God Awful Movies - 324: Finding Jesus

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

This week, Michael Marshall joins the guys for an atheist review of Finding Jesus, the story of stagnant fish with frozen expressions say increasingly disturbing Jesus words at you until the credits. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K

Mark, you just blew this wide open for me. The distress signal was grinder. That's why they had his GPS coordinates. Wait, I need a grinder fish pun. Grinder. Fish. I don't think you've got it in you. I've got it. I'm going to be silent for the rest of the episode. You guys go on with that! Maybe there's something with a grouper at it. He lies currently putting out a distress signal to Heath. Heath, I need help. I need help.

You'd get this in 30 seconds. He's got a full movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be I'm probably the train that he keeps to Taco Bell's sauce for the hasn't used that in. I don't even know, but sitting that under my nose to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bostic. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I am amazing, Noah. I don't believe you, but we'll get to it. Also, joining us this week is returning guest mask is host of B reasonable co-host

skeptics with the K project director for the good thinking society and more stuff to Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back, sir. Hey, guys. Really nice to be back. Lovely to be here. I'm looking forward to a one welcome that in no way disparages my professional reputation. So Well, did you look who it is? Skeptice of the year once again by canceling QED. Why don't you trust the vaccines, Marsh? Why don't the vaccines work, Marsh, in your opinion?

Okay, okay, okay. Yes, QED has been delayed. I did think about announcing it to everyone, but you Eli, I'm just having you come across to Manchester by yourself to sit in a massive hotel event space with no one around to perform to. Like the whitest paint, you know, you can only have this information

if you promise not to share it with Eli Boss. Yeah, exactly. I'm pretty sure all of your list is with a hundred percent gun on board with that. All right. So before we get going tonight, I have a super important announcement. Today marks the start of our mostly annual fundraiser Volgarity for charity. We use supply the charity. We supply the Volgarity. We're going to be teaming up with Tom and C. So once again, to raise money for our favorite charity, modest needs. And we've set the ambitious goal of besting our last total of over $300,000 raised. We're already

well on our way. We've got an anonymous donor matching the first hundred grand, but that leaves us a lot of dollars to go and to make it, we're going to need your help. So if you're new or new-ish to the show, here's how it works. You donate money to modest needs and help people on the verge of poverty get ahead and in exchange, we insult

somebody of your choice on the air over on scathing atheist or cognitive dissonance. Now last time we did this, we got a little overwhelmed by all the insults and it took us literally two fucking years to get through all of them. So we're going to do it a bit differently this time. We're limiting the on air insults to 200. That's going to be our top 100 donors. Plus another hundred randomly selected from anybody who donates over $50. The fundraiser starts today and lasts through Thanksgiving. So if you want your insult read on air, you need to get the donation in before midnight,

November 24th. Just go to modest needs.org, make a donation, then email proof of your donation, along with who you'd like roasted, to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com. And if it's not a celebrity, the more you can tell us about the person, the better picks help a ton. Again, make a donation at modestneeds.org and then send the receipt along with your roast request to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com. And by the way, we're going to start picking their brand on 100 before the drive is over.

So the sooner you get your donation in, the more chances you'll have of getting your roast red on the shows, all the details on the show notes as well. And with that out of the way, tell us, Mars, what will we break it down today? Oh, so we watched Finding Jesus, which is the gripping tale of two animated fish who have all sorts of exciting adventures, which exclusively happened off camera because the studio couldn't afford realignment. You didn't have air quotes around animated when you said that. I was unaware that you were in factual with the audience. But yeah, you got there. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love screen savers, but they aren't psychotically preachy enough for you. You will love this movie. Oh God, I spent a long time looking into the people who made this to try and figure out what the hell is going on with them. So they're called Wow Now Entertainment and Fun Fact. You know, they are the production company who create this film and they have released 113 animated movies in 2021 alone. What?

And it's not even November yet. Oh my God. Sorry, I thought we were putting out a lot of content. Well, no, no, no, no, shit. Eyes bow down. They put more animated feature length films out than you've done gam episodes. Right?

We go, shaw. Jesus, yeah, that's more than gam and scathing combined. Fuck, we got to get some fish screens, say, that's more than gam and scathing combined. Fuck. We got to get some fish screens, say, for you. Catch the fuck up. All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best to be the worst at? Best worst idea to let Heath make the schedule.

Oh my God. Okay. Listeners, if I may part the kimono slightly for a moment, Heath's taken over the scheduling this year, he's doing a great job, lots of good movies, lots of opportunities. But this was very clearly some kind of weird revenge. Very, very rarely I have turned to the co-hosts on the show and said, hey, I'm watching this movie, it fucking sucks, we should stop. And I almost did that every 45 seconds throughout this film.

But then the movie would be like, I wonder whose blood we should drink and I'd be like, oh, okay, okay. Another minute movie. You know how crazy this movie is because I shit you not. There is no animation in this animated movie. No. No. No.

So that's where I was going with mine. I had best worst animated expressions because they bought every character You know, on this thing from some fiber type website or whatever and they couldn't afford multiple expressions Yeah, through the entire movie every character is just smiling ear to ear through an ever increasingly inappropriate things to smile It is amazing. It is amazing, it is amazing. I spent a long time looking to try and find the actual clips that they bought to see where I could get the three models and I actually did find, so I'll come to it, I won't spoil it, but I actually find some of the characters on various stock footage things. But the one that I didn't find is my best worst, which is the best

worst. It's fine guys, I'm pretty sure I can do a Japanese accent. Don't worry about that. I've got this as Mr. Sushi, the floating piece of sushi, which was weird enough as a concept to introduce before it opened its mouth. And it is one of the most offensive accents I've ever heard. I think it was so offensive that they started to tone it down

after the first few sentences, like he just came in hot and went, oh no, I've ever heard. I think it was so offensive that they started to tone it down after the first few sentences like he just came in hot and went, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sure he's sharing it. Wow, now's Eli. And he started to do that accent frantically. All right. Yeah, cause like seriously, okay, one of the most coveted prizes in all of Gam movie dumb is the title of best worst accents. And this movie made a real play at it. Oh, I sure did. It sure did. No, I feel like if it hadn't been for if foot

man tire you, I may have given that title away in the beginning of this one. Well, maybe what you need is a separate counter gives of accents. So it's like, this is best worst Japanese accent. This is best worth Jamaican accent. We can really get granular. Okay. Yeah. The word. Okay. You know, this one would get two or three of them. It's like the awards before the Oscars. Right, the technical gametes. Right, the ones you just see a montage of. All right, well, we've got a squeeze an episode out of like C-SPAN animation. So we're going to need a quick strategy session, but we'll be back in a minute with all the

stagnancy that is finding Jesus. Okay, guys, the kids are just loving this fish movie this finding Nero Neemle pretty sure yeah whatever and as Christians and children's entertainment creators what's our motto? As close to what's popular without getting sued Exactly so what do we what do we think it what do we think it? What do we think it? Sorry, just quick problem. I was the problem. It's just computer animation, like the stuff in Finding Nemo. It's actually some of the most complex movie making in modern times.

It's not just really complicated voice acting and animation. It also requires like a deep understanding of filmmaking and storytelling. It's just way, way beyond our scope. Mm. Okay, well then, what can we afford? I wanna say the flying toast to screens ever from Windows 95? Let's see.

Well, it looks like we've got ourselves a movie then. Yeah, sure. I thought you'd say that. We made 113 movies in the series. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up blowing a significant portion of our animation budget on hands down from island. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, because that's only one of the audio delights that we get at some moment because we also get the theme tune and the sort of the incident music, which is so clearly a rip off of Disney that I think it's been done by Donnie Alphmann.

This whole movie has a, yeah, one letter off of the famous guy feel to it. And we right away we meet Muggles and Joy. They are the fish buddies at the heart of our story. They will have grins of fixed to them throughout this entire one hour. They look like someone dumped Joker serum into the ocean. That is the only fitting prequel for finding Jesus.

And this is such, I mean, it's obvious that is this, but we still have to make it very clear. This is such a ripoff of finding Nemo. but I wrote in my notes, just copy right. I have a riffer exemption. Right. Right. So, okay, let's be clear about how disgusting what's going on here. Really is.

Yeah, because this is for like three, four, five year old kids. And the idea is that they're not going to be able to clearly distinguish between finding Nemo, the movies that they love. And this thing, if those are always being played, right, if they're being swapped in and out and everything. So the idea here, I think, is to try to make these, you know, confuse these three and four-year-olds to thinking that there's some Jesus stuff in finding Nemo.

Well, the other thing is, like, that's not gonna work. I am a 17-month-old, and I showed him four seconds of this, and he was like, this is preachy bullshit, man. I'm gonna throw my toys over that gate. 17 month old and I showed him four seconds of this and he was like, this is preachy bullshit, man. I'm going to throw my toys over that gate. It's also not going to work because nothing happens. We'll get to it. We won't get to it because there's nothing to get to it.

Well, we're going to get to it right here. One two minutes of nothing happening repeatedly. It's rough. And so I also love the way and we're going to get this over and over again because what we're going to get is a series of vignettes, episodic vignettes that were meant to be cut out and used independently of one another that we're going to watch all the way through. And they all start basically the same. The narrator will say, Muggles enjoy, we're just out doing such and such and then we'll

cut the Muggles enjoy and they'll be saying, we sure we're just out doing such and such where we would just on the way back from that amazing adventure that we had with like fireworks and explosions and all sorts of things. You don't get to see you just get to see us swimming the same swimming clip back from an amazing adventure. There were hookers and beer muggles. They're sure were joy. Yeah, the opening of each episode might as well be Lulu. So. So yeah, so now we've met muggles and Joy. It's time to head over to Bubble Town to meet Professor Shark. And so there's a point just before we meet Professor Shark where they're talking and he says, oh, this is fantastic. And then

laughs in the most psychotic of ways that I wrote in my notes. I hope there's a shark. And then a shark appeared and I thought, oh my God, am I the secret? Have I done this? Have I intentioned this into being? You used up your wish. That was a weird way. Yeah. And we should point out to like the voices for these characters are like, if you asked me to do all of them on the spot with a gun to my head.

