God Awful Movies - 314: A Teenage Conflict

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

This week, guest masochist Jessica Bluemke Greiff of the Friendly Atheist podcast joins us for an atheist review of A Teenage Conflict, where we explore the dark and dangerous world of children learning facts and the terrifying world it might lead to.--- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. To hear more from Jessica, check out The Friendly Atheist podcast Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

I don't think atheists are like a pressed, widely and largely like there's some weird shit people have said, but like just this idea that just who I am is gonna hurt somebody's feelings sucks. Yeah, yeah, it's like someone's like, oh, do you like Game of Thrones? And I'm like, ah, you know, I like the early seasons and the last season, though, and then they start weeping. That's what it's like to be an atheist. The last season for Amazing, you're an asshole.

You want to win Mother with Janarius? She died for you. I'm back. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Ooby, Ooby, Ooby. Welcome back to God Awful Movies. For each week, we'll watch another terrible movie,

so you don't have to. I'm your host, T-Than, right? And I'm joined by the eminently-redoubtable Eli Bosniki Eli, how's it going? I'm fantastic, Keith, though. Right? This is a get ahead be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy.

I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy. I'm not going to be a bad guy if I'm right? And also backed by very popular demand. We have veteran guest maskist from the friendly atheist podcast, Jessica Blumki-Grife. Jessica, welcome back. Oh, thank you so much for having me back on, boys. This was a treat. Wasn't it? So as I understand it, we had you watch a movie about a computer and that's it. It's just like looking at a computer last time.

Well so far you said movie and about. So I'm going to stop you twice. It is. I'm not there movie nor is it about anything in particular. All right. Well, we gave you another fantastic one. So tell us about it. What are we going to be breaking down today?

So we watched a teenage conflict. It is a 1960s pro-Christian propaganda film. Yes, it is. About God, I guess. It's tough one. It's about, again, I might have to stop you about Jessica. It's about how learning is bad. I think it's anti-science, but it doesn't seem to be

specifically anti-science, just pro-cris- I don't know, unclear. I think we're going to have to do a deep break down of this. I think we will. Jessica said she prayed on it before we started. I did, because I got the fund task of trying to summarize this stupid pile of garbage and I just, I'm your guest, you shouldn't make me work that hard. Yeah, normally I have to do that part and I was like, yeah, Jessica's doing this stuff. It's the story of blank. I don't know, you figured out fucking horrible. All right. And Eli, this is a lot easier. How bad was this movie, whatever you want to call it? Yes, it is.

Well, if you love Jesus, but real to real videos of a nerd at a blackboard has torn your world view of Sunder, you will love this movie. All right. And is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm going to say it's the best, worst use of every single logical fallacy there is. They really hit a lot of them like, oh yeah, just a checklist and they go right through. They have a lightning round at the end just to make sure they cover them all. Yeah, and the problem of evil appears maybe five or ten times in their checklist, especially

at the end. Real big. Yeah. I would say an appeal to authority is sort of the thesis to this particular movie. Yeah. Certainly a better title than a teenage conflict. Right. I hear it.

A third. From the title down, it was rough stuff. All right, I was going to go with best worst understanding of what a computer is. So the one you watched last time dealt with this too, this could have been the best worst for that maybe. Was it in fact, we have a, we have a theme going. So in this one, there's a claim that some really smart guy is building some kind of supercomputer brain.

The movie's in 1960 though. So that's a punch card situation. That's a calculator. Yeah. That's what that's doing. They keep talking about it. Or he has a building size computer somewhere out there that we don't know about. Yeah.

Ooh. And see, I was going to go with best worst villain. So the context of this short film is really important. Okay. This movie is almost certainly made in response to the rising popularity of the articles and work of physicist Richard Feynman, who a lot of people consider to be America's first great science communicator. He was really among the first American intellectuals to make incredibly complicated scientific concepts

understandable to lay people who had no interest in science. So the Richard Feynman lectures that were taped the year this movie came out would be without a doubt the progeny of stuff like cosmos. And anytime Christianity meets learning things you can understand, it's gonna go badly. Pregendent. When you add to that, the fact that Simon was an avowed atheist

and probably a communist, you have this movie. A Christian version of having an argument you lost on Twitter over again in the shower. Oh my God. Okay, so those Feynman lectures came out and Christian families freaked the fuck out and that's why we have this movie. That's, that's what happened.

What's even better is Feynman was just getting popular when they made this movie. The tapes weren't even like widely spread yet. They were just like, I hear there's a professor who people like at Caltech. We better make a movie in case anyone sees this, too. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha A teenage conflict. Go on, open it! Just give me a second, just give me a second. Now, this is from both of us. That's right, this is from both of us. You guys, what?

Ah, just because it's my birthday, is that what this is? You're 40th birthday. The big four, oh big guy. Yep, birthday, wow, okay, thank you, thank you so, all right. Oh, it's okay, thank you. Thank you. So, uh, alright. Oh, it's, uh, it's... Bran cereal. Yeah, that's right, buddy. That stuff is the best. Oh, dude, you'll be able to eat off your colon. You really will.

Okay, well, I mean, first of all, horrifying image. Second of all, Healthy breakfast doesn't have to be so boring. It doesn't? Thanks to Magic Spoon cereal healthy breakfast doesn't have to be so boring. It doesn't? Thanks to magic spoon cereal, it doesn't. It's got 0 grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, 4 net grams of carbs, and only 140 calories of serving. It's gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and low-carb. Plus, you can build your own box or get a variety pack with available flavors cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry, and cinnamon. Wow, that sounds delicious! They are delicious. Plus, they just introduced their super popular maple waffle

and cookies and cream flavors. Those sound amazing as well. They are. I got them back in the day and I am so pumped they're back in stock. Okay, so where can I get some of this healthy cereal that doesn't look or taste like backing tape? Yeah, it doesn't at all. So just go to magicspoon.com slash gam to grab your delicious cereal and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code GAM to check out to say $5 off your order. And magic spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free

cereal at MagicSpoon.com slashgam and use the code gam to save $5. Thanks to MagicSpoon for sponsoring this episode. All right, Heath, well, I guess it looks like we've got to figure out something else to do for your birthday, huh? Yeah. Yeah, maybe something that's not related to, you know, how old I am or like a secret jab at me as a person or my colon. Oh, there's a Tushie ad coming up later in the episode. Oh, awesome, awesome. Awesome. I know just the thing.

All right. Okay, everyone, if you could just finish up your thick, tea-bone steaks and your four scotches that we all had for lunch and light up your cigarettes, we'll get started writing this movie. Mine is menthol! Health nuts, what are you gonna do? Anyway gang, the truth is there's too much science out there. First the Ruskies put a refrigerator up in the firmament who knows what's coming next.

Thank how many angels they could have knocked over. Every stinkin' night, Nick, I think of it every stinkin' night. We need a film for the kids that makes it clear that science is great and all, but God is the real maloink. The cats pajamas. Exactly. So here's the way I see it. We make a movie about this fancy scientist, right?

You. Nick. Sorry, sorry, instincts. It sounded like you were describing. That's what you were describing. Okay. Anyway, this scientist, he's gonna come to town and these kids are sure he's just gonna kill God

with Lenin's own sickle. Oh my. To intense. No, I just had a baby. Gross, this is why women can't be in the workplace. I said, oh my. Anyway, he shows up, right? But instead of giving them the who's gal,

he's just wild about Jesus. And science proves how hanky Malonky Jesus is. Gee, that's Swelfrank, what a picture. Alright, now, what say we pledge allegiance to the flag and put this thing on paper? Can I have the rest of the afternoon off to recover? No, you cannot. Uh, banana oil. And we're back.

And we learn right away from the title screen that we're about to learn atomic physics from a Christian movie. So, fuck the fucking. I was immediately stoked when I saw this screen because this is the kind of 60s propaganda film that the Simpsons promised me. Yeah, exactly. When a cross and an atom are sharing screen time, you know, it's going to be good. I was so happy about it. Also, music note here, asbestos, the baby bottle of the future.

Yeah. Yeah. Nice little Saturday at Woolworth's going on with some asbestos bottle buying. And it felt just felt like a wholesome sitcom about Christian particle physics, like, you know, yeah honey is that my proton it's the city on the grow and this is where we meet our two teenage protagonists again this is made in the 1960s so the boy is 25 and the girl is 33 yeah the boy gets a name and the girl doesn't yep the boy is Joe and I think maybe his sister gets named eventually I'm not positive does anybody have a name and the girl doesn't. The boy is Joe and I think maybe his sister gets named eventually. I'm not positive. Does anybody have a name for her in their head?

No, and I watched it twice. So the second time was an hour ago. So rough. Okay. Well, a sister walks in and a brother is downstairs in their basement, fiddling with his electronics that we find out he's trying to listen to a Russian satellite transmission. I might not have been paying close enough attention. I can only remember that like the big headphones, but I don't know what he was like fiddling

with or what those headphones were attached to. He's listening for Sputnik. Great for Sputnik. That's what he's supposed to be doing. He's listening for Sputnik. Yeah. Like Sputnik was passing close enough overhead at this point. This is a, I guess a couple years after spot Nick launched so they were, they had radio signals

coming down from it. So you could catch them if you were good. Okay. Yeah. You'll have to forgive me because my knowledge of Russian space programs is limited. Well, no, it was a teenager when this came out. He assures us that all the cool kids were tracking Sputnik in their afternoons as soon as they got home from school.

I know. This seems like a very wholesome thing for a teenage boy to be doing with his time. I guess. Yeah. All things considered because he could have been throwing like rocks at minorities. That's I think the other actually they had in the 60s. That was an inner mirror of sport. Yes, we came bad to cut that from the movie when they panned over to his friends.

Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, he's listening to Sputnik and then their youth pastor or is he just their Christian friend? That, okay. So really the main conflict I had while watching this movie was trying to understand who was supposed to be adult or something. They're great. That's great. Great for them to have with this film.

