God Awful Movies - 321: God's Not Dead: We the People

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

This week, the gang returns for an atheist review of God's Not Dead: We the People, the story of David AR White running out of things to even be imaginarily persecuted by. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Alright, so then we're gonna cut over to the movie's other main villain. An education reform bill that those damn Democrats are trying to pack. Sorry, I'm just, I'm writing the villains on the board right here, so we've got social services and educational reform. Okay, I'm putting them on the villains. It's so sad how they've run out of stuff by part four now. So like the government wants to make us do algebra, do you hear the people being saying it.

Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be I left is my good friend Heath and right he's welcome for real. He's so happy It's so stupid and bad. It's the fucking best. What an amazing way to come back from vacation, right with a bang Oh, yeah, and of course sitting nine out of our boss to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli How are you this fine afternoon sir? We've been looking forward to this one since before we started the show.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched God's not dead for. We, the people, it's the people. It's the story of why Christian parents, they need to put critical race theory in their homeschool curriculum for six year olds right now. If they do not do it, the atheist government is going to execute every single one of them in 10 seconds. Nine, eight.

Oh, what I love so much about this movie is that they're arguing against an argument nobody is making, but they're making a really good argument for the argument that no one's making. Yep. So they can't help but punch them. So it's their movie. If the three hundred and twenty one episodes of our podcast ever theme, it's it's your movie. You didn't have to say that part. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the classroom drama of the first God's not dead, but you've shifted the goal posts of evangelical Christianity from believing

in God is my right to I think I'll overthrow the US government. You will love this movie. I like to think of it as our job's not dead. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, but I'll tell you what, nothing exemplifies the downward trend of evangelical Christianity better than the God's Not Dead series, really. Right, the descent into insanity that we've witnessed over these four films.

Oh. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? I'm gonna go with best worst secret backstory revelation from a main topic. There could be so many. I know exactly what you, what was that about? Okay. I won't spoil the actual moment entirely here, but here's something equivalent that happens.

Imagine there's like, you know, people at a bar and they start talking they're they're talking philosophy of language. And the bartender runs up to them and is like, actually, Vidconstein said the blah blah. And they're like, Hey, man, you're a TGI Friday's bartender. And then the bartender is like, well, actually, I went to Harvard and I wrote the seminal work on Vidconstein. and it's that level of ridiculous and I'm socrates. Well, it's up that the person like he would have to have unrelated credentials,

right? Impressive, but unrelated credentials. Right. Yeah. The bartender made way more sense that I just made up. Yeah. Then what happens? Yeah. He's talking about Vickins need, but he's a world famous neurosurgeon. Yeah, you like remember that kids in the hall skit where they would always start everything by going like, look, as a bow donor, I think I'm designed a little bit about the music

industry. You know, it was like that. Yep. Okay. So of course, we had to go see this in theaters during the 18 second window. It was in theaters. So I'm going. It's gone.

It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone by the time we recorded this. So is the lie where they pretended that they were the number one movie in America. Yes. You couldn't even pull that off for number one movie in America on Tuesday at seven. Oh, fucking reruns the old. Yeah, I went to the theater and I watched like 50 people go into Venom and me by myself pretty much going to this and like three old couples. So, but really, I related to those three old couples, I'm going to go with best worst super fans.

So I'm going to talk a little bit about them during the review, but the couple that shared my row in the theater, I'm going to go out on the limb, say those people have seen more David AR white movies than I have during while we were waiting for the movie to start. They had their phones up. They were watching the preview for this movie over and over again until it started pumped. Yes. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if they slept in fucking line to get tickets. And they were like, guys, it's not sold out.

You can do this on, please, online, please, please, go home. No, it's actually sitting next to David and Andrea and they're separated by three seats. Speaking of which, I just want to point out that like statistically, me, Heath and Noah going to see this movie in theaters full of David A.R. White fans is the most dangerous thing we will ever do in our entire life. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. And I think the 15th leased vaccinated county in the goddamn country. Yeah, there was not a single, not a single vaccine in sight in any of our theaters. I'm just saying we sacrifice for you people. We sacrifice. Yeah, no masks, crowded theater, no vaccine.

Yeah, of course not. And speaking of which, I was going to go with best worst last minute anti-vaccine. I'm going to say for now, mama, let's save it for the moment in the movie. Oh, I was kind of scared because my gas at that moment in the movie gave me away. They knew I was a bad guy when I gasped. So yeah, no, it was, it was frightening.

Of course, might as well walk in at the end and be like, I use Ivermectin, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. And this is my boy son. Alright, well I'll tell you what, they managed to squeeze a shocking amount of crazy under their 110 minute run time so we're gonna pause for a quick stretch but when we come back we're gonna dive into the bountiful bucket of bullshit that he is.

God's not dead. We the people. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay, but you can just tell him that labeling other people's food doesn't make it his, right? So I feel like that's gonna confuse him. Hey guys, check it out.

Look what I got. Wow, Keith, what are all those? Oh, these are my excuses not to go to therapy. They're sure a lot of them. There's a lot of them, yes, there are. Anytime someone points out that talking to a professional about the things holding me back might help me, I hit him with one of these bad boys.

Let me see one of these. It's too expensive. The therapist might turn out to be a bear. The bear, exactly. Therapy sounds too much like Terry, and people might think I'm friends with a guy named Terry. These are pretty weak. Why don't you just try better help?

Oh, what's better help? Better help will assess your knees and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. It's not a crisis line, it's not self-help. It's professional therapy done securely online. Ooh, sorry Noah, got one for that too. I need a therapist who is as good at smash brothers this may. That's not that is a deal breaker. Absolutely. Actually, he better help has a broad range of expertise available that might not be locally available in many areas. So if you need a therapist who's LGBTQ friendly,

sex positive or trans affirming or good at Smash Brothers, they can help you find someone. Okay, but what about the cost? Actually better help is more affordable than traditional offline therapy and financial aid is available. Oh, wow. Looks like I'm kind of running out of excuses. Well, thanks to better help.

A lot of people are. And right now, God awful movies, listeners, get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful Okay, but this therapist better be great at smash brothers, okay He's and not just with Pikachu multiple characters. They have you have to learn other ones Don't see why that star Fox Fox sucks You suck catch

He's pretty good actually. You wanted to see us, Mr. White. Guys, please call me David. Come on in, I'm just finishing my workout. Yeah, are those gravity- Gravity-beauty- Yeah. Do you know that the Earth's own natural forces

provide a 360 degree resistance for an optimized workout experience. What? I didn't know that. No. Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Only workout I do. Anyways, you got that script for me? Yeah, so we did what you asked and transcribed every video of a guy wearing camo yelling to his phone in his car,

and then we put the words, I am a liberal in between. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah, that's going to be God's not dead for. Mr. White, David. I'm talking, yeah, David, can I be Frank? Oh, please, of course. So look, I get the first movie in this series

was a response to the popularization of debate in religious spaces. Right, like people became aware of atheists versus Christian debates. And so making a movie where you unequivocally won one of those was a good idea, but You know the Christian goalposts have kind of Shipped it and I Yeah to overthrowing the government and spreading a plate. Yeah exactly. I'm gonna sit the goalpost now

I see I see. No, that's true. That's true. Uh, but counterpoint Yeah, okay, go ahead This franchise is worth 96 millionpoint. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. This franchises worth 96 million dollars. Yeah. Okay, that tracks. Yeah. Good stuff. Okay. Moving ahead. One of the thing though, sir. Sure, hit me. Feels like you're stuck and you need help getting down. Do you need help? Very much so I've been up here for hours. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll get his arms. Okay. He's so sweaty. Oh, no, some of that is P. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown, but not the movie quite yet because before the movie could start, Dave shows up to deliver this fucking

Brambling podcasting introduction about how glad that we're here to support him unlike that bitch Andrea. It's so good. Oh, just like, hey guys, David A.R. White here. I live in this trailer now that I walk out of. Clearly. Oh, hello to you. My ex-wife owns half of it. Oh, no, she has the half that has the bathroom in it.

So my half is Alexandria sticks her head out the window. You're we said you wouldn't do this on my side. You're on my side. That's please move the cameras forward, guys. Please. So he starts thanking us for being there telling us that the inspiration for this movie actually was the violation of church state separation. We were pretty stoked about that. He explains to us that the movie is relevant. Yeah. But in as vague away as possible, just in case the news like hasn't caught up to his movie, he's like, and wow, a lot of the things we talked about in this movie, you care about, right?

Yeah, it's also very well, it's very well-lighted. It's, I know you were probably going to say that yourself, I'll just go ahead and say it. Cameras, sound, we had those boomy mics, the to say that yourself. I'll just go ahead and say it. Cameras sound. We had those boomie mics. The ones that come over the top. We got a bunch of those. You can't even see them in the shots. It's pretty amazing. Also before you ask, why do I look wet and dry at the same time?

I have no idea. I don't know how I do this. I'm lacquered is what it is. So at one point, by the way, during his little ramble, he says, and I think this is pretty much a quote. He says, uh, yeah. So, uh, sit back and relax. We're going to have space ships and car crashes and explosions.

Okay. Well, maybe not. Space ships? No. Were there space ships? Did I miss it? No. Afterwards, he kind of chuckles that off.

He's like, no, we're not going to have, is not a real movie. It's not a real movie. You guys know laser guns and boobs and now I'm just can we're a fathom event which means that we're either the opera or this thanks for coming to the movies on a Tuesday literally the cheapest legal place to rent the movies. Okay, but and then he's like so let's's get the movie started, but first let's take a look back at better times when I was still married and my movie's got like normal theatrical releases. They literally made us a previously on God's not dead clips. Yes, I brought a clip.

Yeah, gotta and it'll never matter, right? Nothing from the last movies carries over. Nope. Nope, except for some characters that I didn't remember and have nothing to do with this one. But which they didn't introduce in the clip. No. Exactly. Right.

Alia, the Muslim girl who we will be introduced to never by name in any way or no one will ever reflect her story to us. She's from two fucking movies ago, everybody. Three. Yeah. So, okay, we wrap that up. Then we get the production logo, which I have to mention because the name of the production company is pinnacle peak pictures.

Pinnacle peak, I'm sorry, anyway. Acme zenith, patop. Yeah, done. Pictures. And then we getop. You see, yeah. Done pictures. Yeah. And then we get America free to me, Eagle Ronald Reagan. Those were literally my first five notes. And they have the best worst Ronald Reagan speech.

The one where Ronald Reagan's like, you're probably all wondering what the fuck I'm doing in this last couple of years. Well, I have terrible, terrible dementia. I'll tell you what, there's a boogie man behind you. Boo, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Google my signature. And at a certain point, it's pretty much just a shit smear. And of course, we're just getting there. We're getting the Ronald Reagan speech with Americana in the background. And this

resolves to Davey, like nervously preparing for something in a public restroom. It will not be as exciting as I just made it sound. Nope, it is not. And a little theater note here, because this was so important to me. My theater was filled with nothing but Christians and myself. My Christians were doing not one, not two, four seat rearrangements.

