God Awful Movies - 319: Brigham City

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

This week, Cara Santa Maria joins us to end Mormon Movie Month not with a bang, but with a whimper. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us o...ut on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcast Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 But this gives him time to slowly polish each of his blitz and one by one put them back into the gun that's not quite put together yet. He's adding peace after peace. Yeah, he could have just literally west could have just reached out and grabbed like a spring. Yeah, right exactly. And he won his boss. He's like no. Not a working it anymore. Oh, I do. Give it back. Give it your... I'm taller than you. I will get it. I will get it.
Starting point is 00:00:50 Not awful. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the gamcast where each week we sample another selection for Christian cinema because we just can't help it. I'm your host, Noah Luzon. Since it's 700 miles to my immediate left, it's been a good friend, Heath and right, Heath. Welcome back. More than movie month.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Yeah, almost done. Almost done. Yeah. Now unfortunately, Eli checked out a little bit early. He's unable to join us today, but in his stead, we're happy to welcome back our special guest, Mescus, Emmy award-winning science communicator, Cara Santa Maria. Cara, welcome back. Norman movie, man. I'm always excited about the noise that's about to happen when you get to
Starting point is 00:01:40 the sad, disappointed noise that we all know. This, this is a long one too, guys. Two hours of this shit. Two hours. It was like basically edited like a scathing atheist episode. It was like two hours and four seconds or so. So that quite is good. But yeah, all right. So tell us, Heath, what two hours will we be breaking down today?
Starting point is 00:02:00 Well, two hours and four seconds. I mean, I take it seriously, guys. We watched Brigham City. It's the story of Wilford Bremley's mustache. I'm trying to cut your plus like a murder thing. I wasn't paying attention to this. I'm just in my back. Bremley is a Momo.
Starting point is 00:02:16 If I knew that, I forgot it. I feel like I knew that and forgot it, but I found out it could. I did not know that. It died last year in Utah somewhere, yeah. Oh, I'm sad. It wasn't diabetes. did not know that. Yeah. Yeah. Died last year in Utah somewhere. Yeah. It wasn't diabetes. Right. We all had diabetes in the fucking pool.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Oh, so many times in our notes. I bet you it was diabetes and they were like, we can't do that. Yeah, we can't say absolutely. We have to cover some of these to shoot them in the face now or whatever. All right, Ed Cara. how bad was this movie? Well, if you like watching grown men ugly cry while choking down flesh bread, I feel like I'd like to be you're overselling it.
Starting point is 00:03:00 If you like watching grown men ugly cry while choking down flesh bread, you will tolerate this move. Okay, yeah, there you go. Or you are Mormon and you will love that. Well, you have somewhere between tolerating love this one. There you go. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one from being the best at being the
Starting point is 00:03:17 worst at? Oh, yeah. For sure. Best, worst. Quick draw. Which to be fair was a slow draw? It was a black laughter while this was happening. It's so long.
Starting point is 00:03:31 You just slow draw. You're just waiting until you have an excuse to shoot this motherfucker. Oh my god. I could have stopped this many times. Oh, it's not true. We will get there. Oh yeah.'s not true. We will get there. Oh, yeah, spectacular clothes. If they meant that to be funny, this is a genius thing near the end of the movie.
Starting point is 00:03:51 There are a couple of things in Act 3 of this movie that I could say that about. Yes. Uh-huh. So I would go with best worst red herrings, okay? Because ostensibly this is a who'd done it, right? But it's a guy in the hat killed the other guy in the hat. It's completely random. There's like, there's no, there's no clues. It's just a random group of people and you pull one out of the hat and it turns out to
Starting point is 00:04:16 be him. And so the way that they offer up red herrings is to like, they'll just show a character staring off in the distance and they'll play like creepy music box tones or something, right? Yeah, yeah, I mean, like could could me this guy? He looks like a peto. It's just a lot of pedocasting. Yeah, right. All right, I'm going to go with best worst bread.
Starting point is 00:04:44 So, yeah, I think gonna go with best worst bread. So. There we go. Yeah, I think they mentioned this earlier, the choking down the flesh bread. So yeah, we got a couple of Mormon church scenes in this movie and they take it really seriously. They, you know, it's like a solemn moment and they pan over to the crowd and they're sitting there very, you know, religiously. And then there's the moment where they're going to do the flesh spread thing that they do,
Starting point is 00:05:10 their version of the sacrament, right? The commute. The commute, yes. Yeah. So they pan over and there's like, it's so serious. There's like silver trays literally and virginal young kids with like velvet white robes angelically, like about to present. But you know, this is just what it's like. That's real. that's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
Starting point is 00:05:35 very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, pull off the like, it's like steamer traces, like fancy silver. They're like spit-olishing it. And then you finally pull up the top of the silver tray.
Starting point is 00:05:49 And it's literally wonder bread. Yeah, it's actually literally wonder bread. And they're like tearing it up and they're like, Jesus bread, Jesus bread. So this is legitimate, like, it's so funny. I didn't pat a night at this because that's just what it's like on Sunday morning. That's all of those things are real.
Starting point is 00:06:03 All of those things are real. It's like they weren't to feed ducks wrong, right? Like that's, yes. You feed very fancy ducks in their, in their Sunday baths. That's, that's amazing. I think the uncles might have confirmed this for me once too, but I filed it in my head as like, no, okay, they were exaggerating with a literally wonder bread getting torn up in that situation.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Like for ducks. No, it's like everybody ace religion looks so fucking weird when you don't know it, right? Oh, that's that's that was my first clue towards atheism. All right. Well, tell you what, we've got a lot of weird lingering shots on the other side of this break. So we need a minute to steal ourselves, but we're back in a flash with all the dusty bullshit that is...
Starting point is 00:06:46 Brigham City. Hey Noah, whatcha doing? I just workshopped some new slogans for our sponsor this week, Adam and Eve. What do you think of this one? Adam and Eve. The relentless pursuit of erection. Hmm. A bit derivative, plus not all six involves a dick.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Okay, good point. Okay, how about Adam and Eve? Finger, lick and good. Pretty sure that one's taken. Plus, I don't think our listeners are gonna need a slogan to remember to buy their fuck stuff from Adam and Eve.com. Not only are they the industry leader, but they're a generally good company that does important philanthropy like funding sex education in underdeveloped countries and getting
Starting point is 00:07:23 condoms to places that need them most. Okay, yeah, that's pretty good, but is it as good as America runs on Spunkin? I feel like it's better. Philistine. Plus right now our listeners can get almost any one item for 50% off and then Adam and Eve loads on the free stuff. They just enter the code awful at checkout and get 10 tantalizing free gifts, a sexy item for him, a special gift for her, which is oddly head or normative copy for such a progressive company, and a third item you'll both enjoy, if there's
Starting point is 00:07:54 only two of you. And six spicy movies. I do like spicy. Plus free shipping. I like that too. That's awful. A-W-F-U-L Offercode, awful at checkout at Adam and Eve.com. Adam and Eve. What's in your butt? Okay, that one's pretty good. Right? Welcome to the first Ryder's Room meeting for Brigham City. Zah!
Starting point is 00:08:17 Awesome. Alright, so we're going to do a gritty, Mormon murder mystery. Any ideas? Ooh, what about a serial killer in a small Mormon town in Utah? Okay, but, hmm, people don't die in Utah. Sorry, don't they? Don't they? That's incorrect.
Starting point is 00:08:37 We're going to agree to disagree, but regardless, we can't show any serial killer stuff. What are we called? Methodists here? Right, sorry, yeah. No, don't? Methodists here. Right, sorry. Yeah. No, don't even have hat magic. Yeah, not at all. So we have not met at this.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Um, okay, okay. What if we don't show any of the killer stuff, you know, we just tell you in the movie about the killer stuff? Yes, yes. Tell, don't show. That's what I learned in film school. Tell them. Tell them school.
Starting point is 00:09:04 That's what I thought. Good idea. But is that gonna be gritty? Well, well, it is if we tell you it's gritty. Right. Perfect. Make a note, use word gritty. I like it. Nice.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Okay, so how is Mormon God involved? Oh, oh, okay, we do Mormon stuff like a adjacent to the plot. Like also do that. Well, all right, but what's a good Mormon thing to do with a gritty murder mystery? You think? Oh, oh, wonder bread? Wonder bread, love it. That's a movie good meeting meeting adjourned nice Love bread
Starting point is 00:09:51 And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna start off watching our hero wake up at length. It's that kind of Everything's it's a little longer than it needs to Just a lot longer a lot longer. I mean he didn't shoot up out of bed impossibly. And that was nice for you. Okay. Right. You know? All right, yeah, I didn't realize he did me a favor,
Starting point is 00:10:11 but he did. But we learned that this is the sheriff, but he wears a leg brace and he studies the Bible. Yeah, it's like, is this a polio movie? I was so confused. Did they ever address that? Of course, they do later when they talk about the light and the chute, and he was so cool. Did they ever address that? Of course they do later when they talk about the white and the chute. And he was so cool.
Starting point is 00:10:28 They don't have directly addressed it. It lets you do a little of the notes. Okay, I just not. No, but I do get it. At least this movie has things like strings, like threads that you can put together later. At least it has foreshadowing. It has internal consistency for the characters other than one very important character.
Starting point is 00:10:50 All right. So it's like check off scone and then later, they're like, hey, look, it's still check off scone on the wall. Look, look, good. Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's, look, that's the level of filmmaking that Kara has come to appreciate after doing
Starting point is 00:11:02 like whatever 17 of these ones are ever. Oh, my bar is so low now that I'm like, I'm watching a movie that they like paid somebody to pay. Right. Wow. Wow. This was a film with a budget. It was.
Starting point is 00:11:16 It was. It was $1 million in box office in 2001. Wait, what? Weird. Yeah. Only in Utah. Well, yeah, exactly. Totally. I think so many Mormons went to the movies that week.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Which makes it even more impressive. It is actually. Yeah. Very impressive. So he's waking up. He's got leg braces over his cowboy boots. He's got a revolver. All the cops in this movie, by the way, have like six shooters, which is where it's 2001.
Starting point is 00:11:40 That's the rules. It was really hard to figure out when this movie was. It was set in the modern day, or it was made in 2001. It's the rules. It was really hard to figure out when this movie was. It's set in the modern day or it was made in 2001. It was set then, but yeah, it was kind of hard to tell at first. Also, I think my most uncomfortable opening scene here is that he sits down to eat breakfast and he eats a banana like a fucking psychopath. A banana. How did he do it? So a banana comes in its own wrapper. Sure. Right. And you unpeel it and just put it in your mouth. That's how a banana is eaten. Yep.
Starting point is 00:12:12 But he takes a full-sized plate and a knife and does the thing where he's doing the the one-handed banana cuts where the knife goes up against his thumb and he just slides it to these slices. But he's not slicing it into yogurt into cereal. He's just slicing it onto the plate and then putting it in his mouth. It's like a whole step that's completely unnecessary. That's terrifying. I didn't remember all these details. If I had caught that, I would have been like, you're murder or you're a killer.
Starting point is 00:12:40 You're not a serial killer. Oh, he's butchering the banana, which is all I could think about later when we'll get there. He references how much he has a taste for blood. Oh, you're right. That's true. Right. He's murdering that banana.
Starting point is 00:12:55 He is. All right. So, yes. So, he eats his breakfast, studies his Bible. He leaves his house and he has a little small talk with his adorable neighbor who is fixing her fence at the time. Oh, right, right. Yeah, she's kind of hot. Yeah, she really is.
Starting point is 00:13:10 And she's like, come on, don't get, now I feel like I'm going to get murdered now because you talked to me right in the same sentence he references baptism and companions of so Mormon. Like this whole movie gave me the worst PTSD. You guys have no idea. Okay. So that was real. Like they talk about it. Like they talk about those stats of like baptisms and whatever. Like yes. Like they read a box score in the paper. And it's just like bantering about it. Yes. Because that's the whole point of the church, right? And evangelical religion. The whole point is to fellowship and get people saved, right? To
Starting point is 00:13:45 the extent that they go through records of dead people and then baptize them. Right. Sure. So he heads to work. This is where we meet Terry, his young partner cop, or as young deputy, he's the sheriff. And we also meet Terry's wife who is a Mormon. We know because she's pregnant and holding a baby on her head. Oh, and she's wearing puffy sleeves. Well, that too. Oh, yeah, you don't wear sleeveless clothes really. Oh, that's important. I mean, you can because no, you can't. I think, gosh,
Starting point is 00:14:21 see, I never got to the point of wearing them, but I'm trying to remember my parents that garments are short sleeve. They're not sleeveless. Oh right. Yeah, you got to cover up your magic underwear. Oh, the, the, the spestos, the fireproof stuff, the fireproof bulletproof underwear that Joseph Smith was wearing when he got shot to death. They probably shot him in the face is what it is. Anyway. So Wilford Brimley is there at the office. I love us wrote. I hope he says diabetes. When, when he's gonna say diabetes, Wilford Brimley is a delight in this movie. Yeah, he really is singing his mustache is on point. Everything about. As soon as I see him, all I can think about is Tom Cruise dropping out of the ceiling
Starting point is 00:15:08 in the firm and beating the shit at a Wilford. Oh, or Wilford. He's always the punching bag and never the puncture. Right. Now, so Wilford Brindley's character, he is the retired sheriff that just can't stop coming into work any way, you know, I don't get this.