Well, because the guy plays Fred is like 35 years old and so is the guy plays Joe who's supposed to be a high school student. Like they're all 35. They just don't understand that there are ages in the world and they just cast actors. They don't care. Yeah, it's very weird. Whoever he's supposed to be, he comes by and he's like, hey, we haven't seen you guys in church in a while and they blow him off because they're too busy. And Fred reacts to them saying

they don't want to come to youth fellowship like they're fucking his daughter. It's bizarre. It's pretty great. Well, and specifically from from the point of view of like, well, it takes up a lot of time and it's kind of old fashioned. He's like, what? Oh. Old fashioned. You're too busy for God. Yeah, that's cool.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine in the future. It's all good. And he's super passive, aggressive, about that. He's so passive, aggressive. At one point, he's like, is this because of that science club you're in at school? And they're like, I mean, yeah, you know, are the head of our science club, Sid Thorpe. And he's like, Sid, fucking Thorpe, there are eight million deleted takes somewhere on a cutting room floor where he calls Sid Thorpe

Jew. And this movie contains the one take where he did not call Sid Thorpe Jew. I like that Joe specifically says, I was talking to my friend, Sid Thorpe, you know, Sid Thorpe, our friend Sid, like, you know, not one of the many other Sidneys that we all know, specifically Sid Thorpe. This was 1960 heath. Every fourth baby was named Sidney or Herbert, and then they stopped and never did it again. Well, considering that the daughter sister character doesn't even get a name and we're full naming a man we have not seen yet is really indicative of how they view human women. And I love how the like the folly of the scientific hubris here.

So here are the scientifically hubris thing that Joe is going to say. Shouldn't our religious ideas stand up under a scientific approach? And either a thing is true or it isn't. And this movie's like, no, there's another thing between those two, yeah, it's all. It's what's interesting is basically every argument he makes is like something I would probably make in the year of our Lord 2021.

I'm like, I would like to base my life on things that I can prove and things that are physically there. And that's pretty important to me. But and apparently I could have made that argument in 1960 when my dad was 11. And still have like made a good dent there. Yeah. And been as ignored as the argument will be today. Yeah.

But Fred gets again, super passive aggressive mad about that argument because Joe mentions like, oh, at science club, which I go to, you know, we kind of have an idea that we should check on things with science, including the Bible. So, you know what, the Bible turns out to be wrong about like everything we check. I'm not trying to be a dick, but that's just what happens. And Fred's like, okay, well, the science experts that you get to talk at your science club, does that make them like authorities about things? And just like, yeah, that's exactly what it does.

That's what I mean. Are you learning, but in an angry tone of voice, it seems like you're just learning true things, but you're saying it, Matt. Well, I guess I've got to open the door before I walk through it. Okay, Fred. No, you know what? No, you don't. You're right. You do not have to do that. Don't check. Also, real quick, can we talk about Fred's tooth situation? He had a sour face is how I would. Yeah, very sour resting sour face for sure.

Rest in your face. He has teeth that make one think that they didn't quite get the balance of fluoride correct in the water for the first however many years they were doing it. Like he was in the like he got brainwashed, pushed, but he didn't get the good dental not the effects of the brainwash. But also maybe a few extra. Well, yeah, he definitely, okay, so maybe he got some of the advantages, including six extra rows of bottom teeth, like a shark. Like a shark. Yeah, exactly.

Which matches dead eyes. Yeah, exactly. He looks a lot like a shark, actually. Like a shark ate a sour pet's kid. You're picturing Fred right now. Like a shark turned to Jesus after a life of chumps, and now is like weirdly bossy about it, and you're like,

you can't do the chomp a bunch of people, and the shark is like, well I'm all about the Lord now, and you're not religious, so you're like, I don't know, man, you just seem like someone who's chomped a lot, and he's like, oh, we read this pamphlet. And anyways, do you have a minute to talk about?

No, no, no. I learned a chopper Jesus Christ Oh my gosh, just jaws, but when the sharp pops up, he's got a pamphlet a chick tract God if every time you're you're about to get talked to by one of those people it was like So yeah Fred storms through the door asks them to talk to the pastor, which means we're gonna head upstairs, we're mom and dad. Wait, before we go hang out with mom and dad, I would just like to posit a theory I'm working on.

So at one point, Joe says, I'm not gonna build my future on something I can't prove. And I would like to posit that this is actually the first act of like a Homer Christmas movie where you have the cynical city girl who refuses to believe in the match of Christmas anymore. Yes. So in this speech, I am going to try to theorize that this movie is in fact the out the rough outline of a modern day home art Christmas movie. Let's see how long

I can keep that bit up. Oh, the raw telling. Yeah, yeah, yeahmark Christmas movie. Let's see how long I can keep that bit up. Yeah, Hallmark. All right. Christmas romcom. Absolutely. I think that's gonna fit, which I don't want to brag. I'm an expert in. I'm minor in it. Any on comes science notebook. In the board. So with a framework all set out, we're going to head upstairs where mom and dad have some news. They're super smart. Science person neighbor George Cooper is coming to town. This family dinner conversation is the best. So it starts out there just like, oh, hey, Joe, how's your satellite tracker

going past the dinner, Jello? And so, you know, they're just doing like that. That's what they have on the table. No, they're having savory dinner jello very fairly savory dinner jello. Yeah. And then they mentioned that George Cooper's coming to town. He's making a super computer to prove that God exists. That's what the parents think because they are evangelical Christians. This is the first mention of he's best worse. They say, quote, he's going to put an electronic brain into the computer center. Again, that's a calculator. When he says electronic brain, it's like a 1960, that's an abacus, but bigger made of punch cards. But on the bright side, George Cooper is a distinctly gentile name. So, right side, George Cooper is a distinctly Gentile name. So, how to step away from me, any some metasism.

Yeah, no. They tried calling him like, Merv Freiberg for a couple of takes. For sure. Yeah, for sure. Everyone at the table kept screaming, Jew. They were like, you know what, after the first scene with Fred, we got to redo this. We were already pushing it with Sid. George Cooper, Jew. I'm sorry, okay, I'll get it this time. I'll get it this time. Now, I can hear, I just knew from before that it was, it was a nerve, something, you.

I also love at one point they mention how old George is. They say, oh yeah, he's pretty old now. He's 31 and I just wrote in my notes, how do you like that Jessica and Heath? Pretty old, if 31, you're over 31, whatever. I was gonna say, like this man is 40 and like, oh my God, 31's the oldest age I've ever heard of. Hehehehehehehehe.

And then we get an amusing anecdote about George. I was in love with this because it was really indicative of the way, like, not just this movie, but so many Christian movies don Don't know anything about science and don't wanna get like, drill down in too many specifics in Christianity because they wanna paint with a broad brush. So what we are left with is lines like

he tried to kill the weeds scientifically. He might as well say cyberly, like fucking Mike Lindell. Absolutely. What the fuck is, okay, I have so many questions, but the first is, what is a non-scientific way to kill weeds? Is it Sarah? Pray them away. Pray them away, which is what mom and dad have apparently been doing. Lane of hands on the grass.

It takes ages. The lawn is so big. on the grass. It takes ages. The lawn is so big. Yeah. So apparently George Cooper, the 31 year old genius scientist, when he was a kid, tried to science the weeds out of the garden and the families like, and then remember when all the toxic fumes came, came right into our house and we kind of got brain damage for a little bit. Anyway, classic humor. Christianity's awesome. My kid has four ears. You remember when George invented agent orange?

Is it gold? Don't you kids? It's a good thing. He's a the litamide baby. Yeah. And the other problem with George, I mean, that was super smart when he did the science weeds thing, but he never accepted the God of the universe. I think that's the problem.

And that's their dinner conversation again. That's dad just being like, he's an atheist though, so he's actually dumb. This is how unsudderly they introduce the conflict of this movie. Dad pauses after saying he blew up our yard with 1960s agent orange, and then he goes, too bad he's an atheist. I'm glad you kids aren't atheists and they shuffle back and forth guiltily in their chairs. And when he says, and by the way, this is the first time I had to pause and rewind and to be clear, this is a 30 minute film

and it feels interminable. Like, both times I watched it, I was like, okay, I must be almost over and I was 10 minutes into it and I almost jumped off my balcony and I live in a town hall I wouldn't even like die. I would just like spray an ankle real bad You're just like dammit. I can't get out of doing this now You still have to podcast with the spray My lyrics, I don't know how that works the dad said something so he like this is the first time I had to rewind and go back

Because I had no idea what was going on I just like zoned out for like 30 seconds and I went back and it's so fucking boring. And then I got mad at you guys personally. And then I wrote down this line, quote, I'm so thankful that neither of you got to questioning things the way he did. And that line filled me with such joy because in writing we have a thing called show don't tell. And this I would argue isn't the polar opposite. It is tell don't show. Just give us an exposition. Don't don't make the characters do any heavy lifting with their acting.

That's all of Christian cinema. And it's so good. We watch dad go through like all the phases of cognitive dissonance. He's like, he's probably so smart because he's stupid. How could somebody with so many brains be so dumb? And then he tries to Bible code. He goes, you know, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom. And it lands on the table like a fucking dead platypus. And he's just like, I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is the only point of science is to make you scared of God.

This is not helping. Why? There's a great moment. He's like, Dad, again, dad's like, he's so smart and yet still an atheist. I just can't reconcile that. And then there's a giant boss while the kids look at him. And finally, Joe's like, do you want me to respond to that? Okay. Oh, that was a thing. You know what? Just say your last sentence

again, nice and slow. Maybe you'll hear it. No, no. I do like, so we've kind of established our villain of this story. And the villain of the story is a guy who runs away from a religiously oppressive town and becomes a PhD and then comes back to the town to help its citizens. He's the villain. He's the prodigal son who got a PhD. It's a good point. The working title of this was actually Thought Loose, but they, you know, they were timing well.

So now we're going to cut over to the soda shop where Joe and Sid are commiserating about their parents being stupid as fuck. Listen, I know. He says, I know what you're going through to Joe. So apparently this, this other kid has the same problem like physics versus honor thy father and mother is like a conflict for him. Is that the teenage conflict? Ooh, see, I don't know. Parents just don't understand the fundamental flaws

of the Bible. Oh, this is the saddest version of Will Smith and DJ Jazz. He thank you. Thank you for understanding my Will Smith reference. Absolutely. Hey, listen, I understood it. I just didn't laugh that much at it. Okay.