Yeah, exactly. They're very teen improv team characters. Yeah. And the introduction to fresh a shock is so weird, because the voice over says that he's strong but caring, and they put such an emphasis on that that it's got a real sort of spare the rod vibe. Yes. You know, rod because, you know, the fish or spare the rod for the rod.

I was right there on the table. They left it. They left it on the table. That's going to happen a lot, by the way, when it's fantastic, I was like, oh man, there's going to be a bunch of by the way, when it's fantastic, I was like, Oh, man, there's going to be a bunch of these. There aren't. Nope. Right?

That like your notes, Marsh have so much better ponage in them than this movie man. Hey, wow nation, look, Marsh up. He could make you three, four hundred movies. But they will do that every time they introduce Professor Shark, every single time they introduce Professor Shark, they'll be like, who is not too soft on the kids and he would never teach critical race theory. He would have to say yes. And the thing that's really creepy, the other thing that's really creepy about it is that

somehow they've managed to animate into this shark's face, a what can only be described as boy hungry Leah. This is a pedophile shark if ever I've seen one and believe me I've seen one. hungry Leah. He will constantly accidentally in you endow. I mean, it reaches its peak later on in the movie, but he'll constantly be like, well, there is one thing you can do. Awkward pause while they float in stillness. Well right, yeah, and that's what happens right away, right? Like they have to start off with this boring ass conversation about how kids are wiser than adults because they don't question our Jesus bullshit.

And then he starts explaining, like, as though he's trying to not get to the point intentionally, that he has a problem of a personal nature that they may be able to help him with. So, all of this is, wait, for me, the introduction of Jesus at this point really confused me because I was like, well, did Jesus get underwater to spread the good news? Because like famously, he couldn't go underwater. What a regret. He's a real problem for him. He's just pounding on the water. And on top of that, you've got the whole kind of, they say, you know, they're talking about all the blessings that fish have gotten from Jesus. And they say, you know, the blessings we've got like the oceans big and that's all they've gotten.

I thought, well, yeah, because in fairness, Jesus would routinely do miracles involving spreading your carcasses around. So let's not dig too heavily into what did Jesus do for the fish as a question. Like, oh, Jesus, you mean the guy who's best friends would all hunt us and kill us as a profession? They do that for a living. Yeah, it's also they are trying to switch in water words for general Christian words. So at times they'll say things like our underwater universe or you swim in Jesus' riptide. And I know it's just because like they don't understand what those words mean, but an underwater universe is a horrifying implication.

That's what happens when we're sinful enough. Just like, oh, wow, I'm going to have to flood the whole universe this time. They've gotten to the moon and everything you've done. Yeah, I know. I got to get that rover on Mars. Exactly. So, yeah. But ultimately, eventually, Professor Shark explains to them that scary Henry is unhappy and they need to go cheer him up. Right.

So they do, but the way they introduce scary Henry is the kids got sort of got like scary Henry, like red like Heath doing an adry, like scary Henry, chalk it up, stick it on the board. They have this weird moment for they go to see scary Henry where he's like, you need to remind him of all the blessings we have. And they're like, well, didn't our friend lose a fin and isn't the ocean just like a constant source of terror and death? And he's like, well, now he could swim faster.

Stop asking questions. Go tell scary him. And he's sucking the fuck up. This is Clive the Pope as they talk about. Yes. Like the weird is tackling of the problem of evil. He lost his dorsal fin in a tsunami. Like somehow, I'm not sure how Pope's lose door fins in a tsunami. But that helped him swim faster, which only begs the question. Why didn't God just not give Pope his dorsal fins if they slow them down? They're just if God was thinking he wouldn't do that. Also, why is the opening bid on this children's movie being an amputee isn't that bad but whining about it?

Jesus. Yeah, followed up immediately with, anyway, children, go and find the scary guy and offer him some company, which in fairness is entirely consistent with the attitude of the church. No, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, so Muggles to Joy head off to talk fucking scary Henry out of suicide apparently. And now there's a little bit of a reversal here because when you first see scary Henry, he's just a smiling crap and you're like, oh, that was lazy.

But then you hear how Jewish's voices and he is in fact a very scary and crazy. But then you hear how Jewish's voices, and he is in fact a very scary and crazy. Right. Okay, so this is the first time it becomes painfully clear that they could not afford animations other than smiles. Yeah. It is comical, the extent to which they're like, well, you sure look sad and they cut up

to this just giant smiley face with crab claws, stick it out of it. He's like, yeah, I sure am in the dumps. I pray for the sweet release of death. Well, sorry, I pray for the sweet release. This is also one of the moments we get a lovely bit of the voice over as well, because it's scary, Henry, we're going to go get to the bottom of it. It's like the Eli School of British Accents. It's astonishing.

Yeah, absolutely. Ah, there are not a lot of British accents I can make fun of, but this is what it is. But scary Henry tells them that he's homeless to which their response is, don't think of it that way. Yes, they tell him it's a terrible attitude. Like look on the bright side. So that'll salt me out. Thank you

And Henry's basically like yeah fuck off Yeah Scary Henry I want to scary Henry to start doing space work just like oh, I didn't think of it that way Oh, here I am inside my invisible house. Thanks muggles enjoy you guys don't suck a bunch of ass What do I watch my invisible TV? I'll tell you what, the person who had visioned this movie also wanted scary Henry to move around and do some space work, too. Well, that's, uh, wasn't in the cards. No. They had 110 other movies to make that with right. Exactly. And like, he responds to that, to their, uh, just look on the bright side

of it, less enthusiastically. And they berate him for not being grateful enough for being homeless and for their only amount of help, amounting to get obvious self. That's, that's what they berate him for. Yeah. Right. But his problem is that people keep calling him names and, and, and, and make him feel bad.

And their solution is to not stop that. Is to not stop doing that. That the only way to help him is stop doing that. It'll be fine. Right. Right. The whole scary Henry moniker obviously, you know, at first when you see the silly crowd and you're like, oh, scary Henry, maybe it's, you know, just a juxtaposition kind of

a thing or whatever, but they never explain it. He seems to clearly explain that he's bothered by it and then they just keep using that term. Yeah. Yeah. But eventually they're like, all right, well, this asshole doesn't even want to be cheered up. Maybe we should go see old Mrs. Woodley. And maybe she can cheer him up. And I'm like, is this like one of those older starfish

in your area are down to fuck type situations? Okay. No email, no bullshit. Just see Mrs. Woodley now. So yeah, so they go and see Mrs. Wuddley, the elderly starfish. She doesn't look elderly in any way or have an elderly a voice. They couldn't afford any of that shit. So they just say over and over again that she's elderly. So just to be clear, we have devolved from the smiling crab that at least was cranky to just like, hey, Mrs. Woodley,

the starfish who is definitely wearing a hat. Hi, I'm not wearing a hat. And there's a weird thing as well, because she says, you know, I last saw you as hatchlings, which for me just opened up a fascinating conversation of like early, ecological development and this kind of learning curves that this movie just does not address. And it's all the worst for not addressing those questions. It gets taken we're the rest we go. Yeah, exactly. We start putting time frames on shit later. And yeah, so, okay, here's the thing. I didn't yet realize that we were just doing series of vignettes. So I assumed that like, old Mrs. Woodley and scary Henry were going to fall in love at some point or something that this was a love interesting. And I'm like, okay, so five arms I can see why they thought of her. But no,

she's just there to quote Bible passages at them. Yeah, he needs a lesson in gratitude, apparently. And I wrote my notes. Exactly what they say. I wrote homeless people, not nearly grateful enough this movie. Yeah, I put in my notes to crabs even have boot straps. I'm just gonna talk about, you know, sea sponges and welfare brains. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Well, fair brains is fantastic.

I'm sorry. That's pretty good. Yeah, so, no, but to be clear, the moral so far is, suck it the fuck up suicidal kid. Yeah. You don't have it that bad. No, suck at the fuck up suicidal kid. Yeah. You don't have it that bad. No, I will not stop calling you scary, whatever fucking name it.

Yeah, exactly. That's how I know you goddamn it. So, okay. So then they literally go back to where the scene before last was to tell Henry what happened in the last scene. Yeah, yeah. They're bringing that advice back to scary Henry who they still insist on calling scary Henry.

Yes. Brilliant. Just keep that one going, absolutely fine. And then it gets to the point where the animators are fucking with them, right? Because they go like, hey, scary Henry, are you feeling anybody or are you going to go, do I look like I'm feeling anybody better?

And if they smiling for like, of course he looks like. You look exactly the same. Completely reversed. Yeah. At one point, Muggles literally goes, that's a smile. And I was like, he's been smiling the entire time. Yeah. How were these animators not communicating with these voice actors?

Yeah. And to be absolutely, this is the point where I started thinking, I am 99% certain you just bought a clip of scary Henry from somewhere. I look that up, keeping up the tradition of doing way too much research on who's in the movies I actually found where they got scary Henry from I got the cartoon crab And it's it felt a bit like when we find the actor on IMDB and look like what they've been in or when someone's been in ad before they got famous Oh, there's scary Henry in that website. Oh God. That was before he was in all these Jesus films Yeah, no, it's like seeing sliced alone in the deodorant

commercial or whatever, yeah, in the porn. It was not that good. Come on now. So, but then they explained to scary Henry that Jesus, and he's like, wow, you know, that's, now I feel way better. So he puts down his revolver and decides to give it another go. And they start like just quoting Bible stories to him.

And I really wanted to start quoting some select Bible verses back to them. And I'm pretty sure no one can think of some fun ones to air at that point. But Psalms 137.9 would be nice. They're on saw. They're in the book of Psalms. Anyways, bashing their heads against the rocks would be apropos. That would be very funny too with these animations, because they're fifth, they're flapping around. Right.

All right. So and then after that, they go back to the scene before the scene before that to tell Professor Shark about the last scene is like the movie is closing parentheses. And in case any any of the list is in any way under any illusion as to what we're seeing, we're seeing literally the exact last scene because the animation is exactly if you turn the sound off, it is the same fucking scene. You just put slightly different wording over the top of it, right? Which we should point out because Professor Shark and Muggles and Joy are the through line of this film, we will watch, I would say another 14 to 15 times. Yeah.

