God Awful Movies - 320: Sons of Thunder Episode 4

Episode Date: October 5, 2021

This week, Marsh joins us for an atheist review of Sons of Thunder, Episode 4, in which Heath will be triggered for about an hour and forty-five minutes by Pureflix's bafflingly misguided effort to bring Poker to the screen. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K

Are you repeating the same relationship patterns? Find yourself with the same kind of person over and over again? Are you feeling attacked by this ad? Therapy can help you figure out why. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful and break the cycle. Simon Doors are trying to pay the main bad guy back by throwing him a single chip. Yep, and saying that's for the buy-in. him a single chip, yep, and saying that's for the buy-in. Now the buy-in would have been I imagine, the amount, the entire amount of money it cost you to be involved in that game. So why would that be represented by a single chip? That is a waste of that denomination of chip, because maximally, there could be five of those chips to represent the entire pot. There's a waste of denomination. Right, so far we have four, six, and all. Those are our combinations.

And Gimmel. Get out of the hole. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Web. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because Eli driving for Uber would have been dangerous.

I'm your host, Noah Luzon since 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend, Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. I'm furious now. Oh, good. Good to know. Good to know. I have a feeling I know why and sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli

Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon sir. I had forgotten that Uber was my backup plan until you introduced our podcast. I'm very grateful. See how much worse it would have been without you listeners. All right. And also joining us today is the host to be reasonable. The co-host de skeptics with a K and the project director for the good thinking society. Michael Marshall Marsh, welcome back. Uh, check. Uh, raise call. He nailed it. He made poker references, guys. So tell us he's what will we be breaking down today? We watched Sons of Thunder episode four time and chance. It's about poker as Mars just alluded to. It's actually the story of God being a poker chief. Very literally. That's the story. That's the moral of what this is about. The story. Yep. And Eli, how bad was this episode? Well, if you love the

high stakes of movie poker, but you've only played go fish because your grandma told you cards in the devil. This movie, this is a boob feels like a bag of sand, the poker. Oh, God, and so much. This is such an appropriate question given the episode that we just watched. How American was this episode? All right. Well, we've got, uh, Holly Davidson. Yep.

We've got a bike again. We've got a country music soundtrack. We do. And we've got a waitress putting up with sexual harassment because she relies entirely on her tips to make rent. So I think we're just like a bald eagle burger away from peak american. That definitely exists somewhere. No WestJay.

I think you mean fried bald eagle burger on a stick, but yes, that is the answer we were looking for. All right, so I know is there anything you guys want to nominate this one from being the best of being the worst at? Best worst poker. Oh my god. Oh, damn it. Dammit.

What the fuck was happening? It's like they made this episode to trigger Heath and no other reason. I was serious. Throughout this, they actually play out a bunch of poker. It's it's not. It's just insanity. If you were trying to get national security information out of he. This would work better than an eye torch. I'm so much better, even just the position of people at the tape, all of it, everything about it, we're going to get to it. We're not a single thing makes sense. Well, as an adjunct to that, I'm going to go best worst understanding of value because

you're're using, they randomly fluctuate in value. Sometimes it's worth the one. Sometimes it's worth 10, 10, what? We don't know. We never find out. There's no units. There's no units. Also, the stakes of the game, wildly inconsistent. Sometimes his bike is either worth nothing or it's comparable to a house in a big city and we can never find out what's meant to that's it. It's like they're playing poker with the gold coins from John Wick, right? Yep. But they're not playing a tournament.

So like no, you could just have an ununit, no unit chips for a tournament, but they're playing a casket. It has a thousand dollars. They fuck. Dull cashing out at various, everything's insanity. And I was going to go with best worst shuffling. All right. Yeah.

As much as all the fucking up poker was, you know, triggering heath. I'm sure that the terrible card work was triggering Eli. My God. At one point, say one of the players actually shuffles cards face up and he is not the example I'm talking about. Yeah. He is by far the most nimble shuffle. There is there is a shuffle in this movie.

So horrifying. I gasped loud enough that my wife came in from the kitchen and said, are you okay? This was my song. And I'm going to go with a pretty popular one because we've had some bad twists, but I was going to go with best worst twist because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He might as well be in the midst of the end credits of this episode and turn around and be like, by the way, I've

been Batman the entire battle of shit that this twist is. All right. Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to be honest with you. I wasn't on episode three, of course. I had forgotten about the whole meaningless flashback thing that sons of thunder is so famous for so I need a minute to prepare myself for that once more, but we'll be back in a flash with all the ham-fisted nonsense that is. Sons of thunder episode four.

Hey podcast listener, I'm Eli Bosnick and I'm No Illusions. You know here on God off in movies we like to try to keep in mind that each new episode could be somebody's first introduction to our show. So when we can, we try to keep the inside jokes to a minimum. Well, no, and he's well, exactly. And that's why it's so important that you understand on this week's poker theme, episode of God off of movies, that the only time that we've ever played poker together, the entire cast, we watched Heath, who used to play poker for a living, get his shit wrecked by a Japanese dancer who had never played. He had totally played before he had played before poker very obviously.

Yes. Podcast listener. The year was 2016. I was about to be wed and those nearest and dearest to me, it gathered for a bachelor party of food games. And of course, probably poker professional in Japan. And on that glorious night, perhaps no gift was more unexpected than watching a literal child sweep away each of heath's chips, even though the very rules of the game had to be explained

to him that night. He was charging it. I'm telling you, that's why that's why he left. He was clear. There was he knew what was happening. I mean, I was back to Japan for college. So as you enjoy this week's episode, keep in mind that you too could probably defeat Heath at poker, even if you constantly need Google translate to explain what was happening in the game. Allegedly, allegedly needed Google translate. That was a part of the show. I'm sure he was doing that.

Enjoy the show. That's part of the thing. Show, if you're listening, rematch, name the place. I know you can hear me. I know you understand everything I'm saying right now. You do not need Google translate in a lesson. Rematch in college, he's in college in Japan. Okay.

Hover college, probably. Hey, hey! Eli, he's your back early! This is still a get ahead episode. Yeah, we both got on vacation a little early. Well, I gotta tell you guys, I thought I was gonna run out of stuff, doing all these ads when you were gone.

I bet. Well, we're here to help. What's the ad? Tushy. Oh, those guys make amazing I bet. Well, we're here to help. What's the ad? TUSHI. Oh, those guys make amazing bidets. Yeah, they really do. They sent us one to try and it has completely changed my bathroom game. Oh, me too.

So what's the prompt from the copy that they sent us? Oh, see. TUSHI, the modern bidet company washes away even the messiest of poops, leaving you with a better clean than toilet paper. Discuss your worst poop experience and how Tushy could have helped. That's exactly what they asked for in the copy. I mean, I literally yes. Oh, don't worry, guys.

I got this one. Hey, it's Noah. This was a really long story. So let's just let that beep play the whole time. Just chime in and here, trust me. You're really glad I beeped this part. F***. So yeah, if I had had a Tushie,

there would be another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I'm not using any of that. Yeah, pretty sure that violates several NDAs. But hey, Tushie has a full product line to help make the restroom the best room, including the Tushie Ottoman, the sleekest toilet stool designed to help you poop at 100% of the time. And the Tushy Brush, the only toilet brush with disposable scrubbing pads so you can use

a clean brush every time. That sounds great. It is. Start washing with the Tushy Bade for a better clean. Go to HelloTushy.com slash Awful to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners at HelloTushy.com slash awful to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for our listeners at hellotushy.com slash awful for 10% off. After you buy and install your Tushy, show it off. Tag us and add hello Tushy on Instagram.

I actually use Instagram for family stuff, so please don't. It's in the mustard. I feel like tag us in pictures of you using a bidet shouldn't get to be in the must reads for our ads. It is. Okay. Tag heath. Hello, Tushy. Tag heath and pictures of you using a bidet. Great. Yeah. I actually do like that. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on our heroes Simon just punishing the suspension on his Harley as he pulls over to help a stranded driver. He is a giant. He's enormous just to remind everybody and it looks so silly on this, but he looks like a circus act like a giant riding a tiny bike.

That's what we're looking at. I will never get over how silly his lawn-nome beard looks blowing in the wind. And it's been right, sis. So I point out this is my first experience of any of this. So first off, I'll point out this is the first time I've logged into Pure Flix. I noticed that this episode is rated 3.7 out of four stars, which is all weird. What because only God gets all five stars, Mark. Right. Yeah. That makes sense.

And when David A.R. Whites, nephew was making this website for him. He was like, okay, what if I only need four stars per episode? Can you knock 20 bucks off there? All right. It's either that or it's like, should we go up to five stars? I feel like the fifth star probably isn't really required. I feel like it's realistic about our content. We're across that bridge where we come to it. But the thing is, I, you know, like, it's realistic about our content. We're across that bridge room.

We've come to it. But the thing is, so we, as you say, we see him drive up on Harley-Davidson and I don't see a lot of Harley-Davidson's. They always seem a bit silly to me because the riders kind of look like they're the, the child who's been let to the adult's table. Right. They're going to kind of reach really high up to get to it. So yeah, they're not hardly sure at all low writers

like this, but yeah, he's on the low writer and it is goddamn amazing. Yeah. Anything this actor is on as a low writer. All right. So he pulls over to the side of the road. There's a driver that's got his hood up and he's like, Hey, you know, I'm having some car troubles. Don't look at what I'm holding behind my back. Just look under the hood. But you know, so very clearly a bad guy. So obvious. Like, first of all, if you just finished up your last Christian Nomad thing as Simon,

the next thing that happens is a bad guy. That's the right pattern. Yeah, by now you should know this. So you think between the last episode and this, he's just been driving down the road constantly paranoid about anything he sees being the next potential bad guy. But he should have been, yeah, should have been. We know his pattern by now. And sufficiently, this is how it happens every time a box and a stick with a Bible under

it would have been a better set up for the set. So, so yeah, so he pulls over the guy's like, I don't know much about car. Oh, don't mind my enormous friends sitting in the passenger seat there. He's just, uh, he's just looking at a crossword or something. It's really weird that we refer to him and we never see who that person is. At no point in the rest of the episode, do we even meet him? Nope, nope. Yeah, because right, he's not necessary here because the little dude that gets him to pull over

knocks him out with his giant, comically large wrench. Yeah. I can only assume he was referring to the cameraman and that gets him to pull over knocks him out with this giant comically large wrench. Yeah, I can only assume he was referring to the cameraman and that the actor playing Simon for God, though he was being filmed. And so I just improvise that. Yeah, don't look at the cameraman. Come on, man, we've done the few of these now. So yeah, so he knocks him out. There's this video game level ding when he hits him with the wrench. They almost knocked my ass out to

Now if you want to fix this episode Simon has terrible terrible head trauma for the rest of it Right, he's at the poker table. They're like what do you say stranger? And he's like I make poopy Oh wait, I hit you with a wrench. It's not that far from what he like just said. Yeah, it's pretty accurate. Actually, yeah, that would explain an awful lot of the poker words. I made a poopy plus a Bible quote. It's really good. But this is also meant to be very clearly helping someone's trick on the side of the road.

