are not going to get an explanation of that until right now in the movie. Right now, we're going to get some narration like the narrator was asleep at his desk and he was like, Oh, shit, sorry, all the world's networks were taken over by a man. You're absolutely right because I think he was asleep because the the narrator comes in with it seems like years now since the bad thing happened. It's like, you're the

narrator, you're the omniscient narrator. Be more specific. It seems like years now. Could you not have just told us how long it's actually been? Yeah. It's been a fuckload of time since the bad guys took over. Right. And to be clear, they're saying American Christians in 1992 just couldn't get their message out. It was very difficult for them. Yeah, they couldn't because obviously the world has this big scary evil NME broadcast

and corporation. And first of all, can you imagine a world where all the broadcast networks are owned by a handful of giant monopolistic media companies? That is a terrifying idea. But we find out that NME is a secret acronym for notoriously malicious enterprises. And there's a lot to say about that because one, it's not that secret acronym. You just told us what it is. So if you know, you've loved people, also not an acronym, that's an initial. Thank you, Marsh. I was furious about that. Like if you said it enemy, you could say it's an accurate, but they say NME. It's not. Yeah.

And how do you keep an acronym secret as well? Because if it's, if it's obviously an acronym, it's like, why are those in block capitals? That looks like an acronym. Like, you're very much given the game where, and what I love is kind of like, you know, because it's secret. We own literally all of broadcasting now because we are the NME.

Oh, okay, who's, who are, what is the NME? I'm not telling, I'm not saying, I'm not saying, no, no. Secret. Their HR videos are a nightmare. And the thing is, they're called the notoriously malicious enterprises, right? Did they start out as a notoriously malicious enterprises? Because that's very presumptuous to start from the opening gate as notoriously malicious.

I don't think it's possible to do that. You can't start notoriously anything. No. Unless you like just that arrogant. Like, no, we're going to get there. Like notorious BIG. Right. He wasn't.I.G. And then added notorious later. He was like, I'm going to be like, oh, maybe that is what happened. They only added notoriously once they gained notoriety. But if so, that means they would have been called the ME before that. And if so,

that is an acronym. And it's one, you can actually keep secret because you could say we're just the ME. So they shut themselves in the foot by adding the end. Yeah, do you think biggie was like the subtly biG? In your friend's biG. Yeah, just another biG. And I was thinking about the enemy as well. I guess they came to own all these broadcast companies presumed after a series of mergers from existing broadcast companies, so they were like NME M&A's. And then eventually, once they've done enough

mergers and acquisitions, they've formed a multinational enterprise or an NME M&A's. So, I thought through this so hard. Yeah. So I thought through this so much. But yeah, this is supposed to be a take down of MTV. And what's great about this is that they're trying to get from MTV to evil apocalypse. So they're like, yes, we started out by showing violence on television.

And then we murdered people. Seems like a job. I know it doesn't seem like a job to murder people on television. And then we murdered people. Seems like a job. I know it just seemed like a job to murder people on television right after that. But yeah, that's what we ended up doing. Yeah. And they have evil atheist kids at NME. And we know they're evil because they wear all black

and the girls have crimped hair. So those are the evil kids that are atheist. Are all of the broadcast shows exclusively filled with kids? Because if so, and that's all of broadcasting in this universe, that means in this universe, 9-11 was announced by children. Adorable. And created by children, right? Made up by children. kept getting the lines wrong.

Yeah. So I have a question about the technology here. Allegedly, the super kids fight back. They do their pirating because they have the last free transmitter and they keep it secret. What is that? What are they saying they have? It feels like you can make another transmitter. Right. I have no idea. But there's one, it's like a bot, there's like a VCR and they have, there's one left that they have and they pirate with that apparently.

Right. At least they use it for entirely productive means and not just for a glorified vanity project. We'll see what they actually do. For Kenneth Copeland's daughter, yeah, exactly. There's a lovely line in this as well, where says the organization used entertainment as a disguise to expand its reach. Says this Christian movie.

And then the next line is they attempt to control the world, the message of fear and evil, says this Christian movie. Yeah. So, and now it's time to actually meet the squad. We're going to get our first words from Commander Kelly in this scene. And I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I know I hinted at this at the beginning.

I don't know where Kelly Copeland's accent is from, but it's definitely from a time and a place when English had not fully been mastered. This was like early. It's from Big League 2 Alabama. Yeah. Yep. And this is also where we're going to meet the kids. Yeah, she says, we interrupt this for a mix of hope, although she actually says, we're in a work dirt for a work for her. Well, actually, what specifically what she says, is we are interrupting this regularly disgusting program with a message of hope, and I thought, isn't that the ad copy, most of your advertisers really want you guys to use? Yeah, Manscape just been mad about Manscape Man for a while. But this is where we meet the team. This episode is sponsored by IP Vanished. They could really prevent us from doing this if they

were to say. Yeah, they could probably get you hooked up with a secret transmitter. Yeah, exactly. Got get you hooked up with a secret transmitter. Yeah, exactly. Got a bunch of those. I mean, if a transmitter is transmitting secretly, it is going against the purpose of transmitting. So we're transmitting, but nobody can hear or tell that we're transmitting. This block of wood is a super secret transmitter. Not even I can pick it up. So yeah, we're going to go through the team.

There's Missy, who I have down as Jean-Bene Ramsey's dead body double. Yeah, I also picked up that that was absolutely Jean-Bene Ramsey. So I'm glad we are some practical on that. Yeah, I did not. I'm proud to say I did not notice that that was like John Bene Ramsey. My moving iron. You're lying. There's Alex, who is the African American guarantee that they referred to him that way in the script. Yeah, he looks like he's been forced they referred to him that way in the script. Yeah, he looks like he's been forced to do this at gunpoint all the way through. Yeah, Valerie, who I have down on my notes as meh. Well, Valerie somehow looks 100% like a 45 year old lesbian.

And I don't know how an eight year old can do that. No, she should be introducing you to her partner and riding around on a motorcycle in my wife's hometown for sure. There's Paul who was definitely a charlotte'sville. He will never convince me Paul does not grow up to be a charlotte'sville. Who streets Paul's streets? That's right. And then rapper, the greatest character ever.

