God Awful Movies - 312: Vindication (Episode 1)

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

This week, Moishe joins us to discuss a show about boring people not quite having an affair. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

And then Rebecca texts him, I have a surprise for you tonight. Cookie emoji, kiss emoji. Yeah. And I just wanted on the record that at this point in the show, the producers have now used both Taco and Cookie as stand-ins for vagina. I feel like the next scene is literally just going gonna be Rebecca deep-pronging an entire tilapia He opens the door to a apartment a bunch of eggplants fall out the director wanders in front of the camera my daughter told me that's what it God awful movie Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be in a panic, keeping track of minute changes in the atmospheric conditions of a nearby room

in his house is proud new father Eli Bosnick Eli. How's it going? Damn it. He, this is a get ahead. My son could be in college by now. Think, think, okay. You're not going to monitor the atmospheric conditions of your child ecology. You know what we're drawn with drawn very smart. Thank you. And we're also joined by veteran guest maskist and Eli's foil in the universe, which makes me very happy personally. Moishi globalist is here. Moishi, thanks for joining us. One world, one people he's.

Thank you for having me. I also want to add that Moishi is wearing a full suit right now. Yeah. I learned that earlier. He's wearing full suit right now. Yeah, I learned that earlier. He's wearing a suit and tie. Yeah, yeah, get on my fucking level. Okay. And no pants and no pants. You know, I was wearing pants.

So that's a nice step up. Moishi is not. All right, Moishi, let's get right into it. What are we going to be breaking down today? Well, today we watched Vindication Episode One. It's a simple story about a man who after bludgeoning a man to death with the Captain America shield, a strip of his title, moves to a small town, finds Jesus,

and uses the super soldier serum running through his veins to not have sex with women who aren't his wife. I'm going to be honest with you too. I'm going to be honest. I was incredibly high while watching this and I watched it. Yeah, it sounds like it. Right after Captain and the Winter Soldier and it was and they've just tied together in my head.

So what you're saying is it's way better. It's much better. Yeah, I think part of what happened is that this show, it became a vacuum because this show is genuinely remorselously about fucking nothing. It is the sign felt of cop dramas. Yeah. It's also the story of what happens to horrors who eat Mexican food, but we'll cross that bridge.

It is, that will make sense at a certain point. It really will. Across that bridge. And Eli, how bad was this episode? Well, if you loved the first season of law and order, but you missed that couple who posts on Instagram about how they survived emotional infidelity, you will love this TV episode.

Yeah, it's CSI, Jesus, and there's a lot of episodes of it. I'm very excited. We're going to be doing the first one. And is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'll go first best worst twist ending and I don't That's a great pick. I don't want to give it away But like this supersedes any M night shamolama any ending. This is so fucking stupid. It's insane. I watch this whole thing being like, okay, boring Christian thing. Yes, stupid stuff. Poisonous. Got it. Got it. Wow. Okay, this is insane. So for clarity, and again, I will not give it away. The framing of this episode is a cop interviewing

a guy about a murder. And if at the end of the episode, the guy had stood up and been like, you're free to go, I'm not a cop. I'm a birthday clown, honk, honk, and then bounced away. It would have been less stupid than the twist ending this episode actually is. I would have been more likely to predict what Eli just said than what happened. Yeah, absolutely. I was going to go with best worst, very obvious lying trope that you get in these cop shows. So, you know, like the interviews happening, the interrogation and the cop asks question and then the suspect or whoever is like, you know, they say something that's just in a terrible, terrible tone of voice and very clearly lying with a bunch of pauses.

And the cop is supposed to catch on to that. But the movie in this case is just like, yup, that was the truth. You are speaking the truth. If everyone was doing the person who's too famous to be on law and order is acting like they're acting, acting, that's the acting in this television show. And I'm going to take the easy one. I'm going to go with best worst affair. My friends, podcast listeners, we will spend 26 minutes of this show going over an affair where nothing happens. Heath and I have a more sexual relationship. Heath Moistion, I have a more sexual relationship. Thank you. In the three. I don't know if that says impactful as you're hoping here because it's very well anyway. Yeah, I get what you're trying to say though

Anyway, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be back to tell you all about vindication episode one Dildos get your dildos here bake dildos little dildos medium-sized dildos unbeatable prices What are you doing in this barbie's parking lot? Oh, hey, I'm trying to get some of that sweet, sweet, Adam and Eve.com money. Oh, what's Adam and Eve.com? They're the number one adult toy superstar.

They're so famous, there's literally memes about them now. Yeah, but Eli, Adam and Eve.com is the number one adult superstar because they carry good products. They're sex and sex work positive, LGBTQ friendly. Hell, they were the first mail order contraceptive business in America. Plus, they give you 50% off almost any one item free shipping and 10 tantalizing gifts when you use the code awful at checkout. They do?

They do. So, do you offer anything like that in the parking line here? I have this rubber band. That could be for a penis. Yeah, I think most people are going to go with Adam and Eve.com instead. What's that code again Noah? That's awful. AWFUL.

Offered code, awful at checkout at Adam and Eve.com. You could wrap it around. No, I know. I know what you're suggesting like logistically. Okay. Thanks again for helping us with the episode, Moishi. No problem, guys. I mean, when's this one gonna air anyway?

Oh, right about that. This is a get ahead. So we're actually not sure exactly when we're gonna use it, but sometime. Oh, okay. Yeah, actually, if you don't mind, we're hoping you'd prerecord some topical references for us. You wanna prerecord topical references? Yeah, and if it works, we'll just kind of like dribble them into the episode.

Okay, so just start with this one. Yeah, that one right there on page 12. Man, reminds me of when Joe Biden fell down. Solid. I mean, you know he's going to. Typical that sure will be. Yeah. Let's just do the next one. Solid. You know he's going to. Top of a deal. Right?

Top of a deal that sure will be. Yeah. Let's just do the next one. Yeah. All right. Did you hear about South America? I heard they lost about a Brazilian more people to co-, okay, this one, this one seems kind of kind of in poor taste.

Okay, but we're only going to put it in if it's been enough time. Yeah, we'll keep it tasteful. Yeah. Oh God, do I have to do this next one? Yeah, it's very important. You do. You do. Gosh, I can't believe Marjorie Taylor Green

died on Facebook live after dropping a weigh-on or throw and nobody helped her. We all just watched her choke to death. That's, guys, this is super specific. That is specific, but it is legal technically. And hopeful. Yeah. Okay, one last one This one just says Eli is dead. Yeah, life insurance makes us do that one every week

now tracks And we're back and we're gonna start with some intriguing music and I know that because I had the subtitles on and it said intriguing music. Now, I was really hoping this was continue throughout the episode. Like people are acting and underneath it just as excellent acting. Hell and dead actors talking. Yeah. I hate this part because this is the part of every high production value

Christian movie where I let myself believe for a goddamn microsecond that this won't be a giant hot pile of garbage. Because they've gotten good at cinematography, right? They've learned, they've adapted. But then, then they start acting, and I remember why we're here. And then you remember where you are. Did you not enjoy the acting in this?

I thought they were pulling off their characters, making good choices, no? I'll tell you this, I thought the cop was actually pretty decent. I thought the wife was actually terrific. I actually think she had some real chops. She was good. I think the main dude who again really, really does look like a more punchable version of the new Captain America.