Good Samaritan thing, except he didn't get hit on the top of the head, which is like, yeah, the good Samaritan was an idiot. That's the right. No, don't fuck around with it. Yeah, but they steal his bike. So sometime later he wakes up and he starts hoofing it down the road and a pickup pulls over to see if he needs help. This is where we're going to meet Jesse. As he walks down the road, he could not more clearly have shit himself while he was in control. Okay, do people just

pull over to chat with you as a rule in the South? Yeah. If you're just walking down a street like that. Okay, well, so this is the thing. Jesse is obviously cruising for some gay sex and has the worst luck ever in running into Simon, right? I don't know. I mean, you're trying to pick up a random hitchhiker, get a street blow job before you go

to a poker game and try and win your dad's farm back. And he starts talking about Jesus. That's the worst. Right. I bet Simon's got a good sense of cock for a blow job. I don't know. I'm just guessing. All right. So and then we were reminded. So I wasn't on the last one where we did this. So I forgot just how bad. Hey, how bad the writing wasn't, but be how inconsistent the delivery of that writing was. So here's the actual line. Jesse's like, you know, hey, how bad the writing wasn't, but be how inconsistent the delivery of that writing was. So here's the actual line. Jesse's like, you know, hey, what happened?

And Simon says, oh, I stopped to help someone. I got my bike stolen in the return. The line is, like I looked at the, I had to rewind the several times and check the closed captioning. The line is, I got my bike stolen in return, but he says in the, the return, which sounds like, by the way, when you first hurt here, it and then returned. So it was like, I was baffled by this, but no, they don't go back for things in this. I went to speak to a manager and tried to return my bike and he just fucking stole it. I don't know. Yeah. And by the way, speaking of the closed captioning, spoilers, this will not be the first time

the closed captioning tries to help us out with the movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Constantly. Constantly throughout. And what I love is Jesse's response to that is, oh, stopping to help someone, that was your first mistake. Yeah. Says the guy stopping to help someone.

That's what you've just introduced yourself exactly that way. Right. Well, I was hoping Jesse would just like steal his shoe or something. What I want is from to knock Jesse out and steal his car next. Yeah. In order to steal the vehicle. No, ex house. Some kid takes us tricycle. Yeah, right. No, just keep no one like that. That'd be fun. He steals Jesse's truck, but then he pulls over to help a different guy and the truck gets stolen. Yeah. I'm gonna hold it down. Oh, all right. And Jesse are walking together. We actually inch that way down the road into town.

Bull mit thrice. Same on devil. And that point, I guess. Thrice. Well, and then, okay, so then Simon gets in the truck and he's just like, well, I appreciate it. But the fucking editor left out the part where Jesse invited him into the truck or Ride so that's just implied I guess so he gets in the truck to get it right and he goes you know Jesus Wanted so badly for Jesse to be like please get out of the car

be like, please get out of the car. Like, here's the thing. If I pulled over to help someone and they asked me that, I would still help them, but I would absolutely start establishing car rules that they weren't allowed to talk about Jesus. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, child safety locks. I don't wanna know about your Lord and Savior

or anything that comes out of your body. How's that? I just wanted to cut to Jesse's face and him like, oh God, it's happening. No. I'll turn this car around right now. I'm sorry, God. Oh God, David.

But Jesse's like, he says, you know Jesus and Jesse's like, yeah, that's a normal question. Yeah, he's the guy from that snuff novel. I go to church, I know about Jesus. And Simon's like, well, I'm a giant who is nomadic and shares the gospel. But now he says, yeah, yeah, I'm a giant who is nomadic and shares the gospel. But now he says, yeah, yeah, I got a church on the Jesus. Why do you ask?

And Simon's answer to that is nothing. Just literally just not on set, just taking notes. So I know my character asks that. Yeah. And I'm like, he's doing you a favor, dude. You got charity preaching backwards. Right? It works at all. Yeah. And I'm like, he's doing you a favor, dude. You got charity preaching backwards.

This works at all. So yeah. But so Jesse drops him off at a motel. He will never check into this motel. There's never going to be a reason why he takes him to a motel. And Jesse's like, well, you know, I'd love to help you find your bike, but we're trying to fill 35 minutes with this plot. So it's going to have to wait. I'll run into you later on down the plot. Yeah, I'd like to help you, but you know, I've, I've got something else to do, which is 100% how I'd respond to this guy. Like, yeah, I'm getting the nearest cheat. What's that? I could find. Sorry. I can't take you any further. I've got things to do. Do you have time to record an episode of a podcast? No, you know what? I've got things to do. I've got things to do. And that's what Simon is like, all right. Well, God bless you. And there's a giant pause at this point. Simon's like, I said, God bless you. I contact. Please. Okay. Okay. That's it. I love

God spending time with God. God spending time with God. Oh, that's my new response to God bless you from now. I'm just giant, hard, eye contact pause till they give up on it. I still like to just pretend it burns. Right. Every time someone does it. Oh, yeah. Ah.

Ah. By the way, Simon, just in case anybody doesn't remember all those other episodes, his thing is he's just a nomadic, odd job guy who goes around Texas on a bike and finds odd jobs. I want to see him go to New York and see how he does there. Just be in life. Yeah. Hey, can I do our jobs and live it?

Go fuck myself. Okay. Oh, it is weird that he's been driving around for four episodes and hasn't gotten out of Texas yet. I mean, I've driven around Texas before I get it, but still. All right. So and then we do one of these weird assed sons of thunder flashbacks. Now, the flashbacks in this show are unlike anything else because they're too small of snippets

to actually give us any context or mean anything. But also we get into him with the sort of graphics that most shows would use for epileptic seizure or the demon has walked out of the rift, you know, something like that, especially when he's just, he's just had head trauma. The first time that was like, okay, I'm not sure what's happening. Has he, has he blacked out? Is he just coming to me? Yeah, exactly. But, but no, we're flashing back to back when he was, before he was Christian, remember, he was part of a evil atheist biker gang. So he's sitting there at a bar. Yeah. Like an atheist one. Like an asshole. He's, he asked the bartender. Let me get another round of water. She's like, oh, fuck. All right. Hey, you've been sitting here forever. You're the worst. You want your water straight up?

Really the worst. You're super popular with bartenders when you just all the rounds of Walter, the water time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he's sitting there having himself a water. And then the gang all come in talking about what a badass Bob the champ is. What? Okay. What is he the champ of? It's very clear that they've just thought, yeah, we'll just improvise some gang talk and we'll just do it in the moment. And it's like, yeah, this, yeah, Bob, he's, he's just done a fight. You're the champ of fighting, Bob, fight, Bob, you fought. Remember Bob, he's, he's just in a fight. You know, the champ of fighting Bob fight, but Bob, you fall. Remember Bob, Bob, Bob, he goes to champ is Bob, who needs a better name. And it's because that's like, well, that's because you just said it 11 times in your

own little imp. Also, Bob's like, really, I need a better name. Your name's Ringo. And that's dozer. I don't know. And who needs better names. You're, your real name is Maverick Van Hogg in real life. The actor, your Maverick spelled wrong. Van Hogg, just to be clear.

And Hogg spelled row two. What are you saying? Oh, yeah. Bob needs a better name. It's like, are we having the script meeting on screen? Because normally you do the off screen. Like, let's, let's not go with Bob. Let's come up with something better than Bob.

Yeah. By the way, I'm kind of mad that I know Maverick because normally you do that last week, like let's not go with Bob. Let's come up with something better than Bob, yeah. By the way, I'm kind of mad that I know Maverick Bob, I'm through the names so well. I don't like the things that I know now and get excited about now. I was like mad after I got excited about that. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's always a traumatic moment when you revisit the world of Christian cinema

and you're like, oh my gosh, it's the guy from the champ. And he was also an extra in the background of more than movie month from three years ago. Yeah. They also, I want to say this, the badass Biker gang members then do a toast to Bob. And I just really like the idea of super hardcore murderer drug dealers being like, may the river rise up to me, sure. I can't.

Well, what I love is when they then they they have to, I guess everybody's gonna cut of the winnings, whatever the hell that means. And they've all got this little, he's got these nice little envelopes to give everybody the, the winnings in. They're very nice paper stock. I think they're padded and they look. They look like they have a little bubble wrap on the inside. Yeah, they got rubber bands around.

So like Maverick Von Hogg, Dozer, had to go to Staples as a meth dealer gang by your guy and buy that stuff. Yeah. Just very quickly Maverick Von Hogg is Ringo Dozer is Simon, like the main character. That was his guy, Mike Hernave. Everybody who was lost just now. Yeah, in case well, it's gonna matter later. And also, this is also where we introduced Diego

because everybody gets an envelope of cash except Diego. Yeah, cause Diego lost the fight. And so he doesn't get paid for having fought Bob is what I can only assume is happening. I guess. I don't know why Diego would have taken that deal cause Bob is like three feet taller than him. Yeah, exactly. I couldn't imagine it's like, well I'm going to be fighting, but I assume I get paid for

the five. The driving down this giant. I think it was like a rock paper scissors tournament. I think that would be interesting. See, when he didn't have the money for Diego, I really wanted him to turn to him and be like, and you set up direct deposit, right, for the backer gang. Oh, yeah. What's your routing number?

I also really hope that this this method banker gang have got like a business account at their local stationary supply, because the thing is you're going to use a lot of those envelopes. You don't want to be buying them just off the rack. You want to try and shut up a deal, waiting. Yeah, absolutely. Buy in bulk. It's the only sensible way to do it.

Just Maverick on Von Haag with on the phone with you line. All right, so can I get a one one four? That shit. Could be robot interrupted me again. Yeah, it's just him with Dwight from the office. And that's the scene that I really want to see in this film. All right, fuck this. I'm calling WB Mason.

You guys your rates are ridiculous. It's under Mifflin. This is dumb. I'm a meth dealer. And by the way, don't use you line. They're terrible terrible fucking people. So, but is dumb. I'm a meth dealer. And by the way, don't use you line. They're terrible, terrible fucking people. So, but those are though, he does not take. Yeah.