Starting point is 00:15:24 This feels like a violation of like, how's this legal? Is it getting paid? Right, yeah. It doesn't work there, but he's there every day. He's getting paid for both. Also, I feel like he just goes there and harasses the woman that works there, the secretary or dispatcher, whatever the peg is.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Yeah, he just sings really loud and she's like, I can't focus and I'm trying to solve crime. Right. Non-existent crime, but still. But yeah, but his, they play him harassing her as like a running gag in the, in the movie. We also learn here that Wes, who is our main character, the sheriff is also the bishop. Now I have no fucking clue when it comes to Mormon titles. How high up is
Starting point is 00:16:08 bishop? Bishop is the guy. Okay. So one thing that's important to know probably is that there are these things that they call callings, which I'm sure are just like weird. It's just like with profits, right? They're like, I talked to God. So everybody needs to follow me now. They're these like self-referential titles, but Bishups who can only be men, by the way, is the guy who basically runs that ward. So there will be a church. Let's say there's a city, and the city's divided up,
Starting point is 00:16:37 kind of like redlining. So they divide up the city into wards, which are like different districts. And then let's say the city has three churches, but nine wards. So three wards will meet at one church, three at the other, three at the other. And so that means that they'll have different meeting times for church on Sunday and four or even at the activity string week. Each ward has its own bishop.
Starting point is 00:17:00 So he's the guy. He has an office. The people come, talk to him. He's kind of like the local priest, but the difference is. It's assistant to the regional manager. Right. The difference is in the Mormon church, nobody gets paid. None of this is their job.
Starting point is 00:17:15 No, they don't get paid. No, they all have day jobs. So like the bishop, it's a quote calling. So he's doing that on top of doing his job. And he'll do it for a certain amount of time. And then somebody on top of doing his job and he'll do it for a certain amount of time and then somebody else might get the calling and they'll take over, which is why later when they release somebody from her like secretary duties, they say, yeah, because it's a calling as they call it, which means that they've volunteered
Starting point is 00:17:40 to do it. It's all volunteer. Okay. Speaking of which, this is actually where we meet that woman, right? She shows up at the police department. And she's like, Bishop, I need to confess since to you. And he's like, I'm actually being paid on the county dollar. Like that would be illegal as all fuck. And she's like, pretty pleased. He's like, okay. All right. And then I love how she's like, and could you also remove your gun please? And he's like, and could you also remove your gun please? And he's like, oh, sure. But also completely pointless.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Her whole plot line did not matter. Nope. What was she stressed about? They don't tell us. And then later, she's like, gets released from her position and then she cries a little and you're like, I don't understand why did this happen. Yeah, I didn't even notice that was the same person. But yeah, none of this matters what's happening right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I need to confess
Starting point is 00:18:28 sins and he's like, okay, she's like, you need to take off your gun and he's like, what, how bad are your sins lately? Actually, you know what? I'm being a cop right now. I guess if you confess a crime, that makes sense, but I feel like I can hold my gun. No, you said don't. Right. But then we cut it immediately to her leaving. And he's like, well, those sure were some sins by, and we never, yeah. So, and then they give fucking Wilford Brimley more shit about not leaving. Oh, yeah. And then they make old, old guy jokes. Yeah. And guy makes an old guy. So to be clear, the deputy is like 12, but he has a wife of two kids. He's very, very young. And he's constantly making old guy jokes towards Wilford Brimley.
Starting point is 00:19:07 And then Wilford Brimley's like, you all can go to hell. And I was like, whoa, because that is so not Mormon. Right. I've never heard a Mormon person be like, go to hell. He is an edgy Mormon. We'll learn more about that.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Yeah. Oh, as we learn later, yeah. But Mormons literally say things like dang it all to heck. Yep. Yep. He's and I actually once had a roommate that was Axe Mormon and we just cracked up every time he said dang it. I say dang it still to this day and it's so fun. So I don't drink and that's just because I don't like to drink. Trust me, I've done a lot of drugs, but I don't like alcohol.
Starting point is 00:19:42 And I have this friend who if we're ever out and about and somebody offers me a drink or they ask what I'm drinking and I say, oh, I don't drink and they go, why? She goes, oh, she's a recovering Mormon and I'm like, don't say that. That's not why. All right. And then they get a call. They're a wassantary. The sheriff and the deputy get a call that there's been a fight out at the construction site
Starting point is 00:20:06 So they have to go take care of that but As with every fucking location in this movie we have to have a long Scene of someone driving to it first so the key on this driving sequence though The only important thing going on here is that as they drive out to the construction site West sees a suspicious car under a suspicious tree. Yeah. During suspicious parking thing.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So they get to the construction site to see about the Fisticuffs. We meet Ralph the Foreman. I love him. Yeah, Ralph's fine. He seemed like a jovial fella. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:42 I liked him. I don't know. He's very Mormon, which we don't realize yet, but then we see him in church. Is he? Because there's also I think the token layman out of this. No, but he's super Mormon. I mean, they have to make him one of those red hairings at one point because they're like brown skin. That's seen as ridiculous. We got there. Banana. He also uses a straight up racial slur. He's not the one who uses it. He's referring to some words that were thrown, but he straight up says the word spec. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:10 Just. Oh, does he actually say that in the movie? Yes. So the cops show up and they're like, yeah, we got to call about a fight. And he's like, yeah, you know, it was just a white guy using a racial slur and then a fight from that. I don't even think that's against the law in Utah.
Starting point is 00:21:22 Is it? And he's like, not really, no. Yeah. But he felt the need to say the racial it? And he's like, not really, no. Yeah. But he felt the need to say the racial slur outlaw. Yeah, it's exactly, exactly. And then the cop had to be like, yeah, you got to stop bringing in all these immigrants.
Starting point is 00:21:33 You be fucking lame. Because Ralph is a construction company owner and apparently he's hiring evil outsiders and bringing him into this little town. People from what, what ain't even from around here? Yeah. Yeah, subject, what ain't even from around here? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. man there's so many churches I can see churches from everywhere to where there's a lot of churches and we're supposed to go like mm-hmm that's your killer right there yeah was a sure was was that ironic because I wrote shirtless redneck loves churches I thought he actually was like wow this is the best town ever there's so many churches I took it as being sarcastic or something and I haven't down as atheist abs for the rest of the movie. Oh, yeah. I thought he was definitely supposed to be atheist guy that we're supposed to hate and maybe think is, you know, a murder or I had no idea. If you want me to hate that man, do not show him to me shirtless. Okay. Also by the way, this is neither here nor there, but a sleepy little Mormon town
Starting point is 00:22:45 where literally everybody is Mormon and there are no other religions that town has fewer churches. Yeah. There are literally like two or three LDS churches and that's it. Right, right, yeah, exactly. There's not like a big competition, like yeah, we're about to see.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Like in every other small town where there's, yeah, a lot of religious diversity, anyway. Just, yeah, interesting point religious diversity. Anyway, just. Yeah, interesting point. Yeah. Okay. Then we head over to the cemetery for some quick backstory insertion. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:14 We need that. Yeah, we need that. The word gritty. We need the word gritty now. Yes. So they inserted here. Yeah. But so we learn here that Wes has a dead wife and I'm assuming son well, it was his son. I guess we learned later
Starting point is 00:23:28 Yeah, but he was yeah, he was young. I think it said he was 11 or something. Yeah, I thought it was eight But yeah, I was yeah, I don't have Young adventure. Yeah, no and that's it. That's all that happens in the scene It's just like look at grave be said be dark cut two cops. Yeah, but there were birds and insects, which is why I wrote this. They put this movie is old and the picture sucks, but at least they have some. Oh, you could hear them. Yes, they understand fully and they have good sound. This is a, this is a throwback to the last piece of shit movie you guys made me watch. Yeah, I don't know why, because this is going to come out at the end of September. I don't know where that fits in the timeline and everything. But yeah, right. That's the key
Starting point is 00:24:08 is just that with your standards have broken down to the point where you're like, oh, they know background noise is good. Yeah, I was like, I feel transported. I feel transported to the cemetery right now. I don't feel like I'm at the beach. I'm not in the bathroom. There aren't toilet flushing sounds. This is an improvement. Yeah. And this movie is from the 40s slash nine days or whatever. So we do watch them walk all the way from the car to the gravestone. Yeah. So slow and back and back. Yes, we do. Well, and then we watch them drive back to the goddamn station. Now, of course, that so that they can go back by that Suspicious car that was under that suspicious tree and this time they're gonna check it out. Okay. Is that so?
Starting point is 00:24:53 Well, how is that suspicious? He's like so that car is Suspiciously parked motionlessly. I'm gonna check it out. What was suspicious? No, and he's like he pulls out his like little ticket pad And it's like I'm gonna write them a ticket, and he's like, he pulls out his like little ticket pad. And it's like, I'm going to write them a ticket. Right. And I'm like, for what? Yeah, it's all the way up. This is like, this is like a rural town. Is it illegal to park on grass in a rural town? So here's the thing. As a pot smoker that's lived in a lot of rural towns, yes. There's a nice car sitting like next to somewhere where you might smoke some weed. Yes. The cops are going to come up there and go, well, we thought maybe it was illegally parked. What's that smell? You know, or whatever, you know, that's like to me, it was like a picnic.
Starting point is 00:25:34 It's the middle of the day. It's parked under an idyllic tree in a nice car. Yeah, but they'll also harass you for having a picnic. but they'll also harass you for having a picnic. Um, so, but they, but they show up at the, at the car, and dammit, if it's not a murder car, full of murder blood, it looks like a cheetah died in that car. It's, there's gash marks, like deep bloody gash marks
Starting point is 00:26:01 across the tire, across the, it doesn't just look like somebody died, it looks like they carved up a box. Right, like they were turning into a wolf as it happens. Yeah. Right. Like the director was talking to the art person at one point and they were like, put a slashy blood there and they're like, what?
Starting point is 00:26:18 You know, like what do you talk about? Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, like a cheetah now.. Yeah. The dead woman had claws Make sure this is empty cause yeah, you know how women are So yeah, so he checks out the abandoned shack that like snuck up on us Mm-hmm and finds the body there so he calls peg the secretary back at the police station and He tells her that there's been a signal seven.
Starting point is 00:26:45 Of course, this is such a sleepy town. Nobody even knows what that means except... We'll remember him. We'll remember him. He's mustache nose. He's like, he's like, he's like signal seven, diabetes, dead body. Dead body.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Okay, but there's something like, it doesn't mean murder, it means dead body. Like, sleepy town or no, people still fucking die. Of course, yeah, but they don't mean murder. It means dead body like sleepy town. And oh, people still fucking die. Of course. Yeah, but they don't die cheated and we've behind bodies. But that's the whole point, right? I think that's a whole point. He's like signal seven. He doesn't say we have murder on our hands because his whole stick, Wes, the the sheriff
Starting point is 00:27:21 in this town, his whole stick is, I don't want to ruffle anybody's feathers or getting everybody freaked out. Oh, yeah. Right. I don't want anybody to know this was a murder. I just want them to know it was a dead body, which by the way, when they paned across the lady's dead body, they don't show her body or her face or anything they just show her bloody hand. Pretty sure she's pulling a white power symbol. Really? Pretty sure. Wow. Like a proud foot full on. I don't think it was back in 2001, but I'm not doing it. I'm not putting her hand into the white power symbol. Come on.
Starting point is 00:27:53 She goes deep. Maybe that was just that was an actor. Nope. To be I mean, like, come on, it's like I would I could imagine the fucking director saying, okay, and make sure you do a white power symbol. All right. Action. All right, action. All right, so Terry, the young deputy,
Starting point is 00:28:08 the 12 year old deputy that's with him, he stared at the body and he looks very upset, very sad, very ready to go out and police that serial killer to death. Yep, very upset with his giant mole that he really needs to get looked at. Yeah, that looks. That looks bad. Malignant. That the regular borders, changing shape, get looked at. Yeah. That looks upper lip. Looks bad. Malignant.
Starting point is 00:28:25 Regular borders. Changing shape. The whole movie. Right. It's like roar shirts. Not bad. So yeah, but so West the share of Sensin back into town is like, you got to go get the tow truck.
Starting point is 00:28:36 I'll stay behind and I'll take pictures with my old-ass camera even for 2001. Oh, no, it's a disposable like Fuji film paper camera. It makes me so happy. I want this to be one of those special ones that you would have as birthday party favors with like balloons making the border. I'm like, that's a little frame. I can't put it in second-dead woman.
Starting point is 00:29:00 I'm like, all I can do is- You're on her. I know this is kind of awkward, but. had it left over from my son's dead to never mind. You got a dot matrix printer out there trying to run the feed through in print. It's amazing. It's so good. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Okay. But then, you know, but they have the FBI coming because it's the car has California plates and they're in Utah. So that's international or something. Yeah, I have to do that, right? Yeah. So the FBI shows up. Sirens blaring.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Like what? Just okay. But anyway, Sirens blaring. You're so funny. You're so upset. I think the thing that bothers me the most about the FBI is that they wear black trench coats in the middle of summer. Like for no reason. So rigid. the bothers me the most about the FBI is that they wear black trench coats in the middle of the phone.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Like for no reason. So, just so you know, it's not just in this movie. It's every movie. The FBI is always dressed like a fucking cologne commercial for vampires. Yeah. So out of place. And so, and there's two of them. There's Meredith, who's like, I feel like I've seen her in something else.