Yes, he does. I thought he was pretty terrible. John Walker did nothing wrong. That's Derek, by the way. Derek's going to get interrogated by detective Travis here. And yeah, Derek, it's like this weird J crew ad with a police interrogation attached to it. Like when you're getting interrogated by the police, our Navy blue henland, since Pultino's

are the perfect bearing. What I love is that it's so clear that Christian movies got together. They're two or three most attractive actors for this cop drama. They were like, no, it's going to be the real shit. We need the people who are strong sixes. Come on, get Kyle. God, he really did look like a Kyle. I don't know his fucking name, but he looks like it's

Derek, but it's Kyle. It's Kyle. We all know it's Kyle. We'll use them interchangeably throughout the episode. We also begin by focusing on a lady mopping wrong for like a severe amount of time. She's just mopping in a semi circle, staring hard into the camera, waving for it to move away from her.

It's just like you guys said, I was just for like the beginning of the scene. This shot is so long. Are you trying to fill 26 minutes of footage with four lines of dialect? Why are you still watching? I'm going out of shapes to mop in. It's circle and line. Damn it. And behind the one way mirror when Kyle sits down with copy, make copperson, a guy turns to another guy and says, is this Mr. 700? And he says, yes, it is. Okay, is it a one way mirror?

Because isn't that all mirrors? They'll get to two way mirror, right? It's a two way mirror. That's where, okay, thank you. Because that mirror is normally our one way. A two way mirror would be glass. That's not a mirror. Well, so it's a one way mirror.

I mean, there's a mirror on one side and you can see through from the back on the other side. That's our one way. It's a mirror on one side and you can see through from the back on the other side. That's a one way. It's a one way mirror because is it a one way mirror because you can only. Yeah, it's called a one way mirror listeners tell it's called one. One is it? Yeah, I just googled it. I'm not happy about that.

Do you think real and tear gations rooms have that or do they just have fucking cameras? They probably just have cameras. Yeah, they actually just has a camera. Yeah, they're just watching on a camera. Is the mirror fooling anybody at this point in time? Do you think anybody goes into a vacation room? And is like, guys, I just want to say, I really love the design.

Like it really opens the room. And I'm glad that they have fun. And I'm glad that this is a private conversation. You know what, I'm going to confess into this perfectly normal mirror, really quietly. Nobody sees me, right? I'm sorry, do you mind stepping out of the room? I'd like to whisper into this mirror

that I actually did it, if you give me just a second. Was there a point where people, it was like Disney, right? Like nobody knew that technology existed and it was just fooling criminals all over the fucking world. Yeah. Now they caught the phone. Okay, why is it called one way mirror? Is it because it's only a mirror one way?

It's only a mirror on one side as opposed to those mirrors that face both directions and are both mirrors both ways. This can't possibly, it's a one way mirror because yes, it's a, the mirror only works in one direction. That's pretty much all mirrors. No, no, mirrors work in two directions. Wait, no, hold on, he might be right here, because that's not actually true, right? Mirrors have to have like a dark back so that you get a mirror image.

Yeah, like the back of a regular mirror is like a frame, right? It's not like if you took a mirror off your wall, the other side would be reflective. Mirror gate, everybody jump in with your opinions on this. No, he's right. A regular bathroom mirror is a one way mirror. Yes. So calling this a one way mirror is called one way glass. No, it's called the one way mirror. I don't know. It's a bad title. Oh, no. I don't know about that. This is the important takeaway of the episode. This was only 30 minutes long,

so we've got about an hour of mid-year-y alone. Exactly. So he sits, copy Macopperson sits Kyle down. Yeah. And he's like, I've got a few questions for you. But he starts, he's got a recorder, like a little digital voice recorder. And he starts by saying,

Derek Taylor, 830 PM, that's the name of the suspect, but he picks up the voice recorder and screams into it from inches away. Derek Taylor, 830 PM. We call that a moisture around here. And then he puts it down on the table. So that one little part is going to be so much louder than the rest of the normal recording.

Yeah. It just flash cuts forward to him listening to it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, damn it. I am clipping. Can we get somebody to edit this? Yeah. Should have gotten whaff plug in my little personal recorder. Yeah, he says he has some questions.

Derek asked if he should have an attorney present and the cops like why? And we're just, we're just good friends having a chat. And if I promise not to trick you, you're fine. Hey, here's some legal advice you could take from a podcast. Don't ever talk to the fucking cops without your lawyer, present for any reason, no matter what. Unless you're super duper innocent, in which case they'll totally help you.

Absolutely. Yeah, or a person of color, especially. Because remember, the biggest job of a police officer is to find the truth no matter how much effort work it is for them. That's what they care about. The police men care about the truth and people of color. And you know what, with the way things have been in the news lately, I know this is a good ad, but trust me, this will still be relevant. The way things have been in the news lately, they owe you one. So yeah, you do not need an attorney in that situation. At all other

times, do not ever talk to a cop without your attorney present. Yeah. Ever. And remember, tell them as many versions of the story as you can think of because that way, they can help you figure out the one that'll look the best in court. That's a point. A lens some easily provable lies at the beginning. That's a good way to do it. Make sure they're paying attention. By the way, serious trick cops will say, okay, so that's your story and repeat it back to you. That's a trick. You have to then answer, no, it's not a story.

That's what really happened. That's seriously what they do. Ethan, you okay? I got that helped. That's helped me happened. That's seriously what they do. Ethan, you okay? I got that helped. That's helped me in the past. Okay. Wait, I would love to be like, so wait, is the counter to that then? Oh, so you're saying it's a story? All right, fine. I did murder those people. Well, no, if you just go on and like accept the use of the word story there,

that's a hint to the cop that you told a story. But true stories are still stories. It's a thing they do. Are these the cops that only patrol that bridge where one person tells only lies in the other one tells them? Sometimes I go to that bridge. Yes, Eli. And I got pulled over once on that bridge. Yes. Is this admissible in court? If you go, if the cop shows up in court, he can be like, he then referred to the events that transpired as a story. And the jury's like, rebel, rebel, rebel, rebel murder. Wait, did he say story? Did you say story? Yeah, I don't know if that's how it works, but

that's how they, they, they, they zero in on this and they are more suspicious if you don't correct the word story. I don't want to zoom too closely in on your personal history as a drug dealer slash lunch lady, but did a cop try that on you and you were like, no, it's not a story. And he then went, ah, he got me because I was only deal with those police officers basically. Yes, that happened. I mean, a lot of it is probably I'm a white guy and I look like a cop Nazi, but also the thing you said that I was saying, yes, both. It's like the M.I. free to go thing.

Have you heard this? No, it's this. So this is like one of those fremen on the land things that like if a cop stops you and you say, M.I. free to go, they have to let you go and stop talking to you or arrest you. There's no choice. That is not true. I have. I imagine that's not true. Yeah. So the first time I got busted in Washington Square Park, I was

all full of that knowledge. So the cop was like, Hey, man, did you just throw that pipe into the bush? And I was like, am I free to go? And he was like, no, I'm asking you a question. And I was like, you have to arrest me. And he was like, okay, I will arrest you then. Great. You see how this game works? Like he was gonna be like, I couldn't answer his riddles three. Good luck, young sir. And I just wander off into the night.

So don't talk to cops. Yes. Don't talk to cops. Don't talk to cops. Get a lawyer. I'm so sorry. Was it, was it get a lawyer or don't get a lawyer? We've, we've gone in a lot of directions here. Get a lot of, get a free lawyer. Get a free lawyer. I'm so sorry. Was it, was it get a lawyer or don't get a lawyer? We've, we've gone in a lot of directions.

Yeah. A lot of, get a free lawyer. Conclusions. Sure. To talk about this fucking show. So now we're going to cut into this guy's memories story story, right? Story. No, not story, but you called it a story.