Hate you line. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Look into it, you'll hate him too. No. This makes me so sad. I thought you had like an exit 96 B thing. No, no, no, no, no. It's like Christian Salish and creation.

That's how it's like. Oh, right, no, we've talked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I move that in the back of my head.'ve talked, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm mad that I knew that now. It's insane to me that you have to have that level of consciousness about businesses. You really do it. Yeah, we don't have that in the UK.

It's not like staples. Oh, yeah, no, they're super Mormon. You've got to be right. Exactly. No, don't go to Chick-fil-A, man. Oh, don't, yeah, right. They're, we have to, you really have to know here. You guys don't have theocratic paper companies.

All of it not. And also, by and large, you pay a living wage or at least a year. Yeah, right. We have to you really have to know here. You guys don't have theocratic paper companies and also bond and larger pay a living wage or at least a year or a year or a way. So again, we're doing all kit and place. You're big max must be so expensive. They don't even have a theocratic church of England. No, that's true. It's all guys. I mean, you've got the Jesus thing, but don't go too far with it. That's basically the state religion of the exact. Exactly. Exactly. Don't be. Right. He's fucking relax. The religion. That's nice. All right. So yeah, and by the way, Episcopillians, if you want that, you can use it, right? You can have them. It'd be a great little bumper sticker and everything. So, okay, but the key here is, Dozer Simon, he does not want in on the big money envelope celebrating.

He has a date. So he leaves the bar. Now, we've spent some time on it because it was hilarious and weird, but that was like an 18 second thing, right? He drinks some water and everybody comes in and goes, oh, Bob is the champ. Yeah, it goes not the champ. Are you going to stick around for your envelope of money? No, all right. Bye. That's the whole goddamn flashback. Let me get one more water. Actually, I'm leaving fuck you.

Poor it. Poor it. I want to watch you. Poor it. 18 second scene that you guys all had context for. On your soul. It is 18 second weird. And I thought has he got concussion from the wrench? Like an imagine. I wasn't even that sure. It was the same character. It was that fleeting a scene. Yeah. Right. All right. So out, but we come back from the flashback. He's walking around downtown in some shit hole, little city. And he finds his bike just to be clear. He just had like a 18 second flashback while he was standing in the middle of the street. That's

what happened. Yeah. He was in the middle of the street. He had that weird flashback. Then he woke back up still in the street, like in a different part of town because he's no longer at that motel. So yeah, we have to just imagine he was just wandering around in a stupid dream. I wanted to come back out of the flashback like wiping the drool from his chin. Every time it happens in this, in this episode. Yeah, but he just stumbles across his bike. I wrote in my note, shit, this episode almost had a plot for a minute there.

Glad they took care of that for us. Yeah, that was easy. He just wakes up and sees his bike right there. Yeah. And he gets excited. So he tries to start running to the bike. And operative word is tries. Yeah. Running. He tries to start running like I try to start dancing. And running. It's like I try to to start running very aspirational and nature. Yeah. Once you think about the fact that he was out of it while he was getting there, it makes me think that he just thought he's like a homing pigeon. But he just slowly gravitates towards his bike. It comes to where he's in. Simon just curls up inside one

of his side bags. He's a little beard out. Yeah, he gets confused when this is a lightning stall. McKay's knee equals missing. Yeah. Another giant starts spitting a worm into his mouth. I would buy that motivational poster. I'm just saying. But a special you can have that too. Actually,

right. But he finally starts running and he gets to the bike and he looks in the little saddle bag thing. And he finds his, uh, hello, kitty lunchbox that he has. And that's where Marsch just so to catch you up, that's where he keeps his Bible. He has a hello kitty lunchboxy thing and he keeps a Bible inside. That was not clear to me. He just went stuff. He was rifling through the saddlebags, which when you look at them from the angle, look like the bike is under half a tent. Yeah, I was wondering why he's got half a tent of the bike, but this suddenly all starts

to make sense. Okay, okay. I'm caught back up again. I'm right there. We're right. And then, and then he walks into the bar. This is parked right outside of bar. And he's like, oh, the, the people who stole my bike probably are right inside this bar. So he goes into the big confrontation while holding a Hello Kitty. Oh, such a fun moment. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. Right. The confident that they did not pawn his Hello Kitty lunchbox. He goes inside where the guy who stole his bike and a number of other characters are playing glowy poker. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of those big money cash games of four people at a bar in the middle of fucking nowhere. And they spent the extra

money to have that strip of neon around. Yeah. Yeah, I'm delighted. But here's the problem with that, okay, just from a lighting perspective, normally we reserve that sort of weird soft underlighting for like scenes that take place in heaven or in a dream or something like. So the whole time it just sort of subconsciously feels like they're playing poker in the afterlife somewhere, right?

Yeah. You watch way too much Christian stuff. Well, yeah, not too kind of under lighting. It makes you think Christian, you need to take a break. You need an intervention. You need people to take a break. But that's literally the language of lighting in movies. That type of lighting is usually reserved for dream sequences and shit like that.

Not like evil poker games that have no spiritual implication. Oh, but this has spiritual. Well, that's true. That, you know what? That's true. So I withdraw it. So yeah, he walks in and he's like you stole my bike and he's holding the Hello Kitty lunch box.

And they're all like, this is a weird juxtaposition. Anyway, the guy he cues is, is like, nope. I bought it six days ago in specific place. And the sheriff is one of the players of this game, the town sheriff we learn in the sheriff is like, all right, man, you're making a big accusation there. Do you have the title to the bike? It doesn't count. If you don't have the title to the bike in your hand right now.

And Simon's like, fuck, it's not on me, but he does not think to himself, all right, maybe I should ask if the clearly stealer guy has the title. No, just move on. Yeah, that seems like the obvious thing to do is like, you only accept who's buying this is if they can produce the title. Where's that guy's title? Never crosses Simon Doge's mind. Right, right.

Yeah, why do the keys have my dogs picture? There are other ways of the judicating vehicle ownership beyond his word versus mine. And I have the title right here. This show knows that, right? Yeah. Why was my Hello Kitty lunchbox in the pocket? Right. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. The sheriff might as well turn to him and go, no, no, he called dibs. Yeah. I was here when he said shotgun earlier about your bike. Yeah. Yeah. You have to be in view of the back. All right. You guys have weird rules here. Yeah. Well, we'll settle it legally. Uh, if dip dog shit, you, uh, not, uh, Ip dip dog shit, you know, right. But they decide to settle it with poker.

They're like, all right. Well, obviously, you know, we're an impasse with the title thing. That's how the law works. You can join our poker game, though. And maybe you can win the bike and Simon's like, cool. Yeah, that's how poker works. That's how it works. That, you know, the stealer guy definitely will have to put the bike on the table as a bet at some

point in poker. I'll make him and I'll win the bike. And it's like, it's, yeah, you can, you can try and win the bike back in a game of poker for which you will put up zero stakes. Will you do it or not? Well, obviously, yes, because it cost me nothing to try and get my bike back from this. This is not a high stakes endeavor at this point. Yeah, obviously, yes, it cost me nothing from getting my bike back from this. This is not high stakes endeavor at this point. Yeah, they give him chips. Because I don't have any money in there. They're like, all right, here's chips. You're playing now.

And he's like, okay, I wanted into cash. Those chips are immediately for more than the bike was worth. Well, jokes on you guys. Well, what's amazing is, and we need to address that because head bad guy who we're going to learn, like runs this town is like, that's a gift. And later on in the episode, right, he is supposed to go, but don't you remember I gave you your first chip. So blah, blah, blah, never happens. No, so he's just like, no, no, I just liked you. And I felt bad. No, we are going to be stacking up unfireed checkoffs guns for this entire episode

because nothing ever tried, but nope, they pulled the trigger on nothing in this episode. Yeah. And in some ways, we, we somehow managed to unfire guns that didn't previously exist. Yeah. Even lower sex. I did want this to be a reoccurring pattern, though, like halfway through the game, someone walks in and they're like, Hey, you're nephew. So my girl and they set up some milk cans and give them a baseball. All right. Now, you can not. But the reason he's playing ostensibly anyway is that they're at their last guy didn't show up, right? They needed it. They were

down another player. Because apparently this show thinks that you need a particular number of players to play poker. But just then Jesse, the character that gave him a ride earlier comes in. He was apparently the late player and they have to have the whole note. We already replaced you. He already sat in your chair. Here's what Jesse did. Jesse dropped the biker guy off at a motel and then the biker guy walked in a fugue state. The poker place faster than Jesse drove there. Well, Jesse had to take care of something else. That wasn't a lie. Right. Yeah. No. So Jesse actually had to beat someone that was in his vehicle. Yeah. Was it me? Someone? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no was no help. So are we supposed to assume that he's, has he like beaten somebody up and

then like put him in the trunk of the car in order to get to this game? Is that what the men to think is happened? Would solve it. And that will never come back. No, the person he beat, whatever the fuck he did, they will never exist or matter. It's just a reason for him to be 20 minutes late, which will also not matter. No, it doesn't matter at all. Usually when they fuck up a line this bad, you can tell what was supposed to go there, right? Yeah. But like in this instance, yeah, I was just rewind and it's planted over again, googling this phrase to see if it had some weird meaning to Christians that we don't know about, but nope, nope, those were just words.

Even the closed captioner couldn't figure out what was meant to have been this line on the official closed captions. The episode CeeCee guy had no fucking idea what was happening throughout this. No, it might as well have been the closed caption was just that shrugging emoji. Yeah, exactly. That's you're on your own guys. Well, and I should also point out that this is about the time in the episode where we start fucking up the poker, which is weird because they haven't started playing the poker.

Okay. Okay. So before we get in the poker, there's a thing that happens before we start playing poker, which is even still fucking up the poker, which is just before Jesse gets there, the nephew, the guy of the nephew, the bad guy who's the one who put a wrench to Simon Dozer's head gives the waitress who's given him a drink, a tip. And that tip is one of the poker chips. And I think this is important because they're not in a casino. They're in that waitress's bar. So at the end of the day, is she just going to like cash that chip back in?

I don't wait until the end of the whole cash game and get her one dollar out of the pot. Yes. It turns out, well, we can't say for certain it's one dollar because this. Yeah. Maybe like $20,000 by the end of the month. They move, but she's going to find whoever whoever won and said, I've got this chip. Could you, could you, could you spot me? Could you figure this out? It makes it.