Yeah. Conservatively 14 to 15 times, we will see this exact scene where they swim up to Professor Shark. And I say swim up to, but we see them swimming. We see Professor Shark waiting and then we see all three of them together. They didn't have all three moving at the same time kind of money, which is weird because I've seen clips of other films they produced and they do have Professor Shark swimming. So I wonder whether this film made them enough money to buy

that second-trick of the profession. All right, guys, we did finding Jesus on the seven-day free trial. I think it's time to let this bad boy expire and spend the big bucks. So yeah, so Professor Shark is like, what did you make scary Henry happy? And they're like, yeah, he's like, how are they like Jesus? He's like, yeah, that tracks. Nice. I demand an underwater Jesus at some point in this series.

You get the feeling several times that he's going to like come floating up out of a cave and be like, what are we actually going to enjoy? I'm going to like come floating up out of a cave and be like, what I actually enjoy. I have a way now. But this, this is the end of their first adventure. Their first adventure is a pedophile shark made us go talk to a homeless guy that everyone's mean to and scared of. We told that guy to just crab the hell up and be thankful for the nothing that he has. The end that is the adventure.

Yeah, no, the fucking narrator cuts it right there and then goes and then they left. With a, with a heart full of gratitude, off they go to, to do some fun things you can't see. Exactly. Interact with a number of other objects. And as they swim off, first of all, we get throughout my notes, I've got a screen saver where the only way they could do it, like, it cuts between transactions between scenes, is by throwing a screen saver of like a turtle swimming or something.

So we see a lot more screen saver footage of water than it was expecting. And then as they're swimming away, Muggles is just talking to Joy about how great joy is and what a good friend joy is. And a lot of his conversation is only ever that. And it's like, Jesus, guys, just get a fucking pond or something, just take it as I get a fucking pond. Also, we should point out to that Muggles has this, they were trying, they were going for like a goofy,

distinct laugh with Muggles. But like the voice actor could never remember exactly how he did it last time. this like they were trying they were going for like a goofy distinct laugh with muggles. But like the voice actor could never remember exactly how he did it last time. So it's always a little different, but it's always weird and it's always really fucked up. It's always just a little too long not to be in a horror movie. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. It's two beats past the end of the, the laugh. The laugh finishes there. And then the two more beats, you got like, oh, no, that's going to hold my nightmares.

Yeah. Nice. Listen, I'm a territory. No, I got, I got a bite muggles tongue and tell riddles back and forth. I know how that's worked. All right. So but then we, we head back to Bubble Town. It's time for the second episode.

So they meet Professor Shark again. So they do, but at this point, joy is talking about how there's predators everywhere in the sea, which is quite a dark thing to be introducing at the start of episode two, basically, this kids show. And I thought, is this, is this going to be the stranger danger episode? Whether you mean like, do you know that 1.2 million fish could have ducked in the US every year?

They're going to be swimming along with a banner saying hatchlings don't just go missing. Suddenly Professor Sharks trying to get him to put on masks. We realize he's part of the cabal. Yes. Also, there's a point here where I know this is a little tiny piece, but there's a moment where fucking Muggles fat shames joy. Yeah. Right?

He's like, oh, I'm so full. And he's like, yeah, you can do just swim around without your fucking mouth open and eat and all that goddamn plankton. Bam, ass. Yeah. He says it like it's a motto. It's all like, I always say swim with your mouth closed so you won't go blind and I thought this is educational programming and it's fine as for Chris.

This is life lessons you can take on with you. Yeah. And then we introduce the plot to this episode. And this is one of the weirdest introductions in the history of God damn time. Back me up on this guys. The shark says to the kids, he's like, oh, hey, I need you for an important mission.

Our mutual friend Marlow is stuck in seaweed, and if he doesn't get out soon, he'll die. He will die. He will die. And then they spend like four minutes talking about how great Jesus is. Yeah. He literally, all right. Anyway, let me take my time here to say that you guys are doing a great job.

If they had inner cut shots of, of Marlowe, like struggle and like that. That's why I wanted just like really just like Marlowe suffocating in a distressed entangled mess. Because this scene went on for so long. I had to pause it rewind it and get Nicola up to watch. As they're like, yeah, Marlowe our friend, he's he's going to die if we don't get there immediately. Immediately you say, yeah, yeah, he's been stuck for several minutes at least. Oh, because we're we're two minutes into this conversation. So this is two of those minutes. This is two of the minutes. He's been stuck and they just continue. But go and see Pickles first. He's got a couple of minutes head start. Right. So if he just told me to go and see Pickles immediately at the start

of this conversation, we did been with him. But now he's got the head start. All of this I just want while Marlough keeps cutting to him, Tangolini seaweed, really distress writhing around. That's why I really, really wanted. Oh, God. My favorite aspect of this too is that there's a moment where like, you know, he explains what's going on and then the narrator sort of summarizes it for us. But what we see is that he says like, Oh, and Marlowe will die if we don't help him right

away. And then they just all just stand there staring at each other for 14 seconds. Yeah, just just bobbing up and down. It's absolutely amazing. We'll do everything in our power to help a friend in need. Says Muggles, two minutes after learning, that friend has been suffering and suffocating for several minutes. And every line, every single line of the scene has a strong look guys. We all know that Marlow is a total dick and we want to get him dying. Yeah, but We also need plausible deniability. So let's just give it just long enough and then we'll, oh Marlow's dead.

Oh, we did everything we could. It's the Jeffrey Epstein suicide investigation of the fish world. Oh, yeah, no, he did it. Trust me. And the other thing about this that I thought was really weird is that Professor Shark introduces it by saying, you know, Marlow has has to keep moving, although I still suffocate. So I know that's sharks. You're thinking of sharks.

Right. You're a shark. You're not currently moving. Why would you introduce that fact when we can literally see the animal that famously has to keep moving unless it suffocates, not moving. I want Professor Shark to chalk out during this conversation too. Well, especially since later when we meet Marlo, he won't be fucking. Nope, he will not.

I have a tiny scripting note here. At one point, they mentioned that Marlo sent out a distress signal. Yeah. And they just sort of breeze over it, but it's great because you can tell they were like, Marlo, we've got a, he screamed underwater. He, where did the, how to fish? No. He said, I'm just stressing, that's fine.

We were like ships, we're like, we're like space ships. Also, Joy asks, do you have his coordinates? Like what, you got a fucking GPS or a map or a possible thumbs, why are you talking about coordinates? He's just, all right. Well, I'll tell you what, I don't think they meant to build so God damn much suspense into Marlos fainting this thing but while it's there we might as well fucking use it so we're gonna pause for a quick break but we're back in a flash with even more.

Finding Jesus. And so I said him that's not coral. Classic. Hey fellas. Oh fuck it's Marvel's in joy. Why you sit him? That's not coral! C-classic! Hey, fellas! Oh fuck, it's Marvel's in joy. Oh god, those are those Jesus freaks, right? Yeah, yeah, just be cool, be cool, they're going. Well, hello, Mr. Vision, Mr. Squimbo.

How are you on this glorious day that God has made? Ah, we're- we're fine, Joy. Yeah, how are you, Joy? Well, I'm just enjoying this beautiful day that Jesus has made. Oh, oh two sentences in a row there Hey, uh, Muggles. Did you hear that flips got caught in a big tunnet? Oh, well gosh. That's Finn fortunate That doesn't really work. That's no, but at least he's in heaven now with our father Jesus Christ Isn't that right Joy? Yeah Yeah, sure is. Actually, Joy, Muggles, I've been meaning to ask, how come you guys believe in Jesus even though we don't have

souls? We don't? Oh, yeah. No, pretty much every denomination of Christianity believes that we don't have souls. And Jesus even proved himself to disciples by aiding them in a fist genocide, so you know, what's the point? I mean, I guess There is no law, but we'll murder I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I like a better now. Oh, yeah me too huge improvement huge

and say I like a better now. Oh yeah, me too, huge improvement, huge. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Muggles and Joy's Swimming Off in search of Marlow. Another great, we couldn't afford the animation moment where the narrators like, they swim faster than they'd ever swim before and it shows us the exact same swimming away animation we get every time they swim away

from anything. But they do find pickles here and pickles like, oh, don't worry, Marlo, freedom stuff. Yeah, this takes over. And this was the first time that I thought, oh, you're going to just keep fucking me this movie on you. You're not going to show me anything because you can't afford to. Right. Yeah, exactly.

No, that was slowly dawning on us all at this moment. Well, actually, it took me another minute because I spent like the next two minutes of watching this film desperately trying to figure out what the fuck kind of accent pickles was supposed to have. Great question. I believe it is either Jamaican or Scottish. Marsha's Irish and his notes. I have, you have Jamaican. I was really surprised that 80% of Eli's notes weren't just hoiter, teetoy, teetoy. Yeah. If they nailed the accent, they would have been. I wrote my notes.

Whatever accent he went with, it is the opposite of Marsh's text and accent compliment accepted. Yeah. So also, there's so much weird in you endo in this. Like, there's a moment here where Joy is talking, they're talking about Marlow, right? They're like, yeah, Marlow used this big sword to free himself and she's like, oh, big sword, huh?

She just, she says, he packs so much power into that body of his. Yeah, it's so sexual. It's so, so sexual. And then there's like eight seconds of creeping silence as they all bob and stare at each other. It's amazing. Well, Julie.

I also have a lot of power in my body. Let's just say it's a good thing I'm already wet. You. But also, they start this scene as well, talking to pickles by saying, we came as fast as you, as we could. It's like, no, you didn't. We just walked you. has like an eight minute conversation

about how friendship is such a wonderful gift from Jesus. While you had eight minutes of knowing your friend was suffocating, you did not come as fast as you could. Nope. So, but yeah, so then pickles sends them off to so that they can just see Marlow and and chat with him about the danger they didn't help a fucking lick with. Now, if you've ever played Donkey Kong Country, you'll be familiar with Marlow, right? This is on guard.