Fucking take it easy. There's no way to make a Will Smith reference that isn't worthy of great laughter. So very good point. And I just want to say I really, really hope that there's a rap version of this being performed at middle schools somewhere in like the Midwest. Some crew was like, we got to do something punchy for the kids. And they did a 1960s propaganda movie and turned it into like a rapid, you wrap version of it. Yeah, that's

got to be happening. Yeah. And this is where cis joints them and she brings up the idea that they might want to invite George to come speak at the club. The science club? They have a science club. And this is when Joe's sister still unnamed, I believe, says, you know what? That's a great idea. I second the motion. And then science club guys like fuck you. It's amazing. This movie is going to a halt. So that so that Sid can be like, you're not in the club.

You have a fucking pussy and you know what? And she's like, I was just making a chill. You're right, you're right. Sorry. There might as well be a record scratch and the music might stop. Well, in the solution that this guy gives, this head of the science club, is that, hey, why don't you do twice as much work as any of our members, and then we'll allow you to be an honorary member And you're welcome. We'll pay you 70% how about that? How about that? You could be science clubs very special helper Science Betty Science auxiliary there you go

And she goes well, I know what I can contribute and I don't know if you guys had this thought But I was like she can offer to fuck George Cooper. He speaks at the science club because it definitely seems like that's what she's about to offer. It seems like you think that's what she's about to offer. Yeah. I didn't get that at all. If I'm being honest, that's just you. Gonna have to leave you out there hanging. Maybe I watch a lot more vintage black and white horn than you guys do. That's true. That's true. Okay. I'm sorry that I can't watch it unless it's through a slot. And I mean, inserting Nichols every 46 seconds. Sorry, real quick. Just one other thing about

the scene in the malt shop. Joe has a malt in front of him with a very big 1960 straw coming out of it. Okay, it does. He comes so goddamn close to stabbing himself in the eye with the straw in the scene. I couldn't look away from it. It just so many times I was like, it's gonna hit him in the eye. So close. It's gonna hit him. No, I couldn't listen to the rest of the scene. I was just rooting for an eye stab.

Like just while he was gesturing and talking or was he like, did I miss a point where he was just like banging his head against a table? No, just just talking. All space work. Yeah, space, he just got, he panicked and had to play with the straw a few times. He was so close. If you mute this scene, it looks like a ghost is trying to stab him through the table into the sheet street. The Joker is behind him being like, want to see a magic

trick. That's how the spacework of this scene goes. But yeah, she's not going to fucking, she's going to have him stay at their house. And Joe realizes, hey, if George stays at our house, maybe he'll explain science to their parents and their parents will stop believing in God. And I wrote in my notes, oh, you sweet, sweet summer shot. Oh, man. We also get one more moment of ridiculous misogyny where they're talking. He's talking with the sister and she's like, oh, you know what, let's invite the atheist mass

to run to live in her house. And the waiter of the malt shop comes over and just is like, shut up, shut the fuck up. And then he listens to a saxophone solo and old times saxophone solo. And he's like, I'll have a chocolate malt again because that's what we all get. Why did they put that in the...

I don't know why they kept that part. Him just screaming, shut up, hold on. I genuinely think they needed to hit that 30 minute mark. And we're just like, yeah, this is fun. This is 30 seconds that we'll get us closer to the mark. Damn it, Susie. If we don't have that scene where I order a vault,

we're going to be at 22 minutes and 34 seconds. We'll be a laughing stock, I say. Oh, so with that plan in mind, it means it's time to cut over to the kids, batting their eyes and asking if George can please stay with them and show them all that there isn't a God. Yep. This movie is more boring than the last movie I was with you. I did not think was physically possible.

And yet it might just be here. We are. I love it. He's like, they're like, oh, we'll walk him and we'll sacrifice a goat with him and join the Communist Party with him. Please, please, please. We'll feed him. We'll pick up his shit.

I'm proud. Come on. Come on him. Will pick up his shit. I'm brought. Come on. I'll pick up the science shit. And at first, mom and dad are a little bit skeptical. They're like, I don't know. It's that you bring science into your house. I heard that's like vampires. Is that right? Is it like vampires? Yeah, you have to invite science in your house. Otherwise, they can't

come in. Yeah. So they're worried. But they finally sort of agree to it. So science guy's going to they can't come in. Right. Exactly. So they're worried, but they finally sort of agree to it. So science guy is going to come to the house eventually. And I love dad's objection here. He like turns to the mom and he's like, you sure you'll be up to cook and clean and totally take care of another person. And at no point someone's like, well, we could actually help mom. And they're just like, yeah, mom, are you up to be a servant your entire life until the

moment you die? And she's like, yeah, mom, are you up to be a servant your entire life until the moment you die? And she's like, oh, I'll be fine. Yeah. At one point later, we see the daughter offer to help make lunch. And it's like the greatest favor she's ever done for anybody. It's ridiculous. At one point, there's still a tiny bit skeptical, but they've agreed to it. And the wife, who also, does she get a name? Oh, God no. I know, yeah, if the sister doesn't get a name,

the wife definitely doesn't. She's even less of a character. Anyway, she's a little bit skeptical and she's like, hey, husband, what if this George science guy corrupts the kids with molecules and shit or whatever he does, the atheist stuff? And dad gets all tough here for a second to be like,

no, I'm cool. Like I wish a scientist would say something against God in my house. I fucking wish you would. You'll see. She's like, okay, relax. We're having him over. We're going to have him over. Okay.

We're going to have him over. And then dad says, an honest search for the truth never heard anyone. And I was like, wow. Okay. So he's like, you'd hear that more often from Christian people. That's just another thing that I could hear any like contemporary Christian leaders saying. Yeah.

And it's 1960. We're going to be doing this for the rest of our lives. Just arguing the same bullshit argument forever. This is bleak. Do you hear Christian leaders saying that now? Cause like, I feel like they should be saying that. Like they truly believe it. They should be like, yeah, honest search for the truth. Let's play this game. We're going to win. We're going to beat science with it with a search. But they wouldn't. Yeah. Because I think what they have in their back pocket

is just intellectual dishonesty. So they don't have to play by the same rules. But I feel like I hear that rhetoric a lot of like, yeah, we're all just trying to find the truth. We're all just trying to find the same thing. We're just trying to reach the same answer. And if that answer happens to be that they're at the 6,000 years old and that Jesus died for our sins and so be it. Actually, you know what? I was just, I was just recently watching a map, Powell video. I don't know if you know who that is, but he's an evangelical preacher. And constantly he's like, I'm honing atheism

with facts and logic right now. It's all about the scientific method. And he believes it's on his team. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I really wanted him to be like, you know, an honest search for truth never heard he wanted. And then the wife is like,

so I was thinking about voting. And he's like, not that guy to truth. Yeah, like that. So now that we know everyone's going to be searching for the true capital T, she would have been voting for Kennedy there, by the way. That would have been terrifying for dead. Like an idiot. Yeah.

A Catholic. How dare you get out of this house. So now some time later, cis comes downstairs to hop scare her brother with the good news that George will be staying with them. Yeah, she shows up. She walks down the stairs to the basement, Joe's down in the basement, listen, he's got headphones on, he's listening to a satellite thing, and she's like, okay, should I tap him on the shoulder?

No, you know what, I'm gonna do an aggressive pop scare. She's just like, George is coming and wasting paper. Just space. That's what tense. Can we not? Yeah. Thought we agreed. You would just do taps on the shoulder, which I'm an astounding, we jumpy person. So the idea of somebody doing this to me is like, I would have jumped into the next room. I would have been very, very angry at my sister for doing this to me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm very unpleasant. And she gives him the letter that is apparently from George.

So it's like, yes, I'll come speak of the science club. And he unfolds it like it's a playboy. I mean, he is he holds it like arms length and he's up and downing it. Yeah. I got to be honest, several times in this movie, including at the very beginning, this satellite listener radio thing is treated as if porn by the movie a bunch of times. The carrot Joe's like, I wasn't listening to physics.

Like, let me cut that one. I mean, that tracks, right? Of like if everything is a sin, the no sin is worse than the other. So like, in their mind, them talking to a scientist is just as bad as like jerking it to a 1949 playboy Yeah, those are classy playboys. Well of course and this is of course where the kids start to have their doubts

Siss turns to the brother here and she's like I don't know should we have made a smart person educate our parents? I don't want to hurt them with the Tata true Which spoiler alert will be with the to to to true which spoiler alert will be with the rest of this fucking movie is about yeah well and that's the thing is like this movie is called teenage conflict all I see is two teenage adults but to do to do to do something trying to to gently educate their parents, like they're not yelling at them,

they're not calling them stupid, but they're like, oh, my parents are old-fashioned, but that's what every teenage 30-year-olds says about their parents. But they're just trying to, like they're good-intentioned, they seem to be, they have concerns about what their parents believe

and wanna make sure that they have well-rounded evidence in front of them. I'm not sure if these kids are supposed to be the villain, but they sound like really nice kids. They are, yes, you're absolutely correct. They're super nice kids. They're absolutely supposed to be the bad guy. The end of this scene is Joe saying, we should help mom and dad become better people, right? Yeah. The bad guy end of scene. should help mom and dad become better people, right? Yeah. The bad guy end of scene. The message of this movie is like, can you believe these kids wanting their parents to learn things?

Asshole. Right. It's genuinely like if you grew up across the street from Neil deGress Tyson and he was coming back to your neighborhood and you had parents who were anti-vaxxers or whatever. Now that's his areas of these believe in stars. They didn't believe in stars. Thank you. Obviously, that was right there for me. And invited over like a well-respected world-renowned person who your parents have a personal relationship with already like I guess it's at worst kind of manipulative, but at best just a nice thing to have educate your family. Hey, but it also shows so much about the Christian worldview that like, hey, Kans, you might find yourself in the position to accidentally teach your parents things.

Don't you fucking do it. Yeah. Like, science is lurking around every corner trying to pants them. God, they made a movie about this. Like, this isn't a casual thing. They were like, no, we got to warn people against the dangers of exposing their parents to boring space bullshit. But this isn't like big bang cosmology

refutations of the column, collage, melodical argument. This is like, you wanna see how an electron works? And they're like, I'll fucking kill myself. Your mother will shoot herself in the mouth if she learns how an electron works. Well, isn't it so like indicative of the entire Christian worldview? Is there always afraid of a hypothetical thing happening?