If you want to know the average intelligence of David A. or what audience, it's that they get which movie seats they're supposed to sit on on their fourth try. Yeah, by the way, he's sweating into a bathroom mirror at this moment. We see him for a second. And it's supposed to be like in a legal drama, the lawyer is about to maybe get his client from being executed for something you didn't do. But we find out later in the movie, he's just, he's just going to be talking a little, he's going to say like

five sentences to a panel. And that's it. And there's no consequence to it. He's all sweaty. He is psyching himself up for a time period where he will be allowed to talk with no consequence. Yeah. And the thing is is that honestly, I don't even know if it's that or if he's just always that fucking sweaty and he's like, make it look like I'm preparing for something. So there's a reason why I have this which sweat on my face.

We can use the B-roll for back two. It'll be okay. How are you also dusty at the same time? I don't understand. Very difficult. Do you use gravity boots? And so then the fucking title cards comes up and says one week earlier and we're like, I don't understand. Very difficult. Do you use gravity boots? And so then the fucking title cards comes up and says one week earlier and we're like earlier

than what? We haven't got that. Then it'll happen. Yeah. Okay, honey, write that down. He was looking to new mirror. So if we see any mirrors later, maybe that's the one he's looking at. Let's, I don't want to lose track the way I did fucking God's not dead.

Yeah. All right. So we're going to meet some random family and like 99 out of every 100 families we've ever met on this show. And I think that that number might be actually low. We're going to meet these people at breakfast. Yeah. That's a rule for some reason. I don't know why. Now, the dad here is Antonio Sabato Jr. who you'll remember from such cinematic masterpiece as testosterone, balls to the wall and shark hunter. Oh, how far we've fallen from shark hunter.

So we meet teen son. This is Brandon. He's shopping for a car online. The least important character in the movie. And that's saying a lot, everybody. Well, actually, I would think that would be Shannon, his younger sister, who is getting ready for her homeschooling class.

We also meet, so this entire movie is gonna be at homeschooling, but they don't actually do homeschooling. They do other people's house schooling, right? So this woman is running a school out of her home. Right. She's not just teaching her kids like you normally think of like, like, you know, like what Andrew does with his son in homeschooling, but what my mom did with me. That's just schooling. That's exactly schooling. Yeah, it's just shitty schooling. Right.

On a reddit schooling that nobody's keeping track of the exactly bad school right so we also meet Taylor who is a single mom who's dropping off her kid to be you know, quote unquote, home schooled at this other house. Yeah. Now we have to like shoehorn in those aforementioned running characters. So suddenly Martin the Chinese Christian and I use the ex Muslim Christian are chatting about how delightful it is to get another sequel. Who are these people?

I know I saw all the movies, but I don't fucking remember. Like, do they matter at all? How are they involved in this one? Oh, they matter so much. They matter so much to me. Yeah, they're from the first movie and no, they didn't matter to the first movie. They were there to pad time in the first movie and they're back to pad time in the fourth one. I had no idea. But I want to talk about the character of Martin right because Martin in God's not dead one is the exchange student and he's sort of the racist comedic foible who's like so blown away by Josh's Christianity that he becomes a Christian except hey, it's 2021. The actor who plays Martin's fucking 50.

He's 50 and he can't pull off the bright eye teenager character anymore. So he wanders into the room and he's like, are these light bulbs? And they're like, oh, Martin, new adorable scam. I had a whole thing in my notes of this, like, to me, the running subplot of this film is Martin trying to figure out what the fuck he is doing in this film. Right? He tries for comic relief for a while. He tries out being a Iesha's love interest.

That doesn't work out. Yeah. Yeah. And a certain point, he will just start yelling his three-fac-ing through ice. Yes. It'll be like, all right, I'm the info dump apparently. Right. yeah. His whole thing is that, you know, he's from China and China is mean to religions.

And that's actually true. But he's saying that like, you can either do that. The only other option besides being mean to religion like China is to relate religion. We will have to relate religion here in America to avoid that. And he can't help, but step on his own point. He's like, yeah, no, there are concentration camps for the Uighurs in China right now, but worse than that, they're contextualizing the Bible. Yes.

Right. So yeah, and Mark, by the way, like five of every six lines that he delivers to out this film will be some version of boy freedom sure is fragile. We are an inch away from being communist China. Who knows where we would be in America if it wasn't for folks like David A.R. White be able to get a PlayStation five is where we. Oh, and of course, these two characters have to commiserate about how their families disown them for being Christian. IE. Of course, course is from a Muslim family and Martin is from an evil atheist communist Chinese family.

Don't worry, they will lose track of the fact that Iish is dad is Muslim several times throughout this film. Well, no, we will resolve it. We'll, we'll finally get around to fixing that is what we're going to do. Yeah. But yeah, so the movie basically starts us off on, yeah, you know, it sure is those non-Christians who generally disown their family members because of religious reasons, right? Sure.

Sure. Yeah. Christians. And then we introduced the movie's villain. Well, the first villain of the movie, the evil social worker advocating for child education. Okay. Who had social services as the next bad guy after evil teachers, evil government and evil zoning board? If you had evil pediatric oncologist

for your guests, you're going to have to wait till God's not dead five. I have a good strong feeling they're going to go for cancer baby doctors. And this character is amazing. This evil social worker. Oh, I love her so goddamn much. Basically kicks down the door, bursts in with like, you know, a battering ram. And it's like, I'm here to arrest your entire family and all these kids.

Breeze, I'm here for the Bibles, yeah. Or not, we'll see. Yeah. So I want to be clear on this because again, the home movie's about homeschooling. I was largely homeschooled as a kid. So this does not ever happen. This is not a thing anywhere in the country. If you homeschool your kid, no one comes to check on what you're teaching them or anything like this. No, this is an absolute persecution fantasy from the start to the finish. And

again, like they make a good case for why it should be a thing. Exactly. Yeah. But it's not. They do their best to prove their worth watching over. Yeah. Right. They might as well have kids like silently cleaning machine guns in the background of the scene. But, uh, yeah, no, not realistic. Yeah. It's like the cops from the wire and their stringer bell inside trying to teach, you know, shitty Bible lessons. It's so dumb. So, oh, and then we get to see where the lady walks in. She's like, you know, I'm Ms. So-and-so with child protective services. And the little girl, Shannon goes, I'm sorry, is Ms. Short for Mrs. or Ms.?

I identify as self-coupled. the next life partner. Self-partner. Oh, my theater cracked up at that one. Oh, my theater growled at that one. I had to like, pet some bellies to come and down. So this is where I gave myself away. Oh, right. Is my theater left at that? And then I left really hard at them.

All right. Yes, I hear. And they all got, they were like, there's a traitor in our room. Remember, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, who did a secondary laugh? This is serious. Get the food. We were laughing at our laughter. We were all doing it.

We were doing it. We were doing it. We got laughing at someone left. No, we're self-conscious goddamn it. I'm allowed to. I brought my child to this theater at eight o'clock. It's nice. Okay, everybody double big at laugh now to cancel that second one. just goddamn it. So I'm allowed to, I brought my child to this theater at eight o'clock at night. Okay, everybody double big at laugh now to cancel that second one.

Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha. I also, I love that the setup for the joke is the what they seem to think is perfectly natural, a little girl asking, wait, do you blend your dad or your husband? I'm confused. Who owns your pussy? Yeah.

Just trying to be polite here, lady. I'm seven. And Dave goes, hi, misprotective services lady. I'm the pastor and she's like, oh, gross. Yes. Which, hey, team fucking protected services lady. Oh, I love her to death. I would self-partner with her in a heartbeat.

And then she even looks, she goes, oh, are you guys learning out of a filthy disgusting Bible? And Dave's like, well, I can't think of a better book to use for a theology lesson. Oh, I'm like, I can. He's like, I will persecute you so God down the heart. Your head will spin. And there's this moment where he's like, I mean, seems like you're really criticizing the book

as being like dangerous and full of bad ideas. Let's learn the story of Noah, everybody. Yes. The story of what a bad pick, right? There movie, your movie. And so many Bible stories that are a little bit innocuous that you can get away with here. No, the story of Noah.

And then David A.R. White being like, and by the way, yeah, everybody thought of Noah. And then David A.R. White being like, and by the way, yeah, you know, everybody thought Noah was crazy when he was building that art. Trusting God means being super dumb and crazy. Yep. You know, like trying to stab your son, if God says,

which is also in the Bible. We're gonna learn about that next week. Don't get vaccinated. I'm David A.R. White. Yeah. So yeah, so we get a little bit of that trailing at and then we get the child protective services lady like delivering her report after classes over to the mom. She starts like ripping into the details of Noah's arc like an episode

of Thomas in the Bible. Right. Oh, it's fantastic. It's also there's this great moment she goes, so you're saying that the moral of Noah is obey God or die. And the lady's like, it's, that's not the moral. It's, it's just die that there's like a giraffe to, they didn't have a chance. They're all, they're all Jewish, the people that died. The lady goes, what did the animals do to deserve to get killed by God? And she's like, stop, man, is this why are we?

You are. You are. They self partnered. You fucking weirdo. Sex weirdo. So, okay, so yeah, so we wrap that end like she's kind of like, you know, I'll be seeing you again. Da, da, da, da, da, da, wonders off.

So then we get late that night, the hered single mom Taylor. She's showing up to pick her kid up from the babysitter. And we have to establish that this kid is like severely traumatized, but is not getting any counseling. Nor will he ever. Well, like part of the point of the movie is that it sure is great that this kid gets to be homeschooled. Otherwise, he'd have to get counseling. Right. Can you imagine if professionals instead of a busy woman we're looking after his mental get counseling. Right. Can you imagine if professionals, instead of a busy woman, we're looking after his mental health care? Right.

Yeah, well, a busy woman and the church secretary, yeah. Right. But apparently his dad recently died and he's not having a great time with it. He sure wishes he could die and go to heaven too. Yeah, I wrote him, when he said that, I wrote my notes, okay, I am team babysitter. Maybe we get this kid a therapist. Yeah. Right.

And I'm just like, oh, yeah, let's see. Yet another reason why our bullshit is doing more harm than good when people die. Yeah. All right. So then we're going to cut over to the movies other main villain on education reform bill that those damn Democrats are trying to. Sorry, I'm just, I'm writing the villains on the board right here. So we've got social services and educational reform. Okay, just put them

on the villains side here. It's so sad how they've run out of stuff by part four now. So like, this is what they came up with. It's just like the government wants to make us do It's just like the government wants to make us do algebra do you hear the people being saying get the fuck out of here. Do algebra assholes? And by the way, this little news clip about the education from this is where we meet Senator Benson, who is played by William Forsyth, who you'll remember from such cinematic masterpiece as I murders, G-Men from hell and shark man. Oh, how we've fallen from shark man.