Yeah. So, yeah, they finally sit down to play. This is the current state of the poker game. Apparently they're in a hand. Yeah. People already have a hand already. One guy already made a really big bet. Apparently, there's somehow no ante or

other chip in the pot. So he'd be huge into nothing. And also the dealer is shuffling. Yeah. Yeah. The dealer is shuffling. Midhand the cards overhand. Yeah. And face up face up. Face up. Face up as well. Yes. Yes. But a pair, but, but I think most importantly of all when Simon sits down, he already has a hand, there's a hand waiting there for him when he arrived. And I feel at this point, you ask for a redo when you sit down to a deal of shuffling face up to a hand that's already dealt for you while people have already put their beds down. I feel you ask for a reading.

So I'm no worried about it. We called for you on the first two rounds. We actually, we called with zero chips because there was no bedding, but now there's a huge bet we're in the middle of a second. Also second on Simon, it turns out you bet like $3,000. So we're just better in mind for what you're Yeah, maybe that was his bet. Maybe he made the big bet. Maybe he bought the part of zero right there. Good job, Simon. You got three grand. But the movie, I guess, I thought for a second, the movie realized how dumb that was and dealer guy with the sideburns is like, all right, everybody give me the cards back. We got a guy sitting down. But no, that makes it worse. Yeah. Now you just can't hit the head in the middle of

that. You can't do that. Backsy's guys, backsy's wrong. Also, you can't deal out ghost hands in the middle of the hand. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, there are no non-random spots to break into this story. So about to play poker is going to do it for our interstitial queue, but we'll be back in a minute with even more of the sons of thunder episode four. Ah, it's like fire. Do you want better teeth or not? Yeah, yeah, I want better tea. Hey, guys, I hate to say this again, but what's with the big bucket of brown liquid?

Yeah, this right here. So I'm just teaching Eli to gargle some scotch, you know, for his teeth to help out. Yeah, it's for my teeth. Eli, if you want to take care of your oral health, why don't you just try with a mouthwash from quip? Wait, quip makes a mouthwash? They sure do. Quip mouthwash kills bad breath germs helps prevent cavities and leaves you feeling fresh. Thanks to the formula that gives your mouth everything it needs and nothing it doesn't. Their four times concentrate has fluoride, zyletone and CPC, but they left out all the

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of quips four times concentrated formula at getquip.com slash awful five. That's spelled G-E-T-Q-I-P dot com slash awful five. Quip, the good habits company. All right. I'm in. What do you say, Heath? Hmm. I mhm i'm gonna stick with the scotch well i mean it's not for oral health reasons is it no it's not pt

i think i said it's time to write the fourth episode now of uh... sons of thunder episode four shit i said that you know what one take one take so just to sum it up so far siaman is an ex motorcycle gang member who just found Jesus. And now he's riding across the country trying to do things for people because of his mysterious backstory. Yes, the backstory, which has something to do with a child's lunch box. And also a Christian lady, he met in the biker bar who he went on a couple dates with.

Yep, exactly. So, so far he has saved a girl from a cartel, only to turn her over to ice. Yeah, he helped a dad stop being a jerk. And that lady made up with her poachers. Well, well, except for the one who tried to kill her. Right. Did he really turn some of the ice? Yeah, no, yeah, he sure did. Sure, literally. one who tried to kill her. Right. Did he really turn some of the ice? Yeah.

No, yeah, you sure did. Sure. Literally. Yep. So, okay. So, for this episode, I was thinking he's had a poker game to win back his motorcycle. Oh, I love those scenes and movies. Where it's like, call.

All in. Take two. Totally. Yeah, exactly. And then the bad guys will be like, jubble or nothing. Go, fish. Yes. So good. Sorry, the bad guys will be like, jubble or nothing, go fish. Yes. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry guys,

but I'm loving the enthusiasm, but I do any of us, any of us, any one of us know how to play poker. Well, I mean, yeah, you didn't just hear us say a bunch of poker stuff. Just imagine. Yeah, but like, I'm pretty sure the term go fish is just for, you know, go fish.

No, no, it means grab a car. It's pretty I'm pretty sure it's for all the games with cars. Yeah, I definitely heard that in Ocean's 11, which was poker. Yeah, yeah, you watch dosions 11. No, no, but I sat next to guy in a plane who watched it once. Cool. That's all we need. Go fish was in it expert. And we're back for the breakdown. When we last left our hero, he was about to sit

down for a Game of Glowy poker. But before we can get to that, we have to have another meaningless flashback lit this time where Simon's meeting his girlfriend that he left the envelope party at the bar for. Just to be clear, he is right now staring into space, having a flashback during his poker game. That's what's happening in reality. He's having a flashback. Oh, how good would it be if we had just cut back to the poker game and we just watched blood slowly get out of his ear? Right. I'm going to need you to not invite people I hit with a wrench to poker game. Just a little trickle from his left nostril and then he wipes the the drool off his lower chin. And they're like, sorry, well, well, I bet two drools.

Sorry. And look, it's been four episodes now. And each episode we've mentioned how much harder they're trying to stretch the 38 seconds of flashback footage they have to establish the entire first season. But just to be clear, what happens in this scene is we're going to go on a date. Yep, I hope it doesn't get canceled. Shit, it got canceled. Yeah.

That's the whole thing. That's the entire flashback. He meets the girl and the chick says, Hey, I'm on call tonight. So let's hope I don't get a text. And then he gets a text and he's like, Oh, I actually have to leave. Can you believe that? It's not even that. She says, let's pray.

Nothing happens. Oh, that's right. And then he gets a text cancelling the date. So they just disprove the power of prayer, right? He gets a text from angel of death in his phone. Yeah. And it says, get back to the club house. And he's like, sorry, baby, angel of death. He texted me right after we prayed to not have me texted by the angel death. So, Reynchuk, and she's like, all sad.

And we watched, this is Vanessa Angel is the actor. And we watched Vanessa Angel at the end of this flashback, just see her face. Be like, he verdammed again by the angel of death. This is obviously happening. It's so good. I love the fact that he saved the name of his meth gang as the name of the meth gang. Right. Yes.

Oh, I've just got a text from the mafia asking me to be taken by the harbor. I can't imagine what this is doing. Are they calling him from the company line? I mean, one of these guys that was texting it. Yeah. And if you go to the other side of the phone, call us like, right, try and call Simon. No, so you can press nine for an outside line. And then you can just go into the fall

of the angel of death internally. It's actually the assistant there. And then like, I got Mr. Meredith for you online, one. This didn't work out a question though, like, do biker gangs have time off? I just want to know how they work out like their shift rotation. Alright guys, let's go over the plan for the week dozer. You're going to be making the drop off to the cartel on Tuesday. You got it boss. And Jose, you're going to be running

guns up north. The the meeting is Wednesday, but if you can Oh, what I'm sorry, what's yeah, yeah, it's just I'd actually asked for Wednesday off. So okay, yeah, but ask for that. Well, you get you put it on the calendar, but wasn't approved. Um, I don't know. How do I know that? Well, you log in and you see if the data's blacked out. Oh, yeah, you can sign up a text alerts. Yeah, I signed up for text alerts. Yeah. Okay. Well, I need Wednesday off.

So can you cover me, Stabby Joe? Can you cover me? I mean, I actually Stabby Joe is doing corporate training on Wednesday already. Seriously? We did those like two months ago. It will happen. It's, they're quarterly. Oh, damn it We did those like two months ago. No, it will happen. It's they're quarterly.

Oh, damn it. Fine. Fine. I was gonna math on Wednesday, but I guess I'll just miss it. So enjoy your corporate training, Stabby Joe, I guess. I'm gonna do trust falls. Great. Exactly. So, yeah, but no, he gets called into his biker gang. So he drives off all loud and Exactly. So, yeah, but no, he gets called into his biker gang. So he drives off all loud and assly because it's a Harley. And that's the end of the flashback.

Again, we spent a little bit of time on it, but in reality, that plays out in about 20 seconds. I cannot explain to the listeners how often my notes end with, and that's the end of that flashback. Because none of them end with anything consequent. It's like, no, this happened. Oh, and, and that was that, I guess. Okay. And we're back to where we were. They have no concept of the cliffhanger. Right? So, okay. So we, we come back out of the flashback. We're back at the poker game and we have to watch. I have the character is wrenchy because he knocked him out with a wrench earlier.

Like it. Yes. His name is Tate. Yeah, Tate. Yeah, Tate than FU. So wrenchy is. Yeah, cool. He's with the bartender. We're going to really lean into this whole thing that he keeps giving her poker chips that makes no goddamn sense and flirting with her throughout the game. Right. And this is the part where he cheats, right? So, right, right, puts in the, the right. Okay. So, so fucking stupid. Yeah, this is where we're going to really start to dig into how the hell much does each one of these chips represent? Right? So he puts in one chip, right? One single chip, one single chip. He's simply important, a single chip. And they say, I couldn't

tell if that was a four or a six. So what? Which implies their denominating their chips, where one of them is a four and one of them is a six, which I don't know how many different colored chips you have, but that seems like a very unofficial way of denominating your chips. Sure is. We're using a binary system for our chips. We have an on and an off chip. We wouldn't have a six in that one.

Okay. So yeah, this is what I'm talking about. Upside down, yellow ones are six, the regular ones are four. It's so dumb. This is only going to make the eyelid on my right eye, twitch a little bit more as we carry on through the rest of the right. Oh my God. Right. So Tate gets called out because he put in a chip and he owed six to the pot apparently and they're like, that's just four. And he's like, no, no, I put in six.

You're like, well, it looks like four. And yeah, literally, I mean, just look at the tiny literally in the pot. This might represent four chips total. One of them is a six or a four. I paused it. There are five chips in the pot. There are five that are on the table. She's fucking eyes.

I mean, no, we know at least one of those chips is a four and one of them may or may not be a six. That's what we know about this. But what an incredibly low stakes line. Yeah, right. You're lying to up your thing by two, but like go for 10, go for 20, but no two. But here's the thing we don't know what that's two of. That could be two million dollars for all we know, right? Why have chips that are four and six though? Also, this is only going to get worse here. Four million and six million would still be silly. That's a ridiculous denomination.

As most of the, literally most of the rest of my notes for the rest of this episode will dictate this only gets worse. Yeah, all the rest of my notes are about how bad this gets in terms of denomination. You do not understand how to denominate chips. Yeah. But what's wonderful is that this is what they think cheating at poker is, right? It's like a tiny child trying to invent cheating at poker. It's like, what do you think? No, four-year-old Jimmy. No, four-year-old Jimmy.

It was no, six. That was the six. It was no. That one single chip you threw in was worth two some things, more than you said it was. That is the height of cheating. Yeah. Yeah. Still yourself a sweet tip for your water from the waitress.