Starting point is 00:30:03 I poked around her fucking IMDV page for so long, trying to figure out where the hell I wrecked. I think she just looks like somebody else or something. She looks like someone. I had that feeling the whole time too. I feel like she looks like somebody who's done like a lead role in some cop procedural or something like that, but maybe.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yeah, she looks like 90s female lead. Yeah, she's, I mean, it's good casting and she's a pretty good actor. But then FBI guy number two who has no name is a horrible actor. The jackmoreman. Jackmoreman. Jackmoreman and just stops showing up halfway through. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:37 He did some motherfucking peers. Yeah. I didn't even think of that. Not there after like four more scenes. He's just like, I don't know Meredith. This is a bad movie. We're in I think you Well, and the whole way that this scene plays out is hilarious because West clearly just doesn't want to do the paperwork on this shit Right, so like the coroner and his partner and everything they keep coming up and they're like you sure you don't want to be mad about Jurisdiction. This is a movie, you're a cop.
Starting point is 00:31:06 You should be mad about jurisdiction or something, right? And he's like, now they're gonna do all of the work. And they're gonna do it. You know where they're gonna do it? Improvow. Yeah. I think it's City. Go into the big city.
Starting point is 00:31:18 I think it's City. So yeah, so and by the way, like the next time we see these guys, it's night. They stood around and watched the FBI do all the real police work for like the whole who was policing the town. Oh, nothing happens in this town. Get back in the fucking banks, been robbed and everything's been burned to the ground. They're like, oh, you know, one of us could have not just watched other people work all fucking dead.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Come on. This is a Mormon town. At one point, he asks the cop, the deputy, if he wants hot chocolate. You want me to bring you some hot chocolate? Well, you wait. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my god, all I can think is he's like, no, I want coffee, god, take it.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I want you to leave. So I get to stop by dung and mother fucking donuts without your judgey ass looking down on you. But, and this is important though, we set up here that Terry is very upset by this plan. He wants to investigate this murder and get the folks what done it. And I'm kind of agreeing with Terry here. Literally West is like, let's keep this under wraps. Let's lie to the entire town. Don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Let the FBI handle it. And Terry's like, there's legit a woman that was like, malled to death by a cheetah. We should tell people there's a cheetah on the loose. And he's like, nope, not in my town. Well, at least do a cheetah below, no? All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:32:37 But this is, this is West's thing here. He is under the impression that he as a sheriff is like pitching a no hitter and nobody's ever once died in this town. Oh yeah, they have to say that. The FBI lady's like, has there ever been a murder and he's like, not on my watch? Yeah, exactly. Right.
Starting point is 00:32:55 So yeah, so he doesn't want to tell anybody. He's, we're watching the fucking, we're watching jaws from the mayor's perspective, right? Yeah. Which is exactly how this fucking place out. So he's like, okay, we're gonna lie to everybody and just not let them have the information. And he's like, that is the Mormon thing to do and a situation of any kind, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:33:16 So, okay, and the FBI tells them, like, hey, you know, I know that you don't want anybody to know about this and shit, but we are gonna have to investigate the murder. And it's like, okay, okay, but don't look like you're investigating a murder, okay? And then don't worry, we won't show up for your parade and black trench coats
Starting point is 00:33:33 in the middle of the summer. So anyway, so we've cut to them, showing up at the parade and black trench coats in the middle of the summer, yeah. Yeah. We get to pan over this little town, which is a Wilford Brimley evolution chart. Every single person in this town is a different stage of the growth of Wilford Brimley.
Starting point is 00:33:53 Yep. Oh, for sure. And then the girls are even better because there are princesses in convertibles with sweaty armpits. There are. Miss Brigham. Miss Brigham. There are at least I counted like 19 Kate Gosselin haircuts.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Yeah. There's so many Kate Gosselin haircuts. There's a lot of casual baptism banter. Yes. It's just it's just right. Yeah, everybody's at the bank are well, he got nine baptisms really. I don't know. I got eight baptisms.
Starting point is 00:34:19 I don't realize they were going to give that count that ninth one. No, they did a V.A. I got one that I have. So. Yeah. So and then we see Terry. I was going to give that count that ninth one. No, they did a VAR. So yeah, so and then we see Terry. He's hating life because he's got to be a small town cop helping kids cross the road. But like the rose blocked off, right? He's not doing like kids are walking across the street. He's like, be careful.
Starting point is 00:34:37 God damn it. I hate this so much. It's like, that's not how it's done. He's also completely unnecessary. You could just leave Terry. Nobody can. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who do something useful? It's not how it's done. He's also completely unnecessary. You could just leave Terry. Nobody can. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Yeah. Who do something useful? We also get another one of those moments where a woman is on the camera and is like, all right, come on. I know. So Ms. Brigham is riding through, you know, on a float or whatever. And we get this super slow mo like almost pop scary shot of her for a second. And she's like, all right, I'm getting murdered now too.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Right. You're right. Am I in the murder cam? What did I say? Yeah, exactly. And some guy does like a hoot hoot to her. And I see that's not, I didn't even read that as the murder cam. For me, I'm so, I don't know, like narrowly focused
Starting point is 00:35:18 on horrible sexism that I was giving the movie props here. Because some guy was like, woo, woo, you know, he did the like whistle thing and she looked at him like, fuck you. Yep. And I was like, get it, girl. Yeah, she gave him a look like, I'll tell you what, at the end of this thing,
Starting point is 00:35:33 I'm gonna have the most impressive IMD be page of anybody on here but Wilford Brimley and she does. Doesn't have a speaking god damn role in this movie and she does. Anyway. Oh, really? It's just, it's all like horror movie, schlock and shit, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure, sure, that's good. Yeah. It's really? It's all like horror movie, schlock and shit.
Starting point is 00:35:45 But yeah, yeah, she's like, yeah, that's good. It's about to pass the Beckville test. Maybe we murder her. I don't know. I'm gonna walk you through that. Yeah, we got close on that one. So Wes asks the two FBI agents. He sees them there and he's like, okay, are you guys Mormon?
Starting point is 00:36:03 And she's like, Meredith is like, hell no. And then he's like, kind of, and she goes, you're a Jack Mormon. And I'm very confused by this statement. Is this a thing? You don't want to Jack? Oh, I was going to ask you if that's a thing. Yeah, no. So that's just a, it's a Mormon term from my no, you know, or somebody who's straight from the faith. That's, that's what I got from it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like worse than an ethnic slur in Utah. It's like, you know, you like, you, you like, you could, you should know better. You're a white delight some person and you're not really a Mormon anymore.
Starting point is 00:36:34 So it's like the worst thing. Yeah. Oh, we have to, we cannot pass over this part of the movie though. Before he goes to talk to the FBI agents, this might be my favorite moment in the movie. He stops to talk to his buddy, the photographer. I have him as photo Matt Steve. So he says, Hey, man, here's my disposable camera. I need you to, you know, to develop these pictures on the down low. Don't tell anybody about it. I'm like, Oh, please don't even tell them that they're murder photos. Don't even tell them. And then he
Starting point is 00:37:00 doesn't fucking tell him for no reason. He's literally like, you need to develop these. He's like, what's on them? And he's like, I'm not gonna tell you so that you'll be surprised. He's like, what is the fucking photo man? Steve is just sure he's about to develop some pictures of West fucking the pool boy or something. He's exactly.
Starting point is 00:37:17 He gets a dead body. That's so fucked up. Ha ha ha ha. That's so funny. And later, oh my god, later when he gives him the photos in the envelope, he's like, do I get to understand any context whatsoever? And he's like, sorry, man. And he's like, all right, you've kept my secrets.
Starting point is 00:37:37 What the fuck is his secret? Right? Look, look, I mean, that would, that's a murdery thing to do. I know you know he's a cop, but still like if you're a cop, you would just be like, yeah, it's on going investigation blah blah blah. Why would you be so coy about it if you weren't the killer?
Starting point is 00:37:55 I know. Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, ongoing investigation, can't disclose any information, but if we have some crime scene photos here and I'd really rather keep them out of public, view do you mind, you know, doing these for us will pay you your fee. But he does it in the most murderous way possible. No warning. So then we had over to church to watch West wear his bishop hat. Right. And this starts off with an establishing
Starting point is 00:38:23 shot that's about 19 hours long of white people singing off key. Oh, I had the worst flashback, Seer. I know these hymns. I know that book. I know those bad suits and that organ music and the bad conducting. I was twitching. I was twitching during the sea because I'm telling you, I don't think they shot this
Starting point is 00:38:42 for the movie. I think they just had that guy go stand up in a regular church. Yeah. And that's just they just film church. That's what this scene was. Well, they didn't get any of the police stuff right, but yeah, I would imagine they got this part right. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:56 And apparently, Karen, you mentioned this before, they got this, this is Judy Perkins, who's the one who came into the sheriff's office at the beginning. She's like, I'd like to retire. And so sheriff bishop is like, hold on. Everybody in favor of letting her retire from apparently a job she volunteers for and makes no money doesn't get paid for. Yeah, that was weird for you. And then she gets just barely approved for retirement from her volunteer job. And that's real you're saying. Yeah, that's real. I just blink my eye at that part. The part I was perseverating on was like,
Starting point is 00:39:27 what did she admit to the cut? Right, exactly. Because she looked at her, she had to have you served when he called her out. Like we're gonna, we're gonna release her from her role as relief society president, I think was what it was. And she was like,
Starting point is 00:39:40 and then they're like, yeah, sure, I don't give a shit. And then she sits down and she's like, I have to go to the bathroom. And you're like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, and then they're like, yeah, sure, I don't give a shit. And then she sits down and she's like, I have to go to the bathroom. And you're like, what is happening? And we are done with that character for the rest of the movie. We will never refer back to that at all. Yes, it's amazing.
Starting point is 00:39:58 She might as well just dive out the window at this point. All right, I'm done with the plot. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then we have to introduce my analog into like the audience's analog into this whole thing in the form of Meredith, the FBI agent. She like comes into church and sits in the back
Starting point is 00:40:13 and just sits there with this like, oh, fuck is this creepy shit all about looking on her face the whole time? Oh, yeah, because then they start to prepare the sacrament. Yes. And in flowmo, for no reason. Like, they literally just document the sacrament in a regular church meeting in real time.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Like, that's all we want. It's six fucking minutes this goes on. Like, literally, I timed this shit. It goes, there's another fucking bread eating scene that goes on for eight minutes later. But six fucking minutes of this movie, it's just people walking around when you want some bread. Oh, yes, I'd like some Jesus bread. Let me pass it on to the next person.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Oh, would you like some bread? That goes on for six goddamn minutes. Yeah, and they really show. But then also the Jello shots thing or whatever that was. It's water. It's water. It's water. It's water. It's water. It's water. It's water. It's water?
Starting point is 00:41:05 It's water. Did it make it red food coloring? No, there's no red. It's just clear. I saw. You did not see red. No, you were thinking of Catholics and you put that weird frame in there. I think I was thinking of Jello shots.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Yeah, you might have been. Because Catholics are most religions drink wine, but Mormons are allergic to wine. And so they use water as the blood of Christ because that's what blood looks like. It looks like water. And it's the tiniest plastic cups you've ever seen. They're like symbolized plastic cups. They're gelo shots. Yeah. Yeah, they are. I think that's why I saw gelo shots. Yeah, yeah, but it's just water. It's so wasteful. Oh, God. Yeah. Wow. So wasteful. It's so much plastic. Isn't Utah like super lush and wet as a place? Yes. Yes. I mean, I think it's less about
Starting point is 00:41:51 wasting water and more about putting a shitload of plastic. Yeah. Like everybody has one tiny swallow and that deserves its own plastic. One use cup. Wow. Yeah. There's no drinking wine from a chalice here. I love though multiple times in this script. Heathrights. Is this real and I write next to yes. All right, so and then we get to see where so Wes is sitting in his bishops office and a very disturbed Steve the photo mat guy shows up and he's like, hey man, um, you want to fucking warn me next time?
Starting point is 00:42:27 Well, shit. I, he's like, I just want to be super clear, never, ever fucking do that again. Um, yeah. He literally says that he's like, I am never going to do you another face. Dude, you got to take a picture of CW dot, dot, dot at the front of your reel or something is crazy. He's like, and that wasn't, uh, wasn't your work was it? He's like, I know I'm not answering any questions moving on, moving on.
Starting point is 00:42:54 Yeah, it's weird. It's like, why? Why doesn't he just say, no, I didn't kill that woman? Clearly, I'm investigating a murder. Right. Yeah, exactly. Because I'm the share. So, and then, all right, this is some, fuck, I love this scene. So, exactly. Because I'm the share. So and then all right, this is some fuck. I love this scene. So God damn much. We cut to some weird fucking
Starting point is 00:43:11 Sub-Sermon that happens half to the main event. Let me explain this Please, okay. I will need you to explain. I have all question marks all my notes are like Yeah, pretty dough is a question. Is that, how is Jesus in the, what the fuck? So Mormon church is three hours long. Wow. Yeah, every Sunday. And that's on top of youth group or relief site or whatever you do on Wednesday nights
Starting point is 00:43:34 and then every morning when you're in high school going to seminary for an hour before school every morning. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I had to go to seminary at 6 a.m. every day. It's the only saving grace, saving grace. The only silver lining of that was that that's how I learned how to drive. Because my dad let me drive the car because nobody was on the road. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Yeah. But Mormon church, okay, first of all, there are no sermons because there are no pastors. Nobody gets paid to write like a story and preach. That's not the way they do it. So the bishop doesn't get up and talk. That's why it looks so weird. He's always just sitting there weirdly because there's no, like, the bishop doesn't stand up and run church. What happens is that people, again, everything's volunteer, people volunteer talks and it rotates. So people from the congregation are like, this week I did some real Bible study
Starting point is 00:44:28 or I studied the book of Mormon and now I wanna talk about forgiveness. Oh God, it's open-minded. Oh God, it's open-minded. Yeah, it's open-minded. Yeah, it's open-minded. A fucking Mormon's doing open-minded. So that's the first hour,
Starting point is 00:44:38 or maybe it's the first hour and a half, I can't remember, God, it's been so long now. That's what they call, what's, what do they call the main service? I mean, sacrament happens during the main service, but I can't remember what the main service is called. Anyway, after that, you break off and you go to Sunday school. And that's where we are now.