Wait, was that two people in shark man? No, that was shark hunter. Oh, obviously, totally different, you know, material. I looked so hard for another actor in this movie who was in a shark movie, so I think who will have threes that day. I never found one, so just let's just let you know. So okay, so meanwhile back at the home schooling house, they just got a letter from child services. It's a summons. They're being taken to court because they're not home educating their kids

enough. Again, never has happened anywhere ever. What crime would that even be? into anywhere ever. What crime would that even be? Not science in the first grade. I know we're making jokes, but you should have to, like, I don't think the parents should go to jail. But yeah, if you're making a fake bullshit school, there should be consequences. Right. Your kids deserve a real one.

Well, and so here, let's, let's reinforce that yet again, because we cut over to the church where Davey is just getting phone call after phone call. The phones are bringing off the hook from all of these homeschooling parents that are in this homeschooling consortium. So again, this is not a goddamn homeschooling situation. This church is skirting all of the legal regulations that they would incur by having an actual school,

by just moving their school into various living rooms. Yeah, they got an underground railroad of ignorance going. Yes, exactly, exactly. So again, like this movie is like fucking up the argument so hard that they're accidentally showing us the huge loophole that's being created by allowing for such unregulated homeschooling to begin with. Yeah. Jesus. allowing for such unregulated homeschooling to begin with. Yeah. Jesus. We don't want to teach biology, follow the drinking court, get in here. They're going to keep going with that too.

They are going to equate themselves with the plight of literal slavery for the rest of the movie. Slavery, the Holocaust, all the bad things in history they can think of. Yes. And so Martin, by the way, he's like a training to be a pastor. He's like, you know, fucking David A.R. White's robin through this movie or whatever. So he's sitting there at this point going like, wow, I thought this was America. We're not in America. You know, he almost literally says that. But I came here because you are so free and your eagles are so majestic as they soar through the cloud.

I don't understand. Martin, sure loving American freedom will rise to the level of subplot in this film. I might even say plot. Well, yeah, really. Well, you're the thread of the family thing. So. plot. Well, yeah, really the thread of the family thing. So, ah, okay. So, and then we introduced the randomest fucking sub plot of this entire movie, which is the love interest between Brandon, the teenage son and Kayla, the girl he's going to buy a car from. A sub

plot so stupid that the movie will lose track of it till the ending credits. Yeah. No, don't wrap it up in the end credits going like, oh, right, there was a love interest in a whole fuck. This, this subplot is the version of when someone has a digression in a story you already don't care about, right? Like they're blah blah blah, and then you know, the Q 52 reports, which actually reminds me Dave here, a guy you've never heard.

That's, that's this sub. Yeah, right. right and boy you know Brandon Shariz awkward around this pretty girl yeah walks up to her hi are you selling your vagina I mean car I'll fuck your car send me pictures of your trunk how's the tailpipe don't yeah, I have podcast stupidly. Literally they inserted this I feel like just to attack me. Yeah, the Brandon character it's Heath. Like I know what they did.

He literally falls down. Yeah, physically falls down from talking to a girl here. They couldn't think of anything but physically it falls down. He's he's there must be a better weighing the meat. Juggling milk cartons. Oh no. Slips on a banana peel. Yeah. You didn't get those.

Did you bring those? What if I want to cook 12 eggs in the microwave? All right. So then we head back over to a homeschooling family where Dave is sitting around like trying to help them sort out what they're going to do. The first line of this scene is we will not be participating in this family court hearing and I wrote in my notes, we are the good guys. Yeah, right dad, Dave Antonio Sabado Jr. is like, just so you know, we will not be obeying

laws. So, you know, we're heading to the compound. If this gets bad and the friends on the flag and there's one random dad who's like, I mean, we could just start teaching math and and no, I was like, no, you never. Yeah. The mom, who by the way, she's apparently a Christian singer. She is not an actor. That's super obvious. She says, but the public schools are teaching.

And then I just wrote my notes in certain series of things that no public school has ever taught here. And yeah, yeah, wait until that gets inserted for real in whatever you think it is. It's going to be so much silly. Make a prediction right now. Take that phone down. Just pause the bottom. I can't feel it's goalie. Make a prediction right now. Take the phone down. Just get a seal in an envelope. The answer will be crazy. Pull over to the side of the road.

Yeah. Okay. So then Dave has a little flashback to part three. You know, Dave knows a little something about how hard it is to fight city hall. Okay. I am convinced that actually what happened is as David A.R. White was doing this line, he flashed back to his divorce and they were like, it's fine. We'll insert some footage of the last movie. So people don't think they're talking about that. I think he just ran out of stuff to say. He was like trying to make a point in the scene. And then he was like, a great philosopher me, my old essays from a different philosophy class once said using his other three shitty movies to fill spot here. Yeah, right. All right. So now we're going to cut over to the hearing. We're going to meet yet another reprise character, Judge Janine Piro. She was

in part three. She was the judge in the last movie, too, apparently. So she's one of those judges that does family court and also church land dispute. Yes, exactly. Just whatever. She's assigned to David AR white cases. Yeah. Room and judge. What case is she gets? So yeah, so the social services lady from before is that the self-partner lady is there. And she is there to just, she like just rips into these, she's like, they're teaching them dumb Christians with stupid Jesus and nonsense and stuff. To which the homeschoolers reply, but our kids aren't allowed to do sports at the schools they can't go to. Right. No, I want to clear this up to. Yes,

the fuck they can. Yes, they can. every state in the union allows homeschooled kids To participate in the extra curricular activities at their school if they want to join debate club or dance club or fucking play on the base Well team whatever they absolutely Positively can oh can they I actually looked up this this question and I guess I found a propaganda website There was Christian There was like these 12 states won't let you do it at all. Okay. So, all right. So I maybe I may be correct. I encourage us in all 50 states on there. I know when I was a kid and I was homeschooled, you could. I know that when I asked Andrew about it, he said that you could all over the country.

I think that there are states where the schools are allowed to bar homeschooled students. I know that the state of Georgia just changed that law in 2021 that it is no longer even allowed, but nobody did it. Okay. The trend is definitely toward most states being like, yeah, obviously, okay, you can do the other stuff too. Yeah. And, and when I went down this rabbit hole, I found an alliance defending freedom press

release that said that homeschool students should be allowed to form their own debate clubs that like participate in tournaments and shit. Me and my sister want to be a lacrosse team. Come on, momentum tech. Bring it up. But it's right because they don't want the secularizing influences of regular debate club where they use facts. Yeah.

I'm sorry, but steel band has had a negative effect on my daughter. I would like to be our own steel band. But judge bureau isn't here in any of it. She gives them 10 days to resolve this movie. Here's what she says. This is so fucking insane. She goes, this case could take years to settle. I wrote in my notes.

Good. This is so fucking insane. She goes, this case could take years to settle. I wrote in my notes. Could it? So send your kids to school in 10 days or we'll find you a thousand dollars a day. And then we'll send you to jail and steal your kids. Yeah. Right. And they're like, you can't do that. We have freedom. And she says, and again, this is the bad guy's thesis statement in this film. She says, your freedom as parents doesn't supersede your child's right to an education and my theater gasped at the audacity of her. Rebel, Rebel, yes, it does. Rebel, Rebel. She's the best though.

The whole scene every time, David A.R. White tries to talk or any Christian person tries to talk. One word into their sentence. She's just like, fuck you, I'm a judge. Fuck you, sit down. Sue. She's so over the top, it's so amazing. And then, so we wrap that up, we get a quick montage of all the characters being sad and

intensive. Right? Aisha is praying that God will make her father forgive her apostasy. God by the way is going gonna make good on that promise in the most fucking possible way. You're just gonna have to earn it. We see Davie looking out at the rain because just writing Melon Colley and Black letters on a white screen was too subtle for them. Just Davie there, white staring out a literal rainy window. I had so much delight in my heart for this like five second shot

of the best because you can see him really acting too. He's like rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain. But yeah, he's missing his African sidekick, Jude, from the first three movies. They killed him off in part three. now they're in part one. Fuck we didn't think we're gonna do another one. We kind of need Jude. I forgot that you died. Yeah, me too. Who is this? What did he do? I don't know anybody from the other ones. This is today is a good day guy. No, he never said that.

No, that didn't. That's parallel universes. That's the only thing I remember is that you made up a thing that he said. He said it. He didn't say in the movie. People read it right. Yeah, but he was, yeah, he was the goddess good all the time guy that hung out with, with the guy who wanted to go to Disney World

in the first one. So they flashback to a guy, they're like, well, what if they had had a conversation about this before he died, then we could use that. Where Jude was older than when he died. Yeah, right. But yeah, so we flashback to a time when Dave needed Jude's help with his, what does faith look like, sermon?

Right. And Jude's like, yeah, man, that's a hard question because, you know, it's a colon. What does, what does blue taste like? What the fuck you saying? So, but Jude's like, well, perhaps I can help with a story about how terrible an awful Nigeria is. Yeah.

But you know, hey, people who are really living off like barely subsistence living, they give a bunch of their shit to churches. So that's probably a good thing in our movie, right? Yeah. When people are really, you know, having a hard time, religions really easy to sell to them. And that's a point on our side. We're like drugs in that way.

Yeah. And also by the way, the point that's being made here as he explains how everyone in Nigeria is one wrong turn away from a slit throat is that we are one education reform bill away from that here in America. But of course Dave's Revery is broken by a phone call. And that's it. We cut away from that. So now we get all the home schoolers meeting with pastor Dave again.

This is where we're going to fill in that blank from before. Yes. Okay. Everybody, everybody open from before. Yes. Okay. Everybody, everybody open your envelope. Open your envelopes. Here is what they said was happening at public school. A girl in second grade, second grade, those are seven year olds, mostly right? Yep. Yep.

Yep. This girl came home with an advertisement for birth control. And like a newvaring pamphlet. Advertisement. Buy two get one to three kind of thing. They advertised birth control. The second graders according to this movie. What the fuck are you talking about? I wrote in my notes, I heard public schoolteachers have horns and lay eggs. And they gave up fetus hammers and thuggates, fetus hammers. They made our kids take out a condom out of them thing. Just that was their textbook this year. It was a condom and they just had to look at it all day. Oh, you're, you're sort of a little bit less impactful than the fetus hammers. That's it. But that's bad too. So you hear. Well're sort of a little bit less impactful than the feed of savers. That's bad too. So you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, like we've done. So we've had movement. I also love that he's like, we'll help you and don't worry. I'll cover the cost.

They're like, you don't have the money to cover our cost. And he's like, don't worry, I won't pay. Right. And they're like, oh, he's like, let me worry about the fact that I don't have money. And they're like,

we're the ones who will lose our children if we don't pay those fine. Did you know? Did you volunteer to not pay our fund? Or is? What does that mean? David A.R. White knows the thing or two about losing his children. Yeah.