First of all, they went with the description, didn't even bother to give this kid a name. And yes, as Heath mentioned, he has a sideways cap and a CD on a string around his neck. He's the best. Well, they gave him a name. His name is rapper. Yeah. His name is rapper. And he's, he's something he's appropriating like 12 different cultures they couldn't decide. He's got like a cheeky and like rasta thing going on. And he's wearing like a red Chinese prom dress, like an asshole. It makes no sense. And then, oh my God, they introduced him. And he actually does that like self hug thing. Oh, yeah. This was a hate crime. This moment was a hate crime in the movie. It's called the Be Boy Stancy. My, my theory on rapper is he was christened rapper by his

parents. And at this point, he has to lean into that. But without his heart, isn't in it. He doesn't want to be a rapper, but he's called rapper. Because if you imagine if you were called rapper and you didn't rap and didn't like rap, your life would be not worth living. So at least everybody's, oh, rapper, do you rap? Yes. And then drops it down. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do.

We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do.

We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. We have a lot of things to do. out somehow lazier than the kid named rapper, which is impressive.

He doesn't do any techno music. No, it seems like he would have done it like a really annoying house speed at one point while the rapper tries to rap over it. It could have made it fit. Yeah, he'll be in for like one set of words and then he vanishes and then reappears that it will get to it. We'll get to it. It's a waste of a robot completely. And underneath all of this, we hear kind of a theme tune. And essentially this entire song is, did you know

there are lots of words that end in E, and some of them, although in fairness, we are gonna use the word B for 50% of the rhymes in this. So we don't know all the words that end in E. Also in fairness, this is the best they do with rhyming by far. for 50% to the rhymes in this. So we don't know all the words that end in any. Also in fairness, this is the best they do with rhyming by far. Oh, very much. Are you saying Academy? Doesn't rhyme with Academy? I'm okay. It's not a equals a. Yes, March. I'm not. They rhyme tonologically. That's true. So now we cut to the headquarters and

the blue squad, that's our team, is turning in the footage that they have again, quote from the movie about gang activity, which I'm going to go ahead and say is a little intense for a kids television program. Gang activity in center city. Yeah. Turns out it was actually a hoax by Antifa is what we're learning here. It's so weird that we don't see any of this footage. We don't know anything about their mission. It's just kind of like, oh, here's the tape, by the way, cheers. And then Kelly's just like, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That'll be a perfectly fine way to start this scene. Why not? Also, did they have a dig on the Guardian Angels here at one point?

No, I think it was the opposite. I thought they were, it was like, oh, the gang activity was actually started to buy the evil gang and then framed on the Guardian Angels so it wasn't the Guardian Angels fault. Oh, they were saying that the vigilantes were a positive thing because they have the word angel in it. Yeah, yeah. Got it. Yeah.

Isn't that guy running for something? The guy who started the fucking Guardian Angels is a near Republican trying to get some spot now. I mean, I'm not surprised to hear it. I think he's a New York politician now based on him being promoted in Kelly Copeland's children shows. Yeah. This all tracks. I think about it. But she asks them, are they sure that they weren't followed? And this is, of course, where rapper wraps and it is amazing. It's beautiful. It is beautiful.

And I don't want to be that guy, but you know they wanted the black kid to play rapper. I've no question. No question. I've no question. It's only when the black kid's parent said he's not going to do that. That they hired a second kid who looks like a gurning Steve Guttenberg to take over the role of rapper. That is correct.

And they were like, okay, yeah, we don't want to make like the one black kid be the rapper. We'll make him literally urkel. That's not a problematic thing. Okay. But why? So this is where we get to it, right? She's like, are you sure you weren't following? They're like, yes, and rappers like, we weren't followed.

No, we weren't. Please, mom and dad to destroy these tapes. But then the alarm goes off. It's like, you were too followed. And everyone immediately turns to Alex, who, as we just said, is the only black member of the cast and they're like, Alex, what the fuck did you do? And what they asking for is crazy. They said, did you guard the door until it closes on the other side?

Well, if he did that, how is he getting through it? So you've got to wait for me so the door closes. Yeah, but then he's just stuck in Carmen's bedroom and nobody wants to be there. They had a separate door for him probably. They had a separate door for, they had a separate door for him probably. That's everybody equal. Yeah. Alex, I'm pretty sure we all agreed that this was a suicide mission for you. And yet you made it through the transmitter. And I'll just say through all of this, Paul looks like he cannot even be slightly fucked to be in this. And this is when I started googling what happened to these kids after this particular episode.

Because many of these kids go on to do several other episodes of this, not Paul. Paul, I think, does it a couple, but then after filming like two more of these, he went on to play, first of all, he played a young Ed Gain. So he did that when he was like 16. And then he came out as gay and seemed really happy with his life. He's got like a blog of him and his husband and his kid. And he seemed really, really happy and refused to be involved in these again. Fantastic.

Not the case with Alex who's in a follow up in 2013, 21 years after this original and it's the only thing he's done on his IMDB pitch. I love that Marsh went into this ridiculously long wrap. How were you not fascinated by what happened to these propaganda kids? I just assumed Kenneth Copeland killed and ate them. I didn't want to find out about the appearances that are all exactly two years apart on Halloween. Valerie was in all of the all five of these movies and her only other credit is for one of the film where she was the makeup artist.

Wow. Bless. Uh, yeah. Where did I learn to do makeup? Maybe on a little film called Commander Kelly and the Super Kit-A-Kat. You haven't heard of it. Bless. Uh, yeah, where did I learn to do makeup? Maybe on a little film called Commander Kelly and the super kid. A cat. You haven't heard of it. Okay.

Well, I'm just told still turn you in. You haven't heard of it. I can sing you a song. You might, uh, joke your memory. Oh, super. Can. Can. Can.

Okay. But now that I know that Paul has escaped Paul, if you're out there and you're listening and Paul, I know you have, I need you to get in touch because I know you've got Kelly Copeland stories and I need those Kelly Copeland story. Oh, 100%. He's very Googleable. Did her dad ever come to set? No, he was, yes, yes, he's in several of the films. He plays a fight to pilot in the late episode. Wait, are you serious kind of Copeland is in these? He's in, he's certainly in the 2013, but I follow. I really need you to know less details about this, but I am fast.

I will. If you get out, if you're going to bring me in to do something, I'm going to put the effort in. You know, I'm like, he's kind of fly, but I'm not Cara Santamaria. She turns up to me. It's all has to watch the film and blacks. I'm going to put the fucking effort in guys. He's just fired.