Their worst fear is hypothetically somebody might come in and say, hey, I think evolution is real. No, whereas the rest of us are like, well, I don't know. Your theological beliefs are meaning that I have limited access to like reproductive rights. And they're like, yeah, that's fine. But what if one day somebody comes in and says to my six-year-old, God isn't real, what am I supposed to do then? And it's like, well, that hasn't happened.

I don't care what you do then. I don't care. We're doing my thing. Yeah. And that brings us, of course, to the problem of, as atheists, the literal last thing I want to talk about with Christians is their religion. If I'm at dinner with Christians that I know and they're like, so atheism, I'm like, let's talk about how we fuck, huh?

I'm a big fan of reverse cowgirl, huh? Because then she gets to do the work up top and I get to just sort of chill down bottom, literally anything, but this, please. You like Harry's pockets full of props for that situation. In case he doesn't have a reverse cowgirl speech, he's got very distracting things. That's your tricks. That's your tricks. Yeah.

I have said so many times throughout my time podcasting and writing and whatever that, like the least interesting thing about you is your Christian, is your religion in general. And that's not to be rude about religion. I just do not find your religious beliefs that interesting in terms of a conversation topic. Like if that's how you want to live your life, go nuts. But the idea that if you invite me over to your nice Christian household

and I'm going to sit there over pork roast and be like, so you believe Jesus was dead for three days and then came back. And what do you think about that? That's a sign, typically impossible. What about the holes on his hands? Like, oh my God, A, it would be the worst. B, I do that conversation all the time anyway.

Involuntarily, we do that conversation involuntarily for a living. It's so weird that they would do that. Like, at dinner and be like, you know what? I was binge reading the Bible again. Let's talk about it. No, what? I literally have a standard speech. I need to give to my wife's Christian friends so that they don't even test the waters

about atheism. I'm like, hey, why don't we not talk about this because this is a thing I've studied a bunch and I don't want to make you upset. And then 40 minutes later, they are crying and someone is mad at me every single time. Yeah. I have made two, oh my god, I've made two separate strangers cry in public because they want to talk to me about their Catholicism specifically. And it's not that I mean to. It's just I need you to talking rapidly and like having supporting thoughts and arguments and they're just a kind person trying to tell me about their religion or the flip side somebody kind of

bludging me with their religion. And then I say the wrong thing and then they cry. Now I'm the bad guy for making a strange woman cry in a bar. This is a true story that I'm telling. And it was part of a work function. I, That's right. You're like a superhero just discovering their power for the first time. I hate it. Oh my, it was exactly like that. It was exactly like when Rogue first like tries to make out with the boy and fucking kills him,

except for like my super bar, they make- So you suck out there, except weeping instead of dying. Yeah, I make this cry and run to the bathroom, which really makes me sound like a bully. I'm not. I want to be very clear. This was like an hour's long conversation that she was happy with me. And it was, there was alcohol involved. That's all we need to say. You didn't start it. I did not start it. Like that's not a bully. I'm rogue. I have superpowers.

I can't. It's not my fault. Being an atheist is like having a world where everyone's constantly punching you about the face and neck and the Supreme Court like makes it legal to punch you in the face and neck. And once a year, you're like, I wish you'd stop punching me in the face and neck. And everyone's bones fall out of their body and they're like, how could you?

My grandma died. Yeah, and I want to be clear, it's not that I think, I'm not speaking for you guys. I don't think atheists are like oppressed widely and largely like there's some weird shit people have said but like Just this idea that just who I am is gonna hurt somebody's feelings sucks Yeah, yeah, it's it's like someone's like, oh, do you like Game of Thrones? And I'm like, ah, you know, I like the early seasons and the last season though and then they start weeping That's what it's like to be an atheist I like the early seasons and the last season though and then they start weeping.

That's what it's like to be an atheist. The last season for amazing. You're an asshole. My grandmother was generic. She died for you. Exactly. So now youth pastor guy from the beginning is back to find out what all this nonsense is about, about inviting a science to the science club is about.

And the only reason I want to mention this scene is because it could not be more obvious that Fred has been at home practicing how to have a fight with Joe and his sister. And this scene is it going terribly through. You might as well have a telemarketers flow chart in front of him for how this is going to go. And it doesn't go how he likes it and he's flipping through. He has no to do. It's pretty great. Yeah. Yeah.

That gave me such flashbacks to working in the call center. How I'm setting. Oh God, tough. I had that job for a summer once, yeah. So bad. At one point, he's like, oh, so what does this George fella do?

And he's like, he's building a brain inside a calculator or whatever the fuck it is. He knows science stuff. Yeah. And then without pause or transition, he goes, how does he explain away, God? This man chose violence immediately. Oh, yep. And Joe's just like, you can come and ask him how he explains the way God.

If you want to flip through his book again, and he's like, nothing, fuck you in Fidel. I will then I will. I will come in then. Good day, sir. It is literally fighting words, the invite to a lecture. I'll come to that science lecture and I won't learn anything.

You couldn't teach me shit. I will never learn from you. Do you hear me? Never. He might as well scream, never, and jump out the window with a parachute. I kind of want to sort of take a step back and ask you guys, did they? Did you notice anybody saying any words besides just science? Like do they say technology?

Do they say physics? Do they say, but like because genuinely I was trying to pay attention and they're just using science as this catch all for everything that's not religion. Oh, absolutely. I have, I have George, whatever his name is, as George science throughout my notes. Because that's what he is. It's just science, the evil thing. Well, and what's amazing is it's a movie about fans of science wanting other people to

learn science written by people who have refused to learn science to the point that they make movies about refusing to learn science. So their science is like, he makes brains for the computer and science at the science club. That's it. All right. Bye. What other thing on this scene? Because we're in the malt shop again for the second time.

The malt economy in America was fucking booming in 1960. Everyone could buy a penny stock and a chocolate malt. Oh, was malt like invented in 1958? And that's why that's all anybody can say. We're witnessing the malt boom. Yeah, malt malt was like a side product of fluoride. So they just had to sell it in a love and place. This is the bath salts of the Elvis J.

Yeah. So like whatever, whatever, you know, Dow chemical just had eight billion tons of malt. So it's like how five years ago, every drink had to have pomegranate juice in it. That was that with like malt, malted beer. The best candy bar you could get was a baby rooth. It was a different time.

I was similar time. They're doing like pyramid schemes with it, also known as multi-level marketing. Right? Right. Right? Nice pun, bud. You did it.

Congratulations. I'm shares of malt. I tried really hard not to laugh at that, but that was good. Why would you try to do such an asshole? Because you didn't laugh at my Will Smith thing. I added to it. Oh my god, Jessica. I'm sorry. I should be fair. I didn't laugh at it. So you're you're free to withhold laughter from any one of my excellent jokes from here on out.

I would do that to you, Jessica. You're my best friend. Jessica, will you tell Eli he's You're my best friend. Jessica, will you tell Eli? He's no longer my best friend. Jessica. Okay, I'm going to do it. I am the new of all of these men are too dramatic to be on podcasts. Yeah, Jessica, will you tell Eli to move along? You tell Heath that it's time to transition to interstitial too. Daddy will you tell these boys to shut up? Yeah, she's not doing it. She's asleep. You're lucky. She's gonna come at you with the fire with thousand sons.

Daddy just so everybody knows is a 75 pound part pit bull and I love her. She is the best. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, basically all of these post pictures of her, don't worry. There's plenty of media to be had. Okay. Well, I'm pretty sure they just cut out several slur words that we don't even know anymore for atheists or Jewish or something. And that means it's time for a quick break. And then we'll be back with more a teenage conflict.

Hey podcast listener, you know, here on God Awful Movies we like to do our ads with funny sketches or songs or characters, you know, to make it worth your while and keep you from hitting that plus 15 second button because hey, you might be driving, eyes on the road. But sometimes we get a new sponsor who's so excellent that the first time we have them on the program we just like to tell you how cool they are. That's why I'm psyched to tell you that we're working with FitBod. As a fat person, it can be hard to find the time and energy to work out, especially now that I'm a little bit older. I mean, not as old as Heath, but I'm also not 20.

Wait, yeah, glad we worked that in. Thank you. Thank you. And the truth is, exercise is an important part of your physical and mental health. But, if you're like me, you don't really have any idea where to begin. The internet's full of crazy people who want to look like a stretch arm strong full of bowling balls. Personal trainers can be super expensive and the fitness world can be well,

not super welcoming. You know, I once had a personal trainer telling me he needed to be 120 pounds. I did have that, yes. See, now it's a running thing. It's he feeling at the ads. So call a cross the show's baby. It's a lot of buzz about this. Yes it is. People love this, me yelling from off it's he feeling at the ads. So call across the shows baby. It's a lot of buzz about this.

Yes it is. People love this, me yelling from off side, if they're the thing. They do, they do buddy. So FitBod is an app that creates a fitness program that continually adapts with new exercises and dynamic intensity that adjusts how you're progressing. So you'll be challenged to meet your goals at your own pace. No equipment, no worries. FitBod has body weight routines

for those looking to get fit at home or on the go. And FitBot is super easy to use. Even as HD video tutorials to make learning new exercises a breeze. Plus, it integrates with other fitness and health apps, like Apple Health, FitBit, and Strava. So your cardiologist can stop staring at you like you're on the game show password

and fat is the whammy. I don't think people are going to get that reference. It's contextual. They'll get the reference to the older. It they'll get it. Probably not. Out of context. And the best part is, FitBod is only $9.99 a month or $59.99 a year.

Plus, sign up now and you'll get 25% off your membership. Pick up the pace on your fitness journey with FitBod today and your future shuffle, thank you. Get 25% off your membership at fitbot.me slash cam. That's 25% off at fitbot.me slash cam. And hey, while you're at it, friend me on there. You could see how many push-ups I fail at. Don't friend me though, just Eli.

Okay, why can't they friend you? I don't want them to know how much I squat. Is it cause it's a lot? It... No. Are you sure science, McScientists, will be on the up and up with Mom and Dad? Why sure, sis. He's a real straight shooter. You know that. That's him.