So. So, and then Martin is like, drives it to go, like, I just want to point out that banning home schooling is exactly what China did. And I'm like, do you think that's what we're mad about, dude? Is of all the things that China did. Now my do you think that's what we're mad about, dude, is of all the things that China did. Anyway, but this is also where we learned that the phone call from the previous scene was a congressman inviting Davey and a couple of homeschooling parents to come to Washington DC and speak their minds at a subcommittee hearing about homeschooling. Buck? Yeah.

By the way, literally it's Congressman Smith asked him to go to Washington. Yeah. Mr. Smith wants Mr. David Erwite to go to Washington. Stupid. All right. Well, that's what we're going to get in terms of a plot for this one. So with that established, we're going to take ourselves a quick break, but we're back in a flash with even more. God's not dead. We the people

Welcome to Big wireless store. How can I help you? Yeah, um Okay, sorry, are you Satan the Prince of Darkness? Oh, yeah, I am a fact. Do we know each other? No, no, it's just What are you doing here? Well, so you know, I'm always you know having people sign the way their souls and these contracts with the catchin them Yeah, yep, that's your thing also when I saw some of the hidden these big wireless was getting away with I was like whoa I'm gonna learn what they're doing So yes, like I'm here Mondays and Wednesdays now. Oh, Lou, I'm going on my 15, okay? But like a real 15, Megan, okay, like 15 minutes. Feels like she's gonna take way more than 15.

She totally is. Yeah, definitely. But Satan, what do you do when people sign up for Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service, starting at just $15 a month. Wow, what's the catch that play mousers? I bet it's claim lizards.

There isn't one. No catch. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they're the first companies sell wireless service online only. By cutting out retail stores, there's no crazy overhead costs that get passed down to you in the form of mystery fees. Instead, Mint just passes on sweet savings down to you in the form of mystery fees. Instead, Mint just passes on sweet savings direct to you. Wow, that sounds really not evil. It is not evil. That's correct, not evil. All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts

And if you're not 100% satisfied Mint mobile has you covered with their seven-day money back guarantee Yeah, I actually switched to Mint when they became a sponsor and not only are the services as good as the one I had before but I see Udels of money Wow really you like yeah really Satan wait You know Eli of course. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that tracks that tracks that. Okay, but, but to sign up, you probably at least have to sacrifice one baby, right? No, no, baby sacrifice. To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, just go to mintmobile.com slash gam. That's mintmobile.com slash gam cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash gam All right, well that sounds good now if you'll excuse me

I gotta go tell Megan to enter 15 early because the floor is very busy. Wow, yeah, you really are Satan right Make her do a spot sweep. Yeah spot sweep. Yeah. Okay, everyone. This is Mr. Henderson. He's from the Atheist Department of Child Protective Services. So, um, he'll be watching our class today. Hi. Yeah. Hi. So statistically, I'll be seeing a lot of you again. So nice to meet you, I guess. Okay. Um, so today we're going to be learning about Noah's Ark. Here we go. So anyway, God became very angry with the people

and decided to cause a great flood and kill all humans and animals on earth. That's super reasonable. That's a reasonable story. Yup. Noah and his wife and their two daughters build a giant ark and put two of each animal inside. It's like four million animals just the record.

And then they floated for a question. Can I ask a question? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were going to ask questions. Yeah, just real quick. What did the four million animals eat on that boat? What did they eat? Hey, they had hay. So the boat had four million animals and four million animals worth of hay to eat for

that whole time? Yes. Well, that seems like an awful lot. Timmy, come on. Good stuff, Timmy. Exactly. This then you somewhere cool for foster care. Good job.

Sorry, just one last question. Oh, Mr. Hander sent. Last one, I promise. So if God came to you, like he came to Abraham and told you to kill your child, what would you do at that point? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Mom, I'm thinking, Timmy.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Come on, kids, let's get out of here. Yeah, that sounds great, actually. This guy gets it. You got a good foster home, too. Hey, podcast listener. Are you enjoying our James and Chicaner? Just use people were I'm nervous. Did you know that you can get 60 plus bonus episodes plus a commercial free version of the show

that you can play on any podcast player by giving us as little as a dollar an episode over at patreon.com slash God awful plus at higher levels you get stuff like at home Christian movie bingo cards free tickets to our live shows Eventually when we do that again, and Eli will fuck your dad nobody signed up for that yet, but I'll do it Mm-hmm. You sure will so yeah if you're enjoying the show you want more or just don't want us to starve head over to patreon.com slash God awful and toss us a dollar or two Patreon because if you give us enough money, we'll eventually be able to hire Kevin Sorbo to wear a Garfield costume in a parody Christian movie.

Yeah, we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin our heroes getting ready for their trip to DC and like, you know, quick writing the kids most of the way out of the script. There's a great scene where Brandon, he says, Hey, Dad, this is the money for my car that I was going to buy the car. You can have it for your court files. He's like, and the dad's like, Oh, dude, you're not going to make me cry. Are you? And he's like, no, Antonio Sabato, Jr. None of us think you have that kind of acne jobs. You were in shark hunter, dude. I also like that he doesn't necessarily say no. Yeah. He's like,

ah, you don't have to do that. But it's, yeah, if it comes down to it, yeah. Yeah, I will, I will take my child's money. You don't know how much is there because you were at home school anyway. All right. All right. No, I'll then mo you the amount when I get my passwords not working right now, but I will, we'll, we'll square it up. We'll square it up. How many cubits are you giving me? So single mom shows up too. I guess they're all carpooling to the airport or whatever. And she sure is stressed about a new plot point.

We haven't been introduced to yet. Hit in that. Yeah. Super subtle. Dave and Martin are getting ready to go to Martin is making his play at being the film's comic relief. Oh, man, they gave him a camera. And you can tell they were like, I mean, you know, and he was like, please, I'm 55. Don't don't make me be the ancient guy with the camera.

I'll yell a bunch of Liberty Bell facts into the middle distance. Just don't I don't even remember how I was in the last movie. I don't know what I'm doing in this one. Just, just, just cut this cut. So okay. And so meanwhile Brandon has given himself an over the pants over his pictures of Kayla, the girl, some of the car. He hands one of the pictures that is very clearly just of Kayla, like lying spread,

he got on the car to his sister and he's like, pretty cool car, right? And she's like, dude, there's just a lady's vagina in this picture. I don't know. I can't. Right. No, I did take it just a picture of her vagina. It didn't. My bad.

So then we speed cut over to him buying that car. And we have the whole like Willie Asker out, won't he ask her out? Can he get up the guts in time? We have that moment. Will you possibly go out with I booked myself in both eyes I'm driving. We're moving out. You're in a car. How did you fall down? I'm in the I'm under the wheels. I need you to move the car off of me without moving. No, I'm coming back. Back, back, back. Go back. No, the other back. Shots backwards. I'm

it back to where you were. I squished my penis on your couch. Oh, blue shell, fuck blue shell. So yeah, but of course as he's trying to work up the guts to ask her out, her mom calls and she's like, oh, you know, I got to take this phone call right now. I got there's no such thing as voicemail. So bye. There was a whiff of a point of this movie where she just fucking hated him and was trying to get rid of him.

I was really excited for that. Oh, ring ring. Would you look at that? It's the reality phone. What's that? How old is he? Oh, I gotta go. What's that parachute technician?

You want me to check my par- Yeah. So, and this is also where we learned that Taylor got fired because she was taking time off to testify before Congress. And then you're like, well, they already had a school parents. Why is she here then? What does the point? Well, we're going to learn that she is a very important role to play.

Do we show her we can do this? That what we're going to learn. Okay. We'll get there. So, Martin and Dave go over to have a heart to heart with her, right? You know, because they're like, oh, well, we're her pastors. So we should like, you know, help her in her time of need. What they should tell her to do is stop being a terrible parent who gets fired to go to a thing in DC that doesn't matter.

Yeah, in this conversation, she's like, yeah, my son has real mental health issues. And every time I leave home, he's afraid that I'm gonna die and becomes like almost psychotic in his fear about that. And they're like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Well, I'm glad you're here to be the seventh person at this hearing then. Right. Right.

Also, she says something about her husband's death here that I need to drill down on. Right? She says my husband was killed. They said it was an equipment malfunction, but I can read between the lines. What did that mean? What did that mean? His dick got caught in something.

His dick got caught in something. That's the only thing that I could, yeah, I think that's what it mean. The only thing I could think of is he killed himself. I'd he died in Benghazi. Thanks to Hillary. Right. What? What is that supposed to be?

I literally think that line was put in the movie just everyone could be like classic government, not really telling you why your husband stands. Right. I get it. They said my husband died of COVID. But I know it was just because he didn't get enough horseboys. So yeah, and then she says as part of this, she's like, you know, yeah, my husband died in the military fighting for our freedom to homeschool our kids. And my kid has got PTSD. And

he wouldn't last a minute in public schools. And I'm like, are you going to tell us why not? And then she explains it's because they would get him the help he's so desperately needs. Literally, that's what gets said here. Yeah. She's like, yeah, they'd give him like an IEP that's an individualized education plan, which is great for a kid that needs that. And she's like, IEP, that would be bad for my kid. That would be bad.

Desperately needs that. Yeah. You're telling me a woman whose husband was killed by an IED that my son bad for my kids. That would be bad. Desperately needs that. Yeah. You're telling me a woman whose husband was killed by an IED that my son needs an IEP? Uh-uh. I know they just switch out that letter and blam my kids go. I can't tell on it if that gets knocked on. And then okay, so then we cut to Brandon. He's cleaning out his new car.

We're damn it. He done find an earring slash excuse to call Kayla again. Okay. When he pulled out the earring and there was sort of like a still shot on it, I was like, so you got a jerk off onto that earring? You guys have that moment.

I had that moment. As did I. And so there was also, there was this, okay, so what's supposed to be happening in this scene is that this is where Kayla learns that he's homeschooled, right? So he's, he texts her, he's like, hey, you know, I've got your earring, do you want me to bring it to you? And she's like, yeah, bring it to me at my school.

And he's like, okay. And then there's this whole like surprise, he's homeschooled bit. And I'm like, well, if you didn't know he was homeschooled, why would you assume that during school hours, he could just swing by your school and drop off a fucking earring? Where are you? Right. I also love that they use this as a chance to show that the writers of God's not dead

for are up on all the texting slang. Yeah. W-Y-M and Y-W-Y-A in full use here. What are those? WIA is where you at. God damn it. And the other one was, would you mind? Would you mind?

I'm really proud that I don't know that. Now I do though. Yeah, okay. You were. We use it all the time. All right. So then in an effort to out America, the goddamn Colbert report opening sequence. We get a montage of DC tourist traps with, I am not making this shit up.