Starting point is 00:44:55 We're in Sunday school, which is these little subgroups where you're divided by eight. Yes, you're divided by eight. We're in Sunday school. Yes, you're divided by eight. So this is like old people Sunday school. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:45:07 Yeah, yeah, it's a fucking thing. It's a fucking thing. So they just, they study at a quote, different level. Like, this is racism class. That works. Right, yeah, okay. Gotcha. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:19 So yeah, so the teacher at Sunday school is standing up there like picking apart Jesus messages and asking them what they meet that means to them Now yeah, be I lady a shrinking in the back of the fucking room You have to volunteer for them to call on you don't you? Yeah, so apparently Jesus said we should be wise as Serpent send harmless as dogs Yes, the passage they're talking about. Yeah. And so Sunday school teacher is like, so what does this mean?
Starting point is 00:45:48 Do we have to lose our innocence to gain wisdom? And I'm like, yes. Yep. That's the way that works. That's a hard yes. That's what happens when you decide to no longer be Mormon. Right. That's usually that term.
Starting point is 00:46:01 I love that one guy's like, hold on. I think I got it. I've got a good analogy. Being Mormon is like going to a used car lot. You can't be gullible. He says while he's at a three hour service that involves age broken up, skit groups, and fucking open one.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Yeah, that's amazing. I think Jesus was saying, don't be a fucking idiot. It's like, no, you're a Mormon, so it wasn't that. Also, did you guys notice his epic turquoise ring? I think Jesus who said don't be a fucking idiot. It's like now you're a Mormon. So it wasn't that Did you guys notice his epic turquoise ring? I did not that he was wearing on his pinky It was epic and then he turns to like Joe below and he's like sorry Joe below Didn't mean to throw you under the bus there as a youth car But then of course they do call on Meredith. They're like, oh, you're a new person. Why don't we embarrass you by making you read something in front of the whole class?
Starting point is 00:46:50 And she's like, I don't want to. And they're like, please read the passage. You're bitch. And I'm like, all right. All right. Yeah. She legit shame, sir. She's like literally the scene goes like this.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Oh, I'm not Mormon. I'm just observing. And she goes, Oh, we are not fucking illiterate. Are you? Yeah. Right. And she's like, she says, oh, we are not fucking illiterate, are you? Yeah, right. And she's like, she's a... Okay, sure, I'll read. Oh, and they're reading from Nephi
Starting point is 00:47:11 and I'm like, oh, there's a 50-50 chance that this is gonna go bad. Yeah. So, meantime, though, there's an old guy cleaning up after the parade who notices that there's a dog, getting weird at the town's gazebo. So he goes to investigate. And he finds the bloody sash of Miss Brigham.
Starting point is 00:47:29 That's buddy, bloody sash, not bloody slash. That's totally different thing. No, like her pageant sash. Yeah, that's exactly. She's wearing in the parade. Yeah. Right. So to be clear, the killer murdered her,
Starting point is 00:47:41 shoved her like all the way under this porch, then grabbed the sash and like left a little bit of it sticking out onto the porch so that a dog could find it. Wait, wait, more than that because there's like a fucking lattice that goes all the way around the bottom of the gazebo. So the killer removed the lattice, moved the body into the center and then replaced it, put the sash slightly
Starting point is 00:48:06 out and then left. staple gunned it back on. Yes, exactly. Yeah, because then when Wes comes, like he, you know, the guy runs to get the sheriff. Oh, my favorite is he runs and he interrupts. Like he opens up the bishop's office and it's full of people praying. And they all look up and everything's like, Sheriff, we got a dead body.
Starting point is 00:48:28 Yeah, we got an ex-d- Bloody Bay, here I say, yeah. It's what I'm talking about. And so he goes down to see, he rips part of the gazebo lattice off, just straight up rips it off, just completely has no respect for crime scene analytics at all. Like rips it off, crawls on his belly,
Starting point is 00:48:48 is like smelling the sash, wiping it on his face, throws it out, sees the dead girl just grabs a mess of her hair, like gets his skin cells all over her, you're like, what are you doing? Don't touch her, she's clearly dead, stop touching her dead body. Don't taste it, don't taste it. Don't taste it. Don't lick it, guys. Don't lick it.
Starting point is 00:49:07 It's like Cheetah and human blood together. All right. Yeah. I knew it. So then he goes to tell her family. Oh, God, this is the best scene of the whole movie. What's the best scene of the whole movie? This is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Yeah, it's weird. This is a comedy scene. It's amazing. Because every, because people keep going like, oh, do you want a cookie? It's like, no, this is the very serious. How bad a little bit. It's like, you could just please just sit down
Starting point is 00:49:30 and fucking shut up. Oh, there's the phone. Okay. Do you know what this scene reminds me of? And I'm only gonna reference it because I don't want to give it away to anybody who hasn't seen this glorious, glorious film. This reminds me of watching the mist.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Have you guys seen the mist? Oh, Stephen King? Yes. Watching the mist in horror at how bad this movie is and then the whole thing is made imminently better by the last five minutes of this glorious film, which is the darkest, most twisted, most fucked up thing you've ever seen. That's this scene. Like they go to tell this sad family that her daughter's dead. There's a comedy of errors. The guy finds out on the phone
Starting point is 00:50:11 while the bishop is sitting there having not yet told them and then the tears. Well, and well, he's halfway through. He's like, I have bad news about your daughter and then the guy gets interrupted by a phone call. Yeah. It's so good. And he's like, don't get it.
Starting point is 00:50:25 Don't get it. But then he realizes what's happening. Wes is like, all right, I'll let whoever's on the phone tell you about the dead daughter. That was a creepy thing. Throw all the fucking way out here for nothing. And then they literally weep. Yep.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Like for minutes, like Oscar worthy weeping. It's what's happening. It's a good weeping man. It's very good. I wrote this is very brutal and pretty good. I think. Don't worry. We'll see some bad weeping man. It's very good. I wrote this is this is very brutal and pretty good I think don't worry. We'll see some bad weeping too before it's all over, but this is pretty good weeping. All right, well, I'll tell you what it seems like this could be a full blown fucking movie at this point. So it's probably best to pause now and let That feeling linger, but we'll be back to disappoint you in a minute with even more. Brigham City.
Starting point is 00:51:04 You know, as a resident of a small conservative ultra-religious town in South Georgia, I really don't want to listen to anything anyone here has to say. And that's why I use Raycon wireless earbuds. Whether I'm ignoring a belligerent jerk at the coffee shop yelling about their mask band date, or a lady giving out pamphlets about Peppa Pig being a harbinger of the apocalypse, I can do it in style and comfort with Raycon's improved rubber oil look and fill and optimize gel tips for the perfect inner fit. My new everyday earbuds for Raycon allow me to
Starting point is 00:51:34 drown them out in three modes. There's pure mode for a podcast, audiobooks and instrumental stuff, balance mode for rock and heavy metal, and base mode for hip hop and reggae. And there's even an all-new awareness mode for rock and heavy metal and base mode for hip hop and reggae. And there's even an all-new awareness mode for when you need to listen to your surroundings instead. Because let's face it, the belligerent customer yelling at his barista in South Georgia is probably armed. And with Raycon's built-in mic, you can even use them to call help. And Raycon's have an 8 hour play time and a 32 hour battery life, so they can handle all the insidious drivel this town can throw at them.
Starting point is 00:52:07 And believe me, that's a lot of insidious drivel. Best of all Raycon's start at half the price of other premium audio brands, but they sound just as good, and they even come with a 45 day happiness guarantee. Right now, Gam listeners can even get 15% off the Raycon order at byraycon.com slash Gam. That's byraycon.com slash Gam. To save 15% on Raycons byraycon.com slash Gam. Well sister officer, why don't you read the next passage? Uh oh, I'm actually not a mormon, so I'd rather not.
Starting point is 00:52:44 Well, you can certainly read, can't you? I mean, yeah, but this is like your religion, so I feel like maybe it's best to leave it up to you. Oh, but we'd just be honored if you read it for us, though. Honored? Look, I'm just going to stare at you and make this increasingly awkward until you say yes, but I'm going to smile the whole time. So it's not as obvious that I'm being an asshole. Very Mormon of you. All right. Let's see here.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Wherefore as they were white and exceedingly fair and delight some that they might not be enticing. Unto my people, the good Lord did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them. Oh, I am suddenly way more uncomfortable. Oh, please, continue. Okay. And thus say, if the Lord God, I will cause that they shall be loathsome unto thy people, save they shall repent their iniquities. I'm sorry. Is this book saying we should hate black people until they
Starting point is 00:53:50 apologize for what, like their melanin? Yeah, just two more verses if you don't mind. Well, I do mind. I'm only going to stop staring at you if you finish it. Okay. And Cursed shall be the seed of him that mixeth with their seed for they shall be cursed even with the same cursing. And the Lord spake it and it was done. Are you sure this is your holy book and not mine, Comf? Oh, this isn't even the most racist passage. It's just the one that most lent itself to a series of comedic escalations. The next verse is about how lazy they are. Oh my God, that can't be true. No, no, it shouldn't be true, but it is.
Starting point is 00:54:35 See, and this is how you make a fucking serial killer. What? Nothing. And we're back for more of this shit. You can tell shit's getting serious now because we're going to open up on West, deputizing Wilford Brimley. Oh yeah, get it Wilford. Get that mustache, his bath.
Starting point is 00:54:53 I want his tagline to be, I'm not getting too old for this shit. So good, yes. But we see that things are going nuts. The reporters want to talk to West and the mayor needs to talk to him But he's too busy copying to do you know deal with any of that shit Mm-hmm, and of course the writer has no idea apparently what you would do if there was a murder Any wrote this anyway Yeah, right, so maybe this is a Mormon town thing and not a cop thing, but
Starting point is 00:55:25 this sheriff is like, I need you all to get all the Mormons and can just down with them. And we just like talk to everyone and they're like, all right, yep, we'll just have the Mormons talk to everybody. Well, they have them at this point, they haven't put now flyers. Oh, yeah, we're just putting out flyers yet. Do we even know what they say? No, I feel like it's got to be something like, if you're the serial killer, you have to putting out flyers. Oh yeah, we're just putting out flyers yet. Do we even know what they say? No, I feel like it's got to be something like, if you're the serial killer, you have to tell us this rule works both ways.
Starting point is 00:55:51 Are you a cheetah, please? Have you seen any suspicious cheetahs in your neighborhood? If so, claw this box. And do you guys notice that Meredith at this point is like, I need your permission to look at some files. Like, why would she need that? She's the FBI. No, you do that. You do that FBI jurisdiction speech there. Yeah. Definitely. She's literally like, I want to learn more about deaths in your town. And he's like, okay, like just again, another pointless scene. Nobody ever dies here.
Starting point is 00:56:27 Okay, man, you said that before. It's not, that's not. Also, oh, my favorite, my favorite. So the gazebo, right? We've just seen that this like dead body was pulled out of the gazebo. Murder photographer earlier was like, at Bishop's office going, never make me look
Starting point is 00:56:42 at a dead body again. I hate you for making me do that. And then he's right there at the scene, just snapping photos. Well, yeah, so we have the very next day. Right, so we eventually see that he's taking pictures of like the little vigil that they made by the gazebo for murdered girl or whatever.
Starting point is 00:56:58 But yeah, this is the first of many linger on photo, matte, Steve creepily for a little while and go eh? Eh? With the camera. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Who's the killer? Is he the killer?
Starting point is 00:57:11 Yeah, he lives across the street from the sheriff. At one point the sheriff just looks at the window and creepy Steve guy is like slowly closing his shit. Yeah, so good. It's like a Simpson. He's like a sack moment. He's just like twist, twist, twist. Wow, this is taking longer than I thought.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Twist, twist, twist. Oh, I went the wrong way. God, I'll just, I'll just leave it that way. Yeah, so we get West driving along and dammit if the local serial killer isn't all over the news. It's like, why wouldn't he be? But he goes to see Ralph the Foreman. Oh, yes, I love this part.
Starting point is 00:57:48 So he's like Ralph the Foreman is going on and on about how he has this guy who ended up stealing from him and it's his fault because he didn't do a background check. He literally says I deserved to get robbed because I didn't do a background check. I don't think he knows what the word deserved me. That's not what it means. He got it wrong. Yeah, I don't think that's how that works. But we do see this scene recapitulated later. Yeah. Oh, a four-shadow wig. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Well, he even says, I do background checks, not very Christlike of me I know. Oh, yeah, what was that? What did that even mean? Is that not Christlike? Yeah, I thought Jesus loved background check. Trust but verify, Reagan said that. Yeah, exactly was that? What did that even mean? Is that not Christlike? Yeah, I thought Jesus loved background, yeah. Trust but verify, Reagan said that. Exactly, Jesus.