Just the things it's Jeff, like an idiot. You heard me. She's actually released some of the smart. She's smart. She's right. She's right. That's right, everyone. tweeted Kara about what he said about Gimp versus Jeff. He's always going to have this opinion. All right. So now Commander Kelly announces that the intruder has been captured. And this, of course, is Carmen, the first person who came through. And we start with him being threatened by techno that robot. I did not know who Carmen was. He's not a thing in the UK. We don't have that whole thing going on in the UK. So I just thought this guy 100% has to have been a porn actor,

100%. He could look more like a porn actor. Thank you. They actually say, oh, here's the intruder, but he looks harmless. And I was like, no, the fuck he doesn't. He looks like Carmen, the singer, and he was in a bedroom where he lured kids into a closet. Absolutely not. Absolutely. Aparhamless.. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Absolutely record. Missy definitely turns on the flirt when she meets Carmen.

It is very uncomfortable. She looks like seven years old. Absolutely. Yeah, 100%. And then I just have to point this out, even though techno has already been introduced, after she introduces the kid, techno and cis son being introduced again, like he's on the fucking C segment of the skating. And this is where Alex is explaining how calm and got there. And he says, you were transported or rather translated to another place.

It's like, no, not rather, you were good with transported, you ruined it with translated. He corrected yourselves and then you ruined it again. Yeah. And then he replies to that, like in the Bible, and I wrote in my notes, nope, not at all, like the Bible. You've read the Bible. Is this related to anything in the Bible? They're quite certain it is, but no, absolutely it is not. No.

Yeah, it says like, e-nid in Genesis, I could find absolutely nothing about this. It was a e-nid or e-nid. I thought it was e-nid. It was probably e-nid. Yeah, exactly. Regardless, it doesn't, I thought it was a eny. It's probably eny. Yeah, exactly. Regardless, it doesn't help. That doesn't make it better.

It wasn't translated anywhere through a country saying it's closet. So yeah, I feel like I would have remembered a teleporter in general. So. Right. So Carmen says, oh, you mean like in the Bible? And then Commander Kelly is like, yeah, well,

we actually call that the manual. But yes, this is just like in the Bible and I really wanted to see these kids using the Bible as a manual for stuff. Just like trying to draw circles that don't quite make it all. They knock out Alex started timer for 48 hours. Don't worry. We have a manual. Didn't think of that example, but there you go. Yep, that's another one. So he's like, so tell me what this place is all about. And they're like, okay, sit down and we'll show you. And he's like, okay, I will. Because they don't know who has the last

line before the musical numbers. So they just keep doing intro lines for it. Okay, we will sing. Da da da da da da, I say da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Okay, now it's going back down. I have 6, 7, 8. But we don't go to the music number immediately. We smashcud to a kid getting shot in the neck, which is a blow. What the fuck was this? Yeah, so we find out, not right away though, yes, March, I was shocked by this. We find out after a second, like, oh, this is the evil atheist television feed, but we're

watching some kind of henchman about to literally shoot a baby in the neck with a gun. He's going to shoot a child in the neck with a gun. That's the type of stuff that was on, you know, secular television in 1992. Yeah, that's where MTV was going in 1992. It's shooting a baby in the neck. Yep. Typical Nirvana video right there. Yep. But yeah, they interrupt and they're going to sing what I think we can all agree is the

catchiest song in the film. Super kid Academy. Oh yeah, it's a song of the summer. It's the absolute song of the summer. It's a banger. It's a fucking banger. It's my Gangnam style the stuff. It's a banger, it's a fucking banger, it's my gongam style. But here's my question.

How many times had they sung super kid Academy before you realized that the entire song would just be them singing super kid Academy over and over and over again? I didn't care, I was in. Because it's like three minutes long. Also, they're not singing it. Are they singing it live? Thank you. We've seen them watching them sing it. Right.

What did they do to Carmen? They said to Carmen, oh yeah, you wanna know what this is about? Well watch this and then they just turn a video on and then stand watching that for like three and a half minutes next to him, is that it? But then we watched them perform it in the, just show him. If you're like, there's no reason to break into the feed of what your pirate thing to show exposition to Garmin about what you're going

to do. What it's not even exposition is just the name of the place. You're in the three minutes. They had started to be exposition at the end. He's like, okay, so you guys, I got the name of your thing. Is that the other thing else? Well, while they try and dance and I have never seen a group of people look more out of sync. And it's it's seeming like they weren't dancing to the beat. They were

dancing to the rate of nuclear decay. Like they knew the next beat was coming at some point. But for them, it was impossible to accurately predict when it was coming. Oh, the dancing here is only explained by the fact that they got there on the day. And Kelly Copeland was like, and you all learn the dance moves that I'm mailed to your houses. And they were like, what? And she was like, I'm mailed up to your house. And they were just like, fuck fake it, fake it, fake it.

A group of relatively talented children faking their way through a dance they're making up on the spot is the only description for what these children are about to do. Oh, God, absolutely because they keep singing about how they're training to fight off the enemy. And I can only assume the enemy is rhythm. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Beach body classes are better dancers than that. But they did nail the acronym there. It was an acronym for a second in that moment in the song and not an initialism. So good job, guys. I get one point. Well, you're going to give them one point. I mean, I hadn't realized at this point that enemy was enemy. So I did not pick up on that. I know when it clicks. Oh, and we also get quite a few special effects during this because they

can't have a shot of these children dancing for more than four seconds, because it somehow dissolves to worse than it is. So we get cross fades and star fades. Yeah, we also see a little bit of their technology here. So they apparently, they broadcast their quote, satellite jamming sequence in order to pirate this channel somehow. The satellite jamming sequence is just a number and they show us the number. So they're broadcasting their secret number that tells everybody how they're getting into this feed.

And the idea behind the technology is you shoot your camera feed at a satellite and then you have to type in the correct like six digit number and they did. Yeah, it's it's Wonder Woman 1987 technology hacking. The thing about how they do the hack, do that kind of hacking as well. This led me to a revelation because in the background, you've got loads of other kids doing the hacking. And I thought those kids didn't pass the audition to be these kids, which means these kids were better

than those kids. How back with those kids? Yeah. You know, once we're seeing can't deliver a line, we can't hear an understand a word, they fucking say they're off rhythm, they don't do anything. The kids in the background have got to have been pretty special in those audition, I want those audition tips. I want to see the evil atheist kids doing their music videos, yeah. Yeah. What happened to that?

These are the questions. I guess we did see the shooting in the neck thing. It's mostly shooting in the neck base. Yeah, mostly shooting in the neck base. I guess that's what's happening. Some solid dancing. And I think I'm going to need a few minutes to make my TikTok dance move for Megan the Stallions, new song based on the moves I just learned from this movie. So we're going to take quick break and then we'll be back with more super kid Academy, the intruder. Oh, how? Man. Oh, we're gonna take quick break, and then we'll be back with more super kid academy,

the intruder. Oh, how, man. Oh, he thought his, what's the matter? Yeah, my arm is really bothering me. Oh God, yeah, I can see that. Why don't you go and see a doctor? Eh, I'm not sure I'm a doctor guy. What?