A voiceover of David A.R. White reading the goddamn Gettysburg. And can I just say my theater, not in full agreement with the Gettysburg. Couple of choice sentences in that thing where they were like, mumble, rumble, I don't remember that part, mumble, rumble. Well, so, but yeah, so, okay, here's the thing though, what they're trying to establish here is that the Civil War was really about your right to homeschool your kids. Yeah, States writes to home school there. It's the critical res theory that's got you thinking otherwise.

And by the way, David A.R. White is at a monument in DC reading the Getty's Bergedress out loud. Right. I wanted somebody to walk over and be like, Hey man, are you reading the Getty's Bergedress out loud to your stuff? Who are you talking to? Also, if you're going to do a montage of DC things, maybe don't do a shot where you have a giant smile in front of the Vietnam border. He's like pointing in a name on the wall like, that's my uncle.

He died. He's taken a selfie, YOLO. Get out of here. Well, Holo. Yes. He died. Wait selfie. Yo, lo get out of here. Well, holo. Yes, he died. Wait, my uncle. He only lived once. Yeah, he only OK. So, OK, so and then me, my back home Brandon is at Kayla's school talking with her about how

awesome it is to be home school because she goes who are those schools where you're like just allowed to meet your boyfriend in a room when you when he shows to meet your boyfriend in a room when you, when he shows up. You just, you have a room for that. Yeah, there's a study hall, there's a meat stranger

that you sold your car to all. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But he's telling her how great homeschooling is. And he's like, yeah, it's like, I don't have to know. Any real facts at all, really? Ever. But the downside is he doesn't get prom. And I wrote, well, I mean, you could have a prom and you tall.

Yeah, but like, okay, so first of all, number one, yes, you could absolutely, it's not like this school's only let kids that go there go to the prom anyway, right? You know, you could be absolutely still go to the fucking prom. Number two, like most areas that have a lot of homeschooling have, like, homeschool proms that different churches set up and shit So like absolutely that shit exists for homeschool because they they know a Shockingly small amount about homeschooling to be making a whole fucking movie about it to make a whole movie in defense of it Yeah, well that's because everyone who wrote this movie or had anything to do with this movie Sends their kid to private expensive Christian schools.

And they're like, but I bet if I didn't have any money, I sure would sit down and teach my kids social studies. Right. We also learned here that Kayla wants to be a lawyer and follow in her mom's footsteps. Oh, who could her mom be? Yeah. Who are the legal people in the movie so far?

Okay, all right. All right, this boy, there's come on. I love it. Sorry, sorry. Who are the legal people in the movie so far? Okay. All right. This boy, there's come on. I slow it that far. Sorry, sorry. But yeah, but she says, yeah, me and my mom always have lawyer discussions. Just, you know, I'm just going to throw that out. It's one of the facts about me that you now know.

I'm going to be on a panel for Fox News one day. Yeah. So, okay. So Martin and Davey are out on a fucking freedom tour of of DC. This is where Martin drops his Washington Monument knowledge. Yeah. He's like, hey, did you know that the Washington Monument has God words at the tip of the top? And he's like, yeah, what is that? Is that useful to us in any way? He's like, yeah, it means that America's is Christian. You get to do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want because their monuments have secret

words on them. Yeah, he says the East Face of the Washington Monument capstone says, praise me to God and Latin. And I'm like, yeah, man, the South Face has the name of the engineer and his assistant. What's your point? The West Face says in Latin, you have to let us go to the prom. Liberty Bell has Clark carved on the inside from a fandal in the 1960s, man. Is Clark and charges him? Shit, I should know about this. Yeah, but then Davey has to head off to a piece of place to go meet with Congressman. Oh, I really wanted it to be a comment pizza. Like they show up and there's an underground satanic sacrifice.

And the Congressman is like, oh, I'm sorry. Did I get the wrong, I got the wrong vibe? You said you were a pastor. Oh, I'm gonna be a, yeah. Oh, you're an actual slice, okay. Okay, but like, all right. Now, you guys backed me up on this, the table and the chairs that they were sitting on were comically small

compared to them. Well, the Chuck E. Cheese said they could only have the afternoon. Clearly a Chuck E. Cheese. The regular size chairs are reserved for paying customers. If Chuck E. Cheese had wandered through the background of this scene making the jerk off gesture. All right, we're buying this fucking film and recoding. Crazy hundred-air money everybody.

So yes, but this is where we meet Congressman Smith. He did not have a shark movie on his IMDB page. I checked. But he's explaining all the horse, the slippery slope they're on. We're soon educational guidelines won't even make exceptions for religion. Common core teaches children that there's no such thing as truth. Oh, in elementary school is what they're saying. Like the postmodern second grade with abortion ads is the problem that they're trying to fix.

Yeah, so add that to your villain board, by the way, common core, that's gonna turn out to be kind of the main bad guy in this movie. Yeah. Yeah, so he says, you know, common core is politically biased. And what are the odds that the people on my side would always be wrong at every point in history if the curriculum wasn't biased?

Yeah. They tell you that the founding fathers were slave owners and old men, but they were in their 20s. Yeah, right, but they were young. They gave that line to a black actor. Yep. They gave that an African American gentleman who can absolutely trace his lineage to a literal slave was like, oh, what do I say today? Oh, I try and do this shitty fucking witch hand is it in with the slavery of George Washington? Got it action. Well, so yeah, like keep it with that would have been a punch line that we'd have written

to this scene. This is going to say that we're a bunch of old white slave owners, but it's true. They were very young. I was like, did I pass out during something else in this explanation? Jesus, I wrote my notes here, Common Core is a tool of the devil created to destroy freedom. And I'm like, man, I am not exaggerating.

I'm just paraphrasing. Yeah. And by the way, this whole speech, like Common Core could have been replaced by critical race theory. Oh, yes. Yeah, true. They had one of their three black actors

shitting on critical race theory right here. Yeah, absolutely. And then we get a quick musical interlude while we check in on all the characters, just kind of random, just remember this guy, he's in the movie, this lady. Okay, however, this musical interlude has an ending that made me laugh so hard.

I genuinely thought I was gonna get the shit beat out of me in my theater. There was like a young guy in front of me and I was like, Oh, he's gonna punch me to death. I died doing what I loved, making fun of questions. Because it is, it is like a sad like sometimes when we touch montage, right? Where we see like fucking people texting and the family's holding hands and David airwights looking at a different Wind hosting this is a texting montage yeah, and then at the end I Should get into a car crash. Yes

Of violent fucking car crash. It wakes you right the fuck up. Yeah literally song playing is, it's by the actor who plays that mom. She's also a singer apparently in real life. This is her song called God is Good. So literally it's like God is good carcass. Yes. That's so amazing. Cuts over to the Christian mom who wrote the song just checking off one on the Muslim board. Oh God. So okay. So now we join the gang at the Halls of Congress getting ready for the big day.

First we hear from another yet another one of the bad guys in the movie, the Secretary of Education. Yep. Who says we're on the right side of history by educating kids. I'm a bad guy in this movie. I am the bad guy. Home schooling is bullshit and Jesus deserve what he got. Yeah. So yeah, the bad guy in the movie explains how homeschooling should at least be monitored.

Right. That bastard. My theater at this point was like, Rebel, Rebel, rebel, rebel, don't, and so while that's going on outside representative Smith is chatting up with the homeschooling group. Yeah, he's explaining to them that politics is like the Coliseum and that there aren't enough Christians in Congress. That's the real problem. There aren't enough Christians running for office.

He has a whole speech where he's like, well, you know, the thing is, the problem is that Christians got out of politics and we just trusted everybody else. It was like 90 goddamn percent of Congress's question. What? He also then explained to him, and I just love their understanding

of how congressional hearing works. He's like, they're doing the testimony for the other side right now. Like, like, it's a fucking wedding. No, you guys sit on the left with me. All right. And so we didn't mention this, but in that texting montage earlier, Kayla asked Brandon to the prom. So he's gonna go to the prom with her. So now we get to see where he doesn't know how to prom. He doesn't even know what kind of corsage to carry anything. And this seems to exist so that we can learn that Kayla's mom is evil judge, pure. What? Wist. Yeah. Wist. And they checked. So many high fives in the writing room. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. All right. So we're back at DC Davie as hard at work studying his congressional testimony flash cards. You are the government. I am the government. Oops. The people.

This is where Congressman Smith gives him the pep talk. He's like, listen, they're going to insist that religious beliefs are irrational. So, good luck with that. You're going to have to prove the Bible is true. And David, airwights like, no problem. No problem. I got this plan B, we storm the Capitol. Try to overthrow the government. Smith is like, now, of course, when you go in there, they're going to say religion is stupid. And I'm like, are the, are the politicians in America going to say that the American politicians are going to talk about how dumb religion is?

Is that really? He's like, all you got to do is explain that religion is completely rational. I'm like, is that all? Yeah. Don't worry. As long as you don't, I don't know, have a mental breakdown and take up my last five minutes of testimony with what I would call a car suicide note of speech you'll be fine. He throws away five flashcards.

Okay. All right. All right. Got it. So, okay. So inside the hearing, some evil bastard is calling for a gasp nationalized curriculum. Yeah, when the bad guy says the children belong to all of us, my theater actually boot. And again, I left and I was like, this guy's gonna beat the shit out of it.

I can't because they were like, you know, I can't tell my kids about it. They fucking take down a place you motherfucker. This is so Congressman Smith is trying to like grill the evil Lib Senator here in this moment of the hearing. And he's like, Hey, Lib Senator, isn't having a curriculum illegal? And the city was like, no, what the fuck are you talking about? Of course, that's not illegal. And that's when the evil center is like, the children belong to all of us. I own your child for real. It's so fucking saying.

Like, first of all, how deep into their bullshit you have to be before you know that nationalized curriculum is a bad thing, right? And uh, Mr. Smith's gotcha there is about the fact that educational standards are set locally, not nationally. And that's what the law says. But of course there are, you know, that's, it's not, that's not absolute. And that's what the evil senator says. Yeah. And each locality should have a curriculum about real things. Yes. Right. A common core, if you will. Yeah. Like Bayon New Jersey is like, we did the math. One plus one is three. Yeah. And are yeah, exactly, exactly. And then Smith tries to like, you know,

a dunk on the guy who said the children belong to all of us by saying, well, I've got some parents that are going to come out and testify that their children belong to them. And that's with the cheer that theater cheers. And I'm like, guys, that's not better. No, that still implies ownership of the human. My theater, it was too close together. It was a really great moment because they were booing the previous line, but then they didn't quite hear what Smith replied.

So they tried to cheer, but they were like, I missed it. Yay. He's probably good. He is black. I don't feel good clapping for a black hair. Oh, all right. But now it's finally time for the fucking Scooby gang to testify here. So first they tried out this, this statistic. And I just, I'm sorry, I want to inject this right because they point out that a homeschooled kids tend to do better on standardized tests. Now that's true, but there are two problems. Number one, a fucking course they do,

they're far more likely to be wealthy. The teacher to student ratio is very often one or two, right? You know, they're generally from well off-familial and it's that, et cetera, but more importantly, they can cheat. There's no required testing. Homeschooled kids who take standardized tests do so because the parents have decided that they can take that test. Yep, the ones that wouldn't pass it just don't take them.