Yeah. And then to make it even better when the hand gets settled, he goes to pair and Simon, our main character turns over his hand and we watch the actors go. Whatever is better than. Don't show us his part. They were not competent enough to show us what hand that might be that beats two pair. Yeah, they did not show us. They did not know, but even worse than that, I think, even worse than that. Just before they revealed their hands, someone someone says it was your call to the guy who just put chips in. So I mean, it wasn't I don't think it would. He just put chips.

Simon. And Tate wrenchy are the two people who said Simon's like, all right, fine, I'll pretend you put in six instead of four just now. I'm looking at it. There's five chips you obviously put in for. I'm going to let it go. I'll call the six. And then he says, all right, it was your call. And no, it wasn't no.

You just called. I walked with you said you called. That's what you just did. You literally just said. Yes, that guy shows his cards now, but you called that. Yeah, it's whatever I called you show. That's right. Real simple, but my favorite part of this is wrenchy is devastated at this point.

He goes on tilt because he lost the bed of six. Right. Well, actually four. Well, yeah, he lost two thirds of the bed of six. And he needs to breathe her outside to get off a tilt to relax. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay. and he needs to breathe their outside to get off a tilt to relax. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay.

And of course, this is so fucking stupid because of course, like pretty much every show that's ever had poker, they don't know how poker works. So the big reveal is that Simon beat him with the old had better cars tricks. So everybody like wanders off all pissing. And this is where so the main bad guy so far, who I have done as sideburns is wrenchies uncle. Yes, right? Uncle Richard. Yeah. Okay. Uncle Richard. Yeah. So uncle Richard is the main bad guy. And clearly this is his poker game. And he's trying to use it to get a hold of something sinister. Right. Clearly what you mean is you have inferred that

after the fact. Well, yeah, it's not clear at any point going into any of this remotely clear. No, because bear right, this is the guy who Simon does a turned up saying that guy stole my bike and the main bad guy lent him a lot of money to be allowed into the poker game. Right. I'm going to give you this money back. First of all, this is, this is an insane thing that I don't if I care about this more than you guys do. But Simon Doors are trying to pay the main bad guy back by throwing him a single chip. Yep. And saying that's for the buy-in. Now, the buy-in would have been, I imagine, the amount, the entire amount of money it cost you to be involved

in that game. So why would that be represented by a single chip? That is a waste of that denomination of chips. To represent the entire part. That is a waste of denomination. It's the all in chip, Mark. Yeah, right. All right, you're in for a hundred. Here's one chip. All right. Can I change that for something useful? I have to make change with it. You can't make change for the whole. We can't make change because no one's got enough chips on the table to make change. Right. So far we have four, six and all. Those are our combinations.

And Gimel. Well, this is where he tries to like cash out his chips. He's like, okay, well, then can I just buy my bike back from you? And he's like, no, no, you have to stay and play in the poker game. And it's like, for what, in what possible, what is the goal then if he can't buy back the bike? Right.

Well, no, he tries to give back his buy-in in the chips so that he doesn't owe any more money for what he was given for free at the beginning. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, okay, but you're up a bunch of money now. Just leave with all the money. Why are you like? It's still your bike one way or the other.

Presumably you have the title somewhere. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So, oh, and then, okay, so during this break, we cut outside where the sheriff, who is like, I don't know, I don't see no title here, like completely dismissed us, is now snooping around that bike to see if Renchi maybe actually did steal the bike.

Right. And a fucking course he did. Like do I apparently we're supposed to believe that this sheriff is genuinely surprised to learn that this was stolen. He does seem so. This is such a weird character reversal. Okay, so when Simon first comes in and was like,

hey, he stole my bike. What I got the show was going for was like, Oh, I don't believe you get it. I'm a corrupt cop. But then he goes outside and he's like, wait a second. Richie doesn't know motor cycle. And he's like, gosh darn it. So he is the dumbest, most incompetent sheriff of all time. Because I'm like, so wait. So is this how we handles all reports of criminal activity? Like somebody calls me and say, yeah, I think, you know, the, the Johnson boy was in my, uh, store stealing candy bars against like, well, do you have a title for those candy

bars? You're worried against it. Like that's just standard fucking response. Do you have a murder deed? What? Can you prove he was alive before the stabbing? Yeah, but I don't understand this town. So but yeah, and of course what the sheriff finds is like a jacket that's big enough to fit six of wrenchy in it. You know, like wrenchy could have used it as a sleeping bag, perhaps.

Oh, I really wanted wrenchy to come out and be like, oh, you found my jacket and he's just in this fucking circus. Yeah, it is. I love it. I love how it goes around my ankles. That's right behind me. Like I'm getting I feel like a bride in it. It is.

But like instead the sheriff just says to our character Simon Dozer, well, you know, Mr. Clinton, the bad guy, you're Mr. Clinton is the only reason this town is still breathing. And to be honest, I didn't know the bad guy was called Mr. Clinton, the bad guy, Mr. Clinton is the only reason this town is still breathing. And to be honest, I didn't know the bad guy was called Mr. Clinton. I assumed they would talk about the economic gains made under Bill Clinton's near-level policies and how they're effect on rural America. I am, Mr. Clinton really did do well for the rust spell, didn't he? But also, they talk about Mr. Clinton, the bad guy here, but how, you know, he, he funds the school.

He did the thing for the, the food bank. He, he feels the place. He sounds like the good guy. He's right. The only guy keeping this town afloat. We will, he will never do anything that would suggest otherwise accept twirl his mustache. Yeah. Right?

And be named Clinton. That is a pretty good name for a Christian movie. That, that you got to mustache. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And be named Clinton. That is a pretty good name for a Christian movie. That you got to give me that. What I love though is yeah, the cop is telling Simon. He's like, Hey, man, you can't go against Mr. Clinton. He does everything in this town. And Simon's like, so he even funds the police department

and the chair's like, when times are rough. Yeah. Like, how does that, what does he? Just litter extra right in front of you. Like, oh, I just dropped out. I'm gonna need another ticket. Like, how does that, does he just litter extra right in front of you? Like, oh, I just dropped out of here, so I'm gonna need another ticket. Like, how does that happen? But I think he does that, but he does it very smart way. He drops like $100 as litter, and that way they pick up $100.

Oh, there you go. They get the phone as well. So it's gumbling. Right, no, exactly. That makes perfect sense. Smart, smart. Also, this is where Simon asks a question that like, fucks up the plot of the movie by accident. They put it in there.

He's like, okay, well then, so his uncle's like super rich and runs the town. He's also apparently very magnanimous. And he like takes care of the public resources. Why would Tate, his nephew, steal my bike if the uncle has all that money, the family's rich? And sheriff's like, I don't know, man, for the plot, don't be a dick. his nephew steal my bike if the uncle has all that money the family's rich and Sheriff's like I don't know man for the plot don't be a dick And then I almost had dramatic sip as my best words Oh, yes, I'm in it's like all right bartender. Let me get a half glass of water neat

And he takes a dramatic sip of water, neat. Well, there's a moment where you actually watch the actor realize, oh, fuck, it's water. I can't do a dramatic sip of water. Fuck, fuck. But also this is where we established that the sheriff is Christian, just not, you know, Simon levels Christian. A pool of nothing.

There is a pause. And then he goes, I'm a Christian too. Also, you said that at the beginning of the episode. Yeah. But of course, in Christian television show language, what we're saying here is that the sheriff is might be doing some bad stuff now, but it's really eaten away at him because he's so Christian.

Right. Right. Yeah. Just those are the ones that have, you know, a conscious of some sort. I like that they have another little accidental line here. The sheriff admits he's like, yeah, no, of course I'm Christian, but it doesn't really help at all. I'm literally a black sheriff in Texas. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

It's as if all of this has really no tangible benefit to actual society or the way any of us live our lives. It's just right. We're in a helpful tube. I'm literally a punchline from Blazing Battles. So like, but then their nine second poker break is over. You know how you take a nine second poker break in between hands. Yeah.

So we can check and see who stole whose bikes, but then in between that like three hands, we've seen. Yeah. So far. Exactly. But then, oh, God, it's so wonderful. Simon fumbles shuffles these cars. And it was, I have to imagine for Eli, as the worst basketball sequence we've ever seen

was for Heath, or as the worst poker we've ever seen was for Heath or as the worst poker we've ever seen was for Heath and Marsha apparently. So he goes to shuffle this because he's supposed to deck and have it takes him like nine moves to organize the two piles of those giant fly everywhere. Do I make 10 piles one for each finger. Is it the riffle shuffle where he very clearly bends each of these calls into a perfect hemispher. Yeah, he folds. He folds two halves of the deck and half. He's he is a giant. So the deck just bursts into flames at this point.

And they're like, I have seen children make barbies kiss better and with more subtlety than Simon shuffles these cards. Oh, Jesus, it was wonderful. And then, and then we fucking to heat stroke our way back into the flashback, right? And so now, if you recall, the last time we were at the flashback, he got the emergency text from the biker gang to come back to the fucking biker hideout, which is the bar that he was at earlier. So he walks into the bar and he has to duck behind a table because Diego is throwing bottles at all of the other members of the gang. And he's doing it by way with the rhythm of a bad guy in a platformer, right?

Diego has somehow stumbled upon an infinite supply of Holding everyone hostage from the corner of the bar with his infinite supply of Perfectly timed bottles from a platform. Yeah, what is this end game? There's no end game. It's infinite. I assume it's that they all die of starvation. He actually, people that we didn't get into his backstory, but Diego is a hammer brother. So the motivation is he doesn't want him to get from left to right. I understand now. Yeah. Yeah. This this vision of what a bar fight is by the movie is fucking amazing because we get a bunch of that for a while. They've got a table propped

up as a shield because the infinite sub a bottles and they're all out of mind it. Finally, Simon's like, all right, I'll deal with this. And he quote runs over. Yeah. So fucking slowly. And as soon as Diego sees this giant has popped out from behind the table, Diego, he does that thing that like, you're a kid. One kid would like actually escalate it and the other could be scared. So it's like, I'll stop if you stop. I'll stop if you stop. Right.

We both stop. We both time out. We both time out. Too hard. He does that. Simon doesn't give a fuck. He just comes up to a slow motion big face slap. Oh, yeah, end of fight. Oh, it's a great slap punch as well, because you expect this to be like choreography. He's throwing bottles.

He's being kind of all rowdy. And Simon just like slowly saw him to something goes, kaboom, one slap punch across the face and he's down. And he picks him up and like carries him back with a sort of, what are you going to do? Well, yeah, I've got a mother's shoulder now. I literally, I almost used best worse fight choreography. I did.