This is the goddamn swordfish from Donkey Kong Country. I was furious about this. They were aiming for a on guard, the swordfish like game, and they threw out all the assets. And now that's what I call movies was like, Hey, we'll take those. You're saying you've got a still hovering image of a fish, you say, well, you're in that market. We could be animated with this light bulbs. We look like he's sort of somehow air-humping the water. We can't not do that as it happens. There is a point in this film where so many of the characters have been bobbing, like,

all together at the same slow rate that ironically I felt seasick. They also have a weird moment where they're like, oh, we came to rescue you. And he, this movie seems really astounded that you would save anyone's life. Right. Like, wow, I can't believe you would save me from dying. What an incredible thing that not everyone would do. Yeah. And then they spent the fucking fish muggles

and joy spent like three minutes explaining why they give the least fucking shit about Marlow. As though that's a great mystery. They're like, yeah, a lot of people would wonder why we would be friends. Someone as worthless and shitty as you. But it turns out Jesus would have us love everybody. And when they first met matter, I really wanted him to be fucking irate with how long it took.

Where the fuck were you guys? Where were I was literally, I put out the distress signal. I know it's how I got the distress signal. I was like fucking morse, courting out my coordinates, my grid coordinates to Professor Shark, where the fuck were you? But now he's flattered and grateful that they did nothing of value. Absolutely nothing of value. Yeah. They say at the end of it as well, like, oh no, Mala, we want to be your friend for a long time to come, which is rough when their life expectancy is under three years. And any less, if they keep hanging out with their natural predators, like fucking sharks, they're going to go near the shark.

It's the toughest lesson, Professor Shark, as it teets them. Yeah, yeah. And also, is it just, they give them a little shit here too, right? They're like, all right, well, next time don't make us come all the fucking way out here, Marlo. Yeah, it's like, don't make a habit of getting into this kind of trouble. It's that you did nothing of any value and then you still felt you could be preach about it.

You really all Christians. Yeah. Yeah. Short of calling themselves a charity while they did this. They did the Christmas. So yeah. So he's like, Hey, you know what? As a thank you for coming way too late to save me.

I want to take you to my favorite algae bed. And this was, I think the moment where I occurred to me just how little we were gonna get, right, because we watched these fish say, wow, what a large algae bed that's just off camera. Yeah. Exactly. But I really wanted the algae to also be anthropomorphized,

like screaming in the end of the entire terror as mile of the sends a moment. No, no, don't get me. Somehow smaller fish show up to rescue the algae were here. Yeah, we got your. We got your. Yeah, I'm not this rest signal to all my friends. Well, I have to. You know, they're Muslim because of algae, Sierra.

That's not a lot. No, it's not a lot there. And this is where they say that the fact that they found algae, like, oh, Jesus show works in mysterious ways. It's like, guys, you found some algae in an ocean filled with algae. It's just mysterious. That's the fucking word of the bill. You can't not get algae.

We try to, it's hard for us to avoid. Also, there's this great moment. This might be, that's not quite, but this is very close to the high point of the movie where Marlow, the swordfish, starts telling joy and muggles that they remind him of David and Jonathan from the Bible. Yeah. So for those of you who haven't read the Bible, I should be super clear. That is super duper a gay relationship.

Yeah. Right, David and Jonathan were a couple of dudes that were fucking in the Bible. Yeah, it's unquent. The Bible is like, love Tim more than his wife as one would love a wife. You know, with a penis in a butt, I'm the wife. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. There's even a part where Jonathan like strips naked before David and you're like, oh,

okay. And he brings that up like he'd give you the shirt off his bed totally does. He cuts Marlowe's in the show. Well, they were such good friends that Jonathan gave him the clothes office back, which I can only assume is Marlow like doing a kind of coded indication to see if they're down. It's like, you know, you guys are like Jonathan and David. How do you feel about my massive sword and my body that packs an all-in-a-mount of power?

There are so many scenes in this that play like those little fish are about to get molested. Yeah. Way too many. Mars, you just blew this wide open for me. The distress signal was grinder. That's why they had his GPS coordinates. Wait, I need a grinder fish. Pun. Grinder fish. I don't think you've got it in you.

I've got it. I'm going to be silent for the rest of the episode. You guys go on without me. Maybe there's something with a grouper. I don't know. He lies currently putting out a distress signal to he. You'd get this in 30 seconds. All right. So, but anyway, so Muggles and Joy head back to prime der. Oh, okay. Okay. There's one point where they are talking about David and Jonathan where he says, you know, David and Jonathan, they actually turned against his own father. Now, for David, Jonathan turned against his own father, and I wanted to carry that thought on.

You know, he turned against his own father, presumably breaking the Holy Commandment to honor thy father and mother, and thus presumably committing an act as bad as murder and theft in the eyes of God. Just keep that thought going. Right. Well, it does go long enough that you start wondering what the fuck moral Marlow is trying to pull out of this thing. I wrote my notes.

You guys are just like Jonathan and David. Kill your dads for me. But the moral here is very clearly that children should go rushing into danger if they hear a vague rumor that an adult might be in difficulty. That's obviously the moral. In some direction. Yeah, exactly. They say that two weeks old. At one point in this, they say there are two weeks old, which is a weird fucking thing for them to say. There are two weeks old these fish. Yeah, the checklist of this movie so far is go off to help adults in mortal danger and homeless people who are known for their fearsome nature. And bear in mind, at the start of this episode, Joy says she's happy to be back from the

open ocean because there's so many predators out there. Right. And Professor Shark is like, oh yeah, yeah, go back out with those predators. Yes. So there's a lot of, there's a lot going on in this. Yeah, but I guess they survive long enough to go back to Professor Shark again and explain this, the details of that vignette to him.

Right. And did we all have that Professor Shark? Would have been a lot more help in that situation than waiting on two two week old tiny fish to eventually get to Marlite. As soon as Shark heard that Marlite was in danger, why the fuck didn't he just go, oh, I'm a shark, I'm pretty big. I'm probably going to get there quick. I get that teeth, I get that, yeah, bite through. This is this is sorted. Me and Marlowe dated.

We try to be cool, but we like don't show up to the same places. Right. I'm Professor Shark. And I want to talk about the end of the scene because they're like, oh, we learned so much. Jesus loves us. But then there's this fucking moment. We all have notes about it where they finished talking and there is a solid Four seconds of bobbing fish silence Like someone forgot to tell the animation cut Yes, 100% I suspect this movie is exactly one hour long Which is what they needed to get five instead of two dollars from Amazon they needed to get five instead of two dollars for Amazon. Brian, this movie is available.

And I guarantee you this four seconds helped make it to the hour. They were like, just to float the fish for a little bit, Frank. It's for a little bit. There we go. We made it to an hour everyone. So I just, I'm sorry to know and your joke, Eli, but as somebody who goes to a lot of trouble to make sure our episodes are exactly an hour long over on our sister shows, Skating Atheist.

I want to point out that this is not an exact, exactly. They're not putting that kind of work into it. But yes, I just have 68 minutes. And at least 20 minutes of that is the same scene of Muggles and Joy are returning to the reef and exactly the same. That's how they made time. And they went all the time and they went, ah, fuck it. We're not going to go back.

Exactly. We'll run as it is. It's fine. It's fine. We cut to screen safer again. It's fine. It's fine. We cut to screen saver again. It's fine. Yeah. Okay. So then the narrator cuts into tell us that we're moving on to another bin yet. They're coming back for another amazing adventure that we didn't get to see. And this is round about the time that I was just about to come to the realization that we're watching episodes because at this point

I thought, is this looping again? Am I in groundhogged it? Do I have to have sex with Andy McDowell? I thought, is this looping again? Am I in groundhog day? Do I have to have sex with Andy McDowell? Is that what's happening? No, Hugh Grant took that for your people. You don't have to. Yeah, she gets one. She only gets one of us.

He made that sacrifice. He's the Jesus of Britain. Yeah, no, I hadn't quite figured it out either. I wrote my notes. I'm like, hey, this is to say woohoo and yay, he's seen from before, but they added a wee in the middle. Like that was gonna throw us off the set. Hold on, let's say it.

While it's swimming at regular pace, then when regular pace goes, wee, which is like you and I walking down the street going, wee. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so then they reintroduced Muggles and Joy. This time they're coming back from exploring other reefs. Again, they all have to start off with the narrator saying what they were just doing and then Muggles and Joy this time they're coming back from exploring other reefs. Again, they all have to start off with the narrator saying what they were just doing and then Muggles and Joy validating that narrator like she's super fragile. Yep. And it's so frustrating so much

of the action in this movie happens off screen. It's fucking rules're going to do. So yeah, so they're like, what's the plot of this one? They're like, I don't know, but I'm sure Professor Shark will. So they go see him and make, I'm going to say 19 minutes of small talk. Oh my God. Have you ever been, this is the only way I can describe it. If you've ever been to a wedding where you are with people who don't belong in your social circle ever, but then you're at their table and you just realize like this wedding is two and a half hours long and the weather ain't going to cut it. So you just like start listing entertainments.

That's this conversation. Oh, god. It's painful. It's fucking painful. Okay. So here's how bad it is. Here are my diser consecutive notes that I wrote. I wrote, it is impossible to express how meaningless and boring this conversation is. Oh, wait. Here you go. When Professor Shark finally brought this

around to the Bible lesson, I described it as finally. And I've got some notes on this as well. I've got some notes on this. So for one thing that just come back from being missionaries, apparently, there've been missionary fish. They've been fishenaries and they don't use fishenaries. And I don't think I can forgive them for not using fishenaries. They've just been missionaries and they're fish. So that is annoying. I realize I just wrote all of this is a thing just happened off screen and now we're going to bulb up and down while we're telling it to a shark. Yeah. And in this instance, it was them giving away algae to strangers. Yeah. Yeah. While Muggles apparently

introduced himself to so many strangers, it feels like his fin will fall off and it took me a while to realize by fin, he means hand from handshaking. I was like, oh, you've been introducing yourself to so many strangers that your fin is about to fall off. Like thank God you kept that off screen. Is all I'm going to say. We don't, we don't need to see Muggles gang banging his way around the neighbors' coral reef. Like one reef of them. Don't goddamn sell. I learned a trick from Marlow. But also they keep talking about the Bible. I don't think any of these fish read the Bible. I can't see the Bible. Notissibly, Bubble Town doesn't have a single church. And then I thought, what universe is this movie creating? Is the Jesus that they're talking about our Jesus? Or did they have their own fish Jesus? Did ancient fish nail a Jesus fish to an underwater

cross? And then when he ascended to heaven, was he just being like, reeled in by fishermen? Cause I want them to make that move. Yes. And that would imply an existence of normal secular fish, who though these fish like swim up to and they're like, Hey, have you heard the good news? And like, Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm going to eat you right now. I'm just going to stab you in the eye and let you die and float to the surface. So anyway, eventually they get to the end of this boring ask conversation. Professor Shark is like, well, why don't you take the rest of the day off and just go have fun. And they're like, wow, no plot at all, huh?