So fucking course they do better. I didn't even realize just how meaningless that data point was. Yeah. It was already dumb. Now it's just impossibly dumb. Right, yeah, exactly. Like, you're not required by law it's just impossibly dumb. Right. Yeah, exactly. Like, you're not required by law to take the SATs at any point. And the evil Lib Senators, like experts say kids should learn real stuff, though, and we're pretty sure you're teaching fake stuff. Is actually even more innocent than that.

She says the experts say that standardized education is good to which Davey replies with all due respect, the experts are wrong. And a fucking said the act will quote in the movie as well. We believe the experts are wrong. I'm like, well, there's American politics in a nutshell. That person gets to testify before Congress too. What do you thoughts on Ivermectin, sir? We'd like to hear about that not to have you done your own research and epidemiology that you'd like to do. But don't worry,

he has an example. And so here's one of them. Let's play another little game. You still got that envelope from before. He's going to talk about Thanksgiving. What do you think his problem with the way we talk about Thanksgiving is? Oh, I wrote my notes. He says what his lead in is just what about Thanksgiving? And I'm like, where are you going? You beautiful blonde bastard. Where are you going? Is there a war on Thanksgiving? I thought you sweet, sweet motherfucker. There's a war on Thanksgiving. God damn it. It's so much crazier than we thought. I thought he was going to go with classic races Like they say we killed all the Indians and that's not wrong. No, his problem is that we don't focus enough

On the fact that the pilgrims were Christians and the Indians were just They were fucking hanging out. Right right. He says you know our kids are being taught that Thanksgiving is about Right, right. He says, you know, our kids are being taught that Thanksgiving is about diversity, but it's not about diversity. It's about Jesus. And I'm like, God, we got to add diversity to the fucking villains. The problem with Thanksgiving is critical race theory. Yep. That's what's said. Too much focus on the pilgrims and the Indians getting along. Noted.

Oh, I'm writing that down. So, okay. And of course, just then Taylor, single mom gets pulled out of the hearing because of an emergency phone call that is so not an emergency. Yeah, Jackson's in the bathroom yelling, this is my gun, there's only one like it,

but this one is mine. And also I have a really bad parent. Yeah, right. He left me here to accomplish nothing at a hearing somewhere else. Yeah, so apparently the emergency, now, granted, the kid does have an emergency. It's post-traumatic stress disorder.

He should be seeing a counselor, but the emergency that the movie presents us with is he sure is grumpy today and he won't finish his beans. You know, today I learned my toddler has had post-traumatic stress disorder. Every day of his entire fucking life. All right, so then we cut all of a sudden the goddamn, the Muslim dad from part one, Aisha's dad. He might as well skate onto camera and be like,

we're still in the movie, we're still in the movie. Right. So fucking random, but yeah, so she got in that car wreck. Remember that woke us up earlier? So he's going to the hospital to check in on her. Now we know from her flashbacks that they haven't spoken since he kicked her out of the house in part one. Honestly, maybe part one's most racist moment,

which is a big, that's a big thing, you know, that's a big ass. So, and I got to admit, like, her getting in the car wreck is the only like movie level thing that had happened and I had already forgotten about it. Yep. By this point, me too. Honestly, I felt like the movie had forgotten. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that's it. By the way, he's, you know, he's starting to regret his muslimness now, but with that plotline nurtured, we head back to the hearing where evil congressman is explaining that faith is both irrational and anti-scientific. And I'm like, yeah, congressional representatives are always saying shit like that, right?

Constantly. Oh, fine. Take him to stop. But it is though. That is irrational faith and something is irrational. Well, is it, is it? Is it really heath? Because Taylor has a little something to say about that.

Yeah. This scene, this scene is so fucking amazing. This is top 10 best scenes we've ever done, ever, ever, ever, ever. Okay, this is where my best worst pops up. Yeah. So the claim is made that belief in the Bible and having faith without evidence that would be irrational in anti-science. And then she pipes up and she's like, no, it's not.

And the evil Libs Senator is like, oh, what's your area of expertise? I thought you were like a restaurant manager or something. And she says, wrong. I'm a literal rocket scientist. I used to work for NASA. I used to work for a little division of the Department of Interior called NASA. Maybe you've heard of this. When she said that she worked for NASA.

In space, I started to cry with laughter. I could not stop laughing here. I was crying. And my whole theater turned around to look at me because I was laughing really loud uncontrollably. I got in trouble here too. I was literally, I was a poly. I was like, I'm so sorry. I was laughing too hard.

They were just going to come over and start kicking me in turn. But I wrote as a joke, I worked for NASA, and then she was like, I worked for NASA, I fucking lost it. Oh my God, okay. So, and I just love this tiny little detail. She says, you know, before I was a restaurant manager, which as a job I took because I needed more time

with my son after my husband who was in the military died, I worked for a little department of a government called the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. And then they have to have somebody else go NASA because otherwise their audience wouldn't know what she was talking about. Where's that? What's a nanonastma? And as stupid as this is, as stupid as that reveal is, the point is even dumber. Her point is if fucking faith is anti-scientific How do you explain the fact that Buzz Aldrin took communion on the moon? Idiot

Also she had this great moment where she acts that she kept blowing it with my theater because my theater was like, yeah, and then she would say something that would. So at one point, she was like, and we're not flat-erthers. So first of all, you genuinely make up a tremendous percentage of flat-erthers. Also, weird flex. Yeah. Weird flat-erthers. That's a weird flex.

But my theater must have had a couple flat flat earthers because I felt the energy. Yeah. A little bit of a dip in them moments. Yeah. So she's like, look, we tell our kids to crack shape of the earth and everything. And I'm like, what about his age? And she's like moving on, moving on. And then she closes this with that weird, like my husband died face down in the muck

so that we could enjoy this little family restaurant here. You call me Mrs. Hayes. Yeah, exactly. This pussy is signed sealed into labor. And I do not know why I do not know what angel left this in the movie, but she finishes her a triumphant speech. And the senator is like, okay, that was nothing. That was, that was nothing. You, you yelled about your job. You

cried that your husband was dead. You pointed out that you know the atomic number of cesium. So, and then you asked me to call you missus. So we're gonna take a quick break. Oh, right. Oh, right. Oh, right. And like them, I mean, you know, that level of batshitery should be enough to give everybody pause. So we're also gonna pause.

First, let me give acting the hard so though. Can David A.R. White's side articulate a single relevant point before it's too late? What argument do they think they're even making when you eat a Jesus cracker on the lunar surface is that technically communion? Find out the answers to these questions tomorrow and return for the dribbling conclusion of God's not dead. We the people. Come on. What about the Chaco Frosted Sugar Bombs? No, no, ethnically troubling marshmallows?

Nope. Hey guys, why are you throwing away all the cereal? Oh, hey Noah, Eli and I are trying to get a bit healthier, you know, but it's so difficult to find a healthy breakfast. Well, why don't you just try magic spoon? Ooh, the one that Jesus used, that the last subber? That makes you immortal? I heard the legend.

No, no, no. No, guys, magic spoon cereal has the amazing flavors you love, but without all the bad stuff. It has zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four net grams of carbs, and only 140 calories to serving. Wow, that is healthy. Well, plus you get to build your own box with flavors

like cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry cinnamon, and, back by popular demand, cookies and cream and maple waffle. Those all sound amazing. They are. Just go to MagicSpoon.com slash Gam and grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code Gam at checkout to say $5 off your order. And MagicSpoon is so confident in their product that is fed with the 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money.

No questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt free cereal at magicspoon.com slash gam and use the code gam to save $5 off. Thank you, magic spoon for sponsoring this episode. All right. Sounds pretty good, but Noah, ethnically speaking, would you call their mascots troubling in retrospect? I, I would not know. Oh, good.

Okay. Good. Yeah. Glad to hear it. Cool. I call this here and to order the witness may proceed. You're on, I moved for a mistrial. Right.

Right. Right. Sorry. No, no, you don't do that. This is just to be clear. This is a congressional hearing. You say what you want to about the subject and then you just I was a scientist at NASA and my husband exploded.

Okay, is that your testimony? Maybe you haven't checked the dollar bill lately, but it says in God we trust on it. Right, you're turned to talk. Again, all that happens is you guys talk. There's nothing that happens. Not guilty, you're honor. Okay nothing that happens. You're on air. Okay, we're done here.

Touchdown. Democracy was a terrible idea. Jumanji. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Judge Janine Piro seeing that there's stuff about her on the hearing on the news. Yeah. First, that's National News D subcommittee hearing

on homeschooling that Davey was at. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And she's getting one of those like movie phone calls where it's like, you gotta see this. You're gonna see just the relevant part of them because your channel and TV is tuned through exactly the right year when you turn it on.

Yeah, we're turning on time square and everybody's freaking out about this here is pray. And then we head over to the hospital where Muslim dads chatted up with the doctor about his fucked up daughter. Yeah, good thing someone wasn't taking up her hospital bed with preventable COVID. Yeah, right. You just got a room. Yeah.

The doctor says, do you pray? And he's like, well, to the wrong God, but yes, when he was like, oh, I'm a Muslim. I wanted the doctor to be like, oh, never mind. No, it's not waste our time with those. The doctor's like, well, you know, prayer couldn't hurt. And I'm like, well, actually, the one time we tested it does. All right. I'm going to go to the temple and study actually showed a small, made it worse. It was funny. They spent a lot of money on that. I found the opposite of what they wanted. But then it's time for Kayla to finally confront her mom about her irrational hatred for homeschooling.

Mom, you're always sending my boyfriend's parents to jail. Right. Yeah, she says, well, you know, you think homeschooling is bad, but I've known a kid who is homeschooled for almost three days and he's mostly normal. Yeah, well with rock solid anecdotes like that. Hello. And I like that the lens that they've tried to do it through is like they talk legal to each other. So she's like, motion for you to listen to me about my boyfriend. Be not.

Yeah. And then of course, and this is supposed to get my theater cracked up at this line. She's like, Mom, why do you hate homeschooling so much? She's just because homeschooling is separatist, elitist and racist. I'm like, but it is though, right? Like so it is. It is definitely separatist, but definition.

By definition. Absolutely elitist because only people who have enough free time to actually homeschool their kids can do it. And it's racist because of how often it's done to keep kids out of predominantly black schools or schools with a large black population. It's just like, it is though. Or so that you don't have to teach kids history.

Well, and that, like at the argument, this movie is making, which is also a racist aspect of homeschooling. Yes. Also, homeschooling. Yes. Also homeschooling doesn't advertise abortion services to second graders. That is racist. Right. Yeah. Think about it. How are second graders going to know which pill they want to be on? Need to know the truth about Margaret Sanger too.