You're going to jail. See, jail talks. It's jail works. It's jail. A guilty man to jail. See, jail talks, it's jail. It's guilty, man talk. And now he's curses broken. I'm a cop until I get someone else to admit their serious events with the story. That's how we hire cops and the cops. That's how we, yeah, police unions didn't work out. So we're doing that now. But his son is playing in the car and we're supposed to see that he's a bad dad because he's like, don't touch anything in the car. I let you

sit in. Okay, but he is a bad dad. He's like fixing up his, you know, cherry mustang, 500,000 horses to work. But also he has a child and can't really afford any of his shitty garbage hobby. So yes, he's the worst. Yeah. I also love that he has a poster of the car on his wall. He's a poster! Thank you! All of his own car on the wall of his garage. I wrote my notes.

He might as well have a poster of the word car. Oh, he's garage. Right. And the cop is like, okay, yeah, you're garbage. Dad, follow up question. Did your shirt have sleeves at this point? And he's like, it did not know. It didn't. No, it did not. Dude was yoked though. Let's be real. Yeah. He was yoked up. Yeah. He was swollen. That's super heroes. It's that super soldier serum. And this is where the wife comes in and she has been going through his phone and she wants to know who Rebecca is.

Yeah. She says, who's Rebecca? And he says Rebecca who? I was like making a worst. I was like making a sad worst. Now if I may hold the camera back slightly, we will learn in this show, spoiler alert. He's not fucking Rebecca. No.

So what text did she read on his phone that she's like, she's being like, flirty. She's like, she's like, I miss you. Like, when do I get to see you, Neck? And he has so clearly done this fucking before because he answers with the most cliche yet effective of the like infidelity lines, which is like, well, I don't know what the tech say. So I guess I can't answer that.

Can I? Right? He's trying to figure out what she fucking knows. All right. My note literally just said this guy definitely fucks. And as we will learn, it's not an Instagram story. It's an Instagram reality. We talked just normal and then to build tension in the scene

Because they want you know, they don't want you to know who did it yet, right? He oh as she's like getting all mad at him and she's like like who the Srebekah he opens up his like his like toolbox drawer and Among his like wrenches, there's just a fucking bowie knife. He's machete. I'm machete. I have nowhere. He's genuinely, I think a bowie knife, right? Like, it's not, it's just to be clear for the listeners, it is not a pocket knife. It's not like a tool knife.

He's just got like all these car wrenches and a fucking bowie. Yes, he does. You know, maybe he read Christine Stephen King's novel where the car comes to life and goes after a man's family because it's haunted by the spirit of a ghost who falls in love with its owner. And you need to stab your car to death sometimes. Okay. That makes more sense. Let's remember, he's telling a story to a detective here.

So he mentioned the knife. He's talking to a detective and he's like, yeah, so then I check my tool cabinet for my giant murder knife. Can we pause? Can we pause? Can we take a time out on the interrogation? Yeah. I don't know a lot about tools, cars, or really masculinity in general, but even I know

that's a weird place to keep your murder knife. Well, you know, that kid was misbehaving. Again, there's lots of good reasons to have a murder knife. But here's what's amazing. This show is so stupid. It hasn't established who gets murdered yet. So in the context of this scene, it's just like, and by the way, there is a knife. Don't worry. This will be a cop show eventually. Right now is just a couple having a weird fight about texts, but they, they will, they will eventually end to add to the Christianity

in the middle of their fight. She goes, I don't know how to explain to our son. Why daddy doesn't go to church anymore? And I wrote in my notes, why does a daddy go to church anymore? He's an a word. Yeah, the Christianity is sprinkled very, very loosely throughout this fucking show. I would say that the cat falls off that sprinkle jar somewhere three quarters of the way through.

Right until the fucking end. Yeah. Yeah. Also, by the way, this actor playing Derek is wildly distracted by the towel that somebody gave him. Oh, yeah. He's doing so much space work. Yeah.

He's just flossing with it. He's got, he's around the neck off the neck over the shoulder off the shoulder. I thought those were nonsensical. Yeah, don't give this act. This is like this is like Moishi. You got to clear off the table in front of you. No objects. No. Yeah. Exactly. So we cut back to the cop and the cops like so this relationship with Miss Jennings. Do you turn into fucking or what? is there fucking in the story? Right. He basically does the old cop trick.

He's like, so when did you stop cheating on your wife? And Derek is like, I didn't. I was like, oh, that was easy. Yeah, this is like a non-musical version of that scene from Greece where they're like, tell me more. Tell me except the cops just like, get me the fucking good stuff and the guy's just fucking nothing just gives him a nothing. Hey man, one more time you sure you don't want a lawyer, you're like super bad at this.

You said murder. You said murder knife a moment ago. And then again, because these people have no idea how to set up tension, he goes, did your wife ever get violent with you? Again, spoiler alert, the person who is murdered is his mistress. They never fucked, but the person who's murdered is his mistress. So what the show is now setting up is maybe the wife killed the mistress

because we're gonna get a flashback on her menacingly chopping vegetable. Yeah, okay. Yeah, he has a Vietnam style flashback to his wife angrily chopping vegetables. It's like a fucking like blooper from the opening sequence from Dexter. Right. She's just fucking mangling him. So the cops like, all right, did you have an affair or not?

And he's like, all right, I'll get to the good stuff, get to the good stuff. So now we see him getting out of his sweet car at his mistresses place. Yeah. And we see a, I guess we're led to believe right now it's a private investigator spying. Yep. Who looks like a backstreet boy bench player approximately. I wrote a circus barker is watching him for tips. boy bench player approximately. I wrote a circus Barker is watching him for tips.

Right. So it's supposed to be a PI theoretically maybe hired by his wife to spy on him because she thinks he's cheating. Turns out it's not exactly that. We'll get there. Yep. He walks up to the front door of this woman. He's maybe trying to have an affair with.

And right as he's about to knock on the door, he gets a text from his wife. And it's like, this is actually funny. I laughed. It was like, can you pick up trash bags and not fucking other women whenever you get chased? Just really quick. Yeah, I wrote, can you pick up trash bags? Dot, dot, dot.

So the audience knows she's a fucking bitch. Right, the pureflakes viewership is like, man, nag, nag, nag. Am I right? Of course, you're sleeping with other women. But she opens up the door and he is showed up uninvited with food he expects her to eat. Tacos to be specific, right?

Because the metaphor is not, is not lightly layered into the scene. Podcast listener, let me assure you, women love it when you randomly show up at their house, especially when you expect them to eat food you brought over. Yeah. Hot tip. Yeah, he comes in all fucking awkward. He's just like, I came for your tacos. I mean, I came in your taco. Fuck, I mean, I came with Mexican food. Can we just fuck? But that's not exactly what he does. He's like, hey, decided to be spontaneous.

I brought you this blank paper bag of tacos that he has as the prop. And he's like, okay, bye. He starts to leave. Okay, that's the best part. Cause she's like, oh, do you want to come inside? And he's like, no, I just brought you tacos. I've errands to do to.

Goodbye now. I gotta get trash bags and not have sex with you. It's've errands to do to. Goodbye now. I gotta get trash bags and not have sex with you. It's the first night of my marriage. And he dressed up for it. Yeah, like me, it's like me doing a podcast. Like he shows a fucking soon time. The viewpoint of this show is that cheating is showing up to deliver someone tacos.

I have had an affair with everyone from Grubhub who's made it to my home recently. And then he's like, well, I don't wanna, you know, push this affair relationship to the next level. And she's like, oh, no, this is awkward. We're not having sex, I don't wanna have sex with you. Yeah, it's so awkward. She's like, oh, do you wanna come inside?