Starting point is 00:58:27 He makes all about some Jesus. Yeah, so yeah, and I also love the whole concept here, which is like, yeah, there's been a lot of murders. It was probably one of them immigrants you hired. It's not gonna be one of our locals. They're all white and delight some. True, yeah, very true. Although weirdly, you would think that they would have made,
Starting point is 00:58:52 look at all the churches abs guy, a brown immigrant, but they didn't. They chose to make the member of the crew that was the most out of towner, whiter than white. Yeah. No, you're right. So that was kind of a weird like, not very more than. Oh, because probably somebody gave them a note and they were like, guys, you can't be this so Fertley right? Yeah, yeah, we'll make him white before you got Ralph being the one you know we went straight to him right after there was a Murder only black guy and Literally first thing that happened. Yes, and of course as they leave we watch evil abs atheist guy Like watch them leave creepily.
Starting point is 00:59:25 Like I get a creepy soundtrack too, right? Yeah, you get a creepy soundtrack too and you're a red herring as well. Meanwhile, so we cut back to the station where Pegas pulling files for Meredith and Phillin are in on West's tragic backstory. Oh my God, it's so sad. Like I was like, this is horrible.
Starting point is 00:59:44 I almost cried, which he was telling her about his horrible backstory. So sad like I was like, this is horrible. I almost cried when she was telling her about his horrible backstory. So sad. So here's the thing though, in a Christian movie, like everyone who has a dead anything lost them to either cancer or a car accident. So as soon as I saw that he had both a dead wife and the dead son, I'm like, oh car accident, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:02 Right? So I had it pretty much pegged, but apparently he was driving during the accident. And that's why he has the brace on his leg. He was so severely injured. And he was in a coma for eight days. And for some reason, they were like, he's basically dead. Let's go ahead and have the funeral.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Yeah, right. Wait, it's up. He wakes up to them already in the ground. Yeah. Feels like he'd wait more than eight days on that, right? I don't know. Well, that's what Meredith says. She's like, really?
Starting point is 01:00:29 That seems kind of fucked up. They're like, we were sure he was going to die. I'm going to the fuck, he's up nine days into a coma, right? Do you do another funeral at that point for the guy who wakes up? Right. Like, yeah, you can just tell. You know, you go, they know we sure did bury them. Right.
Starting point is 01:00:47 We didn't bury them. Did we, Dave? I mean, because really, who was the funeral for otherwise? Like, the weird child deputy? Because do you remember how earlier when they visited her grave, he was like, really loved your wife. She was, she was a good one. She.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Yeah, she was the only one that would listen to my missionary stories. Yeah, I was like, when I was one good one. She yeah, she was the only one that would listen to my missionary stories. Yeah, I was like when I was one Yeah, it's like how old are these people? How long ago did this happen? Yeah nine days ago. Yeah But at any rate so and then so we fill in that backstory and then we go we watch the eronic priesthood putting out pamphlets. I love this part because whenever they say, Aaron, because it's like Aaron, like the dude's name was Aaron. So it's the Aaronic priest to AARO and I see it sounds like he's saying, Ironic.
Starting point is 01:01:35 I know. Aaronic priest going around being like, look, we're being Mormon, aren't we? We're not. We're not. Mormon we are, right? Right? I'm sure it says Mormon. Just says Mormon, this is the shirt.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Right? So funny. Mormonism. Okay, so now it's time for the sheriff to enact his plan. Once again, the writer, who is also the director, who is also the sheriff, has no idea how a cop would go about trying to find a serial killer or how a movie writer would depict that.
Starting point is 01:02:09 So we're setting up what will I promise you be the dumbest goddamn plan you've ever encountered in a movie that was trying to be serious. But in order to do that, he needs the help of the guy who owns the local bar. Now he's the Mormon fucking bishop. Obviously, he does not have a good relationship with the guy that runs the local bar. Now he's the Mormon fucking bishop. Obviously he does not have a good relationship with the guy that runs the local bar, right? It's and they make it almost seem like this is a town of 150 people, seven of whom smoke cigarettes and drink beer and hang out at this bar. And that's the whole town.
Starting point is 01:02:39 Well, it's all those construction workers. Yeah, the other 143 people are all good Mormons. Right. And maybe one or two of them are inactive. Yeah. Exactly. Jack Mormons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's it. That's the makeup of this town. Yeah. So, yeah, but the sheriff has to strong arm, the bar owner and his arms aren't all that strong. So it takes a, takes a little work. Yeah. And he's basically like, you're going to help us find this murderer because if there's a murder in my town, he's gonna drink alcohol. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:03:07 He's gonna hang out at your bar. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I don't like the implications of that. And the bartender, the bartender's just like, no, I hate you. I don't like you. Yeah, it's a person, you're a shitty. And he's like, I'll arrest you for no reason.
Starting point is 01:03:21 He's like, all right, you will hero white top. He was like, what's the magic word? And he goes probation. That's like, what the fuck? Like, you're CD. Stop resisting. Yeah. You're CD.
Starting point is 01:03:33 I could get you on some shit. You have tattoos and smoke cigarettes. Yeah, you must, I'm sure you're criminal. Oh, Jesus. And then, okay. So what we're supposed to be learning here, and this is actually, I think the message that the movie is trying to send is that once worldly things like serial killers show up
Starting point is 01:03:51 in your town, everyone stops trusting everyone and you lose your innocence, right? You have to be wise like a serpent and peaceful like a dove. Oh, that's the point of that scene. Right, so we get this scene where everybody's like looking at each other like, are you the serial killer? I did not get that either at all. I know.
Starting point is 01:04:08 Right, because because the guy that we see is photo Matt Steve, who's creepy as all fuck and we're like, oh, is this just another photo Matt Steve is a creepy guy is seen with the music box soundtrack? Yep. That's what we got going here. Oh, and to be clear, in this scene, it's not actually the, the bishop that sees him,
Starting point is 01:04:25 it's a whole new family. Yes. We've never met before sitting down to dinner and we're like, what, who are these people? And the dad is like nine feet tall. And he has the most intense Jared from subway petovibs. Oh my God, doesn't he though, yeah?
Starting point is 01:04:41 Ever seen. He's like sits down with his family of like seven and they're, you know, saying their prayers. And then he looks across and he sees photo Matt Steve weirdly. It looks like Watergate. Like he's in his house, but he's got a bio box with like a flashlight. He's like reading fire. And I feel like he gives him a look at his eye.
Starting point is 01:05:05 There's like a twinkle kind of like nobody will ever know the secrets we have between. All right. Well, that I need to close my blinds or my wife is going to see that twinkle. So, I guess. And then we'll end there. We're one more quick reminder of how on edge the town is we see an old man on a sports go. And all right, kids have a good night and then we zoom in on him having a gun and it's just like you guys think that's safe, don't you? You think that's a good thing? But that's the thing. This, this, it's obviously some Republican made this movie, but the town full of gun owners can't seem to protect innocent girls from a serious.
Starting point is 01:05:39 So weird. In the plot of their movie. So weird. It's almost like it's all a bunch of bullshit And then we cut to this scene where Wes and Terry are gonna do target practice in a field but It takes like the scene opens up like the two of them are gonna face off in an old-timey duel Yeah, weird opening, but yeah, we have to learn that Wes is not a very good shot opening, but yeah, we have to learn that Wes is not a very good shot.
Starting point is 01:06:10 No, he's also not good at telling a story, which goes so god damn badly. Just out of nowhere, he's like, up of nothing, Terry, I have a story about a deer hunting. I killed a rabbit. It's kind of fucked up. Now I'm a cop. So, you know, people only and Terry just doesn't respond because he's like's like, this is a really bad story. I hope you just peter out and like we move on. But he doesn't. He's like, I really enjoyed killing that rabbit. Yeah, that part was so weird.
Starting point is 01:06:33 He's like, I had a taste for blood. And check myself. And you're like, wait, what the fuck? I left it there to die slowly in the dirt. And Terry's just doing the like hand twirly thing of like all right wrap it up wrap it up So yeah, okay, I have to put out Terry's response look he goes So did you eat the rabbit? That's such a weird fucking I know for like hunters. Maybe that makes that is such a weird fucking so when you killed it
Starting point is 01:07:01 Did you devour it's hard? Okay, so when you killed it, did you devour its heart? So now, but the other thing that is key to this that we have to learn that we'll never, ever matter in the movie is that Terry is a very good shot, right? The 12 year old is a very good shot. Has a lot of confidence in his gunning abilities. Okay. So now we cut to the bar where Wes has a plan cooking. Now we're about to reveal what that is.
Starting point is 01:07:25 This is so stupid. Well, but first I want to talk about their musical guests who they are way too proud of. Oh, yeah. Is this like somebody famous? Right, the guy who's singing a song called I play the banjo while playing a mandolin. That guy.
Starting point is 01:07:41 And it's got a very smash mouth quality to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. 2001. Yeah. That makes sense. But then, okay, so musical guest aside, we have to cut to this ridiculous goddamn plan that the sheriff has. So does this make sense at all? Not in any goddamn way. Okay. So first we find out that Peg, she's the dispatcher at the police station. She's going to dress up as a waitress at this bar as bait. And I thought like as bait for the serial killer, but we find out that she's actually just going to be collecting beer bottles and pint glasses because they're going to get the fingerprints of the people
Starting point is 01:08:26 at that bar that night. Right. Now, keep in mind, they do not have a fingerprint from the crime scene to test the scene. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, they have like claw scratch marks right. Yeah. You see it. You see a cheetah in the bar. You're just like, okay, well, that's cheating. I have to be in prints. You're so right. This is so stupid. Everything about this makes no sense. And my favorite, my favorite, my favorite, my favorite is when she brings back glasses. She has a tray full of glasses. She brings them back to Wilford Brimley, who's in the back, who's starting to sort things.
Starting point is 01:09:02 And she goes, okay, this one's from Steve, this one's from Joe, this one's from Marshall, and this one's from John. And he goes, how are we going to keep these straight? And then the other guy goes, we don't have to. We're just going to put them in the fingerprint machine. And it's like, no, but you need to know whose fingerprint it was. Well, because if it comes back, it'll come back with a name, right? So. Oh, you're right, because at this point, I didn't realize that weren't matching them
Starting point is 01:09:27 to the prime scene. I thought they're matching the cryptocurrency. And I'm like, if you just mix them all up, your whole plan is thwarted. You fucking idiot. Right. But the only plan they have here is that we're going to try to fit. So obviously, if it's a serial killer, it's obviously an alcohol drinker. So you just go to the bar.
Starting point is 01:09:44 You fingerprint everybody and look to see who has a violent criminal record. And there's a serial killer, it's obviously an alcohol drinker. So you just go to the bar, you fingerprint everybody and look to see who has a violent criminal record and there's your serial killer. That is legitimately the plan. No, seriously, they're just like fingerprint equals, we arrest you. That's a thing in policing. So we're doing that. And they're taking, they're not like getting one bottle from each person. They're taking literally every single beer bottle and glass.
Starting point is 01:10:10 Right. But even though they have a mole on the inside, the waitress could literally be like, I don't need another one from him. I already got one from him. But instead, just like I'll just keep collecting them. Why the fuck did they need an undercover waitress? Like the other waitresses were already gonna bring back bottles. You're right. You're right. And anybody who's at that bar is gonna be like,
Starting point is 01:10:29 that's weird that all of a sudden the dispatcher for the police station is a waitress. And that actually happened. Yes. That guy was like, where's your name tag? And she was like, Oh, I'm new. And you guys.
Starting point is 01:10:41 I'm feeling like I'm gonna, I'm gonna, yeah. And then he goes, I haven't been looking for a new girl to murder. Yeah, that's the eight, that's apps. That's atheist apps. That was apps, yeah. She's like, this is suspicious. I should probably put a red piece of tape on his glass. And then, and then Wilford Rimley takes all these glasses, which by the way,
Starting point is 01:11:02 if you've ever worked in a restaurant or you know anything about how, you know, a zero-some game works, you know that there aren't endless glasses. You're the real, you're the real, you're the real, but they don't. So, no, they have these racks of glasses and empty beer bottles. And then Wilford Rimley comes back to, what's the, what's the deputy's name again? Terry. Terry, he comes back to Terry and he's like, loaded up the back of the truck,
Starting point is 01:11:30 also loaded up the back of your car. Sorry about the fucking smell, because by the way, can you imagine how bad that would is? You would be so drunk just sitting in that car. Your car would smell after three detailings. There's no way you can get that smell out. Honestly, that's like a nostalgic positive scent in my head right now.
Starting point is 01:11:51 I bartended for so long and I also was on the other side of the bartending for so long. Yeah, right. Oh, bar water is literally the most puke inducing smell that I can. Well, I mean, it includes puke on. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, exactly mean, it includes puke on it. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's nice. It brings water.
Starting point is 01:12:08 It's time. It's time. So, yeah, so they get all of the bottles and they're heading back to the police station. West stops to let everybody know that he thinks his plan is a very good idea. But then, okay, late that night, we have to get Marieth getting a flat tire, which is out driving Marieth Meredith the FBI agent. Yeah, and damn it if her tire iron isn't the wrong size for her lug nuts Yeah, how does that even happen? Why would that be the I mean they have different sizes of the zone, but you would you would clearly have your you need that in your car
Starting point is 01:12:41 You check that right away. You get a new car. You get an old car You changed your tie well also the car comes with a tire like she didn't have one of those fancy You need that in your car. You check that right away. You get a new car, you get an old car, you match this up, you change your tie. Also, the car comes with a tire. Like, she didn't have one of those fancy ones that's like a cross, like she upgraded. She had the sheet one that comes with your car. Why did her car come with the wrong tire?