I don't think so. That's silly, come on. Hey podcast listener, has this ever happened to you? Probably not because most people go to the doctor when they need a doctor. But how many times have you heard this? Oh, hey, you seem really down lately. Have you considered going to therapy? Not really sure. I'm a therapy guy. Oh, okay. I mean, that sounds entirely reasonable to me. Cool. Therapy is a great way to deal with the stuff that's interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals. There's no shame in getting therapy. In fact,

taking care of your mental health isn't selfish. It's a responsible way to take care of your brain and the people you love, just like going to the regular doctor. Okay, maybe I can just treat my elbow myself. Figure. Yeah, I don't think you can. And thanks to this week's sponsor, BetterHelp, you can get professional counseling done securely online. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

The service is available for clients worldwide and there's a broad range of expertise available, which might not be locally available in many areas. So if you need a therapist who's LGBTQ friendly, secular, or sex and sex work positive, they can help you find someone. You know what? I think I just need puppy pictures. If people send me puppy pictures, my elbows are going to be fine at that point. Really? Yeah, definitely. Plus, better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches.

So they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. No awkward therapist breakups, just the care you need when you need it. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. It's fine. I'm going to be fine. It's just a lot of stress at work. Once things slow down at work, my elbow is going to be great. You think your work is making your elbow swell up like that? Yes. So visit betterhelp.com slash awful.

That's better H-E-L-P and join over one million people who have taken care of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. BetterHelp because therapy really is for everyone. You know what? I think I'm going to take a walk. Nice, refreshing walk. That's going to just clear my elbow right up. Okay. So you're telling me you've created an interdimensional base to promote Christianity using a pirated signal

against a murderous tyrannical TV network that dominates all forms of media. And that's going to be a very important thing base to promote Christianity using a pirated signal against a murderous tyrannical TV network that dominates all forms of media. We're sure there are. And you use teams of children who sometimes have an Android assistant, but sometimes not. They gather intel on the evil TV network. Mission accomplished.

And through the grace of God, creator of the universe, I, Carmen, have been teleported here to help you with your mission. Personal learn. And the way I can help is sing a song. Here. Uh, okay. I guess I'm in. I forgot my glasses.

Shut the fuck up, Rolex. I forgot my glasses. Shut the fuck up, Rolex! Shut the fuck up! Yeah, fuck you, Oggs. And we're back. So now the kids realize they have the Christian singer and TV star Carmen. Well, okay, sorry, not Carmen.

They have Mario. His name is Mario. Okay. They have renamed Carmen, Mario. They might as well rename him Bobbady Boopady Pizza. Well, this is the thing, because I did not know who Carmen was, remember? And I was just thinking, oh, yeah, he just looks like a polln actor. And when rapper, the kid said, I've seen this guy before, you know, he said, you look familiar. And I wrote in my notes, are you a plumber?

Are you here to fix the pipes? And then the next line was, I know who you are. You're my. Sorry. Yeah. It's all coming together. Yeah. When they all recognized him, I wanted to be like, Oh, please tell me he got caught blowing someone in a bathroom like George Michael. Please, please. Yeah. And by the way, to follow that up, he says, yeah, you know, I was a famous actor and then I heard about a man and I was like, okay, my theory is coming true.

I get where this is going. A simple carpenter. Well, I had that because he said, you know, I heard about a man who offered eternal life and I wrote, please tell me, Mario sold his soul to Satan. But anyway, so I had to go to his crossroads in Clarksill, Mississippi and there was a guy and a dog. Right. But the point is that you found Jesus and it made his music have meaning and then the whole world turned against him because he became Christian.

Why? It's your movie every time. There's not yet been a single Christian film. Nay a single Christian sentence where they haven't accidentally said, and yeah, once you find Jesus pretty much the only people who want to hear from your Christian. Okay, but Carmen literally got rich by doing specifically Christian music. That's his lie.

Get to lie about his own career for the movie. Yeah, but instead it's like, and then they took my program off the air and it's like the bar for what constitutes Christian persecution has not changed in 20 years. Oh, they took my program off the air. I am therefore persecuted. He also burned his house down apparently. Okay, now that sounds more like persecution in affairs. That does kind of bit more persecuting. That was a weird escalation. He was like, yeah, no, they, they canceled my television program and killed my whole family in a fire. You know, it's a one, two, three stamp process. And we also learned that they, they burned his house down. And then they threatened him.

They were like, Hey, remember when we burned your house down? Don't be Christian anymore. Something bad will happen to you. Like burning my next house down. I feel like you guys escalated really fast before you did the threat that would have been shit. We feel like we got a blue our load with burning your house down. I'm not going to point out this is the moment in the movie that I realized enemy sounds like enemy. So this is where we are.

This is where we are. It's very good writing. It's subtle. You don't know what's happening. Slow burn. Slow burn. It's elite. Eternal sunshine of the Christian movie watching minds. And then they all have to same mean things about enemy for birding his house,

then. And they're all like those razzle fras and rotten toot and moot and boot and no good nanny nookers. And Kelly, of course, is like, look, that sounds hard, but Jesus? Music number. I was like, come on, just do your fucking song. Stop doing the like, just go, just go, do your song. I know you're gonna do your song. Yeah, she doesn't even say Jesus, she sounds, that sounds hard, but I think I can tell you what would help. And then she walks away and they go and stand in the middle of the floor and start their music number I thought that is so weird if you think about that as a conversation Yeah, I know you're traumatized about the house burning down and your life got you shit, but Anyway

Are you walking with you have a follow-up? I feel like you're just walking away and silence all right Well, Marsh you're saying that like someone who hasn't had to extricate themselves from conversations at the bar at Qed. So I don't know. Check your privilege, Marsh, because even I have had to do that multiple times at QD. I've got an earphone in that I can pretend is making noise at any point. Oh, sorry. I just, I think I've got a thing I need to deal with. I'll be back around. But you guys have fun. I can do a choreographed dance right now, but not here. Keith and I are going to come with ear buds that are very clearly not connected to something to the next community. I was like, oh, sorry.

Nope. Yeah, I got to go. Yeah, either that. Are you going to come like Randy at the pop-off meeting where you could take a radio receiver to see what's coming in for me? He didn't get anything. I can play you the tapes right now. Roll it back on your costume. No, keep telling him. Keep telling him your me. He didn't get anything. I can play you a dance right now. Roll it back to any cost.