So we had back to DC. There's this incredibly useless scene where Davis down at the lobby of the hotel, getting his food and he overhears the evil congressional aids talking about how stupid religion is and how much they hate him. All the Congress people roasting the NASA ladies speech. Yeah, that was so good. And she's just like, I'm from NASA and I'm a love the speaking of season. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just like, yeah, I mean, put a mic in front of those interns, man. Yeah. And that's the scene. There's literally nothing else that happens

in that seat that never comes back. There's no like new information that he gains from Eve's dropping on these people. That's it. They're just saying he's dumb and the people he brought with him are dumb. Yeah. They play it like he has this amazing new spy information that he's gonna use later. They think we're dumb guys. Battle will use that to our advantage. We have a lot to our advantage. They did the like, me, me, me, me.

They said they made a use down like that. That's what you said. All right. So guys, it's, me, me, me. They said they made a use down like that. That's what you said. All right. So guys, it's very important not to say me, because that's what they're expecting. Multiple times. Should I talk about CZM again? No, actually don't do that. Maybe just swept the floors in.

Don't worry. I'm going to argue with them in the next scene about whether the Bible and sexist. So I got this guy. All right. So yeah, then boom, it's day two of the hearings and we get the is Christianity sexist thing, which to which Davie says, no, and I'm like, okay, well, now you can get him for perjury. This is a congressional hearing. You're not allowed to just well, and I love this because now she's like, they need a gotcha that they can refute. Right. And there are so many examples of sexism in the Bible

that you can't refute. The one they go with is, we'll Paul told people women to cover their heads. Right, which is incredibly sexist. Okay, so I just, this is such incredible fucking nonsense. The lady says, well, the Bible's super sexist, Paul told women that they had to cover their heads. And he's like, well, did you know that at that time in Rome,

young women who weren't married were required to wear their heads uncovered because, like, the men thought that was sexy. This is just made up bullshit. It's garbage. It's nothing. It's nothing because it's the closest they could get and they try to take where she was like,

what about cutting concubines into five pieces as a message about how badly you're being treated and David Arawite was like everybody likes a gift now and then we need a new one. Cut. New argument. But even if his thing was true, his argument is no, no, no, no, no, Paul was just telling women not to be horrors. Right.

You know, just don't be such sluts. That's all. Yes. Exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, A thousand years ago was a good source of morals is what you're saying. Victor. Yeah. The three fifths compromise was progressive at the time. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes. All right. So and then we go back to like Kayla going full lawyer on her mom about homeschooling. And she starts making these arguments. The first of which amounts to and I think we all wrote this or some variation of it in our notes.

But what about the fact that Christians are just better than the rest of us? Yeah. And, and mom is like, well, what's your evidence for that? And the daughter is like, come on, mom, they're Christian, like I said. Yeah. Yes. Come on. Do you want me to say Christian again?

They do most of the donating volunteering Okay, I read the clip they did right and the mom's like are you counting like spreading their religion is donating and volunteering an institution that they've set up Explicitly so that they can claim to do more donating and volunteering Yeah objection do more donating and volunteering? Yeah. Okay. Objection. No, no, this is not a court. So, okay. So then we go back to the hearing where David A.R. White is just blindly

blaming a straw man and missing some more. Yeah. That's the best. This movie wrote both sides of the argument and they wrote this ridiculous terrible straw man and they still lost themselves to it. Yes, they lost their own terrible straw man. At one point he's saying,

well, the truth is the truth for everyone. And I'm like, do you really want to go down that road, Dave? Are we doing truth now, Dave? Revelation road, I don't idle thinks so and he's like Christianity is an entire you guys are intolerant of its homophobia buddy i've watched multiple movies that you've started about the christian apocalypse do we want to do true i stay away from sit-up. Maybe you stay away from truth challenges. They lanes, right?

Seeing our lanes. Right. So David A.R. White gives this big speech about the definition of truth. And then the lib senator in charge of the hearing is like, okay, that's enough, Gavill. Okay. This is nothing. You said nothing. We're done.

And he's like, but you didn't say we're allowed to do whatever we want. Yeah, I thought that was a, I thought our movie that we wrote would say that. Yeah. And what we're supposed to be seeing here is that the evil chairman's side is getting it's ass whipped by Davie and his amazing, silly ass Facebook rant or whatever. And so they have to adjourn quick before he drops too much truth on them. But this is also where I have apparently for the first time,

Davey realizes that this hearing has nothing to do with like their specific case with Judge Piro back home. Right. Right. What did they think was happening here? In their movie, what did they think the hearing, they could have written something dumb, but they win. They don't even do that. I think he thought that this congressional hearing was an appeal for their hearing back.

Oh, that's how they play it. Yeah. Because like the next scene is the church secretary whose babysitting Taylor Skid getting the phone call that like, yeah, you know, turns out this movie really isn't about anything at all up to this point. So I guess I'm just going to come home. Yeah. Oh, we have that great scene where like the evil congressman comes to have that one-on-one with Dave and tell him what a silly Christian room he is. Oh,

did this feel like a ghost storm the capital on January 6th? Pepp talked to anyone besides me. The only way that I would pay attention is a couple of heroes. I don't know, maybe dress this Braveheart extras. Really tried to overthrow the government. You know, did a little walking tour and got shot in the face.

Yes. That'll show me. How many zip ties do you own right now? Yeah, because like, there's, at one point, Dave actually says to this Congressman, you know, I'd be careful about going to war against God's church. Again, it's like, it's not like they didn't know that the Capitol riots had happened before they put this movie out.

It just came out. Yeah. That's pretty fucked up. Also, there's this moment where he's like, Mao came for the church, he's dead. And he also got it. No, he didn't win. But then time happened, he'd be like 150 now, this stupid system.

But I, but then he didn't get America. So yeah, so the kind of person was like, I don't care about your stupid Jesus. I've got an 83% approval rating. Boah, ha, ha. And then he slithers away. And then I love Taylor shows up at this point. She's like, wow, I really thought like Jesus would show up and act three.

There'd be a miracle. It would win. We didn't win. Something seems weird. It's so sad. They're on movie. They lose their own movie. Well, we'll talk about how sad. They're on movie.

We'll talk about how hard they lose their own movie. Yeah, well, yeah. But first, we're going to cut over to Muslim dad who has wandered into a Christian church to talk to God as though he's kind of known which was the real one the whole time. Does he think that people get punished by the gods they worship? No, her management is the Christian god. Right. I got to go speak to you. Okay. Does he think that people get punished by the gods they worship? Like it's a no, her management is the Christian God. Right. I got to go speak. Yeah, exactly. I guess he'll

have to heal her. Yeah. Right. So he goes to this church and like demands Christian God meet him in this Denys parking lot and have it out once and for all. Honestly, if the last 26 minutes of this movie had just been the Christian God of the universe and this Muslim dad rolling around in these church puse, having a Peter Griffin versus the chicken fist fight, I'm told this is my, this would be my favorite movie of all time. And also like, there's this weird, this, this is how bad Christians are at trying to look at the world through non-Christian eyes They have the Muslim dad asking Christian God is this my fault for being the wrong religion

But like he's might he would assume this was Muslim God punishing his daughter for her apostasy That he would take this as evidence that he was right, just like you dumbasses do. Yep. Until he got side tackled by chicken god, and then he'd understand. And I love how they end this scene. They end the scene. Jackson shows up. Why? Go fuck yourself.

And he like goes over and hugs him. And he might as well be like, shhh, our part of the movie is over now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We're free. We're over fives and we're free. So, and look, I didn't realize that this was the same kid as Taylor's kid from before, because we see him so infrequently and he looks just so generically kid. Right? He's just, like, he's the avatar before you start fucking with it.

I had no idea where we were going when a kid just suddenly came up and hugged him. I thought maybe that was God or I don't yeah. Anyway. Oh, maybe the kid is supposed to be a Jesus character. I don't know. Oh, we'll have to wait for part five. Okay. Does that make it good writing? No, it doesn't. Nothing is going to make this good writing. Okay. So meanwhile, representative Smith is taking his gang to see his favorite Liberty statue so he can ooze America words at them. I fucking loved this so much because like he's taking, he's like, a lot of people know about Lady Liberty, but you don't know about lady freedom. That's because no one calls this statue lady freedom. I just found a statue named freedom. Yep. And I'm going to tell you some facts about it. And his facts are so fucking stupid. He's like, you know, this statue

of freedom was commissioned and made by a slave. And that's why I love America. Wait, what? But no, wait, but then he wasn't a slave. Yeah. Was he paid for his work? Great question. I do not know the answer to that. Oh, yeah, but basically his point is any country that can outlaw slavery way after most of the rest of the developed countries had already done that can do anything.

Like, well, after a civil war against you, motherfuckers, maybe another one on the subject is slavery, homeschooling regulations pretty much the same. Can we all agree on that? And they can. Yes. Yep. Yeah. Yet again, we're going to compare slavery to homeschooling. This is the second time in the movie that we've done that explicitly. And then we're going to suggest that the civil war was really fought to protect against, you know, common core mostly And then and then just when it seems like all hope is lost Martin has some random fucking Snapple cap America facts to save the day

Oh, I thought we were gonna. I'm sorry. I got excited never mind. It's coming. Yeah, it's coming So yeah, right so first before it comes though, we literally have to have each character take turns reading lines from the preamble to the constitution. Yep. That's literally what happens at this moment in the movie. Okay. This is not how it goes. They absolutely, nobody knows beyond we the people. Absolutely. This goes like trying to do, you know, all the lines from it's the end of the world as we know it. And every day.

Devolves me. No, but absolutely not. It's been one week since you left me. That's another way the people cause to say now. You know, okay. That I know all the words. And then that's important. Out of fucking nowhere in the middle of their sad conversation,

people start just joining them from the left and from the right. And these people just start introducing themselves as the author homeschooling parents of the world. We are the non-Christian homeschooling parents. Yeah. And they each like sound off on their single reason Christian homeschooling parents. Yeah. And they each like sound off on their single reason for homeschooling all the animals at the end of Roger Rabbit, you know, like I'm a sheep. I'm a little one boy, you know, whatever. And it's like, oh, you know,

well, we're we homeschool because our schools are underfunded. Well, our kid has special needs. Well, we're the token black people, you know, just one after the other. Like it's a musical. Like this, this Congressman Smith had them like out in the, uh, the wings and all the sudden they come in one at a time and like, dance down a soul train line and give you a line. And one of those parents, yeah, is the anti-vaxx mom. and yeah, is the anti-vaxx mom. And I need to talk about so many things about this woman's one line. First of all, she follows the black family who are like, yeah, you know, schools in black areas are really underfunded and racist. So a lot of us have started homeschooling and then she's like, oh, that's a good point,

much like them. I don't want my kids to get a shot. Yeah. No, she has some weird line about, and some of us, home school for medical autonomy, because we want to decide which vaccines our kids do and don't get. And that this is where like, if there was any doubt what I was doing there, they're, I removed it with my audible gas, but that I yelled, I yelled, yeah. And my theater, my theater got confused because they were like, what?