Starting point is 01:12:55 I think it was supposed to be a rental and they gave them the wrong one with the rental place or whatever, but at first it's just like, why wouldn't you just pick a normal problem for her to have? Oh fuck this is just a really big Alan wrench for my key Yeah, or like I don't know why didn't she just not have a jack or the jack broken or you know any other Other fucking spare was flat or something like that. Yes, it like there was no spare that would have been easy right there You go, but yeah, but so just as she's realizing that
Starting point is 01:13:26 Ralph the foreman shows up and he also has creepy background music all right and he walks right up to her like menacingly for some just for no reason at all but she's just like oh he notices that she's scary so sorry I was doing a scary walk and she she's like, yeah, kind of, that was a scary walk. You're just a scary walk. Yeah, and then he goes back to his trunk. He's like, I think I have something to help you with this. And he like, fingers, all of these tools in his trunk.
Starting point is 01:13:54 And he goes for the tire. And he goes, maybe I should use this ice pick. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm really being scary right now for no reason. On top of that, all of my stuff is bathed in a creepy red light too for whatever. But yeah, but like, then he just helps her change her fucking tire. Is the seat. Right, because clearly at this point in the movie, they're going, oh, we've forgotten to set up that there should be red herrings. Right. Yeah. So now we need to make sure that you do like five in a row. Yeah. Like five. Yeah. That's all it is with pop scares.
Starting point is 01:14:36 And she almost murders him, right? Isn't she? Isn't she take her gun out of that point? Yeah. And she's like, Oh my God. Okay. I was going to shoot you because, you know, well, you did the chainsaw thing, but mostly because you're, you know, rum, rum, rum, so I'm gonna first like, you're fixing my tire, okay. Cool. Up. So then we cut to Wilford Brimley. He's stopping at the five-and-diamond his way home with all the bottles loaded in the back of his truck.
Starting point is 01:15:00 And the clerk is a adorable neighbor with defense from the beginning. I was starting to think she wasn't gonna come back into the movie I'd miss you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's and and her and Wilford have a little back and forth. He was a pack of smokes But she knows that he quit smoking and she don't want to sell them to him and he's good more men. He shouldn't smoke cigarettes Right and he's just like give me no, I'm buying one now and she's like, well, you want porn too? I'm gonna tell the bishop And he's just like, give me, no, I'm buying one now. And she's like, well, you want porn too? I'm going to tell the bishop. He's like, okay, well, now I do want the porn now. Because I'm going to give this a good way.
Starting point is 01:15:29 And then I want to cigarette. And yeah, and I want porn. Fine. So he goes outside with his new cigarettes to his really cool truck, by the way. Very cool. I'm obsessed with this truck. And he like goes to use the cigarette lighter
Starting point is 01:15:41 or like, you know, looks around. He has no cigarette lighter. Think about how long it takes to walk out to your car. Look for a lighter, realize you don't have one and then walk back in. In this amount of time, the store is completely disheveled. The girl is missing and he's like, you know, something happened. Well, more than that, the girl is, is, has been tied up in duct tape. Right? Cause he walks right back in. He's like, oh, he walks out, he pads his pockets.
Starting point is 01:16:09 He goes, oh, this isn't gonna be easy. He walks right back in. And now he can hear her like straining against the duct tape over her mouth or whatever. Now, we don't, like, we know who the killer turns out to be. I just want to point out like that character would have known Wilford Brimley was at this fucking store. He would have known that goddamn truck.
Starting point is 01:16:31 So this was like the plan. Yeah. It was a plan to like run around this this convenient store over 10 or 20 seconds like the flash and he's ducking and know that Wilford Brimley would have exactly that much time between finding out he forgot his life. How would he plan the not having a letter? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:16:52 But that's what he does. He just pocketed earlier. It took his zip-o-hole or something. So he grabs Jamie the clerk lady, brings her to the back somewhere, ties her up. Wilford Brimley comes back in and he sees that like a struggle may have happened and he's like, Jamie, did you get mad at all the can be and bleed? You're having a cheetah back there? Weird.
Starting point is 01:17:16 So yeah, but he buys her all duct taped and then a hand comes in from off camera and shoots him in the head. Oh, yeah. This part actually is super. I was like, fuck, they just killed well for Brimley. Right. I didn't see it coming. Didn't I see it coming at all? They show it's actually kind of a cool scene. Like it's actually halfway decent filmmaking where he can't quite hear. And so they zoom in on his hearing aid. And then you start to hear her whimpering. I mean, it sounds like a crying baby, but maybe that's what it sounds like to a hearing impaired person.
Starting point is 01:17:50 I'm not sure. And so he's like, oh, shit, something's going on. So he goes to the back, but because he can't hear, he doesn't hear the guy sneak up on him. And it's just gun to head dead. And I was like, holy shit, it was again, it was like the mist. Guys, you got to watch the mist. Like, it just takes you by surprise. And you're like, that shit, it was again, it was like the mist. Guys, you got to watch the mist. Like, it just takes you by surprise and you're like,
Starting point is 01:18:06 that took a badass turn. I like, yeah, I laughed actually a lot at the very end of the mist. That was fun to me too. And other people I was with were horrified. I was like, yes, that was so redeeming. And they were like, what just happened? We're not comfortable with your reaction to this movie, Cara. That's going on.
Starting point is 01:18:27 All right, well, Taylor, it was super considerate of this movie to time out. It's murderous the same way that we generally time out our break. So I guess we can pause there. But first, let me give it back to the hard. So we'll Wes ever find a clue. Will there be anything to tip off an observant viewer as to who the killer is? Will the answer to the who done it essentially be drawn out of a god damn hat? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the decaffeinated conclusion of...
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Starting point is 01:19:25 Nope, never. Like, if the restaurant is out of their first choice? Never, never. It says so right here in the copy. Huh. What else does the copy say? Take a plain tea, but make it Tony Stark. Dead?
Starting point is 01:19:37 No, I can see why you think that. But I think they mean like, in the sense of bleeding edge fabric technology? Is that a Tony Stark thing? The bleeding edge technology is, yes, see, in 2016, Cutsbounder Steve Barrelli set out to create clothes for every occasion of the modern man faces. He started by reinventing the T-shirt, the end result, what GQ magazine calls the only shirt worth wearing. Kind of thugs that we discovered it so recently then. Right? But their signature buttery soft peak
Starting point is 01:20:06 approach, tri blend T, is a bold new take on the classic design, combining the ultimate blend of high-quality cotton, polyester, and spandex. Are you sure it's not just the penultimate blend? Positive. Each piece of cut-scloating is designed with custom-engineered fabrics expertly graded for the perfect fit, arming you for every challenge and opportunity. Like a towel in the Hitchhiker's Guide Universe.
Starting point is 01:20:28 Exactly. It's not just a lifestyle, it's not just clothing, it's office leisure apparel for the sport of business, and you can get 15% off your first order by going to cutsclothing.com slash gam. That's cutsclothing.com slash gam for 15% off the only short worth wearing. Cutsclothing, they're way better at making clothes than they are, We've got to catch this serial killer. I need all the beer bottles from Patties pub tonight. You got to collect them. You got to boss. Wait. Sorry.
Starting point is 01:20:49 How's that helpful? We'll get the fingerprints and we'll find out all the criminals from that. We'll find out all the people who already have a record. We'll find out all the criminals from that. We'll find out all the people who already have a fingerprints and we'll find out all the criminals from that. We'll find out all the people who already have a record. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. We'd have more.
Starting point is 01:21:15 Well, the people who already have a record who show up at Paddy specifically tonight. That's everyone. That's everyone. Well, this is a modern man town. You think everyone goes to the bar every night, boss? Yes, apparently, yes. What if the serial killer goes through a different bottle? Yeah, getting a soft track. We collect all the bottles and then we run the prints. We're cops, that's a cop thing, right?
Starting point is 01:21:41 Run the prints, I've heard that. Well, no, run in the prints is a cop thing. Yeah, I guess I just, do you know what it means though? Yes, yes, I know what that means. Yes, I do. You put, you put the prints into the computer. Into the computer and then it, it will do the serial killer.
Starting point is 01:22:01 It will tell you the serial killer. Please don't interrupt like that. Okay, that's just words. Just get me to prints. We're doing this. Okay, fine. Fine. Woo.
Starting point is 01:22:11 One last thing for you. Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu, come on. Just one, can you say it? Just one time, do it one time. No. Come on, come on. I love when you do this. Absolutely not.
Starting point is 01:22:23 Please do, though, please do that please do it Die a bit us Classic, oh I love that I hate you guys Wilford Brimley Mustache I be this in a very walrus in style mustache in a very walrusian style. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin our heroes following up on that dumbass beer bottle planned down at the station.
Starting point is 01:22:56 Yep. Right? One guy comes in and he's like, all right, 437 bottles, 437 prints. And I was like, that feels wrong. Yeah, I don't think. What the numbers would be. What I love too is that they've had like a whole new murder and kidnapping, we don't find Jamie's body at this point.
Starting point is 01:23:13 So we just know that she's missing like, and their plan is still the fucking beer bottle thing. Like all of this new evidence doesn't sway at all. I know. There's nothing here to find. And he's literally like, like, so Wes is literally like, Jamie's life is on the line. We need to wake people up.
Starting point is 01:23:29 We need to call people and get him to help us. And she's like, it's the middle of the night we can't do that. He's like, do it anyway. Her life is on the line. And then he's like, I'm just gonna go take a walk. Yeah, I'm gonna stand beside, stare into the middle distance for a little bit. No urgency.
Starting point is 01:23:42 With any of the actual police work, let's just wake up the town for no reason and they just stand around for a while. Yeah. The movie also addresses its own problem here. It's like, this whole fingerprinting idea is stupid and the movie asks itself about that. One of the cops is like, is this even admissible in court?
Starting point is 01:24:01 And another one says no, but what would they be proving in court with those prints? Nothing. There's no print to match it to at the crime scene. That's amazing. Exactly. They're just proving that somebody was at a bar. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:16 And that they illegally took their right. Well, exactly. And that's just the thing. If they did get some from it, then they've just given the lawyer some potential ammunition to fuck with them over. Yeah, it's stupid in like eight ways. And even in the movie never leads anywhere. Right, but we will soon learn that West gives no shit about human civil liberty.
Starting point is 01:24:36 No, exactly right. No, exactly. Right, exactly. But before that, though, we get to later that night, Meredith comes in and makes a late play at love interest. Oh, yeah, that was what was happening here. I think maybe this was supposed to be a love interest that was developing throughout the film, but like, Wes is such a bad actor and Meredith is such a bad actor that they just never bothered to pull it off. Oh, was this supposed to be chemistry between Wes and Meredith?
Starting point is 01:25:03 Yeah. I didn't get that at all. I think so too, because they have this weird conversation. Like, first of all, he's like, are you more men or are you from Utah? And she's like, duh. Clearly, I'm not. I wear black. I'm from Manhattan.
Starting point is 01:25:15 And he's like, oh, right, New York. And then she says, literally, she's like, I'm from Manhattan. And he's like, yeah, what's that? Like, and she's like, it's nice. And I'm like, I've never heard somebody call Manhattan. That's the weirdest way to describe that. There's so many better adjectives.
Starting point is 01:25:30 So many better. I think she was just going for like way better than right here. Yeah. Yeah. And she does say that. And then he's like, goes on this little tear with her about, oh, you probably think I'm so naive. You think I'm innocent.
Starting point is 01:25:45 You think we Mormons, we don't have any life experience. We have our own experience. We have so much experience. It's dripping out of our dicks. And I'm like, what is experience are you from? What for in this conversation? What I love so much about that dumbass thing is that he's like, you know, people think we're naive
Starting point is 01:26:02 because we don't have the big city experience. It's like, we think you're naive because you profess belief in a book where Bronze Age people made a transatlantic crossing and a wooden submarine, dude. Big city experience can really be left out of this entirely. And you're still a naive fucking idiot. Oh, and that's not even the worst of it. It's like, you believe in that. And then you believe some schmo 150 years ago or however
Starting point is 01:26:28 the fuck long it was was like, oh, I read the word of God and I translated it even though I don't speak the language and they go, oh, could you do that again for us? And he's like, no, no. I can't do that anymore. This reform Egyptian is a different dialect of Egyptian, actually, as it turns out. I had a stroke since then. I can't do that anymore. That's weird. He actually repeats a few details from the Book of Mormon and describes it.
Starting point is 01:26:54 And then he's like, you're naive. I believe every word of this. He actually says that. Yeah. And then he says, we have our own idea of what's dumb naive. Right. Yeah. No, I think you're naive for believing in your dumb evolution. How about that?
Starting point is 01:27:09 She's like, this is clearly not going to work out. I'm just going to go to the. Yeah, I'm not going to be the love interest as you do your own research about evolution. All right. So that morning, dozens of people who peg apparently called at 2.30 a.m. have gathered at the town square to help form a fucking Mormon posse. Now, here's what Wes is going to do with this unprecedented amount of manpower.
Starting point is 01:27:37 He's going to have them go to every house in town and search it illegally. Illigally is all fucking hell. And we're not just illegally unconstitutional. You're right, right. Yeah, exactly. This is not Mormon law and where there's federal jurisdiction here. Like this is not okay.
Starting point is 01:27:57 Which is probably why Meredith needed to not be there. Cause she would have been like, yeah, you cannot prove it. You're not allowed to. None of this, none of this. I like how everybody kind of was like deflated by this. He's like, all right, it's gonna be just like the old days, right? You go knock on doors and everybody fucking hates you. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Just like being a visionary. Yeah. Pedo guy, nine foot tall pedo guys, like, but I have to be at work
Starting point is 01:28:22 by nine. Right. That's not happening to. Yeah. And then he guys like, but I have to be at work by nine. Right. Funny. That's not happening too. Yeah. And then he's like, nobody's going to work today. Jamie's life is more important than your job. And so I wanted one guy to be like, I'm a fucking surgeon.