What the bitches, guess who's here? Not God! That's for sure. Right. Science about that. I wanted to talk to you if that's okay. Sure thing, Nick. I'm not God. So you can talk to me. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. It's about mom and dad. I think they might not be able to handle the whole atheism thing. And mom's been in a real state lately. Yeah. So would you mind going a little easy on the atheism stuff? Well sure thing pal. I'll try Say is that science I hear oh, hey, Mr. Romali. How are you? I'm good. I'm good say science

Are you still up for that sex with me in the wife tonight? Oh, you got it for sure Fantastic hey, I'm mighty grateful. It's actually called a devil's threesome. Nick, you go to your room. I won't have that kind of language in this house. But you, it sounds like you're gonna do it. No, but upstairs. This is not how I expected this to go. And we're back. When we left off, Joe's friends were calling the house on American activities committee hotline

to get him blacklisted for communist physics. And now we're gonna go back home with mom and dad. And we get some bad news. Mom has some kind of lady cancer. Yeah, whoa, dad comes in and he goes, the doctor says he needs an exploratory operation. And I know that those are still a thing, and I know that they're not what I'm picturing,

but I am just picturing a doctor like running a scalpel from mom's forehead to her big toe and just being like, I'm gonna find it. Oh, now here's your problem. You're an actor room. I don't even get about everybody feel, feel this dimple right here. You feel that? Yeah.

That's that's one eighth? That's one eighth. That's one eighth. One dot, one eighth. I'm a doctor. Yeah, problem is, you're not pregnant. And of course, Joe and, and unnamed sister character, they just feel so bad.

They're like, oh, mom, gosh, I'm sorry to hear about your lady, I did. But like, it's so, so she says there's an exploratory surgery, but does not say, is it in her eyeball or in her butt or in her tummy? Like, usually you at least say like lymph node. No, no.

Lady body cancer. This is Lady Body Cancer, 100%. This is 1960. You told your kids that the doctor had some news and then you died the next morning and you're rocking chair. And then she stoically, like the good housewife and mother she is is like the doctor told me to rest, but instead I'm going to ignore what he said and do exactly what I've always done. I'm going to vacuum four times a day and make you huge meals three times a day.

I wrote in my notes, oh, I'm not dying. I just need to faint on my fainting couch more often. Yeah. And this is when dad is like, all right, well, I'm not dying. I just need to faint on my fainting couch more often. Yeah. And this is when dad is like, all right, well, your mother just needs a little bit of cancer rest and, you know, of course, a series of professional hand jobs. She'll be fine. You kids should make dinner three times total, entirely total, to help with the lady cancer. Three dinners and she'll be good. And she'll be good after that.

I think I think the doctors had three dinners and she'll be good. And she'll be good after that. I think I think the doctor said three dinners worth of rest. Also, the doctor put her on a special diet. Is that a cancer thing? Yep, yeah. Like, if I have a tumor, is my doctor gonna be like, you should cut out carbs? You got a in 1960, they were like grapefruit, mango steam fruit and pomegranate,

assi and malt. You need a lot of malt too. They didn't know what assae was in the 60s. And then again, to touch on the theme of the movie, mom goes to like faint honor, fainting couch or whatever. And dad like hugs both kids and he's like, don't you worry? God will help us face everything ever. And you both believe what I believe.

Don't you kids? And they're like, yep, yep, totally. Yeah, we're here. And this is when the kids are like, you know what, what if we tell the super smart atheist he can't come live here? And mom's, mom's like, no, no, I'll be fine. I will actually play the cancer card against the atheist

and I'm gonna win that and it's all good. My cancer has made me strong for rigorous debate. Yeah, exactly. And she's like, oh, also I have a real quick cancer speech. God is looking out for us. Well, okay, except for my cancer right now. I guess that's a weird, it's a weird thing for me to say right now. You kids might wonder why God gave me cancer. Me too, fuck. Jesus, wow. I thought this was going to go better when I opened. I thought I think of something on the moment.

Oh, I fell. I fell and tripped on the problem of evil just now. This is tricky. Well, you vacuumed that up, Susie. So when she comes back from the doctor and says, Hey, the doctor used science to take some tests and he was worried about the results of those tests. So he's going to use some further science

to just dig in to see what kind of cancer is up in my arm and still still somehow this is an anti-science thing like what point is this movie making because they know that doctors use science, right and like surgeons I would say specifically use science, right? And like surgeons, I would say specifically use science. Yeah, even 1960 doctor wasn't like, yeah, well, I prayed a little bit. I don't know, fuck you. Yeah, I've seen the Nick. They just like so somebody's armed to their face and call it a day. Exactly. Yeah. Sorry, that was a really obscure There's an excellent no, no, there's like six listeners who are loving that We need that and then there's a

Then diagram of the six listeners who liked the Nick reference and the three listeners who liked my will Smith reference And the ML there's one guy in the center of that who this is his favorite episode There's one guy in the center of that who this is his favorite episode. So yeah, mom's got cancer. That means Joe is moodily staring at his space radio and darn it. He's not sure if he wants to learn things anymore. Now that mom is sick. I guess I don't understand the point this movie is making. Like are they implying that?

See, okay. Can I like punch up this script a little bit? Please, I dare you, try. Because what if they had said, mom was one of the radium girls and now has cancer as a result of that piece of evil technology or just exposed to some sort of radiation that caused a tumor or something like that. So at least we have any weight on the side of science isn't good because they do an okay job of saying, God is good and important.

They do the thing of she's only hanging on because of her religion and things like that. But at no point do they explain besides the agent orange grass. That's what I was going to say. I was just about to say I've just blown this movie wide open. Her cancer is from George Cooper's agent orange grass. Oh my God. They set themselves up to have a better movie and they just missed it. But do you know what I mean? Like they I do I get the message of here's why religion is important because it gives this morals and it gives us something totally not when we need it. Fine.

Ryan. Why does that make science bad? It is very unclear why this movie is so terrified of learning things. And again, I can't emphasize enough that like they did not know generally world view destroying stuff for a mainstream Christian at this point. This is not the big bang. This is not the reputation of the existence of Adam and Eve, though obviously the theory of evolution was out there. But like this guy is going to come and talk about computers. If knowledge about computers shakes your faith in God, you

had a weird faith in God to begin with. I mean, that's totally like, you know, we all have jobs or whatever you want to call this, where we read stories like this over and over of somebody saying like, this kid learned about evolution and now their parents are furious and this is happening. And like, I don't know what, what are we doing here? Like, why are you so threatened by science? Because there are plenty of examples of scientists who are Christians and do believe

in those the kind of things you do. Like, they're setting up this false binary that simply doesn't exist. Yeah, spoilers, spoilers, they're gonna really dig down to that binary. But they're doing that wrong because they're going to set it up as if science and Christianity don't conflict. But yes, they absolutely do. They could have gone for the softer thing that you're describing there. And they would have been fine. And science could have been good to some Christians. But no, no. But yeah, the point of this conversation

is that like, now that mom is sick, they never really thought of her as a person before, right? Like somehow they never realized that their mom had internal life. They thought she might have been a robot or an automaton. Right. And they're scared that science guy is going to like embarrass mom dead. Like science guy is going to,, he's gonna throw the problem with evil in mom's face when she's got cancer. So they, they have to cancel science guy showing up. That's the fear at this moment. Not just that. They have to secretly cancel

it because they can't tell their parents why they're canceling science guy because science guy will kill their god. Oh my god. That's the plot movie. Like, is it because Christians are told a proselytize and that's why they assume atheists are also going to just constantly talk about atheism? No, it's our religion. Yeah, it's our religion of not believing in something. There's an uncut version of this scene where he's like, you know, he's gonna declare their marriage in valid

and take him to the Supreme Court. But. So meanwhile, mom and dad are upstairs you know he's going to declare their marriage invalid and take him to the Supreme Court. So meanwhile mom and dad are upstairs reading the Bible back and forth because this is before we told married people about fucking so there's reading it back and forth. Also, they show us a clock and the our hand is wrong. Like in 1960 had they not figured out like the smooth hour hand thing? But like, I don't think they quite had it yet.

Oh my God. For some reason, we should have described this kid's basement where he listens to satellites. He has a wall of like time zone clocks. And so we're zooming in on the fact that it's 8 PM in Bolivia. Ha! Yeah, no, it's a bowl of a clock, I thought. Oh, is that what that is? Yeah, it doesn't say Bolivia.

It says Bolivia in your notes because you just wrote something close to what it said on the side of the clock, which was, I think, a bowl of a. I thought it, so it's not a wall of time. Why does he have more than one clock then? We just see one clock here. I just assumed because it said Boulevard, that that was Bolivia. Okay. What is Boulevard? Does everyone know what Boulevard is? I get old guy. Is that like your favorite brand, old guy? I think that's a old guy thing in any way. I think it's just the name of a company. Eatin.

You're like, yeah, bull. Bull. Bull is a watch company. It's definitely a clock made by Bola. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious treat for all ages. Yes. Thank you. Important corrections.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is amazing. Well, on that for a second, I would just think about it. Okay. So I'm wrong about the clock saying which makes this movie. Let me say that was one of the only interesting things about this movie. So now we have to talk about the light. Why did you think it would have a believe what just a Bolivia clock? No, I was like, oh, he's got a wall.

You know those news scenes and movies where it's like a newsroom. And it's like, ah, it's 8 p.m. in Bolivia and 10 p.m. in Hong Kong. Yeah, I do know that. I thought this kid had one of those. Just for Bolivia though. I'm looking like Bolivia's time zone because maybe Bolivia is the same time zone is like Moscow. Yeah.

It's definitely not. And listen, listen. We are wishing. We're trying to find some content here. I heard it was a content. You would work with me for a fucking second. For a second. Maybe laugh at some Will Smith jokes.

You fat bitch. Jessica. Yeah. Will you please tell Eli that he is the fat bitch and not me. Listen, we can all be fat bitches. All right, we're all fat bitches. That's locked in. I like that.

Okay. So at clocks aside, clocks and time zones aside, mom is letting us know that, you know, now that she's got maybe lady cancer or at least has to have an exploratory operation. She's really getting into Psalms, you know, just really into psalms. And I wrote in my notes, mom is going with the most basic bitch of Bible passages. She might as well read love as patient love as kind of a wedding. Yeah. Well, this is the 60s before any of this was cliche.

I guess. Yeah, her cancer was kind of hurting. So she's reading Psalm 23. That's the one that says, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil. Take a look at my life and realize that. Oh my God. I was dying for them to break into my mind. It's gone. Thanks for the record. Heath does have in his notes. I am rooting so hard for her to bring into gangster's paradise. Yes, I was.