And he's like, I don't think we should have anal sex tonight. And she's like, wow, no, no, no, you just came to my house. I just, I just meant eat the tacos. I do want those. Yeah. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah, I'll, I'll watch you eat the tacos. I brought. What do you think happened?

What do you think happened that night? Like literally, was he just sitting there just like watching her shovel taco meat into her fucking Yeah, what happened is that every he's date ever. Yeah, it's just okay. Do you like moving your mouth is full? It's fine. Do you mind if I can? Well, you eat can I while you while you while I you was funny about the bill of right now, it's just now you you you you you you you you you just here's the guac is a pike bag of car. I'm gonna leave. And then to end the scene she sketchily closes the blind. So nobody

sees him eat her taco. If you know what I mean, I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. It's later clarified in the scene that they don't have sex, so she closes the blind so that she can eat tacos while he's there. That's what you mean is literally eat tacos. Yes. Yes. All right, well, now that I've been attacked by this very relatable content about most of my dating life,

we're gonna take another quick break and then we'll be back with more vindication episode one. Okay, if it was your dating life, you'd be eating the tacos and she'd be watching. Let's be real. I brought tacos for you to watch me eat. Yeah, the Heath and Wright story. Hi, welcome to the mouthwash aisle.

How can I help you? Wow, they have an employee for that weird. Um, yeah, actually, do you have anything that doesn't come in a giant unwieldy jug? No, I do not. Okay, how about a mouthwash that freshens my breath and keeps my mouth healthy without the weird additives or stinging alcohol?

No, again, no, but it sounds like you could use quip. Like, like, witty banter? I'd say, look, if you've got a zinger, I, that, but it sounds like you could use quip. Like, like, Whitty banter? I think, look, if you've got a zinger, I, that you want to share. No, no, silly not like that, quip, the good habits company. They launch to new mouthwash to help you complete your clean.

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G E T Q I P dot com slash awful five quip. The good habits company. All right. Thanks. No, no, do you guys have amulets of wrath? Gar? Uh, yeah, I'll four, but I have to cut the hard out of the sleeping demon. See? See? Not such a dumb question now, is it? It's a very specific situation. Give you a bad yell, Peruvio. You do all wake that demon. Don't.

Oh. All right, gentlemen, this is our big chance to write a Christian cop drama. So I want you to hit me with your best ideas. Okay? Really gritty. Star. All right, all right. No, hold them back. Let right, all right, nice.

Hold them back, let's go. Nice. Okay, what if there's a murderer? Ooh. And I. Ooh. Let's stop you right there. Let's stop you right there.

This is pureflex. So we can't really do murder. Hmm. I mean, what are we? Action star David A.R. White. No, we are not. Yeah, I'm still married. Okay, how about this?

What about a bank robbery? We're a robbery. No? Like with guns. Seems a little much again. Again, we're pure flicks. Okay, how about a story about a car thief who finds these. That's someone's car.

Okay. How about a guy he's cheating on his wife? Adultery. Emotionally though. No, no, emotionally. He's emotionally cheating on his wife. And. Oh, that's it.

My voice went up like I had the rest of an idea, but that's it. That's literally all we could possibly have left to say in your super duper restrictive guidelines. So excuse me for not wanting to offend anyone. We are a family company. ABC gets to write about murder.

Yeah, but they're a bunch of kikes. And that's true for sure. And we're back when we left off Derek threw a bag of tacos at Rebecca and ran away. So that was fun. Also, by the way, during the break, I checked and a one way mirror is sometimes called a two way mirror. So it's both and people call it that sometimes. In fact, there's an article on snopes called how to spot a two way mirror. So speaking of snopes, has anybody here ever been to a prostitute. What? Yeah, founder, snopes had. Real sad story. But snopes is real and two way mirrors, that's a term that's real. Anyway, now we're back in the interrogation room

to hear about what happened next. I just want to say, I love watching this cop comment on how fucking dumb this script is. That's his whole role within this movie. TV show. Yeah, his whole thing in this TV show is, sorry, is that, um, is that all to your story? Is that what this TV show is about? This TV show is so fucking boring.

I don't want to be in this TV show anymore. It's like at the end, you guys ever seen now you see me. Yes, multiple times. I saw it with you, much. That's true. We saw it together. It's like at the end, you guys ever seen now you see me. Yes, multiple times. I saw it with you, more seriously. That's true. We saw it together. It's like the end of that scene. I remember you and I actually giggling about this.

Remember, there's the end of the scene where more, or maybe it's like the sequel where Morgan Freeman's character is like, I was on your side all along. And Mark Ruffalo's character goes, why didn't you just tell us that? Morgan Freeman goes, I don't know. Yup. I don't know. Yep. I don't know. It says in the fucking script, man. Let's go.

And then he steps onto a carousel and magic advantage. It's for it goes away. Yep. And fucking and this, this cop fills the same role constantly. This guy Derek is telling his story in the cops just like, Jesus, dude, this doesn't come on. You got to help me here. This makes no fucking sense. And Derek's just like, no, I know, but I have doesn't come on. You got to help me here. This makes no fucking sense.

And Derek's just like, no, I know, but I have to say these words. I know, it's on the script. So, okay, one of the exact lines from the cop is, so that night, the relationship became consensually physical. And Derek's like, okay, okay, it didn't become consensual. I feel like you're tricking me again. I'm doing that lawyer.

Is that your story? Damn it, you've got me. But no, they actually didn't do anything that night. That's established here. Or ever. Yeah. Because then the detectives like, okay, so you didn't do anything that night. Did you eventually do anything?

And he's like, no. And he's like, well, then why is this part of your story? And he's like, I don't know. We needed 26 minutes. We didn't have any minutes. And this is technically minutes in the 26 minutes. We also get a flash cut to the cops watching the video of the interrogation room. And they're like, his prints were all over the place.

So we know it's him. Why was he touching hard surfaces all over her apartment while she and tacos? You bring tacos, you watch her and you run your hands lovelingly over her walls in front of her. I get it. I love picturing the scene though, right? She's just sitting around the couch eating tacos and he's

just like, oh, this is a nice table. Oh, this is a nice wall. Oh, is this a vintage lamp? No, Pier one, Pier one. Oh my god, marble countertops. I love this marble covered with ink. This is really nice right here. Do you mind if I sign your guest book? I mean, it's not your guest book, but it is a piece of paper. Do you mind if I sign it? Just takes a selfie of himself in the house. Holding a big kitchen knife. I wonder what to do with this. Yeah. What is this? A cup of skin cells.

Let me let me play. I want to play. I'm just going to shake some in. Cool. Take a skin cell, leave a skin cell. So now we're going to cut over to the office. And this is probably my favorite scene in the television show because at the very beginning of the scene, the actor who plays Derek has to pretend he can read.

And it's awesome. He's staring so fucking hard at this report. And he's like, hmm, I think it needs to be more numbers. It's, it's amazing. I have seen more specific technical dialogue in sexual harassment training videos. And I've seen a lot of sexual harassment training videos. And yeah, it's fucking crazy. He's just like, yeah, looks good.

That first part could use a different layout. You know, so the big client which accepts our proposal at the big meeting later this week, like it's fucking business, business, it's a synergy business. If you've ever watched a hallmark movie, it's that kind of generic corporate dialogue. We are in commerce.

Yes, we are. Lay out the commerce. He might as well have a like a chart behind him that just has sales up, not sales down. Okay, he doesn't have that. That would have been funny. He does have wooden, like antique ornate frames of a beach vacation he didn't take very clearly.

Yep. And a fake antique lamp from pure one, his office is ridiculous. Yeah, but the intern who he's helping out, this is where she hits on him. Because he's like, yeah, just fix the business business. We'll write this dialogue later business business. And she's like, is there anything else I can do before I leave your office? Well, okay, she asks that, but she says it normal.