He's empty, Vax, but he's been living it the right. I throw him. Honestly, this probably saved my ass from a beating because they were like, all right, Lucy's not fucking vaccinated. Okay. But there's one tiny detail of this woman's appearance that's so spiritually important to me. She is wearing what is very clearly a sport coat.

Someone made her put on over her anti-vax t-shirt, right? She is wearing like, like, the Freedom Foundation t-shirt of some anti-vax bullshit thing that she insisted on wearing. And David was like, no, put on my sports jacket. You're not advertising your fucking killing babies club. We already gave you one line in the movie. It is exquisite. Oh, dude, I assume that they made her put that on

because like, you know, her shoulders were uncovered with the shirt or something like that. That she had a tank top on and that was to risqué for their movie. I honestly, I think that's, it's at least that's likely of an explanation. But yeah. She's wearing a veil and they're like, wait a second.

What did we say about this? Yeah. That's forget. I and they're like, wait a second. What'd we say about this? Yeah, forget. I really wanted her kid to come over like covered in mums, like, mommy, everything hurts. And she was like, I will give you horseboys in the car. You have river blindness. You're fun. Good luck.

I'll shove some bleach up your ass when we get home. I'm on your side. OK. And then like they closed this the weird musical quasi musical number off with one of them saying and I quote they were so proud of this goddamn Gipery Shash line. They named their movie after it. I Am we the people We all

Again, I yeah in the theater and they were completely thrown off because they gave it to the special Ed mom too. Yeah. So they were there's this big ass pause and she's and she does not want to say it. She's like, I am we the people. And I was like, fuck yeah. Yeah, you is. Hoops is our new.

Somebody said I am John Galton. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. I am Spartacus. And then it's a bit so, but after that, that gives Dave an inspiration. He's got a plan now that's so crazy it just might work.

Oh, yeah. Well, first we got to cut back to Muslim dad now chatting with Jackson about his dad dad and about how as much as we make dying sound awesome, you shouldn't be in a hurry to do it. Okay, is this guy supposed to be Christian now? Did he like learn to be a Christian because his daughter got hit by a car? I don't, I think he's supposed to be like wondering if I don't they don't explicitly say that in the in the movie. He's got a weird moment with Jackson where he's like, trust me. God wants your dad to be dead and deep down. So does your mom.

This is where babysitter comes in and she's like, Jackson, are you snuggling random older men in the pews again? Yeah, I wish your mom picked up her cell phone more. Jesus. Yeah. And so to be clear, he's the kid is now getting wisdom from a character who's only action in this film. And this entire series of film so far is to throw his daughter out of the house by her hair with no money or possessions for not sharing his religion.

That's like, that's the last thing this guy did of significance in this four movie series. Wouldn't this cement his belief in Muslim God that she got hit by a car? Yes. You'd think. Yes. Of course. But they cannot imagine for a second what it might be like to not be Christian. So they can't write for that. All right, so but now we're all caught back up with the opening of the movie where Dave was preparing nervously in that public bathroom. Yes, it was for this moment. We get flashbacks to the flashbacks in this movie.

Yep. We sure do, because some people might not have been go yet. I honestly want to just walk into the room and start speaking in tongues, right? He's just, because he says like through you, my lord, I want to be like, shhala, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la just, because he says like through you, my lord, I want him to be like, shhala, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, shit. So yeah.

So he goes back into the hearing and he asked somebody to ask representative Smith, hey, can I have your closing statement instead of you? You didn't have anything, you didn't want to be on camera and talking to a microphone. Did you politician? And he's like, yeah, no, man, you're the producer. I yield my time to David A.R. White. He's still technically the producer of the... They reclaimed their time from themselves in their movie just to be clear.

They totally did. And also, there's this moment where he's like, okay, but you know you only have five minutes, right? And I feel like the rest of the cast convinced him that that was a super congressional thing. And like he showed up with an 80 page script from Facebook rant bullshit that he wanted to say at the end, they're like, oh, you know, in Congress, they only give you a five minutes. David will be. Oh, David, I would love for you to do all of this.

I'm really, I have that. It's like the bubble thing. Yeah, and it all pops out all the shapes if you're not care. Remember, they don't think. Oh, yeah, man. They have it's like a Bob Rebel, I don't vaccinate my kid. So So Tavy starts given the Unhinged Facebook rant that inspired the whole fucking movie. Have you ever Watch someone get arrested while explaining to the police that they work for them? My while explaining to the police that they work for them. My parents are saying, I'm still doing good.

In the make a. My kid owns these soccer balls. You have to let him play soccer. We own it. I'm your boss. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he starts off talking about like if you ever been on with him, freedom tours and everything.

Yeah, man, we've all seen the fucking Lincoln Memorial and he, and I was a gay man, we've all seen the fucking Lincoln Memorial and he has three of them. Like six or seven good times. He explained to me, oh, you know, Christianity, by the way, super first is we have a black person, a Chinese person, oh, no, Rainian. Literally some of my best friends are from China, and Iran, and Africa. By the way, one of them is dead. He's like, I have friends here. Well, one of them's dead. I couldn't find another. I have two friends here.

Nigerian friend. I had a Nigerian, but he turned. So, you know. And there's also this weird moment where he's like, you know, but I figured you guys out, your plan is to divide us, but instead of division, we could just all be my religion. Yeah. My theater loved this part where he was like,

it's about turning neighbor against neighbor. My theater was like, yeah, they're the ones dividing us with my races of. Yeah. He also says, and I God, what an amazing insight into the Christian mindset he goes. And the reason you're doing that is because the only way to get more power is to take it from someone else.

Huh, yep. I was like, oh, that is what you think. That explains a lot. Thank you, Dom, taking notes. I'm like, okay, that's why they want the power. Yeah, and after explaining to everybody that pointing out how demonstrably wrong their religion is, is just a distraction.

He claims that he's speaking for, quote, quote we the people there's your other problem right there Nope, nope you're speaking for you, bro You know every Christian seems to think that 96% of America secretly agrees with their racist bullshit because all their friends do Not even 96% of the Christians believe their rights that's bullshit. Yeah, right Even 96% of the Christians believe their rights and scholarship. Yeah, right. Jesus. And as I'm writing in my notes, by the way, this is the Unhinged Facebook rant.

The movie's been building towards my theater started to clap. Oh, they're losing it. They were losing it. They were literally cheering. Dave is yelling, stay out of our houses. And I might do nobody's coming for your precious bodily fluids. That my theater, when he does the you work for us, like the big fans, you work for us. My theater was like, go and run it in.

Go and throw it from the outside. And honestly, like if a genie had appeared and given me one wish, I would have been like name anything he just said. If I could start a squid game of my own right there, everyone makes it out. If you say one sentence that he just said, then you agree with the music is so over the top. It's like it's leading us into battle. But he goes, he goes, you know what? You guys call teaching weekals,

social engineering and the fucking crowd goes wild. I'm like, we're at your anti teaching now. Teaching goes on the bill and list too. He's like, biology is redefined. I was like, and there's transphobia. You got the full square on your Christian Bingo cloud. You did it everybody. Wow. At the end of this rant,

Davey looks directly into the camera. Yup. He damn near a wink sat on us. And then it's like, it fucking like, clockwork orange flashes us with America images. It was like, bald eagle, fucking Lincoln monument. Martin Luther King stash you yep Yeah, well from this point on it's like the movie is going oh fuck our runtime is almost over shit

It's only an hour and fifty so because the rest of the movie will take place over the fucking credits Yeah Yeah, we get we go back to that Ronald Reagan speech from before we get Brandum Americana over it and then we get resolutions to all the characters that we oh, yeah, just remembered Yeah, it's literally like oh shit. You know what? Just start listing producers. Those are single names That's fine. Yeah, they went to prom and that Muslim guy and his daughter are fine. She tore up her Hearing thing and when a judge tears a piece of paper that that counts as backsy's fucking.

They actually show a TV screen at a point and it says local pastor, Unites America and like, owns Congress. The fact that like that. And they're like, yeah, we won. We got it in there. We won. We did. This one simple trick. And then the whole movie ends with basically saying hey guys, we're that cool hashtag thing We did the first one. You can still you're still allowed to they can't stop you from doing that again All right, so okay, I you know hate to go with the same question at the end of the all of these But I'm genuinely curious would anyone like to take a stab at the moral of this story?

It's all about doing your own research You can't make me vaccinate my kid. Yep. Yep boy isn't it all right Well, that's gonna do it for our review of God's not dead we the people But it's not gonna do it for the episode just yet because we still need to lure you back for next week So tell us Eli what's on deck? Well, Noah, we've said some not so nice things about Christians this week, but what happens when a movie has not so nice things to say about itself?

We'll be watching the eyes of Tammy Faye. Oh, good. We get to go back to the theaters with the unmatched unvaccinated people. Oh, no, no, no, don't worry. You're unmasked and unvaccinated brethren are not coming to this movie more than once. All right, so with that to look forward to,

we're gonna bring episode three, 21 to a merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon don't just for helping make it a show go. If you'd like to get yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to Patreon on Doc Thompson. I got off on there by earnally access to an ad free version of our episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our simply shows the skating aides, sitations, knee to dnd minus and skeptic crowd available wherever podcast lip. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions you can get them all out for movies and gmail.com. Like the surface of the podcast, write it by the love, this is the P. Andrew Tornado's Tim Rob's and take care of our social media, our theme song we're shooting in perform by Ryan Slank, even if we're dressed on bars. All of the music we're

shooting in perform by our audio and cheer more than clever, more than usual. Thanks again for getting to visit Check your life this week for Heathin right knee life, I'm Noelie Jones, from Storms to Work Hard, and Moisee was with permission. Thanks again for getting to visit Sugar Lights this week for Heathen, right? Neely, I'm positive I'm Noelle Lysian, I promise to work harder on another track nice week until then. We'll leave you with the breakfast club clothes. All those homeschool kids went on to invent cold fusion with cesium because they knew the atomic number.

Kayla fucked the Christianity right out of brand. David A. R. White is going to hell because he's divorced. That's what he says. Yeah. You want marriage advice, David? Look us up. Just shut me up, buddy. What? And I was married for like, ever. Almost 25 years now. Yeah, longer than yours. I I I I

I I I I I I I I I

I honestly couldn't even tell that you guys counted along. I I I forgot to count. Okay. I I I

I I I I I All right, I kind of heard he's safe five and I couldn't hear you. I also were you not going to admit it if we didn't call you on it? I was just going to see how it went. I was and I didn't really have a plan. It's not about me so fast. In literally three seconds. Yeah, really. No, honestly, you got to react quick in this world. All right, here we go.

One more time. All right, we should go back to a 10 count. Right. Yeah, give you a little more. Yeah. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2021. All right, reserved.