I remember David A.R. White punch two three four in his way through movies and shit. So no, no. So okay. So meanwhile back at the poker, you fucking Simon wipes the drool from his chin yet again. I guess. And this is where Simon once again catches Renshi trying to short the pot. This time, but no, he doesn't. That's not what actually happens. This time into nothing. So, Renshi bets five. Uncle Richard is sitting behind him. Uncle Richard, for this was bullshit too. Uncle Richard is like, see your five. He puts a five chip in

and raise five. And no, you can't do absolutely not. This is for you. You have to say, raise right away. You have to put the raise chips in. You can't put in there and then see what everybody does. Yeah, you can't put in your call chip, look around and be like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Yes. And then it's back to Tate. There are three people in the Henshi. So Tate calls five. And somebody's like, you actually owe five more and no, you absolutely do not. Simon did. Yeah. Just count the chips. He started the fact. Yeah. Right. Exactly. It is absolutely not the case that he owes any more money to this but also I'll just point out that means because they put a single chip in and say raise you five, they also have a denomination of five. So the denominations we know about so far are four, five, six and everything. We have the denominations we know so far.

And infinity. Right. Yeah. But that's incredible. We haven't even described the dumbest thing in this hand. No. So that goes around. Tate correctly calls the raise by Uncle Richard, so did Simon.

So it's like, they're all in for 10. And then Uncle Richard is like, all right, everybody called my raise. I get to bet again now in this round. But he doesn't even do that. He checks his own called raise in the same round. He's not allowed to bet again. No, that's not how that works. And then he checks anyway.

Nobody is nonsense. This is like me trying to do nine bonus actions in D&D. And he's like, I go, okay, okay, we're getting into a lot of poker stuff. If you're not a poker, this is like, if a baseball team was like, all right, end of the ninth inning and I lost by two runs. We play piano now. I am playing piano. Like, we're just making, they're just naming what they think are poker words. He might as well

deal himself two extra cards and be like, call. Okay. But so here's the fucked up thing. After he checks this non-bet, Simon raises it. What are you doing? I don't know, but he's now, but he's now raised beyond wrenchies remaining money, right? So wrenchie can't afford to mash this race. Now there's a, there's a way this is dealt with in a game of poker that's already long established with a side pot and everything, but not in this uniform. No, a fucking course not. He's like, Hey, Hey, Uncle Richard, can you spot me some extra money? No, a fucking course not. He's like, Hey, Hey, I'm going to Richard. Can you spot me some extra money? No, absolutely.

No, very man. Add weird money to the table. You can't do this in every poker episode of a TV show. Sit comes, they all do this. People end up doing just like, all right. And I'm just going to call up my mortgage broker. Now I have a house on the tape that you can't. It's almost if you can't just bring into this point the deeds of a farm. I'll say fucking Holly Davidson, this whole plot is ludicrous. Oh, yeah. So, so okay. So he's like, can you spot me some money, Uncle, and Uncle sideburns is like, no, Richie, I can't do that. So Richie's like, all right. Well, I'll put the keys to this motorcycle on the table. Okay. Just to be clear, the bet was 10 call. Oh, you right, well, I'll put the keys to this motorcycle on the table. Okay. Mm-hmm. Just to be clear, the bet was 10 call, you know, got up to 10 each.

10- I'm Simon after the raise call check raise bet. Simon bet 60 here. So the bike is worth $50, according to the planter. All right, yeah, clear. The bike is worth $50,000. Yeah, it's worth 50 somethings. And whatever unit we're talking about here has to apply universally as to everything that

is possible to put on the table. As we'll see later, that includes real estate, which is worth about 50 somethings. Yep. This Harley Davidson is worth whatever Jesse's farm is worth. And I don't know if it's an insult to the farm or a compliment to the holly davidson. It's not clear. No, yeah, right. Exactly.

Apparently the farm was in debt, so it's negative. It's negative. Also, the prices of these commodities are very volatile and the damage will change drastically in a few minutes. Do you think that's why it's like, it's like Bitcoin, but at least these things, the shifting, that's what it is. There you go. Okay.

He called us, tweeted about a Harley Davidson and it was like, that's where they grand back. There you go. Jesus. Okay, yeah. But so apparently having given up on the, but I just own it still though, aspect of the motorcycle debate. Simon's like, yeah, no,

okay, that's fair, but he loses the hand. So, so Jesse wins the bike. And Simon is like, okay, well, then I will buy the bike from you for all of these chips that I paid nothing for. And we're back to square one, right? Well, and honestly, bad guy at this point might as well be like, no, you can't because, because then that episode would be almost 15 minutes. We still need to cover man. It's like two or three more flashbacks to do before we can get to that. Yeah. You can just give him the motorcycle, fucking the next day later. It's no. It's funny. It's funny. It's funny. Or he can just like call whoever's got the title and be like,

hey, can you fax this over to the police department? Yes. Marick von Hogg. I'm having this weird fucking night. But that's the, the ruling is like, no, you can't use chips as money in this poker game. You have to keep playing. These tokens are non-fungible. It's a poker CUMATEE. Yes All right, well, I'm pretty sure that Simon needs somebody to run behind him that like He's the good guy and probably shouldn't take orders from the bad guy So we're gonna pause for a minute

But first let me give back three the hard sell will the stakes of this poker game ever be explained Will the fact that wrenchie keeps giving the bartender chips ever matter? Will our hero have any effect on the outcome of this story whatsoever? No! No! Not at all! But keep listening anyway when we return for the, and then the good guy just one conclusion of, the Sons of Thunder episode four, spoilers.

Our stranger, your bet. Call. Uh, two. I'll call you seven. I'm all in plus a motorcycle. Oh, David, I fold. All right, check. What? You just called.

No, you got to move your queen. Oh, right. Uh, Whit Badger for me. Uh, the square root of nine. Okay, wait. I thought you fold it though. I have my fingers crossed behind my back. Damn it. Okay. Call checkmate. Nah, you something a battleship Here no lower lower. Okay, so you're lower back. Not you're off the whole back man. I told you the whole back. Hey guys guys, what's the matter? Oh, he's still feeling a little stiff from the plane.

Yeah, four flights in 24 hours, it's rough. Ooh. Well, if you're dealing with back pain, why not try the Thera Gun? What's the Thera Gun? First point deck. Oh, how dare you? I'm injured.

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That's Therobody.com slash awful. Therobody.com slash awful. All right, he looks like you'll be good as new in no time. You're gonna use the Theragon on me? No, I just assume you were born in pain, so. Yeah, that's fair. New. Mm-hmm.

And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action a little bit later in the poker ring. And okay, so RedGee is still there with a big stack of chips in front of him. How does he have more change? I don't because before he just went home and he went home almost on. Well, maybe he had different keys and his other pocket and he cashed those in.

I don't I feel like in his other pocket, he had a continue that he cashed in. And start again from the start with three extra lives. Right. Yeah. Pan over to the bank of chips and the money. And there's like nine motorcycles sitting inside. That's $450. I'm back in. Well, okay. So now here's the thing though. Okay. So at some point, this show sort of like tried to introduce the fact that Jesse's family farm is on the

line in this game somehow. I don't know if they're somehow all playing for it. Right, this isn't tournament style anyway, but I don't know how it's, but somehow we're supposed to believe that if Jesse wins this, he gets the deed to his family farm. I don't know if anyone else would get the deed to the fairly farm if they want. That hasn't been made clear. That's hard to tell. It's hot. Also, it's telling that at no point during this recording has any of us mentioned one of the people who are playing who is the guy in charge of the bank for the entire town who's brought the deed to Jesse's farm. That's right. Yeah. How little he does in this of an producing envelope once

to save them. They have this piece of paper. This piece of paper is the deed. Yeah. A. We jacked guy. He's also there. Yeah. His job is just human envelope. He contains a piece of paper once. I want to sign into snatching out of his hand, turned the sheriff. I have the title to his smart. Yep. That's the law. He's got it. I'm sorry. snatching out of his hand turned the sheriff. I have the title to his farm. Yep, that's the law. He's got it. I'm sorry. So yes, but Richie demands to know he goes into this like impromptu evil guy speech demanding to know why Jesse wants that crappy old dirt farm. Any who? Okay. Yeah. I have a theory, which is that wrenchy had a monologue and a good guy, farm guy, his head was blocking his cue card because he's in normal bad guy monologue.

But then he, and this is the quote, this is the dictation I took down. Why don't you take the money and go to the, do the, go to the play. Okay. All right. So at one point in this monologue, he says, and this is confirmed by the close captioning, he's going like, why don't you just take the winning issue, you've got now and move to the city. Quote, find yourself some local country's daughter. And quote, yep. What?

He also says, start going to one of those mega churches. Luckily, the close captioning informed me that that's what he said. That is not what I heard the same thing. You heard what you said with all of the scorn that I'd say those words with, but for exactly the opposite reason, yeah, why don't you go to one of those mega churches? Also, the idea that he can take all of his winnings from this, from this polka game and move to the city to buy a fancy house. They're playing for at most $100. Where do they live? Yeah, but there's going to be a Bitcoin situation. It's going to be a spike.

Something's about to happen. They're all playing with NFTs of this. And this is where we learn, I think what the show thought was a twist. Yeah, twist. Yes. Uh-huh. So, yeah, Tates given his evil speech and he's like, fuck you, you're gross and poor. We're tearing down the teen center. Good luck with moving to the mega church, fancy house, smart country, daughter, country

daughter. And then he said, he, the guy's head moves out of the way of his cue card. And this is where he says something he was actually supposed to say, I think part of the plot. He's like, good luck moving in with next to all the fancy people driving past your stupid farm on the highway. And then Uncle Richard is like, take shut the fuck up. You're messing up my evil.

So you're slowing down the game. And the sheriff at this point is like, wait a minute. I feel like you started to say evil plan. Oh yeah, yes. Stop. This sheriff is so thick. And this is the character I want to follow through the rest of the thing. He's just watching a guy get stabbed.

I think there might be a murderer for him. But that's the thing, because the stakes of this entire episode, the whole reason Simon Dolez is here is that a road might get built. Yet another way that this movie is like Roger Rabbit. Yes. So what did they think that even meant like their knowledge of poker is so much better than whatever the fuck they were trying to say about real estate here. And that is a low bar. So what I think we're trying, we're supposed to establish again, apparently this deed is on the line in the poker game.

And they're about to build a highway bypass that'll go right by that property and thus increase its value, right? Because you know how like people driving by really loud and fast makes your property worth more money. I think is that better? Well, yeah, because the property could, if it's owned commercially, yeah. I only assumed that it was not you owned that property and then the real estate, the people who are trying to build the road will have to buy that off you at a much higher price in order to build the road.