So they go to see their friend, busy the blowfish. Yeah. And physics explains to them why it's so much better to give than receive, which I think is why Muggles Finn is about to fall off. Well, for fuck's sake, they have the same boring conversation about giving away algae that they just had with the shark again. Yeah. But fizzy's got an interesting take on charity here. Fizzies like, hey, you guys seem a little prideful about all the good you did. Remember what Jesus said? Don't infight your friends the dinner, invite Fizzies words, not mine. Cripples because they are useless and can't pay you back.

Yeah, yeah. And I thought, oh God, please let this episode involve Muggles and Joy having a dinner party with lots of fish with all manner of disabilities, just to really test the capabilities of this 3D animator. Like show me how you're going to do like octopus, missing an eye and starfish, missing a leg. I want to see how far your animation skills actually go. Oh, I got to tell you, well, first of all, nowhere at all, here's how the farther they go, they bob up and down just a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Because the whole point of this episode, the whole point of this entire movie is, you know, fuck showing, fuck telling, retelling gets the Drake doing the pointy thing panel of the meme. That's what this entire film is based on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Not only did they tell us about what they did off-screen,

but now they're telling us about the fact that they told us about what they'll happen off-screen. Yeah. And once again, we get some great innuendo here where if you just read this as busy trying to fuck muggles and him being too naive to realize it, it becomes way more entertaining. Yeah, very much so. Dealing tips for the listeners. And then we get more fat shaming. Oh, you're right about the whale. Yeah, they're going to go thank the whale. And he and he's like don't worry We'll just look for the biggest whale we can find and joy is like don't say she's fat She's a girl and I wrote my notes a movie that has not managed to work Animation into its animated movie has worked body-shaming and sexism into it twice. I'm not mad

I'm just impressed. Yeah, I'm not even mad And if you're wondering if they're going to manage to get racism as well, just you wait. Okay, they've nailed ablyism. Is in here in spades. So then fucking Muggles and Joy swim onto another scene where they will boringly converse with yet another character about the same damn conversation they just had twice interrupt. So this is the whale that originally showed them where the algae bed was so that they would have so much algae to give away to strangers, right? So they're now going to think that whale

for all the algae. Hey Noah, can I can I apologize for something? You know, sometimes I think about the fact that like you really are like one of the best minds I'll ever have the privilege of knowing and just for a second the fact that it was directed at the plot of Yeah, it's a real bummer man. I was just I was just thinking about how many brilliant Dire traps you've written and then you being like no no no this is the whale that you being like, no, no, no, this is the whale that showed the reality. But not really. Here. Also Eli, non taken, non taken.

That's what it's fun. Mars, you and I belong here. We found all that. We found our place. So yeah, so they're complimenting Patty the whale on showing them where the algae wasn't they're like, we have a gift to give you in return, we're going to show you where all the crustaceans hide from you all the time. Oh, this is all good because they swim with patty the whale to the gift that they've got

now, which is a seabed that was already there filled with crustaceans, which in this universe must be sentient beings because to be clear, filled with crustaceans, which in this universe must be sentient beings because to be clear, crabs are crustaceans. Yep. We've already seen crabs talking and and feeling down and having massive smiles while talking about how depressed they are. And I just really, really wanted the whale to eat scary Henry at this point. Yes.

I wanted the Cammy of scary Henry come right back in. It's a looming shot of the whale appearing behind scary Henry and Muggles is just like, now you're scared, Henry, aren't you? Well, he's got this massive, fixed grin still is absolutely terrifying grin. Yeah, but so I want to be super clear on this one too, because we're sort of wrapping up this vignette, believe it or not, at this point, after having the same conversation three times in a row, the moral seems to be, and please correct me if I'm wrong, do nice things without expecting a reward. And you might just get rewarded.

Yes. That is exactly it. It's absolutely. It's amazing. Yeah. Rewarding other, even say this to Professor Shalk in a moment, you know, rewarding others without being coerced, will reward us in ways we never imagined, which is coercion. Yes. I love the, the fucking Freeman on the land without coercion that they can throw it in there on the right. It doesn't count if you're paying fucking tax. Professor Shark starts talking about how taxation is. And because they are back with Professor Shark, you know, they say, oh, Professor Shark,

the look on her face was priceless. Or, you know, about $40 on Shuttle Stock. Yeah, right. Exactly. It was a giant grin as always. I was right to my notes at this point, guys, is he mad at us? They also, the shark also says, you know, I'm certain tomorrow we just as magical as it is. And it's like, well, when you're setting the bar that high, then,

and I love this poor narrator has to wrap it up, but nothing has happened in the narrator. And so the narrator is just like, and then they just kept swimming on, I guess. With hearts full of gratitude and love for God, Muggles enjoy swim forever onward. Yes, what? It sounds like a fucking curse. Yes, absolutely. Forever onward does sound like there's

some kind of afterlife punishment in the world. And Muggles enjoy will never stop swimming until you solve this riddle. All right, so then we open our next vignette with the same so any way intro as the others, right? The narrator's like, Muggles enjoy, we're coming back from frallicking all day in the water. And they're like, wow, sure did enjoy that frallicking all day in the water. So this one I realized with each successive vignette, I'm displaying a different emotional. I was actively angry this time that the segment opened with them

talking about adventures we didn't get to see. I thought, am I going through the stages of grief? On a previous vignette, I was like, no, it can't be. It can't possibly be. And I was thinking, all right, maybe the next one will be better. It's fine. The next one will be better. And I'm going through tonight. I'm going through bargaining. I'm angry at this point. Depression follows pretty good. Right.

And acceptance. Yeah. And then acceptance. Yeah. By the end, this was Martian's favorite movie. All right. So anyway, the key here though is that they didn't do their homework today, which was a field trip during school hours.

Whatever. It's great because you can feel the writers losing their ability to work. which was a field trip during school hours, whatever, doesn't fucking matter. It's great because you can feel the writers losing their ability to write this movie. They're like, oh, Muggles, we were supposed to fuck. What's a fish's homework? Look at Coral and we were out not doing that. They were out playing in the open water, which they say, oh They were out playing in the open water, which they say, oh, we love playing in the open water,

but the very last episode, Joy was scared of being in the open water because it was filled with predators and wife with danger. And I thought, Joy clearly gets off in the danger. And I thought, is this film a remake of flatliners? Is this slackliners? Oh, it's slack line back out. I love that.

So yeah, and honestly, I was like, oh, wait, wait, wait, I think the moral of this story is going to be lying is bad. And that's actually like compared to what we've gotten so far in this movie, that's great, right? That's a real thing. That's true. Yeah, that's solid at that point. Yeah, absolutely.

So anyway, so they check back in with Professor Shirk after making the plan to just lie to him about doing their homework, right? Yeah. And Professor Shirk is introduced as the greatest teacher in the ocean when all he does is Hava in the exact same spot, like an NPC quest giver, fish to the same two fish to turn up. Yeah. We also learned that he has firm but gentle fins here. Again, they're constantly appealing to people who are so fixated on hitting their kids that they want to make sure the shark teacher and the animated movie they're watching isn't a pussy. Yes. Yes. So they lie to them about the homework. They say that all the currents were too strong and we couldn't we couldn't do it. And he's like, you know, I a couple other students saw you fucking off and nart out. So you're lying to me.

What are the students? We've only ever seen him with two, he's only been on screen with two fish. He has no other students. He's just imagined it. Fizzy, fizzy, maybe. We haven't we've never seen shark and fizzy in the same place. I'm not saying that's like a Tyler Darden thing whether the same thing. Also not saying it isn't split but with the fish from this movie. God, I feel the soul shit. All right. So but yeah, but so Professor Shark exposed that he knows that they lied. He's very disappointed and he choose them out all while wearing this like overjoyed smile about it, which is again phenomenal.

I wanted him to eat them as punishment. I thought he's an actual shock. There you go. Just eat them. It's a fact. At this point, my notes are to be, if you're listening, if you add a button so I can watch stuff at one and a half or two X speed, I'll give you 200 American dollars. And the other thing is here, what Professor Shark tells him is they've got to go with Mr. Flipps to go and see Mr. Sushi. And I thought, is this an execution? Because Mr. Flipps

definitely sounds like the name of Mr. Shark's enforcer. That is a pseudonym given to him for what he does. And Mr. Sushi is absolutely the disposal guy. Oh, I'm happy. Yeah. So this is an execution for the chop. Yeah, he says you need to go talk to Mr. Sushi about moral purity, which fun fact is my new code for Cunnelingas. So yeah, right. No, he's like, I'll forgive you, but only after you go have a couple of boring conversation with characters we've never met yet. So they head off to find Mr. Flipp's the dolphin. Now apparently news travels fast underwater because he's already heard about them being filthy fucking liars by the time they get there. How, how has he heard that they

were having that conversation with Shark and then they've swam directly to Mr. Flips who has has Shark got some sort of like a telephone line going on. We sent out a distress signal. Do you stress it? Yeah, it's playing to it. Absolutely. And then he quotes the book of Timothy at them. He's like, remember what the book of Timothy says? And I really want them to be like, joy, you need to shut the fuck up when Muggles is talking.

Yeah. would be like, Joy, you need to shut the fuck up when Muggles is talking. Yeah, he's three. He called the book of Timothy and then he called another Bible passage, asterisk. Right. Okay, this movie was so poorly done that I could not tell if that they used the same Bible passage twice in a row. Yeah, yeah. And I thought, am I going mad? Right.

I had to rewind it to make sure that I hadn't just imagined it, but they used the same fucking thing. Exactly the same words. It's crazy. And then nobody acknowledges it. It's not a joke about how forgetful Mr. Flip says nobody seems to realize that it has happened. What's the not? They just bob there with massive idiotic greens. This is mocking me.