No, keep telling him your story. He's very interested. So yeah, it's time for another music number. And this one, my friends, this is a slow jam. And that's probably for the best because these kids are failing at swaying in unison for this particular number. Yeah, rapper kid, by the way, is furious. failing at swaying in unison for this particular number. Yeah.

The rapper kid, by the way, is furious. He doesn't have a rap solo and he just has to try to sway in unison with the slow jam and he's not liking it. No. They've all got different swaying strategies as well when they got to sit down because like one of them like sits like on the side of the legs of the side, which is fine for swaying in one direction, but then you're swooning up to dream to go the other way. And then Alex sits with cross legs, but his legs are too low, which gives him nowhere to

go when it comes to this way. And he just barely moves by. There's very inexperienced swaying going on. Yes. It's rough. It's definitely, definitely rough. The choreography here is so, I mean, I don't know much. I know that whoever choreographed this cried while they did it.

They were like, God, this is my journey with Jesus. I am finally getting it out there on Kelly Copeland's vanity projects. The world will know my dance. Carmen is holding back tears here. So maybe he did the choreography. I don't know. Sorry, Mario, not Carmen, Mario, the character in this. Yeah, watching these five disinterested kids slowly spinning is really helping it

It's really sorting it out. I didn't enjoy that techno the robot was part of the choreography He's just spinning in a circle in the background because that's all they could get this 1992 robot copy of the Nintendo robot to do yeah 92 robot copy of the Nintendo robot to do. Yeah. Also, Missy has a dramatic solo during their dream ballet and Commander Kelly practically side tackles her. This is a match out, darn it. You know, for starch. And for the rest of this is the most disinterested dance number I've seen. It's, it's the happy hands club for Napoleon Dynamite. That's what's going on. Absolutely. Now that said, Marsh, if you let us be on the main stage of QED in any of the upcoming years, we will end our segment with an exact recreation of the

stance. I make that promise to you here. Almost worth it. Almost worth it. Come on, the Australians put us up next to the educated girl you have to. I did like at the end of this too, so they finished singing and there's literally, I counted 15 seconds of just staring at Carmen. They're like, we're done now and he's terrified. He has no idea what to do. He just, like, clap. Do I clap? And I think this was a full minute. This was a full minute long song and dance, which came two minutes after the previous three minute long song and dance in this 25 minute episode. This is just a solid block of not very much going on.

It's remarkable. And then literally nothing going on. Nothing. Yeah. All Philanokula. So now, bafflingly, it's time for their live broadcast. So that was a recreational music number, but now it's time for their live broadcast, which didn't they already do the live broadcast? The first thing they did was the live broadcast. What do you guys do here? Let us show you. Now we interrupt with the live broadcast. You've just done your live broadcast six minutes ago. Have you forgotten that? That's a new, different live broadcast. And they do a little like Christian news here. I love this so much. Paul immediately takes the mic. So Paul, by the way, and he begins with,

don't be terrified, which is weird advice for a kid show. Yeah. And then he says, don't be discouraged. Praying is hard. You probably, which is so sad. It's just like, yeah, you probably didn't do the praying hard enough magic. It's not working for you. Don't worry. It eventually works.

Rapper, by the way, also doesn't get lines here, but he does do finger guns while he speaks, right? He doesn't get a rap. So he has to do straight lines, but he finger guns it. So it's like a rap to him. And then it gets to Alex who just mangles out a series of noises. So for God's back in the Spirrofa, but power, love, sound mind. So we, are we not going to read So we're happy with that.

Okay, we'll go with that take then. And rapper looks so mad, so, so mad at how badly Alex just mangled his lines. Yep, absolutely. Then Missy, again, this is such a weird character slash choice for her. She comes out and she presents Carmen slash Mario with a guitar. She says, this is my guitar. Please share your gift with us. And he's like, I don't know. They did burn down my house and tell me not to. But Carmen finally decides, okay, I'll sing you a song. And he's so bad. He starts playing. And it's like,

you remember the Will Ferrell is Satan thing where he's supposed to teach the guy who like wants to, you know, sold to the devil, had to be amazing at the artist. Like Fred's got slacks, that kind of thing. Yeah. That's what's happening. And he's so, so very bad. He's like, he's doing the jazz guy who's crushing it face while he's playing exactly two chords back and forth, but doing that face like he's killing it with different interesting stuff. Oh, are they still broadcasting this live broadcast? Is this still their live broadcast? Or was it just those two minutes?

One clear, unclear. Later on, he's going to say like that that's really helped him and he's going to go back and do even more of that. So maybe that was part of it, even though he was threatened not to. Very hard, very hard to tell. And suddenly as he plays, all of the other kids who were otherwise working the machines are suddenly sat at his side. And I thought, please don't make all of those kids who are the class B slash Z kids, try to clap in unison as well. They do and they don't, they don't, they don't genuinely during this song. If everyone listening to this podcast right now, try to simultaneously clap, they would do a better job than these kids do. Just statistically speaking, you will do better simultaneously clapping with the rest of the podcast listeners.

If you start now and finish eventually, but it's the simplest fucking thing like the guitar hero of this is red button blue button red button. That's it. But they can't clap. He can't. So he can't even get in rhythm. He's trying to do this very simple for for quote groove. And he can't even get his singing in sync with the guitar player. Who, by the way, is also him to be clear. It's so bad. These are, however, the most complex lyrics we're going to get in the show. And he's, you've done us the, I'm going to say honor of transcribing these. Do you mind if I read them? And you guys can just insert your notes where you will. Oh, please give us a dramatic reading of Carmen's lyrics. Thank you.

Using my BFA. Here we go. All my friends been wondering where my future lies. Since I took my stand for Christ and gave him my life. Nothing rhyme. There's no word that rhymes with eyes. Don't say that. I was there. I was there. I was there. Yeah. Because nothing rhyme. There's no word that rhymes with eyes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He's curious here about his friends who clearly used air quotes about his stupid fucking finding the way Christianity and he wrote that into the salt to be mad.

He can't even cover that with intonation. He's got to write the word court in there. Yeah. Found the way. Ass always doing the jerk off gesture. That's what they did. That's when the Lord stirs up my soul and I quite clearly say. I'm going to start. I'm going to start.

I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start.

I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. I'm going to start. washed spirit filled just applying child of the king blood washed. Yeah, that is the one.