Starting point is 01:28:34 So it's like, it's five to one against at this point. I think we need my schedule today, but okay. And then he literally is like, and by the way, if anyone asserts their constitutionally mandated right to disallow illegal search and seizure, let me know so I can come muscle them up. Yep. Yep.
Starting point is 01:28:55 And let me know. I love how he slipped into the fugitive by accident. First of all, yeah, right. I want a hard target search every farm. No, that's fugitive. Okay. Closet every corner. That's different.
Starting point is 01:29:08 I'm doing it. I'm not. Body system. We need a buddy system also. Yeah. Right. But unless, of course, somebody tells you they're not allowed to, you're not allowed to look in their house.
Starting point is 01:29:18 In which case split up? That's his god. He's found the bad guy. Get rid of the buddy's. Yeah. Exactly. He literally does that. Exactly. When's throwing the bad guy. Get rid of the buddies. Exactly. He literally breaks down exactly when we need it not to. At which case, one person weighed on the lawn, the other person get in your car and drive to the police station.
Starting point is 01:29:34 Get me and I'll drive there. And then the first time this happens in the movie, the guy goes, I'm not doing this shit. I'm just going to call him on myself. He's got a fucking cell phone though. Why didn't he know he had a cell phone? Yeah, right. Exactly. So, okay, so they had to use all the,
Starting point is 01:29:49 this goddamn manpower to check old lady Westrally's foot locker. Think about what a dumbass fucking thing to do this would be if somebody's life was legitimately on the line. Well, we have to check the old lady's house too, because she could be the serial killer. Yeah, and she's like, we're not, you're not doing that. And he's like, do you want me to get a warrant?
Starting point is 01:30:09 And it's like, he doesn't have grounds for a warrant. Right. How would you get a bucket? Yeah. So there's no even a domain here. There's nothing she did to make them think that her house needs to be served. Right. No, it's the next house on the road is literally the plan.
Starting point is 01:30:23 And so this is a photo mat Steve's mom. They go to photo mat Steve's mom's house and they're like, we got to search your house and she's like, the hell you do? And they're like, all right, we're getting the fucking sheriff. We're calling in the posse. It's just the weirdest thing. It's like on the one hand, they're like, we love Marica. Marica gives us our rights to independence. And then they're like, the minute that no longer fits our narrative. Let's go get stop Oh, yeah, and you're like wait you what is your ideology? I'm very confused by what kind of world you want to live in yeah, I will say though
Starting point is 01:30:56 This is exactly how Joseph Smith what a handle the serial killer Well, other than possibly be him, but yeah, that doesn't that. Right. That's true. He murdered way more people than the serial killer in this movie. That's true. You're right. Well, bloody, bring him to sure as fuck dead.
Starting point is 01:31:14 So, photo mat Steve, they bring photo mat Steve to his mom's house and they're like, make your mom let us search her house and he's like, okay, mom, you have to let him search her house. It's like, that doesn't, that doesn't count, right? That doesn't help you now. It's her fucking house. Right. He just clearly lives in the basement there.
Starting point is 01:31:32 Right. Yeah. So as the cops are searching the house, they come across the locked closet. And they're like, photo-matte Steve, open your locked closet. He's like, I don't want it. They're like, you gotta.
Starting point is 01:31:40 They like slam him up against the fucking wall. And he's like, all right, man, the key is in the cup. It's immediately next to the padlock. I thought he were a fucking cop. He could have found it, but okay, there it is. It's in the key hiding chalice right next to this thing that he closed a curtain over as the cops walked in. He like runs over this spot.
Starting point is 01:32:01 This is curtains. They're like, it's not in here. Hey, man. Yeah. We're gonna need you to open that back up, obviously. And to be clear, at this point, photo-matte Steve and photo-matte Steve's mom are weeping. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:15 They're weeping and shame about what they're about to open up and see in this club. So they're literally playing it up, like there's a fucking dead body in this club. Yes, yes they are, but they're really, really upset by the fact that the cops fucking dead body in this closet. Yes. Yes, they are. But there's not really, really upset by the fact that the cops are about to open this closet door. So they open the closet.
Starting point is 01:32:30 There's nothing there immediately, but then the cop notices there's a false back to this closet. And he opens the false back to the closet to reveal. Poor. It's not like child porn or illegal in any way just regular No, it's medium-born Girls go on wilds. Yeah Yes
Starting point is 01:32:53 It's literally like just V8 yeah, it's like VHS home delivery tapes and dirty magazines you guys it's skin books and I know what those are now I books and I know what those are now. I think you guys plan this entire movie for me just to see this scene. Didn't you? I feel so love. Oh, God. I was looking at it going like, oh, y'all remember the porn layer? Did you have, I had a porn layer. It's very sweet.
Starting point is 01:33:22 His little porn collection. And he's so ashamed. Yes, it's he's acting like it's a dead body. Even after they were he's not like, see, it's just porn. He's literally like, he sent a plate and the bishop knows about my poor and which more everyone else treats this like it's a dead body. They take him down to the station over the horn. On what grounds like they're very confused about what laws are in this movie. Yeah, they don't find a dead body. No, they know there's now a serial killer, not this guy out and about doing serial killing. And they're
Starting point is 01:34:05 like, all right, well, we got to spend a bunch of time. Herp walking this guy past a bunch of children and down, bring them back to the station. When everyone knows there's a serial killer in the fucking, this is so fucked up of a thing to do to photo. It's so bad. Photo master, by the way, will not turn out to be the fucking killer. Of course not. He's just a sad guy with porn. Photo Matt Steve has a massive lawsuit on it.
Starting point is 01:34:31 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Photo Matt Steve owns Brigham City now. Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. He's the porn king.
Starting point is 01:34:40 So. So, okay. So we're back at the station. We've got, you know, fucking photo-matte Steve Sweat and under the hot lights, but meanwhile, they're running the very last of those fingerprints that they got from the beer bottles. They haven't gotten anything from it yet.
Starting point is 01:34:56 They've used an awful lot of manpower that could be used on literally anything else to do this, but they've got one last one to run. And it just so happens that this one is abs, the guy from the construction site that had his own creepy music and was a herring that was colored red. Anyway, yeah. Wouldn't they have been like, let's run that, you know how he was like, I'm looking for a new girl to rape and kill. Yeah. And then they're like, hey, you know what? Let's just prioritize that one. Maybe run that one first. But like put a red rubber band around the neck or something on that one. Yeah. Yeah. But he has a rap sheet. They're like, Oh, look, he's got a rap sheet.
Starting point is 01:35:32 It could be him. But the fucking one thing on a dispossession of marijuana, but peg has a plan. She knows exactly what to do. They have to pray. So, so they go get that on the news and she's like, dear God, literally all we could think of was I bet the alcohol drinkers did it and that other dude had too much porn to not be a serial killer. Obviously, we could use some help here. So whatever you got, perhaps a men. And of course, Meredith is there and she'll bow her head with them but she's not gonna say fucking a man. She's not. Yeah, I'm glad Meredith did not get converted in this film. Yeah, right? She was like yeah, I'm still not Mormon
Starting point is 01:36:15 Get out of here. What I hate though is that just the fucking unveiled misogyny where like the sheriff Wes is like You ladies need rest and they're like what about you? And he's like, well, I'm a man. Right. So I'm gonna stay up and solve this crime clearly. The FBI agent, no, she's a frail woman and she needs her beauty sleep. And it's like, what about the other FBI agent? Oh, he checked out like five years ago. We have not seen him in so long.
Starting point is 01:36:38 He just not exists in this film anymore. I think he left the set. So yeah. And so the women leave and Terry is gonna go take an app too. And he's like, hey, yeah, and so the women leave, and Terry is gonna go take an app too, and he's like, hey man, do you think we should continue to violate photo-mets Steve's civil liberties?
Starting point is 01:36:51 Cause like, it's not like the law is just gonna get worse at this point or whatever, or should we just let him go? Yeah, and he's like, funsy, so let's just keep him away from the world. I'll keep on a little bit. Okay. So, and then one little detail that we have to add a data to this. So, Peg goes and gets in her car and somebody jumps, scares their way up from behind, but
Starting point is 01:37:15 it turns out it's just her fiance. It's just, it's not, it's just, yeah, like, Peg knows she's there. Right. He's like, I just took a nap in the car. Clearly, where else did you think I was? Exactly. I was just in there with you guys. Cool. Just don't sit up like the undertaker. Yeah. We need to help you do that. Yeah. Cause I like, I'm in the front. Yeah. So, okay. So now that he's sent everybody home, West can do some hardcore detecting, which is like,
Starting point is 01:37:40 obviously, it involves a lot of spreading photographs out in front of you in various formats. Yeah, I don't he's like I'm gonna I'm gonna share if this thing to death with my eyes. Yes, look at pictures and then the crime will be solved. This is my favorite scene because this is like a trope in all the cop movies and they do it so badly here. He's just like looking around. He's like, all right, picture Alisa Colvin. She's just from the town and got murdered and then picture a Tammy also from the town. He's like, are they the same person and pushing the first? Okay. That's obviously that doesn't even make sense that I thought that would help me do a thing. All right. All right. I'm gonna look at coffee coffee hot
Starting point is 01:38:30 What no, all right nothing's working for me and he keeps trying to do that and Never goes anywhere. It's the best Yeah, pretty much that's the whole scene Yeah, he does the thing with hair color for a second. Yeah, the thing with hair color for a second. He's perseverating. Yeah, that's, it's not for a second. He's perseverating on hair color. He's like, what color? She's a natural block.
Starting point is 01:38:51 No, not natural. Are you sure? Yeah. There's a part under their judgment. The drapes. Yeah. And he's like, I'm just going to call the station at three in the morning and find out if she's a natural
Starting point is 01:39:02 block, like what is happening? Yeah. No one cares. There's okay. And then we cut to like pegsboyfriend driving her home, right? He's like, you know, I'll drive because I'm the man. And she's like, wait a minute, where are we going? And haven't you been kind of crammed into this story for no discernible reason? Quite a bit at this point.
Starting point is 01:39:23 And they have this creepy ass fucking conversation about how they're saving themselves for marriage. Oh, so weird. He's like, don't add me, peg. So weird thing, because she's like, Ed, don't add me, peg. Don't peg me, Ed is a way better way to say it anyway. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:41 So, a way different meaning when it goes the other direction. But yeah. And he literally isn't like, I'm not trying to fuck you. He says, this isn't like a make out thing. Make out. Like, you have 45 years old. You're 40 fucking five years old. This isn't a make out. I'm not trying to trap you so I can put my tongue in your mouth. Like, oh my god, more than embarrassing. Yeah, he goes, no, no, I'm saving myself for our wedding night. And I'm like, okay, that's gotta be your serial killer, right? Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:40:10 Oh, at this point, I'm fully committed to the idea that it is the killer for no reason. Right. But I know this is what's about to happen. Right, because there's no reason for any of you. You knew it was going to be drawn out of a hat. And it really, I mean, they sold me on this one, yeah, sure. Yeah, because then, then Wes, who's sitting there going, not sure how to solve crimes, there's one cup we didn't run fingerprints on.
Starting point is 01:40:33 The coffee cup. And we think this is Ed's coffee cup. Right. It's a paper coffee cup. I don't know if it would have a fingerprint on it, but somehow it gets a fingerprint. Yeah, yeah. And we see that he sees something important that we don't fucking see. Right.
Starting point is 01:40:47 So we're supposed to think it's Ed. Right. Is the killer? Ed's at home cleaning his gun. We're like, okay, it's clearly the killer. Playing with this giant rifle in the jar. It's like you do. It's, it's, it's sad been beat long.
Starting point is 01:41:02 It's this ridiculous BFG from a video game kind of fucking gone. And I'm thinking like if Ed knew they were running Prince all day and night and he knew he was the killer. Why did he set his cup down right next to all the cups of Prince they're running and not throw it away. Like what an idiot.. Yeah, he actually knew about that ridiculous thing. Right. He was doing it. He was the one dusted. Yeah, he was helping him out.
Starting point is 01:41:31 Well, and then it was funny is that it turns out it's not Ed, but like the person it is, it's even fucking dumb or that they would have left the fucking cup there. Yeah. Womp, womp, womp, womp. This is the sad trombone moment of the film. Right. So we see Wes hauling as to what we think is Ed's place to go save Peg.
Starting point is 01:41:49 But it turns out that he's actually at Terry's place. Yes. Just as they show him arrive, they show that Ed does not turn his gun on Peg. But instead sits down on the edge of the couch to protect her while she sleeps. Yeah. Nothing bad can happen there. Nothing bad. He's a good guy with a guy. Right.
Starting point is 01:42:10 Exactly. He's just fixing the site on the rifle by pointing it at the couch while she's sleeping. And he's like, oh, site's good. It sits down. That's the work. Yeah. But now Sheriff West is at Terry's house. Terry is just playing with a gun in the
Starting point is 01:42:26 dark. He's got his gun completely disassembled on his kitchen table. Yeah. This is very important. That's a very important detail. He is completely disassembled. Yes. He is. He is cleaning his gun. Exactly. So West comes in and he's like, Hey, I have a very slow revelation at this point to have with you. Oh, I'm going to tell it in monologue form. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Very long. Yeah. So he starts going down the list of all of the women who have disappeared mysteriously in the town that they never figured out were murdered. And he's like, you remember Lisa Colvin, the girl who died in that rock climbing accident while wearing pumps? It occurred to me that, you know, maybe she wasn't out there hiking
Starting point is 01:43:09 after all when she fell to her death. And- With her red hair. Yeah, that's very important. Right. And Terry's like, hmm, that's weird. And he's like, and what about Tammy what's her name that ran off to California and left a note that said, I ran off to California. Don't look for me. I certainly wasn't murdered. Yeah. I think they might have been something to that as well.