Mocking me for it. This is where I was wondering, like, how many times would they have to repeat this before we would stop watching? And then he gives one of my favorite lines in the whole movie. They're like, just, okay, so, we also had to go see Mr. Sushid, do you know where he is? And then he says, he's for not that way. Not. Yes. Oh, how many parsecs would that be, Mr. Flips?

Tell me how many. Jesus fucking Christ. All right, well, let's do it. Every moment in this movie screams, we need a break. So we're gonna take one here. But first, let me give Acht through the hard sell. Will anyone ever pick an item up?

Will anyone ever physically interact with another character? Will anyone ever gesture an item up? Will anyone ever physically interact with another character? Will anyone ever gesture in a manner appropriate to their dialogue? No, but keep listening anyway and we'll be back in a couple of ounces with all the inert bloviation that is. Finding Jesus. Mako said joy had back to Professor Shock Shock who isn't a pussy and would totally belt them in a fucking mouth if they talk to him back. I assure you. Well, hello there Muggles enjoy.

What did you learn from Mr. Wiggles the Eel? The friendship is a gift from Jesus. Oh, you said it. You know, you two are such good friends. You remind me of Jonathan and David! Uh-huh, we're not that kind of friend professor, we're just good pals. What do you mean that kind of friend? You know, Jonathan and David were both very obviously gay. Gay? What?

Puckpeock. I mean, Jonathan gave David the shirt off his back Well, Ryan and all of his other clothes too because you know of the sex they were having to The sex they were having yeah Fish these days everything has to be Sexual get two men sleep in the bed naked? Two thousand years ago without everyone...awesomeing something? No. You know what? I've had enough of this muggles and joy. I'm going home to watch my favorite friendship movie fried green tomatoes. You should watch it.

You could learn a thing or two about friendship. Do we tell them? No, no, I don't think you two. No. Paul Land! And we're back for more of this shit. If you've been thinking to yourself, I wish they'd just make with the racism already. You are in for a treat because it is finally time for the high slash low point of the movie, Mr. Sushi. Hooray! Now, so Mr. Sushi is a sushi roll, hmm, whose voice is like, as racist as an impression could possibly be. Absolutely.

If you were trying to pick a fight with a Japanese person, the voice of Mr. Sushi would be a good way to do it. Yeah, and I don't think I was prepared for this because when Sushi came on screen, I paused it and found myself in voluntary screaming, oh my god, that it was an actual floating bit of sushi. He's an actual floating bit of sushi. Why is he a floating bit of sushi knocking around the Pacific Ocean? No real idea. The rest of the Wal-Bin fish, he is food, but he's got a little face and stuff, and I paused it to take in how he looks before he said a word. And I thought, this is really bad.

This is as bad as it gets. It's like a sushi with a little Japanese moustache, which is already pretty bad. He's got cod raw for hair, which is the inner reproductive tract of fish, which I thought, fuck, that's dark. I just wanted, yeah, I wanted Muggles enjoy to come to that realization during this conversation

and just crumble in horror, like they were looking a fucking Hannibal lector That didn't happen. This would be like if in fucking the goonies there had been an adult character who was three men sliced into pieces tied together with twine with uterus is on his head. And they were just like, you're right, friendship is important. And then, and then the accent happened, and oh, fuck, the accent. And he sort of sounded like a racist impression of a Japanese pirate. Yes. And then somehow he slid into more pirate and more Irish. And I thought, when did that make him less offensive?

But they didn't achieve the impossible. We're sliding into other stereotypical accents. it and more Irish. And I thought, where did that make him less offensive? Like, David, she's the impossible. We're sliding into other stereotypical accents, somehow makes this better. It's weird. It's like they've gone beyond racism now. Yeah. Yeah. They're all looping back. As he just, as they're talking, he's just looking top left, top right, top left, top right, top left, top right, just on a loop. No matter what he's saying or what they're saying to him, his eyes are just scrolling from top left, top right. left top right top left top right just on a loop. No matter what he's saying or what they think to him. He's his eyes are just scrolling from top left top right. So you've got they had like two seconds of animation of him and it's just on a loop. It's so weird. It's so weird. He's wearing dead fish goods as a hat talking to them

about the benefit of friendship in an accent that I am not going to mimic. Even Eli is not going to mimic. No, Eli is not going to mimic. Eli is not going to mimic. Before this record, I did a couple of bits where I was like, maybe I could do Mr. Sushi's voice and I was like, it's more of a 2007 episode. Yeah. My not so filled with me transcribing phonetically what he's doing that I don't think I can read out even though it's just a phonetic transcription of what's going on.

He references Jesus Christ at one point. Okay, like you just give you an idea how bad it gets. Yeah, but ultimately he racistly explains that Jesus forgives them for lying even though they're worthless pieces of shit. Yeah. And they don't deserve it. He tells them the curse of God is on the house of the wicked, which is just classic kids movie still. I love it. Hey, Pixar's been getting pretty dark lately. I wouldn't be surprised if that should have something.

But he's like, but now that you are repentant or whatever, I can take you to this sunken ship where you can study coral. And I was like, honestly, I was expecting them to stand there and go, wow, what a beautiful sunken ship. Just off camera. But there was actually a ship there. I was impressed. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, it's weird that we're so beaten down by this movie that we're so immensely grateful that there's an expert ship. So I think I know a little about the history of that ship. So I think the plot to either under the sea or a Christmas under the sea is that they visit a sunken ship. So I think they bought that sunken ship for a different film.

It was a central part of the plot of that different film. And now they're just getting their money's worth. Oh, there you go. They're just going to bring that sunken ship wherever they can. Yeah, no, so I want to be super care. Nobody interacts with the sunken ship. They don't go in or come out of it or lean against it or anything. It's just in the background. This is going to land for two audience members, which is always a great joke to put on your comedy podcast. But in unity, this thing I'm learning right now, they have these pre-made backgrounds

that you can use for your just learning this video game, video game. So in the background, there's like a space war going on And then I'm like when you move the left click and bounce the ball That's the animation levels of this scene right But yeah, so they're all happy. They promised they'll never lie again And then we are finally done with that race-ass-ass character and head back to the reef for the professor shark wrap-up I really wanted Professor Shark to be like so Mr, Mr. Sushi problematic as fuck am I right? Jesus.

They do say they've got a surprise for shark and I really hope they'd brought back Mr. Sushi for him to eat. Like, yeah, he fucking deserves it. Did you see him? God, he fucking deserves it. If anyone deserves it, it's this fucker. Look at what he's wearing for a hat. Oh, so they keep using the term moral purity throughout this episode in a way that's just freaking me the fuck out.

Mm-hmm, yeah. But yeah, so they surprise Professor Shark by having done their homework after all, and then he's proud of them for having lie. You learn to know, now I'll tell you what kids next time if you don't behave yourselves, you're gonna go see Mr. Shishkabob and he's a real hard woman.

So you guys wanna watch scary Henry get torn apart by a couple of teenagers in a red lobster? No, well then do your fucking homework. Okay. All right, and then we get the weird-ass division scene again, right? This time we open this next fin yet with Muggles and Joy having just moved to a new coral reef because the strong current destroyed the last one. Now, I want to point out that the new coral reef is the exact same animation pixel for

fucking pixel. Yeah, absolutely. They've done a wonderful job recreating it. Absolutely. The new coral reef is the exact same animation pixel for fucking pixel. Yeah, absolutely. They've done a wonderful job recreating it. Absolutely. That is packed off to all of the hardware into all those fish you did that. That is a stellar job. Also, see if you can find the line in this interesting that doesn't belong.

Fish, fantastic. The fish will always rise. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, that was a weirdly white supremacist. Also, I just want to point out white bait supremacist. Yeah. But also, I want to point out that we did fish tech. They had fantastic earlier.

We're devolving, right? As we go. Guys, we really blew our loan with fish. Tastic. So yeah, so then they go see Professor Shark because that's how the episodes start apparently. Yeah, they have this weird long conversation about how they should teach a Sunday school class. When they introduce Professor Shark, this is a very important line to me. They go, he's an narrator later goes,, his school has seen peril more than once. I really wanted to flash back to him and

a war range is like tearing the throat out of another shark. No, the fifth fellow is right. Sorry, you kids were saying. Yeah, there's like a submarine going above just dropping napalm all over his fish schools. No, no. There's something happening here. He's dropping his knees to Adal's hip hop for strings. Yes. So I had, I was thinking like I had a professor X vision right there like from X menu united or something. Oh yeah, absolutely.

Sure. So, but yeah, so he explains that they could do a class of their own and then they're like, that's not the plot, is it? He's like, oh hell no, no, because then we'd have to have a bunch of student fish and everything. No, no, no, no, you're gonna go talk to one person at a time again. Yeah, oh, it's so weird, because he also tells him how proud he is for them and the work they've done reassembling the whole town, they're in, bubble town that they're in. He's so proud of what they did before the episode started that we can't see. And I thought, am I allowed to talk about how proud I am

of the hilarious drugs that I brought and delivered before we hit record? I've had his podcast as well. There's a weird line as well. Muggles tells Professor Shark, well, flattery will get you everywhere, Professor, which is one, a weird line and two weird intonation of that line. Stop trying to fuck your teacher, muggles. Yeah, right. So yeah, and also, by the way, so I feel like we have to emphasize that once again, the point here, the moral of this story, as we lead into it, and throughout will be, hey, if your house gets knocked down by a tornado or is destroyed in a fire and you lose everything that you own, try not to be a whiny little bitch about it, okay?

Yeah, don't be so whiny. They even tell him, they even say to Shark, you know, we're on it to serve you, our teacher, and God, you know, sent the wave that destroyed our entire village. Right. Right. He's like, well, you know, you guys sure are upbeat about the recent disasters. Why don't you go see Mr. Boo Cakes, who is not doing as well with having been, you know, destroyed out of house and home.

I love the every other system they have of naming fish, either after the thing they are, Flippy the Dolphin, or just like Mr. the death chair. They're great. Mr. Death chair. There you go. But after we just seen Mr. Sushi, was're great. He's Mr. Death Chair. There you go. But after we'd just seen Mr. Sushi, was anyone else expecting something really fucking weird from Boomba? Yeah. Honestly, a minstrel fish was not out of the possibility. I thought it would be just some other food stuff as well.