Yeah, one of these things doesn't belong. Did that mean? So is that washed in blood or you've had your blood washed? What kind of centrifugal things are taken out dialysis? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe this dialysis. Maybe he's got kidney failure. We don't know. Could be a goop product we haven't heard of yet. You could have gotten the inside scoop on one. I'm going to praise him in the morning through the afternoon till night. And then I'll dream about witnessing. He's so proud about rhyming king with any gerund, he went with witnessing. So stupid.

Also dreaming, dream about witnessing is the dullest thing to be dreaming about, surely. That's not an active thing to be doing. It's just like being there, being around. And isn't witnessing just like telling people about Christ, not even seeing, doing, being around Christ. It's just like, hey guys, did you know about the whole Christ thing? Yeah, yep, right.

And he admits here, he prays all the time, but he only sees Jesus when he's literally dreaming at night in his song. That's it, yeah. He continues, I'm going to walk and talk and act like Jesus, though I make it feathered and tar. Okay, okay. First of all, the expression is tarred and feathered, right? Yep, absolutely. I'm pretty sure he goes the other way.

So he better rhyme something with tarred here because that was like... Oh, yeah, don't worry. ...very important to him to end that line with tarred instead of feathered. Yeah, it's very interesting in him talking exactly like Jesus as well, because I don't know how he is on like languages from two millennia ago, but I'd love to see him have a crack at it. Yes, just an aeromax schizophrenic making people wash his feet. Exactly. Inferno's aeromax schizophrenic would rhyme better than half of the words in his song.

All right, here's that rhyme for you. He ready? All right, he's got to rhyme something with Tard. Let's say. Yeah, for Tard, here we go. The world may try and stop my mission, but I'll grow with opposition, because I'm an overcoming child of... Bored. No, God, he rhymes. God, Tard with God and switched to rent.

Feathered in Tard had to be switched around. So we can try and become a God badly. The only person who rhymes Tard with God is Kelly, who puts an olive oil. Heather didn't hard had to be switched around. So you can find me. God. Badly. Yeah. The only person who rhymes Todd with God is Kelly. Yes. He's exactly those in a state. Very clearly. Kelly Copeland wrote that lyric for him.

I became a child. I'm going to go. All right. Back to the verse here. The expressions on their faces change every single time. You know, the looks they give me are priceless, but so's this holy ghost look on mine. It really makes fun of me.

I hate the stupid faces. We're anger about this to the soul. You see now God wants us to share the Lord, right? Isn't that our Christian task? Questions in a song, never a great idea. No answer, just a rhetorical question. Is it moving on? So when someone says, hey, what's happening, man?

I say, brother, is a very generic, opening gambit question for it. Like, it's the thing you say to someone when you first met them. So it's like, oh, I need to share my Christianness. But what they're saying is when you first met someone and they say, Hey, how's it going? That's, oh, I'm so glad you asked me that. Here's a bit of Jesus, which is exactly what they do.

No, see, this is why you don't ask questions. You do. I can't think of a worse answer to how's it going, Ben? I thought you'd never ask it. I would veto. I would be like, hey, whatever you're about to say, no, I'd say, I'd take it back. I don't care. Please.

I don't know why I even asked, is your, you have pamphlets on a stand on the street. I don't know why I would ever start asking you a question. That's me. That's on me. And then he ends his final chorus with, because I'm a Bible Totten scripture, quote, sin to face and devil chasing. Corn is common. In the face. Yeah.

Get more. Trumman, more present, participle, all rhyme. Yes, we get it. Those all rhyme. Good job. Gospel preaching. Soul. Reaching. Overen child of God.

Bing King. Ding. That's how I think it was. Thing. Yes. There's thing things right out there. He finished the song and I just wrote my notes. Yeah, the burned his house down to. But the thing is his whole song is just so painfully. I don't care if you persecute me.

I'll Christian anyway. But the thing is, no one's persecuted you Christians. Well, not in real life in your fictional thing, you have your house burned down, but in real life, no one's persecuted you Christians. But also you do care if they persecute you because you got out of your way to find anything you claim is persecution, but you're working your own self to find any example of persecution, to manufacture one. Yeah, right. Like maybe write a song about cop-tick Christians in Egypt. Maybe I'll listen to your persecution narrative.

Go fuck yourself, otherwise. Get out of here. All right, well, I will need a few minutes to make my TikTok dance move for Carmen's amazing song, which is heard so we're gonna take a quick break And then we'll be back for the big finale of super kid Academy the intruder All right, uh, hi everyone. I'm Satan Prince of darkness and I call together this meeting of Christianity's bad guys Brazilian bad guys just do this I hate to start this meeting off on such a somber note, but I just gotta say it guys our membership standards have But they've slipped a bit really Membership standards. I mean look look back in the day. It was me and Buffa Matt, you know, making witches possessing children that kind of stuff

I mean no offense but like the ACLU. What is that guy doing here? I mean, no offense, but like the ACLU, what is that guy doing here? Oh, I mean, he is very dedicated to the First Amendment. Dedicated to the First Amendment, I'm literally Satan. I mean, look at this, look at this. MTV is a member. What is an MTV? Oh, that's a, uh, it's a music video television channel. Music video television is an enemy of Christianity yes Some of videos were pretty fallacious you know for the time for their talk I literally convinced the Egyptians to boil babies in their mother's milk

Okay, that's just weird writing thing Okay, look look at this look at this this week's meeting we have another new member. I mean at least he sounds dangerous So can you tell me what is this critical race theory guy do anyways? Yeah, he um he thinks he might want to think about history, but you know through the lens of race Fucking hate you guys Okay, dude the milk thing was weird Strong boof oil in mother's wow I mean sounds delicious. Thank you And you know, it was a good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good who's apparently been just like hanging out in the hallway of this super kid academy layer for the last hour just like sitting there.

What has he been? I don't know, playing on his phone. He runs in now, runs back into the show with a giant gun that cracked me from wrong. It involves telephone technology. Yeah. There is a spirally telephone, or it's connected to it somehow.

He has a pirate cannon. Yes, that's exactly what he has. Yeah, absolutely. It's very sort of a wily coyote, the biggest gun you could possibly get, bits come out of it, it's massive, massive, massive. And she is not bothered at all about being faced with this comically large gun.

Okay, be honest, how many of you guys thought that Kelly was gonna die for Jesus in this children's show? Oh, be honest. How many of you guys thought that Kelly was going to die for Jesus in this children's show? Oh, I wish. That was going to much better thing than it would even way better than what actually happens. She would have died for a lie. We would have had a really good argument. Yeah. There's a really fantastic moment here, though, where she's like, you're always here for choice. You always have a choice. And he's like, I have a gun. I have a gun. You're supposed to do what I say because I have a gun.