That could be it as well. Yeah, that could have been what they were going for. But yeah. We're like Google or Amazon is setting up their new big silicon Valley headquarters in Fuxstick, Texas. No idea. Yeah. But this is where the sheriff starts to realize this is going to make it. This whole, you know, all of this mustache twirling and evil poker games. Are you a bad guy? I thought I was an ordinary small town sheriff, just accompanying an illegal poker game, which is opened by a robbery of a stranger who was then invited to that game.

But if something off is going on here, I'm going to put a stop to it. And this is where the sheriff decides he wants to start cutting the deck from now on because he's on. Well, that's how we represent that he's getting suspicious. Yeah. But the way he says he's getting suspicious is I never got offered my cut. Right. That only to me thought he was annoyed.

He didn't get a cut of the land deal about the war being built. Yes. That's exactly what it sounded. I think the movie was just like, yeah, it's both. I don't know. It's fine. We're're gonna have that mean both. But the cutting the deck part means they've been cheating this whole time and Simon's still winning because Simon's won a bunch of hands.

Right. And so has Jesse. Yes, exactly. And they really said, well, because most of their cheating is like trying to get two extra dollars out of that. I'm cutting the deck. That's really changing. Yeah.

All right. Well, so, okay, so Simon Flash is back. And we open up this time as though something exciting is going to happen, right? We open up with Simon pulling up to a spot in the middle of nowhere with a sledgehammer and Diego tied up in his truck. Yeah. I really wanted to kill Diego. I really wanted to this be the scene where he

just slams that hammer straight through Diego's skull. And that's what we're going with as I hear it. We go gamer throwing style. Absolutely. Yeah, there's this amazing moment where he goes, I'm supposed to break your legs with this fled camera. And I wanted like a bunch of takes of him trying to hit Diego and Diego just keeps moving. Stop it. Come on man. All right, I'll hold you with one foot. No, no, just wait.

Stop wiggling. If I break your hip, it doesn't count. But it's mad because he says, I've decided not to break your legs, but I want you to act like I did. Okay. So Diego's got to pretend his legs broke. How is that going to work from here on? He's walking around with bugs, bunny casts around.

Is there any way that I can just get a cast from you? No, I know that you reserve those. It's a weird story. But yeah, he's like, I'm not going to break your leg. And he's like, why not? He's like, Jesus or some shit, right? He's too Christian to break his leg now. But again, like his Christianity turns on and off at the moment.

He's like, sure, I'll punch you out and lock you in a car and drive you out into the middle of nowhere. My Jesus hits at the leg breaking? Yeah, yeah, clearly. Also, just to be clear, Jesus is letting a meth gang exist, but stopping one leg breaking. Yeah, yeah. Also, just to be clear, Jesus is letting a meth gang exist, but stopping one leg breaking. Yeah. Jesus is an invention of a member of the meth gang. Do you think his Jesus kicks in a bit like back to the future when you go over a certain speed?

Like he goes past the idea. Oh, okay. He's in the hour. And Jesus kicks in. There we go. That makes 21 Jesus watts. Yeah. There you go. All right. So then we cut back to the poker game, which is getting more intense, I guess. And this is where all everything that we thought we knew about these denominations is thrown right out the fucking window because I paused and checked

at this point, banker, dude, sets down 18 chips in a stack. I counted and he says, I'll see your 15. So those yellow chips are 0.833 of. Thank you. That was a $90 stack earlier in the game, we saw it. That was $18.5 chips. And now he's like 15. So what? What is the number? The number of nations, a point eight three full five, six and 10. This is such an official. Yeah. Well, also, but then then he raises 10 with a stack of 11 of the same color chips. Well, he has the negative chips from the guy earlier. He was negative chips.

But yeah, Jesse bets the 15, which is nonsense, but whatever. Okay, $15 million is on the table, whatever. And then Tweed guy, he's in the hand, he goes, I'll see your 15 and raise 10. And no, you won't. No, you won't. The minimum raise will be 15 more there. Whatever. Yeah, even if that's not a rule, they just went with a super not at all dramatic race.

Why not? Yeah, I'll see you 15 and I'll raise you another one. And I'll raise you one. I'm not undercutting the tension of the moment I do. And one hug, who born? Yeah. We're doing random stuff out of our pockets. And then a day more. Also, at this point, after the banker has put down that particular bet, the big bad guy

sideburns, he himself starts to put bets in himself. But you were in the last time we bet. So what are you talking about? We're back in now. We play piano. And I call that before that I folded out now. But so but apparently what we've established here is there's a very large pot at stake here. Jesse has thrown the bike in now, right? The bike is the stolen bike is back in the pot. Yes. So Jesse puts in 17 thrown the bike in now, right? The bike is the stolen bike is back in the part. Yes. So Jesse puts in 17 plus the bike keys, which the banker matches with 20, which means that this point, the bike is worth three something. Now, this might be $3. It might be $30. It might be $300. But if one is $100, that means wrench guy has been tipping the waitress a thousand dollars

every time she brings him in. But they called of it somebody calls this or something and like officially, apparently for realsies though. But before they can start turning over cars sideburns, Uncle Richard notices that the bartender isn't wearing that diamond ring. She was wearing the other day. You can't just add rings to the pot. You can't.

There's no mechanic and poker for you to be like plus my ring. No, no, you can't add rings to the plot and you can't add plot with a ring. It's just like, and by the way, do I notice some other plot in this? Yeah, right, right. Quick in the middle of this. I'm sure it on plot. Can you back me up with some plot? Yeah.

And so Renchi, who I guess gave her that ring or whatever gets all pissed off, he jumps up, he grabs her by the arm and Jesse, the guy who's playing for the DDo with the family farmer, whatever, jumps up and punches the fuck out of Renchi. He beats the fuck out of him out of nowhere. And the thing is this wrenchy nephew tased thief guy, or he looks like he's like, what are you doing to the waitress? Stands up, look confrontational.

So then Jesse just springs on him. And if someone thinks you look like you might be about to assault someone, and then you preempt to be pouncing them and start to beat the fuck out of them. You're the one in the wrong for beating the fuck out of them. Not the person you think might have been doing something wrong. For so long, like we cannot convey how long tape sits on top of wrenchy and punches him. Yeah. The only assumption I can make is that the sheriff who is about to bolt eight off of him was at crafty and was like, can you get a bean and cheese burrito and while Tate crushes his head like the fucking mountain game.

Well, it also, it doesn't help that they've used the sound effect for like, you know, that you would use if he was hitting him with a large bag of bricks, right? Over and over. And then the sheriff breaks it up and arrests wrenchy. He arrests, but he did look like he was, he did look like he was going to hit that girl though. I, I looked the other way and a little grandson of Dotto, but come on, looking angrily at a woman, that's a little mudge in my book.

Yeah, when you stood up, you had a real mean expression on your face. I mean, before that expression was beaten the fuck off your face by the guy who counted you in the dirt. And then fucking Simon is like, okay, I've had so little to do with the plot of this episode. Can I go now since one of the players is under arrest? And the sheriff is like, Oh, no, we are going to resolve this with poker. I am the sheriff. This is the law because he says I apparently getting arrested for Regius, just like losing

all his chips is in poker because he gets arrested. But then he's still playing poker with them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But this is also where we reveal this is I believe Eli's best worst twist that the bartender has secretly been Chessie's fiance this whole time. That matters. In 50 years. Doesn't that. No, no, no, scene can bother to pretend that matters. Like why would this? And I want to just point out, okay, so I was because I forgot how to properly underestimate the writers for sons of thunder. I assume the way we were going to go with

this whole story is that he loses all his money and he's lost the family farm. Jesse, that is. And then the bartender girl sits down and is his secretly his wife or his sister or whatever. And with the like 18 bucks that she's gotten tipped from wrenchy this whole time, proceeds to use her world champion poker skills to win it all back. I thought that's where we were going. That's a good plot. Well, it would be dumb in 11 fucking ways because why would he be giving her the chips? But since we were there anyway, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very She puts down on the side 12 black chips. We should worth anything between like $24 and like $1200 at this point. Yeah, no, it's like buying and selling bells on animal crossing. Who the fuck are you?

Yeah, she sets them down in front of Jesse. The hands over and she's like, plus he had these 12. Yeah, so what? I'm like, oh, I also bet whatever was in my pocket when he was bestie. You're not in the game even though. Yeah, but then I guess at this point now that those 12 infinity chips have been added to the pile, what would you do that?

Jesse should have just been like, well, no, I'm already all in. I get to see his cards. Now you're just adding money that I give if I lose. It's really not helpful. Yeah, it's already all in. I get to see his cards. Now you're just adding money that I give if I lose. It's really not helpful. Yeah. Most of I could not have had. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's something I can put into the side pot only I can win. Yeah. But that this is where sideburns decides he wasn't really playing poker at all this whole time. My good quit. We all quit. No more game.

No more poker game. What sideburns is saying is I don't want to play poker somebody who just pounced on my nephew and started to beat the fuck out of him. I am the bad guy. Yep. Exactly. And the sheriff is like, I'll be damned if I let you quit this poker game in the middle of this poker game in the bar you own.

No, I called interference, do overhand doesn't count. No, no, you've done that a couple of times now. At the end of the show, we have to show the cards. But yeah, so it's time to turn over the cards and it turns out that Jesse, the underdog that was playing to win back the family farm, had a straight flush. Fuck you. Flash fuck you This this annoyed me a lot. I love you're not like a dissertation

In the middle of this one like so first of all First of all the bad guy thinks he's cheated and says do you think I believe you magically came up with a hand? No, because if he magically came up with a hand, that would have been cheating. Right. You don't have to believe in magically. That's not the way of explaining why this isn't cheating. But the thing is, because obviously when he shores this straight flush, Simon Dawes of the Christian is like, ma, you see, that's just how God works. He brings you a straight flush now. And then that's the kind of miracle that God does. But the thing is a straight flush. The chance of a straight flush in like seven card Texas Holden is about three and a half thousand to one, which is not that like it's not that common. It's very

uncommon, but it's significantly lower by the time they call it. Right. Because you already know there's five cards in the middle, three in which at least would have to be indicative of a straight flush. And once you've got that on the table, you know you're looking at the, you know, the odds of him having two of the possible four cards that could finish that flush from the remaining cards that aren't on the table. There's five cards on the table, so you know two of them can't be that. You've got two cards in your hand, which also tell you that they can't be that. So at this point, you're looking at like maybe four cards in 45 remaining cards, times three cards in the 44 that remaining. So you're roughly speaking, looking at the

odds of about one in 165. And the Christian smuggly claims that's a miracle from God. And this is exactly what from religious people. Yes. They don't even realize they're taking credit for basic maths. That one in 165 chance could not have happened without my all powerful God intervening. Yeah, they're saying God is in charge of random cards, but he just happens to make him work out exactly like you'd expect over the long term.