She's like, so is there anything else you want me to do? And he's like, incubus, you are sexually harassing me. How dare you? That's the best part. Is that this is a Christian's version of the intern was flirting with me? So it's very clearly her being like, oh, thank you for your help with that thing.

And you know the writers are like, oh, she wants it so fucking bad. God. And she's like, no, I'm just, I literally, like just use my words will be literal. How about you just always assume my words are literal? He's like, well, okay, it seems like you offered to blow will be literal. How about you just to always assume my words are literal. He's like, well, okay, it seems like you offered to blow me, but yeah, this movie is filled with best, worst terrible advice showing up at a woman's house unannounced, thinking that a woman at work is flirting with you because she said the words. Thank you.

Yeah, this is truly the how-to guide of being an asshole. Shokes aside, as you watched more of the episodes, because yes, then I watched them absolutely. Fuck yeah. You will find that there is a heavy recurring theme in each and multiple episodes of like, this is what you get for being a whore. Like it's actually pretty fucked up

and it gets more fucked up as the series goes on. If there is an ethos to the first season of indication and I'm pretty sure only season of indication, it is, I mean, that's what you get for wearing a skirt that goes above the knee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not great. But now, Mistress, the taco eater is gonna confront the intern. Okay. Did you guys realize these were two different women until now? No. When she walked in, I was like, oh, that wasn't her.

That was a different, I thought she was the intern based on that last scene. No, now it's a different exactly the same Karen White woman who is Rebecca, the potential mistress. Hey, everybody wants to fuck Captain America. Of course they do. That's right. I mean, I do Chris Evans. Oh, well, he's not Captain America anymore. He's not Captain America. He isn't my head. That's fair. Yeah, but this is where she's going to confront the intern. She's like, Oh, yeah, he was helping you out. Don't see that

I don't know what you're playing at. But again, she's not sleeping with him either. This entire television show is based around the idea that these two people are sleeping together, except they're not. So it's crazy. Yeah, this guy's got a lot of drama in his life for a guy not getting his dick sucked anywhere. Yeah, he tries to explain to her. He's like, no, no, I'm not. It's literally just a TSI report thing with business words. That's all I was doing. Also, my wife is scary with chopping carrots. Just really aggressive, really scary.

Maybe we have sex because of that, but not yet. Yeah. So she confronts the intern. She comes into his office and she's like, hey, just in case you were wondering, I totally did not just threaten the intern just now, but how are you? And he's like, yeah, you know, helping out with TSI reports. I hate my marriage. She says, why don't you come over tonight and take a break. And then we cut to again, because this this show could not have less subtlety. We cut to other people in the office going, she doesn't care that he's married, whisper whisper. No, she doesn't. Whistler whisper. Are they watching their

conversation through a two way mirror? Is that how they're responding to that conversation? All the glass in the vindication versus one way. See, it's already a better show when we're reinventing it. And then I would say in the most important scene in the entire fucking episode, someone dribbles poison into a beverage. Hold on, hold on. So what happens is you're getting ahead because it cuts back to the cop

and the cop is like, was there any tension between them, right? Was there any like, did you notice any like conflict between the intern and your mistress? And then he has a flashback to the intern poisoning the mistress's coffee, right? Which he chooses not to tell the cop about and which never matters again in the entire fucking episode. And he was, he was inches away from this poisoning happening.

We see in the flashback, he was standing next to her being like, is that boy? Don't worry, it's fine, it's fine. I'm not going to say it anyways. I said to him, oh, you got it. Also, it's a baggy of like white powder. And I don't know if it was supposed to be coke or, or laxative.

What was it? It's poison. It was supposed, I think it was supposed to be laxative. What was, it's poison. It was supposed, I think it was supposed to be laxative. I think, I think what the show was going for was a red herring like with the knife, but they didn't realize that an unused knife

and someone poisoning another person can't be the same kind of red herring. Because that will never matter. Right. The only way that makes sense, because we will learn that a fair lady, the one who ate the tacos, is murdered by her ex-boyfriend, okay?

Spoilers, spoilers, she's murdered by her ex-boyfriend. But the only way that this poisoning scene makes sense is if she was murdered before the poison took effect. No, no, no, no, no. Or, or it wasn't poison. It was a laxative and I'll tell you why I want that to be the case. Sure.

Because that means somewhere on a DVD box of Vindication Season 1, there is a deleted scene of Rebecca furiously shitting her pants at work. And I will buy the DVD box just to watch it. I'll buy all the DVD boxes in existence. Right? He's just like, did you notice her behavior change at work? And then he just has a flashback to her just being like, Pfft!

Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! No, nothing suspicious.

And I don't know the... I remember. Genuinely, nothing comes to mind. So now it's time for him to go to men's group. Okay. Okay. So this is happening because Rebecca came up with this idea when he was like, no, I don't know if I can sneak out after work.

I'm supposed to be home. I can't come see you. And she's like, well, why don't you go to this men's group? And then you leave that early. You've got an excuse with the men's group. You leave early and you come see me. What is a men's group? And why is it take place in the workplace? I mean, that's a thing. Men's groups are a fucking thing. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Like an in office Bible study? No, no, no, no, no. That's not what they are. I don't think that that's what the movie or the show says they are. But like, I think there is a men's group thing. Yeah, it's just like, I think it's group therapy

specifically for men. Oh, see, I've heard of it, but I didn't know what it was. A friend of mine said, he was in a men's group, and I was just like, you're in a men's, like in my head, this was like super negative, but then he didn't really describe it. Okay, so there's like a thing that's not horrible. That's called a men's group sometimes. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's not horrible. I think it very well might be horrible, but I think it's just, I think it's like a group of men talking about like masculinity and like trying to be better men.

I'm going to have to hurt. I've heard this is a private one. This is just what I've, you know what? I don't think we should be judging people I'm gonna have to. I've heard. I've heard. This is a Bible study. This is just what I've, you know what? I don't think we should be judging people who may have gone to a men's group. This is an in-work Bible study because they have workbooks and they're talking about Bible passages from last week. So, okay, and can I just clarify one little thing?

Please. For our listeners, I have a very short attention span. I did not realize on my first watch through that this was a men's group. Like, I'm sure I was fucking checking my phone or something. And so I tuned into the scene and I thought, I thought this was just a meeting at work. So he sits down and they're all like the first guy like, there's these two black guys who are seated next to each other because that's where they go. And and they start one of them's just like, look, before we get started, I just want to tell you guys, like, you all know what's been going on between

me and Natasha. And you know, ever since I cheated on her and she took the kids and I'm just like, this is all weird board meeting. Yeah. The guy he finishes and the guy's like, okay, so sales were up 3% in a second quarter, but that's genuinely what I thought was happening the first time I watched the episode. No, we're at a Christian-themed men's group now. Yeah, that's what's actually happening. Yes, yes, yes. And this guy who starts it is like, yes, so, you know, me and Tasha is not going great with her.

She met someone else is, is atheism wrong? Does anybody know what religion is the right one so that I can work this out? What's amazing is they can't be like, she's sleeping with him. I slept with them this, that or the other. So they just have him say half of the sentences that lead to conversations about adultery. He's like, my marriage is going well. She's met someone else who she's ever since I first. It's the yada yada yada episode from science.