I, God, my husband and I were just watching a movie recently where somebody started reading that and he and I both just like yell rap for the rest of gang's just paradise. And then we had to rewind it because we forgot to pay attention because we're saying how much of the song we could remember. Oh, that's pretty good. We're extremely white in this house. I think there's two kinds of shouting that song. There's the people who go into gangsters paradise

and there's some people who go into weird house Amish paradise. Amish paradise, yeah. I'll go back and forth between those two actually, yeah. Woo. Yeah. Interesting. The mom of things step my mind is gone.

Go ahead. But just because the kids are coming up the stairs, they hear mom saying that facing problems without God is hard. That's why they need to cancel science guy. So everybody in this family wants to cancel wants to disinvite science guy. And yet, they're just trudging forward out of spite for each other. What's fantastic is it's like this weird 1950s, early 1960s mannerism thing. Where they're like, you can't invite someone to have a house

and uninvite them, we have to burn down the house or kill Joe Hodgkin, make it look like an accident. Oh boy. And also, like I did not grow up in a Christian household. Is this the thing that Christians actually do is like just sit and read the Bible to each other? I guess.

I don't know. I grew up Jewish. We certainly don't read the Torah back and forth to each other. It's just the things like I've rewatched superstars three times in the last like four months and I'm really embarrassed about that. But the fact that there are some people who just read the same book over and over and over out loud every night until they die makes me feel a little bit better about my viewing habits because at least superstars pro union.

I read Harry Potter to myself. So it's totally normal that I read it over over about 10 years. My husband and I watched the Simpsons every night to fall asleep. So there you go. And to be fair, we did talk about the Simpsons a lot. So maybe it's not that they just believe in this stuff really hard. It's just always in their noggin. Nice. Yeah. The Bible is the office to Christians. Yeah.

Exactly. Oh man, there's a lot of comparisons there. They can't stop quoting it. Uh huh. They ignore the problematic elements of it. They think it's the substitute for personality. The British one is probably better. There's only been a lot of connections this year on God-of-all movies. We're patterns-eeking people, you know? But this conversation about Psalms ends with mom being like, so I don't even get, like, what do people do about having cancer without, you know, a living faith in the living God?

And then they pan over to Joe. He's like, in the next room listening to this. And he's like, mostly medicine is what they do about the cancer. Should I jump in and correct? No, I'm not going to jump in and record. No, no, no, no, no, this isn't the time. This isn't the time. It does seem like they really want to know that.

No, no, no, you know what, I'll let us. Read the rip, does seem like they really want to know that no, no, no, you know what? I'll let us read the rhythm. Dad does these rhetorical question things every time I answer it's not a good idea. He never really wants me to answer. I had note to self look up what rhetorical means. And then one more time we're going to cut back to the kids who realize that they can invite George to the house now because he won't just insult his parents. He'll kill their mother with the knowledge of science. And they show us this by aggressively clearing the table.

It's so good. Of milk and butter was their meal this time. They didn't have the savory. Milk and butter was their meal. They had glasses of milk and a stick of butter. Did people used to drink milk with meals? Yeah, that was standard, I think. Still do.

People still do that. Yeah, we're really? We've had a milk cater to on this podcast where people do or do not drink entire glasses of milk as a refreshing beverage. Yeah. Oh, I mean, oh, no, no, no, no, and I'm in the Midwest. But you're in that like pocket called Chicago that's like sort of not really.

Yeah, but we have a lot of Midwest sensibilities. When was the last time you had popcorn mayo salad? Popcorn mayo salad is not a thing, is the problem with that. Yes, it is. It's a thing, heath has brought it up on the last four out of five of our podcast. Herifying and it's real.

Stop thinking about it. It's a matter of hers. So, the way to think about me is that I love mayonnaise. So, I really wish you hadn't said that. Because now I'm just going to dwell in my brain until I inevitably try it and love it and then become morbidly obese because I have no self-control.

I have a girl in the farm clip to send to you when this recording is over. Oh, shoot. I meant to send you guys a picture of my dog during the break. Damn. I did that later. Oh, please do that. But yeah, the kids are so concerned during this scene in the movie. I legitimately, and I want to know what you guys thought.

I legitimately thought they were going to plan to murder or otherwise wheylay George. So he didn't kill their parents' fame. Right. The point is here that like if they tell Science Guy to not actively debunk Christianity to cancer mom, he's going to be like, fuck you, nothing happens when you die. Good luck with that cancer. That's what the movie's telling us. Exactly. Well, they're just presenting this incredibly low-stakes situation as extremely high stakes. And that just feels like a shortcut around lazy writing.

But there's a solution, there's eight solutions I can think about the job of my dome. Just like explain to the guy that's a situation. Ask him not to specifically talk about religion. It's a really touchy topic in our house. Disinvite him and everybody's fucking fine because he's a grown-ass man. He can probably find a place to sleep. Like there are solutions on the table

that aren't like panicking in the kitchen over your butter. And like try to make a sneaky, like, oh, how are we gonna covertly disinvite this guy without, I mean, that's not even hard to do. Just call the guy, say, hey, we had a family emergency like my mom had cancer, so please don't come. Tell the mom, oh, the guy called and canceled, like, there you go. We solved this.

We got you a room at the Howard Johnson's, you get some orange ice cream, it'll be great. The best part is they literally have an excuse, which is that their mom is sick and they're like, what will we say? What will we say? And it's like, well, your mom's going to explore a Tory surgery and they're like, we need to put a car bomb underneath this plane. They have that. He's not going to acknowledge that she's a real person with feelings because she's a

woman and all she's meant to do is make us dinner and clean our house. If we tell him that she has cancer, he's going to remember she's a physical bean with hopes and dreams of her own and we can't have that. Exactly. All right, well, it looks like it's going to be science just in general, science versus, well, science and cancer versus God. So, HuffHanger. Wait, do you think they're implying that the only reason she thinks she has cancer is because we have the technology to detect cancer and she would just frankly rather not know and die in slow pain.

No, no, no, no, no. I think it's like an old dance. I think it's like a Schrodinger's cat thing. And it's science is fault for looking in the box. This film is shown to doctors about not telling people when they have cancer. Yeah, I think that's what's happening. Science and cancer versus God. There we go. But before we find out what happens, we're going to take one more

quick break and then we'll be back with what I'm certain will be a very much intellectually honest conclusion of a teenage conflict. Well, hey, there, Heath. What is the matter? Oh, hey, internet. The guys keep making fun of me for turning 40. It's kind of bummed me out. I bet. Well, would you like some anonymous medical advice in the form of a Tumblr post on Facebook? No.

No. I know you're normalizing that kind of thing under the guys of awareness or self-care, but it's actually super dangerous and contributes to the stigma around mental healthcare. Yeah, I guess so. Well, how about some Christians pretending to be a mental health resource? Nah, that's like the third most evil thing. So, no. Say, Internet, you don't have any good mental healthcare, do you? I sure do. Have you heard of a better help? What's better help? What? No, no, do you? I sure do. Have you heard of a better help?

What's better help? What? No, no, absolutely not. This is stealing. No, it's a callback. Callback to the other end. He is right. That's a pretty good callback. Better help will assess your deeds and match you with your own license professional therapist. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional therapy done securely online. Wow, mental health advice from a medical professional.

That sounds great. I'm off to set it now too. Plus, BetterHelp has a broad range of expertise available, which may not be locally available in many areas. So if you need a therapist who is secular, trans-affirming, or queer-friendly, they can help you find someone. So question, what if like a, you know, a certain point-stealing co-host, I don't like my therapist? BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, so they make it easy

and free to change therapists if needed. And BetterHelp is more affordable than traditional offline therapy and financial aid is available. Plus, God Awful Movies listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. Alright, where do I sign up? Well, BetterHelp.com slash awful. That's better H-E-L-P. I've joined the over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. All right, no, I'm in. Brad, are you forgetting the help you need?

I don't steal a segment! I don't know, man. People are talking about it. No! It is no buzz. I haven't heard any buzz. People are loving this. Okay, I call this meeting of the Christian Science Club to order. Here's his name. Now, as you know, we try to keep our speakers and meetings only to Christian topics in science that doesn't fill with religion.

So, who should we get this year? Well, uh, say, what about a biologist? I don't know. They might start talking about evolution. Yeah, that's fair. Oh, they can't have evolution. Oh, okay. Oh, what about an astrophysicist? Maybe.

As the one we could invite who won't say anything that would conflict with the stars falling out of the sky during the apocalypse or the Earth and rolling as God creates it. Ah, yeah, probably not. Yeah, I don't think so. For a good point. Huh. You guys just wanna invite a guy to talk about Eugenics again? Ah, yeah, probably not. Yeah, I don't think so. For a good point.

You guys just wanna invite a guy to talk about you, Jennings again? Yeah, you Jennings, that sounds good. Good, good, good. They're here in a row. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Hey, thanks so much for coming on the show, Jessica. No problem, guys. Hey, why don't we've got you and feel free to say no

if you can't spill the beans on this. Would you mind sharing some of your friendly secrets with us? Right. Friendly secrets? Yeah, yeah, you know how like you and him and are on friendly atheists together. They're like, how do you make that work? Yeah, friendly. I mean, we talk about religious news, just like you guys do unscathed. Right, right, right.

But how do you do it? Friendly. Friendly. Exactly. That's ridiculous to me. But how do you do it? Friendly. Exactly. That's ridiculous to me. Can you give us an example? Yeah. Okay.

So let's say Pastor Greg Locke says something horrible. Right. He looks like a testicle that got arrested at the January 6th. Right. That's a good testicle. Good point. Right. See, you don't say that when you're telling the story.

Okay. But like, we imply it it, like Greg Locke who looks like he should be hanging off the body of a man about to tease him as he tries to steal a painting like that. Like we would say it. So I don't kind of imply it. No, no, no, no. You just don't compare him to a testicle at all.

What? Oh, cause there's a better insult. You got a better one. Oh, okay, but I thought the testicle was a pretty good one. It is pretty good. You can build one. No, no, no, you just read the news like pastor locks at X Astrolocks said X exactly fuck his face fuck his face. Yeah, you know, why don't you guys stick to the skating thing and we'll stick to the friendly thing I thought it was good. How do you not say he's a testicle though? Yeah, I don't get it. Just look with your eyes. Yeah.