We've learned from Sushi, we're not consigned to the realm of aquatic man, aquatic man. No, you're right. we've learned from sushi were not consigned to the realm of aquatic man, a quattro, your brother, right? All when in the set of all things by this point. Well, okay. So yes, and they go off to check out Mr. Buckeaks, but first, Pete, the pothead trumpet fish shows up as though he was like their top donor on kickstarter. I didn't let Marla the swordfish do what he did to me in that men's room. If for me not to get it in line in this fucking movie, I'm peeing the bum of the vision. How's it go? And I swear to God, I spent so long looking through stock clip websites that I'm sure I saw Pete in one of those clips. And so when he came on screen, I feel like I was sort of seeing an actor

that I was, and I was like, oh my god, is that that guy. Oh, that guy. That's the guy from that thing. Mars is just sitting around with his nieces. You know, that fish was in a Christian movie. Yeah. So, but they introduce Pete quick like they're trying to sell more fucking toys and then he fucks off. And then they catch up with Boo Kakes, who is, we learned at this point, a man to ray and not with a racist accent.

I mean, no, but he does have a haunted look in his eyes that I can only assume is the constant memory of the time he kills Dee Bowen. Yeah. So yeah, so they catch up with Mr. Boo cakes and like, hey, Mr. Boo cakes, our home was destroyed. And you know, we didn't pout and mope around about it all day. How are you doing? Yeah. And Mr. Boo Cakes, our home was destroyed and you know, we didn't pout and mope around about it all day. How are you doing? Yeah, and Mr. Boo Cakes is like, I'm sad and they're like, didn't we do this in the first episode? Even about a homeless thing. Yeah, it was.

Yeah, right. And there, so their way of cheering them up is to just bitch in and before being so whiny, right? They're like, oh, it's not so bad. You still have your health and us and Jesus. Yep. That's the extent of their help. Yeah. It's like the Bible says, if you're sad about your misfortunes, you're wicked.

Slippery in the fucking thing. I mean, they quote Jeremiah eight four. They say enough a man goes the wrong way. He turns around and goes back. I'm not sure the Bible continues about the bit where the way I stops and then pats his pocket and then take like mine's pretend that he's forgotten his wallet somewhere and that's what he turns around and he struggles the other way just in case anybody's watching him. See, I paraphrased Jeremiah 84 and my notes and just wrote, I get knocked down but I get back up

again. I'm going to keep me down. I also wrote that. Oh, did you? Yeah. Yeah. No, the one you're thinking of, there was also Proverbs 14 32, which is if you're sad about your personal misfortune, it's because you're evil. Bukakes is like, all right, man, I get that you have

Bible versus and everything, but I'm still homeless in destitute and Muggle says, I get that you have Bible verses and everything, but I'm still homeless in destitute. And Muggle says, I'm not getting here. Oh, I don't talk about yourself like that, Mr. Boo Kicks. So he does, but there's a line that he missed, which I think makes it even weirder. He says, but I'm just one man to ray. And he says, oh, don't talk about yourself that way. It's like, what is a discrete entity?

How else is he going to talk about himself? I am a continuum. I am part of the initial of everything. I was so bit bottled by that fucking lot. I am the universe in Haley. Let's get a Zen on this fucker. Have you guys read any David? I you got to get in there. I'm telling you. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, no, but this at this point, it's become so fucking Republican because they're literally telling him like,

Hey, man, you know, don't stand around feeling bad. person whose home was destroyed literally minutes ago. Get off your ass and do something about it. Right? That's literally the message that is being sent to us here. Yep. Yeah, 100%. This gold breaker was.

So they're like, well, boot cakes come with us. We've got a new place for you to live. We'll help you find a new C bed. So he goes along with him and he's like, yeah, guys, you know, I'm feeling better already. Maybe my misfortune was all my fault. And they do find him a new place to live. And it is, it's perfect for him because it is pixel by pixel identical to the last place you live. Yeah.

I can see why you guys thought of me when you found this. This is exactly my sort of thing. It's like, we walked out the right side of the image and came back and on the left. Yeah. There is a super weird bit where BooKix looks around and says, oh, this must be like 70 square feet or something. He's like, how, how does he do such a quick square footage assessment of the sea bed? It's like, I think it's bigger than that. How about the count? I think it's bigger. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So yeah, but he's, he's excited. His new C bed is even bigger than the C bed before.

How are the fuck that's possible? And he agrees that everything is better now that they've told him to fuck the fuck up. So they head back for the obligatory debriefing with Professor Shark, right? And then they're going to do the same Bible passage again. Yep. In case you forgot it. At least they did it with different characters this time, as opposed to the same character twice in a row. God, those are the fucking strollers we're clutching at now.

Only two of the face that was on screen when you repeated the Bible passage. Best worst at least. Hey, I got a Paw Patrol commercial at this point because I was watching it on 2B. I fucking came from all the stimulus. I was like, oh, moving objects and characters with names. Get the fuck out of here, Paw Patrol. Oh, and once again, that coordinator

has to come in and summarize it. You know, so they're like, and then, you know, the next minute happened. They told me this was only going to be a one day shoot. It feels like it's been forever. And then, okay, we replay that intro for, as I wrote my notes at the time, what I at least desperately hope is one final time. And I find myself actively sad that these fish can't drown.

I know it's technically possible, but Jesus, I don't ask you for lock, God. I go out my way not to ask you for lock, but just with this one thing, just let me see these fish drown. Yeah, so, but this one interesting is starts off with joy pointing out to muggles that the ocean is getting awfully polluted. And I'm like, wow, is this episode going to have an environmental mess? We're done. Oh, we're done.

I never bring that up again. They know their audience, right? They were like, now wait a second. I did throw a plastic bottle in the ocean. That's okay. If they mention the temperature of the water, they will have to be here. I will punch my TV and call Jesus on this.

Yeah. I thought it was like, this place is getting full of things that don't belong. That will punch my TV and call Jesus on the... I thought it was like, you know, this place is getting full of things that don't belong. Like plastic bottles and Mexicans. So this is... This is... Yeah, this is something. Build that wall. Oh, it's Mr. Taco!

Hey, there kids, it's me, Mr. Fish Taco! As horrifying as I am, problem-ending! Muggles. I'm filled with your mother. So yeah, joy is like, wow, this conversation is so generically banal. This must be the opening. I guess we're supposed to go see Mr. Professor Shark now, huh? Who like weirdly we we are introduced as being at the tipety top of his food chain, which is a way thing to introduce right now, but like eat the baby fish, then please eat these baby fish. This is the one thing you will put in that ocean to do. Just eat the fucking baby fish. I wrote my nose when he said I was like, did the narrator just make a veiled bread on

Professor Sharks bear? And then they went to see Mr. Professor Shark who could eat the fuck out of him if he wanted to But yeah, so now we meet Professor Shark. He is very bummed that busy didn't keep her word to go play with Rosie today Okay, I Feel like Professor Shark had something to do with this. I was psychotically Imagining plots now because he's talking so hesitantly. I was like what did Professor Shark have to do with this. I was psychotically imagining plots now because he's talking so hesitantly. I was like, what did Professor Shark have to do with this? Because he's like, well, there's a little bit of the problem. I thought he was going to tell us like, I'm technically not allowed near a playground anymore. Can you guys go talk to Fizzy for me?

You guys want to hang out at my house? It turns out Megan's law doesn't apply under Walter, so I'm fine. Well, yeah, right. What I love about this is that like, he says, you know, Fizzy didn't show up for a play date with Rosie to which Muggles and Joy offer up like, you know, eight or nine reasons where that might have happened, other than Malice on Fizzy's part. And every one of them, Professor Sharks like, no, I'm pretty sure she's just an evil wicked piece of shit. No, this is a blood feud. I thought shock was acting so fucking shifty here that he must have eaten one of them because he's

introduced his tippy top of the food chain and then one of the other fish has gone missing. He's just trying to cover the fact that he's eaten that fish. Right. Yeah, absolutely. And he's just inflating all the excuses they can think of. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So yeah. And he's like, well, if Rosie doesn't have anybody to play with, why we could just go find Fizzy. I'm like, I feel like there's another solution. But okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. Find Fizzy. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Play with Fizzy? Absolutely fucking not. Have you seen her?

So, okay, so first it goes to see Rosie, who is a sad little seahorse, but of course, it's despite being super sad and that being the plot she is smiling the whole time. Yeah, I totally checked out this film at this point and a cutesy talking seahorse was not going to get me back with every single like syllable luchy mangled into cutesy talking seahorse was not going to get me back with with every single like syllable that she mangled into cutesy little talk. I'm a little seahorse was oh god no no. But what was amazing is she says like really destructive scary shit. If you pay attention to it, they're like, oh, I'm sure it was a mistake. And she's like, have you thought of the idea that she just doesn't care? I'm gonna kill myself and name her in my note.

And you're like, oh, all right, Fizzy. No, it's, she's pretty cynical. Everybody's pretty damn cynical, Fizzy's motives here. And at this point, Muggles is basically, anyway, Rosie, don't be such a cut. Yep, basically, he's in prostrate. Yeah.

And then they start trying to make excuses again, once again, Rosie isn't buying it, but I love that the excuses are all kind of boiled down to like, you know, fizzy is fucking dumb. Like fizzy is so fucking stupid. She might have just, you know, she might be stuck in her own goddamn bathroom pushing instead of pulling, you know, fizzy.

And at this point as well, I just couldn't help but think this is aimed at kids and some kids will lap this shit up. And this film is a more effective formal contraception than a condom. Like I can watch it. I've made all the correct choices in my life to this point. There is no small child forcing me to sit through this hour of bullshit on a four hour loop essentially. This is my life is going in my direction. Oh God. So okay. So they head out to see if they basically make Rosie Promise not to kill herself until

they can get back, right? Right. Now, Fizzy, this is for the first time in the whole goddamn movie a returning character. I was so livid here. I was like, I demand a new fish. You can't a new fish. You can't even be in love with movie. You can't reuse the fish. What shocked me is that they had the same name for it, right?