Exactly. Yada yada yada. Also, just small thing at the very beginning of this scene, they try to do like a cold open on this men's group. Oh, yes. I was so sad that we so silly. So we see this men's group and it's halfway through a sentence and one guy is like, and Paul still didn't understand the thing I said before the scene started and they all. It's so dumb. I told him again and again and he still didn't understand it everyone's like that's classic Paul That's called totally hilarious. I prefer the thing that the audience didn't hear super super funny I have a fan theory that we actually do see Paul in this episode later on and we will we'll get to that really

Yeah, I have I have a pretty pretty strong theory I know who Paul is. I'm listening. Interesting. Do you guys remember that in addition to the cop in the interrogation room, on the other side of the one way, two way, three way, Menazza, Twamir? It's two way. Do you remember? That's canon.

You remember, there's two other cops and one of them consistently has no fucking clue what's going on. That's true. Oh, there's a cop with a mustache and the other cop constantly is excipleaning what the interrogator is doing, right? He's just like, why do you ask him that? What's happening now? Who is this guy?

And then there's the other cop who's like, he's trying to get into change his story. No, he's, it's an interrogation. It's, it's, I think that guy's Paul. I think that's Paul because he doesn he's it's an interrogation. It's it's it's fuck I think that guy's Paul I think that's Paul because he doesn't get it and the other guy keeps trying to explain it to him full circle Wow that really ties this whole thing together But yeah, he finishes the story about getting cheated on right? He's like, yeah, you know, she's met someone else and I was really thinking about that Bible passage you said last weekend. I don't know if I was about to cheat on my wife, it, it really helped. And Derek, sorry, I gotta stop you.

At this point, I was like, really? This is where I realized it's a Christian men's group. They actually took out a workbook at one point. Yeah. Which, God, this is my nightmare. And then it's Christian. It's even worse. So he shares the story about his wife meeting somebody and then he asks, what's that Bible verse you shared last week? In my head, I was like, which fucking Bible verse tells you how to be

cool about your wife finding another person? Yeah. What a wildly generic fucking Bible verse. Right? Because like, because there isn't a good one for it, right? There's no verse where like the Lord says unto Abraham, that may take another wife unto Sarah, but that shall set all her texts, subprivate. But then we get the Bible verse. It says, the thief has come to steal, kill, and destroy.

But I have come that you may have life. End of quote. That's the whole Bible first. This was to fix marital infidelity problems. That was written for him. Yeah, because Derek has no chill. I left so hard at this. He's like, you know, that Bible verse that really helped me with my terrible life that really is troubling. And Derek's like, Hey, I'm apropos of nothing. What was that Bible

verse? Just in case I was going to fuck someone tonight. Can I get that Bible verse real quick? Because I might I got one of those half boners where it could get hard, but it's not hard yet. And I was wondering if you know that Bible verse that cures boners for people who are your wife. I just want to be clear. The thief, the thief in that Bible verses is penis, right? Oh! Like if you rewrote the verse, it would make, it would actually track, right? Like, my penis has come to steal and lie and deceive, but my not penis is here to bring life. Okay, but I have come that you may have life. Who is I there?

I think, I think it's his penis versus God. I think it's the owner of the penis, right? My penis has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that you may have life. Yeah, it's jerking off before the date. This is the biblical advocacy for jerking off before a date. I is a different temporal penis. No, it's you, your penis is the thief. Yeah, and coming is coming. Yes. Right, like you come to bring life. Exactly.

Got it. Okay. It's all coming together. But your penis comes for its own reasons. Okay, but he didn't kill destroy. But in the show, Derek's like, no, that's perfect. Thank you for that quote. I'm gonna get stolen from Killed and Destroyed,

but Jesus too. So I feel better now, my problems with my wife are solved. Great. This is a really good men's group. I'm glad we had this. All right, well, we made it through a men's group, a Christian men's group. So we officially get a break.

That is a union rule. And then we'll be back for the amazing, I assure you amazing conclusion, twist ending of vindication episode one. Dun dun dun. K. F. A. N. C. Y. D. O. N. K. E. Y. Fancy donkey. What's the donkey busy doing? Guten fancy. Hey, Laya. What's the donkey busy doing, getting fancy?

Hey, Laya. What's with the get up, man? Yeah, you look like if the penguin was less subtly anti-Semitic. I will have you guys know that I have a date night tonight with Anna, and I wanted to look a little bit nice for it. Nice, are you guys going somewhere super fancy? No, we're just doing a like a picnic in the park.

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That's cutsclothing.com slash gam for 15% off and access to anniversary events all month long. All right guys, thanks. So long penguin suit. You wore a tarot-weight tuxedo Well, it is date night gross Hey there podcast listeners, you know, we've had a lot of fun here on God off of movies today And we've made a lot of jokes, but some things are too important to joke around about which is why I'm cutting in for a quick

Serious moment to address something that was probably bothering a lot of you. Two-way mirror isn't a more accurate term. I know, I know, one-way mirror doesn't really make literal sense, given that mirrors are generally speaking one way. It's a window that acts as a one-way mirror, and no doubt the original term was shortened from there, but two- way mirror doesn't make any more sense because it's not a mirror, two ways. It's only a mirror one way.

The other way, it's a window. Now this may seem unimportant at first, but despite a glass manufacturer on Quora saying that they actually refer to slightly different variations on the same concept, it seems that the terms one way mirror and two way mirror are used interchangeably, and that's fucking dumb, because synonyms shouldn't sound like opposites. The last time we did that was with flammable and inflamble, and that ended up melting babies, so please, don't melt more babies, just call it a one way mirror. And now, back to your regularly scheduled episode.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. And we're back. When we left off, Derek had just learned about the biblical solution to his wife hating him for being boring and terrible. And now we're back at the house with mom, his wife. Her name is Jamie, by the way, she never got named. I don't know, she gets named in the hole. We had to go to the credits to find out that.

I absolutely had to just check that on IMDB. Her name is Jamie and she's putting their kids to sleep at their house. Yeah. And he wants to stay up and wait for daddy. And mom's like, no, you fucking can't do that. And he's like, okay, can I pray? And she's like fine. It was a Christian television.

Fine, you can pray. Yeah, and kids, kids love praying I pray? And she's like fine. It was a Christian television. Yeah, because kids love praying. Praying is the new skateboarding. Oh yeah, it's the new planking, absolutely. Also, by the way, Daddy's at a men's only Bible group. So just don't listen to anything he says tomorrow or pretty much ever. Don't listen to that. That's horrible.

They have a workbook, by the way. It's, I don't know. Okay, I have a question. What do you think is, by the way. It's, I don't know. Okay, I have a question. What do you think is in that workbook? It's like, the problem sets with like Bible answers, circle, which of these is the Bible and it's got like a copy of hustler in a picture of the Bible and it's like, oh, which one, which one? But I love how passive aggressive her prayer is here.

She's like, okay, oh, you want to pray? Dear God, please put my son to sleep. Also, fuck my husband. I mean, Daddy, I hope his general words that he got from that toilet seat are fine. Good. Go to bed. And then we get some cross cuts between Jamie and Rebecca. Jamie being sad and Rebecca getting ready for the affair that they might have for him to come over and oh man. And she's just shitting horribly from the boys. And I could do an entire podcast episode on how the Christian set dressers made the good Christian bedroom versus the sexy, or peer one bedroom.

It's amazing. The symbolism is, well, chef's kiss. Look at Rebecca with her comfortable pillows and look at Jamie with her good Christian, weird quilt thing that old people have as a top blanket that no one wants or uses. Why do we have that? You just have to throw it out the way. It's the worst. It's the, it decorative pillows and people who zip line need to go with the path.