And we're back. When we left off, an atheist was on his way to the house to yell at Cancer Mom and it was too late to stop him. And now he's finally arrived at the house and he's taunting Mom about the afterlife in the other room or so we're led to leave. He comes out George comes out and Joe sees that like, oh God, he's already inside the house. He turns into a horror movie for a second. I genuinely thought Joe was going to side tackle George and be like, no, Jesus is real.

Don't tell my mommy. Yeah, that's the tension we get. But George walks back out of the kitchen and he says hi to Joe here. And we learned that George, back when he was the neighbor kid, taught Joe, quote, all those marble trick shots. Now, I know this is like completely unrelated to the plot of the movie, but they have trick shots in what is marbles, in fact, I realize I don't even know

exactly how that I know you flick Marbles and there's like a circle and you knock some out or whatever. Yeah. We need our resident old guy here because Noah would absolutely be able to tell us all the marble trick shots. Oh, I bet he would know how the marbles were.

Right. And he'd know which ones were good and which ones were bullshit. Jessica, have you ever played Marbles? No, I went through a short jacks period when I was a friendless young person. That's the bouncy ball and you grabbed the metal jacks from the ground. Yeah, you got it. You got it, my friends. That one I know how to play.

You bounce it and you see how many jacks you can pick up before you catch the ball. That's the game and And I was not gonna let me throw this out there about jacks because jacks is a wonderful game in that when you play one and two, you have this like nice little hand motion of like, wow, but then as you get into the higher numbers, you just look like some kind of cartoon Italian trying to pick up spilled meatballs. I'm sorry. It really turns into a excuse me. I have to say I have Italian and that's a pretty accurate depiction of how I pick up my meatballs. Exactly.

I was about to object, you know, on behalf of the Italian people. No, no, no, I'll represent the entire Italian people here. No, I have a list of its nestedies that I'm still allowed to make fun of, staples to my computers and this is standard stereotype that Italians are really bad at quickly picking up metal objects. I pretty fucking love that. They're meatballs, yeah. Exactly. Okay, whatever.

So, Marbles, Jacks, they're definitely playing both of those games in 1960 and they're killing God with science. You like, go ahead. And Joe tries to distract him. He's like, oh, hey, speaking of that, why don't you come down into the basement and help me with the satellite tracking gear. And mom for a second's like, oh, don't bother George with that. We were just about to talk about the Bible and I got one of them to be like, tackle again. It's wonderful because he's trying to cover

it like George has drugs to sell him, right? He's like, I have questions about science and not God, not God, I don't want to talk about that. Not concerned about God, not a problem. I have to ask you these questions in a different room though, please. No, just George, everybody raise your hand if I said your name just now. Great, everybody with their hand up come with me.

Yeah. Everybody without cancer is allowed to come into the basement for the science job. Everybody who's been named in this movie is not downstairs. But mom gives in and she's like, okay, but George don't molest him.

And George is like, all right, scouts on her. I won't. So now we flash cut. This is so lazy. This movie is now we flash cut to George having explained the stupid plot of this movie and asking George not to kill mom's god. And I was so mad because I really wanted to see the conversation which I was like, hey,

George, I got to ask you a favor. Could you not tell my mom any new things? Yeah. Uh, the thing is like this all, if you, if it's in the certain kind of light, none of this is even a conflict, let alone worthy of writing a movie about like, hey dude, can you chill on this thing? Yeah, I know, problem. That is this movie.

Look, but this movie hasn't even been revealed. And yeah, why would I upset your mother in a conversation she didn't bring up? Because at this point, George might as well pull off his face like a mission impossible movie and go, don't you see I've been religion all along. I yelled Bingbong at my TV at two in the morning when I was watching this. I was like, here we go, Bingbong. Yeah. So clearly, Joe was like,

hey, can you pretend that there's a God for my cancer mom? And George Science was like, no. But let me finish my big reveal. That's because there is a God. I'm a super genius. I made a supercomputer brain. There is in fact God. That's the big twist here.

Yeah, and he goes, I know this is surprising because I know things, but I'm religious now. And he's like, oh really? Why are you religious? And he's like, well, being an atheist in the 1960s, he's fucking sucks. Who the fuck are you? Yeah.

He's in there. I lost so many jobs. And then Joe keeps arguing back. He's like, no, no, but you said science and religion contradict each other when you did that interview. Remember that? And George science is like, no, no, no, they took that out of context. I said science and religion won't agree until both sides are nicer about it.

Yeah, I wrote in my notes, I said religion and science conflict until science surrenders to religion. Well, I also like that he is quoting himself off the top of his head. Like he has this locked and loaded and I kind of wish I made myself a few pithy quotes. I could just had my back pocket and like, and like not just say them and pretend I made them up

but quote myself like, you know how I always say Religion in the eye Science in the brain big bang Guys I was not an improviser. I was a stand-up. I'm sorry. That was garbage If you would like to buy your religion in the eye science and the brain t-shirt we are selling it for a very Reasonable price. What do you think my brain was trying to make out of there? I think it was a sex thing. It sounds like a sex thing.

I'm sure. Yeah. Okay. Sure. It's a sex thing. I'm finding this. No notes. No feedbacks.

No. But this is where we're going to get the like apologetics lightning round. Oh boy. Oh boy. My friends, these are 1960s apologetics. These are unshaven. The flesh, a lot of them still, if somebody said this quote today in the shape of a 20, you know, a 2021 person, I'd be like, yeah, that sounds like the same thing they've been saying for my entire life. And apparently something Pastor Locke says when he's crying outside the doors of the Dunkin' Town, that's the little lit of it. Yeah, so one of those terrible apologetics was,

there can only be one ultimate truth. That's what George Science says here. And like, I don't even know what that even means. That's not like, what are the second tier truths in your head, if even if you're trying to say God's the only one to, but there's not other true things. Yeah. He keeps saying things that are very obviously true and then being like, but actually, no. So he does too. He goes, I grew up believing in proof, but not anymore. And then he says, a fact is a fact or it isn't.

And then he's like, no, no, it's not. There's a middle of factiness, I guess. There's a, he has a spectrum. Now he's seen the light. He has a spectrum of factualness that he would like to tell us about. Yeah, I will say the one thing he said that I was kind of unbored for is he said there's, there can be more than one approach to truth, which I think is sort of a nice way to put things in theory until, you know, you kind of shine light on it and realize that one of them is just making shit up and the other is like verifying it.

But like, I think it's a nice thing to say to Christians to make them feel that they're also part of the science game. Yeah, I guess there's more than one approach to building houses. There's hammers and nails and there's shitting and wishing that a house grows out of your butt. Yeah. I mean, there's like science and then like Christianity is like shaken bake helping on the side.

Like if you could just not get in the way, that'd be great. You can pretend you're in the same room. I don't know, but Joe argues back. He's like, okay, but, you know, I thought a fact is a fact. Isn't truth binary? And George sides like, no, it is not binary. I'm a super genius. But wasn't that just a binary statement about the truth just now that he made in response to the question isn't truth binary?

Yeah, when he gives that answer, I wrote my notes. Truth isn't just from your mind. It's the friends we made along the way. And this is where we get, I got to say, it has been a while since someone has tried it out this apologetic in one of our movies. Do you love your mother argument of these? And he even messes this one up, right? Because the whole thing is like, oh, you know, you can't prove that love exists or whatever that it means. And yes, you can. But he messes it up. He says, you can't measure how much you love someone. And I'm like, I mean, you probably could. You probably could. And also self reported.

I would like to quote the great Tim mentioned and say that love without evidence is stalking. He also explains that there's more to the world than real stuff and that that stuff is just as real as the real stuff. Almost exact quote. Fucking argue with that nerds. Tell me how that doesn't fit in your little tiny box.

And Joe comes back to him and goes, okay, but how can you prove it's real? And he goes, there's a ton of proof. His first piece of proof God speaks to your heart. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That if you believe in Jesus, you know that the things you believe about Jesus are true. But again, this doesn't refute science.

No problem. Well, that's the next apologetic point is that Joeose like okay but what about the conflicts between the bible and science and george is like oh um sciences wrong sciences probably wrong scientists used to think the world was flat a boy that'll chestnut uh... this is where i wrote my notes i keep zoning out why did you make me watch church it it it it it it all of the examples he gives of scientists being wrong about space stuff are things that

scientists believed because of the Bible. Right? He thought the world was flat because the Bible indigate what? Yeah, they thought the sun revolved around the earth because the Bible indicates that the sun revolved around the earth. He's saying science is bad because we need to do more science. That's nonsense. I mean, but like, honestly, the argument of, well, science is real, Huckham science keeps changing is not only like a bad argument, but it's really,

like a troubling look into the, like into the intellectual capacities of a Christian apologist. Because what they are saying to you at that very point is, I do not care what I see or experience or what happens to me or what anybody else says. I'm going to believe this thing until the day I fucking die and nothing you can do will change my mind. And like, that's not a great stance in life, arguably. Not just nothing you could do to change my mind, but when people discover true things, I will assume they are doing them incorrectly until they match my world view.

Oh, well, I mean, that's just, oh boy, that's what being a woman and podcasting is like. Anything I say men will be like, it's probably wrong. I'm just not sure why. And then we get one of Ray Comfort's favorite arguments. I got a little nostalgic here. The banana. Oh God, I wish it was the banana. No, it's the banana. You can't make a complicated thing by chance. Therefore, the universe was created. And the example George gives of this, he's like, you know, this satellite listening rig. And he's like, yeah. And he's like, what if you took all the pieces and shook them together in a box, they would not make a big satellite listening rig. Would you? And I wanted so badly for Joe to be like, I mean, if you shook the box for

eternity and the natural laws pointed all the pieces to forming a satellite listening rig than yes they would, but he's just like, gosh, what a great argument. But like, it's such a fundamental misunderstanding of evolution because the screws and nuts and bolts and other sciencey things don't have agency and aren't being hunted or like trying to create, like trying to survive. They're just inanimate objects. They know that like even bugs aren't inanimate objects, right? Like to say that evolution doesn't work because it's like as if throwing a nut and a screw at each other and hoping they twist together. It's like, well, I don't know if them twisting together

means that they probably won't die, then maybe that would happen, but that's not what we're talking about. Like a machine isn't an evolutionary bean. They know that, right? You have to know this. I don't know that they don't know that. And if you shake up a box of words,

you will get hamlet eventually. But if you shake up a box of words, you will get hamlet eventually. But if you shake up, like you said, you know, animate evolution stuff gets shaken up for billions of years. You do get literally hamlet. You get will you be the shits, and you get fucking hamlet. We experience it. And we literally get shaken up from time to time. There's earthquakes.