Yes. But no, she explains that she's protected by the word of the Lord and the shield of faith. And I wrote my notes, oh my God, if she gives the speech and he just shoots her in the face, this is my favorite movie. 100%. But the thing is, he's using a fear gun. And I'm not scared of your fear gun. And so when he shoots her with his fear gun,

she gets laser powers to put up like a laser shield. Yeah. And apparently it's a shield of faith. And I thought, oh, Christ, that's fucking weak. That's crazy. But that shield of faith is presumably because he was shooting a fear gun. Like now, now try an actual gun and see how her shield of faith fairs. Oh, that's what that's the next thing I want him to do.

Just in the energy on style, put out another gun and see how her faith holds up to it. God is vibranium and your glue and I win. Go fuck yourself. Yeah. You just killed her with the Captain America shield. So he the, uh, the henchman guy is like, fuck, I, my boss is going to kill me now. You got to, you got to let me win this thing. And he kind of has a little breakdown. And he actually says exact words. I was only following or yes, yes, he does. He absolutely does.

And the thing is, like he says that. And he says about how my boss is going to kill me. And she says, I should have known the head of the enemy was behind this. It's like, yeah, well, I mean, you should have known that once he said, I'm from the enemy and was wearing uniform saying enemy. Those were, those are the clues that mean that you should have definitely got that. Yes. Yeah. What did you think it was? An independent contractor for an enemy, a rowgager. Right. But her response is even crazier. She hears him say I was only following orders. And she's like, yeah, that's a Nazi thing. But you know what? Actually, a great way to fix being a Nazi, say you're sorry to God right now and you're all set. It's so good. He goes, I surrender. And

she goes, I can't accept your surrender. But you know who can? I really wanted like the UN and the Nuremberg to come through the doors. But also he says, I accept God's terms of surrender. And that is a way more acute way of describing Christianity than I think this film intended. Yeah, good religion. Yeah, she also gives him the Bible or the manual here. I wrote in my notes here, have the Bible. It sucks ass. Sure does. We hear about Peter one three here, which as it applies to this moment is, yeah, you can totally be a Nazi, and then you can go to heaven by apologizing it last second. So you're good. Yeah, then you're all you're all good. Yeah. God actually murdered his Jewish son to save eventual Nazis who feel bad later is a messaged here just to be clear. Mysterious ways and all that. And now we cut back to Carmen. He's saying his goodbyes to the

children. Yeah, he thanks them for all that they did, but all they did was sing near him for cumulatively around seven minutes. And all I can think is that they reminded him that not everyone can sing as well as he can. So we should probably get back out on the road because there's money to be made there. Yeah, I wrote my notes. Thank you for performing two musical numbers for me and then making me perform one for you, even though it may get me killed. And then he's going to leave. And I was like, okay, I really need Carmen to ask about the portal in his bedroom that kids went into. And apparently the movie heard me and he's like, okay, I really need Carmen to ask about the portal in his bedroom that kids went into.

And apparently the movie heard me and he's like, quick thing. What the fuck, you guys have a portal in my bedroom. Makes me really look creepy. I gotta say. And they don't have really an answer for that. They're just like, yeah, I went there. No. Kelly explains that God's plan included burning down his old house and then him for him

moving to a new temporary place with very extensive lace curtaining by the way and then having a series of interdimensional children break into that house wake him when they accidentally drop their robot as they go through and then for him to follow those children. That's God's plan. That is God's plan. Also, what Paul says is how they can't always know where the translator's gonna be and it happened to be in your closet.

So what Paul is saying is that his involvement with the church meant he had no choice but to be in the closet, which is a very, very old point thing for Paul to be saying. Yes, it's a teaser for future shows. And then Carmen looks around and he's like, where's Missy, which by the way, very worrying based on their interaction so far. He's not in the 11 minutes. And he's, where is that flirty eight year old blonde girl that I, yeah, they have an answer. She comes back and she's like, I, boy, before really, please

take my guitar, Carmen, I love your hair. Yeah. It's really creepy. It's so creepy. And he does. Look, yeah, this is one of the most common movie tropes in existence. Please, before you go, stranger, take object that is very near and dear to me. And then the hero is supposed to say, no, I couldn't do that. The comments like, nice, free guitar. Yeah, absolutely. They point out that Missy, like she wasn't there initially because they say, goodbyes are

difficult for Missy, presumably even for men. She's known for human, to be 11 minutes. And I just wanted that to, first of all, I want that to be a super dark backstory that we dig into in future episodes. I really want to revisit that. But do we, in your extensive research, do we get that back to three? I don't, I've not seen the next episodes. I look forward to having to have a little preparation, Marsh.

I love you too. You know who are the episodes? Carri puts in a lot of her. I can only assume that goodbyes are really hard for her because every time she says goodbye to someone, they take a really precious item that belongs to her with a shot. I'm like, I must be like an orphan or something. We don't know where my parents are. Like, you can't keep taking things off me. That's what I think is actually happening. She gives me so much of a stuff that way. So now we cut back to major dread. He's, he's going to do his, I'll get you next

time gadget, my analog. But he appears on their screen. Yeah. To say, oh, revenge will be mine, super kids. But can he just appear on their monitors any time? Because if so, one, he must know where they are. Or two, he is broadcasting that to literally everybody in the entire world on the off-chance that they'll see it. Oh, sorry. We are, I'm mad at a group of 11-year-olds. I'm going to interrupt our shooting in the next child program.

So I can say, Drat, you command or Kelly. And you know there was a conversation. You know there was a conversation in that writer's room that was like, do we want to say Drat guys? It's just, I don't think that's the vibe of our show. Drat, you know, the D, the D what the D what they should have done. Yep. And we close on one more Bible verse here.

We get Romans 8, 37 to 38, which says, for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, we'll be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Okay, fine, I get what they're trying to say,

but I do have at least one question. What was with the height or depth? Yup, how did height and depth get all of that? Apparently with, can separate people from God's love, but height and depth, no? Is it kind of Tina Turner, eight no mountain high, no river low enough kind of tree? No, yeah.

But there is a river wide enough. There is a river wide enough that's true. Which is even, KTN Turner goes one further than God on that respect. It's like, fuck, I'm across the river from God and there's like a sack of grain and in a fox. I don't know what to do here. I'm going to stay atheist because of this riddle. There's grain. This fox is Tina Turner. You can take one of them across it because Tina Turner is going to eat that fox. You call it a fox. You got Ike Turner and Tina Turner.