They need to go into the paths. This whole time, by the way, I was just rooting for Rebecca and Jamie to get together. Absolutely. And fuck Derek, not fuck Derek, like fuck Derek, not fuck Derek. You know what I mean? Derek shows up for his affair with Rebecca and he sees her and Jamie doing it through the window. Oh, okay, well that's ironic for me to get mad. Does the Bible have a verse for this?

I think I need a different men's group. Yeah. Oh, that kind of men's group. Now I see why she was recommending it. And the text, the text Rebecca sends is fucking amazing. Oh, yeah. So they finished the cross cut. And then we watch Derek get into his car leaving the men's group and he gets a text. What does it say again? She texts it. Well, so first of all, first of all, the wife texts him and is like, I miss us, right? And then he's like,

all frustrated. And then Rebecca texts him and is like, I have a surprise for you tonight. Cookie emoji, kiss emoji. And I just wanted on the record that at this point in the show, the producers have now used both TACO and Cookie as stand-ins for vagina. I feel like the next scene is literally just gonna be Rebecca deep

prying an entire tilapia. He opens the door to a apartment a bunch of eggplants fall out. The director wanders in front of the camera. My daughter told me that's what it means. It means you got a bunch of eggplants in your mouth. Okay. I took that text literally and I'm thinking to myself as Derek and I'm like well she doesn't have fucking real cookies. She's baking. That's fucked up. That's just he storms into the apartment. We're the fuck are the cookies you promise? Hey, you'll suck my deck.

Whatever. Where are the cookies? You said cookies. Where's the eggplant Parmesan here? What's happening? Words matter Rebecca. Where's the tilapia? So now we cut back to the cop interview place.

So the cops like, I'm sorry, is your story that you were going to fuck a lady, but then you didn't. And instead you sat in your car alone talking to God, that's your alibi. And Derek's like, yes. And then the cop asks with no fucking sense of irony, you know what an alibi is, right? Yeah. Like speaking on behalf of the viewer, he's like, I was talking to God, you know what an alibi is, right? You know what that word means.

But then the cops like, but you know what, on second thought, talking to a ghost, God, Christian God? Okay, got it, that's a good alibi. And then the detective interview again is like, look, this isn't going to hold up. All right, I've done this a long time, been on this beat a long while. You know, you need to tell me a different story, right? Which is very common. Do you want to do over? But that's actually that's a very common, right? Police tactic because like the moment you

change your story, they fucking got you. Story everybody knows that. Right. So Derek is like, okay, you want me to do a do over my alibi. All right. Sweet. I didn't know we get those. That's great. Yeah. Mulligan, breakfast ball.

Uh, you know what? I was telling the truth. My alibi is. And when he introduces it, when cop guy turns it off, it says, you want to try that again. I literally thought the actor was trying to give the other actor another take. That was the only possible thing I could imagine was him just being like, that was really bad. Do you want to do it again? Have you read the script? You feel like you're not off-booked. Do you want to try it? We're time. I don't want to tell you how to do the job. But no, the cops like, yeah, I believe you. That's that's

locked in. I believe you. So continue the story, please. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's time for the big confrontation with his wife, like all women who have been cheated on. She's sitting in the kitchen and the dark waiting for him. Right. Just once I want to say, when we make God off of movies, the movie, there's going to be someone waiting for someone in the kitchen, but we're going to watch them sitting in the dark kitchen just being like,

oh, man, when they get here, they're going to be like, oh, time to walk in the kitchen, and they'll turn on the lights, and I'll be like, whoa, I was here. I'm going to, I'm going to play some candy crush on my phone. Oh my God, he's here.

Oh my God, you're ready. You're ready. You're ready. I'm candy crush on my phone. Oh my God, he's here. Oh my God, you're ready. You see me? You're ready. I'm so mad. Also, we know this is the night that Rebecca's getting murdered while he's coming home to his wife instead. How is this possibly the most interesting scene happening right now in this film's universe?

Right? Just fucking, he's just talking to his fucking wife. And there's a fucking murder happening like show me that goddamn scene Yeah, the people who made vindication were not up for showing a murder and she opens this conversation by going Do I even want to know where you've been and I wanted him so badly to be like? Man, I don't know are you into cock stuff because if you're into cock stuff I have been worrying over nothing. Let me tell you guys is a big relief Right and she asked him directly, did you have sex with another woman? And he says,

I can thankfully and honestly say no. I was like, wow, man. Just say regular no. Why you doing a weird acceptance speech? Just say no. It is my deep and abiding honor to inform you. I did not get a handle from that lady at my work. Whereas I resolve that I have not on a clear too far. It should be understood. But she's still mad at him because this is a Christian television show. And so texting about not fucking is still cheating. I think he's very clearly fucked around on her before though. I feel like that was heavily implied. Is that not, am I misreading that?

Because like, she's gone through his phone before. She can't trust him. No, I think this is, I don't think that's implied. He was already going to the men's group. That's what's supposed to be implied, but this is like a pureflex type thing so they couldn't really tell you that. Right. Yeah.

This was dumb. I don't know. But now she's just mad at him for like, flirty texting in the first degree. He says like, no. And she's like, why should I believe you? And he's like, because it's near the end of the episode. Because I'm sitting here.

That was his actual answer. Why should I believe you because I'm sitting here because object cannot exist in two point. As true. If you had fucked her, you would have never come home to your wife and son again. So that's a pretty good point. And then he gives what's supposed to be this like you completely monologue, but it starts so badly. He's like, I want you to know, I hate you. I hate our marriage

and I'm a bad dad. And I'm like, okay, we go, but I also I'm pretty sure you're a thief who wants to steal, kill and destroy me. What Jesus loves me. Does that make sense? Yeah. This is your fault, I would say, if anything, right? According to the Bible, it's your fault. Yeah. He uses the classic I spoke to God defense here, which apparently is a fucking get out of jail free card for anything. Oh, God, this is an evil, evil trick that probably happens all the time in the Christian world. Oh, wait. Yeah, man. Like, they use it to spot kids. Yeah. Not just other women, like, guys, I just came up with a so much

a better cop show than vindication. Are you ready? You don't must have to. It's a cop show where people commit murders and do terrible crimes. And then they're like, but Jesus forgives me and the detective let's go at the end of every episode. It's amazing. It's the end of every episode. Amazing. It's the ultimate Christian comp show.

You just say you're sorry and whatever you did doesn't matter. Doesn't count. And that's kind of what happens here, right? Because he's just like, I want you to know, like I prayed tonight. I spoke to God and she's like, you spoke to God. And he's like, I know we haven't spoken in years, like not since the thing at the high school. Like, it's like, no, bro.

Well, ever since I got with God's girlfriend, like we haven't spoken, but like like not since the thing at the high school. Like, it's like, no, bro, ever since I got with God's girlfriend, like, we haven't spoken, but like, I'm fucking talking to what we're talking again. And he's like, and God, God spoke to me. And he told me to come home tonight, which is like, just a fucking heartbeat away from being like, and it was like, it was crazy. I was sitting there in the car and God told me, you know, how important it was to come home and tell you, I'm sorry, and that we should start doing butt stuff. But God was very no.

It's please was it my idea was not that said? No, no, no, no, not both our butts. He was really clear about that. Just yours. Yeah. Very important or just mine. Just mine. Would it help to know that someone had a surprise cookie for me somewhere else tonight?

So you're you're going up against the lot here. He said start with a tongue. So yeah, he said explains that God wants him to do butt stuff and he's going to be better and the wife again, he has not cheated on her. The wife's like, I don't know that I can trust you anymore. I wrote my notes. Cool. Glad I came home.