It's literally true. You do get hamlet that's so gross. You actually do get ham, get a literal Francis Bacon's hamlet. That happens. Francis Bacon's hamlet. Oh boy, I'm sweating from laughing so hard. Sort of where I am. All I wanted at the end of this was was for Joe to pull off a mask like Scooby-Doo and

George science is Ray Comfort dressed as a artist. Oh, I want to, I thought you were going to say he pulls off the mask and he's been Fred the whole time from the beginning. I know you don't listen to Joe. It's a shark all of a sudden. He just starts flopping around. I'm just curious if a Christian person, like an artistly Christian person watch this today, because to me, this feels like the exact same bullshit is I've been like reading

about, like the apologics I've been reading about my whole life. And I'm very curious if I got in like a, you know, a hashtag true believer if they would watch as me like, yeah, this all stands. I just agree with none of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting when you can watch a black and white film and your worldview is reflected, isn't it? They have to, they'd have to be like, yep, this still,

this holds up. This is a great movie than a no. Yeah. And he concludes this little section. George does by explaining that the meaning of life is believing in Jesus. And I was talking about this before the record a little section. George does by explaining that the meaning of life is believing in Jesus. And I was talking about this before the record a little bit. I don't know why I've been having a bunch of realizations lately on this podcast. But like when I watched this movie, I realized,

oh my gosh, that's actually what Christians think the meaning of life is. They think the meaning of life is to read a 3000 year old book about a Palestinian rabbi and then just be like I'm psyched about that dude until they die I was I my notes literally say that's so stupid. I'm staggered by how fucking stupid that world view is yeah Your job is to watch movies about this world you. I know, but apparently it took 200, however many of them, it took 300, and however many of them before that message got across. It's break you. All right.

So with Joe fully convinced of God existing based on those four really badly constructed apologetic arguments, it's time for our final scene and the family is gathered around, because darn it, they learned something today. We get a little more of the sitcom music and this is a great ending. I laughed a lot in this final scene.

So they all walk downstairs to the satellite radio thing and they're all asking like, oh, did the satellite prove that God's real? Did you listen to Sputnik and Sputnik's talking to God? And Joe says, okay, well, I still can't hear anything. And then dad is like, I wanna try, and he does hear something because he moves the one dial to the hearing part of the dial and he hears something.

And I was like, oh, is it God? Can we the audience hear it? Please, we cannot, we cannot. And then mom tries. And she's like, I can hear something too. So apparently there's, what did they hear? What do you think they heard? So well, this is the best part.

What they hear is beep, beep, beep, because that's all sputting, it was putting out. So these people are losing their minds about a beep, beep, beep from space. I just identified a really big hole in this script. Oh, did you find it? Take us there. Take us there. We've done an inconsistency in this script, Jessica.

Not to say the rest, too, it was airtight. Sorry. Please just realized. I just realized that their conclusion is, oh, we can hear Sputnik. Was anybody doubting that Sputnik existed? Like, we're not like, what the fuck are they talking about? We know Sput. Like, we know there's a satellite up there. We know the Ruskies put it up there.

Like, it's not like they saw like a speciation between two, two kinds of mosquitoes. They just saw a, like, it's literally like if some, if one of them was like, Oh, I can, I can hear pilots talking to each other. I guess flight is real. Like that wasn't up for debate at any point. Oh, but you know what? This movie should have been about a telescope that they couldn't get working. And then at the end, she's just like,

I guess the moon is real after all. Well, 1,000 times better. Because all they had to do was like, oh, I hear there's supposed to be a shooting star at this point and at this time. Oh, we should all try to see it. And then how would they know? Well, it's old knowledge.

Well, the Bible is old knowledge. No, this is different old knowledge and it's based on scientific fact. Well, the Bible is, and then at the end, we all see this shooting star or meter shower or or or burlale, or whatever. And everybody's like, wow, science is beautiful. That is what this movie should have been. Not is sputnik real. Right.

So the movie ends here by saying, like the message they're giving us is, Sputnik was talking to God, right? Like Sputnik had to get a little bit closer to the firmament or whatever, and now God's up there talking with Sputnik over a radio. I don't know. Okay, I'm so glad you said that because it's the line mom said.

She's like, I wonder what they're hearing out there. And then Joe has like a nodding like a, oh, I think I know what they're connecting with moment right. It does very much seem like they're like, I wonder if Jesus is giving them pointers. Do you think Jesus lives in outer space like an alien? No, this would be it. That would be a Mormon movie, Jess. Yeah.

Mormon hadn't even been invented in the 1960s. I know that's not true. Don't have me. Or it could just be God talking to the mom been like, sorry about that cancer. That was my bad. My bad beep beep beep. This is awkward, I didn't think I was gonna see you here.

Sorry about that cancer. I'm gonna do something super mysterious, I promise. I'm gonna return this into like a really cool, mysterious way. You're gonna have a dope deathbed revelation. It's gonna be out of this world. I would also like to speak briefly about the dialogue in this, in not the dialogue, but their use of idioms specifically.

Please take us there. They say two things that make me think they don't understand how language works or something. First of all, he said, I was way out of orbit, which isn't an expression, but it's sort of a science pun. And then, three different times characters say, oh it's sort of a science pun. And then word play. Three different times characters say, Oh, he's going to talk your arm off several times. That's not an expression I have ever heard. It is definitely not. It's very confusing. The expression is I'll talk your ear off because it's what you use for the listening half of a conversation.

Your arm shouldn't be that involved in your conversation unless you're an Italian like me and you use your hands. You can't even pick up jacks. No ridiculous. Pick up jacks with your ear like an idiot Italian. You spill your meatballs exactly. Okay. Full circle.

Okay. Well, full circle. Okay, well, that's the end of the movie, I guess. So what was the teenage conflict? This is another question I've really been praying about. It's really been in my heart and mind. Okay. And I genuinely do not understand because the primary conflict is unrelated to them being teenagers and it's not a conflict between teenagers unless you're talking about our main

guy in shark face. Right. But that's, I would call him our big bad. I would definitely call John Scienceman our big bad bad bad. I don't know, y'all. I genuinely don't know what this, I don't know what this was about. And I've watched it twice and it's only a half hour. And I do not understand it.

See, I was going to say the teenage conflict is whether or not to tell your dying mom about electromagnetics. Yeah. That's a hard one. I guess. But even then, the electromagnetics are not going to shake her fate. I'm just so confused about everybody's concern. Maybe the whole problem with this movie is they think their mom is a fucking idiot and

are protecting her. And she's really like, no, no, it's fine. I'm a 19, 60's housewife. I'm doing my best, but I just have these things that help me along. They're like, don't give mom any extraneous information. Her head will explode. Yeah. Don't teach your mom things or she'll die of cancer.

But teenage conflict. What's next? She's not going to wear pearls back. You mean I'd never. All right. Well, I think that's going to do it for a review of a teenage conflict, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet. We've got another terrible movie for next week.

Eli, what's on deck? We'll be watching Elizabeth's gift. It's the story of a ghost daughter's mission to get her parents to start a foster care about Jesus. It's unclear from the trailer, but there's definitely a dead kid in there somewhere. All right, well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring the episode to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Jessica for joining us. and Jessica, where can everyone hear more from you? You can find me every week on the Friendly Atheist podcast, which drops on Fridays usually or another podcast I'm kind of wrapping up right now is Cooper Dupor. It is a Twin Peaks podcast. I did it with my husband that is, yeah,

my husband is a like die hard Twin Pe peak span and I've also seen it and We got forward About a month into quarantine and so it's just an episode by episode breakdown of what twin peaks is about and it's meant to be It can be for if you've seen it a million times or for you're trying to watch it for the first time and peace What's happening because it is a the fuddle in show, but we just finished season three so they're all up there for your because it is a bustle and show. But we just finished season three. So they're all up there for your Benjane pleasures.

We're going to move into some David Lynch movies. But it's just something that's really fun, and I'm really proud of. And you're talking a Ridge Twin Peaks, like 1990 Twin Peaks, right? But we did. So we did the first two seasons, and then we just finished the return,

the 2017 third season. Nice. Okay. Which is crazy. Fantastic. And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful. And then I'll get you early access

to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out by leaving us good reviews and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating atheist, citation needed, the skeptic rat and DND, available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions you can email God off of movies at gmail.com, legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of Pianjotores. Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slonic, a evil drafts on Mars. All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used

with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week, for Jessica and Eli on Heath, promise to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, leave you with the animal house close. God created the science that is healing your mom, but not that other science. God's first words to Spotanyk II and the human race were Is that a fucking burned-up corpse of a dog? What did you just do? God killed these children's mom with painful colon cancer, but at least he did it without her ever having a mildly unpleasant Conversation about religion Sorry about that.

I drank, I inhaled a little bit of coffee, what I took. No, give me a second. Okay. Morgan, please send me that audio. Absolutely, do not send the Zoolander coffee. Do not send a Zoolander coffee. That should be the intro music for this episode. Morgan, how dare you even consider... Morgan, excuse me.

Did you have the black long bud? I'm sorry. Who's winning the match? Okay, here we go. Rollin, rollin. I was there first. First. Nope. Nope. Nope. I don't know. I was clearly there first. Me though. Jessica. Who is there? I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. I did it. Did you decay? Oh, I wasn't paying attention to you guys. It was my own thing. Tough foot fair. That was me. All right. Yeah. Nice. Jody greases me. Dottie. Sorry. Got that third. That was me. All right. Yeah. Nice. Jody greases me.

Jody greases me. Sorry. Got that third point. Just one second. I have to murder my dog really quick. Hey, Jody. The irony of that bit is my catchphrase on the podcast is fuck that guy. Hey, hey, hey.

I guess it's not that friendly. There you go. No, I'm not. You brought some not friendly to the friendly. Yes, very good way. That's important. That's sort of my my role there. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC,

copyright 2021, all rights reserved.