Starting point is 01:43:33 With her red hair, her red hair as well. And he's like, yeah, you got me. I have a thing for killing redheads. It's so stupid. And I write, wait, so Terry has a record in Kodis. How would he not have known that before he hired him as a deputy? But this is the call back to the foreman who didn't run a background check and who said I deserve to get robbed.
Starting point is 01:43:56 Here, Terry goes, you never ran a background check. So basically you killed those women and he's like, you're right because I didn't run a background check on you. It's my fault they're dead. And like, that is like the realization. And I'm like, that is quite the worst thing. Exactly, and that's the thing. That was the whole bit is that he said
Starting point is 01:44:15 that it wasn't very Christ like to do background checks. He's not why is like a serpent is the problem. So then Wes is like, okay, you just admitted to multiple murders. Why don't you just put these cuffs on and we'll go back and he's like, I'm just gonna keep putting my gun together. If you don't mind.
Starting point is 01:44:32 She's gonna slowly, and no great hurry, as I monologue back to you about how I would have been fine if it hadn't been for those meddling kids, I will ever so slowly put this gun together. Oh, and then he makes an amazing turn up until this point. He's like, who me? You thought it was me. And then finally he goes, and I don't understand
Starting point is 01:44:54 because Miss Brigham, she was blonde. I even checked her hair wasn't naturally red. And he goes, it was a red when I finished with it. And I was like, whoa, what the fuck? He just turned hard. Yeah. I was seemingly meaningless distinction. It was the girl in the car from California was the one with it that had the, that wasn't a red head, uh, miss pregnant was also just very clearly like, well, that ruins the entire thing that you just discovered to make to
Starting point is 01:45:23 solve the murders. Right. Well, like everything about this whole thing about red hair. Doesn't matter is what you're saying. Well, they, they, they kind of try to clean that up in the next scene. But yes, exactly. And it's, do they? Yeah, I'll point it out. Meredith, the throws out, there's a throwaway line for it. Okay. But this gives him time to slowly polish each of his blitz and one by one put them back into the gun. That's not quite put together yet. He's adding he's after peace. Yeah, he could have just literally west could have just reached out and grabbed like a spring. Yeah, right exactly anyone is. He's like no. Not a working guy anymore. Oh, do get it back. Give it your I'm taller than you. I will get it. I will get it. But instead, he's like, I want it to get close. Yeah. Close. Right. I want to give him a sporting chance or something. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:19 So he puts his gun together very slowly and don't put that last piece on your gun. You're putting the last piece on your don't load the first bullet. Okay. Sec don't look to say it takes so long for this to build. And while he's assembling his gun, Terry is also systematically disassembling the Mormon religion. He's literally saying things like your God didn't help that girl while I was fucking pounding her and then slitting her throat and he's like true. That's good. That's a good fucking. Yeah, your prayers did nothing to save any of the girls. I brutally raped and murdered. You got me on that. You're right. I didn't. What about if you were going to murder more of them, maybe those prayers, I don't. Yes, it's like, hmm, Terry's making some good points.
Starting point is 01:47:05 I'm feeling this. And then Terry's wife walks in with a baby on her hip and she's like, what's happening? I don't like this. And Wes is like your husband's a brutal serial killer. She's like, I still don't get it. Why didn't let him build his gun still? Right. Yeah, he's got watching him put it back together.
Starting point is 01:47:22 I'll wear him at some point here. He's loading bullets. Take your gun out, man. Yeah. Well, he even takes his gun out and points it at him and shit. And he's like, yes, at any point here, I could shoot you in any non fatal way and end this. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 01:47:36 Instead, he way or just take a spring or just tip you over since you're sitting down and I'm standing up. It's so good. I love that. The idea of him just taking the little spray and just pocketing it. And he just eats it and he's like, come on. Oh, really?
Starting point is 01:47:51 So finally, Terry's like, do I put it in my own mouth? Or do I put it up to your head? Okay, I'll go ahead and then West Coast. Yeah. And then West Coast. Yeah. And I was just like, well, that was the most boring gunfight in the cinematic history.
Starting point is 01:48:08 Leave it to the Mormons to make the gunfight the most boring part of the movie. And then, and then the wife runs over to the bloody mess in the corner, heaves her body on top of him crying. And she's like, get out, get out. And he's like, okay, like it doesn't work like that. No, it only.
Starting point is 01:48:24 No, it only. Like, you don't have the power now. But then Wes has to, he's gonna do some capital A acting for us guys. Wes is, he's gonna meaning against the wall and he's gonna do some ugly crying and it is not great. No, okay. And also, here's the point where the movie usually ends. Yes.
Starting point is 01:48:49 Could just end it. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, there will need to be some adjacent Mormonism. There is eight minutes of bread now. We're going to get an eight minute bread scene to close. Okay. So we get first, he's back at the, at his bishop brick or whatever. By the way, it's not like an a fun eight minute bread montage.
Starting point is 01:49:17 It's just like bread showing up. That's what you're picturing. That's what I popped in my mind. Right, right. Not in a good way. That's delightful. Not in a good way. We love bread. No, we actually watch like an eight-minute scene of mostly slow moving Mormon wonder bread.
Starting point is 01:49:30 So bad. Yeah. So first Meredith stops by to say goodbye, you know, and he's like, you know, I sure feel bad about deputizing a serial killer rapist murderer without doing a background check. And she's like, oh, you don't blame yourself, man. Anybody could have deputized a serial killer. You know what? You'll get better.
Starting point is 01:49:54 You'll know now. Like Ralph, you'll know now to do that. She says, nobody blames you and I'm like, I have everybody fucking come on. Oh, for sure. Yeah, fully blamed. And then he's like, I blame myself. So I'm like, I have everybody fucking come on. Give me. Oh, for sure. Yeah, fully blamed. And then he's like, I blame myself. So I'm gonna ugly cry while I eat more bread.
Starting point is 01:50:09 Yeah. While I don't eat more bread. Right, right, exactly. So he goes out for the whole church service thing. And he's late. He shows up during the sacrament. So he's like really, really late. Also like, why did he go to church?
Starting point is 01:50:22 I feel like you're allowed to take a day home. Like you can say home. Yeah, you just, you just had to kill the guy who you thought was basically like a son to you. Right. Because it turns out he's a murderer. Like you're probably gonna have some fucking, you need to therapist that for a while.
Starting point is 01:50:35 You would fucking hope so, but yeah, no, so he walks in. And so I didn't know that he was late. That's I'd throw, I know this is when the fucking Bishop walks in, but he walks in and like super slow, like it's his wedding. I mean, I know he's got the leg brace, but yeah, exactly. It's a had a very, I'm getting married here today thing going, okay, but yeah, so now it's time for a fucking 14 year old kids to break up wonder bread and say a magic spell and shit to turn it into flesh.
Starting point is 01:51:01 Yeah, that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy son. Oh, the prayers, they're so triggering because the thing about the Mormon religion is these are all lifted out of the books. So they're always red verbatim every time. And so it's so triggering hearing them. Like I was like, it like had bile rising up. Also, this really made me think, what are they doing during COVID? Because this whole body of Christ bread thing is not very sanitary. It's like, here's the body of Christ shielded by COVID. You know what they're doing? They're spreading COVID. Yep. Yeah, exactly. You got to hear right. Yep.
Starting point is 01:51:36 Root of whole book about it. Actually, yeah. So they pass around their fucking cannibal bread. And this is so goddamn where so here's here's what's happening. I'll clue you in the listener better than this movie did. Wes won't eat the bread because he feels bad about shooting his son and doesn't feel like he deserves any Jesus body right now. But nobody else in the congregation
Starting point is 01:51:58 will eat the bread before the bishop, right? So then till dad gets the big piece of chicken, they won't eat their bread. So they go all the way through the whole fucking church and show us everyone denying the bread until the bishop goes ahead and eats this. This goes on for like 14 goddamn years. It's long. I did enjoy watching the like alter boy or whatever the Mormon version of that the like wonder bread bearer.
Starting point is 01:52:25 The ironic priesthood. Yeah. The kid with the ironic priesthood. The kid with the wonder bread. He's he he shows it to Sheriff Bishop West and he won't take it. West won't take it. Okay. Interesting.
Starting point is 01:52:37 If he's supposed to be a Jesus character, maybe he didn't want to eat himself because that's even weird. That's masturbation. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's just like masturbation.. Yeah, that's, that's just like masturbation. Correct. But that's how that works. When I masturbate, I like to take a little nibble. Hey, come on. Look, if we could take a little nibble, now, again, we all want, it's not a matter
Starting point is 01:52:58 of want. It's a matter of care. I guess, be honest about what we've all done a little bit. I guess be honest about what we've all done a little bit. So This kid doesn't know what to do there. So he hands the like tray of wonderbrettery presents it to the sheriff Bishop and won't take any and he the kids like I don't know what I know it's really cute And't not in the fucking spreadsheet, guys. Hold on a second. And then they start passing it around to finally. It's like, all right, I guess I just send it down the aisles now. They pass it down one of the rows and everybody starts not, you know, they're like, all right, we're going to do what the bishop did.
Starting point is 01:53:36 Yeah, this part I don't get at all. Like, what is the, what are they telegraphing here? I guess it's like solidarity with him. Yeah. For a second. But it's solidarity against the sacraments of Christ. Exactly. So I was like, is he becoming an atheist? Right. And that is awesome. I got really excited for a minute. But then I remembered that long after I knew I was an atheist, I was eating that fucking wonder breath because I was hungry. Well, the best part of this is fucking Ralph.
Starting point is 01:54:05 He is my hero in the scene because he all, he doesn't quite do what I wanted him to do, but the bread tray goes fast. And he almost, he stares at it for a second. He's like, I'm going to be the one guy who's like, no, I'm fucking hungry. I'm having a piece of this one to bread. I'm here. This is a very Mormon thing. The first Sunday of every month, you fast for breakfast and lunch, and then you take
Starting point is 01:54:28 the money that you would have spent on those meals for your family and you donate it to the hungry. Nice. Yeah, the first Sunday of every month. And so it was especially bad on fasting Sundays because the only thing you're allowed to eat is a fucking bread. Oh wow. And I was kind of hoping it was fasting day.
Starting point is 01:54:45 But then, oh, but during this part, where they're just passing the tray and you watch every person in the conversation, is it a single name or otherwise character in the film? Yes. Did you notice that there's no sound? Right. There's no music. Nope. There's no anything.
Starting point is 01:55:01 It's just quiet clink, clink. What about a clink here and there? Yes, yes. You know, like it's so they might have Have forks and knives on plates clinking for no reason. Yeah, it goes on for so fucking long like that But then finally once they've gone through the whole fucking thing they bring it back up to West and he's like all right Fine, fuck me and I the whole thing gets screwed up if I don't eat the bread. I'll eat the bread and I'm so happy about this part He eats the bread and then we cut to Meredith who is sitting in the very back of the church and she's like, this is fucking weird, I'm out.
Starting point is 01:55:31 And then she just leaves. I thought that they gave her the twinkle in the eye, which was basically like the closing scene of like he's eating the bread and she gives him a thumbs up, you know, you did it air-bud. He takes the bread. He's going to be all right, yeah. Yeah, exactly. He takes the bread, though, and it legit is what it should look like if you were actually eating the body of Christ because he's like choking and gagging and crying. Yes.
Starting point is 01:56:04 Like, if it was actually human flesh, that would be a reason of all this. Just like masturbating. Yeah. Exactly. I also tend to, when I nibble, I cry. I do cry. No, I just, I wrote it in my nose like, oh, he did such a good job with the ugly crying earlier.
Starting point is 01:56:21 We're going to give him another shot. Yeah. Yes. It's really bad. He's like So it's yeah, so and I guess that's gonna do it for our review of Brigham City and It's gonna do it for moreman movie month. I do believe but that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet Because we still need a really you back in next week. So he's tell us what's on deck? Sons of thunder Episode four.
Starting point is 01:56:45 Oh, yeah. That's amazing. They play poker. Oh, fuck, yes. All right, so with Sons of Thunder to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 319 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Kara for hanging out with us today. Here and more from her by checking out
Starting point is 01:56:58 caracenemoria.com or by checking the show notes for a handy link. Also, a perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to contact yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com. So that's got awful, and thereby earn really access to an ad for your version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review
Starting point is 01:57:12 and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this, you'll be sure to check out our sibling shows. This is Kthi, the ADS citation, D&D- and this kept a crowd available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments,
Starting point is 01:57:22 send them out to suggestions, you can email Godoff from movies and Gmail.com, legal services for this podcast provided by the law, this is a P.A.N.R.T.R.T.R.S Tim Robbins to take care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slant, and the people of Drafts on Mars, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, write down your live, I'm Noelusius, promise you to work harder on the
Starting point is 01:57:39 track next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Somebody spoke first after the really long, wonder-bred weeping, and that person got in trouble. Wes hires a new share of SteffiD and forgets to run a background check again! The ACLU went on to Sue West for pretty much everything he'd ever done. Ha ha. Ha ha. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2021 all rights reserved.

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