I could have been eating fucking cookies. I could have eaten cookies, having stuffed under my butt. She was making an entire salmon for me. You never text me food emoji. That house was gonna wreak a fish. And so now we cut back to the cop. And the cop's like, okay, so you almost cheated on your wife, you texted someone, then you didn't sleep with her. Is that what this shows about? And the guy's like, yeah, apparently that's what

the show's about. And he's like, okay, well, you can go home now. Are you ready, everyone? Here's the twist. Oh, yeah. He's like, wait, I'm free to go. And he goes, yeah, no, we already caught the murder. We already caught the bad guy. I was just teaching you a Christian lesson. I was just Christian now. You're welcome. I'm a police detective. It could have only ended better if like the cop had just reached over and like magic

grabbed his nose and been like, we have fun here. Oh, okay, wait, even better alternative ending. The cop pulls off his mission impossible, three mask. He's the wife and he says, now I trust you. And then as the pin to the story, as the perfect pin to the story, he explains that the private investigator from earlier, that was actually a stalker ex-boyfriend and he went and murdered her that night. And he says, almost word for word, I'm saying this. Good thing you were there fucking her, huh?

No. Because you don't got it stopped. No, no, no, you already fucked it up. He said, thank God you weren't there that night. You probably, that probably saved your life. That saved, thank God you found God in your car. That saved your life. Awesome prank.

I just did face your welcome. Credits. That's the end of the show. The only way that we can really communicate to our viewers how ridiculous this ending was is like this. This ending would be like if instead of Kevin Spacey being Kaiser Soze at the end of the usual suspects The cop was just like now we were kin some black guy did it. We got him That's the end of the show that's the end of the first episode

Keep in mind that this television show vindication you wouldn't fucking know it based on episode one Follows the story of the cop You wouldn't fucking know it based on episode one. Follows the story of the cop. This show is apparently about the cop who never even introduces himself. Detective Travis is his name one more time. Yes. And yes, this entire series apparently is about a cop

who does murder interrogation pranks for Jesus. For Jesus. That's the show. Oh, how good would it be if the Dorchester opens as he's letting the prisoner out? irrigation pranks for Jesus for Jesus. That's the show. Oh, how good would it be if the door just opens as he's letting the prisoner out and he's like, Hey, man, you're under arrest. You're not allowed to just lock people

in our interrogation rooms and ask them questions. Oh, shit, I'm not a cop anymore. All right, so let's get a little prediction before we close it out. What is detective Travis going to do next time to save a soul as a detective prank? I actually know because I binge the entire fucking season. Yep.

Me too. And what he will do is continue to shame Jezebel's for their horish ways. Let's keep it. And what happened the second episode of this show might as well be called SlutshamingCop. Great. Wow, the actual answer by cheating is worse than what you would have come up with. The next episode is all about a girl who sexes. And the consequences she sow is for her, you know, Jezebeli in ways.

Fantastic. The name of this second episode might as well be CSI morality. Yeah, the show should be called CSI. You're going out in that. All right. Well, while that does it for a review of vindication episode one, we're obviously going to get to some more of these episodes at some point, but that's not going to do it for the show just yet, because we still need to get you excited for next week. So Eli, what's on deck? Well, Heath, when five friends get together for their annual Lady Gathering, their faith will be tested by tragedy, wine, and terribly written dialogue.

We'll be watching Only God Can. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring the episode to a merciful close. and terribly written dialogue. We'll be watching only God can. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring the episode to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Moishi for joining us. Moishi, thanks again. Always. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash Godawthl. And then I'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out by leaving us good reviews and by sharing the show on all your

various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, you should check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist, Citation Needed, The Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus, available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godawthlmoviesatgmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the offices of P.N.J. Torres. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Giraffes on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Moishie and Eli, I'm Heath. Promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. After finding Jesus and reconnecting with his true Christian soulmate Rebecca, Derek finally reclaims the Captain America shield and immediately uses it to murder his wife and child. That's super- I'll just hear him as no joke. Somebody went on to drink poison coffee from that intern, but we never address it. Hehehehehe.

Eli made it through an entire f***ing appearance without doxing him. Damn it! Sure, yeah, that's a great idea. All right. Now I'm recording. I'm going to wait for the bar to fill up. Should happen right about, you know, vaguely in the next. Yeah, you got to fill up the bar before you do it.

That's true. Yeah, it's going to fill up. It's like a power thing in a street fighter move. I just want to make I just I just I just want to be sure. Okay, now it's good. It's good. We're good. We're good. All right. We got to do the five count again. Are you ready? I was born for this. Moishi. One, two, three, four, four, five.

pseudonyms are for people who get their mic right on the third try. All right. is everybody good? I could use water. We just listened to Moishi make himself a cup of tea. Well, I've got to wait for it to cool down. I heard somebody definitely hurt himself. Oh yeah. All right. Okay. Oh, most importantly,

looking front of you, is there anything that you could pick up in your hands and start fiddling with? Because no, last. Let me, let me, let me grab it across the room. Last episode, you had a rubber band and Morgan's going to kill you. If he ever sees you, he's going to kill you on site. Do you have a bag of trisks in front of you? Be honest. No. Let me get some selling. No, no, no, okay. You can hear everything. That's why it's a microphone. Be funny enough to hold my attention. All right. Let's, I've been trying that for a decade, man. I've been trying that for a decade. All right. Let's see what we've got.

He lies in mental fidgets. All right. So welcome back to the podcast. Great. Okay. Just a, I can hear your wet Jewish lips. It's so upsetting. I have no comments on that.

He can also. That's what he means. Here we go. Welcome back. You good? He's good. Okay. For real. We're doing it.

We're doing it. I got to find my place on it. It's right below where you just were. Got it. I was popping a pimple. All right, go ahead. Wow. Morgan, I tried.

I took all the stuff off of his desk. I can't take his own body away from him. Go ahead, I'm ready. Jesus Christ. Is that legal? Did you check the handrails? Yeah, is that legal? Why are you giving me all the wine for me?

Is it gonna be canceled? She died under an await. That's just manifesting forward slash M.A. And then there's, are we gonna talk about the pro, did we, we didn't talk about the private investigator yet? We did. Did we? Yeah.

I said he looks like a carnival barker. You had some private investigator material. Jump in. Well, he was my private invest, I'm sorry, I missed that. You had some private investigator material, jump in. I did, well, he was my private investigator, I'm sorry, I missed that. Here's my private investigator. How did you miss it? You're on a Skype call with us. Just jump in with like,

and one more thing about the PI, so that it makes sense. And one, I just want to clarify one thing about this scene. When I rewatched it, I literally had forgotten about the private investigator until I watched it a second time to do the notes because it literally never matters again. Um, he will matter. In correct. He hold on.

Is he the boyfriend? Yes. Yeah, he'll be part of the twist ending. But hold on, they don't clarify that. They do. They clear by she was killed by her exfriend, but they don't clarify that that is the same dude. No, they when he says crazy ex-boyfriend, it shows a flash of him. Is that him and how sure are you? That's him in the flash. I watched this episode. Yes. I so is he also a private

investigate? No, no, he's just a star. He's not ex-boyfriend who owns a camera. But he was like talking to the client. He was like on the phone being like, no, he's just on the phone being like one second. I'm going to have to call you back. It's a red herring and it's Moishi. You fell for it. God damn it. They got me again.

All right, you can cut all that. That's all garbage. I'm sorry. It's okay because Moishi was fucking checking his email in the middle of recording our podcast and fucking checked out for the three seconds. We just pride the private investigator. I think it's just a very forgettable character. Alright, Eli, do you want to add one more cap to that or should I just close it? Yeah, go ahead and close it. Okay. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright

more cap to that or should I just close it? Yeah, go ahead and close it. Okay. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2021 all right reserved.