I expect that this one to just be day of the blow, fish, right? So here's a spoiler for some of the other films. The same fish models are in them with completely different names. And there is a professor shark who is their teacher, who is a different shark. He's a political shark with a reading. Oh, lack of consistency in the B.T.U. That's the bubble towns universe. Oh, okay. I wondered

why you bought B.T.U. dot com on our corporate credit card, but now I feel a lot better. Last time. Yeah. So, but they find Fizzy the blowfish and dammit. A Fizzy didn't think the play date was tomorrow. She didn't realize today was fucking Thursday Yeah, and that's the stakes. That's the stakes. We got to play with a cartoon fish forgot what day it was yep And also, honestly, I think busy's just making some shit up at the last minute and is pretty good at it Because we're just trying to explain it. She's like, oh, I thought it was I thought today was Wednesday You know, I'm really clumsy and my sense of direction is terrible. What the fuck does that have to do with knowing what day it is?

Well, I bought furniture too because my last department was furnished. Okay, Fizzy. I get it. That's a deep cut for scaling patrons. And this way it's like, Fizzy, do you want to play tomorrow? And I want to be like, well, she says, that's Friday, Friday, right? And I want her to carry on be like, oh, Friday, right? Yeah, I think I have, I think I might have a thing. I just need to get with that. Oh, I so want someone you don't know. I'll get back to you.

I've got your number. I can give you a distress call. I'll just give you a distress call. I'll tell you my coordinates if it's fine. It's fine. I said a distress signal. So yeah, so they're like, well, it's fine. It's fine. I said a distress signal. So yeah.

And they're like, well, she's like, oh, I feel terrible. Rosie must feel awful. She's like, well, hey, why don't you come back and apologize in the fish? Now, that is a fish flesh joke. Just hanging out there like Eli was in a hurry on his headline puns or something.

I just like, as that happened, I imagine like he's just a here next to me and stared at the screen and grueling. So anyway, all three of them go back to see Rosie and cheer her the fuck up. Yeah. There's also okay, you guys please talk me down from the ledge on this one, right? At one point here, Rosie says, don't worry, I'm a pink fish. We're the most loyal kind of fish. I'm like, they, they just said pink skin is better than the other colors, right? That's like actually in the fucking movie, right? Yeah, just like just a catfish that looks like Charles Marie comes floating up. You know,

I think it's a really interesting thing that pink fish have a different idea. Yeah, there's another fish in the background with a set of callipas pointing out the little dimple in the back of the shawks head. Yeah. Suddenly they got scary Henry up on like posters all around. So yeah, so they they fucking busy and rosy bump their plate eight up until the next day and all is right with the world. That was the plot. It is now resolved.

So they can go back for the fucking wrap up with Professor Sharks scene one last time. This feels like he, something he could have solved. Like he wrote the extra fish to go talk to the fish he was worried about and all you need to do is talk that fish. So like, God, just do your fucking job. Just just get out and just stop bobbing it up and down in the archway to your school and get out there. Do your fucking job.

He's very clearly got an under the table boner and he's been making excuses this entire movie not to leave. Well, he has, but at the same time, he's like air humping the water around him. So he's not doing anything to deescalate that situation. Exactly. Exactly. No, the plot of this entire movie is them getting around the fact that they didn't get any animation of Professor Shark move. And yeah, I also want to throw out there that like, they're in this last scene that was like, okay, they're going to see Professor Shark. I'll admit it

I tuned out a little bit. Maybe I checked Twitter and when I tuned back in Professor Shark was talking about the Israelites killing the ammonite Okay, okay, so yes Yes, first of all, he says when you break up promise it makes Jesus sad And I'm like of all the reasons not to break up promise you managed to find one that's meaningless. And then he says, it's like the book of Joshua. Now I wrote in my notes when he said that I paused the movie and I wrote, is it going to be a genocide part? Because most of the book of Joshua is and it was yep, it was the genocide part. the kids movie ends with a Bible quote about the Lord handing over the enemies of Israel to Joshua's armies.

Yeah, that's what the shark had to say about forgiving play. If you're seahorse, if I said that, people would be like, Hey, man, can I check your crawl space? But if a cartoon truck says it, it's fine. It's suddenly. Yeah, right. So the, the, apparently the reason we shouldn't skip out on play dates is because God will turn us over to the Israel.

Jesus Christ. All right. Well, Marsh, we cannot thank you enough for making yourself with through this one. I mean, and I mean that in a can't make a square circle kind of way. But if our listeners want to make it up to you by checking out your other stuff, we're riding where they should go. Yeah, you can listen to a skeptics of the K, where I talk about sort of skeptic investigations that myself and my co-host are doing. You can hear me talk to people who believe all things on B reasonable, or you can read the skeptic,

a skeptic to know to you, okay, where I'm the editor. And there has just been a string of fantastic stuff on skeptic since you took over, man, that you have really revitalized it's been a become a great resource. Yeah, I'm really pleased with this, I think it's pretty cool. It's skepticism the way that I think skepticism should be done.

I agree, 100%. And while that's gonna do it for our review of Finding Jesus, that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet, cause we still need to dip our toes back in these waters against so Eli tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, you lucky so-and-so, you'll be missing a real treat, cause we're gonna be watching Newsboys

down under the big top. I miss it, Newsboys. Mm, wait, show up for that episode after all. Okay. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring up a 324 to a merciful clothes once again a huge thanks to Mars for hanging out with us today. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make it the show go. If you like to get yourself among their

ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash God off on there by your own early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a time by leaving a five star review and sharing the show and only various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our civilly shows the scanning of the ADS citation to the D&D minus and the skeptic read available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, just in a magic suggestion, you can email gotoffemotes.gmail.com, link of services to this podcast, provided by the law, this is a PNRU, tournist, Tim Robbins, and takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Roddys Lockney, the Dross on Mars, all of the music was written

and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clarkam was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a checkier life this week week for Heathen Wright and Eli Bosting. I'm No Lichens, promise to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with breakfast club clothes. While now entertainment released eight new animated films during the recording of this podcast. In the deleted scenes, Mr. Sushi commits the poop. Heet will be reviewing Finding Jesus too by himself in a very special solo episode. Christmas, 2020. I went to like 30 different variations of like under the C span kind of jokes there, but

none of them. Just couldn't go. I got to fit. Yeah. Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick. And I'm Michael Marshall. I don't know about you podcast listener, but I am tired of being lied to. Oh God, here we go. About what it takes to eat a healthy breakfast.

Oh, um, yeah, no mind, no mind. Yeah. So Magic Spoon cereal has the amazing flavors you love, but without all the bad stuff. It's got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, four net grams of carbs in each serving, and only 140 calories. Plus, it's gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and low-carb. But I know what you're thinking. Are you just going to break my heart with bad news over and over and over?

There was a world wide pandemic, Elon. By not letting you build your own box with the flavors you like of Magic Spoon cereal. Don't worry. Magic Spoon cereal does let you build your own box. Available flavors to build your own custom bundler, cocoa fruity frosted peanut butter, blueberry cinnamon, cookies and cream, and maple waffle. Oh, um, okay. Yeah.

Never mind. Um, again, I guess. Yeah. and maple waffle. So go to magicspoon.com slash gam to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code gam a checkout to save $5 off your order. And magic spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of the guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash scam

and use the code GAM to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Yeah, right. I mean, I don't even know why I'm not showing up. I think you had a marsh for ruining my year by canceling QED again. Thank you. There it is.

There it is. There it is. Skeptica the decade. Lulu Lulu doing skeptic stuff. Skeptic stuff is my favorite stuff. Ah ha! Gotcha. Noah Eli, what do you guys do in my house? Two words, Marsh.

Hello Tushy. Nicola, get to nice. Get to nice. No, no, Marsh not that Tushy. We just found out about the hello Tushy today. It cleans your butt way better than wiping. Cut your toilet paper used down by 80% safe trees and all the thousands of gallons of water used

to convert them into toilet paper. And it comes with a book full of poop jokes. So we figured, you know, what else must you European's be hiding? Oh, perhaps this fancy hand wash station? That's a coffee maker. Ow, hot, hot, whatever. Anyways, Tushy sent us a bidet to try and I never realized that luxury was so affordable.

Yeah, hello Tushy attaches to your existing toilet in less than eight minutes with no electrician or plumber needed. What else attaches to your toilet, and Marsha, you have to tell us. All right, so you guys, not knowing that beta has existed aside, that does actually sound pretty good.

Where can I get one? Well, you can give the gift of a clean bummed to yourself or a loved one this holiday season and get 10% off plus free shipping right now and hello tosy.com slash awful. That's hello tosy.com slash awful for 10% off and free shipping. Uh-huh. What's this tank I found on the back of the toilet? I bet it's filled with delicious drinking water, isn't it, Mark? Yep, yep, you got me.

Please don't drink the water in the back of my toilet. It's so very dear and very important to me. Don't touch it. No, I'll get the mugs. Get the mugs. I'm on it. Oh, but Mr. Mouse, don't you know there's a big hungry bear in the forest?

Oh, no. Oh, hey Noah, Eli, what are you guys doing? Oh, hey, Mars, I've just taken care of Eli's teeth. He leading him a story. Look, Eli, know it. If you want to take better care of your oral health, why not try a quip? I doubt that Whitty Repartea is going to chase away any cavities.

Mars, yeah, I don't have a gun. No, quip. Quip makes oral health care easy by delivering all the oral essentials that you need to care for your mouth. Right. I am. Yeah, I didn't get a word of that. Oh, you said all the essentials.

Right. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, so they've got a fantastic electretooth brush, but they've also got refillable gum. That's sugar free, has long lasting mint flavor and comes with a dispenser. Refillable mouthwash, that's a four times concentrate plus good for you and the planet, floss toothpaste, everything. I don't know, Marsh, all that stuff right here. That's gotta be pricey, right? With stylish and affordable elective brushes, starting at just $25, you won't be paying through the teeth for better oral health. And in addition to brush heads, quip also delivers fresh floss, toothpaste, mouthwash, and gum refills every

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Well, no, I just feel silly for tucking his teeth in. Ah, so that's a blanket. Oh, there was a blanket. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2021 all ready to reserve.