Yeah. That's what's outing. But just to prevent an email from the nerd poker nerd that we're going to get, it would be me possibly to prevent any from me to myself. Yeah. The chances of that. So yeah, it's, there's 45 unknown cards, but half of those remit, those four cards that could complete the straight flush, they're, they're, it's actually not quite that, it's,

it's not quite that simple. There's the, it could be in the middle of the flush. They could be once you get one on the outside edge of that, then it obviously didn't, means you can't get the two to the start event. It's still not more than one in 300 say. Yeah. Well, yeah, it depends. Yeah.

So if there's like three connected cards, like seven eight, nine of spades are out there, you could have either the 10 jack or the five six or the six 10. Welcome to what you could have. You could have the jack six or the 10 five. Sure. Or the 10. So it's actually half that it would be like one in three 30 if it was seven, eight nine on the board or something connected like that. It'd be a little different if it was 789 on the board or something connected like that, it'd be a little different if it was unconnected on the board. If you take it, we're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with.

We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with.

We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. We're talking less than you can deal with. 45 C two and like three of them would win. So yeah, one in 30 connected. All right. Yeah. No. So with that, with all of those emails avoided, we'll move on. All those emails from me. Can I write an email about not liking that part of our podcast?

But okay, but here's the thing though. So the moral of this story then is that when you're in tough times financially, if you're Christian enough, go bet the family farm on a guy, game a high stakes poker, God will sort it out. Literally bet the farm. That's the goddamn moral of the goddamn story. Also bearing in mind that Simon Dozer is our like Christian interventionist character. All of this would have happened without him and yet he still takes credit. Yeah, exactly. Yes, he would have turned up to that game and he would have played anyway and he would have won anyway regardless of whether Simon was there or not.

The only way he could be less involved in the miracle of this episode is if he was watching this episode of some of the literally we had as much effect on the outcome of the plot as he did. Yeah, it's pretty fucking weird. Also, just one other thing on this hand. Okay. The guy, the weed guy, if you're talking about more matches, I'm going to taste you. I have sevens over fours. So full house. He's got seven trip sevens and a pair of fours. That's his hand. Jesse has the straight flush. But in order for that to be, they had this huge set of betting all all before this, a big bunch of betting. The best possible

starting hand for each of these people would be a pair of sevens for the tweed guy and 10 jack suited connectors for Jesse and they're betting huge going into all this thing. Absolutely not. Nothing. None of this. So good that you cleared that up. Thank you.

Okay. So he's just just to, I feel it's important we dig into this further. Oh God, are we doing the math again? What's the three card flop in that case? No order food to get to this point. Yeah. Okay. So in order for that seven, there's the trouble of just cutting that out later?

Okay. So the guy with the pair of seven spikes trips. Okay. So that, so you know, a pair of pocket paris is decent starting hand. You could go through and once you spike your free. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was already going to cut a lot of this. Yeah. I was just adding. But 10 Jack guys for him to be in that whole time, it would have to be like hatred extra

and I don't have anything. It has to be seven, nine, 10 and Sudden connector guy has four out of a straight flush already. 96 degrees. I am stupid poker doesn't even talk about your bullshit board game. Whatever. No one fucking cares. All right.

So now I had my air conditioner running during that. All right. So, but and then and then the cybers is like, well, if God got involved, it doesn't count. You can't have your family farm back. And the share of punches to shit out of them. It's just the ever loving fuck out of them. The effort to redeem this sheriff by the end of it is in some kind of weird overdrive. They've like overhit the goal. And now I'm a swing back, I guess. It's like the sheriff burst into the room where the writers were punched one of them out and started to write the second of the episode.

This, this isn't good law enforcement because the guy he just punched all he did, all he done was mislead people overlandied. That's the entire thing that we know he's done. So the sheriff punching him is just police violence. Yeah. The warranted level of police violence. Absolutely. I guess it was just to make the episode a little more American

for you, Marsh, but but apparently based on this hand, which had like 27 units in a total or something based on that, the game is over now. Everyone wasn't all in right because like because Simon still has chips Right, yeah, what were they were they all playing until a certain timer until one of them got punched unconscious like what was the No fucking idea, but Jesse has his deed back and the bank goes him a bunch of money. Damn it The stakes in this game are goes him a bunch of money. Damn it. The stakes in this game are incredible. The amount of money on this small part in the table is enough to clear the debts on all of his land. Give him the deeds and the bank owes him a check. What are we playing with here? How much was he tipping the waitress here? It's all right.

Because Jesus and then and then Simon says like, I don't want my winnings. You can give him to Jesse. I just want my bike back. I'm like, but don't want my winnings. You can give them to Jesse. I just want my bike back. And I'm like, but why wouldn't you, you quit, but you should take the winnings, though anyway. Like God clearly did that too, right? In your mind, but no, he doesn't have to eat while you're on the road, mate.

Come on, take it, take $20 at least to get yourself a tackle in the way. Yeah. So Jesse gives them the keys. He's like, yeah, sorry about that. I actually needed you for a super convoluted plot. I don't. I have no idea what actually happened.

I needed you to observe a super convoluted plot. I need you to be a passive observer on this drama. I'm sorry. Well, and then Simon even says, he's like, well, I guess at least now I know why I was here. And I'm like, well, we the audience don't because you didn't do anything. You helped us out. Because we're watching him.

You go ahead and tell us, man. And then, okay. And then we epilepsy our way back into the flashback one last time. That flashback of that time, he didn't break that guy's legs. So he walks into the bar and he he didn't break that guy's legs. So we, he walks into the bar and he asks us the bartender for a drink. He says, Dixie, I need something stronger. And I wrote, then water, that's literally everything. Everything is stronger. And she pours him a brimming shot. Very generous. She pours him the shot that douchebags at Heath

TGI Fridays wanted him to pour for them. Yeah, an uncomfortably full shot of Jack, like surface tension only, you gotta lean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, open off the top of the glass level of Jack Daniels. Jack, get twisty straw. And then just then, just as he's about to take his actual drink of alcohol, Diego burst into the bar, yells, Hey, and then we hear a gunshot. But before we can see the conclusion of that gunshot, that nine second flashback is over, guys. Yeah. I really teasing us for sons of thunder episode five. Isn't it though? Aren't we all very excited now to see how that worked out? But okay, so we get back out of the flashback. Apparently they have pokered all night long. Yeah, with all seven hands that they've played.

Yeah, yeah. One hand is a cool wild per one. Well, to be fair, we have evil speeches in between hands about teen centers. I got it. Also each of the plays, all hot, also had to go back to the list of which hand beats which hand to soul go I have to pass me this to get a second one. Let's have a quick look. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You'll tell it And then you to be fair like they have this weird sister where everybody just gets to keep betting whenever the fuck they want Any amount. It's unlimited. I check again. And you guys have to figure it out.

There was also unlimited buy back in. And oh, God, just just every round of betting just ends with every looking each other, waiting to make sure nobody goes. Raise one. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. Are we done?

Are we done? Start breaking ships into pieces. I raise a wrap up. Happety. So, yeah, so they all walk out of the bar in the early morning. Jesse and the bartender girl are like, so should we take my car? And he's like, wow, we could just walk around for a bit. And then they just walk off and like, why would you? You guys have been up all fucking, you have to smell terrible by now. I guess they don't know.

First, but we'll just wander to our farm that we own now. Yeah, let's just walk out of scene, I guess. Yeah. So they leave and now it's just the sheriff and Simon, the main character, still standing around. And the sheriff's like, what's in the bag? And Simon's like, it's my Bible. And he's like, oh, why do you have a Bible

in a children's lunch box? And he's like, one time a guy told me I sucked. And the sheriff's like, Are you saying I suck? And then Simon's like, Are you saying you suck? And that's the idea. And then he rides off into the sunrise. That's how bass acquires this whole fucking thing is they haven't right off into the sunrise at the end All right, so that's the episode Mars I have to ask now so you've seen episode four are you going to binge the rest of this series as soon as we wrap up this record I'm gonna wait for the movie I don't spoil the pureflix universe. I'm watching how the cards all develop over time.

Yeah. No, that's fair. That's fair. All right, dude. Well, thank you so much for hanging out with us. I know it was only 35 minutes long, but there's nothing that we ever asked you to watch that's actually short, you know, and all of this on its own time dimension. And while that's going to do it for our review of Suns of Thunder episode four, that's not It's actually short, you know, and all of this on its own time dimension. And while that's going to do it for our review of sons of Thunder episode four, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to assure everybody that we haven't come to our senses yet. So Eli, tell us what's on Jack. Well, Noah, we'll be watching God's not dead for we, the people.

I am so excited All right, so with that to look forward to we're gonna bring this episode to a merciful clothes once again Huge thanks to Mars for hanging out with us today Be sure to check the show notes for links to all the cool shit that he does also and even huge Thanks to all the patreon donors to help make this show go if you'd like to come to something like their ranks You can make a prep episode donation patreon.com slash god opal and they're by your early access to an ad free version of every episode You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows,

this gave the G80 citation native D&D minus and the skeptic grant available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email gotoffamemusicemail.com. Legal Services for this podcast provided by the law, this is a P.A. Drittoris. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik and people to drop some Mars. All other musicals were written and performed by our're a Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a drink your life this week for Heath and right knee-like Bosnick. I'm no illusions from Storark Hard to Earn another try

next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. In the 2019 World Series of Poker Main Event, God cheated on behalf of Muslim poker professional Hosein and Sun, helping him win $10 million dollars God is Muslim. Is that time? The sheriff realized later that selective good guy is a different way of saying bad guy and arrested himself.

That new bypass road eventually got built and destroyed the town's only successful business model stealing motorbikes from strangers. If you'd like to purchase Martian Heats audiobook, poker math for bored people, you could do so on audible.com or wherever audiobooks are available. Do I need to be American in this one? Yes.

Oh, people love it. I mean, I'll try, but it's not good. The people cry out for it, Marsh. Don't you, don't you be reasonable noise me? How do you say to people who say that they shouldn't be crying out? How are we filled with Hitler's? What would you just say to people who doubted you, who didn that people the people really have some words right please how do you feel about Socratic dialogue

I was gonna say PCB I really was Get some fucking map It's really funny that somebody's paying me to be their spokesman on oral health They're in my blood. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I should have left that much. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2021

all rights reserved.