Okay. And a bag of cocaine. Oh, yeah. And then the alarm goes off, which means it's time for their next mission. Again, they say there is more gang activity. Why do they keep talking about gang activity in their children's show? Really one of them to be like, there's child trafficking. We have to go stop using the power of our two musical numbers. They also say to stay tuned to the word of God. Yeah, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible. I zoned out as the more they talk

Bible, the more I just, it was just grain oil used to me. And that'll do it. Yeah, apparently that's the end of it, except for everything that Marsh has extensively researched, which we will be doing. Except for the terrifying post credit stories that only Marsh can provide. I cannot believe you guys did not go straight to IMDB when you see a gem like this. This is a disappointed in you. You've learned nothing from how, from like 300 episodes of the show. Okay. Well, based on all that information that only you know, and Eli, do your best with this question too.

What was the moral of the story? Kids, if a rich stranger invites you to his bedroom, God wants you to go with him. Oh, yeah. I was going to go one. Part of the story. Just because your parents named you rapper, doesn't mean you can.

Or have to, I think, just don't, you don't, don't do that. You have options. Rapper actually did another rapi gesture at the end and I was furious. As the camera was panning away, he was trying to hand hate crime over time and cut. So bad. All right. Well, that's going to do it for super kid Academy, the intruder. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we found another terrible

movie. So Eli, what's on deck? We'll be watching courageous, when a tragedy strikes close at home for police officers shrugging with their faith and their roles as husbands and fathers together, they make a decision that will change all of their lives. Are you reading from like IMDB? Are you actually deciding what you know to be? Or is just speaking for my heart?

You let's just do an a little slam poetry of his own that he wrote. All right, well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 306 to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Marsh for joining us. Marsh, anything to announce? No, you can just look in the middle of places where you'd find me, skeptic mag, skeptic.org. six to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Marsh for joining us. Marsh anything to announce? No, you can just look in the middle places where you'd find me, skeptic mag, skeptic.org.uk. A lot of interesting stuff there. We'll see you all at QED in February and just generally. Look for me around, basically. QED, ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba-na-ba-na-na-ba-na-ba For song. And of course, a big thanks to all the Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God Awful, and then I'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist, Citations Needed, the Skeptcrat, and D&D Minus, available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email God Awful Movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided with a lot of offices of Pierre Dertoures. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Eagle Drafts on Mars.

All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. With Michael Marshall and Eli Bosnick, I'm Heathen Wright, promising to work hard, turn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close.

NME was bought out by Fox Corporation, and the Supercars were to got a lot less worried about the influence of monopolistic media. Atheist Antifa shoots a baby in the neck. We're on to win a daytime NME. NME. Commander Kelly needed her own private spaceship because public spaceships are tubes full of demons. And it's going to send that. Like really. I don't know if you guys checked out the follow the follow up films and things, but Alex is one of the only two cast members to return. Really?

They got out. They got out. They got out. They got out. They got out. turn of the really they got more it's Alex and it's Valerie and it's Kelly and that's it. But of the two kids Alex and Valerie return like 21 years later, they've done all of them. They didn't get back rapper. No rapid and come back.

He needed the first three and so did Paul before he went on to come out of the closet. Can I give you a note? You know way too much about this. It's I. It was 25. I had to do some googling to, to Pat. I was interested. We'll have to do these kids afterwards.

Cool. I know what happened at these, I know what happened to that one girl for sure. We're gonna have an interstitial with Mars in real life. Guys were like right on together. That's right. Plugged in internet. Morgan, I'm gonna do my best to do this episode without the fan on, but I might need to turn the fan on. It's way louder than

the one I have at home. So that's what I'm trying to be hot for a little while. It's like a half hour show. No, I don't want to do Noah. This is a Noah thing. Then you're not. Have you thought about drinking a hot drink? What about some butt sex? I dry now. Oh, you beat me to it. How do you? That cools you down. All right. Grething is we had the conversation before we start recording. So Morgan has no idea of the context.

I'm always podcast. You don't need context to that. That's just a priori knowledge, everybody. Exactly. All right. And we're all going. All right, here we go. What are we going to be breaking down? That thing you said before, I can't stop thinking about it.

Sorry, I'm spoiled by the fact that I'm no longer on an 18 second leg. Very exciting. Lot of interruption based jokes today. I'll just show you your ads. I will say I was listening to, I think it was either the latest scathing or maybe the last got off movies. The pre-roll ad that came on was for CBD. So Eli, you finally got your CBD.

Damn it. We got like 32 cents from that. You can get it. All them. So what happens is the bullshitters, they put their stuff in weird categories, like the, the, the shitty political ads, they'll often put themselves in education. Right. So that, because we have a ban on all the political ads, except for like Joe Biden and vaccine censorship. Yeah. And obviously you keep in the ones to Brexit just to piss me off when

it's like, get ready for Brexit. So we request those. Yeah. Way, way, way later. Want that CBD money, Mark. So much money. So much CBD. Maybe we pivot the company. Yeah, Marsh, you want to pivot with us? Drugs. I hear I hear we're merging with the alt-right anyways.

So. Oh, you're a die-trip on that was amazing, man. It was exactly what I was thinking. It was, you perfectly summed up. Good, Lord. Did people yell about it yet? Oh, no. One guy wrote a really shitty message on Patreon and then was like, now that I think about

it, you didn't mention the thing that I was mad about. So sorry. I saw people saying, look, maybe it didn't mention the thing that I was mad about. So sorry. I saw people saying, look, maybe it didn't merge with the old, or with the old writing with the far right, but I'm not so invested in the new atheist as a movement that I'm willing to defend them. Is that right? But that means you're just willing to lie about them then.

Right. It doesn't, doesn't make you the good guy. Yeah. You could say, I'm just not going to engage with this at all. Or that's a bad take. But to say, well, it's wrong, but I'm not willing to defend them. No. If you're not willing to, you know, argue against false statements, you're an asshole. You're not a skunk. That's the whole thing. Do you understand me? When I do that,

she's, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her. She's sort of merging with your dolly partner from Christian Sum of the square. Yep. Alright, I didn't hear March on four. No, I was I was distracted and I didn't say four there. Because you shot heathed down so hard you were feeling guilty about it. I've had women not have sex with me more kindly. Okay. You can keep picking it up for Eddie, like, I was going to offer you, I was going to tell you that when you come to QED, we would happily give you free childcare for the bed within our child. But I mean, if you can carry on like that, I'll pull that right back. It's free childcare for everyone except my child. It's 100 quid an hour.

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